#how he's so much better without me and that leaving me was liberating and that he should never have talked to me at all

[dumb-fictionkin-sideblog]

I miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him... i miss him so so much i miss him i miss him miss him miss him miss him i miss him. God i miss him so much i miss him so much it physically hurts i miss him !! I miss him i miss him. I miss him

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Laying on you vs you laying on them

Him laying on you

More often than you think.

Shigaraki is always doing something, be making a plan, overthinking something or even playing lol. His brain never stops.

So, as all human beings, he needs a break, something that could take his mind out of this cruel reality he has to live in.

You.

He often finds himself laying on your thighs as some sort of escape of reality. He can simply just close his eyes and pretend that nothing is going on for a sec just for his head to finally quiet down

He is thankfully for it, but doesn't show it.

But the little sigh he always let it whenever his head hit your lap is already enough.

You laying on his lap

Not as often but still happens

Especially before the whole story of the paranormal liberation front.

Whenever he is playing on his switch he allows you to crawl on him to rest there.

Is like his personal lucky charm. He swears that everytime you lay against him whenever he is playing something, he always wins or has a higher score than before.

Won't scratch your head though... the fear is always there even with gloves.

Don't blame him, you all know what he went through and cmon I this guy is dating you is because he feels SOMETHING for ya.

Him laying on you

It happens as often as he says how much he loves heroes-

Seriously though, it would take a long ass while to make this fella have any sort of contact with you, imagine something as intimate as that.

Kai is a very reclusive man, so for him to show any signs of "vulnerability" is a dangerous thing. So with this, plus his things with touch, it makes this way too much difficult to deal with...

But, if you are patient enough... there will be a time he will trust you enough to do that. And trust me, at first it won't be a pretty sign.

For him to lay his head on your lap it would mean he is done, absolutely done with everything and he needs to just let go for while. Allow his walls to crumble down.

Might let a tear or two escape his golden eyes but you won't see it thanks to him being turned away from you but also with a death grip on your thighs.

After this, Chisaki will have a lot of trust on you and your relationship will surely make a lot of upgrate. But again, it won't be often this guy allows himself to do that since he is "the man of the relationship and he need to be the one providing you comfort".

You laying on his lap

Again, it will take a while, but not much compare to him laying on you though.

Won't take too much but again, it must be on a point where he is comfortable enough for you to touch without immediately getting killed by his quirk.

Germophobic.

Kai takes pride on whatever thing he does it well, so at the moment he notices he is one and only one who could provide you some comfort he is very ... pleased.

At first you will feel his muscle on his (big) thighs tense and contract a bit at the sudden contact before a sign will leave his covered lips as he stares at everything else asides from you with a faint blush on the tip of his ears.

With his gloved fingers awkwardly patting gently on your head as he asks what happened and if he could fix it.

He is trying. Just have patience with him.

Him laying on you

Aaaa Dabi. The cat man.

He would only do this on a very intimate level since you know... gotta keep the bay boy act for everyone to not mess with him nor his plans and all.

But when he is comfortable enough he will do it without regrets or shame.

Enough to just enter the room you are in before falling with his face in the middle of your chest while groaning from the day he had.

Is not often, but is not like Kai in this case.

He just... feels better when he is the one holding you. But he never denies when is a chance where you can just comb his inked hair (or white, it depends on what time you are honestly) and just whisper sweet nothings to him.

Seriously, he is like a cat that way.

If you move he will growl though. You are stuck with him until HE is satisfied.

... I hope you até and went to the bathroom before this man laid down on you. Because he sure as he'll ain't getting up.

You laying on him

He feels better than him laying down you.

Is more comfortable and is like having a weighted blanket on him.

Brings him joy, no jokes.

Might be on his lap or chest he doesn't care. He has that smirk of pure content on his face.

Will scratch the back of your neck and I swear the God he is the best of it enough to bring you to a putty and moaning mess (not in that way you fucking pervert)

Unless you want him to

Much like him laying on you... he won't let you go.

He is like a leech the moment you just TRY to move.

I'm talking about all of his four limbs just circling around your body and clinging onto you enough to not let even air pass through the both of you.

I live for soft clingy dabi I'm sorry.

"Touya pls-" you will wheeze out and he would only chuckle and nuzzle on you

What an ass. An loveable ass.

[windcarvedlyre]

Thinking about Venti's role as an archon and how he might be doing his job- as Celestia intended- better than we think.

Archons, in Gnosticism, rule over the material realm and prevent souls from leaving it. Barbatos, in the Ars Goetia, "reconciles disputes between friends and those who hold power".

Everything we know about Venti implies that he hates Celestia and opposes all forms of tyranny, but if their goal is to keep humanity from advancing, realising the truth of the world and taking actions that could threaten the status quo...

...isn't the best way to prevent rebellions and slow progress to make the people you rule content with what they have?

Venti is all about making his people's lives leisurely and seemingly free (I'll get to that in a second). It's in his gemstone quote, the thing which summarises his approach as an archon:

"Still, the winds change direction. "Someday, they will blow towards a brighter future… "Take my blessings and live leisurely from this day onward."

We see this reflected in Mondstadt's culture and economy. There are still hardworking individuals in the Knights of Favonius, the Church of Favonius and the Adventurer's Guild, but this attitude isn't universal even within those organisations and the rest of Mondstadt's people generally have a slow, relaxed approach to life relative to other nations. They haven't produced any internationally notable industries outside of alcohol, and why would they? They have everything they need, graciously provided by the anemo archon himself*, so why strive for more?

This has already left them vulnerable to the whims of more powerful nations, incapable of meaningfully opposing the Fatui without inviting consequences they can't handle.

*Also see Jean's story quest for a scaled-down version of this. Mondstadt's general population relies on her hard work a bit too much and she enables them.

We also see Mondstadt have a softening effect on outsiders multiple times in-game. There are at least three cases of people questioning their life choices because its people and/or scenery are that nice. Two are branches of hangout events, one is a soon-to-be-ex treasure hoarder chilling on Cider Lake's coast. I've joked that Mond is a lotus eater hotel scaled up to a nation based on this, but what if that's somewhat intentional?

But why would he do this?

It could be an unintended side effect of efforts to improve people's quality of life. He was allegedly naive enough not to forsee the aristocracy situation, after all. But at the same time... he's a god of freedom and hope in a world where his people have no hope of freedom.

-Harmost's Notes (II), Remuria.

He knows what happens to human civilisations that advance too far and attempt to rebel against this world. He likely knows a god much like him, themed around music and desperate to free his people from fate, tried and failed horribly. He lives in the shadow of a celestial needle. The Cataclysm would only reinforce this perceived futility of resistance. He still hopes for a brighter future, but he may be pinning all of his hopes on a descender taking pity on Teyvat's people and choosing to help them. To quote the description of Mondstadt Statues of the Seven:

A monumental stone statue that watches over Mondstadt. Legends say that it was sculpted in the image of the Anemo Archon. "Seeds brought by the wind will grow over time." The statue silently anticipates the arrival of a noble soul to arrive, while thousand winds of time will soon unfold a new story...

Apart from that, what else can he do besides be passive and complacent? Besides make his people comfortable and hope they don't rock the boat too much before liberation is actually possible?

And the thing about resolving disputes with those in power worries me. It could just translate into his pacifism, but it could also mean he's less willing to act against Celestia than we'd hope. Why did the Tsaritsa, the only archon named after a saint and willing to take a stand against Celestia, fall out with him? He has reasons to be pissed at her methods but I suspect that won't be the only factor.

All we can do is wait and see.

[kteezy997]

The Heart of a Bene Gesserit-Part Two//Paul Atreides

Warnings: mention of slaves(for spice harvesting), drinking alcohol, speaking of heartbreak

You were given your own room at the Emperor's house. This wasn't the first time you'd stayed at a House of Atreides, but this felt altogether different from your childhood.

Duke Leto was an untouchable force, but not necessarily a man to be feared. He was a man who commanded respect. But you could tell that the people here, servants, soldiers, Paul's men, were all afraid of him under the surface.

As you spent the following day with Paul, you could still sense the melancholy from him. You sat in on his council, you walked the Arakeen halls with him, everything he said to everyone was met with a "Yes, my lord." As if they could not say anything contrary.

You knew that this wasn't what Paul desired. He was still Leto's son. He had a heart, and you knew that all he really wanted was love and to be loved. There was something specifically off about him. You could tell that he was troubled. You wanted to know what was going on in his mind.

Paul was headed to take some time to relax. He deeply stressed, as was everyone else during this time of war.

"Paul, do you need to talk about anything?"

"No, I'm fine." he said.

"You can trust me, Paul. I am your friend, don't forget that."

"I'm going to need more time. What personally troubles me is miniscule in comparison to everything around me."

Just as Paul had sat down, one of the guards burst into the room, "My lord, another smuggler crawler has been intercepted. They need your approval as to what to do with the prisoners aboard."

"Kill them all." Paul said, without any thought.

"No." you said sharply.

Paul frowned at you, his eyes darkening, "No? How would you deal with these traitors?"

"Don't be so much of a Harkonnen, Paul." you warned, knowing that you would pinch a nerve mentioning his mother's bloodline. "No need for senseless killing. That would only be liberation for these smugglers. I would keep them as slaves for the spice silos. Make them work to the bone, under the burning desert sun until the end of their days."

He tilted his head, a look of intrigue on his face, "Seems cruel, but quite useful, y/n."

"Think of it as a lesson for other wannabe thieves. The taste of slavery is much sourer than death. The spice harvesters will be kept in line. The empire will be better for it."

Paul nodded, a grin on his lips, "Hmm." He agreed, stepped closer to you. "I want to offer you a job on my council, if you'll have it. I need your mind, y/n. Someone sensible for once."

"I will consider it, my lord. Give me time." you answered, smirking up at him.

"I must leave now and give orders to the new slaves." he said to you, then looked to the guard at the door behind you. "Y/n will stay and watch over House Atreides in my stead until I return." he gave one last nod, then left the room.

......

Hours upon hours passed, it was so late into the night that you weren't informed about Paul's return. You needed to see him, to be assured that he was alright. You instructed a servant to take you to him.

Paul was alone in the dining hall; a few bottles of spice liquor littered the grand table. You looked ahead, above the large door across the room, stared into the eyes of the bull's head that hung there. You heard footsteps, saw Paul walking out toward the table.

"Leave us." you told the servant and watched them leave. This was seemingly a moment of weakness for the emperor, his staff did not need to see him this way, so vulnerable.

“Y/n, forgive me for not seeking you this evening. My duties took longer than anticipated. I figured you were asleep.” Paul said, holding a bottle to his lips, downing the liquid inside.

“I wanted to be sure that you came back safely.”

“I know my way in the desert. I’m the emperor, you don’t have to worry about me.” he sat down in one of the chairs, setting his bottle on the table.

“I think someone should look after you, Muad’Dib.”

“Oh?” he took another sip, “And you wish to be this someone? To look after me, bed me, so you can be the mother of the next Kwizatz Haderach?”

That remark made you angry, you understood that he couldn’t fully trust you yet, but he was being too harsh. The alcohol must bring out his defiant streak. “Don’t mock me, Paul Atreides. I’m not just Bene Gesserit, you know. I’m your friend, we grew up together, I am still the same person.”

“Are you?” he asked, not looking at you. His blue with blue eyes were obviously tired. Exhaustion was all over his face.

“Yes. I’m here for you, even if you don’t realize it.”

He turned his head, glaring at you. “Tell me, what exactly are you here for? I assume there’s a mission for you at hand, yes?”

This was it, you couldn’t conceal it anymore. He knew. He just needed you to admit it. “You’re right. I was sent here to secure your bloodline. To seduce you. I accepted the mission, but not to see it through. I just missed my friend. And I worried about you. Everything you’ve been through, Paul-"

“I believe you.” he drank down the remaining spice liquor from the bottle, then stood up. “Come with me.” he said, walking out of the dining hall.

“Paul, I think you should go to bed, get some rest.” you suggested, following him.

“Afterward." he replied. "I want to show you something.” He led you out onto the large balcony that overlooked the spice depot. “I remember when we used to watch the sunset on Caladan. I know you thought it was beautiful, the way the sun reflected on the water, but the moons here are just as breathtaking.”

You looked at him looking up at the night sky. The dark night shadowed his features, softening them. Then you looked up at the moons, shining brightly, “I have heard of the two moons of Arrakis, but it is something entirely different to see them with my own eyes.” He was right, it was a sight to behold. It was beautiful. “I may be biased, but I prefer a Caladan sunset.” you teased him.

Paul chuckled, looking over at you, “I knew you’d say that. What I wouldn’t give to be kids again. Feels like I’ve taken those memories for granted. I’m glad you’re here to bring them back. I miss Caladan, who I was there. Who I was when I was with you.” his voice was so tender and soft, if not for your training, you’d be weak in the knees.

“Maybe you could tell me what’s bothering you now. Get something off your chest. You have enough weight on you, Paul. Let me help you.”

He sighed, shaking his head, "I loved a Fremen woman, but she left when I ascended the throne. She hates everything I stand for. She didn't believe in the Lisan al Gaib. She thought I wanted to control her people. I betrayed her by seeking power. In avenging my father, I lost her."

You nodded, understanding why he had turned to the spice bottles, "I've never been in love. But I imagine losing it is very hard to deal with. I know you're hurting, but it sounds like you met a strong woman and had a great love. Not everyone gets that." You couldn't help but feel jealous. You hoped the marriage arranged for you one day would be a love match. But you were also jealous of this mysterious Fremen woman that had Paul's heart.

"I will always love her. I've seen many futures of her coming back to me, of me finding her. I don't know if any of those visions will come to be, but I will love her as long as I breathe."

Your heart sank, coming to realize that he may never love you that way. You swallowed, "I can only hope that I will feel that way about someone one day."

Paul took your hand, "I'm certain you will. You should know that I am, and have always been, very fond of you. So, it would be easy to get a man to fall in love with you." he smirked, "Especially if you use your Bene Gesserit tricks."' he winked.

"This Fremen woman, what was her name?"

"Chani. My Sihaya." he looked away, but he couldn't stop the smile on his face, but it was quickly replaced with sorrow.

"Sihaya? Desert spring, right?" Things were falling into place for you.

"Yeah. She hated that name. She preferred Chani."

"The prophecy. She was part of it." you whispered to yourself, realizing.

"Which is why she hated it." Paul concluded.

You stood there a moment, looking at the moons, soaking in the view. Now you knew that Paul would never want to be with you. He couldn't, even if he wanted to. He and this Chani were in the same prophecy. It was fated.

"I'm going to go to bed. You should do the same. Goodnight, my lord." you let go of his hand, and gave him a short curtsy.

He gave you a nod that felt strangely formal. You could somehow feel the intimacy between the two of you fading away as you left for your room.

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @lixzey @ducktapebar @aoi-targaryen @yukideadinside @elloise0 @thatoneweirdgirl17 @bitchyunknownuser @mel-vaz @sammy-halpert @iwishchalamet @that-one-fangirl69 @jindongdongie @briefkittenearthquake

[gazzistt]

·˚ ༘₊· 𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈 𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 🧘🏾‍♀️

itadori, sukuna and choso headcannon // here me out…all three of them as siblings. sukuna as the eldest, choso, then itadori.

notes┆︎i usually reference this au when writing my [ itadoriolderbrother! sukuna x reader ], so if you want to know more about that world refer to here :))

⊹˚∘ SUKUNA.

Sukuna grew up spoiled. SPOILED. Being the first and only child of Kaori and Jin at the time, they gave him everything he could ever want.

I like to think that Jin and Kaori were rich as hell. I'm talking about five estates all decked out in multiple traditional-style mansions. They had maids, butlers, attendants—everything!This is where Sukuna spent most of his time and can explain why he acts like he’s better than everyone later in life.

Sukuna was homeschooled for the beginning of his life, never having to mingle with regular people. He learned everything from the comfort of his home, attendants at his beck and call. It was here he learned etiquette, manners and basic liberal skills. Afterward, he was sent to the best schools in the country—his parents only wanting the best for him.

As Sukuna grew older he got a job at his father's company and found out that his parents made him the sole successor to ALL of their assets—only adding to his trust-fund nature.

Sukuna had a very close relationship with his parents, so much so that he was devastated when his mother died shortly after giving birth to Yuji.

This led to his more brutish nature, distancing himself from his father and baby Yuji, going off on a more crude path. He became rouge, got in trouble a lot more, and started fighting. Jin tried his hardest to rectify his behavior, but those attempts didn't seem to work out. So he let him be.

Jin soon found himself growing more weary and left Yuji in the care of his parents, Co-parenting with his father. But, shortly after that, Jin passed away.

Sukuna attended his funeral, and although he wasn't as devastated, it still hit him hard. His grandfather asked Sukuna to visit him and Yuji for some time, seeing as he now had custody over the children as their legal guardian.

However, Sukuna only fulfilled this request during Yuji’s toddler years. After that, Sukuna was as absent as could be. So absent, that Yuji forgot he even had an older brother.

It wasn’t anything personal, but Sukuna was too used to the luxurious lifestyle he grew up with. Their grandfather was a lot more…modest, more simple, more basic. And that was precisely the reason why he stopped showing up.

Sukuna only appeared again when his grandfather died, leaving Yuji without proper care. He decided to take guardianship of the boy and ‘rekindle’ their relationship. Although it was a bit of a daunting task considering he was absent for 16 years of his life. Whoops.

Nevertheless, Yuji eventually came around, the two of them growing close despite their constant bickering and opposing views. Sukuna was family after all.

Sukuna and Itadori lived in a condo in one of the most expensive neighborhoods in the area. Itadori didn’t realize it at the time, but his brother was insanely rich. Sukuna never really talked about it, and Itadori never wanted to hear anything about his parents—which Sukuna thought to be a shame, because he would never have the childhood that he did.

⊹˚∘ ITADORI.

Itadori didn’t know what to do when this random man suddenly claimed to be his brother. I mean, how does one even respond to that?

Eventually, Itadori had no choice to believe him. I mean, Sukuna looked exactly like him! It was almost like they were twins, except he had tattoos covering his face, was much older, and had much less face fat too.

It also helped that Itadori could remember Sukuna—faintly, but just enough to know that he met him a couple times in his life.

When it came to living with Sukuna, there were some…difficulties. I mean, he was arrogant, pretentious, and shameless—all the personality traits that made up the people Yuji hated. But Yuji learned how to tune out Sukuna’s voice, choosing not to let his temperament rub off on him.

For the most part Sukuna left him alone. He did have a job, after all. He would fly out for days at a time, coming back home only to chill in his room, and never coming out until he had someplace to be.

At that point Itadori practically made the home his own, the emptiness and barren design choices soon becoming occupied with color and random objects. Like the sudden appearance of a sleeping bag (?), a PS5, clothes, paintings, wallpaper—by the time Sukuna came back home he couldn't even recognize his own home!

“Hey you brat, what the hell did you do to my house?” Sukuna snarled, his briefcase dropping to the floor in his stupor.

“Oh! I thought you were supposed to come next week—”

“You thought?” Sukuna shakes his head, walking towards his brother who was sprawled out watching a movie on his couch. “What? We're you gonna paint my walls too?”

Needless to say, Yuji found himself sleeping outdoors that night.

Amidst the discourse, Yuji did appreciate the little moments he had with Sukuna. Like when he taught him how to fight!

Apparently, to Sukuna, Yuji had a lot of raw strength in him. Whatever that meant. Yuki couldn’t see it yet, but Sukuna insisted to step in to teach him how to punch.

“Kid, what enemies are you fighting?” Sukuna chuckles, throwing his head back with laughter. He just couldn't believe what he was seeing, his own brother—trying to throw a punch with the most dubious of forms.

“Shut it. I don't want to hear it from you.” Itadori tells him, continuing to shadow box in the middle of the living room. “If you don't have anything good to say, then don't distract me.”

Sukuna scoffs, throwing his hands up in his defense. “Whatever. I just can’t watch my doppelganger throw punk ass punches.”

Sukuna then gets up, stopping Itadori from…whatever he was doing. He stands in front of him and throws a punch, showing Itadori a visual of the perfect form.

“Hey, that looked solid!” Itadori said with newfound enthusiasm, bouncing around the room.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, that looked like it would connect!”

Sukuna simply smirks, shaking his head. Of course it looked like it would connect. He was the best fighter he knew—and there would be no way he’d let his little brother embarrass that title.

But the most weirdest moment that happened to Itadori by far was when he gained yet another brother.

⊹˚∘ CHOSO.

One day Itadori got into a little scuffle with some guys. Nothing too drastic—just a slight little altercation.

But, by the time Itadori came home, he was beaten and bruised—clearing losing the fight.

All Itadori knew was that he got absoulety wiped clean by an emo guy with black hair and dark circles. A bit embarrassing to say the least, but Itadori was so sure that he would never see that guy again.

Until…he did.

“You’re not Yuji.” Choso says flatly, eyebrows lifting in confusion.

“Yeah, I'm not.” Sukuna responds, just as confused. “Who the hell are you?”

Currently, Choso was standing outside the door of Sukuna’s condo—how he got there is unknown. All he knew was that his brother was in there and he had to see him.

“I’m Yuji’s brother.”

Sukuna stared blankly at him, a scoff leaving his lips. “The hell you are, that kid was the last one to pop out of my mom, that's for sure.”

“Oh, so you must be his brother? Well, I guess that makes us siblings as well.”

“Huh?”

Sukuna was thoroughly confused. Who the hell was this random ass kid? And why did he claim to be related?—he must be mental.

Sukuna couldn't deal with this so he called Yuji to clarify. That is when he revealed that this was the chump who beat him up.

Apparently, they beat each other so badly that Choso’s injuries led him to believe that Yuji was his brother.

And he was thoroughly convinced. Equipped with shared memories that only Sukuna and Itadori could have known.

Being a kind soul, Itadori decided that they should allow Choso to stay with them—just until he could regain his memories. Although it seemed unlikely, he believed that there really was a chance Choso could be related to them.

Sukuna, however, wasn't too pleased at this idea, since that merely resulted in another mouth to feed. Nonetheless, Choso began living with the brothers—an arrangement that soon became permanent.

Surprisingly, Choso fit in perfectly. Almost as if Sukuna and Itadori were missing a puzzle piece. He wasn’t loud like Itadori, nor was he pompous like Sukuna. He leaned more toward the reserved side, acting as a medium between the two extremes.

He would sometimes chill around the house, playing board games with Itadori and sometimes Sukuna—if he willed it. But the majority of his time is spent taking walks, reminiscing, and listening to music.

Choso‘s friends are kind of shady to be honest, always getting into altercations and trouble. But whenever Itadori expresses his distaste for one of them, he drops them immediately.

I just think Choso is such a family man, always putting their interests first. He is a firm believer of ‘blood is thicker than water.’ Always ready to protect his brothers of any harm should become them.

Thankfully, it hasn't come to that yet—and he enjoys the new home he found for himself.

a/n: finally finished this 😩😩 i need some water. also i just think choso random appearance to be so fucking funny b/c what do you mean your related to me?

© GAZZISTT

[heartsforhavik]

Hiiii!

I love havik sm, and your fics are the best istg 🫶🫶

If you can do you think you can do a continuation of the yandere fics you've been writing but with havik?

Ty<3

yandere havik x reader hcs

warnings: violence, gore, toxic relationship, regular yandere tendencies yk

summary: hcs of yandere havik x (gender neutral) reader

a/n: AWWWW THANK YOU ANON!! also i got quite a lot of yandere havik requests. all of you are SICK in the head. (me too tho so it’s ok) anyways i’ve been wanting to write a yandere havik for so long bc most people write havik as aggressive and controlling all the time, but i think he’s chill to the people he’s acquainted to. BUT YANDERE HAVIK?? LETS FUCKIN GOOO CONTROLLING HAVIK!! anyways next is yandere syzoth stay tuned

there was a sickening, almost deranged look on havik’s face the moment he first saw you. as soon as he saw you, there was nothing that could stop him from making you his.

it was like he was consumed by a powerful drug, and he was completely and irrevocably enamored by you.

he longs to have you by his side. he’s so obsessed with you, he wants to cut you open and crawl inside of your skin. you’re just so enchanting, how could he not be in love?

love, is what it looks like. but for havik, it’s more of an obsession than true love. sure, he wants to hold you in his arms and be with you for the rest of his life, but he doesn’t exactly have the emotional capacity to truly be in love.

if you had a problem going on and you were emotionally distressed, he would automatically resort to violence and would be driven to destroy whoever hurt you. but he doesn’t exactly know how to comfort you. he can, but he’ll just awkwardly pat you on the back.

for now, you were just allies. but havik is determined to slowly turn it into something more. it would be so slow you wouldn’t even notice the change. in his eyes, that is the smartest way to win you over. if you’re used to his affections, you won’t leave.

well, it’s not like he would even let you leave if you fell in love with him. he would convince you to stay with him. he would convince you that he can provide you safe haven and you will someday be blessed by chaos by his side.

but if you ever rejected havik’s affections, he just wouldn’t accept it. he would assume you were just lying or having a bad day. after everything he did for you, there was no way he can live without you in his life. so he just wouldn’t accept that you rejected him.

but if you accepted his affections, havik would never hold back again. he would be completely unhinged and expect you to accept it.

he would also keep you very close to him. havik knows he has a lot of enemies that would target you, so he will always protect you. you’re his, therefore it is his responsibility to keep you untouched from harm.

you’re just so beautiful. so delicate. you would still look oh so beautiful if you were all bloodied and ruined… but havik wouldn’t let your body get ruined, as much as he wants to see it. he wishes you had the same powers as him, so your body parts don’t have to stay in the same boring spot all the time and you can enjoy the chaos of it.

speaking of chaos, havik wishes to share his lifestyle with you. no gods, no government, no order. to live a life of liberation with you is a life well lived in his eyes. if you don’t agree with him, he will make you agree. you are either with him or against him. and defying him would be a mistake. you should know to follow his ideals in order to lead a better life on his side.

havik would feel ecstatic if you were to get your hands dirty with him. he would be happy to engage in kombat with you any day, especially if you two destroyed the oppressors together.

if not, that’s okay. he can do the work and you can sit and look nice next to him. even though he would want to see you work towards freedom, he would not mind if you only supported him.

havik is convinced that chaos will benefit your life, and that he is the right partner for you. he cannot accept anything else for you. he knows what is best for you, believe him.

if anyone were to defy his vision for you… if anyone were to dare try and win you over.. he would eliminate them in gruesome manners. even if he has to do it right in front of your eyes just to prove a point. that he would fight for you. he deserves to be with you because he kills for you with no hesitation. how could you not accept him if he shows you his potential to truly dedicate himself to you?

why would anyone even dare try to court you? he is right there by your side, why can’t everyone else see that? are they so blind to think they can have you when havik claimed you first?

overall, he knows you belong to him. he does give you the freedom to choose *how* you express your affection to him and how you fight for freedom with him, but he is convinced that he is what is best for you.

havik can’t imagine the rest of his life without you, his precious little doll, by his side. so cute, so delicate. and all his. you’ll always stay with him and fight with him, won’t you?

[shinshandholder]

i think way too often about nicky's conversation with neil about love ("exy can't hold you up, and it won't make you a stronger or better person. sooner or later you're going to have to let someone in".) and how it's relevant at so many points of the trilogy, how it ties to neil's fears and how it always leads him to andrew. there are so many instances of it… just to name a few:

when neil is telling andrew about his past (kind of), and andrew takes it like a champ: "neil didn't know how to feel about that. he should be relieved, because it meant andrew might be done asking him questions, but it went deeper than that. he wondered for a moment if andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider".

after neil accepts andrew's offer to protect him: "andrew didn't bulge beneath his weight. he was something solid to lean against, something violent and fierce and unmoving. neil couldn't remember what it felt like to have someone hold him up. it was terrifying and liberating all at once".

after the conversation with nicky: "neil wouldn't wish his mess on anyone else. except he'd already started sharing that burden, albeit unwillingly. he'd divided his secrets between kevin and andrew. kevin reacted the way neil expected everyone would to the truth: with a horrified demand that neil leave immediately. andrew, though, nodded in the face of it and told neil to stay. he stood his ground when neil asked him for murder and gave him a key to their house".

when he opens up about his past AND SHOWS HIM HIS SCARS. "with so many people watching, neil couldn't lift his shirt. he did the next best thing and dragged one of andrew's hands under the hem. he pressed andrew's palm to the ugly scarring across his abdomen."

when he picks up andrew from rehab: "they'd been apart for seven weeks but neil keenly remembered why he'd stayed. he remembered this unyielding, unquestioning weight that could hold him and all of his problems up without breaking a sweat. for the first time in months he could finally breathe again. it was such a relief it was frightening; neil hadn't meant to lean on andrew so much."

when his reaction to the conversation with wymack about being captain is to call andrew: "neil felt a half-second from losing his mind, but then andrew said his name and neil's thoughts ground to a startled halt. he was belatedly aware of his hand at his ear and his finger clenched tight around his phone. he didn't remember pulling it from his pocket or making the decisino to dial out."

JUST. "it's always been 'lie' and 'hide' and 'disappear'. i've never belonged anywhere or had the right to call anything my own. but coach gave me keys to the court, and you told me to stay. you gave me a key and called it home."

"letting someone in meant trusting them not to stab me in the back when terrible people came looking for me. i was too afraid to risk it, so it was easier to be alone and not think about it. but i trust you".

when they're making out and andrew lets him put his hands on his hair: "it wasn't much, but it was a desperate relief having something to hold onto. maybe that low rush in his gut was from being trusted enough to reach out at all".

the fact that he stopped running away and realized he wanted to be someone who stays and fights for his loved ones. "I didn't say anything then because I knew I'd look out for only me when the world went to hell. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to go back for you."

[boyguk]

Kovis ('tough guy') by Käärijä | fin -> eng trans.

Kovis is a word with a mocking undertone, Finns usually use this word while talking about people like immature teenage boys who act tougher than they actually are. The whole song is about dealing with someone who's a difficult and immature person to be around. I decided to translate some bits very literally and add context to some of the words and expressions he uses, mostly because a more liberal english translation alone probably wouldn't fully convey how much he's mocking the person and their juvenile behavior.

[VERSE]

Voi hyvä tavaton mietin missä sun käytöstavat on hä -> My goodness, I’m wondering where your manners are, huh

Sä kohtelet muita ku *avanto* niin kylmästi et oon sanaton -> You treat others so coldly it’s like *ice swimming*, it leaves me speechless *(avanto = the actual hole in the ice, but English doesn’t have a word for something that specific. He's basically saying the person is about as pleasant as a swim in ice cold water – when you swim in an avanto the coldness usually shocks your body and it's difficult to talk because of it)

Tekis mieli vetää sua lettii mut en oo sellane -> I feel like smacking you but I’m not like that

Oot olevinas mikä lie bossman tääl, mut *sun nokka on keltane* -> You act like you’re some kind of a bossman here, but *your beak is yellow* *(he’s saying the person is a 'keltanokka' = a beginner/‘junior', someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing)

Se on pelkkää puppuu ja legendaa ku sulla aukee suu -> When you open your mouth, it's all nonsense and lies

Sun kylien kovan jätkän maine on valheilla maustettuu -> Your tough guy reputation has been seasoned with lies

Teet niin hiton tyhmii juttui että mietin onks sun *pää puut* -> You do things so damn stupid that it makes me wonder if your *head is made of wood* *(puupää = someone who’s dumb, the word's more humorous than offensive despite the meaning)

Ja muut miettii hätäpoistumisteitä kun sä tuut -> And when you come around, the others think about emergency exits

[BRIDGE]

Ei näin, ei missään nimes näin -> Not like this, absolutely not like this *(a better, less literal translation would be something like "don't act like this, absolutely do not act like this")

Sul on *finkut pystys* heti kun sä tuut -> *Your fingers are up* as soon as you arrive *(I think he means they've got a bad attitude, like they've got their middle fingers up all the time)

Ei näin, ei missään nimes näin -> Not like this, absolutely not like this

Polemiikkii syntyy heti kun sä tuut -> A controversy/quarrel occurs as soon as you arrive

[CHORUS]

Jäbä hei ei tollasel asenteella tääl päin tehdä kavereita -> Dude, you don't make friends 'round here with an attitude like that

Ei olla enää *yläasteella* senkin kovis -> We're not in *junior high* anymore, you tough guy *(the Finnish school system is a bit complex, but 'yläaste' is for people between the ages of 13 and 15 before they start high school at 16. It's hell, it's horror, teens that age are terrible so absolutely no one enjoys yläaste. TL;DR he's saying the person still acts like a childish teenager)

Ei tollasel asenteella tääl päin saa ku avareita -> Here an attitude like that will only get you bitch slapped

Ei olla enää *yläasteella* senkin kovis -> We're not in *junior high* anymore, you tough guy

[VERSE]

Oot niinku ne nettipalstojen *sankarit* jotka postaa -> You're like *those heroes* who post online *(sarcasm, guess he's talking about people who are shitty, rude, and annoying online)

(Vittu mitä pask–) Miks sun pitää olla tollanen kovis -> (Fuck this sh–) Why do you have to be a tough guy like that

Jonka puheenvuoro on ku *battle freestyle, ota rewind* -> It's like *a freestyle battle when it's your turn to speak, hit rewind* *(I think he means that the person thinks they're free to say anything they want without caring about how offensive they're being, and that they think every conversation is like a battle they have to somehow 'win'. He's telling the person to hit rewind to rethink their words)

Sillä nää bileet ei oo mitkää mihi tullaan käyttäytyy noin -> Because this party isn't a place where you can act like that

Sä hiffaat sen ennen pitkää jos tuut näyttäytyy noin -> You'll eventually get it/notice it if you continue to be like that

Sä et lähde pois vaa *intät* vastaa ja se suututtaa muut -> You don't leave, you just continue to *bicker/insist* and it makes everyone mad *(inttää = (to) insist, but the tone of that word is belittling/ridiculing/dismissive. If a kid at a grocery store is being whiny, annoying, and continues to insist that they want a lollipop even after their parent has told them 'no', that's the vibe of 'inttää'. If you call someone's arguments or behavior 'inttäminen' you're basically dismissing their words/behavior while calling them a bit childish)

Voit tehä u-käännöksen ens kerral kun sä tuut -> The next time you come, you can/should do a U-turn

[BRIDGE]

Ei näin, ei missään nimes näin -> Not like this, absolutely not like this

Sul on *finkut pystys* heti kun sä tuut -> *Your fingers are up* as soon as you arrive

Ei näin, ei missään nimes näin -> Not like this, absolutely not like this

Polemiikkii syntyy heti kun sä tuut -> A controversy/quarrel occurs as soon as you arrive

[CHORUS]

Jäbä hei ei tollasel asenteella tääl päin tehdä kavereita -> Dude, you don't make friends 'round here with an attitude like that

Ei olla enää *yläasteella* senkin kovis -> We're not in *junior high* anymore, you tough guy

Ei tollasel asenteella tääl päin saa ku avareita -> Here an attitude like that will only get you bitch slapped

Ei olla enää yläasteella senkin kovis -> We're not in junior high anymore, you tough guy

[And then he continues to repeat parts of the chorus before the song ends]

[elysiaheaven]

𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿-𝟮𝟴-(The Fox's Wedding)

Words:2399

Mentions of gorey, blood,mentions of sewing..disturbing descriptions.

Hoolay loomed over Jiaoqiu, his presence suffocating, his words laced with venom. The foxian healer stood his ground, but the weariness in his eyes betrayed him. Every secret, every revelation between them was a slow unraveling, and Hoolay reveled in it.

"Secrets are a weapon that a hunter cannot live without," Hoolay hissed, his voice low and menacing. "Those that have no secrets are no more than prey, cut open and waiting for death."

Jiaoqiu clenched his fists. "What you're saying is, in your eyes, I am no more than prey that has exhausted all of its secrets and is simply awaiting its death?"

Hoolay smiled darkly, leaning closer, his breath cold against Jiaoqiu's face. "Do you think you have some other escape route? Jiaoqiu, I have already peeled back your disguises and defenses, layer by layer. I know all the secrets that you and your general have buried so deep."

"But you've told me all of your secrets too, Warhead," Jiaoqiu retorted, a glimmer of defiance still burning in his voice.

Hoolay's laughter echoed, dark and mocking. "And yet, you will never have a chance to use them. You will be buried with them right here." His eyes gleamed with malice as he continued, "Although, you are a fortunate one... After all, you will avoid having to see the tragic future that awaits your general."

Jiaoqiu's heart sank at the mention of Feixiao. His gaze flickered with unease, but he stood firm, unwilling to let Hoolay's words sink in.

"I'm sure she understands her fate far better than you ever will," Hoolay continued, a cruel smile curling on his lips. "One day on the battlefield, she will be overpowered by her ever-intensifying Moon Rage and finally be torn apart by her fury and transformation. Not even your GodLan, The Hunt, can save her from this fate... Although, *they* can lead her to liberation."

Jiaoqiu's eyes narrowed. "And the only way to save her is in your hands?"

Hoolay's smile turned more sinister. "Yes. And you know it too, foxian. Deep down, you know I speak the truth. But no matter how much you fight it, no matter how hard you struggle, the end will come."

"Are you the healer or am I!?" Jiaoqiu spat, desperation creeping into his voice. "Are you really that certain of your own judgment?"

Hoolay tilted his head, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Certain enough. But before I go, you know what I must do, don't you?"

Jiaoqiu steeled himself, trembling yet refusing to break. "Drink bloodwine... I hear it is a borisin custom to kill prisoners and drink their blood before battle to stir up their madness."

Hoolay chuckled, his grip tightening around the hilt of his blood-stained blade. "You really did put hard work into researching us... It is a shame that this is where your journey ends."

He took a step forward, his smile widening into a sinister grin. "But, before I leave you to your fate, do you know how I killed her? How your beloved *died*?"

Jiaoqiu's eyes widened in horror, dread settling deep in his chest.

Hoolay's voice was dripping with malice now, each word designed to tear at the foxian's very soul. "I beheaded her. Watched her body, still full of fight, stumble and crawl toward you, as if she had any hope left. Her eyes—so desperate, so filled with terror. And do you know what the last thing she saw was?"

Jiaoqiu stood frozen, heart pounding painfully against his ribs.

Hoolay grinned, leaning in to whisper in his ear, "The last thing she saw was *your* tearful face."

Jiaoqiu's legs almost gave way, his vision blurred with rage and sorrow. Hoolay's laughter rang out, cruel and merciless, filling the air like a death knell.

"And now, Jiaoqiu, the last thing *you* will see is *her* face," Hoolay said, gesturing to the bloody head he had kept by his side. "Her lifeless, tear-streaked face as you draw your last breath."

In the stillness of the aftermath, a dark figure lay sprawled amidst the wreckage of violence and bloodshed. The room, now quiet, bore the aftermath of a brutal confrontation, the walls stained with the marks of struggle.

As Hoolay's footsteps faded into the distance, Jiaoqiu remained alone in the dark, blood-slicked room. The silence was thick, filled only with the echoes of Hoolay's cruel words and Jiaoqiu's labored breaths.

Jiaoqiu's gaze was fixed on the cold, unfeeling floor, his body numb but his mind racing. "Those who have no secrets... are no more than prey... cut open and waiting for death..." he muttered, his voice a hoarse whisper.

He took a deep breath, struggling against the pain and the growing numbness spreading through his limbs. "Enjoy the taste of my fresh blood, Hoolay. Unfortunately, I am not a man without secrets. I still have one little secret hidden up my sleeve."

His hand reached into his pocket, pulling out a vial of dark liquid. His fingers trembled slightly, but his resolve was unyielding. "Tumbledust," he whispered, looking at the vial with a faint, sad smile. "I drank it a while ago, and the poison is already flowing through my veins. Sooner or later... you will begin to feel the effects."

Jiaoqiu's expression hardened with determination, despite the creeping paralysis. "If the most lethal poison known to this world... is able to save innocent lives... then it can also be called a great medicine."

He cast one last glance at the bloodstained floor, his thoughts drifting to Feixiao. "I will do my best to cure you... Feixiao. At the cost of this insignificant life..."

Jiaoqiu's voice grew softer, tinged with regret. "I'm sorry... I couldn't even give you the death you wished for. Perhaps in another life... we could have been together."

With the last of his strength, Jiaoqiu's head drooped as he mumbled one final promise, his words barely audible. "In another life, let's get married... and live free of this suffering."

In the stillness of the aftermath, a dark figure lay sprawled amidst the wreckage of violence and bloodshed. The room, now quiet, bore the aftermath of a brutal confrontation, the walls stained with the marks of struggle.

You stirred, coming to consciousness in the dim, blood-slicked environment. Pain and exhaustion weighed heavily on your limbs, but you found yourself grappling with a profound sense of realization. A question echoed within you, a haunting whisper amidst the chaos.

"Do I still want to live?"

The question seemed almost absurd given the state you were in. The brutality of Hoolay's actions and the loss of so much—Jiaoqiu's last moments, the hopelessness of the situation—cast a shadow over your thoughts. Your heart pounded heavily, and every movement felt like a monumental effort, yet a sliver of consciousness remained.

You could feel the remnants of Hoolay's cruel taunts and the weight of Jiaoqiu's sacrifice pressing down upon you. His words, his final act of defiance, and his sorrowful promises were etched into your mind.

"I'm still here..." you murmured to yourself, struggling to push through the fog of pain and despair. "Despite everything, I'm still alive."

The blood on your skin seemed to pulse with a dark rhythm, and as you lay there, the choice of whether to cling to life or succumb to the darkness lingered in your mind. Your breath came in ragged gasps, each inhale a reminder of the choice you had to make.

A flicker of determination kindled within you. "Is this all there is?" you questioned, staring at the ceiling. "Is my fate to be defined by this endless cycle of pain and violence?"

Mei...

Promise, Don't give on anything. Drag your life if you have to. If you still have someone you love. 

Live with them..

You saw yourself in a hollow place, Black and white and Nihility..?

The woman approached you, she has silver hair with a straight, smooth texture that reaches all the way to her thighs. Her skin is pale white and her eyes are red with white pupils. Most of her outfit is now colored in red, white and black. Red, tattoo-like markings are visible on her neck, midriff, and thighs. A few Adenium Obesum flowers are found on her arms, chest and shoulder guard.

No, You saw something else.  she wore a traditional white kimono with a red obi around her waist and traditional okobo sandals. She also had two red horns on her head with the right horn longer than the left horn.

Mei! Mei...?!

Choose your answer.

I.....

Into the depths of the promised day,

She carves the shape of love on her crimson fingertips.

Vanishing into the void, disappearing, all alone.

Her head and his eyes—

"If we unite in the shadows, It will bring an end to her suffering."

Reveal yourself, the one who vanished from my sight,

Why did you bear the agony for the man you sought to destroy?

Two bodies entwined, bound by the secret of the cure.

Captivating eyes,

The head of a woman,

You and I—soon to be erased.

Forget it all, and let us become one.

Into my depths, into the promised day,

I carve the shape of love upon my red fingertips.

The headless one will stitch herself back together,

For the future he promised her.

A faint voice echoes through the shadows. *"You still have to live... if not for yourself, then at least be useful for him... for his life."*

The darkness around you hums, and in that stillness, a strange warmth spreads through your cold body. Your fingers twitch.

*"Live..."* The voice urges again, commanding, relentless.

With trembling hands, you feel the jagged edges where your neck had once connected to your body. Pain sears through you, but your mind is strangely clear, focused.

*"At least be useful..."*

A desperate, broken breath escapes you as you reach for the needle. Slowly, you begin to sew, stitching the ragged flesh, pulling thread through skin with precision. Blood drips down your fingertips, yet your movements are steady, purposeful.

*Into my depths, into the promised day,*

*I carve the shape of love on my red fingertips...*

Each stitch draws you closer to life. Closer to him.

The world blurs as you fight to stay conscious, your heartbeat growing stronger with each pass of the needle. You are no longer just sewing your body together—you are weaving the threads of fate.

With the final stitch, you open your eyes, the cold light of survival flickering within them.

At the battle,

Feixiao's voice remains cold, resolute. "You think this is about power? About the choices you've given me? You have no idea what I truly desire, Hoolay."

Her eyes narrow, flickering with a fierce determination. "When I was just a child, I stained my hands with blood for the first time, to escape the whips and chains of the wolf masters. But now... there's someone else who desires your end far more than I ever could."

Hoolay's smug expression falters slightly as he notices the sound of dragging footsteps, slow and deliberate, approaching from behind. The air thickens with tension, and a twisted laugh echoes through the stillness.

Slowly, you step into the light, the weight of your blood-drenched kimono dragging behind you. Your head, barely stitched back to your body, still leaks crimson, and your blood-filled eyes are locked onto Hoolay's, unblinking, as they cry red tears of fury. In your hands, a massive sword scrapes against the ground, leaving a trail of blood in its wake.

Hoolay turns to face you, and his eyes widen as he takes in the sight before him.

"You took everything from me," you whisper, your voice broken yet laced with unhinged laughter. "You killed me, made me a monster... But now, I've come back to return the favor."

Your gaze, hollow and wild, pierces through him. "Look at me, Hoolay. Do you see what you've created? The very thing you tried to kill, now stands before you."

Hoolay opens his mouth, but before he can speak, your manic laughter cuts through the silence. You raise the sword high, dragging it through the air with the strength of madness.

You shriek as the blade comes down with brutal force.

Hoolay barely has time to react as you sever his head clean from his body. It rolls across the blood-soaked ground as your laughter continues to echo through the empty space.

You stand there, blood dripping from your neck, your body swaying with exhaustion but refusing to fall.

Feixiao watches in stunned silence as you drop the blade to the ground and turn toward her, blood still streaming from your eyes.

"It's over," you whisper, a ghostly smile tugging at your lips. "Finally... it's over. For me, Feixiao..Listen to me...Don't let him control you!"

'Y/N, But....."

You held her and hugged her, "Jiaoqiu, trusted you to bring victory to Yaoqing.... I'll try my best to aid you....Too..Please let's finish this. After I'll leave him...Please..."

Feixiao gasps as her eyes snap open, the remnants of a terrible nightmare dissolving in the cold morning air. She stares at the ceiling of the tent, her heartbeat slowing. Her breath is shallow as she whispers to herself, "Our little hunting game ends here."

Her eyes flicker with renewed determination as she raises her hand to the sky. "Might of the heavens, wolf in my heart... come to me... We shall conquer as one."

She sits up, clutching the sheets, her eyes fierce. "My only enemy... has always been myself."

A familiar voice interrupts her thoughts. "General?"

Feixiao turns, her gaze landing on Yanqing, who kneels beside her, eyes wide with concern. "General, you're awake!"

Feixiao lets out a shaky breath, her mind still racing, but her focus sharpens as she looks at him. "Yanqing..."

But then, she turns her gaze beyond him, to you. You stand nearby, still covered in the remnants of battle, your hands held up in surrender. Your face, smeared with blood and grief, carries the weight of your request. "I killed him... Hoolay. He tried to control you, Feixiao. I stopped him. But now... arrest me. Kill me. I know you don't understand... I—"

Feixiao's gaze softens. She rises to her feet, stepping toward you, her movements slow and deliberate. You flinch, expecting harsh judgment, but what happens next catches you completely off guard.

Feixiao wraps her arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. You freeze, unable to comprehend her warmth, her acceptance.

"I know what happened," Feixiao whispers against your ear. "I heard the letter you gave to Jing Yuan. I know everything."

You tremble in her arms, your voice weak. "You... you know? But... I thought..."

She pulls back slightly, looking into your eyes with a gentleness you hadn't expected. "I know you did what you had to... Y/n, Thank you...."

[fallinforerling]

no doubts - jb

ೃ⁀➷ special note ❤️‍🩹 this is dedicated as a pre-birthday gift for the wonderful @808heartz ! you’re amazing and loved! happy birthday 🫶🏻

ೃ⁀➷ jude’s taglist

ೃ⁀➷ jude’s masterlist

ೃ⁀➷ masterlist

requested phrases:

1. “time to go home. now.”

20. “only you can make me feel like this.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Getting wasted wasn’t part of your plans; at least not at the beginning of the night. You were okay with staying sober most of the times you went out with your boyfriend and his friends, but today was a bit different.

You didn’t know if it was because he was around his teammates from the England team (whom he didn’t see much due to him living abroad) or the fact that he was just having fun by himself, but you felt like Jude was slightly pushing you away from the circle that his group formed in the center of the VIP area.

You recognized it might be a bit silly to get mad at it, since you were an independent person and could have fun without him… But you were pissed off anyway. So you took it upon yourself to make the night a memorable one.

First, you started a pretty nice chat with one of the sweetest guys around, Declan. He wasn’t very excited about dancing or chatting around a lot, so it was natural for the both of you, who were sitting on the sofas, to start a conversation; then, as the hours passed by and you were still like almost furniture to your boyfriend, you accepted the first of the night from Declan’s hands. From there, you let go.

Maybe it was the music, or how fun it was to just meet new people, but you ended up dancing with not only Declan, but a bunch of girls and boys that just joined along the way. This wasn’t your usual self, but dancing between a gorgeous girl and Declan was the most fun you ever had in a while. At least from your drunken perspective.

“Babe?!” Jude’s voice sounded like an echo at first, which you ignored while the girl named Sarah was still holding your hips. “Babe!”

After a few seconds, your eyes landed on your boyfriend’s face, which wasn’t showing a very happy expression. You smiled at him anyways, unaware of how many times he had been calling your name while standing right next to you.

“Hey!” You said without stopping your little dance next to your new friends. “What’s up?”

That question alone seemed to liberate whatever reason he had to be mad at you. He took your wrist with no actual force, separating you from Sarah, who groaned in annoyance.

“Hey! I was dancing with her!”

“Yeah? Well, I’m leaving with her.” Jude replied in a dry tone that surprised you.

“But I was having fun! She’s a very good dancer.”

“I don’t care about that. Time to go home, now.”

Something about his tone and his eyes made you kinda sober up. You stared at him for a few seconds that actually felt like an eternity, your brain trying to focus on what was going on. Nonetheless, you nodded, giving Sarah a last smile before letting Jude guide you towards the exit.

The cold weather slammed through your very uncovered body with such force that you started to tremble. Jude noticed right away, and while waiting for the car that was supposed to take you home, he took off his jacket, embracing you in a hug despite his seriousness.

“What’s wrong?” You dared to ask after a while, feeling intimidated by his unusual silence.

“Nothing.” He murmured back, not looking at you, but at the street.

You pursed your lips but decided to not do anything about it. You knew better than to push Jude when he was in a mood. He would just close more to himself.

Finally, the car arrived, and without a word, he guided you inside with the same care he always gave you. You half-smiled at the driver before pushing the button that made the thick glass that separated him from the back seat appear.

“Okay...” You slightly blurred out the words, sitting almost on top of your boyfriend, who seemed very concentrated on the street rather than on you.

Of course you noticed something was wrong. He was upset, but you didn’t know why. It didn’t make sense, you just were having fun on your own. He wasn’t that type of jealous, wasn’t he?

“Baby... Talk to me.” If you had to use the big guns to your favor, then you would. Without any shame, you let your body fall on top of his lap, making you smile when he gave you a surprised look before giving your hips a little squish while helping you stabilize yourself. “Are you mad at me?” You carefully touched his cheek, wanting his eyes on yours no matter what.

“I’m not mad at you.” He said almost immediately. “It’s just that... You seemed to be having a lot of fun back there with Declan and that girl.” His eyes were still anywhere but on your face, and you started to slowly realize what was happening.

Oh my god.

“Jude, there’s no reason to feel jealous.” You kept caressing his cheek, biting your lip to stop the smile that was creeping on your face. “I was just dancing with them because you were busy with your friends, that’s it.” With little force, you made him look at you. “Look at me, you know I’ll choose you over anyone without a second thought.” You gave him a long peck, and when you backed up, he was smiling a bit. Progress. “I thought you knew I had the most gorgeous boyfriend on the entire planet.” This time, you fully kissed him, making sure that your body was fully aligned with his.

He returned the kiss with the same force, making you whimper as low as you could. You were still in a car with a driver, for god’s sake.

His hands traveled across your back, landing on your ass so carefully that you thought he was scared of your reaction. But that was impossible. In exchange, you let your nails make a slow trail from his jawline to his neck, taking a hiss from his lips that made you smile.

“Baby...” He whispered against your lips. The look on his face alone made you almost forget why you were holding back.

“Don’t ever doubt what we have.” You kissed his lips one more time, not feeling the need to retrieve yourself from his lap. “Only you can make me feel like this, got it?”

He nodded, still looking at you with a drunken expression that wasn’t there before. You wondered if you had the same expression while looking back at him. You sure felt drunk from his smell and touch.

“I love you.” He finally said before grabbing you for another kiss.

Oh, and how you loved him.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚⋆·˚ ༘ * JUDE’S TAGLIST

@mentalbaddie | @taintedstranger | @mrs-dasilvasantoss | @mbapbaesluvr | @roses-arerosies | @cinderellawithashoe | @yoitsmo07 | @seajjin | @kakuchosbff | @peterparkerbae | @alwaysclassyeagle | @itsjuspenny-blog | @lbsmainblog | @youngjayla | @freetimemachinequeen | @chaeryeongstuff | @lazyreadergirl | @trentismine | @ironmaiden1313 | @wavessmile | @jul1ettt | @daydream-er | @citrusjunosart | @pierre-gasssllyy | @avianawrites | @topguncultleader | @blahhhhhbleeplop | @ricsaigasalec | @koufaxx

[eluxcastar]

First off, the new blog is so ✨️aesthetic✨️ I wanna eat it.

Second (since you're requests are still open)

Hear me out- Fatui Harbingers with a "tsundere" s.o

Or just Arlecchino,sandrone, and Childe with a "tsundere" s.o if that's easier!

Harbingers with a tsundere s/o

── ୨୧：harbingers x reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: me and my wavering ability to speak properly going off my head again about reader's absolute tomfoolery

୨୧﹑content :: gn reader, probably not actually tsundere reader atp, reader could be touch-starved

୨୧﹑words :: 1k

firstly thank you dear anon I'm still in love with this theme it just hits

ok so maybe this isn't totally tsundere reader (mostly because I find the trope insufferable I'm sorry) but it is kind of tsundere. it's the less explicitly rude type just swimming in egypt and unable to communicate

Let's go lowest to highest again and start with our favourite ginger Harbinger, Tartare Sauce. Tartaglia would find your antics entertaining, aware of your feelings as he always is but unwilling to give you the easy way out, provoking you, if anything, with little gestures and notes of affection to get your heart racing. Tartaglia treats it like a habit that you don't like to let him know how much you like his touch, though Tartaglia knows you treasure him. You just don't like it when he interrupts your work. That's when he gets a real earful.

Arlecchino thinks of your demeanour as an endearing trait, choosing to smile and go along with it, though both of you know that she knows the truth. Arlecchino will listen to your objections and laugh a little before making a knowing remark like, "Right, I forgot, you have no interest in kisses from me." just to watch you squirm and try to hint at her that you would like some after all. Still, you just can't bring yourself to say it without work, all to earn a kiss on the cheek as your precious reward.

Pantalone is liberal with his love for you despite your denial as he revels in every break of your facade. You are a challenge that he enjoys every encounter with, even when your rejection turns to wrath. It is a special moment of will he or won’t he does when Pantalone is faced with the idea of you tackling him to the couch in a fit over him interrupting your work. Pantalone does not mind if you get feisty and start to fight more than usual, became he laughs it off and carries on to melt that icy heart of yours with a little more warmth.

More than anything, La Signora thinks you are adorable like this. She will let you run around like a mouse chasing a block of cheese, then throw her love in here and there to see you become flustered. You like to deny that you want things from her until she does it, and then, suddenly, you don’t want her to stop. Signora thinks your displays of pouty resistance are endearing and doesn't like to leave you quiet—if you're not mad at her, she wasn't enough. However, she does wish that you are satisfied and often manages to talk you into giving some back.

As for Sandrone, she is a similar case. She doesn't want to admit she secretly wants to cuddle you every night, she just does it, and you better not dare draw attention to it, or you won't receive cuddles for the rest of the night. You have to be a little braver and work your way up to it because hell will freeze over before Sandrone becomes eager to budge. She takes your idea of a request surprisingly well, pushing it to start asking where your nighttime cuddles went, mostly because she stole your habit and asks what happened to her kisses when you’ve been slacking for too long.

Someone like Scaramouche wouldn't just give you what you want if you're going to behave like you won't. You have to work for it, and he won't be taking pity on you until you do. Scara would be willing to deprive you of everything because, secretly, he's a little bit more like you than he'd like to admit, though he's just mean. Scaradouche will have more patience for you as his lover but certainly not pity. He enjoys watching you think about it and consider your options, seeing the deliberation in your head, because he knows you want to, and that gratifies him.

Capitano's whipped nature on your side fr. You say leap he asks how high, so when you make a point to very subtly imply that you would like cuddles, you will be receiving them. You will end up smothered in that big coat of his where it's cozy and warm because he doesn't want you to get cold, even if you want that in public where he will gladly take it entirely off to wrap around you with a kiss on your forehead. It'll get you grumbling, but at least you'll not freeze to death doing it and probably be found wrapped up fast asleep in it later.

Columbina treats it like a funny little voice nagging at her and hardly pays attention to your attitude when she's smothering you. She does not give a shit. She'll find a way to shut you up about it quickly because Columbina knows damn well that you want to be doted on and just don't know how to admit it. She only asks to tease you and watch you get all flustered about it.

Next up, we’ve got Dottore, and by god, guess what, bb? You get to suffer because if you can’t articulate what you want, you’re not gonna get it. He will leave you to wallow in your own inability to admit the things you want from him because he likes it when you get to the point that you realise you have no choice but to initiate things and hope for the best. It depends entirely on his mood whether he draws attention to it or not because one of those means that he’s busy, and the other acknowledges that he can be a bit too cruel with how far he lets it go.

Pierro has absolutely no time for your shit. He may have all the time in the world rn, but he's old and fossilising and not a chance does he want to spend it on the intricacies of your emotional complexes. Sorry, but he’s damn well busy. Pierro doesn’t have time to pick apart whether you do or do not want to be kissed goodbye every morning or pampered for a bit when he gets home. Once you start mumbling out one response, it stays until you switch up and start asking where your goodbye kiss went because until then, you’ll be getting no more than a forehead kiss in your sleep before he leaves that you’re not fully conscious for just so you know he hasn’t forgotten you, maybe even helps you to sleep in a little better.

[beardedmrbean]

ITHACA, NEW YORK – Jewish Cornell University students reported that many of their peers on campus have been questioning their allegiances to left-wing student groups after some came out in defense of a professor who called the Hamas terrorist attack in Southern Israel "exhilarating." 

Fox News Digital spoke to "Cornellians" on background and on the record who said they were aware of a political shift among Jewish students. Some of them are questioning their ties with various progressive groups – and some with progressivism as a movement itself. 

"A lot of the students that come to Cornell are liberal, and I think this is making a lot of Jews that would consider themselves liberal really question that," a student studying statistics and computer science, who wished to remain anonymous for safety reasons, said. "What they will be doing is silently reflecting and shifting who they would vote for in the future…. They're paying attention to… the Republican primaries to see who supports Israel the most even though that contradicts their previous values." 

One of those students currently going through the dialectic – who has not yet found a political home – is Isaac Bloomgarten, a freshman studying engineering. 

CORNELL STUDENTS REACT TO SUSPECTED 'HAMAS FIGHTER' ARREST BY DOJ: 'TERRIFYING TO BE ON CAMPUS RIGHT NOW'

Bloomgarten said he feels "betrayed" by the left with whom he always stood. 

"I've always been an ally of the left. I've stood with LGBTQ people. I've stood with trans people, nonbinary people. I've always stood with them against forms of hate and discrimination. But I feel like they won't do the same for me," he said. 

He has seen some of those same friends, including those he considered close, "make posts commending Hamas for what they did, declaring them as freedom fighters and how they were liberating their people by murdering Jews." 

BILLIONAIRE HEDGE FUND MANAGER DOESN’T WANT TO HIRE HARVARD STUDENTS WHO BLAMED ISRAEL FOR HAMAS ATTACKS

"It's so hard to comprehend this level of hatred," he said. "And they sit next to you in class…I have to hope that people are just uneducated and don't know better and that they are not actually evil." 

Ezra Galperin, a freshman who plans to major in government, said, "I think people for good reason are very much questioning their involvement with progressive organizations on campuses that have effectively justified Hamas' invasion." 

CEO MARC ROWAN CALLS ON UPENN LEADERS TO RESIGN, ALUMS TO HALT DONATIONS OVER ALLEGED ANTISEMITISM

Galperin is questioning his ties to certain progressive groups on campus after some came out in support of Professor Russell Rickford. Rickford is currently on leave after saying he was "exhilerat[ed]" following the Hamas surprise terror attack that left 1,400 dead, including women, children, and elderly civilians. 

Galperin said the comments and the outpouring of support for Rickford was as "regressive as it gets." 

"I know without a shred of doubt that we as a Jewish community, we stand behind oppressed people… It's not all the progressive organizations on campus. I don't even know if it's most of them. But… we can't work with organizations that openly advocate for people who are exhilarated by the rape and murder of our families," he said. 

CORNELL PROFESSOR WHO WAS 'EXHILARATED' AFTER HAMAS ATTACK ISSUES APOLOGY FOR 'REPREHENSIBLE' REMARKS

Galperin added that he hopes progressivism will reform away from being willing to associate with antisemitic groups. 

"But I don't think any of us believe that that stops us from advocating for progressive things. You know, we can be Jewish and progressive. We can hold those beliefs… we're not going to let this stop us from advocating for a better world," he said. 

Amanda Silberstein similarly said Rickford's comments and student groups' responses are "causing some more progressive Jews on campus… to reevaluate how much they adhere to certain ideologies." 

Netanel Shapira explained that part of what is causing some of the shift is that Jewish students, who consider themselves a minority group, feel abandoned.

Shapira explained that he cannot support Black Lives Matter as an organization, though he does support Black liberation, because that particular political group is virulently anti-Israel.

"I find that pretty unfortunate if they're willing to side with people who are literally terrorists," he said. 

Shapira said he is not alone in questioning ties to certain progressive groups. 

"You want to believe that in a moment of despair where you were slaughtered, your people were raped, burned, murdered in cold blood, brutally on video with evidence. You'd like to think that the world was saying there is something wrong with that. And we stand by you in this moment of pain. Not only is there not that reaction. You have people who also have suffered horrible things in their history… justifying it. They're saying, ‘Oh yeah, it was fine because of X, Y, Z,'" Shapira said. 

Sam Friedman also said that Jews are feeling left out of progressive politics, causing them to ask themselves "serious questions" about their alliances. 

"The whole idea of the sort of liberal progressive movement is to be more caring and be more considerate of other people. But they're realizing that while a lot of minorities are getting good treatment… the Jewish people are not. They're almost treated… not worthy of consideration. And so I think… the progressive [Jews] are taking some serious questions… Either [to] make the progressive community more supportive… or be less involved." 

Josh Rosenheim agreed, saying Hamas alignments from some progressive circles may be causing "political realignments" among Jews. 

"I would hope we could go beyond scoring political victory points surrounding that issue and come together in the recognition that everyone, all students, should be safe on college campuses," he said. 

Another student speaking on the condition of anonymity, who is studying biology, said the progressive left co-mingling with Hamas supporters is not only causing Cornell students to question their political ties, but the wider community.

"I definitely think that that's been happening not just on Cornell's campus. I think in general Jewish people feel that," she said. 

[idontknowreallywhy]

Resurface 21 - Rely

What went before.

How do you prove you are who you say you are?

With a little dose of DINKY EARTH&SKY STORYTIME.

I agonised over the flashback being from Virgil’s POV rather than Scott who is supposed to be the one telling the story… but Virg very much took front and centre (is about time tbh cos it’s HIS story after all and Scotty keeps muscling in). So yeah it might be a jarring shift, hope you’ll forgive me if so and enjoy the mini earth & sky antics anyway xx

💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚

“Prove it.”

“I… what?”

“Prove you’re not Dad just trying to talk me down off the roof again so Scott has to leave without me.”

Scott’s blood was now red ice-slushie and his heart seemed to be struggling to pump it where it was needed. He was going to mess this up. He was going to let his brother down again. Was it even possible to logic him out of this? Probably not. But, now they were here, he had to try. He had to fix whatever it was that had prompted his brother’s fractured psyche to replace him with… a better version? His mind raced.

“Uh… ok. Ok! How about you ask me something Dad wouldn’t know.”

Virgil silently consulted to his left again, his eyebrows raising with a sudden idea. His head snapped back around and his eyes narrowed on Scott before he raised one finger to his own face and slowly drew a short line along the bottom of his jaw towards his chin. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to.

Scott had already unconsciously mimicked the action, tracing the marginally firmer texture of the almost invisible scar he carried there. A slight wash of relief ran through him as he realised he could answer this one very easily but their father could not have.

“Well it certainly wasn’t an argument with a barbed wire fence like we told Mom and Dad…”

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“The math works, Virgil! The lift from the drones will be just enough to support the two of us into a glide then the wings will do the rest.”

Virgil eyed Scott’s pride and joy with a bucketload of awe mixed with a few shovelfuls of suspicion.

The flying machine’s body was the old carbon fibre kayak, consigned to the garage long ago when their attempt to navigate the nearby stream in midsummer left it slightly… holey… in places. The two of them had manhandled it on to the roof via the internal ladder in the middle of the night about three weeks ago. The swarm of eight small tricopter-drones Scott had requested for his birthday were attached (four across the front, one each wing and two to the back) with lots of complicated-looking knots Virgil hadn’t learnt at Rescue Scouts yet but his brother had practised for hours to perfect.

The main event - the wings themselves - were an ingenious combination of fishing poles, some chicken wire fencing Scott had liberated from behind the shed and a patchwork of pieces of an old parachute Mom had stashed away for a rainy (or last minute fancy dress costume) day.

It did look impressive but also maybe a little more… home made… than Virgil had pictured when Scott had explained his Big Idea.

“I’m not sure your math is the same as real life, Scotty…”

“Sure it is! In high school you do real life math - it’s called physics and its all about balancing up forces with down forces. I checked my calculations with my physics teacher last week. She thought it was brilliant. It will work.”

“Did she know you were planning to do it in real life though?”

“Of course not, 11 year olds aren’t meant to be able to fly. It’d cause a fuss.”

“Hmm.” Virgil scratched his head and tried to figure out why the flying machine made him uneasy. It wasn’t just that the stitching of the parachute to the mesh was somewhat wobblier than Virgil had drawn in the neat plan they’d sketched together. nor was it the fact he could see daylight through some of the gashes in the boat.

“Did your sums include using duct tape?” Scotty had for sure used a lot. A lot of a lot.

“It’s really strong. Ever tried to unstick it from something? Impossible! Nothing unsticks what duct tape says should be stuck.”

“Ok.” Virgil’s voice was small because it was being squashed by big feelings. Some excited and proud ones. Quite a lot more scared ones. And some guilty ones.

And some deep misgivings about whatever “physics” was.

Since leaving them to go to High School Scott’s brain had been full of so many clever new things and he was so confident and excited. Virgil felt bad for not trusting him. After all, Scotty always made the crazy ideas work and then his eyes would twinkle with the annoying “told you so”. They always came out ok because Scotty wouldn’t let Virgil get hurt.

His big brother suddenly crouched down to look him in the eye. His eyes were soft behind the sparkle.

“You don’t have to do it if you’re scared Virgie. 11 years olds aren’t supposed to fly so I guess 9 year olds are even more… uh… not supposed to fly. It won’t matter, you could just watch instead and…” he frowned in thought “I would just need a weight about the same as you to strap to the seat behind… so the math still works. Hmm, maybe a rock or something…”

Scott trailed off and looked around them as if expecting to find a ideal Virgil-sized boulder just waiting there on the rooftop. Virgil hoped he wasn’t going to have to help carry one up the ladder.

Except, no. Of course he wasn’t. Scotty wasn’t going flying with a rock. Not while Virgil was around. His brother could always rely on him to always be right there at his side. He gave himself a little shake, put his hands on his hips and pulled what he thought might be a strong, reliable face:

“You need a wingman. That’s gotta be me. It can’t be a rock, that’s just silly!”

Scott beamed with obvious relief. “Alright short stuff, if you’re sure?”

Virgil was developing a talent for deadly glares and directed his best scowl at the lanky beanpole towering over him. His brother just seemed amused rather than appropriately terrified.

“I’m not that short Scott. I’m nearly as tall as Mom.”

“Yeah well Mom’s teeny. Dad calls her his Li’l Lightning Bolt cos…”

“She’s not! She told me we are the normal ones and you and Dad are secretly Sasquatches hiding from the FBI!”

Scott’s chirpy cackle was loud and long and Virgil glowed with pleasure at making him laugh, even if it hadn’t been his own joke originally. Then a little pang of worry hit him.

“Do you think they are alright?”

Scott squeezed his shoulder. “Of course they are, I promise. Baby Gordon just needs a bit of looking after at hospital because he’s even teenier than you...” Virgil gave him his best killer glare “… and Mom and Dad are just keeping him company. She’s alright Virgie.”

“Yeah.” Another squeeze then his brother stood up tall and together they surveyed the view.

Scott checked his new watch then licked his finger and put it up in the air. His very serious and important expression was a bit spoiled by his tongue sticking out to the side as he concentrated on working out the wind direction but Virgil suppressed the giggle. This was Scotty’s big moment.

“Alright, if we are gonna do this it needs to be now. Wind’s good and Grandma and Grandpa will be back with Johnny in about 20 minutes.”

“Aye aye Captain Scott!”

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[xecutivecucumber]

Executive Cucumber's thoughts on the Bad Batch episode 3×08 (spoilers after the cut)

Forgive me if these thoughts are less coherent than usually, I'm pretty freaking tired atm. Thoughts are as much in order as I can manage.

Firstly, this episode was a much needed, lower emotionally charged break from the last...seven episodes of the season. The thing about stories is that they can't be running at warp 9 the entire time. It will burn your audience out. Heck, I'm at a lower energy, transitiatory part of my long fic. So yeah, this episode didn't cause the emotional damage and stress that the last 7 did, but that's a good thing.

Omega has the neurodivergent ✨️leg jiggle✨️

Poor dear needs a hug and for someone to free the Tantiss clones.

PHEE MY QUEEN

Crosshair's face when Omega says 'liberator of ancient wonders' I love him.

Okay, I know that a lot of people are upset about Phee not being more emotional about Tech. I've got a few thoughts on that. My expectations going into the scene with her was that she wasn't going to be mentioning Tech. So when she did, I was really happy. She doesn't need to bring him up in the conversation, but she does.

So let's dive a little deeper into this. There are only two people who have brought up Tech without any prompting so far: Echo and Phee. Omega only mentions him when it's a direct answer to Crosshair's question. Hunter, Crosshair, and Wrecker have not mentioned him once by name. Now, I think this is because Echo and Phee have both known loss and know better how to handle it. The rest of the Batch hasn't, before Tech. We have watched practically all of Echo's loss, but not Phee's. However, we know that Pabu is a place for refugees, which Phee likely is. She's lost at least a home, if not family and friends. Add on top of that Phee is just in general a world wide person, and I think we can assume that she's someone who's got a more healthy way of processing grief than our emotionally stunted soldiers.

Something that you do with people that you've loved and lost is remember them. That's what I see Phee doing here. She's managed to process her grief in the last 4 months, and she's keeping the memory of someone she cared about alive by mentioning him in conversation.

So yeah. I liked that scene and it warmed my Tech/Phee loving heart.

Anyways,

Oooooh Fennec!!!

I love Crosshair not knowing anything but it also makes me sad.

Hunter: try to get Crosshair to get his hand looked at

Omega: what do you mean 'try'

Thoughts on Crosshair and Omega scenes:

What did my poor boy go through????

Poor man is probably resisting the idea that it's in his head because he already HAD a thing in his head that ruined his life

Omega: you don't like anything

Crosshair: true

Your honor I would die for them. Also I find his 'true' to be a little sad (and adorable)

OMG THEY'RE MEDITATING (and they have somehow stolen YET ANOTHER thing from my fic, this time before I've even gotten past the concept stage)

Omega: you missed a lot

Crosshair: I know

He's thinking of Tech in that moment.

Oh my gosh her hand on his and how he lets her move his hand THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL ME.

The Bad Batch says take care of your mental

Thoughts about Space Everglades:

I really loved Wrecker this episode. He really got to shine. He has the most banter with Fennec, he gets to do his demo thing, he freaking curb stomps space alligators, and he's the MVP in getting the bug man. It was really nice. Also, 'YOU HEARD ME!!!!' Let Wrecker go feral.

Bro, I really liked the bar music. I like seeing more of the music that plays in universe.

Wrecker and Hunter are definitely having flashbacks to Cid this entire episode. Except Fennec gives them more intel.

Fennec is a delight as always.

My prediction to who she's selling them out to? Ventress. And I don't think Ventress' intentions are bad.

So yeah, a solid episode! I'm honestly probably going to leave a lot of the star wars subreddits just to avoid everyone and their dog complaining about filler. Which this was NOT.

And as the next episode is called the Harbinger, I feel like this might be one of our last breaths before the plunge and everything goes sideways.

Oh, and in case you forgot. Tech lives ❤️

[pumpkin-spice-whump]

Therapy

okay this is low-key a short one, and not very eventful. Just Jesse branching out a little and going to therapy! (sorry if my writing of therapy sucks, every time i go to write this i totally forget how therapy goes lol) Also this is a chaos post but im trying to get into writing for jesse again. I miss him

CWs: bbu, therapy, grief, victim self blaming.

Masterlist

———————————–

Bree stared at the young rescue sitting across from her, in the den of Cooper Hernandez’s home. It was always a little nerve wracking, meeting with someone new. Would she be able to help them? Did they want to be helped? It was even more so meeting with an ex-pet. What kind of pain had they experienced? How deep did the conditioning go?

She’d met with clients who had gratefully and swiftly shed their previous identity, ready to take on the world as a free man or woman. And she’d also met with clients who had no interest in moving on, who were much more comfortable as a pet. It was freedom that scared them, it was healing they didn’t want. And she had no idea which one she’d get.

She met with Cooper before the session, so he could give her the low-down on what kind of person this rescue was. She learned that his name was Jesse, and that he kept it from his previous owners. She learned that he was roughly twenty years old. He was trained as a Platonic and worked for his buyers as a nanny. She learned that he left of his own free will, although he seemed to regret it ever since. He was severely physically abused and most likely sexually abused. He was having a very difficult time transitioning to his new life and leaving the family he lived with behind.

Throughout Bree’s five years of working with the pet liberation movement, she’d learned that Platonics and Romantics often had the most difficulty in moving on from their owners, regardless of if they left themselves or not. They were taught that they only existed to please their owners. They felt as if they’ve betrayed them by leaving, not saved their own lives.

She could feel this just from looking at Jesse. He looked miserable. He was thin, although she had no idea if that was a product of his time here or not. There were deep bags under his eyes and they were red rimmed, as if he was crying before coming in. He kept fiddling with his collar and looking at the door. He sat on the couch cushion furthest from Bree, which she was actually happy for. If he felt  he may be in danger with her, it was good that he would at least try to preserve himself. So many rescues don’t even bother.

When he first walked in she greeted him with a, “Jesse? Nice to meet you. I’m Bree,” which he nodded to, but he hadn’t said a single word himself.

Bree leaned back in her chair to give him space. She didn’t have a notepad in her hand -- she felt as if he might get nervous if she began to write things down without telling him what they were. “How are you settling in here?”

Jesse twisted his collar around his neck, staring at the carpet between them. “Fine.”

Bree nodded. “I know it can be difficult transitioning to such a new situation so quickly.” He didn’t respond. “Have you talked to any of the other rescues living here? Or Cooper and Contessa?”

He hesitated before answering. “Gwen.”

Bree smiled. “Gwen’s a great girl. Has she helped you settle in any?”

“Um. She told me to try this. To try talking to you. I mean.”

“Did she?” That was very nice to hear, actually. Gwen had her own reservations about therapy when she first arrived, but four months in she was opening up more than Bree even expected. “Why did she say that?”

“She said you would help.”

“What would you like help with?” Jesse glanced up at her for just a half a second, but even from that Bree could tell he was holding back tears. “She said you could help… with my girls. Help me feel better about-- about abandoning them.”

“The girls. The children you cared for?” He nodded stiltedly, quickly running a hand over his eyes. Bree pointedly took a drink of her water, taking her time with the lid to give him a moment to compose himself. “Well. I can tell you right now you didn’t abandon them. You saved yourself, Jesse. It’s something that’s not cowardly, but admirable. Do you believe me when I say that?”

He nodded immediately, not even trying to convince her he was telling the truth.

“You don’t have to lie. I know you don’t, and that’s okay. We’re going to work on it together, okay?”

He opened his mouth like he wanted to talk, but hesitated. Bree waited patiently. “I just -- I don’t. I just want to know if they’re okay.”

“Are their parents with them?”

“Their parents are divorced. They live with their -- their mother during the week. She has a nanny. I don’t know who will care for them on the weekends.”

“Their father? The nanny?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. But they--” He cut himself off, frowning deeply and swallowing hard. He was scared to cry. “They don’t know them like I do. They don’t care like I do.” He worked his jaw, twisting his collar around his neck. Bree could see the skin underneath, chafed and raw. She reminded herself that they will have to discuss other self-soothing techniques.

“Why do you say that, Jesse?”

He looked at her with such pure and sudden pain in his eyes, that Bree was taken aback. “They weren’t trained for it,” he said. “If I’m taking care of them, I know they’re getting the best care. I left them in hands that aren’t prepared, not like I am.”

“You think they’re unsafe because of that?”

“I know they are.”

She feels her eyebrows draw together. “How do you know that?”

“I--” he stopped again, thinking, looking over at the door. He lowered his gaze, wiping his eyes. “I just feel it.”

Bree’s hands itched for her notebook, but she didn’t reach for it. Instead, she watched him. Watched the way he was once again avoiding eye contact. Watched the way he was curled in on himself, protecting himself. The way he kept twisting that collar with one hand, and the other was knocking against the couch in a pattern only he knew. He was tense, like he could try to run any second. Bree knew, though, that even if he wanted to he never would.

“Did you leave of your own free will, Jesse, or were you taken?”

He swallowed. “I left,” he admitted, ashamed.

Bree nodded. “Why?”

“My owner--their father… he hurt me.”

“Did he hurt them?”

“No.”

“Ever?”

“No. Never.” He chewed his bottom lip. “He just -- he worked a lot. So he wasn’t home. But he never hurt them.”

“Do you regret leaving because you think he’ll start, or because you think they’ll miss you?”

“They’ll miss me,” he whispered. “I miss them.”

Bree smiled softly, but he was not looking up to see it. “But they will be okay. And they will heal. They’re children. You will miss them. I can tell you really loved them. But, Jesse -- what do you think would have happened to you in that environment?”

“What do you mean?”

Bree searched for the right words. She didn’t want to push him to this conclusion, she wanted him to reach it himself. “I mean… do you think you would have been safe there? With the man who hurt you?”

He shook  his head silently. Bree went to continue when he did speak up, albeit quietly. “He would’ve killed me. I think.”

She nodded. “Do you think the children will heal better from having witnessed you die -- or from knowing that you left to be somewhere safer? Don’t they love you too?”

“I think so. I -- I hope so. I love them.”

“So… can you agree that it was better for you to leave than to stay? That you’ve saved them a lot of heartache in the long run?”

He didn’t answer. They sat in silence as Bree’s watch ticked on. They used to have a clock in the room, but it was removed after it made too many rescues feel as if they were being timed and doing poorly. Eventually, Jesse nodded. One, quick nod, as if he didn’t want to do it.

Bree smiled again. “They have people to care for them. They will be okay. You had to take the chance to leave for you. Don’t you think you’re important enough to be safe too?”

“I don’t want to feel like this,” he confessed tearfully. “I feel so awful. Thinking about them and being here. I don’t want this.”

“Will you let me try to help?” Bree asked.

He glanced up at her, tears falling once again from bright blue eyes. “Okay.”

“Thank you, Jesse. I appreciate you trusting me. I want to help you.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean?”

He gave up on holding the tears back, letting them fall rapidly down his flushed face, chest heaving for breath he tried desperately to control. “Why would you want to help me? I’m -- I’m bad. I’m a bad pet. I ran away. I’m ungrateful here, I hide. Why?”

It was Bree’s turn to ponder a difficult question. “Because you deserve to feel safe, too.”

He didn’t believe her. She could tell. But he accepted the answer, leaning back into the sofa and wrapping his arms tightly around himself. She could only hope that he would believe her sometime soon. That he would choose to live his own life, and be his own person. That he would find an identity outside of being a Platonic.

That he won’t let his heartache destroy him first.

———————————–

Taglist: @mylifeisonthebookshelf @boxboysandotherwhump @hold-him-down@winedark-whump@melancholy-in-the-morning@castielamigos-whump-side-blog@cyborg0109

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

7+8 of hurt/comfort with glitchy red?

7) "Because nobody cares about me!"

8) "Because I care about you!"

..........

When Red finally managed to escape that game with your help, of course you weren't expecting him to become your best friend right away.

After all, he never really trusted anyone who managed to get ahold of the GBA with the hacked cartridge inside it--the latest person being you.

He thought you were just like the "others": players who'd mess around the code and force him to see things that caused his sentience to begin with..which set him on the path to a torturous existence he didn't ask for.

No matter how much he resisted, they'd always find a way to make the code work in their favor. And because of that, it took him a while to realize that you're only hacking the game to give him a way out. Yet he would still fight back and beg you to stop, insisting there was no point in saving him.

Yet by some miracle...you did.

As now he was in your room, looking down at the GBA and its cracked screen on the floor from which he emerged. It was a shock to see that tiny little machine was his prison since his creation..and to finally stomp on it and crush it to pieces felt liberating.

Except...

He still felt the same anguish as before, even as he stared down at the broken pieces.

You promised him that getting out of the game would bring him peace, and he decided to believe you and trust you, since you genuinely saw him as a person trapped inside that hellish thing.

That being said...why was his heart still full of hatred and misery?

Why didn't he feel better?

But as he began to realize he could actually interact with this world, he took one look at you...

And he felt rage overcome him as you stood there, not saying a word. You were simply surprised that your plan worked, and stunned that of course you managed to free him.

Though Red didn't see it as that at all. He thought you were afraid, or having second guesses.

He still didn't know what your ulterior motives were for helping him. But he firmly believed you were just going to abandon him now that you were "finished", seeing you back towards the door as he approached you.

He couldn't get to any of the players before, but now you two were on the same plane of existence.

This was his chance to exact revenge.

And that's what he did as he lunged at you without warning, easily overpowering you and leaving a deep scratch mark along your torso. It turns out, his glitchiness was still a part of him as he managed to unhinge his jaw and bare his teeth like a wild animal.

He thought being free would make him human...yet he felt the opposite.

"You said you'd fix me, but you LIED!!" He screamed, furious that his voice sounded the same as it always did: ran through a bitcrusher program. "Why do I sound like this still?! Why am I...still broken?!!"

"..R-Red..I..I only said I could help you get out." You tried to reason with the raging glitch that had you pinned against the wall. "I'm sorry if that wasn't enough but-"

"Oh, it was plenty enough." He huffed. "But I guess I should thank you...because now I can take my revenge on you sickos who tormented me for fun."

"I...wasn't tormenting you.."

"Yeah, but you reminded me of all that pain. Honestly..I think freeing me was the stupidest decision of your life-"

"It's true I've made tons of stupid decisions, but..th-that wasn't one of them. I wanted to help you."

Blinking in surprise, Red raised an eyebrow. Though he just scowled at you again, unwilling to let his guard down. "No...you don't mean that. You only freed me so I'd shut up about it...so I'd stop haunting your stupid little game. No sane person would do that out of "kindness"."

"That's not true." You huffed, annoyed that he was refusing to believe you after all you've done. "What makes you assume I don't care-?"

"Because nobody cares about me!!" He snapped. "Nobody has for years, and they never will. So just stop pretending...it'll make this easier for the both of us." His hands went to your throat.

Yet despite knowing he could easily snap your neck, you refused to fight back or even struggle a little bit. And he quickly noticed this, frowning. "What's wrong? Too scared to fight because you know you lost? Because you know you shouldn't have freed this monster?" He taunted.

"You're not a monster-"

"STOP LYING!!"

"...I'm not lying to you, Red." You firmly insisted. "I believed you were a real person from that start. I couldn't leave you in that game to suffer! I spent days trying to figure out the coding. I lost sleep over this, but you still think I don't give a shit, huh?"

Finally, you managed to catch him off-guard with that response. And for the first time...he began to wonder why he was doing this to you.

All you've ever wanted to do was help him.

And this is how he repays you?

Still, he doesn't understand the "why" of it all. Why you'd lose sleep over someone like him..or why you don't seem afraid anymore.

You must've wanted something for sure.

"Why go through all of this for me?"

"Because I care about you!" You blurted out, embarrassed but relieved to get the truth out to him. "I never stopped caring since the day you talked back to me. I-I know I can't make you forget what you've been through...or find the people who made you this way, but...I just wanted to give you a better life in this world. That's all."

"And you...want nothing in return?" Red blinked, feeling himself calming down from his rage.

"Not a thing." You smiled a bit, showing him you were sincere. "I know you're angry and hurt, and I'm an easy target. But I promise I won't leave you like they all did. You can stay with me as long as you want."

"...you won't throw me out?"

"Why would I do that?" Gently, you put your hands over his gloved ones, slowly bringing them away from your neck. But you didn't let go of them, holding them tightly. "But there you have it...that's the real reason I wanted to let you out. So we can be together and you can be happy."

For a while, he didn't say anything back, as he had averted his gaze to the ground. Though moments later you heard a sniffle, which worried you.

Especially when you saw small water droplets splattering onto his shoes.

"Red?"

Reaching over, you gently cupped his face, making him look up at you. Not only was he completely free of glitches...but he was also crying.

At last, he showed vulnerability.

"It's okay," you reassured him, happy that he was finally willing to trust you. "You're safe now. You won't be abandoned ever again."

Tears streamed down his cheeks, some of which you gently brushed away with your thumb. He sniffled again and nuzzled against your palm, slowly becoming addicted to this feeling of comfort.

It was so foreign...yet it felt so right.

"..s-sorry, now I feel like an asshole after all that stuff you said." Closing his eyes, he just tried focusing on your kind touches, trying to forget about all the pain he endured. "It just..hurts so much. I'm tired.."

His head fell against your shoulder, but you just rubbed the back of it, letting him rest for as long as he needed to.