#how tf . can i see you do any research . can i witness you do any work .

[gayemoji]

for how bad killing eve got the books are infinitely worse.

[thefirstknife]

Final Veil Log!

Osiris: I've reached the extent of what I can glean from the research data. Nimbus: What've we got? Osiris: Less than I'd hoped for. But the last of Chioma Esi's research has led me to an intriguing topic: Ghosts. Nimbus: Ghosts? As far as I know, Neomuna never had any contact with a Ghost before you all showed up. We knew about them, but… Osiris: Precisely. Chioma Esi was researching the entanglement of Light and Dark without fully understanding either. Our Ghosts are a link to the Light of the Traveler. Then how was the Witness able to — on numerous occasions — communicate through them? Nimbus: Is this about the, uh, the magnets thing? The parallel energy fields, right? Osiris: Very good. In areas of Darkness, the Witness is able to create a link, not unlike what it created with the Veil and the Traveler. Nimbus: Ah, like the Vex are able to hack into the CloudArk with their tech! It's a parallel connection. Osiris: And I believe that connection may not be one-sided. I believe that our Ghosts may be able to leverage this connection against it. Nimbus: Turn the enemy's weapon against 'em — well, that sounds great. But how? Osiris: That… I do not know. But what I do know is that while the Witness is out of our reach, it is also out of the reach of our Ghosts. Which means whatever lies beyond that portal — whatever is inside the Traveler — has left the Witness blind to OUR actions. Nimbus: And given us an opportunity to make a plan without it knowing. Osiris: Precisely! The Witness has played all the pieces it can. This is its final act, win or lose. Whatever we do from here determines the fate of everything. Nimbus: No pressure.

Super interesting questions that tie back to the whole idea of the Light and Darkness not being opposites and everything in the universe functioning by being able to use/channel them both. Probably going back to the theory that the Veil and the Traveler were once a single entity.

Interesting stuff about the Witness not being able to see what's going on in the system. Previously we didn't know about it, but then we got lore from Xivu talking to the Witness (in Deep) while the Witness was in the portal. And Xivu was able to report to it and the Witness reported back. So the Witness can't see outside of the portal on its own... But can if something deliberately seeks it out. Obviously our Ghosts won't do that so it can't reach back to them.

Similarly, with the new season stuff, Mara said that the Sol Divisive are acting as the Witness' eyes and ears in the system while it's away, but we honestly have no clue what the Vex are truly doing and I'll talk about that in another post. Either way, it seems like the Witness can't reach to us now, not through Ghosts.

This might be some stuff preparing us for whatever wild shit we're gonna learn in TFS in regards to the Light, the Traveler, Ghosts and the rest. Ghosts are capable of also channeling Darknes, much like the Guardians. It shouldn't be a surprise, but it's still intriguing that there's such a direct connection. Also interesting to know that our Ghosts might be able to seek out a connection to the Witness as a form of a weapon.

A lot to think about.

[valkyrieofsmut]

Mk so the previous ask of mc with a kid got me thinking, what about pregger mc who’s boy friend/husband/father of the child ditched her upon finding out she was pregnant and because of being pregnant she was one of the first to get canned at her job (since from what I recall it’s unaviable to have that kind of job while carrying) when they started making cuts and with her being unable to pay rent and the ‘no kids’ policy of her apartment complex she had to move into her trailer at the boys land >:3.

Um... I’d love to answer all of this/ more exactly to the question... but I have a few problems here for understanding... That whole first part, easy to understand, got it... The part about her being one of the first to go: she was, in the story; they don’t care if you’re preggs or not, they only care about how much money they’re spending to pay you. So it definitely wouldn’t matter if she was pregnant, they don’t care, and any risk is defined as risk you took; they’re not liable (not like you could really prove much, anyway). And lastly, the “no kids” policy? ...? Where tf do you live that has that?! It’s been illegal to refuse to rent to anyone because they have kids since 1968 due to the “fair housing policy”! I! I don’t know, but if you’re living somewhere they’re telling you that, look that shit up and let them know you know. Fuck them! They can’t do that shit to you! (there is an acceptance for places classified as “retirement/ old age/ whatever tf” but she couldn’t live there because she’s not old enough, anyway.)

Other than that stuff, I see it just as a “what if MC was pregnant when she got there and asshole left her” question, so I’ll answer that.

Classic- He doesn’t even really think about it for a long while, not even when she starts showing. It literally takes until she can’t walk anywhere without having to try to catch her breath/ not being able to stand for long/ about to go into labor (aka very pregnant) until it is something that he even has to keep reminding himself, just so he doesn’t get irritated that she can’t keep up. And then when she goes into labor, it suddenly comes to him- there’s going to be a tiny human here soon! Fuck! He needs to do something, doesn’t he?! Where do humans have babies?! Right. The hospital. Ok. Panic over. He’s going to get her there right now.

Creampuff- She’s mated? Oh... her mate left... unfortunate... Humans don’t live in such a small community that they can all just stay around each other and raise their children together like they sort of did in the Underground. He’s not sure exactly how humans do it normally, but monsters all pitch in, and he’s ready to help! He likes kids! They’re so amazed at the world around them and look up to him, and are so sweet! He’s always glad to help with the little one when they get here, and until then, he’s going to make sure that she’s as comfortable as possible, almost to the point of being underfoot, like the stereotypical nosy mother in law.

Red- Eh, kid ain’t here, yet- and that means he’s got free range, since there’s no chance that he’ll knock her up! He is his same self, flirty, trying to get in her pants, just normal Red! And then she starts showing. And he spends lots of time watching her baby belly. Any time anyone ever even curses around her, he yells at them, completely missing the hypocrisy. “what th’ fuck ya sayin’ shit like that ‘n front a the kid fer?! shut yer yap!” The more she shows, the more he’s by her side and doesn’t want to leave. More invitations for nights of just cuddles than orgasm relief start coming. He... likes touching her belly... and imagining that it’s his kid in there... don’t fuckin’ tell anyone! He really is a family kinda guy when it gets down to it, and he’s going to be one of the first to offer to help with the kid, and not in the helpful friend kind of way that Creampuff is. He’d... “uh... like ta have one wit ya, too... whadda ya say, sweetheart?”

Edge- It does not affect him, until it does. When she starts to get cranky and irritable from being pregnant, he’ll be wary of her, but he’ll also seek her out at times, because he knows that yelling and arguing helps when you feel so aggravated. Yep, he’s actually trying to help (Y/n) relieve some stress when he's arguing with her. His brother isn’t around to do it, and- ... he... can’t bring himself... to offer that kind of stress relief after being the cause of a lot of her irritation for so long... He hopes that she’ll be able and/ or willing to move past that after the baby is born. When she goes into labor, he seems completely cold and in control, belittling those around him for being stupid as usual- but inside he’s really freaking out. When the baby is born, he’ll be walked in on holding the baby, looking parental, maybe... almost... maternal...? Breath a word of it to anyone, and you’ll be regretting your own birth...

Blue- He’s smarter, and more mature, than people give him credit for! And that’s going to show itself in the way he fights with Red while trying to get her “nest” ready. He always “just happens” to find things that would look great in the lodge! And some of the ladies at work were talking, one’s niece was going to have a baby, too! And he heard that you need to have this specific type of thing when you’re having a baby! And he just happened to see it while he was at the store, and thought he’d save her the trouble of having to get it later when she’s all achy and sore! Spoiler, he’s actually joined some mom groups and has started asking the ladies at work about when they’d had their kids and is doing a lot of research. He wants to make sure she’s as prepared as she can possibly be! And... all the while, he’s going to be working himself into her life so that after the baby is born, it’ll just be natural for him to be around! And then he’ll just- stay there... in her life... and it’ll already be like they’re mated by the time he actually asks her.

Stretch- He’s not phased by it- until she gets to about the third trimester and is really showing. He hangs out around the lodge a lot, “just happen to be workin’ in the lab a lot lately.” He’s pretty chill, hanging in the background, but he’s, y’know... keepin’ a socket out for her... incase she needs anything, or anything happens... humans are fragile, after all, and that’s a complicated stage to be at... He’s not going to be in the foreground helping, like some of the Papyri, and he’s not going to be doing things behind the scenes, like some of the Sanses, he’s actually the one worried that he’ll break the kid, despite knowing, scientifically, that he won’t. He’s doing what he can to make sure the baby’s doing well and is taken care of, though- even if it is mostly by “casually” mentioning to Blue that something needs to be done or gotten- his bro is better at that stuff, anyway.

Black- He doesn't quite notice at first- not that he doesn't know, just that whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing. So he doesn't really take it into consideration, after all, she's a human; she'd know her limits when pregnant better than he would, wouldn't she? He starts doing research to see if there's something he should look out for and finds so many troubling things! Humans die from this?! They could be hospitalized?! They could lose the baby if something as small as that happens?! Yep... he's fallen into webMD... He's now going to make Mutt do everything for her while he keeps her by his side to stop her from getting hurt.

Mutt- It doesn't really matter to him. The kid isn't there, yet, so it sounds like the perfect time to be trying to get her to keep her pants (and the rest of her clothes) off and stay in bed with him all day, every day. If he does manage to get her in bed (or she gets the pregnancy hornys and takes him up on his open offer), he's not pulling out. All his magic is going inside of her. He thinks it's so fucking sexy, until he realizes that he's poured all his magic into her and... possibly her kid... um... oh... And now the kid is also his. Whether he was there to start the kid or not (obviously not, since she was already pregnant when they met), his magic is all over the kid, and he wouldn't be surprised if the kid turns out to be a mage.

Axe- When he first sees her, he doesn't know, or care. It really doesn't affect him other than being a bonus tastey treat inside... When he gets to know her, and she starts to show, it changes. There are two responses to pregnancy in the Underground; the fear of having another mouth to feed, of losing them before you even name them, due to the famine- but, before everything went to hell, pregnancy meant hope. It meant future... And with plenty of food around- it reminds Axe of that. He will begin stockpiling food, it will be everywhere. He will come make (Y/n) eat, even if he has to come ask her to make a meal for him, and then slowly trick her into eating most of it. She’s going to gain a lot of weight if she’s not careful.

Crooks/ Bun- He jumps on that the moment he finds out, even if she's not showing. He uses it as a reason not to hurt or eat her when reasoning with Axe, he holds her forth as a symbol of hope and future. He still becomes her best Bun! But he's also like the one who goes to all the classes and everything with her, Lamaze classes, shopping for everything she could need... He is there for her. And also... maybe... mother henning her a bit- but only in the good ways!

Dusty- It really doesn't cross his mind at all, until there is visible evidence; she starts showing. And then he's pretty weirded out that there's a baby- an itty bitty human, growing inside her. He keeps a wary eye on her, and especially after she delivers. He’s very nervous about what havoc this little one could wreak! ... but then... he realizes that... with this one starting out brand new, without any pre taught awfulness... he could teach it- he could train it how to be good... and then he has a little bit of hope...

Ask Masterlist?

[demiiharperr]

Broad City

things you didn’t know or might’ve missed(part 1):

season 1 ep 1: the first mention of “the Abbi who stole a car”. we later hear about her while her and Illana are on molly

in the beginning of the series Danielle is a lot more lively and we get a glimpse at the low key freak she is

s1ep1 is the start of Abbi’s crazy medical lies. she can never tell a simple white lie, she goes full extreme.

i still have yet to research whether or not “What a Wonderful World” is a slave song.

WE NEVER SEE MELODY!

Lincoln brings up such a great point- WHO TEACHES THE BUCKET DRUMMERS?!

they never succeed in meeting Lil Wayne. such a bummer.

s1ep2 Cheese’s swinging earlobes. so gross. then she goes on to pop a pill and down it with some wine. classy.

s1ep2 the first look at Illana’s bestiality fetish. she says she’d have sex with a dog that her and Abbi see in the park because she’s attracted to his huge balls.

s1ep2 when Illana goes to mail her parents her taxes, she actually throws the envelope in the trash can instead of the mailbox

s1ep3 is the start of Abbi’s lie about training Shania Twain (love her)

i can’t make out what Illana’s tattoo is of!

s1ep3 Trey gives Abbi a treatment for her “sickness” called “Cellular Confusion”:

- run a quick 5k (who tf is running a QUICK 5k?!)

- take an 8 minute nap

- wake up, do a shot of Echinacea (whatever that is)

- then jump right into an ice bath(ouch)

- immediately after that, suck on some ice chips (i actually love ice chips! probably because i have low iron)

- then urinate as hard and as fast as you can

- eat a full onion

- rub the onion underneath your armpits, any kind of gland, any kind of mucal cavity

- “then you just gotta veg”

I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A THING AND IF IT WORKS!!

s1ep3: the start of the running gag of Illana making a phone call while in the middle of already having a conversation with someone else. in this episode she makes a phone call to Abbi while in the middle of talking to Linda, the temp agent.

s1ep3 the first time we hear about North Brother Island. An island that Abbi didn’t even know existed until she had to go in order to retrieve Jeremy’s package.

Garol eating yogurt... i could be sick just thinking about it.

The running gag of “you should label every side” first starts with Bevers and Abbi’s cheese. Then again with Illana and Linda’s gum in a jar for a “Guess How Many” Contest.

s1ep3 Bever’s ACTUALLY refers to himself as Abbi’s roommates boyfriend.

s1ep3 spending too much time on the toilet actually can cause hemorrhoids. which sucks because i love sitting on the toilet with my phone. that’s my ME time.

Bed Bath & Beyond coupons DONT EXPIRE!

s1ep5 we first meet Illana’s old roommate, Parker. it’s weird that Illana remembers her name because in a later season we see that when they were roommates, Parker was participating in a loft meeting with 2 other roommates and they are discussing their issues with Illana. One of the issues being that Illana refers to ALL of the roommates as Madison.

s1ep5 we are introduced to Abbi’s classic BLUE DRESS!

s1ep5 we are introduced to Illana’s clip in hair extension/ braid. we see it again in ep10 for Abbi’s birthday.

s1ep6 Abbi calls out Illana on her racism. “sometimes you’re so anti racist that you’re actually really racist”

jaime goes through these episodes of truth telling. they’re emotional for him and funny for us.

s1ep10 we see the blue dress again

a chard is a leafy green vegetable

a ramp is a species of wild onion

the google translation of “joie de” is “joy of”

wikihow how to properly remove a condom if it happens to get stuck inside of you. it’s educational but, disturbing.

s2ep1 we witness a woman referring to Abbi as Val on the subway. later to be revealed as Abbi’s alter ego.

Garol (the disgusting yogurt eating woman) actually pops up a couple of times. Once at a sex shop where Ilana is shopping and Garol is checking out a monster cock dildo.

Abbi has these crazy handshakes with with the employees at BB&B and her dad while Ilana always stands there confused.

S2E1 Seth Rogan is the guest star as “Male Stacy” who passes out during sex with Abbi due to heat exhaustion. Making Abbi technically a rapist.

[alo-piss-trancy]

SD/R2 OMO HEADCANONS (Pt1)

Decided it was probably time for me to post a list of my omo hcs for this game since I did the THH chars! Like with the other list, I'll be excluding a couple I have no interest in thinking of omo content of (in this case, Hiy/oko and Teru/teru). I'm breaking this one into multiple posts throughout the week as I compile my thoughts (I'll add a link to all of them on the fic masterlist page later so you can find them all) because I feel this is gonna be a lot longer than my THH post haha!

Here we go, the first 3 (or 4) chars! Please stop reading now if you don't want spoilers for the game bc there will be several!!!

~~~

Gun/dham:

* I firmly hc him as vegetarian (not vegan. He will consume byproducts like milk/cheese/eggs/etc, but only harvested himself or from small farms/sources that he has personally vetted/researched where he knows 100% that the creatures are treated ethically.)

* That's actually not omo-related besides milk oops but it relates to my next point, which is that for the most part he prefers Natural food/drink. Water, fruit or vegetable juices/smoothies, etc. He's not really used to strange 'Human' confections like soda or coffee, so the caffeine and diuretics hit him hard and fast and make it difficult for him to estimate how much time he has. It also makes him jittery/hyped as hell which Does Not Help.

* As long as he isn't screwed over by caffeine or a ton of drinks, he has a decently strong bladder and can hold for a long time. He has a lot of practice from hiding/waiting to help certain animals, laying trapped under sleeping cats/dogs, etc. And also avoiding public restrooms like the Plagues they are for most of the day...

* He's bladdershy AF and has been since early childhood. I saw he had signs drawn on the doors/curtain in his room during my playthrough (including the bathroom) and that is definitely his safezone. Can't go outside either bc 1. He's paranoid he'll be seen by other ppl and 2. That feels disrespectful to the nature deities despite the logic that animals do it all the time. He knows that's dumb and he hates himself for it.

* Sometimes I do like to ignore the bladdershy hc just for some variety. Even in that case tho he'd still be a bit of a diva about which public bathrooms he uses. If it's gross or weird he's gonna avoid it/complain/refuse to go even if bursting. He's stubborn af

* We all know he canonically goes commando. Therefore he is in extra danger because any leaks will go straight to his pants RIP Since he usually wears black it isn't that visable (as long as it's just a bit and not a full wetting), but if he ever has to wear smth else u know he's screwed c':

* He's not very vocal when desperate at all. Mostly strangled whines or grunts (only when alone or if so urgent he can't hide it), he's just so easily embarrassed that he can choke most sound.

* He can also hide his body language pretty well. He can manage to keep himself to rigid posture and the occasional shudder or fidget if needed. Only when he's beyond caught and about to wet will he resort to obvious grabs or dances in front of others.

* Even if he wet he wouldn't cry (I don't seem him crying much for anything tbh, barring extreme things like death). He's angry at himself and extremely ashamed. He would get red as a tomato, attempt to slink away and avoid any witnesses for several days. Could get snippy or hide in his shell all pitiful, depending on the person.

* When alone or sure he can't be caught, he'll fidget more once things are dire. Mostly his long-ass legs. Jiggling, crossing, bending at the knees or bouncing up and down, shuffling from foot-to-foot, everything. He doesn't really do much with his hands beyond a quick crotch-squeeze.

* He'd def let Haj/ime or So/nia dom tf out of him as far as making him hold/lose control, he's submissive and enjoys the challenging test of limits. However, I could also see him totally having a thing for 'marking' his partners during the times he doms.

So/nia:

* Lowkey has a bladder of steel tbh, tho you'd never expect it by looking at her. It takes a lot to get her desperate and even more for her to crack enough to show her needs to others.

* She had a lot of long lectures/lessons, meetings, social events, formal balls, etc. growing up, so she just got used to waiting a lot between breaks so as not to interrupt or be rude to her guests. This also makes her wicked good at remaining completely calm on the outside and keeping the quiver out of her tone even when she's absolutely dying.

* Even once people know her problem, she would NEVER grab herself or dance. Literally the most you'll get out of her is legs crossed at the ankles. For the most part the only sign of her desperation is the slight fullbody shivering where she has her muscles and posture strained. If you're very lucky she may wince or her voice will start shaking/get breathy (her breathing gets super fast and shallow when at her absolute limit. Like nearly hyperventilating fast).

* While not shy at all about asking/telling others where she's going, she was raised with manners. She refuses to interrupt while others are busy, and will wait until she feels the time is appropriate to but into convos or leave the room, even if that could take a long time. She will not skip out on a group task if she can help it bc she feels very strongly about doing her part and not coming off as a slacker (so group investigations/new island exploring/building for Us/ami in Island Mode are all LONG tasks she will force herself to stick out without complaint, even if she's about to wet herself).

* Despite being a princess, she definitely doesn't view anything as being 'beneath' her. If someone asks her to just go outside/in a sketchy place/strange receptacle, she'll do it without question as soon as they agree to glance away. In fact, sometimes it's actually a little thrilling.

* If she did wet herself she would certainly be embarrassed, maybe even teary-eyed depending on the situation/who was around. However, it certainly isn't the end of the world for her, and she would be able to brush it off fairly easily once she got cleaned up and had a chance to breathe. Could probably start making jokes about it by the next day, or just wait patiently for everyone to forget about it.

* Probably has a big piss kink (for others. She isn't much on doing holds herself, minus an occasional 'Damsel in Distress' type roleplay). And honestly just a big one for domming others (sometimes sweetly, sometimes cold/cruel like True Royalty). She looks cute but She Nasty (tm). Gun/dham and Haji/me (to a lesser extent, bc his smart-ass take-no-shit attitude makes him a bit of a brat sometimes lol) are her bitches.

M/ikan (I have to split hers in two bc I have polar opposite hcs) :

Non-Despair M/ikan -

* Is every bit as shy uwu ohnoooo~ as you'd imagine. Super blushy and fidgety and teary-eyed but never admits what's wrong even once it's obvious, to the point of potty-dancing in place (but she's Totally Fine she can hang in there and doesn't need to stop what she's doing)! You literally have to drag her away to the bathroom if u don't want her to have an accident. Would rather die than inconvenience anyone by telling them she has to go, will berate herself for the inconvenience when that backfires and she's made a mess of herself, 120% convinced everyone hates her and p much refuses any comfort bc she's so trapped in the spiral. Bawls her eyes out.

* If on a rare occasion she does work up the nerve to speak up and is denied, that's it. She will not dare ask again even if the person didn't realize how badly she had to go. Nope. Clearly her only option is to hold it until she can't anymore, or until she's alone and can run off by herself.

*Also she totally would whimper to herself in The Worst omo video star voice lmao "Oh noooo I'm leaking into my panties~, it's cOmIng OuTtttt~ uwu uwu uwu" (i'm not making fun of those istg but u know Exactly what 'sexy baby' voice I mean. That is Mi/kan. Don't be so fake bitch We Know u didn't fall spread eagle naturally)

* Says 'Potty' unironically. It's the only word she uses for the bathroom.

* Surprisingly not bladdershy at all. She's actually the opposite. Will go Anywhere (but will be embarrassed while doing it).

* She's used to holding a lot bc afraid to leave class/stuck helping patients for hours on end. However while she has a wicked high capacity and stays very hydrated, she has pretty shaky control. Leaks A LOT, be it in general or bc she gets startled/nervous. She's like a chihuahua lmao. She wears medical liners when on duty as a nurse or during school, but for general hangouts she forgoes them (totally bc she forgot and Not bc she wanted to show her wet panties off to strangers/peers when she falls again, that would be Slu/tty and Improper).

* Once held for ages and then ended up wetting herself just bc Hiy/oko told her to. It wasn't actually a request, just a one-off snippy comment that H forgot about like 10 min after she said it and walked away. When she found out Mi/kan took it seriously she absolutely lost it laughing for the next few days

*Her potty dances include lots of thighs rubbing together/hunching over, hands wandering dangerously close only to pause and grip her skirt/dress hem, hopping from leg to leg and shaking at the knees. She's pitiful when desperate and very cute. Pants and whimpers near constantly, nibbles at her knuckles to try and muffle it.

* Knows when she's at risk of actual damage from holding, but it's still a 50/50 shot of whether she'll break down and go or keep trying to hold. She knows it's unwise, but due to her complete lack of self worth she doesn't really care if her own body is damaged.

* That said, she monitors everyone else very closely and will harass them firmly to take breaks if they're at risk.

Despair/True Mik/an -

* MASSIVE PISS KI/NK. Loves to be dommed/told to hold until she wets. LOVES to do the same to others and tell them all the mean things for a change. She will borderline Break You.

* Takes great satisfaction in watching others struggle. If given an opportunity to make others desperate/prevent them from getting to a bathroom without revealing herself, she will definitely take it. She has no sympathy.

* The Queen of lacing things with diuretics, but can also often find that boring/too easy. A bit disdainful of that method tbh.

* Tying ppl down to hold or hooking them to IVs and 'misplacing' the call button is more her style.

* Used to hold for Jun/ko a lot to appease her. Would be willing to hold for Na/gito, but tbh he's just as willing to hold for her so it's a bit of a stalemate and they've yet to work out who does what.

* Will piss on her victim/lover while staring them directly in the eyes. Does not flinch. She toes the line between sexy and just plain creepy lol

[flameontheotherside]

My Own Ascension & The End

It’s my understanding that everyone's is different. I don’t take the lists people make seriously. They do have SOME merit but not real particular order. It’s kind of a waste of time to worry about it IMO.

I’ve always been kind of intuitive like from the time I was aware. Seen and talked to dead people and see deceased animals like my mom’s dead dog. That was the last time I think I saw plain as day. Seeing them creeps me out. It still creeps me out and I DON’T want it back. God can keep it. Nuh-uh, no thanks, bye!

My skepticism change over time.

I’ve spoken to psychics kind of obsessed with why I felt the need to find this “person” and why did it feel urgency. The urgency had gone away when Erik died. It was later that everything each psychic said to me was pretty true from meeting him by a body of water (in my dreams he was associated with water), that I had some kind of connection with some kind of “love sector” (Yeah WTF is right), I specifically asked about this person who I called my “long-distance boyfriend”.  That the one I was looking for was going to leave and there was nothing that could be done about it. This was around the summer right before his death. I crawled into my closet and cried my eyes out. I just knew it was him. That I also failed to find him. That my life was over and I literally felt like dying. What was I living for? Like what’s the point?

After his death I felt my life was over.

The urgency I felt to find him had gone away. Since I just turned 20, I’d been sneaking alcohol and getting shitfaced at karaoke bars and house parties. I just wanted to forget about him! I covered up my pain with wise-cracks, un-serious relationships, being a drama queen, doing things I should have gotten arrested for, and getting high. I didn’t care if I lived. Even while medicated, I just didn’t care. I picked up a few “boyfriends” and I felt nothing. I only did it because I was starting to see my friends dwindle away one by one with families of their own. So to forget about the pain, I tried to have serious relationships. I became in denial that Erik was dead. Like the clock had long since stopped ticking. I became a wreaking time ball. I realized these men were just mistakes. I didn’t really love him because somehow I loved that thing which followed me around and I did feel him with me for real. I just was afraid to find out. 

My experience didn’t begin to accelerate until Erik died. 

I remember laying down and being freaked out seeing my chakras open up. I felt and saw each one. I wasn’t very educated on chakras. When it became too much, I ran out of my room like a bat out of hell or I wasn't really educated any of the stuff. But I knew a little. Since then I had repetitive dreams seeing him exactly as he was. Again, only I didn’t know it was him until much later. The same dream of being at some kind of pool party, beach, lake or whatever. I was with friends I never seen before I only found out where my friends from “home”. It was always fun but sometimes the water was murky, shallow or deep. It’s symbolism on my spirituality. I was teetering on and off “the path” since the dreams because. The water had much to do with where I was in life. If I was miserable, it was shallow and murky, murky, or just shallow...You get the idea. The water got deeper I got close to meeting Erik. I remember being told to get in a few times. I also remember when I was about 12-13 I was afraid of deep water because I almost drowned. But I had a dream that an Angel had been with me at a friends house. I was instructed to just jump and I did. Since I survived I loved deep diving. Fun as shit. Not sure if it has much to do with it. I’m hearing a no but I’m including it anyway.

Lemme give you the process...

Around ‘12-ish I bought a pendulum with the idea of using it like I do now. Things took a turn for the worst soon after I bought it. It broke and I didn’t have time or energy to try it anyway. Not until a couple years later at a better time in my life. My apartments were haunted and that’s when I got the sense someone was following but it wasn’t bothersome. Most of the time it was comforting. I did feel him around at the home I grew up in but it wasn’t as prevalent. The dreams were still happening. In ‘13-ish I had the dream I wrote about visiting home in The Realms and Erik bombarded me about my spiritual journey and how I didn’t want anything to do with it. It’s still vivid in my mind like a memory. I really fought over how I didn’t want to incarnate. This was as my higher-self. I looked different and felt different. Now I do see her as my higher self the same as in the dream. Trippy.

Fast forward to ‘16...

Times were hard. I lost my job and the money I was making. It wasn’t really a good job anyway. I realize while on my medications, I was able to connect better. As in my intuition was better understood because they kept me calm and centered. But that wasn’t realized until I was back on meds and able to look back at the times I was medication. I also realized that if my “abilities” to be intuitive went away while off my meds, it might be alarming. But it was impossible to sit still or concentrate long enough to give a shit off of them! So anyway, shortly before I got on my meds I had a dream about Erik. But I started my meds again and noticed the dreams coming it more and more. 

Early ‘17 I asked God to have my abilities back feeling that there was something I needed to do. Like I have a real purpose and it had something to do with my abilities that have taken a temporary backseat. Did some researching to find out what I can do to have my abilities back and got back in to reading my cards regularly. I saw a movie I’ve seen so many times basically about TFs (In Your Eyes) and thought how cool it would be. Ironically it would my experience with Erik in some kind of way but generally the same. Only he’s dead...

It got intense in spring/Summer ‘17.

Over an argument with my ex, he got me baker-acted. I didn’t know Erik was my TF yet. I remember how cool it would be to talk to him while in there. Two years later, this year, while in the hospital I learned I really could talk to him without my pendulum. It’s kind of cute I made a pendulum board “On The Go!” LMAO by drawing one and taking a picture of it so that in the case I can’t concentrate, I can whip out my penny and dangle that shit above my phone. Just for some clarification. I don’t do it all the time. It’s just sometimes I’m not too confident with discernment without my board and I’m not allowed back in the shelter dorms until 4pm *rolls eyes*. 

Okay, we are getting side-tracked!

Learning a skill.

At first, I was watching a lot of paranormal shit and depressed finally tough enough to look for proof as to why I was having this “thing” following me. No matter how comforting it was, it did cause somethings to happen around no matter where I lived and of course only me and maaaaaaybe a few witnessed it. Annoying. I collected pendulums from Ebay and wore them just for shits and giggles. Mostly shits. Ew that’s gross. Anyway so I watched some paranormal shit and remembered,

Hey, I still have my pendulums and a pile of crystals hanging around the “alter” in the headboard behind the mattress!...And a chain!

Reminds me of that Fleetwood Mac song. Kind of accurate. After firing up some sage in my condo --Really! The damn thing nearly caught fire and I’m sure with winds open I was some kind of witch which at the time didn’t necessarily believe in. Pagans and Wiccans were bullshit to me. Even to some level psychics too! How ironic that NOW I happen to be one of those nut-jobs. Go figure. I did my opening and closing rituals to make sure “the door” was closed. I ALWAYS held the intention to be speaking with Erik and much later my grandmother and God would be an important role.

We continued as above pretty much for a while. Using my pendulum was easier, I was able to predict the next letter, then the next word. We really played tug-o-war. I tried to pull the penny to a different letter and he would move it to spell, “Stop doing that!”. LMFAO it was HILARIOUS!!!!! But that’s how I really knew for sure for sure this was for real for real!

Learning about “home”.

It was eye-opening because I remembered the dream I had years ago about returning home. Erik bombarded me with the task about doing what I came to earth to do. Something about his role as well. It didn't know Erik at the time but intuitively I knew that I knew him. There was a familiar-ness . The same I got from in him; the beach and pool parties. In the realms are pools. What I call pools of mana. In video games especially in MMOs there is Mana used to boost up your Magic (sometimes spirit or intellect) Points or MP. 

Out of the blue he called me by a different name, “Vanessa”. Then I remembered asking him what my spirit name was a while back. He had told me “nessa”. To me it sounded like Nestle Tollhouse or some shit like I wasn’t really ready for. Well I was kind of shocked because I told him to call her butt-uh (inside joke) so I put both together and asked about her or my role is back home. Turns out I’m part of some counseling group from the realm of Love. OOOOOoooOOoooooo! Oh my my my! lmao So any way I had not only my past lives to pound out, but also I needed to find out more about the realms and my role as what I call a “Galactic Guardian” or Starseed (see tag below)

Anyway, So we continued the healing process starting with our past lives. We had three of them and we literally looked at all three and healed them. It’s like going to the therapist and laying down and shit. Only because I actually go in to hypnotic state and see these events happening. We pick apart all of the difficult situations in each relationship as bother and sister, husband and wife, and gay lovers. *In Kevin Hart voice* Bing bang boom. Very intense all together. Very much like therapy. Erik goes all sort of sarcastically, 

“...And how does that make you feel?” 

With a notepad in one hand and a pen in another!  He always finds a way to crack me up. He’s my own personal comic relief. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes he just goes to far. Well so do I. Guess it’s some sort of “karma” everyone talks about. *rolls eyes* Whatever.

2018 is all kind of a blurr and I met “God”

Things really didn’t kickoff until summer/fall. Now, I was at a point I wasn’t using my note pad anymore to keep track of our conversations. They were sort of stored in this crazy blob in my unsightly skull. We were still covering our past lives and when it ended, it was time to meet “God”. It really happened when I wanted to know that oracle cards Doreen Virtue had to add to my collection. I only found out she turned away from this kind of spiritual stuff toward (for lack of a better term in my ignorance) being a “Jesus Freak” and there’s absolutely nothing with it. Being that I looked up to her, it brought me back down to earth. In-spite of the safely precautions and measures before each session, was I consorting with demons? I’m I wrong? Is Erik a Demon? I started to feel my chest tighten and it was getting harder to breathe. I felt like I was going to have a heat attack and immediately closed the Chrome window starting at me dead in the face. 

I’ve met Angels Raphael and Micheal..Oh and my Guardian Angel, Josana. Both Archangels are just described. Micheal (means God-like) is a lot like but God “LITE”. A watered down level of God (Sorry Mike)! Raphael is like a physician you see for your check ups. He gives me dietary advice and encourages me to keep my health. Literally while having a panic attack, he measured my heart-rate and assured me that there was nothing wrong. It’s like Raph gives me the veggies and Mike leans over behind me making sure I eat everything on my plate. They are no different than getting their help or advice through angel oracle cards made by Doreen Virtue. It’s funny because i can recall a oracle card that almost matches what they really say to me. Creepy right?

“Yes this is your heavenly father, Jehova.”

OK. Everyone has a name for “God” because of my religious background growing up as a Jehova’s Whitness. Everyone has their own idea or name for “source”. Meeting God wasn’t on the top of my list because I was afraid. I had not been a “good christian” and I’ve fell off the path long ago. In my selfish mind I thought if there was a God I wouldn’t suffer the way I have my whole life. I’ve been through what everyone goes through. But in my mind, my life was enough to make some people want to die. Erik found how much I suffered realizing how the way he left was trivial. If it had to be between us to be put out of their misery, it should have been ME! But I couldn’t no matter how much pain I was in, I couldn't do it. I was afraid of going to Hell. Even though I didn’t really believe in God I always thought with my luck, God or not, my ass is going to burn forever in fire and brimstone. Then out of curiosity i wanted to know demons too. If Angels and benevolents exist there must be demons. Well I did meet them. If you remember, I’ve met these assholes and sent them away. Now that I know the difference I feel free-er and well educated.

God was right there IN MY FUCKING CONDO...

Immediately I was scared as shit like that moment you know you’ve done something back and you are hiding in the closet, except I was basically frozen on my futon. It felt like that. God is very much like Fem and Masc energy together so obviously this means he doesn’t have a Twin Flame. So he can be that honest-god (Hahahah) honest father that tell you like it is without sugar-coating it. I mean he literally in my hissy-fit over something stupid, he said I was, “Acting like a child and it’s time I have patience or I can forget about the things he’s got in store for me.” By the way he really did come through! There were moments I asked for things and they happened! A new bag, art supplies, new pillow, a hat. Some I got EXACTLY how I wanted them! I’ll never forget it. Law of Attraction IS REAL and it’s like God gives it to you like Oprah gives out prizes! 

God forgave me of course and basically I have a good heart. It’s apparent to him how honest I was. He assured me everything leading up to then was genuine. He encouraged me to re-read the bible as much as I can. I’ve got a children's version of it over and over. The book of Enoch, Ester --both not in the bible, and Job are my faves. For some reason that version is the best way I can understand especially with the pictures. I hate when Christians tell he how I need to read the bible. Like leave me alone. At least I’m reading or listening to it. Seriously sometimes I can’t have conversations without someone taking out their bible and tell me how to read it. When I say I really can’t just sit there all day trying to read AND interpret it, I’m doing so the best way I can. It means I can’t do it. I do it in my own way and that’s all that matters to God. I understand what I understand and HOW I understand it. Like the documentaries about the bible and it’s archaeological proof that events really happened. The great food is a big one. That was the one documentary that got me thinking twice about being an Atheist. Now, I consider myself a Gnostic Theist considering everything I have learned about The Realms (not exactly spirit realms) and where I and SOME of my friends are from. Otherwise I’d have to be Gnostic.

As my pendulum swung, so did my head. 

In every other word I was able to “hear” them. He would let me know by going “ding!”. It was alarming (no pun intended) to figure out all of a sudden I knew what he was say as every other word kind of appeared in my head. I remembered this was part of my own ascension. We had merged and everything was happening so fast. So by the end of ‘18 I was literally beginning to hear him just by listening to the frequency of 110hz playing in my speakers. Then I started to hear him when there ever was a steady beat like in footsteps, the sound of rain, when I was washing a plate, every sylable was like:

It’s--Oh--Kay--I--M--Not--Go--ing--to--hur--t--you!

I was talking to myself and I heard him! I freaked out. As in I really thought I was going insane. It didn’t want it. I kept saying to him that I wasn’t ready! I got over my fear and before you know it, I’m having conversations with him while watching a Netflix and YouTube! It was like I had him in my headset. We had the kind of long-distance relationship I seeked before he died. Once, I forgot he was dead. When it sunk in again, It had me by the ovaries and I dare say I fell apart because I wished he was alive. By ‘19 without my pendulum I can hear him in my right ear. When he’s yelling, the sound carries over to my left side. It really feels like someone is screaming in your ear in a concert hall. You can imagine the kind of psycho-happy he was when I could finally hear him! We even sing together!

But then I couldn’t get him to STFU! At first it was creepy, then cool, then I’m being tested on my ability to shut him off! Since we merged and God married us, everything was so fast it was hard to keep up. So overwhelmed, God and my Granny would visit to encourage me to move forward and that I’m not doing anything wrong. Through the hard times happening between Vince and I they stood by me always. Erik and I communicate as though time wasn’t even a thing. We are two-peas-in-a-pod! He’s my Twin Flame, Spirit Guide, best friend and my “spirit spouse”. 

Erik said that in my ascension the last step is being able to see him.

 I long since said I didn’t want to. It was hard and painful (That’s what she said!) to know he’s dead. Well he forced me to by sending in dude that kind of resembled him up until we got to Dean Winchester. I was like:

“Ummmm, errrrrr, no, sorry but no way man. You have to be joking. You are a far cry from him. I just don’t see it!”

So of course he wouldn’t shut up because of course he was going to annoy me AGAIN by embarrassing myself around dudes. Oh god I’ll never really forget the first time I nearly died. I wasn’t ready. I looked like I had just crawled out of bed! Why of why hadn’t I been given notice. My third-eye would pop-off when he was getting my attention. Sure enough I look up and hide behind Vince gasping for air. Not quite a dopple-ganger but good enough to freak me out. He wanted me to make that correction as he’s kind of hovering over my shoulder as he always does.

Anyway *rolls eyes* So i watched a few to find, wow I guess he’s right especial the parts he loves his car, music like Metallica, ACDC, ect...Oh yeah and how he thinks he’s “adorable”. Well I don’t think he’s adorable....I’M ADORABLE, BITCH! There can only be MEEEEEE! But he makes a point there. Being we are Twin Flames that makes us both adorable. Sure, whatevs. I learned to gather up my ovaries and said, “fuck it”, I’ve seen and heard what he wanted me to and admitted yeah, sure, I give up, he wins. As always he gets what he wants. He’s totally salty I said that. No, he’s not a dick. He’s a pansy. He’s threatening to hit me with a wrench. Too bad he can’t do it for real but then again I can’t really bonk him on the head either. I get more satisfaction with physical contact...Oh god, ”That’s what she said!”. He’s a slick dick all talk and no action. 

I really feel like this hole experience makes a good story and a good lesson in  persistence, patience, and spiritual growth. It’s surprising to me that like on all “hobbies” I’m able to follow through on this journey as long as I have. The things that kept me doing this is the love and support from my friends here, Erik, Granny and God. Literally I asked for this and it’s like “Be careful of what you ask for” kind of thing except Twin Flames wasn’t in my vocabulary. The dreams and incidences that occurred leading me to him all were for a reason no matter how painful and torturous they were. I’ve never cried so much but I’ve never healed so much. This is like spiritual boot camp. My guides break my down to lift me up. I’m coming out of this process a stronger than before. I have to really thank my guides for all the things they put me through.

My own kind of ascension might be over now that I can see, hear, and even feel Erik. At least what he called our ascension process. It is to my understanding like our own individual spiritual journey, our own ascension process is different too. This is not a one size fits all gig. There is no right or wrong way. To bark around with, no this is this or that is that ( I’m guilty of it too...) is kind of silly if we are all individual and unique being on earth! It feel cool but as I’ve said before, just because this processed ended doesn’t mean our story or whatever we have is over. We both still have much to discover and share in our day to day life.

For those who have followed me through this,

Again, Thank you all!

[financiallymint]

Traveling on a student budget

Set a limit 

This basically means answering the question: how much am I comfortable spending on this trip? How much do I want to spend, ideally? And then, how much do I think I will spend, realistically? Work out those two numbers and try to find some middle ground.

That budget number is gold, do not forget it. You now have a $$ amount that is a limit, that you have to try very hard to not overpass. Take your debit/credit cards just in case but only use the extra money if very necessary. Discipline yourself to stick to your budget.

With this golden number in mind, you can now follow the next few steps at ease:

Planning

A successful trip has a good combo of effective planning and some fun spontaneous things along the way (missing your plane and taking a detour through Rome yass). But still, it’s always better to overplan than underplan, so you want to make sure you kinda know what you’re doing.

Start with figuring out WHERE you want to go and for how long (keeping the golden budget in mind). Don’t know? Check out Google Flights: you can see at a glance what goes where and what price. Compare return tickets and how much time you have available.

Pretty snazzy if you ask me.

Evaluating Transport costs

It’s not just the cost of getting there: the cost of traveling once there. Subways, buses, trains, etc. You don’t want the nasty surprise of having to pay an unplanned £14 ticket from Stansted Airport to get to the actual city of London. Be prepared.

In most of Europe there’s this amazing thing called Blablacar, a carpooling app that will connect you with drivers going to the same destination as you. Great way to save money AND meet cool people. I also use the website GoEuro to compare train, buses and flights from one place to another.

Accommodation

Ouhhh this is a big one. Where tf will I sleep? Will it be hostel? Airbnb? Dare I say… HOTEL?

Well, my biggest secret to spending only £135 on my trip to the East and West coast of Ireland was this amazing, beautiful app: Couchsurfing. So basically: free accommodation. This app is God’s gift to travelers, and it’s not only in Europe (I used it in some parts of Asia and I’ve heard people use it all over the world). The idea behind it is simple: someone has an extra couch, and you can sleep on it for free.

Why would someone offer their couch for free? Honestly, it’s a great way to travel without going anywhere. You meet people from all around the world with amazing stories and amazing experiences to tell. In exchange, the Couchsurfer gets a free bed and maybe even a bit of food. Pretty awesome right?

What if I get attacked? Unlikely, but always keep your wits about you. Check their profile, read their reviews, make sure you’re comfortable with staying at them beforehand (going with a friend helps).

99% of my Couchsurfing experiences have been top notch amazing. I’m still in contact with a few of them and have hosted one person myself (all about giving back to the community yeah). It might not be a long term solution, but it can be done for a night or two.

But of course, Couchsurfing is not for everyone. You also have hostels (Hostelworld), Airbnb and maybe some people you know in the area. Just make sure you roughly know where you’ll be staying for the length of your trip (last minute booking can get stressful).

Food

This one is tricky, and food budgeting while traveling is not a skill I have mastered yet (the pre-made wraps were FOUL). What I recommend? Setting a daily limit/budget on the amount you’re comfortable spending on food everyday while traveling (this will be incorporated in your golden budget already). Take some snacks from home too: chocolate, crackers, cheese, energy bars and fruit are pretty cool.

Touristing

If you’re doing a trip and planning on visiting the city, you’ll also be planning on doing some visiting, cultural or not (cough cough Amsterdam). You don’t have to plan to the very detail, but it helps to do a quick Google search of what touristy stuff you can do in the city and roughly what the price range is. Are there parks? Museums? Hikes? Weird monuments? Food to try? (the research will also get you excited for the trip). If you’ll be Couchsurfing, ask your Couchsurfer some tips on where to go, what to do, etc. Locals will know their city best!

Checking out local bloggers is also a great idea: Lonely Planet, NomadicMatt, etc.

Other options

We are truly lucky in this day and age to be able to travel so much. And actually, we are even luckier to be able to take it a step further: packing your bags and going for good. Aka long term travel. This means staying in that country/city for several months, getting to know the culture, the language, the food and making local friends. This option is not always available to everyone, but when it is, I recommend to grab it quick.

You can:

Study abroad: Erasmus and other programs will help you do a semester or year abroad. Or you can plan it yourself (me doing a random semester at uni in China). Check out what other bloggers have been doing: Amelie blogged about her experience studying abroad in the UK. This is a truly amazing way to travel as a student. You get to experience the local life, you get to study your subject and you really get to travel and explore the culture. Definitely a must. And many times it won’t cost you that much more.

Take a gap year: I was slightly shocked when I heard gap years weren’t really a thing in the US. I honestly think every single college student should take a gap year before starting university. The experience is unforgettable and prepares you for life better than college itself. Oh, and it’s not expensive if you do it right. If you do your research well, you can totally make your gap year achievable through volunteering or working abroad:

Volunteer abroad: I don’t have any personal experience with this, but from what I’ve researched this is awesome. Many times the companies will offer free housing and maybe even free food in exchange for some volunteering time. Opportunities range from community work to raising awareness for environment. GoAbroad and VolunteerHQ have some cool programs.

Work abroad: This could be an internship, another program of some sort, or simply finding a job once you get to the country. Universities can also help you plan this out. Check out STA travel and Go Abroad for more info. I did au pairing (looking after kids and living with the family) for a few months and that was a great experience in a foreign country. You can also get your TEFL and teach English in Asia. So many opportunities.

Online university: This is the route that I am about to embark on. The full on, traveler-student mode. Traveling while studying online. This is really for those who want to try some hardcore traveling and are ok with missing out on the traditional college experience. Maybe just one semester, but it’s a great way to not completely halt your studies and have some more flexibility.

[colewald]

I MET JENNA COLEMAN ON SUNDAY THE 24TH OF SEPTEMBER 2017 AND HERE IS HOW IT WENT DOWN

I don’t even know where to begin so I’m just gonna pick a spot.

So I woke up this morning, put on a face mask, had a real nice shower, did my face, put on my Clara cosplay,

had my sister take a few pictures of me (the ones you see here are the only good ones she took asdijkdas) then we left for Comic-con! I had been fine all morning but the car ride there was...mESSY. It didn’t really hit me that I was SERIOUSLY about to meet Jenna until that moment. I started crying and breathing really heavily and my lovely mum was like “STOP CRYIGN YOU’RE GONNA RUIN YOUR MAKEUP YOU HAVEN’T EVEN MET HER YET” but I just kept on freaking out like...I was SO nervous, I think I actually could’ve vomited in that moment. I’d been planning what I wanted to say to her for forever but I was worried that I would be too nervous to say anything to her and just end up making a fool of myself :( 

Anyway, we eventually arrived in the convention centre, got our tickets scanned, went in, looked for the autograph area AND GUYS.

JENNA WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE. RIGHT FUCKING THERE. There was no line where she was because one of her autograph sessions had just ended or was about to. I just started CRYING and literally as soon as I saw her, I walked away. Like, I couldn’t. My brother and my sister were like “oh my god!!!!!!” but I was like “nonononono I can’t, I can’t look at her, I’m not okay”. 

After a few minutes of dying, I realised people going up to Jenna and getting things signed so I was like “oH she must still be signing things” and my sister told me that I should go up now and meet her while the line was short af instead of go to her next session which was an hour later (which was my original plan). I just kept saying I couldn’t do it bUT THEN I JUST DECIDED “FUCK IT I’M DOING IT”. 

And....................................

I think my soul actually LEFT MY BODY. This was UNREAL. 

I went up to the table where she was doing autographs, picked the photo I wanted her to sign thEN WALKED IN FRONT OF HER. I WAS IN FRONT OF MS JENNA LOUISE COLEMAN, LOOKING RIGHT AT HER. AND THE VERY FIRST THING SHE SAID TO ME WAS “love your outfit!”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS FREAKING TF OUT ON THE INSIDE. I just said “thank you so much!!!!!” then she started signing my photo (I can’t believe I witnessed her write my name like bitchhhh). As she was signing, I was losing my mind. None of it felt real. Here’s how the whole conversation went:

Jenna: Love your outfit! (she did the cutest little point at me and smiled GOD)  Me: Thank you so much!!!!! Jenna: So what’s going on out there? What are we missing? Me: I honestly have no clue ahhaha (I’m actually such an embarrassment wow)  She was finishing up signing my photo then I finally worked up the courage to say something.

Me: I just wanted to say thank you so much for all that you do...because Clara Oswald means so much to me and she’s helped me through some really difficult times in my life and just thank you so much.(It took me like 9032328 years to get this all out though lmfao I was so nervous) Jenna: Thank you!!! (When I started talking, she LOOKED UP AND INTO MY EYES LIKE I SWEAR SHE WAS STARING INTO MY SOUL I WANTED TO DIE SHE WAS REALLY LISTENING TO ME BE A COMPLETE NERD AND HAD THE BIGGEST SMILE ON HER FACE, IT KILLED ME) Me: And I’ve also been completely obsessed with Victoria, you’re so talented I love you so much. Jenna: Aww, thank you. Thank you. (gUYS HER SMILE HAD ME DEAD. IT WAS SO GENUINE AND UGHHHHHHHHH I MISS IT)

Then I took my photo and thanked her again, started walking toward my brother and sister who watched the entire thing happen from afar, and I just started BAWLING. I was literally SHAKING. I couldn’t even speak properly. We were walking away and my sister was asking me what I said to her and everytime I started saying “I thanked her for-” I just cRIED EVEN MORE. IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME TO FUNCTION. 

After we sat down and I calmed down a little bit, I asked my sister if she could see us talking and she said yeah so I asked her what she looked like and she told me she was sMILING SO HARD and I CRIED AGAIN. Then I asked my brother if he could see us and he said YEP I SAW HE SMILING A LOT. It was just so much to take in.

My mum and my sister kept asking me to tell them exactly what I said to her but it’s 392092347 hours later and I still can’t tell them without crying lmaoooo. I just can’t say it out loud. It wasn’t everything I wanted to say (I have PLENTY I want to tell her but we don’t have all the time in the world, sadly). But you know what? I’m SO fucking proud of myself for getting even that much out. I was sooo emotional and nervous and I was so close to just keeping my mouth shut, collecting my photo, then saying thank you and walking away. But I thought ‘nope. I’m going to make the most of this moment’ and bam. I said that. I’m really really really happy I did. Maybe it doesn’t seem like I said much at all to some of you but I honestly think that I got the most important thing out.

ANYWAY, NEXT MY PHOTO WITH HER.

I started lining up an hour early for the photo session so I was pretty close to the front. I was dying but wHATEVER. There were A LOT of people lining up for her. I think it was such a massive line because (other than the fact that she’s Jenna Coleman, of course) she was only doing ONE photo op session and was only in Brisbane for ONE day (and is in Sydney for two, how could she do me this dirty). As soon as her session started, the line started moving VERY QUICKLY. Like, I was shocked at how quickly it was moving. It was incredibly rushed, I think because they tried to make sure everyone got their photo in the little time Jenna had.

I finally reached the photobooth and the poor, poor thing looked sooo exhausted, I wanted to give her a hug. 

There were a few people in front of me in line and at one point I saw the photographer signalling people to hurry up and walk up next to Jenna for the photo. It was like a “hi!” “hi” *pose* “bye!” thing I was liKE DAMN because I wanted to talk to her more. When it was finally my turn, idk what came over me but I pretty much screamed “HI!!!” with the biggest idiot smile on my face but I saw her eyes light up (I’m not delusional I swear to you) and she said “hi!” with that beautiful smile once again. I put my arm around her and SMILED SO BIG (as you can see in the photos above) IT’S EMBARRASSING. I walked away and said “thank you so much!!!!!!” and once I exited the booth, I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy like I felt so warm inside. Even though I only had two seconds with her, I didn’t care. ANY TIME I GET WITH HER IS GOOD FOR ME. 

Then about half an hour later, I went to collect my photo.................I......................strongly dislike how it turned out........................I’m not even kidding, I hate my smile and and even though I knew I’d look like a giant next to this smol bean, I was still so !?@#>@?!1!!!!!!!! when I saw it for the first time. I was kinda upset over it but SHUT UP ELYSE YOU MET JENNA COLEMAN AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS. 

BUT SHE REALLY POINTED AT ME IN OUR PHOTO. A FEW MONTHS AGO I LITERALLY TWEETED THAT IF I EVER GOT THE CHANCE TO MEET HER I’D WANT HER TO DO DO THE ICONIC POINT. 

I’m honestly still so overwhelmed that that happened. Ughhh I love her.

NEXT WAS HER PANEL. 

SHE

IS

THE

CUTEST

THING

EVER

Y’ALL DON’T UNDERSTAND.

I’m not gonna go into details about what she said because she was asked a lot of questions she’d already answered in past cons (YES SHE REALLY TOLD THE STORY OF PETER’S ACCIDENTAL SHOWER AGAIN. IT WAS GLORIOUS) but shE’S TRULY DOWN-TO-EARTH AND LOVELY AND PRECIOUS. She was being so funny and kept making cute faces. I was laughing, dying, and almost cried at one point. It was such a fun little panel and she was talking and talking and I could have listened to her for days. Then the panel ended and I was just so content. 

I’m about to be such an overdramatic bi thc right now but seriously.....I’m not exaggerating when I say that meeting Jenna has been my DREAM for sooooo long. Meeting Jenna in Clara cosplay has been my ultimate dream. And that happened today. I told her what Clara Oswald meant to me (in short) and she listened to me and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. She really means the world to me and I’m so grateful for her and Clara Oswald. I still remember going through some really dark shit a few years ago then putting on Doctor Who and feeling so connected to Clara that I forgot about every bad thing in my life at that moment. I remember the first time I started doing a lil “research” on Jenna and seeing how smol, awkward, sweet, and hella stylish she was and she quickly became MY QUEEN. I adore everything about this woman. I adore her talent, her personality, her entire existence....my heart is just so full. 

Anyway, that’s my summary of today. It was such a good day. I really hope she comes again soon.

She’s also way prettier irl. I didn’t think that was possible buT

[myloveeflows]

Angels/demons/magick ?

‪I started watching The Magick of Solomon last night and the Christian in me’s 1st thought was “aw hell nah you ain’t bout to conjure no demons in this house‼️” homie don’t play that🚯💯Had to pause it and reestablish the spiritual boundaries of my home, letting all beings know..‬ ‪“As per my original message! NOTHING is allowed in my home unless personally invited BY ME”

(Magic is mostly about purely directed intention, not always what you say or do but actually think, feel, and mean subconsciously as well, also I regularly practice keeping my vibration high through meditation and active awareness therefore I’m pretty familiar with my own power to comand and protect my life)

and then continued.

From what I saw so far before falling asleep on it lol the focus was on calling on Angels for help/protection/guidance as well as briefly explaining what Solomon was doing (requesting angels and “commanding demons...)

Seeing as I have been studying/researching around this‬ for quite sometime now, I was already familiar with angelic Sigils and sigils/staves in general so I wasn’t too confused or taken aback by the content and how a lot of darkness has been covered in light while true light has been shrouded in darkness.

As I watched the magical practitioners perform invocations to these angels I could definitely feel the energy change powerfully and positively honestly, and when I finally turned it off the energy lingered physically it was witnessed outside in roaring winds (when you know you know)

I have always known due to my very close relationship with the creator from a very young age that I was always divinely protected I didn’t really understand how but that didn’t matter still the idea of calling on anything outside of myself weirds me out & i’m not in the business of doing it🤚🏾.

The reason I’m so conflicted is because I’ve been on the receiving end of metaphysical/spiritual attacks. I have woken up under sleep paralysis with two dark figures one reptilian and one shrouded in a hood at my bedside. I can only assume attempting to drain me of my essence 🤷🏾‍♀️ (sounds crazy try living it) . This has happened to me 3 times in my life

(story time!)

The first time was when I was about 16. Someone in my home had been actively cruising the dark web,(who knew that was real? I didn’t at the time) dibbling & dabbling in things they weren’t fully educated on. As a result I was no stranger to weird feelings and attacks through other people. I prayed a lot so I know prayer works lol. (The Creator God has been the only father figure I’ve really been able to depend on) Anywho!

So little old 16-year-old me with no idea what they were doing decided I was going to attempt to exorcise one of my family members😂🤣🤣🙄. Needless to say it didn’t work but it did piss whatever entity was in my house TF off lol. I remember I was laying on my stomach and in the middle of a dream I felt my back gets scorching hot like something was trying to forcefully enter me. I screamed as loud as I could under temporary paralysis and immediately snapped out of it. That was the day I learned nothing can enter you without you giving it your permission/ God got my back LITERALLY (ba doom chik 🥁😂) when you’ve seen and experience some of the weird shit I have humor definitely becomes your best friend ha😅) with that being said there are many different ways to give permission so be careful because you may be giving permission just by the food, drugs and or drink you injest☝🏾.

The last two times happened this year and were my first experiences with commanding negative entities I suppose. I won’t go into the exact details but the basics are I woke from strange dreams under sleep paralysis with dark shadowy figures surrounding me.

I didn’t call on Jesus or anyone. Again I have been studying and learning to cultivate my own power so the thought of calling on something outside myself didn’t even come to my mind. I simply, knowing I was being attacked mustard’d all of my strength to get the words out of my mouth to say “you have no power over me leave! you have no power over me leave! you have no power over me LEAVE!” Each time I spoke that phrase the reptilian being changed forms. After the first time I spoke the phrase the second being that was shrouded in a hood disappeared and the reptilian being changed from what looked kind of like a dinosaur to then something shrouded in a hood to then a man and then it was gone and I broke free from my sleep paralysis.

Yes it was low-key terrifying but in the moment I didn’t have time to be afraid I knew I needed to act I know the reason I was able to free myself is because I believed in the words I was speaking I knew they were true as we are all connected to the one power how do I look being afraid of something that’s part of me. So this is where my confusion about calling on angels comes from...

I know very well that you don’t have to call or summon entities to have power or to be protected. Matter of fact, I have had a few different spiritual beings come to me during sun meditation namely Thoth or Hermes, and Horus. (sounds fucking crazy I know and it wasn’t anything crazy like I saw them in their bodies or in ghostly forms, it was just like stick figures of them portrayed to me in my mind after meditating deeply with the sun.) They didn’t appear to me together I saw a Thoth first, Hours weeks later. At the time I didn’t know anything about either of them to be honest with you, I just knew that Thoth had the head of a hearing so his figure was very easy to recognize but I knew nothing about him & same with Horus’s hawk head. (Forgive me if I’m not saying the right birds, lol y’all know what I mean)

They spoke no words to me. It was more that I was just being pointed in a direction to continue my research so I immediately looked up Thoth and came across his “Emerald Tablets” (which I will link at the end of this post) and man the knowledge, the things I had felt for so long but didn’t understand was then sitting right in front of me. WEEEEEIRDDDD but more than anything exciting. Apparently they knew what I was dealing with at the time and wanted to help me (Active demon worshipers doing any and everything they could to fuck me up lmao) Thank you all so much🙏🏾 As I type this my eyes water with so much appreciation because of just how protected and guided I’ve been through all of these really hard times that I haven’t been secure enough to talk about until this moment because how do you tell people these things everyone just will think you’re crazy anyways so most people who experience supernatural things are left to do it alone.

Thank God soon after I was sent friends who are also experienced metaphysical or supernatural things so that I would know that I wasn’t crazy.😭🙏🏾❤️

Anyway I say all this to say inherently even as a human being on this planet, we are created with the power of the ALL, with God’s true essence in us. Religion has done nothing but strip us of our knowing that we can command our own power without the use of other things. In the use of other things is where the half truths come because it’s hard to know when if when you’re putting your faith in something else outside of you if said thing can be trusted. Even and almost especially the things portrayed as good or the best. You really have to read between the lines use discernment and question everything.

I share all this to say meditation is amazing, (I’ve honestly been slacking lately with all this schooling😭) taking the time to research the past really can give you better insight on the present and the future. Do not blindly follow anything! and definitely don’t go calling on things that you don’t know about!

Now with that being said can you call on things to help you, sure I suppose but as research will show you.. Genie depicted as magical beings that grant your wishes are actually demonic entities and your request come at a price which is usually your soul’s natural power. With that being said I found that when you really need help from an entity you don’t have to call on them with blood or unwilling sacrifice. Ive found they just come to you in response to “ Groanings too deep for words” in my experience anyway.

The Bible definitely holds the truth, just gotta REALLLY use discernment because the Bible has been rewritten by men for years and years and the information in the Bible was taken from other civilizations years and years before. You would be silly to believe it has not been manipulated for selfish gain. If you examine any of the books that have been removed from the Bible you know this.

I’ll link a couple videos that helped me a lot down below. I love you guys, stay safe, know you are powerful beyond what anyone will ever tell you, and thank you God and all of the helpful entities that guide and protect and love🙏🏾✨🙌🏾

If sharing my story helps even one person going through anything similar then I’m grateful and I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to do.

[urbancuntemporary]

Welsen? West/Olsen? Iris west/James Olsen? Anywayyyy, Irisco for the ship meme?

Welsen, Jaris...I like Welsen let’s go with that. 

who hogs the duvet

Iris. In any possible ship the answer is always Iris. And then James pouts. 

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

Both. 

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

James literally makes a photo collage for every occasion. Sometimes they’re just those cute 90s snapshot ones but sometimes they’re like, mosaics. Homeboy makes a mean collage. And at this point they don’t know where to put them but Iris wants to keep all of them so they make room. But Iris has her moments when it comes to thoughtfulness, usually mementos calling back tf monuments in their relationship. But sometimes it’s gag gifts like really tiny t-shirts that she demands he wear. 

who gets up first in the morning

James. And he’s annoying about it. Singing the Carpenters of all things at the ass crack of dawn when even the gods are still trying to sleep. He makes a mean omelette though so Iris can’t be too mad. 

who suggests new things in bed

Iris. Just...yeah it’s Iris. 

who cries at movies

Iris. If they’re watching a movie and James feels even slightly emotional he knows for a fact Iris is sobbing beside him. He keeps tissues on him every time they go out to the movies because she refuses to. 

who gives unprompted massages

James. The man’s got some strong hands...all Imma say..

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

Both. Iris is a really stubborn sick person. She’ll still try to go to work and do all this extra shit and James just rolls his eyes and pops in from time to time just to make sure she’s remembering to take her medicine. She kind of goes on auto-pilot when she’s got a really good story and James is low-key afraid she’ll pass out or something dramatic because she’s too focused to realize how sick she’s getting. James is pretty chill when he’s sick, kind of just lays down and all that but Iris fawns over him like the man is going to die within the minute. 

who gets jealous easiest

Neither of them get super jealous but if I had to pick I’d say James gets a little salty from time to time. Iris is literally the most attractive living person in any room they enter and it’s really not a secret. 

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

James. Not that he’s that embarrassed but the songs will shuffle from Frank Ocean to like... “Stay” by Lisa Loeb within the same playlist and Iris really has no damn clue what vibe he’s going for here. 

who collects something unusual

Not really a tangible collection but Iris has a whole repertoire of fun facts. There’s really no fun fact that anybody could tell her that she hasn’t already researched and fact-checked with several witness accounts. 

who takes the longest to get ready

Iris. Y’all see she never wears the same outfit twice...

who is the most tidy and organised

James are you kidding? Iris will literally just walk out of her close and leave them there. 

who gets most excited about the holidays

Iris. James thought he was a holiday person until he met her and she had him looking like a lazy fool. Day after Thanksgiving the apartment was unrecognizable. 

who is the big spoon/little spoon

James is the big spoon because Iris is lil as fuck. 

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

Both of them are crazy competitive and for the sake of their relationship they found it best to always be on the same team. Iris doesn’t know anything about football but the girl can tackle the shit out of anybody. 

who starts the most arguments

They don’t argue a lot. But when they do I guess James starts them because Iris is either working herself to hard or getting herself into too much danger. So they’re usually worry fights. 

who suggests that they buy a pet

Iris doesn’t suggest anything. She spots a shelter one day and dooms herself by walking in. 

what couple traditions they have

James and his collages. Buuuuut sometimes they end up working on a story together and nerdy ass James makes up a themesong for when they do stake outs. Something like “🎶James and Iris--on👏🏾the👏🏾case👏🏾” sing that however

what tv shows they watch together

They watch Fresh Prince when it comes on early in the morning-and back to the morning thing, James totally wakes her up with “NOW THIS IS A STORY ALL ABOUT HOW--”

what other couple they hang out with

Linda and Wally (yeah IT’S IN HERE)

how they spend time together as a couple

All of the museeeuuums. Also they bake a lot. 

who made the first move

Iris. 

who brings flowers home

James. Iris will bring him cute little trinkets she gets from street vendors and stuff. 

who is the best cook

James. Iris is good. But James is like, like yo.