#i am going crazy and i hope someone is suffering along with me

[weareuniqueandimportant]

YOU SHOULD JUST COMMIT SSSSCIDE... YOU'RE WORTHLESS... YOU VIEW US THIS WAY YOU'RE AN ABUSER A KILLER A MURDERER... TRULY... YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO US YOUR HANDS THEY'RE ON OUR THROAT... YOU'RE WORTHLESS AS RESULT... GO AHEAD... YOUR VALUE IS COMPLETE 0...

THIS POST IS ABOUT LESBIAN FOOD... NOTHING MATURE ABOUT THAT... I LOVE EATING SSSSIDE... THAT IS A TYPE OF FISH WE WOMAN TEND TO EAT TOGETHER... WHY DO THIS TO US 😢...

DAMN... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS COMPLETELY SHADOWBANNED POST WAS CHECKED BY THE SITE... THAT'S CRAZY... WHO EVEN FOUND THIS...? OH WHATEVER... HA.

[world0fmadness]

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ✩ ˚ FIRE AND ICE

kimi raikkonen x cky / jackass member! wife! reader x ( platonic! ) oc daughter x ( platonic! ) oc son

featuring: a daughter called tilly because it’s just such a pretty name and some dico and rake slander

faceclaim: assorted but mainly lucy liu

୨୧ okay so the timeline on this one is a little messy but please just deal with it <3 i imagine they met when they were around 21, had their daughter when they were around 28 and married when they were around 30… so their daughter is around 16 years old… is that messy? a lot of this is from the pov of their daughter and fan accounts since social media wasn’t really a thing in the early 2000’s and stuff…

reading music recommendations: lost in a contraption by cky - along comes mary by bloodhound gang - your sweet 666 by him

loveuyn: thinking about how in an old interview yn said she was going to keep her first ever car so it can be her future child’s first car and now tilly has it and absolutely loves it 🥹 photos from tilly’s social media

ckylvr: it’s so crazy seeing her drive the car that was featured in SO much of the early cky stuff 💔 every time i see her post it i do the leonardo dicaprio point like “ oh! that’s the car bam jumped off while it sped down a road ”

❤️ liked by tillyraikkonenln

ynlnstomponme: i hope yn cleaned it REALLY good lmao… the amount of times people have been caught on video vomiting in it is genuinely nuts

> loveuyn: not to mention the blood lmao 😭

> ynlnsbackhand: if that car could talk…

> loveuyn: if that car could talk it’d be taking yn to court straight away for pain and suffering

tillyraikkonenln: the best part about being a late 2000’s baby is you get all your parents cool vintage stuff :D

ynraikkonenln ✔️: you’re grounded for a year

> tillyraikkonenln: i’m sorry mom :(

❤️ liked by ynraikkonenln and kimiraikkonen

> iluvf1: teens calling stuff their parents used when THEY were teens “vintage” just to annoy them is so funny to me

> loveuyn: crying rn, the time tilly was on live and someone commented to ask yn and kimi about AOL “ what the hell is AOL”… and yn immediately giving her a whole history on how she used to flirt with boys in her school over AOL while kimi and tilly just watched her ramble from the side

> oldf1lvr: she needed to educate her baby on the old ways real quick 😭

> kimicelover: kimi had SO MUCH love in his eyes on that livestream… i want what they have

oldf1lvr: tilly, who’s your favourite grid uncle?

> tillyraikkonenln: seb!

> sebastianvettel ✔️: the greatest medal of honour! thank you tilly, come visit soon - sebastian ❤️

> lewishamilton ✔️: what at am i? chopped liver?

> tillyraikkonenln: sorry uncle lew :3

❤️ liked by lewishamilton

> jackass4ever: favourite jackass uncle?

> tillyraikkonenln: CHRIS! definitely chris

❤️ liked by chrispontious

> chrispontious ✔️: thank you very much tilly, always knew you were smarter than your mother

> ynraikkonenln ✔️: get lost 🙄

ckylvr: the amount of HIM and CKY pin badges you can spot in that pile 💔 take me backkkk

jackass4ever: what’s the nastiest thing your mom did on cky? in your opinion…

> tillyraikkonenln: kissed dico and rake 😟

loveuyn: yn’s grid milf fashion highlight ❤️

tillyraikkonenln: i don’t think i’ll ever get used to people calling my mother a milf :(

> iluvf1: lmao poor tilly 😭

oldf1lvr: kimi in the third picture in a boring ass button up and jeans… i hate m*n

> ynlnsbackhand: she’s EVERYTHING, he’s just ken

iluvf1: i miss seeing her interact with fans in the paddock so much, bring our mom back 💔

> tillyraikkonenln: she misses interacting with people in the paddock! they’ll visit soon, her and dad have just been busy with KJ ❤️

> new2f1: KJ? who is that?

> oldf1lvr: it’s their son! they haven’t revealed his name or anything yet since he’s only 5 so they call him KJ because according to yn he’s a double of kimi

> iluvf1: kimi’s genes are incredible because tilly looks EXACTLY like him too 😭

> loveuyn: she’s a double of kimi look wise but has the exact same personality as yn

❤️ liked by tillyraikkonenln

loveuyn: gentle reminder of these adorable pictures yn posted when she was pregnant with KJ ( and the only pictures we have of him so far )

ynlnsbackhand: her comfy mom era was her best era, fight me

❤️ liked by tillyraikkonenln

oldf1lvr: baby KJ 🥹 you can’t even see his face but you can tell he totally IS a copy of kimi

kimicelover: i wonder if KJ will be the future racer, since tilly is more into skateboarding and photography?

❤️ liked by tillyraikkonenln

> iluvf1: maybe! but is the grid really prepared for another iceman 🫣

jackass4ever: i love how whenever she’s in the jackass movies she’s still a total hardass but the second it comes to her babies she just crumbles 🥹

> kimicelover: it’s the same with kimi! he’s still ice cold to most people but the second he sees tilly, KJ or yn he just melts and there’s SO much video evidence of it 💔

ynraikkonenln: my little girl helping me and kimi celebrate our anniversary by cooking dinner for us ❤️

tillyraikkonenln: i burned literally everything… and i’m not a little girl anymore, i’m 16 :(

> kimiraikkonen ✔️: we’re still grateful and you’ll always be our little girl kulta 💙

❤️ liked by ynraikkonenln and tillyraikkonenln

> tillyraikkonenln: oh and did you have to include that picture of me washing up?

> kimiraikkonen ✔️: yes, she did, it’s pretty unbelievable for a teen so we need people to see photo evidence

loveuyn: yn ln… then and now 🥹

tillyraikkonenln: black and white filter on the first pictures made me think my own mother was dead for a second…

> loveuyn: sorry tilly 😭

iluvf1: goddamn, this woman has aged like fine wine…

ynlnsbackhand: just me who thinks she’s got hotter with age?

> oldf1lvr: definitely not just you…

> kimicelover: kimi too though… they’re both so hot as older people… i want them BOTH so bad 😭

jackass4ever: genuinely HOW is this the woman that let dico pee on her in her sleep and only hit him with a belt after?

> oldf1lvr: sorry WHAT?

> loveuyn: the iceland incident…

> ynlnsbackhand: at least ryan got back at him properly for her

> ynlnslighter: those belt whips she gave dico were fucking crazy what do you mean 😭

> ynlnsbackhand: HE PISSED ON HER

> ckylvr: everyone was pissing on each other in iceland, wtf was in the air over there?

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧ ˚ NEW ADDED BONUS ˚ ୨୧ ⋆｡˚ ⋆

her parents are in love… gross

tillyraikkonenln: sigh… my parents are still SO in love even after like… 60 years… nasty

kimiraikkonen ✔️: cheeky girl… thank you for taking these pictures kulta 💙

> tillyraikkonenln: wonder who i get that from… you’re welcome isä <3

❤️ liked by ynraikkonenln and kimiraikkonen

ynraikkonenln ✔️: 60 YEARS? you’re pushing your luck missy… love you

❤️ liked by kimiraikkonen and tillyraikkonenln

kimiynlover: if i don’t ever have a love like theirs i have failed at life 💔

sebastianvettel ✔️: KJ is getting big! sending my love ❤️ - sebastian

❤️ liked by ynraikkonenln, tillyraikkonenln and kimiraikkonen

[wyllaztopia]

You mentioned that if we know Denji’s characterization of Killer and Killer’s original backstory that we should understand why he’s so touch starved and has such a messed up definition of love. Is there any way you could tell me who Denji is?? I’m very curious now lol

Denji is a character from Chainsaw Man. I recommend you read the manga or watch the anime - though just the anime alone won't grasp the inspiration I derived from the character into Killer.

I also took inspiration from Gojo Satoru (Jujutsu Kaisen) but more so from his younger self more than the present Gojo.

(These are just drawn for the sake of meme-ing, not actually AG Killer's design)

Further down is explanation and slight spoilers. I don't talk much about it since I want most information to be a slow burn reveal for the characters, as if the audience is getting to know the AGDT cast in real time. (I am a sucker for narratives where it keeps you wanting to psycho-analyze a character rather than revealing everything upfront.)

Starting off with Denji, he's a teen boy who suffered through poverty and taken advantage of for labor just because he's willing to do anything just to get by in life. He's a boy who will do anything to live a normal teen life without having to worry about if he'll die from starvation. Along the story of CSM, he's been treated poorly due to how easily he can be manipulated - he literally has no idea of his own rights as a person. He's also very emotionally unaware because he's lived all alone his life except for a friendly devil named Pochita, who gave his heart to Denji so he can live and become chainsaw man to protect himself. Again, this is just a rough summary I made of Denji's character and I can't exactly explain it here! I recommend watching character analysis video that can further explain him or- you can also check at the original source (manga or anime) yourself which I believe will be worth it since CSM is such a good story.

In AGDT, I suppose you can consider Chara as Killer's Pochita, but in a more unhealthy / partners in crime way. I'll leave that up for the future to explore since at the moment, that's not what I want AGDT to focus on.

As for young Gojo, he's also complicated. He believes himself to be invincible and he can rub off as cocky most of the time. In the story, he holds no compassion or positive feelings for people who are weak - which is essentially everyone for him since he views himself as the strongest. This changed for a while when he was tasked to protect someone - he grew fond of them. However, later on this care disappeared when he perfected a technique - his feeling of pride for himself was stronger than his care for the person he was meant to protect. Gojo is usually nonchalant and playful, also emotionally unaware most of the time as he only thinks about himself (and a fellow 'strongest one' ahem, Geto but that's something I'll ramble for another day). However, he does go absolutely crazy when he's in intense fights since he's absolutely determined to win out of pride.

I would love to talk about what else Killer takes from Gojo but I'd feel like I'd be spoiling everything so I'll leave it for another time to talk about or explore.

There's other medias I took inspiration from for other parts of AG Killer but again, it's a subject to navigate around another time.

I hope this gave some insight on how this variant of Killer is and I hope you enjoyed reading through it!

[perfectly-unsad]

Mind and Body {Part 1}

Pairings - fem!reader x villain!Shinsou

Warnings - 18+ kidnapping, mind control / brainwashing, light bondage, Shinsou is crazy/creepy and a little cocky, dub con but no sex, choking

Word count - 2.6k

Important - for context, reader has a demon quirk which is seen quite negatively similar to Shinsous quirk, reader graduated UA last year (one year behind Shinsou) and works with Hawks, reader is very close with Aizawa

A/n - I’m still working on the Why Not Me/Aki part 2, hopefully it’ll be finished sometime next week, along with part 2 of this fic (which is going to be almost all smut, so I hope someone is excited for that!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I... I barely recognised you..." Your voice was quiet despite how your chest heaved for air in your panicked state, you had woken up in a dark room, from what felt like a hazy dream. Your hands were bound uncomfortably by some kind of cloth behind the back of the chair, your ankles and knees bound to the legs of the chair. Adrenaline pumped through your body when you realised something beyond your perception was stopping you from using your quirk, leaving you at the mercy of your familiar faced kidnapper sitting opposite you.

"What is it about me that has changed beyond recognition?" His voice was deep and lifeless, but there was clear intent behind his question. You looked at his face as he leaned forward in his chair, the dim bulb that barely lit up the area around it shining a gentle light on his features.

He had a number of scars littering his arms, as well as one starting at his nostril and going down his lips, ending at his chin. However, the most noticeable one was the deep scar that stretched over his right eye, his iris - once a deep and rich purple - was now a faded glassy blue. He didn't have these scars the last time you saw him nearly two years ago, but they didn't look especially fresh either which made you wonder what he had been doing since his disappearance to get them. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" He teased after your long silence, although his teasing didn't feel light hearted or friendly.

You opened your mouth to respond, but closed it when you remembered the requirements to activate his quirk. He had never used it on you maliciously before, only once during a joint training session when you were a first year and he was a second year and another time to help you get to sleep when you were suffering a bout of insomnia. Despite this, you hesitated to answer him. "Oh, you're worried about my quirk, right?" Another trap. You wouldn't fall for it. Your silence following his question illicited a mildly amused exhale from his nose. "You know, I've been working on my quirk a lot since we last saw each other. I've improved it, significantly." You wondered if that had anything to do with how he got his scars. "Beyond what you already know, my quirk has become something much more. I can change you, passively, no more need for questions and answers. I just needed you to look at me." Once he explained this you immediately dropped your gaze to the floor. "No use looking away now, my quirk is already taking effect." He added, leaning back into his chair and covering his face in the shadows beyond the lights touch.

"Why can't I use my quirk? Is that you too?" You finally asked, wriggling your hands in their bindings in an attempt to escape.

"No, that's not me. That's one of my colleagues, his quirk is similar to Mr Aizawas, except he doesn't need to be looking directly at you." He answered in his gruff voice.

"Why am I here?" You asked, still unsure of whether you could look up at him or not. He let out a deep sigh at your question.

"I want you to help me. I'd prefer you did so willingly, but my quirk will be influencing you regardless… You may find yourself feeling more docile towards me." He almost sounded disappointed at that last part.

"Help with what?" You questioned hesitantly, building the courage to glance at his shoes.

"I want to fix this world. Heroes these days are so corrupt, egotists filled with narcissism and greed. They help those who are worth helping, fuck everyone else. That's not a real hero, wouldn't you agree?" You could feel his gaze on you as the bindings on your limbs tightened when his frustration grew, only now did you realise he must be using the binding cloth he got from Aizawa.

"What are you talking about?" You protested, trying to buy time as you continued to attempt to break free from your restraints.

"How the heroes and everyone else treat those of us that were born with what they deem to be villainous quirks. Don't act like it didn't happen to you with your demon quirk, I saw it for myself, just like how it happened to me." His tone was bitter and resentful, you could feel the contempt seething through his words, which weren't lies. It had been hard for you, especially at first, to be seen as a hero with a demon quirk, something inherently evil. "Heroes aren't heroes anymore. Who do you think did this to me." He gestured to himself, implying that heroes had given him the scars on his face and body.

In that moment you felt a rush of sympathy and affection for him, your intense feelings startled you once you realised them. Was this his quirk taking over your mind? You couldn't be sure what feelings were real and what were forced, and he seemed to enjoy your internal conflict. You tried to refocus on what he was saying, having slight trouble recalling his words. Heroes had left him scarred? That didn't make any sense, the last thing you heard about him he had secured a position in a hero agency. Why would other heroes-

"They did it because apparently my presence was giving their agency a bad name. They must have thought they could use me at first, but when the public found out about the details of my quirk they quickly lost support. Low ratings means less money." He interrupted your thoughts as if he had read your mind, something that could be entirely possible for him given the advancement of his quirk. "Think about what I've told you..." He took in a deep breath, standing up from his chair. "Think about what I've said so far, I haven't lied about anything."

"But, why me?" You asked quietly, looking at the ground in front of his feet. When he suddenly kneeled in front of you, you recoiled back slightly, staring at him with frightened eyes. You noticed his jaw tighten and a darkness you had never seen in him before wash over his gaze for just a brief second.

"Because you know what it's like to be discriminated against because of your quirk." He explained, his eyes now staring at you with a fierce intensity. He moved a hand to touch your knee "And also, you're-" but hesitated and pulled his hand back, as if he didn't trust himself to touch you. "I'm not a violent man, you know. For the longest time I wanted to use my quirk to help people, but if all they'll see me as is a villain then..." His eyes had wandered to your legs as he spoke, when he brought them back up to your eyes and saw the frightened look on your face he pulled himself away and turned his back to you in an attempt to clear his thoughts.

"Toshi, its not too late to fix this. If you let me go, you can still be a hero." You pleaded with him desperately, his affectionate nickname from high school slipping out of your mouth, or perhaps it wasn't a mistake and his quirk was influencing your feelings and behaviour? Either way, it was a bleak reminder of how close you two had been during your school years before he disappeared shortly after graduating from UA and starting as a sidekick.

"I haven't been called that name for a long time." Was all he could reply, seemingly not having heard a single word that came out of your mouth after you called him by his old nickname. He turned back around to look into your big doe eyes as you waited for a better response, but he just stared at you for a moment. "I won't force myself on you," this comment took you by surprise, it was something that hadn't crossed your mind until he said it and it made the adrenaline in your body tighten all your muscles knowing it was something on his mind "but its very hard to control myself when you look at me like that."

You opened your mouth to say something but no words came out and you quickly averted your gaze back to the floor. "Are you scared of me?" His voice sounded hurt and discouraged, like a child asking its parent if they were disappointed.

"N-no, I was just surprised-" You stuttered, doing a terrible job of lying. Of course you were scared of him, he had kidnapped you using the brainwashing aspect of his quirk after tricking you using a voice changer while you were walking home. He had tied you up in some weird, creepy, dark basement-like room and his behaviour alone seemed erratic and terrifying. Of course you were scared, and he knew it.

"Don't." His voice was deep, now full of a low threatening anger. "Don't lie to me. This won't work if you lie to me. I have to be able to trust you."

"Toshi, please stop." You whimpered, hanging your head to look at your lap while tears filled your eyes. "Yes, I'm scared. I don't know where I am and you're... you're not who I remember." You couldn't hold back your tears as you spoke, your voice trembling while you sobbed.

"I won't hurt you." His voice soothed as he moved closer to you, lifting your head by placing a finger under your chin to make eye contact with him. "I won't do anything to you until you're begging me to." Despite the malice of his words, his voice was comforting and soft as he used his thumb to wipe away the tears on your cheek. As you gazed into his eyes you felt a tightness in your chest, as if your heart had just beat harder than it ever has before.

His features softened as he looked down at you and, willingly or not, it made your heart melt. It was like looking into the past and seeing the old Shinsou, the sweet guy from high school that helped you train and study, your friend that you could always rely on and talk to, the one who you trusted to sleep in your dorm with you when you found it difficult to sleep on your own without anything happening. Here that guy was again. Standing in front of you.

"Toshi..." Your voice was soft and pleading, his touch on your chin was so gentle and comforting. You closed your eyes tightly, pulling your head out of his grasp. For a moment there, when you were looking into his eyes, you had forgotten where you were, why you were there, what Hitoshi had done. Your mind forcibly made you remember the truth behind this situation, and disgust filled your body.

His quirk was taking hold and severely limiting your memory and situational awareness. All you wanted was him, it was all consuming. To be close to him. To hold him. To stay by-

No! Your jaw clenched painfully as you tried to fight your own mind. You couldn't let him take control of you if you wanted to escape. How long had you even been unconscious before waking up? Surely the heroes were looking for you by now, you just had to hold on until help arrives.

"There's no need to fight yourself so hard. Be a good girl for me, angel." An ironic nickname given to you in high school considering your quirk. He tried to cup your face in his palm to comfort you, but you shook off his touch frantically.

"Don't! Don't touch me!" You shouted, an unimpressed and impatient frown plastered across his face at your disobedience.

"Silly girl." His words vibrated out of his throat in a growl, he gripped the binding cloth that rested around his neck and pulled it in various places so that it tightened around your wrists and legs. More of the cloth sprang towards you to coil around your body; your waist, your chest and your neck. It tightened around the sides of your neck and your chest, squeezing you tightly and constricting your breath.

Adrenaline flooded through your body once more, but this wasn't so much fight or flight more like... excitement. Your cheeks flushed red as you opened your mouth, breathing in what air you could while saliva spilt from your lips. "You seem to be enjoying this, what a perverted expression." He smirked, tightening the cloth further to force a whine out of your throat before it loosened and you gasped for air. "You like that, huh? Feeling this cloth tighten all over you?" His tone was mocking and cruel, but laced with a suggestive pleasure.

"N-no, you're wrong." You stuttered, avoiding his taunting expressing and keeping your eyes fixed on your lap as you took in deep breaths.

"I don't think so, angel. Let's check." With nimble hand movements, he used two pieces of the cloth to wrap tightly around your thighs and spread your legs apart. You had picked a bad day to wear a skirt.

"Stop it, Toshi! You said you wouldn't!" You pleaded, shutting your eyes, too embarassed to watch him looking over you in this position.

"I said I wouldn't touch you, and I'm not." He waved his hands in the air to accentuate his point, the cloth staying in place even when he let go, not that you saw any of this with your eyes closed.

You felt a hard pulsing in your core as your mind submitted further to his quirk. Toshi was looking at you in such a compromising position, he wanted to see you like this, he wanted to touch you and you wanted him to touch you. You wanted him to be filled with desire for you. Your mind began to go hazy, vague memories of you touching yourself while thinking of him back in school filled your mind, whether they were real memories or memories planted by his quirk you couldn't be sure, but it just made you more and more needy for him.

His cloth rested above and below your tits, squeezing tightly to earn a whimpered cry from you while you arched your back in a surprised jolt - as much as you could against your restraints anyway.

Your eyes widened in surprise when you felt a piece of the cloth press firmly against the wet patch that had formed in your underwear. Slowly, it began to rub across the length of your slit over the thin material, when you glanced up at Toshi he was staring directly at the centre of your parted legs, mesmerised by the view.

"T-toshi, please-" The pleading whines of your voice were like music to his ears, and he cruely decided to tease you further.

"I'm sorry," He didn't sound sorry at all "I'll stop." Your body betrayed you, letting out a frustrated grunt when you felt the cloth pull away from your soaked underwear. "Hmm? If you want me to continue, you'll have to beg me." He gave you a cruel grin, but the only thing on your mind was how much you wanted him. You didn't care if you had to have him mean, or happy, or crying, or angry. You wanted him more than anything, there was nothing else your mind could focus on. There was no other option in front of you.

"Please, Toshi, please fuck me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I felt a little bad writing this, Shinsou would never!

[gayuu-the-necromancer]

William Rex Chapter 9

WARNING! This story contains mentions of human trafficking and mental health issues.

 ｡⋆｡˚🦋˚｡⋆｡

William: "My eyes were not deceiving me."

William: "You are noble, greedy,.....kind and strong."

The heat of the eyes that pour into me and I was so drawn into them.

I feel like I'm going crazy and that my heart is thumping against my chest.

(Ah....No)

(I can't look away)

The sound of my own heart is making noise behind my ears.

(But....why can't I look away?)

(Is it because I'm going crazy? If I am, why can't I look away?)

My heart was brought back to life by one word that William gave me.

Like buds waiting for spring, they begin to tear apart, leaving reason behind.

(Am I really....)

Do I want to bathe in this heat more?

William: "......Now."

William opens his mouth and comes back to himself.

William: "I'll leave the rest to Ethan and the others. Let's not stay too long at the crime scene."

Kate: "....Yes."

I seemed to have forgotten how to breathe and for a moment he was dizzy and shaky on my feet.

Kate: "Then....I'm looking forward to working with you."

Ethan: "Rest assured that we will make sure that she is given the proper treatment."

(I'm so glad they all didn't end up marooned in a place like this....)

The girl sleeping in my arms was handed over to William's men and we got onto the carriage.

As I sat down, I felt both relieved and exhausted all at once.

William: "You must be tired, get some rest."

William: "If you need a place to lean on, you can use my shoulder or lap. Whichever you like."

(Whichever I like....)

My eyes follow William's body before the option of refusing comes to mind.

The feeling of being hugged on the way home after the mission at the bank comes back to me vividly.

----FLASHBACK----

William: "Come here."

Everything he gave me went deep into my body and gently caressed and soothed me.

(I want to feel that medicinal and poisonous....warmth again)

(Lean on him, now)

-----FLASHBACK ENDS-----

William: ".....Kate."

William: "No one will blame you for being true to your desires."

(True to my desires.....)

(I remember the same words being said to me once before....and I countered with....)

I would rather not have desires than suffer if they don't come true.

In the first place, I thought that I, who had silently watched someone else's hopes being crushed, was not qualified to fulfill my selfish desires.

(But only to William, if at all)

(In front of this person.....who sees through my pettiness and my shabbiness, but forgives me.....)

(I'd like to be honest)

(Just like I was able to voice my desires to help that little girl just a few minutes ago....be true to my heart)

Kate: "William, I'd like you to.....lend me your shoulder."

William: "I'd be honored. Of course, with pleasure."

Gently pulling me closer, I rest my head on his shoulder.

I can smell that rose scent from the quality jacket touching my cheek.

(....Smells good)

Breathing deeply, the rationality of my surroundings melt away and crumbles along with my core.

William: "Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams."

William gently brushed my messy hair back over my ears.

(This hand has not changed since the day we met)

(A hand that brutally kills people. A hand that plays piano gracefully, without feeling sorry)

(Nevertheless....)

Not only is it not horrible, but I'm not even sure I want that temperature.

Is it because I have gone crazy?

 ｡⋆｡˚🦋˚｡⋆｡

"Who killed you?"

"Me."

Then a voice follows.

"Is that wrong?"

"If you were killing your heart so that you wouldn't get hurt and could be happy."

"The hearts that have been unleashed freely may be badly hurt and unhappy down the road."

"Is that really a good thing?"

Kate: "Good morning, William!"

William: "......."

William: "Good morning. What's the matter? You're up awfully early today."

Kate: "Usually, I would always have to knock on your door or look around to search for you, but today I thought, I would wake up early and catch you before you disappear."

(I want to like myself today more than I did yesterday)

I might be crazy now, but I would not want to go back to being the person who stopped at the door.

Kate: "Actually, I was wondering if you were still sleeping in your room, so I...."

Kate: "I just wanted to see you get up in the morning and leave your room."

William: "Fufu...sorry, I always let you wander around in this unfamiliar castle, huh?"

Kate: "No, I'm glad you did. I got to know this castle better while I was looking around for you."

William: "Hmmm? So, did you find a place you like?"

Kate: "Yes....the nice window overlooking the garden, the kitchen is always beautiful...."

Kate: "Also the hallway where, for a few moments in the morning, the light shines through the large windows and it's like a flower blooming on the floor."

Kate: "Oh and...of course the hall where you play the piano too."

(Hm....?)

William: "I'm glad you're liking your temporary lodging."

(Maybe William is....I wonder if he was purposely accepting my time walking this castle alone)

Seeing for yourself so that you can know and accept this place.

My heart is buoyed by the kindness that may have been poured out without my noticing.

(If I ask him, he will surely answer back with a question, asking 'What do you think?" so....I'll just take that as a yes)

Kate: "So, what are your plans for today?"

William: "I decided when I woke up this morning that I would go along with whatever you wanted to do today."

Kate: "Me?"

William: "Whatever you want? We will do anything you like."

(....In that case)

Kate: "I want to go visit the people who were forced to work in that workhouse."

The people I saw yesterday were in shambles physically, but more than that, their self-esteem had been crushed and their hearts were dead.

Even if they receive treatment in the hospital and their bodies recover, they cannot get back on their feet if their minds remain dead.

(But I feel like if there is someone who cares about them and listens to them....)

(It might inspire their minds)

Just like William did for me.

Kate: "I just want to say 'I hope you guys are doing well."

Kate: "Or I can at least send a bouquet of flowers and a card anonymously, even if I can't reveal my true identity. Can I.....?"

William: "Fufu...of course you can."

William: "I knew you would say that, so I already arranged for a carriage."

Kate: "That's great.....huh?"

William: "Hm?"

Kate: "H-How did you know?"

William: "I guess it's because I realized yesterday that you're the kind of person who wants to protect someone so badly that guilt crushed your heart."

(.......Nn)

He smiled at me lovingly, and I suddenly felt shy and looked away.

Kate: "....You see through everything. Is there something William doesn't know?"

William: "Of course."

Kate: "Like?"

William: "Like....."Why do you like to ask so many questions?"

Kate: "......Do you dislike it?"

William: "Haven't I already answered that question before?"

William bends down and slowly whispered into my ear.

William: "I don't dislike it. In fact, quite the opposite."

 ｡⋆｡˚🦋˚｡⋆｡

William: "I don't dislike it. In fact, quite the opposite."

Kate: "....Mm."

My heart jumped and I stopped breathing for a moment.

------Options-----

What do you mean by 'quite the opposite'?

Say no more.

I'm glad.

--------

Kate: "I see. I'm glad."

(What, what am I saying?)

William: "Ahahaha!"

(I don't know what's wrong with me, I can't pass if off like I did before...)

(It's the kind of thing William would probably say to anyone...But I'm still happy)

William looked at me with amusement as I desperately tried to keep my composure.

I am frustrated that this attitude seems to affirm my expectations.

(If he keeps saying things like 'I like you' or 'I'm glad you're happy' to.....anyone)

(Then just like me.....)

Then my heart will keep on rolling towards him before I can have a reason to catch it.

William: "Let's go then."

...............

Kate: "The Royal Hospital....in such a magnificent place?"

Holding a bouquet of sympathy flowers, I visited a large hospital with several towering wards.

William: "Yeah, I was hoping for some kind of temporary luxury for the people I ran into on my Crown assignment who couldn't get back to their daily routine right away."

William: "The most convenient place to set up such a special ward was in the Royal Hospital, where Her Majesty's authority extends."

(I see....)

Kate: "Did William, by any chance, create it? That special ward?"

William: "Mmhm. I did it for me."

As we walked the long path to the entrance, William carefully explains.

William: "It takes time for those who have been oppressed, deprived of their will, lost or forgotten their self-esteem, to regain their identity."

William: "There's not enough room in the city of London to wait for that."

Kate: "Why is it necessary for you to help....victims get themselves back on track?"

William: "Because I like to see people act as their own masters."

Kate: "Act as their own masters....?"

William: "It's about facing your desires, being prepared to accept the consequences, and following through."

William: "Just as you said 'I want to help' and stood with the little girl in your arms."

Just as the sun shines through the clouds, the shadow of the hospital falls at our feet.

At the border between sun and shade, William stopped once.

William: "There's a lot of fear involved in wanting to do what you want and having to pick and choose among so many options."

William: "Whether happiness awaits you or misfortune awaits you...."

William: "You can't blame anyone for the consequences of the choices you make and want to make."

Slowly, William's black leather shoes step across the boundary into the shadows.

William: "......That's why the moment you're about to step out is so beautiful."

William: " I want to see the moment when the desire after the conflict is vividly revealed."

William: "There is no reason. It's just my instinctive craving."

William's eyes, as if remembering something, are feverish as if mesmerized.

It was much like the heat I felt in William's eyes at that workhouse.

William: "In other words, I give sick people proper treatment, food, clothing, shelter, and time to think."

William: "I appreciate the way they choose how they will live their lives in the future."

Kate: "....I don't know how the patients feel about it."

Kate: "The return you seek is also what they want."

It is the freedom to choose, of one's own volition, not to be trampled on by anyone.

Kate: "You talk as if you are forcing me to do an equivalent exchange, but it seems to me that you are just giving."

William: "....If that's how you see it, then maybe you're right."

 ｡⋆｡˚🦋˚｡⋆｡

William identified himself at the reception desk and the director greeted us.

The patients brought in last night all seemed to have very severe symptoms.

It was going to take some time before we are allowed to visit them.

Kate: "Um...I'd like to put this bouquet in the patient's room."

Director: "Oh my.....thank you very much. We'll make sure they receive it."

Kate: "......Thank you."

Director: "But....I am surprised that the Count would talk about that ward in public."

Upon receiving the bouquet the Director looked at me with interest from behind his glasses.

William: "She's special. There is no problem with her being known. If necessary, I can show you a letter from Her Majesty."

Director: "No no. I am sure that Her Majesty the Queen will not deny what you are doing."

(Does the Director know about the Crown....or is he an endorsing collaborator who agrees with William's ideals?)

In any case, I can see that he seems to be building a trusting relationship with William.

William entrusted him with the people he helped. That alone seemed to me to be enough to make it unnecessary for me to be vigilant.

Director: "More importantly.....Count, a patient who is about to be discharged from the hospital has asked to speak with the person who helped her for the last time."

William: "Oh, her. I don't mind, but our conversation will be through the door as usual, right?"

(Through the door.....?)

........

As we walked through the corridors of the special ward, I heard that the girl was the victim of a human trafficking case that William had solved.

When he rescued her, she was locked in a cage, though she never saw William's face.

She wants to talk to him because she has heard him decry the killer.

Kate: "Why do you only talk to them through the door?"

William: "The more you get involved, the greater the need to keep your mouth shut."

William: "I don't bother to let people know who I am if they haven't seen my face."

Kate: ".......But, don't you want to see them step out?"

(I guess you can't see them directly through the door....)

William: "I'm happy as long as I get to watch them fly away from the ward."

William: "You can see its beauty in profile from a distance or....also through a door."

A knock on the hospital room door and the director enters.

Director's voice: "Your King has arrived."

The director's calm voice is followed by light footsteps approaching the door.

Kate: "King?"

William: "That's the nickname she gave me because I was giving orders to her captor. 'The King."

Kate: "Fufu....."

Girl's voice: "Um....are you there?"

William: "Yes. Hello. I heard you're going to be discharged soon. I'm happy for you."

William answered firmly to the modest but earnest voice that flew in from the other side of the door.

Girl's voice: "T-Thank you for coming.....I'm feeling better now. I also had a nice dream."

William: "I'm glad. What did you dream?"

Girl's voice: "I saw a dream where I was growing flowers.....so I decided when I leave here.....I want to grow flowers."

Girl's voice: "I never want to back to that aunt and uncle."

Her words, full of determination echoed heavily in my heart.

(Ah.....it's true. Even through the door, I can tell)

(That this child can stand and walk.....by herself as her own master when she leaves the nest from this hospital)

William: "...That's a nice wish."

Just accepting that commitment, as William always does with me.

He laughed softly like rain in spring.

Girl's voice: "Also! .....If I recognize your voice on the street, may I give you a flower?...........just one.........if you don't mind?"

William: ".....These words alone are more than enough for me."

Girl's voice: "..................I see. Okay......Umm....."

William: "Hm?"

Girl's voice: ".......................thank you."

The girl's voice was a little wet with tears.

William: "Yeah. Take care of yourself. I wish you all the happiness in the world ahead."

 ｡⋆｡˚🦋˚｡⋆｡

Kate: "......."

William: "You don't look happy."

Kate: "....You. You saved a lot of people. Not just last night, but all this time."

Kate: "But no one who is saved knows you."

Not even a single flower reaches him.

(Someday, I'll have to say goodbye to William like that too.....)

(William even listened to the voices in my heart that I was killing.....and set me free)

Without William, I could not have even brought the flowers here like this.

I'm sure he did the same with the girl, the other patients, and the people he met at the 'tea party'.

(Also....)

(Why wouldn't William accept the desire to give something back?)

He just gives and gives and gives and that makes me frustrated.

William: "I'm not some kind-hearted philanthropist."

William: "Not even a righteous man like your favorite, Brian."

Kate: "....I know that."

William: "All I want is for my loved ones to be able to live the life they want."

William: "For what I want to protect, I kill those who harm it."

William: "What we are doing is no different than a butterfly. It's a 'selection of life."

William's blood-colored eyes stare at me.

It was like a beautifully crystallized jewel, frozen in cold resolve.

William: "But even if it were a sin, I wouldn't be my master if I didn't."

William: "The power that can only be described as 'evil', is born with the ability to twist people's wills.......and take away their freedom."

William: "I decided to use it to carry out my self-righteousness."

William: "That ward is my self-righteous box garden. You can laugh at me as if I were an arrogant god."

Kate: ".....I won't laugh."

Kate: "I suppose that when the day comes for us to part, I too will wish......to give you flowers."

William: "Fufu, oh yeah?"

A gruesome death to those who trample freedom and will.

For the oppressed and voiceless, they are loved like a benevolent rain.

Dangerous and frightening, kind and forgiving. His conflicting components lived together without contradiction.

(The power to subvert the will of man and take away his freedom....is a power that can only be described as 'evil')

One can't help but feel the cruelty of luck that William, a man who respects free will and choice, was born with such power.

Kate: "What was it.....that made you decide to use that power?"

William: "Looks like Kate has more questions that usual, today."

Kate: "Because you have a lot of mysteries."

William: "I want you to say, 'unraveling fun."

I make firm eye contact with him to keep him from going up in smoke.

Kate: "......You exposed your heart, and keep no secrets to yourself."

William: "Hahaha! You're being very bullish."

William: "You're not the same person you were yesterday."

Kate: "I am a noble, greedy, gentle, and strong person like you said."

William: "Fufu..Hahaha....that's right."

I'm miffed when William chuckles in a funny way.

(......Even though you said so)

William: "You've got a cute sulky face, you know that?"

When he caught a carriage, William smirked.

William: "Come, I'll tell you an old boring tale. I'll make it short."

Chapter 10

[hero-israel]

Hi. I’m sorry if this question has been answered before. I looked through your blog, and I found a few questions similar to mine, but not exactly what I wanted to know.

So, I’m an 18 year old from the New England region of the US. I’m not Jewish, ethnically or religiously. I have been following the events as they’ve been reported on since October 7th and have been disturbed and saddened by much of what I have seen.

I see that people have died on both sides, Israelis who were deliberately targeted, and people from Gaza who are trapped in a war zone. There is suffering all around. It is honestly shocking to me the fact that many people are not acknowledging this fact.

The Israeli government is, well, a government. Whether you agree with it’s policies or not. Hamas is not. Hamas is a terrorist group that is willing to steam roll over the people of Gaza in order to kill the people of Israel. The Palestinians get nothing out of Hamas’s actions, killing civilians didn’t advance the cause for Palestinian statehood, it’s probably set it back years, and now thousands of people have, and are going to, die.

It makes me genuinely angry that ‘terrorism is wrong’ is not something that everyone can agree on. No action that Israel did justifies Oct. 7th. Just like no amount of the US messing around in the Middle East justified 9/11.

I don’t know if I’m incredibly naive or what, but the amount of Anti-Semitic shit I’ve seen recently is astonishing to me. I knew that it was still a big problem, but I had hoped that there would have been a LOT more pushback to it.

I’m someone that doesn’t like to rock the boat. While I’ll passionately explain my views when asked or the topic is brought up, I don’t like to flaunt them about, because I know some people are fricking nuts, and I am but a petite teenage girl with social anxiety, who does not want to be attacked by crazy people over having a bumper sticker on my car.

I bring this up because it is a testament to how bad I think things are getting that I’m asking you what I should do to help? I’ve probably spent well over an hour trying to word this ask, but I genuinely think I need to do this or else I’m going to regret it. Does showing the Israeli flag actually do anything? Does posting on Tumblr actually do anything? If they do, I can do them. Hell, if it would help I could go to a protest. I’ve never been before, because I’ve always been nervous about confrontations, but I can do it.

I hope this doesn’t come off as me making this about myself. I’m asking this anonymously because I specifically DON’T want this to be about me. I just wanted to add the context so that I could convey A.) That reading your’s and others’ posts about this are encouraging me to want to do something, and B.) That I’m going to be going far out of my comfort zone for this, so if you have suggestions for what is actually helpful, so that I can focus my energy on that, I’d be very grateful.

Stay safe, and have a wonderful night.

Thank you for writing, and for being willing to go out of your comfort zone for the sake of standing up for Jewish peoples' rights and safety, along with standing up for the basic truth.

The important thing is that you don't have to go TOO FAR out of your comfort zone. It doesn't help anyone for you to be at physical risk. I would recommend against bumper stickers or for specifically conflict-based protests (especially against counter-protests).

What would be truly helpful and meaningful to the Jewish community around you would be for you to go to pro-Jewish / pro-Israel events. Surely a local synagogue or campus Hillel will know of some rallies or speeches, where just having you in the room would help show solidarity. If antisemites try to crash it, you are not obligated to engage them. Posting to your social networks would be great too - just something as simple as "Nothing justifies sending a door-to-door death squad to rape and murder children." Let people see that there is an option for non-Jews to truly be allies for us.

Again, thank you. I do hope you will show up. It would mean a lot to those who see you there.

[infinite-hearts-333]

Tay Friend head canons and stuff i guess.

The beloved autism is currently mad at me and i am suffering due to stress and low social battery. What do i do to fix this? Feed you lot i guess lol.

Pspspssp @onyxonline I’m back at it again lol

Starting off strong with

Maya :D (now confirmed roommate and best friend heheh) @fishy0bishy

Maya defiantly is gonna be the one that gets the most spontaneous gifts, due to their shared passion for nature, and Tay’s tendencies to hand out any plant matter as humanly possible. She’s also gonna be the one, (along side Andri probably,) to slowly chip through the masking Tay does so that at least in their little group they can be a little bit more wild.

They would have defiantly met in the green house, cause ofc a magic school has one of those duh. Tay goes there when thing’s are a little bit too much cause the greenery reminds them of the bush of home, and well i think we all know why Maya is there lol.

Maya is the BEST. stim toy ever. Period. Tay would spend hours just tracing their finger along Maya’s wood limbs with their finger if they could SSSKSK.

Andri (support and enabler) @north-heats-stronghold

Absolutely calls Tay Dudelet. Like a mix of dude and dudette?? Get it?? (M sorry XD)

Lil silly man makes Tay very giddy and wild. They go crazy. I love the idea that Tay would eat Australian foods and everyone one is like. The fuck. Will force feed Andri fairy bread, and he will enjoy it /jk

Emotionally conscious enough to provide Tay a safe place to go crazy and not having to worried about masking. Which is excellent. Also provides correct complements for things that others simply wont catch, completing tasks they don’t like, doing something with confidence, speaking their opinion in large crowds ect. Very good for them yes yes.

LET THEM TRAIN TOGETHER!!!!! Really wanna make something where Andri get Tay to agree on training together and Tay all confident and chatty as a witch and everyone’s like :00000

My god, if magic does influence them outside of their ‘magic girl form’ and Andri can change his body heat at will Tay is gonna be ALLL over it. Massive heat stealer. Andri will never escape their cold hands XDDD

Drapes all over him. Or leans. They’re not tired! Just listening to you :>

Miguel (comfort- he did not sign up for this XDDD) @novalizinpeace

Was it because he’s (slightly) intimating so he’ll scare off people? Is it because of the big fluffy jumper? Did Tay sense weakness? Who knows, but now Miguel is now stuck with them lol.

Reread up on their bios (again) but honestly, he kinda asked for this position lol. With his powers, he’s literally the ONLY person in the entire school that will have even the slightest clue on how Tay is feeling with masking and repression (yippee!!!) at stages, even they don’t know, so it is excellent to have someone that will understand and not brush them off for being ‘to immature’ or ‘to emotional’. Probably looks like a sad kicked puppy to him HAHA.

They can do parallel play!!! More so when Miguel first gets there with his worries about ‘how good his English is’, cause Tay is fine to just sit and do their own thing, together :> No talking required!

Defiantly would hold onto Miguel’s sleeves if they’re walking together lol.

Miguel is not ready for when someone insults him and Tay goes apeshit on them haha. No one is mean to their friend >:)))

Rosa (bad influence lol) also belongs to Nova :> ^^

Met through Maya, and was utterly terrified of her haha. (Tay’s also bigger than Rosa, which makes it more hysterical.)

Resorted to bringing Rosa different seeds in hopes she wouldn’t bite them. And once they were more use to each other started bringing her native Australian plants, (which are apparently weird as shit to the rest of the world??? Y’all basic).

Rosa probably tolerates them more than other people cause their quiet lol.

Plant scientists! “This is a banksia. When the big fires come, they use the heat to melt the wax around the seed pods and shoot their seeds out once the fire is gone.”

“THEY EXPLODE?”

“… technically?”

[thewingedbaron]

Tag game! Open tag from @arendaes!

Tag game: Give your KC's first impression and final opinion of each of their companions.

Since Vysk's playthrough is still going, I'll throw this back to Allix, my first KC. TLDR: He's a Freebooter Ranger turned Angel that struggles with the Lawfulness of Heaven while doing his best to keep everyone alive through the crusade. He drinks a lot of coffee.

First Impressions-

Seelah: There are worse people to be trapped in a hole with in a city under siege by demons. A paladin is one of the best options running. I just hope she isn't too by the books...

Camellia: A noble. Just my luck. We'll be lucky to crawl out of this hole with our sanity intact. She has all the fixings of a higher-than-though noble... and yet. There's something off about this one. Some glimmer in her eye I just can't place a finger on. I need to be careful with this one.

Lann: I've never heard of a mongrel before. He seems cheery enough for someone who's lived their whole life underground. Certainly much more open that his companion here. Free spirited, headstrong. I can respect that.

Wenduag: You, I don't trust. I know what it's like to carve out a living in the wilds, amongst a tribe. Those that refuse to walk with kin do not last long, unless there is something else going on in the background. You and Camellia might get along, I feel. You have the same steely glint to your eye, no matter what honey rolls off your tongue.

Woljif: A thief turned crusader. That ought to be something. Woljif might play it cool, but there's a jumpiness to that one. I couldn't leave him in that cell. He seems a little too eager to jump out into the burning streets. He'll bear watching, but I don't think he's as cowardly as he wants to appear.

Ember: No one will touch this child again so long as she remains in my care. To maintain such innocence in her philosophies after being so wronged by the forces that claim to act in the greater good. She is either crazy, or hopelessly optimistic. Either way, she will be protected.

Daeran: Just what I need. Another pompous noble who cares for nothing but his own entertainment. He knows the city better than any of us, and his influence might prove useful. I'll placate him for now, let him get his fill of blood. Gods, hopefully he grows bored and just stays at the inn.

Nenio: A scientist with a death wish that cannot even remember home. Am I the one going mad? Perhaps it is perfectly reasonable to be strolling the streets in the middle of a warzone, asking cultists what they really know about their gods. She has gall. I respect the hells out of that.

Finnean: Poor soul.

Ulbrig: A hundred year old griffon just came crashing through the roof, demanding to know what I did to his lands? I don't have time for this. Well, I might have time for this. This just keeps getting stranger. Maybe he'll calm down once we get him some ale.

Sosiel: A cleric of beauty in the middle of a warzone? What confused loyalties have led you here my friend? He seems nice enough, though I fear he may lack the spine for what is to come. If he can find beauty on a battlefield? Gods, I would envy him. He is even less prepared for this than I.

Regill: Clipped, professional, a man of few words beyond those required for what passes as hellknight tactics. I abhor his organization. I hate with all my heart his treatment of prisoners, wounded, and allies. Yet, his chapter knows how to run an army, run a supply train. I need his experience, as much as I loathe to admit it. We'll be allies, though I may suffer some sleepless nights.

Arueshalae: A demon that wears an icon of Desna? Can demons truly turn on the abyss? I don't see a reason they couldn't I suppose. My own kin are called demons the whole world round for our horns and tails. Who am I to judge if her intentions are true? I'll need to keep an eye on our new ally, but something tells me she's telling the truth. Desna may not be my chosen patron, but she shares a realm with Erastil. May old deadeye guide me true.

Greybor: Any fellow willing to charge a baylor with naught but a dagger is one worth meeting. An assassin by trade? Not exactly my old job description, but I'm sure there's plenty of overlap between that and a bounty hunter. As soon as this is all wrapped up, I need to buy that man a drink.

Trever: Oh Sosiel. A man who wanders from the path is not all lost. I cannot speak to the horrors Trever has suffered in the Abyss, nor can I judge him for the things he has done to survive. I will get him home. That much I can do. As soon as we get out of this thrice damned place.

Queen Galfrey: I am officially over my head. I'm here on a bloody bounty contract, killing demons for gold and hunting the occasional deserter turned bandit. Now, I'm drinking with a Queen and being handed control of a crusading army? It's not too late to slip out the back door, I suppose. But these powers... Gods damn it, this is not the kind of mess I need to be mixed up in.

The Hand of the Inheritor: Oh joy, the right hand of Iomedae, herself. Of all the realms to be looking over my shoulder, I got the lawyers of the afterlife. Angel's have long been allies of the crusade, but I cannot say that I was expecting to have the right hand of the goddess herself looking over my shoulder.

Final Thoughts:

Seelah: One of the finest people I shall ever have the pleasure to know. First among drinking buddies. First into the fray and the last to leave the field. I have had the privilege to meet very few people who truly care as much as Seelah. This war has bent her, but I believe she shall never be broken. I shall treasure her friendship for the rest of my days.

Camellia: I have no regrets in her fate. Thousands of soldiers have perished under my command over this past year. Thousands of families have been devastated, left without sons, daughters, mothers and fathers. That some would be murdered like livestock in my own camp? There was never a way that Camellia could have left that basement alive. Horgus Germ will face tribunal, and perhaps I may sleep soundly again. I very much doubt it.

Lann: Faithful friend. Never have I seen one so wracked with guilt, and yet, you have survived it. I am proud to call you my brother. I cannot explain to you how angry I felt when I thought you would be the instrument of your own demise. I would never have you question my faith in you. I am glad that you found the strength to question your faith in yourself. Please do not name that boat after me.

Wenduag: I cannot help but feel that I could have done more for you. So focused were you on strength, on finding or creating the stronger master. I hope that you found peace in the end, for you have left me with none. For Lann's sake, I hope you found peace.

Woljif: I cannot overstate how proud I am of you. You overcame your demons, quite literally, and chose the higher path. You could have sunk deep into your magic, claimed the power that was before you, but instead you struggled on. I hope you're enjoying your retirement, my friend. I believe we're going plane hopping next month...

Ember: I have never seen someone surprise a god so thoroughly as you. Even Arueshalae is baffled that you managed to flip the Redeemer Queen. They will regale you as a saint, I'm sure. But your friends know the truth. You're just another person, trying to create as much good in the world as you can. I always look forward to your visits.

Daeran: I never did apologize for misjudging you so badly. While I think you and I would never quite see eye to eye, I am proud of how far you've come. I hope you're enjoying shaking up Queen Galfrey's court. She'll need some excitement in peace time. Don't forget that we're vacationing with Woljif soon. I can't wait to hear all the details you've left out of your letters.

Nenio: You continue to baffle me. I'm not sure that I will ever truly understand the depths of your mind. Though I can confidently say that being told to "take my pants off" for friendship in the abyss is a memory that I will never forget. Thank you for making me your assistant. Even if it took you years to finally learn my name.

Finnean: Rest well, my friend. You've earned it.

Ulbrig: I don't think I'm going to ever get used to the idea of you as a god. Come visit some time, yeah? I'll never outdrink you, but it is always a joy to try.

Sosiel: My dearest friend. I do not know how, but we survived. I hope that you are getting the rest you deserve. Your estate is lovely, and your cherry wine is still Arue's favorite. I know that you have your quiet days. The world was never as hoped it would be. But with Trever, and your love at your side, I hope you still find beauty wherever you look. We'll come visit again soon.

Regill: I never expected to have the respect that I harbor for you. We were never quite friends, but I think we now understand each other. I cannot help but admire your discipline, even as it kills you. I hope for nothing more than joy for you. However you choose to find it.

Arueshalae: My darling, what else is there to be said? I am so proud of you for the impossible heights that you have scaled. Our cabin on the water is beautiful. I cannot wait to explore many more dreams with you.

Greybor: I will never understand you. A man truly married to the job. I wish you well, friend. May you stand the test of time and ambition. It takes a lot of gall to run an assassin's guild in the abyss.

Trever: I hope you find your peace, friend. I suspect it will not be found in gods, nor liquor. You have a long and dark road still to walk, but I can think of no finer a man to walk beside you than your brother.

Queen Galfrey: I harbor you no ill will for your trespasses against me. I cannot imagine the weight on your shoulders after a hundred years of war. Your realm is changing rabidly now, new councils, new liberties. The real test of your rule has begun. I am curious to see how you intend to handle it.

The Hand of the Inheritor: Last we spoke you asked me to kill you. I cannot say if I made the right choice in refusal. I hope you found your healing, my friend. I will search for you soon, my friends at my back. If heaven deigned not to open its gates to its finest servant, hurt and broken after fighting its war for it, I will tear down those golden gates myself. Wherever you are, I hope the sun shines brightly. We shall meet again soon enough.

BONUS:

Irabeth:

First- Finally, someone competant to take all this over. Hey, hey, what do you mean I'm in charge???

Final- Anevia is the luckiest woman in the world to have someone as steady as you around. I would not have survived without you. Please bring those cinnamon cookies over again next time, I think Arue would kill me if I forgot to ask.

Anevia:

First- A kindred spirit. We're going to get along famously. Assuming we survive this of course.

Final- The greatest spymaster I could have asked for, and an even greater friend. I will not forget the blackberry mead next time. That was my bad.

[luxurybrownbarbie]

Hi! i have a therapy session coming along soon and i am going to confront my therapist regarding some things she has said...one of them being mentioning's of infidelity, she made comments which i feel like minimised cheating by saying 'sometimes good people do bad things..' and 'most people cheat bc they are insecure' etc

what are your thoughts on this and how would you go about confronting someone (i am not the best at it)

thank you x

This is way late, but I hope you managed to speak your piece and have managed to find a therapist who fits you better! 💛

Answering the last part of your message first: I cannot relate to disliking confrontation, but I generally think it’s best to remember that confrontation comes from care! Someone you care about being willing to bring something to you that made them sad/hurt/uncomfortable means they 1) care enough about you to bring it forward, 2) trust enough in your reaction that they will put themselves into a vulnerable space, and 3) actually value you what you say, including your thoughts and opinions. Confrontation gives clarity and helps build trust. And you can confront something without being cruel or combative. Confrontation can be as simple as saying, “Okay girl, what’s going on? Last Friday you were not acting like yourself.”

Now, onto the first part of your message. Infidelity is a sore spot for a lot of people, and I have very nebulous thoughts on it as a whole. I generally forgive women who cheat, I don’t think I’ve ever forgiven a man who has cheated. But in all honesty for me (just me!), there are far worse things that can happen in a relationship.

Especially because 95% of the time, infidelity is very cut and dry. When it happens, you know exactly what your partner thinks of you and you know exactly how much they value you and the relationship. It’s very rare in relationships to have that level of clarity on how the other person views you.

I don’t particularly care about it. If it ever happens, I’m going to pack their stuff and leave it on the front porch. Prenups have infidelity clauses for this exact reason. I’d be more offended if my partner cheated and then asked me to work through it, like, am I a doormat to you? Please be serious. And the girlies who take their cheating partners back and then spend the rest of their days giving themselves high blood pressure due to their elevated cortisol levels stress me out. Just *leave*! Risking a stroke for what reason?

This might be controversial to say, but I don’t think cheating is as strong of a dealbreaker to people as they think it is. If it were, we wouldn’t have so many advice columns, posts, subreddits, and therapists who all spend their time helping couples “move past” infidelity. People would just go. And truly, by staying, people are punishing themselves more than they’re punishing the person who cheated. That man got to have a no strings fling, come back and grovel for a bit, and still keep his family. That’s crazy.

I love her, but every five business days Gabrielle Union tells us how she’s never forgiven her husband or the outside child he had, but she’s still there. Who do you think is actually suffering more in this scenario?

Meanwhile Mackenzie Scott read the most embarrassing series of adulterous sexts in history and immediately retained her lawyer and got a tidy 64 billion dollars. Imagine if Jeff got to say “Sorry, I guess?” and stay with her. Imagine that.

[practicecourts]

20 questions

thanks @charmsandtealeaves & @wearingaberetinparis for the tag. I'm not sure how interesting the answers will be so I'm cutting the post here ;-)

How many works do you have on AO3? 20

2. What's your total A03 words count? 215,620

3. What fandoms do you write for? HP

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

a) Not the Doctor Crazy texting Muggle AU, oneshot, meet-awkward ridiculousness ;-) b) Head Over Handlebars For You Muggle meet ugly, Amsterdam, bicycles, Geese, the WIP that got out of control, only 1 more real chapter and 1 epilogue to go... c) It Was A Clear Black Night, A Clear White Moon - Hogwarts, oneshot roaming outside the castles on a Full Moon. I do love this story a lot myself, so I'm happy to see it here! I like to combine something serious and with something lighter. d) Shall We Shag Now Or Later? Rated M, Not inspired by Austin Powers BUT I did have a great time looking up those ridiculous scenes and dialogues. Classic crazy movie! Order Mission gone wrong, Jily forced to go under cover (wriggles eyebrows) e) When it Tastes so Damn Good another @jilychallenge oneshot, prompt along the lines of melting icecream - let's share... 5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YES!!! I LOVE comments, incredible to have evidence someone read something I thought up and wrote and then left a comment telling me what it made them feel or just to say they liked it. IT IS AMAZING !! all caps worthy amazing. I do turn of notifications now for those because I became too addicted, so now I try to check once every so often. I do intend to answer all of them.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angtiest ending? My saddest ending is probably Silent Night (it's not Jily but a series of moments in the life of Hope Lupin) There's quite some bits that I've written for it, but I'm not sure if they are coherent as chapters, so there's only 2 currently posted. Angst versus sad, I'd have to say my microfic Jockey has the angstiest ending, but mostly because I know what is going on) and I promise the end of the whole fic (if I ever get to writing it, won't be angsty)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I love happy endings... I'm hoping to succeed with bringing HOH to a satisfactory happy end. I think I will. Most of my one-shots also have a happy or hopeful ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? No

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind? Ha, I thought I'd never... but for a writing challenge I wanted to join due to severe FOMO (i'm only human) I did, and I rewrote that into Shall we Shag Now or Later (Idk if anyone wants to know but I literally took almost all the time available thinking of REASONS why my jily would end up in smut pall position and in the end joked I'd just start of with *low voice* "Hey, Evans, we should shag," and take it from there... This turned into M-rated smut (I'm a little foggy on the difference between E and M still) also not sure what constitutes *kinds* of smut, but that 2 shot was more Smut with little plot. By now my wip Jily who really suffered from a lot of sexual unreleased tension finally got some release, so there's some Smut with plot as well, these days (HOHFY)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Nope, I don't think I will (unless a certain type of AU would count as a cross over)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, not that I'm aware of, I'd be appalled and also absolutely flabbergasted if someone would go to the trouble, tbh.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope again, I might translate my own fic in Dutch (although that would be so incredibly weird that I don't actually mean this)

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? No, but it sounds fun. I am soon adding my 3 line to the express.... there's that ;-)

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Jily, lames, Limes. 15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Life's a beach and then you dive. I want to rewrite it. I've again not outlined this fic very much, but I've so many plans... Maybe, I should ideally have a time turner to add a few hours to my days. bc I now realise how much work it would need to write it up how I want it to be lol. But there's some very personal stuff in there so who knows. I do like to finish stuff that I've started so... I hope i will, i'm not sure of it.

16. What are your writing strengths? Ok, disclaimer as I'm Dutch I'm very bad at this. BUT ... channeling inner Sirius Black: I'm good at making characters feel realistic, I'm good a little plot twist at the end, at humour (which is of course entirely personal) , I'm good at sneaky throwbacks to canon, I'm relatively good at looking at my own work with a critical eye and improving myself, as well as letting go of things that are * good enough* as they are, as this is * a fun hobby* (anyone want to share what they like about my writing - or what they think I could improve on, tell me in the comments )

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Thinking I'll do more in the time I have... and not outlining, I've tried honestly, but I've not found a way that really works yet, but still I have these huge fic ideas creep up on me, so Ideally I'd like to get way better at following some sort of outline instead of discovering my way through it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? As I'm not a native English speaker and my fic HOHFY is set partly in Amsterdam there's some Dutch dialogues * i never even bothered to translate them, I'm so sorry. I'm currently also putting some French in my secret finish before posting fic, that will take a while though and it's only tiny bits as it's more the odd word here and there.

19. First fandom you wrote for? I never posted anything for it, but my first fanfic ideas were set in Tortall (Tamora Pierce) who knows, one day I might venture over there.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? Here Comes The Sun I've recently got a lot of lovely comments on fics that weren't less than a week old (yeah!) and reread this one for Myster May because of it & enjoyed it a lot (idk, I don't do favourites, not really.) But I can see quite a few of my own strengths in this one so I'm putting it up here as a fave.

Tagging if you're not already been asked a million times and feel like doing this, no pressure at all, xx @chierafied @chiechie97 @tiffanytoms @oneofthesirens @suzyq31 @ohmygodshesinsane @jfleamont @uncertainwallflower

[al-chemystic]

vent

is this something? is this anything? am i the fucking stupid one? a real bleeding heart, too young and inexperienced and stupid to know that i was supposed to let society beat the hope out of me already like a "rational, logical person?"

i gave up halfway throughout this text. i don't think i have the energy to finish it. i don't think i can be normal with him until i feel seen and heard. i don't think i can feel seen and heard until i finish and send this text. you're going to see me get frustrated at that paradox. i am not trying to pass this off as a complete and coherent statement, but i need to find somebody who understands what i'm getting at so i don't feel fucking crazy.

hey man, i have some things i can't get off my mind.

i don't try to have these discussions with you to start fights or try to make you believe exactly the same things i do. i do it because as someone who has grown up in and directly experienced ableism my entire life, there are a lot of basic, "societal principals" that i can now recognize are rooted in ableism.

first is the idea that human worth is intrinsically tied to the amount of labor one can perform. this is the driving idea behind not wanting to give livable funds to people who cannot maintain that themselves. arguments are made along the lines of "if nobody is doing labor and keeping our society going, it will fall apart." this causes a mass societal inference that anyone who cannot work is not essential to society (society and capitalism are inseparable to most). if you don't think someone is essential for society, you won't care if they have food, water, or shelter, especially not with all the caring you're doing for your own situation. it's so bad that in some circles, ideas like this are stated just as explicitly as i have said them: if you don't work you don't deserve money. you can't survive on your own without money.

that sustainability argument treats the situation as if we're asking for the cessation of all labor, for the government to hand everyone infinite money, and to spawn products out of thin air. at best, this is a thoughtless overcorrection of the problem, and at worst, a purposeful attempt to shut down any questioning of how the lower class is treated in this country by inflating the outcome as something nobody wants. it's important to remember that nobody is asking for that; that is clearly unsustainable.

while the unsustainability argument is a frontline tactic used to stop the asking of questions, the idea that labor = worth is what keeps the answers to the questions that do get through palatable to our capitalist society.

when people are kept in stress, they will get exhausted over time and jaded and nihilistic-- something you clearly recognize. the easiest way to do this is to keep people in financial stress. it is actively happening to you. you are worried about tax increases and not being able to afford to get the house you want. that's not a naturally occurring process.

society is manufactured. it was set up to put you in this situation. when you say things like "that's just how the world is," what you're actually saying is "that's just how the world started, and we're in too deep now to do anything about it."

because it's not like putting water on a grease fire. the way of society is not an unobjectionable fact of the universe based on how the physical world interacts. this is "just how the world is" because humans made it this way. so if humans designed it full of struggle, and if we are on this earth purely as an accident of nature and there is no universal meaning of life, then there is absolutely nothing else that matters more than making the world a better place. there simply is no higher purpose to wait through the struggling for. another prominent function of religion is distracting people during their lifetime so they feel like they're not suffering for no reason, which keeps them from asking for the suffering to stop.

what you're worried about isn't a hurricane that nobody caused and nobody can stop. you're afraid of an indirect threat. you already lose so much to taxes that all they have to do now is threaten to make you lose more, and you (the general "you") will pick the option or belief system that they did not correlate with you losing money. it's manufactured struggle, and it can be stopped.

so running it back, an argument might be

"we can't expand state income accessibility because then nobody will work and society will collapse." there's a silent "as we know it" hidden in there that nobody ever says, because the idea that society can be any different than what we made it has to be stamped out for rich lobbyists to maintain power.

society as we know it will undoubtedly change. again.. look around at all the manufactured financial stress. it has to change.

that quoted argument can only be said without cognitive dissonaance from someone who holds these beliefs:

- capitalist society is the only good society (this keeps lobbyists in power)

- your work is tied to your labor ability (thinking anything else puts you in a position to question capitalism, which threatens current powers. this also takes advantage of peoples' sense of purpose; they have to work themselves ragged to stay afloat, but at least they feel like they're contributing to the society that's hurting them. the idea that anyone isn't working 40+hrs a week and might be able to eat dinner in a house despite that fact immediately sets them on fire, by design, because they have to kill themselves to achieve that)

- increasing aid for others means that the government has to take something from me (while they keep you in such a bad position that you can't afford to lose anything else, instead of a proper distribution of billionaire lobbyists' wealth that could end homelessness in America)

- i dont know ive been writing for two hours and i want to throw up here's my other notes from even earlier:

it's amazing that you can point out why people are suffering and they still will not forsake the systems that keep them in suffering.

you recognize that our government keeps us in stress over our stability on purpose, to keep us distracted. you recognize that the two-party system is the definition of divide and conquer, and is another distraction that's also designed to pit people against each other. it actually blows my mind how you can hold both of those ideas in your head and then turn around and say "anymore i just have to do what makes my life easier for me." without realizing that the decisions you're making-- or not making-- to achieve or maintain that ease steps on other people.

okay, voting for trump will lower your taxes since you're better off than the average american. awesome. do you know what a second trump presidency will do to everyone else? to disabled people? to queer people, of which you are? to people of color? to women? to children?

nobody is saying your vote will fix everything overnight. nobody is saying your voice will make an immediate change in your surrounding community and drop a house in a struggling person's hands.

but choosing to favor policies that benefits you at the cost of others is ACTIVELY DECIDING to endanger other communities because god damn you just want that tax break. a tax break you need because you're fed up with taxes that are increasing "due to inflation." you mean... the manufactured inflation designed to keep you under stress so that you're too tired to care about others?

so it's okay for YOU to get tired? you're allowed to decide that nothing's changing so it's time to stop fighting, but GOD FORBID a homeless person experience that same emotional plight because then they're "doing it to themselves."

NEW NOTES:

i don't think you're wrong for being tired. i don't think you're wrong for wanting your own happiness and your own comfort. i think you're wrong for being unable to apply that to other people.

if the only people fighting for the relief and-- god forbid-- the COMFORT of disabled people are the disabled people, and YOU AS AN ABLE BODIED PERSON CANNOT STOP YOURSELF FROM GETTING BURNT OUT FIGHTING A SYSTEM THAT WON'T CHANGE, HOW THE HELL CAN YOU SIT THERE AND SAY THAT THE DISABLED PEOPLE WHO EXPERIENCE THE SAME BURN OUT IN TRYING TO GET OUT OF HOMELESSNES ARE JUST LAZY AND COMPLACENT. YOU'RE LITERALLY SAYING HEY KID GO FIGHT YOUR OWN BATTLES TO SOMEONE WHO'S 4'2" WHEN THEIR OPPONENT IS 6'4". YOU SEE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HITTING A DISABLED CHILD AND HITTING A REGULAR CHILD BUT WHEN IT COMES TO FIGHTING FOR RIGHTS YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO IT ALL ALONE? YOUR VIEW OF DISABLED COMPETENCE IS COMPLETELY DEPENDENT ON WHAT SERVES YOU BEST, YET WHEN A DISABLED PERSON EXPERIENCES AMBIVALENT ABILITY, THEY'RE FAKING IT?

"oh if my grandpa didn't spank me id be a horrible person today" you were verbally abused. you acted out as a kid because your life sucked and your needs weren't met. people train dogs with more care for their basic needs than they raise a child. if a child is acting out they're missing a need.

the belief that those who achieve any level of relief to their suffering will get greedy and "always want more" is the exact thing they said to stop people of color from getting rights. to stop women from getting rights. to stop gay people from getting rights. to stop trans people from getting rights. and it's used to stop disabled people from getting rights. how is that last one different and acceptable? (it's not)

you're saying things that don't align with my core values, and then acting like if someone decides to step away from a relationship for those reasons that it's not right and they must've never really cared to begin with. you're asking people to sacrifice their belief systems for you. i can already hear you arguing that i'm doing the same, but i'm not demanding that you change your mind nor am i demanding that you sacrifice standing up for what you believe just to stay friends with me. if i believed murder wasn't wrong and that belief caused you to want to distance yourself from me, you would not be a bad person for choosing not to invest your time and energy into someone who believes something that so vehemently opposes your own core values (murder is wrong). i believe hitting a child is wrong regardless. i believe disabled people aren't just lazy. i believe all life has intrinsic value just by the sheer irrefutable fact that it is alive on this planet. you do not share these four beliefs whose opposing ideas-- which you do hold-- directly affect my life negatively. i don't have anybody in my immediate life who does agree with me and understand where i'm coming from. i don't get to choose my family. i get to choose my friends. it would not be wrong for me to decide against subjecting myself to people who hold the same ideas that beat me down everyday.

"just get over it you have to find your own happiness you don't have to justify yourself to anyone blah blah blah. buuuuut also justify yourself to a govt who doesn't care how you can't maintain a job and do it more frequently than you already do because people are abusing the system already so we have to restrict it more. thanks!"

how can you recognize that the generation that thinks the younger generations are all lazy and entitled are falling victim to the same "WELL WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T DO IT; I DID IT AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT BUT I HAD TO. NOW YOU'RE JUST BEING LAZY; YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO WORK ENOUGH TO AFFORD A HOUSE." no, houses are getting more expensive and the disparity between income and cost of living has increased exponentially. it's plain harder, and people are tired.

then all those tired people see disabled people who can't even struggle through a job the same way able bodied people are, and they look behind them at all the boomers calling them lazy, and they go "I'M lazy? well at least i'm doing it; those people do NOTHING and get money for it!!!!!" it's manufactured hatred over manufactured struggle.

i don't know if i can keep subjecting myself to the harsh reality that nobody fucking cares about disabled people and nobody ever will just for the sake of keeping one friend who i don't get to be real with. it's not like i can just end this and go find anyone and they'll probably agree with me. this hatred is baked into everyone; even disabled people. they're just the most likely candidates for breaking free from it.

if the only people in my life are people who keep proving to me nobody cares about my comfort and wellbeing, what's the point of having them?

[kingmintyreturns]

Heya! I just found your punch-out au fic on a recommended page and I love it to bits! It's such and interesting concept and already a great story! Even if it never continues, it's definitely gonna be something I re-read.

Also your art is cool as hell! I love the way you mix the different designs Sandman's had over the years into a cohesive design that looks really unique while staying true to the spirit of his character!

(And your selfship is so cute and you're actually the coolest for getting on cringetopia)

Aww thank you! honestly, getting into the writing process without any knowledge of structure or pacing killed me. I've been practicing quite a bit in my free time. I'm not sure if i can guarantee a continuation since i realized that i came up with the plot after suffering a few losses and identity issues and thematically, it least plotting it out (and later, selfshipping) gave me the catharsis i needed.

sometimes you get to a point with a character that it feels disingenuous to put them in certain situations like a children's plaything. Darius (mr. Sandman) in particular has grown and evolved into something bigger than punch out to me, which i don't expect to make sense to anyone but a few assorted creatives, spirituals, selfshippers and neurodivergent people. i just let him take me where he wants to go. i can't puppet him.

maybe that sounds crazy, but i don't mind. i've genuinely become a healthier person through this coping mechanism. i was diagnosed with autism a month ago, and while sometimes i still doubt, there's no doubt that my special interest has helped me process and start to heal from things i otherwise wouldn't have. i have some creative and supportive friends to thank for that too.

but i digress--thank you for the compliments! it means a lot to me that people still care about something that's brought me so much joy over the years. people may find some of my interpretations to be a bit eccentric, but i don't mind. I've had lots of people agree with me that fat is a good look on sandman.

my hope is that by being myself unapologetically, i can give at least one person out there the space to do so too. it didn't phase me one bit to get on cringetopia--i laughed my ass off. better that they go after me than someone more vulnerable.

i used to be really scared and think that all of my deepest desires, ideas and sensibilities were stupid and shameful. if i hadn't been open here, there's a chance I'd have been much more hurt by their remarks. now, it feels like it rolls right off my back when someone is mean. i might even laugh along; if you take yourself too seriously, you'll never be happy!

i wear the label "cringe" with pride--it means i am unbothered, authentic, and irreverent. i think if we were all willing to be a bit more cringe, people would feel a helluva lot more connected than they do now.

[spnae]

Chapter 42 Cabin Fever

Faith brushed dirt from her hands and sat down in front of Guinevere’s fresh grave. Callum threw down the shovel Faith had pilfered from the B&B’s garden shed and sat down next to her. “You alright?”

She shrugged, “She was a Slayer and I killed her.”

Callum straightened his back, “Self defense against a crazy woman thought to have been dead long ago, who just stabbed someone you care about. You didn’t know Buffy was going to pull through.”

“That’s just it, I’m not sorry… Not for that anyway.”

“But you feel sorry for her.”

“Yeah, I guess I kinda do. I mean this whole thing was seriously messed up from the beginning. Who’s bright idea was it to lock her inside a freaking cave anyway? That thing about it being for her protection was a crock of bull.”

He looked around at the seemingly idyllic forest landscape surrounding the cottage. It looked like something out of a Disney film. “Agreed. This place screams gilded cage.”

“Probably some Watcher’s Council BS, or maybe she was already going nuts or something. Who knows.” She said plucking a blade of grass and tearing it into little pieces.

“Are you going to be alright?”

“Always am.”

He wrapped an arm around her. “Babe, it’s me. Couples therapy, remember?”

“So much more fun when you’re naked.”

Callum chuckled, “Come on, beautiful, you wanted to check out the cottage some more, might find some answers.”

She sighed and pulled herself up. “Yeah, better see if there are any more bombshells waiting for us.”

*****

Buffy pushed herself up out of bed unsteadily. She was healing well but her chest and back seared with pain at every movement. She watched Spike sleeping for a moment as she gingerly shrugged on her robe before creeping out of the room. The bathroom door at the end of the hall was open and Buffy shuffled towards it. She was feeling fairly weak after everything and wouldn’t have gotten up at all if she didn't have to use the bathroom so badly.

She stood at the sink washing her hands and examining her reflection in the mirror. She was pale and looked exhausted. There were circles under her eyes like she hadn’t slept in a week. Her breathing was still a little off but at least she was ambulatory. Barely. This was definitely worse than the wound she had suffered at the Hellmouth.

The corner of the shower curtain caught her eye in the mirror.

Mmm… hot water sounds really good— I should probably get cleaned up and check out the damage for myself…

She sighed as she shrugged off her robe and the oversized shirt she had slept in. Then turned to look at herself in the mirror. She peeled off the bandage a few inches right of her sternum. It was a testament to how much the ordeal had upset Spike since he had yet to make a joke about her being stabbed in the boob. The slash was crusted over with blood. It looked like it was a few days old and had started to heal. She proceeded to contort her arm around to pull off the bandage at her back. Using the mirror she was able to see that side was healing just as well. The hilt of the sword had left a nasty bruise.

There were two baskets on the countertop filled with tiny bottles of shampoo and conditioner. A third basket was filled with what looked like little seashell shaped homemade soaps. Buffy grabbed one of each along with a fresh washcloth and proceeded to the shower. It was just as glorious as she had hoped it would be. The wounds were raw and burned under the water but it felt so good to get clean. She washed gingerly, watching trace amounts of blood and dirt run down the drain.

Could be worse, at least it doesn’t look like the shower scene in ‘Psycho’— She thought.

By the time she got back to their room she felt like she had just finished an extensive training session with the girls. She took the towel off of her wet hair and pulled her robe tighter around herself. Then collapsed back onto the bed as smoothly as possible and let out a hiss of pain as she eased against the pillows. The wound at her back stung dully and felt like one large bruise.

Because it is one big bruise.

She shifted awkwardly as she tried to get comfortable and swore under her breath. Spike lifted his head towards her groggily, “Alright, Pet?”

“I’m fine. Just doing the healing thing.”

He turned, propped himself up on one elbow with his head in his hand, “You smell nice. Shower help?”

“Yeah. I’m feeling better. Still hurts but you know how that goes—“ she cut off with a wince of pain.

“What do you feel like doing? Do you want to head home early or take a few more days here?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it. We should probably check out the cottage again.” She said pulling the blanket back over herself.

“Faith and Callum went this morning, been gone all day as far as I know.”

She nodded, “Alright. What about phone calls? Did you call Willow?”

Spike frowned and cleared his throat, “Not yet, I thought it might be better if you talked to her.”

Buffy looked towards the clock, “Almost dinner time. I’ll call later.”

“You should definitely eat something.”

“I look like death.”

“Nonsense. I look like death and no one bats an eye.”

“You look like you should be a male pinup in some dirty magazine.”

“You say the sweetest things,” he chuckled, “but seriously, you need to eat. Sure you’re a bit peaky but just as beautiful as ever, nothing a little makeup can’t fix if you’re all that worried.”

“Gee thanks,” her voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Come on, you know I’m right.”

“Fine. can you hand me some clean clothes?”

“You need fresh bandages.”

She glanced over at the clock again, “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. They are looking better but I really don’t need them popping open if I have another coughing fit or something. Dinner actually sounds like a pretty great idea right now.”

Spike rolled out of bed and grabbed a clean pair of jeans and a shirt for himself. His own wound looked significantly better than hers but he was still moving rather stiffly.

“How are you feeling?” She asked.

“I’m alright, Pet. Bit tender, but then I don’t have to breathe so there’s that,” he said as he pulled his shirt on gingerly and went to get Buffy’s clothes out of her bag. He tossed them onto the bed next to her before grabbing the first aid kit.

Buffy slipped her robe off of her shoulders and Spike raised his eyebrows when he saw the wounds.

“Well, at least it’s starting to close a little.”

“Yeah, it’s not as bad as yesterday, still hurts like a bitch.”

“I hear you on that one.”

Spike moved around to her back laying a cool hand on her shoulder as he applied a fresh bandage. When he finished he ran his fingers down her arms, kissing her neck.

Buffy inhaled sharply at his tender caress and started to cough a little. “Sorry, Love,” he murmured as he moved back around to her front. He shook his head as he secured the bandage, “Likely to leave a scar.”

“Guess it’s a good thing my boyfriend thinks my scars are sexy.” She smirked.

“Bloody well right they are,” he crooned and leaned in to kiss her.

Buffy slowly pulled back from the kiss, “Humm, yeah, better not start anything we can’t finish.”

He pushed her clothes towards her, “Better put these on then.”

“Any idea what they are serving for dinner tonight?” She asked as she started to dress herself.

He sniffed the air, “Hard to tell over your soap but I’m thinking it smells a bit like a curry,” he answered as he helped her with her shirt.

“Sounds good.”

*****

Faith had spent the past couple of hours going through the cabin and more specifically the things in Guinevere’s bedroom. Her room was the most orderly place on the entire second level. It was also the only room they had found so far that didn’t have any drawings on the walls. The only thing that really stuck out was the enormous bookcase along one wall that was completely filled with journals and sketchbooks. They were stacked on top of the bookcase until they reached the ceiling. There were no other books. Not one.

This is a job for the brains… I can’t do this shit…

Faith thought as she flipped through one of the journals.

She scoffed and went back out into the hall behind Callum who had brought his camera along and was now taking pictures of the drawings covering the walls in the upstairs hallway. The drawings looked like they were done in charcoal from the fireplace. It looked as though Guinevere had tried to wash them down a few times but had started over again. Most of the drawings were of things that happened years before she and Buffy were called but a few looked familiar. One such drawing looked remarkably like Angelus and it made Faith shudder.

Another drawing showed a depiction of what was clearly mayor Wilkins turning into a giant snake. She had been in a coma at the time and had only heard about the events after. Although, surprisingly, it wasn’t half as bad as seeing the Beast she had faced in LA just after she broke out of prison; when Angel had lost his soul.

There was even a scene depicting Angelus feeding off of her. She had nearly died from the substance she had injected into herself in order to knock him out. It had ended up being an odd bonding experience for them in the end. It was strange and more than a little unnerving to see it on the wall like that.

Faith sat down on the floor staring at the drawings.

Callum lowered his camera and looked down at her, “You alright, darling?”

She didn’t respond immediately, “All of this is just seriously freaking weird. Like scenes from my life and it’s just really nuts-o-plenty.”

“I can imagine. I don’t know how I’d feel if it were me.” He shrugged, “Did you see the one in the bedroom at the end? There’s one with a guy collapsed over a cross, I swear it looks like Spike from the back. Got the hair anyway. It’s really freaky.”

“Yeah it really does. What did you think of the ice monster one?”

Callum shrugged, “Bit over the top aesthetically, speaking. Looks like a giant icicle thing with claws and teeth.”

Faith had to laugh, “Yeah pretty much. Got to say I’m kind of glad I haven’t had to fight that one. Not really a fan of the whole snow and ice-mountain cave-dweller scene. And what’s with the Yeti looking thing with the box?”

“You’re the expert here.”

“Right—“ she gave him a skeptic look and shrugged it off.

“What do you make of that one?” He asked, pointing to his left. Most of the drawings there were so corrupted by intersecting lines, neither of them could figure out what they were supposed to be.

“Not a clue, most of this looks like complete garbage. Make sure you get pictures of everything though.”

“On it, Lass.”

“Did you have a chance to check out those last two rooms?”

“Ahh, I got the one on the left you already checked out . Not much in there, in the way of artwork. You already saw the two sets of bunk beds without mattresses. Kinda looks like she just piled stuff up in there that reminded her of her family,” His shoulders dropped a little, “This place is bloody depressing.”

She crossed her arms over her chest as she scanned her eyes over the walls. “Giles would blow his intellectual wad in here. Probably wouldn’t be able to get him to shut up about the place.”

“Trust me, if it weren’t for the creep-factor I’d probably be right along with him.”

“Yeah well I’m going to check out that last room.”

Faith padded down the hallway a little. The door opened a crack and she gasped when the sight of a woman met her; before she realized it was yet another drawing. The room had been completely cleared out. Every reachable surface had been drawn on. Black lines of charcoal covered nearly every inch.

The drawing of the woman that had first caught her attention, took up about half of one wall. She was thin, dark haired and wore a white empire waist gown with blood dripping down the front of her. She was surrounded by children of various ages, and fire.

A wall of blood red fire stood behind the figures in the drawing. It was one of the only drawings that had any color added and Faith realized with a jolt that it was probably blood. Maybe from one of the animals Guinevere had killed.

Faith pulled herself away from the intense stare of the two dimensional woman to examine the rest of the drawings. Demons in all shapes and sizes dotted the walls. A flayed man bound between two trees. Another man arched in pain as light shot out of his eyes and mouth obscuring his features. A woman with blonde hair that looked like it could be Buffy, punching her fist into a demonic Frankenstein’s monster. There was an odd image of a woman floating, dressed in all black with black hair and eyes and unnerving black veins running across her exposed skin.

Faith had no way of knowing if most of these drawings were from the past, present, or future. She had heard stories about Willow going dark and wondered if the last drawing could possibly be her.

Callum walked in, disrupting her thoughts, “Bloody hell—“ he breathed, “Glad I brought extra film.”

“You’re not kidding.”

He pointed towards the picture that had originally caught Faith’s eye, “Who do we think that is?”

Faith frowned, “That would be Spike’s ex.”

*****

Buffy and Spike had just gone into the great room after dinner when Faith and Callum returned to the Inn. Buffy was starting to feel significantly better after getting some food in her stomach. Spike had been right to insist she eat.

Faith plopped down on the couch next to Buffy, jostling the cushions and making Buffy wince.

She turned to glare at her, “Easy, bouncing Betty.”

“Sorry about that B, kind of a rough day.”

“How so? What did you guys find?”

Callum sat in a wingback chair next to the spot Spike had taken up on its twin in front of the unlit fireplace.

Faith sighed and shifted further into the cushions, “Well, we took care of Guinevere and checked out her graffiti. It’s really extensive, there is so much crap to go through there.”

Spike leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “Anything of note?”

“Lots. Some of it was stuff I know already happened. Like she was having Slayer dreams about us. I really don’t believe she didn’t know Slayers were still around. I really think she was playing us from the get-go.”

Buffy hugged a throw pillow to her chest, “I wondered when you first told us about the drawings. It’s really wiggy.”

“She had to have known.”

“Maybe it sort of added to driving her round the bend.” Callum suggested, “Don’t forget bout the journals and the sketchbooks we found too.”

“Ohh yeah, thanks babe. Yeah she had like hundreds of these things on a big bookshelf in her bedroom. I only flipped through a couple of them but she was definitely losing it for a while.”

“It doesn’t surprise me,” Buffy frowned.

Faith turned back to Buffy, “I had Callum get pictures of all of it. And we grabbed a few of the journals for Giles but there are too many of them to even think about taking with us.”

“At least we have the sword and we can get back in. I’m sure Giles is going to want to check it out.”

“Probably. But one thing at a time. We’re going to have to get the film developed when we get back. I can tell you one thing though,” she rolled her head towards Spike, “there’s one hell of a portrait of your ex in there.”

Spike shifted forward a little more, “Dru?”

“Oh yeah. Looking real creepy with a bunch of kids around her and all this blood dripping down. It’s freaky.”

“Well that tracks. She always did have a thing for kids.” His tone was matter of fact, he wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

“Not helping the creep factor here,” Faith groused.

“Anything else?”

Faith adjusted herself on the couch, “Not a clue really. You figure some of those drawings could be almost as old as the cabin. I only know the ones that I either lived through or heard stories about. Like this one that looks like it could be Willow when she went all dark-side, but I couldn’t tell you if that already happened or if she’s going to go dark again.”

Buffy frowned at that, “Will has been doing really well with the magic stuff but this thing with Kennedy—“

“Yeah what’s going on with that bitch anyway?” Faith asked.

“As long as she’s still in Australia and far far away from Willow and my sister, I don’t really care.”

“You better be careful she doesn’t come back round. My sister-in-law had that problem with her ex before my brother. Sort of how they met, actually.”

“I know Giles has connections in Australia; they are supposed to be keeping tabs on her.”

Callum raised his eyebrows and glanced over at Spike, “Probably for the best I take it?”

“Any more trouble out of her and I’ll happily rip her throat out.”

“Never did get that third notch did you?” Faith said.

He smirked, “Oh I got my notch alright. Brought the house down.”

Buffy blushed, “Oh my word, do you have to bring that up?”

“Don’t care what you say, Pet. You don’t forget your first time, especially when we started out on the ground floor and ended up in the basement. God, that was a fun night.”

Callum bit back a laugh, “Now I understand why you laughed at me for breaking the bed.”

“Wow, B, didn’t know you had it in you.”

“How’bout all the furniture I had to replace in my old crypt?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Buffy glared at Spike, “You are—“ Doing this on purpose.

You bet I am, Slayer. Know it’s gonna be a bit before you’re up to anything, got to keep things interesting.

She rolled her eyes at his smirk, “Anyway… enough about our sex-life; what are you two up to tonight?”

“I could definitely use a drink or twelve,” Faith answered.

“Absolutely,” Callum stood, extending his hand towards her, “can I buy you a drink, beautiful?”

She let him pull her up, “You know it.”

Buffy let out a tired sigh, “I have some serious phone calls to make, I guess.”

Faith turned toward her as Callum wrapped an arm around her waist, “You still haven’t checked in with Giles and Willow?”

“No, not yet.”

Faith snorted, “Good luck with that.”

“Gee, thanks.” Buffy pouted a little.

“Giles can wait a bit can’t he?” Spike asked.

She sighed, “Yeah, I won’t be able to get him off the phone if I mention Queenie. I definitely need to call Will and Dawn though. Get her filled in and make sure everything is alright there. Go on, you three go get your drink on, I’ll be phone-call girl.”

Spike leaned forward taking her hand, “Doesn’t seem fair.”

Buffy shrugged a shoulder, “I’m not really feeling the drinks tonight. I’m actually thinking more sleep.”

“Probably do you some good, Love.”

*****

The inn had a small bar at the back of the dining room. The three of them sidled up to the bar, Faith sitting between the two men.

“How is B doing, I mean really?” Faith asked abruptly.

“She’s alright. Don’t think it’s all sunk in just yet.”

Callum raised a finger in the air to get the bartender’s attention, “Could we get a bottle of whiskey and three glasses here?”

“Straight to the point. Can see why you like this one, Doe-eyes,” Spike said as the bartender set down the glasses and retrieved a bottle of whiskey.

“It’s not the only reason but it’s definitely a perk.”

“I bet,” Spike gave a weak chuckle and shook his head, “this little trip has gone a bit sideways, hasn't it?” he added as the bartender set the bottle down in front of them and started to pour.

Callum chuckled darkly and took his glass, “Never a dull moment with you lot, I’ll say that.”

“I’ll drink to that. Cheers, mate.”

“Cheers,” Callum and Faith echoed.

The three of them shot back their drinks and clunked them down onto the bar before Spike refilled them.

“So what now?” Callum asked.

“Probably just finish out our long weekend here and head home. Don’t think Buffy is too keen to head back early and should be just about healed by then.”

“Brilliant. It’ll give me a chance to paint the view.”

Spike snorted into his shot glass.

Callum grabbed the bottle and refilled Spike’s glass, “What’s that? You going to write us a sonnet?”

“Piss off,” he muttered, biting back a grin. He had to admit, it was nice having another guy around he could call a friend.

“Do I need to leave you two creative types alone?” Faith smirked, downing another drink.

“Oh is that what you think?” Callum laughed as he wrapped an arm around her waist, “Cheeky one, you are,” he pulled her into a kiss, delving deep and leaving her breathless.

“Wow,” Faith sounded dazed when she spoke.

Spike downed another shot, “Maybe it’s me that should leave the two of you alone.”

“You’re good. Promise to save it for the bedroom, mate,” he squeezed her to him, “Right darlin’?”

“Might be time for us to turn in.”

“I probably shouldn’t make a night of it anyway. No telling how things are gonna go if Buffy gets into things with Dawn. Bit’s libel to take it badly.” He paused looking at his glass and filled it again, drinking it quickly.

He was more than a little apprehensive about what this all meant for their relationship. On one hand he was overjoyed with the prospect of having her by his side indefinitely but at the same time he worried about how she would handle watching her loved ones grow old and die. He had never really had that problem but he was sure she would.

“Girl can be savage when she wants to be.” Faith commented.

“Got that right,” he downed another shot and slid from his stool slapping some money down, “I’m going to see how she’s faring.”

*****

When Spike got up to their room, Buffy was in her pajamas and sitting up on the bed with her phone in her hand. She glanced up at him when he came in and he immediately noticed her yes were slightly red at the corners.

“Alright, Slayer? You get through to Roam?”

Buffy cleared her throat, “I talked to Willow.”

He strode over to sit with her, watching her intently. “What is it?”

Buffy shook her head, “I hum, I sort of chickened out.”

“You didn’t call?”

Her voice was rough, “I did. I talked to Willow, checked in on the Rome situation with Kennedy being gone. Violet has sort of taken over, who would have thought huh?”

It was clear she was stalling. “Timid little ginger right?”

“Yeah. Turns out she’s kind of a natural leader, just needed a confidence boost.”

Spike nodded, it was always good to have an update but he couldn’t let her change the subject either. “Good for her but what about Red? What’s going on there?”

She twisted her hands together around her phone, still clutching it, “Oh I got her all filled in no problem. Told her everything we know so far and then— I asked to talk to Dawn. Spike, I completely froze. I don’t even know why. I was doing fine and then when I heard her voice—- I just couldn’t tell her what happened. I started babbling about the B&B; what a nice room we have. I sort of tried to push past the freak-out and started to tell her about the cave but then I just made it sound like we went sightseeing or whatever. It was so stupid.”

Spike pulled her into him, letting her rest her head in the crook of his neck. “This hasn’t exactly been a lovely seaside holiday, Pet. Point of fact I’m not surprised in the least. You’ve been through a lot, we all have. You’re so used to just gettin’ right back up no matter what knocks you down like some sodding punch-clown. You’re still human, sweetheart.”

“Am I?” It was almost a whisper.

He had half expected her to say something like this but it still struck him like a kick to the stomach. “Course you are, Love. You’re just a little something extra. Like a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top.”

Buffy snorted a tiny laugh, “You’re such an idiot.”

“Yeah but you love me so what’s that say about you?”

“As long as we get to be idiots together.”

“Always.”

[ghostofpolaris]

Actually I want general reading if universe want me to know something

Hello hello @purpleoceanuniverse! Happy Samhain to you! As with every reading, I have a song as well to accompany the tarot and your song was:

when the party's over by Billie Eilish

As per usual, it could just be a nice tune to listen to, or perhaps it holds a deeper meaning. At the end of the day, it is up to you to decide. With this in mind, let's go ahead and see if there is something the Universe would like you to know about.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

What Does the Universe Want You to Know? (Three of Swords) -

First of all, I am very sorry that this is the kind of card you got because the connotations around this are usually not that great. This is a card people typically do not like to see (especially in love readings of all things). However, I think we are more than allowed to break tradition here and not only inspect the deeper meanings of this card but I truly think that perhaps the song that came for you has more depth than what I maybe have originally given it credit for.

Before we go too crazy with the meaning of the Three of Swords itself, let's go ahead and examine what the Swords suit means first. The Swords suit is of the element of Air which speaks of a balance between intellect and power. This is an element that can breeze by like a gentle gale or rip us apart like a wild tornado. The Swords suit is one that mainly focuses on action (whether constructive or destructive), change, force, conflict, courage, oppression and ambition.

The Swords mirror the quality of the mind present in your thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes. Remember that just because something may be constructive or destructive does not automatically mean it is good/bad. With this in mind, let's dig at the Three of Swords and what the Universe has to say.

The Three of Swords is a card that talks of heartbreak, grief, sorrow, emotional pain and hurt. There really must be a ton of hurt going on and like the person in the image of this card, these wounds run deep. You have suffered a lot recently and I wished I could give you a hug through the screen because the Universe I think really recognizes that pain.

Whether it could have been a bad relationship (romantically, familial or platonically), or perhaps a disagreement that turned nasty really fast, someone has definitely said some things that left an impact. This really has set you back emotionally and man does it sting.

But let's look away past the face value of the Three of Swords. Let's dig some more.

"Let's just let it go"

This part of the song really hit me, along with this crescendo of harmonies as if perhaps you finally are trying to just heal from the hurt and wish to bathe yourself in a release form the hurt. The Universe I believe really wants you to know that it is okay to release your emotions. Grieve. You are allowed to feel things and it is just a necessary part of life to feel that pain, sorrow and grief. Of course, one should not linger there forever, but you are allowed to be human.

Allow yourself to feel and get out what you have been bottling up. Whatever has been said, know that you don't need to accept those words as truth whether it is you telling yourself something mean or someone else saying them. Projections are not physical. They are just another shadow in the dark whether it is the darkness of someone's own insecurities or even our own. It's safe for you to grieve here and please feel free to do so for as long as you need, but do not forget that you also must move on and begin walking again.

Keep in mind what hurt you and why. Is there more truth in what has been said that you do not want to face? Use this pain you feel to expand your perspectives and see the bigger picture. I believe in you. I am proud of you.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

I hope that this reading helps you! Feel free to look back on it anytime you need and may you have a happy Samhain!

Free Tarot Readings Open!

[loudmouthdreamwalker]

Will The Chosen get into whether we ought to praise God too when tragedies and sufferings befall us so that God can know that we rejoice in our sufferings? After all, didn't Paul say, "We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."? Would it be appropriate to praise God when an earthquake that results in the deaths of many people hits?

I'm sure the show will address this, and I think they might already have brought it up in some ways, because it's one of the key concepts of Christianity.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, when Christ says "take up your cross and follow Me", He's asking each of us, "Will you help Me save your brothers? Will you let Me teach you how to love?", as a father asks his small child to help with chores. It's not a request made out of need, but out of love.

We've all seen the meme, "accept me at my worst", and when was Christ more at His worst than on the Cross? Can you imagine if someone took your hands in the middle of the darkness, in the middle of the tears and voices and uneven breaths and said "thank you for allowing me to be part of your worst, thank you for sharing your burdens with me", for NO OTHER REASON than that they loved you and wanted to help you? That's what Christ is asking us to let Him do for us, and what we do for Him when we accept Him. He sees us. He sees our pain. Suffering is a window that we can reach into each other through. It can bring people so close.

A while back, I heard about "thanking God for your suffering", and I was like, I am carrying a lot?? It's hard enough to smile AND say "good morning" at the same time?? I'm trying so hard, now I'm being asked to stretch even farther?? But I was looking at it wrong. The first time I finally tried it, and mentally said "ok, this is kinda horrible, but I thank You for it anyway", this sounds crazy, but it actually GOT EASIER SOMEHOW. The most accurate way to put it was that the problem didn't necessarily feel smaller, but I felt stronger, more capable of dealing with it. As I started to do it more often, I realized my mental image of me with God was slowly changing from me standing before Him with shoulders squared and my best heroic smile, saying "go ahead! Hit me! I can take it, because I want to be holy!", to Him walking beside me and pointing things out along the way, with both of us carrying crosses. I hadn't even realized that the first image was my default until it started to change.

When something awful happens, we can thank God for it, and NOT because "oh yeah, I better be grateful for what I get, I better be glad this all powerful God noticed me in some way", no, nope, that's not how it works. "Rejoicing in our sufferings" means rejoicing that our sufferings have meaning, that they help us and others, that Christ is sharing the work of taking care of this crazy human family. As St. Paul was saying, the more we suffer, the stronger we can become, which strengthens our character, who we are as people, which brings us hope for ourselves and others, and that will not let us down, because it is all from the love of God in the Holy Spirit that we have surrendered our burdens and our pain to. By accepting Christ's offer to share some of His suffering, we are really giving Him our own.

Suffering can often make us feel so alone, but it is actually a sign that we are not alone.

We don't thank God for the tragedy, but for the opportunity the tragedy gave us. The opportunity to surrender and to love.

I hope that helps to answer some of your questions, and that it brings you some peace!

~LD~

[panic-at-your-heart]

Back just one month (or two, not sure actually) after last entry and somehow I have news

Well, for starters, seems like twitter is going to be blocked in Brazil, I am kinda blue about it, I mean, I really like to use that shithole, but for some good graces (I hope) I can use this diary a little bit more and perhaps have a more sane mind not thinking about problematics all the time. Still, I will be missing some friendships I made and the entertainning that it brings, I hope that in the end it stays up, but not really sure if its going to happen, a lot of fake signs for sure this lasts months but perhaps this time is for real

Going foward with the catching up, I actually suffered a heartbreak some weeks ago, yeah I know, same story again: Me getting delusional and someone leaving out of nowhere, yet, I am not grieving (perhaps a little, not because I am missing him tho, It was just a situation that kept me wondering why he left, the explaining he made was really not enough) but still, barely even knew him, I will remember him as a shame source in little to no time, trust me. Anyways, not exactly something worth sharing here on its own, I want to actually talk about how this situation oppened a even better relashionship. Well, me and C were talking because I kinda knew things could go south, so It was like a backup I guess? Anyways, It ended up being usefull to help me in this situation, in the end he really makes me very happy, found out he was in love with me for like....YEARS, crazy, right? Well, anyways, he is really really nice and we get along very well, he treats me right and I really am atracted to him, seems like some bad things happen for the best, right? I assume you already know this by now, after reading last entries

Will be bringing news soons, If I dont forget about here again (sorry, I really value you as a friend, I swear!), hope you are okay as well