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lovesaadiqa · 4 years ago

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BBL Costs, Prep + Recovery

Im booked!! I talked to a few friends who I know either got this surgery or is getting this done. I wanted one since forever but I wanted my teeth done first. The deciding factor came down to my birthday plans.

Originally I was going to do a birthday tour. First weekend of October in Miami for carnival, 2nd weekend in Atl for Freak Nik, 3rd weekend in Bahamas and finally Nola for the finale. Well Nola was just hit with a storm so yeah that’s out. Once I totaled up the flights, hotels, food and spending money.. I was like hmm, I can get a fat ass and started this process. Immediately looked into surgeon and Dr. Pena was my favorite, his bodies come out so mf snatched, he’s located in Columbia. Columbian surgeons can take out way more fat than American doctors however, the fatality rate is stupid and ultimately the factor that made me choose an American doctor.

The next step was choosing the surgeon for the body I have and the one I want. I weigh 151 and im 5′6″ I’m considered a “skinny bbl”. I started researching doctors in Atlanta (so I could recover at home) and Miami (like duh). I chose to go with Dr. Desouza in Miami with CG Cosmetics for a few reasons. First, I love the look of his skinny bbl’s on other women with the same body type, weight and height as me. Secondly, he was having a special for the end of the year (lipo 360, bbl, jplasma for $6500 for the surgeon I wanted) this almost sold me but it was the surgery date!! Jplasma is skin tightening procedure to help with loose skin, you can only get this with lipo. When they perform lipo they created canals under your skin to remove the fat.. well those same canals are essential when getting Jplasma.

Ok so I decided on the surgeon, contacted the cosmetic group and had a consultation which is pretty much just front, side and back view pictures.. I think they use this to make sure you don’t need a tummy tuck prior to surgery. They also asked me questions about previous surgeries and if i’ve ever had anesthesia. The next step went pretty quickly, we talked about what would be lipo’d (abs, waist, back.. I wanted inner thighs, an additional 2k, but was advised to wait on my pre-op to decide), when I wanted to book and how I'd pay. My consult was on August 30th.. I bitched up when she attempted to take my payment. I am a money hoarder and spending that much money made me feel like I was being financially irresponsible. I called one of my Aunt’s who I felt wouldn’t judge me and also give me sound advise. We talked about my fears, why I was getting the procedure and of course money. My Aunt gave me excellent advice, reassured me and is a professional CNA who offered to accompany me so yeah I dare not turn that down, lol. August 31, 2021, I called my coordinator (the contact between me and my surgeon) and told her I wanted to book, she asked me when I’d be ready and I requested first available which was 9/20/21!! Excited is an understatement.. I'd be 24 days post op on my birthday. After I calmed down I paid in full for multiple reasons: had to in order to secure the date, all surgeries book in this year had to be paid in full, it was the only way to get the discount.. My coordinator gave me so much information I couldn’t see straight (I was also high as shit off life thinking about a fat ass and me in the same sentence).. she emailed + texted everything, congratulated me and we hung up.

I get the emails: “raise you hemoglobin with these vitamins” I purchased vitamin C $2, folic acid $2, iron $3 and floradix $35 - amazon, I take them as directed on the bottle and start eating my ass off (just to give my surgeon more to work with, lol). Talking to one of my gf’s I realize I have to be cleared for surgery?!?! What? I open my email and sure enough I have to have blood work done 15-20 prior to surgery, it was 9/3 and a Friday.. SHIT!! I fly over to an Piedmont Wellstreet urgent care facility as recommended by my friend (she started this process as well so I was crazy grateful for her experience and that she shared it with me). Urgent care was full but opened the next day, my ass was in that line at 7:32 am, I was the 13th person in line and they opened at 8. I get to the desk and my appointment is at 10:30 and I'd have to pay the office visit fee to be seen, it was $155. I came back at my allotted time and was told how much all of my labs would be.. $302. My labs were to be processed and faxed to my surgeon by 9/9 because Labor Day weekend so.. yeah.

I discuss accommodations with my Aunt and realize it’s cheaper, safer and more beneficial for me to go to a recovery house. I search high and low baby and most of them were booked.. found one regardless with lymphatic massages included called Flawless Recovery House. This wasn’t my 1st-6th option but the one with availability on my surgery date so I paid a deposit to hold onto my spot. Total was $1312 for 5 days with 5 massages, I paid a $200 deposit. Next, I booked my flight, round trip $116 with Delta. My surgery date is on a Monday, I have to have my pre-op done on the Saturday prior so I booked a hostel from the 18th-20th on booking.com for $66. I know I could have gotten an airbnb or hotel room but I wanted this experience. I want to go to Amsterdam and stay in a hostel so I need to know what to expect. Also I cannot party, smoke, drink or eat before surgery so fuck it.. a hostel will do, lol.

I smoke big fucking weed and watched someone else’s bbl journey today and realize if I fail the drug test, my surgery will be cancelled and it’ll cost me $1500 to reschedule. Boy the shit sent me into panic mode like I've never experienced before, only to find out the weed isn’t the issue nicotine is, it slows down your heart rate. I can smoke weed just not out of a wood or a rillo and nicotine takes 3-4 days to get out of your system so a bitch barely made it. I just won't be smoking until I get back home lol. Just to be super informative no alcohol, diabetic meds, cocaine, pcp or anything that will fool with your heart or makes your bleed. Today is 9/11 and im one week out from my pre-op... my body is a joke cause I haven’t gained a single pound and normally it’s nothing for me to put on weight. I took my acrylics off, when you’re put to sleep they monitor your oxygen levels with those clamps they put on your fingers and they aren't the most accurate when you have on dark polish or acrylics. I also cannot wear lashes cause when they go to fill this ass in I'll be laying flat on my face. I mean my hair didn’t have requirements but I figure since im naked I might as well be bald.. y'all should see me rn, I look very much like a young man but im hype. I’ll be back later to tell y'all what I pack and purchase prior to my flight. Imma put the dates at the end of each update.. today is 9/11/21

My surgery group send me list of supplies that I would need and the cost came to roughly $1100. Naive me was definitely going to purchase everything on the list from them until I saw Leslie’s (@prettyhaute - on ig) bbl vlog. I went on amazon and got away with murder. Below I’ll list what I purchased and the price I paid versus what the surgery center was quoting me.

Faja - I paid $74.69 - Quoted $160.50 || BBL Pillow - $26.99 - Qouted $42.80 || Arnica pills - $8.95 - Quoted $37.45 || Compression socks - $13.99 for 3 - Quoted $10.70 for 1 || Foams - $17.99 for 3 - Quoted $64.20 for 3 || Scar Cream $$29.82 - Quoted $80.25 || Arnica Gel - $7.92 - Quoted $21.40 ||

There a shit ton of items on the suggested list that I didn't purchase but way more items that wasn’t on the list I still need for instance:

Crocs, benadryll, robe, adult diapers, straws, earplugs, liquid iv, stool softener, antiseptic body wash, avocado float, back board, urinal, pineapple juice, throat calm, 3 moo-moo’s and a massage roller (the crocs are the only thing on this list that cost more than $20). My flight is at 7:15a tomorrow and im so damn nervous but excited. I will spend Saturday and Sunday gallivanting around Miami and then body , ody, ody, ody, ody, ody. I still have to send my entire itinerary to my aunt but I think im all set. 9/17/21

Pre-op was packed but I went on Saturday and was in and out in an hour. I was charged for a covid $80, 3 post-op massages $150 and a drug test $20. I went over my clearance paper work with a medical assistant who also took 9 before pics of me. Keep in mind, your surgery can be cancelled or reschedule if all of you labs aren’t at the surgery center on pre-op day. I cannot stress how important it is to take your labs with you!!! Mine were faxed over from urgent care but I was also provided copies which I took with me. The photos were sent directly to my surgeon to analyze before surgery. From my knowledge, I was also to be fitted for my faja but that never happened, do NOT leave pre-op without a faja!!! I paid for 3 massages from CG totaling $150 which I regret badly. I do NOT recommend getting massages from the surgery center. There are 4-5 different surgeons performing surgeries on any given day and they do at minimum 4 surgeries per day, that’s at least 15-20 different girls with the same surgery and post-op date. CG had 2 massage therapists to drain 15-20 girls. I was drained for 9 mins, your drain massages should last at least 45 mins for maximum drainage. I only used 1 of the 3 massages I paid for and was denied a refund. That is a huge downside to CG once they have your money good fucking luck getting it back! Ps. Ellie was a royal fucking cunt!!!!! She told my medical assistant that I didn’t need a faja so I was never fitted for one and woke up out of surgery with a binder on versus a faja like I should have. I wanted to slap the shit out of her and took the charge on the chin but I wanted my surgery so I refrained.. I was put on a 12 hour fast and contacted an hour after pre-op with my surgery address and time. My fast started at 7pm the day before surgery and my surgery time wa at 6:30a, there was a $300 for showing up to surgery late. All I could bring to surgery was compression socks and a faja (that I didn’t have), I was instructed to bathe with dial (the orange one) before surgery to make sure my incisions weren’t infected, no lotion, perfume, deodorant, makeup, nails, lashes, no jewelry/piercing or hair products and no personals ie, purse money, wallet also you will need a companion or surgery will be cancelled. I’ll upload all my paperwork at the end. Surgery day arrive at the surgery center at 6:15 am how about the entire fucking staff was late! Bitch I was outside in Miami alone with compression socks on and a moo moo, LIVID. No one arrived until 7:10 am, baby I wanted to kill everyone but fuck it, it was go time. I’m escorted to a room, changed into a paper gown, piss tested, my labs were reviewed again and finally my surgeon comes in! We were in the exam room alone which was weird cause I was asshole naked but he kept it 1000% professional, he asked me what I wanted and I say “the fattest ass” he looked me dead in my eyes without a single hesitation and said “it’ll heal like a diaper” LMAO. I showed him areas that I wanted lipo’d to death and he marked me up, I didn’t aka e picture of my mark ups but shit was rolling by then, he walked out I put my paper gown back on and the anesthesiologist walked in. I expressed my biggest concerns to him, I didn’t want to die and I didn’t want to wake up during surgery. He explain why the drug test was so important because certain street drugs will have adverse effect with the anesthesia. My anesthesiologist walked me up to the surgery room and I hopped on the table, they put massage boots on both of my feet and inserted an iv, the mask was put on my face and my heart rate went to heaven, I wanted to shit myself bro. The anesthesiologist told me to make a tight fist, I asked what time it was, 8:08am.. I woke up to a nurse helping me into a wheelchair with a binder around my waist and I was scream crying because my entire body ached, I didn't know where I was and the anesthesia is no hoe. I was escorted to my recovery house’s transportation van and taken to my damn bed.

I chose Flawlesss Recovery House with Ms. Opal. I paid a $200 deposit before 2 weeks before surgery and the balance the day I left. I opted for a 5 day stay. I loved it there bro and couldn’t imagine trying to recover at a hotel or air bnb! There were nurses there 24-7, I was roomed with one other girl but the house had a total of 4 bedrooms, one of which no one occupied and the door was always shut but my room was the only room with 2 beds, the others had 3 beds. I had a call button, it was love, the nurses came expeditiously when I rang it. They made 3 home cooked meals per day and I don’t eat meat, they accommodated me with no hesitation. I loved it man. So couple hours after surgery I attempted to use the bathroom on my own and blacked out, the anesthesia is really fucking strong and took an entire day to wear off (for me), the nurses helped me pee in a cup until then. Post op day 9/21/21, I went in to make sure I looked good, got a faja finally and received that lousy as drain. Back to the recovery house I was able to walk finally w/o passing out and in went my foams, I also could pee by myself with the use of a urinal. I was constipated for 2 days, first bowel movement was on post op day 2. I paid for an independent massage therapist named Tatiana, she used a ultrasound machine to massage me so I cancelled her. When I took my faja off for my massage it was washed and dried by the time I was done, I took a shower and put my faja on with my foams. I cancelled Tatiana because don’t let nobody use no machine on you until you are at least 2 weeks post op, hand massages only. All the girls were getting massaged by the literal best massage therapist (in my opinion) her name is Brittany, I could cry she was EVERYTHING, I was tender but she put the painful massage theory to bed! She taught me how to drain myself and how to open my incisions without the q-tip looking thing. In 45 mins she drained 5 of those doggy pad things worth of fluid off of me. I received 4 massages in 5 days. I left on Saturday 9/25/2021 on Sunday, back in Atlanta, I received my 5th massage and that when I was told I have not one but 2 seromas. I swear on everything I love it was because everyone wakes up from surgery with a faja on but not me (Fuck you Ellie, lil bitch) I had on a binder (its what they use for tummy tucks). The lady who did my 1st massage in Atlanta was Bri, not gone post her ig cause she did a damn good massage but when I asked her to syringe drain me the good sis stuck this long ass needle in my seroma but could get the fluid out, cancelled her too (the massage was good asf tho but nah). Tired and tried I bit the bullet and booked a packed with Dream Body ($455 for 5 massage, I think, don’t quote me look it up on there site and follow them on ig) because they are the biggest name in Atlanta, Jayda Wayda goes to them. The most painful massage yet, yes Michelle lil ass is so strong but she will get the fluid up off you. She made me tear up bad and no matter how much I screamed or even tried to push her off of me she understood the assignment, Michelle helped me get back into my faja after my massage and told me my faja was too big and to have it altered. She recommended a lady on ig @siri2sir but to know me is to know I altered my shit myself. Allow me to tell y'all, I look good asf!!!!!!! 10/4/2021

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thevoilinauttheory · 4 years ago

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Okay but for the "Romance and friendship ship asks" - petition for you to just answer all of them, LiveJournal interview meme style, lol. (I'll do it too if you will!)

(( Okay, but first I gotta start with... I still don’t know wtf LiveJournal is. I, uh. I’m not an internet-savvy person, unfortunately (I’m *still* trying to figure out what xkit is and why it’s so important to tumblr, so I usually just smile and nod when it’s brought up lol). I can’t even figure out how to work twitter or facebook. The fact that I learned how to tumblr is a miracle.

And next: A lot of these questions are really heavily dependent on the situation I’m in, unfortunately! So some may not have very clear answers. I’m going to put this ENTIRE thing under the cut - for several reasons. One, it’s long. And two, there’s some sensitive material that’s either triggering [allusions to sexual assault and manipulative behavior ], or NSFW.

A huge thanks to @renofmanyalts, @spotofmummery, @lukawarrioroflight, and @cadrenebula for the asks on this meme! ))

So without further ado - here’s all of the answers to the questions for the “Romance and Friendship Ship Asks”!

1. When you RP a ship do you prefer to make everything be smooth sailing all the time or do you allow conflicts to arise?

I don’t mind either way, so long as my RP partner… y’know, talks with me. I’m reminded of an instance in the past where my RP partner wanted conflict, but took it to a whole other extreme to the point where it physically hurt to RP through. One of my characters, in a serious relationship with theirs; ended up kidnapped, drugged, and assaulted - resulting in the assailant getting pregnant. Now, when my character comes to - only semi-aware of what happened to them; absolutely distraught and hurting once they learned the truth; my partner’s character comes in and berates them for cheating, being unfaithful, not trying hard enough - essentially victim blaming. If I had been warned of this, I would not have agreed to playing this situation out. With adequate warning, however, I’m usually fairly open to anything. So, yes. It really does depend. I would prefer smooth sailing, and with warning, am very okay with conflict in a ship.

2. Do you like to RP smut when you RP a ship?

This one’s doozy lol. The base answer is, I do! I find the smut scenes to be very big character building situations - giving more detailed information on what a character is like in an intimate situation; what quirks they have, and whatnot. Sometimes it’s story building too - and I’m all about that story and character building. BUT. I will not. My IRL spouse is not comfortable with me doing so, and I respect that. So I will not ERP as long as they remain uncomfortable with it.

3. Do you like to plan a ship out or just let it happen?

Usually, all of the ships I have just… happen. Nothing’s quite planned except “what character would interact well with this one” - not with the explicit purpose of shipping (romantically), but more of seeing what kind of interactions can blossom. However, I’m not opposed to planning, if that’s what’s more comfortable with my RP partner.

4. Do you prefer monogamous or poly ships?

I, personally, have no preference. So long as the poly relationship is played out properly (i.e. the people who use being poly as an excuse to cheat/be unfaithful to their partner(s)). I don’t excuse people giving us poly folks a bad name. So I have no preference… but my characters do! Each preference is listed in their profile, whether or not they are monogamous or polyamorous / what their sexual and romantic orientations are. (tbh tho, all of them are negotiable)

5. Are there any characters that you want a ship for?

Ha ha. Yes. Quite a few, actually. (If not all of them, for shipping in a general sense.)

6. Do you like friend-with-benefits ships?

With warning ahead of time, yes. Whether IC or OOC - OOC is preferable, because some of my characters’ personalities make them very easily attached to others. The best example is Danny, with what some of the more recent ask answers show. And I want to make sure that the character is good for the situation. Though I do have a couple characters that would prefer to keep it at the “friends-with-benefits” stage, and if that’s a character or plot I want to play, I would ask my RP partner about it first.

7. Have you ever regretted a ship, romantic or otherwise?

Mmm… I want to say yes. I really do. Even the ones that screwed me over, though, part of me can’t help but cherish them in some strange way. Each one of them has been an experience for me and my character. But. I think… there is one yes in there. ...Maybe a couple, but all of those ships were with the same RP partner. At the time, though, those ships were my lifeblood - upon reflection… they were all pretty yikes. And I’ve got another friend as my witness lol.

8. Do you like to be friends with the people you have ships with?

I have to be friends with the people I ship with. I can do walk up RP with strangers, get to events and all that - but if someone is wanting a romantic ship with me, I need to know them as a person, not as their character. And I need them to know me as a person, too; that I’m not my character(s). Honestly, I prefer to be friends with all of my RP partners anyways! Ship or no! I like learning about people as they are, not just as their character(s) are.

9. What do you look for in a writing partner for ships?

Just… I guess, a decent person? That’s very vague, and that’s because it’s true. I want someone that understands that life gets in the way a lot, and that I might have to pause a thread or two until I can get myself situated. RP does not come before real life, and I want my partners to understand that as much as I do. I will drop threads with people who show toxic behaviors - not without talking to them first, of course, but if it blows up, then I’m done. I can’t put myself in a situation like that again.

10. Do you think romantic ships should be long-term?

Mm. This is another tough one. Which I think coincides a lot with the next question as well. If my partner wants a romantic ship to end, then as long as they talk about it with me, I’m totally fine with it - a day, two, a month, years? I don’t mind as long as I have warning, and things are talked through first. I’ll cover the rest of my thoughts on this in the next question.

11. How do you handle an absent RP partner that you have a ship with?

First, I’d be incredibly worried! I do have some friendships that disappear for a few months, then come back, and I don’t mind those at all. But if I make a new friend, and I don’t know if they’re prone to that, then I’d be worried about their safety! I’ll reach out first, as many times as I need to. I want to make sure that my friend is safe and in a good place. If they respond with “I’m alive, just stuff going on”, the ship won’t be dropped. I won’t drop ships due to absence, not right away - unless otherwise told to by my RP partner (maybe because they know they won’t be around, or they’re quitting the game, etc). If my RP partner is absent for a minimum of three to six months or longer *without* any sort of contact, I will tell them that there will be a pause on our ship and there’s a possibility of the character finding another… but also that if their life allows it, and they’re keen on it, I will pick up the ship again in the future. tl;dr: I want to make sure that my RP partner is in a safe place before I make any comments to dropping a ship.

12. How often do you think people should RP when they have ships together?

As often as it is comfortable for everyone involved. Whether that’s everyday, once a week, or twice a month. I, personally, have no issues with time. If RP isn’t being done, then I’m memeing or asking questions or putting terrible ideas into my RP partners’ heads.

13. Do you RP out all interactions or do you assume some things happen ‘off-screen’ with your ships?

Assumption, always. Even if we don’t play out those interactions, we’ll talk about them. “So it’s likely that [x] has happened during [x] time since [RP session]”. RPing out all interactions would take up a lot of time, and lead to a lot of disappointment - especially if you equate “one day irl = one day in RP”.

14. Is there anyone you know that you want to have an RP ship with (romantic, friendship, hateship, rival, ect.)?

My only answer to this is: yes, absolutely. My only clarification is: all of my wonderful followers - you all have such amazing characters, how could I not want a ship (in the general sense)?

15. What’s the most important thing you’ve learned when it comes to RPing ships?

The most important thing I’ve learned… happens to be two things. 1) Communication is your greatest tool. Not communicating with your RP partner about anything will cause everyone grief. If something makes you uncomfortable, if there’s a thread you want to try, if there’s a thread you want to drop - you need, need, NEED to talk to your RP partner. and 2) Your RP partner is a person, just like you. You cannot expect them to shit out a thread on command; nor can you expect them to write when there’s stress going on in their life. Your RP partner is your friend, and you should treat them as such. If the going is tough, make sure they know that they aren’t pressured into writing, and that you’re there for support. If there’s stress in your life, it’s on you to warn your partner - and trust that they treat you like a person too.

#a response for you: ooc #pls #if you are wanting a ship #pls talk to me

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steponmepinkjun · 4 years ago

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I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

#felix-bi-anon #asksteppie

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fmdkiana · 4 years ago

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【✧】━━━━━ 🌿 k i a n a i n t r o p l a y l i s t 🌿 ━━━━━【✧】

these are nineteen songs that i’ve been listening to while making kiana’s blog [x] some i came across, some randomly thought of, and some suggested by lovely muns i’ve been chatting about kiana to. since she’s a character that i’ve adapted for the purpose of famed, these songs have helped ground me in the person she is. i hope the songs and descriptions below will help you learn kiana a little better too

1. to be torn by kyla la grange

this first song was a suggestion from someone, and i think set the tune for the rest of my choices. apparently it’s from beauty and the beast? lol anyway it describes this desire to be torn, a carnal need to be used. the heavy sound of it is kind of haunting, a bit sad, but also strong. the emotion can be felt even without the lyrics. kiana has this part of her that deeply craves being important, whether it comes at her own expense -her own tearing- or not. also forewarning that a lot of these overlap on the same concepts. shrug emoji

2. intertwined by dodie

intertwined is a song that immediately came to mind for kiana after to be torn. when this song came out, many people saw it as a cute love story, wanting to be intertwined with a lover, and have them be the safe space when you have a troubled head. however, dodie made a video debunking this, against her natural inclination, because the song describes something severely unhealthy. the following music video also helped many people to see the gore that’s strung throughout the lyrics. it Actually describes a relationship where the participants have put all of their source of happiness in one another, and it’s left them codependent, but ever seeking more. kiana has this perpetual trouble in relationships, especially romantic ones

3. bite by troye sivan

i can be the subjective of your dreams, your sickening desire is a pretty good sum up of where the inspo comes from. it’s difficult, when talking about the negative parts of kiana, to not talk about her ex-boyfriend. i have lots planned to talk on so i won’t go on forever here, but it reminds me of how all it took was the tiniest invitation for kiana to “become his.” that’s how she works. come here puppy, don’t bite, and she’ll heel at your side forever. at least, back then. she’s someone who seems difficult, because she’s very asocial, but with the right formula, it could be so easy to slip her into your arms

4. hell in heaven by twice wish

this song is a bit similar to intertwined, i would say? someone who feels stuck, drowning in a “hell” that is only saved by a piece of “heaven/paradise.” yet they’re in between the place of hell and heaven, constantly confused of where they land, because they’ve placed their hope for salvation in this one, singular place/person. they want to be freer than they are, yet their salvation keeps them locked away. open the door to heaven, let me walk on the cloud. the day i’m trapped in you, save me, hold me tight

5. dinner & diatribes by hozier

a few different levels come from this song. while it was created with the idea of how tedious social gatherings are, the story that comes from it makes another world. kiana is asocial, and struggles with fear over social situations, which make something like dinner parties quite stressful for her. she’s also someone who isn’t fond of small talk, and more likely that type to say ‘talk to me about your deepest fears,’ but... she actually means it and isn’t saying it to be pretentious. she would much rather see the sickest, nastiest parts of someone, soak all of that up, than talk about whether the food was good. the music video describes this in part, but also gives a hades/persephone but worse type of story that is also quite kiana aligned. that’s the kind of love i’ve been dreaming of

6. creep by radiohead

i want you to notice when i’m not around. so fuckin special, i wish i was special, but i’m a creep. not to ‘have you ever seen me without this hat’ on you, but lissen! kiana is forever convinced she’s an outsider. the things she likes are more Cool these days than they were when she was a kid, but the feeling of being ostracized for liking them back then will always live with her. she’s an insecure overthinking fuck at times too. and also desperately wants to be someone special, and unique, as if having that would make her pain of feeling different worth it

7. seigfried by frank ocean

the meaning of this song is pretty different from how i view it in relation to kiana. for her, the focus is on the idea of ‘settling down’ being... acceptance of normality? her whole life, she’s been searching for someone and/or something that makes her feel special. she became an idol for this exact reason, dated her ex for that reason, seeks the relationships she does, thinks she could still have superpowers for this reason. but the truth is that she’s pretty normal. her hobbies are very normal people type things. her talents aren’t anything that would have her being called top of the line. her thoughts are all things other people have thought of. her booksmart intelligence isn’t any stronger than the average. she is very normal, and the tiny part of her that acknowledges that usually shoves it away. but on occasion, she wonders if she should accept it, and settle

8. gimme love by joji

gimme gimme love is all you really need to know lol kiana doesn’t stick around easily when she’s not being given the same kind of world-ending affection from those she’s chosen to share that with that she gives out. she gives at Least 110% of her love, affection, and loyalty into anyone that she has chosen to keep closest to her heart, and if she isn’t getting that back, she can feel dejected, unloved, and unimportant. she may give people like this a few chances to change, but her expectations, or “standards,” won’t change

9. pain by king princess

cos i can’t help turning my love into pain is the strongest lyric that ties back to kiana. the overall message isn’t as strong because king princess has a different view on a relationship as described than kiana. for her, it’s yet another kiana will put herself in the face of terrible parts of relationships. the trouble is that she enjoys it, and seeks it, thinking it’s the ultimate show of love. not to pain one another, but to be pained without them. also realizing after all these i should be saying this applies to her inner circle friendships as well, but the standards are just a little less heavy

10. any song by zico sun

not one for big gatherings, kiana likes to have her social interaction either through the wire, or in small groups (duos are best to her tbh) the song has an upbeat tune that contrasts against the lyrical meaning of something more about... any song will do, something to drag away the sadness that’s living inside. kiana functions a bit like that, always seeking her uniqueness to bust out and save her from her own mind thinking she’s not good enough

11. why won’t they talk to me? by tame impala

she is asocial, but that doesn’t mean being a hermit,, an otaku,, whatever you want to call her, is a life full of happiness. she functions very well on her own, but when she has that for too long, it can be damaging to her head as well, especially when she has inner circle friends or a romantic relationship. when not speaking to these people, the need for human connection seems unbearable to deal with, and anxiety runs rampant

12. alien by lee suhyun

her mama told her she’s alien, but actually it was herself telling herself she’s alien mixed with influence from pop culture making her want to be a superhero and kids who told her she was a freak, all coming together in the desire for weirdness to be a Cool thing. kiana will wish til the day she croaks that she will have a realization that she has a special power

13. stressed out by twenty one pilots

ki doesn’t care about the core message of this song. many people relate to oh no bills~ adult stress~ but kiana doesn’t. even if she wasn’t born into a family that could live comfortably, and didn’t become an idol making phat stacks, she would feel the same. to her, it’s an inevitability. HOWEVA the beginning lines are 1:1 for how she wishes to be something extraordinary, and is supa insecure that she isn’t. i wish found some better sounds that no one’s ever heard. i wish i had a better voice that sang some better words ... i was told when i get older all my fears would shrink but now i’m insecure and i care what people think

14. true crime by epik high ft. miso

not exactly 1:1 word by word, since there’s several perspectives coming in one song, however, the overall message i think can be summed in it’s a true crime to be without you. other lines like i’d open up my chest for your entertainment, that was the line that drew me to originally put this in the playlist. i’m not sure on a story behind the song, but it strikes me as something bonnie & clyde-esque? there’s themes of being on the run, lying on the pavement dying, stuff like that. that kind of relationship is strongly the ideals kiana holds for her romantic and close platonic relationships

15. shine by pentagon (shouldve been knight but bad bois image PLAYIN)

i cannot explain to u the random joy this dumb song gave me when it came out. it’s similar to power up like i just?? get so happy lol anyway the whole premise is like nerdy person has a crush n theyre like oh my god~ why would u like me~ i cant say i like u~ it’s super fucking cute. i’m a loser who loves you. yes, i’m a misery. to you, i’m a nuisance, i’m an outsider, but in this world, i only need you. that’s where the kiana part comes in strongest, or explains it in one sentence. she worries she isn’t enough for others but her affections are always incredibly strong. also she’s cute

16. tail by sunmi dimensions soloist 2

when i first heard this song, i needed to play it again to pay attention to the lyrics because i had the feeling it was kiana-esque. i was right, but i would say that it’s where kiana could go at her worst. has she been there? i’m not so sure. perhaps teetering on the edge of having her claws out, but really, for now, it’s just that the potential is there

17. she’s my religion by pale waves

so as to not repeat myself too much and because this is so much fookin writing already, this is another song that talks about how deeply and dangerously kiana falls into others. she’s no angel, but she’s my religion, always finding ways to numb the pain ... made me feel like i was finally enough ... she needs this love just as much as me

18. space cadet by beabadoobee

this song has similar themes to alien, but rather than about being special, it’s about being in a shitty place and letting your mind wander to create a better reality. ki has her interests, her extreme love of her fandoms, because it’s an escape for her. that’s not something i personally approve of, however, it’s a common reality for many people. living in these online spaces and thinking of these fictional worlds gives her a place to go to when the irl world is too difficult for her to handle

19. me! me! me! by teddyloid

you might think this is a meme addition and sure! to a degree it is! but i’m also going to talk about it as an actual piece of music and visuals. first we’ll talk about the music video. kiana feels complicated about the type of anime fans that oversexualize everything, so in general, she likes a message that’s against those types. the message of addiction tearing real life relationships apart also is something kiana sorta needs to hear. the lyrics of the song itself talk about an all consuming type of relationship, and dissects it to explain how it wasn’t love, but worship, which was dangerous to them both. it’s a song that kiana perhaps would need to take to heart, but i, as her mun, am unsure if she ever will. that depends on the connections she forms, and what types of people are goading her on, or trying to get her to stop

#yes i am dirty hit trash blame that little emo ass punk andy and all their dirty hit aus #there are so many things i wouldnt give a shit about if it werent for my having a connection to them thru my muses #i watched another anime thinking it was research for ki lol #for now i think i'll do boring tags like sung n if i change my mind i'll come back later #tunes

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yourfriendlyneighborhoodfanfics · 6 years ago

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The Only Spidey I Need

A/N: Hello! This is my first writing of any kind, I hope you like it!!! Feel free to like or reblog!

Warnings: SMUT...and a lot of it lol

“Peter, do not use this unless it is for a mission. Do you understand?” Tony looks at Peter dead in the eyes as he handed over the object. “And under no circumstances should it be used without my knowledge.” Peter nodded and grasped the small machine in his hands. Tony and Dr. Strange had been working on this for months, finalizing the tool with much secrecy until this moment. Peter knew more or less what it was, a portal between universes. But as to how to use it... “Mr. Stark, how do I use it?” Dr. Strange came up from behind Tony, speaking for the first time this whole interaction. “Tony and I created this device to be worn along with your suit, much like a watch. You press this button,” he tapped the side of the watch and a whole expanse of options came up, “and select a time or place and whether you are coming or going. I cannot stress enough that you need not use this, I almost want to just keep it here...” he grumbled, more so to Tony than to Peter. “I-I’ll keep it safe. I promise.” Peter nodded, smiling and scrolling through his options. Dr. Strange buried his face in his hands as Peter walked out of the room, eyeing Tony. “Do you really think this is a good idea?” Tony smirked, “The kid won’t drink water without my permission, Stephen. It will be fine.”

Peter finally made it home, swinging to the fire escape attached to the apartment he shared with you, and climbed in through the window you always left cracked for him. As he landed, he removed his mask and searched for you, hearing you in the living room watching television. He made his way into the room and saw you, sitting on the couch in one of his shirts, turning your head and smiling at him. “Hi, Pete!” He walked over and kissed you, long and sweet, before pulling away and kissing your forehead. “Hey, y/n.”

He walked towards the kitchen, smelling that you had made dinner. Broccoli and rice, your favorite. “That smells delicious, babe. Can I have some?” You smiled as you got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen. “Of course, love. Why don’t I make you a plate and you can go get changed.” He smiled and nodded, kissing you once again before exiting towards your bedroom.

You two had been together for three years now, and sharing this apartment for one of those years and a few months. You loved it, and you loved him. You couldn’t imagine life any other way then spending it with him. You smiled to yourself as you prepared him a plate, thinking about your sweet and loving boyfriend. But something had been on your mind. You had been thinking a lot about your sex life with Peter. Nothing bad, in fact the opposite. He was sweet and tender, but could also be domineering and aggressive. It all depended on what the moment called for, and you couldn’t get enough of it. However you had this one fantasy-

“Thank you baby!” He walked back up to you, slinking his arms around your waist to grab at the plate you had made him, before kissing your neck for a moment. You laughed, his hair tickling your jaw as he finally released you and walked towards the couch. “How was your day?” He asked, and you followed suit, grabbing the glass of water you had poured for him and sitting down next to him on the couch. You recounted your day, telling tales of stupid coworkers and your best friend’s silly antics that had kept you laughing for the majority of the day. Peter smiled and told you of his, the mission they had finally finished, how he got to train with Natasha for the first time today, and how tough she is on him. “Also, Mr. Stark made me something so cool, I can’t wait to show you!” He grinned ear to ear, he adored his mentor, and you knew it. Every time he even mentioned him his whole face lit up. “I can’t wait to see it!” You giggled in response.

The conversation died down for a bit, Peter gobbling up dinner in a comfortable silence. “Hey, Peter?” You asked, almost immediately regretting speaking up. He looked up at you, eyes reading your face expectantly. “Yes, love?” You smiled, nervous. “I um, I’ve been thinking. I don’t really know how to say it, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately...” You trail off, not making eye contact with Peter for fear of chickening out. You heard his plate settle on the table before he moved across the couch to you. “What is it?” He asked, concern filling his voice.

“It’s nothing bad!” You state, easing his worries, and you swallow before continuing, “well I’ve just been thinking about, maybe spicing things up a bit. I thought...well I-I have been thinking about a foursome.” You stared at the couch intensely, not daring to look up. “B-but the problem is, I don’t even know with who...” you finally looked up, trying to read Peter’s face. “Did you have any one in mind?” He asked, his voice hiding something. You knew it would be too much, you shouldn’t have said anything. You never wanted to make Peter feeling inferior, or that he wasn’t good enough. “N-no, not at all. I don’t even think it would be all that great honestly, just a passing thought.” You started brushing the topic off, chalking it up to a loss and moving on. “Besides, I would never want to be taken by anyone but Spider-Man.” You grin, kissing his lips. He eases into the kiss, body melting from what you could only assume was relaxation. Yeah, bad idea.

The night went on without a hitch, the topic not coming up at all as you both skirted the issue at hand and continued with your night. Before you knew it, it was late, and you were tired. You yawned from the spot your were curled up against Peter’s side and he smiled at you. “Time for bed?” He asked, standing up from the couch and picking you up in one swift motion, making you giggle and snuggle into his arms. “Mmhmm...” you mumble against his chest as he carried you to your bedroom and laid you down. After he undressed you both, he laid down next to you and let you snuggle up into him.

As you slowly drifted off, Peter lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Your honesty rolling around in his head. He got incredibly hot thinking about it again, finally able to release his emotions without scaring you off. The thought of bringing someone else in, well, he felt overwhelmed by the idea. It turned him on so suddenly he was scared you would get freaked out and bail. He toyed around with the idea in his head, trying to think of all the people he knew. Cap? Bucky? No way, not even opening the door to that, hating to compare himself to them. Natasha? He liked the idea, but wasn’t sure she would be game. After all, you two were kids compared to them. He struggled to think of people in your age bracket when his head fell to the side, seeing the watch sitting on the nightstand. He had honestly forgotten about it, his mind so full of lustful thoughts of you. Suddenly, your words rang through his head like a symphony, “I would never want to be taken by anyone but Spider-Man.”

The next morning when he woke up, you stayed asleep for a few more hours. He figured you would, you both had been up late but he needed a head start. He was going to have a very busy day ahead of him. He got out of the bed and put his suit on before grabbing the watch and toying with it again. He had a second thought about it, deeply considering turning it off. After all, Mr. Stark and Dr. Strange were VERY clear. He never wanted to disobey or disappoint Mr. Stark. But his eyes moved over to your half naked sleeping form and he grinned. How could he ever say no to that. He spun through the list of places before landing on New York City, year 2099, and selected it as the destination he was going to. After all of the shenanigans of what the Avengers has started referring to as “Spidergeddon”, Peter had lots of time spent with a variety of Spiders. Miguel seemed like the perfect place to start, so he pressed the button and like that, he was gone in a flash.

You awoke around 11:00 that morning stirring and reaching for Peter, who wasn’t there. It wasn’t a rarity, however you were glad it wasn’t common. You cherished the time you could spend with him. Even though you didn’t find Peter, you did find a note.

“Hey love, had to head out early for a mission. Will be gone most of the day, wait up for me? xx”

You knew exactly what that meant, and your mind started swimming with whatever little lacey piece your were going to put on tonight. You were so looking forward to it, you mostly forgot about the events of last night as you got out of your bed and started to get ready for your day. You were so eager, the thought hadn’t even crossed your mind that Peter told you last night the team had finished their mission.

You finally returned from work late that evening, much later than you expected, and you walked to the door. Your head spun with your responsibilities for the evening: the dishes, dinner, some mild cleaning before Peter made it home. But as you unlocked the door and stepped in, all of that slipped away as you heard chatter coming from just outside of your vision in the living room. You checked the time, confused as to how Peter beat you here and why he would bring guests home. Your instincts kicked in and you pulled your mace out from your purse that Peter bought you, constantly making sure you were stocked up on all self defense tools. You stalked towards the living room before Peter’s head poked around the corner and smiled at you. “Hey babe!”

You sighed in relief as you returned your mace and hugged his neck, scanning the room and realizing your first thought was correct. In the living room sat four people you had never seen before. A guy, Hispanic looking, with longer brown hair tucked behind his ears, sitting on the sofa. Next to him a younger looking guy, dark bushy hair, and a sweet smile. On the chair, a girl with short blonde hair that framed the side of her face extremely well, and finally...your eyes couldn’t process what they were seeing. Peter? But no. You were holding Peter. This guy was a complete replica of the Peter you know and love, but...blonde?

You took a step back and stared at your own Peter, confusion clearly showing on your face as Peter laughed and took your hand. “Y/N, I want to introduce you to some of my friends.” He began gesturing at each of them, impressively in the order you noticed them. “This is Miguel, Miles, Gwen, and Ben.” You watched as each of them smiled to acknowledge their name. You nodded at them, eyes still trained on Ben.

As Peter began talking you slowly pulled your eyes away from the man to look at him. “Love these, well, these are all Spider-Man.” As soon as he said it, it clicked. You knew of them, sure. Peter had come home about a year back from a particularly lengthy mission. He told you of a “multiverse”, a wide expanse of places and times similar to our own, and they were being threatened. “All the Spiders are so cool, babe!” You recall him excitedly telling you about each of them, recognizing them sitting in front of you now.

You smile at them, confusion starting to settle, though you couldn’t quite get past Ben. “Well, it’s really nice to meet you all. I uhm, I didn’t know we would be having guests, I didn’t really prepare anything-“ Peter hushed you and brought a bag of take out food from behind the chair, before proudly handing it over to you. You smiled gratefully, having almost no desire to cook for yourself, let alone all these people. You take the bag and sit down in the other chair adjacent to the couch, and opened your food.

“So, I remember Peter telling me a little about you all. What are your universes like?” You glance at Peter, checking to see if you got the term right, this was all so foreign to you. He nodded and gave you the validation you were looking for, so you looked back at the others as they, one by one, started explaining their worlds. Presidents, wars, their families, school. They laughed and piggy backed off of each other’s stories, clearly they all get along extremely well. You notice when Gwen speaks of her universe, her gestures and way of speaking is mesmerizing. You wouldn’t admit it, but her intellect and charming attitude had you hooked from the beginning.

Finally Ben explained himself, stating he was created as a clone by The Jackal, a villain you had never heard Peter speak of before. You were entranced, it all sounded so crazy, and yet, there they were. All sitting in your living room. This whole time you had assumed they were here to help Peter and the team with their mission, but suddenly you remember Peter’s excited statement that they had finished. “So uh, what are you all doing in this dimension?” You look around the room as each of their faces turn to Peter. Something unrecognizable was on all of their faces, something you noticed all along as they told you their stories, but definitely something you couldn’t place. Everyone is staring at Peter, except for Ben. His eyes stayed on you, a note that made you blush and turn towards Peter as well.

“Well I asked them here, babe. I figured they could offer a little bit of help into what we had talked about last night...if you are okay with it, that is.” Your brain travelled back to your conversation the night before, trying to pull on what Peter was getting at until it finally hit. And boy, did it hit. Your face burned a dark crimson as your eyes suddenly met each person in the room individually. You couldn’t get any words out, now realizing the look they each held the whole time, lust.

“P-Pete, I-I don’t understand, I-“ he cut you off, pulling you close and sitting you down in the chair with him. “You told me last night you wanted this, you wanted them. You said,” and he got dangerously close to the shell of your ear before growling, “you didn’t want to be taken by anyone but Spider-Man.”

Your eyes rolled back and closed at the contact, senses beginning to overload. You had no idea that Peter wanted this, he seemed against it as far as you could tell. Your brain was racking trying to catch up to speed with what exactly was taking place around you when you finally opened your eyes and caught Miguel’s dark ones. Pupils dilated. You unintentionally let out a whimper and stare back at him, seeing him rock forward just enough, eagerness spilling over into his movements. You can’t even begin to break your gaze away, as Peter finally speaks. “This is for you, love. They are all here for you,” his hand slipped up and down your thigh, giving you goosebumps and you shivered in response, “you can do whatever you please love, they all know what you like and don’t like. They are ready for you.”

Your breath caught at the last sentence, as Miguel stood up and sauntered over to you, reaching out his hand. “Peter, if it’s okay...” he stated and Peter nodded in response, releasing his grip on you. “Go ahead.” Miguel pulled you up, incredible strength showing through. Peter hardly ever used his super strength on you, something you wish he would, but he refused as he was afraid to hurt you. Miguel, well, Miguel wasn’t.

He pulled you into a kiss, passionate and hungry as he held your neck with one hand and let his other hand travel your clothed body, resting at your breast as he played with it through your shirt. You moaned, much louder than you anticipated, thankful his mouth was there to swallow the sound. He finally pulled back, releasing his grip on your neck and replacing his hand in your hair. He yanked your head to the side as he licked a stripe up the side of your jugular. He began working at your sweet spot, something Peter must have told him about as he was so precise in finding it. You let out a groan, grasping at anything you could get your hands on. You pull his jacket off and let it hit the floor, opening your eyes barely to see Gwen and Miles’ hungry eyes on you. Miles’ hand had already trailed down to the bulge in his pants, palming himself through his jeans. He was staring at you, hungry, while Gwen seemed just as eager but more composed- harder to read. You glance over at Ben in the arm chair, looking at you like his next meal. His mere identical nature to Peter had you questioning and your mind was racing when you closed your eyes in pleasure as Miguel sucked a hickey particularly hard against your sweet spot.

Before you knew it, Miguel’s hands had practically ripped your shirt from your body and pulled his off of his back, revealing an extremely muscled exterior. You looked at him hungrily, body fully giving in to the idea of tonight, groaning as the dim light in the room reflected off of his tan skin. He unclasped your bra and you heard it fall to the floor, unabashedly moaning as he took one of your hardened nipples into his mouth, all the while working at the zipper of your pants. He successfully got them undone and thrown off of you, laying you on the coffee table in the middle of the room. Everyone’s eyes were on you, and you felt it. You loved the attention, hearing moans come from Miles as he desperately pawed at his length. Needy boy. You grinned at him, gesturing that he come closer.

“No.” Miguel’s hand comes from where he was working your breast to snap your hand above your head, eliciting a moan from you and Peter. “Not until I’m done with you.” He growled out at Miles who immediately whimpered and sat back. You saw Gwen’s hand slide over to Miles as she slowly palmed him through his jeans, giving him some of the relief he was after.

You turned your attention back to Miguel as he started rubbing you through your lacy thong. You gasp out, the pressure you didn’t realize was building being put to rest, and you arched your back into the feeling. Your head falls to Peter, patiently watching you, eyes blown black with lust. You loved this, and he could see it all over you, you loved putting on a show for him. You made sure to moan extra loud as Miguel finally pushed your underwear out of the way and let his thumb fall to your clit. You gasped again, this time louder as you pushed yourself further into his touch. He leaned down, letting his lips leave your neck for the first time as he pulled your underwear off and threw it somewhere in your living room. He looked at you and smirked before leaning in and sucking your clit into his mouth. You yelp, hands immediately finding their way to his hair. The filthy sound of Miguel’s actions fill the room and you throw your head back, making eye contact with Peter again. He is now palming himself as well, unable to stay composed as Miguel devours you right in front of him.

Miguel comes up for air momentarily and grunts “look so pretty getting your pussy ate, baby. Coming undone for me in front of all these strangers...” before returning to his work, lapping at your entrance with his tongue. You whined, his words turning you on even more somehow, realizing your exact situation. You turn your head towards Miles and Gwen, licking your lips as you see Miles’ shirt is gone and his pants are pushed down. Gwen is stroking his cock with her hand, which is MUCH bigger than you anticipated, her eyes never leaving you.

You hear Miguel’s pants drop as your head starts to spin. Your stomach starts tightening into knots and you know what’s coming. Before you can even get words out, Miguel realizes it too, and he speeds his actions up, letting his fingers enter you for the first time as he pays extra attention to your clit. His fingers find your bundle of nerves and before you know it you are coming, gripping Miguel’s hair for dear life as you shout his name, falling back onto the table as he continues his movements, carrying you through your high.

His head pops up from between your legs, face covered in a mixture of spit and your juices, and it was just, well, obscene. He took his fingers from your core and led them up to your mouth, shoving two in without warning and you groaned and sucked on them, much to Miles’ dismay. He lets out the softest groan as you make eye contact with him, taking Miguel’s fingers to the back of your throat, tasting yourself the whole way. He groaned, yanking his fingers back and stroking his cock before finally pushing in at your entrance. “Not done with you yet, baby girl.” His voice was rough, clearly desperate for you.

You let out a pornographic sound as his length pushed into you inch by inch. Your dazed eyes open and see Ben studying you, watching Miguel fill you up with a need in his eyes that was similar to Peter’s yet, different somehow. Your head whipped back to Miguel as he bottomed out, resting his head on your shoulder. You both groaned loudly, sounds and feelings of ecstasy mixing with each other. “P-please Miguel...” you choke out, desperate for him to make you feel everything. His eyes stare up at you, and he watches your face contort as he pulls out and slams back into you.

The movement made you feel dizzy and on fire as you grip at his hair, pulling him in for a kiss. “Look at her, Peter.” Ben grumbled from his spot next to your boyfriend. “Fucking stunning.” You moan at the praise, something that does not go unnoticed by the whole room, and Peter grins. “That’s my girl.”

Miguel is moving at an unbelievable speed, pounding into you relentlessly as he says “you hear that baby? Ben thinks you look real good taking my cock. You like putting on a show for all these people?” All you can do is moan in response, and you are seeing stars as Miguel’s hand makes contact with your cheek. The slap echoes through the room and his hand moves to your throat. “Think I asked you a question, slut. You like taking my dick for all these people to enjoy?”

“Y-yes! I love it!” You yell out, his hand on your throat intensifying every feeling he was giving you. “Good girl.” He grinned, grabbing your leg to throw over his shoulder, fucking you at a different angle that had you hurdling towards your next orgasm. Your head fell back and your eyes connected with Peter, desire taking up every inch of his face. “Take her Miguel. She’s there. Finish her.” He grunts out, and Miguel drops his thumb back to your clit in response. The sensation of the rough pad on your clit and how unbelievably deep he was in you, added to Peter’s commands threw you overboard. “Ask me, y/n. Ask me to let you cum. Beg me.” His hand moved from your clit back to your neck and you manage “p-please Miguel... I-I need it, need to cum all over your cock...”

He looks up at the room and mutters, “what do you think? Think she’s been good enough to cum?” Ben moans out, “Fuck yes.” Quickly followed by whimpers from Miles and a soft but steady, “Let her cum.” From Gwen. You stared up at Miguel, eyes pleading and finally he spits, “cum for me slut.” And you go overboard. Explosions behind your eyelids as your head flings back to the table, fingernails leaving red marks down Miguel’s back as you scream his name once more. Your walls clench his length and he groans into your neck. “Think you deserve my cum?” You hear him say as you return to reality after your high. You nod enthusiastically, pleas beginning to fall from your lips. “Please Miguel, need your cum, fill me up, p-please!” You shout as he finally lets go deep inside of you. He groans out your name as he stills and finally pulls out. He takes one of his fingers and pushes it into your core, causing you to groan from overstimulation and he shoves it back into your mouth. “Thought you might like to have some.” He grins, you eagerly sucking the mixture of your juices and his cum off of his fingers. “Who’s next?” He chuckles, collapsing onto the end of the couch no longer being taken up by Gwen. Instead she is standing, pulling Miles to his feet and staring at you. “Us.”

Your eyes go wide, realization setting in. “B-both?” You mumble out, vision fully returning as the thought of the two of them returned the heat to your core immediately. “Yes baby, think you can handle us both?” She grins, leaning over you to pull you into a slow and deep kiss. She already knew the power she had over you, and clearly over Miles as well as he followed suit, careful not to intrude in her way while still running his hands over your thighs. The feeling caused you to shiver and Gwen’s head snapped up. “Didn’t say you could touch yet, Miles.” His hands flew off of you and fell at his sides, eyes longing to feel every part of you.

“Good boy.” She muttered, returning her attention back to you. You finally responded, “please, I n-need you both. Please.” Your begs fell off of your lips, stuttering and coming out as a whine more than anything. “You sound so pathetic. Just got filled to the brim with Miguel’s cum and you can’t even be satisfied? What more do you want baby?” Her words were like honey, she spoke so smoothly yet her tone was dark. “Y-you.” Gwen grinned, running her hands up and down your stomach. “Oh you can have me, if- you take care of him first.” She motioned to Miles.

His face was so focused, trying desperately to be good for Gwen, but his eyes couldn’t help but light up as her words fell. “Gwen...may I?” She nodded, and he went to work. His hands roaming all over you, needy fingers running up and down your frame, before two settle at your nipple. They flick at the bulb, getting hardened by the attention. You let another moan fall from your lips, feeling Miles work but unable to take your eyes off of Gwen. Miles climbs over you and you see his whole length come into contact with your cheek. He looked to her for approval and she nods, pulling your mouth open with her hand and he quickly shoved his dick in, causing you to choke. He pulled out and Gwen slapped his ass. “Back in.” He obliges, pushing past your lips and quickly hitting the back of your throat.

Miles’ length was so big you couldn’t take it all in your mouth, but you quickly went to work. Eager to hear the whimpers fall from his mouth and to please Gwen. Your work doesn’t go unnoticed as Peter speaks up for the first time in a while, “you look so pretty angel. You’re doing so good.” You hum in response, sucking on Miles’ cock so harshly you almost couldn’t breathe. He let out all sorts of obscene sounds, hips helplessly bucking towards your mouth. “Good boy, now off.” He obliges once again, no complaints though his eyes show disappointment. “You will get to fuck her Miles, but I think she finally deserves me.” Gwen smirks as you desperately stare up at her from the table. “Get her up, lay her on the couch.” Miles does so, lifting you up with ease and laying you down onto the couch, head lying on Miguel’s thigh. You look up at him, memories of earlier come rushing back as he winks down at you. Your attention is pulled back to between your legs where Miles is currently settled, awaiting his next instruction.

Gwen walks over and kisses him deeply for a moment before pulling away. “Such a good boy for me.” She finally lets her hands settle at the bottom of her shirt before pulling it over her head and letting her skirt and panties fall to the floor. You take in her beautiful figure, she looks so delicious. She seems to read your mind as she walks over to your spot on the couch. She kisses Miguel who eagerly returns it, before she positions herself over your face. She is facing Miles, and you can see her soaking wet core inches above you. You feel hungry, and you fight from straining up to reach her. “You’ve been very good for me too, y/n. Think you deserve to take me now, baby.” The last thing you see as she lowers herself down is Peter and Ben simultaneously licking their lips, and she finally pushes herself down.

You hungrily lick a stripe up her folds and let your hands hold her thighs close to you. She hums softly, throwing her head back as she feels you flick your tongue against her clit. After your wet, slurping sounds echo in the room for sometime, mixing with the sweet sounds of Gwen’s moans, she finally speaks up. “Miles. Fuck her.” You find yourself impressed with how stable she sounded considering you could feel her coming apart on your tongue. With each swipe of your tongue she clenched and shivered around you, but the feeling of awe was quickly replaced as Miles pushed his entire length into you. You choked out a moan as he filled you up completely, way more than you thought possible. Gwen noticed you stopping and pushed herself back down, forcing your tongue back out to keep at your work.

You loved it, face buried deep in her heat, juices spilling around you as Miles stretched you open so beautifully, it was all so much. Your senses began to go overboard as Miles fucked up into you, desperately chasing his high. You felt his grip on your thighs tighten as you squeeze his cock inside you. Gwen was so wet, so warm and tight around your tongue that you fucked in and out of her, desperate. Miguel leaned over, taking one of Gwen’s nipples into his mouth and one of yours in between his fingers. He rolled the bud around and you couldn’t help but moan simultaneously as Gwen did, the vibrations through your tongue sending her closer and closer.

Gwen cried out, seeing her pet fuck you as you wildly lapped at her, she was so close. You could tell Miles was too, his thrusts becoming sloppy and his voice breaking with each beg flooding from his lips. “G-Gwen please...p-please I-I need to...” you felt Gwen quiver as she spat “you will cum when I do, Miles.” You were so desperate for both of their releases that you stretched up just enough to reach your tongue to her ass, fingers moving to her clit, and Gwen came undone as you tongue fucked her. “Y/n!” She shouted your name and you felt her walls start to clench as you returned to her core to lap up at all the cum she was giving you, “C-cum for me Miles. Fill her up.” It took him no time at all, his stamina and self control impressive as he finally releases his load inside of you, cock twitching as he pounded into you mercilessly, tossing you over the edge with him. “Miles!” You shouted against Gwen’s swollen core. You tightened your walls around his throbbing cock as you came, sending him into a frenzy of incoherent babbles and thanks spilling out to Gwen, who clearly reveled in it. You weakly lapped at her with each wave of your intense orgasm, before finally letting your head fall back in defeat. Gwen climbed off of you and bent down, taking your lips in a deep passionate kiss. She stood back up and leaned to Miles, “You’re welcome, baby.” As she kissed him he groaned, tasting her on her tongue from your shared kiss.

You felt weak, your whole body shuddering from overstimulation, and all you could do from your collapsed state was stare at your sweet, loving boyfriend Peter. Your vision remained fuzzy as Ben stood up and walked over to you. “Think you have a little bit left for me, baby?” You sighed, smiling at the familiar voice ringing in your ears. “Y-yes, Peter.” You smiled before snapping out of your delusional state of mind way too late to realize your mistake. You felt Peter’s presence before you saw him, standing behind Ben, who quickly grinned. “You messed up, darling.”

Your eyes grew wide as you scrambled off of Miguel’s lap to land directly on your knees in front of Peter. “Peter...baby I’m so sorry, I-I didn’t, I was so tired I, I wasn’t even looking...” Peter’s hand came down, hard. The ringing in your ear happened before you registered your punishment. “P-Pete...” you mumbled out, voice broken as you looked a complete wreck. “No, no Pete tonight baby. You know what to call me.” He held your throat and lifted you to your feet, the first time he used his strength against you in quite some time.

“Y-yes sir...” you quietly mutter, gasping for breath as you feel his hand deliciously squeeze your throat. “Good.” He dropped you and you fell to your knees once again, eye level with both cocks. “You are gonna take my dick right now, do you hear me?” Peter grunted out as he shoved his cock in your face. “Yes sir!” You answered quickly before throwing your mouth down his length and licking and sucking at his head. Staring up at him, you almost forgot about everyone else in the room, that is until you heard him. “Ben, take her.” Ben happily obliged as he removed his clothes finally. You tried to pull your mouth off of Peter to see Ben’s length, desperately curious at exactly how accurate The Jackal has been, but Peter quickly recognized your antics and grabbed a fist full of your hair, forcing you back down on his cock. “No peeking, angel.” He spat, and before you knew it, Ben’s dick found it’s way to your entrance.

You were completely soaked, and he guided himself in with ease. You groaned at the sensation, both Peter and Ben fucking into you simultaneously sending your nerves into overdrive. “This what you wanted princess? You wanted Spider-Man? Wanted a room full of Spider-Man?” You groan as you choke on his thick cock, trying to mumble out a sloppy yes sir around him. Ben shot out some web into your arms, pulling them together and using it as makeshift handcuffs. He pulled you with it, making it that much easier to fuck into you with so much force it knocked you further into Peter’s cock. The feeling of the two of them was so close to sending you over the edge. You glance over helplessly to see Miles shamelessly devouring Gwen as Miguel face fucked her on the couch and you felt your knees tremble. They all still stared at you, seeing the state you were in creating a stir of desire within them all. “Eyes up here darling, don’t make me tell you again.” Peter dared you, smiling down wickedly.

You felt spit spill down your face and towards your breast as you worked impossibly hard for Peter’s orgasm, all the while forcing yourself back into Ben’s wanting and hungry cock. “Took so much today, and you are still so hungry baby. You needed this bad, needed all the Spiders to fill you up.”

You yelp as Ben hits a particularly sensitive spot in you and leans down to run frantic circles on your clit. You look up with desperate eyes at Peter, who finally looks close to breaking. And from the sounds behind you, you hear Ben is close, too. Before you know it, Gwen has crawled under you and started toying with your clit, sucking it into her mouth as your legs struggle to hold you up. Miles follows behind her and suck one of your nipples into his mouth, and Miguel wraps one hand around your other breast, and presses one finger against your asshole. Finally, Ben releases into you, coming with a sharp groan of your name. Peter grins down at you, and pulls his dick from your hungry mouth. He flips you over, removing the webbing from your hands only to stretch them out around you.

You feel Miles take your right arm and web it to the couch, while Miguel did the same to your left. One by one, they splayed your limbs out, opening you up, lewd and waiting for Peter to finish you off. He stands between your legs and finally, finally buries his cock inside of you. You moan at the satisfaction of Peter filling you up, his dick mixing with the cum of all the others, making you impossibly wet for the taking. While he roughly took what belonged to him, the others licked and sucked at your body, quickly pushing you towards your final release.

The sounds coming from your mouth were animalistic, your body so exhausted and drained but so eager to feel Peter let go inside of you. “Peter!” You shouted, more as a plea than anything, begging him to let go. With all of their hands and tongues on you, your body felt on fire, unable to hold yourself back you screamed. Peter thrusted into you and finally uttering, “cum for me, angel.” You came with another scream of his name, the only name coming off your lips like a prayer. You vaguely remember seeing stars and Peter’s pleasured face as he came inside you before you blacked out.

The next morning you woke in a daze, Peter lying next to you on the bed. You smiled up at him before your actions from last night came rushing back in intense waves. “P-Peter...last night...” was all you could get out, suddenly feeling your body ache. He laughed and kissed your forehead, “Yeah love? Did you enjoy it?” You nodded eagerly, a bit too eagerly and you blushed. He smiled and kissed you, long and sweet just as he always did. “Don’t be embarrassed, I hope you had as much fun as I did.”

You nodded again, recounting each detail longingly. “Where did everybody go?”

“Home. They stayed the night but I took them each home this morning. They all said they wanted to do that again, if you did.” You smiled back at him, “I would love that, but for now you are the only Spidey I need.”

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channelmono · 5 years ago

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I dunno if I have a lot to say, but I figured that give how many people follow me, I wanna share some tips on preserving mental health during these chaotic times

If you follow me on Instagram, you might have noticed my last story QA, which was a bit of a survey just to see how some of you lovely monitors are feeling, because I know the world in general has been stressed lately for obvious reasons. The elephant in the room is that we as individuals are all walking a tightrope of staying up-to-date about the future and how to maintain our physical health while also trying to preserve a sense of productivity and activity to sustain our mental health, the latter of which I’m noticing being especially strenuous for many of you, likely because this prolonged period of uncertainty and anxiety is highly unfamiliar. I want to disclaim right away: I am not a doctor, I am not a psychologist trained in extensive therapy who knows how to guide each and every one of you to your healthiest behaviors. However, I still wish to still help you with some advice. I do wish to see you as my friends, and as my friends, I want to ensure that you are happy and healthy. I already have a history of self-isolation, and without getting too in-depth of the exact details, this involuntarily hermit-like lifestyle we’re all being encouraged to ascribe to has been my way of living for the past several years (the involuntary-ness included). I’ve become much more acclimated to not just being alone, but stuck in a place of residence with little directive or seeming control of my own future, with a long history of trying to discern of not just what to do with my life in general, but just getting through the day-to-day. I want to discuss that day-to-day, because the month(s) away we have from returning to a normal world again is still comprised of many, many days, and if I can’t come up with a surefire long-term plan for how to deal with a future we are all in unfamiliar territory of dealing with, I can at least suggest a few low-cost stepping stones to helping you take in each day a lot easier, and hopefully help lift a bit of the collective burden over however long we may be like this. 1) DON'T LET YOURSELF GIVE UP. I feel like this is a bit of an obvious tip that might come across as “are you feeling sad? Just be happy!”, but hear me out. One of the biggest sources of human (or human-equivalent) stress is the feeling that one has no control over their life. The period where I fussed incredibly hard about the fate of my future as I was first condemned was one of the darkest, most exhausting parts of my life, as were all the times I had done before. It wasn’t merely that I was so ashamed of my failures, but it was the fact that I’d constantly and semi-consciously associate it with my entire being, to the point where I couldn’t make a casual joke in a non-depressed context that didn’t end with a side remark of how I wanted to die (now that I explained it without context… yikes.) Eventually, there was a eureka moment for me where I had enough of being tired. I’m not sure exactly what triggered it -- perhaps it was just dealing with the banality of the isolation, perhaps it was just me thinking more about how I mentally hurt myself and what I could do to stop, perhaps it was me simply deciding to find professional psychological help for it -- but whatever the case, I realized that even if the world could do bad things to me, I wanted to stop doing things that would hurt myself, as not only was being good to myself the least that I could do, but it also helped me forge a modicum of very real power for my self-esteem, giving that first boost to kickstart my life again (in part by starting this channel and making new online friends!) This wasn’t a solution to get rid of all my outside problems, but rather a means to help accept that things would be tough, but I could still live with them. Challenges will need to be faced, and there will be failures because that’s how life can be sometimes, but it also helped me better comprehend that there will also be victories, because that’s ALSO how life can be sometimes! I can’t say for sure how each and every one of you will be able to help yourself realize that negativity, hopelessness, and cynicism are not the only means to approach an uncertain and stressful future. Perhaps you already realized it! Perhaps you were in the process of realizing it but the articulation of my journey may give some guidance. Perhaps you still need some more time and thought to think about it. But whichever way, I implore you to consider that this future is not solely one to be defeated by, but one which you can fight to be happy in… and win. 2) GIVE YOURSELF A DAILY RHYTHM. One of the biggest things I see people complaining about is how without their usual daily schedule with work or school, their mental acuity is going haywire and it’s difficult to get things done. There are many reasons for why our brains are reacting to the situation the way they do: a bunch of collective trauma surrounding the pandemic putting our brains on edge for what to expect next, stress making us unable to register complex tasks, our inner survival instinct diverting away our ability to think about personal minutiae, etc. The human brain is a fickle thing doing its best to cope with the trauma it’s presented with, and first and foremost, it’s important to be patient with yourself. Going back to the “how to take on the day-to-day”, let’s talk about schedules. The truth is that many of us crave at least a mild semblance of structure and compartmentalization, and a big factor for why our minds are getting sloggy is because we’ve lost the ones we followed, mostly ones imposed onto us by our professions, and were wholly unprepared to figure out a compensation plan (as many of you students learning via Zoom conferences are aware). The practical trick I have to help remedy this is a pretty basic-on-paper one: seek out your own schedule. Speaking from my own experience, the daily grind into this miasma of a future becomes less cumbersome once you intuit what you actually define as “the daily grind”. This is not to say you need to become a rigid, Clock King-esque fanatic who plans every action by the minute, as simply understanding what you do and what you WANT to do will be of help. For me, I schedule my alarm clock to go off at 8:30. Every day I get up and make coffee or tea along with breakfast for myself and The Master. My current daily priorities are messy janitorial duties and Animal Crossing, while my personal hobbies that I’d reserve to my free time include filming content, playing video games, watching movies or Youtube, cooking, or going outside to jog. Every week or so, I go out for groceries. I do my best to go to bed and sleep before midnight. Of course, this is just MY schedule, but this is how rudimentary it can get while still giving me a sense of fulfillment when I do pass the time as I do accomplish my tasks. There are many ways to go about it, but really, one of the simplest ways to recognize them in your life is just write it out. Actually articulate it into just a really simple list that you have to transfer from mind onto paper/digital text. This is especially recommended if additional tasks or changes to your life occurs: write it down so you can remember everything! And allow yourself to do it! This is not to say you should be worrying constantly about how productive you are, as the goal is not to define yourself by how much you accomplish per day, but rather a way to give yourself that sorely needed daily rhythm we all miss, while allowing you to reward yourself when you hit your goals. And like every plan, it doesn’t need to be flawless -- there will be times where we need to relax and take a break. There might be emergencies to deal with. There may be times where things are so overwhelming where it’s like “Yknow what? I don’t wanna do anything today.” And that’s okay. On a related note: Something I’d like to place importance on with my schedule is my sleep. As someone who has experienced long periods of miserable exhaustion in my life, I cannot overstate just how important and cathartic a good, consistent sleep schedule is. I’m not joking: the night when I stopped being “insomniac” by going to bed tired but staying on my phone up until 2 AM, and instead actually went to bed at 11-ish, I woke up feeling the best I had in years. Exhaustion no longer felt like a necessary, expected burden. I felt legitimately well-rested, and discovering that I could freely feel things that weren’t depression was almost epiphanic (if that’s a word lol). I know that going to sleep and waking up on a consistent time of day might sound chore-like to many of you night owls, and there may be other concerns at play like actual insomnia, but I implore you to at least consider giving yourself a consistent nightly rhythm as well as your daily one. Being exhausted is an easy way to get stuck in your own head, and if you’re thinking dark thoughts and lack the energy to force yourself out, you can be in trouble. Don’t underdo or overdo it that you still feel like crap when you wake up. Be honest to yourself. Good sleep can be incredibly rewarding in ways that you might not even believe until you experience it for yourself.

#channel mono #no signal studio #mental health #quarantine #quarantine life

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dreadnought-dear-captain · 5 years ago

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Happy (Slightly Belated) Birthday, Baghdad Waltz!

*CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR BAGHDAD WALTZ UP TO CHAPTER 37*

I know these are stressful times right now, but I wanted to post a little something for BW’s third birthday on 3/13/2020 (and I’m a little late because I had a lot to say). THREE!! I cannot believe it. Truly, I cannot, but here we are. I know there are still a few stragglers hanging around from when I first started posting this story (extra hearts to you all), so many people who have come and gone and sometimes return again, and so many new people joining this crazy journey all the time.

You are all so great, and you make it possible for me to keep writing this. I probably would have quit a long time ago without your support, because this shit has been quite hard to sustain sometimes. I know I am very bad at keeping up with comments and things, and I’m so sorry. I am terrible with social media, too. People IRL will say the same thing about me. I am super old school and still talk on the phone with my friends. I KNOW.

(Heyyyy Bayside High)

I’ve prepared a couple of things for BW’s birthday. First, a few statistics I thought I’d whip up. Then a few questions and answers about BW, both from myself and from my beloved beta, @pitchforkcentral86. And I’m still trucking away diligently at chapter 38! I just have a few scenes to go.

-- BW Statistics --

---------------------------------------------

Words to date: 526,011

Chapters to date: 37

Shortest chapter: 3,821 words (Prologue)

Longest chapter: 31,395 words (Chapter 33)

Number of words per chapter: 12,530 (median), 14,257 (average) (note: the median is probably a better measure, since this is such an abnormal distribution - see below for the changes in chapter length over time)

Estimated total work to date: 2,890-3,120 hours (approx 18-20 hours/week). This includes writing, rewriting, editing, research, conversations with beta, outlining, and a small portion of the brainstorming. This is a conservative estimate and only includes a fraction of the ambient thinking I do about this story. And God, I do so much processing when I sleep! Perhaps I will be a BW “expert” -- estimated at around 10,000 hours I guess? -- by the time I am done with the story and all my revisions hahahahaaaaaa D:

Money spent to date (estimated): $600-700. This includes books on various subject matter and writing craft, video access to therapy education resources, and other educational materials. This does not include the incalculable sum in lost productivity from thinking about BW when I’m supposed to be doing other things!

Most of you probably don’t know this, but @pitchforkcentral86 is not just a beta reader. She is my partner in crime with BW. She knows my characters as well as I do, sometimes better. She helps me troubleshoot scenes, she tells me when my writing sucks, when my I’m not being true to my characters, when I’m not being real enough (sometimes when I’m being TOO real). She gives me porn inspiration and listens to me bitch and calls my bullshit and makes this story what it is. I really mean it - this story would not be nearly as good without her, and you can see how much better it gets once she starts to get involved around chapter 17.

So I decided I would answer some silly little questions about BW. Just my own personal opinions about stuff! And asked @pitchforkcentral86 to contribute as well. See below.

What are my favorite scenes in BW and why?

In no particular order:

The 9/11 memory (Chapter 26): When Steve is in therapy with Hope remembering when Bucky returns from Ground Zero. This was one of the first times I experimented with writing in a sort of stream-of-consciousness way (though certainly not the last!). I have done several tweaks to it since the original version, texturing it more. It’s so rich in detail, visceral detail, little details about their relationship, pieces of Bucky’s past, clues about his alcoholism, the way he handles stress, his difficulties letting Steve in, the love Steve has for him, Bucky’s need to be loved and cared for and his aversion for it, it’s so, so rich. Gah. I love it. (GUH and @buckydunpun’s ART - just murder me. Thanks.)

The Thor “breakup” scene (Chapter 28): This is the moment I think that many people realized Bucky is not a reliable narrator. Maybe they suspected it before, but this is when it’s very obviously apparent. His entire interpretation of his relationship with Thor is thrown into question. He built a rich fantasy about what they were, holding hands in the grass, all this bullshit, and he could actually say they were boyfriends, which makes complete sense because there were never any stakes. It was always surface. There was never any intimacy except as veteran/soldier friends who had sex, which is about as deep as Bucky can go anyway without getting utterly terrified.

This is in such stark contrast to Steve, where there is actual intimacy, ongoing demand for more intimacy, and this relationship feels VERY real to Bucky, and it’s very frightening to him. And that’s why he runs from the term “boyfriend” with Steve. It’s all so real. It’s easy to engage with a fake boyfriend. But still, he didn’t deliberately realize he was doing this, so it was devastating to find out the truth of his own self-deception. And to hear that he’s not the kind of guy you settle with, he’s the guy you fuck… wow. But how can you really hate Thor? (I’m sure some of you can but…) He’s a nice guy. Even Bucky knows it. So he’s run from something good and real (Steve) to something good but false (Thor) and then he gets rejected from both. It’s horrible and so self-defeating and so quintessentially Bucky. I love it.

A Close Second (Spent Brass fic): This whole side fic came together like a glorious dream. I love everything about it. It’s such a wonderful look into their relationship, into their dynamics, into their individual personalities, their idiosyncrasies, so much push-pull between them. Whispers of things that have happened to Bucky in the past, a lack of understanding from Steve, a desire to know, so much affection. Some good sex. I love this SB. But I love all the Spent Brass fics. They are so close to my heart.

Honorable mention: Bucky’s masturbation scene during his bender (Chapter 32). I had an absolute BLAST writing this. Thanks to @pitchforkcentral86 for proposing that Bucky’s core sexual/romantic desire is just to be kissed. Dayum. It all unfolded from there.

Who is the character I think about the most? Bucky. I think because he’s got the most complex history and the most complicated psychology. He’s actually fairly rule-bound in terms of how he operates, but he’s got a lot of back story that explains how he became the way he is, and I spend a lot of time considering what happened to him and how he developed his self-image, his coping strategies, and his ideas about others and the world. I think a lot about his relationship with his parents. I think a LOT about bby Jamie. It’s not because Steve is not important or any less complex. But Bucky’s childhood experiences have shaped him in very specific ways, and I want to make sure that I represent them very thoughtfully.

Who is my favorite character to write? Bucky. His voice and thought processes come to me more easily than Steve’s. Perhaps in part because of my personal penchant for the word “fuck.” I love writing his perspective, his preferences, his interpretations of situations. I love imagining the way he imagines the world.

Who is my favorite supporting character? Winnie. I know she’s a very polarizing character, but I have so much affection for her. I think she’s a badass. She joined the military as a female officer back in the 1970s, which is incredible and rough. She kept her maiden name. This is a Southern conservative woman, an Air Force brat, raised by very conservative Southern people in a very conservative Pentecostal church, but she has always had an irrepressible rebellious, feminist badass streak in her even before she knew what feminism was. She might not even define herself as a feminist now. She has always done the best she can under very difficult circumstances, and she loves her kids, even though she sometimes sucks quite badly at mothering them. I love her for her imperfections.

Favorite topic to research this year: I’ve been really enjoying researching emotionally focused couples therapy, which was developed by Sue Johnson, EdD. I’ve been watching therapy videos of couples going through this and having a wonderful time imaging Bucky and Steve going through something similar with Claire. I don’t think Claire is the strictest adherent to EFT, but I think she’s informed by it. It’s tough, because I’m very used to cognitive behavioral type therapies, so this one has been different to think about writing. I’ve also been really getting into reading about childhood sexual abuse and its effects on boys and men. It’s greatly helped my conceptualization of Bucky and Bucky and Steve’s relationship. I mean, it’s a grim topic, but there have been some fascinating threads in terms of understanding one’s self perception of sexual orientation, etc. and thinking about how Bucky would consider and contextualize his experiences.

Am I more of a Steve or a Bucky? Hmm. I don’t strongly relate to either, but I think if I had to choose, I’m a bit more of a Steve. I’m pretty expressive of my affection and positive emotions, and I’ll complain about daily life things enough. However, when it comes to major life events that really bother me, I tend to err on the side of not processing them and turning my feelings into headaches and other physical afflictions. In other words, I’m a suppressor of major emotions and events. It’s FINE. I’m FINE. Nothing to see here. But I am definitely not as tidy as Steve, nor as smart, and definitely not as buff or hot. So that’s where most of our similarities end lol. I do eat a lot of tofu though.

Who would I want to hang out with for a day? I initially thought Rikki, but like @pitchforkcentral86, think she’s actually too cool and smart for me, and I would probably just make an ass out of myself. I think probably Elektra. I know, this is a left field answer, but it’s one day! To do whatever with anyone! I want to choose someone who’s going to make it worth my while. So many of the characters are either too busy, too rigid, too anxious, too conventional, etc. I would want to run around NYC with Elektra for the day and have drinks with her and Matt afterwards at some weird-ass underground bar. My more infield answer would probably be Hank. I want him to tell me gay stories about gay things. I want to see his apartment. I want to drink coffee with him. I want him to tell me about what the AIDS crisis was like for him. I want to hear about his relationship with Howard. I want all the shit that Bucky takes for granted every day. He can be my fairy godmother any day.

Who would I want to be friends with? Probably Sharon. She’s one of the most reliable, loyal, and level-headed people in this world. She’s smart, she’s flexible, she rolls with things pretty well but also doesn’t take a ton of bullshit. She also has a good sense of humor about things. I feel like she’s someone I could call with my Zack Morris phone and talk with for hours about all sorts of things. We could also split a bottle of wine and talk some real shit.

Wait - Why not Bucky or Steve? I don’t think these two are entirely likable, to be honest. They’re good humans, they mean well, but I don’t think they’re very well equipped in the friendship department. I care about them very deeply (I hope that’s clear), but I don’t know if I’d want to be particularly close to either of them at this point in their lives. They’re both lacking in the skill and perspective to be good friends and partners, which is a major reason why they are in therapy.

Who would I want to be my therapist - Hope, Bruce, Scott, or Claire? Claire. Given how much I suck at talking about the things that are really deeply bothering me, I think I would need an emotionally focused therapist who is going to dig in there and really get me to focus on all the emotions I’m trying to shove away. I would probably try to over-intellectualize everything and deflect, and I don’t think she’d let me get away with that.

Okay, on to @pitchforkcentral86~~~~~

What are my favorite scenes in BW and why?

Oh boy. Well, this is a difficult question to answer since it feels like every chapter becomes a new favorite simply due to sheer amount of time spent planning and composing and revising and whining and complaining. And also my memory sucks. BUT, with that said, I think I would like to mention three scenes specifically:

1) Bucky on deployment, cleaning a Humvee (Chapter 7), Steve standing nearby. This scene conveyed the tension of deployment and between Steve and Bucky so well, and, perhaps more importantly, built my respect towards Bucky as a competent, caring NCO (to that effect, the small scene in which we see Bucky the NCO on film telling all the little grunts to eat so they can become big and strong is another favorite).

2) Beautiful Boy (Spent Brass), Steve’s memory from childhood with Sarah at the park, naming animals. I really don’t have a good reason other than that scene was so clear to me in my mind and was especially tender.

3) Steve sleeping with Sharon in DC (Chapter 33). Honestly, it was just a great scene, and we had a really good time planning it out.

I can include many more, and certainly the ones Dread mentioned are favorites too, but I have to stop or this will just be a squeee fest.

Who is my favorite supporting character?

Hank. His particular brand of honesty is extremely appealing to me, and I think Bucky secretly, or not so secretly, loves him too. And also Quill, just for shits and giggles because he is reliably there as an ice breaker, that lovable Mountain-Dew-drinking goof.

Favorite topic to research this year:

Well, I don’t do the research myself, but I spend many, many m-a-n-y hours listening to and conversing with Dread about all the things he’s delved into for this fic. So I guess maybe I’ll turn this question into favorite topic to discuss/conceptualize. In that respect, Bucky’s and Jack’s relationship has been by far the most intriguing, grueling, fascinating and difficult aspect of this fic to conceptualize – those were some of the best talks in the process. [Dreadnought edit: You will see much more of this in future chapters, folks!] And for a fun answer, planning out sex scenes is hilarious.

Am I more of a Steve or Bucky?

Bucky, no doubt. Sometimes it feels like Dread has climbed into my brain, found a horrible nugget of truth about me, and then put it into words coming out of Bucky’s mouth. Those moments are both wonderful and terrible in equal measure.

Who would I want to hang out with for a day?

For a whole day? Can it maybe be a coffee or, like, a quick lunch? I honestly don’t know… Neither Steve nor Bucky will be very good company, I think. Not in their current versions, anyways. Rikki is hella cool but she intimidates me, so, not her. Um.. Huh. Nope, don’t have an answer.

Who would I want to be friends with?

Probably Hank, again. He has a really good attitude. I’m starting to feel like not picking Steve/Bucky is selfish because it’s like “oh, they have too many issues and it won’t be fun”. But it’s also true! Friendship is reciprocal, and I really don’t think that’s where they’re at. (But I would have totally been dying to be friends with Steve in his bookshop days).

Who would I want to be my therapist - Hope, Bruce, Scott, or Claire?

Hope or Claire. Both are no-nonsense competent therapists. But I think maybe Hope will be too put-together for me. So, yeah, probably Claire.

-----------------------------

Okay, everyone. Back to the grind. I’ll update as soon as I can! Remember to wash your hands with the fastidiousness of BW Steve Rogers. (And also remember to sing the “happy birthday fucking everyone” song, which should actually be sung TWICE or resentfully enough that it lasts 20 seconds.)

#baghdad waltz #happy birthday #fucking everyone #I love you

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serpentprinceravenhairedprincess · 5 years ago

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Oh gosh, thank you so much for answering my question about why do youa ship Jeronica. I can clearly see the potential. They have a lot more in common than i thought. Your thread was marvelous! Could you please write more about their paralels and as to why they are better for each other then for Betty and Archie? ❤

You are so kind ❤ ❤ Every time I open my askbox I’m afraid to find some backlash hate, but you put a smile on my face :D

Going on with this thread, which I would call “Reasons why Jeronica is just the best dang thing”:

7) They are (more) aesthetically pleasing. This is really subjective and also kinda unfair, I can for sure give you that, but just putting them close to each other makes a strong impression on screen. Their matching colors and outfits, as well as their body types give a nice harmony to the picture. The visual response is something that can’t really be controlled, since it’s encoded really deeply in the human mind - specifically in the heteronormative sexuality. Tall boy & small girl always works as a pairing because it’s what our eyes perceive as typically masculine and typically feminine. On top of that, the fact that except for height, there is not much of a difference between their body types and their colors, makes for a beautiful visual harmony. Which is the same reason why Barchie, also, looks better. I know: it sounds really crude, but I don’t make the rules. In my course of study I had the chance to study this kind of things with close attention, and I can assert that some visual instincts cannot really be controlled since they are so deeply rooted: the studios know this kind of stuff, and they usually exploit it for the pictures they produce.

8) Outsiders. Veronica and Jughead have always been the ones looking from the outside. She is the new girl, while he is the guy from the wrong side of the tracks. Most of Jughead’s life was spent looking at this all american, dreamy like characters that are Betty and Archie. He is aware of the fact that he doesn’t belong to that pastel colored world of suburban terraced houses. His existance feels almost parasitical, from his voyeuristic point of view, given by the role of narrator that he takes upon himself. At the same time, Veronica doesn’t belong either. She comes from the big city and also from a mob family. That idealized lifestyle it’s just not fit for her. And I really like the fact that, even if Jug and V come from such a different background, they are both children of a world that is more real, more crude. They have this qualities of fighters and survivors that create another psychological affinity between them.

9) Elective Affinities. Now, this might take long, but stay with me. “Elective Affinities” is a beautiful novel by the famous german writer Goethe. I call it into consideration simply because I think that the core 4 and their spot in Riverdale somehow mirrors this tale. The plot of the book is simple: we have a couple and two guests. We have a marriage between two people who are not well mixed together. So the coming in action of the two guests breaks their relationship and creates different pairs. The philosophy of the story goes back to Empedocles, who said: "people who love each other mix like water and wine; people who hate each other segregate like water and oil.". Taking a step forward, we get to the chemical concept of elective affinity. In chemistry, this means that the bond between two elements can be broken by the intrusion of a third. In this way, one of the two jointed element “chooses” to step away from the former link and form another one with the new comer, simply because of a better affinity. I won’t get too deep into the book because it would need so much time and a lot of unnecessary work that doesn’t resonate with Riverdale. However, the concept is simple: opposites might attract, but there’s always a line. There has to be a connection between people, in order for them to function as couples. We talk about temper, about goals, about background, values and lifestyles. The characters that Archie and Betty embody clash in a harsh and jarring way with the ones embodied by Jughead and Veronica. While for Barchie and Jeronica we can talk about sides of the same coin, for B*ghead and V*rchie we are putting together cash and coins. Yeah, I guess they are still money, but that’s where the resemblance stops.

10) What works in real life doesn’t necessarily work on the screen (and viceversa). I can’t stress this enough. Yeah, we could see B*ghead and V*rchie as healthy couples (kinda, maybe - I have my reservations about it, but ok)..that doesn’t mean that they are interesting to watch. I don’t know, watching Riverdale is starting to feel like watching a tv show about my best friend and her boyfriend: yeah, they are cute, they work perfectly together, but do I want to watch them on tv? No sir, it would be boring as hell. Peeling away the murders, the investigations and the weird Riverdale mysteries, we all know a B*ghead kind of couple in our lives. Do we know a Jeronica? No. Do we know a Romeo and a Juliet? Also no. But hey, if they are an iconic couple for centuries, maybe there’s a reason to why it is so. Movies, tv shows and books have this escapist quality, this possibility of making everything seem real even if we talk about something that would never be possible in real life. Let’s face it: we would all avoid hanging out with an angsty couple, but somehow we love to see that on tv. It’s just more passionate, more intriguing. I don’t know, everytime I see B*ghead I see me and my boyfriend eating pizza in our sweatpants on the sofa. That’s love, but it would make for a really bad tv show. We should start facing the fact that tv and cinema are not made to necessarily teach us something: we shouldn’t seek life lessons in a teen drama, or even a realistic portrait of life. It’s made for entertainment, that’s it, and entertainment means also creating drama and mixing up couples just for the hell of it.

11) This will be quick, but Jeronica has in them the potential of every classic best selling couple. I’m talking about Elizabeth and Mr Darcy in “Pride and Prejudice”, about Romeo and Juliet, Han and Leia in “Star Wars”, Jack and Rose in “Titanic”. There’s a tention in this narratives, that always works. Why? Because there’s some kind of conflict going on between two people who have a similar mindset. We are encoded to like this kind of stories and every writer knows it, that’s why they keep selling and moving people even tho they’ve seen it a hundred times. And that’s why I’m mad at Riverdale’s writers: because they know (and it shows), but they keep safe betting on an off screen couple, sacrificing the narrative purpose of their work.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk and I’m sorry for any language mistake that I might have done. Unfortunately, I’m not an English native speaker lol

#jeronica #vughead #jughead x veronica #veronica x jughead

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blackdreamsoffashion · 5 years ago

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It’s August 7th and unfortunately, things have gotten exponentially worse…. in the U.S. because the rest of the world has generally gotten their shit together.

As things continue to worsen and we wait for the ticking time bomb that is K-12 schools and universities opening for F2F instruction… prior to having a vaccine, there honestly doesn’t seem to be a real end in sight (unless I move to Canada, and I may or may not have been researching how to become a Canadian citizen).

Most of the time, I’m ok with this. I’m a big girl, I understand that life is hard, things happen, “it is what it is” (barf), but there are some days where the realization that I’ll be living through these Covid times indefinitely, truly knocks the wind out of me.

While I’m generally a home body, I do like the option of being able to leave my house. I miss being able to visit family and friends without worrying about infecting each other. I miss the gym, and coffee shops, and Marshall’s, and thrift stores. I could go on and on about what I miss, but I’ll spare you since I’m sure everyone has things they’re missing right now.

On these hard days, and throughout the pandemic in general, I’ve tried to find ways to feel somewhat “normal”, and luckily with the help of my therapist and suggestions from friends, I’ve felt ok most days and I don’t curl up and cry on the floor for hours on the hard days either (even though a good cry is always good for the soul).

So, I thought I’d share my tips.

Being a teacher and all, it’s in my nature.

1. Tip 1: Keep a loose schedule

In the beginning of the pandemic, I found that I was trying to just go with the flow. I didn’t have any sort of schedule and I quickly learning that everything just started to blend together, in a negative way. When you come from a structured life style, i.e. teaching classes, waking up, eating , working out, dissertating, etc. all at a set time, having no structure feels hard after a while! So, I created a very loose, very flexible schedule, as I found it gave me something to look forward to, while helping my life to feel more normal. For example, my days are generally: wake up around 7:30/8, listen to a podcast or two while eating, from 9 until 12 it’s open to what I want (maybe running, going for a walk, reading, cleaning, etc.). 12:30 is lunch followed by coffee and a dessert. 1-5 I try to complete some school/work related tasks. 5:30-6:30 I cook and have dinner. After dinner, we might go for another walk… or another dessert. I might dance to ratchet music for 20-30 minutes (also good for the soul, trust me), or I might do some things around the house. 9:30-11:30 I watch Netflix. So as you can see, it’s super loose, and the only things that are truly set are my meal times… otherwise I’d be eating constantly all day. The first month of covid, we spent about $600 on food….for two people…. and our budget is 250-300 a month #yikes. By having some things to look forward to though, it helps my days to run a bit smoother. But let’s be honest, we all know it’s the dessert after lunch that keeps me going LOL.

2. Tip 2: Find you hobby

Considering the way American culture and society is set up (insert side-eye here), our lives are often centered around work/school and other obligations, and we rarely have time to pursue other things. Therefore, I’ve tried to really take advantage of having to be home by incorporating some old hobbies back into my life, and even trying new ones. I’ve been flying through angsty Mangas and Animes and repurposing/revamping thrifted furniture/ people trash.

I even made a children’s book for my nephew centered around him and my sister!

I’m also trying to expand the inventories of bread I can make. I’m happily at a solid 1.5 different loaves. I say 1.5 because the second type only comes out well 50% of the time LOL.

There are so many things you can do such as an online cooking class, a Zoom paint-with-a twist, drawing, photography, running, gardening, learning a new language or skill, becoming an indoor plant mom, etc.

I am especially biased towards activities that involve moving the body. NUMEROUS studies (no I’m not looking them up/linking them b/c I do enough of that as an academic, so you can look up studies yourself!) have found that exercise helps with anxiety and depression (I can attest to this), with mental clarity and focus (I can also attest to this), it helps you sleep better, and it also helps with your immune system, blood pressure, and hormone regulation. My moods are always consistently better when I exercise vs. when I don’t. When I don’t I can become a crazy bish….

3. Tip 3: Take social media breaks

I do this and I have several friends who do this as well. Yes it is important to be connected and social media can facilitate that. However, it is extremely important to monitor/control what we consume. The world, especially the U.S. is NOT a pretty place right now. Our feeds are filled with Black men and women losing their lives to police, families being ripped apart due to Covid-related deaths, thousands of deaths in Lebanon, a humanitarian crisis in Yemen, and the list goes on and on. Taking breaks from constant exposure to that is crucial to maintaining our mental health. I know it’s easier said than done, and studies have shown that social media is a literal addition, but I find that it helps to set small goals, which can be done easily with i-phones. Simply set a limit to the amount of time you’re able to use social media apps (through the i-phone settings), and it will lock you out of the app once you reach that time limit.

4. Tip 4: The Calm app

I cannot express how in love I am with the Calm app. I believe it’s $70 a year but given that I use it everyday, that’s essentially .20 cents a day. Trust me, it’s wellll worth it. The app includes things like guided meditations, bedtime stories, daily mood check-ins, sound scapes, 7-days of gratitude, and help for anxiety, confidence, relationships, stress, emotions, etc. etc. TBH, you should have bought it when I said .20 cents a day! This app helped me through graduate school as I struggled with stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation, and it continues to help me with those same things as I transition into a new work environment and of course, Covid.

Lastly, I’m not sure whether this is a tip or not due to its broadness but, if I’ve learned anything from all of this craziness, it’s to do things meaningfully and with intention. It’s soooo easy to agree to 1000 Zoom get-togethers when you’re not interacting with other humans, but it gets to a point where we’re just doing things to do them. Like social media. We scroll just because. We binge shop online (maybe just me…), we watch a million shows on Netflix, we eat ALL the cookies/make constant trips just because. Although it’s not easy, I try to be in tune with myself and my needs by being present, and asking myself WHY. Why are you going in the fridge again, Sherez? Are you hungry, or eating to eat? Why did you say yes to that Zoom hang out when you just spoke with that person two days ago (what could have possibly happened in two days during Covid LOL).

I do slip up, often, but I try my damn best. Trying helps me to make it through the hard days, and it makes the other days as close to normal as it’s gonna get, for now.

Any who, I hope this is able to help someone out there in the black void that is the internet.

Goodluck my friends! Sending back the love + light that I’ve received from so many of you. We’ll get through this, poco a poco, and we are in this together…… despite American society’s push for individualism (*cough, cough*).

Until the next one!

S.M.

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Surviving the pandemic hard days: Tips from me + the community It's August 7th and unfortunately, things have gotten exponentially worse.... in the U.S. because the rest of the world has generally gotten their shit together.

#community #Covid #health #society #tips

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singingvio · 5 years ago

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So on the headcanon list I just posted I talked about Vio possibly having ADHD and being distracted easily, and because I’m ADHD myself and relate to Vio’s character a lot, I want to talk about that more.

First, a lecture on what exactly ADHD is and how it works because some people just interpret it as ‘LOL I have an attention span of a millisecond who wants ice cream’ and that’s actually incorrect and it kind of pisses me off, then, after that, more headcanon stuff! :D

(I am not knowledgeable about this in a medical sense by any means, but I DO have a pretty bad case of ADHD so I still know exactly what I’m talking about)

First of all, in case you didn’t know, ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. In non-fancy words, this means Okay Let’s Take Notes Oh My Gosh It’s A Butterfly Let’s Catch It, or A Bit Too Hyper And I Probably Shouldn’t Have A Lot Of Sugar, but there’s more than just that.

There are three major types of ADHD:

ADHD, combined type - This one is the most common type. I have this version of ADHD, and I know the most about it. This means you have trouble paying attention and get easily distracted, and you’re probably hyper or impulsive. This hyperactivity can sometimes last for a very long time, or a very short time. For me, I can be really tired and suddenly want to run a marathon, and then just go to sleep. Or, I can wake up really excited for absolutely nothing and stay that way for almost the whole day. The attention thing you actually can’t fix easily without medication, unlike people with a short attention span who don’t have ADHD. I’ve tried paying attention, and unless I hyperfocus on something (like right now, actually), I CANNOT pay attention for longer than a few minutes. I take medication every morning so my attention span is longer, but that’s really all I can do.

ADHD, impulsive/hyperactive type - This form of ADHD is only hyperactivity. It’s the least common and people with this type of ADHD are energized and can be impulsive or extremely hyper, but this has no affect on their attention span or distractibility. This type still can get distracted, but it’s much harder and they also can’t get into hyperfocus as much as the other two types.

ADHD, inattentive and distractible type - This type is kind of in the middle of how common it is, and it makes it harder to pay attention and you’re easily distractable, and it’s easier to go into hyperfocus (though honestly, I do not reccommend it, you forget to eat and everything). This doesn’t come with being hyper, easily energized, or impulsive, though again, you can still be so without being an ADHD combined type.

We still don’t know how ADHD is caused, but it’s probably genetic. It’s a brain-based biological disorder. Here’s where I get sciency because I had to look this up from multiple sources, so buckle your seatbelts.

People with ADHD have low dopamine levels. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, a type of brain chemical, and can be found using positron emission tomography, or brain-scans. Brain metabolism in people, especially children, with ADHD is shown to be lower in parts of the brain controlling attention, social judgment (we’ll talk about that later), and movement.

Only 4 to 12 percent of children are actually diagnosed with ADHD, and interesting fact, boys are 2-3 times more likely to have hyperactive/combined ADHD than girls. This isn’t important, just a fun fact I guess.

Let’s move on to symptoms of ADHD!

For inattention:

1 - short attention span for age group

2 - difficulty listening to others

3 - hard time remembering details

4 - easily distractable

5 - forgetful often

6 - poor organization

7 - poor study skills

(I’ve got symptoms 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, AND 7.)

For impulsivity/hyperactivity:

1 - Often interrupts others

2 - Not a lot of patience

3 - Tends to blurt out answers

4 - Takes risks and doesn’t think before acting

5 - Has a hard time staying still

6 - Can’t be in one place for long

7 - Fidgets excessively

8 - talks a lot

9 - has hard time engaging in quiet activities

10 - Forgetfulness

11 - Has a hard time staying on tasks and often leaves works uncompleted.

(I’ve got symptoms 1, 2, 4 (the second part), 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, and 11.)

Also, as an added bonus, if you take medication for treatment, you also might experience symptoms of:

1 - insomnia

2 - decreased appetite

3 - stomachaches

4 - headaches

5 - jitteriness

6 - increased hyperactive behavior after the medication wears off.

Also just so you know a lot of people I know with ADHD get in trouble a lot for not paying attention so there’s that! (You don’t know HOW many times I’ve gotten detention for completely forgetting about homework, projects, or just not paying attention)

People with ADHD can also often be diagnosed with anxiety or depression, since dealing with it can be really stressful or make it feel too hard to deal with. (I’ve got anxiety, so I know exactly what this feels like, it’s difficult).

NOW, on to what I think Vio has!

I think Vio has ADHD, combined type, though the attention defecity shows more than the hyperactivity. The hyperactivity just doesn’t seem to match up with his character, as he doesn’t seem to get worked up that much at all. Sometimes when he’s stressed or under pressure, but even then not often. Still, he probably has combined type.

Also, the symptoms I’ve found he shows in the manga are as follows:

Inattention symptoms 1, 2, and 4. However, my personal headcanons also show him having symptoms 3, 6, and 7. I think he’d have a pretty good memory, but not a very sharp one, having a hard time remembering details like the order things happened or the time, but still having a good enough memory that he can rely on it when he needs to without much trouble. I also headcanon that time runs away from him often like me. Time flies with little to no prompting, as the saying goes. ^^

He also has impuslivity/hyperactivity symptoms 1, 3, and 8, though I also headcanon him to have symptoms 5, 6, and 7 as well. He’d probably have a hard time keeping himself from blurting out information, and as a coping mechanism he’s probably try to keep all his thoughts to himself, which explains why he doesn’t talk much to others in the manga. This isn’t a very good coping mechanism, by the way, keeping it all bottled up is just begging for disaster, and I should know.

As for treatment? He probably doesn’t know he has ADHD and just thinks everyone has the same problems he does and is just better at concealing them. When he finds out, either by research or being diagnosed by someone else, he’d probably be shocked.

“Wait, are you saying not everyone has trouble paying attention, staying focused, or sitting still, and even if they do it’s not even that bad? What?”

He’d also probably talk down to himself at some points after that because Vio I feel aims for perfection often, and having a mental disorder would be hard on him since it’s a sign he’s not perfect, which of course he isn’t duh.

After he finds out, he might take medication but mostly rely on therapy. Not an actual therapist, but talking to others about his problems would probably help him more than the medication and dealing with it on his own.

So, yeah! AND NOW, THE THING YOU’VE ALL PROBABLY BEEN TELLING ME TO LIST, HEADCANONS!

- Vio talks to Shadow and Blue the most about having ADHD, since they both might also have it and also they’re easy to talk to once you get to know them.

- He’s one of the types who goes into hyperfocus a noticeable amount. Not so often it’s a big problem, but you might see him at 2 AM furiously writing something down, and then at noon he’ll pass out from exhaustion because it turns out he wasn’t able to fall asleep because he suddenly Had To Do The Thing Right That Second And Couldn’t Stop.

- He’s also the type to get lost in space a lot thinking and you might mistake for sleeping if you can’t see his face. It’s not the same as hyperfocus, but it’s just as hard to get out of when I do it myself.

- He derails the conversation topic unintentionally and as a result tries not to start up conversations. By derailing the topic, I mean you’re talking about your favorite sweets and he’ll suddenly say something about the history of chocolate which will connect to the history of some other food he likes that suddenly turns into Did You Know Water Can Be A Torture Device and then suddenly you’re talking about different torture techniques that are really weird. Candy-->Torture that’s just how it goes sometimes.

- That One Kid Who People Don’t Know How To Talk To Because Their Interests Are Really Uncommon.

- He’s an... okay... notetaker, but try to read the notes and you’re ready to lose that game. His handwriting is terrible because he tries to write everything down before he forgets, which results in sloppiness.

- The medication side-effects he has are effects 1, 2, and 4, but mainly 1 because honestly it’s practically canon in this fandom that Vio has the hardest time sleeping out of the Links.

Most of these headcanons, actually, this entire post, might be me self-projecting but nevertheless I think Vio having ADHD really fits his character and I want to see more ADHD Vio stuff in this fandom because I really like the headcanon.

#vio link #four swords #four swords headcanons #ellis speaks

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