#i am having a time in my life but at least my mice are happy

[shi0n]

the food mix my mice eat smells so good i want to eat it myself.. one of these days

[loveless-arobee]

Being Loveless

Because there’s a lot of demonisation going around still and people really gotta learn to chill down about the way other people describe their emotions.

I identify as loveless as both a personal identity, as well as a somewhat political (? For lack of a better word rn) one on top of it. I’ll explain what I mean by both.

This is only my personal experience, not every loveless person feels the same! If any other loveless person wants to share their experience in the notes, feel free to do so! I enjoy hearing about other people :)

Long post incoming. I tried to keep on track but my mind is messy whenever I’m writing something that’s not a book haha.

So, why I personally identify as loveless is actually the most obvious reason: I don’t really feel anything I’d label as "love". This ties into my low empathy, I think, and my inability to really understand my own emotions, too (alexithymia) (though I see both of that as the same thing, really; to me it just feels like my own low empathy extends to myself, too, not just other people. (But that’s just me, ig))

I don’t really feel like the word love accurately describes any of my feelings, there’s always better phrases to describe what I actually mean. "Love" is a muddy word that can mean almost anything; it just doesn’t make any sense to me. I prefer to use precise language. Like, "I enjoy your company/I like spending time with you", "You’re my favourite person", and "I’d die for you" etc., all carry so much more meaning to me than just a simple "I love you"; because that could mean all of the above or none of it.

For me, it’s just an inaccurate word that doesn’t serve what I want to say at all, almost all of the time. It either can mean everything or it’s just some thing people say, so what am I supposed to expect when someone says they love me? And what do people expect from me when I say I love them?

People also try to give me shit then for "not loving my pets"; as if my dogs and cat and mice would care how I label my emotions! I cuddle them when they want to, give them food and water and entertain them, get them to the vet when they need it, let the one mouse who likes it crawl all over my body, and make sure they live the best life I can offer them. Because I care for them! I chose to get pets; so it’s my responsibility to make sure they are healthy and happy, even when they piss me off from time to time. That’s a lot more than what I see other pet owners do that repeat again and again how much they "love their pets" but that’s a whole other can of worms I don’t want to open here.

The point is: why do my emotions mean so much more than my actions? What, because I don’t have the good and right emotions behind something, my actions are automatically bad? Because you love your pets your obvious abuse of them doesn’t matter, because you just mean well, and you feel the good and right emotions?

Which ties into why I think being loveless is also an at least somewhat "political" identity. At least in the culture I grew up in (European, but I’m very interested in people’s experiences outside of western culture!), love can be and is used to excuse all kinds of abuse and harmful actions.

We can see that a lot in parental abuse; children get told over and over again that their parents just mean well, that they didn’t mean to harm them, that they love them and isn’t that so much more important than the harm they’re doing? And when it gets "to far" (all abuse is to far), they turn and say well, they didn’t really love you if they did those things!

And isn’t it just so romantic that they loved their partner for so long before and stalked them and didn’t take no for an answer and pressured them until they finally agreed? So much love!

And so much more examples.

But of course when I point that out, people are going to hound me with stuff like "well if they’d really love them they wouldn’t do that" or some other variation of "that’s not real love, then!"

But that is just ignoring all the harm that can be and actively is done in the name of love. It is ignoring how love is used far to often to cover up suffering and harm by keeping it on that pedestal of can do no harm, only good. And that is bad. That is very bad.

Love is an emotion just like every other. It can cause both harm and good; and acting like people who love you are incapable of harming you is setting yourself up for abuse. And acting like loving someone means you could never harm or hurt them is making you ignorant to all the hurt you might be causing.

Being loveless, on a political level, means taking "love" down from that pedestal. It is about decentering love, and it’s about freeing myself from the societal expectations put on everyone. It’s about rejecting other people’s reading of my emotions.

And I honestly do not trust people who act like you can only care for someone and want to help them if you love them (or have empathy for them!)

Because basing your support on your own emotions for a person—or a group of people—will often times lead to you being a horrible ally. Because if that person, or some people from that group, do something you don’t approve of, or have an experience you can’t relate to, emotionally, do they not deserve your support anymore?

And why is my support worth less simply because I can’t feel other peoples’ feelings, or even fully understand them for the most part?

Of course, I’m not saying that labelling your own feelings as love is bad in general. But you shouldn’t act like loving someone absolves you fully from ever doing any harm to them, just because you obviously meant well (and they should be thankful you were even trying to help them!)

And you shouldn’t push your definition of emotions onto other people, or act like people with different experiences than yours are inherently evil. I am loveless, and I don’t care for love at all. If that makes you uncomfortable, if that makes you feel attacked, that is your problem, not mine. Take it out with yourself.

Love is not necessary to make a good human. And love can make some people absolutely horrid humans, too! Feelings are feelings and have absolutely nothing to do with one’s morals. Please stop acting like it does.

Thank you for reading this.

Some pet pics before someone asks:

(The last mouse does also have a friend, don’t worry. I would never keep a mouse alone! His friend is just asleep in their house rn and I don’t have a photo of them both. I found him sitting behind a house like this just now.)

[theonethatyaks93]

Happy 29th Anniversary Pinky and The Brain!!!

One of the absolute best spin-offs of all time and one of my favorite shows period! Pinky and The Brain (the show) aired its first episode "Das Mouse" on September 9, 1995 (btw it's a really good episode). For those who've seen me, you know how absolutely insane I am about the mice and to think they're approaching their 30th birthday next year is crazy. This little show is such an incredible treasure trove of laughs, legitimate emotions, fun storylines, and gayness (to me at least). While I do love Animaniacs, this show managed to make a seemingly repetitive format and turn it into a wonderful show that has stuck with me and so many others. These two have had such a profound impact on my life and I couldn't imagine where I'd be without them. Here's to twenty nine more years of Pinky and Brain cuteness!!!!!

[catsafarithewriter]

Day 4: Superheroes

A/N: Welp it looks like I got my days mixed up and am running a day late, but no fear! This is for day 4 of this year's TCR birthday bash, superheroes. I thought I'd go with something more lighthearted today, so here is a little ficlet regarding a different way the cat kingdom could have tried to thank Haru :D

x

"We have decided," said the cat on Haru's windowsill, "that you must be thanked appropriately for saving Prince Lune."

"Uh-huh," Haru said. What she really wanted to say was something like, "I'm dreaming, right?" or "Excuse me, do you know you're a cat?" or even "AAHHHH" coupled with violently swinging a chair – but cats who could talk probably could do other things they weren't meant to, and she didn't want to find out if that included curses.

"Given the magnitude of our debt, the King has decreed that we shall do everything in our power to make you happy," the cat continued, oblivious to Haru weighing up the pros and cons of punting it off a first floor window. "For instance, our research has indicated that humans your age tend to struggle with low confidence, body image, and preoccupation with finding a mate."

"Uh-huh," Haru said again, for entirely different reasons.

"So, to show our gratitude, we have eliminated such problems!"

Haru stared. "...How?"

"Come to a mirror, and I'll show you!"

This had to be a dream. But now Haru was curious to see what her sleeping mind would conjure up in her reflection. She fumbled for her phone and switched on the camera. Maybe her skin would now be porcelain smooth. Maybe her hair would look effortlessly perfect. Maybe she would see entirely a different face.

She was disappointed when there appeared to be nothing changed. "Okay, cat, I'm looking."

"Open your mouth!"

She gave the cat a dubious side-eye, but did so. A maw lined with sharp feline teeth filled the picture.

Haru snapped her mouth shut.

"Do you like it?" the cat asked, with a tone that indicated this was a rhetorical question and that she could start thanking it any time now.

"You gave me fangs??"

"Canines! Fangs have venom!"

"Is that really what's importa–" She felt wood chips beneath her nails and quickly withdrew her hand from her desk. "And claws? What did you do to me?"

"We gave you the ideal body!" the cat announced.

"You gave me claws!"

"Claws are attractive! They're far better than those blunt little stumps you call nails! This way you can prove your hunting prowess and win a mate!"

"You think I'm gonna get a boyfriend because I can catch mice now?"

"Oh, Miss Haru, at your size you should set your sights on much bigger prey! Squirrels and rats, at least! Our research also indicated you were frustrated with your lack of balance–"

"This feels needlessly personal."

"–so we gave you feline grace!"

"Wait," Haru said as she realised the other insinuation of the cat's comment, "have you been watching me?"

"Yes!"

"Oh." Haru blinked. She'd expected at least a little guilt in the admission.

"If this is not sufficient thanks, I'm sure we can find other ways to improve your life–"

"No! I mean, no thank you. This is..." easy enough to hide. "This is fine. You don't need to thank me any more." This was not fine. This was so far over the line of 'fine' that it was a dot on the horizon.

"Are you sure? There was some debate over the inclusion of a tail..."

"I'm good."

"–at least on a permanent basis."

"What?"

"Don't worry, we realised that a persistant tail would require a strain on your wardrobe–"

"What does that–"

"–so we decided that you should get the best of both worlds and have it only when needed!"

A beat passed. A herd of questions hoofed through her mind. "And... the wardrobe problem?" she hazarded at last.

The cat waved a breezy paw. "Oh, don't worry about that! We've sorted it out."

Haru's mouth formed the word 'how' and then her mind thought better of it. "I don't suppose I could convince you to take it all back, could I?" she tried instead.

The cat's mouth wobbled. "You don't like it?"

Well darn it. Now she felt bad. "No, of course I like it!" she lied. "I just don't think I really need it. Or deserve it. I mean, I just acted without thinking, I wasn't being brave."

"Oh." The cat blinked, and the watery look vanished immediately. "Oh," it said again, with far too much assurance, "this is one of those adolescent lack of confidence things, isn't it?"

"I – no?"

"You don't think you're worthy of such a gift because you don't believe in yourself!" the cat proclaimed, with all the confidence of someone adding one plus one and getting three. It patted Haru's hand. "Don't worry, the whole cat kingdom has agreed that you earned this, so enjoy it! Oh, and before I forget..." With a flourish, the cat whipped a little velvet box out of thin air. "The final part to your reward."

Despite all her misgivings, Haru took the box and cautiously opened it. A beautiful silver necklace with a shimmering cat charm rested inside, its single visible eye carved out of a golden-brown gemstone. (Tiger eye, she suspected.)

"It's... lovely," she stuttered. "But I can't accept–"

"You can and you will! Goodbye!" And before Haru could fumble for any other excuses, the cat had leapt out of the window, Haru still holding the box. After a dubious moment passed, she gingerly put the necklace on. (After all, it was gorgeous. It would be a waste not to wear it.) Then she picked up the phone and was halfway through dialling Hiromi, when she hesitated.

Just what was she going to say?

Yeah, so you know the cat I saved yesterday, well it turns out it was a prince...

Look, when you see me, don't make a fuss over my teeth or my claws...

So it looks like cats are trying to help my love life...

She put the phone down. No, best to just not mention it and hope no one noticed. After all, who would jump to the conclusion that they were blessings from a cat and not just a figment of the imagination? Haru barely believed it, and her windowsill was still warm from where the cat had sat.

Then, because it was a Tuesday morning and school didn't accept sick notes for 'my entire physiology was altered by cats in the night' she dragged herself out of bed and prepared herself for the day.

It was just as she was finishing changing into her uniform that the giant rat stampeded past her front door. (Haru was fairly sure that 'stampede' was the right word for, even if it was only a single beast, it did have half a dozen feet.)

Since this wasn't an acceptable thing to see, not even on a gloomy Tuesday schoolday, Haru naturally leant of her window out to better see the chaos. She vaguely wondered if she should call the police – but rather suspected that things like rampaging rats taller than a bungaloo were probably already on the police's radar.

What were police even meant to do about unnatural megafauna? Build a giant mousetrap? Ask it politely to turn itself in? This kind of shenanigan, Haru thought, probably weren't covered in training.

Really, she continued to think, this kind of shenanigan was more the territory of comic book heroes or magical girl responsibilities.

It was as that exact thought struck, that Haru became engulfed in golden light. She felt her form shift, her hair change, and most notably, her clothes alter.

I've literally just gotten ready for school, she thought, and then she was deposited back on the floor. She looked down at herself.

What she was now wearing could best be described as a marriage between a leopard-print leotard and her school uniform. There were bows. There were ribbons. There was a sparkly tutu (and a pair of shorts, much to Haru's relief).

And, as she moved to sit down in disbelief, she discovered there was – emerging from perfectly-tailored shorts and tutu – a tail.

"Well," she said eventually, "I guess that does solve the wardrobe problem."

x

A/N: Gee, some of you may be thinking, it sure is serendipitous/a coincidence that the same day Haru gets 'superpowers' there appears a monster! Well, I'm here to tell you that it's less happenstance, and more like the truck driver who nearly ran over Lune is having the worst Tuesday of his life. (Don't worry, he gets transformed back with only an increase in cheese preference and a fun day explaining to his boss why he didn't turn up for work.) As far as the cats are concerned, if you reward a human by turning her into the best thing to be (cat, obvs) then you punish a human by turning him into the worst thing to be (a rodent).

[luimagines]

*Runs in like I have a lynel on my heels, hands you a basket filled with warm drinks and sweet snacks with a note, promptly passes out without elaborating* Greetings, first of all, how have you been doing? Also, Happy Late Tears of The Kingdom release date. Second of all, finally an excuse to ramble about your works as much as the Tumblr word account limit will allow me in an extensive way like a greek orator holding assembly like Plato talking about Atlantis. Or well at least some, cause if I were to ramble about everything you've posted so far we'd be here all day (SPECIALLY if I were to gush about Time and Twilight), so I'll limit myself to an arguable top six for today.

Ahem. *Clears throat* Anyway if I have to pick any works that are my favorite of yours, my very first pick would likely be the Fear Room.

Wind and his intense trauma about losing Aryll? His desperation as an elder brother who was supposed to protect her and thought he failed again? Wild and all of the ghosts of his kingdom that haunts his steps because he died way back when because he failed and the feeling of survivor's guilt being in full display? That if he could he'd trade his life for theirs so he wouldn't need to live with the most intense feeling of failure out of all the Links and to look at Hyrule and Zelda and everything like the pages of an old faded book? To say goodbyes to people he doesn't know anymore? Sky and his feelings over never being enough? Of always being just a second too late while the people he cares for are in danger and out of his reach, further made worse by the fact Demise's Curse took hold because of his actions/inaction in Skyward Sword and that feeling further exacerbated by Impa through the game? Hyrule not wanting all that he went through to be for naught and not wanting to be all alone again, specially given that without Zelda he wouldn't be able to keep Ganon at bay alone? Twilight's pure anguish and desperation of seeing bad things happen to his loved ones and losing them again and again and being unable to do anything about it? Time being so afraid of losing control over the Fierce Deity and being so, so, so tired. Tired of being strong, tired of being thrust into adventure after adventure and having his agency denied again and again on wether or not he wants to continue on or not? That he has been strong for so long that he not only just cracks, but BREAKS. Warriors pulling his punches because even if it looks like his shield brothers betrayed him and he's tired of traitors he doesn't want to believe it and doesn't want to hurt them? Four failing to save Dot, his childhood friend and in turn likely losing not only Ezlo but the colors and Shadow, literally pieces of himself after he jigsaw puzzled them back together and likely can't see himself living without them? LEGEND WITH THE KOHOLINT TRAUMA? Not to mention all of the other people he lost over the years, his parents, his uncle, technically Sir Raven of we go by the manga who was basically like a brother to him (also know as an incredibly gorgeous man I am itching to write for after the Fairy Tale series is done), Marin, technically Ravio and Hilda if Ravio doesn't go to live in his house after LBTW's, and finally Reader's reaction and lingering trepidation after it's all said and done, it's really well written horror and the horror enthusiast in me delights in it even if it's pure pain and my dog will never not be startled when I giddily cackle over it, 1000/10, would absolutely read again. Plus it inspired stuff for certain parts of the Fairy Tale au.

Tending Temptations, First and Reader are "Just Friends", calling them by their name and Prince Twilight- *takes a deep breath* What it I just die? Those are also a one shot and drabble that will need their own post, but let's just say that the frequency I reach when I read any of them and makes me way too soft and should probably only be heard by small mice, because I adore the way you portray Time and Twilight and First specially given there's maybe only one other author who writes them as well (shout out to Dreaming of Lu and their impeccable Time and First takes) and I love the way you write Twilight with all my heart, I don't think there's anyone who's come as close to delighting me when writing him so really, thank you so much for all your work in the fandom!

And finally, if predictably, the Fairy Tale and Dragon au, Dragon au will have to be it's own thing but I feel like the Fairy Tale au is probably a bit self explanatory since I'm writing a series based on it xD, but also I really like seeing the Links throw into a sudden situation and how they'll adapt and react to it and a great way to do that is to throw them into Fairy Tales we know or even in myths (*cough cough* Just saying, Twilight would kill it as Tam Lin and Time would make an amazing Odysseus) and you have some really unique ideas, so definitely a must read and what inspired me into trying to expand on it in greater detail (when life isn't kicking me in the ribs that is).

Overall, you're a great writer, and reading your stuff after bad days is an almost sure fire way to brighten my day and to make anyone's day, so thank you for all your work in the fandom! Hope you're doing well!

-Just an Anon on a Stroll 🐚/WintertimeStoryteller.

Dreaming of Lu is truly a master of their craft.

I'm glad you enjoyed the Fear Room so much! I don't write horror! Hardly ever! XD I thought I would have botched it.

And I'm sure you'll be happy to know that an expansion of Legend's segment for Fairytale au is queued up for later this year and that Dragon au is also getting a full sized fic expansion beginning in August. (Warrior centric, but I digress. XD)

I'm glad you enjoy the way I write Twilight though! He's one of my favorite so I'm happy to do him justice. :D

[didyoutrydynamite]

The first few songs is everyone getting their anger out on each other or close to that. At least that is what it seems like it is heading. Correct me if I am wrong.

So if I remember correctly, all the songs in the Musical are taken straight from real life musicals.

The first one is when Renegades are given a quick job to get the singing drunk off the roof of the bar. The team walks out to see much to their confusion a sight of Piper Hamilton singing a whole soliloquy with full backing sound track emanating from seemingly nowhere.

The song for this is the main singing part of Invisible/On the Roof from Beetlejuice the Musical:

The second song is when Jaune pretty much coaxes the drunk off the roof. Piper explains that he was a big deal once, had great big dreams that are now shattered thanks to his former partner. Jaune tries to empathize with him and let him know that everyone has dreams and that he should keep going for it! Piper sarcastically asks what Jaune's big dreams were, flicks him in the forehead, activating his Semblance and sending Jaune into singing Go the Distance from Hercules:

After that sight, the Renegades sit down and talk with Piper about what his deal is, revealing that Piper wants to get back into show business, but needs to show that his Semblance can bring out the real passion in people and not to be afraid of the TRUTH! Jaune of course being the bleeding heart he is volunteers Renegade's help and gets him back to his town. Once there, Piper says he needs someone willing to reveal their raw emotions, the things that make them just want to yell at the world. Cinder and Adam are of course already hating this whole musical bullshit and refuse, while Jaune who originally wanted to help is now having second thoughts about singing his "raw emotions" especially with Cinder in the same room. Neo pretty much shrugs and volunteers, prompting Jaune to try and interject, knowing the kind of loose cannon she can be and pointing out she's mute any ways. This of course pisses off Neo and she make Piper use his Semblance, prompting her to audibly sing Dead Mom from the Beetle Juice Musical or in Renegade's Version: Dead Boss. I'll post the edited lyrics below so you can read along as you listen to the music.

Dead Boss

Hey boss, dead boss I need a little help here I'm prob'ly talking to myself here But dead boss, I gotta ask Are you really in the ground? 'Cause I feel you all around me Are you here, dead boss? Dead boss Dead boss I'm tired of trying to iron out my creases I'm a bunch of broken pieces It was you who made me whole Every day Jaune's staring at me Like all, "Hurry up, get happy Move along Forget about your boss" 'Cause Blondie's in denial Blondie doesn't wanna feel He wants me to smile And clap like a performing seal Ignored it for a while But Blondie's lost his mind for real You won't believe the mess that we've become You're my home My destination And I'm your clone Your strange creation You held my hand And life came easy Now jokes don't land And no one sees me Nothing seems to fit Roman is this it? Are you receiving? I want something to believe in or I'm done Take me where my soul can run or I'll lay down defeated Wake me when I'm dead and gone Blondie's moving forward Blondie didn't lose a boss Roman won't you send a sign? I'm running out of hope and time A plague of mice, a lightning strike Or drop a gigantic bomb No more playing Blondie's game I'll go insane if things don't change Whatever it takes to make him say your name Dead boss

[zooophagous]

Today's Wayward Souls entry is explicit and depicts a sex act and is intended for readers over 18. Viewer discretion is advised.

When one was out of control of one's circumstances, the best cure was usually to exert control over whatever you could. Strauss was not currently in control of his own life- the heavy steel doors trapping him in the living quarters were definitive proof of that. However he could show off what power he could by controlling his appearance. A new graphic tee shirt, emblazoned with the band logo for 'Simon and Garfunkle,' and a pair of dark jeans had made him feel dressed up, despite how casual an outfit it was. However, it wasn't enough. He had to physically change himself in some way, to prove his identity was still his own.

He had to cut his hair.

He wasn't good at this. Most of his life, he'd simply let it grow long, and damn whether or not it was in fashion at the time. Letting someone else cut it meant letting them into his personal space. What's worse, as a vampire, it was difficult for people to ignore his obvious fangs when they had to hover so close to his face. He'd have to do it himself, and merely pray he didn't make himself even uglier in the process.

He found a pair of blunted safety scissors in the game room, hidden in the craft supplies. They would have to do. He found his way to the sink and stood over it. Finding one's hands in the mirror was always trickier than it looked. The false lighting and the forced eye contact with his own reflection set his mind wandering, picking out flaws.

Pallid skin, dark rings around the eyes, gaunt cheekbones, thin lips, ugly teeth. Truly homely. The only thing that could perhaps be considered handsome were his eyes, a deep shade of dark grey-blue; but the glinting of eyeshine behind them brought to mind the image of a rat in a gutter, and he sighed and set his scissors down.

"You need more than a haircut to fix this, Herr Strauss." He mumbled quietly to himself. Maybe cosmetics could alleviate this somewhat, but at what point would the disappointment be too much to consider the effort? There wasn't much of a point.

"Ugly thing. Even the mice aren't as ugly as you. Mice are cute. You? You're a rat."

"What are you doing?"

He wheeled around, then hung his head in embarrassment.

"Guten abend, Artemis. I was... talking to myself. I am trying to cut my hair."

"Do you need help?" She leaned on the doorframe.

"I'm not exactly a trained hairdresser but I used to cut my own hair. It's easier with help. I can at least get it even."

"If you are quite sure you do not mind..." He felt himself flushing slightly. Why was it he did that, he wondered, when he didn't have a pulse?

"I'm happy to help. Let me get some actual scissors though. Get a chair and a towel. I'll be right back."

He did as he was told and fetched a wooden waiting-room chair, and a white towel. Artemis returned quickly with her scissors, and sat him with his back to the sink.

"Lean back as far as you can. I'm going to wash it before I cut it."

"Alright."

The sink was small, not meant for heads. He did his best to balance his skull uncomfortably on the ceramic edge while a rush of lukewarm water flowed over him.

"How's the temperature?"

"It is fine."

"Ok." She added a drizzle of shampoo to the mess of wet hair and worked up a lather.

Strauss bit his lip. He felt an involuntary twitch, an arch of the spine as she caressed his scalp. He gripped the arm rest of the chair- he hoped subtely- as she rinsed away the suds and ruffled his hair dry.

She took a moment to dry the water from his ears, and he had to bite his tongue.

"How short do you want to take it?" She asked.

"I don't know... I don't have a strong preference. I will be as ugly either way."

"You aren't ugly." She chided. "I don't want to go too short. I like your long hair, I think it's distinguished."

"If you say it is, it must be. I suppose clean it up, but leave it long."

"I can do that." She wrapped the towel around his shoulders like a cape. Capes were among the few bits of vampire stereotypy he agreed with. They were blanket like, and felt close and comfortable. She leaned over him to grab the ends of his hair and pull them straight, measuring length and symmetry.

He glanced to the side and realized he was eye level with her chest. He flushed again and looked away as hard has he could. Her uniform was modest, but surely to look would still be indecent.

"How long has it been since you've had a haircut?"

"I haven't touched it in many, many years. I do not cut it myself, and I do not let others touch me."

"But you'll let me touch it?"

"Oh yes." The reply tumbled out eagerly before he even thought to stop it. "I would let you touch any part of me."

There was a pause, and an awkward silence. Why did he say that? What the Hell was the matter with him? How could he get so worked up and be so stupid and-

"Well, that would make doing the physical easier if you didn't have to be sedated for it."

She replied with a shrug. He turned his head to face her. He was blushing fully, now. De-oxygenated blood had rushed to his face and ears, staining them a shade of purple he could even notice from the corner of his eye.

"Frau Van Helsing..." He replied with a deep breath. "Please do not encourage me."

"Encourage you?"

"I am quite poor at understanding signals. I have a hard time reading jokes. If you are sarcastic with me I may take it the wrong way and take you seriously."

"Who says I'm being sarcastic, Strauss?" She began to trim the damaged ends of his hair. "Troy tells me you have a crush on me. Don't get mad- he didn't need to. A lot of our little meetings and outings. They were dates to you, weren't they?"

He sat silent, momentarily unable to respond.

"Not at first. You are very professional and serious and I have purposefully kept myself from growing overly close to anyone here. But as time went on I... I admit that some of our meetings were contrivances. To get closer to you. I am sorry. I did not mean for these feelings to become and they were difficult to ignore and-"

"Relax." She quietly kept her hand on his hair, controlling the movement of his head. "I didn't say I was upset about it. In fact, I think it's a plus that you trust me that much, especially after all the subterfuge."

He raised an eyebrow. "You are not upset?"

"No. Flattered, if anything."

"So what do you think?" He asked quietly.

"Well Strauss, it's complicated." She brushed the loose bits of hair away. "I don't know that it's really appropriate. I mean, even if we're both on board for it. I feel like I wouldn't be able to separate the research aspect from it. Like I'd be studying you as much as I'd be dating you. Am I making sense?"

"What if I'm ok with that?" He tilted his head towards her. "I am already submitting to your research fully. What more can you do to impose on me? At least this way, I get something in return."

"A tit-for-tat."

"Precisely." He licked his fangs.

"You don't need to barter for affection, Strauss."

"Everyone does, to a degree, Frau Van Helsing. I only need to be more up front about it than most."

"Would it even be safe for us to date, Strauss?" She removed the towel and shook it out. "A vampire and a vampire slayer wouldn't ever really trust each other, and for good reason. We both would end up holding each other's lives in our hands. Also we never did... uh."

"Did what?"

"We never did take any samples from you to find out if vampirism is an STD or not."

"Well... I am sure I can accommodate the request."

"I thought you told them you couldn't give them a semen sample?"

"It isn't so much that I could not. It is more that I would not. Not for them."

"But you would for me?"

"Yes. Definitely."

“Well. Do you still have the cup?”

“Top drawer of the dresser.”

She walked out to go search for it. The sample cup was where he’d said, unused. She brought it back to the bathroom to face him.

She had half expected that she was just calling his bluff, and that he would bow out apologetically as soon as he saw she was serious.

The surprised expression he met her with seemed to say he felt the same way about her. His gaze was piercing and oddly… predatory. Like a bird of prey.

“Artemis. Do you really mean to do this? I will ask you not to lead me any further if you are not serious.”

“I’m not the one holding up the line, Strauss. Before taking the sample I need your consent. Do I have that consent?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Try to relax then.”

Who was she telling to relax, Strauss or herself, she wondered? She set the sample cup aside and began to unbutton his jeans. He sat up in the chair slightly to help her slide them down, just far enough to expose him.

She tugged his underwear down, and looked at the full front of his nakedness. She had seen photos of his files before, certainly, and many of them nude; he was very nearly nude when he was captured. But it was different seeing him in person, like this.

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting. It was always funny to her, that while vampirism caused such intense physical changes to the rest of the body, this part always stayed so average. Aside from the odd cast to his skin, things looked quite normal.

She took him in her hand and felt up and down, measuring in her head. He was very tall, and despite the jokes about how size follows, he was maybe only slightly above average. Uncircumcised, in keeping with his background. Two normal testicles, which she carefully felt for any lumps or abnormalities.

“You are teasing me, Frau Van Helsing.”

“How’s that?”

“You touch and examine. But you do not play or massage. You do not give pleasure.” He looked at her and titled his head to one side. “Teasing.”

So much for the pretense of doing this for science.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to put up with it. Researcher, remember?”

Despite her retort, if she meant to collect a semen sample, he’d have to get what he was asking for.

“I’m a bit out of practice on this. Let me know how it feels.”

She gently grasped his cock and carefully began to rub her hand up and down the length of it. In her other hand, she held him by the balls, fondling as she went.

“How is it?”

“Good. Keep going.” He replied in a hushed, somewhat strained voice. He didn’t need to breath, but he did so heavily as a reflex. He gripped the sides of his chair to stop the writhing that crawled up his spine.

She smirked. Apparently despite not having this anatomy on a partner for a good while, she still knew how to handle it. Inwardly she wondered, if she were the only Van Helsing to bed a vampire. What would they say if they knew.

The thought filled her with unexpected dread. She began to sweat nervously, but she wasn’t about to stop. Despite having no heartbeat, he had managed to get hard, and it was clear this would be over quickly.

She grabbed the sample cup and got ready. Strauss was past panting and into grunting… growling? If he got any louder there would likely be problems.

There wouldn’t be time for that, luckily. Strauss leaned his head back and finished as she stroked. She held him steady and slowly brought her hand to a stop, and popped the cap onto the sample cup.

So you can perform, she thought to herself. She stood up and found a marker to change the date on the cup. The biologist would ask how she got it. It would be very suspect, bringing it in. People might talk.

The reality of what she’d done was setting in. Not only had she touched her subject, she’d actually brought him to completion. There wasn’t any going back from that.

She felt his claws wrapping around her sides and turned around to face him with a gasp.

“What are you doing?”

He immediately retracted his hands and shrank back from her, looking meek and confused.

“I am sorry. I thought I should… reciprocate?”

“That’s… no that’s ok. I’m going to go drop this off.” She set the sample down and began to wash her hands.

Her emotions weren’t clear. Strauss found them hard to read even in the best of times, now seeing her so unsure, he began to feel guilt.

“Artemis… I am sorry. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, Strauss. You’re fine. If anything this was something I did wrong.”

She set off down the hall to deliver the sample. She wouldn’t stick around long enough for anyone to ask about how she got it. Hopefully he would be discreet enough not to mention it himself.

[lesp1een]

Little question game since I'm bored

• name: Giona (Spleen)

• relationship status: taken ❤️

• sexuality: gay homosexual (i also like girls)

• gender: male

• pronouns: he/him

• birthday: 17 of july

• zodiac sign: Sun-cancer, moon-libra, rising-virgo I think

• hair colour: dark brown

• eye colour: brown

• height: 165 cm

• weight: i dont remember

SPECIFICS ⬇️

• what brand of shampoo do you use? A vegan shampoo of a brand i don't remember but it smells good

• what are you currently listening to? Plastic Jesus - Tia Blake

• who were you on the phone with last? My aunt

FAVOURITES ⬇️

• favourite animal: DOGS, mice and rats, bunnies, snails, whales and cows

• favourite colour: green 🍃

• favourite drink: blonde beers, red wine, black tea

• favourite periodic table element: WHAT ARE THOSE

• favourite food: rice and pork, blueberries, lasagna, ramen and pasta with bacon and asparagus

• favorite game: disco elysium

• favourite show: south park

• favourite movie: I have a lot of them. Dog day afternoon, the first Rocky, Scarface, Thelma and Louise, Dance with the devil and Paris, Texas are some of them

• favourite song: the day that music died, a lot of janis joplin songs, sultans of swing, a lot of mf doom music

• favourite school subject: italian lit and philosophy

• favourite fruit: blueberries, cherries and grapes

HAVE YOU EVER... ⬇️

• have you ever given someone a bath? Only to my dogs

• have you ever smoked? I have an addiction 😂

• have you ever bungee jumped? Nope

• have you ever skinny dipped? No

• have you ever been in love? Yes!!

• have you ever made yourself cry to get out of trouble? I WISH I WAS ABLE TO DO IT

• have you ever pictured someone naked? Yes

• have you ever actually seen someone naked? Yes

• have you ever cried when someone died? Yes, a lot of times

• have you ever lied? Yes

• have you ever fallen for a close friend? Yes but it was only something platonic mistaken for a crush

• have you ever used someone? No, I hope not

• have you ever done something you regret? Some things buit my philosophy of life tells me that everything comes with a reason, even bad decisions

CURRENT... ⬇️

• current clothes: white wife beater and marvel shorts

• current desktop picture: sylvester stallone collage

• current cd in CD player: janis joplin- cheap thrills

• current dvd in dvd player: i dont have a dvd player anymore

WHO'S THE LAST PERSON... ⬇️

• who's the last person you touched? My boyfriend

• who's the last person you hugged? My boyfriend

• who's the last person you kissed? My boyfriend ❤️

• who's the last person you talked to? My flatmate

• who's the last person you sexted with? I dont do sexting that's gotta be the cringest thing to do to me

ARE YOU... ⬇️

• are you understanding? Yes, maybe too much even

• are you open-minded? Yes I try to be as open minded as possible

• are you arrogant? No and I would hate myself if I was

• are you insecure? Too much

• are you random? What does this mean

• are you hungry? Most of the time

• are you intelligent? Im really not that smart

• are you moody? Unfortunately yes

• are you organised? Sometimes

• are you shy? I'm a little shy but mostly an introvert who likes to talk with people

• are you difficult? I hope not but I'm sure I kinda am

• are you bored easily? No

• are you entertained easily? Yes

• are you obsessive? Only when I fail to control myself

• are you angry? I repress my anger to the point I don't think I'm capable to feel it anymore

• are you happy? I'm trying

• are you hyper? No

• are you trustworthy? Yes, I suppose I am

RANDOM ⬇️

• in the morning: I have to have breakfast for at least an hour

• i dream about: happiness and satisfaction

• when i'm into someone, i first notice: expression and voice tone, eyes and demeanor

• turn ons? I dont talk about this shit

• turn offs? Impatience

WHO... ⬇️

• who makes you laugh the most? My boyfriend, my close friends

• who makes you smile the most? Also them

• who gives you butterflies when you see them? My boyfriend

DO YOU EVER... ⬇️

• do you ever stay up all night and wait for a specific person to contact you? Sometimes but I don't talk with a lot of people

• do you ever wish you were younger? No

• do you ever wish you were older? No

• do you ever cry when someone's rude to you? Yes lmao

NUMBER... ⬇️

• number of times i've had my heart broken: Two times I think

• number of cd's: 6

• number of scars on my body: I don't think I have any

• number of broken bones: None

• number of accidents you've been in: A car accident (but nothing bad happened except for emotional trauma)

BASIC... ⬇️

🍃 day or night? Day

🍃 introvert or extrovert? Introvert

🍃 cubed or crushed ice? Cubed?

🍃 comedy or drama? Both, I love dark comedy and grotesque the most

🍃 veggies or fruit? Both!!

🍃 ice cream or frozen yogurt? Ice cream

🍃 summer or spring? Summer

🍃 winter or fall? Fall

🍃 cookie butter or peanut butter? Peanut butter

🍃 pancakes or waffles? Waffles

🍃 hot tea or iced tea? Both

🍃 hot coffee or iced coffee? Hot coffee

🍃 smoothie or juice? Juice!!

🍃 comfort or adventure? I like both at the right times

🍃 Netflix or Hulu? I dont do this shit

🍃 online or in-store shopping? In store, unless we talk about second hand online stores I usually avoid buying from apps

🍃 left or right handed? Left handed

✨ Obsession: cinema, comic books, building my stories whether it's writing or drawing them, wrestling

✨ Any bad habits: smoking, skin picking, a little bit of an alcohol problem

✨ How many pets do you own: three dogs, two birdies and two big ass turtles

✨ One weird thing you do: I cannot control my language, so I end up swearing a lot without even realizing

✨ Do you like your name? Yes

✨ What color underwear are you currently wearing: White as always

✨ How many relationships have you been in? Only one serious one and I'm happy like this

✨ Ever been cheated on: No

✨ Do you believe in long distance relationships: Yes but I don't think I could do it

✨ Ever cheated: No

✨ How many people do you trust: A few but I trust them with my life

✨ How many kids would you want: I don't kmow, it's too early for that

✨ Someone you find attractive: My partner and Sylvester Stallone

✨ Ever been heart broken: Yes

✨ Ever broke a heart: I surely have in the past

✨ Why did your last relationship end: Never had a serious relationship so I dont remember

[jamesphillimoresumbrella]

I don't have a lot of time and I haven't been sleeping well anyway, so might as well blog about it.

Because it's me, let me preface this by saying that I could have behaved better and I know it. I ought to know by now that my habit of running and hiding does no one any favors in the long run, but I can't take it back.

Towards the end of August, it hit me, suddenly and violently, that not all parents were like mine. Which I knew. Mom's a bit special like that, and growing up as a kid with divorced parents in a country where there is no such thing as divorce was its own steaming kettle of fish. And I knew Mom was possessive and jealous and deeply reliant on other people (despite harboring a deep resentment because she was on her own - yes, make that make sense). But it was shocking to realize that other parents just...let their kids be. That they have full and complete lives apart from their children, and they let their kids do things on their own. And that they're not pinning all their hopes for happiness on their kids; they're not counting the years from the time they were little, waiting for their kids to rescue them from a life made miserable by their own reckoning.

I could have done better than shutting down and simply not talking to my mother for months, with no explanation, but it hurt so much. On top of the realization that it was possible to live in a household where I didn't have to worry if the smell of fish or not having enough ice would throw someone into a rage. On top of dreading people acknowledging my accomplishments in front of her because she'd use it as fuel later on when she inevitably got mad at me (the sheer horror I felt when my godmother told her on the phone that she couldn't rival my baking - and I still feel the urge to point out that it's a different skill set under different circumstances. I'm decent with bread but pies are not my strong suit). On top of each phone call lasting at least an hour unless I have a pressing need to go and most of it consisting of complaints on how other people have done her wrong, on top of being her only support person, on top of her utterly unrealistic view of life in the States. I keep saying she's very much like the immigrant mice in An American Tale, who think that there are no cats in America and streets are paved with cheese.\

I was already doing poorly this year.

And now my grandfather's dead and things have come to a head. Again, I could have handled things better, but I ended up in the ER and apparently I scared them enough that they sent me to the psych ward for a few days. (It turns out having a well thought-out and highly reasoned plan is highly concerning.) I've missed the funeral, but am still flying out today despite my better judgement.

I don't know where I was going with this. I just needed to get it down before I actually talked to my mother, I suppose.

[danggirlronpa]

haiiiii :3 akane anon again. im off work now!

i agree w absolutely everything u said. she's been my fav ever for years and i have so many in depth thoughts abt how she could function on relationships w like. most of the girls. i could probably make a chart if i figured out a format.

chiakane soooo crazy. never been my main ship but ill consider anything. they r most interesting from a doomed standpoint to me...... akane as a remnant vs chiaki's existence as ai and (counting dr3 as canon which im not usually interested in doing) death before the tragedy. i think of them in almost a similar vein to the tragedy between madoka and homura except if homura was replaced by a kyoko who's a little worse w emotions. chiaki's entire being has become dedicated in one way or another to serving class 77 even if that means sacrificing herself over and over and akane has had every single meaningful relationship (or what SHOULD have been) ripped away or twisted and never having even really existed and she is so afraid of going through this again she doesn't even try and have relationships she cares about deeply (or at all!) that aren't w her siblings. so she would be PISSED to fall in love w chiaki who is already dead and doomed to die again. ive never believed the mastermind akane theory people talk abt at least fully but it IS interesting. i can make a killer chiakane au w it. w madoka magica parallels even. but ur right they can also be very very sweet. i think they would play super smash bros and akane would kinda suck at it (spams the buttons and thinks it's a pro strategy) but chiaki would let her win every once or twice. akane hears the rumours abt chiaki dating some random reserve course guy and sends the "im so happy for you and your ugly fucking boyfriend I'm serious" text after swearing to herself she doesn't even gaf

that's uh. that's a lot. im so sorry can you tell i have autism. this isn't even my favourite ship for either of them ask me about pekokane and i start growling like a rabid dog.

YES yes yes yes!! I am a HUGE Akane fan. She's the only character I have a real little collection of merch for (though that's partly just because so much merch excludes Mukuro). I didn't really attach to her the first time I played SDR2 but over time I've grown SO fond and defensive of her, she is such a sad and complex character who deserved to be treated better by her writers (and have less racist tropes associated with her. Spike Chunsoft. cough cough) and still deserves to be treated better by the fandom.

And I think you got it RIGHT on the money why I'm inclined towards Chiaki/Akane, actually. Akane has lived such a dark life that not only does she not know how to ask for help or rely on others, she doesn't even realize she needs to - for her, this is just how the world is. Akane, to me, is like the equivalent of a housecat looking at their humans and going, "They don't even know how to hunt. They're all so stupid. I have to go kill mice so they can eat. Are they even bathing themselves properly?? Licking time. Morons." She's incredibly resilient and smart within the context of the VERY SPECIFIC lifestyle she's lived.

And something really appeals to me about someone who solely exists to help people meeting Akane, thinking they can 'save' her, and slowly coming to realize that she is not dumb or unskilled just because she isn't skilled in the way they value. Learning that intelligence isn't a measure of worth and seeing & valuing Akane for who she is - and, at the same time, helping her see that some of the things she's gone through are truly, deeply traumatic, and helping her learn how to rely on others for the first time...that shit gets me. I Just Want Akane To Be Happy

[tinyshe]

Garden Review 23.07.01

I sometimes wonder about making entries ... I’m not doing much but thinking and planning but without putting those thoughts and words into action ... what good are they?

I can muse, fuss and putter. I can get help but for sanity sake I have to turn a blind eye to the shenanigans and mishaps. My brother might be able to make a quick trip to view the scenery and connect with me but its a one day event. I’m in a mild panic to say the least because I have had to let so many things go this last year and fear I will not be able to get it ship shape and thereby be eternally mortified and sadness over the event rather than being happy.

The rat gnawing on things in the little lean to is just the epitome of my life. Gnawing, gnawing away, scrap and  cuss. I lay awake at night if not for the rat in the lean to, the rat in my mind.

I am still doing the slow leak into the hot bed to vacate the ants ... and its not working. I was hoping for a simple fix. The water bill will be a doozy and have no positive results (at least what I was hoping for).

Its been a couple of weeks with the little transplants from the plant peoples ... and they aren’t growing. I know we have fog but these are things that can grow in low light: chard, kale, violas. No growth.

There is a creature in the garden now munching the Autumn raspberries (yellow rasp). The tays and red rasp are not producing this year and the yellows are a month and a half early (usually very end of August and into September). The tays and reds probably got a dosing from the neighbor’s spray. The yellows are well away from the fence. The bramble fruits/blackberries are just now starting to bloom as are the elders. I did not expect either because the brambles caught the spray and I pruned very aggressively the elders. The red flesh apples are looking so good I may need to go out and thin but will wait to see if the tree does it itself. I can see some seabuckthorn are developing but of course on limbs that really need to be removed because they are damaging the asian pear. The garlic shows no sign of getting near a harvest date estimate. The gooseberries have no leaves and the berry snatcher creature is not consuming that fruit (I suspect rodents/mice).

None of the wildflower seeds came back nor sprouted. I could go to the native plant peoples to see what they have but I’m not up to an hour of snobbery by appointment only. I’m not being mean -- I just want to enjoy the plants w/o the constant hovering and condescending ‘conversation’ directed around or about me ... maybe I don’t need nor want native plants after all.

Am I complaining? I don’t mean to complain, just trying to file a report. I have a mini vacation here on my hands so maybe I can catch some sun and get a sunny disposition in the process of putting some work time in (come! let’s play dacha! drag out the samovar!), I know the hens would love some outside time as they are getting a little stir crazy too!

[dearestaeneas]

3. What is your favorite childhood memory?

for any (or all) of the main 3! (branwen ardan celeste)

i've just realized the game of this was to answer in the first person and i don't know why that idea is making me feel WEIRD. but I'LL POWER THROUGH IT

celeste-> That's hard. I started keeping diaries some decades back, I was just so afraid I'd forget...well, everything. I have more memories to lose than most people will ever gain. I shouldn't have worried, though, I've kept them all regardless of if they're written down or not. But my favorite one? That's really hard. I think I was 7. I was the baby of the family (I guess in a lot of ways I still am), and my sisters took me into the woods. I assume they were trying to scare me, the entire walk to the edge of the forest was filled with stories of ghosts and monsters that lived in the trees. I remember it was the last few minutes of Golden Hour, and I was in love. They took me deeper and deeper into the trees, and it got darker with each step. More than once I was running ahead of them, yelling for them to catch up, as if I wasn't the one that was supposed to be being led somewhere. Eventually, I stopped hearing them respond. It was well past dark by then, and I was finally scared. Not for myself- but for them. I knew how to get out of the trees. The owls came out when I started to turn. The woods were so dark I couldn't see anything, and still I knew where I was. I followed the hooting- there was one huge tree a family lived in, and if I found that it was a straight line east back home. I did find it! I had to keep reminding myself that I was sure my sisters found their way home- I couldn't do anything at that point. As I neared the tree, fireflies started to flicker, and I've never seen anything that matched that feeling since- it was so...spooky and warm. I checked on the owls when I found them- I used to bring them dead mice (gruesome, I know, but they need to eat, too!) and I collected some of the owl pellets from the base of the tree. After that, before long, I was out. The walk itself wasn't...memorable, if I'm honest. But I always think of it as the first time I ever really felt like I was in a fairytale. Kind of. I don't know. Saying it now, it doesn't sound like a happy memory, but I mean, it all worked out. The pellets grossed my sisters out, but I loved them. I have jars of some of the bones from the pellets I've collected over the years. I wonder if any of the ones I still have are from that night.

ardan-> Um. I don't...I don't know. Or. I mean. I do. I don't think I remember how old I was, though. It was a few years after I'd been...adopted, I guess you could call it. It's what I would call it. But we'd been docked for a few days, and at that point I basically had free reign when that happened. I truly could do no wrong at that point in my life- and I tried all the time. You'd think the communal parenting I was raised with would mean I'd have about a dozen over-protective and strict adults watching me at all hours of the day, but I really was just...well. Perfect little angel. Yanno. (To them, at least.) But anyway. We had been docked for a few days, and there was this market right on the boardwalk. There was a singer right on the end, with a crowd around him throwing coins and cheers. I was...intoxicated. I sat cross-legged a few feet back, watching him through the legs of those standing closer. I must have been there for hours. By the time he was done, I was the only person left. He asked me if I wanted to learn how to sing. He asked me a lot of questions about myself. I think about him a lot. I love my family, then and even now, I really do. But that was the first time someone ever...really listened to me. I loved the sea, but that was the end for me. When we set out again I had never been so restless to be back on land.

branwen-> ...I don't...hm. I don't know.

[blue-manuscript]

NaNoWriMo 2023: Day 11

Happy NaNoWriMo 2023! I will be posting excepts of my writing every day of the challenge, to keep myself accountable and to share the pieces I like! I am continuing the novel I started last year, The Lucien Project so search #nanowrimo on my page to get up to date.

11/11/2023 Word Count: 1,698 Total 2023: 18,834

He couldn’t help but smile this time - he really couldn’t hear anything. Sure, he missed the gentle hum of the air filtering system of the hospital, and occasional chirping of birds or squirrels outside his un-openable window., but, with his new earmuffs, he felt more safe. The words weren’t going to hurt him, so long as he kept them atop his head. After a few moments, a lady Scientist Lucien didn’t recognize came into the room, wheeling a cart of her own, with a thick-screened television and video player on it. Without a sound, she put a tape into the slot, and turned on the television. She even made sure to turn the volume all the way down before the trailers started playing. 

Lucien was less excited, now. He had hoped she had wheeled in with one of the nature documentaries he liked. He really wanted to watch one of those without the narration, without the distraction. He wanted to watch dolphins and schools of fish swimming, or see bears gathering food and fattening up before the world outside turned white with snow. If there were cartoon trailers, though, he knew that meant a cartoon film. At least he wouldn’t have to suffer through it with his hands clasped so firmly over his ears this time. 

It was a movie he had seen probably dozens of times - he remembered the other children cheering uproariously whenever the film started. It was one about mice. A little mouse looked sick, and a bigger mouse, probably his mother, went out on a journey to save him. Lucien thought about the other children, the ones he used to know, before they, too, were saved from the hospital by their mothers. 

And where was Lucien’s mother? Or, his father? Why hadn’t they come to take him from this place? Why was he always here, all alone? At first, he thought that Gray could be his mother. But, 4now he hardly saw her, and that surely meant that he didn’t belong to her. The only other person who seemed to consistently be in his life was Frames. 

Lucien shuddered at the thought. Was Frames his father? He didn’t think that fathers were supposed to be mean. Fathers were supposed to be leaders, big and strong characters who showed no fear. Frames was big, but he was not strong, and Lucien certainly couldn’t imagine Frames being the hero of any story. No, Frames wasn’t his father. And Gray wasn’t his mother. 

Lucien forced himself to focus on the cartoon playing for him, instead of the tears that were welling in his eyes. He had made eleven friends when he was younger, when he was more of a baby, and all of them had come in and out over the past month with their parents. He was the only one without a set of parents to call his own. He just had the Scientists.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

428 of 2022

Made by Beccy at DarkestStar_Surveys [do not remove please]

[as a person] 01. I am an outgoing, sociable type of person 02. I’m very shy and unsociable 03. I’m somewhere in between 04. I am unique in every way possible. Nobody can change who I am, I am my own person 05. I find it difficult not to follow the crowds 06. You have to conform to some things in life 07. My friends say I am crazy 08. I have too many friends to count 09. I only have a few 010. I mostly prefer my own company 011. I prefer to stay indoors in the warmth than go outside where its cold 012. I prefer to read than to watch TV 013. I’m a fairly intelligent person 014. I’d consider myself as average 015. It would be hard to describe my personality, I’m up and down like a yo yo

[activities & hobbies] 01. I love to go to the movies with my friends 02. I like to stay at home with a movie 03. I love to go clubbing and dance 04. I play at least 1 or more sports (used to) 05. I hate all sport 06. I’m addicted to my TV set 07. Music is my life, or at least, its very important to me 08. I love animals and wildlife 09. I like to go on walks and adventures 010. I thoroughly enjoy photography 011. I either like to create art myself, or admire it from a distant 012. I spend a lot of time on myspace or xanga 013. I’m most happy when I’m with my boyfriend/girlfriend 014. I love to cook and am good at it 015. I love to read a great book 016. I love to drink alcohol 017. I love days out 018. I’m into history - visiting historic cities, museums, art galleries etc 019. Religion is very important to me 020. I like to eat out at restaurants 021. I love to spend time with my family and friends 022. I love to shop 023. I love to go online

[electronics & technology] 01. I use a family computer 02. I have my own in my bedroom 03. I have an ipod 02. I have an mp3 player 03. I have a CD walkman 04. I have a stereo system 05. I have surround sound 06. I have my own TV set 07. I have a VCR 08. I have a DVD player 09. I have a mobile phone 010. I own over 100 Cds 011. I own over 20 DVDs 012. I own over 50 DVDs

[Animals I like/think are cute] 01. Cat/Kittens 02. Dog/puppies 03. Bunnies 04. Hamsters 05. Mice 06. Gerbils 07. Rats 08. Guinea pigs 09. Goldfish/other 010. Horses/ponies 011. Goats 012. Sheep 013. Pigs 014. Chickens 015. Birds 016. Tortoise 017. Tigers 018. Lions 019. Giraffes 020. Panthers 021. Elephants 022. Penguins 023. Seals 025. Koala bears 026. Kangaroos 027. Camels 028. Cows 029. Zebras 030. Bears 031. Snakes 032. Monkeys 034. Pandas

[Food I love] 01. Chicken 02. Beef burgers 03. Pork/bacon 04. Fish 05. Quorn 06. Sausages 07. Chips 08. French fries (omg they’re not French, stop spreading false history please) 09. Steak 010. Cheese 011. Crackers 012. Strawberries 013. Grapes 014. Apples 015. Spaghetti/pasta 016. Pizza 017. Kebab 018. Baked potato 019. Baked beans 020. Peas 021. Trifle 022. Yoghurt 023. Chocolate 024. Cake 025. Ice cream 026. Doughnuts 027. Pringles 028. Salad 029. Fruit salad 030. Bread 031. Ham 032. Oranges 033. Sandwiches

[Music I love] 01. Bubblegum pop [I.e., girl/boy bands etc] 02. Rock pop 03. Rock’n’Roll 04. Classic Rock 05. R’n’B 06. Rap 07. Hip Hop 08. Trip Hop 09. Techno/dance 010. Electronica 011. Emo 012. Indie 013. New Wave 014. Heavy Metal 015. Industrial Metal 016. Pop Metal 017. Goth Rock 018. Goth Metal 019. Power/Progressive Metal 020. Death/black Metal 022. Classical 023. Opera 024. Jazz 025. Blues 026. New Age 027. Folk 028. Celtic 029. Musicals 030. Movie Soundtracks 031. Disco

[Movies I love] 01. Fantasy 02. Rom Coms 03. Comedy 04. Horror 05. Action/Adventure 06. Thriller 07. Animation 08. Supernatural 09. Historical 010. Epic 011. Disney/kids

[Countries I’d love to visit] 01. America 02. Canada 03. South America (how is this a country? This is a continent) 04. England, UK 05. Wales, UK 06. Scotland, UK 07. Ireland 08. France (more of it) 09. Germany (more of it) 010. Belgium (lol more of it, I live in Belgium) 011. Spain 012. Portugal 013. Greece 014. Italy 015. Jamaica 016. India 017. China 018. Japan 019. Sweden 020. Denmark (more of it) 021. Holland (more of it) 022. Finland 023. Norway

[Books I love to read] 01. Non-fiction 02. History 03. True-Crime 04. Reference 05. Study Guides 06. Romance 07. Historic Fiction 08. Teenage Fiction 09. Children’s 010. Comedy/humour 011. Horror 012. Fantasy & Science Fiction

[My favourite months of the year] 01. January 02. February 03. March 04. April 05. May 06. June 07. July 08. August 09. September 010. October 011. November 012. December

[My favourite day of the week] 01. Sunday 02. Monday 03. Tuesday 04. Wednesday 05. Thursday 06. Friday 07. Saturday

[rambrosius]

Sooo my mental health has been bottom of the barrel as of late and dropping out of college (or taking a break) is becoming more and more of an option. I actually had to be transported to the ER Thursday night because of a nervous breakdown. I am also terrible at taking medicine every day and I wonder if getting a small pet (in the event that I do decide to go home) might help. I am making this post in hopes of getting some recommendations or anecdotes on if it actually does help. Some personal requests:

No fur/feathers if possible (most in my family allergic, plus these guys are more high maintenance; smaller guys like hamsters might be okay)

No big bugs (tarantulas, scorpions, hissing roaches, etc. Cool in theory, love learning about them, I hate being around them.)

No snakes (I love them but my step mom cannot stand them and would not be okay with me getting one, perhaps when I get my own place some day); other reptiles and amphibians are acceptable though

Preferably something that can be fed daily, but not necessarily a requirement (the point here is that I can take my meds at the same time that I feed them, however I am aware that most reptiles/amphibians can go without eating for days at a time and if it comes down to it then I am okay with it)

Something that doesn't require a whole lot of space (I am thinking a max of a 30 gallon tank tall or long) or materials (e.g. toys, exercise wheels, things to be constantly changed, lots of time to be outside of the enclosure.... obviously if something needs substrate and a light I'll get the substrate and a light, but the more living maintenance, the more difficult given my health, my home, and access to pet resources)

As far as food types go, anything from pellets and veggies to small insects and pinkies are okay with me. I'd also be okay with bigger mice if I were looking into bigger animals, but I don't reckon that's a concern for now.

Preferably something that can be interacted with or socialized. This is at the bottom of the list because I am least concerned here. I just know I like being able to touch animals. Fish and other aquatic creatures are fine outside of this (plus water care being difficult). Again, if you wanna mention a betta fish, a guppy, an axolotl or frog, etc, please do so and I will look into it. Mostly I am looking towards care regime and a happy medium between "I can pull you out and pet you or I can leave you alone and you'll be okay"

I am not looking for some extensive care guide, please don't feel like you have to make one if you want to recommend something. I can do the research. I am mostly just looking for "oh I have a box turtle that I adore," or "my buddy has a specific gecko or skink that meets some of these points" or something like that. I am also aware that any animal isn't going to be some pet rock that I can just let alone, and they all have some degree of care to them. I am willing to do that care, but the more difficult or taxing the care itself, the harder time I will have in ensuring that the creature will live a good life. This isn't an extensive "must meet" checklist either because I know that there is a lot of bonuses and caveats to every creature. I'm not necessarily looking into "easy", but something "easy enough that I won't be overwhelmed." Right now I am personally looking into lizards because they seem to be the best fit, but every idea is appreciated.

[handsmotif]

The Queercoding of Pinky and the Brain

This originally was just me infodumping to my friends on discord, but I decided it might be interesting to some people on here, so I polished it up and made it an actual essay lmao

To start, we’re going to break this into 2 sections -- the relationship between the mice, and Pinky’s relationship with gender, because queercoding doesn’t just mean gay!

For a 90′s show, Pinky and the Brain (and its mother show, Animaniacs) was very progressive for its time! But there were still lots of things that they couldn’t slip by censors, and thus, that’s where we have to read between the lines. And that is something I wanted to clarify here before we dive in, the actual meaning of queercoding. It’s NOT the same as queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is when the people producing certain media purposefully dangle the possibility of queer representation to lure in audiences (most prominent examples are BBC Sherlock, Riverdale, and Supernatural I GUESS? who knows abt that last one anymore), but never follow through, purely for profit. Queercoding is when media producers WANT to write in queer representation, but can’t, usually because the censors won’t let them. So, they must resort to subtext. (example: the policemen from Gravity Falls) It could also be unintentional, simply assigning certain characteristics associated with the LGBT community to characters. (example: Bugs Bunny, many Disney villains) Either way, it heavily relies on the audience picking up subtext, but whether it’s malicious or not varies, depending on the media. Bugs Bunny is an example of positive accidental queercoding, while a lot of Disney villains are negative examples.

Now, to actually discuss the gay little mice! Pinky and the Brain, whether it be intentional or not (based off comments from Maurice LaMarche, Rob Paulsen, and Tom Ruegger, signs strongly point to intentional, but it’s never been explicitly confirmed), is an example of positive queercoding.

There are many moments that I could pick out to discuss here, but we’ll start with some VERY on the nose gay metaphors. 

Remember Romy? If you don’t, that’s their actual biological son! Romy came about due to a cloning accident, where their DNA got combined and spat him out. 

There’s SO many things I could say about Romy. Every appearance he makes has an overarching gay metaphor as the plot. His first appearance in the episode Brinky (yeah it’s literally titled their ship name), it deals with his dads (WHICH I ALSO WANT TO POINT OUT, he DOES call them both dad, and they do both call him their son) disapproving of the fact that he wants to leave home and not follow in their footsteps of taking over the world. Brain even goes as far as disowning him whenever he tells him, which is certainly something a lot of queer people can unfortunately relate to. Also seen a lot in this episode is Pinky and Brain arguing even more than a married couple than usual, which pushes Romy away even further. Later, when Romy eventually does leave, and Brain starts to regret chasing him away, he tries desperately to reach out to him, but Romy doesn’t want anything to do with him. They end up tracking him down to an apartment building, where Romy is now living with his human girlfriend. When questioned about their relationship, the girlfriend, named Bunny, goes off on a tangent about how people shouldn’t judge others based on labels or relationships (hello?), and that Brain needs to be more tolerant. Brain apologizes and Romy forgives him. Happy ending.

Romy’s only other appearance is in the comics. Essentially, the plot of this one is that Brain wants to become the president of the local high school’s PTA, but he needs Romy’s help to make it look like he has a normal home life. He also enlists the help of Billie, the obligatory Woman introduced to make sure Brain doesn’t look as gay as he actually is, that he has a crush on. She pretends to be his girlfriend, and Pinky pretends to be Romy’s uncle, while they make up the story that Romy’s actual mother was lost at sea. Because if the organization found out that Brain has a son with a MAN??? THINK of the controversy! Anyway, the plan works, and Brain actually manages to get elected as president. Throughout this though, Pinky gets WEIRDLY jealous that Brain keeps brushing him aside for Billie. To the point where during Brain’s inauguration, Pinky actually dresses up as the wife/mother lost at sea and storms into the room.

[ID: Comic panels of Pinky, Brain, and Romy on stage at the inauguration ceremony. Pinky busts into room wearing drag, saying, “Yoo hoo! I’m back from years lost at sea to be with my son and ungrateful husband! Narf!” He then hugs Romy, while glaring at Brain. He goes on to say, “I’ll stand by your side, even though you left me behind!” The people in the audience begin to question this, saying, “Oh great fuzzy bangs!”, “What’d she say?!”, “He deserted her to be with that other woman!”, “What kind of monster is he?!”. Brain then rips off Pinky’s wig and says, “This isn’t my wife! This isn’t even a woman! It’s my roommate, Pinky.” Pinky replies, “Well, yes... But Romy really is my son! Poit!” And Brain responds, “N-Nonsense! He’s my son!” More people in the audience angrily speak up, saying, “What’s that?”, “He lives with a guy who likes to dress up in women’s clothing and the both claim to be that kid’s father!”, “Grumble! Mutter!” /END ID]

Needless to say, this doesn’t end well for them. What we can conclude from this is that homophobia exists in the Pinky and the Brain universe, and our characters are directly affected by it.

Moving on, And-There-Was-Only-One-Bed is a pretty common occurrence with these two. Their cage is big, they have plenty of room for two beds, but? They choose to sleep together? Even in some times where this has been inconsistent and they DO have separate beds, they’re always RIGHT next to each other. (what if we put our minecraft beds together ❤😳)

I would like to mention the episode, You’ll Never Eat Food Pellets In This Town Again! This episode is interesting to say the least. Deals with a lot of the meta of the show. Anyway. In this episode, Brain has a nightmare that he’s in a loveless marriage with Billie. You know, the woman he’s supposed to have a crush on. In the end, he wakes up from the nightmare in the same bed as Pinky.

Speaking of female love interests, Pinky is seen having multiple relationships with characters of different species. Any time this is brought up by Brain, Pinky counters with Brain being too intolerant. An honorable mention with this is in Wakko’s Wish, when Pinky is with Pharfignewton, and Brain’s constant pestering about their relationship could be read as jealousy. Pinky needs a mousy date, after all!

Something else I would like to mention is in one episode (I forget what it’s called, I’ll try to look it up later and edit this), Brain is applying for a job. The employer asks Brain if he’s married, and Brain hesitates before saying he “has a roommate,” but that he’s occupied with his own things, which then cuts to a shot of Pinky applying lipstick.

Leading into part two of this essay, Pinky’s relationship with gender! Pinky has always been very gender nonconforming, and loves to wear dresses, do his makeup, and make himself look pretty. For the most part, this is played pretty straight, and not as a gag, like a lot of shows tend to do! It’s just a casual fact about him that he likes to present femininely sometimes.

This does play into their taking over the world plans pretty often, where Pinky wears drag, usually either to sneak into somewhere. Like in one of their earliest appearances on Animaniacs, Noah’s Lark, where they pose as a couple to board Noah’s, and I quote, “love boat.” After boarding, Noah says to himself, “Who am I to judge?” Okay. Yeah. Alright. Anyway.

I actually had less to say on this than I thought I did, but I wanted to make sure to emphasize that Pinky at the very least is coded as being Not Quite Cis, and that he’s played a key part in helping a lot of people watching the show figure out that they’re also Not Quite Cis. 

Wrapping this up because I’m hungry, but I want to throw in some more honorable mentions that I really do not see any type of cishet explanations for:

They literally go on a romantic date at a very fancy restaurant in Brain’s Night Off. This is played extremely casually, and the only remark from anyone that they receive is that they are “much smaller than the usual clients.”

Pinky, on at least one occasion, daydreams about him and Brain being a married couple, and wanting to be a housewife (the original malewife ❤)

There’s an issue in the comics where Pinky has a crush on another male mouse, and when Brain gets annoyed, Pinky reassures him that he thinks Brain is cute and quite the catch too

Brain attempting to kiss Pinky in the reboot??????

Brain actually did conquer the world once in the Halloween special, because Pinky made a deal with the devil for it, and thus Pinky got sent to hell! Brain actually went to hell and gave up the world to bring him back

Brain was extremely close to conquering the world once more in the Christmas special, but after reading what Pinky’s feelings for him were (nothing romantic, just Pinky basically just praising Brain for being so hardworking and an amazing mouse, and lamenting that he never gets anything for it), he gets so emotional that he sabotages himself and wishes everyone a Merry Christmas instead

TLDR; these mice are very queer and need therapy, and are probably the most heavily queercoded characters that I can think of in children’s media.