#i am not sure how much of this is true to the extremes I lay out but

[not-terezi-pyrope]

Vent post, okay to reblog though I guess

The thing I notice most about being a fat trans woman is how nobody wants to talk about it.

I mean, sure, it’s an identity combo that will come up occasionally in laundry lists of identity combos when people are professing vague textual expressions of unspecified support, but nobody is really willing to talk about what it means.

I have tried to talk about what it means, what it feels like, but after one too many untouched twitter threads and reddit posts with two upvotes, I am more than aware that thin people, even thin trans women, would much rather keep on scrolling to the next 1000k upvoted post of a skinny woman on two months of HRT who already looks more feminine than I will after my whole transition.

And I don’t have anything against those women; I wish them all the best. But it really hurts seeing it, knowing people don’t really care to talk about how femininity as a trans woman is so often only obtainable if you are skinny, or else if you are fat in the precise right way that is only obtainable through intense body modification and/or surgery. I don’t get to mention the uncomfortable smiles and derelict dating profiles when other trans women gush about the vibrant new queer sexual communities they have found since transitioning. I don’t get to talk about how I am far and am therefore either a man, or a woman so ugly I bring down the mood when I impose myself into communities that they expect to all be full of hot, skinny queer women.

Because the thin lefty queer folks in those spaces don’t want to admit to themselves how often they are viscerally grossed out by my body. It impinges on their self-image as liberated and universally accepting. And like, I don’t begrudge them not being attracted to me. Nobody owes anyone else attraction, or reciprocation to advances (at this point I mostly don’t bother making those advances). But what does bother me is how people will continue to talk like this isn’t a thing that is true, to cover their ears and shut their eyes and continue to crow about how achievable these things are for everyone, how femininity is just a clothing change and hormones away, how easy it is to date other trans women and form sexy catgirl polyam harems once you come out, how it’s “just about confidence!!!”.

I wish that were true. I wish that was my experience with the culture. But although I have been out as trans for a while, I am still treated, in terms of sex and romance, roughly equivalently as a fat woman as I was as a fat boy; beneath notice. Knowing through the subtle cues people give that if I even tried to approach a thin cis woman it’d be a genuine “hello??? Human resources???” moment.

I failed my last diet. I will probably start another one soon that will probably also fail, and then I will keep trying, because society has been screaming at me for years that getting thin is only way to achieve a version of me that they will accept for who I want to be. You can’t transition weight in the same way as you can transition your gender presentation, at least not without a lot of physical and psychological pain, but that is what is asked of us, or at least me. The world screams at me for it. It’s astonishing how much casually worse people see you as for being overweight; it’s so pervasive that people simply cannot acknowledge it, because it would too greatly shatter their impression of a fair world.

Because people won’t talk about this I’ve never been offered a serious practical alternative to continuing to hate my body and trying to, some day, lose weight. if there is an alternative solution I’ve never been offered it because people will pretend that there is simply no problem. I am repulsed by the idea of gastric surgery, but the last few months the idea has really started to grow on me as a last resort that I might simply have to try before it gets too late for me to have a womanhood. Dieting landed such a blow to my mental health at the end of last year and I have nothing to show for it since I have pretty much gained everything back. It really saps my hope for the future that even after all this, I still don’t get to just be a girl and be liked/wanted by other people in general.

[drakaripykiros130ac]

People are so insensitive when it comes to Rhaenyra’s situation. I have never seen so much cruelty directed towards a girl who was put between a rock and a hard place.

You all are acting as though Rhaenyra’s goal in life was to cheat on Laenor and undermine the Velaryons, her allies and her kin. She didn’t sleep around with the purpose of getting back at her husband and having children with other men out of spite (she’s not Cersei).

Rhaenyra was forced into marriage with a gay man and expected to produce heirs not only for the Iron Throne but also for Driftmark. So, an heir and a spare for House Targaryen. Another heir and another spare for House Velaryon. Four children (preferably sons) were expected from her womb. Good luck with that.

Let’s suppose that the rumors are true and Jacaerys, Lucerys and Joffrey are not Laenor’s. Rhaenyra’s decision to have children with another man should be less criticized, and regarded with more sympathy. She couldn’t spend her entire marriage life to Laenor without having children. Her “suitable” options were these:

1. Remain childless and let herself, the Princess of Dragonstone and Heir to the Throne, be called barren.

2. Demand an annulment by exposing Laenor’s nature (confirming the rumors), and not only humiliating House Velaryon (her allies) but also putting the succession of Driftmark into question (since Laenor was Corlys’ only son and his chosen heir).

At a time when a faction of snakes was constantly nipping at her heels, either one of these options would have left Rhaenyra vulnerable at Court.

She took matters into her own hands and had children with another man. And not just another man. This was a man she could trust, her sworn shield, a man who cared for her and who would never betray her (it’s hard to find someone like that).

To claim that she should have chosen a Valyrian (as though the options are unlimited) is extremely superficial. For this to work, she needed someone trustworthy, someone who would not attempt to claim the children later on. We all know that Daemon would have been the best option for her. She loved him, he was Valyrian and her ally. But alas, with his own marriage and life away from Court, it wasn’t really possible. And I am not really sure if Daemon would have been okay with another man laying claim to his children (that is up for debate).

Rhaenyra preferred a man who was trustworthy over a man with the “correct” features. The chances were 50/50 that the children would look like her, and unfortunately, they didn’t. That’s that.

Laenor and Corlys accepted the situation, because they understood what it would cost them all if they didn’t. This whole thing was on their heads. They provided the heir to the throne with a husband incapable of reproducing. It was not Rhaenyra’s fault.

As such, the children were recognized as Velaryons by the father (Laenor), the Lord of Driftmark (Corlys) and the King (Viserys). And these are the only opinions which matter. No one can prove that the boys didn’t inherit Baratheon and/or Arryn genes. Legally, Jacaerys, Lucerys and Joffrey are the sons of Rhaenyra and Laenor.

When it comes to the Iron Throne, it doesn’t matter who fathered Rhaenyra’s children, as long as they are hers. She is the ruling Queen. And we have no way of knowing how things would have gone down after Rhaenyra became Queen. Daemon had two sons of his own. He could have managed to convince Rhaenyra to acknowledge Jacaerys, Lucerys and Joffrey as bastards and then legitimize them, since she has the power to do so. If the boys wouldn’t have been accepted by the Realm (unlikely), there is also the possibility that Rhaenyra could have decided to pass the succession to her and Daemon’s children. Rhaenyra had legitimate heirs who could have taken the throne after her death.

As for Driftmark, despite greedy Vaemond’s ramblings, the succession was just fine. The Velaryon line would have continued through the marriage between Lucerys and Rhaena.

Lucerys had the Velaryon name and Rhaena had the Velaryon blood. Their children would have had the Velaryon name and blood. Problem solved.

People need to stop acting as through Vaemond was some sort of crusader, demanding “justice” for his House. He was just as much of an upstart as the Hightowers and he wanted to take Corlys’ power for himself, and so he took advantage of some rumors to discredit Rhaenyra’s children and advance himself.

Things are not black and white, and given Rhaenyra’s nearly impossible situation, exceptions can be made. And these exceptions wouldn’t have affected neither the succession of Driftmark nor that of the Seven Kingdoms.

[whispersingojo]

Always an angel, never a god

Content ✮ sad angst from Satoru, comfort, fluff, teen!Satoru x teen!reader

Summary ✮ after a rather emotionally taxing mission, Satoru comes back thinking about who he is, what he was. He starts to break down in your arms…unable to cope with the answer.

Inspired by ✮ this beautiful tiktok edit

Word Count ✮ 958 (short and sweet)

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Satoru wobbled his way to the curb of jujutsu high. He fell onto the curb, throwing his hands into his hair. His heart raced deep in his chest. He tried taking a deep breath, but it felt like his body wouldn’t allow him. The breath he let out was extremely shaky, unable to release fully.

He gripped his hair, letting himself fall into his back. His heart finally started to calm down, allowing him take in full, deep breaths.

Satoru’s arms fell out, laying out wide. He felt numb for a moment, staring up at the bright blue sky.

“What am I even doing…” he sighed, closing his eyes. The blood on skin skin began drying in the sun, staining his skin.

He laid there for a while with his eyes closed, listening to the birds singing. He was enjoying the peace around him, the wind blowing through his ears. He wanted to lay here forever, to never do any of this again.

He thought about leaving jujutsu high multiple times. What would happen if he left? How many people would die because of him? Would people hate him if he just got up and left? All these thoughts ran through his mind.

Satoru sighed again, opening his eyes. When he opened, he saw you standing above him watching him.

“Hi ‘Toru,” you laughed, smiling with your eyes closed.

“Creepy much?” He chuckled, pushing himself up, “what’s up?”

“Oh I’m just here because I heard you got back,” you sat next to him, “how was the mission?”

Satoru sighed, leaning his head onto your should, “tiring…they’re sending me out on so many missions.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, love. If you want I can help get you get cleaned up while you rant to me?” You leaned your head on top of his.

He didn’t respond, his eyes closed again. Just being with you always calmed him down, and you know that. You let him him lay on you for a bit, enjoying the peace together.

“Yeah, sure,” Satoru responded after a few minutes, removing his head from your shoulder and standing up. He reached his hand out to you and helped you up.

You two began walking into the building. Nothing was said between you, but you did glance over at him. It was easy to read his expression without his glasses. He looked sad, numb. You were worried about him, so you were happy to clean him up.

When you two made it to his room, you told him to sit down while you grabbed a rag and a small bucket of soapy water.

When you came back, Satoru gave you a weak smile. You sat next to him, setting the small bucket in the middle of your crosscrossed legs. You dipped the rag into the bucket, ringing out the towel, then lifting it to his forehead.

“You know…I love you so much,” Satoru said softly, closing his eyes, “thank you for doing this,”

“Of course, love, anything for you,” you smiled at him, “and I love you too. So what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

Satoru sighed, thinking for a moment, “I don’t know…I’ve just been questioning what my worth is to everyone. I’m being sent out on so many missions…I feel like I’m just a weapon.”

You dipped the towel back into the water, “well you’re the strongest! Of course you’re-“

“But what am I!” Satoru stood up, starting to get a bit upset, “I’m Gojo Satoru! I’m not this weapon that everyone can just send out to do all their dirty work!” His eyes began to fill up with tears, being overcome with emotion, “I’m a person! I’m a person with feelings! Even you see me as just a weapon…”

“No baby that’s not true!” You set the bucket to the side, cupping his face in your hands, “I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry. You’re not just a weapon- you are extremely passionate and caring. You love your friends and pranks and failing your exams!” You wiped the tears from his eyes, “I love you so much, I could never think of you in such a poor light.”

“It’s just so hard to believe that when I’ve been told that my whole life…I’m starting to lose myself to this thought that I’m only liked because I’m the strongest…”

You listened quietly as he cried, “I’m supposed to be this strong jujutsu sorcerer…but god dammit I feel so weak…I feel so helpless. Whenever I’m sent out on a mission, I hope I don’t come back so I don’t have to feel like this. But every time I win because I see you in my head and I wanna come back to you every time…” he paused, sniffling, “I’m so weak…I need a break from all this jujutsu sorcery shit…I wanna go out and live a normal life. I wanna live with no care in the world, but I know that’ll never happen for me…”

You pulled him to his bed, making him lay down with his head on your chest, “i don’t care what everyone thinks of you, love. As long as I’m with you, I’ll always see you for what you truly are, and that’s Gojo Satoru. I’ll make it my life’s work to make sure that someday, everyone sees you as such. Maybe one day you can retire, and we can live on a far in the middle of no where. We could raise chickens, maybe a cow…just us. No one to ever bother us, how does that sound?”

Satoru snuggled close, his face wet from the tear, “thank you…”

“Of course…now let’s finish getting you cleaned up.”

Satoru pulled you closer, “just a little longer…”

You giggled, messing with his soft hair, “ok…”

[signanothername]

Reading your head canon, I am surprised that each Murder agreed to work with Nightmare instead of a duel to death and be passively aggressive instead of fully aggressive and non-compliant, and use any knowledge of Nightmare and Killer to hit them where it hurts. Since Nightmare cannot destroy AUs like Error, Murder's only fear would be his own death, not due to the pain, but because of his own self-penance to haunt Dusttale alone and stop the human. Like when he is "recruited" by Nightmare or as you mention in your head canon, brought back by Killer, I would still think Murder would make sure the fights either end with his win or his death. After all, Murder values his autonomy and freedom. Because even if Murder is an adaptive, intelligent tactician, he is still a mortal compared to Nightmare, he would realize he has reached a dead end, so death is the only option, compared to working with two people that remind of the human that he hates. Well, the only reason I see Murder pretending to be compliant is to probably plan a betrayal and join Dream, as Dream is the only weapon against Nightmare, maybe even try to train him, because he doesn't care about Dream, but Nightmare is as bad or worse than the human, so by Murder's logic, he should be put down. Otherwise he has no ability to travel home or power to harm Nightmare, so as mentioned above death is the only other option. Over all, it could be argued that every Murder!Sans has a lot of reasons to defy or fight Nightmare, even if it causes his death. Plus I still think Murder vs Killer wouldn't be so one sided for Killer, since Murder, as Sans spent more time improving his skills during the resets compared to the loads Killer, as Sans spent fighting Chara over and over. So beside loading, I still think Murder might have an edge in battle experience and intelligence.

The ask Anon is referring to for context <33

Oh Murder was not compliant, not at all Anon, in fact, that’s exactly why I think Murder gets replaced the most, it’s because of how non-compliant he is, I don’t think Murder would ever agree to join the gang, I never said he would

You’ll notice I only talked about his passive aggressiveness with Killer specifically in the Murder Time Trio ask, and in fact, do talk about how Murder would pry into Killer’s private matters all just to piss him off, I never went on about Murder’s relationship with Nightmare in depth

And I didn’t go in depth cause the previous ask was for the Murder Time Trio as a whole, and their relationship with each other, so I couldn’t just talk about Murder in depth or in much detail as I wanted cause otherwise I would’ve absolutely diverted from the main point of that ask

But now that I have this beautiful ask I can actually go in depth as much as I want >:)

And you’re absolutely right that Nightmare can’t destroy AUs, the most Nightmare could do is lay waste to the Au, but Dusttale is already a wasteland so nothing much Nightmare could do there, that’s exactly why I say that Murder would try his luck and run back to his Au (and continue on doing it over and over), and it’s exactly why I say that Nightmare struggles with controlling Murder the most, cause Nightmare has no true power over him mentally, Murder doesn’t care about dying by Nightmare’s hand and he knows he could try his luck as much as Nightmare’s patience allows

Murder would definitely perfer death over being under Nightmare, cause if he can’t be useful enough to save his Au from the human what’s the point?

In fact allow me to be bold and say that I wholeheartedly believe Murder is also the hardest to “recruit” by Nightmare, cause I genuinely believe that in some timelines, the Murder that was supposed to be recruited by Nightmare just offed himself before Nightmare could get ahold of him, cause again, better death than be taken away from his Au, something that Nightmare has grown wise to and usually tries to knock Murder out before he tries such extreme measures, then later Nightmare controls Murder in certain ways once he’s got Murder under him

But here’s the thing, when we talk about Murder and Nightmare’s relationship, only looking at one side of the coin (in this context Murder) is missing the point in my humble opinion, cause yes, Murder does prefer death, and yes Murder would be aggressive and noncompliant, but how does Nightmare deal with that? Cause in every relationship there are multiple sides to look at, not just one

Cause while Murder prefers death, wouldn’t it make sense to also believe that Murder would want to preserve his life to be able to get back to his Au and stop the human? I mean Murder cares this much about his Au doesn’t he?

And that’s exactly why I previously mentioned Nightmare’s emotional/mental manipulation tactics, Nightmare knows Murder would try to preserve his life IF he has hope he can get back to his Au, so Nightmare LETS Murder get back to his Au from time to time, all to give Murder the false hope that he can get away, that false hope contributes to Murder thinking that death isn’t the only way out, further lengthening Murder’s stay under Nightmare, all while Nightmare uses the “you can go back to your Aus” card as some sort of reward for “good work”, to condition Murder to (very reluctantly) work for Nightmare to get this “reward”, all while “bad behavior” aka Murder trying to run back to his Au on his own (which literally doesn’t work cause Murder doesn’t have the ability to hop between Aus) means Nightmare punishes Murder by forbidding him from going to his Au, which usually ends with Murder clawing at Nightmare, which only further worsens his punishment

So as time goes on you can imagine Nightmare understanding Murder enough to be able to get to a point in which he can condition Murder enough so he becomes a bit less hostile just to get his chances to get back to his Au, only to be dragged back by Killer when Nightmare deems Murder has had enough “home time”

And here’s an interesting question, why won’t Nightmare go himself to get Murder back from his Au? It’ll be a lot easier and less time and source consuming wouldn’t it?

And to me? No it’s not cause he’s an all mighty King and he just sits on his ass doing nothing and lets his underlings do the dirty work for him (cause while i believe Nightmare deems some things as “beneath him” I despise the idea that Nightmare is an absolute lazy bitch that doesn’t do anything but monologue, which is why I interpret Nightmare my own way) in fact, I like to think Nightmare is so fucking obsessed with being in control, that in fact he’s sure to keep everything under his watchful eye, he knows every little thing about his prey (in this instance it’s the Murder Time Trio) he knows what they do, how, and when, he knows every little weakness and every little strength they hold, he understands them to the littlest detail in order to keep control over them

And in my interpretation of Nightmare, sending Killer instead of going himself is just another manipulation tactic, Nightmare knows Murder would be a bit confident in his ability to fight (and even win) against Killer, something that he won’t believe if it was Nightmare himself that came to get him, it further engraves that false hope that Murder can get away one day, if (or “when” in Murder’s view) he wins against Killer

Which brings me to the question, is Killer vs Murder one sided for Killer? No I don’t believe it is, in fact I agree that Murder has spent his time refining his skills and experience, however, let’s not forget Killer also is just as intelligent as Murder is, I for one think Killer and Murder are almost on bar with each other in terms of who wins or loses

I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m not biased towards Killer, cause I definitely am, it’s very obvious that he’s my favorite, so please don’t take my interpretation as an objective correct analysis of their fight, i’ll be simply talking from my humble (very biased) opinion

However if we think logically, Killer has a few things Murder doesn’t, and these would be 1-inability to recognize his body’s limit, 2-his soul’s stages, and 3-a much higher LV than Murder’s

Murder is at LV 19 mostly, Killer, while Rahafwabas has stated they’ll leave it up to interpretation, has been shown in a comic to have a glitched LV of 99999, which in my opinion makes sense considering the Determination Killer’s soul holds, and it automatically means that Killer’s stronger than Murder (if we wanted to get technical at least)

But I don’t like technicalities in analysis of fights so that brings me to the points I’m actually interested in

Something to keep in mind, is that Killer is also just as intelligent as Murder is, Killer’s mind moves just as quick as his body moves, he improvises mid battle and is generally very unpredictable, and to top it all off, Killer fights dirty, he uses any means necessary, and he doesn’t rely on raw power, but on his mind to win

Killer is also extremely observant and has a tendency to study people under a microscope, all while pretending he’s the stupidest most idiotic bitch you ever met, so Killer probably has Murder’s weaknesses memorized and probably already studied Murder enough to know how to deal with him during a battle

Not to mention, if we talk about how much experience each of them holds, then it’s really up for interpretation, cause listen, in my interpretation, I believe Murder has amazing experience, but you’re also talking about Killer, who worked under Nightmare before any of the others, meaning Killer not only has just as much experience, but Killer’s experience is vast and varied, as he fights a variety of people from completely different Aus, with different levels of powers/ intelligence, all while Murder only fights the same people under the same circumstances over and over (then again, this is really up for interpretation, your interpretation of whether Killer worked under Nightmare first or not could be different, i’m only talking from my own point of view, it’s not a hard fast truth or a correct objective interpretation, so please feel free to disagree <333)

Killer (at stage 2) doesn’t recognize his body’s limits, he in fact, thrives on pain, Killer could literally reach the point where his body would collapse at any second and yet still fight like it’s nothing, he’ll go beyond that point, Murder won’t, once Murder’s body reaches its limit it’ll immediately mean he lost, cause Killer won’t stop until A-his mission is complete and he dragged Murder back, or B-he’s dead, there’s no in between for stage 2 Killer

Which brings me to the point you mentioned which is the loading, whether Killer can save and load is really up for interpretation, cause as far as I know, there’s no canonical info on whether he can save and load, but I for one, believe he can, and how long can Murder hold his own against Killer before Murder reaches his limit? When Killer holds the same power the human (who Murder keeps losing to) holds?

Another thing to keep in mind is Killer’s stages, they provide a great advantage in terms of fighting, cause while I believe Murder can absolutely hold his own against stage 2 Killer, I don’t believe he’ll have much advantage against stage 3 Killer, and he sure as hell will not ba able to keep up against a stage 4 Killer, now whether Murder would trigger Killer enough to reach stage 3 and 4 is really up to you and what you like to think, I for one think if Murder knew about Killer’s stages, he’d be smart enough not to trigger Killer to reach those stages cause he would know he won’t win if Killer did reach them, however if Murder doesn’t know about his stages, then the possibility of Murder triggering Killer into stage 3 or 4 on accident is possible, which will not end on a good note for Murder

All that aside, do I believe that Killer always wins against Murder? No not at all, I actually like to believe that sometimes Killer wins, other times Murder wins, and other times? Killer had taken his sweet time trying to get Murder who was holding his own pretty well, that Nightmare shows up himself to take care of it (usually Nightmare would be very pissed at both of them, resulting in Killer and Murder paying grave consequences)

As for Murder working with Dream, I honestly can’t see Murder having the patience to actually work with him, cause each second he spends with Dream is another second away from his Au, and I believe Murder is smart enough to know Nightmare isn’t very easy to take down, other than the raw power and intelligence Nightmare holds, if Dream was truly able to take him down Murder would think Dream would’ve already done it, Murder is intelligent enough to recognize working with Dream would be a waste of time and effort that could’ve been used on much more important matters (such as getting back to his Au)

The only reason I’d see Murder making contact with Dream at all is to only request that Dream open a portal to his Au, only to realize whoops!! Dream can’t open a portal to a place filled with negativity, which only would frustrate the shit outta Murder

Murder’s circumstance really makes me sad ngl, the guy just wants to be back home dammit 😔

[itstimetojellyfish]

Hello! I hope your day is going well! Could I request a angst/comfort Jiyan x reader, where Jiyan has been away on the battlefield for months. The reader is feeling extremely lonely, and when Jiyan surprises the reader with his return, he's very gentle and wholesome with them. Thank you very much! I hope this wasn't too vague.

LETS GOOOOO!!!!! Now imma go suffer and try find a picture that actually fits . Thanks !

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Missing you.( Im back) Jiyan x reader

It’s been so long since you’ve last seen your lover’s face .

The mission was only supposed to be a week , but now it’s been months .

You really miss your overworked lover… as exhausted as he can be , you vowed you would take care of him anyways .

( You forgot to protect and nurture your own heart as well)

Now you’re on the bed , just praying to see a glimpse of teal to just give you a bit of hope that your lover’s coming back from the battlefield . Then you can take care of his weary bones and make sure he feels loved.

You stare at the ceiling , trying to recall what Jiyan looks like….

Sharp features…

Amber eyes…

Teal hair….

You forgot the rest………..

YOU FORGOT THE REST.

How could you?! That was utterly ridiculous! To forget what your lover looks like?!

But unfortunately, it was true , it’s been so long …. That you can’t even remember what he looks like , only colors , you couldn’t even describe his outfit.

As you realize how useless you are you start to hiccup and cry because you didn’t think you’d be so incompetent to the point where you forgot your lover…

Before your thoughts can spiral any further down the hole of despair, something moved around , you were pretty sure no one was supposed to be up at like , 1:47 am ….

You take a robe from the closet and put it on before opening the window and peeking outside , you couldn’t see anything , the usual , grass , trees, and the midnight general , and the city-

THE MIDNIGHT GENERAL?!

You whip your head to the side to make sure you weren’t hallucinating, only to find out you probably were since he wasn’t there…

You turn around to get back in bed but to your surprise , before you can even twist your upper torso to the side , long , warm arms wrap around your waist and coddle you gently .

You manage to turn around and come face to face with your lover .

He ‘s back

Sharp eyes , the color of molten lava , look at your figure slowly , his eyes trailing up and down as he makes sure you haven’t malnourished yourself in the months that he was gone.

You stare at him dumbfounded as you realize he’s actually back and not some stupid hallucination you have .

As he looks over you , he sees the dark , semicircles punched underneath your eyes. He rubs a thumb over them before saying .

“ You didn’t sleep , did you? Were you worrying about me?” He kisses your forehead before lifting you in a bridal carry and placing you in bed

You respond in a meek tone ,” Yes… I was worried okay?! You told me it was only supposed to be 2 weeks! It’s been 5 months.”

He stares at you as tears well up in your eyes , and then gently kisses them away , hugging your smaller frame as he replies with “ I’m sorry .. the Tacet Discord waves were getting bigger and bigger..”

He looks at you for a moment , then asks you ,” How about I run us both a bath , you let me take care of you as a reward for waiting for me , and I’ll sleep with you as my reward , alright?”

You stare at him and bite your lip for a few seconds before nodding and looking up at him , eyes softening.

He gives you a sweet smile before going to the bathroom and starts to run the bath , you could hear the water gently splashing on top of itself.

He then goes to the closet and pulls out soft , silk robes for you two to wear after the bath is done .

When the bath is filled with warm water, he gently picks you up and puts you in the bath , the water overlapping .

After the bath is done and both of you are throughly satisfied, he lays you on the bed and sits on the edge .

You cling onto him before letting go and patting your side , silently asking him to get in bed with you so you both can sleep.

He slips into bed with you and gently plays with your hair as one arm wraps around you and holds you flush to his chest , reassuring you that he’s here and breathing in one piece .

Soon your eyes begin to close , but before they do you say ,” Love you ,Jiyan..”

You were too drowsy to hear the response from him , but you knew that he loved you anyways no matter what and would return to you .

He smiles when he hears what you say , and then kisses your forehead, replying with .

“ I love you too,goodnight,my dear moon.”

[grace-mint]

A Fate Worse Than Death- Part 2

TW: Angst, mentions of torture and SA. Let me know if I miss anything.

Y'all I am so ready for this happy ending. (Spoilers: it will have a happy ending bc I can't read angst without happy endings). Also sorry it's a bit short, but I couldn't keep going without it getting way too long.

Rhysand hadn’t slept in three days. He could hardly eat or drink anything. He couldn’t get himself to care for himself, his main priority being the female lying in front of him. As much as his family tried, they couldn’t get him to eat. Only when Amren walked in and called him a ‘pathetic bastard,’ and stubbornly refused to leave until he ate, did he indulge her.

He sat in a chair in the corner of his and y/n’s shared room, far enough away from the bed, but close enough to keep an extremely close eye on her. He had smelled another male on her, dread sitting in his lower chest at the idea of what that may mean. Azriel had quickly captured her father, brothers, and the male he smelled after they found her, unconscious, and had them in his cells at the Court of Nightmares. He couldn’t get the image of Y/N out of his head. Her body was covered in blood, her arms and legs bruised and scabbed up, and her back. Cauldron her back. It was completely wrecked. Her wings were gone. It broke him to know that she lost an extension of herself. As anxious as he was for her to wake, he was grateful for the time it gave Madja to attempt to heal it. She told him it would scar, severely. The trauma her back endured from whips and knives. The trauma of her wings being cut out, in lieu of the faebane that was running through her system, was enough for her back to heal quite slowly. Madja had said it would take several weeks, if not months potentially, to fully heal. Her mind, Madja told him, was another topic entirely. Rhysand had known this, he would never expect her to bounce back from something like this. He cursed himself. Since she left for that mission he had cursed himself. 

She was fine for a day or two, keeping him updated through their bond. The third day rolled around, and instead of getting his usual ‘Good morning, my love,’ greeting he was used to, he was only greeted by silence. He didn’t think too terribly much of it, assuming she was busy, but when evening had passed and still no word from her, he began to really worry. A pit of unease sat in his stomach all night. He had tossed and turned, debating whether he should leave for the camp to make sure she was okay. He had talked himself out of it, telling himself he was being overprotective, and that she could take care of herself. And she could, she was a fighter, the strongest person he’d ever met. 

He told himself this again and again as he sat there in agony, watching his mate, who lay still on the bed. A knock at the door broke him from his trance. He looked up to see Azriel walking in. Az took a long look at the bed, a shadow covering his face, before he looked at his High Lord. Rhysand knew he must look like a wreck. Rightfully so. His mate had just gone through hell. No. She had gone through something worse than that, and here he was sitting, perfectly healthy, when he did nothing to protect her. 

“You need to get some sleep,” Azriel said softly. He was a man of few words, only knowing when the situation warranted it or he felt comfortable enough. “She wouldn’t want you to sit here, torturing yourself over this.” 

As much as he didn't want to think it, he knew Azriel was right. How could he help her recover from this… What could he even call it? Situation? Ailment? No, this was something much worse. This was the equivalent of a lost life. It was an Illyrian’s worst fear; their wings are sacred to them, and the lowest form of insult bestowed upon their race is defilement of their wings. Only a true monster could do something like this. Anger flared in his chest again, the thousandth time in these past few days, at the thought of her father. Even his father, cold as he might have been, would never even have the thought of using one’s wings against an Illyrian. He wanted to kill her father so bad. Better yet, he wanted to rip him apart, limb by limb. And here was Azriel, having the audacity to tell him to rest?

“Shut up, Az.” Rhysand snapped. “She’s just lost everything precious to her, and you are telling me to relax??” 

Azriel didn’t even flinch at the tone of his voice, instead he walked over and placed a hand on Rhysand’s shoulder. “She didn’t lose everything precious to her. She still has you. Take a bath at least brother. You deserve it.”

Rhysand sat for a few hours after Az left, his mind running a thousand miles a minute. Finally, with a sigh, he got up and grabbed some spare clothes, walking into the washroom. The bath, as usual, was already filled with steaming water. He looked at himself in the mirror. He did look rough. His face was pale and gaunt, deep bags underneath my eyes, and in the eyes Rhysand looked broken. Taking off his shirt, summoning his wings, he stretched them out to their full length. Rhysand stayed there for several minutes, imagining how life would be without them. He couldn’t. His soul revolted at the idea of losing them, and he quickly let them disappear, the ache in his chest growing. He knew Y/N was going to suffer greatly, she already had. Running a hand down his face, he undressed and slipped into the tub. The warm water felt wonderful, but he didn’t allow himself to enjoy it. Rhysand cursed himself, he was wallowing in self-pity. He was the most powerful High Lord in existence, blessed with the most beautiful, most intelligent, and the most perfect mate to ever live, and yet he was still too weak. 

Rhysand scolded himself once again, how could he be so pitiful when his mate is laying on their bed, still not awake. He got up from the bath, quickly toweled himself off, and got dressed. He walked back into the bedroom, hoping you might be awake, only to have that squashed by seeing you still sleeping. 

He sat back down in the chair he’d been living in. He would stay by your side until you woke up. 

----Y/N POV----

Hands were touching me, everywhere. They were running through my hair, down my front, my rear. I was screaming, or at least I was trying to. No sound was getting out. Panic wracked my chest, I was going to die. I was going to die right now. The hands kept exploring, and they reached my wings. Pulling on my wings. Pain sparked in my back where my wings were attached by powerful tendons and membrane. I yanked away, trying to escape. Not my wings, I screamed, the words still not escaping my throat. I shot upright, the screams finally tearing from my throat. I quickly tucked my wings around me, seeking their comfort. The dream was terrifying and all I wanted to do was to turn over to my mate and tuck myself in his powerful arms. But as I went to tuck in my wings, terror struck my whole being. I couldn’t feel my wings. I looked over my shoulder and saw nothing. Another blood curdling scream left my throat. I threw myself out of bed, attempting to run to the bathroom, but I couldn’t make it. I fell, my body off balanced without the comforting and natural weight of my wings. 

“MY WINGS. MY WINGS ARE GONE.” I sat on the floor, sobs wracking my body, the pain in my back that I started to feel was agonizing. I was dying. That was the only possible answer. 

“Shhhh, my love. It’s okay I’m right here.” I felt a hand on my cheek. I flinched away, throwing myself as far as possible from the touch. 

“Go away! Leave me alone! Don’t take anything more from me!” Sobs broke through each of my words, the syllabus coming out choked and teary. 

Y/N, darling, it’s me, it's Rhys. I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll stay on the other side of the room, but you must calm down. A voice struck through my jumbled thoughts. Rhysand. That was my mate. Yes, I’m your mate. Rhysand. You are in Velaris, in the townhouse. We are in our bedroom. 

I look up, seeing my mate in a chair across the room, like he said. His eyes were frantic and wild. He looked pale and distressed. “Rhysand?” 

“Yes, my heart. I’m right here.” He slowly stood up, walking over to me. “Can I help you up?” 

I nod, not finding the energy to answer. He slowly and carefully, with attention to avoid the searing pain in my back, picked me up. I don’t know how he knew where it was so painful, but I was eternally thankful as he set me back on the bed.

“Rhys, my wings are gone.” My voice cracked with my words. “Someone took my wings.”

“I know, I know. I’m going to make them pay severely. Your father will die the slowest and most painful death. I swear it to you.”

At his words, the memories came rushing back. My father, my brothers, the male who used me. My head snapped up to my mate. “You need to leave.” His face fell, “Leave? No, I don't want to leave you. You’ve been passed out for nearly 3 weeks. I can’t leave.”

“Get out. Go, I don’t want to see you,” as I said the words, my heart roared in protest. I wanted him to stay, but he couldn’t. He can’t see me like this, weak and a failure. 

“Y/N, please.” He begged.

“I won’t ask again, leave.” I spat the last word out. I saw him flinch, and I wanted to leap up and beg for forgiveness, but what would he think if I told him what I let them do to me. 

Rhysand, begrudgingly left, reluctance to leave evident on his face. I felt awful for kicking him out, but I needed to be alone, for his sake and mine. 

I slowly stood up, wobbling, and tried to walk to the bathroom. I almost lost my balance, before deciding to just say screw it and lowered myself to the floor. I crawled to the bathroom, placing my hands on the counter, heaving myself up. The sight in the mirror shocked me to my core. My face was extremely sunken in, my body frail and bony, and my wings. The absence of my wings was devastating. It felt utterly wrong. I was wrong. 

I stared at myself in the mirror for a very long time; I hated every second of it, but I couldn’t bear to take my eyes away. A knock on the doorframe forced me to wrench my eyes away. There stood Cassian. His eyes full of sorrow and anger. 

“I heard you were awake and wanted to come check on you.” His voice was soft, as if talking to a frightened child. I just stared at him in silence, before turning my gaze back to the mirror. What was the point of life anymore? I was robbed of any dignity I had left. From now on my life be pitiful looks and watchful eyes from those who knew me. 

“Stop looking at me like that.” I say, without turning to look at him. “Stop it. Stop treating at me like I’m an object about to break.” 

“It’s okay to break, Y/N. None of us will blame you. Whatever you need or want, we will be by your side. If you want to wallow, we will be there. You want to yell and scream? We’re there to take the brunt of it. If you want to burn the world down? We will be there to light the matches.” His words went in one ear and out the other. 

I looked at him once again, with no emotion in my eyes. I saw his wings poking out from behind his back and jealousy reared its ugly head in my chest. “Leave. You think you can just come in here and flaunt your wings around and act all high and mighty. You are nothing more than a bastard who crawls at his High Lord’s feet.” 

There wasn’t a single part of my soul that believed the words I spit at him. In fact, I hated myself for saying them, but I wanted him to feel just a fraction of the eternal soul crushing pain I was feeling at the moment. Cassian’s expression didn’t waver at all though, instead he just tilted his head to look at me. 

“Is that the best you can do? That all you got?” He was goading me on, and I knew it. But this conversation had exhausted me enough. “Goodbye Casssian, “ I said in dismissal. I didn't bother to see if he left, I simply turned my head back to look at the mirror, to look at the ugliest creature in the world. Me. 

----Rhysand POV----

Cassian walked back into the kitchen, his face grim. “She called me a bastard, said I crawled at your feet.”

“She doesn’t mean it,“ Rhysand said, somewhat softly. He knew Cassian didn’t believe 

her, but he wanted to remind him.

“I know. Just hurts to see her like this.” Cassian and Y/N have always had a wonderful

relationship. He was able to be the older brother she never got to have. 

Rhysand poured another shot of whiskey, handing it to his brother. “She kicked me out. You should have seen her when she woke up. She was terrified. She was terrified of me.” His voice was broken. Pain seeping into his words.

“She just needs time.” He knew Cassian was right, but the ache in his chest was overwhelming at this point. Not to mention that the bond had gone numb on his mate’s side. He knew it would be bad, and he was expecting this, but he just didn’t know how to help her.  “She was looking at herself in the mirror when I was up there.”

Rhysand looked over at his brother, “Can I see?” Cassian nodded his approval as Rhysand entered his mind, finding the interaction between Cassian and Y/N. The lack of emotion in her eyes and face was the most heartbreaking thing he had ever seen. She was so gaunt and thin. She was a shell of herself. And Rhysand would stop at nothing to help her find her way home to him and his family.

[gabessquishytum]

So there’s this manhwa called Match Made in Bed (no happy ending for the main couple I’m afraid but the premise is very dreamling-coded) where basically this woman is recently dumped because of how stiff she is during sex so her friends decide to hire some hosts to cheer her up. Among the hosts is this one guy who’s actually a swim instructor doing a favor for his friend but he’s actually really reserved and haughty (sound familiar?) and kind of looks down on the whole practice of escorting. Eventually the woman gets hammered and he ends up taking her to a hotel room where she entices him into sleeping with her to prove she can be a good lay and surprise surprise, their sexual compatibility is off the charts and they have sex nine times. But afterwards they don’t know how to move forward because she can’t imagine dating a host (even tho he’s not) and he can’t stand rich women who go around flaunting their money and hiring escorts (she was lying about her job as a stewardess too). But at the same time, they can’t keep their hands off each other. And so, shenanigans and misunderstandings ensue. I can totally imagine Hob and Dream in this scenario where they keep saying tonight will be the last night but then in a turn of events they keep running into each other like it’s fate, like Hob unknowingly signing up for Dream’s swim class, and who can resist a good fuck? Hob has literally never met someone who can make him cum so many times before and Dream has never had so many wet dreams. And it’s good for both of them. They’re both getting better sleep and relieving so much stress. I imagine eventually one of them will get their act together and come clean about their true job so they can finally be happy and fuck without anything holding them back.

I am now extremely obsessed with the concept of host!Dream. Or how about, Desire is actually the host, but for some reason they've persuaded Dream to fill in for them! Probably so they can have a vacation, lol. Anyway: host!Dream.

Hob is super intimidated by the gorgeous hosts that Jo organised for him, and he ends up drinking waaayy too much. He's pretty sure that the gorgeous guy with the blue eyes is actually disgusted by him (Dream is just struggling to keep smiling for hours and hours 😭) and it makes Hob feel so discouraged. When the pretty guy escorts him to the hotel room, Hob doesn't even mean to seduce him - he literally stumbled and fell into Dream’s arms. The kiss that followed just felt natural. And after that... Well. Hob usually hates drunk sex but with Dream, he feels... incredible. He doesn't even feel intoxicated. He just feels like he's floating, encased in a shroud of total pleasure.

Dream doesn't even know why he slept with the sad drunk guy, but. Even he has to admit that it was amazing. Hob might be awkward and dumb, but his body is everything Dream has ever wanted. He can hardly believe that it wasn't all just an amazing fantasy, but sure enough he wakes up with Hob the next day. And Dream IMMEDIATELY leaves. He doesn't like rich finance guys (Hob lied about his job, he's actually a teacher) and it's not like this host gig is even HIS job.

Hob wakes up alone, feeling physically amazing but emotionally devastated. Even though he's probably too jealous to handle dating a host, he can't help wishing that Dream stayed. At least for a morning blow job...

Of course the universe brings them right back together. Hob promised that he would finally learn to swim this year; Dream turns out to be his instructor. They fuck down in the shallow end of the pool after Hob learns to float (who needs to swim when you can cling onto a sexy man while he fucks you?), Dream shows up to pick his nephew up from school and runs in to Hob as he comes out from teaching a class. They don't have time to do anything but make out messily in a supply cupboard, but it's still incredible...

They still refuse to talk about their obvious perfect physical compatability. Hob still believes that Dream isn't really into him. Dream still can't pluck up the courage to actually speak to him. Every other week they end up in some kind of compromising position - Dream has memorised all the little scars on Hob’s body, and he's kissed every single one of them. Hob can't get off by himself anymore, not without Dream inside him.

The only consolation: Desire is back from vacation, soon. If anyone can get the idiots together, they can. But Desire isn't always inclined to be helpful... and they might just make everything worse!

[day-drawn-blog]

Jealous over Astarion's affections

Pairing: Astarion x Reader -- This is set in Act I

I got triggered by some flirtations banter between him and Shadowheart and I realized, my tav, if anything like me, would probably feel extremely jealous too. We are not together yet, so do I even have a claim on him? I needed to write down this scenario.

Tags: angst, fluff, sadness, angst, fluff, then maybe eventually smut because I do love that

Part I. Crowned light moon of mine - I found you too soon

Part II : Lace your heart with mine Let your sleeping soul take flight

Part III : maybe tonight I'll rest in peace

Part IV: There is much to do and I still want to live

Part V: Our futures bound, our bodies known

Part VI : These ain't my sins, I broke my chains

Part VII: You are not mine and am I truly yours?

Part VIII : your blood like wine, invite me in

Part IX: I'll welcome my sentence and give you my penance

Part X : I can't go yet...don't let me die

--------

What a day. As you all were sitting down next to the campfire, your eyes couldn't help but wander at Astarion. While you all were fairly new to each other, you noticed, Shadowheart was quite comfortable around Astarion. and Astarion was acting quite familiar around her too. You wished you didn't see that. So you quickly averted your eyes. Every one else seemed to be busy being merry, laughing, drinking and having a good time. So why couldn't you relax?

You stood up, intending to clear your head. Why do you feel such a sharp pang. You don't love him. You barely know him, he may not even be a good person for all you know. What had you hoped? That he would favor you over everyone? But why... is it because, you yearn...

You yearn for him.

Your heart lit up. And then, you remembered, he didn't, yearn for you. He likes Shadowheart. The beautiful Shadowheart. And she is powerful. Of course he would. She was like a dangerous flower. But a flower all the same. And you? Just a nobody, with no past, and a future you cannot envision. Nothing to your name. Except for a sword, bound to you by a pact. Power. To dispel enemies. To fight your way in this madness that has engulfed your world. But they weren't enough. Not enough for him to yearn for you...

You ran.

Through the woods, far away from your friends, and the warm fire. Through the darkness, like your racing mind. Till you were out of breath in a field bathed in silver moonlight. And the world was quiet. And you felt welcome by Nature. And loved. By the world around. There was not a soul around, and you broke down, in tears. As you felt sorry for the state your heart was in. And how brutally it was crushed. You blamed yourself for even getting your hopes up.

You wailed.

Your cries could not be heard by anyone here. You felt grateful for the serenity. You lay on the grass, hugging yourself. Before long, you closed your eyes, and were drifting off due to exhaustion. The day was hard. The night even more so.

Your light sleep was interrupted by the sound of twigs cracking under approaching light footsteps. You jolted up and were shocked at the shadowy figure looming over you. Instantly your hand reached for your Pact Weapon, but the other party - just as shocked initially - cried out in self defense. "Its' me! Astarion! Please, I did not mean to scare you. Please."

You lowered your weapon. But he had some explaining to do.

"I am sorry, I - I didn't realize it was you. I - I thought you were someone else. A bandit. And I, I was going to well... I was hungry."

He took a deep breath. Resolved to his fate. "I would never hurt you. Or any of my friends. I want you to trust me."

"Alright, let's say that is true, what did you want with this.. bandit? You wanted to loot him I suppose." You put your weapon away.

"That's the other thing. I am not sure, if I should be telling you this, but, I am so hungry, and .. and I have been very unlucky tonight, you see."

"Did Karlach not leave you any food? Or were you so distracted, talking to Sha- other people, that you forgot to eat?"

"I, I need blood to survive."

Silence followed. Deafening silence. He looked down. As if he was ashamed. Then looked up at your with pleading yes.

Your eyes widened in disbelief. Incredulous, you couldn't believe you had missed the signs that were there all along. Everything pointed to him being a Vampire. So that boar..... But now what? There is a Vampire in your midst! OMG. Had you just put your entire party in danger?! You and your stupid trusting heart. What now? Should you kill him?

"I never, please believe me, I never hurt people I know. Those who are my friends. But please, I am very hungry, I just need... a little bit.. it will help me fight better, and make me feel like myself, again".

He knelt down. On his knees... "If it isn't too much, I only need a little bit - or you are free to stake me".

You looked down at the sorry state he was in. This man who you were yearning for, on his knees, pleading you. He was pleading for your blood. That was the only problem. You didn't want him to, but wanted him to not be in such a state either. You wanted to help him. There went your stupid kind heart again. You never learn.

"Will it hurt?"

Astarion looked up - incredulous that you even entertained the idea. "What? Oh! No, only a little prick. And I can be extra careful too -"

"Does it have to be the neck? Because I don't want-" "And you don't have to - if you don't want to" He had stood up. He lifted your right hand, and lifted it to his lips - placing a light kiss. "I am more than happy, with your hand. May I?" He looked up. A darkness in his eyes. Hunger? Greed? Deception? Maybe all of it. You nod slightly.

He caressed your hand with both of his, dragging his lips over your wrist sending sparks through your body. This felt so wrong, yet your body liked his touch. You could smell his hair, bergamot. He was taller than you. Lit up in the moon, this man was gorgeous. And dangerous, as he was just about to prove himself to be. You looked away as he bared his fangs. You hated anything piecing your skin. Hoping you don't feel a lot, you closed your eyes, and you did not. It was barely a prick like he promised. You were grateful.

After a while, you decided this was more than enough of a favor. You tried withdrawing your hand. He got the hint. He let your hand go and stepped back, and looked at your with a grateful smile. "Would you like me to...escort you back, to camp?"

Should you let him? Weren't you running away from how he was making you feel. Wouldn't Shadowheart notice? What would she think? But, how could you refuse him. After all, you may never get another chance...to walk with him. Through the woods. Just the two of you. Even as friends. Or strangers. You grasped at what you could get.

You two walked back in silence. Him next to you. Every now and again you would look at him. He seemed lost in thought, smiling. You figured he must be thinking of her. Your heart sank, and the gratitude you were feeling at being able to walk next to him, quickly dissipated to pangs of sharp pain again. What started as a romantic moonlit walk quickly turned into an unbearable awkwardness for you, and you wished you were back already. So you quickened your pace.

Very soon, you could see the warm glow of the fire. What a relief. You just need a hug. From Karlach. Or Halsin. And you could forget about the unceremonious way you let your heart pine for a man out of your reach. And upon reaching camp - you did just that. You forsook Astarion immediately and without another glance at him, ran to Karlach and buried your face in her, lest you start crying again. You didn't care what he did, whether he went back to Shadowheart, you did not want to witness that.

Afterwards when the whole camp had quietened down. You hung around with Karlach, Gale and Wyll. You assumed, Shadowheart was in Astarion's tent. And you dare not look that way. You asked those lingering - what their reason to live was. Did everyone have something to live for? What would they do, after all this was over?

An interesting discussion followed. You felt you got to know your comrades a bit better. It made you feel warm. The cold that was left due to the lack on one was filled by the warmth of many, and you smiled. You liked it. And you liked your new found friends.

Later that night, you lay in your tent, and tried to drive away all the thoughts about how no one would miss you. If you were not there, or how you were not as interesting as some of the others. And as you fought hard, with yourself, you realized, that there must be others like you out there who needed someone to know them, to look at them, and value them. And you realized you had a purpose. You could be needed. You could carve out a meaning for your existence in this crazy world. You wanted to be there for those that needed you. You will be the hero. And that would be the reason to exist, you would love yourself, so you can love those who needed to be loved.

And with that comforting thought you drifted away.

Part II : Lace your heart with mine Let your sleeping soul take flight

[wildernessuntothemselves]

You Are My Queen Now | Part 12

Word Count: 14k

Genre: Smut, angst, fluff

Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.

Warnings: fingering, cunnilingus, overstimulation, missionary degradation, sub!gyu, dom!gyu, sub!oc, dom!oc, breeding kink, inaccurate portrayal of an old wedding, oc has a mini panic attack, knife and blood play, self harm and harming others, mentions of past rape, slapping, smothering gyu with your pussy lmao, pregnancy, extremely unhealthy relationship dynamics, manipulative characters, mentions of and justifications of rape and blaming someone for their own rape.

It’s been about a month since Beomgyu officially declared war on Taehyun. 

Beomgyu doesn’t tell you much about the war but from what little he’s told you and what you’ve gathered, Taehyun’s wasn’t doing good. Even though he has gathered more allies now other than Ryujin’s father, like Lord Seojin who joined up with him after that disastrous meeting and Heejin’s family who turned against Beomgyu after she got kicked out of court, as well as their various associates, but the best they can do right now is merely hold their ground. 

Beomgyu doesn’t seem concerned about the war or the loss of some of his allies. Instead, he focuses on strengthening his relations with the existing members of his court and continually gaining the public’s support. 

“You’ve gotten slimmer again.” You comment as you move your brush over his skin, noting how his back lost much of the bulk it had when you first saw him again. “And your hair got longer." 

You’re having your painting session with just him today. Lately, he’s been so busy with meetings and the like and so he’s using this as an excuse to spend more time with you. He had volunteered to let you use his body as a canvas and now he was laying on his stomach over a large sheet as you paint his back with vivid red colors. 

He cranes his head back and grins. "You said you loved your lanky idiotic best friend."

That’s true, and he’s starting to look like him too. But will you ever be able to see him in that way again? You know your love for him will never go away–it hasn’t even waned a little bit after everything he’s done and you’re sure even if he were to kill you, your heart would pump the last of its blood with love for him. But will you ever look at him the same way again? Will you ever trust him? Will he ever be your knight in shining armor? Will he ever be the innocent warmth you seek against the coldness of the world? 

He has hurt you too much, too much. But the gods have turned their backs on you long ago and only the devil would embrace you. He beckons to you with open arms, a soft smile and the promise of the whole world in your hands. 

And how can you refuse his bastardized gift–your fallen angel–when you incited his revolt against the gods? You’re as doomed to the fires of hell as he is, you rotten sinner. 

As the bloody strokes of paint take shape, Beomgyu tries to get a peek at what you’re painting. "Are those wounds?"

“Yes.” You confirm monotonously. "Ripped wings."

“Am I a fallen angel?” He frowns at that, the negative connotations hanging in the air. 

“The devil.” 

Beomgyu pauses for a minute, perturbed by your words. You don’t know why he always acts so surprised by them, as if he just expects you to get over everything he’s done and forgive him already. 

"I am not going to get upset by your sharp words anymore. You chose me. That tells me all I need to know." He says, hurt apparent in his voice despite his words. "You pouting and sulking is not going to save him and you know that very well. So you might as well drop it and start enjoying yourself."

He shuts his eyes and rests his head on his arms again, trying to give off the impression of nonchalance, but the way the sun hits his face illuminates his thick eyebrows with a golden glow that highlights the way they are pulled together in a small frown, and hanging in that beam of sunlight are the little frustrated puff of air he lets out, like a sullen little puppy who has been chastised. 

He’s right, however. Sulking won’t save Taehyun. You know what you should do and you refuse to do it. You feel it with every dig of the dagger into your skin as you move–the dagger Beomgyu let you have back, not because you asked for it but so that it would act as a constant reminder of how your words mean nothing. 

Because if they did, Beomgyu’s back would be stained with real blood instead of paint. 

______________________________________

You chew on your nails as you anxiously await the results of Wonyoung’s test. Your menses has been late for over a week now, when it has always been a punctual visitor every month. So what could be the cause of such uncharacteristic delay? Well, there was only one possibility at the forefront of all your minds. 

You tried to maintain denial at first. You did not even mention anything to Beomgyu about it, hoping your fears would be proven wrong with time. But it was no use. He knew your schedule better than you did and he was on you after only a day of absence. 

Of course, he had turned to Wonyoung then, excitedly asking her if this meant that you could be pregnant, but she had prudently advised him to wait a few days to see if it was just tardy.

And so you did. Those few days were some of the longest of your life, the hours of the day  seeming to stretch on forever as you awaited your fate. But there was one thing that made it better–Beomgyu presence. In fact, during those few days he hardly ever left your side, choosing to relegate his duties to Wonyoung so you wouldn’t have to wait alone. 

It was heaven and hell, just like everything that is Beomgyu. That week cut in time just for the two of you was utterly joyful, and you cherished the chance to spend entire days and nights with the love of your life, wrapped away in each other’s presence. But the circumstances of that week never escaped your consciousness–the possibility that you could be pregnant a looming cloud over your sunny paradise. 

And now is the moment of truth. 

“What is it, Wony?” Beomgyu asks, jumping out of his seat as Wonyoung gets back into the room.

Her unreadable expression was like an icy grip on your heart, and her revelation squeezes it into a tenderized pulp. “She’s pregnant.” 

Beomgyu lets out a shout of joy and takes you into his arms, twirling you around before Wonyoung promptly stops him. “What are you doing, idiot? You’ll hurt the baby!”

He jerks to a halt, apologizing profusely and jumbling his words. “I’m so sorry–I didn’t realize–I’m just so…” He trails off and looks at you with teary eyes. “I’m so happy. We’re going to have a family!”  

You get teary-eyed too, but for a different reason, and just nod, not trusting yourself to speak. But Beomgyu still notices your gloomy mood right away. “What’s wrong, baby?”

You didn’t want to say anything. It was no use. Beomgyu will do whatever he wants anyway, but you just can’t help it. You burst out crying, “My child is going to be a bastard!” 

“Oh, darling.” Beomgyu coos, cradling your head and pressing it to his chest. “Wony, leave us alone, please.” 

You sob into his chest as you hear Wonyoung walk to the door and get out before shutting it behind her. Then Beomgyu pulls your head back to brush your tears away and gives you a big smile. “Our child will never be a bastard. I promised you that, didn’t I?” 

“But–” You’re cut off as he gets onto his knees. “Marry me, baby. Be my queen.” 

You can hardly take in enough breath to form your next words. “How? People will know we lied.” 

Beomgyu smiles knowingly and kisses the backs of your hands. “Who will? The public? I can easily sell them a made up story about us finding comfort in each other after the betrayal of our spouses, and even if they don’t buy it, what are they going to do? I feed and protect them. You think they’d choose a warlord and a foreign king over me? And the nobles–most of them know the truth and don’t care. They only care about maintaining their power and riches and that idiot jeopardizes that.”  

“You have it all figured out, don’t you?” You ask bitterly, your tears drying up. Beomgyu has everything planned out, even this. From you testifying in the trial, to securing the letters, to impregnating you. He is always two steps ahead of you. 

“Does it matter?” His hands squeeze yours tightly. "Don't you want to finally be my wife? To be recognized in front of everyone? Don’t you want your child not to be a bastard?"

Once again, Beomgyu comes out on top. It's so disheartening to see how someone like him can so easily twist the narrative in his favor and squash the side of the truth under his iron boot.

If you had stayed with Taehyun or spoken out against Beomgyu, would it have made any difference or would he have silenced you too? Would he have called you crazy? Locked you up? He certainly wouldn't have been able to marry you. Would that have been a punishment for him or for you?

It's no use speculating on what would’ve happened. You can't change your mind again, every time you do something disastrous happens. You have a child now. You have to protect them. 

I'm so sorry, Taehyun.

“Okay.” You give in, trying to hold your tears in but they burst forward in a loud sob. “I will marry you.” 

But Beomgyu doesn’t dwell on your obvious turmoil, and through your tears, his wide smile looks distorted and monstrous. “This is just the beginning, my love. Soon, we’ll have everything we ever wanted.”

He pulls out the ring that he once offered you on that fateful night at the beach and puts it on you. This time, there was no escaping–your once hero soon to be struck down. 

_____________________________________

Back at your chambers, Beomgyu can’t keep his hands off you. He’d gotten so excited about the news of your pregnancy that he had to retire the both of you back to your chambers so he can have his way with you. 

“Look at you, baby.” Beomgyu murmurs, prompting you to stare at yourself in the mirror that he has you positioned in front of, bare and exposed in his arms. “You’re ethereal, exquisite. You were made for this, weren’t you?”

What is this? Being toyed with? Owned? Used? 

He spreads your pussy apart with his slim fingers–the treacherous thing puffy and wet for the taking, having surrendered itself to Beomgyu long ago. 

“You’re going to be even prettier all swollen up with our baby.” 

He rubs the pads of his fingers over your clit gently, getting you as worked up as he is and making you watch your hole pathetically clench around nothing. 

“You’re so wet.” His hand slides down to scoop some of your slick on his fingers, and in doing so making you jump as his fingers brush over your hole. 

“Oh? You want my fingers, baby?" He coos, hand sliding down again so the tip of his middle finger slips in and you squeak. You’re so fucking sensitive. You feel him chuckle against your back. “Hmm, you like that, don’t you? I already got you pregnant but you’re still so needy to get filled, huh?”

He sucks in a sharp breath as he eases a finger inside you. “So tight.” He groans, stuffing another one inside, making you gasp as you grab onto his arm. You can feel his hard cock poking against your back as pumps his fingers slowly in and out of you. “Am I not fucking you enough, pretty?”

He’s really not. Yes, he fucks you way more than Taehyun ever did, but he’s still somewhat mindful of how upset you are at him and while he’s not shy about taking you, you suspect he still holds back quite a bit. 

Despite your lack of response, Beomgyu reads your reaction clearly enough. “I’m sorry, baby. We’re going to have to remedy that, won’t we?” He purrs darkly, slamming his fingers into you, the palm of his hand smacking against your clit as he repeats that actions again and again. “Just have to loosen that tight pussy up a bit.” 

“Beomgyu…” You whine, clinging onto his arm as your legs automatically try to close against the sudden onslaught. 

“No.” He growls, using his other hand to shove your legs apart. "Keep your legs spread. Want to see your needy pussy swallowing up my fingers."

You whimper, your leg muscles tensing up as your arch onto your toes and give in to his rough ministrations. 

“Yeah, that’s it. Love it when you act like such a whore for me.” You can hear his own need in his voice, and you know he won’t be able to hold back much longer. “Come on, show me how much you need it. Spread your legs wider and put your feet in the air." 

"You're such a pervert." You gasp out even as you do as he says, letting him feast his hungry eyes on your lewd display. 

“Fuck—” He can only manage a few more pumps of his fingers before he rips them away and yanks the both of you up to your feet. 

Beomgyu carries you to the bed and lays on your back at the center where you immediately spread your legs and pull them up next to your body the way you know he likes. He hurriedly takes off his clothes before climbing onto the bed with you, but then he pauses, taking a moment to loom over you with his dick in his hand as his eyes rake up and down your body. 

“Fucking perfect.” He gives his cock a couple of jerks while his other hand finds your pussy and stuffs it with his fingers once again. “Can’t believe I get to have you like this. I’ve waited so long just to have my princess warm up my bed like this every night, all spread out on her back and waiting for me to fuck her full.” 

“Then what are you waiting for?” You mewl impatiently. You hate it when he makes you wait. It exposes you for the hypocrite you are. “Just fuck me already.” 

He bites his lip, a cheeky grin etching itself onto his face. “Oh, I will, but why don’t you whine a little more for me first?” 

Like hell you will. He’s been acting like a little shit for too long now, as if he won’t cry if you close your legs and decide to leave him high and dry. 

“No. Why don’t you be a good boy instead and fuck me before I get bored and just get myself off?” You raise up on your forearms to lend more credence to your threat, and Beomgyu doesn’t care to call your bluff, not when he’s so worked up because of the pregnancy.

“No!” He yelps, and you almost get whiplash from how fast he replaces his fingers with his cock, gasping out a little whine as he slides himself into you. “You’re so mean.” 

“Me? You’re the one who is teasing your pregnant fiance when you should be keeping me fucked and happy like you promised. Or were those just empty words?” You rile him up even more, knowing it will make him lose control and it does. 

“No. I can. I can.” He insists, his hips smacking into yours. Beomgyu hates when you imply that there is something he can’t give you, partly because of his fervent need to prove himself to you and partly because he’s so afraid you’ll look for it someplace else. Your escape really fucked him up more than he already is, and so you’re quick take back your voiced doubts or he’ll go off the rails. 

“Yeah, that’s a good boy. Show me how well you can fuck me.” You clutch onto the sheets below, holding onto them as your body jostles with every vigorous thrust of his hips against your. 

God, he’s so fucked in the head but it’s hard to think about that when his cock is filling you up just right and he’s fucking you this good. And the bastard knows it too. 

“You sound so good.” He groans happily, "Come on, whine louder for me, my needy girl."

You give him what he wants. “So good, puppy. Fucking me so good.” 

“Yeah, is this what you wanted?” Even though his question might sound domineering, you can easily detect the neediness and desperation for validation he always wants from you. 

“Uh-huh.” He barely lets you affirm before his lips are on yours, tongue greedily pushing into your mouth as he kisses you frantically. It’s so good, too good, and at times like this when the heat of it all sears your brain, you can’t think about how wrong it is to allow him these moments, to give into him so easily and willingly. 

You feel his hand rest on your belly, his fingers splaying to cover as much of it as he can, and he pulls back to murmur heatedly, “Once this baby is out, I’m going to knock you up again and again. Never going to let a night pass by when you’re not filled to the brim with me.”

“Beomgyu–”

“You want it, my queen?” He whimpers, his hips stuttering but he still drives his cock into you harshly, making you struggle to keep your eyes trained on his drunken expression. “Want my cum in that tight pussy?”

“Yes. Give it to me, puppy. I need it.” You moan, pushing him to the edge. 

His hand quickly moves down to your pussy, thumb flicking your clit earnestly to help you over the edge with him, and you scream at the sudden spike in pleasure, your pussy clamping down on his cock as it spurts inside of you. 

“I love you. I love you.” He whimpers, only able to grind against you now as your pussy milks him dry, the little movement still too much on your poor pussy and your body jolts with little spikes of overstimulation each time he moves. 

With a final jerk of his hips, he’s drained. He rests his forehead against yours and presses a soft kiss to your parched lips. “We’re going to have such a big, happy family, my queen.” 

You’re so fucked out that you can do nothing but hum as he lays down next to you and takes you in his arms, the heat of his body combining with the heat in the air to keep your poor brain feverish and blissful. 

And he keeps it that way too–with his cock firmly stuffed inside of you throughout the night. You awaken every few hours by the thrusts of his hips to find yourself in different positions on the bed–once on your side with one of your legs nudged up to allow him easy access to your pussy, once plopped onto your stomach as he takes you from behind, once with your body splayed on top of him as he pushes his cock up into your pussy… every time you would whine and he would shush you, telling you to just go back to sleep and let him do all the work. 

And so you do, happy to just lie there pliantly while he brings the both of you mind-searing pleasure that chases all your pesky worries away.

________________________________

“I have something to show you, baby.” Beomgyu tells you one morning, leading you to the room adjacent to yours. 

You have no idea why he’s taking you there. As far as you know, that room wasn’t of any particular note. But you find out as soon as you step inside, choking back your emotions as you realize why exactly he was showing it to you. 

The walls of the previously nondescript room were now painted in baby blues and soft yellows–an intricate but complimenting mix of you and Beomgyu’s favorite colors–the room decorated with masterfully sculpted furniture and filled with all kinds of toys and trinkets. There was a large bed to the side for resting and even a bookcase filled to the brim with what you just know are mounds of fairytales from all over the world. But the centerpiece of the room was the small crib colored with those same soothing blues and yellows and framed by a large white drape with a statue of an angel sitting on top of it. 

It’s a nursery. He has transformed the room into a nursery for your child, and it's fucking perfect. It’s everything you couldn’t have even dared to wish for as a kid and the fact that a child of yours–you, the lowly born lady everyone regards as Beomgyu’s whore–will have this room to call their own brings tears to your eyes. 

“Do you like it, my queen?” Beomgyu asks, but the grin on his face tells you that he already knows the answer. Of course, he does. He knows you so well, that’s how he knew to make this without you even asking.

God, how can he be so demented, yet so utterly perfect?

You throw your arms around him, pulling him into a heated embrace. “It’s perfect.” 

“Our children are not going to want for anything, you know that, right?” He promises you and you nod, kissing him. And you wish he would’ve left it there, let you enjoy this beautiful moment without reminding you of the horrors he built it with. 

“But this is just the material aspect of it. We have to be there for them too. Will you be there for them?” He asks somberly, demanding that you pledge yourself to him, that you won’t choose anyone else again.

“Yes.” You answer in a small voice. 

“I want to build a good life for them, my love, keep them safe from those who would wish to harm them. Which is why I must get rid of the complications you created. You understand that, right?” 

You hold your tears back, pressing your lips into a thin line so you wouldn’t sob, and nod. “Yes.” You pull your arms off him but he holds onto them. 

He wraps your arms around him again, and kisses your taut lips. “We’re going to be so happy.”

Happy. Is that what you look like to him? Why couldn’t he have just let you enjoy this moment? Why can’t he let you live in blissful oblivion for just a few more seconds? 

But he wants you to choose, and now you have to–choose between the love of your and the child he gave you, and the man who dared to stand up to him and show you another way. 

The answer is shamefully clear to you. You wish it was harder. You wish you would’ve struggled more with it, but you didn’t. You choose Beomgyu and the baby. You can’t let your child live the same wretched life you did. You’ll do anything you can to protect them and love them and spare them from this horrible world, and if it means playing along with the delusions Beomgyu is selling you, then so be it.  

You will try to be happy, for your children. You will raise them to be kinder, gentler, and hope they grow up to be the kind of people who will despise the likes of you.  

___________________

“How is the pregnancy going? Is the sickness too much to handle? Are you taking the herbs I’ve gave you?” Wonyoung asks you when you meet up with her for tea and a chat, referring to the bouts of vomiting you’ve been going through lately. 

“Some days it’s better, some days it’s worse.” You tell her, shrugging. “But your brother is always right next to me and he makes sure I’m drinking all the herbs and eating well.” 

She smiles in relief. “That’s good. We want this baby to be healthy and happy.” 

“We?” You ask, taken aback. “You want me to have this baby?”

When Wonyoung had told you that she wanted to talk to you alone about the baby, you had internally freaked out. You hadn’t really talked to her about it ever since she revealed the pregnancy to you and you worried about what she’d have to say. 

You’d gotten so much pushback from Kai when you married Taehyun despite his initial welcoming, and it was one of the most painful things you’ve ever gone through–to finally feel like you were accepted and wanted and protected, only to have it all ripped away from you when the actual family member is in jeopardy. 

You weren’t stupid. You knew Wonyoung's priority has to be her brother’s safety and wellbeing, and you being pregnant with his child threatens that. You know that. You expected it, and you told yourself that you can take whatever abuse she has to hurl at you, that this child was Beomgyu’s way of trapping you anyway so her opinion doesn’t matter. It’s not like you wanted it in the first place…

But then why the hell is your heart almost beating out of your chest? Why are you so scared of what she has to say? Why does Wonyoung’s acceptance or lack thereof matter so much to you? 

You know. It’s because you actually want this child. You want to be Beomgyu’s wife. You want to be accepted as part of his family, to not be treated as second class. You yearn to belong, and whether by good nature or by design, Beomgyu’s family gave you that and you’re so scared of having it ripped away from you again. That’s why his plan is so effective. He knows well just how much of a hypocrite you are. 

Stop pretending to care about them.

Wonyoung frowns. “Why, of course. Why wouldn’t I? It’s what you and Beomgyu want, isn’t it?”

“Yes but…” You trail off hesitantly. “Don’t you think it’s too risky? That people may catch on?”

Despite Beomgyu earlier reassurances, you still worry that the news of the pregnancy and the intended marriage will hurt him. That’s another proof of your hypocrisy. You can’t stand the idea of him getting hurt. 

“Oh sweetling, is that something you’ve been worrying yourself with?” She coos, taking you in her arms like her brother so frequently does and you nod shamefully. “It doesn’t matter what they think. You are having this baby and we will protect you. You’re part of our family, as is this child, and we will not let any harm come to either one of you. You’re one of us now, sweetling."

Maybe she’s telling you what you want to hear just like her brother does, but you can’t help feeling emotional. They want you. They want this baby, and they’re not going to leave you behind.   

“Wait,” You sniffle, confused. “If you didn’t call me here to tell me not to have the baby then what did you want to tell me?” 

She takes her hands off you and straightens herself up. “Okay so this is not an exact science and it’s not always correct,” She starts, looking a bit unsure of herself which is a first from the usually confident princess. “But I have done a further test on the urine sample you’ve given me and I may have an inkling of what the sex of your baby is going to be.” 

You gasp, straightening up too, and waiting for her to continue with bated breath. You don’t know if she pauses for a while or if your world just freezes around you, but eventually she speaks up. 

“It’s a baby boy.” She tells you at long last, and you gasp, but she puts her hand up to halt your reaction. “I haven’t told Beomgyu because it might not turn out to be true and I don’t want you to feel pressured about it but I thought you’d like to know.”

“I-I… Thank you, Wonnie.” You gush tearfully, overcome with emotion, and she takes you into her arms, embracing you heatedly. 

You did it. You’re going to give Beomgyu an heir. Your dreams really are coming true. 

_____________________________

Unlike Beomgyu’s family, the rest of the royal court isn’t as enthusiastic about your marriage news, with some even daring to voice their opinions about how it might weaken Beomgyu’s position in the war. But Beomgyu stands strong and firm, informing them that the wedding will take place, and that if they want to try their luck joining up with Taehyun, they’re more than welcome to. That shut them up fast. Of course it helped that he could afford to splurge to buy their silence, but he was also clear that if anyone even thought about standing in his way, there would be hell to pay. 

So with the entire royal family united, and the court more or less supportive, the wedding is announced to the public, and Beomgyu makes sure to spin a pretty picture about how all this came to be for his people.

“I know this might come as a shock to some of you, and to some it may even seem like proof of what the traitors have been saying, but I ask you to hear me out before you cast your judgements.” He beseeches his people, once again playing the innocent role to perfection. "In these turbulent times, in which both me and her have gone through one of the worst pains one can imagine - being brutally betrayed by those we loved so dearly - we came to find solace in each other, and by keeping each other's heart close we found the strength to live. That's when I realized how precious it is to have had her loyal heart my whole life. First as a friend, then family, then as a victim of circumstance I so desperately had to save... and now, surprisingly, I realize she saved me as well. I now find in her a love I thought only existed in books. I find in her the only one that could truly understand my heart, that has always been by my side, that has always seen me for who I am and that I now know will be in my heart forever.” 

“I know that this announcement might seem sudden, maybe even too soon, to some of you. But it took me my whole life to realize that happiness has always been right beside me... I could not waste another day not letting her know how much she means to me. They may have been lying when they accused us of those vile betrayals, but the gods saw fit to make truth out of those lies, to bring forth love from the hate they spewed. And If we are to die at their hands, then at least we’ll die in each other’s arms.”

Beomgyu’s impassioned and romantic speech tugs on the heartstrings of those present, and they once again believe all the pretty lies he sells them. Can you blame them when he doesn’t even need to lie to you to get you to do what he wants anymore? 

Taehyun never stood a chance. People like Beomgyu will always come on top. 

_____________________________

Though the response to the wedding news has been mostly positive, it wasn’t entirely so, and Beomgyu does lose some of the public’s support because of it. It even put some of the nobles who supported him before on the fence. 

But it didn’t matter to Beomgyu, he was still on top and he was sure that he would win back all the people he lost when they saw that they wouldn’t be risking anything by continuing to support him. 

Most importantly however, he gets to marry you, and that’s what he really cares about. And so the wedding commences. 

It’s an extravagant and public event–probably not the wisest decision in the middle of a war, especially following Ryujin’s death and the accusations she and Taehyun have been hurling at Beomgyu and you, but Beomgyu didn’t want you to think for even one second that you’re less than Ryujin in any way and so he had to top his previous wedding in every aspect. He wasn’t going to settle for a small, private affair. The wedding had to be grand, spectacular–a visual representation of his overflowing love for you. 

Yes, it might’ve not looked good, but it felt good for everyone involved–the nobility who got extra benefits for standing by him, the common people who received a huge feast and precious little trinkets to keep and got to see their king walk amongst them, but most importantly you who got to finally belong to the love of your life in front of the whole world. 

That’s another proof of your hypocrisy. You adore every stupid, reckless detail of it all–his elaborate display of love and devotion for you. You eat it all up. 

The wedding was sunflower themed of course, just for you. Everything from the decorations to your veil to the huge gold necklace Beomgyu wears were either real sunflowers or embroidery and jewelry made to mimic sunflowers and the sun with rays coming out of it. Even your dress, which was the most magnificent piece of art you've ever seen, was embroidered throughout with sunflowers of all sizes. It all looked so gorgeous, the flair of yellow scattered throughout casting a radiant and hopeful glow on everything it touches. 

Still, you have the decency to feel shame and guilt about how much you’re enjoying this, the unwelcome feelings transforming the beautiful carriage you’re riding in on your way to the temple into a cage where you’re trapped with your self-deprecating thoughts. They gnaw at your feet and compel you with an overwhelming, irrational urge to burst open the door and run away from it all. But you know it’s futile, for there is a much bigger prison outside made up of the countless citizens flanking the road to watch the royal carriage pass by. You see them waving at you through the window, visitors coming to witness the curious caged bird their king has acquired.  

You can’t breathe. You can’t breathe. You can’t–

Suddenly, you jolt when you feel a hand on your thigh, and you look up wide-eyed at the queen next to you. “You’re shaking, child.” She observes kindly, and you blink. 

“Oh, I suppose I am.” You stare at your legs as you will them to stop jerking. Curious. You’ve never been known to do that anymore. It must’ve been a habit that you picked up from Taehyun…

No. Don’t think about him. Don’t let yourself go down that road. You’re doing this for your child. It’s over. 

You hear a sigh coming from the queen and your eyes snap back to look at her in shame. “I’m.. I’m trying.” You don’t know why you’re explaining yourself to her but you just can’t handle being a disappointment to one more person. You need support. You need acceptance. You can’t keep fighting anymore. 

But the royals know that all too well. They’re masters at reading people and giving them what they want. “It’s okay, child. It will all be okay. We’re all here for you. We’ll be with you every step of the way.” 

Yes, just like a warden guards their prisoner, the owner must keep their prized pet safe. But the door was open once… you were free once, and you still came back. So how can you protest now when they’re cutting your flight feathers away? 

So you swallow your useless feelings and let them guide you where they want you. You let her take you by the hand as you arrive at your destination and lead you out the carriage and up the vast steps of the sacred temple. 

She stops at the landing and turns the both of you around to face the crowd gathered beneath. “Wave to your subjects, dear. They’ve come to celebrate this day with you.” 

You raise your hand shakily, and the noise from the crowd surges in response to the small action, shouts of “My queen!” “You look beautiful!” “Gods bless you!” reaching your ear but not making it to your brain. 

You can’t process their words, can’t make out their meaning. You feel as if you’re a stranger in your own body, as if you’re watching through the eyes of someone else. 

Ryujin. That’s what she saw on her wedding day. This exact scene, and look where she is now, rotting in the ground.

“Can we go inside now?” You whisper urgently to the queen and she regards you for a second, no doubt taking in your frazzled state, before she nods and turns you around, walking you towards the grand door and giving your back to the chorus of disappointed shouts of “Stay!” “Look at me, my queen!” “Why are you leaving so soon?” and “The other one was nicer.”

That last one almost knocks you to the ground. They’re not done with the spectacle yet. Funny how in all your years imagining this very moment, you never knew that you’d be nothing more than a spectacle for these people. None of them really care. They’re just here for the show. 

You feel your knees buckling and your chest tightening but the queen never lets her grip on you wane, dragging you behind her firmly. You absolutely cannot collapse right now. You’re not allowed to. 

Wonyoung greets you at the doors, and her warm smile as she extends the lovely sunflower bouquet to you helps ground you for a second. 

“You got this, sweetling.” She murmurs in your ear when she bends down to kiss you. Your only answer to her is a shaky intake of breath as you walk through the threshold. 

As soon as you do, a line of dancers on each side of you start moving to the music that begins playing, elegantly leading the way down the aisle and towards Beomgyu in the distance. You can’t see him well from all the way over here, and you lean on the queen and try to focus on the delicate moves of the dancers as you move forward, little bursts of sun glimmering in your vision from your decorated veil, the light scattering further when refracted by the tears in your eyes–tears of happiness, tears of melancholy, they all mix together until you can’t distinguish between the two. 

You start to swoon as the queen leads you up the marble stairs and to the platform Beomgyu is standing on. Traditionally, your father would be the one giving you away, but Beomgyu didn’t want to put you through that. He didn’t want you to have to face your family on the day that is supposed to be the most joyful of your life, and so he spread word that your mother was sick and your father had to stay behind to attend to her, but that they both begged you to go along with the wedding and not postpone it. That way you’d all come across as wonderful, selfless people, just the image Beomgyu liked to sell. 

Beomgyu doesn’t wait until you’re all the way up the stairs. Instead, he meets you halfway, taking you from his mother and leading you the rest of the way to the chorus of ohhs and ahhs at the eagerness of the love-struck king. 

You are so close to fainting now, and as Beomgyu starts to lift your veil, your hands almost shoot out to stop him. 

But with the dazzling yellow reflections out of your sight and Beomgyu’s radiant face coming into view, your world goes back into sharp focus. Standing in front of you isn’t a strange man who doesn’t know his own heart, let alone how to let you into it. It’s Beomgyu, the only person as sure of his love as you are, adorned in his white and golden attire and holding everything you’ve ever wanted in his being, looking at you like you hold his own world in your hands. Nothing else matters. 

There is no hesitation from either of you as you relay your vows out loud, a sense of giddiness and almost urgency coloring the fanciful promises that pale in comparison to what you’ve already proven you’d do for eachother. You don’t take your eyes off one another for even a second, and as soon as the priest announces you husband and wife, you’re swept up in a kiss that you couldn’t tell which one of you initiated. 

The following celebration is held almost entirely outside as you share your joy with the whole city–Beomgyu seemingly intent on making up for all the times he had to hide you by proudly parading you around in front of everyone. 

You have your first dance in the spacious courtyard of the grand temple. The orchestra playing is large, as was required in order to allow the music to be carried out in the open area. It also had the added bonus of involving not only the royal's musicians but some of the more talented musicians from the common folk. Such involvement of the people in the wedding preparation and ceremony allowed the public to feel personally involved and attached to it, therefore strengthening their loyalty. It also led to some of them being paid handsomely for their contribution and further cemented Beomgyu's reputation as the kind and generous king. 

It’s an incredibly emotional moment for you. You don’t want to cry yet again but you can’t help yourself–standing here in the middle of the grandiose courtyard as not just the people present, but the heavens themselves look down on the first act of your long estranged souls claiming each other again. 

It somehow felt sacrilegious, and perhaps it is. 

After all, Beomgyu committed some rather grave sins in order to make your union possible. Maybe you should be hiding. Maybe you shouldn’t be parading around like this right under the noses of the scorned gods. But it still means so much to you that he’s doing all of this for you–the devil’s revolt for the sake of love–and you honestly can’t tell if the cold surge of nerves that freezes your lungs is because of the fear that you’re partaking in this horrible sin or because of the exhilaration of finally getting what you’ve always wished for.  

You try not to think about it much, pressing closer to Beomgyu to ward off the coldness as you let him guide you, starting from the movement of your feet up to the swelling of your chest as you take in your breaths. You follow his lead–taking one breath in and then out, just like he’s doing, and that’s when you discover how feverish he is too, his breathing shallow and rapid as he peers at you, cheeks flushed and irises barely visible. You wonder if he too can’t see the faces of those around you, if whatever mangled mixture of fear and ecstasy is only letting him focus on the person in front of him and nobody and nothing else in the universe. 

“You look… ethereal.” He confirms your suspicions, speaking with the little air he manages to breathe in. “The most beautiful creature the gods have ever created. And I can’t believe I finally get to call you mine.” 

He’s saying that to you? The man so beautiful you’ve doomed your everlasting soul to hell just to stay with him? 

But you don’t say anything. There is no need. You’re here, aren’t you? That’s all that needs to be said really. So you rest your cheek against his chest and let the beat of his heart overpower your weaker rhythm. 

The position greatly hampers the dance but Beomgyu refuses to separate you from himself to execute the moves and you refuse to let go of him. You don’t care. Let the dancers entertain the crowd. You need this more than them. 

After the first dance, the cake is served, and it is huge, superfluously so. It also required a ton of workers to make–just like the orchestra and the extravagant decorations adorning the city. It was made in the shape of the palace and you’re struck by how skillfully it was made and how similar it really looks to the palace. 

You’re given the first bite, another hidden affirmation by Beomgyu that he and all his wealth now belong to you. But the cake is so big, almost everyone gets to have a taste, even including a sizable portion of the common folk gathered around. 

The rest of the celebration is held outside of the temple walls and in the heart of the city itself that bears witness to the odd mingling of the nobles and the common folk in a strange dance that is the first of its kind. Both factions treat each other like strange zoo animals, with fascination yet guardedness, and maybe that’s for the best because it prevents any major instances from happening and disrupting the celebration. 

Of course, there are a multitude of guards keeping the peace, and especially protecting you and the royal family, but this kind of interaction is still unprecedented. But that’s to be expected from “the people’s king”. 

The city is abuzz with excitement, and even as the evening descends, the moon casts a soft, soothing shade of yellow on everyone present.

Aside from the celestial decorations and delicious snacks and drinks provided by the palace, there are dozens of booths manned by various common people to sell their wares to the crowd gathered, and you see the noble and rich flock to them to indulge in the odd street food here and there or buy overpriced trinkets to remind themselves of this strange day when they’re back safe and comfortable inside their gilded mansions. It’s a win-win for everyone involved. 

Beomgyu really made the best out of this possible faux pas. He turned the awkward wedding into a festival of sorts–a day where the rich and poor, the privileged and disadvantaged can come together and celebrate beside each other the union of the kind, generous king Beomgyu and his loyal damsel in distress. 

“Would you like something to eat, my queen?” One of the servants passing out food approaches you, and you try not to act too startled by someone other than Beomgyu calling you “queen”. 

You take a look at what he’s holding to see an assortment of strange looking sweets, most of which you’ve never seen before, but it’s no surprise. You know Beomgyu has enlisted the help of cooks and bakers from all over the world, asking them to make the delicacies of their people just for you, and this must be the result. 

“Oh, I don’t know what to pick.” You hesitate, stumped in front of the wide variety in front of you. 

“Here, try this, my love.” Beomgyu offers, picking up a reddish piece of confection and bringing it to your mouth. You open up, taking a bite out of it and humming in pleasure. Not just because of the food–which tasted delightful–but because for the first time, you don’t feel the need to shy away from his public displays of affection. You’re his wife now. You’re allowed to be together like this. It might even be seen as endearing to some, as you’ve been told. 

“Hmm, is that strawberry?” You ask, and he shrugs. 

“I don’t know.” He answers, bending down and kissing you, tasting the candy on your lips. He pulls back, licking his own lips cheekily. “Yes, strawberry.” 

“What was that for?” You laugh, incredulous at the sudden kiss. 

He shrugs once more, as careless as a little boy. “You asked me what the flavor was.” 

“You have the rest of it in your hand. You could’ve tasted that.” You chastise, no edge to your voice at all. 

“Yes, but it tastes much sweeter from your lips.” He grins, popping the rest of the thing in his mouth before pulling you into another kiss. “What do you think? Is it sweeter?” 

You hum in agreement, your hands finding themselves around his neck, without any input from your brain, and pulling him into yet another kiss that is broken abruptly when you hear a familiar tune reach your ear. 

You pull away and turn to the band who just started a new song, a song that you know all too well. You snap your head back to Beomgyu who is grinning at you. “No! It’s that ridiculous song you used to sing to me all the time!” Your outraged cackle is carried into the heavens by the light air. 

“It’s not a ridiculous song.” He protests, acting wounded. “It was the clumsy confession of a lovesick little prince that you so savagely crushed every time. Do you know how much it hurt that you not only didn’t notice what I was hinting at but that you would make fun of me every time I sang it to you?” 

“Oh, you poor puppy.” You pout mockingly. “Maybe if you sang it better, I would’ve received your inelegant confession a little more kindly.” 

He gasps, scandalized. “How dare you? Maybe you just can’t remember how good I sounded.” 

Beomgyu starts belting out the sappy love song along with the music, attracting the attention of the people around you. You squeak, embarrassed at his display, and you try to hide behind your hands and step away but Beomgyu is having none of it. He is relishing how flustered he’s gotten you. It’s been so long since he has last pulled something like this or even that you’ve been in the mood to receive it. It reminded you of your younger years and Beomgyu won’t let this golden opportunity pass him by. 

He drags you in front of him and dances around with you to the song, all while shouting out the lines and cackling every few words. This dance is much more fun and lively than your first one as you finally start letting go and enjoying yourself. 

And the difference in response from the crowd is palpable as they cheer you on. You and Beomgyu dance and laugh and dance and laugh. You haven’t gotten a sip of alcohol the whole day but you feel drunk. For the first time you allow yourself to forget everything that led up to this moment. For the first time, you are just a silly, lovesick girl getting married to the man she’s loved all her life. For the first time, you let yourself buy into the revelry of everyone around you, let yourself think they really are happy for you. 

But then you see him, the crack in your perfect illusion, the stone thrown at your glass house.

Before you stands the man you met the last time you headed down to the city before beomgyu's marriage. The man Beomgyu introduced you to as Ryujin, and the man who now must see through all the lies Beomgyu has weaved.  He doesn’t say anything to you but you can see the recognition and realization in his eyes.

Your house of deceit shatters around you, driving thousands of shards into your liar’s skin, the pain ripping you out of your selfish fantasy. 

Beomgyu quickly notices the change in your demeanor, and he follows your petrified gaze to see the man that’s effortlessly terrorizing your thoughts. He bends down to whisper in your ear. “Relax, my love, he’s not going to say anything. He’s not that stupid as to risk all I’ve given him. He’ll shut up and keep taking my money and my help.” 

And that’s what it really is. No one will ever stand up to Beomgyu. They all have families to tend to, lives to live, jobs to protect–no one will ever risk that for something as trivial as the truth. Who cares if Beomgyu is lying and Taehyun is in the right? They will still stand behind Beomgyu because that’s what will bring them more profit, more stability, more gain. They’re all liars. 

And that’s when you see it. They don’t actually accept you. They’re not happy for you. They just want what you have to give. They smile at you the same way they smiled for Ryujin, and they would tear you apart the same way they did to her if it meant they had something to gain from it.

A second look at the crowd gathered around you transforms their kind smiles into duplicitous smirks, their happiness for you into greed for what they could take from you, their good wishes into poisonous intentions. 

You feel sick. You don’t want to dance anymore. You don’t even want to be here anymore. Every eye that lands on you feels like tongues of flames, every hand a potential strangler, every soul a demon waiting for your downfall.

You can’t do this anymore. You want to go back to the palace, to be safe and away from the hell Beomgyu built around you to keep you in his clutches. 

“Baby, baby, breathe.” Beomgyu cries urgently, and you realize you’re hyperventilating. 

“I want to go home.”

“But the celebration isn’t over.” He tries to dissuade you but you shake your head urgently. “Please, take me home.” 

One look at the desperation in your eyes and he’s whisking you away from everything, tucking you under his wing and hastening back to the palace. 

______________________________________

Beomgyu tries to hold back. He tries to coax you into opening up and calming down, but you know he can’t help his excitement. This is the day he’s been waiting for for years.

“Baby, he will never speak a word of it to anyone.” He assures you, his lips following close behind his words, sealing the promise in. 

And you know he’s most likely right, but neither possibility makes you feel much better. On the one hand, he stays silent just like all the others and Beomgyu has his way. On the other hand, he speaks up, causing a small ruckus but ultimately no one believes him and once again Beomgyu has his way. 

That’s the way it is and always will be. 

“Let’s just focus on ourselves, okay, love?” He murmurs, slowly stripping you of your dress, his lips covering every inch the fabric leaves exposed until soon enough, he’s on his knees, kissing your stomach behind which your baby lies. “Let’s focus on our child.” 

You have to give it up to Beomgyu. He outsmarted you and everyone else at every turn, and here you are, standing there like an obedient little doll as he hikes one of your legs over his shoulder before burying his face in your cunt, moaning out loud at the taste of you. He takes his fill of you, his tongue insinuating itself between your lips as he laps up your arousal eagerly. He has you right where he wanted, and you begged him for it too–begged for his messed up love and attention, and now you have it, till death do you part. 

"You're finally mine. I can’t believe you’re finally mine.” He murmurs in awe as if he didn’t meticulously plan and scheme for this very moment, as if he hadn’t been dictating and manipulating your every move until you ended up here. 

You should be happy. Damn it, be happy, you bitch. You wanted this. You did this. You caused this war and you abandoned the one man who allowed you to be your own person. So be fucking happy, give in to the pleasure and decadence Beomgyu is offering you, give into his sweet, poisonous temptation that you allowed him to feed you and be done with it. Stop hanging on the fence. It’s not fooling anyone, not Taehyun, and certainly not Beomgyu. 

But you can’t. You can’t just let the luxurious celebration or the soothing moonlight or his soft touches and earnest eyes make you forget what he did to arrive at this moment–the pain, the lies, the betrayal… He didn’t just hurt Taehyun, or his father and brother… he hurt you too. It was on a night just like this–maybe as beautiful to Ryujin’s eyes–when he took you against your will in order to ruin you for other men. He didn’t listen to you as you begged and pleaded for him to stop. He didn’t care that he was breaking your heart. All he cared about was ensuring that you stayed by his side and he was perfectly willing to break you in order to achieve that. 

He forced himself into every aspect of your life–he forced himself on you, he forced himself into your marriage, how he's working so hard to erase any sign of the life you had without him. 

No, this isn’t perfect. This is messed up, just like the both of you. 

"My queen. You are the only thing I ever wanted and now you’re mine."

Have you ever not been his?

He gets to his feet, making you taste yourself on his tongue as he kisses you. Then he tries to nudge you towards the bed but you remain fixed to the ground where you stand, giving him pause.

“Come on, need you, baby.” He pouts, kissing you, but you won’t kiss back, which makes him grow frustrated. “Please, won’t you let me have you?” 

You can’t hold it in. You can’t lie to yourself anymore. This is not the dream you’ve always wanted, this is the ghoulish version of your wishes that the gods are taunting you with for being such a wretched sinner. 

"Now you're asking?” The illusion of the perfect night shatters on your sharp words. Your dream wasn’t for free. It was built on tears and blood, some of them your own. “You didn't ask when you forced yourself on me."

"Baby…" He's shocked by you bringing it up again on your wedding night. Did he expect it to just be brushed aside and not mentioned again? He probably did. He never really owned up to it, just blamed it on you, made excuses for why he did it, tried to make you forget it even happened. 

He must’ve counted on you being dazzled by the glamor of it all, on you being swept off your feet by his extravagant show of courtship that you’d forget about all his atrocities even if for one night. But you suppose even someone as smart as him can fall prey to wishful thinking.  

"What? You’re uncomfortable hearing what you did to me?" You mock cruelly and he winces. "I'm sorry." 

That makes you lose it and you slap him, unable to hold yourself back when faced with yet another lie spilling from his mouth. He holds his hand to his face in shock but doesn’t retaliate. 

"You're not sorry. You got what you wanted.” You sneer, anger bubbling up in your stomach and leaving a sour taste at the back of your throat. “But I want to hear you say it anyway. Show me how pretty you can lie.”

“Baby–” You slap him again, as hard as you can, and this time there are tears in his eyes as he looks back at you. “I’m sorry.” 

“On your knees.” You order him, and he obeys, slumping to his knees so hard the sound makes you cringe. But you refrain from showing him any mercy, drawing your hand back to slap him again, on both cheeks this time. 

He takes them in stride, quickly turning his face back to you following each one, apologies spilling from his tongue to attempt to assuage your wrath. 

But it’s not enough for you. “Say it more. Cry for me." You growl, hitting him again and again. 

"I'm so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m s-sorry."

You don’t know why you insist on hearing it when each time he says it, it fills you with more rage. Maybe it’s because you’re hoping to hear a genuine apology from him–hoping that one of his pathetic emulations of sorrow would sound close enough to the real thing to allow you to trick yourself into believing it. 

But your striking hand turns red and sore long before that fabled utterance leaves his mouth, and before his reddened cheeks and teary eyes beg you for a break.  

“Get up.” You scoff, dragging him up by his hair and throwing him on the bed, and he lets you throw his weight around without a fight. “Take your clothes off and lie down. Hands above your head.” 

You turn your back to him to go grab something that could be fashioned into restraints of some sort. You don’t have the luxury of having spare ropes lying around and maids paid and willing to restrain him the way he did to you, but you’ll make it work. 

You settle on a thin, long piece of cloth that you take with you back to the bed, only to find him still dressed. “What did I say?” 

Beomgyu flinches and starts taking his clothes off, mumbling, “Wanted you to look at me.” 

You scoff, glaring at him as he strips, but that’s good enough for Beomgyu. At least you’re paying attention to him. When he’s done, he lies down on the bed and you climb over him, tying his limp hands to the head of the bed and making sure he can’t get out of them. You are no expert in such things, and you may have put them on a little too tightly, but you don’t care. He deserves all the pain. 

“What are you going to do, my love?” He finally wagers to ask once you’re done. 

“What? Are you scared of what I am going to do to you?” You ask, and he shakes his head. “I know that whatever you do to me, I would’ve deserved it. But I also know that you love me and can’t be without me. So whatever you have in mind, do it. Take your revenge on me, hurt me, make me suffer, do whatever it takes to come back to me.” 

His words infuriate you more. How is it a punishment if he wants it? He can’t even give you that, can he? This is another means to an end for him, a way for him to get what he wants again. “You really don’t care, huh? As long as you get what you want, you’re willing to hurt yourself, hurt me, hurt anyone.” Your voice drips with spite. 

“It’s for the best.” He maintains and you rage, putting your hand over his mouth and nose, suffocating the words inside. “Shut. Up. Shut the fuck up.”

You keep your hand there for a while, smothering him, and yet he lies still, the only movements coming from him are the small jerks of his muscles as they try to jump into action to push you off before he prematurely aborts the action. He becomes so starved for air that the moment you release your hand, the breaths race to enter his body as he heaves them in, and yet you don’t hear a peep of protest from him. 

Whatever. You’ll find a way to make him hurt. You’ll find a way to have him begging for you to stop. If you’re going to let him win then you should at least make him suffer. Maybe then you wouldn’t feel as guilty for giving in.

“You want me, right? Did all of this just to get me?” You ask cryptically and he regards you warily as you climb up his body and position yourself over his face. “Then take your fill of me, baby.” 

You sit down on his face, smothering him before he gets the chance to regain his breath. You don’t know if Beomgyu doesn’t notice your intention or if he simply doesn’t care, because as soon as your pussy is on his mouth, he gets to work, kissing and licking at it as if he’s been waiting for you to do just that. 

Damn him to the seventh hell. 

You make sure to hold your sounds in as he all but devours you, his tongue sweeping along your slit, hungrily lapping up your juices that he so easily commands. Does holding back even make a difference when your body is always so honest with him? 

Yes, because Beomgyu is greedy. It’s not enough for him to have physical evidence of your desire and damning need for him, he also craves the spoken confessions, whether reluctant or enthusiastic he doesn’t care. He just wants you to say it. 

So you bite down on your lip until you taste blood, uncaring about how harshly you’re gripping his hair or how roughly you’re grinding yourself on his face. And Beomgyu takes it, eagerly mouthing at your pussy as his teary eyes peer up at you, pleading with you to say something. 

You hold in all the moans that struggle to get out when his lips wrap around your clit and suck, all the sighs that are trapped in your throat when he pushes his tongue inside you, all the “good boy”s that ache to burst out of you when he sticks his tongue out and lets you ride it. 

You only speak when the air in his lungs reaches a critical low and he finally starts choking under you. But you still don’t immediately get off him. 

"What's wrong? Want to breathe?" You taunt, and he whines into your pussy, arching his back and prompting you to glance backwards, your eyes landing on his leaking cock that is dripping onto his tummy. "You like this, you fucking pervert? Like choking on my pussy?"

He moans again, his body jerking under you from the lack of oxygen, and you finally rise up, letting him heave in some much needed breaths. Then the idiot uses that precious air to whine, “Tell me I’m making you feel good.” 

“What does it matter what I’m feeling when it has always been about you.” You hiss, reaching back and taking his cock in your hand, jerking it off slowly. “As long as you get your cock wet, nothing else matters.”

He shakes his head harshly. “No, that’s not true. You don’t even have to touch me. Just let me make you feel good.” He whines, sticking his tongue out for you to sit on again, perfectly fine with you suffocating him if it meant he’d continue to taste you. 

But you don’t. He’s not getting what he wants. Instead you grab his tongue between your thumb and index finger and pull on it. 

“Bastard.” You sneer, spitting in his mouth, but once again, that only makes him moan. 

“You’re fucking crazy, you know that?” You mutter, letting his tongue go and he pulls it back in his mouth and swallows, smiling. “I know. I wear it like a badge of honor. I never would have gotten you if I wasn’t a little crazy.” 

“Are you proud of what you’ve done?” You question in disbelief.

“Hurting you? No. Everything else, yes.” 

“As if you could separate the two. It all hurt me.” You shake your head. “You’re a monster.” 

“And yet you want me. You love me. What does that make you?” 

“Yes, I am a monster too.” You finally admit, and he smiles, smug. “Should I show you how much of a monster I can be? Perhaps I should celebrate this night how you celebrated your first wedding and get someone to take you against your will, make you feel what it’s like.” 

"I know what it's like." He grits. 

"Oh, please. You dare compare what she did to you to what you did to me?"

“It’s the same, you just won’t admit it. You’re only angry she took what’s yours. You don’t care about how I feel or how much it hurt me. You’re even blaming me for it.”  He growls, smirking bitterly when you don’t deny it. “It doesn’t matter anyway. You would never let anyone else touch me.”

“You’re right. You’re only mine. I can’t let anyone else have you.” You tell him absentmindedly, an idea popping into your brain, and you ignore how his smile gets wide, getting off him. 

“Where are you going?” He asks worriedly. The crazy bastard would rather get slapped and smothered than lose your attention. Well, you’ll give him all your fucking attention. 

You return to the bed, brandishing a new item as you straddle his legs. He frowns at the sight of the dagger you’re now holding, the metal of it gleaming in the candlelight. 

“What are you going to do with that?” He questions you, and you chuckle, trailing the sharp tip from his belly button all the way up to his neck. “Are you scared now?” 

“No.” He answers steadily, craning his head back to expose more of his neck for you. "Come on, kill me and save your precious murderer." He taunts carelessly, "You can't do it. You can't live without me."

“Oh, puppy, I know. And I know you know. You know me so well, as I know you.” You drawl, moving the knife slowly back down towards you. “And I know the one thing you’re scared of… losing me.” 

At that, you raise the dagger up and put it to your own neck, and just like that, his expression dramatically changes. 

“What are you doing? Careful.” He scolds, all confidence fleeing from his body. 

You cock your head at him curiously. “What? Scared I’ll hurt myself?” You taunt, moving the dagger downwards and pressing it against your chest.. 

“This isn’t funny.” Beomgyu tenses. 

“Oh, but I disagree.” You laugh, wincing a bit as you drag the knife over the skin above your left breast. 

“Stop it!” He screams, attempting to get out of his binds for the first time. His eyes follow the trail of blood slowly seeping out of the superficial wound. 

“But it just got interesting.” You mock, making another cut and causing Beomgyu to scream. “Please, I’m sorry. I’ll do anything, just stop it.” 

“What can you do?” You bark, “Go back in time and not rape me? Stop yourself from interfering in my marriage? Not start a fucking war to get me back?”

He clamps his mouth shut and you mutter dejectedly. “No. Of course not.”

You grab his cock again, stroking it. You pay close attention to his reactions as he tries to stay focused, tries not to let his brain fog up at the pleasure, but your touches are deliberate and purposeful, touching him just the way you know he likes, and before long you hear his little frustrated puffs of restrained pleasure. 

“Does that feel good, puppy?” You purr, gliding your pussy over the base of his cock while you cradle the head of his cock in your palm, your thumb swiping at the sensitive spot just under the tip. 

“Yes.” He huffs, still valiantly trying to stay alert but you can see the haziness taking over his eyes as he peers through his long lashes at where you’re touching. “You know just how to touch me to have me wrapped around your fingers. Please, just fuck me and forget about all this madness.” 

“Easy for you to say when you’ve gotten everything you ever wanted.” You circle your hand around the head of his cock and move it in a twisting motion that has his jaw slackening and whatever comeback he had die on his tongue. 

“Do you want my pussy?” You ask curiously as if you don’t know, rising up on your knees and lining his cock with your entrance before sinking down the slightest bit, letting the flushed head breach your hole before quickly taking it out. 

“Oh, please!” He mewls, his hips pushing up to chase your warmth. 

“Stay down.” You suddenly growl, all fake sweetness gone from your voice as you point the dagger back at yourself and Beomgyu immediately stills, whimpering, “Okay, okay, just put that down.” 

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do. You’re not in control here.” You spit at him, wishing that by saying it you could grow to believe it. For his part, Beomgyu nods obediently, keeping his mouth shut. 

You sink down on his tip once again, letting him enjoy the warmth for a few seconds before pulling off him. You repeat the same thing over and over again, for no reason other than to see him pant and whimper and struggle to stay still. 

“Does it hurt, puppy? Look how red your cock is. You must be dying to bury it inside my. tight. wet. pussy.” You tease him, punctuating every word by giving him a short taste of your pussy. 

“Yes, hurts so bad. Need you so much.” He sniffles. 

“Yeah.” You coo, sickeningly sweet to distract him from the coming attack, “Tell me, did it feel good when you forced me to take your cock on your wedding night?” 

Immediately, his defenses go up. “I had to–” 

You press the dagger to his abdomen and make a long shallow slice that has him sucking in a sharp intake of air as the trail of the dagger blooms red. “Don’t you dare lie to me. You came. That must mean you liked it. Or was that something that you had to do too?” 

Beomgyu chews on his lip anxiously, afraid to say anything that would push you off the edge right now when even his excuses can give rise to such an outraged response from you. 

“No, you just wanted to claim me. You couldn’t handle another man taking me when you’ve worked so hard on me.” 

He tries to reach out to you but the restraints keep him in place so he settles on whimpering, “I just loved you too much to let you go.” 

“Well, here I am.” You grab his cock, lining your pussy up with it before sinking down on it, sighing, “There you go, just what you wanted. Are you happy now?” 

“No. Want you to be happy first.” 

“Stop lying.” You hiss, making a deeper cut over where his heart lies. “This has only ever been about you.” 

Beomgyu he shakes his head in denial still, letting you marr his skin the same way he marred your soul. 

“No? So if I told you that I would be happier dead, you’d let me go?” You ask threateningly, pointing the dagger at your belly. “If I told you I don’t want this child, would you let me carve it out?” 

“You wouldn’t.” He croaks, tears filling up his widened eyes. 

“Are you sure about that?” You bottle up every icy tendril of fear trying to grip your heart as you dig the tip of the dagger into your skin. Beomgyu completely loses it, starting to yank harshly on his binds so hard it rattles the bed and almost throws you off. 

“Good job, Beomgyu. You almost made me stab myself.” You lie but he immediately ceases his struggle. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 

"Stop saying that! You're not sorry." You shout at him, and he wails as you cut yourself again.

“Please, I’ll do anything. Just don’t hurt yourself. Don’t leave me. Please, stop this.” He cries inconsolably, large teardrops splashing down his red cheeks. “If you don’t want the child then we can get rid of it. Just don’t leave me.” 

That stops you in your tracks. “You would give up our child?” You ask incredulously and he nods. “I would do anything for us to stay together.” 

His words unsettle you deeply. So even the child you’ve both been dreaming of can be sacrificed in his relentless pursuit of you? What will he not do in order to keep you? Is anything sacred to this monster you love? 

Beomgyu grows uneasy at your silence and he calls out to you in a weak voice. “Princess…My queen, please say something.”

“There is no redemption for you, is there?” You ask, and he presses his lips together stubbornly. “I don’t want redemption. I just want you.” 

And there it is, proof that there is no redemption for you either–the tightening of your chest at his heretical proclamation of his love for you.  

“You’ve ruined me. I should hate you. I should kill you… but you’re in my blood like poison.” You mutter bitterly, clenching your pussy around him in a way that has him bucking his hips up into you. You suck in a sharp breath at the spike in pleasure as his length fills you up to the brim. 

”But none of that matters to you, does it? As long as you get to fuck me, to own me.” If it’s hypocritical for you to say that while bouncing on his cock then the irony is not lost on you, but who do you have to impress anyway? Beomgyu knows you too well for that. “You only think with this cock.” 

He shakes his head but his hips have a mind of their own and they continue to thrust up into you so you discard the dagger and press your hands against them to keep them in place. “No. Down boy. You will lie back and take what I give you. Just like you did to me.” 

He whimpers pathetically but obeys. Only when you’re sure he’s not going to move do you start moving over his cock again, bringing forth more pathetic cries from him. 

“There you go, cry louder for me, my monster.” You sneer, your nails digging into his flesh as you ride him ruthlessly. 

“Yes, anything you want.” He babbles, struggling to keep his eyes from rolling back. 

“This must be heaven for you, marrying me, knocking me up… it’s everything your twisted mind wanted.” 

He nods shamelessly. “Waited so long.” 

“How does it feel then?”

“So sweet. So–ahh–so good.” 

“You want to cum, don’t you?” You narrow your eyes at him and he nods eagerly. “Already? God, you’re pathetic.” You degrade him but Beomgyu doesn’t care, eating it all up. “Only for you.”

“I know.” You say dismissively, as if you don’t crave that validation just as much as he craves your attention. “Cum then. Spend your seed inside me.”

“Yes, my queen.” He answers with the devotion of a priest offering up a sacrifice to their god. You feel his warm seed filling you up and you slide your hips against him deliberately, milking his cock. “That’s it. Does that feel good?” 

He nods. “Y-yeah… so good. Want to make you f–fuck–feel good too.” 

“Aw, how sweet. Why don’t you then?” You coo, picking up your pace over his spent cock once more. 

Beomgyu’s look of shock only lasts a second before realization sets in. But he bites his lip, holding in his cries of overstimulation. 

“What? You’re not going to beg me to stop?” You ask mockingly and Beomgyu shakes his head. “No. You can use me however you want. I’m yours to break.” 

Your lip curls up in a sneer. Once again, he won’t give you the satisfaction of having hurt him. You’re almost tempted to grab the dagger you had discarded just to make him freak out again. 

But you’re painfully close and edging yourself while letting him cum doesn’t exactly sound like a punishment for him. So you trade your energetic bouncing on his cock for more deliberate swivels of your hips that allow you to snake your hand between your legs to rub at your clit. 

Beomgyu eyes immediately follow your action. “Untie me. I want to do that for you.” 

“Oh, you want to? So I should let you, because Beomgyu always gets whatever the fuck he wants, huh? No one else matters.” 

Beomgyu shakes his head harshly, crying pitifully, frustrated that you’re twisting his words. “No. That’s not it. Just want to make you feel good.” 

But you won't give him a break, even if he's all pussydrunk. “Want. Again, it’s all about what you want.” 

“No, no, no…” He wails, shaking his head in denial, his mind too fogged up to argue with you.

“Don’t lie, Beomgyu. You said you wanted to fill me up every night, right? So do it. Cum in me until you ruin me for everyone else, just like I know you want.” You goad him. “Claim me just like the animal you are.” 

“Yes, my queen. Anything you want. I love you so much.” He sobs as he cums a second time, not trying to deny your filthy allegations anymore. As his hips buck up, frenzied by the second orgasm, he pushes you over the edge too, the both of you shuddering in ecstasy, joined together like you are meant to. 

Orgasming together with Beomgyu always feels almost spiritual, the way the barrier between your two beings blur and for a few seconds you become one. In those few seconds of utter bliss, you feel like you might just tumble into his body and never come out again. 

It’s an intense feeling and it leaves you exhausted, the both of you, but that doesn’t mean that you’re going to give him a break. Powering through the discomfort, you keep riding him, not giving him a moment’s reprieve, and Beomgyu’s body twists and squirms under your merciless ministration. 

“No more. Please stop.” 

“What? Don’t you want me anymore? You did such disgusting, sick things for this pussy, didn’t you? Acted like a rabid dog and tore down anyone who stood between you and me but now you want to stop? No, you're going to lie there and fucking take it.” 

“Please, p-please, aghhh—no more.” Beomgyu cries, his body contorting under you but you hold him in place, your hands bruising his slender body. 

You laugh at his struggle. “Come one, Beomgyu, you don’t expect me to stop just because you’re begging me to now, don’t you? That’s not what you taught me. So come on, be a good mutt and take it.”

Your pace is brutal, the fury coursing through your body searing off your nerves until you can’t feel the overstimulation and the pain anymore, the only thing on your mind is to make him hurt for what he did to you. 

And he does, cumming and crying, crying and cumming. You don’t really know how many times he orgasmed because after a couple of times, his drained balls didn’t have any more seed to give you. But his tears never stopped, overtaking his useless pleas until nothing but garbled cries left his swollen lips. 

“Nghhh–ahhh, pl…ease…” You hear Beomgyu croak when you finally slow down, and you look at his face to see it drenched with tears and drool–his lips bitten raw, his pupils dilated, his cheeks flushed, and his whole expression fucked out. “C-can’t…” 

He manages to articulate what you can plainly see. He can’t handle any more. His body trembles beneath you, and his limbs fall uselessly against the bed. He has no fight left in him. 

You grab the dagger again and point it at him. He doesn’t react, no more wise words, no more challenges, he just stares at you and waits, entirely drained. So then you direct it at yourself and he musters up energy from thin air to beg, “Don’t… leave…me.”

Beomgyu is not afraid of death. He’s afraid of being without you. You know what that feels like all too well. Isn’t that why you haven’t killed him yet? 

You use the knife to cut off his restraints, and as soon as he’s free, he reaches out to you, weakly, powerlessly, but you let him take you into his arms, embracing you like the devil welcoming a sinner to hell. 

There are dark circles under his eyes and the both of you are covered in blood but his smile is serene as he looks at you. “We finally belong to each other.” 

“I have always belonged to you, Beomgyu.” You reply defeatedly, finally giving up. 

_____________________________

A/N: next chapter is the final chapter so be sure to let me know your predictions/wishes for the end! i love to read your theories and hear your thoughts ❤️

also here's a poll. it won't affect the ending at all, i'm just curious lol

[mae-i-scribble]

I'm doing a very slow reread of orv with some friends, but since I can't talk about my spoilerous rambles with them too much I have decided to make a post here to get my thoughts out. Up to chapter 25, I've been surprised by the amount of little hints we're already getting for larger plot points and the things that are recontextualized now that I'm looking with hindsight rather than experiencing it for the first time, which really speaks to how phenomenally written orv is on a fundamental level. By the time we get to the 3rd scenario, we've had Dokja mention his mother once, when he briefly worries over her safety. Then we get this line:

"I looked around at the people. The first scenario was original sin. Thus, none of the people here were innocent. That made it more disgusting. Those who trampled on someone else to survive, who couldn’t even bear responsibility for their own life."

Of course it's firstly talking about the lack of morality in this world, when faced with the truth that between the major and minor groups of Gumho station, one fact makes them equal: they are all murderers. The use of the phrase "the original sin" caught my eye because when looking at Dokja's life, murder is his original sin- the murder of his father. That is what sparks the events leading up to this point. It is the true original sin of this world. However, that being followed by "That made it more disgusting...who couldn't even bear responsibility for their own life," is rather hypocritical in that regard. We have no way of knowing exactly how much of that night Dokja remembers at this point of the story, so there are 2 ways to interpret this in regards to his father's murder. 1) Dokja does not remember that he murdered his father, but remembers that his mother had taken responsibility for her crime and served her sentence. In regards to here the people of the minor are far inferior because they cannot adapt the way Sookyung did to their crime. 2) Dokja does remember that he murdered his father, and this disgust is equally leveled at himself, because he knows his mother is innocent but that she took responsibility from Dokja. Thus Dokja of back then is just like these people, unable to take responsibility for his crime.

Then, later on, we see the text, and Dokja specifically, focus on this particular pairing in the minor group.

"The people started to move. All in all, they were people who had already killed. “M-Mother!” “Dayoung, come here! Do this! Just like what you did on the subway with Mother!” Children and mothers."

Then in Chapter 25 we have:

"I honestly admired that the mother and child survived the bloody fight. If she had that much strength, they might be able to survive without going with us."

The English translation doesn't exactly lend itself to identifying the gender of the child, and I am miserably monolingual so I'm not sure if the original text specifies Dayoung's gender, but for thematic reasons I'm choosing to imagine them as a mother/son paring. In that regard, Dokja choosing to notice them out of everyone else, when he's an extremely apathetic person in these early chapters who doesn't care much for those not directly related to him or the story/his survival is very notable. I can't help but think he sees himself in that, as both the son of a murderer and a murderer himself. It's also notable that when complimenting the pair, he only focuses on the mother's strength. Which like. The subconscious projection is so real. To Dokja the child didn't do anything it seems, it's only because of the mother's strength that they will be able to live on. I'm sure I will be back to add more info on this as I trudge through the novel because Dokja and Sookyung's relationship makes me mentally ill all the time but for now I shall simply lay down and ponder(tm)

[suzyandthefox]

hey hey hello hi I got into S/lay the P/rincess a few months ago and I don't have anyone to talk about it much with, I am SO down to hear your nom headcanons if you have any

my favorite princesses are the Beast and the Den (for obvious reasons lmao) as well as The Moment of Clarity, and the Apotheosis, so if you have any headcanons for any of them, I'd love to hear them. and/or just your favorite princess(es)! go wild, as few or as many as you'd like to share, no pressure either way

I'd also like to hear if you have any headcanons for TLQ, whether as pred or prey, beeg form or smol. lobve the lil birb man. I like to think he'd be a switch :>

(sorry if this is a lot lmao. love your work!)

Thank you so much!!

Fellow S/lay The P/rincess fan, I'm glad we can share the brainrot together, I was working on my fan princess at some point (will drop the art underneath a break)

For this Ask I'm going to explore ALL the vessels and tell you which ones can eat other than the beast and which ones can be eaten.

Of course: Major warnings for spoilers

TLQ: My beloved,my lovely baby bird, He is what I call a True Switch, which is when someone fits perfectly both as pred and as prey, he is built like that.

Base Princess: She changes depends on your perception to her, but generally, she is just a normal woman. She can't vore.

Adversary/Eye of the Needle: Big strong muscle lady, shaped like an Oni (which I'm like 100% sure was the intention) and In a lot of mythos,Oni swallow their enemies whole. However, she would like a fair, engaging fight and swallowing you whole mid-fight wouldn't be very fair or fun.

I say, given the right circumstances, Adversary/Eye of the Needle can vore!

Maybe she would like to incapacitate you, or give you somewhere to rest momentarily before continuing the fight, or see if you can tear her apart from the inside out.

The Fury: Hates you and Hates you and Hates you and Hates you and Hates you and_ can't vore solely because swallowing you whole would be too merciful and she wants to shred you into a million pieces.

Tower/Apotheosis: All I wanna do, is see you turn into, A GIANT WOMAN, A GIANT WOMA_

Extremely beeg lady, she makes sure to ham into your head how insignificant and tiny you are, displaying her dominance over you, and of course, what better way to display dominance than to literally make you a part of herself?

She can make herself your gilded cage, your home, not only would she take her very sweet time enjoying your taste, teasing you and telling you how much of a delectable little morsel you are, but she would keep teasing you even after you reached her stomach.

She would tell you things like how this was all meant to happen and that your only choice is to wait for your fate like the meal you are, etc.

Not only can The Tower/The Apotheosis vore, she's very much a cruel bastard Pred.

The Witch: "I probably won't bite" (It's a fucking lie)

Little meow meow >:3, She would be in for the chase and the biting, but can't actually vore, she will 1000000% bite you though, and make it hurt.

The Thorn: MY WIFE MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE MY SWEETIE PIE_ The Thorn is one of the princesses that's lets herself be vulnerable to you, this route is all about trust and allowing yourself to be weak to the other.

And well, is there's any bigger sign of trust than safe vore?

After freeing her from the thorns, She would be weak, tired, in pain from all the thorns that hurt her and wrapped her.

If she was smaller, imagine if we could put her somewhere comfortable and warm, ease her pains.

"We must keep her as close to us as possible, away from this harsh,cold world that will hurt her fragile body" Smitten says as you look at her,she actually became smaller...

You do, indeed, want to keep her as close as possible, underneath your heart, within yourself, hidden safely in your depths.

You confess to her about your intentions, promising to her that you will protect her with your life... She hesitates, but agrees, you didn't hurt her before, why would you now?

Almost as natural as breathing itself, you tuck her in, your innards gently yet eagerly receives your lover, knowing who she is and what they have to do.

Smitten is absolutely Thrilled to have the princess inside the body, it's literal extreme cuddling after all, and being able to feel her movements within? Every delicate touch to your flesh? Knowing that she trusts you with her life? He literally can't be happier.

Hero still thinks it's inhumane and strange to swallow another living being whole like this, even if he knows the body is safe for the princess he is still squeamish about all of this.

Oops I wrote a whole mini fic, Can you tell she's my favourite? (I'm boring Ik but this route is genuinely the sweetest thing ever)

The Wild: A web of nerves lain upon a web of nerves lain upon a web of nerves_ Technically can't vore because you're already a part of her and she's a part of you.

The Wounded Wild: You seperated yourself from her, but your heart yearns, you feel that a part of you is missing, an emptiness inside you twists and turns like a hungry void, would you make yourselves one again? Even by force?

The Beast/The Den: Canon vore, enough said.

The Damsel: She's very demure,very cutesy, she would do anything you ask her to do, even if you eat her alive, she won't fight against you, "I just want to make you happy!"

As with the thorn, Smitten would be thrilled, but Hero would find more than one wrong thing with this.

The Grey/The Spectre/The Nightmare/The Wraith: These are all Ghosts, I don't see much vore potential here, outside of Spectre possessing you.

The Prisoner : Least vore potential tbh, 0% , can't see it happening.

The Stranger: "Who are you calling weird? Just kidding, we know we're weird. And so are you." Would make for an interesting pred with an interesting anatomy if she was a pred.

The Razor: Stabs

The Shifting Mound: There's an ending where she makes you a part of her, I guess that counts as vore.

And here's my own fan Princess: The Mouse!

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this! Thanks for asking!

[sassycheesecake]

"I love you too much“ - Shinsuke Kita x Reader

A/N: Based on the song „I love you too much“ from the movie „The Book Of Life“. Give this song a listen to, it’s beautiful. Enjoy ❤️

Warnings: none

„I love you too much

To live without you loving me back“

Shinsuke Kita is just a Fueneku Middle School student when he first met you. He saw you in his classroom for the first time, he swears everything around him moved in slow motion, eyes entirely focused on your beauty.

As the years went by, now a High School student of Inarizaki, Kita saw you grow into an even more beautiful person, personality and appearance speaking. The way you show kindness to other people, the exciting way your eyes gleam up when you see either dogs or cats on the streets. There’s only problem. Your heart belongs to someone else’s that is not Kita‘s.

It’s Aran‘s.

„I live for your touch

I whisper your name night after night“

After the loss against Karasuno in the Spring Tournament, Kita lays in his bed awake at night, unable to sleep. Not necessarily because of the loss, but because the way you hugged him to comfort the team after their loss.

It was only for a few seconds but the way your soft body felt against his, was Kita‘s dream come true. He didn’t want to overstep any boundaries by hugging you back right in front of his teammate, who is also your boyfriend.

It’s like your scent still lingers in his memories. The scent of vanilla mixed rose petals.

Kita sighs deeply.

"Why can’t you be mine (Y/N)?“

„Heaven knows your name I've been praying

To have you come here by my side“

It’s a cold winter morning on New Year’s, when Kita walks up to the shrine for New Year prayers. With small steps, he enters the temple and presses his hands together.

'Please give me the chance and courage to show (Y/N) how I feel about her.’

As the Outside Hitter is about to turn around, he sees Aran walking in as well, with an extremely tired look on his face.

Aran greets Kita with a friendly smile and Kita asks his teammate about the dark circles under his eyes.

Heaving a deep sigh, Aran sends his prayer as well, before answering Kita.

“(Y/N) and I have been fighting a lot lately. I think our relationship is breaking apart and I am hoping the Gods will have mercy on me to fix our relationship.”

Hearing those words makes Kita’s stomach twist with jealousy.

Kita can’t help but hope that the Gods overhear his prayer over Aran’s.

„Without you a part of me is missing

Just to make you my own, I will fight“

It’s been years since Kita last saw you, now being the age of 24 and having his own rice farm, there is not a day that Kita doesn’t think about you. When he was on his way to deliver his rice to Onigiri Miya, he wonders if you and Aran stayed together and what you are doing now as an adult. Carrying the rice bags inside to help Osamu, the bell of the front entrance door chimes, making both men stop what they are doing to see who has entered this early.

Osamu smiles slightly when he spots you.

"Ya here early today, we don‘ open 'til 11, ya know that.“

You chuckle a bit in reply.

"I know, I know. But you said yesterday that the new rice delivery comes in the next day, which is today obviously and I wanted to help you but I can see you already have someone doing that for you.” You smile brightly at Kita.

That smile of yours is going to be the death of him.

"I am gonna go change, be right back.” You say while disappearing around the corner.

Osamu sees the blush on his former captain’s face, teasing him.

"She’s a beauty eh?”

"She’s always been beautiful.” Kita states in a quiet voice but Osamu still hears him.

"They broke up yannow? Aran and (Y/N). Too focused on volleyball and she didn’t wanna do that back-and-forth anymore.” Osamu places a heavy bag of rice into the cabinet before rubbing the sweat off with his forearm.

Kita’s wide eyes find Osamu’s gray eyes and the ravenette says one more sentence before Kita gets back into his truck to drive back.

"If ya come over more, 'm sure she would give ya a chance. Heard 'er say that she’s looking for somethin’ serious again to her friend on the phone the other night.” Osamu gives a wink into Kita’s direction and Kita makes it his goal to win your heart and show you his love that hasn’t faltered since Middle School.

„There's love above love and it's yours cause I love you

There's love above love and it's ours if you love me

As much“

Many years later, Kita sits on a wooden bench on his patio in front of his home. The gentle breeze of the wind flows through his black-whiteish hair, the sunset painting the sky with the most beautiful orange, red and pink colors that reflect on some of the clouds.

His fields blooming high, soon to be ready for harvesting.

All of sudden, he feels a pair of arms sneaking around his neck, a chin gently propped on top of his head.

He raises a hand and entangles his ring-adorned finger with yours.

"Whatcha doin?”

"I am thanking the Gods every day to have you by my side. I truly have been blessed with your kindness and your heart that you gave me to protect, care and cherish for.”

Giggling softly at your fiancé’s romantic words, you squish your cheek against the top of his head, tightening your grip around him a little bit more.

Kita moves his head so he can stare into your eyes with a lovesick smile.

"I love you so much (Y/N).”

Pressing a gentle kiss against his lips, you whisper against them.

"I love you too Shinsuke, more than life itself.”

@rukia-uchiha-98 @nerd-of-karasuno @wake-uptoreality @darthferbert @lyditheoverthinker

[star122234]

Yandere alphabet Vance Hopper

-[A]ffection- How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it be?

°Vance is a super protective yandere so expect him to protect you from everything and everyone even if there is no real danger

°he always has an arm around your shoulder or a hand on your waist or starts a make-out session just to show others that you are his

° and you can be sure that Vance is very intense

-[B]lood- How confused are they willing to be when it comes to their sweetheart?

°vance literally almost killed a kid for making him lose at pinball. do you really have doubts that he would kill a person just because they looked at you in a strange way

° it is obvious that he would not kill the person in front of him or other people he would wait until his victim was alone so he could beat him to death

-[C]ruelty How would they treat their girlfriend once kidnapped? Would they mock them?

°Vance will try to be kind and patient with you, even if you yell at him Vance will just take a deep breath and try to calm you down, but if you annoy him Vance may not hurt you but he will yell at you

° he feeds you and makes sure you are clean

° he also tries to make sure that the place you are stuck in is as comfortable as possible

° he gives you some gifts to distract you when he is not with you

° physical touch will be very common in your relationship even if you don't like

-[D]arling- Besides kidnapping, would they do anything against their sweetheart's wishes?

°touching you

°he always hugs you or kisses you or holds your hand even if you don't want to

-[E]xpose- How much of your heart do they lay bare for your darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to your sweetheart?

° he is not vulnerable at first but the more you gain his trust the more vulnerable he becomes

-[F]ight- How would they feel if their sweetheart fought back?

°Vance would feel hurt and angry

° you can try to fight Vance but he is stronger than you so he would take you down quickly

°he would lock you up or tie you up somewhere and leave you alone until you calm down

-[G]ame- Is this a game for them? When would they like to see their darling try to escape?

°this is definitely not a game for Vance

°he would hate for you to try to escape

-[H]ell- What would be your sweetheart's worst experience with them?

°probably when he kills a person in front of you

-[I]business- What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their sweetheart?

°Vance dreams of taking you to live in a house in the middle of the forest where no one can bother you two

°maybe have two kids and a dog

°and about marriage Vance doesn't give a damn he thinks the two of you are already committed to being together forever and that he doesn't need marriage

-[J]ealousy- Are they jealous? Do they attack or find a way to deal?

° a normal Vance is already quite jealous a yandere Vance is extremely possessive

°at the first opportunity he kills the person he thinks is trying to take you away from him

-[K]isses- How do they act around or with their sweetheart?

° he acts like a guard dog around you, he is always behind you and looking fiercely at everyone and growling at anyone who gets close to you

° when you think you are alone you can be sure that Vance is watching you

°when you're not paying attention Vance takes pictures of you so he can admire you when you're not with him

° wherever you go he goes along with you

° when you go to the bathroom, he will wait for you outside the door

-[L]ove letters- How would they go about wooing or approaching their sweetheart?

° he would first be your friend, he wouldn't realize that he likes you in a romantic way at first but when he does he starts flirting with you all the time and at some point he would ask you on a date

°Vance also likes to buy gifts for you, gifts are not expensive or anything like that but they are things you told him you liked like books, clothes, accessories, etc…

-[M]ask- Are your true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

° to tell the truth yes

° I mean he would still be that kid with anger issues who gets into fights all the time

° but with you he would be more affectionate and gentle

-[N]aughty- How would they punish their darling?

°Vance would punish you by hurting someone you love

°he would hurt a friend or a member of your family and then he would take a picture of them and show you just to show you what happens when you don't behave

-[O]ppression- How many rights would they take away from their darling?

°he would take away your right to socialize

°Vance doesn't like you being around or talking to other people he wants you to talk and be around only him

°it will isolate you from the rest of the world

°And why would you want to be around other people when you already have him?

-[P]atience- How patient are they with their sweetheart?

°compared to the patience he has with other people he is quite patient with you

-[Q]uit- If their sweetheart dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, will they be able to move on?

° good depends

°If you escape Vance he will hunt you down like a wolf hunting a sheep

°but if you died Vance will be crazier than ever anything annoys him, and he would also isolate himself from the rest of the world

-[R]egret-

Would they feel guilty about kidnapping their sweetheart? Would they let their darling go?

°no he wouldn't regret it, he wouldn't regret it at all

-[S]tigma- What brought out this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

°Vance's childhood probably brought out this yandere side of him

-[T]ears- How do they feel when they see their loved one screaming, crying and/or isolating themselves?

°he feels a sense of guilt but even with that feeling he wouldn't release you

°he would try to comfort you by hugging you and telling you how he's just trying to keep you safe and how he loves you

° maybe he would leave you alone for a few hours but only for a few hours

-[U]nique-

Would they do anything other than classic yandere?

°he is certainly not as sweet as a classic yandere

-[V]ice- What weakness can your darling exploit to escape?

°The more you convince Vance that you really love him, the more manipulable he becomes.

-[W]is the end- Would they ever hurt your darling?

° Vance could never hurt you at least not on purpose

°maybe he hurts you unintentionally

° if he hurts you by accident he will feel extreme guilt maybe he doesn't show much but you can be sure he feels guilty

-[X]oanon- How much would they revere or adore their darling? How far would they go to win their sweetheart?

°Vance thinks you are an innocent angel who needs to be protected and he will protect you

°he will kill anyone who dares to threaten you or threaten your relationship

-[Y]earn-

How long do they crave their sweetheart before they snap?

°it will probably take about five months before he decides to kidnap you

-[Zenith- Would they break your darling?

°I would say yes

°bom he literally threatens you saying he will kill friends and family if you don't behave and he's probably already killed some people in front of you

[lajikookbolala]

I want to take a moment to thank an incredible YouTube channel, Wonsummernight. But first, let me explain why.

This story takes place about two years ago. It was summer of 2021. It was hot out and I was spending my days inside, laying lazily on my couch and listening to music on my earbuds. Then, one day, by coincidence, I stumbled across a song called Butter, by the band BTS.

At first, I was a bit hesitant to like it. I didn't know much about BTS or K-pop in general other than the fact that the fans were hated on relentlessly. But, I decided to push that thought to the side, and I listened to the song, on repeat, for a few days.

On June 28th, 2021, I watched the Butter music video for the first time. And the second time. And the third time. And the fifth time.

I was absolutely hooked. That one shot of Jungkook singing the chorus with his purple hair was enough to make me swoon, and swoon I did.

I showed my friends, but none of them saw what I saw.

So, I continued on my BTS journey by myself. I started digging deeper into the fandom. I began with learning about each member; their names, their roles in the group, etc. Then, I began watching compilations of funny moments.

I was obsessed, and I needed to share my obsession with someone, but I knew nobody would understand. So, I showed some of these videos to one of my very best friends: my mom. And, of course, being an extremely smart woman, she was immediately hooked as well. We basically became fans at the same time, laughing and crying and yelling together about these seven amazing men and how much we both loved them.

Then, about a week after I first joined the fandom, I stumbled across a video on YouTube, a type of video I had never seen before.

A Taekook video.

Intrigued, I clicked, and not knowing much about the boys at this time, I believed the video. Even though it was absolute garbage, I wasn't used to seeing anything like this, so I thought everything in the video was true, even though it obviously wasn't. My mom, however, didn't get it. She didn't even understand what shipping was or why people did it.

That was until one day, about a month later, when my mom stumbled across a video on her own YouTube home page.

A Jikook video.

She tried to show me, saying that she had never seen any two people more in love in her life. I was extremely against it at first, but since she was my mother I eventually gave in.

I still remember the feeling I got when I first watched that video. It was somehow a physical manifestation of what I was thinking. It was as if my body was yelling; oh shit, I was completely wrong.

I forgot about that video, as I'd watched so many others since, but today I remembered it.

This was the video that first got me into Jikook.

For the last two years, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. Being a Jkkr can sure be stressful, but the small moments of joy are what make the shipping worth it. The small moments like watching videos like these.

I hope anyone reading this takes a moment to go and watch some of this channel's videos. It's been an intense day, and we all definitely need a break from the drama.

And last but not least I want to thank two people: Wonsummernight, and my mom. The two people who helped me get into Jikook. I am extremely grateful to both of you.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️☀️🌙

[stellarcoachman]

Novembmas day 23: Family

Ingo follows Emmet’s lead through the city, then the station. He leans against his shoulder as they ride the train, watching the world pass them by through the window with wide eyes. Unova is so different from Hisui. Sometimes it’s hard to believe he’s really here.

They get off the train in a much smaller city, which Emmet tells him is Opelucid. Apparently, they grew up here, although the sight brings forth no memory. They walk down cobbled streets until they reach a wrought iron gate. Emmet opens it and leads the way up the path.

Ingo feels anxiety beginning to bubble under his skin as they approach the door. He met his uncle and cousin briefly while he was still hospitalized, but he hasn’t seen them since then. He still doesn’t remember them, which he can’t help but feel somewhat guilty about. He knows they must have been very important to him.

Before he has too much time to worry about it, the door opens. Drayden smiles at them, though it’s hard to tell through his sizable beard. “Hello, boys. Please, come inside.” He gestures with one hand, holding the door open for them with the other.

Ingo ducks his head in an informal bow and follows Emmet through the door. “Thank you, sir.”

Drayden’s eyes tighten slightly, but he just shows them to the living room. Ingo sits next to Emmet, close enough that he can lean against his shoulder. He would be surprised if his brother can’t feel the current of anxiety under his skin that’s only gotten stronger. At the very least, he can surely feel the way it makes him twitch when Drayden sits across from them. The silence feels far too heavy for what is supposed to be a nice gathering between family.

Eventually, their uncle breaks the silence. He looks at Ingo. “How have you been feeling?”

“Better.” It’s true. The last time they met, he was extremely disoriented from recently traveling through time and space.

“That’s… good.” Drayden seems unsure what else to say.

“Where’s Iris?” Emmet breaks the awkward tension again.

“Oh, she had an unexpected delay at the gym. She’ll be here soon.”

Emmet just nods in understanding.

A moment later, Drayden suddenly stands. “How about some coffee?”

Emmet smiles. “Yes, please!”

“Ah, um. No thank you.”

Drayden stares at him in open shock. “...Ok. Would you like something else?”

“Tea, if you have it.”

“Alright.”

He leaves the room and Ingo holds back a sigh. He feels like he screwed something up. He didn’t mean anything bad by refusing the coffee. He honestly just doesn’t want a repeat of the first time he tried it. He felt like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. He lays his head on Emmet’s shoulder and whispers, “what am I doing wrong?”

Emmet knocks his head gently against his. “Nothing. Things are just different. It will take some getting used to, is all.”

Ingo sighs. “You mean, I’m different.”

“Yes.” 

Ingo appreciates the brutal honesty, but even so he can’t completely suppress a shiver.

Emmet obviously feels it because he wraps an arm around his shoulders, holding him just a little closer. “It’s alright. That’s not a bad thing.”

He tries to ignore the bubbling mixture of anxiety, gratitude, and shame, choosing instead to just lean against his brother and try not to think at all. It works for about a minute, until he hears the sound of the front door open.

Iris’s voice calls out, “sorry I’m late! Are Emmet and Ingo here yet?”

He hears Drayden moving around in the kitchen, then saying, “yes, they’re in the living room.”

Ingo sits up straight and Emmet lets his arm fall away from him just in time for Iris to appear. She grins brightly and bounds over to them. “Sorry I’m late.”

Emmet stands up so he can hug her. “It’s alright. It’s good to see you.”

Ingo stands too, but hesitates, unsure what to do now. Iris also hesitates, but she steps towards him and cautiously wraps her arms around him. He doesn’t quite know how to feel, but he returns the gesture just as cautiously. Her voice comes out much more quietly now. “I’m really glad you’re back.”

He pats her back awkwardly. “I am too.”

Drayden comes back into the room carrying several steaming cups, which he sets on the table. “We’re all glad you’re back.”

He ducks his head and takes his cup, taking a sip to avoid having to think of anything to say. It’s more bitter than he expects, but he likes the taste. Still, it’s really too hot, so he just holds it for the moment.

Another awkward silence envelops them, but Iris doesn’t let it sit for long. She looks at Ingo and exclaims, “you should battle me!”

There’s a beat of entirely different silence. Shocked. Shaking it off, Drayden pats Iris on the shoulder. “I don’t think that’s-”

“I would love to.” Everyone turns to look at him and Ingo shrinks back in his seat. “I mean… If that’s… allowed.” If he’s being honest, a battle sounds much better than sitting here in awkward silence, but Drayden already started to say no and this is his house. He doesn’t want to overstep.

But Drayden just smiles. “Of course it’s allowed. There’s a practice arena outside.”

Emmet stands and tugs on his arm, pulling him to his feet. “I think that’s a great idea! Let’s go now!”

Ingo allows himself to be pulled along and in moments, they’re out the back door and he’s standing on one side of an arena, facing Iris on the other. He points forward and calls out, “all aboard!”

Iris grins. “I’ll give it everything I’ve got!”

Their battle is fast and explosive. Iris looks surprised when he sends out his partners from Hisui rather than those from before, but he still doesn’t know them well enough to be confident battling alongside them. He ends up winning, but only by a very small margin. Despite her surprise, Iris battles fiercely and her Pokemon are quite powerful. She reminds him a bit of Rei.

When her last Pokemon falls, she grins even wider. “You’re as strong as ever!”

He laughs. “I’ll take your word for it.”

She crosses the battlefield and the other two walk up from the sidelines. Drayden asks, “those are new Pokemon, right?”

He nods. “Yes.”

“Emmet mentioned them. I’m not surprised you’ve trained them so well.”

“I suppose…” Ingo lets his eyes narrow happily. “Some things haven’t changed, then.”

His uncle smiles, understanding in his expression. “More than you may know.”

[januever]

this is slightly inspired by the 2010’s movie letters to juliet by gary winick. mainly names, places and events but still inspired. enjoy! :)

💌 — januever presents :

LETTERS TO JULIET. ﹙ charles leclerc x reader ﹚

SOMEWHERE, BEFORE JULIET :

everything was perfect in the beginning. your relationship with your fiancé, victor, was like paradise and you thought that nothing could ruin it. he was definitely the one.

he was extremely romantic, passionate and caring. he always made sure to pay attention to you and tried his best to make you feel wanted and loved.

until that dreadful day came by.

« my love, i am home! » you shouted as you entered your shared apartment, taking off your shoes by the door. you looked up and with no response from him, you decided to quietly enter the house, looking around in hopes to find your lover.

to no avail, you almost give up thinking that he might be caught up with work.

victor was an amazing chef and for the past few months, he had been working on the preparations for his first ever restaurant’s grand opening. you were more than thrilled for him, seeing how exciting it was for victor to finally make his dream come true.

truth be told that this phase of his life made your relationship more troubled than usual. he was now more focused on his work which made your alone time the perfect occasion for fighting, his phone constantly ringing from sponsors eager to talk to him, inviting him to all kinds of wine-tasting events at the most luxurious places that separated you two for weeks. that somewhat made your relationship colder as the time went by, leaving you with a sad heart.

finally leaving your apartment entrance behind, you hear whispered mumbles coming from your shared bedroom as soon as you enter the main corridor.

« well, that’s weird .. » you whisper to yourself, believing that you were home alone. was someone in your bedroom? or better yet, was your fiancé with someone in your bedroom? .. that couldn’t be. he didn’t reply to you just now so he obviously wasn’t home. right?

scared and confused, expecting the worst, your hands were shaking as they reached to the door’s knob, turning it slowly.

the worst had happened.

your heart dropped to the sight of your fiancé ( or better yet, ex-fiancé ) laying in bed with another woman. he tried his best to hide her under the duvet but with little to no success. you had already seen her.

all those moments, memories, fights, kisses … everything came to an end and how hurtful your freedom was. as soon as he looks up at you with the eyes of regret and tears start falling slowly down your cheeks, you run off the apartment and decide that you are leaving his life for good.

VERONA, DURING JULIET :

a year since you found out.

you left everything behind without a second thought, calling off the engagement, with much shock from victor’s family. they didn’t know the full story, and as much as you hated victor, you didn’t want to ruin everything for him. at least, not right now.

still, not wanting all the wedding preparations to fully go to waste, you took the honeymoon tickets and departed to your destination, verona, with much encouragement from your family and ex-fiancé.

« maybe some time away from each other was the best for us. it was time to call it quits. »

his text message was right. he was right. it was time for a brand-new start.

this time, in italy.

wandering through the streets of verona, your legs were taking you somewhere : la casa di giulietta, the famous balcony where juliet was wooed by her sweet romeo, or at least, that’s what shakespeare wrote.

it was one of the places on your enormous sigh-seeing wishlist for you 2 week stay at the city. you knew that if you were here with victor, he would be too busy to enjoy this moment with you, and with that, your mind travelled back to your unfortunate love life.

maybe juliet’s love magic was all that you needed for you to find your very own romeo, after all that had happened. one last bit of hope from you to love.

a big rustic brown sign with the words " La Casa de Giulietta “ engraved onto it signaled you that you had arrived to your destination.

passing the big entrance gate, you could see : so many romantically-hopeless women, some crying, some laughing, with all kinds of struggles and passions, doing the exact same thing. writing, hoping, confiding to their last resort, juliet, in hopes for a better love.

in front of them, a big brick wall stood firmly with a bunch of different papers and letters, of all colors and shapes stuck to it. all of them with the same loving intent.

the sight made your heart soften, and inspired you to do the same as the other women as you quietly sat down on a wooden-bench laying in the middle of the area. it was now your turn to ask for juliet’s help.

you sat there, not knowing exactly for how long. your mind wandering to all kinds of things you could say to juliet, begging for her to help you, to give you your perfect romance.

the sun light gradually being less and less strong signaled you that maybe it was time to return to your hotel and so, you decided to do exactly that. however, with an empty letter, which made you loose a little bit of hope.

packing all your belongings back into your bag with an heavy heart as you prepare yourself to leave, you hear heavy footsteps sounding from the entrance.

looking up out of pure curiosity, you see a figure emerging from the shadows and walking towards you. the dark pair of sunglasses sitting on their face, the dark cap on top of their head and the dimmed sun light made it harder for you to decipher who it was, making it a bit creepy looking, which startled you.

suddenly feeling uncomfortable, you decided to leave as fast as you could before the maybe-dangerous stranger could even think of doing something to you.

« i’m sorry if i startled you! don’t worry, it’s not what you’re thinking. » the somewhat intruder rapidly apologized as he noticed how uncomfortably you stood up and with a quick smile, he turned his back onto you, before stopping to face the brick wall. you noticed how his voice had a nice accent to it, definitely foreign.

his hands reached to the top of his head, taking his cap and sunglasses off and quickly messing with his hair. you admired how fluffy his hair appeared to be, colored with a nice hue of chocolate brown.

still watching him, you saw his hand reaching to one of the pockets of his jacket, before taking out a neatly folded yellow-colored post-it and placing it on a crack in the wall.

« are you also writing to juliet? » you questioned softly now moving besides him. the stranger, thinking that you had already left, jumped while one of his hands reached his chest, trying to calm his heart. « oh, i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to startle you! » you quickly apologized, frantically waving your hands in front of him.

« no no, it’s okay! i guess that’s my karma for scaring you earlier. » he chuckled softly to your antics, throwing a quick smile at you. his wide eyes had now relaxed and he seemed more at ease. you could finally see his face properly, noticing his green eyes watching you attentively. he’s quite pretty, you thought. « and to answer your question, yes, i am writing to juliet. » he replied, a hint of proudness in his tone.

« oh, i didn’t know men could also write to her .. » you mumbled to yourself, making him laugh sweetly.

« yeah, i’m not sure if i can do it either but hopefully she will help me either way. » he quickly shrugged, now facing the wall in front of both of you, reading some of the little cards with a soft smile on his lips.

« i didn’t meant it like that, i’m sorry! i’m just genuinely surprised. » you nervously said, now also looking at the wall, slightly embarrassed. why are you suddenly so nervous around this stranger? is it his eyes? you thought to yourself.

« it’s okay, i didn’t take it like that. » the man reassured, looking back at you briefly with the smile still plastered on his face. he seemed to stop for a while, thinking about something. a smirk appeared on his face, which made you look at him with a frown while softly asking what? « we should really stop apologizing to each other, you know. »

your frown slowly disappears as you both fall into soft giggles while you shake your head, nodding in agreement.

« yeah, we really should. »

« i’m charles, by the way. » he greeted warmly, throwing a sweet smile at you.

« nice to meet you, charles. i’m Y/N. » you replied now looking at him, locking both of your gazes.

« now, that’s a beautiful name. »

IN LOVE, AFTER JULIET :

it was now afternoon as your “ honeymoon ” came to an end.

the past month had been nothing but magical. and if you said that to charles, he would happily say that it was all because of him.

you got to know him a lot better during your vacation, easily getting along after your first encounter at juliet’s house. he took you on all kinds of adventures around the city and you found out he was quite familiar with the town, as well as some other provinces in italy.

he later told you about his job in formula one with ferrari, about his life in monaco, all kinds of funny stories from his childhood, all the crazy challenges with his teammate carlos … and all about his past.

you hugged, you cried, you laughed.

you bonded.

bonded over some ice cream, booping each other’s nose with the sweet icy treat as soft giggles came out of your mouths. the thought of that memory alone made you smile as you softly touched your nose with the tip of your fingers.

bonded during those late night-walks outside your hotel, to which he would walk to every late afternoon just to offer you dinner. the thought of those memories made charles’ feet hurt but it was all worth it.

bonded while watching the stars, laying on the grass from your hotel’s park. hands resting against each other, both of you blushing as they brushed a bit closer.

all those special moments, connecting like dots in your mind to give you the clarification that you needed: you were falling in love again. and this time, charles was the lucky guy.

you quickly got out of your thoughts as you heard knocking on your door. a smile spread through your face, knowing exactly who it was.

preparing yourself to greet charles goodnight as you opened your room’s door, you quickly got interrupted by an enthusiastic giggle.

« i got a letter back! » he excitedly exclaimed, holding up a white envelope for you to see. you could clearly read the word “juliet” on the front of the envelope, and the sight made your heart warm.

« from juliet, i suppose? » you asked with a soft laugh as you saw the happy man entering your room, while doing some kind of weird dance.

« oui. and i want you to read it! » he said, as he extended his arm in front of you. you frowned, taking the letter from his hand while glancing at him.

« are you sure? after all, this is your letter. » he only nodded in agreement as he gave you a warm smile. you gave in, mumbling a small okay as you opened the envelope.

“ dear Y/N,

this is charles. i’m sorry for disappointing you, as i’m sure that you were expecting a letter from juliet.

the truth is, this past month that we spent together was beautiful and i believe that juliet meant for us to meet. all those moments and all these feelings bottling up, waiting for the right time to tell you everything.

with you leaving so soon, i couldn’t have let you go without trying.

please, be the juliet to this pleading romeo. (with less drama and more love, of course.)

— charles. ”

reading the letter over and over again, you couldn’t help but feel confused. all those words echoing in your head, making your heart beat faster. did charles really mean all of it? maybe juliet could help you.

charles looked at you with an hesitant expression, slowly feeling more and more scared of your rejection. maybe he took the signs too far. maybe juliet couldn’t help him.

with each second ticking, you finally made your decision.

quickly mumbling a fuck it under your breath, you cup charles’ face with your hands and pull him into a kiss.

all of those unsaid words, everything being as clear as a confirmation for both of you that the love there was real.

charles’s “ grazie, giulietta. ” made you smile against his lips.

he was right.

thank you, juliet.

hellooo everyone! nana here :)

just wanted to say thank you for reading my first ever work all the way until the end. this was a true hustle to finish writing but i managed to do it nonetheless … TT

this is not the best thing ever written but i tried my absolute best and i hope u love it either way ♡

this was proofread buy a veeeery eepy nana so please excuse any grammar / sentence mistakes okay love !!!

remember to take care of yourselves & that u are very much loved!

much love,

— nana 💐