#so i think bisexual lesbian actually makes sense but idk man

[piplupod]

[whispering nervously] hey i feel like this is the equivalent of throwing a beehive at a bear, but i genuinely do not understand what is going on with the latest queer label discourse,,, why is calling urself a mspec gay/bi lesbian/etc such an issue ?

[concerto-roblox]

honestly i cannot explain the gender feelings i get sometimes. like i see a picture of a man and i think "god i wanna be him" or "god that's so me" but not like. i don't want to look exactly like him or be percieved as a man at all (like not even in a butch or gnc way i skew pretty femme most of the time)... but it's like if i was that man but also a woman that would be epic... or if that man was a woman he would be so me but also if he was still a man?? what is gender.

[hoodedjelly]

my Jenny, Tuck, Brad, Shelden, and Vega older designs ^__^

i'm watching mlaatr, still not done, i think i got like 10 more eps (and if i'm being transparent i skipped around eps... i just wanted to see vega...). And i'm absolutely loving the show!!!! i love these characters a lot, didn't like Shelden at first i'm going to be honest, #1 Shelden hater for a bit there. but he chilled out in season two and i started to ship breldon with that too so now i just love him so much.

more about my personal headcanons:

Jenny: - I am under the belief that she is transgender. Jenny was made genderless, so her deciding to be a girl was strictly her choice and i believe that makes her trans. (She's also a lesbian) - she did grow a bit, im not gonna explain how idc really i just liked her being a taller lady :-) - she has A LOT of different cute outfits and hair styles, honestly too much to draw. she never transforms back into her base show outfit when crime fighting, she just fights in her cute summer dress she don't care. - her and vega are dating grrgrgrrrr - when vega is in rule she makes it so there is complete free access between earth and cluster prime for citizens in both places. - I say that cause i think when jenny is older she moves in with vega, technically living in cluster prime but visits earth like everyday. And brad/shelby/tucker/wakeman visit cluster prime - Jenny also hangs out with the nicktoons unite gang, but i deffo feel like its just that secondary friend group that you don't talk to with for months. when you talk again its the same goofiness as before - i think danny calls for her help when he needs it (also manny) Tuck: - he is still a little shit but we love him - adhd boy - questioning cis (he/him) - he got into robotics/stem and builds little silly things - with that, he gets help from Shelby - pretty much just a silly teen, he's on the internet a lot and has "cringe" interests - but idk he's having fun and being silly and finding himself (those interests is stuff like sonic and among us) Shelden(Shelby) - honestly kinda nervous about ppl thoughts on my Shelden, idk it makes so much sense in my brain - hits you with the transfem beam (she/they) Pansexual (she just wants anyone type of vibe) - I think when jenny is visiting vega often that leaves Shelby and Brad hanging out alone a lot. which they don't mind honestly, they are actually good friends! - but during that they just get closer and start catching feelings. Shelby eventually lets go of her feelings about jenny and realizes they were a real jerk and weirdo to her. brad helps them through that and eventually her realizing she's trans. blah blah they in love and kiss at some point. - Shelby is also a furry lmaooo her fursona is a cat.

Brad: - bisexual cis man (he/him) - Still his old brad self if i'm being honest. - totally forgot to say i think all 3 of them go off to college together (even though jenny doesn't have to i feel like she would prob want to just for the experience, but tell me if you think differently i'm still unsure) - i really don't know what else to say sorry brad! he's literally just as silly as ever man. he's just also gay - i will say here i feel it takes a lot longer for shelby and brad to start dating then jenny and vega. they got that slow burn kinda shit going on, since a lot of that is shelby being confused about her feelings. and jenny and vega just hit it off right away if im being honest, very high school sweethearts. - (also i think shelby makes brad make a fursona to match hers, so brad got a dog fursona)

Vega: - Lesbian cis (she/her) - That ending of her just ruling cluster prime was just so crazy to me cause like, aint she like 16? - i think she has a lot of stressed nights and fearing she's not doing the right thing for her people, and jenny tries to help as much she can - that is why jenny visits so much, she wants to help her. - very much got those nights were she accidently falls asleep at her desk, jenny finding her and giving her a blanket and a kiss goodnight - it's not like she's unhappy, she is actually very very passionate about her work and wants to NOT be like her mom - and yeah she deffo goes to robo therapy for the stuff with her mom. - i think it's a conflict where vega is scared her mom is gonna come back and jenny has to reassure her that if she does they'll get rid of her for good.

imma be honest a lot of my hcs are pretty half-baked and random things, im sure im going to think of more stuff in the future but that will be in different posts.

[doubleca5t]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

see I can tell that this is a bad faith ask because I've been getting an influx of terfs on TikTok lately but I'll take the bait and answer this legitimately. I think the *actual* answer here is that sexuality is complex and even though we put a lot of labels on it, those labels are ultimately never going to account for every possible corner case and so rather than constantly redefining the terms of our sexuality I think it's better if we just embrace the messiness of it all as part of the game.

Like I consider myself a lesbian (and you would probably consider me a straight man) which *should* mean I'm only attracted to women. But I've also found myself attracted to drag queens and femboys and some non-binary folks who identify more on the masculine side of the spectrum. Does that mean I'm actually bisexual? I don't think so, because I don't feel any attraction to dudes (cis or trans) who aren't actively playing with gender in a way that's either flirting with femininity or wholeheartedly embracing it.

I imagine plenty of gay men have a similar experience seeing women who present very masculine or a non-binary person who's more on the femme side. And before you accuse me of insisting that lesbians can be attracted to men, there is a HUGE difference between saying that gender non-conforming people throw a wrench into people's sexual identities and saying that "lesbianism includes men".

In short, the reason why I don't have a definitive clear cut answer to your question is because I think human sexuality defies such an answer. I just so happen to be ok with that because I think it's a better, easier way to live

[dukeofdelirium]

I will never believe Zu/tara shippers when they say they hate Kata/aang because it's "heteronormative" since one of the main complaints Kata/aang gets from them is that "no 14 year old girl would wanna date a bald boy who's younger and shorter then her" or how Aang gets called a bald lesbian as an insult. Idk man I think Katara ending up with the bad boy with anger issues who is most stereotypically masculine of all the Gaang boys and who she spends most of the story hating for hurting her and her friends (who also personally betrayed her trust when she tried to help him). Idk man I think if these two got together that'd be a lot more heteronormative, especially since they only became friends an ep before the finale started. I think Katara and Aang's relationship has writing issues too (I have a lot of gripes I'm not coming at this as a shipper) but it takes a particular kind of ship brainrot to argue Zuta/ra end game would have made more sense or been a better end game with the canon we are given. And arguing it's somehow less heteronormative to make Zuko get together with Katara. I can't with this fandom.

if either of these two ships fit the definition of heteronormativity, it’s zvtara, not kataang. Aang does not fit the western male character type. He is short, shaves his head, is pacifistic, and quite feminine compared to the other male characters. He gets insulted for doing things that characters deem as “feminine”, like weaving jewelry for one.

the show doesn’t actually support this idea that femininity is bad, but characters like Sokka who have narrow viewpoints early in the story try to ridicule him. toph also makes jabs at Aang’s femininity.

Zvtara shippers argument has never been about heteronormativity. It’s always been “misogyny”. The only reason they’re adopting heteronormativity in their list of vocab words they still don’t know the definitions of is bc most of us kataang shippers on here (tumblr) are gay, bisexual, etc. And because we, as majority lgbt ppl have stated that their ship is heteronormative, they just want to flip that to use against us even when it doesn’t apply.

Kataang simply doesn’t follow a typical m/f ship in terms of writing, characters or how they interact with one another. Which is by and large why it has been so hated by these idiots. They wanna say “muhhh heteronormativity” but in the same breath ridicule Aang’s femininity, say he isn’t masculine enough for her, call him a lesbian etc to undermine the ship. Just as they say “muhhh male gaze” when most kataang shippers are actually women, because most ppl involved in shipping communities and fandoms in general are women.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I only know of a couple of male kataang shippers on here, myself being one of them. Ships and fandoms are very much and have always been a female dominated community. That’s for any fandom or any ship I’ve seen.

Their arguments are ridiculous and make no sense. It’s just like when some zvtara idiot was in my inbox harassing me for being a man and was saying that I’m an incel and that I hate women and want to rape women….. when I’m fucking GAY! Nothing they say makes sense or is canonical, so I’ve long since stopped taking anything they say seriously. It’s just free entertainment at this point.

Full offense but I don’t need a bunch of straight girls to tell me what heteronormativity means 😂

[honkshoo-zzz]

How I see the Mercs within the LBGTQ+ Community

cause i keep seeing people posting things and EVERYONE KEEPS GETTING IT WRONG!! /j who cares i jus wanna make a funky list too

Scout: Def Bisexual, Trans ftm (can take or leave)

Probably has a preference for women

Probably doesn’t realize he likes men until he works with them 24/7 and all of his coworkers are hunky n sweaty and maybe a lil flirty

If trans, used Sex Bom tattoo to cover top surgery scars. Even though it’s definitely just worse than just having ts scars lmao

Soldier: Bisexual and Poly

I just love him dating Zhanna and Demo honestly

Fuck it, other mercs too, if they wanted

Tbh I also fuck with aro/ace vibes for him, he’s just kinda around for a good time with the homies in my mind. Both is good

I do see his preference being fairly equal though. Too busy thinking about his love for the US to think too much about tiddies/ass/etc.

Pyro: Def Ace, and either Aro or Lesbian in my mind. Also Nonbinary.

Either gender-fluid or just straight-up no gender enby. no in-between in my eyes.

I’m mostly all for Aro/Ace Pyro but I saw some Pyro x Ms. Pauling art and. love that. ugh, decisions…

Feel like they use whatever pronouns. Don’t gaf, will never gaf

Also no sex cause the suit just doesn’t come off. Also too busy setting shit on fire to care. More important shit to do.

Demoman: Pansexual and Poly

Again, dating Soldier who is also dating Zhanna

He’s also in a longterm relationship with Eyelander. Don’t ask too many questions about how that works though. But they are.

Also doesn’t have a gender-preference (obviously, he’s married to a sword). Semi-opportunistic in that sense, I guess (again he’s married to a sword. how many times do i gotta—)

Heavy: Bisexual, preference for Men

Idk man but Heavy and Medic have been married for a long time in my eyes

Also I feel like he participated in his sisters’ longing to “see another man” while living in Russia, had a similar reaction to meeting Medic upon taking the Merc job as Zhanna meeting Scout/Soldier

(For those who have yet to read the comics, that reaction basically just being: “you are man. I am horny. let’s bang.” and Medic would just be like o///o “aight” I think)

Biggest trans supporter tho, idk why but it just makes sense he would be the first to punch the teeth out a transphobe. Defends other mercs when confronted about gender shit 100%

Engineer: Bisexual, preferring Women; ftm Trans

The more top surgery art I see of him, the more I fall in love with trans Engie. It’s basically canon to me now. You can take this from my cold, dead hands.

Idk not much else to say. He’s a switch, though, if that adds much of anything HXSKFJEJX

No bottom surgery in my mind, either. Just makes his own straps n shit, cause he can (one of his 11 PhDs was in sex, actually, did you know?)

Medic: Gay, ftm Trans (again, can take or leave)

The most bottom-gay I’ve ever seen, personally (idk how else to phrase it, forgive me)

Again, I feel like he’s been married to Heavy for a long time

If trans, did his own top and bottom surgery, probably at the same time, cause he knew he could and he’s fucking insane (scars are a little wild as a result but he wears them with pride)

Sniper: Gay. das it HFSKFJEK

Gay, but the type of guy where you’d never know til his fuckin boyfriend walks out and kisses him or sum

Also he’s exclusively a top in my mind. Idk why but I feel like he’s got control issues HHEEKLEDP

Again, not super out-spoken about his sexuality, but *will* go out of his way to stab a homophobe. Not kill them from a distance, specifically stab. Shit’s more personal that way (is that too morbid? sorry)

Spy: Bisexual, Genderfluid

Another bottom, but will top if needed (like with most women, if he somehow gets with *another* bottom, etc.)

He’s also a whore. A slut, even. Good for him.

OH AND GENDERFLUID omg. Saw some stuff about that recently so it’s new to my pea brain but I like it.

Again, like Sniper, I feel like he wouldn’t really talk about his gender stuff a lot, but would discover this of himself when disguising himself as women and just feeling. Just as comfortable, if not more comfortable as them at times.

Kinda sensitive about it, though, probably. Will stab anyone who mentions it while he’s figuring it out. But gets better upon meeting the mercs and their gay-asses, lmao

“holy shit it’s not that crazy to like to have boobs sometimes” type-beat.

ok i’m done. again feel free to add stuff, fight me (like, as a bro), or whatever. Love talking about it cause I love these lil weirdos. Probably too much. oh well hdkafjejfk

[fourthemarauders]

A couple of marauders era pride headcanons: (gonna post on my ig a better,funnier version so you should follow)

The gay/pan/bi awakening of (almost) every male in this particular era was either remus lupin, Frank Longbottom, or both.

In this order, these are my favourite trans hc's

#1 dorcas meadowes is a trans girlie once and for all.

#2 regulus black being trans is not a headcanon anymore. Its reality.

#3 once me and my friend (my wife) had a discussion about trans mary, and I'm kinda loving it. It would explain why there are only 4 boys in griffindor in their year. I think that mary came to Hogwarts still identifying as a male, and at the start of the second year, she came out, so they transported her to the female dorm.

Idk (&idc) if it's anyone's favourite, but I think Peter is a demi romantic+ demi sexual and he is attracted to girls only.

Sirius black is the most gender fluid person on earth. idk what is going through some of ya'lls minds (probably common sense, I usually don't have one). Okay? He is actually extremely non binary androgynous male sluty pup and I'm happy that he's having fun.

If we're taking a stroll through the animals Isle, let's talk about the handsomest of them all - Mr remus lupin. THE MAN IS BISEXUAL. and he's a playeahhhhh. I'm not sexualizing him. I'm just talking reality. He is a traumatised little sluty cassanova that does not believe in relationships since everybody left him (Orphanage-his-father-killed-himself-his mother-hates-him-headcanon) and he dates (wink wink) everything he can at the same time. I'm not saying he's a sex addict but he is.

Regulus and James - yes. Regulus and barty- no ew, it's like sleeping with your brother. Regulus and remus- remus was Regulus's first. This was not weird it's like when best friends are kissing in order to be better at making out.

Marlene - very much a lesbian, very much does not have a crush on Mary. She is her sister. Literally. Mary's parents adopted Marlene after she was kicked out for being a lesbian witch.

Lily-mary-pandora love triangle. I love it. I don't know enough about it. Tell me more.

Last but not least- barty and even. Even is in love with barty. Barty is playing with him. Same ol' story.

That's it for today.

P.s.the lesbians testing on remus and realising man are not their thing is obvious.

[redditreceipts]

i feel like i do agree with most radfem stances but then some just don’t make sense to me

like stating that someone’s bf begging for sex or acting sad he isn’t getting any is akin to rape/coercion into sex? it just doesn’t sit right to me because i got assaulted and it was .. forceful, i didn’t get to decide ‘oh i feel bad for this person, guess i will just do it!’ i didn’t want to and i was forced to. i feel like the many posts about how having consensual sex you regret because you consented for bad reasons making it ‘rape’ are disrespectful towards anyone who actually got assaulted/raped.

then there’s also the thing where Tifs are treated like they are just harmless deluded girls, when most tifs are homophobic and gross- you constantly see them mocking gay men and talking about how they want to go ‘stealth’ and would be fine tricking a gay man into sex. but radfems ignore that and mostly talk about tims.

i also don’t get if most radfems are pro gay or not because i got told multiple times that women who have consensual sex with men or who got married (by their own choice) to a man and had kids with him are also somehow ‘lesbians’. it just sounds like they think lesbian = manhating bisexual with trauma. idk most radfems on here i agree with until it comes down to these 3 points.

hmmm, so I can't speak for all feminists here on tumblr, but I can just give my personal opinion on these points.

So I don't have much authority on the first point, because I've never experienced that (well, I haven't experienced it so far lmao). But I think that the problem is that we have very few words for very different experiences of sexual violence. We have "molestation", "rape", "sexual violence", "coercion", "sexual assuault", - and... well, I'm not a native speaker so I don't know all of the terms, maybe, but most of these terms are just polite descriptions of sexual violence. I think we should invent new terms to differentiate. Maybe one umbrella term like "sexual violence", and then a term for coercion with physical violence, coercion with verbal violence, coercion with manipulation, coercion with threats of taking important things away from a person, coercion from an authority figure via their authority, rape of an inebriated person... Like with violence via physical impact, where we have the terms "punch", "hit", "strike", "nudge", "slap", "beat", "smack", "thump", "pound", "smash", "slam", "hammer", "box", "bump", "spank", etc. Imagine there was just one term: "to hit". But if there was just this one term "to hit", one person would say "I was hit" when they have been bumped into, and you would say "I was hit" when you had been punched in the face. It would of course seem crazy to act as if these two experiences had been similar, but the problem is not someone appropriating someone else's terminology, but the problem is that there is just one word for violence via impact. Maybe that's the problem?

Second, I do think that there is a difference between TIMs and TIFs. 1. Men are more violent than women and there is no reason to think that this would change with transition. There are violent women, yes, but not as many as there are violent men, so violence in men is far larger problem. 2. Also, a woman who is violent against men is less likely to be able to do harm because she will be smaller on average. 3. The general attitude toward transgender people among gay men and lesbian women is very different. While lesbians and bisexual women tend to welcome straight TIMs with open arms (and get to feel the repercussions of that), gay men tend to be much more confident in excluding women from their sexuality. Almost every subreddit for gay men would be labelled as a "TERF"-subreddit if it was women behaving in the exact same way. While gay men have basically the entire internet to talk about how they hate vagina, lesbians have carved out this very little space to talk about how they hate dick. so that's why this is much more frequent, I guess 4. most people on here are lesbian and bisexual women. So I guess that venting about transbians is more common because trans gay men don't invade our spaces. If they do, that's shitty nonetheless of course.

And on the third point - well, many women get married to men they are not attracted to. So if you marry a man you don't like and you do it because of internalised homophobia, you would still be a lesbian. If you are genuinely sexually attracted to him, you would be bisexual. But I've not really seen that happening, but if it did, I'd be happy to get a link because that's of course nonsense, a person who is genuinely attracted to men is not a lesbian.

I hope this answered your questions a bit :)

[nothorses]

hi! u can ignore this of course but I’ve just decided i’m trans again (long journey) and I had some questions and idk who to ask!!! again you can totally ignore this if you want!!! like i literally rediscovered i might (probably am) a trans guy last night and i’m sort of freaking out as for now. when i first thought i was trans i didn’t really like myself so this was easier but now i do and it’s sort of a totally different experience than what i was used to.

A big worry is, I like my face. like, I really like it and really care about being pretty and I don’t dislike myself generally just think i’d make more sense as a guy and that I’d be happier like that. i’d like to look a bit more masculine but just enough to look like a really pretty guy instead of a woman. can i still be trans or like should i look into my feelings being about something else ? and is there any chance i could achieve what i want with my face while still taking T (I really want the fat redistribution)? I’m also absolutely terrified about losing my hair and i’d heard it depends on my father? but i took the hair gene from mom? i don’t know.

I’m also really worried about dating? I’m bisexual but I’ll probably just date men (i like masc women but have never really met any that aren’t lesbians). I’m not mourning being able to be with straight men bc i’ve really always avoided them (no shade i just never could stand the thought of dating them which is actually one of the reasons i figured out i was probably not comfortable being a girl). Still I’m worried that queer guys won’t look at me twice?

I’m also going to be in a new, big city in september and should i just start by telling people i’m a guy? since i’m long-haired and don’t plan on changing that and i definitely won’t be on hormones or anything by then, I certainly will not be passing. I can do some voice training but I’m not sure to what degree that will help. I’m thin and have no curves that can be seen through most clothes so i don’t think that when clothed anything will be just outright obvious but i think if i speak to people it will definitely be obvious. should i specify i’m trans or just introduce myself with my very obvious male name and give no more explanation? I’m also autistic and was already terrified of never making friends (i have a good group now and tbh there’s no chance they’re going to be cool about this and i’m already mourning them lmao) and now the fear is worse.

If I had to weigh pros and cons i’d definitely say there are no pros to this thing that i’m thinking of doing, but i can’t imagine any future as a woman, (maybe not really as a man either but if i had to choose). I have trouble imagining myself with a straight man or in a wedding dress at this point or things like that, and there’s just been this disconnect lately. i like myself when i look in the mirror but maybe i’m just excited about being conventionally attractive. Still when I imagine myself it’s a flat-chested person. I’ve also been fighting for my life to not be trans so that might mean something. I’m afraid on wasting another two years on thinking i’m trans when i’m not, but the more i’ve grown comfortable and comfortable with myself the more i realized i couldn’t relate to women. Now that I’ve figured out i’m wondering about how to get through the summer w people that don’t know me and wearing a certain kind of clothes. I’m so worried.

Sorry for the vent or whatever this is. you can ignore and i do realize i sound absolutely crazy i’m just freaking out atm.

First off- congratulations on the gender journey! I know how hard it can be to go through something like this, but coming to understand yourself better is such a wonderful, rewarding, relieving experience, and I'm so glad you're taking steps towards what feels good for you.

And second- it's normal for that to be scary, too. It's normal to feel some fear and hesitation when you start to unravel who you are, and what that might mean. You're not alone!

It sounds like you might be feeling some time pressure around this, and my first piece of advice is that if you are feeling like there's a deadline and you need to rush to a conclusion or action before then, that's a really good sign that you need to take a step back, slow down, and breathe. It's normal to feel some urgency with this sort of thing, but ask yourself where that's coming from. It's one thing to want to "stop wasting time" because you know what you want & you don't want to keep waiting for it, but it's another entirely to feel like you have to make a decision to meet some kind of arbitrary deadline.

If you aren't sure what you want but you feel pressured to make a decision anyway, you should slow down. If that deadline is being imposed by some external force, ask yourself what it might look like (and feel like) to slow down and miss that deadline anyways. I really love the phrase "slow down to speed up": most of the time, trying to rush something causes complications and missteps that make the whole thing take a lot longer than if you'd just slowed down and done it right in the first place! If you're not ready, you're not ready. Let yourself be ready at your own pace.

That aside, I'll try to answer your other questions:

"can i still be trans or like should i look into my feelings being about something else?"

You can do whatever you want forever! There's no benchmark you need to meet in order to be trans, and nobody else can tell you if you're trans or not. Honestly, I recommend setting that whole label aside for a while, if you feel bogged down by this kind of question. Who cares if you "count" as trans or not? What matters is what you want, who you want to be, and what feels good to you. Labels should be used to describe what you already know about yourself, not the other way around.

Lots of trans people want the exact same thing you've expressed here, so you wouldn't be alone! And some cis people want that, too.

"is there any chance i could achieve what i want with my face while still taking T (I really want the fat redistribution)?"

Yes, there's a chance! How T impacts you is super dependent on genetics, so you may end up looking the way you want to... and you might not! I also personally found that what I wanted from T actually changed after I went on it; I ended up loving a lot of the changes that I thought I wouldn't like so much. Ultimately, my decision to go on T was mostly based around the knowledge that I was not happy with my body as it was, I did want a lot of the effects of T, and I decided I would be happier rolling the dice and trading off what I didn't like then for what I might not like later. I also decided that I could go off T at any time if I decided that I didn't want those changes anymore, and that I would be making the decision to be on T each time I took it, rather than once and forever.

"I’m also absolutely terrified about losing my hair and i’d heard it depends on my father? but i took the hair gene from mom?"

Male pattern baldness (MPB) comes through the X chromosome. If you have XY chromosomes (like most people who are AMAB), you inherit one X chromosome from your mother, and one Y chromosome from your father. If you have XX chromosomes (like most people who are AFAB), you get one X chromosome from each parent, so you can inherit MPB from either parent.

MPB is also treatable; if your hair starts to thin an abnormal amount, or if you're just worried about it (or have MPB on both sides of your family) you can ask your doctor about treatment options. There are topical options as well as oral medications, and while I have heard it's much harder to reverse, it's actually fairly easy to prevent.

"I’m worried that queer guys won’t look at me twice"

My boyfriend is a cis queer man... many such cases. Queer guys will absolutely look at you twice. Some will look at you thrice. Many will look at you twice entirely because you are trans, and some of those will be doing so because trans people are hot and they see us as people (and not just sex objects for their own benefit).

Also, I really recommend basing your transition on your personal happiness with your body and self first; if the people around you can't be happy for you, they genuinely are not worth keeping around. People who care about you in a real and healthy way will be happy for your happiness!

I'm so serious about this, anon. My dad changed his whole opinion on trans people when I came out because he a) did not want to lose me, and b) saw that it made me happy. The man was conservative (and maybe still is...?), but he cares about me enough that he reconsidered his whole worldview for me. You deserve that kind of love. Everyone does.

"I’m also going to be in a new, big city in september and should i just start by telling people i’m a guy?"

I like your idea of just telling folks you're a guy with no further explanation! This also really depends on where you're going, if you think you'll be safe in doing this, how long you'll be there, if you'll be starting T/expect to see changes.... etc. If you were, for example, going to Seattle for a few months and wanted to try the "guy" hat on for a bit just to see how it feels, I'd say go for it! If you feel like you'll be reasonably safe and you think this is the way you'll want to continue to be perceived for some time, that would also probably be a solid choice. But it's context-dependent, and I think you might need to feel it out for yourself and ask some folks with more context!

I also want to challenge the "girl/guy" binary I think I'm reading in your ask: you don't have to choose one or the other! Nonbinary people exist, and there is such an incredible range of experiences and genders outside of the male/female binary. So many people relate to so many of them, in so many different ways! Infinite gender experiences! If you feel comfortable as a man, that's awesome; if you feel like you might be something else entirely, or both, or one of them and some other stuff, that's also great! If this is all new to you, please take some time to learn more about nonbinary genders & experiences from nonbinary people. I promise it's more than worth it.

You are not alone, there are so many people who will love you for whoever you are, and good luck!

[lizzibennet]

Hiii you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but what made you realise you were a lesbian rather than bi? As someone who has always identified as bi since discovering the concept of it, sometimes I really do wonder.

Or do u think of it as more fluidly- something that changes with the time of life and people you surround yourself with and other factors.

And are all the sexuality phases you have been through just as valid as the current one or can the past be negated by the strong sense of change at that moment?

Idk I just want your thoughts on it (again feel free to ignore!) (Ps: also i would love to hear your recommendation on bi lit books, fiction or otherwise!!)

sooooo to put it very simply, i realized my “attraction” to men was actually just a sense of me wanting to get recognition and validation from them. this was truly SHOCKING to me as i’ve always considered myself a pretty independent person who didn’t give a shit about what anyone thinks, and on a surface level that is true, but this was something unconscious, in such a deep level that i needed help in therapy to be able to understand it! there was just something about being *desired* by men that made me feel good, but things like, say, sex or the actual romantic relationships i pursued with them were never fulfilling to me, emotionally or physically. i also was always into men who just were not good to me and i sought it out, i think, as a form of self harm. i just thought that’s how i was! and then i met my girlfriend and just so much slotted into place. i think a lot is different because she is the love of my life, but i also needed to admit how many things seemed to be different because she is a woman, how many things are good and easy with her and were good and easy with my ex gf but were terrible headaches when dating my ex bfs. so much of my demeanor just unconsciously changed when we started dating and i felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, like i didn’t need to “perform” as a woman as much, and as someone who DI DN’T think i performed before i knew there was something to examine there. truly there is so much!!!! a lot of my life seems to make more sense now! i always had a little bit of doubt and even tested the label when i was like 16 but in the end i just realized even if the gf and i broke up i would simply never want to date a man again ever in my life and would only ever pursue women from then on. i also realized the things i did like about the men i dated were simply things i could get from friends. i could never be wholly fulfilled only being friends with women, i’d want to date and fall in love with them, but i do not need or want that from men. the few parts of my relationships w men i did like (which were pointedly not the sexual or romantic part of it, more like the camaraderie of it i guess) i easily get from my male friends now. saurrrr this is totally rambly because it’s still very much not tidy in my mind yet tbh but yeah comphet and a lot of self hatred did a number on me LMAO

i think sexuality can definitely be fluid and i could very well have been bisexual and then later become a lesbian! i personally don’t think that was the case with me, i think i’ve always been a lesbian and just now with the clarity of AdulthoodTM and so many relationships and experiences i can have more context and know that i’ve probably always really been attracted to women and thats all. in the end even when i id’d as bi i always said i did not want to marry a man and always thought i’d end up with a woman so i think at some level i probably always knew a little bit.

(of course bisexuals with preferences exist and having been on the receiving end of biphobia so many times over the course of the last decade i feel very strongly that bi experiences and the bi community and its history are very important for all lgbt people to know! id’ing as bi, i always felt like the fact a ton of our experiences were not black and white and uniform made other members of the lgbt community uncomfortable, and, well, now i’m a lesbian with a track record that can only be defined as contentious lmao, so i relate stoll. the discussions happening within bi spaces are all very enlightening and important. i always felt safe and very welcomed in bi spaces and i loved the local community. i just felt like i had to say this- i need it to be very clear that my experience does not invalidate bisexuality in any way shape or form)

i have no like ill will towards past me for not “seeing it” sooner, i simply do not want to be that anymore. idk if “negate” is the word i’d use, i think all my past experiences as they happened then were valid and important and tbh if interpreted them as i was back then then i have no interest in going back and revisiting all of it. i thought of myself like that back then, i lived my life as best as i could then, this is what i think now and i’ll live my life as best as i can from now on. i’m not really the type to latch/hold onto past deeds. i’ll reexamine something if i think it’s worthwhile for current me but i don’t feel the need to go and recontextualize my entire life it that makes sense. that’s how i was then and this is how i am now, both phases are just as valid in my opinion

tldr i 🩷 my gf!!!!!!!!!!

[indecisive-dizzy]

Hmm,,,,,,,,,, howdy/eddie angst cause they won’t leave my brain

I love them, I love them so much. So they need to suffer >:)

Howdy is a petty ex, I can’t see it any other way

I think they dated in high school, but Howdy’s internalized homophobia kinda definitely ruined things

I think howdy said some… not nice things to Eddie (that he totally doesn’t think about himself haha 😅) and that ended the relationship

Howdy still has feelings, but he still hasn’t fully accepted himself for being bisexual so he pushes them away

Eddie was a hot mess after their breakup, he felt like he failed their relationship even though he tried his best to make things work

What Howdy said stuck with him for years. It was the first time someone he loved told him such things to his face and it haunts him

When they’re adults, Eddie tries to be cordial but Howdy just avoids him and is very bitter either with him

Howdy will never admit it, but in their relationship he liked Eddie more when he was in drag because he could pretend his relationship was “normal”

Howdy is so internalized it hurts but it still didn’t excuse him treating his bf like trash 😔

For extra angst Eddie dates Latter later on and their relationship is actually really happy and healthy

That drives Howdy up the wall, there’s now way someone could like LATTER more than him (I love u latter this is Howdy’s thoughts not mine :,3)

Lizzy tries to be supportive of Howdy’s struggles, but there’s a reason she confided in Latter that she was a lesbian before Howdy :(

Rip Eddie Dear you would’ve loved Chappel Roan

He listens to Pink Pony Club and cries in drag

Casual and Good Luck, Babe give me their relationship vibes

Also Lizzy’s girlfriend is called Gabby and she’s very pretty :)

Random but I think they both stood up Daisey at least once lmao

They’re just hanging out with Daisey and something comes up so they have to go and accidentally end up ditching Daisey

They’re just sitting at the bus stop with one of their coats, smoking a cigarette as they’re waiting for the bus. If they had a nickel for the amount of times that’s happened, they’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice /ref

Either way I think they need to talk it out. And Howdy needs to smooch a man without being ashamed of it- *cough cough* Barnany- *cough cough*

My brain is full of them so this seems kinda random lmao

Have a good day/night pookie :D

The Grinch ass smile I smiled when I read "Howdy is a petty ex" lmaooo HE IS. This man in insufferable and I want to put him in a blender (affectionate)

Howdy projecting his internalized problems onto others sob. my brain came up with the idea that the things Howdy said he didn't say in a purposefully offensive way? like "well yeah duh everyone knows..." like Obviously this thing he hates abouts himself is common sense and everyone thinks this way??

idk I just don't think he started it trying to be offensive. but it was and turned into a full shouting match as Eddie got offended/hurt and emotional. Eddie left crying (sobbing)

cough Eddie pretends he either forgot Howdy all together or at least their relationship cough. blames his bad memory to be respectful and Not Have To Talk About It. Eddie with avoidance tendencies <3 my poor bbg

You're so right. Howdy already disliked Latter (gee wonder why) but now he's in a relationship with His EX. AND They're happy and healthy! Howdy's Gonna blow a fuseeee

Eddie Dear is just like me fr. I Listen to Pink Pony Club and cry. Not in drag, but that's a skill issue lol

Poor Daisey 😭😭🤣 also, reference spotted. I have way more than two nickels for everytime I've seen this ref. I could buy a yacht!

They dooo, but Howdy's bitterness and Eddie's avoidance of the subject make it Difficult. God it'd be so funny and if Frank (or Latter?) and Barnaby teamed up (unlikely duo my beloved) to Force them to talk.

Barnaby get that "If You Were Gay" song and kiss that worm akdhajdja I think it'd fix him 🤣

[find-your-queery]

hey so i usually use the label bisexual for convenience (most people understand what that means), but i don't actually have a label i use for myself! idk if i want to use a more specific label, but it'd be nice to know if there is one out there!

so i'm transmasc but my attraction to women feels incredibly sapphic if that makes sense? i used to identify as lesbian before i transitioned, however i have realized i am also attracted to men. i have heard of mspec lesbian labels and i would totally use that if i was a woman, but since i'm a man i don't know if that would really fit? and this without even getting into my gender (might ask about that in a separate ask) but in simple terms i'm a genderqueer femboy

anyways basically my ask is if there's mspec sapphic identities that can apply to non-women aligned folks?

Hi there! This answer starts a bit different from the previous queeries so that I can say that it's totally fine to still identify as an mspec lesbian even after transitioning! I've seen a few trans men fit this criteria, and it's totally fine and valid if you feel it still fits you!

That being said, the terms I can best associate with your queery are Gyne/Womasexual, Omnisexual and Polysexual!

Gynesexual or Womasexual people feel attracted to women, females, and femininity! This term can be used without specifying one's gender! (The man, male, and masculinity equivalent of this is Androsexual/Masexual)

-reources used: lgbtqia.fandom

Omnisexual people feel attraction to all genders, but gender still plays a role in the attraction. This may show as either a preference for a certain gender, recognition, or different attraction for certain genders. Though it can be compared to Pansexual, the main difference is the recognition of gender involved in the feelings of attraction for Omnisexual people, whereas Pansexual is attraction regardless of gender.

Polysexual people are also similar to Omnisexual people, though the difference being that a Polysexual person may not be attracted to all genders, while an Omnisexual person is. Again, gender still plays a role in this orientation!

- - -

If you disagree with this answer and/or think there is a better label/term that fits the inQueery, that's okay! Kindly let us know so we can learn together!

[winderlylandchime]

I love logging onto tumblr to learn that we are now discovering that Randy is poly and has a fun little podcast where he is outgoing and fun. Been a fan of that man since 2010 and in a span of a day, I learned more about him from a 40 minute podcast than I ever did before from all interviews and other stuff I ever saw with him in it. And now I have a lot of thoughts and feelings. I just realized that I actually can’t remember if i saw the podcast stuff from you or one of your mutuals omg, this is embarrassing, sorry if this is random and i got it all mixed up

Hello dear sweet anon!

I was posting about Randy’s podcast yesterday, but I didn’t start the ripple through the fandom. And I haven’t yet listened to any other episodes beyond the Poly Pocket episode (I will though!). I have so many thoughts, so buckle in.

First off, Randy’s voice is… idk it’s a little different from Justin’s. Which makes sense because he’s 20+ years older. But his voice sounds so so much like my friend’s voice. My friend who happens to be in an open marriage (like with hookups and boyfriends). So it was wild to hear him talk about things both pop culture and queer culture and relationships with many of the same opinion’s my friend has (also, just realized my friend’s initials are JT). I would love to get coffee with Randy and talk to him about drag race, I hope when I listen to other episodes I get to hear more of his hot takes on it.

Anyway, I adore Randy and Jordan’s opinions about monogamy and non-monogamy. As @phil-lester-is-my-sunshine has said Randy is so Brian Kinney-coded. His rejection of compulsory heteronormativity and all the trappings that go along with it (putting a romantic relationship above and beyond all other relationships, the need to get married, etc) and the idea that one should sacrifice oneself for a romantic relationship, I absolutely agree with. I thought it was interesting how both of them discussed how not having sex education (in the US) discuss sex beyond procreation in the context of hetero relationships and that created space for them as queer men to have a more analytical and nuanced approach to sex and relationships, I think is very true. Speaking as someone in a queer relationship (and previously in relationships that as a cisgender femme presenting woman were perceived as straight) I can speak to how much more freedom I have felt with my current partner/spouse to create a relationship that works for us compared with previous partners/spouse.

That said, I felt the conversation, while acknowledging differences for women (the pressure society places on us to be married and have children), didn’t fully take into account the experiences of *queer* women, where the expectations that are placed on women in relationships with men are sometimes the same and sometimes different but ultimately involve people who have consciously rejected heteronormativity. And, look, I’m glad that Randy and Jordan did not presume to speak for queer women (hi, Trixie and Katya, I adore you but your takes on lesbians during the I Like to Watch: Ultimatum Queer Love were not it).

I have found that lesbians/queer women/queer nonbinary afab folks are more open to non-monogamy than straight women (and I’m not talking about bisexual women in relationships with men, they are not straight). But it often doesn’t look like Brian and Justin going out and sleeping with a different trick every night. When Randy and Jordan spoke about the importance of platonic relationships (and YES THIS because our ace/aro siblings are a part of our community), I see often that queer women (as a shorthand for the identities listed above) have far closer and more intimate relationships with each other than straight women. There’s also less jealousy about being friends with exes, in my experience (and there’s some research to back this up). I don’t see as much (as much, so not zero) open relationships around sex as perhaps among gay men. Maybe that has to do with women being subjected to hormonal shifts through the “month” (loosely defined, for menstruating women) that impact our interest in sex and several days during the month (for menstruating women) when,frankly, I don’t want anyone touching my body because I’m in pain. Maybe that’s because sex with partners who each have a vulva is like… well one person I know described it as being on single-camera shoot and sex when (at least) one partner has a penis is more like a multi-camera shoot. That’s a very Hollywood analogy but there ya go. I don’t know. I do know that my spouse and I are sexually exclusive but that has far more to do with laziness and tiredness and chronic illnesses than a stance on sexual exclusivity. I also know that we more freely talk about people whom we find attractive than I see happening with my straight partnered friends. I don’t have any ex-girlfriends but my spouse does and I’m friends with many of them. I know that our concerns about being physically close with friends (sharing kisses, cuddles, etc) are nonexistent compared with the straight friends I have. I do know that when we have spoken about the future with our close friends, we talk about moving into a compound together and living as a large family. I also know that lesbians are known for falling fast and falling hard emotionally (aforementioned Ultimatum Queer Love - c’mon lesbians are MADE for reality tv dating shows, who else is falling in love in 3 weeks?) and that doesn’t always include sex. So the emotional intimacy of friendships has a large overlap with the emotional intimacy of our romantic relationships.

I hope that all makes sense.

I love Randy’s triad (they’re raising a kid together!) for him. I love Jordan’s open romantic relationship for him. I love their discussion about relationships. I just wish there had been even a teensy tiny acknowledgment that queer women may have experiences and thoughts about relationships that align with neither queer men nor straight women. That’s all.

Fun fact: there was a brief (very brief, trauma-induced) period where my spouse and I seriously considered having a child. Our friend (JT) was the only person we wanted as the sperm donor. And, when we discussed it with him, we talked about him moving in with us and all three of us raising the kid together. We would not have all three had a sexual relationship, of course, but we would have been a triad emotionally. Obviously, that did not come to fruition. But had I had a kid, I would have wanted no fewer than three parents. Per child. And this is, perhaps, why it was wonderful that I chose to not have kids.

[girlvinland]

I keep having thoughts that feel kind of judgmental, but where I’m not exactly trying to be and where I’m trying to make more sense of a particular topic.

I know that I came out late. I kind of hesitate to say “really late” bc wrt to my generation/background/location, I don’t necessarily categorize it like that. And when the entire process began around ~25 (the age I first started questioning if I was a lesbian rather than bisexual), I’m like. Meh about calling it super late or whatever.

And okay. I clearly know what it’s like to stay in a LTR with a man when you don’t actually want to but do it so other people (family, him, etc.) can be happy at the expense of your own happiness and desires. But somehow it’s still hard for me to understand how other people “like me” progress further than I did.

Like, when I got engaged, it was for a very short time because thinking about marrying a man (even one I was close to) was making me physically ill, filling me with this immense grief and everything. I could not actually go through with it once it progressed into a planning-type stage. The idea of going even further, getting married, having a child or children all seems incomprehensible to me. I don’t mean that to come across as vaguely misogynistic, although maybe I do still have some internalized misogyny, because a lot of it is like. I can’t imagine carrying a child in a marriage with a man. I would have brief moments where I could see a family in theory, but when it came to the reality of it, it was always like no. No no no no no. People talk about social dysphoria with gender, and it was almost like that but with sexuality. Like the idea of that was just. Wrong for me.

And I do have a hard time understanding the experiences of other people who came out later who did those things. I know gay men do this too, and idk why it’s so hard for me to wrap my head around. It’s like I can get staying in a LTR with someone you aren’t actually attracted to because people do that all the time anyway, or stay with people who aren’t necessarily good for them or whatever, but things like marriage, kids, etc. Those take so much preparation and so many steps. I don’t know if my thoughts on this are negative or maybe gatekeepy (which I DEFINITELY don’t have a right to be and am not trying to be that way lol), it’s just hard for me because a looooot of spaces for people who came out late include people who are divorced and have kids and I just can’t relate to them/wish I knew more people with my own experience.

[renthony]

Thank you so much! ^^ I also saw that you like the dragon prince, I tried getting into it and it gave me very queerbaity vibes, does it get better? I'm really hoping it gets better but I'm kinda scared because it's actually been treated really well by Netflix and they don't always treat queer media very well idk if that makes sense

It has multiple canon queer character as of season 4! There is a married lesbian couple in the backstory, and though they die, there is another canon lesbian couple that is currently alive and engaged to be married. There is also a married gay couple (though one is currently in a magical prison), a nonbinary side character, and, as of season 4, a trans man in the main cast. He gets a sweet coming out scene and everything.

The lead writer and producer is bisexual, and has said that all characters are bisexual until proven otherwise (though I don't have that screenshot on hand at the moment). Even if that's a joke and not a serious word-of-god, there are queer people in the writers' room, so it's not just a bunch of straight people dangling representation as bait. There are also multiple queer people on the cast who have talked about how well the crew has treated them, so it seems like the behind-the-scenes is pretty solidly queer-friendly.

I also think it's worth noting that the first three seasons of The Dragon Prince were released between 2018 and 2019, when a ton of things were changing in the American animation landscape re: queer rep. (For timeline context, the She-Ra finale was in 2020.) I can only speculate if Netflix censorship affected the writing in the first three seasons, but I think it's worth noting the timeline if nothing else.

tl;dr, it's not queerbait, and more queer characters are being added as the show progresses!

[elbiotipo]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

Honestly? I have no idea. The answer to your questions could take whole books. Indeed they must have.

I actually don't understand what makes sexuality or gender, on its current definitions, work. I doubt we will ever get a single answer. For sure there is an inborn component to it, I have gay friends who have told me they had same-sex crushes from kindergarter. I also don't think one can't discount cultural or enviromental developments. I'm not sure, for example, how strong my own same-sex attraction is, but I know I wouldn't have even considered it if I didn't know about the possibility (many people on my own friend circle don't even understand how something such as bisexuality exists). I don't believe sexuality or gender can be defined in "boxes" or even clear cut identities. I have a lesbian friend who tells me she has lots of men who are 'an exception' to her, I've met people who cross-dress without thinking of themselves as transgender, or a trans man who considers his life as a woman as just another phase and dislikes the "deadname" concept.

From a purely biological evolutionary perspective, I think that sexuality, as in, sex for pleasure, is a bonding activity. It's a parallel of what surged in lion prides or cat colonies "why fight when we can love instead", except humans were descended from social beings, so sexuality was inherent to us. As for gender, despite obvious anatomical differences, humans are rather similar between biological sexes, we really don't have that much differences beyond those found culturally. We are more like wolves than lions in that aspect.

As humans are cultural beings and we take what we find in nature and process it into abstract terms, we have created a large "structure", is that the right word? around gender and sexuality, among different cultures and times. I don't believe there is a single correct way to interpret such things, only that it seems inherent to us, obviously, as biological beings to seek sex for procreation and also for pleasure and social bonding, and from there all the complexity arises.

I don't want to say most humans are "pan/bi" because that makes no sense, but I will say that people seem to be inborn with certain preferences to a biological sex or another, but that those traits are more flexible than we think, and that they can be changed to a certain extent by cultural and enviromental factors.

I'm sure there are authors that have explored these topics better than me.