#i HAVE developed the inability to live with people and idk when it happened

[urbanfiltered]

AAAAAA

[universalfanfic]

okay, i read Twilight for the first time as a grown woman and it was basically what everyone said it was, but i'm more upset because it could have been decent with some changes, so of course that's what i've been thinking about the last couple days

so, to get it out of my head, here's what i would do to rewrite Twilight:

Bella goes to Forks for her mom same as in the book

She's not absurdly clumsy as much as she is impulsive. Like, she gets the idea to jump down several steps so she does it, she wants to hit the volleyball so she goes for it without looking around first etc.

Forks is a bit more spooky when she arrives. There's *something* going on and the locals are wary of new people and oddly superstitious

There's an actual subplot of her and Charlie reconnecting

Forks, beyond the growing mystery, is small and boring so Bella tasks herself with figuring out just why everyone is so weird

The Cullens are odd and more unsettling even if people can't say why. They're hot from a distance but the closer you get the more your fight or flight instincts start kicking in

Bella is stubborn and her favor isn't easily rewon, so Edward's stunt in biology and his attempt to smooth things over later doesn't go over as easily

She doesn't get sucked in by his vampire "charms" and his inability to read her mind means he often says the wrong thing, only making her dislike him more

Bella actually makes friends and the kids tell her about why their parents are acting freaked out

Jacob doesn't offer the answers to her on a silver platter bc he respects his tribe's practices enough not to tell her any stories

Bella starts a conspiracy board

More weird stuff happens, hunters find drained animal carcasses in the woods nearby. A couple people (perhaps even high schoolers) go missing and a town curfew is instated by Charlie

This causes some interesting tension in Bella and his developing relationship and it's the first time she's actually being parented

Bella breaks curfew to go check out the woods

She runs into James who has been Causing Problems On Purpose bc the Cullens haven't been able to stop him yet and he's having a good time with it

Bella only survives the encounter bc Edward was hunting James and saves her, but he has to get her to safety so James gets away

Bella has watched a couple CW shows so now she Knows What's Going On and Edward saving her life makes her fogive him a little

She wants to help take James down bc he's evil, she's part of the reason he got away, he wants to kill her specifically now, and bc this is Charlie's silly little town and she cares about him

The Cullens say 'no thanks' to the help but Bella is stubborn and impulsive

She and Edward bond and have fun back-and-forth banter as she forcibly inserts herself into their lives

Charlie goes on a call about another animal/missing person and doesn't come back home. Bella loses it

There's a very obvious trail to follow where Charlie went missing and it's also very obviously a trap

There is arguing over whether they should follow it or not ("It's a trap, Bella." "Yes, but he KNOWS we know it's a trap!")

Bella is stubborn and impulsive

She devours some garlic heavy food and breaks one of the wooden dining chair legs off (bc come on, the vamps have to have SOME weakness, give the humans a chance) and she heads out to save Charlie

Her impulsiveness also makes it harder for Alice to see her future, so the Cullens only get a last second heads up

Obviously James is Good At This so he's not really surprised and toys with her

Due to Bella's lack of thought when she reacts to things she actually gets a hit in on him, but she's still just a human teen so things aren't going great

James goes to bite Charlie as a power move but Bella dives between them at the last second and gets the bite instead

The Cullens show up and fight/rip him to shreds/Edwad can save Bella like in the book, idk this is where I'm running out of steam

She may not 100% want to definitely be a vampire yet but now the idea is planted bc she could Fight Better that way and also bc she's liking Edward more by now - I won't completely strip away the romance (also she has a cool scar from the bite now)

Also, things I just remembered to better incorporate in the story:

The "twist" that James is the reason Alice is a vampire

Ominous set up for the reaveal of a higher Vampire council/society (perhaps hinted at in Bella's conspiracy research)

[fantasy2739]

Could you do a fic where Claire and Douxie talk about immortality?

Talking about the angst of immortality? Sign me up! Idk if this is what you wanted, if you want a struggle of Claire being immortal I’m also happy to write that!

Hope you enjoy!

Douxie softly strummed his guitar, watching Nari drift off to gentle strings. He heard, rather than saw, Claire approach. Her footsteps heavy, full of purpose.

“Hey Teach, can we talk?” She asked nervously. Douxie smiled and nodded. He carefully put his guitar down and placed a blanket over Nari. Archie kindly curled up next to her.

“Let’s go outside.” He suggested. They walked into the Lake garden. Douxie sat patiently on a rock while Claire paced. He eyed the sky; dark and glittering. Claire seemed indecisive about what she should talk about. Unusual for her. Douxie leaned back, relaxing further into his temporary chair as he waited.

“Am I…?” Claire paused and collected her thoughts. “Am I going to be immortal?” Douxie had been waiting for this. Sure they’d met plenty of beings that lived centuries, but they were a different species. Trolls, Akiridions. He’d seen the looks Claire would shoot him when they practiced together. The way she frowned when he casually mentioned something from hundreds of years ago.

“It depends.” Douxie replied honestly. “See magic is complicated when it comes to that stuff.”

“Complicated?” Claire asked. “Isn’t it just yes or no?”

“You aren’t a born mage are you?” Douxie checked. Claire pondered. “I mean you weren’t born with magic, it developed after a while?”

“Sort of.” Claire admitted. “I felt connected with the shadow staff before I found it.” Douxie considered it.

“You may have some innate magic, but the main trigger for your powers was the staff and Morgana right?” Claire nodded. “Then it depends.”

“Teach that doesn’t help.” Claire said as she dropped to the ground. She pulled her legs close. “ I don’t want to be alone.” Douxie leaned over and reached out a comforting hand.

“Even if you were immortal, I wouldn’t just leave you.” He said with a smile. Claire gave him a small smile. He cleared his throat. “I’ll explain as best I can. Inherently magical beings live longer. Like Archie or Trolls. People who become magical have longer lives can choose.”

“I can… choose?!” Claire was surprised.

“You can always choose.” Douxie assured her. “You remember how I told you magic is emotion?” He waited for Claire to nod before continuing. “Magic is what keeps us alive, so if you don’t want to be. You won’t be.”

“So if I want to age normally?”

“You will.”

“And if I want to stop?”

“You cast a spell and you slow it.”

“And it’s reversible?”

“I’ll write down both spells for you.” Douxie said. “We’re not immortal anyway.”

“But you, Merlin, Morgana. You’re all so old.” Claire said. “I can’t imagine living 900 years.” Douxie looked away. “Sorry I didn’t mean to bring them up.” Douxie rolled his shoulders.

“Claire, you choose what you want to do. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” He said firmly. “If you don’t want to live 900 years then don’t.” Claire nodded sharply.

“Got it Teach.” She said. “What do you mean you’re not immortal? I know that… that if you’re injured enough you… won’t make it.” Douxie smiled sadly at her.

“We age. Slowly. You saw Merlin.” Douxie inhaled sharply. He paused, collected himself and powered on. “He stayed alive to fight the Arcane Order but he still aged.”

“You haven’t.” Claire pointed out.

“Pretty sure I was an absolute moppet 900 years ago.” Douxie chuckled.

“You didn’t look that different. Or sound that different.” Claire said, eyebrow raised. “Man buns aside.” Douxie tried not to think about the little bun that haunted him.

“That’s because I’m young at heart.” He said, flicking the rock sign at her.

“So your magic reflects that?” Claire asked. Douxie nodded, smile not quite meeting his eyes. Claire didn’t seem to notice, leaping to her feet. “Thanks Teach, I’m glad I have you.” Douxie patted her shoulder as she went inside. His gaze turned skyward. Dark and glittering as it had been all those centuries ago. He’d just buried Merlin, and knew that if he wanted to do everything else he needed to last longer. He performed the spell as left in Merlin’s detailed instructions. His notes hadn’t mentioned a swirling mist of blue magic. And hearing words that were never spoken.

‘So you wish to live longer, little wizard? Be wary of the price.’

He hadn’t really understood at the time. Every other wizard he knew had done it with no problem. No mist. No voice. Not until later, much much later, did he find out. He’d made a slight mistake in the incantation. A combination of nervousness, grief and inability to decipher minuscule writing. And he’d cast another spell. He didn’t know exactly what, except that his body had frozen. He remembered opening his eyes to the glittering sky and felt something click in place. Like it was always meant to happen. He had wondered many times what the price was. Even briefly after Merlin’s death he wondered if that was the cost of never ageing. Never dying.

He would not let Claire make the same mistakes he did.

[wolfsneedles]

im sorry but otis and maeve exacerbate the goodness and badness both in each other and this makes them special and more connected with their glimpses, gestures and inability to stay away for longer. unless ur telling me there are other superior ships too but the ending of s3 ep7 was so so special. Otis and Maeve's ending lines in the rain scene is pretty PRETTY indicative of who at least should be with whom, when its always been them in each others mind. Now idk what would writers do or make of it in s4 and cliffhanger like ending, but all love interests added were poorly added and gave us false hope for both characs to be with someone else like isaac/ruby thing, however the entire thing as eric says too, "happened bcs of otis and maeve coming together with special diff traits and bonds to form the best clinic that offers pretty feasible and amateur like opinions which in turn polished otis' skills of helping people more and also for maeve who was already pretty smart and bright ahead of her times, in her speech and tastes" and this was entire reason and beginning of the best season which led to clinical education, awareness for teenagers while otis and maeve also navigate through each others lives and troubles and love and ways of communicating since both have a different way of communicating and both adhere to each other and also give each other space more, (or maybe bcs i do prefer that ship more than others, im just so hyped at every scene and moment). However the best moment for me wasn't the bus scene kiss moment in france but when otis and maeve were both kicked out of sexed class for open and different opinions against or anti to whatever prude and harsh concepts Hope was instilling in people, a lot of ppl and characters owned up to their sexuality and rebelled but Otis and Maeve rejecting the idea and challenging and arguing but then also being kicked out of class is very special moment and a parallel between them that so many perhaps don't notice, It also tells how differently in choices, they are so connected in thoughts, Maeve never shrugged off otis and he doesn't bother her only and until they both knew they couldn't really stay away and he made an effort even after f_cking up to stay in his life, and apologized and competed rather foolishly with isaac but all this bottled down again to ruby and isaac just used for story development and then removed from scenes but in a way i think, it is best for them since otis and maeve are both confused about each other & overall relationships, i think they both would take things v slowly and they are that kind of patient couple if they are a couple.....which i cant see hope of. It all actually just started from them too, which led to graffitis and sexual topics to be embraced and accepted more, bcs idk if someone also noticed how otis has so much of jean in him, and even if he is embarrassed by his mother sometimes, the genes just reflect in him. He is good at articulating and smooth and i think maeve picks it up quickly, they don't even guess when they are together, and they both have innate desire to help ppl esp maeve under that hard rock shell of an exterior, she is the most selfless and forgiving person, maybe too much, and lets go of a lot of stuff, always looks forward to future and is quite pragmatic even but in sense of otis, they both are always inexplicably drawn and held together to each other by some bitter false or sweet ripe memory of their previous days and its so funny or adorable to see them actually cling foolishly to their past encounter messages, moments, talks, and dreams/jokes of having a clinic. We see eric as bestfriend of Otis rooting for them too, and so does Aimee (which is weak evidence or parallel since writers are putting hints like this always but it is always jeopardized somehow in the end too so im not hoping or keeping too high hopes on anything).

The rain moment in s3ep7 is the most heart-warming because maeve now doesn't push otis back and neither does she falls back on isaac somehow, and she welcomes his opinion again, only this time they actually confess in pretty open words & expressions which is more meaningful and rigorous and sparkling than the RainmomentInFrance which i think was, meaningless or maybe just a way to bring them close together.

You cannot tell me this is excellent dialogue exchange and yet so simple with breath your name by Sixpence playing in the BG,

Otis: "It was never about the clinic, it was to be close to you – and even if we aren't romantically together, id like to see you everyday, Nothing feels right when you aren't here"

This is more about companionship and soulmate-ism too than just a sexual relationship or deep crush situation. Even if they aren't together romantically, and still wanting to be close to her is big big thing & detail for at least something good and warm for them in future, because he hasn't confessed this to anyone or ruby even which was initially a casual relationship even. This explains pretty well that even if they aren't together or intended to be together, - the staying close + together or near each other is enough to make day.

Maeve: "It wasn't about the money for me, it was also to be close to you too

Maeve doesn't say much but a) smiles when he says we can be team and due to nearness to her he wanted to work on further and b).she exclaims and rebuts his claim that she was in it for money only when she has never been lucky in family/financial dept and wanted to be close to her too, but also how this was method for her to earn money too so like double benefit because maeve does need money and we cannot reduce her to romantic person only but the hardworking intelligent and practical persona she carries and embodies! and wants to rise academically and also does it selflessly, doesn't obstruct or infringe on someone's rights like most people do. But she also does admit at the same time it wasnt just for the money. With the background music score this moment might be the best cliché end or romantic confession even if in future it doesn't mean much because words...are winds and fade away, but i cannot deny the canon visible goodness these both characters bring out in one another, its like they do compliment and fit each other which i always find quite evident from s1 until s2 made their friendship too sour but its about what they bring in each other and only think abt themselves in each others presence. When they are with someone else they think about other things clouding their mind yet sometimes when they talk to each other, its like they both do comfort each other or it wouldn't have pained the writers to show how visibly hateful they are if they were. Perhaps the abortion moment in s1 was also very warm and changed my mind so much abt them, its like how otis is always there in worse situations for maeve along with aimee too ofc, and sometimes its childish to see him try so hard and desperate to be there but she eventually lets him in.

[fineillsignup]

Hello! can i ask ur opinion on konoha HIGHLY SUGGESTING HAVING MULTIPLE PARTNERS to tackle their high death rate? I have this weird headcannon where, if kishimoto wasnt shy abt sex, the konoha 11 would have been taught/encouraged/endoctrinated to be sexually active... which would give the story a darker tone and perhaps add more (?) chemistry between the characters?? idk wht r ur thoughts? (^^ゞ

Do you mean to encourage a higher birth rate to counteract the higher death rate? I totally agree with the fact that, as depicted in the series, the death rate/birth rate is more disproportionate than real world inverted pyramids like Singapore, as evidenced in my dryly named tag “ninja world demographic winter”.

Here are the things in the real world which raise birth rates:

It is at least as affordable and socially beneficial to have (another) child versus not have (another) child

The culture expecting/supporting/approving large(r) families and marrying young

Inability to easily access various birth control methods from condoms to pills to abortions

I put the birth control thing third because I think the first two things matter more. There are countries in the world with easy access to birth control and much higher rates than other countries with more difficult access and lower rates (example: Israel vs Brazil). And to a large extent, access to the latter depends on the cultural attitudes in point one and two. Societies where it is easy to access birth control but people have larger families anyway do so largely because of point one and two. So I rank those two higher.

So across the modern developed world it is points one and two that are the major driving factors behind falling birth rates.

Konoha culture, as depicted, ought to be very pronatal from point one and two; “the kings of the Leaf are the unborn children” is so pronatal it’s almost like a Handmaid’s Tale parody. Yet Kishimoto either is unable himself to imagine something so unlike modern Japan in terms of family structure, or he thinks his target audience (modern Japanese teenage boys) won’t be able to enter into it. So the TFR is like Japans’ modern sub-replacement fertility rate of ~1.6 (in the 80s and 90s when the readers of the original run of the comic were being born).

Would increased sexual activity raise the birth rate per se? I would say not, as long as points one and two don’t change.

It’s worth pointing out that societies of impermanent sexual partners with raising children tend to be matrilocal (children don’t leave their mothers, often even in adulthood) and matrilineal (descent is reckoned by the mother), such as the Mosuo, Note that I do not say matriarchal as, while these societies often have more female equality, they aren’t necessarily “female dominated” in the way that we see patriarchal as “male dominated”. Instead, the important men in a woman’s household will be her brothers by the same mother or her mother’s brothers etc; they will live together and work together. And these men usually have quite a lot of say in how things happen.

Children require a lot of work and resources and to have kids women expect, deserve, and need help of many kinds; the Mosuo work as a culture where the babydaddy doesn’t do much because the mother’s brothers and matrilineal family do that support instead.

But the bottom line is that the culture in Konoha and across the ninja world is weirdly apathetic about anyone having kids, including people with bloodline based superpowers, where, IDK, it seems like making more bloodline based superpower children would be an interest of the military government. I don’t think adding or subtracting sex per se is the issue here.

Unless you’re suggesting some kind of Sparta scenario where people are encouraged to have sexual relationships with their teams so as to be less likely to get their teammates hurt, and lower the death rate that way? Cracky, but potentially solid smutty fanfic AU idea there! I don’t know if it would work, mind you, because the whole point of military anti-fraternization policies is that they also cause lots of drama, stress, jealousy, manipulation, etc; but if it’s a fanfic, go nuts with it.

[creacherkeeper]

Welcome to the tOH fandom!! What do you think of ADHD! Luz (and maybe Eda too!) and autistic!Amity (and maybe Lilith as well)?

thank you!! okay listen this show is so so good for ND headcanons WEIRDOS GOTTA STICK TOGETHER and im like *cries* yea 

adhd luz is great. i love it. she’s eager and never runs out of energy, strong emotions & very expressive, can definitely act immature for her age (i saw something saying she’s 14 but idk if thats canon?), has a hyperfixation on learning magic & her azura books. her inability to choose a magic track i would argue could be read as indecisiveness or decision paralysis. and sometimes her own feelings cause her to miss cues from others (like with eda, amity, & king at the carnival). even the way she has to learn magic works as a metaphor - the way other people learn doesnt work for her so she has to adapt and have accommodations (something to draw on). we also see a few instances that suggest she’s not good at reading how trustworthy people are 

im totally down for adhd eda but i think i like autistic eda better. she has unusual style (the ripped dress, big earrings, gold tooth - not to mention the times she puts on ‘human fashion’). her speaking voice is unusual too, but is often at a flat effect (absolutely not a dig at the actress i’ve had a crush on her since i was like 9). special interest in owls & weird human objects. learns differently & thinks outside the box, but is still extremely gifted as a witch, she just has to do things her own way. uneven motor skills - very powerful witch & good at sports but also like, just fumbles her staff all the time. seems to get along better with demons (king, hooty, and i’ll count owlbert here too) over other humanoids. did NOT fit in at school. has trouble connecting to and empathizing with people, often says rude things whether she means to or not. tends to show affection through gestures (training, making the cloak) over words or physical affection. does NOT understand why she should have to follow the rules (school, witchcraft, society at large) because they seem arbitrary to her 

also - not an nd headcanon and FAR from a perfect metaphor - but my chronically ill ass was just sitting there like 8O SHE HAS TO TAKE HER MEDS OR SHE’LL GO INTO A FLARE and i was just pretty excited about that 

jury is still out on lilith for me. i can see autistic lilith though. she’s got flat effect, dulled emotional expression, gifted in her craft, trouble seeing eda’s pov, seems to be low empathy, and from what we see may be fairly gullible. i need to see more screen time from her before i make it an Official Headcanon though. 100% up to hearing other peoples arguments about this 

amity is a little harder for me but here’s my headcanon (cw child abuse) 

she very well could be autistic. i didnt get a strong Vibe from her one way or the other. but her behavior, to me at least, seems to line up a lot more strongly with childhood trauma. specifically parental abuse. granted we haven’t seen much of her parents yet, but that’s the vibe i got and i’ll explain why 

amity is extremely driven and perfectionistic, but it does not seem like she’s self-motivated. it seems like she’s trying to live up to her parents high and strict expectations of her. she wants to be friends with willow, and then later luz, but she can only keep the friends her parents deem are worthy - theyre controlling of her social interactions far more than is normal. she has very low tolerance for her own mistakes, and gets extremely upset when she’s embarrassed or gets into trouble. to me that’s a thing a kid learns at home - mistakes are a big deal (and could be punished in some manner). she’s very awkward at trying to make real friends, which makes me think she doesnt have good role models & her emotional development was not prioritized. in the beginning we see her bully people and gee wonder where she learned that. when she’s training, it’s not her parents or even lilith who are training her - its her older siblings who she doesnt get along with and dont even seem to be on the same track as her? so even though expectations for her as a witch are extremely high, the actual adults are neglecting to help her 

when both lilith and eda cheat at the covention duel - amity doesn’t get upset at lilith. she gets upset at luz who is not an adult and is an easy target. lilith and eda are really the ones that embarrassed her, but she doesn’t feel she can get angry at either of them and takes out her emotions lower in the pecking order. we also see that she quit grudgby forever because she accidentally hurt her teammates - which makes me think her anxiety & guilt in general is pretty high. when she does decide luz is cool, she gets Very Attached Very Fast which can definitely be a trauma thing - here is a Safe Person i am now incredibly invested in. when they go into willow’s memories, she’ll do anything to keep luz from seeing how she hurt willow, probably because she’s afraid luz will be disappointed in her (and what? abandon her for not being perfect?) and even her parents in the memory are just shadowy figures and not real people. her biggest fear (which, yes cute gay stuff was happening) is being rejected, which makes me think besides the grom there is an actual threat of that in her life

so ALL IN ALL yes some of these things overlap with autism & i definitely wouldnt argue against an autism headcanon, but to me this just is so strongly childhood trauma stuff that i personally wouldnt hc autism until i know more 

also LITERALLY ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE ND thank you for coming to my ted talk good day 

[archer3-13]

people are upset, and people are upset people are upset, and i get it thats just how the media climate is these days, but from what im getting/hearing second hand the bigger problem with masters of the universe revelations is that it hit on a really good idea and then doesn't use it as much as it should. and im not even talking about he-man/adam dying cause really, thats a done to death concept that usually has a lot of fertile ground to explore but no one seriously takes. I'm more so referring to how centering a story on liara having to struggle with reconciling adam and he-man as the same person would have been good ground to develop an interesting story, it's just a shame the show doesnt actually do that from what i've heard.

like, hear me out: adam and skeletor die as does man at arms/duncan cause hes not going to be doing anything anyways so might as well have him exit stage left, as a means of kicking off the story. liara, understandably upset that not only her best friend/possible love interest is dead but also her father [figure? idk im not familiar with he-man] is dead as well and the secret of adam being he-man let slip just before adam died and theres no one around/left to explain wtf just happened, gets upset and caught up in an emotional roller coaster gets into an altercation with the king and queen and when they cant provide any answers her mood gets worse and she begins to slip into a paranoia in the heat of the moment. point being, she leaves, its framed as a bad thing, and we smash cut to her being a miserable paranoid mercenary smashing faces for fast cash and living day by day pushing everyone out of her life cause its easier then dealing with the cluster fuck of feelings about the entire incident.

liara, now at her lowest point then gets the call to adventure that magic is dying in eternia and thats a bad thing cause that means everythings gonna get fucked/the world will end. pushed into the adventure by necessity of not wanting the world to blow up, liara reluctantly tags along with her token lesbian sidekick who takes the roll of the plucky optimistic youth to counter and question liaras new found cynicism and angst and they go on an adventure to unfuck the world. over its course liaras new friend helps liara rationalize and sort out her feelings over her life effectively falling apart, which coincides with liara gradually beginning to regain positivity in her life and hope culminating in liara and adam meeting again in he-man valhalla.

here they get to sit down and talk about adams perspective on the issue, about how adam almost resented the he-man powers and persona to an extent because it symbolized to him his own weakness and inability to protect eternia and his friends without it, how he carried on the role because he felt it was more important to protect eternia and his friends then wallow in his own misery, and importantly he reconciles with liara over keeping he-man a secret saying that well he justified it as keeping his friends and family safe it hurt liara regardless by implying he didn't trust her enough to tell her. liara accepts the apology happy to have gotten to settle things with adam, apologizes herself for having 'lost her way' for a while and resolves to save eternia not just for her own ends but for everyones sake. then ya have things play out much the same as before, adam returns to eternia to fix the sword despite having to give up his place in he-man Valhalla to do so, almost succeeds but then gets stabbed by skeletor making a power play and the... season[?] ends with a cliffhanger.

bim bam boom.

[pesewla]

aight since this is a loaded question i’ll try to organize my thoughts haha... 

will they interact more?

YES, ABSOLUTELY. i have reasons too. several. buckle up

1. we still don’t know why tyki looks like nea.

ofc, this is more of a joyd/nea interaction than a tyki/allen interaction, but i also think learning the answer to this will be crucial for both tyki and allen understanding their noahs, their past, and each other better…

2. tyki and allen are highly paralleled characters.

heck, they first meet each other while both cheating at cards for basically the same reason - for their friends (allen to get krory’s clothing back, and tyki for the fun of it but also because his human friends need money to survive).

their main motive is emotion, not logic. tyki’s noah is driven by the need for pleasure, which he finds through killing and destroying, and tyki’s human side is driven by his love for eze and his human friends. and essentially all of allen’s actions are driven by his residual love and respect for mana. he restores his innocence purely to resume killing and freeing akuma, which he feels so much pity and sadness for because of his experience with mana. allen goes to the black order only because cross (who had ties to mana) ordered him to, not out of his own free will.

both of them recently experienced events that upheaved their allegiances and bonds. for allen, he was betrayed and basically left for dead by the order. for tyki, he’s just beginning to understand how little he knows about the noah’s past and goals; after meeting nea, he expressed a fervent desire to learn more about him, even if that’ll shift his whole world paradigm.

they both struggle with their light and dark sides. the only difference is that tyki finds joy in having both; allen is kind of in denial of his noah still, but he also expressed a desire to learn more about nea after the third exorcist incident.

so all of these parallels lead me to believe that, like other aspects of their character, learning the “truth” should come at the same time for them.

3. literally whenever tyki and allen interact in canon it sets off an unstoppable chain reaction of character development…

for tyki, his inability to get rid of allen led to tyki hardening his (questionable) ideals and putting more deep thought into his actions beyond just killing “for the fun of it”. tyki never thought about innocence at all before allen, which road points out in the ark. dealing with allen seriously forced tyki to consider why he was doing what he was doing, not just how it felt in the moment. even if he doesn’t change his ideals, putting more thought into his actions is kind of the first step towards autonomy & not just blindly listening to joyd.

for allen, tyki is actually pushing him towards a balance between light and dark. this was first hinted at when allen and tyki’s fight in the ark led allen to procuring the white sword from his arm. the white sword resembles nea’s sword, which he used to massacre the noah, but the difference is that allen doesn’t want to kill tyki. crown clown balances between the desires of nea (absolute massacre) and allen (who simply wants to go back to playing cards and peacetime). later on, tyki is the one who encourages allen to figure out just “what” he is, rather than trying to decide between his noah and innocence all at once. seriously, it’s so obvious that tyki is trying to help allen…

4. tyki has expressed in multiple ways that he’s looking forward to seeing how allen deals with his noah.

i doubt he’ll give up on that.

5. no other characters share the same experience as the two of them.

neither of them really understand their noahs, and they usually do so in tandem.

i mean tyki has been present in all stages of allen’s transition into a noah - first in the ark where he becomes the Musician, then in the alma arc where nea awakens, and then when he’s forced to leave the order…etc. so i think it’s likely he’ll continue to play a large part in how the chips fall there

the reason why there are several fics about allen being raised as a noah is because it is plausible. both allen and tyki are people that struggle against their nature and fate, and literally one of the only things separating them is how they were raised. so, they’ll continue to propel each other through their plot and character developments…

what will eventually happen between the two of them?

okay i’m not going to be overly optimistic here.

allen, for the most part, still sees tyki as an enemy or a threat. allen wants to spare tyki and for tyki to live, but that’s only because allen has witnessed his humanity - in other words, he thinks tyki’s noah is bad and tyki’s human side is good.

i think the main part of their development from here will hinge on allen changing the way he sees noah in general, not just tyki. it’s overwhelmingly clear that allen’s perception, and by extension the audience’s perception, of noah is skewed. we don’t have the full information on them, but i imagine they have motives outside of the “destruction and chaos” one-track mindset that was pinned on them in the beginning. most likely relating to the pillar.

it’s very likely that allen and tyki will, more or less simultaneously, learn the truth about nea and the “third side” of the war. allen will be forced to do so since he’s nea’s host, but tyki will most likely seek out the information, as he declared that he would. in this, both allen and tyki will be pushed more toward a “grey” area - coming from allen’s initial white “goodness” and tyki’s initial black “badness”. i have hope that allen and tyki will learn about these facts together. that would be pretty fitting.

as allen learns more about the third side of the war, he’ll be more accepting of tyki and see him more as an equal or, at the very least, another victim of the holy war.

tyki already basically considers allen a comrade or is willing to - even though he was ordered by the earl to protect allen, i don’t think he was faking the shouts of concern as allen took on apo lol. but as TYKI learns more about the third side of the war, he’ll likely stop pressing allen to give up innocence and decide “what” he is. i imagine he’ll sympathize even more with allen, even if joyd still hates him for being nea’s host…

what are your hopes for them?

okay now here’s my chance to be optimistic.

i really really want tyki and allen to have a conversation as equals. their interactions frustrate me so much - tyki has so much respect and admiration for allen but he’s always so coy! and allen, like i said previously, was only able to cooperate with tyki when he was emotionally panicked. otherwise, his “I’M AN EXORCIST” button flicks on and he’s forced to act tsundere.

please, please hoshino let them play another game of poker, just laughing and having fun. i want to see tyki humbled. i’ve been thinking this ever since their dialogue when fighting in the ark.

i want tyki to get mad at nea for possessing allen. i KNOW he’s thinking it. i want that “give the boy back” moment so badly.

i hope that someday they can talk about tyki destroying allen’s innocence. i don’t really think allen’s hurt about it anymore, especially since it was a key factor in his growth as an exorcist, but i wish there was like… some stage of forgiveness or repentance. not that tyki is capable of that, but hey.

other people have definitely said this - idk where the post is but i love that one - but having a meal together like tyki wanted??? that would be so symbolic and AH\

anyways i know this was pretty lengthy but i just think tyki and allen are excellent characters and their similarities and differences speak volumes in terms of the overall good&bad message of dgm. always too long winded. with loves

[comradelionheart]

This is where I feel safest.

In the blueness of this site, held in comfort as if under my blanket of soft fur.

No one here will ever know who I am or the people I speak of. No one can find me here. I have a questionable habit of running off to avoid being witnessed when I fail or am in pain, and this is where I run to. It is luckily not a boy this time. Well, it’s sort of that too, but not predominantly.

I haven’t shut G out this time. When I thought I’d lost my shot at the job I deleted my WhatsApp and all other social media, and refused to surface until I was willing to face people again. This isn’t unlike when I graduated college uncertain of what to do with life next and just... vanished. I’d a pretty promising presence on Facebook that could potentially have introduced him and I sooner, but I guess life unravels at its own pace and nothing can force it to go sooner or slower. I’ve grown rather accepting of failures because I have unfortunately grown accustomed to them. It’s almost like I expect to meet with resistance or failure each time something nearly works out and in this case I can’t say I willed it upon myself. I literally tested positive for TB. Which is amusing since those are my ex’s initials, and is yet another TB which seems to be hampering my progress. 

Dry humour is what I’m best at if I’m being my authentic self. I must unfortunately smile and wave because I’m a woman and need to be likeable to get anywhere in my line of work. That isn’t to say I’m a sociopath or hate people. I just wish I didn’t have to pretend to be interested in their lives and feign amusement at their not so novel ideas. Pretty sure I’ve not so novel ideas too, but I don’t need to be indulged for the sake of my (not) fragile ego. Anyhow.

I applied for this job early in the year and didn't expect to hear from them (because the first few years of my work life had me flailing and coping with depression instead of steering my career, and I know I shouldn’t grudge her for this but I do). But I did hear from them. And everything went through. Including 3 rounds of aptitude tests and a personal interview (which I thought I bombed but didn't somehow). Until I tested positive on a skin patch test for TB. Why do these stupid standard sets of tests get prescribed world over? Honestly, if I’m ever supreme leader of anywhere I will ban standardised tests. Not in the way that I say medicine is a sham, not at all, but in the way that WE LIVE IN THE THIRD WORLD AND WILL OF COURSE HAVE TAKEN THE BCG OR HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE BACTERIA AT SOME POINT BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARILY EVER GOING TO BE ACTIVE SO USE A BETTER AND MORE CONTEXT SPECIFIC TEST INSTEAD OF GIVING ME ANXIETY AND EXISTENTIAL CRISES LIKE THESE, JFC. 😭😭😭

But I’ve taken the other test and that’s also got the drawback of being unable to differentiate between inert and active TB. So I took an HRCT scan. I’m so sick of running around hospitals, there’s a literal virus in the air. But Monday is when I’ll know the medical verdict. And then there’s the whole security check process. I hate when this happens but I’ve lost so much time to grief, I simply cannot sit around moping any longer. 

Earlier this year I interviewed with the **. I was given a verbal confirmation and had a text message implying an offer was made to me, because I received an acknowledgement to my acceptance of an offer. If I was the person I was in 2014, I’d have kicked up a fuss and made sure that offer was honoured, but 2021 me knows that working with bosses who go back on their word slyly and cave to nepotism usually need their cocks sucked. And I’m not only incapable of that, but have also dealt with enough workplace harassment elsewhere to be adamant about a brand at the risk of my mental health. But really, he can go suck it because I have confirmation from staff that he is EVERYTHING I read him to be. I’m not intuitive or anything, I just read people very well because I was hurt so bad by them (repeatedly since childhood) that reading people became a thing I did for survival. My sharp instincts serve me well, but are a trauma response. I am very self aware too, yes.

I then interviewed and got through an NGO that was willing to pay me 24L. I turned it down because the founders were running around like headless chicken with their inability to distinguish PR from Marketing Comms (me) from Marketing for business development. I know I was being paid a lot of money, but I will not kill myself performing all three functions while being acknowledged for just the one on my offer letter. I’ve learned to value my labour capacity and assert myself in the economic and political spheres. 

Personally though? I sometimes still think I’m a romantic pushover.

But this is about work because I need to weep a little before being calm about how this year has treated me. Especially since I’m maintaining a cool demeanour in public and literally hate sharing things I’m burdened with. Idk man, it makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like I’ll get a knife twisted in the spot that's most sore. I AM SCREAMING BECAUSE I HAVE LET G WITNESS ME IN PAIN THIS TIME INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY and will someday file copyright over An Enduring Romantic because that’s very honestly me. But ofc it isn’t going to be the legal Copyright, just the sham notice like the one I’d sent him to up his Instagram game. Or he could just operate my Twitter and I’ll run his gram. It’ll even feel natural.

Sometime around May an environmental journal asked me to come on board. Work from the office at the height of the pandemic with no travel compensation and very little money. I turned them down. Then came II**. Which I again turned down because they wouldn’t pay market rate for skills I’ve perfected in 4 years just because they wanted 8 years experience on paper for my quotation. I will do a lot for causes I love, but I also really enjoy being paid fairly and acknowledged for the value I bring to the table.

Then came the start up in Del. Which I turned down because the uncle running it in his wife’s name expected 24*7 labour availability for 12L with no health insurance.

The latest in my list of things I’ve turned down is the ** Gov. Which I can obviously go back to since my reason for turning it down was another job, but 14 days of leave all year? 7 day work week if needed? Hell no. I enjoy having labour rights. But also when I told the dude I’d be reporting to if I accepted that I cant accept due to covid concerns his reaction was “sure, send me an email so we can start looking for someone else immediately.” Like.... we just had a second wave, what if something was wrong? I wouldn’t risk losing my job because they expect work even if I were hypothetically coughing up blood. So best not to touch with a bargepole. Now I’m less sad, but also really hope the TB results are negative. This job I want and have said yes to ticks off all of the boxes in my head and I will truly be disappointed if I lose it to disease paranoia despite being completely suited and picked for the role 😞

Just to be on the safer side, I have taken one last shot at achieving my goal of ‘learn how political systems work so you know what you’re talking about first hand in that PhD.’ I hope my Plan A works out instead, though.

Since I’ve brought him up in this, it will be interesting to note that a year ago I did the erstwhile unthinkable act of cutting a friend of for attempting to steal a man I love. A year ago to the date, literally. Funny how this year is more calm, but I was maxed out on endorphins from him last year. Until this March even, if I’m being truthful. I don’t regret cutting her off.She crossed a vvvv red line. ALL my other friends are celebrating. They detested her. 

Another thing that happened last year was me letting him know that I only get hotter with time, but along with this work drama I have also had a run in with intense grief which I thought was a mood disorder (because it was intense, I mentioned?), cholesterol, thyroid, sugar addiction and now, le TB (PLEASE BE A FALSE POSITIVE YESU KRISTU HALP). So needless to say, I haven’t been most fabulous and undergone my physical transformation and these mental health struggles (are getting better now) strapped me to my couch along with the pandemic and its many lockdowns. I have also not studied for the GRE because I’m stimulus seeking via social media and fear of sucking at math has kept me locked in place. I still have a lot to work through on this front and would really like to make his cover right too, but my creativity isn't working and I keep fucking it up. I am not as spectacular as I was last year. The separation has also weathered my dazzle out a little and while I’m living with it, I still have small waves of sadness that show up once in a while.

I might have also accidentally flirted with someone into falling for me. It was all fun and games and for my pride, but now I’ve to gently let them down since I’ve cold feet and am chicken. Because I’m as emotionally unavailable as a streetlamp. Is this why they call me a Gurgaoni fuckboi?

[yukisohmasmokesweed]

Hi! I just finished season two and now I’m sad lol. I had a thought, I might be a little biased because I love Haru and Yuki and think they are very underrated lol but I’m just curious what your thoughts were, I feel like Haru going to visit Yuki while he’s in Akito’s room is sort of glossed over in a way? Like they never really go into the impact that that had on Yuki, if it did have one. He was so alone and I believe that’s when he said he entered a dark period again and so you would think

that Haru going to visit him and letting him know that someone cared about him would have an effect on Yuki but they never really have Yuki go into it at all like they mention that it happens because he remembers Rin was there protecting Haru but that’s it really. I think he says the next moment he felt hope again was when he meets Tohru. I feel like in general in some regards Haru helps Yuki in a lot of the same way Tohru does, hes very perceptive of how Yuki is feeling and he knows how kind he and how much he has been through, but it doesn’t seem to have the same impact on Yuki that Tohru does, maybe because he is like Kyo and wants acceptance from someone on the outside? Or because he needed that motherly love more and that meant more to him? But he also wanted a friend and I feel like Haru, even though he’s in the family, was his first real friend. Bringing Tohru back to her mom had such a profound effect on him, but making Haru believe that he wasn’t actually stupid and helping Haru step away from these ideas that were placed on him was so important too. Idk I just love Haru and Yuki’s relationship and think they understand each other so well and always help each other out but it’s interesting that their relationship doesn’t really seem deemed as impactful as Yuki’s other relationships. (I am so sorry this is so long it’s like 4 asks lol)

oh yes i most def agree that haru’s friendship with yuki and his continued support of him while he was still living at the estate was probably one of his only glimmers of light when he was young, and i also agree that haru was yuki’s first friend and that carries quite a bit of weight. however, i think the reason haru can’t help yuki make the leaps and bounds that tohru helps him make is because haru is just as involved in the situation as yuki is. a lot of yuki’s issues with regards to his inability to let new people into his life in any substantial capacity and his deep fear of rejection stems from the idea akito planted in his head that he’s “weird” or “abnormal” and that normal people would never accept him. this isn’t a problem with haru, though, because he is also a zodiac member. it’s not that haru’s acceptance of yuki doesn’t carry any weight because a lot of yuki’s repression and anxiety does have to do with himself as a person, but i also think it’s all very tied up in the zodiac/curse aspect. haru will automatically accept the “weirdest” part of yuki because he is dealing with the same thing and he is also not really a “normal” person. 

with tohru, though, she is very much a normal person totally divorced from the world of curses and magic and cults. not only does tohru accept what yuki considers to be the big thing standing in the way of him and normal life (the curse), she also accepts all of the ugly emotions and baggage that comes with it and allows him to explore his emotions about what it feels to be unconditionally loved and accepted by someone outside of the situation. everything tohru does completely contradicts what akito told him as a child, and that’s why her actions have so much more of an effect on him than haru’s, someone who is inside the situation and suffers from the same ostracizing curse. as much as haru’s friendship is important to yuki, their relationship is built on something they have in common and they are friends through happenstance, whereas yuki’s friendship with tohru is very intentional and built on trust and acceptance of something not everyone would be able to handle. 

i think there are a few important parts of yuki’s childhood that are somewhat glossed over, like his selective mutism as well as his relationship with haru, but i also think that fb is veeeeeeery long and i can see why those things were not expanded upon. takaya had to balance a very large ensemble cast and i think she does so very well for the most part, but because of that some things have to be sacrificed. that being said, i do think fb places importance on yuki and haru’s relationship, but because their relationship is established pre-canon i think that importance is a lot more subtle and an undercurrent in yuki’s life as opposed to him and tohru’s developing relationship that changed the way yuki thinks about himself and his relationship to other people.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi! Hope you're doing well~! I was happy to see that you like Shingen and The Mitsus- I kinda called it, haha! However I'm wondering if you guys are also familiar with/had an opinion on Edgar Bright from IkeRev because I feel like he fits your character type too? I literally downloaded the game for him because I never pass on #PrettyBoyAngst~

Hiya friend!! Tysm I’m good, I hope you’re doing well, too! :D Haha, they are indeed my favorites! You guessed right! Long live Shingen (too soon? too soon...) and the Mitsus!! 

Quick warning, I know the game has been out for a while but spoilers for Edgar rt below!!!!

I have indeed played IkeRev, and you are spot on!! My top three bias list from that game is Lance, Edgar, and Fenrir! (surprising no one lmao) I can’t make a cup of hot cocoa anymore without hearing in my head “AND YOU JUST HAVE TO TELL THEM EVERYTHING’S FINE BUT IT’S NOT FINE AND NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTA--” Edgar’s route just sincerely hits different. Like holy actual shit yo, boy smuggles us candy all I want to do is give him some sugar, c’mon IkeRev ;-; (CLAUDIUS IF I SEE YOUR MUSTY ASS IT’S ON SIGHT, ON SIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T FUCKING TEST ME YOU MONOPOLY GUY BITCH ASS--)

Honestly, Edgar is what we all wish ATLA Azula could have had. Yeah he was raised in a rotten environment and did what he had to do to survive, but the guy sincerely didn’t enjoy what he was coerced into doing ;-; and there was never anybody there to protect him. I cry whenever I start thinking about how he saw Zero in sincere need of guidance and affection, and went over to him without a second thought. (Granted, one could argue that Edgar benefited from Zero’s clear inability to fit in, but I really don’t see it that way. Edgar had no obligation to help him out, and very little incentive beyond a desire for mutual friendship. Despite their differences in status and/or capacity, Edgar treats Zero with no shortage of respect and consideration--he just teases him a lot LMFAO) Even when they bicker (IT’S ALMOST LIKE COMTE AND JEANNE AHAAHAHAHH I’M WHEEZING) it’s abundantly clear that neither of them have an ounce of real ill will directed at each other. 

I guess that’s also a sizable point of what I love about him. Against all odds, against everything he was taught and raised to do, he still chooses love. He doesn’t like hurting people, he doesn’t find any pleasure in the power plays/impositions that his uncle lives for. He just likes making people smile and laugh, he just wants to live normally like anybody else--his smarts and his skills be damned. At his core, he was a kid that was raised to be a monster, but even Claudius couldn’t beat the humanity out of him. There is...an utterly heartbreaking, but also profoundly moving aspect to that kind of tension. 

(Now that I write it, it reminds me a lot of Comte and Leonardo. They were both expected to take their place in the hierarchy of vampire/human society, but they both reject it so vehemently. They don’t see human beings as pawns, they don’t see them as playthings or even sources of nourishment. They acknowledge what they are, but they want to treat people with as much dignity and compassion as they can regardless. In the ageless words of Iroh, “Perfection and power are overrated. I think you were very wise to choose happiness and love.” While they may have been able to understand all of this on an instinctive level, they actively chose it over every motivation/coercion they were offered to be cruel and unfeeling. They bear their scars for choosing what’s important to them, just as Edgar does. It is a unique but debilitating pain that comes with being unanimously rejected by your community because you choose to deny the expectations of your upbringing and social status, especially when the standards that were imposed on you were glaringly immoral to begin with.)

And the thing that kills me the most is that Edgar just. Has always done this, has always chosen what’s right as much as he was able no matter how painfully thankless--if not actively harmful to his well-being--these choices were. So when MC takes notice, when she makes a conscious effort to return that mindfulness, he’s floored. It literally changes the landscape of his mind, he goes into a god damn crisis to be able to process what just happened. Imagine being so desensitized to positive attention that you have a trauma response in trying to deal with direct, unfettered goodwill. And don’t even get me started on that desperate moment where he just loses every ounce of calm when MC briefly loses faith in him/wavers. I don’t even remember the exact words exchanged I just remember the sheer devastation in the wake of that scene, the way I cried. There are no words for how much I love him and how little that man has been allowed to live. (AND LANCE SUPPORTING MY BOY!!!!!!!!! SCREAMING AND CRYING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Also. Idk if you've seen the “my desires are unconventional” Edgar memes but the ducky and roller coaster ones just SEND me, it was literally the reason I decided to do his route and I regret NOTHING 😂😂😂 

And the Creeks!!!! The Creek family!!!! I sob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So pure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Though now that you mention it there are a lot of elements in Edgar’s rt that align with Leonardo/Comte rt, feeling exposed 😂😂😂. I guess between them and Shingen/the Mitsus, one thing that I find really, really attractive is this notion of being kind to people with a deeply compassionate motivation. It’s not enough to say nice things, it’s the fact that they do care about the people they’re paying attention to, and seek to de-escalate conflict (whether internalized or externalized) as much as they can before it reaches an explosive point. They’re good to people with very little--if anything--to be gained in return, and they know what’s worth being grateful for in life. There is a breadth of altruism that is simply unmatched by some of the other suitors, a maturity that just draws me in like the proverbial moth to the flame; I fall head over heels in milliseconds. 

I do this a lot in real life but they are what I like to call “ninja nice”. They are schemin’ bois but the scheme is wanting to make you smile!!!! And it’s so god damn wholesome ;-; it never fails to make me laugh

I’m also deeply interested in this idea of “love at play.” It’s apparently a pretty common literary device/premise, but I wasn’t made fully aware of it until recently. The implication is that relationships are not only built on mutual feelings of affection, but also on a kind of language that people develop together; they find ways by which they comfortably tease, or poke fun, or just enjoy the same things and joke around while doing it. It may seem pretty intuitive to some, but for me this was a very new concept--I’ve never really seen it done before. And yet, I can see for myself that I tend to seek it out a lot without even knowing, and I think it’s a beautiful and crucial thing for people to share. It really makes me so happy to see :D <33333

So yeah, this is a house where we love and cherish Edgar Bright!!! I got a little side-tracked, but I hope I’ve answered your questions! Oh yeah, and as a note my wife also does love Edgar as well, we tend to share biases LMAO (Never on purpose, we always just watch/play the same stuff and come back like “THIS ONE!!!!!!!! YOU TOO!?!!?!? FLKHJAHGKHDLKJ”)

[musashi]

Can we ask you for advice on character development and interaction for a pokemon fanfic? I love Denounce the Evils and want to capture that amazing feeling from reading it with my own characters.

first off, thanks for liking my fic! ToT dang!

so, on development:

have an idea mapped out of where your character is and where you want them to go by the end. that is really the bluntest advice i can give. you need a start point and an end point, and how you fill in the time in between has to do with the external factors in your story and how your characters react to them as time passes.

think about the relationships you want your characters to have in the beginning, too! make little pairs and write out a list of traits you want their relationship to have. sibling-like? romantic? best friends? multi-layered? rivals? write the names of two characters and beneath that, write how each of them feels about each other. how does x feel about y? how does y feel about x? this will inform plot points, conflicts, and how they speak to one another. if they clash on two ideas, that’s an opportunity to expand upon. do they compromise? how big of a rift does it cause if they dont? 

i’m gonna give you a mountain of DTE talk as an example just because we’re both familiar with it and i talk best in examples honestly xD im sorry this got so long and its just me talking about my own ass story.... but i super do not know how to like... give general advice, so i wanna like. idk. walk you through my own process? yeah

there’s actually two simultaneous developments each character is going thru at once--all three of them need to achieve the goal of, ultimately, growing to be heroes rather than villains. this was the easier bit to develop, because they were fairly soft-hearted villains to begin with. it really was a matter of dissection first--what motivates team rocket to be villains? the answer to that is: stability, money, freedom. villainy is a career to them, so in chapter one i mercilessly destroyed their organization. that left their main motivations: stability, money, and freedom. the rest of the story is about them finding that elsewhere. they don’t know where elsewhere is, so they travel the world until they do. 

good deeds don’t always immediately yield results. this is a lesson they have to learn, and they have to choose to do good anyways. their past will often creep up and hold them accountable. they have to fight their urge to make excuses for their past selves. and at certain points, they have to resist the temptation to go back to the comfort of villainy. but, as i’ve said, they’re all very softhearted individuals. its easier to make them choose good than say, a villain like hunter j or giovanni.

this is the plot-centric character development--this is was fuels the story and the conflicts they face as a group with a shared past. the other running character development happening is their individual development. this dictates 1. how they interact with one another and 2. how they might splinter off from the group and interact with various people they meet along the way.

meowth’s arc is the simplest--it revolves around this idea that haunts him: that he’s alone in the world, caught between two states of being, never quite knowing where he fits in and searching for a home. his end is that he realizes homes are made, not found, and that he’s always been exactly where he belongs--with his two best friends, with his family.

james’s arc is about healing from his trauma, a trauma he is ruled by. he allows others to step on him because its what he knows, he runs from hard conversations because he sees his abusers in everyone and everything, he leaves his friends behind because he legitimately believes he is doing them a service. james has a martyr complex and can’t fathom he’s loved by anyone--he considers himself a burden, so he’s self-sacrificial to a fault to lessen that burden. his end is to be the opposite of ALL this--in the end, james is brave. he faces everything head on, he has conversations with what scares him even if his hands shake and his voice gives out. he advocates for himself, he looks his abusers in the eyes and tells them who he is and they see it and they’re scared. he reunites with all the friends he left behind and gives them a second chance even when he doesn’t fully believe he’s good for them, he trusts them. he might not entirely believe that his presence in anyone’s life matters, but his friends and pokemon believe that, and he trusts them. 

jessie’s arc is about a lot of the same stuff james’ is about--overcoming the trauma that rules her. in her case its traumatic abandonment, and her fierce prioritization of herself. jessie loving herself is not a toxic trait by any means, but where it comes from is problematic--she loves herself so wholly because she believes that if she doesn’t, no one ever will. she’s obsessed with being someone’s wife because once that happens, in her head, thats it! they cant abandon her! they cant leave! she’s safe! she’s secure! all her actual toxic traits revolve around her fear of abandonment & her history with it--she abandons her own friends in a heartbeat because she’s scared of them doing it to her first. she refuses to be vulnerable or open up deeply to the people closest to her because she’s scared of them loving her, and her loving them back, and that love being fostered, and the euphoria of that... and how bad it will hurt when they leave. she’s incredibly sensitive and masks it with anger, and overall she’s just a neglected person who needs to be loved for who she is, but who struggles with finding someone to love her because she’s become so sharp and walled in DUE to all that neglect.

her end is realizing that she’s wasting her life living in fear of this heartache. that never being abandoned again is not worth living a life without love. and while my message was never really meant to be “jessie has to change herself to be loved” (i try to make it clear james fell in love with her at first sight when they were kids xD) she CHOOSES to make several changes: she chooses to open up to her friends, and she CHOOSES to compromise and make little sacrifices for their own well-being now and then. 

going back to character relationships, i always knew DTE was going to be a rocketshipping story, and a huge part of that was because i was dissatisfied with reading very few realistic takes on their relationship’s development. fanfiction is meant to be self-indulgent, but jessie and james are polar opposites. in some ways, that makes them an amazing couple! but there is a LOT of shit they feel different on, and so their development largely revolved around their inability to meet each other on the same wavelength before finally brute forcing it and putting in the work. i knew i wanted them to have a screaming match with one another by the time the fic was done, because the build-up of tension between them over the years needed to come to a head so they could both break down and just talk.

james runs from things he’s scared of. jessie is scared of people running from her. james thinks he’s lower than dirt. jessie thinks she’s the most important thing in the world. james is canonically gamophobic & has PTSD revolving entirely around marriage. jessie is obsessed with being someone’s wife. james desires freedom because he was raised in stifling conditions. jessie desires stability because she was raised in conditions that constantly changed. my assignment is to somehow make them fall in love.

this is what i’m talking about when i say conflicts are key to informing development. ultimately, conflicts are contrasted against how much your characters are willing to compromise for one another. early on in the story, they might fight and stew and mess things up and be incredibly clumsy with one another. as they work on their issues, these conflicts can keep coming up, and every time, you can make them compromise a little more. 

in DTE, my best example of this is the fire stone. jessie snags it for herself in chapter 4, and immediately starts dreaming up a future where she has the flareon she always wanted. but jessie’s arc is about how love requires compromise, and how falling in love with someone can make those compromises come almost instinctively. so in chapter 16, she gives the stone to james without a moment’s hesitation. in the chapter before this, she’s the one to stoke her anger and admit she knows nothing about why he’s so disgusted by this baby oddish they just hatched. these little moments of compromise build. the reader remembers them, james remembers them, and they allow him to make his own compromises. 

when one character shows growth, the people close to them are likely to have moments where they stop and think--wow, they’ve grown, haven’t they? maybe... i can do that, too.

again sorry i just blathered on about my own ass story, its just the hardest i’ve ever really thought about this kinda stuff so its my reference level, tbh. i would say, plot out your story. plot out your characters--their good traits, their bad ones, where they are, and where you want them to go. as you hit points in the storyline, you can think “this is the perfect place for these two to conflict” or “this is the perfect bit for a small victory.” and you can just gradually change and shift those interactions as time goes on. thats kinda how i played it! i had a lot of little scenes i wanted to write, and how my characters developed changed and shifted and melded to those scenes. 

and remember, you are in control. this is your canon. anything you’re not happy with, you can change and rework! take it seriously, but don’t stress out too much. overall, the one thing you need to always take to heart: just write. dont let the fear of doing it wrong paralyze you into making nothing at all.

good luck!

[formulatrash]

Hey, how do i reply when someone says "something really bad must have happened to you for you to do this. Whats wrong with you?" At the time, my only comeback was silence, but silence has been my comeback for years and well, I guess it developed into repressed anger? The only reason I'm asking is cause a friend of mine got me some time in one of those destroy room things and uh. Yeah. I freaked out the employee there.

Edit: I replied to the wrong ask here one moment I will do some editing sorry!!!

Right, actually replying to this ask now: 

Honestly, we all react different ways. Especially currently. Some of us carry around a lot of emotion and some of us don’t but provided you’re expressing it in safe environments not, idk, doing what I do and going off trying to get killed in various dubious scrapes then it’s not something wrong with you.

Controlling frustration and anger to let them out in safe scenarios rather than lashing out at people is a good thing to do. But equally, if you’re living in a way that causes you massive pent up frustration and where you feel you have to repress any assertion of yourself then that sucks and I’m sorry.

There’s loads of reasons that that can happen but the most common is an inability to express yourself and assert when you’re uncomfortable. That’s not a failing on you, it’s environmental and can cause long-term trauma even at what might be called a low level, if you’re asked to repress or dismiss your own feelings to make others more comfortable. On a grand scale, it can be demographically traumatic (see: civil rights movements) - the right to assert and have validated your personhood is essential to being human.

So; if you’re still in an environment where that’s happening and if it would be unsafe or unviable for you to find better ways of asserting your own boundaries, emotional needs and personhood then the only thing I can recommend is catharsis. I struggle with this sort of thing a lot (contrary to appearances I am a total pit bull for a cause but really bad at actually asserting myself cus of... childhood issues) which is why I healthily cope with things by reading pornographic fanfiction in order to feel something, recommended by all  professionals.

Media is a good way of getting stuff out and being validated: sometimes you just need to be assured that what you’re feeling is real and not irrational or an offence. And friends who can support that and ground the emotions are also helpful.

In the interim, so long as you’re not hurting anyone then frankly fuck whatever normie judgement someone’s managing. I guarantee you’re not the biggest rage monster in that room.

[trailerparkflower]

Borderline personality disorder + Steve Harrington?...

So I was thinking about how Steve acts in relationships, researched dependency from the partner and then found a lot of info about BPD, wich made me think what many of the disorder symptoms are very fitting to Steve and explains some things in his behaviour. Lets starts, guys!

Promiscuity.

All his teen life Steve been slutting around probably too scared for serious relationships (because its better that way, no one will leave him if he leaves them first), all charming and needy and touch-starved, calming down his desire for attention and affection. 

Unstable relationships/idealization of the partner, lack of boundares.

Then he settled in the realationships with Nancy (who are brave and smart and oh, so stable), which turned out pretty much unhealthy from both of the sides, and Steve became so depended on his her to the point of breaking up his bounds with everyone else( including his probably childhood best friend Tommy) except her and planning all his life to revolve around Nancy.

Fear of abandoment, frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

He fears what Nancy will abandon him so much what he becomes even more clingy and needy, while she gains even more control in relationships and becomes a “top dog” (from Joe words). In ST1 we also see how insecure and  jealous Steve was to Jonathan, his dramatic reaction on John and Nacny hug, jumping in conclusions without any evidences. He even breaks Jonathan camera in the begining just out of his “insecurity” (again, based on Joe interview), fear what Nancy and Jonathan have better understanding of each other. In other words, he afraid what Nacny will leave him for someone else and he will stay alone again. Steve Harrington canonically has big abandoment issues, probably cased by neglecting parents.

Needing attention+validation

Idk if I even should comment it. We all know what King Steve persona was build for getting attention, admiration and validation from others, know how much time Steve spends on his looks and hair, how pleased he is when Tommy and Carol have all eyes on him. When he doesnt get compliments from Nancy, he pouts and praises himself on his own because he needs that.... “see, a ninja”; “make sure you wont forget this pretty face”, ect. You ask me, Steve has the biggest praise kink in all Hawkins.

Inability to regulate emotion, difficultes with anger controlling. Impulsivity.

Steve is one yelling bitch. He is a soft boy, but when he gets really upset and angry, he becomes mean and yelly and acts without thinking. He tears apart his own essay because Nancy couldnt help him with it, he pouts, storms of the rooms, screams at people. 

Getting upset easily + habit of blocking out intense painful emotions.

If you ask Steve how he doing, he probably will smile and say “peachy!”. Not because everything is really peachy, but because Steve prefers to ignore his own problems and things what makes him sad and pretend what everything is perfectly alright. He asks Nancy go to the movie and “pretend everything is normal for a few hours.”, says what his parents totally gave him hell for drinking beer but “who cares, screw them” and changes the theme. Tommy screams “run away, Stevie boy, like you always do!”, wich suggest us what Steve has a tendentions to avoid confrontations and stressful situations. He once again says Nancy go to the party and pretend to be normal teens in ST2 when she voices her concerns, and we see what ignoring problems and pretending is Steves constant coping mechanism for stress fear and sadness.

Distorted self-image.

Steves sense of self also seems to be instable and based on how people around him see him, like with Tommy he was a school bad boy, with Nancy he became a good guy, with Dustin he became a total soft dork as we see in ST3 trailer. He is unsure about his own goals, he doesnt knows who he is and who he wants to be, like wich job he prefers and what he likes to do in his life generally. Tending to base his own self on his relationships with other people, he gets complitely lost in the end of ST2 when Nancy is no longer with him.

Self-harm, self-desctuctive behaviour. Self damaging acts as drinking, drugs, vandalism.

Steve smokes, drinks, gets into the fights he cant win. Stands near Tommy when he writes about Nancy the slut and Jonathan the creep, runs away from cops. I would even say what his fight with Jonathan was quite maschostic, because Steve rilled him up and then barely protected himself and almost didnt resisted when Jonathan pushed him to the ground and started to punch non stop. Tbh for me it seemed like if Steve was so upset what he wanted some physical pain to blur his emotional one.

Dissociation, "zoning out"

Sometimes if you pay enough attention, you see Steve standing/sitting here with blank empty face. Usually it happens in stressful events, when he has some free time by himself. He also gets slow time to time, like hes habing hard time to concentrate. Cant be sure, but its does seems like zoning out. Im think there was even some parody video where people noticed what Steve sometimes gets blank faced and slow in the middle of the talk.

Paranoidal ideas, anixety, nervousness

Oh, this one is easy. You honestly wont find another ST character who is so full of anixety. He is fidgety, he hugs himself in a self-defense manner, he makes himself look smaller than he is, he constantly has the deer in the highlights look on his face, he cant think and act straight when he meets the Upside Down monster first time, so Jonathan even has to grab his hand and yank him to run. We also see how Steve is afraid of the goverment in the ST2, I would say its paranoidal behaviour-its seems like he does think what they are constantly being watched. Says what they will destroy their lives and families and changes the theme what Nancy wants to discuss.

In ST1 he is also ridiculously scared what his parents, dad especially, will find out what he drunk some beer, he gets so scared of this idea what he even calls Nancy and asks not to mention that to the cops, says what his parents will “Murder him”. 

In ST2 he is also pretty freaked out by Billy, in basketball scene when he is pushed down and Billy holds his hand you can see what Steve is trembling and looks like he is going to cry. Im not joking guys, just rewatch the scene....Poor guy just cant have a rest!

Presistent feelings of emptiness & guilt

“I'm sorry? What the hell am I sorry for?”

No matter is he guilty or not, if Steve having a conflict with someone, most of the times he will feel guilty and be sorry, as we see in the show. He wants to apologize to Jonathan for telling him means things, saying, “I just wanna be good, make things right”, buys him new camera (and giving it to Nancy, not presenting it to Jonathan himself.), cleans local theatre, he says sorry to Nancy, calls himself a jerk, a shitty boyfriend (wich is kinda downgrading himself), wanting to bring her roses and say how sorry he is again. Dustin also easily kind of guilt trips (”you promised to protect us”)  him to protect the party in the tonnels, while Steve clearly was against the whole thing, and feeling really unwell after getting his ass beaten by Billy.

Learning disability/scool problems. BPD can make it difficult for them to control the focus of their attention, to concentrate.

Steve plays it cool and pretends unbothered, but he actually tries hard to learn stuff. Even in ST1 we see in his room, what his table is covered by various homework papers. Its been shown what Steve having a hard time with study, what he is eager to be useful but not the smartest guy around, from his really chaotic essay and getting C-, to the Nazis comment. Its seems like he has some learning disability and doesnt even knows about it himself.

 Its also a known hinted fact what Steve doesnt have a good relationships with his parents, especially with strict father, he even calls him a “grade A asshole”. By their absence in the series, when we saw all the main character families, Steve remains all alone in big house, wich makes us think about how neglecting they are. The thing is, “people with BPD  have been found to be significantly more likely to having been abused by parents.”

During development, Joe Keery and the Duffers spoke about “what kind of family life [Steve] comes from and maybe this girl Nancy is quiet and listens in a way that other people haven't listened to him at this point.”-wich is pretty fitting to the portrayal of “neglecting, denying the validity of childnren thoughts and feelings parents”-that type of the bad parenting what BPD people mostly experenced.

“Parents were also reported to have failed to provide needed protection and to have neglected their child's physical care”, what gaves us the possible reason of Steves constant anixety and running away from the problems issues.

So, while we dont know can it be canon or not, I would say what there is high possibilities what Steve has BPD.

[jeremiahgrey]

JEREMIAH GREY ##STATS&BIO

Basic Information

Full Name: jeremiah grey

Nickname(s): jay

Age: twenty-four

Date of Birth: march 23, 1995

Zodiac Sign: aries

Hometown: las vegas, nevada

Current Location: san francisco, california

Ethnicity: his mother is caucasian, his father is african american

Nationality: american

Gender: cis male

Pronouns: he/him

Orientation: heterosexual

Physical Appearance

Face Claim: justice smith

Hair Colour: dark brown

Eye Colour: dark brown

Height: 5′10″ (178 cm)

Weight: 149 lbs (68 kg)

Health

Physical Ailments: none

Neurological Conditions: borderline personality disorder

Allergies: none

Sleeping Habits: varies, depending on level of anxiety/current state of mind.

Eating Habits: varies. tends to snack frequently, rather than eat large meals.

Exercise Habits: goes for a run 1-2 times a day.

Emotional Stability: it varies, but overall about a 5 or 6.

Sociability: likes to be alone, or in the company of 1-5 other people. but he doesn’t fear public places or crowds and doesn’t have social anxiety (typically). just a preference.

Addictions: cigarettes, usually stress related.

Drug Use: none that he consumes habitually. he’s experimented with psychedelics and marijuana, but it’s just a once in while type thing.

Alcohol Use: about once or twice a week on average.

Personality

Positive Traits: adaptable, adventurous, amusing, charming, determined, quick witted, resourceful, tough

Negative Traits: detached, finicky, moody, obsessive, quick tempered, stubborn, unstable

Hobbies: swimming, running, conspiracy theories, hiking, visiting abandoned towns/buildings & old cemeteries, people watching

Habits: smoking, whistling, biting the skin around his nails, fiddling with objects or his clothing, tapping his foot

BIO:

TRIGGER WARNINGS: CHILDHOOD ABUSE, SELF HARM & SUICIDE IS BRIEFLY MENTIONED, MENTAL HEALTH

Jeremiah grew up in Las Vegas

His father left him and his mother when Jeremiah was 12. He had been verbally and physically abusive to both of them up until his departure.

The trauma stuck with Jeremiah and later led to him being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder

When he was in middle school he would have “episodes” of social and mental withdrawal. They would last a few hours typically, and without the clinical resources to diagnose it, he would always refer to it as being “trapped in himself”

Being trapped meant he was disassociating. He would basically just “blank out.” An inability to focus on one thing, just racing thoughts that he couldn’t keep track of or characterize. Often times he would have to physically escape as well, isolating from other people. A lot of the time he had urges to self harm, or even suicidal fantasies.

His personality for the most part was bubbly and charismatic, he was adventurous and always starting a new hobby or interest. And then he would become “trapped” in his mind.

His inability to characterize his mental illness, and his childhood trauma, culminated in a short temper.

He was suspended from school in his junior year for getting into a fist fight. He was sent to mandatory counseling sessions, where he was formally diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder.

For a few years he faded in and out, never quite having a quick fix or remedy when he felt trapped or angry. And he refused medication, or any forms of continued therapy.

His senior year of school he just couldn’t put up with it anymore. The bouts of aggression, being labelled a freak, the lost sense of loneliness that accompanied being “trapped.”

Every time he’d have an “episode” he would journal. An attempt at collecting and manifesting the racing thoughts. He would smoke a cigarette, hold his breath, count to ten, and write everything he possibly could. Then he would go for a run.

It worked, at least a little bit. It made him feel more in control. A way to cope. And whenever he feels it coming on, he has to get away, and chase that ability of control. He doesn’t always have to write, but he needs to do something. Go to the top of a building and yell his thoughts, or to a creek to throw rocks and count out his feelings. It’s not a one hundred percent fix, and he still has outbursts that mimic rage. But he can clench his fists and disappear and try to deal with it.

He moved to San Francisco when he was twenty one. Just to get out on his own, face the world. His mom had a new boyfriend, someone better than his father. And he felt okay leaving her, finding himself.

Today he’s still the same guy with borderline personality disorder, but it’s not a ghost that unwittingly haunts him. He just lets it happen, redefines it. Yeah, a bit unstable, but he doesn’t fear it anymore. Of course, he still has the traumatic threads of his pasts that still weave into his character from time to time. But he feels more free than he’s ever felt before. He has an apartment, and a job, and a different outlook on his mental health. It doesn’t feel like he’s trapped anymore, it’s just a burst of  inward thinking that he can channel into something recognizable and bearable.

Jeremiah works as a delivery guy for the businesses on Carroway Street.

FAST FACTS / HEADCANONS / PERSONALITY:

Goofy and lovable, unless he’s in a “mood.” Sometimes he may seem a bit odd or scatter-brained, jumping from topic to topic in conversation.

Likes memorizing random facts, and sprinkles them in when talking to people. He doesn’t naturally have a very good memory, so he tries to purposefully improve on that.

Often comes up with nicknames for people.

Sometimes he’ll just say some cryptic, vague shit. Something ominous or nonsensical. This is just him thinking out loud usually.

The way he interacts with people is usually pretty vibe based. If someones a dick, he’s a dick. If someones acting tough, he’ll probably try to get under their skin or irritate them a bit. He’s not afraid to say what’s on his mind, and usually the thought of “filtering” himself isn’t even present. It doesn’t feel controversial to him to say some of the things he says. He doesn’t think of himself as bold or brash, but he’s come to learn over his entire lifetime that it’s the reason he’s so often branded as a freak or a weirdo.

ALSO just because he doesn’t “filter” himself in conversations, doesn’t automatically mean he’s an asshole, or saying rude things constantly. A lot of the times he will say stupidly sweet things that the average person would find cringy or awkward to say to another human being so brazenly.

He’s also pretty good at reading people, just he’s not very good at acting accordingly and appropriately?? I guess? Like he can pick up on vibes, but that probably won’t change the fact that he’s gonna say what he’s going to say. 

And lastly (I promise this is the end and I’m sorry this got rambly oops) he’s kind of stubborn and can be bossy, like once he gets something in his head like THAT’S IT, he’s doing it and he wants you to do it. And you can call him bull-headed or balky but he’s just going to insist he’s passionate and determined. And it’s probably annoying to the people around him but he doesn’t really care honestly he’ll probably just rant and rave and somehow convince whoever he’s with because he has a sort of cheeky charm about him. but also he’s a pain in the ass sometimes i guess.

PLAYLIST:

coming soon

WANTED PLOTS/CONNECTIONS:

any of these can be platonic or romantic, depending on how we develop them!!!

a friend that he can just “shoot the shit” with. someone who will go on little adventures with and sit in the woods with or sit on the beach with and listen to music. they never pry about his mood swings and they give him space and stuff?

someone who works at jukebox records and doesn’t mind when he loiters around all day and recommends music to him, and sometimes they’ll sit at one of the listening booth things at the store and listen to each others recommendations together.

a drinking/karaoke buddy

someone he met when he first moved to san fran (3 years ago), and maybe he’s told them about his past and his mental illness and his coping mechanisms and they’re good at recognizing the signs and they kinda help him out and let him vent and they’re just supportive and understanding. but also respect when he just needs to be alone or escape, but checks up on him cause < 3 < 3

a neighbor (in his apartment, and im assuming he lives in the calloway apartments i guess) but they started off as enemies kinda? like maybe one of them would blast music and then the other would bang on the walls and be mad and leave little passive aggressive notes telling them to stop being annoying. but maybe the loud music stopped or something?? and then the other person was like “whoa are they okay?” so then they started leaving notes that were caring and supportive and maybe little gifts or knick knacks or food for them, or little scavenger hunts, and then they just kinda started hanging out one day. IDK, this can be discussed more in depth/particular in dm’s i guess. this would be cutesy i feel!!!

an ex girlfriend or ex fwb. but it didn’t work out because they couldn’t really deal with jeremiah’s mood swings or his need to disappear sometimes, and how vague he would be about it. or maybe they suggested he should go to therapy or a support group, and since he is such a stubborn little pain in the butt he just became distant and felt judged and went cold on them. maybe there’s still some lingering feelings there, either positive or negative. we can discuss the particulars in dm!!!

someone with mental health issues, that he met at a support group when he first came to san fran. but jeremiah stopped attending the meetings after only a few. this relationship could be a lot of different things! maybe it’s hostile/confrontational, because they have differing viewpoints on how to treat mental illness. it could be supportive. or maybe it’s like a secret?? like maybe this other person was at the support group for reasons that they’ve never told anyone, and like, jeremiah can be their trusted friend or confidante.

NOTE: if there are any connections that aren’t mentioned here, but you feel like would really suit my muse, please feel free to message me!!!!!! with anything!!!!!!!

[jan-uinely]

hot takes continued

here we go. season 12 episode 12. 

so. it’s time to chit chat about drag race. if u dont like my opinions sry. 

this is gonna get bigger than one episode or one season. this is meta drag race. 

but first i guess the episode. right. so. obviously it was a “musical” so obviously i wanted to see jan sing and obviously she did not. I do think that this challenge [not necessarily placed in this episode] would have been a great time to do a like returning queens. but i digress.

i think that it was a little muddled. like it wasn't like any of the “girl group” numbers where it’s just the verse and chorus. all of the verses were placed in different spots throughout the show. I also think it’s ironic that this whole episode is to promote this live vegas show which is obviously not happening right now. but alas. 

i agree with bob in that i liked jackie’s verse the best. 

i did not love gigi’s outfit in the challenge. you couldn't make out the heart as easily bc the red was all the same color. I also think the material used was too chunky- it was quilted. i would have rather had the heart be quilted, not have a corset underneath it, and have the rest of the top part not be quilted. i thought it was a good concept but i would have preferred different #choices. i also would have rather the hair been straight instead of curled.

i did not have a huge issue w crystal’s orange and green outfit. i also appreciated the callback stars and stripes hair. though maybe not together?

jaida was good as per usual. i want her to win, but we will get to that later. 

also let us note the basketball wives hair that made a comeback [gigi, jackie]

runway time.

crystal and ******’s outfits did not fit the way i wanted them too, and the problems were both in the hips. when i saw them i thought the hips should be exaggerated, but instead they both looked weirdly deflated. and crystal’s torso section could have been brought in. [i did see on instagram that the person who made crystal’s look [casey caldwell who is a nyc based designer, works w a lot of neoprene/thick materials- just look up on instagram caseyyalater] actually made it for dragcon and crystal bought it right there, so it wasn’t tailored] 

in the dior v dior battle, i thought gigi won. jackie’s dress was just i think a little too large [not in terms of tailoring, in terms of diameter] but it was very jackie

gigi said that her outfit was quintessential gigi, which i think it interesting bc if you look up showgirls performances, it very much is. however in terms of the character portrayed on drag race i didn’t think it was. it was very well made, etc. but it just didn’t fit the “perfectionist trope” of the show. 

jaida is once again wearing a gown with a presequinned fabric, which i am not mad at. it is quintessential jaida. 

critiques. 

again ooh we have to nitpick bc we accidentally cast too many winners on this season blah blah blah. i was not a fan of when they said oh well we will have to look at report cards. as if they didnt intentionally load up gigi and ****** with wins at the start of the show. 

and then it’s like oh well jackie and crystal have to lip sync blah blah blah. and you know that jackie is going home. bc the judges absolutely love crystal, all because of that mullet. 

to quote bob “I used to be really upset at queens who won the judges with their personality” and that is still mostly true for me. i don’t think her placement is unjust or whatever, but like if ru didn’t like the mullet, she would not have been given the confidence boost to turn her trajectory around, compared to jackie and widow and jan, who did most things right but just were not rupaul’s fave, and must have had a much more difficult time mentally on the show. 

and FWIW heidi falls into this category as well. race chaser i think said it - all of her success comes from ru’s ideas. and being naturally funny and charismatic and having ru like you as a person is a huge gift and huge talent, but the inability to wrangle it...  that being said i think she deserves the world and will grow [and has already grown] from this experience.

and the thing is that crystal also keeps going back to the same stuff which could have been funny if the episodes were more than one apart or if she didn't do it twice in one episode but. idk. 

now, who will win, who should win, hmm hmm hmm. tbh i don’t think it will be crystal. they just crowned the oddball and they like to mix it up, or at least try to. also why looking at the history of dusted or busted scores [and s/o to jan for coming in @ 4 [after the disqualification]] crystal is at a 2, and bebe won with the lowest score at a 3 [w 2nd and 3rd place at 4 and 5], and that was in season 1, which was a whole other ballgame. leaving us with jaida and gigi. i am team jaida. i think that she is much more developed as an artist and performer than gigi, and I think that she will bring us something new.

[here comes the meta part]

the title is america’s next drag superstar. and i think in the beginning of the show, they decided that that had to mean something new and exciting, something that pushed the boundaries of what drag could be [which is rly ironic coming from them but]. which has developed this culture of what is the formula to be successful on drag race. and some people were more overt about this [jan] and some people were more subtle about this [gigi and jackie]. 

but for some reason, the [Black] pageant queens will make it to the top and then never win. - and they’ve had overt conversations regarding pageants and pageant culture on the show before - but balls and pageants were like the building blocks of drag culture in the us [from what i understand]. so inherently that means it’s no longer “new” and exciting. but the thing is that so many of these fashion [/nyc] queens work so exclusively with these high end designers to produce these looks [i think bob said it can cost like 10K to prep all your stuff for drag race] and with that the ability to design and sew falls away. 

and i think that is reflected in the challenges and how they have changed. this season there was one design challenge. and that is just so disappointing to me bc i think the design challenges really separate who has a full understanding of their persona and who does not. 

and with fewer and fewer design challenges, you have more and more designer items, and the ability to create something has fallen to the wayside. personally [and i will probably make another post about this later] i want to bring back the design challenges in one of two ways. 1. have an all designers season. where drag designers work to make elaborate costumes based on a prompt and given certain materials. bc on the show designers are not credited as much [that part comes on instagram]. 2. i want to have a drag race blank slate competition. where contestants audition and are given a list of prompts but cannot bring anything except like a notebook. no prepared outfits. you can sketch designs to the prompts, but all the materials are provided. contestants still have a main challenge and a runway, but rather than 2 days, they are given a full week to execute the challenge and the outfit. this would totally change the game in my mind. like one you wouldn't have to have money or take out loans to compete, you could just come and show who you are. and two the audience could see more of what goes into this stuff. AND if drag race really wants to feed us, they could do like a wed. ep and a friday ep. to spread things out. 

my favorite challenges are design challenges, and while i think the first challenge this season gave us a better introduction to who the contestants are, the design challenge is a really good thing to have at the front. 

i do think that if they had not had the debate that there would have been another design challenge in the mix, but bc it was an election year. 

anyways, i want jaida to win bc she’s excellent at what she does. and at this point there is something new and exciting about making all your own clothes and being polished and knowing who you are.  and tbh gigi doesn’t bring anything new to the table. sure the ability to sew and design is good, but compared to aquaria and violet the designs were not as diverse or inventive. on top of that, the fact that gigi is outwardly apolitical [and doesn’t understand the connotation of “privilege” in today’s times] is just not a good look. I also think that it is interesting that gigi came in as the look queen but actually did better in the acting challenges. 

idk my main takeaway is that gigi is really really good at playing other people, and with that comes a lack of self awareness. striving so hard to be perfect can come at the cost of not knowing who you are as an artist. like gigi’s brand is literally “im that bitch/bitch” which again, just isn’t what i want in a winner. 

and tbh the gigi bug bit early but ended when ru gave her the win on the madonna episode. [i will say that jackie could have won snatch game but tbh i was annoyed w her for being a little dickish to the safe girls that week [though what she said was totally understandable] and also i <3 jackie cox [and chelsea piers we stan chelsea piers in this house] i think there is something so gr8 abt being a nerd and being prepared and being on brand about it. also jackie is always the one to hop on the dolls’ lives and comment their venmo. hashtag cool aunt jackie. [though that here for cox t-shirt and the promo photos make me uncomfy though i get it]]

re jackie coming back to complete the top 4... IDK it’s nice and all but they've already established that they don’t want her to win- otherwise she would not have been eliminated. 

also in my mind there are only 12 places so jan actually came in 7, widow 6, heidi 5, jackie 4. 

anyways these are my thoughts. as usual, raw and unedited.