#i am afraid that i do not understand why ppl are so against it

[piplupod]

[whispering nervously] hey i feel like this is the equivalent of throwing a beehive at a bear, but i genuinely do not understand what is going on with the latest queer label discourse,,, why is calling urself a mspec gay/bi lesbian/etc such an issue ?

[our-trans-punk-experience]

What does it really mean to be a "punk?" Is it a subculture? An ideology? Both? Something else?

It seems very interesting to me but I'm afraid that it'll turn into something where I have to sacrifice myself for the cause/scene/group or something. I'm not doing that. Period. I want to do stuff, you know? I want to fight. I want to make music. But I don't want to worship an idol of rigid Marxist analysis that asserts itself as the one true way of understanding our world as well as the one true moral framework. Not that I'm a big fan of morality anyways. I'm not joining The Christian Church 2.0. I'm not hanging with the bougie college kids who worship labor and workers.

I like anarchism because I want to do whatever I want. Period. It is a distinctly egoistic affair for me- think max stirner. That's not to say that I'm going to ignore critical theory stuff entirely (as I myself am a neurodivergent queer). I want to learn about the struggles of POC, queer people, neurodivergent people, et cetera so that I can resist against society and government. However, I don't want to be some kind of liberal politically-correct type that brings up their own identity in unrelated topics because they want to feel important. I'm not a twitter user.

I already know that I can do with concepts whatever I like. If I don't want to be "punk" then that's not going to stop me from being anarchist. People who feel the need to attach themselves to subcultures because they wanna feel correct and agreeable are fuckin' dweebs. What I want to know is what's in it for me. Why should I be "punk?"

OkOk tysm for being so engaged i love when ppl rlly are not afraid to grill me for information

1: Punk is a subculture, with a variety of politics in the scene, united by non-conformity and being anti-establishment / anti-authority.

2: You should in no way have to sacrifice anything about yourself, your style, or your politics to be punk. The whole idea is non-conformity so you do not have to meet any sort of criteria for style, music, or politics except the aforementioned [on a separate note i just answered an ask on punk politics, but could make another more in depth punk politics post on request].

2a: If someone on the scene gives you shit for enjoying showtunes and britpop alongside black flag and x-ray spex then that person is a wanker

2b: If someone in the scene gives you shit for wearing a battle vest with an mcr patch or a logo from a tv show you like alongside your eat the rich stitch-on then that person is a wanker

2c: if someone in the scene gives you shit for being punk in the "wrong way" then they are the one who doesn't understand what it means to be punk. they are, say it with me, a wanker

3: yeah dw, punk is not in any way synonymous w champagne socialist theory purists like you fear, its about action and small acts of resistance and mutual aid more than holding out on doing anything helpful bc it isnt a great communist revolution. we are the revolution

4: I like that you've done your reading. just as an aside.

5: yes I'd say esp nowadays (less so in the 70s) punk is a scene that has a strong focus on queer rights movement. The original punk focuses were more about class and race tensions, but as the subculture has evolved, the fight has become about standing up for anyone getting screwed over by the fuckers on top. you are in the right place for learning about the struggles facing multiple groups and how you can help them for sure

6: fear not, becoming a punk does not mean you have to join twitter

7: "I already know that I can do with concepts whatever I like." Good. You've got the hard part down already.

8: Your final point, on why you should be punk, has a bunch of different answers. Be punk bc its a great gender neutral term of address. Be punk because it'll make it easier for you to find cool ppl u get on with. Be punk bc we have good music. Be punk because DIYing your clothes is very rewarding. Be punk because it's an amazing community. Be punk bc tbfh you seem pretty punk already. You've sort of gone in reverse order to a lot of punks. You really have a good grasp on your own politics and philosophies, and you're clearly anti-conformist. If you want you can now work back into the music, the style, and immersing yourself in the subculture. We would love to have you

Do whatever you like, hope this was helpful

in solidarity :]

[blackwoolncrown]

Hello! Real question here. How come 'queer' is a white cishetcentric concept?

I feel like I answered that in the very post I mentioned it but on the grounds that this is a good faith question, here is my sentiment on the matter:

'Queer' as a word connotates strangeness, outlier qualities etc.

Contemporary lgbt ppl often tout a stance of reclamation and we are occupied with both being proud of this non-normativity and justifying strangeness as natural.

This makes sense only within a context that still somehow centers and organizes in relation to a sense of normativity that is cis,white,het. Those cannot be separated because the mainstream gender norms were created WITH whiteness during colonization as a justification for the brutal violences against indigenous people.

This whole process of being like "Yeah I *am* strange! I'm weird! That's good! In fact nature is queer too!" is silly to me because again, there s nothing weird or strange about gender or sexual diversity. There is nothing truly strange in all of nature- only from a human normative perspective (and a narrow one at that) that views nature as separate from self, unknowable and somewhat hostile. To itself, nature in all its diversity IS common.

And that's all it is at the end of the day: mundane, natural diversity, the likes of which was and is well documented on the gender/sexuality scale in precolonial indigenous society.

I am not weird, I'm not an outlier. I'm not even 'afraid' of being weird- I just feel like the idea is juvenile. It's reactionary. It's coping. I'm beyond coping.

My identity is common, natural. It is not in opposition to a cis-het identity. It is just one of many possible ways to be. I am not comparing myself to cis het people. I would be me without them.

Let me repeat: I refuse to have an identity that requires cisheterosexuality in its definition. I am entirely disinterested in triangulating myself around or against notions of identity thought up by delirious, violent, spiritually ill europeans some scant handful of generations ago when I can have a sense of identity far broader and older than that.

My people existed for thousands upon thousands of years before 'queerness' was invented and tbh I think that it is an inevitable stumbling block that we today are concerned with looking back at these identities- which were as far as labels are involved more social roles than personal identities- and trying to understand and valuate them through a contemporary queer lens.

overall contemporary LGBT identity struggles are more concerned with seeing sexuality and gender as an individualistically oriented quality than a language of social role and responsibility which IMO is one area where it can fail to provide some people with a sense of personal meaning and solidity they seek. But you can't expect much else from an individualistic culture.

This is not to say that there are not gender/sexuality identities that DO have this quality of being more a social role but it is no wonder that most of that cultural aspect is found with and originates from people of color, generally speaking. This is also not to say there aren't reasons WHY contemporary queer culture is centered around reactivity and response to oppression. I'm just saying like... I don't personally vibe with the idea that my existence and expression is here to be a form of rebellion. I am saying it exists beyond, before, during and after any oppression. I am who I am with or without white people or colonization and ONLY within the context of created-white created-cishet people have I ever been considered 'strange' in any way. I'm not gonna affirm to myself and in my reality some shit ppl like that made up. I'm not in the business of centering the opinions of petty oppressors.

Lastly I feel like a non-zero amount of so-called queer people become so preocupied with reclaiming queerness by expressing an outer strangeness (which has its purpose!) that we overlook that for many what they really fear is being totally unremarkable and common.

I personally find it more important to develop an identity that explains what you do in the village; what you are to your loved ones.

:shrug:

[tf2shipswag]

ok so first and foremost i dont agree with ppl being mean and insulting you because thats not how you get people to listen to what you have to say so i am sorry about the prev ppl immediately going to attack you but im not going to sit here and minimize their anger because its not baseless and they are well within their right to feel that way. im coming here to try and at least offer my view as a lesbian, which i doubt will do anything but its worth a shot i guess.

i dont agree with the implication that 'bi/mspec lesbian' labels are not harmful when they are fundamentally lesbophobic, biphobic, and transphobic from the talking points ive seen, and hurt us. implying that lesbians can feel attraction to men is the same rhetoric homophobes push onto us in real life to try and imply our sexuality is a phase and can be cured. "you just need to give men a chance." yk things of that nature. im not going to dive deep into the biphohia of it because i do not live the experience of a bisexual and i dont want to talk over bisexuals but i think it speaks for itself when people are so adverse to the label. you must ask yourself why are you so afraid to identify as bisexual? lesbianism has always included nonbinary, trans, gnc, and intersex people. and if its 'too restrictive' then it does not apply to you. lesbians do not and will not ever be attracted to men, i know its hard to believe but yes! people who arent attracted to men exist! we exist! i feel people are so angry and emotionally charged is because we are tired. tired of facing lesbophobia from outside and within the community. sorry for the long ask i tried to keep it short and concise. all i can say is please listen to actual lesbians.

hi, thank you for not being an ass an providing an actual argument, i very much appreciate that /gen. there genuinely is a horrid amount of lesbophobia, biphobia, and transphobia within the community. i know that there are a lot of arguments that the mspec label contributes to such. i just cannot get over the fact we are having fights like this within a community that is actively being attacked so heavily as a whole, especially right now.

your argument's reminiscent of the idea that the pan label is biphobic. genuinely, some people just identify with one label more than another, and sometimes people feel best defined by a combination of labels. even if the difference between the definition of bi and pan is miniscule to you, it might be big enough of a difference to someone else for it to matter.

it's not about "fear" of identifying as a certain label, sometimes it just doesn't. feel. right. once again! i could identify with bi, pan, omni, whatever label! but it's just not me. this has been said before, but nothing about identity is simple. feeling like we need to separate each other all into our own little boxes is incredibly isolating. the point of having this community to begin with, is so we all know that we're not alone.

everyone's just trying to live their lives. you genuinely seem like you have good intentions and god, i KNOW that this argument's tiring, and i can't imagine what it's like to deal with all the other arguments targeted against lesbians in particular, and i won't act like i'll ever understand the struggle with lesbophobic arguments, since i'm not a lesbian.

but people outside of the community are taking advantage of this argument even existing in order to make life worse for us as a whole, regardless of whatever label you choose to use. whether you're bi, a lesbian, or a bi lesbian, doesn't matter to the people passing bills against our rights and healthcare and protection. any difference to them is equally wrong. i'd rather stand against that idea as a whole than go along with it to suit whatever i'm trying to convey.

i just don't want to cause people to struggle to be themselves and live their lives simultaneously. majority of us have that same goal. even if we don't agree with each other along the way, at the end of the day, we all just want to feel safe and happy.

[piqued-curiosity]

speaking as a bi woman, i just want to say that i myself have met bi women who enjoy “lesbian conversion” fantasies & who RP these fantasies with men. they exist, and it’s not a matter of “well i guess SOMEWHERE out there, there’s probably one or two bi woman who are into that”…….sorry but, there is more than one or two bi women who are into that. the male in that screenshot was not one of them, but it’s true. don’t shoot the messenger.

i understand where people are coming from on both “sides” of this debate. frankly, i think many bi women dont immediately understand just how violating & viscerally painful the existence of this fetish is, for lesbians. it’s simulated rape and conversions of lesbians, after all…..it must evoke many strong emotions on your end, i’m sure. and i’m sure it feels like a huge betrayal to know that OSA women participate in this fetish sometimes.

so i think a lot of lesbian women were already Extremely sore about this topic (understandably so) before this whole debate even began. after reading about this horrible fetish, you probably dont feel like sympathizing with bi women, or patting us on the back while we gripe about what YOU guys say about US.

but on the flip side, i have seen a lot of degrading things being said about bi women on radblr, and the vast majority of lesbian users either agree with them, ignore them outright, or dismiss them as bait. i know that you’re exhausted from dealing with lesbophobia and everything else that comes with it. but a lot of times, silence can be read as agreement/assent. it feels like: what if users like oddysseyalice is just saying what everyone else is thinking, but are afraid to say?

and again: i dont blame lesbian women for being tired, or frustrated, or even enraged. so i can understand venting, and punching up, etc….but when ppl directly say that bi women lie about their rapes, and joke about bi women being assaulted & abused by men, that crosses a line. and to be honest, in the aftermath of amber heard’s defamation, remarks like that are not just crossing a line—they are like salt in a very fresh wound. it stings. it’s extremely cutting and extremely personal and, also, extremely misogynistic. it’s frustrating, so so so frustrating, and it makes me really sad to see comments like that from feminist-aligned women.

so i guess what i am trying to say is: in the context of this particular argument, everyone is REALLY mad. and i totally understand why each and every person is mad. it is reasonable to be mad

but please, i would only ask everyone in this debate to remember to treat sensitive, serious issues with the gravity they deserve. even if you’re so, so mad, and you have every right to be, dont laugh along with people making light of violence against women. please take a moment to think seriously, and consider why statements like that might rub bi women the wrong way.

and even if you’re so so mad about lesbians’ response to that one post, take a minute to consider how devastating the concept of lesbian conversion fetishes must be, for lesbians. and consider that lesbians AREN’T lying or making things up when they say that bi women do participate in this fetish. the screenshot in the post was not real, and it’s rational to take issue with that, but the pain lesbians feel about this fetish IS real. and their pain is rational. (and bi women’s involvement in this fetish is also, unfortunately, real.)

sorry this is a huge mess and it got so long. i am not really addressing you…..i just had a lot of thoughts about this argument. and i agree with many of the things you have said as well. i just think a lot of users are lacking perspective here.

Thank you so much for this 💕

[laladellakang]

heyy!!! are u good you’ve been inactive here for a while and I’m a bit worried. ( by inactive I don’t mean posting fics i mean just randomly replying to ppl on here) hope you’re doing well and everything’s fine and it’s cuz you’re just not opening tumblr not anything serious.

hi! thats so sweet of you to check up on me and i greatly appreciate it. i really, really needed this, you have no idea 🤍

i open tumblr every couple of minutes honestly, it’s just that people haven’t been interacting with me, which i completely understand like y’all are here to read, not talk to me and see posts that don’t relate to my fic in any way

+my anxiety has been absolutely terrible these days. i hate everything i’m writing and have too many (but at the same time, not enough) ideas. i keep getting distracted with other fic ideas like there’s so many unfinished drafts but i just can’t. finish. them.

i’m afraid that my writing has gotten boring since i’m not good with angst and stuff like that. the relationship seems so healthy bcs i am really against promoting toxic relationships. i would love to write about their arguments and disagreements and fights but why am i so bad at them oh my fucking god i hate myself

great now i’m ranting.. shut the fuck up ree

[sanchoyo]

arc v 22 - 30 thoughts!!! whew these eps. set up stuff is important. also, good masumi yuzu moments.

-my god. yuya literally accidentally taking yuzus polymerization card from her and making it his thing when she practiced so hard with it. FUCKing apt metaphor for how I feel she should be the protag and shes being robbed of her role (im sorry I genuinely have nothing against yuya but shes so much more interesting to me! she feels like a classic protag!) im glad he gave it back at least…I was afraid she'd refuse it for some reason…

-I do love yuyas random ITS SHOWTIME english. tmm moment. (theres a lot of random english mixed into this series actually and it always makes me like :D!!! lol I understand!!! hehe)

-uhhh the tall fortune teller lady trying to look at yuyas fate fr and the glass ball SHATTERING AND BREAKING IN HALF IS PROBABLY BAD, THOUGH.

-24 gave some veeeery interesting implications. yuto tells yuzu fusion is the 'enemy' and weve SEEN a synchro (guy on motorcycle, so I assume synchro at least) fighting yuto too!! so. oh my god it is all the dimensions vs xyz. WHAT DID XYZ DO. THATS MY FAV CMON!!! -also very um. interesting in the implications of gx and 5ds being on different timelines I think since the implication is theyre pulling from diff dimensions all at once, right? (possibly diff timelines on top of that, since im p sure even tho I havent seen him, that ive heard arc v kaito is Kind of a Different Kaito from Zexal Kaito. whatever that may mean. canon/timeline divergence???? im SO confused LMAO I thought 5ds was a straight shootoff from gx/dm! I know zexal makes things a bit fucky since I think it implied 5ds didnt Happen, but?? before that I assumed it was a straight line...am I wrong tho...(dont actually answer I wanna figure it out on my own..)

-masumi!!!! being a BOSS at dueling and her two lil dudes being SUCH hypemen for her. we love itttt

-idk if theyre setting shun up as a bad guy or whatever or deeply traumatized. but everytime he xyz summons im like yessss king slay (but not my girl masumi!!!) 16400 attack monster!!!!! with an epic fire bird!!! im obsessed w his aesthetics if nothing else. kinda epic hes putting ppl in cards actually to draw reiji out and wants to take him hostage. i think i side with him bc hes at least cool about it. if youre gonna be morally questionable your vibes better fuck severely, and his do.

-yuzu kinda having a hotgirl summer moment by falling in love with an emo version of her bff LOL get it girl!!!

-oh shit LMAO REIJI STRAIGHT UP SAYING 'no my dad doesnt give a shit about me, taking me hostage would not work' with a straight face!!! DUDE U OK. this IS ygo so daddy issues come standard with every character but CHRIST. and shun being like 'wtf do u mean' HE SAID IT OUTRIGHT DUDE. DONT BE DENSE.

-shun getting told by reiji 'i have ONE condition' then WALKING AWAY BEFORE TELLING HIM and shun being like HEY?? dude this guy has been assaulting ppl/trapping them in cards and ur just?? walking away??? reiji has massive balls and is so funny (I know its more intended to be a cliffhanger, but its ygo. the solution is gonna be to do a series of duels, of course)

-junior, jr youth, youth in the tournament, so being like, little kids (I assume like 5-12ish?) then middle schoolers 13-15? then the youth class beng teenagers up to 18? thats my assumption bc 'pros' seems to indicate adults, and pros arent in the tournament. reiji specifies this is a tournament to find 'spears to fight' for him. WHY are you using CHILDREN instead of pros dude??? christ with your resources theres no NEED for that right???

-but hes fighting his dad and claims to be on the same side as shun, which. surprised me ngl. reiji team xyz!!!! win for the gays everywhere!!! and he has daddy issues!!!!!!!!!!! king.

-honestly, it raises the question of who the 'good' guys are in this battle? reijis up to use child soldiers and to work with a guy who is willing to trap ppl in cards. yet yuto made a point to say its bc they lost friends and want to protect ppl. we dont know what the other side is fighting for. it FEELS like both sides are willing to do Whatever Morally Grey things they need to, which is SUPER interesting. I mean, we havent SEEN the other side at length yet! except sora, who it was on SIGHT for when he saw yuto! so I'm willing to bet hes got the same 'whatever it takes' attitude…I want to know WHYYYY theyre fighting!!!)

-theres a duel school where idols go to learn to duel??? THATS SO CUTE. mikiyo naname ilu i know ur gonna show up ONE time but cute design

-no one told yuya hed be doing the lil pre-tournament speech!! yes he might want to be an entertainer but my god anyone would be anxious with like zero prep or warning! tf nico

-one of the announcers says juniors solid vision ar stuff is 'very soft like a sponge' why the hell is all of it not like that?? its fine for anyone over like 13 to get injured dueling ig! lmao!

-omg masumi being like 'tf are u talking abt shun has always been on our team' GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRLBOSS MOMENT LMAOO (or some level of brainwashing, who knows, it IS yugioh)

-its refreshing to see some good parents in ygo who are involved for once, lol, all the kids parents there to watch them duel and cheer them on is sweet!

-layra is like. Deeply Traumatized and just seeing the councilwomen sends them into a PANIC I need to run into traffic to protect them (the subs call them a boy but?? quick google says girl so for NOW I'm being neutral w pronouns until further confirmation from the show ig) they were up there with reiji earlier too! tf are u making a traumatized child duel for dude! losing favor points with me very quickly reiji. putting ppl into cards is nbd but traumatizing kids? no. gotta draw the line somewhere man

-ayu's deck is aquarium themed!!! my god thats SO cute all the kids have rly cute themes. but she forgot she cant attack on turn one…girlie thats the basics…(everyone was cheering her on for the mistakes and encouraging her which is sweet tho)

-then its extra sad when ayu loses and still has ppl comforting her and being sweet and layra having NO ONE ???? EXCEPT REIJI WHO JUST OFFERS (1) HEADPAT. also 'niisama' yeah I expected as much, ygo rival Standard. give ur sib a HUG or something. (maybe theyre touch adverse, I dont know. they do seem. Deeply Traumatized sjfkjnkh)

-lmaooo sora and yuzus friendship Continues to grow on me. his pic of her in his contacts is her smacking yuya with her fan! and she calls him to be like 'YOU BETTER COME ROOT FOR ME OR ELSE' i love how she combats his very wishy washy noncommittal attitude…he says its bc hes her teacher but cmon u guys are friends, prob more than anyone shes soras friend fr by now right?

-YESSS YUZU MASUMI DUEL theyre both doing great I LOVE their dynamic in my mind THIS is what a ygo protag and rival should feel like (sorry to reiji, but he just doesnt feel rival-y enough yet to me!! cannot even explain it) the gay instinct to have a rival. the whole 'im better than you' attitude, the fiery competitiveness…wanting to prove them wrong, the thinking abt them so much u can predict their moves..its SO spicy. then the giving of the red rose card after getting saved by yuzu…masumi? are u perhaps. fellow gay?

-despite all of my efforts sora is growing on me. hes SUCH a brat and is honest about it (and doesnt rly do the whole fake cutesty thing as much as Id expected he would) I think hes actually been as honest as he can, maybe? like I assume theres a good reason he hasnt told the others hes..involved in some kind of?? inter-dimensional battle?? situation??? Im not entirely sure I think hes gonna be a full out traitor or anything, but the others will prob be upset when they find out he's been withholding info…but I 100% think hes some kind of child soldier who BELIEVES his side is right, just like im sure shun feels real justified sealing ppl into cards! (and unlike shun we havent SEEN sora DO anything bad yet. I just kinda think he HAS based on his deck being so creepycute and him not being straightforward, but again, him continuously asking if he was even allowed to be teachign yuzu stuff makes me think hes taking orders from..someone...) him so mad shun didnt stick around to see yuzu's duel was so funny. I dont WANT him and yuzu's silly lil friendship to end! im attached now! even tho I KNOWWW hes sus! :(

-in the crowd you can see ppl wearing cute duel monster accessories, like one girl had a dark magician girl headband/visor thing! very cute, wish we saw more things like that. in pokemon anime they do that a lot and its always such a delight…I want more duel monster cosplay moments! or references in charas outfits!

-ok yuya being the damsel during gongenzakas duel while yuzu is the one yelling, telling gon not to worry is……furthering my idea that yuzu is main chara and yuya is in the position of side character of different gender than main character (who is often a damsel or person to worry over the most). hes the anzu/kotori of the show. to me. JKJSDH (also, gongenzaka, is perfectly nice and fine but its so hard for me to care deeply about him aaaahg even with the episodes centered around him…hes so straightforward and steady, tho. good for him.)

-….the guy who gongenzaka's dueling should be disqualified. he had his goons try and jump yuya! god why isnt he automatically disqualified! doesnt the broadcast pick up audio?? he like, admits to it!

-....is shingo supposed to be yuya's rival actually, instead of reiji? ...he doesnt feel like a rival either though!!! or if he is it feels one-sided!!! yuzu was more ready to fight him than yuya was!!! jkahjkf anyway that duel is up next episode which I wont start tonight...but I'm excited to see more shingo. bc I think despite his best attempts at being a threat hes super silly actually...

[ruminate88]

Being Real:

09/02/24 9:15 pm

it’s so crazy 🥴😳 always, always, always, I can’t get my ex andrew out of my head. I feel his energy and feel very tied to him 😝😝😝 HOWEVER, I see my other ex, Cody’s face legit every where!!!!!! Every guy in every ad or TikTok has his face. Out in public even…. GAAAAAH! It’s his eyes and smile. I see it. I always get the same reaction inside of me too. Just… wow. I can’t make it up. I realize Cody ghosting me, left me without a goodbye and I’ve been creating my own goodbyes but also I’ve felt this “open door” that I cant ever close no matter how I try because it’s already closed but yet its open… 😆😆😆 Ahhhhhh!!!

IM GOING CRAZY! Cody, what are ya doing to me?????? it’s torture and so haunting. I’m legit left haunted by his ghost. I haven’t even dreamt of him in over a month!! But seeing his eyes everywhere. It’s like he’s watching me and I’m paranoid. I have a horrible time letting go. Accepting my current life. As crazy as I feel, I’ve almost gotten comfortable in the insanity and I am afraid of the next phase in life but I also know if I don’t heal, my hair won’t grow back and my digestive won’t get better 😭😭😭

I’m working sssooooo hard to behave on my diet and exercise and self care. Continuing no contact to prioritize my well-being and yet I think Cody and Andrew ARE both always there I feel Andrew’s energy 24/7 and feel he's forever a part of me and I’ve worked so hard not to be cold like him. I’ve tried to stay soft and caring. I do care if I hurt people but then there is moments I just want to be alone and push people away 😭😭😭 I MAKE myself call my mom so I don’t lose my warmth. (But sometimes I feel annoyed talking to ppl I know I love. Ugh!)

Lately instead of fighting against it all so hard and beating myself up, I told myself to find space for them separately in my mind and heart, then sort out my feelings for them.

Getting married so fast to someone else after blocking Andrew’s number, has been both good and bad!! Good becuase it got me away from Andrew and it has kept me from unblocking his number out of respect for my marriage BUT bad because I wasn’t even over Andrew, nor did I understand what happened to me or process my feelings for Andrew. Then I can’t stop ruminating but never even heard of “ruminate” just knew I couldn’t stop thinking of Andrew and feel like a terrible wife until I learned what emotional abusive was!! Then, I feel bad all around and yet I have so much clarity too.

I’ve beat myself and tried to help take the blame becuase I feel sorry for my exes but then I get tired trying to carry burdens that I’m not supposed to carry. Plus carrying all the shame!!! Trying to have more compassion for myself and say it’s not my fault. Yeah, I chose to be dirty with my exes but they chose to turn it abusive. I didn’t ask for that and I didn’t even know it was happening. I was completely in the dark so blind to the truth. I always felt they were toxic men but I didn’t even understand what that meant. Took me years to find answers and I still find myself in a trail of smoke my exes left behind.

Worst of all, I still feel love for them and sorry for them ❤️‍🩹🥴 I tell myself to stay in the truth, that I can’t ever trust them again and convince myself to stay no contact even when I feel this magnetic pull drawing me back to Andrew. Being married is keeping me moving on but a part of me constantly fights not to run back and idk why. Not sure what is so great about Andrew when clearly he hated my guts all along. No one that “loves me” will abuse me like he did. Yet, I’ve wanted to forgive him too and hug him. Legit it’s in my bones and I crave it like sugar. Ahhh I go totally insane but I tell myself to protect myself and stay away ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Convincing myself I am healing and going to be ok 👍🏻

I’m trusting and believing that all this struggling is going to turn around in a positive way some day soon AND my love wasn’t wasted ❤️‍🩹 I loved both Cody and Andrew more than they’ll ever understand. It’s always the first thing on my mind waking up and going to bed. I can’t escape them…

[anxiousandoutdoorsy]

Oh my god thanks lol! And now that u say it- yess! It does become a lot like Nezuko and Tanjiro's relationship right?! Then again with Izuku there is more of a desire wanting to save people, and fighting is one of the tools to achieve it.

No!!! But Imagine- Yorichii initially not knowing what to make of Izuku- being so scared to get into brother dynamics again- or getting close to PPL. Him following the og tactic of acting deaf and mute, and pretty much dissociating from reality.- him contemplating why he was born, slayer mark and all and seeing its existence like a shackle or a curse, then him just picking up something fishy about their father (DFO or not) and taking to sticking close to Izuku, and getting to know his brother- initially like oh he reminds me of Sumiyoshi, Uta, Michikatsu etc.

But then him seeing Izuku stand up to Katsuki for him- saying he won't be friends with someone who is mean to his brother? And breaking off the only friendship he has among his peers (out of everyone's view- bcs Izuku doesn't like to do drama and wanted to understand why Katsuki would do something like that?) - and seeing Izuku for himself.

Him admiring Izuku's kindness, intelligence, his soul, mind, just how full of life and compassion he is. PPL may call Yoriichi the sun, but he feels Izuku is the true sun out of the two of them. He is the light he looks for when he feels lost.

I hc quirks would come at a reasonable age here like between 7-10 (instead of 4-9) (ofc there are tragic exceptions like tenko, eri, mic). So plenty of time for kids to not worry about having to fit into a mold or whatever. And explore themselves.

So like Izuku is highly attuned to Yorichii, but it's not like he can read his thoughts lmao. And Yorichii knowing deep in his heart that he wants this bond, but fearing it would be too selfish and universe might just rip it away again- trying to suppress everything about him- but Izuku seeing thru it anyway, sort off... Like i know u are hiding something, but I'll be waiting and ready if u wish to tell me. So like Yorichii knows he can tell Izuku about the reincarnation thing...

So he thinks he will stay away, but immediately contradicts himself saying - 'Yorichii'. My name isn't Mikumo it's Yoriichi.' and Izuku brightening up for so many reasons but out of all the things he wants to spit out he chooses- 'it suits you way more!'

Like Izuku knowing in the house they always do things he likes, so dragging Yoriichi outside to figure out his interests and likes- and oh Yoriichi you like visiting Shinto shrines and camping huh? (Izuku noting his brother always gets things on the first try, while he struggles. Izuku still learning obscure things to show them to Yoriichi and see if his brother likes them. Like sign language, constellation names, best view spots, names of birds, things which Yoriichi avoides- to make sure they are not present during a bonding activity)

Yoriichi having nights where he just can't sleep. When memories are too much, and him just stumbling to Izuku's door but not entering. When Izuku learns this he tells him it's okay to come in, and when he doesn't, starts keeping his door open. When that also doesn't work- he gives him his AM plushie and then at night before Yorichii can get up Izuku stumble to his room and collapse on his bed saying loudly that he is afraid of thunder and wants to sleep with Yoriichi (that's a lie Izuku laughs when it thunders, and nothing scares him he is a horror nerd).

Izuku being so attuned to Yorichii, him being able to tell when his brother is awake bcs of a nightmare- not because Yorichi's breath stuttered, he just knows.

And when quirks do come in- both Yoriichi and Izuku are quirkless biologically. But Yoriichi still has his breathing forms ofc. Not that he lets anyone know that. And then he goes and uses his strength to protect his brother against Katsuki.

And well All of Katsuki's energy is consumed on hating Yoriichi. Like the guy is looking down on me, but most importantly he also stole my best friend.

And of course Izuku knowing there is something majorly off about Yoriichi, but knowing he doesn't have to understand him to keep on loving him. But also Yoriichi accepting his bond with Izuku and going all like an attention starved cat on him. But being scared of losing his brother like he lost Michikatsu

I don't know about inko lol. I pity her, and i honestly don't know if she will be able to withstand the pressure of if she will crumble like a wet paper towel.

to i absolutely LOVE this as soon as i get my lazy ass to finish part 6 of Sunlight you already KNOW i’m going off w this🫶

[thoodleoo]

hi!!!

one of my friends is doing the whole english teacher abroad thing, and they’re disappointed they’ve been assigned middle schoolers. i’ve never been a full on teacher but i do have a LOT of experience leading swarms of children and some teens and i think middle schoolers are fun as hell!!!

what are some of your favorite things about teaching middle schoolers, especially compared to other ages? and why do u think ppl love to hate middle schoolers so much?

derision for middle schoolers is p wide spread, but ppl hate the concept of middle schoolers more than actual middle schoolers? which makes me think most adults haven’t thought about category: middle schoolers since high school, and retain the high school attitude about it. bc high schoolers love dunking on middle schoolers, to prove their own maturity (i’m not like those annoying dipshits!) and bc even the least cool high schooler is cooler than the coolest middle schooler. it’s like ppl hating new jersey. seeing full adults dunking on the concept of middle schoolers is kinda pathetic imo, but i also don’t understand adults who fear teens

idk if my experience of middle schoolers is skewed bc i’ve mainly worked w them in the capacity of ~cool older kid~ rather than fully in charge like i have w other ages (i keep remembering TAing a college science lab when i try to remember the last time i worked w middle schoolers lmao). the ~cool older kid~ role vs ultimate authority of teacher may be skewing this, but generally all i’ve had to do to get middle schoolers to work w me rather than against me is not go in with an attitude of “ugh. middle schoolers.”

huh. i have another question. so i’ve been in the ~cool older kid~/TA role a lot more than i’ve been the sole teacher, and when i’ve been the only teacher it’s mainly been for smaller groups. social stuff is a big part of the cool older kid role, in part bc ur a pseudo peer, kids are listening bc ur cool and they want to, more than bc ur in charge and they have to. even as a college TA, a lot of what i did was try and make sure everyone in a lab group was participating, get shy kids talking to their lab groups, and be an easy person to help with “dumb” questions. at one point, most of the groups forgot write down their data not just the final answer, so the next lab i went around to all the groups w super secret insider info and in a lowered voice told them how to get full points (write down these four data points in ur answer)- that info was listed in the instructions, but they paid attention to my super secret insider info in a way they didn’t when the prof announced it to the room. and they remembered it in future labs. i’m mentioning this bc it wouldn’t have worked if the prof had done it- my friend has some “mean girls” in their classes, which i found frustrating bc i’ve always considered the social dynamics of a class i’m partially/in charge of to be my responsibility, and mean girls fairly easy to defuse. now i’m wondering if the reason i think that is bc i’ve primarily been in the role of cool older kid, which has a different social weight than teacher. i haven’t had to change my techniques when i’m the teacher, but most groups i’ve taught knew me as cool older kid/TA first.

anyways what are ur fav things about teaching middle school? i haven’t worked w them enough to describe middle schoolers as a category rather than as individuals or small groups, so idk if the traits are unique to the individual or the age. all i can think of is a twelve year old isn’t afraid to love dinosaurs in a way a 16 year old is afraid to.

i am IMPRESSED with the fact that you managed to send something this length through my askbox

i dunno man. middle schoolers are cool. i think a lot of people who hate on middle schoolers are like...projecting? because they remember their middle school experience sucking and just sort of assume that all middle school kids are miserable

i won't say that it's all sunshine and rainbows, but i really enjoy the age group. part of it's that i get to see my kids grow up a lot over the course of their time with me. 6th grade to 8th grade is a HUGE developmental change. but i also just think they're a lot of fun! a lot of middle schoolers are goofy and funny, and it's fun to watch them start to figure themselves out. it's also SO easy to work with them as long as you treat them as human beings with thoughts and opinions. i don't tend to have too many behavioral issues (aside from the usual talking too much) because my students know that i'm not, like, out to get them.

that's not to say there are NEVER problems- this is the age when kids really start to push their boundaries, after all- but if you don't go in with the mindset that it's going to suck, middle school is actually a great age group to teach!

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

i just wanna talk to someone abt this because i trust u and ppl on tumblr actually freak me out and scare me so…hear me out. im not at all opposed to byler and im not homophobic bc i dont particularly ship it as much as others. yes i do ship it some amount, but the only thing that worries me is homophobes. being a queer person in a homophobic family is reallt hard and u have to learn to grow with a fear of them hating u. im just afraid of how ppl will take it if byler is canon. again i am not against the ship. that being said i am a girl who simps over will byers and i adore the y/n x will dynamic they have. just wanted to tell someone bc a lot of ppl on this sight would call me homophobic and stuff over this

Aw honey... of course it's okay. And I'm sorry things have been like this. I totally get it. What's not okay is a fandom getting so protective over their ships they make people of afraid of not shipping something enough. (Long but necessary rant ahead. Sorry, but its worth it)

I'm gonna lose a lot of people here, and likely cause they don't want to read to the end to hear all I have to say, but here goes: I don't particularly ship Byler either. When most people hear this statement they immediately equate it with the statement "I don't think Will is gay and neither is Mike" (I feel like this is true for most queer ships, or just shipping culture in general?).... this could not be more wrong. For one, nobody ever immediately knows why someone ships something (and a lot of times, the person themselves don't understand/realize why they subconsciously pick to a specific pairing and cling to it so tightly) and while it's completely understandable to have become defensive, say, because you feel as though your own identity is under attack, it's so easy—natural even—for people to snap into survival mode and try to defend themselves. But as we've seen, this can, in the right circumstances, also feed the pre-existing cycle of offense and defense that is far too long and philosophical a discussion to dive into here and now.

No, for now I wanna just reiterate that just because someone admits to not being particularly hyper-enthused by a specific ship—yes, like Byler—doesn't mean they automatically hate it. I don't particularly campaign for Mileven either! I've been persuaded by both in the past, but I've never found myself at point where I'm making fan accounts surrounding the ship, pumping out content 24/7, and I certainly haven't felt compelled to bash anyone who ships the other. But ya know what? I will say, and I bet im not alone here, the more I encounter Mileven content/space OR Byler content/space, the more I'm driven away. Why? The fucking shipping wars.

Byler and Mileven shippers, hard-core super-shippers specifically speaking, are some of the most toxic fans I've ever encountered. Is it every one? No!! But most. Most. The most extreme ive heard/seen is horrific. I'm talking death threats, suicide baiting, doxing, constant harassment and just overall borderline cyberterrorism. It's fucking unacceptable. And the underlying theme here and why there's so much fear spreading throughout fandom spaces. Why someone felt the need to limit contact and come to someone they claimed to trust to anonymously admit they aren't frothing at the mouth for one of these aforementioned ships. (Thank u btw for feeling u could trust me) This is not okay!!! People have to see how wrong this is!!! Right?? Right?!

I have no idea how much people will respect all this considering the source: a 21 year old reader insert writer who dedicates most of her time to writing teenagers into the plot of stranger things with Will Byers as their love interest (yes, specifically fem presenting/ she/her pronoun users). So no, I wouldn't blame anyone for hearing me say the words "I'm not a big byler shipper" and assume it has anything to do with that. But I'd hope that anyone who knows me, or is at least willing to hear me out, will understand that I have stated many times (and likely will again cause im a ✨️repetitive bitch✨️) that when I was a teenager, I was going through the absolute worst years of my life. Like, it warmed me up the for 2020s, that's how bad it was for me. And the only thing that got me through (likely without falling into what I believe would have become some incredibly dangerous habits) was falling into a world I could completely disappear into and forget my own shitty world existed.

I found this series called The Maze Runner, fell absolutely in love with the books and the world and bought every copy I could get my hands on. And when that wasn't enough, I looked for every blogspace I could get my hands on. Enter tumblr. Not even five minutes into my new account and searching the maze runner tag do I find a short little story called an "x reader". I literally cried. I was so fucking alone cause, and I'll tell yall, in the span of 15 months, I put down my dog of 11 years, lost my great-grandmother, then my grandpa, then my great grandfather, and then my grandmother. I had reason to believe I would suddenly lose my best friend to depression, and then to top it off my parents got divorced. Granted things have definitely gotten brighter, but little 14 year old me was no where near a healthy state of mind, or body and stumbling across something that not only let me disappear from my collapsing world, but surrounded me in love and encouragement, no matter how corny or silly, by the characters I had fallen in love with was an indescribable experience. This. This is precisely why i write. If theres even a chance i can provide that for you, and God, in the 2020s of all time to be a teenager, than i want to. I want to pay it forward.

That being said, I'd also hope one would understand while things were on the mend, I wasn't fully recovered by the time stranger things came out and i decided to write for it. The grief and trauma was one thing but, another thing you guys might know about me if you've been following me for a while is in the past, I've struggled severely—and still do a great deal—with compulsory heterosexuality. And honestly, a little internalized homophobia I think. It's stuff I work on daily, and it's stuff, I'd be willing to bet, a lot more people deal with than you'd expect. It's for this reason, that I suspect hilariously enough, me a deeply closeted lesbian while planning an x (at the time fem!)reader rewrite for younger kids to escape into, was faced with the choice of a love interest and subconsciously chose one of the only semi-canonically gay male characters available. Yes, essentially, in my own comphet riddled brain, I subconsciously gave both the (fem)reader and Will Byers my own comphet.

But guess what? Characters evolve as the story evolves and that rings true for COSMIC. I wish I had stories back then that casually explored sexuality outside the confines of cisgender heterosexuality in a safe, fun, encouraging way. I also wish I had stories that led you down one story with one character only and suck you in only to change and evolve if needed to say, an opposite sex or nonbinary character as the new love interest and being able to do so cause the love interest was never THE PLOT in the first place. It certainly would have helped speed things along I think, and even if I wasn't its healthy to try things out/consider before saying, ya know I think this still feels right, I'm good! And that's okay!

I deeply deeply appreciate anyone who read this far. I completely understand how much i tend to blather and granted i didnt plan on going into the specifics of my childhood trauma but i felt it necessary info as to why on earth im preaching gay Will while i currently have a Will x fem!reader on my page (Again, dont worry. Im not about to disrespect/erase anything likely to come in s4, nor have is this is a sudden thing in COSMIC) and seemingly shitting on ships. Again, it's the over intense shippers, not the ships themselves and overall lack of byler content that failed to get my attention.

In conclusion, yes, I don't particularly ship Byler much like you dear nonnie, but anyone who automatically thinks that statement makes us homophobic really needs to take a step back and perhaps consider taking a break from public fandom space. If you as a byler OR mileven shipper feel confronted at every corner to a point you're jumping down others throats, you need to take a break from the internet. Draw your ship, write some fanfic if you still want to engage in fandom activities offline but take a break from the internet and prowling for any throat to jump down.

Blech. Rant over. I kinda accidentally combined it with the pre season 4 premiere disclaimer for Cosmic and how and why I have a will x reader with a fem reader copy and how that's going to be affected by s4 so that's prob why it's so long but I don't regret it. The point is, this is and always will be a safe space for fandom enjoyment and just hanging out and the last thing I want here is someone to be feel afraid or threatened in any way. I love you all so much and wish nothing but amazing things for you all. And thank you again, dear nonnie, for trusting me. It means a lot.

💕💕💕 - Yurtle

[flavaflavbutitznyork]

Unpopular Opinions

(non-spiritual*)

TW: rant, dark subjects

💊if you do drugz thats fine- but if your suggesting me or anyone else to experience it with you- don't cuz yk might not know if they're potential addict

✝️if you belive in a religious or spiritual faith thats fine- but don't enforce your belief & disregard others in the process like- or disbelief for that matter

🌑if a person embraces they're "dark side" It doesn't make them evil, malicious, weird etc. they just are bringing to light what most demonize that they ironically too possess

🌻non-empathic people aren't cruel intentionally it's not there fault they don't understand ppl & you can't always hold that against them as a grudge considering so many ppl are brought up learning to hide emotions

🐚feminine male & maculine girl doesn't equal them always liking the same sex sometimes when its right just ask & believe they have the right idea for themselves

💸money has got to be so problematic, it holds no real value if rocks where money & vice versa rocks would be treated as money it's sad that paper motivates ppl to work, to keep homes & jobs society hella twisted

💀bishes be so quick to jump ain't nobody do a 1v1 fair fight? Like it's telling how some ppl r afraid to do ish independently

🕷️negativity spreads like wild fire if you gossip with someone like a friend chances are that'll piss them of & they'd wanna fight YOUR battles it's ok to tell a friend but thats involving ppl in drama (hypocrisy)

🧿if someones often chastising someone on the internet it depends why that defines if they're just rude or actually calling ppl out because it needs to be said👀

🌟idgaf whose who, celebrities are glorified ppl & look at how much drama they get is exposed & for what- it's better to be rich than famous

🛌if ppl sleep in a lot it doesn't always make them angry sometimes it's an indicator that they are drained or tired often with low levels

🥴Karma is very real it follows, change your ways if your the type of bishes who like inflicting pain- if you haven't & it feels like the universe is against you it- isn't likely, just teaching a lesson in this life is all for your elevated state ig

👺don't gemme wrong I like getting reactions outta ppl for funsies sometimes however if your the type of bish who is entertained by gossip, other ppls misfortune or likes upsetting ppl or bullying your🤢- as I said I like getting reactions outta ppl sometimes but I don't do alll that often

🗣️bishes who don't take accountability, I do when I've actually knowingly done something wrong- then theres ppl not willingly facing it or denying there issues of causing pain or discord not owning up to it & victim playing, it's cowardess honestly like how you gonna be afraid of the truth maybe it's hard for some but others need fix still

☯️ ppl who claim to wanna "understand the full story" yet ironically have made up there minds already & can only see said person for what they've done no longer for who they are ppl like that idgaf abt cuz it's talking abt situations where you know their minds made up so need to explain yourself in that case

🧑‍🤝‍🧑friends that don't have loyalty for eachother you might not have to fight for them- but stand by them or try to depending on said situation friends should be able to tell there friends the hard truth about eachother privately however if your quick to jump in opposition to them 👀

☕as opposition to a previous statement- ppl love to be entertained by negative ways & drama sure- but bitch turn on the damn fucking television & watch don't go stirring the pot grab a remote📺

📜USA-(not just usa) some ppl think patriotism, "finding the states" & working under the presidency or some shit is there god thats funny how "I have rights or I am a patriot" thinks you have the right to be an asshole & I really despise when bitches use the term "this countries gone to shit" or etc. cuz hoe this country was stolen from the natives & built on the backs of slaves don't even get me started on the dark ish they cover up like the r*ped victims in those trials, enforcement converting of christianity because their way was thought to be correct, how ppl ironically tell ppl to "go back to their countries" HOE AIN'T NOBODY ORIGINAL FROM HERE BUT THE INDIGENOUS &, then ppl giggle saying the n-word or have the audacity to say get over it or etc. Nd ppl have the audacity saying ish like "our generation ruined the world, you gotta fix it👴" Really? Bitch

🙄ppl who act fake in public- unless you gotta decent rzn there's no rzn for you to create a happy persona in public then be completely snarky in private u ain't gotta be weird

👟 materials ain't shit y'all gonna die anyways so if someone has better items or whatever manufactured objects that are more this or that it don't matter it's just a material

🤼‍♂️ppl who fight, N involve children!? Tf that's not - ayo if you cannot raise a child in a decent environment that's why these cps hoes be at it, you gotta make sacrifices once you have a kid you have a new life to take care responsibility of alongside yours🚸

🥵 premarital sex look if you engage in it that's fine but wear protection n don't go falling deeply in love cuz sometimes bitches be cheating n u get ur heart broken I'm getting married b4 sex chai🤤

🐛cut of person's who can't accept you for who you are n simply be elsewhere nd learn to accept yourself

💣 look this a lil twisted but- I think pollution could fix things after everyone is dead like the human race could learn from this punishment

🪦 don't fear death, live your life to the fullest you desire

🍡cultural appropriation creepiest AF Maybe there'll come a time when we can exchange culture like that and realize race divides use and we should only identify as a whole species, however that time isn't now so lemme not hear a blaccent, or see a fully white girl with a bindi or etc. Have y'all seen the "lean on" music video🤨 it's fine to appreciate cultures but don't carbon copy yourself 😂

😼Doja cat is a prime example of how BISHES use favoritism to be a scapegoat for celebrities girl was in a rascist chatroom against her own race, claimed she'd quit music after a bad trip to south america, acted like a Nicki superfan for a Collab supposedly & spilled tea to a teen then got mad the teen betrayed her trust yes it was a low blow but she's an adult n you can talk to ppl but- celebrities befriending other celebrities cuz they're celebrities is basically befriending strangers bcuz their fame like 👀 you don't know this boy n he an actor 👀

💞friending ppl older or younger shouldn't be looked at as weird it's wholesome often like rollo tubs & that Jewish old guy from the cleevland show "ha ha, ha ha" however in terms of love that's different if there's an underlying tone of creepy like the significant other waiting to turn 18 that makes ish weird however it's weirder that just cuz they turned 18 o it's legal! Bish this why I say the law is your god otherwise y'all been dating or whatever way sooner likely which is disturbing🤢

🤠if you say all lives matter your blind.

🤮MNSFW Twitter is disgusting these minors shouldn't discuss if they're bottom or top!? dominant or submissive!? Like this why I'm waiting to write smut if I do it won't be real ppl LOL

😈smut when using actual ppl is kinda weird I'm not tryna kink shame but I am judging unless the person it's Abt is into it STOP BEING WEIRD!! (or keep it private)

😇look ppl who wanna be there for ppl n understand them from the goodness of there heart is fine, however not every bitch wants there business broadcasted n put on BLAST if it's private a person would likely make that clear however some ppl think it's ok to include themselves in ish that doesn't concern them or loosely talk abt it "to be helpful" it's not it's non of your business so don't take it upon yourself to explain shit even if they haven't said not to check in first like-

🌿vegan ppl I plan to probably go vegan since I've eaten enough dead animals but you gotta accept death is apart of life yes livestock is tortured n no they're not ppl so they aren't treated humanly but get over it like your ancestors more than likely was eating cow whipping there lips with wool or some shit n that's on veganism being a new age thing in america mk

🤹nostalgic code ppl it's good to revisit child hood, feed that inner child but don't let that seep into your mindset cuz then it gets a bit creepy ngl🍪

That's it for rn- also I haven't updated the masterlist in a while cuz idgaf you could use the tag of my username in the search bar ✍🏾

🤖 if someone is different than you n it pisses you off go your separate way n leave them be, also recognize when someone is being problematic or being themselves cuz some ppl self-conscious don't gemme wrong I'm THAT BITCH nd I'm not saying I'm better than y'all cuz like I've said I've done some ish 👀 but just things to consider if you'd like <3 MIGHT DELETE🤡🤪😜

[werebutch]

friendship guide

mostly for online friendships since im best at these, i struggle a lot w irl ones & im sure a lot of us do haha. most of my meaningful friendships r online

1) put yourself out there. its very hard to meet ppl by waiting for them to come to u. actively try to put yourself in social situations (i do this by talking in discord servers about my interests, servers can be kind of wild so if one is making you uncomfortable or stressed in any way leaving is OK). i have recommendations for some nice friendly servers, i mod some too and i do my best to keep them friendly

2) there is so much to talk about in the world! im not the best at conversations but expressing your feelings and pointing out whatever u can think of that is related to a convo works! i just talk about stuff i like and convos happen!

3) dont build a friendship that is based on venting to each other or complaining constantly about life. while venting and being vulnerable about your issues is good for building a strong friendship, having that be 100% of a relationship destroys it. its a bad habit

4) work on your self esteem (i can also give tips for this!) it makes you a naturally attractive person & makes it easier for people to approach you! it's hard to talk with people who self-deprecate a lot

5) Let them be there for you, good friends care about you and it is important to let yourself be cared of by them. the same goes the other way too: if you are in an OK mental state and feel comfortable doing so, being there for your friends is important (dont let this be mentally taxing for u)

6) use their name in sentences! idk exactly why but its a scientifically proven thing that it makes ppl like u more!!

7) if a person belittles you, makes you feel small, makes you feel like you are too much or not enough, is rude to you, shits on your passions and dreams, leave. it is not worth it to develop a relationship with people who are make you feel unworthy

8) compliment ppl! small things and whatever you can think of ! It makes people happier than you think! "I like your name/you are fun to talk to/your art is pretty" literally anything you think is cool, feel more than free to point it out, chances are it will make them happy :-)

9) ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS! it is hard to talk to people who fight against compliments or deny them! even if you absolutely dont believe the compliment, say "thank you", force it out, it does wonders for your self esteem in ways u dont even understand. This helped save my relationships

10) dont be afraid to talk abt deep (?) stuff, i know ppl have different levels of vulnerability they are comfortable with doing, but if your friends are good, they will do their best to accept you at your most vulnerable states. if you open yourself up and are hurt/mocked, thats a bad friend

11) having stuff in common is good, but being opposites does not mean its not gonna turn out! SO many of my friends are wildly different from me and each other, & we learn from what the other doesnt have all the time. every relationship is a venn diagram. u have similarities and differences. & Thats ok!

dont put urself down if these are hard at first, it takes practice and trying and doing your best, but they are absolutely do-able and they do wonders even if very small/simple. i have very meaningful friendships from doing these things.

also u absolutely dont have to but if u wanna b friends i am here too ! its ok if not :-)

friendships are about sharing the joy of life together i think.. but you should have your own passions/hobbies/goals/etc outside relationships (i can try to give advice on this) it gives you autonomy (and also makes you more attractive to friendships so thats a plus haha)

thank u anon :)!! anyone feel free to rb this if u want lol

[normal-thoughts-official]

what are your thoughts about izzy and alec’s sibling bond from the scenes we got from the show

i liked their relationship a lot, actually. which is not to say that it was flawless, but the flaws we got to see were honestly some of what made me the most interested in them. and then of course sh dropped it like a hot potato, but like... it was still pretty interesting to me

disclaimer that this is my own Abused Kid™ stuff projecting for sure, but i still think the way i see their relationship makes sense (or well, i'm not sure if i would say my parents were abusive, but they are quite a lot like the lightwoods in their own way and i definitely consider the lightwoods abusers, so it doesn't really matter that much). so like this will probably feature a fair amount of oversharing lol

anyway! so what i find really interesting and really like about alec and izzy's relationship is that despite the fact that them having abuser parents who honestly put them in very specific "kid who always fucks up" vs "kid who is expected to do everything perfect" roles, they managed to still be friends and on each other's side and have an overall very loving and supporting relationship. i think that's what attracted me to their sibling bond the most, because for decades me and my brother didn't really manage to be close or build a relationship precisely because of those roles. in our case, my brother was the fuckup kid, i was the kid who had to always be perfect (in my case, lowkey to "compensate" for him) and it led to him resenting me and being all but afraid of me because everything i did seemed to be so much better than him in my parent's eyes, so... yeah

so it always struck me as pretty interesting that alec and izzy seemed to be genuinely so close. izzy is one of the few people who gets alec to smile and who gets to ever touch alec, and although they have a lot of differences, it always came down way more to teasing than to actual fighting between them

but also - which is partially why i said that their flaws were part of what drew me to them the most - the tensions that emerged from that abusive background were very much there, and i found that pretty interesting

another disclaimer that i tend to relate to alec more, because i was in the same role as him, but also tend to be very forgiving towards izzy because i see my brother in her and i blame myself for our relationship way more than him since he was the weakest link there lol. but also in part i think i project unto her in the sense that i kept trying to make things easier to my brother, but i kept fucking up because i didn't fully understand his situation, and i definitely think that's what went on with izzy and alec

so let's get into the details of how the whole "fuckup kid" vs "golden kid" (and disclaimer before ppl come yell at me again: i'm not saying that alec was treated well by his parents or that they treated him like he was good enough, because they definitely didn't. i'm saying that when compared to izzy he was considered the kid that had potential, that could be trusted, and who had the most amount of pressure put unto. again, that was how i was treated by my parents, so miss me with the "wow you think alec had it easy?" shit because i know damn well he did not lol. the "golden kid" is an abuse archetype and therefore it means you are abused. calm down) thing affected their relationship in particular

so alec was the eldest, and i think from very early on he latched unto the expectations his parents had for him as a way to protect himself and make sense of the world. i was telling autistic alec anon just today how i think that the fact that shadowhunter culture was so black and white and gave alec such a clear sense of what he was supposed to do and who he was supposed to be kind of helped him navigate the world because it made it easier for him to figure out the path to follow when everything else was just so confusing and the expectations were so crushing and everything he felt was so complicated. i think alec's always known that he didn't conform, and because he didn't have a safe outlet to let that out, he decided to just go by the book to protect himself. which is valid

that being said, i think the other half of the reason why he decided to pursue the "perfect shadowhunter" existence so hard was exactly because of izzy (and later jace and max). because again, alec is the eldest, and he was already being crushed by expectations of upholding the lightwood name and following the rules and whatnot. like, maryse and robert basically expected their kids to undo all the shit they had done when they joined the circle, and they didn't even tell them that that was the reason, so they were probably just taught that they should do what the lightwoods said because and that was that. and because there were all these stakes that they didn't even understand or know about, the pressure was harder

and alec was already being taught to be a leader, and he loved his sister, so he probably wanted to shield her from all the pressure of those expectations, because he knew he was out there fucking killing himself for it. so i think part of the reason he tried so hard to be perfect was because, if he was perfect, izzy (and then jace and max) would get to breathe a little bit. alec is pretty self sacrificial and definitely has a tendency to shoulder suffering in the place of ppl he loves, so i don't think that's far fetched. also, we saw how alec literally shouldered all the blame for jace's fuckups, despite the fact that jace did it all behind alec's back and with alec telling him not to do it (i'm saying jace because from what i remember what got alec punished in particular was something that jace and clary did, not izzy, but izzy was definitely also going against whatever alec told her to and i have no doubt that he would shoulder the blame for her as well, although i don't think she would use that against him, unlike some people. but i digress). but alec just allowed himself to be punished for it like it was on him, so i think it makes sense to believe that alec tried to take the brunt of their parents' pressure so izzy wouldn't have to

and the thing is that i think that izzy... never realized that. i mean, i'm sure she realized that alec was trying way too hard to be what their parents expected of her, but she never realized that she was part of the reason. and she tried to get him to rebel a little bit because she thought that he needed it, and i mean, she was right, but what she didn't realize is that the fact that alec didn't rebel was so she could. not that izzy was not facing consequences for her rebelling, because we saw how maryse treated her versus how she treated alec and jace (it's very interesting to me also how once jace came into the picture he became an actual golden kid, not a "golden kid" like the abused kid who is put as impossibly better than the other one but still never good enough, but actually good enough, and how that was used to put alec in that position where he had to work even harder as well. but that's for another post)

and that's the frustrating part (and i think the part i relate to izzy for the most) because i think she was genuinely trying to help? but she never really understood alec. i was also talking earlier today (or was it yesterday? rip my time blindness but it was definitely recent) about how many people seem to understand alec's coming out story as an internalized homophobia story, and how i don't think that's how it was at all. i don't wanna repeat myself so if anyone's interested in that it's here. and the thing is, i think izzy made the same mistake. she falsely assumed that alec didn't rebel because he genuinely internalized that being gay was bad and because he was lying to himself about it, but that wasn't the case at all. alec knew he was gay and accepted that, he just decided to stay in the closet and live life that way. which obviously is horrible and traumatic, but it's different, and because izzy couldn't tell the difference, she made it worse

izzy kept trying to make alec "accept" himself, but alec didn't really have a problem accepting himself; he just wanted to keep that a secret to protect himself. but because she thought that he was in denial, she kept trying to push him to... not exactly admit because i wouldn't say she was all like "alec just say it you'll feel better" but to maybe "face" it, and alec interpreted that as her demanding that he came out of the closet, which he couldn't do. so he kept closing off and she kept interpreting that as him being in denial, so she kept pushing, and she made things infinitely worse for him even if i am 100% sure her intentions were good (just look at how protective she was of alec and magnus during the beginning of their relationship, or how she tried to get maryse and robert to marry her off instead of alec, or the difference between how clary and jace talked about it - "you're in love with jace"; "this is about your feelings" - and how izzy talked about it - "alec, it's okay") but as we say in brazil, hell is filled to the brim with good intentions

that is not to say that izzy didn't go on that straight shit from time to time ("we all got our things, don't we?" comes to mind, but i gotta say it really pisses me off how everyone talks about izzy being homophobic in that scene and completely ignores how openly racist alec was. like obviously both are fucked up, but yall clearly seem to think only one of these is a problem. but that's for another post) but i think that generally her intentions were always to get alec to be more comfortable with himself/happier. she noticed how much the lightwood's expectations were crushing him, but again, she didn't realize that alec was choosing to take the brunt of these. she didn't realize that he couldn't rebel like she did because of her. not until it was too late

i think izzy only started to realize that - particularly how much of her rebelling was only allowed because alec was there as a safe option so they couldn't afford to have a "fuckup child" even if obviously they still hated that they couldn't control izzy - when she tried to get the lightwoods to marry her instead of alec and they were like... lol? it's alec who's supposed to save the lightwood name, not you. you are worthless as a bride and as a peace offering

and that's when it hit her that alec was taking a role, a role that he had been effectively protecting her from having to take, but that also meant she couldn't help him

i think that's when she realized, because you can see the change in her behavior, you know - "you stood by me, so now i'm standing by you, big brother". she understood that alec was trying to protect her the same way she had tried to protect him and never realized, but that by trying to get alec to just stop without thinking about what the greater picture was for him, she was just making things harder for him. i think that was some very interesting growth we got to see

and on the other hand alec didn't realize that izzy had been trying to protect him as well. like i think that she definitely laid the whole "fuckup kid" thing too thick, which was partially for herself, like, basically embracing the role because she would never be good enough for the lightwoods so why not just accept that she was a fuckup and be everything they despised? but i think she also partially did it for alec, because she wanted to show him that it was okay. that there could be a life that wasn't just doing what your parents expected you to. and like, sure, she got treated like shit for it, and she faced some forms of abuse that alec didn't (mainly touch/affection withdrawal from what we got to see in the show, but also considerable more verbal degrading. again im not saying alec had it easy, especially because we know that the parts where maryse expressed "pride" over him were basically used to make him do what she wanted; but still, the difference in treatment is very clear), but she was still standing, so it was possible, see?

i don't even think this is something i had to defend a lot because she said it so many times? she was always telling alec that he could loosen up, that it was okay (she said the exact words "it's okay" many times). she had a kinda, idk, sassy attitude over it, generally treating it like a joke, but imo that was because she knew that if she talked about it in all seriousness alec would shut down, like he had many times. so i think by making it into a joke and playing the mindless "woo i don't care about anything" character she was trying to have that conversation in a more subtle way. at the very least, alec was amused

and i think a huge part of the fandom also misinterprets izzy as being exactly that shallow person who only thought about immediate gratification that she pretended to be but honestly i don't see that at all? throughout all of season 1, the single thing that drove izzy's character was her desire to protect alec, except for when she tried to save meliorn from him, which was like.... just the decent thing to do. and izzy is not a shallow character. she is not stupid. and she is not primarily driven by her own desires. that is not to say that izzy was never selfish (see: how she treated raphael, so much shit about sizzy), but she is not the kind of character who only does whatever the fuck she wants to because it sounds more fun that's jace and clary. most of the time, her primary motivation was to help alec or clary, aka people that she loves. i think that, like alec, she is the kind that only extends that protectiveness over the people closest to her and is not really the "helping everyone out" type, but she is also not completely self-absorbed like she pretended to be. and i don't think she even cared all that much about parties and whatnot. like when did we see her going to one on her own without it being a mission? when did we see izzy actually pursuing one night stands? that is not to say that these things are bad, but if izzy were that girl who only cares about sleeping around and having fun like she pretended to be, then one would think we would see her actually doing that instead of just performing that shallow mindless sexy girl stereotype?

and like look i know that she was written to be a sexy lamp or whatever but if the writers aren't gonna care enough about her to make that consistent and show her doing that beyond what she says i might as well go there and give her the depth that she deserves. especially because we got to see izzy talk about that so much. like her saying that one of the things that attracted her to raphael was that for once in her life it didn't feel like everything was all about sex. i find it appalling that people genuinely think that that's all she's about when she made it so clear that it bothered her. like imo izzy took on that role, again, to piss off her parents, and also because it was something that she was good at. she was good at being sexy and she got gratification and positive feedback over that, which she was obviously starved for since her own mother wouldn't even fucking hug her. it was the one thing she didn't fuck up at and that got her to feel like she was treasured, even if really she was just desired

not just that but izzy also consistently made hard choices for those she loved? like im not gonna say that izzy going to save meliorn from torture was anything less than the bare minimum but if she were that shallow self centered persona that only wanted to have fun and didn't care about the consequences she wouldn't have put so much on jeopardy to save them. or risk being deruned and losing everything so she could call the clave out on their bullshit. or break up with meliorn (someone we know she genuinely liked) so she could offer herself to be married off to someone in alec's place. the one thing that we know izzy would be miserable over, because that woman was not born to be no one's trophy wife. and she was fully ready and willing to throw her WHOLE life away for alec. that would be FOREVER. miss me with that "izzy is a shallow girl who only cares about herself and partying" shit

like to me it's very clear that that was a front (especially because the way she talked about it was SO over the top too, like, it sounded so fake. and when we got scenes of her talking to alec or to clary she was a wholly different person, way less confident, way softer. honestly izzy could have been such a great narrative about woc and hypersexualization and the traps of taking over that "femme fatale" role as a form of empowerment or whatever, but of course sh doesn't have the range for that) and i think that front was first and foremost for alec's sake. she was trying to break him out of the lightwood's brainwashing. what she didn't realize was that he wasn't brainwashed, he was making a choice between the very bad options that he had. and alec in turn didn't realize that izzy acted the way she did, in great part, for him, not for herself. i wouldn't say that alec bought that izzy was a shallow girl because we know how much he loves her and that he knows her better than anyone, but i think he also didn't realize she was trying to help/protect him

so it was such an interesting miscommunication issue and i would have loved to see that actually addressed and worked on, but alas. the most we ever got was them talking about being honest to each other about the yin fen. and izzy pretty much didn't get real plotlines or character development anyway daoijdaoij except for the absolute bullcrap that was the yin fen which i am not going to get into because it makes me so angry and i hate it so much

and then of course sh didn't really get into it and basically considered the problem solved once alec came out, which i mean, i guess does take that out of the way when it was the main miscommunication problem between them, but still, they should have had a talk and realized what a stupid dance they were both having and how they would have both benefitted from working together instead of in the name of each other. which is a frequent trope for alec in relationships anyway, too, so it could be a good introduction to these issues, but alas!

in short: i think both alec and izzy love each other very much, have each other's best interests at heart, but weren't really seeing each other as they were. and they both put a front for each other (izzy in particular) that made communication pretty much impossible. and they ended up not being very good for each other (particularly izzy for alec, but i think alec also made her feel alone and like he saw her as.. just some stupid girl, you know?), but i loved to see how these things were there simultaneously. the wanting to help each other and the effectively only making things worse. the love that was so present and so strong despite all of that. the way that they never became competitive or resented each other like kids who are raised with those dynamics usually get. i just love how there was so much going on and so many problems but still so much love between them. i really wished we got to see it actually get some sort of closure and more exploration, but. fuck me i guess

[redteabaron]

Different anon… Here is the thing though, Drogo/Dany isn’t a parallel to sansan. People who make that comparison either lack severe reading comprehension, which is not surprising for this fandom, or they want to use it to validate sansan. (Tyrion was the older guy Sansa was forced to marry. Dany and Sansa have opposite journeys and their marriages are a part of that.) But sansan’s mirror is Jorah/Dany. Book!Jorah is an older guy who has a creepy obsession with a teenage girl. He dumps his trauma on her, he projects onto her. But he is also her advisor, her confidante early on, his protector. There are also the same BaTB elements sansans love to talk about. She even refers to him as her bear. But he was lusting after her ever since they met and then he assaulted her. He forced himself on her. She is uncomfortable with his actions, but she doesn’t possess the necessary language and she doesn’t understand consent (we know this because of how she frames her relationship with Drogo but also how she expected Lhazareen women to be ok, even be thankful for being married to their rapists, and her dubcon relationship with Irri) so she recontextualize what happened and chastise Jorah for kissing her not because she is a teenager and he shouldn't and she didn’t consent to but because she is his Queen. That's the language she has, so she expresses her discontent, disapproval, rejection with that. Sandor was verbally, psychologically, physically abusive to Sansa but he also occasionally protected her in King’s Landing. He lusted after her, made sexually inappropriate comments to an 11 year old child but he was also the only one in KL to have honest conversations with her. Then he assaulted her, held her at knife point. She was afraid of him kissing her, killing her, she had nightmare about the assault which she clearly registered as a sexual one despite what his fans claim his intentions were. Sansa has a habit of romanticizing/redefining these things. Sansa thinks Arys Oakheart was preferable, that he was kind because he beat her less hard than the other Kingsguard. She remembers Tyrion as someone who were kind to her, someone better than Joffrey even though he molested her and she had him in her nightmares too. She separates Littlefinger and Petyr in her mind because just like with the other men before him the thought of her sometimes-protector at the same time being her abuser is too much for her. Just like Dany she recontextualizes what the Hound did to her and turns the assault into a song to cope with it.

These two pairings has the same dynamic, the difference is fandom’s response to it. (The slight differences are that Dany had actual amiable feelings for Jorah -not romantic love or sexual feelings but friendly, sisterly love for him- and she as a Queen had a lot more agency than Sansa as a prisoner had. She isn't as powerless as Sansa, she could have easily banished him, punished him, even ordered his death.) But no one in fandom writes essay after essay why and how could and should Jorah and Dany end up together. It’s an outrageous suggestion. Dany is a main character, she is the heroine. She is a Queen. Why should she ever end up with someone as lowly as Jorah? Someone as old, as ugly as Jorah? But Sansa, meh she is not an important character. And she needs to be punished, first because she was a child making childish mistakes. Secondly, she is shallow, she refused to be raped by her older, ugly husband. So she needs to end up with an older ugly guy to humble her. Even when the author expressed his distaste of the trope of a noble girl running away with a lowly guy in medieval stories, nah that doesn’t matter here. Sansa being of high nobility, a princess won’t have any factor at all who she’s gonna end up with. They had to keep assuring themselves that she is not a main character so she could even end up with a villainous character, that she is not a Stark so she could end up with people who hurt/fight against her family. The hypocrisy of this fandom, and their selective reading is most clear when it comes to these two “couples”. Almost all sansans (whether it is the actual shippers or those who think it’ll happen because well it’s Sansa what else she’s gonna do besides being a reward bride for some hideous guy) hate Jorah/Dany (as they should) while trying to justify how and why Sansa should end up with the hound. Let's forget the abuse and pedophile, let's assume those never happened, even then it makes no sense. There is not a narratively satisfying way, a logical reason how Sansa could be with Sandor. But they ignore all that because it doesn't fit in with their vision, with their interpretation of the books and characters. Because admitting Sansa is a main character and more than a reward for their pedo fave has a ripple affect, it challenges all their theories, they all crumble. And they just can't let go of their 2 decades old theories, they just have to be right, they must be right. That's why they all took the show's ending as a personal offense, especially the QiTN Sansa. I just can't wait for the books!

Yeah, agreed. jorah and sandor are mirrors of each other. I mean I hope they both die without any glory or honor, personally. I don't really care if they have sacrificial deaths for the greater good - or whatever framing the show had intended - jorah and sandor were also whitewashed and made more pitiable/likeable.

Whenever dany x dr*go is used to validate literally ANY pairing, I am suspish. In particular when we acknowledge that dany absolutely couldn't consent - she was 13 iirc - and was sold off by her abusive brother to a man twice her age, but Sansa reimagining her trauma about Sandor's assault to something less traumatic is considered being hateful to Sandor because he's unattractive. (And I never really listen whenever ppl give me shit or deny it was assault; pertaining to my job, I'm pretty fucking aware what assault or intention-to-assault looks like, and I think most ppl do to, they just seem to lose awareness when it comes to their ships or certain characters).

I think it has to do with Sansa being the archetypal "Pretty Popular Girl" - the one who like feminine things, sort of fussy, likes feminine colors and just in general is feminine. She seems to remind people of the classic mean popular girl we saw popularized in 1990s-2000s high school movies - the one who gets her comeuppance in the end when the non-feminine girl somehow triumphs in whatever way, or she's the one who learns her lesson and stops being quite so feminine, or hooks up with a most-popular guy. The Mean/Pretty Popular girl has to be humbled in some fashion. Fans who don't like her, tend to view this as a way for her to pay for the error of her ways.

Like being a prisoner of war. Or not wanting to fuck tyrion. Or not wanting to run away with sandor.

I mean...all of asoiaf, beyond the politics and magic, is all about trauma and the human response to it - which is varied and depends on circumstances, personalities, and a lot of other things. One of the more vile things GOT did was whitewash jorah and tyrion the way they did imo. Jorah was a predator, circling Dany, regardless of whether she thought of him fondly, he just happened to not be violent towards her - she cries when he forces a kiss on her. Tyrion was a predator who molested her when he acknowledged she was a child "but he wanted her anyway". I've seen a lot of ppl react more sympathetically towards Dany. I haven't seen much recrimination against dany for refusing him the way we see sansa being hated for not wanting tyrion or sandor, hell, even petyr.

But - Sansa, imo, in the larger or at least circles of the fandom that have been around longer, is a more ideal whipping girl for the outlet a lot of ppl crave. See again the popular girl trope. She can't fight, she has no magical creatures, she is not a Chosen One of any kind. She has her wits and her ability to observe and adapt who has no choice but to navigate survival surrounded by people who have more agency and power than she does. That's it. I guess in a world of amazing abilities and magic and warfare, this is very boring, particularly when she doesn't weaponize her femininity or sexuality, where she's beautiful without being dangerous or magical or erotic. And I guess ppl feel that because of that, she needs to be punished for not being as extraordinary as she should be, OR, because she was the "Mean Popular Girl" (she wasn't) she must be humbled, and the ones to do it are the ones she refuses.

It's really delicious knowing they don't get "to have her" 🤢. Hopefully they just both fuck off to the ends of the world or die, idc they deserve zero thought.

[itsclydebitches]

Godddddd I'm so upset that I dislike yen this much, doing main quests in skellige and Freyas ppl were doing stuff and she again disrespected other cultures with Geraly being against, "I may be inhumanly beautiful" I know she's meant to be confident but wowww. She's not confident and worried for Ciri she just comes off arrogant and selfish and vain. Like, fuck.

The ultimate mood, anon. My Witcher fandom life would be so much easier if I enjoyed Yen ... but I just do not lol. Remember how I mentioned that things were going to get even worse than her stealing and using a potentially dangerous artifact? Yeeeaah. She also resurrects Ciri's friend to torture him for information, all while destroying another sacred garden to get the power to do it! It's not even a "She's so evil and I love it 😏" situation for me because the game tries so hard to convince us that she's still The Best. Geralt's sexy soulmate, Ciri's adoring mother, the baddest bitch around who gets things done and does it with an effortless confidence... all while ignoring how horrific her actions and attitude are. Oh sure, other characters speak ill of her at times, but considering how much Geralt is written to adore her, no matter what you choose, that's all undermined. I love morally gray/evil characters, but I've never enjoyed them when the text refuses to appropriately acknowledge that side of them. Nothing is more frustrating to me than a story that frames disliking a character as the unambiguously wrong thing to do, especially when the text is piling up reasons to dislike them and, as a result, ignoring or shrugging them off their actions as not that bad. Yen is a rather extreme example of that for me. Despite her attitude, her choices, and other characters outright going, "Why do you like her?" the story as a whole works under the assumption that it's correct to like her anyway because Geralt loves her. And he loves her for... reasons.

They do meet before the wish, but only just. Major "The Last Wish" spoilers in this paragraph, so feel free to skip. Basically, Geralt and Dandelion run into trouble with a djinn, he goes to Yen for help since she's a sorceress (first time meeting her), he instantly falls for her because she's gorgeous and such (there's an elf there who is also madly in love with Yen. Men just... fall for her, instinctually), she heals Dandelion, Geralt agrees to pay her, but Yen has already decided on the payment she wants. She takes control of Geralt's mind and forces him to attack the town to seek revenge on those who have insulted her, resulting in him waking up in prison awaiting execution for "his" crimes. Meanwhile, Yen has gone after the djinn for herself because power/trying to regain her ability to have a kid. Geralt escapes, finds her failing to master the djinn (an attempt which btw has endangered the whole town) and despite what she's done to him, Geralt tries to get Yen to escape with him. She refuses, set on capturing the djinn even though it's obvious she can't. So as a last resort he uses the final wish to bind their fates together, saving Yen from the djinn in the process. Aaaaaand then they have sex.

So yeah, their rocky relationship is one of the main reasons why I can't enjoy Yen. For some their tumultuous history is evidence of realism, for me it's evidence that they're not actually very compatible and they're only together because a) that's the fantasy trope: protagonist men get together with the hot sorceress and b) because the magic is literally ensuring that they can't escape one another. I mean, canonically their fates are tied together by magic and canonically they spend about 20 years swinging between passionate love and fearsome fights... but there's supposedly no connection between these two things? No chance at all that they keep coming together because magic is drawing them rather than because they actually want/should be together? I wrote a meta a while back about the short story where they meet, which includes a present day scene where Geralt is criticized by another character — Nenneke — for running out on Yen. Thing is, he tries to explain that he left because she was "too possessive" and this is... flat out ignored. By both Nenneke and the fandom. There's a strong trend of ignoring Geralt's words in favor of a pro-Yen interpretation of events. He says he left because she was too possessive and she treated him like ____ — he's not allowed to finish the sentence and say what she treated him like because Nenneke interrupts him, saying she doesn't care about his version of events. Major yikes imo! She turns a claim of being possessive into Geralt not being man enough to stick around. The fandom likewise turns this into a case of Geralt getting cold feet and running out because he's a bastard who hates commitment. Likewise, Nenneke and the fandom claim Geralt is trying to get Yen money as a way of appeasing his guilt for leaving, he claims he's doing it simply because he still cares for her — even if he doesn't want to be with her — and knows she needs it. Geralt's words are frequently dismissed, in the same way others characters' opinions of Yen are dismissed. Any mark against her is treated as either a lie, or a convoluted claim that they don't really know her... never mind that an understanding of why she may act this way doesn't excuse the behavior itself. (Plus, the whole "Yen had a horrible upbringing, so of course she struggles being kind" perspective always fell flat to me when so many, including witchers, had horrendous upbringings too. The whole point is this world is a mess and most everyone suffers). It's supposedly true love, yet if someone came up to me and went, "I magically tied my fate to this woman to keep her from getting herself killed and we've spent the last couple decades having what many would term a rocky relationship, to put it kindly. I left once because she was too controlling. She once cheated on me. I likewise hooked up with others during our frequent breakups. A mutual friend used magic to get me to have sex with her — also while my lover and I were broken up — and though I view it as a dumb decision I'm happy to forgive her for, my lover is ready to commit murder because again: possessive. A lot of the time we're only a family because of our daughter. I once thought she'd horrifically betrayed us both. She didn't, but it says something that I was so ready to believe it, huh? Hmm? Permanently separated? Of course not! I love her. We're destined to be together after all :)" I'd be like, "Uh... you sure about that, dude?"

Not that Geralt doesn't make his fair share of mistakes in the relationship — he absolutely does — but I don't think it helps his case that he's immature in other ways and, frankly, that he's a very strong, badass witcher. It's easy to turn the hints we get about their relationship into a simplistic "emotionally naive man can't give the poor woman the commitment she wants" situation. Given Geralt's status as the badass fighter of the tale, it's likewise easy to dismiss his admissions of her being "possessive" and his general discomfort. He's the man. He's the witcher. If he's making any claims about how Yen isn't treating him well, they must be excuses, or exaggerations, because real men, especially physically powerful men, would do something about that — a something that's not sneaking out in the middle of the night. A lot of people read Geralt leaving as the ultimate proof that he's an immature bastard who doesn't deserve her. I read him leaving and think, "What were you trying to get away from? What was going on that made you think you could only leave by sneaking out without a word?" To me, that doesn't read as someone who felt safe, comfortable, and respected enough to do anything but slip away and try to wash his hands of things. And I'm not just pulling this "Geralt is at least somewhat afraid of Yen and isn't comfortable establishing boundaries with her" reading out of my ass. When Yen wants Geralt to kill the golden dragon for her and he refuses, saying he doesn't care anymore, his thoughts are:

He expected the worst: a cascade of flames, flashes of lightning, blows raining down on his face, insults and curses. There was nothing. He saw, with astonishment, only the subtle trembling of her lips. Yennefer turned around slowly. Geralt regretted his words.

And everyone is like, "See! Yen has improved so much. Geralt nearly made her cry, but she's supposed to be the bad guy here?" Meanwhile, I'm going, "Uh... anyone want to unpack why he expects fire, lightning, insults, curses, and blows to his face for telling her no? Why he's astonished that she wouldn't use her magic against him? Anyone think that Yen refraining from attacking Geralt when he refuses to murder on her command is a pretty low bar? No? Just me?"

Geralt and Yen's relationship makes me uncomfortable and a great deal of that discomfort derives from how much of the Witcher fandom shrugs off the fictional warning signs. I mean, I post primarily about RWBY. We watched a man in that show try to sneak away with his kids when his villainous wife planned to use them for a eugenics plan... and the fandom still blames him for that, refusing to admit that he was in an abusive relationship. Because that doesn't happen to men, right? I'm not saying it's the same for Geralt and Yen, simply because they are written to be soulmates. An abusive relationship was, quite obviously, never the authorial intent. However, I am saying that the a "This isn't a healthy relationship" reading is there, it exists as an interpretation, and both the story and fandom's tendency to dismiss it is something that hasn't helped me enjoy Yen's status as an otherwise well written, complex character. Their equality supposedly stems in part because they're both so flawed, yet each time I see a list of Geralt's supposedly equal faults they're... lacking imo. "Geralt bound himself to Yen without her consent." Yeah, to save her from dying from the djinn she was trying to enslave, after she refused to leave, while her actions threatened a whole town. "Geralt ran off without a word." Mmm hmm, anyone care about why? And my personal favorite is a scene you may not have gotten to yet (or may not get depending on your choices), but suffice to say, Yen is supposedly justified in physically attacking Geralt if he dares to challenge her in any way. That's the main takeaway across the fandom: If Yen is pissed off, you must have done something to deserve it which, in the relationship deliberately written to be "stormy," is something that sets all the alarm bells in my head off. Honestly, it kinda makes my skin crawl to go, "Geralt didn't deserve that" and get responses back of, "Yeah he did because he [insert basic human action here]." The Witcher world is hard and cruel, absolutely, but that doesn't mean I personally enjoy seeing an equally messed up relationship presented as something that's enviable in its flaws. "That's actually true love because the magically bound man who often expresses discomfort with his lover, written by a male author with a very iffy perspective on women, says it's true love." Crazy theory here, but... maybe it's not?

Idk, lots of rambling on my end tonight! For me, Geralt/Yen reads as something rather tragic which, in a canon that unironically upholds the relationship, and in a Yen-adoring fandom, doesn't make enjoying her character any easier. I keep coming back to Witcher 3, the comics, the show, even the books going, "Maybe I'll like her this time?" but nope, still trying lol.