#i absolutely get that this is the point but there's something genuinely so hollowing and just. hurtful about joel's death

[bejeweledmp3]

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[comradekatara]

so i read azula in the spirit temple. i actually quite liked it! it helps that she looks absolutely gorgeous in wartman's art style. it's so much easier to digest this new batch of hicks comics, not only because they're actually being written by someone who understands the themes and characters of atla, but because they're so much more aesthetically pleasing than the former art style, which didn't do any characters any favors.

now, i'm gonna venture into spoiler territory as i discuss specific panels, so if that's something to wish to avoid for now, i've put the rest of this post under a readmore. also, send me an ask if you want the link for the full comic, and thank you to @samtamdan for providing me with it!

i. thesis.

first of all, the idea that azula could have found "redemption" in the temple was teleologically illusory, due to the fundamental premise of how such "redemption" was being facilitated. that said, i don't think it was her "crossroads of destiny" moment (a potential for change wherein zuko chose wrong), but rather the leadup to "crossroads of destiny," which is to say, his metamorphic fever dream. like zuko, she's seeing visions of her loved ones manifested from her subconscious giving her conflicting accounts as to who she is and what she should do. so while the seeds are being planted, her growth is still to come.

but genuine growth cannot be facilitated in this manner. how can azula embrace "growth" she knows to be an illusion? she's definitely not being overly paranoid here by refusing to "just accept what is offered," especially considering she has experienced psychosis in the past. while i think that this spirit does accurately acknowledge the root of azula's core issue, which is that she was raised in an environment where she was denied unconditional love in such a way that she convinced herself she was fundamentally unlovable and undeserving of care (thus motivating her to overcompensate through avenues she could excel in), the visions the spirit offers don't actually provide azula with unconditional love. they list her accomplishments and state how she is a credit to her nation, but that won't allow for azula to recognize that what she truly craves is a love that transcends stipulations and is not facilitated through fear. she can't have any sort of emotional breakthrough when she is being praised for aspects of herself that were valued and fostered by her abuser who indoctrinated her into an imperialist ideology, and so the promise of "redemption" (in this particular instance) was hollow from the start, and i think that she was right to ultimately reject it.

however, her moments of genuine vulnerability wherein she voices her repressed subconscious fears may lead to her eventually arriving at a greater self-awareness and emotional clarity on her own somewhere down the line.

ii. manifestations.

a small detail i loved was when ty lee appeared to her, i could immediately tell that she was an illusion, because she was acting how azula sees her. the beginning of the comic even foreshadows this "reveal" (i mean, i think it would have been more shocking had she actually been real, but you get what i mean) by showing us a glimpse of ty lee acting more authentically now that she's no longer under azula's thumb. and it's particularly amusing to me that in azula's mind, ty lee is a perky airhead and mai is a massive cunt.

not gonna lie, the fact that this is how azula sees mai made me laugh.

of course, ty lee does always feign oblivious cheer around azula, and mai is blunt and honest to the point that she can sometimes seem mean, but it also speaks to the fact that as much as azula clearly cares so much about them, she's never truly understood them. that said, azula's last clear memory of mai is her choosing to say the exact words that she knew would hurt azula most ("you miscalculated, i love zuko more than i fear you") so it makes sense that her subconscious would now manifest a version of mai who voices azula's innermost fears.

furthermore, the fact that mai would manifest to azula as an extension/double of ty lee instead of as her own person, wearing the kyoshi uniform even though mai herself is not a kyoshi warrior, is such an interesting choice to me. i think it signifies how azula views mai and ty lee as a cohesive unit; they are inextricably linked in her mind due to the fact that they chose each other over her. while zuko does appear later as a manifestation out of the same figure, he is wearing his firelord robes, indicating that azula's memory of mai in kyoshi warrior garb back in book 2 is significant to her. i think it can be read as a clever allusion to that very subtle moment of foreshadowing in book 2, but it primarily indicates how azula sees mai and ty lee as two faces of the same body, donning the garb they once wore as a disguise – only now it indicates that their dual loyalties were also in opposition to azula.

ty lee, on the other hand, can only be a bitch to azula obliviously, when she appears ignorant of how much her words have the capacity to hurt her. considering this is a continuation of the yang established canon, the fact that (azula's vision of) ty lee would so casually suggest azula seek help from a psychiatric institution would read as condescending mockery and is clearly incredibly triggering for her, but her phrasing allows for an ambiguity of intention that azula has come to associate with ty lee's discursive affect.

of course, we as the audience know that ty lee was always perfectly conscious of how to veil her insults towards azula with enough plausible deniability that azula didn't even register them as deliberate insults at all. however, i wonder whether time away from ty lee with the hindsight of her betrayal allowed azula to reframe the nature of their relationship. and while she does still see ty lee as enduringly cheerful, that also makes sense considering she never truly witnessed ty lee drop her mask.

these nuances are the kinds of subtle distinctions only someone who truly understands their characters could write, which is why i'm so grateful they ditched yang and hired hicks.

iii. love and friendship.

i also love these panels in particular as they speak to azula's feelings for mai and ty lee. despite her... less than stellar treatment of them, it's always been clear that azula does love her friends. the reason their betrayal hit her so hard is because she wanted them to care about her as much as she cared about them, and she rationalized that hurt after the fact by claiming that she was actually upset because they betrayed "their nation." this rationalization is a pattern for her, psychologically. azula uses her status as a means of elevate herself, while simultaneously debasing her personhood/humanity (not only viewing herself as a vessel/weapon, but fearing that she is in fact a "monster") as she fears that she is uniquely unworthy of love. the irony there is that her status as the prodigious fire nation princess was what led to her dehumanization, and (like zuko and iroh before her) deconstructing her imperialist ideology would be a necessary step in her ability to uninternalize the way she sees herself stemming from ozai's abuse.

i also found it interesting that azula calls zuko a "stupid boy who didn't even want her." there are so many layers to that claim. first of all, zuko isn't just a random boy (although he might be stupid). he's her brother, and as much as she may deny it, she cares about him deeply. but here, the fact that zuko is a boy takes precedent over the fact that he's her brother, which screams teenage lesbian logic to me. azula cannot understand why her friends would choose a boy over the close female friendship that meant so much to her because her attempt to inhabit mai's perspective, as a girl who has romantic feelings for a boy, is genuinely impossible to her. i know this interpretation may seem like a stretch, but i really don't think that azula would say "she broke up our team for a stupid boy" and not "for my stupid brother" otherwise, considering that azula does have an established precedent of feeling specifically hurt by her loved ones choosing zuko over her. her wording is distinctly gay here.

furthermore, azula claims that zuko "didn't even want her." i've talked before about how azula is hoisted by her own petard regarding mai's betrayal, since she initially set zuko and mai up (there is a comic that establishes this, but since i don't consider the comics canon, i will also say that this reading is heavily implied in "the awakening"), whether to control both of them through each other, or as an incentive to keep zuko on her side, or out of a genuine altruistic desire to matchmake, or a combination of the above, or otherwise, and that choice to bring them together ended up backfiring spectacularly. but i think the fact that azula had to pull the strings to get them together also led her to assume that any care they might have had for each other wasn't genuine, and while i think that to a degree she is correct, because their relationship was largely a hollow facade, she could not have expected that their relationship would lead to their breakup which led to their conversation in the boiling rock that motivated mai to take a stand. (and of course there's also the fact that the wording of the latter clause, azula claiming that zuko didn't want mai, is equally as gay as the former. she may as well have called zuko a slur here.)

sidenote: while i could definitely spend ample time dissecting this entire panel, for now i'm just going to address the fact that the boy azula sees in her initial dream sequence isn't even chan (the guy she kissed) but ruon-jian. obviously azula in this moment knows that her hair looks like shit (although i think the overgrown uneven bangs are a really cute look on her tbh) and she's stinky from running around in the woods for however long she has, but the fact that the voice presenting that compliment to her isn't even coming from the boy she ostensibly "liked" makes it even more evident that she cares about validation from boys insofar as she believes that she is supposed to, but doesn't actually care enough about them as individuals to distinguish between them. chan and ruon-jian are interchangeable symbols to her that function to affirm her (heterosexual) femininity, but she still cannot fathom why anyone would forsake their cherished female friends out of genuine feeling for "a stupid boy." azula is such a baby lesbian.

and finally, the fact that this entire plot is incited by her replacement girl group choosing one of their own over her command illustrates how much mai and ty lee's betrayal still resonates. she is attempting to cling to an idealized past via recreating their friend group, but she still hasn't learned her lesson that she cannot make genuine friends by being controlling and ruling through fear, and so history repeats itself, and they, too, leave her. hopefully her next endeavor to find a friend group of likeminded girls will be tempered by newfound knowledge that love and mutual support creates stronger bonds than fear, but since she has yet to be shown genuine care from anyone in her life, that has yet to be seen.

iv. parents.

one quibble i do have is that because hicks has to adhere to the precedent set by the yang comics, despite navigating and adapting to those precedents deftly, some choices simply fall flat. for the most prominent example, the retcon that ursa is still alive necessitates that azula's understanding of her mother's absence is slightly muddied, but that's always gonna be a choice i disagree with, so i can't exactly single out this particular comic when it nonetheless does such a great job of attempting to mitigate prior issues, mostly by focusing entirely on its role as a psychological character study rather than attempting to deal with the mess of a plot that yang established.

that said, i do think that this panel is really poignant, and the fact that azula is even able to speak to her fear of ozai is a really big step for her. i think that azula acknowledging that she legitimately didn't have a choice is actually a really important milestone on her path to healing. her cognitive dissonance regarding her denial that ozai's abuse dictated her actions through fear is a matter she needs to address and articulate fully if she is ever to find peace. it's understandably difficult for her to reconcile her lack of agency and how terrifying the circumstances of her childhood were, and she even oscillates here between acknowledging that she was terrified of ozai and claiming that ozai is the only family she has left who hasn't betrayed her. i think that azula almost wants to be a monster who drives everyone away because that means that she nonetheless has enough control to be responsible for her fate, and actually facing the extent to which ozai's abuse shaped her is really scary. moreover, it's still difficult for azula to recognize how much harm ozai has caused her because she has no other form of material support, and without the hollow approval of her abuser, she is truly and utterly alone. which, incidentally, is exactly why he isolated her in the first place.

v. conclusion.

while, i know that some people may be disappointed that the telos seemed like a net zero, i think that the push towards isolated character studies that don't affect the plot since hicks was hired actually works really really well considering she understands each character well enough to write these compelling little character studies that largely serve to reinforce the themes of the show via placing a single character under a microscope. and while i think the toph and katara standalone comics were cute but unmemorable, the suki and azula comics were really good because they are both characters who can benefit from having their perspectives foregrounded, whereas we already get plenty of foregrounded pov from toph and (especially) katara in the show itself. azula is a character whose inner life is largely relegated to subtext, so seeing her literal subconscious battle itself upon her spiritually-manifested psychological landscape was a really cool way of communicating her latent internal struggle that has compelled me for so long. despite it being a relatively short comic, there was so much to unpack here that i could really only choose so many key panels to discuss, but that depth and richness to the text is something i appreciate greatly. azula is one of my favorite characters to analyze, so this comic was really like a field day for me.

and here are just some panels i found particularly amusing:

gotta find a way to take potshots at zuzu even when she's completely alone. she's such a little sister sometimes.

tl;dr: overall, i really enjoyed this aesthetically pleasing character study of azula's shattered psyche, and although i only unpack a handful of my favorite panels in this post, i am happy to discuss any further thoughts you guys may have regarding other facets of this comic in my inbox!

[crabdrabbles]

Hiii Crab so happy to see you write outside of our rants/idea chats and my fellow delulu cod enjoyer! Would love to request Platonic!141 + Reader (sorry if this is long and somewhat confusing lol). You can do headcanons, drabble or whatever you comfy for. An idea that popped in my head kinda semi personal: Civ or 141! Reader though has parents and family is the reader is quite something else. Reader despite having somewhat normal upbringing still feel empty; they shouldn't be feeling this numb and empty deep inside of them. The reader craves the love that they give but couldn't or lack of receiving it back, though they don’t expect it or selfishly want it. Just someone who understands them even in their deepest darkest secret or flaw then boom cue the task force 141 unexpected yet welcoming to their life and maybe the one that the Reader can lean and let them be vulnerable on (finally).  

Take your time on doing this Looking for to your other writing genuinely -Cee, your fellow Soap delulu

GN!Reader & 141 (Mostly Price)

Warnings: Slight angst Ships: None. A/N: This absolutely ran away from me and I do not at all regret it, hope you enjoy, Cee!!! Words: 3549

Almost your entire life had been a cycle of self doubt that also started to churn and twist into self-hatred. You blamed yourself for the feelings. Afterall, you had a relatively normal upbringing. Two parents who were both present in your life, both of whom worked so that you all had food on the table and a roof over your head. A luxury that very few had.

The least you could do for them is follow the path that they wanted to put you on, no matter how much you didn’t want to do it. Because you loved them. 

So you excelled in your education, studying hard to try and impress your parents– to make them love you just as much as you loved them for everything that they did for you for your entire life. They wanted you to do all three sciences despite the additional workload it would add to your already stretched thin time? Then you would do them, take any extra classes after school in order to keep up with the work and not lag behind any of your peers. 

There was no such thing as a social life, either, not when you had homework and projects due. Friends were few and far between. Generally, most people left when they realised how hyper focused you were on your grades instead of social interaction. 

Did a classmate get a higher grade than you on a test? Well obviously you didn’t study hard enough, you just needed to dedicate more time to school even though school was all you had.

Did you get the highest marks in the class? Good, that was what was expected of you. Why didn’t you get full marks? You were better than that. You would do better because you loved your family. They showed it in their own way, of course, by encouraging you to study harder and get better grades. That was their love language, and yours was doing as they asked without a second thought. Because, at the end of the day, you were lucky to have an upbringing like you had. You would ignore the hollow void clawing at your chest because you had no right to feel that way– not when you had a roof over your head and parents that loved you(?).

It was when you came top of the class with full marks in a recent test, you came home with a beaming smile on your face and proudly showed the test to your parents. They took the papers from your hands, flipping through your work with critical eyes, before handing the papers back to you. 

‘Well done, we’re so proud of you.’ That was all you wanted them to say to you. That was all you needed to hear. To know that they loved you. 

‘Your penmanship is terrible.’ Was what you got instead. When you tried to point at the big 100% in green pen, you were waved away. ‘How are you expected to get a job when you write like a child? I’m surprised the teacher could even read your answers’. 

After several years of balancing a work and educational life and paving a way for a line of work that you didn’t want for parents you should have been grateful to have, you decided that enough was enough. 

No matter how hard you worked, no matter how high your marks were, they would never be proud of you. They would never return the love that you had for them until you nearly killed yourself trying. 

Spending your entire childhood, teenagehood and all of your current adulthood trying to please your parents predictably would damage one’s psyche. You had no friends, family who had never been devoted to you as you were to them, and high grades serving as the foundations to a prison-like future.

You dropped out of University. The only option forward that you saw was joining the army in the vain hope that the empty feeling inside of you would dissipate when you actually did something that you believed was more worthwhile than any University course. 

So you threw yourself into the military, working harder than all of the other recruits and training at every chance you could.

Your skills and determination became widely recognised amongst your peers. It took several years, but you eventually caught the eye of none other than Captain John Price. 

Impressed by your willpower that not many soldiers possessed, he offered you a place on the 141. 

Naturally, you agreed. You believed that being part of such a well renowned and respected team would finally beat back the lingering self doubt and emptiness that had curled itself around your heart.

It didn’t. If anything, it made it worse.

You were invited to join the 141, sure, but they had already established their own relationships between each other, had already bonded into a close knit group, and you were simply an outsider. Yes, you had been hand picked by Price himself, but that didn’t mean you were part of the team. They had their own inside jokes that they told to one another, leaving you feeling left out on most days.

And you felt… lacking around them. Ghost was stronger, Gaz was faster, Soap was smarter (he was a demolitions expert for crying out loud!), and Price was almost all of those rolled into one. They all complimented each other as a team. Meanwhile you felt like a spare tyre, a master of nothing and barely a jack of any trade. 

Despite how you felt about it all, they all called you ‘kid’. Regardless of age gaps between yourself and the rest of them, the nickname stuck mostly because you were the newbie. It came as a surprise that it wasn’t spat with vitriol as your peers before had, but it was in fact said with… an affection you couldn’t quite place.

You couldn’t ignore the hole in your chest that had been chipped at over the years, forming a gaping maw that no reassurances could really mend. 

Doubt lingered in the back of your mind, chipping away at your sanity as you prepared for the worst. How long would it take before they realised you weren’t good enough? 

You were so deep in your doubts that you didn’t realise that you had been distancing yourself even more than before until you overheard a conversation in Price’s office a few months down the line.

“-- they don’t belong on the team.” Gaz said as you passed Price’s office and your heart dropped. It was only the tailend of what he had been saying but you had gotten the gist. You wanted to stay, to listen to the conversation more and listen to what your team had to say about you, but you didn’t. What you were going to hear were likely things you had already told yourself right from the start. You keep walking on, ignoring the sting of tears burning in the corners of your eyes. The blood rushing in your ears prevented you from heating the rest of the conversation. 

“-- not only are they acting like they don’t belong on the team, but they’re acting like they’re not good enough.” Gaz continued, sighing in frustration.

“Maybe they need more time.” Ghost rumbled in reply, “Let them come out of their shell a little bit. Best not rush these things.” He was talking from experience, after all.

“Aye… maybe I can invite them out for drinks or sommat? I wouldn’t want them getting transferred before we got to know them a little more.” Soap had been the one that had tried the hardest to get close to you but had also tried to give you space so as to not suffocate you with his personality. 

“They won’t be getting transferred.” Price said with conviction, tapping his desk, “I chose them to be part of this team and this is where they’re going to stay. Let me have a word with them first.”

“Aye, sir.”

— — — — — —

You found yourself in the smoker’s shelter outside the main building. It was late enough that most of the soldiers had gone to bed or off to do their own things elsewhere so you doubted that you would be bothered for a little while. Just enough time for you to get your thoughts together. Your tears had dried in your eyes a few minutes ago, making them sting in the cold air. You didn’t need to look in your reflection to know that you probably looked like a wreck– entirely unbecoming of a soldier of your apparent status. 

You didn’t want to get transferred. Despite your distance with the 141, you didn’t hate them. Far from, actually, you held a great deal of respect for each and every one of them. It was just that you felt like you didn’t have your place amongst them. Not good enough to be associated with them. 

“Bit late to be out here in the cold, chuck.” A voice startled you out of your thoughts– one that you would recognise anywhere from the low rasp of a smoker's lungs. 

“Captain.” You croaked, wincing at the patheticness in your voice. There was a scuff of boots as Price came closer, leaning into your line of vision with a furrowed brow which only furrowed more as he took in your dishevelled appearance.

“Something on your mind?” He asked kindly, perching on the arm of the bench to give you some personal space. He left his question open, allowing you any chance to steer the conversation how you wanted to. There was no judgement for catching you at your lowest, no disgust at your red rimmed eyes— just polite understanding and a non verbal offer of pleasant company. 

“Why did you pick me, Captain?”

The question made him tilt his head, a frown beginning to tug on his features. You were worried you had insulted him.

“What brought this on, huh? Someone say something to you? Need me to have a word with them?” He straightened his back, scowling. Whilst you felt like you didn’t have a place in the 141, you could never deny the shield of protectiveness that Price held over his team. You remember in the back of your mind the day that some General who thought he was hot shit had the audacity to undermine Soap as nothing more than a ‘yappy dog’ when offered the Scot’s demolitions expertise. Price had appeared almost out of thin air and almost ripped the General a new one and things would have escalated into a fist fight had Laswell not intervened. It wasn’t as though Price didn’t think his own soldiers were capable of defending themselves, but he couldn’t care less about punishments aimed his own way over that of his Sergeants and Lieutenant. It was just a surprise that the protective streak extended over you, too, despite your distance to your teammates.

“I’ll sound stupid.” You mumbled, looking down at the ground as if expecting him to chastise you like a child. He didn’t.

“I’ve had my fair share of stupid over the years. Try me.”

“... and ungrateful.”

“I once had a guy punch me in the face two seconds after I took a bullet that would have killed him.” Price countered with a cut off chuckle once he remembered what was probably a mission long finished and cleared his throat. “C’mon, tell Captain what’s on your mind.”

And he sounded so sincere when he said it. Sounded like he genuinely wanted to hear what was going on in your head– that he was willing to waste what was already his important and limited time on someone like you. 

“Sir—”

“John.” Price corrected gently, crows feet more noticeable at the corners of his eyes scrunched up when he smiled, “We’re off duty, you don’t need to be so formal.”

“... John.” You echoed, finding that you really didn’t like saying that. It felt like calling your teacher by their first name in primary school or a classmate’s parent other than their last name. 

“Now, c’mon, tell me what’s on your mind. Might not be a therapist, but I’m better than bottling it up.” You wondered in the back of your mind how often Price did this. Sat with his soldiers and talked with them, offered them a listening ear to hear their vents and fears. You couldn’t help but feel honoured to be one of the few he willingly offered said time to. Your silence stretched on as you thought of the words to say, how to phrase what you wanted to say without sounding unappreciative of the opportunity that Price had offered you when he requested you join his team. 

“I don’t feel like I belong here.” You blurted once the silence had stretched on for long enough to border on uncomfortable. John’s face fell and you quickly realised how bad that sounded and rushed to correct yourself.

“No, no, wait, let me explain–” the Captain closed his mouth to allow you to continue speaking, but you could tell that it was hard for him. “I just… you could have anyone better than me, you know? I’m not a demolition expert. I’m… I’m not the best Sniper. I’m the slowest on the team, pretty sure I’m the weakest–”

“Nope.” Price interrupted, finally breaking the bubble of your personal space as he took a proper seat next to you on the bench but still respecting the distance enough to keep a few inches between you. “Nope, not lettin’ you say another word.”

“But–” 

“Nope.”

“Cap–”

“No.”

“But you could have anyone better—“

“But they wouldn’t be you.” He deflected easily. Far too easily. He leant back on the bench, crossing one leg over the other as he folded his arms over his chest. His fingers twitched and you could tell he was itching for a cigar but didn’t light one out of respect. 

“Alright, sure, I can ask Laswell to give me one of the best soldiers in the SAS and have them brought here tomorrow. They could be the best of the best, top of their class, better than you and maybe even better than me. But that’s a bit of a stretch.” He winked and earned a weak chuckle from you. “But they won’t be you. I don’t pick just on skill alone, kid, I pick based on how I feel people would fit into the team. I chose you because I knew that you’d be perfect.”

“As for not being a demolitions expert, let  me let you in on a little secret. I’ve no fucking clue about demolitions, either. And you don’t have to be on the team to be the ‘best Sniper’. You’re better than most, and that’s what’s important. As for being the weakest– did you or did you not bodily lift Gaz in a fireman’s carry during training the other week while he was trying to act as an injured civilian? Quite dramatically, might I add. Swooned and everything.”

You remembered that practice mission. Quite fondly, actually. Gaz was a civilian and , after being struck by a foam bullet from Soap, had dramatically screamed in agony and crumpled to the floor. When you had lifted him up and over your shoulders, the bastard continued to wail something along the lines of telling his non-existent spouse that he loved them and that his money be given to his equally non-existent children. Soap got in another shot to the man’s head, knocking off his cap in the process. Distracted as you were trying to haul your teammate out of the danger zone, you couldn’t help but laugh thinking about it now. 

“Last time I checked, Gaz is somewhat heavier than a sack of flour. Don’t tell him I said that, I’ll hurt his feelings.” Price was right, you supposed. You were more than capable of carrying Gaz over your shoulders, maybe even Soap or Price himself if the time called for it. Ghost you weren’t so sure about, though. The man was a walking mountain. 

“What I’m trying to say is that you have to give yourself more credit. You’re more than good enough to be on my team. I chose you for a reason.”

You… did not expect that sort of reassurance from Price. You had hoped for something along those lines, yes, but perhaps with a thrown in criticism or three. You waited for a ‘but’ that never came. The man snorted beside you and when you gave him a quizzical look, he waved off your concern.

“Shit, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think the next thing out of your mouth would be that your parents never hugged you as a kid.”

Your silence made him slowly turn his head towards you. It would have almost been comical if the situation wasn’t. His face crumbled and a wounded sound emerged from his throat.

“Sometimes they did!” You rushed to defend the people that raised you. “And they gave me food and shelter, clothes when I needed them–”

“Fucking hell. No, that’s what they’re supposed to do because they’re your parents. What about telling you that they were proud of you? That they loved you? I saw your records. Top of your class in not just your training but in your education, too. Triple sciences, mathematics, all of it. They had to be proud of you for that? My parents would have killed for me to get even a passing grade in my GCSEs.” You looked down at the ground and it was Price’s turn to have his eyes fixed on you. 

“They were proud of you, weren’t they?” He asked again, leaning forwards so he could catch your eye, his own filled with concern. “Kid?”

“I don’t talk to them much anymore.” 

Price inhaled sharply and he leaned back again, looking around and clenching his jaw as if fighting back his anger. His fingers twitched again. You admired his self control as he was still yet to grab a cigar that you knew he kept on his person. Usually in his breast pocket while his lighter was in his right pocket.

“Listen to me.” The Captain said, a more stern edge to his voice now that he had gathered his thoughts together. “Whatever your family said to you— how they treated you? Forget it. They showed you obligation. Not love. They didn’t want what was ‘best’ for you, they wanted bragging rights. What you’ve achieved– here, in bootcamp, in university and in school, is something to take pride in– no, no, look at me.”

Your gaze had trailed to the side so you avoided looking at your Captain in the eyes. He noticed and clicked his fingers to gain your attention back on him.

“Don’t look away from me because I want you to listen to what I’m gonna say and I want you to look at my face as I say it.” Your eyes met his blue ones, “You should be proud of everything that you’ve achieved in your life. I’m sorry that your family never told you that and I’m sorry that I haven’t said that enough to you since you joined 141.”

You opened your mouth to say something– to argue or disagree but he shook his head.

“No. It’s my turn to speak now. I’m proud of you. I am so proud of you. Everything you’ve done and everything that you’re yet to do, I will always be proud of you. You’re an exemplary soldier and I knew the moment I saw you that you would be a perfect addition to the 141 and you have proved me right time and time again. You belong on this team just as much as the rest of the boys. Do you understand?”

So many words– proud, proud, proud. That’s all you had wanted to hear for so many years from someone whose opinion mattered to you. You wanted to be seen and Price, this godsend of a man, had seen you and more.

“Kid, do you understand me?”

You nodded once and then realised that Price wouldn’t have been able to tell through your shaking. Tears blurred in the corners of your eyes and you nodded again, not trusting your voice in case it shattered. 

“What do you need from me?” Price’s voice was oh so soft, like he was talking to a frightened fawn. He could see how much his words had affected you and it clearly broke his own heart.

“A hug.” Your bottom lip wobbled and his face softened as he opened his arms, twitching his fingers to urge you closer.

“I can do that.” 

You leaned into him and he quickly wrapped his arms around you, drawing you in close. You could smell the lingering scent of his last cigar. The smell of his office and cleaning oil. You felt his chin on the top of your head and felt how his chest rumbled as he spoke.

“You’re part of the 141 whether you like it or not, alright? Me and the boys want you here for as long as you want to be.”

At that moment, for the first time in your life. You felt wanted. You felt appreciated and you felt seen.

have a request? send one in!

[zukosdualdao]

hakoda being a genuinely loving, supportive father to katara and never invalidating her feelings but still comforting her is something that can be so important <3333

especially, as many as have pointed out, as it contrasts with zuko’s hollow reunion with ozai, getting conditional and tenuous praise while still nervous, knowing he’s on thin, dangerous ice, and on his knees in a pose that more or less looks like he is awaiting judgment.

one of the ways this really gets highlighted is that katara spends the episode needling hakoda. just a little, just here and there—he just heard me call you dad didn’t he? and it’s sokka’s invasion plan both spring to mind—and i don’t think even she understands why she’s doing it. she seems sincere and surprised when aang suggests katara’s mad at her dad. but it’s definitely there, and it maybe was there for a while, because there was a weeks-long time skip we didn’t see.

but there is never, not for one moment, a point at which katara thinks needling hakoda in this way might put her in danger, or a point at which the audience is supposed to be worried for her on that level. it doesn’t even cross her mind (because hakoda is a good and non-abusive dad), and the only reason it crosses mine now is because of how it contrasts with the zuko and ozai scene.

there is tension between them, sure—we see hakoda reacting with some sad/confused expressions but still appeasing her—but even as hurt and confused and angry as she does feel, katara feels 100% safe to express it all to hakoda without any fear of retribution or danger.

contrastly, zuko is… you know, i said nervous before, but terrified would be a more apt word. everything from his expression, to the ominous music, to the staging as ozai looms over him is supposed to show us that. he’s terrified. and the audience absolutely is supposed to be worried that zuko is in danger here because we’ve seen why he’s terrified and know he has every reason to be and that the situation is inherently tenuous at best: zuko would never and could never poke at his father, the way katara does hers in this episode, because it wouldn’t be safe to do so.

zuko spends most of his interaction with ozai completely silent, in fact, and when he does speak up—what did you hear?—he’s walking on eggshells to navigate the lie azula’s told, and the danger he’s finding himself in anyway.

also, just to be clear, this is not katara hate, i literally love her. i love that katara gets to act this way because it’s such an honest portrayal of a teenage girl with complicated emotions, and i find her reconciliation scene with hakoda to be one of the most cathartic scenes in the entire show. and like, i’m glad that she never has reason to even consider that hakoda might harm her in some way, because that’s not a situation that any kid should ever be in. the point is the parallel with zuko, who very much does have reason to worry about what his father will do, is as fascinating as it is tragic.

[omegalomania]

no ok like. i know this is The YBC Blog and all but i really truly need to go off about how GENUINELY fucking fascinating the whole "young volcanoes" video is on a metatextual level. like the entirety of the youngblood chronicles says a WHOLE hell of a lot about the band in terms of the metaphors it's painting wrt the hiatus and reformation and the fact that they took this particular song (sonically incredibly airy and cheerful, lyrically desolate) and turned it into the dinner party from hell. this is a story where an external force chops up the lead singer and hollows him out and then serves his organs to the rest of the band. theyre made to consume him, literally, against their will!!! and thats not all!! they are vividly hallucinating at this point, because theyve been heavily drugged - again, against their will! - and they see this whole thing as a joyous affair. in their blitzed out brains, this is them reuniting after the harrowing experience of being kidnapped off the goddamn streets! and then they have this fucked up trippy GROUP HALLUCINATION where they are literally EATING PATRICKS ORGANS. and in the real world, none of them can see this happening - except patrick. patrick is not blindfolded. patrick can see them being forcefed his own viscera and he's too fucking high off his ass to do anything about it. in fact, in reality, he barely acknowledges his bandmates at all.

like just thinking about this from a metaphorical perspective. its fucking fascinating innit. the band literally cannibalizes patrick against their will, and he cannibalizes himself against his will, and they are all made to believe this is something that they want to have happen. they are misled and drugged into this. they eat him alive. they eat him ALIVE. and they are made to think they're having a great time doing it.

the band consumes itself for the seeming entertainment of the onlooking vixens. and they don't explore this through the avenue of pete, who the rest of the band regularly cites as the creative impetus behind the band, but through patrick, the voice. the mouthpiece. the one who sings the words. this is the third fucking video they released when the band came back from hiatus. and its this. it is the band being forced to consume the lead singer and primary composer from the inside, and him participating in this forced consumption.

it makes me grip my head and scream. we witness this horrifying incident so early and things only get worse and worse from there. for all that patrick kills joe and pete later in the narrative, they have patrick's blood on their lips first, staining their mouths, slicking their insides. and, like the case with patrick, who has been warped into something violent, they don't do this willingly; it is done to them. we see what true and genuine hatred of music and creativity has motivated the vixens to do. and in contrast we see, by the story's end, the thesis statement that the defenders of the faith love each other beyond any earthly horror that can be inflicted upon them. how unbelievably unfathomably fucking captivating for this to be present at the very start, this warped perversion of that kind of love. what else is friendship and brotherhood but this. what else is love at its most destructive and possessive than this. we are friends, we are brothers in arms, we are companions until the bitterest of all bitter ends. we have wrought immeasurable horrors upon each other. we have consumed each other. we have eaten each other alive. we all have each other's blood on our hands and in our mouths. if save rock and roll is the brightest and most elevated declaration of love imaginable, then young volcanoes is the darkest and most twisted. we don't want to be here. we're having the time of our lives. we're trapped. we're screaming. we missed you. we are better together. we are destroying each other. we love you. we love you to the most twisted and horrific and absolute endpoint imaginable. we love you. they won't let us stop loving you. we love you. they won't let us stop. we love you.

[fullmetalpotterhead]

I think there is a cruelty in expecting your idea of a happy ending is the one a person wants for themself and I think it’s an idea we see within tgcf AND within the fandom treatment of the characters.

(Warning below cut for novel spoilers and also the fact some of you may get defensive. Absolutely enjoy fandom the way you want I just think narratively and analytically it feels hollow).

FX and MQ struggle with who XL has become because they believe they understand who he is supposed to be. They believe they know best the happy ending he is supposed to want. Their idea of a happy ending for him does not include scrap collecting or ghost husbands. It does not include roaming around the mortal realm. And so it is hard for them to fully face who XL is and the fact he can be happy in a way that is different from this preplanned scenario for him. (One that admittedly a younger him would agree with! Their belief is well founded, it’s just misguided.)

And mostly, I see fans understand this. That XL’s happy ending is the soft epilogue of a quiet life not caring much about heaven or important events but doing what he wants to spread kindness and enjoy love. But sometimes still I see fans who talk about how perfect he’d be as the new heavenly emperor and I wonder “don’t you get it? Don’t you see that he doesn’t want that?” The responsibility of that. The burden of managing heaven like that. It’s not what XL has ever really striven for even when he was more “ambitious”. He’s the kind who likes to go down and get his hands on things, not sit back and take this mantle of ultimate authority that ties him up in buerocratic red tape. He’s never wanted to manage the gods, that’s not the kind of power he sits happiest in. He could be happy in spite of being given such a role, but when I see fans give him this they pose it like a gift. Like an honor. It is neither of those things to a man who genuinely does not even care anymore about being seen as a god by anyone but his husband.

And then I see Xuan Ji. A ghost who lingers in obsessive, crazed love-hatred. And when she fades, it is because she has finally let go of her attachment to PM. She’s at peace. She can rest. Her reason for lingering isn’t like HC’s, it was never a happy thing. She lingered in traditional ghostly fashion as a sick twist against nature and when at last she was settled she could finally move on to let her soul continue to her next life instead of being trapped within her crazed grief. So it’s important she fades. It’s important she finally gives up and rests. To linger any longer isn’t her happy ending. To let go is to move forward for her. It’s not that her happy ending was dying— she was already long dead. All that remained was unwell. It’s not the same as killing her off, she’s not human. MXTX is giving her a chance at rebirth by letting her fade.

The one I see the most is SQX. I see many fans want SQX to ascend again. Many fans write and talk as if in a few years SQX could ascend on their own merit and return to heaven with grace and that would be their glorious happy end. But such an end… it really feels against the spirit of SQX’s own wishes. SQX lives as a beggar with other beggars in repetenance for what his brother did. He finds new friends and new joy among his fellow beggars. He is resolved and ready to eventually die a mortal death. His brother, his closest family, is now gone and he himself has lived centuries of a very good life. Lived far beyond the years of the average happy mortal. (SWD, in trying to bait HX points it out: they’ve already won. They lived worshipped and comfortable for centuries as gods.)

To ascend again is, for one, not something SQX was ever capable of himself which is part of the point, but second of all… to what end would he ascend for? To what purpose would he desire immortality? His family is gone. His worldview is drastically changed by what he’s gone through. Could he happily return to a frivolous life in heaven? Should he go through the gossip that would no doubt follow him in heaven regarding the circumstances of his first ascension and fall forever? Why? What does heaven and immortality give him that he is lacking in his end now? It doesn’t offer any more family or stability than he’s already found for himself. He’s carved out his happy ending with a family of beggars and he’ll carry the weight of what his brother did and one day he’ll die a mortal death. As we all will. That’s not a bad thing. That’s not an unhappy ending.

XL’s happy ending was not found in heaven, but heaven will forever be part of his reality. Many fans seem to understand this. So I don’t understand why that logic doesn’t follow SQX. To return to heaven doesn’t feel like properly facing his character arc to me. It feels like the same thing FX is trying to do in believing XL’s happiest ending is fixed to the picture perfect ideal. Happy endings are personal things that should suit the one who earned them. And this is the one SQX has crafted. I think he’s done a rather beautiful job.

[rfswitchart]

A Lesson From Owl House That Gets Overlooked

So, I don't know if you know this, but I used to have a tendency of bottling things up. I was scared of people being angry and upset with me, so I pushed everything way down and tried to not let things get to me. And the things I've been through are horrific at the kindest appraisal. I think you know why I'm bringing this up... So let's not waste time and just talk about the two most self-conscious characters in the series; Luz and Willow.

I don't know if you noticed this through the series, but Luz internalizes EVERYTHING. Even before Hollow Mind and the whole "I accidentally helped a genocidal maniac carry out his wicked plan" thing, Luz was quietly baring the burden of grief and trauma. We don't know the full scope of the bullying she endured, it was probably hellish and certainly isolated her. Not only that, but she was carrying the pain of losing her father, which she also internalized.

Because of this, along with the bullying and the lack of support from adults in her life (save for Camila,) Luz doesn't really have a great support system until she meets Eda and King. And even then, it took Willow, Gus, and especially Amity for her to really open up about things.

Meanwhile, Willow was browbeaten by virtually everyone in her life. Amity, Boscha, teachers, everyone looked down on her, calling her 'Half-a-Witch,' forced into learning Abomination magic by her dads instead of the Plant magic she excels at. And of course, instead of that pain manifesting as grief and misery, Willow's internalization of her emotions turns to anger, frustration, and self-loathing as we see the first time we meet her.

Of course, she befriends Gus and Luz and things start to get better, but they depend on her strength and wisdom too much, which allows her to mask her feelings in favor of helping and supporting her friends. We see that it doesn't help that much, especially after Amity once again hurts her by accidentally burning all of her memories.

Granted, things worked out between them, but Amity (subconsciously, as she was genuinely concerned and cared about Willow) was looking down on her much later. And yes, Willow gets to be in the Plant track and becomes the Flier Derby captain of her dreams. However she's still hard on herself, still keeping herself from letting things out... Oh, did you guys not notice that in For the Future? Because Boscha was egging her on and antagonizing her in a moment of weakness, Willow was going to probably hurt or even kill her bully out of sheer anger.

Yeah, if that scene played out any further and she wasn't rendered unconscious by sleeping nettles, Willow was going to do something incredibly bad. I think Elijah (not-so-average-fangirl) saw that too, which is why she said "Willow, are you ok?" during that scene. I know from personal experience that Willow was at her absolute breaking point and when you realize that, it's terrifying. She was going to let out her anger violently on someone who deserved it, but not to the extent that she was clearly going to go with it. It's also why Willow does indeed breakdown after that. She can no longer control her emotions, especially after seeing her dad puppeted and the guy she clearly had feelings for die in her arms...

Of course, we know how both Luz's breakdown in Reaching Out and Willow's breakdown in For the Future resolve. They both talk about it or let out their emotions, and they do so in front of the people that matter the most to them.

For Luz, she tells Amity about her dad. She cries over it in front of her and they resolve their first real fight since going out. Then, they both make flowers and cast them off over the Boiling Sea, continuing the tradition of Luz and her mom without being in the Human Realm. Amity's also the one that tries to comfort Luz the most after learning about Belos, because even if our hero isn't feeling great about what happened, she still someone who truly loves and supports her.

For Willow, it was a need for someone who doesn't rely on her telling her that it was ok to let it out. Someone who could stop her and beg her to never call herself 'Half-a-Witch' again. Someone who truly understood all the pain she was going through and was willing to both support her and let her vent. Now who could that be...?

Of course, Gus did obviously help in that scene, but Willow needed to hear it from Hunter. She needed someone who has only ever seen her as strong who didn't depend on her for support to just say 'you've been holding in a lot, haven't you?' Granted, I won't say you need romantic love to let your feelings and pain out to, but I am saying that a strong enough and supportive enough person can help with that. That's why Gus being there in the Willow breakdown was important. That's why all of Luz's friends telling her that helping Belos wasn't her fault was important. The most important thing about bottling emotions is to have someone there to talk to, be it friend, family, lover, or therapist.

[sylvies-chen]

okay I’ve refrained from posting my thoughts on the ted lasso finale until now in the interest of making sure they’re expressed properly so that people understand how correct my opinions actually are. but I’m here and I’m queer and LET’S DO IT FOLKS:

TED LASSO FINALE THOUGHTS

THE GOOD:

Nate!! Nate was a timid, sweet note in this episode. It was such a gentle little reintegration of his character back into the team and seeing him get a secure happy ending after all that time of insecurity was the part of the episode that provided the MOST payoff. Seeing Nick Mohammed’s post about Nate and his family life and understanding how much he put into that character was so beautiful to see too. I adore actors who very publicly (and in a nerdy way) love their craft!

His conversation with Ted also made me cry like I have never cried before.

COLIN KISSED HIS FELLA AFTER A WIN!! Ugh such a beautiful payoff and full circle moment for him, I was truly squealing with joy <3

The team’s rendition of So Long, Farewell had me GIGGLINGGG oh my god, I’m a die hard Sound of Music fan so I loved it! I would have maybe liked a little more emotion from Ted, I felt like his reaction was kind of… meh? meek? but other than that the song itself was FANTASTIC.

Obviously I love that they won the game, duh

They also had a lot of really amazing and thoughtful callbacks in this episode, like Keeley’s parallel to her entrance in the pilot was great, Ted’s bbq sauce mantra, Nate leaping into Ted’s arms, the ussie guy, the winning play being the play from season 1. All of those little moments showed a strong attention to detail I truly loved.

I love that Rupert made HIMSELF unlikeable in the end. Rebecca didn’t need to ruin his life; she stopped caring and soon saw he was doing a perfectly fine job of doing it himself. Karma truly is Rebecca Welton’s boyfriend!! Or is it?

Jake the motherfucking client seducer over here turning out to be a total dud like yesss!! I don’t want Ted and Michele back together by any means but fuck that guy lol, glad to see she and Henry were getting sick of him

BELIEVE. 😭

Which leads me to…

THE BAD:

I know you all know I ship Tedbecca, but this is truly not coming from a shipper standpoint when I say that that first scene of them was absolute BAIT. It was pretty disappointing because I know Ted Lasso’s been prone to red herrings and fakeouts every now and then but I didn’t take it as a show that would truly bait their fans with something like that??

I don’t care if I’m biased, I don’t care if the writers were trying to be avant-garde with their ending for rebecca, I’ll say what I’m about to say a million times: writing off 1 of your 2 most main characters into a happy ending with a man whose name the audience doesn’t even know is literally never a good writing decision. I think this should be obvious.

I have no hate to Boat Guy, Rebecca’s whole thing with him was basically the plot of Before Sunrise + Before Sunset (all hail Richard Lanklater) if someone watched those movies and then tried condensing them into fifteen accumulated minutes of television

Keeley, Roy, Jamie… they did you three so fucking dirty my babes. Keeley you especially. I’m beyond disappointed, bordering on genuinely hurt, by how much they screwed up Keeley and all of her adjacent storylines this season.

I loved RoyKeeley so much in seasons 1 and 2, they had such a sweetness and a magic to them. There were so many elements like that to season 1 and 2 that I feel the writers gave up on in the name of growth or… honestly, at this point, I don’t know why they did this. Roy was a little insecure in seasons 1 and 2, but I never felt like he was needy. It felt so cruel to have shown us RoyKeeley in all of these moments of such stability, such healthiness, and such genuine love for so long and then rip it away for some version of Roy Kent that felt hollow, twisted, and who just Did Not Get It. It makes me so sad.

It makes me sad for Jamie too. Him falling for Keeley again was like the last thing I needed to see from his character. There’s so much else they could have done with him, and instead they took that beautiful moment of him being accountable and respectful with Keeley and the tape, and they turned it into something ugly: they had him weaponize it as a bargaining chip against Roy.

I don’t understand why they thought having our favs engaged in this very sexist outdated convo with such possessive language in the name of comedy was a good idea. I get it was poking fun at them but it was the kind of fun that shouldn’t have to be poked at by now. They’re not these men, I don’t recognize this version of them. It’s such a regression.

speaking of weird and uncomfortable shit being played off for laughs… beard and jane got married! ted wasn’t even there! she shredded his passport to keep him in captivity! how creepy! (see the joke is that they’re crazy and do toxic things to each other. you’re supposed to laugh.)

[ruthlesslistener]

Could you talk about the Shade Lord? Especially the apologist part, what needs apologising (genuine question)?

Oh the apologist part is just me joking about how I'd defend LOS no matter what they do, not necessarily because they actually did anything bad lol. And if they did, I'd fight for them all the same bc they're my little meow-meow and some murders are funny (there's a reason why my Destiny 2 sideblog is ahamkara-apologist, even though the Ahamkara as a race are vastly more problematic than the LOS- they're space dragons and I love them). Ofc, there's always those people who think that the Lord of Shades is some kind of evil entity unleashed by Ghost that'll bring about the ruin of Hallownest twice over (usually people who don't realize that the Lord of Shades is CONTROLLED by Ghost- it's the shades of all the dead vessels with Ghost as its Focus), but mostly its just bc I adore them. Though it does have the added bonus of pointing out that while I like the Pale King and the Radiance as characters, I'm ultimately sympathetic to the vessels the most, which is a core point in my ramblings that I fear often gets lost, especially when I get angry about the 'PK is a colonizer and the moth tribes/Radi were the natives he genocided take'- because idgaf about people hating PK, what I hate is how incorrect that was AS WELL AS how it ignores the fact that the Void Civilization came before the Radiance did, which always seems to be conveniently forgotten or brushed over in those arguments. The fact of the matter is that Radi and PK aren't the 'secret heroes' no matter how you spin it, they're monsters that abused, tortured, and manipulated the voidborn- aka Ghost, their siblings, and (maybe) those that used to worship their element. Sympathetic monsters, yes, monsters who are caught in a tragedy, but still monsters. It's the Void that's the victim, and I stand by that in its entirety. Every act of retribution was justified. Even them killing Godseeker- which is the argument some people use for them being evil- because why shouldn't they? She was awful to them, cruel and rude and scornful just like the Pale King was cruel and the Radiance was hateful. SHE was the reason why the Radiance grew in power to become Absolute Radiance. She deserved what she got, 100%. Ghost and their siblings endured a lifetime of torment from the moment they were hatched, they deserve EVERY little scrap of retribution they get- and they aren't monsters for lashing out at the ones who caused the pain in the first place. It's all justifiable

(Also, neither PK nor Radi are my favs. Hollow is, with their relationship to their siblings [specifically Hornet] being my fav dynamic. I only like to explore PK and Radi in depth because of their impact on Hollow's life. So needless to say I'm a void stan through and through, and since the Lord of Shades is all of them, it fits)

As for the Lord of Shades themselves! I think I already sort of covered why I love them so much just in the first two paragraphs- they are all the shades of the dead vessels poured into one entity, with Ghost as the Focus, and thus the Lord of Shades is in essence Ghost (and co, minus Hollow probably) in their ascendant form, as a true Higher Being. Which is in of itself a monumental feat for something that was hatched to die, a godling denied their deific status by beings who could not understand them as anything but death. They're vengence and defiance made manifest, and they were reformed into the shape they are now because they looked into the eyes of their creators and tormenters and said no more. The first step towards their creation, the catalyst for their metamorphasis, was turning the Kingsoul into the Voidheart- very literally rejecting the Pale King's edict and reforming it into a beacon of their own power, accepting their nature and defying their maker. They looked at the very soul of someone who had cast their eggs into the dark sea below, who hatched them into a graveyard and watched them die in the millions, who made them to be slaughtered for his own cause because he thought they as the voidborn were less than alive- and they said 'I reject you. I reject what you said to me. I reject what you represent. I reject your vision, the way you made me to be. I will forge my own path. I will make my own way. I will accept what I am and I will show you right now that I am alive, I am here, I am not heartless and I am not thoughtless. I am what I am. I am the Void. And I will do what I must to save the family that you left behind.'

AND THEY DID IT FOR THE LOVE OF THEIR SIBLING, they did it for the love of the Hollow Knight, who let them fall and left them to die when they were both just hatchlings, who they had no obligation to save and yet rushed back to do so anyways. And they soldiered on through impossible odds, through endless fights in life and dream all while a spiteful, hateful creature hissed at their worthlessness and empowered their worst enemy, so that they could destroy the Radiance in her entirety, before she could be brought back at the peak of her power. The entire REASON that they could become the Lord of Shades in the first place and WHY they achieved that metamorphasis was for the love of their family- and for a vengence long-overdue, to say 'enough, enough!' and end the torment that plagued their kind for so long for no other reason than the selfishness of other gods. Dream No More was a beautiful ending that encapsulated the vessels finally getting peace, but I love the Embrace the Void ending because to me it feels like Ghost (and the other vessels) are reclaiming what was rightfully theirs, by force, from the entities who subjugated them for so long, and taking their rightful place as the major god of Hallownest- a birthright stolen from them by the Radiance, and denied to them by the Pale Gods.

(Also you can very easily imagine the LOS as Ghost being essentially a streamer with the other vessels being their chat and I love that sm. The-Many-Who-Are-One. My beloveds)

So yeah, that's why I'm the Shade Lord apologist. I fucking love them. 1000000/10 god

[utilitycaster]

Sort of a distant tangent off my post about Ashton, but I'm growing more and more suspicious of the fandom claim that there's no time for small RP moments in Campaign 3. I do think that it's been challenging to get deeper party bonding or serious conversations that aren't about the big philosophical questions they're facing, since those do take much more time; but then I think about Calamity, or Candela Obscura. I can genuinely give you at least a couple paragraphs about pretty much every relationship in the two Circles, or in the Ring of Brass. I can also point to no shortage of small moments between characters in the Mighty Nein Aeor or Vox Machina Vecna endgame episodes, which were all extremely plot-heavy and fast-paced, and D20 consistently nails character relationships in a fraction of the time.

I think it really does come down to, as Brennan Lee Mulligan always says, the character creation phase. Laying down a solid groundwork in which everyone has a detailed, rich backstory and sense of personality and relationship history (in the case of characters who knew each other prior to the start of the series) is absolutely crucial, and even in the case of characters who don't know each other before going in, a good amount of time spent in character creation ensures that it's easier for them to develop those interpersonal relationships on the fly. I know in actual play there's some degree of finding the character as you play, but there are games for which there is a very short runway, and I don't think it ever hurts to do more extensive character prep than the bare minimum. And if there are gaps, I think it also helps to go back and fill those in mid-way, away from the table - Travis clarifying Chetney's backstory being a great example that allowed the history of Chetney and Deanna to feel realized and full, despite only a few episodes.

I'll also be blunt: most of the time when people complain that there aren't moments because the plot keeps moving...they're mad about shipping. Which has always rung hollow to me. It was a common complaint in C2, that no time was taken for character relationships, despite them taking an entire half of an episode for the Beauyasha date and despite no shortage of moments for all three of the other couples (and plenty of platonic moments between friends). The issue was never a lack of time; it was that the characters they wanted to talk to each other didn't actually have the relationship in canon that the fans had dreamed up, and so, when the chips were down, they went to other people.

It takes two seconds to say something like "I hold their hand", even in the middle of plot-heavy adventuring. If someone doesn't say it, it's rarely the GM rushing them; it's the player either choosing not to do so, or not remembering to do so, and either of those is quite revealing regarding how the player feels about that relationship and where it stands in their priorities.

[spookyspecterino]

Just finished the main quest for Starfield and I have many feelings. And those feelings are manifesting themselves into fic ideas.

I guess there isn't really a point to this post other than to get my feelings down in writing and see how it compares to everyone else's.

I've put them all below the cut for those who don't want spoilers.

Ok yeah.. so where do I even start?

The fact that you get split up from your followers and in the new universe everyone is kinda ??? about you. I get it, I do, but like... that hurts so much. I feel so empty. I spent hours and hours talking to them, doing their quests, getting to know them, and bonding--and poof, I'm alone in a universe where none of them are the same and I can't grow close to any of them again.

And at the end, in our original universe, Sam is encouraging us to go into the Unity even though he knows we probably won't end up together in the next universe... BETHESDA that's not ROMANTIC that's TRAGIC. It was like a gut punch hearing Sam say we would miss each other till the end of days but had to do this anyway--and then to say he's bringing CORA, too? HUH?? You're going to not only take her away from her mother and grandfather, but also throw a 12 y/o into a new universe ALONE???

Some things are going to change in my fics, I tell you what. All of it doesn't sit well with me.

And the absolute hollowness of the new universe!! A little bit into it and I'm sitting there going I WANT TO GO BACK, PLEASE LET ME GO BACK. It just feels like the whole thing is entirely NOT WORTH IT.

I've lost Sam, I've lost Cora, and all my other companions. The emotional disconnect from the new universe companions leaves a GIANT hole in my heart. I am hurting. What is the point??

All this has done is inspire me with the most heart-wrenching angst fics I've ever thought of, and to start the whole game over again. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED this game up until this point. And I like how they're trying to do this death/rebirth motif and the impact you the player has on your world. EXCEPT, if you want me to keep playing, the companions are a large part of what made the game good for me and everything after has felt oddly lazy--like they gave up trying to make the game unique and meaningful after. The 10 different NG+ differences are fine. But still empty, and you're left with busy work in the form of artifact collection. I really regret going to a new universe, but the whole game, and your followers, are all pushing you to do it--so the game is pushing you to do this, but for what? I was so excited for the possibilities for what comes next...but it fell so flat for me. At least I can channel this pain into writing fics.

...Ok, well... rant over. If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading this jumbled, emotional mess. This isn't meant to be a review either, just my perspective. So if you enjoyed this NG+ aspect, I'm genuinely happy for you. Let me know what your thoughts were on the end of the game, or if I've missed something crucial and I should keep going with my original character.

[zehecatl]

happy steam sale to all, here’s a 'little’ rec list for (primarily) indie games that, in my opinion, isn’t as popular as they deserve to be!

Ghostwire: Tokyo -60% the only triple a game you’ll see on this list, and my own all time personal favourite. if you like anime, japanese history and folklore, and bromance, you will very likely love this game. it also lets you explore Tokyo and pet the dogs! and cats! literally perfect game!!

Iconoclasts -70% i have been shilling this game, at every major steam sale, for pretty much four-five years. before Ghostwire, it was my all time favourite video game. it was in development, by one person, for around eight years. it is still, in my opinion, one of the most gorgeous pieces of pixel art in the whole damn medium. just. please check it out i beg

Angels of Death -40% rpgmaker game that absolutely excels at being a character driven story. it also got an anime adaptation? which i’ve actually never seen?? but if you grew up playing horror rpgmaker games, please do yourself a favour, and check this out. and if you didn’t- check it out anyway! it’s not super scary or anything, with a more psychological horror focus

Owlboy -65% tiny owl boy does his very best and will worm his way into your heart and then crush it because life is maybe a bit too cruel to him. also you can fly! did i mention you can fly??

Pony Island + The Hex -80% did you adore Inscryption? did you like the meta element? then oh boy, should you check out Daniel Mullins’ two former games! they’re good! probably has the same vibe as Inscryption! could not tell you i still have not played that thing! but these are both very good, and absolutely worth every cent

Underhero -70% it’s a bit rough around the edges, but man, this game has so much love put into it, and i think it deserves way more love than it got

My Friend Pedro -75% the action is definitely the high point here, but i have a personal soft spot for the lil’ bit of lore we do get. like, there is something there, and i want to dig my fingers in. also wacky banana is funny

Sayonara Wild Hearts -40% queer girls on motorcycles? in my rhythm game?? it’s more likely than you think!! (also, if you suck at rhythm games: me too, this is still worth picking up)

MO:Astray -50% the fact that seemingly no one on tumblr has played this... despite the fact that it feels like it’d be a right shoe in... criminal. there is a little CREACHUR! LOOK AT IT. IT IS A SLIME!!

The Messenger -75% i legit thought this game was way more popular than it, apparently, is, which i think just speaks volume of my opinion on it. it’s genuinely right up there with Shovel Knight as iconic retro throwbacks- plus! the devs are making THE most gorgeous indie rpgs, apparently set in the same universe. so that is another reason to check it out

This Strange Realm of Mine -90% an extremely weird little game that will likely not be for everyone, or even most people, but that i really liked. considering the price, i don’t really think there’s much to lose on buying this little gem

Darkside Detective -70% funny point & click game with very shipable protagonists! there’s also a ‘second season’ that i have not played (yet), but is very likely absolutely worth getting

Haiku, the Robot -33% it is, rather obviously, not as good as Hollow Knight, but if you’re suffering from ‘waiting for Silksong’, perhaps this little gem will tide you over

Transiruby -30% another small metroidvania! has really pretty pixel art, and is just a fun little time

Flynn, Son of Crimson -50% not what it was promised, but it’s a fun platformer with gorgeous pixel art, and a dog. it’s a good time, and isn’t that what we all want :]

Yomawari: Midnight Shadows -70% a cute horror game, with excellent enemy designs, and a whole town to explore. also the story is so good. i am still absolutely enamoured with this title. this is, technically, the 2nd in a series, but you can play the games standalone, and while i’m sure the 1st is just as good, i’ve only played this one. because priorities (also keep in mind!! that this is a horror game!!! i’d recommend looking up some trigger warnings, because, uh. horror game!)

A Short Hike -35% just an extremely cozy and fun little game. exploring every inch of this island was just such a good time, i still think extremely fondly of this title

Webbed -30% i am gently laying an hand on the shoulder of every bug enthusiastic on this website. you play as a spider. who is trying to get back her boyfriend from a bird. and there’s a really fun swinging mechanic. do you really need anything more?

Garden Story -60% i am once again shocked this game isn’t more popular. what do you mean a cozy adventure game with community restoration, foraging, and some fun combat with a grape protagonist isn’t one of the biggest sellers in cozy gaming spheres. there’s a frog. you can put on different hats. what else do you want!!

Donut County -70% funny little game about making holes and being a chaotic racoon. i have an extremely soft spot for the characters in this, i could not explain it <3

also Oxenfree is not on sale, but it’s cheap, and the sequel is dropping very soon! and you should absolutely check it out! because it’s really REALLY good!!

[wrenwreakinghavoc]

I would love to hear your thoughts on Nosk if you ever got the time to erite about it. Your artwork of it was a delight; I loved Ghost being lit up in orange. 10/10 lighting!

First of all - THANK YOU SM FOR THE COMPLIMENTS!! I haven't tried shading like this in. Months, like I said

Second of all

WELCOME TO MY PRESENTATION

(Also thanks for the excuse to draw my Vessel sona)

Don't get me wrong I don't hate Nosk, they're one of my favorite characters in Hollow Knight and media in general. I absolutely adore the concept behind them and the SUSPENSE through those tunnels leading to the big reveal still remains one of my favorite scenes to come back to in HK. The design and concept behind them is very neat and the overall feeling of that first time you enter the arena and see that cutscene is just. Wonderful.

That said, my issues are all about the actual fight. Specifically the attacks.

Nosk has arguably one of the most interesting buildups to a fight in HK, and is in one of the most creepy areas of the game, considering the arena and atmosphere of the fight too, I was expecting this to be a hard boss. I was expecting really difficult and potentially creepy attacks. The OST is one of the most anxiety inducing tracks in the game. Yet the entire fight just amounts to them.. running around? Occasionally jumping onto the ceiling? It feels like a rip off.

Nosk literally only has three attacks and they're all easy to dodge/cheese, if they were just small parts of the fight, it'd be fine, but instead 50% of the fight is just Nosk running across the arena, which is easy to dodge with or without the use of hiding under the platform(still one of the funniest ways to cheese a fight honestly).

Nosk has a bunch of hanging CORPSES in their den, so I thought that maybe they'd have a close up attack where if you got too close it'd trigger them swiping close range, kind of like this:

Extremely low budget explanation but STILL

The attack with screaming and the infection getting everywhere? NICE! Nosk on the ceiling shooting orange juice at you? GREAT! But the fact those are basically the only two good attacks in this fight with THREE really just. It weighs it down for me man.

By this point in the game(I mean I had to Google where Nosk was since I only saw art of them on my first playthrough since they're hidden), plenty of bosses had phases, too. I feel like the fight could've easily been more anxiety inducing if they had a few phases.

For example:

Phase one - same as current fight + close range attack

Phase two - running attack happens less, potential variations of other attacks, speed up things a bit

Phase three - more orange juice, maybe webs(since that's how the other creatures in the background appear to be captured), could potentially do some jumping version of the running attack(like jumping around the arena aggressively making them harder to do damage to without being hit)?

I'm obviously not a game designer, but I do like rambling about things and potential ideas that could happen to make things better.

The Nosk fight on its own isn't even terrible, it's just the fact that it doesn't live up to the buildup of the way to the fight and the cutscene in the beginning, let alone the absolute panic the OST makes me feel.

Oh and don't even get me STARTED on Winged Nosk. HOW DO YOU MAKE SOMETHING LESS TERRIFYING BY ADDING WINGS IM IN GENUINE SHOCK

I know I probably repeated myself a lot and this is very scattered, but I hope that you somehow enjoyed seeing me ramble aggressively about a fight in a silly bug game that I think has issues anyway.

In conclusion Nosk has an amazing concept, design, OST, atmosphere, and some alright attacks, but really could've benefitted from some more attacks/phases.

I wrote more about this fight than I did for my English essay on Thursday so I don't know what that says about me but do with that what you will

[lindalofbroome]

03 - Animal

'Clinks are always hungry. And what does one mouse more or less matter to you now? Soon you will be far away, and your clinks will have the whole of Fleet to themselves.' [FitzFee said.] 'True,' Nanion admitted. 'So the wheel turns full circle. Clinks were here long before humans were. Why, Fleet was built in this spot because of the fine chimneys the clink colony had hollowed from the rocks. They will be have the whole of Fleet to themselves.' 'No. They'll miss the warmth of your fires and the comfort of your scraps.' THE THREE DOORS The Golden Door Ch 15 Fleet

this was only supposed to be a cute lil clink doodle but it was late at night when i started so i fell down the rabbit hole on this one, so behold my madman scrawlings once more ( '')/

honestly not that really a creature artist so had a bit of a tough time, but i did some a bit of research into irl animals that i could draw inspiration from

i tried to find out if there was any rodent or even just a mammal that could burrow or dig through rock, to no avail. but! there are molluscs that do! they're called boring bivalves, and it did take me a moment to click that they mean "bivalves that bore into rock" and not "check out this absolute snoozefest of a sea creature" lmaoo but yeah. they produce an acid that erodes the rock below them and they basically drill down.

when i initially thought about the clinks and their tunnel colonies, my only ideas were that they did just dig with their claws through the rock and it was soft enough or their claws were hard enough or they were patient enough to get through; or they cast acid attack lol. i didn't really like the acid idea tbh because it felt kinda cheap i guess? but then i remembered the skimmer venom.

and it made me think a little. like maybe the venom is a more evolved, more intense version, or even the same just increased capacity of that acid?

i did struggle so much comprehending where the venom spur is though, and this has happened so many time smh. like i have no idea why but in my brain it has always been at like, the elbow??? i dont know why. maybe because sometimes dragons have spurs there. but it's never said that in the books obviously. and then when i went to check it said "above the claws" and i just genuinely have no idea what that's supposed to mean lmao. i ended up drawing inspiration from the platypus's own venom spur, which did end up looking like i gave skimmers a thumb which i was trying to avoid but it is what it is.

oh yeah i briefly wondered if they ever like collected any venom?? i dont remember it specifically. tallus and sholto do seem the type to have done so. if we go with this headcanon train of thought, then i suppose it could be used in construction or whatnot to remove stone obstructions or something ya know? or you know. kill someone. aNYWAY

last thing is that in my researching for burrowing rodents, i ended up choosing the prairie dog for a base on the clink design, no particular reason why.

anyway boy what a plot point damn read the three doors

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Cul-de-Sacs are Bad Writing

Ok, I have to be honest with y'all here. I didn't QUITE throw this book at the wall, but I WANTED TO. I don't know what HAPPENED with this book. ACOTAR was aggressively fine, if poorly paced and plotted, and ACOMAF was actually fun to read and enjoyable. Then we get to ACOWAR and the pacing and plotting problems are back with a goddamn vengeance, there are chapter cul-de-sacs that go nowhere and add nothing to the story or the character arcs, and SJM has this GODDAMN INFURIATING HABIT of just...picking up words that have specific meanings in specific contexts, going "that sounds cool" and dropping them places that make my extremely well-read, allusion-alert brain tweak in some extremely painful places because you can't just...APPROPRIATE WORDS LIKE "SERAPHIM" AND "MYRMIDONS" WITHOUT MEANINGFULLY RECONTEXTUALIZING THEM!!!! Not to mention that SJM murders the stakes of this book in their cradle. I swear to cauldron, this book was actually inexcusably bad. So let's talk A Court of Wings and Ruin.

So this is both your SPOILER WARNING and your heads up that this will be a RANT REVIEW. If you loved this book, this is not the review for you. Do not come crying to me that you weren't warned if you read past this point. This is also a CONTENT WARNING because there will be mentions and discussions of sexual assault because every SJM villain is also a rapist for SOME REASON.

I don't even know where to start with this book. I suppose...I suppose we could start with a few of the things I didn't hate. Oh, and the one thing I actually did like. That seems like a good way to begin.

The one thing about this book that I actually genuinely enjoyed was getting the foundation for Nessian. I was actually interested in Nesta's emotional journey because she had some goddamn agency in it. Like yes, she was yote into the cauldron against her will, but she never let go of her agency and she MADE it give her something in return. Like, yes girl, tell me more. Explore that. Dig in. And also, yes, I too am interested in the man-bunned jock who, when he is adulting, is a general and baddest bat boy on the battlefield. I enjoy their evolution from schoolyard hair pulling and insult slinging to actual partnership on and off the battlefield. I almost get a "he fell first, she fell harder" vibe from them, but their dynamics aren't fully cooked yet so don't quote me on that. Nessian was the best part of this book for me.

I also appreciated the setup and payoff of Nesta getting to absolutely annihilate the King of Hybern. There was something deeply satisfying about her taking his head off slowly and brutally for what he did to her and Elain. That was a great moment, even if the broader scene was in a part of the book where the stakes had long been dead and buried and the Nessian stakes in particular felt a little...hollow...as a result. Still loved the visceral, hands-on revenge murder for Nesta. Why yes, I did major in early modern drama and yes, I do have a thing for revenge tragedies. What gave me away?

Finally, can we PLEASE give Nesta the goddamn credit she deserves for single-handedly saving the High Lords alliance meeting? Because Feyre fucking blew it. She fireballed and everyone was about to bail and Nesta single-handedly saved the damn meeting through sheer force of personality. Girl understood the stakes and was the only one in the room who managed to get past the petty political and emotional bullshit and keep that big picture in mind. Nesta is a queen in her own right and frankly? She's a better Rhys than Rhys is in terms of actually trying to create a better world.

Sadly, we must now move on from the things I liked to the things I didn't hate. And there were actually a few, although they're more moments and little pieces of themes and character than actual themes and character arcs, because this book does actual themes and character arcs TERRIBLY. But. I didn't actually hate Amren getting to be high fae at the end of the book. Amren's whole deal was that she had to choose to be someone else to get out of the prison, and in the years she has BEEN Amren, I think she discovered that she really likes being Amren. The fact that she gets to be high fae Amren at the end of the book, that she gets to be the person she chose and likes? I can't not get behind that. The way we got there was inexcusably monster ex machina and SJM leaned WAY too hard on resurrections (Not even joking, when I was reading this, I live-reacted at my sister going "WTF AMREN!!" and her response was literally "give it five minutes, she'll be back".) in this book, but the core of "Amren gets to be the person she chose and liked" was good. I didn't hate that.

This might seem petty, but another thing I didn't hate was Feyre constantly crashing into trees, walls, and the ground while learning to fly. Some of these moments were genuinely comedic, some of them were nice little arrogance takedowns, and sometimes it was really just nice to see Feyre hit a hard surface at speed because lord knows I wanted to fling objects at her more than a few times this book. The pitfalls of learning to fly also felt real, grounded, and appropriately frustrating, so I didn't hate those scenes.

I also can't say I hated Feyre systematically dismantling both Ianthe's and Tamlin's credibility in the Spring Court. Was it shortsighted and ultimately counter to the larger goals of the book? God yes. Was it petty AF? Hell yes. Was it really straining the credibility of Feyre as "the people's hero"? YOU FUCKING BET YOUR ASS IT WAS. But all of that said...my God it was satisfying to watch Feyre show back up to the Spring Court and take it apart piece by piece. It's wildly unfair to Tamlin, but SJM seems to have appointed this poor 20-something with generational and personal trauma, leadership responsibility, no experience and no help as the series punching bag, and I can't fix that. All I can do is enjoy the petty assholery of Feyre taking his entire world apart (and shooting herself in the foot as she does so). (I was less enamored of Feyre beating Ianthe's hands into pulp instead of killing her. I am aware it was for plot reasons, but that was possibly the dumbest decision she could have made.) So while the early chapters of the book were objectively a Tamlin character assassination, those early chapters paced decently well and were fun in a petty, set-it-on-fire-to-watch-it-burn kind of way.

Another thing I super did not hate was Lucien. Lucien has always been an interesting character, and he shows himself to be capable of critical thought in this book, which we love to see! Then of course SJM writes him out for 85% of the book, so there's not a lot of time and space to love him.

Ooh, I also liked Bryaxis. Cool idea, great vibes, and I'm very much here for Feyre STILL NOT BEING ABLE TO INTERNALIZE NOT MAKING DEALS WITH FAE OR ELDRITCH HORRORS. Like...girl. You were warned multiple times, but now you have shadow kitty wanting pets. Did not hate anything about that.

Which...I think rather takes us to the end of the things I didn't hate about this book. Yikes, that is a short list. So if you're a Feysand stan or adored this book and somehow made it this far, I am going to respectfully suggest bailing now. I did not enjoy the rest of this book, and I'm going to explain why. If you're cool with that, we love to have you. If not, we will catch you next time.

For everyone who is still here, let's dive into ALL THE THINGS ABOUT THIS BOOK THAT WERE INEXCUSABLY BAD. And we're going to have to start with Rhysand, because dear god, what the hell happened. (And yes, I ended that sentence with a period. That sentence doesn't deserve a question mark.)

I thoroughly enjoyed cocky asshole Under-the-Mountain Rhys. He was a dick, he knew it, but he also had a sense of...idk, almost fair play that worked for him. I also am a big proponent of if you're going to write a cocky asshole, they better ENJOY that shit. "Hello Feyre, darling" was an A+ moment. It was the epitome of cocky asshole who knows he's a cocky asshole and enjoys it. I was tentatively on board with secret feminist Rhys in ACOMAF, but then we get to this book, and I just straight-up could not with traumatized bat bitch who was willing to completely toss his ideals out the window and retraumatize his found family for...reasons. In no particular order, these are the things I took issue with where Rhys was concerned:

Repeatedly traumatizing Mor and then INVALIDATING her very reasonable responses to him full-on not giving a fuck if the Darkbringer legion raped and pillaged their way across a battlefield, bringing Eris Vanserra into a meeting without warning her, opening Velaris to the night court, and invalidating her (heavily implied to be) sexual trauma and abuse by saying he'd have worked with Amarantha so she should work with whoever he tells her to. Like...holy shit Rhys, you say you're over here to help women recover and heal from these kinds of traumas, so WHAT THE HELL IS MOR TO YOU? All of this was shitty and Mor lets him off the hook way, way too easily. I'm not going to, though. Rhys was actively playing "my trauma was worse than yours" with Mor and that's a SHITTY thing to do to literal family--both blood and chosen.

Rhys letting Feyre off the hook for invading Lucien's mind. Let's be super real here: Feyre has been kind of a bad friend to Lucien from minute one. She has no boundaries, no ethics, and is possibly the worst person to have her particular set of powers. But it's not like she's getting EFFECTIVE HELP AND GUIDANCE from the one other person with that particular skill. She apologized to RHYS about it and he accepted the apology and told her she wouldn't cross the line again. Like...Sir. That was LUCIEN'S APOLOGY to either accept or reject, and I no longer love that you don't have ethics around this power use either. Shaky magical ethics are NOT GOOD. Adhere to them or don't, as is appropriate for a character, but like...have them well-established and strong. (It is possible I read Arrows of the Queen at too formative an age, but y'know, magical ethics are a thing I think about!)

Rhys's self-sacrifice obsession. This is one of those "your mileage may vary" things, but it absolutely did not work for me as a reader. I am too steeped in the "Dying for people is easy, it lets you off the hook" mentality to appreciate Rhys over here constantly going "If there is a price, I will pay it with my life." It also made fixing the cauldron REALLY fucking frustrating for me, because they had the five minutes to get the rest of the inner circle over there (or literally any of the other high lords or people with magic) to help. There was also an opportunity for a found family save, with Rhys going for the sacrifice play and the fam going "Hell no." But no, we had to LIE TO OUR WIFE and DIE. For all of about five minutes before we do a Twilight where "OH-EM-GEE FEYRE NOW YOU TRULY UNDERSTAND HOW I FELT UNDER THE MOUNTAIN" because apparently empathy isn't something Feyre is capable of...? I keep getting told not to try to logic this book, but some of this just defies even vibe reading, you guys.

I found Rhys a STRUGGLE and deeply unsympathetic this book despite a tragic backstory that should have done a lot of heavy lifting. Like, he's had some genuinely harrowing and traumatizing experiences. But then he invalidates other people's trauma and is super willing to INFLICT it on people. And he's not even got the courtesy to ENJOY it, so then I'm just over here drowning in angsty man pain that is in no small part of his own making...like there were moments I genuinely went "Did Rhys and Harry Dresden go to the same school of man pain?" I lack patience for this kind of non-self-reflective nonsense these days. I understand being protective of family and wanting your family to be ok, but Rhys gets smothery and toxic in ways that I am not here for.

Since a fair amount of my issues with Rhys are how he treats Mor, I think that makes for a decent segue into my issues with how Mor is handled. These come in two somewhat intertwined branches. The first is Mor's treatment of Nesta. The second is how SJM handles Mor's sexuality.

I'm going to say right here and right now, these books were DYING for LGBTQIA+ representation. These books are SO heteronormative, and adding representation would have been lovely...except that I would argue that the rep was handled poorly, leaned into harmful stereotypes, and poked holes in both Mor's characterization and the narrative structure of the book. I'm not here to disbelieve Mor when she says she prefers women, but finds pleasure with both men and women. I believe Mor. What I do think is that SJM coded Mor as straight for two and a half books, and that last-second pivot does a couple of things.

First, it calls Morrigan into question as a reliable narrator out of absolutely nowhere. Nowhere in ACOTAR or ACOMAF do we get a sense that Mor is an unreliable narrator. She has her perspective and biases, as any character does, but nowhere do we get the sense that she is hiding anything or lying. The inner circle TRUSTS her, that is established and shown. To suddenly have her go "Yeah, I've been lying to Cassian and Azriel for 500 years, and every time Azriel gets too clingy I sleep with a man where he can see to remind him to back off" is deeply toxic and this is sort of...never addressed? Not to mention that until this point, I had read Mor's leaning into open sexuality as a way to take agency and control after what her family did to her, and the reveal that she's bi kind of changes that into the "promiscuous bisexual who is often toxic" stereotype, which like...HATE THAT for Mor. The writing directly undercut something I was reading as strength and made it stereotype-y and toxic, and I hate that. And the book doesn't even address it! I could see a plotline in which Mor recognizing and addressing this toxicity and evolving herself and her relationships with the inner circle to a point where she is out, happy, healthy, and supported, and her boys are just happy she trusts them enough to be her whole self with them, but the book doesn't do that. It just reiterates stereotypes and keeps Mor with one foot in the closet and one foot out of it. LET MORRIGAN BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND HER WHOLE SELF!!!

And for the love of god have her stop actively being nasty and aggressive at Nesta over Nesta's interest in Cassian. That was uncalled for on every possible level. Before we get the bi reveal, it was the tired, toxic, girls fighting over a man thing. Afterward, it's another really ugly layer of Mor trying to keep Cassian trapped as a permanent buffer between her and Azriel. Literally nothing about this dynamic is good, but again, the book just kind of...presents it and does nothing with it. And I really don't love that because the potential for strong communication and growth in the inner circle dynamics was THERE and it was INTERESTING and then it was SQUANDERED in favor of the Feysand show. And it's not like there are any other characters to give another perspective on this--we just have Helion who also falls into that bisexual stereotype. So I would have loved some more representation here, but the representation we got was...not ideal.

I also have a bit of a bone to pick with the Illyrian wings. They got SO SET UP as delicate and difficult to fix if you fuck them up. But then all three of our bat boys have them absolutely shredded in this book and like...it's not fun but it's also not given the weight I'd have expected from how they were built up in ACOMAF.

We cannot talk about this book without also talking a little bit about the bigass High Lords Alliance Meeting. This thing got SO HYPED in the first half of this book. Like it was constantly being talked about, planned, and reiterated in terms of its importance. I was expecting an actual discussion about politics and alliances and the practicalities of working together to defeat Hybern. And in SJM's defense...we do get a little bit of that. But MOSTLY what we get is high-school level sniping, aggravated assault, and FEYRE FUCKING FIREBALLS BERON. Which pretty much could have torpedoed the meeting except for Nesta. NGL y'all, I was SO LET DOWN by this whole series of chapters. But at least these chapters had actual effects on the story...unlike the next bunch of scenes and chapters.

The latter half of this book, and particularly once the war gets going properly, this book is FULL TO THE GODDAMN BRIM of cul-de-sac scenes and chapters that go nowhere and affect the status quo not at all. Big standout examples of this include Elain getting kidnapped by Hybern and Rhys being dead for like five minutes.

Elain getting kidnapped by Hybern was literally just payoff for Feyre's flying lessons. Which didn't end up mattering anywhere else. Az and Feyre do a quickie side quest to rescue Elain and some random girl and Az gets his wings shredded, but it's ok, they have healers and he can *checks notes* MAGICALLY PATCH WOUNDS LONG ENOUGH TO GET BACK. Sure. Whatever. At this point I didn't even care, nothing mattered and there were no stakes. They get Elain back. It's fine.

Rhys was dead for less than ten minutes. Holly Goddamn Short could have brought him back easier than she brought Butler back. And it's not like we genuinely thought that Rhys was going to die after all that, this isn't that kind of book. Literally I'm so pissed off though, because SJM full-on did the whole, "Now you know what I went through when you died under the mountain, Feyre" thing. Like...is empathy not one of her skills? Or is Rhys so insecure that he can't imagine empathy without a 1:1 experience relationship? I hated this so much because it was dumb, it isn't how EMOTIONS work, and frankly? Why didn't Rhys want to SPARE her that experience? Because it sounded like it sucked.

I also need to address the Jurian/Mirayam/Drakon/Seraphim thing. It was underdeveloped as hell, doesn't come to a satisfying ending, and "OOPSIE POOPSIE OUR SHIELDS DON'T HAVE FRIEND FILTERS" so they were exactly where they were meant to be the whole damn time was fucking infuriating. This either needed development or to be left in draft, and at this point I don't care which.

Finally, the end of this book just felt limp. We half-assedly attempted to get everyone to renegotiate the treaty, and then went back to Velaris and broke out the good stuff. It is possibly the limpest ending I've read in a longass time.

This book didn't need to be this long. There was too much padding and not enough development, and a lot of it was just infuriating. The Mirror of Ouroboros was super underdeveloped, the character dynamics got driven into the ground, and the writing was deeply problematic on a bunch of technical levels. I have NOT forgiven the use of "twisted" or "Seraphim" or "Myrmidon" wildly out of context. These terms do not just...decouple from their connotations and contexts because SJM think they sound cool and yeet them at a book. The truly infuriating thing was the squandered potential after ACOMAF, because I genuinely enjoyed that book. I can't say the same of ACOWAR.

[biblionerd07]

I have a lot of gripes with the last two seasons of Shameless (and I know I’ve been complaining a lot lmao) but one of the worst offenses, to me, is the way they refused to let any of the characters acknowledge their own histories. Nothing from previous seasons was allowed to carry over, for whatever reason. And it bothered me the most with Terry Milkovich. (I’m putting this under a cut because it turned into a damn essay lol)

They defanged Terry. They turned him into comic relief and had both Ian and Mickey turning to him for advice. ADVICE???? It did Mickey’s growth through the show SUCH disservice. There was some quote from Wells (😡😡😡 a thousand curses upon his name) about how they did it on purpose because we should all laugh at homophobes to show them their views are stupid or something like that. And like, okay I guess? That is such a straight guy stance. Maybe that works when the homophobe in question is some harmless stranger who has no effect on your life and their views are like the water turning the frogs gay.

But Terry was not that kind of homophobe. Terry was a very real type, whose abuse shaped every part of who Mickey was. Turning him into comic relief made it seem like Mickey’s fear was over the top and he was just paranoid. But when Terry walked in on Ian and Mickey, he physically assaulted them and used corrective rape by proxy. Mickey’s fears were EXTREMELY founded.

That was the crux of Mickey’s character and his development! That even with all of this terror and self-loathing and abuse, he was slowly opening himself up and not only learning to give Ian his love but to accept love. Mickey’s bravery was such a key element of his character! We knew what kind of abuse he’d been subject to, so every tiny, halting step forward made us cheer for him. Turning that into comic relief was an absolute slap in the face after that journey they’d taken him on. (And they were sure as hell happy to remember it when they were getting awards from queer outlets and using it for promo, weren’t they? 😒)

Mickey’s speech before the wedding about Terry always winning was so much more hollow than it should’ve been because for some reason they wouldn’t let him talk about his worst offenses. Having Mickey talk about Terry stealing Halloween candy and Christmas presents and ignoring the rape and abuse was genuinely bizarre. (And bless Noel, who gave his everything and made that even slightly impactful.)

I liked that Mickey was extremely defeatist in that scene. That would absolutely be his mindset! For his entire life, Terry wins. Terry gets what he wants and hurts who he wants and no one stops him. Everyone around the neighborhood (and the cops) knew exactly what Terry was like. There were always other adults hanging around. And no one ever stopped him from abusing those kids. Mandy scoffs and laughs about Terry pistol-whipping Mickey. (ZERO hate to Mandy on this, because all of this is her reality too, and she didn’t even know the whole story.) No one has ever stood up for Mickey against Terry.

Until Ian. I cannot ever get the scene in the Alibi out of my head. There’s an entire bar full of people who are seeing this happening and nobody does anything. Mickey’s right back where he’s always been, on the ground under Terry’s fists, and everyone is just grabbing their drinks and getting out of the way.

But not Ian. Ian (who, it should be noted, is also still a teenager here) pulls Terry off Mickey and fights back. This is very likely the first time in Mickey’s entire life that anyone has ever defended him against Terry.

And now he’s finally supposed to be happy with Ian in such a “normal”, tangible way, and here comes Terry to take it away. Of course. Mickey can’t even be surprised by this. It’s the way the world works. He says there’s no point in trying to find a new venue until they address the root of the problem and kill Terry.

But allllll of this hinges on us as the audience remembering what Terry’s done without a refresher, because for whatever reason, they refuse to let the characters connect to their own pasts in ways that would enrich the story they’re trying to tell. It’s such bad writing and I can’t fathom any reason for it.