#i am an asshole but genuinely this has been such a big part of my life for a very long time so i still feel really attached to it

[artdcnaldson]

In part 2 you mentioned Patrick x reader having makeup sex after they got into stupid argument…. Can we get a flashback to one of those moments🤭🤭 domestic Patrick starting an argument with reader and reader calling him out about it but they end up making up in a cute way. Like Patrick making it up in a corny but cute way??? Just a suggestion, part 2 was amazing btw!

Rating: T

Warnings: just a minor argument, language ofc

A/N: thank youuuu!!! No smut in this little blurb, just a snapshot of domestic Patrick x reader in the changeover au 🫶🫶🫶

Also working on art x reader first time and also Patrick x reader first I love you blurbs for the changeover au :) so those will be coming sooooon

It was easy to let the stupid arguments devolve. It started with a facial expression when you brought up your college roommate’s wedding. An eye roll, an I-don’t-want-to-fucking-deal-with-that. And that became your, “why do you treat my friends and my life as less important?”

“I can’t fucking believe you got that out of me wanting to ditch Katie’s wedding to her dickhead loser fiancé.” Patrick’s words came out so flippant that it infuriated you further. “You don’t even talk to her outside of Facebook comments.”

“I’m sorry, Patrick. I didn’t realize that you’d be so fucking opposed to free food and booze considering you live off of it.”

Patrick set his jaw, glaring at you. It was a low blow, one you knew would sting. “I’m opposed to wasting my time flying out to bum fuck Iowa to because Katie— who has always hated me, by the way— is marrying some dickhead who’s a shill for a corrupt asshole in congress.”

You rolled your eyes. “Maybe she would like you, Patrick, if you ever put in an ounce of effort with anyone besides me.”

“Right, because I need to be friends with the kind of people whose proposal was a flash mob.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “Right, because you’re just too cool for stuff like that.”

It was so fucking like him— making fun of the lame proposals your friends got, or their baby names, or their engagement shoots. Sometimes they were lame— flash mobs were fucking stupid— but sometimes they were sweet, and romantic, and there was Patrick acting like he’d rather blow his brains out than ever publicly admit he cared.

“Yeah, I am.” He said back.

You rolled your eyes and stood. “Whatever, Patrick. I’ll RSVP for one, again, and you can bum around my apartment alone.”

You had slammed the bedroom door before he could respond, which left him alone and seething in the living room.

You heard the front door open, then slam shut, signaling that Patrick was going out for a smoke, or a walk, or something.

You opened Facebook and scrolled through your feed. Katie’s engagement photos, a coworker’s new baby, a college friend’s bachelorette weekend. And there you were, fighting so your boyfriend would finally be your plus one to something.

It wasn’t always his fault— he had tournaments, and commitments. But a lot of the time, it was an active dismissal of things you found important— engagement parties, friends visiting the city, the increasingly common baby shower.

You didn’t blame him. Adult stuff sucked, and it was almost always boring and agonizingly slow. But you just wanted him to show up with you for things that were big.

It would be stupid to break up over Katie, who you genuinely weren’t even that close to. She’d been a decent friend Freshman year, you supposed, but that was the extent of it. The invitation to the wedding was probably a formality.

All you wanted was an excuse to show off your super hot, super cool boyfriend. To get tipsy over free booze, then leave the wedding early to fuck in the shitty Best Western hotel room that wedding guests would get a discount rate on.

A few hours later, the front door opened, and you sat up against the headboard, waiting eagerly to see if he’d be the first to break, or if you would.

You heard four gentle knocks against the door, saw Patrick’s sneakers beneath the door. “You can come in,” you said softly.

Patrick slipped into the room and joined you on the bed. He kept space between you, just in case you were still mad, but met your gaze with the sad eyes of a kicked puppy.

“I bought a suit,” was all he said. “And I tried to buy you a huge bouquet of flowers since I was a dickhead, but my card declined since I just bought the suit, so…”

His hand was resting on the empty expanse of mismatched bedsheets between you. You moved your hand into his, tangling your fingers together. “You bought a suit, huh?”

He nodded, squeezing your hand lightly. “I’ll stop being a dick about Katie’s wedding.” He paused, turning away from your gaze. “I think… I’m away so much that when I’m home, I just want it to be me and you.”

You leaned forward and kissed his nose. “I just want to show you off to everyone I know,” you said lightly. Your forehead stayed pressed to his, and you relished in the closeness. “I don’t give a fuck about Katie or her ugly loser fiancé’s stupid wedding.”

Patrick grinned. “Oh? So you just want a hot, professional athlete to be your arm candy, huh?”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re always cheapening the moment.” You leaned forward kissing him sweetly, which always seemed to devolve into a hungry mess of tongues and spit when Patrick was involved.

“Wait—“ you said suddenly, right as Patrick began peeling off your top. “You said your fucking card declined? You drained your bank account for this stupid wedding?”

He paused, his hands warm on your bare skin. “Uh… it felt like a grand gesture kind of moment.” You leaned in and kissed him, pulling your shirt off the rest of the way.

Not smutty but I neeeeeeeded to write some domestic Patrick x reader 😁🫶 my pookies my babies my loves

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

I can completely break down the notion that jews do not experience ethnic discrimination within western countries, specifically the USA.

for context I am genetically half jewish and half italian, and since I was born i have been more connected to judaism in a cultural and a religious sense. though its not a huge part of my life like judaism is it's definitely still important.

a lot of people like to argue that jews were once not seen as white and now we are, just like Italians, Greeks, Irish, etc were (at least in the USA) and I can confirm that's total bullshit. I have, not once in my life, been treated badly for being Italian. I have never had someone shame me for my appearance, make fun of my cultural food, threaten me, insult me, insult my father, say they wish I died, harassed me, or any other violent or demeaning acts because im Italian. not once in my entire life has that happened. even living in the rural USA where traditional white supremacy is alive and well that did not happen.

yet I have absolutely been harassed, verbally abused, demeaned, belittled, etc. for being jewish. Ive experienced antisemitism since I was 5 and possibly younger. ive heard holocaust jokes, nose/eye jokes, had swastikas drawn on my things, received death threats, gotten rape threats, been called a murderer, been told I should burn, was told I was poisoning the seas, had people deny my very real trauma, was told that I should've stayed dead (for context I overdosed and had to be resuscitated once), and many more things all because im jewish. these are just instances in which it was specifically mentioned or heavily heavily implied that its because im jewish.

Many of these things happened when theae people didn't even know I'm a practicing jew and some even when I stopped practicing for a couple years. a lot of the time the only reason they had to believe I was jewish was my appearance and yeah sure they were right but what it shows is that appearance alone is enough for people to be antisemitic. you know, if jews weren't ethnically discriminated then why do people target us for having things like large noses and curly hair? or for the foods that we eat? or for anything that isnt directly related to religious practices?

anyway I dont believe for a second that anyone who thinks jews dont experience ethnic discrimination in the USA has ever had a genuine conversation with a jew about antisemitism. 5 year old me did not deserve to feel like he was ugly all for some assholes to say that jews are making all this up.

☆this is part 2 in which I will add important context bc if anyone is gonna overanalyze my argument its me. u can read it if you want its not necessary to understand the post.

like I said I have spent most of my life in rural areas where there are many less jews than in big cities and obvious white supremacy is common. im 100% sure this affected a lot of the antisemitism i received.

I am sephardic, not ashkenazi. most goyim do not have a clue what this means. those who do generally think it means "jewish but spicier and more exotic (aka less american)" which could have contributed to some of the discrimination i faced for not being seen as American enough.

this is my experience not anyone else's! I am not discrediting what other people have gone though regarding any experiences with discrimination

[thestargayzingheroine]

Why A Better World is my favourite "Evil Superman" Story

So in the last two decades or so, there's been a notable amount of dark and edgy stories around superheroes turning evil and whatnot and most of them really love to do their own expies of Superman. I've never been the biggest fans of these kinds of stories.

And then there's the actual stories of Superman and other heroes being outright villains or at least just massive assholes. In recent years, this has been largely thanks to the influence of media like the Injustice Games or the Synderverse DC movies. It's... honestly become a trope I am tired of.

Because you know the damnest thing? There is a story that does all these ideas really damn well and arguably better. It is the two-parter from the Justice League cartoon "A Better World".

Now, I am aware how most people favouring the DCAU has become a bit of toxic nostalgia at times and it's something I myself am trying to work through a bit. But in this case, I do think it's the best idea of doing an evil DC story, much better and more interesting than the Crime Syndicate, who if you ask me are not very interesting, though I do remember liking the Crisis On Two Earths movie a lot, which funny enough, was originally going to be this two parter before various things led to it being canned and then later repurposed as a direct to DVD movie.

Anyway, my main crux of why I love this story is simple... The entire Justice League turns evil... and the reasons are very much in-character for all of them. You look at the scene with Justice Lord Batman for example.

As fucking evil as the Justice Lords are... Batman can't quite fully hate his alternate self for his reason for taking part in all this being basically one-step further than his own mission, that no child should ever go through what he did. Hell, I recall reading that the reason the writers had Batman drop his batarang at the end of this scene... was because he genuinely wouldn't be able to come up with an argument to that.

Superman likewise kills Lex Luthor because yeah, Luthor literally exploited the flaws in Democracy and became president of the US, threatening to kinda basically start world war 3. It's obviously horrible... but Superman is a character whose main motivation is making the world a better place. And if people who abuse the systems of power of the world are hurting people, why shouldn't Superman put a stop to that?

And yeah, Superman should obviously never kill, he's the most paragon of paragons of the DC universe, a man committed to always being better than the villains he fights... but this is him pushed to his most logical extreme. Hell, the main Superman knows this and its why Lex used his knowledge of this alternate universe as part of his plan in the season after this, to goad our Superman into crossing the line because yeah, there's a part of him that could go this far.

But right as Superman is about to apparently finish him, the big guy says this.

"I'm not the man who killed President Luthor. I wish to heaven that I were but I'm not."

Because Superman like everyone else, obviously would have those same thoughts and same urges. He's human.

I've kinda gone off Injustice a bit because to be honest... the injustice games were kinda just this but a bit too edgelordy. Hell, in A Better World, Lois Lane still lives and the whole genesis of it doesn't revolve around her getting fridged.

So yeah, A Better World is probably one of my favourite mirror universe stories because of the fact that well... it really is like looking in a mirror and seeing just how easy the greatest heroes can become evil and how they wouldn't be massively out of character doing so. But also it reminds us that as much as this darkness can tempt some of our finest, the ones who don't go down this dark path are stronger in heart than anyone else. Because when the world becomes a dark and horrible place, it becomes very easy to be just as dark. But even though it can be hard to still try and be a good person even in dark times, it's ultimately worth it. Because good always triumphs over evil.

[eldritch-spouse]

*me setting up a net trap outside as per usual to catch the weird long necked creature that visits sometimes to which I am occasionally successful.*

*hears a noise and goes to check it out.*

*long necked fucker is gone, a centipedal monster has replaced him… and is now too big for my trap >:(*

You've been at this very song and dance for what must be months now.

Constantly wracking your brain for new ideas, new tools you can use, new ways of hiding gear, to catch that little fucker. Keep him humble.

Thing is, it's quite hard to keep the plant fiend humble when he learns very fast. He knows to be light-footed, to barely nudge certain plants, to avoid "honey pots". He would even go as far as to purposely trigger your carefully crafted traps -Ruining meticulous work- Just to hear you running outside, laugh in your face, and leave before you could even so much as brush his tail.

Having to deal with this pest was frustrating, but it was also, strangely enough, the highlight of your humdrum routine. So much so that you'd find yourself quite literally scheming while at work.

It was kind of bizarre, when he stopped showing up at all. Abruptly. Like something had happened to him. You could hardly believe you were feeling genuine concern for a green asshole that trampled your plants. He's just some bastard... And yet, it was hard not to think of where he'd gone to. Perhaps he just got bored of you, as bitter as it is to consider.

There's nothing that could have prepared you for tonight.

You hadn't even set up any traps, any bait, nothing at all.

These thumps begin echoing. The ground trembles slightly. It seemed distant enough for you to ignore, until the telltale sound of foliage parting reaches your ears and you know -You just know- That something's going down in your garden.

Lo and behold, a... Beast made of men's bodies and a great flower makes way, utterly massive in stature, dwarfing you in your own home. You would have screamed, should have screamed, but then you saw its face. And you knew exactly who it was.

Because, no matter what shape he takes, no matter how many more feet of height he acquires-

You know a nasty little bitch when you see one.

No words are exchanged between you two for a while, but somehow, the silence was comfortable.

" So, this is what you've been busy with? " You gesture at his body like it wasn't some majestic work of fuckery. " Don't think this means you're off the hook, boy. "

" I'm still going to trap your daisy ass. "

He grins wide.

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Okay, let's talk about Ming, and how some people are talking about him like he's an irredeemable monster. (It's okay that you don't know anyone who was emotionally neglected and you have a decent relationship with your parents, but it's not okay to pretend your experience is universal and everyone else is garbage)

I know some of you remember my loud defense of Ray from Only Friends, and here I am again, to fight for the loveability of the character who doesn't know what to do with all their big feelings.

Ming's family, from what we see, is not a warm, loving place for him to learn emotional intelligence.

May is pretty great, but there is only so much an older sibling can do when your parents are physically or emotionally unavailable.

Ming's mom had only been seen trying to control Ming's life, marry him off to a woman, and insisting he is incapable of being on his own. Not exactly mom of the year.

Ming is clearly incredibly lonely, and so, so sad.

He likes Tong, but mostly after his sister and Tong are already involved -- because it's safe to transfer feelings you don't understand to someone that those feelings cannot go anywhere with. When he starts to feel too much for Tong, he leaves the country, because he can't process those feelings, and he doesn't want to hurt his sister with his crush on her boyfriend.

He comes home, and he sees Joe first. His likeness to Tong is obviously what pulls Ming in, but it is very quickly apparent that Ming is genuinely interested in Joe, but he has no fucking Idea what to do with that interest.

And when Joe clearly likes him back? It gets worse. He lashes out and then feels bad, but mostly doesn't apologize, he just moves on, because apologies require reflection on what you've done wrong, and Ming doesn't know how to do that! We see him struggle with it multiple times!

He does not know how to deal with being wanted. With the expectation of care that comes with that. Because, ironically, Tong and May are the best example of a relationship he has to look at, and he had to tell Tong to go take care of May when she was sick.

His crush on Tong remains so deeply a part of his identity, even as it obviously fades, and it clouds everything because Tong uses Ming's affection for him against him! And Ming doesn't see that! He doesn't see Tong's flaws until after Joe's accident, and even then, I don't know that he acknowledges Tong's actions as cruelty and manipulation, or if he ignores that all under his own guilt and grief over losing Joe.

And this brings us back to Ming and Joe.

Ming didn't have a crush on Joe. He sort of accidentally fell into a situationship, but then became intensely possessive and obsessed with Joe. We see him be so unbelievably soft with Joe, in moments where he's allowing himself to be, to stumble through having feelings and carrying for other people. But there is so much holding on tight that Ming can't seem to turn off.

He holds on to Joe --both of them!-- so tightly. He sees threats to his claim on Joe everywhere, and he can't confront that idea, so he doubles down on being possessive, and he looks cuckoo-bananas.

But it really just reads to me like he doesn't know what to do with feelings! I know people --especially ND people, who needed a little extra help to learn how to person -- who had emotionally neglectful parents and didn't understand healthy attachment until years of therapy and some determined friends got involved.

I don't have the greatest track record for "healthy attachment", and lean towards codependent in a lot of my relationships.

Some of the people I love the most are "hold on tight even when it's not good, because if I let go you'll leave" people.

They are absolutely deserving of someone who loves them. They deserve a happy ending and middle, too. They deserve the chance to learn and grow and become better versions of themselves.

(and they deserve people to love and cheer for them even when they're being assholes and throwing tantrums and hurting people because they are still learning how not to do that)

AND THIS DOESN'T EVEN TOUCH ON HOW JOE ALSO MISSED A LOT OF EMOTIONAL LESSONS, BUT IT MADE HIM UNHINGED IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WAY THAN MING!

Idek if this is coherent, or everything that I wanted to say, but here it is, my treatise on why Ming is my baby, actually, and why I will defend him until he is either better or actively worse.

ETA: what Ming has done is obviously not okay, reasons are not excuses, but I do think he deserves a chance to learn. and to tell Joe he loves him.

[buckybarnesss]

Bro, the noise I just made. I literally cannot stand the fanon for Stiles or Derek. It is so so soooo bad, I think these people literally have only seen the 2 hour sterek compilation. Every day I am like "who fucking told you people that Derek never smiles and has no sense of humor?"

Stiles gets turned into this big eyed, kitten twink who wouldn't dare to misbehave because he's the sheriff's son (the kid who gets drunk in the WOODS, and gets his dad drunk so he can steal casefiles!!)

Derek like... He is either completely useless and cannot dress himself for a date without fanon!Laura (do not get me started) telling him what to do, or he is so emotionally repressed and damage that he can barely handle someone kissing him without him falling to pieces.

LIKE. Derek smiles. Derek makes jokes!! Derek laughed at Stiles right before the pool scene. Derek knows how to use a cellphone and a laptop. Derek is a goddamn millenial, he knows what grumpy cat is. He knows he's hot, he has a mirror!!

Also... the man lived in New York fucking City. He's not afraid of crowds or talking to people or making out, he uses sex to get his way (Erica and the deputy at the front desk!!)

i know.

like, there's a period of fics that are usually from the s1-2 period that lean pretty hard on derek's dark, brooding and grumpiness from season 1 but of course he was like that. he was going through The Horrors during season 1. he was grieving laura, he was being retraumatized by kate and dealing with scott, stiles and fucking jackson.

he wasn't one dimensional though. his anger was a mask for all the fear, confusion and trying to be in control.

do you know how many fics i've read where people have stiles think about all the apparent physical violence derek has done to stiles as if he's always slamming him into surfaces? way too many to count and it's incorrect. off the top of my head i can count 3 times derek did something like that to stiles. the shove into the wall and slam into the steering wheel in wolf's bane both of which had a point to them. whether or not it was a good emotional response doesn't matter. what matters is that they were not random or part of derek's personality. he didn't just shove stiles into things every time he saw him. the wall shove in s4 with de-aged derek was a deliberate call back to that very instance in wolf's bane. it was literally coupled with the whole cousin miguel bit.

fandom doesn't like to acknowledge that derek hale isn't particularly violent over the course of the show. he hardly even wins the fights he engages in and he is often forced into fights knowing he cannot win.

our boy mostly ends up on the fucking floor.

derek also does make jokes. dry ones usually he thinks they are hilarious too. he thinks he's a funny guy. his dad joke game must've been off the charts, sorry eli.

he and stiles trade barbs a lot and he thinks stiles is funny. stiles amuses him and he indulges it a few times. he shows off to stiles too like a loser.

he likes to fuck with scott and stiles and enjoys taking the piss out of peter. he genuinely enjoyed fucking with liam in s4.

he's not a luddite either. he has a cellphone and we see him use it. i bet he plays games on it. i bet he plays candy crush and words with friends.

and fanon evolved to strip away that stiles is an asshole. he a violent little freak. he threatens people, he expresses regularly his desire to kill people or have them die, he cares about a very small selection of people in his life and if you're not in that circle than god be with your ass because stiles most definitely won't.

he loves and respects his father but this doesn't mean stiles respects the law which is why i don't know why the law enforcement route was chosen for him. stiles hates rules and boundaries. he chafes at them.

stiles casually helps kira and scott break into evidence to get her cell phone. he tells scott's fbi agent father to fuck himself. he got his dad drunk to get access to case files. he copies people's keys. he's a nosy shit.

the whole show started because stiles was a nosy punk kid who wanted to see a dead body.

but i digress.

fanon stiles had a lot of scott's characteristics projected onto him so they could bash scott. i know there's a lot of people who don't like scott which is fine or whatever but there are so many that do it so they can make a pinata out of a character they've extracted all the good points from and give to their favorite little white boy fav.

stiles "i will beat you with a bat" stilinski is a freaky little shit who will bite you.

do you know how hard i laughed when in s3 stiles and isaac genuinely just like could not stand each other? they couldn't be in the same room with out insulting one another and it was the complete opposite of stiles being oh so sensitive to isaac's past and history than straight up in 3b stiles the epitome of insensitive says to isaac something about still milking it (his abuse). stiles is a dick.

i also genuinely have umbrage with the pack mom trope that stiles gets saddled with. the way fandom has oft feminized stiles leaves a bad taste in my mouth too.

derek and stiles are both assholes and i love them very much.

[prince-liest]

dr prince!

I was so busy waiting for the next update of once bitten that I didn't realize until yesterday that you'd posted something else! I just read lady's first and oh my god. oh my god holy shit oh my god.

I almost cried several times, and somehow, against god's will, you've caused me to develop a crush on your fem!alastor specifically. I just want to hug her so bad. your writing never fails to be funny, sexy, emotional, and thoughtful all at the same time; I love love loved reading your note at the end about alastor's relationship with gender. your portrayal was such a perfect balance of her still being alastor while also clearly being affected by a different upbringing/socialization. ugh, I love your writing so much.

I also think this and your 666 series has proven to me that I am SO here for alastor tentatively asking for friendship and vox not being an asshole about it. I love -- and I think this is what I find appealing about hazbin in general -- seeing the worst sinners in hell find something warm and happy together in the middle of all the bleakness. lady's first and I love her, I love her not are going to be tucked into a warm place in my heart for a while, I think. maybe forever.

Aaaaa, thank you so much! Yeah, Once Bitten is going to take a minute to update because I've been on a road trip and not written anything at all for over a week, haha. But Lady's First was my mental break foray into a softer radiostatic dynamic and also because I cannot seem to unhinge my jaw from the death grip it has on putting Alastor into compulsory heterosexuality situations and all the processing required to deal with them. Yes, there IS more coming. Sorry, blorbo, you are now here for me to work through the current concept I'm hyperfixated on.

I forget if I've mentioned elsewhere, but I actually expected a lot of people to give Lady's First a pass because it's M/F and because it's a genderbend, so it's genuinely really touching to me that what possessed me in the writing of it has resonated with many others as well! I'm especially glad that the characterization came through and made sense with the specific changes I made—and big handshake on wanting soft resolutions for these literal demons from hell, hahaha. Unpicking their humanity is my favorite part of this fandom!

Anyway, thank you so much! This ask made me really happy to receive, haha

[colourful-void]

alright closing umineko for the night!! i had a great time with it so far!! i really like the writing style, and for the most part its actually a lot less dense than i was expecting. I thought it might be some house of leaves stuff but no this is pretty easy to read, at least so far! im rlly glad for that like it doesn't feel too simple, not too complicated, its good!

current character thoughts run down, though i've barely started so i dont know much yet: ginzo: he sucks he totally sucks and im convinced that he made some kidna deal w/ beatrice in order to take advantage of the earthquake and war and such. not entirely convinced hes not about to just murder the whole family bcs he seems like he would do that. krauss: also sucks. just a real dick, but in like. he's a standard asshole really. natsuhi: much in the same vien, but she's got that matriach of the family thing going on i hope will b explored more <3 jessica: she's neat i like her! looking forward to more on her. Eva: i was digging for her a while and then i saw how she treated shannon and it went out the window hideyoshi: ive yet to expirence a thought on this man George: he's very tropey in a good way and i enjoy he's friendly guy swag. looking forward to it inevitably falling to pieces rudolf: DICK!! kyrie: girl leave your husband. i can treat u better <3, im glad she has some decency but my mind aint set on her yet battler: HES SO CRINGEEEE <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 sometimes he does genuinely offput me but mostly he's just stupid <3 rosa: be a bit nicer to ur daughter, but beyond that shes chill i think. no big thoughts here. i do like her dynamic in relation to the rest of the siblings so far maria: MARIA MY DARLING MY DEAREST SHES SO SWEET AND SILLY AND CLEARLY OMINOUS I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT DARK MAGICS OVERTAKE HER OR WHATEVER <333 maria for whatever the fuck she wants 2024 love her so much no crazy thoughts on the head butler or doctor but i think in a different world the butler and ginzo had crazy gay sex shannon: shes soooo sweetie <3 suspiciously so this game wants me to like her so bad and i do <3. i am aware of one key spoilery fact about shannon uncovered in some content warnings i recieved, but its kinda fun seeing the set up for that! everyone be nicer to my girl kanon: hes suspcious but overly so and i wonder what his deal is. i also think all the servants need to be treated better this fucking furnature stuff <3 its awful i love it narratively gohda: i think he would kill someone with very little hesitation. i wanna try that panna cotta. kumasawa: shes like a grandma to me <333 i like her!!

i havent met beatrice yet but im looking forward to it she looks super neat.

i also apperciate how slow burn this is, a few hours in and very little has happened yet it's nice. there's already a lot building but like. nothing big yet it's nice. i like it. it feels like it's moving at exactly the pace it wants to and i enjoy it a lot. the sound design is also rlly good. the music is really nice a couple times i got distracted and just listened to it in the bg. the sfx r nice too.

i do not regret my sprite choice i like these designs they're fun, but i do think maria looks a little off for her alleged age of 9, but it's easy to ignore after a min or two.ironically when i was loading the game and saw her on the steam page it def aligned better, but at the cost battler to my eyes is now yassified. he cant be a pretty boy to me he's too lame.

voice acting is great everyones putting fucking everyting into it and i enjoy that. fully commited to the enviroment and its great.

where i left off: everyone just finished having lunch! kumasawa covered for shannon not knowing the red sauce's ingredients. that's all for now! not sure when ill paly more, probably tomorrow, but its been good!! good game so far i like this setg up!! im also eagar to get more into the murder and violence and witch stuff but like, it does a good joib of setting up the characters so i dont feel impatient, and unlike a lot of games w/ murder n mystery that get right into it i kinda find it refreshing how slow this one is to start its like we all know itll get there so the tension of everyone being relatively calm is great.

anyway, umineko day 1: it was good =D

[jeonchry]

“you’re really starting to grow on me, you know.”

You feel a pair of strong, sinewy arms wrap around your frame as you’re standing by the counter.

It makes you sigh.

it’s almost torture when he keeps driving you over the edge like this.

it stirs something in you — it sparks a tiny twinge of hope inside you that one day he will magically fall in love with all of you and want you as badly as you want him.

well, it’s clear as day to everyone that he wants you but your conscience laughs at the falling in love part.

“How did you sleep?”

You try to keep the conversation normal as if normal is something you guys do.

heesung breathes into your neck, your question remaining an echo.

he’s doing this on purpose.

you roll your eyes, too familiar with his shticks to play along.

he hums softly as he plants his lips onto your spine, his hand going toward your tummy as his kisses trail up to your hair.

if cocaine is the most addictive stimulant ever, heesung comes at par.

“i.. am meeting up with my friends today.” your voice is shaking.

heesung stops whatever he is doing and it almost scares you for a second.

“did i do something wrong?”

his fingers remain on the waistband of your shorts as he glances over at your face, brows furrowed in confusion. it is a rare sight to see.

did i do something wrong?

the question ticks you off a bit.

“no.”

your one-word answer clearly says otherwise and he senses it, because you see his pupils constrict a little and his brows stitch together further.

“(y/n).”

you’re crying. fuck. you’re crying?!

not now. not now.

you chant the words in your head, gulping down the lump in your throat.

his expression changes in an instant.

eyes that showed nothing but indifference and lust, now stares at you with vivid emotions. his lips seem to quiver a bit too as his hand leaves your abdomen.

it’s as if you unlocked a part of him that he has hidden from you forever.

“i’m sorry.”

he breathes out, feeling like the biggest asshole ever. the last thing he wants is to see you cry because of him.

you feel warm tears soaking up your cheeks and you look away, embarrassed.

you ruined everything, is the only thing ringing in your head. everything around you, from the kitchen walls to the lovely set of cups you bought with your mum, is now a big blur.

you’re so lost in your inner turmoil that you only realize heesung has pulled you into his chest when you breathe in his scent again.

suddenly, the kitchen comes back to life, with its vibrant colored interior and wooden floor that seem to make gentle creaking noises.

his embrace is warm and comforting, almost like a billow of clouds hugging you. his fingers are rubbing your arms gently, and he pulls back to glance at your face.

heesung has a gentle expression on his face, one you didn’t even know he was capable of making. his eyes are genuine and they stare back at you warmly. nothing like the sea of ambiguity that you’d normally be looking into.

his lips part to say something but he stops midway and decides to revel in the silence between you.

the day goes on as if any of this never happened and it was all in your head. you don’t go out to see your friends, deciding to spend your day with heesung instead.

you start to think it might have been one of his gimmicks to keep you right where he wants you, wrapped around his fingers.

but there’s something different about today or maybe it’s a sweet lie you tell yourself, because he talks about his thoughts as you lie in bed together, his arm over your tummy, his other hand in your hair.

you laugh over some funny dialogues from your favorite romcom but you also feel like crying because this feels like the end. the end of something that never happened.

when the night comes, he cradles you in his arms like a baby, as if he’s making up for all the times he upset you.

“(y/n).”

his voice vibrates in your ears.

“can i keep you?”

maybe you’re dreaming. your eyelids are droopy and your chest feels really warm and heavy at the same time.

“heesung. don’t play with me.”

your response makes him chuckle softly and it’s the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard.

“i am not.” his response is prompt and defensive.

“i don’t want to be selfish anymore. the prospect of diving head-on is scary but if it’s you then…”

there is a pause and it makes you look up at him as you feel sleep leaving your body.

“I don’t mind.”

[twoa-plus]

dissecting stanford pines and finding organs that don’t exist but like in a metaphorical way

that’s it that’s the title i’m going with. this is a long one folks o7

most of this isn’t sourced or canon at all it’s just personal interpretation/headcanon/whatever else u wanna call it, but!! since more people are seeing my deranged gravity falls ramblings now i figure i should probably give some perspective as to why i like/defend ford as much as i do

(in my other gf posts i do try to stick to canon to back up whatever point i’m making - this is just about my personal opinion of ford as a character, and should be able to be thrown out in regards to my other posts)

so for some background/setup/whatever (it’s important i promise bear with me), different people have different instinctual responses to anxiety/stress. i come from a family (genetics are fun) where the default response is to start (metaphorically ofc) biting and hissing like a cornered animal. this doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any actual hatred or malice or anything towards the people that end up getting scratched - they might just be at the wrong place at the wrong time, they might’ve done something super minor and insignificant that added on to a preexisting pile of stress, etc etc

i cannot stress enough that i am not saying this is ok. you dont need me to tell you that hurting people who don’t deserve it is a bad thing, lol. what i am saying though is that sometimes people can kind of suck for reasons other than just genuinely wanting everyone around them to be miserable

this is the last “background” part i swear BUT another thing thats less genetic and more just me being weird is that i’m the type of person where like. any minor environmental change can really stress me out lol. like even just reorganizing my desk can be pretty emotionally taxing

SO. finally back on topic. stanford pines. i see a lot of the behavior/patterns i just described in him. like i’ve spent my entire life around people like this, and while i understand why a lot of people see him as just some asshole, i can’t help but see him as a guy who’s just kinda going through it lol

just talking about the more recent events as of the series, he’s just spent 30 years god knows where doing and seeing god knows what, he has an abusive ex who wants to murder him and his entire family (plus the whole dimension, really), and in the three decades he’s been gone the entire world - including his own house - has changed and left him behind. add onto that that he went missing in 1982, way before we had all of the emotional/mental health resources we have now, we all saw what the stans’ childhood was like, and that ford is terrible with people - including, imo, himself. if there’s anybody out there who would have Feelings and not understand what they are or where they’re coming from or what to do about them, it’s this guy

this entire setup is the perfect circumstance for fear and anxiety and stress and uncertainty to all get translated into anger. a really big example of this, to me, is how he talks about dipper in journal 3. i’ve talked about this before somewhere so i’ll try to summarize as fast as i can lol

reading his initial entry about dipper would make u think he like. hates this kid lol. but i really don’t think he ever did - he was really excited to meet the kids in the show and already seemed to care about them just by virtue of existing, and his opinion on dipper in journal 3 seems to do a complete 180 pretty quickly which ,,, doesn’t really fit ford as a character. like i love the man but that guy can hold a GRUDGE

here’s how it reads to me:

ford gets back to his home dimension after 30 years and everything is different

he’s subconsciously kind of struggling with the fact that he doesn’t really have a “home” anymore - the sense of familiarity and comfort that would normally come with the word is gone. (i specify that it’s subconscious because, like i said earlier, i do not get the vibe that he’s particularly aware of his own emotions)

he finds out that journal 3 - something he made with his own two hands and considers part of his life’s work - has also changed in the decades he’s been gone. this adds to the feeling of unfamiliarity with the world around him

it’s easier to blame that “final straw” and say that he’s just upset about his work being tampered with rather than address the actual root of the problem, so that’s exactly what he does. this still doesn’t mean that there’s any genuine hatred towards dipper. anger in the moment, yeah, but not hatred

again, this is entirely personal interpretation, and i completely understand if u don’t see it like this!! this is just a pattern of thoughts/behavior that i’m very familiar with, so it’s easy for me to apply it to situations like this even if it’s not really part of the canon

i also think there’s a big problem in this fandom with just ,, not seeing ford as a Person with Emotions? idk how to explain it but it feels like people expect him to always know exactly what to do in every situation just bc he’s old and academically smart. like whenever another character does something objectively bad it’s “well there were extenuating circumstances,” (which is usually true and i agree !!) but ford never really seems to get that treatment. if he does something bad it’s just because he sucks

a big example of this i think is the fight between him and stan (y’know the “you ruined my life”/“you ruined your own life”). you cannot look me dead in the eyes and, in full seriousness, with the context of everything ford was going through with bill at the time, say that he was fully mentally/emotionally stable during that conversation. “oh so you’re blaming stan-“ NO!!! stan was also going through it!!! that’s the entire point - they’re both people with their own lives and emotions and everything else that comes with that, they had very human reactions to their respective situations, and they both ended up hurt!! hopefully i’m explaining this right but i just don’t like it when people pin everything on ford, like there was a lot going on and at the end of the day he’s just a human

wasn’t really sure how to work this in so i’ll just put it here - i don’t think ford ever truly hated stan, either. familial bonds are complicated, and there can be a whole lot of anger towards someone without true hatred being present. i briefly mentioned the stans’ childhood sucking earlier, and i don’t just mean stanley - it’s easier to pinpoint him as a victim of abuse/neglect, but that doesn’t mean ford had it great either. their parents (specifically filbrick, but caryn didn’t exactly do a fantastic job with them either) expected nothing of stan and the world of ford, both of which would weigh heavily on any child. plus, ford being the favorite doesn’t mean all of his emotional needs were met - filbrick seeing him as an opportunity to make money doesn’t mean he was suddenly an emotionally present and caring father towards him. WCT wasn’t just an opportunity for ford to go be a famous scientist or whatever - it was a chance for his father to love him, something both of the stans desperately wanted. (WCT was also on the opposite side of the country from where they lived but i’m sure that’s completely unrelated !!!)

do i think stan deserved anything that happened to him after the science fair incident? no, absolutely not, he was a child. do i think it was right of ford to just stand there as his brother got thrown out? no, absolutely not - but he was a child too. as for them not speaking for a decade after that, like i mentioned earlier ford can hold a grudge like no other. (this doesn’t just apply to stan, either, ford dedicated half of his life to trying to kill his ex lmao.) i think ford’s ability to hold on to anger like that is actually a pretty major part of/flaw in his personality, but again, anger - even the strongest, most long-lived of it - is not synonymous with hatred. stan, who ford has always gone to for help when he truly needed it, it not what ford’s hatred looks like. bill, who ford actively wants to die, is

anyways!! i never know how to close these things lol. ig in summary i just see ford’s behavior (in the show at least) as more of a sign of internal struggle rather than like ,, genuinely hating the people around him and wanting their lives to suck. did/does he have an ego problem? absolutely. is he incapable of love and human connection? no. is he immune to manipulation/abuse/neglect/etc and everything that comes with that? also no

he’s an interdimensional criminal why can’t he go to the theraprism. i think he should

[stranger-fanfiction-n-things]

CHAPTER 2: THE WEIRDO ON MAPLE STREET

This is an Original Character fanfiction. All Stranger Things characters and content are owned by Netflix and The Duffer Brothers.

a/n: This part is heavy. A lot of things are happening. Nancy and Diana's friendship dynamic will be tested throughout the season. I wanted to make this pool party as realistic as possible. In watching this episode, I understand Nancy's want to fit in, but it's at the expense of Barb in my opinion and I wanted to showcase how that feels through Diana. As a dancer, I hate when after finding out I am a dancer, people tell me to dance...it makes me uncomfortable. It's not a skill that is always on for me. The move Diana shows everyone is called a Scorpion (Rhythmic Gymnastic Style).

P.S. This is what I picture Diana wearing to the pool party.

Warnings: Sexual implications. Blood. Peer Pressure.

Word Count: 3517

Masterlist

PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV || PART V

HARRINGTON RESIDENCE

When Steve said he was having a party, I never expected to be outside in his backyard, sitting on a lawn chair freezing to death. I shiver wrapping my arms around my knees. I have been here for over an hour and have done nothing but sit by the heated pool watching the water. The definition of ‘party’ was as lost as I felt. Tommy H attempts to throw Carol in the pool. She screams trying her best to escape his hold. I lean against Barb savouring her warmth and rest my head on her arm watching everything unfold. Nancy sits in a lawn chair beside Steve. Barb and I were long forgotten once we arrived. I am too cold to care.

“I thought parties were primarily inside the house.” I mumble. “What kind of party is this?” 

“A stupid one.” Barb responds with a sigh.

“All they do is smoke and drink. Where’s the food?” 

“Eating isn’t in style, I guess.”

I peer around Barb’s shoulder keeping an eye on Nancy and notice she is on her second beer for the night.  I groan, feeling restless and stand up to stretch my legs. 

“Did you want to go for a walk?” 

“Where?” 

“I don’t know, around the pool.” 

Barb looks at the pool, wrinkling her nose in distaste. “No thanks.” 

I pout, but don’t question her and begin my walk. 

“Diana, where are you going?” Nancy asks. 

“I’m tired of sitting around. I’m going to walk around the pool for a bit.” 

Nancy smiles, her blue eyes seem glazed and a little out of focused. “Okay. Just don’t leave.” 

“I won’t.” I respond, no matter how much I actually want to. 

I stroll along the edge of the pool thinking. Steve Harrington throws a lot of parties and I’m most certain the whole school has been to Steve’s house at least once in their lifetime. Which meant Steve’s parents weren’t home often. I look at the towering house and the expansive backyard. I don’t know what it’s like to be an only child, but I do know how it feels to be lonely even with others around. My gaze lowers to across the pool. Nancy smiles at Steve; they’ve been talking since we arrived leaving Barb and I alone. I don’t look at Tommy H and Carol, knowing they’re all over each other, stealing kisses and soft giggles. Instead, I look at Steve. Really look at him. His impressively beautiful hair, the cigarette behind his ear, the forgotten can of beer in his hand, the way he looks at Nancy. Like he…enjoys being around her. 

I tilt my head to the side. This is the first time I am privy to observing how Steve interacts with Nancy. He seems more…genuine and real. Not this superficial, arrogant "King Steve" persona he puts on at school or when he’s with Tommy H and Carol. I admit my perception of Steve Harrington is based on how others view and talk about him. He’s the boy we watch walk away. The Big Man on Campus. The Casanova. A glorified asshole. But in being in his house for this brief moment and seeing how he is with Nancy separate from Tommy H and Carol…maybe I had it all wrong and Steve Harrington isn’t that bad. 

A gust of wind blows past and I hug my jacket close to me. I am so cold I start to jump up and down. Sauté. Sauté. Sauté. I jump higher landing through my feet. Glissade assemblé. Glissade assemblé. I continue to jump from petit allegro to grand allegro and after a few minutes I begin to practice the Gargouillade.

“Do you ever sit down?” Tommy H shouts. 

I almost miss what he said and stop jumping. From across the pool, Steve, Nancy, Barb, Tommy H and Carol all stare at me with expressions ranging from awe to concern. 

“She’s practicing.” Nancy says. 

“For what?”

“The Nutcracker showcase next month.” 

Tommy H winces. “Sounds painful.” 

“What the hell is a Nutcracker?” Steve asks. 

“The Nutcracker,” Nancy corrects. “And it’s a two-act ballet by Tchaikovsky.” 

“Bless you.” Carol jokes, grinning. Tommy H kisses her temple.

I roll my eyes, putting my hands on my hips and pace back and forth in efforts to catch my breath. Sweat trickles down my back and I finally feel hot enough to take off my jacket. 

“Diana got one of the lead roles in the second act.” 

“Nancy.” I warn, marching to the other side of the pool. 

“What? It’s a big deal and you should be so proud of yourself!” 

“I am but…” I squeeze my jacket. Stop telling them my business! 

“How long have you been dancing?” Steve asks me, sipping his beer. I am taken aback by his question.

It’s the first time Steve is talking to me directly and not through Nancy. The first time I feel like he acknowledges me enough to talk to me despite the circumstance being forced upon me by Nancy. It takes me a moment to respond. 

“I-I was two when I started,” I stutter, looking anywhere but his face. “It’s how I met Nancy."

“You’re a dancer too?” He directs his question to her.  

“I quit last year.” 

“Why?” 

“I just didn’t want to dance anymore.” 

“Why not?” 

“I don’t know. I just didn’t…” she shrugs, finishing the last of the beer. Nancy wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “Diana is gonna go pro one day.” 

I feel like I’m going to explode. Steve looks at me again and this time I meet his gaze. 

“Pro? Sounds like sports.” 

“Dance is a sport.” I interject. 

Steve raises his eyebrows, though his eyes tell me he doesn’t agree with me. I’m not surprised because it’s the common stigma surrounding dance. Becoming a professional dancer is a one in a million chance. There are so many odds to win against. Making money is dependent on the opportunities you get and with whom. It’s not as stable as a regular 9 to 5 and the training is extensive and strenuous that most don’t make it. 

“Diana has the grace, strength and flexibility.” Nancy continues. “Her lines are perfect; her feet are beautiful.”

“Lines?” Carol questions. 

My nails dig into my palms. 

"The way she moves is aesthetically pleasing. She can do crazy things with her body.” 

“Is that so?” Tommy H smirks. 

“Diana, show them!” 

My face feels like it’s on fire. Everyone is looking at me now. I shift from side to side wanting the ground to swallow me up. All this attention on me is too much and I feel like I can’t breathe.

“No, no. I-I can’t.” 

“Please, Diana?” Nancy pouts, clasping her fingers together. 

I want to tell her to stop. I hate being asked to dance outside of a studio. It makes me feel like a clown at a circus, ready to entertain and Nancy knows this. 

“I would love to see these crazy things you can do with your body.” Tommy H’s tone suggests something else entirely. 

“Me too!” Carol adds, leaning back on him. 

I shake my head, tucking a loose curl behind my ear. “It’s too cold.” 

“Just a kick then!” Nancy offers. 

“Yeah, just a kick, Diana.” Tommy H adds, smiling devilishly at me.  

“Nancy, I don’t think—” Barb begins. 

“Yeah, show us!” Carol interjects, smiling at me. 

Tommy H cheers aloud while clapping obnoxiously. I glance at the faces in front of me. Barb looks as uncomfortable as I feel and I can tell she’s trying to help me out of this situation but she is overshadowed by Tommy H and Carol. Steve looks surprisingly hesitant and Nancy’s hopeful face stares encouragingly at me. I close my eyes and sigh, placing my jacket on the empty lawn chair beside Barb. Nancy squeals in excitement as I perform some last-minute stretches to warm up my hips and back. 

Lifting my left leg up and grab the outer side of my foot with my left hand. I begin to push my back foot towards the sky as high as I can which is pretty high, considering its already by my ear without much effort. I turn my elbow outward so it’s pointing forward and in front of my head. I lift my other hand and grab my ankle with my right hand and meet my left hand with it. When I straighten my leg and pull my leg forward, the back of my thigh touches my head. I pull until I am in an over split. 

“Holy shit. How is that possible?” Steve exclaims. Nancy claps proudly while Steve stares at me wide eyed and confused. 

“That’s disgusting.” Carol says. 

“What are you?” Tommy H adds. 

I immediately let go of my leg and stand straight. They didn’t have to be so mean. 

“Okay, that’s enough.” Barb snaps, holding my jacket out to me. I take it from her, sitting in the lawn chair beside her. 

The “party” resumes as if nothing happened with Tommy H, Carol and Steve all standing finding someone or something else to entertain themselves with. Nancy watches Steve’s every move, trying to be discreet but failing. Tommy H and Carol stand near the pool and Tommy H tries to throw Carol inside again. Carol screams at the top of her lungs. 

“One, two, three.” 

 “You’re such an asshole, Tommy.” Carol giggles. 

Steve comes back with a can of beer in his hand. I can’t see what he’s doing until he quickly opens the can, putting his mouth on the side. I cringe thinking about all the germs on that can. He chugs the beer in a matter of seconds, dropping the can on the ground. 

“Is that supposed to impress me?” 

Steve plops himself on the lawn chair. The cigarette behind his ear, dangles from his lips. He looks at her feigning confusion.

“You’re not?” 

Of course, she is. 

“You are such a cliché; you do realize that?” 

“You are such a cliché.” Steve responds, reaching for a lighter on the side table. He lights his cigarette and inhales. “What with your grades and your band practice.” 

“I’m so not in band.” 

“Okay, party girl.” He hands her a can of beer and the blade, challenging her. “Why don’t you just show us how it’s done, then?” 

Barb and I look at each other. That would be Nancy’s third beer for the night. Any more and she’ll get sick. I close my eyes praying Nancy won’t do what I think she’s going to do. Barb shakes her head. 

“Okay.” 

Nancy standing up caught the attention of Tommy H and Carol. 

“You gotta make a hole at the bottom—”

“I got it.” 

“Yeah, she’s smart, you douche!” Tommy H laughs, crushing a beer can against his head. 

“That explains so much.” I mutter under my breath. Barb snorts, smiling. 

Nancy pokes a hole in the can of beer and quickly opens the top before she begins chugging the beer. 

“Chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!” 

I’d be impressed, if I weren’t so taken aback by the way Nancy was acting. She drops the empty can on the floor, stumbling slightly. Tommy H, Carol and Steve all cheer and whoop for Nancy who curtsies in thanks. 

“Barb you wanna try?” 

Barb perks up. It’s the first time she’s been addressed the entire night. “What? No. No, I don’t want to. Thanks.” 

Nancy pouts. “Di?” 

“Absolutely not.” 

Nancy looks at Barb one more time. “Come on.”

“Yeah.” Steve encourages. I squint, shaking my head. 

“Nance. I don’t want to.” Barb hisses. 

Nancy ignores her putting another can of beer and the blade in Barb’s hand. “It’s fun! Just give it a shot.” 

“Nancy. She said no.” I interject, sternly. I can’t believe she’s forcing us to do things we clearly don’t want to do. 

“Okay. Fine.” 

Barb stands up in the centre of the circle. I look up at her feeling on edge about what was going to happen and what could happen. Barb isn’t equipped to poke a hole in the can. She doesn’t know how. The silence is so loud, it’s awkward and I want to grab Barb and tell her to sit down. Barb mumbles to herself, fiddling with the blade. She presses into the can, but the blade slips, slicing through her hand. Barb flinches, dropping the can and knife on the concrete. 

“Barb!” I shout, rushing to her. I hold her wrist in my hand to inspect the damage. Blood oozes out of the cut in her palm, trickling down her wrist and my fingers. “Oh my gosh.” 

“Gnarly.” Tommy H laughs. 

I glare at him, letting go of her wrist. “It’s not funny.” I snap. 

“Are you okay?” Nancy asks, her eyebrows etched with worry. She seemed to have sobered up a little. 

“Yeah.” Barb says. 

“Barb, you’re bleeding.” 

“I’m fine.” Barb replies, her voice is shaking and I know she’s fighting back tears. Barb looks at Steve. “Where’s your bathroom?” 

“Oh, it’s…it’s, uh, down past the kitchen to the left.” He stands up escorting her back to the house. 

I look at my hand and the dry blood sticking to my fingers and quickly grab my jacket from the lawn chair running after them. I can’t stand to be around Nancy right now. 

“I’m coming with you, Barb.”  

I hold Barb’s hand under the cold water in the downstairs bathroom. Steve left five minutes ago leaving me and Barb alone. The air feels thick and heavy around us as we stand in silence. I know Barb feels embarrassed about what happened and that’s the reason she’s not talking. I understand completely and allow her the time to process what had just happened. Removing Barb’s hand from the water, I quickly soap my hands and rinse them before closing the tap. I quickly dry my hands against the hand towel and tend to Barb. I take her hand and inspect the cut. 

“It’s not that deep which is good.” I comment. 

“Yeah.” 

The cut begins to bleed again and I take a heap of toilet paper and quickly wrap it around her finger tight to stop the blood. Barb watches me work. I tell her to hold the wound tight to stop the bleeding. Barb nods her head and sits down on the toilet seat staring at nothing in particular. I sigh deeply and crouch to her eye level placing my hands on her knees. 

“Are you sure, you’re okay, Barb?” I ask, softly. 

Dark brown eyes look at me. “I’ll be fine.” 

I frown, growing upset with what happened by the pool. “I don’t know what’s up with Nancy or why we’re even here. Did you see how she was acting out there? I felt like I was in a circus and you, Barb. Your hand.”

“She wants us to be her guardians. So that’s what we’re going to do. Guide her and make sure she doesn’t get too drunk and do something stupid.” 

“Like sleep with Steve Harrington.” It wasn’t a question. It was a fact. I shake my head. “We can’t stop her from doing that when she clearly wants to, Barb. Nancy can deny all she wants, but she wants to be here. She wants to get drunk and she wants to sleep with Steve.” And it doesn’t explain why we need to be here. 

“I know…” Barb says solemnly.

Neither of us say anything for a moment. I am lost in thought, drawling circles on Barbs thighs. If Nancy would just admit how much she likes Steve, Barb and I wouldn’t be here right now. Tonight, left me wondering where did my best friend go. That person out by the pool is not Nancy, it’s a version of her I don’t know nor want to know. She didn’t notice how uncomfortable Barb and I were tonight which is so out of character, I don’t even…I shake my head again, biting my lower lip. 

“Why are we here, Barb?” I ask quietly. 

“Because Nancy wants us to be here for her.” 

“Then why do I feel like…a handbag. An accessory in all of this? Why do I feel like she doesn’t want us here?”  

Barb doesn’t answer. I sigh and stand up feeling completely drained. I want to go home. I want to take a shower and sleep. I want to do anything but be here. I hear footsteps and laughter followed by Nancy and Steve’s voice. Barb and I look at each other before springing into action. We are scrambling out the door in seconds rushing towards the grand staircase. 

“Nance. Nancy!” Barb calls. 

Nancy pauses, hugging the towel against her face, looking at us.  Steve continues to walk the steps, not bothering to look back. I observe Nancy. She is drenched from head to toe with bits of mascara gathered around her eye. 

“Where are you going?” Barb asks. 

“Nowhere. Just upstairs…” she hesitates to respond finding the right words, “to change. I fell in the pool.” 

“Why don’t you go ahead and go home. I’ll just get a ride or something.”

My jaw drops. Go home? Go home? She begged us to come and make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid, and now she wants us to leave? That’s all we ever wanted to do since arriving here. 

“Nance.” 

“Pardon?” 

Barb and I say at the same time. Nancy looks at us. 

“I said why don’t you go home.” 

“I know what you said, Nancy, but you asked us to be here for you.” 

 “I’m fine,” Nancy says with a hint of attitude. “You guys can go.” 

I stare at her for a moment trying to figure out where my best friend went. “Did we do something wrong? 

“No.” 

“You seem like you’re mad at us.” 

Nancy sighs, rolling her eyes. “I’m not mad at you guys. I can just tell you don’t want to be here so you can both go home. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” 

Barb and I don’t speak for a moment. I’m too frustrated to say another word. I lied to my parents to be here. I lied to Mrs. Wheeler to be here. I wanted nothing to do with this and Nancy knew that, yet Barb and I were forced to be here, ridiculed and embarrassed. And Nancy doesn’t see any of it. She only sees Steve Harrington. 

“Nancy. This isn’t you.” Barb says, sadly. 

“I’m fine, Barb. Just go, both of you.”  

Nancy races upstairs without looking back. I scoff shaking my head. Unbelievable. I turn towards the door grabbing Barbs arm. 

“Let’s go.” I snap. 

I am stunned when Barb resists. She looks at me with sympathy and I immediately know what she’s about to say. 

“I’m gonna stay here…” 

“Barb, are you serious?” I exclaim. I don’t care how loud I’m being. 

“I know, I know,” Barb says pinching the bridge of her nose. “But I can’t leave her here.” 

“She just told us to go home and I don’t know about you, but I’m not staying where I’m not wanted.” 

“I just can’t leave Nancy here alone.” 

My chest feels hollow. What about me? I want to ask. Barb was supposed to be our ride home. With Nancy staying and Barb staying with her, I had no way of getting home. But I refuse to linger around while Nancy stays upstairs with Steve. I can’t call my parents; I’m not supposed to be here across town. I’ll get in so much trouble, I doubt I’ll be able to leave my house for anything other than school and dance for a long time. I can’t risk it. I look at the door behind me. The thought of walking home alone scares me and I wish Barb would leave Nancy and come with me. Be with me, like I’ve been with her when she cut her hand. 

My nostrils flare as I push down the tears brimming my eyes. No. This is your mess, Diana. You have to fix it. I swallow the lump forming in my throat and I stand straight holding my head high.  

“If that’s what you want to do,” I say quietly. “I’m going home.” 

“Are you going to call your parents?” Barb asks, eyes slightly wide. 

I shake my head, putting my jacket on. “I’m just going to walk.” 

“Walk!? Diana, c’mon. Just stay here—” 

“No, I can’t.” I say with finality. 

Looking defeated, Barb nods her head, pulling me in for a hug. “Be safe. Please.” she whispers. 

I hold Barb tight, breathing in her floral scent. Neither of us let go for a long moment and a part of me feels like this hug was a…farewell. I release myself from her hold and glance down at her finger. It’s still bleeding, drenching the white tissue paper a bright red. 

“You be safe too, Barb. Please find a bandage for your finger.” 

“Yes, mom.” Barb teases. 

I smile and it feels genuine. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” 

NEXT -> PART V

[polyamorousmood]

hi! i'd love to get some sympathy/advice/etc from other ppl about this. so long story short my girlfriend (wonderful amazing great i am so happy with her) has a boyfriend, and i at first their rs was meant to be ephemeral, but then things changed and they realized they could make a longform commitment work out, so they tried! problem is, during the trial run, the guy realized poly wasnt working for him and he failed to communicate this well, so it caused a situation where he was very much just fishing for my partner to get in a closed rs with him. when she expressed how hurtful and wrong that was, he apologized and changed his behavior and after some more various ups and downs we've now settled into a pretty good situation where he's giving polyamory a serious try and seems sincerely committed to making it good! i trust my gf wholeheartedly and i want nothing but the best for them both, and for that brief period of time where it was ok we even had 3person dates and really special interactions, so i came to sincerely like guy a decent bit and i am cautiously but sincerely optimistic. however, by having to admit shit to himself, he's now of the mind that he'd like a much more segmented-off rs with my partner, which is fine, but also the resentment he felt towards not being able to have my gf all to himself made him lose his positive feelings towards me and now he expresses a (his words) 'goodwilled indifference' and we havent even Talked since he tried to effectively ultimatum my gf out of being poly. and that is just SO hurtful when i know i did absolutely nothing wrong to warrant the loss of what i felt was a genuinely precious and positive connection, and like, the first time ive had the chance to have a metamour! like as someone who really cares about learning how to admit fault i really cannot stress enough how much i didnt do jack shit here i was just vibing and trying to be nice and now it's just this sad thing i have to deal with. i know it has everything to do with his own preferences and insecurities and nothing to do with me, but i still feel a big child-like sense of betrayal and injustice and it makes me want to be mean and bitter and defensive ("well if you dont give a shit about me and wanna pretend i don't exist, then im gonna do the same! how do you like that, huh?" type beat). i know those feelings are to be worked with and worked through instead of acted upon, but it's still hard :-( i dont really miss *him*, really, i just miss not being in a polycule that has a member who struggles so much with polyamory. and though i trust her deeply, i am still sad and worried that this is a precarious situation that can end up hurting my partner and hampering her ability to feel free and happy in polyamory, which only adds to my mistrusting of the guy. anyone else in a similar situation, havin' to work with a poly-newbie metamour or something similar? im not crazy for getting bad vibes, despite my best hopes for them? thank you either way, i dont know enough poly people irl and ive been bursting with this shit for a bit so it helps even to just ramble it out

Yeah, I've been in similar places. Just putting the read more immediately because I don't have a good pithy introduction. But uh, TL;DRI guess? 🤷‍♀️: its totally fair for you to struggle with some negative feelings. But you are still in it together (even if he's pretending you don't exist) and the only way to the other side is through.

Its shitty, its exhausting, its infuriating. And it's all the more frustrating that you like... don't even WANT to be mad at him cause he DID apologize and now he IS trying to change the shitty parts, so you WANT to encourage that. Feels very

And it puts your mutual partner in the tough spot of having to balance⚖️ things between you two if he's unwilling to talk to you. And like, you're stuck waiting for him to come around, you can't even really DO anything, its all on HIM to prove he's not going to be an asshole forever.

And you kinda resent him for causing this much trouble basically all on his own! And then thinking he can still get all the good shit after stirring the pot! Like he tried to break you up and now you have to be the bigger person?? What kinda bullshit--

Fucking. Sucks.

I do have some advice, though as with most things, its not magic 🪄

🤬Be mad for a little bit! Allow yourself to feel it. You're not gonna wallow 🐖there, but let it hit you full force how much you dislike being in this bullshit situation. Maybe have a cry about it or throw some darts at his picture 🎯. Then, and only then,

Set it aside. Set the anger aside in your mind, set the situation aside in your discussions. Say "yup, sucks. Moving on..." and enjoy the good parts of your life.

As part of that, remember polyamory is a big ask for people who've never done it before. Him even just politely ignoring you is likely, in his mind, him compromising on everything he's believed in for years and the fundamentals of what his life will look like. That's a big deal. It's hard to do after there was previously a higher standard set, but try to give him some credit for that anyway. (Again. You are probably going to have to Be Mad first to be able to do this. That's okay. Don't skip ahead.)

I don't think having approximately the same attitude back is necessarily a bad strategy. Maybe don't do it with the petulance you presented in the ask 😝 but if you're able to just gently, non-judgmentally accept neutrality as a mode of operating with him... might save you a lot of trouble honestly🤷. Warmth is great and all, but I think it runs the risk of you burning out and feeling greater resentment down the line if it stays one sided (but you know yourself better than I do, so if you can handle it, power to you).

Know your feelings about this really well. Know what you're good with 👍, know what bothers you but you're willing to do for the good of the polycule😖, and know what really upsets you👎. Is this something you can make work long term? What changes would you need to have it work long term (including progress from him, accommodations from your partner, etc)?

Consider confronting him directly. You'll know better if that's actually a good idea in this situation than I will, but consider it. It may help you move past things to air your feelings, it may help him understand you better and vice versa, and it may lay the groundwork for a more functional relationship down the line. I must admit bias here. It is VERY important to me that things can be relaxed with my metas. The idea of refusing to engage with me feels like they're refusing to engage with the very concept of polyamory, and I that cannot work in my life - like, I run a poly blog you can guess how I value polyamory 😂 If you can be comfortable with something closer to parallel polyamory, this may be unnecessary.

And of course, through all of this, you have to talk to your partner. All of it. If you have a tendency to martyr yourself so as not to stress your partner out, overpower that tendency for this one. You are NOT doing your partner any favors by doing bottling it up. 🍾

For example, earlier I said your partner is going to have to balance things between you and your meta. It may be tempting to think you can spare her some of that by shrinking your feelings and needs, so maybe you'll just bite your tongue. However, she has to do the work anyway, and forcing her to work with incomplete information actually makes the balancing that much harder. While you shouldn't harp on them about it, she should know where you're at in all this. You owe your partner the ability to make informed decisions, and your happiness and ability to sustain a certain set-up is going to be an important factor to them! Tell them your misgivings, tell them if its going to take you some time to forgive him his bullshit, tell them if you are okay with something in the short term but don't know if you can spring it long term, tell them if you need a break from thinking about the whole damn situation. (And of course, as always, tell your partner when something feels good or is going well 😊)

It can be recovered. It will require patience. Hang in there. 🤗 I admire your commitment to figuring it out, and it sounds like you have a splendid partner who is just as committed to making it workable. I'm rooting for you all 💙💖🖤

[fangirling-heart]

It's a first for me and quite honestly I am pretty nervous but...

I'm making a post about my OCs!!!

Yay!!! 🎉

And since I can't draw to save my life, I used this picrew to present them, one of them you might recognize since I have introduced him in a tag game. Anyway here they are:

Starting with the familiar one, the 17 year old Achilles. He's the protagonist of an original story I'm working on and simply put, he's not okay. He lives with an emotionally and physically abusive father and a neglectful mother who cares more about her husband and their image than her son, and they both put a lot of pressure on him to be perfect in every way and also make sure he doesn't ruin the family's image in any way (a big part of which is hiding the signs of his father's abuse). In terms of a support system, he doesn't really have one since breaking up with his girlfriend, Ange, who also happens to be/have been his best friend, and his one other friend is...not that great. His only solace comes from reading and photography (and poetry but he would never admit it), but when even that isn't enough, his mind ends up in a really dark place and he tries something drastic. But thanks to a certain someone's intervention, he doesn't go through with it and as much as he (claims he) doesn't want to, he has to learn how to live again... in more ways than one.

Birthday: March 5

Sign: Pisces

Sexuality: Biromantic asexual

Likes: Photography, poetry, reading, watching and commenting movies, playing video games, rain, junk food, heights, dancing, history, mystery novels, Linkin Park (Ange constantly teases him for it), comics, rom-coms (when they aren't too cliché), motorcycles

Dislikes: His parents (his father especially), school, most sports, heat, having his privacy violated, being made fun of for his interests, big crowds, expectations, loneliness

The special someone I mentioned before. This is Ephraim, the reason Achilles stays alive and the one person he cannot shut out (both much to his dismay). The reason for that and the reason he appears wearing the same clothes as Achilles is because, after the event that saved the latter's life, the two of them end up sharing a body. Simply put, Ephraim is a ghost that possesses him. He can get control of his body and speak in his thoughts, but his actual appearance is visible only in reflective surfaces and luckily for them both not all the time, just when Ephraim chooses to surface. He possesses Achilles, thinking the two would be able to trade places, but instead he basically just hitches a ride in his body and his life. As for the reason he wished to possess him in the first place, he did it because he wants a chance to live again but most of all to find out what happened to his boyfriend, Mario, from whom he got violently separated before he died. And while he sees Achilles as a means to his ends at first, the two form a genuine bond over time.

Birthday: August 1

Sign: Leo

Sexuality: Gay

Likes: Nature, sunny days, ice cream, driving, fire, rain, shadow puppetry, learning new things, music, dogs, hugs, Achilles' poetry and photos, messing with asshole authority figures, spicy food

Dislikes: Being confined, being bossed around, talking about his death, homophobes and assholes in general, people making fun of Achilles, having to wait, ghost stories (he finds the way ghosts are portrayed offensive and unimaginative), feeling helpless, cold

And last one (for now). Ange (short for Angelica) is Achilles' ex girlfriend and best friend since childhood. Growing up the two were always together (the fact that they lived in the same building and shared a love for cinema and cameras helped with that) and long before they got together it was clear to everyone there were sparks flying between them. They were a classic childhood friends to lovers story, but after 2 years of dating, when Ange realized they both wanted and needed very different things from a relationship, as much as it hurt them both, she broke up with Achilles and the two haven't really spoken since, due to it being too awkward and painful. Though her homelife isn't as bad as Achilles' and she has other friends besides him, since the two broke up she has also been feeling very lonely and missing him, but doesn't dare to approach him, because she hates herself for hurting him and thinks he hates her too. It isn't until Ephraim comes along that they start kinda talking again (due to him pretty much forcing Achilles to talk to her).

Birthday: March 22

Sign: Aries

Sexuality: Straight or bisexual, I'm still figuring this out

Likes: Watching and commenting on movies, photography, making videos, directing, cinematography, animation, cake, dark humor, amusement parks, sunsets, puzzles, baggy clothes, late night walks, strawberries

Dislikes: Fake people, being underestimated, being judged, loneliness, people making fun of her work, makeup, gossip, visiting her grandparents, puppets

[oxpogues4lifexo]

Keeping up with the Camerons

TumblrTV

Keeping up with the Camerons

Episode 2 - A Helping Hand - Part 1

Episode transcript (/ means cut scene, bold italics means narrator, bold means host)

Word Count: 4.5 K

Full Episode Here - 13.5K Words

//

Coming up!

/

“You just know they’re doing it”

/

“He’s a person like the rest of us. Ward just fails to realise it.”

/

“She’s a princess and he’s.. well.. the devil at his finest.”

/

“God just kiss already..”

/

“Your sister! Has been talking to the Pogue down on the south side.”

/

“Bella’s with that asshole today ain’t she! Gonna go check on her be right back.”

/

“You uh you know Sarah?”

“I’ve been speaking to her actually..”

/

“Rafe!! What the hell is wrong with you?”

/

“I wasn’t talking to you was I?”

/

“That’s my job! And it has been for 16 years.”

//

Kooks. And Pogues. Two tribes. One island.

Or in this case..

The Camerons. Kildare. One family. The whole island.

I am your host Ryan Seacrest, and THIS is Keeping up with the Camerons!

This episode includes the bts footage the Camerons don’t know you can see, forgetting that there are cameras in every crevice of their life not just in the hands of my camera crew! (Written in pink)

//

“We have a busy day today! I’m taking Bella down to the docks where we’re going to help out with the boats. That’s what we do around here, we help out, do charity work! It makes you a better person. Me and Bella do it whenever she’s got a free day from the club. Other days it’s just me on my own. She likes to help out, it’s like payback for me letting her into my home. That’s what she says anyways!” Ward chuckles, his hand running through his fluffy strands. Today, Ward’s dressed more casually. A pair of dark blue jeans hugged around his legs with a checkered shirt sat loosely on his torso; the top few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up. His watch still held around his wrist tightly.

/

“Right! Bella up and attem sweetheart!! Big day ah-“ He claps his hands before pausing in the hall between his office and the living room, frowning at the room infront of him. The boys were all sat around the living room, shouting and swearing as the tv shows their video game. Topper and Callum were playing a heated 1v1.

Ward steps closer as his brow furrows, looking round into the kitchen before his eyes take the back of Rafe’s head, “Where’s Bella?”

Rafe swings his head round, mouth wide as if he realised something horrible; infact he was just shocked to see his dad still here. It was around 10:30 and the sun had filled the room; but Ward had been talking with Ryan all morning. “She’s..” He stands up suddenly, his hands pushing through his hair as his eyes widen. “She’s in my room! I’ll go get her.” He jogs up the stairs, his sneakers squeaking up every step.

Ward goes over to the others, “What’s this your playing?”

“Shh shh, hang on!” Topper waves him away as he sits forward on his knees.

“They’re playing COD!” Kelce explains not taking his eyes off the screen.

“Like the fish?” Ward questions genuinely, confused as to what any of this means.

Kelce gives him a laugh as he shakes his head, an answer hanging from his lips before Callum screams, “Fuck!!” He slams the controller on the table sitting back as his hands run over his face.

Topper laughs at him, high-fiving Kelce. “Aw someone a sore loser?”

Callum doesn’t answer, but only stares at him. Ward laughs away the tension, “You lot here all day?” He leans his hands against the back of the couch behind Toppers head.

Sarah comes downstairs, walking over to Ward and wrapping her arms round his belly as she rests her head on his chest. “Good morning beautiful..” He kisses the top of her head.

Topper looks up at Ward, giving Sarah a smile, “Nah I’m out with Sarah today!”

“I’m staying with Rafe.” Callum spreads his legs, his pink shorts sitting up to his knees as a light t-shirt hangs from his body. His big arms hooked around the back of his head, his fingers fiddling with the small patch of sandy hair at the nape of his neck.

/

“Yeah I don’t mind them letting themselves over. I mean Toppers dating my daughter and Callum’s welcome whenever. It’s just nice to know when and where, you know? If I’m coming home from a stressful day I’d wanna know if I’m going to have to deal with lots of people around my house. Especially with the cameras here at the moment.”

/

Rafe reaches his room, knocking on the door lightly, "Bella?"

"Come in!" Bella exclaims bubbly. He lets himself in, peaking round the door incase she was changing despite her offer to come inside.

"Hey." She smiles softly, pulling her top over her head. Rafe goes over to help her, pulling her hair out her top.

"Hey." The corners of his lips lift as his eyes catch hers for a moment; Bella blushes, giggling nervously as she walks past him; sitting on the edge of the bed to slip her shoes on.

"Wards ready to leave!" Rafe kneels down, taking the laces from her hands and tying them gently.

A smile forms against Bella's lips as she sits back up, "I know. I woke up late. Wheezie came in like five minutes ago saying she's going out."

Rafe laughs along under his breath, tapping her shoe as a 'there you go' before moving to the next. "You out all day? Was hoping to do something with you today. We haven't really seen each other this week. Kinda miss you.." He mutters, almost too quiet but she nods along, a small smile pulling at her cheeks.

She leans down, lifting a bit of hair that had fallen over Rafe's eye, "I'm sure we could do something later! Maybe we could go out on the boat or something?" She reassures, lifting her words near the end to bring his attention up to her.

He nods, a smirk tugging at his lips as he stands up, putting out his hand for her to take,

"Okay. Cant wait." He places a kiss to her head as he wraps his arm around her neck, hand still holding hers as he takes her downstairs.

/

"Me and Rafe rarely ever get time alone really, I mean we don't have any reason to see each other outside of our friend group because what more is there to do? But I can never really tell if he means it or not you know. Like if he really does want to see me or he's just saying it because he feels like he has to!" Bella shrugs, a slight frown crossing her brows as she forces a smile. "It doesn't really matter." She throws her hands up as she lets out a quiet laugh.

//

“You look after her a’ight. Wan’ her back here in one piece.” Callum demands, his eyebrows raising as his eyes lock onto Ward. Wards face scrunches in offence, his words making Ward sound incapable of taking care of someone.

“She’ll be fine Callum.” He answers plainly, fed up with his constant distrust.

“Here you are sir!” Rafe steps down from the stairs, holding his hand out towards Ward as he takes Bella’s hand to help her walk down ahead of him. The others look up as she giggles.

The boys all look at one another and laugh, muttering something the cameras were unable to pick up.

/

“Rafe’s definitely.. different around Bella. When he’s with her too long he gets um..” Topper pauses, his fingers meeting the bridge of his nose as he holds back from laughing again.

Callum places his arm on Topper’s shoulder as he moves into shot, “He turns soft! Thats what happens. He forgets he’s a guy.” Topper snickers, removing himself from the shot to calm himself down. “I mean he just..”

Topper takes a deep breath as he stands back up, Cal’s arm taking his shoulder once again, very evidently showing off his height. “He means that Rafe seems to age down when around her for too long. As if he’s not almost a 20 year old man! He loses his sense of decency.”

“To be honest I don’t even know who he is around her.” Callum grumbles, scratching his brow and Topper nods along.

“Nah you just know they’re doing it.” Toppers obvious lie forces him to laugh despite trying to hold it back. The thought in Callum’s mind causes him to physically gag as he sticks up his middle finger to Toppers face and leaves, back inside.

Topper snickers, looking back at the camera once more, shrugging his shoulders, “I mean we’d never know even if they were, don’t know why I’m the bad guy?” He lets out a menacing laugh before running inside back to annoy Callum.

/

“Ah there you are!” Ward announces, as Sarah takes herself from his hold. She joins Topper on the couch whilst Ward pulls Bella in for a hug.

“You’re welcome..” Rafe mutters to himself, rolling his eyes as he goes back over to the couch and takes the controller for himself. Bella’s eyes follow him heavily.

/

“I see the way Ward treats Rafe. He doesn’t care. Or atleast he doesn’t let on that he cares! It kills to see Rafe the way he gets when Ward doesn’t appreciate him. Like earlier when he expected atleast a ‘thank you’ for something. I don’t know what it was but I knew he was upset over it! He tries so hard for him yet Ward doesn’t notice.” Bella bats her lashes, dabbing the corners of her eyes that teared up by the mere thought of Rafe being treated the wrong way. “Sorry!” She laughs at herself, waving a hand over her face as she sniffles; calming herself back into sanity.

“He um.. he calls me a lot during the night when me and Cal are at home, to ask if I’d stay up with him and just talk. I hate hearing him sniffling and stuff across the phone and not being able to do anything. I do try my best for Rafe, he deserves it from atleast someone!” She smiles softly, looking through the glass doors at Rafe on the couch. With a shrug of her shoulders she speaks up again, “He’s a person like the rest of us. Ward just fails to realise it.”

/

“Well kids we’re off! See you tonight for dinner.” His hand finds Sarah’s head as he squeezes lightly, causing a small laugh to fall from her lips as the others say their goodbyes.

Wards hand meets Bella’s as he guides her to the door, she turns back and waves one last ‘bye’ to the cameras before they make their way out to the car outside.

Ward holds the door for Bella as she lifts herself into the passenger seat. She wore a floral pink skirt and a white tank top as the weather today was a hot one.

“So I’m guessing it’s your episode today?” Bella watches Ward drive, focusing on the road and she glances back at the camera.

“Yep! I’m first. We’re going to the docks today aren’t we?” He turns to her, smiling brightly as he nods his head towards her, his voice soft and calming.

/

“Does he always speak to you like that?”

“Like what sorry?” She tilts her head, confused as Ward hadn’t spoken to her in quite a while. She was sat on the edge of one of the piers, her feet swinging just above the waters surface, next to a friendly face.

“Shit you don’t hear it Bell’?” She looks at him, eyes wide, brows furrowed. Not understanding what exactly she’s missing. “He babies you so hard!”

“He does not??” She watches his expressions as he snickers under his breath, his lips squished shut to try not letting it out. “John B stop!!” She pushes his face to get him to stop but it only makes it worse. He lets out a loud cackle.

“He so does Bella! Like everyone sees it!! But you know.. it’s cos your his favourite ‘n all.” He raises his eyebrows, tilting his head towards her so their noses were touching.

She giggles, forcing a frown on her brows as she sighs. “Shut up..”

He sits up suddenly, holding his chest in his palm, his mouth fallen agape as he stares at her. She giggles once more, “Okay.. maybe he does a- a little?”

“That’s the closest you’re gonna get to a yes so take it!” John B shrugs at Ryan, Bella looks up at him in disbelief as she smacks his chest, “She abuses me! You see that?”

She tuts rolling her eyes to the camera, “I do not!! Tell him I don’t!” She pleads to him, desperation filling her eyes as her kindness is very dear to herself.

He laughs again, pulling her into him, his arm sat round her neck, “Nah she’s nice I guess.” He playfully rolls his eyes, rubbing his fist through her hair. She sits up, pulling away from his grip as she stares at him. He lifts himself from the pier and runs the opposite direction quickly followed by Bella as she shouts for him.

/

“She’s probably the nicest person on the island if I’m being honest. Like if you need her, she’s there you know.” John B laughs, his hand pushing his hair from his face. “It’s why I don’t understand how she’s friends with Rafe?? Like she could’ve been friends with atleast Sarah or something you get what I’m saying. But no. Rafe. They’re like the complete opposites, she’s a princess and he’s.. well.. the devil at his finest. It doesn’t make sense. But I guess when she looks the way she does and she’s as sweet as she is, you don’t really care who you're friends with.”

/

“Yes!” She turns her body back to the cameras, holding that same precious smile she always wears. “We normally just help out with the boats and transport anything the others can’t. It’s an easy day to be fair! Theres alot of people down there to help.”

“You spend your time with that John B kid don’t you!” Ward brings up, trying to keep the conversation going, “Those two are practically siblings. Always messing about and not actually helping.” He takes a moment to look at her, raising an eyebrow.

She giggles, eyes widening at the camera as Ward rats her out, “Umm.. no?” She mutters, rolling her eyes playfully. “I mean we make helping out fun! That.. that counts?”

“Mm..” Ward agrees unconvincingly, letting out a small chuckle before turning the corner to the docks; he places his hand gently against her stomach to urge her to sit back in her chair, “She is a big help nonetheless!” She smiles in the rearview mirror at the camera.

His hand squeezes her knee before stopping the car. “You want to entertain for a moment I have to go sort something out..” he mutters to her and she merely nods, pulling a smile on her lips as she gets out the car.

She guides Ryan and the camera crew down to the piers, waving and saying hello to the men passing by.

“Hey darling! How’re you this morning?”

“Hi Heyward, I’m good thank you! Howre you?”

“I’m alright thanks sweetheart! Just hot is all.”

The sun was high up in the sky; clear of clouds as the temperature grew warmer. The water was reflecting like crystals along the shore and against all the boats as the old wood of the piers creaked with every step of each body that walked over it. The wind picked up and fell, evident in the way Bella’s hair would sway in the wind and her skirt would lift and drop as she skipped.

Ryan’s, and the crew’s, eyes sat proudly on her face. The whole parade Ward threw yesterday caused a slight uneasiness amongst the group. Bella bounced along the docks before stopping infront of a fishing shop more locally known as ‘Hooks and Kooks’.

“So this is where we work!” She holds her hands up to show off the area. “Over there..” she points at the rows of boats, covered in masses of men heaving boxes, “..Is where we put all the fish and equipment to transport! Andddd,” she looks around before pointing her manicured nail at a young boy, “That’s John B! He's currently.. he’s refilling the diving equipment on the boats!”

The camera zooms in on the boy, his hair fluffy and windswept. He wore a grey bandana loosely around his neck with a pair of blue shorts and a washed T-shirt that looked as though it was covered in some sort of substance; blood, water, something or other. He was carrying a large metal tank back into one of the boats, his muscles sweating under the sun.

As the camera pulls back, Bella had begun her way over, “John B!” She waves as he notices her. He drops the tank down before hopping out the boat and a large smile appears on his face. He rubs his sweat-covered hands on his shirt, before running one through his hair, pushing away the strands from his eyes.

She reaches him, opening her arms as he pulls her into his chest deeply.“Long time no see Bells! Thought you were dead.” He laughs against her ear making her pull away and frown, tilting her head as she laughs.

“Thanks for checking up.” She stares at him and he just lets out a laugh, his hand finding his hair once again as the wind took over its movement.

“So uh.. you got caught up in the show then?” He nods his head toward Ryan.

“Mhm!” She nods, following his gaze to the cameras beside them. “Well I kinda walked in on it yesterday and now Wards dragged me along today so.. I guess I have!” She giggles, her cheeks reddening at the realisation. She plays with the hem of her skirt as John B looks back at the cameras.

Ryan nods, lifting a hand to him. “I’m Ryan!” He steps forward giving him a hand. John B takes it and smiles, nodding back, “I’m John B!” He turns back to Bella, “Where’s Ward?”

She shrugs scratching at her eyebrow as she looks around, “He said he had to do something. So we’re in charge now!” She laughs, bouncing up on her toes to hook her arm around his neck; her head rested against his.

“Hm..” he chuckles, looking at her as his hand finds the small of her back, “I’m liking the sound of this.”

//

"Heyward!" Ward announces, open arms and a big grin.

"Hey Mr C! Looking good today as always." He nods, a smile pulling at his lips.

"Same to you Bob. What was the issue?" He looked around, frowning at the lack of problems.

Heyward bends a finger, gesturing him to follow as he leads him out to his boat; pointing to the crates of groceries inside, "It's all gone off! All of it! I left it all in ice over night but it's all mouldy already. We can't give that out to the island like that but it's too late to order in more?" His brows furrow as he turns back to await Wards response.

Ward bites his lip, a brow dipped as he holds his jaw, contemplating the options. He walks back off inside, causing only more confusion to drown Heyward.

"-Yes.. please!" Ward steps back outside, squinting under the sun whilst scanning the groceries. "That'll do thank you!" He nods as he pushes his phone back in his pocket, looking up at Heyward with a grin. "Sorted! More groceries will arrive anytime now." He pats Heywards shoulder.

"What- How? I mean thank you!"

Ward chuckles, "I know a few people."

"Thank you Ward!"

/

“Sorry I had to go speak to Heyward about the transport. He called me earlier to say there was trouble!” Ward readjusted his watch as he steps outside to the cameraman that waited for him. “The kids alright? Doing good work?” He speaks to the man behind the camera as if he was allowed to answer but Ward knew he couldn’t. He just wanted to make conversation for the audience.

He makes his way down to the pier where the two were working.

“Hey Mr Cameron!” A blonde boy tips his cap to Ward as another boy around the same age steers the boat into an empty spot.

“Hi JJ. Call me Ward remember kid?”

“Jayj!!!” Bella shouts, dropping a crate of fish quickly, causing John B to flinch slightly. He looks up and watches as Bella runs off towards the other boy.

“Bella?” He frowns as he opens his arms for her to jump into, spinning her around fast on his feet. He squeezes her tightly, letting her feet feel the ground without letting go. “Shit I’ve missed you..” He mutters as a smile pulls at his lips.

“Yeah I missed you too, J!” She goes in for another hug, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Bella, working remember?” Ward pipes up, almost ordering her as she lifts herself from JJ’s grip with a slight groan.

“Yes ma’am!” She takes JJ’s hat, tipping it to him and placing it to her head before skipping off back to help John B. JJ follows suit, placing himself on a wooden crate beside the boat.

Ward chuckles to himself as he presses a palm to the last boys back, “Pope!”

“Sir!” He nods to him, heading off in the opposite direction.

“So me and Bella are loading up all the boats, these boys here are taking them around the island and John B’s handling the equipment!” Ward recaps despite Bella’s explanation previously. “They’re a great help despite everything my son speaks about them. It’s funny how one persons point of view can be completely different to your own!”

“Ward, helping remember?” Bella looks at him, hands on her hips as she raises an eyebrow. Her foot tapping away at the floor of the pier.

He laughs unknowingly as his eyebrows jerk at her words. He jogs over and before she could react to the realisation of his next move, he had already tackled her; pulling her over his shoulder and spinning her around across the wood. Giggles and struggles left her mouth, causing the boys next to them to smile.

JJ watches, his lips never shifting. “You gotta stop before you bust bro.” John B nudges his side with an elbow.

“Shut up man!” He pushes his arm off him. “Cant be happy to see my best friend again?”

“Little too happy if you ask-” He mutters before getting cut short by the palm of JJ’s hand meeting the back of his head; a groan falling from his lips.

“Boys behave!” Ward had dropped Bella by now, making his way over to the two. “Jesse don’t you have jobs to do?”

JJ shrugs, “Nah I got like 5 minutes bro don’t worry ‘bout me!” He chuckles, enjoying the look on Ward’s face.

“Ward, can I talk to JJ until he leaves? I haven’t seen him all week!” Bella hops over, pulling a sweeter smile than the last if that was somehow possible. She holds her hands behind her back as she sways side to side, trying her absolute best to convince him as if he needed convincing in the first place.

He sighs, knowing the answer before she even asked the question; nodding, causing her to jump up and down like a child. “Five minutes!” He holds up a hand to her face and she giggles.

“Thank youuuu, thank you, thank you!!” Bella sings as she hugs him. He steps out the way and takes John B back to the boat to finish with the crates.

“So Bells, how's your boyfriend?” JJ swings his feet against the wooden crate that held him up, a small grin pulling at his cheeks, already knowing the answer.

Bella groans, her eyes rolling, "He’s not my boyfriend Jayj, you know that." She states firmly, clearly annoyed by the question; JJ mouthing back the words with a smirk as she spoke didn't help the obvious irritation of the subject.

"Yeah well I beg to differ! He’s taking up all your time, I don’t see you no more mama." His face (a small pout and his eyes wide) making it obvious how serious he meant his words.

She notices, reciprocating his expressions as she almost pleads, "No J, I’ve been stuck at work all week I told you that! It’s not his fault."

He scoffs under his breath, his eyebrows jerking as his eyes take the keys in his lap, "Excuses, excuses.."

"Jayj.." She practically begs as her eyes tear up, her eyelashes batting away the urge to cry as her brows knit together through pure frustration.

He laughs at her but couldn't hide the slight lip quiver caused by the sight infront of him; scratching at his brow to distract himself, "I’m just teasing ma, I know!"

Bella's eyes lift as her mouth falls wide, her brows forming into a frown, "Don't do that!" She lifts herself onto her toes to land a smack on his head, forcing a sound of pain to fall from his mouth as he grips his hair, "Making me feel bad J.."

JJ opens his mouth to apologise but before he could, his attentions pulled away, "JJ!" Pope waves to him, shaking the boat keys in the air to tell him it's ready.

"Oh bro I gotta go Pope needs me! See you round?" He jumps off the crate with a ‘thud’, tapping his hand to Bella's arm.

Her eyes fall as another frown takes her face, "What?? But.. JJ! You're so busy all the time I never see you anymore!" She whines mockingly as she pushes her bottom lip out, tilting her head for more sarcasm.

He bites the inside of his cheek, a smirk pulling at the corners of his lips as a small breathy laugh falls from his tongue, "… shut up!" He glares at her, only causing another giggle to fill the painful silence.

She smiles, holding in the laugh as her face tenses, forcing a strong complexion to take her features, “Never!”

JJ can’t help but laugh once more before shaking his head, taking his hat off her head and smoothing back his hair to place the hat ontop. “You’re a funny one Bells!” He flashes her a quick wink before spinning his keys around his finger and heading over toward the other boy.

Her brows wobble at her contemplation that clearly took over her face. Her mouth opens and closes before lifting to a soft smile, “Hey Jayj??” She shouts over the noise of creaking wood and middle-aged men yelling; her hands lifting to surround her mouth, tunnelling the sound.

His head swings back, lifting his hat slightly to block the incoming sun from above, “Yeah??”

“Love you!!” She blushes at her own words, squinting her eyes in the sunlight as her skirt gently swayed against her thighs.

JJ laughs against his breath, “Yeah love you too asshole!!” He steps onto the boat beside him.

They both quickly raise their fists, sticking out their middle fingers; causing them both to drop a throaty laugh at one another before turning away and heading back to their previous intentions.

John B stood with his arms crossed, his eyebrows raised as he fought to keep his hair in place against the wind, “God just kiss already..” He mumbles loud enough that she hears as she walks over. The words finding her focus and her head jolts up.

All that was picked up from the camera was the back of Bella’s head and John B’s widened eyes at her notice; Bella lifts her arms to shove him close to the edge of the pier deck. He stumbles backwards, catching himself on one of the wooden beams holding up the pathway. Bella laughs and he merely watches her from afar, keeping his distance as she snorts, uncontrollably laughing, causing a snicker to fall from his own mouth.

/

“I honestly couldn’t tell you what the hell the thing between them is. I mean half the island thinks she’s with Rafe and the other half JJ. So it’s not only this underlying rivalry between Kooks and Pogues, it’s much deeper than that in the sense that The Cut is team JJ and Figure Eight is team Rafe.” John B laughs to himself, “It’s like twilight in real life. But if I’m being honest..” he whispers, gesturing to the camera to come closer, glancing back at Bella who sat on the boat behind him, “I don’t think she likes either of them. I mean it’s just how she is, she’s the same with me. Unless she’s a- no I won’t say that haha! But you get what I mean.”

Next Part Here

Short episodes are blue

Full episodes are pink

Short Masterlist

Full Masterlist

[tadpolejourney]

Day 4

Cool story, Astarion's a vampire spawn. He tried to bite me while I was lying in my bedroll last night. We talked it over, and I decided it was better to let him bite me. It sounds mad, but he was honest when I confronted him, and he did seem weaker than the rest of us in battle. It hurts really fucking bad to be bitten by a vampire, surprise to no one. He seemed different after. Happy, stronger. He fought brilliantly today, nearly downed a bugbear assassin with one strike. I feel weaker today. I was a bit off during battle. Couldn't hit the broad side of a bugbear. Oh well. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.

It wouldn't shock me though if this was all an elaborate performance. Eyes of a predator after all, and predators know how to long con better than anyone. No matter. It's better at least some of the truth comes out now rather than later. I don't know enough about vampires or vampire spawn to say. He confided in me about what being a vampire spawn means, which is essentially a slave to a vampire master. He talked about how something is allowing him to walk in the sun and do things he normally couldn't, including being free of his master. Effects of a mindflayer parasite infection on a vampire spawn? Doesn't seem like there would be a book on that subject. But then again what do I know, I'm 'unlettered'.

Yes, that's still bothering me. ANNOYING.

Speaking of annoying, he was unhappy with my decision to keep Astarion as an ally. Understandable, I suppose. When I spoke to him about it later he seemed more understanding of Astarion's condition. He told me he has some condition of his own where he'll get hungry for magical items and need to consume them. Naturally he refused to elaborate with anything more than threatening, ominous doom and gloom. So yeah, really normal stuff happening, really normal people out here.

Lae'zel did not give two shits about Astarion being a vampire spawn. Props to her for being open-minded.

We came upon a druid grove being defended from goblins by tieflings and mercenaries. One of the tieflings told me Baldur's Gate is a tenday's walk away. I really hope our travels don't lead there. That's where the tieflings want to go.

When we battled outside the gates of the druid's grove, there was a … warlock? Fighter? He was using dark magic and a sword at the same time, hence my confusion. When our minds collided I saw this hot devil woman he's obsessed with. He's hiding something like most of my newfound allies, and I can tell it's something big. He's a real hero type, though, like that seems to be his whole identity and purpose. Calls himself 'The Blade of Frontiers', one who answers the calling of a champion, here to save the innocents and slay the devils. I've acquired yet another truly sexy but deranged ally? I'm in trouble...

While we're on the topic of sexy and deranged allies, Shadowheart was at the grove! At first she seemed genuinely happy to see me, but immediately changed her tune when she saw Lae'zel. I guess fighting alongside her on the nautiloid was not enough to assuage Shadowheart's racism. She was excessively rude to me after I refused to part ways with Lae'zel. When I tried to speak to her in camp she refused to tell me anything at all about herself and seemed eager to be rid of me as soon as possible. She said something about me being the 'quick-to-anger' type with even less self-control than brains. Then she boasted about how great of a judge of character she is. Ha. She should consider herself lucky to have been completely wrong about me – otherwise she wouldn't have a fucking face.

Lae'zel treats me like I am an idiot too. All while she speaks of crackpot wisdom carved in stone and something something queen.

I wonder if it's my accent, the way I speak, my youth, or me refusing to be an asshole for no reason that makes everyone think I'm fucking stupid. It's tiresome.

I WANT A BATH.

<<< Day 3 | Index | Day 5 >>>

[altschmerzes]

oh i'm FASCINATED to hear what your thoughts on lost are so far

FAIR WARNING this is probably not going to be very nice to the show so if you're a big lost enjoyer and don't wanna see that this would be the time to keep scrolling. sorry for the delay also. guy who has been typing his thoughts and then getting distracted on a loop for several days.

basically: i don't know why, but i have been deeply compelled to watch the show lost recently. like, i genuinely don't have an explanation. i know i'd seen like, half of season one about a million years ago and have no memory of any of it so this is functionally my first go through it.

in short: i think it has its strengths and its weaknesses. to me, more weaknesses than strengths. i know opinion degraded as time went on but even just where i am now, i do not know why this thing has the like 'one of the best shows of all time' reputation that it has. i really, truly don't. like, it's fine, sometimes it's even good, but like. why do people talk about this like it is the pinnacle of television. it is however like, almost hypnotically watchable, and i keep going through like, handfuls of episodes at once.

more under the cut.

in long: so i'm on the early early episodes of season 2 and i already know that most of this show is mystery boxes inside mystery boxes half of which never really have a payoff that's satisfying and so i'm pre-emptively frustrated by that. it's like.... i would love to be excited by the mysteries that come up, but instead of getting to excitedly wonder 'oh wow i wonder what the explanation for that will be!' i'm instead sitting here thinking 'gee i hope that's one of the ones we get an answer to.' it's not a great feeling, and mostly i'm like. man why do they keep giving jj abrams creative authority over things. he's a good director, why do they keep ruining that by letting him WRITE too.

also there is so much weird racism and misogyny in here lmao. gd.

anyways. moving on to specifics.

i will confess i am a sucker for disaster survival scenarios. it's half the appeal of any apocalyptic thing to me, and this delivers. i'm enjoying the mystery boxes when i can put aside the fact that i might not get to see inside them at all, depending. i think the flashbacks are well structured and sprinkled in with effective timing and degrees of revealed information. i think one of my fave parts is how much of like... the Weird Shit in the flashbacks is just. not clear about whether or not it's related to the island? were the numbers hurley used to win the lottery actually cursed? does disaster and death follow walt around or is his former stepdad just an asshole and it's all a coincidence? what was up with the fucking psychic claire talked to? etc. that's one of the ones where i'd be fully comfortable with that question never being answered. it's satisfying as hell just to wonder.

characters! the extent to which i do not give a single fuck about jack, kate, and sawyer is amazing. like. they're all so resoundingly uninteresting to me. i actively think everyone here would be better off if sawyer was dead, because even for me (noted asshole with a heart of gold enjoyer, I KNOW, I KNOW) he is A Bit Fucking Much. if he does not ease up soon it's gonna be Bad. i mean it's already bad but. lmao. his best moments so far were telling jack about what jack's dad said to him in the bar and saving michael after the raft is destroyed. kate is just... everything about her is so overwrought and i'm just bored and a little embarrassed every time we have something focusing on her. i do like that she's abjectly doing shady shit sometimes, they should lean into that more. gaslight gatekeep girlboss etc. jack is so nothing it's amazing. he is baymax to me. he is not even baymax, baymax had more of a personality. why is he the protagonist of this show, he is such a generic white dude audience insert character.

i really love sun, hurley, charlie, claire, michael, walt, and - when he is not YELLING AT HIS WIFE - jin is okay too. i also really enjoy sayid and i have to say that like. i think they have massively fucked it up with his writing in several points, it's like. stereotypical and almost comically racist at times but i also have to like... idk, i do have a significant degree of legitimate respect for the swing they took with him in the first place, to be honest. it's like. idk. this was a show that aired in 2004, written and filmed before that, and i know his character made a lot of people Big Fucking Mad to have in a show about a plane crash as an unambiguously sympathetic and positively depicted character, missteps in his writing and all. it doesn't excuse the mistakes made with him obviously but the context in which he was written makes me like. idk. appreciate the fact that he exists, and kinda tip my hat to like. you guys Tried saying something here. i gotta respect that.

jin and michael's odd-couple friendship is extremely charming to me. hurley is the sweetie of all time and i really love how he just... is willing to interact with people on a straightforward level no matter who they are or what's going on? locke cracks me the fuck up. like all his magic healing disability and general premonition shit aside, it's extremely funny to me to watch grandpa survivalist finally get to LARP his dreams of being a hardcore jungle man. he is fucking insane gd blass.

i will say um. the less said about shannon and boone the better. eugh. literally why would you do that. like... it throws me so much every time someone finds out about That Whole Mess and literally does not react at all. before somebody screams and whines and cries about how IT'S FINE TO EXPLORE TABOO SUBJECTS IN FICTION STOP BEING A PURITAN YOURE BEING A FAN COP WAAAAAAA i'm not saying you can never write this sort of thing just like. literally why is the entire narrative framing of it a tragic starcrossed lover thing. why is nobody reacting like this is as nasty and weird as it is. lmao.

anyways.

here's some clips from my watching it, mostly based in how fucking funny i think jack's whole Situation is.