#i am a mccoy at heart i know that

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

I just finished rewatching Star Trek 2009 and now I want to claw my own brains out because I won't ever get to space and fly on the Enerprise.

[loving-barnes]

LOGAN HOWLETT - ANNUAL GALA

A/N: A new smutty one-shot. I tried. I don't think it's good. But let me know what you think.

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Avenger female reader

Warning: smut

My stories are written for mature audiences - 18+!

Words: 4200+

Important note: Hugh Jackman!Wolverine (which means he's tall as fuck!)

FULL MASTERLIST | LOGAN HOWLETT MASTERLIST

LOGAN HOWLETT - ANNUAL GALA

Tony Stark had invited Charles Xavier and his X-men to an annual gala he held in New York. There were many reasons for that. The Avengers and X-men worked together during difficult missions and unexpected alien threats. Also, he wanted to prove to regular citizens and high-profile politicians that mutants were not the enemy. This was the perfect opportunity for both groups to strengthen their bonds and work relationships. 

That’s how Logan had found himself, in a fancy all-black tux, standing at the bar with a drink in his hand. His glare could kill anyone who rubbed him the wrong way. He wasn’t fond of these gatherings, and yet here he was. His eyes were searching for any threat, ready to fight anyone who would seem too suspicious to him.

“You didn’t have to come here, you know,” Hank chuckled when he approached Logan at the bar. “Nobody forced you to come here.”

Logan rolled his eyes and sipped on his whisky. “I know how important these things are,” he growled. “Charles wanted me to be here, so I’m here.” 

“Uh-huh,” Hank rolled his eyes. He ordered a drink. When the bartender had given him the drink with shaking hands, he had to chuckle. Some people were spooked by his blue fur and beasty look. “Isn’t it because you are waiting for a certain someone?” 

Logan sighed, defeated. Hank knew damn well that his friend had built some connection with a certain female Avenger. There was no denying he was waiting for her. “You really wanna go there, furball?” He tried to avoid the question. 

“Oh, come on, Logan. Everyone can see how you are smitten with that woman,” he chuckled. “It’s kinda nice.”

“I am not smitten,” he denied. Fuck, but even Charles constantly made comments and teased him about it. “By the way, shut your mouth, McCoy. I don’t want to hear shit from you. You’ve been eyeing that reporter from News 1.” 

That made Hank roar with laughter. He sipped his drink and turned to the crowd, watching people mingle around, talk and drink. “I’m not denying that. She’s pretty, we like to talk about science. You, on the other hand, keep denying everything. But we are not blind.”

Logan wanted to throw the drink at Hank. He would, if they’d be back in the mansion. He opened his mouth to snap back at him. But the energy shifted to the grand stairs. Logan’s eyes travelled there, wanting to know what the fuss was about.

Yelena Belova and Y/N Y/L/N walked down the stairs with linked arms. Both looked beautiful in their evening gowns and perfect hair. Yelena had a green satin dress. Y/N chose a sparkling black dress that hugged her figure perfectly, with a slit on her left thigh. 

Oh, if he could, Logan would drool like a dog. It was one thing when she wore that damn tight suit during missions, but this made him hard instantly. Fuck. Maybe this was the day he would have a heart attack. And she’d be the cause of it.

His blood started to boil when many men gave her attention. Once the women left the stairs, they were surrounded by testosterone. Yelena was a pretty lady, too. He had to admit that. Y/N was something different. She felt like a dream, a secret naughty fantasy that he wanted to come to life. 

“Close your mouth or you’ll swallow a fly,” Hank said. 

Logan drank the rest of the whisky in one go, eyes never leaving Y/N’s figure on the main floor. Hell, even her teammates danced around her. Where did this jealousy come from? 

He thought about the day they met. It was an accidental mission, where the Avengers were also present. While Charles and Captain Amerika talked after the finished mission, Logan’s eyes were focused on the woman who caught his attention. 

Their first interaction was amusing. Y/N tried to save his ass when a group of soldiers surrounded him. Logan was on the ground, guns pointed at every piece of his body when she came out of nowhere, shooting down the soldiers, snapping their necks with bare hands. Her kicks were strong, her punches were deadly. 

Once the threat was eliminated, she turned and looked down at Logan. “Are you done napping?” she asked him with a grin. 

He huffed. “I had it under control,” he huffed. He got up on his legs, the adamantium claws had already retracted back to his skin. Y/N watched it happen like a hawk but didn’t comment on it. 

“Of course. You almost got killed by ten men. Yeah, you had it under control.” 

“I can’t die, princess,” he squinted at her. “It wouldn’t be the first time a firing squad would try to kill me. In the end, it would always just tickle.”

Y/N tilted her head. A smile played on her lips. “Well, if you are done bragging, let’s move. There is still more to come and I would like to be in bed with a book in my hand by ten.” 

That was just their first interaction. And with that, something bloomed between them. Friendship? Or was it something more? Every mission became exciting. He couldn’t keep the dumb smile on his face once he saw her in the field.

Logan ordered another whisky. A grin spread on his lips when he thought back to their first meeting. He learnt her name later. First, it was just her last name. Rogers barked orders when he said it. Her first name came at a different time when they all shared the same coms for better communication. 

“She’s coming here,” Hank warned him, which brought Logan back to reality. 

With every step, he could notice more details about her. The material of the dress, how deep her cleavage was, how her breasts popped out, the red lips, the earrings, the fact that she was like a fucking angel. All she needed was wings. And, she was coming to him alone. Fucking finally. 

“Wolverine,” she purred his name. “I can’t believe you are here. Who put a gun to your head and forced you to attend this magical evening?” There was a teasing smile on her lips. 

Don’t look at her tits, he thought. Don’t look at the tits that want to spill out of that dress. Fuck!

“I heard there was an open bar,” he said. “So I decided to come and drink Stark’s liquor.” 

She licked her lips, suppressing her chuckle. “No other reason?” I raised a brow. “See your friends, swoon ladies or play pool with the boys?”

See me?

He kicked in the rest of the drink and put the glass on the bar. His eyes noticed the crowd gathering in the middle of the hall. A slow music started to play, inviting everyone to dance. Logan’s hand reached forward. It was now or never. “Or I came here to dance with ya, princess.” 

One second and her hand slipped into his. “Oh, so you dance, you say? Lead the way.” 

Logan proudly walked her into the crowd of dancing people. One hand rested on her lower back, other held her right hand. He knew what he was doing. After all, this was the first dance of his life. Y/N was impressed by that. They started to dance to the string music. 

He sniffed her sweet perfume, the shampoo she used. That woman would be the death of him, Logan was sure of it. They kept dancing, not talking. His eyes were on her, locked in a gaze. He had been close to her before but not like this. She was like a magnet, pulling him closer to her. Her lips inviting, her touch soft. 

The more he looked at her, the more he wanted to spill out what was going through his mind. “You look beautiful tonight,” he admitted. “Fuck, you look beautiful every time I see ya.”

She chuckled. “Even in my suit during a fight?” she raised a brow. 

“Hell yes,” he nodded eagerly. “Princess, when you walk to the field in that suit, fighting fearlessly, I have trouble focusing. Once you did a trick with your thighs, choking an enemy with them, I almost lost it there.” 

Y/N’s hand left his. She brushed it up his arm and rested it on his shoulder. “Oh, so that’s the effect I have on you, eh?” she teased the Canadian. “Care to say more?”

Logan’s hand joined the other on her lower back. He pressed her closer to his body. The height difference was evident between them. Even with her high heels, she was shorter than him. “Fishing for compliments?” 

“From you? Yes,” she smiled. 

He moved closer to her, leaning. In his mind, he was ready to press his lips against her. He needed to kiss her like he needed to breathe. This was his chance to taste her.

A third hand landed on Y/N’s shoulder. “Y/N, Logan,” they heard someone say their names. The moment was ruined. He wasn’t able to kiss her like he wanted. On the other hand, he wanted to slash anyone who interrupted them.

With a growl, he pushed away, eyes finding Captain Rogers, accompanied by Hank. “What?” he asked them grumpily. He didn’t care it was rude. They ruined something special. 

“We need you in the conference room,” said Steve. “We have a situation.” 

Y/N sighed, stepping away from Logan’s hold. “What’s going on?” she switched to a work mode. She gave Hank a polite smile to acknowledge his presence. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. alerted us about Trash industries,” said Steve. “Come, we’ll show you.” 

“Charles?” Logan’s eyes shifted to Hank. 

“Already with Stark,” he said. 

All four of them walked together from the grand hall. Yelena and Sam joined them on the stairs. The blonde woman was yapping about being taken away from a cute woman and a fine drink. 

“I just fucking got here. Already some shit is happening,” she kept cursing under her nose.

Logan kept close to Y/N. He missed her body being so close to his. He hoped they'd be able to continue. The conversation was intriguing. He remained by her side while walking through the hallway and to the upper levels of the compound. 

Her fingers brushed against his hand. It wasn’t an accident. No. Her fingers purposefully stroked the top of his hand. Instantly, his fingers moved. His pinkie hooked around hers for a second. It was a mutual sign. 

The group entered the conference room, meeting the rest of the Avengers and Charles. One by one they took a seat except Logan. He stayed on his feet, a step away from Y/N’s seat. A hologram appeared in the middle of the table. 

“We got a new location on Trask Industries, but this time, these fuckers had decided to work with some Hydra scums,” Tony started to talk, showing footage they managed to get from satellites. “Or so it appears. we are not quite sure.” 

“The public wouldn’t like that,” Charles commented. “They try to present themselves as a serious robotic corporation. Why would they jeopardise their public status if they start working with a public enemy?”

“That is trying to hunt down mutants and annihilate them,” Y/N commented. “Don’t want to imagine what’s going on behind closed doors. It can’t be nice.”

“Is it really Hydra?” Natasha asked. 

“It appears,” Steve chimed in. “Or something adjacent.” 

“So what? We’re just gonna sit here and wait for more details?” Logan scoffed. “The longer we wait, the more work they get done. I say to strike and kill them all.” 

Y/N licked her lower lip and grinned under her nose.

“We need a strategy, Logan,” said Charles.

“Not everyone can get sliced and heal with a snap of fingers,” Tony added sarcastically. “Chill, wolvie. Besides, we’ve sent Vision to have a look at the place. He’s a droid, a powerful one made out of vibranium.” 

Y/N turned her head to Tony. “That doesn’t mean he’s indestructible in this world,” she frowned. “New weapons are being developed every day to destroy mutants, to stop the Avengers. I hope Wanda went with him. They are stronger together.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Of course, she’s with him. Do you think I’d be able to stop her? I’m not crazy.” 

“Trask Industries are still working on the damn sentinel program,” Hank stepped into the conversation. “With Hydra’s help, who knows what they’ll be able to create together. The thought alone is scary.” 

Tony ended the hologram. Steve took the word. “I know we are supposed to be here at the gala, but I suggest a good night's sleep and be ready. If you’d like, we have spare rooms in here for you. You can stay here for the night if we need to leave.” 

When Steve said that, Y/N gently turned her head to the side, wondering what Logan would say to that. 

“I’ll gladly accept the offer,” Hank smiled. “At least I’d get to talk to Bruce for a little while and have a look at his labs. I’ll also alert the others at school.” 

“Howlett?” Tony raised a brow. 

Logan’s eyes moved from Y/N’s exposed shoulders to Hank and then to Tony. “Sure, why not? At least I don’t have to drive from place to place.” 

“I guess we are staying,” Charles smiled. “Thank you for your accommodation.” 

The meeting ended. Natasha and Yelena went back to the gala. Y/N talked to Hank for a few more minutes while he was waiting for Bruce. Steve and Tony took Charles back to the grand hall. Logan waited outside the conference room. Because no one was present, he took a cigar out of his jacket and lit it up. Three puffs later Y/N stepped out of the conference room with Hank. 

“Already smoking?” Hank sighed. 

“So what? Got a problem with that, bub?” 

“Always the charmer,” Hank shook his head. “Nice evening, Y/N. I’ll see you later,” he said once he saw Banner approaching the group. 

The moment Logan and Y/N were alone, they faced one another. “Are you heading back to the gala?” Logan asked. 

She hummed, thinking about it. “I’m not feeling like going back there. Honestly, those fancy parties are not my cup of tea. Wanna grab a drink in our lounge room? Stark has the fanciest shit there. You’re gonna love it.” 

Logan smiled at her. “Lead the way, princess.”

. . .

The lights were dimmed in the lounge room. Logan was nursing an expensive drink Y/N poured him. He made faces, eyed the liquid, humming and nodding. “This is some good shit,” said after a while. “Wealthy people can afford stuff like this. Also, Charles prohibited any alcohol at school.” 

Y/N chuckled, sitting in an armchair with her drink. “It makes sense. It’s a school. Of course, he doesn’t want any alcohol there. Does he let you smoke?” 

He huffed. “That he ain’t gonna do shit about it. No matter how much he threatens to turn me into a six-year-old girl.” 

“Aw, that’s adorable. I’d like to see that,” she put a wide smile on her face as she sipped her drink. “Maybe I’d brush your hair, put pink ribbons in it.”

Logan kicked the drink in and stood up from the couch. His eyes noticed a few photos around the place - from parties and group shots to professional photos of the team. They were like a family. What mostly caught his attention was Y/N. She was an Avenger, part of a superhero team. He huffed. Fuck, she was a damn Avenger. 

“What?” she questioned. A second later, she was by his side, eyes on the same photo of the team. “That was after Ultron almost annihilated the whole world. We celebrated our survival. Stark puked into his helmet,” she laughed. 

“Disgusting,” he frowned. “I must say, you look like one happy family,” he commented. 

Y/N hummed. “Maybe,” she shrugged. “I love them all to death.”

“But?” he raised a brow. 

She shrugged. “Will I sound ungrateful if I say I hate being in the spotlight?” she made a face. “I can’t do photoshoots, the damn galas and shit forever. I hate attention. I’d rather be like you.”

“Me?”

She nodded. “Teaching mutant kids, living life out of the spotlight. Even though it’s not easy, in my eyes, it’s simpler. Not have to deal with this shitshow.” 

Logan’s fingers found her hair. He brushed them away from her face. His mouth opened, ready to say something - anything - but instead, he grabbed her by the neck, pulled her closer to his body and crashed his lips against her. It was like an invincible string, pulling them together. He couldn’t help it.

It wasn’t slow, gentle. Quite the opposite. Logan’s tongue explored her mouth, tasting every corner he could reach. It was hungry, possessive. One hand held her tightly around her waist while the other slipped from her neck, down her back until it reached her ass, taking as much of her cheek into his palm. 

Both arms wrapped around his neck. A moan escaped her lips when the kisses moved to her jaw and down to her exposed neck. 

“I need to have you,” Logan growled between the kisses. “Fuck, pretty baby.” 

“My room,” she sighed. “We can’t give Stark or Rogers a heart attack if we do it here. Although, it would be funny.” 

Logan pushed away, staring into her eyes. He went back for her lips, only to bite her lower lip, pulling at it. “Lead the way, princess,” he growled. “And hurry, or I will take you here, where anyone can see us.”

Y/N grabbed him by the hand, taking him away from the lounge room. Logan moved her to his side and kept a hand on her smaller back. He needed to feel her, to be sure she was real and not a damn dream.

It took them a good three minutes to get to her room on the upper levels. The moment she closed the door, her hands were on Logan’s jacket, taking it off, letting it fall on the floor. Both of them stepped on it, not caring. His lips smashed against hers, all tongue and teeth. Grunts and moans echoed around them as they moved closer to the bed. 

“I wanna rip this dress off,” he said, hands grabbing both of her covered breasts into his palms, squeezing them. 

Y/N undid his tie. “No,” she chuckled, unbuttoning his white shirt. “Too fucking expensive. Here,” her fingers quickly found the zipper on her left side. She pulled it down and the dress loosened. That was Logan’s sign to pull down on it. 

“Fuck, princess,” his eyes rolled when she stood there in nothing but a black lacy thong. Her breasts were on full display, nipples stiff, just for his eyes. “Fucking perfect.” 

Before he could latch onto her hardened nipples, she forced the white button-up down off his body, hand grabbing onto his muscles, fingers brushing over some of the hair on his chest. She stood on her tiptoes to find his lips in another hungry kiss. 

His tongue dove into her mouth, caressing hers in the process. He felt her hands moving down to his belt, unfastening it. “Impatient?” his voice hoarse.

She pushed him onto her bed. He fell with a loud thud. The adamantium bones almost broke it in the process. “Shit, sorry,” she gasped, forgetting about his weight. But instantly, she climbed on top of him. Y/N pressed her breasts onto his chest as she needed to kiss him again and again. 

Logan switched it up, rolling them so she was under his body. “Now, let me ravish you before I give you my cock,” he said, lips already trailing kissed down her chest, over her breasts. His mouth took a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it, biting it. Her other nipple was teased by his thumb and index finger. 

“Fuck, Logan,” she whimpered. 

His mouth then travelled south. His tongue left a wet trail down her stomach to the hem of her thong. He kneeled on the edge of the bed, taking her leg up in the air, kissing it from the thigh up to her ankle. “I should leave these heels on, darlin’. So fucking sexy. Fuck, and I will.” 

Y/N huffed. “Logan, please, I want your mouth on me.” 

“Ah, already begging. I love it,” he grinned. He put her leg on his shoulder. His fingers brushed down down her leg to her clothed pussy. With two fingers he brushed her over her hidden folds and clit. She practically purred. “Pretty sound.” 

“Come on, Logan, do something.” Y/N was becoming frustrated. He kept teasing her, rubbing circles over her clit. “Don’t be a fucking tease. Not now.” 

A dark laughter escaped his throat. “Patience, darlin’.” He moved the thong to the side, exposing her pussy to the cold air. He saw her clench around nothing. “What a pretty pussy, princess. So wet and ready for me.” And he buried two fingers inside her heat. 

Y/N moaned once his two thick fingers penetrated her. “Shit. Ah.” 

He pulled them out and put them straight into his mouth, tasting her. “Delicious,” hummed. “I’m gonna feast on you. Not now. Now, I need to feel you around my cock, princess.” 

Logan grabbed her thong and pulled it off her legs, leaving her completely exposed to his eyes. He made sure to leave those heels on. “Fucking gorgeous.” He stood up to get rid of his pants. 

The moment he unzipped them, she knew he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “Shit, Logan, commando?” she raised a brow. His length was already hard, ready for attention. The tip of his cock was angry red, already leaking precum. 

She was ready to reach for him, take his cock into her mouth and guide it into her mouth. Logan was faster. He pushed her back on the bed, shaking his head. “No, no, darlin’. I’m gonna fuck you now. And next time, I will let you have a taste of me.” 

“Next time?” she smiled. 

Logan leaned closer, his head above hers. “You think this a one-time thing? Oh, pretty girl. No, no.” He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. 

“Good,” she gave him a bright smile. 

He pumped his length a few times before he positioned his cock to her opening. Slowly, he pushed inside until her hungry pussy took him all in. He cursed, groaned when her walls clenched around him. Once he was buried to the hilt, Y/N sank her nails into his chest, leaving red trails down to his belly button. They immediately disappeared, healed.

“Feel so good, princess. So tight,” he moaned as he started to move. At first slow, enjoying every stroke, watching her face like a hawk. He loved how her eyes rolled, how she gasped for air with each thrust or how she squeezed her breasts. She was fucking perfect. 

His thrusts fastened. He watched her breasts bounce as she kept fucking her. His grunts were louder, more vocal. Logan’s right hand found her neck. He wrapped his fingers around it, squeezing it. And that move made her clench hard around his cock. “Shit, Y/N,” he called her name. “Keep doing that and I will fucking cum inside you.”

Logan’s other hand sneaked between their bodies and found her clit. He started to rub it slowly, changing the movements. 

“P-please,” she gasped. “I need to cum, Logan.”

He smiled. “Yeah, pretty girl? Gonna cum around my cock?”

Y/N nodded, moaning and shaking under him. “Please, please,” she begged. 

“Come on, princess. Cum around my cock. Squeeze me with your sweet pussy,” he demanded. “Wanna feel you when you cum. Shit… Ah… Fuck…”

A few more flickers of his finger was what she needed to reach her peak. Her mouth formed a perfect O, her voice suddenly gone when the wave of pleasure hit her body like a train. Her back arched as he helped her through her orgasm. 

“Fuck, baby, yes,” he grunted. “Milk me dry.” 

A few more thrusts and he spilt inside her. His hot cum painted her walls. He growled like an animal, trying to prolong his climax with every movement. His body shook and then he stopped, panting. 

His eyes found hers. There was a post-orgasmic haze in them. A smile played on her lips. She was perfect, beautiful. Logan quickly leaned down and stole a kiss from her.

“Damn, princess,” he chuckled. “Such a good girl.” 

Those words made her clench around his length again. He grinned. “You like it when I call ya a good girl? Good to know.” Slowly, he pulled her semi-hard cock out of her and rolled next to her, catching his breath. 

Y/N rolled to him, resting her leg over his body. Her fingers drew patterns on his chest, moving through the hair delicately. “This was fun,” she smiled. “It’s been a while since I had a good orgasm.” 

He raised a brow. “Next time, I’ll make you cum on my fingers,” he grabbed her hand and pressed his lips on her fingers. “Then on my tongue and around my cock,” he hummed. “I will fuck you so hard, you won’t be able to walk for a week.”

She grinned. “Is that a promise?” 

“Fuck yeah, princess.” 

[thesovereignchimera]

I know Vulcan hearts are on their side so the liver area. Does that mean like traditional slow dancing, you could just FEEL their heart racing? Your hand would be right over where it is.

I'm imagining Bones having to teach Spock traditional human slow dancing for a big event coming up. Kirk put him up to it because he thought it was funny. The two have a horrible start of it since Spock doesn't see the point and he's fussing, but McCoy manages to talk him into it and through the first few steps.

Eventually after they practice the moves separately they have to actually dance together, and he takes the lead to guide Spock the first few times. He places his hand on Spock's side and immediately notices his heart rate is through the roof. They've only just begun so it can't be from exertion.

Bones: "Spock? You alright?"

Spock: "I am quite alright Doctor."

Bones: "I know Vulcan's heart rates are unusually fast but..."

Spock: "I aM FIne... Doctor."

Spock's voice cracks slightly as his face grows a little green.

[moonlightshaiku]

Oops!

Spock x Reader

Word Count:

Warnings: second hand embarrassment, puke

Ao3: N/A

Notes:

I just like the idea of accidentally giving spock a vulcan kiss, okay????

Tag List:

You knew that Mccoy's response of "Well be more social, then," was a result of him being busy. Not paying attention. But, you'd taken it to heart.

Being alone in your room so often had tanked your mental health. Introverted or not, part of "self care" is letting out your thoughts and feelings.

You can't help but think that self care is too complicated. Hygiene in itself is a fifty point list.

The best plan you had was to introduce yourself to someone. That in itself is difficult. There are too many options and techniques.

It was hard when it was just humans—or at least, mainly humans—back on Earth. But in the Enterprise? With even more races and cultures? Squeezed in? Together?

You enter the lift, blandly speaking out your destination. It's only when you notice the shoes next to you, shining, that you realize you have a chance to just— do this. Get it over with.

The anxiety swells in your throat, and you can't help but think it's not worth it. It'll take so much effort, and if you don't say anything, they'll never know.

"Good morning!" You chirp, before you can put to much thought in. It's much more gruff than you meant. You realize, as you swallow, that this is the first time you've spoken today.

You almost wonder if they're going to reply, but then you see a hand.

It barely takes a second to connect the dots. A handshake! Easy.

In your excitement at the ease of this venture, you bring your right hand to meet their left—and—oh.

Wrong hand. Your hands are touching. Theirs is straight, yours across it. Your ring and little finger are touching the side of their hand, your thumb tucked over their's.

You glance up at them, you don't make eye contact.

Your first two fingers presses against their last.

His last. His last two fingers.

He's male.

"Oh sorry, wrong hand!"

A Vulcan male.

He's Spock.

"Oh shit."

You jerk your hand back.

"The crude wording is not needed, Lieutenant-Commander."

"Spocckkk." You draw out through your teeth, voice high pitched.

"Yes?"

The doors open, no one is there.

"I am. Fuck, I am sorry. It wasn't— fuck, sorry."

The door closes. The lift remains still.

"I didn't mean to—" you take a breath. "It wasn't my intention to—" you pause.

His eyebrows raise, your heart beats faster.

Can he report you for harassment over this? It was just a handshake— be pretty fucked up if he could.

It would be pretty fucked up if he couldn't, too. Damn.

He probably should report you.

He won't.

"Kiss you?"

The words feel like bile in your mouth.

Or are you about to puke?

"That's not a question. I did not mean to phrase that as a question." You attempt to repair quickly. "I did not want to kiss you."

Oh that sounds plan rude!

"Or, er— you know what I mean."

You blink at him. How long have you been talking?

"Are you done, Lieutenant-Commander?"

You stay quiet, and after a few moments, you realize that it's a genuine question.

"You can— you can call me Doctor. And yes. Sorry."

He nods. "Doctor. It was a mistake. It is of no consequence, and does not alter my opinion of you."

You nod, anxiety not fading. You do, however, remember to breathe.

"Can I make it up to you?" Is your timid reply. You find that Spocks eyebrows can reach impressive heights.

"I suppose so. However, I do not see a reason that 'making it up to me' is needed."

You let out a breathy chuckle after a long moment of silence, and it does good to ease the tightness in your chest.

"Okay." You breathe. "When... do you have time?"

Spock doesn't take any time to think. "Tonight would be sufficient."

You nod. "My quarters."

He nods.

"Okay, you'll probably have to add another bead, so it'll fit. Let me—" you shift closer to him, taking a look at the bracelet in his hand. "—look at it."

It's only slightly too small for him, now. He'd decided to use the small glass bead in an elaborate pattern of rust, royal blue and copper. You had used the large plastic beads, and jokingly put an S bead on the bracelet. Baby blue.

"I do not see the point in making bracelets, Doctor."

You laugh. He's been happily putting beads on a string. He'd taken around ten minutes just choosing colours.

"Only idea I could come up with, really. Part of human culture."

You lean over, shoulder bumping his. "Okay, that looks good. Can I check it?"

Spock's eyebrow twitches. "Yes. That is agreeable."

"Alrighty." You gently grab each end of his bracelet, and he sticks his hand out. You bring the bracelet up, cupping his wrist like a U.

"Huh." You huff, scooting forward. "Okay, yeah, that's good. Want me to tie it?"

You glance up, making eye contact with Spock. The green of his face makes your eyebrows crease, but his face stays impassive.

He nods.

You promptly begin tying the bracelet, tearing your gaze away from his.

Once you have it double knotted, you reach over to the table, retrieve the scissors, and grab his hand.

Once you've snipped the excess, you hide the knot under a bead.

"Doctor."

You hum. "Yes?"

When looking to Spock, you are met only by his unwavering stare and green cheeks. No words.

Your gaze travels down, your hand holding his.

"Oh fuck me."

"That does seem to be the message you are sending, Doctor."

[to-trek-or-not-to-trek]

Kirk, facedown in McCoy's quarters at 2 am: Boooooooonesssssssss, how do you form a genuine emotional connection?? All I know is flirt, rip your shirt, chess metaphors, and yearning.

McCoy, getting up to get a bottle of alcohol and have a heart to heart with him: It's too damn late for your shenanigans.

[favvn]

Normal, logical behavior. Normal, logical thing to say after using a mind meld to learn about the other Jim Kirk, and after learning of love, compassion, and mercy (he had to have seen these things in McCoy's mind), then Mirror Spock declares he must have his captain back.

It is a devotion that borders on irrational, more love than loyalty. Loyalty would make sense according to logic. It's cause and effect: obey and follow one man, and Mirror Spock will be rewarded with resources, promotion, and trust in a universe of subterfuge and opportunism. It is still a tentative, emotional experience at best (and certainly not aided by the nature of the Mirrorverse), but it makes sense according the order of Starfleet, the operation of a starship, and Mirror Kirk's command.

But for Mirror Spock to hold more in his heart, to hold a desire for his captain's return despite experiencing what McCoy knows of the other Jim Kirk, despite working with and observing this other Jim Kirk? For Mirror Spock to possibly hold love, an emotional, subjective, and highly personal experience that cannot be sufficiently understood through empirical means, especially through his own emotionless logic? I am chewing the wall right now.

(As a caveat, one could argue Mirror Spock merely desires the return to order and known certainty that is his Kirk. But there is still something to be noted about how Mirror Spock will choose his own captain despite experiencing--if not observing--love from the other McCoy and Kirk.)

[inell]

About Me

I'm Inell (she/her/hers). Forties. Ace. I write fanfic, and I've been actively writing in fandoms since 1999. I’m a fandom old for sure! Current fandom: 911 (Buck/Eddie) and Teen Wolf (Stiles).

I am basically a Buddie mono shipper. I have written Buck/Connor, Buck/Tommy, and BuddieTommy since joining the fandom, but my heart belongs to Buddie.

I don’t care what other people ship; I filter things I don’t want to see. I’m very anti-drama in my fandom space. I try not to reblog hate against characters or ships that I don’t enjoy because I have friends who do enjoy them. My general motto is that fandom is for fun, and I’m going to spend my minimal free time focusing on things I enjoy, not hating on characters/ships that I don’t like.

Currently accepting 911 prompts from this list.

Also accepting Buck/Eddie prompts from this list.

Inell watches 911 live blogging

I started writing in BTVS with Willow as my OTC. Then I moved into Harry Potter, where Hermione was my OTC. I dipped my foot into the Star Trek XI fandom, where Kirk/McCoy was my OTP, and Avengers fandom, where I wrote a long Steve/Clint series.

I am currently swimming around in Teen Wolf, where Stiles is my OTC. I have a long crossover series that’s Stiles/Bucky Barnes that I’m updating sporadically. I’ve also done a deep dive into 9-1-1 fandom, where I enjoy writing Buck/Eddie and FireFam.

My Ask is always open if you want to chat. I’ve been around fandoms since the days of posting boards and egroups, into the live journal era, and beyond. My general philosophy is ship and let ship, and not my kink but enjoy yourself. I don’t like drama and hate in my fandom experience. I do block tags, and I try to curate my experience. I have never had a ship I love writing in fandom actually go canon, so I tend to live in the fanon & love it. Now, if my current ship did go canon, I certainly wouldn’t complain! But I won’t stop shipping it regardless.

I like writing happy endings and romance, and I ride the wave of the muse in terms of spamming fic when she's talkative and possibly going days with nothing if she stops talking. I’m always happy to be tagged for fic I might like & I like chatting about fic and fandom.

Prompting Me

My Ask is always open! You can prompt me or send me questions/comments on fic/whatever. I can't promise to write every prompt that I receive. I prefer general prompts, like a ship & a dialogue prompt etc. You can find prompts that I’ve reblogged in my tags. If you have a rating restriction or an AO3 account, put those in the Ask. One prompt per ask.

I generally don't write M-preg, age regression, adult/baby play, scat, emesis play, necrophilia, rape/non-con, extreme underage, non-consensual adultery/cheating, hardcore BDSM, pain play, humiliation, character death, watersports, sounding, tragedy, dark fic, unhappy endings etc.

If you happen to send me a kink/prompt not on the above list that I realize I can’t write, I’ll let you know unless it's anon. I tend to like happy endings, romance, fun tropes, smutty times, and plot that is more centered on friendships or relationships than Big Bads etc. I have a fondness for either the getting together, the first times in relationships, or slices of life in established relationships. Really, if you’re familiar with my writing, you probably know what’s safe to prompt and what probably isn’t!

My Fic

My Fic on AO3 - Best place for all Teen Wolf & 9-1-1 fic as I’ve post everything there from 2015 forward.

My Fic Archive - This is best for finding anything written from 1999-2015.

[bardicious]

Spock's SNW Human-isms (Apparently an Essay)

This has gotta be one of my favorite parts of the episode. Everyone's already talked about Boimler's polite way of telling Chapel her and Spock's relationship is doomed and not worthy of note in the history books. Versus Spock and Kirk's legendary friendship romance T'hy'la status.

I am on the one hand, upset that Spirk will never be fully canon (because paramount is weak and so are it's homophobic fans), but delighted they're not really banking on the easy "Chapel was Spock's true love all along" because that would be fuckin disingenuous as hell, if you've watched ANY TOS episode or movie. Like, absolutely ridiculous. Beyond insane, and I can understand why it worries fans watching SNW. (though I think the reaction to them having any relationship is a bit much and childish).

Anyway, seeing Spock's early life and his fight between his supposed "human side" and "vulcan side" is such a big aspect of his early character. I get the impression that Spock fought hard to be Vulcan while he was growing up there, but held resentment to not being able to show his mother the "human" affection he thought she deserved. He saw her being ridiculed, her loneliness, his own loneliness when he couldn't fit in, and it broke his heart. A war between his emotions and his duties constantly firing. So enough is enough, he leaves Vulcan, because it's not right for him. And joins starfleet.

Starfleet's motto is accepting all kinds of people and understanding them. But lets be real, starfleet accepts Spock's skill, but not his personality or behaviors. He generally gets along with his crewmembers, but they don't really know him. Barring a few exceptions, maybe Captain Pike? But also not really. Captain Pike loves Spock, but my impression is he doesn't always get him. Not like Jim will.

Chapel gives the same vibes. She says she accepts Spock for who he is. But she likes the idea of the human!Spock inside of him. His human side who understood her better. Who, honestly, I think she would have kept if she was less ethical. But she's not. She's a good person, and that's not who Spock is, so it's not what she wants. But it's still this ideal of Spock she's grasping to. Of course, she doesn't want a more human Spock, that's a cruel thing to say, to think even. But ultimately Spock will never given her the behavior and emotional support she's looking for. It's just not there.

My impression of SNW Spock is that, he likes both T'Pring and Chapel, they're his friends, he loves them like a friend would, he protects them like a friend would. But both Chapel and T'Pring personify his human and vulcan ideals. They're the embodiment of what he should want. Not what he actually wants.

And once Chapel breaks his heart (possibly to "save" his amazing future), he will discard his attempts at "human" behavior. Begin to resent it. Hell, get a little racist with it. LMAO (Thinking of his interactions with McCoy - who's so human, or so willing to show his emotions, it irks Spock, because he tried that!)

It will be the crux of his feelings of shame. With Jim. Who's friendship and love is so important to him. But he just can't do it again. Quite possibly, maybe he should never try to love anyone again, because he's tried, and both options were so obviously wrong. How can he possibly fit in with another being?

But he can, because Jim's actually quite a vulcan human in some ways. Duty is the name of Jim's game. The greater good. The way Jim has decided to look at his own life and his family, and decided to take his experiences in a logical capacity rather than the emotional one Sam has taken everything in. Spock and Kirk are compatible, so naturally, that Spock and Kirk never had to try, they just know each other and understand each other. AND damn, everything about SNW just confirms Spirk, but I wish ffs, that they would "canonize" it.

[electronickingdomfox]

Excerpt from "The Entropy Effect" by Vonda N. McIntyre

McCoy flung himself around, swinging his fist in a clumsy roundhouse punch. “Damn you, Spock! Damn you, damn you—” Spock grabbed his hand easily. McCoy kept on trying to hit him, flailing ineffectually against the science officer’s restraining strength. “Dr. McCoy, you know that I am right.” McCoy slumped, defeated. “You cannot hold him any longer. You did your best to save him, but from the moment he was wounded he could not be saved. This failure holds no shame for you, unless you prolong a travesty of life. Let him go, doctor, I beg you. Let him go.” The Vulcan spoke with penetrating intensity. McCoy looked up at him, and Spock pulled away, struggling to hide the powerful feelings of grief and despair that had come perilously close to overwhelming him. “Yes, Mr. Spock,” McCoy said, “you are right.” He opened the door of the quarantine chamber. Air sighed past him into the negative-pressure room, and he went inside. Spock followed. McCoy examined the EEG one last time, but he knew better than to hope for any change. The signal remained flat and colorless; all the tracings sounded the same dull tone. McCoy brushed a lock of hair from Jim’s forehead. He could hardly bear to look at his friend’s face anymore, because of the eyes. Precisely, deliberately, he went to work. Once he had made up his mind, his hands moved surely, unaffected by the liquor he had drunk. He withdrew the needles from Jim’s arm. The chemistry signals started changing their harmonies immediately. The oxygen tones fell, carbon dioxide rose; nothing filtered out the products of metabolic activity. The signal deteriorated from perfect harmony to minor chords, then to complete discord. McCoy removed the connections that would have restarted Jim’s heart when inevitably it failed. Finally, his teeth clenched hard, McCoy disconnected the respirator. Jim Kirk’s heart kept on beating, because the heart will keep on beating even if it is cut out of the chest; the muscle will contract rhythmically till the individual cells fall out of sync, the heart slips into fibrillation, and the cells die one by one. But the breathing reflex requires a nerve impulse. When McCoy turned off the respirator, Jim’s body never even tried to draw another breath. After the final, involuntary exhalation there was no struggle at all, and that, far more than the evidence of the machines, the persuasion of Spock, or his own intellectual certainty, finally convinced McCoy that every spark or whisper of his friend was dead. All the life-signs stabilized at zero, and the tones faded to silence. The doctor pulled a sheet over Jim’s face, over the dead gray eyes. McCoy broke down. Sobs racked him and he staggered, suddenly aware of just how much he had drunk. He nearly fell, but Spock caught him, and supported him in the nearest thing to an embrace that the Vulcan could endure. “Oh, god, Spock, how could this happen?” McCoy sank gratefully into darkness. Spock caught McCoy as he fell, and lifted him easily. Loss and regret pulled at Spock so strongly that he could not deny their existence; all he could do was keep them from showing outwardly. That did not lessen his private shame. His face set, he carried McCoy to one of the cubicles and eased him onto a bunk. He removed McCoy’s boots and loosened the fastenings of his sweat-stained uniform shirt, covered him with a blanket, and lowered the lights. Then, recalling the single, humiliating, inadvertent time he himself had become inebriated, Spock decided to stay until he was certain the doctor had not ingested enough ethanol to endanger his life. Spock sat in a chair near McCoy’s bed and rested his forehead against his hand.

Punch me right in the feelings. 😥

[maximoffcarter]

Only human.

Pairings: Casey Novak x Alex Cabot.

Summary: The return of Alexandra Cabot to New York City had been a complete secret, Alex not wanting to make it official in case she decided that it was too soon. But then, running into Casey Novak made her realize that maybe she could start over...or not.

A/n: So...we needed a bit angst, so this is angst. Maybe not the best story but, here is some angst and I am sorry in advance. I don't know what else to say about this one, just that more angst is on the way🫢 If you got any more requests, please send them my way guys, either on my asks box or message me privately! Hope you guys enjoy this, leave comments, hearts, whatever you like and reblog so this gets some love🫶🏻

*not my gif*

The return to New York City had definitely been a sudden decision, something that Alex was definitely not planning but at the end of the day, decided it was for the best since she didn’t want to live in a lie anymore. She knew she had to work in the trauma she lived; not only had she been pulled away from her family and friends, but she had been through a traumatic incident where she really believed she was going to die, the fact she lived had been nothing but luck. She was sent away from the place where she grew up, the place she knew, and she was locked in a house all by herself, and every day was a battle in her head. It was either fear, overthinking, depression or anxiety, there was no in between. She knew that they had allowed her to go out, to try to live her life normally, but how could she? Everywhere she looked, there were people looking over her to make sure she was safe, every man she saw, she thought maybe it was the person that shot her. She didn’t have a normal life anymore. It was taken away from her. That life she knew was long gone and there was nothing else she could do about it. She could try to have it back, but it would never be the same.  

Alex thought that accepting to work with Jack McCoy was her chance to start over and get that part of her life back. She had been fighting the urge to call the squad, part of her feeling that if she did, she’d just be forcing herself to be that someone they used to know but wasn’t there anymore. There was so much to what had happened, but she didn’t allow herself to talk about it, because if she did, she knew she’d open a wound that she’d never be able to close. She had meant to call Liz and let her know she was back in the world of law, but she knew that if she did, they’d ask her to go back to Sex Crimes, and she couldn’t do that; she couldn’t do that to Casey. The day she had met Casey, she had seen the passion and the dedication she had for the job, even if there was some jealousy, she couldn’t deny that she was happy that someone like Casey had taken over her spot, a spot she didn’t even think she wanted anymore.

For the first few weeks, she had avoided to present herself in court, only allowing the rest to take the cases, helping them through, and then letting them go to court. But they had a load of cases that were just piling up and she knew she had to do something about it, so, here she was; back in the place she had missed. She kept looking around hoping that she wouldn’t see any of the detectives around, she feared that if they saw her, the questions would start, and she wouldn’t know what to answer. She didn’t think she had any answers to their questions. She herself had her own questions and she never found an answer to them because she was not sure of anything; she was not sure of what she was doing. She sat in the empty courtroom waiting for it to be time for the arraignments to begin, she had been there earlier than expected, but if she waited outside, she might see someone she knew. What she didn’t expect was that even if she avoided to be outside, it wouldn’t be long before someone walked in the courtroom with her. Alex turned as the doors opened, startling her and then her heart stopped at the sight of the strawberry blonde.

“Alex?” Casey whispered softly.

Alex offered a small smile. “Hi Casey.”

Casey turned to look outside and then closed the door, walking to where Alex was sitting. “Are you…are you back?”

Alex nodded softly. “Uh…something like that.” She chuckled, looking up at Casey and patting the empty seat beside her. “You have arraignments here?”

Casey sat down and nodded, offering a small. “I do, actually.” She shook her head. “You haven’t told anyone that you’re back?”

“Not exactly. I’m working with Jack McCoy right now.” Alex smiled. “I uh…I just…I don’t want to let anyone know that I’m back. Not yet.”

Casey nodded. “I won’t say a thing.”

Alex smiled. “Thank you, Casey.”

“So…are you okay?” Casey raised her brow.

“I am.” Alex smiled as she looked at Casey. “How are you?”

For a moment they fell into comfortable silence before people started walking inside the courtroom and they had to start with the arraignments. Alex was thankful that she was called first, meaning that she’d be able to leave as soon as she was done, and she wouldn’t have to stay there for longer until she had to go back for trial. But as she finished, she looked at Casey and couldn’t help but sit down and watch her. The first time she saw her working had been when she came back for her own trial, and she had been quiet impressed by her and the dedication she had. So seeing her once again had gave her some sort of warmth and a feeling of safety. She couldn’t help but stay until the very end of her arraignment and once she figured out she was done, she walked outside of the courtroom and waited outside, thankful that the hallways were empty. She then heard the door and saw Casey walking out, once she noticed Alex, she smiled softly and walked to her.

“Thought you’d be gone by the time I finished.” Casey grinned.

“I was planning to but uh…I decided to stay a bit longer.” Alex smiled as she tilted her head, looking at Casey.

“Something stopped you from leaving?” Casey raised her brow curiously.

Alex nodded as she grinned. “I was…wondering…if you’d like to go out for dinner? Maybe…today or tomorrow. During the week? I don’t know how busy you are.” She chuckled.

Casey smiled softly as she nodded. “I have tonight free.”

“Great! Uh…I can…pick you up?”

Casey looked down at her briefcase and grabbed a pen and her business car, writing down her personal number, and then handing it to Alex. “Text me and I’ll send you my address.” She smiled.

Alex nodded softly as she looked down at the card. “Of course. I’ll see you tonight then.”

Casey nodded. “See you tonight, Cabot.” She grinned before she walked away. Leaving Alex with a smile on her face.

********************

Alex sighed softly as she hugged the blanket that she had around her body and she tried to push herself back to sleep. She then felt her back being kissed and she couldn’t help but smile, chuckling softly. “Thought you were still asleep.”

Casey smirked as she kissed her naked shoulder softly, right where her scar was. “I felt you moving, thought it was time to wake up.”

Alex turned to look at Casey and smiled softly. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Casey smiled as she leaned down to kiss her lips softly. “Slept well?”

Alex nodded as her hand went up to Casey’s cheek, stroking it softly. “I always do when you’re here.”

Casey smiled, turning to kiss Alex’s palm. “Can I ask you something?” Alex nodded. “What are we?”

Alex frowned. “What do you mean?”

Casey shrugged. “Exactly that. What are we? What is it that we’re doing? I just…” she sighed. “I don’t want to be reading the room wrong and then…say or do something that could ruin what we have. Because I don’t want that to happen.”

Alex sighed softly as she sat down, making Casey sit down too, green eyes still staring at her. “Do you want this to be more?”

Casey’s heart stopped for a moment, not sure what she was supposed to answer. “I- well. I mean…”

Alex chuckled. “Because I do.”

Casey’s face softened as she smiled. “You do?”

Alex nodded, her hand returning to Casey’s cheek. “I do. I’m happy whenever you’re here or whenever I see you. I really cannot think of a time I was this happy. So yes, I really do.”

“I do too.” Casey smiled. “I just didn’t know how to bring it up. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to be more or if you just wanted this to be something casual.”

Alex smiled as she leaned in, kissing Casey’s lips softly. “I’m sorry if I didn’t say anything.”

Casey nodded. “I’m just glad things are clear now.” She smiled as she kissed her lips slowly. “Breakfast?”

Alex smiled against her lips as she placed her hands on Casey’s neck, bringing her close to her. “Can I have you first?” She bit her lip.

Casey raised her brows. “Sounds good to me.” She smirked as she got on top of Alex and kissed her.

After that dinner, both women found themselves enjoying each other’s company more than they expected. Both would be lying if they said they hadn’t felt anything the first time they met. When they stayed at Casey’s office after talking to Antonio, both engaged into a deep conversation, a little about the case, a little about Alex’s incident and Casey’s time as the new ADA, and then they were talking about everything but nothing specific at the same time, just enjoying each other’s companies. And that’s exactly how their dinner went again, just laughing and making each other smile, making Alex feel like her idea of starting over could be actually happening. There was a second chance for her after all, and Casey was involved and now having her in her life, made things a bit easier, pushing away the negative thoughts, the doubts, and the questions. Everything seemed to be okay.

As for Casey, she couldn’t deny the guilt she felt to be hiding from the squad that Alex was back. She knew how much Alex meant to them and how sad they had been to know that Alex was gone once again, and they didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. The last thing she had expected was to run into Alex and become close to her. She thought she would never be able to get Alex’s attention, so she had been more than surprised when they started hanging out pretty often and their friendship turned into night meetings and those night meetings into something weekends spent together. Casey was scared to say the least, the last time she had been in a relationship, things had gone wrong, and she had to break it off, but somehow she knew Alex was different; she really prayed that things would be different, because she could actually see herself with Alex.

********************

Alex knew that sooner or later, all negative things that she had decided to put away in her own little imaginary box inside her head, would come out. One way or another, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to keep it inside for long, not when her job could trigger it, and she knew it, but she still thought she was strong enough to deal with it and to not let it get to her. After over a year of being back in New York, things seemed to be great; things with Casey were perfect, her job was actually good, her life seemed to start making sense little by little. But she hated the fact that her mind started playing tricks again, and all because of one particular case. She decided to continue with it, and she was actually able to finish it, but the whole process to it really took a toll on her, and now she was back to those negative thoughts.

It had been so long since she had gone through it, almost two whole years, and she was still stuck in time, she was still stuck in that moment. Did she really need to talk about her trauma to get over it? Did she really have to live it again just so she could forget it? She had everything. She was slowly getting everything back, and yet, she was still stuck. She was still in the past, and she hated it. But she didn’t want to be a burden, she didn’t want to accept that she had to talk about it. She didn’t want to accept that she had been a victim. What happened, happened. And she wanted to believe that, but her mind didn’t let her. But she couldn’t talk about it. Ever. Alex snapped out of her thoughts as she heard the door closing, looking up from her book to find Casey walking into the room, her eyes red and puffy.

“Baby?” Alex frowned as she placed the book beside her. “What happened?”

“I lost the case.” Casey sobbed. Alex tilted her head as she extended her arms. Casey dropped her stuff on the floor, not caring for it at the moment. She crawled to bed and into Alex’s arms. “I tried. I really did.”

Alex kissed her head softly. “I know. I know you did, my love.” She sighed softly as she wrapped her arms tightly around her. “You did everything you could.”

“Why does it never seem enough?” Casey whispered as she buried her face in Alex’s neck.

“I’m not sure.” Alex whispered softly as she closed her eyes, remembering that she had wondered about the same thing before she had gotten shot.

Casey then looked up at Alex, tears still rolling down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I know you also had a long day, I just-“

Alex shushed her, looking down at her and smiling softly. “I’m here for you.” She kissed her forehead softly. “I’m here.”

Casey smiled softly, leaned in to kiss her lips softly. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Alex smiled against her lips. “I really do.” She whispered, kissing her lips softly again.

Casey hated showing weakness. Whenever she felt the need to cry or break down, she had to step aside and be alone. She had waited the whole way from the court to their apartment to finally break down with Alex. It wasn’t the first time, but she still hated it, and she felt guilty. She knew Alex had her own baggage, even if she never talked about it. She always looked so put together, so calm about things, she knew she was also stressed and upset whenever cases didn’t go her way, or when people at the bureau didn’t cooperate at all, but Alex still managed to always be there for Casey and do everything in her power have everything in control. Which, at some point, made Casey think, but she never said anything. If Alex ever needed her, she would be there just like Alex was always there. They supported each other, they were there for each other, they worked so well together, and Casey was willing to keep that going.

********************

At first, it seemed like nothing. Casey slowly started noticing that Alex was slowly becoming colder as time passed, but she knew the stress came with the chief title. She tried to get Alex to talk about it, she tried to be there for her just like Alex was there for her whenever a case went wrong, but Alex always said that everything was okay, just work stuff and she wanted to focus on them and nothing else. And Casey accepted it. She didn’t want to push, she didn’t want to be that kind of person that said she understood and then kept being a pain in the ass about it. Alex would talk when she wanted to talk and that was it. And it worked for the first 2 months, until Alex started changing more.

Alex had her days where she’d come home late, and so did Casey, it was not uncommon, and they knew about it, they updated each other. But when Alex started staying at her office and not coming home, Casey started to worry. Alex barely left a text and then went back home as if it was the most normal thing. Casey tried asking, over and over again, but Alex said she just had a lot of work to do, and the conversation ended there. There was a point where Casey really believed that Alex had gotten tired of her and that maybe she was having an affair, but that was stupid. Alex was not that kind of person, she could never be that person, so she dropped it. Once or twice, Casey went to visit her at her office, she offered to help and stay with her, but Alex told her it was alright and they went home, getting in bed as if things were okay.

Alex tried her best to push away how she had started to feel, hating the fact that she was letting it take over her mind and body, and there was nothing she could do about it. She tried her best to move on from it and pretend like things were okay, but she was getting exhausted to be working at the bureau, she was exhausted that she had to deal with people that saw her as nothing other than a bitch. The cases were starting to get harder and there were more coming their way, and she was stressed. Casey was her home. She was the only person that actually brought a little light to her life, but she knew that if she turned off that light, she’d hate herself forever, so instead of dumping everything on her, she opted to deal with it herself.

Alex groaned at the sound of her phone, wanting to ignore it but it was the fifth time that she heard it. She grabbed it and without looking at the same, she answered. “What?”

“Oh…uh. Sorry. I just wanted to check on you.” Casey said softly, her voice almost quiet.

Alex sighed as she took off her glasses and rubbed her face. “Case, I’m sorry. I just…have a load of work, I thought it was one of the guys.”

“No I…I get it.” Casey cleared her throat. “So, are you staying more at the office?”

Alex bit her lip as she thought for a moment. “I’m sorry. I am.”

“You should probably take a pillow and a blanket. You’ve been sleeping more there than here.” Casey snapped, and then fell into silence.

“Casey…I’m sorry. Really. I’ll make it up to you.” Alex said softly as she shook her head, knowing that what she was doing was wrong.

“So, another ‘make it up to you’ to the list. I’ll have to start a new paper. How many more are you gonna give me?”

Alex threw her head back as she heard Casey’s voice. “I really am. I pro-“

“No. Save it. I don’t need you to make more promises that won’t happen. Guess I’ll see you in the morning.”

Before Alex could say anything else, Casey hung up the call, making Alex threw her phone. “Fuck!” She screamed at the top of her lungs, covering her face as she felt tears running down her cheeks.

What would’ve happened if she had stayed with her fake life for just a little longer? What if she had actually seek help back then and work on everything that she was feeling? What if she had declined this offer and just taken her time to slowly come back to this world? What if she had focused on herself instead of pretending that she was okay? There were so many what if’s in her mind, so many unanswered questions. Why were they unanswered? Why couldn’t she just push herself to talk and seek help? Why couldn’t she do more? What was stopping her? Her depression? Her anxiety? Her PTSD? Why couldn’t she get her life together so she could get better? Not only for her, but for Casey. Why couldn’t she be okay?

********************

Alex sighed as she closed the door quietly, staying there for a little longer as she tried to calm down from the anger radiating in her whole body. She had just lost an important case, and everyone were staring at her with disappointment in their faces, with anger, as if it had been her decision to lose, as if they had any right to talk to her like she was just another employee. Maybe they were right, maybe she didn’t deserve that spot, maybe she didn’t deserve to be there, maybe she had pushed herself too soon and she was not supposed to be back in the world of law. Maybe she should’ve stayed where she was. She took a deep breath as she finally let go of the doorknob and took off her coat, putting it on the rack along with her briefcase. She walked slowly into the apartment, looking around to see if she could find Casey anywhere, but the whole apartment was dark, except for their bedroom. She slowly walked to it, opening the door slowly, smiling a little as she noticed Casey was sitting on the bed, her back to Alex.

“Case?” Alex asked softly, smiling as she walked to her, but her smile faded as soon as Casey looked back at her. Puffy, red eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Casey, what happened?”

Casey took a deep, shaky breath as she looked at Alex. “What’s going on, Alex?”

Alex frowned. “I don’t…I don’t know what you mean.”

Casey scoffed as she looked away. “You know how long it’s been since we’ve gone out?” She sighed. “2 months. You tried to make it up. Brought me my favorite coffee and a stuffed animal. We went out…had a nice dinner. Just like the very first time we went out together.” She looked back up at Alex. “And then, everything went back to the same damn thing.”

Alex sighed. “Casey, I can explain.”

“You know, for a moment I thought that maybe you were cheating on me.” Casey chuckled. “And you wanna hear the funny part? Is that I wished that it was that.” She nodded. “Maybe it would be easier to accept that you just…didn’t want me anymore.” She squinted her eyes as she tilted her head. “Am I a burden, Alex? Do you regret dating me and me moving in with you?”

“Casey, that’s not it.”

“Then what the fuck is it?” Casey stood up, making Alex take a step back. “Did I do something for you to not want me anymore? Did I say something? I just-“ She huffed a chuckle. “Fuck, Alex, I don’t know what’s happening. To us. To you. I’m so confused and I don’t know how else to ask you, because even if I try, you won’t say anything. You say things are okay, that we’re okay. We’re not okay, Alex! Nothing seems to be okay!”

Alex shook her head as she looked away. “No. Nothing is okay.”

Casey nodded as she let more tears roll down her cheeks. “What did I do, Alex? What…why are you not talking to me?”

Alex felt tears in her own eyes, sighing as she shook her head. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Casey. I don’t know if I did things right. If I’m doing things right.” She sobbed. “I don’t know what’s happening.”

“And why don’t you talk to me?”

“Because I don’t know what to say!” Alex snapped as she looked back at Casey. “I don’t know what to do, what the hell I’m supposed to do! I don’t know if I’m even supposed to be doing this! Any of this! I don’t know who I am anymore!”

Casey walked to Alex, raising her hand but then taking it back, not sure if she wanted to touch Alex. “I told you. I’m here for you. Why won’t you come to me like I come to you?”

“I can’t, Casey.” Alex looked down as she shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Alex, I’m your partner. I’m your girlfriend. I should-“

“You remind me of what I lost!” Alex snapped.

Silence surrounded them then. It seemed like the world had stopped. It took a moment for Alex to process what she had said, her mouth spoke before she could even think twice. And then it hit her. She didn’t mean that. Casey was her home. Casey was the light she needed in her life. Why had she said that?

“Casey-“

“Is that why you…” Casey sobbed as she took a step back. ‘…is that why you wanted to go out with me? Why you kept coming back to me? You…you thought that I was your way to come back to your old life? What…I just don’t get it. What did you want from me? What do you want from me, Alex?” She cried out as she stared at Alex the whole time.

Alex shook her head. “I’m lost, Casey.” She whispered. “I’m…I’m lost.”

“And I remind you of what you lost.” Casey repeated. “I remind you…of the job you lost…the life you lost…and what were you expecting from me?”

“I didn’t expect anything. I didn’t mean what I said. I’m…I’m stressed. There is so much going on, I need…I need help, Casey. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know if this is the life I want!”

Casey stared at her for a moment as she tried to process the words. “You don’t know…if you want me in your life.” She said quietly.

Alex stared at her and shook her head. “That’s not what I mean.”

“It’s exactly what you mean.” Casey scoffed as she wiped her tears. “I get it, Alex. And you know…I wanted to help you. I wanted…” she nibbled on her lip as she tried to make up her words. “I wanted to be here for you, no matter what. But I’m…I’m so tired of waiting. I’m so tired of trying to be here, and you push me away. I don’t want to pretend that things are okay anymore. I don’t want to pretend that I can still be happy if you keep pushing me away.”

Alex’s heart sank as she stared at Casey. “Casey…please.”

Casey shook her head. “No.”

Alex sobbed. “I’ll get better. I’ll- I’ll be better. For us.” She walked to Casey and grabbed her hands. “Casey…I need you.”

Casey shook her head as she looked away from Alex, avoiding her stare. “You need to get better for you, Alex. Not for us or for me.” She whispered softly. “I cannot keep doing this.”

Alex placed her hand on Casey’s cheek, trying to make her look at her. “I’m sorry. Please. I- please, Casey. I love you.”

Casey looked up at Alex then, green eyes locked in blue eyes. “And I love you. But I can’t do this.” She took a deep breath before she walked away from Alex.

Alex sobbed as she looked around, her body shaking as she tried to figure out what she was supposed to do. She looked back and ran after Casey. “Casey! Please! Don’t leave like this! We can work this out!”

Casey grabbed her bag and her briefcase, turning back to look at Alex, her hand already in the doorknob. “I wanted to work it out, Alex. But you kept pushing me away. And I…I don’t know if I believe that you’ll let me in.” She sobbed. “I’m sorry, Alex.” She opened the door and walked out of the apartment.

Alex dropped to her knees as she stared at the door, sobbing uncontrollably as she felt her body shaking. “What did I do?” She whispered softly.

[ivorydragoness44]

Doctor Leonard McCoy x Reader: Practice

Word Count: 766 Warnings/Notes: Established new romantic relationship, a little angst in the Reader being initially anxious to kiss Leonard for the first time, eventual kissing. Patient and understanding Leonard. Use of pet name: darlin’. Summary: The Reader and Leonard are studying, but he’s having a difficult time. Through the Reader’s intent listening encouragement, Leonard wants to kiss the Reader for the first time but finds that they are very much new to such a thing.

~~~~  ~~~~  ~~~~  ~~~~

   Starfleet Academy, the highway to your future and your current state of anxiety. Some of the time, at least. Studying, learning, everything was essential and crucial.    The unexpected, however, was the man now standing in front of you. Friends, you expected with great hope during your time there. A caring partner was not even on your list of expectations or what-if scenarios.    Doctor Leonard McCoy paced through your assigned dorm room before making his way back to you. “How the hell am I supposed to memorize, much less learn, these star maps? No matter how they arrange the stars on these maps, they all look the damn same.” The crease on his brow was beginning to appear permanent, and his face flushed in his state. “Charting stars, maps, whatever the hell they are, I can’t do. The human body, any body, is far easier. Gimme a medical problem and I’ll solve it. But this,” he sighed. Looking at you now, his brows furrowed differently, his eyes softer. “Are you just letting me vent, or are you that great of a listener?”    “Both,” you smiled, coaxing out one of his own. “You can’t force the information into your brain. You need to take it slow.”    Leonard huffed, “There’s a test in two weeks.”    “You know what I mean. Maybe…put it into a medical perspective or something in terms that you’ll understand. Like, pretend it’s parts of a body. Whether it be the stars as blood cells…or a nebula or a star cluster as tissue, whatever works for you.” Moving, you stood up and took a step toward him. “I mean, come on, Leonard, you’re ridiculously smart. You’re a doctor and a surgeon for more than just humans, you’ll figure this out. Just give yourself the time that you need.”

   Leonard ducked his head and smiled for a moment. As he looked back into your eyes, he placed his hands to your arms and slid them down to hold your hands. “You, darlin’, are the absolute sweetest. I don’t remember meeting someone as encouraging as you, ever.”    Taking a step closer, he was very much in your personal space. You caught the way his eyes darted down to your lips more than once, making your heart-rate pick up. After a moment, you realized that you started to do the same thing. As he leaned in slowly, you could feel your heart pounding throughout your chest. Your nerves were skyrocketing.   When his eyes began to close and his breath was upon you, you moved. In the next second, your hand was on his chest. Palm flat, yet firm. “Wait,” you squeaked out quietly.    Leonard stopped. With his head pressed lightly to yours, he waited.    A breath passed between you. “I’m sorry,” you said hardly above a whisper.    “No, no. Don’t be. Talk to me. Was I…coming on to strong?”    “No, I-just-…I’ve never been in a relationship before, so I don’t really know how to do the whole..kissing thing.”    At your open honesty, he smiled fondly. “We don’t have to rush into anything, especially if you’re uncomfortable. I’m certainly in no rush, darlin’.”    “Thank you, Leonard. I appreciate that.”    “May I kiss your cheek?”    You looked down briefly, feeling a rush of bashfulness. “Yes.”    Moving steadily, as to not startle you, he pressed a soft kiss to your cheek.    “I guess I just have to get used to this sort of closeness,” you said. “Well, not need to, but I want to.”    He gently nuzzled his face by yours. “Well, if you ever need someone for the practice—”    You laughed at his words. “Leonard, you’ll be the only one.”    “I promise not to let it get to my head.”    Tentatively, you kissed his cheek.    He brought your other hand to his chest. “Do you want to try? I’m probably not the best teacher, but I sure as hell will try.”    You gave a small nod. “Okay.”    His hands delicately cupped your face. Such warm hands.    Your heart-rate had since slowed. Feeling unhurried, and not surprised. Lips brushing softly over yours, you attempted to duplicate the action. After the third, you felt him smile before pressing more firmly and taking up your upper lip between his. You replicated the action with his bottom lip.    Humming, he whispered with a stronger southern drawl. “Darlin’, you had nothing to worry about.”    “I guess I’m just a fast learner,” you said with a shy smirk.    Leonard kissed the tip of your nose tenderly. “Well, my lips will be waiting for whenever you have the time.”

~~~~  ~~~~  ~~~~  ~~~~

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, maybe consider reblogging?

[living-dead-girl7]

montgomery scott (scotty, star trek can be tos or aos) x reader

not proofread, probably typos and errors

The Enterprise engine room buzzes around Scotty’s ears, a white noise to him that he's sure he could fall asleep to if he had the resolve to sleep for once. At the current time, he is idly tinkering away at some long put off project that holds no true significance, but he can’t give himself a moment of rest, fearing something will always happen. The doors adjacent to his office open with a light ‘swoosh,’ and Scotty can hear the light pattering of boots across the floor. He leans back in his chair expecting a red shirt to barge in saying they can't seem to figure out how to fix one of the replicators, and will inevitably find himself hunched over shoving wire back into the right position. He will never deny his love of the ship, but god can she be stubborn. 

A gentle rap in the door frame breaks him from his trance. To his surprise, it's not a red shirt, but his favorite medical officer leaning casually against the frame with a soft smile full of affection, that he finds himself returning. 

‘“Hey lass, what brings you ‘ere?”

The officer in blue pushes herself off from the door and rounds the corner to sit in front of him at his desk. Scotty finds himself, without thought, gently resting his hands on her sides as she is perched at his desk. “Just wanted to see my favorite engineer.”

The Scotsman lets out a heartfelt laugh, it's far from condescending, it's a gut laugh that radiates pure adoration and affection. His hands that rest at your sides soothing find their way to your arms, gently running them up and down the length of them. A tender moment that is hidden from the bustling energy of the ship. With a gentle squeeze and soft peck, Scotty reluctantly lets you go, knowing McCoy would be hollering about his top psychologist being gone for too long. Just before you part ways, Scotty feels a gentle tug at his sleeve, a well rehearsed dance that he finds himself smiling fondly at. 

“Hmm?” Murmurs the Scotsman

“Remember, you are off at 5 today, and so I am…I am expecting my favorite engineer to be cuddled up with me tonight…” The idea makes Scotty smile fondly, 

“Aye.”

With that, the woman in blue parts with him, but not without one last peck to his cheek and and soft goodbye full of what can only be described as a deep set of adoration

Hours pass in a blur and amazingly, at 5:15 Scotty finds himself kicking his boots off in his quarters as his favorite blue shirt waltz’s in, gazing happily at her Scotsman. Uniforms now discarded into the nearest hamper, the two officers are curled up under the covers. Scotty in some sweatpants and an old t-shirt he can’t remember where he got it from, and his medical officer in his old academy shirt and probably some long forgotten pair of shorts he didn't even realize he owned. Scotty sighs contently as her head slots between his shoulder and neck, his arms snaking tightly around her middle to pull her as close as possible, and their legs tangled together, desperately searching for each other's warmth. A soft mumble comes from her mouth, 

“How was your day?” 

The scotsman sighs, and with a grumble in his accent you are so fond of, “It was alright, some new engineers, that I don’t even know how graduated from the academy, can't figure our how to properly wire the replicator and-” 

Scotty stops mid sentence as he realizes his girl is softly sleeping. Her eyelashes resting against her cheek so softly he can't help but smile. The way her lips part slightly as she breathes makes his heart skip a beat. He feels like a teenager again, despite his complaints about his back and knees, feeling like a lovesick puppy at the mere thought of you. He finds solace in you, a breath of fresh air in the stale and artificial atmosphere of the ship. His thoughts wander to why you, a breathtaking, young, smart, and enchanting girl choose him, a grumpy and old redshirt who likes to drink and fiddle with the ship. An odd pair in his opinion, but you will never hear any complaints from him. Jim says that you two are the sun and moon, rain and shine, night and day, two people destined for each other no matter what, without one, the other can’t exist. 

As you sleep soundly for once, a velvet box is tucked away into the nightstand on Scotty's side of the bed. He smiles at the thought of you walking down the aisle on your wedding day, glowing as you smile up at him. One day it will happen, he knows, he loves you too much to not see it through.

[t0ast-ghost]

Time for episode 27 (Errand Of Mercy) all I know is it’s something to do with Klingons.

Hoppin’ to it:

- War happened so fast

- SULU IN CHARGE OF THE BRIDGE! YEAHH

- It’s so funny how the welcomer has such a short name, and then Kirk is like I am captain, James T Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, blah blah blah

- okay guys, who painted the goats? Real funny

- I kinda like how chill the council is

- WHAT THE FUCK?? Those are literally just a bunch of guys..

- THEIR OUTFITS IM SCREAMING (they look like Merlin and Arthur holy moly. Kept them in their yellows and blues which I love and respect)

- “He is not a spy.” oh my fucking god you’re terrible at this Kirk. Can’t let Spock go for one second istg

- “I don’t trust men who smile too much.” that’s a pretty good rule of thumb to have tbh

- he’s so pretty oh my he’s so- my heart

- “He’s my friend.” BRO CAN YOU BE WORSE AT BEING UNDERCOVER??? Okay but the soft look that Spock gives after is amazing

- Kirk’s dramatic ass

- They invaded his brain what the fuck

- Kirk trying to get into a fight AGAIN.. Spock is like smh gotta save this idiot

- “You didn’t really think I was gonna beat his head in, did you?” “I thought you might.” “You’re right.”

- Kirk hid lying against stairs. Spock literally ran behind a tree. I don’t understand how they think this will work, and more I don’t understand how it does work

- lmao both Kirk and the Klingon commander hating on the councilman

- The scales are off the charts

- Once again it is brought up how Kirk is just like the enemy and that they are animalistic and predators. It’s interesting to see the shows and when these episodes occur where they are set in space (usually on a planet similar to earth) and technology is so advanced but they bring in the idea that no matter how advanced we get we will always go back to instincts, we will always want to fight.

- “Go climb a tree.” This bitch. Get it I guess.

- My favourite part of this show is how they shave the sideburns to be points.

- AHHH OUTFITS

- “7824.7 to one. I endeavour to be accurate.” “You do quite well.” Holy crap just kiss

- I like when the extreme heat started it quickly flipped back to the enterprise crew jumping up out of their seats

- They sound like children trying to pick fights and Ayelborne is a very tired parent that needs to get involved

- wow a whole episode without McCoy

- “Even the gods didn’t spring into being over night.” Good line from Spock

That was an… interesting episode..

Masterpost.

[darkness-and-books]

Star Trek (TOS)

so I was making bracelets the other day and I thought of these. They’re just some little headcanons for how some of my favourite TOS characters would react if you made them a bracelet (when you guys are dating and not public) SFW

James T. Kirk

You 100% stole an Enterprise emblem pin off of something to use as a charm on it.

The beads are arranged in a pattern of one plain yellow bead and then one yellow bead with glitter in it (rinse and repeat pattern)

when he sees it he’s kinda surprised, but only for a moment before absolutely melting 🫠.

he can’t believe you thought of him while doing crafts because he knows you do crafts to unwind after a long day.

is not nearly as concerned as he should be about where exactly the pin came from

Will get very upset and hide away until he finds it again if he ever loses it

“This is for me?” He sounds a bit floored, “umm, yeah, it’s okay if you don’t like it, I could-“ he doesn’t let you finish your sentence. “No, no, no! I love it!” He quickly slipped it onto his wrist before you could even think to take it back.

A couple of weeks later you assume that he probably took it off and left it somewhere in his quarters to be forgotten

but he would NEVER dare take it off

you honestly almost cry when you see him still wearing it

When you bring it up he’s a little insulted no he’s not that you would even think that it would leave him ever

Jim is riled up about something as he’s talking to Spock and you were listening, but then he put his hands down on the table in front of him and you noticed something. He was still wearing the bracelet you made him! Of course, McCoy being McCoy, he has also noticed this and has to put something in about. “I get that you love the Enterprise, but isn’t that a bit much?” Leonard shouts across from across the bridge. Kirk turns a slight shade of pink at the jest, but does a surprisingly good job of ignoring it. Later when he leaves the bridge you run up to him and give him the biggest hug you can manage. “I know I’m irresistible, but this a little unusual, even for you, sweetheart” Jim jokes, “You’re still wearing it” you say softly into his shoulder. It takes him a moment to catch onto what you’re talking about, but when he does, he lets out a soft chuckle that you can feel rumble through his chest. “Of course I am” he whispered into your hair as he gave you a kiss on the head.

Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy

You have a bit of a harder time trying to figure out what charm to put on his bracelet

you definitely spend a long while overthinking because you want it to be perfect

one night as you’re about to go to bed though the perfect idea hits you

its so brilliant and yet so simple

you decide on a little femur 🦴 charm, actually two, so it’s plural just like his nickname

You’d use black and blue beads and put one of each colour between the two charms to separate them a little.

At first he doesn’t even look up at you because he’s going through some medical records.

so in a small fit of anxiety you toss it on his desk and literally run away before he can look and see how stupid cutesy it is

When he does see it though he makes heart eyes at it😍

His, no backsies

Pretends to go back to work after slipping it on is secretly kicking his feet and bubbling up inside

He will track you down after his shift to thank you for it because he LOVES it

“I brought you something” you softly announced, “just a second, darlin’ I’ve some forms to finish” he really didn’t mean to dismiss you, he just couldn’t afford to loose his train of thought just then. There was a clatter on the desk in front of him and before he could properly process the event you had disappeared. He looked up from his padd to see a little bracelet with two bone charms on it, on his desk. For a brief second he smiled ear to ear, it was so quick that any nurse passing by would have sworn it was a hallucination. He quickly put his padd down to put the bracelet on and then quickly pretended to go back to his work. Later, after his shift, he finally found you in your quarters. Your door swooshed open and you looked up. “Oh, hi” you blushed as you saw McCoy. He sat down next to you and kissed you on one cheek, then the other, and finally gave a quick peck to your lips before thanking you. “I love it so much, darlin’, thank you” he declares as he gives you another kiss.

You’re entirely certain that he only wore it for a little while to humour you and it was probably sitting in the drawer of his nightstand now

he just doesn’t strike you as the kind to wear jewellery.

boy are you wrong though, he’s an absolute sap sentimental

Would eat a tricorder rather than willingly take it off

You scraped your knee up when the Enterprise hit some unexpected turbulence. It seriously barely even bled, but Leonard still RAN to you. He had you sit down on a biobed while he inspected your knee. When he reached up with some disinfectant you noticed he was wearing the bracelet. Your heart leapt as you reached for his wrist. “I know that disinfectant stings, darlin’, but you still have to let me clean it for you” he insisted. You pulled his wrist up to your lips and placed a kiss right on his pulse point, “You’re still wearing the bracelet!” You softly exclaimed. Leonard looked at his wrist before looking lovingly into your eyes. “Of course I am, it’s amazing, thoughtful, and reminds me of the girl I love” he cooed, “but I still have to disinfect your scrape” he raised an eyebrow at you as he slowly pulled his wrist away from your face.

Spock

This gives you soo much anxiety to do

what if he doesn’t like it? Or doesn’t understand? Or doesn’t like it because it’s “highly illogical”?

Sure he’s half Vulcan, but he’s also half human

in the end you decide on a charm of the Vulcan salute 🖖, which you picked up on a shore leave awhile back

unlike with the other two, you had decided on some very nice glass beads instead of the big plastic ones, they’re sort of marbled various shades of blue

(Maybe like these) I put a link in the picture to them on Amazon in case anyone decides they actually want them

You definitely hold onto this bracelet for what feels like way too long before you muster the courage to give it to him

You probably give it to him when he’s looking a bit down, or as down as he would ever allow himself to look

he probably turns a light shade of green when you give it to him

not that he’s actually sure why you’ve given it to him or what it means, but you gave it to him and for about 30 seconds that’s all he actually cares about

which might be a record amount of time for him to go without following a logical thought process to its exhaustion

internally warms him, he finds it endearing, feels the need to gift you something in return

As you hand it to Spock he slowly raises an eyebrow before turning the slightest shade of green and putting it on with so much care, as if one breath might shatter every bead now resting on his wrist. He clears his throat slightly before starting, “It’s very nice, why are you giving it to me?” He doesn’t mean it as an insult he just assumes he must have done something to deserve it. “Oh, it’s okay if you don’t like it or want it” you wilt a bit at the idea that you were entirely wrong in thinking that it would cheer him up. “Oh no it’s quite lovely, really” he insists, you smile a little still not sure of his words “okay”

You’re pretty sure he took it off as soon as you turned around and had probably been haphazardly tossed somewhere in his quarters, if not directly in the trash 🗑️

you just don’t think he even likes the concept of it, let alone your tacky one

entirely incorrect in that thought process

logically explains it to anyone who asks about it: “My wearing it, assures the person who gave it to me of my affections for them” sounds cold, but he came up with an explanation, basically as good as married now.

would cut off his own ear before he would part with it

As you walk by you can hear things getting shoved around in Spock’s quarters. You run in assuming that some kind fight is going on. You’re both relieved and confused to find him alone, but still in an odd state of disarray. “Umm, are you alright?” You ask “It’s nothing, Y/N. I’ve just misplaced something” Spock informs you. Nothing my ass, you think to yourself “Are you sure? It’s kind of a mess in here” You point out “What have you lost?” You inquire. He turns green from his cheeks to his ears. “I seem to have.. erm… misplaced my bracelet” he murmurs the last part and your heart flutters at the thought that he cared enough to not only notice it was gone, but then also to tear apart his quarters looking for it. “Well when was the last time you had it?” You asked, knowing full well that he had probably already been through that thought process. “I was wearing it when I went to sleep last night” he admits sheepishly, “did you shake out your bedding?” You look over to see his bed stripped down “Yes, that was the first thing I did”. “What about under the bed?” You look back to him and he’s turned an even brighter green, “No, I hadn’t thought to do that yet” he reveals, “would you mind looking for me? You would fit better than I would” he requested. “Of course” you complied as you got down on the floor to look under the bed. “Bingo!” you exclaimed before sliding under the bed to reach it. When you stand up again he snatches it away and puts it back on before going to reorganise his room. You smile to yourself. He’d never be caught dead admitting it, but he nearly had a heart attack this morning when he realised it was missing.

sorry it might not be any good, hope you kinda like it anyway, thanks!

[spirk-trek]

Nome Fanzine | Judi (1987), Humberto Garcia (1980), Ellen L Kobrin & Lydia Moon (1981)

--keep reading for poems in plain text--

McCoy by Judi

When you came to me that night so very long ago, I sensed a puzzlement, A need to know and understand… Interpret your own upwelling rush of --Dare I say it--feeling.

So I became your translator, Spock, Your standard giver and the measure against which you Calibrated your thoughts and--there, I said it again-- Feelings.

You placed me in the role of lowest common denominator. I was the pit of emotional, wallowing humanity; You were the cleanly slicing pendulum, Oftimes drawing blood with your steely sharp logic, Cutting out the dross, occasionally sparking pure metal.

You read my face and eyes, Storing information away For that longed-for instant, Hoped-for opportunity of a dream-come-true day, When you could love Jim, Somewhere other than in the black crypt of your soul.

And that moment came, No fixed date or time, It was a knowing, an awareness of a passion unchanged, unchained, Sought and claimed in the fullness of your time.

The ransom of your love set you free, But locked me in a cell of desolation, No longer sought, no longer read… No longer valued-- So I said The price of your desire--McCoy forsaken.

But chance encounter and predestination, The needs of the many enmeshed with deadly radiation, I was there and so were you, You gave all you had to give and I received all that I could hold, To keep safe and warm, Until called forth to-- Remember.

No Vulcan ritual can exorcise these tangled thoughts, Yours and mine, Of warmth and tender consolation mingled with Precisely logical explanations; Knowing this about ourselves, We can reach, love, heal and--no longer fearing-- meld.

You can say you love me, Not with voice or face or gesture, But eyes can speak, Minds can smile, Spirits can be held in loving arms Bestowing completion to our lives- And I know I am cherished and no longer forsaken. -- -- --

Lament of the Other by Lydia Moon

"Physician, heal thyself," the maxim goes. More truth has ne'er been said. No other soul Can e'er relieve me of the pain that grows As all the years demand their rightful toll. My friends believe they understand my heart. They pass the gruff exterior, and see That neath the face I show, there is a part Too vulnerable ever to set free. But even they can never know the full Extent of this great loneliness I bear. The times when I would welcome Lethe's pull. To give surcease from pain no one can share. I cannot heal myself, and so I keep My true despair inside me, buried deep.

[cherikdogfood]

Cherik Ashes of Love AU:

Charles is the sweet, innocent grape fairy whose mother is actually the deceased Flower God. When his mother gave birth to him, she gave him a medicine that made him unable to fall in love.

Erik is the Crown Prince of the Heavens.

En Sabah Nur is Erik's half brother and rival.

Sebastian Shaw is Erik's father, the Heavenly God who was once infatuated with Charles' mother (Sharon) but ended up marrying Emma Frost.

Charles meets Erik, who crashes into his garden by accident. Erik obviously falls in love with this cute fairy and wants to propose, even though he knows his mother won't approve of him marrying a small fairy.

En Sabah Nur also meets Charles and he *wants* Charles too, flirting and everything.

While these two brothers flirt with Charles, though, Charles is neutral with both of them and never shows preference or like towards one or the other. In fact, Charles is so innocent and naive he has no idea those two are flirting with him. (This is, ofc, because of the medicine his mother gave him. He can't feel love.)

Charles' bestie, Raven (a snake fairy) brings him to the Heavens and they accidentally meet Shaw and Emma.

Shaw and Emma are stunned because Charles looks 99% like his dead mother, and Shaw is *convinced* that Charles is his and Sharon's son. He's so kind to Charles and dotes on him.

Emma isn't pleased. Emma finds out Erik is in love with Charles.

She tells him Charles is, most likely, his half brother, because y'know, Shaw couldn't keep it in his pants. Erik is devastated and says goodbye to Charles, because they can never be together.

Meanwhile, En Sabah Nur has taken a different approach and he's getting close with Charles' guardian (Hank McCoy), and he finds out that no, Charles isn't Shaw's son, his father is Brian Xavier. He's elated, of course, and doesn't tell Erik.

Meanwhile, Emma, who hates Sharon (because Shaw was soo in love with Sharon at that time) also hates Charles and wants to get rid of him.

Anyway, blablabla Erik finds out Charles isn't his brother and he's ecstatic and continues to pursue Charles, and Charles starts to feel *something* towards Erik, but is it love?? Charles has no idea.. (the effects of the medicine are pretty strong, but Charles' feelings for Erik are growing day by day...)

Blablabla relationship develops, ESN is a third wheel, Shaw is creepy as fuck, and one day Charles' mentor/guardian, Hank McCoy, dies.

Charles mistakenly thinks it's Erik who killed Hank, (this is ESN scheming in the background). Charles swears revenge.

So when ESN proposes marriage, Emma and Shaw agree to the marriage, and Charles doesn't object.

Erik is furious, he's had this rivalry with ESN for years, cuz ESN wants to be the Crown Prince and is jealous of Erik.. and now ESN is taking Charles, his Charles. Erik is pissed and plans to stop the wedding.

A few days before the wedding Erik visits Charles and asks him, like, do you truly want to marry ESN? Charles says no, I am in love with you. Erik is overjoyed and promises to stop the wedding.

Wedding day arrives, Erik leads his soldiers to invade the palace and stop the wedding, he and ESN are fighting head to head, and then!!! Dramatic music... Charles stabs Erik. In the chest.

Charles is crying and his chest hurts and he just stabs Erik even deeper and Erik is crying and asking why? And ESN is laughing on the sidelines. Shaw and Emma are stunned.

Charles says "I've never loved you, Erik," and Erik collapses, he's dying. And then Charles collapses too and his heart hurts so much and he has no idea why. He's avenged Hank, he's done the right thing, right? So why does his chest hurt so much?

Charles' love for Erik is practically overflowing, and plus the stress of everything that's happened Charles just starts coughing and he coughs up that medicine his mom gives him, and he passes out.

When he wakes up ESN tells him Erik is dead, and without the medicine Charles is feelings things he never felt before, his heart hurts so much and he needs Erik to hug him and--

Charles just has a breakdown. He's never had feelings before and suddenly it all comes crashing down on him and he doesn't understand a thing.

He's hysterical, almost insane and manic. Meanwhile, ESN realizes he's had feelings (real feelings) for Charles all this time and he tries to make Charles calm down and just stay with him. Too bad Charles is just, he feels broken.

Meanwhile Emma and Shaw have a big fight, and ESN kills Shaw and imprisons Emma in an isolated tower.

Why does he hate Emma? Cuz Emma killed his birth mother a long time ago. In fact, Emma also killed Erik's birth mother, Eddie, but Emma and Eddie used to be best friends, so after Eddie died, Emma took care of Erik as if he was her own son.

Meanwhile Erik isn't dead. He managed to survive somehow, and he's heartbroken. He swears revenge on Charles and ESN.

(how about... This ends in mutual destruction?)