Tumgik
#i always make myself and i think that might be weird
hermitw · 3 days
Note
I've been thinking about this reblog of yours for months and I finally figured out how to respond to it.
I went and read No Longer Human by Junji Ito and it was a very upsetting thing to go through. I don't think I can read it again. However, I came out of it thinking that Gege was probably inspired by it.
When Yozo is first introduced, I noticed that Takaba's backstory was very similar. Feeling isolated from others, he decided to become a clown to gain acceptance from others. (Citations in Image Captions)
Tumblr media
And later when Yozo was caught "cheating" (it's in quotes because those women are child rapists), I noticed that her face was really similar to the one Higuruma's client made when he felt betrayed by the trial outcome.
Tumblr media
There's probably a lot more to say about how themes surrounding CSA and suicide in this work are echoed in JJK, but I'm not able to make the post myself. No Longer Human is too far out of my comfort zone in terms of graphic depiction to delve into it deeper.
But you seem strong enough to handle it, so... Idk maybe run with this some more.
Ohhh this is so interesting! I could definitely read No Longer Human again - tbh I read Junji Ito's version years ago. This year I listened to the audio book and bought a copy - but it's like, a draft in the author's handwriting (bc I thought it would help me study Japanese and if I had an English translation that I'd read it on repeat lmao). But you're real for that - I forget how disturbed people tend to be trying to read through it, I'm sorry that was rough.
I did go back to read the reblog and idk how relevant all that was - I've reread the manga since and felt like, oh I might have been misremembering some things like Uraume - idk if they actually had a freeze response in ch. 219, since they did tell Yorozu to back off though it took a minute - but it's also interesting how their CT deals with ice. Like to have a fight response, they freeze others? It's so interesting but I can't be sure whether it's there at all. (ik that yap II inspired some more coherent posts, like how it influenced Choso's self-image, etc., I linked but didn't tag you back then bc I felt Annoying especially w heavy topics but I can definitely go back and find them if you'd like.)
On a twin peaks note (without spoiling it), I feel like it inspired jjk to some extent - I've been feeling like the last chapter will end the way s2 did. Or at least - with the weird dreamy themes, "we are the dreamer who dreams and who lives inside the dream", etc...
But you're right - Yozo and the others' reactions resemble more jjk characters than I would think to connect. Takaba's jokes are truly a shield... And now I have an excuse to read Junji Ito's version again? Thank u so much (also isn't it funny how September 28 Uzumaki airs and September 30 jjk ends?).
I think gege gets inspired by the most tragic stories, I wonder how much of that is accurate but I can't always be convinced otherwise.... Especially when anime / manga series that he's confirmed as influences often deal with autonomy in ways that I couldn't handle (Evangelion, the night beyond the tricornered window).
By the way - ik we've mentioned elfen lied before, but in the first episode, you know that coffee mug? How it looks like jjk foreshadowing? Even has snail head Mahito - cut off-, the baseball, Panda, the worm (also cut off).... and later the newborn babies that look just like Yuuji...
Tumblr media
I swear that elfen lied, Kagewani, and banana fish influenced jjk. It seems so obvious w those, maybe Vampire Princess Miyu as well.
Sorry for getting off topic - I've been looking into why Momotaro keeps coming up in jujutsu kaisen, and in the end it came back full circle to that damn coffee cup. Invest in a baseball team? A zoo? I'm going insane.
All this to say - rereading Junji Ito's version and seeing if I notice similarities between manga panels is so exciting. Gege even made a note that he asked for permission before drawing - I think it was the Uzumaki CT - So we know he's a big fan of Junji Ito. And it seems like there is a rly good chance No Longer Human inspired him as well (though I feel like characters with similar traumas having similar reactions is inevitable to some extent, if they're written in a believable way, it should be clearer when I'm reading both stories in the same format) based on the stories he has officially referenced.
22 notes · View notes
bunnis-monsters · 12 hours
Note
I have no idea why so many people are sending you so much hate, I recently found your account and have fallen in love with your writing style, your stories, and all the different creatures you write about.
Your account is what introduced me to this kind of monster stuff, I’d never really been exposed to it before, and you’ve made me fall in love with it (does that sound weird? Idk).
As a chubby girl myself who struggles with self-esteem sometimes, reading your stories always makes me feel so giddy.
So no request, just a girl who loves reading your posts and wants to tell you that you’re doing amazing. 🫶🏻
P.S. I think the bee hybrids might be my favorites.
Thank you sm :) I’m having a bad day and needed this
32 notes · View notes
zith-ipeth · 3 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
First day out of a rut, living in a human world (Dog Days 10)
It’s hard to feel like you are the same as everyone when you’ve always been so different.
I can’t imagine that others struggle with the same feelings or lack of feelings that I do because I rarely am the same as others, I have been through alot, felt alot, and changed little about myself, I never grew up, never lived right, never learned
I don’t know what others are going through but I doubt it’s the same as whatever this is.
I slept on it for a while and realized, I think I just need to look at life with the goal of living it to the fullest. My roommate and I talked, (she’s so fucking smart I swear) and he said to me “I don’t think about what I’m getting out of college as a degree, I want to get as much out of this place as it has to offer, I might leave after this semester, after this year, I might graduate, but what’s important to learn all you can along the way” and I think that’s what I’m gonna do
Today rocked, we had the first animal collective meeting (the little animal folks at our school) and we howled and discussed the role that religion and self understanding and perceived reality play into species and gender!
People are being weird at our school, but so long as I’m here I can help people and maybe make people get used to us being here!
Never give up, never stop fighting
Run fast, bite hard, bark loud
Peace, love, and gratitude
-Zith Ipeth
25 notes · View notes
megoomy · 2 days
Text
Tumblr media
tales of berseria au of vesperia - raven/schwann
rambling and ref images under the cut
finally re emerging from my cave to talk about raven. if anyone was looking forward to more of these(??) sorry for the long break. my output is extremely unpredictable. anywaysss
Tumblr media Tumblr media
[shuffling papers] between the "theres two of them" and the fact that he has a somewhat japanese inspired outfit AND a knight persona, raven seemed like an obvious fit for "kind of the rangetsu brothers". also, i once saw schwann before playing vesperia, and thought to myself "that must be raven's brother". which is really funny. (to me at least)
so raven is a daemon and its visibly obvious in his raven persona. but as schwann, its a big secret and he's a high ranking praetor in the abbey. i think this might make him a semi-willing therion? in any case, he's still been reshaped and controlled by alexei.
hes also filling the role of traitor but maybe not in the same way he did in vesperia exactly and...certainly different from the berseria traitor in motives lmao. kidnapping estelle is still on the table i suppose but so is like, killing "aifread" (seifer) and stuff like that. as always this au exists in a permanently malleable state because i/we have no intention to write it and i welcome anyone else to do that.
design notes...i think the raven look is a fairly even split between vesperia raven's default outfit and the rangetsu brothers' clothes. didnt really pull anything from raven's alternate costumes on that one! as for schwann, it took a bit to figure out what i wanted. schwann has the one winged cape in vesperia, but i was really trying not to have him looking too much like artorius, because it felt weird LOL. ive been sticking pretty close to the standard abbey color scheme so far, but shigure has orange accents himself, so i figured schwann could have his orange as well. i feel like he ended up distinct enough?
the daemonblighted skin* obviously comes from rokurou as well. in raven's case, its on his face where his schwann haircut would cover it, trailing down to vaguely the shape of his blastia heart. my wife joked that this made him look a little like yuri (au) and that yuri's probably annoyed about it.
as with the last time i posted this stuff you're welcome to make derivative works, credit is nice but it's not a big deal, tag me if you want i would be delighted to see it.
we figured out some stuff for patty and karol and at some point i will finally nail down repede so maybe it wont be another year before i make another one of these! no promises though!
*i dont think this is ever used to describe rokurou's face or anything like that but "daemonblight" is the word used to describe the transformation into a daemon(/hellion) in berseria so this is how we've taken to describing it
20 notes · View notes
missmamibee · 10 months
Text
5 notes · View notes
starry-bi-sky · 8 months
Text
Clone^2 danny headcanons and/or facts that i wanted to expand on but didn't have the motivation or inspiration to write a ficlet about. Ultimately most of these are ideas that already exist in canon clone^2 but are only now being expanded on/explored/stated specifically.
Because I'm procrasinating cfau and passively thinking about clone danny and damian again.
1 - As he's liminal, Danny generates his own ectoplasm. He generates it at a slower rate than the casual ghost but faster than the average liminal. It's what gives him an ecto-signature and results in him triggering his parents' weapons and ecto-sensors.
The ectoplasm he generates actually has a use, and he tends to burn through his supply while he's fighting because of all the physical energy he spends + the use of his scary eyes requires (albeit really minor amounts of) ectoplasm to use. It also has health benefits, as using his ectoplasm keeps his heartbeat steady and lessens the risk of his arrhythmia flaring up due to all of his physical activity and adrenaline.
It does happen occasionally that he uses up more ectoplasm than he can replace, and this has the expected negative effects on his health as all that adrenaline and stress catches up to his heart without a buffer to mitigate it. He carries a canteen full of diluted ectoplasm with him in order to give his system the boost it needs in order to stabilize itself, which he can usually tell when he needs due to excessive fatigue/chest pains/dizziness/other arrhythmia symptoms he gets that means he's low on ectoplasm.
2 - Danny's arrhythmia is a form of bradycardia (which is a slower heartbeat) -- what type? Unspecified / Unknown thanks to it being ectoplasmic in nature.
3 - In that same breath, Danny also has to burn that ectoplasm off in some form or another because if he doesn't it builds up and causes him the same issues as if he was too low. It also causes him to become more emotionally volatile, restless, irritable, overstimulated, etc, which the stress of that then makes his heart condition worsen. If too much ectoplasm builds up, it'll cause a physical electrical shock/shortage. This is rare however, and usually is the equivalent of giving someone a painful static shock. At best it makes the lights flicker or technology fritz out for a few seconds.
While it doesn't have much effect on the physical world, it does expend a good chunk of ectoplasm. Think like dumping out a heavy bucket of water that you've been carrying for a while, or getting into a hot shower after being outside in the cold for hours. It's emotionally draining but very relieving.
4 - Danny can replenish ectoplasm or generate ectoplasm faster by resting, eating, consuming other ectoplasm (fastest), fulfilling his interests / doing things that makes him happy, or by being exposed to high amounts of ectoplasm in the area. He can also rapidly generate it by being in a volatile emotional state, but that drains ectoplasm almost as quickly, and runs the risk of causing flare ups in his arrhythmia.
5 - this is actually canon to the au but I figured it wouldn't hurt to expand more on it / clarify / confirm, but Danny post-Damian has chronic pain in his hands from the nerve damage he sustained. He has daily physical therapy exercises he's supposed to do that he does in the mornings/evenings and whenever his hands hurt/feel stiff. He wears compression gloves in his day-to-day life and gets Sam and Tucker's help to brainstorm ideas about how to make compression gloves for Phantom that can include his knuckledusters. His grip and hand strength is weakened.
He has bad hand days where his hands hurt more than usual. This can happen at random, but is more common after he's overused/strained his hands either the day before or earlier in the day. His fingers stiffen up for similar reasons, and he gets tremors. It's happened before where (for example) he's braiding his hair and unbraiding it, only to need someone else to finish the braid because his fingers stiffened up and don't want to work like he wants them to.
Massages, heat, pressure, etc. helps soothe the pain, and since Danny's a fidgety person his friends and family can usually tell when he has a flare up because any hand movements he was doing prior ceased/slowed suddenly, or he starts massaging his hands / stretching out his fingers.
Damian very stubbornly insists on massaging his hands for him when this happens, he has a lot of intense guilt for being the reason for Danny's chronic pain so he wants to alleviate it in anyway he can.
6 - Danny has what I like to call "Bruce-isms", a word I came up with just now that means he has Bruce Wayne mannerisms that come from the fact that he's still Bruce's clone. A Nature vs. Nurture thing. His Bruce-isms include the Bruce Grunts Of Ambiguous Tonal Meaning ("hm", "hrm", "hn"), his workaholism, his paranoia (on a milder scale), etc. They're small, relatively non-defining things that are quirks but don't make up his personality.
He's got what Sam and Tucker like to call "Bruce Wayne Moments" which are essentially Bruce-isms but only ones that Danny and his friends are aware of considering they only know Bruce as Brucie Wayne and not Batman. "Bruce Wayne Moments" include Danny being clumsy, doing something air-headed, being oblivious, etc. It's not a common joke among the three of them since Tucker and Sam know that Danny's still pr sensitive to the whole clone thing. So they only bring it up when he's done something stupid but hilarious.
7 - while clone^2 focuses more on Danny and Damian's relationship and Danny helping Damian develop his identity beyond just "Damian Wayne's Clone", Danny still suffers from his own identity crises. He sometimes gets jealous of Ellie and Damian for being "lucky" that they always knew they were clones, rather than finding out later in life.
He's aware that this is not fair to think and that Damian and Ellie both have their own struggles as clones, but he can't help it sometimes.
He tries not to think about it too much, but when things get too quiet or when he's not busy, Danny can't help but wonder how much of himself is things he's learned on his own and come from him, and how much of it comes from being Bruce Wayne's clone. He has to stop and count how many things are unique about him specifically when he starts to emotionally spiral. It's not rational, but it's not supposed to be.
As a result Danny kinda, hm, clings to his identity as the Phantom, just a little bit? He thinks it's one of the few things that he has autonomous control over as "Danny Fenton", rather than it being a result of him being Bruce Wayne's clone. Because Bruce Wayne isn't a vigilante! Right? Right?
Consequently this becomes one of the reasons that Damian keeps mum about Bruce Wayne's identity. The original reasons were because Danny asked not to know much about the LoA beyond what Damian already told him, and Batman was technically "apart" of the LoA, and secondly because he just didn't want Danny to get involved with Batman and co and Danny knowing about Bruce Wayne's identity could potentially cause that.
But as time goes on Damian kinda notices like, just how being a clone is affecting Danny even if he hides it from Damian pretty well. He can't really comprehend what it was like for Danny to grow up thinking he was normal like everyone else only to find out he was a clone, but he does see the hurt it's causing his brother. And he does notice that Danny was holding onto being Phantom quite a bit, and figured that if he found out Bruce Wayne was also a vigilante, it would hurt him beyond belief.
8 - So Danny's creation has been kept relatively,,, mmm,,, vague? considering I've been struggling for a time how I could plausibly have his creation happen without Bruce finding out about it immediately. And my conclusion is that around the time Danny was created, Bruce met up with the Fenton parents again for some reason or another -- checking out their tech under the guise of wanting to catch up with them.
And I can imagine that, due to being close friends in college, the Fentons literally just outright told him, "Hey we wanna 'nother kid but don't want to go through the risk of pregnancy again, so we're gonna make a clone of one of us instead"
and in true Bruce fashion, he mentally went "wow i should learn Everything And Anything About This Thing Specifically. Just In Case." and outwardly went "woah cool! ahaha how does it work"
and since the Fentons consider Bruce a close friend and are also incapable of Not Talking About Science, turned and went "OH WE CAN SHOW YOU" and showed Bruce their entire cloning process up to and including how they (safely) extracted the DNA they were gonna use. of which they already had. they were gonna just extract Jack's DNA a second time as an example, but it was Bruce who said "hey you should try me instead" in order to gauge how exactly safe this was and if there were any symptoms he would need to recognize in cloning.
so with his consent they did, and then showed him how they were going to use the DNA to make a clone without actually going through the process. Without prompting from Bruce, the Fentons went "we're gonna throw your DNA away though since we don't want this lying around and because we have no use for it" and visibly showed him that they were disposing it.
Bruce came to the conclusion that the Fentons weren't planning anything nefarious, they just really wanted another kid, and (reluctantly) left afterwards. The mixup comes when Maddie, surprisingly, misplaces the cartridge with Jack's DNA in it and while they could have always gotten another sample, it was better and safer to just try and find the original before that.
Jack finds Bruce's in their disposable. In his excitement, he forgets that it was Bruce's DNA, and manages to get it out safely. Maddie wasn't looking when he found it, and in her excitement also forgot to ask where Jack found it. They used that cartridge instead.
When they found out they used the wrong DNA, Danny was already about year old and while Jack and Maddie are morally dubious, they're only morally dubious towards ghosts. Danny was their beloved human baby, they would never do anything to him.
That being said, they were still horrified when they found out, and really, they genuinely did consider reaching out to Bruce to tell him. They thought it was something he deserved to know since it was his DNA that got used instead, and they felt awfully guilty after he trusted them enough to let them draw DNA from him. The only reason they hadn't is because, at the time, Bruce had been really busy with something in his public life and they didn't want to bother him during such a stressful time.
So they were going to wait, and in Fenton-like fashion, forgot to tell him. When the subject came up again sometime later, they assumed they already told Bruce and went about their day.
172 notes · View notes
j-esbian · 29 days
Text
i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
8 notes · View notes
suffercerebral · 4 months
Text
me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
12 notes · View notes
tigerplushh · 1 month
Text
am I starting to understand what the 5 makima fans in this universe see in her or do I need to go to bed
5 notes · View notes
atomiclace · 2 months
Text
who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)
#dont get your toddler army to do your anon hate and unblock me on discord if u want to talk#ik you act like a baby and thats fine but if youre bold enough to try to get me paranoid (and fail) then u should be bold enough to dm me#yknow without hiding yourself#either do that or leave us alone girl!! move on#like why do you preach about moving on to a new era and then actively seek out trouble ????#get a job or something#trying to make me think my bf is cheating on me is such a weird thing to do and a big low for you spinny. it's actually sad#the worst part youre not even good at doing it. youre making shit up from what you THINK you know & hiding behind ur friend#its okay to fall out of friendships and im not even trying to meddle with your life but you are literally actively seeking out problems#and thats so pathetic. especially when you paint yourself all high and might over us ??? clearly we tried everything for you#until we got to a point where we were literally drowning because we have other shit in our lives too#you keep losing friends and complain about it. maybe consider why??? because of lack of communication and empathy!! youre just mean!#especially to those who've always tried so hard to have your back and defend you! (buka and me!!!)#yet you didnt care. you dont communicate and expect us to read minds & you demand things#and u say that a real friend should know when to reach out & ya but when it gets to a point where i feel like im drowning? no thanks#im prioritizing myself and my mental health im sorry#not to mention i was ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE IN YOUR BULLSHIT#so grow up. actually. and if you wanna dm me then unblock me and we can talk#if you want to keep hiding behind your toddler friends acting like youre all small and sweet and babies then go ahead but leave us alone?#at least ill have closure and finally come to terms that you're not rlly a good person and u use your illnesses to excuse ur behavior#because i still think about you and wish you were our friend but after everything thats happened (this being the cherry on top for ME)#then maybe you really just are a shitty person and you do more harm than good#soz to everyone else reading this just continue scrolling LOL#its drama cus an ex friend is sending their toddler militia on me for some reason???#delete later
6 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
4 notes · View notes
asinglesock · 12 days
Text
so uh
Tumblr media
#a sock speaks#I think I might actually experience attraction to men? not as definitively as to women but sometimes#I think I was compartmentalizing things for quite a while#bc I didn't feel okay to have a relationship with a woman#and if I wasn't willing to have a relationship with a woman then it felt weird/wrong somehow to#allow myself to be with a man?#it felt like a betrayal somehow. I felt like I'd be judged or punished for it. or even if not that I'd be doing something wrong.#in retrospect this was the OCD talking#I don't really consider myself side b in the same way anymore. I don't know that I'd enter a relationship#but largely that's because I have anxiety about intimacy and issues with self worth 👍#but I've realized that I can't always tell the difference between shame over wrongdoing and fear of how others will react to me#and fear is not worth a life choice of that scale. but love is#and honestly. I'm acearo spec. I'm not likely to have a conventional relationship. for the present I'm still not planning on a relationship#I've wondered if maybe I have a celibate vocation. which is still possible even with all of this [gestures vaguely]#idk. for now I'm using the word queer to describe myself. it's comfortably open ended.#but also I was too afraid that dating/marrying a man would place me into a power structure I could never escape#and now I think maybe I don't have to be as afraid of that#now the awkward thing would be to let friends/family know without making them think I'm ex-gay 💀
6 notes · View notes
frantic-fuck · 1 month
Note
Hey Ziri how's it going dude?
Snakelet - Chapter 9
@randowhump birthday event - Winged Whump (4) and Hallucinations (14)
Masterpost
Content: Nonhuman/vampire/winged whumpee, pinned to a board, psychosis, maybe unreality?
Figured I'd give you a twofer to make up for lost time, lol. Happy birthday!
~
Ziri jolts with a start at the unfamiliar voice, eyes darting back and forth to find the source.
"Tsk. I told you not to move, little bird," chides the torturer of the day. "Now I'll have to add even more pins."
"P— plea— GAAAAUGH!" He chokes out a scream as they drive another stake into his wing, splitting flesh and bone alike to pin him to a board like a fucking butterfly.
Desperate for a distraction, he focuses on the voice. It seems like it's still just him and his assailant in the room, and even if they did bring another torturer in, they wouldn't just... casually ask something like that. They'd be all gloaty and stupid about it.
It must be a new voice in his head. Wonderful. Like he needs more.
...Unless it's actually—
No. Stop. Stop. It's — probably — not real. And if it is, he'll deal with that problem later, because there's approximately fuck all he can do right now.
Fuck, what was the question again? It was a question, right? It felt like a stupid question.
Ah, right.
He responds in his head, as he does the other conversational voices. Janessa taught him long ago not to respond aloud, not around people who want him to suffer. He does not need help losing touch with reality, especially now.
Not great. Really bad, actually. Horrible. Worst I've ever been.
Another stake shatters his bones and train of thought alike before he can figure out another way to phrase the same thing.
He hopes this voice is one of the nice ones, if it sticks around. Good company is.. sorely needed.
"Last one, birdie."
His throat beyond raw, he cries out at the top of his lungs as they finally, finally, drive the last stake into his wing.
...Second to last. Bastard.
"Gotcha, didn't I?" They laugh. "Nearly done. Just need to take care of your pretty little arms and legs. Those ugly straps are doing them such a disservice..."
A shuddery sob escapes him as they unstrap one of his arms and lift it, no amount of faux gentleness enough to prevent agony shooting through his impaled shoulder.
"Oh, you poor thing. Does it hurt?" They grin as they lazily wobble his limp arm back and forth, further straining the wound. He wants nothing more than to tear it from their grasp, but even without the fear of punishment, he's not sure if he'd have the strength to manage it.
All too happy with his miserable resignation, they fasten a golden manacle to his wrist. It's too tight.
He nearly laughs at the complaint. It's so mundane in comparison to the rest of his suffering.
He clings to the amusement for any trace of comfort when they begin pounding another stake into...
Not him.
Not him.
The chain he hears, probably. With every strike, he has to remind himself that it isn't him. They're clearly relishing in his terror.
Once his arms and legs have all been chained up, the assailant finally steps back, appreciating his work.
"Oh, you're perfect. Don't go anywhere, little bird."
With an infuriating chuckle at their own stupid joke, they finally leave Ziri alone. The silent one resumes gently braiding his hair, and as much as he'd rather not be touched at all, he supposes beggars can't be choosers.
All too soon, the door opens, and the braiding stops. The first piece of shit walks in with another one, who ogles at him uncomfortably before they each grab one side of the board he's been pinned to.
"One, two, three, hup!"
They turn the board horizontal, and a scream claws out of his throat when his body weight suddenly pulls on the stakes impaling him, inflicting an entirely new level of pain. And of course, they make no effort to avoid jostling him as they carry him away.
It's so, so tempting to escape into his own head, but he forces himself to try to process what's going on. He can't risk making a habit of dissociating. As much as every ounce of his brain DESPERATELY wants to. He needs to be present when he gets back. He needs to be useful to Janessa.
For Zop.
For Zop.
For Zop, he strains to pay attention to where he's being carried. But every detail he takes note of is jolted back out by a bump in the ride.
...He's going to get Zop tortured again, at this rate.
Eventually, he can vaguely tell that he's being hung to a wall. Gathered around him are all the bastards with such a vested interest in his misery, ooh-ing and aah-ing at the pitiful display of helpless agony.
The piece of shit who did it stands back, admiring their work.
"You really are gorgeous."
5 notes · View notes
lilgynt · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
remembered at work i’m probably gonna get abused tonight yay me
#personal#going to see a show with my mom aunt and grandma#and my mom have already argued about this show bc i asked for the future if my mom says i can come to soemthing can she ask me first#just cause i might haves plans or soemthing else going on and she cussed me out for lecturing her#it’s fine when i just can go to my room or can choose to get away#but she’s gonna drive and car rides with my mom are so bad#i always forget bc i don’t have to ride in the car with her anymore bc i have my own and a license#but they can be so bad unless she gets a phone call or starts talking about herself#but car to and from there good chance ya boy is getting quote unquote abused#i know she’s abusive/toxic but it feels so dramatic to be like my moms gonna abuse me by being mean in a car 🙄#but also i’m a 24 year old man near crying at my desk bc my moms gonna be mean to me in her car#and i thought about telling my brother to just vent but then i just remembered his last visit#and how he made fun of me (lightly to be clear) and didn’t think much of how mean mom was to me#and he always says we’re both crazy and honestly he doesn’t care and it’s fine and i’ll just save myself the hassle#the other brother were still weird#anyway blah blah blah family doesn’t like me or does and just happens. to also enjoy being kinda mean#gonna pop in an ear bud on the side she can’t see and do double time of pretending i’m spider man to cope with my issues#i think if i just focus really hard on spider man and make no real tangible changes to my life everything is gonna r#be okay :) (it will not)
2 notes · View notes
g0thsoojin · 2 months
Text
📓🖊♣️
#i think i'll try to do this bc ...honestly i cant vent freely anymore#for many reasons#i just am too emotionally weak and vulnerable to deal with a small handful albeit ppl who are mean to me#im too sensitive and fragile for it i cant do it#so even if i've tried this several times .. a separate vent blog.. i will try again#for my own peace of mind <3#plus.. venting has actually caused me so many issues w ppl and connection i've had ://#both on twitter and tumblr#and now part of why it got fucked up with him.. the loml.. was bc he got the wrong side of me#from all my miserable vent posts#i kept posting abt how 'nobody cares abt me' and then he felt like he didnt matter to me#bc i literally kept saying such things :(((#and tbh me venting publically is not worth it at all#it wasnt the only reason but part of it was that i said too much of that constantly#and bc of everything going on w him he just believed i didnt care abt him#fuckkkkk that makes me so sad and regretful but its done#i do kinda hate myself for that tho...#i need to learn how to not feel the need to constantly 'vent'#and learn how to just be ok w having these passing thought and feelings#and only vent when i really need to not every second#losing him... wasnt worth any of it#but ig just starting to not put it on my actual blog and keep it separate is a start#im weird abt what i do and such so it might seem like im overthinking#but i just need to be clear w myself and compartamentalize#and it helpd to tell myself that ill do this and then try to do it#instead of just thinking it#anyway idk#even if its too late with him i dont wanna risk more rude things said to me i just cant take it#and venting causes problems kinda always anyway#so learning to do it less and less is good
4 notes · View notes
spikeisawesome456 · 5 months
Text
.
#I might delete this later but I'm feeling a bit disheartened and want to just put this out there into the world but not super publicly#But like#The worst part of being overweight in my opinion is that it's so so hard to feel cute or pretty or even decent looking#I'm going to Japan with my older brother next week and I've been curating a cutesy Lolita-esque style outfit for the trip and I finally#got the last of the pieces so I tried it all on. And it's just... no matter how hard I try I can't really see myself as cute in it#I don't know maybe pink isn't my color and this just isn't my style. But.#I tried really hard to make an outfit I'd feel cute in and it's devastating to not really see myself as cute#And it's not really that I think I look bad per se it's just...#I don't know#Not what I wanted it to be I guess#And I know that if I posted pictures people would say ''wow you look great!!!'' because people always say that kind of thing#But I'd always think they were lying or were playing it up#Even if they really weren't#I just wanted to feel cutesy and everything and it hurts somewhere deep inside to not feel that way#I'll still wear the outfit in Japan since I spent enough time and money on this outfit but it really dampens my enthusiasm#And this wasn't the first time I've tried on the dress obviously. I've been trying it on periodically all along#But I kept hoping that once it was done and I had the makeup all on maybe I'd finally be able to see myself as cute#But no#I still don't. Not really.#It doesn't help that the dress itself doesn't even fit properly#I got it on sale which is what sparked this whole idea in the first place and it was always a size too small#It never zipped properly but I was able to work around that with an outer corset that held it closed#And a lace shrug that helped hide the weird bunching in the back#I can sometimes get the dress zipped now since I've lost a little weight#But it's a struggle and I can only do it about half the time and it feels like I'm going to break the zipper each time#I'd think to buy a new dress but a) that would cost even more money and I've already spent way more than I had wanted in my endeavor#to feel cute in this dress. And b) all of the accessories are tailored to this dress specifically#It would be hard to find a good replacement and there is no guarantee that would even help#So I just... I don't know#It's just hard.
2 notes · View notes