#i also hope we get to see tartar because i have not stopped thinking about him i'm so scared

[osargis]

forgot that the new witch hat chapter is four days away... scared

[bringerofdeathandtheapocolypse]

So I've been on a Gajeel fic binge right now (It was originally a Fraxus one but then somewhere along the lone I picked up interest in Gajeel fics and changed course) and I was reading one fic and a little something jumped out to me. It was a fic that was set somewhere after the 7 year gap and in it mentioned Jet and Droy still not liking Gajeel. I'm here to argue why that isn't the case. (And also complain how we never actually get to see much of Gajeel being around them)

So def during Fantasia, they don't like Gajeel. That's obvious. I would say they start to change their view of him a little when they realise he was letting both them and Laxus beat him up with no pushback so that they wouldn't see him as a threat and would accept him as part of the guild along with him taking a pretty nasty hit to protect Levy despite already being in bad condition before hand (I do hope at some point if it ever came out what happened, that someone told Laxus off for that but if not, he did still get punished for his actions later) I wouldn't say they liked him but I think that's when they might have stopped being angry that he was there.

This is supported when around Tenrou, the only objections they have about Levy teaming up with Gajeel is that they weren't picked. We don't see them say anything about Gajeel potentially hurting her (Something the audience knows he won't do since he has used his own body to protect her from Laxus' lightning twice) And while sure that could have happened off screen, its not something we can confirm either since again, it isn't on screen.

After the 7 year time skip, they def seem to have forgiven Gajeel since we see them (once) go after Gajeel and Lily on a job and during Kotsh, they all seem fine with working together (Even if Lily and Levy are there as a kind of buffer) and don't appear to show any malice towards any of them (I will complain about Lily acting like Gajeel is a child earlier in the arc though because he is a grown man and if he decides he doesn't want to fight Laxus and doesn't show up by sunset then that's his business) I honestly can't remember exactly their reactions to Gajeel's fights in GMG since its been awhile since I've seen the arc in its entirety. I do remember that they were teamed up during Tartarous though but not much was shown there either.

But most definitely by the time Alveraz comes around, they are friends since when Gajeel "comes back from the dead" and starts defending Jet and Droy, Droy is telling Gajeel that he doesn't need to risk his life to save them, that they know he's been through a lot and that he should protect himself. Gajeel literally calls them his friends when he declines the offer to save himself and both Jet and Droy are happy at being called friends by Gajeel. They clearly at that point, like Gajeel and have forgiven him for what he did in PL.

The only sad thing about this is the lack of screentime they get together. Most of it involves Levy being there as like a buffer or the reason both Jet and Droy and Gajeel would be there which is kinda a shame because Levy wasn't the only one hurt by Gajeel. They were too. I wish we got to see some screentime of Jet and Droy being in a situation with Gajeel that didn't involve Levy because I like Gajeel being friends with them. Its sweet and a nice full circle for his character and gives Jet and Droy more than just being Levy's teammates.

Like maybe have Gajeel teach them self defence classes(Like a lot of people believe he did with Levy) so that they can defend themselves if someone were to ever surprise attack them again. I personally like the idea of him giving them knives made of his own metal (Something I headcanon he does for the people he cares about so that if they don't have magic at their disposal and are in a tight situation, they have a knife that won't break to most if any metals) but there are other options too.

This is just me giving out evidence to back up why Jet, Droy and Gajeel are friends and should both be portrayed as such and have been given more screentime. (I do hope we get to see their reactions to finding out Levy is expecting in 100 years quest and that they congratulate Gajeel too)

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

I don’t care if it’s been months. Technoblade was fucking wrong and I will die mad about it. 

Let me start this off by saying that I really like Technoblade as a character. I think he’s very interesting and acts as a great counterbalance on the Dream SMP, but drawing a parallel between c!Tommy and Theseus was wrong and it drives me up the wall that it’s become an established thing both in canon and fandom.

If you are going to draw a parallel between c!Tommy and a Greek hero, the clear parallel is Achilles. 

Here we have a man. This man has anger management issues. He is known to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, hold grudges, and deliberately goad others in a way that can feel petty and immature. On the other hand this is a man whose fatal flaw is his unwavering loyalty to others. A man who, when properly motivated, will be the first to charge and the last to retreat. A man who feels everything to the fullest, known for his passion rather than his thoughtfulness or strategy (though don’t let that fool you, he has those qualities, they are simply not as “on display” as others may be). 

This is a man with a very close personal male friend. This friend is perceived as being sweet and calm, a balm against their rather abrasive counterpart. This is misleading. The friend is also violent and chaotic, but hides it better than most, and certainly better than their friend. 

Everyone loves the friend. Not everyone loves the man. 

The man goes into a homicidal rage when that friend was harmed and killed.

Is any of this sounding familiar at all?! 

Do you know what the name “Achilles” means? 

“He who carries the distress of his people”. 

The triple meaning of which is either: “he carries the burden of the distress of his people”, “he creates that distress himself”, or “he brings distress to others on behalf of his people”, and have you ever, ever in your life heard a more accurate description of mr tommy innit. 

Here’s the other thing. Theseus is a dick. He is the biggest fucking dick. He’s a manipulator. An opportunist. He never considers the consequences of how his choices might affect others. He betrays allies at every opportunity and takes credit for anything and everything that may reflect well on him, regardless of who actually thought of it. 

Do you want to know why Theseus was exiled by his people? Why he died alone? 

The way Techno tells it, it seems like the people are in the wrong. Why would people betray and exile their Hero? Seems pretty ungrateful. I’ll tell you why.

TLDR c!Tommy’s parallel in Greek mythology is Achilles not fucking Theseus

Please understand, Theseus doesn’t go to defeat the Minotaur for any noble reason. It has nothing to do with the fact that the people under his care are being taken on a regular basis by an opposing city state in order to be fed to an Unholy Monster of Death (who’s actually a victim in all of this but that’s a whole other post). It’s for his ego. It’s because he’s got a chip on his shoulder the size of the Mediterranean Basin egging him on to be the biggest best Hero Prince there ever was. 

It’s also important to note that the term “Hero” does not have any moral standing connected to it in the world of Greek Mythology. Being a Hero does not mean you are a good person. It means you make a good story. 

At the time he goes to defeat the Minotaur, Theseus is actually fairly new to the whole prince gig (long story) but it means that the people of Athens aren’t exactly attached to him. He kind of just turned up. He hasn’t earned their loyalty or respect. They don’t know him enough to love him, let alone reviere him.  

His dad does want to know if he succeeds though. 

This tribute is a great tragedy for their people so the ships that carry them away and come back empty always have black sails, both in mourning and in recognition of their sacrifice. So Dad says “Hey, if, against all odds, you end up succeeding and defeating the Minotaur, switch out the black sails for white sails, and I’ll know even before you arrive that our people are safe. I’ll keep a look out on that cliff. See you soon ... or not” Then he probably patted Theseus awkwardly on the shoulder or something.

So Theseus boards the ship with all the other miserable 20 somethings who think they’re as dead as freshly plated steak tartare with the expressed intention of destroying the Minotaur in a blaze of self reflecting Glory and making his name as a Hero. 

Theseus only defeats the Minotaur, by the way, because Ariadne, a Cretian princess, did practically all the heavy lifting for him. She’s the one who figures it all out. She’s the one who understands the intricacies of the maze, and she is the one who comes up with the plan of using thread as a guide back out of that maze. She’s also the one who stands sentinel at the entrance and makes sure he doesn’t run out of said thread. All of this help and guidance is given upon the understanding that, having utterly betrayed her own kingdom, Theseus will take her back to Athens and marry her, ensuring her safety. 

Except Theseus doesn’t want to marry her. He never wanted to marry her. He’s a young prince in his prime with years of Heroing ahead of him. Ariadne was only ever a means to an end. 

So they defeat the Minotaur. Big Whoop. 

The ship stops off on a little island before returning home and Theseus sends Ariadne off to get supplies (there’s a dear). Literally as soon as Ariadne is out of sight Theseus is in such a hurry to avoid his responsibilities and promises that he pulls that ship straight back out onto the open sea, before his crew can do anything else (such as change the sails perhaps, remember that).

He abandons the one person who actually helped him, completely alone, without any resources, in a foreign land, and unable to return home even if she wanted to. 

Dad now sees the sails that he’s been on a look out for this whole time, hoping and praying for white. Instead he sees black and is so overcome with despair that he throws himself right off the cliff, commiting suicide and leaving Athens leaderless.

So when Theseus does rock up, the people of Athens understandably want nothing to do with him. He’s only recently become prince anyway. No one cares about him or is loyal to him. The king has just commited suicide because of him, leaving the city state in complete disarray, he’s just abandoned a key ally, proving that his word is worthless, and has demonstrated beyond a doubt that he is not fit to be a leader, let alone their Prince. 

So they exile him. 

He goes on to have more adventures of course, and he does become one of the most well-known “Heroes” in Greek Mythology, but don’t for one second think he improves.

Theseus is a dick. He will always be a dick. 

He never learns, never grows, and in the end, dies alone and abandoned, just as he abandoned so many others before him. 

TLDR c!Tommy’s parallel in Greek mythology is Achilles NOT fucking Theseus 

[dianapana]

SH Day 1: The Beginning of us

@sasuhinamonth

(Modern AU, OOC most likely)

“Kids, don’t forget to be very nice to Grandma today, it’s a difficult day for her” Hikari said once again, only to be met with silence. The woman sighed deeply and looked into the rearview mirror at her two teens, both with earphones in, typing away on their phones.

“They both love your mom; I know they’ve been in awful mood swings lately but they haven’t seen Hinata in a couple weeks.” Yuuta, Hikari’s husband tried to reassure her.

“I know, but this would have been dad’s birthday, and she always gets so sad around this time of the year. It’s been almost 10 years since dad died, but it still breaks my heart every time to see her cry”

Just as she finished talking the car stopped, Hikari did not have the time to turn around and ask her kids to be well-behaved because they were both out of their seats and running towards the house.

“These kids, I swear…” Hikari murmured to herself as she was putting her phone into her purse getting ready to get out of the car as well. She was just about to complain some more but was cut off.

“MOOOOOM, THE DOOR’S LOCKED”

That was it, the sentence that made her skin crawl, she froze in place. Hinata always waited for them by the window and would come outside when the car park, no matter how down she was that day, she would always be outside, but she wasn’t, the door was locked.

“Kids come back here,” Yuuta said softly while taking her purse. The kids got back into the car with wide eyes, confused but also scared. Hikari could not move, she stayed still and silent looking at her own hands as Yuuta went to unlock the door and then went deeper into the house. The few minutes he was gone felt both like a few seconds and an eternity.

He came out of the house with a deep frown on, he didn’t even have to say the words, they all knew. The kids cried Hikari fought against tears and Yuuta called his brother-in-law to tell him the sad news. Hinata had passed away in her sleep.

The week to come was a blur of phone calls and planning intertwined with crying, mourning and comforting. The funeral came and ended in a blink of an eye. Most of Hinata’s friends and generation had already passed, thus most of the people attending were distant family or kids of her friends. Regardless the room was filled with sobs and condolences. Just a few days prior Hikari complained about her kids growing up too fast, becoming adults that no longer needed her, but during the funeral, both of them held her hand as they cried throughout the ceremony.

Hinata was buried next to Sasuke, after 10 years of making him wait she decided to leave them and join him in heaven, part of Hikari was happy the two of them would meet again in the afterlife, but the other half of her was stubbornly missing her mother, needing her even in her adult life.

The last step of the process was cleaning out the house. It almost felt like blasphemy when they decided to sell the house. Sasuke built that house for Hinata, they started their family there. Even after Sasuke passed Hinata refused to move in with either of her kids because the house itself held importance to her. Two months passed since the funeral, but it still felt too soon, yet Yuuta and her elder brother were moving the furniture seeming not to understand the gravity of the matter.

Hikari on the other hand was on the floor of Hinata and Sasuke’s bedroom looking through photo albums of their childhood. She was reminiscing all the happy memories she had in the house, being in deep thought she didn’t hear her kids walking in until one of them affirmed loudly. “Wow Grandma and Grandpa look so young here”

Hikari looked over to see which photo they were referring to. It was a black and white shot of the two smiling, they were 19 at the time, Hikari knew the picture well, much like the story behind it.

“That was taken on their first date,” she said and the two kids looked up at her, waiting, expecting more, willing to hear the story. “Mom told me the story about a million times when I was a teen ‘If he doesn’t treat you like Sasuke treated me here, don’t bother he’s not worth your time Hikari’ she’d say”

Looking at the photo for a moment longer she could almost hear Hinata’s soothing voice as she was telling the story.

“The two of us met when we were small kids, our mothers were friends but we moved from Konoha after I entered elementary school. At the time the move was devastating, but as years went by, he slowly became a passing thought until finally I completely forgot about him and our friendship. Years later after, I returned to Konoha because I was assigned a kindergarten teacher post here. The first few days here were awful, I knew nobody and the other teacher was so rude and mean. I cried myself to sleep the first two weeks. I hated the apartment I stayed in as well; looking back, the apartment was lovely, but I hated being alone, I had never been alone before, and at the time being a single young girl in the city by yourself was frowned upon, and that mentality was so deeply rooted In my mind as well, I felt shame at times to come home to silence. I barely managed to get used to the job when I met Sasuke again, he was a young, handsome man; and he knew it too, if you think his ego is bad now you should have seen him back then. He came by the kindergarten to pick up his niece. He claims he remembered me and that’s why he kept approaching me, but I don’t believe that; I am telling you he fell in love at first sight.

I didn’t want to do anything with him, I was still having a tough time and a relationship would be too difficult to start at the time, but he insisted almost daily. It started out in a self-centred manner; he really believed himself to be the best catch out there, and he was, but still, it wasn’t very attractive at the time how he approached me in that way. So, after a few tries, he realized he should change how he tried to get my attention, he would bring me one flower every day when he came to pick up his niece; he apparently begged his sister-in-law to allow him to pick her up daily. Then, all of a sudden, he stopped coming, I didn’t ask about him because why would I, but his disappearance made me feel sad and disappointed; it made me realize how our small interactions actually meant so much to me and how much I basked in his attention.

A month passed and I had not seen him since, this time his memory was much stronger and harder to forget, but I was starting to lose hope of ever seeing him again. And just as I started accepting that fact, he returned with 31 flowers, one for each day he was absent, and a picture; a picture of the two of us as kids holding hands in the backyard of my old house. He looked so lovely, he was wearing a suit; it was the first time I saw him in one; he had just gotten an important job and couldn’t stop by due to the training program he needed to complete.

Before I could even get a word out, tell him I had missed him or that I was happy to see him, or how utterly surprising it was that we had met before; he started talking about fate and destiny, it was a lovely speech that painted us to be the one and only option for the other, it was very sweet. But once again he didn’t allow me to reply before asking me to wait. ‘Wait for a month’ he said ‘I will come and ask you on a proper date, one that I will be able to pay for with my first salary.’ I thought that was charming of him so I agreed.

Little did I know that a month later he’d show up once again with 31 roses and on a motorcycle. I had never dreamt of seeing one of those at the time, they were still so new and almost frightening. But I had waited for that date for such a long time so I decided to do things his way. He took me to the most expensive restaurant in the city.

The date itself is such a fun story too when he had to order he asked for the beef tartare, but he had never had it before and thought the condiments that came on the side were pre-portioned so he dumped everything in, it was so disgusting he couldn’t even take two bites out of it, so we ended up splitting my pasta. After the ‘dinner fiasco’ as Sasuke still refers to it, we continued our drive, he took me outside Konoha grounds to a small river bank where it was rumoured that you could see the most stars in the sky. That’s where we took the picture. We actually took about a dozen but we were both nervous, so either I had my eyes closed or his hands were shaking and the photo was blurred.

We leaned against the bike and looked at the sky for a while until he took my hand and held it, my heart was beating so fast I was certain he could hear it. I had never been on a date before, and the month of not seeing him made me realize my feelings, add to that a full month of waiting and expectations and I was a ball of stress, especially now that we were all alone in a secluded area. I had been fine at the restaurant, I was calm and collected while he had been the anxious one, but now the roles were reversed, he appeared to be so sure of himself and I was shaking all over. I thought the silence would be awkward, but it wasn’t, it was comfortable. I can’t even remember how long we looked at the starts and occasionally talked a bit, but I do remember the cool summer wind and his warm hand, I remember the mischievous glint in his eye, I was sure he’d kiss me, but he only looked at me and called me beautiful.

We only had our first kiss on date number six about three weeks and a half later, when I asked why he waited so long, he told me that Itachi gave him some advice, that at times waiting builds up suspense and makes the other person constantly think of you; which was true, all my thoughts would somehow lead up to him; and Sasuke said that he wanted me thinking of him as much as possible so I’d catch up to him; so, I’d like him just as much as he liked me. Poor him, not knowing I had already fallen deeply in love.

Don’t settle for less Hikari, they have to have an elaborate and intricate plan to get to you, and if it’s you doing the chasing follow your dad’s lead because I thought he was so charming.”

The story would forever be in Hikari’s mind, she would forever remember her parents as being deeply in love from their beginning until their last moments. The house was filled with memories, but so was she, she carried around all of the stories and moments of her parent’s love story throughout the years, and it was a beautiful tale.

[dragon-of-the-soutn]

Hear me out but Percy and squad meet Celtic demigods!

If the Romans are strict and the Greek’s are relaxed the Celts are completely adhoc.

The Gods unlike the Greeks/Romans generally chose to stay in there home lands, mainly because they don’t get along with the Roman aspects due to the fact you invaded my territory, murdered my people and my Priests and if you even think of looking at Europe again I will kick your ass so hard you’ll wish you were trapped in tartars.

This means there kids also hate the Romans and will fight them given the smallest opportunity. The Greeks just watch the carnage unfold before them.

There are about eight different permanent Camps that deal with different pantheons for each region/country.

The camps are all in tenuous alliance with on another but don’t really interact above. “There are monsters attacking us, send help.” Or “We have some kids on a quest coming your way make sure they don’t die.”

All the camps are lead by a group of Druid elders who totally haven’t had a my Camp and kids are better than yours thing running for centuries, they are entirely professional.

The Camps will often have mock/real battless with one another on the regular with the Druids acting as over invested football dads.

“That spear doesn’t count! You useless tosser!” “Don’t start with me you English fuck!!”

Percy gets on pretty well with the other sea kids, and there are lots of them, but they have a bit of an ongoing feud with the river kids and because he can control both bodies of water he’s considered a neutral party in disputes.

Percy meeting a kelpi, “wanna go for a ride?” “Wanna go for a die sea boi?” Some River kids see what’s going on and have to rescue him because yes that nice looking horse would of eaten him, and yes it’s not actually a horse but an incredible deadly river spirit.

Celtic kids are really confused why the Greeks shun kids of Death Gods because most of there parents have some death aespect in one way or another?

Athena and Morrigan kids sharing battle strategy notes.

Brigid and Apollo kids writing poetry together and making there new Greek friends some awesome weapons.

“Wait if your both children of Cernunnos why can she raise the dead and you can do things with plants?” “She conceived in his winter aspect obviously.”

Greeks be like this is our prophet , she is the only one. While Druids and a lot of Celtic demigods are like give me some entrails, throw me some bones and I’ll have the answer to your question in like two minutes.

“Wait you don’t do any type of divination? You don’t even read signs???”

A selki turns up at camp and a Greek kid gives them or finds there coat and the Celt kids are like your married now. Congrats on your Selki marriage.

Percy has some interesting conversations with the lock Ness monster.

Scottish demigods leave porridge and milk out for Brownies and only one Greek kid has ever seen them. No one quiet believed them.

The first meeting with the Fay is a disaster, some poor Greek kid ends up as a pet and several just disappear into stone circle.

“We need to go and rescue our friends!” “I’m dude points for bravery but if you bring them out they’ll be over 200 years old. You know time works differently there right? Right?!”

There are a few gaelic kids who were tricked by fae when they were younger but only in a tiny amount so like they accepted a gift that they shouldn’t but their godly parent is protecting them but they could be claimed by their technical owner at any moment. The first time a fae walks into the middle of their thoroughly warded camp to do this all the Greeks pull their weapons, the Celts just hope they’re not there for them.

It is after the fae incident the Greeks learn that none of the Celts use their real names.

Which is why it’s such a big deal when they tell you there real name.

One day an unseelie fae just turns up and kills 30 of the kids for killing an important plant of theirs. One of the Celtic demigods makes a deal with a more powerful unseelie fae to defeat them. The other Celts don’t ask what the deal was. A while later the kid disappears. The Celtic kids stop saying their name and just refer to them as ‘the lost one’ the greek kids remember the stories mentioning other ‘lost one’ they had assumed it was one person. They stop saying their name too.

They later visit a hill in the kids homelands and every kid in that kids camp leaves a stone that has the lost ones original name in runes (whichever their deity uses) on the hill. The Greek kids think about the little piles of rune stones each kid carries, some of the Greek kids think of the carving that happened the first time they took part in a seasonal ritual with a particular camp and the small stone that each of the camps members had given them. They kept those stones a little closer.

Whenever a kid is in their parents kingdom eg by their river, on their land the parent turns up and says hello and glares at the kids of a similar affinity from a different area. Eg they’d cross the border into Scotland and caeliach would come say hi to her kids or the kids of deities on her land and then glare at ambisagrus’ kids.

“Your parents talk to you?!” “Yours don’t? How do you find out about quests!”

[snailvibes]

ALSO OPINIONS ON EACH OF THE IDOLS???

OOOOO OOO OOO OOO VERY EXCITED TO ANSWER THIS ONE

Marie: when I first got into splatoon I didn’t like Marie too much for whatever reason but by the time I finished hero mode and got into the fandom I grew to love her, but she’s grown to REALLY be up there on the comfort characters list ever since the Marie and agent 4 brainrot grew this bad lol. She’s really strong for everything she’s had to deal with, having her gramps kidnapped in splatoon 1, the whole final fest and being so distant from Callie as a result of it, having to train an agent all by herself, all that stuff. Marie’s honestly so incredibly cool, very fun to draw too and i hope in splatoon 3 we get to see more of the silliness from her the hero mode gave us!

Callie: I love Callie so much, I think her character out of all the idols is the most fun for me to analyze and also her design and outfits are so cool I used to doodle her 24/7. I’m a lover of angst ofc and I’d like to thank nintendo for giving us brainwashed Callie and all the ideas with it that I’ve written a full fic about in my head that I’ve yet to actually do anything with <3 She’s so fun and I don’t know what it is about her that makes me love so much really? I’d love to see her have more of a present role in splatoon 3 because I think it’d be fun to see more of her cheerful and hyper personality as well as the times where she can be serious

Pearl: PEARL I LOVE PEARL SO MUCH I’ll go ahead and admit it she is my favorite out of the four, I’ve always loved her ever since I got the game she just stood out to me and I really love her energy and the way she talks and how like in the octo expansion even if she doesn’t fully understand the situation she’s willing to help out and do her best. Even if she teases them a lot it’s obvious pearl really does love and care for her friends, she’s made me laugh so much whether it be from splatfest and news dialogue or the octo expansion chat logs, along with agent 4 she’s also a major comfort character

Marina: I ALSO RLLY ADORE MARINA she’s such an interesting character to learn about and it’s so incredibly cool how smart she is and how when she was so young she was able to make all that machinery. The fandom tends to portray her as pretty shy all the time when she was the one to ask pearl to start off the hook and also escaped octarian society all by herself, as well as stayed cool under the pressure of Tartar literally charging a canon to sanitize her entire city and manage to DRAW A REALLY COOL DETAILED PLAN FOR THEM TO STOP IT IN SUCH SHORT TIME??? She’s a lot braver than the fandom gives her credit for! I love marina so much I think it’s really cool how passionate she is about her interests and how kind and sweet she is

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 148: The Unbreakable Vow

The ceiling and walls had been draped with emerald, crimson, and gold hangings, so that it looked as though they were all inside a vast tent. The room was stuffy but breathable to just the eight of them, bathed in the red light cast by an ornate golden lamp dangling from the center of the ceiling in which real fairies were fluttering, each a brilliant speck of light. Loud singing accompanied by what sounded like mandolins issued from a distant corner, James crashing right into the instrument and cutting off the noise. A haze of pipe smoke hung over Remus's head and he coughed deeply as he got to his feet.

Several silver platters of food crashed to the floor around all of them and Sirius swooped in for the hors d'oeuvres, grabbing the majority of them and jogging over to Moony and offering him a selection before running around to the others, stuffing himself silly along the way.

Peter and Regulus were each given little cucumber sandwiches and a passive smile as he skipped off. They couldn't help laughing at him same as the others, but Regulus' eyes caught on Slughorn's bag and he went over to it curiously, beginning to dig through the contents like he'd wanted to do countless times instead of mingling with his boring guests.

His wand was in here, along with a pile of coins and a few vials of things he hadn't a hope to recognize but was sure they were of some value, probably to be traded to or from some important person here.

He picked one up and tipped it in the light, but Peter frowned in concern and cautioned, "let's not open those please? I wouldn't put it past Slughorn to be carrying around something nasty to show off."

"Fair enough," Regulus agreed, putting it gently back. His mind flickered back to their teacher being on the run and clearly still weary of something being done to him, and his stomach swirled unpleasantly for that possibly being his future. He still wondered very often how he'd died, his practical magic not being up to snuff against Death Eater's and their spells, and he wouldn't have a clue how to counter act anything else of danger like a poison, he only knew a bezoar to fix that. He watched Peter for a few moments listening to the book and thought about him and his brother for several moments before asking, "would you teach me how to be an animagus?"

Peter watched him for a long time with an unfamiliar look on his face, and Regulus hastily explained, "I remember you can't pick the animal and it's really difficult, but I'll try really hard at it, I promise! It couldn't hurt right? Sounds really clever and useful, I know it's come in handy with you lot during this, like back in the shop." Peter had whispered the explanation of how he'd gotten out of his problem after the fact, and the idea had been hovering ever since. There was also Lupin, which still fascinated him on multiple levels, he'd only ever read studies mum and dad had given on how to kill, not help.

"Nobody's ever asked me to teach them something before," Peter finally answered in a shy sort of voice. "James and Sirius helped me out a lot, and there's all kinds of steps involved you can't even get a hold of until we get out of this..." Regulus just kept watching him hopefully, he wasn't even biting his cheek. He wasn't thinking about this, he really wanted it. "It's also illegal," he firmly reminded, "we'd get into all sorts of trouble if anyone found out. You don't want to wait until you're of age?"

"No. I know the consequences," Regulus promised. He still held his breath until Peter finally smiled and said yes. He couldn't help but bounce on the spot in delight, finally something good to look forward to when they got out of this! He thanked him so profusely Peter when the brightest red in surprise, and he wondered for a moment if anyone had shown him such gratitude before either.

"Since when is Sirius Black in a good mood to be at one of Slughorn's parties?" Alice asked no one in particular as she savored a stuffed mushroom. Her and Frank had seen him at exactly two, and both had been memorable disasters for the chaotic Marauders.

"Alcohol," Remus told her as he watched his progress fondly. "I give it before anyone even finds the book he'll be in Slughorn's private stores."

Since the party was semi ruined by their host, and all guests still mysteriously being absent, the others began lounging on couches and settling on the floor like they were still looking for a brief respite in sleep.

Remus' skin prickled with unease at the idea, he popped the last of a tartare into his mouth and followed after him. His guess had been absolutely right, Sirius had slipped into Slughorn's private storage room and now had bottles of alcohol on him a plenty. Wine racks, differently designed bottles of brandy, even a few exotic teas lined the shelves in the wide open space. A tempered glass door showed his shadow, and Sirius had his bum wagging in excitement.

"Look at some of this stuff Moony!" He hadn't even turned around yet. "Man's always good use for it! Want to pop a bottle of this, it's Rosmerta's best oak-matured mead!" It still had a gift tag attached to it and everything. He turned around now, sloshing it suggestively and eyeing the still open door meaningfully.

The desire that nearly drowned him was an easy nod of agreement. The detail he and Sirius would be plenty drunk and distracted while the others would be asleep soon enough and the book would keep going before Sirius realized his laps was surely inconsequential.

James slipped in before Remus could slam the door on his nose. "Perfect!" He yelped in delight upon also seeing Sirius' prize. He snatched it out of his hand and took off laughing, Sirius yelping in protest and chasing after. Remus felt his heart climb up his throat for a completely different reason now at the horrible prospects this was turning into, he did not need a Padfoot with an even more loose tongue than usual around this lot!

They were wrestling over it in front of a table of several goblets full of mead. Remus only just had time to hope they might break it and settle for the lesser ones as the bottle thunked dangerously against the floor when Sirius pinned James, but there wasn't even a crack on it as Padfoot got it out of his hands and swooped to his feet in victory to be the one to pop the cork.

"You two are a menace," Frank told them as he reached over to sip the non-alcoholic ones, even summoning the book to him. He still had a slight headache from the last time he'd indulged, and if they were going to be awake, he might as well get on with it. Alice hung next to his arm and watched the book with him, frowning at the horrible prospects of Ron and Hermione's friendship being ruined because of love gone wrong. She kept squeezing Frank's hand and didn't even watch the boy's antics, neither noticed Lily leave their side.

Potter still looked a bit on edge as he watched his friends, and she was starting to feel a little guilty for her cowardice before. She may as well have a little fun and maybe, hopefully give Alice's advice a go and hope a third party would ease their tension.

Frank's comment was thoroughly ignored as Sirius grabbed a glass and tossed the unwanted liquid away before greedily being refilled. Remus swooped in with a challenging smirk and managed to delicately take it without spilling a drop.

Sirius sighed but gracefully accepted the defeat, repeating the process on another glass and creating a puddle on the floor, but Remus hesitated taking a drink, determined to remain as clear headed as he needed to be to keep an eye on him. James even snatched that one away, and Sirius slammed the bottle down so that he could throw his hands in the air in mutiny. "What have I done to deserve this cruelty?"

"Just your natural charm Padfoot," James grinned as he made to take a sip-

Evans snatched it away. He was so stunned he stood there with that familiar look of awe for several seconds, it even started to linger longer than usual as she actually smiled at him. There was no mistaking the teasing flirt in her voice. "Ladies first, yes?"

He nodded like a broken seesaw and watched with his heart thudding in his chest as she drank.

Sirius didn't notice, he'd turned back to pick the bottle up and press it to his lips, but froze with the liquid still in the neck of the heavy glass when some instinctive feeling ghosted up his spine as James went rigged in shock.

Remus saw the flash of red hair falling to the floor, his own glass joining the journey as his hand went numb in surprise. The drink sizzled at his feet.

There was no warning. Just a moment. A beat pulsing through the air where every one of them felt something go terribly wrong as they'd all let their guard down.

"Lily!" Frank and Alice shot to their feet long after the damage was done but before the tinkling sound of broken glass registered as the words vanished. James was already on her, trying to hold her steady as he shouted for Madam Pomfrey while she convulsed, her skin was turning blue.

He threw her bag away from her, scattering the contents in all directions as he tried to turn her on her side. None of his healing spells would work on something of this magnitude, he knew even before he tried to get his wand out-

A black streak flew across the room, his foot slid almost gracefully in the mess like an ice skater and he didn't even hear the crunch of glass under him as Regulus' hand shoved the tiny, shriveled brown stone down her throat.

There was a shudder from all eight of them. She gasped, and then went very still.

Regulus looked at each of them as he begged, "that was supposed to work, right? It was a, a bezoar, those are supposed to-"

His voice broke, but Lily kept breathing.

Alice and Frank took charge then, she coming over and gently taking Regulus' hand, promising him he'd done well while Frank called for anyone, "grab Lily's stuff! The bezoar stopped the poison, but she could have other damage going on inside before that kicked in!" He started gently pulling out a bit of her hair as he spoke, as well as ripping the sleeve off his shirt to swab in her mouth. Alice was the one to do that too, passing him whatever he asked while still flashing Regulus proud little smiles as she kept firmly in her mind all their late study practices, Madam Pince kicking her and her boyfriend out while calling for Filch they were up so late, only for them to sneak into the next empty classroom just to make sure she got that answer right. Whoever would have guessed her early Auror training would be used like this.

James finally snapped to attention when he saw this, flying to his feet and smacking into the door, proceeding to pull on it so hard Sirius was surprised not to see the wall shaking as he kept calling to the Matron. Sirius ran over and grabbed him, holding patiently as he remained, "she's not here mate."

"We're at school!" The denial was already leaving him though, James had finally reached his limit. For just a moment it had all faded away except a dream becoming reality to him, Slughorn's parties that he'd only ever attended for her company, those beautiful green eyes shining only on him. "This, this shouldn't be happening!" This wasn't like the Tournament or the Chamber, something other in their life here. This hadn't even happened to Harry, what was Slughorn playing at?!

"I know mate, I know," Sirius hugged him and didn't let go as James started shaking as bad as Lily just had.

They watched in a silent vigil as Frank used up practically all of Lily's stores, none of them really following as the potion began changing colors, but he finally seemed satisfied and tipped a frothy amber liquid into her mouth disturbingly like what she'd just drank. The antidote seemed to level her out the rest of the way, they watched as her rigid body began to relax and as she slumped in true slumber.

Frank picked her up and deposited her on the couch, before closing his eyes and whispering a silent apology. Pomfrey would probably lose her license for doing this, but he had to know if it worked. He drew his wand and tapped her, saying, "Innervate."

She gasped a fistful of air and startled awake almost kicking him in the face, her hand flying up to her throat and nearly falling back off the couch she started coughing so hard.

Alice grabbed her and helped her to sit up while Frank began whispering ardent apologies. "Stop that," his girlfriend scolded. "She can go back to sleep now, you had to check."

Lily was not going back to sleep. Her hand was still over her chest like she'd received an electric shock and there was a silent scream on her lips that had been trapped in her for too long she still couldn't get out as her body betrayed her with every hacking breath.

"You're alright honey, you can breathe," Alice kept rubbing her back and was remarkably using a calm, chatty sort of voice like she saw this every day, never mind she was internally screaming for Lily.

Regulus appeared back at her elbow with a glass of water and said with a completely straight face, "I checked it first."

The Marauders laughed. Frank fought the urge to knock all their heads together as the four of them breathed again for the first time as well. Alice took the glass from him when Lily didn't. Remus banished the mess with a still white face, and then turned with a cruel look in place. With a crack, the perpetrating bottle also went into the magical void of no return.

Peter came up and placed his hand where it had been though with a look of deep contemplation as he whispered, "what happened?"

Nobody answered. All eyes turned back to the book before swimming around every corner of the room, as if to double check no dead bodies from that party would spontaneously appear in here next.

Evans finally cleared her throat, she sounded surprisingly steady for being almost dead a few moments ago. Alice still had her arm around her, Evans was now holding the full glass with one hand but dropped Alice's on her shoulder and clasped Frank's for several moments before saying, "thank you, all of you. Best get on though, I don't want to linger in here." She'd finally stopped shaking, but there was a haunted look in her eyes that may never quite leave again.

The amount of times they'd all almost died left them all with the same ever growing shadow.

"Right, yeah," Longbottom agreed at once. He summoned the book and sat on the edge of the arm rest of the couch, but he was clearly reading out of obligation as he kept checking everything out of the corner of his eye, waiting for the ball to drop as Harry invited Luna to this very party.

James watched her like he still couldn't believe what he was seeing, the sense of surrealness still flooding him as he sank to the floor. He couldn't explain to Sirius' very concerned look as he sat next to him. Remus and Peter walked over and sat down quietly as well. Regulus began pacing the length of the room and biting on his cheek.

The Marauders hated potions. Peter was the only one remotely good at it, and he was no star like Evans and Snape. Slughorn wasn't a bad teacher, but he did play favorites. So long as they didn't explode too many cauldrons in a row, he generally left them alone at the back of the class to ignore what was happening but the bare minimum. James had been able to do nothing to help, the path hadn't even occurred to him. There was no spell he could have done for this.

Why was it hitting him so hard? Their school was supposed to be safe, but students got injured here all the time, it was magic and teenage kids, accidents happened. James knew that, he'd been a part of it; and he'd watched Snape and his Death Eater kind do some horrific things to students.

This wasn't an accident, nor a prank. It didn't feel remotely like a coincidence, Slughorn had just been too involved with Harry this year, and Draco was supposed to be here plotting something. Were they working together, or was Slughorn the victim all along? What was Snape's part in all this, he certainly seemed dissatisfied with something as Harry followed his DADA teacher and rival from the party, and nothing apparently happened except confirmation of what they already knew.

An Unbreakable Vow had been made, but whose life would be the cost?

[sleeplessvalley]

actually you know what. that post reminded me of something and uhhhh

buckle up it's time for me rambling about splat2n stuff (mostly oe) and a bit of something else as well though it won't be getting stated directly.

this has a whole lotta headcanons, and a lot of it is put down in a jumble bc I have adhd and am completely incapable of putting things down in a way that makes sense to everyone else and not just to me. aNYWAYS

I've seen a couple posts from a while ago about how the japanese and the english versions of tartar's dialogue imply different things? something about how like... in the japanese version he actually comes across as having legitimate reasons for wanting to destroy the world and start anew, something something I don't feel like finding the post tbh and it's actually been a bit since I've read it myself so I'm probably not 100% correct on it.

anyways if you've known me for long enough or have been following this blog for a while you'll know that I am OBSESSED with this bastard telephone. to the point that I have about 15 different versions of him and apparently am not showing any signs of stopping.

so, to recap very quickly:

Commander Tartar is an AI created by a human scientist referred to only as "the professor" 12,000 years before the events of Splatoon 2. Its purpose was to pass down all of humanity's knowledge to the next capable species. The professor's intention to do so was to prevent the next intelligent species from repeating the same mistakes that lead humanity to extinction. However, due to spending all those millennia isolated and alone, the AI's thought process ended up going in a different direction.

Commander Tartar initially saw hope in the Inklings and Octarians, but eventually became repulsed by their evolution, needless wars, and fashion obsession, ultimately concluding that they were unfit for its knowledge and reprogramming itself to create a new form of life that would be worthy of its patronage, while annihilating the existing lifeforms on Earth.

taken directly from the wiki, because I am also not in the mood to summarize myself (despite knowing all this very, very well)

honestly? I don't think tartar hated cephalokind.

I think he loved them too much.

think about it for a sec. this is a sentient AI that was created by a professor that didn't want the next lifeforms to become extinct just like humans did. assuming that the professor treated tartar exactly like a fellow human, he went on to spend the next 10,000 years alone. and he had so much time to think.

humans became extinct because of the rising water levels. what caused that? for the sake of sticking with the whole water thing we'll say global warming. what caused global warming? many things, one of the most notable being the burning of fossil fuels in the industry. why does that happen? one could amount it to the industrial revolution. and the industrial revolution also contributed to wars.

an AI that was created to pass on humanity's knowledge would probably also be able to access all these things- and more- whenever it wanted, and 10,000 years is a long time. tartar probably read over so many things so many times and eventually reached his own conclusions about what the best things to tell the next lifeforms NOT to do would be.

and then the mollusc era started. tartar, from wherever he was, was able to watch the mollusc era from the moment it began, was able to watch cephalokind grow and develop at a rate that was equal to how humans developed, was able to have hope for the first time in years.

that hope was gone once the Great Turf War started.

things had been going so well; despite the water levels rising some, cephalokind was flourishing. everyone got along (more or less. someday I might get into salmonid stuff more but that day isn't today) and technology was advancing in ways humanity wasn't able to achieve. and then it hit the point that there was a shortage of land, and war broke out.

tartar spend 12,000 years waiting; 10,000 were spent in complete isolation, 1,900 were spent watching cephalokind grow, and for this I'm going to say that the last 100 years were spent doing all that stuff that happens in the octo expansion (and by this I mean creating the metro, having all those test subjects, agent 8, right up until destruction). honestly if we take the date the og splatoon came out (may 28th, 2015) we can argue that the great turf war is meant to parallel our WWI, especially if the calendar was recreated during the mollusc era because then the dates are... actually eerily similar:

if we take may 28th, 2015 and take away 100 years that gives us may 28th, 1915

WWI started july 28th, 1914, and ended november 11th, 1918

may 28th, 1915 literally lands in the middle of our WWI

I mean COME ON. that's uncanny.

back to my main point: the industrial revolution contributed to wars and also to the burning of fossil fuels, which contributed to global warming, which contributed to rising water levels.

tartar is watching all this happen just like it did to humanity (except slightly out of order), and to make things worse, not only are inklings more concerned with fashion, once the great turf war is over inklings start playing turf war for fun. one could also say that the splatfests are actually worse than turf war, because it forces inklings to pick a side and then fight for it- everyone wins something if they participate, but the losing team also has to accept that the winning team's side is better according to... whatever splatfest law it is.

---

(kind of off-track, but this also kind of parallels something in the great turf war as stated in the sunken scrolls, which I've pulled the summary of from the wiki as well:

[...] and the Inklings' victory over the Octarians was most likely due to their superior number of limbs.

there was another bit to this, but I can't find it. I remember some stuff about this being stated to be propaganda though.)

---

assuming tartar loved humanity, he also grew to love cephalokind for the same reasons (something like how a mother will get attached to the baby growing inside her even if that child is going to get adopted for some reason or other). and he didn't want to see another species go extinct just like humans did. so what does he do? he decides to destroy the world, and start over by finding capable cephalopods and unifying them (the primordial ooze from which the ultimate lifeform will emerge. I think that's how the line went, anyway.) so that it won't have to happen like that

everyone can just... not have to worry about failing to live a long life. everyone can be happy, and have their place in the world, and love one another.

if you think about it all at once? it seems sort of extreme. but also: we're human. if we have a friend going down the wrong path/in trouble or a family member or pet or- I don't know, some material object- we tend to go to extremes to help sometimes. and if you're raised by a human, even if you're different, you might do the same thing

[lifeofroos]

ToN spoilers!!!!!!

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This is the last ‘Nico in therapy (with different drinks)’ I have planned for. Maybe I’ll write more, but I am not sure. The other two chapters are on my AO3! (and somewhere on my Tumblr too). 

This might be crazy chap.3: Strawberry Milk

I had almost forgotten what the strawberry milk carton was supposed to mean when I found it. It wasn’t that I hadn’t thought about my last conversation with Dionysus, but my week had been rather good - it had sunken to the background. 

The milkcarton appeared next to my sword after training. According to my schedule, I actually had to pick strawberries - something I did not really enjoy. I had to give Dionysus credit for how he had planned this session. 

When I arrived at the Big House, Dionysus was standing on the porch. It seemed like he was thinking about something. He even looked a little sad. He shook his head for a moment when he noticed me, as if to throw the thought out.

‘Nico di Angelo.’

‘Sir.’

‘Do you remember our last conversation?’

 I put the straw through my juice… milk carton. 

‘Yes, I did think about our last conversation. About… how there are probably more trauma’s than just… you know.’

He nodded. ‘Is it difficult to say?’

I looked at my carton. ‘I think so. I don’t know why, but...’ I shrugged. 

‘It’s understandable. It will take a long, long time before it will hurt less.’ He shrugged as well, as if to say ‘I am just telling you’ and ‘there is no use in sugarcoating it.’ I shrugged again. ‘Of course…’ I hesitated.

‘I think what you want to say is ‘of course that comment does not help.’’ That was exactly what I wanted to say. ‘...No.’ 

‘Can you tell me about some of the other things - concrete things - that the voices remind you off?’ 

I took a sip of strawberry milk. Just like last time, I was overcome with the thought that it was ridiculous to be telling all of my problems to Dionysus, god of being out of your mind. It took me quite some time before I had gathered myself enough to go on. 

‘... Of course, eh, tartar sauce. You know what I mean.’ He nodded, waiting for me to continue. I had already mentioned Tartarus, therefore it was easier to to tell him again. Now, I had to say something about the other things. Other things like losing Bianca, and seeing her in my dreams sometimes, before she chose to be reborn. Other things like Minos chasing me while I was trying to get her back. My feelings for Percy. The whole mess with Cupid. Losing Jason after all that. Did I have to tell goddamn Dionysus of all people about Cupid and… everything else around that topic? 

I took a tiny sip. ‘I…’ another one. ‘I… you know…’ I took a very deep breath. ‘Bianca,’ I whispered. 

‘That was your sister, right?’ Dionysus’ voice was quieter, more soothing, than usual. I nodded. It felt like I was shrinking. A tear rolled down my cheek. 

‘Nico?’

‘Hzm?’ I sniffed, trying to hold back a sob.

‘I am sorry, but I think it is important that we try to continue. This is a difficult subject, but it is one that needs to be discussed.’

I nodded once. He was right. But another part of me (was it me?) wanted to punch him. Or run away. Or both, at the same time. Yet, I stayed, while more tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. 

‘She chose rebirth. Is that correct?’

Another nod. How did he even know that? 

‘And there was something with king…’

‘...Mi-minos.’ If anybody was going to tell this story, It was me. 

‘I don’t know anything else about it.’ He spoke the truth. I could hear it. I know I said I wanted to tell this story, but now I was not so sure anymore. 

‘I…’ more quiet. ‘I… wanted to get her back.’ It came out softly, but it came out. Dionyus’ shoulders rose a little. He looked as if this brought back memories for him as well. ‘And Minos… ‘helped’ me. Said he did.’ The look of sadness in Dionysus’ eyes changed to something more like ‘of course. It’s Minos.’ ‘Eventually… with Percy, and the others… I… I…’ I waved with my hands, but it was too much. It hurt to think about it. And what did this guy have to do with any of it?

I broke down. Not with a loud scream, but silently. The tears ran down my face, my nose stuffed up and I felt a faint pounding in my head. It took some time for the tears to stop - before I went completely quiet.

I might have been silent for an hour. At some point, Dionysus took a deep breath. ‘Nico di Angelo?’

‘Eh?’

‘What do you think about… getting a therapist?’

I looked at him. But he was my therapist. Who was he talking about? What was he talking about?

‘There is a therapist for demigods in New York. I can bring you there tomorrow. Maybe… it’ll be easier.’ To talk to her than to me. I shrugged. I did not care. Maybe. I felt bad. My head hurt. 

‘I’ll get back to you tomorrow.’

The next morning, I woke up early. There was a box of Minute Maid grape juice on my nightstand. I climbed out of bed and walked out the door, while forgetting to take along the juice box. Dionysus was standing right outside my cabin. ‘Come. You got a free day. We’re going to New York. By car.’ 

I did not say anything while walking towards the car. Will would want me to eat breakfast, but I did not feel hungry. Dionysus did not do or say much. All he did was open the door for me and make another Juice box appear in my cup holder. I did not touch it. 

‘Demigod mental center.’ It made me look up. The drive had taken us... time. How much, I could not tell. I looked out the window. The building was bleak and did not invite me to start feeling hopeful. ‘Ask for doctor Trevorson,’ was all Dionysus had to say. ‘I cannot go in with you. That’s the rules. No gods in the demigod mental health centre.’ Alright, that made sense, I guess. I did not question the fact that Dionysus of all people abided to this rule. 

I felt a lot and I felt nothing at the same time. I just did not know, I really didn’t. I did not know while I was waiting for the doctor and I did not know when he came to collect me. 

The session was a blur. I knew only one thing when I came out of the room: No. I did not want to be treated by doctor Trevorson. And, I was only being honest, I did not think he wanted, or even knew how to, treat me. As soon as the word ‘Tartarus’  fell, it was over. 

Dionysus was waiting in the car, seemingly deep in thought. I wondered whether he had gone anywhere else or if he had just spend all the time waiting. I slipped back into my seat. 

‘How did that go?’

I looked at him. Apparently, that was enough. ‘Than… we have to talk about other options.’ I legit had no idea what he meant. But I was also starting to get sick of not knowing. 

‘You haven’t had breakfast yet,’ Dionysus stated. I shrugged. ‘Therefore, we are going to get you breakfast. Do you have any ideas?’ 

I almost automatically responded with ‘I don’t know,’ but then I remembered that I did not want to not know anymore. Anything was better than not knowing. So I said I wanted sloppily made pancakes with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Good choice, apparently, because Dionysus smiled. ‘Alright then.’

A few minutes later, we walked into a Denny’s. It was questionable whether this was the right place for a therapy session, seeing as how it radiated chaos energy. They did, however, have sloppily made pancakes. Those were a certainty right now, and I was going to hold on to that. 

When we sat down, me with a plate filled with pancakes (and some other stuff - like, for real America, calm down, I only need one meal), Dionysus put a carton of Demeters’ Divine Orange Juice in the middle of our table. 

‘Wait. I first want to eat one of these pancakes worry-free.’

‘Absolutely.’ 

I tasted like sloppily made pancake with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. And I was going to savour every sloppy bite of it. At a while, Dionysus wasn’t even paying attention to me anymore. He was scanning the crowd. I wondered whether he was trying to find out if any Olympians were in the restaurant (is it a restaurant? Can you really call Denny’s a restaurant? They might have more nuanced terms in other languages). 

I put the straw through the juice carton as soon as I had finished the pancake. The sound caught Dionysus’ attention and he turned back to me. ‘So. Let me start off by saying that you do not need to go back there.’

‘Isn’t it a thing that the first session is weird?’

‘For most demigods, that’s what we say.’ Oh, so there are more demigods that went to therapy? How come we don’t know that? ‘But one look at you and I realised that that wasn’t going to do it for you.’

I tore a little bit of pancake off with my hand. ‘So… then what?’

Dionysus gestured at my juicebox. ‘You mean that you keep…’ counseling me? Giving me therapy? ‘...helping me.’

‘Yes.’

‘Fine.’

He looked at me for a moment. ‘That also means that you have to trust me.’

Trust? that goes far, man. I’ll let you council me, but trust? Calm down. ‘Partly.’ 

He did not respond. I took another bite of pancake. Then, I took a deep, deep breath. ‘Shortly after she had died… I kept hearing Bianca’s voice in my dreams. That… also hurt. It is less now, probably because... she is reborn. But now Jason is gone too.’ I felt tears coming up again. My throat closed up. I stared at the pancakes (and other crap) on my plate - I knew I would have never finished it all, but now it felt even more impossible. 

‘There is a lot of old grief. It might hurt to work through that. Yet, it is important that you learn how to cope. That will make your life better. And Nico, you deserve a better life.’ 

‘I’ll… try to learn how to cope. I’ll do my best to do that. Really.’

‘I believe you. And about…’ He stopped. About what? ‘Nevermind.’ 

‘Nevermind what?’ I waited until he made a sign of some sort, but he did not. ‘We’ll talk about it in a future session.’ I wanted to press further, but decided that I either let it rest for now or that he would erase the last thirty seconds from my memory. Slowly, I took another bite of my pancakes. I’d have to stock up on juice boxes, too. I wasn’t about to let Dionysus control when we had an appointment all the time.

(A/N: In The Netherlands, we would call Denny’s a ‘vreetschuur’ or an ‘eettent,’ but certainly not a ‘restaurant.’)

[pbandjesse]

Well I contacted a cobbler and he was very nice but my clogs are not something he can fix because the sole is unusual. I will keep researching to see if I can fix them at least a little bit, but I might just have to replace them again. Sad. The man was very nice though! And that made me feel a little better about everything. I was feeling really anxious about contacting someone. 

Honestly today was a lot of anxiety and I dont even know why. I just feel weird today. I dont feel very good honestly. But I tried. 

I slept okay and I woke up without an alarm. But I felt very dizzy when I got up. So I just laid there for a few minutes. Scrolled on my phone for a while. But I got up eventually. I tried to feel okay but I just sat there kind of sad. 

I went and showered and that helped a bit. James asked me if I wanted breakfast but I didnt. I just wanted to be quiet. I washed my hair again. Got more of the dye out. Fingers are still getting stained blue but thats alright. I liked my outfit a lot today. And I sat with James while he put laundry away and had some of my apple cake from yesterday. 

It came out really good actually. I think next time I will mix the apples in as well, because the recipe has it in layers and that lead to a lot of bites with no apple at all. But the cake part is still really nice. Me and James talked about ways we could improve it for next time and why the orange juice that is usually in it gives it that sort of metallic taste it gets sometimes. Apparently its reacting with the baking powder. So we might try it with cream of tartar. Could be a fun experiment. 

I wanted to do something today. So once things were put away we went to canton to walk by the water. Just the other side this time. It was a nice day. I liked being there but it felt like James was rushing. I dont know why. We talked about maybe walking all the way to the target but my shoes were hurting the bottoms of my feet so once we finished the trail I asked if we could go back to the car and drive there instead. 

We drove up to target. Got some groceries. A few cleaning products. Because I feel like I have to do that every time I am at target. I got a silly little octopus keychain. It was a nice time all things considered.

We drove across the street and went to five guys. While I waited outside at a table I texted Alexi and she finally got back to me. We are having a training class on wednesday and then another possibly next week. So I am slightly employed again!  Still dont know when or if we are doing things in person but its something. And I always like a class. I am a little put off by some of the requirements (you cant multitask, you have to talk at least once? Sir I have anxiety!) but I hope its still good. 

I felt a little more positive after that. And our lunch was very good. I had a nice time with James even if he cant pull himself away from the news on his phone sometimes. As long as Im involved I dont mind to much. 

We headed home after that I laid in bed and watched videos while James played games and read his book in the other room. But it felt quick when it was time for him to leave for work. 

I sort of wanted to nap but I couldnt turn off my brain. And just ended up laying there for a while before I finally got up and tried to work on something. 

I wanted to add side panels to my fluffy sweatshirt and I am super proud of how it came out. I think the cream color looks super nice and its the same type of fabric. I may embroider the hem but for now I am jsut very please at the way the oversized panels came out. 

I also worked on some quilt stuff. Not a lot but some. I wandered around the apartment a bit. But I mostly quilted and was bored by my videos and felt weird. 

I had to stop sewing after a while because my needle got stuck in a large fold in the fabric and I had to spend way to long trying to yank it out and not only broke the needle, I slammed b wrost on the table and I have a sizeable lump on my forearm now. So that was enough of that for the night. 

I had frozen quesadillas for dinner. I played animal crossing. I watched nonsense. And I finally contacted a cobbler. 

I contacted one through email and he got back to me so fast. He was really nice and apologetic. But Im going to see what I can do with some flat sore replacements I got on ebay. But if it doesnt work its okay. I will be sad but at least I tried. 

I am going to go wash my face and wait for James to get home. I am feeling a little nauseous right now. But I hope I sleep well and things feel okay tomorrow. For you all as well. Goodnight everyone. 

[hypnothesis-au]

A Double Act [Part 2]

Hidden for spoilers, go to Part 1 if you haven’t read it yet!

Tartar had hoped this wouldn't be the case… Octavio cared, what an outrageous sentiment! The AI huffed again at this, their internal fans whirring as they attempted to process it. Up to that point, they had done nothing to encourage the idea, truly; if anything, they had been discouraging it with their pointedly spiney and frigid attitude.

Even after the Octarian leaned back and looked away, Tartar stared into the space where his eyes had been, silent and thoughtful. Thinking about it stirred nothing but confusion, and a slight disgust-- but they couldn't tell if it was for an octopus's concern for them, or the realization that they must have done something or slipped somewhere in their constant performance of a front to invoke it… They forgot themself in an impulse of panic, momentarily moving to stand up, to escape this ridiculous scenario, only to forcibly seat themself once again upon acknowledging that they were still perched ungodly high in the air.

"It's… pointless..." They hissed, slowly, fingers twitching as they reached out to grip the bar across the cart and dared a reply. "You're searching for something in me that does not exist. I've spent an immense amount of time operating without any kind of companionship-- I haven't just started requiring it now because you're here, and I guarantee you don't want it from me."

He was looking for something they dutifully shunned and ignored, at any rate. A number of biting insults, cold logic to dismantle his sense of attachment generated themselves quickly, but Tartar swallowed them all back. The last thing they needed was to incite him all the way to rage while stuck together in a small space… Though the statement they settled on couldn't have been considered much better, "Perhaps I can commend your craftsmanship, DJ, because it seems this face you built is convincing enough to fool even its own creator."

Octavio bristled. If he had a drill on hand, he would have begun to dismantle them, there and then. Though, it was likely not even that could prove his point to them, he realized wearily.

The android looked away, sighing once more, ready to end the discussion and leave in the most usual fashion of avoiding the more bitter conflict their interactions tended to inspire. What had been spilled, they could both easily pretend to forget had happened with enough distance between them-- that’s how it always went. Upon this, Tartar finally noticed they were still resting at the peak of the ferris wheel-- it took no effort to analyze that they had been there for marginally longer than the other previous stops. Down on the ground, a small group of carnival workers had gathered around the rides's control panel, some with tools in hand, and appeared to be tinkering with its insides…

Upon the tentative pulling on a lever, the ferris wheel's motors shuddered with effort, but propelled no movement. ‘This has to be a joke.’ Right in time with their observations, high-set speakers placed around the entrance of the attraction crackled to life as an employee spoke into an intercom on the panel.

"Attention folks, we're having some minor troubles with the ferris wheel motors-- nothing to worry about, just hang tight and enjoy the view and we'll be back in business in no time at all!"

… "N-... nO--" they groaned queasily, leaning over the edge slightly in disbelief at the odds, "You've gotta be f[***]ing kidding me."

How long was 'no time at all' going to be?? Far longer than they desired to continue sitting next to their bandmate arguing over the details of their sentience, or giving him any opportunity to pry into their 'emotions'--! Tartar abruptly scanned the distance to the ground, analyzed the data, and spat the conclusion with a panicked undertone, "... I could survive falling that distance."

Would they really go as far as to jump off? Somehow, the idea had suddenly presented itself much more enticing than before.

Octavio’s lidded eyes surveyed the brightly uniformed workers below them. At any other time, Tartar's remark about jumping would have perturbed him, but as things were he was near entertaining the same idea. "Do these questions really call ya out that much, T."

He refused to give them an inch of slack, "Nah, 's not the face. That just makes it easier ta lie. I haven't forgotten what you really look like. Whether yer a literal hot mess, or a glorified metal Barbie, ya still got tha same code, blood, binary d n a… I've seen some of your code, T." His voice softened "It's beautiful. I know that you're capable of emotion. Maybe you don't have everything all figured out… But if we gotta work together anyways, where's tha logic in pushing me away? If you could stifle your pride function for one second maybe you'd see that you can be more." He huffed before they could retort what he knew was on their mind, "Don't. Tell me that you don't need anything more. There's a lotta things people don't need in life, but it makes the days worth livin'." They grumbled at this, quietly, but certainly not unheard. After watching the workers for long enough and decidedly realizing that staring harder would motivate them to repair the ferris wheel no faster, the AI wearily turned back to Octavio as he spoke. As far as Tartar cared, this argument was going nowhere-- clearly he didn’t understand, and wouldn’t take their no as a simple answer-- Octavio pointed towards the sun, it had almost dipped from view, ribbons of hazy red and gold rippling above a black horizon. Wisps of clouds were turning deep shades of violet. "Tell me, what do you see, there."

As he pointed out to the sunset, they followed his gesture with their eyes, forcefully holding their expression neutral aside the unstable twitch of their eyebrow. They failed to see how it related to what he had been saying before-- frustrated, but prepared to change the topic at hand to anything else before it caused them to take any escape they might regret, they humored his question and restated the data as it entered their mainframe. “The sun is going down… It’s 265.48° relative to our location at 7:47:06 pm...”

They glanced back to him, though his expression could imply that more was expected of their answer. Tartar blinked, slowly, using the action to cover their exasperated eye roll and looked to the horizon once again, “There’s also image spectrums registering in #c41400 and #feb301, to name a few. I… don’t know, am I supposed to see something else? That’s all there is.”

Octavio hesitated, second guessing himself. Perhaps they were a lost cause. "Yes," he said gently in Octarian and summoning every ounce of composure he had left, he continued, "That's all the technical terms, facts, of what we're experiencing. But there's something more there than just the facts, Tartar. This sunset, out of the  billions that have come before it, and will come after, is completely unique. Not one has been like it, or will be again." he restrained himself from reaching out to touch them. "And I wanted to spend it with you, here. Do you understand that?" He grit his teeth, knowing they didn't, dreading that they couldn't.

Tartar sighed quietly, no less confused by this explanation than any of his prior expressions. They did understand that nature could hold beauty, having experienced millions of days with nothing else to observe-- but it did little to detract from the point that they were questioning above it all, why he wanted to observe it with them.

"It's my gift to you. No one can replace this moment, or take it from you. This day has been frilling torturous for you, so maybe it didn't turn out like I'd hoped."  Anger had dissolved into misery, frustration an acrid taste in his mouth. "But, there it is." He stared at the point on the horizon where the sun had disappeared, hating it. Despising it because Tartar refused to understand how inexplicably picturesque it was; they could not share in the beauty together.

A sinking feeling gripped the android’s core as they likewise watched the sun disappear alongside their partner. The organic sense of emotion, the idea of friendship, was not a variable they had needed to consider catering to for a long time. They had hoped that with someone as goal-driven and socially isolated as Octavio, they wouldn’t have to. They watched his expression, suddenly more aware than ever of how deeply the idea that it was a possibility had afflicted him. Something akin to sympathy, pity for his disposition as an organic creature stirred in their chest, and they found themself forcing the sensation away once more with a steely control over what they knew they were allowed to feel. This, was not one of those things. They had no desire to waver in their resolve for him, regardless of whatever broken expectations he had come to realize.

The AI opened their mouth to speak, unmoved in their stance on the matter-- and unable to grapple with the impending shame of having them once more reject his friendship, Octavio lifted the safety bar of their bucket. They only managed to get as far as a confused and alarmed shriek, as he rose to his feet; the thrill of the drop below him replacing all other thoughts as he jumped. Their mortified shout was lost in the chorus of exclamations from other shocked ferris wheel riders who also happened to notice the Octarian's fall. In midair, he shifted into an octopus, arms easily catching the overhanging frame. Tartar gripped the sides of the carriage as it swayed from the force of his departure, watching in horror and disbelief as Octavio leapt about the scaffolds of the ferris wheel without looking back to them, until he reached a mesh metal platform, the highest point on the wheel.

Breathless, he morphed back into an Octoling, the wind whipped his clothes, and nipped at his cheeks. He felt much better, freer, out of the little bucket. Invigorated by this freedom, Octavio cupped his hands around his mouth and hollered. He shouted at the sky until his throat hurt. Some of the workers called for him to get down, but he only belted his strong thundering laugh.

"Oct-- WasaA?!?" They sputtered up to him, the shock of his actions nearly jarring them from the habitual use of his stage name, “Oh my c O D?!?! Have you lost your mind???”

"C'mon up Tartar," he said, finally addressing them as he peered down at them between the metal slats, "You can see better from up here, 'n they seem ta be taking their time fixin' this thing."

They placed a hand over their mouth and wheezed a sound that mixed between immense displeasure and aghast amusement. If they had a real heart, it would have been racing. The sight of the DJ throwing himself from a nearly fatal height had done nothing to ease their emotional nausea at the situation, and yet, they couldn’t forget the blatant irony that they had suggested performing the same action out loud themself. At least, going up was a marginally better direction than the outcome of going d o w n . . . Working earnestly to clear the strings of code off their mainframe that had panicked for his safety, Tartar shook their head and stared up at the Octarian in both awe and exasperation at his request.

“I’m. . .n O t .. . going to make it up there, even if I wanted to,” They found they were miraculously out of breath for a machine that didn’t need to breathe upon speaking, “I’m not light or agile enough for what you just did. . . which was absolutely moronic anyways. . . can you please just... get down before you hurt yourself?” Though they doubted he would even begin to acknowledge their pleading, they felt it was worth the attempt while they still had the energy left to protest...

Kneeling on the platform, Octavio peered over the edge at them, his grin wide. "I'm never coming down." He announced proudly, his tentacles waving lazily, "Octocopters can bring me food, I'll get some turntables too, my feet will never touch tha ground again!" he was forced to pause, the icy wind stealing his breath. "Unless!" He shouted down, "You let me carry you up here!" He had expected their protest and had already devised a plan to get them up safely. “Wasa no--” they rolled their eyes at the story as he spun it, resting their face in their palm. Truly, there was no point in arguing with the determined Octarian now-- how he intended to haul a half-ton of machinery to the top of the wheel was beyond them, but by that time, they wouldn’t have put it past him to surprise them. To their common misfortune, he always did.

He turned away from them, and pulled something out of his pocket. He tinkered with the device and pondered their question; why? Why did he strive so tirelessly to touch their soul? So often he saw their face muddled with depression and loathing. Their dull, joyless eyes were branded upon his memory, telling him they simply survived moment to moment. Their aspiration was to accomplish one final goal and nothing more, forever. Octavio shivered, the thought more ink- chilling than the wind. Octavio wrestled his pride. Who was he to command them? Wasn't that their choice to make? Wasn't that part of Octarian code, the honor of a soldier? He grit his teeth against the vices being Shogun had instilled in him.

Boorish, stubborn, impulsive. Inkling. Staring blankly into the darkened sky, Tartar could never cease to note how similar Octavio behaved to the population of squids he so adamantly despised. They almost found the irony of it as humorous as it was appalling, though the thought was always left private, lest they insult him to the highest degree by suggesting the comparison to his face. Still, the truthfulness of this observation always brought them back to wonder just how they put up with him as long as they had been, and how would they manage to do it any longer--

Their musings were cut short, as Octavio landed in front of them with a soft plop, sporting his octo form. "Are ya ready?" The AI started at the rocking motion it sent through their seat once more. Before they could protest, or even question what he meant by whether or not they were ready, they found themself in his arms and launching into the air at high speed. The audio of their following screech distorted into the distinct shrill tone of a vintage telephone ringing-- unable to swallow down the unbridled alarm of the one takeoff that had managed to surpass the terror of any amusement ride they had been forced onto previously, Tartar could only cling to their bandmate for dear life and shout. This was surprising, they had guessed correctly in that regard, but they didn’t find it anywhere within the realm of sane that their parameters of guesswork had considered. Octavio really had lost his mind…!

When their ringtone faded out, they clamped a hand over their mouth to dissuade another uncontrolled scream from ripping through their vocal hardware. Their propulsion through the air slowed as they reached the apex of the jump, their body floating a few inches from Octavio's arms; hanging suspended against a growing backdrop of stars. The moment of weightlessness caught them off guard as they stared wide eyed, into the Octarian’s face-- absolutely carefree, somewhat unhinged…

How did they continue to put up with such an obnoxiously spontaneous individual? His attitude was an unstoppable force, his determination unbreakable no matter how they tried to deter it. He could not be, refused to be convinced they were nothing more than the task they were constructed for-- even if that was all they wished he would see. Was he simply just that headstrong, or was it something else...?

In the moment they could decidedly say, their tolerance could only be for the fact that he wore the attributes of an Inkling far better than any creature they had ever seen. They carried out their own existence with a rhythmic and impassive sense of duty, while he blazed his path with an unseizable passion and assertion to be seen. The difference was as clear as the night was from the day, and at its root it was the reason they knew they had established a partnership in the first place... There in the sky, wreathed with colored lights and a glow that came from an unearthly source; Octavio surely embodied the one thing they were certain they would never truly connect to, feeling alive. That was a spirit untouchable as the wind that whipped past their frame, something they knew they could never break. Not like this.

Their obligatory detachment from life was how it had always been, they accepted this fate, but seeing this truth restated before them in the form of pale violet eyes that knew what it was like to have such a freedom... they allowed the sadness a brief ripple through their system, before forcefully locking it out again. What did it matter? It was a waste of time to grieve the inevitable. They pondered this concept no longer than the short amount of time they spent suspended together midair, before the drop of the arc pushed another mind-numbing shriek from the android’s throat. The landing was as jarring as the departure, and Tartar uttered some only semi-coherent glitched sounds of disapproval as they gasped for air to supply to their coolant system. Nails digging into the fabric of his sweatshirt as they continued to grip him violently and reassess their surroundings, they finally managed a weak, “You’re i n s a n e . . .”

Part 1 >Part 2 Part 3

[telephobos]

Recipe for Tartar-Sauce: A guide to understanding Octo Expansion’s AI.

So we’ve all had some time to enjoy Octo Expansion and it’s amazing story, and I think that enough time has passed for it to be safe to bring up this subject. Let’s talk about a certain AI that’s been causing quite a splash in the fandom lately. I am of course referring to Commander Tartar, the telephone with a love for blending. 

So now you’re thinking “What’s so special about this guy? He’s just an asshole who blended people.” 

Well what if I told you there was more to it than that? What if I told you there was differences in the Japanese and English versions? 

What if I told you that the Treehouse Localization dun goofed? Again?

With the help of my friend @nenilein, who translated these pieces, I’m going to show you the differences between the two Tartars. This is going to be a long read, so it’ll be under the cut. Bring a smoothie with you and get comfortable! 

First, let’s start off by listening to what Tartar has to say in the English version: 

“I am Tartar, an AI construct created 12,000 years ago by a brilliant professor. My prime directive is to pass humanity's vast knowledge on to the next worthy lifeform. 

When your kind became self-aware, I hoped that my long wait was finally over. But as I observed your evolution, I WAS DISGUSTED! You wage war over minor genetic deviations. You obsess over trivial fashion choices. 

And so I created a new prime directive: destroy this world and start anew! From the best and brightest test subjects, I created a sludge of supreme DNA. A primordial ooze from which the ultimate lifeform will emerge. 

Today is the day my vision becomes reality, as I destroy Inkopolis and everyone in it!”

Tartar sounds pretty petty, huh? Well, that’s not quite the case in the Original Japanese version: 

“My name is Tartar… An Artificial Intelligence left behind by the Professor…” (Note: the word “Hakase” can mean both, ‘doctor’ or ‘professor’. It’s usually translates as ‘doctor’ in real life and as ‘professor’ in fiction. Note 2: He uses the sino-japanese, word “jinkou-chinou” for artificial intelligence, rather than the more common Anglicism “ei-ai”, which makes it sound more serious and like ‘hard’ sci-fi, rather than science-fantasy.) "In the 12000 years since I have received my orders from the Professor, I have been continuously collecting data on you fools…” (Note: He uses “Watashi” in Katakana for himself which is the most neutral you can get, and uses “Kisamara” to refer to the Cephalopods, which is an insulting way to say “You all”) “You… Molluskkind flourished with impressive speed,…” “…and finally achieved intelligence none inferior to that which formerly belonged to Humankind.” “HOWEVER!” “Can you deny that all you use it for is to lead pointless territorial disputes among one another!?”

“It is because you fools only live according to your own, fleeting desires.”

“You were supposed to be the seed of a new Humanity which would lead the world to its perfection… That was the purpose of my experiments on you test subjects…”

“BUT YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME! Now, come, NILS Statue!”

“Let us reblend everything and take back the world of the humans that once created us!”

WOW! That’s a world of difference, isn’t it? Tartar has more legitimate reasons to hate these guys. He’s essentially calling out the Great Turf War and the Inkling’s hedonistic lifestyle (another little thing that was left out in the localization).

Now, let’s look at the quotes during the battle. First, English Tartar: 

“Bzrrt... Submit to your destruction. Your time is over, semi-sentient seafood.”

“BZRRT! You will be blended up into the raw material of the new world!”

“B-b-zrrt... This world will be reconstituted, and the professor's dream fulfilled.”

“B-BZRRT... Cease, number 10,008! You cannot hope to defeat NILS!”

“B-B-ZRRT! The time is nigh, NILS! THIS WORLD MUST BE PULVERIZED!”

Alright, and now the Japanese Tartar: 

“GAH…Oh, Mollusks, you should just stop struggling and allow me to reblend you!”

“GAH! I will reblend and reshape you all, so you shall become a part of the new world!”

“Gagah… I will reblend this world and make it into the place the professor wished for…” (Note: He actually absentmindedly trails off halfway through this sentence, but in English this is hard to convey without losing the meaning.)

“Gagah… It is useless, No. 10008! You cannot stop the NILS statue!”

“Gahgah! NILS Statue! The time to reblend is almost upon us!!”

He’s... less rude in the Japanese version. At the very least, I think “Mollusks” is less rude than “Semi-Sentient seafood.”

Now for after the fight! English Tartar: 

“Number 10,008... No test subject has worked so hard to foil my plans...”

“But now you will blend into... the perfect world the professor envisioned.” 

“Farewell, 10,008. Farewell to you and that worthless cesspool of a city...”

“Grrk...! G-g-gaahh!”

“Professor... our reunion beckons...”

“Krrrhhhssshhh...:

And Japanese Tartar: 

“No.10008… You are the first test subject who has gone this far to turn their back on my plans…”

“If that if it how it shall be… then you shall become part of the perfect world the professor wished for.”

“Farewell, No.10008… You shall be reblended, alongside that wretched city!”

“GA…! GAGA…!!”

“PROFESSOR… I SHALL COME TO SEE YOU NOW…”

“BLEEEEEEEENDDDDDD….!!”

As you can see, Tartar has a thing for blending in the Japanese version. He likes to do it a lot... 

So you can see the differences between the two versions already! But as an added bonus, we’ve got some properly translated excerpts of the Famtisu interview to further support our argument here: 

Amano: […] When selecting weapons [in Octo expansion], the one on the very left is always the easiest to use.

Q: When playing, we thought that the recommended (weapons) are always the easiest to use!

Amano: The recommendations are issued directly from Kamabo-Co. (laughs) They are kind of the sort of weapons the institute thought the type of person they wanted to create would be likely to use.

[…]

Q: While we’re talking about the localization, in the Western releases “Neru-sha” became “Kamabo, Co.”, right?”

Inoue: I thought it was a pretty great translation for the name, but we could never have used that in the Japanese version. That would just have been too spoilerlicious.

Satou: Yeah, with a name like “Neru-sha”, it’s ambiguous enough that (Japanese) players won’t realize it’s a reference to blended food or paste right away.

[…]

Q: It may be just a small detail, but we’ve been wondering, what are the Mem-Cakes supposed to look like? Like Fish-Cakes made from paste, or like sculptures made from rubber erasers?

Inoue: I think it’s okay if you just think of them as rubber erasers.

Amano: Agent 8 starts out with Amnesia, but by clearing the tests, they regain fragments of their memories. We wanted the player to be immersed in the way Agent 8 feels as they regain their memories and designed the game accordingly. And, as for why they get the Mem-Cakes… Well, when the test subjects are finally allowed to “enter the promised land”, we all know by now what really happens, and once it comes to this, the Commander of Kamabo.Co allows their Mem-Cakes to be left behind as “Proof that this test subject once truly existed in this world”.

Q: That’s awfully… kind of Kamabo.Co?

Amano: That’s one way to put it. After all, the people of Kamabo.Co aren’t all bad. (laughs)

Q: While we’re at it, where are the Mem-Cakes of the previous 10007 test subjects?

Nogami: Probably in storage somewhere. However, you have to remember that a lot of those people never made it to the end of the test, so the exact number of Mem-Cakes in existence is hard to pin down.

Amano: Iso Padre, who you can find in the subway carts, had to give up after only two stations, remember?

Q: Even so, there’s probably been a lot of test subjects in the past who actually made it to the “promised land”. Did the 4 Thangs have to be put in place again after every single time that happened?

Amano: Exactly. They’re always returned to just where you found them.

Q: Every single time, huh? Sounds like a pain. (laugh) By the way, are the blue, sanitized Octarians you fight in the tests all former test subjects?

Amano: They are beings that have risen from the culture fluid of Kamabo.Co. In the process of sanitization, they have been zombified and lost their sense of self.

Nogami: They were sanitized for the sole purpose of being deployed in experiments by the institute. Once sanitized, they are unsuitable as test-subjects.

Q: So, in other words, they were put where they are solely to act as part of the test environment.

Amano: Exactly.

[…]

Q: There are a lot of spoiler-laden questions we want to ask, but first of all, is the Professor who created Commander Tartar the same person who put Judd into cryo-sleep?

Amano: Yep, the one and same. We’ve got of backstory lore laid out there, but we did leave some hints: For example, when you play Match-Maker Station in the Expansion, the sculpture you are asked to copy is actually supposed to be Judd.

Q: Huh? You mean that thing that looks like a dog?

Amano: You may think it looks like a dog, but it’s supposed to be Judd. It’s supposed to be a hint.

Inoue: Is it really, though? (laughs)

Amano: According to my calculations, that has yet to be made apparent! (laughs)

Q: There are a lot of other things we still have questions about… For example, Commander Tartar called the Test Subjects “The Seed of a new Humanity”, and it’s pretty clear that he was very desperate about getting his experiments right this time, but was Inklingkind itself perhaps also a result of previous experiments?

Amano: No, not really. Inklings and their kind evolved the regular way. The original reason for Tartar’s creation was that his Professor wanted to prevent a future civilization of intelligent life, that might follow humanity after thousands and thousands of years, from making the same mistakes that led humanity to extinction. However, after 10.000 years of isolation, loneliness got the better of Commander Tartar and his thought-processes ended up going a rather odd direction.

Q: I see…

Amano: And then, in the very end, when he finally found a being he considered wonderful in Agent 8, he couldn’t accept it when they wouldn’t understand or share his views and got incredibly angry over it.

Q: So, the reason he acted the way he did was loneliness. By the way, when he was defeated, there was an Octopus tentacle on Tartar. Is he Octarian?

Inoue: Those are the remains of the Octarians he blended. Think of it as similar to the goop he stuck onto Agent 3.

Nogami: That specific one didn’t blend that nicely. (laughs)

So there you have it! You can see just how complicated of a character Tartar is now. It’s more than just “petty reasoning” or “Tartar, that’s what humans did!” like the localization would have you think!

I think that there’s a lot of potential in writing Tartar, and that the fandom could bring out that potential!

[thisislizheather]

January Jewels 2020

I’ve purposely put off writing this monthly wrap-up because, well, christ. January was a terrible month. I don’t need to go into the details of why, but the consensus from everyone that I’ve talked to fully agrees with me on this. What the hell happened? Starting a new decade is supposed to be great. In any case, I’ll always have high hopes for the future. And I’m just thankful to begin a new month. Here’s what went down in the pit that was January 2020.

First things first, I recapped how my 2019 resolutions turned out. Why don’t more people do this? Where’s the accountability in reviewing your past resolutions? They’re not fucking birthday wishes, they’re intentions! More people need to follow through with this, even if the results aren’t what you hoped for.

I made my 2020 resolutions.

I fell absolutely in love with this sketch.

I did two podcasts with Nathan - one where we talked about the pope incident and one where I absolutely scream at him about Hillary.

I read Jenny Slate’s new book as well as a tiny little book about how to live a good life.

I ended up buying another J. Crew swimsuit (the same one I bought a few months ago, but this time in red) and I have no regrets.

In love with Trader Joe’s (dairy free) coconut whipped cream, I can’t stop using it in hot chocolate.

I rewatched (or watched for the first time, I truly can’t remember) The Staircase and it’s so good. I’m pretty sure Marla got me MP3 copies of this years ago and I did watch it, but I completely forgot about it in detail. Such a good watch. If you’ve already seen it, do you know about the owl theory? It’s a wild one, but, like, I think an owl did it now?

I’ve been using a small bottle of OUAI’s Wave Spray and if I can figure out how to not overspray it, it’s a great product. Once you use it though, your hair only looks good that day. After you sleep on it, your hair looks like shit. (Is that true of all hair products? I have absolutely no idea.)

Bought this Banana Republic top for $13 on sale and I love it because it does not feel like it cost so little.

I don’t know if it’s a Canadian brand but I have found a wicked alternative to Dollarama: Buck or Two. I went to one in Brampton and they’ve got everything.

I watched most of the SNL with Jennifer Lopez and wow did it suck. 99% of the sketches were basically “She’s pretty. That’s the joke.” Fucking hated it. They do this a lot of the time with certain actresses and I can’t ever tell if it’s because the actress loves doing these sketches or they’re afraid she can’t be funny. Whatever the reason is, blow my brains out, please.

I went to the Ear Inn in the city and it was lovely! Super old place. Service was great. Burger was great.

I went to Glossier with the intention of buying the cheek stain and then decided against it. It’s not a good product. I literally pinched my cheeks and got a better rosiness.

I came across probably my favourite winter children’s book of all time, The Snowman by Raymond Briggs. Look at one page of this magic.

I was so happy to hear about this matter finally being settled in New York.

I went to The Dutch again for Restaurant Week for their steak tartare and it’s just heaven on a plate.

I rewatched the great What Lies Beneath and man, it’s still just such a great movie.

As you may have heard, Papyrus is going out of business, so I’ve popped in twice to see what the closing deals are and they aren’t worth it yet (only 30% off! C’mon! I won’t get out of bed for at least 60%), so I’ll keep stopping in every so often until they’ve become desperate.

Love this part of a recent SNL (below). (If you can’t see it in Canada, search for “white male rage SNL.”

I finally went to Boulud Sud for their pasta happy hour and man was it not worth it. The place has a terrible setup if you’re sitting at the bar, the food was absolutely nothing special and had ridiculous portion sizes. It’s also a bad sign when the bread is tastier than the entree. Super disappointing.

I tried on the bras and underwear from LIVELY in Soho and even though it’s priced reasonably, I couldn’t find anything I loved. I have a feeling that I could be into it though, so I’ll go again sometime in the future for sure.

I’ll forever love the lunch special at Pil Pil on the Upper East Side. I know I probably bring this up too much, but man. Love tapas.

I can’t stop buying sunglasses for sale at ALDO. And I won’t.

I finished season one of The West Wing and it was really good. I keep forgetting about it, but I should stick with it. People, like, loved that show, didn’t they?

I started using Sol De Janeiro’s Bum Bum Cream… on my butt. That’s what it’s for, no? So far, I mean… it feels smooth? It’s not at all greasy, which I like. Seems weird to have a cream just for your butt, but who am I to criticize.

Ate the fish tacos at Summer Salt and they’re good! It’s insane and great that they sell margaritas at a fast casual place, too.

Very into this Pat McGrath mascara that I got as a Sephora reward.

Love this Wells For Boys sketch (below) from a few years ago that I just saw for the first time (thanks for showing me, Irene!)

I haven’t been there in years, but I went to Sweet Afton for happy hour in Astoria the other day and had the pickle martini which actually wasn’t terrible. Love that place.

Tried the lunch burger at Peter Luger finally! And yes it was a good burger (love that they use American cheese and the bun was very good even though it's not a potato bun). Steakhouse burgers are always hard for me to rate since a steakhouse burger is a real *entree* unlike the regular, everyday burgers that other places have which are not as big and overwhelming. An everyday burger is easy to rate since it's either great, overrated or shit. A steakhouse burger has nuances, how juicy is too juicy? How's the quality of the meat? What are the ideal toppings? Should someone shoot me for my extensive burger thoughts? Yes.

I went to see a free orchestral performance put on by Julliard at Lincoln Center and it was great. It reminded me so much of going to my brother Gary’s recitals when I was a kid, just loved it.

Had dinner at Portale. The pasta was insane. This place might be a rival for L’Artusi! Dare I say it! Every bite was phenomenal. MUST return. (Noteworthy: it also just got two stars in the Times.)

LOVED this piece about Ricky Gervais and the Golden Globes. Favourite line: “The least risky thing in the world is announced apathy.“

Maybe you don’t know this, but 90% of post offices in the U.S. have bulletproof glass between the workers and the customers. It’s obviously because awful things have happened, but I’ve been going to this one post office in the city on 23rd street that doesn’t have the glass and the workers are SO MUCH MORE PLEASANT. I wish all locations were like this one. Just a thought.

Just bought another one of these UNIQLO shirts that I love in dark grey.

Every January I make sure to:

Mark down all holidays/birthdays/anniversaries (Valentine’s Day, Daylight Saving Times, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving)

Check expiration dates for passport/license/health card/insurance and write down any important renewal dates

I’ve watched the first two new episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and it fucking blows. There was only one thing I laughed at (when a server thought Larry was “oggling” her but he was really just keeping an eye on her tray with pigs in blankets) but OTHER THAN THAT, what a piece of shit season so far! I fucking hated the part in one episode where he videotapes the consent given between him and some woman as they’re making out. ALSO, and this has happened a few times over the seasons, he’s recycling fucking Seinfeld jokes. FROM THE SHOW. Talking about when it’s too late to get “Happy New Year-ed”? Are we kidding here?! Fucking lazy as hell. I might just stop watching.

I watched the new Taylor Swift documentary on Netflix and it’s really good. Even if you have zero opinion on her, I really liked it. (It also introduced me to this great song.)

Things that I’m looking forward to this month: seeing a Raptors game at Barclays Center, finally sitting down and watching season two of Shrill in its entirety, reading Joan Rivers’ book Enter Talking and and maybe going to another Restaurant Week lunch before the end date. February, please oh please don’t be as terrible as January.

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in December over here!

[silverfootstepswrites]

Butterfly [45]

summary It’s not exactly point a to point b...

“Well.... I’m not... hm...” Sakura trailed off as she really considered the question. She reached across the table. Kiba turned the bag of chips around so she could dig a few pieces out. He opened his mouth before her hand could retreat. She stuck one in his mouth before her hand returned with the rest of her chips.

“Inuzuka-san?” 

“No way,” Kiba said right away, still chewing. 

“Not even for 100,000,000 yen?” Sakura pressed. 

“Hell no,” Kiba said to that. 

“Okay. Nara-san?” Itachi went on to ask. And Shikamaru sat cross-legged, cushion hugged to his chest as he thought everything over. 

“That’s... I’m out,” sighed Shikamaru, giving a little shrug. 

All eyes fell on Sakura. She plucked a chip out of her palm and took her time biting it in half. She looked up as she weighed the options.

“How many worms are we talking about? Also, am I required to chew them or can I just gulp them down like medicine? Because that wouldn’t be so awful,” Sakura asked.

“Gross!” “Haruno!” Kiba and Shikamaru complained in unison. 

“Have you had lunch yet?” 

Sakura tucked her left hand into the pocket of her jacket, the one that wasn’t holding her phone. Her duffel bag banged against her right hip with every other step. She twisted her wrist to check the time. 

“No. I was just on my way home to cook something,” she replied. 

“I accidentally got extra-hot curry when I went grocery shopping. Do you want to try it with me?” asked Itachi. She laughed.

“You just want someone to suffer with you,” she accused.

“Yes,” he said right away. 

Sakura considered his offer for a movement. While a free meal was always tempting, she recalled the chicken breast she had left thawing in the sink. She let out a sigh. 

“Promise not to laugh at me?” she asked.

Itachi stood in her kitchen with her. His hand on his hip as he paged through the cookbook Shizune had taken such meticulous notes in. On some of the pages, she had even drawn little diagrams in the margins. Like how to hold food when chopping it.

“Why did you think I would laugh at you?” Itachi inquired, glancing over at her. Sakura crossed her arms across her chest. 

“I don’t know,” she replied. 

Itachi leaned his forearm on the counter as he held her gaze. “I wouldn’t,” he told her. She managed to look him in the eyes for a couple seconds before she broke eye contact. Clearing her throat, she crossed the kitchen to flip to one of the pages she had marked. 

“I’ve been trying to get through two or three a week,” she explained. She went back a few pages. “Fried rice was an utter disaster. I did yakisoba the other day. It was.... food-like...” As she spoke, Sakura was very aware of the fact that Itachi was looking at her and not at the recipes. 

“So what’s the menu for today?” asked Itachi. 

“Oyakodon,” she replied, flipping to the next page. 

He took some time reading through the list of ingredients and then the steps. He touched his thumb to his lower lip, mouthing some of the words as he went.

“This doesn’t sound too difficult,” he finally commented. 

“That’s what I thought about the fried rice,” Sakura sighed. Itachi smiled as he looked up at her. 

“How about this? Try your best to make some delicious oyakodon. And I’ll make my extra-hot curry. It’ll be back-up,” he suggested, holding up the box of instant curry roux. And then, looking at the box, Itachi added, “I’m really hoping you succeed. Because I’m kind of afraid to eat this.”

Sakura did some digging in one of the cabinets to find an extra pot Itachi could use. In the process, she found an apron. Blue with white ties. Sakura set it in her lap, recalling how her dad looked wearing it. Standing right next to her mom, their backs to the door. Mom chopping scallions while Dad peeled potatoes. 

“Do you use these cutting boards for different foods?” asked Itachi behind her. 

Sakura got to her feet, holding out the blue apron to Itachi. 

“Here. You don’t want your clothes to get dirty,” she told him.

But Itachi wasn’t looking at the apron. He was looking into her eyes. Cutting boards still held up in front of him. 

“Are you okay?” he questioned.

She felt herself smile a little. “Yeah. Promise.”

The oyakodon was a failure. She undercooked it the first time, so they stuck it back on the stove. What emerged was a dry, bland catastrophe deemed unfit for human consumption. Itachi’s curry singed the inside of their mouths instead. They tried drinking water and then milk. Panting and fanning their mouths as their tongues continued to burn. The afternoon ended with them running to the convenience store to buy ice cream. 

“Your lips are red,” Sakura laughed as they left the store. 

“So are yours,” he retorted, smiling just as hard. 

Itachi was back the following day when she tried udon. The noodles ended up being somehow soggy and undercooked at the same time. Sakura and Itachi alternated between giggling and making faces as they somehow managed to get through their bowls. 

“I don’t think udon is supposed to be crunchy,” she commented. 

“At least you didn’t burn the noodles,” he tried to comfort her. 

On Tuesday, Sakura bravely attempted to make omurice. 

“This egg didn’t deserve this,” Sakura whispered, poking at the blackened crust. 

“I feel like we should light incense for it,” Itachi agreed in a solemn voice. He mimed praying for the egg’s soul. Sakura burst out laughing as she dumped the food in the trash. 

On Saturday, Kiba sat at the kitchen table, squinting at the both of them as they bent over the cookbook. Akamaru lay at his feet like a lumpy shag carpet. 

“How have neither of you gotten food poisoning?” he wondered out loud. 

“Dumb luck,” Shikamaru retorted, sitting at the other side of the table. 

As Sakura and Itachi read over the recipe, Shikamaru waved his hand in Kiba’s direction. When his friend didn’t notice, Shikamaru picked up a chopstick and threw it. It hit Kiba on the arm. 

“You know, maybe I should only cook stuff that doesn’t require actual cooking,” Sakura mused. 

“Like sashimi. Steak tartare,” Itachi suggested. They chuckled together.

Behind their backs, Shikamaru pointed at the door. 

‘We should go,’ he mouthed. 

‘But I’m hungry,’ Kiba mouthed back. Shikamaru threw the other chopstick at him. 

‘Let’s go!’ Shikamaru mouthed.

“Go where?” Itachi asked out loud. The two men jolted. They looked up to find Itachi looking over his shoulder at them. Sakura was still engrossed in the recipe. 

Shikamaru’s gaze darted to Kiba, who was absolutely frozen. 

“Uh... the convenience store. For snacks,” answered Shikamaru. He gave Kiba another look. 

“And I think I’ll take Akamaru for a walk. He looks like he really has to go,” added Kiba. Akamaru yawned.

“Great. Could you pick up some beer while you’re there?” Sakura requested. Her head popped up over Itachi’s shoulder. Just in time for her to glimpse the odd looks on her friend’s faces. She watched them scramble to grab their wallets and phones before they hurried out of the house. 

“Was it just me or were they being weird?” asked Itachi as he pulled out a cutting board and handed a knife off to Sakura.

“They’re always weird,” Sakura replied.

When the duo returned, dinner was finished. A slightly-charred teriyaki that actually sort of tasted the way it was supposed to.

As the days in January passed, the residents of Konoha began to see the decorations going up. Red and pink hearts in store windows. Banners that urged people to buy chocolates and other gifts. Genma’s bar advertised half-priced drinks for single people on February 14th. 

“I got an idea. Let’s go around throwing rocks at couples for Valentine’s Day,” grumbled Kiba. Shikamaru tossed a pillow across the room, hitting him in the back of the head.

“You’ll go to jail, you idiot,” he pointed out.

And then they both looked at Itachi. 

“So,” Kiba said. 

It took a moment. And then Itachi looked up from his phone. “Me?” he asked.

“What’re you going to do, Uchiha-sensei?” Shikamaru inquired. 

“About what, Nara-sensei?” asked Itachi in return. There was no sarcasm in his voice. That made Kiba’s eyebrows jump up. 

“About Valentine’s Day, my dude,” Kiba chimed in. 

Itachi looked back down at his phone. 

“I hear Genma-san is doing discounted drinks. We should go to that,” he replied. 

“You’re not going to ask Haruno to do anything?” Kiba blurted out.

Itachi fumbled with his phone. It slipped past his fingers, clattering noisily across the floor. Shikamaru and Kiba both eyed the phone for a moment before they looked at Itachi. 

“You meant like the four of us. All hanging out together, right?” said Itachi. 

“No. Like you two. Candles,” Shikamaru spelled out for him. 

“Sharing one long piece of spaghetti,” added Kiba. 

Shikamaru looked at him. “You’ve been saying that since we were kids. Is that a fetish or something?”

“No, dude! It’s from that movie. With the two dogs!” Kiba retorted.

“Don’t watch that movie so much. It’ll make Akamaru sad. Since he’s single too,” chuckled Shikamaru. Akamaru’s ear twitched at the sound of his name.

Kiba saw Itachi’s phone still sitting on the floor. It reminded him of the original topic of the conversation. When he picked it up to hand back to Itachi, they saw that Itachi had gone a little pale. He sat with his hands folded in his lap. Kiba placed the phone on the coffee table. Ever-polite Itachi didn’t even thank him. 

“Uh... you alright?” Kiba queried. 

There was a long pause. And then Itachi let out a deep breath. 

“Has it been that obvious? That I like her?” Itachi questioned.

“Yeah.”

“Nope.”

He lifted his chin. 

Kiba laughed a little. “I had no idea. This guy figured it out right away, though,” he said, jabbing his thumb at Shikamaru. 

“Do you think she knows?” Itachi worried. 

“She’s almost as dense as Inuzuka. I doubt it,” Shikamaru snorted. Kiba began nodding before he stopped. He turned to glare at Shikamaru, who only shrugged in response. 

“So what’s the plan?” Shikamaru questioned. 

“Plan?” Itachi repeated. He squeezed his hands together. “Any advice? You’ve known her forever, right?” 

Kiba scratched his chin. “She’s a girl.... I dunno. Flowers?” he mused. 

“Chocolate?” Shikamaru suggested. 

Then Kiba shrugged as he confessed, “Nara’s never even had a girlfriend before. And I haven’t had one in a while. We’re probably not the best people to ask.” He reached across the coffee table to put his hand on Itachi’s shoulder.

“But good luck, dude,” he concluded. 

“We’re screwed,” Shikamaru sighed, turning onto his side.

“Where’re Dumb and Dumber?” asked Haku. His eyes darted all around the computer screen. Sakura smoothed the sheet mask over her face. She made sure that the holes for her eyes and mouth matched up before she rubbed the rest of the essence into her neck. 

“Not here,” replied Sakura. And then she leaned back in her chair. 

“So you withdrew from Four Continents?” she then inquired. 

“Yeah. I think I’d be too tired to do that and Worlds too,” Haku told her. She didn’t protest. He knew his own limits best. 

They chatted about other things instead. About how training had been and how their coach was doing. And of course, Haku caught her up on all the gossip. Including who was injured, who was changing coaches, and things of that nature. 

“And get this, he said that he would consider doing pairs if you were his partner,” Haku said. 

“Please. He’s so tiny. I’d have to lift him,” Sakura retorted. She peeled her mask off, rubbing the leftover into her skin as she spoke. 

“Is that the one I sent you?” Haku inquired. She glanced down at the packaging. 

“Yeah. It smells really nice,” she commented. Haku grinned. 

“We use almost all the same skincare products. Someone’s gonna notice that we smell alike one day,” he warned. Sakura rolled her eyes.

“What reporter is going to come up to you and first thing start smelling you?”

“Some of those reporters are aggressive. It could happen!”

They laughed at the very idea. As Sakura tossed the used mask into the trash, her phone began buzzing. The name flashing across the screen killed her laugh mid-breath. 

“What?”

“Uh... I should take this. You okay hanging out for a bit?” Sakura asked. Haku nodded, eyes following her as she walked out of the room. 

Lifting the phone to her ear, Sakura swiped her finger across the screen.

“Hello?” she said.

“You’re going to be so angry with me. So I’m sorry in advance,” Kimimaro warned her.

Sakura let out a long breath, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers. 

“What did you do? Tell me,” she ordered.

End Part 9

[themutantunderground]

Let Your Heart Be Light Ch. 8

John is home on leave from the Marines and Clarice is home on winter break from grad school. While they used to date in high school, Clarice and John haven't been together in a long time... But it's Christmas time, and it seems like everything and everyone in their small, holiday-obsessed hometown is trying to get them back together. Modern Thunderblink AU!

FF.net | Ao3

"You've got a coffee problem."

"No. I don't."

"Do toooooo," Norah said, letting her voice travel up the scale and down as she leaned against the doorway of the kitchen. "Clarice, come on. That's your second cup of coffee, and you're going to get another one. You've got a problem."

"Hush, you'll wake up Mama D and Karl. Besides, I'm prepping. I'm not falling asleep in the truck," she mumbled into the travel mug, both her hands wrapped around it like it was a lifeline. Not again, she wasn't going to nap during the ride up to the tree farm. She shouldn't have fallen asleep last night, but she had been super tired. Even if she had to drink enough coffee to give herself a heart attack, she wasn't going to conk out in John's truck again.

Clarice shuffled over to the coffee pot and dumped the rest of it into the travel mug. It still dark outside the kitchen window. When she had said the butt crack of dawn, she had hoped that, you know, it would actually be dawn. Instead the sun hadn't even started to peek over the horizon yet.

"Damn John's early mornings," Clarice grumbled to herself, rubbing the corner of her eye. Even with all the coffee and extreme determination, she was worried she would be asleep before they got out of Westchester. She wasn't running on much sleep.

When she turned back toward Norah, her little sister pointed at a glass jar on top of the fridge. "I heard that."

Clarice narrowed her eyes at Norah and dipped a hand into her pocketbook. She scrambled around in the abyss that was her bag until she found a quarter. Holding it up to prove that it was, in fact, a quarter, she headed over and went up on her tiptoes to get the swear jar down. She plunked the coin in and set the jar on the counter for easier access. She was home and Remy and some of her other foster siblings might be home within a few days, so it was a good idea to keep the jar in reach.

Lights flashed through the living room windows as someone pulled up to the house, and Norah jumped toward the door. "They're here!"

"Yeah, I see that," Clarice said. She turned off the lights and grabbed her bag and a jacket before following Norah out the front door. John's truck wasn't the only vehicle at the house. There were two more, a small hybrid car and a Jeep Wrangler, both of them idling in the quiet street. Clarice held up a hand against the headlight glare as she and Norah headed over to get into the truck.

"It really is a party," she said as she climbed into the passenger's street, automatically putting her travel mug in the cup holder. There was already a mug there, a dark blue one with a Marines symbol on it.

John gave a half-smile. "You could call it that."

In the backseat, Norah was buckling herself in while Riley jabbered at her, the two of them excited about going to the Christmas tree farm. Riley was already talking about getting a giant tree, which made Clarice wonder how they were going to convince her that an eight foot tree was just as good as a monstrous twenty-footer.

"Are we going or what?" a voice crackled, "I saw Clarice get in, let's go. Damn, you're slow."

Clarice looked down at the handheld radio that was laying on the console, recognizing the cranky voice. Also, she recognized the radio. "Oh my god, these still work?"

"They're well-made," John said as he picked it up. "We're going in just a minute. Seatbelts are important."

Clarice reached over and plucked the radio out of his hand. "That's right, Lorna, don't you care about safety?"

"Hey, wandering traveler," Marcos' voice responded. She could hear Lorna cussing her out in a friendly, warm tone in the background. "How's it going?"

"Fine, just wondering why we're going old school with communication today," she said. She turned the radio over in her hands, running her thumb along a series of scratches in the hard plastic surface. That was from when it had accidentally fallen out the window one summer when they had been going to the lake. Luckily it had only hit the road and gotten scratched instead of falling under the tire. Even though these were hardy, there was no way it could've survived getting run over. John had gotten them for his birthday when they were sophomores back in high school. They were…ancient.

"Because old school works where phone signals don't," John said, taking the radio back from her. He pressed the speaker button. "Is everyone ready?"

"Obviously," Lorna replied.

The other response was a garbled mess of static and arguing. Clarice could pick out James' voice along with a few others, so she guessed it was the Jeep Wrangler crew. Most likely to not know how to work a handheld.

"James," John said, "You there? Or do I have to text you…"

"Here," James finally said, sounding exasperated. "This is dumb, over."

"You don't have to say over," John said as he put the truck into reverse.

"We're using radios, so we're using radio lingo," James said, "Over."

"That's stupid," Lorna put in, "Don't be a brat."

James' tone became lazy. "Are you done talking? You didn't say over so I can't tell. Over."

Clarice smothered a smile at John's longsuffering look as Lorna and James started bickering over the radio. Lorna and Marcos had always liked to tease James mercilessly when they were younger, and it seemed like things hadn't changed. James, for his part, always gave as good as he got.

"John, can we listen to Christmas songs?" Riley asked, "Maybe for part of the way there? Or all the way? We've got lots of hours."

"You would think it was Christmas or something," Clarice said, giving the little girl a grin. Riley beamed back, all bright-eyed and excited. She still had that little-kid love for the holidays, and it was sort of infectious.

John changed the radio station, switching it around until 'Frosty the Snowman' started playing. "Is this okay?"

"Yep, thanks!" Riley said, kicking up feet up onto the console. She had gotten her shoes off already and her little socks had reindeer all over them. Norah's feet joined hers a couple moments later, though she had normal purple socks.

"Five bucks they'll be asleep in thirty minutes," Clarice said.

"That's a bad bet," he replied with a small smile, "You're almost entirely guaranteed to win."

"We won't fall asleep," Riley protested, "We're awake."

"We could drink their coffee," Norah said with a laugh, "Then we'd be super awake."

"Can we have your coffee?" Riley asked, tapping her foot against John's arm. He reached over and squeezed her toes, getting a laugh out of her. She tried to pull her foot back, but he grabbed her foot and kept it in place.

"You don't need coffee, you've got enough energy for all of us," John said, shaking her foot, "You're the last person on this planet who needs coffee."

"But you just said I'd go to sleep!" Riley protested. She leaned forward and pulled at his arm, trying to get him to release her foot. "I need it."

"You need a nap? I wholeheartedly agree."

"I'm so confused," Norah said, "Are we sleeping or not sleeping?"

"Sleeping," John said.

"Not sleeping," Riley said at exactly the same time.

Clarice leaned back in her seat as the girls argued with John and he fought back with a playfully stoic expression, his eyes bright with amusement. He liked teasing his baby sister, and it was easy to see that she loved it too. There was something extra cute, she supposed, about seeing big, tough Marine John playing with his little sister. She had always thought that was sort of adorable how much he cared about his younger siblings and didn't care who knew how much he loved them.

They stopped briefly at a gas station on the outskirts of town to fill up and get snacks for the long ride. Clarice was immediately side-tackled by Lorna the moment she got out of the car and she flailed a little, caught off-guard by Lorna's baby belly.

"Wow, swallow a basketball, buddy?" she asked as she hugged Lorna back. Lorna wasn't terribly affection, but it had been a long time since they had seen each other. A somewhat violent hug was only natural.

Lorna socked her in the shoulder. "A beach ball, you ass," she said with a grin.

It was definitely weird seeing Lorna pregnant. If Clarice had chosen any of her friends to be the literal Mom Friend, it wouldn't have been Lorna, but she knew Lorna would be an awesome mom, complete with ripped jeans and combat boots. "Is Marcos completely smothering you?" Clarice asked, looking over at her childhood BFF. He was busy fending off Riley and Norah, who had gotten out of the truck and wanted to help gas up the vehicles. He gave Clarice an absent wave and went back to trying to keep the kids away from the pump.

"Pretty much," Lorna said, "But he means well."

"Always does," Clarice said. Marcos was a complete teddy bear, but she could see how he might turn into a worry wart when it came to Lorna's pregnancy.

"He hasn't wrapped me up in bubble wrap yet, which I'm thinking is a good sign," Lorna said with a smirk.

"Give it time," Clarice said.

Lorna laughed. "Hey, brats, let's go get candy!" she yelled. Norah and Riley looked at each other and then headed over toward Lorna.

Riley slipped her hand into Lorna's as they headed toward the convenience store. "Can we have coffee?"

"Heck no," Lorna said, "But you can help me find some salt and vinegar chips and peanut butter."

"That's an awful combo," Clarice said, and beside her, Norah wrinkled her nose.

"It's not my weirdest craving," Lorna said, "Have you ever tried those pizza-flavored Combos dipped in tartar sauce? It's amazing."

"That's…beyond disgusting," Clarice said.

In the store, James and his friends were stocking up on candy and snacks like they were going camping for a week in the wilderness instead of a day trip to a tree farm. There were four of them besides James, and Clarice recognized the little blonde that James liked so much.

"Hey!" Ali called to Clarice and Lorna as James held a packet of M&Ms out of her reach, "Morning!"

"Hey, Ali," Clarice said. She had babysat Ali some back when they were much younger; her dad had been overprotective and hadn't let Ali stay home alone until she was at least fourteen.

Riley and Norah disappeared into the shelves, probably looking for something extremely sugary. While the others picked out snacks, Clarice went to the refrigerated section. Absently, she grabbed a couple drinks and then rushed through the snacks section, collecting the girls as she went. Outside, Marcos was pushing the horn on the hybrid, so it was making plaintive little beeps to encourage everyone to hurry. The teens jostled each other as they bought way too much food and then hurried out the door, heading back to the Jeep.

"Riley, Norah, let's go," Clarice called as she headed to the check-out, stepping up behind Lorna. The dark-haired woman had an armful's worth of snacks spread out on the counter. Clarice raised an eyebrow and Lorna frowned at her.

"Don't comment on a pregnant woman's snack choices."

"I wasn't going to," Clarice said, allowing herself a grin. "I didn't say a word."

"You had a look."

"What, now I'm not allowed to have a look?"

Lorna jostled her with her elbow. "You know what I mean."

"I'm just saying, you have Ho-Hos and vinegar chips." Clarice reached over to touch the items she had mentioned, which made Lorna brush her hand away.

"It's a surprisingly good combination," Lorna said. She paid for her food and headed outside, two plastic bags hanging from her elbow.

The two girls raced up to the counter, both of them carrying more candy than Clarice was willing to buy. "We're not…is that an entire container of Reeses?"

"It's important," Norah said, "We need protein."

"Then get some jerky," Clarice said, taking the little carton from Norah. She set it on the counter, a little embarrassed by the exasperated look the sales clerk gave her. "Sorry." Neither of the girls looked very apologetic.

The bell over the door dinged as Clarice finished paying for the snacks that she was actually going to buy, and Riley shot over to John as he stepped into the store. "Clarice won't feed us."

"She's not obligated to feed you, squirt," he said as he reached down and ruffled her hair. He looked up at Clarice. "But it looks like she bought you stuff. Unless you're eating all of that on your own?" He smiled at Clarice, and she couldn't help but smile right back. An actual, true smile from John was something of a rarity.

"Yeah, this is all mine," she said, holding the bag close, "You guys can get your own."

Automatically the kids started complaining about how that wasn't fair and how they were going to starve and how it was too early to be mean to them. John laughed and hushed Riley before glancing around the store.

Clarice headed for the door, pausing beside him. "It's okay, I got yours, too. Coke, pork rinds, and sunflower seeds, right?" His tastes couldn't have changed that much, right? "Oh, and a reheated sausage biscuit."

John stared at her, and Clarice shifted from foot to foot, suddenly rethinking her actions. "I can put it back…"

"No, sorry, that's great," he said, shaking his head as if clearing it. "Thank you."

"No problem," Clarice said, wondering if she had made things weird. Luckily, John broke up any awkwardness by grabbing Riley and tossing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before taking the plastic bag from Clarice. Marcos was beeping the little hybrid's horn again, and John smirked as they all headed out.

"That is the sorriest excuse for a horn I've ever heard."

"Right?" Clarice said, grinning, "It sounds like its crying every time he hits it."

"I think it's sort of cute," Norah said, "Like it's saying 'eh,' 'eh,' 'eh.'"

"Or meh, meh, meh," Riley said, and both the girls giggled.

Once everyone got back on the road, it was about an hour down the road before the girls fell asleep in the backseat. John turned down the Christmas music as he glanced up at the mirror, making sure they were both out.

"Took longer than expected," Clarice said. She took off her coat and tossed it over Norah before snagging John's coat from behind his seat and draping it over Riley. The seven-year-old snagged the coat and snuggled up to it, halfway hiding under it.

"I'm surprised you're still awake," John said, glancing over at her.

"Eyes on the road," she said, making a face at him. "I drank coffee. I'm prepared."

"Must've been a lot of coffee," John teased.

She reached over and gently socked him on the shoulder. "It's none of your business."

John smiled and turned his attention back to the road. Behind them, the teenagers were following along in the Jeep and right behind them was Lorna and Marcos' hybrid. They were a little troupe heading down the road, enjoying the crisp morning now that the sun was officially out. However, some clouds in the distance made it look like the sunshine might not last.

"Is it supposed to snow today?" Clarice asked, briefly pressing her nose against the window. Fog clouded the window and she rubbed it away with her sleeve, pulling the end up over the palm of her hand.

"There's a chance," John said, "But it could happen."

"That'd be nice and cliché," she said, "Cutting down Christmas trees in the snow."

"Hey, I like this particular cliché," John said with a small smile, "Don't insult it."

"I didn't say I didn't like it," she replied. She reached for her bag and fished around for her phone, eventually finding it. After taking a short vid of the sky and blasting it out on Instagram, she set the phone on the dash.

The two of them settled into a comfortable silence, and Clarice reached over to turn the channel. While she loved Christmas music, it was tiresome after a while. Besides, the kids were asleep. She flipped through a few channels and finally found a rock station, one that John would like and she wouldn't mind. Outside, the woods were flashing by, bare-limbed tree after tree, as they made their way to the Christmas tree farm.

[bastardtravel]

August 11, 2018. Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

In the deepest hidden recesses of the internet, on a vague Wikipedia page about “brewing in New Hampshire“, I learned that there is one beer that stands above all others. It is a Russian imperial stout lovingly handcrafted by an unusually tall hill dwarf, undoubtedly from an ancient recipe that his clan brought from under the mountain untold ages ago.

Wikipedia claims it is “the best beer in America” and also “the most sought-after beer in America”. It’s called Kate the Great, and legend has it that it can only be obtained by locating this master brewer on his home turf, the Portsmouth Brewery, and praying to whatever gods you keep that the stars have aligned and it’s in season.

It was drizzling on Mystery Hill, but it hadn’t quite started to monsoon in Portsmouth yet. Thunderclouds loomed in the sky like hanged men, shrouding the little downtown in portentous darkness. Everyone we encountered hated us. This isn’t altogether foreign to me, I’ve chosen the Bastard moniker for a reason, but the Girl tends toward amicability and we hadn’t done anything yet.

In The Shadow Over Innsmouth, an archaeologist crossing New England in search of genealogical information finds a foggy, derelict port town. He thinks it might be interesting to check out, so he books a room and pokes around. The locals seem to share a common deformity, a scaling skin disease, puffing around the face and eyes, and unusual hydrocephaly. They spurn him outright. We’re talking like, Amish shunning. The inhabitants call him an outsider and refuse to sell him anything. They bar most public places against him, and retreat into their homes if they see him on the street. As the novella goes on, he discovers that the inhabitants of Innsmouth have been interbreeding with a race of cannibal fish-people, the Deep Ones, who conduct grisly rites in worship of a bloodthirsty aquatic god called Dagon.

I thought the parallels were cute at first, but as our time in Portsmouth wore on, they got more distressing. We’d driven across New Hampshire into an HD remaster of Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth.

The Portsmouth Brewery was wall-to-wall with people, easily the most active building in the town. The hostess sneered that the wait for a table would be 20 minutes. The Girl said that would be fine, and asked if we could get a drink while we wait.

“Yeah, I guess.”

We dodged around the teeming masses of people and, for some reason, all their infant children, to get to the bar. When did the bringing babies into bars phenomenon start? And why? Babies don’t go in bars. Babies go in, I don’t know, parks. McDonald’s Playplace.

Eventually, the girl tending came over to us.

“Hey, we’re here treasure hunting,” I said, trying for charming. “Legend has it this is our best shot at getting Kate the Great. Do you have that right now?”

She scoffed. “We’ll never serve THAT beer again.”

I exchanged a glance with the Girl.

“Is this like, a sensitive subject?”

“No,” she said, providing the exposition she really should have led with, “It’s just, the brewer just quit working here, it was this whole big thing, so we don’t have Kate the Great anymore.”

“Do you know where he went?”

“He opened his own brewery, Tributary. It’s in Maine. But here, you can see our draft list.”

This was technically true. It was in Maine, across a bridge, an 8 minute drive from our present location. It was also technically true that we could see the draft list. It consisted entirely of IPAs, which would have been clutch if I’d ever liked one.

“Can we have a minute to think about it?” the Girl asked. The bartender nodded and drifted off. We escaped to the place next door, which had a similar draft list, substituting one of the IPAs with Budweiser which it listed as a “light lager”.

“I can’t Yelp,” the Girl said. “This is impossible. Two for two. You do it. I’m losing hope.”

dolphins have had it good for TOO LONG

A few blocks away was a brewery called Earth Eagle, which specialized in a hopless proto-beer called “gruit”. It’s a Danish word, and should be pronounced “gryoo-IT”, but I pronounce it groot and will continue to do so until dead.

We made our way past the cute little technicolor New England cottages to Earth Eagle. Random assignment from day two of any outdoor music festival would give you the clientele. It was also crowded, but not as bad as the Portsmouth Brewery.

“Could we sit outside?” the Girl asked. The waitress glared at us balefully.

“You can if you want,” she said. “But it’s gonna rain.”

“If it starts to get bad, we’ll move back in,” the Girl said.

“You should probably just sit inside.”

The Girl was ready to fight her on this. She was hangry. I’m always hangry, and so I’ve developed a tolerance. I steered her aside.

“Not worth it,” I said. “If we sit outside, no one’s going to come take our order.”

It looked like no one was going to anyway. After a while, one of the Deep Ones waddled over, and we ordered gruit. It tasted like beer-flavored juice. They also played the entirety of Rancid’s “And Out Come the Wolves”. I found that suspicious. Like they were humoring me, and when I left they’d return to their backward recordings of whale song and those high-pitched meditation bowls.

The scene was about to turn. I could hear them sharpening their knives. During the next ponderous waitress’ circuit, we waylaid, paid, and am-scrayed.

“I’m so hungry,” the Girl said. “This is where we die.”

“Very possible. I’ll bet they have a sacrificial table here, too.”

“Bastard, we need to find something,” she said. “I’ll go back in there and eat tofu puffs if I have to.”

“Don’t talk like that,” I said. “Listen. We’ll go back to the pizza place. We don’t need to drink there. We’ll just get a pizza. It’s impossible to ruin pizza.”

She was hesitant, but I kept saying, “Huh? Piiizza?”, and that eventually won her over. That’s a pro strat for you, fellas. No charge. Just remember where you learned it.

They were kinder at the pizza place, probably because it was in a basement full of aquariums, and being below sea level and surrounded by their brethren soothed the agitated merfolk. They had a giant neon sign for RED HOOK, which I presumed to be of “The Horror At” fame, and would have won me a prize had I remembered my Mythos bingo card.

We asked the first pleasant waitress in New Hampshire for garlic and it baffled her.

“Garlic? Like, whole garlic?”

“No, like, powder,” the Girl said. “Or salt, if that’s all you have.”

“We… might have some in the kitchen.”

“That’s only a thing where we’re from,” I told her. “When I went west, none of the pizza places had garlic. A lot of ’em didn’t even have oregano.”

The Girl looked as though she might cry. “But… but why?”

“Forgive them. They know not what they do.”

We were given this.

garçon! a ration of garlic powder, s’il vous plait, and your finest sprinkling fork

We walked back out into the building tempest. The fishfolk were growing stronger as it became soggier. It was like you could hear the Jaws theme playing in the distance.

“We gotta look at the whale wall,” I said. “That’s like the only other attraction. Then we get the hell out of here.”

We looked at the whale wall. It was both.

Then, we scurried back to the car.

mood

Unfortunately, the Deep Ones were lying in wait for us. A supply truck was sitting in the middle of the street, right next to my car, parking us and only us in. I couldn’t get around it, and there wasn’t enough sidewalk for any real desperate escape maneuvers. I waited, crouched in the driver’s seat with a fileting knife clutched to my chest. The Girl sat shotgun, slowly pumping up a super soaker full of tartar sauce.

Some other lost tourist/genealogist had parked in front of us, and finally returned to her car. She got the hell out of my way and we made our daring escape.

We crossed the bridge into Maine. It immediately stopped raining. Whatever ancient cult magic held sway in Portsmouth didn’t extend beyond its borders.

Tributary Brewing Company even had a parking lot for free! It was busy, as one would expect for the chosen brewery of the creator of America’s alleged best beer. We sat on the bench along the wall and had a flight and took in the ambiance, most of which consisted of impressionist paintings of this dude’s face.

Mott the Lesser is what he renamed Kate the Great, presumably in order to avoid legal disputes with Portsmouth Brewing. It wasn’t in season, but that was all right. Ask Tennyson. It was never about the Grail. The quest is all.

The man himself sat at a table, eating his lunch and grinning the grin of a man presently living his dreams. He was surrounded by a squadron of adoring Dads. I will admit the dude had an aura, and his biere de miel and porter were magnificent. The porter tasted like smoked joy.

We went next door to a tasteful mermaid-themed restaurant with walls colored in equally tasteful mermaid tiddy art. In retrospect, I should have photographed that, instead of whatever the hell it was we ate. (I know mine was scallops, and I know they were excellent).

Our next stop, continuing with the supernatural theme along New England’s eldritch ley lines, would lead us to the most haunted restaurant in America.

But that’s a spooky campfire story for another day.

Love,

The Bastard

  The Shadow Over Portsmouth August 11, 2018. Portsmouth, New Hampshire. In the deepest hidden recesses of the internet, on a vague Wikipedia page about "