#however. i am still gonna try and not order from there anymore

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Baby: Part Two

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.6k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst, feeling broken and utterly helpless to the point of depression, wanting to die, being shot

Summary: You're trying to prove to Sam and Dean that after two months of having your soul restored, you're all better. You'll gladly play the part if it means they don't worry about you. However, that facade is slowly being stripped away from you the longer you go without facing up to those feelings. You're not okay and you need to stop pretending like you are.

Season Eleven Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

Dean pulls out of the parking lot and resumes the drive to Oregon, and you flip open the blank notebook and put your pen to the paper. Maybe in order to start to heal, you need to get out what's been bothering you. You have to do this for your kids. They'll become Sapphire Witches in the future, maybe only one of them might, but they're going to need something to fall back on when they find themselves in the same situation as you.

You pray to God that they never have to lose their souls but in the instance that it happens, they're gonna want to know what to do or how to get through it. There are plenty of books on the Sapphire Witch, even the journal that the previous Sapphire Witches had all written in. You'll write your own entries one day but right now, you have to focus on making a Scarlet Witch book.

You have to document what happened, what kind of magic you used, and how you felt so that future generations can look back on it and realize they're not alone.

Where do you even begin? From the beginning, I guess.

I am leaving this journal behind as a sort of... guide... for whoever needs to read it. I'm not even sure where to start. I don't remember much about my time as the Scarlet Witch, but I know the Mark of Cain helped me unlock that side of it. Does that mean I'll get that magic back if I ever become soulless again? I'm not sure. It's possible which means it's possible for you to gain these powers, hence this journal. The power I felt... It was like someone flipped a switch in my brain and dialed everything I felt to the maximum. It was evil. It was chaos. I could do things I can't do now. Well, maybe I can. I'm honestly afraid of using my magic in fear I'll tap into that side of me again. I craved power which is what you'll crave if you ever come across this side of you. I did anything I could in order to feed that monster inside of me, including hurting the people I love.

You take a break and look out the window before you start sobbing. Knowing how you feel is different than explaining it on paper for someone to read. It's going to be a long time before you're okay again but you have to get this down on paper before you refuse to do it. You tape the end of your pen rhythmically on the notebook as you think of what to say next.

"So, 'digging into the lore'? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

"Man, I needed that," Sam laughs.

"Look at that, you're finally not a virgin anymore," Dean grins. "You know what? I think it was time. I respect the fact that you know, wanted to stay true and pure and waited."

"You know what? You're an idiot," Sam scoffs.

"You even put a blanket down. Classy and thoughtful as always."

"I tried to give her my number. You know what she said?"

"We got tonight. Who needs tomorrow?"

"Is everything a Bob Seger song to you?"

"Yeah, well..." Dean looks at his brother who tries to hide a yawn. "You're tired. I'm still wired so I'm gonna pull over and get some gas. You hop in the back and get some Z's because you earned 'em. Proud of you, little brother." Dean pulls into the first gas station he sees and looks at you who is still staring out the window. "Hop up here, sweetheart."

You and Sam trade places, and you put your notebook away knowing you can't find the words to say. You don't want to rush this so you'll find some time to write later. You lean your head on the window and close your eyes. Maybe you'll get some sleep if you allow yourself to relax.

You gasp awake when you hear the sound of a train blaring its horn. You're still up front with Dean who has a book open on his lap. Sam jerks and looks around, having been shocked awake from the train as well. Dean is parked on the side of the road since there isn't a motel around for miles, and he doesn't want to drive anymore.

"Welcome to the Winchester Motel. We don't have cable, but we do have room service." Dean takes a beer from the cooler that's sitting on the floorboard by you and tosses it to Sam. "You were singing in your sleep. You know, that song Mom loved that Dad used to always play for us. I think I've actually still got the tape."

"Hey, Dean, when you and Y/N saw the Darkness, you weren't sure if it was the real thing or a vision, right?"

"It was real to me," you whisper.

"I think I've been having visions, too, lately. It's just images. I mean, more of a... feeling, really. I just had one right now, and Dad was in it, but it wasn't Dad like... like the Dad that I grew up with. It was Dad when he was our age. I guess it wasn't even really Dad. It was someone pretending to be Dad and--"

"Okay, what makes you say that?" Dean cuts his brother off from rambling.

"For starters, he told me everything I wanted to hear from him."

"Yeah, that doesn't sound like Dad."

"No. Anyways, whoever it was, they had a message to deliver. They said the Darkness is coming, and only we can stop it."

"Did they have him give you any helpful tips on how to do that?"

"He said, 'God helps those who help themselves.' I mean, maybe these visions are coming from God."

"Are you serious?" you ask.

"The first one happened after I prayed."

"You prayed? When was this?"

"Back with Jenna and Amara. After I got the phone call that Y/N was gone." You look down, remembering how you wanted to end your life. I still do. "I was worried."

"What did you pray about?"

"I guess I was just looking for answers, you know?"

"Well, I'm sure whatever is kicking around in your head right now is a side effect of being in close proximity to Amara."

"I don't think it's that simple."

"Come on, man. That quote? 'God helps those who help themselves'? God didn't say that. That's not even in the Bible. That's an old proverb that dates way back to Aesop." You and Sam look at Dean like he grew two heads. "What? I read. More importantly, when was the last time God answered any one of our prayers? It's not a vision, Sam. It's just some fever dream. That's all. As far as Dad goes, I dream about Dad all the time."

"You do?"

"Of course, I do. It's usually the same one, too." Dean looks down as he speaks, unable to look at anyone in the eyes when he says this. "We're all in the car. I'm sitting in the driver's seat and Dad is sitting shotgun. There aren't any shotguns. There are no monsters. There's no hunting. There's none of that. It's just... He's teaching me how to drive, and I'm not little like I was when he actually taught me how to drive. I'm sixteen, and he's helping me get my learner's permit. Of course, you two are in the backseat, just begging to take a turn. We pull up to the house--the family house--and I park in the driveway. He looks over and says, 'Perfect landing, son.' I have that dream every couple of months. Kind of comforting, actually."

"I always dream about mom. Usually the same kind of thing, though."

"Normal life?"

"Yeah. Normal life. Mean, I know we have a family and kids which is what we dream about, but there is no hunting."

"Yeah, I get it."

"Dean, this wasn't just a dream. I'm telling you."

"Why would somebody dress up like Dad to give you a message? I mean, it's Dad. You don't exactly have a history of listening to what he had to say."

"You two said the Darkness is sending messages to you. Y/N, is this any different than her messages to you? Maybe whatever is the opposite of the Darkness is sending messages to me."

"You think that's God?" you ask. "He's not exactly a team player at the moment."

"Okay, maybe it's not God, but--"

"Look, I know what you're trying to do here. You're trying to find some greater meaning to it all. Right? Some explanation as to what went down. I'm telling you, Sam. The Darkness? It's on us. No one's gonna help us, certainly not God, so we'll have to figure this thing out like we always do. Until then, we hunt."

"Goodnight, jerk," Sam scoffs.

"Night, bitch."

It's lights out now, so you and Dean shift so that he's lying on the seat with you on top of him. You rest your head above his heart while he rubs your back softly to calm your racing heart. You lift your head enough to catch his eyes.

"Dean, I..."

The words are lodged in your throat.

"I know, sweetheart. I do, too," he whispers.

You lean up and kiss him emotionally before putting your head back down on his chest. You don't have any nightmares and you think it's because you're in your husband's arms. 

When you wake up the next morning, Dean finishes the drive to Oregon and drops Sam off at the Sheriff's station while you and Dean head to the ME's office to look at the body. After getting what he needs, you two head back to the station and wait for Sam to be done. You're sitting in the front with your head leaning on the window just watching the wind blow the leaves on the ground. Dean reaches over and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, and you turn your head to look at him.

"How are you doing?"

"Okay, I guess."

"I want you to be honest with me about how you're feeling. I'm your husband."

"I wish I wasn't here. I know that's not fair of me to say but it's true. I should have let Death put me on another planet when I had the chance."

"I promised you that I would bring you back and I did. I took care of you while you were stuck inside my head. Now, I promise you that I will get you back to how you were before. No matter how long it takes." You scoot closer to him and put your forehead on his. He drops his voice to a whisper. "I promise you'll feel okay one day."

"I love you so much."

"I love you so much."

You two share a slow and intimate kiss. Everything else melts away so that it's only you and Dean in this moment. You pull away just as Sam walks out of the Sheriff's station and just like that, everything comes back into focus.

"Hey, the coroner showed me the sheriff's body. It was mauled all right. Get this, his heart was missing and his was body completely drained of blood."

"So, what? Are we looking for a werewolf/vampire hybrid?"

"Say it with me. A Were-pyre. Huh?" Dean asks with a grin.

"No."

"Come on."

"I'm not saying that," Sam snips.

"Whatever. I called Cas and told him to look into the lore. What do you got?"

"The Sheriff's replacement, Deputy Donnelly, is not the brightest bulb. I got a copy of his report, through. Maybe he missed something."

Speaking of, the Deputy walks to the window and kneels down right where Dean is sitting.

"Agents."

"Deputy."

"They must be your partners. Agent Walsh and Richards, right?" He looks from Sam to you to Dean. "Pleasure to meet you. I just want to thank you three for stopping by. We really appreciate your due diligence."

"Actually, do you know a motel where we can crash for the night?"

"You're staying?"

"Yeah, we want to be thorough."

"Well, there's a motel on Downey that'll give you a good price. If you're looking for a decent meal, you can't beat Aunt Mel's down by the train station. Parking is a bitch but it's the best damn steak in the whole state."

"You had me at 'steak'," Dean grins.

Dean drives to Aunt Mel's and grumbles in annoyance when he sees the valet parking service. He doesn't see a way out of it so he's forced to use their service. Sam looks over at his brother who refuses to hand his keys over to the very young woman.

"Dean, people valet park all the time. Come on, live a little."

Dean gets out of the car and hands the woman his keys but not without a warning.

"Yeah, listen, uh," he looks at her nametag, "Jessie, not a scratch, okay?"

You three head inside and Sam gets a table in the back, and you pull your phone out of your pocket to call Molly.

"Hey, how's the hunt going?" she answers.

"Oh, uh, okay. How are the kids?"

"The girls are angels. It's Noah I'm still having trouble with. Don't worry, I've dealt with this kind of thing before. I always leave a family with everyone loving me."

"Is he there with you?"

"Yeah."

"Put him on, please." There is a shuffle on the other end before Noah comes on the line. You step off to the side to speak privately while the brothers order food. "Noah, why are you giving Molly a hard time?"

"I want to be out there with you hunting."

"Noah... I know you want to come out with us but getting an education and being a kid is more important. You'll have your entire life to hunt but you can only be a kid once. Trust me, as someone whose childhood was stolen, being a kid is so much more important."

"Yeah, I guess," he sighs.

"Okay, look, why don't I make a deal with you? If you continue to go to school and not give Molly a hard time, I'll take you out and practice hunting with you. I'll teach you how to use all sorts of weapons and give you some training. Deal?"

"Yeah, we can do that."

"Okay, I gotta go but I love you."

"I love you, too."

x

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[zarathelonewolf]

I cannot for the life of me figure out something about the Angel in Gachiakuta.

It seems to be Tamzy Caines, right? That's what was revealed. However...

Why would he "rescue" Amo, give her the boots?

Why????

I mean, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I have read people say that Tamzy may have volatile feelings (maybe he wanted to share the cake but then something in his head cackled hysterically and he chose not to), but he seems almost always cool and collected to me. Not the way Zodyl is, but still pretty calm, and he can hide his fears and homicidal tendencies very well.

Why. Did. He. Help. Amo. That. One. Time.

Why.

Is it part of a bigger plan? Here are my theories. They aren't necessarily separate and independent, maybe there are true elements in both of them.

Theory 1: Don't bite on more than what you can chew

A hypothesis I have is that Tamzy had given the Watchman series Jinki to various people: one Jinki for each of them.

If my theory is correct, Regto was killed because he had the gloves... AND the book. Maybe he wasn't meant to have the book and that's why Tamzy DID take the book, but didn't take the gloves away from Rudo: the gloves WERE supposed to belong with Regto and whoever he chose as family.

Perhaps Amo received the boots because, much like Regto, the man who held her in the tower after their "marriage" (blegh) had stolen the boots... and she hadn't. I also think she had a greater potential to cause harm, so Tamzy chose her as a more suitable owner for the Watchman series.

When she failed... when she wasn't violent anymore... Tamzy attacked her, and segregated her.

Notice that I am speaking about violent tendencies. I am doing so because Rudo, according to Semiu's, Tamzy's own observations and those of other characters, has something dark growing within him. Maybe Tamzy wants people like these to own the Watchman series. That's why he "allows", in my opinion, Zodyl to own the coat, why he allowed Amo to own the boots, Regto the gloves.

But, here's the thing! Regto wasn't a violent individual at all during the moments we see him. So maybe Tamzy didn't simply attack him because he had the book, but because he wasn't a suitable pawn anymore, as well.

Theory 2: Stairway to Heaven and Hell

A theory I have is that the Watchman series itself gives someone the potential to cross the border and live. Not an absolute guarantee that you're gonna cross it, but it can increase your chances. It may or may not be connected to what I have just observed, about someone's "aptitude/level of violence desired" for the role of Watchman-series-custodian.

The theory comes from the fact that Tamzy was able to cross the border, just like Rudo, even if they did so by going in opposite directions; and while Rudo certainly had the gloves on, we don't know if Tamzy had the book with him.

When Tamzy went up, it was months before he killed Regto. Did Regto notice that Tamzy was looking at Rudo suspiciously? Did he steal the book, or ask to receive the book under a false pretense? Did Tamzy realize that it was to try and keep him from Rudo, so he killed Regto for that reason?

When he has the book, Tamzy returns to the surface. But not before. Amo doesn't seem to hint at seeing the Angel more than that one time when she received the boots. Which makes me assume that Tamzy stayed on the Sphere for a while, saw Rudo, was antagonized by Regto directly or indirectly due to his twisted "love" (supposedly because he had found the perfect match for a piece of the Watchman series, and possibly the rest of them), killed Regto, got the book he had lent back and then went back to the ground.

And after that, he stopped moving in order to monitor Rudo.

There is a creature that guards the border. Maybe Tamzy serves it. But it seems to me that he was born on the Sphere, which the Manga says he hates, so a possible allegiance with the creature may have come later, instead of Tamzy being it's simple offshoot. It could otherwise be hypothesized that the creature is worshiped by Tamzy, who considers people that survive meeting the being "blessed" and worthy of consideration, of "love".

... I lost myself halfway in this ramble. Ignore it if it's too confusing.

[aniimoni]

Hello, have you gushed over your hcs of miserable Narinder somewhere yet? Because.. do you mind doing it again? I think I am intrigued

First off, anon, thank you very much for asking this. Second, it’s more precisely an AU, but a hc works too!

Keep in mind this is a very recent idea for me, so I only have the gist of it.

That being said, you have opened pandora’s box:

This AU starts off with Lamb meeting TOWW (Narinder) while they are very much opposites. Lamb yearns for community and a simple pleasant life, TOWW is still a power hungry god and pretty much hell bent on revenge. However, they both see the common ground they have: the Bishops and their feelings towards them. Lamb hesitantly agrees to start the cult in his name, they find Narinder’s idea of revenge slightly intriguing, but they do not really have a big picture in mind.

Lamb is the first to try and initiate some sort of community with Narinder, especially during the times that gaining new followers was very new to them. Narinder was a familiar face, and they very honestly felt some pity for him; not having been able to step outside for such a long time and all that. They would often die on purpose in order to pay a visit, hopefully start some kind of conversation.

At first, the frequent visits confused him very much and, at times, annoyed him. Getting his revenge was the only goal in his mind, and he wanted it quickly. BUT! I imagine (no, I KNOW) being isolated (even with Aym and Baal) for as long as Narinder was, he got very bored. So, after a couple visits, and some temptations, he began to feel more curious than inconvenienced. Lamb would often bring him things from the mortal world that they think would interest him, or that he should get to know. Eventually, some form of story time became a tradition. Lamb would come to his domain and tell him a story, wether it was an event that happened that day (gossip lol) or even a folk tale of some sort. It was, in a way, ridiculous to him. But he did find them “enriching” at times.

Over time, he grew very fond of Lamb and their visits. He found that it was his way of connecting with the world after such a long time, that’s what a vessel is for, after all. And, with the growing of the cult, they would describe to him how beautifully it was coming along. They would tell him about the gleaming orchards, luminescent nights, bountiful farms, delicious food, and gorgeous architecture. But what he found a lot of interest in was hearing about how the followers were also growing. He got to hear about cultists finding each other, getting to know one another, forming bonds, friendships, falling in love, getting married, forming lives together. Narinder got to hear about community, something he had been deprived of for such a long time. Eventually, the idea of getting revenge as soon as he was set free wasn’t the most intriguing idea anymore. He began to understand and know the feeling that the lamb described as no other than yearning. He yearned for gleaming orchards, the luminescent nights, the bountiful farms, the delicious food, and the gorgeous architecture. He yearned for community. But the horrid realization he had to come to terms with was the fact that he yearned to have this all with the lamb. He wanted to experience it all with no one other than the one who took it upon themselves to bring these ideas to him (the guy would daydream for fucks sake like oh my god get a grip you are in the trenches dude they’re gonna have to die for you to be fully free wth are you doing,, anyway). He yearned for this feeling to be returned, and it made him miserable.

Yes, the lamb enjoyed Narinder’s company- yes, they enjoyed the community the cult offered- but, they had had a growing change in perspective. The amount of control the crown offered was interesting. They could destroy the other gods, the problem, easily. With the power they had been given, they didn’t need to fear. There wasn’t a need to yearn when they could just get what they want at their own will. They began to see a much bigger picture.

The time for the final sacrifice grew nearer- BUT SURPRISE! Even with impending freedom, Narinder was more miserable than ever. He came to terms with the fact he wanted the lamb to be at his side, or well, he wanted to be at THEIR side. However, there was the dilemma of the final sacrifice that was needed. And who could ever want to be with someone who needed them to die? He had no clue what to do but stall, which could only last so long.

Reluctantly, he finally informed Lamb of what needed to be done, they refused (obviously dude). They fought. Neither could really understand what it was the other was fighting for. They couldn’t understand how 2 sides of the same coin could tumble from side to side so much.

Narinder was usurped. Lamb claimed victory. Both of them were in shock, because neither had REALLY imagined this. No one knew what to do next. The lamb expected at least some anger from Narinder’s part, some form of resistance, but they absolutely did not expect him to plead.

Even he couldn’t understand why he was on his knees, gripping at their cape. All he could really understand and know was the feeling, and it was more overwhelming now, more than ever. He yearned for a life. He pleaded for mercy, for a chance. And, the worst of it all, is that the lamb understood the tears in his eyes and the begging of his words, and Narinder the stoic expression on their face and the confusion in their silence.

Lamb allowed him to stay, but had no idea what to do with him. So, they locked him (not literally) in a hut; which he pretty willingly stayed in (in an effort to ease tensions). They try to avoid him as much as they can, but he keeps clinging onto the dreams they passed down to him.

Anyways yea that’s it lol, like i said pretty simple and vague as of right now 🫶🏼 some stuff might change idk

[catwouthats]

“Why are you getting more and more confident about lokius??”

I was an ineffable bureaucracy shipper before it was canon.

I said “Hey look at the possible meaning behind Gabriel trying to smash a fly with the “commit adultery” Bible” and was fucking right

I am also a byler truther. (There is so much for this I’m not even gonna start)

I took a film class(es) and learned about cinematography, mise em scene, symbols and motifs!!

I used what I learned from film class (and from gender race and film class) to discover the key differences in queer coding and queer baiting. (Usually queer baiting involves more so how it is advertised and joked about. Queerness is not taken seriously and it is teased in queerbait.)

I am unofficially studying queer film rep from a sociological lens as society/viewers have changed (or is it economical since it has to do with money, supply and demand… but it also has to do with the viewers and believes?… what social science am I using-)!!

While it is definitely not 100% possible for lokius to be canon, it gets more and more possible with each episode in my eyes.

With all the symbols, parallel, cinematography, music choices, etc that go in to lokius… well it makes it harder and harder for them to deflect these meanings onto something else. (An example is how in Sherlock BBC they deflect a lot of the meanings in to “they are just partners in crime and that is ONLY reflecting that” and “it was just a joke”)

Not only that, as time goes on, less and less cinematography etc. is needed in order for a queer couple to become canon (or at least that kinda was true…). They don’t need as much build up because it is getting (or was getting) more and more accepted. More normalized, even if people didn’t “accept” it. Media does not have to code it/build up to it as much anymore. (This however is not as true for trans rep. Also, as more anti lgbt laws get/have gotten passed, we will start to see a sort of recession in lgbt rep, specifically trans rep. Very unfortunate imo, as a queer nonbinary individual.)

Considering Loki season 2 was made in 2021 (if I am correct), and written before hand, it probably will have some queerness somewhere as it was probably before many of the anti-lgbt laws.

In the least, I am confident lokius will be queer coded or “left up for interpretation” as there still is a s3 that will be coming way later. (It would suck if they pulled that though, yet it would not be super surprising.)

[stupidloafofbread]

Why didn't he listen?

If he had just listened, maybe he wouldn't have been in this situation.

Or maybe, they were right: he wasn't strong enough.

Helly was known by some of the broomstown residents as a few things: A child, that one rescue team helicopter or just annoying. He couldn't help but agree from time to time with those things. But now, he was just stuck with his own thoughts.

I should've listened.

He thought. There was a storm or a hurricane that was supposed to hit, he couldn't remember. He only remembered flying out of the station then helping someone before the wind had picked up and carried him away, before sending him crashing into a cavern (idk what it's actually called, stay with me here-) where he had hit his head on the way down, causing him to lose consciousness for a bit before waking up. He had tried calling someone for help, but there was no signal. He had to face the truth: He's stuck.

And to make matters worse, the cavern was slowly filling up with water. Helly couldn't fly out, for some reason?

"Huh?...Don't tell me my propeller is broken at a time like this!"

It was. Just great, he couldn't escape..

Meanwhile, at the rescue station..

"Has anyone heard from helly? It's been awhile.."

"Come to think of it, I don't think so?"

"I hope he's alright, considering how windy it is and all"

Were they concerned? Amber and Roy seem to be, but what about Jin? It was there that poli had decided something.

"I'm gonna go look for him."

"In this weather? No your not-"

"Jin. he could be hurt, or worse.."

Jin sighed. She figured he was right

"Still, I'm not risking any of you getting damaged or hurt. You're staying here poli."

"But-"

"Nope."

So she didn't care? That's not right. He'll just have to sneak out!

Meanwhile, things weren't looking good for Helly.

The water kept rising higher and higher. He tried to escape most of it by getting into a rock, but that too was slowly being taken over by water.

"I'm not gonna get out of this, am i?" And he was right.

Soon enough, the water got closer to his face (screen? Idfk). He tried to move back a bit more but slipped, causing him to fall into the rising water. He couldn't process what just happened fast enough, but once he realized the fact he was underwater, he desperately tried getting out of the water. But to no avail, he failed. Something was keeping him down, but what? Was it because of him being made out of heavy materials that's keeping him down? Or was it because of the force of the water pushing him down? He didn't have time to find out. It was getting harder to see.

Back at the rescue station, Poli did exactly what he said he'd do and went to try and find Helly. In order to find him, he had to sneak out. Which wasn't exactly that hard, as he had help from Amber who had snuck out before and decided to go with him.

After a while of running, they decided to split up: amber went to look in the fields while poli went out to the forest to look for helly. They both had no luck, so poli called for roy to help them. It took awhile, but eventually roy decided to search with poli. Two people are better than one after all.

Wish the same could be said for helly.

His sight was getting worse as it just got harder to breathe. he figured he was drowning, but couldn't do anything to stop it. It was like, his body had just shut down. He did have to admit, the water was freezing- but it also felt nice?

Eventually, his vision went pitch black. He also couldn't feel the cold water anymore.

Back with Roy and Poli, however..

One of them managed to find the cavern Helly was in, as his signal had finally popped up.

"Poli, I've found him! I think-"

"Wait where?"

In an instant, poli had showed up right next to roy, despite being nowhere near him moments before.

"Down in that cavern"

"And how exactly do we get down there?"

"We can swim, just jump down into the water-"

"Roy, you expect me to do what now."

"Just do it, for helly's sake-"

And with that, poli was pushed down into the cavern by Roy. He surprisingly didn't hit anything on the way down, but he did end up landing in the freezing water with a splash.

"Roy! What the hell was that for?!"

"To find helly, duh"

"You didn't have to push me-"

Before he could finish speaking, something shiny and gray poked out from the top of the water. Poli swam up next to it and tried pulling it up, only to find it was none other than helly. Exactly who he was trying to find! But..why wasn't he moving?

"Helly? Hey, wake up-"

"Did you find him?"

"Mhm! But, he isn't responsive.."

"I'll get amber just in case!"

"and just leave us here? oh and he's gone-"

After an hour or so, roy and amber had arrived. They managed to get both poli and helly out, (we won't ask how, shut up-). Amber had asked to look over helly to make sure he was okay, they both agreed. While amber was making sure he was alright, poli was just worried if he was even still alive.

"Hey guys?.."

"Yeah amber?"

"Huh? What's up?"

"I uh, think he's dead"

"What do you mean "you think"?!"

"..That explains the unresponsive part..Wait what."

"Roy, I meant- nevermind. All in all, he died by drowning"

"Oh- I thought he died due to the water being freezing-"

"How'd you know it's freezing?"

"I may or may not have pushed him into the water to see if helly was okay"

"Thanks for that by the way. Now I'm cold."

"I meant, it worked didn't it?-"

"Guys, this is no time for jokes. Helly is dead."

"Right. Someone has to tell Jin"

"I refuse to. Just call her here, she can find out herself."

"Minus the fact he's dead, what's got you so upset?"

"Jin didn't seem to care if he got hurt."

"Oh? Wait yeah, she didn't even let you go out earlier to try and find her-"

"So it's basically her fault?"

Poli couldn't deny that he felt as if it was her fault, but he also felt it was his fault for not going out sooner. After a bit of silence, amber had contacted Jin and told her to get to them asap. Once Jin arrived, she was shocked to say the least.

"I didn't expect him to die! I thought he could swim, all of you guys can!"

"But you have to remember, he is the youngest of us all"

"Was the youngest."

"...Still-"

After another hour of complete silence, they all went back to the rescue station. No one knew what happened to helly's body, it was either Jin had taken it to try and "repair" him or was dismantled. Regardless, Poli only blamed himself afterwards.

If only I had been quicker, maybe he wouldn't have drowned.

Was all he could think.

-------------

I DID IT!!

Sorta a oneshot, which was requested by @darkoplayzzz :3

God I'm tired from writing lmao

Never actually expected it to be that long tho

Oh and here, @aliceangel7891

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, thank you for replyimg to my previous question. I'm the person who asked you how to stand up for myself in the face of people humiliating me for how I look. After some reflectiom, I have some questions to ask with regards to this topic.

I showed a friend a picture of 12 year old me, when I was bullied. She was surprised and told me I seemed so carefree, cheerful, expressive and an exciting and fun person to have around. Never in a million years me or my 12 year old self would have imagined someone describing me with those terms. Altough I objectively agree with her assessment, as I didn't have any fear to be authentic and express my emotions back then, I was made to feel like the most unwanted piece of worthless dirt by my peer group, and that's what I believed my entire life.

Sometimes I would attract boys romantically, so I think it was because they were able to see what my friend saw recently. But I was still almost universally denigrated, so I am confused. I came to the realization that those kids (and these adults as of recently, but also people in general) wanted to control me through shaming. The question is why? Why do they want to control me? By putting me down and telling me I am not entitled to be respected because of my appearance (that's what a drunkhard middle aged man told me in front of a crowd of strangers) what do these people get out of it?

I realized those kids (some of them who are now adult males still attempted to do it after all these years) wanted to dim my light, but why? Anyway, I realized they succeeded. I became a shell of my former self. I completely lost that authenticity and spontaneity. It still exists within me but I am unable to bring it out anymore. I am very aloof, cold, emotionless, expressionless and rigid on the outside. That's what my friend tells me now. For a long time I've felt like I didn't have the “right to exist” or allowed to have human emotions, which brings me to the second question. How can I be authentic again? I forgot both how to do it and I am afraid of doing it. I realized my problem is cowardice. I know what if I dare to affirm my existence, “express myself” and claim my space in the world I would draw a lot of attention and a lot of enemies who would try to “put me in my place” again.

Truth to be told, deep inside I don't actually hate or dislike myself, I am just obeying the people who tell me I should to in order to keep peace and “belong”. But belong to what exactly? Nothing. This is not peace and this is not belonging, but I guess I instinctively make this reasoning to justify my cowardice. I avoid to do the activities I want in order not to be seen and shamed by people (for example, I think I am highly likely to be humiliated in environments such as nightclubs, so I avoid them, which makes me feel bad in turn because I am repressing myself and letting others dictate my actions and the way I live, and the thing I want the most is freedom to be myself and live however I want without fear of everybody's eyes on me).

I know that if I dare to be confident, self-assured and expect the the best out of things, people are gonna despise me and try their hardest to put me back in my place, so I hate myself to appease them, which makes no sense because I am despised both when I make myself small and make myself unimportant and when I act confident. I'm still paid dust when I put myself down for others' appeasement, yet I still do it. I don't know why. It must be mental laziness. I was raised to be passive and punished for advocating for myself so maybe I'm just sticking to an easy habit. People at large think “ugly people” deserve less, so it enrages them when they see someone breaking the social rules they abide to at their own detriment. That's the conclusion I reached. Am I missing something? How do I move from here? How do I find the courage to claim my place in the word and deal with conflit and opposition?

If this can help with your assessment, I also pondered an early childhood memory. I was in kindergarten and other children where organizing a “theatrical play”. I wanted the main character role. After fighting for it they gave it to me, but I was afraid of everybody looking at me and having their attention so I gave the role up to someome else. So I wanted the “main character” role and the attention but at the same time I was afraid of being the main character and getting the attention I desired. I don't know why exactly. I don't remember being shamed for my appearance back then (I didn't have the traits I would be later shamed on), but I remember feeling unseen and unwanted. Maybe it originated from an early memory in my life. I saw two little boys on a slide and I asked them if I could climb and play with them. They laughed at me and told me no, and I remember feeling rejected and shaken to the core by this.

About my other question, as I said, I used to be able to attract romance as an early teen. But after I “shut down” that hasn't happened ever since. I am no longer that person and right now I feel like I am incapable of attracting love. How can I attract love again in the current way that I am?

And lastly, I've never took care of my appearance (as in, dressing well), I would always wear the same 3 shirts and sweatpants because I thought it was useless for me to care about these things since I would get shamed anyway, but lately I've found that I want to start dressing well, do my hair, wear some accessories and a dress (feminine), so when I wore a good outfit my self-esteem instantly shot up, so I am worried about my self-esteem depending on what I wear. How do I prevent that from happening? Also, how do I know if I'm dressing well “for myself” or for social validation and as a cover up for low self-esteem? Because I don't want it to be for the latter reason, so how does one draw the line between these two aspects when it comes to this topic?

---------------------

If you are referencing a previous post, please provide the post number from the url. If I have to dig for it, it takes time away from writing a response.

1) Distorted Cognition: You are wasting a lot of mental energy being preoccupied with how other people react to you. Why? With your past experience, you've convinced yourself that everyone in the world is a (potential) threat, which is simply untrue. No matter where you go in the world, there are kind people and there are mean people, and a very small minority of violent people. Unfortunately, you have been unlucky to encounter a lot of mean people.

However, what you don't realize is that your mind is now primed to pick out and remember mean people the most, which makes you a bit blind to the kind people around you. Living in fear means that you are always on the lookout for threats, and then that's all you ever see. Start looking for something else, such as the kind people, and you may find that your perception of the world shifts. Once you start to notice kind people more, you will be in a better position to surround yourself with them, which would dramatically change your social life. But first you have to recognize that not everyone is out to hurt you.

People who have experienced trauma such as bullying are often prone to emotional reasoning. Emotional reasoning is unhealthy because it distorts your perceptions, beliefs, judgments, and decision making. If this is not something you can stop on your own, then it is a good idea to work with a therapist.

2) Lack of Boundaries: You waste mental energy ruminating on why mean people are mean. By doing this, you are essentially taking on other people's baggage as your own. The way you live should be decided through the power of individual choice, but by fixating on others, you cede this power to them. Is someone forcing you to do this? No. You are volunteering time and effort that could otherwise be spent on living your life authentically.

Why are mean people mean? Frankly, it is irrelevant. You are making their meanness matter (and thus making jerks matter), probably because your thinking is unrealistic due to unhealthy Ni. If you're anything like other immature Fs, you walk around thinking that everyone "should" be nice and affirming. If you didn't have such an underlying belief or desire or fantasy, then you wouldn't react so badly when reality proves you wrong. Rather, you'd simply accept the fact that some people are nice and some people aren't, and then adapt accordingly in the moment.

What you haven't understood is that it doesn't matter how beautiful you are, how awesome your personality is, how much success or glory you achieve in life, there are always going to be people who dislike or even hate you for their own personal reasons. When you learn how to truly respect people's right to have their own thoughts rather than expecting them to have the thoughts you want them to have, then you'll understand that their thoughts don't have to be yours. You'll finally realize that what other people think, say, or do is really none of your business, and then you'll be able to focus on what's most important, which is living your life as well as you can.

Do what is best for your well-being. Wear whatever clothes you want to express who you are. Explore the world and learn more about yourself. If people don't like it, that's their business, but does it have to be your business? Their thoughts don't have to matter at all. It's simply a choice you make about where to focus your attention. The world is constantly bombarding us with all kinds of things, but not all of it requires a reaction or response, does it? Developing mature Ni requires you to learn how to tune out everything that doesn't relate directly to your main purpose.

Review my previous reply. I already brought up boundaries. Until you learn to create a healthy boundary between yourself and others, you will keep getting overrun or violated by others. If drawing healthy boundaries is something you aren't able to learn on your own, then it is a good idea to work with a therapist. You can also take workshops in assertiveness, communication skills, and conflict resolution skills to help improve your social confidence. There are lots of ways to improve your situation, but how are you going to take advantage of those opportunities when all of your attention is misspent on trying to make sense of the jerks in the world?

[charles-leclerc-official]

The team orders on McLaren were the most blatant example I've seen of just straight favoring one driver over another in a while. They were free to race until Oscar was clearly about to overtake Lando any moment, and then suddenly they have to hold positions for no explicable reason. They were around 12-15 seconds ahead, I think, at the time and the conditions were fairly stable. Then they're free to race again with the only change in conditions being that suddenly Oscar isn't a danger to overtake anymore.

I am not a McLaren or Lando fan, so yeah, I'm salty. But I really need the other teams to get it together and find pace. I could deal with Max's dominance in 2023 because he had proven he was an amazing driver. Lewis' dominance in previous seasons was the same. But McLaren is just a straight rocketship that would carry any half decent driver across the line and they take almost every opportunity to protect Lando from his teammate when he's even slightly threatened.

Race 1 in Oscar's home race and doing that is embarrassing.

As an aside, I'm trying to be calm about Ferrari because I expect nothing good from them in the rain anyway. I'm still disappointed but honestly I expected a wet weather disasterclass so here we are. I just wish they would have had Charles on the Mediums like he wanted and then pitted them with everyone else for inters.

Yeah. Now the timing compared to when the radio was shown on broadcast was different. They told him to back off when they were lapping cars. But honestly I don't think that changes anything. We still had racing last year in Mexico when the front was lapping the backmarkers. To me that's just their excuse but I don't think it's a good enough one.

If they won't let them race when they have a massive gap to the rest of the field and there is no threat from behind then are they ever going to actually let them race? I doubt they really mean it. They are probably saying it to avoid media trouble and in reality will continue to pull stuff like this.

I suspect at some point they will "let them race" conveniently when Lando is behind so they can have an example of that.

As far as Ferrari goes, I am not gonna say that was good from the team. However I am very pleased both our drivers brought the car back in one piece through all that chaos. In conditions like this I do have a little relief that we didn't start the season with any massive mistakes that require repairs. Small consolation but sue me I'll take it.

[sillymaxing]

...hi again. I <3 this blog sm if you can't tell.

Do you think Tord would notice if Matt had a spell of like...self concious...trauma induced stuff, like he goes quiet and stuff. I hope that makes sense. :3

Note: I turned this into Tord being uncaring when he realizes (gaslights himself into believing) it isn’t his fault.

Matt is, in my opinion, the type to shut down, let it get bottled up, and then explode.

At first Tord notices Matt becoming silent. Normally this ginger fuckhead is ALWAYS YAPPING.

Matt also does work at a very very steady pace. Something that would raise suspicion in Tord’s mind is when Matt is finished with his workload early, and asking for more things to do.

Tord would give Matt more and more things to do.

Matt would stay up late getting things done. And after Matt hadn’t slept for 2 days, Tord would just lie and say there wasn’t anymore work to do.

But Matt gets angry at this??

“You’re gonna fall behind. Patryck has work to do still, and I should lighten his load.”

Tord decides to question Matt’s lack of sleep, to which Matt just brushes off and says he’s been taking naps so it’s fine.

“Maybe you should take a break, Matt. You’ve been working so hard, and I appreciate it. However, we need you to be your best self.”

“Oh? Am I not my best self? Who’s fault is that, Tord?”

Like a drama queen, he storms out.

Tord has Patryck talk to him. He knows the two are closer.

Patryck doesn’t have any luck, and decides it would be best to take a little more extreme measures.

So they lock him in his room with orders to rest.

That’s when Matt throws a fucking fit.

“SURE! LOCK ME UP LIKE ALL OF MY OTHER FRIENDS. YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOU CREATED THE WORLD WE’RE LIVING IN NOW! This is all YOUR FAULT.”

He’s banging on the doors, screaming at the top of his lungs. Hands pulling at his hair, scratching at his metal jaw.

“Sir-“

Tord holds a hand up, silencing Patryck.

“Matt, where is this coming from?”

Tord sounds concerned, worried for his friend on the other side of the door.

“You made me- you made me organize the supply for- I’ve been- YOU FORCED ME TO!”

Matt’s breaths sound labored, voice cracking with anguish. Pat’s face seems to flush, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Tord. Everything clicks together.

Recently Pat had assigned Matt to track and certify certain shipments of medical supplies. One specific shipment contained items for Tom. It was obvious that Matt knew what they were for. And Matt was forced to approve the package, and bring it into the base, where he knew Tom would suffer.

Pat and Tord give each other a look, not knowing what exactly to do. They both wait on the other to do something. Pat is closer with Matt, but Tord knows more about his friendships and life.

“Im sorry, Matt. That was something I overlooked.”

In reality, it was in fact Matt’s job to do what Pat told him to. But he was also his friend, so it made situations like these complicated.

“I’m going to give you the next 3 days off. We’ll talk about this another time. But there’s nothing you can do about Tom right now. Just try to rest.”

Pat looks over at Tord in shock, wincing as Matt starts cussing them both out. He had expected Tord to be a bit softer.

“Pat. He’s your problem. I have things to do. He helped us get ahead of schedule, so fix this.”

[destinygoldenstar]

Disventure Camp Season 2 But The Wheel Decides Their Fate

We're doing a wheel of fate with the Disventure Camp Season 2 Cast.

I did this with the Season 1 Cast as well. Here's the link for that one.

TLDR, I did not like that roll at all XD

If you don't know what this is, I'll explain it:

Basically, you're making a 'My Way' of the Total Drama Elimination Order (Disventure Camp in this case). BUT you spin a wheel for EVERY placement.

Every time a vote off is made. Every twist involving team shakeups. Which Team loses. Etc. You can get some pretty WILD results from these.

And I want to come up with scenarios where I TRY to explain why these eliminations happened.

EMPHASIS ON 'TRY'.

So let's get into it:

So same teams. Same rules as there are in canon.

Last time we rolled for a team swap. But that's not the case here.

So we're going straight to elimination.

How we do that is we spin a wheel to decide which team loses.

Here we go.

Whichever this lands on, this team LOSES.

Let's get this started!

Episode 1 Elimination

Welp. No variation yet.

We're eliminating an orange team player.

Here's the Orange Team Wheel.

We're gonna spin this, and whoever this lands on is the one who is eliminated.

Let's see, who is our intern?

Is it gonna be Oliver again?????

Wait NO NO NO NO NO NO NOT ROSA NOT ROSA!!!

GOSH DARN IT NOOOO

FIRST BOOT?!?!

FIRST BOOT?!?!?!? WHY?!??!!

I LOVE ROSA! COME ON WHEEL!!!

Oh geez, how do I explain that too? I have no idea.

That's like, the ONE character I can't see getting booted here. Are you kidding me?!

FIRST BOOT?!?!?!

Explanation:

Rosa Maria is a mama bear of her team. Her backstory is that she is a teen mom raising a three year old daughter. Her reasoning to win the show is to get the money to invest in her daughter's future.

However, she is also a threat to James' gameplay, because she becomes the leader of a girls alliance in Maggy and Lake. The majority alliance.

So when they lose, and Oliver doesn't do his hallucination thing here, he just can't beat Riya 👑, James tells lies to Maggy and Lake about Rosa. Lies about how terrible of a mother she really is and how she's a thief from where she comes from.

It prompts the girls to turn on Rosa and vote her off.

Which also means, ROSA is our Intern character! SHE'S the one that gets a job with Krystal in this version!

I guess because she's desperate for money to help her daughter.

So yeah, no matter what, Rosa gets screwed by lies.

But her being an Intern is interesting because it means she's still associated with Lake, and she's one of the nicest characters in the Season, so it's a neat foil to Krystal who is a victim of severe parental neglect. And now her intern is also a parent looking after their child.

I guess a thing to point out is that this means Rosa can't be swapped teams anymore. So this means she NEVER gets associated with Riya. And that's interesting, cause that's a major plot point and major factor in Riya's face turn later.

So does that mean Riya face turns at all in this version?

We'll see.

Episode 2 Elimination

Okay. That has a bad roll.

We already lost one of my favorite Season 2 characters.

That's not a good sign.

Let's see which team loses the Awake-A-Thon...

OH THAT WAS CLOSE.

THAT WAS SO CLOSE.

But it's Green this time.

CANON VARIANCE!

If we lose Riya right now, I'm gonna SCREAM.

Here's my Green Team Wheel!

PLEASE NOT RIYA.

I SWEAR TO GOD.

LAND ON YUL. BOOT YUL. PLEASE.

I am using my Golden powers to manifest the wheel landing on Yul...

DAMMIT!

I'm sorry Hunter.

I guess Allyson got jealous he was also associated with Tess.

Though that's very out of character for Allyson to do this I think. She's a very chill true to herself girl. So I don't think she would target anyone just because they do something she doesn't like.

Explanation:

Okay, so you know how Hunter allied with Yul in the beginning?

Well, him and Tess.

Same happens here. But when they lose and Hunter asks if she wants to vote with him, she asks who is with this alliance.

When he says Yul, she says "No. I don't respect him enough to work with him."

So they DON'T actually have majority.

This results in her throwing her vote on Yul, and Riya Connor and Kai working together to vote Hunter.

Why Hunter? Because they believe Allyson is with them due to her getting along with Hunter that challenge. So it's better for their game if they get rid of a social threat rather than someone they don't like.

3-3 tie happens between Hunter and someone else. I'm assuming with Kai.

And Hunter loses that tie.

Maybe it was firemaking, idk. I can see Kai beating Hunter at that.

So sorry Hunter. Your strategy was ass and this wheel proves it.

Episode 3 Elimination

Disappointed that Yul is still here.

I want it to land on Green just so we can get rid of Yul, but at the same time there's a chance it lands on Riya instead and I don't want that.

So do I want that gamble?

Well doesn't matter, we have to spin the wheel.

THIS IS FOR A DOUBLE ELIMINATION.

WELL SHIT.

WE ARE GAMBLING.

And we have to roll it TWICE too. SHIT.

PLEASE. TOTAL DRAMA GODS. LAND ON YUL.

WE HAVE TWO TRIES TO GET YUL HERE.

DAMMIT! COME ON! I LOVE TESS!!

Are we losing ALL of the polycule here? Is that what's happening?

GODDAMMIT! I DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE TESS.

And we have to do it again...

God PLEASE. JUST GET RID OF YUL.

Well great. Same as canon. Love that.

GODDAMMIT!!! WHY IS YUL STILL HERE?! WE HAD TWO TRIES THERE!!!

Explanation:

So Yul costs the challenge. Idk why he wouldn't target Kai in this case considering Kai blows up in his face.

I guess he's just far more sexist in this AU, idk.

Or wait, Hunter ISN'T here now to find Tess' meds.

So I'm guessing Yul does it. And he sees it as an opportunity to 'mercy boot' Tess. Because without Hunter, Tess never becomes friends with him or Allyson. So Allyson would believe it and join everyone in mercy voting Tess.

But of course Yul lied, so that wasn't actually what Tess wanted.

And then when the double elimination twist happens, same as canon, Connor quits to save Riya and gives her the perfume.

So Allyson is the longest standing polycule member. And idk what's happening anymore.

Team Swap

Okay, so Episode 4 has someone finding an advantage to make two people swap teams.

Because Riya is still here, I can safely say it's still her that finds it and uses it.

So this next roll is for a team swap.

Let's start with Orange Team.

James? Really?

Who would want James??

But also, AIDEN IS SEPERATED FROM HIM! YES!!!

And for the Green Team...

XD

WELL THAT DOES MAKE SENSE.

It's also same as canon.

So Yul moves to the Orange Team and James moves to the Green Team.

Wait but this also means James and Yul can't team up.

So that's something.

I think Yul might be fucked guys :)

So Riya's sick of Yul and he has control over the team, so she sends him away. Same as canon.

She picks James to join them because... idk. He seemed like a powerful ally, and with her in control of the advantage she can get him on her side before anyone else can get to him.

I suppose that's what it is anyway. Rosa isn't an option here.

Episode 4 Elimination

And of course we have to pick a team to lose still.

Well I guess it went down to if Aiden comes out or not.

In this, he did.

Damn, Orange Team is doing really well in challenges XD

I'm SCARED, cause now I'm just scared of losing Riya.

XD

BYE JAMES!

I guess allyship WASN'T Riya's plan after all XD

Explanation:

Riya finds an advantage to get two people to swap teams.

She gets rid of Yul because he has control of the team. She would be gone if she didn't do that.

So because she understands the message that her team SUCKS, she takes that as an opportunity to bring along James, the biggest strategic threat of the Orange Team.

By doing this, she has the easy excuse to go to Kai and Allyson and get rid of the new guy.

So James is fucked here.

Episode 5 Elimination

I swear to god if Green Team loses AGAIN, I'm screaming.

Last team roll before the merge.

Oh thank god.

WE CAN GET RID OF YUL! WE CAN POISON HIM!!

PLEASE!!!

DAMMIT!!!!!

WHY?!??!?!

NOOOO AIDEN!! THIS WAS YOUR TIME TO SHINE!!!

Explanation:

This is an easy one.

Yul is the outcast of the team and everyone hates him.

So what does he do?

He poisons Aiden.

And because James isn't here to fuck it up, he does it himself...

...and it works.

So yeah, Aiden is tragically going to the hospital. So sad.

Merge

So our merge cast consists of Allyson, Kai, Karol, Lake, Maggy, Oliver, Riya👑, and Yul💩.

There's no merge logo for this season, so you'll have to settle with his lovely star image in the middle.

Episode 7 Elimination

Here we go. We need to spin the wheel to eliminate someone. No hiding behind teams anymore.

NO NOT LAKE!!! WHY?!?!?

I guess it's one episode off, so it's not AS bad. STILL. COME ON.

OVER YUL?

Explanation:

So this comes to alliance numbers.

Obviously Lake is sticking with Maggy. Obviously Kai is going to join them.

So with Oliver and Karol as outcasts, they make a point of Karol being an outcast in canon too, Yul takes the opportunity to get associated with both of them to cast votes against the other alliance.

They choose Lake because she's bald. I guess. And also she's a strong player. Maggy really isn't.

Then all that's left to make that happen is getting Riya and Allyson on their side to vote off Lake and convince them Lake is the bigger threat.

And they succeed.

Damn, it's insane how Yul in an AU is a better villain than in canon.

Still hate him though.

Side note though, because Rosa is technically still here, Lake and Rosa still have their bond, and Rosa is there to help her betray her father. So that plotline is still there.

Comeback

So in Episode 8, we have a character play as a serial killer for the challenge. And they return to the game after killing everyone.

So we get to spin a wheel to see who that comeback character is!

Whoever this lands on is the character that comes back!

XD

YESS!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!!

YESSSSSS!!!

ROSA W!

This is also very funny cause I said she was the Intern in this version XD

Explanation:

As I said, Rosa was Krystal's Intern instead of Oliver.

And because of the dynamic of a teen mom and a victim of neglect, Krystal does not vibe with Rosa. Especially since Rosa is a very moral person who would obviously speak against the sociopathic behavior.

And Krystal fires Rosa.

But Rosa can't leave cause she needs the money from the job. And in that same Episode Lake gets threatened by her father to leave the game. But she doesn't.

Krystal, thanks to Lake, decides to give Rosa another chance. She doesn't want Rosa as an Intern anymore, but she'll have a spot in the game again if she plays the serial killer.

She accepts, but I feel like she wouldn't be killing anyone, even if it was just pretend XD. So she's more so... being a tickle monster I guess XD

I mean, whatever you want to imagine, it works.

So Rosa returns to the game!

Episode 8 Elimination

Because Rosa is a comeback, I'm not putting her on the wheel YET for this.

But we still have to eliminate someone.

...yeah that makes sense.

Explanation:

Yul hates her and bullies her. So she's out. Even if Riya and Allyson don't work with Yul for this, Lake isn't here anymore.

Though because she lasted longer, this means her story with Kai is significantly fleshed out more.

So... in a turn of events, Kai/Maggy is the season's big ship now! Especially since Aiden/James and the polycule are out of the game.

Well, most of the polycule anyway.

That's crazy.

Episode 9 Elimination

Okay, Rosa has returned to the wheel.

This episode is a double elimination. So we have to spin twice.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

COME ON!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

OVER YUL?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?!

LOOK AT HIM! HE'S STILL ROAMING AROUND FREE!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I LOVE RIYA!!!

I mean I get it. "Riya Bad. Riya booted Rosa. Riya left Aiden for dead. Riya stole the idol."

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I LOVE RIYA.

I'M SO MAD YUL OUTLASTED HER!

*Windows 11 Blue Screen Of Death*

WHAT THE FUCK?!

I guess even my computer was a Riya stan XD

I had to fix the wheel cause my desktop crashed XD

I got it.

And we have to do another boot...

...

THIS WHEEL HATES ME!!!!!

For fucks sake. This wheel hates me.

And we just got her back too.

This feels like a personal attack towards me.

I guess my only explanation is that Yul is the main villain, and Riya doesn't turn to the dark side. Because she had no relationship with Rosa to trigger it.

And I guess Rosa got medevaced cause Yul is that asshole.

Like Karol did in canon I guess.

Idk this wheel sucks.

Episode 10 Elimination

Let's get this over with.

Yeah. Sure. Honestly, I forgot she was here.

So Karol has kinda been an outcast this entire game due to her Karen personality. As such, she's been working with Yul.

But let's say she gets a redemption arc and becomes more acquainted with humans as she is with animals, and makes friends.

But we can also say Yul has the Immunity Idol, so he uses it and betrays Karol by voting her because of her threat level.

I mean, Oliver isn't a threat. Kai isn't a threat. Allyson... I guess? But not as much as Karol I think.

Episode 11 Elimination

Final Four!

AND YUL IS STILL FUCKING HERE OH MY GOD-

Don't let Yul win. Don't let Yul win. PLEASE. Just boot him here. It makes perfect sense.

*GROAN*

This wheel hates me. I swear.

I'm not even explaining this one. Mighty disappointed.

Finalists

And so our finalists are Allyson, Oliver, and FUCKING YUL.

I mean Allyson's an okay finalist I can see if you're writing her well.

Very shocked the first boot is here. He has done... NOTHING.

And fuck Yul.

Anyway, nothing needs to be explained as it's a race, so I'm gonna roll the winner and that will be it.

PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! NOT YUL!!!!!

...

We're done.

We're done.

Nope.

No more wheels.

I'm done. I hate my life.

We're done.

I'm done with Disventure Camp.

Goodbye.

[fatherentropy]

I know a lot of you aren't going to read this or care but I needed to get my thoughts about Veilguard out of my head so I can go back to just indulging with it's content without caring anymore so: Veilguard review.

Gonna keep it non-spoilery until it's not then I'll put a big ol warning there for you to swerve outta there if needed.

(warning for 4000+ words) TL;DR:

I think this may become my favorite Dragon Age game to play and I love these characters so much

This is by far one of the worst Bioware games I've ever played

Firstly and to be completely transparent, at the time of writing this I have STILL not been able to get past Lothering in Origins (my computer got worse while i was running a playthrough.). DAII was my first Dragon Age game and is my favorite of the series. Inquisition is pretty good, much better imo after some DLCs were added and it feels more like the full on epic it deserved to be I think. At the end of the day, I am a Mass Effect fan first and a Dragon Age fan sometimes. I'm also not terribly versed in every single development problem Veilguard has gone through except for the unfortunate canning of important developers and some notes from articles I spied.

So, you know, keep that in mind.

I!! wanted to start this by talking about the things I loved in the game. Because I do in fact love this game. It's just that the love gets tangled up in the things that are disappointing because I can see the big picture and see how much better it could have been and it gets wrapped up in one big ball of-not to be overly dramatic-kind of hurt? Thus me needing to talk about it so I can get back to just loving the thing and hopefully not being haunted by my regrets like it's Christmas Eve and I'm a wealthy businessman with questionable practices.

The story is pretty great and fun if you don't think about it too much but Dragon Age fans think about these sort of things a lot and if you put a little scrutiny on some of these things it's gets kinda ???? Funky.

It feels like a lot of the heavy lifting for why anybody is willing to work with you is done by Varric in whatever he was doing the past 10 years which you aren't really told. Except in half a dozen comics and books I frankly don't have the money for and should be bonus material instead of things-you-need-in-order-to-know-what's-up. Kind of spiel.

I also think a major pain point is the neigh absolute lack of contention in most areas of the game outside the bad-vs-good guy shit (and Solas) and the lack of any meaningful choice really did shoot the game in the foot. Now I do understand that choice in particular was a thing that was eventually going to get hit. There were just too many big world wide decisions you've made in the past couple of games and that shit gets kind of hard to keep track of. However, there were choices made in Veilguard that is made for the longevity of the series while also salting the earth and it severely undercut the narrative.

I think one of the things people love and adore about the series is the choices you make. Many of these aren't even about having a hold over the narrative but having a place in it. It's been a minute since I've played it, but I think even DAII has several choices that literally have no baring on anything but netting gains or loses on companions and just choose what kind of menace you're going to be. It's fun! I don't need them to be big. Maybe just if I refuse the reward or push for bigger rewards or yadda yadda yadda. It's the little things! You cannot get rid of these things entirely but boy howdy did they ever try.

I also have gripes about the choices they make you make but I can't bitch about that without spoilers so... LATER.

I wanted to talk about the lack of contention first but realistically it combos in with the choice thing so here we are talking about it after but there is just no political or social nuance in this game at all except for maybe exactly only Solas. After playing the first three games (or playing the last two and reading about Origins like me) you kinda get the impression that Northern Thedas is actually mostly fine except a little inequality and the Venatori and maaaybe the Antaam but mostly everyone's friendly and the South is just REALLY fucking violent about everything for no reason.

With the reputation grind and the narrative's insistence that you hAVE to strengthen your allies and friends this would have been kind of a great time to have quests about winning them more strength by actually kind of doing important shit? Like maybe having to make decisions about whether or not to convince factions to accept help from shady persons or forgo it knowing you'll be weaker but maintaining the faction's ethos. Maybe some negotiations between greater nevarran Mortalitasi politics and why they should let the Mourn Watch concern themselves with shit outside the Necropolis? In fighting between in-faction groups that feel one way or another about choices you've made. It all ends with them helping you in the end, just maybe not as strong or stronger but what we get is kind of some bare bones sidequests that don't always feel connected to the faction you're helping or... important?

Which I don't think I'd have a problem with if there were more of them that gave greater scope to the world but that's also not really a thing. Tbf, there's no reason to have them. You're only grinding to 50 and faction reputation and you probably wouldn't want to do all the sidquests in Inquisition to get there. I just want to have ones that matter, give more shape to the world and aren't hunt-monsters-that-aren't-even-in-this-faction's-jurisdiction. (game that simultaneously made me fall in love with Nevarra while giving me fuck all about it outside Emmrich's quests)

I think it should be noted that this is the first time we are seeing some of these people as not enemies or illusive factions from abroad.

I need you to know this is my third draft of this document and I keep having to leave and come back because I just have a lot of thoughts. So to start off with, I have to reiterate that I am a Mass Effect fan first and a Dragon Age fan sometimes. I can see Mass Effect's influence all over the game and as a Mass Effect fan I have to say: I am... upset. Which is a thing I have been planning to write about since the beginning of trying to write this document but today's dev AMA confirmed that this was supposed to be a "Love letter to Mass Effect 2" and I am no longer upset! I am LIVID.

To recap for those of you who don't care about Mass Effect but are reading this for some reason: Mass Effect 2 has one of the worst main stories in the entire series. Nothing you do actually matters in the long run because ME3 undoes all your work and everything set up for you at the beginning of ME2 you destroy yourself by the end.

Most people regard it as one of the better if not the best game in the series.

This is because the characters are fucking phenomenal and make up 90% of the game so you know this journey is about THEM who gives a shit if your mission is whatever, it's about the satisfaction of winning their loyalty, making sure they're a team so you can focus on being Big Goddamn Heroes at the end (or fucking it up and watching a few or all of them die).

This is the game that made me paranoid about doing all sidequests as soon as I got them because *I* managed to get all my companions to live BUT at the cost of my ship crew dying which I did not know was a thing that could happen and your medic's traumatized lines "I watched them die. they were processed ─ rendered down into some kind of raw genetic paste ─ and pumped through these tubes." haunts me forever. (partly because I listen to the death whispers from ME3 to feel something but nevertheless, the delivery? raw)

This may sound familiar to you if you've played Veilguard because they... tried but there's just a fundamental misunderstanding of how ME2 impacted it's players and how players impacted the world in ME2 that made it feel the way you were supposed to despite the plot being silly.

This brings me back to the lack of conflict which especially fucks over your companions and your relation to them. Yes there's like one kind of weird conflict between Davrin and Lucanis while they're going through shit and yeah Taash and Emmrich have a situation briefly but there's nowhere near the heat there has been in past games. One of your crew in DA2 will straight up tell another one that he is sad her mother died for her not because it's sad but because she's not worth dying for. And that's the game regarded as having the best found family dynamic in DA and probably a better comparison to ME2 in the regard of fighting to keep your crew together.

In ME2, what you do matters and the order you do things matter. Mass Effect has a Paragon/Renegade system which are ways you can change a scene IF you've accrued enough points in being more diplomatic or more points in being a complete asshole. Some of your companions are diametrically opposed to one another and the minute you complete both their loyalty they WILL come into confrontation and if you don't have a sufficient enough paragon or renegade score to get the appropriate response either then or after you WILL lose one of them. If you dedicate yourself to Paragon or Renegade or the other it's easy enough to get the points but if you're trying to get an optimal playthrough, doing solely paragon or renegade isn't always the best way to go.

I'm not saying I want some of your companions to hate each other. I enjoy the friendships they've developed but the moment Rook said something like "We're a family" I cringed because I realized what was happening because they just weren't putting the work in to make that believable to me. People are messy and the stakes in DAV are the biggest they've ever been so our crew should be at their worst and there is material for contention THERE but what we get the Disney Channel version of it where they almost immediately makeup and you're really not apart of it.

One of the confrontations in ME2 pits an Alien girl who's people were forced off their home planet by the own synthetic life they created and have suffered severe biological and cultural degradation because of it and one of said creations who's rebellion for autonomy caused that. The next game, they come back and if you don't (or can't which is an important distinction in it's possibility) use their work as a catalyst for peace but choose one people over the other they both express regret for the loss of the other's people despite the contention between them and stringent desire to save their own people. The kind of orchestration required to pull off peace and this dynamic feels earned and heart wrenching and that is the level of story telling old fans of Bioware expect from it's games.

The 3rd Mass Effect game was largely disliked despite the complexity of choices that intertwined and character dynamics. It was very obvious the ending didn't match up with the narrative spun by the rest of the game and was changed last minute from another which probably would have been liked less but the choice was too big and landed the series in hot water which lead them to try and do a complete divorce from the series with Andromeda which was also largely disliked because it was just a weird jump with a very weak story. I didn't actually mind it. It had no lasting impression on me so I can't tell you exactly what happens in that game but I didn't mind the leap conceptually because I understood they did back themselves into a corner with the last decision made in ME3.

So I sit here looking at Veilguard NOT disgruntled by the prospect of change. Change is usually good and made in order for the greater prosperity of the series. The problems in Veilguard isn't simple change but the lack of care that resulted in a lesser product over all. DA2 suffered in a similar respect with it's over use of previous assets in a repeated and monotonous level design and the fact some fans felt that it didn't successfully break away from feeling like a glorified DLC to Origins. But the storytelling is still done in a way that it lives rent free in many people's minds. It's not an epic, it is a story about some shlub and their crew of messy nobodies who try vainly to protect the city they all live from increasing social pressures of the world which boils over and consumes all of them no matter what you do.

ME2 is about a soldier who is forced to work with a human supremacy agency because they are the only ones that are taking a new threat seriously so without support from the usual greater forces, you seek out specialists and old friends to go on what is quite literally called a suicide mission.

Veilguard is a direct continuance of Inquisition where some random agent is made the herald of a revived religious movement that leaps up around them after an accident only to find out that one of your friends is directly responsible for that and going off to put the world in even greater danger.

Veilguard wants the found family in DA2 to fight a threat even greater than Inquisitions while honoring ME2 (badly) but also there are a bunch of disjointed small focused factions that are helping you and while I think this could have worked and been quite possibly one of the best Bioware games of all time, the ghost of its would be greatness haunts the narrative buried under the bones of development issues and missteps which just makes it hurt in a very not good way.

I don't think old fans who complain about Veilguard are upset it's not the same as what they were expecting but, to go back to my scrooge analogy, we're haunted by ghosts of Bioware past that laid the groundwork for what to expect, and the ghost of Bioware present which is incomplete and the future which can only really get worse under the capitalistic pressures that have long run the video game industry in the ground in the name of greater profits over quality. The only people producing good games at a reasonable price are indie developers who aren't really trying to produce a game with the scope that Bioware games have typically provided.

I'm sitting here and thinking my main take away from this is that I simply don't care about the new Mass Effect game Veilguard is getting abandoned for to produce. If this was supposed to be a love letter to ME2 then it just showed a fundamental inability to create Mass Effect games that would honor it's predecessors while bringing it into the new age and if it somehow manages to be good it's just another slight to Dragon Age fans and the fumbled production of Veilguard. I don't want to see Ryder or Shepard or another N7 specter at this point. I want to see Rook and their crew in a game where I feel okay leaving them in there because DA has a very specific need to abandon it's old protags and I'm not okay with that this time! I don't feel good about where any of them were left and the state of the world!

SPOILER WARNING! I'M NOT HOLDING BACK ANYMORE. GOING ON HERE'S YOU'RE WARNING.

(don't ask me about the image, it was there. it's big, has the vibes. She was iconic for that.)

POV: You are me. Your controller has some slight drift so the little laser beam managed to slip from the target and you're trying to figure out how the fuck you messed up the puzzle because there's no way to get to an island and this is how you accidentally spoil yourself that there's a secret ending and you're about to get a part of it.

Then like the genius I am I googled it again to try and figure out how to get it, skim read something that makes you think they based this off of ME2's model and go oh! Okay. I should look up optimal assignments so nobody dies.

Then I find out Davrin or Harding dies no matter what depending on you choose to lead the distraction team and you just have to stare at a wall for awhile because that is NOT Mass Effect 2 where everyone can absolutely live if you do everything right. That is Mass Effect 1, Virmire come to haunt me again.

I need you to know when I got to Mythal it's almost the earliest you could get to her give or take a side mission because I'm bad at combat and those fuckin' ogres were kicking my ass. So when Rook drops the "We're a family" line while taking to Mythal I had to once again stare at a wall because I already spoiled this for me and I was going "what the fuck are you serious? This is what we're doing?"

I'm telling this to you because I need you to know after I figured all this out I was turning over the plot while going through it looking for one specific thing and that's the narrative that would have supported the kind of storytelling that would have gained the right to kill off one of your companions. (the wording on that was labored but I really needed to say all of that like that because I meant it like that.) It just is not there. Or at least not in a way where it feels like the inclusion of that actually added ANYTHING to the narrative and honestly reading interviews under headlines that say shit like "Devs know that you had no problem leaving stroud in the fade 🤭 and made sure they were gonna hurt you this time" feels like it was literally just thrown in for shock factor rather than a conscious effort to create a compelling story and I'm just not here for that kind of garbage.

Like, I need you to understand I straight up had to save mid mission to kill Ghilan'nain and leave in order to leave and watch the last part of Arcane. I came back and immediately rolled into the fight with her and the bit where you're trapped in the fade and yeah I cried but I was feeling ever so fucking JARRED by the difference of satisfying tragedy I felt at the end of Arcane to that stupid ass bullshit in Veilguard.

And the fact this is a wind up to reveal Varric is dead is just further insulting to all three of these characters. Two returning characters and one new character who, and I hate to be this guy but I haven't seen ppl point this out and as guy who's played a lot of Bioware games, is black. Which, Bioware has historically been REALLY FUCKING WEIRD with it's black companions. (No, I have not forgiven for the shit they pulled on Jacob Taylor and I shan't ever I don't think considering they pulled this.)

I don't mind that they killed Varric. That one I picked up on almost immediately from the hints they were putting down and I was waiting for more hints and shit but the longer it went on I realized the game wasn't even interested in setting up a pretense of giving him and his fans a satisfying ending and goodbye. This man has been here since DAII. There's not enough lingering around his memory because he's competing with whoever else died.

Frankly Rook's connection to him has to be kind of made up by the player because they don't really set up anything for you except you've been traveling with him for almost a year and he's just an amicable guy which also just kind of has to lay on the laurels of having to have known him. I love the cold opening into Minrathus, it's very cool but I feel like THIS would have been the game to go back to it's roots and have a personalized opening to each Rook's origin to establish both a connection to Rook, Rook's place in the world and their connection to Varric and Harding and just had you kind of live with Varric as a leader for a hot goddamn minute making the transition of power feel more natural and not forced. It's weird.

But then the player just doesn't feel like they mattered to the greater story actually. Not as Rook and not as Inquisitor. Not that Rook is a bad character, just weirdly hooked into the plot. Gods forbid your Inquisitor wasn't romantically involved with baldie then they're only role is to tell you every choice you've ever made doesn't matter anymore because Southern Thedas got wiped the fuck out.

I know everyone and their mothers have been kinda leering at Taash's companion quests and like yeah they're not great. Neither is like the Rivain. Like not the map tbc, I love that map and all the maps actually. Down with empty open worlds, long live intentional map design with fun puzzles makes my brain go brrr. Kissing guy who made those on the mouth. At least I think the maps are built around the needs of the script and not the other way around unless problems arise in making the stage (which happens) because that'd be kinda silly. It's just our glimpse of Rivain is around a Grey Warden keep with some chasind stuff and Antaam. All of Rivain is kind of just not about Rivain and it annoys me deeply like where the fuck is the people who aren't Lords of Fortune. I don't even know what the culture is supposed to be inspired by besides like orientalism I guess.

ALSO I need everyone to know I had JUST got done ranting about one reoccurring trope with biracial/bicultured people in another game only to turn around and run directly into Taash's dumbass choice about making them pick between their cultures.

THAT IS NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.

I'm a Filipino German American and I look Asian so I have to fight to be German American because that's what I fucking am no matter what anybody expects from me from my face. Meanwhile my Pinoy roots were stolen from me by a woman who came to the states with the idea that her kids would be American but that just ain't the way the world works when you're not white passing. You cannot run and "choose" the other culture. You will forever be expected to be what you aren't because you look and there's not a lot to do about that brokeness inside you but try and come to terms with it and embrace all that you are anyway.

I also just find using modern day identity labels to be boring and lazy world building for a fantasy world. Even modern day LGBTQIA+ folks can't agree on what to call our shit and we're so very messy about everything and we have been here for so very goddamn long and have had many different names. That's just a bit of a pet peeve, I'll admit.

I think the crowning moment of Taash's quest their mother's moment when she declared Taash's strengths before sacrificing herself for her and Taash's grieving over her passing but I'm also gonna attribute that last bit more to Taash's VA doing good work.

Think the weakest quests for me otherwise were actually Bellara's? Not that it's bad conceptually. Just that it feels like duct taped together oddly where I kind of lost track of the emotions and logic in any given scene. Like over all I got yeah turning people into demons bad but we go from 0 to 100 real goddamn quick and I just felt left behind. Just confusing. Like it's fine, but confusing.

Kal-Sharok should have been it's own faction and I will die on that hill. Dwarves have gotten the short end of the stick for SO long and they finally have a fairly comparable moment in the story and it's just nothin'. BYULLLShit

You know I haven't really cared for Solas. I think I was on copium for a bit during Inquisition because my friends liked him so I was like "yeah I like this guy" but nah, I've kind of considered him a poor man's Ascian after playing Shadowbringers (sorry) but they really leaned into making him kind of a fucked up dude in Veilguard and I do enjoy him a lot more. But also the Rook/Solas dynamic is so much more messier than Lavellan/Solas dynamic. I feel like it was a loss to not have a meaner romance path there if you weren't a Solavellan. Guys who are dragging each other down to hold the other accountable by the throat.

NGL I think I kinda hate endings where it's like "and the bad guys lost and everyone who lived were happy :)" endings like man I wanna know what they're all up to now so I can be sure they're good. That's probably a me thing but it does put me on Copium that they'll drag Rook and co back out to do more with them but I know I'm asking for too much. I am in pain.

I'm descending into less concentrated rambling now I think I just!! Love the game but like I want it to be good and it's not and that hurts me a lot and I'm afraid what corporate will take from this because it's never the lesson they should because everything is all numbers.

EDIT: oml I forgot the line I tied to complaints I'd have later about choices they make you make. Like it was largely about Taash but also like Neve where the Thread guy is like "yeah we're gonna help you for this" like isn't that why we're here? Why am I getting a say in this? Why is this the place I'm suddenly putting my foot down? Why don't I get to ask Neve for her opinion before I just become the most annoying person in the world about this like ayo? WEIRD

Lucanis, Davrin and Bellara at least straight up ask you for your opinion and Harding, Emmrich and Taash obvs need some help even if they don't explicitely ask for it and this one for Neve isn't even the BIG choice it's just a dialogue choice that can lock you out of being able to make the choice which is kind of cool because it's about the only way to shoot yourself in the foot with any of the companions which I'd like if it just didn't just kind of come from nowhere. It's like Rook suddenly remembered they're a person who has opinions in the middle of a conversation and it's just OK. anyway

[mryaksalot]

Important changes to my Backstory AU(OUTDATED)

TW: This post is going to be sorta long, so buckle up.

As you may know, there have been a lack of many new chapters to my story The Road To Success on AO3 these past several months. I've been trying my damn hardest to keep up with updates, but I don't always have the free time in order to write. I have to attend school, work a job, deal with family matters; those things take priority too. I don't have as much free time as I used to back in 2021.

That being said, I still hold a lot of passion for this story. I first got the idea for this story all the way back at the beginning of 2021. It started as just an insightful thought, a drabble I created inside my head. Overtime, I kept expanding on the idea, fleshing out the world, making this story the best it could possibly be. Now we're at the point where the story is over 120,000 words, and it's not even half of the way done yet! I never anticipated for this story to be this long, but here we are.

Now if you are thinking that this post is about me throwing The Road To Success in the can, I just want to clarify that this story IS NOT being cancelled. But the way the story is written and formatted is going to change from what you have seen up to this point.

Just so I am transperent with you guys, here is a list of all of the changes to The Road To Success, as well as the Backstory AU as a whole.

1. The main story, The Road To Success, will be significantly shorter than the original version. The OG version, the version that I have stuck to while initially writing this story, was planned to have 40-50 chapters. That is just not possible anymore, with how busy my life has become. This new version of the story will now have roughly 30-35 chapters. As of writing this, the exact number of chapters has not been decided yet; that will be determined by the end of the year (at the latest).

2. The new version of TRTS (Acronym for The Road To Success) will be more Yakko-centric. I originally wanted to insert a bunch of extra sideplots into the main story, specifically after the Warners become actors. Wakko and Dot were supposed to have their own friend groups, and we would get the chance to see their perspectives as well as Yakko's. However, these sideplots take away from the main story, which is overall more important in the longterm. That dosen't mean Wakko and Dot won't be given any time in the spotlight (they are gonna play some significant roles later on), but I don't want their misadventures to take too much time away from the main storyline.

3. Some of the lore (the details on how the world works in this universe, how certain characters act, family trees etc.) have been and are subject to being changed and altered. I'm very much a perfectionist when it comes to the little details; they're very important imo. Sometimes, I will change my mind about a certain detail and decide to change it on a whim. I will try to restrain these changes to the lore based on what I have already written/talked about publicly, in order to not create too much confusion going foward.

4. The Backstory AU will be expanded beyond The Road To Success. That's right, folks! TRTS is getting a companion story, in order to fill in those lore gaps to answer questions that have yet to be answered. This story will focus on the parents of the Warners, covering their childhood, as well as their inevitable downfall as members of society. More details regarding this companion Peice will be elaborated on in a later post. I'm also cooking up a Christmas story, which will serve as somewhat of a flashback to previous events in TRTS. This story will come out on (you guessed it) Christmas of this year.

5. So you may be wondering to yourself: What's gonna happen to the scrapped segments of TRTS? Well that's where my drabble collection comes in. A month ago, I created a drabble collection titled Splats Of Ink, a collection of oneshots featuring headcanons, future story ideas, and now scrapped segments of already established stories. I'm thinking about fleshing out these Alternate scenes of TRTS, to show you what could have been. Expect the first of these scrapped-segment-reimagined drabbles to come out this April.

So, that's a decent laundry list of all the updates that I have made to the Backstory AU as of late. Chapter 15 is in the works as we speak, and will most likely come out sometime in March. Then it will be smooth sailing into Chapter 16 and so on! There's lots of exciting things in the works, and I can't wait to share it all with you.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read through the whole thing. Feel free to ask questions if you need me to elaborate further on these changes. Your patience and support is most appreciated.

[terraliensvent]

guys i think civ isnt satan (edit: they lied)

EDIT: please see this post, civ played everyone like a fiddle and blatantly lied about having nothing to do with the pet species deletion. keeping this og post up to show how dedicated they were to painting their narrative

so, a few screenshots relating to their bulletin were given to me (you can see my initial thoughts here)

now as with all breaking news there are revisions to be made with new info

(all screens can be found in this imgur gallery, may be out of order because imgur is dummy stupid)

so it turns out, civ and coy actually werent contacted prior to the decision. i do agree this could have been handled differently and there should have been more of a discussion around it, HOWEVER im more inclined to the side of current terra staff. for one, they came to the decision of one adopt every two months for each staff member as compensation for their work on the team. their reasoning for cutting down coy and civ's amounts is to be fair to everyone especially considering coy and civ arent actively working on the species anymore. i dont necessarily agree with the decision to cut customs though, since people have to actively seek them out for that and its more akin to a comm service. i also want to note that i can understand why terra staff wouldnt want to negotiate about the number of adopts with civ and coy, considering that this is how it went last time

you can see in the imgur screens the original terms, notably that civ and coy collectively were allowed to make 12 adopts a month. i can see how it would be seen as unfair to not be able to be compensated as much as the people who left the place to die.

throughout the screens it seems civ is being a lot more reasonable, i think more discussion should have been had with them and after introspecting, it probably wasnt right for them to be banned, however, i dont see why they couldnt just be unbanned. i think that theyre getting lumped in with coy severely here and truthfully that isnt fair to them. i dont know how i would go about the downgrade from 6 to 2, but what i do know is they were being pretty polite about it

coy on the other hand...

throughout the screens they just seem to keep throwing salt into the wound, working through loopholes and being petty just for the sake of it. their behavior i would argue is still deplorable, and their unwillingness to work constructively is probably the reason why they and civ werent included in the discussion. ive gone over coy a million times before, these screens just keep hammering the point home

besides that, there are a couple other things to note:

Tycho's lack of presence

Tycho (furthermore referred to as cal) diverting the discussion to others is something that has happened before, and can be a point of criticism against him, but honestly my personal opinion is that shit happens sometimes. cal has very valid reasons to want to pull away from the discussion, especially with the myo compensation event he seems to be giving his best despite the situation. i am willing to give cal a lot of leeway when it comes to being stressed because we have seen the work that he and his team are putting in. i mean ffs we already have new pet species concepts not even a day after the old ones were removed. hes got a lot on his plate, and coys un-reasonability and demanding things be done NOW would drive anyone crazy even if they werent already dealing with species AND irl responsibilities. you could argue that cal shouldnt be in a place of ownership if he cant take the heat which is a valid criticism, however i think that hes a fine owner, good even, its just that these situations keep popping up one after another and he just cant keep up. these arent things that normal species owners deal with

"disgusting"

so regarding these screens (because i know some civ/coy whiteknights are gonna try and use it to excuse all their actions)

listen, was it the most professional way to respond? no. but also: (assuming it was cal who said these) i would argue this is a totally valid argument. granted, probably not to be directed at civ, but still valid. if i was dealing with the same continued problems from people who arent supposed to even be a part of the project anymore, i would have blown my lid way worse. this comment isnt even that egregious to me, its just that civ and coy have created such an echo chamber that any criticism is seen as sacrilege, and given cal's previously mentioned stressors its completely understandable for him to react harshly when they have to deal with coy drilling up his ass and being petty for no reason

civ's final words

the screens speak for themselves here. i do think there are some things to be criticized relating to civs bulletin (particularly comments painting them as this poor sad puppy dog tossed in the rain) but ultimately they are not as much of a villain in this as coy is. best course of action honestly is to just leave them alone, they were pretty professional in the screens and just seem to want to be done with it

final verdict? coy is an ass. civ kind of isnt. it could have been done differently but i really understand why it wasnt. cal needs a break. new mods are still doing good in my eyes.

and terravent fans eat good tonight

[leopardom]

i've been listening to everybody's waiting and best year of my life on loop since they got released last midnight and oh boy the feeling i get from both songs is quite heavy but also... liberating??

why heavy? well, last year was anything but the best year of my life. it pretty much started with me realising (with some help) that i had fallen in love and, long story short, i got my heart broken very badly. at the same time, my mental health was deteriorating and as a result i started closing up and also lost one of the closest people to me. we're in good terms now, but never talked about what happened and we drifted apart like that. and it's been almost a year ever since

while losing that close connection with my friend proved to be helpful, the road to accepting this along with other things was very painful and i had to mask any negative feeling i had in order to keep functioning somehow and not make the rest of the people close to me uncomfortable. and i also had to focus on my thesis in order to finally get my bachelor's. and i did. but along with the new lows i had reached mentally, i reached and passed the point of burnout

my close ones were supporting me through my rants and i'll always be gratefull for that. but at the same time they still were telling me how good it would be when i'd be done with uni and how i would be able to get a proper job and make my own money and maybe do a master's etc. they all were waiting for something, they were waiting for more than i was already doing. they had been waiting for more than 3 years actually, but last year i was a lot closer to the goal and the pressure grew a lot bigger. and all the support i had was coming from a distance, i was still all by myself most of the time

from April til the beginning of July i was breaking down on a very regular basis, the panic attacks also became more frequent and my mental health was at the very bottom. and i couldn't even go to therapy anymore because i didn't have any time or energy for that. in the span of three months i had changed so much both physically and mentally that it made my head hurt and i couldn't process it

all i wanted was a hug from someone and to be told that i'll be okay. i didn't want everyone to tell me how things will be as soon as i graduate and how free i will feel yada yada. i only wanted a fucking hug, which i never got

after defending my thesis and graduating i blacked out completely. i can't remember myself feeling anything for the next couple of months. i only had a brief break when i went to Helsinki in September, attended all three of the jo finnish gigs and got to spend time with my friends in Finland. and when i got back from that trip i blacked out again. now i have a job and i make some money, but mentally i haven't recovered from the burnout and the high pressure. and people are still expecting things from me, from my students to my family to my friends to myself

lately, however, i kind of have started feeling again. my feelings are not usually nice and i cry a lot, but now there are days when i think that maybe things will get better with time and maybe i'll get there. a few months ago i didn't want to do anything at all and i was acting like a robot. now i want to do things, i'm trying as much as i can to do things that give me a serotonin boost so i won't have to rely only on my meds

to conclude, i still haven't gotten that hug i wanted so bad all these months ago. i'm not gonna lie, i still want it. but these two songs feel like that hug now. everybody's waiting is telling me that i'm not alone in this, there are people like me out there and we manage one way or another. best year of my life is telling me that i may have been and still am a mess, but you never know. maybe something different and even better is yet to come. and i have to be here to see it

[lailau7904]

the job market SUCKS

rant incoming. also first time writing anything big on tumblr and i have no idea how the formatting works so bear with me.

just for context, i'm a minor situated in germany currently working on getting my "abitur" (basically a specific graduation certificate that gives me the right to study at a university). the school course i'm in is forcused on design classes and in order to succesfully complete it, i need to complete an internship in a design departement. this intership is supposed to take place next year in feburary to march (4 weeks) and is as said, mandatory. ALSO my school offers an international program where we can do this internship in other european countries, one of those being ireland. to me it's incredibly important that i gather international work experience as i want to travel a lot later in life and live in an english speaking country (and at the moment it looks like it might end up being ireland, but for that it's still too far into the future).

so i applied on the work placement in ireland, was the first one that was interessted that actually submitted the application in late july. we were supposed to know whether we were in or not by october, but due to some new circumstances it got delayed by a month and a half. you might be able to guess that i have an indication for mine now, and you might also be able to guess what that indication contains, considering i am writing this post.

while i was waiting on the feedback for ireland however, we were supposed to try to secure a second work placement (just incase ireland didn't work out). so i tried. and i tried. and i tried. at this point i am probably at 10 or more negative replies from the places i have sent application to and my patience is wearing off. like i know that none of the replies are personal issues with me, but it's still damn fucking frustrating to get no after no. ireland was pretty much my last hope.

today we finally got feedback for ireland. i don't have a place (yet), we've been told to keep our hopes up, that there's still a chance we'll get a place. my hopes are not up anymore. after so many negative replies and then the thing that was so very important to me seemingly not working out. i'm just at the end of it. they told us that the companies prefer "the older students that already have experience in marketing and advertisement" and it's like, yeah, of course they fucking do. what else do you expect, but how am i supposed to get that experience if i just get rejected everywhere i aks for work? this is a FREE internship, the company doesn't even loose anything if they choose someone with a little less experience. we're still trained in the programs, the internship is supposed to TEACH US this shit.

the market expects everyone to have experience but then refuses to actually GIVE anyone new that experience, and it's gonna be what kills the market. if my one and a half years of experience working with these programs and grabbing myself good grades for being good with them isn't worth anything, then how am i supposed to get the experience required to do an UNPAID INTERNSHIP?

gonna go back to sending out my fucking applications to anyone who will listen now.

(also i know how random this post is, i just really didn't feel like ranting on twitter but i needed this out into the public to survive what feels like me going mad)

[stalkersdiary]

Hiiii Sir! I have committed SO MANY SINFUL ACTS because of you. UwU When I saw your most recent post I screamed. YOURE SO HOT.

Congrats on 100 followers! To celebrate I got some of my favorite clips of your voice from streams, that podcast you were a guest on, and even our little phone call and I was wondering if you wanted to check it out. <3 Love youuuu!

Now for the JUICY questions I really wanted to ask. You mentioned a while ago that you had a partner who was "worse that you were" so I have to like ask now what extreme things have you done before for/because of love? OH AND you mentioned you dont have a lot of friends because your awkward and shy and never leave the house and stuff. WOULD YOU ACCEPT RANDOM DMS? CAUSE I WANNA TALK TO YOU MORE AND I FEEL LIKE OTHERS WOULD TOO!

- JATTA Your loyal fuck toy <3 PS.

Solid Warning for anyone reading. Part of this is going to be honest. A little too honest. Hello again Mocha. I start to get used to you and then you break out the term "Loyal fuck toy" and I have to do a double take. Hahaha. To answer all of this, I'll do so in order. I was never really here for the followers or likes but I am happy to entertain and help people feel understood. As for the audios, I just listened to which ones you posted and I'm trying so hard not to laugh. I sound so gross over the phone. Hahaha I'm glad you put up with me during my streams. ^^ I'm amused that people still think I sound like Corpse or Riot. Nat, I don't get a he sounds so nasal in comparison to me but any comparisons are funny. As for the "Juicy questions" I have a few interesting answers you maybe didn't expect. For legal reasons, this is a fictional blog by a "yandere", but you and I both know the truth. We both know that a yandere isn't real even if the concept is. I've committed serious crimes for many reasons aside from love, like self defense, and a few of my hobbies. Many of which could be worse but are extreme to most people. Aggravated battery, aggravated assault, and even non-aggravated Arson. Felonies are linked to my memories but nothing is linked to my name as I was never caught. It's a bit funny. Oh and let's not forget that some thing's titles are a little "tricky..." I have class 1 and f1 violations, first and second degree, and petty theft all hidden in my past. I don't know the laws well enough to know which one is which anymore. I don't do anything these days as I'm not... where I used to be. However the memories are very strong and I know what I used to be capable of... I can't do what I used to because I'm not the person I used to be and I'm glad I'm not. Don't worry, it was so long ago and so unimportant to everyone related to the incidents that there is no way I'm gonna be in trouble now. ^^ As for the possibility of DMing me, go for it! I still don't really have friends but I would love to talk to someone. Anyone can DM me. I just hope they know what they're getting into as I tend to be very awkward and I overthink a lot. I tend to not talk first because I assume everyone has already gotten tired of me. On a funny note, as I was writing this a friend looked over and asked me if I would put the Whump tag and now I have another thing I need someone to explain to me because I have never heard her laugh this hard. Oh dear. Hahaha Thank you for opening the Stalker's Diary.

[askingexorcists]

So am i gonna have to circle round to anon? Since im blocked on everything else and youre ignoring me on paypal? Thats fucked dude. I wouldnt have had a problem if youd just said to me 'hey man so sorry i actually cant/dont wanna send you stuff' but to block me with no explaination dude?? Cmon! Did you forget youd sold stuff to me? Did you not care?? Did you just want money?? Bullshit.

So I've not been on tumblr for a while now because I've been so stressed out with this... most of you probably know that I sold some blue exorcist merch a little while back...I maybe sent out like 15 parcels round about?

A particular person I sold too claimed they didn't arrive, I had provided proof of shipping, screenshots/tracking number and whatever else. I have no idea if the items actually arrived to this person and she's lying about it, however I don't want to belive that, and I've had issues with royal mail (who I shipper with) in the past so it's possible her package was just lost or something of the sort.

However since it didn't arrive I tried to resolve this with this person, but like I said I had all the proof of postage. I asked if they'd sort if with their bank/PayPal or royal mail. Once it's shipped there isn't really anything I can do about it.

I cannot afford to refund for a package that I have the proof I shipped, especially since I do not know for sure if this person received the money or not. We've both opened a case with PayPal to try resolve this, and since I had the proof of postage there wasn't a lot to go on.

I never wanted to sell any of my merch, it was honestly a very sad sale for me, but I've got my own child now, and life gets very expensive and I just wanted to earn some extra cash for him

Despite this I could NEVER scam anyone or anything of the sort. Every other single person I sent parcels too told me their stuff arrived and were very happy with it. I included little free gifts and notes in every order. I really, honestly tried. I chased up the order with my local post office. I spoke to the post company online. I've spoken to PayPal. I've tried everything for a peaceful ending to this, but ultimately I have to let this person sort this out either their bank or PayPal or something.

It's been really stressing me out and I've been so anxious over the whole thing for a good while now, I've blocked this person and I hope they get their money back/get the parcel or such, and I wish them the best.

I've been in the blue exorcist fandom for almost 9 years now and I've made so many great friends through this app and this fandom, and talked to so many great people. It was such a big part of my life and my childhood. Even though I don't update the blog anymore hardly...I still read the aoex manga monthly, I'm always lurking on posts reading everyone's content, always reading everyone's theory's. I've stayed of my blog a while now as I've been so anxious of all this but now honestly I just want it past me as I know I've tried all I can to resolve this.

Also wanna say thank you to everyone who's bought from me / supported this blog ♡