#i am calm about most things but god do i hate being sick

[mesaprotector]

I absolutely despise having a cold to a much greater degree than most people seem to (it's not "just a cold", it's a week of misery when I can't breathe or even sleep!) and one offshoot of that is I get absolutely crazy anxiety if I have to be around someone who seems like they have a cold (sniffling, sneezing, etc.). It literally drives me insane, and I've completely snapped a couple times when forced to be around a sick person for a long time. I have no trouble with flying/buses and so on normally but if I start hearing coughing I start to lose it. People are not understanding about this - they either laugh or are offended if I plead to change seats.

It overlaps with misophonia but it's not just that. Sometimes being around someone clearing their throat or chewing loudly will drive me insane even though I'm not worried they have a cold. But if they're sniffling but then I hear them say their allergies are really acting up - I actually stop feeling anxious!

[harlowsbby]

Too Much

Requested, Jack and You have been arguing a lot recently and you wonder if this relationship is even worth it anymore.

You sighed deeply as you stood up and began to clean up the house once again. You wiped the tears from your face shakily as you picked up the pillows from the floor.

You hated arguing with Jack because it always turned into a war of who could hurt the other the most with their words. Your latest argument was just about the lack of communication and time spent together.

Lately he’s been out and about doing God knows what and if we were being honest you’ve had enough of it. You just wanted him to be home and to spend time with you but it seemed like he’d rather be outside with his friends than be with you.

Flashback.

“All I’m saying is you’re never home anymore! You’re always out with your friends!” You yelled and slammed the front door shut. The last thing you wanted was for your neighbors to hear the two of you arguing like cats and dogs.

“Am I not allowed out? I’m sorry I didn’t realize this relationship came with all of these rules and regulations.” Jack fired back and ran a hand through his curls.

You sighed and tossed your purse onto the counter and went inside the fridge to pull out the ingredients you’d need for tonight.

“All I’m saying is it would be nice if you spent some time inside with me. You just came back from New York with Zack and now you’re talking about going out with the guys tonight.”

You really didn’t want to end tonight with the two of you ignoring one another you wanted to be able to talk things out like two grown adults but Jack wasn’t listening to anything you were saying.

“Baby I spend time with you all of the time like come on. I rarely see the guys.” You scoffed. “I call bullshit on that you’re always! And I mean always with them.” You said.

You hated the fact that you felt as if your relationship with Jack always came second to his friends. You understood that obviously he didn’t need to be with you all day everyday but you did love to spend time with him.

“Why do you care so much about what I do and who I choose to spend my time with?” He barked back.

“I just feel like you’re neglecting this relationship and I don’t feel like a priority.” Jack shook his head at you. He didn’t understand why you felt that way when he always put you on a pedestal he treasured you more than anything in the world.

“Maybe if you had friends.” He paused and had to think about what he was about to say. “Maybe if you stopped nagging me and found some friends you wouldn’t be so bothered about me hanging out with mine.” He muttered.

“What did you say?” You stopped cutting the onions and turned to face him. “I didn’t say anything.” He lied and went to tie up his shoes so he could quickly leave.

“No tell me what you said Jack.” You stepped to him almost as if you were urging him and daring him to repeat what he had just said.

He huffed and puffed his nostrils flaring as he was trying his best to calm down and to not let his anger get the best of him because he hated arguing with you, he found arguing to be pointless.

But in that moment he knew you weren’t planning on backing down and neither was he it was a war of words.

“I said maybe if you had friends of your own you wouldn’t be on my ass as much. I’m sick of you acting like you’re my mother or some shit.” He spat back and your face fell.

“Tell me how you really feel huh.” You stated and wrapped your arms over your chest. “I think it’s best you just go ahead and go out.” You told him and Jack frowned.

He felt like the biggest asshole he knew you were coming from a good place but his anger got the best of him this time around. “Wait come on Y/N I didn’t mean it.” He went to grab your elbow to pull you back but you pulled away from him.

“Just go Jack.” You breathed out. “I’ll see you later.” You told him and went back to cooking. Jack stood there for a bit a frown on his face and sighed before grabbing his car keys and wallets and leaving out the door.

You sighed and shook your head you truly and honestly hated fighting with Jack. But you couldn’t help but to think that your relationship with him was maybe coming to an end you knew thinking like that was wrong but I mean all you two ever did was bicker and argue.

Flashback over.

“Finally I can relax.” You moaned as you laid down in your bed, after you were done cleaning up you decided to take a much needed shower.

You stood in the shower till the water got hot just trying to clear your mind from what had happened earlier. You haven’t heard from Jack since he left and you weren’t sure if you were.

Usually after a fight or a disagreement he tended to spend the night at Urban’s house or with Nemo so you weren’t counting on him coming home tonight.

It was around eleven when your eyes started to grow heavy you tried your best to fight the sleep incase Jack did come home but in the end the lack of sleep you’ve been getting finally caught up to you and you were out flat.

You were woken up an hour or so later by the sound of things falling from downstairs. You quickly shot up from bed and grabbed the baseball bat Jack always left under your bed just in case.

“Shit, shit, shit.” You cursed as you lifted the baseball up above your head and tried your best to make your way down the creaky stairs without making any noise.

“Fuck.” The so called intruder yelled out and you froze. You knew you needed to do something soon or it would be your ass. You quickly lifted up the bat and just as you were about to swing the kitchen light came on.

“Jack you almost got fucking hit!” You groaned as he put his hands up as a form of self defense.

“So you just automatically think you can just start swinging what if you took my head off with that thing.” You rolled your eyes at how over dramatic he was.

“I thought you were an intruder.” You defended yourself. “All I heard was you bumping into things so I didn’t know who was here.”

“I couldn’t turn on the light I had so much shit in my hands. I was trying to navigate through the dark without being loud but I guess it didn’t work.” He laughed and scratched the back of his neck.

You looked behind him seeing he had a bunch of flowers and some of your favorites chocolates on the counter. “Is all of that for me?” You asked him and watched how his eyes lit up for a second.

“Oh yeah these are for you for earlier.” You nodded your head. “I’m really sorry for what I said baby I didn’t mean any of it.”

“I’m sorry too Jack I shouldn’t have acted the way I did I just don’t wanna lose you.” You mumbled he coo’d and pulled you into his chest.

“I promise you’ll never lose me just like how I’ll never lose you. You’re my forever no matter how much you wanna just slap me.” You both laughed. “I know you’ll always love me.” You giggled.

“Forever and ever.” He grinned and stuck out his pinky finger you shook your head but nonetheless stuck your pinky finger out as well and the both of you hooked your pinky fingers together.

“I love you.” He said. “I love you too now come on let’s get to bed I’m exhausted.” He frowned.

“Are you sure you’re tired I was thinking you know we can do a little bump and grinding.” He licked his lips. “Is that right?” You asked him and Jack nodded his head eagerly.

“I mean I suppose I have a few rounds in me.” That was all he needed to hear before he was lifting you up and taking you to the couch.

(Thank you @earthtoharlow for helping me! I’ve been struggling like a hoe to finish anything 😭 but I’ll have something up tomorrow for Jack’s birthday too)

[tan1shere]

Do you think you could please do something with eva like hurt/comfort ig? If you're comfortable maybe like reader had super bad anxiety and something triggers her and she basically has an anxiety attack and closes herself in her room but eva comforts her?

Here For You

Eva x female reader !

A/n: yes ofcourse ! If you are new here, welcome I am more than comfortable doing anxiety as I suffer from it and I know a thing or two about the stupid thing ! This is for my anxiety girlies I love you deeply <3 YOU ARE LOVED HEAPS !!!!!!

Summary: Eva helps calm you down when you need it most.

Warnings: anxiety, anxiety attack, think that's the main ones, lmk if I missed anything major !

Masterlist

It was as if you had been on edge lately and you had absolutely no idea why. Which worried you, why did you feel like this with no reasonable explanation. You have been traveling for awhile now to go see your long distance girlfriend, Eva. She had moved awhile back and you wanted to see a tour of her new place. You were tired, sick of driving. So you were incredibly thankful once you had pulled in, looking at the massive house infront of you. She greets you outside with a smile. "Hi baby girl." Her feet move towards your door instantly opening it. Your energy comes back, leaping out and into her arms. Wrapping your legs around her torso in the process. "I missed you." You say into her neck as you hug her tightly. Her hand makes its way into your hair gently stroking. "Not as much as I missed you."

After a few kisses it was time to see the inside. "This place is huge!" You beam, turning around in a circle to get a look at everything. "It is, has many rooms." You then look at her, smiling tiredly. "You look exhausted." She then says, coming over to you. You nod as a reply, sinking back into her touch. "I have some people coming over later on-" You pull away slightly to look at her. You were always an anxious person, social anxiety was a main. You hated meeting new people, you felt so incredibly awkward. Your brain makes you overthink, not to mention the panic and anxiety attacks you'd get.

"I know, but its ok I'll be here with you I promise. Besides I'd love for you to meet my friends. They'll love you." You sigh. "They won't once they find out im an anxious idiot." She looks at you sadly. "You're not an anxious idiot baby. I swear to you. You're the sweetest thing in this world." She speaks delicately as she goes to hold your face in her soft hands. You close your eyes, taking a breath. "I'm still unsure.." Her thumb rubs your cheek. "I'm right here. - promise."

You trusted that she'd keep that promise, and she did. But you couldn't help feeling judged by all these new people. Even if they weren't you couldn't shake the thought. You were staying super close to Eva, honestly wanting this to be all over so you could sleep, and spend your time with her. You tried your hardest to put on a smile, make out you weren't shaking in your boots. You felt pathetic, why did you get like this.

Then the worst happens. A question was being asked. "So, Y/n. How long have you known Eva?" A girl named Cricket asks. You pause for a bit. "Uhm, 3 years now?" You look at Eva, wanting a little bit of backup. You were so stupid God. "Yes! 3 years and more to come." She smiles at you, a smile that sets your nerves at ease for a moment. Feeling like all of this went away. But then she speaks again. "And where abouts are you from again?" Your head turns to her. "A few hours, uhm from here." You try so hard to sound confident but your voice indeed comes out shakey. And you heard it. The worst part.

Your overthinking comes into play.

Shes going to think I'm a weirdo. Why can't I just talk normal. What's. Wrong. With. Me.

That little voice clouds your brain making you miss what she had asked you next, you feel a hand come in contact with your back. Bringing you out of the thoughts slightly. "W-what?" You ask, more shakey than before. Eva rubs lightly. "Are you alright love-?" Cricket asks sweetly. The thoughts had time to creep back up on you in that small space of time. "I- excuse me.." You rushed upstairs into Eva's room, locking the door in the process so no one could come in. You clutch your chest, trying to calm down but you couldn't. It felt heavy, making you freak out more.

Tears begin to stream uncontrollably. Taking in breaths as you choke on air. You slide down the door, gripping your hair. Having the same little voice repeat.

You're stupid.

You're awkward.

You are weak.

"I'm stupid.." You breathe out, still holding onto your chest. Then there was a knock at the door, startling you. "Baby?" Eva's soft voice was heard. You don't respond, not trusting your voice. "Please let me in you're worrying me, beautiful." You hear the door knob, reluctantly going to open it. Moving a bit for her to come in. Shes on the floor with you in an instant. Considering she's been with you through many of these. "Hey hey, look at me ok." You couldn't as you're freaking out continues. "Baby.." Your eyes shut. "Can I touch you?" You just nod, shed always ask that just to make sure she wouldn't startle you.

Her hands come to your face, getting you to look at her. "Breathe angel breathe." Her eyes dart from yours, concern writen all over them. "You're ok, I'm here for you." "You are safe." You nod, understandingly. Slowly coming back. "I'm stupid Eva.. why am I like this." Her thumbs come to wipe your tears. "You are far from stupid my girl. For one you're tired. You've been driving all day, and you just feel things heavily. That's ok." Your head tilts slightly, taking in her words. "You're special, in the best way possible. And I love you so fucking much." She finishes, still having her hands on your face. "Im sorry." You apologize.

"Don't be, its ok. They're leaving now anyways." Your eyes widen. Was it because of- "And before that brain of yours tricks you. They were always going to leave at this time. I assure you." Her tone was steady and calm. Making your nerves ease again. "Do they think I'm weird?" Her head shakes side to side. "Crick, loved you. She said you were a breath of fresh air." The corners of your mouth move up, smiling as she says that. It only makes her smile too. "There she is." Her arms bring you into a tight hug. "My brain is stupid." You then say. She nods. "Incredibly." The smiles were still lingering. Just grateful to have someone like her. "Why don't we sleep this long day off?"

"Sounds, amazing."

[kealia]

Notice me, please.

Neymar jr x reader

~ reader is mad at her boyfriend because he forgets about most stuff. Her boyfriend’s best friend locks them up to force them to make up.

———————————————————————

READER’s POV:

“Kylian, let me out!” I yelled out, knocking on the wooden door.

Kylian (my boyfriend’s best friend) locked us up, me and Neymar. We had a stupid argument, but I shall not apologise first! I do not care, I really don’t. He should apologise, it’s all his fault!

NEYMAR’s POV:

I sat down on the bed, I left my phone in the living room. Should’ve brought it with me… Y/n was making such a big deal out of this, I mean she can just apologise and then Ky would let us out. She’s mad at me because I forgot about our anniversary. I get that she’s angry, I do but she didn’t need to make an argument about it! It’s been about 3 days since she stopped talking to me. Of course, I told Kylian at training yesterday, today is his birthday. He invited us, mostly me, but he apparently texted Y/n to come over as well. Y/n was talking to Kylian today, but not to me. I guess he got this idea from her side of the story. Meu Deus, this is unbelievable!

“Y/n…” I started, I wanted to sound calm so there won’t be another argument.

READER’s POV:

“Y/n…” I heard Neymar’s soft voice, God why is he so calm! I stood in-front of the door and just stared at it. It wasn’t interesting at all but I was certainly not in the mood. He just has to apologise. That’s all…

“Querida, podemos conversar?” [Darling, can we talk?]

Did he just ‘Querida’ me? No way. After missing our anniversary he wants to ‘Querida’ me? He didn’t even apologise!

“Sobre o que?” I didn’t want to snap back at him but I just couldn’t help it. I was just extremely mad at Neymar. [About what?]

“Eu sinto muito…”

Carry on.

“Eu sinto muito, eu não queria que você me odiasse! Não esqueci de propósito, apenas esqueci de alguma forma!” [I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to hate me! I didn't forget on purpose, I just forgot somehow!]

I scoffed, “Eu deveria sentir pena de você?” [Should I feel sorry for you?]

If I’m honest, when he said ‘I didn’t mean for you to hate me!’ It did break a small vein in my heart. Key word: ‘small’! I turned to him, he was sitting on Kylian’s bed. He looked so adorable! I couldn’t break, I needed to stay mad at him. He’ll find out my weakness, which is, Him.

NEYMAR’s POV:

She stood in-front of me, her arms crossed, her eyebrows furrowed, she looked hot when she was mad. But she was mad at me.

“Bem eu não sei-“ I started but she cut me off, [Well, I don’t know-]

“Neymar! I am sick of you forgetting stuff! I mean this anniversary was important. It was important for me! I thought you’d feel the same. For God’s sake, I thought you were different from them! I thought you won’t forget about small things like this! Why can’t you see that?”

I’ve never seen Y/n so frustrated. She seemed more angrier than in our last argument. I didn’t want to fight again. I wanted to apologise…

“Bebê, I really am sorry. Very sorry. I didn’t want you to be mad at me. Please, não me odeie, eu apenas esqueci. Não irá acontecer novamente. Eu prometo!” [Don't hate me, I just forgot. It won't happen again. I promise!]

“Oh please, Ney. I’ve heard that loads of times. Too many! Infact.”

How am I meant to apologise when she won’t let me?

READER’s POV:

I know I was being stubborn but many men told me that. They told me to trust them, that they promise me this, they won’t do that again, it was just a mistake, it only happened once. I was sick. Sick and tired. Exhausted. Why can’t men just be expected to remember stuff or to not do it again? Neymar thinks that not remembering an anniversary is the only thing he did. He forgot loads of stuff. Like doing most of his chores I told him to do, while I was away. My favourite colour, my parent’s names, that I had siblings, that I crave chocolate during that time of the month. He forgets the simple stuff, men just don’t get it. They don’t get it, that we, women, love when they remember small details about us. I wish he’d see me the way I see him. I notice when his eyes soften anytime he sees Davi or Kylian, I notice how much he cares about his sister or mother, how excited he gets when he sees a dog, how he slowly lost his passion in football, I notice so much stuff about him. I wish he noticed my little details…

NEYMAR’s POV;

“Look, Ney. It isn’t just about the anniversary. It’s about how stressed you are about training and family. I get it, I know how stressful work is and family. I have a family and I work, you know that! It’s just… it seems as if you don’t really care about me. You ignore me, the things I do for you-“

“Y/n, I don’t ignore you. I don’t. Eu noto como você escolhe um tom diferente de batom ou gloss para cada ocasião, como você troca de roupa 10 vezes só para voltar para a primeira, como seu sotaque português está melhorando, como você diz ‘ai’ em vez de ‘ouch’,a maneira como seu cabelo se enrola naturalmente na parte inferior, como suas sardas aparecem no verão, mas desaparecem quando fica frio. I notice you, meu amor.” [I notice how you choose a different shade of lipstick or lipgloss for every occasion, how you change clothes 10 times only to go back to the first outfit, how your Portuguese accent is improving, how you say "ai" instead of "ouch", the way your hair curls naturally at the bottom, how your freckles show up in the summer but disappear when it gets cold.]

She started crying, I hope they were happy tears. I didn’t mean to make her cry. I opened my arms and stood up, smiling at her. She looked down, her tears flowing down to the floor.

“Venha aqui.” I told her softly, she looked up and rapidly wrapped her hands around my waist. I held her head close to my chest. My shirt slowly dampening from her tears. I buried my face into her hair. It smelt like vanilla and coffee. Just like she smells, I loved that about her. Sometimes I use her shampoo, because it smells like her. Like Y/n. Like my sweet girlfriend.

I heard the door creak open, “You okay?” Kylian asked.

I just hummed and nodded to him, he closed the door and left us. We stayed like that for about 15 minutes. I love her.

I could never be mad at her, I could never ignore her. I hope she knows that.

———————————————————————

I wrote this at 3 am so there might be some grammar and spelling mistakes but let’s hope not!

Happy New Year!!!

<3

[lovethatmakingcoffee]

So!

how many more content creators are going to be accused of being called a pedophile with no hard evidence, a police warrant, anything physical and it's by an anonymous tweet from some stranger online who would rather tell social media than I don't know... HAVE THEM GET ARRESTED BY THE POLICE?!

How many more creators, huh?! How many?! How many more YouTubers, twitch streamers, singers, animators, artists?! How many of you are gonna jump on them???? And it's so easy if it's a guy, right? So easy! And no matter how they react, whether it's calm and calculated, shutting down their channel as a whole, or answering immediately yet obviously angry about it- they are always ALWAYS GUILTY. what happened to innocent until proven guilty? And eo is this person? That they are willing to fan the flames and accuse someone of something so terrible online??? Who are u?????

Why do this now? Why do it how at the HEIGHT of Forever's popularity? Why not do it before so he was never on the qsmp or even long before that? Or in the middle at all???? Why now? That is my question? If this is all true, why now? And why use social media? Why not go to the police if he really did a crime? You are accusing someone of a very terrible thing. Why not do it properly instead of searching for Internet clout? What're we supposed to do? The only thing we can, huh? Cancel. Because that's what u want. Is to cancel him. When he was obviously so loved by the masses yesterday. When he had all those cruise pic photos showing how good his life was. Yeah, I don't think u want him arrested or lynched. No, u want to cancel him. Making me wonder if there was ever a real çrime.

Which I wonder quite often with these cases.

And GUYS. HEADS UP! You know whose next? Hm? It'll probably be Wilbur, probably being said that he approached some underage girl on tour or whatever. Or maybe it'll be quackity or hell, even Philza! Oh, Etoiles got cancelled not so long ago, let's cancel him again! Oh what about Bagerha or Cellibit? Let's throw Charlie into the mix. Ironmouse will be hard to cancel cause she's been locked inside of her room all her life and has a very dedicated fanbase, but I'm sure you bastards will find something.

So mhm, everyone is nexted because antis have proven it to be so easy to get rid of someone they don't like. Gone the next day. All of them are suspectable to it. Cause u know why? Cause they are stupid humans who have said stupid shit! And you will just take anything they said and did and run with it!!! Every time! So it's only a matter of time until someone new gets targeted. And depending on how tough skinned they are, they will disappear in a matter of seconds.

Let's just throw all of qsmp away while we're at it! No more eggs, no more community, blah blah blah! Something problematic will happen and you all will jump on it and say 'oh, I never liked them anyway'. Which is such a lie! Such bullshit, u are all bullshitters.

And I know for a fact that y'all aren't saints. We have all said disgusting jokes. Race, lgbt, whatever! We've all done it- don't lie! Here, I'll go first. I joked about a school shooting the other day with my friends. There, cancel me. I gave you the ammunition, now take your fucking shot.

This happens every god damn time someone u enjoy gets popular too fast. They get called a pedo, or a racist, or a transphobe or anything easy to spark the mob. I have seen it time and time again with creators running away because theyve been chased off their respective platforms. I saw an artists make the most beautiful art ever, get accused of being a pedo by one person, everyone joined in for some reason and chased her away. I will never not be bitter about that. I HATE ALL OF YOU WHO DID SUCH A THING AND IF I EVER GOT MY HANDS ON YOU I SWEAR TO GOD. But I am sick of people 'finding' or bringing shit to light or whatever and then just post it online! Like fuck! If he really did a crime! Arrest him! But he didn't, did he? Cause that's the fucking game we are playing rn.

Such hypocrites, it's fascinating. Literally yesterday you were kissing this mans feet and exhaling him, but one anon person saw that and chose violence. And you just.... changed your minds???? Like that? Like a switch of a button? Crazy, actually crazy, and childish.

How come everyone flips and flops so easily on the internet??? How is it so easy for you????? And how can u other supposed fans just accept it so easily??? I will never understand and I will bite and claw at all of you. You all loved him 24 hours ago and now with the bare minimum of evidence you flip? You all would be terrible on jury duty. I hope none of you ever get on jury duty.

Anyway, I'll probably get a ton of backlash from this post and delete it later, waking up in the morning with tons of hate. But I don't care. Prove him guilty. Get the hard evidence that he is a pedo and I will believe it when I see it. Have him be in damn cuffs. Get the mugshot. If that is at all true! But I'm not putting my life and art on pause for conveniently timed discourse.

Maybe I'll delete this post tomorrow. But now I'm fuming at all of you.

And yeah, as for me, I had a shit disgusting last year, qsmp and especially forever was one of the few things that got me out of it and calmed me down. And you guys are going to be talking about how wrong and problematic the things he said that was (what was it?) 8 years ago!!! Then guess what, I love a very problematically spoken parent that would make all of you quake and vomit the moment she opened her mouth. But also, that woman saved me from being homeless. For giving me a place to stay after being DEPORTED. So, if u need a little kindergarten lesson today, internet, is that people will say all sorts of horrible cancelable shit, but it's what they actually do, that really matters.

Goodnight.

[starheirxero]

OH GOD, OH GOD XERO, IT'S HAPPENING, EVERYONE STAY CALM-

THIS EPISODE WAS EVERYTHING AND MORE!!! THIS IS WHAT THE FANS HAVE BEEN WANTING FOR!!!

I am so emotional about this!!!

Eclipse genuinely cares for Earth, no matter, how much he's denying it!

I…I do not have words!

His self-loathing…he sees himself as a monster, for everything he did, sees himself as irredeemable, unworthy of forgiveness… He knows, he's been a terrible person, and thinks, he's beyond saving! From the way he spoke, he seemed to ask Earth, indirectly, if she would sacrifice him to get Solar back.

And yet, Earth is still holding on, acknowledging his hurt and showing sympathy and care!

I adored Earth's wonder of morality! Eclipse has done terrible things to her family, to everyone, except for her!

She should hate him. He has caused hurt to her family. He was the catalyst.

And yet…being left untouched by the pain he caused, she can't help but notice his pain. She understands why he acts like this, she understands, that he has been wronged and hurt, and can't help but reach out!

It's such a moral dilemma, and I really hope, they get more into detail with it, because it's really interesting!!

Earth has such a kind heart, and even Eclipse has been touched by it! He seemed about to cry, when he left! Someone sees him, and knows, there are reasons behind his actions! It doesn't make them dissappear, or justify them. But he isn't just a monster, he's a person too! Having someone tell him that, being told, that he can still be better…it would've broken me too!

The one thing I want to point out to it…he's planning to leave to a different dimension?? I don't think, it's by choice, he did mention an agreement, if I remember correctly! Was it with dark Sun?? And why would he want him to leave??? 🤔

-Stardust

I KNOWWWW AAAAAHHHH ITS SO EXCITINGGG!!!!!!!

I can't even begin to express all the feelings I felt when watching that video its just so GOOD. It's just entirely Eclipse hurt/comfort and it's potentially one of my favorite things in the whole world. LIKE U SAID WITH HIS WHOLE SELF-LOATHING TOO DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTEDDD!!! The way he lashed out after asking Earth why she kept "doing this" was so incredibly telling I can't EVEN UGH ILL START FLAILING EVERYWHERE!!!

AND EARTH. STARS YEA EARTH. Some of my non-tsams friends said it best on discord but it just gets me so emotional that unconditional and persistent love is what makes Eclipse start to crumble. She has been the main one to reach out to Eclipse over and over again, no matter how many times he's bitten her, because she doesn't recoil because she Understands Him like aoayagaahvhhh!!!!

LIKE U SAID, HE'S A PERSON TOO. AND SHE SEES THAT!!!!! BURSTS INTO TEARS

BUT ALSO YEA OMG I almost forgot about that... It could have smth to do with evil Sun, that honestly feels like it makes the most sense next to "he's genuinely just sick of everyone's shit" GJDHWFK

Either way I hope it goes well?!?!! If this isn't influenced by anything greater for fucked up reasons, a whole new fresh start like that sounds like exactly what Eclipse needs but Also like it could be incredibly daunting, yk?? Kinda fascinating......

[we-will-be-reun1ted]

Aether is the one that makes their food the majority of the time and is less impulsive than Lumine, usually there to point out flaws in her plans/ideas because if she executed them they'd have horrible consequences that she was aware of but didn't actually process.

Lumine has to drag Aether off of every tall tree/building because the rat won't stop climbing everything he sees and she's sick of it. She's thrown rocks at him to make him come down. She's also the one that made their clothes and the one who properly learnt how to fight and taught Aether how to do so (which is why she's a faster fighter than Aether, while Aether is a strong defender)

I like to think their wings, even if not physically attached to their bodies, are still very much part of their bodies due to it being tied to their powers. So they can feel and move the wings just like any winged creature. They also feel the subtilties in atmospheric changes with them and can easily recognize wind currents and where they're going (results in wings being very sensitive to touch)

Bodies are Much warmer temperatures because they're star creatures and also need the heat for when they're flying through space. They're both also pretty light for the whole flying thing.

I like to think that if they get Extremely upset/desperate, they'll full on unleash the raw power of a star on someone (unknown god) as a last resort, though it takes up a Ton of energy and tires them out greatly.

The glowing spots on their clothes (chest, wrists, knees for aether. Those things) are glow spots they have on their bodies because of the whole star people thing. Those areas are probably much warmer than the other body parts too.

Based on voicelines from characters and just how the game works; i also believe that Aether prefers to use sign language around people but will verbally speak if comfortable enough or when fully alone with someone he fully trusts (like Lumine or Paimon)

Sorry for the big text i just have a lot of thoughts about these two twins and saw that you do too and am now throwing them at you. I have more but brain is starting to lag

woah Woah WOAH HELLO THERE??? This is the first time anyone has sent their headcanons to me oh my god??? I’m absolutely buzzing this is fantastic! Hi!!

Okay okay I’m gonna answer this in sections cause this is a lot of writing. Im actually so excited to reply to this wtf

Food/Impulse

Okay this one fits in absolutely perfectly to my headcanons. Aether makes most of their food due to Lumine not having the patience for it. She can cook she’s a good cook but with her cooking it would turn into an episode of Gordon Ramsay Hells Kitchen hella fast.

Honestly it’s better to not have Lumine around when making food at all. She will try to take over and get really pissed off if everything isn’t done exactly how she would do it.

This is Lumine after Aether takes a fish off the fire exactly five seconds before she tells him to take it off:

Aether is patient. Aether can make a salad without almost breaking the bowl.

And I also agree with the impulse one! I feel like Lumine usually comes up with a lot of the plans for anything they do. Exploring a world, fighting something, escaping something yada yada.

Aethers the one who gives her a lot of advice for it and ‘polishes the plan up’ so to say. As you said Lumine is very impulsive and in the heat of the moment will go with the first thing she thinks about rather than giving it serious thought. That’s why Aether is there. He tries to help calm her down and tell her the flaws of the plan and what would/could happen if she went through with it.

And THATS why traveler Lumine gets into so much shit CONSTANTLY. Her brother isn’t around to be her fucking BABYSITTER. She stuck helping fucking aranaras constantly I hate those stupid aranaras.

Climbing/Clothes/Fighting

THE RAT HELP oh my god you’ve made me giggle with that. I absolutely love this headcanon it’s fantastic I can picture her throwing rocks at him while Aether hangs onto the branch of a tree like a stray cat.

Personally in my eyes they are both a HUGE chaotic duo when they are together so they would both be constantly trying to climb shit and probably getting stuck.

They see tall building and immediately look at each other like 😏

The amount of places they have been banned from for climbing shit is astonishing. It could fill up a small planet in itself.

Oh my god you know I haven’t properly thought about their clothes and I like your idea. I feel like she would of purposely given them inverted themes so they could be matching in a subtle sense while still going with both of their personal styles.

She tried to teach Aether to sew but he kept pricking himself with the needle 💔

Ooooh okokok right this is genuinely just stuff I’ve made up in my silly mind but okay so

I’m my little headcanon lore thingy they were both taught to fight by little guardians/teachers in a world (worlds???) they went to. Originally both being taught the opposite - Aether fighting and Lumine defending until they both started teaching each other their moves and excelled in the opposite things. I can 100% see Lumine teaching Aether to fight though.

Wings

Okay I don’t have much to say here other than i completely agree with absolutely everything you just said. Adding in that I feel like their wings were gifted to them by one of the first planets they came across and helped! This was eons ago so the two have gotten extremely accustomed to flying and feeling through their wings, though I feel like the two can make their wings disappear and reappear. Kinda like when the traveler throws the sword behind their back and it just appears in their hand then they are fighting.

Also! Aethers wings being made from sunlight and Lumines wings being made from moonlight 🫶

Oh my god imagine they made a little language through their wings if one or both isn’t able to speak? Like one flutter means stop, two means attack etc etc stuff like that!

Temperature

I deffo see this, though I feel like their bodies are way more adapted to the cold rather than the warm. It’s INCREDIBLY cold in space which is where the two spend the most of their time and where they technically live. Their bodies have adapted to the cold and can absorb heat from planets the go to and kind of store it?? Kind of like a little thermal radiator.

Power

Oh oh I like this this is interesting. What do you headcanon that to be like? Like what kind of power do you think they have when they get so desperate?

Language/Speaking

THIS IS SUCH A CUTE HEADCANON I have no idea why but I absolutely love this wtf?? I can totally see him doing that.

Okok my version of this IS the twins have their own language. They can both learn to speak other languages pretty fast, but it takes a bit of time. So in the meantime they (the traveler) allow Paimon to talk for them and translate it and only talk when necessary and when they know what to say.

I ALSO feel like around each other the twins have this kind of telapathic connection (you know what they say about twin telepathy and such) and so sometimes don’t need to speak to each other to talk. They can communicate through knowing what the other is thinking and feeling and through touch and stuff like that.

The two have deffo gone through days of not speaking and just talking through thoughts and such, when out of nowhere one of them will break it by just saying the most out of context shit and making the other jump out of their skin.

⟢

No please do NOT apologise this made me so happy to answer! I love hearing any and all headcanons about the twins they are my BIGGEST hyperfixation at the moment. Feel free to send even more! That goes for absolutely anyone. Thank you so much for sending this to me :D

[c0rpseductor]

have to explode about this somewhere or i simply will not make it

i am so fucking mad at my mom. i realize in isolation everything happening recently is totally innocuous and normal, it's just like. in context that it hurts.

i hate that she's sick with Probably Covid and asking me for a bunch of extra favors. i had to wash her a cup for water because she didn't feel good the other day, yesterday i had to do her laundry, today i had to cook for her. if this were like, between anybody else it would be fine. it's just like. agh

i feel so angry that she wants me to take care of her and i've ALWAYS taken care of her and i always feel like she just does not give a fuck about my most basic needs beyond "well, lestat's not dead!". it makes me feel ungrateful because i know she does nice stuff for me sometimes too, it's just like, it hurts when i always hide when i'm upset and barely ask her for anything even when i'm in such bad physical pain that i can't function. like most of the time if i'm too unwell to make something to eat i just go without food. i don't like asking her for things and i always feel like there's a limit to how often i can ask for her help, and that i have to be careful to mostly be a kind of pleasant background decoration that never imposes on her.

i always had to be her mom, ever since i was a kid. even when i was little she wasn't consistent and would berate me or get angry with me for just, like, being a kid and wanting or needing stuff. meanwhile i've always been like her little stuffed animal to talk to when she's sad. she always acted like she loves me so much and we're so close but mostly like i'm a possession of hers. i just like. i dont know. im so hung up on when she was drinking and high on coke and she said to me like, "oh id much rather just have a roommates relationship with you instead of being like mother and son." explains much about like, my Entire fucking childhood!

and then she takes credit for how i've turned out as if she raised me, like, i feel like not only did i raise myself but i'm raising her half the time trying to explain basic things about emotional regulation and hereditary mental issues and shit, being the first person she comes to for everything, always having to calm her down or support her when she's venting when i KNOW i can't rely on her in the same way or tell her any of the really challenging issues i have, like just. it's not fair. it's so tiring. materially i am very grateful that she is willing to let me stay with her and that she understands i'm disabled and can't work right now and tries to still help me live a comfortable life (and, cynically, i feel that she's kind of okay with me being in this kind of bad position as long as i don't leave), i know i'm lucky to have food and shelter and things like that.

i just like. man i don't know. i feel like i've been holding this back for days because i just fucking feel like it's so unfair that whenever mom feels bad i'm Favors Boy and i can be expected to do anything for her that she wants, but when i feel bad it's like, locking myself in the bathroom trying to cry quietly enough that she won't notice to clean off blood after cutting, or holing up in my room with a migraine and having to drag myself out of bed to use my Very Little Energy to make myself coffee or get water and then not being able to eat because im too tired to make myself anything substantial and god forbid i ask her, and then after i have my bad episode she's like Hey so i know you have a bad leg and stairs make it worse but i dont like taking out the trash so can that still be your job. it's not like the front steps are even THAT bad it's just like, ok, im so glad you thought about my limp. of course she wouldnt though it's literally her fault my leg is so fucked up and when i went to the hospital for it way back when and it didn't turn out to be a broken bone she was all like haha i told you so! and then laughed at me when i tripped and fell on my crutches coming home. she just does not give a fuck. but ohhhh lestat would you mind feeding me like a baby bird.....your poor old mother is so sick and feeble.....

[kkotda]

koi koi koi!!! i am dropping by with a few things i find pretty bc april is so very pretty to me! 🍞🌻💭🌷☀️🫧✨🌱💗🍓 how are you?? i hope the month is lovely to you 🥺

i also come back with a curious sel question 🤓 a more technical writing one but, what is your anchor point to writing a character like hajime or kenma? what part of them do you like exploring and what quality of theirs stays the same to you across any universe you put them in? 🥺

MISS SEL!!!! trading pretty things (i shall cherish yours with my life)!!!: ✨🩷🌷💐🌙☔️🌊🍀🪴🍮

i hope april is perfect to you <3

OOH THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION (cut because it got so insanely long 😭)

okay um so warning it’s 4am so i might ramble/yap too much but for iwa (because ik he’s your fav :3) i like to imagine like what evokes protection/dependence/reliability (ik these aren’t great words so it’s purely off vibes) because i imagine iwa (well generally this applies to any character if we really get down to it, but him in particular <3) as the forest of forests: he’s the kind to have his hand on your lower back as he guides you through dense crowds. or he’ll be the one to pull you in, hands on your waist, resting his head on your shoulder (this gets me so weak!!!! i’m just a girl!!!!!). he might even be the one with the yearning gazes, heart longing for yours, and watching you from afar as he basks in your warmth and is completely entranced by your light. he might be the one completely at your mercy, chasing for your lips, for your touch. etc etc right lol but to get back to the question (;-;) i think my anchor point for him is his dependability if that makes sense?? how you can always rely him, his loyalty. it’s criminal how i haven’t actually written anything for him in such a long time (that needs to change like immediately) but i think i’ll enjoy not being shackled to “canon” iwa and it would really be nice to explore my interpretation of him and what i imagine his character to be! rather than what used to be popular with him as the “tall brooding bf” (at least from what i saw ;-;) i want him to be so in love he’s sick to his stomach. he’s just a boy after all!!! <3 no matter what, anything he does will make me weak. absolutely weak. sliding down walls, clutching my fake pearls weak. LOL but yeah i actually really really want to write for him now omg this is not good (lie)

AND KENMA (kyanmaaa :3) i’m going to answer this so out of order i’m sorry but the one thing that will never change about kenma is his somewhat laidback personality, his ability to stay calm and collected (so ofc i have to add a bit of flavor right?) he will always be down bad for his lover (aka me 😋) and will cave immediately (can’t ever tell them no, within reason) i love the idea of calm/“apathetic” characters losing their absolute mind and voice of reasoning for their lovers and ik kenma isn’t the typical character type for it (some might think differently than i do? which is perfectly okay ofc) in my head he is (and it fits him so well!!!!!!). i hate that i can’t answer your questions really well because it’s been so long but character complexity will always be something i love to explore and just the things that i’m down for will stay the same LOLLL (🎀). wait i was rereading and i need to elaborate on the losing voice of reason part because i didn’t explain it very well lol: he’s the soft lover, kissing your knuckles, tracing kisses up (or down! lol) your neck to your jaw (or shoulder), smoothing/playing with your hair, caressing your thumb while your hand is in his <3 it’s the keeping you close and enjoying each other’s company. it’s the soft smile playing on lips when you’re near but straight-faced when you’re far (he’s not going to look like he straight up wants to murder somebody (most times) but it’ll be obvious he’d much rather be somewhere else (obviously)). it’s the “touch them and i kill you” (oh and this with iwa too, god.) and “i never want to lose you.” mind, body, and heart getting drunk, addicted even, to the sight, feel, and sound (can’t forget taste :3) of you. can’t be apart because he’d just buy whatever ever thing he needs to be/get near you, price be damned. nothing else matters, nothing else could matter, as long as you existed within the folds of his brain and beating of his heart. i actually think i just babbled about something without really explaining what i meant to explain lol but the point is is like i love him (them, to include iwa) so much and i think if i ever could get my brain to focus on something enough, it would be this :3

tl;dr i’m down bad (and it shows)

I ACTUALLY ALSO HATE HOW MY BRAIN CANT DIFFERENTIATE EACH CHARACTER FROM EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY ALL FIT THE SCENARIOS SO WELL that will be my new goal: to create versions of each character that is so unique (or at least distinguishable) that it’s like yeah, yeah that’s xyz character and it’s like indisputable to myself

[catenchanter]

…Can you tell where my interest lies?

So um. I did a silly I saw ages ago and had been meaning to do.

Also just as an FYI - By the NOtp category - I don’t actively hate any of the ships, it’s more I’m personally not keen on them.

Though lets be real the Town of Salem is the equivalent of playing dolls with how little is canon like. I could deadass see a lot of the platonic dynamics being romantic to some degree. Heck you can absolutely make my NOtps work and I would be like “That is some good stuff” /gen

There’s probably way more I forgot, or just didn’t mention but. This is just for fun, and if you want to yell at me in my ask box regarding my takes, please feel free. Or if you want more rambles I guess! Or ramble at me, why not?

Also - I hope to god I didn’t mess up any icons, I am. Old. Anyway, further commentary underneath, I am sorry.

- - - -

Kitty’s commentary

THE AMOUNT OF SHIT I HAVE FOR THE MAFIA HELP-

ANYWAY All the mafia are pretty closeknit w/ each other, though I like to think there’s a split between the “older” members (Godfather, Consigliere, Hypnotist, Blackmailer) and the “younger” members (Consort, Janitor, Forger, Disguiser and Framer). The Mafioso is kinda split between the middle, getting along with both sides. Ambusher came much later to the mafia and as such is also kinda caught in these disagreements between the two sides. Also I say younger and older very vaguely.

Blackmailer is very rarely seen, even by the mafia. Everyone in the mafia completely trusts them though, especially since they have dirt on everyone. They’re treated like some entity that you ABSOLUTELY do not want to piss off and the Blackmailer takes pride in that they are probably the most terrifying thing. Purely because they know your internet history. Do not question how they got that information.

Mafioso/Ambusher is a funny dynamic. I like to think they constantly try to one up each other, trying to impress the Godfather.

The Ambusher used to be the Survivor, but ended up befriending the Mafioso. They both bond over the whole “yeah I really don’t know where my place is in all of… this.” And because of their friendship, the Survivor learns to calm themselves and not get so panicky, whilst the Mafioso opens up a bit more and tries to not be. As much of a mindless drone. Survivor ends up getting too comfortable and joins the mafia.

The Mafioso is sick of the Framer’s shit. Framer is a little shit. They don’t know what they’re doing wrong, but it annoys the Mafioso regardless.

Godfather and Mayor are brothers. Or, at least related to some degree.

Please know I die for the Consigliere/Godfather dynamic just. Boss and assistant who place so much fucking trust into each other and would probably die for each other. Whether you interpret them as being lovers or friends is up to you, though I can take it. Either way - it really depends on the characters.

HOW THE FUCK DID I FORGET CONSORT/CONSIGLIERE AS BESTIES DANG IT ME- WELL OKAY. They’re either at each other’s throats, or they’re besties. It’s a gamble ngl. I personally headcanon that the mafia has two Consiglieres (Card game and In game) and the Consort would throttle the Card Game bc he’s “so self absorbed” but adores the In game consigliere and would spoil her.

Furthermore, In game consigliere declares herself as the Mafioso’s right hand gal. He plays along, but would never actually trust her as his right hand gal her due to her being incredibly bias and emotionally driven. He would gladly trust the card game though (his boss already does), even if they have numerous disagreements with how to handle the whole dynamic.

Consort/Forger is the mean bisexual, even meaner lesbian dynamic. You can guess whose who. They are both girlbosses and will chat shit about you.

Disguiser is the Hypnotists son. They have a pretty strained relationship thanks to Hypnotism bullshit. Why else do you think Disguiser always wears a mask?

(Also stupider headcanon - but Disguiser is actually the Mafioso from the card game. I have no reason to believe this really I just like card game mafioso’s design and wanted a reason to acknowledge his existence.)

The entire Coven and Mafia get into petty fights. I say petty its more “jfc we helped the witch and now you wanna kill us?” “You guys are literally criminals and also why are you in salem?” “TIME TRAVEL FUCKERY THAT YOU DID” “THEN TIME TRAVEL BACK DIPSHIT-“ “THATS YOUR ISSUE” “OH IS IT NOW?”

The town and neutrals probably just. Watch these two go at it in awe. It gets more and more unhinged.

“MISTER MAYOR! THE LESBIANS AND THE ITALIANS ARE FIGHTING AGAIN!”

For some reason Disguiser is close with the coven though. Why else do you think the Coven got the Disguiser during the traitors era?

Speaking of the Coven. They are lesbians. I do not know what impact this has on the lore, but I feel that is important to mention. Are they dating? Just friends? You decide!

Legit they all. Appreciate each other very much. You mess with one of them you mess with all of them.

Survivor/Amensiac/Medium are all besties who are basically the bystanders in the Town’s BS. Medium is kinda obligated to stay with the town, but would genuinely consider leaving.

Plaguebearer adopts the Jester. Plaguebearer also gets possessed by Pestilence when everyone gets infected. I like to think Pestilence hops out every now and again, and Jester doesn’t know how to react.

The Spy, Tracker and Trapper are all related to each other. They are rarely seen apart and probably all work together on Town Surveillance. Spy and Tracker mainly, Trapper is just making sure the right people are protected.

I’m a firm believer of “The Consigliere and Investigator used to be friends but then mafia and now they are. Conflicted!”

Speaking of “Conflicted!” the Sheriff and Investigator have a similar issue, but that’s not the mafia’s fault, that’s the “they are both stubborn little shits and refuse to let the other investigate how they want” ‘s fault.

The Consort constantly teases the Vigilante. The Vigilante does not know what to do with this information.

Skarso is too iconic. I feel like they would probably kill each other, but because the community wants them to kiss I’m just like “gdi”. Would anything of substance come from them? I personally don’t think so but at this point they’re so iconic I have to respect it.

I’m just saying but………… Town of Salem Mafioso……………. Sir……………………………… 🥺

[not-that-complicated]

Loving an addict is hard. And I knew this because I'm not a stranger to seeing what it does. My most rational side is very aware because I have an education to be an Addictions Counselor and so I know so many facts and the harsh realities. I know the best way to advise families and loved ones in order to maintain their own boundaries and still be a support system for their own addicts. Yet here I am, helpless. And I am terrified. I keep telling myself that I can only do so much and while I know this to be true....I know that if he would let me I could do more. But you cannot help someone who doesn't want to help themselves and you cannot force someone into recovery. If I love him, I meet him where he is at, but I do not enable him. But God it hurts so much.

When I left to come back to my family with him promising to come shortly after, he wasn't this bad. He was working hard on getting clean and thankful for my encouragement. I didn't want to push or say much because I knew it was so fragile. He had one slip up and he was a mess, so sick and it knocked him on his ass for a couple days. This is where my deepest fears I am only admitting now worried. But I told myself it would be ok. And then I saw him this past weekend and I wasn't seeing my Riley, I was seeing the Addict. His eyes were sunker and dark ringed he was.so moody, still this is my person and I'd do anything to bring him out of the darkness. Yesterday he hurt me more than I think I've ever been hurt. No, he didn't lay a hand on me...it is sad I can say with the utmost certainty that even in active addiction Riley would not be violent even when he is fuming, he is all talk and wants to break things but when I stay calm and direct he will too.....yet any other person in my life has hit me and I always had the fear. I almost wish Riley would have because I'd understand and tolerate it better. He broke my trust and I really don't know how to respond. I know I always feel so strongly but I don't often trust so completely. I never wanted to because Riley is the type of guy you just know is trouble. But how do you hate a guy who is honest about being a man whore and so kind? I tried to avoid him when he found me again because the first time he was off limits....this time I already hated Tyler. But he was persistent and I was so drawn to him. And something made me trust him, completely. At a time where I have felt so fractured, I keep different pieces from each person in my life so no one gets the full picture. I never share the full story, and I hide things, even from my family because I just don't trust anymore. For some reason I let him in, and even now when I want to regret it and I hurt over his betrayal, I can't and I don't regret it. Because for some time now I've felt half alive and transparent in life. Riley has made me feel more visible, heard and alive than I remember being for a long time. He also makes me feel safe. Now I am conflicted.

Riley knowingly lied to me. He has slipped back into addiction. He is shoving me away and while I know I need to step back I am so scared. I'm scared he is going to die. One of these days someone is going to call me to tell me Riley died of OD. And while I am so red hot mad at him and really need my space because I don't know how to feel right now, I am not ready to not have him in my life. Part of me knows he is allowing himself to wallow in the addiction and staying around people like him because it is the easy way out. But I can't change that. The other part of me knows that my words cut through to my Riley and it hurt him. It might not be enough and I need to accept that. Loving an addict is harder than I ever thought it would be. He asked me to try and earn my trust back, but that damn boy still has my heart. He says he doesn't want to bring me down with him but I am in purgatory here worrying.

[memelleity]

freaky (2020) sentence starters

some nsfw

❝ a geriatric serial killer? really? ❞

❝ don't underestimate a straight white man's propensity for violence. ❞

❝ what is all this shit? ❞

❝ are you gonna help me or not? ❞

❝ this looks so expensive… ❞

❝ you're taking too long. it's a vagina, not an all-night drive-through. ❞

❝ do you have a date for homecoming tomorrow? ❞

❝ you're so cute. ❞

❝ ____, you promised. ❞

❝ you can't keep living your life for someone else. you've got to start doing things for you. ❞

❝ i just don't want you to wake up one morning and realize your whole life passed you by ‘cause you were busy being everything to everyone but you. ❞

❝ i love your dress. ❞

❝ pro tip: always set your watch five minutes ahead. it saves my ass, like, every time. ❞

❝ everybody is freaking out. ❞

❝ don't say that word. ❞

❝ i smell like orange soda. ❞

❝ you sure you don't want a ride? ❞

❝ help's on the way. you're gonna be okay. ❞

❝ it wasn't my fault! ❞

❝ good, you're up. how are you feeling? ❞

❝ why do i sound like that? ❞

❝ i don't have any drugs. i'm not a drug person. ❞

❝ what do i look like? ❞

❝ do i look like a, um, you know, do i look like a girl? ❞

❝ i didn't see you there! ❞

❝ i really want you to try to eat, okay? ❞

❝ what's with the outfit? ❞

❝ piss off, ____. ❞

❝ this is not about you. ❞

❝ something else happened last night, didn't it? ❞

❝ i'm, like, the most trustworthy person. ❞

❝ i've had, like, ten kombuchas today, so i'm gonna go pee, and when i get back, you're either spilling the tea or i'm out. ❞

❝ are you sure this is safe? ❞

❝ hey, how are you holding up? ❞

❝ i am so sick of your constant need for attention. ❞

❝ if only you would spend a little less time flirting and a little more time learning, you might actually make something out of yourself. ❞

❝ ____’s acting weird. ❞

❝ listen… it's not what you think. ❞

❝ you're black! i'm gay! we are so dead! ❞

❝ stop running. i'm not gonna hurt you. ❞

❝ will you stop throwing things at me? ❞

❝ i am not trying to hurt you, okay? ❞

❝ what's your favorite movie? ❞

❝ who's your biggest crush? ❞

❝ how did this happen? ❞

❝ standing and peeing is kind of rad. ❞

❝ i think it's spanish… i can't read it. ❞

❝ ay, estúpidos niños gabachos. ❞

❝ boys are so gross. ❞

❝ i didn't mean to interrupt. i... i was looking for someone else. ❞

❝ you like being scared? ❞

❝ oh, my god. did you just pee yourself? ❞

❝ self-defense. i had to do it. ❞

❝ that's what you get for fucking with me, ____. ❞

❝ what do you want from me?! ❞

❝ why can't i just have a normal life? ❞

❝ don't tell me to calm down! ❞

❝ can you scooch your seat up just a little bit? ❞

❝ okay, we need a plan. ❞

❝ everyone knows who you are. ❞

❝ i didn't mean to share all that with you. ❞

❝ i lost somebody, too. ❞

❝ you must miss him so much. ❞

❝ nothing prepares you for this stuff, right? i mean, we're all just left here, to pick up the pieces, and... ❞

❝ i can't figure out what's going on inside your head. ❞

❝ you're so easy to talk to. ❞

❝ this is terrifying. i can't breathe. ❞

❝ if you get recognized, we are screwed. ❞

❝ your touch makes this pussy drier than sandpaper, you fucking monkey. ❞

❝ i can't wait to kill you. ❞

❝ i fucking hate this place. ❞

❝ i just w... i just want to talk. ❞

❝ where the hell did you learn how to do that? ❞

❝ this is gonna sound really strange. ❞

❝ ____, look at me. ❞

❝ a few weeks ago, i found a poem in my locker. it was anonymous. ❞

❝ you sad fucking cunt. you pathetic coward. ❞

❝ this should be your new mug shot. ❞

❝ i've never been so stressed and excited at the same time in my life. ❞

❝ you know, i have to admit, in a really strange way, that it hasn't been all bad. ❞

❝ you are a lot stronger than you think. ❞

❝ why is ____ tied to my dining chair? ❞

❝ we're role-playing. ❞

❝ i'm a little confused. ❞

❝ i-i didn't want to tell you until i was ready, but... i'm straight. ❞

❝ you are many things, but straight isn't one of them. ❞

❝ i don't have time for this. ❞

❝ what the fuck is going on? ❞

❝ how weird is it that i kind of feel like kissing you right now? ❞

❝ i'm not going anywhere. ❞

❝ i don't need your fucking help. ❞

❝ so you think you're this hot shit now, huh? ❞

❝ you stay here. this is way too dangerous. ❞

❝ well, what do you know? looks like we got a little private party going here, huh?❞

❝ are you good at math, ____? ❞

❝ do not try and be a hero. ❞

❝ you tell anybody, i'll fucking kill you. ❞

❝ i want my body back. ❞

❝ you're too late. ❞

❝ so, what are you gonna tell the cops? ❞

❝ you're my daughter. nothing will ever change that. ❞

❝ you got what you wanted, right? why aren't you happy? ❞

❝ little girls shouldn't play with guns. ❞

❝ i understand why you feel so weak. ❞

❝ having balls sucks. ❞

[satorugojjo]

I’m just gonna say it, but I think current kids younger than 15 are almost incapable of dissecting anything with critical nuance. Because there is a HUGE difference to the 15 year olds BEFORE lockdown, and after. I’ve seen Gen Z teenagers on tiktok and tumblr have the most empathic, kind, amazingly supportive and intelligent opinions in 2020 who have now grown up and are in college absolutely killing it - they’ve gone into lockdown already having developed their emotional skills and come out of it with a lot more depth and growth. But YOU guys were 12 and younger when the pandemic started, you spent YEARS of it online without interacting with a wide variety of people and learning to read between the lines as you HAVE to in order to navigate the real world and peoples speech patterns and behaviours. You grew up alone in your house behind your screen, without being able to bond with classmates or friends, and most importantly, without anyone to temper your thoughts, or have rational and calm discussions in person. Half the teens I see on tiktok and tumblr NOW are so full of hate, so quick to put down and dismiss peoples choices, so quick to troll and voice really bizarrely conservative and ignorant opinions as if they’re entitled to do so, and so anti-empowerment and anti-ENJOYMENT in general. And I’m gonna be real with you and say it’s because of lockdown. It’s not entirely your fault bc y’all are still kids.

Your literature programs would have been cut, you’re just reading for the assignment, you’re not engaging in seminars and debates and classroom exercises the way you would in class, and all the while you’re just being increasingly exposed to sensationalist media that boils down complex and nuanced topics to a black and white, yes or no, 7 second hook. And it’s made you incapable of approaching anything with logic and empathy, because you just didn’t HAVE that the way everyone else did during their formative middle school puberty years. So now the moment you have a singular negative opinion of something, it’s all encompassing. There is no give, no flex, everyone is guilty until innocent. And why wouldn’t you think that? That’s what people have been doing online during the whole pandemic, cancelling people for 1 comment taken out of context, or being so quick to say something negative first instead of positive. You got comfortable behind your screen instead of being taught the consequences of saying shit things, and now when it comes to exploring all angles to a situation like you should be taught how to the way EVERYONE is, you take it at the most basic, surface, face value.

And when it now comes to fandom spaces where you have older fans in the same space as younger fans, there’s so many more instances where something will get an inordinate and undeserved amount of hate or hype based on a very surface level of understanding. Inherently, this isn’t a good or bad thing, it’s just a thing. What IS bad is when people come under someone’s obviously thought out and nuanced opinion to be like “you’re wrong for liking this bc (insert a completely unrelated logical fallacy of a reason)”. “If you like this book that happens to be a straight romance, you’re homophobic” IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY AND IM SICK AND TIRED OF ARGUING WITH PEOPLE WHO NEVER BOTHERED TO DEVELOP READING COMPREHENSION SKILLS EVEN AFTER FINDING OUT THEY DON’T HAVE ANY.

Please for the love of GOD I am begging you guys to learn how to analyze literature. Like in an enforced curriculum at a high school level way. Please. YOU will be better off for it, and in turn the rest of us. This isn’t the new wave of boomer-esque hate against the kids. Gen Z is the goddamn future!!! This is a very specific, very VALID gripe, about a very small subset of kids who spent their formative years chronically online. And please! I am BEGGING teachers to recognize this and help their kids out to fix this. There is already a lot of hate in this world and we don’t need a new wave of people spewing hate under the guise of pseudointellectual liberalism because they don’t know how to see any deeper. This is one of the main reasons puritanism in the younger generation is exponentially on the rise! We’ve taken away the ability for them to form a fully informed opinion, and it’s now a self serving spiral. BREAK OUT OF IT, I AM PLEADING.

[wellntruly]

M*A*S*H - Season 4, misc. notes

Burying a lot of um, my feelings, in the notes section, lately. I do have this thing sometimes with a TV show where we go through a change, and it’s like taking away the way something was lands a hammer blow on a whole mass of unexpressed feelings I’d built up about it, and finally shatters them into SOME WORDS. That post that’s like, being wine drunk is like, I am ready to write back now. I am ready to write back now.

Episode write-ups here, this here:

— — —

10 points to whoever had the idea that Hawkeye would be fully clothed and sopping wet, literally standing there like a cat in the rain, at the moment he learns Trapper is gone.

Oh so he just said, Radar—kiss him for me. Oh my god Hawk I’d be fraying at the seams. WHAT’S BETTER, that there was something more between them, hidden in plain sight under the most unhinged cover of all time, Everyone Already Expects Us To Act Like This, or that there wasn’t yet, that this will be it, a swift peck from Radar on your cheek and something you'll wonder forever. Whew I don’t know!

Wait, this man’s name is literally BJ Hunnicutt? Wow. 10 points again.

BJ, mildly, being shot at: “I think I hate this.” Me, mildly, heart warming: “You’re gonna be great.”

Uh oh. This relaysh is gonna be a different kind of….oh this is gonna fuck me up in new ways.

He’s in no way doing this on purpose, which I think is fascinating in itself actually, for what it seems to say about the environment of war and sort of like, what your heart might do to survive, but the barrage of impressions and sensations Hawkeye hits BJ with in his first few hours in Korea could practically not be better designed for BJ to go zero to 60 in an afternoon on feeling wildly intimate with him. To the point that when we revisit the scene of Frank being like I will mold him!, you’re just like oh honey, he is already lost to you!

Here is what BJ Hunnicutt encountered, in sequence, upon stepping foot onto Korea:

a kind of handsomely bedraggled lanky fellow doctor in frayed fatigues tossing off glib one-liners while still visibly smarting from having just had his best friend unceremoniously torn from his side

within ten minutes, he has bundled you into a bar and quipped he’ll only get married once someone gets him pregnant, drunk two scotch & waters, revealed he’s just lost his commander officer too, lied to a colonel, said he was a vampire, and stolen a jeep

you rattle off down the road with this little corporal behind the wheel

with no rehearsal or briefing, you perform an improv scene with him and the corporal in what you gather to be Act 2 of an ongoing short play called Befuddled the Military Police Sentry

you careen to a stop and try to save two farm girls from a minefield

you careen to a stop again, and change a tire together while being shot at

you careen to a stop a third time amid a small unit of soldiers, this time while being shelled

you practice battlefield medicine next to him for the first time in your life, get sick, and he steadies your waist and forehead as you heave into the dry grass

he bundles you off into a second bar, sits there like an unbothered anchor of blackened comic calm as a chaotic scuffle rolls around you, makes the existential toast, “Ours is not to question why, ours is not to let ‘em die,” and gets you absolutely clobbered on sake and beer

you fall back into the jeep together and he laughingly gathers you into his lap

you are In Love

this man has just been directly involved in 50 feelings you’ve never felt before, not all of them good!, but damn if they aren’t powerful

Ferret Face doesn’t stand a chance

They keep saying it’s 1952. Buddy, it was 1952 years ago.

How do they keep managing to find boyfriends taller than Alan Alda, 6 foot 2

Alright, a) of all I just said aloud to my computer “Give me…celeb heights dot com,” insane behavior, but can report that the wonderful obsessives of that online community cannot get over ragging him on his “loose” “slouchy” and “atrocious” posture, but do think Alda truly was 6’2” at his peak and just inexplicably surrounded by three different 6’3+’s over the run of M*A*S*H. Incredible. Meanwhile the corporals are all like, my dad’s size. What was going on over there.

Wait, REALLY?! His nickname is Radar because he has premonitions?? I thought it was just because of his crackerjack hearing with the choppers! WAIT SHIT I’m just realizing: HOW HE ALWAYS KNOW WHAT HIS COLONEL WANTS TO SAY. OH fuck oh fuck oh fuck I did not know this was all RELATED, oh thank you for this wow.

[Breathing out] Hooooo, Hawkeye & BJ’s relationship is so different… There’s both more need and more tentativeness there, from Hawk. Which fiiiiiguuures. And BJ, god BJ… So drawn to him and so careful. Recognizing something in the hanging air in their tent, this ghost whose bed he lies in, lying awake staring at the canvas ceiling and wondering if he did the same, if he listened to his sleeping breathing just like this. Haha dang, sorry sorry

No wait not done no wait no wait— Who has the old photos to show BJ. Pointing out Henry Blake in a group shot, and then going, "[Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy voice] Ah, here they are—the inseparables :),” and handing him one of Trapper & Hawkeye laughing in each other's arms.

Potter: “Whoa, at ease, son, at ease.” Radar: “Thank you sir, maybe later.” Hawkeye & BJ, tumbling in: “Colonel, about the sniping—” Potter: “We’re doing all we can, I’m working at my desk and Radar is scared.” Uhm I love him

Unclear chicken or the egg situation here but Larry Linville’s performance has become basically just a caricature of himself and I am suff-er-ing. Frank used to at least be kinda fun awful!

I simply cannot see a way how the directorial adage “never work with animals or children” is not related to how we just got two Alda directed episodes in a row, with: animals and children, respectively. Did he not know. Did they know he didn’t know. Or, is this him being like, I Will Prove…!

BEEJ. Beej?? Well let’s see if that sticks.

Father Mulcahy just having a genuine theology discussion about Judas with the man calling himself Jesus Christ, bless

One thing I think is intriguing is how much Sid clearly loves Hawkeye. His ideal patient. Hawkeye is so verbal and presentational that he’d come up with the most interesting ways to describe what’s wrong that Sid’s ever heard, and then he’ll get to try to help. Honestly, I look at Sidney Freedman and I think, there’s our off-ramp. Someday, you two are gonna have to have a talk.

“Ah, this mad gay nightlife.” Yeah..

Wait a second. BJ’s wife’s name is….Peg? sensible_chuckle.gif, 20 points

BJ just grinning at Radar in only the most slightly and cutely wolfish way and going “You could have been my wife :),” yell. Y’know the question was always there whether BJ was flirting with men just as a way to bond with Hawkeye, Flirts With Men, but he’s not even there to appreciate this, this is really just you being you, huh. Wonderful. We got another one.

(God okay—Hawkeye writing these weird letters to Trapper that he never responds to but he keeps sending them, just like a one-sided conversation, like after a triple shift in surgery and Trapper would be lying on his bed too exhausted to speak and Hawkeye lying next to him too exhausted to stop, and Trapper’s home with his wife & kids and reading these diaristic stream-of-conscious scrawls with these stray lines like “the thing about BJ—I think he’s one of us,” and feeling five kinds of strange & nervy, bouncing his leg with the worn postcard in the pocket that he wrote on the plane and hasn’t sent that just says, “Did Radar deliver my message”)

BJ’s dog is named Waggle Hunnicutt

Madly in love with the reveal that Klinger is canonically Lebanese. Yossarian energy doubling.

“Thank you Radar, that tomato juice was the oyster’s ice skates.” Excuse me Sherman

The sexual harassment…effervescent.

Oh now we’re speaking Arabic!!

Potter: “He even made Klinger cry.” BJ: “The cad.” Potter: “Told him his platform shoes made him look like a tramp.” Everyone: [clicks disapprovingly]

Oho! Timeline klaxon! By episode 18 of season 4, Potter has been there “a few months.” Hawkeye has meanwhile been there “a hundred years.” Very good meta joke here.

Frank just called BJ a “dizzy simp.” Wow that kinda crushes actually.

I know why someone just honks outside, but I’ll show up on set for free to let you know that Hawkeye stumbles out of that farmhouse to see yes, Radar behind the wheel of a jeep, and gathering his bag out of the backseat: BJ. And then it just goes:

Hawkeye: “Well aren’t you a sight for sore head.” BJ, moving toward his jaw gently: “Ah. You got yourself knocked up pretty good, huh.” Hawkeye, toss at 25% usual strength: “And I’m pregnant??” BJ, half-distractedly murmuring as he starts peering at his eyes: “Well, give us time.” Hawkeye: [startled pleased dazey grin, quieting as BJ begins to carefully feel his fingers through his hair] BJ: [saves that right temple for last] Hawkeye: [it hurts] But, BJ, smiling: “Good news: you aren’t half-cracked.” Hawkeye: “Try telling that to them.”

And then we fini.

“Maybe Oedipus wrecked it for me” is A PUN SO GOOD

I can't even get into all the ‘Amok Time’ level cause & effect shenanigans in this episode

Alda and Farrell as these desperate pleading weaklings in Frank’s version of the Rashomom are killing me. I'm still giggling. “We can’t do it, Frank!”

BABYFACE. Wow I sure would like to see if that one sticks, Beej. Hah oh my god if I get to call them Beej & Babyface I’m gonna lose my mind.

I gotta say, I gotta say: spending more money on action and extras to track someone getting injured, treated at an aid station, loaded onto a chopper, and then brought into the MASH unit, was worth it. That hits.

Somehow just occurred to me Radar seeming so much younger and softer could be a direct result of his father figure being killed.

Wow this is a whole new key for you, Benjamin Franklin Pierce!

This new nurse: “What does BJ stand for?” Hawkeye: “Praaactically anything.” What’s fun is this is a joke about blow jobs and also his convictions. And also I STILL DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS BENJAMIN AND BENJAMIN.

I love her vocal fry. It’s so hot, I don't know!

Actually swear I had the thought recently, what if they ever did a sort of Demme close up? Would I die? Thanks for seeing me, M*A*S*H

Season Viewguides

These

[humblemediagenius]

It's au guys ask time >:) one 📻 for that song meme, and skin, break and future for the not-so-nice oc meme >:3

GENE YOU ARE MAKING ME WRITE SO MUCH BUT IT’S WORTH IT BECAUSE I AM INSANE OVER THESE TWO YAY

Song: mememe by 100 Gecs

I know I already sent you a different 100 gecs song that was on their playlist but I’m sending you another one because I am insane. Besides the fact that this is absolutely the type of music Luna listens to, I just think the lyrics fit these two PERFECTLY. Like, I interpreted the song to be about a breakup from a unattentive / uncaring partner and I don’t think that applies to Zeke and Luna’s relationship, but rather applies to their relationship with their ex-boss and with their hosts. It’s a big plot point that the two of them figure out who they both really are, and the traits that make them who they are as their own individuals is blatantly looked over by their ex-boss (and the canon counterparts to their hosts, to an extent). So it feels like the type of message they’d want to be heard, that they feel like their experiences aren’t important…….. ough. I even did a drawing to this song, I think it fits them that well. also yeah just 100 gecs is au guys core music IDK what else to say on that

ok now for the other ask game:

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them -a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

WELL. The AU guys take that one phrase “the human skin is hard to live in” to the next level because they are literally living inside human bodies but aren’t human themselves. Over time I think both of them have kind of accepted their fate, but they don’t exactly like it overall. Luna has somewhat grown to appreciate their host and appearance, but Zeke has actually gotten less comfortable with it. He hates the color red because of that jacket he had to wear for so long. They don’t HATE the skin they’re in but they don’t LOVE it either. But then again, it’s all they’ve ever known, so even if they DID get freed from their hosts they probably would base their appearances on their hosts (especially after they start dressing and acting like themselves).

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

God, this is hard to think about because the AU guys are generally lighthearted and not getting into situations like this. I know for sure Zeke could (and honestly probably will at some point) reach his own breaking point because he’s repressed everything he hates about being in a host and acting like someone else. He’s jealous of Luna and how they’re so confident about everything they do, and he is so SICK of that jacket. So after months, maybe even over a year of holding it all in he finally snaps and breaks down. Zeke is typically very monotone, calm, collected— so you may or may not be surprised to hear that he is an emotional WRECK. I mean, ugly sobbing, shaking, barely able to coherently speak. He holds a lot in, not just his thoughts but emotions in general. Luna is obviously the only person to see him like this, and also the only one to help him get in a better place.

Luna, on the other hand, I don’t feel would realistically get to their lowest. They’re very flexible. I think the only thing that’d ever cause them to feel that way if Zeke, like, died or something (and vice versa for Zeke as well), but that obviously isn’t happening.

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

Well the worst possible future that could have happened to them would have been if a certain ex-boss of theirs continued to mind control them and not let them break away; if it weren’t for them, they probably would have taken over Rackethill by now. In the story they’ve basically already avoided this fate, but they’re very much aware that 1) it very much could have happened, 2) it ALMOST really did happen and 3) they are never ever going back there again. I feel like Zeke especially panics about the fact it almost happened because for many months before Luna got their host, he was being mind controlled and he did not like it at all.

[cs-and-bellarke]

Bellarke AU: Pain?

Bellamy disappears without a trace and Clarke tried everything to find him but she couldn't, Bellamy had gotten taken and then he escaped. Do Bellamy and Clarke tell each other how they feel or do they just go on with being Co-Leaders?

Ao3, FF

Clarke’s P.O.V

Have you lost someone that you loved so much that it killed you once they were gone? You saw them even when you knew they were not there and no matter how much you remind yourself  that they are gone...they won’t go away. Bellamy disappeared 6 months ago and there has been no trace of him, for the first 3 months I looked nonstop until I couldn’t anymore, I never got to tell him how much I loved him and I wish I had but it’s too late now.

I am running camp by myself now and I miss him so much...Monty, Jasper, Murphy, Harper, and all of my other friends think he was taken by Lexa...my ex-girlfriend. I broke up with her because it was either I move my camp closer to her or I leave my camp completely...she also wanted me to stop talking to Bellamy all together. It wasn’t worth it, I'd rather still talk to Bellamy and run this camp with him then be with her, but would she really take him away from me like that. Octavia sometimes still goes out and looks for him when she is missing him the most, I would go with her but I have the camp to run and I know every time she goes...she comes back with nothing, and I can’t put myself through that.

We’re having a little celebration for Monty and Jasper because it’s another year of them being friends and it’s an excuse to drink moonshine and party. I wish I could say that I will for sure have fun but I can’t because my best friend and the man I love isn’t here with me, he isn’t here to make me smile and have a good time so I don’t know if I will without him. I go out to the med bay to see how the sick are holding up, they are doing okay and hopefully they will be out of the bay soon, I have even more work since Bellamy disappeared and I wish I had him, I wish I could find him, and I wish I could have told him how I felt about him.

Jasper comes into the med bay and asks “hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah Jas I’m just busy and I miss Bellamy” I tell him.

“I know you miss him, we all do but you need a break...come to the party tonight and calm down, relax”

“How can I relax when Bellamy’s gone”

How can I be able to relax when the one person I love the most has been missing for 6 months and no one…not a single person has been able to find any trace of him. How can you disappear without a trace like that? How could he disappear at all? It's funny to think about now because he used to hate me and he thought I most likely hated him but the truth is that I never hated him even when I wanted to…I never could. When we first met I didn’t like him very much and I have never lied about that but as time went on things changed and when he wasn’t around I wanted him around and when he was around I never wanted him to leave. He just disappeared and no one found anything that could show where he went or what happened to him. Why was he taken from me? Why was he taken at all?

“Clarke, I know you miss him but we all do” Jasper says to me.

“I don’t just miss him, I loved him and I needed him, I knew if I had him by my side then I could do this life thing but without him I don’t think that I can” I say to Jasper as I cry to him.

“You loved him?”

“Yes, I fell in love with him and now he is gone”

“Are you suicidal?”

“It’s not the fact I want to die, it’s the fact that I don’t want to live without him”

“I think he’s still alive Clarke” he says as he puts his hand on my shoulder. “If he wasn’t and someone took him because he disappeared without a trace they would have sent his body back on a silver platter”

“You still think Lexa did this?” I asked him.

“You broke up with Lexa and Lexa knew how Bellamy felt for you, god everybody knew how he felt about you, anyway and she was jealous because she knew he had a shot with you and that she lost her chance”

“How did he feel for me?”

“It’s not my place to tell you Clarke, but what I can tell you is that he cared for you a lot more than anyone else”

“More than O?”

“He cares about you in a completely different way, so in a way…yeah”

Bellamy’s P.O.V

6 months. It’s been 6 months since I was taken, and it has been 6 months since I saw Clarke, O, Jasper, Monty, Murphy, and everyone else. I am worried about all of them and I know they are worried about me or they think I’m dead, I have been locked in a cage for 6 months and I don’t know why they are keeping me alive. I don’t know who is behind this but I have a feeling that it’s Clarke’s ex girlfriend Lexa, she never liked me and she never will and because Clarke broke up with her she thinks I have a shot and she knows that she doesn’t have a shot with Clarke anymore. I hate not knowing if they are okay, I hate not knowing if Clarke is okay and I wish I knew and I wish I knew O was okay as well. Everything was almost perfect and then someone kidnapped me and held me in a cell for 6 months, I almost had the guts to tell Clarke how I feel about her and then someone knocked me out and when I woke up I’m in a cell.

All I want is to be able to make it home to Clarke and finally hold her in my arms again and tell her how I feel without chickening out, because that is all I want to do. I never got the chance to tell her when she was right in front of me because I was scared but I’m tired of being scared, I just want to be able to tell her and I hope she feels the same for me. I have been trying to find ways out of the damn cell and I can’t find a way, they feed me every 2 days and give me a cup of water everyday then they leave and don’t come back until the next day.

Why are they keeping me alive? What is the reason they want me alive? What am I of value to them? All these questions I have and none are answered because I don’t know who is doing this all I have is what I believe which I could be wrong. As I am thinking of who could be keeping me in a cell making sure I am fed and have water after they kidnapped me for some reason one of the guards came in.

He opens my cell and says nothing, he ties my hands behind my back and we walk across a courtyard and into a tower. Why didn’t they blindfold me? I don’t know but because they didn’t I know where I am and I know who is behind this and I was right it was…Lexa, I am in Polis.

They sit me in front of a throne and all I have is a fucking smile on my face because this is funny as hell that she kidnapped me just to keep me in a cell to make my people and the people I love think I am dead. “Welcome Bellamy,” Lexa says to me.

“What the fuck is this? You kidnapped me just to keep me in a cell for 6 months…long enough to make my people and the people I love think I am dead and for what?”

“So I can bring you back alive and she will take me back”

“Oh wow…so this is about Clarke”

“Who would it be about? Of course it’s about Clarke and when I take you back to your people you will not tell her it was me who took you and you will tell her I found you and helped you heal then I brought you home”

“And what if I don’t?” I asked her with a smile on my face.

“Then I will kill you and go to your camp and tell them I found your dead body and get Clarke back that way” she says to me.

I didn't say anything to her and I found a way to get out, there was a knife right next to me and so I took it and cut the rope that was around my hands without Lexa knowing as she was talking to her guards. They leave the room and I knew of a secret door and I take it and make my way to the forest to get the fuck out of here, I ran and I didn’t look back.

I ran…I ran for so long and I didn’t stop until I got back to the camp.

Clarke’s P.O.V

I ended up going to the party to make Jasper happy, it was almost sunrise by the time most of the kids went to bed, there were still some out and talking and drinking. I drank quite a bit but I had sobered up a little bit so I wasn’t drunk, just tipsy. I was about to go to bed when one of the guys who was watching the gate said that someone was out there, I opened the gate and I couldn’t believe who was standing on the other side of it.

“Bellamy?” I said in disbelief.

“Princess,” he said back.

“You're alive” I say to him as I hug him as tight as I can.

“I’m alive, I’m okay” He says and he hugs me as tight as I am hugging him.

“What happened to you?”

“I was taken by Lexa”

“Jasper was right? Oh my god”

“Where is O?” he asked me.

“Asleep, go see her just meet me back in my tent” I tell him.

Bellamy agreed and I went back to my tent to wait for him to come in so we could talk, seeing him stand outside of the gates of camp made my heart stop beating and hugging him made me stop breathing. I need to tell him how I feel about him and tell him how much he means to me because if I don’t then I never will and I need to, I love him so much and he needs to know. Meeting Bellamy was one of the best things that has happened to me and yeah I didn’t like him at first but I ended up loving him anyway and I wouldn’t ask for anything different. He brought light into my life and nothing could take that light away unless they took him away and I am going to kill Lexa for taking my light away. I sat down on my cot and started sketching, I didn’t know what I was sketching at first until I realized that it was the beginning of a face…Bellamy’s face. Ever since Bellamy went missing I started drawing him all the time and it was because I missed him and loved him so much and that was how I coped with him being gone.

For 6 months he was gone and I thought I would never see him again, I had hoped that I would but part of me honestly thought I was never going to see him again. When I saw him at the gate all that hope I had was turned into love for the man in front of me, he was alive and breathing and he wasn’t dead. When I hugged him I had gotten the best feeling in my chest to know it wasn’t in my head that Bellamy was alive and breathing and wasn’t dead, and I know Octavia will be almost as happy as I am that Bellamy was here and safe and okay after 6 months of him being missing. Drawing was my only escape from feeling the pain and sadness that I felt when Bellamy went missing and I love him but when I was drawing it was like he was here with me as I did. I would draw him every chance I got because I didn’t feel the pain of him being gone when I did but as soon as I was done I felt the pain and sadness all over again.

I ended up falling asleep by the time Bellamy had come in my tent and how I knew he came in was I heard him breathing and I felt him come over to the cot and cover me up and kisses the top of my head. I had woken up at this point and he sits down at the end of my cot still thinking I am asleep and he starts talking…

“You have no idea how much I have missed you, yeah I know me of all people missed the sassy princess but I did…a lot. You were the one I was trying to get back to the most and I didn’t know if I was going to be able to when I was first taken; but as time went on and they kept me alive I knew it was possible. I know you probably can’t hear me which might be a good thing but when I was in that cell I wasn’t really worried about O, I was but I wasn’t, I was worried about you and I know you can take care of yourself but I was constantly worried about you. Anyway I’ll leave you be but when you wake up come get me” he said to me.

So I pretend to talk in my sleep “stay…” I said.

“Princess you awake?” he asked.

I grabbed his hand but I made sure he thinks I am asleep and I think he got what I was trying to tell him and he ended up climbing into my cot right next to me and had wrapped his arms around me. I felt so safe in his arms, I never wanted him to take his arm away and I want to hold me forever, I love him so much and he feels like home. I end up hearing Bellamy start snoring slightly and that made me happy to hear that he is sleeping, I end up falling asleep again not too long after hearing Bellamy.

*Next day*

When I woke up and Bellamy was still asleep with his arm wrapped around me, I felt safe in his arms and I wanted nothing to change. I want him to hold me and never ever let me go, have you ever felt that kind of love for someone? I just layed there watching him sleep still in disbelief that he is home safe and sound in my arms, he was missing for 6 months and now he is home and breathing. Lexa took him and made me and the whole camp think he was dead and for what? To make me suffer then well done because she did and I will kill her for what she has done, not only taking him hurt me but his sister and the kids at camp that looked up to him.

He looks so peaceful when he sleeps and it looks like nothing can hurt him but the awful painful truth is that he was hurt, I don’t know what she did to him but what I do know is that whatever she did do she is going to pay for it. I just watch him breathing and hoping that he never stops breathing, seeing him breathing makes me want to stay breathing. He then opens his eyes and locks eyes with me and then he smiles. “How long have you been awake?” he asks.

“Not long, we need to talk” I say to him with a small smile.

“I know we do, I missed you”

“I missed you too, nothing was right without you, most of the time I didn’t even know what I was doing…I was numb without you”

“Clarke…”

“Don’t, please”

I sit up and turn my back towards him, I don’t want him to say anything…I don’t want him to say that he cares but he doesn’t love me the way I love him and if he did say that then I think it would kill me. “Clarke…look at me” he says but I don’t and I look at the floor. “Please look at me” he asked again and I still didn't look at him so he put his hand on my cheek and made me look at him. “What do you mean you felt numb?” he asked me but before I could answer someone outside was screaming.

We ran over to them to see if they were okay and what was going on and of course someone was training and was by mistake shot, they took the girl who was shot to the med bay and I turn to Bellamy “We’ll talk later” I tell him as I turn and walk to the med bay.

Bellamy’s P.O.V

Just my fucking luck that someone would get hurt when I am trying to talk to Clarke about something important, she was about to answer my question when someone was mistakenly shot. She told me that we would talk later but I didn’t want to talk later…I wanted to talk now but I walked away and went to make sure the wall was up to date. As time passed and Clarke was still working on the girl I knew that most likely the girl would not make it and Clarke would be a mess afterwards, I had also had time to catch up with Miller.

An hour goes by and Clarke comes out of the bay crying, she walked right past me out of the gate, of course I ran after her and she stopped running when we got to the waterfall. She sat on a log and cried, then she screamed as loud as she could and I think it made her feel a little better. “Did that make you feel better?” I asked her when she sat back down.

“What are you doing here?” she asks me while trying to hide the fact that she was crying.

“You ran out of camp, I wanted to make sure you were okay” I tell her as I walk over to her.

“I’m fine”

“No you’re not, she died didn’t she”

“Yeah she did, she was only 16”

“Come here”

I pull her close to me and she wraps her arms around me and she starts crying even more and I let her. I hate to see her so upset but as she cries in my arms I try to memorize the feeling of her in my arms and her letting herself fall apart in my arms. She sits up and looks at me and then she starts smiling and it was the most beautiful thing that I could see. “Thank you for being here” she says.

“Well I wasn’t going to let you come out here alone” I tell her as I keep her against my chest.

“We have to get back to camp” she says as she starts to get up but I didn’t want to go back yet, I didn’t want to let her go and I didn’t want to make this moment disappear.

“Wait” I say as I grab her wrist and bring her back down next to me. She looked at me with a question in her eyes like she was asking ‘what?’. “We need to talk and I want you to listen to me and what I am saying and when I am done then you can say whatever you want” I say to her, she nods and I place her hands on mine. “When I went missing the only thing that I was thinking of was trying to get back to you, I knew O would be fine and I know you can take care of yourself but I was constantly worried about you. When I escaped and I was running through the woods the only thing that kept me going was getting back to you and then I saw you and I was beyond happy” She is looking at me with tears in her eyes. “Before Lexa took me I was getting up the courage to tell you something and the day I was going to she took me, and what scared me the most was the fact I might’ve not been able to ever tell you” I say as I look down, our hand were still intertwined.

“Tell me what?” she asks as she puts one hand on my face and makes me look her in the eyes.

“That I am in love with you” I said to her, she looked shocked at first and then her expression softened and a smile appeared on her face. “I love you so much”

“I…I love you too” she says and I couldn’t help but smile at her. She then pulls me down to her and our lips connect with fire and compassion. As it gets deeper and hotter the more I wanted more so I knew I had to break the kiss so I did.

“We need to get back to camp so I can show you how much I love you in my tent” I say to her and with that she and I left hand in hand until we got back to the gate and she ran to my tent so I ran after her.

Writer’s P.O.V (Smut warning)

Bellamy and Clarke enter his tent and as soon as the flap of the tent is closed their hands are all over each other, his hands move over her waist and hips pulling her closer to him. Her hands were round his neck and when she felt his arms go around right under her ass she jumped up putting her legs around his waist. He carries her over to the makeshift bed and lays her down, he abandons his shirt and then he helps her take hers off along with her bra, he stops for a minute and just looks at Clarke like she is the only thing in the world. “You sure you want this” he asks her. Without answering she pulls him back down on her kissing him with as much force as she could and flips them so that she is on top, she pulls off her pants and then sits on Bellamy’s lap again and starts rocking against him. His hands land on her hips as she rocks and then he is pushing his hips up towards her.

As they are grinding on each other small moans and groans fill the tent, Clarke tugs on Bellamy’s belt and when she gets it off of him she throws it across the room. Bellamy chuckled and helped her get his pants off, after they were off Bellamy flipped them back over so that he was on top, his kisses started getting sloppy and kind of all over the place. He pauses and looks at her so he can memorize what she looks like when she is under him like that, she looks at him and smiles. He leans down and locks his lips with hers and he goes slow at first then he moves from her lips to her jaw and then her neck and he hits her sweet spot so now he knows where to mark her. He makes his way down her body with sloppy kisses until he hits the edge of her underwear, he slides them down her legs while leaving kisses on her inner thigh making Clarke moan softly. He moves his thumb over her clit a couple times make Clarke gasp from the unexpected touch, Bellamy smirks and then he goes down and starts sucking on her clit. She start to arch her back because of the pleasure she feels throughout her body,

Bellamy places two fingers in her making her gasp and moan, he is sucking and fingering her all in a rhythm making her legs shake, Clarke grabs Bellamy’s beautiful curls and tugs as the orgasm comes to the surface. She releases and Bellamy licks it every drop of her juices that she had released, she is breathing heavy but she still wants more of Bellamy. “Tell me what you want” Bellamy tells her, knowing that she wasn’t finished with him.

“You…I want you inside me, and not just your fingers” She said to him as she bit her bottom lip. Bellamy knew what he had to do so he takes off his underwear and lines himself up with her entrance and when he enters her she gasps because she didn’t realize how big he was until he was inside her. But she wasn’t complaining. He starts at a slow rhythm making Clarke arch her back and he knows she wants him to go faster but he is waiting for her to beg him to move faster. “Bellamy…please” she says.

“Tell me what you want, '' he says to her as he keeps his rhythm.

“Faster please” and with that he speeds up making Clarke go crazy. One thing Bellamy did expect that she would do was flip them so that she was riding him but he wasn’t complaining. She rides him until she and him both come to their peak, “cum inside me, it’s okay” she says to him as she holds him close. So with her words he does and then she lays down next to him and then he pulls her to him.

Clarke’s P.O.V

As the room now smells of sex I am now laying in Bellamy’s arms as happy as I could be, he is all I have ever dreamed of and more. “You know when you went missing I tried everything I could to find you” I say to him.

“I know you did, and I’m sorry you had to feel all of that” he says as he holds me as close as he could to his body.

“Did she ever tell you why…why she took you from me?”

“When her guards took me to her I had said ‘kidnapping me and holding me in a cell for 6 months to make the people I love think I’m dead and for what?’ and she said and I quote ‘so I can bring you back alive and she will take me back’ and I knew she was talking about you”

“She took you so she could try and get me back?”

“So I had told her ‘so this is about Clarke’ and she said ‘of course it’s about Clarke and when I take you back you will not tell them I took you and you will tell them that I found you and helped heal you’ and so I asked ‘what if I don’t’ and she said she would kill me then come here tell you guys that she found my dead body and get you back that way” Bellamy explains to me.

“I’m gonna kill her” I say to him.

“No no no Clarke”

“She took you and said she would kill you if you didn’t do what she said Bellamy, I can’t just let that go”

“I’m not saying you have to but if you kill her then you will start a war that we will not win”

“Then what do you want me to do?”

“Be here with me, stay here with me, and if she tries to come back and kill me then we’ll go to war” he says. He wipes away the tears that escaped my eyes and tries to pull me closer to him as much as he possibly could.

“I love you Bellamy”

“I love you too”