#i actually did have some yesterday but i deleted it before i ever posted it

[djxiao]

I always go to ur blog first when I open tumblr. disappointed that I didn't see any tea today ://

you read my blog like it’s the morning paper i’m honored 😭 sorry for the lack of tea i promise to do better

[sechsviciado]

when doves cry

reaperken/touka ; written circa nov/dec 2022

no warnings or ratings really?

-

so after my slight reaperken/touka rambling yesterday i figured that i really have nothing to lose from posting this small snippet of a fic (oneshot??) thats been sitting in my google drafts for nearly the past two years; if this is crappy i can always just delete it but ive wanted to contribute a bit more to keep tokyo ghoul tumblr alive so i figure why not?

i felt so smart when i came up with the title since ken was a dove during that entire reaper arc until the events of cochlea. i didnt really pay attention to prince's lyrics in the song but looking back at it now i guess some apply? not really any inspiration was gained from it though, i just grew up with music from the 60s-90s so the title kind of came to my mind and it happened to be a prince reference. not really any ratings or warnings yet?? its nowhere near finished and im not sure if ill even finish it because i feel my writing heavily lacks.

anyway, without further ado

how many months had it been?

it had been months — years — since he recalled feeling this exact way. of course, haise had felt this way too, but it would never compare to the feelings he had for her before that brief period of time where he had lost recognition of everything and everyone who once meant something to him. ironically, it's when he felt most at peace with the butterflies in his stomach, beating against his rib cage and the cage surrounding the longing which could never be released. he’s regained his memories now, but he knew something was different within him even when he laid his glassy eyes on her again on that first visit to :re as sasaki haise. why did he feel so entrapped and yet so wrongly distant even when he had no recollection of her prior on that first visit to the cafe?

it would never be the same.

it would never compare to the feeling of falling in love with her and the realization that came with it. the realization that left him in a state of both a mix of surprise and agitation for days and with a feeling that could only be described as his heart skipping a beat and yet crumbling at the same time. it would never happen, would it? he had chosen to face that reality when he was still his old self, naive and too ashamed of his actions to actually face her after all the pain he caused her as a result of the pain which engulfed his entire life, too. too ashamed to accept his new reality, hiding behind his eyepatch — too ashamed to admit he had fallen in love so easily. he wasn't any different now.

haise may have fallen in love with her through the lens of a reborn figure with a fresh start and no boundaries to stand behind (apart from his obvious shyness and the weird sense of familiarity), but it just occurred by fate. the same fate that had snatched him from her years prior had found a way to bring him back into her arms and make him belong to her once again. he can't help but believe that maybe there was some future destined between them; the embittered part of his heart and soul makes him realize even that destiny would probably be cursed or filled with further strife.

though he supposed that didn't matter now.

not when he was even more distant from her than when he was an amnesiac with no recollection of her apart from the same old feeling of confusing comfort and longing. it's humorous and yet painful to think about how low he'd fallen in this aspect, not even being able to face her once again. despite his older age, he was still just a boy when it came to this same ancient rush, wasn't he? it doesn't matter. she surely didn't want anything to do with him anyways, especially not after everything that he's done. he's betrayed her and everyone who was once a part of him once again, and he’s chosen to accept that painful reality ever since he vowed to stop dreaming and flung tsukiyama off that building. facades all break down eventually.

though he supposed that didn't matter now, either.

he’d be disposed of soon enough before any of this could matter at all — before hinami was to be the one to disappear from the purgatory that was life as a ghoul. there was no heaven and there was no hell; there was no afterlife. heaven was bliss and safety on earth while hell was anguish and pain.

it was selfish of him to hope touka would feel any sort of pain after all of the grief and rage he's put her through time and time again, but he hoped he'd at least be remembered by the person he felt he loved most in this lifetime — the one who hadn't thrown him aside but who had instead built a nest for him as if though her life depended on it. he can't help but wonder… he’s had everyone he's ever known and cared for snatched from his hands by the same twisted fate that led him to await his upcoming death, he doesn't know if the puddle of both coldness and warmth in his stomach is either fear or love.

he'd truly cherish any memory he had of her before he’d be killed.

he vaguely remembers telling her, years ago, that he'd be sad if she died; he just hopes she would be saddened at his death, too.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

it's hard to imagine that if they actually dated she would be posting bts content from 2020 to prove it. like she would have to have something she took herself. she has been stoking these rumors for years and she has yet to show something that proves they have ever even met irl. i hope the rumor that he moved out before enlisting is true because this is getting old.

"she has been stoking these rumors for years and she has yet to show something that proves they have ever even met irl." Exactly, yeah.

There was someone yesterday or the day before who sent an ask arguing in favor of every story she posted the other day and how she couldn't have possibly gotten those from anywhere else when she very much could've. All I'm gonna say is people have literally worn Jimin's fake love outfits because somehow fans got a hold of it, and someone was able to get his mail from BTS own home. Also, when that guy posted the heart jikook photo and some other Jimin photo from Japan in like 2018/2019, everyone immediately and unanimously agreed that he couldn't possibly be their friend anymore because if he was he wouldn't have posted those photos. And I agreed with that because I've also seen how Jimin seems to handle his personal relationships and to keep their exposure to a minimum. We don't even see social media posts with sungwoon or saeon who are also somewhat public figures.

But I really don't care about "debunking" any of it, I think the back and forth between "this is legit proof" and "that isn't legit proof" is stupid and annoying.

I've been told before stuff like why do you get so defensive about it but it's not defensiveness. It's annoyance because I really seriously geniunely don't care if it's real or not, and it's annoying that people want me so bad to care. Like why does it matter??? I don't have that parasocial of a relationship with Jimin, but have those anons stopped to think they might have a parasocial relationship with ME? Because I really can't understand why they want me to care so bad.

Last December, I was on holidays right, and I sleep with my phone next to my bed and the phone vibrated like three or four times in a row and it woke me up (I have really light sleep). I checked it and it was just before 7am and the phone had been vibrating because of tumblr notifications. I opened them and it was I SWEAR like 3 or 4 messages recounting every single instagram story the actress had ever posted or some shit. I blocked that anon immediately. Nothing had even happened!!!! That person just felt like obsessing over this woman's instagram and that was it. So they had to come and give me all their "proof" and accusing me for not believing in it.

I've also realized how much ammo she gets by doing these slight, sneaky """reveals""" because it's actually what gets people talking more than they would if she just posted a photo of Jimin sitting on the toilet. People post her stories, then go check them, then check her comments, a couple of hours later they check to see if she's deleted them, etc etc. All while others on twitter were sharing the stories left and right and comparing it with the bangtan bomb and trying to decipher if it was really Jimin behind that flower emoji.

So, yeah that's really it. Also not directed to you, but to some other people. Don't ask me or expect me to care... I might've cared years ago when I still believed Jimin and Jungkook were a thing but I've been saying more like two years already that they're not fucking each other, so there's literally no reason at all for Jimin dating to ever affect me. And even when I did believe they were fooling around, I never ever said "they're totally in a committed exclusive real relationship and have been married since 2015" because I've never believed that.

I've been a fan of Harry Styles since I was 15 years old and it has never bothered me to see him making out in public with the whole lineup of Victoria Secret's models because I've just never been that person. So even if it wasn't the reaction people expected me to have, you're just gonna have to believe me when I say Jimin dating rumours do not bother me.

Lastly and I really doubt I'll be addressing this topic again unless something really significant happens, there really isn't necessary "proof" for me to take this seriously. I just don't have enough information to believe in this rumour and that's just it. I'm not going to be thinking harder and trying to connect barely-there dots for someone else. If there is something there, or there was at some point in the past, I'm gonna need taennie level of proof.

[fourseasonsfigs]

Summer Together

In celebration of the 4th anniversary of the Hengdian Fanmeet on 7/18, we have this adorable pair!

The inspiration for these figs is of course the photoshoot with Zhehan in his Fendi outfit:

The beautiful rose. Zhehan posted all the shots from the photoshoot on his Weibo account:

And then later deleted it, because some of his fans were fussing about Gong Jun being in his picture, but other fans saved it! The translation (MTL) says,

Goodnight Hengdian It's him, the boy wearing the flower

Of course, in this photoshoot, Gong Jun is not wearing a matching Fendi outfit, he's wearing this black outfit.

However, we do have a picture of him wearing the same type of Fendi outfit, which is what the fig maker used to model his fig:

In order to celebrate the anniversary, lets also have a video from the fanmeet:

They look so happy - I love their smiles.

I got lucky with these figs sailing through their voyage from China to the US - you'll see later how delicate Zhehan's rose is.

Since the boys are wearing white, I decided to take pictures on a tan background for the best contrast.

So cute. This is a nice shot of the similarities and differences in their Fendi outfits. I like that they're not wearing the exact same outfit, but the same style.

You can see here how delicate Zhehan's rose stem here! I was so glad this arrived intact. I didn't even bother trying to see if these two would stand on their own - as soon as I saw that rose I immediately glued Zhehan to the base. No falling down and damaging the rose!

The fig maker did a nice subtle job modeling the different head shapes of the two of them - we get Zhehan's more rounded head and the slight slope of Junjun's. You can see it a little more clearly in this photo of them:

Gong Jun's head is actually not quite this sloped, his hair cut and styling is exaggerating it here, but they definitely have different physiognomy. As two different people would! Interestingly enough, this head shaping is not actually uncommon to see in figs of the two of them together. I don't think I've mentioned it in my posts before, but you'll certainly see this head modeling on Junjun fairly frequently.

Of course, Zhehan's often longer hair tends towards all kinds of different (and fun) fig stylings!

Yeesh that flower stem. Still a miracle it made it through.

Their heads look great! The fig maker really brought out the long shaggy look of Zhehan's hair. I wish we had gotten his little tiny ponytail, only because his ponytails are a favorite of mine, but honestly his ponytail is really only visible for a few seconds in the videos from the fanmeet.

Junjun's pose here is so cute!

I really love their brown and amber eyes, they look beautiful and warm.

Well, you know I was so nervous about Zhehan's delicate rose (keep in mind, I photographed this set right after I accidentally snapped off Gong Jun's feather quill from yesterday's Breaking Dawn fig), that I immediately rushed to glue them to their stands. I completely forgot to take my regular bottoms-up pic before the glue. So, you're unfortunately getting the pics through the prism of China's finest acrylic rounds.

Gosh. Better late and poor quality than never (no one ever said)!

The quality on these figs is stellar - sharp details on the clothing, the beautiful rose, really nice posing, and well rendered faces.

So much care taken, even on the parts of their hair!

So nice to get box cards! We have Zhehan and Gong Jun's name on each of their cards, respectively, and the name of the figs, Summer Together.

Material: Resin and a rose

Fig Count: (+2) 527

Scene Count: 38

Rating: Happy 4th Anniversary!

[link to the Master Post Index]

[thursdayinspace]

20 questions for 20 writers

tagged by @thatfragilecapricorn30 @randomfoggytiger and @baronessblixen thank you!! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 21

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 70.063 -- this is my new AO3, so that's why it's still so low, haha.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Only X-Files now.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? spectacular (glasses sex!), it's the day the world didn't end, from this morning forward (that makes me so happy), got you covered, wild side

5. Do you respond to comments? yes. if I ever don't, I'm sorry, it's not because i didn't love your comment, but i just don't get around to it right away sometimes. but i try to reply to every single one because i love them all.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ohhh. i don't write super angsty endings . . . I guess mend into pieces bc it's season 2 and they know they're making a mistake, but we all know they'll figure it out eventually, so.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? they pretty much all end happily. i'm going to more or less randomly pick five ways to say i love you. because i loved writing that ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? so, okay. there are two stories here i want to tell from an old fandom. one is funny. one is kind of great, really?

the funny one: i got a looooong comment on a fic, like several paragraphs long, going into great detail about why the fic sucked and why i sucked and why i had personally offended them by writing fic at all. they obvs meant to comment anonymously but forgot to log out. by the time i got to my computer, they had deleted their entire account. of course i had their name in the ao3 email. i laughed so hard at that.

the kind of amazing one: i got a very rude anon on tumblr, and i responded by saying i'd be happy to discuss their criticism, but i wasn't going to have a conversation with a hockey puck with sunglasses, and asked them to come off anon so we could talk. and they did! they showed up in my dms a short while later. we solved nothing and did not part as friends, but i actually have mad respect for that. wherever they are today, i hope they have taken some anger management classes and are doing well!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yeah, i certainly do. idk what kind? the porny kind? lol no i mean it's kind of lame but fun.

10. Do you write crossovers? i wrote a stargate atlantis/firefly crossover centuries ago but that was it. or maybe start trek with sth else, i don't remember.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? i don't think so, no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes! it's so much fun and i would do it again.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? mulder and scully!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i plan to finish all of them.

16. What are your writing strengths? it used to be dialogue but i don't think it is anymore. idk? i think i can create an atmosphere?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i tend to repeat myself a lot and then skip over other things completely. i'm not good with transitions between scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i haven't done it, but if it would make sense for a fic, i might do it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? stargate atlantis. i was very late to the fanfic party.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? it's called 'ellipsis' and is still with the beta. but of the ones i've already posted, either from this morning forward or yesterday's future.

Randomfoggytiger added additional questions:

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life? i mean it's a hobby but it's definitely also a way of life. there isn't ever a time when i don't think about writing and everything all the time connects in some way to a thing i'm writing and i can't imagine what i'd do without writing.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript? completed manuscript! or notes? uhh . . . both?

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration? everything. random things. i can't think of one specific thing, it can be literally anything.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing? both thoughts are equally awful lol

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective? yeah, i think so. not in any big way, but about smaller stuff, just the way i look at certain things? yes.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN? ao3!!! my tinkerbell brain loves the comment section, haha. also it's just so much nicer to read on ao3 and there's the download option, so also as a reader, def ao3.

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it? 70.063 - no, i'm not satisfied with it. i used to write multi-chapters with more words. but it's a new account so yeah starting small again.

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably? jasper fforde's 'thursday next' series. it's where i stole my name from. literary detectives? oh man. it's the kind of story where you wish you'd had the idea first. go read it!!!!!

9. What's the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it? i am really really lucky to have been given so many amazing compliments and i appreciate every single one. i couldn't say what means the most to me . . . probably when it's personal to the commenter? when someone tells me sth i've written touched them in some way. bc that's what i want to achieve.

10. What defines your writing style? lol idek man pretentious purple prose? i think i live somewhere between overuse of metaphors and focus on the rhythm of a text. i love writing in english bc it flows so nicely. idk is trying to make it sound nice a style bc then that's at least what i'm going for.

who hasn't been tagged? no pressure tags for @backintimeforstuff @nachosncheezies @actual-changeling and everybody else who wants to!

[bomberqueen17]

huh if you start to write a title in a post and then delete what you've typed you remove the ability to put a title onto your post at all, in the New Post Editor, so that's bizarre and stupid. Love this hellsite.

Anyway

I was just going to post that I am SLEEPING in the CABIN! I have a nicer propane heater, though still not The Nice One that's out here but not hooked up, and I have pulled my bedding out and I am going to go ahead and make myself a nest but i have to nerve myself up to 1) change into my jammies and 2) go up the rickety ladder before I can make a nest and sleep in it. so like. getting there.

but i'm in the cabin!!!

it's got some mouse poop and some chewing of weird random shit but nothing i actually love seems to have gotten moused?? cautiously pumped. Unfortunately I achieved this with dryer sheets, which mice hate, and which I also dislike, so the smell is not great but it's only in you know, all my bedding and whatnot. but that's fine i can air that out. the cabin itself smells like unfinished pine, which is a lovely state of being.

I'm leaving for Buffalo tomorrow but first i have like. Twelve hours of work to do so we'll see how that goes. We made chicken sausage on Thursday/Friday/Saturday last week, and then yesterday, today, and tomorrow we're doing pork sausage, and we've done heroic work the last two days but there's still a lot to do. As ever.

Have i achieved any writing? no. boo. but i did finish a garment, a kind of work smock thing, so that's something at least.

[lunaneko14]

Did you hear about this from the entertainment news yesterday? (Yesterday being 10/17/23 at this point, in case you don't see this right away). Holy crap Justin Timberlake is one of the most despicable men in modern history (notice I said "one of", I'm fully aware that there are other disgusting men, and worse men, who came before and after him). Knocks up Britney Spears, tells her to get an abortion because he's not ready to be a dad even though she made it clear that she didn't want to abort the fetus... but afterwards, he publicly drags her name through the mud numerous times over several years, publicly brags about taking her virginity, publicly slut shames her and makes himself look like a saint when he goes solo... Fuck Justin Timberlake.

I mean, I already knew he was complete trash in 2004 after he let poor Janet Jackson take the full brunt of the bullshit from the wardrobe malfunction and he got off scot-free, and that alone made me regret ever being just a casual fan of *NSYNC, and converted me into an anti-Justin person (I was a 7th grader when it happened, but dammit even at 12 years old I had standards). But goddamn, he was a total waste of space way before he even did Janet dirty.

Sorry, I just had to let this out and share this with someone who I remember was anti-Justin as well (based on some posts you had a few years ago), and get this off my chest. And this one hit too close to home for me: one of my good friends (who comes from a conservative, kinda regressive culture) had an abortion back in 2014, and her then-boyfriend made her do it because he wasn't ready to be a dad, and she wanted to keep it but she was forced to abort it when her parents actually sided with him. It was awful. (Thankfully they're not together anymore and she married someone much better 2 years later and they live far away from her parents) This news about Britney just gave me flashbacks to what my friend went through.

PS — Much like my other Submission, this was originally going to be an Ask, but it became way too long. So think of this as an extended Ask

LN14: which is why I deleted his songs out my iPod years ago and I still have Janet’s last album in there. I admit I still have *Nsync songs in there but I’ve always said Justin was the worst singer in the group.

What he did to women in general is disgusting and I’m glad anything involving him (including the new Trolls movie) is going to flop. He deserves to lose everything just like Ashton Kutcher recently did.

[omegalomania]

Hello this is random but that post you made yesterday about the I'm like a lawyer debut has given me so many brain worms. Do you happen to know Why it was such a huge, shocking thing for them to play/watch? I've been trying to figure out why but can't seem to find any information. Thanks in advance! :)

oh my god i wrote a whole thing and then tumblr's piece of shit editor DELETED it. take 2 here we go

one thing i wanna emphasize is that i'm just some guy and by no means the most qualified to discuss this. anyone who has the capacity to weigh in constructively is absolutely encouraged to do so. this is just what i know/remember.

SO the video fall out boy did for "i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off (me & you)" was done pretty unconventionally for them. it doesn't feature them super heavily and instead focuses on a pair of ugandan teens who fall in love until one night the boy is stolen from his home and conscripted as a child soldier. he manages to escape and reunites with the girl and by the video's end they're standing together and holding hands. the band features very peripherally, just kind of playing in between the larger story beats.

fall out boy went to gulu, uganda for the shoot, and shot the video entirely in 24p cameras so they could donate the money that would have gone to music video costs to a local cause in the area (pete doesn't specify but he says he thinks it's going to a school). they also used the video to highlight a nonprofit organization called invisible children, whose mission statement is to prevent the use of child soldiers by a particular group called the LRA (who were operating in uganda at the time). if you were on the internet in the 2010s you probably remember the "kony 2012" viral video campaign; i certainly do. the movement initially aimed to get the guy in charge of the LRA arrested, but ultimately it also kind of exposed a lot of controversy about the invisible children organization itself, how legit their intentions and methods were, and so on. again, there's a lot going on here and i'm not the best person to unpack it so i do encourage you to read up on this on your own.

the important part is that this video was shot in 2007, aka a full 5 years before kony 2012 became a household name. basically fob's intention was to raise awareness for a really long-running civil war going on in africa, and to basically put their money where their mouth is. regardless of the efficiency and effectiveness of the invisible children organization (which i think is very worth criticizing for my part), pete at least believed in the ethos of it - he took part in pushes to raise awareness in the US prior to embarking on the video shoot. he figured if people were gonna be paying so much attention to fall out boy anyway, maybe they could shine that spotlight on people who could use it.

again, this was filmed on location, so they were actually there - they've all cited this particular trip as pretty life-changing to say the least. pete did some journal entries during this time and uploaded them all in one block after the video debuted in july 2007, in which he talks about being just generally kind of scared but also excited. the one entry that i think stands out to me most in that is this one:

t.i.a.- the acronym for the most applicable phrase ever. when the taxi never comes, or drops you off at the wrong spot, when the electricity goes off every single night, when there is sand in your rice- "this is africa" is simply what is said. at an ngo hotspot resturaunt- the only people that go to africa are christian or have a deathwish- not sure where we fit into that. so many white people it felt like the suburbs. there are over 100 ngos in gulu alone and the people still live in utter despair. at dinner people spoke of danger and missions- of the congo- the way people back home speak of gambling in vegas or frat parties. you win some, you lose some. the air everywhere smells acrid and burnt. ive been told its because people burn their trash here. walked part of the way in the pitch black , kind of as tho we had a mugger fantasy. oh well. ended up on the backs of "boda bodas"- these little 300cc motorbikes shooting off under the stars. and they never looked so goddamned bright anywhere on this planet as they do tonight in gulu. im gone.

so to answer your question: it was an intense (and emotional) video in that it a) was genuinely aimed toward spotlighting a social cause, and b) it was very very unlike any fall out boy video that had been done prior to then. this was 2007 so fob was at the peak of their prehiatus fame, and the whole celebrity culture crush was at an all-time high. i dont want to claim that they were the only artist doing this kind of thing at the time but it did kind of stand out compared to the way fob were being marketed during this stage (as in a focus on appearances and how they were these cute nonthreatening boys).

[asksoldieron]

SO-15: Here's the Setup...

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

No art, but hopefully my eyes will improve enough to add some later!

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for How Did We Get Here? (SO-15) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

Ya know, the eyes are better than last week but part of that is probably that I don't have a cold anymore. Still, the light tolerance and the focusing are improving. All I want for Xmas is my visual acuity! Well, OK, and a cool computer with at least 16 gigs of RAM, and the power to bend reality to my will. Actually, if I can just get that last one, I can take care of everything else myself!

So, out of all the things from Part 1 that were destined to make a plot-relevant return in Part 2, were you expecting Mordecai's ability to pass for gay? Turns out, it's not just good for getting out of stupid marriages!

Oh, boy, and we're gearing up for some real fun chaos. My little baby's all grown up and ready to do violence. It seems like only yesterday the whole family were bending over backwards to prevent him from murdering anyone. That's not an option anymore!

In other news, Patreon still hasn't gotten around to deleting all my data. They said it could take up to a month and they'd mail me when they'd done it. Once they get to it, I'll have to see what I can do to set myself up on Ko-Fi. They have all the features I need and they charge less, so I may not be back to Patreon as a creator. I still have some folks I'd like to support, but we'll see how that shakes out.

I'm not real excited to shackle myself to any corporation. They make very bad decisions, and the people using their services suffer the consequences. A lot of Web 2.0 is imploding right now, due to its failure to be profitable enough. Ko-Fi is comparatively new and may not be feeling the pressure yet, but unless the structure of the system changes significantly, they will eventually start sucking too. If it ever gets to the point where I have serious financial obligations, I won't just be able to pick up and leave like this again.

Still, that's a problem for future me! For the moment, I'll concern myself with formatting text and trying to be patient with my drawing ability, or lack thereof. Also, healthcare, and I wanna make some gosh darn cookies.

[Back to Site?]

[greypetrel]

Hi! You don’t need to post this if you don’t want, but I saw the response to that comic you had before you deleted it, and wanted to reassure you that there was no way to interpret your comic as making fun of the atomic bomb. I think the other commenter may have been confused and thought that any mention of the Oppenheimer movie was an issue?

Hi noonie, thank you for reaching out!

Replying the next morning because yesterday it was extremely late and I tried to get some sleep.

Thank you for the assurance, I indeed think I accidentally stepped on ground that was made delicate and hurtful by the whole thread without realising.

My ignorance doesn't justify me or make what I wrote less hurtful, still. But it's gone now, so no more people will get upset, I won't engage anymore in trends I know nothing of thinking I act outside the chorus when I'm not, the topic is problematic as a whole, let's not risk again to hurt other people.

... Or at least, I hope it's that, and that it wasn't the summit of many things I drew and said that caused some hurt without me realising. I sincerely hope they weren't there brooding over my content and reacted at the Nth problematic one. (but that's my anxiety speaking... Or so I hope)

I would just like to add any further that if I reacted a little harshly, it was just because I felt accused out of the blue in a modality (a comment under a post) that really makes me unconfortable. It was the first time I interacted with that person and not being given even the benefit of the doubt... I don't blame them, they were hurt. I could surely have reacted better than I did with a person that i don't know and who doesn't know me and I'm sorry.

I'll stop before I start justifying every single thing I ever did or choice I made.

To make this useful for everyone, just some notes under the cut if they may be useful to clarify some things about me and my behaviour on socials.

Thank you for your kind words, noonie, really! And sorry if this comes out as terribly long and wordy. I'm not the best with anons, I'd reply privately if I could. But since this is public anyway, I'm trying to get some good for everyone and hopefully help avoiding further miscommunications.

This blog is for my art and writing. I reblog DA stuff here because there are people following me here from the fandom.

All other topics are reblogged on my sideblog @stridingcorgi.

I don't talk about stuff if I don't have anything constructive to say or a fully formed opinion of. It doesn't mean I don't like to read about it, even if the opinion is the opposite of mine.

I actually love to hear different opinions! Please, tell me when your opinion differ from mine! I loved shivunin's Your Fate For Mine... And Solas is definitely an antagonistic figure there, I loved seeing that take! Unironically, even if I like to write him differently.

(and just to clarify further: I love Vivienne. She's one of the most complex and nuanced characters in DAI. I don't write her because I never played her -yet- at high approval and I know I'm missing a lot of her characterisation. I won't just mock other people's takes on her before having first-hand experience in game, that's all. Take this for every character you don't see me writing about.)

If I say or do something that hurts you: please, by all means, tell me. I have no problems editing or deleting posts, and I have zero issues apologising.

All I ask is, please: some politeness. I am a person and I'm trying, if there's something hurtful for you assume I apologise in advance, I didn't do it on purpose. Does it minimise the hurt you're feeling? NO, at all. But rest assure that I wasn't aiming at you, there wasn't any malevolence, there's no need to attack.

Just, since I have my idiosinchrasies (again: Anxiety Disorder): if you can, please reach out to me in private. Message me and let's discuss it there! If you want explanations I can give them, and if you don't that's perfectly fine, I'll apologise and fix my mess without you having to explain why. Hurt is hurt, whether I see why or not. Just a "Hey that post hurt me can you edit this or delete the whole of it?" will do.

I just... Don't like much discussing these things in public, PARTICULARLY in places I have a limit of characters. My first reaction is explaining my thought and what I did, because getting why people acts some way I find offensive helps me cope with it and accept it better. The character limit deprives me of the chance and makes me feel anxious.

My anon asks are open until I have a reason to close them.

I will tell you that I had bad experiences with anons... And my tolerance for them is lower than other people's. It has nothing to do with this story, but just so you all know.

[agentbeeswrites]

I don't tend to post theories because I know they've probably been brought up before. But I feel bad about the lack of RWBY content on Tumblr since so much of the bees fandom has decided to discuss it on Twitter this season.

Yesterday, I paused the intro at the moment when the last illustration in Ruby's fall is Neo, and it transitions to Alyx.

Neo's journey in the Ever After might be very similar to the one Alyx went through.

This whole time, Neo has been obsessed with getting vengeance on Ruby for Roman's death, but really, it had nothing to do with her. He was randomly eaten by a Nevermore - one of the grimm that Salem/Cinder technically unleashed.

What if part of Neo's journey is to come to the realization that Salem was the enemy all along? That Cinder recruited Roman, and part of the blame should be on her? What team RWBY and their allies are fighting for is the one fight she should be focused on?

Then there's the cat. I think that they're the administrator of the Ever After. A friend said they thought they were the god of that world, but I disagree. They're like a sysadmin running cleanup scripts and making sure that if anything breaks, it's fixed as quickly as possible because people depend on that system's uptime.

Everything about the Curious Cat seems digital, from their color scheme to the way their transitions show artifacts (those blocky bits on the screen). Their design is very different from the rest of the world.

The cat has a line in episode 5 that really caught me:

When we break, or wear out, or simply finish what we were made to do, we're called back. But Herb, his heart was too weak to listen. So I gave him a little bit of mine.

It wasn't until I watched episode 5 that it clicked for me.

Remember when the gang met Herb in the last episode?

Herb didn't start peppering them with questions and getting frustrated until Ruby told him that they were trying to get to the tree.

Back in episode 4, Herb said:

We all have our titles. Our roles to play. But in order to help you become whatever it is you need to become, you should really have a better understanding of what you are now.

Herb did everything to help them figure out what they are so that he could then help them figure out what they need to be.

I think that the tree IS the Ever After. Whether it's where the transformation happens or the actual god of the world or something else, the tree is involved in transformation, or ascension, in the Ever After. The tree goes to them when it's time for someone to change. Kind of like death, but they're not dead. They're reset and cast into a new type or emptied of memories to be written over again.

Even the way the cat explains what happened to the King/Prince, they say that he remembered the betrayal in some way. Kind of like when you delete a file but it isn't really gone until that sector gets overwritten.

This whole season is about the need to change. It's a natural process. Weiss, Blake and Yang all had their transformation arcs. Ruby is too lost to see it, but she will change soon, too.

That brings me to my last thought: team RWBY have already been told what they must do to defeat Salem.

Remember what the cat said in the quote above?

You change their purpose. And if they can't hear you, you share a little bit of your heart with them.

I don't know how they will do it, but short of the gods coming back, realizing they made a grave mistake, and removing Salem from play, then I don't see how they can. So they have to find a different strategy.

Salem can't be killed; just like the people in the Ever After.

They need to Care Bear Stare that witch. Go all SPOP on them with the rainbow princess powers.

Gather the Maidens and have them share a little heart with Salem.

That's how they win. They need to change Salem's heart to a new purpose.

[danpuff-ao3]

A Minor Problem

At the age of 11, I discovered fanfiction.

It was wholly accidental. 11 year old Danni didn't know what fanfiction was. I was using my allotted 30 minutes of internet time wisely: Googling random Harry Potter stuff (obsessed fangirl that I was.) I joined a fairly innocent roleplay site during one such search. But my innocent roleplaying soon ended when I clicked on an explicit Drarry fanfic.

Where were my parents? Good question. In fairness, around this time my mom was pregnant and we were gearing up to move states. (Which is how I remember what time period this took place in; not sure I'd have recalled my age otherwise.)

Did they ever find out what I spent my time reading and writing? Maybe! My personal fanfiction was saved to the family computer. And in my earliest days I didn't know how to, or think to, delete my search history.

What is important to note, though, is this: my parents never hid my siblings or myself from any media.

I grew up watching horror films. All manner of horror films. (Violence, gore, nudity, sex.) We listened to all sorts of music. (Profanity, sex, violence.) I was also an avid reader from a young age. I inhaled books in a frenzy. My mom gave me Flowers of the Attic (child neglect and abuse, underage sex, incest, murder) before I discovered fanfic. As a preteen, my grandmother gave me a book called She's Come Undone (domestic abuse, mental illness, rape, eating disorders, abortion.) I read Lolita in junior high. I probably don't need to explain that one.

Explicit slash fiction wasn't so different as to shock or horrify me, but it was a unique experience. It opened my eyes in many ways.

I was always a creative person. (No one ask me about the spy novels I wrote at ages 7 and 8.) I was always deeply invested in stories. (Harry Potter, my longtime love.) That I found find more Harry Potter stories!! That I could create my own, even??? There was a whole world to explore!

I might also mention that I was born and raised in the Bible Belt in the good ole U.S. of A. Sex education was barely there. Hardly an education at all. I'd learned more from sex scenes in horror films and hundreds of smut fics. (I don't actually recommend using fanfic as a guidebook, but it can be a good starting point for what to research and explore.)

I learned about the LGBT community. I'd never even heard of gay people before fanfiction. I learned about kinks. I saw many topics explored in deeper, more meaningful ways than any traditional media. Self harm, abuse, homophobia, rape, etcetera.

You can argue, if you want, that minors shouldn't be exposed to some things.

But I'll tell you what my mother told me, when reflecting upon our childhood: "I didn't want to shield you from anything. The world is a big, scary place. At least I could be with you, and talk to you."

She never gave us overt lessons. But I didn't need a lecture after Texas Chainsaw Massacre to know murder was wrong. I knew that monsters weren't real, but danger was. I learned there were specific words only adults could use, that I could say when I was older. And that sex was for grown ups, too.

I never drank, I never did drugs. I never skipped school, or sneaked out of my house. I didn't steal. I didn't cheat on tests, or boyfriends. I was a good kid. And I've been a fairly tame adult, as far as real life and real actions go.

You can argue, if you want, that minors shouldn't be exposed to some things. And I'm not saying everyone should raise their kids the way I was raised. But it was hardly awful, what I went through.

It was never fiction that hurt me.

It was real people, in real life, and the real actions they took against me that hurt me.

Through fandom, I read and wrote fanfiction for Harry Potter. I was involved in online roleplays for Twilight. I made friends all over the world.

I saw a post yesterday complaining about "kids today." How the internet ruined us. How no one should have so much access to information. I disagree.

I thrived.

Who would I be today without my experiences? Not so open-minded, I think, nor so knowledgeable. Lacking awareness of other people, other cultures, other ways of living and loving. Without seeing how much joy and pleasure could exist in this world, or how much darkness and cruelty. My mind turned a thousand different ways. There was so much variety in the fandom world. And so much potential for me to unravel my own thoughts and feelings. To further push the bounds of my imagination and abilities.

My world is all the richer, and all the brighter, for these past nineteen years in fandom.

I learned.

I learned not only about others, but about myself. I learned what sorts of content I enjoyed reading. What sorts of content I enjoyed writing (which, funnily enough, can be different things.) I learned basic coding. I learned about Microsoft. I learned how to troubleshoot computer issues, and internet issues. I eventually learned how to clear a browser history. I learned how to fine-tune engine searches. I learned how to back away from content I didn't like, and how to recover from content that bothered me.

I fell down research rabbit holes related to stories I read. Is this a real town? Is that a real item? I learned bits of Latin, and the importance of lube. I learned about safewords. And polyamory. I figured out what was possible, and what wasn't. The different ways people could think, and feel.

In my early to mid twenties I read a fic with a demisexual character. I did my research. I joined Facebook groups. I interacted with others. I spent years listening and learning and sitting with myself, and embracing my asexual identity.

My Best Friend had a different upbringing than I did. Her parents shielded her from the world. They were deeply religious. They were very strict. Her parents never gave her the sex talk. She learned about sex for the first time in our small town, conservative high school. Her first experience with gay people was her twin coming out of the closet in junior high. She believed in Santa Claus until high school, from our peers discussing the subject in class. She learned about asexuality from me, in our twenties, and from our conversations, learned more about herself.

In our early years, her parents called me a bad influence. I wore short skirts and I made crude jokes. I was watching Saw when she couldn't watch PG-13 films at 13.

Best Friend is one of the kindest people I know. She's deeply compassionate, and very open-minded. She is primed to learn from others, and willing to have her mind changed. She is one of the best people I know.

Being protected from media never protected her, though. Because there are still real people out there, who really hurt her.

We're 30 now. There are still topics to this day I'm surprised to find Best Friend has never heard of. I'll mention a subject in conversation. She asks me questions.

We're 30 now, and despite different upbringings, we're in similar places. We don't party. Neither of us had a "wild" stage. We both have stable jobs and stable relationships. We've been best friends for eighteen years. She indulges in very heterosexual, very vanilla smut. I read all manner of darkfic, whumping, and dead dove.

She doesn't judge me for it.

She never did.

She's known since we were 13, when I boldly and enthusiastically informed our friend group of my fandom world. I told them all about my deep love of Snarry. I won't say they weren't surprised, and that they didn't lowkey judge me, but they loved and accepted me all the same.

Best Friend shares none of my fandom preferences. We're not in the same fandom. We don't ship the same ships. We don't read the same types of stories. Her stomach would roil if she were forced to read the stories I read.

But no one's forcing her.

I tell her about my projects, and about my accomplishments, and she's happy for me. She's supportive.

No amount of "problematic" content turned me into a monster. None of Best Friend's shelter protected her from monsters.

No one and nothing will protect you from the world. We can't expect it. Life is big and wild and strange. And beautiful. And horrible. It is the responsibility of our guardians to guide us. And our responsibility to learn and grow. To study and explore.

But if all you know is how to hate and hunt, well...you have a lot left to learn.

[bunnygirl-titties]

I ain’t exactly sure how long I’ve been watching your blog? Guessing a month then?

I don’t follow you. I follow people that do reblog from you and I just come a check every now and then.

You are just so god dammed pretty.

You can can just call me Z.

I ain’t sure where you are but I live in the us. I just work nights so I sleep in the day mostly. Plus I don’t get on tumblr much.

But ya seem to really like this attention sweetheart. So I guess I can stick round.

I don’t know what you mean by that last bit? I wouldn’t confess to liking you if I didn’t. Obviously I like you. Seeing how hot and angry you were about them anons was fucking sexy as hell.

🐾

Ok! Z it is!

So you don’t follow me, but have you still liked or reblogged something of mine?

I’m trying to think of all the people that reblog from me specifically, cuz a lot of my notes come from someone else Reblogging my stuff.

Hardly anyone ever reblogs directly from me.

That’s the part I don’t understand?? How?? All you’ve seen are my boobs and some of my body??? How do you know I’m pretty????

I’m in the US as well, we are probably just in opposite sides of it. I’m in the west coast. Well there isn’t a coast here, but still. And I have never worked a night job, I usually do morning shifts so that I can have most of my day to do stuff without a time restraint.

What do you do for work, if you don’t mind me asking?

What do you do for fun? Like what are your hobbies?

Is there anything you want to know about me?

I would be lying if I said I didn’t like the attention. Well I like the attention you give me at least.

A friend of mine was having… I guess an issue, with anons yesterday. It started out fun, and I egged the anons on. Cuz I’m a terror and like to fuel the flames. But it ended… badly, now we are both being harassed by anons.

Luckily mine have stopped once I said “fat” wasn’t an insult.

This is my third blog. I’ve been run off multiple times by anons and I don’t want to start over. So I’m just deleting the bad ones and answering the nice ones.

Problem is, I don’t get nice ones often.

Have you sent me asks before you started identifying yourself with 🐾?

Why did you specify the Princess femme and butch knight thing? Is it because I made a post about being called princess? Or is it cuz I posted a chapter of a story I’m writing about a princess and her butch knight 😅

I was mostly making a joke at the end of my last reply. Ashton Kutchar had a prank show, kinda like ridiculousness?? I can’t remember if it was on MTV or not?? But there is a bit in The office where a guy goes “nope it’s not Ashton Kutchar, it’s Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart” so I was making not one, but two tv show references in one 😅 I think I’m funny. I watch The Office a lot, but mostly while I’m cooking.

Also yeah, all through my childhood people only asked me out as a joke. No one actually ever liked me. It’s also happened in my adult life too so??? Idk I’m not use to someone being genuine??? It still feels like a trap. Like you are gonna reveal who you are and than just be like “Jk it was all just an elaborate lie”

I’m afraid that’s why you are staying on anon.

Wow this ended up so long I’m so sorry!

[crsbysdot]

So I watched most of B's stream from yesterday and I have some thoughts.

For one thing, I can understand why some people thought that community tab post was about Tyra. It strikes me as a little odd that B would post something like that, without context or clarification and then seemingly be surprised when other people thought it was about Tyra. I get that she may have real-life stuff that that message applied to,and that she may well have thought that other people on YT could relate to it as well. But the most obvious situation anyone looking at B's Youtube community tab would have to relate it to would be Tyra's life circumstances. I'm not bashing B here. It's just a bit obtuse to me, that she didn't realize what was going to happen there.

Now, as for Tyra's new batch of "detractors", I think Tyra's coverage of the Jessica Kent crap has introduced her, for better or worse, to an entirely new audience of people who are not necessarily familiar with Tyra's history and the things she been through over the last few years.

Of course the fact that her old channel got axed allegedly because Jessica Kent couldn't take criticism doesn't help matters because now these people who want deep dives on her only have her enemies to look to for information on her. As opposed to being able to look at what Tyra herself has had to say about a lot of the sht that's happened.

I lucked out in managing to watch so much of her older content before her channel got terminated, so I was able to hear from HER, her side of all the mess. Melissa at one point in B's chat yesterday, basically told people to go look at Steph's channel if they wanted to see Tyra get called out, to which one of the newer people said "I love Steph.". And this disturbs me, BECAUSE Tyra's older content is no longer available. Steph's accounts of certain things weren't exactly fair, and now all these people who already don't like Tyra have no opportunity to see her side of anything Steph b*tched about.

And I'm sorry, but Melissa running her mouth about Tyra, even if it's in Tyra's defense, irritates me. Specifically because she cosigned so much of Steph's unfair and exaggerated bs concerning Tyra. When Steph did things like trivializing violent hate crimes to bash Tyra for saying a word, while misleading people about Tyra's relationship with that word, Melissa was right there, cheering it on. And I also think it's bullsh*t that Melissa is "mad" about "having to" defend someone she doesn't like... It's like, you don't actually HAVE to defend this person, Melissa. If you don't want to defend Tyra, don't defend Tyra.

So many of these people act like they're just being put upon to have to talk about this sht, but actions speak louder than words. Steph told us last year, that she was leaving, possibly even going to delete her channel, and that IF she ever came back it WASN'T going to be for this community. But she's still here, saying "it's just continuous" as if she's being forced to engage.

[carelesstemper]

To me

I saw my cousin today, and for the first time I'm able to put what I feel into words. You know what it's like, constantly running away from your sadness instead of dealing with it? well, I've finally decided to stop running.

I don't feel as sad as I did yesterday but it doesn't mean I won't be sad again. I think that's what I keep forgetting. Just cause you feel this incredible love for yourself that you've gotten through another rough patch, it doesn't mean the underlying problems aren't still there. When they surface again, I will deal with them and the cycle might continue but that is my business to deal with and I'm fine with that. I can do it.

I am proud that I've taken a step back to reflect. To really understand that this is what I need to do to take care of myself. I did the only thing I knew how: To listen to beautiful music and write my heart out. Post some inspiring photos I took and cry.

I decided to delete certain social media platforms. Snapchat and Facebook. I wanted to remove myself from that because, since I could remember, it was a popularity contest for me. It was a way to collect validation of my worthiness and beauty. Like, I was not pretty unless I went onto these apps and posted pictures of myself that took a couple hours to take and edit. To have people tell me I'm pretty. I felt like I was constantly begging for attention and manifesting these types of false friendships that was based on what they could do for me. Unfair right? Yeah.. so I just decided this is not the person I am. Constantly crying out for someone to love me and understand me. I think I'm finally understanding that it's not how you find authentic happiness. I need to want to live for me. I need to find happiness in myself before I form friendships and relationships because then I start to look for that in them. I start to expect them to bring me happiness when I cannot produce that myself.

It should not ever be someone else's problem that I'm unhappy. I should have never made it anyones problem. Screaming and crying for a solution that no one knows how to give me. That's not fair to the other person.

I wanted to remove the negatives from my life. Remove what was draining me. Even though I didn't want to admit it, what other people thought of me was what I cared about the most. I wanted to be looked at as this beautiful mystery. The geeky but clumsy and smart girl, who you couldn't help but love. Except I wasn't getting that. This self Image I had, based on false pretences, was hard to try and convince others of. I thought that if I perceived myself to be this person then for sure someone is bound to come along and love me. but that never happened. I spent a lot of my time waiting for that to happen but It was never going to happen if I kept making it obvious that I was looking.

What it wasn't, was me using it as a cry for help. I definitely wasn't doing what I used to do and post about how I'm taking time away and here's all these other ways to contact me. I did it silently and it also wasn't me going away and seeing who would want to reach out to me, cause in my mind no one wanted to anyway. I was okay with that. However, today my friends texted me through my actual phone number. which was crazy to me because I never use my phone for the texty part and the phoney part. I wanted to cry because after days of feeling alone, here I had two people who actually wanted to talk to me. I didn't even have to say anything! I was honestly amazed that I was able to make friendships like that. I felt loved and valid in that moment. They might not know that but it meant a lot that they reached out. It made me feel important. I feel important now to at least two people.

[prettybi4ajedi]

Want to know a weird thing I'm discovering? I have friends on my other social medias that I feel close to, or worked with and respect, that post anti-trans stuff, or stuff that makes them seem overly possessive of their adult children. I've reached out to those people, and I've been able to talk them to choosing to take down the post, even if that's not what I ever intended and it's not something I ever asked for. I'm not going to lie, I've deleted stuff in the past, and as recently as yesterday, and I'm sure I'll delete stuff I post in the future. But James Gunn's existence has taught me that stuff will never go away if someone else wants to find it. And honestly, watching all that happen made me much more cognizant of the stuff I do post. But I want to take a moment and respect the fact that sometimes; probably most of the time; someone deleting a post is a sign of change, and growth. It's something they felt, or thought they felt; but then they decide that's what they feel. All humans think and feel and act on problematic ideas at some point. To say they don't is absolutely heretical. The point of being a human is to change, and learn and grow. We're so lucky and privileged, now. We are reminded literally every day through facebook memories, of the nuanced struggles we felt burdened us a decade ago. And we see it in our own words. I know I cringe every day; but I still look at those posts, because when I made those posts I felt exactly the same way I do today. Who I am, and how I feel, has never changed. I've always been the same person. I just look at problems differently. And right now, the only thing I hope, is that I look at problems with more empathy than I did the day before.

I read a tumblr post once though, and it was about how someone said a thing to them, and they were processing the first thing they thought vs. how they responded.

The way they wanted to respond, instinctually, relied on learned homophhobic and/or racist tendancies. But before they said anything, they took a moment, remembered within themselves that that reaction was incorrect, and took a moment to look at their reaction, and the situation separately. And when they actually responded, it was not just their instinct. It was their instinct, taught behaviors, learned behaviors, and personal experiences all coming together into one response. I think being able to respond to a difficult topic, if you approach it from that standpoint, is absolutely the most admirable thing. It's not about the mistakes you've made. It's what you do to recover from them.