#i also can’t let myself be happy so that gets tossed into the ‘why frank can’t love them’ equation 🙏

[xocasper]

I mean I keep referring to ribs frank as an asshole but honestly it’s not his fault that he didn’t have feelings for them and he wasn’t particularly mean about it, and he really did try in ribs2. but like. Idk. He can still fuck off either way

seeee he does like them. i project on to both of them in this story. it’s very much, “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” he’s conditioned, in a way. he’s always thought about the reader as his, but he can’t let himself belong to someone else. he’s scared and noncommittal. the one person he does truly love becomes out of reach because he refuses to let himself fall like that.

jamia is like a schoolgirl (schoolboy? 🤷) crush. she’s stable. she’s dateable. she is the college girlfriend. they can last a while. the reader was his first love though, and he can’t let them go. he keeps running back to them in the fic. he’s just very resistant to being in love and letting himself get hurt like that, and it’s not until he sees them with mikey that he realizes it.

also he becomes an asshole, keep calling him one.

[bts-weverse-trans]

201125 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - V

V: “I wish we were back with ARMY, laughing together” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.25

During V’s photo shoot, he’s wearing a different expression in every photo on the monitor. They create a tension and an anticipation because we have no way of knowing what he might do even one second later. But the result is cool from start to finish. It’s V.

How are you doing these days? It’s been a long time since you were able to see your fans. V: I’m not over-stressing about how I can’t meet the fans face to face right now. I just want to see them when it’s safe to meet. I think now, I can wait until then.

As your song says, “Life Goes On.” You decided to keep going on with your life. V: We have to move on. We can’t feel defeated forever. I felt a lot better after making some songs.

Other than working on “Dynamite,” you’ve spent very little time away from home. How do you pass the time when you’re by yourself? V: I really like just spacing out, so I’ll sit in my room doing nothing for hours. I could try putting on a movie, but then I couldn’t concentrate and would just zone out. When that happens, it’s kind of like I’m living without a thought or care in the world. Maybe I should make a song about all of this someday. Probably call it “Spaced.” (laughs) Anyway, these days I’m looking for ways to keep myself happy.

Have you found anything? V: Well, I’m listening to LPs lately. It’s getting to be Christmas season and I love snow, so I bought two or three Christmas LPs to listen to. I’m also listening to old jazz songs by Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. Frank Sinatra is cool, like chilled wine; Sammy Davis Jr. is crazy talented. (laughs)

So that’s the type of performer you find cool. V: Those two were also a big inspiration to me while we were working on “Dynamite.” Sinatra has all this jazzy body language, but he also threw some disco in there. And I imagined how Sammy Davis Jr. might dance if there were a mic on stage and he had to dance around it. They were a lot of help when I was finding a way to be upbeat and cool at the same time in “Dynamite.”

I guess making “Dynamite” must have been some consolation even when you couldn’t meet fans due to COVID-19. V: We couldn’t put on a concert and couldn’t see ARMY, so we were feeling more and more drained. It seemed like an endless battle. We really wanted to see ARMY feeling better, so we had to get back up on stage and make another album so that together we could beat this thing. I want to be the friend who’s always cheering ARMY on, but there aren’t many ways to make them feel better.

How was the whole “Dynamite” experience? You made it to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 and also had a chance to perform in a variety of different styles. V: Shooting the Tiny Desk Concert was a very natural process, which was nice. But actually, with the situation being what it is, we couldn’t really feel much. The day the news came out was of course thrilling. It was great, actually, all of us calling each other and some of us laughing and others crying: “We haven’t gone down the wrong path after all! Turns out we had a chance—it really was possible!”

While you were performing in “Dynamite,” you were also the visual director for BE. I’m sure you were unimaginably busy taking photos, but were you able to communicate well with the other members? V: We communicated smoothly, and I listened to all of their concept ideas and I organized everything around that. If we tried something too natural, it wouldn’t be conceptual enough, so we did our best to strike a balance.

You had everyone sitting in the middle, with the set arranged symmetrically around you. V: That was made possible thanks to everyone having their own ideas. There was no overlap between items, which actually allowed us to create a sense of unity by placing all these different props symmetrically. It wasn’t intended to be symmetrical; each member really did choose something unique.

In your room, you included a violin and a photograph. V: That’s a picture I took. I like photos and drawings, but if I had used any art then I would’ve been using that one particular artist’s work, so I thought I’d better use one of my own photos. I ended up choosing the violin because I learned how to play it but also because I enjoy classical and jazz.

So how do you feel it turned out? V: I made it, so naturally I like it. (laughs) Part of me thinks I should’ve tried something more conceptual. BE was supposed to give off sort of a magazine or poster feel since we didn’t shoot many of those, but it ended up having more of a natural feel to it. But I did think that the next time we try to make a photoshoot conceptual we should move away from that natural look a bit. The group explained their ideas clearly and they were simple enough to do, so I think it all went really smoothly.

It sounds like there were no problems choosing the songs for BE. How did you feel recording your parts on the other members’ songs? V: I like “Dis-ease,” which Hobi hyung wrote, but stylistically it was challenging. It’s really far from my own style so it took a long time to get used to. “Fly to My Room” used to be my favorite song, but it was also the hardest to sing. It was okay at first, until Jimin jumped in.

What about Jimin? V: Because I had to keep up with Jimin, the song went up maybe three keys. I thought I would die. (laughs) It started out as my favorite song, but it was just way too hard to sing.

But why did you have to sing that way? V: Jimin said he was sorry, that he couldn’t go any lower. (laughs) When I first heard the demo version, the key was perfect for me, so I thought it would sound great and I should definitely do it. But then Jimin said he wanted to do it too, so I said, “Great, let’s do it together.” Turns out we went up three keys. So I said, “Hey, what’s the deal? Should I just give up?” But, well, somehow it all worked out in the end. It was a happy ending. (laughs)

People might be able to hear that part better because it’s so much higher. (laughs) The tone of your combined voices and the way they contrast is really impressive. V: Yes, but all that aside, it was quite the struggle. (laughs) And the chorus is really long. I think it repeats, what, four times?

Yes, it feels like the chorus never ends. The production style is very unique. I like how the emotion is carried through the whole way. V: I agree, but it’s so long. The chorus turned out crazy, like I was kind of beating the melody into people’s ears. (laughs) The chorus is good, but the whole song’s melody is really catchy. Whenever I heard the beat, I was totally into it. The way the vocals pick up on the beat and the melody was so original and fun, I just had to do it.

What instructions did you give to the other members when they were singing on your song, “Blue & Grey”? V: I didn’t really have to give them instructions much. I told them it would be nice if they could think of all their problems and then try healing those wounds with their voices, since if they focus on those emotions, there’ll be more feeling in the song. They all did a good job expressing the emotions I wasn’t able to.

It seems like you intended “Blue & Grey” to be a melancholy song. I heard you had originally planned to put it on your mixtape. V: I wrote “Blue & Grey” when I was at my lowest point, when I was actually asking whether I could keep going with my work or not. Even the fun parts of work became a chore, and my whole life felt aimless. “Where do I go from here? I can’t even see the end of the tunnel.” Those kinds of thoughts hit me hard.

Was there a reason for that? V: It was when work was a major challenge. When I’m happy, I want to work, and when I’m happy I can put on a smile and see the fans, but there was just so much work to do. I’m an easygoing, you know, laid-back person, but I was stretched too thin and I was starting to sputter. What I mean is, I was having a really tough time, and thinking, “What’s waiting for me at the end? It’s important to be successful, but I’m also trying to be happy, so how come I’m not happy right now?” That’s when I started to write “Blue & Grey.”

So writing the song was sort of your way of bringing yourself some peace of mind. V: There was a time I was going through something like this. I was having the toughest time, but I couldn’t keep carrying that feeling around with me. Instead, I could use it as a kind of fertilizer. So I took care of that feeling by constantly writing it down in my notes. I just kept writing everything down, and when finally I felt like I wanted to try writing a song, I did. After the song was finished, I felt a sense of accomplishment, and that’s how I was able to let go of “Blue & Grey.” That was one way I wanted to try getting over my problem.

The songs you make or sing solo on all have similar images: night; loneliness; snow. V: I like nighttime and the late-night air, and when it snows, too. I liked those things since way back when, but lately I feel things like snow and the night air keep me alive. They may just be another part of normal life to other people, but to me, they represent very special moments.

That makes me think of the ending from “Blue & Grey”: “After secretly sending my words up into the air / Now I fall asleep at dawn.” V: I don’t really sleep well. I toss and turn and get caught up in a lot of thoughts. Even when I turn out all the lights, I can see everything clearly. I close my eyes, but all my thoughts spread wide open. Then I’m sleepy at work, and staring off into space when I’m alone, with bags under my eyes, but if I want to avoid that then I really have to sleep. Except, with the way I am, it doesn’t allow for it. I wrote about that in the first and second verses; a feeling like, “When I’m stuck thinking like this, everything is grey, and I’m all blue.” I wrote these feelings out as a song, and now that I’m thinking about it again, I’m actually over it. I feel a lot lighter. I sent my words out into the air, and now I fall asleep at dawn. You’re supposed to sleep at night, but I’m sleeping in the morning again. So I say “good night,” but it’s not actually a good night. “I pass out because I’m exhausted” kind of thing. It’s the emotions I felt in those moments that I wanted to express.

What do you hope hearing about that feeling will do for listeners? V: Rather than just some stranger telling them to cheer up, I think it’s better to say something like, “You seem depressed lately,” or, “Seems like these days it’s tough for you to perk up.” “Blue & Grey” is the same: “You’re depressed lately? Me too. We’re in the same boat. Wanna talk about how you’re feeling? You wanna feel better, right? I know, but sometimes it feels like you’re being washed away by a whirlpool of stress.” I want the listeners to hear me saying that to them.

It’s important to express your emotions right away when they’re so overwhelming. V: Yes. I usually write a lot of songs when I’m feeling emotional, but these days I have so many different things to do that I can’t really write anything. I tried to write something before when I had a little time, but nothing came out because the feelings I had were already gone. So I tell myself, “You gotta write a lot when you’ve got the feels!” (laughs) And then I open my notes app and come back to old notes, like, “Ah, so that’s how I was feeling back then? I see. Well, that’s how I used to be, I guess.” So I tried to write “Blue & Grey” quickly, as soon as a big feeling came on.

Then it’s important to revisit those feelings when you’re producing a song or choosing which songs to release? V: If you can’t bring the feeling back, you can’t make the song, either. I release a song if I feel it expresses who I was and how I felt at the time when I wrote it. Even if we record it perfectly, if the result sounds artificial, I would rather release another, more honest sounding song instead, even if it’s not perfect.

Are those the kinds of songs you selected for your mixtape? V: Um … I don’t know. This is my first mixtape, you know, so I feel a ton of pressure about it. I’m thinking all the time about what kind of album I should make so that I can feel satisfied with it. The title track is the title track, but everyone also says to just leave it as it is, but I keep getting the urge to keep putting in more and more.

You usually write and choose songs based on your emotions. Maybe the pressure to make your first mixtape comes from you having a hard time with that. V: I think it still has a long way to go. Maybe it’s because it’s my first mixtape, but it’s so hard. And I feel like it’s a little lazy. People tell me just to put it out and see how it does, but I’d rather know what needs to be fixed before I release it. I also don’t want the title track to be depressing. I want it to be positive and help people beat those depressed feelings. But it’s not easy.

That sounds a lot like what the members conveyed with “Life Goes On.” V: I think we showed the current situation in a very straightforward and honest way. We’re still going, going, going. And the going is tough. But it doesn’t end here. I wish we were back with ARMY, laughing together. I hope we’ll all be happy in the future and keep on doing our own best, cherishing our hope for our happy future.

Trans © Weverse

[boognish-worshipper]

Remember the Rain

praying this is the final part of “Sunrise, Sunset” by the time i’m done omg ,, lamar finally talks it out with frank. i was tryna keep the titles consistent with a sky theme? wasn’t sure what to name this one at first, but i settled on naming it after a i song that i felt was sorta fitting lol ,, also lamar’s dramatic when drunk, that’s jus how it’s gonna be

oh and i included one last convo w/ that psychic lady bc each character got three opportunities to speak to her lol

//

The night Franklin and him fought was the third night in a row Lamar couldn’t sleep right. Then it became four. Then five. Six. He had hoped after the first couple days of Franklin being mad, that it’d all blow over and things would go back to normal. That he wouldn’t ever have to say anything about what he felt deep down. Even though he told himself he had to, he wouldn’t. He waited it out, and still hoped it would all just fucking blow over. That wasn’t what happened of course.

An overcast sky was spread over LS, light rain tapping against Lamar’s window. As cheesy as it was, it reflected how he felt. Another day had passed. Franklin wasn’t picking up, not even reading his texts, nothing. He called a couple times at first when the fourth day of the silent treatment occurred, then tried a few more times to contact him in the following days. It had grown into a long and sad string of texts.

franklin.

dog

plz

pick up

answer me

plz?

c’mon frank i told you i have nothin goin on with yo auntie

i wanna talk things out with you.

u ain’t let me finish explaining

text me when u read this. plz bro

He sighed. This was hopeless. He set his phone aside, still laying awake. A buzz came right after. Fucking finally, something.

fuck you

we got nothin to discuss

He didn’t know how to feel. This was fucking him up and he couldn’t think straight. He tried calling him once more, the ringing as he waited for a pick up mocking him. Voicemail yet again. How many messages had he tried leaving at this point?

for fucks sake frank pick up

u ain’t doin this to me rn

jus let me explain myself

He stared at the ceiling yet again, like it would have all the answers sprawled out for him. As he did, he focused on how the rain had picked up, coming down harder. Then he felt his phone buzz.

no

now stop blowing my phone up

i’m tryna sleep

Lamar was never one to be sensitive, but he felt so crushed right now that all he could do was cry silently to himself. He didn’t even have Chop around anymore to comfort him like he normally would whenever Lamar was going through something. Would he even see him again? He lived over at Frank’s now. Fuck. Did this mean they’d have to share custody now? If he wasn’t so upset, he most likely would’ve laughed at the idea of it. He was letting bad thoughts consume him, turning to a last minute resort of drinking to try stopping it. This kind of thing rarely happened to him, these kind of feelings weren’t common. He knew no other method of trying to stuff bad feelings down, working through a 6 pack of beer on his own, followed by a bottle of some type of random liquor. Anything to stifle the pain in his chest, although it didn’t accomplish much other than making him feel even more queasy. He left one last voicemail, choking back a sob. Or what he had thought would be the last one. He lost count.

“Franklin. Please jus’ talk to me already man. You- you believin’ what you wanna believe right now, you ain’t even givin’ me a chance. You my best fuckin’ friend, don’t that mean shit to you anymore? We.. homies n shit.” He sniffled, cringing to himself when he said the words “best friend”. Franklin was so much more than that to him.

“Ion… Ion think I can live without you in my life. You can’t hate me man that shit.. that’s fucked. This is fucked. I’m fucked.”

A strong feeling of humiliation hung around him for many reasons, one being that he was fully crying now, over the phone. He couldn’t get any lower.

“You jus’ mad right now. But you.. you won’t be, eventually. Right? Please get back to me soon. Please. I’d rather fuckin’.. die or sum’ than have you hatin’ me n shit. At this point I might as well.”

After hanging up, he decided to visit that site one last time. His tears blurred his vision, making it harder to type. The shit in his system didn’t help either.

lady

i fuckef up

thsi is yo faukt

What now? Why are you back?

frankljn hates me

He does? That’s not right.

damn straighy it fuckign isnt

No, I mean that’s not correct.

There’s no way that he could, even if it seems like it right now.

jus fuckin tell me whst to do

That’s out of my hands.

is not u fuckin wirch

*withc

*witch

Look, I really don’t know how else to help you. I don’t have any other visions to offer. You’re on your own.

They do say though, that dreams are visions themselves.

dont fukcin speak in riddles rn

Precognition, Lamar. Just have faith

prewhatnow

n yeah. faith. bc that helps so fuckn much

All I can say to you is good luck - it’s all coming together. Just wait.

th fuck does that mean?

It means that you’re stressing too much - you better sleep it off. Farewell Lamar. You’re gonna have a killer hangover you know…

SERVICE UNAVAILABLE. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.

The notification did nothing but make him more upset. He calmed down eventually, the crying and alcohol tiring him out. He blacked out soon after, not remembering when he fell asleep.

For the first time in a while, he dreamt about the two of them. The start of the dream showed a radiant sight before them, the sky lit up in a million shades. Chop was laying beside Franklin, head on his thigh. All three of them sat on a grassy knoll, a soft breeze blowing through each blade. Franklin turned, Lamar not taking his eyes off him since the dream started. He only noticed the sky’s wide color palette because the intensity struck Franklin’s face just right. He looked right into Lamar’s eyes, speaking softly.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“What?”

“You had so many opportunities. So many times, I thought that you would. I got my hopes up, you know. I waited. When Tanisha left.. I only had you.”

“Tanisha..”

“I still love her. I.. I think apart of me always will, but I love you just the same. Even if you drive me up a Goddamn wall sometimes. You both mean the world to me.”

Franklin looked back at the view ahead. A heavenly indigo replaced the vivid hues from before.

“But she’s gone now. Shit ain’t the same. All I know is you stayed when she didn’t. Even when she got pulled outta the hood and made some kinda new life for herself, you never left my side. Never changed yo loyalties.”

He turned back to face Lamar again. His eyes were glassy, the glow of the midnight sky reflecting in them.

“So why didn’t you say somethin’ sooner?”

“Franklin.. I ain’t deduce that shit ‘til now.“

“You really didn’t know?”

Even in the dream he could feel that previous frustration occur in his mind. Was he hiding in a glass closet or something? He could only let out a wry laugh.

“Yeah man. I was a fuckin’ fool, jus’ like you always said.”

“Damn straight.” He chuckled, and Lamar came to the conclusion that he could listen to that laugh forever. Franklin’s face then fell solemn.

“Y’know I really thought that.. I really thought that you jus’ got with someone else. Not even jus’ my Aunt. I saw how you wanted to get away from me, and I thought…” He stopped himself, petting Chop’s head.

“I.. wanted to be happy if you was, but the thought of that at all bothered me.”

“Why?”

“Cuz you were all I had, dog. Mike n Trevor, they have their own lives, their own history n shit. I can’t always rely on them. Denise don’t give a fuck what happen to me. You my lifeline dog, I’ve known you for years. I didn’t want you to forget me over a chick or sum’. That day you acted all different n shit, it worried me.”

“Hey man, y’know I ain’t ever gon pull that shit on you. I’m with you for life.”

“Then don’t pull other kinda stupid shit on me.”

“Whatchu mean?”

“You can’t ever die on me bro. That ain’t how this shit works.”

“Ay man, I don’t plan on dying jus’ yet. Not unless yo ass by my side. Not ‘til I tell you I…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

Franklin got closer to his face, cupping his cheek. His eyes shone as the stars around them fell from the sky, akin to raindrops, hitting them. Everything about him was flooding Lamar’s senses, and it felt surreal, between his aroma and all the other things he loved about Franklin. Golden flecks covered them both, and the stars continued to crash down. The sky was growing darker than before.

“Just say the words Lamar. Say them and this shit’ll be over.”

“How?”

“Well first you need to wake yo ass up.”

“Huh?”

“I said wake up, fool!”

Lamar’s blissful dream had been interrupted by an unknown figure shaking him, literal raindrops hitting his face. He was still bleary eyed, only seeing a vague silhouette in front of him. A wet slap to the face rattled his brain around, the hangover settling in. Shit, was he still drunk? What time was it?

“Lamar! Get up!”

“Oh.. Th’fuck? Who- who that is?” He grunted out.

“It’s me you fuckin’ clown!”

“Frank?”

“Who the fuck else?”

“Why are you-”

He was abruptly yanked out of bed, thudding to the floor with a small “oof”.

“Get up you punk bitch!”

“Franklin what the fuck-”

He was grabbed again, tossed back onto his bed. Franklin straddled him, shaking Lamar by the collar.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He said, Lamar getting another slap to the face.

“What in the fresh fuck is you talkin’-” Another slap.

“15 fuckin’ missed phone calls! 15! Are you fuckin’ nuts?!”

Lamar’s eyes practically popped out of his head. 15? What the fuck did he say to him?

“I did what-”

Franklin shook him even harder by his shirt, stretching the material out. He was straining his voice now.

“You had me worried like fuckin’ crazy! I thought you was in some sorta fuckin’ trouble again! You blew my phone up when I told yo ass not to, and then didn’t fuckin’ pick up after I heard the first couple special messages you left me!”

Oh God. This was it. He told Franklin everything, didn’t he? The color drained from his face.

“Oh fuck me..” He mumbled, putting a hand over his eyes.

“What?!” Franklin yelled, shaking him again. Lamar’s head was pounding.

“Franklin.. what.. what I say on there? I barely remember a thing, let alone callin’ yo ass.”

“You seriously don’t fuckin’ remember?!”

“Yeah. Seriously, man.”

Franklin slid off of him, putting a palm to his face. He breathed through his nose hard, trying to calm down. Lamar realized he was drenched from the small downpour outside. Pellets of rain thumped against the window as a reminder that the storm never went away.

“You.. fuck, man. You started sayin’ all this shit about how bad a fuckin’ friend you was. That you, you was hidin’ all this shit and couldn’t live another day without tellin’ me.”

Okay. Good. He didn’t tell him the truth.

“You told me you wanted to die dog. Didn’t realize yo dumbass was safe n sound asleep in yo fuckin’ bed.”

“Oh.”

“…’Oh’? Is that really all you have to say?!”

“F, I was jus’ drunk. It was dumb of me, I know, but I.. It’s nothing, okay?”

“Don’t do this shit to me man! I’ve already dealt with enough of yo fuckin’ schemes n shit-”

“Frank.”

“It’s 3 am! You had Chop barkin’ his Goddamn head off the whole night!”

“Franklin.”

“Then I race my ass over here to find yo drunkass self passed out in bed-”

“Franklin.”

“What! What?! You finally gonna put yo two cents in for once?”

“Stop yelling. My head hurts like a bitch right now.”

“Good! I’m fuckin’ glad because I know mine does as well you fuckin’ asshole!”

Lamar looked pathetically up at him. This was getting out of hand. He let it go on for too long.

“Why did you come here then?” He croaked.

“Because you were fuckin’ sobbin’ into the phone! All I heard was you cryin’ like mad fuckin’ crazy and it scared me. You don’t ever do that shit, not even when you fucked up.”

“How much I say?”

“I got the first message pretty fuckin’ clear, the rest was jus’ incoherent bullshit. I barely got through the second one before speedin’ on over. You sounded hurt n shit, I thought something happened. I thought you was a goner.”

“No weird shit though right? I ain’t say nothin’ bad?”

“What? Lamar, what the fuck are you on about? I just told you what yo ass cried out to me! I couldn’t even understand any of the other messages!”

“Okay, okay. That’s.. good I guess.”

“That’s good? Fuckin’ hell, why did I come here? You- ugh!”

“Franklin. Can you jus’ sit down before you pop a fuckin’ blood vessel? You stressin’ for nothin’.”

If anything, Lamar should be the one stressing right now. He had been so close to confessing without knowing. Franklin sat next to him, arms crossed.

“Franklin.”

“What.”

“I’m sorry that I scared you. I didn’t mean to.”

“Well good fuckin’ job, you accomplished that real well didn’t you.” He said, sarcastically applauding him.

“I thought you were cutting me off for good homie. You think I was gon’ let that happen?”

“Lamar, that still ain’t a good reason to freak me out like that in the middle of the night.”

“It’s only cuz you hadn’t been listenin’ to me bro. I’ve been wanting to tell you somethin’ so badly lately and I never.. got the chance.”

“Then do pray fuckin’ tell LD, what the fuck is so important that you had to do this shit to me at 3 AM!”

“Franklin man, c’mon-”

“No! Don’t start!”

Franklin stood, heading for the door as he spoke. He stopped in the threshold.

“Tell me what the fuck is goin’ on with you, or I’m leavin’ yo sad ass here to wallow. I mean it L.”

“Don’t be like that. Please man. I want to, but I-”

“Jus’ fuckin’ tell me! Why won’t you tell me?!”

“Frank-”

“I dragged my ass all the way over here for nothin’ didn’t I? You ain’t dead, you ain’t sayin’ shit, you jus’ bein’ so- ugh! Fuck!” He threw his hands up, exiting Lamar’s bedroom.

“I’m done man, fuck this.”

“Franklin wait- don’t go-” He pleaded.

Franklin did nothing but leave him stranded again, thunder rolling far in the distance. Lamar ran after him as he walked out the door, hearing the rain heavily hit the pavement. His mind was racing far ahead of him. Franklin was leaving, he was leaving for good, and he couldn’t. He can’t. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. Franklin can’t do that, he can’t-

His mind had gone so far away, that he didn’t even realize that he had tackled Franklin to the ground. The two of them fell to the ground with a loud splat, followed by sounds of pain.

“Lamar what the fuck?!”

“Don’t go! Fuckin’ hell, I gotta chase yo ass and for what?!”

“Get off me dog!”

“No!” Franklin was pinned beneath him. The raindrops that rolled off of Lamar hit him in the face.

It reminded Lamar of when they were younger, playing football or whatever sport they could outside even as the deluge soaked them both to the bone. The roles had been reversed, with Franklin constantly knocking him down onto the grassy sludge. They got quite an earful from Lamar’s mom as they tracked mud in the house upon returning. It was a memory amongst many that stuck with him like glue. Those memories couldn’t go away. Franklin couldn’t go away.

Tears mixed in with the rain as he yelled out to him.

“You fuckin’ idiot! Why you makin’ this shit so hard for me?! You keep leavin’ before I can even finish!”

Franklin struggled to break free from Lamar’s grip on his wrists, huffing as he looked away.

“Look at me!” Lamar shouted, grabbing his face with a free hand.

“I didn’t wanna fuckin’ tell you like this, but Jesus Christ! For fucks sake you stubborn asshole-”

He was doing it. He bit the fucking bullet.

“You know how we got into that fuckin’ argument last week? When I told you that I was dealin’ with that whole love thing, I wasn’t talkin’ about yo Aunt, a hoe, nobody else! I was talkin’ about you!”

Lamar threw himself off of him, stumbling backwards. Franklin propped himself onto his elbows. He finally said it. He said it, and he was far from finished.

“But you didn’t wanna fuckin’ listen! And now I’ve fucked our friendship over for a second time! All because of you! This whole thing has been drivin’ me fuckin’ insane lately, and I couldn’t do shit about it! I tried so, so hard to avoid this, but nothin’ ever goes my way, huh?! Every time I think a plan of mine’ll work, it doesn’t! You know why?!”

Opening his arms wide, he spoke loud and clear, finishing his rant.

“Lemme remind you: I’m Lamar fuckin’ Davis! The biggest fuckin’ fool, fuckin’ clown, fuckin’ whatever you wanna call me! Lamar Davis, the most naïve bitch on the planet! Fuck me for thinking that this would ever go well!”

Now it was his turn to leave. But he didn’t go back into his house. His legs moved for him, walking in no particular direction. He just needed to get away from Franklin, not caring about how damp his clothes were now. He was shaking, and he didn’t know if it was from the rain or the range of emotions he was flying through.

He could hear a pair of sneakers squishing behind him. Franklin was running, and he was catching up fast.

“Ay Lamar! Get back here!”

Oh fuck. He was chasing after him now. That’s not good. Lamar started running himself, not caring about possibly slipping and falling on his ass. Only a few hours ago, he had told himself he couldn’t be without Franklin. Now all he wanted to do was run away.

“Lamar!”

Fuck fuck fuck.

He wasn’t fast enough. The second time they hit the ground, Lamar had the wind knocked right out of him, the duo splashing right into a puddle. Hands gripped his shoulders, flipping him around.

“Lamar!”

There were only a few instances in his life where Lamar felt small. He’d always been big in character, big in height, and according to him, big in other ways. But this was one of those moments where he couldn’t help but flinch, wanting to collapse in on himself. He was so tired.

“If you gon’ beat my ass or somethin’ jus’ get it over with.” He sighed, shutting his eyes tight.

When he felt nothing but raindrops touch his face, he opened his eyes slowly. His heart sank when he did. Franklin was visibly upset, guilt in his eyes.

“Lamar. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

A wave of déjà vu washed over him. Oh. So that’s what precognition meant. Motherfucking psychic lady.

“You should’ve jus’ told me man.”

“I tried dog. You wouldn’t hear me out.”

“Cuz I.. I thought you got with someone. I didn’t wanna hear it straight from yo mouth if you was.”

He shifted up, Frank sitting in his lap.

“Y’know I always thought that.. Part of me jus’ kinda thought that it’d always be the two of us. I’m never gonna get Tanisha back.. but you..”

Franklin looked away.

“You a crazy ass loyal motherfucker man. You stuck by my side no matter what, and some dumbass part of me was convinced that you… I mean fuck, so many times I thought you would jus’ flat out say something. Somethin’ so I could stop waiting for the one other person I had known forever to just say that they fuckin’ loved me like that.”

Lamar blinked, rainwater getting into his eyes. It wasn’t quite as serene as his dream had been, nor was it verbatim, but Lamar didn’t care. There was something about the way the water droplets sat along Franklin’s face, highlighted by a streetlight behind him that made him look angelic.

“When you started actin’ all weird it jus’.. made me so fuckin’ mad man. I thought you was gon’ pick someone else over me. Jus’ like Tanisha did.”

“Franklin..”

“So why didn’t you jus’ say somethin’ sooner? I waited. Hell, I don’t even know why I did at first.”

“Franklin.”

“But now I’m realizin’ you must not have even noticed yoself what you was feelin’, when I fuckin’ did. I noticed and you didn’t and-”

Lamar grabbed him by the face, grip surprisingly strong after being in the rain.

“How many times do I gotta say yo name for you to hear me?”

The rain kept falling, never slowing for either one of them. Yet, it felt like time stopped. Lamar chuckled lightly.

“Franklin Clinton and Lamar Davis. Two of the dumbest motherfuckers in LS. Homies for life.”

“Yeah. Homies for life.”

His hands never left Franklin’s face. He pressed their foreheads together, lowering his voice.

“I love you, bum ass bitch.”

“Yeah yeah. I love you too.”

He kissed the top of his head, moving his hands down to embrace him in a tight hug. When was the last time they did this? As he thought it over, he could hear Franklin’s voice muffled against his chest.

“Don’t scare me like that again. Next time save us both the trouble n jus’ spill yo heart out. Dramatic motherfucker.”

The words had no malice in them, Lamar feeling him smile as he said it. He kissed him once more, and they just sat in the rain, feeling it bathe them in fond memories.

//plz listen to remember the rain by 21st century it’s so good 💔😭 anyway ya i decided to end it on a sorta happy note !!!!! franklin is a stubborn guy smh,, sorry for any typos lol also i rlly had no idea where i wanted to go with this so sorry if it’s weird or whatever

[wiypt-writes]

Riding High

Ch21: The Truth ‘Bill’ Out…

Chapter Summary: Fliss and Frank both struggle to deal with the aftermath of their break up.

 Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words.

 Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

 A/N: Ok, I’m sorry I upset you with the last chapter… 

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding High Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 20

Take a shot in the rain, one for the pain, and listen up

Frank woke the next morning fully clothed on the sofa. Squinting, he groaned at the pain in his head, scrambling to find his phone. As he swiped it to cancel his alarm, his thumb paused as he glanced at the photo of Fliss and Mary on the screen. Swallowing he turned the screen off, tossed his phone onto the table and pushed himself up, trudging to the shower. 

He had spent most of the night drinking the expensive scotch his mother had bought him, trying to understand what had happened. He had tried to call Fliss, messaged her but her response had been a single text telling him she was sorry and requesting that he respect her decision. The worst thing had been trying to explain to Mary. Frank didn't believe in lying to her, certainly not if he could help it, but he had completely chickened out and told her that Fliss had some paperwork to do and would be staying at the annex for the night. Mart had accepted this, and it had bought him enough time to figure out what the fuck he was going to say. 

He stumbled into the shower and then decided that the state his head was in he wasn't going to function in work. So once he was dried and had awoken Mary, he called his supervisor and said he had a migraine so wouldn't be in. He then made Mary a sandwich and then once she was packed off on the bus he turned and headed back home. 

Once in the living room he looked around. It was littered with reminders of her. Photos, a hoody draped over the back of the chair, those fucking scatter cushions on the sofa. It was screaming at Frank to get rid if it all, but he couldn't. Not yet. He was still clinging to something desperate hope that she would come back, explaining what had happened and they'd work through it. 

And then there was a knock at the door. He paused for a moment, before it opened and a familiar voice called his name.

"Frank? Son?"

He turned to face Bill as he walked through the door.

"She sent you for her stuff?" Frank asked and Bill eyed him for a moment before he shook his head.

"No. She hasn't. And, well even if she asked me to come get it I wouldn't...this is her mess, not mine."

Frank looked at him for a moment before he shrugged and headed into the kitchen grabbing the coffee from the cupboard.

"So what are you here for, Bill?"

"Honestly?" Bill raised his eyebrows, "to see how you were..."

"Fucking marvellous." Frank said, slamming the cupboard shut. "M’girlfriend's left me, giving me no reason, I'm hungover to shit and at some point today I gotta figure out what I tell Mary."

 He leaned back against the kitchen counter and pinched his nose before he scrubbed his hand down his face.

"How is she?" Frank looked at Bill. Bill sighed and shook his head.

"Hardly said a word since she came home yesterday evening." Bill shrugged. "Other than to tell she had ended things with you, that it was her decision and she wasn't going into it."

"She didn’t go into it with me either so..." Frank snorted, shaking his head. "So if you've come to find out what’s going on I can't help you because I don’t know."

"No, honestly Frank...I meant it when I said I came to see how you were. V and I were worried..."

Frank was about to shoot some sarcastic response back but when he saw Bill's face was arranged with genuine concern he simply shrugged and looked down, shaking his head.

"I love her, Bill...and I thought things were going great. I just don't understand."

With a sigh Bill stepped forward and gripped Frank's shoulder.

"I'm really mad at her Frank." Bill sighed. "But I know she’s hurting too...don't give up on her. Not just yet."

Frank scratched at his head as Bill released his grip on his shoulder. "She made it quite clear she doesn’t want to see me or talk to me.”

"She doesn’t know what she wants" Bill shook his head. "All am asking is that you at least try to talk to her."

"I need time too, Bill." Frank sighed. "I'm angry and upset myself. I can't face her yet. It’s gonna be bad enough taking Mary up to see Monty..."

"I know." Bill nodded. “And if you ever want me to take Mary instead so you don’t have to, certainly for the time being, I'm happy to do so."

Frank nodded. “Thanks Bill."

"Well you know where to find me." Bill shrugged as he took a deep breath. “Look, you know me and Verity love you and Mary, we really do. Verity’s besides herself at the possibility you’re not gonna be in our lives again, and-“

He trailed off and Frank saw a flicker of worry flash across the older man's face.

"Bill..." Frank shook his head gently. "I'll not stop you and Verity seeing Mary. As long as you're happy to do so. I just, well I just don’t want it to be awkward for you and Fliss, meaning there's to be a point later where you leave her life too. She’s had enough turmoil over the last twelve months to last a lifetime ..."

"No I get that." Bill nodded. “And thanks Frank. You're a good man."

Frank nodded and Bill gave him another small smile before he turned and headed out.

 ***** Mary didn’t take the news brilliantly, as Frank had anticipated. She’d teared up and asked Frank why Fliss wanted to leave them, to which Frank had answered as honestly as he could, that he simply didn’t know but that it was nothing to do with her. And then she’d surprised him by saying, for the first time ever that she didn’t want to go to Roberta’s that night, but she wanted to stay with him. They ordered pizza and watched a film, huddled together on the sofa. She didn’t mention Fliss again other than to say she didn’t want to go for her riding lesson either the next day, instead saying she would go during the week. Out of courtesy more than anything Frank messaged Fliss to let her know. After an hour or so she replied simply to tell him that it was fine and she would make sure he was looked after.

Monday morning rolled around and Frank was glad of the distraction if he was honest, burying himself into his work. And during the day he was ok because his mind was busy but in the evening, after Mary had gone to bed and he himself was getting ready to hit the sack, he found himself simply staring at Fliss’s toothbrush and toiletries. Unable to look at them anymore he grabbed the various bottles of stuff belonging to her and placed them all in one of the wicker boxes held under the sink in the unit.

Tuesday evening he spent with Simon and Greg. Simon had heard from Bonnie what had happened when she had called Fliss. Simon informed Frank that Fliss had refused to talk to Bonnie about it and just asked the woman to leave it alone. They had a few beers, talked, it was a good distraction for a while but again once they left, Frank was alone with his thoughts and an aching in his chest.

And it wasn’t just his thoughts. It was the physical reminders. As well as the photos and cushions, there was the dog basket in the bedroom that belonged to Thor, when he decided to sleep on it and not Mary’s bed that is. Fliss’ favourite mug, the blue and gold shimmering wine glasses they’d bought at IKEA, her clothes in the fucking closet. Frank had no idea what he was supposed to do. Did he pack it up and take it to her, or wait for her to come and claim it?

Wednesday morning Mary told him she wanted to go and see Mary so Frank nodded. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. On the one hand he was happy he’d at least get to see Fliss, maybe they could have a reasonable conversation but on the other he knew seeing her was going to tear him in two. He also was a little worried how Mary was going to react. He called Fliss, and unsurprisingly she didn’t pick up. But she did call him back a little after lunch.

“Hi.” he said, a little nervously as he answered.

“HI.” she replied quietly “I err, I had a call so…”

“Oh, yeah, erm, Mary wants to come up and see Monty so I wanted to make sure it was ok.” “Of course its ok.” she said gently, “Frank, I’d never stop her coming up to see her pony.”

 “No I know that, I just…” Frank took a deep breath, “It doesn’t matter, we’ll see you later.” “Ok, erm, bye.” “Yeah, bye.”

He cut the call, his throat was dry and he felt like his heart was about to pound out through his chest. And that had been simply at the sound of her voice. It had been a week since he’d heard it and now it had knocked him for six. And suddenly he wasn’t looking forward to seeing her at all.

****** Fliss tossed her phone down and ran her hands over her face. She was tired. Since moving back into the annex she hadn’t been sleeping properly, having nightmares for the first time in almost a year. She wasn’t eating either and she was continually snapping at her parents too as they were crowding her she felt. Almost as much as when she had left Boston. She knew they were simply concerned, as was Bonnie but she just simply wanted to be left alone. She was hurting too, leaving Frank had killed her, it was the worst thing she had ever been through, worse than any beating John had inflicted on her.

She also knew at some point she was going to have to face him, go round and collect her stuff. Her mum and dad had made it quite clear they weren’t going to bail her out on that one, which was understandable she guessed. They were upset too, her dad especially as he was very close to Frank, and they both loved Mary as if she was their own grandchild.

It wasn’t just her own life or Frank’s she’d thrown into chaos, it was theirs too.

She wiped at her eyes, stood up and headed out into the late October sun, striding over to the paddock as she rolled her shoulder which was sore from the tumble out of bed she’d taken in the middle of the night. It was her dodgy shoulder, the one John had dislocated as part of one of his beatings, so she knew that was going to be troubling her for a good week or so now she’d jarred it again. But in some sick, twisted way she relished the pain. A physical manifesto of the agony she was feeling inside.

She had three clients that afternoon, so the time whizzed by and before she knew it it was half four and Mary would be arriving any second. She turned and headed into her office, trying to calm herself down, feeling her anxiety spiking. Thor, having sensed it, gently nuzzled his nose onto her lap as he always did and she sat for a quiet fifteen minutes simply breathing and stroking his soft head and ears, glad he was giving her something of a grounding. And then his ears pricked up as he caught the familiar sound of Frank’s truck and giving a low whine of excitement he shot off across the yard.

Taking a deep breath Fliss stood up and walked out of her office and saw Frank walking onto the main courtyard, Mary’s hand in his.

“HI…” Fliss greeted him a little tentatively, and he gave her a small smile, his eyes hidden behind his aviators.

“Hi.” he said gently.

“HI Mary.” Fliss looked at her and Mary glanced up, before she looked away.

“Hi.” she replied a little stiffly. Fliss swallowed and then took a deep breath.

“Do you want to ride today or…” “No.” Mary shook her head “Not with you.” “Mary.” Frank looked down at her “Remember what I said in the truck…”

Mary took a deep breath and looked down at her feet, her boots kicking at the slate gravel which covered the yard before she looked up at Fliss “I just want to do my jobs and brush him today.” “Okay, well, he’s in the pasture. Do you want me to come-“ “I’ll ask Joanna.” Mary said, as she let go of Frank’s hand.

“She’s in the back barn, tell her I sent you.” Mary didn’t reply, she simply headed off.

“She’s upset.” Frank explained as he watched her go. He turned to Fliss and shrugged “She’ll come round.”

Fliss gave him a small smile. “Do you want a drink or anything?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.” he shook his head “Think I’m gonna go with Stack, actually.” “Sure.” Fliss nodded, “I’ll be in the office. If she needs me or changes her mind about riding, just…” Frank gave her a tight smile again before he headed off.

Fliss watched him leave, claiming her hand over her mouth tightly before she pinched the bridge of her nose, screwing up her eyes to try and stem the tears which were threatening to come. Composing herself she turned and headed back into her office and started to busy herself with some lesson plans.

It was about forty minutes later when there was a knock at the door and Frank poked his head in.

“We’re gonna get off.” he said, “Do you want Monty back out or…”

“No, it’s fine.” she stood up “I’ll do it later once he’s been fed.” At that he nodded, turning to go.

“Is Mary ok?” Fliss asked and Frank stopped. He took a deep breath and turned to face her.

“What do you think?” Frank’s voice was a little harsher than it had been before and Fliss hung her head.

“Sorry. Can I talk to her.” “Be my guest.” he shrugged, turning once more to leave “Not sure it will do you much good.”

Fliss rose from her chair, her hands shaking a little as she headed out after him. Mary was packing her brushes back in the little box kept by Monty’s stable.

“Hey.” Fliss greeted her “Was he a good boy?” “He’s always a good boy.” Mary shrugged, standing up and stroking his nose.

“That’s true.” Fliss said, her hands slipping into the pockets of her breeches. “So, do you want to ride at weekend? We can try that jumping…”

"Why don't you love me or Frank anymore?" Mary cut her off, spinning to face her. Fliss felt her heart break even further as she looked at the little girl who was staring at her, her large eyes wide and wet with tears. "No, no Mary..." she crouched down and looked at the girl. "I do. I do love you, I love you so much, I just..." "You just don't love Frank anymore?" Fliss took a deep breath, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I'll always love Frank." "Then why did you leave our home?" Mary began to sob. "What did he do?" "Mary." Fliss shook her head "I just had to. I wish I could explain it better but I can't. You're too young to..." "Stop saying that!" Mary yelled and she spun round, pointing at Frank who had up until that point had been stood at the door to the barn, deliberately looking the other way. Hearing her outburst he turned in time to see Mary raise her hand towards him. "He keeps telling me that too, but I'm not stupid! Why do you both keep treating me like I am?" "Mary..." Frank said softly as he strode towards her. "Come on..." "I hate you.” Mary glared at Fliss who looked as though she has been physically slapped. Her head dropped and she looked down at the floor taking a deep breath. "Mary." Frank shook his head "Don’t say that." "I do." Mary's face was full of rage "She made you cry, she made me cry! She promised she would always be there and now she's not and..." "Okay." He said gently, crouching down in front of her, a meter or so away from Fliss. "I get that you're angry but be kind huh?” "Why should I?" Mary shook her head. "Because I'm asking ya to." Frank said softly. "I told you before on the way here that this..." he gestured with his hand between himself and Fliss, his eyes flicking to the woman's face as she wiped a tear from her cheek, “us breaking up...it doesn’t mean that Fliss doesn't care about you." "If she did she wouldn't be leaving me!" Mary blazed and at that point Frank shook his head. "It’s me she's leaving Stack, not you."

 Fliss took a deep breath and stood up, turning away, her hand covering her mouth. Frank glanced up at her before he turned to Mary.

"Go wait in the truck." He said to her gently "I won’t be be long"

Mary shot one last look at Fliss before she did as Frank had said and headed off out of the barn and disappeared out of sight.

"Sorry." Frank looked at Fliss as she turned to face him "She shouldn't have said that."

"It doesn't matter..." Fliss shook her head avoiding his gaze. "She’s every right to be angry. I have let her down."

"I think it might be best, certainly for the foreseeable if you take care of Monty." Frank kept his voice even and Fliss looked up at him, a mix of sadness and surprise on her face.

"But he is her pony..."

"Oh come on Fliss." He snorted and shook his head. “Surely you can't be that naive as to think that thinks could just carry on..."

"No but..."

"How can I bring her here if every time she comes she’s gonna react like that?" Frank ran his hand through his hair. “It's me that has to deal with the fall out and I'm struggling to deal with my own feelings at the moment"

 “Okay, if that’s what you want…” “No, I don’t want!” Frank shook his head. “I don’t want any of this, but you’ve made it perfectly clear you do and I’ll respect that. I just wish you respected me enough to tell me why.” “Frank, please…” “You left, with no explanation, other than it wasn’t working, but there’s more to it, I can see it written on your face.” his voice was level but his jaw was twitching “Don’t you think I have a right to know?” Fliss tipped her head back and looked up at the sky, blinking back her tears as he continued.

“How would you feel if I had walked out on you, with nothing more than some shitty explanation about it not working and needing space, when a month before we’d been planning for a future together? Fliss, I wanted to marry you, spend my forever with you and…” He trailed off, shaking his head looking around “I’ve spent the last week in a daze, I lay awake at night trying to understand and I just can’t…and that’s the worst bit.” Fliss looked down at her feet and shook her head softly.

“And that’s all you can do or say?” Frank snorted “Absolutely fucking nothing?”

“I’m sorry.” she looked at him, her eyes full of tears “I really am.”

“Yeah, well, so am I.” he said simply, “let me know when you want to collect your stuff from the apartment, I’ll make sure it’s ready.” and with that he turned and left.

*****

“I think it’s the fuel line…” Bill walked back into the office where Fliss and Verity were sat having a coffee whilst he had been taking a look at Fliss’ wagon. It was early Friday evening and she’d wanted nothing more than to load Heidi up and take her for a blast down the beach to clear her mind, but when she had gone to start the wagon to move it out so she could load up her tack it had refused to start. “But I can’t be certain. Not something I can sort really…you’ll need a mechanic.” he turned to look at her “If only you knew one…” “Don’t start Dad.” Fliss shook her head. “Just…”

“Bill…” Verity gave him a warning glare, and Bill simply took a deep breath, shaking his head.

“I’ll speak to Alan, see if he knows a decent one that can come look at it.”

“Thanks.” Fliss said, standing up “I’m gonna go check the fields. Can you just throw the keys back in the drawer?”

“Sure, see you at home yeah?”

She nodded, called Thor to her and headed out.

Bill shook his head and moved to open the drawer to the desk. He tossed the keys inside, and then frowned as he saw the manila envelope that was stuffed inside.

“What is it?” Verity asked.

“That…that’s a Boston post mark….” he mumbled, lifting it out. With a frown, knowing full well there was only one person really from Boston that would be sending Fliss stuff, he turned it over and pulled out the printed photograph. His eyes scanned it and he let out an angry noise and strode out into the courtyard.

“Fliss!” he bellowed “Fliss, get back here right now…” “What’s going on?” Verity asked, and he thrust the photo at her by means of an explanation.

Fliss, having heard her dad shouting stopped dead and turned back to look at the office. She glanced down at Thor before she turned back and headed towards him.

“What’s…” she stopped dead as she saw the envelope on the desk and the photo in her mother’s hand.

“Care to explain this?” Bill said, snatching the paper out of Verity’s fingers and slamming it down on the desk."

"You had no right to go looking through my stuff." she looked at him, angrily.

 "Oh cut the crap, Liss." Bill shook his head “When did you get that?”

“Last Wednesday.” she said softly.

“Last Wednesday?” Verity frowned, “that was the day you finished with Frank…” she trailed off as the dots connected in her head as Fliss looked down at the floor. “Oh please tell me I’m wrong…” 

Fliss didn’t respond.

“I cannot believe you.” Bill looked at her “This? This is why you ended it? Over some pathetic threat without even telling him?"

"It isn’t pathetic!" Fliss looked up at her dad, her eyes blazing. "I know what he is capable of..."

"Well in that case don't you think Frank has the right to know?" Bill glared at her. "If you believe Mary is in danger then you should have told Frank and gone to the police..."

Fliss swallowed and looked down, shaking her head "I know John. This is about having control over me. If he thinks he’s won he will leave them alone…”

"You’re so fucking stupid." Bill sighed.

“Bill…” Verity spoke gently, trying to calm him down but he was too far gone to listen.

"You've let him win Liss, after everything you went through….”

"This isn’t about him winning!" Fliss practically screamed "This about keeping Mary and Frank safe...not only from him but…well, can you imagine what Frank would have done if he’d seen that?"

“So have you rung John and told him you've done what he wants?"

“Of course I fucking haven't"

"No fault whatsoever in your logic there, huh Titch..." Bill snorted, sarcastically "Tell me, how exactly do you expect him to know it’s over?"

 Fliss looked at her dad for a moment, floundering for a response. But she didn’t have one.

"Frank has a right to know about that photo, and more so he deserves to understand why you walked out on him." Bill shook his head, as Verity gently placed a hand on his arm. 

“"If you wanna discuss rights then I don’t have the right to put a target on his or Mary’s back.” Fliss screamed back before she took a deep breath, shaking her head “Now I’m going for a walk. See you at home.”

Bill watched as she left the office, an angry noise escaping from his throat.

“You were a bit hard on her there Billy.” Verity said, looking at him.

“She needed it.” Bill sighed. He placed both his hands on the desk and hung his head slightly “I can’t believe she’s been so stupid.” “She’s scared.” Verity said gently “She’s not thinking straight…” “You can say that again.” he looked at the photo for a second before he reached out and grabbed it, shoving it back in the envelope. He paused for a second, holding it in his hand before he turned to Verity “And I’m not standing for it…come one” “Where are we going?” Verity called after him as they made their way towards his car.

“To find Frank.” “Bill, we can’t…” Verity shook her head “If we go behind her back…” “Then you can wait in the car Verity.” he looked at her. “I don’t care what she says anymore, I’m not standing back and watching her throw anymore of her life away over that ass hole. And that aside, Frank has a right to know. So seeing as she’s too fucking stubborn to do it herself, then I’m gonna do it for her.”

***** “Thought I might find you here.”

Frank turned to look at Bill as he slid into the seat at the opposite side of the table to him in Ferg’s.

“Yeah well, not like I got much else to do.” Frank shrugged, taking a drink from his bottle.

“How many have you had?” Bill asked

“What are you my dad?” Frank shot back, turning to glare at him. Bill merely raised his eyebrows in response and Frank sighed, shaking his head.

“Sorry…” he took a deep breath “This is my first. Not been here long”

“Good. You're still sober enough to think straight.” “Think straight about what?” Frank frowned. After a second or so pause Bill reached into his pocket and slid an envelope across the surface of the table.

“What’s this?” Frank frowned.

“An explanation.” Bill sighed, “Well, of sorts anyway.” Frank looked at him, frowning before he placed his bottle down and picked the envelope up. He pulled out the paper from inside and glanced down at it. As soon as he saw the message typed out he felt the heat rise up his neck and into his face, anger flooding his system.

“Fuck.” Frank said loudly, shaking his head “He sent this?” Bill nodded.

“And this...this is why she broke it off?” “She thought if she finished it, gave John what he wanted as in to make her life a fucking misery, that he’d back off and it would mean you and Mary were safe.” Frank ran his hand through his hair “Why the fuck didn't she tell me?” “Because she was scared. Scared of what he would do and scared of your reaction” “My reaction?”

“Tell me you’re not thinking about hunting the fucker down and killing him yourself.” Bill looked at him and Frank looked away.

“If it wasn’t for Mary I’d have done that months ago.” he shook his head.

“Exactly. She was worried that this might have been that step that pushed you over the edge.” Bill shrugged. “Look, I’m not saying she’s right... in fact I’ve told her the opposite but, well, I just thought you had a right to know.”

“Can I keep this?” Frank asked after a moment’s pause “Regardless of what Fliss says, I’m taking this to the police this time.” “By all means.” Bill said. “But they’ll want to speak to Fliss so…”

“Tough.” Frank shrugged. “Now he’s pulled Mary into it I’m not fucking about anymore Bill.”

Bill nodded and stood up, clapping him on the shoulder. “Don’t think too badly of her Frank. I know she’s fucked up but she did think she was doing the right thing. We do stupid things to protect the people we love, as you know only too well.” Frank looked up at him and then back down to the photo. Bill turned to leave before he stopped and looked back over his shoulder.

“By the way, she’ll be at the yard.” He said, locking eyes with Frank. “Probably for another hour or so if the last week has been anything to go by. Just in case you wanted a more detailed explanation straight from the horse’s mouth so to speak.”

And with that he left Frank at the bar. Frank once more glanced down at the photo, before he rubbed at his beard. Now he had his explanation, his head was a mess of thoughts. He was angry, so angry that she’d done this, that she’d kept this from him but despite all of that, despite the fury and resentment he was feeling he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of sympathy for her, that she’d tried to deal with all this on her own to keep him and Mary from having to.

“You fucking idiot, Lissy…” he mumbled, before he shoved the photo back in the envelope and stood up, heading out to his truck.

**** Fliss was hanging Heidi’s bridle up in the tack room after a spontaneous ride around the fields when Thor gave a quick bark and shot out. Frowning, she headed to the door of the office, her eyes growing wide as she saw Frank striding purposely towards her, the setting sun illuminating his tall figure and the familiar envelope clutched in his hand.

Fuck…

“Care to explain this?” he waved it in the air as he reached the office threshold

“How did you…” “Your Dad.” he said, thrusting it at her “He came to find me. Thought I had a right to know, and you know what…I’m kinda inclined to agree with him.”

“Frank…” “Were you ever gonna tell me?” he asked, tossing the envelope onto the desk “That he had made a threat towards Mary?” “I dealt with it.” she shook her head “There was no need to worry you.”

“You dealt with it?” His voice was disbelieving “How? By ending things?” “Yes.” She nodded “Breaking it off with you…it was the best way of keeping you both safe.” “You are fucking unbelievable.” he shook his head “You ripped our lives from underneath us…”

“This hasn’t been easy on me either Frank!” she cut him off, angrily “Fuck, leaving you…it broke me. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before. You know, I’d rather take thousand beatings from John over that because…” she trailed off as Frank looked at her, her words sinking in as she shook her head and looked away, tears falling down her face “…because at least the physical pain would die down…”

“Don’t.” Frank shook his head, his voice cracking “Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth. I had to keep you safe.” she turned her head to face him, “Both of you…”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he pressed.

Fliss looked at him, her mouth opening before she shut it again and shook her head, her eyes dropping to the floor “I had to keep you safe…” “Keep us safe…that’s not answering my question.” She shook her head again. “Damnit Lissy, look at me.”

She raised her face to his, obediently.

“Why?” he pressed.

“I was frightened it might tip you over the edge…make you do something stupid.”

“Stupid? Like what?” “Like go and hunt him down.” she swallowed.

“Seriously?”

“Yes!” she nodded. “You moved Mary over a thousand miles to keep her away from your own mother...”

“That is NOT the same…” Frank blazed at her

“And I was scared that if you saw this…you’d do something bad and then both of us would end up without you and…” “Fuck!”  Frank exploded, slamming his open palm down on the desk with a loud bang. Fliss immediately jumped back, her eyes wide with fright and Frank took a deep breath, as he realised he’d scared her. Besides him Thor gave a low rumble of a growl, and the large dog moved towards Fliss, turning his eyes on Frank. Fliss laid a hand on his head.

“Thor, shh…” she said softly, and he immediately stopped, but never once averted his gaze from Frank.

“Sorry, I…” Frank swallowed, concentrating on his breathing as he looked at her. “Why didn’t you just talk to me?” “I don’t know…I’m sorry.” she sniffed, wiping her face. “I just…”

“Have I ever given you reason to be scared of what I’d do or say or…” “No, of course not…” “So what the fuck makes you think I wouldn’t understand how upset and scared you were over this?”

“I don’t know.” she shrugged “I wasn’t thinking straight…” “You weren’t thinking at all…” Frank shook his head “I can’t believe you’ve been so goddamned stupid.”

“I’m sorry…” she looked at him, looking down “I know…I was an idiot and you’ve every right to be angry and hate me…” “I don’t hate you Liss.” Frank sighed softly “I fucking love you, more than I can even begin to explain.” At that Fliss let out a loud sniff and wiped at her nose with her hand. 

“And you know what the worst thing about all this is?” He spoke again and she looked at him, waiting for him to finish. “Is that I know I’ll never be able to stop loving you.”

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. It was the truth, he couldn't ever see a point in his life where he would be able to switch those feelings off. Fliss' drew in a ragged breath and as he looked at her he saw something on her face which he recognised instantly, it was the same look she had worn when she told him she had found out John had been released, utter broken helplessness. She shook her head sadly and he could do nothing but watch, his own chest rising and falling deeply as she slid down to the floor, her knees buckling beneath her. Thor pushed his face into hers, gently nuzzling at her as she tangled her hands into his fur.

"I don’t deserve to be loved..." she shook her head as her silent tears continued to flow freely "not at that cost..."

Her words hit Frank like a tonne of bricks and he took a deep breath and shook his head.

“Don’t…” he stumbled over his words slightly as he took a step towards her “Don’t say that! Ever again you hear me?” he knelt in front of her as she hugged her knees tightly to her chest. Thor, eyeing Frank again, moved back a little, clearly deciding the man posed no threat. Frank reached out and scratched his ear slightly before he gently placed his hands on Fliss’, prising them from around her knees gently, moving her arms so that her body opened up slightly to him “Fliss you are worthy of all the love in the world...why don’t you see it? Why are you pushing me away?” “I’m sorry… I’m… I…” She fell into him, sobs wracking her small frame as she pressed her face into his chest, her hands moving from her knees, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. "Hey...sshhh..." he hushed her, one hand on the back of her head as he cradled her to him "it's okay…” He sat with her on the tiled floor of the office, no longer even bothering to fight his own tears as he pressed his face into her hair and kissed the top of her head as he rocked her gently whilst she cried. Eventually her sobs began to die down into soft cries, her body finally stopped shaking as the cries then subsided into sniffles but still she clung to him as if her life depended on it, simply concentrating on calming herself, allowing his familiar touch and smell to wash over her, ground her. Frank made to pull back slightly, but the moment caused Fliss to panic slightly and she made a grab for him. "No, please...don't go...don't..." "I'm not going anywhere." he promised her quietly as he cupped her cheeks with both his hands, turning her face up to look at him. "You're a fucking idiot you know that?" She gave a soft, watery splutter of a laugh as she nodded in agreement, his thumbs gently wiping her tears away. "But you're my idiot." "I don't deserve you..." she shook her head, averting her eyes from his "Frankie, I don't..." "Stop it." He said sternly, his grip on her face became a little stronger "Liss, look at me..." She swallowed and turned her big brown eyes to meet his, the hurt and pain evident on her pretty face. "I love you." He repeated his earlier statement and she took another deep, shaking breath. "I love you too." she sobbed, fresh tears rolling out of her eyes "Well then..." He looked at her, raising his eyebrows. "The question is, do you think that's enough to put this behind us?" "You want to?" She asked him, her voice almost a whisper, surprise still evident in her tone. "Of course I do." Frank sniffed and smiled at her. “I never wanted you to leave in the first place, Sweetheart." "What about Mary? She hates me..." Fliss shook her head. “And I don’t blame her." "No, she doesn't. She’s angry and lashing out. She tells me she hates me all the time, remember?" Frank smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind Fliss' ear "You might get the silent treatment for a day or so but well, some might call that a pleasant break." Fliss gave a snort of laughter before she finally let go of his shirt, reaching up with both hands to wipe at her face. "I bet I look a right state." She shook her head, looking down at her hands as the fingers on her left hand began to anxiously play with the ones on her right. "No more than usual." He quipped. "I still think you're beautiful." "Charmer." She said, her mouth curling up at one side into a glimmer of a smile, eyes still cast downwards. Frank reached out and gently took her chin between his finger and thumb, tilting her head upwards. She looked at him for a moment before he leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to her lips. A soft, lingering one, that was loaded with meaning as his hand once more rest against her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, her left hand coming up lay over his, her fingers sliding into the spaces between his own. He gently, pressed his forehead to hers, his own eyes closing as he slid his nose up against hers. "Take me home." She whispered to him and he could tell from her tone it was a question not a demand. He opened his eyes to see her looking at him with a hopeful expression that matched the tone of her voice "please." He smiled at her and nodded, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before he pushed himself up off the floor and offered her his hand. She took it, allowing him to pull her up on the floor and lacing his fingers between hers, he gently led them both towards the door. Once outside he paused to let her lock it before he gently slid his arm round her shoulders and she leaned into him as they walked towards his truck, Thor happily trotting behind them.

**** Chapter 22

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Logan's Flawless Plan to Getting Out of Being Sick

Ao3

Summary: Logan was sick. He was well-aware of this fact. He was also well-aware that he had better things to be doing than lying about and ‘resting.’ His husband disagrees Content: Sickfic, fever + coughing are the only mentioned symptoms, brief unsafe binding, one alcohol mention, taking more medicine than the dosage amount, the consequences of that (gaps in time/memory, minor hallucinations, senses going fuzzy), half-collapsing, swearing, transmale!logan, transmale!remy, lots of sappy losleep Pairing: Romantic losleep Notes: Three of them:        -Based on this post        -You’ll notice Logan doesn’t try to keep Remy from getting sick. This is bc they both know Remy’s already doomed to get sick, given he and Logan live together. This was important to me to say bfchsdf        -This story’s in Logan’s POV. And Logan is very loopy. Keep this in mind.

~~

    Logan was sick

    “You’re not going to work today.”

    Terribly, horribly sick.

    “Yes I am.”

    But that wasn’t going to stop him from doing his job, damnit.

    Logan heard his husband sigh as he tried to properly tie his tie for the fifth time. The normally easy, effortless action had become difficult, his fingers slow and fumbling as he tried to pull the loop together. He dropped the fabric with a huff after another attempt failed.

    Hands that weren’t his own entered his field of vision, tugging the tie off his neck. “You shouldn’t be wearing this anyways.” Remy murmured, likely tossing it to the side. “You’re already coughing enough without it.”

    “I’m not coug-” Logan broke off halfway through his sentence, taking a moment to cough into his arm and think about the irony of the moment, “-coughing that much.”

    “Mm-hmm. I call bullshit, darling.” Remy said, brushing some of Logan’s hair behind his ear before resting his hand against Logan’s forehead. “You’re burning up.”

    “I’m fine.”

    “You’re sick, is what you are.”

    “No, I just-” Logan once more paused to cough, Remy guiding him to sit back down on the bed when a few seconds passed and he was still coughing.

    “You want to finish that sentence?” Remy asked, tone slightly mocking but mostly concerned.

    “Alright, fine. I’m sick.” Logan admitted before continuing on petulantly, “But I’m still going to work.”

    “No, you’re not. You’ll just make yourself worse, and you’ll get all your students sick while you’re at it.”

    “They have better immune systems, and I‘ll keep plenty of distance between myself and them.” Logan reasoned. “I’m going to work.”

    Remy shook his head. “You have a minor death wish, babe. What’s so wrong with staying home and resting and being doted on by your wonderful boyfriend?”

    “Husband, Remy, we’re married.”

    Remy’s eyes widened in both surprise and recollection, and Logan let out a little content sigh, leaning his head against Remy’s shoulder. “We are, aren’t we?” Remy said, voice joyfully awed.

    “We are.” Logan confirmed. “I got you a very pretty ring for it and we exchanged some very cheesy vows and everything.”

    “I know. Just forgot for a moment.” Remy said, raising Logan’s left hand so he could press a kiss both to the back of his hand and over his wedding ring. Logan knew he should tell him not to, warn him of germs and the like, but he found it doubtful Remy would listen to him anyways. “Now. What’s so wrong with staying home and resting and being doted on by your wonderful husband?”

    “I have important lessons to teach. And it’s unfair to just abandon my students with no warning.” Logan answered. “They at least need a warning that I’m not going to be there tomorrow.”

    Remy rubbed circles into the back of Logan’s hand. “You really want to go in, huh.”

    “Yes. But only for today, I promise- I’ll stay home tomorrow.”

    “I’m not sure you can make it through the day, babe.” Remy said, concern once more leaking into his voice. “Your temp’s real high, and you haven’t even been up for an hour yet.”

    “One class then. I can leave a note for the rest of the classes. Please, Rem.” Logan begged. “Just one class.”

    Remy pulled his head back a bit, still allowing Logan’s head to remain on his shoulder while also letting him look at Logan’s face. “Why do you want to go in so badly, hun?”

    “I promised my students I wouldn’t flake out on them if they didn’t flake out on me. I have to keep that promise.”

    “I hardly count being too sick to work ‘flaking out.’”

    “Please, Remy, please?” Was Logan’s only response, using his new advantage of Remy being able to see his face by pouting. Remy always folded when he pouted. “One class. Just so I can leave notes for the students. Please.”

    Remy’s resolve against his pouting husband lasted for five seconds. “You know I hate it when you do it.” He huffed, though he didn’t sound very annoyed as he moved to card his fingers through Logan’s hair. “One class. That’s all.”

    Logan let out a sigh of relief and slumped further against Remy. “Thank you.”

    “You’re welcome, sweetheart.” Remy said. “But I’m coming with you to make sure you don’t try to stay longer. And you’re staying home tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. And you’re going to get changed into your comfy clothes. You don’t need to be in your polo and slacks right now.”

    “Fine.” Logan said neutrally, still just thankful he had managed to convince Remy to let him go at all. Hopefully, going through the motions of the first class would make him feel better, thereby making him less sick, thereby letting him further convince Remy he was fine enough to work the whole day. A foolproof plan. Probably. “Can I at least leave my binder on?”

    Remy went stiff next to him, which Logan thought was rude, considering Remy’s shoulder was much nicer to lay against when the muscles in it weren’t so tense. “Hun, please tell me you’re joking.”

    “About what?”

    “Having your binder on while you’re having coughing fits, that’s what!” Remy said, sounding slightly frantic. “Love, you know I’d give you anything I could, but you need to take that off. Now.”

    Logan whined against Remy’s shoulder, not particularly inclined to feel childish for doing so. “I like it on.”

    “I know you do, starshine, and normally I do too, but right now I’d really, really like it if it was off of you, okay?” Remy said, still sounding frantic though his voice was very gentle. Ah. That meant he was really worried. Maybe Logan should take the binder off.

    “...Alright.” Logan mumbled, trying to not feel too put out. He was sure there was a good reason Remy wanted him to take his binder off. Granted, at the moment, he couldn’t remember it, but he tried not to worry about that. He didn’t need to remember all the important stuff. Remy would remind him. Remy was good like that. Remy was so, so good.

    “Alright. That’s good.” Remy said, sounding calmer. He pressed a kiss to Logan’s forehead before getting up, making sure Logan wouldn’t fall over without him supporting Logan’s head before stepping away. “I’mma grab you your sweater, okay? The nice, big lumpy one. And some other comfy clothes. I’ll be right back, okay?”

    Logan nodded as he started to tug his shirt off, aware that his polo didn’t count as comfy clothes. Remy nodded with him before turning and wandering out of the room. Logan wasn’t sure where he was going- to be frank, Logan wasn’t completely sure where the door he had gone through led to, but he was sure that wherever Remy was going, it was the right place to be going.

    Though it took a fair amount of fumbling, Logan managed to shed his shirt and binder, having moved on to fighting his belt buckle by the time Remy returned.

    “Here, let me help you with that.” Remy said, dropping a pile of clothes next to Logan as he easily undid the belt, pulling it free of its loops before helping Logan to pull his pants off as well. “There we go.”

    “I took off my binder.” Logan said, a bit abruptly. He knew that Remy could see that the binder was off and next to him, but he felt he had to say it too, just in case, to make sure Remy wouldn’t start sounding frantic and worried again. Logan didn’t like when Remy sounded like that. Remy shouldn’t have to be frantic and worried.

    “I know, love, I saw.” Remy said, reaching up to cup Logan’s cheek. “And I’m so proud of you for doing that. You did very good, yeah?”

    Logan nodded. “Yeah.”

    Remy smiled at him. “Let’s get you into these nice comfy clothes now, okay? Then we can go and make sure you’re not late for class while also being very cozy and very lumpy. And I’ll be lumpy too so we can both suffer the world binder-less together, because I’m pretty sure that’s what true love is.”

    “True love is you.” Logan said, and while he wasn’t quite sure where the words came from, or exactly what they meant, he was sure he meant them.

    Remy chuckled. “You’re cute when you’re loopy.” He said, picking up the first article of clothing on the pile- a pair of dark sweatpants. “Now come on. Let’s get you dressed.”

    It took ten minutes for Logan to get dressed, mostly because he insisted on trying to put on each article of clothing himself, only to be forced to accept Remy’s help when he proved unable to fully pull anything over his head. He did, however, manage to get the pants on by himself, and he decided that was the greatest achievement of his life.

    Remy got himself dressed while Logan put on his shoes and prepared his ‘secret weapon’, only taking three minutes to get on an outfit nearly identical to Logan’s, which Logan considered to be unfair. He looked good, too, even in his bigger jacket and with his tousled hair. Logan felt and looked like a lump. A hot, frustrated lump. Though maybe that was the minor fever.

    Logan took a swig of his secret weapon and tried not to choke on the taste. Hopefully the fever would be taken care of soon enough. And he could deal with being a lump if it made Remy happy.

    At Logan’s grimace after his sip, Remy, who was waiting for his coffee to finish brewing, raised an eyebrow. “Forgot to add the sugar to your tea?”

    Logan shook his head. “Not tea.”

    “...What is it?”

    “My secret weapon.”

    Remy frowned. “Logan, honey, I can’t let you drink vodka while you’re sick. Or whiskey. Or whatever alcohol you have in there. And I definitely can’t let you bring it to school-”

    “It’s not alcohol!” Logan defended, just managing to bite back on a ‘mostly.’ That wasn’t going to help him or his mission.

    Remy’s eyes widened. “Rat poison is worse.”

    “Why do you- it’s not rat poison either, I promise.” Logan said, taking Remy’s hand and squeezing it. “It’s just some tea. My throat’s raw, that’s all.”

    “...I thought it wasn’t tea?”

    “Did I say that?” Logan asked, because he really wasn’t sure. Everything felt fuzzy, memory included. He hoped that meant the secret weapon was kicking in and not that his fever was getting worse. He had things to do.

    Remy was still watching him a bit too closely and Logan realized he hadn’t given a very good answer. “We should be going.” He said, hoping that would distract Remy. He knew pushing the point that he was only drinking tea would result in Remy wanting to taste said tea to be sure he wasn’t lying and Logan knew that wasn’t going to work.

    Luckily for him, Remy let it slide.

    “Yeah, we should.” He agreed, reaching over to grab his coffee before wrapping his free arm around Logan’s waist, pulling him close as they started to head for the door. “I already got the keys in my pocket.”

    “I can walk perfectly well on my own, you know.” Logan pointed out, even as he leaned into Remy’s grasp. Just because he didn’t need to be coddled didn’t mean he didn’t like to be near to his husband.

    Remy chuckled. “I know, babe, but I also know that you keep wobbling with every other step. I don’t need you adding a bad fall to your list of problems.” He teased. When he got to the door, however, he stopped before opening it, glancing at Logan with light concern. “Are you sure you want to go to work? I know you want to warn your students you’ll be gone, but the more rest you get, the quicker you’ll be better-”

    Logan silenced Remy by leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to the tip of his nose. “I’ll be just fine, dear.” Logan said as smoothly as he could. “But your worry is appreciated.”

    Remy didn’t seem wholly convinced, but he still nodded, pressing a quick return kiss to the top of Logan’s head. “Alright. I believe you.” He said before he moved to open the door, somehow managing the feat despite still holding his coffee cup. Leaning slightly more into his touch, Logan allowed Remy to lead him out to the car.

    The ride to the university Logan worked at was unimpressive, mostly due to the fact that Logan barely remembered a minute of it. He felt as if all his senses were going fuzzy at the edges, what little focus he had left becoming untrustworthy as he could’ve sworn he saw green stars dancing across the windshield at some point during the drive. The lack of feeling was, however, sufficiently numbing the pain of his fever, so Logan was taking that as a plus.

    He only realized they were at the university when Remy was shaking his arm, looking at him funny as Logan partially snapped out of the daze he had been in.

    “Are you sure you’re okay, sugar?” Remy asked, sounding once more worried. Logan frowned. He didn’t want Remy to sound worried. “We can go home if you need to…”

    Logan shook his head instinctively when he heard home. He couldn’t go home. The whole point of this was to be at work and get into his schedule and pretend everything was fine until it was and feel better so that Remy didn’t have to be worried.

    “If you’re sure.” Remy said, though he certainly didn’t sound very sure. Logan frowned more as Remy helped him get out of the car, leaning against him without comment this time. Remy made a very good support. Especially when the entire world was jumping up and down. Repeatedly.

    The walk from the parking lot to his classroom was not one Logan remembered, but Logan tried not to let that bother him. He must have drunk more of his secret weapon, though, because the world was starting to become easier to focus on again. The world was also filled with purple and yellow scars that seemed to be tearing apart the fabric of reality, but Logan was fairly certain those were always there.

    A blink took him from outside his classroom to inside, where he found his class already waiting for him, all eyes on him and Remy as soon as they entered. Good. They were there, and he could see them clearly. Double win.

    “Professor…?” One of the students (send Logan home if he knew which one) said hesitantly. Probably confused by why Remy was there.

    Logan patted Remy’s shoulder, hoping that would signal to him that Logan didn’t need his support anymore. Remy promptly let go of him, albeit slowly, watching Logan carefully to make sure he didn’t fall over the moment he stood on his own. Did Logan wobble? No, not at all.

    ...Maybe a little.

    Logan rubbed at the new bruise he had on his hip that may or may not have come from him stumbling into a desk, hard. Okay, maybe a lot. But it was fine, he was fine- he hadn’t fallen over, yet, and that was what really mattered.

    By the time he had made it to his desk, set in the center of the front of the room for a reason Logan was sure was very logical, all eyes were on him, including the eyes that were normally still on their phones or closed in faux rest. Another point in his favor. No need to call the class’s attention when he already had it.

    Of course, now he needed something to start the lesson with. What was the lesson anyways? Actually, while he was wondering, what class did he teach? How was Logan going to start a class he knew nothing about?

    Logan’s gaze flickered to the corner of the classroom, ignoring the sea of concerned looks from his students to focus on the concerned look from Remy, who had even taken his sunglasses off just so Logan could see it. If he had ever had them on. Had he? Didn’t matter. Unimportant. What was important was that Logan had an idea: if he didn’t know how to start class, he would simply steal Remy’s style.

    That thought (and no others) in mind, Logan slammed his thermos on top of his desk.

    The entire class, Remy included, startled at the noise, all thrown off by it. The only reason it didn’t startle Logan was because he didn’t hear it. At the newly bewildered expressions of everyone in front of him, he cleared his throat, still channeling Remy as he began,

    “There’s more pressure in my sinuses right now then there is at the bottom of the sea.” A lie- the real problem Logan was dealing with at the moment was the fever he couldn’t feel but could taste (it tasted peppery, which was appropriate, Logan decided). That and the fact that Logan didn’t think it was humanly possible for his sinuses to be more pressurized than the bottom of the sea. Maybe it was. He should test that.

    But not now. Now the class was clearly waiting for him to continue, and continue he would, because he had planned an entire paragraph of this and he was going to say all of it so long as he had vocal cords.

    “This,” Logan paused. The container in his hand had a name. Too bad he couldn’t remember it. Logan clicked his tongue, deciding a substitution would have to do before he started again, “This thing’s full of NyQuil.”

    That sparked a reaction- gasps from multiple students, and one person he was fairly certain was his husband yelling, “That thing’s full of WHAT!?” Logan nodded to himself. Good. Reactions were good. They meant that his class was following along.

    “I’m going to drink it while I teach,” Logan went on, ignoring the continued gasps of shock and possible horror, “and when your heads are replaced by swirling rainbows, I will cancel the rest of class.”

    That, of course, was a ridiculous timeline to set. The students’ heads would never become rainbows, swirling or otherwise, which mean Logan wouldn’t have to cancel class, which meant he could teach the full class, which would certainly go over as well in reality as it had in his head, and when Remy saw how well he was doing he’d let him teach for the whole day through. It was a foolproof plan. He truly was a genius.

    “Professor… is that safe?”

    Logan was pulled from his thoughts and mental back patting by one of the students in the front row. He wasn’t quite sure who they were, probably because their face was blurring into the student’s next to him. He took a swig of the NyQuil. Hopefully that would fix things.

    “It’s perfectly safe, as long as I don’t die while doing it.” Logan answered, which was true. Another true thing was that Logan… didn’t know if this was safe. But NyQuil was medicine, so it couldn’t be too bad to take extra of it, right? Right. Right right right right right right-

    “Sir, maybe you should go home.” Another student spoke up, sounding concerned. A chorus of agreeing murmurs rose at the suggestion.

    “That’s what I told him to do!” Remy added from his spot leaning against the back wall. “But he said he had an obligation to not ‘flake out’ on all y’all lovelies.”

    “That’s a great sentiment, prof, but uh… really unneeded.” A student who Logan could see right through said. “We’ll be fine without you for a bit… you should get your rest.”

    “Don’t be ridiculous.” Logan said dismissively, taking another sip from his thing of NyQuil. He no longer cringed at the taste, mostly due in part to the fact he could no longer feel his tongue- therefore meaning he could no longer taste much of anything. “I’m perfectly fine to teach. There’s no need for me to rest.”

    “Bullshit.” Remy said, pushing off of the wall and walking towards the stairs, though he didn’t go down them just yet. “I love you hun, but that’s bullshit. Do you even know what you’re teaching today?”

    Logan frowned. “Of course I know. Why wouldn’t I?”

    “Then teach us.” A student near the back said, which Logan considered rude, because he was fairly certain that student was ganging up with his husband to… something. They were certainly doing something. Something trap-y probably. Normally Logan was very good at avoiding traps. But he had to see them coming to do so.

    “I will.” Logan told them flatly, doing his best to look as put-together as he could as he turned down to look at his desk. Surely, his lesson plan was somewhere there. That would have all the answers he currently couldn’t remember.

    Luckily for him, his lesson plan was right in the middle of the desk, easy to see and grab. Perfect. Now, if the words on it would just stop dancing, Logan would have everything he needed to convince his husband and class he was perfectly fine.

    Logan drank more of his no-longer-a-secret secret weapon as he lifted the paper up to his face, hoping that by decreasing the distance between his face and the paper he would also decrease the dancing of the letters. He was fairly certain it would work because ‘distance’ ‘decrease’ and ‘dance’ all started with the letter ‘d.’

    Sadly, his perfect theory was somehow proven wrong- the letters got closer together when he raised the paper, but they didn’t stop dancing, now waving and wiggling in place, as if to spite Logan and his attempts to read them.

    “Love?” Logan jerked as he turned towards the source of the word, surprised to find Remy only a few feet away from him. When had he gotten so close? “What are you doing?”

    Logan waved his lesson plan at Remy. Wasn’t it obvious? “Checking the lesson plan.” He answered as he took another sip from his thing, ignoring Remy’s frown when he did so.

    “I know I’m not a professor, hun, but I think that’s an attendance sheet.”

    Now Logan frowned as he moved the paper back in front of his face, squinting at it. It seemed the letters were now willing to still, albeit only a little, just so that Logan could see it was, in fact, a list of student names followed by boxes that, when marked, could indicate a wide variety of things. None of the boxes could, however, tell Logan what his lesson was.

    “So it is.” Logan commented neutrally, flipping the paper over to see if perhaps the lesson plan was hiding there. “So it is.”

    “Yeah… sweetheart, I’m starting to think it was a bad idea letting you come here.” Remy said, prompting Logan to look up from his search for the lesson plan to focus on Remy instead. That proved hard to do, however, given his face was blurring into a swirl. Logan frowned, feeling distressed. Remy’s face wasn’t supposed to look like that. It was supposed to be pretty and have a chin and brilliant eyes and other features Logan was sure he also loved.

    “Your face is wrong.” Maybe if Remy knew his face was wrong, he’d fix it, and it would look right and Logan wouldn’t have to feel distressed and upset and very unable to focus on mundane things such as teaching.

    “And you’re proving my point.” Remy responded, though he didn’t seem to be trying to fix his face, which was very unhelpful of him. Though maybe Remy couldn’t see that his face was wrong. Maybe only Logan could because of his stupid fever. Of course it was still messing with him. Nothing another sip of NyQuil couldn’t fix-

    “Yeah, we’re not having any more of that.” The thing was taken from Logan’s hands before he could actually get any of the drink into his mouth. He looked at Remy in betrayal as his husband opened the lid and glanced into the container. “How much of this stuff have you drunk, anyways?”

    “Not enough.” Logan said, reaching out to take it back. Remy just stepped away, holding the NyQuil out of reach. “Remy.”

    Remy just shook his head. “Nope. No more of this for you.”

    Logan huffed and stepped towards Remy, reaching out to try and make a grab for the thing. “Let me-”

    Remy grabbed the hand that Logan had put out, stopping his attempt and his sentence. “I said nope, sugar.”

    Logan’s focus had fallen away from retrieving his NyQuil, however. He was now looking concentratedly at their linked hands, slightly wiggling his fingers in Remy’s grasp- experimentally, not attempting to escape his hold.

    “...You good there, hun?”

    “Warm.” Was Logan’s only response. Remy tilted his head to the side, confused, before his expression became one of understanding. Still holding Logan’s hand, Remy bent over and placed the thing on the ground before standing back up and moving closer to Logan, taking his other hand in his newly free one.

    “Is that nice?” Remy asked, gently, which Logan vaguely registered meant he was trying to lower Logan’s guard and that that was Bad. It was, however, working, as Logan was now fairly certain anything outside of holding Remy’s hands was completely and utterly unimportant.

    “Very good.” He said, very eloquently in his opinion. “You’re very good.”

    “I know I am.” Remy responded, squeezing Logan’s hands. “I’m so good, in fact, I’m going to take you home now, because I should never have let you leave the house. A mistake, I note, was yours since you used your pout on me knowing full well I would not stand against it.”

    “But my classes-”

    “Would really prefer you stay home and rest.” A voice that was not Remy’s said. Logan was fairly certain that meant it was one of his students, but he didn’t look to check. He was extremely busy looking at Remy. “You look like you’re going to collapse, prof- just take the day off.”

    “I’m fine.” Logan said automatically.

    “None of us believe that lie, love.” Remy said as he released one of Logan’s hands. Logan whined at that, and Remy softly shushed him as he moved to rest a hand on Logan’s forehead. “I think the NyQuil’s made your fever worse-”

    Remy probably continued speaking after that, but Logan stopped listening, instead choosing to lean into the warmth that was now against his already too-warm forehead. The motion of leaning in was slight, barely a shift at all, but it was also apparently too much, and Logan’s hard fought for balance completely failed him. He tipped forwards, not bothering to try and slow his descent as he began mentally writing his will.

    Arms, warm arms, arms that were warm, wrapped around his midsection, stopping Logan from falling all the way over. “And look at that! You’re actually collapsing now. We’re going home, Lo.”

    “Mhmmm.” Was all Logan managed. Remy was warm. Remy was really warm. And nice. So nice. Had Logan been trying to work? That seemed silly. Work wasn’t Remy.

    Speaking of Remy, he was shifting Logan, pulling him up a bit and resting his head against Remy’s shoulder, arms wrapping more solidly around Logan, all of which were actions Logan was immensely favorable to. He was even warmer, now, and even closer to Remy, and Logan considered these to be very good things.

    “I love you.” Logan murmured into Remy’s shoulder, because he decided right then it was very important Remy know that. “You’re very warm. And nice. And warm. And pretty. Very pretty. Too pretty.”

    Remy chuckled. “Don’t mind him.” Remy spoke, though Logan got the impression he wasn’t talking to Logan. “He gets sappy when he’s loopy.”

    Logan glared at nothing. He wasn’t saying he loved Remy because he was loopy. He was saying that because he loved Remy a lot. More than he loved… planets. And pencils. And peaches.

    “You’re not making any sense, starshine.” Remy told him, and Logan realized he had been speaking out loud. Remy pressed a kiss to the top of Logan’s forehead, and he melted even further into his grasp. “But I love you too.”

    Logan smiled into Remy’s shoulder, ignoring the background noise of ‘awww’s he was sure was coming from his class. Remy scoffed at them.

    “Can we go home now?” Logan asked, because home had bed and bed meant lying down and most of the time lying down meant lying down with Remy and that sounded very nice to Logan right then.

    “Of course, honey. Can you walk?”

    Logan considered the question for a moment. He probably could walk, if he put his mind to it, given he had mostly walked here and he had been walking earlier. But, if he was going to be Logan (and not Frank, why would he be Frank if he was telling the truth-), he didn’t particularly want to put his mind to it. So he shook his head.

    “I think you’re lying.” Remy said, but he still shifted so he could pick Logan up- a move he had perfected back in their courting days as soon as he learned it was a near guarantee to fluster Logan. Instinctively, Logan’s arms wrapped around the back of Remy’s neck and he once more tucked his head into Remy’s shoulder.

    “Do you guys, uh… know what to do from here?” Remy asked, the question clearly directed at Logan’s class. “Because I don’t think you’ll be seeing your teach for a good week.”

    “You said two days.” Logan mumbled into Remy’s shoulder, though not very aggressively.

    “Yes I did.” Remy agreed as he started moving, assumedly towards the door. “That was before you drank half a bottle of NyQuil in an hour and collapsed.”

    Logan nodded into Remy’s shoulder. That made sense. Remy was good at sense. Remy was good at a lot of things.

    “If anyone asks, we’ll say the professor was here for the full period before leaving.” A student assured Remy.

    “And I’ll hold onto his thermos until he gets back!” Another chimed in. “Since you probably want to keep the NyQuil as far away from him as possible for now.”

    The class laughed and Remy did too. “Yeah, no, I’m tossing out whatever NyQuil’s left at home. If you get a chance, I highly suggest you dump out the contents of the thermos too.”

    “Will do!”

    Logan felt Remy nod his head. “Great. So… that was easier to settle than I expected. Though I guess you’re all getting a free class period now.”

    “We’ll use it responsibly, Mr. Professor’s Husband.”

    “You don’t need to lie to me, kid, I skipped every class I could get away with.” Remy said before he pressed another kiss to Logan’s head. Logan, who was more or less completely asleep, made a little happy noise. “And then I married a teacher. Life’s funny.”

    Remy let out a happy little sigh and Logan smiled at his happiness. “That’s enough from me. You kids have a nice day.”

    And there was a good chance that something else was said or done after that, but it truly was very cozy pressed against Remy’s chest, and Logan saw no reason to bother keeping awake when Remy was taking care of everything so well. So he didn’t.

    Logan wasn’t sure when he woke back up, but he didn’t mind that much. He did know that he was at home and in bed and that was nice. Logan also knew that the NyQuil was at least partially out of his system because his fever was back and it was back with a vengeance. He groaned, turning over and pressing his face into the nearest pillow.

    Next to him, he heard Remy laugh, and a hand soon settled in Logan’s hair to card fingers through it. “Hey there, darling.”

    “I feel like shit.”

    “That’s what happens when you’re sick but you still try to go to work.” Remy softly teased. “And when you drink way too much NyQuil.”

    “It was my secret weapon.” Logan protested. Remy laughed again.

    “Maybe stick to the more conventional methods of healing next time?” Remy suggested.

    “Cuddles?”

    “I was thinking more homemade chicken soup and watching old game show reruns, but I suppose cuddles might work too.” Remy said. “Why? Is there a particular reason you mention cuddles?”

    Logan huffed as he flopped over, glaring at a very amused looking Remy as he grabbed at his shirt, tugging as well as he could on it to try and pull Remy down. “Don’t be obtuse.”

    “Oh you’re so weak- oh, babe, this is sad-” Remy laughed at Logan’s poor attempts to force him to cuddle, gently taking Logan’s hands and holding them in his own. Remy smiled at him. “You’re cute.”

    “I’m sick.” Logan responded. “Cuddle me.”

    “And why should I do that, now?”

    “Because you love me.” Logan told him, shuffling over a bit so that he was closer to Remy, making the pout he then put on more effective. “And I love you.”

    “I can���t believe you’re using the pout again.” Remy chided.

    Logan pouted harder.

    Remy sighed, but he still pulled up the edge of the blankets and sheets, sliding in next to Logan. “One of these days I’m going to find a way to say no to you, you know.”

    Logan wrapped his arms around Remy’s chest, pulling him closer and turning his chest into a pillow. “But will you want to?” He mumble asked, not as concerned with the answer as he was with falling back asleep and trapping Remy on the bed with him.

    Remy chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Logan as well, seemingly completely alright with becoming trapped as he dropped a kiss on Logan’s forehead. “Never. Because while you may have proven today that you can be wrong of many things, you did get one thing very, very right.”

    “Oh?” Logan hummed, only half-interested in knowing what he had gotten right.

    “Even if you do stupid things like go to work sick and bind while sick and try to drink NyQuil like it’s water, I still love you.” Remy said sweetly, once more running his fingers through Logan’s hair to help further lull him back asleep. “And as such I will always want to say yes to you.”

    Logan let out a small laugh. “You’re a sap.”

    “You should’ve heard yourself earlier, hun.” Remy said, chuckling when Logan’s only response was a hum and snuggling closer to Remy. “I’ll tell you about it later. Go to bed, starshine. I’ve got nowhere else to be and nothing better to do than love you.”

    Deciding he’d mock Remy’s accidental rhyme later, Logan happily did as his husband said, putting aside the burn of his fever to focus on Remy’s comfortable, loving warmth, quickly falling into a sleep as gentle as Remy’s embrace.

[fyrapartnersearch]

Seeking Literate Partners!

Disclaimer: Male authors, please stop contacting me. I've been burned too many times. If you persist, I'll ignore your message. Hello, you can call me Doe! I'm 25+ and a proud cat mom. I write multiple paragraphs/novella style (200-500+ words). I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. I understand if the scene doesn’t have alot going on and therefore requires less like rapid fire. I adore having long, thoughtful replies where we truly immerse ourselves in the world. I'm hoping to find a partner whose as enthusiastic and passionate about the plot and writing as I am. When I get invested in a story, it’s 100% dedication. Getting a reply is the highlight of my day. I'm a big fan of romance and using face claims. I’m the type to make pinterest boards, spam you with gifs, headcanons, and send you songs that remind me of our characters and/or ship. I'll get excited if we come up with future plot ideas, or if our characters are being cute or angsty and I can yell about it in the chat. Last but not least I only do MxF (with myself in the female role) and don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along. I'd highly prefer female authors writing male characters. Searching For - 21+ partners - For you to have an excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. Both in character and out of character. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies or those who have English as their second/third language). - Plot before smut. While mature themes will be in my plots, and are even encouraged, there needs to be chemistry between our characters. I like to have a good mix of plot and tastefully written smut, along with doses of angst and fluff. - For you to write as an older man (40s+/50s+). I'm a sucker for the gruff and tough men with dark pasts who secretly have a soft heart. I also love those grumpy, hypermasculine men being intimidated by soft yet commanding women. The youngest I write is early 20s. - Please be enthusiastic and invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Tossing ideas back and forth, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. - Joining me in the wonderful world of ship/character development is kind of a must. It’s one of the things that makes writing with a partner so much fun. I also like to make friends with my partners! - While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. I draw the line at anime/cartoon art. Faces I'd love to write as: gal gadot, rooney mara, ruth negga, saoirse ronan, sophie turner, jessica chastain, jennifer morrison, mia wasikowska, natalia dyer, brit marling, deborah ann woll, mackenzie davis, emmy rossum, adria adjora, chyler leigh, hayley bennet, tashi rodriguez, lily james, cara delevingne, maya hawke, katheryn winnick, elizabeth olsen, abigal cowen, sophia lillis lauren cohan, zoey deutsch, paulina singer, crystal reed, hayley lu richardson, ask about others Faces I'd love to write against: jeffery dean morgan, hugh jackman, robert taylor, jr bourne, jon bernthal, jason issacs, anthony varrecchiah, brett tucker, david harbour, frank grillo, iain glen, josh duhamel, patrick petitjean, ethan hawke, christian bale, rory mccann, younger sam elliot, titus welliver, viggo mortensen, joel miller (illustrated face), ask about others If you've made it this far, thank you! You won't be disappointed in writing with me. I tend to be online daily and while I'd like it if you were too, I understand that real life things comes first. Let me know if you're going to be inactive/can’t continue. If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging continued interest spaced a week apart. Below are genres and pairings I love. Feel free to combine as many as you'd like and I’m sure we can come up with something great! Current cravings are in bold. Two thing I don't do are slice of life and historical plots. Genres: - crimes in remote locations - spooky small towns - post apocalyptic/dystopia - supernatural/modern fantasy (A/B/O, werewolves, shapeshifters, alpha x rival pack alpha's child, werewolf x shifter, alpha x new werewolf, involuntary mate-bond, mating/claiming) - southern/mid western gothic - murder mystery (small town or big city) - modern/dark fairy tale retellings - sci-fi - cyberpunk/retro-futuristic - little coastal towns or little towns in the mountains - emotionally charged/dark and gritty - superpowers/gifted - unresolved sexual tension/slow burn - redemption - pacific northwest - suburban gothic - luring to the other side - reincarnation/multiple universes - western inspired + modern day (such as longmire) - christmas inspired - culture clash/two characters from different sides Pairings: - age gaps (older man x younger woman / 15 to 25+ year gap) - enemies to lovers/villain x heroine - cop x criminal - doctor x patient - friends turned lovers/pining - grumpy x sunshine - the broken man x the woman that becomes his light - fbi agents/cop partners - dark hearted man melting for the innocent woman - friend x best friend’s older sibling - boss x employee - neighbors - single father x friend - firefighter/cop x victim - mentor x mentee - hurt/comfort - height differences - pet names (sweetheart, baby girl, kid, kiddo) - lady and the tramp esque/class difference - creature x human/creature - ex-con x anyone - bodyguard x assignment - widow/er falling in love again - biker x civilian - rancher/mountain man x city girl - affair (with so's sibling, with so's friend, with neighbor) - hitman x target - serial killer x fbi agent - soul mates - experienced x inexperienced - local x vacationer - injured/scarred warrior washed out from their former glory x royal/heir-to-be (modern day / Sansa x Sandor inspired) - friend x best friend/boyfriend's father - daughter in law x father in law - park ranger x camper - bounty hunter x bounty - power imbalances Tropes/Themes: the papa wolf/hot dads, cultured badass, jerk with a heart of gold. ladykiller in love, mountain man, mysterious protector, southern gentleman, tall, dark, and handsome, knight in sour armor, red string of fate, villain takes an interest, porcelain to ivory to steel, when person a gets injured/kidnapped and person b goes absolutely feral to save them, cowboys tiny women and big men, the monster being treated gently for the first time in his life, two characters forced into positions where they have no choice but to reconcile their differences and grow together/trust each other, forbidden relationships, trying to escape childhood demons & reuniting in adulthood Fandoms: (I don't write canons or do canon x oc) Star Wars, X Files, Haven, Fringe, Stranger Things, Heroes, The Wolf Among Us, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, Marvel, The OA, Disney personified, His Dark Materials, Beastars, Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us, Cyberpunk 2077 Plot Ideas: I have too many to list here but take a look at my google doc and let me know if anything catches your attention. It's a mix of fandom inspired and original plots: Plot Ideas Last but not least, I have a list of kinks if anyone's interested. I use email and discord to write. I'd also be open to joining a jcink site! Contact me at Doe#3347 on discord or by email: doeeyes73@gmail.com Please be detailed when you message me, let me know why you chose to contact me. Seeing only "hey do you wanna rp?" is a guaranteed way to turn me off. Look forward to hearing from you!

[aenwoedbeannaa]

Scrubbrush | Geralt of Rivia x Reader

Summary: You have been traveling with Geralt for some time now and convince him to stop for a while to bathe in the stream you’ve just come across. Or, basically smut with no plot.

Warnings: Smut, fingering.

Word Count: this drabble turned into 3,412 words. It’s fine.

A/N: I simply could not stop myself. Hope you all enjoy! Just throwing this out there, I also created a ko-fi page. I will obviously continue to post fanfiction here just as I’ve always done, and do not expect anything from anyone, but it exists, if you’d like to show your support for my creative work in that way.

But obviously, the best way you all show your support to me is just by reading my work. So, thank you all endlessly for sticking around and reading! 

If you enjoy my work, you can find all my work on my masterlist. You can also check out my personal blog where I post all kinds of things, including original writing. If you’d like to be added to any of my taglists, let me know and I will add you!

***

The air is warm, the sun bearing down from directly above signaling high noon. You’ve been traveling for several days now, and all you want is a bath. Between the sun bearing down on you all day and the constant movement with little rest, you feel – to be quite frank – disgusting. The dirt and dust from the road somehow looks good on you Witcher companion; but you doubt it looks so nice on you.

You are at least a day and a half’s ride from the nearest town, meaning a bath is at least two and a half days away.

You sigh silently, not wishing to voice these particular concerns to Geralt. He doesn’t seem concerned about it, and you are certain he is not stealing glances at you the way you’ve been stealing glances at him. You try to tell yourself it doesn’t matter – with a rather low degree of success.

But as the two of you continue riding side-by-side, your mood lifts. In the distance, you can see a stream between the trees.

“Geralt!” you exclaim, shocking him out of his thought, “Let’s stop by the stream for a while.” You turn and look at him, batting your eyelashes without realizing you’re doing it.  You aren’t quite sure about the Witcher’s feelings—he isn’t really one to express emotion—but you do know that pouting tends to work with him quite well.

“Hm,” Geralt mutters, thinking. “Guess we could stop and water the horses, and we’re going to need to refill the water skins anyway.”

Blushing slightly, you chew on your bottom lip as you look over at him, “It’s hot, Geralt.”

He lifts an eyebrow, cocking his head to the side in apparent confusion. “Yes?”

“I need to bathe, Geralt,” you explain, turning redder.

His eyes widen for a moment, but by the time he speaks a second later, he has collected himself again. “I’ll… prepare lunch.” The man, clearly used to travelling nearly nonstop, is pretty clueless when it comes to typical human behavior. You’ve pointed it out to him several times, and he’s not denied it.

You nod awkwardly, not exactly sure how you feel about the answer or what to make of his momentary loss of composure. Most likely, it is just awkwardness. You doubt that he is thinking any thoughts about joining you in the water. No, those are entirely of your own creation.

It doesn’t take long to reach the stream, where he helps you dismount as he’s been doing since the two of you began travelling together. You always find yourself slightly giddy as you take his hand and dismount, despite the fact that you have been riding horses for years and are quite capable of dismounting without help. But his large hand is deliciously rough, so you don’t complain.

You lead your horses over to a shallower part of the stream, allowing them to drink. You take the opportunity to dig through your saddlebags for a clean pair of trousers and white cotton shirt. You don’t have a towel, but you don’t mind. You bend over to let your fingers skim the surface of the water, smiling to yourself when you find it as deliciously cool as you imagined.

You scan the edge of the tree line until you find the stalks of green your mother had taught you about seemingly an entire lifetime ago. You bend over to pull a few stalks, the pieces easily detaching from the plant.

Geralt, in typical Witcher fashion, seems to sneak up behind you without the slightest warning. You gasp, feeling silly, considering the same thing had been happening for days. He smirks, shaking his head as you stand up, turning to face him. His amber eyes are fixed on the bunch of stalks in your hands. “What is that?” he asks.

You can’t help but let out a small laugh. “Scrub brush,” you respond matter-of-factly. “I thought Witchers knew everything about plants and herbs.”

“Not that one,” Geralt says, reaching out and taking one of the cylindrical stalks, his hand brushing yours as he does so. You would almost swear it was intentional.

“Figures,” you say with a sigh. “You break it and put it in the water, like soap. Works in a pinch, but ‘course Witchers don’t bother with soap.” you say with a shrug.

Honestly, you are so eager to scrub every inch of your skin that the thought of using the rough plant sounds entirely pleasant.

Geralt looks at you, head cocked to the side in a smirk. “Are we really that bad?” he asks, gesturing vaguely at himself. Your eyes roam over his body for a moment, perhaps a little bit too obviously.

You surprise yourself when you speak next, “A wash wouldn’t hurt.” You look up at him through the curtain of your lashes, challenging him. “The stream is certainly big enough for the both of us.” Your expression, however, indicates that space is not exactly something you’re concerned about.

“Hm,” the Witcher says, a low rumble in his chest. His eyes seem to be burning into yours, making heat rise in your cheeks.

Taking advantage of the courage that smoldering gaze are giving you, you smirk, “Don’t worry, I’ll turn around to protect your modesty.”

He laughs, that warm, rumbling sound that makes it feel as if your stomach has been replaced with butterflies, “Shall I walk away and let you change in the bushes?”

Your heart hammers in your chest, excited by his gaze. “And risk poison ivy?” you ask, “I’ll change on the bank. Close your eyes if you must.”

With that, you turn around, feeling quite bold as you walk to the bank, peeling off your sweat-stained shirt and tossing it to the side along with the fresh clothes. You pause for just a moment before unlacing your breeches and letting them pool around your ankles. You are too nervous to glance back at Geralt as you kick off your riding boots, leaving you in nothing but your small clothes.

You take a deep breath, finally gathering the courage to pull off your top, letting the breeze caress your bare skin. You pull your bottoms off next, swearing that you feel his eyes on your back. You stand there for another moment, wondering where exactly the courage you’d felt when you began your walk to the bank of the river went. Now, you are just nervously standing there feeling quite exposed wearing only a scrap of white silk clothing.

You freeze, considering your options. You can remove them and step into the water as you had originally planned, saving your ego. Or, you can let your pride take the hit and leave them on.

Thanks to a certain Witcher, you don’t get the chance to decide.

You gasp, once again not having heard him creep up behind you. You are only alerted to his presence when you feel his breath on your neck as he speaks from somewhere deep in his chest; a tone you’ve never heard from him before.

“Be careful, Miss. You never know when there might be drowners nearby…” Your skin prickles with goosebumps under the unexpected touch of his hand as it brushes down your back impossibly gently. “Or men with wandering eyes.”

You chew on your lower lip, heart hammering in your chest. It takes nearly all of your resolve to keep your head facing forward.  “No sign of drowners,” you say smoothly before finally turning your head to look at the Witcher over your shoulder, “But wandering eyes?”

He looks down at you, his golden eyes alight with both desire and conflict. He opens his mouth as if he is about to speak, but no words come.

“What’s the matter, Witcher?” you ask, turning around to face him head-on. “Certainly, you’ve seen plenty of women nearly naked. Or is the sight of me that appalling?” The question you finish on rings slightly of truth and nerves. The Witcher has probably been with loads of women who are far more beautiful than you. Perhaps seeing you like this only disappoints him; makes him wish that it was someone else standing almost naked before him.

He bites his lower lip, shaking his head as if to clear it before finally speaking, “No… You look…” he stammers, searching for words that seem to be caught in his throat, “You have no idea how badly I’ve… wanted to see you – wanted to touch you.”

You smile despite yourself – looking far too eager and far too happy about this latest revelation. You blink up at him, bringing your free hand up to touch the cotton shirt he has stripped down to since dismounting, “Then why haven’t you?”

He sucks in a breath, eyes looking down at his chest where your hand rests for a moment, breathing out in a his, “Fuck.”

You look from your hand to his face before speaking, confused, “What?”

“It’s not appropriate… I shouldn’t…” he continues speaking painfully slowly, “You’re so innocent and—”

You cut him off with a burst of laughter, “Innocent and what… pure?”

You reach with your hand to pull at the already loose laces of his shirt. He sucks in a breath, his lower lip once again caught between his teeth. If you’re being honest, you have next to no experience in this sort of thing, but you are far from innocent. And, even if you were, you are pretty positive you wouldn’t care.

No man has ever made you feel quite like this. It wasn’t like you had no suitors back home – you had plenty. But none of them have quite captured your attention; perhaps it was just that you were more than ready to leave your boring little nowhere hometown, but they had all seemed so uninteresting. Geralt was anything but uninteresting.

“Yes,” he finally admits, “That.”

“I’m an adult, Geralt,” you counter, “I can’t stay like this forever, can I?” You bat your eyes at him.

Hesitantly, he reaches for you, letting his hand brush the hair back from your face and making you shiver in the process. You lean into his touch, savoring the feeling for his calloused fingers against your cheek. He hums appreciatively, enjoying the feeling of your soft skin under his fingertips.

“Geralt,” you sigh, wishing that he would do more than caress your face – as nice as it feels.

“Y/N,” he breathes, free hand wrapping around you and clutching you closer to him.  The two of you stop, eyes fixed intensely at one another. Apparently unable to restrain himself any longer, he leans forward, pressing his lips to yours gently.

You respond in kind, savoring everything – the way his shirt and firm muscles feel against the bare skin of his chest, the feeling of his hand pressed against the small of your back, the smell of him, and the taste of his lips moving so gently against yours.

His tongue eases your lips open with the utmost care. You gladly part or lips for him, moaning softly as his tongue explores your mouth, sending shivers down your spine. This kiss is so very different from every other kiss you’ve had. Most often, the mean you’d kissed had hungrily pressed their lips to yours, crushing you against them. Now – you’d have absolutely no complaints if Geralt were to do the same thing, but this was something different. You could feel the wanting in his kiss, somehow more intense than anything you’d experienced.

He wants me, you can’t stop repeating to yourself over and over again.

The two of you stand there, clutching at one another, lips pressed together and eyes closed, warmed by the high noon sun and lost to the world around you for what feels like an eternity but somehow not long enough.

When Geralt pulls away, you lean up on your toes, a disappointed sigh escaping your lips. He laughs lightly, cocking his head to the side as he smirks down at you. “Weren’t you planning on bathing?” he asks playfully.

“I was, until you interrupted,” you tease with a grin.

“Mhmm,” he growls softly, the sound alone making you weak at the knees. “Now don’t stop on my account.”

You look up at him, once again with wide innocent eyes that gleamed with something quite different. “You should join me. You really do have no sense of smell, Witcher.”

“If the Lady insists,” Geralt responds, this time without hesitation as he strips off his linen shirt and begins undoing his belt, “I’m interested to see how this scrub brush works, exactly.” You can’t help but stare, chewing on your lower lip as you watch him. It hits you in that moment that you’ve never actually seen a man naked before – you hadn’t wanted to. You’d always been certain that those village boys were just as uninteresting underneath their clothes as they were outside. Geralt, though… Is quite a different story.

Hesitantly, you step out of your underwear, resisting the urge to cover yourself up. Even with all that has transpired in the last few moments, you are worried that he won’t like what he sees. Those fears are quite immediately quelled, however, when he kicks off his boxers. You try not to let your eyes pop out of your head at the sight of him.

Without much warning, he scoops you up into his arms, carrying you over to the water’s edge and stepping in. You giggle, wrapping your arms around his neck as he carries the two of you farther out until the water reaches his waist.

“Geralt!” you squeal as he tosses you into the cold water. Well, at least you’d adjust to the temperature quickly. When your head pops back out of the water, you turn to him with a pout, shaking your head and letting water cascade down your back. And then you splash him.

“So, this is the game you’d like to play?” Geralt asks with one eyebrow raised before diving easily beneath the water, moving with inhuman speed toward you, arms encircling your waist, giving you just enough time to hold your breath before he pushes forward, plunging you under.

You both come to the surface laughing, the water no longer feeling cold against your skin but pleasant. The Witcher catches your chin with his hand, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. He stares for a moment, enveloping you in amber light.

“Ench’eass,” he breathes, almost as if he is speaking to himself.

“What?” You know he is speaking in the Elder Speech, but the meaning is completely lost on you.

“Enchanting,” he responds. “You are enchanting.”

You grin, feeling the familiar heat of a blush on your cheeks. Geralt, however, has an intense look on his face – full of need and wanting. He crashes his lips to yours, much less gentle this time – but you are not complaining. His tongue parts your lips again and you moan into the kiss, eliciting a growl from deep in his chest.

His hands caress your skin underneath the water, and you arch your back, pressing your body against his, wanting to feel your skin touching every inch of him as possible. You let out another disappointed sigh when he pulls his lips back from yours, but that sigh soon turns into a soft moan as he brings his lips first to your jaw and then to your neck, making you throw your head back, giving him complete access to the sensitive skin of your throat.

You feel his lips twitch up into a smile as he continues to explore you with his lips and tongue, making you draw in little sharp breaths as unfamiliar pleasure washes over you. The soft sounds seem to please Geralt, because you can actually feel the almost primal growl where your chest is pressed against him.

“Geralt,” you breathe, dragging your fingers down his chest, memorizing the feeling of each scar they graze over.

“Yes?” he asks softly, pulling away just enough to look into your eyes, drinking in the sight of you breathing heavily.

“Nothing…” you admit, not quite knowing the words you want to use or are supposed to use in this situation. “That just… feels good.”

He laughs, letting his hands drift lower, over your ass and down the backs of your thighs. You shiver again, sucking in another breath as his fingers caress circles on your skin.

“You’re shivering and I haven’t even touched you properly yet.”

Those words, naturally, make you shiver again as warmth pools in your core. You with that he would touch you like he’s talking about. “Please,” you mutter against his chest where you’ve pressed your lips.

“Please what?” he asks haughtily, looking quite amused with himself.

“Please… touch me….” You are stammering, unable to come up with words. “Like… that.”

Geralt smirks down at you, hooking his hands under you knees, urging you to wrap your legs around his waist.

“As you wish,” he says. Thanks to the water, he is able to support you with almost no effort; your arms wrapped around hi neck and your legs wrapped around his waist are enough. He takes advantage of this, letting one hand move to your breasts, grazing over your nipple and making you moan once more. His other hand slips under your ass, and you moan as his fingers gently move over your folds, coming to rest gently on your clit.

Your breath catches in your throat as he freezes there for a moment, amber eyes fixed intently on yours. You seem held there by some unseen force as he begins to move his finger in small, gentle circles, making you moan and throw your head back. No one has ever touched you there before, and you are already drunk on the feeling.

“I’ve wondered what you would look like when I did this to you, Baby.” His words seem to amp up the feeling of electricity building in your core, your mouth opening in a permanent ‘o’. He speeds up slightly, increasing the pressure. It feels so different than when you touch yourself; it feels so much better.

He continues his ministrations, working you with his fingers as his other hand slips from your breasts and down your back. His finger explores your opening for a moment, not pressing in but circling gently before letting his finger enter just inside. Your walls spasm around the tip of his finger, urging him deeper. He obliges, beginning to pump first one finger, than two, in and out of you slowly.

At this point, you are mewling against him, hips moving of their own accord to draw him deeper and deeper. You let out a long, drawn out moan as he adds a third large finger, stretching you deliciously. The pleasure he is making you feel only growing as he curls his fingers gently against that spot inside of you.

“Geralt!” you yell, “Gods, don’t stop!”

“Oh, Baby,” he smirks, “I won’t stop until you’ve come all over my fingers and go limp in my arms,” he says in that deep, primal way that he’s never spoken to you before.

He continues curling his fingers against the most sensitive place inside you while he continues to relentlessly rub your sensitive little nub. You babble incoherently, telling him you are about to cum, and he brings his lips to your neck, biting the sensitive flesh there and making you squeal.

It doesn’t take long before you’re arching your back and clawing at his back, moaning long and loud as the delicious tension that has been building up to the moment that you convulse under the word of his fingers, walls clenching around him and body seeming to move of its own accord as he helps you ride out your orgasm, only stopping once you’ve indeed gone limp in his arms, body spent from such a rush of pleasure.

“Geralt,” you mutter, feeling his hardness against you and desperately wanting to feel him inside you.

However, he simply smirks at your efforts to move your hips in line with his member, cocking his head to the side and smiling at you teasingly. “Uh uh,” he says with a shake of his head. Didn’t we come in here to bathe.”

That is about the last thing on your mind as you look up at him, eyes fixed on his as you crash your lips to his once more.

Taglist:  @fairytale07 @geeksareunique @jesseswartzwelder @haru-ririchiyo @unnamedmaincharacter @lazilyscentedwerewolf  @valkyriepuff @comicbeginning @alwayshave-faith @hp-hogwartsexpress @curlyhairedandconfused​  @superconfusedandreadytorumble​ @keithseabrook27​  @missemmalie​ 

[fyeah-bangtan7]

V: “I wish we were back with ARMY, laughing together”

During V’s photo shoot, he’s wearing a different expression in every photo on the monitor. They create a tension and an anticipation because we have no way of knowing what he might do even one second later. But the result is cool from start to finish. It’s V.

How are you doing these days? It’s been a long time since you were able to see your fans. V: I’m not over-stressing about how I can’t meet the fans face to face right now. I just want to see them when it’s safe to meet. I think now, I can wait until then.

As your song says, “Life Goes On.” You decided to keep going on with your life. V: We have to move on. We can’t feel defeated forever. I felt a lot better after making some songs.

Other than working on “Dynamite,” you’ve spent very little time away from home. How do you pass the time when you’re by yourself? V: I really like just spacing out, so I’ll sit in my room doing nothing for hours. I could try putting on a movie, but then I couldn’t concentrate and would just zone out. When that happens, it’s kind of like I’m living without a thought or care in the world. Maybe I should make a song about all of this someday. Probably call it “Spaced.” (laughs) Anyway, these days I’m looking for ways to keep myself happy.

Have you found anything? V: Well, I’m listening to LPs lately. It’s getting to be Christmas season and I love snow, so I bought two or three Christmas LPs to listen to. I’m also listening to old jazz songs by Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. Frank Sinatra is cool, like chilled wine; Sammy Davis Jr. is crazy talented. (laughs).

So that’s the type of performer you find cool. V: Those two were also a big inspiration to me while we were working on “Dynamite.” Sinatra has all this jazzy body language, but he also threw some disco in there. And I imagined how Sammy Davis Jr. might dance if there were a mic on stage and he had to dance around it. They were a lot of help when I was finding a way to be upbeat and cool at the same time in “Dynamite.”

I guess making “Dynamite” must have been some consolation even when you couldn’t meet fans due to COVID-19. V: We couldn’t put on a concert and couldn’t see ARMY, so we were feeling more and more drained. It seemed like an endless battle. We really wanted to see ARMY feeling better, so we had to get back up on stage and make another album so that together we could beat this thing. I want to be the friend who’s always cheering ARMY on, but there aren’t many ways to make them feel better.

How was the whole “Dynamite” experience? You made it to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 and also had a chance to perform in a variety of different styles. V: Shooting the Tiny Desk Concert was a very natural process, which was nice. But actually, with the situation being what it is, we couldn’t really feel much. The day the news came out was of course thrilling. It was great, actually, all of us calling each other and some of us laughing and others crying: “We haven’t gone down the wrong path after all! Turns out we had a chance—it really was possible!”

While you were performing in “Dynamite,” you were also the visual director for BE. I’m sure you were unimaginably busy taking photos, but were you able to communicate well with the other members? V: We communicated smoothly, and I listened to all of their concept ideas and I organized everything around that. If we tried something too natural, it wouldn’t be conceptual enough, so we did our best to strike a balance.

You had everyone sitting in the middle, with the set arranged symmetrically around you. V: That was made possible thanks to everyone having their own ideas. There was no overlap between items, which actually allowed us to create a sense of unity by placing all these different props symmetrically. It wasn’t intended to be symmetrical; each member really did choose something unique.

In your room, you included a violin and a photograph. V: That’s a picture I took. I like photos and drawings, but if I had used any art then I would’ve been using that one particular artist’s work, so I thought I’d better use one of my own photos. I ended up choosing the violin because I learned how to play it but also because I enjoy classical and jazz.

So how do you feel it turned out? V: I made it, so naturally I like it. (laughs) Part of me thinks I should’ve tried something more conceptual. BE was supposed to give off sort of a magazine or poster feel since we didn’t shoot many of those, but it ended up having more of a natural feel to it. But I did think that the next time we try to make a photoshoot conceptual we should move away from that natural look a bit. The group explained their ideas clearly and they were simple enough to do, so I think it all went really smoothly.

It sounds like there were no problems choosing the songs for BE. How did you feel recording your parts on the other members’ songs? V: I like “Dis-ease,” which Hobi wrote, but stylistically it was challenging. It’s really far from my own style so it took a long time to get used to. “Fly to My Room” used to be my favorite song, but it was also the hardest to sing. It was okay at first, until Jimin jumped in.

What about Jimin? V: Because I had to keep up with Jimin, the song went up maybe three keys. I thought I would die. (laughs) It started out as my favorite song, but it was just way too hard to sing.

But why did you have to sing that way? V: Jimin said he was sorry, that he couldn’t go any lower. (laughs) When I first heard the demo version, the key was perfect for me, so I thought it would sound great and I should definitely do it. But then Jimin said he wanted to do it too, so I said, “Great, let’s do it together.” Turns out we went up three keys. So I said, “Hey, what’s the deal? Should I just give up?” But, well, somehow it all worked out in the end. It was a happy ending. (laughs)

People might be able to hear that part better because it’s so much higher. (laughs) The tone of your combined voices and the way they contrast is really impressive. V: Yes, but all that aside, it was quite the struggle. (laughs) And the chorus is really long. I think it repeats, what, four times?

Yes, it feels like the chorus never ends. The production style is very unique. I like how the emotion is carried through the whole way. V: I agree, but it’s so long. The chorus turned out crazy, like I was kind of beating the melody into people’s ears. (laughs) The chorus is good, but the whole song’s melody is really catchy. Whenever I heard the beat, I was totally into it. The way the vocals pick up on the beat and the melody was so original and fun, I just had to do it.

What instructions did you give to the other members when they were singing on your song, “Blue & Grey”? V: I didn’t really have to give them instructions much. I told them it would be nice if they could think of all their problems and then try healing those wounds with their voices, since if they focus on those emotions, there’ll be more feeling in the song. They all did a good job expressing the emotions I wasn’t able to.

It seems like you intended “Blue & Grey” to be a melancholy song. I heard you had originally planned to put it on your mixtape. V: I wrote “Blue & Grey” when I was at my lowest point, when I was actually asking whether I could keep going with my work or not. Even the fun parts of work became a chore, and my whole life felt aimless. “Where do I go from here? I can’t even see the end of the tunnel.” Those kinds of thoughts hit me hard.

Was there a reason for that? V: It was when work was a major challenge. When I’m happy, I want to work, and when I’m happy I can put on a smile and see the fans, but there was just so much work to do. I’m an easygoing, you know, laid-back person, but I was stretched too thin and I was starting to sputter. What I mean is, I was having a really tough time, and thinking, “What’s waiting for me at the end? It’s important to be successful, but I’m also trying to be happy, so how come I’m not happy right now?” That’s when I started to write “Blue & Grey.”

So writing the song was sort of your way of bringing yourself some peace of mind. V: There was a time I was going through something like this. I was having the toughest time, but I couldn’t keep carrying that feeling around with me. Instead, I could use it as a kind of fertilizer. So I took care of that feeling by constantly writing it down in my notes. I just kept writing everything down, and when finally I felt like I wanted to try writing a song, I did. After the song was finished, I felt a sense of accomplishment, and that’s how I was able to let go of “Blue & Grey.” That was one way I wanted to try getting over my problem.

The songs you make or sing solo on all have similar images: night; loneliness; snow. V: I like nighttime and the late-night air, and when it snows, too. I liked those things since way back when, but lately I feel things like snow and the night air keep me alive. They may just be another part of normal life to other people, but to me, they represent very special moments.

That makes me think of the ending from “Blue & Grey”: “After secretly sending my words up into the air / Now I fall asleep at dawn.” V: I don’t really sleep well. I toss and turn and get caught up in a lot of thoughts. Even when I turn out all the lights, I can see everything clearly. I close my eyes, but all my thoughts spread wide open. Then I’m sleepy at work, and staring off into space when I’m alone, with bags under my eyes, but if I want to avoid that then I really have to sleep. Except, with the way I am, it doesn’t allow for it. I wrote about that in the first and second verses; a feeling like, “When I’m stuck thinking like this, everything is grey, and I’m all blue.” I wrote these feelings out as a song, and now that I’m thinking about it again, I’m actually over it. I feel a lot lighter. I sent my words out into the air, and now I fall asleep at dawn. You’re supposed to sleep at night, but I’m sleeping in the morning again. So I say “good night,” but it’s not actually a good night. “I pass out because I’m exhausted” kind of thing. It’s the emotions I felt in those moments that I wanted to express.

What do you hope hearing about that feeling will do for listeners? V: Rather than just some stranger telling them to cheer up, I think it’s better to say something like, “You seem depressed lately,” or, “Seems like these days it’s tough for you to perk up.” “Blue & Grey” is the same: “You’re depressed lately? Me too. We’re in the same boat. Wanna talk about how you’re feeling? You wanna feel better, right? I know, but sometimes it feels like you’re being washed away by a whirlpool of stress.” I want the listeners to hear me saying that to them.

It’s important to express your emotions right away when they’re so overwhelming. V: Yes. I usually write a lot of songs when I’m feeling emotional, but these days I have so many different things to do that I can’t really write anything. I tried to write something before when I had a little time, but nothing came out because the feelings I had were already gone. So I tell myself, “You gotta write a lot when you’ve got the feels!” (laughs) And then I open my notes app and come back to old notes, like, “Ah, so that’s how I was feeling back then? I see. Well, that’s how I used to be, I guess.” So I tried to write “Blue & Grey” quickly, as soon as a big feeling came on.

Then it’s important to revisit those feelings when you’re producing a song or choosing which songs to release? V: If you can’t bring the feeling back, you can’t make the song, either. I release a song if I feel it expresses who I was and how I felt at the time when I wrote it. Even if we record it perfectly, if the result sounds artificial, I would rather release another, more honest sounding song instead, even if it’s not perfect.

Are those the kinds of songs you selected for your mixtape? V: Um … I don’t know. This is my first mixtape, you know, so I feel a ton of pressure about it. I’m thinking all the time about what kind of album I should make so that I can feel satisfied with it. The title track is the title track, but everyone also says to just leave it as it is, but I keep getting the urge to keep putting in more and more.

You usually write and choose songs based on your emotions. Maybe the pressure to make your first mixtape comes from you having a hard time with that. V: I think it still has a long way to go. Maybe it’s because it’s my first mixtape, but it’s so hard. And I feel like it’s a little lazy. People tell me just to put it out and see how it does, but I’d rather know what needs to be fixed before I release it. I also don’t want the title track to be depressing. I want it to be positive and help people beat those depressed feelings. But it’s not easy.

That sounds a lot like what the members conveyed with “Life Goes On.” V: I think we showed the current situation in a very straightforward and honest way. We’re still going, going, going. And the going is tough. But it doesn’t end here. I wish we were back with ARMY, laughing together. I hope we’ll all be happy in the future and keep on doing our own best, cherishing our hope for our happy future.

© source

[op-law]

Charlotte Kato x Reader {I Need You} Ch 1

(Y/n)'s Pov

"(Y/n) we're leaving now! Hurry up or else you'll have to crave a watermelon this year!" As my sister threw my bedroom door open, I practically tossed my laptop across the room but I somehow managed to stop myself before that could happen. Though as I tried to get my heavy breathing under control, I replied to the girl that had barged into my safe space. "G-Geez Yuki, don't you know how to knock? Just let me find my socks then I'll be right downstairs"

"Hehehe. Alright but don't take too long~" Once she had left the room, I quickly found a dirty pair of socks before I did the smell test and slipped them onto my feet. "I hope the corn maze is ready now it's the best part of visiting the pumpkin patch" After I found my favorite Halloween sweater from my closet, I left the room and started down the steps.

"Perfect now that the whole family's here we can head out! Oh, and good news sweetheart I called ahead and they said the corn maze is open for business as of today" Hm, that was good news indeed. "That's great Frank but don't call me sweetheart again you're not my Dad so stop pretending that you are" I didn't intend to sound so hostile towards the man but I was sick and tired of him trying to replace my Dad.

"Sorry (Y/n) didn't mean to upset you... Let's all head out now it's a bit of a drive to get there though that's alright since it will all be worth it to see you kids happy" After the six of us had piled into the old caravan I refused to speak to anyone as I popped my earbuds in and started up my One Piece playlist.

'As a kid, I never stopped searching for a great treasure'

~~~~~~~~~~

45 Minutes Later...

I was lost in my music though when someone pulled out my earbud I was brought back into reality. "(Y/n) we're here. Come on I can even see a candy apple stand and I know how much you love those" Since it was only Yuki I gave her a pass as I unbuckled my seatbelt and followed her out of the van. "You're crying again (Y/n)"

Thankfully the others had already left so I quickly wiped my tears on the back of the sleeve of my sweater before I looped my arms with Yuki's. "Where should we go first, Yu? I hope you brought cash since I don't have a penny to my name" When my little sister brought us over to the candy apple booth, she brought us each one. "Dad gave me some cash so I'll take care of buying our stuff for the day"

As the word 'Dad' rolled off of my sister's tongue I felt a sharp pain shoot through my heart but I tried to ignore it. Sure, Yuki didn't have the same relationship with our Dad that I had though it still upset me to hear her call someone else Dad. She was only three when he died and I was seven but I was the one who watched him take his last breath. Even though ten years had passed since that day I still thought about him every day.

"Oh, look (Y/n) there's the corn maze! How about we have a little bet? The first one to find their way out gets to boss the other person around for the rest of the day. Which path are you going to take Sis?" As I looked over the map, I finally decided I would take the second path on the right. "I'll see you on the other side Yuki and if I'm not out by the time you finish just head to the pumpkin patch since I wanted to go there next anyways"

"Okay! See ya (Y/n)!" Once the girl had disappeared into one of the other paths, I started down my own though I was a little surprised to see how tall the corn was since it was still early in the season but I wasn't about to complain about it. "Now to find the exit~ Hehehe. I love October so much~" There was just something about this month that sent shivers up my spine but I just loved the feeling it brought to me.

"Boy and girls of every age wouldn't you like to see something strange?~" While I was making my way through the maze I had come across multiple dead ends and so far I still couldn't find the exit. It was a little strange since usually, I would have found my way out by now though maybe I just picked a bad path.

'(Y/n)~'

"Hm, Yuki is that you?... Yuki?" When I didn't get a response, I figured that I must have been hearing things or maybe the girl was celebrating her victory over me. "I need to find the exit so I can go hunt down my pumpkin" I took the next right in the path but something blocking the path had caused me to trip. "What the hell was that?... Hm, who in the hell would put a pumpkin in the middle of a pathway like this?"

As I picked up the medium-sized pumpkin in my hands, I gave it a once over though something about it felt familiar to me. "Hehehe. You kind of remember me of the sweet adorable Kato from Whole Cake Island. I wonder if the staff will let me buy you... I'm going to ask since I'm sure they'll be fine with it" When I stood up from the ground I continued on my way and as fate would have it, I finally found the exit. "There you are (Y/n)! You took forever in ther- where did you find a pumpkin?"

"I tripped over it before I found the exit though I think I want to buy this one. It's super adorable just like Kato don't you think?" As Yuki started to reply I could already see the frown on her lips but I didn't care since this little guy was coming home with me. "The pumpkin freak? Ha. Ha. Ha. Don't tell me you actually have feelings for that character (Y/n) I mean I can understand some of your other 'crushes' but that guy is just weird"

"Don't you have a crush on Basil Hawkins? I'm pretty sure that guy has a cult and he enjoys torturing poor innocent people like my baby Trafalgar Law" Sure, Hawkins might have looked like a normal guy but he just seemed like the type that would bathe in the blood of his victims. "Yeah... we're not going to discuss that (Y/n). Though at least my man actually looks like a man unlike the weirdo Kato"

I knew this wasn't going to end well but I couldn't help when a reply spilled from my lips. "At least Kato doesn't have any face tattoos" Yuki's face started to turn this bright red color as the insult war went into full swing. "At least Hawkins wears pants" When the next insult poured from my lips Yuki's cheeks had started to turn pink. "At least Kato smiles"

"Hawkins can smile and when he does it sexy as hell... Oh shit, thank God no one was around to hear me say that... Let's go to the pumpkin patch so I can get myself a pumpkin" As I started to giggle about the girl's outburst, I held my pumpkin closer to my chest though when something wet slid across my thumb I almost dropped it. "What was that?"

When I turned the pumpkin around, I didn't see anything that could have caused the wetness on my hand but I chalked it up to just being a drop of water from a nearby tree or something like that. "Weird... Yuki wait for me!" The girl didn't stop running towards the pumpkin patch though I easily caught up to her before she could get very far. "Slow down Yu! I'm going to end up dropping my pumpkin at this rate!" Thankfully this time Yuki did as I asked. "I'm sorry Sis. What are you going to crave on your pumpkin this year? You always do something different each year and they always come out looking fantastic"

"I'm not sure yet"

"Oh, look at this pumpkin (Y/n) it's huge! Do you think it will fit in the van? I don't want to take up too much space but I also really want it" I took a good long look at the pumpkin she wanted though I didn't think it would be a problem since it would fit perfectly fine in the backseat between us. "We can put it in the empty space in the back seat. If you can find Frank ask him to carry it for you since I'd rather not speak to that man any more than I have to"

"Alright (Y/n) I'll go find him but please try and at least be nice to him for once. He really cares about us like we're his own kids" That might have been true but there was no way in hell that I was going to get along with Frank any time soon. "No, it's not going to happen Yuki and you know that. I need to clear my head for a minute just text me when we're ready to leave" Why couldn't Yuki just keep her thoughts to herself for once? I didn't mean to get as upset as I did at the girl but it was far too late to turn back now.

'That wasn't very nice (Y/n)'

"Hm, who said that?" I had definitely heard someone speak though when I looked around, I didn't see anyone. "Hello?" There was a moment of silence as the sound of birds chirping met my ears but when I got no response from a person, I only shrugged my shoulders and kept walking. "Must have been the wind"

The rest of my walk was quiet and uneventful but I still didn't feel like going back to the others just yet. "This looks like a good place to sit" Since there wasn't much out here to use as a seat, I ended up just sitting on the slightly wet grass while my back leaned against the tree behind me. "It's so peaceful out here... Too bad I can't stay here forever"

I knew there wasn't going to be much time to myself today but I was at least going to enjoy every second that I had right now. "Hm, I wonder what kind of design would look the best on you. Any thoughts small pumpkin?" As my fingertips started to trace along the ribs of the pumpkin's hard shell, I felt a pleasant feeling start to fill my chest. Though I wasn't exactly sure what had caused me to feel this way.

"My Dad helped me crave my first pumpkin when I was just two years old. We had to use those silly plastic craving tools since I was too little to use the regular kitchen knife. It became our tradition to carve a pumpkin every year together but... now he's dead and it's all my fault" I couldn't stop my tears from falling any longer and I just sat there as they hit against the shell on the orange object within my lap. "H-He never would have been driving that day if I hadn't dropped the pumpkin b-but I did a-and it cracked. H-H-He just wanted me to be happy. I killed him!"

'It wasn't your fault (Y/n)'

~~~~~~~~~

End Chapter 1

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High Ch 21: The Truth ‘Bill’ Out

Chapter Summary: Fliss and Frank both struggle to deal with the aftermath of their break up so Bill decides to take things into his own hands...

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words.

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: Ok, I’m sorry I upset you with the last chapter… and a shout out to my partner in crime @icanfeelastormbrewing​ for her input in this chapter.

Chapter Song:  Wait for Me by Kings of Leon

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist 

Take a shot in the rain, one for the pain, and listen up

Frank woke the next morning fully clothed on the sofa. Squinting he groaned at the pain in his head, scrambling to find his phone. As he swiped it cancel his alarm his thumb paused as he glanced at the photo of Fliss and Mary on the screen. Swallowing he turned the screen off, tossed his phone onto the table and pushed himself up, trudging to the shower.

He had spent most of the night drinking the expensive scotch his mother had bought him, trying to understand what had happened. He had tried to call Fliss, messaged her but her response had been a single text telling him she was sorry and requesting that he respect her decision. The worst thing had been trying to explain to Mary. Frank didn't believe in lying to her, certainly not if he could help it, but he had completely chickened out and told her that Fliss had some paperwork to do and would be staying at the annex for the night. Mart had accepted this, and it had bought him enough time to figure out what the fuck he was going to say.

He stumbled into the shower and then decided that the state his head was in he wasn't going to function in work. So once he was dried and had awoken Mary he called Paul and said they he had a migraine so wouldn't be in. He made Mary a sandwich and then once she was packed off on the bus he turned and headed back home.

Once in the living room he looked around. It was littered with reminders of her. Photos, a hoody draped over the dining table chair, those fucking scatter cushions. It was screaming at Frank to get rid if it all, but he couldn't. Not yet. He was still clinging to something desperate hope that she would come back, explaining what had happened and they'd work through it.

And then there was a knock at the door. He paused for a moment, before it opened and a familiar voice called his name.

"Frank? Son?"

He turned to face Bill as he walked through the door.

"She sent you for her stuff?" Frank asked and Bill eyed him for a moment before he shook his head.

"No. She hasn't. And, well even if she asked me to come get it I wouldn't...this is her mess, not mine."

Frank looked at him for a moment before he shrugged and headed into the kitchen grabbing the coffee from the cupboard.

"So what are you here for Bill?"

"Honestly?" Bill raised his eyebrows "to see how you were..."

"Fucking marvellous." Frank said, slamming the cupboard shut "girlfriend's left me, giving me no reason, I'm hungover to shit and at some point today I gotta figure out what I tell Mary."

He leaned back against the kitchen counter and pinched his nose before he scrubbed his hand down his face.

"How is she?" Frank looked at Bill. Bill sighed and shook his head.

"Hardly said a word since she came home yesterday evening." Bill shrugged "other than to tell she had ended things with you, that it was her decision and she wasn't going into it."

"She didn’t go into it with me either so..." Frank snorted, shaking his head. "So if you've come to find out what’s going on I can't help you Bill, because I don’t know."

"No, honestly Frank...I meant it when I said I came to see how you were. V and I were worried..."

Frank was about to shoot some sarcastic response back but when he saw Bill's face was arranged with genuine concern he simply shrugged and looked down, shaking his head.

"I love her Bill...and I thought things were going great. I just don't understand."

With a sigh Bill stepped forward and gripped Frank's shoulder.

"I'm really mad at her Frank." Bill sighed "but I know she’s hurting too...don't give up on her. Not just yet."

Frank sighed and scratched at his head as Bill released his grip on his shoulder. 

"She made it quite clear she doesn’t want to see me or talk to me Bill." Frank shrugged.

"She doesn’t know what she wants" Bill shook his head. "All am asking is that you at least try to talk to her."

"I need time, too Bill." He sighed "I'm angry and upset myself. I can't face her yet. It’s gonna be bad enough taking Mary up to see Monty..."

"I know." Bill said "and if you ever want me to take Mary instead so you don’t have to, certainly for the time being, I'm happy to do so."

Frank nodded "thanks."

"Ok, well you know where to find me." Bill shrugged “And I was hoping that, maybe when the dust settles a little, me and V can still take Mary out once a week, for a burger or something. You know we love that little girl, and nothing is gonna change that."

Frank looked at Bill and saw a flicker of worry flash across the older man's face.

"Bill..." Frank said gently "I'll never stop you and Verity seeing Mary. As long as you're happy to do so. I just...well I just don’t want it to be awkward for you and Fliss, meaning there's to be a point later where you leave her life too. Mary’s had enough turmoil over the last 12 months to last a lifetime."

"No I get that." Bill nodded "and thanks Frank. You're a good man."

Frank nodded and Bill gave him another small smile before he turned and headed out.

***** Mary didn’t take the news brilliantly, as Frank had anticipated. She’d teared up and asked Frank why Fliss wanted to leave them, to which Frank had answered as honestly as he could, that he simply didn’t know but that it was nothing to do with her. And then she’d surprised him by saying, for the first time ever that she didn’t want to go to Roberta’s that night, but she wanted to stay with him.  So they spent the Friday evening with a pizza, watched a film, both huddled together on the sofa. She didn’t mention Fliss again other than to say she didn’t want to go for her lesson either the next day, instead saying she would go during the week. Out of courtesy more than anything Frank messaged Fliss to let her know. After an hour or so she replied simply to tell him that it was fine and she would make sure Monty was looked after.

Monday morning rolled around and Frank was glad of the distraction if he was honest, burying himself into his work. And during the day he was ok because his mind was busy but in the evening after Mary had gone to bed and he himself was getting ready to hit the sack, he found himself simply staring at Fliss’s toothbrush and toiletries. Unable to look at them anymore he grabbed the various bottles of stuff belonging to her and placed them all in one of the wicker boxes held under the sink in the unit.

Tuesday evening he spent with Simon and Greg. Simon had heard from Bonnie what had happened when she had called Fliss. Simon informed Frank that Fliss had refused to talk to Bonnie about it and just asked the woman to leave it alone. They had a few beers and it was a good distraction for a while but again once they left, Frank was alone with his thoughts and an aching in his chest.

And it wasn’t just his thoughts. It was the physical reminders. As well as the photos and cushions, there was the dog basket in the bedroom that belonged to Thor, when he decided to sleep on it and not Mary’s bed that is, her favourite mug, the blue and gold shimmering wine glasses they’d bought, her clothes in the fucking closet. Frank had no idea what he was supposed to do. Did he pack it up and take it to her, or wait for her to come and claim it?

Wednesday morning Mary told him she wanted to go and see Monty so Frank nodded. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. On the one hand he was happy he’d at least get to see Fliss, maybe they could have a reasonable conversation but on the other he knew seeing her was going to tear him in two. He also was a little worried how Mary was going to react. He called Fliss, and unsurprisingly she didn’t pick up. But surprisingly she did call him back a little after lunch.

“Hi.” he said, a little nervously as he answered.

“HI.” she replied quietly “I err, I had a call so…”

“Oh, yeah, erm, Mary wants to come up and see Monty so I wanted to make sure it was ok.” “Of course its ok.” she said gently, “Frank, I’d never stop her coming up to see her pony.”

“No I know that, I just…” Frank took a deep breath, “It doesn’t matter, we’ll see you later.” “Ok, erm, bye.” “Yeah, bye.”

He cut the call, his throat was dry and he felt like his heart was about to pound out through his chest. And that had been simply at the sound of her voice. It had been a week since he’d heard it and now it had knocked him for 6. And suddenly he wasn’t looking forward to seeing her at all.

****** Fliss tossed her phone down and ran her hands over her face. She was tired. Since moving back into the annex she hadn’t been sleeping properly, having nightmares for the first time in almost a year. She wasn’t eating properly and she was continually snapping at her parents too as they were crowding her she felt. Almost as much as when she had left Boston. She knew they were simply concerned, as was Bonnie but she just simply wanted to be left alone. She was hurting too, leaving Frank had killed her, it was the worst thing she had ever been through, worse than any beating John had inflicted on her.

She also knew at some point she was going to have to face him, go round and collect her stuff. Her mum and dad had made it quite clear they weren’t going to bail her out on that one, which was understandable she guessed. They were upset too, her dad especially as he was very close to Frank, and they both loved Mary as if she was their own grandchild.

It wasn’t her own life or Frank’s she’d thrown into chaos, it was theirs too.

She wiped at her eyes, stood up and headed out into the late October sun, striding over to the paddock as she rolled her shoulder which was sore from the tumble out of bed she’d taken in the middle of the night. It was her dodgy shoulder, the one John had dislocated as part of one of his beatings, so she knew that was going to be troubling her for a good week or so now she’d jarred it again. But in some sick, twisted way she relished the pain. A physical manifesto of the agony she was feeling inside.

She had 3 clients that afternoon, so the time whizzed by and before she knew it it was half 4 and Mary would be arriving any second. She turned and headed into her office, trying to calm herself down, feeling her anxiety spiking. Thor, having sensed it, gently nuzzled his nose onto her lap as he always did and she sat for a quiet 15 minutes simply breathing and stroking his soft head and ears, glad he was giving her something of a grounding. And then his ears pricked up as he caught the familiar sound of Frank’s truck and giving a low whine of excitement he shot off across the yard.

Taking a deep breath Fliss stood up and walked out of her office and saw Frank walking onto the main courtyard, Mary’s hand in his.

“HI…” Fliss greeted him a little tentatively, and he gave her a small smile, his eyes hidden behind his aviators.

“Hi.” he said gently.

“HI Mary.” Fliss looked at her and Mary glanced up, before she looked away.

“Hi.” she said a little stiffly. Fliss swallowed and then took a deep breath.

“Do you want to ride today or…” “No.” Mary shook her head “Not with you.” “Mary.” Frank said, looking down at her “Remember what I said in the truck…”

Mary took a deep breath and looked down at her feet, her boots kicking at the slate gravel which covered the yard before she looked up at Fliss “I just want to brush him today.” “Ok, well, he’s in the pasture. Do you want me to come-“ “I’ll ask Joanna.” Mary said, as she let go of Frank’s hand.

“She’s in the back barn, tell her I sent you.” Mary didn’t reply, she simply headed off.

“She’s upset.” Frank said as he watched her go. He turned to Fliss and shrugged “She’ll come round.”

Fliss gave him a small smile. “Do you want a drink or anything?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.” he said, shaking his head “Think I’m gonna go with Mary…” “Sure.” Fliss nodded, “I’ll be in the office. If she needs me or changes her mind about riding, just…” Frank gave her a tight smile again before he headed off.

Fliss watched him leave, claiming her hand over her mouth tightly before she pinched the bridge of her nose, screwing up her eyes to try and stem the tears which were threatening to come. Composing herself she turned and headed back into her office and started to busy herself with some lesson plans.

It was about 40 minutes later when there was a knock at the door and Frank poked his head in.

“We’re gonna go.” he said, “Do you want Monty back out or…”

“No, it’s fine.” she stood up “I’ll do it later once he’s been fed.” “Ok…” he nodded, turning to go.

“Is Mary ok?” Fliss asked and Frank stopped. He took a deep breath and turned to face her.

“What do you think?” he said, his voice was a little harsher than it had been before and Fliss hung her head.

“Sorry.” she said softly. “Can I talk to her.” “Be my guest.” he said, turning once more to leave “Not sure it will do you much good.”

Fliss rose from her chair, her hands shaking a little as she headed out after him. Mary was packing her brushes back in the little box kept by Monty’s stable.

“Hey.” Fliss greeted her “Was he a good boy?” “He’s always a good boy.” Mary shrugged, standing up and stroking his nose.

“That’s true.” Fliss said, her hands slipping into the pockets of her breeches. “So, do you want to ride at weekend? We can try that jumping…”

"Why don't you love me or Frank anymore?" Mary cut her off, spinning to face her. Fliss felt her heart break even further as she looked at the little girl who was staring at her, her large eyes wide and wet with tears. "No, no Mary..." Fliss crouched down and looked at her "I do honey, I do love you, I love you so much, I just..." "You just don't love Frank anymore?" Fliss took a deep breath, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I'll always love Frank..." "Then why did you leave our home?" Mary began to sob "what did he do?" "Mary..." Fliss shook her head "I just had to. I wish I could explain it better but I can't. You're too young to..." "Stop saying that!" Mary yelled and she spun round, pointing at Frank who had up until that point had been stood at the door to the barn, deliberately looking the other way. Hearing her outburst he turned in time to see Mary raise her hand towards him. "He keeps telling me that too, but I'm not stupid! Why do you both keep treating me like I am?" "Mary..." Frank said softly as he strode towards her. "Come on..." "I hate you..." Mary glared at Fliss who looked as though she has been physically slapped. Her head dropped and she looked down at the floor taking a deep breath. "Mary..." Frank shook his head "Don’t say that..." "I do." Mary's face was full of rage "She made you cry...she made me cry...she promised she would always be there and now she's not and..." "Ok. Ok..." he said gently, he himself crouching down in front of her, a meter or so away from Fliss "I get that you're angry but be kind huh.” "Why should I?" Mary shook her head. "Because I'm asking ya to." Frank said softly. "I told you before on the way here that this..." he gestured with his hand between himself and Fliss, his eyes flicking to the woman's face as she wiped a tear from her cheek, “…us breaking up...it doesn’t mean that Fliss doesn't care about you." "If she did she wouldn't be leaving me!" Mary blazed and at that point Frank shook his head. "It’s me she's leaving Stack, not you."

Fliss took a deep breath and stood up, turning away, her hand covering her mouth. Frank glanced up at her before he turned to Mary.

"Go wait in the truck." He said to her gently "I won’t be be long"

Mary shot one last look at Fliss before she did as Frank had said and headed off out of the barn and disappeared out of sight.

"Sorry." Frank looked at Fliss as she turned to face him "She shouldn't have said that."

"It doesn't matter..." Fliss shook her head avoiding his gaze. "She’s every right to be angry. I have let her down."

"I think it might be best, certainly for the foreseeable if you take care of Monty." Frank said his voice even and Fliss looked up at him, a mix of sadness and surprise on her face.

"But he is her pony..."

"Oh come on Fliss..." he snorted and shook his head. “Surely you can't be that naive as to think that thinks could just carry on..."

"No but..."

"How can I bring her here if every time she comes she’s gonna react like that?" Frank ran his hand through his hair "it's me that has to deal with the fall out and I'm struggling to deal with my own feelings at the moment"

“Ok, if that’s what you want…” “No, I don’t want!” Frank shook his head “I don’t want any of this…but you’ve made it perfectly clear you do and I’ll respect that. I just wish you respected me enough to tell me why.” “Frank, please…” “You left, with no explanation, other than it wasn’t working…but there’s more to it, I can see it written on your face.” his voice was level but his jaw was twitching “Don’t you think I have a right to know?” Fliss tipped her head back and looked up at the sky, blinking back her tears as he continued.

“How would you feel if I had walked out on you, with nothing more than some shitty explanation about it not working and needing space, when a month before we’d been planning for a future together? Fliss, I wanted to marry you, spend my forever with you and…” He trailed off, shaking his head looking around “I’ve spent the last week in a daze, I lay awake at night trying to understand and I just can’t…and that’s the worst bit.” Fliss looked down at her feet and shook her head softly.

“And that’s all you can do or say?” Frank snorted “Absolutely fucking nothing?”

“I’m sorry.” she looked at him, her eyes full of tears “I really am.”

“Yeah, well, so am I.” he said simply, “let me know when you want to collect your stuff from the apartment, I’ll make sure it’s ready.” and with that he turned and left.

*****

“I think it’s the fuel line…” Bill said, walking back into the office, where Fliss and Verity were sat having a coffee whilst he had been taking a look at Fliss’ wagon. It was early Friday evening and she’d wanted nothing more than to load Heidi up and take her for a blast down the beach to clear her mind, but when she had gone to start the wagon to move it out so she could load up her tack it had refused to start. “But I can’t be certain. Not something I can sort really…you’ll need a mechanic.” he turned to look at her “If only you knew one…” “Don’t start Dad.” Fliss shook her head. “Just…”

“Bill…” Verity gave him a warning glare, and Bill simply took a deep breath, shaking his head.

“I’ll speak to Alan, see if he knows a decent one that can come look at it.”

“Thanks.” Fliss said, standing up “I’m gonna go check the fields. Can you just throw the keys back in the drawer?”

“Sure, see you at home yeah?”

She nodded, called Thor to her and headed out.

Bill shook his head and moved to open the drawer to the desk. He tossed the keys inside, and then frowned as he saw the manila envelope that was stuffed inside.

“What is it?” Verity asked.

“That…that’s a Boston post mark….” he said, lifting it out. With a frown,  knowing full well there was only one person really from Boston that would be sending Fliss stuff, he turned it over and pulled out the printed photograph. His eyes scanned it and he let out an angry noise and strode out into the courtyard.

“Fliss!” he bellowed “Felicity Rose Gallagher, get back here right now…” “What’s going on?” Verity asked, and he thrust the photo at her by means of an explanation.

Fliss, having heard her dad shouting stopped dead and turned back to look at the office. She glanced down at Thor before she turned back and headed towards him.

“What’s…” she stopped dead as she saw the envelope on the desk and the photo in her mother’s hand.

“Care to explain this?” Bill said, snatching the paper out of Verity’s fingers and slamming it down on the desk."

"You had no right to go looking through my stuff." she looked at him, angrily.

"Oh cut the crap Liss." Bill shook his head “When did you get that?”

“Last Wednesday.” she said softly.

“Last Wednesday?” Verity frowned, “that was the day you finished with Frank…” she trailed off as the dots connected in her head as Fliss looked down at the floor

“Oh please tell me I’m wrong…” Verity looked at her, shaking her head.

Fliss didn’t respond.

"Oh, I cannot believe you.” Bill looked at her “This? This is why you ended it? Over some pathetic threat without even telling him?"

"It isn’t pathetic!" Fliss looked up at her dad, her eyes blazing. "I know what he is capable of..."

"Well in that case don't you think Frank has the right to know?" Bill glared at her. "If you believe Mary is in danger then you should have told Frank and gone to the police..."

Fliss swallowed and looked down, shaking her head "I know John. This is about having control over me. If he thinks he’s won he will leave them alone…”

"You’re so fucking stupid." Bill sighed.

“Bill…” Verity said gently, trying to calm him down but he was too far gone to listen.

"You've let him win Liss, after everything you went through….”

"This isn’t about him winning!" Fliss practically screamed "This about keeping Mary and Frank safe...not only from him but…well, can you imagine what Frank would have done if he’d seen that?"

“So have you rung John and told him you've done what he wants?"

“Of course I fucking haven't"

"No fault whatsoever in your logic there, huh Titch..." Bill snorted, sarcastically "Tell me, how exactly do you expect him to know it’s over?"

Fliss looked at her dad for a moment, floundering for a response. But she didn’t have one.

"Frank has a right to know about that photo, and more so he deserves to understand why you walked out on him." Bill shook his head, as Verity gently placed a hand on his arm.

"If you wanna discuss rights then I don’t have the right to put a target on his or Mary’s back.” Fliss screamed back before she took a deep breath, shaking her head “Now I’m going for a walk. See you at home.”

Bill watched as she left the office, an angry noise escaping from his throat.

“You were a bit hard on her there Billy.” Verity said, looking at him.

“She needed it.” Bill sighed. He placed both his hands on the desk and hung his head slightly “I can’t believe she’s been so stupid.” “She’s scared.” Verity said gently “She’s not thinking straight…” “You can say that again.” he looked at the photo for a second before he reached out and grabbed it, shoving it back in the envelope. He paused for a second, holding it in his hand before he turned to Verity “And I’m not standing for it…come one” “Where are we going?” Verity called after him as they made their way towards his car.

“To find Frank.” “Bill, we can’t…” Verity shook her head “If we go behind her back…” “Then you can wait in the car Verity.” he looked at her. “I don’t care what she says anymore, I’m not standing back and watching her throw anymore of her life away over that ass hole. And that aside, Frank has a right to know. So seeing as she’s too fucking stubborn to do it herself, then I’m gonna do it for her.”

***** “Thought I might find you here.”

Frank turned to look at Bill as he slid into the seat at the opposite side of the table to him in Ferg’s.

“Yeah well, not like I got much else to do.” Frank shrugged, taking a drink from his bottle.

“How many have you had?” Bill asked

“What are you my dad?” Frank shot back, turning to glare at him. Bill merely raised his eyebrows in response and Frank sighed, shaking his head.

“Sorry…” he took a deep breath “This is my first. Not been here long”

“Good...then you're still sober enough to think straight…” “Think straight about what?” Frank frowned. After a second or so pause Bill reached into his pocket and slid an envelope across the surface of the table.

“What’s this?” Frank frowned.

“An explanation.” Bill sighed, “Well, of sorts anyway.” Frank looked at him, frowning before he placed his bottle down and picked it up. He pulled out the paper from inside and glanced down at it. As soon as he saw the message typed out he felt the heat rise up his neck and into his face, anger flooding his system.

“Fuck…” Frank said loudly, shaking his head “He sent this?” Bill nodded.

“And this...this is why she broke it off?” “She thought if she finished it, gave John what he wanted as in to make her life a fucking misery, that he’d back off and it would mean you and Mary were safe.” “Jesus ...” Frank ran his hand through his hair “Why the fuck didn't she tell me?” “Because she was scared.” Bill said “Scared of what he would do and scared of your reaction” “My reaction?”

“Tell me you’re not thinking about hunting the fucker down and killing him yourself.” Bill looked at him and Frank looked away.

“If it wasn’t for Mary I’d have done that months ago.” he shook his head.

“Exactly. She was worried that this might have been that step that pushed you over the edge.” Bill shrugged. “Look, I’m not saying she’s right... in fact I’ve told her the opposite but, well, I just thought you had a right to know.”

“Can I keep this?” Frank asked after a moment’s pause “Regardless of what Fliss says, I’m taking this to the police this time.” “By all means.” Bill said. “But they’ll want to speak to Fliss so…”

“Tough.” Frank shrugged. “Now he’s pulled Mary into it I’m not fucking about anymore Bill.”

Bill nodded and stood up, clapping him on the shoulder. “Don’t think too badly of her Frank. I know she’s fucked up but she did think she was doing the right thing. We do stupid things to protect the people we love, as you know only too well.” Frank looked up at him and then back down to the photo. Bill turned to leave before he stopped and looked back over his shoulder.

“By the way, she’ll be at the yard.” he said, locking eyes with Frank. “Probably for another hour or so if the last week has been anything to go by. Just in case you wanted a more detailed explanation straight from the horse’s mouth so to speak.”

And with that he left Frank at the bar. Frank once more glanced down at the photo, before he rubbed at his beard. Now he had his explanation, his head was a mess of thoughts. He was angry, so angry that she’d done this, that she’d kept this from him but despite all of that, despite the fury and resentment he was feeling he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of sympathy for her, that she’d tried to deal with all this on her own to keep him and Mary from having to.

“You fucking idiot Lissy…” he mumbled, before he shoved the photo back in the envelope and stood up, heading out to his truck.

**** Fliss was hanging Heidi’s bridle up in the tack room after a spontaneous ride around the fields when Thor gave a quick bark and shot out. Frowning, she headed to the door of the office, her eyes growing wide as she saw Frank striding purposely towards her, the setting sun illuminating his tall figure and the familiar envelope clutched in his hand.

Fuck…

“Care to explain this?” he waved it in the air as he reached the office threshold

“How did you…” “Your dad.” he said, thrusting it at her “He came to find me. Thought I had a right to know, and you know what…I’m kinda inclined to agree with him.”

“Frank…” “Were you ever gonna tell me?” he asked, tossing the envelope onto the desk “That he had made a threat towards Mary?” “I dealt with it.” she shook her head “There was no need to worry you.”

“You dealt with it?” he said, his voice was disbelieving “How? By ending things?” “Yes.” she nodded “Breaking it off with you…it was the best way of keeping you both safe.” “You are fucking unbelievable.” he shook his head “You ripped our lives from underneath us…”

“This hasn’t been easy on me either Frank!” she cut him off, angrily “Fuck, leaving you…it broke me. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before. You know, I’d rather take thousand beatings from John over that because…” she trailed off as Frank looked at her, her words sinking in as she shook her head and looked away “…because at least the physical pain would die down…”

“Don’t…” Frank shook his head, his voice cracking “Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth. I had to keep you safe.” she turned her head to face him, “Both of you…”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he pressed.

Fliss looked at him, her mouth opening before she shut it again and shook her head, her eyes dropping to the floor “I had to keep you safe…” “Keep us safe…that’s not answering my question.” She shook her head again. “Damnit Lissy, look at me.”

She raised her face to his, obediently.

“Why?” he pressed.

“I was frightened it might tip you over the edge…make you do something stupid.” she said, quietly.

“Stupid? Like what?” “Like go and hunt him down.” she swallowed.

“Seriously?”

“Yes!” she nodded. “You moved Mary over a thousand miles to keep her away from your own mother...”

“That is NOT the same…” Frank blazed at her

“And I was scared that if you saw this…you’d do something bad and then both of us would end up without you and…” “Fuck!”  Frank exploded, slamming his open palm down on the desk with a loud bang. Fliss immediately jumped back, her eyes wide with fright and Frank took a deep breath, as he realised he’d scared her. Besides him Thor gave a low rumble of a growl, and the large dog moved towards Fliss, turning his eyes on Frank. Fliss laid a hand on his head.

“Thor, shh…” she said softly, and he immediately stopped, but never once averted his gaze from Frank.

“Sorry, I…” Frank swallowed, concentrating on his breathing as he looked at her. “Why didn’t you just talk to me?” “I don’t know…I’m sorry.” she said, the tears pouring down her face “I just…”

“Have I ever given you reason to be scared of what I’d do or say or…” “No, of course not…” “So what the fuck makes you think I wouldn’t understand how upset and scared you were over this?”

“I don’t know.” she shrugged “I wasn’t thinking straight…” “You weren’t thinking at all…” Frank shook his head “I can’t believe you’ve been so goddamned stupid.”

“I’m sorry…” she looked at him, looking down “I know…I was an idiot and you’ve every right to be angry and hate me…” “I don’t hate you Liss.” he said softly “I fucking love you, more than I can even begin to explain.” At that she let out a loud sniff and wiped at her nose with her hand.

“And you know what the worst thing about all this is?” He spoke again and she looked at him, waiting for him to finish “Is that I know I’ll never be able to stop loving you.”

The words were out or his mouth before he could stop them. It was the truth, he couldn't ever see a point in his life where he would be able to switch those feelings off. Fliss' drew in a ragged breath and as he looked at her he saw something on her face which he recognised instantly, it was the same look she had worn when she told him she had found out John had been released, utter broken helplessness. She shook her head sadly and he could do nothing but watch, his own chest rising and falling deeply as she slid down to the floor, her knees buckling beneath her. Thor pushed his face into hers, gently nuzzling at her as she tangled her hands into his fur.

"I don’t deserve to be loved..." she said, shaking her head as her silent tears began to flow freely "not at that cost..."

Her words hit Frank like a tonne of bricks and he took a deep breath and shook his head.

“Don’t…” he stumbled over his words slightly as he took a step towards her “Don’t say that! Ever again you hear me?” he knelt in front of her as she hugged her knees tightly to her chest. Thor, eyeing Frank again moved back a little, clearly deciding the man posed no threat. Frank reached out and scratched his ear slightly before he gently placed his hands on Fliss’, prising them from around her knees gently, moving her arms so that her body opened up slightly to him “Fliss you are worthy of all the love in the world...why don’t you see it? Why are you pushing me away?” “I’m sorry… I’m… I…”

She fell into him, sobs wracking her small frame as she pressed her face into his chest, her hands moving from her knees, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. "Hey...sshhh..." he hushed her, one hand on the back of her head as he cradled her to him "it's ok…” He sat with her on the tiled floor of the office, no longer even bothering to fight his own tears as he pressed his face into her hair and kissed the top of her head as he rocked her gently whilst she cried. Eventually her sobs began to die down into soft cries, her body finally stopped shaking as the cries then subsided into sniffles but still she clung to him as if her life depended on it, simply concentrating on calming herself, allowing his familiar touch and smell to wash over her, ground her. Frank made to pull back slightly, but the moment caused Fliss to panic slightly and she made a grab for him. "No, please...don't go...don't..." "I'm not going anywhere..." he said quietly as he cupped her cheeks with both his hands, turning her face up to look at him. "You're a fucking idiot you know that?" She have a soft, watery splutter of a laugh as she nodded in agreement, his thumbs gently wiping her tears away. "But you're my idiot." He looked at her. "I don't deserve you..." she shook her head, averting her eyes from his "Frankie, I don't..." "Stop it." He said sternly, his grip on her face became a little stronger "Liss, look at me..." She swallowed and turned her big brown eyes to meet his, the hurt and pain evident on her pretty face. "I love you." He repeated his earlier statement and she took another deep, shaking breath. "I love you too..." she said, fresh tears rolling out of her eyes "Well then..." He looked at her, raising his eyebrows questioningly "the question is do you think that's enough to put this behind us?" "Do you want to?" She asked him, her voice almost a whisper. "Of course I do." Frank sniffed and smiled at her "I never wanted you to leave in the first place sweetheart." "What about Mary? She hates me..." Fliss shook her head "and I don’t blame her..." "No, she doesn't. She’s angry and lashing out. She tells me she hates me all the time, remember?" Frank smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind Fliss' ear "You might get the silent treatment for a day or so but well, some might call that a pleasant break." Fliss gave a snort of laughter before she finally let go of his shirt, reaching up with both hands to wipe at her face. "I bet I look a right state." She shook her head, looking down at her hands as the fingers on her left hand began to anxiously play with the ones on her right. "No more than usual." He quipped. "I still think you're beautiful." "Charmer." She said, her mouth curling up at one side into a glimmer of a smile, eyes still cast downwards. Frank reached out and gently took her chin between his finger and thumb, tilting her head upwards. She looked at him for a moment before he leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to her lips. A soft, lingering one, that was loaded with meaning as his hand once more rest against her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, her left hand coming up lay over his, her fingers sliding into the spaces between his own. He gently, pressed his forehead to hers, his own eyes closing as he slid his nose up against hers. "Take me home." she whispered to him and he could tell from her tone it was a question not a demand. He opened his eyes to see her looking at him with a hopeful expression that matched the tone of her voice "please." He smiled at her and nodded, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before he pushed himself up off the floor and offered her his hand. She took it, allowing him to pull her up on the floor and lacing his fingers between hers, he gently led them both towards the door. Once outside he paused to let her lock it before he gently slid his arm round her shoulders and she leaned into him as they walked towards his truck, Thor happily trotting behind them.

[roleplayfinder]

Seeking Literate Partners!

Disclaimer: Male authors, please stop contacting me. I've been burned too many times. If you persist, I'll ignore your message. Hello, you can call me Doe! I'm 25+ and a proud cat mom. I write multiple paragraphs/novella style (200-500+ words). I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. I understand if the scene doesn’t have alot going on and therefore requires less like rapid fire. I adore having long, thoughtful replies where we truly immerse ourselves in the world. I'm hoping to find a partner whose as enthusiastic and passionate about the plot and writing as I am. When I get invested in a story, it’s 100% dedication. Getting a reply is the highlight of my day. I'm a big fan of romance and using face claims. I’m the type to make pinterest boards, spam you with gifs, headcanons, and send you songs that remind me of our characters and/or ship. I'll get excited if we come up with future plot ideas, or if our characters are being cute or angsty and I can yell about it in the chat. Last but not least I only do MxF (with myself in the female role) and don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along. I'd highly prefer female authors writing male characters. Searching For - 21+ partners (Since people have asked, it's fine if you're 20) - For you to have an excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. Both in character and out of character. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies or those who have English as their second/third language). - Plot before smut. While mature themes will be in my plots, and are even encouraged, there needs to be chemistry between our characters. I like to have a good mix of plot and tastefully written smut, along with doses of angst and fluff. - For you to write as an older man (firmly 40s+/50s+). I'm a sucker for the gruff and tough men with dark pasts who secretly have a soft heart. I also love those grumpy, hypermasculine men being intimidated by soft yet commanding women. If you're uncomfortable writing large age gaps please don't bother contacting me. The youngest I'll go is early 20s for my girls. - Please be enthusiastic and invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Tossing ideas back and forth, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. - Joining me in the wonderful world of ship/character development is kind of a must. It’s one of the things that makes writing with a partner so much fun. I also like to make friends with my partners! - While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. I draw the line at anime/cartoon art. Faces I'd love to write as: gal gadot, rooney mara, ruth negga, saoirse ronan, sophie turner, jessica chastain, jennifer morrison, mia wasikowska, natalia dyer, brit marling, deborah ann woll, mackenzie davis, emmy rossum, adria adjora, chyler leigh, hayley bennet, tashi rodriguez, lily james, cara delevingne, maya hawke, katheryn winnick, elizabeth olsen, abigal cowen, sophia lillis lauren cohan, zoey deutsch, paulina singer, crystal reed, hayley lu richardson, ask about others Faces I'd love to write against: jeffery dean morgan, hugh jackman, robert taylor, jr bourne, jon bernthal, jason issacs, anthony varrecchiah, brett tucker, david harbour, frank grillo, iain glen, josh duhamel, patrick petitjean, ethan hawke, christian bale, rory mccann, younger sam elliot, titus welliver, viggo mortensen, joel miller (illustrated face), cillian murphy, ask about others If you've made it this far, thank you! You won't be disappointed in writing with me. I tend to be online daily and while I'd like it if you were too, I understand that real life things comes first. Let me know if you're going to

be inactive/can’t continue. If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging continued interest spaced a week apart. Below are genres and pairings I love. Feel free to combine as many as you'd like and I’m sure we can come up with something great! Current cravings are in bold. Two thing I don't do are slice of life and historical plots. Genres: - crimes in remote locations - spooky small towns - post apocalyptic/dystopia - supernatural/modern fantasy (A/B/O, werewolves, shapeshifters, werewolf x shifter, alpha x new werewolf, involuntary mate-bond, mating/claiming) - southern/mid western gothic - murder mystery (small town or big city) - modern/dark fairy tale retellings - sci-fi - cyberpunk/retro-futuristic - little coastal towns or little towns in the mountains - emotionally charged/dark and gritty - superpowers/gifted - unresolved sexual tension/slow burn - redemption - pacific northwest - suburban gothic - luring to the other side - reincarnation/multiple universes - western inspired + modern day (such as longmire) - christmas inspired - culture clash/two characters from different sides Pairings: - age gaps (older man x younger woman / 15 to 25+ year gap) - enemies to lovers/villain x heroine - cop x criminal - doctor x patient - friends turned lovers/pining - grumpy x sunshine - the broken man x the woman that becomes his light - fbi agents/cop partners - dark hearted man melting for the innocent woman - friend x best friend’s older sibling - boss x employee - neighbors - single father x friend - firefighter/cop x victim - mentor x mentee - hurt/comfort - height differences - pet names (sweetheart, baby girl, kid, kiddo) - lady and the tramp esque/class difference - creature x human/creature - ex-con x anyone - bodyguard x assignment - widow/er falling in love again - biker x civilian - rancher/mountain man x city girl - affair (with so's sibling, with so's friend, with neighbor) - hitman x target - serial killer x fbi agent - soul mates - experienced x inexperienced - local x vacationer - injured/scarred warrior washed out from their former glory x royal/heir-to-be (modern day / Sansa x Sandor inspired) - friend x best friend/boyfriend's father - daughter in law x father in law - park ranger x camper - bounty hunter x bounty - power imbalances Tropes/Themes: the papa wolf/hot dads, cultured badass, jerk with a heart of gold. ladykiller in love, mountain man, mysterious protector, southern gentleman, tall, dark, and handsome, knight in sour armor, red string of fate, villain takes an interest, porcelain to ivory to steel, when person a gets injured/kidnapped and person b goes absolutely feral to save them, cowboys tiny women and big men, the monster being treated gently for the first time in his life, two characters forced into positions where they have no choice but to reconcile their differences and grow together/trust each other, forbidden relationships, trying to escape childhood demons & reuniting in adulthood Fandoms: (I don't write canons or do canon x oc) Star Wars, X Files, Haven, Fringe, Stranger Things, Heroes, The Wolf Among Us, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, Marvel, The OA, Disney personified, Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us, Cyberpunk 2077 Plot Ideas: I have too many to list here but take a look at my google doc and let me know if anything catches your attention. It's a mix of fandom inspired and original plots: Plot Ideas Last but not least, I have a list of kinks if anyone's interested. I use email and discord to write. I'd also be open to joining a jcink site! Contact me at Doe#3347 on discord or by email: doeeyes73@gmail.com Please be detailed when you message me, let me know why you chose to contact me. Seeing only "hey do you wanna rp?" is a guaranteed way to turn me off. Look forward to hearing from you!

[yourcoffindoor]

A Spike in My Heart: Part 2

Pairing: Vampire!Gerard Way x Reader

Prompt: Request from Anons- “ Hey sweetie I love your work so much ❤️ Can you please write pt 2 of vampire Gerard? Something where reader wakes up, angst and fluff? “  and “ VAMPIRE GERARD PART 2 WOULD BE SO NEAT AAAAAA “ (lol <3)

AN: As always, hope my story does the job. Enjoy!

Everything was black. Voices washed over you like gentle waves in a calm ocean, and among them was a familiar male voice that you couldn't yet identify, but somehow understood he was speaking to you. 

Don't leave me, it said. Don't leave me, over and over, and you cut through the darkness looking for the source of the voice so you could tell him you never would. You're right here, why can't he find you and take you where there's light?

You weren't sure now if you were asleep or dead, dreaming or in purgatory. At times you could feel icy hands on your forehead or resting for a moment on your cheek. You seemed to drift in and out of consciousness, sometimes hearing those around you, before falling back into nothingness.

If this was sleep, you often dreamed of Gerard. The setting was always the same-- You were attending some sort of formal function, both of you dressed to the nines. You always were taken aback by how handsome he was in his suit, and you told him so, certain he would blush if it were possible for a vampire to do so.

He would pull out a slim box and offer it to you. 

"A present." he informed you shyly. Inside was a stunning garnet necklace far more extravagant than anything you had ever owned before. The crimson gems were cut in a teardrop shape and gleamed as they caught the light from seemingly every angle.

He offered to put it on for you, and you eagerly agreed. His hands moved slow as they brushed the hair from the back of your neck as if savoring the sensation. It took a moment to secure the clasp, and you thanked him when he had accomplished his mission before asking how it looked on you.

The dream always ended the same. Gerard stepped in front to get a look at you, and his expression quickly changed from admiration to horror, tears welling in his hazel eyes.

"What is it?"

"I'm so sorry!" he would say repeatedly. "Y/N, please, I'm so sorry!"

Confused, you looked down and saw a trickle of familiar deep red run down your chest. You turned to find a mirror and screamed as you saw your reflection. They necklace was gone, replaced by a ring of bite marks and steady streams of blood.

It was from this dream that you finally jolted awake, finding yourself tucked neatly in your bed. You looked around to find no one, but noticed a chair had been brought to the side of the bed, a sign that someone had been caring for you.

 You heard movement just outside your bedroom door and listened as a muffled argument carried on. 

"You should have never starved yourself to that point." an unknown male voice hissed. "It's fucking dangerous, Gerard."

"I realize that," he lamented bitterly, and you longed to reach for him and to tell him it was ok.

"You need to come to terms with what you are. It's not going to change." 

Gerard's voice was low, defeated. "And how do you suggest I do that Frank? I feel like a parasite."

"Y/N doesn't think so."

"And look what I did to her!" His voice rose, filled with anger instead of self pity. "Look what happens to people I love when I'm honest about what I am!"

Frank was silent for a moment. "You love her? Have you told her?"

"No," Gerard replied, voice grim, "and now I might not get the chance."

You felt a warm flush bloom on your pallid cheeks upon hearing Gerard confess his feelings. You noticed that there was a glass of water left on your bedside table by your caretaker, and you reached for it in hopes of calming yourself down. Instead your shaky hand sent the glass tumbling to the floor, silencing the discussion outside your door with a loud splash and shatter.

The bedroom door opened immediately and Gerard rushed in, planting himself by your side. He reached  his hand towards you instinctively, but quickly drew it back, as though he was afraid he would do more harm than good.

"Y/N," his eyes were filled with relief, "I'm...I'm so glad you're awake."

You instead reached towards him, clasping his hand in yours. "Thanks for looking after me. How long has it been?"

"Almost two days," came a voice from the doorway. You looked over to find a man leaning against the door frame, arms folded. "See, I told you Y/N would be fine." He gloated to Gerard before turning his attention back to you.  "I could hear your heartbeat from the front door. Kept telling Gee you weren't a goner."

Gerard looked mortified, much to your amusement.

"Thanks for your input, uh... sorry who are you?"

"Name's Frank. Gerard's band-mate, fellow bloodsucker. Hope you don't mind my being here. Gerard called me over for help."

You smiled softly. "Not at all." 

Gerard cleared his throat, glaring at Frank who stood smirking in the doorway.

"Guess I should give you guys some privacy," he said, turning to leave, but quickly stopped in his tracks. "Oh yeah, are you gonna tell her what you told me?"

"Jesus Frank, she just woke up!"

Frank shrugged. "You're right. Give her a good five minutes to breathe before you tell her you're in love with her."

"Frank!"

Frank laughed to himself, closing the door behind him.

It was quiet for a moment, but the silence was heavy with words that were aching to be said. Gerard fidgeted with his fingers, trying to prevent them from reaching for you again. 

After a moment, he suddenly stood up. "I should get you a new glass of water, you must be thirsty."

"That can wait," you insisted, grabbing the edge of his shirt before he could disappear, "Stay with me."

Slowly he returned to his watch post beside the bed. You decided to break the ice.

"I'm not mad. I'm not scared. And I'm feeling better by the second. You don't need to be worried."

"Easier said than done I'm afraid," he forced a soft laugh, his crooked smile expressing more sadness than he intended.

"Were you sitting there this whole time?"

"How could I be anywhere else? I had to make sure you were going to be ok. You seemed to be having some intense dreams, you were tossing and turning."

You decided against burdening him with the details of your nightmare. "Doesn't matter now that I'm awake. Besides, I don't even remember what they were about."

Gerard tucked a strand of unkempt black hair behind his ear. "Well, anyway, at one point I felt your forehead and it seemed warm--well warmer than usual to me--and I was worried you were getting a fever, so I called Frank over here for help. He's good in situations like these. I mean, not that I've been in this situation before...I was so worried, Y/N. But he kept telling me you were fine, that I definitely did overdo it but you also probably just had a bad reaction--"

You cut off Gerard’s awkward rambling with a tight embrace, catching him off guard. His body was tense, but soon melted into your touch.

"Thank you," you murmured, your head on his shoulder.

"I don't know if thanks are necessary...since I caused the problem." he mused softly. "Y/N, you don't deserve to be dragged into a life like this."

"Gerard, is it true? What Frank said?"

His eyes widened. "Huh?"

"He said you're in love with me. In fact, I may have heard you say it myself just outside the door there."

Gerard nervously tousled his hair with one hand, as if he were hoping to find the right answer within it.

"Its true. I know its a lot to process and...we only just went over the whole vampire thing...you don't need to feel obligated or anything. But Y/N, I've never felt they way I feel about you before. Not for anyone or anything. I thought I couldn't have normal things like a relationship...but being with you makes me feel like there's a chance for happiness."

He had looked away in the course of stumbling through his off-the-cuff confession, gazing instead at the floor. His nervous, awkward affection only served to endear him to you further.

"Then listen. I told you before, I don't care what you are. I love you. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I want you to know that I'm in this with you now. And if you let me in, we can figure it all out. Together."

He turned to look at you, eyes warm with affection. "I'll never let it get out of hand again. I promise. There'll be no repeat of this."

"There is one part I'd like a repeat of."

"Oh?"

You hoisted yourself up on the bed and leaned in towards Gerard, gently planting your lips on his, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. You lingered there for a moment, savoring the kiss and the rush of endorphins that came with it.

"Feel free to let that get out of hand as often as possible."

Gerard grinned, and lay down next to you in the bed. You spent the next moments holding each other in silence, knowing that you had eternity to figure out whatever came next.

taglist: @honimello​

[dreamwritesimagines]

Once A Year 16- Unexpected [Billy Russo x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your patience my loves! Here’s the finale! <3 Your messages make my day, please keep them coming! <3

Summary: Sometimes, fairytales end differently.

Characters: Billy Russo x Reader, Frank Castle x Karen Page

Warning: Explicit language, abuse, violence, dysfunctional relationships, cheating, murder. As usual, I don’t condone any of the messed up stuff happening on the show or in this story.

Word Count: 2862

Due to the linking issue, the previous chapters are on my masterlist<3

You really hated funerals.

Except for this one. This one, somehow, gave you a rush of relief. He was gone, locked away in a coffin, never to leave, never to find you ever again.

“Aldrich Killian was a successful businessman.” The priest said “But more than that, he was compassionate.”

Right. Keep talking about shit you don’t know, buddy.

You kept your eyes on the coffin, barely paying attention to the speech, or the way Carter looked almost frozen, blinking so hard as if trying not to cry.

Closed casket funeral.

Happens when you leave a corpse for almost a month.

Fits you, asshole, you thought, And hey, who could’ve thought those crime shows were right, huh? The killer always attends the funeral.

“He was taken from us by a cruel twist of fate,” the priest said and you tried to keep your expression stable.

Not exactly true, is it Aldrich? I took your life. I ended you. I made you suffer, just like I promised myself back then.

And there’s nothing you can do about it.

Your phone buzzed in your purse but you ignored it, still staring at the coffin.

“In times like these, it may be hard not to lose faith.” he said, “But we all know that those who were responsible for it will face justice.

It had been almost too easy to frame Billy’s ex boss Rawlins. Now it wasn’t only Billy and Frank but also the police were looking for him, and you were almost proud of yourself for coming up with that idea. Two birds with one stone.

Or better yet, two bodies with one bullet.

Ah well.

Carter took a shaky breath beside you, and you stole a look at him, then squeezed his arm in a supporting manner.

“And it is important to keep in mind that Aldrich Carter will be remembered.”

No he won’t be. I made sure of that.

Finally, they started to lower the casket into the grave and you pursed your lips to make sure you weren’t smiling, and soon enough, people started to go back to their cars. You checked your phone, then looked up at Carter.

“Hey,”

“Thank you for coming,” he muttered, “I know it must’ve been hard for you.”

You smiled slightly, “I’m here for you Carter, not him.”

Liar liar…

“To think that the last thing I told him was….” Carter trailed off, then shook his head, “Anyway. I know he was a terrible person, his death doesn’t change or excuse what he did to you.”

You shrugged slightly, then started walking beside him slowly.

“So um- how have you been?”

“I’m good,” you nodded, “I’ve been pretty busy lately.”

“Yeah, I heard you sold the gallery.” Carter said “I thought you liked that place.”

“I did. I do. It’s just-“ you heaved a sigh, “I think a clean slate will be good for me.”

“So what will you do now?”

“Early retirement.” You joked, making him smile, “I don’t know. I’m going away for a while actually. I’m- I think I’ll make a home for myself somewhere.”

“I thought New York was home for you.”

“I don’t really think home is an actual place for me anymore.”

He hmmed, “Billy then?” he asked, “I assume he’s coming with you?”

You nodded again as you reached your car, “Yeah. He is.”

Carter thought for a moment, “Are you happy, Y/N?”

You didn’t even stop to think, your answer was natural and for the first time in your life, sincere.

“Yeah,” you said, “I am. Weird, huh?”

Carter tried to smile, “Nah not weird, just good.”

“And you?”

“Ah, you know,” Carter shrugged, “I’m just…trying to be.”

“Carter,” you told him, “I need you to listen to me. You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever met. Don’t let what happened with me keep you back, okay?” you cleared your throat, “It was selfish of me to drag you into that. None of it was your fault, and I betrayed your love and your trust. Don’t let me change you. Please, please don’t make me turn you into….me.”

He thought for a moment, then shot you a mischievous look, “You turned out just fine,” he said, then pulled you closer to hug you tight, and you patted his back before you pulled back.

“I’ll see you around Y/N.”

No you won’t.

“See you around, Charming.” You said softly, then got into your car and drove away.

                                               * * *

The road to airport was almost peaceful. You checked your wristwatch, then looked around and made your way to the café Billy had told you they were in.

“Hey babe,” Billy stood up to peck you on the lips and you winked at him, then sat down next to Karen who sat across Frank and Curtis drummed his fingernails on the table.

“Hey guys.”

“Today is just sad,” Karen mumbled, resting her chin on her fist and you grinned,

“Nah, it’s okay. You guys are among the very few people who will have my new number, it’s not like we will lose contact.”

“It’s beyond me how you’re willing to move away with this asshole.” Frank pointed at Billy, who punched at his arm,

“Don’t make her see sense until it’s too late, brother.”

“I know right? It surprised me too.” You grinned at Billy who shook his head slightly, “Anyways, you guys are totally invited.”

“I’ve never been to Tahiti,” Karen wondered out loud and Curtis nodded,

“Me neither.”

“See? One more reason to visit.”

“I mean I could use a vacation,” Frank stated and you motioned between them,

“There you go,” you said and turned to Curtis, “You too, you know? I can’t handle him alone, I need help.” 

“I know, I know...”

You checked your watch, “Bill.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s almost time.” He downed his coffee, then stood up, Frank and Curtis following him suit. You turned to Karen.

“Plane tickets on me.” You smiled before you pulled her into a hug, and she chuckled in your grip.

“Deal.”

“Don’t be a stranger, yeah?” Frank said as soon as you pulled back and cocked his head in Billy’s direction “Keep my boy out of danger, he’s an idiot.”

You let out a small laugh and nodded after hugging Curtis, “Don’t upset blondie over there and we have a deal. Oh, speaking of-“ you reached into your bag, “Karen?”

“Hm?”

“Catch.” You tossed her your car keys and she caught them mid-air, then shot you a quizzical look.

“What-?”

“I’ll mail you the papers when I land, consider it my thanks for putting up with my bullshit,” you clicked your tongue, “I may or may not have checked you out while Frank wasn’t looking too.”

“Hey!”

“She’s hot man, and I’m a sucker for pencil skirts!” You defended yourself and Karen gawked at you,

“Y/N, you can’t just give me your car-“

“Yeah I can, I’m rich.” You said, making Billy chuckle and shake his head fondly, “Take care, okay?”  

Billy threw a hand over your shoulder, then pulled you closer as you started walking to the private hangar. You entwined your fingers with his and he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“You okay?” he asked, “The funeral….?”

“Yeah,” you said as you heaved a sigh, “I just- um… I don’t feel guilty. Is that normal?”

“Our normal.” Billy said, “Others are expendable, remember?”

You nodded slowly as your phone buzzed in your hand, making you stop walking and you checked the screen.

Dad

You hesitated for a moment, then declined the call and put it back into your bag.

“Skittles?”

You let out a breath, then shook your head,

“Just-“ you swallowed thickly, looking around, “I never want to come back to….this. Any of this. Promise me I won’t have to.”

He seemed to understand what you meant, because he pulled you closer, his hands cradling your head before he kissed you.

“Never.” He whispered, “Let’s go home.”

                               *A MONTH LATER*

You were one hundred percent positive that you would never get tired of Tahiti. The scent of the ocean, the fresh air, the faint sound of waves hitting the shore as you dangled your legs over the wooden porch railing you were sitting on, eyes closed, with a warm cup of coffee in your hands.

This was what happiness felt like.

This was what home felt like.

It almost felt surreal.

Your eyes opened as a pair of arms wrapped around your waist and you smiled softly, looking up so that Billy could press a kiss on your forehead.

“Morning.”

“Hey,” his voice was raspy, still laced with sleep, “Why aren’t you in bed? It’s early.”

“I like watching the sunrise.” You said, “It’s… calm.”

“Well, I had a less calm activity in mind when I woke up.” He mumbled into your shoulder, making you giggle.

“Oh is that so?”  

“Mm hm,” he kissed your shoulder as you ran your fingers through his hair, which was longer than before. He let out a noise of content, making you smile.

“I still think I will wake up someday.” He mumbled and you frowned, then swung your legs over the railing and turned around so that you could face him.

“Hm?”

“This…everything.” Billy ran his fingertips down your bare arms, waking goosebumps. “All of this. It feels too good to be true.”

You shook your head, “Bill, it’s not a dream.” You said softly, “It’s our happy ending.”

“Guys like me don’t get happy endings, Skits.”

“Girls like me do.” You shrugged, “You got lucky Russo. Deal with it.”

He chuckled, “Sometimes before I fall asleep I think I will wake up next morning and…not find you there.”

“Hey,” you cupped his cheek so that his dark eyes would find yours, “Never going to happen. You’ve been stuck with me ever since I stole your candy, remember? Sorry to let you know, it’s the rest of your life.”

Billy nodded, as if trying to convince himself and keep the bad thoughts at bay, “It is, right?”

“I mean,” you trailed off playfully, “Not like I have a vintage marquise diamond rose gold band ring, which you could find downtown on the fifth street right across that restaurant we ate last night.”

That finally made him chuckle, “You would think you didn’t reject me when I asked you to marry me.”

“Um, you didn’t ask me to marry you dickhead, you said and I quote, You know I will marry you right? Which in all honesty is a terrible-“

“I also asked you on our first night here.”

“Okay, pillow talk proposals don’t count, everyone knows orgasms mess up with your mind- also to repeat, no ring Russo. Beyoncé taught me better.”

He nodded solemnly, “Third time is the charm.”

You couldn’t control your expression anymore so you burst into a laughter, shoving him slightly, “So, what did you have in mind again, when you woke up?”

He grinned at you, then lifted you up bridal style, making you let out a squeal and carried you back inside, both of you laughing like crazy.

                                          * * *

Time just flew by when you were happy.

It was so strange, normally –especially when you were in New York- every single thing you were going to do was planned, and each and every hour until you went to bed you had something. But now, it was as if you were free.

Now to think of it, you were.

“Okay, keep your eyes closed,” you said, still walking him until you reached the door of the empty shop. You had just finished dinner at a local restaurant, and you had basically dragged him outside afterwards, your heart beating in your ears. You unlocked the door, switched the lights on and turned to him, “Ta daa!”

Billy opened his eyes, then looked around before he turned to you with a quizzical look in his eyes.

“An empty shop?”

“My new gallery!” you couldn’t help to rock back and forth on the balls of your feet like an excited child, “I bought it!”

“Wait, really?” Billy raised his brows, “It’s uh… cozy.”

“I know, it’s smaller than the last one, but hear me out,” you licked your lips, “So I was walking downtown the other day, and it just occurred to me, what if I get this gallery to…to support the local artists? I made some research, and um- before, it was all about like general profit, and how much it’d push me up, and my bank account, that’s why I kept dealing with all those pretentious assholes, but now I don’t have to. I can actually use it to help people, and to support art, and- isn’t it amazing?” you finished, your voice going a pitch higher and that seemed to make Billy smile and nod.

“Wow, look at you babe.”

“I already talked to some street artists, and I think- Billy, it’s going to change their lives. I will be a part of that, I can make a difference here!”

Billy’s smile widened and he pulled you by the hand to get you closer before he tilted your chin up to kiss your lips.

“What do you think?” you asked, “Be honest. Brutally honest.”

“I think it’s a pretty good idea.”

“You’re not just saying that to get laid tonight?”

“You and I both know I’m getting laid tonight regardless.” He stated, making you giggle and steal a kiss, “But no, Skits it’s a really good idea.”

“And it won’t be as heavy as before, I can make my own rules here.”

“Mm hm. Once a boss, always a boss.”

“Yeah, keep that in mind buddy.” You grinned and let out a breath, “I’m excited!”

“I can see that,” Billy smacked your butt, making your jaw drop and shove him slightly,

“It’s a place of business, Russo!” You exclaimed as he chuckled and you pulled him by the hand outside, then locked the door.

You couldn’t stop talking about your new project all the way home. You had never even thought you could actually use your degree to help artists, it was all about money before, as your parents had drilled into your head, but now it was like a new horizon for you. You felt so energetic, so awake, and contrary to New York, you weren’t going to work to death.

It was just going to be perfect.

“So then I talked to him, and he says he had never even thought about being paid for his art which is insane, like I think he can get to places if he has a little push, and the gallery is close to the beach, so more tourists when you think about it.” You said as Billy pulled over in front of the house, then turned to you.

“You’re actually glowing, you know that?” he asked you with a fond smile, “Jesus, you’re even prettier when you’re happy.”

“I’m going to change lives!”

“Not a first for you Skits, you changed mine.”

You awwed, then leaned in to kiss him, “Come on, let’s get inside.”

“You go ahead babe, I’ll be there in five,” he pulled out his phone “I gotta call Frank, he said there was something he needed to talk to me.”

“Oh?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” he said and you nodded.

“Well, I’ll go inside and hop into the shower, and you’re welcome to join.”

Billy grinned, “I’ll be there in two minutes, I’m sure Frank can talk fast when he wants to.”

“That’s brotherhood for you,” you scoffed a laugh, then pecked him on the lips, “I love you. Don’t be late.”

You pushed open the car door, then went to unlock the front door and got inside. Humming a song, you made your way to the living room, switched the lights on and gasped, the fear hitting you with its full force.

Rawlins. Billy’s former boss, the man whom you heard was referred as dangerous and psycho by both Billy and Frank was standing right in front of your living room, pointing a gun at you.

“Hi.” He tilted his head, “Y/N, right? Russo’s girl?”

You could feel the whole room spinning, the panic making your mind work in full force. Your phone was in your bag, there was no way you could reach the door before a bullet hit you, and-

Billy was outside.

Oh God, he was outside.

“What do you want?”

He shot you a look, “You’re pretty,” he commented, “I can see why he wanted to settle down with you. But you see, framing me for a murder you committed made my life pretty difficult.”

“I-“

He tsk tsked, “And Russo…. Well. I’d say he’s had enough of this peace don’t you think? Working with Castle behind my back, and then pulling this shit? That’s not gonna fly. Maybe seeing your brains on the wall will make him remember that there are some lines he shouldn’t cross.”

Your heart was beating so fast that you thought it resonated through the room, as you heard footsteps and the front door opening,

“Skittles?” Billy called out and you opened your mouth to scream, to tell him to run away, to do anything- but before you could take a breath, Rawlins raised the gun and pulled the trigger.

There was a loud noise, louder than your heart.

Then, darkness.

                                    The End.

     Special thanks to: @theskytraveler @iblogabout-stuff @marauderskeeper  @asongofmarvelanddc @mellxander1993 @papercloudx @noisyinfluencerstrawberry @superwolfchild-fan  @anxietysucks @finnickfoxes @luminex3 @rhabakoli @fictionalthrill  @redrxbel  @maelloute @we-are-all-wild-things @evilturtlemonkey @xinyourdreamsx @demoncrypt1066 @go-crybaby @i-am-always-famished @delicatelilyflower  @mamaraptor  @rmwest9 @writeyourmindaway  @becs-bunker @bubbleself @flaboyance @binbonsadoration @propertyofpoeandbucky @alwaysadreamingoptimist  @lisa-stilinski @denimandcabernet @tofadavidson @seriouslynogood @mixed-imagination @broken-pieces @lettersofwrittencollective @binbons-is-theloml @thinemineours @cutie-bug  @random-quartz  @malik-payne @gollyderek @ariminiria @lucielandss @tofadavidson and lovely anons! <3 You’re awesome! 

[fyrapartnersearch]

Seeking Literate Partners!

Disclaimer: Male authors, please stop contacting me. I've been burned too many times. If you persist, I'll ignore your message. Hello, you can call me Doe! I'm 25+ and a proud cat mom. I write multiple paragraphs/novella style (200-500+ words). I love to write detailed descriptions and delve into a character’s head/emotions as well as surroundings. I compare it to writing a novel together. I understand if the scene doesn’t have alot going on and therefore requires less like rapid fire. I adore having long, thoughtful replies where we truly immerse ourselves in the world. I'm hoping to find a partner whose as enthusiastic and passionate about the plot and writing as I am. When I get invested in a story, it’s 100% dedication. Getting a reply is the highlight of my day. I'm a big fan of romance and using face claims. I’m the type to make pinterest boards, spam you with gifs, headcanons, and send you songs that remind me of our characters and/or ship. I'll get excited if we come up with future plot ideas, or if our characters are being cute or angsty and I can yell about it in the chat. Last but not least I only do MxF (with myself in the female role) and don’t double, but I’m more than happy to write side characters of either gender to help move the story along. I'd highly prefer female authors writing male characters. Searching For - 21+ partners - For you to have an excellent grasp of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. Both in character and out of character. (Literate to advanced writers only, please. I'm not looking for newbies or those who have English as their second/third language). - Plot before smut. While mature themes will be in my plots, and are even encouraged, there needs to be chemistry between our characters. I like to have a good mix of plot and tastefully written smut, along with doses of angst and fluff. - For you to write as an older man (40s+/50s+). I'm a sucker for the gruff and tough men with dark pasts who secretly have a soft heart. I also love those grumpy, hypermasculine men being intimidated by soft yet commanding women. The youngest I write is early 20s. - Please be enthusiastic and invested when it comes to plotting/worldbuilding. There’s nothing worse than receiving one sentence in reply to two paragraphs of ideas, or having a doormat partner who says “sure” to whatever I ask. Tossing ideas back and forth, watching them snowball into amazing plot threads brings me joy. - Joining me in the wonderful world of ship/character development is kind of a must. It’s one of the things that makes writing with a partner so much fun. I also like to make friends with my partners! - While I'd prefer real life face claims, I'd also be open to using realistic art if you're uncomfortable with real life. I draw the line at anime/cartoon art. Faces I'd love to write as: gal gadot, rooney mara, ruth negga, saoirse ronan, sophie turner, jessica chastain, jennifer morrison, mia wasikowska, natalia dyer, brit marling, deborah ann woll, mackenzie davis, emmy rossum, adria adjora, chyler leigh, hayley bennet, tashi rodriguez, lily james, cara delevingne, maya hawke, katheryn winnick, elizabeth olsen, abigal cowen, sophia lillis lauren cohan, zoey deutsch, paulina singer, crystal reed, hayley lu richardson, ask about others Faces I'd love to write against: jeffery dean morgan, hugh jackman, robert taylor, jr bourne, jon bernthal, jason issacs, anthony varrecchiah, brett tucker, david harbour, frank grillo, iain glen, josh duhamel, patrick petitjean, ethan hawke, christian bale, rory mccann, younger sam elliot, titus welliver, viggo mortensen, joel miller (illustrated face), ask about others If you've made it this far, thank you! You won't be disappointed in writing with me. I tend to be online daily and while I'd like it if you were too, I understand that real life things comes first. Let me know if you're going to be inactive/can’t continue. If you suddenly stop replying ic and ooc, I'll drop the story after 2 attempts of gauging continued interest spaced a week apart. Below are

genres and pairings I love. Feel free to combine as many as you'd like and I’m sure we can come up with something great! Current cravings are in bold. Two thing I don't do are slice of life and historical plots. Genres: - crimes in remote locations - spooky small towns - post apocalyptic/dystopia - supernatural/modern fantasy (A/B/O, werewolves, shapeshifters, alpha x rival pack alpha's child, werewolf x shifter, alpha x new werewolf, involuntary mate-bond, mating/claiming) - southern/mid western gothic - murder mystery (small town or big city) - modern/dark fairy tale retellings - sci-fi - cyberpunk/retro-futuristic - little coastal towns or little towns in the mountains - emotionally charged/dark and gritty - superpowers/gifted - unresolved sexual tension/slow burn - redemption - pacific northwest - suburban gothic - luring to the other side - reincarnation/multiple universes - western inspired + modern day (such as longmire) - christmas inspired - culture clash/two characters from different sides Pairings: - age gaps (older man x younger woman / 15 to 25+ year gap) - enemies to lovers/villain x heroine - cop x criminal - doctor x patient - friends turned lovers/pining - grumpy x sunshine - the broken man x the woman that becomes his light - fbi agents/cop partners - dark hearted man melting for the innocent woman - friend x best friend’s older sibling - boss x employee - neighbors - single father x friend - firefighter/cop x victim - mentor x mentee - hurt/comfort - height differences - pet names (sweetheart, baby girl, kid, kiddo) - lady and the tramp esque/class difference - creature x human/creature - ex-con x anyone - bodyguard x assignment - widow/er falling in love again - biker x civilian - rancher/mountain man x city girl - affair (with so's sibling, with so's friend, with neighbor) - hitman x target - serial killer x fbi agent - soul mates - experienced x inexperienced - local x vacationer - injured/scarred warrior washed out from their former glory x royal/heir-to-be (modern day / Sansa x Sandor inspired) - friend x best friend/boyfriend's father - daughter in law x father in law - park ranger x camper - bounty hunter x bounty - power imbalances Tropes/Themes: the papa wolf/hot dads, cultured badass, jerk with a heart of gold. ladykiller in love, mountain man, mysterious protector, southern gentleman, tall, dark, and handsome, knight in sour armor, red string of fate, villain takes an interest, porcelain to ivory to steel, when person a gets injured/kidnapped and person b goes absolutely feral to save them, cowboys tiny women and big men, the monster being treated gently for the first time in his life, two characters forced into positions where they have no choice but to reconcile their differences and grow together/trust each other, forbidden relationships, trying to escape childhood demons & reuniting in adulthood Fandoms: (I don't write canons or do canon x oc) Star Wars, X Files, Haven, Fringe, Stranger Things, Heroes, The Wolf Among Us, Mercy Thompson Series, True Blood, Marvel, The OA, Disney personified, His Dark Materials, Beastars, Horizon Zero Dawn, The Last of Us, Cyberpunk 2077 Plot Ideas: I have too many to list here but take a look at my google doc and let me know if anything catches your attention. It's a mix of fandom inspired and original plots: Plot Ideas Last but not least, I have a list of kinks if anyone's interested. I use email and discord to write. I'd also be open to joining a jcink site! Contact me at Doe#3347 on discord or by email: doeeyes73@gmail.com Please be detailed when you message me, let me know why you chose to contact me. Seeing only "hey do you wanna rp?" is a guaranteed way to turn me off. Look forward to hearing from you!

[hatsampixie]

Spy vs Spy: Curse of the Were-Pyre, part 1

Warning, this story contains violence and blood!

"Okay, A.B, tonight's the 're-live-da-prom' party at the HQ, I know I sound like someone's mom for sayin' this, but you better be on your best behavior." Said Frank, the one living in the apartment room next door to Agent Black. (The Black Spy) "Don't worry Frank, I'll make sure he gets to the HQ, okay? I didn't have combat training for nothin'." Agent Gray said, with a reassuring look. As they were about to leave, Frank spoke up again "Oh, I forgot.. Small warning: As you’re going to the HQ, don't be late, and most importantly, don't walk home alone, there's a lot of sinister characters at this time of night.." Agent Black nodded as he and Agent Gray began to walk towards the tall gray building in the distance that would be the S.P.Y Headquarters. (Secretly Protecting You, yeah, they're still working on the acronym.) "See ya, Frank!"

"Okay, A.B, hopefully there's more girls there, 'cause I heard they weren't going this year. But again, I still really hope I'm not the only girl." Gray said as the elevator they were in slowly made it's way to the 12th floor, Black sighed. "To be fair, I hope you're not the only girl either, 'cuz you're my partner, and-" Before Black could finish, Gray elbowed him slightly, a cue for him to shut up. "..Let's just go inside and have a good time." A ding was heard, and the elevator door opened as they were now on the 12th floor, they opened and went through the door to the HQ..

The entire HQ was decorated with multi-colored lights, balloons, and even a DJ booth, which was flooding the room with the sound of 8-bit midi music. You don't get to see that every day in the HQ, especially since the color theme was mostly monochrome. "Oh my goodness.. This is awsoome!" Black said, his eyes widening with delight. A person wearing an over-saturated shirt turned towards the two agents and grinned, it was Agent Bruce, who had finally got the chance to dress in actual colors. "Oh man, Black! This party is off the hook! so many people have turned up! Yeeeaaah!" He said in his excitement, busting some moves as he did so, (including some Michael Jackson and PSY dance moves XD) Another person suddenly popped up, once again, dressed in bright colors, this time in the form of a wide-brimmed hat and overcoat, it was a little too much for Black and Gray to see. "Yee-haa! Hey guys, how's it goin?" the fellow said, "Looks like there's LOADS of people that have turned up!" He kind of spoke with a sarcastic streak, but he had a point. Looking around, Black and Gray couldn't see any other people besides themselves, Agent Bruce, the brightly-colored spy weirdo, and the guy at the disco booth; there were only 5 people here. "Oh, this isn't good. ..Why didn't they turn up?" Black thought to himself, even Gray was shocked. "Oh geez, I'm the only girl.." Now Agent Bruce had his eyes on Agent Gray, and walked up next to her, he tried to wrap an arm around her, but Gray shoved him away. "Yep, this is what I've been waiting for; I paid everyone off just to be here all by myself, isn't that right Harold?" Bruce asked, turning to the guy working the disco booth, who simply responded with a not amused look, and he spoke in a monotone voice: "No, no one turned up because it's an idiotic dance."

Black and Gray suddenly flinched as the brightly-dressed weirdo just breezed right on past them, jumping around like a ballerina. "Bruce is a party god! YEAAAAHAHABLAAHAHAHA!" he screamed. Black and Gray stared blankly for a moment, "Okay, this is really really weird.." Gray turned to him and nodded silently in agreement, "Alright, alright, you know what? I don't like this party, okay? I'm leaving by myself." Meanwhile, Bruce had dragged Gray over to a nearby photo booth, and wanted to take a picture with her, much to her chagrin. "Black, you know what Frank said: don't walk home alone!" The dark wide-brimmed hat wearing fellow rolled his eyes, "Well, you know what? I don't care 'bout what he said, it's a really cool party, but I'll see you when I get home, okay?" he said, and walked out of the HQ and into the elevator, he pushed a button and it slowly began it's descent to the bottom floor.

The full moon illuminated the dark streets of Monochropolous, most of the buildings had their lights off, while some were on, and a cold breeze was blowing softly through the air, sending some leaves rolling about like tumbleweeds, the darkness and the autumn breeze gave this place a creepy atmosphere at night. "Oh my goodness, that party was so dead.. I'm glad that I'm walkin' home alone.. Even though Mr-know-it-all told me not to, I'm doin' it my way.." Black mumbled under his breath as he followed the sidewalk that he thought would be the best path home, as he walked along he paused and looked at a Mountain Dew vending machine. "..I really wish that that vending machine was fixed, if only I could just put in a coin, and get myself a nice cold can of-" Black jumped and turned as he saw someone out of the corner of his eye, upon getting a good look at the man, he saw that the fellow was wearing an all-orange suit with small numbers over the chest area, his eyes widened upon realizing he was face-to-face with an escaped criminal.

"Who are you, pal?" The man asked, raising an eyebrow, the trained spy stood his ground, unfazed. "..T-that's none of your concern!" he shouted. The man advanced towards him and growled, "Give me all your money." Black reached in his pockets for a weapon, he felt around, nothing accept a small towel, a map, and his wallet. With horror he realized he made the worst mistake any Spy can make: Going alone without a weapon for self defence.

Well, if he had no weapon to fight with, he might as well use his combat training. "Oooh, sorry, don't have any money!" he lied, The criminal smirked. "I know that you're wrong, sir. The thing is.. I've got a knife, and I can stab you!" he reached in his pocket, and pulled out what looked like a shaving razor kit, but then a long, razor sharp serrated knife popped out of nowhere; this villain had a switch-blade. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, I'm saving my money so that I can get Mountain Dews on break hours, plus: You should know that I'm a black belt in karate." Black also replied with a smirk, trying to keep his cool. "Oh, very funny. My intention was to rob this vending machine, but I STILL want cash, so give it to me!" "Not a chance, bub!" Black then lashed out and kicked the villain right in the crotch, the criminal's eyes widened as he collapsed in a whimpering heap. Black reached in his wallet and tossed only 3 dollars at the man, "There, that can get you a Happy Meal at Old Mcdonalds. Now, scram, punk!" The crippled fellow slowly got up, whimpering in terror, and ran off down the street, and hid behind someone's car. "That's what I thought." The spy said, brushing himself off.

But as he was about to continue down the street, Black paused and looked all around him, he saw that the apartment building was nowhere in sight, "Great.. Just great!" He grumbled, reaching in his pocket to pull out a map that he had, then he heard a strange sound: A sharp hiss behind him, Black froze for a moment, then slowly turned to it's source. At first he saw nothing in the alleyway, just darkness.. But then two small red pinpricks that would be eyes pierced through the empty blackness. In an instant he knew that this wasn't the criminal from before, now it was his turn to ask. "Who are you?" After a moment, a dark inhuman voice echoed out. "..Like you said, 'none of your concern'." Black felt a lump form in his throat, "Yeah, well.. As I said, I have been trained in hand-to-hand combat, and I've got a weapon!" The voice chuckled at this, "Oh, do you now? Well.. that's not what I remember.. And, I can smell you're blood, and fear.." At that moment, he saw two small sharp things come into view, glinting in the moonlight. They looked like.. And that's when Black put it all together: This thing can smell blood, it has red eyes, and sharp teeth. Oh crap, it was a.. "W-what are you gonna do to me?" Black asked as sweat began to drip down his forehead. "I'm just going to take a little bite, if you don't mind.." As the spy slowly backed away, he saw the figure of a person slowly come into view, with the red eyes and fangs included. But then before you could say "Holy shnitzel!" The singularity leapt at Black at such speed that it was just a blur, he felt himself getting grabbed by the head and one of his shoulders, and then he let out an ear-splitting scream of agony as he felt those fangs sink between his neck and shoulder-blade, after just 5 seconds he felt the fangs remove themselves from his flesh, "Thank you so much.. Bye bye!" The creepy voice echoed into his ear, a second later, he saw a large bat-like figure open it's wings and fly out of sight.

Immediately, Black placed a hand on his neck to slow down the bleeding, bags had begun to form under his eyes from weakness and blood loss, at the same time he thought he felt his canines grow an inch longer. He reached into his right pocket and pulled out a small emergency towel and pressed it against the wound, grinding his teeth in pain. "Aw no.. *cough!* I can't believe I got bit by a.. ow.. by a v-vampire.. " Black lowered his head and whimpered softly, as he felt tears stream down his cheeks and drip from his pointy nose and onto the cement ground.

Then he heard a thud, the sound of someone, or something, landing on the ground behind him. Slowly he turned to it's source, wiping the tears from his cheeks, "G-gray?" The sound he heard next wasn't the voice of a human, but the growl of an angry animal. A second later, Two small yellow pinpricks pierced through the empty blackness, Another shadowed figure came into view, at first it was advancing towards him on two legs, but then it slowly dropped on all fours as drool dripped from it's sharp fangs. Glancing up at the full moon in the night sky, there was only one possibility: A werewolf, why'd it have to be a werewolf?

Black knew that he couldn't fight off this monster in his weakened state, he couldn't even call for help; he didn't have a phone. "..W-wait, I've gotten bit by a *cough!* a vampire.. If I got b-bit by a werewolf t-*cough!* t-then something bad'll happen! Please, don't!" He whimpered, almost as if doing the opposite of what he said, the beast snarled and lunged at Black, biting him right in the arm, easily drawing more blood. Once again, a scream of agony escaped his lips. Due to shock and loss of blood, he saw his vision get blurry and black, and he fell to the ground, and passed out.

His eyes shot open as he felt pain shoot throughout his body, but at the same time, he felt his energy come flooding back to him, he could only manage to get on his knees, due to him still being weakened, he hugged himself in pain as he felt himself transform. His teeth, not just his canines, grew longer and more sharp, resembling the teeth of a monstrous carnivore. His ears (which weren't visible before) grew longer and curved and turned a bit furry, they now resembled the pointed ears of a wolf. His black overcoat became torn as he grew a foot taller, he felt his tail bone grow longer, until a furry tail burst from his pants. (Embarrassed, Black blushed a bit at this.) And to top this all off, he felt the bones in his fingers and hands spread out and grow longer, until they became the giant veined wings of a bat, his white pupils narrowed to cat-like slits.

His neck also stopped bleeding and his injured arm healed.

Eventually, the pain passed through him and went away, as his blurry vision swam into focus, Black looked left and right, exploring his surroundings which were now becoming high-def. "Oh.. W-what happened..?" He asked, his voice now deeper. He looked down at his hands, and saw that they were huge, monstrous bat wings! When he saw this, he immediately woke up. "AAAAAGGGHHH! What happened to me?!" Slowly, he felt his memories come flooding back to him. "Aw man.. I'm a Vamp-Wolf! Well, actually that one sounds stupid.. oh, I got it! I'm a Were-Pyre, NOOO!" The newly transformed Black paused for a moment before a villainous grin crossed his face, long fangs glinting in the moonlight. "Oh.. But I feel so powerful.. Yes.. I want.. I need to get revenge.. REVENGE!!" He roared, Black opened his huge bat wings, and with just 4 flaps, he took to the sky. Looking down, he saw the Werewolf and Vampire from before perched on top of one of the buildings, looking up in horror at this flying monster before them, the expressions on their faces said all too clearly: "What have we done?"

The criminal from before walked out from behind the car, looking around, he saw that that Black Spy was nowhere in sight, he breathed a sigh of relief. Then he looked at the 3 dollars in his hands and glared, "3 dollars, that's not even enough to buy me a stupid-" Then he heard the loud flapping of wings, and the thud of something landing just 6 feet away from him. The criminal gulped, for he was too scared to even look behind him. "Oh, burg-larr!" A deep growling sing-songy voice echoed out, The criminal whimpered and slowly looked behind him, his eyes widened in fear, and then he screamed as he saw the figure of a winged beast lunge for him screeching, with it's mouth wide open, hinged like a snake.

-

Black slowly licked the remaining blood off his lips, the criminal had now become a midnight snack. The monster-turned spy glanced up at the buildings from where he saw the Werewolf and Vampire that had turned him, they were nowhere in sight, they were gone. Black opened his wings once again and flew to the top of one of the buildings, and looked up at the full moon, a bloodstained grin spreading across his face. He threw his head back, opened his large bat wings, and unleashed a loud inhuman howl that echoed throughout Monochropolous.

"AAAAAA-OOOOOOOO!!!!"