#how do people not recognize the fact that he is soooo gay?

[themagnusbane]

GAP The Series Episode 10 Thoughts

Knowing where we left off: some joy, some gay and a topping of pain, I'm hoping that we get a resolution to Mon's "Khun Sam deserves better than me" derailment, so we can get more of our beloved sapphics, before the wicked witch of a grandmother shows up to, like my people would say "pour sand inside their garri." If you're not Nigerian, that probably flew right over your head. Sorry.

I love the irony in just how much I love Mon's love pajamas! It's soooo cute!!! I want!!!!!!

2. But on a side note though. Every single time they wake up with a face full of makeup, I cackle at how unrealistic it is. Like sure, if Idol Factory wants to convince me (which they absolutely CANNOT because I have eyes!!!) that Mon wakes up every morning with her lips soft and dewy and just that smattering of the right blush on her cheeks, and her eyes that pop, one question still remains... WHAT ABOUT THE BED HEAD? WHERE IS THE BED HEAD GAP THE SERIES???

3. Awwwwww. Look at Sam smiling at her beloved. MY HEART!!!!!! But also. Are we just going to ignore the fact that they had a fight with Sam walking away, just the previous episode? Did they think we forgot? Or is Sam just so hopelessly in love that she can't stay mad at the sight of Mon's gorgeous face. Which...

4. The hug from behind. The "Good mornings". That kiss on her cheek. Them walking hand-in-hand. They're killing me your honor. They're killing me with all that sweetness and I AM DYING A VERY VERY HAPPY WOMAN!!!

5. Ah!!! So they started from before-the-fight. Okay, that makes sense. Cuz I was worried for a moment that the show wasn't going to address it. Which now that I think about it... GAP honey. I'm so sorry I doubted you for a minute there. I know you are not that kind of girl. I can't believe I briefly forgot that. Please forgive me!!

6. Ooooof. The fight is still as painful the second time around. Mon sweetheart, we really need to get your self-esteem up. Sure you're a "commoner" [I really REALLY hate that term!!!], but you're a commoner that Sam loves. Why can't you believe that? I would understand if her reservations are around whether or not Sam's grandmother would be accepting of her, considering her gender AND her commoner status, but she's coming from this from a place of "I don't deserve Khun Sam", which urgh!!! I really hope Sam sets her straight and is clear in how perfect Mon is, and how in fact it is Sam who is underserving of her, and not the other way round.

7. Gghghghjgjhghj. Cher complimenting the colour of Sam's car is like that cliche of "I a gay man, likes sports" and I am cackling because this is so fucking hilarious and I love how they're giving my sapphics ALL the cliches. Yes!!! Feed them to me. Shoot them directly into my veins!!!

8. Cher being all "of course the weird girl will give her car a weird name" is SENDING ME!!!! But... she's not wrong though. The only thing is, we and Mon, love Sam just the way she is. Hehehehehehe.

9. Mon Sweetheart, I know you want to get something nice and expensive for your girl. But Sam doesn't want that. The only thing she wants from you, is you. Your love, your goodness, that big, big heart of yours. Why would you feel bad about not being able to buy the woman who has everything, something lavish. Look at Kirk! He could do all of that. But is she with him? No!!! You are the one she wants! Let that sink in. PLEASE!!!!

10. See!!! I knew the minute I saw Cher, there was a connection between us!! I just knew that this was a lesbian who could wreck me, an acerbic tongue, with a sense of style and common sense to boot! Tee is still my goddess, Nita would destroy me, and for Cher I would risk everything. GAP is making me even more happy that I am polyamorous. BRING ME ALL THE SAPPHICS!!! I want to collect them like Pokémon cards!! But also, MON ARE YOU LISTENING TO THE OLDER SAPPHICS!!! Money can't buy love!! Sam knows this. She recognizes this. I hope after this conversation, you would too!!!

11. Romance. Comedy. Drama. Horror. Would you look at that Mon. Risa and Cher's story has the same elements as yours and Sam's. Even down to the wealth and the family that hopefully Sam cuts off because fuck that evil witch of the West masquerading as her grandmother!!! But yeah. Listen to the slightly older and much happier lesbians Mon. Grab your happiness and your girl by your hands and don't let go. Cuz her grandmother would do enough objecting of you both's relationship anyway.

12. Aaaaaaaand... Speak of the witch and she doth appears. Urgh!!! Why do I have the feeling that she probably knows that Sam isn't with her friends, and this passive aggressive phone call with the "is Kirk not with you", is just her testing her granddaughter to see if Sam would lie to her. Urgh. This woman gives me anxiety!!!!

13. I knew it!!! Look at that look in her eyes. She totally knows!

14. Kirk. You piece of trash with your ghost-looking face!!! You know that telling her "you should hear it from Sam" would confirm evil grandmother's suspicions. But you want to keep up the facade that you are a good person, whilst nudging her in the direction where she will confirm everything. You shady bastard. Urgh!!!!

15. And of course evil grandmother is all "I'll handle it" with that conniving look on her face. You see what you did there Kirk? You set her in that direction. Let her see the hesitation in your eyes, indirectly confirmed that you know Sam's with someone else, and have therefore set off the snowball that would seemingly get you what you want, even though it would make Sam miserable. I really, really don't like you!

16. Awwwwww. Look at that sweet apology. Look at Sam being honest about her being hurt, and why she is hurt, and what her fears are. You see that Mon? You're not the only one with fears and doubts. Sure both your concerns have different faces, but the key to solving them is COMMUNICATION!!! Glad you both are finally doing just that!

17. OMG!!!! It's Tee and Yuki, on their couple's retreat as well!!! Look at all my favourite sapphics, gathered under one roof!!!!

18. Sam's "you must have been sent by grandmother, you a spy!!!" talk is sending me!!! And Tee's being able to guess that Sam's grumpy reception is because she and Mon are fighting???? Chef's kiss. I LOVE THIS WOMAN EVERYONE!!! I WOULD DIE FOR HER!!! Tee, I love you. I will make you the main interest in my harem of women. Be mine!

19. Risa and Cher flirting in front of my single salad is making me feel even more single.

20. Awwwww. Look how quickly Sam ran to Mon's side, when she thought she was hurt. Even whilst angry, she's still like "Mon, you come first!" My darling. My baby. My precious.

21. Of course she's not angry anymore. She can't stay mad at you for long. It's why she's so precious. How adorable!!!!

22. Hehehehehe. Cher and Sam have such similar personalities, watching them clash makes me cackle so hard. You can basically see both their Persian cat furs bristling at each other, with Mon and Risa having to work extra hard to calm their women down. This is glorious. Look at them fighting over festivals. Ha!

23. Yo! Why am I only seeing two couples and two lanterns? Where are Tee and Yuki??? Where's their lanterns???? Are they helping with Mon's surprise???? I have questions!!!

24. OMG!!! They are!!! Ha!!!! Is she proposing??? OMG! OMG! OMG!!!! They're totally doing a proposal/marriage thing right now. I am not crying! I am not crying. These are not tears! It's my allergies acting up! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

25. That was so sweet! THE SWEETEST PROPOSAL!! My heart!! I can't stop grinning. That was sooo good, and so beautiful. I love love y'all!! I LOVE LOVE!!!!!!

26. I swear, I think these two became even more radiant after Mon's proposal. It's like them settling into the knowledge that they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together, filled them with the honeymoon glow and I AM LIVING FOR IT!!!!

27. Hold up! HOLD THE FUCK UP!!! Isn't that her elder sister??? The oldest, who wanted to become an artist and witchy grandmother burned all her things??? OMG!!! It is her!!!! Look at that glow!! Look at that radiance!!! She is incandescent!!! That is what happens when you get out from under the roof of the wicked grandmother of the West! Sam!! Take a cue from your oldest sister and bounce. Tap into the radiance you deserve. Cuz your shitty grandmother doesn't deserve a modicum of goodness from you.

28. See. I understand what she is saying. And somewhere buried beneath all that, is the truth of what I want Sam to realize (she will never be happy living with her grandmother and she needs to cut the woman off and never look back), but there is a decent way to make that statement, and calling your younger sister, who you abandoned (because she is the oldest, and she basically left her two younger siblings in the hands of an abusive and toxic relative, without trying to create a situation where they can come to her and rely on her and ask her for help), who died trying to get away from the evil witch, weak, is so not cool, and is in fact very cruel.

29. Aaaaaand of course, the witch of a homophobe that is her grandmother now knows the truth. I am bracing myself for carnage because we all know that the person who's going to get the brunt of the disaster that is about to go down is poor, innocent Mon.

30. Urgh!!! It's already here. I don't want to see this. She's about to manipulate her in some way isn't she? Poor Mon. You don't deserve this.

31. See? She's starting things off by establishing that she knows everything there is to know about Mon. That she knows her family. Her friends. Her history. Before outrightly stating that Mon planned everything, and set things up to be close to Sam. And of course she's going to bring Kirk and his "feelings" into this. Which FUCK YOU GRANDMOTHER! Mon sweetheart, just because he was good to you, doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice your happiness for him. Because trust me, if the tables were turned, his entitled ass won't do shit.

32. And of course they are double-tagging to try and break Sam and Mon up. Fuck you and your apologies Kirk. I hope you fucking choke, you lying, backstabbing piece of shit. We already know that her grandmother is going to rot in all the nine hells. But you? You piece of shit who pretended to be a good person, until you weren't able to get the girl... You are so much worse!

33. He really fired Chin and Yha???? And we all know it's a set-up to whatever it is that evil grandmother of the West has set in motion to get Sam and Mon to break up, to to have Sam do what she wants. Which urgh!!! Please tell me Yha wouldn't out of anger at getting fired, want to pull Mon down, because she also knows their secret! Urgh, this is a mess!!!!

34. On one hand, I'm cheering Sam on for being all "I am going to fire Mon. And date her outside of the office. Thank you for opening my eyes to that possibility". But on the other hand, I don't think Kirk is done with his stupid plan and I'm anxious about what he and that grandmother witch have planned.

35. I can't believe I'm saying this but Nop... You are a good egg. You have sense. Who would have thought that between you and Kirk, you would be the one with the backbone and the cool head on your shoulders. Yes please! Call out trash grandmother for her trash ways. Fuck the bourgeoisie. FUCK HER!!!! And thank you for encouraging Mon to pick up Sam's calls and talk to her. You see that Kirk? YOU SEE YOUR MATE?!!! Just like you, he too was interested in Mon. He wanted to be in a relationship with her. And when she said no, he backed away. When he discovered her relationship with Sam, he supported her. And now, he's encouraging her to be with the woman she loves. Nop's baby finger is better than your entire ass put together Kirk! Infinitely better!!!

36. Urgh Mon. Just tell her the truth already!!! None of this "I miss home" nonsense. If y'all's relationship is going to survive, you need to tell her that her grandmother came over, and tell her all the trash things, that witchy vampire of a grandmother said.

37. Atta girl. You did good. And Sam's immediate 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you face this" has me bawling. My precious babies. I want only happiness for you both!! You need to walk away from your grandmother Sam. But knowing Mon, she would feel extra guilty if she felt that it's because of her that you walked away from your witch of a grandmother which urgh!!!! Toxic family relationships are the worst!!!

38. Her grandmother's house really is stunning. But it's cold. So fucking cold. Fitting for a witch in her soulless castle. I swear if this conversation doesn't end with "Grandmother. If you love Kirk so much, then YOU marry him," I am screaming at my TV.

So yeah. We get happiness and sapphics in love, and proposals. But we also get this nonsense with Kirk teaming up with Sam's grandmother which urgh!! This will probably be our lives for the next two episodes until the end of the series. But you know what? The fact that I only have to hang in there for two more weeks, until they kick Kirk to the cub, and hopefully break the bonds with grandmother witch? I can hang in there. I just want to see my babies get their happy ending. And I'm willing to do anything to make that happen for them!!! Including praying and hoping that dishonorable witchy grandmother croaks. Cuz that's the one solution I see to all of this.

[esswantspez]

No but cishet girls being obsessed with Eddie Munson and writing Eddie x fem reader shit genuinely frustrates me????

That is a homosexual.

A genderfluid if you will.

Who is aggressively flirting with Steve the Hair Harrington.

[kanmom51]

Hi kanmom! So random musings but I went on the jikook tag on here and I saw so many people expressing their hate for shippers in general and at time jikookers specifically and while I can understand the hate being directed at taekookers, I don't get why jikookers get such a bad rep. Because I know there are bad eggs everywhere but our group as a whole are not disrespectful or delulu. We don't make up theories. All we do is celebrate what we see. What's presented to us.

I saw someone in the tag complaining that jikookers were only focusing on jikook in that 3j bangtan bomb but if most jikookers are jikook biased what do you expect??? Nobody has a problem when namjoon bias blog take namjoon moments and place those alone on their blogs. How is it the fault of jikookers that hobi wasn't getting as much love as that hobi bias wanted?? Like instead of spending time complaining about jikookers, how about you go scream about hobi. That's what we're doing for our faves WHILE commenting on hobi here and there cause most jikookers are ot7. I don't think I've ever come across a solo stan jikooker and I know they must be out there cause never say never but they are few and far in between. Meanwhile you find soooo many solo stans amongst other shippers.

And I feel like that's in part due to the fact that other shippers think their ship is being hidden by the big bad big hit and they think they need to protect their ship from everything big hit, including the rest of BTS. Jikookers don't generally think like that.

So why do we get so much grief 😭 I generally think it's just people who see shipping in general as taboo and also the homophobes who don't even wanna think about any gay in BTS At all.

That 3J clip and those fans complaining about Jikook, wth???? What is their problem exactly? I got a similar ask saying that Hobi stans are upset with Jikook's because all their gifs were about Jikook. Say what? What did they expect? Really?

What they forgot to say is just how happy and loving Jikookers are with Hobi. How Jikookers, unlike many other shippers or solo stans love all of the members. We just see something special between JM & JK, but never ever hate on another member.

First point of difference for Jikookers is that as a whole (most of us) aren't here because we created a fantasy pairing, put two members we are most attracted to, to suite our fantasy and maybe to insert ourselves as one of them.

Many many of us have never been in the shipping business prior to this, and those that have, well they saw what we saw with those two and re-assessed their beliefs. They were openminded enough to see what's going on, again they weren't in it for a fulfilment of fantasy.

Also, many many Jikookers are more mature, a lot are older and carry with them life experience. They see human interactions for what they are, recognize nuances, and are not afraid to see two young men in love. They are open minded, not homophobic, and are there to support this young love, not fantasize about it.

I also think that one of the main thing with us Jikookers is that we see BTS, we see the members, we listen to them, we watch them, their interactions, their behaviour and our starting point, our basic belief is that they are genuine. That these 7 boys that grew together into young men are genuine in their interactions with each other, with their words. It's not ALL an act. Yes, there are stage personas, but they also let us in to see them, their more or less true selves. That's why it broke my heart when JK said he has to wear a mask, that he can't show his true self, because we all know what the reaction to that will be, don't we? And he said it this year after Film out was released. So sad. I mean look at the fandom. When JK & JM do try to show their true selves how does that fandom react? Calling them liars, saying it's scripted behaviour, hating on them. Can you imagine what will happen if they come outright and say the words "we are gay and in a relationship and living together"? So, they try to show us as much possible but still have to hide some, but the way they interact is so authentic. Even the pull backs at times, so authentic, so real. It's funny how in the same breath other shippers will say that Jikook are pushed on us by BH, scripted, fanservice, there to hide another ay couple, while at the same time we see those pull backs and then it turns into JK is uncomfortable with JM that's pushing himself on JK. Please decide which narrative you are going with, why don't you.

And that's exactly it. They are so genuine. We see their growth over the years, we see their attraction to each other, we see their softness with each other, we see their push and pull, asserting themselves with each other, we see how they want to be with each other and yet at times pull back. This would have to be the best K-drama to be written in like EVER, lasting over 6 years and forever keeping us all on edge. NOT. Not a drama. Not scripted. Just two young men falling in love and being in love and struggling with who they are, the public perception of who they are, wanting to be themselves, but holding back, not because their feelings are ingenuine but because they know that many will not accept their love.

Sorry for this long ass rant. I probably went off subject here, and got lost on the way, but it is what it is.

[behindyourbarrette]

like you a latte - matcha latte

← previous | series masterlist | join my taglist | next part ->

pairing: spencer reid x fem reader

a/n: SURPRISE i felt like dropping this a DAY early!!lololololol but here it is! i appreciate the love on the last two parts so so soooo much :) can’t beliEVE WE ARE HALFWAY DONE!! reblog if u enjoyed

—

Needless to say, Twilight Time isn’t very crowded on Thursday afternoons. 

You rarely pick up closing shifts anymore—for reasons totally unrelated to the doctor who almost exclusively arrives in the morning—but you’re covering for Sally, and it’s a nice day out. The rain has let up in favor of mild weather, the sun just barely peeking through the clouds as people drift past the shop. Despite the fact that there’s more foot traffic on the street, not many people come in to order. You don’t blame them. Why have hot coffee on a day like this?

Your back is turned when you hear a group enter, and your heart soars at the prospect of tips. For whatever reason, most people are more inclined to tip when they know their friends are watching. You call out to let them know you’ll be right with them, and after you’re done fidgeting with the settings of the coffee grinder, you turn. 

It’s Spencer. But he’s not alone.

There are a total of four people before you, each intimidating you in slightly different ways. They’re all agents, as evidenced by their not-so-concealed carries. You recognize a few of the characters. Spencer’s told you about JJ, who you assume to be the friendly blonde, and Penelope, who is a vision in fuchsia. That leaves Emily, who’s whispering to JJ, eyes fixed on you. You try to absorb the sight, them together. Spencer looks at ease, a wide smile on his face as he looks between you and the group.

“Hey, Spencer. These your coworkers?” You crack a nervous smile, knitting your fingers together. He nods, introducing them each in turn. JJ grins in your direction, and Penelope waves at you with a fingerlessly-gloved hand. Emily reaches across the bar to shake your hand. You get the sense that there’s something Spencer hasn’t told you.

“What can I get you guys?”

Spencer shrugs, defaulting to JJ and Emily. Penelope pipes up, eyes bright as she peers at the menu above you.

“Do you have matcha, sweetheart? I’ve been meaning to try that. It’s great for your skin.” You nod, pulling a cup out and inscribing Penelope’s name on it. JJ and Emily both order americanos, exchanging a sheepish grin. After setting their cups aside, you turn to Spencer.

“Genius, you should really try the matcha. It’ll give you brain power. Not that you need any more.” Penelope does jazz hands to emphasize her excitement, and Spencer shrugs. You watch them interact for a moment before you realize he’s turned to you for your approval.

“Oh. I really like matcha. It’s green tea, and a matcha latte tastes light and sweet. I think you’d like it.” He nods, and orders it hot. Penelope orders iced; you smile as you consider that they compliment each other, eventually turning away to prepare everyone’s drinks. They’re all relatively simple, and you manage to include latte art in the hot drinks. Spencer’s is last, and you flick your wrist to finish the design. Crossing the bar, you hand each agent their drink in turn. 

Penelope sips at her drink first, the bright green matching one of her rings perfectly. Spencer eyes his dubiously, poking at it with a wooden stirring stick. 

“It’s very green.” He whispers to Penelope, who cackles in response. 

JJ catches your eye as you watch, lingering between the bar and their seats. With a smile, she waves you over. 

“You’ve totally ruined other coffee for Spence. We had to come try it for ourselves.” She whispers, leaning down. You aren’t sure how to feel about her tone; there’s a glint of something in her eye, something playfully secretive. You’re not sure what part of this you’re not in on.The idea of Spencer mentioning you at all is foreign—sure, you’ve told your roommates, and your coworkers found out that you do, in fact, have a favorite regular. Still, you never considered the idea that you bleed into other parts of his life. You steal a glance at him while JJ compliments her americano. He’s sipping at his matcha, a green mustache left behind. 

“You have a magic touch, Y/N. I don’t think I’ve ever had coffee this good in the states.” Emily flashes you a grin as if she can sense your nervousness. You relax a little, asking her about her work abroad instead of getting lost in your head. She strikes you as a diplomat, and a compliment from her feels like something to be savored. Penelope raves to you about the health benefits of matcha, and you immediately feel welcomed by her. If you were to run a study comparing the approachability between pink polka dots and pantsuits, you're sure that polka dots would win.

“Are you an agent, too?” You ask, stirring your own iced coffee with a straw. Eyeing the clock, you’ve decided that this counts as your break. Tyler be damned. Penelope giggles, shaking her head.

“Oh God no. Well, technically. I’m a technical analyst, so I work on the computer and tech end of things.” She explains, and you nod. It makes a lot of sense. While both JJ and Emily exude the energy of most cops—authoritative, with a critical eye—Garcia does’t fit that mold. It’s this that draws you to her.

You learn that JJ has a son named Henry, a surprisingly Southern boyfriend to match, and that Emily has a cat named Sergio. Despite their highbrow titles, you don’t feel out of place. It’s easy to sip at your coffee, the cup cool against your fingertips, and listen.

“Are you in school? Spence mentioned that you majored in literature.” JJ sets her cup down, flexing her fingers against the air. You feel yourself flush now that the attention is on you. The fact that he chose this detail to divulge sticks between your ribs. You haven't told him much about your work—he insisted on reading your thesis, and even reread the source material to better discuss it with you—but apparently, what you have discussed has made an impression.

“Yeah, actually. I’m in my second year of law school.” You admit. Emily nods in approval, reaching out to high five you.

“Damn. With all the assholes you deal with in customer service, you’ll make a great attorney.” You high five her with a small smile on your face, stealing a glance at Spencer. He seems elated, clearly enjoying the dynamic he’s observing.

“Do you want to go into criminal law?”

JJ asks, eyes wide with curiosity. You shake your head ruefully. They take it well, shrugging their shoulders. To their credit, their branch of law enforcement deals with the process prior to prosecution. You shudder at the idea of what happens after they catch the bad guys.

“No, not really. I’m looking at either the entertainment or environmental sector.”

The group murmurs, and the conversation devolves into small talk about law. You look to Spencer for an escape, and he suggests that they take a walk. Once the girls have trickled out of the room, each hugging you goodbye, you’re left alone with Spencer.

“Hey.”

You laugh at the simplicity of his greeting, turning to toss your empty coffee cup into the trash. Spencer flushes a deep shade of red, raking his hands through his hair.

“Your friends aren’t how I expected. Really cool, though. Especially for like, Quantico professionals.” You wipe the counter down, and the reality that you’re on the clock hits you, a little dizzily. Did his coworkers really just want to meet Spencer’s barista? The realization tastes a little bitter, and you bite back any further questioning in favor of looking up at him.

“Yeah. They’re like family.” He looks out the window, hands deep in his pockets. His whole demeanor is stiff, and you resist the urge to reach out and force his shoulders down from his ears.

“Did you like the matcha? I wasn’t sure you would. I used the oat milk you like.” Slowly, he relaxes. With a small smile, he nods.

“It was good. I like most teas, I’m finding. It wasn’t too sweet.” You add matcha to the mental list you keep, of drinks he likes. It’s become your mission to expand it. In the months since he started branching out, you’ve managed to add a few drinks to his core rotation. 

“You know you’re one of my friends too, right?”

This catches you off guard. You pause in the motion of sweeping the floor, carefully raising your eyes to meet his. While nervous, he sounds sincere. When met with your silence, he continues.

“I just wanted you to know.” 

You nod carefully. The implications of this are something you’ll consider later, when you’re alone. He’s only confirming something you’ve already known, but something about it stings. The word crosses your mind briefly, but it sticks. It’s bittersweet.

“I know.” Your voice is low, soft against the din of the coffee shop. Spencer doesn’t look satisfied, opening his mouth to say something then closing it again. He glances between you and the window.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

taglist:

@everyonesfavoritepipecleaner @coldlilheart @idonotexiste @aberrant-annie @onyourfingertips @bakugouswh0r3 @uptowngotmedown @infinite-tides @chaosconcerns @littlewritersinspace​ @okivia @forever-not-gonna-sink​ @insert-gay-here​ @just-another-persona123​ @winniemjf **if tags don’t work, check your visibility settings

[clearlynotjanus]

Whumptober: Day Two, Talking is Overrated

READ ON AO3

Chapter Summary: Ever since Remus returned from his isolation in the Imagination, things between Janus & Virgil have been strained. Virgil can’t deny that he finds Remus attractive, & Janus doesn’t seem to have a problem with this, but there’s a lot lurking just under the surface of his feelings that makes being with either of them far more difficult than it should be. CW: Dubious consent, panic attacks, anxiety, crying, blowjobs, deepthroating, graphic description of sexual acts Word Count: 5160 Genre: Hurt, Smut, Angst, Whump Rating: Explicit Ships: Dukexiety with a dash of Anxceitmus Author Notes: Soooo you’ll notice that this is very out of the realm of the stuff I usually write. I’m giving everyone a warning right now, this is dubcon & it’s all hurt, no comfort. If you’re familiar with my writing, right about now you’re asking who the fuck is this because this sure isn’t Andrew-Moceit-Fluff-Anderson, & you’re right! This is extremely out of character for me! But sometimes you just gotta hurt the anthropomorphized version of your panic disorder to get through some shit, you know? lmao. Maybe that’s relatable, maybe you’re wondering if my hitaus has turned me into a psycho; who knows! But anyway! I’m using Whumptober to explore some...less than savory topics. So honestly, a big fat “Don’t like, don’t read” / “Dead Dove Don’t Eat” on everything I post this month. But if you’re into it! Hell yeah! I hope you enjoy! :D

Taglist: @sanderssidesangsttrash​​ @catalinaacosta​ @whatishappeningrightnow​ @anxiousbean4404​ @vexelore​ @ranboo-but-booran​ @serpentinesomebody​ @poptartsaysurloved​ @robertdownerjr​ @dangitsbrightinhere​ @iamuncomffy​ @sanderdarksides​ @dragonfander @virgilstarantula​ @a-rudethude @indubitably-emo @gay-artist-626​ @edupunkn00b​ @wouldntyou-liketoknow​ @awesomerandomgirl1​ @cosplayhanna​ @rizzyluke​​ @all-panic-nodisco​ @remy-the-lemon-berry​ @their-royal-fiensishness​ @xravynsflamex​ @imma-potatoo​ @obsxdiannn​

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Hearing the television downstairs, Virgil decided that four in the afternoon was as good a time as any to leave his room for the day. With ghostly silent steps, he descended the stairs - only to stand awkwardly at the foot. His eyes settled on Janus who was staring at the flickering screen, a gloved hand bore the weight of his head with a cupped cheek. Virgil’s heart rate thrummed in his ears like an approaching war drum, nearly drowning out the indecisive show clips. The irregular pattern of noise began a pressure between his eyes as he strained to keep up with alternating sounds of unfamiliar shows.

“Oh is that o--” Virgil started, recognizing a voice finally with several ounces of relief. His head turned as Janus clicked past a rerun of The Twilight Zone.

He blinked, pausing on the following station as he looked up at Virgil with furrowed brows.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” Virgil said, shaking his head. With long steps he quickly retreated to the kitchen as Janus shrugged and resumed his mindless clicking.

Virgil collapsed against the kitchen counter, a palm splayed heavily behind him as though his life depended on it, the other gripping his stomach. Breathe, he ordered himself sternly, tightly closing his eyes and drawing in a breath he struggled to keep quiet. In, 1, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Out, 1, 2, 3, 4 -- 

“Virgil, since you’re in the kitchen,” Janus called, hardly louder than his speaking voice, but the sound made Virgil jump regardless. Instinctually a hand slammed over his mouth to keep the inevitable squeak on his tongue. “Would you be a darling and make us some tea?”

“Y-yeah! Sure!” He said, peeling his palm off his lips. As Janus remained silent, Virgil sighed heavily. 

He repeated his breathing exercise as the water boiled, again as he dumped a ridiculous amount of sugar in one mug and a single teaspoon in another, once more as he placed a bag of Red Rose strawberry cheesecake flavored herbal tea in one mug and a bag of standard Lipton black in the other. His hands had stopped shaking by the time he carried both steaming cups out and placed them on the coffee table. 

Typically he wasn’t one for hot drinks outside of the occasional hot chocolate in fall, but the idea of bringing Janus something without one of whatever it was for himself had always felt...off. Awkward maybe, or just weird; Virgil couldn’t say, but it always compelled him to inevitably join Janus, even if that was the last thing he wanted.

“Oh delightful,” Janus said, immediately wrapping his hands around the molten mug. Virgil flinched just thinking about touching something that hot, but Janus simply leaned back against the couch with a look Virgil could only describe as stupidly content. 

“Yeah,” He mumbled and again found himself standing there. 

Why was he always so awkward? Virgil internally lamented, wondering what normal people did with their hands. He’d been with Janus on this side of the Mindscape for four years now; had watched television and drank tea with him plenty of times. But it never felt easier. Janus put him on edge, for more than a handful of reasons; some harmful and some not. 

Fight or Flight - more aptly upgraded to Paranoia these days - in theory was necessary for something like Self Preservation. A healthy dose of Anxiety kept one vigilant about their health and surroundings; it provided information for Self Preservation to react to and plan for. On paper, they should be a smooth running machine; Virgil would alert Janus to dangers and Janus would provide the escape route. The wrench was that communication was neither of their strong suits; but after four years, Janus didn’t really need Virgil to speak. He knew his problematic little spider well enough by now.

“Sit down already,” Janus waved a hand to the open end of the couch. “Your angst is suffocating.” 

“S-sorry,” Virgil mumbled and sat on the opposite side of the L shaped couch.

“Tsk.”

The two sipped their respective cups in a smothering silence. Virgil’s shoulders ached under the weight. Should he talk? Was Janus going to say something? He stole a glance at his partner, and a sigh caught at the back of his throat at the sight. Janus sat upright, drinking his tea and staring at the television without even a furrow between his brow. Why was he always so goddamn content?

“You’re still upset.”

“No,” Virgil rushed, the sudden observation pumping adrenaline through his blood. Janus hadn’t even looked at him - how the hell had he made any sort of observation, true or not? The air around them sweetened. Janus narrowed his eyes condescendingly, finally sparing a glance at him to offer the expression. They both knew that was a lie. Virgil bowed his head, needing to look away.

“You should really know better by now.” Janus complained into this teacup, but to Virgil’s ears, it just sounded like an insult. 

He should know better by now than to lie to Janus’ face. Or maybe he should know better by now than to get upset at Thomas’ lies. But Virgil struggled to say it wasn’t the thought of Thomas lying that lurched his stomach. The words knotted his tongue and tightened his throat until even the tea wouldn’t go down.

Of course Janus knew this; knew every bit of Virgil’s simple psychology. His words were being misconstrued in that buzzing mind of his at this very moment. Even his intent from yesterday; misunderstood, which is what got them here of course. What was bothering Virgil was very easy to understand; when continuously faced with the fact that Janus unflinchingly told Thomas to lie, manipulate, and do whatever he must to get what he wants, it was only a matter of time before Virgil began to wonder if those very same morals were at play in their relationship. 

The answer was equally obvious, Janus thought, and therefore Virgil should know better by now.

“Yeah,” Virgil agreed with a sigh, but the bitterness continued to strangle him, and Janus felt no need to get into the topic. If they continued pretending as though things were fine, eventually they would be, which was usually his philosophy in dealing with Virgil’s anxiety.

The crushing silence rang in Virgil’s ears despite the ease it came to Janus with. Paranoia - it was a very difficult experience and talking himself off the ledge was getting harder every day. The thought of Janus hurting him was haunting. How far would he go to get his way? The things he implied Thomas should be willing to do...were they things Janus was willing to do to him? Virgil gulped, and then jumped five inches off the couch.

“Sup, emo,” Remus greeted nasally, having barrelled down the stairs in microseconds. Virgil’s heart all but stopped as he cursed at the warm tea that had splashed on his hand with the shock. 

With no amount of hesitance, Remus flopped on the couch and forced his head into Janus’ lap. Though Janus looked generally disgruntled about the loud interruption, he still lifted his arms and adjusted to make himself available. 

“Aw damn,” Remus continued gruffly, ignoring Virgil’s flinch and discomfort as he gave a grotesque sniff to the air. “You made tea and didn’t even heat me up any bleach? Booooooooo.”

“Sorry,” Virgil spat sarcastically, scrunching his nose, “I try not to think about you.” 

“That’s not what you said last night.” Remus mocked and Virgil choked on his inhale, going red.

“Be nice, Remus.” Janus bounced his leg gently, jostling him. “You know he’s much too frigid for that in this clearly public space. I mean, anyone could walk in at any moment.”

Remus snickered, folding his arms behind his head as Janus spoke with mocking alarm. He looked at Virgil expectantly and only had to wait a second before the bickering began.

“I am not frigid,” Virgil said, blushing still.

“Prove it, Daddy Long Legs,” Remus wiggled his brows suggestively. Virgil glared, but couldn’t keep the paranoia from creeping up on him; anxiously, he glanced at Janus, struggling to keep his attention on Remus. Janus, as though entirely separate from this conversation, seemed to be minding his own business now; he took a loud sip of his tea and kept his vision trained on the television that was quickly being drowned out by their arguing.

“H-how?” Virgil asked when he realized Janus wasn’t going to butt in, immediately regretting his decision to indulge Remus.

“Suck my dick,” he said quickly like he had just been waiting for Virgil to ask. “Right here in the living room!” His hands reached for his waistband. Covertly Janus reacted; as though he had inhaled at the wrong time, he quietly cleared his throat into a cupped hand.

“No!” Virgil protested immediately, recoiling as he nervously looked towards the staircase. 

“Prude.”

“Am not!”

“Virgin.”

“That’s just plain wrong!”

Virgil’s face had gone a deep scarlet and again he regretted his words. Anger seized his throat; though he hadn’t raised his volume, his words were heated and bitter. Remus, for all his apparent disinterest as the insults were slung, just couldn’t do away with the pleased sparkle in his eyes that always came with riling Virgil up.

“Is it really now, Screamo?” Remus taunted and Virgil pushed his tempered tongue against the side of his cheek. 

���You know it is,” His words came out slow and ground between his teeth. He hated Remus for making him say these things out loud, for making him acknowledge the truths he purposefully left hidden under his bedsheets. 

“Do I?” Remus dug a finger into his ear, giving Virgil a stupid and ignorant expression. “Sorry, Cindy Lou Boo, must’ve just…slipped my mind.” He finished with a shrug that held both his hands open.

Virgil groaned and pulled his knees to his chest, slamming back against the couch in a show of edgy annoyance. He glowered straight ahead, unseeing at the window as his rage-filled heart hammered against his ears.

“See what I mean?” Janus mumbled, a smirk just barely hidden behind his teacup. “Frigid.” He raised a shoulder in a half effort shrug. 

The words cut Virgil deep, deeper than Remus’ digs had. Janus was always cold and pointed with his insults. They hit hard and lingered with murderous precision. Remus’ were fast and easy to ignore in the long run. Virgil forced himself to take a breath; his lungs expanded against his legs. This was a stupid arguement to be having. They both knew what Virgil was like in bed, which he guessed was why they liked teasing him, but it wasn’t fun. Not for him anyway. Even so, it made Virgil feel like he had something to prove. 

Maybe it was some sort of twisted aspect of toxic masculinity or something, but he couldn’t just let their jeering go. It festered in him, the need to be recognized as one of them, because these days it really was feeling like Janus and Remus were against him, which was fucked up if you asked Virgil. He’d been with Janus the longest, so why was Remus able to just swoop in and act like this? Virgil steeled himself with more deep breaths before opening his mouth.

“Talking is overrated,” Virgil started and Janus peered through the corner of his eyes, recognizing how uncharacteristic of him those words were. “If you can’t remember, I’ll just have to remind you.”

“Hell yeah,” Remus immediately enthused, a wide grin cracking his face as he reached for his waistband.

“N-not here,” Virgil rushed, desperately clinging to the cool tone he had used just a moment ago. Remus pouted and Virgil raised his eyes to insinuate one of their bedrooms above them. “Later.”

“Fiiiiiiiiine,” He bemoaned, crossing his arms and sinking back into the couch, his head colliding Janus’ lap again.

“Well then,” Janus mumbled and reached for the remote.

-----

Remus maintained a rough grip in Virgil’s hair. When his fingers had first tightly laced at the roots, Virgil had yelped and felt the familiar tingle of adrenaline prick down his spine. Now, even though Remus hadn’t let up at all, it felt mostly numb - at least in comparison to everything else. His boney knees had begun going red against the carpet, even behind the fabric of his jeans. The color was both from how harsh Remus had pushed him down onto them and for how long he’d been kneeling. His throat ached something raw. His lungs strained against his ribs. His cock struggled for friction against the boot between his thighs. 

Virgil’s subdued cries fell on sadistic ears; not apathetic or deaf ones. Remus was spurred on by how Virgil’s protests interrupted the wet sound of his cock colliding against the back of his throat. Virgil knew that of course, and it was a thin line to be riding. Tonight, the margin for error felt smaller than usual. 

Perhaps it was his interaction with Janus earlier or maybe it was the instigation this was founded on, but Remus’ grin seemed to glow maliciously down at him. The walls of his throat squeezed unusually tight, reluctant to relax no matter how many deep and even breaths Virgil forced through his nose. His hands shook against his thighs with the restraint of keeping his fight or flight at bay. It wasn’t typically this difficult, taking Remus’ cock and swallowing his violence. For all his objection in the living room earlier, the crude mockery of love that was his lewd time spent with Remus was enjoyable for him. Usually.

Tonight his body reacted like a great duality sliced a canyon in his mind; though he could feel his cock throbbing against his pants and his hips aching to press down against the rigid surface of Remus’ shoe, the familiar animal of panic surged through him, screaming danger like a mating Bellbird. Remus’ hand pressed Virgil’s head down further, his cock searching for the give that’d have him sliding down with ease. Virgil’s eyes watered; even in pain he struggled to maintain eye contact. His vision swam as he glanced between Remus’ unwavering, heated stare and the ceiling just behind his head. 

“Relax already, Virge,” Remus complained, reaching with his other hand to tip Virgil’s head back by his chin.

He whined, though the sound quickly became strangled against the obstruction. He was trying, he was trying so hard to let Remus cram himself down, but the more Remus pressed, the more obvious it became that Virgil’s throat wasn’t letting up; and the more obvious that became, the more distressed Virgil got. He was trying, why wasn’t it working? It always did, he was always able to do at least this much. If he couldn’t even deepthroat Remus…maybe they were right. Shame tightened his chest as Janus’ voice rang through his mind. You know he’s much too frigid for that…

Janus couldn’t be right about that. Virgil wouldn’t let Janus be right about that. Rallying, Virgil shifted forward on his knees, straightening his back. His crotch slid further up Remus’ boot, and despite the tears in his eyes, Virgil looked desperately stubborn. 

“Ooooh,” Remus almost sang, his voice entertained as he tugged the tuft of Virgil’s hair in his grip and earned a gargled cry. “You’re finally ready to try, Scare Bear?”

He winced; he was already trying, but it was probably a good thing, Virgil thought, that Remus didn’t realize that. It’d just make him look that much more pathetic.

With a deep breath, Virgil squeezed his eyes shut. His knuckles went white as they gripped the hem of his shirt. He forced his jaw to relax, his tongue to press flat against the bottom of his mouth. This would hurt. He steeled himself for pain. The Bellbird rioted in his ears and every other thought hazed as he pressed forward of his own volition. Remus’ hands guided him forward as his cock split through the anxious knot in his throat. The courage of determination and humiliation wasn’t enough to numb the agony. His eyes shot open and the muscles in his neck tensed to pull back as Remus’ cock penetrated beyond his soft palate and teased at the entrance of his esophagus. 

Remus’ eyes fluttered shut as he moaned, his head falling back as though it was a great effort to stay standing as pleasure coursed through him. Virgil’s panic rose and no amount of nonverbal approval could prevent him from jerking away - or at least trying to. As he pulled back, feeling his lungs burn for air, he realized the real reason Remus’ hands had stayed lodged in his hair and gripped on his jaw; to hold him in place when he inevitably changed his mind. At the revelation, Virgil squirmed, his hands unconsciously reaching for Remus’ pant leg as muffled pleas wedged between the walls of his throat and Remus’ cock. Virgil struggled, his movements frenzying the longer Remus went without a reaction. He clawed at Remus’ leg as his jaw reflexively tightened. His front teeth grazed the intrusive member between his lips and despite Virgil’s misery, he attempted to keep his mouth open. Tears streaked down his cheeks and his thoughts crescendo to their steepest point of doom; he would die here.

Remus sighed and loosened his hold on the back of Virgil’s head, enough for him to slide backwards several inches until his cock rested at the back of his throat, no longer obstructing Virgil’s breath. But Virgil continued to push back, wanting to eject the horror completely. He shook his head and stared up at Remus with pleading, terror-filled eyes.

“God, Dee’s right, you’re such a Drama King. Breathe already,” Remus said with an exasperated eye roll.

The mention of Janus felt like a slap across the face. How often did they talk about him? Did they only have bad things to say? His stomach flipped and he forced his eyes closed. He already suspected it was like that; he shouldn’t act so shocked. Ever since Remus has come back from the Imagination, he was closer to Janus than Virgil had ever been. It made him beyond jealous, beyond paranoid - but could it really be called paranoia if he was proven right? 

Though Remus’ words were harsh, Virgil eventually obeyed, realizing he was right as a slow and even breath went through his nose and down to his lungs easily. It didn’t matter what Janus said about him, Virgil lied to himself. It didn’t matter if they talked behind his back. He’d prove them wrong.

“Good, now stop being such a wuss already,” Remus continued as Virgil’s panic began to subside. Little by little his deep breaths chipped away at the looming wall of his anxiety until eventually, only a line of bricks remained. 

He was fine. He did this all the time - well not all the time but frequently enough that it was pretty ridiculous of him to make such a big deal out of it. He blushed, thinking about how pitiful he must’ve looked, struggling to get half of Remus’ cock down. Embarrassment swelled and he swallowed against the feeling, closing his lips around Remus in the process. He gave a small nod and readied himself. This time, he wouldn’t be such a coward.

Remus’ hand tensed in Virgil’s hair and a flinch coiled in his muscles; but the moment remained paused as Remus hesitated.

“Pull your pants down.”

Virgil blinked up at him, a dumb look on his face as his fearful mind struggled to keep up. 

“Pants. Down.” Remus repeated like it was the most obvious thing in the world, his tone bewildered. He lifted his foot which remained pressed against Virgil’s cock; the jolt of sudden pressure seemed to get the point across finally.

Virgil unfurled his hands from Remus’ pant leg. His knuckles cracked from being released for the first time in several long minutes. The blood rushed back to them as he fumbled with his zipper and button. Clumsily he maneuvered them down his thighs and below his knees enough. With that done, he looked back at Remus, wanting to just get on with this already. His hardon had shrunk significantly with his earlier pain and even thinking about getting off now made his skin crawl. He wanted to get this over with. His throat ached, his head was pounding, and his knees were raw.

“Boxers too, Spidey,” Remus said impatiently.

Virgil sighed through his nose. He should’ve seen that coming. He looked down, though from his angle he couldn’t see very far without taking Remus’ cock out of his mouth, which was very clearly unallowed by the hands holding his head still. The color on his cheeks darkened at the realization; if he took his boxers off, there’d be nothing between him and Remus’ boot. Disgust overtook him. He didn’t want to touch those things with his hands, let alone his cock.

“My shoes are clean, Sir Bite.” Remus said, tone full of disdain as though it was completely out of the realm of possibilities that his shoes were dirty. “I’m going soft,” He lamented, pushing Virgil’s head forward an inch to feel some friction, making him squeak in surprise. “Hurry up.” 

 Dejected, he repeated the process, albeit a bit quicker this time, and exposed his half-hard cock. He held it in his hand as he shifted himself back into position; spine straight, thighs separated, head tilted back with his jaw slack and lips tight - though he hadn’t had much of a choice with the latter part. Remus bent his head to the side and peered with dissatisfaction at the way Virgil refused to let his cock touch his shoe. Again he lifted his foot, pointedly pressing against Virgil’s hand as his eyes rolled to lock their gaze. Virgil’s cock twitched in his grip as Remus nearly glared at him with expectation; he resented the thing for it. There was no way such a revolting insinuation should get that sort of rise out of him…and yet, it had. His stomach churned and his nerves frayed as Remus refused to move. It was clear nothing would start or end until Virgil released his cock.

Slowly Virgil closed his eyes again, resigning himself to a very hot, very soapy shower later. He released his hand and rested both, once more, on his thighs. His cock pressed against the leather of Remus’ shoe. It felt…demeaning, Virgil thought. He especially hated how it curled his muscles with anticipation. He cursed internally and refused to meet Remus’ knowing stare. Bastard.

“Good. Now deep breath, emo.” He warned a second before he began to press forward again.

Panic exploded through him like a bullet with the words as his eyes shot open. He rushed to inhale as told in the moment that Remus’ cock inched beyond the back of his throat again. The adrenaline of fight or flight flooded his blood, electrifying his brain with the lone command to flee. But Remus’ hands and eyes paralyzed him; even if Virgil could find it in himself to move as irrational fear crippled him, he’d be prevented. He hadn’t noticed at what point he had stopped crying, but a renewed wetness began trickling down his cheeks, dripping onto his shaking hands. 

His cock hardened against Remus’ boot despite himself, the feeling of being trapped somehow translating to arousal as Remus began violating his esophagus with paced thrusts and deep groans. Virgil knew that was exactly what Remus wanted; for all his pain and dread to transform into surrender and lust. That’s how it usually went so it was no wonder his cock dripped against the leather, preparing for the moment Virgil’s desire to run flipped on its head and he embraced his instinct to fight instead. But it was so much more difficult tonight to simply let that happen. 

Virgil choked out a defeated whine, blinking rapidly as tears blurred his vision. The sound made Remus’ cock twitch aggressively; his movements hastened and Virgil gargled on his welling spit as his lungs began burning again. 

“You know what to do,” Remus grunted, gripping his jaw tighter as he plunged deep enough to press Virgil’s lips against his crotch. He could feel his Adam’s apple taut against his skin. “To make it stop hurting so much.” Virgil thought if he wasn’t preoccupied, the words would’ve sounded like a laugh. Instead they were rushed, like Virgil’s pain was an annoyance rather than a concern.

Twenty seconds had passed and Virgil started to think he was going to die again. It hurt so much, all of it, and Remus was right; there was one way to make it stop, or at least dull it a bit, but Virgil didn’t want to think about that. The idea of moving his hips to gain friction against Remus’ shoe was…outrageous, ludicrous, crazy. But His cock ached for it, dripped precum against the cloth laces for it. Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. He shook his head as much as he could and choked out a wet wail. Remus clicked his tongue and seemed to shrug about it; it wasn’t his problem if Virgil didn’t take him up on the relief he was offering. 

The obscene sound of Remus’ cock pushing all the way down Virgil’s throat filled the room. It invaded his mind and seemed to be in rhythm with his heart, drowning the sound out. Ten more seconds and he struggled to keep his eyes open. Five more and his heart desynced from the even tempo of Remus’ thrusts. His pulse slowed and it was like he was standing in the living room, listening to Janus rapidly flick through the television channels again; a pressure formed between his eyes as he strained to keep up with what was happening. A dull panic nauseated his stomach. A sudden flash of heat like a desert wind beaded sweat at the back of his neck. 

Was this enough? Did he live up to the expectation now? They couldn’t still call him frigid or a prude or accuse him of being a virgin after this, right? If he held on long enough and let Remus cum like this, maybe they’d even stop teasing him so much. Virgil hoped that was true, oh, he hoped so much. This could be just like a hazing ritual; he’d pass with flying colors if he could just sit still and take Remus’ brutality without flinching. 

His thoughts became nonsensical as his body ran out of oxygen. This wasn’t a hazing ritual. This was just how Remus was. He’d never be comfortable around Janus again. He’d never have Janus to himself anymore; Remus would always be standing in the way like some twisted guard. Even in moments of peace, the inevitability of his unsettling nature put Virgil on edge. No amount of Deceit could cover the truth anymore. Thomas was sick and Remus was the proof.

As his vision went dark, Remus released his grip on Virgil’s hair. His fight or flight returned all at once as he was finally able to pull away. Falling backwards, a hand clawed at his throat, the other bracing himself up in a shaky way as he gasped and choked for air. Everything he knew about steadying his breathing had exited his mind somehow. He scrambled for ways to calm his now pounding heart; his wide eyes snapped across the room, up at Remus, across the room, up at Remus. What was it again? Something about counting, right? Panic climbed higher and higher until Virgil was sure his throat would close or his heart would burst, whichever came first would be the end of him.

Remus watched, a brow raised as he stroked his reddened cock, inches from finishing himself off. He wasn’t stupid, he knew the telltale signs of Virgil’s panic whatevers. He just didn’t understand them; why they happened, why Virgil made such a big deal out of them. If Virgil knew even a fraction of the things that went through his head, then maybe he’d have something to panic about. Virgil had it pretty easy in comparison.

“What’s with the hissy fit, Purple Heart Attack?” Remus said, voice strained with labored breathing as he closed the distance between them. 

Virgil made a high pitched sound and went to crawl backwards. He was only successful for a moment before Remus caught his hand and brought it up to his cock. Reluctantly, Virgil wrapped his fingers around the width as he was physically instructed.

“C’mon, loser, I’m almost there.” Remus grunted as he forced Virgil’s hand to move against him; eventually he began to mechanically move his arm without aid. 

Just a few more minutes, Virgil told himself, but the dizziness grew a heavy fog behind his eyes as his throat continued to clamp down on itself. His rhythm was uneven, his arm grew numb and Remus’ impatience surmounted into an agitated sound. He slapped Virgil’s hand away and took the final steps to tower over him. Grabbing his own length roughly, Remus stroked fast and hard, his sounds cresting to a loud moan of release as his eyes squeezed shut. Virgil froze, unable to look away until Remus came; his semen landed in streaks across Virgil’s face and the floor behind him.

They both panted, hard and heavy with shaking hands. It was over, but as Remus’ high faded in the afterglow, Virgil’s panic only continued to rise. With a quiet and involuntary cry, Virgil’s hands reached out, searching for a comfort his logical mind, if at all present, would have realized didn’t exist in Remus. Predictably, Remus stepped back, adjusting his pants into place as he avoided Virgil’s grip. 

“What?” He said, tone so condescending, Virgil had almost thought Janus was in the room. “It’s like you said; talking is overrated, right?” 

Virgil’s arms fell as tears burned his eyes. When did Remus get that good at cutting deep? Weren’t his insults always easy to avoid, or at least get over? Even though Remus had just spoken those words, Virgil felt them settling deep in his bones. They would haunt him forever, he could already tell.

“Right.” He sniffled as Remus turned away and headed for the door. Virgil wiped his nose wetly on his sleeve. 

Remus left, not caring that he had closed the door so hard, the wall decor had rattled. Virgil flinched at the sound and pulled his knees to his chest, which certainly didn’t help how difficult it was to breathe. He was glad they always did this in his room; he didn’t think he would’ve had it in him to stand, pull his pants up, and sink out before the loud sobs began. Equally, he didn’t know if the sobs were from anger, embarrassment, or loneliness. Maybe it was some unfortunate mix of all three. 

[otterplusharchive]

rey! do you have any recs for kdramas? i have never watched any, but i like lovable characters and romance ? thank you in advance!

I DO IN FACT HAVE DRAMA RECS HII not all of these will be kdramas, but ill start with the kdramas ive watched and enjoyed and ill include all the warnings for them that i can remember off the top of my head and a brief synopsis for u!

kdramas-

1. weight lifting fairy kim bok joo

this was probably one of the first kdramas i saw people post about in like 2015 and i watched a little bit of it in 2016 but then only just got around to finishing it last year. the basic gist of it is its about a young sports college weight lifter, kim bok joo, centering around her navigating through her life and trying to figure out who she is and what she wants in life and what she wants to be. her romantic interest in the show is a swimmer and they have a sort of rivals to friends to lovers, he is SO in love with her and its adorable. i absolutely loved the side characters in this show theyre all so fun and kim bok joos best friends and weight lifting team are especially delightful. my main warning would be that this show addresses eating disorders and theres a lot of mention of both weight gain and weight loss, theres also a plot point early on where kim bok joo has a crush on her eventual love interests older brother but it gets resolved and the older brother literally goes "i didnt realize you had a crush on me and if i knew that i wouldnt have been so friendly with you, it would be completely innapropriate for us to be in a relationship". overall its a really sweet and emotional fun show but if you have issues with weight talk id skip this one

2. tale of the nine tailed

this one is really recent from last year and i didnt expect to be so hooked by it but boy howdy did i get attached to all the characters and the wild plot. it feels hard to explain the plot but basically a nine tailed fox named lee yeon is living in modern day seoul and is working for the underworld finding paranormal spirits/creatures/other rogue foxes that are causing havoc on the world, hes resigned himself to living this life while waiting for his girlfriend who died tragically 600 years ago to come back to life because he traded his status as a mountain god in order to ensure that her soul would one day be reincarnated. a plucky investigative journalist named nam ji ah figures out that hes not human and shenanagins ensue because she looks exactly like his dead girlfriend oooooo whatll happen. the plot beyond that gets really wild and its hard to explain and is easier to just watch. if u enjoy paranormal adventures this one is good. my one big complaint and issue with this is that the immortal mountain spirit meets his original girlfriend when shes a child and she continues to visit him off and on as she grows up which is Hm I Dont Like That! but thankfully the present time romance our female lead meets him when shes about 30 if im remembering right. also warnings for general fantasy violence, references to child abuse, animal death, and abandonment issues

3. extraordinary you

HUGE unreality warning for this. if you have issues with feeling unreal or have paranoia/delusions about not being a real person id avoid this one just because of its premise

ok i know i said tale of the nine tailed was a hard plot to explain but BOY extraordinary you is even HARDER to explain. because its so wild but so good. its about a girl who realizes that she is literally a side character in a comic book, and the story becomes her trying to change the story to save her character from dying but it becomes a lot more than that. the romance in this is literally tooth achingly sweet and the show itself is very pretty, i loved the side characters in this one and the show was engaging and interesting to watch it became really layered and meta. super reccomend this one honestly. my main issues/warnings that i can remember off the top of my head were just one character being the classic controlling boyfriend stereotype, bullying someone specifically for being poor, unreality like i mentioned before, and then at the very end there was this love interest for a side character who got reincarnated from a past piece of writing that they had been in and put in the comic but she was a student and he was the school cook which is weird but thankfully they like barely interact at all and theres no real romance he just like recognizes her and its barely a thing at the end of the show but its still weird

4. mystic pop up bar

big warning for suicide, sexual harrasment (which is framed as being bad and the guy whos harrassing the girl literally gets thrown off a roof)

i havent finished this one yet and thats mainly because im not emotionally ready because this one makes me soooo emotional. if you like found family this is a good one. its about a pop up bar run by a woman whos been tasked with solving the problems of a certain amount of people in order to atone for her crimes in the past before dying, shes able to enter the dreams of people and solve their issues using the information she gets in the dreams. paranormal shenanagins ensue, she acquires a son and a husband and it kills me its so fun and quirky and fun despite handling dark themes and peoples problems. also very sweet the found family murders me

5. kingdom (netflix original)

i literally am not going to be able to watch any other zombie media because kingdom and train to busan are the best pieces of zombie media ive ever seen. warnings for gore and violence and just general horror aspects.

i absolutely love this one its so thrilling and well done, i love the acting and the way that this show looks its absolutely gorgeous. a zombie plague breaks out in joseon period korea where the emperor has died and then was brought back to life by the queen and her father in a ploy to try and keep their family in political power, the crown prince must find answers. a lot more happens and its very dramatic and good i love the characters in this one

cdramas

1. the untamed. if you follow me and you havent watched the untamed im begging you to watch the untamed. literally one of the most beautiful stories ive experienced in my life i am not joking when i say i cried multiple times over it. the main characters are canonically gay in love and have a son together please watch the untamed. handles a lot of dark themes, heres a tw guide

2. the sleuth of the ming dynasty

this is another one i havent finished but its fun so far, very gay, found family, food, and solving murder mysteries during the ming dynasty

3. hikaru no go (also known as qi hun)

havent finished this one, there is some propaganda about hong kong in the first episode but as far as i know thats the only instance of something like that in the show

this ones about the game go and so far its very sweet and fun, local boy awakens a ghost who was a master of the game of go hundreds of years ago and eventually is persuaded to learn how to play go with the aid of the ghost. im really liking this one so far its very cute and i love the characters in it. if youve watched the untamed nie huaisangs actor ji li is in this one!

4. the legend of yunqian

this ones very short and on youtube, all the episodes are about 5 minutes long and its a lesbian time travel fantasy adventure with a happy ending! funny and cute

jdramas

1. cherry magic

please please please watch cherry magic. the premise sounds very much like a weird yaoi kind of thing but trust me on this. trust me. it is so heart warming and sweet and i was so emotional about it and the growth of the main character.

adachi gains the power to read peoples minds on his 30th birthday based off a urban legend that if youre a 30 year old virgin that youll become a wizard. after gaining this power he accidentally finds out that his extremely popular and handsome coworker has a crush on him, and shenanagins ensue along with adachi having blossoming feelings in return. this show was really refreshing in a lot of ways, adachi is a main character who like.. is unsure of himself and insecure in a very kind of realistic way, he closes himself off and is afraid to reach out to people and through the course of the show we see him slowly come out of his shell and realize that hes likeable and lovable and that people want to be around him and its so nice to see. my main complaint about this show is that i dont really like the background couple, but otherwise this is a very sweet and refreshing gay romance that has a happy ending!

some others that i myself havent seen but that ive seen people talk about a lot and that i want to watch eventually:

- the legend of fei (cdrama)

- the wolf (cdrama)

- gaurdian (cdrama, not the kdrama one called goblin)

- healer (kdrama, i did watch some of this one but it was in 2016 and i never finished it so i barely remember any of it but i do remember liking it)

- nobody knows (kdrama)

- its ok to not be ok (kdrama)

sorry this is so long but i hope youll be able to find a drama u enjoy!!

[the1918]

Some of you are familiar with my Sugar Daddy Bucky x Stevie AU, and if you are, I have some exciting news!

Sugar Baby Stevie is genderfluid!

(In an honest coincidence I happened across this information just before International Non-Binary People’s Day-- which is today!)

I have never written a nonbinary character before, so I was very excited when Stevie finally told me this! I’d like to share with everyone how I arrived at this conclusion as an author, and also tell you a little bit more about Steve. 

First, some background. When I originally wrote “All the Sugar in the World”, I set out to write a totally gratuitous porn-without-plot (PWP) story in which:

Sugar Daddy Bucky and his husband Steve shared a feminization kink. The point of this mutual kink was that they both got off on Steve, a self-identifying man (who I then assumed to be cisgendered), playing the heavily feminine character of “Daddy’s Pretty Wife”. 

This was a “sometimes but not all the time” bedroom dynamic for them and it was (and still is) purely sexual. “Daddy’s Pretty Wife” is a role play character for Steve, not an identity. This is the reason why in the story, Bucky uses she/her pronouns out loud when talking to Steve in-character, but refers to Steve by he/him pronouns in Bucky’s head.

As the author, I wrote both Steve and Bucky as cisgendered men, and I specified that Bucky is attracted exclusively to other men (Steve’s sexuality was not addressed).

In the other stories and head canons I have written in this AU I have always written Steve as being moderately to very effeminate both in and outside of the bedroom. This was and remains independent of the Daddy’s Pretty Wife role play character. It was made clear that he enjoys looking/feeling pretty while still identifying as a man.

So that’s how the character started for me. But lately, as I have been preparing to write a “how they met” and “first times” set of stories, I’ve thought more and more about Steve’s characterization outside of sexual role play and I’ve realized Steve’s truth: Stevie would not feel comfortable in a strict gender expression box!

Once I realized this, I immediately got writer’s block. It was like Steve would not let me write his character without recognizing that part of their identity and fleshing it out in my head. So... that’s why we’re here! I want you all to get to know Sugar Baby Stevie better. I’d also like to keep this on my blog as a standing author’s note that I can refer readers back to, because I do not plan on making this one, lone aspect of the character central to any given story; the most important and most immutable aspect of Steve’s character remains-- as always-- that Stevie likes to bounce on Daddy’s cock.

Sugar Baby Stevie:

Stevie is a genderfluid AMAB (assigned male at birth) person who prefers he/him pronouns almost all of the time, but is also fine with they/them.

But about 5% of the time, Stevie wakes up in the morning and says, “You know what? Today I am a woman.” On these days Steve prefers she/her pronouns but is still fine with they/them. Steve refers to these days as her “girly days” (or weeks).

Steve goes by “Steve” or “Stevie” no matter what kind of gender expression day they’re having. Stevie is a nickname, not a feminized version of Steve.

Steve is Bucky’s “husband” most days, but his “wife” on girly days. Steve is Bucky’s partner every day.

Bucky checks in with Steve every morning when they wake up with their own little language. He might say, “who’s my pretty sweetheart today?” and Steve might respond, “I’m your baby boy” or “Daddy’s best girl” or “who knows?”... or Steve might groan and roll over and say “ask me later Daddy, I’m sleepy”. 

Steve does not experience body dysphoria on her girly days. However, she does sometimes experience gender euphoria when Daddy Bucky or others gender her correctly! Daddy loves to make his baby girl smile bright like that.

Steve loves to feel pretty no matter what kind of gender expression day it is. He loves soft colors like pinks and pastels, and he loves glitter, and all of that is still true when she’s having girly days. Oh, and lace. Steve loves lace.

One of the many reasons Steve loves Bucky is that-- unlike some people Steve has encountered in the past-- Bucky does not fetishize Steve’s genderfluidity. The feminization kink they share (the “Daddy’s Pretty Wife” persona) is completely independent of Steve’s actual gender expression. They can even enjoy that role play on girly days if they want to and it still has the same impact, no differently than a cisgendered woman roleplaying a sexy French maid in bed. It’s a character.

Daddy refers to Steve’s ass as a “pussy” or a “cunt” regardless of Steve’s current gender expression, because Steve likes how dirty it sounds and because it’s a taboo-sounding kind of talk that gets them both going.

I have a lot of other head canons on this topic (Stevie is soooo talkative now that they’ve opened up to me about their gender!), but I’ll stop there for now.

Now that we know more about Steve’s own gender dynamic, I want to address (as a standing A/N) how my “author epiphany moment” has impacted my previous works in this series and how I have changed them (including re-writes and added author’s notes):

The AU/Series name has been changed from “Sugar Daddy Bucky and Twunk Stevie” to just “Sugar Daddy Bucky and Stevie”, because “twunks” are boys and sometimes Steve is not a boy!

“All The Sugar In The World” remains largely unchanged, because the premise is still completely valid in the context of Steve’s genderfluidity. The story takes place on a day when Steve identifies as a man (which he does most days) and Bucky is aware of that, which was also the situation when I posted the story originally. 

The main thing that has been changed about ATSITW is Bucky’s sexuality. In the original story it was implied that that Bucky is attracted exclusively to men (”gay as a daffodil”, my ode to Freddie Mercury). Looking back, I realized that what I was really feeling was that Bucky is attracted primarily to masculine bodies like Steve’s. Given the fact that Bucky is attracted to Steve independent of his chosen gender expression, I think he would more closely identify as bisexual with a preference for men. TL;DR: Bucky can’t get hung up on pronouns when his mouth is too full of Steve’s pussy to pronounce them.

The remaining fics and ficlets in that series all took place on “he/him” days, so again, no changes required.

I am SO excited to write more of these two in the future. They are all different kinds of kinky and they are so very, very in love <3

Thank you so much to @andysmountains​​ for being my counselor through this exploration and providing sensitivity reading, hype, and incredible head canons. Also, shout-out to @cantabile-l​ for being a magical trove of head canon detail.

Last--- I myself do not currently identify as non-binary, so I welcome input from my NB readers who have thoughts/comments/concerns/head canons about Steve!

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 1 reaction

So! It’s a million years too late, but I decided to talk about wtFOCK season 3. 

I had fairly positive feelings about S1 of wtFOCK. It was the scrappy underdog of the Skam remakes, in a way, and what it lacked in polish, it made up for authenticity. I was very willing to overlook its flaws because of what I perceived as genuine attempts to connect with teenagers. I was really, really holding out hope that future seasons would improve on its flaws. And ... well. (Disclaimer: I still haven’t seen S2. Sorry! I just failed to keep up with all the remakes and S2 is my least fave so I didn’t feel that motivated to make it a priority, even though I did like Zoë a lot in S1.)

Heads up - I didn’t care for this season. A lot of people did, and I would never, ever want to ruin someone’s enjoyment of something, even if I personally didn’t like it. So please take this as a warning that I have a lot of negative things to say, and don’t read if it’s going to harsh your buzz for a pairing or a story that you deeply love. However, I didn’t want to just be grumpy and angry the whole time, so I tried to think of constructive ways to fix certain problems I had with this season. No guarantees that they’re satisfying solutions, but it was an interesting exercise.

Also, I didn’t watch this in real time, and I paid barely any attention to fandom reactions and/or drama, so it’s very possible that I am missing context, or that pacing issues didn’t register with me quite as strongly, etc. If one of the actors ate a live dolphin on Instagram, and then got into a fight with fans on Twitter about their right to eat live dolphins, and now fandom has canceled the problematic dolphin-eating actor, I legit do not know, do not come at me if I’m like “This actor is doing a good job” with “Wow, didn’t know you stanned dolphin-eaters??? YIKES.” Honestly, for the purposes of just grading this season on a storytelling level, I would prefer not to know anything about the cast or crew unless it directly has an impact on the show itself.

Clip 1 - House party

OK, I did like this flashy intro shot, immersing us in the Wild ‘n’ Crazy Teen Party of Wild ‘n’ Crazy Youths.

Amber rejecting every dude in site … When Will Gay Vilde Rise. (I know there have been some f/f storylines in the remakes, but if there’s one involving an actual Vilde, please let me know.)

Luca saying “We’re not walking around in a high school drama” - you can hear the rimshot.

I do like the transition from the party up to the bathroom, that’s a cool shot. wtFOCK’s directing so far is more ambitious than it was in S1.

Robbe is clearly a mess and they acknowledge his problems at home right off the bat.

We go back downstairs. wtFOCK’s version of Magnus knocks his drink on Amber and she gets pissed. She gives him the finger and he falls in love. Still a better love story than S3 Daphne/Basile.

It’s a small point, but I don’t get why we didn’t get this moment before jumping up to the bathroom with Robbe and the others? It would be a far smoother transition, just on a practical level and also in the sense of fully immersing us in Robbe’s POV after a quick update with the other characters.

Belgian Magnus joins the guys in the bathtub and announces he’s in love. They roast him when they find out it’s Amber and start talking about hot chicks. Moyo starts grilling Robbe about his type of girl, in a crass, sexual way.

This is honestly not a bad start to Robbe’s story at all. Robbe is clearly more reluctant to get into his interest in girls than Isak was - Isak was more fuckboyish from the start, Robbe seems like he’s about to start squirming and doesn’t really give an answer to Moyo’s questioning. Which is fine! I think it’s fine to start off the POV character at different stages of performing heterosexuality, as long as it’s taken into account in the writing of the character’s whole arc. The fact that the boy talk is so crude and sexual just ramps up Robbe’s alienation.

I swear, I will never understand how the girls in this scene just go into the bathroom and pee in front of strange boys … like maybe I am just a ~prude but that seems like a recipe for disaster and I would not trust those little fuckers to not be secretly recording me on the toilet.

Her peeing is kind of a power move, like marking her territory.

Also L M A O at Robbe starting to flirt with the girl while she is pissing … like now this comes off as a kink thing. OK, Robbe. Jokes aside, this gets across the same meaning as the scene with Isak: he starts to flirt with her because he was encouraged by the other guys.

Uh, flush the toilet, lady. And use some TP.

Now this version of Emma seriously radiates some Natalie Portman in The Professional vibes.

She orders him to stand up and then starts kissing him. I get way less of a vibe of Robbe’s mad game with women (like how Isak negged Emma into kissing him) and more like this girl is the love interest out of an indie romcom, all mysterious and spunky. She kisses him like once after taking his jay and then leaves. The boys all crack up. Moyo tells Robbe it’s his responsibility to get the weed back which lmao, no it’s not, all you assholes were there and could have intervened.

This scene is perfectly fine and even effective! Not entirely the same vibes as OG, but it still has a purpose and some obvious cause-and-effect, and there are some nice stylistic choices.

Clip 2 - Party pt. 2

Robbe is now making out with mystery girl. We already have a divergence in characterization from OG. Isak was being performative about making out with Emma and shut it down once the guys left. Robbe is making out with this girl because he wants to be straight, I guess? If it’s not to appeal to his friends, it’s likely that this is for himself. Again, I have no real problem with this change if it’s incorporated into Robbe’s overall arc and characterization. My thing is, if you’re writing this scene, do you realize the differences in characterization? Or do you think this is interchangeable from what happened with Isak? The latter is where you run into problems, because then the writing shows lack of nuance. I bring this up here because, well, you can guess how I feel about later events. 

Luca seems rather aggro about the mystery woman, which I assume is because she still has the hots for Robbe?

It makes me laugh that we got this first-person POV as Robbe leaves through the garage, because of the “Smack My Bitch Up” song being played in the last clip (the song had an infamous music video, banned from MTV in the ‘90s, that was from a first-person POV). But again, WTFock is trying harder with the cinematography and direction, good for them.

Robbe ditches the cops by jumping on the bike with Belgian Emma. OK, I get it, Belgian Emma is too cool for school. 

I have kinda mixed feelings on that, actually. I mean, I’ll be honest - I don’t see why any Emma has to be made into someone more palatable. Definitely don’t demonize her or present her in a misogynistic way! She deserves sympathy and dignity as much as any character on a Skam. But … it’s fine if she and the Isak aren’t like, amazingly compatible except for his sexuality. The Even character is supposed to be the one who really shakes up the Isak’s world! The Isak is supposed to be lost and confused and drifting and then Even comes in and is someone he can really open up to. Not just because he’s another guy who’s into guys, but because Even’s personality meshes with Isak’s so easily while still challenging him and introducing him to new things. In a way, it does kinda diminish the effect of the Even if the Isak meets ANOTHER mysterious stranger who’s an awesome person. Or at the very least, it lessens the feeling of the Isak’s detachment from everything.

And again, this could work if the writing realizes it. You can totally craft a subtly different arc from the pieces of Isak’s season. It’s just that (speaking from the future) I do not feel this is what happened.

Clip 3 - Tagging time

I don’t think it’s necessary to break up all the parts of a longer scene/set piece into a bunch of different clips. If you start a scene at 16:00, it’s OK to have the clip take place over several hours. You don’t need to chop it up unless there’s a reason why this pacing might benefit the story. Honestly, if you’re watching in real time, I think this method is often less effective at building tension/emotion/etc. But wtFOCK is not the first remake to try this tactic.

... this part where Robbe and Noor put on masks sure hits differently in 2020.

Belgian Emma’s name is Noor and she takes him to a warehouse, or something? It’s very secret and Cool Kid. And IDK, it’s fun, but again… I think making the Emma that much of a fun mysterious cool exciting person is very much diminishing the effect of Robbe’s isolation. We had a good start with establishing that alienation while he was in the tub, but now his reactions to her rad hipness feel way too sincere and act against the major character conflict of his season. He seems nervous to go with her, but not because he’s with a girl, just because it’s a risky scenario.

Noor hands Robbe a spray paint can and leads him to tag a wall. There’s  a guy taking pictures. So I’m assuming one of the guys in masks is the Even? The POV seems to shift to the photo guy briefly, like we’re seeing Robbe through his eyes. And even though I’m not a fan of POV breakage, I do think this is a cool way to introduce the Even without really introducing him, you know? If that’s him. (EDIT from the future: Ummm, so that wasn’t Sander, right? I’m rewatching and it doesn’t look like him. Soooo that part has even less relevance than I originally thought. Got it.) (EDIT from the future beyond the future: @hellswolfie tells me that this actually was Sander, so I am just bad at recognizing people, lol.)

Robbe and Noor take off their masks briefly to kiss. Uhhhh, did the scene really just … cut off there? Because L M A O what a weird choice. We don’t get to see what Robbe creates on the wall, which could be a great way to establish his character, AND we end with him on a smiley, contented note which does not boost his POV at all. It legit just makes him seem like a guy who’s into this girl, and sorry, even if that’s his public persona at this point in time … that’s not what we, the audience should be getting at all. 

Clip 4 - Boy squad morning after

Robbe skateboards to meet up with the guy squad. Again, the directing is far better IMO than in S1.

Robbe got the weed back so that conflict is over, I guess.

He gets a call from his mom and stops laughing with the guys and gets serious. He walks away to take the call. Then he starts to open up to Jens about his mom freaking out, and then Moyo spots some girls so they all ditch Robbe to go chase girls, and WOW, Jens, please turn in your Jonas card. 

Don’t love that we didn’t hear his mom on the phone. There’s no reason not to let us hear what she’s saying since it would be in Robbe’s POV AND as it turns out, they just tell us about the situation with his mom right off the bat, anyway, so it’s not like there’s much point in hiding it. 

This was effective in a sense to establish how girl-crazy his friends are, as well as setting up Robbe’s isolation, which I was worried wouldn’t come across as strongly after meeting Noor. But I think they could have NOT mingled in his mom issues to make this part more effective. Like if the goal was to show more of Robbe being alienated because he’s gay, then that’s not entirely successful, because there are non-gay reasons why Robbe wouldn’t join his pals on the girl chase. I mean, even a horny hetero Robbe might not want to chase girls with his bros because talking to his mom is a downer, so it’s not necessarily because of his sexuality. Plus he just found a girl he liked in Noor, so apparently, he’s not on the prowl. What this part IS communicating that the Belgian guy squad doesn’t have much interest in their friend’s family struggles, which ... ehhhh, maybe not great in the grand scheme of the storyline? These guys can be flawed, for sure, but we do need them to care about Robbe’s well-being. And Robbe tried to open up here, so the flaw is not in him, it’s in his friends. I’m going to let it slide because Jens was offering to help Robbe in the first clip, so it’s not like he’s been a totally insensitive friend this whole time. 

Clip 5 - Phone call from Robbe’s dad

Noor jumps on Robbe and they make out. She shows him the garage and they talk about the tagging world or w/e. Again, not sure why they are portraying Noor as like … a legit love interest. I don’t get much of a sense of discomfort from Robbe. Isak was just not into Emma and was uncomfortable when his bathroom flirting came back to haunt him. And I don’t think it’s TERRIBLE not to follow that route, but you can’t just make this huge change if you don’t account for it in future episodes and Robbe’s overall arc. (EDIT from the future: Which I don’t think they do, otherwise I wouldn’t care.) Every scene should count in furthering Robbe’s character, especially this early in the season where we’re just getting to know his particular struggles. If Robbe is trying to convince himself to like girls, then I want to see definite vulnerability in how that’s portrayed.

I blame the directing/writing more than the acting for the lack of discomfort, since I sensed Robbe’s lack of comfort just fine in the bathtub scene.

Makeouts get interrupted when Robbe’s dad calls. Again, not sure why we aren’t hearing both sides of the conversation? Because we’re in Robbe’s POV. Why wouldn’t we hear them? This seems like they just want to create some suspense or mystery over the situation with his parents. But it’s perfectly possible to do so while still letting us in on the phone calls. In fact, it’s arguably more intriguing to let us listen to some phone calls where we get some vague details but nowhere close to the whole story. It’s not like Robbe’s dad is going to explain the whole situation to his son in an exposition dump. We can get some crumbs to tease us, while still keeping us in Robbe’s POV and not feeling like the show is cutting corners.

Robbe gets mad at his dad and tells Noor he needs to be alone. Closeup on Noor as Robbe walks away. OK … why? Why on her and not Robbe when it’s his POV? Why the focus on Noor’s feelings when we really need to be establishing our protagonist’s mindset in the beginning of this season? I’m not saying her feelings don’t matter, I’m saying that well, this isn’t her story. It would be better to see Robbe’s pained reaction as he leaves.

Clip 6 - Robbe’s dad drama

Jens comes running up while Robbe is being sad. Robbe says that it may be necessary for him to stay with Jens because Robbe’s mom has been committed to a mental health institution and Robbe doesn’t want to stay with his dad. Ah, so I guess we’re hearing that right away. Which honestly makes not hearing his phone calls to his parents even funnier - like you lock us out of his POV arguably for the suspense, but then you end the suspense anyway by just telling us what happened a scene or two later? All right. I guess there’s suspense in that we don’t know exactly what’s up with the mom, mental health-wise, or the root of Robbe’s problems with his dad.

It occurs to me that maybe they just didn’t want to hire people to voice Robbe’s parents? Or put in the time to film both sides of the conversation? I have a hard time believing either of those because it’s so lazy, but. 

I mean, just turn the phone conversations into text conversations if you’re not going to let us listen to Robbe’s parents on the other end.

They go and play football without really resolving the situation. Sad music plays while Robbe joins in. Also, someone was calling Robbe, and I assume it was his dad, but it’s not shown.

These clips are VERY short and choppy so far. You could easily combine the last two, so Robbe is with Jens instead of Noor when he gets the other phone call from his dad, leading into this conversation.

We know immediately about Robbe’s mom’s situation instead of it being a mystery, like with Isak. Which, again, isn’t inherently wrong, but then I want them to DO SOMETHING with it. 

Clip 7 - Jens and Jana

Oh hey, Jana got her braces off! IDK if that happened last season or this one, but it was something I liked, seeing a teenage girl with braces on a teen drama. That rarely happens unless it’s a joke or a plot point.

OK, they really need to film Robbe’s phone so I can actually see who’s calling…

Jens tells Jana about Robbe’s parental situation. I’ll note that first she asks if something’s up with Noor, so news of the Robbe/Noor relationship must have traveled really fast since they’ve only just gotten together. Like Robbe and Noor are clearly dating, going off Jana’s comment, and not just hooking up. Then Belgian Magnus wants to know about hooking up with Amber. Meanwhile Robbe is having a conversation off screen with his dad? Guess it wasn’t important!

And that’s the problem, obviously. It’s his POV season, anything you decide to show SHOULD be important to his storyline. 

Also … it’s fine that we’re focusing on Robbe’s shit home life since that’s relevant to his story, but almost nothing in these clips has set up Robbe’s attraction to men, and only slightly his lack of interest in girls, which was negated by him seeming very interested in a girl afterwards. And knowing how long this season takes to get going with the Even character, it’s a pretty glaring omission.

So we don’t see Robbe’s phone call with his dad, but he gets snappy about it when Jens asks. One of the boys (I can’t tell who) says that Robbe’s on his period.  Gonna be real, I don’t care for this squad so far. 

What was the point of this clip? We already know Robbe is having problems with his dad, which is the most relevant part to the plot here. We shouldn’t be wandering from Robbe’s POV so much, but even taking that into account … we already know Belgian Magnus likes Amber, so that’s not necessary to establish. And we didn’t need to see Jens tell Jana something we already know. I assume he tells her so Zoë can find out and offer a room, but there’s no reason to see Jens tell Jana this, so. Filler clip. 

Clip 8 - Zoë and Robbe at the lockers

Yeah, Zoë offers Robbe a place to stay here, but again, we didn’t need to see the news travel down the Jens-Jana pipeline. It could have been condensed more efficiently.

Robbe doesn’t want to because he says his dad wouldn’t approve. Zoë says she hopes things get better with his mom and Robbe at first snaps and tells her to leave it, then says thanks. This is an actual good interaction, writing-wise, kudos.

I liked Zoë a lot in S1 and I like her here again. I really should watch her season despite my Noorhelm allergy. The scene of them kinda smiling at each other across the hallways reminds me that this is probably the strongest relationship in the whole season, tbh.

Why was this clip so short? So many of these clips could have been combined into one. I mean, Zoë could have said, “I heard from Jana who heard from Jens...” without us needing the previous clip. Although, did Robbe really want anyone else to know about his home life? Lol @ Jens just blabbing Robbe’s private business.

So I guess they didn’t set up the Eskild situation in S2 that would lead to Eskild offering Robbe a place to stay? 

Clip 9 - Robbe gets roommates

Robbe is in Zoë’s room. He sees her “everyone you know is fighting a battle” quote next to the mirror, which is a detail I actually quite like in context with the rest of this storyline and Even’s condition. It’s a good Skam thesis overall.

I guess Zoë met with Robbe’s dad. Zoë calls him a tough cookie. Robbe doesn’t want to speak to him. They bond a little over their parental problems. Again, a nice detail.

Belgian Eskild appears and teases Robbe a little before announcing that Robbe’s dad has agreed to let him stay in the flat. Yay!

Oh, so Senne is staying there, too? At least they didn’t do a pointless Noorhelm breakup in this version.

Milan (the Eskild) tries to go in for a hug and Robbe isn’t cool with it, so at least that’s something with Robbe’s issues with men. (I think? The thing is, Robbe also does not really know Milan, so it’s not as weird that he’s not ready to be affectionate with a near-stranger.)  (EDIT from the future: Keeping the S2 almost-kiss that’s referenced in the next clip in mind, I can rationalize this moment as a continuation of that awkwardness from Robbe’s POV.) 

They chat with Lisa (Linn) who wants to direct Robbe on what he is and isn’t allowed to touch in her room, heh.  Milan and Zoë have cute interaction, and Robbe looks happy. I do like the flatmate vibe so far, they seem fun.

Clip 10 - Robbe and Milan

Senne and Zoë get cute. I haven’t seen S2 so I can’t give my opinion on their version of Noorhelm, but I did think a few things about them were less creepy in wtFOCK’s S1 than in OG. Milan talks about how they’re a Disneylike couple and Robbe laughs.

Then Robbe apologizes for something that evidently happened in S2, where Milan tried to kiss Robbe at a party? Again, I didn’t see the scene. Milan says he’d never try to do that. He offers Robbe a hug, which he accepts - tbh I don’t know if Robbe SHOULD accept based on where he is in his character arc, maybe he should have more skittishness? But it’s a nice character moment, at least. They really have to make up for lost time with the Robbe-Milan relationship, so I can get that they need to establish some closeness fast.

Not being in the wtFOCK fandom, I kinda wonder if there was backlash to that scene from before and this is damage control, LMAO.

I feel like you could’ve tweaked this to be more representative of Robbe’s issues, like have him stress here that he’s not gay, because it’s a sweet scene but again, I don’t feel like this episode built up Robbe’s internal dilemma very well. You could make this not just about smoothing over whatever bump there was in this relationship, but also about setting up some internal tension with Robbe’s sexuality issues. Multi-tasking - it’s great!

EDIT from the future: OK, I tracked down the S2 scene, and yeah, while it illustrates some of Robbe’s internalized homophobia, I really think you needed to carry this through to this clip. Because that was a very public situation, and they made a point of emphasizing onlookers’ reactions. I feel like you need to show that Robbe’s internalized homophobia isn’t just about external reactions, but internal struggles, because ... so far, that’s what it is? Like what is he doing with Noor otherwise? 

Clip 11 - Housewarming party

Party is underway. Yasmina is there and is friendly with Robbe. It sounds like they’re working on a school project together. Aaron (Magnus) and Moyo are talking about hot chicks again.

Noor arrives and the boys tease Robbe about how far he’s gone, Robbe looks pretty chill and happy until Moyo says Robbe’s getting laid tonight and you can see the nerves and reluctance take over. Okay! A character detail that actually works for his arc! Yes!

Partying, makeouts with Noor … sorry but they are wasting a lot of time with this relationship. ROBBE ISN’T INTO HER. Here’s the thing: I don’t want to demonize any of Evak’s female “love interests,” right? It’s pointless anyway because Evak is the endgame pairing, Sonja and Emma aren’t “threats” in the end, but also because they’re not bad people just for wanting to date these two guys who happens to want each other instead. And I think you can do interesting things with Sonja and Emma as characters. I’ve read Sonja fanfic that’s really good!

But when it comes down to it … this is not the story of Robbe/Noor, and there’s a point where it feels like there’s too much development for something that is really intended to be a speed bump in Robbe’s journey. 

I guess it’s a pet peeve of mine when gay stories devote a ton of time to het relationships, to the point where it begins to overshadow the main gay relationship. Love, Victor did this to an absolutely ridiculous degree. (I actually made notes for Love, Victor reactions, but hesitated to post them because 60% consisted of me typing I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE STRAIGHT ROMANCES.) And I GET it, this is an experience many gay kids go through in their coming out journey, but also, less charitably… you don’t need het romance to dominate everything. You don’t need to make this about how a gay person being gay hurts a straight person. I genuinely appreciate that once Isak kisses Even, it’s fucking over with him and Emma, that plot thread is done. 

Anyway, Noor tells Robbe he’s so fucking hot and Robbe looks more uncomfortable, moreso when she wants to see his room and he goes off like he’s headed to Mordor.

Aaron checking out Amber … okay, again with all the het. I don’t care!!! This is not important right now!! 

Noor pushes Robbe onto the bed, ugh please don’t have them Go There.

She takes off her top and Robbe touches her boob like he’s sticking his hand into a porta-potty. We see his discomfort so at least this part is effective and relevant to Robbe’s arc. Noor is taking off her bra when the boys come into the room, wanting the weed. Okay, you dumb fucks, you’re teasing your bro about getting laid and yet you think it’s cool to enter his room when he’s with a girl? I mean, that’s a lucky break for Robbe, but his friends are extra stupid.

The mood is killed, Robbe goes hunting for weed. Episode ends.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Lmao, some of my changes sounded a lot like “be like OG Skam S3.” Because Skam S3 was well-written and made sense. But I tried to think of edits that worked with what wtFOCK was presenting, not just repeating OG.

(I’m also repeating a few things in this section that I said above, btw)

While this episode doesn’t make me angry or anything, it’s got a serious problem with dithering. The first clip is a solid start to the season, but afterwards, so many of these clips feel like filler. There’s a lack of substance to them. It was hard to write about them because they ended up feeling like two minutes of nothing. 

Did we need to see repetitive mentions of Robbe’s troubled relationship with his dad? No, it’s an important plot detail but we could have established that more concisely in fewer clips. Did we need to see the process of how Robbe comes to stay with Zoë, Senne, and Milan? No, not really. Or at least not dragged out over at least three clips. 

I don’t feel like I’m in Robbe’s head to the extent that I should be  so far. Some of this is because the show just flat-out locks us out of his POV, like not showing the phone call in the Jens-Jana clip. But a lot of it is also because of the narrative dawdling. There’s just not as much to analyze unless I bring in Skam season 3 and project what we know about Isak onto Robbe. And that’s not a good way to adapt a story.

The framing of Robbe/Noor needs to change. Combine the bathroom intro with the aborted sex scene - the boys are sitting in the tub, teasing Robbe about getting laid, so he makes out with Noor and they go into a bedroom where he’s clearly not into this, and then Moyo and Aaron come in asking for weed because Robbe still actually has the weed from the bathtub at this point. Or do what Skam France did (can’t believe I’m referring to Skam France) and have the arrival of the cops interrupt the makeout/sex session and Robbe takes his cue to exit.

But frankly, it’s not great to have Robbe acting or looking too cozy with Noor, like this is a legitimate romantic arc except when it gets to the sex. The point is that this isn’t a romance. Even if you want to show some cuddly, non-sexual scenes with Noor, you have to show more of Robbe’s reluctance and fear throughout. 

Show Robbe’s fucking phone conversations with his parents!!!! Good Lord. He’s not ordering a pizza. These are important aspects of his story. Capitalize on that family tension, show us what a bad place Robbe is in at the start of this season. 

Now, about the lack of Even in this episode. Not introducing Even is a bold move, but not necessarily a smart one. Even’s introduction in Skam is not just the intro of “the love interest” - he’s the catalyst for almost everything in Isak’s story. Consider that in episode 1, Isak is seen mostly unhappy and bored - he’s distraught after kissing Emma, he’s checked out of his friends’ lunchtime girl talk, he zones out staring at his teacher’s boobs, he doesn’t want to be at kosegruppa. Isak is actually very passive and just going through the motions, doing what people tell him to do. But once Isak meets Even at kosegruppa - well, that’s when Isak wakes up. In the next few clips, we see Isak taking action. And sure, they’re small actions, searching for Even online, watching the Even video over and over, asking Vilde if there will be more kosegruppa meetings. But we can see that Isak now cares about something, he’s paying attention. Of course, Robbe’s story doesn’t have to follow the same arc. However, it does the season a huge benefit to get him intrigued by something at this point, so we the audience are not just sleepwalking along with him for a few episodes.

There’s also just the simple fact that we have only 10 episodes to establish a love story and make us care about the Even character, and it’s a very risky move to waste too much time. If you are really killing it with the rest of Robbe’s arc, this could still work, but ... well, that’s not what’s happening here.

If they didn’t want to full on introduce the Even directly, one thing they could do is subtly and indirectly find ways to include him in the narrative and create some mystery. Let’s say Robbe sees the Even’s artwork somewhere and is like whoa, that’s cool, and we can tell that it resonates with him. Or he admires Even’s graffiti, or it makes him laugh, whatever. Basically Robbe has some kind of emotional reaction to a thing the Even has created or done, which helps to set up that relationship even before we officially meet the Even.

If we want to add a little more, perhaps Robbe sees a mysterious dude in a mask tagging a wall, but they get interrupted by the cops or something and have some kind of brief but intriguing interaction with each other, and Robbe’s like, who was that guy in the mask? Or Noor takes Robbe to the tagging place, the police/security bust them, Robbe and Noor get separated, and Robbe gets helped out by the Even so he can escape. So it’s an important moment, lots of adrenaline, we can frame it like there’s a sudden ~charge~ between them (ooOOOooo the Even helped Robbe stand up and their hands touched like this was a fanfic, etc.), but he doesn’t learn Even’s name, maybe he doesn’t even see his face because Even has a mask on, so Robbe spends part of the next few episodes trying to figure out who that guy is, casually asking Noor if she knows a guy like that, keeping his eyes open. Maybe we have some fakeouts where Robbe thinks he sees the Even again but it’s just a false alarm. He’s on edge, eager to know more about that mystery guy, and so are we. Bam, we have “awakened” Robbe from his deep sleep. 

If you’ve seen Netflix’s The Get Down, there’s even a scene like this where Jaden Smith’s character gets caught tagging by the cops, he runs and flees with another young dude, and they have a moment where they recognize each other as graffiti artists they admire. While watching that scene for the first time, without any context or spoilers, without even knowing if there would be LGBT content in that show, I immediately thought, “This guy is his love interest.” Not even because it was overtly romantic. Because the way it was written and shot told us that this meeting was important. Because they had an instant connection. Something similar could have worked for Robbe and his Even. But in any case: it would have been best to establish something between those characters, even if it wasn’t an “official” introduction.

Stop focusing on Aaron/Amber when it’s not in Robbe’s POV. Reverse the scene at the beginning with Aaron videotaping and Amber getting spilled on. She gets pissed, he falls in love, and then we follow him upstairs and we meet the boy squad. That is a very obvious, very clean transition that doesn’t interrupt Robbe’s POV as it technically hasn’t started yet. So IDK why they didn’t do that, lmao.

Some changes with the Milan relationship:

Tweak the apology scene to be more representative of Robbe’s issues. Have Robbe apologize while still stressing that he’s not gay. Have Milan be chill and not question that statement, but maybe Robbe is so defensive that it comes across as unconvincing. 

Then have Milan be the one instead of the boys to interrupt the Noor almost-sex scene. Milan wanders in acting drunk, haha Milan, he’s wacky. Robbe doesn’t realize it (though the viewers do if they’re paying attention) but Milan is only pretending and is “subtly” rescuing Robbe because he realizes, based on the earlier scene, that Robbe might be struggling with his sexuality and he wants to give him an escape option. (Although I still think it’s best to combine the not-sex scene into the opening clip, but this could work, too.)

Basic questions we need to be asking, clip to clip: what is the conflict? Where is Robbe’s head right now? Why is this scene necessary? How did this scene come to be - what’s the cause and effect here? How does it advance Robbe’s story? Is it redundant? How do we tell this story in a narratively economical manner? 

[billykaplan666ya]

What is it, to be a hero?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBXXOVOJJpM

Okay soooo Marvel stans, this. I want to talk about the importance of this video. More than the video, the words of Karen and the other characters.  I think that these words are the most important words ever spoken in the MCU and, in general, in the whole Marvel universe. We can think, while listening to this, at almost every single story ever told in the comics and movies. The first the pops in my head is for sure Spider-man, ‘cause even tho I love Billy, the Young Avengers and the X-men, my fave will always be Spidey.  And the reason why I think of him first is because he’s just like us. I never read of any other hero as relatable as Spider-man ‘cause, if you think about it, no matter how hard he tries, he will always have that sadness with him. He had Gwen and lost her in a fight with Goblin; he had a marriage with MJ and lost it to save May when she was shot after Peter revealed his identity; he finally had his own Parker industries and lost that too. But after all of this, he always stood up. There’s a part of Karen’s speech where she says: “because a hero is not someone who lives above us, keeping us safe. A hero is not a god, or an idea. A hero lives on the streets, among us, with us. Always here but rarely recognized”.  This line in particular does make me think about Peter Parker, but it can be  extended to almost every other hero in the Marvel universe. 

But now I want to talk about every single one of my fave sentences from this video.  1) What is it to be a hero? Look in the mirror and you’ll know: this is so fucking powerful. How many times we looked for a hero outside the comics/movies but never found it? And I am not talking about people with a cape or a mask saving us and fighting bad guys, even tho they’re our favorites. I am talking about that someone who could help us escape the everyday life. The one to be ourselves with. The one to be the real us. ‘Cause too many times we’re there with someone who always makes us feel like we’re not enough, not beautiful, not capable of doing something. I always felt this way, especially in my family. I mean, they for sure love me but too many times happened that some comment from them about me teared up my whole day. Especially when I was still in the closet ‘cause I had to listen to all the things they said about gay people and people from the LGBT+ community in general, and it made me always feel so wrong. Until I couldn’t hold it anymore and I had to tell them, so I did it first with my mother and then the others.  But then thanks to a book that we both love, I met the person that now I call my best friend. We met on the internet almost 6 years ago and since then we’ve been inseparable. And she helped me make me realize that sometimes the hero we deserve is in front of us if we look closely in the mirror. 

2) It’s too late for me, but not for you. This is your chance; a chance to earn that look in your daughter’s eyes. To become the hero that she already thinks you are: okay this is, maybe, one of the best quotes of the entire Marvel universe and not only the MCU. I don’t have much to say about this, but I want it to write it down in this post ‘cause it’s just so powerful. The fact that Scott (this line is from Ant-man) did everything for his daughter, to become indeed the hero that she always thought he was, is simply amazing. Especially ‘cause in the comics (and for sure it will be like this even in the movies) she wants to become a hero because of her father Scott, and she became one then and joined the Young Avengers. Is so freaking inspiring. 

3) It’s not about saving our world, it’s about saving theirs: this instead, made me think (especially) of the X-men. How many times they fought for the people that rejected them? How many times they fought but without anyone giving them credit for saving the world, and still they fought. I always think about the fact that the Mutants are the comics counterpart of the LGBT+ community, ‘cause they are feared just because they are different. Even tho I think that we (gay people ecc.) have nothing different from the straight people. I don’t think that the fact that I enjoy sex with people the same gender as me makes me different from a boy who does sex with a girl. But this is just the world we live in, and if you are not like everyone else then you’re an outcast. This about the Mutants can be extended to a lot of different people, like: “you’re not right because your hair are like that”; “you can’t come with us ‘cause you’re black or chinese”; “you can’t go to that bathroom ‘cause is for boys and we don’t care if you feel like a boy, you’re just a freak”; all this stuff I heard my entire life and I am just so tired because I have learned that sometimes the best people are the ones that society tells you to not look at.  So what I love about the mutants, the X-men, is the fact that no matter how many people hates them, they always fight for them. Even tho #cyclopswasright 

4) Look into your own eyes, and tell me you are not heroic. That you have not endured, or suffered, or lost the things you care about most: this can relate to what I was saying in the first dot. But speaking about the characters, this can relate to every single character. Just like Stan Lee always said: “superheroes with super issues”. And it’s true. Spider-man lost his uncle and girlfriend, and a lot of other things too. All the mutants who discovered their power by killing someone accidentally. Cap who lost Bucky only to meet him in the present day as a killer controlled by someone.  Still, every single one of them kept fighting against everything that came their way. Because that’s what a hero does. There’s a line in the Young Avengers saga called The Children’s Crusade that says: “There are no guarantees. There are no happy endings, but you show up anyway. you don’t give up. You never give up. Maybe that’s what it takes to be a hero”. And I think that this, simply, is one of the best descriptions of a hero. 

5) Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside of us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself. It’s the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what’s right: This one if I’m not wrong is from The Amazing Spider-man (the first one) and I think about it almost every day. Maybe the fact that is directly from Peter Parker, for me, makes it more important for me but he’s right. We can always choose what and who we wanna be. And whatever choices we make has an impact in everyone’s life around us, so we must always think about what we do, how we do it and why. I think that this is what it takes to be a decent human being. 

6) He’s my friend.      So was I.  This one just broke my heart again so, well, go on. 

7) Everything that happens now is in your hands: this I wanted to write it down just to talk about Magneto and how an amazing character he is. I love how he wants to do everything to defend his kind, even tho most of the times the methods are not so, ehm, right? But what matters is that in the end he’s always there for Charles, even in the comics. In the comics now he’s not a villain anymore, or at least not like before. He did stand with Cyclops when everyone was against him, ‘cause he knew that it wasn’t him who killed Charles but the Phoenix force. And if Erik, who’s the best friend of Xavier, is with him then why is not everyone else? In the end, eventually everyone forgave him and a lot of people was on the street with signals saying “Cyclops was right” ‘cause even him embraced the same thought that Erik has, that is they will never be accepted the dream of Xavier will always be only that, a dream.  I know that this line from Charles in movie is said to Mystique and not Erik (at least from what i remember) but always makes me think of him. 

8)A hero is not someone who lives above us, keeping us safe. A hero is not a god, or an idea. A hero is here, on the streets. Among us, with us, always here but rarely recognized. Look in the mirror and see yourself for what you truly are: I know that I’ve already write it down before but I want it to end with this. How inspiring this is. With this last one I just want to say that we know nothing about the people we meet in the everyday life. You might see someone walking down the street as normal as you, but he may be one the greatest person in the world. Not everyone, this for sure, but I am sure most are. Once I read a quote that says: “every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always”. This line goes well with the end of Karen’s speech. We just need to learn and try to be kind with everyone, and if this one ends up to be a douchebag then it’s not up to us but only to them. Be kind. 

[nanamicide]

A life of her own - chapter 1

Summary: Junko Enoshima's blackmail attempt on Sakakura Juzo has failed. Love has trumped despair. Mukuro has to watch her sister's plans fail, and learn how to live without her and her orders. Yet, she doesn't have any particular likes or dislikes, or things she wants to do.

Read on AO3

Mukuro had never loved, nor cared about despair. The only thing she loved and cared about was her twin sister, Junko Enoshima. Ever since their parents had died in that tragic accident when they were only three years old, she had made her happiness her only purpose in life. Since the strawberry blonde loved despair, it had only been natural for Mukuro to join the Ultimate Despair and help her create the most awful, most tragic, most despair-inducing event in human history. She’d had to do horrible things to make her sister’s maddest wishes come true – things she would never be able to share with anyone around her – but she had no regrets. The smile on her sister’s face whenever she saw another human being fall into despair was the best reward for her. It made her feel so alive, as if she were doing exactly what her parents would have wanted her to do, were they still in this world.

Despite all of this, and regardless of the happy chatter about despair and despair-inducing plans for the future between Junko-chan and Yukizome-sensei, Mukuro couldn’t help but feel uneasy. There was something about the room they were in that made her feel as though something terrible was going to happen today. It was probably because too many people had been getting involved in their secret plans in the past few weeks – she had always felt uncomfortable around strangers, after all.

First it had been Izuru Kamukura, the Ultimate Hope that was artificially created by the academy. Mukuro had understood why he was important for Junko-chan’s plan, so she’d let her be in touch with him in spite of how dangerous he seemed to be. Then, it had been that frail animator boy, Ryota Mitarai. Even though he seemed completely harmless, Mukuro got the feeling that he may bring about their demise. Unlike her, Junko-chan or Kamukura, he had people who cared about him. It would only be a matter of time until these people would be worried about how her sister had turned him into a terrified mess. In fact, it had only taken two days for that to happen. The Ultimate Nurse, Mikan Tsumiki, had been sent after him to help him with health issues. She didn’t seem dangerous either, but Mukuro had known from the start that people would end up looking for her as well, bringing more attention to their activities.

Once again, she’d been right. Yukizome-sensei, Mitarai-kun and Tsumiki-san’s teacher, had come looking for them. Of course, Junko-chan was delighted with all the attention they were suddenly getting. This gave her more people to brainwash into joining their cause, which in turn, made her feel stronger about what would come next. Mukuro wished she could be as confident as her.

“Ah, Yukizome-san,” Junko-chan beamed. “I have to go take care of one of your friends right now. You know, the one who’s totally not in love with your boyfriend or anything. He’s been sticking his nose in my business recently, and I can’t wait to see his strong, manly features turn to despair when I expose his dirty little secret to everyone in the Parade!”

The gyaru took a few steps towards the door and glanced at her sister. Mukuro turned to her.

“Please make sure none of them do anything stupid, idiot,” she spat at Mukuro, leaving the room and slamming the door behind her.

She’s right, Mukuro smiled to herself, I really am an idiot compared to her.

-

When Junko came back, an extra person had joined them. Mukuro had expected her to be furious and call her useless for not managing to keep him out of the room – she had left for a quick bathroom break when he barged in – but she was ecstatic. This wasn’t enough to help Mukuro with the nervousness she’d been experiencing all day, though. She was still feeling as though something bad was going to happen to them today, and that feeling was only growing bigger with every single passing second. Komaeda-kun’s sudden arrival and attempt to rescue his teacher – who had since then left to try and gather some of her students here and make them fall into despair – and classmates had had a completely different effect on Mukuro than on her sister.

The skinny white-haired teenager was saying something about how Junko-chan’s death would be nothing but a stepping stone for hope, and how he was so lucky to have found their hideout. Mukuro was on edge, keeping close watch of him. She couldn’t tell if he was serious or if he was just some of sort of comically stupid lunatic. It was only when he pulled a gun out of his pocket that Mukuro realized that had meant every single word he’d said. Luckily for her, the gun was jammed and he spent a few minutes trying to fix it. If he tried anything else, Mukuro would have time to disarm him.

He was still talking about how lucky he was when Kamukura appeared. Mukuro couldn’t get used to his sudden popping in and out of the places they stayed in. She was never able to tell how and when he arrived and left, and this made her feel unsafe. She knew that if he suddenly decided to do away with her and her sister, she wouldn’t be able to put much of a fight, and she hated that. She hated that Junko-chan had decided they needed him for her plan, no matter how sensible her reasons were. Kamukura was way too dangerous, and what was happening right in front of her eyes was yet another piece of evidence of the fact.

The slender dark-haired figured had swiftly grabbed the gun from Komaeda-kun’s hands and shot him, telling him that he also had what was called ultimate luck. Mukuro gasped as Komaeda-kun fell onto the floor. She had killed people before, but it’d never been so quick and easy.

“Are you scared, sis?” Junko asked her. “Isn’t seeing someone who’s better than you soooo despair-inducing? If he were better at following orders, you’d be completely useless to me now. Not that I really need you, anyway.”

Mukuro wanted to respond, but she knew it was no use. Instead, she kept her eyes on Komaeda-kun who was still… breathing? She wasn’t sure how it was possible – Kamukura had shot him in the chest, she’d seen it with her own two eyes – but the boy was still alive.

Thank goodness, she thought. Maybe things won’t be so bad today. At least we don’t have an extra and unnecessary death on our hands.

The tension she’d been feeling all day began to drop, and she stretched her arms in front of her. They would be okay – they always were. Even though she was always in charge of the dirty work, at least Junko-chan’s analytical abilities always enabled them to get away with things, no matter how bad the mess they had caused was.

Mukuro’s relief was short-lived, though. A few moments later, two men walked into the room. The soldier had no trouble recognizing them – Munakata-san, the former Ultimate Student Council President, and Sakakura-san, the former Ultimate Boxer, had been Investigating the Ultimate Despair ever since they’d organized their very first killing game.

Wait, Mukuro suddenly realized, her eyes widening as her thought process went on, this means Junko-chan didn’t manage to blackmail Sakakura-san? This means… They know everything. We failed? This is it?

As her brain processed what was happening, Mukuro’s legs started feeling weak. She collapsed on her knees, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. She glanced at her sister, whose expression had turned into that of a madwoman. Despite their now impeding doom, she still seemed happy, as though everything were still going according to her plan. It didn’t take long for Mukuro to understand that Junko-chan was finally feeling the despair she’d been craving for all these years. Failing meant that she was the one who was falling into despair this time. She was finally getting a first-hand taste of despair, and she was loving it.

“Look at that! It’s the Ultimate I Swear I’m Not Gay and his Ultimate Forbidden Love Interest!” Junko-chan sounded more excited than ever. “What will they do once they take care of the big bad guys? Kiss and fall in love? Of course not, that wouldn’t be despair-inducing enough!”

The two men ignored her provocation and walked towards her, ignoring everyone else in the room. It was clear they’d come for her and her only. Mukuro wanted to move and get rid of them, if only to save her sister, but something within her was stopping her from doing so. If she killed even only one of them, she wouldn’t be able to get away with it. It would have caused her sister more despair, but for the first time in her life, Mukuro thought that this wasn’t what she wanted.

She didn’t want what Junko-chan wanted. She didn’t want to kill anymore. She’d never liked despair. Thus, Mukuro stayed there, silent. She waited for everything to be over, unsure if she would be able to watch more of what was happening. Yet, she couldn’t keep her eyes off the scene, as if her brain was forcing her to witness this – as if this would be of help to her in the future.

Yukizome-sensei had come back in the room, telling Munakata-san something about how she was glad he’d found this room.

Why is she lying to him? We just brainwashed her, there’s no way she would turn against us so soon – or any time, for that matter. Why is Junko-chan not warning them? Why is she playing along? Mukuro wasn’t sure she understood any of it anymore. Hope, despair – it didn’t make much sense to her at that point.

Kamukura took a few steps forward and grabbed Junko-chan, immobilizing her. He’s… Betraying Junko-chan. I always knew he was dangerous. Ever since we met him, I thought dealing with him was a bad idea. Why didn’t she listen to me? Why do I have to see this?

“You guys take care of them,” Yukizome-sensei said, referring to Kamukura and Junko-chan. “I’ll protect everyone else.”

Mukuro wanted to scream as the redhead came close to her, but she had no energy to do anything. She had completely given up on everything. The mental strain she’d experienced throughout the day and how she’d been surprised by the turn things had taken had drained her. She didn’t want to do this.

All I’ve ever wanted was to make Junko-chan happy and I’ve failed. I’ve pathetically failed by doing everything she wanted me to do. She looks so much happier now that she’s about to be stopped. I should have known that the only thing that would satisfy her was making her fall into despair. I was so stupid. I’ve failed her, and our parents. But most importantly, I failed myself. I’ve only given myself one duty in life, and I wasn’t even able to fulfill it. Just what type of soldier am I? What am I supposed to do?

Mukuro let Yukizome-sensei help her up and get her out of the room. She had no idea what the academy would decide to do with her, but she didn’t care anymore. It wasn’t like there was anything she really wanted to do, anyway. She had dedicated her entire life to Junko-chan, and had done everything in her power to make sure she would succeed no matter how crazy and farfetched her plans were.

Mukuro didn’t have any wishes of her own. She didn’t have any future to look forward to now that Junko-chan would be arrested. That was why it didn’t matter what would happen to her. It didn’t matter what they would do to her because if her sister wasn’t free, Mukuro wouldn’t have anything to do with herself.

As Yukizome-sensei sat her down in headmaster Kirigiri’s office and explained everything that had happened to them, Mukuro cried. She cried and cried and cried for the first time since her parents died. She had no idea what her tears meant, or why she wasn’t able to stop them, but her vision was blurry and her mind unable to follow the conversation that was happening right in front of her.  

[tfw-no-tennis]

continuted hxh thotz

we watched more so i continue my ramblings 

so we finished the trick tower stuff and started on the stuff on the island where theyre all hunting each other....wow finally some hunting in hunter x hunter 

can i just say....fuck hisoka i hate that guyyyy oh my goddddd hes the worst. i just feel incandescent rage whenever hes on screen vhbjdshfjhbsd smarmy horny clown bitch. looooord. he invokes a similar emotion to part 1 dio tbh....like i lose my domestication when i see both those bitches 

oh god that part where hisoka had just spent like hours de-hornifying himself or w/e and he looks all crusty and dehydrated and then he spots that old guy who looks kinda ghibli and he just goes AFTER ghibli man....like hisoka literally had one of those wack ass super detailed faces and just started screaming and running at that guy...like man i wouldve died instantly on the spot. jesus 

gon remains best best perfect baby boy. every time he does something so cute and pure that my heart starts palpating, i get even more nervous for the shit hes gonna go thru someday 

gon and killua are literally soooo precious theyre just two lil boys!!! two lads!!! lad boys! augh i love how much theyre vibing all the time...like on the boat to the island when theyre like refusing to tell each other who their target is and then they both start laughing and then show each other....so precious

honestly im really enjoying how they dont really have a rivalry (yet?) - theyre not like ‘yes we are friends but we’re also COMPETING! so we cant be That nice to each other bc that wouldnt be fair! or w/e you know that typical shounen stuff. i only enjoy that sometimes and im glad its not a thing rn, and if it does become like that later i probs wont mind bc i feel like itd be done well 

so ruth and i caught on to the fact that that weird guy with the pins stuck all over himself was illuminati or w/e his name is (illumi? illumini? i forget already) but HOLY FUCK we both thought he was wearing a mask....god i wish that were the case, that face transformation shit was the WORST. sir why can you do that 

also when hisoka just watched this and was like ‘i always like seeing you do that’ or whatever god gross nasty i hate them

my take on the little we’ve seen of hisoka and illumitations relationship: theyre like the catty mean girls-types but Super Fucking Weird. idk if theyre gay togther (probably) but theyd be the epitome of a ‘is this allowed? [gestures at All That]’ couple. i had more thoughts on them but i forgt 

i find it funny that they havent shown killua like at all during this island hunting thing hvbhsdhfbjdk he probably has like 10 randos badges already. i feel like he would give gon a badge or 2 if gon needed them but that doesnt seem to be the case 

when hisoka spotted leorio and kurapika and went after them i was like [guy yelling NOOOOOOOOOOO meme] freal 

thank goodness kurapika could recognize that they would Fucking Die trying to fight hisoka, and bargained w/him instead. also seeing the flashback of leorio trying to fight hisoka was so funny. my man WHAT! were you thinking 

this is probably the stage that tonpa is getting out on and can i just say thank god i hate that guy. good riddance 

that sniper lady looked cool and im bummed illuminty took her out offscreen :( i also thought the black guy with the beehive stick thing was gonna do more but guess not

i find it funny that so many characters have these loud character designs but end up not having a lot of screentime...i feel like ive been conditioned by one piece to see an eye-catching character and mentally prepare to see a wholeass backstory lol

also. illunikn is clearly a huge freak which is probably why hisoka is willing to work w/him, but his design is weirdly cute sometimes (when hes not doing absolutely freaky shit, which....admittedly isnt often)

like the part where he transforms into his True Cat Man Form and then, without changing expression, digs a giant hole with his bare hands (with the body language of a feral person) and then gets into it to nap.....like.....bro. 

also ik illiminini is killuas brother (i think brother?) and wow that family has some strong Cat genes 

i find it interesting that hisoka has been working with illiimini this whole time, hisoka strikes me as a solo type of guy who would be all like ‘teamwork is beneath me’ and only have minions (a la dio, espec p1 dio) but he seems to have a fairly even relationship w/illuimian which is wild. i rlly wonder if thatll last or if hisoka is gonna like, murder/abandon ilubimi later bc he ‘gets in hisokas way’ or st 

i like that kurapika and leorio teamed up....married

i generally really like how the relationships between the main characters are handled, its sweet how theyre just like....generally nice to each other and stuff lol 

also oh my god i forgot that last time i hadnt seen the end of trick tower i need to talk abt that 

KILLUA MY BOY OH MY GOD....ive been waiting for this ngl. ily smug murderous catboy

i love so much how killua casually kills this ~*~scary guy~*~ and everyones like :0 but gon is just like yep thats killua! hes from a family of assassins! like the way he says it so casually and kinda cheery aw i love him. he doesnt even care that killua can murder people in 2 seconds flat, he thinks killua is AWESOME 

and oh my god i love how hard killua is trying like, all the time. he is trying his HARDEST to be AS COOL AS POSSIBLE for gon and thats adorable. its working too gon clearly thinks killua is SUPER cool 

the eternally hilarious part where kurapika asked what killuas secret tactic are re: ripping that guys heart out, and killua is just like ‘uh i just ripped it out. yknow...as one does..’ and kurapika is like wow im glad this murder catboy is on our side.. 

the psychology stuff in the trick tower was interesting as hell (catch me brushing off my psych minor like, oh yeah i know abt this stuff lol)...i like the stuff abt leorio getting discouraged/disgruntled when the majority ended up being against him a lot bc thats true!! thats how it works!! it leads to learned helplessness and stuff like that...also that animation of kurapika and leorio playing cards to explain the tough candle choice was sooo cute 

i really loved the solution to the final majority rule things....ingeniously following the rules while still managing to circumvent them in ways...love it

also gon is so perfect have i mentioned that already

im so curious whos gonna pass the hunter exam, i legit have no idea and i would find it so funny if gon becomes a hunter in the first goddamn arc hjhbdfhsdjbgk as ruth said, itd kinda be like luffy becoming pirate king in like chapter 70

i mean tbf if i had to guess id say gon passes, simply bc i cant see the story taking the time to have him do the hunter exam again in a year. also his motivation is to become a hunter in order to see what its all about bc of his dad - not JUST to become a hunter 

gons fishing rod is so cute. perfect item for a perfect boy 

his training was adorable. hes a smart lad! formidable baby 

the blooderflies were so cool and OH MY GOD how could i forget the part where gon had two blooderflies with little leashes on and had the leashes tied to one of his fingers....OOOUGHHHHGBSJFHSJBFUHEJKSDD bro my heart literally palpated like it does when my cat does something rlly cute, gon is seriously That cute and pure and good

every time hisoka is anywhere near gon i just wanna call the FBI on that clowns ass oh y god. pls leave ladboy alone....

anyways i love the main characters (HISOKA DONT INTERACT) and i cant wait to see what happens next. i might have more thoughts but coherency is not one of my strengths so bye

[ruffiorocks]

Winn and how he is underrated but a true hero! Not all heroes wear capes! 

Soooo moving away from my negativity for a while 😅. (well almost!) I began to realize that Winn is such an underrated character.

We spend all our time usually talking about Kara and Lena, or Kara and Mon El. But not many people talk about Winn.

Let's take a look:

Winn was there from the very first episode. He's basically everything you expect James Olsen to be but better!

Kara instantly trusted Winn and told him her secret. He must have already proved to be an amazing best friend for her to trust him with that!

Winn thought Kara was coming out as gay to him, (now ignoring the fact he said that must be why she wasn't into her 😑) he was like 'that's great news!'

Winn immediately started to help Kara get started with becoming a hero.

Winn has mad sewing skills and started to make Kara different costumes. (Even if the first one was a little provocative, don't tell me you weren't looking at Kara's abs like Winn was! )

Winn found a way to listen to police scanners and even helped Kara start out with small car chases.

Winn set up an unused room at CatCo so the Superfriends had somewhere to do their super stuff. 

Winn hacked the DEO serves to help Alex find out what happened to her father, even though he wasn't thrilled about it and the consequences it could have. 

During the earthquake in season 1 and Kara lost her powers, Winn managed to get the CatCo servers up and running and managed to get Cat on a live feed to give people hope. 

Winn saw how close Kara and James remained even though Lucy was back. He did have a go at Kara, which wasn't cool. But he was right in how she shouldn't have still been acting so close with James, and vice verser. 

Winn was able to disable Indigo with a virus while she was chocking him!

Winn did all the technical sleuthing that the others couldn't. Discovering things about Maxwell, when Cats emails were released etc. 

Even though Siobhan was a bitch, Winn still tried to comfort her after she was fired. He even stood by her and took her to the DEO to find out more about her powers. Even when she became Silver Banshee he didn't stop trying to convince her to stop or offering his support.

Winn did act butt hurt when Kara rejected him, but he got over it really quickly and made up with her and he moved on like a grown up. 

When Barry turned up, Winn was so excited to learn about the Multi Verse and help him get home. Unlike a certain someone who was jealous, oh and Winn instantly saw that jealousy. 

Winn put himself between Sliver Banshee and Cat when she came to get her from Cat Co. 

Alex asked Winn to come and help at the DEO, he proved himself and was formally invited to join. 

Winn made Kara and Clark Anti Kryptonite shields for their suits. 

Mon El did manage to convince Winn to leave the DEO against Jonn’s orders, but Winn was a good friend to Mon El, one he defiantly needed! Even if he did teach Mon El a few phrases that led Mon El to call Kara’s mum a babe! Mon El needed another friend who wasn't Kara trying to tell him how to live his life!

Winn found out that James was being a vigilante, instead of telling on him, Winn confronted him at CatCo. After hearing James’ lame excuse about needing to be a hero, Winn  initially reused to have anything to do with it because James would just get himself killed. Unfortunately, because ‘reasons’ Winn changed his mind. 

Winn and Lena always worked really well together. 

Winn refused to take any s**t from an over demanding James and gave him a right talking to! 

James wasn’t capable of fighting crime without Winn as the ‘man in the van’. 

Winn didnt want to hide the fact that he and James were fighting crime from Kara, but James told him they should because she would stop them. 

When Guardian was framed for murder, Winn said they should stop! But James said they shouldn't. 

Winn really is talked out of doing the right thing by James and his peer pressure. That is until he finally caved and told Alex. Even though she threatened him, that was probably an immense relief that someone responsible and with actual credibility now knew what these two fools (yes Winn to) were up to. 

When James let a criminal get away from him, Winn, even though he had no suit or protection jumped out of the van to stop him! This was both brave and stupid. But this here is the mark of a true hero, albeit a foolish one. Winn was severely traumatized, something James didnt really acknowledge. Later Winn had to go to another planet to help rescue Kara and Mon El. He was TERRIFIED and he told Alex why but he had his orders and went anyway! He even managed to win a fight and get the portal working while scared to death. This right here is true heroism! 

Winn  wanted to tell Kara, he kept getting more and more traumatized but James still said no. Winn, even though he was stressing the f**k out with all the pressure still didnt betray his friends trust. 

Kara recognized that Winn was a hero long before he started to be ‘the man in the van’. She even told him this when she learned hat he and James had been doing.

Winn was able to keep up with Brainy and even figure things out that he couldn't. 

Winn was the one who figured out the footage of Lena with Kryptonite was in fact doctored footage. Even though he was initially convinced there was nothing wrong with it (regrettably so) he still kept working on it at Kara’s request. 

Winn taught himself to read Kryptonian because he was bored! 

Winn managed to fix Mon El’s suit when he came back from the future. 

Winn has no issue in showing his obvious crush on Superman. 

Winn is a fab singer! 

Winn has absolutely no issue with women saving him. Kara, Alex and Lyra. 

Winn had no issue dating an alien who didnt look altogether human. 

Winn made Alex a suit (without her having to ask or demand i might add!) because he thought it was unfair that Kara and Jonn could do things Alex couldn't and he wanted her to be safe and have a better fighting chance!

Winn is damaged and had an awful home life, but he managed to find a new family. He has a papa bear, two sisters and a brother now. 

Alex Danvers was so heartbroken Winn was leaving that she burst into tears! 

Winn was so smart and had such a rep in the future that he was asked to join the Legion and go to the future.

There is probably loads more i could add but i think this sums it all up. Winn is under appreciated. He is the one who does basically all the tech work, comes up with the weapons and the suits and figures out most of the mysteries that need to be unraveled. 

Without Winn, Kara would have been lost and screwed. The DEO would ave taken much longer to figure things out. James would never have been able o become Guardian (oh no what a shame ) Cat Co would never have been able to get up and running to give people hope. Oh and in the future Winn is curing fatal epidemics. 

Winn helps save the world, helps keep the DEO agents and Kara,oh and James safe, and he does all of this while wearing a shirt, tie and a cardigan! No cape or super suit for Winn! You dont need those things to be a be a hero. Playing to your strengths, using what you have, that is what makes a hero. Winn doesn't even push to join the DEO, he’s invited. He has a messed up family background, but he manages to find himself a new family he would protect till the end. He is severely traumatized but he still goes and does the on thing that scares him the most so he can save Kara and Mon El. 

Winn is probably the most selfless character on the show (accept brainy). Nothing he does is to grandiose himself, or put himself in the spot light. He doesn't feel he has the right to put on a cape and act like a prat because everyone else around him is. He supports his friends, even if what they are doing is stupid, but he has the sense to tell them its stupid. He even went the extra mile to support  his girlfriend up until the point she became bad, but even then he kept trying. Winn had no way to fight Silver banshee or Livewire, but he still placed himself in front of Cat to protect her. Winn was the sensible friend who pointed out that flirting with someone who has a girlfriend, or being the flirt with the girlfriend was a bad thing to do!  He uses his free time to create new devices and suits to keep all of his friends and the world safe from harm. He does all of this without asking for anything, other than if the DEO has a dental plan!! 

Winn is a true hero!! 

[problemsofabooknerd]

My Favorite Movies/Shows/Webseries with LGBTQIA+ Main Characters

Pride Day 13!

Check out the intro to my Pride project here.

I thought today we would take a break from books - and from personal stories - to talk a bit more about other queer media I enjoy. Sometimes I’m not in the mood to read, but I still want to get the chance to see stories about wonderful LGBTQIA+ humans. So, here we go, a personal recommendations list of movies/tv shows/webseries that I adore that feature LGBTQIA+ main characters. 

Movies

♡ Love, Simon

I mean, this is an obvious one. I adore the book, Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, but I have a little more love for the movie itself. I’m also currently on a high because I just rewatched it on my plane and I will never NOT be emotional. In case you don’t know, Love, Simon is a rom com about a high schooler named Simon who ends up being pen pals with another closeted gay kid at his school. It’s overwhelming, and Jennifer Garner never fails to bring me to sobs. 

♡ The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love

It’s super sad to me that this movie doesn’t get passed around as often on recommendations lists, but I think that is possibly due to the fact that it can be a little harder to find. However! If you are desperately searching for a f/f movie comparable to Love, Simon, this is about as close as I can get you. It’s full of antics (sometimes SUPER over the top), romance (between a super butch white girl and a super femme black girl), and a whole heap of other fabulousness. 

♡ Life Partners

A recently discovered one for me that I think deserves a bit more hype! This is a comedy about two best friends - one lesbian, one straight - as they fall in and out of love, struggle to figure out their careers, and generally navigate adulthood as BFFs. This is one of those movies where I’m honestly super pissed we don’t have more like it - it’s a movie about complex relationships between women that also features a shit ton of lesbian culture. Pride events! Gay bars! How many lesbians can you fit inside a Subaru! It’s all fabulous. 

♡ But I’m a Cheerleader

A true classic. I remember my girlfriend showing me this back when I still insisted I was straight, but lord oh lord did it make an impact. It’s always hard to recommend queer stories set in conversion camps (take one of my favorite books, The Miseducation of Cameron Post, for example), but I think this is one of the few that still manages to be engaging and really fun. Plus, Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall are honestly staples of queer media for me.

♡ Battle of the Sexes

‘Sup, super gay Emma Stone -  you truly make my dreams come true. To be honest, the fact that this is a based-on-a-true-story, gay, sports movie is just so perfectly me in terms of movie taste I will never be over it. Everyone does a remarkable job, but this is especially phenomenal in terms of how deeply gay it is and I love it to bits.

♡ The Runaways

Yet again, my deep and abiding love for movies based on true events appears. This is the movie that made me realize that a) Kristen Stewart is seriously a good actress and b) I’m super in love with her. This one is about The Runaways, the all-girl rock band Cherie Currie and Joan Jett were both a part of. It features scenes of KStew and Dakota Fanning making out so prepare your gay heart, lest ye be overwhelmed.

♡ Brokeback Mountain

Of course we end the list of movies here. I spent so much of my life believing the hype surrounding this movie - that it was just that sad cowboy movie and nothing more. And then I watched it and finally had to recognize just how poorly people had been talking about what an incredible film this is. I mean, yes. Sad cowboys! They are there! But the emotional depth and honest passion that is portrayed in this movie breaks my heart every single time. It’s just utterly beautiful. 

Obviously this list isn’t comprehensive and there are so many more on my to-watch list. For example, I somehow haven’t seen Moonlight yet, and that feels like a travesty. I also really need to get to Pariah and Tangerine. 

TV Shows

♡ Black Mirror - San Junipero

In case you don’t already know, Black Mirror is an science fiction anthology show, and every episode can be watched without the context of any of the other episodes. Which makes “San Junipero” just about perfect. It’s one of the only happy episodes of the whole show, and it gives me the most pure, joyful sapphic 80s vibes. I would kill for a full movie based on this episode. I would watch a million hours of sapphic ladies jamming to 80s music. Give it all to me.

♡ Sense8

I recently talked a bit about Sense8 in my post about what Pride means to me, because I think I always tie this show into my feelings on this month. In premise, it’s about 8 strangers around the world who form a psychic connection with one another. More than that, though, it’s about the things that make us different, and how those differences also emphasize our similarity and the power in solidarity. It’s a beautiful story about found family, and it just barely got its finale episode on Netflix that I’m dying to watch but haven’t yet because I’m honestly not feeling emotionally ready enough to handle it. 

♡ Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wow, this show. Wowww, this show. This is a pretty standard sitcom, about a group of lovable misfits who all work together. It’s set in a police precinct in Brooklyn, and initially feels like it centers on detective Jake Peralta, but the show quickly figured out that it had stars in every member of the cast. Two of my faves are Captain Raymond Holt and Detective Rosa Diaz, both queer POC that blow me away constantly. Holt is a black, gay detective who spent years fighting prejudice to make it through the ranks and be the stern-yet-lovable Captain of the squad. Rosa is a badass, bike riding, keep-your-nose-out-of-my-business bisexual Latina who owns my whole heart. It’s a show that does queer rep right, and a show that constantly reminds me to be happy even when it seems a little impossible for me to do that.

♡ American Horror Story

It’s bizarre to me how a horror anthology show still has some of the most consistent queer rep of any television show I watch. Now, this show absolutely has its problems still. Because it is a horror show, many queer characters get killed off. And my favorite season, Hotel, features a trans woman character who is played by a cis male actor. So, my warning is always to go in knowing the faults in the show. BUT this is still a show that consistently represents a variety of sexualities played by a variety of characters and actors, and I just appreciate it so deeply for normalizing that kind of rep over and over again. And I think I also want to give Ryan Murphy some credit in growing, considering the incredible work he is doing with Pose, hiring so many trans actors, writers, and directors to accurately shape that show.

There are of course other shows doing a good job with LGBTQIA+ rep, even if they don’t feature characters in leading roles. Shows like Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Schitt’s Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Magicians are all ones I adore that feature queer peeps who own my whole heart. And there are tons more out there I would love to watch like The Bold Type, Black Lightning, One Day at a Time, Wynonna Earp, and Killing Eve!

Webseries

♡ Carmilla

Lesbian vampire! Spooky school! Soft journalist lesbian! Nonbinary side character! Queer kids everywhere dealing with the end of the world and the absurdly bizarre reality of their university! If you haven’t watched Carmilla yet, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s a shame, and you must come and join us all in the better timeline where you’ve seen the show and can also gush with us. 

♡ Her Story

This is a super short webseries, but one I would love to have more of. It is an honest, sweet depiction of the lives of two trans women living in Los Angeles, California. They deal with relationship issues, friendship, gatekeeping, loving women, loving men, and more. It’s an excellently done series, and Jen Richards is a remarkable actress and creative force, and I cannot wait to see what else she plans to do.

♡ Chosen Family

A webseries that is not fictional! Tyler Okaley is a name you probably know by now, if you’re part of the queer internet scene. He has been doing work for years in uplifting the LGBTQIA+ community, raising awareness, raising money, and a whole lot more. Chosen Family started last year, and I loved keeping up with it all through Pride, and this year we get even more episodes. Whether he is talking about queer people through history, queer immigrants, the beginnings of Pride, or even just talking to other queer creators, it is a series that celebrates this community in so many different ways and I love the work it does and how uplifted it makes me feel. 

Alright, that’s where I’m going to wrap up this list for now. I thought about also adding queer music videos to this list but it would double in size if I did that soooo perhaps another day. What are some of your favorite movies/shows/webseries that feature LGBTQIA+ main characters? Send me a message and let me know! 

[pastelopossum]

OP has a lot to say about transwomen that isn’t so nice, so let’s try this again!

HOMOPHOBES INCLUDE:

Ben, who emphasizes when asking “How do you view lesbian and gay relationships” in That Tone TM. He calls things gay if they’re too colorful, and as a put down.

Breanna, who ships and fetishized her cute gay #itscalledyaoi ships but won’t be friends with lesbians because she’s afraid they’ll hit on her. She wants a Token #GayBestFriend like “cool” girls in tv shows.

Marissa, who will kiss girls when she feels lonely to make her boyfriend pay attention to her because “it’s sexy”.

Josh, who thinks lesbians are “hot” in porn but doesn’t actually think they’re real or should have rights or get married; actually no woman should have rights so he gets a misogynistic award too!

Bethany, who drinks in lesbian bars and makes advances on couples to film when she gets a threesome and sends it to her boyfriend. She also likes to send nude snapchats of herself to the other lesbians and bisexuals from work to prove she’s sexy. She doesn’t use labels like “single” or “taken” or “straight” or “gay” so no one else should when it’s convenient for her self esteem issues.

Christopher says lesbians are just girls who don’t think they’re worthy of a guy and just need to work on their issues because they’ll find a good man when they “stop acting so gay”. He likes to stalk his first dates for a few weeks before he decides they “aren’t worth the trouble” and hovers over the next girl.

Michelles step-daughter came out before she went off to college and insists she only stop by for short visits on the holidays so the rest of her conservative family doesn’t find out yet. Down the line when they do, she’ll say nothing when her family members are rude to her step-daughters girlfriend and calls it “a scene” when her husband defends his daughter. When her son comes out a year later, she’ll break into tears and do everything in her power to prevent him from seeing his boyfriend.

David thinks domestic partnership and “straight marriage” are the same. As an EMT he has refused boyfriends/girlfriends to ride in the ambulance because they’re not really family. Gay marriage is against god.

James calls his son a lady killer at the ripe age of two months. He says he’s not a homophobe because “I have family who’s gay”. He just “doesn’t understand it” and never wants to talk about it. “It’s kind of gross when you really think about it.” He says “no homo” a lot.

Lisa has tattoos of bible quotes against sins and sinners. They’re on her Facebook and Instagram. Being gay is against god. She’s on her third marriage - the first two fell apart because she cheated; but it’s okay because she wound up marrying the guy she cheated with. She tells her church to pray for her gay brother.

Selina had gay friends in high school. She was an “ally” in a LGBT group in high school that was 90% straight, cis, white boys and girls. She thinks she knows everything there is to be gay, bi, and trans because she’s had friends of each and has helped stood up for them in school. She also voted republican, and refuses to talk to her family because her brother is trans and her mother who has been single for 20 years has realized she’s gay. She won’t talk to any of her former high school “friends” because she “is tired of the drama, they said I was a bad friend” because she never actually went to any events or helped stand up for them. She admits later she knows it looks good on her college application and believes “everyone’s soooo obsessed with diversity”.

Karen found out one of her daughters friends is gay and anytime she came over, she would send her home early from parties and sleepovers and lie to her parents about her misbehavior and rudeness so she would supposedly get in trouble. She has bible quotes on her daughters wall and crosses everywhere.

Franks daughter has been struggling with money and has moved back in, but when she can’t hide her secret anymore because it makes her feel guilty and she comes out to him, she’s kicked out and isn’t able to talk to him about anything; their relationship down the line is never the same.

Justin says he doesn’t hate gays, but anytime one of his friends does anything not manly enough he’ll throw “fag” at them. Tranny isn’t a slur, nor is pussyboy; and only gay guys show any form of emotion.

Charlie refuses to call one of his childhood friends by their new name and pronouns because they haven’t “really transistioned”. You can’t really be trans* if you don’t change your voice, bind, and have an operation.

Dillan supposedly is a good alley. In one of his friend groups he and his best friend are the only two straight people. He also thinks pride is a bit ridiculous, gays being able to get married now is totally equal to the “straight marriage” despite what his friends say, and doesn’t fully recognize different sexualities of the couples because “does it matter if she’s bi if she’s dating a guy?” And “does it matter if you’re pan if you’re dating another girl”? He also believes lesbians will always be virgins because “real sex is a penis penetrating a vagina”.

Danny refuses to recognize any non-straight non-cis characters in tv shows or in rpg games with his friends. When he stopped being invited , he argued he was totally okay with “all that gay agenda stuff” but didn’t understand why it needed to be talked about all the time or why his friends wanted to play gay or trans characters.

Melissa wants to upset her parents, so when she finds out the person she’s been flirting back and forth with is “not just a lesbian, but a trans guy too!” they start to date so her parents can be disappointed in the fact the “boyfriend” she’s talked about is “really a girl” and panic when they find out. When they break up, she sends her friends to send equally hateful transphobic, biphobic, and homophobic slurs via voicemail and text message.

[aliasvaughn]

Soooo...

1. This interview is from OVER TWO MONTHS AGO and it was released now. (Allure). Caleb is ONE YEAR old now even going by FAKE birth dates (yes, Caleb’s public birth date is NOT his actual birth date, that’s how far the deception goes). The interview says 9 months, he can’t be 9 months by any stretch of imagination, except the interview was done in August, in a setting the usual people who still haven’t learnt the lesson thought was about “OH VERMONT!” and NOPE: it was just an Allure interview. 2. You read that right, A STEP DAUGHTER. Just LOL. And this interview was in AUGUST... (august 5). The Nnobody said out loud “I have three children!” AFTER she did this interview. SOOOO, it appears we have Kerry setting up a deliberate change of narrative. Naturally, this was most likely added in AFTER the Nnobody made that “three children” comment, so after the interview was done, which is no problem whatsoever seen as it happened freaking two and a half moths ago, PLENTY of time to do edits.  Aaanywway, there are a couple of possibilities why, and mind you this is about a child whose age in the article is undisclosed bc she is ONE year older than Isabelle (oh yeah, can you do some math? That means at best the Nnobody CHEATED ON KERRY. Except of course they were NEVER a couple, so...).

The possibilities are A) simply desperately trying to cover up for him telling the truth as HE DOES have three children, NONE OF WHICH are Kerry’s. AND YES, STILL GAY. Just fulfilling FAMILY requests to deny his “gayness” publicly. All from baby mamas THAT HE ABANDONED, and said mamas had to force DNA tests upon him for him to NOT be able to get away with not paying child support (and in one case there’s litigation involved). Two daughters and a son. For one daughter who is NOWHERE NEAR Isabelle’s age as she is MUCH older (should be 11 or 12 now if I remember correctly) we have photos, name, everything. B) Other possibility is the baby mama of THIS particular child, that apparently Kerry took TO SET and introduced as her step daughter, was about to make a LOT of noise. Because the child is one year older than Isabelle, you can see why said noise would be VERY unwelcome as it would AT BEST show cheating. Hence why let’s strike a deal and keep it quiet. We will acknowledge the child and keep everything else quiet.

3. The amount of lies and INCOMPETENCE involved here is staggering. Any self-respecting PR team would take care of this by simply saying “Kerry is also a step mother”. BECAUSE SHE IS, to TONY’s TWO DAUGHTERS. That way, you cover up the truth told by the Nnobody that has NOTHING to do with Kerry but you DO NOT flat-out LIE. Instead, let’s just LIE. 4. In ANY case this YET AGAIN proves ME and others right, because at the VERY least now all of a sudden there’s a recognized child out of wedlock that was NEVER mentioned before by EITHER, that shows how the Nnobody DID IN FACT do as we said. Get women pregnant and abandon them AND the children. Now after four years of this farce we suddenly acknowledge one? LMAO! Let it be clear, he as NEVER a father to ANY of those children ,was NEVER in their lives as in EVER, and begged people for money as he had to pay for his children and EVERYONE who knows the Nnobody, knows this. And I mean ACTUALLY knows him, like you know, his friends who regularly hang out with him from whom I (and others) KNOW about this. Just like they know and we know about the fact he is gay. Getting women pregnant because of his homophobic family? Changes NOTHING about his actual orientation. So... Let’ all laugh at the usual FOOLS who will buy these lies hook, line and sinker without EVER recognizing that of course we were always right and they were wrong. Remind you of someone whose initials are DT? Yeah, same denial for truth.

[thecupcakeconsumer]

Playing Ball pt. 5 - Defection and Resurrection

A/N: Soooo, I said this would be out last night – that was before I knew debates would run an hour late and the ignorant cishet on the team would irritate me to all ends. But here it is!

Part One |  Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five (You are here!)

Navigation: Masterlist is here.

Taglist: @writers-block0o0, @imaginesbyemma.

Summary: After the short stop's gone, the team seems to thrive – all but one member, that is.

Warnings: Them feels, gay, mild language, gay, butt smacking, gay, and did I mention there's a bit of gay in here?

Word Count: 2,688.

Other Notes: Female reader. Post-Terminal, pre-Spike.

Team captain Y/N Claybourne had a nice ring to it, that you'd admit.

But the way in which it was getting you unwanted attention that you hadn't experienced since Chance checked himself into a mental hospital? Not as nice a ring.

Apparently, it came with the same social status as the previous captain's had, considering you were the reason for her being kicked off the team – something she had taken by whipping off her jersey and throwing it at the coach before storming off the pitch in a sports bra.

Despite it all, you felt a little bit bad – no matter how many people she had been responsible for having kicked off the team, nobody deserved to be a social outcast among the students with more money than sense of Bolton Prep.

Not to mention how you'd found Sarah the other day.

“I'm… fine, Claybourne.”

You narrowed your eyes down at her. “You're the ground outside the pitch holding – is that the jersey that Lee-?”

“What? No, of course not!” she responded, awkwardly shoving it behind her back and making it almost too obvious.

“Are… are you crying?” you asked awkwardly.

“If I was crying, I'd be crying tears of pain at seeing your face.”

In spite of her attitude, you crouched by her, putting a hand on her leg. “Mind sharing?”

“I don't want to talk about this, especially not with you-” Sarah tried to get up but your grip only tightened.

“Why did you like her?”

“Oh, don't pretend I was in love with the bitch for any rational reason,” she retorted, before sobering. “I guess I'm even more pathetic than that.”

“It doesn't make you pathetic.”

She glared. “What makes someone pathetic? Because news flash, Claybourne – if I found anyone crying over their unrequited love who hurt so many people, I'd tell them to get up and stop being pathetic.”

Sarah looked up at the sky, falling back and lying now on the grass, taking long brown hair out of the hair tie that had held it up in a fluid motion and letting it splay around her head.

“You wouldn't know what it's like. You've crushed on, what, one actually decent guy ever, and now you've been dating him for years.”

“Sarah, I-”

“Fuck off, Claybourne.”

Shaking your head to clear it of your thoughts, you grabbed your bag, glancing around to see if Chance was nearby before throwing it down the stairs and sliding down the banister after it.

(There were, most definitely, perks to living in such a large mansion).

When you got to the bottom, he was holding your bag with a disapproving look.

“You're going to break your neck.”

“In my defense, I didn't think you would catch me.”

“Not the right answer.”

“Um… I didn't break my neck?”

“Get in the car, Y/N.”

“Yes, sir.”

He followed you out the door, locking it behind him, before putting the keys in the ignition and asking conversationally, “You still suspended?”

“No, not anymore,” you answered, shaking your head with a slight smile as you realized that Chance didn't know about your recent promotion yet.

“Oh, really?” he asked, turning out of the driveway. “Did he lift it early, then? Or was there another game I didn't know about?”

“Well, the new team captain got her suspension lifted after the old one was kicked off the team,” you answered, smirking as he slammed the brakes at a stop sign he'd almost missed.

Breathing heavily, Chance asked, “You're team captain? Since when?”

“Oh, I don't know, two, three days ago? When I made a case against Delilah and the coach finally saw reason?”

“And you didn't tell me?”

“Must've slipped my mind.”

Your brother nodded slowly, before reaching into his bag and pulling out an envelope. “This came for you yesterday, by the way.”

You took the offered letter as he parked the car in front of the school, staring at the handwriting that, though you'd so rarely seen it, you'd recognize anywhere.

Opening the door and getting out with your bag, you ripped it open and took out one of the sheets, folded in three, feeling a tidal wave seem to rise in you as your emotions struggled to get the better of you.

Y/N,

Captain of the softball team even though I never saw you with a glove in your hand. If it's not from the Claybourne side, perhaps it's from your mothers – both the athleticism and your determination to succeed. She always was a driven one.

I've never been so glad that you have the Claybourne name.

He hadn't signed it, perhaps because signing it off with his name made him seem so distant and yet the two of you were never close enough that he would have felt comfortable referring to himself as your father… and yet, even if he'd never been your father, not really, you'd always wanted him to notice you.

It was always Chance this, Chance that, the eldest son capturing your father's attention.

Now, you were receiving the same affection and you didn't know how to deal with it.

The words blurred together as tears came to your eyes.

You'd done it.

You'd finally made him proud.

So why didn't it feel better?

Because Chance pushed you to it, you realized. Even when you could finally make him proud, it was always him behind the scenes.

When would you make a choice, alone, that he might be willing to put the Claybourne name on?

As your emotions overwhelmed you, you felt the switch inside of you flip.

Great. Flaring in public. This is a great day.

“Y/N!” called out Ben, falling into step beside you, black t-shirt and jeans making him stand out amongst the uniforms that the students were wearing.

“Ben? What're you doing here? Did you forget you'd graduated?”

He shook his head, before scrutinizing you more closely. “Are you okay?”

“What? Of course I am.” Managing to snuff out the flare, you continued, “Never been better. Morning, Lily.”

“Morning!” she greeted cheerfully as you walked past her on the way to your locker.

“See? I'm great.”

“Saying good morning to someone doesn't make you okay,” he responded, before adding, “I'd know” under his breath.

Coming to your locker, you put down your bag and turned to him. “What're you doing here?”

“I came to congratulate you on the captaincy, but now I see that I need to talk to you about whatever's in that letter. Who's it from, Y/N?”

“My dad,” you answered reluctantly.

“And?”

“And he's proud of me.”

Ben held up your backpack as you zipped it shut, asking, “Well, who wouldn't be?”

“You don't get it, Ben, he's… he's never like this. Not when it comes to me.”

“Why are you feeling like this, then?”

“You're one to talk about feelings, Benjamin Blue.”

“That doesn't answer the question.”

“No, it doesn't,” you acknowledged begrudgingly. “It's just… he's always been proud of Chance, you know? And Chance made me do this. In a way, it's just like he's proud of Chance all over again. I – I know it seems silly-”

“Chance didn't get Delilah Lee kicked off, now, did he? Or was it him that set up the cameras in the supply room, him that spoke to the former pitcher who was doomed from the start, him that never gave up even when suspended?”

“You… know about all that?”

“Oh, please, just because I'm graduated doesn't mean that those three don't constantly talk about you. Speaking of which, text me sometime, would you?”

He ruffled your hair and squeezed your shoulder, and you smiled as he walked away, going to replace the sheet in the envelope but finding another paper in there.

A clipping from the school newspaper, the headline reading 'With Lee Defected, A Team Resurrected?'; a picture that you didn't remember being taken of you at bat.

Underneath the picture, where the caption identified you, there was no writing – only a double underline under the name “Claybourne”.

And in spite of yourself, you clutched the letter and the clipping a little closer to your chest before putting them away.

“Having a social life is exhausting,” you bemoaned, letting your face fall onto the cafeteria table.

Tory poked your arm, moving an exaggerated foot back when you growled. “By God, the woman's an animal!”

“Aren't we all?” asked Hi, causing you to kick him under the table. “A wolf on the streets and a wolf in the sheets!”

“Hi.”

“Please remove me from this place if you exist, Jesus-”

“Some of us are Jewish, Shelton-”

“Jewish or not, you're all a mess,” cut in Jason, putting his tray on the table. “Losers. Tory.”

“I'm included in losers now?” You glanced up, adding, “I could destroy you. At least, that's what my new social status seems to say. Hit me up with a fry, Taylor, and I might forgive you.”

He rolled his eyes but nonetheless held the cup out to you, adding, “I believe you're too tired from upholding your social life to destroy me.”

“I'm never too tired for vengeance,” you retorted, taking two fries instead of the promised one and almost laughing at his mock outrage. “Oh, sit down.”

You hadn't lied – all the talking to people that you'd done since they talked to you and you didn't want to be mean, the fact that you had to pretend to care when one of the girls had asked you for relationship advice and your answer was largely bullshit considering the fact that you hadn't really been listening probably evident, but apparently not to her.

The day finished, you finally walked into the house after both the long school day and the softball practice that had run for two hours, sighing with relief as you threw down your-

“Don't leave your bag in the middle of the foyer again.”

Thanks a lot, Chance. You begrudgingly moved into the dining room, freezing as you noticed the smell in the room coming from what was in the center of the table.

“Chance?” you asked hesitantly, dropping your bag in the middle of the dining room – it wasn't the foyer, after all. “Why did you buy roses?”

“What?” His shadow shifted in the kitchen as he added, “I didn't.”

“Then… what are these doing here?”

“Oh, those? They're from Jason.”

Wait, Jason Taylor?

“Hold on a minute, what?”

Your half-brother entered the room, leaning against the wall as he ate a banana. “They're from Jason. Taylor, that is.”

You blinked.

“What the holy fuck?”

Since when does he buy you roses? Are you dating? Since when?

You realized it should have been obvious – hell, Jason had almost said just a short while ago that he and Jason were more than friends, quickly catching himself and correcting it to “more than you know”.

“I was under the impression that you knew,” he added. “There was that one time the other month when you asked where I was going and I said on a date?”

“I – I thought you were being sarcastic!”

“Two weeks ago, you asked why I was smiling and I said I was back from a date.”

“Again, thought you were joking.”

“When I texted you and said I was staying the night at Jason's house?”

“I thought you were friends-” You blanched. “You mean that you were having sex? That's nasty! Weren't his parents home?”

Oh, wait. He'd hosted a party that day because his parents were out of town.

Of course.

“Oh, my god. You're… dating Jason. He's gay. You're gay!” You walked back and forth, trying to make sense of it all.

“Bisexual, actually.”

“The two of you had sex! You said I couldn't stay the night on Morris the other day because you were afraid Hi and I would have sex!” you cried, turning on him.

“I'm allowed to have sex, for God's sake, I'm a consenting adult!” He turned into the kitchen, shaking his head.

“You can't control who I sleep with.”

“I don't want you to end up like your mother!”

“Don't you dare insult my mother, at least my mother is alive!”

Anger rose in you, a spark igniting as you eyes changed color, but your blood chilled when he turned around, dark blue eyes meeting.

His expression shifted and tone dropped as he murmured, “You too?”

The silence took over the room, tension having been cut through by the realization that both of your flares had returned, and a sob rose in your throat as you moved quickly across the room, finally falling apart in his arms.

“It didn't work,” he murmured. “I thought it might just have been me, but-”

“It's everyone.”

“Including Cole and Ella?”

“I wouldn't know, I don't talk to them. Then again, sometimes I don't know things about people I do talk to.”

“I'm not sure if you're referring to the flare or my relationship status.”

“Does dad know?”

He froze.

“I sure as hell hope he doesn't.”

“And if he did?”

He sighed deeply, his chest dropping with a shudder. “I'd probably be rewritten out of the will, to be honest.”

“What, it's not like he has any other heirs.”

“He has you, Y/N.”

Oh, right. “You think he'd choose me over you?”

“Knowing him? Probably.”

“You think I wouldn't cover you?”

Chance laughed. “I can't answer that, honestly.”

You hit his chest. “Asshole.”

“Is that a no?”

“Of course not.”

“It's the bottom of the ninth inning, and the Griffins are on their winning streak – if they win this game, they take home the championship! We are at a tie right now, Claybourne's up to bat, the team captain hits it, it's off, she's off! She's putting a lot of faith in her bat right now considering no man's on base and we have two strikes – she's at first and the ball is into the stands! It's a home run! She's not taking her time as she slides onto second, takes off for third – off third, and she's home! The championship is ours!”

Rolling your eyes at Sarah's commentary, you slid onto the home plate, hopping up while the team flooded onto the field, being hugged by eight different girls at once as the crowd cheered loudly.

During your tenure, your home runs were something of a habit… though, admittedly, you were prone to the accidental flare or two on the field, and this victory had come of one.

“I can't believe you're leaving us,” yelled Lily in your ear, standing on tiptoes in order to be heard. “Do you have to go and graduate? You're brilliant!”

Sarah held her arms open with a smirk. “Look at that, loser.”

You hugged her without a moment's hesitance, grinning. “You're the best commentator. Real career for you there, you know.

“Please. You’re the one who makes the game interesting enough to want to talk about.”

Surrounded by your girl, you realized that the team was about more than victory.

It was about the experiences you had.

Though winning never hurt.

“Wow, babe, you got dirty out there,” laughed Hi, waggling his eyebrows at the dirt along the side of your uniform and yelping “Assault!” when you smacked him, pulling you close and-

“Did you just whack my butt?” you asked, somewhat bewildered.

“Hashtag no regrets.”

Rolling your eyes, you retorted, “Stop using hashtags in verbal conversations!” “Hashtag can't stop won't stop.”

“Hi.”

“Fine, fine, I'll stop. But only for the beautiful girlfriend that I'm entirely too lucky to have, who is smart, strong and I can't think of a word that starts with 's' for kind but if I could I'd say it!”

“You're a dork.”

“Your dork,” he corrected, before whacking your butt again.

“Hi!”

“It looks so good in that uniform, though!”

“Oh, shut up.”

He leaned down, grabbing you around the waist.

Your arms flew around his neck by instinct as he kissed you insistently, yet slowly – passionately, yet sweetly – quickly, yet seeming to last forever.

“I love you, Y/N,” he whispered, lips leaving yours to trail kisses on your exposed neck.

“I love you more.”

“Impossible.”

A/N: This series is done! Next series is called Spring Into Action, which’ll be some interesting shit. Thanks for reading!