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#how could this happen >:( stupid boy
zarla-s · 11 months
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He never lives it down.
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kimbapisnotsushi · 10 months
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okay no see the thing that made me really, really sad about hinata and the thing that made me really, really root for him and love him and want to see him win it all was how, like, people kept DENYING him. and i'm not talking about spectators in the stands going "omg he's so short haha, can he really do anything?" i'm talking about how his own team and how everyone who knew them in some way - as much as i love them - could never really separate him from kageyama. they were the freak quick duo, karasuno's number nine and number ten. they were amazing! so brilliant, the two of them. and hinata thought it was a way out, at first. he thought it was a way over the summit. he thought it was the key to being someone better.
but a key goes both ways, you know. it can lock you up just as much as it can set you free.
and hinata had to be so, so frustrated. everyone was finding ways to move forward except him. everyone expected him to stay stuck. and you could argue that that's not entirely true, sure, that he was always training, always trying to catch up, and they encouraged that. but nobody ever expected him to be more. nobody ever expected him to go beyond what he had with kageyama - they all thought that was enough for hinata. they thought he was fine like that because it worked for the rest of them. they underestimated how much he wanted to be capable. they didn't get how much he wanted to stand on his own two feet.
and that wasn't fair to hinata! it wasn't fair that hinata, who loved to play and loved the game and loved volleyball so so much, was the only one being left behind! he wanted to change that but nobody was trying with him!!! so of course he got impatient!! of course he was reckless!!! of course he was carving his own opportunities!!! there was no way forward otherwise!!! because if we take a minute to think about how training would have gone while kageyama was at tokyo, let's be honest — it probably wouldn't have gone well. nobody else can do with hinata what kageyama could do with him. hinata would have been held back. he would have felt useless. practicing serves and receives was stuff he was already doing constantly before that, and it wasn't teaching him anything. yeah hinata was a little bit selfish and a little bit shameless but being so finally got him somewhere!!
all hinata ever wanted to do was fly, even if it meant straying from the flock to do so
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mccromy · 8 months
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Sure sure, ooc-ness is natural and normal in fandom, as it is ignoring canon elements that you disagree with or plainly dislike.
But you are aware that that wildly inaccurate interpretation and despiction of your favorite character, with little to no basis on the canon material, that ends in creating a version of said character that only lives inside your head, means you don't actually like that character at all? Surely you realize that?
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so i never said this to anyone and bottling this up is exhausting so i'm just gonna vomit it here. PLEASE SENSITIZE CHILDREN TO ART.
#raj shitposting#so on new year's eve my apartment complex decided to have like a little carnival and people were invited to set up stalls for their stuff#so my mother is a mix media artist and i FORCED her to set up a stall which i kinda sorta regret now because of this thing that happened#so we were setting up our stall and a little boy comes up and wants to purchase something from the jewelry section and when we#tell him the price of the piece he calls my MOTHER'S ART A SCAM. A SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPELL PHOTOSYNTHESIS!!!#WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A SCAM ACTUALLY IS. CALLS MY MOTHER'S ENTIRE ART A SCAM.#i wanted to smack him so hard across the face but my mother held me back and told me to calm down and asked him to get lost.#but the entire day our mood was rotten about this#PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD TELL YOUR CHILDREN THAT IT'S NOT OKAY TO INSULT SOMEONE'S WORK LIKE THAT!!!!!!!#YOU IMBECILE IT'S EXPENSIVE BECAUSE IT REQUIRES SKILL AND MATERIAL THAT IS DIFFICULT TO PROCURE AND KNOWLEDGE THAT IN ITSELF IS HELLA-#-EXPENSIVE TO GATHER!!!!!#ART IS INVALUABLE GUYS WHY DO YOU THINK OUR PARENTS PRESERVE THOSE STUPID ASS CRAYON LANDSCAPES FROM OUR CHILDHOOD?????#he might be a child and not know what any of this means but he could just back off... this is NOT curiosity it's mean spiritedness#and FUCKING RUDE#i was a child sometime in my life. i never talked shit like that to a 40 YEAR OLD AND TALKED BACK WHEN THEY ASKED ME TO BACK OFF#smh#anti intellectualism#art
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ssreeder · 7 months
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yooooo. queer-ie: i love your work and would die for it (this is the queer part) and i just know there’s gotta be scenes that have been deleted. could you possibly tell us about some of those (this is the -ie part)? no pressure tho!! i’ll be hopelessly devoted to you either way.
eyyyyyy-o.
sorry Ive sat on this ask for a while but it tuurns I doooooo have like 4k of of outtakes from RIA & ITF lol.
so here are a few, i’m not sure if this is what you wanted from this ask lol im doing my best. (also none of these are edited or proof read and im sorry about mistakes and grammar and tense and all that other jaz because these were seriously like - ‘i don’t know if im going to trash this orrrrr…..’ then it never made it in & might not even be applicable to the current story.)
im such a good author I know so many details ummmm here is an insert from some point in RIA (I think this was going to be a POV from Hakoda and his men talking and I decided it was a waste of word count. sorry hakoda)
- - -
“I say we kill him.”
“Don’t you think that is a little… <i>extreme</i> Gilak?”
“Not as extreme as the <i>son</i> of the Fire Lord living and breathing in our camp!”
Hakoda felt the specific vein in his forehead thumping against his wrinkled skin that was trying its best to keep it contained. He could feel a headache coming forward the longer they discussed what to do about the situation that Sokka brought to his attention… and so far, they had not one tangible idea.
“Gilak, I have already told you, we can not kill him.”
“I know sir, your son is buddies with him, and we can’t upset Sokka.”
Hakoda shot the larger man a stern look, and he quickly retracted his words.
“I know why we can’t kill him. I just think it would be the simplest solution in this situation.”
Bato jumped to Hakoda’s defense, like he always did.
“This is not a simple situation, so it will not have a simple solution. I think we should speak to Morrak and see what he learned about the boy before we make any decisions. If we kill the Prince of the Fire Nation while he is severely injured and being non threatening we will look like the savages the rest of the world calls us. We have to handle this delicately, like Hakoda said, Sokka trusted us enough to tell us who he is when he could have easily lied. Which means we need to respect that trust and handle it delicately.”
Hakoda cleared his throat, earning the attention from both his men.
“So it is decided. I will talk to Morrak and once I get more information, I will meet back with you both and we can discuss our options at that point.”
“Yes sir.”
“Yes Chief.”
Hakoda was happy when they left his tent, freeing up the stifled air that seemed to stop moving the moment the conversation began. Hakoda felt an intense guilt building from betraying his son’s trust and sharing his friend's identity with the other men… Haoda knew it was the wisest decision for him to make as the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe, but it wasn’t helping him be the best dad to his son… Something he was still struggling with every passing moment.
Even now… Hakoda left his son alone in the healer’s tent with the boy he just recently discovered was the Prince of the Fire Nation… A boy bred into fire and violence. Sokka seemed to trust him, which gave Hakoda a tiny bit of hope that maybe there was something good in this boy… But that tiny feeling was smothered by the rest of the overwhelming amount of mistrust and worry he had when he looked at the golden eyed boy who glared at him from the moment he opened his eyes.
Hakoda rubbed his forehead, digging his thumb into his temple in an attempt to push back the stress vein. He needed to speak to Morrak, and after that… He would make a decision on what was the best next step he could make. He needed to protect his tribe and his son, that was his main concern right now… and right now… Sokka was tied to this fire bender in a way that made Hakoda nervous.
Turning towards the entrance of his tent, Hakoda decided not to overthink this situation a minute longer and go find Morrak so they could talk…
Each time Hakoda thought about all the things he didn’t know, or wasn’t understanding, he felt the weight of his decision growing heavier and heavier. If Hakoda didn’t figure out what to do soon, he was going to be crushed and then Sokka would be on his own…
Hakoda couldn’t fail his son again, he had to make the right decision
- -
Ok so this one is right before Zuko gave himself up in RIA. I don’t remember how the final scene went down but we all know how it ended :) <3
Psst… Dad.”
Hakoda frowned in his sleep, caught in the middle of a dream and the reality that awaited him on the other side.
“Dad… Wake up.”
Hakoda opened his eyes and saw Sokka staring down at him.
“Son? What are you doing in my tent in the middle of the night? Are you ok?”
Hakoda sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to see through the darkness he was startled when a tiny flame broke through the void and gave clarity to the room.
Zuko was standing behind Sokka who was kneeling next to Hakoda’s bed, and the Water Tribe man felt a mixture of conflicted feelings. He was instantly happy that Zuko had come back for Sokka, but the dred that followed swallowed any joy he had…. Zuko couldn’t be here. If Quon found him… They would all be in trouble.
“I’m fine… Zuko came back. He… We… Ummm… We are leaving.”
Hakoda thought he would be devastated the day his son told him he was leaving again, so sure that his world would bottom out and Hakoda would feel like he was falling into despair. But when he looked at Sokka, and he thought back to the talk they had about his feelings for the fire bender, Hakoda knew that there was nothing he could say to change his son’s decision.
Just like Hakoda had allowed Katara to leave, he had to do the same with Sokka. His children didn’t belong to him anymore, they were grown and they were bonded to people who they were loyal to… And Hakoda was proud of them. It was a monumental thing to find someone you loved, and staying loyal to them was what kept that relationship strong…. Even if Hakoda didn’t love the idea of Sokka choosing a fire bending boy, he wouldn’t stop him from being loyal to his love.
“I understand, son. Allow me to put on my pants and I will help you two escape.”
Zuko spoke up, “I don’t think that will be necessary. The uhh… The helping us… Not the uhh… The pants.”
Hakoda smirked and Sokka smacked his own forehead. No wonder the boy refrained from using words.
“I would like to make sure you two make it out ok. Is that a problem?”
Zuko seemed to dislike the idea, but Sokka gave him a pleading look that had a splash of assertiveness, which seemed to be their typical dynamic. Now that Hakoda was aware of the romantic nature between the boys it was easier to disfer their interactions.
Hakoda slipped on his pants and slid on his boots, making sure he secured his hunting knife inside. He couldn’t grab any other weapons just in case they were caught, Hakoda couldn’t risk looking like he was prepared for a fight. If they were caught, they would need to make sure that whatever words made up their excuse were good enough to fool whoever found them.
As long as it wasn’t Quon, they might have a chance
- -
RIP Shen, I never realized how fucking funny you and Zuko were until you died. I think this was when they were all sharing intel idk… but Zukos an asshole and I love it. (he and Sokka were sooooo hostile during the SWT arc)
“Nothing… Just…. Fucking drop it. How about Zuko and I switch seats and I will come over and help you with the Fire Nation cruiser information. Bato and Zuko can, I don’t know… Play their tile game or whatever.”
“Fine with me. I fucking love games.” Zuko mumbled as he stood up.
Shen watched with wide eyes, not saying a word, and Hakoda could honestly say he had no words to add to the tension either.
“Good!” Sokka stood up as well and made sure to bump his friend’s shoulder as they switched seats. The fire bender glanced back and Hakoda wondered if he was going to shove Sokka in the back but he didn’t reciprocate the hostile gesture and instead he flopped down next to Bato and crossed his arms with his brow narrowed deep into the center of his face.
Shen leaned back when Sokka came to sit down next to him, and Sokka glanced over at him and scoffed.
“Don’t be dramatic. Let’s just get this thing fucking over with so we can be done here.”
“Whatever you say.” Shen replied as Sokka aggressively organized the parchment and prepared to draw out Shen’s cruiser.
Hakoda watched as Sokka’s anger melted when Shen began to explain what it was like being a soldier stationed on Fire Nation cruiser. He told them about -
- -
TA DAAAAAA idk if this is what you wanted…. but here it is. I don’t have anything from the first book, and only a bit from ITF but I do have more RIA. I rambled a lot in the second book ha but yeah idk what else to say! Thanks for the ask.
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teoriaespacial · 9 months
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i know sex education was a big deal when it came out and was meant to be an educational show but like, it's so innoffensive to the point of being bland, like these characters have no meaningful flaws.
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konfizry · 2 months
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Anyway speaking of the sun did I ever tell you about the tales of arise eclipses
#im thinking about it again xyhdfgdchdchjh#do you think they like. considered it#i MEAN ofc they did#they cided that sun disappearing behind rena but dO YOU THINK#that they initially planned to have that actually impact like. the WORLD#in a significant manner?#with the actual luminosity level being affected and all#because like for cyslodia iirc this means no sunlight in the morning#(or cyslodia that we get to explore cyslodia's pretty big after all)#but like i can see how this is a problem like#you liberate cyslodia that is the One Realm where its always nighttime except when you end the renans' grasp on the region there#it still doesnt get a full day of sunlight because of astronomical reasons that we cant do anything about yet#also probably the region of the Central Ocean is in perpetual darkness as well but for those same astronomical reasons#like it GERS CONFUSING it would confuse everything idk#but heres the solution: you ditch that cyslodia in endless nighttime idea bc it was stupid in the first place#like. in calaglia they harvest fire astral energy so its a fiery place. theres fire everywhere. in menancia theyre harvesting#earth astral energy so its super lush and green. and so on and so forth#and in cyslodia theyre harvesting light astral energy so theres. theres no light. its dark. because theyre stealing it!!!!!#well why usnt menancia a barren wasteland then. why isnt ganoth super dry. wha#i COULD accept it if like. maybe. if like the completely stealing the light thing us like. ganabelt specifically.#like hes just a Special Boy and found a way to pull all the stops#and something like that has never been done before in the history of the crown contest#but no this has been going since the great conquest apparently so???#like how arent the other lords doing something like that too?#is light astral energy like so fundamentally different that the harvesting process is the opposite of what happens in other realms?#and if thats the case why dont they ever explain it in the game. or just make a pasing comment about it. I'm not picky#aaaanyway. just get rid of that specific cyslodia plot point#and THEN you can focus on how living in the shade of rena influenced what parts of Dahna#like. to just kinda like. cement the world building a bit?
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kkoct-ik · 3 months
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good morning ive been possessed by the spirit of 2022 and now i really want to start my cwilbur rewrite NOW
#i have a lecture in half an hour.#kostik speaks#i have very specific thoughts on ghostbur and cwilbur#that were never fully realised because wilbur (streamer) insisted on presenting them as separate entities that happened to share a face#(i know not Literally. but the fact ghostbur was exchanged for cwilbur is just bananas. boy thats the same fucking person)#which is lame and stupid and ignores basically everything about ghostburs character and their relationships to each other#pogtopia crimeboys is really very special to me from a trauma point of view (their relationship speaks to me)#and ghostbur in the aftermath of that is insane ! if theyd done it right#i wish i could write a slightly smaller story focusing on the narrative of . pogtopia crimeboys. wilburs suicide#and the interactions between the different wilburs and the people and the world around him#with him eventually reconciling and healing of course. also everyone around him healing their separate ways because christ#i maintain that i like how fundys arc finished. the people who grievously wronged you are not entitled to your time for their benefit#ugh i do feel like i should do research if i commit to the rewrite though and can i really stomach like 20 hours of wilbur and tommy streams#maybe i can avoid the research if i drop the dsmp and tell the story through my ocs who are Totally not wilbur or fundy or tommy or niki#oh well. ​wilbur and ghostbur are such a dissociative identity narrative and i will tell this story if its the last thing i do
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vanillaboyfriend · 1 month
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i don’t feel like posting pictures. but y3s? long socks? nice pants? cute sweater? AND curls peeking out from under the hat?? i’m eatin so good. ok edit be warned before you expand tags on this i went on a giant rant about nicks clothes whoops lol it is HUGE
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orcelito · 1 month
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The constant struggle of needing to continue my trimax reread so I can get working on the next ITNL chapter vs the wish to keep playing stardew valley
I started this new game not even a week ago but I'm midway thru the first fall and already married to Sebastian. And so it goes 😂
#speculation nation#im naming all my farm animals after trigun characters. vash and wolfwood are chickens.#milly and meryl are cows. and i just got 2 ducks that i named livio and razlo.#AND im gonna name my dinosaur zazie. bc it just makes sense.#thinking of making midvalley and hoppered goats. elendira & dominique as sheep.#sheryl and lina as rabbits. probably kaite too. hell lets make all the kids rabbits#idk who im gonna do for the pigs. it feels a little mean given the connotation of calling someone a pig.#might break the trigun streak and name my pigs after shrek and fiona. as i have in previous games.#who am i missing. luida as a sheep. brad as a goat. omg knives as a void chicken.#I SHOULDVE NAMED MY HORSE REM!!!! oh well too late. i named my horse after my horse-coded oc Lana#and my cat is named Sammy. after my special orange boy 🥺🥺🥺#fuck who are the other ghgs. omg monev would work as a pig actually. big guy.#then theres e.g.mine. kinda wanna ignore him bc his name's stupid.#i dont want an animal named e.g.mine 😭😭😭😭#omfg rai-dei. what the fuck should rai-dei be. none of the animals feel like a rai-dei. maybe i'll make him a duck.#theres leonof... ugh. i dont want a leonof. or a ninelives. fuck those guys.#oh my god how could i almost forget legato??? maybe i'll make him a 2nd void chicken. OH WAIT NO#HE COULD BE ONE OF THOSE BLUE CHICKENS!!! THATS PERFECT!!!!#idk im still working on upgrading my barn and coop so this isnt happening in full for a while still#but i am Thinking About It........#u can see how well my manga reading is going lmao. oh well. at least im having fun.
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apollo-zero-one · 2 months
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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....
#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing#NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years#waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line#mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker#you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy#victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know#you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and#doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's#life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze#manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and#poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy#she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he#said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk#that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements#and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm#and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word#choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person#how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me#im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason
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benbamboozled · 2 years
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Iconic Steph and Cass moments from Batgirl (2000) #28–part one
Aka “I’ve been looking for the source for these pages and I finally got to the issue.”
part two
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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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mrfoox · 2 years
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The fact I refuse to confront/inform the people who have basically ruined my mental state and my ability to function bc that would make them feel bad is honestly bonkers
#miranda talking shit#I cant say id be having a good and normal life if i wasnt abused as a young child but im 90% sure I'd not have this must trouble#Id still have my autistic and add problems but my anxiety and depression would definitely be a lot better#Its... Insane. That my older brothers probably have no idea how much they have actually ruined my life/mental state from such an earlh age#As 4 yrs old... Hell they might not even remember it or even think it was a 'big deal'. I know my second oldest brother probably falls into#The latter. I know now that they both most likely have undiagnosed adhd/autism and they used me as a way to act out/feel better#But being told youre stupid. Fat. Ugly. Useless from the age of 4 like... I cant stress how much it have ruined my self image#Ive tried to build confidence in myself and love myself since my teens and i can barely say im 'avarge' without doubting it#Like they also hit me but that's nothing compared to the mental torture i had to go through on an almost daily basis#Funniest thing is that bc it happened/started when i was so young i didnt think it was... Bad or weird or abnormal.#I started crying when my parents told me to go tell my brothers it was dinner time. I was terrified of knocking on their doors#I still to this day 20 years later am still incredibly uncomfortable and anxious talking with them and i havent been able to make much of#An relationship with them bc of it. Im scared to say anything to them even if its simple shit. And men/boys in general ive thus been#Terrified of since i was young. Once again i thought it was normal to mistrust and be scared of men until i was in my teens#I wish i could hate them i wish i could be angry i wish i had someone to blame#But no my brain is too nice and give excuses to them. Their actions are excused. They have ruined me mentally but thats not their fault#Fuck that might be true but they were still 6 and 11 years older than me. I didnt have a chance to protect myself in any way#I wish someone saw i wasnt okay. I wish someone understood that i wasnt well. I wish someone saw me.#Negative#Abuse
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szczylpierdolony · 1 year
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so many things about me could be explained by the fact that i didnt know people hung out with their school friends during summer/school breaks until i was 17
#like obv i knew you could do that#but it never occured to me that it actually happens#i used to go to summer camp with school friends in elementary school but that usually made me feel worse#for gender reasons mostly#theres something cruel about being the only girl and being separated from your friends for that#i remember one year they wanted girls in one bus and boys in the other one#and if it wasnt for the fact that my mom decided it was stupid and that i should be able to sit with my friends and that there was luckily#a free seat in that boys bus i wouldve to ride alone#idk#but other than summer camps i rarely saw anyone during summer breaks#and it was always normal for me to not see or talk to anyone for 3 months#and idk now it feels like thats how im meant to spend my time so i continually turn everyone down when they ask me if i want to meet up#i was in a group chat with some uni friends a while back and group chatę always inevitably make me feel like im weird and boring and unfunny#and serce as a constant reminder that im not as good friends with anyone as they are with each other#and im not used to texting ppl either not unless i have a specific question thats usually school related#so i. just left that chat and i had people ask me about it bc they were worried the said sth mean/offensive#and i had to make a fool of myself and explain that it was anxiety inducing#everyone was nice about it but it still makes me feel like shit#but ik id feel awful if i stated in it too#anyway im never going to make real kasting friendships and at this point i dont even know if i want to
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doctapuella · 1 year
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i am apparently spending my morning raging about the lazy aew instagram creators
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