#i am disappointed and I wished the writers would have made some things differently

[jimmysea]

Defending day on the internet is not enough I need a gun

[legacygirlingreen]

Part 4 - Chapter 3: Graphorns & Phoenix // Sebastian Sallow x Reader

A/N: FINALLY finished the update for you all! Sit back for this one because it is a LONG one! Also I continue to stray from canon because... I don't really know I just want to. I really hope everyone enjoys and once again thanks to all the readers (old and new). HUGE shoutout to my main @strawberrypinky for helping with the smut. Seriously Idk how I'd have finished it without you... I love hearing from you all on your thoughts, feelings, theories, etc so never hesitate to reach out! <3 peace and love you all!

Warnings: NSFW content ahead this time! Mentions of blood, violence, death and almost! SA content also ahead so please be careful if you do not like dark content! This chapter is somehow extremely spicy (via flashback) and also very graphic so PLEASE know that going in. No Dark Seb content, but definitely dark Rookwood/Poachers!

Important info: I also use some Scottish Gaelic in this one along with a slang from the late Georgian/early Victorian era that was used throughout Scotland/Ireland mostly but also parts of England/Wales. If you need an explanation on their meaning/translations here they are ahead of time so it makes sense while you read! Also PLEASE if you have the time check out Francis Grose, he was such a fascinating writer during the time, writing about antiquities in Scotland as well as publishing a book on the vulgar slang being used! Always, there goes my scholarly loving heart for the day...

"Mo Leannan" in Scottish Gaelic is a term of endearment, usually used by men towards a lover, and translates to "my sweetheart" or "my beloved"

"Blow the Grounsils" is a slang phrase that was used throughout the UK. 'grounsils' are foundational timbers for a home, so it is a more polite way of saying floor/stair sex, or as Francis Grose explains "to take a woman on the floor"

Word Count: 14,000

Masterlist for series here: Sebastian Masterlist

Sebastian finally stumbled upon the gorge in which the last trial was to take place; he had come to terms with the fact that his love had been taken and may have to carry out her legacy in her honor… almost. Oh who was he kidding, he was not prepared to face the music. But for now, he didn’t have time to do so. Right now stopping Ranrok was the most important thing to everyone at large. Despite the nagging feeling he had to abandon Fig, and rush straight to find Poppy Sweeting and the grumpy potions master, he knew that if she was still alive and knew he negated his duty simply to rescue her, he would face her disappointment. 

“Ah, Mr. Sallow, I am glad to see you made it. I assume the Keepers agreed to let us proceed without Miss y/l/n.” Fig said, posing his statement as a question and he only found it within him to nod. The light was just about to make its ascent over the horizon any minute now. It felt strange for him to think that less than 12 hours ago he was standing on a piece of land he bought for the two of them, now, not knowing if she was even alive. He shook that off, turning to the professor. 

“So what exactly happens during these trials Professor?” he asked, still unsure how they began, only knowing that she often came back beyond exhausted, sporting minor scrapes and bruises, not wishing to speak of them. 

“No need for formalities all the way out here Sebastian, please call me Eleazar… as for the trials, they have all been different in orientation. This one however, I am unsure how we will enter. There is no portrait to discuss the steps to be taken. Given our friend is currently not available I reckon I will be allowed to help you more than I would have if she had been here. The only instruction I was given was to scout ahead before allowing any taming of magical creatures to fall completely to her.” Fig explained.

“Taming magical creatures? What does that…” Sebastian started, trailing off when he saw the sculpture on the stone behind them. The sight caused him to immediately shake his head before continuing “They can’t possibly expect me to-” 

Fig interrupted him, confirming his suspicions, “Tame and bring a graphorn to gain access. I do believe that is what we will need to do to get inside.” he explained, pondering a moment. 

“Aren’t they mostly extinct sir? Eradicated on account of their horns?” Sebastian asked, recalling the limited knowledge he had on the creatures. 

“That is correct, although I know of one that still lingers nearby. Further down the coast, a famed one still lives within a cave, known as the ‘lord of the shore’. However, he is quite aggressive, and they are nearly impossible to subdue…?” he told the boy.

“Wonderful. So I am to fight, but not kill a graphorn. Graphorns of course being considered one of the most dangerous creatures we know of, and what? Bring him here to open the door? He shall magically produce some key we don’t know of?” Sebastian said rhetorically as if it was all so simple. 

“It appears that way. I would go with you, but I admit I do not move as quickly as I used to. Graphorns are more likely to react aggressively when they feel threatened, and having more than one person nearby is likely to provoke faster.” Fig explained with a sigh. 

“Alright. I will go track down this ‘lord of the shore’ then. Merlin’s beard” the usually Posh boy resorted to the swear as he shook his head. 

“Before you go… and I apologize if I am overstepping my bounds… but you mentioned you were off school grounds yesterday.  Might I inquire where you were and what you were doing?” Fig asked and his blood ran cold. He knew that the man wasn’t asking to get him in trouble, but to admit to someone where he had been, felt odd. Knowing now it might have all been for nothing he decided why not let her closest aly and mentor be made aware. 

Sebastian reached in his pocket, grabbing the tome that disguised the ring boxes, passing it to the man without a word. 

Eleazar opened the tome, expecting to see pages, but was surprised to see it open to reveal two small boxes. It didn’t take a genius to understand what they were as he grabbed the more ornamental of the two, seeing the brilliant ring inside. Sebastian refrained from commenting as Fig passed the book back to him. 

He expected judgement or questioning from the older man, but was pleasantly surprised when he smiled at Sebastian. 

“I can’t say I am surprised, '' he said, his wiry hands playing with his own wedding band as he looked up at Sebastian. The two refrained from speaking for a moment. 

“I just need her to be alright. I can’t -” he trailed off, unsure if he wanted to open Pandora's box in a time of urgency and crisis. “I cannot imagine a life without her in it. She has slowly become my everything. My every waking thought, my main priority, my deepest longing. My strongest aspiration is to be the man she needs me to be. She cannot be gone. I don’t think I could manage to go on without her” Sebastian admitted to the man, holding back the tears threatening to fill his eyes as his fingers stroked the binding of the fake book. 

“If there is one thing I have learned, it is that her strength knows no bounds truly… as does her love for you. I admit, I was slightly surprised when she demanded to return to your side after being injured months ago, but after seeing the way you care for her, the way you boldly proclaimed the depth of your affection to your Uncle… I recognized that this whole time the flame she bares for you is no simple flame, but a raging fire. Ancient magic is one thing, but love is the true strength that binds us. Likely even now I imagine that love in which she burns for you, is what’s keeping her safe,” the man said, reaching a hand out to comfort him.

Sebastian’s eyes went wide realizing the teacher had heard his confession that night in Feldcroft. He chose not to comment on it, trying to let the words seep in and provide him comfort. 

“It is her love for my family however that led to her capture. If she had not been attempting to find a cure for Anne, this wouldn’t have happened…” Sebastian let out a frustrated sigh, pulling at his hair as he often did when he was frustrated, knowing that it was his own fault. If she hadn’t seen the depth of his obsession to find Anne comfort, she wouldn’t go to such lengths to sacrifice herself.  

“You cannot do that to yourself, young man.  I imagine Rookwood would have found her at some point regardless of your sister’s cure.” Fig said sternly, hoping to encourage the boy who seemed to wrongfully take on the blame for what had happened.  

“But-” Sebastian started but Eleazar stopped him, changing the subject. 

“I too, was quite young when I knew she was the one for me… I couldn’t have been much older than you are now.” Fig explained, reaching slightly into his tunic to pull out the chain which held Miriam’s ring, his fingers running over the cool metal. 

“Your wife sir?” Sebastian asked as Fig nodded. 

“Miriam, she didn’t particularly like me very much initially I am afraid. I admit, in my day I was quite, well, an arse. My friends and I were often quite loud, rambunctious and frequently in detention. She was always there, in the background of our classes, not drawing much attention to herself.  I feel guilty looking back realizing I overlooked her for so many years: would’ve saved me a many detentions… She loved the library, spent most of her free time there just reading for pleasure, or keeping to herself around the school grounds. It wasn’t until we were partnered for an assignment, and I spent time with her alone, that I realized how truly incredible she was. She had this wit about her, this amazing way of making the most boring topics sound fascinating.  I never liked to admit to my friends that I wanted to be a professor, or that I found the depth of magical theory interesting… but she could hold conversations that challenged me on an intellectual level I couldn’t truly comprehend. Suddenly I went from nearly nightly detentions to holed up in the library near her, reading in the silence. That silence turned into small conversations, and spending time together outside class. Eventually I was trailing behind wherever she went like a lost kneazle… why she allowed it I shall never know.” he explained, reminiscing his time falling in love with the woman. 

“I admit, that sounds familiar… ” Sebastian started with a smile.

“Oh believe me, the change in your behavior has not gone unnoticed.  I dare say, it’s admirable.” Fig said, smiling. 

“She just makes me want to be a better person. Hell, she had me getting along with my Uncle for a majority of the holiday, which I can’t say has happened in a long time, possibly ever.” Sebastian admits with a chuckle. 

“She mentioned as such. I did inquire about the safety of your home life, and I apologize if I overstepped any bounds. She explained the complexities of your relationship with Solomon with great care. I would like to say, if you do not wish to return to his home this summer, I will make sure that you do not have to,” Fig explained gently. 

“While I appreciate the concern… I do not think that will be a problem anymore… I already have purchased land, along with a house that needs much work I admit, but… it is mine. I was hardly planning to return to Solomon. Our relationship may be slightly more amicable than we used to be, but I do not wish to spend more time than necessary with him.” Sebastian explained.

“I understand. I just wanted you to know, should you ever need a safe place, that my home is open for you and her… I respected your parents a great deal.  I know it would destroy young Alice knowing that you were treated with the harshness you have had to endure from your uncle this whole time.” Fig told him, remembering the young man’s mother, and the love she held for her children. 

“I will keep that in mind if we find ourselves needing a place to go… the sun shall be up soon. I suppose I should be off.” Sebastian said.

“Of course. Sorry to keep you from your task.” 

“This has been… illuminating… would you-” Sebastian started, reaching into his pocket to retrieve the tome, “hold onto this so I do not damage it? I imagine taming a graphorn will not be easy, '' he admitted. 

“Absolutely, I would be honored” he said and Sebastian turned and walked a few paces when he heard the man call out “Might I ask why you chose a star?”.

“You may ask, but I do not believe I shall provide you with an answer…” Sebastian called with a chuckle before aparating away to find the beast he was to tame. 

To say the camp had fallen into complete and utter chaos would be a gross understatement.  The poachers camp had gotten from organized and orderly to a warzone in a matter of moments. She was startled upon seeing dark witches and wizards casting spells upon several centaurs, all armed with bow and arrow. The two groups continued to assault one another as several small fires burned within the camp, and smoke filled the air.  Shouting and battle horns filled the night and amidst the chaos she aimed to locate any familiar faces. 

That search was short lived however, as Rookwood shoved her back inside the tent, casting Incarcerous to force her into binds along one of the posts reaching a hand out of the flap long enough to retrieve one of the men who initially caught her.

“Do not let her escape or it’ll be on your head” Victor shouted before disappearing from her view. The man came closer, standing behind her as she struggled against the binds. 

“Oh would you look at that, someone appears to have scratched you Kitten” he said with a nasty smirk, bringing his hand up to caress her blood soaked cheek. She let out a shriek against the filthy cloth between her lips, trying to move her face away. 

“Would you stop moving!” he spat in her face. 

Reaching down he aggressively groped her exposed breast, making her squirm and begin kicking her legs as she attempted to get him to back up. He took one look down at her leg before he kicked her so hard directly across her]shin  she heard a snap, tears immediately springing to her eyes as he aggressively pulled her hair. 

“You are so easily broken kitten. Next time don’t test me. You are going to sit here and let me do as I please… same as you do for young Sallow you little Harlot” he screamed at her as she continued to cry, the pain from her leg beginning to take over her mind for the first time since Rookwood carved into her back. 

Suddenly she felt the ropes holding her to the beam released, however the binds on her wrists were still tied. She was forced onto her back as he crawled over her, and her eyes went wide in panic. 

“No, no no” she screamed into the gag but it wasn’t much use. All she could do was close her eyes, and think of another time and place… 

His brown eyes scanned hers intently, searching for any signs she didn’t want to continue.  They had decided to spend some alone time inside the room of requirement - as they so often did when they found a free moment - however this time had led to much more intensity than the pair had previously shared. 

“We don’t have to keep going, you know? I am perfectly fine to stop if you don’t feel comfortable…” Sebastian trailed off while his lower body continued to rock into hers.  They currently were pressed flush with one another, hips bones kissing between their clothes.  Sebastian’s right leg had found its between the pair of hers as she slid up and down ever so slightly on his solid and muscular thigh.  

Ever since the night in the shower, in which he finally felt the inside of her womanly walls with just his fingers, he couldn't stop imagining what it would be like to fully be sheathed inside of her.  Every private moment he had since that night was spent with his fist clenched around his manhood, imagining it was her velvety warmth surrounding him, pulling him in, instead of his hand. He almost always was able to release embarrassingly quick as he imagined the way her voice had sounded when he spewed the filth he spoke directly against her skin.  The way he threatened to put a child within her womb - something he had not realized brought him excitement to think about until that moment - became new source material when he was alone. 

Despite this deep rooted desire growing more and more powerful by the day, he still wanted any physical action they took to be by her guiding hand. If he was honest with himself, Sebastian hardly trusted himself to take the lead.  He knew if he did, there would be no stopping until his body got what it had been craving for weeks now: to be tightly pressed within her, until he filled her with every drop he could provide, all as he watched her come undone, squirming beneath him.  His mind would always go blank imagining the way her walls had fluttered around his fingers, and it caused him to become almost painfully hard to imagine what that would feel like wrapped around his length… 

“It is alright… I trust you Bash” she spoke with a shy smile, lifting her arms over her head to allow him to remove her top. Every time he had seen her in various states of undress it had been while bathing. Allowing him to do so now, although not a new sensation, however now without the guise of cleaning themselves felt different somehow. Knowing he would be able to see and feel her skin completely unobstructed by even water… 

Sebastian started to lift her shirt, moving it further up her torso until it pooled at her neck. Without warning he pulled it off her body completely, leaving her only in a thin corset as he brought his head down to her neck. Usually when he kissed her there, he was gentle, most often taking his time, and appreciated the soft sighs it drew from her. Now, she found him moving with haste.  She went to question it when she felt his teeth press into her skin before his tongue moved to coat the bite. His wet appendage soothing the area in which he had marked her. 

His kisses weren’t the only thing that seemed to have more energy than usual. His hips seemed to move faster against hers. His hands gripped her waist more firmly than usual, and if she had to guess, he might be leaving small bruises on her skin.  

His calloused hand lifted and he reached inside the cup of her corset, drawing out one of her breasts and squeezing the skin there almost roughly, as he moved his mouth down to suck her nipple into his warm and wet mouth.

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy the feelings he was providing… in fact if she was honest with herself, her undergarments were already soaked through as the young man seemingly knew all her weak points.  In their time together he had gotten much better at bringing her pleasure either directly, or by giving her enough of a mental image for when she was alone.  A small part of her wanted him to continue, to keep going until he had her fully naked and flushed beneath him, writhing as he continued this hastened pace while filling her tight hole with… 

“Are you sure? I just felt you shudder…” his voice was soft as he released her now perky nipple from the confines of his mouth, his breath making her shake. She looked away, wanting to avoid his stare. That did not last long as she felt his gentle fingertips abandon her breast and instead softly cup her chin. “Hey… look at me…” he pleaded. 

She always gave in when he used that kind but slightly commanding tone.  

“Please talk to me… tell me what’s going through that beautiful mind of yours” he asked, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, before running the back of his knuckle over the skin of her cheek.  

“I am just nervous that’s all…” she said, her eyes still not fully meeting his, as she felt him scan over every feature of her face. In fact, she found herself with her eyes locked onto the small white scar he had below his lip, apparently from a time in which Anne accidentally hit him in the face with a fire poker when they were young. She reached a delicate hand up, lightly using her thumb to trace over the faint white line that ran parallel with the outline of his plump bottom lip.  

“Why are you nervous?” he asked, in the most tender tone he could muster despite now being filled with anxiety that he had pressed her too far into things she was not ready for. He had hoped she would notice the change in his speech, but hoping for that was as useless as she knew him better than almost anyone. 

Eyes finally moving back to meet Sebastian’s, she kept stroking the small scar below his lip trying to ground herself before she continued. 

“Things have been… different lately when we have been alone. I am not uncomfortable with them, or with you, I simply…” she trailed off unsure how to word her thoughts to both explain her feelings and also not worry him. She had hoped Sebastian would speak up and save her from continuing but he didn’t. 

“How comfortable are we with having fully marital relations… At what point do you intend to stop? And if we continue, what will that leave for a future time?” she asked wearily, her face scrunching up as she hated to even ask him such questions.  In her mind, to commit to the extent of such acts would be to fully commit the rest of herself to Sebastian. Although she had no doubt in regards to their future… engaging in such physical shows of that was daunting to say the least. It seemed so adult, so distant yet physically in this moment it seemed possible. That fact was almost frightening. 

“At what point do you wish to stop?” he countered after a brief pause. She could sense the same inner conflict she was facing written across his features. The way his lips had remained parted, the way his eyebrows had drawn forward, the way his eyes looked both distant and close at the same time. 

She didn’t have a formulated answer for him.  The uncontrollable parts of herself wanting to keep going until they had done all that was natural… The other part wanted to wait. Perhaps not until they were wed, but at least for a time that could be special. She knew dinner was approaching and they would be rushing and she didn’t want Sebastian Atlas Sallow to quickly and unceremoniously deflower her, then go eat his weight in mashed potato surrounded by their friends as if nothing had happened… 

“I’m not… I am not sure… what-” she kept trying to get her brain and mouth to cooperate, however, doing so was proving more difficult than she thought as Sebastian’s hand had returned to stroking the bare skin beneath her breast. 

“How about this…” Sebastian started to speak but when he looked down and saw her wide eyes looking up at him, blinking so innocently and purely, he couldn’t help himself: Sebastian bent down and kissed her. His lips pressing down harshly on hers as he passionately filled her mouth with a groan before pulling away. “Sorry… I seem to be having difficulty restraining myself…” he suddenly felt very embarrassed, as his lack of restraint seemed to be what was causing their issue. Sebastian went to retract himself completely from her, when he felt a hand keeping him in place.

“It’s alright Bash… I am also having the same issue if I am honest.” She thought for a moment. “What were you going to recommend?” she asked, moving her arms to rest on his shoulders, her fingers playing with his hair as she let the weight of their situation evaporate. 

There was no need to be nervous: This was just her and Sebatian. They knew each other. They trusted each other. There was not a thing they couldn’t talk about. They would come to a resolution. 

“I was going to suggest… if you want to keep going we can always go until you are uncomfortable, however if I am honest with you, I do not know how well I will be able to hold back. I mean if you only knew the thoughts I was having right now… you’d probably be disgusted with me.” he said somewhere between shame and humor. The combination would be odd if he had been speaking to anyone but her, but there were no reservations at this point of their relationship. 

“Enlighten me then” she said. 

“What?” he asked, unsure what she meant. 

“Tell me what thoughts you have running through your brain. I want to hear them.  I can assure you Sebastian, they likely aren’t that different from my own” she said barely above a whisper as her hips rocked into his gently. 

“I.. I can’t.” he tried to reason with her, tried to get her to understand that he couldn’t. It would be the furthest thing from what a gentleman would do.  She deserved a kind, honest, man; not a horny, touch deprived, young man who wanted nothing more than to fill her walls with his release, despite not having any real right or claim to do so.

“Please” she begged, forcing his eyes back up into her own as she tried to get him to be honest with her about what he wanted. Except Sebastian didn’t know what he wanted that was within reason. 

“More. I want more.” was all he said with an exasperated sigh. 

“More of what?” she asked, perplexed by his answer. 

“More touching, more kissing, more contact. I want to go further than what we have been doing. More than even that night in the shower. I just want more of you. And I know that’s wrong of me to want, and I can assure you that this is not me asking you for such things. But every second since that night we shared that first kiss, I can’t stop thinking of claiming you in any way imaginable. Every moment in which I am next to you, it is all I can think of. Those sounds you make, the way you look as if the heavens have opened up right before me, it's all too much. How could I not have my mind filled with rich and colorful depictions of you. You lying beneath me, you lying on top of me, you standing next to me as I take you against the wall, you spread out across the desk: simply just you. Oh if you only knew the vulgarity in which I think of you-” he felt his whole body begin to shake at his open admission.  

Sebastian expected her to slap him, berate him, but he was surprised to see him eying his clothed chest curiously.  He was even more surprised when she slowly started to undo the top few buttons with one hand. 

“Hey, just because I told you that… we do not need to continue, in fact I do believe it is better that we do not fully commit to marital relations now.” he explained and she shook her head. He tried to reason with her, against his own body’s desires as she pushed the shirt from his body. “I mean it, I want to wait. I want to make things special for you. I don’t want you to feel pressured by my account when I know-” she interrupted him. 

“You don’t understand.” she spoke so matter of fact that it caused his eyebrows to draw. 

“Don’t understand what?” 

“The ways in which I want you Sebastian. You aren’t the only one who wants to feel the full extent of your length inside of me.  You think that I don’t want to give myself to you? You already have my heart, my mind, my spirit: how could I not want to give you my body as well? I have no concerns for the semantics but Merlin- it’s nearly the only thing I think about these days. How much I want to truly, irrevocably and wholeheartedly give you everything I am.  How much I want you to look into my eyes as you feel the full extent of my love.” She started in a similar tone to which he had spoken before.

“We don’t -“ he tried to get her to stop but she kept going as she moved her fingers lower, reaching for the clasp of his belt.

“You cannot possibly know how difficult it is when I see you sweating at crossed wands to not imagine you taking me then and there. How I see your hands clutching your quill in class and immediately imagine how they felt inside of me. You probably don’t even realize how I’ve gotten so well at rubbing my legs together to ease the tension under the desk have you?” She questioned rhetorically. 

She finished undoing his belt and the button holding his trousers. Sebastian hadn’t even realized she was already holding him in her delicate hands until he looked down and saw his length in her hands, blushing brightly and already leaking. 

“I agree that I do not think we should do such things now but trust me when I say that you are not the only one who wants to.” She said, staring into his brown eyes, trying to assure him that she wanted to go a step further. Not fully commit herself to him yet, but to find a middle ground in the meantime.

Sebastian wasn’t sure what to do. On one hand, she had already stripped him bare and she was nearly in the same position herself: only her uniform trousers and undergarments between them. On the other hand, he was unsure what this was leading to. As if she was reading his mind she spoke to explain. 

“I will tell you when I wish to stop moving forward… Can we please just keep going for now?” she asked, ever so sweetly and he knew that despite thinking this may not end well, he could not possibly say no to her when she begged him like that. 

Renewed was the sense of urgency and almost dominance in which he had before. Trusting that she would in fact stop him should she want to, he let go of the anxiety he’d had brewing and instead focused on getting her trousers down her thighs. It didn’t take long to push the offending material from her body, along with sliding her thin pair of bloomers down as well, leaving her as bare as he was.  

Looking around the Room of Requirement, he realized he didn’t want whatever was about to occur on the sofa of all places, so he stood, grabbing the cushions from the furniture, placing them in front of the fireplace, before tossing the blanket she kept in there over top of the makeshift bed he’d made. Walking closer he held out his hand for her, and she took it, allowing him to walk the both of them to the front of the fireplace. 

Slowly, Sebastian sank to his knees, pulling her along with him, as they both kissed each other while the fire crackled behind them.  He used his arm to pull her closer, wrapping it around her small waist. When her chest made contact with his own he couldn’t help but let out a slight groan, loving the warmth their bodies created together. 

His tongue entered her mouth without much resistance, as they both groped and grabbed at each other in the thrones of passion. Somewhere along the way he snaked a hand up into her hair, retrieving the pin she was using to hold it up off her neck, and pulled the offending thing out of the updo before tossing it as far away as he possibly could.  He then shoved his hands up into her tresses, collecting a handful at her nape before pulling it slightly so that her head tipped upwards to accommodate his tension on her hair. 

“I have told you so many times now, that I prefer your hair down” he said somewhere between a gruff commandment and a love drunk admission before continuing by saying, “All I can think of is pulling it, much like this, as I force my length inside of you, while I pull these beautiful tresses off your face so I can watch as you take all of me”

His words sent such a warm flash all across her body as she felt it almost painfully in her core.  The thought of Sebastian, pressing himself inside of her in that manner, a thought he seemingly had by his own admission, almost became too much. Almost. 

Her eyes immediately sought him in dire need, but for what for, she wasn’t exactly sure. She just knew she wanted him.  She wanted him closer.  She wanted him to keep touching her with the blatant need he was using.  She wanted him to keep talking to her this way.  To encourage him to keep going, she used her hands to grab onto his shoulders and pull him even more against her body as she flung her weight into his open arms, her tongue pressing into his mouth as she moaned against his lips. 

Sebastian didn’t even have time to open his eyes to check if she was alright before she had flung herself more onto him. Not that he was complaining however. He liked having her trying to get as close as humanly possible.  He abandoned pulling her hair, to instead cup the nape of her neck with his large palm, as he continued to let their mouths mesh together. Eventually he pulled away, almost lightheaded as he looked down at her with a hooded gaze. 

“Lie down on your back”, he told her and she humbly did as he asked, sliding off her knees and onto the floor where he had laid out the cushions. For a moment she looked up at him, eyes wide with anticipation before she followed his eyes as they tracked from her face down her body. 

She brought her arms up, attempting to shield as much of herself as she could from just openly being on display in such a vulnerable position but he quickly put a stop to that, as he moved to straddle her hips, collecting her arms in his hands, as he pinned them next to her face. Sebastian let go of her arms as he looked into her eyes. He could feel her body shaking. 

“Is this too much? Please tell me if I am being too much of a brute.” he begged her, hoping that she would be honest. 

“I wouldn’t say you are being a brute, but… perhaps we could ease up just a little…” she said weakly.  The comment about her hair, and wanting to enter her hadn’t been offensive, but it had definitely caught her off guard. While she realized Sebastian would never do so without her consent, and was likely referring to actual married relations, she still wished to dial it back some.  Not that she didn’t find the idea enticing - she did - it just should be reserved for a different time perhaps… 

“Absolutely, I apologize if I went too far.” he said,  shame filling his voice and she moved one of her hands to his waist and the other  to his cheek. 

“It’s alright. We are figuring this out together.” she reassured him. She still felt anxious as she could feel his arousal pressing into her hip bone, as he hovered over her bare frame.  

“Why don’t we just… lay here for a moment?” Sebastian offered after a long beat of silence and she nodded her head in agreement. Letting out a breath he seemed to have been holding in, Sebastian crawled back off the girl, falling to the space beside her in order for them both to situate themselves. He was almost surprised when she turned over, placing her head along his chest, flinging a leg over his hips, but he didn’t question it as he wrapped an arm around her waist. 

They laid there for a while, bare while cuddled up next to each other by the fire. Sebastian almost started nodding off, as the feeling of content washed over him much faster than he anticipated.  He always thought intercourse was the best part of being naked with a woman, however, laying here he realized that perhaps just to hold each other innocently had more appeal. Not that he’d know otherwise. 

What woke him up was a slight movement along his pelvis. When he looked down he saw her, once again moving up and down against his body trying to get some friction. Sebastian decided that it might be best for him to not say anything, and allow the girl to do as she wanted. Closing his eyes he let her continue. 

He didn’t open his eyes as she slid over him, legs going to either side of his hips. He didn’t open his eyes when she hovered over him pressing kisses to his neck, shoulders, chest and just about anywhere she could reach. He only moved to wrap his arms snuggly around her waist when she started to nibble on his earlobe, a feeling he would never get used to or neglect to enjoy. He didn’t open his eyes when she continued to move up and down along his thighs, despite feeling her wetness leaking out on his leg. He didn’t open his eyes when she stopped moving to pick up his length and stroke it - his eyebrows drawing as he was incredibly sensitive. 

He did however open his eyes, when he felt his tip pressed against something soft and wet. The feeling shocked him enough that he looked down to see if she had placed him inside her mouth. He was shocked however to find just the head of his cock enveloped by her thighs. He was pressed within the small area between the apex of her thighs and her womanhood, an area that had seemingly collected the wetness that was trickling out of her. 

Without warning she continued to rut her hips against him, sliding herself along his shaft, as she continued to leak all over him. Sebastian’s mind went blank. 

Sure he wasn’t inside of her, but she had her womanhood pressed against his length and she was getting herself off to the feeling of his manhood applying pressure on her clitorus - that alone made him want to scream in excitement as this feeling was almost too much. 

He looked up at her wildly, mind still blank as she moved and let out a cacophony of small noises. His mouth unintentionally fell open and he tried his hardest to not move a muscle for fear he would fall from between her leg, and this moment would end. 

He cried out when he looked down, seeing himself working open just the outer area of her body, the head of his cock nestled between her lower lips, from the unrestrained movements she was making as she worked herself closer and closer to release. She continued to move her hips along his own, using his body to get herself off and he let her. Something about watching the way she moved, knowing it was him and his body providing her such pleasure made him pulse. 

Without warning Sebastian suddenly felt a new sensation and he panicked. When he looked down again, he felt himself suddenly pressed against something he had only touched with his hands: Sebastian’s cock was lightly kissing her opening, yet not actually entering the hole. Both their eyes went wide, realizing she’d accidentally moved him that close to being inside of her. 

She realized what had happened in her uncoordinated movements a brief moment before Sebastian had, as she knew exactly where her body's opening was and how sensitive it could be. She recalled the feeling of Sebastian’s fingers prodding her entrance a few weeks back, and how he had stretched her. Now with the head of his cock pressed against the same spot, a spot she would one day allow him to enter in this exact manner, brought on a bout of shaking through her body. It was exhilarating to get so close to the edge but not go over it: especially knowing that at any moment Sebastian could thrust his hips and his tip would be enveloped inside her heat…

The unfamiliar weight of him pressing against her opening, as it throbbed with need. Need to get inside. Need to move within her body. Need to hit all those spots that had felt good under Sebastian’s fingers. Need to bury his load as deep inside as it could get. It was as if she could feel all of these things as they pressed together in this way. Her own body, also pulsating, with the same desperation of wanting to be entered, to be stretched, to be filled.

She stilled for a moment, as he looked up at her, on the verge of combusting. He imagined the pair of them looked quite similar. Hair damp with sweat along their hairlines. Blush covering now just their face but their chests and shoulders. Sebastian’s cock twitched painfully, knowing all it would take would be for her to push forward and he would be inside her velvety walls.

If you had asked him, he isn’t sure what exactly possessed him to do it truly. It went against every endorphin, thought and fiber in his being to do so. Yet, he cupped her cheek, forcing her to look down at him before he spoke. 

“This is almost too much truly” he squeaked out, voice very foreign to him. He meant it. As much as his body wanted to keep going he knew deep down this was about to get very real very quick. 

“It, it was an accident…” she tried to explain how they found themselves in the situation. She hasn’t meant for them to be this close to marital relations. She had just gotten carried away as she had been grinding along his shaft, lost in the feeling of pleasuring herself on his hard length, as the warm skin applying friction to her clitorus was exhilarating. 

Sebastian knew it was an accident, but that didn’t stop him from going slack at the feeling. It didn’t stop him from wanting to keep going despite knowing it was not a good idea. He took in a deep and shaky breath, hands abandoning her waist to run over his own face. Eventually he was able to settle himself the best he could while still being nestled that close to her. The pair had stilled when the contact had been made and for fear of what could happen they both remained with their hips pressed together in the same way. 

“Trust me when I say I would love nothing more than for this…” he trailed off insinuating what they both were thinking, “I can’t in good conscience do so without the both of us making the decision with a clear and level head”.

“I agree…” she concluded but didn’t move. 

“However… if you would like to keep doing what you just were…” he implied the rutting of her hips against his. He hadn’t expected to feel so close just from fucking her thighs and labia but the warmth of her skin, the wetness that spilled from her and the feeling of her movements was enough to also be getting him close to finishing, as it had been for her. 

She looked at him quizzically, almost as if asking which part he’d been referring to. Instead of speaking, he moved his hands back to her waist and lifted her hips just enough so that his length moved to lie, his tip touching his abdomen. When they looked down and saw it, leaking slightly near his naval, they sighed. He maintained holding her up for a moment with one hand by placing it under her thigh, then using his other hand to gently separate her lower lips, before setting her back down, this time on top of his shaft. 

Instead of waiting for her to move, Sebastian slid the girl's hips up and down with his hands, aiding her in dancing along his shaft for the friction she seemed to enjoy. They both sighed as she slowly started to move with his aid, her hands falling to his shoulders as she steadied herself on top of his body. 

Sebastian wishes he could say he looked into her eyes the whole time, but the way her breasts seemed to bounce and move with each rut of her hips was entirely too distracting for him. The way her body felt on his - the softness, the warmth, the wetness leaking out of her directly onto him - it was earth shattering. Sebastian could hardly imagine how incredible the real thing would feel some day with how amazing this felt. 

She also found herself in a similar situation.  She had never felt Sebastian’s hardness pressed against her front - it was always her back and usually the result of unintentional morning wood. To feel him tightly pressed against her pearl, sliding up and down on it as she felt the friction unobstructed by clothes, felt like one of the single most important feelings her young body had experienced. More so than when he just kissed her, or used his mouth on her, or even when he pressed his finger inside of her - this was so much better.  It satisfied her in ways she dared not to think imaginable. 

She found herself gasping when he moved a hand up to cup her breast, before kneading the flesh as he stared up into her face. The movement, the way he was holding her body, the way the Slytherin boy’s mouth fell open into almost a perfect “o” shape before his teeth snapping together quickly and his eyebrows drawing at the exact moment his cock twitched again under her rutting. Seeing the faces he was making, paired with the grunting sounds he had started to let out, no longer embarrassed to be vocal, she tipped her head back, unable to keep looking at him. The sights, the sounds, the feeling of his body under hers, it was too much. 

Her soft whimpers were slowly turning into louder and more uncontrollable whines as she felt a burn in her thighs from holding herself up, however she couldn’t stop moving as the pleasure it brought was better than the exertion to her sore muscles. Somewhere between catching her breath she managed to choke out “Bash, I -” as an explanation for why her thighs were suddenly shaking much more than before.  She only had a moment before she knew the exhaustion of moving on top of him would prevent her from continuing before she managed to finish.

Sebastian, despite not being able to put much of a coherent thought together, seemed to understand that her body physically could not move much more, so he abandoned groping her breast and instead reached to where she was rubbed against him, pressing his finger to the small hood there. The satisfaction of his action, almost instantaneous as she let out a shrill noise, letting him rub her clitorus with his middle and pointer fingers, all the while he took over from below as he moved his body up into hers. 

The strain of his physical action caused him to abandon his restraint in other areas, such as preventing him from the occasional grunt or groan leaving his lips instead of the usual more repressive sighs.  Even further, he found himself speaking incoherently to her without even meaning to, but once the words had passed his lips there was no putting them back. 

“You are a dream, Fuck-” he slipped in the swear amidst the phrase, but he knew deep down that he truly meant it. She looked absolutely radiant on top of him, her body flushed and glistening with sweat. Her trembling and voice calling out for him, and only him. Sebastian couldn’t help but bring his other hand up gently, running his fingers over her skin, as if to make sure she was real, that this was real. 

“You like this? Like how I am making you feel darling? Can’t you just imagine how someday you’ll ride me like this? How much better it’ll feel when I am pulsing within you?” he sighed as she looked back down at him, her eyes wide. Sebastian decided now might be a good time to speed up his fingers as he could feel himself about to release and he wanted to make sure she also reached that point of pleasure as well. So he kept going, since his words seemed to be helping her just as much as his hand…

“Naughty little thing aren’t you… almost let me slip inside you earlier… Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to hold back? Not letting you do so, when all I want is to just claim you…” he said as she looked around the room frantically trying to find something to ground herself as she felt herself about to go over an edge. Sebastian saw her, reaching his hand up to her chin, pulling it down so he could move her face closer to his, kissing her passionately before backing away to continue. 

“Don’t worry Mo leannan… I got you… let it out… don’t hold back…” he whispered sweetly against her lips despite a strong want to shout something much more vulgar as he felt her tense around him then cry out, burying her face in his neck as she shook. 

Sebastian didn’t still his movements, chasing his own release, but he did softly caress the skin of her back and reach over to bury his nose in her hair, breathing her in as he kept going - the more gentle and romantic tone shifting back as he felt himself on the verge of finishing. 

“Merlin, I love you. I fucking love you so much. I love-” he started as he sped up, wiggling his hips with more abandon than before, despite finding it more difficult to, as she had sagged more of her dead weight into him as she felt the aftershocks of her release. The words he spoke caused her to pull back and look him in the eyes. His face contorting with pleasure, his brow damp with sweat, his cheeks bright red. He kept saying ‘i love you’ with more and more gusto as he kept going, as if the phrase became a matra on his lips until he finally felt himself about to start spilling against his abdomen. 

“I’m going to -” he started as a warning to let her know he was finishing. She suckled in a breath, and at the last second she moved herself to rise. Sebastian assumed she was doing so to avoid getting his mess on her, but he was shocked when he felt her fingers angle just the tip of his cock inside the outer area of her womanhood, once again resting at just her opening as he spilled with a string of curses.  

She felt his cock throb intensely as her outer walls were flooded with his release.  She looked down at him, as his usual refined speech had been replaced with vulgarity, and it pleased her to see Sebastian so enraptured by what had happened that he allowed himself to act in that manner. Once he finally stopped spilling against her cunt, she pulled back, watching as it all ran down her thighs, before collapsing onto the floor beside him. 

The two let their breath even out before looking at one another, knowing that they had gotten as close to full marital relations as a pair could. The internal warmth and happiness that radiated between them was unmatched. 

“That was wonderful” she said after a moment. 

“It makes me really look forward to the real thing.” he admitted before he chuckled and pulled her close to his chest, not caring about the mess in their laps. “Although I do recommend us not blowing the grounsils when we do attempt the unbridled version”. 

“What? Do you have a thing against warm fireplaces and soft cushions?” she retorted as she attempted to situate his hair.  

“I am not going to deflower you on the ground: cushions and roaring fire aside.  I plan to save that for a bed, more than likely a marital one at that” he said matter of factly.  

“So you have thought of deflowering me…” she teased

“Deflowering you… bedding you nightly… putting my seed in you… list goes on I am afraid.” he chuckled, because despite the joking tone he used they both knew he was far from joking. 

“Perhaps you are a brute.” she said with a laugh as he joined in, the two of them moving closer in the warmth of the firelight… 

A familiar sound broke her out of the vivid daydream she’d conjured in her mind.  When she reopened her eyes she was shocked to see the phoenix - the one she’d rescued at the recommendation of Deek - with its talons buried deep in the man's eyes as he screamed. Looking down she realized that her bloomers were in fact still on, and the man had hardly gotten far as the creature she had saved, in turn had come to help her in a time of need.  If she wasn’t so tired, sore and frightened she’d question exactly how it had escaped the room of requirement. Perhaps she could figure that out later. 

For now the beast was attacking the man, who sought cover by falling to the floor and crawling in the direction of the flap, using his arms to guide him. She sat up, looking around to try and find something to cut the bindings when the bird flew over to her, sitting on the grown next to where she lay.  It lowered its head, and initially she thought it was to bite at her restraints but she realized instead that he was attempting to heal the worst of her injuries with its tears. 

Poppy had explained the strength of a phoenix tear in healing injury but she hadn’t expected it to be so immensely powerful.  Looking down at the broken bone in her leg, she watched it heal almost instantly.  She removed the gag from between her lips finally.

“Thank you friend” she said, lifting her still bound hands to stroke his feathered head and he bowed gracefully as she struggled to stand.  Still weak from the torture and the other injuries she held, she attempted to manuver herself to the table in search of a weapon to defend herself with or perhaps something to cover herself, however she found herself still shaken up at what had transpired. 

As much as she wanted to just curl up on the floor of the tent and cry, she hardly had time for that. Knowing whatever was happening outside would provide her enough cover to possibly escape, she knew she needed to act quickly. Finding her wand was likely out of the realm of possibility, however perhaps she could discover where the man who had attempted to assault her, had dropped his. 

Falling back to the floor she searched for it in the darkness.  Eventually her fingers found the wood, and she lifted it knowing this was her chance. Just as she moved to cast a spell to remove her restraints she heard movement at the front of the tent.  Moving as quickly as she could while injured she turned around, aiming in the general direction she heard the noise.  

She had expected the man to come back after settling from his injury. Another poacher who had come to check on her… Possibly even Rookwood himself. Instead she was met with the shocked and not to mention horrified face of her potions professor. 

Lowering the wand she stumbled forward, arms crossing over her chest as she made her way to him. Sometime as she moved he called out diffindo, loosening the restraints so that her arms finally broke free, leaving only the nasty purple lines marked in her skin from the rope burn. 

As she finally made it in front of Professor Sharp, he had already removed his outer coat, passing it to her in order to protect the young girl’s modesty.  To say he was completely and utterly disgusted when he had pulled the tent flap back was an understatement. 

Aesop Sharp had seen many things during his time as an Auror. Unspeakable types of horrors - the kind that kept him awake at night. Seeing such a young girl, who hardly appeared fragile, broken and beaten, not to mention stripped nearly bare, enraged him in ways he had not imagined possible. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he would soon be a father, and should he have a daughter himself, the thought of someone harming a girl so young in this brutal fashion made him want to burn every single criminal in the camp to the ground. Seeing one of his prized students near unrecognizable almost caused him to gag, but the man powered through for the sake of getting her out alive, and without further injury. 

He tried to find the words but nothing truly worthy of the situation would come to mind. 

She rushed towards him, tears still on her face as she sobbed a quick sound he perceived to be relief as he covered her shoulders with his long coat. He watched as she pitifully attempted to fasten the buttons on the inside of the lapel, her fingers shaking wildly as she sniffled.  He took a step closer, moving his eyes to look up at her face so he wouldn’t disrespect the young girl, as he pulled the lapels as far away from her body, hoping to avoid accidentally brushing her with his hands as he aided her in closing his jacket. 

It hung off the poor girl's frame, going down to her shins and falling past her fingertips considerably. Given the circumstances it did enough of its job at covering her modesty, despite looking painfully awkward.   

“I fear we don’t have much time Miss y/l/n. The distraction that has been provided to us I imagine has nearly run its course. Unfortunately you are too injured to apparate, so we must make it to the nearby hamlet and use their floo network. Are you able to move on your own?” Sharp asked, removing a potion from his pocket, passing it to the girl before drinking the rest himself. He knew if need be he could carry her, but given the pain already flaring in his leg he hoped it would not come to that. He simply needed to get her out of the camp and find Miss Sweeting as the centaurs covered their retreat. 

“I… I think so.” she said unsure and he looked into her terrified features, noticing the girl had not stopped shaking and her breathing had become erratic.

“We hardly have time to dwell on the fragility of the situation-” he started as the girl’s eyes once again glassed over with tears and he let out a frustrated sigh. He could hardly blame her, she was young after all, but they did not have a large window to escape. 

“Se-Sebastian?” She managed to choke out, seemingly asking if he was there and the professor shook his head, letting her know that the fellow Slytherin was not in the poacher camp. At first he thought she wanted the young man's comfort, especially now knowing the depth of their relationship due to Poppy Sweeting, so it surprised him when the look of relief flashed over the young girl’s eyes. She simply nodded, happy to know that her love was far from the camp as they set off, casting an illusion charm to avoid unnecessary detection.  

She was wholly unprepared for the state of the poacher camp as they made their way outside. Flames licked every other structure except for the tent she had emerged from. Dark wizards casting various spells towards the centaurs who fired spears and arrows. It was much worse than when she had emerged temporarily with Victor before being shoved back inside. The smoke, shouting and all around chaos all too captivating as she stood there stunned until Professor Sharp emerged from behind her, parchment in hand, as he reached to shove them inside the outer part of the coat she wore. Once stowed, he reached a large and calloused hand out, retrieving one of hers as he pulled her along as quickly as his injured leg would allow them.  

They didn’t make it very far before their spell was dropped and he pushed her behind him, her eyes falling on his waistcoat clasp as she heard Victor’s voice call out into the night. 

“And just where do you think you’re going?” he asked as she peaked her face around from behind the professor, the stolen wand she held pointed out. She refused to go back there. She refused to let this man walk away given all the pain he had caused Sebastian and his family. 

Professor Sharp instead spoke for her, “Torturing young girls, defiling them, Victor? That’s low, even for the likes of you” he seethed, not truly caring what the criminal would say. He was simply ready to get them out of the danger as quickly as possible. 

“I would hardly say I have defiled her more than that Sallow boy has. Perhaps you need to keep a better eye on your students, Aesop” Victor replied, not a shred of worry evident in his tone. 

“This has gone far enough. We are leaving.” Sharp was not in the mood to play games and he wasn’t below blasting his way out of the camp should it be necessary. 

“Oh please, that girl is hardly the delicate flower in which she pretends to be. If you could only see what she is capable of…” Victor alluded to her power and she began to feel herself grow more and more angry by the second.  As the two began to argue, she sensed her wand’s presence close by - the thunderbird tail feather core calling out to her like a homing beacon. Using the one she had stolen, she took advantage of the two men being distracted long enough to call out Expelliarmus, looking up happily as it flew from Rookwood’s pocket back into her outstretched hand. 

She dropped the wand she had stolen, suddenly feeling happy being reunited with the wand that seemingly understood her intentions better than herself. Immediately upon feeling it safely back in her own hands, she felt it vibrate, its almost sentience had always perplexed but delighted her. She did not however have much time to ponder this, as the professor was once again pushing her out of the way of Rookwood’s curses and hexes. 

“Y/n!” a voice called out from behind her, as Poppy Sweeting emerged from the battle being accompanied by Dorran. The girl felt Poppy’s arms go around her frame and squeeze her. Despite the pain it caused she was more than glad to see she was alright. 

“Anne, did you get to Anne?” she asked and Poppy nodded. 

“Yes I did. Solomon was furious, but Anne is safety at Hogwarts and the matron is looking over the book now. Perhaps she’s even healed already.” Poppy said slightly breathless as the fight must’ve taken energy from her. It was then the Hufflepuff looked over her beaten frame, eyes softening as she looked at her. 

“What did they do to you?” Poppy asked with a sad tone and wobbly lip, finally seeing the extent of the scar forming across her face and the visible marks. Above the girls a flash of red moved down, landing on a nearby piece of debris as Poppy turned stunned to see the bird. 

“Right now that hardly matters… Solomon knew what Rookwood did to Anne. That’s why he was insistent on Sebastian and I giving up searching for a cure.” she explained, looking up to see Sharp and Rookwood hurling curses at one another. Once again her blood boiling at the reminder he intended initially to hurt her love, and still likely would, given the chance. She refused to give him that chance. 

Walking forward before Poppy could stop her, she watched as one of the curses sent Professor Sharp stumbling back slightly. She moved her body in front of the professors, lifting the wand to stare down Victor. 

“Finally come to fight your own battles little one?” he taunted and she didn’t respond. Lifting a wand she attempted to send him flying backwards with bombarda, only to have him block the curse. 

“I will admit, you have a spark, but it's not going to be enough to protect that boy. It was always supposed to be him. And once we are done here it will be…” he threatened and that was all it took for her to lunge at him, magic neglected for a moment, as she threw as much of her body weight as she could into her fist. 

The satisfying ‘pop’ that echoed throughout the night as it collided with his nose startling everyone from Professor Sharp, to Poppy, even some of the centaurs close by.  Everything else in the camp died down for a moment as everyone came to watch her and Rookwood. She backed up only a few steps giving him room as his nose started to bleed. 

“You dirty little harlot!” he seethed as she stared at him from only a few paces away, wand raised ready for his attack. 

“Wasn’t it you who said that sometimes it's more fun to use your hands instead of magic Victor?” she retorted, remembering what he had said before he had carved into her face. The burning feeling of her now split knuckles only making her feel more energized.  

“You are going to regret that when I get a hold of Sallow do you understand girl? He is going to suffer just as his uncle had initially intended, and then some for your insolence.” he threatened. She did not see the reactions of her companions but the gasp taken in by Poppy drew the attention of Professor Sharp as he realized there was no getting between the Slytherin girl, so best to protect the hufflepuff. 

Calmly she stared down the man, watching as his fingers tightened around the hilt of his dark wand and she felt her own wand warm within her hand. Intuitions correct, she cast expelliarmus as Victor raised and fired his own. 

Expelliarmus. Avada Kedavra. 

Trusting her wand, she let its aim guide her, as its red bolt crossed with Rookwood’s green - a bright light emerging where their wands had crossed. 

She had never actually had her magic cross anothers, so initially she felt overwhelmed, certain he would win out this battle as the fatigue set in and he pushed it closer to her. She knew that if he prevailed she would cease to be.  Trying to steady herself as much as possible, she pushed back, recalling Sebastian’s smiling face and brown eyes, as she kept pushing him back. Their crossed section thus flying back more towards the center between them. 

Eventually Rookwood himself needed to drop the spell, no longer able to hold on. The two of them slid back slightly as they had successfully repelled each other. Using the opportunity she fired upwards quickly, not allowing him a second to rest, before summoning a beam from the sky, drawing it down upon him as he barely had time to react. He only partially deflected the ancient magic, leaving his usually regal robes scorched. 

Victor’s eyes went wide, realizing that despite all the injury, she still had enough power to obliterate him. Once again they stared each other down as everyone else watched, ready to continue fighting or run depending on who walked away victorious. Professor Sharp looked at the two, worried having already seen him use the killing curse once, but knowing if he stepped in that he could accidentally cause her harm by distracting her, or worse make his pregnant wife a widow and his unborn child fatherless. 

She felt wave after wave of rage within her, but knew that with her former auror professor behind her she could not resort to the unforgivables, despite wanting to. She could continue to use spells she knew, or she could keep using ancient magic. But one thing was for certain, she would not allow Victor Rookwood to walk away even if it was the last thing she did.  

“I am not leaving without my birthright! Damn the Sallows, I want what is mine!” he began to shout, once again casting hexes her way as she moved to defend them. 

“Charles Rookwood would’ve wanted you nowhere near that magic! As for the Sallows, you shall not go near them ever again. I will make sure of it.” she responded, anger finally seeping out as she stopped the last of his hexes. 

“The arrogance of a child!” he screamed, once again firing at her, her wand moving instinctively to stop it. This time, not with the use of a spell, but her ancient magic. Blue and Green streams of magic, crossing in the center. Hers not visible to the naked eye, only in the spot that theirs crossed could anyone see what she had done. 

Unlike the previous attempt, her ancient magic was much stronger than simply a disarming charm. She could feel it physically flowing from her, instead of just the air around her. It burned. It burned with power. It burned with her anger. It burned with her pain. It burned with her love for Sebatian Sallow. 

Deep down she knew Rookwood would not walk away.

She watched as it crept closer and closer to the man, as she pushed him back further and further. With each push of the magic she stepped closer as well. Rookwoods hat had been knocked off during the fight and as she made her way to him she could see every detail of his face. The crows feet near his eyes, the slightly grayish blond scruff on his cheeks, his cropped sandy hair damp with sweat along his hairline. Most importantly: she saw the fear in his eyes. 

After all the pain this man had caused she spared little in the way of remorse. Often she would consider herself to be a nonviolent person. She frequently seemed to have to settle Sebastian from wanting to start an altercation with people like Leander or his uncle. If possible with invisibility charms and potions, she tried to avoid using violence even on poachers, dark wizards and even goblins.  Yet this man, she could not help but want to watch as the light left his eyes. 

For all the pain he’d caused Anne Sallow. Every cry in which she witnessed at the girl’s expense filled her ears. For every argue she bore witness to between Sebastian and Solomon. For every night Sebastian had cried in her arms, feeling helpless to save his twin sister, frightened to face the idea that his last remaining family would be stripped away from him. The way his tears had filled her hair as he sobbed, his strong limbs going slack around her. For every frustration she held knowing that Rookwood just as easily wanted to harm him instead. It all came to a breaking point. 

Rookwood fell back, shoving the magic into the air by some miracle of merlin as he struggled along the ground to catch his breath. 

“I promise to stay away from the Sallows! I can tell you how to heal the girl! I promise, please just let me go!” he begged. How pathetic, she couldn’t help but think. 

Not her proudest moment, but she moved to her knees, crouching, then grabbing his coat lapel and shoving the tip of her wand under his chin, “Tell me then. How do I save Anne?” she asked, not feeling very inclined to believe him, but asking regardless. 

“She simply needs the counter curse, I have it written-” he started, frantically trying to appeal to her better nature as he continued to beg. 

“In the journal I stole.” she stated and he nodded, seeming to believe that he’d won her over. As she loosened her grasp. 

“Unfortunately Victor, that means you have no value to me.” she stated, pushing him back to the ground as she raised her wand once more. His eyes grew wide as he made one last attempt to kill her in order to spare himself. 

For the magical creatures. For Dorran and his tribe. For the people of the highlands. For Anne. For her heart and soul: Sebastian Sallow.

In the end her ancient magic pushed the killing curse forward, consuming his body with a dramatic flash of blue, visible to everyone around despite being a magic she alone could see regularly.  Instead of falling to the ground limp and gray, it was as if every fiber of him evaporated into dust, as the area where Victor once stood was replaced with ash. 

At this she fell, the centaurs once again raising their bows as the poachers and wizards within the camp began to apparate away or continue fighting. She could feel Professor Sharp's arms pulling her as she stood there stunned. Her face, she realized, was wet with tears and her body seemed unresponsive as he went to retrieve her. Collapsing into the man, the pain, exhaustion and emotion taking over. She had little fight left in her as he lifted her, despite the protest in his leg and set off to Feldcroft, hoping he could make it back before her injury set in. 

“I’m sorry” she said quietly into the man’s chest as he carried her, Poppy Sweeting lingering close by as Dorran and his second in command lingered to protect their escape. 

“Do not apologize. You are quite brave. Makings of a fine Auror if you ask me” he said, hoping to keep the girl awake, for fear if she closed her eyes she may not wake up. He quickened his pace, knowing he needed to get her back to the school, and quickly. 

“Sebastian?” she asked pitifully.

“I will find Mr. Sallow I assure you. And I will also be speaking with his uncle on the matter of conspiring with a known criminal. Solomon shall pay for what he has done…” he said sternly and she nodded. 

“I- thank you for rescuing me Professor Sharp” she muttered quietly and he looked down at her broken face, covered in soot and dried blood. 

“I dare say you did most of that yourself. Do me a favor and keep talking please.” he said, sensing that she was only a few seconds from nodding off entirely. 

“About what?” she mumbled 

“Anything you’d like.” he responded, shifting her weight the best he could as he felt the pain in his leg beginning to hurt more. “You’ve been such a wonderful influence on Sebastian, I hope you realize that. He seemed very… misguided before you arrived.” he admitted. Aesop recounted the conversations he had in private between himself and the other faculty, and how the girl in his arms seemed to have brought the boy back from the brink of falling victim to something dark. 

“I love him.” she said simply, through clenched teeth. 

“I think it's admirable.  So often we are willing to do anything for those we love.” Aesop recounted, thinking of his wife and how angry he had been when he met her. How he too was headed down a dark road searching for a cure, and only Rebecca had pulled him back to his senses. 

“It hurts” she admitted as a tear leaked out of the corner of her good eye and he softened, pulling her close as he picked up the pace once again. 

“I know, we are nearly there… I’ve got you. I promise.” he said, breaking out into a sprint as he saw the Floo Flame.

Sebastian had never quite felt adrenaline like this before.  Currently plowing through the highlands, running through the dirt paths at top speed as he barreled back towards the gorge with the last trial’s entrance he felt unstoppable. 

Subduing the Graphorn was much easier than he had anticipated. Luckily, Sebastian had always preferred fire spells, and with the ability to hurl them from a distance he did so for a while, until the beast charged at him. Given the opportunity, he remembered the words of his love, explaining how many creatures liked to be shown respect. He wasn’t sure what entirely possessed him to kneel instead of continuing fighting it, but he’s glad he did.

Suddenly the graphorn hauled in front of him, bowing back in respect, before allowing him to mount it’s back, by some miracle of Merlin he assumed. That led him to where he was : rushing into a group of goblins who were wielding that stolen magic in his direction. They hardly stood a chance as the majestic creature he currently controlled barreled through them all. 

Before long he found himself back at the entrance of the cave, Lord of the Shore standing up on its hind legs as he held on the best he could, watching as the entrance opened for him. Sliding off the creature's back, he gave it a gentle caress along its nose, as if to say “thank you” before stepping inside the opening that had only recently appeared. 

Inside he was taken back by the grandeur. The same architecture that filled the map chamber was inside. The beautiful swirls of blue, gold and bronze amazed him, knowing that some place so unassuming housed such splendor. After following the passageway, he finally came to an open chamber, seeing a portrait at the end. 

“Mr. Sallow, it appears you have successfully completed my trial. Only those who are worthy enough to gain the trust of such a strong and wonderful creature are allowed entrance. Perhaps… I misjudged your character.” San Bakar said as he looked down at the young man. 

“Your trial is over?” Sebastian asked, very confused. He was expecting to have to fight the large statues that his love described, and as he imagined he wouldn’t be able to see them.  To hear that Bakar’s only challenge was entrance was a shock to him to say the least. 

“I hardly see the point in nearly killing someone for the sake of understanding this magic. Although the memory you are about to witness will likely make little sense to you Mr. Sallow, you should do your best to remember as much as you can for your companions sake. Then take the pensieve artifact back to the map chamber. You will need to apparate as Niamh explained.” San Bakar said before leaving the portrait frame, signaling for Sebastian to head inside the chamber. 

Once he stepped in the main room, he saw the giant marble statue of the man, and as he came closer a tear spilled from the statue's eye, into the pensieve basin.  From the liquid rose a shard of something, in which he retrieved and pocketed for later, before moving to watch the memory from the late professor. 

As he watched the memory, seeing how Isadora began siphoning pain from even young students, allowing the large and corrupted magic to grow, made Sebastian nauseous to think that he had been begging for his love to do the same to Anne. Following the discovery of the last memory from Isadora he had considered what Isadora was doing to be the solution to Anne’s illness, now realizing it had much more sincestor consequences he refused to further ask her of such or allow Anne to suffer this fate. 

Removing himself from the basin, he looked around one final time before finding himself in Professor Fig and the other Portraits company.  

“Ah Mr. Sallow, I see you were successful in your completion of the final trial. Your love shall be proud.” Niamh spoke and he nodded, a small smile working on his face at the thought she would be thrilled to know he had gone in her honor and done so correctly. 

“What you have been shown young man, I hope you are able to properly articulate to your companion the gravity to which this magic holds. Given your abilities I would also recommend that once she is returned safely and begins to be taught how to wield this magic, that you will remain as one of her keepers. This is a legacy to be passed on, and when the time comes she shall need to formulate her own trusted allies to protect it.” Professor Rackham spoke to him. 

“I will. I must admit… I have not always had the most pure intentions with this magic. From what I have been told, I had grown to not fully trust your methods. Isadora left her own memories that we discovered via a tryptic. I now realize that Isadora, while having good intentions, was misguided in her practices.  I shalt let her fall into that with what I have now seen. You have my word.” Sebastian spoke honestly as the look of shock took their faces, before a small smile took over Professor Fig’s face, proud of the boy for not only his skill, but his maturity. 

“Regardless, there is still more work to be done now. The final repository, the one you saw in the memory is guarded. To gain entrance you will need a wand, composed of the artifacts discovered, to get inside. Professor Fig has the other 3 shards, and as we were discussing has already sent an owl to a wand maker. You are to go and give him the pieces then wait for him to construct the final product before returning here” Professor Rackham spoke and Sebatian sighed. 

Yet another errand for these Keepers when he didn’t even know if she was alive. Surely by now if she was, she would have been rescued. 

Professor Fig looked at him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I know you want to see if she is okay, but this is more important, you understand that right Sebastian?” he asked.

“I do. I just need to know if she’s alive” Sebastian admitted, finally feeling more of the weight of the situation pressing on his heartstrings. 

“I shall go see what I can learn from the other professors. Perhaps Aesop is back already. Regardless, this wand is a high priority. Go to Olivanders and I will learn more of what has happened to our friend… would you like this back?” Fig asked him, retrieving the tome and Sebastian nodded. It felt comforting to have it back in his possession. 

“I will go to Hogsmeade and then return when the wand is completed. Shall we meet near your classroom Professor?” Sebastian asked and Fig nodded, heading out to learn more about their friend. 

“Sebastian -” Fig started just as he was about to apparate out of the map chamber, stopping him, as the man returned to the space next to him. 

“Yes sir?” he asked perplexed 

“Is there anything I should convey to your sister or Miss y/l/n should I see either of them?” Fig offered the chance for Sebastian to let either of them know he was alright. 

“Tell Anne that I shall come and see her as soon as I can. I hope that whatever was discovered will shed some light on the situation… as for y/n… just tell her that I love her dearly and will do anything to keep her, and this magic, safe.” he said, not sure what else would be properly conveyed via another person. 

Eleazar nodded, and watched as Sebastian apparated away, heading to the hospital wing to await the possible arrival of his protege in whatever state she may be. 

To be continued…

Also you can find here, an audio of the spicy bit!

[caelyne]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

sonic prime s3 was. okay :3 spoilers below..

i really loved how episode 3 ended. as Sonic willingly gave himself up to Nine to prevent him from decaying the universe further, the other characters soon follow behind with the intention of saving Sonic from Nine. This look, on Nine's face, got me really excited.

The heavy breathing, the look of panic on his face, followed by seething fury. I was thinking, oh. He's about to start Screaming.

my problem is that.. episode 7, the last episode, is what I thought episode 4 would be. Right before the end of episode 3, it felt like Sonic was getting through to Nine. He let his guard down, and it felt like they were gonna talk it out.

but he didnt. instead sonic immediately ran back to the side of the other characters and was like 'wow howd you guys find me??? alright then lets show nine we mean Business!!!'.. and then the two armies fight in a barren wasteland with a crystal backdrop for 2 episodes.

it wasn't until they faced off at the top of Nine's fortress and into his lab that Sonic finally started to understand Nine's point of view. how this lonely, scared kid, with the power of the universe at his disposal, wanted to escape his old life and build a new one with Sonic. how Sonic's urgency to fix his mistakes and bring back his old world and his old friends made Nine feel like he was just being used.

as he comes to this realization, the same thing at the end of episode 3 happens. the others storm the lab, and Nine is suddenly in a corner; afraid and lashing out, threatening to destroy everyone... and then Sonic jumping to his defense when the others wanted to End him for wrecking the universe. I wanted to see more of that. More of Nine breaking down. More of the relationship between Nine and Sonic. More of Nine pushing Sonic away out of fear. More of Sonic desperately trying to be this kid's friend. More of Sonic trying to protect this kid that he loves so fucking much.

the season wasn't bad, i enjoyed some aspects of the character interactions and the animations and voice acting were Quality. But I guess the battle episodes just felt like filler. There was stuff going on, but it got old after Nine revived his entire army for the third time. My disappointment comes from the fact that the writers (probably correctly) wanted to focus on all of the characters they have. All the alternate versions of the main cast, the eggmans, etc. I think it could've been interesting to do it a bit differently though, rather than a whole big avengers battle with inconsequential robots in the same location for 3 episodes. myah! but i guess this is a action show more or less aimed for an audience that is younger than i am and probably not nearly as attached to Tails as a character, unlike me, who is normal, i assure you,.

shadow and sonic are so gay though. all of the flirting sonic was doing with him was good. and i cried when nine hugged sonic. i think i actually whimpered. im just.. so weak for tails/nine. especially when he's vulnerable. I just wish season 3 had a better plot and lead up to that moment.

[yoisami]

🗨️ you’ve received a letter from saki!

dear reader,

has 2023 treated you well? have you been well? did you enjoy christmas with your family and friends, and are you holding any celebrations for the end of another year?

i hope that you have felt endless amounts of joy during this time, laughed at both dumb and witty jokes, and filled your stomach with delicious food. i hope that your families are doing well and are smiling lots, and that your friends are also having the best times of their lives.

i’m sure that this year has been different for all of us. for some of us, it may have been the beginning of a new chapter, and for some of us, it may have been the end of an era. or maybe your 2023 was something in between, or both. for those of you who started something new this year, i hope that you find yourselves in a comfortable and safe position in this new place. and for those of you who have ended a chapter, i hope you’ve made thousands of memories that your heart will forever hold. i understand that goodbyes are tough—i’ve only ever been good at saying ‘hello’, and my ‘bye’s have always been a little bit tearful—but remember, after every goodbye, there’s always a ‘hello’ will follow shortly after.

this year, we’ve all grown. whether it be physical growth, mental growth, or emotional growth—we’ve all grown. if you don’t believe me, think about all the experiences you’ve been through this year. experiences change you, especially tough ones, because they force you to adapt to certain situations for the better. 2023, for me, was filled with a bit of everything. i’ve mastered cooking this chinese dish, finally memorised the lyrics to a korean song, and learnt that i must respect myself in every relationship i find myself in—platonic and romantic. you too, would have learnt a few things this year also. appreciate all these lessons you’ve learnt this year, and i hope that you carry them with you for the rest of your life, so that maybe, you can share with others what you’ve learnt in the future.

but sometimes it’s difficult to perceive negative experiences as something positive. perhaps this year, you’ve been hurt by someone dear to you, experienced a loss that you never thought you would lose, or “disappointed” yourself in some way. in those situations, it’s hard to keep a smile on your face, and it’s hard to appreciate the better things in life when you’re in the middle of an obstacle, but you are so strong, and i am so so proud of you. you are an individual capable of so many things in life, and i am always rooting for you with every bit of my heart. every little achievement you make—whether it’s winning an award, being able to look at yourself in the mirror without any feelings of dissatisfaction, or being able to stay productive for five hours, i am here cheering for you for every little accomplishment you make.

next year, in 2024, we will continue to grow too. personally, i want to become a better writer who can communicate her ideas fluidly, and be able to continue to share my hobby with you. i hope that we can all achieve our goals and dreams, and if not, i hope that we can at least walk a few steps closer to where we want to be. maybe it’l take some time, but we’ll get there.

i’ve hoped for a lot of things already, but i am wishing us all a happy and healthy 2024. may your year be filled with wide smiles and hearty laughs, and that it will shine brighter than any sparkler. thank you for all the love i’ve received here on tumblr, and i’ll make sure to continue giving you all even more love next year.

i lowkey blabbered, so if you read ’til the end, i love you <3

[dumblemonchickenwing]

Please bear with me, I had an odd idea.. (people who dislike joker and joker content / ideas do not look)

Batjokes but in an odd way

What if batjokes happened but between the underlings of respective characters?

A prophecy foretold that soon will a young blood join the Batfamily - a person of a noble heart and with a caring soul (Kevin). But Joker learned of it before Batman did and he caught said person in the prophecy and turned him into one of his goons. On top of that , he planned to change his mind and turn him into someone akin to his own clown self - to prove further that anyone can be manipulated and broken into a total maniac. And to add insult , he wished to do that to someone who is considered to be of the “same league” as Batman himself.

And so happened that, Batman took in a different man (Bill) - someone on the verge of crossing the line and someone who was filled with disappointment and who grew resentful toward the world. Batman did so not so much out of hope that it would be the man in the prophecy, but because he hoped to help him .

And its like a n open world game where you can play as Kevin and Bill ? And in that open world game you could make evil or heoric choices, and depending on which you choose you will get an ending.

If Kevin does evil things, at the end he fully turns into a new Joker, proving the Joker’s point. If he does heroic things instead, he gets a true ending. Canonically, heroic choices would fit Kevin more than Bill. A balance between good and evil choices will lead to a neutral ending, where Kevin just leaves and starts living his ordinary life but with guilt and existential crisis after being traumatized by Joker.

If Bill does heroic stuff and listens to Batfamily, he gets a true ending, but if he betrays Batman he becomes a rogue of his own and completely abandons all morals (?) and its some sort of neutral ending.

If bothe sides do good choices, they get to meet at the true ending, where they have to fight . But at the end they both realize that being on Joker’s and Batman’s side is no good and they both leave them and form a duo

Kevin is a sweethear with a heart of gold who is mentally very tough, so he treats Bill nicely and Bill lieks him a lot at the end.

I am not a writer, I just wanted to share a random idea (I am sorry for the quality of writing and for all mistakes in english)

Tbh i made this up because I really wanted a story where the Joker is the one who helps Batman mentally. But I felt that using canon Joker and Batman would be bad so I broke a leg and did this.

[bookscandlesnbts]

Hi! I have just see Jk tracklist and I wanted to share my op -

First: I don't understand why, only because I like Jk as an artist and person, I have to accept blindly every single thing he does. I have my ideas and morals and I apply them consistently. I like seven, I don't like 3D. I am not a prude, simply I find that 3D it's explicit in a dirty way. For example.

So:

• I don't have problems with not writing your lyrics but I'm a little disappointed that in his first album there isn't even 1 or 2 Jk credits. Yes he surely approved and choose carefully but it's not the same thing to really write them, we can't read the lyrics and be like "that's what he think" because we can't be sure that he specifically approved that phrase that we are "analyzing". Meybe that was the only phrase that he doesn't like lol.

• I know he is working hard and I respect him for that, I'm just sorry he is working at something that is not what in my op a lot of fan were expecting

• I think that all those songs will be more the 'no deep meaning' songs, again, nothing wrong with it. But when you are the frontman of a band famous for the deep meaning of their songs people have expectations. So for me the problem is that I and other fans wish to have from bts members the meanings, the ideas, the relatable lyrics, the personal style not songs given by random people. So I personally understand who is disappointed and find it valid.

Still I respect his work.

• note: tae doesn't wrote his lyrics too, but in his case Idk if he received the songs or if the songs were made for him, that is a little big difference.

Let me know if you know and what you think! Ty ♡

Hi anon. Ah, it seems as if you have entered today’s realm of stan culture where you are an anti unless you like every single thing an artist puts out and every single thing they do. That applies to all artists with huge fanbases not only limited to kpop. I’m talking Taylor Swift all other artists fans are moving the same way these days. There is no room for healthy discourse. You are either in or out. I also didn’t like 3D and I still don’t. Do I think that Jungkook knew the sexual innuendos in English that all the y/ns projected onto him? Hell no 🤣 tbh I didn’t know what “champagne confetti” was either and I wish I still didn’t know.

I’m a little disappointed too, but also not really and not surprised. We know Jungkook was having some sort of writers block/burn out around the time FACE was happening and some time after when Jimin was still busy. If it took 10 months to produce Jimin’s album and JK hadn’t even started working in March, then there was no way that he had anything to bring to the table for his album. I really wonder if they were all contractually obligated to release an album (except Jin) before MS. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did, and that would also explain the involvement of western producers and 🛴 grubby hands in everything.

I agree that we can’t project a bunch of deep meanings into these songs considering they were given to JK. Yes, he probably picked through his options, but it’s comparing apples and oranges when his other option would have been songs he personally wrote. And no, not every song written by someone is about their personal life, but songs not written by the artist definitely are not either.

I’m not fully convinced that JK wants to be working this hard tbh. He loves being on stage, but with some of his latest performances, his energy is different. I don’t know how to explain it, but those that can see it, see it.

I understand the disappointment, I do. But to be fair, the rap line have always been the brains behind BTS songs. Not Jungkook. Jungkook has written some great meaningful songs like Magic Shop but the majority have been by RM, Suga, and Hobi. So I am okay with departing that identity from BTS and JK as a solo artist.

True that Tae didn’t write his songs either but that didn’t seem to ruffle as many feathers. I think the fandom has always put a huge weight on Jungkook’s shoulders to be that “golden” maknae that the title has been bestowed on him. He supposed to be able to do it all and do it perfectly in the fandom’s eyes, in kpoppies eyes, in his country’s eyes. I’m glad he is letting some of that pressure go even if this is not the direction that I wanted him to take. I take comfort in knowing that he has people like Jimin to ground him and always remind him of home.

Thanks for the ask.

[trappper-johnathan]

The MASH time loop but it's Don't Hug Me I'm Scared style in that all the characters are stuck in the loop but they take turns being aware of it ((the phrase "passing the consciousness around like a blunt" comes to mind))

Cause there are certain episodes where it seems like some of the characters have more clarity of the situation than others. An example off the top of my head is Trapper in Mail Call with his "it's continuous" comment. Now consider his actions in that episode vs in Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde where he says Hawkeye is turning into a fruitcake cause of his breakdown. If you look at it through my view, his different attitude is because he's not quite aware of the time loop in Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde. He also has another big moment of clarity in Cease-Fire, and is the only character in that episode who is aware of the time loop. He doesn't get his hopes up cause the war isn't ending. It will continue on and on and on and they're all gonna remain right where they are.

@thebreakfastgenie has an analysis on Henry Blake knowing he's doomed to die in Abyssinia, Henry, but I also think Radar knows. Obviously he's emotional about Henry leaving, which is why he cries when they salute each other, but that last part of the episode in the OR when he comes in to break the news, it struck me as a little odd. Yes, people show their grief in different ways, but his body language and the tone of his voice kinda stuck me as...disappointment? Or at least an emotion along the lines of disappointment, almost like he was kind of resigned to it. The way his body sags and the way he says it with a sort of bone-tired sadness rather than a fresh wound makes me feel like he knew it was going to happen. Because it's happened before. And maybe that time would have been different, but no. Henry never makes it home, no matter how many times they do this. And he just... He just wishes it didn't have to be that way but it is. And he's gotta be the one who tells the others.

I think it's safe to say that Hawkeye is the one who is conscious of the time loop most often (The Late Captain Pierce is a great Hawkeye Sees It episode), but sometimes it feels like even he doesn't see it. I would say that the episodes in which he's the most out of character are the ones where the veil is thickest.

That's sort of where the DHMIS thing comes in for me, where he (or any character, really) will say/do something that makes the viewer go, "Hang on, that's not quite right." Cause when that happens it almost feels like the character is being puppeted by someone/thing, and so of course they would do something they wouldn't normally do, because it's not actually them. Now that's getting kind of deep into the time loop thing, where it's not just a strange phenomenon occurring, but instead some outside Being manually controlling the story.

You could say that the writers are the ones who keep them trapped in the time loop. You could even say it's the viewers, too! When I watched GFA and I finished crying my eyes out after Hawkeye was flown away at the end, my immediate thought was "I should rewatch the show from the beginning" and my second thought was "If I start back at the beginning, I have continued the loop and Hawkeye never makes it out of Korea." Which made me cry a little more tbh, but it also kind of made me laugh. Here I am, rooting for this tortured man to get back home and get well, and then I'm going to start back at "Korea, 1950. A hundred years ago" and put them right back where they began to suffer over again.

ANYWAY, back to what I was originally saying: they're all stuck in the time loop, and they're all aware of it but at different times and to different degrees.

[tagalongifyoudare]

The Fear of Repeated Disappointment

As I once again fall into my semi regular 911 spiral, I feel my anxiety continuing to rise, which sucks.

I am so scared that a similar thing will happen with 911, at least to some degree, that happened with Supernatural. Supernatural was my comfort show, my underlying obsession, a reassuring constant as new fixations came and went. I used to watch at least my favorite episodes every few months for almost 15 years. I have not watched it since watching the final episode. The way they ended it, invalidating so much love, resilience and struggle in the process hurt so much, I just don't know how to love it again.

I don't think this will happen 100% with 911 because it consistently has WAY fewer problems, and I have WAY more confidence in the writers/producers/etc. There are also so many more areas in which I trust they will end the stories well. AND I know myself well enough to know that if Buddie does not go cannon by the final episode of the show, a part of me will always be sad, disappointed, and upset when I rewatch it.

To me, it has always felt and looked as if Eddie was intended, since his first introduction to be the eventual and final love interest of Buck. (I have endless things to say about this, so hit me up if you are interested!) That being said, I think that up until the last few seasons, there is a strong argument for this just being "seeing what I want to see". NOW however, this no longer feels applicable.

I can no longer see a justification for them loving each other as only friends. I have friends who are more like family, as in, I would not be 100% surprised to be named as the responsible party for their child in the event of their death. I know what this kind of love is, what it looks like and it is NOT how they relate to each other, at least not any more. Both Oliver and Ryan are amazing actors, and have made these changes by choice. From what I know of them they are both good people, and would not knowingly lead on their fans...

It makes me feel torn constantly between optimism and pessimism, between hope and the realities of my experiences, between thinking the world can change, and feeling as if hate and ignorance will always win out.

Because for me, that is what it now comes down to. If one of them was female OR a bi or gay side character instead the two 'straight' leading males THEY WOULD BE END GAME. Without question. Without a doubt. No matter what. So, to me, it has now become a question of if a show on Fox will truly be the first show (at least in my knowledge) to have both of its leading "straight" characters actually fall for each other? I just don't know, and that is what scares me.

Based on my experience, they won't. And yet....they have handled so many stories that I thought they would do a poor job with, and they have done well. They haven't forgot about plot lines that I assumed they would.... I find myself trusting them more then I have with most previous shows, but still.... It just makes me wish I could trust that this world was filled with a little more love, acceptance and freedom...

I really really hope that 911 can do what Supernatural, Merlin, Sherlock and countless others have failed to do. I want it to give me validation, hope, joy. To say I will cry if it actually happens in an understatement. With so many heroes being revealed to be villains recently, it would be something quite spectacular to have 911 actually validate love coming in all different forms, at different times, and in unexpected ways.

[steddiesupportgroup]

Man, for a show I’ve fallen in love with and had so much anticipation for, I ended up kinda wishing I hadn’t watched vol2.

Spoilers and a huge rant under the cut

The whole time I was literally shaking with nerves about what was gonna happen to Eddie, to all of them. His last moments (the whole last two eps honestly) dragged on for what felt like hours. It wasn’t fun; it was nerve wracking. And yeah, maybe it’s my bad for getting so attached to a fictional character in a show where people die, but so what? He makes us happy in a time where things aren’t going super well, brought us comfort. If we can’t use fiction as an escape, what’s the point of it?

All that aside, I’m still disappointed about other things. El saying goodbye to Brenner and finding her strength was great, as was the whole thing with Hopper, but other than that? I spent the whole four hours dreading what was gonna happen. I feel like they took the whole “all hope is lost” thing way too far. Watching Lucas hold Max while she begged to die made me fucking sick, as did watching Eddie sacrifice himself. I hate this trend of having people guess who’s gonna die, it’s just sad. Lucas getting beaten up by Jason, who, yeah he died, but didn’t get what he deserved. He was grieving and deranged, and then he was nothing.

And like they touched on Steve’s character arc for a split second before taking ten steps back. I don’t believe that he wants to get back with Nancy because he keeps finding new people in his life, new experiences that change his worldview. Why go back to a girl that is hung up on someone else? This isn’t even a steddie thing- they could’ve touched on his growth without involving her. He’s someone who protects people now, who keeps putting others before himself and doesn’t stop fighting no matter what. Maybe he doesn’t even need a canon relationship to find worth and value. The dream with the kids was cute, but he’s so much more than some guy who can save the world but can’t move on from his first love. I want them to have love for each other, but they both need more.

And man, Nancy and Jonathan are really dragging on. I like them as a couple, really! But couldn’t they have other conflict? Or keep the conflict without involving Steve? All that buildup for them to lie to each other about how good they are, it just doesn’t make sense. I expected Jonathan to tell her the truth about college, or have him circle back to thinking about what it would look like if they kept holding on.

And yeah, Robin and Vicki at the end was just some hetero “we don’t know how to write queer relationships” bullshit. Just because they’re both girls and can have things in common doesn’t mean they need to be the same person. Robin deserves better than that, even someone who knows what she’s been through (winking at you ronance shippers).

I knew Byler wasn’t gonna happen, but man, they really couldn’t have had Will and Jonathan have a better conversation? Even at the end? It’s like “everyone knows so it doesn’t need to be said” but why not?? How is Will any different from Robin, who is somehow the only character who can openly talk about her queerness? Because he’s a boy? Because he’s young and in love with his best friend? I don’t wanna watch him cry in the back of the van with Mike if they’re not gonna have some kinda resolution.

I am gonna keep talking about Eddie, actually. His death was wretched, yeah. But the thing that breaks my heart is that now his name is tainted beyond death, and the people who loved him are silenced and pushed to the side. The Munson Murders, what a tragic end for a character who was so loving, so kind and gracious to everyone around him. And how are the writers gonna act like no one else in the group is bothered by his supposed death? They got to know Eddie, they risked everything to save him, and you can’t tell me that it’s business as usual after all that. If he is dead, it’s the worst insult to his memory. Ya know what’s better than dying a hero? Getting justice! Living to see another day with the people who love you! He could’ve become a braver person if he lived and he was already a fucking hero, because just like Steve, he cares about the kids. I can’t imagine what Dustin will go through and I really don’t want to.

So yeah. I know that the writers won’t see this, but I hope with enough pushback they’ll revive his character. If they can do it with Brenner after having his brain turned to mush, they can do it with Eddie after getting the same wounds as Steve. Especially after El brought Max back from the dead.

And man don’t even get me started on Netflix feeding into the Eddie love the whole time, it feels so vicious of them. Rbing steddie fanart and acting like his character was going somewhere. Like we get that little tidbit about Eddie’s dad teaching him to hotwire a car and for what? To never see him again? I don’t believe it.

Okay, I need to stop. Thanks for reading, I’ll be writing a fix-it fic within the next few days <3

[vodkacheesefries]

Okay so I finally watched the Netflix Avatar series and I have thoughts. Overall I actually thought it was okay. The rest of my thoughts are bullet pointed because it's easier for me to organize thoughts and keep them shorter that way.

What I disliked first:

They didn't trust the audience enough to fill in the blanks. The dialogue was really hand hold-y. It was almost like the writers were scared of silence and felt like they had to fill it.

They didn't/couldn't find the right balance between keeping the spirit of the cartoon and making it more serious. This caused the overall mood of the show to feel disjointed and almost like a different show at times.

Some of the wigs/bald caps werrrre...not great. Shoulda hired some drag queens.

I don't like that Mike and Bryan aren't involved. You can feel their touch missing.

I didn't care for the actor who played Sokka. It was partially what he was given to work with, like in the script, but I just...he didn't feel like Sokka. And I'm a Sokka girlie so that was sad.

Some slight changes were made to Aang's avatar state and. Idk. He doesn't even try to water bend this season? Weird choices, didn't care for those.

That was NOT Bumi. I refuse to believe that was actually him.

They needed more than 8 episodes. If they don't want to do a traditional 20+ episodic TV series, they need 10 at the bare minimum, but 12 would have been ideal.

Things that were okay:

Getting kids to act well is difficult, but I did think for the most part they did pretty good. But sometimes it was a little shaky.

Momo and Appa. They looked okay, but I hate it when things are very obviously CGI and have that like. Plastic shiny look to them almost.

They also weren't in the show enough for my liking.

The musical score for the most part, wasn't super memorable. The parts I do remember were the bits they took right from the show. Which is fine, I just wish they would have either done something completely new and WOWed me or utilized even more of the original score and really lean into it.

This could have been caused by the mood rapidly shifting from campy to Dramatic™️ so fast, but it sometimes it felt like an old kung fu movie and I think that saved some of the "worse" acting.

Things I, dare I say, loved:

Without getting too much into spoilers, because I do think the whole scene was pretty dope and you deserve to see it unsullied: Kyoshi.

Just in general, actually, the entirety of episode 2. The Kyoshi warriors were just. PERFECT.

The fight scenes were actually really well done and if they wanted to just film and animate people bending ala those old stick fight videos I'd watch that shit.

Oma and Shu are a win for sapphics everywhere

The avatar state visuals were also dope.

Dallas Liu as Zuko. He did SO well.

The Blue Spirit mask. Holy shit. That whole part of the episode. I love Zuko. So. Much.

While I'm talking about Zuko, because, AGAIN I love him, they made some additions to his backstory that I think worked really well. I can also see how, given they had 8 episodes to the original 20, these changes make it easier for people who didn't watch the original show to start to maybe like Zuko.

Ozai was already scary but he's. SCARY. Like. Daniel Dae Kim is scary in this role and I love what he did.

I did enjoy Azula being in it a little more than she was in the cartoon.

Most importantly: They let Sokka say ass. (Now let Aang say fuck.)

So like. Overall when I weigh what I liked vs didn't like, and how much I liked the things that I did, I'd give it a 3.5/5.

You will be disappointed if you go into it expecting it to be exactly like the cartoon. I do acknowledge I am an easy nerd to please, but just go into it with an "open mind" or whatever. Is it good? Eh. Is it fun? Yes! Will I watch it again? Probably not, but if there's a season 2 I'll watch it. 🤷

[conjectureand-gloom]

OMG I WANTED TO ASK YOU LITERALLY ALL OF THESE BUT I NARROWED IT DOWN TO FIVE. 11, 16, 20, 25, AND 40. I MIGHT COME BACK TO ASK MORE SO BEWARE

omggg im totally okay with more!! i certainly asked you sooo many lmao

11: link your three favourite fics right now

okay, i’ve just read some incredible harry potter fanfictions (disclaimer, jk rowling is a bitch) that my online friend has recommended me, but i won’t link those.

naturally, i would link mine to subdue immediately, but seeing as you were the one to send me this ask, i won’t lmao

currently rereading the thin ice ‘verse fics by @binch-i-might-be AGAIN, and i’m still sooo obsessed.

another fic that i really like currently is the addiction ‘verse by an anonymous writer

and the third one is between all the bleedin’ and fightin’ by break_so_beautifully and whumploversanonymous

16: how many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? share one of them?

ohhhhh i have wayy too many ideas currently, but my personal favourite idea is one where alex is captured and tortured, and they cut out his tongue :D

20: have you noticed any patterns in your fics? words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

yeah actually, so many of my fanfics occur during winter. like, i don’t know any fics that i’ve written that occur during summer?? and if i don’t state what season it’s set during, just know that i’m imagining it to be winter

25: what fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

definitely i may not live to see our glory… (my fic for the febuwhump prompt ‘muzzled’). i has got such a great response for my day 1 fic, and i remember being so confused why i didn’t have that many readers on day 2 either. ofc i do understand why, but it was sorta disappointing. another one is my dearest, angelica, another febuwhump fic. idk, i was really happy with this one, and i just wish i had got more of a response

40: if someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

this is such an immediate response to me; this scene from but this situation’s helpless:

He finally stops in front of the bushes that they would sit in together, and spins around to face her. Maria seems to have recognised where they are, and she steps in front of him, crawling into the small spot.

Alex follows her in, and sits opposite Maria, who is staring at his neck.

His pendant of the ashes from their pact.

It feels like that conversation happened a thousand years ago.

It feels like Maria is a completely different person.

He tucks his pendant under his shirt, looking down at the floor.

“We were teenagers, Alex. We shouldn’t have felt the need to make that,” Maria whispers, reaching out and putting a hand on his. “We still are. I just- you shouldn’t have to still be wearing that.”

“Well I am. Because it’s still relevant to me, Maria. The promise I made to you is the only thing keeping me here. I know that you’re doing better, and I’d hate to be the undoing of that. You’re the only person keeping me on this godforsaken earth,” once Alex begins speaking, he can’t stop.

Maria’s grip on Alex’s hand strengthens. “This isn’t healthy, Alex. I’m not- I’m not present in your life anymore. I should not be the only person keeping you alive . You need to move on, before my memory isn’t enough. Please, Alex. Try. I’ve managed to, and I believe that you can too.”

i actually fully remember writing this scene. i was sitting in class and i said to my friends, through tears, “i wish i could draw, because i would love to draw fanart of this scene”

so yeah. this scene just has stuck in my mind, and i know exactly how it would be drawn and everything. i just can’t draw. likeeeee the necklace, alex and maria sitting together, maria comforting him, the bushes. everything. just djwjxiwhd i am so not okay about them.

tysm for asking, i loved answering these!!!

[fran-in-the-deep]

Okay so, I need to get this out somewhere eventually and since this has turned out to be my writing blog, I'll just leave it here.

Clickbait Title: How I defeated my inner self doubt and have now written over 430.000 words in a year | extreme edition

Actual Summary: Me whining about how writing made me miserable, then I started writing fanfic, now have a very healthy and joy-filled relationship to writing. That writing can be fun and meaningful and I wish more people got to this point, whatever they enjoy writing, because it makes me genuinely sad to see so many writers beating themselves up over something that can be so fulfilling. And I don't mean the struggles of the writing and editing process but the constant existential justification that writers seem to have to perform. It's okay to just exist for a while.

I am one of those people who have been writing all their life and their life goal was writing a novel, publishing, becoming an author and all that. Make art, make something meaningful. I wanted to study creative writing, become an editor, the whole package.

I was also a dinosaur kind and wanted to become an Archaeologist, because nobody told me that it's actually Palaeontologists who research dinosaurs. Looking back I wish I would have stuck to this so it wouldn't take me however many years to figure out I now want to go back to it, though in a different capacity.

That is because writing was a chore, it was painful, it made me incredibly miserable. Yet it was the only thing I was good at, big fish in a small pond, small schools in rural area style. But it was always this constant perfectionism, so much pressure, so much disappointment. I have more bad memories of writing than good ones when I admit the crumbs of euphoria it sometimes caused kept me going.

Like, I hated it. The constant self doubt, knowing that I would never be good enough, that I couldn't write anything meaningful, that I just couldn't stop. I didn't even enjoy the stories I wrote myself or the feedback that I got, because as long as I wasn't publish, had really made an impact, it didn't matter anyways.

So where does this lead? That exactly a year ago I said fuck it, I don't care anymore. Fuck everyone and their high art and aspirations and having meaning and perfectionism and self doubt, just leave me alone. And I stopped writing.

For a month. And then I picked up AoT again, despite all the controversies and with no expectations and I ended up getting really invested. I started writing fanfic for it because I felt like it. I wrote by myself, for myself, no pressure and somehow ended up writing literally every free minute. You know, like Terry Pratchett did. Because it was just so, so much fun. I didn't know that writing could be so much fun.

So I wrote over 430.000 words of "bad fanfic" in a year. It was supposed to be bad, and stylistically it very much is, but even then I have fun re-reading it, because for once I'm the target audience. Because it only matters to me and that's what makes it great. And while I'm low key prouf of that number, it's not about productivity here. I haven't produced anything of merit for anyone else, and due to hospital stays and my life screeching to a halt I've had an awful lot of time to write.

Since then I've stayed out of most writing related forums because they remind me too much of how miserable I was and I just want to tell everyone in there, that they're allowed to have fun. That you can write literally whatever you want and that publishing, be it traditional or self-publishing isn't the thing that gives it meaning. You don't have to be read by a million people or make an cultural impact for your work to have meaning. I've hosted writing groups when I was in the hospital with some other patients a lot of the time now, and nothing of that will ever "matter" in the grand scheme of things but it mattered that we had a good couple hours together and they have something to remind them of that. The random funny short stories I come up for my friends with matter. My own enjoyment matters.

And it's not that I don't get it, I very much do and people are different, some kinds of writing are just not for me and that's okay. But it makes me somewhat sad seeing so many people beating themselves up about something that can be so much fun because of the mental image they have of what they have to do, of having to reach some form of grandeur so their pain was worth it, to justify their existence on this world. And for some people that works, but I'm not one of them and I hate seeing people sad, so I just want to wrap everyone in a blanket and tell them that it's okay to just exist for a while. Indulge in what you made, what you can do.

After that year I'm at the point where I felt like actually sharing what I write now, because I am petty and there isn't enough Hange fluff out there that's solely focused on them, and I can write, so I'm gonna be the change I want to see and fill that niche. (To all the other Hange writers, see you and appreciate you). And if I want to write about Levi, I just do that. Because I can, because it's fun, because I'm not owing anyone a product you pay money for. I still try my best to write a decent story, but I don't despair over it.

I don't mean to shame or blame anyone who thinks differently, if you told me that a year ago I wouldn't have taken it seriously. And there have just been many life incidents that changed my general outlook on life and whatever. Being in your early twenties is an absolute mess and things get simultaneously better and worse all the time. I've been hitting rock bottom so often all the time, especially the past half year, and writing fanfic has gotten me through it. My life might be objectively bad a lot of the time, but at least I have a good relationship to writing now. I can have fun. So that means a lot to me.

[eureka-its-zico]

Okay now that I’ve finally collected my thoughts..

This is going to be such a brain dump and I’m really sorry but I hope it makes sense 🫠

Chapter 8 surprised me in so many good ways and once again that shows how good of a writer you are. I don’t want to write any spoilers in case people who come here haven’t caught up so I’ll have to allude… but like

Wow

When people say that they’re going to write angst and hurt comfort and action with violence (some of my favourite genres don’t judge) etc I always expect these parts to be short and fast paced as that’s what I’ve usually come across because readers and writers alike, we just can’t wait to get to the happy part after a small dose of angst.

But I knew with you, when you said you were going to torture us you were not going to disappoint. And tortured I was but in the BEST WAY.

You didn’t rush anything, you went into so much detail, you made sure that we got everything with that build up (slow burn oh my gosh) before moving onto a happy moment (omg the first reunion with Z had me in BITS I was so on edge I wanted to scream which is exactly how this should be even if I was in pain - thank you and well done). I then thought, ‘okay wish we could have prolonged this but I enjoyed it for what it was’

And then we went back to angst??? And I thought?? ‘Okay okay didn’t see this coming I’m liking it okay. What other surprises am I gonna get’

And then we had another happy moment (my goodness the hurt comfort was THRIVING thank you for building that tension because my god did you deliver) so I thought again ‘okay that was a nice little surprise, so the MC is saved now’ and then you had that ending? That cliffhanger? When I tell you I screamed ‘YESSS OMG MORE ANGST MORE ANGST’ I was not kidding

I read someone say that they basically came here for Zoro and stayed for the fic and I’ve never related to something so much. What I thought I was going to get with this series compared to what we’ve got, has blown me out of the water.

If this was a book I would buy it.

You’ve just… yeah. I’m honestly blown away by your writing and how you’ve paced it (I know I keep talking about pacing but it’s something even well known published writers struggle with and yet here you are, doing it absolutely brilliantly)

I sent my friend a 7 min voice note the other day just screaming at her about how good this fic is to the point where she’s asked for the link (she’s a Sanji girl and mainly reads Sanji stuff so you know this fic has been sold well if she’s considering reading it) and honestly? After finishing chapter 8, I haven’t stopped thinking about it.

I just. I have nothing more to say. It’s incredible. So incredible I may even start rereading it. It’s just. You’ve ticked every single box for what I personally would want in a fic and that is rare and I know I’m not the only one.

Tldr; damn.

Sorry for the word splurge, I just needed to tell you you’re awesome

Osiyo, darling,

Okay. I’ve been disgusting this since you sent it because there is a lot of goodness in this that turned me incredibly soft. Please don’t ever apologizing for dumping on me about anything!

You are also incredibly sweet trying not to spoil anything. You are just a sweet and kind bean at this point who can do no wrong in my eyes.

There would never be any judgement here from me on what anyone likes to read. Just no judgement from me really on anything. My sister’s favorite things to read are far different from mine - she lives and breathes filth 🤣 - and that’s okay. As long as it gets someone reading and having a good time, it’s truly all that should matter.

As for the angst part, I can agree that we just always want to conclude the heavier parts faster to get to the good part, but that isn’t how I roll. I feel like it does such a disservice to the stories to not flush out characters and the scene. There is so much that can be explored in a moment and we shouldn’t be scared to do that in the slightest. I say this knowing very well I’ve been doing this with this next chapter 🙄

Angst is my bread and butter. I think, personally, I’m better at it than fluff or smut, although I work hard on these too, because I just want to grow as a writer, and not attempting them feels like a greater disservice to myself. So, just reading how much you enjoyed the angst throughout the chapter sprinkled in with all the other bits makes me feel thankful. I’m always hyper aware of this and making sure it’s always as balanced as I can get it throughout the story.

Ugh. To have two people tell me they came for Zoro and stayed for the fic makes me incredibly emotional. You don’t understand. Then to say if it was a book you’d buy it? Literally sobbing because it’s my dream one day to be able to publish something. Literal tears.

Add in the voice note rant and I’m hugging myself. This is so relatable. I literally do this exact thing all day. Just ranting throughout the day like a crazy lady about fic ideas or just things I see constantly. I’m truly humbled that my story is rant worthy to a friend 🖤🖤 the best compliment thank you so much.

I’m not sure there are any appropriate words to explain how much I loved reading this. How your comments truly impacted me in such a meaningful way. It isn’t enough, but thank you so so much.

[katnissandpeetamellark]

Ok ok I’ll preface this by saying i am a literature freak (English degree + a writer) and adaptions really do kill me because details matter so much to me in books

BUT if I had to rate TBOSAS movie I’d say it’s a solid 3.5 stars out of 5

There may be spoilers below

AND NOT BECAUSE OF THE ACTING OR THE BEAUTIFUL SETS OR COSTUMING. Absolutely great job by everyone with what they were given. The acting was a VERY good part of this movie

I hated the pacing. Often I felt it drew on too long or wrapped up too fast. It just ! I know the time constraint of a movie + a book of this length (the “main” action of the hunger games compared to everything set in 12 are so vastly different and would make this movie imo a nightmare to make no matter who did it)

And I also entertained the idea (by myself) of this actually having been split into two movies (which I normally hate so me even CONSIDERING it is wild) but then again!!!! The second half of the book even draws on stupidly long. I’ve read it at least 4 times and I get so damn bored at the end 😂

Besides the pacing, I am not a massive fan of some of the changes. Characters being left out (what tf happened to Clemensia? Where is Ma???? Did the twins even die in the movie?!) and the .. almost idiotic “telling not showing” the characters did? I hated that

I felt like the dialogue was … not amazing at parts of the movie. Which was disappointing.

Im beyond tired, so im sorry if none of this made any sense. Also, I have more opinions I just can’t think of any due to my brain being tired (it’s 11 pm)

And this is NOT me shitting on this movie at all. I think it was entertaining enough. There were just some directions I did not love. Still 3.5 is I think a fair rating (again I am picky lol!) I’d venture maybe for 4 if I could get past some of the things that bothered me.

Let me know if you have any opinions etc about some of the stuff I said. Again apologies for the messiness my brain and I wish to sleep LOL

[asperulaao3]

[Ramble] On the Implications of Descriptions in Literature

Some thoughts on the ways in which scenes and events are depicted, from an amateur writer.

---

Fiery tendrils of agony run up his arm, burning him from the fingertip to the innermost parts of his body. He wants to cry, he wants to scream, but this isn’t the type of sudden pain that warrants such a dramatic reaction. His agony has been a part of him for as long as he can remember, a lifelong companion that wishes upon him only the worst. It hurts like hellfire, yet at the same time, the longevity of the pain has numbed it, as though the fire has burned him into ice.

No matter how purple my prose is written, the fact is that this is a passage describing chronic joint and muscle pain. That’s all.

Life is astonishingly disappointing. We write and we draw and we animate, but at the end of the day, the imagery that we create often becomes much more vivid than the actual event itself.

Of course, perhaps it’s simply a matter of perception. Everything becomes less interesting the second time you do it, and most things lose their appeal completely when you do them everyday. Perhaps the regularity with which we experience everyday life has made us lose interest in it, which is why when we see it presented in a different form, such as through literature, it seems like a completely new and interesting event.

Still, I hold firm on the stance that this kind of vivid imagery only serves to romanticize everyday events in a way that makes them unrealistic. However, I am certainly not opposed to this kind of romanticization, if my own writing pieces show anything.

Vivid imagery, when done well, can make any situation seem incredibly poetic, even if the experience itself is extremely mundane. If you saw a person waiting at the train station, it would seem fairly normal. You wouldn’t see it as anything poetic, because there’s nothing particularly special about a person waiting at a train station. However, through art and literature, one can turn this scene into a poetic illustration.

This scene seems extremely mundane, and outside of literature, it probably would be. However, one could turn the person, or the train station, into symbols for countless ideals, or use overly dramatic descriptions to turn the scene into something else.

Thus, it can be concluded that vivid imagery in literature only serves to over romanticize an event, not accurately describe it.

This kind of overly romantic depiction can be seen in all forms of storytelling, from written works to illustrated works and even films. One could argue that this is problematic, as it results in hyperrealism - when the story based on the real event becomes even more real than the event itself, and thus people begin to base their expectations for life on the story, rather than reality itself. However, I don’t believe that the existence of hyperrealism is a problem.

Things lose their appeal when they are done repeatedly. This applies to many, many things. Living life, too, begins to become a hassle when you are forced to do it every single day.

But look at that. Instead of saying “life gets boring,” the above phrasing makes even boredom and depression seem so much more poetic. Perhaps that becomes romanticization of mental illness, but is romanticization such a bad thing? If whether or not we enjoy life is based solely on perception, then isn’t this kind of romanticization the ultimate method for achieving a positive view on life?

Don’t get me wrong; I have long since fallen in love with this thing we call escapism. If given the option, I wouldn’t ever leave my room. I’d lock myself in my own world, surrounded by nothing but myself and the dim glow of my computer screen, experiencing reality through the vast expanse of the digital world and my own thoughts. But romanticization in literature isn’t such a bad thing, is it? It allows us to at least think of our everyday activities as poetic, so that the monotony of the everyday doesn’t drive us all insane.

Literature teachers are constantly preaching the need to dig through the depths of the work, as though the author’s mind is an infinite space of creativity and higher level thinking. As an amateur writer myself, I’ve always disagreed with this method of teaching. At the end of the day, writers (and creators of all types) are humans, just like the rest of us. They eat and sleep and breathe, just like you and me. Teachers tend to place these people on pedestals, creating this great divide between the creators and consumers of the pieces. At the end of the day, however, I think that all creators, as with the rest of us, are just trying to keep themselves sane in this world of chaos.

I recently watched an anime called Blue Period, which walks us through the journey of a high schooler finding meaning to life through art. In one scene, colours explode out of the canvas as the protagonist paints, almost like a scene from an action anime rather than slice of life. These kinds of depictions are obviously unrealistic, but I suppose that this is a valid method to visualize emotions and sensations that can’t be depicted simply using pixels on a computer screen.

The protagonist himself is no one special, but the way in which he describes his insecurities and negative traits is incredibly poetic, which makes these “bad” things seem artistic rather than “bad.” It’s things like these that demonstrate the appeal of the arts - storytelling makes everyday events and mundane characters seem almost fantastical, which makes the burden of everyday life just a little more bearable.

My writing style throughout this piece, and throughout many of my other pieces, may seem overly sophisticated or condescending, but that, too, is just a matter of trying to make my existentialism seem a little more poetic lest I go insane. Truthfully, about halfway through this piece, I forgot what I was trying to write. I’d thought of an idea that seemed very coherent after watching Blue Period, but it’s since slipped my mind. Hence, the second half of this ramble is all just nonsense that I made up on the spot. I think that it shows, in some cases, where I went on a tangent. Alas, I ought to write ideas down before I start getting all prose-y.

Still, I think that the sudden change in style in the last two paragraphs reflects my views on literature, and even the rest of the world. Things may seem beautiful and artistic on paper, but at the end of the day, real life tends to be incredibly mundane and disappointing.

I was going to make a poetic and artistic ending, but I’ve lost that train of thought, too.

(Oh, also, I did a little sketch that was meant to be the thumbnail for this post, but Pubray didn’t let me format it the way I wanted, so here it is)

[true-autistic-tales]

lovesickness, chapter 2 "the party"

"the chin-up" |</3

lovesickness is an au/fanfic made by me and has my experiences of being lithromantic and transgender but mostly lithromantic with some mommy issues as well tbh

warnings for this chapter: underage drinking, intimacy 👀

also keep in mind that new chapters will release extremely infrequent and that i am a beginner writer, thank you

the story under the cut

9:50pm, only a few minutes until the party. axl stood up in his room, looking over to his little brother, sleeping peacefully. a smiled was placed on axl's face but quickly removed as he walked over to the window and opened it, sean waiting for him outside. before he hopped out the window, he glanced at brick again and quietly wished; "you and sue deserve better."

axl walked up to sean, sean grinning at him. "you ready?"

"i guess i am"

near the entrance to the house party, cars and other teenagers littering outside. now that axl actually thought about it, he had no idea who was hosting the party but they did seem flirty in the invite text. axl, sean and darrin walked into the house to be greeted with more teenagers and stereotypical red plastic cups everywhere. axl suddenly felt anxious, wanting to stay in a corner with what felt like his only friends for the rest of the night, but something instantly caught his eye. an attractive tall african american boy siting on a couch, he was drinking something out of a plastic cup and was staring at axl. axl felt uncomfortable being so fondly stared at, thankfully sean noticed and nudged him, signaling that their group would be going into a different room.

they made their way to a different room which was the kitchen and somehow more messy than the livingroom but instead of plastic cups thrown everywhere it was empty glass alcohol bottles. sean frowned, even though he was an adolescent teen, he still hated alcohol and such of the like. darrin had other ideas; "this party ain't too bad." he tried lightening up the disappointed group, raiding the cupboards for food. "you think there's gonna be some pretty girls here?"

"yeah, probably," sean began smiling to him. "there's a lot of people here." sean turned to axl, suggesting that they should go off with some girls for the night, axl chuckled at him.

"who the fuck is going through my cupboards again?!" the attractive boy came into the kitchen angrily until he realized axl was there. "oh hi, sorry for staring so much at you, you're just so hot." he apologized and placed his hand out which axl accepted until the boy said the last part of his sentence. "im hutch, well, my actual name is charles but everybody calls me hutch." hutch beamed at him, staring at him again. "i don't think ive met you before, what's your name?"

"oh, um, axl- axl heck." axl awkwardly answered hutch, hoping sean would get him out of this like he did before. hutch lovingly smiled at him; "welcome to the party, axl!"

"thank you, dude." axl could practically see hutch's thoughts about him, he sorta liked it in a way.

"ahem! other people in the room too?" sean made a loud coughing noise to get hutch's and axl's attention toward him and darrin.

"oh, right, sorry fellas." hutch faced them, trying to be as polite as possible. "you would like a drink?"

"no thanks, im not into alcohol." sean declined, shaking his head with darrin, if they were caught drunk, they would be killed by their families, metaphorically speaking.

"axl?" he slided to the socially awkward teen, rising an eyebrow jokingly.

"i don't have a lot to lose, sure." axl stated, shrugging his shoulders. unlike his firends, he didn't care about what people thought of him anymore, or that's what he liked it think about himself. he knew he would get into deep shit and he secretly wanted it. hutch handed him a plastic cup with the alcohol and he chugged the whole thing before dropping and stomping it on the floor to everyone's amazement. axl felt a quick rush through his body then an instant warm low, he made a involuntary "ahhuck!" noise from the feeling and taste. "another." he command, hutch chuckled and bit his lip while sean and darrin began to worry.

"remember to go easy with the drinks, buddy." sean warned axl but he didn't take, he just wanted the feelings to go away. he hated those feelings and those memories of his parents hating him, he wanted to forget, please let him forget.

everything was getting blurry, axl had forgotten how many drinks he had but he knew that he somehow made it to hutch's bedroom,they were cuddling and axl's favorite song was softly playing somewhere in hutch's room. "do you know how fucking gorgeous you are?" hutch stroke axl's cheek, giggling a bit. he didn't know how to feel anymore, the alcohol did its work. he finally didn't worry about frankie and mike for this moment but he should have guessed what hutch had plans to do. hutch held axl's face and looking longingly into his eyes, after a while hutch lightly kissed axl on his lips. axl pulled in closer, holding hutch's hips. axl loved this, he loved disobeying his parents. he knew that identifying as a boy then playing with another boy would make his parents unbelievably pissed, and he loved it but still something in his head was screaming; "either get me off or get off me now!" axl didn't want to listen to that voice, he wanted to live. the boys chuckled as they rolled over each other, making out on hutch's bed. axl was finally free for the night and damn he was going to enjoy all of it even if he got that feeling, that feeling undescribable of disgust but he pushed on. and on. "i love you, ax." and on.

"i love you, charles." and on.