#how the hell did we get here? how the hell did we lost that?

[rebelliousstories]

Ex Lover’s Lover

Relationship: Cooper Howard x Reader

Fandom: Fallout

Request: No

Warnings: Fluff, Brief Angst, Strong Language, Suggestive Themes

Word Count: 2,093

Main Masterlist: Here

Fallout Masterlist: Here

Summary: Cooper Howard gets introduced to a new up and coming actress after his divorce is finalized. What happens when Barb finds out that Janey has been spending time with the two of them?

The sound of giggles and laughter filled the beautiful California ranch home. It was a sound that had almost never existed there again, but that all changed. Two adults were running around their dinning room in just their bathing suits because someone decided to tickle the other one.

“You ain’t gettin’ me, Coop! Not gonna happen!” The sweet accented voice rang through.

“Oh yes I am, darling.” He replied, darting around the table just in time to catch the woman. Wrapping his arms around her, Cooper began to drag her back outside to make use of their hot tub. She giggled the entire way back, and laughed when Cooper picked her up in a bridal hold to set her in the warm water. There was a tray of drinks waiting for them from before they had gotten side tracked.

“Now that we aren’t goin’ to be distracted any longer,” he groaned as he slipped into the warm water. “Here you are, sweetheart.”

“Thank you, hun. Ugh, this is just what I needed. You have no idea the day I have had.” She took a sip of her martini and relaxed further into the water. Cooper squeezed her thigh underneath the water to prompt her into talking about whatever it was.

“So the new Nuka-Cola ads ran today, and I get it, they want the prettiest image out of the bunch. But the retouching they did afterwards made my lips look twice their size. I look like I have clown lips,” pausing to take a sip, “and when I brought up my concerns to John he said, and I quote, ‘that’s what the people want. They want sex appeal.’ I’m selling a drink, not myself for a few bucks for the hour.” She ended her long rant with another sip of her drink.

“Darlin’ why don’t you find a new manager?” He asked, following her lead with his own martini.

“Cause John is a family friend. If I didn’t use him as my manager, my family would freak out. I’m tryin’ to get them out of the slums in Dallas.” Her voice wavered as she thought about it.

“Well, baby. What do you wanna do about it?” Cooper set down his glass on the ledge and turned his body fully towards his lover.

“I don’t know, Coop. I’m just hopin’ this bullshit dies down before the new movie. I’m just so stressed all the time right now. And I wanna go back to when I was actin’ for the love of it. Not just the love of a paycheck.” Downing the rest of her glass, and eating her olive, her hands were relieved of its glass by Cooper. He maneuvered her from her seat to his lap, and wrapped his arms around her middle.

“Darlin’, you can do whatever the hell you want. If you wanna get back into acting for the love of it, you can. If you wanna change a manager, let your family be mad. You’re gonna take over the world one day. I just hope I’m round to see it.” Howard started to press kisses to any and all skin he could get access to. He was briefly interrupted by her hand hitting his own shoulder, and he began to chuckle.

“Shut it. You’re not that old. You’ll still be around to see me reach your level of stardom.” She teased, pressing her lips against his. Their lips moved against each other as hands began to roam. The couple lost themselves in the moment, and did not pull away for anything. That was, until, someone’s stomach growled loudly.

“You hungry there baby?” Cooper teased, rubbing the front of her bathing suit, right over her stomach.

“You know drinking makes me hungry.” She whined, hitting her lover again when he laughed at her.

“If you think it’s so funny, you can go get food to bring out. How about that?” And she scooted off of Cooper to the bench seat of the hot tub. The man groaned, but made the move to get out of the warm water.

“Alright. What you want, baby?” He asked, wrapping his robe around him to make his way to the house.

“Can you get the cheese board from earlier? That sounds wonderful.” She leaned up to give him a kiss as he passed by, before settling back into the water. Cooper walked into the house and quickly found the board that she had made for an appetizer before their dinner. He was about to leave with the board when the phone rang. Setting the food down, Cooper padded over to the phone, and answered.

“Hello?” He asked, waiting to hear the voice on the other end of the line.

“Coop, hey. It’s me.” It was his ex-wife, Barb, on the phone.

“What do you want, Barb?” As much as he tried to sound indifferent, he was worried it came across as rude.

“Listen, I need you to take Janey. I have a big meeting at work tomorrow morning and my babysitter can’t make it. Please, I really need this favor.”

“It’s a Saturday tomorrow, Barb. What the hell you doin’ that’s so important?” He questioned, leaning against the wall.

“It doesn’t matter. Please, Cooper. Will you come take her for the weekend? You guys can start your week early this way.” She pleaded over the phone. Cooper scrubbed a hand over his face while the other held the phone.

“Alright. Alright, I’ll come get her. Be there soon.” He hung up the phone before she could say another word. With a deep sigh, he opened the door to the backyard and made his way over to the hot tub where his lover looked like she was about to fall asleep.

“Darlin’,” he shook her and watched her slowly come back to the land of the living. “Gotta go pick up Janey. Wanna come with me?”

“Yeah. I’d love to. You know I love that little girl.” She stretched and made her way out of the tub where Cooper waited with her robe. They made quick work of getting dressed and ready for the evening drive. The sun was just about to set when they left their house and got in the car.

It was a little over an hour before they arrived at Barb’s new house where the lights were still on. The entire drive over Cooper kept squeezing her hand, thigh, or really and part he could hold. There was something nerve wracking about seeing Barb knowing what he knew. He was not looking forward to it, but she was the mother of his child; that would never be taken away.

Getting out of the car, Cooper ran around and opened the door for his lover, before grabbing her hand to walk themselves up to the door. He knocked, and waited. The door opened up to the face of his ex-wife. She relaxed upon seeing Cooper, but was shocked to see the woman beside him.

“Hey,” Barb turned back to her ex-husband, “thank you for coming to get her. Come in. She’s just getting her things.” The couple walked inside the luxurious home. Everything in it looked like it was from a magazine.

“Cooper, may I talk to you?” Barb whispered, beginning to drag the man into the kitchen. He turned to his girlfriend, and only went when she nodded. Walking into the kitchen, he placed his hands in his pockets, and waited for her to speak.

“What is she doing here?” She just came out and said it.

“What do you mean?” Cooper responded.

“Don’t give me that, Coop. I thought it was just her imagination, but now I can see that Janey wasn’t lying.” Barb continued, placing her hands on her hips.

“The hell do you mean?” He asked once more.

“What are you doing with a girl young enough to be your daughter?” It was finally out in the open.

“Barb,” Cooper began, “she is a wonderful lady and I’m really happy with her. She’s of legal, consenting age. I didn’t coerce her into anything. She makes me happy and she makes Janey happy.”

“But she is so young. What’s gonna happen when she decides she doesn’t want to be with you anymore and leaves? Then you and Janey are heartbroken.” Her stern words caused Cooper to reel back as if he had been slapped.

“Wow. You really think that she is going to leave me just like that? Because of my age?” He watched as Barb stammered and tried to back pedal on her words. But Cooper just held up a hand, and silenced her.

“Listen, we’ve talked about our age difference. Hell, this is not the first time that I’ve thought about that. But every time I try and bring it up, she’s the one that puts me in my place. We love each other, of course I want her to be around Janey. And they love each other.” Cooper had stunned Barb into silence. The sincerity in his words was shocking to his ex-wife. All she could do was nod without a word as she tried to think. But before she could get another word in, footsteps ran into the kitchen.

“Daddy!” Janey yelled, happily throwing herself at her father.

“Oh, hello sweet pea! You been good for your momma this week?” He pressed a kiss to her cheek as he set her back down. She nodded eagerly, and smiled, which prompted her parents to smile. Another set of footsteps came in the room.

“Sorry, I know y’all were talkin’. But she was so excited to hear daddy was here.” Cooper’s girlfriend had made her way into the kitchen. Neither her nor her lover missed the way Barb’s face screwed up at the mere sight of her. Extending her hand, she introduced and gave her name to the older woman.

“It’s very nice to finally meet you. Janey has told me so much about you.” Barb shook the woman’s hand with a firm grasp.

“Likewise,” she turned to her daughter, “alright. You go have fun with daddy and his friend?”

“She’s not just his friend. Daddy loves Cola like he loved you, mommy.” Her words held an innocence that only a child could have. The three adults looked in between each other with solemn looks.

“Come on, Janey. Let’s let momma and daddy finish their conversation. Can I have the keys, please?” She held out her hands, and offered one to Janey while the other waited for the keys to the car. Cooper handed them over and sent a smile towards his girls as they left.

“At least she’s polite. That seems to be a lost skill for this generation.” Barb commented, tapping her nails against the counter top.

“Yeah she is. Listen, she’s going to be a staple in my life and Janey’s for the foreseeable future. So just try and keep the comments to a minimum. Good luck at your meeting.” And with that, Cooper left his ex-wife’s presence.

When he left the house, he felt like he could breathe again. Letting out a sharp exhale, Howard did not notice his ex-wife watching him from the window with a mournful expression. He opened the car door and smiled at the sound of laughter.

“Now what are we laughing about in here, huh?” He pressed, turning towards his daughter and lover. They shared a look and giggled to themselves once more.

“Nothing. Just laughing about the new advertisement that Janey saved.” She replied, showing Cooper the clipped out image. It was the same one that she had been lamenting over earlier in the hot tub.

“Gotta say darlin’. Clown look is a good look on you.” Everyone laughed at that, and Cooper handed the image back to his daughter before driving out and away, back to his house.

“Can we get ice cream?” Janey piped up after a minute. Cooper looked in the mirror to his daughter, and then over to his lover in the passenger seat.

“Well, I don’t see why not. Whatcha say, Nuka-Cola? Want a Nuka-Cola float?” He teased, squeezing her thigh when she slapped his shoulder.

“Maybe a root beer float. Do you know the chemicals in Nuka-Cola?” She quipped back, holding Cooper’s hand tightly in hers on her lap.

“Alright, well, let’s go get something for y’all’s sweet tooth.” They continued driving, talking, and laughing all the way to the ice cream parlor. And it was there,the Cooper realized that he could find a second chance at love and a family.

[ot9snumber1]

siren song

siren!sana minatozaki x reader

summary: dahyun gets your crew shipwrecked. jeongyeon says she's got it under control. you take a walk to clear your head—clearly not the best idea.

warnings: smut, blood, manipulation(?), 2yeon!, implied death(s) but the main one is up to interpretation, i know nothing about pirates nor sirens i'm making things up

notes: just wanted to write something based on the dive teasers and ended up making it way longer than my usual fics,, i also couldn't help but insert misamo in this. u guys know me and misamo...

also, dedicated to the lovely @royaltozaki <3

wc: 3.2k

"damn it!" you yell, kicking a rock in frustration. dahyun trails behind you as you pace around the beach, muttering constant apologies.

"captain—"

"enough! do you realize what you've done?" dahyun shrinks at your tone, nodding and looking even more guilty. "what if we're stranded here forever? you have no idea how hard it is to get rescued—hell, i don't think we have enough supplies to last us two mon—"

you had dahyun cornered against a tree. voice laced with venom, seeing pure red as the younger girl did her best to hold back tears.

your scolding was cut off by jeongyeon putting a hand on your shoulder. "y/n." she says, her tone not exactly harsh, but very far from the usual banter she'd have with you.

"lay off the poor girl, will ya?" jeongyeon frowns, moving to stand between you and the newbie. "she's doing her best."

you cross your arms, jaw clenched and staring at her like she was crazy. the taller woman sighs, nodding understadingly. she couldn't blame you for being mad—you were just doing your job as captain, after all. she just wished you wouldn't be so harsh on dahyun.

"look, i've got it covered. jihyo and i are working on the engine, nayeon's preparing lunch for everyone." she says, a gentler tone this time as she puts both hands on your shoulders. no matter that you were the captain now, you'd always be the little girl she and nayeon rescued in her eyes. "take a walk, okay? it's a beautiful island, it'll help clear your mind."

you grumble, looking away to think as you tapped your foot on the sand repeatedly. she's right, you were just letting your frustrations get the best of you. "fine." you mumble, storming off without another word.

jeongyeon sighs.

"i wouldn't worry too much about her," she says as she turns around, putting her hand on dahyun's shoulder this time. "she's just sensitive about this stuff."

dahyun looks at her, puzzled. jeongyeon nods, already knowing what she was going to ask. "she lost her girlfriend—tzuyu—in a wreck a few years ago. it was the one expedition where she wasn't there."

"she's captain now—give 'er some space, okay? she just wants to protect us, you included." jeongyeon reassures her, giving a smile and squeezing her arm before leading the both of them back to where the others were.

—

you curse to yourself as you trip over another root, kicking the tree that it belonged to. you wipe the sand off your front and sleeves, brows furrowing as you take deep breaths.

this definitely wasn't helping, you think. you huff, finding yourself in an area fenced off by rocks. the tide wasn't high, leaving more than enough room for you to sit and draw on the sand.

you sit, the waves barely crashing against the tip of your shoes. you take back what you thought—it was as beautiful and peaceful as jeongyeon described, you were just too stubborn to let it calm you down.

your focus goes to the wet sand in front of you. scooting closer, you shiver when you feel your pants begin to soak. the waves reach your ankles.

you keep staring at the dark sand, watching how the water continues to crash against it. leaving rocks and shells only to bring them back with it the next time a wave crashes.

without giving it much thought, you trace a heart into the sand. the next wave only consumes half of it, you redraw that half quickly.

the initials of you and tzuyu's names are written shortly after, a small smile gracing your face before the wave crashes back and takes tzuyu's inital back with it.

"what's up with you and taking my love, hm?" you scoff and toss a small stone into the water, attention back to the waves that continued to crash against your shoes and the cuffs of your pants.

"this is dumb." you mutter, running a hand through your hair. you cringe when you feel the strands that stuck to your sweaty skin. "jeong was right. mind cleared, time to go." you stand up, not even attempting to wipe the wet sand off your pants. you'd just gross yourself out.

"i don't think you've cleared your mind."

you whip your head around. that wasn't a voice you were familiar with. was your crew followed?

a giggle follows and you shiver, grabbing a small knife from your belt. "i'm not afraid of a fight." you say, getting into a protective stance. "i've taken the loves—"

"i don't care what you've taken." you see something—someone emerge from behind a rock in the water, head just barely peeking above the sea. "unless it's me, of course."

she smiles, her eyes dangerous.

"put that thing down." the mystery woman says, pointing at the knife in your hand. you shake your head.

"i said put it down." she seems to sing through her words this time, kind smile replaced with a deep scowl. you were about to tell her to piss off until you hear a quiet thump beside you.

you look down. when did you drop the knife? you were just holding it with an iron grip just a second ago—

"come here."

you were too busy trying to process what just happened to even realize that your legs were walking towards her.

"what the fuck?" you gasp once the cool water hits your chest. "what do you want? what are you? why are you—"

she laughs once more, finally face-to-face with you. "isn't she cute, girls?" she hums. you feel something wrap around your legs, her arms pulling you closer by the waist.

you look down, going stiff at seeing what exactly was holding your legs together. a tail.

a siren's tail.

you panic instantly, trying to free yourself from her grip. her grin only grows as a hand goes over your mouth and another pair holds your arms together.

you look to your side—another siren, black hair and blunt bangs squishing your face a little too hard. you look to your other side, a third siren, long black hair—long enough to cover her chest—held your arms tight against your body.

you look back to the one in front of you, light brown hair and a stare that burned straight down your core.

"a little feisty, though." the one holding your face says, squeezing a little harder when she feels you open your mouth to protest.

"doesn't matter, they're all the same anyway." the brunette—you assume she was their leader—muses, carefully moving the hand away from your mouth. you open it to say something, but she just shakes her head.

you can't seem to form words after that.

"hm," she whispers, face just inches from yours as she gets lost in thought.

"momo, mina, leave. this one's mine." she commands. they leave your side almost instantly, you sigh out of relief when you regain control over your arms.

"bring leftovers home for us, yeah, sana?" momo quips before disappearing into the water with mina.

you look back to sana. she was still staring straight through you, her gaze never left. not even to bid her girls goodbye.

"sana is a pretty name." the words leave your mouth before you can even think. what the hell were you doing? she was about to kill you, for fuck's sake!

the siren raises her eyebrows, a seductive smile gracing her face. "you're not concerned that she implied that i'm going to eat you?"

she observes you. every breath you take, every blink and every time you have to peel your eyes away from her cleavage. nothing goes undetected in her eyes.

you take the time to think. what exactly were you feeling? you were tzuyu's. you swore you always would be, no matter what. it's not like you were committing to anything with the creature holding you captive. hell, you were 100% sure she'd just gotten into your head.

jeongyeon had always warned you about sirens, but you never believed her. in your eyes, she was just trying to keep you from getting out of her sight.

now you couldn't keep your eyes away from sana.

maybe you were just sexually frustrated. she is very attractive for a monster known to kill pirates. then again, that's how they get 'em. or you're just bored. maybe it's both.

"...no?" you'd given the answer much thought, yet you were still unsure. sana feels her hunger and desire grow tenfold.

she grins again and you catch a glimpse of her razor sharp canines. "for a captain, you're really stupid. i like you." she hums, giving you exactly a second to process her words before crashing her lips onto yours.

this was wrong, so terribly wrong. you were kissing someone that wasn't your tzu and breaking the promise you made to jeongyeon about not daring to look at a siren.

you tense up and she notices, prompting her to move a hand to your neck and hold you still. unsurprisingly, her touch was ice cold. you moan involuntarily at that.

she wasn't even choking you or anything, she just felt so good against you.

"not so bad, huh?" she whispers when she pulls away to grant you a breath. sana hums something you couldn't comprehend and you nod, the action completely out of your control. "mhm, that's what i wanted to see."

you finally gave up trying to distinguish what were your choices and what was controlled by her song. your body belonged to her now, as far as the both of you knew.

sana kisses you again, trying not to smile too much when you sigh into it. her tongue swipes against your bottom lip, making you whine against her mouth once more.

you part your lips, wanting to feel her tongue against yours. instead, you feel her sharpest teeth pierce the skin of it.

you pull away, hating the taste of blood. you watch it drip down to the water before looking up at sana, her mouth dripping in your blood too.

"what? it hurts?" she grins, leaning in for another taste. "let's get you cleaned up, then." you have no time to respond before you're pushed into the water. (thankfully, you screwed your eyes shut before she did so.)

the wound on your lip stings. you try to swim up, but sana just pulls you back down and continues kissing you like it were nothing. her tongue goes in and out, you can feel her sharp nails scratching against your waist. at least her lips on yours distracted you from the pain of it all.

you feel her lips on your neck. your breath would hitch, but you can't breathe—you don't want to breathe. not necessarily craving death, but if it meant you'd never have to live with the fact you were letting this happen, it didn't sound terrible to you.

you're pulled back up, but she hardly lets you breathe anyway. one hand on the collar of your dress shirt, stopping you from escaping (as if you were trying to) and another rubbing your pussy through your pants. you weren't her first victim, you were sure of it now.

"wait—wait, sana—"

she finally pulls back for more than a second, pouting. "it's not very fun if i give you everything you want."

you raise an eyebrow, panting as you wipe blood off your lips. "this is the first time you've let me breathe since you pulled me into the water."

sana tilts her head, biting her lip as she looks away from your bleeding lip and up to your eyes. "cute. i can only give you one thing, you know? that's how we keep it fun, darling."

"now choose: the ability to breathe freely," she seems uninterested as she tears the buttons off your soaked shirt. "or let me do whatever i want?"

her eyes flit back up to you.

"well?"

"i was told to kill your kind, you know."

sana laughs again, backing you up against a large rock. it was incredibly attractive, like listening to death come collect your soul.

—

jeongyeon frowns when she sees that nayeon still hadn't touched her food, nor had she even sat down after telling everyone lunch was ready.

she gets down on the shore again, walking towards nayeon. the older woman was just standing, barefoot on the sand and letting the waves cover them in sand.

"worried about her?" jeongyeon asks, voice as gentle as the shore as she stands beside her lover. nayeon nods, leaning her head on her shoulder. "of course i am."

"she's strong, nay. she'll come back and forgive dahyun, trust me."

"not about that, jeong." nayeon mutters, fiddling with her necklace now. jeongyeon purses her lips.

"give her ten more minutes before i look for her, okay?"

nayeon nods, feeling a small weight lift off her chest. "okay."

—

"fuuuck, sana!" you groan as her tongue swirls around your nipple, her fingers pinching the other. you take a fistful of her wet hair and desperately attempt to push her head down to your pussy.

"got somewhere else to be?" she asks, her free hand replacing her lips as she straightens up. "...yes. your head has somewhere else to be, too." you mumble in frustration, face flushed.

"right." sana teases, opting to suck more hickeys into your neck instead. you were even more pissed now, but you found yourself too weak to protest against how fast she wanted to do things. she licks the fresh mark, making you whine.

"you hungry? your mom was making you lunch before this, no?"

"she's not my mom!" you reply, your mind wondering how sana knew about nayeon. then again, she'd probably been stalking you since you got shipwrecked here. "and i'm not hungry."

"i am." sana husks against your ear, chest heaving against yours. you tense up again. "calm down, i'm not going to devour you like that."

"not yet at least." she mumbles as she undoes your pants. you didn't allow yourself to laugh. "not funny." you mumble, she shrugs. "wasn't trying to be, darling."

sana lowers herself, kissing across your stomach while pulling your pants down. she takes your hands and forces you to hold them together. "do not touch me."

you weren't going to anyway, in fear of her using her song on you again. you learn to stop trying to predict her behavior. now you physically couldn't let go of your hands, just watching helplessly as sana descended into the water.

your leg gets thrown over her shoulder and she immediately latches onto your clit.

you hiss, her mouth warm compared to the cool water enveloping your entire lower half. you hear her faint giggles as her nails dig into your thigh, lapping up as much of you as she could.

her tongue was moving faster than you could think—in and out, swirling around your clit, moving anywhere and everywhere to coax those delicious sounds out of you. she was a relentless predator and you were just meek prey.

you whine through clenched teeth when you feel yourself rapidly approaching your climax. you didn't want to cum for her at all—much less give her the satisfaction of making you do so this quickly, but everything about her was so alluring and you were incredibly desperate to feel something after so long.

you make the mistake of looking down at her, bucking your hips up when you realize her eyes were still on you the whole time.

she lifts you up out of the water, both of your legs over her shoulders while her hands moved to steady your hips. you were practically laying on the smooth rock, hissing from the slight burn it gave you.

the filthy sound of sana eating you out was much easier for you to hear now and it drove you crazy. your thighs close around her head as you continue grinding against her face, making her smile against your lips. "cum, darling. don't be so scared of me." sana whispers, breath hot against you.

you stop fighting against it, cumming hard when she kisses your clit. your body relaxes quickly after, panting and focusing on trying to form a coherent thought that you didn't bother to notice sana was singing again.

sighing out of relief when you realize she was giving you control over your hands again, you lean up slightly only to see her climbing on top of you.

"we're not done, captain." she whispers against your wounded lips, capturing them in another kiss.

you try not to cringe at the feeling of her slimy tail against your legs.

—

"y/n, it's not funny anymore. you're going to give nayeon a heart attack!" jeongyeon calls out, sighing when you're not hiding out in a clearing amidst the trees.

it's been nearly an hour since she started looking for you. how far out could you have gone?

jeongyeon continues walking, her pace quickening the more she thinks about finding you passed out on the ground. she'd never forgive herself if anything happened—going on a walk to clear your head was her idea after all. (she'd never forgive herself for how nayeon would react, either.)

"y/n, i'm serious!" she calls out once more, reaching another part of the beach. her heartbeat quickens once she sees footprints.

—

your hands were on sana's boobs, one massaging and the other pinching at her nipple. she moans into your mouth, her hands going over yours.

"rougher, darling. how many times do i have to tell you?" sana says, smiling when she sees how tired you were when she pulled away from your lips. you were doing your best to catch your breath, hating that you couldn't keep up with sana.

it's not like you could shove her off you and kill her anyway, you could hardly move your legs as is. you hate that you fell into her trap—that you let her plan unfold.

there wasn't a single merciful bone in her body either. she was only keeping you alive to torture you at this point.

sana's lips reattach to your neck, kissing harshly but not leaving any more marks for the sake of keeping your head attached to your body.

her ears perk up when she hears someone calling your name from a distance, the fins extending as she looked towards the direction of the voice. you did too, heart dropping at the sight of jeongyeon looking around and yelling your name. you pray that sana dragged you out far enough for her not to spot you like this.

"ah, what a shame. that's our cue, darling." sana hums, letting herself fall back into the water and pulling you with her. you struggle against her grip, using the last of your strength to push her away. still, she was hardly exhausted. she easily captures you once more, holding you tight and forcing you to watch jeongyeon's figure on the shore grow smaller and smaller.

"don't worry, it's not the end for you yet." sana whispers, her lips grazing your ear. "you've been my favorite to ruin, darling."

you feel tears run down your cheek as you both submerge under the water once more. you don't bother to close your eyes anymore, the ocean didn't sting as much as it did years ago anyway.

sana sings again, her voice muffled in your ears. everything goes dark the second after she stops.

"rest up, darling." sana smiles, her arms tightening around you.

[kokonqui]

Walks in, people are really doing the “my white man has done nothing wrong in the narrative ever because he is autistic and autistic people can do nothing wrong actually” with Dungeon meshi

Read down below for my thoughts on people pulling this shit

Before I start, maybe pick up a book from school and practice how to read a narrative and learn content analysis,

it’ll really help because I don’t know what the hell else to say to people who are bad at reading subtext and putting context into practice at this point

I see the sentiment of “Kabru is actually evil because he actively murders people-“ as if the story isn’t actually like super nuanced and complex in its’ dynamics between races

and y’all can only really see a man that has personally gone through nothing but tragedy have a proper reaction to not having that tragedy handled properly and go “because he is a brown man he is inherently violent and therefore bad for my white man because of these story beats” with the type of stupid white person reaction.

The subtext went out the window huh, he gave the viewer ample context and reason as to why it happened he was going to kill the body retriever group, WHO WAS TRYING TO SAY TO HIM THAT THEY WERE GOING TO MUG HIM. AND KILL HIM AND SPLIT THE MONEY THEY MADE FROM GAMING A SYSTEM THEYVE BEEN EXPLOITING, WHICH HE DIDN’T DO.

Dying to monsters is one thing but someone like a retriever artificially upping the amount of people who die in a dungeon while also actively disrespecting the rules that the dungeon has by doing that fits perfectly into Kabru’s moral compass and motivation. Do you think that wouldn’t bother him? Sure, he has learning to do himself in regards to monsters and all, but do people really think he’s a monster actively incapable of change, when he’s stated in text that he believes himself to be a monster due to the things that have happened to him? Do you think he doesn’t blame himself and have survivors guilt from what he went through? Or do we think because Kabru lies and he warps and he cheats only to start realizing that the Kabru we’re shown doesn’t even know where he himself starts or ends. This is not trying to justify his actions. I am explaining his thinking. Of course He’d kill the retrievers.

And I think he would kill the Canaries if he had the chance to. I think the Retrievers were an active stand in for his feelings towards the Canaries.

When you build a life speaking lies after your previous status quo crumbles, how the fuck are you supposed to differentiate your own behaviors from the lies you grow into saying to make sure you don’t get close enough to people to be hurt as badly as he was as a kid. He is a sole survivor of a tragedy, and he reacts accordingly, and you all just want to antagonize him.

Did we forget who we’re talking about in comparison here, or are you guys that focused on justifying a man who clearly was used, exploited, and literally lost his mother because some group who thought themselves to be higher than due to their longer life cycles decided to destroy his whole life because it created a slight inconvenience

god you lot are truly fucking insufferable and can’t let characters be complex without woobifying or flanderizing them to be more digestible.

Let characters be complex.

You don’t have to like them all the time, You don’t have to agree with their actions.

You don’t have to agree with a character all the time for you to like a character’s writing.

[dotthings]

I have some thoughts about Cas after seeing Misha’s comment on why Cas wasn’t in TW so let me put these bullet points here:

* Many Cas fans latched onto “Cas helped” like it was the only rope thrown to us in a sea of Cas erasure because that’s what it was. If I’d had to believe for the past four years that Cas was trapped in The Empty I would have gone out of my mind and I was already out of my mind due to the various fails of the series finale. Not judging since I get the appeal of a rescue arc but did people really want Cas helpless in The Empty, limp, asleep, trapped in his own regrets for the past four years of realtime (also that’s not canonically how Cas went to The Empty, I’ll get to that). It sounds miserable

* Nobody said “Cas helped” was adequate, ftr. We said it was an info dump and it was the last ditch attempt to give us something after the covid regs/CW Network butchered the finale story and Misha’s part was cut. An info dump isn’t the best way to tell a story but is sometimes a necessity in TV storytelling because of external circumstances

* Cas had earned better from the story and pretty much all the Cas lane all knew it. I was bitter about it. But also it’s what was available as a clue to Cas’s fate. We had Bobby’s line and Dean’s smile as a lantern in the darkness

* If Cas was intended to still be in The Empty why in the og version was he at the bar with Dean if the intent was for him to be trapped in The Empty

* No shade at Misha. Just thinking it through. CMP doesn’t retcon. CMP fills in the blanks and recontextualizes

* one of the great things about 15.18 was Cas’s self actualization story and that when The Empty took him he was fulfilled. Not empty. Cas saved himself—The Empty would have no power over him beyond trying to whisk him away. That is canon. Cas’s self actualization also means something to many Cas fans. The inadequacies of 15.20 don’t make the messaging and implications of 15.18 (and the story leading up to it) less worthwhile and people are still allowed to find Cas’s story meaningful. Even if we’re relieved and happy a follow up is seemingly on the way finally

* The rescue is a great story idea, Misha was maybe just speculating at CCS, or wanted to make fans happy, but I’m not dismissing that perhaps it’s a hint about some revival plans and I feel all tingly

* It doesn’t have to be incompatible with Cas saves himself. Perhaps Cas redesigns Heaven from The Empty

* Reminder that Cas is a cosmically fearsome really stubborn self-realized BAMF who was taken fulfilled and can cancel out possibly even destroy or absorb and transform The Empty’s…energy. Reminder Cas and Rowena were paralleled characters, Rowena wound up as ruler of Hell, while Cas ———-abandoned to a question mark but gee what could it be *looks at Rowena*

* Let me float this scenario. Dean goes to save Cas…and finds Cas sitting on The Empty’s throne, having taken over and reformed the place. Dean’s just staring poleaxed with happiness to find Cas and because he expected Cas to be asleep. Cas, calmly, “Hello, Dean”

*I know some people have speculated about this already. And with whatever insight and power he gained maybe he could have redone Heaven remotely. Maybe Cas at the bar is after the “rescue” — maybe he needs Dean’s help to exit The Empty even if Cas overpowered it. Who wants to clown with me about Cas King of The Empty *honk honk*

* There’s also the question of missing time and pov for Dean between the moment of his death and his arrival in Heaven and what if Cas guided Dean’s soul—lost and confused—somehow but sticking a pin in that for now

Anyway it seems very very likely we are getting a follow up to 15.18 and Cas’s story that finally gives him his full due.

*HONK HONK*

And hearthands for Misha and Jensen both watching over Cas the way they did. Misha realized a cameo wasn’t adequate, Jensen agreed, wholeheartedly, Cas deserved a full follow up not just a cameo with no explanations or deeper story, we knew this already actually but it’s good having Misha on video summarizing it. (It’s possibly due to Harvey Dent that Misha only had time to do a cameo, btw. Not because no one thought Cas should have more screentime).

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

You know it isn’t truly a marriage and wedding if the people getting married haven’t had had a bachelor/bachelorette party

what I’m trying to say can we PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Get a one shot of Adam and Lucifer at their respective bachelor parties Adam with the girls and Angel, and Lucifer with Husk and his brothers Mammon and Ozzie(since we all know Alastor being there is out of the question)

"Come on, it's motherfucking party time, bitch!" Angel shouted as he shoved Adam towards the hotel door. "You're getting married and we are throwing you a bitching bachelor party."

"Fucking sweet!" Adam exclaimed, he couldn't believe that him and Lucifer were finally getting married after all these years. "Is that what I think it is!?"

"A party bus!" Angel said as he showed it off. "We will be riding around the city and stopping at bars and clubs. We are gonna get fucked up!"

"Not too fucked up I hope. We do have to tie the knot tomorrow." Came Lucifer's voice from behind Adam. "Have fun."

"You too, Ozzie and Mammon should be here soon, yeah?" Adam was pulled into a goodbye kiss that lasted a little longer than needed.

"Come ON! You have your whole afterlife to suck each other's faces, let's go before Charlie changes her mind." Angel said.

Adam rolled his eyes and pulled away. "I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you." Lucifer watched as Adam got in the bus and it drove away and at that moment a portal opened with his brothers coming through.

-

Adam was greeted by Charlie, Vaggie, Cherry and the whole interior of the bus decked out with decorations.

Mainly dicks.

Adam laughed, "Holy shit look at all the dicks!" There was even penis pasta. Angel put a sash and plastic brown on Adam's head. The word bride was crossed out and the groom written below. "Thanks...."

Angel grabbed some shots. "Let's fucking go!"

Everyone cheered and did a shot as they were off to their first destination.

-

Lucifer, Ozzie, Mammon, and Husk sat around the lobby drinking bourbon. Alastor didn't want to participate and frankly Lucifer considered his absence a wedding gift.

"I remember when you brought that sinner down to lust when he got dosed with a love potion." Ozzie mentioned as he drank his drink. "Little shit humped my pillow."

"Ha!" Mammon laughed.

"Ozzie! You promised to leave that one alone." Lucifer said, he knew telling embarrassing stories was a part of this, but damn!

"Oh hush!"

"Oi! I remember when you first introduced me to your mate, what a spit fire he was yeah." Mammon recalled. "Wanted to rip his head off, the attitude on that one."

Husk chimed in with his own. "You think that's bad? Try living with them as they danced around their fucking feelings for eachother."

Lucifer hid his face in his hands. This was going to be a long night.

-

Adam did so many shots he lost count. They were at their third location, which was a strip club. Apparently, everyone organized for him to get a special strip tease.

The whole time he was watching this guy strip and move seductively, the more his mind thought of Lucifer. Sure this guy was hot, but he wasn't his King.

When he was done Adam felt so flustered. "That was something."

"Are you excited to get married tomorrow Adam?" Charlie asked, they formed a special bond over his time in Hell.

"Fuck yeah! You know what that means, I'll be your step-dad." He turned to Vaggie who was looking sour. "I'll be your fucking father-in-law bitch!"

Vaggies eyes went wide. "Oh shit."

Angel came up and handed Adam another shot. "Bottoms up bitch!"

Adam threw it back. He was feeling pretty drunk at this point but he didn't want to stop.

Charlie wasn't drinking cause she was driving and Vaggie was so pussy whipped she only did what her girlfriend did.

So it was Adam, Angel, and Cherry getting beyond wasted together. Speaking of which, it was time to get their dance on!

-

Lucifer wanted to disappear into the couch as Husk kept talking about how he and Adam were obviously in love for the longest time yet they avoided each other.

And they both ranted about their mutual pining to Husk. Fuck him.

"One time they got so drunk at the bar they actually started flirting with one another." Husk said, the others were listening to his every word. "That's when the short King here made a move."

Ozzie gasped. "Noooooo, while drunk? Not classy Lucifer."

"I barely remember that night." Which was a lie, he remembered it. It was one of the first times he made out with Adam.

"Well I do. You shared this sloppy drunk kiss before you took him to bed."

Fuck he missed Adam. He'd be able to get Husk and everyone else to shut their hole.

Lucifer really couldn't wait to marry him.

-

Fuck Adam missed Lucifer, at least then he could be held as the fucking bus spined in his vision.

Currently he was eating that pasta dry, anything to help absorb some alcohol.

"This tastes like ass."

Angel snorted. "Which is funny cause it's little dicks." He took some for himself.

"This has been fun but now I'm just trying not to fucking puke." Too much to drink, he'd be lucky if he didn't throw up.

"You're just not used to drinking still." Cherry said from her spot on the couch. "Being old doesn't help."

If Adam wasn't drunk that would have pissed him off. He just focused on his stomach and thought of Lucifer.

He couldn't wait to marry him, at long last.

[lunajay33]

Guardian🩶

Summary: You’re Sam and Deans little sister and they always looked out for you, so when you feel like you disappoint your dad, they all remember how fragile you are

Pairing: Big brother Deah Winchester x little sister f!reader, big brother Sam x little sister reader, Father John x daughter reader

•Masterlist•

Growing up as the youngest in the family of hunters was rough but being a girl was even harder, you always tried your best to live up to your fathers expectations and be as strong as your brothers but in some way you felt like you always fell short

Now you were all older, Dean was 26, Sam was 22 and you were 19, Sam finally came back from College after his girlfriend died but now it was just the three of you on the road since John had left to go on his own hunting

Sitting in the back of the impala on the way to another case you were unusually quiet and the guys noticed

“You okay back there?” Dean asked looking at you from the rear view mirror

“We have bigger things to worry about” you mumble not wanting to add to the bigger case here

“Hey you’re out baby sister you matter more than some case, so what’s going on?” Sam asks as he turns in the front seat to look at you

“I…….i miss dad, i feel lost without him” you don’t mean to but the tears drip down your face something you rarely did which shocked them, seeing the panic on their faces you wiped your tears and balled up in the back seat

“He’s been gone months you’ve seemed fine” Dean states you knew they missed him too but your relationship with your father was different you are his little girl even if you didn’t always make him proud

“It’s nothing”

“Come on Angel”

“I just don’t wanna lose anyone else, I love you both more than you could know and I love our time together, but I want dad too”

“We’re here” Dean said pulling up to the motel, you all settled in tired from a long drive

“I’m gonna go see Meg I’ll bring food on the way back” Sam said after he hung up the phone probably talking to this Meg chick

Now it was just Dean and you sat across from each other on opposite beds

“Dean can I ask you something” you ask biting your lip anxiously, after your father left you felt the weight of disappointment crushing you

“What is it kid, you’re so glum today”

“Do you think…..do you think dads proud of me?” His eyes widened but you could see the hurt

“The hell are you talking about, he loves you, you’re probably his favourite”

“I think he left because of me, because of the way things happened on the last case with just me you and dad, I made a mistake and I disappointed him and he left, I didn’t mean to”

“Baby girl you did nothing wrong, he just had a case he needed to work on alone, said it was too dangerous for us to go” he said sitting next to you in the bed wrapping his around your shoulders

“Maybe I should leave, I always held you guys back anyways”

“Hey don’t talk like that you’re family you’re not going anywhere you hear me?” He grunts out

You sigh mentally and physically exhausted

“I think I’m gonna turn in early” you say crawling up the bed and pulling the covers up, you slept through the night not even waking up for dinner when Sam got back

The case went on and you all did some digging, you were looking through a book when you found that symbol again, it was used for ancient spirits that someone could use to their will, Sam had found Meg’s hide out and so you all drove down there

“Y/n you’re sitting this one out” Dean says as you all get out of the car that’s blocked a street away from Meg’s building

“What why I can help”

They loaded up on weapons like usual

“Because kid you’re not in your right mind right now, it ain’t your fault but I just want you to take it easy for this one, just stay in the car we will be back in no time” you wanted to fight Dean on this but the look he gave you shut you up, you didn’t wanna disappoint him too

“Okay just be safe”

You sat in the car waiting and waiting until you saw them in the rearview mirror running across the street running in the direction of our hide out, you got out running behind them but they were farther ahead than you, when you got to the hideout room you heard screaming, you bust into the room seeing shadows slashing at Dean Sam and……and John, you run infront of your father taking the harsh slashes from the spirits, you can feel you stomach being shredded, claws run down your face then you felt 4 long claws go straight through your back, gasping for air that you couldn’t inhale, you drop to the floor the pain unimaginable

Sam sets off a flare destroying the spirits, someone dragged you out into the hallway as you came back into focus seeing the three of them watching over you

“Daddy I’m sorry, I just…..*gasp* wanted to make you proud” then everything fades quickly leaving nothing but black

John, Dean and Sam brought you to the hospital, waiting for your diagnosing the nurses helped patch them up, they waited in your room sitting around your hospital bed praying you’d wake up

“How is she doc?” Dean asks as the doctor walks in to check your progress

“This was one angry bear, slashing is one thing but to stab its claws through her is strange behaviour” they boys looked at each other hoping the doctor believed the lie

“But we’ve done all we could, she lost a lot of blood we just have to wait for her to wake up, sometimes talking to patients who are unconscious helps bring them back, might wanna try it” he said before he left the room

Sam held you hand as he pushed back stray hairs that stuck to your face

“Please pull through, you’re the glue that holds us together, the person who brightens our hellish lives, we need you” he sighs resting his head against your intertwined hands, John and Dean had a war going on inside their heads, Sam always had a different relationship with you than Dean, Dean was crazy protective and still saw you like you were the baby he first held, Sam saw you like his twin, his confidant and the only one in the family who understood him, and those last words you said played over and over again in Johns head

They stayed there for hours just waiting for any sign that you’d wake up until eventually they all passed out from exhaustion, you woke up late in the night, the only thing that lit the room was a lamp on a near by table

You try to sit up but let out a little scream when you feel the wounds that littered your body, waking the others up, they stood by your bed , John at your right Sam next to him and Dean on your left

“Sweetheart you’re up, you’re one tough cookie” John says resting his hand against your cheek

“Are you guys okay?”

“We’re not the ones who are in the hospital bed Angel” Dean smiles squeezing your hand

“I just wanted to help, wanted to protect you daddy” when you called him that it struck right through his heart, remembering how you’re really just his little girl the one who’d stay up late into the night at the end of the motel beds waiting for him to come back, squealing when he’d walk through the door jumping into his arms

“I’m sorry baby girl, Dean told me what’s been going on and you have to know, even though I can be a hard ass sometimes I love you more than anything, I remember when your mother first had you and I held you in my arms I knew I’d do anything to make you happy and safe and I know your brothers felt the same, I’m sorry I left and made you feel like I was disappointed in you, you’re the strongest young lady I know, especially to have to deal with these two all day everyday, I love you sweetheart, my hope” by the time he was done you were a blubbering mess finally letting out all this pent up emotions

“I love you too, please don’t leave me, I need you dad”

“I’ll stay angel, I’ll stay”

[take-it-on-the-run]

Claire Novak Playlist

"I kill monsters. That's who the hell I am."

A/N: RAHH I love Claire sm. Also, I wish this was longer, so I'm probably going to add to it if I find any more songs

Francis Forever // Mitski

I don't need the world to see; that I've been the best I can be, but; I don't think I could stand to be; where you can't see me

Lost Cause // Beck

I'm tired of fightin' ; fighting for a lost cause

Make Me Wanna Die // The Pretty Reckless

And everytime I look inside your eyes (I'm burning in the light); you make me wanna die

Brand New City // Mitski

I should move to a brand new city; and teach myself how to die

All I Need // Radiohead

I am a moth; who just wants to share your light; I'm just an insect; trying to get out of the night

Motion Sickness // Phoebe Bridgers

I have emotional motion sickness; somebody roll the windows down; there are no words in the English language; I could scream to drown you out

Gilded Lily // Cults

Always the fool with the slowest heart

Skinny Love // Bon Iver

Come on, skinny love, just last the year; pour a little salt, we were never here

First Love/Late Spring // Mitski

And I was so young when I behaved 25; yet now, I find I've grown into a small child

Working for the Knife // Mitski

I cry at the start of every movie; I guess 'cause I wish I was making things too

Taking What's Not Yours // TV Girl

You know where to find me; and I know where to look

Cinnamon Girl // Lana Del Rey

There's things I wanna say to you; but I'll just let you live; like if you hold me without hurting me; you'll be the first who ever did

[megumichansthings]

Imperfectly,Perfect

🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿

Ran Haitani x Reader

U were not perfect,but he was everything about him was perfect.It made u inescure to theur breaking point so u left.He never understood why u left..but everything changes when u meet again

TW:insecure reader,bodyshaming,angst,break up,cursing,rindou beeing a snitch,alcohol,drugs

🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿

Ran was casualy going about his day when u told him u wanted to break up,he held it for a Joke at first but u were serious.His mind was racing with toughts did i do someting wrong?Did i say someting wrong that offended her?.Ran just looked at you in shook.

„But why babe...please...tell me what did i do wrong“his voice sounded shaky.

But u never answered him u just stood up and left.As he heard the Front door fall into its lock his heart shaterd.His head fell into his Hands as hot tears streamed down his cheeks.

„fuckkkkkkkkk.......fuck“ ran cursed to himself,was it the alcohol was it the drugs he sometimes used was it that.

A familiar voice brought him out of his trance.

„She broke up with you didnt she “ said his brother.

„Yes she did.....“ he wishperd and looked up at his younger brother,

„Do u know why“rindou asked him.

Ran just shook his head and then looked down.

„I know why....u know i am good at reading people and she was just like a open book“

„So then tell me why she broke my heart“ tears welled up in his eyes again.

„Shes insecure...she views you as too hot to this to that for her and she views herself......“ Rindou wanted to say.

„She views herself as imperfect i know but she knows i am not perfect i am the incomplete and unperfect one “ran whisperd

🌿

Two weeks,it were only two weeks and u felt like shit.U loved Ran more than anything in the Universe but he was just so he was way too hot for u and all the girls who hit on him are much more pretty than u. Everyday without Ran was hell u woke up in a cold bed,u passed all the spots where ran and you hung out when u went to work,it was torture.

The only thing that kept u from thinking about ur looks and ur ex boyfriend was ur work.Those 8 Hours of disstraction were good,u dont have to think about anything exept getting ur work done.As u left ur work building at 9 u noticed someone standing near the entrance that seemed....familiar.

„Rindou what are u doing here“ u asked the youinger Haitani Brother.

„We are holding a Party this friday at 10 i want u to come “he said dryly.

„Ran wants me to come hmm“ u hummed.

„No,i want you to come.And i know the exact reason why u broke up with him“his purple eyes looked into ur soul.

„And the reason is....“u asked annoyed.

„Ur inescure u think ur fat ugly and u cant do shit and that Ran is perfect and that one day he will think that ur ugly and all that “Rindou nailed it,it was the exact reason why u enden things with his Brother.

„But how would you fell when u see so many girls hitting on him that look so much better tan yourself,ran deserves so much more than me than a dan loser that is insecure as fuck and ugly and...“a tear slipped down ur face mid sentence.

„Tell that Ran and not me......so i will expect u on Friday“he left u with that sentence.

🌿

It was Friday.Today was the Party and Ran hopped that u would come,he was in need to talk to you,he needed to clear things with you.Cause if not he would slowly start to go insane.

The music was loud and the party was i full go,but there was no sight of u.Ran stood on the second floor of the appartment and looked down at the guests he was in such a trance that he did not notice that a female was standing beside him.

„U are so lost in your toughts pretty boy what are u thinking about“she slurred.Was probably drunk.

„Leave me alone i have a fucking girlfriend u dumb bitch“he lashed out at her.

The woman left the second floor and Ran looked back down,but there was no sight of u.

„U have a girlfriend hmm“a voice beside him whisperd.

As he looked besid he saw ur pretty face.

„U came“he sounded surprised.

„I know i am late but i needed to get some work down sry“u apologized to the male.

„No worries love“

„So Rindou told u what i said...to him“u asked.

„Yes he did“he hummed in response.

„What made u think i am perfect.....“

„Ran u hair always looks good and mine is greasy after only two days,u go to the gym daily i only walk and thats not doing much for my body i am still not at my dream weight,u look good in everything while i look fat and so ugly in everything.....“u wanted to contine but u felt two fingers gripping ur face.Ran turned ur face towards you.

„SHUT the Fuck up u look good“he said in a angry tone.

„Babe u are the most perfect thing i have ever seen ,no women EVER compares to u not to ur beauty and ur pretty body u look like an angel from heaven.If u think that any girl compares to you u are delusional as fuck ur the only one to for me u understand“

Tears formed in ur eyes as u looked up into his unique purple eyes.

„Thank u....i love u ran“u whisperd.

And both of ur lips connected.Ran was pressing his body against yours,he broke off the kiss and looked u into the eyes.

„Dont do that to me again“his voice sounded vunerable and almost hurt.

U made ur answere clear by pulling him into a heated kiss.

🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿☁️🌿

[old-school-butch]

I was quite clearly being facetious, but you're so hell bent on being a smug dickhead, I guess. How about reports that Hamas accepted a deal that was brokered that included a return of all hostages, and Israel rejected it? Weren't you saying they just needed to return the hostages? Weren't you using that as a justification that it's okay for children to be murdered because those children should just get Hamas to return the hostages?

Riiiiiiight. You totally knew you were ingesting Qatari state propaganda, probably from those 'reports' you read about that big bad Israel waging war against a place entirely populated by children something something... and that's how Jews murder babies. Blood libel never ends, huh.

You're really skipping over the fact that taking civilian hostages is a war crime in the first place and that most countries, including the U.S., wouldn't negotiate with terrorists who did this at all. Israel is not only negotiating with terrorists, it's being asked to enter talks to establish them as governing a state on its borders which, again, is not something I see most countries ever being asked to contemplate.

I don't think this entire war was a good idea exactly because of this problem - you really, really shouldn't negotiate with terrorists because doing so allows them to stay in power, and terrorists are just gonna terror. Israel is already under pressure to rebuild Gaza, because no one expects Hamas to rebuild anything for some reason, but it opens up a world of problems. It would be better for Israel to cut its losses and just stop getting involved in Gaza at all - no rebuilding, don't hire Gazans in Israel, just set up a Palestinian state under the PA and make them actually do the work of governing. Everyone's a revolutionary until they have to write up a tax code and manage a health care and education system and actually try to care for their civilians. If UNWRA didn't take care of all that, Hamas or the PA might actually start thinking about their own people as more than a rich source of future martyrs. In fairness, Israel knows this and has asked the UN, US as well as several Arab states to take over governance of Gaza but no one wants the job, and now if Israel gets saddled with it, they will just get blamed for everything yet again. And is Israel is tasked with rebuilding Gaza while Hamas retains power? ...the countdown to the next war starts all over again. But unfortunately we're on this path now and there are limited ways out of it. I definitely think Israel is making mistakes here, but Hamas is acting exactly as terrorists should be expected to act, and when you dance with the devil all roads lead to war.

The problem with taking hostages is that they die in captivity over time, and although Hamas has never confirmed who they took, how many they have and how many are still alive, they are still trying to use hostages as leverage to stay in power and have their own fighters released. Israel is increasingly unwilling to let Hamas stay in power for what at this point? The return of a pile of dead bodies? Israel's government is under pressure by both the right wingers who want to continue and expand the war and the hostages' families who want their loved ones released. Bibi is focused on security, which makes sense, but is roadblocking any path to a Palestinian state which, as I said, I think is a huge mistake.

By the same token, Hamas only wants to exist so it can keep terrorizing Israel, and is indifferent to the cost of this war to its own population. They are still trying to win this war despite losing it in every technical measure you can think of. But if you don't mind thousands of your own people dying, or your soldiers all dying as martyrs and you certainly don't mind enemy civilians dying... well, its suddenly hard to lose the war. Seriously, what do you think would have to happen for Hamas to say 'oh wow, we've lost this. We should unconditionally surrender and work towards peace?' This is why negotiating with terrorists is a bad idea, they really have no motivation to ever stop using violence to achieve their political goals, but if they achieve their political goals... well the dying just keeps spreading. So, they still are ready to fight to win, and Israel will keep fighting to remove Hamas because it wants territorial security. And so, there will be more war, which is sad thing indeed.

Oh and while all you useful idiots are setting up your pro-terrorist encampments and protesting as if the U.S. is actually in a war and not pulling every diplomatic string is has to negotiate a peace, you should welcome your new dictator Trump before he's elected because once he gains power I am not convinced he will ever let it go and he keeps a detailed list of his political enemies. New opportunities will emerge for terrorists and other totalitarian regimes to build their empires, wars will rage and you will think longingly of these days when your biggest concern was a small, conventional war half the world away.

[lover-of-mine]

.

[hauntingblue]

Oden's prophecy of young pirates coming to save wano becoming yamato's hope for his freedom.... and him becoming oden because of it.... it's just so good... on the other side luffy taking ace's spot for liberating yamato... I think I hauve covid

[scarletiswailing347]

just finished reading delilah's statement, there was a lot of things in it that was either only tangentially related to the allegations or straight up unnecessary to put (in particular: putting in media references and cc metrics several times as flavor text, detailing the don turnt situation with no claims of whether or not permission was granted by the affected party, namedropping certain ccs who had nothing to do with the allegations, and putting the tweet and yearbook photo of one of the ppl who put forward that zam was a bully with no claims of whether or not permission was granted) which contributed a lot to the 47-page length

honestly so far what im getting is that there was a Lot of toxicity on multiple sides like not even just between zam and delilah

[siobhanromee]

had the most miserable experience today.

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

logically i know that merlin was being made over ten years ago and that’s why it’s Like That but also i cannot help but be completely captivated by the Like That of it.

[verystressedcollegestudent]

if there's one thing i hate more than slackers in group projects its goddamn hypocrites

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Google’s enshittification memos

[Note, 9 October 2023: Google disputes the veracity of this claim, but has declined to provide the exhibits and testimony to support its claims. Read more about this here.]

When I think about how the old, good internet turned into the enshitternet, I imagine a series of small compromises, each seemingly reasonable at the time, each contributing to a cultural norm of making good things worse, and worse, and worse.

Think about Unity President Marc Whitten's nonpology for his company's disastrous rug-pull, in which they declared that everyone who had paid good money to use their tool to make a game would have to keep paying, every time someone downloaded that game:

The most fundamental thing that we’re trying to do is we’re building a sustainable business for Unity. And for us, that means that we do need to have a model that includes some sort of balancing change, including shared success.

https://www.wired.com/story/unity-walks-back-policies-lost-trust/

"Shared success" is code for, "If you use our tool to make money, we should make money too." This is bullshit. It's like saying, "We just want to find a way to share the success of the painters who use our brushes, so every time you sell a painting, we want to tax that sale." Or "Every time you sell a house, the company that made the hammer gets to wet its beak."

And note that they're not talking about shared risk here – no one at Unity is saying, "If you try to make a game with our tools and you lose a million bucks, we're on the hook for ten percent of your losses." This isn't partnership, it's extortion.

How did a company like Unity – which became a market leader by making a tool that understood the needs of game developers and filled them – turn into a protection racket? One bad decision at a time. One rationalization and then another. Slowly, and then all at once.

When I think about this enshittification curve, I often think of Google, a company that had its users' backs for years, which created a genuinely innovative search engine that worked so well it seemed like *magic, a company whose employees often had their pick of jobs, but chose the "don't be evil" gig because that mattered to them.

People make fun of that "don't be evil" motto, but if your key employees took the gig because they didn't want to be evil, and then you ask them to be evil, they might just quit. Hell, they might make a stink on the way out the door, too:

https://theintercept.com/2018/09/13/google-china-search-engine-employee-resigns/

Google is a company whose founders started out by publishing a scientific paper describing their search methodology, in which they said, "Oh, and by the way, ads will inevitably turn your search engine into a pile of shit, so we're gonna stay the fuck away from them":

http://infolab.stanford.edu/pub/papers/google.pdf

Those same founders retained a controlling interest in the company after it went IPO, explaining to investors that they were going to run the business without having their elbows jostled by shortsighted Wall Street assholes, so they could keep it from turning into a pile of shit:

https://abc.xyz/investor/founders-letters/ipo-letter/

And yet, it's turned into a pile of shit. Google search is so bad you might as well ask Jeeves. The company's big plan to fix it? Replace links to webpages with florid paragraphs of chatbot nonsense filled with a supremely confident lies:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/14/googles-ai-hype-circle/

How did the company get this bad? In part, this is the "curse of bigness." The company can't grow by attracting new users. When you have 90%+ of the market, there are no new customers to sign up. Hypothetically, they could grow by going into new lines of business, but Google is incapable of making a successful product in-house and also kills most of the products it buys from other, more innovative companies:

https://killedbygoogle.com/

Theoretically, the company could pursue new lines of business in-house, and indeed, the current leaders of companies like Amazon, Microsoft and Apple are all execs who figured out how to get the whole company to do something new, and were elevated to the CEO's office, making each one a billionaire and sealing their place in history.

It is for this very reason that any exec at a large firm who tries to make a business-wide improvement gets immediately and repeatedly knifed by all their colleagues, who correctly reason that if someone else becomes CEO, then they won't become CEO. Machiavelli was an optimist:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/microincentives-and-enshittification/

With no growth from new customers, and no growth from new businesses, "growth" has to come from squeezing workers (say, laying off 12,000 engineers after a stock buyback that would have paid their salaries for the next 27 years), or business customers (say, by colluding with Facebook to rig the ad market with the Jedi Blue conspiracy), or end-users.

Now, in theory, we might never know exactly what led to the enshittification of Google. In theory, all of compromises, debates and plots could be lost to history. But tech is not an oral culture, it's a written one, and techies write everything down and nothing is ever truly deleted.

Time and again, Big Tech tells on itself. Think of FTX's main conspirators all hanging out in a group chat called "Wirefraud." Amazon naming its program targeting weak, small publishers the "Gazelle Project" ("approach these small publishers the way a cheetah would pursue a sickly gazelle”). Amazon documenting the fact that users were unknowingly signing up for Prime and getting pissed; then figuring out how to reduce accidental signups, then deciding not to do it because it liked the money too much. Think of Zuck emailing his CFO in the middle of the night to defend his outsized offer to buy Instagram on the basis that users like Insta better and Facebook couldn't compete with them on quality.

It's like every Big Tech schemer has a folder on their desktop called "Mens Rea" filled with files like "Copy_of_Premeditated_Murder.docx":

https://doctorow.medium.com/big-tech-cant-stop-telling-on-itself-f7f0eb6d215a?sk=351f8a54ab8e02d7340620e5eec5024d

Right now, Google's on trial for its sins against antitrust law. It's a hard case to make. To secure a win, the prosecutors at the DoJ Antitrust Division are going to have to prove what was going on in Google execs' minds when the took the actions that led to the company's dominance. They're going to have to show that the company deliberately undertook to harm its users and customers.

Of course, it helps that Google put it all in writing.

Last week, there was a huge kerfuffile over the DoJ's practice of posting its exhibits from the trial to a website each night. This is a totally normal thing to do – a practice that dates back to the Microsoft antitrust trial. But Google pitched a tantrum over this and said that the docs the DoJ were posting would be turned into "clickbait." Which is another way of saying, "the public would find these documents very interesting, and they would be damning to us and our case":

https://www.bigtechontrial.com/p/secrecy-is-systemic

After initially deferring to Google, Judge Amit Mehta finally gave the Justice Department the greenlight to post the document. It's up. It's wild:

https://www.justice.gov/d9/2023-09/416692.pdf

The document is described as "notes for a course on communication" that Google VP for Finance Michael Roszak prepared. Roszak says he can't remember whether he ever gave the presentation, but insists that the remit for the course required him to tell students "things I didn't believe," and that's why the document is "full of hyperbole and exaggeration."

OK.

But here's what the document says: "search advertising is one of the world's greatest business models ever created…illicit businesses (cigarettes or drugs) could rival these economics…[W]e can mostly ignore the demand side…(users and queries) and only focus on the supply side of advertisers, ad formats and sales."

It goes on to say that this might be changing, and proposes a way to balance the interests of the search and ads teams, which are at odds, with search worrying that ads are pushing them to produce "unnatural search experiences to chase revenue."

"Unnatural search experiences to chase revenue" is a thinly veiled euphemism for the prophetic warnings in that 1998 Pagerank paper: "The goals of the advertising business model do not always correspond to providing quality search to users." Or, more plainly, "ads will turn our search engine into a pile of shit."

And, as Roszak writes, Google is "able to ignore one of the fundamental laws of economics…supply and demand." That is, the company has become so dominant and cemented its position so thoroughly as the default search engine across every platforms and system that even if it makes its search terrible to goose revenues, users won't leave. As Lily Tomlin put it on SNL: "We don't have to care, we're the phone company."

In the enshittification cycle, companies first lure in users with surpluses – like providing the best search results rather than the most profitable ones – with an eye to locking them in. In Google's case, that lock-in has multiple facets, but the big one is spending billions of dollars – enough to buy a whole Twitter, every single year – to be the default search everywhere.

Google doesn't buy its way to dominance because it has the very best search results and it wants to shield you from inferior competitors. The economically rational case for buying default position is that preventing competition is more profitable than succeeding by outperforming competitors. The best reason to buy the default everywhere is that it lets you lower quality without losing business. You can "ignore the demand side, and only focus on advertisers."

For a lot of people, the analysis stops here. "If you're not paying for the product, you're the product." Google locks in users and sells them to advertisers, who are their co-conspirators in a scheme to screw the rest of us.

But that's not right. For one thing, paying for a product doesn't mean you won't be the product. Apple charges a thousand bucks for an iPhone and then nonconsensually spies on every iOS user in order to target ads to them (and lies about it):

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar

John Deere charges six figures for its tractors, then runs a grift that blocks farmers from fixing their own machines, and then uses their control over repair to silence farmers who complain about it:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/31/dealers-choice/#be-a-shame-if-something-were-to-happen-to-it

Fair treatment from a corporation isn't a loyalty program that you earn by through sufficient spending. Companies that can sell you out, will sell you out, and then cry victim, insisting that they were only doing their fiduciary duty for their sacred shareholders. Companies are disciplined by fear of competition, regulation or – in the case of tech platforms – customers seizing the means of computation and installing ad-blockers, alternative clients, multiprotocol readers, etc:

https://doctorow.medium.com/an-audacious-plan-to-halt-the-internets-enshittification-and-throw-it-into-reverse-3cc01e7e4604?sk=85b3f5f7d051804521c3411711f0b554

Which is where the next stage of enshittification comes in: when the platform withdraws the surplus it had allocated to lure in – and then lock in – business customers (like advertisers) and reallocate it to the platform's shareholders.

For Google, there are several rackets that let it screw over advertisers as well as searchers (the advertisers are paying for the product, and they're also the product). Some of those rackets are well-known, like Jedi Blue, the market-rigging conspiracy that Google and Facebook colluded on:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedi_Blue

But thanks to the antitrust trial, we're learning about more of these. Megan Gray – ex-FTC, ex-DuckDuckGo – was in the courtroom last week when evidence was presented on Google execs' panic over a decline in "ad generating searches" and the sleazy gimmick they came up with to address it: manipulating the "semantic matching" on user queries:

https://www.wired.com/story/google-antitrust-lawsuit-search-results/

When you send a query to Google, it expands that query with terms that are similar – for example, if you search on "Weds" it might also search for "Wednesday." In the slides shown in the Google trial, we learned about another kind of semantic matching that Google performed, this one intended to turn your search results into "a twisted shopping mall you can’t escape."

Here's how that worked: when you ran a query like "children's clothing," Google secretly appended the brand name of a kids' clothing manufacturer to the query. This, in turn, triggered a ton of ads – because rival brands will have bought ads against their competitors' name (like Pepsi buying ads that are shown over queries for Coke).

Here we see surpluses being taken away from both end-users and business customers – that is, searchers and advertisers. For searchers, it doesn't matter how much you refine your query, you're still going to get crummy search results because there's an unkillable, hidden search term stuck to your query, like a piece of shit that Google keeps sticking to the sole of your shoe.

But for advertisers, this is also a scam. They're paying to be matched to users who search on a brand name, and you didn't search on that brand name. It's especially bad for the company whose name has been appended to your search, because Google has a protection racket where the company that matches your search has to pay extra in order to show up overtop of rivals who are worse matches. Both the matching company and those rivals have given Google a credit-card that Google gets to bill every time a user searches on the company's name, and Google is just running fraudulent charges through those cards.

And, of course, Google put this in writing. I mean, of course they did. As we learned from the documentary The Incredibles, supervillains can't stop themselves from monologuing, and in big, sprawling monopolists, these monologues have to transmitted electronically – and often indelibly – to far-flung co-cabalists.

As Gray points out, this is an incredibly blunt enshittification technique: "it hadn’t even occurred to me that Google just flat out deletes queries and replaces them with ones that monetize better." We don't know how long Google did this for or how frequently this bait-and-switch was deployed.

But if this is a blunt way of Google smashing its fist down on the scales that balance search quality against ad revenues, there's plenty of subtler ways the company could sneak a thumb on there. A Google exec at the trial rhapsodized about his company's "contract with the user" to deliver an "honest results policy," but given how bad Google search is these days, we're left to either believe he's lying or that Google sucks at search.

The paper trail offers a tantalizing look at how a company went from doing something that was so good it felt like a magic trick to being "able to ignore one of the fundamental laws of economics…supply and demand," able to "ignore the demand side…(users and queries) and only focus on the supply side of advertisers."

What's more, this is a system where everyone loses (except for Google): this isn't a grift run by Google and advertisers on users – it's a grift Google runs on everyone.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/03/not-feeling-lucky/#fundamental-laws-of-economics

My next novel is The Lost Cause, a hopeful novel of the climate emergency. Amazon won't sell the audiobook, so I made my own and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter!