#i am going to describe the state of being that i call: feeling unhinged | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rolling-restart · 1 year

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Hellooooo I'm back ☂️(finally lol) and I read the latest chapter of desecration on a long bus trip the other day and did take some unhinged notes in my notes app that I will now try to put together into English sentences hehe. I hope you're doing good:)

Look, first of all, you know how much I adore that work as a whole and every chapter is fascinating to me in different ways. Well, I don't always find time and above all, the energy to spam your inbox lately but I will do that with ch23 now :)

Let's talk about the absolute blast of a phone call between Nico and Seb. I laughed .-. no, I in fact, giggled at this scene - not because I'm weird (ok maybe I am) but because it just makes so much sense. This built up tension, Seb being Seb. My notes just say;

I didn’t scream at him. It was just…” “Just what?” -> FACEPALM.

You sent him like that, without informing him fully when he needed it the most-” “Now don’t you fucking dare twist it. I didn’t tell him because I respected George’s privacy.” -> FACEPALM AGAIN!! Seb is way too busy TRYING to do everything right for fucking everyone involved, he doesn't even get what he's really doing, does he? "He doesn’t need public humiliation" SCOFF, YES, Sure.

I love that. It's so *character have flaws* but in a *I am trying my best* way I can't describe. I totally went into this scene expecting them to have a bit of an argument of course and I really like your way of telling it.

He felt somehow unresponsive against the baggage Nico just casually decided to spill over except for the burning shame rising in his chest.

I loveeee this part so much. He doesn't want to burden- He doesn't want to breach privacy- He doesn't want to hurt- He wants to do this right RIGHT. Maybe it's overcompensating for the things he's said and done in the past, maybe it's just who he is in general.

He didn’t know what he expected and he knew he was supposed to feel relieved. He couldn’t dive into the past because it was just too shameful to remember things he spent so long justifying.

HM YES YES YES. You sure know how to get your characters to think. UHHH. Your sentences always hit. Sure, he's got flaws and maybe he does realise now he's selfish but aren't we all? It's so raw and I think that's why I'm always at the edge of my seat for this story. Everyone's feelings are so valid and you could spend a lot of time looking at things from different perspectives here which I adore a lot.

SECOND OF ALL, Mick and Daniel conversation - very nice indeed. The frustration that is building up in Mick is so tangible, I was almost getting into the same mood even though I know the whole picture with George and Daniel and Toto.

And Daniel worries about George again of course, ahh.

My notes only stated this if I'm being honest here:

“That’s what you all keep saying and honestly I started to get sick of it.” -> Exactly, THE WATER IS RISING. BEWARE OF OVERFLOWING PEOPLE.

Daniel’s mind seemed to be somewhere else after Mick’s last point about George. -> Story 🤝 connecting dots 👀 I am watching.

It really is getting frussssstraaaating

sksss okay.

I should move over to GALEX wouuuhhh.

How shall I start this? I think the reaction my mind produced when reading this paragraph sksss.

Was he really thinking that he was so deep that there was no reason to try climbing up? Would an act of progress, one step in the right direction make a difference?

Okay phew. 😃 LET'S GO. YES I'll be your cheerleader Georgie 😩

It was all thinking from Alex’s point of view, of course.

Oh. Oh? OH!! 😳

According to George, eating wouldn’t be a step in the right direction. He was already abandoned, scarred beyond belief and there was indeed no way to climb back up.

AH the intrusive bad horrible terrible thoughts have arrived. Yeh yeah try to tell that to yourself, George!

Nevertheless what Alex thought mattered to him, somehow. It could be pride, it could be caring but even if he died, he wanted to die without offending Alex. It was pointless because nothing actually mattered in that case but George still couldn’t let go of that crumb of dignity he had somewhere inside him.

I totally view this as some weird ass progress in the right direction. I know it's not the healthy way to look at things. Of course not. But I cannot help but feel like it's so important that George has these feelings about Alex, a lifeline somehow.

Even though we go back to this:

The disappointment of the sincere people who cared about him felt even worse. That wasn’t the most horrifying part, though. If Alex reacted to him like this, he didn’t want to think of the occasion he had to face everyone else who cared about him. That was something he couldn’t handle.

After facing the meal. There's so muchhhhh in this scene it hurts my brain in a good way. Alex is being such an amazing friend I would've shed a tear if I hadn't been in public.

AND of course, speaking of handling disappointment - WE have to talk about thisssssss:

Here it was, the anticipated expression of disappointment written all over Alex’s face. George almost felt relief. It was familiar, known. It wasn’t like whatever the hell happened in his brain only seconds ago.

Ahh it hurts to see him welcoming it like an old friend when simultaneously he doesn't want to see the disappointment on ALEX. He doesn't want to disappoint ALEX 😭 This inner chaos is so real and so sad.

Oh. and you know what made my heart break?

Something pooled in his chest, so long gone so forgotten. Yet it was quite short-lived when George started to feel very uneasy with the search for a familiar action.

Not knowing how to handle praise after the disappointment became his most loyal emotion. This is so wow. I kept thinking about this part of the chapter and it's so awesome how you manage to make him doubt his own reality and thoughts and it's so conflicting and I took my time processing it while reading. SO much in these few thousand words. You really cannot miss any sentence hehe.

Now now now, THE END???? Excuseee meeee.

“Do you want to live or do you want to die?”

George scoffed and a choked voice came out of his throat.

“Because if you want to die, there is nothing I can do for you.”

I was in my whole oh-my-George-oh-my-Alex-oh-my-feeeeelinggs phase already and this quote you used gave me the rest. Okay I don't mean to sound dramatic, I'm fine over here but wow how dare you be so good with words ahhh.

It was really BOOM HERE! HERE IS THE TRUTH George! Take it or leave it - I can only do so much.

THE FEELS. I won't even attempt to translate my notes for this part.

I still appreciate reading this so so much. ❤️❤️❤️

Oh god, this is such a good, comprehensive and mind-blowing message!! Thank you so much. I was going to keep it in my inbox until I started working on desecration again but here we are. Sebastian's phone call with Nico was supposed to be one long facepalm just to reiterate how terrible Seb become when he panicked! And also, in my plan, everyone's sins will be spilt onto the floor and there will be a reckoning for the smallest of the offences. Sebastian is just seeing his portion. Also him trying to do everything right in an environment where everyone has to compromise was bound to blow but I really want to see it spelt out for him! He might be trying his best but he is still selfish and he will face a reckoning for every bit of wrong he did. Yes, everyone's feelings are valid but Seb's Orwellian double-think where he is a saint somewhere and the complete villain in the other will bite him in the ass.

Mick is a very key person here. He is a much better person than all the oldies. He is very willing to help but he also has the agency of mobilising people, unlike Alex. George might be uneasy with Alex but he would be less embarrassed with Mick because they are not as close. If he only knew, Mick would be the key to everything but he is deliberately kept in the dark at the cost of stopping the bad people from hurting the vulnerable. Even though Daniel has good intentions as well, he lacks organisational thinking over his own worries and insecurities regarding being the saviour.

Galex, oh Galex... I really didn't want to use emotional ransom regarding Alex's intervention and I still feel like I can do without it but the recovery is supposed to be ugly and testing for both of them. George's self-preservation instincts are non-existent so he has to be coerced into saving himself by outside force at this point. The recovery can follow this fucked up route but it sure will be bumpy and it all depends on how much of a bad guy Alex is willing to be in this scenario. Honestly, unlike many people, I have very little sympathy for George and I am not planning to make things easier for him. And if Alex wants to join the ride, things will be difficult for him as well. George doesn't care about anything but the remnants of his dignity and the love he has for his dear ones. Will this be enough to save him? The fact that the people who care about him don't know the severity of the issue, will it drive them to be more tough on George and have the opposite of the desired effect. Honestly, I know Alex is the step in the right direction for George but he is not all of the solution.

Thank you so much for your insights, it really was very useful for me to rethink the last chapter! I am glad you enjoyed it and decided to drop a comment!

#☂️#answered asks #desecration: gr/tw fic #nsfw.

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cogentranting · 3 years

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I posted a couple times last night about Prodigal Son along the lines of “how could you cancel something this delightfully unhinged” and the thing is I am 100% serious about that being one of the main appeals of Prodigal Son.

The thing about Prodigal Son is that it just doesn’t hold back. Other shows seem to have this sense of decorum that keeps them in check, keeps them from being “too much”. But Prodigal Son is totally committed to going big. They said “make it gothic” and then embraced that in everything it means.

And that’s what it is-- an updated take on Gothic fiction. The “prevailing atmosphere of mystery and terror”. It doesn’t take place in castles and ruins but it does lean on dramatic locations that pull elements from those, like Claremont evoking dungeons, Jessica’s house and the other rich people’s homes like castles and manors, Bright’s loft which is decorated with medieval weaponry, old hotels, creepy schools etc etc. All modern but bringing forward elements of those settings which give Gothic fiction its name, especially in their tendency to include “subterranean passages, dark battlements, hidden panels, and trapdoors” all of which are staples of Gothic literature.

In particular, Prodigal Son in the vein of the later Gothic tradition which merges with the romantics. Romanticism brings in the really heightened emotions and sensibilities. Characters’ feelings are hugely important and often come in out big sweeping expressions, or completely overwhelm the characters. With Malcolm all this is rooted in psychology, both in the sense of his career and in terms of his own mental health, and guess what? That’s romantic too! Romanticism has “ a heightened examination of human personality and its moods and mental potentialities” which makes it ripe for psychoanalytical criticism. And Gothic romance like Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and Bram Stoker’s Dracula really emphasize the idea of “the existential nature of humankind as its definitive mystery and terror” which is SO in keeping with a show about a forensic psychologist who chases serial killers.

Another big idea of romanticism is “a preoccupation with the genius, the hero, and the exceptional figure in general and a focus on his or her passions and inner struggles” which precisely describes the way the show frames Malcolm. In terms of art, Romanticism holds that the “creative spirit is more important than strict adherence to formal rules and traditional procedures”-- Malcolm may not be an artist but this is also a fitting description of the way that he does his work and therefore what the show values in him.

Gothic romance also has a “predilection for the exotic, the remote, the mysterious, the weird, the occult, the monstrous, the diseased, and even the satanic” which matches well with Prodigal Son’s macabre sensibilities: sensational over the top crimes, charismatic serial killers, the hobbies of characters like Malcolm and Edrisa.

And Gothic fiction is very much known for “extravagances of plot” ranging toward melodrama. Which is why Prodigal Son so often is just dialed up to 11.

Prodigal Son has taken all of these elements and embraced them wholeheartedly and unabashedly and that��s what makes it so vivid and rich and fun. The writing is indulgent, but in the way that a really rich dessert is indulgent. They know what they’re about, and they know what their fans want and aren’t afraid to give it to them. Sure this killer can create a giant trap out of falling swords! Sure this killer can use a guillotine! Sure Ainsley can be a sociopath who goes into a disassociative state and murders another sociopath. Sure we can have a new serial killer every three months. Sure Malcolm can get kidnapped by a serial killer again. All that you want and more.

But it’s that same indulgence that may have doomed it. Like a really rich dessert or a spicy food, that extra flavor that makes it so appealing is also going to drive some people away from it. Prodigal Son is very well tailored to its fans. But by being willing to commit so enthusiastically to a particular sensibility--one which delights in the extreme--it limited its mass appeal and alienated a wider audience.

tl;dr What makes Prodigal Son great is that is written in the style of Gothic Romanticism (similar to Mary Shelley or Edgar Allan Poe) but applied in a modern setting in a way that’s very different from most other shows on tv, and that it does that with all the gusto and extravagance that that style calls for, but in doing so it becomes focused on appealing to a particular palate and lessens its mass appeal.

The sources I pulled quotes from on Romanticism and Gothic fiction

#prodigal son #prodigal son meta #cogent metas #long post

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cherry-interlude · 3 years

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Backfire Lyric Breakdown

Salvatore, you can def be my baby blue

Lana references the titular lover of her track Salvatore in this song; she often calls her lover/s “baby blue”, and with her abbreviated slang speak this shows she is quite young

Be my mafiosi rock 'n' roll high

Salvatore’s name is Italian, and has ties in the criminal organisation of the Mafia which often consists of Italian-American members; Lana loves rock and roll and compares Salvatore to her favourite music, not to mention the often cool and dangerous connotations is carries

Back to Malibu in our trailer park for two

Lana likes the LA beaches, which makes sense why she would live in Malibu, but also lives in a trailer park like she did before finding fame; Lana is clearly trying to make a home for them both as the trailer park is for “two”

We're like Sid and Nancy loving the fight

Lana compares them both to Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen, a volatile couple on the punk scene; Lana may be saying she loves the turbulence of Salvatore and herself, much like Sid and Nancy’s relationship, or she may love the violence that Salvatore deals with as a Mafia member

We got a jumper

“Jumper” could reference someone committing suicide, thus being suicidal (which is why Lana states “his mind isn’t right”) or that Salvatore jumps people (attacks them unawares) whilst committing his crimes; it could also reference Lana’s song Jump, which makes heavy references to drugs – so Salvatore takes a lot of them

Got a jumper Got a jumper Got a jumper My man's crazy and his mind isn't right

Lana knows he may be dangerous and unhinged, which she often describes herself as being (“crazy”)

But I like him, fact, I love him

Lana insists she feels strongly for him, perhaps defiantly, as if proving doubters wrong (including herself)

I can't get e-enough of him He knows only I can save him tonight

Lana has the pressure on her to take care of Salvatore, either by looking after the home, working, emotional comfort or literally physically helping him, and though she is proud of this she is unhappy in the lyrics at having to wait for him to love her properly

I've been waiting on your love Baby, for too long now, too long now

Lana’s getting tired of always being there for him whilst he won’t be there for her, and emphasises this with the “too long now” to show she has been trying to be optimistic for a longer period than she should

I thought that I could change you like the others But I don't know how, don't know how

Lana has often said she is the ‘bad girl’ and ‘dangerous’ but she is never as bad as her lovers; in fact, Lana has often changed her lovers for the better, and bought good things out of them; however, Salvatore won’t change and is stuck in his ways

It's gonna backfire It's gonna backfire, baby Gonna backfire, gonna backfire, baby

Lana thinks that the relationship is going to go wrong, and all of the effort she puts in will just hurt her more afterwards; it could also reference Salvatore’s criminal activity and how he will be injured or worse

Told you a million times before Yes, I'm up for it a million more

Lana has said how much she wants more from him but he doesn’t listen; even so, Lana is going to stick with him and put herself through being essentially ignored to be with him

I'm tired of fighting you

Lana no longer “love[s] the fight” and is starting to no longer want to have to deal with it; she’s starting to see this relationship is giving her nothing

Seems like everything I do Even when I win, I lose wit' you, man

Lana could win an argument and have all the correct points, but Salvatore finds a way to dismiss her and make himself look like the victim

And it's not somethin' you choose You say trouble follows you

Salvatore’s excuse is that he has always been in trouble, and this could be because his family and upbringing tied into the Mafia

It's been like that since the day you began

This could be since his birth or since he started working in criminal gangs

We got a jumper Got a jumper Got a jumper Got a jumper I know very well you're bringing me down

Lana isn’t stupid, as she knows the relationship is toxic and bad for her; “bringing me down” could be about her low mood but also how he makes her get in trouble too

I will follow, I will follow For a little piece of heaven

Lana feels that the good parts of the relationship are good enough for her to stick around, and she wants the romantic love with him even if it means it’s mostly bad for her; Lana is a follower and does as he says, instead of being equal

I am ready, I am willing to drown

Lana has prepared herself to either be depressed from what Salvatore does or to literally ‘drown’ and suffer from his criminal ways

CHORUS

We're always taking trips downtown

Lana goes with Salvatore to bad areas where he deals in criminal activity, and she has to get involved with it

Officer Brown's always coming around Tapping on our windows, "Kids, come out Ain't no way to live, let me show you how"

The local police are trying to help, since they are both young (“kids”) and still have a chance to be normal; the windows are of the trailer park, which they appear to barricade themselves in when police arrive

But we know we're not gonna change Keep hustlin' every night and day

Lana has accepted that they are both in the criminal life now and they’ll do what they have to

I've been waiting on your love Baby, for too long now, too long now I thought that I could change you like the others But I don't know how, don't know how It's gonna backfire It's gonna backfire, baby Gonna backfire, gonna backfire, baby Done it a million times before And I'll run for it a million more

Lana will run from the law with Salvatore if she needs to, as she is now fully a criminal and has had many situations where she needs to escape and keep moving so they both won’t get caught

#lana del rey #lana del rey songs #lana del rey unreleased #backfire #lyric breakdown #lizzy grant #lana del ray #cherry-interlude

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persona-enjoyer · 3 years

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P3(The Answer)

Today kiddos, we learn about grief!

When I first saw Metis I was very what the fuck, but upon finishing the game her design makes it very obvious that she is a part of Aigis.

Being the same type of anti shadow weapon despite Aigis being “the last of her series”? check. Having the opposite color scheme? check. The fucking obvious butterfly motif? check.

Still it wasn’t until they explained that Metis was the embodiment of what Aigis wished away when she wished to be a machine again that I put these things together.

Like I saw how she was a foil to Aigis especially design wise but I had no clue what that meant. They were convinced at first that Metis was going to betray them so I was half expecting that to be the case, that she’d be like “dark Aigis” or something. I have to admit that what they actually went with is much better.

On the other hand when Metis said that the time skip had something to do with SEES I was immediately like oh because like they are stuck in grief, right?

Also the fact that the memories they saw related to their awakenings was pretty clear way before they stated it. Ken’s was first, we knew his awakening was due to his mother’s death (and more specifically the cover-up of the truth) and literally at the end of his he says that he can never trust an adult again.

That and Mitsuru’s was literally her awakening in battle to save her father like she described in The Journey but that was much later on.

It’s kind of funny, my favorite part about the flashbacks was seeing younger Mitsuru and Akihiko.

The main story already told us what happened and this was just seeing it. I guess there were more details but it just felt like there was no new information.

JK I lied I don’t feel like the main game was as clear about Junpei’s issues with his Dad. I know when he first joined that Akihiko found him freaking out and I don’t remember if they explained later why he was out late at night by himself.

So I guess Junpei’s was good.

Mitsuru’s was my second favorite because babie Mitsuru is adorable, it was cool to see that Ikutksi was unhinged so early, and I feel bad that Mitsuru awakened so young.

I thought the fact that this game is mostly battle would make me not like it because I was starting to get really tired of grinding in Tartarus but I really ended up liking it. Probably because The Desert of Doors was separated into P4-like smaller chunks of floors.

You can really see how concepts from The Answer went into later games. Like I said, The Desert of Doors is very P4-like and though I know nothing about the arena games besides the fact that they exist, the battles for the keys seem like the groundwork for that.

I was team Junpei and Koromaru by the way. I wanted to continue, not necessarily just to honor Minato’s sacrifice but mostly because if there was a way to save the world without dying than he wouldn’t have died? Also other games have had themes of accepting grim reality so I was guys, we are NOT going to the past.

However the final door cutscene made a lot of things click. Mostly why the fandom calls Minato door-kun. Also the complication that Nyx (and be extension death) is not bad or malevolent but just is. The problem is that those with this gift of life still wish for death (embodied by Erberus).

The conclusion of the game that your bonds with others are what makes life worth living as well as a way to deal with life’s hardships is very on brand for this series and very good.

I also appreciated Yukari’s arc. She grieved for Minato the hardest it seems. I was happy when she admitted she was being a bitch but it was just because she had not accepted Minato’s death and was jealous that Aigis inherited his power. While it was good writing and made sense as someone struggling with grief there were several times in the story that I was like “Yukari, can you fucking chill?” so it was very fulfilling to see her come to the conclusion that her behavior was a product of her grief and to end on friendly terms with Aigis. It was kind of like Junpei’s arc in the main game where I started being like “I logically understand why you are like this but you’re still annoying” to “aww baby, baby with character development!”

Also can we talk about Mitsuru’s speech to Yukari at the end. You were there at my darkest moment so I swore that I would stand by your side??? *trying to make it less gay* isn’t what that what your bonds with all your friends here are for, to help you through life’s hardships?

Like Yukimitsu shippers get your breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

Also good message but I am shipping trash at my core.

The only thing I was not a fan of at the end was Aigis’ fake out death.

I was like, they are not going to play the “protag dies” card twice in the same game, you can quit playing now.

The idea of Aigis literally coming to life was very cool though.

Also congrats game on very nearly making me cry. Like Minato protecting them forever??? chokes me up just thinking about it.

#p3 #p3fes #p3 playthrough #the answer #the answer spoilers #long post #like loooong post

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oswildin · 4 years

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Chaos ~ Dhawan!Master x F!Reader

~ This is officially my first request! Yay! Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy. We all love a bit of a chaotic ship, it turned a bit sadder than intended but I hope you enjoy! ~

Summary: You’d lost everything. Your whole world changed. You’d lost hope. When one broken soul meets another, mix in a little chaos, and it’s one hell of a ride.

Request - Hi! I've never requested something from anyone before but I just finished reading your Dhawan!Master x Reader stories and I fell in love! Could I request one where Dhawan!Master's companion is the reader and they're both crazy and having a grand old time ruining the world together? It could also be cool if you throw in Thirteen and/or the fam trying to reason with the reader and it just not working out. Thank you, I can't wait to see what amazing things you write next!😊 ( @yourlocalspacebisexual )

Warnings: None except maybe some sadness.

(Y/N) had lost everything.

What was the point anymore?

The one person she adored. Loved. Craved... Gone.

It was during an accident at work... But she didn’t believe it. He worked in an office, for gods sake, what accident could possibly happen there except maybe accidentally stapling your hand?

It was the same day there were reports of sightings of strange creatures... Big metal robots...

It was no coincidence. (Y/N) wasn’t stupid, she remembered the attack a few years back with similar creatures. She was one of the few that didn’t believe the cover stories. None of them made sense.

It wasn’t fair.

(Y/N) sat at her dining room table, her eyes focused on the piping hot cup of tea in front of her. Nothing felt real anymore. Everything moved slow.

It had been 4 months. And it seemed like everyone had forgotten about him. Everyone except her.

Suddenly she was brought back to reality as she heard a crash from her back garden. She didn’t even react instantly. She slowly got up, heading through the kitchen to the back door. It was dark out, just passing 7pm on the clock as she reached for the handle, hesitantly opening the door.

(Y/N) switched on the garden light, as it illuminated the area. She peered our, her eyes scanning around as she saw nothing. She shrugged to herself before going to close the door, when she heard it again.

She reached back behind her, grabbing whatever was closest, which was an umbrella she’d left on the kitchen side. She held it up in defence as she stepped out.

“I’m giving you 5 seconds to leave, or I’m calling the police.” (Y/N) called out, her heart beginning to race. She could feel her blood pumping as she awaited whatever was outside to get her.

Her breath caught in her throat as she was suddenly faced with what she could only describe as a large green monster. She gasped as she fell back, tripping over her own foot as she jumped in surprise. She hit the cold hard floor as she looked up at the creature. It had a long neck, large black eyes with a small mouth and nose and giant claws.

It went to reach for her, lifting it’s arm in the air as there was another sound. Almost... electronic? Laser sounding. The creature turned to dust right before her eyes as she felt her chest rise and fall quickly. She looked down at the pile of ash in front of her as she quickly pushed herself off the floor, once again grabbing the umbrella holding it up as she finally saw who had killed the being.

“I just saved your life, and you’re threatening me?”

(Y/N)‘s wide eyes saw a man, with tanned skin, dark hair and beard, wearing a purple over coat as he held a device in his hand. His expression was smug as she stared at him.

“With an umbrella at that?” He shook his head. “No wonder you humans don’t live very long.”

“Who are you?!” She exclaimed, her voice strong.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He smirked, taking a step forward as he put the device in his inner coat pocket. “I know who you are. (Y/N) (L/N).” She felt her heart stop for a moment as he named her. “Tragic what happened to your little boyfriend.” He tutted to himself. (Y/N) narrowed her eyes, biting her inner cheek as she took a deep breath. “What would you say, if I told you, I knew why he died?”

“Who are you?” She repeated, her tone angry.

“I’m someone who wants someone dead.” He sneered, causing (Y/N) to furrow her brows. “That same someone who didn’t save your precious boyfriend.”

Quickly after that, The Master formally introduced himself, showing (Y/N) his TARDIS and what it could do. She couldn’t help but be in awe. It was the first time in a long time she’d felt something other than despair. He’d shown her space, planets, alien life. She knew he was no saint. But who was? He was almost intoxicating. She couldn’t explain it. It was like it was just the two of them, against the universe.

“I’m ready.”

(Y/N) declared, as the Master raised a brow, pushing himself away from the console as he put his hands in his trouser pockets.

“I want to meet the Doctor.” She told him, her voice monotone as he began to smile.

“I’m already a step ahead of you.” He smirked, moving back to the console as he set in the coordinates. (Y/N) took a deep breath as she joined him at the console, her face blank of expression.

She’d been wanting... revenge wasn’t the right word... but justice. She wanted justice for what happened to her loved one. And for herself. The months she spent locked away, grieving, hating the world. She wanted to release the anger that was buried deep within.

Maybe her and the Master weren’t so different. Of course, they had their spats, he was a difficult person to get along with. He was cocky, arrogant, unpredictable... but for some reason she couldn’t say no. She couldn’t bring herself to go back... to being alone.

In a strange way, he’d been there for her. Her rock. Causing chaos... was kind of fun. She’d became someone who she never thought she would. But she didn’t know if she liked it.

“I’ve sent the distress signal. Our plan is in motion!” The Master clapped his hands together, laughing to himself. “This is going to be... wonderful.” He grinned as (Y/N) stood, holding the same weapon the Master had used on the alien when she’d first met him. “And you...” He walked over to her as she stared up at him. He placed his hands on either side of her face, cupping it. “Are going to be... magnificent.” He smiled darkly, before kissing her forehead gently. She felt her heart skip a beat, something she hadn’t felt in ages. Was she attaching herself? Was she beginning to let herself move on? Was killing the Doctor the last step?

The pair landed on Gallifrey, the Doctor and Master’s home planet. The Master gritted his teeth as he stepped back onto the planet that made him. He despised it. He despised them. As if on cue, a wheezing noise could be heard, as a blue box appeared a few metres ahead of them.

“What- so your people may not be dead?!”

(Y/N) heard a girls voice ask as the door to the box opened. A blonde woman ran out, holding a device in her hand as it scanned the area. The Master had hidden behind his ship, waiting for the right moment to appear. He had managed to disguise it as some rubble that was left over after he had destroyed his home.

“I don’t know!” The blonde woman cried as she searched widely with her eyes. (Y/N) stood, watching as the woman finally noticed her in the distance. The woman paused before rushing towards the girl. However, when she got closer, her device beeped.

“Hang on, you’re human...” The woman said, sadness in her voice. “How are you here? How did you even get here?” She questioned, her brows furrowing.

“Wait, so she’s not one of you? Time kings or whatever you’re called?” An older man asked, gesturing to the girl.

“Timelord. And no. She’s not.” The woman, sensed something was wrong.

“You’re the Doctor, I presume.” (Y/N) stated, as the four newcomers to the planet exchanged glances.

“Yes, I am. Hello.” The Doctor replied cautiously.

“And you must be her companions.” (Y/N) looked at the people behind her as they looked confused. “It’s a shame we had to meet like this.” (Y/N) moved her arm from behind her back, revealing the device the Master had given her. The four backed up instantly, as the Doctor moved in front of her friends, blocking them from harm.

“Whatever you want, whatever you need, I can help!” The Doctor exclaimed, her eyes wide.

“Can you?” (Y/N) shook her head. “Really?” She laughed lightly, tears forming in her eyes. “Because in my books, you don’t have a good track record with that.”

“What?” The Doctor gave her a confused, concerned stare. “How did you get here?”

“Oh, that would’ve been me.”

The Masters voice appeared from behind (Y/N) as he revealed himself, giving the four a finger wave. The Doctor shook her head.

“I always come back.” The Master smirked.

“But how? How can he be there? He got taken by those light aliens with Barton!” Ryan exclaimed, trying to find an answer.

“And yet here I am.” He grinned. “You can’t get rid of me that easy, Doctor.”

“What’s he promised you?” The Doctor ignored the Master, keeping her eyes on (Y/N).

“Peace.” She answered truthfully as the Doctor snorted.

“Peace?!” She repeated.

“Yes, Doctor.” The Master confirmed. “Peace. Closure. Justice.” The Doctor sent him a confused glance.

“You were there.” (Y/N) began to explain. “You were there as my boyfriend died!” She exclaimed. “You let him die. You let them take him! Turn him into a heartless machine.” She let a tear fall, her hand shaking. “He would still be here if you had saved him. Saved all of them.” The Doctor stayed silent as her companions watched in worry.

“It got me thinking... what’s the point?” (Y/N) laughed lightly. The Doctor tried to take a step forward as (Y/N) reacted, letting the laser go off by the woman’s feet. “Do not move!” The Master clapped his hands, laughing manically. The human companions eyes widened as they realised how unhinged (Y/N) was getting.

“That’s my girl.” The Master commented, a proud look in his eyes as (Y/N) breathed in deeply.

“You don’t have to do this.” Yaz chimed in, trying to reason with the fellow girl. “Whatever he’s told you, it’s a lie. The Doctor is a good person.”

“Is she?!” (Y/N) cried. “I know there’s two sides to every story, but from where I’m standing it’s hard to understand the other side.” The Master grew closer to (Y/N) as he leant forward, leaning into her ear.

“Do it.” He said quietly. “Think of your boy. Think of his pain. His agony.” He taunted her as the Doctor shook her head.

“Would he want this?” She asked. “Would he want you to become this?”

“It doesn’t matter what he would want, because he is dead!” (Y/N) exclaimed, the laser still aimed at the Doctor.

“I’m sorry!” The Doctor raised her hands. “I’m so, so sorry.” She said more quietly, her tone sincere, sad. (Y/N) looked into the woman’s eyes as she saw the pain in them. She let more tears fall as she felt her heart break.

What was she doing?

What had she become?

(Y/N) slowly lowered her arm, as the Master furrowed his brows.

“What are you doing?” He hissed at her, his anger rising.

“I can’t.” She whispered. “Causing chaos with you is one thing... but killing is another.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

The Doctor sighed in relief as her companions did the same. Yaz watched as the girl crumbled, her heart aching for her as she hesitantly approached the younger girl. She tried to calm her down as the Master bit his tongue.

“Humans. So much sentiment.” He spat.

“Is this what you’ve resorted to!?” The Doctor shook her head. “Look at what you’ve done!” She gestured around her. “You destroyed our home! Isn’t that enough?!” She laughed bitterly. “You prayed on a vulnerable human... Using her as a weapon!”

“Don’t lecture me, Doctor!” The Master hissed, snapping viciously. “Like you’re so innocent!” He narrowed his eyes. “I could say the same to you...” he paused. “You call these humans your friends... but they’re just an accessory. You fashion them into weapons and release them into the world!” The Doctor looked taken back by the Masters words, remembering Davros saying the same thing to her in her tenth regeneration.

“Well then perhaps you and me aren’t so different.” She replied quietly.

BONUS:

“I got it!”

(Y/N) cried, a smile on her face as she held the rare jewel from a far away alien planet. The Master looked at her in shock.

“How?!” He raised a brow.

“I have my ways.” She smirked as she tucked it in her pocket.

“Over there!” They heard a distant voice as they both began to run.

“You have to admit, I’m giving you a run for your money.” She commented as they ran along, heading back to the Masters’ TARDIS.

“Yeah, but you did learn from the best.” He smugly replied, setting a few paintings on fire with his laser as the aliens that inhabited the gallery began to run in fright. As they arrived at the TARDIS door, the Master turned to the guards who were holding up guns towards him.

“Oh, and one last thing before we go.” He paused. “I may or may not have detonated a bomb on the ground floor.” He grinned like a child as the guards instantly began to panic. “It’s ok, I’ll pay for any damages.” He waved his hand. “Just send the bill my way.” He quickly closed the door as they began to open fire, (Y/N) yelping as one shot through the door of the ship.

“Oh I do love to leave a lasting impression.” The Master commented dramatically as he ran to the console.

“You forgot the shields again!” She complained as the Master ignored her. She tossed him the jewel as he caught it, smirking.

“Time to get that favour we are owed.”

There was a ringing through the ship as (Y/N) gave the Master a knowing look.

“It’s her.” She commented, raising a brow. The Master rolled his eyes dramatically as he answered the old style phone that was lying on the console.

“Can I remind you we don’t need a babysitter?” The Master raised a brow as he spoke. (Y/N) laughed lightly as she knew they were going to get a telling off.

“Did you just blow up the Gallery of Callisto and steal the jewel of Vanth?!”

She could hear the Doctor shout from the other end of the phone. The Master sent (Y/N) a knowing look as she snickered to herself.

“I don’t know, I’ve blown up a lot of places and stolen a lot of things recently.” He shrugged.

“Master! I swear-“

“Sorry, you’re- you’re breaking up! Damn time vortex-“

(Y/N) laughed as the Master grinned at her, knowing that they were spending their time trying to cause as much chaos as possible, to the universe and most importantly the Doctor.

Taglist: @blamerogertaylor

#the master #dhawan master #dr who #doctor who imagine #doctor who #thirteenth doctor #13th doctor x reader #dhawan!master x reader #dhawan!master #the master x reader #master x reader #doctor x reader #request #reader insert #fanfic

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microsuedemouse · 4 years

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hhhhhhhhhhhhhwoof I hate fandom/ship drama

anyway I’ve been thinking about how. there is nothing, inherently wrong,, with being interested in exploring ships (or even non-romantic/non-sexual character dynamics!) that are unhealthy in-universe.

here’s something: there is value in recognising that a ship is unhealthy or toxic or abusive or whichever other descriptor you feel fits best. (I am going to be using ‘unhealthy’ as my umbrella word in this post; obviously it’s an understatement to call an abusive relationship ‘unhealthy’ but it’s still accurate and it encompasses the variety of things I’m talking about.) there is value in taking that as fact and acknowledging such in whatever exploratory work you may choose to create or engage in.

I wanna take a second here to clarify part of what I mean: it is not inherently wrong to enjoy an unhealthy ship, and you are not required to defend a ship as healthy/‘not abusive’ in order to justify your interest in it. this is a very weird result, imo, of purity culture and virtue signalling. when you have a healthy understanding of the difference between fiction and reality, and a recognition of what’s acceptable in reality and what’s compelling in fiction, it’s actually very worth exploring what interests and engages you about Fictional Bad Things.

you know that phenomenon where people love villains? a lot of discourse around purity culture naturally leads to the conclusion: “it is wrong to like villains.” most of us are capable of recognising that this... doesn’t make sense. because obviously, we aren’t - or at least, the great majority of us aren’t - claiming that we would like and support this person in reality, or that we would be entirely comfortable with the deeds they commit if those deeds took place in reality. we’re saying that the character appeals to and compels us for some reason, within fiction. that’s a different thing - and it’s usually a sign of good writing! it’s very worth exploring that experience: what about this villain makes you like them so much? what about them makes them relatable to you, or sympathetic to you, or perhaps even cathartic to you? these kinds of questions can offer both entertainment value and, possibly, some new insights into yourself as a person. those insights might turn out to be interesting and meaningless, or they might provide you with new ways to express yourself, or they might even offer you a new avenue for growth.

(moral purity often also extends to the conclusion ‘you shouldn’t enjoy stories in which the main character suffers, because it’s wrong to enjoy someone’s pain.’ we all know this makes no sense, because that includes most stories. a major reason human beings tell stories is to share in the emotional journey of a protagonist ultimately overcoming great obstacles. but anyway, this is a whole other issue, really.)

what I’m getting at is - the same can apply to ships. there are a few approaches to unhealthy ships, and I wouldn’t go so far as to say they stand on equal moral ground, but there are a variety of ways you might be able to explore them without it making you an inherently evil person, or whatever. it’s also worth noting that while, obviously, I’m expressing here what aligns with my moral position and encouraging you to think similarly - but, I also encourage you to think critically about your own moral positions. decide what is comfortable for you, and what feels right to engage with. it’s fine and it’s normal to draw your own lines in the sand and say, this is where the range of acceptable ends for me. I won’t support or engage with what’s on the other side.

to give a quick overview of some approaches I’m not as comfortable with: sometimes you’ll find a writer/artist/other fan who likes to depict a ship as totally healthy in a way that can only be described as out-of-character. sometimes this seems to be a denial of the actuality of the ship; I don’t like that so much because it’s often a refusal to acknowledge that their canonical behaviour/dynamic is bad. other times this is depicted as a sort of AU; this doesn’t bother me quite as much personally (often depending on what the writer’s overall attitudes seem to be) but it’s also often less interesting to me. in my experience, this is usually very self-indulgent work and has a lot more to do with the writer’s own experiences than with canon itself. which is fair, honestly. sometimes that’s cathartic for the writer and that’s enough - I don’t have to be into it personally to respect it.

another thing that crops up that’s kind of worrisome, imo, is when a writer/artist/etc. depicts the ship as in-character but denies that it’s unhealthy. now, in fairness, if you’re simply reading a fic or looking at a piece of fanart or something, you cannot always tell exactly how the creator thinks the ship actually operates. not everyone is always going to include a disclaimer that says ‘hey I don’t think this is actually Good.’ so try not to immediately ascribe intent to the writer/etc. unless you’ve seen them state outright somewhere: this isn’t abuse, it’s just cute! (or whatever it is they’re seeing.) at that point it is worth being concerned about what this person thinks constitutes a healthy relationship, and if you don’t feel good about supporting their work that’s entirely fair.

HOWEVER. there are also other approaches. two in particular stand out to me that I think are worth discussing. one is simply exploring the possibilities of an unhealthy relationship, with total acknowledgement of its flaws. one unhealthy dynamic that I admittedly find really engaging a lot of the time? ‘these two characters are Very obsessed with each other, and it sure ain’t healthy psychologically, but it’s definitely mutual.’ I love that shit. gimme a couple of unhinged, incredibly codependent pieces of shit, and you have my full attention. particularly if they’re on equal footing - if they’re damaging one another, it’s reciprocal, or at very least they’re both getting exactly what they want out of the relationship. obviously this would not be a dynamic I could support in real life! that’s terrible and I don’t want anyone to go through it! but in fictional characters it can be fascinating to explore. and if the content is going to upset or trigger certain fans: that’s why we use tags and warnings. AO3, where many of us go for a huge amount of our fan content, literally has a whole system in place for precisely this purpose: so we can let each other know what’s inside, and make informed choices about what we want to consume.

the other common approach is the redemption arc. it’s always gonna be up to you which characters you consider redeemable and which ones you don’t - that’s okay. again, it’s your choice what content to engage and what to pass over. but as people we’re traditionally very fond of the redemption arc story, and as fans we love to create the redemption arcs our favourite characters don’t get to live out in canon. because we love something about the character and want to explore them further. like I said earlier, that in itself is worth giving some thought to. sometimes we’ll even end up writing partial redemptions: this character goes from totally reprehensible to kind of appealingly awful. the ship goes from abusive to a much more regular level of fucked up. that can definitely be an interesting story in itself, and it’s okay if you want to explore it.

the main thing is that you always exercise your ability to think critically about what you’re consuming and why you like it - which, honestly, you should be trying to do all of the time, anyway. be clear about what you do and don’t endorse, about what your actual values are, about where you draw the line. (as both an example and a disclaimer, since I know I still have followers from A Certain Fandom where this cropped up a lot before I mostly dipped: one line that I personally draw, and always will, is at ships involving an adult and a literal child. I am not comfortable with exploring this even in the hypothetical space of fan content. it is too objectionable to be compelling.)

go forth. explore your unhealthy ships and shitty favourite characters. experiment and learn why they compel you. write properly-labelled fanfic about them hurting each other and loving it. just remember that everyone has different boundaries, and that fiction and reality are very separate spaces. acknowledge that what you’re enjoying is not inherently right or acceptable in real life just because you enjoy it in a story, and it doesn’t have to be. if you’re a content creator, consider portraying these things in such a way that your audience is well aware of your position on the matter, in order to help them also understand what is and isn’t healthy. be a ruthless writer and a kind person, and you’ll do just fine.

#this got SO long jesus christ #anyway there's a reason I no longer go into ship tags or engage heavily with meta fandom #I like just throwing my fic over the fence and then scuttling away #long post #fandom #shipping

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nekoabiwrites · 5 years

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Of Princes and Potions - Chapter 9

We back, with more Logan freak-outs and some hints to past trauma for almost all our main characters! Yay!

AU: Royal/Fantasy Pairing: Pining Logince Words: 3067 Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit, Crying, Implied Past Trauma, Snakes. Anything else, please let me know.

Summary: Even after recruiting Virgil to help, Logan is coming up short with a solution to his potion problem. He attempts a different approach, only to have the answer he was initially searching for revealed to him.

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“Logan, seriously. I am doing nothing to help you. Why am I here again?”

Virgil’s voice called from the spiralling stairs. The floor around him was littered with heavy bound books, all in various states of repair. He had one open in his arms, his eyes staring blankly at the ink-filled pages.

The wizard whirled around, his eyes wide. It was clear the man was experiencing copious amounts of fear, frustration and stress, to the point where his lack of sleep was showing on his face. He held his arms open wide and laughed fakely, “I don’t know, Virgil. I don’t even know what I’m doing to fix this anymore. Nothing is here. Absolutely nothing! None of these mountains of books has anything even remotely helpful! I’m stuck like this. I’m going to be stuck like this forever!” Logan’s unhinged laughter morphed into sobs as he fell to the ground, shaking.

Virgil was immediately up and leaping through the discarded tomes and books, avoiding the large piles that practically made new walls between where he was sat and where the wizard had fallen. The knight kneeled beside his friend, trying to calm him down as best he could.

They had been at this for a week now. Every book had been read from cover to cover, every spell and potion translated and recited, every possible incantation thought of and discussed and yet they were still empty handed. Virgil looked around the normally pristinely organised room. The shelves that normally held the books were now empty, making it easier to see where certain ones had bent out of shape due to the pure weight of the books that had been left there for so long. The desks around had many jars and in-progress potions or spells. The easiest way Virgil could describe it was simply ‘an utter mess’.

Swallowing hard, Virgil attempted to distract his friend, “How about you take a short break from this? It doesn’t look like you’ve been out of this place for a while… maybe getting outside would do you some good?”

Logan seemed to freeze mid shake. He then shot up and grabbed a hold of Virgil, hugging him tight, “Virgil! You are a genius! I just need to try something different! Perhaps if I get out and experience more of the potion’s effects, it’ll wear off due to use!”

“That wasn’t what I-” The knight captain attempted to interject but was cut off by Logan jumping up off of the floor.

“Come on, Virgil!” The wizard seemed about ready to just walk out.

Virgil stood and dusted himself off, “Wait a second, what are you even going to do?”

There was a moment of silence where the two stared at each other in confusion. Logan then said as plainly as he possibly could, “I am going to spend the rest of the day with you, of course.”

The knight captain couldn’t bring himself to shoot his friend down, especially in his volatile state, so he agreed to allow the wizard to tag along with him for the rest of the day. He did give Logan a warning that the prince had a chance of appearing for a sparring match, but the mage waved it off as no problem – though a clear blush formed on his cheeks and his voice began to shake slightly.

Upon arriving into the knights’ courtyard, Virgil couldn’t quite hold back a small smile when he saw how surprised the rest of them were when Logan exited the door behind him.

“Listen up.” Virgil called out once he stepped foot on the ground, gaining the full attention of his gathered knights. “As you can see, we have a visitor today. Sir Pendry-” Virgil gestured towards the man still stood upon the steps, “is here to observe what we do. You know what that means?”

All the surrounding knights nodded in acknowledgement. Virgil didn’t even need to say a word to get them to begin their training, all he did was gesture with his hand towards the equipment already set out.

Logan watched with intrigue. He’d never been fully present for a session with the knights, despite how long he’d lived in the castle, which meant he’d never seen Virgil in his most important role at the castle. There was something akin to pride at seeing the power his friend had over some of the knights who were actually older than him by a fair bit, and likely had far more training.

Most wouldn’t believe it due to their close relationship, but Virgil was in fact almost a decade older than Logan. And he’d been given control of the order of the knights at such a young age. His father had been ousted immediately after Patton had taken the throne and a fair portion of the knights followed, which left that at a severe disadvantage. So, Patton had done what he could and given Virgil the title of captain. They hadn’t known each other as long as Virgil had known Patton and Demitri, but they’d grown close extremely quickly due to their similar outlooks on life.

“Uh… Sir Pendry?”

An unfamiliar voice brought Logan back to the real world. He found himself face to face with an unmasked knight who he didn’t recognise. It only took a second or two for him to feel that his face was wet, so he reached up and touched his cheeks.

“You were crying, sir. I just wanted to check that you were alright.”

Logan’s face bloomed red instantly. He wanted to brush it aside, assure the young man he was perfectly alright, but shaking hands and wide eyes gave him away instantly. He stuttered out a response that sent the young knight back into the fray of his training, but it was clear the man was not fully believing that the wizard was actually alright as he continued to shoot concerned glances every now and then.

For the rest of the day, Logan stuck by Virgil. He followed him as the knight captain did his checks of the guards’ and knights’ barracks, which took a lot longer than Logan would have thought as he wasn’t truly aware of the amount of people they had on hand to fulfil these particular roles. Each of them was apparently supposed to be kept in perfect condition, with everything in order, though Virgil seemed to be fairly lenient with the rules as each room tended to be in a variety of states. He accompanied the man to dinner, which just so happened to be a time where he was sharing it with the king.

Upon turning into the dining room, Logan stopped short as he noticed Patton sitting at the head of the long table. Fear filled his every extremity as his thoughts ran wild, but everything seemed to still when Patton lifted his head and noticed the wizard. He grinned wide and stood, “Logan! This is a wonderful surprise! Please, come and join us!”

Logan bowed slightly, “Thank you, your majesty.” He initially went to take the seat beside Virgil, but Patton grabbed his attention.

“No need to sit so far. Come, sit over here!” The king gestured to the seat beside him, opposing Virgil, who spoke up as well.

“Yeah, Logan. The table’s big enough.” There was a hint of a smile tugging at the knight’s lips that gained a brief glare from the wizard as he passed behind the king to take up the offered seat.

Most of the meal was calm, which Logan was very pleased about. He was initially worried that they would be joined by the princes, but it seemed they were busy with other duties that day and would be eating at a later time. It was only as they reached the latter half of the meal that things began to take a turn.

“So, Logan. What have you been hard at work on? I hear you went into town for something a little while ago.” Patton asked innocently.

Logan almost choked as he’d not been expecting such a question to come up. He briefly glanced across to Virgil, who looked at him with a completely straight face. He regained some composure before responding, “I just happened to be running low on some common ingredients for potions. Nothing too extraordinary, your majesty.” It was a miracle that his voice stayed so steady, perhaps the potion really would wear off with exposure and use.

“Ah, well, I believe Virgil mentioned something about helping you out this week? I assumed you had a fairly large project on your hands.”

The knight captain turned his attention entirely to his meal, avoiding the accusatory glare that crossed the table. “I simply required an extra pair of hands. I prefer to keep my projects a well-kept secret, your majesty, just as a precaution. Wouldn’t want the information slipping out.”

Patton nodded sagely, his gaze softening as he smiled sadly, “Yes, you are right. We wouldn’t want that to happen to you, Logan. I don’t know what this castle would be like without you. I know someone in particular would be extremely sad to see you go.”

Due to the potion’s effects, Logan’s surprise was clear as day on his face. “Wh-what? Wh… why on earth would someone, be so upset about my absence…? Especially if…” Logan trailed off, his throat threatening to close on him as he thought about his circumstances.

There was a moment of silence while Patton and Virgil shared a look. From Logan’s perspective, it was almost as if the pair were having a conversation through just their eyes. He knew they’d been close, Patton almost being like an older brother to the knight captain, but he wasn’t aware they were capable of this. When Patton started to laugh, and Virgil rolled his eyes, Logan was put even more on edge.

“Oh, come now, Logan, surely you know someone who just loves to be around you?” Patton leant forward, resting his chin on his hands as he grinned wide at the mage.

“I don’t know, your maje-” A look from Patton had Virgil smiling, “Sorry, Patton. Anyway, Logan isn’t exactly observant when it comes to people around him.”

“E-excuse me!?” Logan asked incredulously, getting an even larger smile to break onto Virgil’s face.

Patton, meanwhile, gasped softly and held his hands to his mouth in surprise, “You mean, he hasn’t realised?!” It was almost as if Patton was truly aware and was simply mocking Logan.

The knight captain leant back in his chair and nodded, arms crossed, “Yep. He has absolutely no idea about that.”

Logan was feeling his frustration building. Normally, he’d have excused himself with a curt goodbye, but that was going to be impossible under his altered state. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get out of this utterly uncomfortable situation he’d found himself in.

Luckily, both of his companions stood and turned to him. “I’m so sorry, Logan, but the two of us have an important meeting to attend to. It is a private affair, so I’m afraid you won’t be able to join us.”

The mage felt relief soar through him. He stood himself and smiled a little too wide as he bowed in respect, “There is no problem there, your majesty. I should return to my tower and begin to continue my work anyway. Have a wonderful evening.” Logan turned and almost bolted from the room, eager to get away. Due to his quick escape, he wasn’t able to hear the shared chuckling of the older men.

He slowed the further away he got from the dining room. Logan was wracking his brain, trying to both understand what the two of them were implying while also trying to figure out an answer to his still-ongoing problem. “It’s clearly something magical… so there must be a magical solution… but who else can I turn to? No one else here knows abou-” His quiet mutterings were cut off as Logan’s mind supplied him with the perfect candidate.

The star-dusted robe billowed out behind him as he ran out to the grounds of the castle. Logan made a direct beeline for the only personal room that sat away from the castle, knocking rapidly once he stood before it. In almost no time, the door opened to reveal its occupant.

“Logan? What are you doing out here?” Demitri asked, confused and wary.

“I have a question to ask of you. May I come in?”

Demitri stood leaning against the tank that held his precious snake, leaving Logan to take a seat on the edge of the bed. He listened to an extremely condensed version of events, where Logan did just happen to leave a few elements out for brevity – and safety. “So, that is why I thought I should come to you. You’re the only person I know who may have some understanding of magic that I do not possess.” The mage’s eyes shined with hope, which made Demitri feel all the more uncomfortable.

The animal handler turned his gaze down to Pretzel, reaching down towards her as well. He took his time in responding to Logan, as he really didn’t want to think again on those horrific memories nor did he want to hurt Logan any more than he already had. Demitri sighed softly as Pretzel began to journey up his arm, “Logan, you know I was only a child… right?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Demitri saw the wizard deflate a little and shy away, “Ah, right… I seemed to… forget that for a moment…”

“It’s no problem, Logan. Don’t start to worry.” Demitri attempted to comfort the other, “I never knew much about magic, until you arrived. My talents lie here…” He gently stroked the head of the snake that was now curled around his shoulders. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help.”

“It’s… no problem. I am sorry for… bringing it back up.” Logan began to sound a little breathless. Demitri turned to him fully, looking towards him concerned. “Well, I shall leave you to it. I, uh, have things I need to attend to. Goodnight.”

Before the animal handler could even say another word, Logan was already running back up towards the castle. Demitri watched the man go, a feeling of guilt and pain lingering in his gut. It had been so many years… why did it still affect him so deeply?

Logan had no time to dwell on the past, however, as he ran as fast as he could through the hallways towards his tower. His heart was pounding, his brain racing. He felt awful for reminding Demitri about all of that, about their ties. Logan knew it was a touchy and painful subject for the man, and yet he hadn’t thought and caused him pain. ‘He can say it’s not a problem, but it’s clear to see that it still hurts him so much.’ Logan cried in his mind as he sprinted along. Tears began to slip down his cheeks for yet another time that day, and he closed his eyes for a moment to pretend it wasn’t happening.

And, of course, that just happened to be the moment that someone crossed his path.

Logan went falling to the floor, along with the other body he’d crashed into. Both of the pair groaned in pain as they became aware of their situation. Logan raised his head from the cushioned fall it’d had as it, miraculously, had landed on the other’s chest and he went to apologise, when his voice caught.

Beneath his body, staring back up at him, was the crown prince himself. The single person Logan had hoped to avoid the entire day. His face burned almost immediately, and his mouth was left gaping as his brain seemed to leave his body.

His first assumption was that the prince would try and pull another flirtatious line out, but the gentle swipe of a finger across his cheek to remove a tear that was still trailing down surprised the mage. Logan sat up quickly, hands flying up to cover his cheeks. Roman followed suit, but slower. His hands came to rest upon the mage’s arms lightly, “Logan, is everything alright?”

The softness of the interaction, the amount of care that slipped through his voice, the use of his given name rather than the usual impersonal title. There was no doubt about the extreme fluttering feeling in his stomach and what it meant, especially when it accompanied the images that were running rampant through his mind. At least his initial goal had been achieved, though Logan was far from pleased with the result. Without a word, he managed to get to his feet – albeit slightly awkwardly as he attempted to also start running at the same time. He fled from the scene, leaving Roman on the ground.

A loud slam came from the door as Logan finally reached his tower. His back was against the wood, holding it shut as if something might attempt to burst through it with such force. A single strangled sob passed his lips as Logan looked at the mess on the floor. He didn’t want to deal with this right now. Even though he knocked over many books in his haste, the mage crossed the room and ascended the spiral stairs. He flung himself onto the sheets of his unmade bed, almost screaming into the fabric after doing so.

Hours seemed to pass before there was a knocking at his door below. “Logan? Are you here?” Virgil’s voice floated up to him. The mage made another muffled sound of agreement, which allowed the knight captain to find him. Logan listened to the sounds of Virgil making his way up the stairs and felt his friend’s stare once he reached the top. “Lo…? What happened?” He sounded worried.

Logan turned over to stare at the ceiling. He sighed heavily, dragging his hands down his face. “I am in love with him.” A brief moment of silence followed before Virgil let out a wave of relieved laughter, which caused Logan to sit up quickly to stare accusingly at him, “And what is so funny about this travesty of a situation, Virgil?”

Virgil took a seat on the top step of the stairs and looked to Logan with a wide smile, “Took you long enough to realise it.”

---

Previous Chapter – Next Chapter

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siriex · 5 years

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Thoughts on Watcher

Fate/Strange Fake is a little like Apocrypha in that there are two sets of Servants; the “False” set and the “True” set. There are two Servants summoned into every class except for Saber (only one, who sort of belongs to both the False and True set, and neither set at all) and Lancer. Enkidu is summoned as the False Lancer, but an Extra-Class (?) Servant is summoned into the Lancer slot of the True Servants.

That Servant is Watcher.

This is the first (and so far only) appearance of a Watcher class Servant in Nasuverse, and we don’t have much detail about what exactly that means, or what this Servant is. We see something resembling Heroic Spirits that were summoned with it (referred to as “shadows”), but we have not seen Watcher itself.

So what is Watcher?

I’m going to write way too much about that under the cut.

Spoilers for Fate/Strange Fake through Volume 4 and Fate/Grand Order through Lost Belt 4 under the cut. this is unedited and I am so sorry but it’s midnight and I’m tired

What We Know

Class Name

Let’s start from the name of the class. Your standard classes are Saber (wields swords), Lancer (wields some kind of pole-arm), Archer (uses projectiles), Caster (deals mostly in spells), Rider (Rides something), Assassin (stealthy), and Berserker (unhinged and violent).

There are always some really weird cases. Sabers are usually pretty intuitive. Archers can use guns (Billy), slingshots (David), lightening (Tesla)… Basically any long-range weapon. Lancers can be their own lance (Enkidu), Casters can be people who never used magic in life (Andersen), Riders can ‘ride’ human bodies (Medb and Pale Rider), Assassins can be people who were not exactly famous for their stealth (Stheno), and Berserkers can be perfectly sane (Beowulf).

But we can probably guess that Watcher is observing the war. Watcher’s shadows refer to it as a “lookout,” and say that it is observing the city, but this might only be tangentially related to Watcher’s identity. After all, EMIYA is an Archer, but he rarely ever uses his bow.

Watcher’s shadows claim that Watcher is not a traditional Extra Class, because it is replacing one of the Knight Classes- something that shouldn’t be possible for a traditional Extra Class. They claim that, if they had been summoned as a “proper” Extra Class, it would have been Gatekeeper. (Another class we haven’t seen in canon.) (It’s also worth noting that the Shadows admit that Francesca’s screwed with the Snowfield Grail War so much that maybe an Extra Class could manifest in place of one of the Knight Classes, and True Archer’s transformation into an Avenger might be evidence for this. But this wouldn’t be possible under the Fuyuki Grail War’s rules.)

So Watcher watches and… Gatekeeps, it seems. Or is at least related to those concepts.

Summoning

Watcher is summoned by Sigma without a catalyst. Sigma is a Master hired by Francesca to participate in the war. He has pretty much no personality, and no desires of his own. Francesca is particularly interested in him because he’s a bit of a blank slate. Normally, in the absence of a catalyst, the Grail picks a Servant that is compatible with the Master. Since there’s not much substance to Sigma’s character (yet), she’s curious to see what he summons.

And what he gets? Watcher.

Master-Servant Relationship

Watcher isn’t a normal Servant. After summoning, Sigma notices that he has not formed any spiritual connection to any Heroic Spirit. Watcher does not address Sigma, and Sigma does not see Watcher. While the latter is not unprecedented in Fate/Strange Fake (Faldeus does not notice that he successfully summoned his Servant until they write him a message due to their A+ Presence Concealment), the former is definitely outside of the norm. Sigma can feel that he is connected to something through his magical energy, but that something isn’t taking any of his magical energy.

Sigma is greeted by one of Watcher’s shadows instead.

The shadows tell Sigma that they hope he will “make it through” and “become Lancer.”

Abilities

Watcher can observe the city the war is taking place in, but it can only observe the present. Watcher can only observe a limited area, though it is not clear how large this area is. It seems to be observing Snowfield and the forest, but Tiné’s village is outside of its range.

One of the shadows says that Sigma can have dreams/aspirations “just like Watcher goes on observing reality.”

Watcher cannot read minds.

One of Watcher’s shadows heavily implies that Sigma could have access to all of the things that Watcher has observed if he knew how to use Watcher’s power.

Its shadows gain some knowledge from the Grail, but only knowledge of how the Fuyuki Grail War should go. They do not have knowledge of any abnormalities unique to Snowfield.

Trials

Watcher’s shadows also tell Sigma that Watcher is a lookout, and an “obstacle [he] must overcome to become Lancer while living.” This is (presumably) a reference to Watcher’s trials.

The shadows tell Sigma he will have to overcome unreasonable trials. As he overcomes them, he’ll become “somebody” as opposed to the “nobody” he currently is.

It seems like Sigma has some freedom to choose at least some of his trials. One of the shadows tells him that if he fights Saber, it will count as a trial.

The Captain tells Sigma to “keep struggling against God” and “never accept fate.” This is probably a reference to or advice for the trails, and it encourages Sigma to try to find a way to survive his first trial.

Here is a current list of confirmed ‘Trials’ Sigma has faced:

Trial 1 – Sigma is confronted by No Name Assassin, who asks if he is fighting for the Holy Grail. He recognizes that, as a human against a Servant, if he answers any of her questions wrong, he’ll definitely die.

Shadows

Watcher’s shadows are spirits that only Sigma can see. No Name Assassin can’t see or hear them, even when they are directly in front of her. The shadows explain that they only exist in Sigma’s brain because of Watcher’s interference. It seems like they are some kind of side-effect of being connected to Watcher. They cannot interfere in the physical world.

They are summoned along with Watcher, but they are not Watcher themselves. One of them (The Winged Boy) describes himself as “an escaped prisoner.” It’s not clear if this applies to all of the shadows, or just him.

It seems like only one shadow can appear visually at a time, and many state that they will disappear soon. They are not Heroic spirits. Narita has said that, because they are not Heroic Spirits, they may appear and act differently from how they would as Servants.

The shadows say that it is their role to “be always looking down from a height,” and suggests that Sigma can call them “Watcher.” Later on, they also refer to the thing that Sigma summoned as “Watcher,” while differentiating themselves from it. I’m using “Watcher” to refer to the thing Sigma summoned as opposed to the shadows because it is a bit easier, and it’s more consistent with the language used to refer to the shadows and the thing Sigma summoned later in the books. It seems like the shadows are actually speaking on Watcher’s behalf when they tell Sigma to call them that.

The shadows give Sigma advice and help him in battle by warning him of incoming attacks. These warnings are educated guesses based on the battles Watcher has observed in the Snowfield Grail War. The shadows cannot warn Sigma of attacks they have not seen used before.

They say that they will not communicate with Sigma unless he addresses them first unless there is something dangerous. (Demonstrably false, as the Captain comments on something Sigma is writing for his own reference.)

Here I’m compiling a list of known shadows, and their probable identities.

“The Captain” –Captain Ahab - An old man with grey hair, a scar on his face, and the aura of a marine. Has an artificial leg. The most talkative of the shadows, and the first Sigma talks to. Dressed relatively modern. Claims he would have been summoned as an Avenger, as opposed to a Rider.

“The Winged Boy” – Icarus – A boy with skeletal, mechanical wings made of feathers and wax on his back. Dressed like someone from the “Age of Myths.”

“The Boy with the Snake” – Asclepius – A young teenage boy with a white robe. He has a staff with a snake coiled around it. Claims to look younger than he is because he “used Medusa’s in a clinical study.”

“Frivolous Shadow” – Unknown – Speaks fairly crassly. Similar to Dumas. Says he’d have tried to materialize as a Heroic Spirit if Sigma had been a cute girl.

“Old Japanese Man” – Unknown – An old man dressed in an outfit that “reminded Sigma of a Japanese temple.” That said, Sigma’s cultural knowledge is really lopsided, so who knows if that means anything.

“The Knight” – Unknown – Seems familiar with the story of King Arthur.

“Muscular Shadow” – Unknown – Large and muscular. May be the Frivolous shadow. Teases Sigma, asking if he has a crush on No Name Assassin.

Other Servants’ Reactions

Enkidu senses Watcher when it is summoned but does not recognize them as a Servant or a Heroic Spirit. In response to Watcher’s summoning, they act apologetic and wonder if they’ve “angered them a little.” “Them” seems to refer to Watcher.

The morning after Watcher is summoned, Dumas has a “weird feeling that [he’s] being watched,” but can’t locate the source.

Speculation

Who/What is Watcher?

I think the most important clues here are the identities of the shadows, Watcher’s alternate class as Gatekeeper, and Sigma’s trials.

There are three shadows with pretty obvious identities. The captain is almost certainly Captain Ahab. (Captain, fairly modern clothes, a white prosthetic leg, white hair, a scar on his face, Avenger as a possible class). The boy with the snake is pretty much confirmed to be Asclepius after Narita’s tweet about Asclepius in LB4 (A staff with a snake around it, references to Medusa, clothing from the Age of Myth). The boy with the wings is seriously obviously Icarus. (Mechanical wings with melted wax? Check. White robes? Check.)

So what do all three of these characters have in common? Hubris. They all try to overcome a force much greater than them and fail/are punished for it. The hubris I’m talking here is close to the hubris we see in Greek tragedies, but I’m not sure if there necessarily needs to be a god involved. It can just be generally trying to defy the natural order of things.

Captain Ahab tried to challenge nature itself by trying to kill Moby Dick. In the text, there are references to Moby Dick as a god. He was eventually killed by Moby Dick when he gets tangled in his own harpoon line, and Moby Dick drags him down into the ocean and he drowns.

Asclepius became such a damn good doctor that he was able to bring the dead back to life, and Zeus kills him for it.

Icarus tries to escape from Crete with his father, using wings made of wax and feathers. His father warns him not to fly too close to the sun or the sea (basically don’t be overconfident and/or commit hubris), but Icarus flies too close to the sun anyway. The wax in his wings melts, and he falls into the sea and drowns.

Basically, they all tried to defy nature and/or the gods and were killed for it.

But the thing is, Watcher gives people trials. It is giving Sigma trials, and if Sigma passes these trials, he can “become Lancer,” and the more he passes the stronger he becomes. I think this has to do with Watcher’s other class: Gatekeeper. Watcher is a Gatekeeper. It gives trials to people. If they pass them, they surpass humanity while they’re still alive (Sigma becoming a Servant). If they fail them, well, they probably die. (Though they may still be elevated above humanity after they die. For example, Asclepius.)

So it seems that that’s what Watcher is, but it still doesn’t tell us their identity.

What is Watcher’s True Name?

Honestly? I don’t have an answer for you. Eurystheus gave Heracles his Twelve Labors, but I’m not sure he fits the bill. The Greek Gods in general doled out a lot of punishments for hubris, but also rewarded some of the people they punished after they died (for example, Asclepius). Not to mention that gods normally can’t be summoned as Heroic Spirits. (Though it’s still not clear if Watcher is a Heroic Spirit.)

It could also be Hybris (a Greek goddess associated with hubris), but that also doesn’t seem likely. She’s a goddess, though some texts refer to her as more of a spirit.

It could also be the Fates. That seems a bit more likely; they have the power to override the gods’ decisions, so if a human committed hubris while doing their trials, but passed the trial, they could probably stop the punishment. They’re associated with fate and destiny, and they have more say than the gods about what a mortal has or has not earned the right to do. They have a lot of equivalent mythological figures in other cultures as well.

Maybe Watcher is more of a force than a living thing (or things). We have Pale Rider (Pestilence) and Nursery Rhyme (the concept of nursery rhymes). Maybe Watcher is a system, anthropomorphic personification, or concept.

Maybe the answer’s obvious with all this evidence, but I can’t think of it.

Petite_hob on Twitter suggested Raguel. She sent me this:

According to Wikipedia, ”Raguel is one of the seven angels whose role is to watch. His ... function is to take vengeance on the world of the luminaries who have transgressed God's laws.”

That may fit as well, though it wouldn’t necessarily explain the trials.

What are Watcher’s shadows?

Watcher’s shadows are probably people who’ve taken its trials and failed. This doesn’t necessarily disqualify them from becoming Heroic Spirits (we know that Asclepius is one), but they’re probably not as strong as they would be if they passed the trials.

I’m guessing that one of the reasons the shadows look and act differently than they would as Heroic Spirits is two-fold:

1. They’re not summoned in their prime like a Heroic Spirit; they’re summoned at around the time they failed the trials/died. (Hence, Icarus having melted wax on his wings, Ahab being old, etc.) So why does Asclepius look younger than he does as a Heroic Spirit? Look no further than that experimentation with Medusa’s blood. He outright says that he looks a lot younger than he is because of it. It could be that rather than preventing him from aging, it actually de-aged him.

2. They’re not corrupted by their legends/they’re the real deal. Heroic Spirits’ manifestation is affected by legends about them, and things they did in life. How they look as Heroic Spirits and Servants doesn’t necessarily reflect how they looked while alive. (In FSF we see how different Dumas looks as a Servant than as a living human.) Servants are also summoned as only one ‘aspect’ of a Heroic Spirit. Sometimes this doesn’t change a Servant’s personality or appearance much (Saber’s alternate classes), but sometimes the same Servant can look and act wildly different depending on the aspect of them that is summoned, even if they’re summoned into the main class (Vlad III).

Of course, this is all speculation.

Narita says that the difference between Asclepius in LB4 and in FSF is similar to the difference between Apocrypha Jack and FSF Jack. Apocrypha Jack is… Jack, while FSF Jack is the legend of Jack the Ripper- not the actual individual who committed the crimes. It’s not really clear which direction the relationship between Watcher’s shadows and the original Heroic Spirits goes. Which one’s the legend and which one’s the historical figure? Was Narita referring to the person/legend dichotomy or did he mean that it’s something else similar to that? Who knows? I sure don’t.

Who else has in the Nasuverse encountered Watcher? [Wild speculation]

This section is more for my own amusement than anything else. I figure that many other people in Nasuverse have encountered Watcher, and I have a few reasonable guesses about who they might be.

I’ll separate this list out by how I think they did in Watcher’s trials. If you have suggestions, I’m open!

Passed

1. Heracles - His labors were probably his trials. Ascended to godhood as he was dying (but still, before he died).

2. Gilgamesh – Defied the gods repeatedly, killed Humbaba (chose his own trial?), killed Gugalanna. Went on a quest for immortality and accepted his own mortality, overcoming his greatest fear. Fighting and befriending Enkidu may have been a trial as well. Stopped being a tyrant, became a great king.

Failed

1. Prometheus – Brought fire to humanity. Got his guts eaten by eagles forever after as punishment.

2. Enkidu – Enkidu recognizes Watcher’s presence, and wonders if they’ve angered them. Basically, they seem familiar with Watcher. This might be through their connection to Gilgamesh, or it might be because they underwent Watcher’s trials themself. In CCC they talk about how forcing Gilgamesh to acknowledge them as an equal is basically hubris. They also defied the gods by rebelling against their purpose and killing two of the gods’ creations: Humbaba and Gugalanna. (Not to mention their feud with Ishtar.) The gods killed them as punishment for killing Gugalanna.

3. Arachne – Claimed to be better than the gods at weaving. Got into a contest with Athena, lost, and was turned into a spider.

4. Dr. Frankenstein – Decided to create life. His life ends up getting destroyed because of it.

#Fate series #Fate/STrange fake #wild speculation right here ;#No one asked for this but here's nearly 3000 words of epileptic trees ;

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hellsparadiseessays · 5 years

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Aza Brothers Week - Day 4

And the week keeps going, with Part 3 of my Aza Bros Analysis! It was originally released in early May on r/Jigokuraku, right after chapter 55 got out (and got me distressed af for obvious reasons). More under the cut!

Aza bros, an analysis - Part 3 : who really is in danger as of chapter 55?

As a disclaimer, three things need to be mentioned. First, thy enter spoiler territory; flee while thy can, new reader! Second, I am not Japanese/Chinese nor raised in Japan/China, so my take is solely based on the academic documents I read, what I know and what I understand. If there’s a mistake in my understanding, please, feel free to address it. Third, English is not my native language, so while I’m fluent in it, I don’t promise a 100% quality and may make some grammar mistakes here and there. On this note, let’s start a not-so-academic write up. I hope you’ll deem it an enjoyable or educative read.

Screw the initial “two posts only” I guess, depending on the future events in-story, the Aza Siblings write-ups should keep going. To be honest, I initially wanted to wait for more chapters before going at it again, but chapter 55 was most interesting for various reasons. Considering the characters involved, this part will mostly be focused on Chôbe and Lord Tensen, starting with a reminder of Chôbe’s overall strength based on what we’ve seen until now and with the addition of the material provided by the latest chapter, then following with some observations about Lord Tensen – and more specifically, Rien. You already know some of my thoughts on him (considering it’s canon for the seven aspects of Lord Tensen to favour one gender or the other, and that until the end of chapter 55, Rien has solely been seen with a male form, I’ll use masculine pronouns), but I’m going to expand on it and something I said in part 2 considering Lord Tensen’s nature. I’ll then end it on mixed observations and questions concerning the stuff I suspect will happen next in the story. Overall, again, it’s mostly opinion-based – though justified as much as possible by canon information -, so you’re all invited to share your thoughts or cry with me in the comments.

1. Friendly reminder of Chôbe’s mental and physical fortitude

A whole point of Part 2 has already been dedicated to Chôbe’s strength so I’ll start with this, before pointing out what has been shown in chapter 55. Right in the first 9 chapters, we get to learn a lot about him. First, he’s exceptionally strong at a physical level and a solid fighter: kicking a man up to 6 meters in the air easily, starting a fight to death with fellow criminals and remaining alive at the end of it while he has his hands tied, he can handle an entire month of torture and withstand three to four days on an unknown island, with barely anything to eat or drink, and while fighting his way in to the point of having his very physical being modified via a form of alchemy... A transformation that actually makes him even stronger, to the point a Doshi, one of Lord Tensen’s apprentices, who’s probably been doing everything he could for centuries to reach his current level, was not only overpowered, but also openly deemed Chôbe a threat that should be destroyed before he gets to Lord Tensen.

Furthermore, Chôbe isn’t just dangerous at a strictly physical level, he’s also blessed with an incredibly keen mind and isn’t afraid of taking risks when he deems it necessary. When we get to read his train of thoughts during a fight, we can see how methodical and calm he is behind an apparent savagery, wondering if X thing is possible, trying it, and immediately adjusting his tactic as a consequence. He’s also incredibly strong-willed, which has been openly spelled out in chapter 55, when Chôbe himself points out that he’s been constantly fighting against the Waitanhua in him ever since he’s been out of the Tan pit, and that’s why the human Tao prevails for now. But what makes him especially interesting is that despite being qualified as a murderous bandit, ruthless when fighting and often showing a behaviour that could easily be described as unhinged from an external perspective, the insights we obtained by accessing both his thoughts and his flashbacks showed us the human behind that thick wall of ruthlessness and resentment. And what we saw behind was a lot of love for his little brother, to the point of being borderline overprotective while still trusting Toma with various tasks, as well as, in chapter 55, the will of not abandoning his brother the way he feels they have been abandoned by their father. He even pictures Toma as smiling softly with a fairly confident pose, during the dream he has when he’s passed out. Chôbe has such a positive image of him, which makes the gap with Toma’s own perception of himself and his recent progress even more jarring. We even get to see new glimpses of Chôbe’s own point of view, as a small child crying with yet again these still cryptic words, come apart, break down. Whatever these words mean to him (and I wonder if they have something to do with their Lord’s actions), it’s clearly a painful memory and something bad enough to seriously trigger him.

Remember Mei’s “strong weak”? Well, UG is giving us a lot of it with the Aza bros, and it’s what makes them both so strong (little reminder that despite his apparent more delicate nature, Toma is considered a prodigy among the Yamada and can come out unarmed of an all-out fight against an entire group of Soshin. He’s not weak). It’s in their own fears and hang-ups that they find their strength and it’s also what keep them moving forward. It’s also what makes me love them so much (aside from the fact that they’re the type of characters I tend to quickly become fond of in a story). Now, let’s compare that to the other character (s?) we got to see during chapter 55.

2. Lord Tensen: humanity and state of godhood

In Part 2, I had already commented on Lord Tensen and how, in my eyes, they felt so human despite thousand years of efforts to move beyond their condition and reach immortality. Lord Tensen truly is a curious case of scientific madness, in my opinion. And no, I don’t say that just because I’ve been qualifying Mu Dan and Rien of Mad Scientists for some weeks now. They, themselves, are the successful products of experiments on Immortality, and they consciously repeat the process to obtain an even more successful result. The way they organised the island and the hierarchy on it is especially interesting, because it doesn’t just feel like some sort of pseudo-Paradise. The entire organisation – as well as the narration – seems to purposefully place them in a position of Godhood right from the start. After all, meeting them didn’t end well at all for Tenza, Chôbe and Toma, and more generally, all the corpses found in the Tan pit weren’t there for decoration. Even the Palace in Hourai, at the center of the island, seems to have a godly vibe about it – and what’s with the awesome training room Taisei arranged for the Doshi and the seven aspects of Lord Tensen, looking like the postal card of some idyllic beach and hotel in the Carribeans. The thing is, it’s all fake, it’s all pretense despite their intimidating powers. They want to be immortal, but they aren’t. They just happen to be the strongest fish in the pond at the moment, but the recent arrival of humans changed the paradigm without them fully understanding the situation yet. They aren’t immortal, nor are they omniscient. And the Doshi who was aware of Chôbe’s strength never got back to the Palace, he’s still with the GabiGang.

This is the one thing that had me gleefully smiling as Rien got seriously interested in Chôbe as an accidentally successful experiment. Lord Tensen lacks crucial information concerning our Bandit King and is thus not as far ahead of everybody as they think they are. Worse even, Rien let himself be blinded by Chôbe’s abilities and put his full focus on him instead of investigating further on Mu Dan’s suspicious demise. Maybe he sent someone else in his stead? Either way, it’s a bit too little too late to obtain proper information in my opinion, especially with Chôbe representing a distraction in the Palace and the GabiGang not being likely to stay put for too long for various reasons (general security on a dangerous island, a ship full of murderous ninjas and executioners...). I suspect one of these reasons may also create further distraction for Lord Tensen, either because of exceptionally strong people that could serve their research or because of the general mayhem caused on their island (something they doesn’t seem to enjoy that much).

All of that to say, that as big and scary Lord Tensen be, they have blind spots and our band of misfits is in a better spot than we could expect because of that. Because they have the upper hand when it comes to information. Even worse, I suspected Chôbe to become the Wolf among the Sheeps, and it’s happening (despite the bad situation he’s currently in IhateyouRien). We already know he’s an incredibly fast learner – that’s how he got the upper hand on a Doshi with hundreds of years of experience, that’s how he was deemed a danger to Rien himself by the same Doshi -, now Rien is basically giving him free lessons to have better mastery of his Tao and more than that, gives him a good reason to be pissed at someone Chôbe doesn’t consider human (he calls Rien a creature, in chapter 55). What I’m saying here, is that by trying to reach a higher state while living on a fairly isolated island for centuries, Lord Tensen seems to have forgotten what humanity is and how much strength one can get from it.

3. Various observations relating to the turns the story may take

I’d like to add one potentially important thing about Chôbe, highlighted by Toma: his ability to come on top, even when he’s technically the one in a position of weakness. His ability to take split-second hard decisions, his sharp intellect and strong-will already allowed him to take control of a group apparently stronger than him in the past. Considering his actual level and the predicament he’s currently in, I personally wouldn’t treat him as a Princess in Distress. At. All. Granted, Toma’s help will most likely be welcome and a relief (especially for someone suffering from abandonment issues), but I can’t see Chôbe staying still. Well, he’s not the type to rush blindly either, but we may see a switch of role between him and Toma, with Chôbe being the sneaky one until he sees an opening, while Toma focuses on polishing his techniques and becoming stronger.

That’s why, as much as I love Chôbe, I wish to get the focus back on the GabiGang for now. A lot of things will happen on their side, and I suspect it all to happen real fast. Also, I’m still upset by the end of chapter 55 (though definitely not mad at UG, if anything I applaud him for his story-telling), so I don’t know about you all, but switching focus for the following chapters would be a bit of a breather for me before I get pissed at Rien again, as soon as I see his face.

Well, that’s all for now. I’m expecting not only UG to potentially destroy my speculations tomorrow, but to exceed them as well, because I certainly didn’t expect Bochu Jutsu to happen so fast for Chôbe. Just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable, this is the reason why Mei wants out after all, and in this situation, Chôbe is still perceived as a puny human and an experiment so I don’t think it’ll be the greatest moment of his life, no matter how Rien puts it (“how do you like it” to the dude kidnapped, tied to a damn bed, openly disapproving the situation with a scowl and a good dose of snark because that’s literally his only defense at the moment - even his smile has a drop of sweat next to it, and that's visual manga code for "uncomfortable". Did I already say I hate Rien’s guts?).

[Note as of 3 Oct.: Well when it comes to information, Chôbe spilling the beans to play along (and maybe get rid of both the Tensen and the competition in a single strike) and bid his time kinda destroyed my point on Lord Tensen’s lack of info lol But that’s fair, it was a cool twist and one I should have seen coming tbh]

#jigokuraku #hell's paradise #Aza Brothers Week #chôbe #Tensen #essay #my stuff #I still hate Rien lol

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mental-health-advice · 5 years

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Please answer this ASAP, this is very urgent. My friend is disassociating very badly and she says she feels unhinged. What do you do to stop disassociating??

Hi friend,

I’m sorry that we couldn’t answer your ask sooner; we aren’t able to prioritise asks because we want to remains 100% fair to all of our followers - I hope you can understand where we’re coming from. I hope you and your friend and doing okay! I am still going to share a little information with you about dissociation and techniques that may help your friend if she experiences dissociation again.

Dissociation is characterised by feelings of being detached from yourself and like you are viewing the world around you from a perspective which is not yours; it can also include periods of memory loss. Derealisation means feeling although the world around you is not real and that the people around you are also not human/real; people often describe this as seeing the world through a fog, like you’re looking at the world through a dirty window. Both of which, can be caused by mental health conditions like anxiety or depression, or they can be standalone conditions. Sometimes dissociating is just a way in which our body copes with trauma or stress. If your friend finds that they experience dissociation most when they are under periods of stress, perhaps finding ways to manage that stress would be beneficial - this may be something like arranging a revision timetable, or making sure they have time available for self-care such as a couple of hours each evening to do the things that they really enjoy doing such as art or music etc.

When trying to help a friend, I think the most important thing is to ask them what they need - everyone responds to things like anxiety attacks and dissociation very differently so it is hard to give you advice which is guaranteed to help. Maybe when your friend is in good head space, you could sit down and discuss what would be most beneficial for you to do to help when they are struggling. Sometimes just knowing that someone is there to support you is a fantastic help in itself!

Something I think may be really useful is the use of grounding techniques; these techniques help you to stay in touch with reality and in your consciousness, when otherwise thoughts may cause you to start feeling detached and unsure of the world/actions. An example of one would be to:

Describe 5 things you can see

Describe 4 things you can hear

Describe 3 things you can feel

Describe 2 things you can smell

Describe 1 thing that you can taste

I am linking our page of grounding techniques here; it is important to remember that not all of these techniques may work for you, and it may take some trial and error before you find the techniques which are most effective for you! This is something that you may be able to help your friend practice when she is struggling with dissociation. For example, you could try playing a categories game with them or people watch with them.

I also recommend journaling. This can be from really in-depth writing about everything that happened during your day, or just a couple of sentences to help you remember the main things that were going on that day. That way whenever you feel very spaced out and have forgotten what you have done previously, or want to look back on a good day, then you can use your journal to help you. These techniques can help you to stay connected to reality when you feel yourself getting particularly lost, and can even be useful to bring you back to reality once you have already entered a dissociated state. I have also found creative things like drawing and painting to be helpful whenever I am struggling with derealisation; because I have created that piece of art, I know it is real and that helps me to recognise things that are really around me. Maybe that is something you could try suggesting to your friend? I doesn’t have to be art, it could be cooking/baking, or writing, or music!

Most importantly though, I think encouraging your friend to reach out for some professional help would be really beneficial right now. It can be really difficult to overcome mental illness without the assistance of a professional. I’m going to link our page called ‘Getting Help’ which contains information about how to ask for help and the types of help available. Maybe you could forward this information to them, or use it to help you think of ways you could bring it up?

I also think it is really important to note the effect this may be having on you, lovely. This is a really difficult thing to be dealing with, and it is likely taking some kind of toll on your mental well-being. Please try to remember to take care of yourself, and if sometimes that means taking a little step away, then that is more than okay! You always come first, and although you want to help your friend, you can’t help them if you are not okay, so always put you first. It is also more than okay for you to reach out to someone for some support, like maybe a therapist, or just a friend or family member to talk about how you are feeling and what is going on - it is up to you how much you share and whether you reveal any of the parties involved in terms of identity; but having some kind of release and someone to vent to can really help.

I hope this has been of some help to you, lovely. Please get back in touch if there is anything else we can help you with! Take care,

Rhiann xo

#mha #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #mental health blog #mharhiann #dissociation #helping a friend #getting help #talking to someone #grounding techniques #stress #managing stress #journalling #distractions

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biaswreckingfics · 6 years

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Forsaken: Part 7

Author: biaswreckingyourlifefics

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 2.4k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

A few days had gone by since Chanyeol dropped a bombshell on you. Since that night, he has made zero attempts to contact you, which irritated you more than you could imagine. Who just tells someone they love them and then pretends it never happened? You felt like you were losing your damn mind with all of this back and forth.

Originally, you thought that maybe he was just drunk and embarrassed about what happened, but it wasn’t until you had lunch with Yixing that you found out that wasn’t the case.

“He did what?!”

Yixing nods. “He tried to punch Baekhyun.”

You stare at the man who was sitting across from you in disbelief. His every word blowing your mind more and more. “I can’t believe this… Why?”

Yixing looks at you with sad eyes. “Chanyeol was really pissed off that you left with Baekhyun that night. He was going on about how he admitted his feelings to you, and you still left with Baek, and how Baekhyun has feelings for you. Then, he tried to punch him. Minseok and Jongin stopped him.”

You put your head in your hands and groan. “Oh my god… I can’t believe this is happening.”

“It got worse when Baekhyun brought up Daeun. I think his exact words were, ‘Don’t forget, you already have a girlfriend, and it’s not Y/N.’”

You look up at Yixing with wide eyes. He shrugs at you and takes a sip of his tea.

After Yixing had blown your mind at lunch, you decided to lay low in your apartment for a few more days. It had been quiet. Your phone eerily silent, which you were happy about for once. You couldn’t understand what the heck was going on in Chanyeol’s mind. Why try to punch Baekhyun? And what did he mean when he said Baek liked you? Why was he even getting mad in the first place? He’s with Daeun for crying out loud!

All of this was making you stressed out, and you had always liked to snack when you were stressed out. Getting up from the couch, you head to the kitchen to grab something to munch on, but as soon as you walk into the kitchen, your phone starts ringing.

You stop walking and slowly turn around. You stare at your phone, which was sitting on the coffee table until it eventually stopped ringing. Of course, someone would call you the second you don’t want them to. It was like Murphy’s Law or something.

You continue grabbing a snack and head back to the couch. When you are mid-plop, your phone starts to ring again. Sighing, you pick it up and stare at the unknown number. No matter how much you wanted to, you couldn’t ignore it, in case it was an emergency. You sigh again before finally answering it.

“Y/N?” It was a female voice. Not one you instantly recognized, but it did sound familiar to you.

“Yes, who is this?”

It was quiet for a moment, like the person on the other end wasn’t sure if they were going to continue on with the conversation.

“It’s Daeun.”

A pit immediately formed in your stomach. Daeun? What the hell was Daeun calling you for, and how the heck did she even get your number? “Oh… Hi Daeun, what’s up?”

“I know this is random, but I was wondering if we could meet up and talk?”

“Talk? About what?”

“Chanyeol.”

Ah. There it is. You didn’t know why you even bother to ask. What else would the two of you have to talk about? “Yeah, okay. When were you thinking?”

“Is in an hour okay? At that café by Chan’s?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

You hang up the phone and stare at it. Whaaaat theeee heck? What did she want to say? Was she going to tell you to stay away from Chanyeol herself? Did she know about the fight between the guys? Your mind was racing, and your stomach started to get that butterfly feeling.

An hour later, you walk into the café that Daeun had described. You spotted her right away since she chose a window seat for your meeting. She was dressed down in a black sweater and blue jeans. Her hair pinned up in a cute, messy bun. Even Daeun’s casual wear made her look gorgeous.

The closer you got to her, the more the butterflies in your stomach had intensified. As soon as she spots you, she stands up and gives you a small smile.

Returning her smile, you say, “Hey, how are you?”

She motions for you to take the seat opposite of her while replying. “Good, you?”

“Good, thanks.”

Once the two of you get the pleasantries out of the way, clearly neither of you know what to say, so an awkward silence ensues until she finally breaks it.

“Thank you for coming. I know this was kind of random.”

“Sure, no problem. What did you want to talk about?” You ask, even though you were pretty sure you had a good idea.

Looking down, she says, “I don’t really know how I should say this… so I apologize if I come off a certain way.”

You keep the expression on your face as neutral as possible. It would appear you were correct in assuming she called you here to tell you to stay away from Chanyeol.

“I feel like I’m competing with you.” She says as she plays with her hands in her lap.

Your eyes widen. “What?”

She finally looks up at you with determination in her eyes. “I know you like Chanyeol, and I know he likes you.”

“Daeun – “

“I heard you guys talking that night.” She smiles sadly.

That night…? You take a second to figure out what she’s referring to before it hits you. Game night? When you were on the balcony?? Oh my god…

“His window was open… The voices woke me up, and I overheard your conversation…”

An overwhelming amount of guilt washes over you. You had asked Chanyeol if he still loved you… You asked him why he was with her!

You close your eyes. “Daeun, I am so sorry…”

Sure, you weren’t her biggest fan, especially after she asked Chanyeol to stop being friends with you, but it made sense now. If she felt like she was competing with you, it was understandable that she would want you to stay away from her boyfriend.

“At first, I was mad, but I feel like I kind of knew too?” She sounds slightly confused. “I adore Chanyeol, and yeah, I love him… but I think you love him more.”

“Daeun, he loves you. More than he’s ever liked me.” You try to reassure the girl in front of you, but she shakes her head at you.

“I know he loves me, but he would never fight his best friend for me… Not that I’d want him to!” She amends. “That’s why I stole your number from him. I wanted to meet up with you… to tell you I’m gonna break up with him.”

Your eyes nearly doubled in size. “You’re what?! No, Daeun, please don’t do that. I never meant to come in between you two.”

“I think I’m the one who came in between the two of you.” She states simply.

You feel yourself starting to panic now. You knew Chanyeol would blame this on you somehow. He would find a way to make this your fault, especially with how unhinged he’s been acting.

“Please don’t do this… I’ll completely erase myself from his life. He’ll never see me again if I can help it.”

“No, I don’t want you to do that.” She waves off your offer. “Look, I thought this over many times, and this is what I want to do. I don’t ever want to be in a relationship where there’s a second girl. I think this is the best thing for all of us.” She says with an amount of confidence that you definitely were not feeling.

You couldn’t help but feel like the biggest ass in the entire world. Because of you, Chanyeol was going to lose someone he truly loves, and you also ended up hurting a girl who was actually very nice.

You spent the next 15 minutes trying to talk her out of it, but her mind was made up. After you got home, you immediately called Junmyeon. You desperately needed some big brother advice.

“Wow… that’s… wow.” He says, shocked.

“Myeon, what do I do?” You half whine.

He hesitates for a moment, knowing you weren’t going to like his response. “It sounds like her mind is pretty made up… I don’t think there’s anything you can do.”

“I can’t be the reason she breaks up with him.” You quietly say.

“I honestly wish there was something I could tell you to do, but I think you’re gonna have to sit back and let it play out. I’m sorry, little one.”

You sigh. “Thanks for listening, Myeon.”

For the next couple of hours, you pace your apartment, walking back and forth so much, you wouldn’t be surprised if you wore a path right through your living room. You couldn’t help yourself. When you sat down, you felt sick to your stomach, like when you were younger, and you knew you did something you were going to get yelled at for.

Was Daeun really going to break up with Chanyeol? You knew Chanyeol would find a way to blame it on you. It wasn’t your fault. You knew that subconsciously, even Daeun and Junmyeon told you it wasn’t, but that didn’t stop you from feeling like it was.

To add more guilt to the situation, your mind began to wander. If they did break up… would that mean… No. You weren’t going to allow yourself to finish that thought process.

As you are mentally arguing with yourself, your phone begins to ring. You hold your breath, knowing exactly who it was. Slowly looking down at the caller ID, you see his name. Chanyeol. Oh god. You were positive you were about to throw up. You brace yourself and try to calm down your racing heart.

Taking a deep breath, you answer. “Hello?”

“What did you say to her?!” He yells at you. You jump in surprise, though you had been expecting exactly that.

“Chany – “

“Don’t try to come up with some fucking bullshit excuse, Y/N. Daeun broke up with me because of you.”

“I told her not to break up with you!” You yell back at him.

He scoffs into the phone. “Yeah, I’m sure. You just asked me a few days ago why I was even with her.”

“Don’t you dare take that out of context. You know exactly why I asked that.” You growl.

“If you thought Daeun and I breaking up would bring us together, you’re wrong. I love her, and I want to be with her.” He spits at you.

You were so angry and hurt by the words he was saying to you. A part of you wanted to fight with him. Scream and hurl insults right back at him and make him feel like you were feeling. While the other part of you wanted to curl up into a ball and avoid this entire conversation altogether.

“Daeun didn’t break up with you because of me.”

“Whatever. I’m done. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” You hear a click and then the dial tone.

Sitting down on the couch, you couldn’t stop the tears from coming. When did your life become like this? When did Chanyeol become such a different person? In the past, you rarely fought. The two of you could never be angry with each other. This past year, it seems like that’s all you ever do.

A half an hour after the phone call, there’s a knock on your door. You ignore it, having no intention of answering it. You weren’t done feeling sorry for yourself, and you wouldn’t be for a long time.

The knocking continues, showing no signs of stopping, then you hear, “Noona, let me in!” You recognize the voice instantly, Sehun. Sighing, you get up and walk over to the door.

Shouting through the door, “I don’t want any company right now.”

“I don’t care. Let me in.” Sehun stubbornly responds.

You know once Sehun has something in mind, he doesn’t quit until he gets his way. There was no way he was leaving your building without coming inside and seeing you first.

“Sehun, seriously, you didn’t have to come over here.”

“I’ve got ice cream.” He tempts you.

You pause and quietly ask, “What kind?”

“You know exactly what kind.”

Debating for a moment, you open the door a crack. “Where is it?”

He holds the carton up, so you can see that he’s telling the truth. “You know you want it...” He sings.

You begrudgingly move to the side and let the tall man in. You watch as he takes off his shoes and walks over to your couch. After grabbing two spoons from the kitchen, you drop onto the couch next to him.

As you hand him a spoon, he says, “You know it’s not your fault.”

You nod without saying a word, eyes only focusing on the carton of ice cream in front of you.

“Chanyeol will realize it eventually, too.”

“I don’t know… He can be kind of dense sometimes.”

Sehun laughs. “Anyway, who cares about him. We’re going to finish eating this ice cream and then go dance it all off.”

“I don’t feel like dancing.” You grumble.

Sehun stares at you like you’ve suddenly grown a second head. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that… Well, it’s not gonna matter cause Jongin’s on his way to join us.” He says with a wide smile that was creeping you out.

“Why are you smiling like that?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Because Jongin lost a bet.”

Your eyes go wide. “Oh no, what did you do to that poor boy?”

You watch as he got up from the couch and completely ignored your question. You continue to yell as he walks away from you.

“Sehun! What did you do?!”

#forsaken #chanyeol fic #park chanyeol fic #chanyeol angst #park chanyeol angst #exo fic #exo angst #chanyeol scenario #chanyeol au #exo scenario #exo au

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aerislei · 6 years

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Dabi: Analysis and Headcanon

So, I can’t really discuss Dabi at length without the Dabi-is-Touya thing coming into play, so I’m blending that headcanon post and my general analysis of the guy. I was going to try to split them into two posts, but much like my discussion of Stain and Endeavor they are too woven together in my mind for it to be worth doing. One post or the other would suffer for it. So... here we are.

Warning, long ass post below

So, I was first exposed to the headcanon via fanfiction, that I probably should have been reading when I was but here we are. We’re shown this guy for like, no time at all in season 2. Just long enough for his design to be intriguing. And tag diving and fanfiction filled out a few small pieces without revealing much that I didn’t know about the guy already.

So let’s talk about what we know about this guy. We know he feels strongly about the Hero Killer’s cause - not Tomura’s but Stain’s. We are deliberately introduced to him with that knowledge. This particular brand of ideology reminds us that he doesn’t actually just want to watch the world burn... though I’m sure he does to an extent, but he has something against false heroes.

We know he doesn’t like or have much patience for Tomura, but he IS willing to work with him. We also get a shot of him, in season 3, just kind of massacring several ‘small fry’ villains because they weren’t the kind of people they needed. ... Now there are multiple reasons this could be a thing. But it felt like a call back, in a sense, to Stain not liking guys who were just killing without conviction, because they were no better than the false heroes. It could also have just been meant to tell us that Dabi is “slightly” unhinged.

He made a point about not giving Tomura his real name, stating, essentially, that it would be revealed when the time was right. Which I found to be really, really interesting given on the surface that seems like an odd thing to want to hide because all the other Villains shared their real names with each other. (Barring Tomura, ironically, but they didn’t know that at the time).

Now it could be his way of separating himself from them because he doesn’t trust them, but it could also be because I’m pretty sure if you go around telling people your last name is Todoroki you get noticed, fast. It’d be hard not to, given it’s clear that Endeavor’s real name isn’t a great secret - else no one would have been so certain Shoto was his son, at the sports festival.

But there’s something else I want to put out here - when the Hideouts were attacked, Dabi’s name was, as far as I can recall, the only name not revealed by the Heroes who had been investigating. Now they make a point near his entrance, of stating that Dabi hasn’t done anything “flashy” but let’s be real here, if he’d been doing flashy shit with that quirk, Endeavor would have known.

Which brings us to... the fact that we know his quirk consists of blue flames.

Does anyone else remember Endeavor briefly using blue flames? because I do.

Yeah, that’s endeavor, using blue flames to blow up the Nomu’s head during the Stain arc fight.

So it’s established that Hellflame can generate blue flames. I would consider it to be absolutely not much of a jump to say the Hellflame quirk could have mutated into primarily blue flames in one of Endeavor’s children. Cremation, or whatever we decide to call Dabi’s quirk, is essentially Hellflame turned up to 11. And being realistic we haven’t seen that many similar quirks. The only other ‘similar’ pair I have off the top of my head is Tetsutetsu and Kirishima, and they are fundamentally different in a way that “generating and controlling [differently colored] flames” just... aren’t.

... It’s far harder to find a good shot of endeavor’s eyes than I realized. Anyway, so the lighting difference is baaad, but look at this shot, and then look at Dabi up there - the eyes are not that far apart in coloration. In the second shot, in very similar lighting, Shoto’s teal eye is slightly lighter than Dabi’s but the coloration is, again, not very far apart.

Speaking of that night. Couple things of note: it could have been because he didn’t have to, they had what they wanted, but Dabi made no genuine attempt to hurt any of our three idiots rescuers - Shoji, Shoto, and Midoriya were merely batted away when it came to Dabi - now, Toga is another story but you know. He didn’t have to, of course, he had the others to do it, and like Spinner he may have some small amount of respect for Shoto and Midoriya, at least, because they continue to selflessly sacrifice themselves to protect their friends.

But this does, again, highlight something pretty important - one, it’s a reminder that he believes in the hero killer’s ideology, and two, regardless of his apparent enjoyment in killing, he doesn’t actually do so indiscriminately.

There’s something else about this scene I found very interesting - he gets the ball holding Bakugo, narrowly stopping Shoto from grabbing it, says something like "That's sad... Shoto...Todoroki." and I feel like that’s the only name he used the entire time, despite the fact that Shoto is not the only one who’s well known at this point. It’s an odd thing to latch onto, but here I am. ... Also I can’t quite describe those expressions, tbh, because I’m terrible at it, but... something about them that I can’t quite get out of my head. *shrug*

So, moving on a little. Ages. The wiki gives Dabi’s age as ‘early 20s’ but I can’t actually figure out where that’s coming from. Even so, that gives us a rough cut off of 24/25. Toya’s age isn’t given at all. Shoto is the youngest at 15, Natsuo is 19, and a college student. Fuyumi is 22 and a teacher. Considering that was still early in their marriage, he could be 23/24 and that would still fit into the window of Dabi’s “early twenties”. So let’s call him 23, just a year older than Fuyumi, for the purpose of the rest of this discussion.

So the only thing this really left, for me, is ... why? I’ve spent a lot of time musing on that one, so hang with me here and we’ll go over the way I see it at the moment with the pieces of the puzzle that we have.

Touya would be the eldest Todoroki, he would have been the first to age out of that destructive house. But here’s the thing - he was the oldest he had to spend his entire life watching his father abuse his mother - all the way until Shoto was burned. He was a “failure”, but he was also the eldest, the one his father should have been proud of.

There could be an element of jealousy for the fact that each time a new child was conceived Endeavor looked to them to give him what he wanted. He was the first, he probably had his own cruel training early on, that may or may not have continued depending on his sibling’s quirks (we still don’t know Fuyumi’s or Natsuo’s.). Now, Touya was 8 when Shoto was born, which means he was at most 12 when Shoto was pushed into training and he got a reprieve - but he also had to shoulder the guilt of knowing what his youngest brother was being put through.

And then Rei dumped boiling water on Shoto, and the one source of love and comfort other than his younger siblings was sent away. But he was the oldest, he was supposed to be the strong one. Based on the flashbacks, Shoto was 5 or 6 when Rei snapped, which means... Touya here was only 13 or 14 when their mother went away. That’s pretty young to suddenly have at least two of his three younger siblings looking up to him because remember, Endeavor paid them basically no attention, Shoto was the one that mattered after his quirk manifested.

That’s pretty much prime placement for something like Stain’s ideals to break in. Touya grew up with first hand experience of one of the top heroes of the nation - and that top hero was by all accounts of his family a terrible person - at the time. I’m sure it took a few years, whether Touya stayed in that house with his family or he ran away as a teen before he came of age.

But at some point after he got away from Endeavor, Stain’s ideals became known. And in the darkness of Touya’s heart, darkness that is born of his hatred for Endeavor, and potentially for the society that left him and his siblings to suffer at Endeavor’s hands, Dabi was born - because Stain was right. False heroes were hurting people. They were merely using their positions for their own personal gain. And Touya already bore the scars of a hero just like that so of course someone aiming to make it stop would be intriguing to him.

Forcing a rebirth of the world in fire and blood may be wrong, it may be evil from it’s roots all the way to it’s execution but the ideals that brought it on were put into place by MHA’s modern society.

As for where it goes from here... I’m not sure. I look forward to seeing more about Dabi going forward. If I’m right, in reference to him being Touya, I suspect there will be some kind of conflict between him and Endeavor, whether he is recognized or not.

On the other hand, that’s one of those conflicts that’s likely regardless - after all Endeavor is currently our number one hero, thanks to All Might’s retirement.

I think my favorite part about this show though is that, for the most part, the villains are just as interesting and deep as the good guys.

#mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #dabi #dabi is touya

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austenpoppy · 6 years

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Mental Torture in the Wizarding World (1)

Warning : Very long post. So long that I had to split it in different parts. I have no idea how to make it under a cut "keep reading". Highly Upsetting topics such as self-loathing, madness, suicide and torture.

This post really means a lot to me. It may be one of the most important. Torture is something which makes my blood boil and that I want to fight until I die. So often overlooked or judged necessary, it destroys people. Literally.

Mental torture is a topic which is unfortunately too often overlooked. People often consider that the level of pain is not the same as physical torture, if they even consider that it causes pain at all. Because there is no scar, no mark, no trace on the body, mental torture is less visible - yet minds can be destroyed.

The wizarding world makes no exception. If torture, embodied by the Cruciatus Curse, is loathed, mental suffering caused by psychological methods are barely, if ever, evoked.

But they exist, and they are not in any way less painful than the Cruciatus curse.

Let's agree upon a definition of torture : "United Nations conventions that bar torture refer to it as "severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental," study author Metin Basoglu of King's College wrote" .(https://www.google.com/amp/s/mobile.reuters.com/article/amp/idUSN0535973620070306)

This is the particularity of mental torture : it aims the disintegration of the personality : "We conclude by examining the specific evil of mental torture: the merciless attempt to break down and occupy the personality of the victim." (Mental Torture: A Critique of Erasures in U.S. Law by David Luban and Henry Shue)

And for those of you who might doubt that mental torture and physical torture are on the same level : "Sadly, psychological torture can in fact be counted on to cause harm, which is indeed often severe and prolonged. Even worse, substantial research suggests that psychological torture, as well as some cruel and inhuman treatment that might not qualify as torture at all, can cause more severe long-term damage than some physical torture tends to." (same study)

1. The Dementors

I am utterly awed every time a "good" character in fanfiction threatens somebody of being kissed by a Dementor or expresses regret that the Dementors are no longer guardians of Azkaban after the war.

The Dementors have been created by the author to be a symbol of depression. Indeed, they make revive to their victims the worst moments of their lives and give them the impression that they will never be happy again.

However, I have to notice that they are more than allegories of depression. They act like torturers.

A depression is something self-induced, which means that the brain of the person itself is no longer able to grip on good thoughts, but only on the bad ones. It can be expected in certain circonstances : when a person is in mourning, during a burn-out - even if sometimes the burn-out itself can be considered a depression - after certain traumatic events (especially if the person in question suffers from PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), after having been bullied... Or it can be the consequence of life-long insecurities (especially if the person in question has a crippling low self-esteem) aggravated by small or not so small events in daily life. It is absolutely horrible, a daily drowning, the impression that nothing makes sense anymore... It can be helped with medicines and psychological sessions, but ultimately, it is a struggle that the he or she has to do himself/herself. If he or she is not willing to fight against it, you can't do anything (To be clear, I am not making any judgement, I am just noticing that depression is a daily struggle, and a very hard one - because there is no external enemy, the enemy is in your own head). Not to say that depressed people should be left alone - in the contrary, they have to be backed up, loved, to know that people care about them.

But what the Dementors do, the way they harm human beings and other creatures is definitely not something people self-induce. They are external forces, who can act for themselves. And even if the pain they cause leaves horrible lingering effects - we will come to that later -, it is a pain which affects everybody and not just vulnerable people.

This is the description of a torturer, according to an article I found on the Internet (reference : http://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2014-12-10/beard-cheney-defends-torture/5957372)/

Specifically, it is defined by an intention to degrade a detainee to a sub-human state in which he or she is morally and psychologically dis-integrated. Torture is an act motivated by a torturous attitude, which means it requires people who are willing - literally - to pull another human being apart."

The worst Dementors can do is to suck the soul out of their victims, which means that they can literally disintegrate their victims'personality, spirit and intelligence and turn them into empty shells (which would be quite a heartwrenching metaphor for people forever broken by torture and mental pain).

This is the description of the Dementors' kiss by Lupin :

"'They call it the Dementors' Kiss,' said Lupin, with a slightly twisted smile. 'It's what Dementors do to those they wish to destroy utterly. I suppose there must be some kind of mouth under there, because they clamp their jaws upon the mouth of the victim and - and suck out his soul.'

Harry accidentally spat out a bit of Butterbeer.

'What - they kill -?'

'Oh, no,' said Lupin. 'Much worse than that. You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you'll have no sense of self any more, no memory, no... anything. You'll just - exist. As an empty shell. And your soul is gone forever...lost.'"

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, J.K.Rowling

But that's not all.

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope and hapiness out of the air around them. Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them. Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory, will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself - soulless and evil. You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.

(...)

The fortress is set on a tiny island, way out to sea, but they don't need walls and water to keep the prisoners in, not when they're all trapped inside their own heads, incapable of a single cheerful thought. Most of them go mad within weeks."

The first thing I want to notice is that the victims of Dementors go mad from pain. The only other characters we have been talked about who went mad were the parents of Neville. Funny coincidence, isn't it ?

Moreover, what is obvious here is that the "methods" used by Dementors lead to the disintegration of the personality : victims are even described as "soulless", "trapped in their own heads".

Well, that's exactly what mental torture leads to - and physical torture as well, in terms of psychological consequences, according to the study I have quoted above.

Furthermore, it is important to underline that victims of Dementors are left helpless, unable to be happy or hope. Feelings of permanent helplessness are one of the consequences of mental torture.

And they don't have any control over they suffering. They are just a bundle of fears and terrors, unable to control themselves, unable to distinguish reality from what is in their heads. Their nightmares become the reality and the reality is an eternal nightmare.

To quote once again the study above :

"People also often say that what they fear is not so much death but dying. It is one thing to have gone, it is another to continue to survive but in despair and with no grounds for hope. One of the special terrors of torture is that like dying, as distinguished from death, being tortured is a continuing process, not a single event or a final state. It is a process filled with dread, despair, hopelessness, and the awful awareness that one has absolutely no control over one’s own condition. One can try to end the torture by trying to cooperate, but the torturer may well not be convinced and may well not admit it even if he is. Like the flies to the wanton boys, and like us to the gods, in the words of Shakespeare’s blinded Gloucester quoted at the beginning, the victim is the torturer’s plaything. The vulnerability is absolute, and the mental suffering accompanying that awareness is awful."

"One is of course rarely in full control of one’s fate -- the panic at the recent world financial crisis in part reflected many people’s frightening sense of having lost any firm grip on how their lives would go in future. But the fear of a depleted pension is nothing to the fear that one’s own self will be undermined so that one will not retain even the underlying psychological integrity necessary for having desires and beliefs that are one’s own, much less the psychological capacity (the agency) to act effectively on them -- that one will be returned to the infantile state of being an uncoordinated bundle of desires and fears with no integral self to organize them."

"Psychological torture, in contrast, undermines the structure of the personality -- it literally breaks apart the self, unhinging its parts from each other."

Not all the prisoners become mad. Some, like Hagrid, are released because they were innocent. When Hagrid describes his experience in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, he presents anxiety disorders, a typical reaction of victims of mental torture and torture in general (p. 239-240) : just talking about what he went through makes him shiver and cry, and he would do anything to never go back to Azkaban, even if he has to loose Buckbeak (the same Hagrid who made enter an Acromentula in Hogwarts, and bought a dragon's egg even if it is absolutely illegal and dangerous).

Another study I've read, Les pires cicatrices ne sont pas toujours physiques : la torture psychologique by Hernán Reyes (The worst scars are not always physical : mental torture) backs it : "The victims of mental torture have symptoms associated with anxiety disorders."

Moreover, what he says is striking : in his cell his only will was to die to end his suffering, and he had lost any hope to quit the prison.

"Thought I was goin' mad. Kep' goin' over horrible stuff in me mind...

(...)

'You can' really remember who yeh are after a while. An' yeh can' see the point o' living at all. I used ter hope I'd jus' die in me sleep..."

#torture #madness #mental torture #i hate dementors #dementors are torturers and nothing more

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lieselstark2-blog · 6 years

Text

Gotleaker is fake. It’s an elaborate hoax, and I’m it’s victim. So are you.

@thelawyerthatwaspromised @reysbae @myrish-lace-love @wolfmaiden25 @wolfmaiden25 @tiny-little-bird

Hello, my name is Liesel Stark and I am a Jonsa meta writer.

Or I was, but not too long ago something happened outside the fandom. Something very personal that nearly destroyed my life.

I had a roommate. We never got along, but I hoped it would remain civil and I would find a new place at the end of my lease.

However, this roommate wanted a guard dog. I didn’t want this, as I was bitten by a dog when I was a child and I’m scared of them. Pets are also not allowed in our lease. I thought that was the end of it when she brought it up, but a week later I came home and she had adopted a dog from the pound - it kind of looked like a Rottweiler, and I was scared to death.

So I informed our landlord. However, my roommate, who is the landlord’s cousin, called her and said I was lying. Our landlord came to investigate, but my roommate had taken her dog over to her friend’s house and pretended the dog didn’t exist.

I took pictures, but the roommate kept our landlord around her finger and said it was just visiting. It was all so awful.

Unfortunately, the dog was not well behaved, and while nothing ever happened, the lack of discipline and free reign the dog was given over the house meant there was fur and pee everywhere. I would come home at night from work and be greeted in the doorway by one of my worst fears.

One night I snapped and just left and slept over at my sister’s house. This would prove to be a terrible mistake.

It only took a few days and a broken lease before the landlord realized that her cousin lied. The landlord did pay for my grievance and is giving me a good reference, but she refused to kick out her cousin over a dog.

Bad, but not the point of this story.

When I left that night, my roommate went through all of my things. Like an idiot, my computer pass code is also my phone pass code, which she must have seen me tap hundreds of times whenever I unlocked my phone around the house, and she was able to get onto my computer and steal my identity.

She went through all my documents and accounts, and sent terrible things to my family and friends. I didn’t realize it at first until my parents asked why I posted that I never loved them on facebook and was cutting them out of my life that something was happening.

Everyone I ever met had been told some awful lie about me in the span of two days, and every account I had ever used was part of her campaign to ruin my life all because I didn’t want a dog for the remaining seven months of our lease!

She was always unhinged, but I never thought it would amount to this. Eventually I threatened legal action, and I thought it was over.

But I didn’t account for tumblr. I didn’t even think about it for awhile. When everything settled because I threatened legal action, I actually decided to come and log in and de-stress with fandom, but found that my tumblr was gone.

Okay, I thought. She deleted this account too.

I just kind of gave up after that. So much had happened that I figured I would cut my losses and move on with my life.

But that wasn’t the whole of it. Because my former roommate is a fucking psychopath.

I’m not ashamed of the fact that I ship Jonsa (it’s fiction), but she must have seen a possible opportunity to hurt me and took all the metas I wrote, the drafts in my account and computer, and the outline of a fan fiction I was writing to create an elaborate hoax in which she was planning to “out” me.

Seriously. What the hell.

I found out because I still browse the Jonsa tag on tumblr and saw mention of some new leaks, so I checked them out. They were suspiciously close to my metas and fan fiction outline, but when I saw the ending of episode two, I knew that it was one of her plots.

She must have been planning this for some time, and I don’t know exactly where she’s going with it, but if the past if anything to go by she plans to dox me and falsely incriminate me for something.

This is just ridiculous.

To prove that I am being framed, an outline to my fan fiction is included below. I expect @gotleaker to blow a gasket soon.

Now, I want to apologize to anyone who has been mislead by this maniac and to please stop believing her because she’s plotting against me simply because she’s upset she couldn’t get her way.

Please tag and reblog this so she’s discredited.

And FUCK you Kelsey.

A Time for Wolves

Episode 1 – Bat

Chapter 1

Daenerys and Jon arrive in Winterfell.

Chapter 2

Euron makes an agreement with the Golden Company to betray Cersei.

Chapter 3

Sansa is anxious over the prospect of Jon and Daenerys marrying for reasons she can’t describe, and is upset to learn from Tyrion that it appears to be happening.

Chapter 4

Jon is adamant that he will do what is necessary to protect the North and his family. However, Sansa doesn’t agree, because she feels the tension in the North better than he does.

Chapter 5

Although initially welcoming of Daenerys, their relationship sours over disagreements largely of Sansa’s making (due to her fears of losing Jon and the North).

Episode 2 – Eel

Chapter 6

Euron betrays Cersei, and in response to the Red Keep being overrun, she uses the wildfire, destroying the city and killing hundreds of thousands of people. She miscarries in the process.

Chapter 7

A settlement nearby is attacked (possibly the Dreadfort so they can reuse some of the sets and it make sense, considering their possible path), forcing Jon and Daenerys to prepare to depart. Sansa and Jon have a tender moment despite their current disagreement, and I think Tyrion is witness to sparks flying he didn’t see with Jon and Daenerys, causing his suspicions to be raised.

Chapter 8

Jon ends up showing these feelings because he has been informed by Sam and Bran about his parentage, and it’s eating him alive for so many reasons. Unfortunately, he hasn’t told Sansa and Arya yet, because he isn’t sure he wants to accept and go public with his parentage due to the political ramifications.

Chapter 9

However, the Dreadfort is lost (and destroyed), and the forces of the North are dealt a devastating blow. They return to Winterfell, licking their wounds, unaware that they accidentally are leading the Night King on path to Winterfell.

Chapter 10

Mid to the end of the episode, Jaime arrives and informs Daenerys that Cersei has betrayed them after a lost battle against the White Walkers. Daenerys, furious, rides off to take King’s Landing using Drogon as a threat in order to secure their manpower for the upcoming battle. She leaves Rhaegal to protect the North after a frustrating conversation with Jon who pleads with her not to leave because she is abandoning her people.

Chapter 11

Jon is frustrated by this, and isn’t too happy about Sansa’s smugness and seemingly glee (think about: Daenerys is gone, and also going to kill Cersei. That’s a win for her), but his anger is due to the fact he fears he cannot protect the North or Sansa, without Daenerys since he cannot control dragons. Bran offers to help. He also makes more cryptic comments to Sansa. I think Bran’s vision about her wedding may be of the future to Jon, like previous metas have stated, and Bran is starting to see dreams of spring and hoping to make them happen.

Chapter 12

Daenerys’s actions are not well received by anyone in the North, and when Daenerys leaves, all hell breaks loose politically. The Northerners fear that Daenerys will be a dictator like the Targaryens before her, reminding Jon of Torrhen and his uncle and grandfather’s deaths under the Mad King. This only further cements his desire to control Rhaegal. Episode 3 – Ghost

Chapter 13

The surviving Greyjoy siblings take an imprisoned Cersei Lannister North, narrowly missing Daenerys as she arrives to the destroyed King’s Landing. Since they go by ship and are one of the few survivors, the true perpetrator of King’s Landing fall is mistaken to be Daenerys when people outside the city arrive.

Chapter 14

They end up penning a raven that is received at Winterfell that blames Daenerys for the destruction. Her army leaves, no longer feeling welcomed, though Tyrion and Varys stay.

Chapter 15

Sansa is no longer so smug. She’s scared, and so is Jon and everyone else. Jon confers with Tyrion, who, knowing about the wildfire, erroneously believes it to be true not because Daenerys purposefully set the entire city on fire... but because Drogon was the spark that caused the wildfire to get out of control. Either way, Tyrion admits to losing faith, and switches support to Jon.

Chapter 16

But Jon sees his power waning, and now Sansa’s political power is on the rise. Tyrion sees an opportunity, but he is conflicted because he is starting to form feelngs for Sansa now and he believes Jon and Sansa are siblings. But he’s certain they have feelings for each other now, because Jon and Sansa are caught kissing after he gives her a blue rose and between all this hyper jealously as Tyrion spies and insinuates himself in Sansa’s company, fearing that Jon, Bran, and Sam are keeping something from him and hoping to use Sansa to figure it out (unaware she knows how the game works).

Chapter 17

But basically, political shit happens following this, and Jon tames Rhaegal. He then “comes clean” to the North. He initially thinks he will give up his claim to Sansa, but to his surprise he is hailed as King in the North and South.

Episode 4 – Owl

Chapter 18

Daenerys is trying to convince the people around King’s Landing of her worth, but news of Jon being a Targaryen reaches her. Remember in Daenerys’s vision that the first prominent image we see of the throne room is not the throne, but the Winter Rose on stained glass - a reminder of Starks and shade thrown at Daenerys that she doesn’t have Jon’s affections. Daenerys decides to leave and head back to the North, and he meet her army in the Neck.

Chapter 19

But back in the North, it’s discovered the White Walkers are moving towards Winterfell just as Daenerys has departed for it. Fearing that they may be attacked on two sides, Jon decides to meet Daenerys at the Neck with Rhaegal and make a deal. Tyrion warns him that she won’t go for it. Jon mentions a political alliance, but Tyrion tells him Westeros would never go for two Targaryens on the throne, and jokingly tells him that Sansa would be the better wife. Tyrion realizes his mistake, because Jon appears to seriously consider it.

Chapter 20

However, Jon is determined to make an alliance with Daenerys by any means necessary, and though he has a tender moment with Sansa, he departs and arrives in the Neck for a parlay with Daenerys (who flew over land, instead of sea, and thus misses the Greyjoys).

Chapter 21

He initially believes she will threaten him when he mentions that his people wishes she bends the knee, but instead she does (reluctantly) for three reasons: 1, she sees Rhaegal bonding with Jon and is forced to reconcile that he may actually be a Targaryen and she will lose Rhaegal if they are not on good terms, and 2, she wants to be seen as a worthy ruler again and loves Jon... unaware about the Sansa situation.

But more than anything, Daenerys doesn’t want to be seen as a Mad Queen.

She proposes that they join themselves in marriage, knowing that is what Tyrion initially suggested, but Jon refuses. She initially thinks this is because she has to prove herself, but really Jon refuses despite initially planning to accept and even offer it himself first on an impulse when he sees winter roses around them.

Chapter 22

However, despite this positive turn of events of an alliance without conditions, the episode ends with combined army at the Neck learning that Winterfell has been attacked sooner than expected and is being sieged by White Walkers.

Episode 5 – Wolf

Chapter 23

Sansa, Arya, and Bran are desperately trying to protect Winterfell. They are being attacked by an advanced force, and not Viserion, but they know it is only a matter of time. Unfortunately, they are surrounded and unable to escape and flee even if they wanted to. Sansa stands at the battlements, wanting Jon to return.

Chapter 24

En route to Winterfell, Daenerys is desperate to prove herself worthy of being Queen and worthy of Jon, mistaking his earlier actions in season seven for love when really Jon was hoping to get an alliance (and stopped pursuing that after Sansa). She takes a risk, and heads off into battle despite Jon telling her not to.

Chapter 25

The scene switches, and FINALLY the Greyjoys arrive with an imprisoned Cersei at Winterfell, helping Daenerys stop the advance White Walker army besieging the castle with their forces and the remaining Golden Company. They inform Sansa of the truth, and Sansa apologizes (unfortunately, no one in the North is willing to take Theon’s words at face value).

Chapter 26

Jon and the others arrive. Jaime was with Jon, and he is shocked to see Cersei for so many reasons, but especially when he learns she was responsible for King’s Landing. She is put on trial, and found guilty.

Chapter 27

Despite the North rebuking Daenerys, she believes that Jon will warm up to her after her heroic save of his home and Theon informing Jon of what really happened in King’s Landing. But that is not the case, because Daenerys soon realizes that Jon and Sansa have a relationship when they are reunited in an affectionate way.

Chapter 28

However, before she can do something she’ll regret, the Night King attacks, and Daenerys and Jon takes their respective dragons to the sky. Rhaegal is killed in battle, and Jon falls to his death, the battle lost.

Episode 6 – Nightingale

Chapter 29

Starts with Jon surviving his fall like Sansa and Theon did by falling on a mound of snow. Unfortunately, the people of Winterfell need to flee as the Night King licks his wounds for the final assault.

Chapter 30

Cersei is in the broken tower after a cryptic discussion with Bran (he likes those). She wants to die where Bran told her it all began. Jaime and her get into a fight, and she manipulates him to choke her, thereby fulfilling the prophecy. Jaime is horrified, burns the tower with all his crimes, and goes into battle to protect the fleeing civilians and army alongside Brienne.

Chapter 31

He ends up encountering Jon Snow, and instead of going out in a blaze of glory, helps Jon to return to the retreating army. Jon and Sansa are reunited, and Daenerys feels alienated, and is still reeling from the death of Rhaegal knowing he too will be revived by the Night King. She is devastated by the loss of her children and lover. Cue another cryptic discussion with Bran; this time, Daenerys is his victim. He promises her that she will meet her son and husband again (referring to Drogo and Rhaego). Daenerys does not take that well, but nobody takes Branvisions well.

Chapter 32

The army is pushed back into the South in attritional warfare, not having the numbers. They make it all the way to Stokeworth before they are able to secure a castle long enough to defend it. It appears to be the last battle - they will either win the war and live, or lose the war and die.

Chapter 33

In order to secure succession, Jon marries Sansa and their wedding is the last feast before the battle. Jon promises to come home, and we get a repeat of Jon waving goodbye to Sansa with Daenerys looking on in Baelish’s place.

Chapter 34

The battle begins, and Daenerys prepares to square off against Viserion and Rhaegal who are now controlled by the Night King. She takes a risky move, and there is the biggest ball of flame in the sky.

Chapter 35

The three dragons are destroyed, but the Night King survives, seemingly impervious to fire. The dragons are gone, but the army lives on, and Jon prepares to lead the surviving soldiers in a final charge as the castle is sieged and those inside try to hold everyone off.

Chapter 36

But just as all appears lost, Bran wargs into the Night King, momentarily stupefying him, and Jon is able to get the upper hand and kill him, destroying the army. He feels victorious, but when he returns he sees that Bran is dead.

Chapter 37

The snows begins to recede, and Sansa becomes round with child. They return North to Winterfell together with their child.

#game of thrones #gotleak #jonsa #game of thrones leak #why is this happening

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