aspandaborkut

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Hackberry Emporer butterfly 🦋 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

It gets its name from the Hackberry tree cuz it lays its eggs on it. And we currently have a Hackberry tree attempting to grow out of the mess of honeysuckle

Also my dad had to give the redbud thats been growing up against the house a haircut cuz it was shading my moms tomatoes too much

And it looks goofy as hell now

Fuckin lollipop looking ass

Its fuckin hot out but chewbys need at least 20 minutes of sun a day or they get very sad and mopey and drive everyone crazy

Chewbys also need to roll around in the grass at LEAST twice a day. Very important for chewbys.

If given proper amounts of sun the chewby should melt onto the floor once back inside.

[canonicallysoulmates]

J2 Gold Panel Phoenixcon 2022

When they get on stage, Jensen shows the Soldier Boy Starbucks reusable cup that he had been gifted by a fan, which is pretty cool. Jared says that when he woke up it took him a second to remember where he was, and Jensen says the same thing happened to him because his hotel room had blackout curtains but the place he's staying at in Albuquerque doesn't so at like 7am it's sunlight to the face. He comments he doesn't know why he hasn't duck-taped a blanket up then he realizes that's something he actually can do and says he's gonna do that.

Jared apologizes for having missed Vancon, says he was so bumed he couldn't attend due to covid. Jokes he should stop licking parking meters, to which Jensen quips back "or licking people's faces" that that's a new photo op they're gonna offer where Jared licks your face but you might get covid because he's a walking petri dish. In the last month, Jared has gotten strep, covid for the third time, and his kids had the flu last week so he's had all the antibiotics in the last 30 days. Jared, I love you but I would hose you down with Lysol.

Jared makes the comment that Jensen hasn't had this problem because he's been in NM but that it's been like 80 degrees in Austin for the last 6 months which is weird because it has the implication that Jensen hasn't been to Austin in the past 6 months which is not true. We know for a fact that he has been, there are even pictures from an event he attended there recently so maybe he meant that because he's been mostly in NM that he hasn't had to deal with the Texas heat as much.

Anyways moving on to the questions, the first is actually a choice between getting a question or being told a joke. Jared says both.

The question is, on the spn podcast thing, everybody raves about how over 15yrs they never saw the boys use sides. What is their technique for remembering all of their lines, and is it getting harder now that they’re older? Jared says that last one 100%.

Jensen is a little confused because he says they used sides all the time. Not while filming but when they went to block, which is when they show up on set and work out the movement and props and such, they certainly had sides in their hand. When they show back up to film they’re probably sideless because by then they’ve had time to run the scene both in blocking and probably a couple of times in hair and makeup and if it's a wordy scene they’ll go to each other's trailers and run the scene a few times, then they’ll show up on set and be off book by then. I wanna make the note that I am wording their process with each other in the present tense because Jensen says it in the present tense 🥺

Jared says that on Walker, currently, he doesn’t know any of them as well as he's gotten to know Jensen personally and professionally - could have sworn your "wife" was on that show but okay ☕ - so he kinda bobs and weaves to them but the way he learns his dialogue is he reads it over and over again, he reads the script a dozen plus times so he kinda has an idea of what's going on and then going through it in the morning time and time again. You kind of get an idea of the day and the first scene is two pages so you focus on that, and the next is a page and a half so you focus on that, he says that sometimes at the end of the day he'll remember a sentence from what was shot first.

They would run lines a lot but they would also sometimes trade lines, they would read the scene, feel something wasn’t working, and trade lines so Jared would read Dean's lines and Jensen would read Sam's, and if they felt it worked better they would call Bob Singer to approve the change.

Jensen says Jared reads it a lot but he does it differently, he has an association technique he uses where he associates the words or the dialogue with where he is in the scene, the movement, what’s happening so it doesn't ever lock in if he’s asked to recite the words prior to blocking the scene he will go blank but as soon as he can marry it to something within the scene he knows it, and he says he’s been very fortunate to have writers and showrunners that have allowed him to massage the dialogue and put it into his own words. A lot of what we hear is not verbatim on the script, he makes it his own, and he's been given the freedom and the encouragement to do that which he thinks that's been a very nice relationship he's been fortunate enough to have so far in his career. That he's waiting for the time that he's working on a comedy or something and they're like "you said can't and it's can not". Jared says that's what it was like on Gilmore Girls.

Then the fan tells their joke: You know how they call relations with three people a threesome and with two people a twosome? And now you know why everybody calls you a handsome. That's pretty good! 😆 And it also opens the door, and gives Jared the perfect excuse to spend the rest of the panel calling Jensen handsome every chance he gets. x

Case in point, the next fan starts by saying that they're all there melting and fawning over them and Jared goes "he (Jensen) is handsome!" 💕

Who is an artist they've either already met or would like to meet that they would fawn and fanboy over?

Jared says for him more often than not it’s more musicians because he has worked with a lot of actors and actresses that he really admires. Like he met Eddie Vedder and embarrassed himself (to which Jensen nods his head and says 'yes, he did'), says he doesn’t watch tv a lot but he listens to music all the time so the relationship some fans have with them where they put on the show as background noise and re-watch it over and over again so it sort of becomes the soundtrack of your life, he has that with music. So probably musicians, if he met Dave Grohl he'd probably freak out, or Thom Yorke.

Jensen agrees with Jared, he tries to think of who he would go and watch and be in awe of and that makes him think of when he last did that and that was when he saw Robert Plant play. That everybody was jamming out but he was just staring up at him in awe, that he probably saw him and was like "weirdo" to which Jared goes "but handsome!"

Jensen also comments that Jared Leto is grossly pretty in real life, that he's 50 but looks like he's 22. 22? 22???? You need glasses, my boy. Jard mentions Margot Robbie, they met her years ago at the Scream awards before she was super well known and she's flawless. Jensen said he was at an event maybe 5yrs ago and brushed shoulders with Cindy Crawford and internally he was like "stop staring! stop staring! stop staring!" but in reality, he was looking at her wide-eyed. Jared says she was probably like "hey, that's weird. but handsome" In the span of one question Jared has called Jensen handsome 3 times. x

When they're dealing with a lot of emotion in their life, and they know they have to do something creatively, what do they do to decompress afterward? Jared says sometimes it’s more difficult than others. That after their series finale, the scene in the barn, that took a while; he considers himself a workaholic and you detox from them usually there's two weeks at the end of every season where he still doesn't feel like himself. During the pandemic he had a work detox, they got home to Austin and he'd wake up looking for his scripts and then realize he doesn't have any work there so he'd be looking for what to do, it takes time- he doesn't really have an answer to the question he just accepts that it takes time. Same with dealing with mental health, he once again reiterates that he doesn't like using the word struggle when it comes to talking about mental health because if he calls it a struggle then he feels like he's struggling, but he tries to go for a walk or a jog on a regular basis, kinda spend some alone time out on the road or something, or spends time with his dogs. Just accept that it takes time.

Jensen says he doesn’t know if he has a bag of tricks or certain tools that he would offer up, he thinks everything and every situation is different so if you have a certain situation you have to listen to yourself and try to figure out what it’s gonna take. A year and a half ago when he was doing The Boys, he was working a lot, long hours, in quarantine, stuck in an apartment that wasn't his home for weeks and months and he got home late one night and cranked Tool as loud as he could at like 4am and that's how he handled that particular situation he hasn't used that method since but he thinks each situation is different you just have to be aware of yourself and know what's gonna get you through it. Take a look at Jared's expressions as Jensen tells this story because he looks at Jensen with so much emotion and almost like he himself is remembering that night, I have the feeling that blasting loud music isn't the only thing Jensen did that night to cope I think he also made a late-night phone call to his husband. x

Jensen says that the interesting thing about acting is that whenever they yell action everything else in the world goes away. It’s weird, and for that minute to three minutes in which that scene is happening he's not thinking about anything other than what he's doing in that moment and that's a wild thing to have because it can immediately silence everything which is also beautiful.

To lift spirits a little bit the fan asks a second question: what is one of their happiest memories to pull from for a positive scene? Jared says holding his firstborn son, becoming a dad. He also goes back to the previous question real quick to add the advice to remind yourself that no feeling is final wether that's your high highs or your low lows, no feeling is final.

Jensen says he doesn’t know, that he’s a pretty happy guy in general. It’s the more emotional, intense, or somber scenes or situations that take more out of him. Bringing light, and happy, and humor is something that comes easy, he has a pretty optimistic outlook on things. Jared says that's true. And that when Jensen does get down he just sees himself and goes "what can I complain about?" Your husband is hot, we know baby we know. x

The next fan doesn't really have a question she just wanted to know if she could show everyone her tattoo.  x

And the one following doesn't have a question either she just wanted to pass on a message from her friend who could not attend the con to Jared letting him know she loves him and that she sleeps with a moose-stuffed animal every night. To which Jared replies that so does he...and so does Jen. Now y'all can interpret it however you want but to me, this is a clear case of him saying Jen but meaning it with a J, not a G, especially cause he slightly turns his body towards Jensen when he says it, so I'm typing it with a J. But, again, y'all interpret how you want. x

What is the latest happy thing that their family has done for them? Jared says before they got on stage he was face timing G and she was like 'shh' and pulled out her phone to where they have like a nest cam app cause I...guess they have a camera in O's room.....on the one hand, I get it even though they don't like to admit it we know these people have help and hire babysitters all the time so yeah load up on camera's but on the other hand, I don't like camera's in bedrooms they are not a good idea. But I'm getting off track that's neither here nor there, Jared says he guesses O has been on a little bit of a tear lately as a 5yr old who thinks she's 35 (you guess? what do you mean you guess? you don't know?) and when G holds up her phone so he can see O is in her room all grumpy, talking to herself. But she's usually very snuggly and gentle, and she's always going "i love you daddy, you're my favorite daddy". I had to listen to this part like 5 times because I know he means that he's her favorite parent/person but the way he said it makes it sound like he means he's her favorite dad so my brain did a whole record scratch. Anyways, he also mentions playing sports with Tom, and doing Legos with Shep that when they go to the teacher meetings all the teachers talk about how all the kids are individuals and he takes that as a compliment cause when they're home they know they're being supported to be themselves. So his answer is spending time with his kids.

Jensen says Arrow has really taken to a little electric piano they have, and he doesn't play piano but he knows twinkle twinkle little star so he showed her how to play and she learned it in a snap. And on Halloween D send him a video that Arrow wanted him to see, she changed the melody of twinkle twinkle little star to make it haunting. He plays a little bit of it and it's actually pretty good. Jared should teach her some piano and then in the future, if it's something she's interested in, get her a professional piano teacher. x

The last question, is again not really a question, the fan is from Brazil and he asked his friends what they would like to ask the boys and 90% of the questions were: would you marry me? 😂

J2 Gold Panel Phoenixcon 2022

[shortstorytournament]

Short Story Tournament

I AM A BEAUTIFUL BUG! by Julian K Jarboe (2019) (link) - tw: bugs, themes of transphobia

Once at the clinic, I brought my copy of The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka to my brief pre-surgery consultation. I pointed to the inside cover illustration, and said, “Gimme the works, doctor! Just like Gregor Samsa!"

TO BUILD A FIRE by Jack London (1908) (link) - tw: death, attempted animal murder

The trouble with him was that he was not able to imagine. He was quick and ready in the things of life, but only in the things, and not in their meanings. Fifty degrees below zero meant 80 degrees of frost. Such facts told him that it was cold and uncomfortable, and that was all. It did not lead him to consider his weaknesses as a creature affected by temperature. Nor did he think about man’s general weakness, able to live only within narrow limits of heat and cold.

[umichenginabroad]

Week 13: Reflection

There is a sense of finality, but I am unsure how to describe how I actually feel. I have never been one for theatrics, drama and cheese, but I can’t help but already feel the incoming nostalgia. This experience hasn’t been all rainbows and roses, but I can certainly see myself looking back on my life at 80 and marking this period of my time as my peak. Total strangers that I’ve bumped into thousands of times at Michigan have become my best friends that I’ve experienced so much with. People with such a different mindset have worked side by side and competed with me. A culture that I felt so distantly related to has become close, where I can speak the language without thinking whereas prior to the program I was terrified to even speak in front of my own family.

I had a wonderful time, but at the same time it needed to end. In this program, I felt like life in the middle portion had become somewhat repetitive, especially as I struggled with my classes. I think the urgency of the end quickly approaching drove us to exponentially increase our outings into the city but had the program been longer, I don’t know if we would have had the drive to. Also, with such a small program, meant seeing the same faces day in and day out, which I think was great to create a community, but at times I could feel the need for some fresh faces, perspectives, and personality.

So what was our final week like? Busy.

Immediately coming back from our weekend trip to Chengdu, we were thrown into the finals week gauntlet. I actually had one final prior to the Chengdu trip so I only had two more finals, one game-day (where we finish our prototype for our design class), and one final report.

At the same time, I still wanted to take in as much of Shanghai as possible. I got my hair permed, visited a cat cafe, went vintage shopping, and tried lots of recommended restaurants. It was refreshing going into the city, strolling around, trying as many sweet treats before our teeth rot, chatting/gossiping with friends, and just enjoying the bustle and charm of the city. The sweltering 100 degree humid heat has definitely been a deterrent to walking around but in this final week, it doesn’t seem to bother me too much knowing it will be the last time in Shanghai with these people. On our last outing, we just happened to bump into a street musician singing some songs. We just happened to listen to his last song— 今生缘—which really struck a chord, which wasn’t even A minor. I didn’t understand most of it but one line that I did understand roughly translates to “Who knows who is going to continue to take this road with us, as long as we don’t forget.” Maybe I translated this wrong, but the interpretation really hit home with me.

I honestly didn’t expect much from this program. I wanted to get my credits and practice my Chinese and not worry about finding an internship. While reading other bloggers talk about their study abroad experience, I honestly thought they were gassing it up for content, but I honestly believe this experience has been life changing. I’m not quite sure what it’ll be like back at Michigan as people on the trip all come from different friend groups and have packed schedules back at Michigan.

On a less sentimental note, oh my gosh make sure you prepare an empty suitcase to fill up with stuff from China. I came here with half a checked bag and carry on and I’m leaving with 2 checked bags and one carry on filled to the brim. To be fair, my aunt also packed me 18 kilos worth of snacks to bring back to my family, but still! Also, I had the goal of having one last massive TaoBao purchase (Chinese amazon) before I left and It seems like a lot of other people in the program had the same idea; in the package pick-up area I would always bump into a friend grabbing something from their haul. Everything here is so cheap and the make-up is so high quality! If you come to China I have a few recommendations.

Bars: $$$ Odd Couple (Mr. Miyagi) or $ Perry’s

Clubs: INS (2nd or 4th floor) or Fuxing Park in general

Restaurants: Maki (sushi), Xiao er xiang kao 小二香烤 (KBBQ close to campus and 80 yuan/person), Xiaoping 晓平饭店 (Shanghainese food)

TaoBao Vendors: Mo Kuang (Jeans), Judy Doll (Makeup), Ariseism (fun tops), *not TaoBao but 鹿哥哥 外贸男装 has drip for guys*

Cool Streets to walk: Yongkang (Vintage stores), HuaiHai Zhong (croissant gym?)

China and especially Shanghai is an exciting place full of change and innovation, with friendly people! But through talks with the local students and people, you can also see the negatives of China creating an overall well rounded experience. Hopefully these suggestions can jumpstart your trip if you ever hop on your own adventure to Shanghai!

See ya,

Erin Xia

Mechanical Engineering

Shanghai Jiao Tong University Joint Institute

[coloradoron]

The Death of the Climate Hoax Narrative

Before you let climate hysteria overcome your senses and priorities, Please, I suggest you do some research into some of these topics:

1). The logarithmic decline of the efficacy of CO2 as a GHG; ie atmospheric saturation of the bandwidths that CO2 is able to resonate and emit IR heat from. It is a rapidly declining asymptomatic curve, such that a doubling to 840 ppm from the current 420ppm would likely only lead to a .7C increase in temperature. This is the real science.

2) The historical data on temperatures and CO2 concentrations; which show no significant correlational. EG very high CO2 during ice ages and the recent cooling period from 1998 to 2015 (albeit small) - but during unprecedented growth in CO2 PPM. CO2 is certainly a GHG but not to any degree apparently that drives temperature above and beyond other factors eg the sun.

3). Ice core samples from Antarctic and Greenland that show that warming temps always PRECEDE rises in CO2; Oceans are largest repositories of CO2. Warming waters, which take hundred of years to warm, release CO2 (just like a warm soda).

4) The greening of earth. Higher CO2 means plants need to respirate less and thus retain more water and become more drought resistant.

5) Sea levels have been rising at very predicable ~1.84mm per year (or about 6-7 inches per 100 years) for well over a century. This a directly attributable to the ending of the Little Ice Age in about 1850.

6) During the Roman Warming period, at the height the Roman Empire, it was significantly hotter than today. Did civilization get wiped out? No, in fact it flourished. Longer growing periods meant less scraping by and more time for math, science, literature, art, astronomy, and empire building...

7) Hottest decade in last hundred years was the 1930s. Hottest year 1936.

8). Forest fires in US are way down, albeit with recent up ticks. 1920's was by far the worst decade.

9) Hurricanes and tornadoes are (despite media reports) are down in terms of frequency and strength.

10) The Sun is BY FAR the largest determinate of climate changes. I am sure you are aware of the Milanvkovich solar cycles and sun spots. The correlations for long term effects is profoundly tied to solar cycles, and Sun spots have strong correlation to short-term fluctuations.

11) The absolute inadequacy of climate models to be useful predictors of climate. Of the 85 or so models, not one of them has proven to be reliable or useful, they all are constantly over estimating.

12) The scandals around NASA, NOAA, NCAR, The UK Met et al about data tampering and the more than obvious bias to support (the climate scare narrative). When governments control 80%+ of research funds and refuse to fund contrary climate research; it isn't surprising that scientist that need to feed their families find ways to win grants that support the global warming hoax.

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to the working week although, for those of you working in the NHS, welcome to just another day.

R.I.P. Cynthia Weil. With her partner Barry Mann, she co-wrote many beautiful songs including ‘You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling’ by The Righteous Brothers and ‘Don’t Know Much’ by Aaron Neville & Linda Ronstadt.

The weekend got off to a great start! Friday night at The Tabernacle! They’ve got one turntable, a huge sound system and the DJs play seven-inch vinyl to a very appreciative crowd. Good vibes! Good to see legendary DJ Smokey Joe, who I first met at The Palm Tree Club on Fore Street, Edmonton 40 years ago, and good to meet drummer Richard Bailey, who has been part of British black music since day one (playing on albums by Linda Lewis, Sharon Forrester, Osibisa, Billy Ocean, Gonzalez, Incognito, The Breakfast Band, Morrissey Mullen and now Cymande.)

We were at The Tabernacle to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Metronomes Steel Orchestra, an integral part of UK culture for decades. Our great-nephew Elijah-Pops is part of the band. He’s one of those beautiful kids at the top of my Facebook page. I’ve known him since the day he was born. When he cried, they gave him to me, and I would walk around the house saying to him, “There’s no crying in baseball!”

Metronomes is as much a social club and family as anything else. Parents send their kids to Metronomes to join the Mini-Metros, as they grow up, they graduate to the group you will see at Carnival, and then there is another line-up for virtuoso musicians. I’ve got into soca later in life and, having listened to SO much music over the last 62 years, I am very appreciative of people generating imaginative rhythmic arrangements (as opposed to the simplistic thud of flaccid house!)

During the show, I clicked on Facebook Live and captured a few minutes as it happened. Listening back to the video, it made me realise how noisy the audience was! Really hate it when people talk through a musical performance! Go and do your second-rate flirting somewhere else!

Also on Friday, I discovered that my mate Northolt Paul has just contracted Covid! This is a man I hugged last Sunday at The White Lion but, thankfully, I’m fine! And this is why I still wear my mask on public transport and in shops!

Many thanks to everyone that listened to the show live and to everyone that will listen to the show on MixCloud. The Letter N (Part One) next Saturday at 1.00 p.m.

We were going to spend Saturday night with one beautiful friend but she cancelled, so we thought we’d spend Saturday night with Lady Wesker instead but she cancelled too! The one person who was very happy about all this was The Mighty Josiah (he hates it when we go away), which meant we were suddenly on grandparent duty!

On Sunday, I was a man. I mean, obviously, I’m a man but, on Sunday, I was very manly. I attempted and achieved a fairly sacred set of manly tasks. 1) weekly grocery shop at Sainsbury’s, 2) washed the car (and my son’s car as well) with help from son and grandson, 3) took grandson to local park (played football in a cage with kids 50 years younger than me in 80 degree heat), and 4) came home to help prepare brunch. Still got it.

Have a marvellous and momentous Monday. I love you all.

[turtlesandfrogs]

This summer has lead to a change in priorities for me when it comes to gardening. You see, before now, we had mild summers that weren't warm enough to reliably ripen crops like eggplants, melons, or even beefstake tomatoes without additional help. Sunny days without a cloud in the sky were rare. A good part of my gardening mindset was focused on how to get a little more warmth during the summer and how to extend the season so that I could get things to thrive that don't here. I've used coldframes and hoophouses, filled barrels with water to act as heatsinks, babied tomatoes and peppers and eggplants indoors for months to get a harvest.

And now, this summer, guys, it's been so hot. 110f, 115f, loads of days over 85 degrees. This is really unusual weather here- people have died. I see native plants showing signs of stress or outright dying (though many have a wider habitable range and are doing fine, thankfully).

Did I mention we're also in drought conditions? Usually we have a nice amount of cloud cover, and now it's day after day of cloudless skies. Rain was concentrated in January, and we've had far less than usual since then.

So now I am thinking about my garden and how I can grow things to provide shade and cooling, how to conserve water and get creative with water reuse.

It's just, I've spent my whole life trying to figure out how to get a little extra warmth for my garden and now I have to flip to the opposite. How can I get shade on my house quickly (when before I kept the south wall clear so I could grow heat lovers against it)? What can I do to shade the yard so it's habitable during the summer(when before I made sure to plant trees to the north of the house so the south side would be full sun)? What will be able to survive 115 degree days without me having to fuss about it, providing extra water, etc (when before it was how can I get it to survive when our nights stay too cool for them to be happy until late May)?

I knew warmer summers were coming, but I thought that meant more days in the 80s and 90s, not days over 110. I thought it would be a gradual warming, something that I'd have time to adapt to, not this sudden and dramatic change. Will next year go back to our mild summers (that have admittedly been getting hotter) or will future years be as hot or hotter?

I will write up what I'm going to be doing in future posts, I just needed to get this out of my head.

[bagog]

What On Earth Has Happened

Hey, no story here, no experiments. Just a play by play of an awful year in my life. Please don't reblog. Trying to just get it down in one place for people who care about me. Long, sob-story beneath the cut.

Air - 'Things are looking up!' I had started to drift a bit from tumblr. The porno purge came and a lot of my friends trickled off the platform after that. I went back to school, attempting to score myself a Masters degree in something that would pay enough to get me out of Student Debt. I was doing great, picking things up fast. I got a new job at a company doing pretty menial work, but the people I worked with were great conversationalists. The work didn't involve dealing with customers at all, paid well, and was small and accomplishable tasks. Essentially I was being prepped to take a better position at the place once I had my Masters. Covid happened, then. Earth - 'The Whole World Sucks Right Now' My company was "essential," so I continued going to work, now on weird schedules. The company I worked for was profiting off Covid, all the while making fun of it as an overblown conspiracy, even as their own epidemiologist urged them to take better precautions. Work became hard to swallow. Water - 'When your lowest place could be lower' The apartment I shared with my boyfriend flooded. The lowest place in any sewage system is typically the bathtub, such that if it backs up, it does so into that tub. Our lowest point is the toilet. So the apartment flooded. Three times. Roots growing through the sewage outflow meant that, often, you needed to wait a solid hour between toilet flushes, or else the toilet would back up with such gusto the sewage would slosh down the hallway and into the living room. We mopped many times. The problem was finally fixed 8 months later, necessitating our having to camp because our house had no water. Fire - 'To destroy all you've done' One afternoon, I smelled burning. Going to our bedroom, I found our shelf a column of flame. I could barely breathe for all the smoke, but I managed to grab a blanket and beat the fire out. On the other side of the room, the pages of the books upon another shelf had begun to crisp from the heat, the blinds on all the windows were warped. The whole apartment had been about to go up. I'm kinda scared of fire now. Heart - 'When moving is too much to ask' Personal health sorta hit a new low. Migraines kept me out of work for two full weeks. I have seasonal foot pain, I always assumed from hiking for a living in my 20s. Turns out it was gout, all the while. Gout is exceptionally painful: it's like a messy pile of razor blades in the ball of your foot every time you step down. At work, I could barely stand. Walking from my car to the door became something I needed to psyche myself up for. Not a lot can stop a gout flare-up once it's in full swing, so I just had to wait it out. For a month. Two. Some of the worst sustained pain I've been in. Little did I know that, in January, come the kidney stones. Kidney stones feel awful. Feel like total shit. Gout and kidney stones are comorbid--brought about as a result of the meds I take to help me focus. So any day I don't drink enough water is a day when my kidneys or my foot just starts aching. But going back to September of 2020... Homophobia - 'goddammit' Finally things are looking better. I'm limping quickly again. Then I am called into the HR office. I am told that two sexual harassment charges have been brought against me. I'm told that one individual has alleged that I, while in the restroom, used a reflective toilet brush to attempt to peep him under a stall wall. I did not do this. I do not understand--reflective toilet brush?? wtf. The second allegation: I just straight up looked over a stall at a guy. I didn't do this either. I'm asked to defend myself, I ask who or date or time of day. I am given nothing. I remark that I don't think I'm tall enough to see over the stall, and I do not understand about the toilet brush. Of the ten minutes of the meeting, I spend 8 of them trying to get my head around how a claim about a reflective toilet brush has me here. "Would you like us to go now to see if you're tall enough to see over the stall? If that would help your defense?" says the HR head. "Yes, I

would," says I. We did not go. I am told that the accusers have no reason to be collaborating, or to even know each other made a claim. This is bullshit, because it was a company of 80 people, and only a quarter of those employees used the restroom where my alleged harassment was to have taken place. Before I am dismissed from work for the day to go home and wait to find out if I'll be fired or not, I march into the HR office once more and say "I hope none of this is happening because I'm gay." The HR head looks positively offended. I got fired cuz I'm gay. Next day I got a call. They'd come to the "objective truth" (that phrase is burned in my mind), and were terminating me. Apparently they discounted the toilet brush rumor, after all. But they really honestly believed I looked over the stall at a dude. Nightmare - 'No Fear One Fear' Let me tell you something: this is a nightmare. This is my honest-to-god nightmare. I've been terrified of getting accused of something in a bathroom since I was 11 years old. I am incredibly self-conscious and careful in public restrooms. To be fired? From a place full of people I like? And all of them will think I'm a pervert. My boyfriend worked at the same place. He would now have to work there every day dealing with people looking at him and wondering what he must think of his boyfriend. That sent me on a spiral. I'm still out of work, almost a year later. It would have been the worst mental health crisis of my life if it wasn't for my boyfriend, my support network, and the meds I've finally been able to get ahold of. Oh, also. My two accusers? Were roommates. HR knew they were roommates. They basically collaborated on a story to get me fired. The story circulating around the place (I still have acquaintances I talk to working there) has dropped the reflective toilet brush entirely. I guess they thought it was too unbelievable. So anyway, the people who accused me are now telling a different set of events than what I was told. Absolute horse shit. Tried to go to my city's human right's council to see if my situation warranted further attention. I gave my side of the story--including tales of the straight manager who had had enough harassment charges brought against him that he was no longer allowed to meet female staff--which indicated I'd been treated differently and wrongly. My old job made an impassioned argument that the committee violated their First Amendment rights(?) ('Freedom of speech' is the biggie with the First Amendment, for people who cba re:USA). I won the vote!! But one member of the committee was missing. So there weren't enough people for the vote to pass. Dismissed. We took it to the EEOC to make an official federal complaint. Just a week ago, an agent of the US Government patiently explained to us that these laws are literally designed to fuck over the worker and protect the employer unless they are epically stupid, and unfortunately, mine had not been epically stupid. So there's nowhere to go, no recourse to be had. It's over, I guess. Family - 'How to sum it up quickly...' My family hit me with the old soft-disown. No more calls, no more communication. They think they are loving me by not having contact with me. By depriving me of my family, they hope it will make me realize that the path I'm on is destructive, and I'll return to them living an upright life. No. I'm living an upright life, now. And if my family can choose to throw me away, then they are not a family I choose. Then my dad hit me back two months later, absolutely gaslighting me and pretending we never had the disown conversation at all. Reality - 'I don't know who I am anymore' I have trouble knowing what's real, anymore. Every message my dad sends on the surface seems loving and supportive and plaintive. I feel I must be the one in the wrong. I got fired for bullshit reasons. It doesn't feel real. "My family can't possibly have ceased contact with me: that's one of those things I know can never happen!!" But that did happen. So what else that feels real, actually isn't? I do

mean to be so dramatic, and I won't apologize for it. But I truly do feel like my mind has been pretty thoroughly unseated by the last year. Whoever I am, I'm becoming someone different. More distilled, at very least. I've discovered a lot of things about myself: trauma that has likely led to a lot of my mental health problems. Discovered I actually have RAGING ADHD, and it has robber me of a lot of things I wanted to do, and now is sort of consuming me completely. I'm looking for help. Trying to get better. Here's hoping. Every bold point above could be its own book, for all my thoughts about them. But enough of that for now. Love you. Thanks for reading.

[escapewithbts]

The Best Surprise - All members (Yoongi focus)

-----------------------------------------------

The hot sun of early June beat down on your cap covered head making beads of sweat form at your hairline. You lifted your hair from around the back of your neck, which had made you feel like you were wearing a scarf, to fan it with the program you were holding. It wasn’t even officially summer and already the heat was almost unbearable. However, you figured you also felt this way because you were nervous. It was your graduation from graduate school; after your 3 last years of school ever you were finally going to officially receive your master’s degree. And although that was a big deal, it wasn’t the only thing making you anxious.

 “We aren’t just the class of 2021…” the valedictorian of your school spoke into the microphone at the podium on the stage in front of you and your fellow peers, “…we are the future.”

A classic speech, if not just a tad cheesy.

During the round of applause, you couldn’t help but turn around to get a better view of all the family members sitting behind the students. Through all the heads you couldn’t find your parents, or the one person you hoped would be sitting next to them. You stood up just a little bit, so not to garner too much attention to yourself, but quickly losing your balance and stumbling slightly onto the girl sitting next to you.

 “Sorry, I’m sorry,” you mumbled.

Finally, you spotted your parents in the sea of people, glad to see their faces. But your happiness faded immediately when you noticed the chair next to them was indeed empty. Slumping back down in your seat, a feeling of sadness and disappointment washed over you.

“I’ll really, really try to make it, jagiya, okay? I want to be there. So badly. It’s just awful timing with the release of Butter and everything else, you know?”

You heard your boyfriend’s voice on the other end of the phone call.

“I know it is. It’s okay if you can’t be there, I promise.”

You heard him sigh.

“Still get me a ticket though, alright? To the ceremony.”

You couldn’t help but smile, a tinge of hope searing back into your heart.

“Okay, I will.”

That hope finally completely vanished when your eyes fell upon that seat meant for him. You maybe felt a little foolish for thinking he could make it. After all, he was halfway across the world, in the biggest (and busiest) band in the world right now. You wished so much he could be here. But you also understood why he couldn’t be.

“So, without further ado let us recognize each student from this year’s graduating class from the university’s School of Business!”

You and your fellow classmates began standing up row by row to walk across the stage and accept your diplomas from the dean who was calling out each name individually in alphabetical order.

Sooner or later it was almost your turn. You were standing at the base of the steps to the stage when your full name was called.

“(y/f/n (y/m/n) (y/l/n).”

As you ascended the stairs and shook hands with the professors in a line congratulating all the graduates you suddenly heard a loud yell from the crowd.

“YEAH, (y/n)!!! WOOO!!! YEAH!!”

You turned to find the source of the screaming, and when you saw it, your heart felt like it would burst out of your chest.

For there he was, standing at his seat that had been empty just moments ago, jumping up and down and pumping his fist. A few people stared at how loud he had been, but you were way too happy to feel embarrassed. When you made eye contact, he gave you a double thumbs up and a huge gummy smile. You gave him a little wave and grinned back, ear to ear.

After the ceremony was over you rushed to your feet and scrambled through the crowds of people. Your eyes scanned the grounds, your heart beating fast, your diploma gripped tightly in your hand, your other one holding down your graduation cap so it wouldn’t fall off your head.

Eventually you spotted him leaning against a large sycamore tree, one foot resting on its trunk. He was wearing a classic white button-down shirt, a black skinny tie, his hands in the pockets of his trousers and a black jacket that matched under his arm. You felt your heart skip a beat and you caught your breath in your throat.

He looked even more handsome than you remembered if that were possible. His black hair was tousled messily on his head, his milky white skin glowed in the sun, his eyes narrowed searching for you, too. You practically ran to him.

When he finally noticed you just a few feet away a huge smile appeared on his face, and he outstretched his arms. Without a hint of hesitation, you fell into his embrace, breathing in his familiar scent, feeling his familiar body against yours, running your hand through his soft locks. You felt like crying.

 “Yoongi-ah-,” you breathed out, clutching the back of his shirt as if to make sure he was truly in front of you, and it wasn’t just your imagination.

He held you tightly against him.

 “My (y/n) … I’m here…”

You let go slightly and took him in close up. You forgot how beautiful he was; how kind his eyes were, how cute his rounded nose was, how soft his thin pink lips looked. You pressed them to yours in a long overdue kiss.

 “I’m so glad you made it,” you murmured to him when you broke apart.

He cupped your face in his large vein-y hand and rubbed your cheek with the pad of his thumb.

 “I would never miss my jagiya’s graduation. Just look at you!” he stepped back to take you in as you giggled and twirled in your graduation outfit for him, “My babygirl has her master’s degree!”

He pulled you back to him and wrapped his arm around your lower back.

“I’m so proud of you, jagi.”

He smiled and kissed the tip of your nose.

“Thank you, Yoongi-ah.”

Then he held up his finger.

“Oh wait, one more thing.”

You cocked your head as he took the tassel that was coming out of your cap and moved it to the left side.

“There. Now it’s really official,” he looked at the ground shyly, “At least, I think that’s what you’re supposed to do? I’ve seen it in movies…”

You chuckled and wrapped your arms around the back of his neck.

“Yes, you’re so smart! And I am now officially official.”

You giggled and kissed him once more.

The two of you met back up with your parents (they had figured you wanted the time alone first) and they hugged you and said their congratulations. To your surprise, Yoongi had already asked if it were okay if just the two of you spent the afternoon together since he had something special planned. You promised your parents you both would meet back up with them for dinner. They kindly took your gown and cap for you, told you how proud they were of you and reassured you it was not a problem spending all the time you wanted with Yoongi.

“I hope you don’t mind if we have lunch at this Korean restaurant I found online,” Yoongi asked you as you hopped into the back seat of an uber.

You shook your head.

“Of course not, you know I love Korean food. It’s, like, 80% of the reason I decided to date you, I knew I would have it all the time,” you joked.

He rolled his eyes and poked your side gently making you squeal.

“Oh yeah? And what’s the other 20%?”

You made a look like you were thinking hard.

“Hmm well… I guess you’re kind of cute.”

Then you smiled and quickly pecked his lips before he could respond.

At last, the car pulled up outside the entrance of the restaurant and you and Yoongi walked inside hand and hand.

“Hello,” the host greeted with a smile, “table for two?”

“Um, actually, I have a reser-reservation I think it is called?” Yoongi hesitated with the English word briefly, “yes a reservation. Under ‘Min’, please.”

The host looked over the seating chart before finding his name.

“Ah yes, here we are, Mr. Min. I see you reserved the entire back room, yes?”

You glanced at Yoongi thinking it must be a mistake but he nodded his head.

“That’s right.”

The host smiled and beckoned you with her arm.

“Great! Follow me this way please!”

As you followed closely behind her towards the back of the restaurant you tugged Yoongi’s sleeve.

“Yoongs,” you whispered, “you didn’t have to reserve a whole room for us! I would have been fine at a regular table.”

He grinned back at you and wiggled his eyebrows up and down as you reached two closed sliding doors. He shrugged.

“There weren’t any tables big enough.”

You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Big enough for who exact- “

But with that the doors slid open, and six people jumped up from around the large table in the center of the room and yelled,

“SURPRISE!”

A gasp escaped from your lips and your hand went over your mouth in shock.

There before you were Yoongi’s bandmates, your six best friends: Jin, Namjoon, J-Hope, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook, all smiling at you.

Jimin was the first to come towards you.

“Congratulations, our (y/n)-ah!” He wrapped his arms around you in a huge hug, Taehyung soon joining on the other side.

“Congratulations, (y/n)!” Namjoon was next, kissing the top of your head.

Then J-Hope gave you a congratulations dance that made you giggle before embracing you in a hug.

Jungkook wrapped his arms around you and squeezed, making you lose your breath momentarily. Gosh, he was bigger and stronger than you remembered.

“Congratulations, (y/n)-ah.”

You smiled at the youngest.

“Thank you, Kookie.”

Last was the oldest. He strolled up to you and ruffled your hair. You tried to bat his hand away.

“We’re the only ones with two degrees now, (y/n)-ah,” he stated, smoothing down your hair he had messed up and giving it a pat, “Pretty sure that means we’re the smartest of the group.”

You heard Yoongi chuckled and Namjoon snort behind you.

You winked at Jin.

“You’ve always been the smartest of the group, Jinnie.”

It was his turn to snort. Then he smiled and pulled you into a warm hug.

With that, the doors reopened, and multiple waiters brought in plates and plates of food and set them on the table in front of you. Your mouth watered at the sight.

“Aish, what did you guys do, order the whole menu?” Yoongi asked as everyone took a seat.

“We had to, hyung, it’s a special occasion!” Jimin replied, already taking a large bite of the pork ribs.

Before you sat down you took Yoongi’s hand in yours and looked around the table at the seven most important people in your life, feeling happier than you had in while to have them all here together.

 “Thank you, guys, so much for coming. I can’t believe you’re actually here. For me, nonetheless,” you chuckled bashfully, “It means the world to me. Thank you.”

They smiled adoringly up at you.

“Of course,” Namjoon spoke up, “We’d do anything for you, (y/n). And we’re really proud of you.”

Yoongi squeezed your hand gently as happy tears threatened to spill from your eyes.

“Yah, don’t cry, don’t cry!” Jin protested, making a silly face at you.

You giggled and sniffled, wiping under your eyes.

“Yeah, come on (y/n)-ah, you’re going to make everyone cry!” J-hope agreed.

You chuckled softly and muttered a quiet apology.

Jimin stood up and walked over to you. Then he pulled your chair out for you and placed his arm around your shoulders, gently pushing you to sit down.

“Eat,” he commanded with a smile, pointing to the heaps of food in front of you.

Yoongi handed you a bowl of rice and chopsticks before kissing your temple lightly. You quickly started to dig in.

“Now, then,” Namjoon said with a bite of half chewed noodles in his mouth, “let’s here all about the ceremony.”

*

Masterlist

[hhsaryrud]

I ran and turned into another street

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[comparatist]

Here's my updated and edited version of Kalpana Chawla's article!

Kalpana Chawla: The First Indian In Space

It’s almost 14 years since Kalpana Chawla left us, but her memory still resides in the heartbeats of millions of Indians. Her sudden demise was a matter of shock for the whole nation as they were waiting with bated breath for the landing of ‘The Colombia' but their wait turn into a moment of horror when the spaceship met with a terrible accident on the re-entry into the earth killing 6 crew members and Chawla in 2003.

• Childhood: Kalpana was born in Karnal, Haryana in the family of Sanjyoti Chawla and Banarasi Lal Chawla on 17th March 1961. She was the youngest child of her family and was affectionately called Montu. Her family were refugees of the partition, therefore faced tough times while trying to bring stability in the financial area, often opting for various fields of business, even sale of clothes. At last they tried their hand in the tyre manufacturing which turned out to be successful.

Kalpana did her primary education from the Tagore Bal Niketan in Karnal at a time when girls were found more in kitchens than in classrooms. In those times girls made up nearly 10% of the class strength. Her regular attendance and penchant for sketching aeroplanes during art classes from an early age, didn’t get unnoticed by her teachers.

Long before she actually dreamt of navigating the sky, her fascination lay in the vastness of the sky and marvellousness of the stars, she used to gaze at, while lying all down on a cot in the courtyard on summer nights. In an interview with India Today, she said, “The sense of awe for the heavens started here.” When her father noticed her love for flying, he took her to a local flying club, where she got to taste her dream for the first time and that fuelled the passion all the way more.

• Early Education And Obstacles: She completed her bachelors in Aerospace Engineering from Punjab Engineering College, Chandigarh. She had decided of pursuing engineering when she was only 10 years old. When her father got to know about this, he advised her to think about taking up a field which is more ‘feminine' like teaching or medicine to which her response was, “This is what I really want to do.” When she got admitted in the college her teachers too discouraged her from taking the field which was still considered as one of the many domains reserved for the men and got answered by the same set of words. Attending the college in Chandigarh meant moving out of home, another milestone in the era of the normalisation of women ‘settling down' without receiving proper education.

• Shifting To The US: Since she saw no further hope for the Masters in Aerospace Engineering in India, in 1982 she flew to USA to continue education from the University of Texas, Arlington and received her Doctorate Degree from the University of Colorado, Boulder in 1988. Her love was primarily for aeroplanes and chasing horizons through the air, goals always been to work on designing and building high-tech planes. Wanting to become an astronaut was a dream that developed much later.

• Joining NASA: After the completion of her Doctorate course, Kalpana got a job at NASA’s Ames Research Centre, California(ARC). ARC focused on astrobiology, supercomputing, roboting lunar explorations etc. all of which help in NASA’s space missions. Her specific area of research was computational fluid dynamics(CFD) where her job was to devise methods to accurately predict the pattern of air flow around an aircraft. In 1990 she was naturalised as an US citizen. The Challenger Disaster in 1986, where the space shuttle broke apart within 73 seconds after its launch killing all its crews couldn’t discourage Kalpana from applying in NASA space programme. In 1994, she got the opportunity to be a part of their upcoming 16-day microgravity mission. The STS-87 mission abroad the space shuttle Columbia began on November 19th, 1997 with a 6 member crew.

Her duty there consisted of operating a robotic arm to deploy the Spartan satellite used to study the sun in collaborator collaboration with SOHO(Solar and Heliospheric Observatory), a NASA/European spacecraft. Apart from being the mission specialist, she was also responsible for heading several microgravity experiments while on board the spacecraft. The STS-87 orbited the earth 252 times covering 6.5 million miles in 376 hours and 34 minutes.

She talked about the amazing experience she had in this piece upon her return, “When you look at the stars on the galaxy, you feel that you are not just from a particular piece of land, but from the solar system.”

• Columbia Disaster: Her second mission to space as a mission specialist on STS-107 Columbia was on January 16th 2003. The 7 member crew managed to conduct 80 microgravity research experiments on their 16-hour mission clocking in 24 hours a day by working in shifts. When the mission ended, the space shuttle preceded to return back home to Kennedy Space Centre, Florida. During the launch, a piece of shield that protects the spacecraft from heating up on the re-entry came off the wing of the shuttle. On 1st February 2003 on its way back, the heat generated when passing through the earth’s atmosphere destabilised the shuttle and caused it to break up into many pieces. All crew members were instantly killed. With the two missions Kalpana had travelled a total of 30 days, 14 hours and 54 minutes in the space.

• Legacy: “The path from dreams to reality does exist. May you have the vision to find it, the courage to get onto it and the preserverance to follow it.”- Kalpana Chawla. She was posthumously awarded the Congressional Space Medal Of Honour, The NASA Space Flight Medal and The NASA Distinguished Service Medal.

Her trajectory of achievements finds no parallel, which is probably why her life inspires so many woman to navigate the space and continue to influence them in the fields of science.

[plumknodel]

fahrenheit is so mean bc you could be talking about literally any human endurable temperature to my mind. ur like woww 80 degrees 😛 like am i meant to understand what heat direction this statement gravitates to. in my mind youre sizzling rn

[spideychelleforever]

When Spider-MJ Survived the Snap But Peter Didn’t: Epilogue

It had been five years since she and Tony had held Peter as he sobbed and cried and begged for help as he faded away. Five years since MJ had desperately, weakly pleaded with the universe, “no, please, no, not my baby, please not my baby,” as if it cared that she was in love with him and he was dying before her eyes. He wasn’t even hers, anyway, because she’d been so stupid and blind to the precious time they did have together, and how she’d taken it for granted.

It had been five years since MJ’s life was destroyed in the span of a minute as she watched those sweet, sweet eyes of Peter’s fade away as he seemed to watch himself die in despair.

Five years later, MJ knew she would never forget the day her life ended. That she would likely never completely move on from what had happened. She couldn’t erase five years of crying, aching, and heartbreak.

But what she could do now, however, was lean on her boyfriend Peter Parker for support as much as he needed to lean on her.

[[MORE]]

****

Peter and MJ returned to Midtown, and cried again as they desperately hugged Ned. Peter was the one who learned his other best friend was another victim, upon seeing he hadn’t aged a day since he last saw him. But finally, the trio was reunited again.

They had to repeat the school year over again, so that fucking blowed, but they reasoned if it meant more time together, they could take it.

Time.

Time was something so precious, so pure, so priceless. Even after all she’d gone through, MJ wondered if she really understood how much time meant. She figured she should by now, given she was one of the pioneers of time travel. But she was admittedly kind of afraid she didn’t properly understand how precious it was. Sometimes she worried she was taking it for granted.

She’d been given a second chance just as much as Peter, Ned, May, and the other victims had been given. Only Stephen had given her five years back so she could return to being Peter’s age - with a time-displaced Time Stone, meaning that this freebie could never, ever happen again.

Or could it? After all she’d seen, after befriending people like Rocket and Carol and time travel and the Snap, was anything really impossible? She had to keep that in mind, but nonetheless, the gravity of what Stephen had given her was never lost on her.

Besides, she thought. She was in a relationship with Peter Parker, the boy she thought was too good and pure to ever notice how weird and dark and lonely she was; the boy who died a horrible death but came back smiling like nothing had happened. The boy she’d pined after for five years, then grieved another five years. Thinking back, she knew that if Peter had stayed dead, she would’ve never dated or married anyone. As silly as it was, Peter was her person, and even if she died remembering Peter’s death 80 years before, she knew he was the only one for her.

Now he was holding her hand when they walked, buying her her favorite tea, giving her kisses and Goodnight texts. Now he was telling her how much he cared about her and wanted to make her happy.

Thinking all of that made her laugh, too. The universe had been torn asunder, she’d lost all her friends and family, the universe had been saved, and of course, MJ was thinking about how in love she was with Peter. Priorities, Jones.

Their relationship bloomed over the school year. May heartily approved, and so did her parents. Oh dear god, her reunion with her parents was something else. In her grief she’d forgotten a lot of people, and it was certainly weird to explain to them that no, she wasn’t also a victim of the Snap, and what Stephen had done. But they accepted it, saying that if that meant they got five years back with their baby, they were nothing but happy.

A class trip to Europe took place the following summer, and MJ helped Peter defeat disgruntled former Stark employee #35729, Quentin Beck. On a bridge in London, she showed Peter the broken black dahlia necklace, and when she said she preferred it broken, Peter finally told her what he had planned to tell her atop the Eiffel Tower.

“I’m in love with you, Michelle,” he said with a starstruck, awed smile.

MJ’s face nearly broke from smiling so hard. “I’m in love with you, too, Peter.” And they shared a series of progressively better kisses to seal it off.

****

Years passed.

Graduation happened. College acceptance letters happened. College happened. Failing classes happened. MJ’s thighs getting thick and fat happened. The Dean’s list happened. Peter briefly growing facial hair then shaving it off happened. Their first time happened. More threats happened, city level and Avengers level. Graduation from college happened. Masters degree, then a PHD happened. Dr. Michelle Jones happened.

Ten years after Peter had returned from beyond the veil, he had suggested they take a walk through a park that was conveniently close to the middle school they’d met at. Where MJ first laid eyes on the little nerd with mousy hair and a high, squeaky voice, and though she didn’t know it at the time, her heart had gone that day, never to be reclaimed again.

The sun was setting, and they walked from the park to outskirts of the school grounds, and eventually took a seat on a bench, enjoying the comfortable silence as they felt a cool breeze make its way past them to the rolling hills of the park.

“MJ? Are you happy?” Peter suddenly asked.

MJ laughed. “Quite the conversation starter.”

“But yes. Yes, I am.” MJ squeezed his hand in hers. “With you.”

That seemed to pump something into Peter. He let go of her hand and stood up over her. “Then MJ, I want to say this before anything else.”

“I love you. I’m in love with you. However I need to put it, MJ, I’m yours. You are the most important person in my life and I could not live without you. You’re the most incredible, breathtaking, wonderful person there is and I wish I had noticed you sooner so we could have had even more time together. But that’s alright, because I want to spend all my time with you. I want to build my life with you. So MJ-“

“Let me stop you right there,” MJ said suddenly, before Peter could move again. Now she had gotten up, and Peter nearly fainted as he watched his girlfriend take his hands and get down on one knee in front of him.

“MJ, what are you doing-“ Peter gasped desperately.

“You died fifteen years ago,” MJ started, a lump in her throat, “and like I’ve told you, I spent every day for the next five years a shell of a person because I was already in fucking love with you, and I wanted to see you again. Even if you never noticed me, I wanted you alive again because you are the kind of person, Peter, who makes everyone’s lives better because you’re in them. There is no way to scientifically measure just how good you are. That’s why I fell in love with you the day we met at this school. That’s why I knew those five years that I would never find anyone else. Because you’re the one for me, Peter Benjamin Parker, and I never want to let you go, either.” MJ sucked in a sharp breath because now, she couldn’t help it, a few tears were steaming down her face.

“But I’ve known for a while you were planning this so.. so get on your knee and pull it out, Peter.”

Peter looked at her in confusion, interrupting his pure smile, but he realized what she was saying, and did as she suggested. He got down on one knee right in front of MJ, and pulled the ring from his pocket.

Before he could say it, MJ beat him. “Let’s ask at the same time?”

“Okay,” Peter nodded, in awe of what was happening.

“Peter, will you marry me?” “Michelle, will you marry me?”

Both were crying by now.

“Yes.” “Yes.”

And they kissed slowly, deliberately, trying to get all of their emotions into it, knowing that this was one of the most important moments of their lives and still being in awe of it.

And as MJ grinned through her tears, Peter put the ring on her finger. “You know,” Peter said, “Dr. Jones-Parker is such a badass name and you’re gonna rock it.”

MJ laughed. “You never know, I might just take Dr. Parker. I like that name. A certain loser has it as his last name and I like that loser a lot, so..”

Peter grinned. “I can’t believe I’m your fiancé.”

MJ sniffled. “I’m very observant, so I saw it coming a while ago. But this is-this is perfect.”

“It is,” Peter agreed. And they stayed there facing each other on one knee each until their legs hurt.

****

Despite the utter exhaustion she was feeling, MJ couldn’t stop crying, feeling the extra heat of the tiny body bundled in white that she was holding to her. Peter was sitting right next to her in a chair, his face nuzzled against her and their daughter.

It had been seventeen years since Peter had died in MJ’s arms. Despite all the happiness that had taken place in their lives in the intervening years, seventeen years later, as they both held their baby girl, both of them felt like their lives had started anew again.

And they were ready to enjoy it together.

****

This has been a mammoth undertaking that I never knew I had in me. I want to thank my crush @you-guys--are-losers and my dear @spiderman-homecomeme , you two lovelies always inspire me so. I want to thank dearest @theslytherinterran for their constant, unyielding feedback and support. I want to thank @parallelmarvel , one of the Tumblr loves of my life. To @peterjonesparker , who started it all with her amazing series that got me into this fandom in the first place. To @sodafizzyart for always taking my illustration requests and KILLING it each time.

And to the rest of my regular tag-list, all of you being sweet, sweet dears who make me feel special and loved. @spideychelle @spideyxchelle @spideychelle-romanogers @lovely-iris-west-allen @wandrlust-stark @acastleintheair @miranduh1 @seek-rest @tare8chan and allllll the rest.

Thank you all. Spideychelle Forever.

[quirkydeaky]

Life is Real {Chapter One}

ROGER TAYLOR 

how will Roger cope when he finds that his new best friend,  whom he's falling in love with, is slowly dying?

HI! So I’m back and hoping this series will not flop, lol. A few people have been interested in seeing this, so here I am with what people want! If you want, drop a comment or send me an ask and I’ll add you to my tag list. Mwah!

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Also... This story is a multi-part fan-fiction with heavy, mature themes. The Original (and Main) Female Character has a type of Cancer. The type will not be mentioned, but there may be some scenes with heavy implements of medication, treatment or heavily implied scenes at a hospital. 

I DO understand that this topic hits close to home for a lot of people, and if this angst-based series is not something for you, please ignore. Thank you.

[also, send me asks because I need mutuals and also need entertainment!]

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W/C: 2k+

Warnings: Angst. Mentions of personal struggle.

Main Characters: 80s!Roger Taylor, MammaMia2!Lily James (Lillian)

[the start will be a bit slow, but please hang in there! this will begin to swing into place in chapter two, fully being immersed in the plot once we hit chapter three! amazing! love you guys. show love, and enjoy.]

Don't you know... I'm still standing; better than I ever did." Lillian quietly sang, her mind foggy, hazy... cloudy with confusion at the thoughts cramming her brain. "Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid." Why were these thoughts circling in her mind? She was fine, that's what everyone thought. It's what it looked like... looking like she had the normal life, maybe some even classified her as privileged after coming out of Oxford University with a post-graduate degree in English and Creative Writing. One with creatives wonders and endless ideas, she was. Her apartment was a bare representation of her mind that was constantly running at the speed of light, a new idea popping up maybe every five minutes, but, the only real action taken in her apartment was the jingle of her keys as she placed them down on the bench of her kitchen, her shoes she chose to wear that day - their clunk hitting the wall as she slipped them off and walked the rest of her way towards her room where she would immediately strip herself of the day's clothes and swap for an oversized hooded jumper. The twenty-seven-year-old always had the audacity to write about her dream life, always adding to the one project she would constantly come back to, like she always has. It had been her side piece throughout university, her majors and lectures always taking priority, a negative fact of her life, as she always wanted to work on this specific piece. The one about her life, not her life in this reality, but the next. Almost a replication of her life if it could be done over again. Her life would be a buzz in this reality. She'd have a better childhood, not one where her father left at the age of eight after providing a solid year and a half of social and financial abuse, leaving herself and her mother with nothing. They grew from that, though. Her mother found better, and even though Lillian hated the guy at first, they grew to become mutual towards each other. Nothing more. She'd have a sibling or two in this life. She'd always wanted one, always wondered why all of her friends had one and she didn't, an only child. But with life moving quickly and a fast independence building for herself, those friends soon faded from her life when she finally found her dream career she was going to work hard to get anywhere near the end goal. A form of desperation, giving her one of the few things she wanted in this life, which would be the only reward she'd receive in this life, too. But the next, she'd be twenty seven, hopefully engaged. Maybe even be a little risky, perhaps, and have her own child be a part of her bridal party. Her son, a page boy? Her daughter, a flower girl? But this life, her real life, held something different. She was twenty seven, at home in her bare, white coloured walls of an apartment writing this supposed dream she wanted to live; this supposed... fantasy, she wanted to fill. But instead of filling this void with her next dream and fantasy, she was filling it by achieving her goal of becoming educated enough to write a book. So that's what she did. Working one, singular shift a week at the local grocer, this is what she lived off. The basics. That's all she needed. She'd had her own form of independence for a while, ever since she finished school, her mother now an obnoxious brat who had her new man, completely forgetting about her daughter that was still under her care at age seventeen, as that's when she completed that form of education before shipping herself straight off to university. Don't get her wrong, she was glad she got this early offer for Oxford, her grades and teacher's recommendations actually getting her somewhere. Yes, don't take her as an ungrateful woman, glad that she was given somewhere to go after being shipped off to Oxford, her mother providing substantial money to find and buy an apartment. Yes, that's right, buy. Her mother even covered costs of attending university, and she was eternally grateful, but also disappointed she couldn't fulfil her duties of being independent as she wanted to, but she wasn't selfish, either. Ten years later and she could count on one hand how many times she's had a call from her, yet, after promising on those calls that both herself (her mother) and her 'father', would come visit. She couldn't even begin to count on one hand how many times they've come to see her. Zero. And, besides the point, she never had the heart to tell her mum that she was going through some tough things in life, fearing she would be met with words similar to 'stop being silly, you're just uneducated', or even better, 'you just don't know how to go about life', - all before she got to the actual reason she called. But that wasn't it at all, because she was perfectly fine in the aspect of having resources. She had an excellent education, a roof over her head and skills to get her somewhere in life, whether she had much of it left, that is. That's why she didn't have the heart, nor the confidence to tell her mother that she was dying, over the phone. She also feared that her mother wouldn't care. Wouldn't believe her. So here she was, strolling the streets in, the dizziness the succumbs her in the morning, the feeling of nausea that doesn't drift until around lunchtime a lot of the time. She tries to prevent wearing black in pure daylight, it attracts sun and heat, which could make her pale and fragile skin burn, making it turn red and peel at a much faster rate than what the rest of the human race would know. Refraining from wearing black also means the people who walk behind her oddly skinny figure don't have to see the constant fall of her blonde hairs that shed from her head, sticking to the material of her clothes. She doesn't want to freak anyone out. But today, Lillian wore black. She typically wears a long sleeve on the top half and long pants on the bottom half, prevents from scaring people, and more importantly herself away, from her constantly bruising skin, the weakness of her own skin bruising at the slightest touch with a little extra force, for example, hitting her elbow on the kitchen bench. Bruise, almost a few hours later, black and blue skin in a circular shape. With a negative mindset almost half the time, her mental health isn't always they greatest, as she sees how her body is affected from treatment, how strong it's getting as her body somehow, after some rounds, grows weaker. Independence was important to Lillian, as mentioned before. She had one, a real friend who stuck close by for a while, but dropped out of the degree they were in together half way through to move to Scotland. Sophie was her name, but after tears and shouted goodbyes at the airport, a promised call every week soon turned into calls once a month, and then once every birthday, maybe on Christmas day if she were lucky. Lillian doesn't even know if Sophie remembers her. So she didn't tell her. No one knows. It's hard that no one knows about that battles Lillian has with herself every day, fighting through the pain, the surprises and the side effects. She doesn't have an outlet, anyone to go to. Her confidence is drained to the point of no return, so she wouldn't even consider going to visit someone like a counsellor. It's been three years and seven months as of the beginning of July 1980. Today. January 1977, not the nicest way to start off the year when you're diagnosed with cancer and given, at that point in time, a message, one saying to 'live the next five years of your life to the fullest', because the doctor's didn't even know if Lillian would be here for her thirtieth birthday. This really isn't how she imagined her life to go. She knew since she was fifteen that she wanted to be an author. Yes, she was eternally grateful that she had an excellent education, the beginning of her life set up for her. But she also wanted to become an author, whether that meant she published a book and it made two people's bookshelves at home or if it meant she became the most known author in the world for the next ten years. She didn't know, she didn't care, she just wanted to get a book published. Lillian is twenty-seven years old. Her birthday is in April. In all honesty, she has a maximum of two years to get this book out, and if she does, she will die a happy woman, as long as she gets one of her works published. She didn't care if she didn't have a boyfriend, a husband for that matter. Yes, she may have been a little upset at the fact that the chance of her having children was becoming closer to impossible than highly unlikely, but what could she do? She was a woman walking around, her 'cancer tag' of sorts, invisible to the rest of the world, to the naked eye of the people that walk past her on a day-to-day basis. She'll sometimes get bruises on her shoulders when people unnecessarily barge into her. But what she felt right now was a sense of loss of direction. Her recent chemotherapy session was a little stronger than the last, and one of the side effects was a lack of remembering things. Forgetting things all of a sudden. Surroundings, thoughts, all those types of things. This thought overwhelmed her, as she tried to escape her routine of staying home in isolation for most of the week and escape to the different parts of England, wanting to explore. If she didn't have long left, she needed to do it. Lillian really didn't know where she was; picking up the pace as she sees street signs not far ahead through her blurry vision, both from tears and as a side effect. Speed walking was a common thing Lillian did, sometimes to escape the world when it all got too much. Running was something she refrained from doing, the speed her legs were to travel at making her muscles stiff after a while. Another side effect. She knew the city she was in. Norfolk. She was still in England, but she doesn't remember what specific part she's in. This is the difficult part, trying to remember. Slowing down as she enters a street with townhouses, mostly single or double storey, nothing extravagant. A quieter part of the town. Friendly looking. Lillian calms down a little, walking slow with an effort to make her heart rate drop back to average resting rate, so she wouldn't visibly stress once more. But her heart rate only sped up as she realises she's reached the end of the street. A no through road, no way to get to any other part of own unless she turns around, but that was the opposite of what she wanted to do. Her breathing increases, the effort to summon her energy to turn around and walk back to where she originally came from disappears, so she turns back and walks forward towards the door in which she was standing not too far away from. Knocking. A thing that makes her nervous. The chance of having to communicate with someone. She wasn't introverted, god no. She was as extroverted as could be... or, more or so used to be. She believed she still was, but, that was for both her and whoever answered the door to find out. Her breathing may be rapid, and her mouth may be dry, desperate for water. She was dehydrated- but her breathing only increases once more, her mouth becoming impossibly dryer than she's met with a confused face of a man, blonde. He's beautiful, and she knows who he is. She seems to forget everything she's supposed to know as she makes eye contact with this man's piercing blue eyes. She knows who he is. It's Roger Taylor. Drummer. Famous. Queen. "Uhm... Hello?" He asks, clicking his finger in front of the startstruck girls face. "Can I help you?"

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[driftcrs]

black  sheep  by  gin  wigmore  +  ripped,  high-waisted  shorts,  bruised  knuckles  matched  with  a  sharp,  acidic  tongue,  and  questions  you  desperately  want  to  know  the  answer  to,  but  no  one  seems  to  know  ⧽  ━━  don’t  look  now,  but  that’s  LEAH  CLEARWATER.  the  twenty-nine  year  old  SHAPESHIFTER  has  been  here  in  seattle  for  6  MONTHS,  and  is  a  NOMAD.  they’ve  always  been  LOYAL  &  INTREPID  but  i  guess  this  town  just  brings  out  the  worst  in  people  ;  apparently,  they’ve  been  way  more  HOT-TEMPERED  &  GUARDED  than  usual.  it  wouldn’t  surprise  me  if  they  knew  what  was  going  on.

 greetings lovebugs!  i’m  kai,  and  i’m  beyond  excited  to  bring  the  beautiful  &  incredibly  strong  bean  (  that  deserved  so  much  better  2kforever  )  leah  clearwater!  under  the  cut  i  have  some  headcanons  along  with  some  deviations  from  canon,  because  again,  i  can’t  stress  enough  how  much  i  loathe  the  whole  ❝  leah  clearwater  is  a  nasty,  bitter  harpy  ❞  narrative.  but  yes!  if  you’d  like  to  plot  or  chat  or  anything  please,  please  feel  free  to  hit  me  up  here  or  on  discord!  i’m  open  for  all  the  things  and  can’t  wait  to  write  with  all  of  you!  

 deviations  from  canon  :

 was  born  to  harry  and  annette  clearwater.  however,  one  day,  when  leah  was  seven  years  old,  her  mother,  without  warning  or  care  for  anyone  but  herself,  just  up  and  left  her  and  her  father  and  never  came  home.  this  left  leah  to  taste  the  first  stings  of  heartbroken  abandonment  at  too  young  of  an  age.

 for  a  while  afterwards,  it  was  just  leah  and  harry  on  the  reservation,  and  although  hard,  she  learned  to  accept  that  as  her  new  normal.  her  father  meant  the  world  to  her,  and  just  having  him  was  more  than  enough  for  her.  

 a  few  years  later,  however,  harry  fell  in  love  with  and  married  his  second  wife,  sue,  whom  –  although  rather  difficult  at  first  –  leah  eventually  came  to  accept  and  truly  care  for  as  a  mother-figure.  

 not  long  after,  when  leah  was  ten  years  old,  her  little  brother  seth  was  born  --  finally  completing  their  family.  

 the  beginning  catalyst  of  anger  for  leah  shifting  for  the  first  time  was  not  the  argument  with  sue,  but  instead,  sam  leaving  her  and  subsequently  finding  out  about  him  and  her  cousin  emily.  it  was  the  abandonment  and  betrayal  from  her  childhood  coming  back  full  force  (  and  in  some  ways,  so  much  worse  ),  and  it  was  far  too  much  to  take.  the  altercation  with  her  step-mother  was  just  the  final  straw  in  everything  else  that’d  been  festering  to  the  point  it  exploded.

 it  was  possible  for  leah  to  leave  sam’s  pack  (  because  if  she  could  ditch  the  uley  pack  for  jacob’s  without  an  issue,  who’s  to  say  she  can’t  just  leave  on  her  own  if  she  wants?  )  so  she  did.  and  she  did  try  to  be  a  part  of  the  uley  pack  at  first,  but  being  able  to  hear  sam’s  incessant  thoughts  about  emily  was  too  much  for  her  along  with  everything  else  she  was  going  through.  it  also  didn’t  help  that  the  pack  could  hear  every  single  one  of  her  thoughts  as  well.

 so,  currently,  leah  is  packless  (  though  i  am  def  open  to  that  changing!  )

 leah  DID  NOT  go  out  of  her  way  to  bring  up  painful  shit  for  the  other  pack  members  while  she  was  there.  she  cares  about  all  of  those  guys  (  maybe  in  different  ways,  but  she  does  care  )  and  would  never  do  anything  THAT  cruel.

 she  phased  when  she  was  24  years  old  and  still  looks  forever  24  even  though  she’s  really  29.  

 headcanons  :  

 don’t  ever  mess  with  seth.  period.  you’ll  die.  point,  blank,  period.  her  little  brother  means  the  absolute  world  to  her  –  she  admires  and  loves  him  so  dang  much  –  and  there’s  nothing  she  wouldn’t  do  for  him.  

 feels  immense  pain  and  guilt  for  her  father’s  death,  even  though  it  wasn’t  at  all  her  fault.  she  just  doesn’t  see  it  that  way;  if  only  she’d  controlled  her  anger  better,  if  only  she  was  stronger,  if  only  she  wasn’t  so  different.  if  only,  if  only,  if  only  .  .  .    

 takes  boxing  and  yoga  classes  to  help  with  her  anger  and  phasing.  

 is  *nsync  vc:  bi,  bi,  biiiiiii.  

 feels  like  a  complete  outsider  most  of  the  time  –  not  knowing  why  she’s  the  only  female  shifter,  and  what  that  means.

 on  that  note,  she’s  trying  to  do  as  much  research  as  she  can  on  the  side  to  try  and  figure  it  all  out  and  understand.      

 in  love  with  80’s  rock  –  you  can  always  see  her  with  ripped  shirts  of  various  bands,  high-waisted  shorts,  and  flannels  (  safest  for  phasing  ).  

 loves  tattoos  and  has  quite  a  few  of  them  (  actual  pictures  of  tattoos  and  their  meanings  to  come  later  ).  

 has  a  huge  freaking  heart  under  all  her  guards  and  walls.  she’s  just  been  hurt  so  much  in  the  past  that  she  doesn’t  let  many  people  in  unless  you  PROVE  to  her  that  you’re  true  and  won’t  leave.  but  once  you’re  in?  you  have  a  loyal  friend  until  the  very  end.  

 is  still  the  fastest  wolf,  and  can  and  will  race  if  asked.  

 definitely  more  of  the  type  to  think  with  her  heart  than  her  head  in  heated  moments,  and  is  impulsive  as  hell  (  which  usually  gets  her  into  trouble  ).  

 works  two  jobs  at  a  small,  but  popular  bookstore  in  seattle  and  as  a  bartender  while  she  goes  at  her  own  pace  in  getting  a  masters  degree  in  literature.  

 very,  very  weary  and  distrustful  of  vampires,  though  she  does  acknowledge  that  there  are  some  decent  ones  out  there.  

 curses  like  an  absolute  sailor.  

 possible  connections  :  

 *none  of  these  are  gender  specific!

close  friend  /  confidant  :  leah  doesn’t  let  a  lot  of  people  into  her  inner-circle,  so  this  would  be  someone  that  means  a  whole  lot  to  her  –  someone  she  confides  in  and  trusts  with  her  whole  heart.  

current  or  past  hookups  /  flings  /  fwb  :  though  she’s  afraid  to  commit  to  a  relationship  after  what  happened  with  sam,  she’s  not  one  to  shy  away  from  hookups  and  the  like.  i  think  it’d  be  interesting  to  explore  her  having  this  with  someone,  and  how  the  dynamic  is  (  would  totally  be  up  for  like:  you  drive  me  nuts,  but  god  the  sex  is  so  good,  so  we’ll  just  fuck  our  frustrations  out  on  each  other  at  night  and  snark  at  each  other  during  the  day,  or  even  just  a  sweet  mutual  thing  –  i’m  not  picky  at  all  ).

imprint  :  of  course,  the  big  one!  leah’s  convinced  she’s  never  going  to  imprint  (  or  even  be  happy  )  so  i’d  love  for  this  person  to  come  along  and  completely  knock  her  off  her  feet.  i  just  want  my  girl  to  have  the  love  she  deserves,  pleaseeeeee.

and  also  would  love,  coworkers,  unlikely  friendships,  enemies,  etc.  i’m  open  to  all  the  things,  tbh!  

[emilyannerecoversblog]

One Month of Recovery 1-3-2020

December 3rd, 2019 started with excitement. A burning passion, a spark igniting inside me, a ball of sunshine burning a hole in the demons that plagued my ill mind. Today was liberating and terrifying at the same time. Letting go of my unhealthy coping mechanism of self starvation was freeing me of the lonely isolation I put myself through for two years, but my fear of the unknown was still very present in my mind.

I remember being ecstatic to have a breakfast that wasn't oatmeal. For two years I filled my hollow stomach at 10 am with gluten free oats and a handful of low calorie fruits, but this morning was going to be defined with sweet potato toasts and dare I say, peanut butter! The two of many foods my eating disorder was terrified by, threatened by even. My mind labeled sweet potato as “too many carbs” (which is ridiculous since sweet potatoes are incredibly healthy and full of nutrients) and peanut butter as “too fatty” (which is also ridiculous since peanut butter is a good source of protein AND HEALTHY fats your body needs to be at optimal health). I’m not sure if my shaking body was a result of pure happiness as I slabbed a thick layer of the creamy, golden peanut butter across the long vibrant orange slice of sweet potato, or shock as I was about to betray my eating disorder that I confided in for two years by consuming the two foods my eating disorder labeled “NO” so easily and willingly. 

I guess it was a combination of both happiness and shock at how extremely compliant I was being. When I put my mind to something, I do it. That’s my nature, my personality, its the real Emily. I saw this liberating breakfast as a “fuck you” to my eating disorder. Eating the “do not touch” foods meant showing my eating disorder it no longer controls me, slashing the head of the beast and silencing it. I knew I had to do this, and while I sat down to devour the delicious new breakfast I prepared for myself, I smiled, feeling that exciting spark igniting deep inside me. The burning passion of living again is what kept me going that day, eating fear foods, silencing the voice, gaining life and happiness back every second I decided to let go of my eating disorder. 

January 3rd, 2020. I have been really living, breathing, experiencing life like never before for a whole month now. I have rekindled relationships, I have tried new foods (seitan, witch is a plant based protein that mimics meat with 31g of protein is amazing, btw), I am happy, my skin is glowing, my hair isn’t falling out, my body is regaining the muscle it ate to keep me alive, I am not fatigued by walking up stairs, not dizzy, not cold in 80 degree heat, I can concentrate, I do not think about food 24/7, I am no longer afraid. This month has been the best month of my life. That isn’t to say recovery is just sunshine and rainbows, recovery is hard. Recovery means constantly fighting with the eating disorder when it is screaming “NO” at your every move that you attempt to push the disorder away. Recovery means eating foods that scare the shit out of you, hospitalization, recovery means opposite actions. Recovery means night sweats, no running, extreme hunger, hyper metabolism, bloating, constipation, acne, and the inevitable weight gain your body needs to achieve so desperately. I’ve had my fair share of breakdowns this month, yes I’ve given into my eating disorder and might have not eaten a snack, or maybe ate fruit instead of desert, but recovery is also not linear (and that’s OK, as long as you don’t continue to give in). I realized I have gained too much life back that I am not willing to give it up again just for a smaller body. I will not go back to the rigidity I lived by, I will not go back to my small world of eating my stupid gluten free oats alone in my room for hours. I will not let a disorder talk me into pushing people away that I love in my life just to be underweight. being underweight is not an accomplishment, it is not something I value in others, so why should I pride myself in it?

I put my mind to something I fucking do it. I smash it, I accomplish it. I’ve done it before, always have. It’s my nature, my personality, its the real Emily. I start it, I finish it, crush it to the absolute best I can. And this time it will be no different. I chose recovery and I will recover, no matter how hard it will be or get. I say bring it on, hit me with your best shot, nothing can stop me now. The passion that burns inside me is too bright to be blown out by the eating disorder that is quietly packing it’s bags and moving out more and more every day. Don’t stop me now, I will only burn brighter than ever before. 

She remembered who she was and the game changed.