#i am always up so late and yet today that i have so much motivation to gif my eyes are literally closing

[elssbethtascioni]

Hey, Perry Smith told Capote things he never told anyone else.

Under the Bridge - 1x05

[tojisbbygworl]

The Apartment Across The Street - Sukuna x Reader

In the short time he watches her, he learns 3 new things: 1. She has a mirror on the left side of the window. 2. She is completely unaware of how easily someone could see her in all her half-naked glory. 3. Sukuna could overpower her if it came down to it.

Or maybe it’s 4 things. From the beating of his heart and the warm rushing feeling heading towards his dick, he learns the drug he thought he needed might not be a drug at all.

Words: 6.7k

Tags - 18+ MDNI, No Use of Y/N, No Curses, Set in late 90s/early 00s, Smut, Angst, High Sex, Missionary, Degredation, Marijuana, Slight x Toji (I can't help myself)

WARNINGS - Dead Dove, Dark, Non-Con/Dub-con, Breaking and Entering, Sukuna and Toji are criminals, Sukuna's a hitman, Choking, Violence

AO3 Version

Masterlist

author's note: Heyyyy! Okay I went a little too hard like I always do so this is a bit long and (imo) it get's a little intense so be warned. I hope you enjoy hopefully I have some motivation to keep writing. art cred: @innaillus

That apartment used to be empty.

Sukuna hadn’t been home in a week. He doesn’t mind. He’s learned to not have too many hopes or expectations in this line of work. Besides, he prefers being his own boss. He accepts contracts when he needs money then he’s off until it runs out. Doesn’t matter if they take days or even weeks.

Shorter jobs like this one weren’t his treat. They don’t pay as much as he likes, but it works out. These apartments were a bit shitty, they didn’t cost too much. And, he was right in the middle of the city. Easy to meet clients. The clubs went on all night long. Which is exactly how late he was out when he was home. Actually, he was planning to go out tonight. Meet up with Toji and see if he can’t get a woman in his bed by 2 am.

He wondered how long it would take to see his newest neighbor. The way the apartments in the complex are built, you could easily see into your neighbor’s bedroom. 'State guidelines say blinds aren’t required. You buy them,' was the response he received when he brought the problem up to the landlord. A lot of people invested in curtains, maybe they hadn’t bought any yet. He saw a bed, but it seems to be the only thing they’ve managed to set up. There were a couple boxes with flaps wide open sitting beside it.

After a few more moments of rumination, he closed his curtain and laid down on his bed waiting for a text to come over. In truth, he couldn't wait to see who was unlucky enough to be his new window neighbor. The last one didn’t go too well. They also didn’t invest in curtains and he isn’t entirely sure if he’s the reason they moved out, but he’s sure they didn’t appreciate catching his stare multiple times a day. And that one time at midnight.

-

All it took was the next morning.

Sukuna’s eyes crept open and he stared towards the ceiling. The girl he brought home last night was dead asleep and naked on his chest. He yawned and wiped his face tiredly. He nudged the girl off of him a bit, then sat up on the side of his bed. Ugh, he felt like shit. Toji always went entirely too hard when they went out, but Sukuna doesn’t mind. He has nowhere to be. Nothing to do. 

He got up and stretched then walked to the bathroom. As he completed his morning routine, he pondered about what today would behold for him. This is another reason he hated short jobs. Sukuna loves free time, but only if there’s something to do with it. There never really is.

He could kill that girl in his bedroom. In fact, he could have killed any girl he brought home since he moved in half a year ago. But the last time he made his job his hobby, it didn’t go so well for him. It was too close of a call, and getting arrested for murder just isn’t worth it. He could spend a couple months in the pen, not years at a time.

He spat out his toothpaste. Life was so fucking mundane. He had no life goals, barely any friends, his little brother hates him, and he works alone. All things he doesn’t actually care about, but shit, when is he going to get some excitement? Nothing gets him going anymore.

He needs something that will make him feel. A drug of some sort? But that doesn’t seem right to him. Even now as he walks back in the room staring at the woman in his bed, he feels nothing. If she woke back up and decided she wanted to have sex with him, he would say yes, but only because it’s something to do. He’s not feeling any particular way about her.

The moment he sat back down on the bed, she started shifting around. A few seconds later, she lifts her head and yawns. “Good morning.” She giggles, she leans over and kisses his cheek. Sukuna grunts.

The girl looks around the dark room. “It is morning, right?” She doesn’t let him answer before she stands up and opens the curtains. “Oh wow,” she exclaims. “I can see directly into your neighbor’s room.” She says. He still doesn’t get up, just hums at her.

“She’s cute though.”

Sukuna perks up upon hearing that. “Oh yeah? I haven’t seen her yet. She’s new.”

This was the first time since they’ve met that she said something interesting, but unfortunately for him, she drops the subject immediately and walks back into bed, leaving the curtains open. Sukuna holds back his sigh. Does he really want to spend the rest of his morning with this girl? It was half past 8. Way too early.

“I'm going to start getting ready for work,” he says without skipping a beat. She stops in her tracks and blinks at him, clearly not expecting that. It’s silent for a few moments. Sukuna’s not sure what she’s waiting on, but if it’s for him to say he’s kidding or let her stay, she’s sorely mistaken.

“Oh, I thought you were contracted,” she says nervously.

‘I only work when I feel like it, gorgeous.’ Sukuna inwardly curses himself for his suave nature. “Yeah. I got a contract. In an hour.”

His curtness and annoyed expression did good to make her feel completely and totally unwanted. The girl awkwardly smiled at him. “Oh, ha ha. Yeah…okay.” Sukuna got up and walked out of the room. Give her a little space to feel like shit while she gets ready to leave. He makes himself a cup of coffee, his face still that same blank expression even after he hears her rushing out the door from behind him. When she’s gone he takes himself back into his room.

He walks up to his window to close the curtains once more until someone catches his eye. He freezes and his eyebrows shoot upwards. That girl was right. She was cute. And he had the perfect view of her. She seemed to be posing or checking herself out. Sukuna wasn’t sure which one it was, but he hoped she didn’t stop. That bikini she had on was doing wonders for her, and him.

Something was off. Looking at her made him…tense. His hands were gripping the curtains, he was biting the inside of his cheek, his leg was shaking; Was it anxiety? No, she’s not making him nervous. What he’s feeling is euphoric. He likes it. He wants to grip her bare waist and squeeze her until she bruises.

In the short time he watches her, he learns 3 new things: 1. She has a mirror on the left side of her window. 2. She is completely unaware of how easily someone could see her in all her half-naked glory. 3. Sukuna could overpower her if it came down to it. Or maybe it’s 4 things. From the beating of his heart and the warm rushing feeling heading towards his dick, he learns the drug he thought he needed might not be a drug at all.

-

It doesn’t take long after that to finally meet her.

Before taking his most recent job, Sukuna had nearly consumed everything in his fridge. What was left was now finished and he spent a lot of his morning sulking at a half empty milk carton, his breakfast for the day. He hated eating out, it messed with his figure.

The local grocery wasn't too bad of a walk from his place, although he hated carrying everything back. He always bought a few necessities and a few ingredients to quickly whip something up for his dinner. Today, he’d have to bulk up if he doesn’t want to keep coming back.

As much as he hated the public, shopping never seemed to be a problem for him. He was tall and intimidating, he never smiled, he was always tense; people tended to avoid him like the plague. He appreciated it. But, as he enters the frozen meal aisle with his cart half full he wishes that just for a moment, he looked approachable. Then, this would be much easier.

There she was, in sweatpants and a cropped tube top, looking at the frozen pizzas. She looked like she had been home all day. She was much cuter now that he could see her better. A lot cuter. She’s pretty as hell.

Thank goodness, too. He already knew what her body looked like, what with her constantly taking pictures of herself in front of the window. She liked to play dress up, she would try on entirely different outfits before she was satisfied. Pretty soon, the colors of her bras and panties would be ingrained into his memory.

He stood there looking her up and down for a few more seconds before he started browsing once more. Although he really was looking for food he wanted, he used this opportunity to slowly get closer to her. He pretended to be interested in some frozen broccoli and he snuck a look at her. To his surprise, and enjoyment, she had done the same. When they made eye contact, she jerked and looked away. A couple moments after that, she grabbed her food and walked away into another aisle.

Sukuna chuckled to himself. She wouldn’t get away that easily. He dropped the broccoli in his cart and followed after her. He hadn’t seen which aisle she’d gone into, so he kept walking down and looking into each one until he found her trying to get some chips from a high shelf. He smiled upon seeing her struggle. Maybe this would be easier than he thought.

He managed to walk right up behind her and reach for the chips she was trying to get before she got startled. She gasped a bit and looked up at him. He looked down at her. Fuck, she was pretty. His heart started to pound, he could practically salivate at the idea of taking her home.

He hands her the chips before she can say anything, then walks away. Before he’s out of her sight he hears her say, “Thank you so much.”

Her cadence, the velvety softness of her voice; it made him want to drop to his knees. How sweet would she sound if he bit into her neck? How soft is her yelp when she stubs her toe? How shrill is her scream when she’s in pain?

Her appreciation made him stop in his tracks. He turned over his shoulder to look at her. She seemed nervous and her eyes were uncertain. Sukuna began to feel restless. So many ideas of what he could do to her if he got her alone were rushing through his mind and she was none the wiser. This aisle has been empty and no one has come by. He could take her right now.

Instead, he looks her up and down. “Yeah, sure.” And then he walks away with his shopping. He leaves wondering when next they’ll meet, she does the same as she watches his back.

-

“Still haven’t called the maintenance guy, huh? Lazy jackass.”

Sukuna turns his head to the side and glares at his unwanted guest. Toji may have been his best friend, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t want to break his fat neck and bury him in the park. Besides, that title meant jack shit. They met in jail and Toji helped him get on his feet when Sukuna’s sentence was up. Toji never really left him alone and Sukuna stayed because his family was rich. If anything, they were close acquaintances who had sex sometimes.

Speaking of Toji’s money, the asshole grew up in an affluent family which means his standards were a bit too high for the humble abode that Sukuna prefers. It was probably the most annoying part about him. He was complaining about the door to the bathroom. It didn’t close correctly so you had to force it shut. Something that just isn’t enough of a problem to be bothered to try and fix.

“Stop coming over if it annoys you so much,” Sukuna responds, taking another drag from their second blunt for the morning. He was finally starting to feel something from it and he didn’t want to hear Toji whining about bullshit.

“Nah, I think I’ll keep coming. Especially with your fine ass neighbor.” Toji walked away again, not seeing Sukuna’s head jerk towards him. What was he talking about? Sukuna didn’t tell him about her. Did he see her?

“Why the fuck are you in my room?” He gets up to follow behind him. Sukuna looks down the hallway and sees both his room and the bathroom doors wide open. The bathroom was empty. “Get out.”

He starts walking towards his room door but jumps back when Toji rushes out of it. “Come look at this,” he says, grabbing his arm.

Toji had this crazed grin on his face and he was tugging him along impatiently. “What the hell are you-” Sukuna’s words die in his throat as he gazes upon what had Toji so excited. It was his beautiful neighbor changing in front of her mirror again except, there was a big problem. She had never been completely naked before.

Holy shit, her body could stop a truck. Sukuna let his jaw drop. His eyes raked her from her breasts to her legs. She would turn around occasionally, walk back and forth in front of the window, oh he loved the way her tits bounced. He wanted her on top of him, his dick sliding in and out of her while he latched onto her nipple.

“She’s sexy as fuck, huh?” Sukuna’s unceremoniously snapped out of his trance by Toji’s comment. He turns his head towards him looking at his smile and twinkling eyes. “She do this all the time? Does she even know?” Toji gasps and looks him in the eye. “Does she do it on purpose?”

I’m that moment, a switch had flipped inside of Sukuna. Toji was watching her before he brought him in here. He saw her naked first. He shouldn’t have seen her at all. The warm swarm of butterflies in his abdomen had fluttered away, a feeling of rage building in his heart instead. She was Sukuna’s to look at, not Toji’s.

To answer his question, Sukuna shrugs. Then, they both turn towards her again only to make eye contact with her. They see her gasp, cover herself and shriek before running from the window. “Fuck,” they say in unison before shutting the curtain.

“I blame you for that,” Toji says despite both of them being at fault. He puts his hands in his pockets and walks out of the room. “Where’s the blunt?”

Toji may have forgotten about that little encounter, but Sukuna doesn’t think he can forget anytime soon. He hates that Toji got to see her like that. They still haven’t spoken more than once to each other, and now she knows he’s a pervert that stares at her through their windows. Sukuna scowls at the ground then slams his hand into the wall. She’ll leave soon just like the last one did, but this time, he doesn’t want to accept that as a possibility.

He gives himself time to calm down before joining Toji again. He can’t bring work home again.

-

It was over.

He saw her once after that incident. Waiting for Toji to pick him up for the night, he stood outside the local gas station smoking a cigarette. She’d been on his mind since. She invested in curtains, unfortunately. She was really uncomfortable. He’s not even sure if she’s left the apartment.

Thinking about what happened made him furious. If Toji hadn’t gone into his room he would have never seen her. Oh he just can’t shut the hell up about the shape of her ass and how he would let her suffocate him with her gorgeous thighs. Sukuna sighed, her thighs were gorgeous weren’t they?

She was a missed opportunity. There are so many ways he could have started something with her. It’s not like she didn’t like him, had they met again before that, he’s sure he could have gotten her number. Usually, missing out on a woman wasn’t that bothersome, but she was different for him. He looked forward to beating his dick under the windowsill while she tried on clothes. His imagination wasn’t bad, but by the time he came in his hands, his dick was red and sore and his arm was tired.

His memory is not enough. He wants her.

He looks at the time on his watch. A quarter ‘til midnight. He rolls his eyes. Toji’s always late. A quick snack is in order.

Sukuna mindlessly stares at the powdered donuts wondering if he really feels like fucking up his clothes and having dirty fingers. He hates club bathrooms, the one here is just as bad, and he doesn’t want to lick his fingers. Maybe he won’t. But right before he decides to leave, the door opens. He turns his head upon hearing the small ring of a bell, but doesn’t pay attention to the culprit until they’re in the same aisle. “Oh shit,” he said before he could stop himself.

He tries to look away before she notices, but it’s too late. He looks back at her and grimaces. The girl is shaken to her core. Poor thing is afraid. And while Sukuna feels a bit bad about making such a cutie so frightened, it kind of…warms his heart. She takes in a deep breath and twists back around. She doesn’t even buy anything. She just leaves.

He almost chases her. He stands in the aisle still reveling in her presence. He breathes deeply thinking about how nice it felt to have such power over someone. Hm.

Sukuna leaves the store only a few moments after her. Toji’s BMW was running next to a pump as he got out of the car. “Oh shit, there you are.” He grins. “Guess who I just saw.”

“I know. She was running from me.” Sukuna says, getting into the passenger seat.

Toji cackles while driving away. “Damn, so she’s scared of us, huh?” Sukuna shrugs. “She looked like it. Girl was huffing it. Actually…she ran down the street towards where we’re going.”

Sukuna raises a brow at him. Toji doesn’t say anything and just keeps smiling. “So?”

He turns on his beamers and slows down as he drives between the apartment buildings. Sukuna’s eyes widen as he realizes just what Toji’s trying to do. And soon his lips follow. Just up ahead was a figure with a hoodie walking very quickly. They turn around and immediately shield their eyes from the bright lights. It was her.

She seemed confused at first, and the bright light contrasted with the darkness of the night blinded her from seeing who was in the car. However, she didn’t stop walking or slow down. She decided to mind her business instead. It could be anyone. Anyone. Even though it was the same car waiting at the gas station.

Despite her telling herself that she’s okay, she couldn’t help but notice how they were matching her speed. And that once they had gotten right behind her, the window was rolled down. And that she still had a block left to go.

“Ay,” Sukuna shouted from behind her, effectively terrifying her. She turned to see his smile and upon further investigation, she saw Toji’s from the driver’s seat. Oh no. “You can’t say hi? You scared of me?” He taunts.

She ran.

-

And that was the worst thing she could have done.

There have been a few recent instances that made her question her move to this city. She was hoping to start a new life, away from her family, away from her ex, make some new friends; she didn’t think she would be planning to move out after a couple months.

That man…she didn’t know what the hell his problem was. Why did he and his friend follow her out of the gas station? Was he crazy? Did she do something to him? Since they followed her, she’s been racking her mind trying to figure out what the hell she did to deserve this. Before that, she had only ever spoken to him once at the grocery store. He was extremely intimidating, but she was intrigued by him. She didn’t mean to stare, but he was very attractive. Clearly he had seen it as some sort of invitation. Maybe he followed her into that aisle and it wasn’t just an act of kindness.

Coming home after work had become so much more nerve wracking. In fact, coming out of her unit brings her horrible anxiety. She’s constantly looking over her shoulder. Tries to pretend the building across doesn’t even exist. She doesn’t understand what took her so long to get curtains; it just wasn’t a priority for her. Either way, she didn’t deserve to be punished for her forgetfulness.

She’s in a weird position where the longer she goes without seeing him, the more worried she becomes even though she never wants to see him or his friend again. Currently, she was in the elevator heading up to her apartment. She was catching her breath and trying to relax now that she was safe. She does this everyday now.

She couldn’t wait to be home. The entire day she’s been feeling like complete crap. Her heart refused to leave her stomach. She dropped so many cups behind the bar that she spent more time sweeping and wiping up drinks than making them. And she was on the verge of tears the entire time. It was nice to be home, but she wondered how bad it would be tomorrow.

In fact, it was so bad today that although she was physically relaxed, her brain just wouldn’t be quiet. It kept telling her to stay alert, that there was still something waiting for her. She tried her best to ignore it and enjoy her night. She was going to kick off her shoes, rip off all her clothes, warm up her leftovers and hit her bong. She was off tomorrow and she is not planning on leaving her room at all.

She messed with her keys when she approached her door. All the apartments had two locks, a deadlock and a lock on the handle, but she was looking for another that she could attach herself. The home goods store near her didn’t have any promising ones, so she had to wait on a shipment.

She reached for the handle to unlock it. Her hand twisted the lever and she retracted it immediately. Her heart starts racing once more, but then she realizes the door was still closed. When she can’t get the door open, she sighs in relief. The deadlock was still intact and locked. The apartments are just shitty.

As relieved as she was in that moment, this just meant she had another problem to deal with. She couldn’t go with one of her locks not working, especially not the handle. In fact, maybe she’ll deal with it tonight. She does have tools and she can be pretty handy when she needs to be.

Like she wanted to, she kicks off her shoes and rips off her jacket. She almost takes off her clothes before she notices a certain smell in the air. Her apartment smelled of weed, but it smelled like someone was actively smoking right at that moment. Maybe it was her next door neighbor.

She walks through her silent home. Maybe she should get a cat. There are quite a few friendly strays around. She could afford-

What was that noise?

A bump. In her bedroom.

What could it have been? Had her worst fears come true?

No. It’s not possible…so why had that sinking feeling returned in full force? There was nothing in her room. There was no one in her room…

-

Toji had broken the lock for him. 'Just record it for me,' was his end of the bargain.

The place was just as cute as he thought it was. She still had a lot of things unpacked, and she hadn’t gotten a couch for the living room. Hm. He wonders if she really is planning on leaving. That would not be good.

He would want her to stay, but if she can get away from him, at least he’ll get a taste of her.

She leaves her weed out. Hm…he would enjoy this better if he were high. And he’ll make her smoke too. 

When he heard her coming closer to her room, he put the bong down and stood up. Her room was small and it was pitch black, the only light coming from the embers in the bowl. He hit her closet door and she heard it. Fuck. He hopes she doesn’t get a weapon out.

And she didn’t. This girl is…something else.

He hides right behind the door in between the wall and the hinges. Then, he waited quietly and patiently until she slowly opened the door and turned on the light. And before she could try to look around, he slammed the door shut behind her.

-

It all happened in a second.

She heard the door slam and time froze. She told herself then and there, that she was going to die tonight. She knew who her killer would be before she turned around. Did she even want to?

She didn’t have a choice, her body reacted before she could think. All she saw was a small scowl, he had brown eyes, but they looked tainted with blood. His hands, his large hands, shot towards her head and before she could scream he trapped her mouth shut. His other hand gripped the back of her head.

She fought him as violently as she could. She scratched his face, pulled his hair, tried to poke him in the eyes; but he was quick to show her that he was much stronger than her. He pulls his hand off of her mouth and smacks her across the face. She can only scream for a second before his hand is back on her mouth and he pushes her into the bed.

Sukuna takes his hand off of the back of her head and squeezes her neck. He still holds her mouth shut. She gets weaker and weaker as the oxygen leaves her brain. He leans down towards her face to speak to her. “You want to live?”

Tears had long been streaming down her face, but this is the point where she finally breaks down wailing. She lets her arms fall and Sukuna loosens his grip on her neck. But only slightly. She takes a deep breath and cries into his hand. “Answer me,” he says. “Come on, pretty girl.”

She cries a bit more before nodding her head in defeat. “I know. You’re gonna do what I say?”

She nods again. “You’re not gonna scream when I take my hand off?” She sniffles and sobs again. “Because you want to fucking live, right? Right?” He tightens his grip on her neck again. She kicks her feet and nods as best as she can. “Go turn off your light and turn on your lamp. You’re gonna smoke with me.”

He gets off her and watches her to make sure she does what he asks. It takes her a minute, she lays there quietly sobbing and wiping her tears while Sukuna takes another hit of her bong, but eventually she gets up to turn on her lamp, then flip her light switch. “Lock the door too. I like the feeling of extra privacy when I’m taking a woman to bed.”

-

He disgusts her.

He forces her to take several long hits that had her in horrible coughing fits. And of course, it wasn’t long before she was completely inebriated. She couldn’t really move too much, or think too much. But even though she was out of commission, she could hear every word Sukuna said to her.

He talked her ear off about how he’d been looking at her for a week before they met at the grocery store. All the way up until she realized just how exposed she was from catching him and his friend staring. It was her fault, is what he said. He said she was stupid to not think anyone could see her. She should have gotten blinds or curtains when she moved in. A fucking dumbass bitch.

That’s how she felt.

He taunted her as he watched her take her clothes off. His dick was already in his hand, he had been hard for a while. Imagining his dick finally pounding into her as he squeezes the life out of her.

‘I think you wanted someone to watch you,’ he said to her. She hung onto every word he said, answered every question he had. ‘You’re an attention seeking slut, aren’t you? Nod your head.’ And she did. ‘What’s your name?’ And she told him. ‘Take that shit off faster and come hit this again.’

She was completely out of it, but instead of floating, she sank. She sunk deeper into the bedsheets, Sukuna weighing her down with every word. Every stroke of his hand on her thigh, every lick on her neck and collarbone, every bite on her chest. When he reached down between her legs and stroked her clit, she moaned, then cried in shame.

“Shhhh,” he whispered in her ear from behind her. “You’re gonna love me. And if you’re good I won’t hurt you.” He kisses her ear, then nibbles on it. He leaves a trail of wet kisses down the side of her neck. She cries and shakes, twisting her head away from him as best as she could. Sukuna’s hands explore her body eagerly. He can’t decide whether he wants to grip her hips or play with her nipples. She was so soft, just as he imagined.

He flips her onto her back. “Look at me, baby.” She opens her eyes only slightly, her tears blurring her vision completely before falling. He takes his hand to cup her cheek and wipe them with his thumb. As she gazed upon his naked body on top of hers, she accepts her fate: this man was going to rape then kill her.

He looked deranged. His brows were knit together with a lopsided grin. Her body is racked with sobs once more. “It’s okay,” he tells her. “Shhhh.” He slowly brings his thumb wet with salty tears to her mouth. She tries to pull her head away, but he quickly attaches his hands back to her mouth and head then he leans down towards her. “I thought you said you wanted to live.”

She’s actually not sure at this point. Does she want to live with this trauma? Does she want to continue being this man’s neighbor for him to torture however he sees fit? Does she want to have to look at his building every single day living in fear that he’ll do it again? Living in fear of his friend getting any bright ideas?

“Just relax.” He lets go of her head and goes for her neck. She moans as he bites and sucks on it, making sure to leave a mark reminding her of what he did. It won’t be the only one.

Sukuna slowly takes his hands and lifts both of her legs in the air. He licks his fingers while looking at her, then bites his lip as he plays with her clit once more. She breathes harder and harder with every rub. They don’t break eye contact, it does something to him. He’s reveling in her fear. Her eyes were shot, her mascara and eyeliner running down her face. It made her look even more beautiful. She was making him feral.

Sukuna’s dick was an angry scarlet and dripped precum all over her leg where it rested. He was big and it scared her even more. As his eyes explored her body, he got hungrier and hungrier. He slides a finger inside of her and starts pumping. Her pussy was slick with her arousal.

“Fuck,” he whispered putting in another finger. He pumped his fingers hard enough to make her wetness splash. She threw her head back and arched her chest into the air. She sounded just as sweet as he thought she would. She was turning out to be everything he wanted and more. He wasn’t waiting any longer.

He yanked his fingers out of her and searched her bedside table for his camcorder. She whined when he removed himself from her and watched him. Sukuna pressed record.

“Say hi to Toji,” he told her, sticking the lens in her face. She closes her eyes and tries to avoid the camera. He grips her chin with his fingers and forces her head forward. “Ain’t she pretty?” Sukuna pulls away from her face to record her body. He takes her tit in his hand to play with. He jiggles and pulls on her nipple before smacking it. When she squealed he did it again.

“He’s gonna love watching me fuck the shit out of you.” Sukuna sat and balanced the recorder on her nightstand perfectly angled to show their torsos and hips. He gets back on the bed to grab her waist and pull her towards his. He groaned when he felt his dick rub against her pussy. “You know who I’m talking about, right? My friend? You know he saw you before I did.”

He pauses to spit into his hand and starts jerking his throbbing shaft. “I wanted to kill that fucker.” Sukuna leans over once more and kisses her several times before capturing her lips in one long and forceful kiss. He rubs his dick against her entrance as he does this, with a desperate moan from both of them to accompany it. Sukuna rests his forehead against hers. “Tell me you’re mine.” His eyes are fiery, and she doesn’t wish to find out what will happen if she fails to do what he asks.

His tip begins to poke through her entrance. She whimpers and he brings his head down and bites her lip. “Come on…”

“I’m yours-” He finally starts tucking his dick into her. The feeling of being inside her was heaven on Earth. He wasn’t ashamed of how loudly he moaned. She was louder anyway. They always are. Even when they don’t want it.

“My name is Sukuna.” She takes all of him like a fucking champ. And looks good as fuck while doing it. And her voice…

“I’m yours, Sukuna.”

A tear ran down her cheek. The dragging of his dick against her walls was nothing like she’s ever felt before. It felt so good, but she was the unhappiest she’d ever been. She’s terrified and unsure if she’ll live to see tomorrow. He says he won’t kill her if she’s good, but what does good even mean to him?

She knows there’s nothing she really could have done to avoid what was currently happening to her. This man- no, Sukuna, saw her when she was first moved in and decided then and there that he wanted to rape her. No matter what he claims about her being rude and ignoring him when he helped her. And yet, she blames herself.

If she had just gotten curtains or blinds early enough, then maybe she could have avoided him. Or maybe she wouldn’t have existed to him at all. At least he wouldn’t have known what floor she was on or her room. Maybe he wouldn’t have known what building she was in.

She was so fucking stupid.

-

He repeated that all night.

‘Stupid fucking bitch,’ he would mutter under his breath. ‘Changing in front of a window, thinking no one’s gonna see you? Posing in mirrors and shit?’ He fucked her at a smooth and steady rythym, she was soaking wet and splashing all over his stubble. The sheets were damp underneath. ‘Oh yeah. You like it when I talk to you like that?’ She couldn’t stop herself from crying in humiliation.

He asked her to cry louder for ‘Toji’, which she did, and he proceeded to smack her across the face for being too loud.

He felt amazing, he pushed her legs into her chest and hammered into her. She cried into his mouth as she came all over him. Her pussy squeezing his member drive him insane and before he knew it he was cumming inside her. ‘Fuck…’ He pulled out and jerked the rest of his cum onto her pussy and thighs. He quickly grabbed the camera to show Toji, with the flash on.

‘Look at that shit,’ Sukuna made sure to examine her at every angle. He pushed his finger into her and chuckled when she moaned. His index was covered with his cum and he brought it and the camera up to her body and face.

She was completely tired out. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak, she could barely even lift her eyelids. Sukuna kissed at her like a dog, then maneuvered the camera to her face. Her face was soaked with tears and spit. Her makeup had smudged everywhere and ran down her cheeks. Her hair was a mess, and she ached everywhere.

Her mouth hung open and Sukuna proceeded to jam his finger into it. He used it to pull her head back over to him and made out with her. Then, his dick started poking her ass.

She had no idea what time last night they were finally done, talk less of when she actually fell asleep. He smoked a blunt after the whole thing, sat her up so he could make her smoke too. He found her liquor cabinet. The night got worse.

She puked her guts out then fell asleep on the floor, but now she was in her bed trapped underneath him. They were both naked. She was sore as the day was long. He snores next to her. Holy fucking hell. She’s alive. Why is she alive?

She starts breathing heavily and looking around her room. She doesn’t know what to do. She didn’t think she would still be here.

In a flash, he’s up. His hand is over her mouth, and his eyes are staring into hers. He has a poker face. She shakes in his clutches and her eyes fill with tears already. “Relax. Listen to me. I know what you’re planning.”

What? What is he- “I dare you to fucking try and move away from me. I will follow you and ruin your life.”

“You said you were mine last night? Then you’re mine. You’ll do what I say, and I’ll do as I please with you. Do you understand?”

All she could do was nod. What could she say? She was planning on moving despite not having the money for it. She would have to save up. And now that he’s shown her what he’s capable of, why would she take the risk? 

Why is this happening to her? What did she do to deserve this? Want a better life for herself?

-

Sukuna was pleased with how the morning was going.

She was sitting on a stool in her dining room watching him make them breakfast with an ice pack on her face and a blanket over her body. She didn’t know what to think.

Suddenly, he perks up and turns towards her. “You got a phone, pretty?” 

She could throw up again. She swallows and points towards the hall . “My room,” her voice was hoarse and weak. “On the other side of the bed.”

He pauses and blinks at her. She gets scared again wondering what she did wrong this time. He turns the heat off. “You’re coming with me.”

Toji answers in a flash. “So, how was it?”

“You’re gonna like what you see.” He turns towards where she’s sitting on the bed. “Isn’t that right?” She’s not amused.

“Are you…are you with the bitch right now?” Toji asks.

“Yeah,” Sukuna makes his voice dreamy. “We’re going steady.”

ending a/n: Please lmk what you think ! Thank you for reading !

Masterlist

W E L C O M E P A G E

[little-diable]

Pleasure - Prof!Tom Riddle (smut)

Just a small Drabble about our fave fucked up, dark professor. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated! Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: Professor Riddle threatens to fail the reader, something she won’t accept. Just pwp

Warnings: 18+, smut, piv, choking, degrading, orgasm denial, Tom being Tom, power imbalance

Pairing: Prof!Tom Riddle x fem!student!reader (1.2k words)

“You threaten to fail me? Are you out of your mind?” Her voice boomed through the class room, eyes set on the professor whose assistant she had been for the past months now. His piercing eyes didn’t meet hers, he kept his gaze set on the papers, correcting the homework she had collected minutes ago. All before he had dropped this bomb on her, telling (y/n) that she was about to fail his class. “Look at me!”

“Careful, (y/n).” His eyes snapped up to meet hers, voice sharper than a knife. He leaned back in the chair, arms crossed in front of his chest while staring at her like a snake about to snap at its prey. He had always been a dangerous man, a man whose aura was a warning itself, set on pulling her into his dark trap. But today he had something else to him, something even more ruthless.

“Tell me why!” She was fuming, set on letting go of a piercing scream. This must be a joke, a prank he was pulling on her - her grades were better than most, she was always on time, and when she was working for him, she did everything he asked of her.

“I don’t owe you any explanations. And your behaviour proves to me that you’re not mature enough to work on it. Leave.” (Y/n) didn’t move, she kept staring at Professor Riddle who slowly rose to his feet. A part of her screamed at her to leave, to run before it was too late, but the more stubborn part forced her to stand still and watch his every move. “Is this how you want to play? This is my last warning, (y/n).”

Her body was trembling in anger and need, all while her mind brought back flashes of a similar moment that had happened weeks ago. Back then she had left this room with trembling thighs and his handprint burned into her behind. The following hours had been spent hidden away in her room while pushing herself over the edge numerous times with his name burning on the tip of her tongue.

“I am not scared of you.” She cocked her head, chin pointed in his direction while she looked up at him. It was a foolish game she was playing - a game she was about to lose, but she didn’t care, couldn’t worry about any wins or losses, knowing that whatever would happen between them would count as a win in her book.

“You should be.” His ringed hand found her throat, tugging (y/n) in for a teeth clashing kiss. She moaned into the touch, unable to stop her hands from wandering, from finding the back of his neck to keep him close. (Y/n) felt her surroundings spin, throwing her into another dimension while the professor moved her backwards to heave his TA onto his table. With her legs wrapped around his waist, (y/n) kept him close, not daring to think of parting just yet. “You try to distract me with those pretty little things you wear, you try to make a fool out of me, but you’ll never have this much power over me. You’re mine, (y/n), I’m the one guiding you.”

She could only moan in delight, feeling his hand disappear beneath her skirt to press his fingertips against her clothed heat. Slowly, he began to circle her bundle through the fabric of her panties, feeling them grow damp beneath his touch. A soft chuckle let him, buzzing through both their bodies while his lips moved down her throat, sucking on the spots that drew moans from her.

“You’ve been asking for it for months, so now you’ll take my cock like the desperate slut you are. But I won’t let you cum, not this afternoon.” His words drew a protesting moan from (y/n), eyes wide while she stared at him. No words managed to pass her parted lips, unsure how to speak up as the sounds reaching her distracted (y/n).

Within seconds he had freed his cock, pushing a condom down his length before her panties were tugged aside. Her fingernails left crescent marks on the spot where his shoulder met his neck as he pushed into her, forcing her tight walls to adjust to him. A part of her wanted to beg him to slow down, to give her some moments to relax before taking all of him, but that part didn’t get a chance to speak up, silenced by her loud moans.

Professor Riddle fucked her ruthlessly, he was using her body, set on chasing his own high while sticking to his promise. Tonight he wouldn’t let her cum, at least not for a few hours before finding his way to her.

Tears streamed down her cheeks, dripping from her chin onto the back of his hand which was still holding her throat. She was torn between focusing on the way he perfectly stretched her, about to push her over the edge, and the way he held onto her all too possessively, leaving her heart jumping in excitement.

“This is why I need to keep you around, love.” The nickname had a condescending touch to it, leaving her gasping while she tried to focus on his words. “You’re all for me to use, all for my own pleasure.”

(Y/n) nodded her head while another gasp left her, head wanting to roll back - though without any luck as he kept holding onto her. She felt his cock tearing her apart with every thrust, drunk on the feeling of him fucking her this posessively. With moans ripping their way through her, she clawed at his skin, giving into the subconscious need to mark him up to have the same claim on him.

“What would you ever do without me, huh? You’re so needy, such a pathetic little girl.” She was close to letting go, high on the low tones of his raspy voice, on the way he spoke to her with spite and adoration dripping from his tongue. With one hand still clinging to him, she let the other find her pulsing bundle, circling it a few times to give herself the needed push. Something he instantly stopped her from doing after a second or two.

“I told you I won’t let you cum for now. I don’t make empty threats, love.” More tears fell from her eyes as she stared up at Professor Riddle. Her walls clenched his cock, hoping to pull him into her trap - something he didn’t seem to care for as he pulled out of her to cum on her thighs.

“You’ll wait for me tonight, and perhaps if you’re good, I’ll let you cum.”

[daisynik7]

Give You Blue

Chapter 4: Alone Together

Pairing: Eren x f!reader, Reiner x f!reader (past relationship)

Rating: Explicit (for mature content)

cw: switching POVs (reader is in 2nd person, Eren is in 3rd), angst, language, a bit of fluff

Word Count: ~5.7k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Give You Blue Masterlist | ao3 | Give You Blue Taglist

Summary: You and Annie attend a dinner at the Mu Phi sorority house on campus. Reiner, on his way out of Delta Delta, ambushes you on the walk back to your dorm for a less than pleasant conversation. Later that week, RA Eren hosts a game-night for his fellow residents. But, with it being on a Friday right after midterms, he's disappointed when it flops. Fortunately, someone comes to his rescue. Author’s Notes: Hope you enjoy this one! Likes, comments, and/or reblogs are ALWAYS appreciated. Please let me know what you think, I thrive off of reading your comments! If you want to be tagged in any future chapters, please let me know! Divider created by @/mikeykuns.

“Eren, are you paying attention?” 

Armin waves his hands in front of his friend’s face, snapping Eren out of whatever reverie he’s stuck in. He shakes his head slightly, grinning. “Sorry, Armin. Sort of zoned out for a minute there.” They sit next to each other on Eren’s bed, watching a movie on his laptop. It’s Saturday night, and Eren actually agreed to be social today. 

Armin taps on the space bar, pausing the film. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Are you sure you’re getting enough sleep?”

The real answer is no, but with Armin, he’ll only worry if he knows the truth. “Plenty. All eight hours,” Eren lies. In reality, he’s getting four hours tops. He stays up late studying, then spends the rest of the night tossing and turning in bed, anxious about the future. 

Oblivious, Armin responds happily. “Good! Living by yourself is already paying off. Sometimes I wish I could have my own space. The frat house can get pretty noisy, especially with Connie as a roommate.” He chuckles, reaching towards the bag of chips between them.

“Connie’s a blast to be around, though. I’m sure you’re having fun.”

“Yeah, I am. You should really come by the house.”

“Maybe. When I have time.” In all honestly, he has no intention of stepping foot in that frat house. Not because he has a disdain for Greek life; but because it’ll only show him what he’s missing out on. He already feels that way whenever he catches up with Mikasa and Armin, both thoroughly enjoying their college experience still. 

Mikasa returns from the bathroom, hopping on the bed to squeeze next to Eren. “What did I miss?”

“We ended up pausing the movie anyways, so not much.” Armin passes the snacks to Mikasa, who throws a handful into her mouth. 

They continue the movie, Eren’s mind drifting into space again. He’s already thinking about the upcoming chemistry midterm next week, how he hasn’t fully memorized the amino acids and their structures yet. And how he has to schedule a date to meet with Hange Zoë, a senior doing research in the lab, to see if he can shadow her for a month. On top of that, he’s planning on hosting a small event at the dorms, something to help his residents let off some steam after exams. It’s all too much. He wants to sleep and pretend that none of these obligations exist. 

The credits roll on his computer screen. He blinks, fully unaware of what transpired during the movie. His friends hang around for a few more minutes before leaving to head to a party somewhere else on campus. Once again, he’s alone. 

He is not motivated to study tonight, already burnt out from the last couple of days. Instead, he practices his electric guitar, working on a particular riff of this song he likes, replaying it over and over through his headphones. He loses himself in the music for a while, the closest thing to an escape that he can reproduce inside his own bedroom. Fingers sore from picking and strumming, he decides to call it a night. Face washed and teeth brushed, he snuggles under the covers, glancing at his phone. 11:00 PM. Wild night, he thinks to himself, laughing. 

Suddenly, his brother’s name flashes across the screen. “Zeke?”

“Eren, hey. You’re not sleeping already, are you?”

“Nah. But I’m in bed.”

“On a Saturday night?”

“Yep.”

Zeke chuckles heartily. “Oh boy. I can already hear it in your voice. Welcome to the club, little brother. Your descent into med school hell is starting.”

“Yay, can’t wait,” Eren responds sarcastically. “Anyways, what’s up?”

“I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. Clearly not well.”

“I’ve been better.” He keeps his answer vague on purpose. With Zeke, he doesn’t go into too much detail with the emotions he’s experiencing. As much as he respects his older brother, the two of them don’t always see eye-to-eye. While Eren usually acts out of emotion, sometimes to a fault, Zeke is detached, unable to empathize with what his younger brother is struggling with.  

“Is dad still giving you a hard time? I heard he wasn’t happy with your last quiz grade.” 

Eren ignores the urge to ask how he knows about that, already aware that they talk about him behind his back. “I told him it was weighted, so technically I passed.” 

“Well, you know how the old man is. Technicalities don’t really matter to him.”

He rolls his eyes, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom, almost regretting picking up this call. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying you should study harder.”

He’s fighting to keep his cool, his body tense with anger. Before he loses it, he mutters through gritted teeth, “Okay, thanks. I actually gotta go now, bye.”

“Eren, I’m just trying to help – ”

He doesn’t wait for Zeke to finish his sentence, already tapping on the red button to end the call. Now, with his mood ruined, he’s not sure if he can fall asleep. He wishes it was still daylight, specifically the golden hour when the sun sets. It would be the perfect time to head to his favorite spot: the beach that overlooks the shimmering expanse of blue ocean water separating Paradis and Marley. He discovered this area recently, on one of his drives that he takes to temporarily escape. It brings him peace, even if the moment is fleeting. 

Instead, he scrolls through his contacts, tapping on his mom’s name, holding the phone back up to his ear. When her familiar voice greets him on the other line, the tears start flowing and he spends the next half hour confiding in her. 

~~~

You and Reiner cuddle in bed, his nose nuzzled to the back of your neck, spooning you. Bertolt is home for the weekend, leaving the room to yourselves. 

“Coco, are you still awake?”

You hum, snuggling closer to him, on the verge of sleep. He swallows hard behind you, as if he’s nervous. “I think I want to live in the fraternity house next semester.”

This gets your attention. Surprised, you turn around to face him. “What?”

“It’ll help me bond with my brothers better.”

“But we were supposed to live together.” The two of your agreed quite early in the semester that you would live together in one of the on-campus apartments. This news comes to you as a shock, since he’s never mentioned wanting to live on Greek Row, until now. 

“I just want to try it out for a year, baby. When we’re juniors, we can find our own place off campus, so we can do whatever we want.” He pulls you closer, kissing your forehead. “Everything is going to work out, okay? You can wait a year, right?”

Of course you can wait; that’s what he asks you of, so you’ll do it. But you don’t want to. You had all these exciting ideas laid out in your head: cooking meals together, relaxing on the couch in each other’s arms, being alone without worrying about parents or roommates barging in on the two of you. Being together all the time. 

“Coco, say something.”

It’s easy to get upset. Make a fuss and yell at him for being selfish. Simultaneously, you feel guilty for thinking this way, like you’re the bad girlfriend for disagreeing with it. For wanting him all to yourself.

“Okay,” you finally respond. “I’ll ask Annie if she wants to live together again, I guess.” It’s a compromise for the sake of making him happy. Because more than anything, you want him to be happy. 

He smiles, kissing you on the lips. “You’re the best, you know that? I don’t know what I would do without you.”

You wake up, back in your own bed, Annie’s soft snores filling the quiet of the room. A quick glance at your phone shows you it’s only 4 AM in the morning. It’s been a few days since you dreamt about Reiner, a new record since the break-up. Still, whenever you do, it hurts as much as it did the first night. 

He never warned you about wanting to move into the fraternity house. It came out of nowhere, a total and complete blindside, much like when he broke up with you. He’s been this way for a while, making rash decisions and springing it on you without a mention of it beforehand. You always end up going along with it, forcing yourself to accept it without disagreement. You never could stand up for yourself, thinking it was less hassle to bend for him than to argue about it. When you’re with someone for so long, the easy road seems the obvious choice, compared to one that has bumps and cracks along the way. But just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s better; it doesn’t always lead you to the right destination. And maybe that’s why you are where you are now: lost. 

It’s been almost two weeks since you saw him on that rainy day. Two weeks since he sent you that text message, which remains unanswered. There’s been moments where you stared at the screen, fingers ghosting the keyboard, wanting to send him a reply. Somehow, you’ve resisted those temptations. In the end, it’ll only lead to more heartache. The memories haven’t kept you up at night as much as it did before. Thankfully, your sleep schedule is back to normal, except for nights like this. You’re doing better each day. Annie’s two words to you are on constant loop in your head: Baby steps. Any progress, no matter how little or big, is still progress. As long as you don’t go backwards into a downward spiral.

Later in the week, Annie extends an invitation to eat dinner at one of the sorority houses on campus, Mu Phi. Hitch, a close friend, is a sister who currently lives there. As you approach Greek Row with your roommate, you look at the Delta Delta house right next door, wondering if Reiner is there, working as their hasher tonight. Possibly flirting with Christa or other sisters that surely find him attractive. You let the insecurities fade as soon as you knock on the door to Mu Phi, soon greeted by Hitch and two other friendly sisters. They lead you into the dining room, chatting about various topics, subtlety sneaking in how great sorority life is, asking if you’ve ever been interested. After all, they are constantly in recruitment mode, which doesn’t bother you. It feels nice to be desired. 

During the meal, the conversations continue. Annie, being the secret gossip she is, mentions the neighbors. You briefly described to her your run-in with Reiner and Christa, so naturally, she’s been curious since. “What’s it like living next to them?”

Hitch replies, “It’s fine. Did you know that Mikasa’s a Delta Delta?”

“Really? She rushed? I guess they can’t be all bad,” Annie muses.

Hitch eyes her with an amused smirk on her face. “Why would you say that? Who’s in there that you don’t like?”

Before Annie can respond, you interrupt, not wanting to spread any unwarranted gossip. “She’s joking. By the way, who’s Mikasa?”

“She’s this girl that attends Annie’s kickboxing class.”

Annie adds, “She’s also our RA’s sister.”

“Eren?”

She nods, confirming. His appearance around the dorms has lessened, possibly because of the upcoming midterms. He is a pre-med major after all, so you’re certain he’s too busy studying to be out and about. You wished you could have seen his face when he received the bag full of Pocky you bought for him, as thanks for sharing his umbrella on that rainy day. “I didn’t know he has a sister.”

“She’s adopted, from what I heard,” Hitch comments. “But they’re super close. Her, Eren, and Armin.”

At that third name, you glance at Annie, a slight blush creeping on her cheeks. She had a class with Armin last semester, and they were paired up for a big project. From then on, your roommate has been smitten with him, but she’ll never admit it out loud. You also recognize the name as one of Reiner’s pledge brothers from the same fraternity, though you’ve never met him personally. Knowing he’s close to Eren already gives you the impression that he’s a nice guy. 

The dinner ends with a tour of the house, not including the exclusive sleeping porch on the top floor, where all the sisters are forced to slumber beside each other. Right outside the entrance, you, Hitch, and Annie talk for a little while longer until your roommate announces, “My shift at the library is starting, so I have to leave now. Thanks for dinner Hitch!”

The three of you say your goodbyes, Hitch waving farewell from the door, you and Annie parting ways in opposite directions. It’s a clear sky tonight, the moon glowing brightly in the vast darkness, littered with barely visible stars. You take your time walking, enjoying the pleasantly cool air, admiring the other houses along Greek Row. From behind, a familiar voice calls out to you. “Coco.”

Before you face him, you curse under your breath, aware of exactly who it is. You find Reiner several feet away from you, presumably from the Delta Delta house. His fraternity is in the opposite direction, so he must have spotted you from afar, maybe heard you talking outside. You stand in place, waiting for him to catch up to you, ambushed. 

“Hey,” he says, with a sheepish grin.

You nod stiffly, unsure what to do next. It’s too late to make a run for it. Impossible to turn back the clock and sprint your way across campus. You should have known better, especially when you already assumed he’d be working there tonight. It doesn’t matter now; you’re trapped. 

“Are you heading back to your dorm?” he asks, hands in his pockets. 

You nod once more, voice stuck in your throat, unable to speak. 

“I’ll walk with you.” It’s not a question or a suggestion. It’s final. He’s determined to do it. 

Reluctant, you let him, pivoting on your heel towards the direction of your dorm, remaining silent. He stays beside you, hands in his pocket, glancing at you hesitantly. “What were you doing at Mu Phi?”

So he did notice you first. Eyes focused on the ground, you answer, “Hitch invited us for dinner.”

“Christa also invited you, remember? To the Delta Delta house.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” You don’t mean to sound venomous; well, maybe you do. Why bother bringing that up?

“I’m just reminding you. She’s really nice, you know.”

You snap, annoyed and frustrated. “Yes, Reiner, I’m sure she is very nice. That’s why I think she’d understand why I refuse to go to that house for dinner.”

“Because of me?” 

“Of course it’s because of you!”

He sighs, scratching his arm excessively. Something he does when he’s anxious. “I don’t understand why you’ve been ignoring me. I thought we agreed to be friends. You won’t even respond to my texts. How am I supposed to know that you’re okay?”

“Okay? You want to know if I’m okay? Reiner, I haven’t been okay since the day you broke up with me.” 

“That’s why I’m trying to talk to you.”

You scoff, blood boiling. “You’re the last person I want to talk to. You’re the reason I’m not okay. You broke my heart.” It’s a cheap shot to blame him, but that’s what you do. Fire everything in your arsenal to defend yourself, to hurt him.

His expression turns sullen at your harsh words. “I couldn’t be your boyfriend anymore. It’s fucked up, I know. But I did what I thought was right. I didn’t want to string you along.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way? Why didn’t you talk to me about it? We tell each other everything. Why keep this away from me?” 

He chews on his lip, nervous. “I was scared, okay? Really scared to lose you. I thought if I started talking about it, you’d break up with me and hate me forever. I wasn’t ready for that.”  

You process this, not sure how you truly feel about it. On the one hand, you understand the fear of losing the most important person in your life. That’s what you two are to each other. Well, were. On the other hand, it isn’t fair that he makes decisions when he’s ready. What about you?

You arrive outside your dorm building, standing feet away from each other, your arms crossed over your chest, protecting your heart. When you don’t respond, he continues. “I care about you, Coco. You’re my best friend. You’re the most important person in my life.”

 “You say that now, but eventually, somebody else will come along. Then what?”

Quietly, he replies, “I don’t know.”

You have to stand up for yourself. Hit him with the bitter truth even if it makes him uncomfortable. You’ve gone far too long agreeing to what he wants, following his plan, sacrificing your sanity to protect him. You don’t owe him anything. He decided to dump you when he was ready. That gives you free reign to do the same. “I don’t want to be a placeholder for whenever the next person comes along. Do you understand how painful that is? To know I’m temporary? I can’t be the most important person in your life. Not like this. That’s why we can’t be friends.” 

He stares at you, dumbfounded that you won’t concede to him. Disappointed that he can’t get what he wants this time, after so many years of doing so. This is what it’s like to have control, to stick up for yourself. Maybe there is some good to come out of this breakup. 

After a while, Reiner speaks, voice trembling, eyes glistening. “You can’t do this to me, Coco. I still…I still love – ”

“Don’t say it. Do not fucking say it.” You cover your ears, as if that will prevent your brain from finishing the rest of that sentence in your head. 

“I mean it, though. No matter what happens between us. I want you in my life.”

“Why is everything about what you want? Have you ever considered what I want?” You begin to pace back and forth on the pavement, arms jittery, increasingly erratic. 

A little louder now, a tinge of arrogance in his tone, he says, “We’ve known each other our whole lives. Pretty sure I have a good idea about what you want.”

“Well, you don’t. It’s different now. You don’t know me just as much as I don’t know you.”

“How can you say this right now? You’re just going to throw us away?!”

“You did it first!” you yell at him, tears streaming down your cheeks.

He steps towards you, hands in a desperate prayer, begging. “I don’t want to lose you. Please, Coco. I need you. I need you.” It’s the magic words that he so expertly chants to you. The ones that tug at your heartstrings, make you weak in the knees. And for a second, you consider taking everything back. Reach out and hold him, forget about the pain you’ve suffered these past two months and agree to be friends. Because you’d do anything to see him happy again. For this to be a long nightmare and to wake up together, perfectly back to normal.

But you don’t. And only because the entrance to your building suddenly swings open, revealing Eren at the door, inspecting the scene with a concerned expression on his face. “Is everything okay out here?”

Reiner glares at him for the interruption. “Who are you?”

Eren steps towards you, glancing at you and Reiner. “I’m Eren, the RA for this building. Heard some yelling and thought I should check it out.” 

“Reiner is leaving now,” you murmur, avoiding Eren’s gaze, embarrassed. “I’m sorry for the commotion.” You turn to head inside, not bothering to wave goodbye to your ex, who stands there, watching you. Eren follows, sneaking glances at Reiner before swiping his ID at the door to let you both in.

“Coco,” he calls out. “Please.”

You ignore him, wiping your tears with the back of your shaky hands, listening to the door shut behind you. 

“Are you okay?” Eren asks, voice calm.

You face him, forcing a weak smile, eyes still wet. “Perfectly fine.” You turn to hurry into your room, overwhelmed and wanting to hide in the safety of your bed forever. 

Before you can, he grabs you gently by the hand, thumb brushing your knuckles. “If you ever need to talk or anything, my door is always open for you.”

You mutter a timid, “Thank you,” then rush down the hall and into your room, heart pounding against your chest. His comforting words replay in your head, trying to replace all that was said between you and Reiner.  

~~~

At the end of the week, Eren hosts a game night in the common room of the dorm building. He’s excited to bond with his residents with pizza from his favorite local Italian joint and some good old-fashioned Mario Kart. He lays the food out on the table and sets up his Nintendo console to the TV, the familiar opening sequence playing on the screen. Then, he patiently waits for his first guest. Fifteen minutes pass and still no one shows up. Where is everybody? 

At the thirty-minute mark, he lays down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. The pizzas are surely lukewarm now, and the same tune playing on the TV is starting to grate on his ears. He texts Mikasa and Armin, complaining about the complete lack of attendees. Immediately, he gets a call from his sister. When he picks up, she states, “Eren, nobody is there because it’s the Friday night after midterms.”

“So?”

“People are getting ready to party. That’s what I’m doing, that’s what Armin is doing. That’s what everyone is doing.” 

Someone in the background yells, “Tell him to come out with us!” It’s Sasha’s voice. 

He groans, realizing his mistake. “I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not. Just come out with us. You deserve a break.”

He considers it for a few seconds, before he replies, “Thanks, but I’m gonna head to bed.”

Sasha boos him. “C’mon, Eren! Join us! It’ll be fun!”

“I’m tired, Sash. Next time.”

Believing she can’t be heard, she whispers to Mikasa, “He always says that.” Well, she’s not wrong. 

Eren bids farewell to his friends, wishing them fun tonight. He lays on the couch for a while longer, trying to not to be too devastated at this failure of an event. Finally standing up, he heads to the table to begin packing.

“Am I too late?”

He turns around, surprised by her voice. The resident from down the hall, Room 104. The girl he’s seen cry at least three times now, the most recent being earlier in the week, outside the dorms. A small confrontation with the guy who Eren assumes is her ex, the cause behind all the tears. He was hoping to run into her soon, to check if she’s doing alright. He’s delighted to find her standing in the doorway, a small smile on her face. 

“Hey,” he greets, waving at her. She steps towards him, inspecting the plethora of food on the table. He rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. “You’re the first person to show up, so we have plenty of food.”

She gives him a sympathetic look, opening the pizza box to grab a slice. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

He grins. “Hey, you’re here, aren’t you? That’s all that matters to me.”

As she settles in on the couch with her food, she explains, “I would have come earlier, but I was helping Annie get ready for a party.”

Eren takes the seat beside her, dropping a piece of pepperoni into his mouth. “I guess everyone really is going out tonight,” he muses, recalling what Mikasa told him earlier. 

“Well, not everyone,” she reminds him, smiling. His chest swells with warmth seeing this side of her. Eyes free of tears, cheeks rounded with happiness, relaxed in his presence. He secretly resents Reiner, or whatever that guy’s name is, for putting her through all the misery she’s had to suffer. 

They eat their pizza, chatting about arbitrary topics like favorite toppings, best local restaurants around the town, even a silly bet about who will beat who in a race. The upbeat melody of the Mario Kart intro still playing in the background is no longer annoying now that Eren has company. 

One box only halfway finished, they wipe their hands clean of pizza grease to start the game, picking their favorite characters. Eren always opts for Yoshi, because of course he’s got to get the green dinosaur. She selects Toad, going on about how adorable she finds him, doing a decent impersonation of his high-pitched, bouncy voice, causing Eren to bust out laughing. They race, moving their bodies along with their controllers, bumping elbows and shoulders with bright smiles on their faces. She nudges him in the ribs when he tosses a red shell at her, knocking her off the course to take first place. He taps her knee with his when he slips on a banana peel she strategically lays out for him. It’s competitive, but not serious, both of them gloating and teasing one another at their victories. After going through most of the courses, they play battle mode, teaming up together to destroy CPUs on the most difficult levels. 

After exhausting most of the game to their heart’s contents, Eren checks his phone, shocked that it’s already past 11 o’clock. He glances at her, checking if she’s ready to leave once they shut down the game. She remains beside him, her attention focused on the piano in the corner of the room. Pointing at it, she asks, “We have a piano in here?”, clearly never noticing it before.

He chuckles. “Yeah we do. Do you play?”

She shakes her head, standing up to approach it, sitting on one side of the bench. He follows her, taking his place next to her. It’s only now that he realizes how close they’ve been all night. His heart starts to beat faster for some reason. 

Finger at a key, she presses on it, filling the room with a very out-of-tune C-note. “Do you play?” she asks.

“Not much, just the basics really. I’m better at guitar.”

“Acoustic?”

“Electric,” he answers, resting his hand on the piano, hovering his fingers over a chord.

“Electric guitar is so cool. I’d love to hear you play sometime.” It’s an innocent suggestion. But for whatever reason, Eren is shy about the idea of her being inside his room, watching him play his guitar. And for a split second, he imagines what other activities they can do with each other, in the privacy of his bedroom. He catches himself, mentally waving away the potentially inappropriate thoughts. 

Desperate to change the subject, he suggests, “Want me to teach you something?”

She nods, eager to learn. He starts his thumb on a C-note. “This is a C-major scale. It starts here,” he presses down, wincing at how out of tune it is. “And then you follow through with the rest of your fingers. That’s a very basic scale, without complicating it too much.”

She does it easily, smiling at the keys in front of her. “Now can you teach me Moonlight Sonata?” she jokes. 

He laughs. “How about Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star instead?”

“Fine,” she says, fake pouting. She’s really cute.

By midnight, she’s perfected the lullaby, enough for the two of them to sing along to it. Even with the notes out of tune, it’s still pleasant to listen to. He then shows her how to play the easiest version of Heart & Soul, a fun duet they manage to practice together within the hour. She’s a quick learner, which he appreciates. After their performance, she looks at him, smiling. “You’re a really good teacher.” 

He brushes his fingers along the keys. “That was my dream job growing up. I always wanted to be a teacher.”

“A music teacher?”

“No, an elementary school science teacher,” he admits. “Thought it’d be so cool to blow their minds with little experiments or facts about the living things.” He stares distantly, a longing grin on his face, fantasizing an imaginary world where he’s pursuing a career he enjoys. 

“So, what made you want to become a doctor instead?” 

At this point, he’s speaking candidly, no longer worried about hiding the truth. He’s comfortable with her. “My dad. He’s a doctor, and it’s pretty much expected of me.”

“Are you enjoying it so far?”

“No, but at the end of the day, I’ll be helping people. And that’s what matters right?” 

There’s a small pause in the conversation as she pushes on one of the keys, the note ringing out in the temporary quiet. “Teachers help people too. More than what society gives them credit for. And besides, no one wants to go to a doctor who isn’t happy being a doctor, right?”

He faces her, processing her statement. “I guess I never thought about that.”

She continues, drumming her fingers lightly on the piano. “You shouldn’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to. If there’s anything I’ve learned these past few months, it’s that forcing yourself to be happy doesn’t actually make you happy. It’s silly to say that out loud, like it’s so obvious. But I’ve made a lot of excuses, pretending I was fine with decisions made on my behalf without my feelings being considered. It was always easier to go along with it, avoid confrontation or an argument. But at what cost? Sacrificing my own happiness? It isn’t worth it, especially when it’s your life that you’re living, nobody else’s.”

This is about her ex. There’s a strong urge to ask her about it, offer a lending ear to listen to what else is on her mind. But he doesn’t question it further. The words she speaks to him resonate. Although they’re both going through different struggles in their lives, she understands him better than he expects her to. Maybe more than anyone in his circle of friends right now. 

“I have a friend who’s an education major. Erwin Smith. His dad is also a teacher. I can give you his contact info if you want to talk to him?” she offers.

“I don’t know,” he responds hesitantly. He’s never considered changing his major. He can already picture the faces his father makes, disdainful and disappointment at his son “downgrading” his career. 

“It doesn’t hurt to have it, right? Just in case?” 

He thinks about it carefully before he eventually relents, whipping his phone out to type out the information she recites to him. She’s right; it doesn’t hurt to have it. It doesn’t mean anything. 

Phone still in his hand, he abruptly blurts out, “We should exchange numbers.” Almost instantly, he regrets it, aware at how inappropriate that would be. But when she grins at him, nodding, he’s immediately relieved. 

“I’m assuming this will be your personal number and not your RA emergency line?” she smirks.

Laughing, he confirms, “Yes, my personal number. I, um, enjoyed hanging out with you tonight. We should definitely do this again.” He passes her his phone as she does the same. 

“You’re teaching me Moonlight Sonata next, remember?” she jokes, tapping her number into his screen.

“Yeah, of course.”

She slips her phone back into her pocket. “Also, if you ever need someone to talk to or listen to you, I’m just down the hall.”

“Hey, that’s supposed to be my line,” he teases, nudging her elbow with his. 

“Well, you’ve helped me out way more than you know, so I want to do the same for you. Rely on me, okay? We’re friends now.”

Outside the room, students begin to stumble through the hall, back from their night of partying. Eren checks his phone, surprised to read 1:35 AM on the screen. “It’s already past 1. I’m sorry for keeping you up.”

“Don’t be. I wanted to be here with you. Thank you for hosting this.”

“Thank you for being the only person to show up.” 

They gaze at each other, smiling. He wants to stay like this a little while longer, but he knows it has to end. At least, for tonight. They’re friends now, and he’ll be able to enjoy that warm, vibrant smile more often, he hopes. 

“Anyways, we should probably sleep soon,” she suggests, glancing at the pizza boxes on the table. “I’ll help you clean up.”

“Thanks. Maybe we can hand some of these out. I bet someone out there has the munchies right now.”

She giggles. “Great idea, Mr. RA.”

They tidy up, clearing the room of trash and putting away the video game console back in Eren’s knapsack. She carries it with her while Eren balances the pizzas in his hands, offering a box to the passing residents that are not-so-discreetly drunk. By the time they make it to his room, he’s only got one left, deeming the event an overall success. Especially now that he’s made a friend from it. 

She sets the bag down on the floor, watching him unlock the door. “I guess this is goodnight,” she says, giving him a small wave as she begins to step backwards down the hall, facing him.

“Yeah. I guess it is. Sweet dreams, okay?”

“Sweet dreams, Eren,” she repeats, turning on her heel to walk to her room. 

~~~

You lay in bed, listening to Annie’s drunken snores beside you, mind focused on your new friend Eren. Snuggling closer to your pillow, you smile to yourself, happy for the first time in what feels like forever. It’s the most fun you’ve had this semester, and most importantly, it’s the longest you’ve gone without sulking about Reiner. 

It’s in this moment that you realize the baby steps you’ve taken so far don’t seem so small anymore. Things are finally starting to look up. 

Taglist:

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[nova-is-a-writer-now]

Hidden embers

Chapter 5

Chapter summary: You and Joel have a much needed conversation to try and fix things, key word “try.”

A/N: Hi hellooo it’s hidden embers Wednesday (BETTER LATE THAN NEVER). Writing this story is genuinely bringing me so much joy, I’m glad you guys are enjoying reading it as much as i am enjoying creating this world. If you haven’t figured it out yet, this story is much more about the plot than it is about smut or fluff, so if that’s what you’re here for, you’re gonna have to be patient (it’s gonna be worth it i promise!!) Again, tysm for the support on this, the comments make me so so happy and motivate me to keep writing this, much appreciated 🤍

Warnings: No outbreak AU, no use of y/n, no sarah, Age gap, DBF!Joel, Slow burn, a tiny bit of angst, Mean!Joel if you squint

Series masterlist

You’re in a shit mood. Have been for a while, though you refuse to dig too deep to pinpoint when it started. It might’ve been around the time Joel kicked you out of his house, but honestly, it’s inconsequential.

The point is, your mood’s been sour for the past week, and this stupid boot you have to wear for your sprained ankle isn’t helping. What really pisses you off is the doctor saying that if you hadn’t walked on it, it’d be a grade 1 sprain instead of a grade 2.

‘Cause what the fuck does he know about why you refused that car ride home? What does he know about the churning, boiling anger twisting in your gut every time you hear the name Joel Miller? And then, to make it all worse, he had to recommend two weeks of bed rest so your ankle could heal properly and as fast as possible. Safe to say that doctor isn’t exactly on your list of favorite people right now.

On top of that, your mother’s been parading you around like a prized pony all week, forcing you to sit through those never-ending pageant meetings she insists on holding at the house. It’s like she’s playing the role of a doting, concerned mother in front of her friends, fussing over you as if you’re some fragile doll. Which is funny because you’ve told her on multiple occasions you’d rather stay in bed and rest your ankle than get dragged downstairs while on crutches, yet she insists on how rude it would be to not come greet the guests.

Thankfully, today’s a bit different. She’s gone out to scout venues for the pageant, leaving you in the care of your dad. Normally, you’d be relieved by that, but not today. Not when you overhear him on the phone inviting Joel over to watch the Cowboys game.

“Oh good, you’re up. Joel’s coming over,” your dad says with a grin as you make your way slowly towards the living room couch. “Figured we could all watch the game together. Like old times.”

You’re not a massive football fan, never have been, but watching the games with your dad was always something you enjoyed. It was your thing. Now, the thought of sharing that time with Joel makes your blood boil. Sure, he’s been doing this with your dad way longer than you have, but the last thing you need this week is Joel sitting next to you like nothing happened, like the astronaut-looking boot immobilizing your foot isn’t a constant reminder of why the injury got so bad in the first place. He might not be at fault for you walking all the way back home, but he’s certainly to blame for making you angry enough to do it.

The tightening knot in your chest isn’t just about what happened—though that certainly adds fuel to the fire—it’s about the mess of emotions you’ve been grappling with ever since. You’ve always prided yourself on being mature, on handling things with a level head and a clear mind. You’re the one who’s got it all together, the one people turn to when they need advice or a shoulder to lean on. But when it comes to Joel, all that goes out the window. You find yourself acting in a way you never have, even as a teenager.

You hate that you care this much, that his actions affect you so deeply, and that you can’t just brush it off like you do with everything else. You hate that what he is doing —the sudden coldness and firm boundaries— are probably the right thing for him to do. Hell, you even respect him for it, in a twisted way. He’s keeping a polite distance from his best friend's daughter, and it makes it that much more pathetic that it upsets you so much. His rejection, no matter how justified, still stings like a slap to the face, and the way he went about it, so abrupt and dismissive, only adds salt to the wound.

But it’s more than just anger at him. It’s anger at yourself, too. For feeling this way. For letting it get to you. For wanting something that you know you shouldn’t, something that feels wrong on so many levels. You can’t help but feel a creeping sense of shame, like you’re betraying the version of yourself that you’ve always tried to be—strong, independent, unshakeable. And yet, here you are, feeling small and foolish because of a man’s mixed signals.

You’re used to being in control of your emotions, but this? This is new, uncharted territory, and you don’t know how to navigate it without crashing and burning. So, you do the only thing you can think of: you shut down. You sweep all those feelings under the rug, acting like nothing happened and doing your absolute best to avoid Joel as much as possible. Because if you can’t be the strong, composed woman you’ve always tried to be, you can at least be the one in control of this situation, even if it’s just on the surface.

“I don’t know, Dad,” you start, trying to keep your voice casual. “I’m not really feeling up to it today. Maybe you two could just watch it without me?”

He gives you a look, that ‘puppy lefton on the side of the road’ look he always uses to get you to do whatever he wants. “C’mon, sweetheart. It’ll be fun. Besides, you’ve been cooped up all week. You need a little excitement.”

Excitement is the opposite of what you need right now. Maybe a day of peace and quiet would fix every single issue in your life, but there’s no arguing with him, not when he’s already so excited about it. So, you force a smile and nod. “Alright, I’ll watch.”

But as soon as you hear Joel’s truck pull up in the driveway, that forced smile slips off your face. When he walks through the door, it takes every ounce of willpower not to roll your eyes. He’s all smiles, greeting your dad with a hearty handshake, but when his gaze lands on you, it’s different. There’s a flicker of something—concern, maybe something else—but you don’t give him the satisfaction of reacting.

“Hey, kid,” he says, all casual-like, as if nothing ever happened.

“Joel,” you reply, your tone clipped, arms crossed as you turn back to the TV.

Your dad, oblivious as always, doesn’t notice the tension crackling in the air between you and Joel. He’s already settling into his recliner on your right, meaning Joel will have to sit to your left on the couch. You try to muster up the polite Southern girl your parents raised you to be, but your patience is thinning by the second, and you feel like a time bomb ticking away.

You do your best to ignore him. The game’s playing on the TV but your mind is far from focused on it. Your dad seems deep into it though, and for a second, you almost think Joel is, too. But then, out of nowhere, you feel his eyes on you.

“Didn’t think Presscott had it in him this season,” Joel says casually, trying to draw you in. His voice is low, familiar. He’s not even looking at you directly, just tossing the comment out there like he’s fishing for an easy reply.

You shrug without taking your eyes off the screen. “Guess we’ll see.”

The silence that follows isn’t comfortable, nothing like the ones you two have shared before. Even though you know you’re being short with him, you can’t stop yourself. It’s easier to keep things shallow, to avoid any real conversation, because if you let him in—if you let the words flow—the dam will break, and you’re not ready for that. Not here. Not with your dad in the room.

Joel doesn’t give up, though. “I remember last season your dad nearly threw the remote through the TV” he says, chuckling softly. “Thought he was gonna lose it when they botched that fourth-quarter drive.”

He’s trying to be light, trying to break the tension, but it grates on you. You force a laugh, but it’s hollow. “Yeah. Funny.”

You glance over at him, just briefly, and catch the way his brow furrows. It’s like he’s trying to gauge where you’re at, trying to figure out how to soften you up —the reason why he's so interested in doing so right now is beyond you. You can see the conflict there, the way he’s holding back—just like you are—but neither of you is willing to be the first to crack.

“How’s the um…” Joel starts again, voice softer now, “how’s the ankle? Healing alright?”

It’s such a simple question, but it feels like a loaded one. You swallow hard, the anger bubbling up in your chest. “Just peachy.” you say through gritted teeth, still not looking at him. “Let’s watch the game.”

Joel shifts beside you. You can feel him trying, can sense the struggle in him to connect in some way, but you won’t give him the satisfaction. Not after the week you’ve had, not after the way he’s been messing with your head.

He’s quiet for a few minutes, and you almost think he’s given up—until he tries again. “Look, I know we haven’t talked since—” he starts, but you cut him off with a sharp shake of your head.

“Drop it, Joel,” you mutter, so low your dad can’t hear. You still don’t meet his eyes. “Not now.”

Joel lets out a breath, and you feel the tension between you tighten, like a rope pulling tighter and tighter with every second that passes. He falls silent again, and for a while, the only sounds in the room are the commentators on the TV and your dad’s occasional cheers or groans at the game.

But it doesn’t feel over. The conversation, the tension, the unsaid words—it’s all still there, simmering beneath the surface, and you know it’s only a matter of time before something gives.

At halftime, your dad stands up to stretch his legs. You’re almost relieved when he breaks the silence, muttering something about his age. Joel laughs stiffly before replying with a quiet “Ditto.”

“I ran into Maryanne the other day, you know, the one from down the street. She was askin’ after you.” your dad says, grinning like it’s nothing. “Wanted to know if you ever got her message. You planning on callin’ her back?”

Joel hesitates, and you catch the slight shift in his posture from the corner of your eye. Your dad’s words hang in the air like a loaded gun, and suddenly, the room feels too small, too stifling.

Your stomach twists. Without thinking, you stand up abruptly, ignoring the sharp pang in your ankle as you do. “I need some air,” you mutter, voice clipped.

“Hey! Use the crutches kid, doctor said you still need ‘em.” Your dad calls after you.

“I’m fine dad, I’ll be out for just a second.” you don’t bother looking back as you make long strides towards the door.

You make it to the porch, the cool air doing little to calm the storm raging inside you. You lean against the railing, gripping it so hard your knuckles turn white. You’re furious—furious at him, at yourself, at this whole damn situation. How did you let it get this far? How did you let Joel Miller, of all people, get under your skin like this?

Minutes pass before you hear the door creak open behind you. You don’t have to turn around to know who it is. You can feel his presence, heavy and familiar. He’s quiet as he steps out onto the porch, giving you a little space, like he knows better than to push his luck right now. You only hear him setting the crutches up against the railing, next to where you stand.

“You alright?” he asks, his voice rougher now, not as soft as it was earlier. There’s a wariness to it, like he’s testing the waters, unsure of how far he can go.

You don’t turn to look at him. “Let’s not do this.”

“Do what?”

“Acting like you care while I act like I don’t.”

He shifts behind you, and you can hear the hesitation in his breath before he responds. “I do.”

You huff out a bitter laugh. “Funny way of showing it.”

He doesn’t answer right away, and you hate how the silence stretches between you, filling the space with all the things you’re not saying. Finally, he steps closer, but not too close—just enough that you can feel his presence at your back.

“I’m sorry for last week. It wasn’t right, I was… in a mood. Had nothing to do with you.” The lie is heavy on his lips, you can tell even though you haven’t known him long enough to figure out all his tells.

“Seems like it had a lot to do with me, couldn’t wait to get me out of there.” You’re being petty, you know. But he’s pushing you and you can only be patient for so long.

“Don't be like that…”

“So, how’s the whole gardening thing working out for you?” you press him, pumping the brattiness up a notch.

He stares at you, a glimmer of frustration rising in his eyes. “About as well as ignoring doctor’s orders to rest your ankle, I’d imagine.”

You narrow your eyes at him, resisting the urge to snap back. “I’m doing just fine, thanks.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” he mutters, his tone laced with sarcasm. “You’re real good at takin’ care of yourself.”

Your jaw tightens, but you keep your voice steady. “I don’t need someone to babysit me.”

“That what you think I’m doin’?” He steps a little closer, his voice dropping lower, almost challenging. “Babysittin’?”

You look away, the intensity in his gaze making it hard to hold. “I don’t know what you’re doing, Joel. One minute you’re... I don’t even know, and the next you’re pushing me away.”

He’s quiet for a moment, and you can feel the weight of his eyes on you. “Maybe I’m just tryin’ to do the right thing.”

“By keeping me at arms length?” you ask, finally turning to look at him again. There’s a vulnerability in your voice that you hate, but it slips out anyway.

“By not makin’ things harder than they need to be,” he says, his tone softening slightly, though there’s still a hint of frustration there.

You sigh, the fight draining out of you. “Yeah, well, it’s clearly not working out great.”

The silence that follows is heavy, filled with all the things neither of you is willing to say. But there’s a shift in the air, a slight easing of the tension that’s been coiling between you both.

“Look,” he says after a moment, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to… I just—”

“It’s fine,” you cut him off, not wanting to hear whatever half-assed apology he’s about to offer. “We’re fine.”

He nods, though you can tell he’s not entirely convinced. “Yeah. We’re fine.”

You both stand there for a few more seconds, the conversation lingering in the air like smoke, not fully dissipating but not choking you either.

“Guess we should head back in,” you finally say, breaking the silence. Your voice is calmer now, the anger simmering down to a low burn.

“Yeah,” he agrees, stepping back to give you space. “We should.”

You turn to head inside—using your crutches this time— and for a brief moment, your shoulder brushes against his. The contact is brief, almost accidental, but it sends a jolt through you. Neither of you acknowledges it, but the feeling lingers as you walk back into the house.

As you settle back into the living room, there’s still an odd tension between you, something unspoken that neither of you wants to touch. The game is back on, and you both pretend to watch, but your thoughts are elsewhere, circling around everything that was just said—and everything that wasn’t.

It’s not perfect, and it’s not exactly comfortable, but it’s better than before. The air is clearer, if only slightly, and though the weird vibes linger, you both settle into a truce of sorts.

For now, it’ll have to be enough.

Tag list: @yesjazzywazzylove-blog , @untamedheart81 , @mellymbee , @wintersquirrel , @chyannealaniz , @spiderman-n-n, @ghostofzion , @sjc7542 , @yyiikes , @pedrofan

[estrellami-1]

If I Should Stay

Part 1 | . . . | Part 29 | Part 30 | Part 31

Chemistry isn’t any better than Steve remembers it. He shares Algebra with Nancy, though, so they sit together and work through the problems, getting done much faster this time around than he’d remembered doing so the first time.

He catches her looking at him, sometimes, and finally sighs, halfway through a problem. “Look, Nance, I get if this is gonna be weird now. If it would make it easier, we could officially break up. Have a big fight in public where one of us storms off, maybe. If it would help with… with closure, or whatever.”

She narrows her eyes at him. “Even if we painted you as the asshole?”

He smiles. “It’s not like most our classmates don’t already know me as such.”

She shrugs. “Even if we said you cheated on me?”

He’s not fast enough to keep his expression from shuttering. “If… if that’s what would help you-”

“Steve,” she says softly. Almost too softly. “When are you gonna stick up for yourself?”

He ducks his head and chuckles. “Still working on that,” he admits. “I’m fine, though, I can take it. So if you need-”

“Steve,” she interrupts. “We can just break up. Just normal. Like how we did. There doesn’t need to be a big fight or anything, we can just say that we realized we aren’t right for each other.” She tilts her head. “Cause it’s true, isn’t it? We’re not right for each other.”

Steve smiles at her. “You’re very driven,” he murmurs. “It’s something that initially drew me to you. But we weren’t ever gonna make it. I was talking with someone last night, about being compatible. And we just… aren’t, really. I’m not nearly as motivated as you, and I need someone more laid back. You need someone who’s gonna do what he can to help you reach your full potential.”

“And that wouldn’t have been you?”

Steve hums. “I think I would’ve tried my best,” he says. “But I’m still living under my father’s shadow, and the most he’d want you to be is a housewife.” She makes a face, and he laughs. “Exactly. I think maybe if we’d met later, after I’d realized I don’t owe him anything, maybe things would be different. But as it is… I’m being haunted by things that haven’t even happened yet. And won’t, now, because of what we’re trying to do. But that’s not fair to you.”

“And what I did to you wasn’t fair to you,” she says softly. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry.”

He stares at her for a moment, then looks abruptly down at his paper. “So, for number six, I’m still not understanding the polynomials.” He catches her sympathetic smile as she ducks her head to look at where he’s pointing.

“Okay, this is easy,” she says, and it feels like closure.

Still, he drags Robin into an empty classroom later. “Oh boy,” she says. “That’s a Nancy look. What did she do? Do I need to stop being friendly towards her?”

“No, Robs,” he chuckles, pulling her into a hug. “Just… it’s been a day, okay?”

“You can say that again,” she agrees, and wraps him in a hug tight enough he squeaks.

“It was good,” he finally manages. “We talked, during Algebra. Um. She apologized.”

“Oh, Steve,” Robin murmurs, and hugs him even tighter.

He buries his face in her hair. “Love you, Robbie.”

“Love you, dingus,” she murmurs. “Always.”

They stand like that for a few minutes, until the next bell rings and Steve pulls back with an apologetic smile. “Don’t wanna make us late.”

“Screw school,” Robin replies immediately, the way Steve knew she would. “I’m here for you.”

He grins sheepishly at her. “Next class is gym,” he says. “With Eddie. And all the guys I used to be friends with.”

Robin nods knowingly. “And you started burning those bridges with Tommy today,” she adds. “Yeah, okay. Go get your man.”

Steve chuckles and squeezes her one last time. “What class do you have?”

“Art.”

“Ooh,” he teases, because he knows she shares that class with Tammy.

“Fuck off,” she mutters, rolling her eyes and shoving him away.

He just gets right back into her space. She lets him. “Never,” he grins.

She fights down a smile as she pushes past him. “I thought you had gym?”

“Oh, fuck,” he says, and rushes to the lockers.

He can hear her laughter following him all the way.

Because his life must hate him, the gym teacher chooses dodgeball as the activity of the day.

Steve’s good at dodgeball, but he’s never been on the team opposite his friends. He’d always been the captain, and he’d always picked them for a reason: they’re good at the game.

But now it seems like the whole school is aware of his and Tommy’s parting, and they’ve all unanimously decided to side with Tommy.

Not that Steve cares about any of that at all. He’d just like to get through this class without a concussion.

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[thehighpriestess1]

August : 11

Summary : Fights, doubts, anger and love surround Gojo and Y/n as they try to figure out how to deal with the reunion.

Pairing : Gojo x y/n

Word count : 12k.

Warning : angst, language, slight smut. 18+ only.

Masterlist : Previous

Ask Box

There was momentary silence followed by Gojo’s threat. Trample this village to the ground? You stared at him in disbelief. His gaze sharp as a knife, pierced through your heart. In one life Gojo had broken your heart for the third time. There was no point in arguing with him. He always gets what he wants. Always. And you? You were well aware of your luck by now. You hated him. You hated him so much. You wanted to scream and shout and throw a fit but you couldn’t. True rage is always silent and often unnoticed. You had no power over him, you thought. You were just a pawn in his game. But even a  pawn can be dangerous when it has the  right motivation, you turned and looked at your son. You couldn’t hide anymore. No matter where’d run off too, Gojo will always find you.

“How dare you come here and threaten me?!”. You snarled.

“How dare I?”. Gojo scoffed. “How could you keep my son away from me?!”. Gojo stepped towards you. 

“What was I supposed to do Gojo?! I know It wasn’t right of me but what else did you expect from me?!”. You yelled. “I didn't know what was out there or who was waiting to kill me! I was terrified! There were people showing up at the house asking for me and these people protected me by risking their lives and now you stand here and threaten them! I was terrified!. Your knees felt weak but you held your ground by leaning on the crib. “I was so scared,you have no idea..”. You sobbed. 

Gojo looked at you sobbing  with tears in his eyes. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to take the step and hold you in his arms and assure you that everything would be alright but he couldn’t. There was an invisible force field separating the two of you. 

You looked up at him, “You think it was easy for me to do all of this alone? Do you really think I would keep our child away just to get some revenge on you? Is that what you think of me?”. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand. “I would have reached out to you eventually if it was just me but I couldn’t risk his life. I didn’t know who was waiting out there, Was it Naoya? Utahime? I didn’t know. All I knew was that ..”. You took a deep breath and looked down in the crib. “..I had to protect him.”.

Gojo stared at you in silence, he didn’t realize the weight of his words until it was too late. When he saw the look on your face he knew he went too far. He was desperate. Desperate to have you.  He sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes as you turned to Keisuke. “Y/n  I..I thought you were dead. You..I know it was hard for you but it wasn’t easy for me either. I couldn't eat! I couldn't sleep! For god's sake y/n I lived with your ghost! When I saw you today I…I thought I was dreaming but when I realized that you were really here I…I felt like I could breathe again. You had Keisuke but I had no one y/n. I kept cursing myself for leaving you that day. I shouldn't have left you. I should have listened to you! I…I am not asking you to forgive me just yet. I'm asking you to pity me and give me another chance to live because I don't think I can live without you anymore!!". Gojo let out a heavy breath. You looked at him, he looked desperate, tired, like a man who returned from a lost war.  "I didn’t mean to do it this way but I..I can’t risk losing you again”. He was gasping for breath. 

This was a dilemma. You knew you could no longer continue to live like you lived. You couldn't run, you didn't want to run. 

"There is no point in arguing anymore. You always get what you want anyway so fine let's do it your way but I have a few conditions”. You spoke bleakley. Pleadingly. Turning away to look at your son. 

“Anything. I'd give you anything y/n”. Gojo said, staring at your back.

You turned around and looked at him helplessly. He knew that look. That’s the same way people looked at him when they begged for their lives. He had never thought he would see you this way and it broke his heart.

“I want Keisuke to live a healthy and happy life”.

“Okay”. Gojo ran his hand through his hair  and leaned back against the cream wall.

“I mean, I want to  keep him away from …. Whatever that you do. No weapons or dirty business around him”.

Gojo gritted his teeth. It was insulting the lowly you  thought of him. “Ok”.

“I will have a say in every decision when it comes to him”.

.

.

“Obviously”. 

.

.

“I..I don’t know ..what..”.  You hesitated. “..our relation is but-”.

.

“You’re my wife”. Gojo cut you off. It was non-negotiable. 

You looked at him and walked over to the counter to pull out the proof of your new identity. “Y/n L/n was your wife. I am officially Hana Sato”. You handed him the plastic card.

Gojo took the card from your hand with a frown on your face. He looked at the card and then back at you. It was your face but not your name.Did Hiro give this to you? Is this why Yuta couldn’t find you? He smiled and then broke the card in two pieces. “Problem solved”.

You  stared at him with your mouth hung open. “You..did you just?”. You pointed at the broken pieces of plastic in his hand. 

“Next”. Gojo cut you off again.

“Are we  married?”

“Yes”.

“Are we married legally?”.

“Yes”.

You took a deep breath. “Then I want a divorce”.

.

.

Gojo straightened up and put his hands in his pockets. “No”. 

“Gojo..plea-”.

“No means no, y/n. We are married and we are going to stay that way. Regardless of what you think of me I am not going to raise my child in a broken home”. 

It hurt that Gojo was right. “Fine then. Stay married to me. But you can’t ..have relations with any other woman”.

Gojo let out a tired sigh. Did you really have to tell him that? “Agreed”. But then it clicked. “Wait..did you have any..boyfriend..or whatever ..here?”. Gojo asked, frowning.

“That’s none of your business”. You replied coldly.

Keisuke let out a whimper, you pressed your palm flat against your forehead and took a deep breath. What a mess this whole situation was. “I need to feed him so ..please leave now”. You turned and picked up Keisuke from the crib and brought him to bed. 

“No. I..I want to..be here and help”. 

“And how do you think you could help me feed him?”. 

The sarcasm in your tone irked Gojo. Like it reminded him of his place. “What else can I do then?”.

You sighed. There was so much to do. You had to feed Keisuke, pack your bags, and tell Mr. and Mrs.Itadori what happened. You didn’t have the energy to argue with Gojo now. 

“Fine. If you want to help then can you just…pack the bags?”. 

“You don’t need to take anything y/n. I can have everything there before we reach”.

You glared at him. “Can you please just do as I say?”.

“Fine”.

You turned around and faced the wall as you fed Keisuke. It was awkward with Gojo in the room. Keisuke who was blissfully unaware of the situation tugged on your hair strand while he sucked on happily. “There is a black suitcase in the cupboard behind the crib. Did you find it?”.

Gojo rolled up his shirt sleeves and looked around until he saw the said cupboard. “Yes”. He took the suitcase out and unzipped it. 

“In the drawer ..on the right side of the cupboard you will see his sweaters, take out the red one and put it in the crib”.

Gojo stood up and started pulling out the sweaters until he saw the red one.

“Ouch baby slowly!”. You winched when Keisuke tugged with force.

Gojo paused, “Sorry”.

“Not you!”. You groaned. 

“Oh right..sorry. I got the sweater. Where did you even buy this?”. Gojo asked.

“I..knitted it. Ouch! Keisuke stop pulling my hair”. 

Gojo turned around momentarily and thought maybe he should say something. “Stop annoying mom. We need to leave soon”. 

To your sad surprise, Keisuke let go of your hair strand. But you didn’t tell it to Gojo.

“Pick out a few of his overalls from the drawer below and pack them. Take out the blue one with the giraffe and keep it on the crib”.

Gojo did as he was told. HIs eyes welled up lightly thinking about how he didn’t get to pick clothes for his son. “Done”.

“In the drawer below that, you’ll see his shoes. Pick out the blue ones and keep the rest in a suitcase”. 

Gojo held the shoes in the palm of his hand, they were so small and adorable. “Done”. 

“You will see three stuffed toys in his crib”. You continued ordering Gojo around. 

“Yes!”. 

“Pack the shark, carrot and the bunny…keep the carrot out and pack the other two”.

Gojo stared at the crochet stuffed toys. He picked them up and gave it a light squish. He has missed out on so much when it came to his own son. Was the carrot his favorite toy? 

“Are you listening?”. You called out.

Gojo glared at you and tossed the two toys in the suitcase and kept the carrot out. “Done”. He spoke sternly. 

“There is a travel bag under his crib. It’s pink in color”. 

Gojo bent down and toko the cushioned bag out. “Got it”.

“There is baby formula and a bottle inside it. Can you make it?”. 

Gojo glared at you, if you had been facing him, his stare would have scared you. “No Y/n”. Gojo gritted his teeth. “I can’t make it”.

“Ugh. Fine I’ll do it”. Luckily Keisuke was done. You wiped his mouth with the cloth and picked him up. You turned out and let out an audible tired sigh when you saw the condition of the room. Clothes were falling out of the drawer, drawers were left open, the cupboard door was open. You felt dizzy but you had to push through. 

“Can you..make him burp?”. You asked, looking at clueless Gojo. 

“I can try..what do I do?”. 

“Hold him, how I am holding him right now”. 

Gojo nodded and extended his arm forward. He took Keisuke from you and surprisingly did a good job at holding him. He was too scared to move. This was the second time he was holding his son. He was so small and warm and soft and Gojo was scared to even breathe. He looked at him and then hugged him a little tighter. Keisuke giggled and Gojo smiled. Keisuke grabbed Gojo's ear and Gojo winced initially but then he smiled when he realized that it was his son. Gojo never wanted to let him go. 

“Good", you replied." Now just walk around slowly and pat his back lightly”. Gojo was nervous but he did as he was told and followed you into the kitchen. 

“Did you eat breakfast?”. You asked as you tied your hair up once again in a bun and began prepping. You wanted to scream and fight but you had to remain calm and think rationally. Everything was happening too fast. One moment you were angry at Gojo and next you were internally gushing over him holding Keisuke. You had imagined how Gojo would look walking around with Keisuke in his arms, would he hold him properly? How would Keisuke react? Now that you had seen it you felt guilty about your intentions. 

“No”. Gojo said as he continued doing what he was told. He stood in the entryway to the kitchen and watched you. This felt warmly domestic. 

“Ok ok. Ummmm ok”. You continued without looking at him. “First we need to boil the bottle. We do this to disinfect. While this happens we boil the water for the formula. It will take two minutes so keep an eye on the electric kettle”. You put the bottle in a pan filled with water. 

“Why are we making him burp?”. Gojo asked. 

“Because if we don’t then he might puke out the food and we don’t want that”. 

Gojo nodded. He wondered how you manage everything. 

“While that is happening..”. You trailed off as you put rice in a ceramic bowl and kept it on the table. You had Miso soup in the fridge and you took it out and warmed it on another stove. “..right where were we? Bottle..yes. You see the bubbles forming. It means it’s done”. You took out the bottle from the pan with tongs and kept it on a clean tray to cool. The water in the kettle has cooled down.

You continued to make the baby formula and Gojo watched your every move. Though he doubted he would ever need to do this but as a father he should know this. You kept the bottle in the travel bag and took Keisuke from his hand. “I have kept your breakfast on the counter. Eat it. I will go an..explain something to  Mr. and mrs.Itadori”. 

You left the room through the other door to go meet the family. 

Gojo watched you leave in a hurry and then stared at the two bowls of food in front of him. He smiled as he brought the tray to the small table and sat on the wooden chair. He ate and looked around the house. He pictured you, waddling around with your belly growing everyday. Did you have a healthy pregnancy? He realized he should have asked that. He pictured you walking through the door with the newborn baby, did you think of him when you went into labor? Did you think of him when you delivered? Did you ever think of reaching out to him after he was born? There were so many questions he wanted to ask but he didn’t know how to, or when to ask them. He didn’t know where the boundary began and where did it end? It was blurry in places and non-existent in others. But when it came to your personal life, he realized that it was rock solid. He wondered if you'd ever open up to him. Will the two of you spend the rest of your life living like a cold distant couple? 

Gojo hardly eats breakfast but he looked at the empty bowls in front of him and realized he could eat this very meal everyday. He picked up the tray and took it to sink. There were a few other dishes in there and he realized it was unlike you to leave them this way. So he began cleaning. He cleaned and wiped the plates,bowls and spoons and kept them neatly on a side. He realized that you had created this home, bit by bit, straw by straw, and he was going to uproot it. He realized that he didn’t ask you if you wanted to come with him, he didn’t give you an option, he realized that he selfishly demanded you to come with him. He’d apologize for that later, when you’d have some time together. 

He sat down on the couch and stared blankly at the door through which you left. You were alive. It finally dawned on him. He chuckled. His y/n was alive. The love of his life was alive! He had a son! Gojo smiled ear to ear like a mad man. He was relieved. He was glad he kept the ring all this time. Will you wear it again? He was glad for the clothes he bought for you. But Keisuke would need clothes. He took his phone out and had almost texted Yuri to buy baby clothes when he stopped. No. He wanted to shop for clothes with you. He will paint the nursery with you. He will set up the crib himself. He smiled thinking about it. 

-X-

“What do you mean you are leaving now?!”. Mrs.Itadori gasped.

Mr.Itadori remained calm. He knew that Keisuke needed a father. He watched as you sobbed silently across from them. It had hardly been 30 minutes since they came back from the temple  when you walked down holding Keisuke. 

“I know it’s sudden. But we don’t have time. I don’t want to turn him away”. Half lie, half truth. You couldn’t turn him away. If you do, then everyone will lose everything. “I promise you I will call and I will visit whenever I get a chance”.

Mrs.Itadori held your hand, “I am not stopping you, y/n. I want you to live a good life. Is there anything we could do to-”.

“No. You have done more than anyone. You made me realize what family truly means and I will miss you so much”. You wiped your tears with the tissue paper. 

“It’s okay y/n. We will visit you too. Mrs.itadori walked around the table and hugged you. You wrapped your arms around her waist and sobbed into her chest. She stroked your hair and controlled her own tears. In the past one year you had become the daughter she never had. 

“Y/n-chan is going?”. Yuji asked innocently with his two front teeth missing.

You pulled back from the hug and knelt on the ground to pull Yuji into a hug. “I promise I will visit you”. You kissed his cheek and handed him the toy you had bought for him earlier. 

“Are you taking Keisoo too?”. He asked as he took the toy from your hand.

“Yes baby. I have to”. You smoothed out his spiky hair. 

Yuji’s face turned red and he threw the toy on the floor. “I don’t want your toy! You can’t leave yuji!”.

Mr.Itadori picked up the toy and patted Yuji’s head. “That's a bad habit! Y/n has to go. Like Yuji has to go to school”.

Yuji looked at you with puffed up cheeks. “You..you will come again?”.

“Yes I will. I promise I will!”. You peppered kisses all over his face.

"Don't go! Don't leave Yuji!". You held you and started crying and you picked him up and wiped his tears. "I promise I will visit you. I will bring more toys for you!". 

“Do you need any help with Packing?”. Mrs.Itadori asked.

You kept Yuji down and smoothed your dress. “No no. I have packed everything. We will leave in a while”.

Mr.Itadori picked up Keisuke from the baby chair and cooed. “My baby boy. Grow up healthy and strong and take care of you mommy”. Keisuke babeled something and mr.Itadori laughed. “Tell me y/n, Is this man a good person? If you have any doubt you tell me right now. I will not let you leave with him”.

You chewed on your lip. What were you to tell him that the man who was the father of your child is the same man who killed Hiro?. “Yes. He is a good man”.

-X-

You entered your room and saw Gojo cleaning up the bedroom. You didn’t want to leave. You didn’t want to leave the family. You felt powerless. 

“Oh you’re here. I have called the driver and he will be here in 30 minutes”. 

You sobbed and nodded your head. “Can you…can you”. You sniffled. You shook your head and took a deep breath. “Can you please hold him for a while..I ..I need to be alone”.

Gojo stepped forward and took the baby from your hand. You walked inside the bedroom and closed the door behind you. Gojo heard a lock click but didn’t say anything. He sat down on the couch silently. 

As soon as you were alone you started heaving. Was it another anxiety attack? You went into the bathroom and closed the door behind you and sat down on the floor. You cried, you wanted to cry and yell but instead you kept a hand over your mouth to prevent any noise from escaping. You were leaving, you were really leaving. You thought about how you painted the room in summer, how you bought a measuring tape and decided on which wall to measure Keisuke’s height, how you were thinking about adding more cartoon stickers on the wall next summer, how you built the crib, and now you were leaving all of it behind. You were leaving the only people who had ever cared about you. You cursed the gods for this fate.Why show you happiness when they always take it away in the end? Your throat hurt and your head felt heavy. You wished you had never gone down to the store in the morning. Then maybe..just maybe..you could have continued to live here in your little paradise.

You got out of the room draggin the suitcase behind you. Gojo stood up  immediately as soon as he heard the door unlock. “I have packed everything we need in this. I have kept his medical documents in the pink bag”. You kept both the bags in the center of the room. You turned around and took in the view of your apartment one last time. 

Gojo could see the pain on your face. Your eyes were red and heavy, your face had lost its color and somehow you looked weaker than you did this morning. He held the baby with one hand and tried reaching for yours with another but you pulled your arm away as soon as you felt his touch. 

“I need to get him ready”. You made Keisuke lie down on the couch and started dressing him. Gojo kneeled down on the floor next to you. “Y/n..please look at me”. He didn’t try to touch you. He just wanted you to look at him. 

You stopped what you were doing and turned your head towards him, “What do you want?”. You asked. 

"Love ..I know it's hard-". 

"Don't call me that. It makes me sick". You snapped back at him.

Gojo's words died down in his throat . He shook his head and you turned yours back to Keisuke. Once he was done getting ready, you packed away his old clothes in the bag. 

“Do you even have a car seat?”. You asked.

“I have arranged for it. There is also a doctor on standby at every hospital on the way”. 

You nodded your head. You sat on the floor,holding Keisuke in your hand, with your back resting against the couch and Gojo sat next to you. “Can I ask you for a favor?”. You gulped harshly.

“Anything”. Gojo replied as he stared ahead at the wall.

“Can you ..please..get someone to clean out this apartment. I don’t want to trouble them”.

“Done”. 

“And..And can you get help for them? Preferably a woman. They are getting old and Yuji is still young”.

“Done”.

“Thank you”.

Gojo turned his head and saw a tear roll down your cheeks. 

“And Gojo..”. You turned towards him.”..if anything happens to me tell Keisuke about me. Bring him here once in a while. Please”.

“No. Nothing will happen to you”. Gojo frowned, why were you making this request? What will happen to you? He won't let anything happen to you.

“Just..promise me”.

Gojo sighed. “I promise”. 

-X-

Gojo stood near the car as you said your goodbyes. Mrs.Itadori handed you another bag full of food and a sweater she had knit for Keisuke. You hugged the family one last time and kissed Yuji before walking away for forever. You looked up at where your apartment was and imagined it to be lifeless and haunted. You bit your lip and turned away before you brokedown once again. 

Gojo fastened Keisuke in the car seat placed between the two of you. You sat down in your seat and wiped your tears with the tissue paper. Your eyes burnt with all the crying. Keisuke was dozing off and the driver was given clear instructions on when to stop for rest and how to drive. 

“He’s asleep”. Gojo commented, trying to start a conversation as the car turned. 

But you didn’t reply and kept staring outside at the village you called home. You kept on staring without blinking at the shop until it was out of sight and when it was you closed your eyes and leaned back in the leather seat. 

“I know it’s tough for you to leave but-”.

“You could have at least asked me what I wanted”. You mumbled. Gojo could see your lips quivering. “It’s too late now anyway”. You kept your eyes closed but didn’t wipe the tears rolling down the corners.

Gojo bit his lip. “Please y/n. You have to understand that it wasn’t that easy for me either”. 

“And yet I am the one leaving everything behind”. 

It was true, Gojo thought as he looked away. Was this the right time to talk? He wondered. He looked at Keisuke sleeping blissfully in the car seat with Mr.carrot by his side. He looked healthy and happy. You had taken good care of him, but who took care of you? 

“I hope you know that I will look for a lawyer when we reach Tokyo”. You spoke, looking straight ahead.

Gojo’s heart skipped a beat. “Y/n you can't be serious. Do you really want to raise our son in-”.

“I will raise my son how I see fit. I have gone through the entire pregnancy without you and I am sure I can raise him well on my own. I would rather he grow up without a father than grow up in your world”.

Your words pierced his heart like a dagger. You knew your words stung and your intentions were cruel but you were ready to do anything and everything in your power to give Keisuke a better life. 

Gojo gritted his teeth. This was not the reunion he had expected. Were you forgetting that you were the one who had betrayed him? You were the one who lied to him? Had you told him the truth then none of this would have been happening right now. “Do you really think it is in the best interest of Keisuke?”. Gojo asked. 

No. You knew that it was not. You knew what it was like to grow up in a  dysfunctional family and you knew you were acting selfish. “Yes”. You said. Even if it kills you for real this time, you will fight for your son.

“Why?”. Gojo asked. “Why do all this when we can try and be a family?”. 

“Family?”. You turned towards him with a shocked face. “Do you even love me? Do you even care about what I want? Have you ever cared about what I want? You wanted to marry Utahime so you left me! You wanted to be with me so you practically kidnapped me and lied to me about everything! You..you killed Hiro for god's sake! And now you..you didn’t even bother to ask me if I want to come with you. You threatened me! Where is love in all this Gojo?!”. You put your hand over your eye and slumped back in the seat. 

Gojo sat silently. How could you ask him that? He knew what he did was wrong. He knew you had every right to be angry but..”I have loved you since the day I saw you y/n. I have made many mistakes along the way but I  never..”. His voice quivered. “..I never meant to hurt you. I know I acted harshly but I did it out of desperation but I swear I did it all to protect you. I agree my means were not the most ethical and I deserve your hatred but I did to protect you. I didn’t know better back then y/n. But I do now so please just give us a chance”.

Gojo leaned his head back and took a quick breath. He didn’t want to lose his composure on you when he was already a villain in your eyes. “I always wanted to have a family. You knew that. I..I missed out on so much. I wanted to be there with you and I couldn’t”.

No. You were not going to believe him. You had heard enough. You had seen enough. You had been through enough. “I Know that you have every power in the world to take Keisuke away from me and I..I can’t risk that. He means everything to me and I can’t live without him”. You spoke as you turned your face away.

Gojo hummed. “And I can’t live without you y/n. Every power I have means nothing in front of you. I just want a chance to prove that I deserve to have you and Keisuke in my life”.

You frowned. “Fine. A month. You get a month”

“Fine then”. Gojo smiled sadly. “But remember that I will be fighting not just for Keisuke but for you too and I will win”. 

You poked your tongue in cheek in annoyance. 

“..and y/n?”. Gojo smiled.

“What?”. You snapped back.

“Stop calling me Gojo. You’re a Gojo too”.  Gojo bent down and kissed Kisuke gently. “-and so is he”.

-X-

Yuri woke up in Gojo's bed, wearing Gojo’s shirt. She wasn’t allowed in here. No one was, except Jerry. But since Gojo was out, she took the liberty. She took in his scent and smiled lazily to herself. She missed him already. Missed his smile. His anger. His eyes. She was hopelessly in love with Gojo Satoru. She turned to see the photo frame on his nightstand. It had black and white photobooth photos collaged together. She wondered why he ever fell for you? You looked normal. A bit dull compared to him. She wished she could scratch off your face from every photo but there were lines she couldn’t cross yet. She had always thought that all men want is sex, but to her surprise Gojo Satoru was different. He turned down her advances. She had tried to get him drunk so he would finally fall for her and thought she had succeeded when Gojo let her kiss her cheek but at the end of the night he went back to his room. She had to make him love her. She turned on her back and stared at the ceiling. 

Once your death anniversary passes, she will marry Gojo Satoru. “Gojo Yuri”. She giggled to herself. She wondered how their first night would be. Would he be wild with her or would he be gentle? She wondered how it’d feel when he’d kiss her. Her hand slipped inside her thong as she imagined it to be his fingers, his tongue, his cock. She wondered how he’d look above her, beneath her, behind her. Her breath quickened as she increased the pace. She wondered what term of endearment he would use for her. Her hips twitched as she neared her climax. She imagined his moans and groans as she came whimpering his name. This wasn’t the first time she had cum thinking about him but she was getting tired of using her fingers. 

She turned her head and picked up her phone, 9:00 AM. Gojo must be done with his work. He said he would return by night, she would make dinner for him. Steak? Pasta? She wondered what he would be in the mood of. 

“Jerry!...Jerry!”. She yelled on top of her lungs.

“Yes Ms.Yuri”. Jerry hurriedly rushed in. He was terrified of Yuri and disliked her severely. She had tormented many of the house staff and he had to go above and beyond to either make them stay or compensate them adequately. 

“What’s for breakfast?”.

“Mr.Gojo is not here today”. Jerry replied with his eyes set on the floor. Yuri had asked him to never look her in the eyes and always keep his hands folded in front of him whenever he was talking to her or Gojo. She said it was to remind him of his place. After 10 years of service, he naturally felt insulted by her demand but obeyed anyway. 

“So? Is he the only one who eats in this house?”.

“I’m sorry ma’am. I wasn’t aware that you’d be eating your breakfast here today”. 

Yuri scoffed. “I want a blueberry smoothie and scrambled egg. Got it?”.

“Yes…ma’am”. 

Yuri walked to the dining area with two helpers behind her, one carrying her black Birkin bag and other carrying her cashmere coat. Her red bottom heels clicked with every step. Another help stepped forward and opened the door for her. Another help pulled out her chair for her. Every house help hated being in her presence. Even Gojo Satoru didn’t treat them this way then who did she think she was to demand this treatment. But they were always too scared to say anything. The last help who spoke up was tortured for three days straight. 

Yuri scrolled on her instagram as she finished the last bits of her eggs. She had nothing to do today. Maybe she would go shopping or to a spa or both. She was about to leave when she saw Gojo’s message. She read it and then read it again. No. It can’t be possible. She called Gojo immediately but he cut the call. She called again and he cut the call again. 

“NO! NO! NO!!! NO!!”. She yelled as she threw the glasses and plated at the wall. Jerry and others stood at a distance and watched her. 

When she was done breaking every piece of breakable thing in the room she stood up straight, her hair stuck to her forehead, chest heaving, mouth open, eyes wide with shock. She turned towards Jerry and gritted her teeth. “That bitch!...That fucking bitch is alive!”. 

She opened her phone again. “y/n is alive. I am bringing her and the baby home”. She looked at Jerry again. “Did Satoru text you?”.

“Yes he did”.

“What did he say?”. Yuri asked and she pushed aside her hair. 

“He has asked me to get the house ready. They will be here before dinner”. 

Yuri stared at the phone in her hand, and chuckled. “You can get the downstairs bedroom ready for her and her little spawn”. 

“Mr.Gojo has asked us to..get his room ready for them”.

Yuri raised an eyebrow. “What?”.

“He said that they will be sleeping in the master bedroom”. 

-X-

The car ride was silent for most of the time. You made a mental note of things you would need to do.A month seemed too long and too short at the same time but it could give you enough time to find your footing if you were to divorce Gojo. You wondered if you could tell Gojo everything that had happened but would he use it against you. He could. Your head felt heavy thinking about everything. You looked at Keisuke, still fast asleep and thanked the gods that Keisuke did not wake up. But it was post lunch and you wanted to feed him. 

“What happened?”. Gojo asked, looking at you. You looked adorable, like a kid trying to decide which candy to buy. 

“He is sleeping a lot”. You said.

“Isn’t that a good thing?”. Gojo questioned. He had been reading articles all this time on babies and fatherhood but he felt he still had a lot to learn.

“Not really. If he sleeps now then he won't sleep at night. If he doesn’t sleep at night then I won’t sleep at night”.

“We won’t sleep at night”. Gojo corrected. 

You rolled your eyes at him and tried to wake up Keisuke. Gojo checked his watch, it was 2:00 PM. Let’s stop for lunch. He told the driver who gave him a curt nod. Keisuke opened his eyes and stretched his arms. You were accustomed to his cuteness and yet it melted your heart but watching Gojo melt over his toothless yawns and spit bubbles was even more endearing. 

“Aaaw that’s a big yawn! Mumma woke up my baby”. Gojo stroked Keisuke’s cheeks. 

“Are you hungry?”. You bent down and patted his stomach lightly. Keisuke looked between the two of you and then gave a toothless smile. 

“Aaah his cuteness will give me a heart attack”. Gojo put his palm over his chest and you chuckled. 

The car came to a halt at a pitstop. “You should eat something”. Gojo said as you pulled out the milk bottle from the bag.

“I’m not hungry”. You replied coldly. Gojo could pretend to be a happy family all he wanted but you were not going to budge. 

“You gave me a month, remember? So let me take care of my love ”. Gojo pleaded. 

You bit the inside of your cheek, “Do whatever you want”. You replied without looking at him and just like that your armor was up.

Gojo smiled, He knew it wasn’t a yes but it wasn’t a no either, and got out of the car. You let Keisuke stay in the car seat and fed him from the bottle. You won’t lie that motherhood is tiring and tough. Maybe having Gojo around until you settle down on your own wouldn’t be a bad thing. 

Gojo walked in between the aisles of 7-Eleven and cursed himself for not thinking this through. He would never let you eat any of this. This is not something a new mother should be eating. He groaned in frustration, how the hell was he going to prove himself to you if he didn’t even know what you could eat or not. He picked up his phone and called the only person who could help him. Shoko.

It had been over 20 minutes since Gojo left and Keisuke was done feeding. He was wide awake now so you opened the car door and got down with him in your arms. The weather was perfect. The sun shone brightly and the air was cool. Keisuke burped twice as you patted his back. 

“Why are you out of the car?”. You heard Gojo’s voice and turned around to see him walking towards you.

“Just wanted to stretch my legs and he needed to burp”. You smiled. You realized that you had kept your sweater in the car and now you were starting to feel the winter. You kept Keisuke down back in the seat and cracked your fingers. He was starting to get heavy. 

“Here. I got sandwiches, chocolate milk, juice, and kit-kats. I wanted to get coffee but I wasn’t sure if you could drink it”.

“Gojo it’s a lot”. You stared at the bag. 

“Then we better get started, right?”. He smiled and handed you a sandwich. 

The two of you ate in silence standing outside as Keisuke played with the carrot in the car seat.

“Gojo, can I ask you something?”. You asked as you kept the sandwich wrapper in the brown trash bag.

“Yes Gojo you can”. Gojo replied.

You rolled your eyes, “I am serious right now”.

“Fine..y/n. Ask”.

“Did you or do you have a ..girlfriend? If you do then I will have to meet her before letting her get near my son”. You looked down, hesitant to meet his eyes. 

“No”. Gojo replied immediately. “I have only loved one woman. My wife. But she ran away last year and now I don’t know where she is”.

You sucked in a sharp breath. “It’s not funny”.

“I mean it. I don’t have any other woman in my life”. Gojo said as he opened the bottle of chocolate milk and handed it to you. You took it without looking at him. “What about you? Any man in your life?”.

“I told you, it’s none of your business”. 

Gojo blinked slowly. He knew you were pregnant for most part of the year but how could anyone not fall for you? Was there someone back in the village? He felt a jealous rage course through him. He swore that if he ever found this man he would make him disappear for laying his eyes on you. 

“If you do then I will have to meet the man before letting him get anywhere near ‘our’ son”. Gojo retorted.

“Fine”. You replied. 

Gojo scoffed but dropped the topic. He could always find out on his own. “Can I ask you something?”. Gojo asked.

“Sure”.

“What did you crave the most when you were pregnant?” 

You turned around and leaned back on the car. “I craved a lot of sweets. Mostly warm bread with honey and whipped cream with lots of mochi.It was like a mochi sandwich. Also a lot of cranberry juice”. 

Gojo chuckled. Looks like Keisuke took after him. Mochi sandwich? It sounded interesting and something he would love for sure.

You cursed yourself for not carrying your coat. The temperature was dropping every hour and it looked like it would snow soon. You straightened up and turned away to check on Keisuke and felt something warm envelop you. Gojo had put his overcoat around your shoulders. 

“It’s fine. I’m not-”. You tried to take it off but Gojo stopped you.

“Keep it. You need to stay warm”.

-X-

You felt someone nudge at your arm. You opened your eyes slowly to see Gojo looking at you. “We are here”. 

You straightened up and took a deep breath, “I didn’t realize I had..why didn't you wake me up?” You asked. 

“You were sleeping so peacefully”. 

You wiped your face with your hand and took Keisuke in your arms. He was awake and looking out with curiosity. Gojo got down from the car and walked around to open the door for you. He held out his hand and you took it as you got out of the car. You looked at the huge traditional mansion in front of you. The entire village could live here happily, You thought to yourself. Gojo stood next to you with his arm resting against your back. You didn’t ask him to move it. 

Yuri watched as Gojo held the door open for you and gave his hand out to you. She frowned, Gojo never opened the door for himself. What changed in 12 hours. But she maintained the smile on her face. Whoever you were, you were no match for her. She looked at the baby in your arms and scowled. What a waste of Gojo genetics, she thought to herself. Were you wearing his coat? She scoffed, in her eyes you were nothing more than a farm animal, a charity case for Gojo. But her resolve faltered when she saw the way Gojo looked at you. He looked …alive.

Jerry stood on the other side of the door with a genuine smile on his face. He had met you a few times before and liked you. He was happy to know that you were coming home. 

“Hello Jerry”. You greeted him at the door. You were happy to see a familiar face.

“Hello Ms.Y/n. You look beautiful”. Jerry said and gave you a curt bow. “Who do we have here?”. He cooed when he saw Keisuke stare at him. “He is adorable”. Jerry smiled at him and Keisuke being the good boy he was, gave a toothless grin. 

“How are you Jerry? And how is Rose?”. You asked. 

Jerry’s heart swelled up. You remembered his wife even if you had met her only once. “We are both good and healthy. welcome to Tokyo Ms.y/n”

“Oh he is so adorable!’. Yuri squealed as she stepped in between you and Jerry bent down to look at Keisuke. She looked up at Gojo and winked. “He looked just like you toru”. She cooed. You turned your head back and glared at Gojo. 

“Y/n, this is Yuri. She is my assistant”. Gojo said as he pulled you into him. He was just as shocked at Yuri’s reaction as Jerry was. He wasn't expecting her to be here at this time.

“I thought Miwa was your assistant”. You couldn’t control your smile. You were not stupid. You knew what was happening here and you found it extremely amusing. You finally had something over Gojo. 

“I am his personal assistant”. Yuri chirped in. 

You turned towards Yuri and she smiled and tried to touch Keisuke but you moved your shoulder and blocked it. "Don't touch him". You said and walked away with Gojo in tow. 

Yuri was left standing there and the whole fleet walked in front of her to follow you. Who the fuck did you think you were? Did you look down on her? You looked down on her?! She gritted her teeth and walked back in. She saw how you greeted all of the staff and smiled at them. Oh you were faking it for sure. Pretending to be a kind hearted person just so you could get money from Gojo. 

“Where do I stay?”. You asked Gojo. 

Gojo smiled. “We stay that way”. He said and led you to the master bedroom. The whole mansion was not only huge but was sprawled out over a vast land. It was  traditional for most parts. As you walked next to Gojo you noticed how no one looked at you. They greeted you but looked terrified for some reason. The master wing of the mansion was at the farthest end which Gojo deemed to be the safest place. The sun had begun to set and the atmosphere was getting colder and you just wanted a hot bath and sleep. 

You didn't want to fight him anymore when he pulled you closer to him. Maybe because a part of you wanted it or maybe because you were too tired to argue. The room was on the top most floor of the mansion and you were surprised to see an elevator leading up to it. You walked out the elevator into a living room with a couch and a small dining table. You walked through the room into the bedroom and when you entered the bedroom you were surprised by the whiteness of it. The most colorful thing in the room was ironically Mr.Carrot you walked in with Keisuke in your arms and You wondered how many nights did Gojo spend here thinking about you you? You turned towards the bed and saw the photo frame of your photos. Your eyes welled up. You wondered how many times he looked at it and how many times did it flip it down? There was a book on the nightstand, was it the same…

"Yeah…I kept it because..just in case". Gojo spoke, standing behind you. 

You looked at him and then averted your gaze. "Okay". You said and made Keisuke lie on the bed. You had to bathe him..

You felt guilty. Like you had stolen something from him. Like you owed him glimpses of things you stole and yet you were being selfish. You got on your knees and started undressing Keisuke. "Do you want to help?". You asked without looking at Gojo but he was next to you, kneeling on the ground in a second. 

"He's so soft". Gojo said. 

"He's just a baby". 

"He is the most adorable baby in the world!!". Gojo spoke and kissed Keisuke's nose.

You looked at him, his face red with baby fever. You smiled to yourself and let him do the job. 

Yuri stood at the door and watched you watch him. It was unfair how easily you got access to things that were prohibited for her. Jerry walked past her with a tray, she watched and scoffed. You didn't even have to ask for anything. 

"Ms.Y/n". Jerry called out. 

You turned around and stood up. You took the glass of water. "Thank you Jerry". 

Gojo stood up and took the second glass. "By the way Jerry". Gojo said before he took a huge sip. "She is Mrs.Gojo now". He winked at Jerry, making him chuckle.  

"My bad, Mrs.Gojo". 

You rolled your eyes. "Please just call me y/n, Jerry". 

Gojo smiled sadly. 

"Well then tell me y/n, what would you like for dinner?". Jerry chirped. 

"Really anything is fine. I don't want to trouble you too much". 

"Oh no trouble at all ma'am". 

Gojo put his glass back on the tray. "Something light should be fine. Oh and send it to the room, we'll have dinner here". 

Yuri watched the whole interaction from the shadows, Mrs.Gojo? A tear rolled down her cheek. She watched how Gojo's hand stayed on your back, how he looked at you when you talked to Jerry. Even Jerry seemed genuinely happy to see you! Why?! Why?! Why?! As Jerry walked past her again she took a deep breath and stepped inside with a smile on her face. "Satoru, I'm sorry to interrupt you". 

Both you and Gojo turned towards her. You exchanged looks. Gojo sighed as he looked at Yuri. He didn't want to waste a second being with you. What could she need now?

"Yes, Yuri?". He asked tiredly. 

Yuri's face dropped. Did he just sigh at her? But her mask was back on in a second. "I just wanted  to remind you of your schedule tom-".

"Cancel everything".  Gojo said without a second thought.

"But we have-".

"Yuri". Gojo interrupted her again. "I said cancel everything".  

"If you have work then you should go". You spoke sweetly as you looked up at him. "We will be fine".

"And leave you here all alone?" Gojo smiled. "Absolutely not". 

"I can survive a few hours without you". You gave Gojo a soft smile.

Gojo chuckled, "But I can't". 

You shook your head and walked back to the bed. 

"You may leave now". He said to her but his eyes were set on you.  

Yuri smiled and walked back. She could hear the baby giggle. As soon as she was in the elevator alone, her smile turned to glare. A dangerous glare. 

You knelt on the bathroom floor as you gave Keisuke a sponge bath. Gojo sat opposite to you, holding Keisuke in his arms. 

"I can't get over how small he js". Gojo said, he looked at the tiny feet and tiny hands. Gojo's palm could easily cover his whole torso.

"He is only two months old but he is growing fast". You said calmly. 

Keisuke wrapped his hand around Gojo's finger and babelled as you wiped his torso. Gojo smiled and shook his hand gently. 

"Turn him around". You said and Gojo obeyed. He held Keisuke upright and you scooted closer to wipe him.

"Where are we?". You asked, looking at Gojo. 

"What do you mean?". Gojo frowned.  

"I…I mean the address. I need to call a cab tomorrow morning". 

"Where are you going?". Gojo asked, scanning your face. 

"I need to go to City to get some things for him". You asked and soaked the sponge in the warm water. 

"We'll go together". Gojo said. He couldn't believe you were still trying to keep him away. 

"It's not that". You read his face. "I don't want to take him out just yet. The weather is getting colder and it's already a new environment for him. He might get sick". You explained as you say back on your heels. 

Gojo's face relaxed. "Don't worry. He'll be safe here with Jerry". 

"I have never left him alone..". 

Gojo smiled and held your hand. "Don't worry y/n, it'll be just for a few hours and you know we can trust Jerry". 

You looked down at where his hand rested on yours. It felt nice. Like you finally had someone on your side.

Gojo looked down at your hands. He could actually feel your skin against his. It was another reminder that you were really here. He knew he had a long way to go before he could earn your trust. But for now even your hesitant touches were more than enough for him. 

"Okay". You replied with a small smile."we'll go together then". 

Gojo had insisted that you take a shower first. He would have preferred to take it with you but he didn't want to push his luck. You were thankful that Gojo was giving you space to adjust. You took a deep breath and let the warm water cascade down your back. You could hear Gojo talking to Keisuke outside and Keisuke replying in spit bubbles. It was funny how alike those two were. Clingy. Talkative. Demanding. Absolute menace. You knew he was going to be like Gojo when all you craved during pregnancy was mochi sandwich. What a concoction that was. But you were sure it was something Gojo…Satoru would love. Maybe you'll make it for him someday. 

The thought of filing for a divorce still weighed heavily on your mind and heart. A part of you wanted to give this a chance but another part of you couldn't get Hiro's words out of your mind. You wondered what he would say if he saw you here with him. Would he be happy that you have a family or would he curse you for settling down with his killer? Hiro saved your life by giving you a chance to escape but he was also the reason you were there in the first place. Gojo saved your life too when he took you away from Utahime and Naoya but Gojo also killed Hiro. You were lied to but you also kept Gojo's son away from him. Gojo missed out on the birth of Keisuke and you knew that if you left Gojo then one day Keisuke would ask who his father was. Even if you stay with Gojo you won't have an explanation for why his father wasn't there at his birth. You had unknowingly hurt your son too. No one was innocent, the only question was did everyone pay for their crimes?  

Gojo was absolutely in love with Keisuke. His little giggles. His tiny arms and feet. His toothless smile. His doe eyes. His tiny button nose. His amusement at everything. But above all he loved that Keisuke was a part of you. You and Him created him. He was proof that your love still existed..it bloomed even when he was going through his darkest days. Gojo stroked his puffy cheeks. He was not going to give up. No. He was going to fight for you and him. He was going to win. 

"Can you tell your mom that I love her and I missed her? She is so stubborn, isn't she?" Gojo scrunched his nose." I hope you didn't trouble her too much. You are going to grow up to be a handsome boy. But remember that you mom is my girl". Gojo winked and kissed Keisuke's cheeks.  

"You can go and shower now". You said as you walked to the bed. Gojo gave Keisuke a parting kiss and got off the floor. 

You were dressed in another one of your dresses. It wasn't the most ideal thing to sleep in but your options were limited. You made a mental note of shopping for some more clothes tomorrow. 

"I..have your clothes here". Gojo said and pointed towards the wardrobe. He thanked the past for thinking ahead. Being delusional paid off. 

"My clothes?". You asked. Gojo walked towards the wardrobe and you followed him. Your eyes widened when he flicked on the light switch. The walk in was filled with more clothes that you've ever had. You walked between the rows of clothes. 

"I..wanted to be ready for whenever I'd see you". Gojo tried to explain. 

"Didn't you think that I was dead?". You turned your head back and looked at him. 

"I was.. hopeful". 

You smiled and walked to the glass top counter. The jewelry inside would put any collector to shame. But your eyes landed on a familiar ring in the center.

"Where did you find this?". You asked, eyes still set on the ring. 

"I found it that night," Gojo said as he walked towards you."After the explosion. I was told that Naoya killed you and before I could search the place it exploded and this was all I could find". He stood behind you with his hand resting on your back.  

"Who told you that Naoya killed me?". .You frowned. 

"Joichiro did". Gojo spoke sternly. 

You let out a sigh and turned around to find yourself in the arms of your alleged husband. Your breath hitched for a second. You couldn't move back and he was staring innocently at you as if he was unaware of your rapid beating of your heart. 

"Do you ..do you want me to put it on you?". Gojo asked. He was serious. He looked down at you, your cheeks had turned pink and he wondered if that was because of the hot shower you took or because you were mad at him. 

Did you want to wear it? You didn't know. Maybe…yes. But no. 

Gojo sensed your confusion and smiled in return. "You don't have to answer now". He stepped back and walked away. You watched in shock, was he really that unaware? You shook your head and picked out a checkered button down shirt and matching shorts to change into. 

When you walked out of the closet you saw Yuri or was it Yumi? Standing near the bed. For some reason you didn't like her. Maybe it was the way she looked at Gojo that irked you. You didn't think you were jealous. Why would you be jealous over him? It didn't make sense right.

"Do you need anything?". You asked as you walked over to her. 

"Just wanted to drop these files off for Satoru". She smiled at you. 

It wasn't a friendly smile. It was a smile that said that she was close enough to call him by his first name. 

"You can give them to me. I'll give it to him". You said, not returning the smile. 

Yuri smiled again. "I'll wait for him. He doesn't take more than 20 minutes to shower anyway". 

You took a deep breath. "He takes exactly 25 minutes to shower. Then another 7 to get ready. I'd rather you keep the files on the table than stand in front of me for another 32 minutes". You pointed at the small table near the door. 

Yuri gritted her teeth. "Do you think you're special?". Her smile had faded. 

"Why don't you ask Satoru what I am?". You smiled. 

Yuri looked you up. "Do you even know how much the clothes on your body cost? The one that you put on so casually? You think all of this is something you are entitled to and you can look down on me only because you have a child with him?You're nothing but a charity case for him". Yuri tilted her head and shrugged.

Few years ago you would have been offended by the comment but you had been through enough to know what this was. "Looking at the efforts he had made so far, I'd say he is extremely charitable".

Yuri bit her bottom lip. You were definitely something. "Just know that if he hadn't run into you today, he would have been mine". 

You gulped. You were angry, not jealous. You convinced yourself. "If he couldn't be yours when I was dead then what makes you think he could be yours now?". You gave her a pressed smile. 

Yuri scoffed and opened her mouth to say something but couldn't. She walked away, throwing the file on the table. You stood there, seething. Even if you were going to leave Gojo, there was no way you were going to let her walk all over you. 

Jerry brought in dinner soon after and by that time Keisuke had been fed and asleep. Gojo sat opposite to you on the small coffee table near the balcony. He watched you poke the bowl of half eaten rice. 

"Is everything okay?". He asked. 

You snapped out of your thoughts and smiled at him. "Yeah. Just tired". 

Gojo watched you like a hawk. "No. It's something else". 

"All of this. It happened so soon. I just want to give him a home and I can't even seem to do that". 

Gojo sighed. It was his fault and you were blaming yourself. "It's not your fault. You have done a great job bringing him up on your own. You don't have to do it all alone anymore. Let me help you when I can". 

You smiled and nodded your head. 

Gojo smiled and kept a piece of spinach on top of your rice. "for now eat this. I read that the new mothers have iron deficiency and usually it goes unchecked until it's too late. Let's go for a check up tomorrow".

You watched him with your mouth agape. "Where did you read this?".

Gojo's cheeks turned pink. "On a blog called daddy and me". 

"I don't want to go for a check up". You replied and shoved the food in your mouth. 

Gojo hummed. "Why not?". 

You chewed your food and kept your eyes fixed on the table.

"Y/n, why don't you want to go for a check up?".  Gojo pressed on. He could read you like an open book. 

You swallowed painfully and looked at him. You knew that sooner or later you will have to tell him. Will he get angry? Will he get mad at you?

"I don't want to"

"Why not?". Gojo asked calmly.

You sighed in frustration. "Because I don't want to! Isn't that enough?". You asked angrily. 

"No it's not!". Gojo replied. "God y/n! You could keep your favorite color from me ',if you want to, but this.." Gojo's voice dropped. "...this seems serious and as your husband and the father of our child I have the right to know ". 

You sighed. "Fine but try not to make a big deal out of it, okay?".

Gojo stared at you blankly. Since when did you get so rude? "Fine". He replied. 

"Keisuke was born perfectly fine. But after delivering him". You looked down at your hands in your lap. "I didn't stop bleeding for quite some time. I had lost too much blood and doctors weren't sure if I'd even make it. But fortunately, they were able to control the bleeding but I was unconscious for a day".  

There was a heavy silence between the two of you. Gojo was shaking but he remained calm on the surface. You had gone through so much and yet you didn't reach out to him? Did you hate him that much? Was he that bad of a person?

"Because of that I have postpartum anemia. Usually it improves in two months but it hasn't in my case". You kept your eyes fixed in your lap.

Gojo let out a heavy breath and leaned back in the chair. How was he ever going to fix the mess he made? He was angry. He was hurt. But he knew he deserved it. 

"But I assure you that Keisuke is fine and you can see his reports". You tried to explain. 

"It's not just about Keisuke,y/n. You are just as important to me as he is. I..I don't know what to say… Fine. We'll still go to a doctor and get a consultation. For my sake, please?". He didn't want to force you anymore than he already had. He could only please and pray that you listen to him.  

"Fine". You replied with a smile. Sometimes you have to let go of control.

Since there was no crib yet, Keisuke slept in between you and Gojo on the bed. He was deep in his sleep surrounded by his toys. Both you and Gojo looked at him sleeping with his mouth open slightly. You bent down and kissed his head good night and so did Gojo. As you closed your eyes and tried to get a much needed sleep, Gojo couldn't bring himself to sleep. A part of him was scared that if he closed his eyes then all of this would vanish. He looked at his son and then at you. Gojo knew that you were strong and capable and he was going to give you the freedom to decide what you wanted to do but a part of him, the part that lurked in the shadows, the part that made him the infamous ice Prince, that part reminded him that you were too precious to be out in the world alone. You were too kind. Too delicate. Too good to be out in this dark dark world. There were some really bad people out there and as your husband, as your lover, as the father of your child, he was going to protect you, shield you from everything. If you want to fight then he will let you fight. If you wanted to hurt him then he would let you hurt him. But he was not going to let you go. In this world you were his salvation. You were his sun and the moon. You were his'. 

-X-

You woke up the next day to see Keisuke cooing next to you. "Good morning baby". You spoke in your baby voice You smiled and kissed him. Keisuke giggled. "Did you sleep well? Of course you did! You didn't wake up mama once. My good boy". You peppered his face with kisses. 

You frowned when you saw a beautiful bouquet of white dahlias. You smiled and propped up on one elbow and picked up the bouquet. It was beautiful. There was a note attached to it,

Good morning love! 

Come down for breakfast!

You rolled your eyes at the pet name. Stubborn and annoying and too sweet. You fed and changed Keisuke and freshened up and changed into one of your own dresses. The only problem, you didn't know where the kitchen was. You got out of the bedroom and made your way to the elevator. A note was stuck on the door.

"You don't know where the kitchen is? Go down the elevator and turn left". With the note was another flower, white Chrysanthemum.

Is this what he spent the whole morning on? "Look at what your dad is up to?". You kept the note and the flower in your dress pockets and went down the elevator. When you got out you took a left turn and a help handed you another note. 

You rolled your eyes and chuckled. "He could have just asked you to take me there". You joke but the girl kept her head bowed down. 

You frowned and adjusted Keisuke in your arm. "Hey..Look at me. Are you okay?". You said. 

The girl looked up hesitantly. The moment your eyes met she looked down again. Did Gojo ask her to do this? "Look, I don't care what anyone else has told you but when you talk to me or help me, you look at me". You said. 

"Yes ma'am". She replied and looked up. She looked slightly younger than you. 

"Why didn't you look before?". You asked. 

"I was told not to". 

"By who?". You demanded. 

"Ms.Yuri". She replied. 

You bit your lip and took a deep breath. "What's your name?". 

"Nia…ma'am". 

"Nia". You spoke softly. The girl looked terrified and you didn't want to scare her more. "you don't answer to Yuri. Okay? If she does or says anything to you, you tell me okay?". 

Nia smiled and nodded her head. "Yes ma'am". She handed you the note and another chrysanthemum. 

You looked at the note, 

I can't see you now but I'm sure you look beautiful. Hurry up now. I'm waiting for you

"Looks like you were supposed to take me there". 

Nia nodded her head and led you. 

You walked in an open kitchen facing the backyard and a dining table. The air was warm and smelled of freshly baked cookies. 

"Good morning!". Gojo yelled as soon as he saw you walk in. He walked over and wrapped you and Keisuke in his arms. This was the first time you were this close to him. Even Gojo was taken aback by his actions but he went with it. He was holding his whole world in his arms and he was not going to apologize for it. He could feel you stiffen and then relax and smiled when you did not push him back. 

He felt warm. His white button down shirt smelled of cookies and you felt safe. Even Keisuke seemed to have relaxed in your arms. You wanted to hold him but had Keisuke in your arms so you just let him hold you instead. You liked this feelin.  

Gojo kissed Keisuke and stepped back. “Look what I have here”. Gojo spoke excitedly and brought a baby rocker from under the table. “It’s perfect for 1-3 months old”. Gojo continued.

You looked at him, he looked happy, excited. You returned his smile and bent down to put Keisuke in. You were thankful for this as he was getting heavier and your arms hurt a little.

“When did you wake up?”. You asked Gojo. 

Gojo looked at Keisuke and both of them exchanged a look of secrecy. Gojo didn’t sleep for more than three hours last night. Keisuke woke up every two hours and Gojo walked around the room holding him, trying to put him to sleep. At one point, both of them watched youtube videos on how to put babies to sleep. It worked but only for two hours. Gojo understood that it was because of the new environment but he didn’t want to wake you up. You had traveled a lot and needed the rest.

“I woke up a few hours ago”. Gojo replied casually. 

“You woke up at six?”. Your eyes widened. 

No. He woke up at 5 because he wanted to go to the florist and hand pick the best flowers for you. “Yeah. around that time”. Gojo chuckled. “Now sit down and let me serve you your breakfast”. 

You rolled your eyes and took your seat at the table. Gojo brought a huge tray of the most elaborate breakfast you had ever seen. Green smoothies, warm oats and honey, fruits cut in heart shape, blueberry pancakes, waffles and whipped cream. 

“I can’t eat all this”. You chuckled. 

Gojo smiled. Your smile had all the tiredness leaving his body. “It’s fine. Have as much as you can just don't forget the smoothie. I read that this spinach smoothie is great for mothers with iron deficiency”.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. "You and your daddy and me blog". 

You smiled and started the breakfast with Gojo. The morning sun filtered through the large windows and as you discussed the shopping list with Gojo,With Kisuke’s toy tune playing in the background, you realized that this was what you wanted when you were a child. A loving home. Breakfast table conversation about the day ahead, flowers  and fruits on the table, someone to look at you how Gojo was looking at you right now. It was peaceful. It was your own little world. Somewhere in the background Keisuke giggled, making both you and Gojo smile and shake your head. You watched as Gojo bent down and played with him. You didn’t know whether he loved you or not, you didn’t know if his words could be trusted when it came to you, but you knew that he loved your son. He would never let anything happen to Keisuke. So was it fair for you to take all of this away from him? You couldn’t live without Keisuke, Gojo couldn’t live without Keisuke, but could both of you live together? You had a month to decide and Gojo had a month to prove himself.

@hiqhkey @chemtrails-club @simplyrosesxr @foggyperfectiondragon @sofi786 @vesta-ro @kimvmarvel @mykyoon @shintin @attackonsimpp @pyschopotatomeme @lilith412426 @shuxjodie @sagejin @cloudsinthecosmos @hecateria @froggylust @lightblueexorcist @watyousayin @creolequeen11210 @s13nnnna @shartnart1 @the-crane-wives @musababy @loquia @ackerstain @allofffmypeaches @regalillegal @erintaro @commandertorinshepard @gojo-sunglasses @tspice283 @iam-mia9 @screwyou3 @denypipa @smolkazumi @winter-bearv @mc-reborn @pangolynnn @sindela @daintyazra @purpleguk @iam-mia9 @sammyiguess

[pixiemage]

I deal with ADHD on a daily basis, meaning I struggle with multiple (frustrating) things. There's one in particular that's been on my mind the most as of late: it's difficult for me to complete large tasks easily. For me, motivation, mental energy, and time are limited, and those rare moments where it all lines up so I can get shit done are often few and far between. This applies to both things I don't want to do, and things I do want to do. Even writing or cosplay construction or editing videos can become daunting tasks even though they're all fun and enjoyable hobbies of mine.

Recently, I've been trying to clean my room.

As anyone in my immediate family can tell you, this has been a big problem since I was young. My room starts clean, but then I put a few pairs of shoes by my bed, then don't have the energy to deal with the growing laundry pile, then can't find a place for the new mic stand I got for my birthday, then I start dumping jewelry on my bedside table at the end of the day when I'm tired, then - then - then. And then it builds to a disastrous tipping point and it has become this massive, incomprehensible task I have to tackle, and because my brain hates me, it's a frustrating and grueling process to even figure out where to begin.

But deadlines help (pressure helps) and I have found that working on it in the wee hours of the morning (from midnight to like 5am) is somehow a way to get my brain to focus on it. For some reason I work better then. Arguably, this isn't logical or useful every day because I need sleep and I have work, but I made MASSIVE progress two days ago by staying up way too late on a night when I finally found the drive to get shit done.

That's not really the point of this post though.

The point is that I've found that a majority of society (or maybe just the NT community in general) have a hard time seeing progress as worthwhile when completion is better.

"Did you finish your room?" "Not yet, but I dealt with that massive pile of crap on my couch! It's SO much better, and I can actually see the floor in front of my dresser now, and-" "That's not what I asked. Did you finish?" "Not yet." "The answer is no, then."

It doesn't matter how much I've done. It doesn't matter how proud I am of my partial progress. It doesn't matter that I fought tooth and nail to get to the point I'm at, because unfortunately, I haven't finished it all yet, so it's not good enough.

(And I know I have a deadline, and I know we have family coming over soon, and I know that being done is the goal, but the deadline isn't here yet. Give me time. I need time.)

I think we as a society need to award and praise ourselves more for the efforts we put in, whether we reached a finish line or not. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for completion, because at the end of the day that's often the goal of any task. But we should also let ourselves be proud of how far we have come as long as we're doing our best. I don't see that often enough. I continuously struggle to reach that finish line, but hey, I came this far today! I didn't reach Toad so he could tell me my princess was in another castle (because god knows there's always another task), but I did hit that checkpoint, and since I've been struggling through this level for as long as I have, that's still worth celebrating in some small way. It's still worth all the coins I collected and the goons I defeated to get to this point.

Don't reprimand your kids because their hard work thus far doesn't quite live up to your standards. Applaud what they've done and then help them find the right next step so they're motivated to keep going.

It takes a lot of work to save a princess. The journey has a lot more monsters than just the dragon.

[velvetlilacsdaisies]

Good morning😮‍💨🩷 (it’s 4:45pm and I’m waking up for work lmfao)

But I want to get out some updates today bc the next couple weeks I will be extremely busy w my personal life with Easter and the start of my spring/summer plans fiasco!! 🐣🪺

Houskeepinggg WIP bc I’ve gained a lot of new follower in the last few days!

Part 2 to Flames & Weapons w/ @garricks4thwingqueen

Hehehe so excited for it bc this fic is so self indulgent and it’s fun to write about the other bits of the Empyrean series and having to world build

Part 5 to Shit at Feelings

Again I’m so excited for everything, but I��ve had bits and pieces drafted for this part and they can finally come together and collide for this Uber angsty part. SPOILERS goes back to canon plot line of Iron Flame ish

Ridoc x Dain’s little sister imagine

I had a Valentine’s Day theme and wanted to post around then, but better late than never?? My time management is out the window but I love the concept—I still want to post it when I can get to it

Headcannons: nicknames for him part 2 ft Dain and Ridoc & a smutty one ft. Possibly all men

Kinda struggle w HCs lowkey lmfao. My brain is just always too much w details and can’t get straight to the point

Liam Mairi smut

I’ve been cooking on this one for a whileeee 😮‍💨 since I read fourth wing last year actually

Fourth Wing AU fic

I’m researching for this one bc one: new to the hockey world(I’m a devote football girly, but I love sports bc I can hoot and holler), trying to be realistic when I write this and am waiting to finish SaF series first before committing to another fic. What I will tell you all it is going to include bc I’m considering writing from multiple character’s POV (canon x non canon)

Brother’s best friend trope, enemies to lovers, and my usual platonic friendship banter 😅

A surprise imagine

I’m not giving details about this one yet sorryyyyy

Garrick Tavis smut

A request for my dear friend, Al 🫶🏻

The rebrand of my ACOTAR era

Like i said i came back on tumblr as an ACOTAR girly original account was @k-daydreams , and actually was able to get into my old account that for past several months i was locked out of (my list of passwords go crazy oopsie), but im going to bring all my fics I posted on there to this acc

Anyway if you read this or made it this far… that’s all I got for now! Thank you for enjoying the work I put out sm! And always feel free to yap w me bc that really motivates me and strikes inspiration in my scrambled eggs brain 🤭🫶🏻

Love yewwwww ✨

[thegaybluejay]

Okay hi I’m back with another ramble-y ATLA character analysis since this is low key my brand on here lmao-

Today I want to talk about Zuko from the lens of someone who also had to deconstruct. This will be long, but please bear with me!

I was raised in a very white conservative evangelical Christian bubble where literally EVERYONE I knew for the majority of my childhood and teenage years thought mostly the same way. There was a lot of othering and shaming of anyone who thought too differently. Even if it was sometimes said more passively than cruelly, there was always that underlying tone. “The others/the people outside of our group/the worldly ones are lost and need our help because we’re better than them!”

While I strived to not be cruel, my beliefs were still harmful. I lost a few friends when I got to my mid-late teenage years because I didn’t yet know how to challenge what I’d been taught.

I see so much of myself in Zuko.

Zuko was surrounded by propaganda his entire life. He was steeped in it - steeped in the blood of those that the system he supported/represented had hurt and killed.

Anger is a huge part of all of this. While my anger was never quite as outward as Zuko’s (I hid it fairly well and was always known as the “pretty good kid”), I can still so heavily relate to his anger. His anger at always falling just short of being good enough or perfect enough. His later anger at himself for not understanding how fucked up the system was sooner. His anger at the people that failed and hurt him. His anger at realizing how he failed and hurt other people. All of it.

I also understand his backslides in Book 2 and early Book 3. When you begin tackling the first layers of harmful shit you’ve been taught, it can quickly become so tempting to just call it quits and go back. You almost start to romanticize the simplicity of life before you began this journey. The rules and goals were so straightforward back then, and deconstructing is messy as hell. Even if you were deeply hurting in your old life, at least you weren’t so damn confused. You used to know your next steps, but now everything is in disarray and you don’t have a direction to rebuild in yet. Going back almost feels like it would be a survival tactic, a way to have a sense of control again. Zuko definitely 100% needed to atone for what he did in Ba Sing Se because it hurt others, and while I’d like to think I would’ve made a different choice in his shoes, I also get it on some level. The confusion stage sucks, and it’s not always linear either.

But then.

One day, something just clicks. You eventually deconstruct enough that you truly come to full terms with how fucked up it all is. And you realize that you don’t belong there anymore, and the version of you that DID belong was just a facade. The blinders fully come off, they’re never going back on, and a spark lights in you that prompts you to make a big change. The deeper you go, the more urgent this deconstruction becomes in your mind because holy fuck I have to do something about this. I want this shit out of my brain for good and I want to help make things better. I want to learn who I am and finally live that out.

THAT is one of the most pivotal points in the journey, and I loved seeing it within Zuko’s arc when he comes to this realization after the war meeting in Book 3 and leaves to join the Gaang. I also loved that they didn’t trust him the first time he came to them - both he as an individual and the system that he had once supported/represented had hurt these people, and it took some real apologies and some time to build up trust. It also wasn’t done with half assed centrism either - it was “I acknowledge that this system is completely broken and wrong and I will do everything in my power to help gut it from the top-down and restore it with love”.

This leads to another pivotal point in the journey - instead of being motivated by fear like you were when you were deep in the indoctrination or by the raw anger you first felt as you initially left, you start to be motivated by love. And it’s the most freeing thing.

It was so cool to see Zuko learn that, while his anger was a helpful tool (ie: the confrontation with his father and his overall anger at the corruption he saw in his nation), he couldn’t be fueled by it any longer. He had to find another motivation to keep going, and he was then taught by the Sun Warriors and the dragons how to be motivated by light and life and love and also how to use those alongside an anger that was finally righteous.

And with this, he was ready to fight. To fight for a cause he knew to be good. To fight arm in arm with his newly acquired family. To fight to fix what his nation had done to the world and to itself. To fight for love and peace instead of division and hate and destruction.

And wow is it a beautiful journey.

TL;DR - Zuko’s story is so powerful to those who are deconstructing and I love him so much! I also just enjoy doing character analysis hehe.

(I really love talking about ATLA, so if y’all want me to analyze other characters or even plotlines through a specific lens, feel free to submit an Ask and I will happily do so!!!)

(Also, quick ending note - this is just my personal experience with deconstruction! Other people’s retelling of their own deconstructions may be different from mine, and that’s totally okay!!)

[philosophicalscribe]

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (no pressure though! positivity is cool)💛

It's my first-time detailed interaction with anyone on Tumblr :)

Thank you @pxasee for asking this question.

Five things I like about myself, hmm, an introspective one. Let's dive into it.

I am flexible:

People often want to know your personality, people often want to know your views, how you think, your opinions and everything. One thing I love about myself is that I'm humble enough to appear dumb, and I amend my views on things when I get new perspectives and concrete data about things. This has allowed me to learn, unlearn, relearn and grow.

External motivations are not central in my life:

They can be peripheral but never something I'll sell my soul for. I don't believe in the mindset of staying unhappy and ungrateful till you reach the end goal. External pursuits often make you attached to the outcome and you don't follow your pursuits as you'd play your favourite video game :), you often want to get something out of it. It might make you feel anxious, fearing the outcome etc. I'm glad I could overcome that mindset.

Process orientation:

Neurobiologists and often ancient philosophers have always talked about how being in the present and being process orientated works to your benefit.

However, it's hard to believe that when you're younger and chase those goals with a toxic mindset. I've learnt to enjoy the effort part of the process, be it studying, writing a book or poetry, when you expect less or rather, I should say, when you forget about how you're going to get the perfect solution and focus on the process, you often get, create and achieve the best results.

Appreciation for small efforts and gratitude towards life.

I see, in the past three points, I've been mentioning wisdom more than what I like about myself, well! I like these things about myself because, they are not the things I just read from a book but something I lived with, changes I made in myself to foster self-love yet again, and a major thing that helped me with loving myself without getting rude and egoistic to others is the appreciation for small things and efforts in life.

Be it waking up five minutes late in the morning or not getting all the tasks of the day completed, appreciating the smallest efforts has made me the best friend of my inner child. I can finally say that I forgive and move forward with the work I do, and it has helped me with loving myself, sticking to the process and living a more fulfilled life.

I love the imperfect you, the imperfect me and the imperfect world.

Have you heard the hero stories? Spiderman, Batman or anyone, there was never a plot in these stories where these heroes didn't want to get out of those cosy bedsheets and blankets on a Sunday morning. Growing up, I've idealized these things, making perfect study plans, trying to be the perfect student and whatnot. All this to end up at a place where I didn't work unless everything was perfect. I'd skip entire chapters while studying and sometimes entire days because I couldn't make it 100% perfect.

Forgiving myself and loving myself for being imperfect have helped me a lot. I could finally stop yelling at my inner child for not doing that assignment to the end edge of perfection or getting irritated with the mistakes of those around me, which used to be a toxic part of me while growing up. This helped me see how much I can appreciate my parents, myself and those around me when I don't seek a perfect package of outcomes.

Bonus:

I love the broken story I've. I guess, everyone has those when you fail, get rejected, and don't perform up to the expectations you and others hold for and from you. Forgiving yourself has always been wisdom, whatever you're today, wouldn't be just because of what good things happened to you while you forget the bad things. So, accepting those mistakes without grudges is a greater one.

Your darkest nightmares often craft the beautiful sides of you, be it empathy for that dumb kid in the classroom or a poet who sees through all the emotions. So yeah, those scars are a part of you and that's what makes you, "The You" and that "YOU" is awesome. 🌻

- Ashi.

@philosophicalscribe .

[damnation-if]

on today's episode of Hashing Out Concepts Theatre, i spent a while today while waiting for my new fridge/freezer to be installed after my previous one died and i lost all my food hashing out a bunch of concepts for another game idea i have. (rest assured i'm not actually working on it as a game yet i just like to bash out a framework for things every now and then to make my brain do happy chemicals lmao)

putting all of this stuff under a cut since it's a bunch of images and also in case people aren't interested XD

i am regrettably a huge fan of comic books (mostly DC) and i've seen a couple of comic book inspired IFs popping up lately, though when it comes to my own interest, i'm definitely more into a straight interpretation of a comic book universe than a more. the boys-style universe - i'm into the camp lol, not so much the grim and gritty stuff. (though that's just my own personal preference)

anyway the idea behind That's Just Super is something that i really like about certain comics - giving the villains more of a purpose and rounded existence than just existing to be in somebody's rogue's gallery. the joker's angry defence of the batfamily from various other DC evil forces, lex luthor's furious resistance against brainiac alongside superman because it's His planet, damn it, DOOM throwing in with the heroes in every second marvel event comic... i really like stories where villains and evil characters don't always make the Most Evil choice just Because, but have clear and explainable motivations that sometimes bring them into what we'd consider a 'good' alignment because unlike in d&d, there's no real such thing as a concrete moral alignment.

(this is my banner design for it)

the basic idea is that an inexplicable cosmic event removes all of the superheroes from the planet, leaving it vulnerable to attack by evil mindflayer style aliens - unless the supervillains who remain are able to band together despite their more unpredictable, less cooperative natures and save the planet in the heroes' absence. after all... if aliens take over the earth, the villains can't take it over themselves.

here's my fun little UI design idea lmao...

the other major thing about That's Just Super that i've been hashing out is the pc. the basic idea is that you pick your villain identity from a list but you get to customise their like. birth name and secret identity, while the villain identity comes with its own name, costume, and set history (including occasionally past romantic encounters). i like playing around with the way that IF works with the idea of mcs and customisable mcs so i just thought it'd be a fun twist... it also allows me to create nice drama by having set occurrences in the past lol.

so i did some profiles for the nine villain options - three each of the DC triad of tech/metahuman/magic origin. they're all based on a specific kind of villain archetype, and i really tried to limit myself to ones where i could definitely pin down more than one specific influence so it didn't end up like me just making too many analogues haha... even if some of the influences are probably pretty obvious.

weirdly i haven't even Thought about ROs yet since i've been so focussed on the pc... maybe i'll play around with the partially set background idea even more and only have 1 possible RO for each villain choice or something. maybe a couple that you can romance as anybody... not sure. (talionis could definitely have a messy broken romance with his superhero for example)

apologies that readability isn't great but these are mostly just made for me lmao

[shesbackagain]

Omg !! Thank you thank you thank you!! For answering! You are such an Angel!😭🩷🩷! When I ask most girls, they don’t reply 😭! So thank you so much!

I have an okay butt! But only due to genetics too🥲(thank you family 🫶🏾) ! But lately, it’s been looking a little less firm. So I’ve been working out since august of last year! And finally! I’m seeing some progress! Barely you know. It’s taken me on such a roller coaster of emotions and self doubt if I should even go to the gym 😭 but thank goodness I did not give up! I’ve been waking up at 5 am to go!! Changing my eating habits, and eating less processed foods/ incorporating a bit of protein! And it’s finally paying off 😭!

So! When I stumbled upon your blog and absolutely wow! You are beyond inspiring! You are so pretty!😭🩷. (Please I’m not a creep, I swear they’re compliments 😭) like your cake is so firm and perky, and lifted! And the shape is just wow! Like my mouth dropped when I saw your pictures! You are so so beautiful! ✨.

My upper body isn’t the best either 😅🥲. But i prioritize it just because I have too😭. But I’ll incorporate more of the hip abduction/adduction, and hyperextension!! I usually avoid those because I’m so shy to use the machines 😭😂. Like I usually grab my weights and bar and go into a little corner of a room! But I’ll give them a try!💪🏼.

Same here I don’t have a fixed workout plan either! And you are absolutely so right about not seeing how far we’ve come with seeing what our body can endure. Or do workouts that used to be difficult at the beginning, but know they’ve become easier🩷 Like it just made sense to me, that I’ve been working out since august of 2023! And barely this month is where I have felt at my happiest and lightest emotionally. My body can finally keep up 😭. My body is looking different and I love how I’m changing physically 🥹.

But thank you so much for answering my ask! It means so much to me! I’m so sorry I’m like spilling my emotions here 😅. It just means a lot. And you are absolutely so nice and sweet and you look good!😁🩷

By any chance,(sorry to bother 🥲) would you mind sharing what your protein intake? 🩷 is it mostly through foods, or are you also taking a specific protein powder? 😯

No worries! I'm happy to help in any way I can 🤗

Congrats on those 8 months going to the gym!!!!!!!!!!🎉🎉🎉 You should be proud of yourself for sticking with it 😊😊😊 I'm a newbie too, I've started going to the gym on September 23' 💪

I know it's hard to keep going because I felt so anxious and dumb and out of place at the beginning of this journey 🫣 so I'm happy for you and myself haha creating a habit is difficult!!!!!! 😤

I'm glad you are finally seeing progress and it's a big part of staying motivated to keep working out and eat more home cooked meals and all the healthy stuff we try to do even if we don't succeed all the time 😂

Thank you for the compliments I appreciate them 💖

Today I did some upper body workout and ugh 😩 it's always like 'am I doing enough?' because I don't feel that strong haha my goal is to do pull ups one day 🙌🙌🙌🙌

You should try those exercises, I know I'm shy too and sometimes I don't want to be in front of everyone but I suck it up and do it and to be honest I've been saying to myself that I'll try squats on the Smith machine for ages and I haven't had the courage to do it yet just to not make a fool of myself 🫣🥲 so I get it

About the protein intake I couldn't tell because the only thing I do is to be more mindful of what I eat and I try to eat a good amount of protein with every meal. But yes, I use protein powder too, sometimes I have a protein shake with some fruit or baked oats with the protein powder or with yogurt but mostly when I think that I haven't eaten that much protein or if I have had workout that day. What I've been told is that if you're trying to gain muscle you should eat around 2 grams per kilo of protein depending on your weight 🤓

(I take myprotein whey powder)

Thank you for sharing your gym story with me ☺️

[moltenwrites]

OC QUESTIONNAIRE TAG GAME

Haven’t done a tag game in a while eh? Sorry about that, life’s been a lil silly lately, I haven’t had time ( or energy ) to do much here lately, but I’ll try to be better!

Thanks @the-golden-comet @willtheweaver and @thatuselesshuman for the tag! This game is simple, just answer the questions from your character(s) perspective. I’ll be answering from Res, Salazar, and Asims perspective today.

Who do you trust the most?

Res - Lyra. Shes been nothing but loyal.

Salazar - I’ve had my trust broken one too many times. I once trusted Fabio with my life, and you can see how that turned out.

Asim - Myself. Even Astera, I can’t trust her with everything. Maybe someday.

Where would you live, if you could choose?

Res - As far away from this shithole as possible. I’d love to live in a kingdom with no connection to ours.

Salazar - Well- I haven’t thought of this much, I don’t often have the ability to settle down. But Itchzak has always been my home, so there.

Asim - Anywhere Astera is happy would make me happy, but if she was open to it, I would like somewhere more rural, though still with a good population.

What keeps you motivated?

Res - I can’t let Exodus get away with it.

Salazar - To make this world fair, its abhorrent way of treating those that call it home is unacceptable. And I am the only one who appears to have the power to fix it.

Asim - In my art, it was the first day I met Astera. I scaled up my projects after I met her, something about her just- no, I can’t discuss this now. I hope my answer was sufficient!

What is your dream job?

Res - I’ve never had a green thumb, but a life as a farmer, or perhaps an artist, would be peaceful. I think that could be nice.

Salazar - Ruling. It is the only way I can change this world

Asim - A painter of course! I love the arts, though I must admit my skills are subpar?

What do you plan for the future?

Res - To make it to tomorrow.

Salazar - If I can, I’d love to make a truly fair world. Currently, I must try to reclaim the throne.

Asim - Uh, well I know it’s a bit sudden, and it is embarrassing, but marrying Astera would make me happy to a degree I find unthinkable.

How many languages can you speak?

Res - 1. Education was never Itchzaks strong suit, and we couldn’t afford it even if it was available.

Salazar - I find force to be the most effective language, but I only speak in English.

Asim - I took Latin in college, though I must admit I’m a bit rusty.

What is one hobby you have that may surprise others?

Res - I don’t have much time for hobbies anymore, but I used to cook for fun on occasion

Salazar - I’ve never quite had the talent, but music has always been fascinating to me!

Asim - I write the occasional poem!

What is one possession you wouldn’t part with, no matter what?

Res - My knife, it was a gift from someone I lost, and it is a reminder to keep living.

Salazar - I find gifts to be fleeting. Once you lose your body, you find that there is not much you must hold on to

Asim - Astera bought me a paintbrush, I couldn’t bear to lose that, at least not before I use it.

What is one supernatural ability you wish you had?

Res - To speak to the dead, there are some people I just need to talk to one more time-

Salazar - Well, aside from the power to correct this world, mind reading would be a blessing. It would greatly help to judge intent in fairness.

Asim - Healing, it would help me in nearly all aspects of my life.

How long does it take before you trust someone?

Res - I probably trust easier than I should, but the people in my life have been overwhelmingly kind.

Salazar - As I recited earlier, I have had my trust broken too many times. Never again.

Asim - I don’t think I’ve trusted anyone fully yet. Trust can push them away.

How bad do you feel about lying to others?

Res - Its a necessary evil, I don’t mind all too much.

Salazar - I am a man of my word, I find lying to be quite unfair

Asim - Sometimes it’s better for people to be left in the dark.

What is one good you could always eat and never get tired of?

Res - I like steak a lot, I don’t get to have it often, but from those moments I could eat it every day.

Salazar - Hm, well as odd as it sounds, I’ve always found grapes delectable.

Asim - I always liked pork chops, they have such a perfect flavor when seasoned correctly!

Annnd that’s all of em, wow that took a minute! If you wanna do this,here are your questions!

1. What place means the most to you?

2. What is the most fun you’ve ever had?

3. Have you ever been betrayed?

Tag list, let me know if you wanna be added or removed

@thatuselesshuman @ddgraywrites @juliana-jones @revenantlore @aintgonnatakethis

@yourpenpaldee @illarian-rambling @autism-purgatory @gioiaalbanoart @the-letterbox-archives

@theverumproject @noxxytocin @joseph-hooser @mk-writes-stuff @yrndrgn

@theslpr

+ Open, as always

[basuralindo]

WIP Wednesday/chapter teaser, at long last

"You know, Floyd, I never understood before what it means when people say 'you're lucky that you're cute', but I think I am starting to."

     Jamil bent to kiss his fingers; softly, discreetly, like cash slipped into a handshake. "You put me through extra trouble with having to track you down like this, you know. But, if you get yourself cleaned up and come to the meeting along with Jade and Azul tonight, I'll forgive it."

     Floyd frowned. "That's why you were looking for me? That's hours away, I woulda come back in time. It ain't like I forgot, you know…"

     Jamil cocked an eyebrow. "We have an hour and a half, and it's a formal meeting. You'll need time to get dressed."

     {How the fuck is it that late already??}

     Floyd kept the thought to himself, and settled for blowing a raspberry about it. "That's still plenty time, you didn't need to worry. Actually…"

     A thought struck him, and he sidled closer to drape an arm around Jamil. "If you're that worried about it Seasnake, you could always come an' clean me up yourself~"

     "Floyd…" Jamil warned halfheartedly, the tone of command in his voice making Floyd shiver all the same.

     "I'm just sayin'," he pressed, leaning down to murmur in Jamil's ear, "If you want me to behave, you might need to come by an' keep me in line yourself…~"

     Jamil's breath hitched, and he released it in an exasperated little sigh like he thought Floyd wouldn't notice. Deny it though he might, he didn't bother trying to remove Floyd's arm from his shoulders yet.

     "Much as I would love to help motivate you…" he murmured back, his tone so seductive that it was clearly a taunt, "That is not how today will be going."

     Floyd opened his mouth to complain but Jamil interrupted at the first note of a whine, twisting out from under his arm to face him. 

     "What if I make you a deal," Jamil purred, tracing fingers over the strip of Floyd's chest that his open buttons left exposed. "If you behave yourself tonight, and the deal goes through and we are officially allied, then I will have more time and excuses to visit you, and I will see to it that we get some real privacy together, hmm?"

     Soft pulses of electricity emanated from Jamil's touch, making Floyd's skin tingle in waves. It was …persuasive, that was for sure. Floyd found himself caught between wanting to do whatever the man said, and really not feeling patient enough to wait.

     A faint barrier of magic prevented him from leaning in too close, but Floyd managed to crane his neck so their mouths nearly touched. 

     "You know…" he said in a low voice, "You doing shit like that ain't makin' it any easier for me to hold back, right~?"

[acknowledgetheabsurd]

Thursday, 1:30 in the afternoon [February 16, 1950] I return from the radio - I had left this morning all lit up by the sky and the sun of Cabris. Your letter of Tuesday made me very happy and when I say that rain, fog and cold are no match for you I am not entirely wrong. Isn't it so? My poor darling! How you would feel exiled in the middle of the gray moors of Brittany! And yet how bright and warm the sun is there! And how you would love the sea there, changing, wild and furious! Yes, it was fine this morning. Last night, the solucamphre shot had its effect on my father's condition and he was a little calmer when I came home. I went to bed, exhausted after a long day of anxiety and nerves. I slept for nine hours. I woke up full of courage. It was grey outside, but when I left the François-I studio, the whole of Paris seemed to be glowing with spring. Alas! The news at home did not match the weather. The doctor had come - his worries are confirmed and this afternoon or tomorrow he must take another doctor with him, Professor [Gisoux] to consult. 

I'm with Dad now. He is already delirious almost continuously and his fatigue is such that any small movement becomes impossible for him to carry out. That's where we are for the moment. When will we get the serum? You can imagine how much trouble I'm going to get from going to the Frenchman. But what do you want? I promised, and I promised to please Georges Leroy [sic]* whom I like. As for the choice, it was he himself who suggested to me to play the prayer of Esther, which annoys me, but which he finds that I say it well that he likes it. Personally, I don't care. This national scene freezes me to such an extent that I even think it is better to say an indifferent text there than any page that I care about. It's a chore in itself, but right now it's torture. I too often hear the music of The Third Man. For me, it represents your absence in the same way that La Vie en rose or [La Seine] represent you near me. I like the waltz better, too. I am leaving you, my darling. I will try this evening to add some words here. Forgive me for being a little distracted. See you later, my love.

6 o'clock in the afternoon Oh, how cruel the weather is! It is a bright day outside. Birds are singing on my balcony. A barrel organ in the street. I can't read, write or do anything. I walk from my father's room to mine like a shadow. For 1 hour and 30 minutes I have been trying to make him eat. I haven't managed to do it yet. He has just been given his shot. Maybe it will calm him down again and allow him to swallow something liquid. He hasn't been able to take anything since yesterday. Ah, what a misery!

Half past midnight When I got home I learned that Dad had tried to get up and take two steps in his room to - oh, never mind! The fact is that he fell and Juan and Angeles ran in, alerted by the noise, and found him in the middle of a pond of water on the ground, without a gesture or a word. They changed his pajamas and carried him to his bed. Now he is exhausted. I changed his sweaty knit and jacket again as he let himself be done like a doll. I am terribly impressed. May the day of tomorrow erase these hours gone by today. My darling, I love you. I would like to speak to you about happiness, and not to tell you all this horror, but I cannot be happy at this moment and I must always tell you everything so that you understand my condition and my letters. I love you with all my soul.

Friday morning 10:30 am I have just received your letter and I want to add a few words to mine before it leaves. Finally, my darling, how could you think lately that I had other ulterior motives than the one that told me something had happened between you and F[rancine]. Are you crazy? Don't you understand what I'm telling you between the lines? When I asked you to tell me everything, my love, just wanted to talk about the effect all these events had on your life. That's all. I didn't imagine anything else, and when I spoke of madness - now I can say it freely - I was thinking of what actually happened, which I learned today by your letter. Your plan to travel when you returned had confirmed my fears and the tone of your letters left me with almost no doubt. How could I have imagined anything else at that moment? Last night, even when I begged you here to love me - I afraid that the pain, the sorrow, the grief you are in will take you away from me. This is my only selfishness. Apart from that, I don't know what I would do for F[rancine]'s happiness, apart from the peace it might bring you. 

My poor darling, what a life you must have! What days! Oh, can't you try to soften all this? Can't you erase and start again? I may be crazy, but I think I'm ready to bear anything to see you happy and that as long as I know you and see you near me, I am capable of any existence. Oh, my love, my poor love, my dear dear love! What to do? I love you. Calm yourself. Get some rest. I will write to you at length this afternoon. I kiss you with all my soul**.

Maria Casarès to Albert Camus, Correspondance, February 16, 1950 [#197]

* Maria Casarès is to take part in Georges Le Roy's farewell party at the Comédie-Française on February 17, 1950, during which she intends to recite the scene from Esther. ** Maria Casarès' father died on Friday, February 17, 1950.