#i am going to be socialising with them in an environment that is not work it is literally going to be so okay

[justinefrischmanngf]

I AM LOSING MY MIND WITH STRESS I HATE BEING AN ADULT WHO HAS A JOB THAT MEANS I NEED TO SOCIALISE I CAN'T DO THIS I SHOULD HAVE SAID NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok i'm normal now

[csuitebitches]

Hi! You're amazing and your page is amazing. I'm a girl who's really interested in growing and building my life. My mental illness has taken so much from me, so I feel I am starting life over this year like a little baby while everyone else is an adult. I often feel VERY insecure around friends who are normal and have achieved so much and have not made the many mistakes that I have.

I now have been isolating myself because I usually feel so ashamed of myself when I'm with them. I barely have any cooking skills as a female, I've never held a real job, I never network or connect with anyone, I have felt so miserable with a scowl on my face everyday, and I barely know what I'm doing with my life now in college.

As I am now working on my character flaws, how do I still feel I am loveable to my friends, stop pushing everyone away, and stop feeling like hiding when I'm with them?

everyone was once in your shoes. Were your friends born with their job? Were they born accomplished? Was Gordon Ramsey born with a knife in his hands? Have you seen the video of him crying because of his mentor Marco Pierre White?

Ive lightly burned my fingers, my food, set off the university dorm fire alarm because of my initial cooking skills. I’ve melted a spatula. I’ve burned countless toasts, broken glass bottles, had a whole bug infestation because I forgot to close the fridge tightly when I left uni for summer. Then I learned. I watched more YouTube videos. I practiced cooking. I can objectively say I cook better than my mom today because I made the effort to learn.

A master was also an amateur once.

“I never network with anyone” it’s good that you can admit the things you need to work on. The way you address problems like this is:

a) are there networking opportunities near you?

b) can you look up conferences and opportunities near you?

you assume that your friends have not made as many mistakes as you have. Do you go on a radio show and tell the whole world about every mistake you’ve made in your life? Even with close friends, one does not always reveal every single thing or sometimes, doesn’t feel the need to.

your journey is your own. The exam paper of your life does not have the same answers that your friends have written.

you’re not going to magically wake up accomplished, you’re going have to work towards it. And the best part is, you’re in college! That’s such a great stepping stone because you’re in an environment that’s programmed to help you grow if you can use your cards right.

can you join any extra curricular clubs or activities? Or ask your professors or the counsellor for internship opportunities? Can you organise an event like a bake sale or something for the local charity? Can you take up volunteering opportunities?

your insecurities are holding you back. You’re not any less lovable than the friends and family in your life. You have control over your own life. When you choose to actively put yourself out there, start socialising, engaging with people - which can be difficult for some people but always rewarding - you’ll start seeing change.

unfortunately the world doesn’t revolve around us. If you’re unhappy with how things are, the remote control of your life is in your hands.

you’re already working on yourself which is great. That means you have the intrinsic motivation to do something. It’s time to stop moaning and whining and start creating a plan of action.

tackle things one thing at a time. Don’t start with 10 things.

From your message it seems like:

You need help with adulting - cooking.

job - ask your college counsellor/ professor of your favourite subject for internship opportunity, on campus or off campus.

purpose -find a hobby, sport, volunteering cause, something that you like that you actually enjoy.

look at these three problems in the best positive light. It means you get to learn all these things you didn’t know! It means you’ll be able to meet new people who could become really good connections!

make your life simple. Progress doesn’t mean going from burning the kitchen down to cooking a three course meal. It means taking one week to learn how to fry an egg. It makes taking a week to learn how to make a decent pancake or some rice. It means screwing up 10 times and then finally getting it right on the 11th.

allow yourself to make mistakes. Acknowledge to yourself about them and move on.

Do not let your shame hold you back from living your life. We torture ourselves in imagination more than we actually suffer in real life.

I’ve felt embarrassed countless times in my life. I’ve slipped up, messed up, forgotten things, done what I wasn’t supposed to, held my tears back, been scolded, full blown cried, scribbled aggressively in my diary, ranted to my mom, had dramatic fights with my imaginary boss in the shower, woken up late, screwed up royally in important meetings. These are not original experiences. These are universal experiences. Anyone who is telling you that they have never felt this is a dirty liar.

I wouldn’t exchange those mistakes for the world.

How do you think I’m able to give you advice on this if I didn’t go through those similar experiences?

If you want to make changes in your life that badly, start today. Set three simple goals that are achievable. Set deadlines. Be your own parent. Get your life together.

[no-name-blu]

Can you tell us more about your oc's??

Oh I am going to make you regret asking this /j /aff

This will have VERY LONG explanations and unintelligible ramblings so that's my warning

Melissa The Magnificent

So the first Welcome Home OC I made (a bit cringe)

She used to Playfellow Workshop's first concept of their tv about Melissa's adventure to be the best magician ever! She also used to have powers in her eyes kinda like Wally (Well, a lot of my oc's plot is derived from headcannons, anyways-)

But then turns out doing Melissa's tv show is way too big to handle for them but they were already halfway through production and the puppets are all created.

So they decided to recycle the materials for scraps, even the sentient puppets. Melissa tried to protect them all, failed, but since she's some ✨️special✨️ kind of magical puppet. They decided to take out little materials from her, and take away her stuffings to make sure she doesn't move, then they rip off her eyes. No clue if they kept it safe.

Anyways, she's locked away for about decade until she's brought back to be a new character for Welcome Home just to spice up the show, since, she's a magician.

No one in staff trusted her so they never gave her back her eyes, Melissa got her own ways to see (I'm not explaining that part). But still, she's eyeless and struggle with her surroundings. Occasionally she has to leave the neighbourhood to "perform outside of town" when in reality she's being observed by staff to see if they're willing to give her back her eyes. So far, they don't trust her.

Some other cool fact, cus she does have magic, she also knows other universes exist (idk why I did that, I just think I've cool)

Plus, her magic is more focused on controlling her environment and those around her. Though she can't do much because she doesn't have her eyes

John Doe

This one is honestly wild.

Kind of like a Pinocchio story, some time in the 1930s where an old man lost his daughter, decided to create a wooden marionette doll to cope and it ended up being alive! How did he do it? Did he know how? Or did he wish upon a star? I'm not gonna answer cus idk and didn't bother to make an answer

Anyways, somehow this rich family found out about the doll's existence and payed the old man SO MUCH money for a butler doll that will serve to their kid since he doesn't socialise much and the parents suck, they do not give a shi. So the guy tried to make a new doll but it's not coming to life, he felt like he had no choice but to sell his alive-wooden-puppet-daughter-replica to the family. At first the father is mad why the butler looks feminine, but it's a puppet, why the heck does gender matter-

Now working for the kid and given a new name, Booker. They did grew close together until that kid had to like leave the house for years, so Booker took care of the house and the parents by himself until the son comes back.

But this kid, now a grown buff man, reqlly changed, he snaps out more, getting more furious as the days pass. One day this kid planned out a whole gathering, didn't bother to hide Booker a secret from his friends. Planned or not, this man snapped on the puppet and beat him up, since he's made out of wood it's not that hard to break him apart.

The others on that event got killed too, their bodies got dumped in that lake/sea with also the puppet's body.

That puppet was supposed to be dead, instead he woke up seeing himself being prepared by the Playfellow Workshop staff and gave him the name John Doe (He lied he forgot his name). Plus, John can see and talk to ghosts now, at first he's panicked but he was being fixed at the time and can't move. But those ghosts calmed him down. They also have something to do to help John from not dying :D

Anyways now as a new character of the show to be the whole neighbourhood's butler. He talks to the ghosts too, they're his friends.

Plus, I always ship him with Melissa. They're happily married (I think. I drew the proposal but I haven't done the marriage). The OG may be a bit happy, but in other AUs I love making them suffer. I just like the idea of a couple who always find each other in every universe just to be doomed in the end

Briella Bedazzle

This OC is still a bit new and she's very delulu, possibly the darkest amongst the others (I can't tell, they all had it very bad)

So she doesn't have a sad upbringing like Melissa and John.

Briella just owns an ice cream parlor in the neighbourhood, serving her friends with a smile

But she always have this feeling she deserves more than this life. She hates being the cheerful ice cream lady, she wants to be more, way bigger than Wally Darling. Briella wants to be a human so badly.

Playfellow didn't like that, and so they decided to make a new copy of her to replace her. Out of desperation, she killed the copy and pretended to be the replacement. But, when she killed the copy, she notices blood coming out of it. Though, that's just Briella seeing her own reality false, they're cotton, but she sees blood.

This made her believe at first, maybe all thw puppets have blood and they're all humans at first. But another puppet had a tear accident and Briella only saw cotton. So, she believed maybe she, herself, is the only one who was human. Briella got in a tear accident by herself (she would never hurt herself) and all she sees is blood coming out of her own tear, though in reality it's just cotton, she's just so convinced in her own belief it really changed her perception on reality and disorganised her thinking-

But this really starts her beef with Playfellow since they would try to keep replacing her and she keeps killing off the new copies and pretending to be the replacement.

Well, to change this topic to something light, I wanted to try out oc x canon with her for a while now. I decided she's having an enemies to business partners to lovers trope with Howdy Pillar! They may think they're competition to their stores, but they both love capitalism so much

I am so sorry for the long rambled I put you through-

Not really

[blueboyluca]

Puppy update for anyone interested:

Topaz is now 15 weeks. Things have gotten easier now that she is fully vaccinated and can go more places.

I have still done very little in the way of training. It's very hard to find the energy at the moment. I've still got a lot going on in general and it would be nice to have a break, but I can't take leave until October.

Good things:

Topaz and Marcie have gotten closer and now Marcie is soliciting play rather than just accepting or rejecting it. They attended a trial night together and played and chased on the field, which I've never seen Marceline do out there before, so that was nice.

Topaz has a a great drive for food and pretty good drive for toys. I took her alone to my club last night and she was happy to play around with both food and toys. (Of course, not the toy I bought especially for her, but a big fan of Marceline's tugs.)

She is pretty well sorted in the house now. Has still had a couple accidents toileting. Sleeps on the bed now without issue. I still have the crate next to me in case she won't settle but it has only been needed once since I got back from Alice Springs.

She is so far pretty good about walks, if a bit anxious overall.

Not super great things:

She barks at stuff. The three main scenarios for barking are: spooked at movement from afar; spooked at a new person who appears "out of nowhere"; and frustration. It's not, like, terrible, but I am a little concerned about the spooky barking. I'm trying to distract and redirect when it happens. I'd also like to catch her before she starts barking but it's not always predictable. I have a lot of fear about ending up with another reactive dog so trying not to let my stress affect the situation. She's people and dog social still, just spooky at first with both people and dogs. But it's not even with all dogs and people, just in some situations.

She still hates the harness. Not just the putting it on, but wearing it in general. I have limited harness use to the car and walks only. When I can just use the collar and leash I do. (I still don't feel comfortable walking my dogs on just a collar. They're small and their necks are fragile.)

I feel like she has two personalities at the moment. She has this fun crazy wildchild thing going on at home and in some other environments once she's used to them. Otherwise she's flat and a little bit anxious. People keep telling me she's "so good" during these times, but it's not being chill and calm, it's being anxious and quiet. She doesn't show any major signs I'm concerned about, just this overall smallness compared to what I know she's capable of. I have no idea if this is due to my failure in socialisation, or just her personality.

I intend to get back into my routine with all three dogs now that Topaz isn't restricted to the home. That will include morning and evening walks spread amongst all three. I need to work out how I'm going to do training at home as I still haven't quite figured it out. I want to start teaching stationing and turn taking so it's a solid skill for future agility training as well as for easy training at home. Luca and Marcie aren't superstars at either, so I will need to put some more effort in.

[orii-blogs-stuff]

“I will be the Minister of Communication and Information as I have been working with the Geibes on introducing new industries to our Duchy, so it’s only logical for me to become Minister of Communication after my contributions.” Were they supposed to add a ‘why’ now when explaining which Ministry they wanted to be a part of?!

“Understandable, Maria is Culture… Harry is Technology… Riya?”

“Environment.” Riya said almost immediately, “I’ll be perfect for the job because I’m very passionate about Geography.” Was that a good explanation? Or maybe she should have said more? Should she continue or will they start to give her looks for talking too long? What if she-

“Very well.” Jayden said, cutting her off mid-thought, “Max?”

“I… Don’t know.” Max said, “Law and order maybe?”

Jayden was quiet. “... Ok.” He said after a bit of thinking, “That is doable, Deb?”

“Finance Minister?” Deb said, sounding unsure. “I am good with money and I took the commerce stream in class nine and ten.”

“Right.” Jayden said as his attendants noted it down. “Remaining is Commerce and Industry Ministry and Education, Leo?”

“Uh… Education?” Leo said. 

“And that leaves the Commerce and Industry Ministry for Sally.” Jayden said. “Right, now that’s out of the way. We will now be discussing the Archduke Conference.” His attendants handed out papers to everyone. “Last year the war had just ended, so the Archduke conference was only a day-long, this year we will be having the normal seven-days-long Archduke conference.”

Seven days?! “That’s so long!” Riya couldn’t help but exclaim, “What will we be doing for so long?!”

“I was getting to that.” Jayden said, making Riya shrink back as she felt all the eyes on her. Jayden cleared his throat. “The first day is reserved for introductions, marriages and death ceremonies, as well as the odd Prince or Princess debut ceremony.” Jayden paused, letting them all soak up the information.

‘ So it’s a bit like what happened the last time? ’ Riya thought to herself, that sounded easy enough, also she did was sit and clap politely. 

“There will be a lunch and dinner as well as a Ball where there will be a lot of socialising involved.” Jayden warned. “Remember, from the minute we step foot in the Sovereignty, everything’s a power play. Everything . The lunch and dinner being served will be provided by the Sovereign cooks, showing off their superior cooking skills, the Ball is where the main socialising occurs for Day One and when the invitations for the next few days of tea parties will be handed out. Everyone will be advertising and showing off what their Duchy can do, like the Interduchy Tornament. The Archduke Conference is the only time the three-day rule for inviting people to socialise isn’t followed because all Aubs are expected to be ready for socialising, understand so far, everyone?”

There were many ‘Yes’s and ‘Ya’s going around.

“Good, on Day Two the Duchy that is the First Duchy will be expected to lend their chefs to make Breakfast for everyone, including the Sovereign Nobles that will be attending, Last time we came First so if that happens again, we’ll be expected to provide everyone meals for Breakfast. From this day the tea parties will start.”

Would she be expected to attend tea parties with Nobles from other Duchies? The very thought made Riya’s body shake in fear. Talking to people! Her ! The last time she did that she called Eherenfest’s Archduke’s Mother ‘unfit to be a Laynoble’s third wife’! She can’t possibly go to tea parties.

“Raise your hands those who will be fine with attending such tea parties.”

There were a number of hands that went up, Deb’s, Shuu’s, Melissa’s and Maria’s. “Right.” Jayden said. “You four and I will try to accept any and all invitation for tea pirates with Archdukes of Harmonia, if anyone else accepts the invitations they will obviously have to go because to not go to a tea party your invited to is rude but we’ll make sure one of us five will also go, understood?” 

Again a round of agreement.

“Good. The Fourth day is a ‘rest day’ where no socialisations will take place other than a Ball at which, again, everyone will be receiving invitations to the next round of tea parties and Day Seven is when we all go home, understood?”

‘Yes~’

“Ya~”

“Uh huh.”

Riya was sweating the entire time, she did not want a repeat of what happened the last time…

“Good.” Jayden said. “With that I conclude the meeting.”

OOO

Riya was internally screaming, she seemed to be doing that a lot nowadays.

You see, she had a little problem called figure-out-how-many-departments-and-workers-her-Ministry-needed-and-submit-the-report-to-Deb-by-fruitday. 

‘ Ok ok ok… ’ She thought to herself, ‘ I’m going to need a department for Forest and wildlife conservation… ’ Because those two were very important, widespread deforestation was no joke after all! And since they were expecting to industrialise, habitat loss for wild animals was also a problem because hungry animals could be forced to come near human settlements looking for food spooking residence and might accidentally kill a lot of people… Next was a Botanical department because knowing what plants were in their Duchy was a good idea which could help them further develop the duchy (they might even find some interesting medicinal plants) so that was another department… Next was the Census… Census was very important and could be used to conduct surveys and help implement policies in the future so that was also a department… Pollution control… Did they need a whole department just for pollution control? Pollution wasn’t a big deal yet so that should take a back seat for now… So was tourism… Most of the Duchies were too war torn for tourism… 

They also had a large river flowing through the Duchies didn’t they? Flooding was no joke so they probably needed a department for that… Or could she put it under the Forest and wild- Nah. River needed it’s own department, or should she lump that in with the Study of Climate department? Maybe she should, climate and rivers were kinda closely related after all. She also needed a department to keep and update maps. Survey of Harmonia! What a perfect name! She probably also needed a department for Rural and Urban development and transportation development.

Anything she was forgetting?

No?

Well then… that meant she had… Six departments in her Ministry… Wasn’t a bad number… Now she needed to figure out how many workers she needed so she could calculate the budget for next year…

Let’s see. Ideally she would need a Head for each department and… Deputy? Vice-deputy? Someone who could step up and take charge when the Head of the department was unavailable.

Should she get at least one person from each Geibedom for each department? That wasn’t a bad plan, those from their home geibedoms are the ones who truly knew what was going on in their geibedoms and what they needed to do to fix it.

Riya started to calculate how much money she needed, the minimum wage for a Noble here was one point five million lions (monthly) so about fifteen large silvers monthly if each department had fifty workers (starting off small was a good idea, she could add more workers when necessary) and about three hundred commoners for each department (adjust if and when needed, even commoners need money to feed their families), each commoner’s wage here was about one lakh but that felt too small with the recent inflation so two lakhs? About two large silvers per commoner so in total she needed two hundred and sixty-five million lions or about two hundred and sixty-five small golds per month… So thirty-one point eight large gold coins a year… that was excluding other expenses like paper and ink and other infrastructure she couldn’t remember right now…

Puting the total cost at fifty large golds a year…

Riya stared at the paper, there was no way their present government would be able to cough up so much money… Not with the recent war anyways, with all the other departments also needing a similar amount of money (or for some departments, even more) there was a chance her department might not receive the funds it needs…

She needed to think up a solution for this, and fast, before the Budget date arrived.

[flowercrowncrip]

After a couple of incidents, I recently asked all my carers to be more respectful of my workplace and to take more of a background role while I’m at work.

While I’m in youth groups I need my carers to wait outside because confidentiality and safeguarding means they can’t be in the sessions, but I need them close by for when I need help with anything. My manager has said the organisation would arrange appropriate training and background checks if I need my carers in the room with me, but we both feel it would also be unfair to bring non queer adults with no experience working with queer youth into a queer youth group unless really necessary.

While I’m working in the office I prefer my carers to have more of a background role there too. It’s my workplace and I want to have as close to a “normal” experience there as I can. All my colleagues treat me like the competent adult I am and I really enjoy the independence I have there. I can talk to my colleagues about things I can’t really talk to my carers about (especially aspects of queerness) because I know my colleagues will get it. Having a carer right there in the room massively changes the dynamic.

Especially with That Carer. She views my workplace as somewhere to socialise and as an opportunity to demonstrate what a good ally she is. To do that she’ll just bring up horrific examples of queer phobia so she can say how wrong she thinks it is. We’ve told her before that it can be quite triggering to bring up constantly in a room of queer people where pretty much everyone has experienced hate crime but she won’t stop. She also loves to be the centre of attention which makes things difficult for me. Basically instead of supporting me to live my life the way I want to, she’s trying to live my life herself.

Yesterday evening after work (when I was totally shattered and really needed to be in bed) she came to me in tears because she didn’t like taking a background role while I’m at work. She said she wants to socialise with my colleagues more and said she feels rude not being friends with them. I assured her that no one thinks she’s being rude, just professional but that didn’t seem to help. She said she’s going to “reach boiling point” if I continue to have boundaries at work and don’t let her treat my workplace as her social life.

She then told me that I basically have three choices:

1) continue asking her to take a background role, but she said that would lead to her reaching “boiling point“ and having implied empirical outbursts while I’m at work

2) have get drop me off at work, leave me without care, and then come back later ( so I can’t put on or take off a jumper, get help with food and drink or my computer, take my as needed medication or deal with acute medical situations)

3) let her treat my workplace as a social club (and lose the really nice supportive environment I have there when she doesn’t)

None of my other carers have an issue with this. And when our service users bring carers and support workers, they always take a back seat and let the person they’re caring for get in with their lives. I can empathise with my carer being upset, and clearly she has stuff going on I don’t know about, but it’s so unfair to put it on me to manage her emotions. Letting me live my life is a huge part of her job and that requires boundaries especially while I’m at work.

I really need a break from her but I don’t get one until Friday

[ititledit]

Cover letter tips, please? <3

Quick note - I only use Tumblr mobile which does limit my ability to write/format long response well but I will do my best! Sorry it's taken so long to answer, I haven't actually finished so this is v1!

This anon is because I voted for "write a cover letter" on the poll about "which adult activity are you happiest to do" - the number of people happy to build Ikea furniture is mind boggling to me!

A little about me. I am a manager and have been involved in recruitment for many years. I have shortlisted and interviewed people for roles from apprentice up to senior leadership. I have also mentored several people into my industry.

And I have worked for several industry lead companies.

Tip one - the mindset.

You are not writing about yourself, you are writing about your friend, who is the ideal candidate for this job. They just so happen to have done the exact same things as you, but they are not you. You love them. You are proud of them and impressed by their achievements.

Socialisation teaches us to be modest and not to value what we have accomplished ("because I did it I guess it wasn't such a big deal?"), so framing the cover letter as being for a dear friend can help to get over this discomfort. This doesn't work for everyone though, but I think it's still worth trying.

When something is ahead of us we view it as a dream or aspiration, and someone else who has that thing is superior, Impressive, has their life sorted out. But when we look at those same things in our own past, we devalue them, partly because they become normalised to us... But I also think that living in a society that minimises women's achievements lead us to devalue our own - we judge ourselves with the eyes of patriarchy, rather than the eyes of someone who loves us.

So treat yourself as you would someone you love. Recognise what you have done and acknowledge the value of those things.

Tip 2 - The Process.

go through the job advert and make a bullet point list of the things they have explicitly asked for. This will be a mix hard and soft skills, or even come from how they describe the job environment. Leave a few lines between each bullet point.

- Computer literate

- Customer service

- Fast-paced environment

- Changing priorities

- Organisation

- Field specific systems/knowledge

- Previous experience in the industry

Next you are going to bullet point all the things you have done on a separate piece of paper. Again, leave space between them.

If you are young and early in your career you will need to find these things from a wider pool. If you are established in your career then you may only need to use your current job and maybe one or two previous roles.

- Qualifications (all of them - school, college, music, sports, anything you worked for and were examined in)

- Working in shop/bar/warehouse

- Volunteering

- Extracurricular activities

- Work experience

- Your current job

- the job before that

- Childcare for your siblings/cousins

There are two methods for what to do next

Method 1

Take the list of requirements and apply it to everything in the experience list

- working in shop/bar/warehouse = use computer for stock taking, fast paced customer facing environment, have to organise the kitchen/stock, prioritising orders

- volunteering with the scouts = using emails to communicate and organise

Method 2

Take some scissors and cut up all the bullet points of things you have done. I like to have the piece of paper with the list of requirements on the left and the cut up bits on the right.

Then you start pairing them up. Doesn't matter how tenuous it is, you are making what you have done match what they want. Also you can use the same example for multiple things, if it is the best fit for those.

Computer literate = learning IT at school, current job, volunteering to help teach elderly people use emails.

Customer service = bar/shop work, volunteering with scouts

Fast paced environment = bar/shop work, doing theatre tech at school, being on a sports team

Changing priorities = looking after your siblings/cousins, a project you worked on at college, bar/shop work

Organisation = scheduling your work/school/extracurriculars, current job,

Field specific systems/knowledge

Right I'm posting this now, but I will try to write the next part soon.

[thought-42]

Fictober Day 6: “Adaptable, I like that”

Critical Role, 666 words, Patia, Laerryn Patia drags Laerryn to parties at least once a month in some sort of haphazard socialisation program for young weapons of mass destruction. Laerryn is less grateful for these opportunities than Patia thinks she ought to be, but she is Patia's friend and pet project both so she forgives herself the indulgence.

She looks the part, if nothing else. She's lovely when cleaned up properly, all sharp angles that somehow become elegant in the right light. She wears her arrogance like haughtiness and her boredom like poise, and the conversations Patia has practised with her flow like they're natural. For the most part she's lost interest in attempting eye contact and is visibly more at ease for it, and should she get too distracted Patia holds no compunctions about using her nails to full effect in the crook of Laerryn's elbow.

She's also on her fourth glass of wine. Patia sighs in what she tells herself isn't envy.

"Slow down," Patia says. "You don't get out of here any faster if you talk to every person in the room or finish more drinks than there are courses to the meal."

"There are so many things I could be doing," Laerryn says under her breath. "I'm sorry. I do appreciate what you’re doing for me."

"You don't have to lie to me."

Laerryn tugs them both to a halt, turning to look down at Patia. She's bitten all the lipstick off her mouth. "I'm not. I really do appreciate the intent. It's not your fault the methods are bullshit."

Patia’s about to respond when she catches a glimpse of movement from the corner of her eye. She swears mentally. “Don’t look, but --Laerryn, I literally just said don’t look-- there’s a particularly unpleasant member of the Ring of Silver heading our way. If she asks you what you’re working on, lie. If she asks you if I’m forcing you to spend time with me-- well, I suppose you can predict the outcomes of either response and choose accordingly. She hates me because she knows she’s never going to be considered for the Ring of Gold, and I am.”

“Bold,” says Laerryn, the corner of her lips twitching up.

“Honest.” Patia carefully steps sideways, sliding behind a group of arguing visual artists, their over-exaggerated conversations hopefully disguising her presence. Laerryn stumbles along after her, Patia’s grip on her elbow tight.

“Are we running away?” Laerryn asks. If it were anyone else asking the question Patia would have bristled, but she knows Laerryn only means it as a sincere request for clarification.

“Perhaps a little,” she says. “I’m having such a nice night, I would hate to ruin it.”

She’s also about 75% sure that Laerryn likes her enough to defend her against antagonistic third parties, which would not go well for anyone in this particular environment.

“Ok,” says Laerryn, and then says something else that it takes Patia too long to recognize.

She takes a half step forward and is stepping onto the gravel path outside the party, far enough down that the light from the house doesn’t illuminate their presence.

“You can’t teleport,” Patia accuses her.

“I can teleport 120 feet,” Laerryn says, cheerfully, and that’s when Patia remembers handing over the spell the previous week-- an absent-minded reward for Laerryn’s latest world-shattering scientific breakthrough when Patia herself had been too far into her own project to offer attention.

“That’s meant to move potential enemies away from you,” she points out.

Laerryn nods. “Technically she is now further away from us.”

Patia wants to lecture her on the terrible impression literally vanishing out of a party will give, but Laerryn looks so calmly pleased with herself, and the teleportation was so breathtakingly smooth --the way Laerryn casts has a terrifyingly mathematical precision and the magic suffusing her entire body allows for perfection every time-- that all Patia can do is laugh.

“Adaptable,” she says. “I like that.”

“Give me more spells,” says Laerryn immediately. “See what happens.” Shatter

[magicbench]

~*A small update !*~

[copy/paste from KS’s update]

Hello everyone !

How are you doing these days ? Spooky season is past behind us and soon will be the holidays for those who are celebrating.

In the meanwhile, I have some update and a message from Cirro the writer for you :

"Hello everyone! This is an update by Cirro, the writer for Colors of Fate.  Unfortunately the last roughly 2 months have been pretty rough for me, as I contracted Corona in October and dealt with horrible exhaustion as a lasting after-effect, even after I had already recovered from Corona itself. This led to me falling asleep on the couch after work routinely, to the point that anything outside of the most essential tasks, nevermind engaging in fun hobbies like watching shows or playing video games, fell to the wayside. Unfortunately, this included the writing for CoF. I simply did not have the energy to do anything. My life consisted of work, getting home, eating dinner, falling asleep while watching TV on the couch and then going to bed. The weekends were spent on recovery, chores and what little socialising with family and friends I could manage to do.

On top of all of this, my work situation has gotten worse to the point that while all of this was keeping me exhausted and sick, I was (and still am) actively looking for a new full time job. Negative stress like the one I am currently facing daily at work is not something that helped improve my already pretty bad health (due to Corona) overall, and I spent a long time just trying to figure out what my next course of action should be.  The good news is that I am no longer suffering from my Corona after-effects. It took way over a month to recover from them, but I am no longer held back by exhaustion.  And while I have not found a new full time job yet, I have the support of my family and have prepared everything for new job applications, etc.   Since I have a better outlook overall right now, and my health is continuing to improve, I have started writing scenes for CoF again. The goal is still to finish both Teen Phase paths (Maid and Princess) this year. I have hope that I can reach this goal, even if it may only happen at the end of December."

Take care, Cirro ! It's glad to hear you're doing better✿

As for tasks on my side, I'm done writing the french version of the compendium. I'm rewieving it and translating it this week and hopefully I'll be able to take care of all the drawings starting next week. If all goes well, I'll be able to add Cirro's work in the script early January and to finally release the compendium in both french and english toward mid or end of February 2023 ~

And I think that's all for now ! Take care and see you all next time, you got this !✦

Hello tout le monde !

Comment vous allez ces derniers temps ? La saison d'Halloween est derrière nous et ce sera bientôt les Noël pour ceux qui célèbrent.

En attendant, j'ai une mise à jour et un message de Cirro l'écrivaine pour vous :

"Bonjour tout le monde ! Ceci est une mise à jour de Cirro, l'auteure de Colors of Fate. Malheureusement, les deux derniers mois environ ont été assez difficiles pour moi, car j'ai contracté Corona en octobre et j'ai fait face à un horrible épuisement qui a duré, même après avoir déjà récupéré de Corona lui-même. Cela m'a amené à m'endormir régulièrement sur le canapé après le travail, au point que tout ce qui n'était pas des tâches les plus essentielles, sans parler de s'adonner à des passe-temps amusants comme regarder des émissions ou jouer à des jeux vidéo,  a été mis de côté. Malheureusement, cela incluait l'écriture pour CoF. Je n'avais tout simplement pas l'énergie de faire quoi que ce soit. Ma vie consistait à travailler, rentrer à la maison, dîner, m'endormir en regardant la télévision sur le canapé, puis me coucher. Les week-ends ont été consacrés à la récupération, aux tâches ménagères et au peu de socialisation que je parvenais à faire avec ma famille et mes amis.

En plus de tout cela, ma situation de travail s'est aggravée au point que, même si tout cela m'épuisait et me rendait malade, je cherchais (et je suis toujours) activement à la recherche d'un nouvel emploi à temps plein. Le stress négatif comme celui auquel je suis actuellement confrontée quotidiennement au travail n'a dans l'ensemble pas contribué à améliorer ma santé déjà assez mauvaise (due à Corona) dans, et j'ai passé beaucoup de temps à essayer de comprendre quelle devrait être ma prochaine ligne de conduite. La bonne nouvelle est que je ne souffre plus de mes séquelles Corona. Il m'a fallu plus d'un mois pour m'en remettre, mais je ne suis plus ralentit par l'épuisement. Et même si je n'ai pas encore trouvé de nouveau travail à temps plein, j'ai le soutien de ma famille et j'ai tout préparé pour de nouvelles demandes d'emploi, etc. Comme j'ai une meilleure perspective générale en ce moment et que ma santé continue de s'améliorer, j'ai recommencé à écrire des scènes pour CoF. L'objectif est toujours de terminer les deux parcours Teen (Maid et Princesse) cette année. J'ai bon espoir de pouvoir atteindre cet objectif, même si cela n'arrivera qu'à la fin du mois de Décembre."

Prends soin de toi Cirro ! Je suis contente de savoir que tu vas mieux, courage✿

Quant aux tâches dont je m'occupe de mon côté, j'ai fini d'écrire la version française du compendium. Je le relis et le traduis en anglais cette semaine et j'espère pouvoir m'occuper de tous les dessins à partir de la semaine prochaine. Si tout se passe bien, je pourrai ajouter le travail de Cirro dans le script début Janvier et enfin finir et sortir le compendium en français et en anglais vers mi ou fin Février 2023 ~

Et je pense que c'est tout pour le moment ! Prenez soin de vous et à la prochaine ! ✦

[passiveagressiveukulele]

A suitcase once packed is never really unpacked

A day after we wrapped I went home to Croatia to renew my passport. On this 10 day mini holiday I got to reflect on the work I’ve done this semester and how I wish to move forward.

Going into film school I was pretty set on becoming a director. What I didn’t realise is that I wanted to direct a specific kind of films - the kind that don’t usually involve actors or many of the other crew members. A 10 ten experimental film course I did the summer before the first year of uni re-routed my cinematic aspirations. Irrevocably.

During that course I started turning my attention more towards camera and editing- I always shot and edited my films not because I had a dying need to be in control of these departments but because I never found a collaborator I could rely on to take over these departments. But then it hit me - I actually really enjoy being in control of these departments! To hell with it - I am rebranding halfway through film school - I shall pursue cinematography and editing!

But having done a few shoots in the camera department now I’m not so sure I enjoy image making for fiction. I thrive in uncertain and unpredictable environments. I use the camera to notice and to note down. I’m never more alert and more creative then when I look through the viewfinder. It hits me again - documentary is the name of the game.

And I'm not even talking about the kind of pure documentary that gets made over the course of 10 years. Having worked on a BTS TEDx Documentary I realised I enjoy even the more commercial, TV reportage kind of docs. And the experience I gained from this particular event is realising that being a documentary cinematographer entails a completely different skillset. It requires patience to let the action unfold and keep rolling until something usable happens. At the same time, it requires speed because things will only ever happen once and to capture it you need to turnover quickly, even if it's out of focus for the moment. Discretion is needed, but so is persistance if you want to follow your story through.

I think I work best in an unpredictable environment and I believe that comes from using the camera as a form of socialisation, or maybe better anti-socialisation. The viewfinder is my way of peering into the world, but also keep at a safe distance from it.

The wonderful thing about documentary is that it offers so much freedom in the edit. Rhythm comes from surprising places. More technical mistakes are tolerated, but so are more bold, experimental choices.

Don't get me wrong - I think that learning as many different skillsets as possible will make you that much more competent in any given situation (and also that much more employable), but I do believe that certain areas of film (and thank god that there are so many to choose from) work better for certain personality types. I think I discovered what mine is.

Having nearly finished the TEDx task and starting on a new promo doc on Agitate gallery this Friday I think I can slowly start thinking ahead about the next 'pure documentary' thing I will embark on. And this one is building on my questions about cultural identity once more but this time it's reframing them in relation to the Scottish landscape and my grandpa.

So here are a few things that have been inspiring me this past semester in pursuing this idea and not letting it drown in the pile of stress I've been experiencing lately.

1. Untold Tales by Rajko Grlic

My mum discovered this Croatian director and went down the fangirl rabbit hole. She bought his new book as soon as it went on presale. When I went home she gave me no choice but to read it. Grlic graduated film directing in Prague and started making feature films in the last few years of existing socialist regime and when Yugoslavia fell apart he was deemed a traitor and Serb lover - he was given no choice but to flee his country. He built a stable career for himself abroad but Croatia kept calling back. He still makes films in his homeland and about his homeland, and just how absurd and sad the whole situation is. I found the book very emotional and had to stop halfway through when he asked the question: "I don't know if my homeland is in my suitcase or if my homeland is where my suitcase is."

2. ZagrebDox

Another one I owe to my mum is getting us tickets for the short programme of ZagrebDox film festival. I am usually never around for this festival, but this year I got lucky. We saw three short films, very different in subject matter and style, but the one that stuck out to us the most was Scenes with my father by Biserka Suran, a part Croatian and part Dutch filmmaker who was evacuated to the Netherlands when the war broke out. Her father never spoke to her or her sisters about this and the lack of communication around the subject imposed generational trauma on the girls. In this film she tries to make sense of the situation the best she can and find an answer to the same question Grlic has: where is my homeland and what can I call my homeland?

3. Mila Turajdilic talks

The Scottish Documentary Institute and the French Institute hosted two events in the last week which both featured this prominent Serbian director, first as a moderator and then as a guest speaker. Over the past decade she has been dealing with Yugoslavian archive and I was interested in hearing about her approach as I have been raiding my own family's archive from back when they were communist. Her presentation was unlike anything I've ever seen before - it was performance art. The whole time she had her back turned and we could observe her face on the big screen while she was silmoutaneously showing us her findings. For the first time in my life I saw the images of my parents' and grandparents' past. For the first time I heard what comrade Tito actually sounded like. She gave me access to a part of history that has been institutionally hidden from me whilst also giving me tools on how to proceed with my own archive and consider my position, my story, when faced with it.

4. Cloud photography

Remember that time I was fangirling about photography and how it's been a revelation for me this semester... Well for my copyright class I decided to write about it, the complex issue of whether or not photos should be copyrightable - don't get me started otherwise I will really go off on a tangent. Anywho, one of the articles blew my mind - I know right, who thought that academia could be kind of...fun? So the article was basically tracing the work of Alfred Stieglitz in relation to Walter Benjamin and his aura and essentially suggested that clouds are a type of aura hanging above photographs. The last sentence is totally unnecessary for my practice, I'm just proving to myself I can summarise the reading. In fact what was really fascinating about that reading is that in 18th century cameras couldn't expose for landscape and skyscape at the same time. The two fields had to be taken as separate images and stitched together after they had been developed. Meaning... the horizon line disappeared. Since my whole project is about my relationship to the landscape it gave me some real funky ideas on how I can stitch the landscapes of the two countries together. Theory doth inform art practice indeed.

5. Unbalanced aspect ratio

I first saw this technique in the Todd Haynes documentary about the Velvet Underground, but then saw a similar concept when I was in the Fruitmarket gallery. I really liked things being off centre and perhaps paired with an additional negative space - be it a photograph or just a colourful block. I already started to implement this into my other project I have been working on (the film letters I send to my film pen pal each month) and it's really nice seeing how subtracting from the frame can be just as impactful as instilling another frame into a frame (which is the technique I have always favoured).

So yeah... this is the kind of stuff that keeps me from imploding and reminds me why I can't live without this medium.

More on inspo after the biggest and most important weekend of the year. And no, I'm not talking about Coachella. I'm referring to the only experimental film festival in the country - Alchemy Film Festival!!!

[rewritingtrauma]

SAY 'TIRED' AGAIN... I DARE YOU

*Deep Breath*

Since developing an - as yet undiagnosed - fatigue and heart condition back in November last year I have been somewhat surprised by the number of people who have said things to me like "everybody's tired", "I'm tired too" and "You'll feel better for some rest". I think it is really important to make a distinction between tired and fatigued and to underscore why this is important...

We are, almost all of us, familiar with tired. Some more so than others (shout out to the parents, guardians and care givers in the virtual reading room). Everything in contemporary, capitalist, consumerist society is tiring - Work is tiring, relationships are tiring, chores are tiring, social media and politics are tiring... Tired is a very familiar feeling. The problem I have with people equivocating what I'm experiencing with tired is that "tired" passes. Tired can generally be relieved with the right amount of rest, sleep, or even a holiday - if that luxury is available to you. We get breaks from "tired": when you are engaged in an activity which energises you (for me it used to be gardening, walking, cycling, creative play and/or socialising); when you drink a can of IRN BRU; or when you have a scintillating conversation. There are breaks in the cloud of tired. One of the main differences between "tired" and "fatigued" is - there is no alleviation from fatigue. This is cloud world with constant, sometimes severe, storms of mental confusion. Fatigue is to tired what the perpetual motion machine is to walking a slinky down the stairs... Fatigue... just... keeps... going...

So when people replace "fatigue" with "tired" I feel like my experiences, my whole life in fact, are being minimised. I am not just tired. I am fatigued. The things which used to bring me joy and energy, the things which used to bring relief from feelings of tired, now deplete me. Even a 10 minute walk these days can drain me as much as a day of spreadsheets used to in the past. One example of how fatigue has completely altered the landscape of my life: As someone whose only mode of transport is a bike (a decision made intentionally to benefit me physically, financially and to have less impact on the environment) - it has been devastating to experience the fatigue and dizziness escalate to such a degree that I can't cycle even a mile down the road. Six months ago, before the fatigue, I was averaging 90 miles a week. And I was tired then, most of the time. Not fatigued. Now, I can't even cycle to the shops. In February I had to stop working because the combined fatigue<>brain fog<>dizziness made me incapable of being upright for a whole shift (let alone move things, complete tasks, or be a useful and communicative human being). Nowadays, cooking a meal can take up my entire energy budget not just for that day, but for the following 72 hours. When we are tired, we can usually perform some basic, menial tasks. When we are fatigued, simple things like doing the laundry or making a coffee become herculean feats, often with energy hangovers afterwards.

Language matters, words matter - because it is only through words we can convey some limited sense of our lived realities, it is only through language that we can connect, commune. If this new health situation has taught me anything - it is the importance of listening to, and hearing, the words which others use to describe themselves and their experiences. To mirror those back to them. Or, if I do not understand, to ask. So please, pretty please, if I say 'fatigue' don't say 'tired'.

With love, humility and exhaustion,

Iris

xxxxxx

[strawberryjampls]

I’m feeling anxious about my life

A little background on me: I’m a 20 year old uni student. I’ve been overweight for most of my life, I’ve had acne since I was a preteen and glasses since I was five. I’ve always been scatterbrained, but I used to be a straight A student until highschool. I somehow managed to scrape by with high grades even though I’d stopped working consistently and putting in effort into studying, I’d just cram before exams and waste my life away on the internet, doom scrolling and eating my feelings. That didn’t cut it in university, so I had to start all over again, wasting two whole years of tuition money and time. I have never had a serious irl relationship or a stable group of friends. I just didn’t put effort into them, I was never really taught to socialise since I was isolated from my peers until I started school. I never really had aspirations, career or otherwise, most of the time I just wonder why I’m even alive if I have no interest in life as I live it. I have a rocky relationship with everyone around me, especially my family. I’m unemployed, with no offers or internship opportunities because I never bother to network.

In short, I am a failure in every single sense of the word. Lazy, unambitious, privileged and ungrateful. Unattractive, spineless, unwilling to work.

I suppose I could blame my parents, or my environment. The mean teachers I had, the kids who belittled me and didn’t want to befriend me, the cold society to the country I moved to for university the very first time. But people who want to overcome such things, do so. I was expected to be a diamond in the rough and I tried to wear that mask for the longest time, lying to myself to make myself feel better about my failures. But here I am. Faced with reality. After two comsequitive weeks of lying to everyone and skipping all of my lectures, not studying and binging on a ridiculous amount of food, I have to fucking look in the mirror and admit it.

I have failed myself. And the only person I have to blame is me. I’m the problem.

Now I’ve got two choices:

I can either pity myself, mope, delude myself into self destruction until the day my parents die, the money runs out and I’m left homeless, alone and faced with the sight of an obese unemployed failure who chose to sit on her ass and whine like an idiot her whole life.

Or

I can fix it.

I can force myself to go to those fucking lectures, do all the work, break my back and get those grades that I need, lose that fucking weight, own up to my failures and improve, move forward.

I’m not a helpless soul who has to be a blood sucking parasite and survive by latching onto another person’s success and hard work. I’m a human being. Not a child but a grown woman.

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

Okay so I’ve been going through mental hell the entire day

I fell asleep after getting home because I just

Wasn’t capable of watching something yet

Since waking up I’ve prayed and managed to eat Iftar and then prayed Magrib

And since then I have been stuck sitting on my bed and I think maybe I need to vent this out

Tw: PTSD symptoms/trauma and mental health discussion

Okay!

So this is what I mean when I say PTSD is a physical disability (and this is my experience it’s probably mixed somewhat with whatever other issues I have)

No sleep! Lack of sleep!

Mental noise

(Wait it gets worse)

Flashbacks to traumatic events

Can’t stand or walk

Can’t breathe (I’m literally having to remind myself right now every 20 seconds to BREATHE)

Throwing up

Cold symptoms! Yes you can work your entire body into a faux fever doing this! Currently I’m shivering shaking and rocking while it feels like my veins are turning into fire

Headaches

Can’t think due to mental noise - hence can’t function

I’ve attempted to eat but that has a 50/50 chance of coming back up as I mentioned before and typically you lose your appetite anyway!

A LOT of crying (only I am such a repressed person I get an overdose of the other symptoms and no crying)

Hallucinations!

Extreme exhaustion (read: nap earlier)

How are these disabling? In case you haven’t figured it out

You can’t do ANYTHING while dealing with the slew of symptoms here and these can crop up on their own unprompted by environment! I cannot stand breathe or walk, I can’t socialise so I can’t seek help! I can’t go to friends and ask for help! I can’t work! I can’t study! Clean! Can’t take care of my house and space! I can’t speak (somehow I’m managing to write this purely because it’s venting and also text is easier but it’s a lot like screaming inside your own head) I cannot do basic acts of self care all I can do

Is lie here

And scream inside my head :D

I could scream outside of it, the house is empty except for me, but pfft did I mention the repression?

Okay so why am I making this post?

Because I went 22 years before seeing a therapist and have them confirm what I was too polite and repressed to check which is whether I have ptsd or not

I can’t give you a formal diagnosis, hell even my therapist can’t give me one, that comes from a psychiatrist which can mean going through hell and high water

I’m telling you this so that you can know 1. You don’t need a formal diagnosis to get help and 2. If you fit all of these categories and have these symptoms and you DON’T have PTSD, you have some other mental disability?

Screw it it’s still a disability which means you’re still suffering which means you deserve to know YES THAT IS A BROKEN SOMETHING YOU’RE WALKING ON AND YES YOU SHOULD BE SCREAMING SHOUTING AND KICKING IT’S COMPLETELY OKAY AND NORMAL TO RESPOND TO PAIN THAT WAY

You are disabled

Give yourself a break

And I’m writing this for myself a little bit but I’m a stubborn idiot so I don’t listen but I’m hoping if Future Me sees this she remembers it for a future meltdown.

Anyway

If you’re feeling like this if you have any of these symptoms I’m really sorry and here’s a list of things that sort of could possibly help:

Focusing on breathing (in for 6 secs, hold for 7, out for 8)

If you can move, change into your cosiest clothes immediately and get into bed.

Turn on something you love to watch. You don’t need to watch it it just needs to be on, replace the mental noise

Have art or images to look at to help relax, save them for days like this

Huddle up in your bed. Don’t touch the phone, scrolling can only numb or distract but it can’t help you move through the pain

I personally have some physical habits? I don’t know if this works for everyone but I drum my fingers on my temples or I lightly knock on my temples, both sides, while rocking

If you have a stim or some physical habit that soothes, go for it

Try to avoid active self harm, passive (not eating or caring for yourself) is not good but it’s not horrible, you can self care after you reach the other side of the war zone.

Have a code word to text to a trusted friend or family member so they know without much explanation that you are sick (because you are! You are very very sick and it’s amazing you’re still standing and I’m super proud of you for staying alive!)

Remember the self harm tip? If you’re in a way worse position and considering something worse, self harm is fine as suicide prevention. This is a weird and risky thing to say but while it’s not a good coping mechanism and last resort, it is still one and it’s better than ending everything. Please try to exhaust every option before reaching this one

Call in sick. No really, call in sick this is worse than a cold, your own brain is turning against you. If you don’t have the privilege of calling in sick as I so often don’t, make sure someone you trust knows how sick you are (either at work or outside of it) to support you and help you through your day

If you live with family then they take on what you can’t. Cooking, cleaning, if you trust them enough then ask them to take care of you too

Hallucinations? Play something grounding, sleep with the lights on or keep all the lights on, have someone you trust with you (online, irl, family or friend) to ground you. Think Peeta in The Hunger Games, you need your Katniss and Finnick to tell you “real or not real”.

Yes it is horrible and yes some of this can feel humiliating and scary especially being so vulnerable and needing so much help, that’s the sucky part of the disability thing, it’s chronic it’s continuous and I’m sorry babes but we’ve just gotta deal with it and you WILL survive this I promise it’s just gonna hurt a hell of a lot first

[jess-moloney]

"There was a blog on tumblr somewhere where the person made a post about working on the Kevin Costner film "Horizon". And specifically about working around Jamie. They posted some details about what he was like. They said he very much kept to himself and didn't really socialise outside of the work. Mentioning he would isolate himself in his hotel and didn't even turn up to the wrap party."

He does seem like an introvert to some extent. There are events you can tell he loves and will go to if invited. You can tell he enjoys fashion shows. He has attended a lot. Also, if he is around people he is comfortable with then you see a difference. He would have Sam with him at events or when he was at interviews/award show/conventions with Joseph. With the cast of Stranger Things, he made connections as he felt comfortable. He probably did not feel comfortable with a lot of people on Horizon. Also, I thought it odd she posted a story about the movie when the trailer came out. I noticed as opposed to Stranger Things he didn't post about it. Is this another thing she may have advised him to do?

I am an introvert and rarely goes places. But if it is something that I love or will excite me, then I will go to hang out or a movie. Or if it is with someone I trust. If not, then forget it. There has to be a comfort level. If you notice since he has been with Jess, he is more introverted. Not saying his exes were the best, but you can tell he enjoyed going places while with them. With Jess there seems to be this isolation. Also, Jamie probably did not want to jeopardize his sobriety as who knows if there was alcohol on set. In addition to being vegan. I am sure with that environment there was nothing but meat eating. So I don't blame him for keeping to himself. Again, to ask if she does have a hand in his career now why have Jamie take this role? I feel a lot of decisions made are coming from her for some reason.

You raise very good points here. All of them. He could also be the type who is...I'm not exactly sure how to explain it. An introverted extrovert. I think if his social anxiety were that bad in general he wouldn't handle fans and conventions as well as he does (or do so many of them). He may not have social anxiety at all he just doesn't have the energy/social battery that he needs or wants to do them. For example: I would not consider myself an introvert. I have no social anxiety going into new situations or dealing with new people but (a lot of times) I don't have the desire or motivation to do so. This doesn't necessarily equate to social anxiety is what I'm saying. Or even a level of comfort. He could have been perfectly comfortable and fine around everyone on the set of Horizon (while working with them) but not the desire or motivation to be around them all of the time because of the reasons you said. Nothing in common with them or being around meat/booze things like that. It's kind of hard to tell because there are so many possibilities. I've had jobs and co-workers I loved, while I was at work, but hell if I wanted to go to parties with most of them.

As for the rest of it, Jess does seem to be the differing factor in his history. For the entirety of his fame, he's been a very certain way. Flamboyant, somewhat masculine, somewhat feminine, fluid, eccentric, pretty/handsome, stylish, eccentric, and all in a way that was organic and natural.

Jess comes along and he drops that entire personality and style for something very hard masculine with no fluidity. It seems extremely unlikely he'd get to the age of what, 32? 33? Being the entire way he's always been then randomly without any influence from anyone does a total 180 from where he was to what he's become. The only new person in his life that we know does nothing but hang around him all day and night is Jess.

It's more than reasonable to assume she's driving this and he's changing for whatever reason. Maybe she's threatened to leave him if he doesn't do exactly what she wants. Maybe she preys on his fears of abandonment. Maybe she's really scary and abusive and threatens or hurts him if he doesn't listen to her. Maybe she gaslights the hell out of him and has convinced him that only she knows what's best. Whatever the case, the change came after Jess, not when he was alone, not before, and he was never like this dating anyone before. Yes, he did seem to mirror their style in some capacity but he did not change his personality, stop talking to fans, or act like a beaten puppy on a leash.

[greypentachoron]

The thing about having sheltered over 300 cats and living with 13 of them is that CLEARLY some cats are neurodivergent but like... Not in a human way.

Cats overall have behaviors that can be similar to human autism, but that's common for their species. We have to pick the overall cat behavior and consider outliers to think about neurodivergent cats.

And I'm not talking about depression, anxiety or PTSD related to trauma, those are basically obvious when you foster a cat with a difficult past, I'm talking behaviors that even in a healthy environment they just Are That Way. I'm gonna add a break down here if you wanna hear more about my experiences, and I welcome anyone who have cats (or any other pet, really) with neurodivergent behaviors to share their experiences too because this is fascinating for me.

I'm gonna start with my first case of "huh. This cat is... Not what I expect." I sadly don't have pictures of him anymore, but I promise the next ones will have pictures as payment for a long post.

Paçoca was found inside a dumpster barrel as young as 2 weeks old. Back then I was fostering a momma cat who had just given birth, and when I introduced him to her she decided "yep, long lost baby. Come on in"

Other than having enough fleas to drain him in a day he was healthy and full of energy. I dewormed him, gave him flea meds and he was fed and taken care of, but he didn't... Know how to socialise with other cats. His adoptive siblings were around his age, they tried playing, but the little dude was just confused by the whole thing and usually ran to hide from them. He meowed loudly towards every cat, those throaty meows cats usually do during heat even before his sexual maturity (and he was spayed very early on).

We checked his ears and eyes and he was fully healthy. He showed happiness by wagging his tail like a dog, and loved to play tag like one even though he never interacted with a dog ever. When he tried to interact with other cats when he felt secure enough, most of them interpreted his mannerisms like a threat because of the throaty meows, the intense stare, wagging tail and running after them. He was never trying to attack, mind you, when he got near his newest cat fascination he tried licking, headbutting, grooming... I am not sure how his life was before he was 2 weeks old, but he had most of his major kitten sociability milestones around a healthy mom and siblings. He was just a weird lil dude I guess.

This little lady is Pompom. She came after Paçoca, but I haven't figured out cat behaviors back then and she was the most striking. She's very aggressively set in routines, cats usually are but it physically pains her to leave her routines. When I lived in my older house she would go to the kitchen window to greet my neighbour everytime he came from work. She hisses and growls at the doorbell because she knows it's something different. When I changed her eating behaviors after she got healthy she would not eat and I had to keep doing the same exact steps for a long while and reducing the "tradition" bit by bit until she was comfortable.

Let me elaborate on that. When she had liver issues I gave all the cats their food while she waited patiently even though she hated the fancy food she was eating, I filled her bowl on the kitchen counter, called her name, we walked towards my bedroom, I closed the door and let the good down. Everyday, three times a day. It took me six months to ease her into the new routine, took me over a year to ease her OUT of the routine. She would not eat if the steps were wrong, she starved herself. Sometimes she was making progress and then remembered her routine and "nope, I don't think I will eat with the door open today"

Starting a new job and moving houses was (and still is, as far as I'm seeing) a terrible experience to her. She became EXTREMELY dependent and desperate for attention. She sleeps on my arms like a baby after these changes, won't eat if me or my mom are not around and she hisses and hates other cats in her personal space. She became extremely antisocial with other cats after my life changed and, sadly, even with a vet accompanying her about her behaviors, nothing changed. She's now a very lonely cat when she was very social, but I'm letting my other cats around her more often bit by bit to open her up to her cat social life again.

I'd like to just add "that's Pirate, he's a baby, next" but you wouldn't understand how much neurodivergent this cat is.

Pirate Does Not Understand he's not a kitten. He has the manners of a kitten and he's been living with me for two years already. He was at least 5 months old when I rescued him and he lived with a small gang of strays. Zero self protection, no social cues, nothing.

This cat was rescued because he and his gang were stealing food from the kitchens of TWO local restaurants, people were throwing beer (drink AND bottles) on them, and I heard the neighbours talk about poisoning food to leave for them. The gang was easier, I just had to move them from the streets to our colony where they get cat food three times a day, but Pirate has this funny defense mechanism... When he feels threatened he SCREAMS. Also he kept trying to eat trash bags, but the screams are a menace.

Rain? He stands there, in the rain, and yells. Car noise? Stands and yells. Cat approaching? Yell. He doesn't move, and more than once I had to run during the rainy season to search for this silly little cat who was arms deep on a puddle yelling because woe is me. I was drenched like I just went swimming wearing clothes. He's a disaster.

And, as I said, he's a Baby. He sees other cats and he wants to play like a kitten, he wants to be groomed. He doesn't partake in the give-and-take of adult cat behavior because he Is A Baby. He meows on every cat's face begging for grooming like a tiny little kitten. He tries cuddling with other cats and knows no boundaries of personal space with other cats. He just wants to cuddle, nuzzle, pile on top, if you've seen a kitten with an adult cat, that's him.

And the last one is Rosemary. First of all he's afraid of wet food. Deadly afraid, sees wet food and runs away so quickly he slides on the floor. I've never. Ever. Saw anything similar. I know cats that don't care about it, but he FLEES. He and his mom are with me since his birth. No trauma on this little head. I tried many brands, tried many recipes of homemade wet food, and he is TERRIFIED of it. If there's no dry food he won't eat. He also does chirping noises instead of meowing to cats, and I know he can meow because he meows to me. The chirping seems to be an uncomfortable warning, a "leave me alone", and he is very nonconfrontational with other cats unless there's bullying. He WILL attack the bully to defend the other cat.

Any other social cues related to cat behaviors? None. Nada. He grooms himself and me when I pet him, but he is scared of others grooming him, and is afraid of his own cat mom. My cats are not aggressive or territorial with each other, so I'm not sure where this fear comes from. He also wags his tail to show happiness even though he never met Paçoca, full wag and not point of the tail flickering, so I'm not sure what to make out of it. I don't have much to say about him, but honestly he's a weird and finicky little dude. It's almost as if he's a little alien who tried to get cat behavior right but everything is kind of off.

Everything the other cats do is confusing, cat weed is terrifying, he doesn't like drinking water from bowls but he is confused how sinks and fountains work, plants are weird--- I see him struggle with normal concepts for cats and I'm not sure why, but my cat son needs more time to process than other cats. I've interacted with enough of them to realise he's a little different, but that's fine!

And that's all I remember for now. Again, if you like please reblog with your own "my pet is probably neurodivergent" stories. I'd love to hear all about it <3

And that's feeding time missing only 3 of them, Lynx eats by the living room table, Pompom eats in the bedroom and Maia is starting to accompany her to see if I can socialise Pompom back after the move!

[sfmg]

1/?

I am feeling very cringe and very much struggling in an engineering university that I am in right now, and I MUST get to a better one. For that I need to do well here and do a lot of extra stuff so I am starting the academia 100 day productivity type thing where I write a debrief at the end of each day to say how I only did 20% of what I was planning again, but not 100 days and just indefinitely, 100 days would be just a nice milestone, BUT ALSO WITH A TWIST!

I AM EXTREMELY DUMB AND IRRESPONSIBLE AS OF WRITING THIS

I am studying aerospace engineering snd I am very unfancy. I have seen a lot of posts starting this sort of thing and watched tons of videos. People have plans and stuff figured out, extremely effective schedules and stuff and I have been miserably failing on thay front. People have cute tidy tables, lots of gadgets to help them focus, going to libraries and reading stuff. I.... have none of that. My table is a mess, I have practically given up on using textbooks, my monthly money allowance is negative, the most fancy piece of technology are my laptop and my phone(birthday gift :3), I don't even need them to be fancy right now, our university library is unavailable to study at, my dorm apartment is the size of a dumpster and full of cockroaches, and I share it with 2 other people.

I think you got the idea. I am tired of blogs with soft tidy and often rich (by my standards) study experience. I have no grudge against people who do them however, that would be dumb, I just want more representation of the raw dirty grind where my routine environment is a STALKER-like experience.

So anyways my goals are simple so far: survive the midterms and maybe be french sometimes. For that I start off small: 3 hours of out of class studying per day at least, not a lot but if I start big I will quickly flop and be ashamed of myself. 3 hours studying whatever I see fit for the day is enough for now. I believe that some accountability to strangers on the internet will help me have a bar below which I do not procrastinate and eventually grow into a more responsible hard working person. A bit of a cringe way to do that I feel, but as an engineer, a man of science, I must first "fuck around and find out" to judge the method. I am glad to say I already did study today but relatively inconsequential. Finished my physics homework (fingers crossed I won't have to redo it), did some lineal algebra homework, didn't finish it though, went through some notes on statics, rewrote homework for theoretical mechanics, does doing a bit of Duolingo counts as studying?

How the uni and dorm look like

Some background on me if you for some reason want to know how am I in aerospace engineering while being unresponsible and why I need to get to a better uni. I pretty much failed most of my school but at the last 2 years started getting good, not good enough to be accepted to Purdue or UIUC as I started getting ambitious too late. Failed to go to a community college because of unfortunate political decisions made by the assholes running my country. Now I am enrolled in the (supposedly) best engineering university of Russia and have to make my escape, because I really don't want to study engineering here. Living? We'll see in like 10 years, maybe I'll come back. I haven't seen people in a situation similar to mine but if you are one of them then I will be glad to serve as an inspiration.

I may be dumb and have severe problems with socialisation and organisation. But I know one thing about myself: I never give up and neither should you