#i am joking obviously but. there are bits of this show i genuinely enjoyed so much that i dont think ill ever rewatch

[arsenicflame]

i need someone to make me a cut of the second half of ofmd s2 but only with the bits i want to rewatch so i can simply pretend the other sections do not exist and that i enjoy the show again

[diagonal-queen]

Omg you're backkkk<3 I hope uni's going well for you!

Maybe the Hunting Dogs with a s/o who's kind of mean/petty?

Hunting Dogs with a mean S/O

♡ pairing: Fukuchi Ouchi, Jouno Saigiku, Tecchou Suehiro, Teruko Okura (platonic), Tachihara Michizou x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are the Hunting Dogs with a mean and petty S/O?

♡ cw: Swearing, u r a BULLY >:((, dw it's pretty chill though, non-graphic NSFW with Jouno, teensy bit of NSFW with Tachihara, mentions of violence, crime and torture

note: ahhh hello yes i'm back! uni's pretty great actually. i love being able to tell people i go to law school lmao, it makes me feel smarter than i am. uhh but i've been swamped and a bit busy, and i'm going back home for a week so i might not be super active over the next couple weeks, i'm so sorry my babies </3 but i'll still be lurking in case you wanna chat! as always, apologies for errors and i hope you enjoy x

Fukuchi:

Mf you think he cares?? He hired Jouno and Tachihara because they committed crimes, and he's more than happy to keep Teruko around. Bro doesn't give a FUCK that you're mean

If you're dating Fukuchi you clearly do give a shit about the welfare of society and world peace, so your individual quirks are just that. Quirks

He will fully let you just be a dickhead sometimes, because...like, why not?

I feel like Fukuchi is obviously often a very intimidating individual who strikes fear and commands respect from everyone else. But you? You just walk all over him

In some ways for him it's probably kind of refreshing to have someone around him who doesn't idolise him at all, or look up to him as a superior. It gets exhausting, for sure. Sometimes he just wants to be humbled and that's so okay Fukuchi, you deserve it actually /mean-spirited and condescending

Don't get me wrong it's not like you're an abusive partner! You're still obviously nice to your partner and you love him, but you definitely don't go out of your way to sugarcoat things or try to avoid any necessary confrontations

And Fukuchi genuinely really respects that about you. He's pretty similar like that, though still definitely goofier than you

I mean he won't want you sitting around with an RBF when he's at formal events and whatnot, because that really wouldn't have the best impression, but he's usually very gung ho about letting you be yourself

You're lucky he loves you man...lmao

Jouno:

He loves it. Full stop.

You two are just sadist central over here. Like he'll be torturing a suspect and you're just watching. Bored. Not a care in the world

(Jouno, I don't think you're legally allowed to invite your partner to watch you do your job- much less one like this, but...eh...)

You two are always just talking shit about people to each other, and like when you're out in public on dates you're just whispering to each other and judging people T-T

Lowkey kinda gets turned on when you guys argue. He thinks it's hot when you get heated and angry. Usually it ends in rough "passionate hugging", and the pillowtalk is when you both actually resolve the issue (dumbasses)

He might even purposefully rile you up sometimes because mf is just THAT much of a horny degenerate. You guys can call him classy and gentlemanly all you want, but we all know he's secretly deranged

Like an angry, horny goblin with a knife...someone stop him

Tbh you should probably bully him a little bit every now and then. I think he needs to be taken down a peg sometimes

Hey, he's more likely to listen to you than Tecchou, isn't he? Besides, it's nothing genuinely malicious. Just couple's banter

Oh, you guys are fucking LEGENDS at the couple's banter. Though you never do it in public, because a lot of the times the things you both tell each other as jokes can come off as really cruel jabs

Nah your senses of humour are just not family-friendly (violent and malicious)

You guys have very strange ways of showing your love and affection. But, hey, it works for you and that's what's important :)

Tecchou:

Ah yes, arguably the least meanie of all of the Hunting Dogs. Yeah uh he doesn't really like you at first

Tecchou doesn't understand being mean just for the sake of it. I mean like, for Teruko, she uses it in her career, and Jouno is sadistic and weird and also uses it in his career. You're just petty because you can be

But the more time you spend together the more he realises that you're really not that bad- you're really just more of the loveable asshole type

An acquired taste, yes, but this is Tecchou we're talking about! That's his thing!

He learns to appreciate the things about you that many others would probably consider flaws. He influences you for the better definitely...

...BUT you also kinda make him worse

He will adopt your 'deal with it bitch' attitude sometimes, but it doesn't hinder his relationships or work so it's fiiiiine

(Jouno isn't a huge fan of it though...but at the same time he kind of respects you)

Tecchou probably won't admit it but he really likes to listen to you rant and bitch about people you don't like. He just likes to listen to you be angry about trivial things, he finds it equal parts endearing and entertaining

If you're mean to someone who deserves it? Well I mean...who is he to stop you?

At the end of the day you're definitely emotionally self-sufficient, so that's one less part of you for him to fret over. All's well that ends well or some shit idk

Teruko (platonic):

You guys are literally the best of friends

She's the loud fiery kind of mean and you are the 'I will straight up meticulously ruin your life' kind of mean

You on some r/nuclearrevenge type shit and she fucking loves that for you

Like she's fully willing to plot and scheme with you and do whatever mean shit you suggest. You two are menaces and she should absolutely not be a military soldier

Teruko WILL smite your enemies. And by smite your enemies I mean she will actively do what she can to ruin the lives of people you don't like, with absolutely no remorse (pretty sure she actually commits crimes to do this)

She LIVES for your cruel one-liners and clever insults. Every time she hears one she absolutely hollers

Teruko enjoys it when you're mean to the other Hunting Dogs (except Fukuchi). They can handle a couple bitchy words so it's not a huge deal, but she's just extra amused by it

For the record you're not *mean* mean, you're just...humbling them (which let's be real they could use from time to time (Jouno, again, looking at you))

Nobody is surprised by your guys' friendship really

You're a dangerous pair. Please stop

Teruko kinda likes that you hold grudges so frequently because she'll never tire of hearing you shittalk the same exact people and events over and over again

She'll shittalk them too

Dia doesn't approve of this friendship

Tachihara:

You guys know that scene in B99 where Jake says that he can't decide if he's scared of Amy or turned on by her and then decides that he's both? Yea, that's Tachihara with you

He is a good person at heart, and outside of his mafia gangster persona he's really not that mean, and as such he does not encourage mean behaviour. But like, when you do it? Mm...

Bro is WHIPPED

Lowkey he probably gets some of his mafia persona ideas from you 💀

His mafia coworkers have no questions about how you two get along, and they generally like you. The other Hunting Dogs have a few more questions

Tachihara isn't some shy, quiet introvert, but he is generally pretty chill and a nice person. They like to playfully tease him about how different the two of you are (though if it gets too far he knows he can count on you to rip them a new one with no issue)

Dw they still like you though! Especially Teruko

He has absolutely no problems with you for being cold and blunt. It's nothing he himself can't handle, and in some ways it actually makes talking to you easier

Again, I'll stress that you're not mean to him, you're just not the most lovey-dovey person out there. But you DO put effort in and that's what Tachihara cares about, even if it isn't in a stereotypical way

If anything else, you're certainly loyal!

Tachihara loves you for all of your different eccentricities, and he's also kinda turned on by them. Win-win? Win-win.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

[stuckonmain]

2012 Donnie with a secret human friend who he gets caught hanging out with by one of his brothers? I

Hm, good idea

'Cuz We Need Secrets

2012 Donatello x reader

It's pretty platonic, but one could read it as like an early stage of friends to lovers if they want to. In the text though it doesn't go anywhere past friendship. It's in Don's POV, and Donnie gets he/they pronouns. The reader's gender/pronouns aren't mentioned as per usual.

Work count: 3.1k

Warnings: Light angst, the age-old 2012 Donnie vs insecurity conflict, light swearing, a mentioned past crush on April

-

  Donatello Hamato had not meant to befriend another human. Honestly, April and Casey were plenty as it was. More than plenty, actually, in Casey’s case sometimes. 

  In fact, they hadn’t even meant to befriend you in the first place, actually.

  And yet here he was, sneaking you into the lair at three in the morning. 

  Hey, it wasn’t his fault that you were curious, and as a man of science, curiosity was something he highly encouraged!

  “Ooh-kay, so you really weren’t joking about the ‘living in a sewer’ thing, huh?” you whistled, sounding more fascinated than judgemental as he opened the manhole cover. “I’ll admit it Dee, I almost believe you about the ninja thing now.”

  He rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Oh yeah, ‘cause it’s the ninja-ing that’s unbelievable, not the mutant turtle thing.”

  “Look, it’s New York! Mutant reptiles are a dime a dozen, bro. Ever seen Godzilla?” you teased.

  Donnie snorted. “That takes place in Tokyo, actually.”

  “Eh, it’s a big city. Same difference.” you said with a shrug, sticking your hands in your pockets casually- as if talking to a giant talking turtle was something completely normal for you.

  Eh, he supposed it was, at this point. But he also knew for a fact that you had not been this chill when he first met you… But then again. That one was kinda on them, seeing as they were the one who showed up in your house unprompted.

  (It hadn’t been personal! He’d needed a hiding place and your window had been open! You were basically asking for a mutant turtle teen to break in.)

  (And apparently, he had basically been asking for a human teenager to hit him with a frying pan. Okay, he had maybe deserved that one.)

  (Nonetheless, it had all worked out and you guys were buddies now! Yaaaay!)

  “-onnie? Don? Don-tron? Dee, ya there?” you said, waving a hand in front of his face, effectively snapping him out of exposition mode. 

  “-huh? Oh, right, sewers, yeah.” Donnie grinned sheepishly. “Me first or you first?”

  “Oh you, definitely. If there’s like, a sewer monster down there, I’d prefer to not be the one mauled by it.” you said definitively. 

  Donnie bit their tongue to keep from making a comment about how technically he was a sewer monster. He didn’t want you to think of him as a monster, regardless of how lighthearted the context was. 

  Honestly, it was so nice how you just treated them like a normal person- not that April didn’t, but y’know, she was…April. And he was a sewer monster. 

  Okay, that sentence didn’t make much sense: What he meant was that…April had already basically good as rejected him- whether because she genuinely didn’t like him or because he was a giant talking turtle, he had no clue. And he wasn’t even sure if April herself knew either.

  So having you, a cool as shell human teenager who didn’t owe them your life (or at least not any more so than the rest of New York), like him and enjoy their company, made him want to scream in excitement. 

  Not that they would do that, obviously. That would be-um- really embarrassing! 

  So, shaking his head, he said “Sure, I’ll use my ninja-ing on any sewer monsters we happen to come across.” 

  “Aw, my hero.” you smiled, clasping your hands dramatically.

  “Anytime.” he said, hoping they didn’t sound too awkward as he began to climb down the ladder. You followed him down, landing on the ground a few seconds after him. 

  “So am I gonna meet your brothers?” you said, looking around the tunnel curiously.

  Donnie snorted. “Absolutely not, they’d kill me. Or, alternatively, they’d tell my dad who would then kill me.” (Or alternatively to the alternatively, you’d find them all much much cooler than Donatello. And then you’d be everyone’s friend instead of just his. Not that you weren’t allowed to have other friends, obviously, but still…he kinda liked being your favorite mutant turtle, if that made any sense?) 

  “Ooh, rule breaking. Sweet.” you said, sounding slightly nervous yet somehow relaxed. He did not even slightly understand how you managed that.

  “Your family won’t like…murder me if I met them…right? Um, not because of the mutant thing, but because of the whole um…secret ninja thing.” you continued.

  “No. Um. Maybe Raph would, but probably not- If anything, they’d be scared of you murdering me.” Donnie chuckled, leading you down the subway tunnel.

  “Oh. I mean. I am entering your home secretly in the dead of night, so it…may not be entirely unfounded?” you shrugged. “But then again. Your home is a sewer, so I think that’s one point on the ‘Donnie is more likely to murder me than vice-versa’ scorecard.”

  Donnie snorted. “Oh yeah, and the ‘being a scary mutant’ part is just normal?”

  You shrugged. “The scarier part was when you showed up on my fire escape completely unannounced that one time.”

  Donnie cringed at the mental image of Donnie-of-almost-a-year-ago. “I’m sorry about that again, I thought it was normal!”

  You chuckled, patting his shell. “It’s fine dude, really. It’s hilarious in retrospect, actually, and let’s face it- you’re way too fun for me to stay mad at.”

  “Oh- you think so?” Donnie grinned. “Thanks.”

  “Although on the topic of mutants…um…really quick question, and you don’t have to answer, but…um….I’ve wondered this forever, but keep forgetting to ask you until now…” Eguh boy, here we go.

  Donnie frowned. “Um…go on?”

  “Does the space behind your shell ever itch and then you’re like. Unable to scratch it or reach it?” you said in one breath, looking slightly embarrassed as if you were asking something incredibly personal and maybe offensive.

  Donnie blinked, trying their best not to laugh.

  “...No?!”

  “Oh okay cool. That’s good. That’s important. I’m happy for you.” you said, nodding.

  “It’s like how it doesn’t itch under your fingernails, y’know?” Donnie chuckled.

  “Huh. I guess that makes sense.” you said thoughtfully.

  “Oh, here we are!” Donnie said, smiling as you stepped towards the turnstiles. “Lair sweet lair.”

  You whistled. “Pretty neat! So this is where the secret science stuff happens?”

  “Actually, that’s over here.” he said, waving proudly at the garage door by the entrance. 

  “Wooooah! You’ve got a sick personal lab?!” you grinned, stepping inside. “Oooh and it’s all purple too? I love this!”

  “Ooh let’s keep the volume down and- oh my gosh, you think so?! Thanks! It’s mostly stuff I stole- um I mean found- from that old military junkyard, but uh hey! At least it’s purple!” they rambled, tossing their bo from hand to hand.

  “There is no way that that’s legal,” you said, wandering around the lab. “Which just makes this all so much cooler, of course.”

  “You could come with me next time!” …Idiot! “Um- if you want, obviously, no pressure-” he backpedaled. 

  “No, that sounds fantastic. I’d love to accompany you to the junkyard.” you said sincerely, before pausing. “....Woah….hey Dee, what’s with the um…organs in a tube?” you said.

  Donnie winced. Of course. “Oh…that’s Timothy.”

  “...Timothy.” you repeated. “Care to…y’know, elaborate?”

  Donnie swallowed. “I still feel pretty awful about him…he was some human that wanted to become a vigilante, and um…got himself mutated.” they sighed, staring at the glowing remains. “I’m trying to turn him back, make a retromutagen…but um…I haven’t had any luck yet.” he finished glumly.

  “Jeez.” you said softly. “That is…pretty brutal.”

  “Yeah…” Donnie shrugged. “Um…yeah. I wish there was more I could do for him. Mostly I wish I had done a better job of stopping him…poor guy wasn’t too bright, but he definitely doesn’t deserve this…”

  You patted them on the shoulder. “Hey, knowing you, you probably did your best, Dee.”

  “Well, I certainly tried, but…I dunno. I should have tried harder.” he sighed, leaning into your shoulder pat that had somehow morphed into a side-hug. 

  “Well if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that you do your best Don. And plus, you’re working on that retromutagen, so hey! Maybe Timothy will be Timothy again someday, right?” you smiled.

  “Yeah…” Donnie said, smiling half-heartedly. “Well…sorry about this, I’m being such a downer, huh?”

  “Hey, s’okay! And Dee…I dunno much about chemistry, but if there’s anything I can do to help, lemme know, okay? Like anything. Even just bringing you snacks. I’m great at snacks.” you grinned.

  “Really?” they smiled, more sincerely this time. “Gee (Y/N). That’d be great, actually- I have this bad habit where I forget to eat when I’m working, so that might actually help a lot to be honest! Man, you’re the best.” he grinned.

  “I know, I know.” you said, tossing your hair. “Everyone says so- and I mean like, yeah no I totally get it, I am so cool.”

  “Hey, you know what, I’ll believe it.” Donnie chuckled. “You’re definitely pretty c-”

  “Hey Donnie, ya mind telling me why you’re all cozied up with a human?”

  Donnie froze. 

  Uh oh.

  “I think I was too loud.” you mouthed, eyes wide.

  Donnie slowly turned around to see a short turtle with a cracked plastron and a look in his eyes that gave Donnie a very bad feeling.

  “Hi Raph.” they squeaked.

  “Hi Raph.” you echoed, waving weakly.

  Raph narrowed his eyes, glaring at Donnie. “...So you finally get a partner and then keep it secret?” he smirked. “Come on Don! I promised I’d stop calling you sad-dorable!”

  Donnie blinked, flustered. “N-no Raph, (Y/N)’s not my partner-”

  “Sad-dorable?” you grinned, staring at Raph. “That’s…that’s pretty good, actually!”

  “Right?! Mikey and Leo just said it was ‘unempathetic’- see Don, your partner gets it!” Raph grinned, prodding Donnie’s shoulder.

  “Speaking of Leo.” said a new voice.

  This time, both Raph and Donnie looked nervous. “Uh…heya, Fearless.” said Raph awkwardly, glancing over his shoulder.

  “What the heck are you two doing with a human at three in the morning?!” Leo exclaimed, looking incredibly done with his siblings’ crap. “God forbid a guy get any rest around here…”

  “Aw shuddup Leo, you weren’t asleep.” Raph scoffed.

  Leo suddenly looked a bit nervous. “Sure I was.”

  “No, you were writing-”

  “-I was writing a short story!” Leo said unconvincingly.

  “Yeah, aka Captain Ryan x reader fanfiction.” Raph said flatly. 

  “Shut up Raphael.” Leo mumbled, blushing. Donnie resisted the urge to laugh in favor of stepping in front of you protectively.

  “So what, has the whole lair decided to show up in my lab tonight?” Donnie said, rolling his eyes.

  “Um-”

  “Go back to bed Mikey.” they sighed, not even having to turn around to know that their youngest brother was there now too. “Actually, all of you, just go back to bed. Please.”

  “Not fair, I wanna meet your secret lover!” Mikey groaned.

  “-Friend! We are friends!” Donnie exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration. “(Y/N) is my secret friend because you guys feel the need to drag our friends into the stupid ninja nonsense, and last time that happened, look what it did to Timothy!” they yelled.

  Maybe they were exaggerating a bit. But he didn’t want you to get inevitably wrapped up in the world of aliens and mutants, and being around their brothers was a surefire way of ending up in it. 

  And on a more selfish note, maybe Donnie liked having one friend that was just his. Raph had Casey, Mikey had Renet, Leo had Karai, and Donnie…well, arguably there was April, but then, she thought of him as a repulsive sewer monster. 

  Maybe, as selfish as it was, Donnie wanted to have just one friend who liked him more than their brothers. 

  Raph, Leo, and Mikey stared at him. You also stared at him.

  Donnie blinked, slowly lowering his hands. He swallowed. “Um. So. Yeah.”

  Mikey raised his hand, but didn’t bother waiting to be called on. “Casey didn’t end up like the Pulverizer, and he’s friends with us!”

  Raph shrugged. “Well yeah, but to be fair, Casey’s also kinda like a roach. I’m pretty sure he’s impossible to kill.”

  You raised your hand like Mikey had. “Um, for the record, I don’t think I’ll be falling into a vat of mutagen any time soon. It’s ah…y’know, not exactly on the agenda.”

  Donnie sighed, staring at the ground. “I know, I know…but like…What if. What if something happens and I can’t save you. What then? (Y/N), you mean a lot more to me personally than Timothy- I don’t know what I’d do if you got hurt because of us.” they whispered.

  Leo sighed. “It’s dangerous, yeah. We can’t deny that. But Dee…you didn’t have to keep it secret either.”

  Raph coughed something that sounded like ‘Karai’, and Leo shot him a glare. 

  “We both know that was different.” he hissed.

  “Cough- hypocrite- cough-” Raph continued.

  You snorted. “I mean…well Dee, they know now, y’know? I don’t really plan on dealing with your ninja stuff, but if it makes ya feel any better, I took a bunch of martial arts classes a couple years ago. Obviously I’m not a freaking ninja, which is very cool and I believe you now by the way, but like…y’know, I can fight decently.”

  “Oh yeah? Wanna spar?” said Raph, grinning.

  “Not at three in the morning.” you dismissed.

  “Aw.”

  “Maybe tomorrow though.” you coughed.

  “Nice.” Raph smirked, cracking his knuckles.

  “Really?” Donnie said flatly.

  “Uhm if Donnie’s not cool with it then I guess we can’t.” you said bluntly, giving Don a look.

  Donnie sighed. He did kinda sound like a jerk, huh? “Whatever.” he said finally, fidgeting with their staff strap. “So um. Surprise, I guess. We’ve got a new friend!” they said, trying to smile at his brothers.

  You stared at him for a second longer before Leo, who had looked kinda tired and ambivalent the whole time, suddenly jolted towards you. “Oh my god is that a SPACE HEROES SHIRT?!” he exclaimed.

  You grinned. “Yeah! You like Space Heroes?!” 

  “Are you KIDDING? I love Space Heroes!” he squealed, bouncing up and down in a very Mikey-esque way. “Donnie I take it all back, your friend is amazing.”

  Donnie gave a strained smile. “...Yup.”

  Mikey gave him a look this time as he stepped away from the group. “Hey brah, are you…jelly?” 

  …At least he had the courtesy to whisper.

  “What makes you say that?” Donnie mumbled.

  “Well I mean…instead of like, being happy about your friend being like, friendly and bonding with us, you’re like…mad, dude.” Mikey said, poking them in the cheek. “Lookit that scowl bro! It says things, dude.”

  “Is it that obvious?” Donnie sighed, both annoyed and relieved that Mikey had noticed his frustration.

  “It’s pretty obvious, yup.”

  “Coolio.” 

  “Wanna talk about it?” Mikey said. 

  Now normally, a talk with Mikey meant a lotta joking and Mikey being purposely annoying. But something about the way Mikey sounded so earnest made Donnie say:

  “Eh…sure. (Y/N)’s busy, anyways.” 

  “C’mon, I gotta get my therapist boxers on.” Mikey said.

  “I’m already regretting this.” Donnie deadpanned. “Since when does ‘Dr. Prankenstein’ have a therapy license?”

  “Okay, okay man- no therapist boxers, I gotcha.” Mikey nodded, dragging Donnie to the far corner of the lab, where they sat down against the wall. “So what’s scraping your shell, dude?”

  “Oh jeez. Please never say that again.”

  “Ya dodged the question, D-man. D-person. D-gender neutral term.” 

  “Well…I guess it’s just that…I don’t know. It’s kind of unfair of me, but…well, (Y/N)’s my friend. You guys have your friends, so why can’t I have one friend who’s just there for…me, y’know?” Donnie tried to explain, watching you chat animatedly with Raph and Leo. “Anyways, of course (Y/N)’s getting along with everyone. (Y/N)’s awesome…and Raph and Leo are cool and strong…and obviously I’m hypercompetent too, but they’re the A-team for a reason…so I guess it’s just…well, next to them, who would ever wanna hang out with me?” 

  Mikey stared at them. “Um…(Y/N), probably? I mean like…you guys’ve been friends like…waaaaay longer than (Y/N) and Raph or (Y/N) and Leo, brah. And anyways, lookit how (Y/N) keeps looking at you, dude! It’s ‘cause you’re being weird and your friend is worried ‘bout it, yanno?”

   Donnie snorted. “Sure.”

  “Hey (Y/N), if you become friends with us you won’t ditch Donnie here, right?” Mikey hollered.

  “Mikey-”

  You raised an eyebrow. “...Wait, is that why you’re being weird, Don-tron?!”

  “No- I mean- Maybe, I mean- it’s stupid, really-” they rambled.

  “Yeah no that’s really fucking stupid.” you said.

  “Jeez Don, really?” Raph said. 

  “Hey-”

  “Not now dude, they’re dealin’ with brain stuff and…stuff.” Mikey said wisely, ushering Raph and Leo away.

  You shook your head, coming over to the corner. “I mean- dude, we’ve been besties for what, a year now? Ya really think I’d ditch you like that?” you grinned, holding out your hand to help them up.

  They took it hesitantly, smiling softly. “You mean…I’m your best friend?”

  You nodded. “Yeah, I mean, I’d say so.”

  “Oh.” he said, squeezing your hand. “I uh…didn’t know that. You’re mine, obviously, I just didn’t think I was yours.” they murmured, suddenly overcome with a weird, sweet emotion that he wasn’t quite sure how to describe. 

  “I can still befriend your brothers, dude…they’re cool. I like your family. But I like you best, so you don’t needa get all insecure on me, doofus.” you smiled. “And if you're still worried about safety, then you should teach me how to make cool weapons. Because not only would that be metal as fuck, but it would also be a great excuse to hang out with you.”

  Donnie laughed. “Sure!”

  There was a beat of silence, and Donnie glanced at you. “But um…I’m really sorry about tonight, (Y/N). I was…well, am being kind of a jerk, huh? Eugh. Sorry.”

  You shrugged. “I mean yeah, but like, you talked it through and now we both are closer for it, right? And besides- meeting your brothers was awesome. But between the two of us, my favorite part of tonight has been hanging with you, you dork.”

  Donnie grinned. “Same.”

  You smiled at them again, and squeezed their hand one more time. “Ready to go face the others?”

  “Ohhh boy, I should probably apologize to them too, huh?” Donnie winced, pushing the garage door open.

  “Eh, I mean sure. Why not-”

  But it was not their brothers who were waiting outside.

  “Why is there a stranger in the lair? And more importantly- WHY ARE ALL MY CHILDREN OUT OF BED?” exclaimed Splinter, emerging from the shadows.

  Oh no.

-

[intermittent-showers]

My opinion of the sOciAl mEdiA hAbiTs oF ThE cAsT aNd cReW oF 911 - using "logic."

Kenny and Co. posted a controversial video joking about casting couches and clearly shows Ryan "getting the role" for his "performance." This was coming off of that podcast Ryan did for Lab & Lecture.

Now, I think it's important to mention the podcast, seeing as a big portion of the interview discussed Ryan's role in The Boy Next Door, which Ryan starred in with Jennifer Lopez and there were rumors about the two of them being together. [X]

And I'm sure the cast and even the crew poked at him (friendly) about it, thus it being fresh in their minds. (I am not defending them just stating my thought process regarding their thought process).

I also want to shift towards the actual podcast itself. It was done now, meaning Ryan is well into his role as Eddie, and yet Ryan was never asked that million dollar Buddie question. And that's strange because this podcast is new, Ryan's episode was only S1e8 for the podcast. Now I ask you, if you're an up and coming podcast looking for traction, why wouldn't you gear it towards those fans? Why wouldn't you bait when a majority of the twitter journalists live to bait.

Could be because Ryan is friends with the guy. The interview was very "bro-y." But it could also be that the Podcaster wasn't allowed to ask about it. Cause 911 was discussed. Instead of talking and the one topic that would guarantee clicks and views, instead they talked about Ryan's boundaries and how he won't do certain things.

Inch resting... yet, moving on.

Then Ryan suddenly gets on twitter the same day that the casting couch video was posted. Which really made no sense to me except for obviously a distraction from that video, but then I thought about it for a few days and I think I might have a reason for it.

I don't think any of the cast really pay attention to comments. I hope they don't for their own mental health. But I do think the comments on that casting couch video were brought to their attention. And I think it started a discussion amongst the trio.

Kenny isn't really a social media expert (lol) so I'm assuming he doesn't even know wtf twitter is.

Oliver will never set foot on that app ever again so he wasn't about to go look.

But Ryan... well, Ryan's been on a heterosexual Eddie Campaign since the 5th episode of season 7. So I believe he wanted to see what was happening.

Type in "Ryan Guzman" on Twitter, and all you'll see is "Buddie this" "Buddie that" Eddie Diaz is unfrosting" etc etc. Nothing about the character of Eddie, that Ryan is happy to portray mind you, is being discussed.

And that has to be annoying. It has to be upsetting and even a bit gross.

I feel as if this discovery sparked a conversation. Not that they haven't discussed the Buddie of it all before but I think Ryan probably asked, "Am I not being clear enough?" "Am I leading people on?"

What do you do when your talent genuinely has these questions?

You contact the people who know statistics for the show. The PR team.

And they look into it, seeing all the weird ass takes and Wizard of Oz theories. That combined with the Olympics, they posted this to the 911 on ABC page:

1. They could have used any variations of the award ceremony for this post but they chose to include all of them.

2. The busy bees they are referring to are the fans... not the characters. They're saying the fans have been busy making theories of S8. They've seen them so they added the tornado emoji to say, "we see your theories and they're fun but completely off track." They have to be poking fun because if those fan theories were remotely close, they'd post something to distract from them, not shed more light.

So I believe the cast and crew enjoy reading the crazy theories. I think it's something they've started doing in between takes to pass the time.

So when Ryan posted that tiktok to his Instagram story, it was another example of him having a laugh at the completely wrong theories.

Only positive for these things is that thanks to most of fandom going off the rails, I'm confident we're going to see something this week that will be Tevan related.

So, thank you! Keep the delusional takes coming!

[notebookmusical]

I truly can’t pinpoint when/what exactly changed about Taylor’s fans/fandom but the last few years (especially the midnights release) has really soured things for me and it’s honestly quite disappointing as someone who genuinely enjoys her music and thinks she’s a great artists. how did we get to the point of not even being able to voice an opinion about taylor without being crucified online. or if heaven forbid you dislike a song/album or enjoy the work of one of her exes (john mayer, the 1975, calvin harris, etc)

i’ve always been very fascinated/intrigued by the relationship between celebrities and their fans. and i think it’s really interesting to look back and think about how taylor built her fanbase by making herself as palatable/relatable/approachable as possible. like secret sessions, t party/loft 89/rep room, swiftmas, lover diaries, etc — all of which allow for fan interaction — but also relies on people getting noticed which then in turn encourages people to be as vocal? extra? whatever it is. which then feeds into the "who is a bigger / better fan" competition. i'm speaking from personal experience here, as someone who has liked her since debut — but i think a lot of this is also rooted in how much of the world hated taylor swift prior to ... i want to say folklore, really — like it was deeply uncool to like taylor swift, to be a swiftie, etc. and because a lot of that early criticism was rooted so much in misogyny, i think fans felt the need to (over the years) defend her — and i was one of those! i still am, when i feel like people are criticizing her unfairly. but i think that lends into the "taylor swift has never done anything wrong, and she's perfect and if you disagree then you're against us and you're a fake fan" mentality.

and then i think there's an element of ... not necessarily a superiority complex, but a something among fans who have met taylor. it's a genius marketing move, intentions aside. taylor's music is very personal — and taylor's marketing, and persona is very personal, in a way that other artists prior to taylor weren't, i think. relatability sells. you can see it in the way that people talk about her, and her music. which is very different from the way people talk about other artists — and obviously there isn't anyone else out there with the amount of fame/popularity as her, but you don't see the same amount of fanfiction-writing personal-life-speculating-projection onto other artists' lyrics as you do with taylor. and i think that when someone is that vulnerable with their thoughts, it makes it easy for people to think that they know them personally.

and i think that — as much as i love taylor — it's important to talk about her white woman feminism mentality. and i think that also seeps into how her fanbase interacts with her. the ginny & georgia "joke" is what comes to mind the quickest, but there are countless instances of taylor's white woman feminism — and her benefiting from it. and obviously it was in her right to call out a misogynistic comment, especially one directed at her, but not saying anything when the actress got so much hate for a line she didn't write ... made me feel a bit 🥴. it's interesting to see who taylor will choose to align herself with, i guess is all i'm saying.

i've really taken a step back from taylor — not just because the fandom is exhausting ( the amount of things i've seen about her, joe, travis, etc. is ... something! it's all projection! we do not know anything about these people other than what they choose to show us! ) but also because of her saying that she wanted to be on the right side of history and then over and over again choosing to be increasingly passive and silent. she will call herself an ally but won’t even talk about queer rights; she won’t talk about the literal genocide that’s going on. gun control, abortion rights, anything at all. it's just "go vote" but even that is incredibly passive. but she will take time to remind us to buy new variants, and to stream her music, and that her ex sucks.

i think there was a huge shift that started with folklore/evermore, just given that there weren't a lot of albums being put out during that time, the overwhelming public reception to it — a lot of people who previously didn't care for (or disliked) taylor started to like her, to give her a second chance, etc. then we get into the rerecordings era/midnights/etc., which started off with fearless and nostalgia and then became "how quickly can i put out the next thing". and bailey @placeinthisworld posted this earlier, which i fully agree with. it's about the next award, the next milestone. it's just all quantity. it's overexposure.

and then we have the joe alwyn breakup and the public response to that was also ... interesting. like i saw people crying over it, or saying that love is a lie, removing things from their playlists, acting like they were the ones who had been broken up with. which is just ... odd, given that we aren't the ones in the relationship. and now there are all these comments about being a "joe defender". and then with taylor dating travis, it feels almost like some weird american pipe dream unfulfilled fantasy for so many people — the singer and the american football player. and obviously, i want her to be happy! i don't care who she dates! but i do think the public reception about her and travis has been ... incredibly odd, and i think that the way people talk about her and travis is just ... very ... off-putting and is very rooted in some weird ... stuff. "she finally gets to be small :(((((" is such a weird thing to say. it feels like there's even more projection and self-insert-y stuff with her dating travis, which is a level i did not think was possible from her fans (and more so, the general public).

i have not felt this ... detached and impassive about a taylor release, ever, and it just makes me incredibly sad because i love her music, and am excited about the work, just not excited about the public reception, the public autopsy of her and joe's relationship, or the noise, and i know that internet spaces (and spaces in general) are what we curate, but it's also difficult when she is everywhere.

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

i am obSESSSSED with how you write coop 🫶 but i have to ask.. do you have any thoughts about maximus? 👀 my boy needs some loving..

General Maximus Headcanons

(NSFW under the cut)

SFW:

It was so nice to get to see this cutie pie experience a little bit of pampering when he and Lucy were staying in Vault 4. Here are some other mundane pleasures that I think he's never experienced but would greatly enjoy: the concept of a DVR, playing literally any video game on a nice PC setup, one of those solid four-poster beds, Mongolian barbecue, a full body massage at a legit massage parlor (that is, if he could be trusted to not sin all over the place in the middle of it a la that virgin guy Luanne almost married in that one episode of King of the Hill).

Zero ability to gauge friendliness. If you're nice to him, he's suspicious that you want something from him/are trying to manipulate him (or that you wanna fuck him once someone explains the concept of proper flirting to him). Struggles to make friends that feel genuine. Yearns for a type of companionship he's never had before just like he yearns for a safe home he's never really known.

Seeing him watch TV in Vault 4 made me think about what sort of things he'd like to watch, and I think he seems like he'd really like slice-of-life/laugh track type sitcoms. Something comforting and nice where people's problems are less "life and death" and more about showing that they love one another. This man would love, like, Ted Lasso.

He's real touchy about his brand scar (the whole Titus thing in general, actually). Best not to ask too many questions about it and keep quiet if he brings it up.

Much like Cooper, this man is such a sucker for inside jokes. He wants to be included so badly that feeling like he's in on a bit will make him SO happy. He'll run the joke into the ground in his excitement, but that's okay.

NSFW:

We've seen that he obviously lacks comprehensive sex education, and I think that would be a breeding ground for the guy to have a bunch of very niche kinks.

All sorts of things you do get him worked up for reasons he absolutely doesn't understand, and half the time he doesn't even really realize that what he's feeling is arousal/sexual frustration, so you may find that, early on, he gets annoyed and instead asks you to stop doing those things in front of him because they "bother him". These include: pulling your hair up away from your neck/face, licking your fingers when you eat, resting your head in his lap when he's sitting down.

Doesn't jerk off and as a result has insane nocturnal emissions about once a week. Well, he thinks they're nocturnal emissions, once someone explains to him what that is. He's actually humping his mattress to completion most of the times it happens. He assumes this happens to literally everyone.

I think he would love mutual masturbation as a low-stakes way to share some intimacy with you without having to worry about touching or being touched "right". Plus, it would be a good opportunity to study the way you like to be stimulated without feeling like a creep.

MASSIVE mommy kink. It just makes too much sense. He so deeply desires that sense of safety and unconditional acceptance that comes with having a proper 'home' that I think if you babied him a little, he'd be yours forever. Absolutely just wants to bury his face into your breasts and comfort suckle while you jerk him off. This man calls you "mama" when he cums.

[vermillioncrown]

This is going to be a huge post because you've picked up so much of what we put down I'm just 🥰🥹

@sunshinerotting replied to your post “(@rozaceous) dpnf ch 11: housebroken”:

will be rereading immediately but i love your guys’ characters very much and the way you write the canon characters makes so much sense. the way the people in that house interact with each other is so interesting to me because if tim was actually the normal boy he thinks he is the entire balance would be thrown off. no one else could’ve done what he does in that dynamic. they’re like a jigsaw puzzle to me. i have more thoughts give me a sec

thank you so much! roz and i keep joking that this fic is now an au of an au of an au of an au... and on and on, and then it's like. what makes this still a fic and not a fully original setting and work? we had to sell readers on a lot, that these characters (outside of our SIs) were still some flavor of canon. especially, "who is the core of tim drake?" and yeah, he's so not fucking normal. but he's not obviously wacky, either.

​out of order now i don’t remember chapter numbers: when jason showed up like a huge asshole i texted my friend about it. very much “he WOULD fucking do that but by god is it PISSING ME OFF” and it was!! love that genuinely. might not be what was intended but i do think he IS odd and sad and unable to move through the cycle of grief fully enough to show back up like a haunting and not expect it to get to allie like that. zero ability to understand how loved he is. 10/10 more...

GAH to know you texted abt our fic!!!! 🥹🥹🥹 best praise tbh. and the second sell: how is jason an asshole but worth rooting for later? or at least, allowed into the enclosure lol. we might not have had it summarized as neatly as you did, but roz and i are in full agreement you Read jason here. that's exactly what we wanted, that's so much of what we take from his character in various canons.

allie reminds me of a bobcat which feels weird to say but she’s so nonthreatening outwardly and she minds her business but the second someone steps in on her people it’s like Oh. oh right. teeth and claws. when jason showed back up i felt so much for her. there was no way for her to move. korvin acts in ways similar to me, which i will examine on my own time and not in your comments. i do love how everyone in this house has their own preferred flavor of Avoidance

you also have such a read on allie, i love it. i'll leave her to roz but i'll say my piece that i sometimes get bummed that korvin's so obviously wacky + a lot of gender stuff at play (the audience/demographic of ff readers, we live in a society and all that) that make more ppl focus on korvin over allie whereas they're both equally wack. and korvin's behavior makes the most sense when taken as a convoluted male re-socialization of someone initially female-socialized but rewarded in a male-dominated space. AND both of them are AuDHD, word of god putting that out there. add on the isekai brainworms, and yeah, isekai is just an extended analogy for masking → hence the different flavors of avoidance

tim is somehow the most well-adjusted in this regard, before jason shows up maybe, and thats so crazy. tim drake. Tim Drake ????comparatively well-adjusted to anyone ??? i know i’m forgetting something so i’ll come back but writing that down genuinely through me off a little bit. lol

you also recognize that jason ranks above tim in "well-adjusted" here, god, how does it feel to be so correct. and tim is well-adjusted here! he's never had to be a vigilante! but he's also much lonelier than in canon. something that made retrospective sense while we were writing is that he fell out of liking ball sports (despite not being a desk nerd) is that...who does he have to enjoy them with in this au?

threw not through. anyway I FORGOT ABOUT RUTABAGA. I AM SO SORRY RUTABAGA. the amount of love between the characters is so important to me bc it’s always there no matter how fucked the bats are about showing it normally. the brownstone does end up feeling like a safe space like it somehow feels so easy most of the time and then when tangential forces (sorry dick) show up it’s like the air changes. but allie and korvin and tim all have such Personalities its insane it works out like that.

RUTIE BEST GIRL, forgiven lol. YES YES YES there is so much love and it's like, the love doesn't stop you from doing the work. the bats are so fucked up, and we only get a glimpse of dick and korvin's relationship where you can see the maladapted consequences on both of their parts, dick not being fully equipped to "raise" korvin and korvin wanting to be easy/convenient for dick. and korvin's deep-seated not-abandonment issues tied with family and cultural trauma/burden.

(i still stand by the "good older brother dick grayson" tag, he's just. oh there's a lot. if you read between the lines there's so much being implied for TPAC)

but having allie in this 'verse, allie and korvin together ground each other. that's why they're so co-dependent in the beginning (it's healthier at the end), that's why they still had the wherewithal to seek an outside friend, and yes, that is why the brownstone is like that. their place that they made with their own hands.

obviously jason was an issue initially (it felt redundant to write that sentence) but he’s such a necessary part of them by being 1) necessary to allie and 2) the catalyst allie and korvin needed to end up where they are. i do think ppl that important to each other need one big unavoidable conflict to avoid stagnation like obviously he was a necessary part of the story but he was a Necessary Part Of The Story. does this make sense?? four strand braid.

AND YES DUDE you literally. we were writing this and we had the vibe, but we literally did not articulate it to each other until the very end that jason's actually necessary to make all of them normal. i love everything you're saying about needing one unavoidable conflict to resolve. he is part of a four strand braid. it's so strong. it's critical. korvin still finds jason annoying and vice versa. and yet they'd both say the household contains all of them by the end.

i just like that they start off alone and end up together. that’s my thing. jigsaw puzzle. polycule of all time. i can’t think of a way in which another person would ever get that close to them the dynamics are so perfect to me. every need is accounted for. its like a perfect little box in my mind. i think thats it for now lol i’m happy you guys write together. not just bc i love it but also bc it’s so clear u guys have fun doing it and that makes me happy <3

WE MADE IT. it's one thing to prescribe "hey guys this is a polycule" but selling it? the logistics of a polycule? not so easy, and it has to be tailored to the situation and characters. not all of them are romantically/sexually involved, nor do they have straight-forward relationships (hence, qpr), so having you say it fits and they seem seamless is like. top tier praise. coherence, it's everything we've aimed for.

thank you for all of your thoughts! we do have tons of fun and that's why we love sharing what we have! and we hope to keep doing projects like this, or we'll just be at each other's side while we work on our individual fics.

[logan-lieutenant]

i didn't win the wheel: episode 4

here we go, episode 4! compared to some of the others, pretty understated, but it's definitely one of my favorites. why? I'LL TELL YOU WHY (that's what i do) (and that's what you're here for) (i think)

Logan: "Whoever can guess the most fake team names–" leans in dramatically and smirks at the camera– "gets to spin that wheel."

Alex: "It's our biggest highlight of the weekend."

okay SO! episode 4, and here we're introducing one of my favorite things about this whole series. i've said it before, i'll say it again; alex thinks this is stupid. he enjoys doing the challenges and messing around with logan (obviously) and i think he enjoys being given an actual reason to do something silly and weird, he just thinks the concept is dumb. but he's starting to become endeared to it, more amused than annoyed. and logan is picking up on this, as he has been the whole time. so far logan has been a little gremlin, knowing when and what and how to annoy alex as he fumbles through this ridiculousness. and something that will become a theme of this show **that starts today** is logan starts his own bit just for alex– the camera gets right in on it too. look at that ridiculous random close-up. he stares right into the lens with the most plastic game-show-host raised eyebrow/smiling eyes ever. he does that stupid thing hosts do when they hype up something so much it literally almost gets freaky, like he's trying to be straight up seductive talking about That Wheel ™, and to alex– underwhelmed, fed-up, "why am i here" alex, this is fucking hilarious. as soon as logan delivers the line he leans back to look at alex because he knows exactly how that joke will land. and he's right. alex goes from just fidgeting on the table and staring at literally nothing to smiling for the first time, shaking his head, and then picking up to continue the bit. and logan's so proud of himself that he's brought this little twist of humor, he looks at alex waiting for the reaction, almost tantalizing himself and of course alex reacts exactly how logan thought he would and his smile goes from playful and mischievous to just genuinely endeared

also, let's talk a little bit about how the game progresses; "real-or-fake" with some bizarre football team names. for the first third, maybe even half of the game, the dynamic is pretty predictable. alex looks confused, doubtful. he does all his thinking out loud, mulling over either option, looking behind the camera at the questioners as if he can trick them into giving something away. logan sits back quietly, thoughtfully, and gives a one-word answer while alex rambles. but as the game goes on, we see logan start to kind of open up. he responds with a little bit more expression, even a tiny bit of emotion in his voice, and eventually he starts thinking out loud just like alex is doing. only while alex is thinking out loud to the staff, waiting for some hint of an answer, logan is thinking out loud to alex. turning his head. not saying a whole lot but only delivering his answer to the crew and then turning around to see how alex will react. they both start to remember it's a competition, alex with "i've got to catch you somehow" (oh do you) and logan "you could've brought it back!" (oh could he). it goes from a challenge to a game.

eh, nothing much to say about this particular moment. just logan leaning into alex waiting on his answer. just alex failing again in the same way (thinking it's too fake to be fake) and logan celebrating his win. just alex tossing his head in logan's direction with a sheepish smile and then logan tilting his head up slowly and gazing at alex and taunting him with his eyes. just logan saying "two up, baby!" while smiling at alex and then alex laughing again and then immediately having to turn away and cast his eyes down. just that i guess.

THIS! okay yes this is a pivotal moment!

we've seen physical contact in grid friendships before. a lot. like a lot a lot (if you're racing with carlos sainz, i mean come on, what are you expecting). it's natural, it's comfortable, it's even expected– so many of these guys have literally grown up racing against each other. formula 1 isn't anyone's first-year orientation, most of them have either known each other or known of each other for years. with some people it's different; oscar isn't super big on physical contact. zhou's level of introversion is like if a cat became a monk (which i admire). with these two in particular, with each other– it's not that they don't like contact or that it just doesn't come naturally, but the concept itself holds a certain level of anxiety. they're complete opposites. even on the same team, their situations and environments are so different, it's like they don't even have that solid ground to share. logan is alone at williams, alex is their golden boy even though everyone (including himself) knows that he's outperforming that car. and they both have to put on a smile and carry their team's image off track because the car can't do it on track. by all means their relationship should be strained, especially in these "hey can you guys pretend to be happy for us" videos, or at the very least hold a professional sort of iciness. so physical affection? why would that even come up? but throughout this series they've both tried leaning into each other, looking a little too close, holding eye contact for maybe a bit longer than expected. and it's not just one person making the move, it's both of them testing the waters at random intervals, hesitant and anxious and double-checking for approval immediately before or after. earlier in the video logan half-raises his arm and almost leans into alex like he's planning to reach out and shies away, thinks better of it. and then alex gets something right and he's so happy about it and still at the point where he's surprised to be getting anything right at all and logan just reaches out and gives him that reassuring pat on the knee. like bros do. except his expression turns totally flat when he does and his voice gets kind of flat too and nonchalant and he's nervous as fuck and trying to hide it because this is like a test. he doesn't know how alex is going to react and he's forcing himself to be as casual as possible to the point where it stands out because now alex has to be as casual as possible and there's no chance to make it weird. except what alex does is yeah he laughs and he's happy that he scored and then he turns and looks at logan and suddenly the happiness intensifies and his smile is so much brighter and that's when logan reaches out and alex is almost surprised at the touch but he's not and it's just sweet and smooth and comfortable

YES OKAY HERE WE GO! so logan is an overthinker by nature and definitely so after that one knee pat (he's totally thinking in circles about this). he still glances at alex *a lot* but suddenly now his glances are fleeting, at one point he's in the process of turning his head and he literally interrupts his own movements to turn around and look back to the questioner. and up to this point he doesn't reach out again at all. BUT alex is actually catching up with the game and he finally gets the question that ties their score and then he reaches out? and literally makes the most awkward noise possible it's like "heeEeeuh" because he's trying to laugh and he's trying to say like hey look at that i beat you but now he's ALSO overthinking. because he's nervous and trying to read the right signals but he knows he's excited and he knows that logan's set a tone and he's making the same move with the same amount of apprehension. it almost looks forced because they don't do this they don't know how to do this but they're figuring it out and they're comfortable and they're realizing that maybe this doesn't have to be scary and maybe they can just be this with each other!!

UH YEAH WHAT DID I SAYYY! alex is getting more excited as he starts finally getting ahead in the game. the names are just as weird, he and logan both put as much thought (probably too much) into figuring out if they're real or not, but the reactions just get more and more intense on the answers. as they find out who's correct. and logan's happier and he's getting bolder and he's both shocked and elated like "this worked?? this is okay now??" and now compared to his usual somewhat sedate mannerisms he's like all over alex. it doesn't look like something that comes naturally to him, it looks awkward, it looks too thought-out... because it is. because he's waiting for someone to tell him to stop. he's waiting to feel like he's doing the wrong thing because good things can never last. but alex isn't pushing him away or moving his chair away or giving any sort of sign that he wants this tone to change. instead he's like letting logan move him, kind of like either relaxing or melting into him to the point where he's letting logan push him around and he keeps doing that smiling/eyes light up/suddenly too much/look away combo that we know is just teasing logan at this point. and they both look nervous and uncertain and so much less sure but so much more energized than anything this series has brought us before.

[prize wheel lands on Alex mini helmet]

Logan: "It's signed, too."

Alex (turning to Logan, absolute 😯 oh no! 😯 moment): "It is?"

[they both burst out laughing]

oh no, how could they do this to me? code ultramarine blue because this has officially killed me. "it's signed, too" logan doing his little game-show host bit that made alex laugh earlier?? alex having zoned out already, being completely lost and then turning to logan with the most sorrowful confused expression (instead of, i don't know, the TEAM WHO ARE FACILITATING THIS EVENT) and asking in that stupid sorrowful confused voice "it is?" so quietly that the mics literally do not pick it up??? and logan meeting his gaze and realizing that yes alex is indeed completely lost about his own signature on his own merch and he just fucking cracks up and as soon as his face lights up and he smiles that big alex turns to the camera like ?? and then he bursts out laughing and logan just straight up pushes him because WE HAVE ENTERED THE REALM OF PHYSICAL CONTACT and at first alex is just laughing at the camera/in general but then as soon as logan's hand is on him and after he's just absolute heart eyes for logan and guys please it's not even that funny but they're in each other's company and in each other's presence and that makes everything exponentially better and

and you know what? i think this could've been something. i think this moment, these few moments between them, could have actually meant something to them as individuals and to their relationship as a whole because they're trying new things, neither of them are 100% comfortable with the other but they want to be. "i know this is silly and i know we have to look and act a certain way right now but i want you to know that i'm having fun because i'm with you. and i don't want this to be just another front that we have to put on because there's something about this that makes me wish it was different. that we could be just us and we could just have fun without the cameras, without a bribe, without some motivation for some other things. i want to be this comfortable with you and i like playing this role for you and i like who you are to me when we're like this, and i wish it was real i wish it can be real"

i think it could've been something if the rest of the season hadn't just been a torturous, meticulous, agonizing campaign to break logan down. the self-confidence, humor, affection, boldness in this video? this is at a time when something like that could still happen at least a little bit off camera. unorchestrated. in general. and then we arrive at a point where logan has fallen so deep in these shadows that bringing out this kind of energy takes so much work and time and so much alex that it's not something that can be taken for granted and it's not something that will ever indicate anything else outside of whatever particular video and that–

that's not fair

[sunflowerkiwis]

Speak Now

Harry Styles x Reader | Platonic!Taylor Swift x Reader

Word count: 682

There’s hardly a plot to this so bare with me; You bring Taylor out to perform with you and mess with the crowd a bit.

Unedited—and it shows.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

If there is one thing y/n and her fans have in common, it’s analyzing everything. They all know: almost everything she does is for a reason, it all comes with sharing a strong friendship and fanbase with Taylor Swift. Every capital letter, every number thrown in, every song cover—everything meant something to her, therefore it meant something to the fans. So, having this knowledge… why not mess with them a bit?

“They’re gonna freak out,” Taylor said from her seat in the hair and makeup chair.

“In a good way,” Y/n looked at her, attempting to put in her earrings, “they love you, sometimes more than me, i think.”

They both laughed before Paula, Y/n’s manager came in, letting her know she had ten minutes before being on stage.

~~~

“Well,” Y/n looked around the crowd, no words could describe the feeling she felt on stage being able to bring so many people together and create a safe space for everyone to be themselves and have fun. “Hello, Sydney. How’re we doing tonight?”

Cheers and whistles erupted making her chuckle. She spotted Harry in the area reserved for family and gave him a smile and a wave, making the crowd freak out again.

“You are a gorgeous crowd, Sydney. Beautiful—loud, too.” Cue the noise. “Now, we’re gonna do a song that I’ve wanted to do for a while. It’s by a very close friend of mine and I just enjoy this song so much because of the message it puts out and how…” she paused, trying to figure out how to relate to this song when her very loyal and committed fiancée was in the crowd. “How relatable it can be at times, with… with certain people.”

She stepped back, grabbing her guitar from a crew member. The fans grew confused at her introduction of the song and the new, very different guitar. This one was a dark, sparkly purple, and the way she was unsure of how to introduce the song as she kept glancing to Harry in the crowd? Something was up.

“Sydney,” Y/n started strumming the guitar, a familiar tune to those who were fans of both her and Taylor, “this is Speak Now, by Taylor Swift.” Cue the confusion. “I am not the kind of girl who should be be rudely budging in on a white veil occasion… But you are not kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl…”

Even louder cheers came along as they saw the familiar face walking across stage to where Y/n was standing. “I sneak in and see your friend and her snotty little family all dressed in pastels,” Taylor sand beside Y/n. “And she is yelling at a bridesmaid, somewhere back inside her room, wearing a gown shaped like a pastry.”

Y/n chuckled before joining her later, still strumming her guitar. “Don’t say yes, run away now. I’ll meet you when you’re of the church, at the back door,” she sang with a little too much emotion for someone in a strong and happy relationship—engaged, nonetheless.

She shot Harry side eyes at every snarky line like “And the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march” and a smirk at “You wish it was me—don’t you?”

She gave her all into those four minutes, knowing entirely too well she had no business relating to this song at all, which, obviously, she didn’t. But as they say, it’s for the plot.

~~~

“Should I be worried?” Harry came up behind her, hugging her waist.

“Not unless you have some hidden bride in a pastry dress,” she raised a brow at him through the mirror.

“Counting you, or…?”

Y/n rolled her eyes and turned around to kiss his cheek. “Can’t to see all the divorced parent tiktoks tomorrow.” She joked. Having Harry Styles and Taylor Swift in the same room was bound to get brought up at some point in the next 24 hours—maybe less.

Harry frowned, seeming genuinely confused. “Pardon?”

“‘S what they call you and Taylor.”

“…Why?”

“Oh, boy…” It was going to be a long night.

[kimberlyannharts]

Ultraman: Rising!

Sure we all know the Power Rangers reboot has been passed on at Netflix but instead we have this hot new piece of toku instead: Ultraman: Rising! And I finally got the chance to check it out last night.

I know Ultraman is one of the big toku/kaiju genre staples but it's never really been on my radar of things to watch. I'm not sure why! I guess Super Sentai/Power Rangers just has more of the it factor that appeals to me. So because of that I really have no context to the story besides it's a guy who can turn into a giant silver superhero that beats up kaiju.........or maybe it's an alien who looks like a human and the silver superhero is his true form? or maybe the human and the silver superhero are two separate beings that share the same body? idk. It's probably all three of those things depending on the series. But this film was marketed as a standalone that new fans could enjoy AND....the big one.....it's ANIMATED, so I felt more inclined to check it out.

And it was really really good!! I enjoyed it a lot!

Spoiler-ish thoughts on the film below:

= Let's get this out of the way: the biggest draw to this was the animation and art direction, and yeah, it slaps. The textures and stylization (always love 2D painted effect animation on explosions and things) and lighting were a full-course meal and the scenes where they focused on Ultraman's shining eyes staring through a window or computer screen were just SO striking. To the point where I feel that if I got around to watching the actual live-action Ultraman, it might feel a little underwhelming in comparison. Oops

= It does kind of fall in the cliches of the "selfish guy learns maturity by having to be a father" plot (with bonus "son is estranged from his dad and mom is missing but they work to improve their relationship" sprinkled in) which makes me appreciate The Return even more (sorry, I'm still Returnpilled) but it's still charming and I can hope if we get more movies they give a little more focus to Ami and Emiko (speaking of which, I know they weren't doing a romance this movie, but Ami having a daughter and the movie being about Ken raising a daughter? oh you know it's happening and I'm here for this because they're both so hot)

= I think Ken is also a better example of the "showboating egotistical hero who learns to mature" than most because the movie isn't afraid to show him vulnerable even before his character development. I was genuinely surprised at that scene where he starts crying out of the stress of balancing his baseball career and figuring out Emi

= Apparently there was some discussion that the movie didn't bring up Ultraman's origins which, as someone who knows next to nothing about Ultraman, that didn't really bother me? Obviously I can still give more benefit of the doubt than people who don't know much about the tokusatsu/kaiju genre to begin with, but even so, I was still pretty down with the concept of "this guy has the ability to turn into a giant silver superpowered man and passed the ability down to his son" - and I think in the age of superhero blockbusters in general the idea isn't that farfetched that it requires more explanation. In any case it's a bit of a moot point since future movies are clearly going to talk about Ultras and their origins more, based on the stinger.

= Is Emi a clear kid-appeal character meant to be shown off in marketing and merchandising because of how squishy and cute she is? Yes. Is she just so fucking squishy and cute and my newest baby child? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES. I am not immune to monster baby. I think it helps that I always found the old monster screeches cute and applying them to a baby babbling was kinda genius in its execution. And I'm glad they kind of got the obligatory "haha babies poop and are smelly and gross" jokes out of the way early (yeah they had the whole "acid reflux" thing in the second act but I've seen way worse in other media)

= The subtitles calling Sato's Ultra form "Ultradad" and his Ultra mustache were both really funny

= Obviously I knew Ken wasn't going to die when he threw himself on Dr. Onda's mech (btw the mech was sexy) but I definitely expected a little more than just a busted arm with how they were building up how the blast would have "destroyed them all" kdjkfdj maybe they cut to after he had recovered a bit. Though in general I'm not quite sure of how durable Ultraman is

= Kind of a milf. reblog

[tragicstarz]

My in depth psycho-analysis on Gus fring and why he is one of the most complex characters in the show even with the very little background he is given. Lol enjoy for all who read :3

Gus fring since the very beginning has been one of the most compelling characters in the show. For some people it’s his cold and calculating demeanor and for others it’s what actually goes on underneath it all. (For the record this is not me woobifying Gus- I’m just going deeper than most into his actual personality and life lolol).

Loyalty

Anyways, the first takeaway I had when I finished breaking bad was that Gus gave out his loyalty like a kid running a lemonade stand even though he claimed to not trust a lot of people. (even though it only took a short talk about family for him to be loyal to Walter and Jesse) But, this loyalty kept coming to bite him in the ass. Because of this loyalty, he deals with betrayal and incompetence harshly. He claims loyalty to the right person/s is crucial to maintain order and efficiency in his operations but it’s the very thing that leads to his downfall. His trust and respect for Jesse led to him not ‘taking care of’ Walt which in the end was the one factor that ruined his goal of defeating hector that he was THIS close to completing.

Public persona

I also feel that his involvement with the public and the community is a genuine aspect to his character. I feel like it’s more than a mask to shield his illegal activities. I’ve analyzed it through various psychological lenses and it reveals some deeper motivations and insecurities. In the drug world, Gus is like an outsider even if he IS their highest earner. He will never be one of them. This is kind of emphasized in brba/bcs with his non-Mexican origin and his orientation (through slurs and jokes) he was and never would be fully accepted or respected by his drug peers. In the Albuquerque community, when he’s not working with drugs, his philanthropic persona, I believe, is Gus trying to compensate for his lack of genuine respect and acceptance in the cartel. He’s basically playing dress up with an identity where he valued and respected, which he doesn’t receive in his criminal life (because even Jesse and Walt kinda hate him). Gus is building and creating a psychological space where he can fulfill his need for social acceptance and respect- closeting himself because he knows that something like that can ruin what he’s got. So even in his make believe world of the public entrepreneur/benefactor, he’s not actually himself. But obviously it helps him take his mind off of the disrespect he faces in the drug trade

Max Arciniega

Obviously, if you’ve studied Gus’s character and payed at least a little bit of attention to brba/bcs you can see that Gus’s relationship with Max was more than just a silly partnership. Max’s murder by Hector was a pivotal moment for Gus, sparking his need for control and vengeance but also a set back in his business and giving him a deeply personal wound. In the hyper-masculine and homophobic environment of the cartel, Gus’s sexuality could easily be seen as vulnerability. Hector does say at one point “I know what you are” and the Salamancas are quick to make jokes on the matter so if we’re going the route that they DO know about his sexuality, it only further proves why he doesn’t fit in or isn’t respected as much because the only reason he is, is because of his role in Chile as “big generalissimo” and the amount of money he brings in for Eladio. As a way to counterbalance this vulnerability and insecurity, his meticulous public persona paints Gus out as someone who is deeply respectable. Something I am sad about when it comes to Gus and his character is the way we see quite a bit of his drug and community life (not as much as the other characters) but basically none of his personal life. I believe Vince did this to maintain his villainous coldness which in the end made Gus one of the best TV villains of all time but obviously quite a bit of people would have given an arm and a burned off face to see more of Gustavo not just Gus. His compartmentalization of his true personality in both of his worlds I believe is a coping mechanism to manage the complexities of his identity, including his sexuality. Because even in the early 2000s it still wasn’t as accepted as it is today and obviously he realized if he shared this aspect, his respect would deteriorate (in his mind at least) I couldn’t speak about the other characters but I just know Walter would have had a field day if Gus was more open. Gus’s fear of scrutiny and judgment play a big role when studying his efforts to protect his true self through his need for control and precision.

Moral code/sexuality

Gus’s actions are driven by a personal moral code that includes loyalty and retribution. The murder of Max, his lover, becomes the catalyst for his meticulous, long term plan to dismantle the cartel from within. This mission of his is both a professional vendetta and a deeply personal quest for justice and respect for Max’s memory. But even me just looking at Gus, in my humble opinion, I don’t believe Gus to be one who cares about the money- I think he only cared about being greater than that cartel and the Salamancas to prove them wrong or ya know at least roll in their graves. Gus’s sexuality and the trauma associated with Max’s death I believe contributes deeply to his complex interplay of empathy and ruthlessness. The only times we ever see Gus become ruthless is when his operation/plan to avenge max is in danger. With a lot of characters, he contributes a lot of compassion and empathy. (Ex. Mike, Gale).

Public persona (Pt 2)

Gus’s efforts to gain public respect can be interpreted as attempts to seek validation and acceptance that may have been denied in other aspects of his life (private and cartel). His respectable identity in the community contrasts with the potential stigma of being open with his sexuality in the same environment. I also believe that his construction of this positive legacy through his community work is a way Gus has found to honor Max’s memory. His philanthropic activities and support for the community, I can see as an extension of his affection for Max, reflecting his desire to create something good.

WALTER WHITE

What I said before “if Gus was more open about his sexuality, Walt would have had a field day” I stand by this because to me Walter is the epitome of toxic masculinity a real sigma male if you must. I just know for a fact that if max were still around Walter wouldn’t have been able to even breath the same air as Gus. I feel like if Walter ever did find out about Gus’s sexuality he would have exploited it. Walters need for control and his need to assert dominance would have probably driven him to undermine Gus. Obviously this might have been helpful to Gus in some ways because if Walter perceived him as “weak” and let his guard down even a little Gus would’ve eradicated that bald bastard. Anyways, I was ranting sorry LMFAOOO now onto the family aspect between the two. We have to first look at Gus’s core motivations which I got into earlier with Max and all that. When Walter begins to talk about his motivations being rooted in providing for his family, he presents himself to Gus as someone who is driven by authentic and relatable goals. For Gus, this authenticity and vulnerability stands in stark contrast from the rest of the deceptive and self-serving cunts in the drug trade. Family, loyalty, and providing for a loved one are all values that resonate deeply with Gus and Walters emphasis on these values creates a common ground between them. Gus sees in Walter a reflection of himself which made him more inclined to trust and respect Walter.

Why Walter was so pivotal for Gus

Gus sees potential in Walter. By Walters talk about family, this leads Gus to believe that he can invest in Walter. He thinks he is inventing in someone who is dedicated and motivated by the desire to secure his families future. Because by doing this, Gus would also be investing in the continuity of his own operations. A partner, who is driven by family values in Gus’s eyes is likely to strive for stability and longevity, which aligns with Gus’s vision for a lasting legacy. Sadly, Walters talk about family also makes Gus believe that his actions are not driven by ego or recklessness, but by a deeper, more relatable motivation. But in reality, Walter is exactly what Gus was hoping he wasn’t. However this moment in the booth creates an emotional connection between him and Walter because Gus mirrors it as the loyalty he once had with Max. Ugh it makes me so upset.

I can’t think of anything else to put here at the moment because I still have so many thoughts to gather but I’ll definitely be adding to this in the future

Thank you for reading :)

[butch-reidentified]

wife & I finally watched Killing Eve, and I am just utterly 🤯 by how much of myself I see in Villanelle. the nuances of her reactions, her sense of humor, interpersonal relating, etc., all of it is genuinely deeply relatable. it's the first time I've ever actually truly related to a fictional character overall, rather than just 1 or 2 aspects of a character. as weird as it sounds, it feels like actually very wholesome representation? honestly, I've never really understood why people get attached to fictional characters and even kind of used to make fun of it. I never felt like there was much to relate to. but my wife and I both see it, this dude they consulted for her on-screen character obviously really knows his shit (yeah, this dude, fucking somehow).

him???? kinda pissed ngl. and I'm definitely gonna contact him lmao

but it's undeniable. it's most clear in the subtlest little moments, the little things she does like dumping salt on the curly fries she's sharing with Eve as a playful reaction to an "offensive" joke, the pranks she plays on Konstantin, the things she finds funny, the lack of response when her life is in danger, being ambivalent about prison. and of course the bigger things are just as accurate, and so much better done than any other media portrayal I've seen before. the constant need for escalating stimulation, the s-tier "commitment to the bit" regardless of the situation, the curiosity about herself, the boredom and resulting curiosity about the "normal" human experience & wondering if you can be like them - maybe even convincing yourself for a while, the truth of having some people truly matter to you but at the end of the day you know you're still able to hurt them, the enjoyment of social game-playing - specifically with others who are also knowingly playing social chess* (manipulating unaware people is not entertaining & frankly reminds me of the ways men tend to seek affirmation of their power/superiority by "punching down").

*and enjoying working + thriving in fields where this is required of EVERYONE

I'm posting this a bit late at night in the hopes it's mostly seen by the mutuals who actually come to my blog not just see this on dash, bc this /is/ weird as fuck for me & I'm not super stoked about EVERYONE seeing this, but I have made a commitment on here to challenge myself with consistent and total honesty to the best of my ability. it /is/ disorienting and exciting in its own odd way. but I'm not sure I hate it.

oh, and in s4 when she kills a bunch of women's abusers? the implication throughout the show that she DOES feel some type of way about (at least) 1 moral issue - misogyny? fuck OFFFFF bro wtffff

[slutforln4]

˗ ˏˋ useless powers ´ˎ˗

in which heimdall's partner is one he cannot read the thoughts of, and he finds out why.

wc // 1.3k

a/n: thank you to the lovely anon for requesting the first heimdall fic i've ever written!! i hope you enjoy <3

Ever since you arrived to Asgard, you’ve been a mystery to Heimdall.

It wasn’t just the difference in your attitude from other asgardians, or the fact that you come from Midgard. It wasn't even the fact that you're cooperating with Odin despite your father, Kratos, being obviously against Ragnarök.

No, what the Aesir God was far too puzzled by was something that’s never happened to him before. Heimdall can’t wrap his head around how he cannot read your thoughts or foresee your intentions.

The first time he noticed it— noticed you,—was when you stupidly climbed the Wall of Asgard, and he wasn't there to intimidatingly greet you the way he usually does with visitors.

He was sitting at the table in his house, situated on the top of the Wall— it gives him easier access to overlook all of Asgard,— eating some stew when his bifrost eyes noticed a stranger walking past his windows. Then, the door opened and he froze in place as you stepped in and immediately slumped down on the nearest chair.

“Oh,” you had noticed him only when you lifted your head up from the table he was sitting at. Heimdall made a mental note to wipe it clean later. “Hey.”

“Hello.” The Aesir furrowed his brows with confusion, trying his damn hardest to see what’s going on behind that thick skull of yours. It wasn't everyday that some weirdo climbed the Wall of Asgard, but the fact that he can't read your mind is more baffling than that.

“Is this Odin’s palace? Seems kinda small. I also don't think you’re Odin. He’s old and bearded, and a bit thinner than you, and you’re cuter than him. Hey, do you have more stew? I’m starving.” You rambled, all in one breath and Heimdall’s face looked as if you'd spoken some language he didn't know. Which was also unlikely.

“The answer is no to all of your questions.” Heimdall got up from his seat and put his bowl down. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see Odin.”

What was so weird about this was that he couldn't tell if you were being genuine or not. Usually, he’d be able to see how other visitor’s intentions would play out. But, with you, it was different. Very different.

When he looked at you, his mind didn’t immediately begin to buzz with a million thoughts that you might've had. In fact, there were none. When he looked at you, was near you or thought of you, all the sound in his brain went away almost instantly.

The silence was a nice change from the noise of the hundreds of asgardians, mixed with his own, that played in his head. His purple eyes tinted with millions of words thought and spoken by midgardians, or the foreseeing of what they’d do was exhausting.

Heimdall acknowledged the inability to see your thoughts again, when he'd had a nightmare and woke up with a cold sweat running down his back, and he knew you’d be the only one to calm his thoughts.

The same morning, you had come up to visit him and brought some Midgardian food that you made. It was obvious that Heimdall wasn't the same as he usually was. The cockiness and pride in him was taken down a notch by something you weren't sure of. And his annoyance by you was somewhere hidden this time around.

Heimdall was lost in thought, or lack thereof, when you asked, “You okay?”

The Aesir immediately straightened his posture, showing himself to be broad and strong, both physically and emotionally. “I am.”

“Good,” you gave him a small, soft smile. One that Heimdall would’ve been ready for if he could've seen it coming. “Here, have some.”

“I don't want your Midgardian food.”

“Calm down, I’m not going to kill you.” You joked, but he didn't find it funny. He didn't find anything you said funny, since he couldn't tell if you're intending what you joke about. “I’ll take a bite first and then it’s your turn, okay? It’ll prove that I didn't poison it.”

“Fine,” he nudged the bowl of whatever you brought towards you and tilted his chin your way. After you took a bite and swallowed it, he decided to get some food into his system, too.

Though, eating wasn't really fixing his mood, so you gave up and left. But, just as you were about to get on the platform that leads you down the wall and to Asgard, Heimdall ran out to stop you. “Wait,” he hesitated. “I want to know— No, I need to know why you're at Asgard.”

What you didn't know, or, frankly, what Heimdall didn't know himself, was that he only asked you to stay because he got attached to the silence. He got attached to you.

Being with you made him feel good. It made the thoughts in his head quieter and they were more like a background noise when his thoughts merged with yours.

Eventually, he got attached to the fact that you're unpredictable. Him never knowing what goes on in your mind came with the feeling of comfort and satisfaction. He felt normal, for once. He’d actually laugh at your jokes, since he never knew the punchline like he did to anyone else’s jokes.

And, as time went on, you two grew close and he asked you to be his. Disregarding your father's opinion of Asgard or the prophecy for Ragnarök, you said yes.

It was sweet, the way an Aesir God could love.

And the way he showed his godly love was by spending time with you. Even if he wasn't physically there, his mind sorted through the millions of minds he read until he found the silence he was longing for.

There wasn't a day where he wouldn't stop by the Valkyrie training pit to see you, even for five minutes. The first time he came to visit you, after you agreed to be his partner, he didn't speak to you. He only watched and read the opponent’s moves, and how foolishly they failed to predict your moves.

Soon, it became a daily occurrence, Heimdall coming to visit you during Valkyrie training. He’d stand above the pit and watch your every move, analysing how you, a mere mortal, predict your opponent's battle strategy without Heimdall being able to read your mind.

At first, you’d start off with catching your enemy’s attention with your flashy weapon, waving it around in the air. The spear you used created intricate patterns in the air, and when the opponents eyes glimmered with amusement, you’d stab them in their head with one swift move of your weapon.

And, with all of that battle knowledge that you have, you’d think that there would be thoughts or actions that Heimdall could read or foresee. But, nope. There was only the comfortable silence in that pretty little head of yours.

This question rose up again, as he’s reading you a story and you're trying to sleep. Heimdall hates to bring this up, because the answer may scare him.

“Hey, baby?” Heimdall inquires, raising his eyes up from the book he was reading. You raise your head up from the bed you’d been laying on. “Do you… I don't know, possess some sort of witchy powers or something?”

“What?” You answer, a laugh escaping your lips. “What do you mean?”

“Well, ever since you got here I could never read your thoughts. All I got from a mortal like you was silence.” He explained, and with the last few words your cheeks became flushed with crimson red. “Do you know a spell that makes you immune to my powers or something?”

“What? No.” You cover your face with your hands. “I just don't think.”

Heimdall’s face scrunches up into a confused frown. “What?”

It was embarrassing to admit, but Heimdall wouldn't believe you otherwise. But it was true. Your brain barely mustered a thought, and a peace of mind is a peace of life. The less you think, the less you’d worry about and the more you’d be able to live in the moment.

“Think about something.”

There’s a short pause and suddenly a thought sparks into your brain.

You’re pretty.

Heimdall rolls his eyes, but the pit in his stomach comes to a rest knowing that his powers aren't exclusive of you.

It was cute how you didn't have a single thought in your brain, but ever since this moment, you surprise Heimdall with a thought or two about him, which never failed to make him blush or softly smile.

[jack-fruit]

Ok aside from the obvious “haha Nandor is a hypocrite and also still kind of a dick to Guillermo” joke I genuinely think the end credits movie date says a lot about how like. Genuinely comfortable Nandor feels around Guillermo yknow??

Cause when you are just starting out being friends with someone and you’re in that “get to know you” stage of a friendship, obviously your first instinct is to talk to them and get to know them. Typically in that stage, silences are awkward at best and nerve wracking at worst, so it makes sense Nandor wants to talk with Alexander. He wants to form this strong bond so he can show Guillermo how much he totally doesn’t miss him and in his desperation he obviously comes on a bit too strongly. Him getting a shit ton of popcorn, while also being funny, is another hint of this. Whether it be he bought it for Alexander to appease him or to just kind of give the illusion of “yes I am a human person enjoying a human film look I am eating this popcorn” is kinda up in the air, but I personally lean towards the second one. Either way though, the popcorn is ahem “purchased” in an attempt to appease.

In contrast though, when he’s with Guillermo Nandor is able to fully relax. He already knows Guillermo fairly well, so there’s no pressure to hurriedly try and get to know him and form a bond- the bond is already there. He doesn’t need to pretend to buy popcorn or pretend to eat it, Guillermo knows why he can’t. In this situation, where they’re already so close, it means silence between them is comfortable instead of nerve wracking, and that means Nandor can fully focus his attention on actually watching the movie. And of course, he never has a problem telling Guillermo when he does something he doesn’t like, so him telling him to shut up isn’t that surprising either. Still, not sure he would use that tone with a stranger he was attempting to befriend

Anyway I’m rotating it in my brain. I cannot wait for Nandor jealousy arc to really kick in

[lesbianralzarek]

generally really liking the fallout tv show, but theres an absolutely unwatchable bit in episode 3 where the writers inexplicably decide to take a brave stand against, uh, *checks notes* rehabilitation and reintegration of criminals into society. really, uh, stickin it to the dominant cultural opinion that prisoners should be treated ethically, because thinking that criminals are people is just wayyyy too common in america. big problem. really got me there with your unbelievably unrealistic depiction of raiders as animals with no redeeming qualities

genuinely, what am i supposed to take away from vault dwellers saying "oh hey, id like to volunteer to show them some shakespeare!" and the show treating that like its a flaw? dramatic music as norm is singled out and he says (not fucking joking) "i dont think its our job to help these people". gasps all around, because of course the average person wouldnt agree 100% with that statement. how divisive! norm bravely telling his obviously idiotic neighbors "i think we should kill them". what a hero!

like i said, im enjoying it so far so i think ill just try to push past it, but christ alive

(now, its possible that theyre planning on setting this up to be a villain origin story type thing for norm, given the tone of the music that played when he was told his father would "do the right thing" if he was there. isnt a get out of jail free card for the rest of the scene, tho, which clearly framed the peace-loving vault dwellers as morons)

[youcouldmakealife]

LBTE: Jared (145-146)

In which Jared is suspicious of his good fortune and Bryce is defeated by a tiny little baby.

Going to be daily from this point on, or we ain't getting to the end of these before we get to the end of Impaired Judgment (still might be a close call).

If you want to follow along, the series page is here.

145. Divine Intervention

Title implies Stephen is divine, and he thinks that is only right. (Or that I am, which is true inasmuch as I am absolutely pulling the strings. Well. Sometimes. When they don't wander off on me. It's less like being behind the driver's wheel and more like herding cats.)

Normal doesn’t mean nothing has changed, because of course things have. A few guys have been trying to talk to Jared, invite him out, like now that he’s ‘Bullet’s husband’ to them they have to treat him differently.

How dare they.

He’s sure the team philosophy is ‘if I can’t sleep with my wife/girlfriend when I’m on the road, you sure as shit can’t sleep with your husband’. It’d upset the collective sense of fairness.

Legitimately, though, it would mainly be frowned upon for this reason.

They get teased a bit about how lucky they are on roadies — ‘road head’ was unfortunately uttered and Jared wishes he could scrub that one out of his memory — but Jared notices it’s never when the media’s around, not even when the support staff is, carefully cupped in the palms of the locker room. Maybe Gabe told them all not to say anything. Maybe they already know.

Jared, Bryce didn’t tell you shit about the dynamic in the Flames room until he hit his breaking point, you KNOW shit stays in the locker room.

“Bryce says you’ve been tense lately,” mom says over drinks after dinner. “That you’re expecting everything to backfire on you two.”

Tense is a massive understatement. High strung would be closer, yet still an understatement.

“Okay but it’s not—“ Jared says

“Paranoia when they’re out to get you?” dad asks.

“Don,” mom says. “At least try a little harder with your jokes than going with ‘chain email from the 90s’.”

“It’s not a joke,” dad protests. “It’s true. It’s not paranoia if the things you’re worried about can come true.”

Jared does not want to be on his dad’s side in this.

And yet he thinks he’s on his dad’s side in this.

Jared slowly embracing that he is his father’s son, which is good, because goddamn is he his father’s son, and that’s only going to become more and more evident as he gets older.

“You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop,” Gabe says.

“I mean,” Jared says. “Basically.”

“But it isn’t necessarily going to,” Gabe says. “And even if it is, you can enjoy it in the meantime, you know. Be happy with what you have instead of worrying about it possibly being taken away.”

Jared waves a dismissive hand, and Gabe sighs.

Get this gratitude bullshit out of Jared’s face.

“Jared,” Gabe says. “You’re scaring the rookies.”

“How?” Jared says, then realises he doesn’t care how. They need to toughen up if he’s scaring them without even trying. “Never mind. Who cares.”

The death glare keeps showing up. It’s not aimed at anyone in particular, which means it feels like it’s aimed at everyone.

“Because the rookies need to toughen up,” Jared says.

“Oh yeah?” Bryce asks, mouth tipping up. “I remember you being scared shitless of Mike Brouwer.”

I mean, legitimate fear for a rookie. Unless you’re Liam Fitzgerald, who obviously has no sense of self-preservation whatsoever.

Jared picks at a cut on his knuckle. He’s not sure how he got it. He had his hand jammed against the boards in a scrimmage earlier by Bryce of all people, so probably that. He won’t tell him, though. Bryce will react like he gravely injured Jared and then walk around all day looking like he accidentally stepped on a puppy’s tail.

He would be DEVASTATED.

Not worth it, especially since he’s finally started not actively backpedaling if he’s up against Jared in practice. The team has not been merciful about how easy Bryce goes on him. The chirping has genuinely been impressive.

The phrase ‘love tap’ has lost all meaning, it’s been used so much. With an accompanying leer every time, naturally.

“Did you come here to insult our decor?” Jared asks.

“No, but it’s a nice bonus,” Stephen says, and makes himself comfortable on the couch.

“Why are you here,” Jared repeats. “Oh shit, are you two finally—“

“No,” Stephen says. “Shut up.”

If someone mentions the word marriage to him one more time…

“This is an intervention,” Stephen says. “Gabe’s about to wring your neck, and you know what happens when Gabe wants to wring someone’s neck?”

“You want to wring his?” Jared guesses.

“No,” Stephen says. “Of course not, if he wants to wring someone’s neck I imagine it’s wholly deserved and I become fully prepared to wring that neck for him.”

Gabe’s neck wringing threshold is so far beyond Stephen’s that chances are Stephen would have already committed the act before Gabe even reaches the point where he considers it.

“Did you know that you sigh?” Stephen says. “Dramatically, apparently. Every day. Multiple times. You sigh.”

“Um,” Jared says.

“And Gabe asks what’s the matter,” Stephen says. “And you say ‘nothing’. And then you sigh again. Or sometimes you say ‘you wouldn’t understand’. And then you sigh. For weeks this has been going on. Weeks.”

Not little sighs either. These are big ‘ASK ME WHAT IS WRONG’ sighs. But if Gabe does ask, he gets hand-waved and ‘you wouldn’t understand’ed. He’s very tired.

“You’re moping,” Stephen says. “Why.”

Jared sighs.

“Gabe’s right,” Stephen says. “That’s infuriating.”

One sigh for Stephen to reach the strangling threshold. Gabe’s endured dozens upon dozens of them.

“Here’s your problem,” Stephen says. “You overthink everything, and you have ulterior motives for pretty much everything you do—“

“Hey,” Jared says. “Stop making me sound evil.”

“—and you think that everyone else is like that,” Stephen continues, like Jared didn’t say anything. “But they aren’t, mostly. Some are, but most people don’t think much at all about, well, anything, honestly. Certainly not about you.”

Sounds fake.

“Hard lesson to learn, but it makes shit a lot easier,” Stephen says. “You may be the centre of your own life, but you’re peripheral to everyone else, with very few exceptions. Fewer than you’d think, honestly.”

Don’t worry, Jared, you’re the centre of Bryce’s life too.

“Bryce is admittedly a great player,” Stephen says. “But you two aren’t fresh off a Stanley Cup in the fishbowl of Toronto media. Vancouver’s a media heavy market, but not like Toronto. And again, it’s been a decade, and other players have come out since then. Riley and Lapointe was national news. You guys? It’d be news, for sure, but I think it’d be a smaller ripple than you’d think it is. The people who give a shit, good or bad, they’ll care. But the average person, who cared because Lapointe and Riley were a novel situation? They won’t. Old news.”

Obviously there is a reaction when Bryce and Jared came out, but it's pretty contained to the hockey world (with the addition of some non-hockey fan but very online people).

It was also bigger news than it would have been had they formally come out, because the second people sniff out a cover up, speculation leads to higher engagement. (For a recent RL example, contrast how many people were talking about Milan Lucic versus Corey Perry.)

“You sound like you’ve thought about this,” Jared says.

“Of course I have,” Stephen says. “I’m a player agent whose NHLer boyfriend has my name on all his legal documents and vice versa. You think I haven’t thought any of this through? You think we didn’t weigh unintended consequences carefully before we made every decision about our relationship, including the one to come out to the team? Gabe thinks the best of people, but he’s not naive. And I think everyone sucks, so.”

Truly the mentor Jared deserves.

“Oh no, he’s awful at it,” Stephen says. “You think Gabe doesn’t overthink everything? Gabe’s analytical: he’s good with people because he considers every single possible outcome and prepares for it.”

“I do that too,” Jared says. No wonder they get along.

“Analyzing and being judgmental aren’t the same thing,” Stephen says. “Apparently.”

Most judgmental people don’t bother with the analysis part at all, in my experience.

“That one was Dmitry, weirdly,” Stephen says. “He gets quite philosophical sometimes. Usually if pot is involved. Especially edibles. I can’t believe you’re giving me that look. It’s legal. And you live in BC. Have you seriously never—”

Jared are you being judgmental again.

Also, for reference: British Columbia has a reputation for being a province full of pot smoking hippies. Which is saying something when Canada legalised recreational marijuana nationwide. (Though that reputation did precede legalisation by decades.)

“Not smoking pot to chill,” Jared says. “Not happening.”

“You’d probably just get paranoid anyway,” Stephen mutters. “More paranoid.”

He’d be fucking hilarious is what he’d be. (Also probably paranoid! More paranoid.)

“Caution’s understandable,” Stephen is. “It is. I’m never going to be the one to tell you to throw caution to the wind or whatever the hell careless people say. But when caution overtakes your happiness, it’s no longer helpful. You just — you have an NHL career. You live with your handsome, talented, adoring husband, like — truly adoring, that man does not think you have faults.”

I continue to be proud of Bryce for no longer arguing when Jared refers to himself as mean.

“And that team supports you,” Stephen says. “Which — there are much less supportive environments than this in the league, you know that firsthand. And I get that’s going to make you wary and think this might be too good to be true, but that’s not — sometimes you just get lucky, Jared. There isn’t some cosmic balance where some higher power’s like, ‘wait, things are too good for Jared, time to shit on him to even things out a bit’.”

Sometimes a higher power does have to do that, though. For narrative reasons.

“You didn’t toss your hair once,” Jared observes. “Can we really call this a proper intervention without hair tossing?”

“I have to be sparing with it,” Stephen says. “Or it won’t have the desired effect anymore.”

Stephen has retained the lesson.

“Is the desired effect people thinking you look like a nervous horse?” Jared asks.

Jared you are so lucky to have friends.

“I don’t know why I’m about to offer this, because you’re a horrible little gremlin,” Stephen says. “But if it helps I can go over scenarios you’re the most worried about and make sure your agents have solid action plans prepared if they do come to pass.”

This is literally the nicest thing anyone could offer Jared right now. He really hates feeling unprepared.

“But I just called you a nervous horse,” Jared says.

He does not deserve Stephen’s offer at all. And knows this.

He’s systematic about absolutely everything — paper trails, photographic evidence, cell records, digital paper trails. He’s not snide for once, no matter what Jared says, just keeps his head down, hair in his face, writing in a messy scrawl Jared knows better than to comment on, because Stephen may be left handed now, but Jared doesn’t think he always was.

He was not originally left-handed, no.

(No snide with clients, and right now he’s in work mode)

“I sigh, apparently,” Jared says. “I hear it’s really annoying.”

“It’s not annoying,” Bryce says. “I just want you to be happy.”

‘The man does not think you have faults’.

“Worried, I know,” Bryce says. “And like, I get it, obviously. I’ve been on this end too. I just want you to be happy.”

Big earnest eyes. Just telling Jared he wants to be happy. Bryce could weaponise this if he tried, but of course he never would.

My sweet, earnest boy.

“I am,” Jared says. “I am happy. It’s not that I’m not happy, it’s that I keep like, being happy, and then I’m like — suspicious of how happy I am, I don’t know.”

Bryce blinks at him.

“I know how absurd it sounds,” Jared lets him know.

“That’s the most Jared thing I’ve ever heard,” Bryce says.

“Hey,” Jared protests. He can’t just call it a Jared thing right after Jared tells him it’s absurd. Even if it’s absurd. And admittedly kind of a Jared thing.

‘I agree with everything you said, but also: how dare you.’

“45 and Hammer asked if I wanted to come over and play FIFA with them tonight,” Bryce says.

45 is not for the number. Colton has the nickname due to the very famous 19th century handgun the Colt .45. He's called 45 for short.

Hammer (for the surname Hammond) is the one Jared refers to as Langley (another nickname of his, because he’s from Langley, British Columbia, which is a town in the Metro Vancouver area. Local boy, just like Bryce.). Hammer/Langley is the one whose comments Jared and Gabe overheard ‘I’m not homophobic, but I don’t get Math and Bullet. Math’s mean.’

They are attached at the hip; live together, room together, sit together.

Jared will be bad at it, and he doesn’t like being bad at things

You don’t say.

Bryce looks hopeful. Transparently hopeful, those big earnest eyes on him.

“Sounds fun,” Jared lies, and Bryce’s grin practically splits his face.

Soooooft.

Bryce getting to Vancouver-adjustment-them coming out to the team is the shortest arc of the ‘verse, but definitely its own thing, tonally. The arc of ‘everything is unnervingly good and everyone is unnervingly nice (except for Holden Chase)’

Now we jump to...the shoulder, the blanket, and the gaffe.

146. Forbearance

“Murder him dead,” Jared says. “Stone cold.”

“The guys might have a problem with that,” Gabe says. “Leading scorer and all.”

“I don’t care,” Jared says. “Do you think Stephen would help me hide the body?”

“Probably,” Gabe says.

Love Gabe’s pragmatism in the face of Jared's death threats. And of course Stephen would, but you just know it’d be ‘remember that time I helped you hide a body?’ every time he needed a favour, or, you know, just to annoy him, until Jared killed him. (But then who would help Jared hide HIS body? Or save him from Gabe?)

Jared gets it. He does. Bryce is frustrated, and feeling helpless, and in a lot of pain. He had some modified training, things he could do without the use of his shoulder, but it was severely limited compared to his usual summer training, and not even close to enough to burn off all the shit feelings he’s been carrying around. And all those shit feelings are twisted up inside him and driving him nuts.

And he’s driving Jared nuts.

Bryce is BORED. And Jared’s never really been around bored Bryce before — first their relationship was brand new, and then they were long distance, so even if Bryce was dealing with boredom in the day to day (say, contract talks), Jared was exciting! But right now Bryce is bored, and restless, and most of the things he would typically do when bored or restless are off-limits. And Bryce doesn’t really have a high frustration tolerance. At all.

The circumstances of the injury probably didn’t help. Bryce doesn't really deal well with humiliation. He doesn’t like it when people laugh at him. Another understatement. And people are laughing. It’s more in a ‘wow, that’s some seriously shitty luck, man’, not a ‘haha loser’ way, though Jared is pretty sure Bryce is taking it as the latter. And to be fair, how many people throw out their shoulder while babysitting? And not even like, a rambunctious toddler or something. A baby. He was babysitting a baby. Who can’t even hold up her own head yet.

It is objectively funny that Bryce was taken out by a baby. But also a sign of the kind of shape Bryce’s shoulder was in by that point. Periodically, throughout IJ(aoe), Bryce has had shoulder injuries. Jared never really specifies which, but they have always been the same shoulder. And he’s always returned to the ice before it was 100%. Or even 90%. Sometimes before 70%.

Chaz feels guilty, which is utterly absurd. Maia’s like, ten pounds. Bryce could have just as easily done something to his shoulder carrying groceries, or, hell, grabbing a glass from a cupboard. Or, most obviously: at some point in summer training, which is a hell of a lot more strenuous than babysitting Chaz and Ashley’s kid. Jared has told him. Bryce has told him. Jared even asked Ash to whisper it to him in his sleep to see if it sinks in, but she just said ‘what sleep are you referring to, Jared?’ and Jared figured it was a bad idea to retort to a sleep-deprived new parent.

Good call on the last thing, Jared. And yes, Chaz is currently exhausted (training AND a baby) and has responded slightly irrationally to the situation.

Bryce is hiding in the guest room when Jared gets back home, and doesn’t peek his head out. He could be napping, there has been a whole lot of napping lately, so Jared doesn’t check on him. He’s bad enough without adding ‘cranky because Jared woke him up’ to the mix.

Jared would argue he also has a baby right now.

Jared’s just sat down with a glass of water when Bryce drifts in, arm in a sling, and sighs explosively in Jared’s direction, then exits. Gabe invited both of them to that lunch. He could have come, but he said he was ‘tired’ and ‘not in the mood’ and that Jared should ‘go have fun’.

A sulky silence is his only answer when Jared reminds Bryce of that fact.

“Then did you literally just come into the living room to make sure I know you’re bored and annoyed?” Jared asks. “Because I am well aware!”

Or a teenager.

So apologetic Chaz: out. Jared can’t vent to Ash, because she’s stressed out as fuck. Raf is too nice to commiserate with. Ditto Grace. Julius was good at first, but now he won’t pick up Jared’s calls or answer his texts except to say ‘busy!’. Stephen’s out for obvious reasons. Gabe is a good ear, but Jared shouldn’t push it, considering the Stephen thing. Erin’s Team Bryce always. Elaine is Elaine.

You know that Jared has discovered all of these things from direct experience.

“I don’t want to hear it,” his mom says when she picks up the phone.

“Hi mom, how are you,” Jared says.

“Great,” mom says. “I don’t want to hear it. Complain to your dad.”

Susan also has some recent experience with the venting.

Jared stares at his phone, betrayed, then calls his dad. Obviously his dad will be up for Bryce bitching.

“Hi bud,” his dad says. “Calling to complain about Bryce?”

As has Don.

Jared gets twenty minutes of updates about every single family member he has. And family friends. And acquaintances. And some of the fellow Canucks dads he met on the Dad’s Trip. And people Jared hasn’t even heard of and is suspicious may not actually exist. He thinks he’s being punished, though he’s not sure why.

This is exactly what Jared deserves.

“How’re you guys?” his dad finally asks.

“Well—“ Jared starts.

“And I don’t want to hear about Bryce’s sulking,” dad says.

Jared just listened to shit about every single person dad knows for twenty minutes and he doesn’t even get to talk about Bryce’s sulking? This is bullshit.

EXACTLY what Jared deserves. Don is very proud of himself right now.

Jared has to commiserate with someone.

“Do you know who the most annoying person alive is?” Jared asks.

“Is it me?” Bryce mumbles.

JARED MATHESON.

“I don’t want it anymore,” Bryce says.

“You have to have it to take your pills,” Jared says.

“I don’t want them,” Bryce says.

Jared takes a slow breath in rather than arguing. That’s what his mom said to do before she stopped taking his calls. “I’ll just leave it beside the bed, then,” he says.

“I don’t want it,” Bryce says, then whines, “Jared!” when Jared puts it down. “I don’t want it. Take it away.”

Jared’s complaining is slightly over the top, but Bryce is, indeed, being a giant pain in the ass right now.

Julius screens his call. Jared knows this because Julius texts ‘I screened your call’

I love Julius so.