#i am such a failure at life… i am not a good enough artist or a good enough person for what that matters

[ouchhq]

.

[tiredfoxtf]

.

[kali-chaotic-neutral]

What you need to hear right now

Pick an outfit aesthetic and get called out by my Tarot decks

Light Academia Preppy Fairycore Coquette

Disclaimer: This tarot reading is not meant for you to make drastic choices or actions. Take this with a pinch of salt, this is just me giving advice with my sassy decks. Take the advice you want, anything that doesn't resonate, leave it.

My decks are taking turns calling you out on your bullshit, because sometimes delulu is NOT the solulu.

Light Academia:

What is your relationship with money? No, seriously. You're saving and saving money and not using it. And that's good. But there's a thin line between being frugal/not wasting your money and willingly hoarding. The former is being more smart and saving up to benefit you in the future, but the latter comes more from anxiety and fear. You don't want to buy things or spend some money in fear of loosing everything. Hoarding and having this paranoia over money will end up in you loosing it all as the universe will see you unhappy over the money you have that it will take it back and not give it. Not because you don't deserve it, but because the universe thinks that this wealth and money that you're hoarding is putting you in a bad place and it doesn't want that.

Why are you so nervous and hesitant to reveal your projects? It could be a book you're writing, poems, art, anything. Your fear of failure and eventually not letting others see your work will lead to what you fear. Failing. I was there in that place, darling. I feared people would judge me because of what I wrote, how I wrote. Then I showed a couple of my friends and teachers and they LOVED IT! People might not like it, but that doesn't they'll hate it. You'll never you know until you try.

How long are you going to hold onto the fear of failure or maybe years ago when you did fail in something that caused that fear? How long are you going to let the past drag you down? Hold you back from being the writer, the poet, the artist that you are!? The fear will always be there, but would you rather be in a a perpetual state of fear and anxiety or be someone that doesn't have regrets. Because there will be if you hold yourself back like this. Oh, why did I not just enter that poetry contest? Why did I not just show my art to others? Why did I not... Why didn't I... Regrets. Do you want a future full of regrets? No? Change.

You have a habit of being a big talker. Oh, I'll publish my book when I 'm 25. Oh, I'll go to the best art college. Oh this and that and that. But do you work hard to achieve those? I'm a big talker too, I had troubles working up as well. My 11th grade AS Level exams were a wake up call for me. I've passed and am on my way to a good college in a few months. Work hard and smart, don't keep flapping your gums dreaming big. It won't come true unless you work hard enough for it. You're also focusing too hard in perfecting your work to your detriment. Trying to perfect things almost always lead to it being even worse than before. Leave your projects as they are and let someone else, someone you trust look at it. Let them give you input and comments on your work, take those comments as ways to make your work better. Not as flaws they notices.

Once you fix all this shit up, work on yourself and your fears, fast change and movement will come. Maybe you'll finally get into that art college or college. Maybe you'll get that scholarship. But good change is coming. Don't read this and go: oh, good change is coming, I'll just relax a bit—NO!! If you do this the change will be for the worse. The universe will be sending you lessons after lessons if you slack off. Not until you're well off and in that dream house and job.

Slack off and my cards can see bad luck coming, you might lose people in your life due to conflict. Nothing good. There will be family issues that will need your attention, maybe someone is sick or just not feeling well mentally. If you actually work hard, I can see you becoming emotionally mature, and a good and loving figure to yourself and others.

Preppy:

Why are you putting more on your plate than you can eat? Why are you willingly allowing your workload to get heavier and heavier? You're overworked, on the brink of a burn out and yet you're here panicking and loosing sleep over the burden of projects and work you've put upon yourself. Put the other projects aside, do the most important one. And now, I know there is one project that is more important than the others. Evaluate the significance of the work you're doing and do the most important ones. One by one. Don't multitask darling. And stop overburdening yourself. You're letting obstacles get in the way and thus loosing discipline over yourself and loosing sight of your real goal. Take back the reins and steady yourself, focus on the path you want to take and go there.

Due to doing the exact amount of work you're supposed to be, you're able to solely focus on your projects. Cultivating it and making it better and successful. And I can see this as a time of celebration. BUT. Don't let it get to your head. Because if you do and you get cocky, fortune will not favor you. When things go downhill for you, learn from your mistakes and ensure it doesn't happen again.

You're not letting change take place. You're refusing to let this chapter of your life end, because you're afraid what the next chapter holds. LET GO!! Stop trying to extend the pages of this chapter. IT"S OVER. The more you resist, the more the situation will drag and drag. Universe has your back no matter how stubborn you are.

You're doubting yourself. This is impeding you being able to fulfil your highest potential and be your best self. Take a small break from whatever you're doing. Reflect, self evaluate. I've recently begun doing shadow work every night before bed, 3 questions max (you can find on Pinterest) and I do a gratitude journal every morning when I wake up (bullet list of what I'm grateful for). Limit and stop your inner critic, because you become what you think. If someone grows up being called an idiot they'll always think they're an idiot. It won't matter if a few teachers of peers say they're surprisingly smart. Change your mindset, be kinder to yourself. It isn't easy. But you'll get there.

If you continuously drag the past and your insecurities with you, it will lead to more stressful situations, more sadness, failure, a place where you'll be forced to choose. if you don't let these drag you down, you will become the highest version of yourself and someone who is successful and confident and powerful.

Fairycore:

You're not listening to your intuition, or your inner voice. Your intuition is important and should be heard. Maybe you're ignoring red flags in a person, or a situation. You're not listening to yourself and that is not good. You're not facing your inner world or your inner truth. Not wanting to accept or listen, not sure. But it isn't going to do you any good. Withdrawing from your inner world will lead to disbalance. Turn towards your inner self, take care of it. Focus on which part of your life is being unattended, care for it.

You're trying too hard to fit in with the crowd. Going along with the trends, doing what everyone else does, and nothing is wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with going with the flow and doing what is familiar to you, just don't put too much effort into it. Like you know the long line for Stanley Cups? (I think that's what they're called) Like don't be that desperate and plain like the others.

There will be burdens on your mind/mental health due to neglecting your inner voice and thoughts. You will end up bursting and exploding one day and it will lead to guilt and embarrassment. This will lead to you withdrawing within yourself, not wanting to go out. You'll feel tempted to give up and withdraw into yourself. Don't. Plan strategically, be aware of people around you that may not have your best interests at heart. Don't trust blindly, listen to your intuition and gut feeling. Listen and plan.

Once you begin strategically and logically planning, you will be successful (financially) and there will be better relationships in your life (platonic, romantic, etc.) You life will be more harmonious and calm and pleasant and once you've dealt with the people who don't have your best interest at heart, new better friendships will come. SO DON"T GIVE UP B*TCH!!!

Coquette:

You're frustrated because an idea for a project that you have, is not really having the breakthrough that you hoped it would. You're exasperated, tired and annoyed. I would be too. But it won't get better the more annoyed you get. Go back to the planning books/board and read over what you had planned. Proofread it, cut out a few things, add a few things, change a few things. Don't let frustration get to you here. It happens to all of us. The project simply needs a tweak. You're ambition has lead you to rush with this project, that's why it's not going the way you want it to. You've rushed the planning, so the project will be that way. Unsatisfactory. Don't rush headlong into these things, take time to prepare and plan the foundations of the project. It's almost like you're trying to grow up fast. And that's not good. Don't rush the process. Enjoy your life as it is now, before adulthood comes with its imposing responsibilities and expectations. Otherwise you'll live a life looking back into your childhood with regrets.

Because of this regret or stress from jumping into things rashly, it could lead to unhealthy addictions. You falling into darker thoughts. This could lead to times of confusion, where you're lying to yourself. Being delulu and trying to convince yourself it's not that bad. Change. Don't let your delusions get ahold of you, take a break from what you're doing and re-evaluate your work. Once re-evaluated and proper change brought, I can see you getting everything you've ever tried manifesting.

there could be a male figure (either a partner/brother or friend) will be a great help to you in financial matters. Maybe even a beginning of a romance if it is a friend and if it is a partner, maybe your love life will take a next step. ONLY if you work on the issues I've stated

[celestialholz]

Treasures, Ruined (or 'Are the Elite Four the Treasures of Ruin?')

My fellow thought-experimentee @serene-hatterene mentioned a little while ago that the Treasures of Ruin bear a passing resemblance to our Paldean Elite Four, and I agree... though I don't think it means a heel turn is coming. None of them are evil - there's been literally zero foreshadowing of any form, and I personally refuse to believe that there is a single shred of evil in Hassel specifically. This man is sunshine incarnate - he even goddamn looks like the sun, and is painted as such in Surrendering Sunflora.

No, no evil here. But I'll tell you what I do think.

The Treasures of Ruin are the Elite Four if they were to go down a very different and much darker path, hence the Dark typing.

That's a fun statement, isn't it? Allow me to explain...

We will start in dex order, with Wo-Chien, our Hassel counterpart.

This is most of Wo-Chien's lore.

Now, there are multiple things of note here:

Tablets were classically used pre-paper manufacturing to write or draw things upon - like a musician might wish to do, or an artist;

Hassel comes from a noble family, who don't agree with his life choices - whilst he doesn't seem to bear grudges in his present state of mind, it isn't a stretch at all to imagine that he could were his mind dark enough;

Plants. Wo-Chien drains plant life, and holds control over it.

... Now, imagine if you will a moment, a darker timeline: a timeline where, embittered by his family's treatment and his own musical failure, Hassel finds Brassius, and instead of healing and supporting and encouraging him as he does in our canon, leading them to a beautiful and loving companionship, he instead does the opposite: takes out his spite and his anger, leads Brassius instead to ruin and to the death he saved him from in another life.

... No, you're crying. (/j, I am also weeping, god I hate noticing things sometimes. IT'S OKAY GUYS THEY'RE HAPPY AND LOVED AND ALIVE IN OUR WORLD *ugly sobbing*)

This idea is backed up further by the fact that Wo-Chien's shrine must be opened via purple stakes - Poison, seeping into the Grass.

Oh, and as Bulbapedia points out:

... Huh. Imagine that, the emotional guy darkened due to his own feelings - or, indeed, that of our favourite Grass gym leader...

And then there's the fact that Hass' lead Pokemon Noivern nearly always starts battle by halving your HP with Super Fang... which has exactly the same effect as Ruination, the Treasures' signature move.

Anyway, let's move on, before I sob myself to sleep...

We arrive next at Chien-Pao, or our Larry counterpart.

Lore incoming...

Whilst Wo-Chien is represented by grudges, Chien-Pao is represented by hatred - and we know Larry a. hates his boss, b. hates his three jobs, and c. probably hates his life, as tired and done as he seems to be.

And so, imagine a world where that hatred, rather than be channeled into exhaustion and exasperation, becomes instead active - becomes instead a very powerful man who can apparently master types on a whim tearing down all before him, telling the world that's kept him down to bow before him. He becomes the boss; he becomes the hatred of those 'slain' by the corporate structure, and he simply sits there and watches the chaos.

Now, lovely little tired sweetheart Larry would rather eat onigiri, tell you you're very good at battling and go to sleep... but then, Hass would never drain Brassius either. It's all in the possibility, the alternate universe.

Interesting supplementary points here include:

Staraptor has the same base attack as Chien-Pao... who, like the rest of the Treasures, was patch-nerfed. It did have 130 atk, ten points higher than Staraptor;

It's represented by orange stakes, the colour of the Fighting type - Larry's one major weakness on his gym team, which later he adopts Flying types for and becomes strong against;

This man is a facade. He gives you the TM for it, he lives the gimmick... and when one tears down a facade, the person beneath is revealed. Not that I'm saying the person beneath wants to watch the world burn, but... not too tricky to imagine someone snapping under Larry's level of pressure, is it?

What's mightier than the sword, so the saying goes? The pen. You know, those things people use a lot in an office...

God, let's see if Rika can cheer us up a bit, although I doubt it given the topic... we move, then, to Ting-Lu.

The lore has this to say on the subject of Ting-Lu:

Ting-Lu represents fear: and if any of you have also sat there like me in fear for your champion prospects (and possibly life) as Rika stares you down during the interview process, I think we know why.

Fear... and control over the earth. The translation is a little more literal here, given that they share their specialist types.

Our Rika is fun and laid-back, but in another world, well... imagine a woman motivated by the fear of those before her, intimidating all who stand before her in both words and in battle, swallowing her enemies with the power of the earth. As a fun counterpoint, the Rika we know and love even says that you shouldn't find her worrying when you meet her during your gym challenge:

Couple of additional things:

Ting-Lu's stakes are green - Grass, life, swallowed whole by the ground;

Rika's rocking the classically evil red eyes;

Most of her Pokemon have the capacity to learn Fissure, which is referenced in Ting-Lu's bio.

We know comparatively little about Rika compared to Hassel or Larry, but the type-share kinda says it all here.

And finally, we reach everyone's favourite overachieving tiny sister, Poppy.

Here's some lore for y'all:

Now again, in comparison to Hassel and Larry, we know next to nothing about Poppy, but envy specifically is interesting. The kid is very clearly far too powerful for her age, and it's therefore quite simple to imagine envy-based corruption occurring - of her dominating her peers, of her envy that everyone else seems to fit in where she doesn't. Thankfully in the Elite Four she's amongst friends, but... the composition of this team, jesus. Take a look:

Kid is made of nuclear weapons, my god. The young mind is impressionable, easy to lead astray... except she's all fine and adorable, because she has structure, and an outlet for her power. Without that... well, Chi-Yu's on fire, so... I think this about sums it up.

Little bit more on the intrigue:

Mmm. Lighter. Well yeah, she would be...

There's a saying in gemology, or the sculpting of gems, about jade - what Chi-Yu's bead eyes are made of. And it goes like this:

... Like a bell? Like that one she has on her team?

Chi-Yu is represented by blue stakes, or the Water type; the tears of a lost little girl, her fieriness extinguished.

So, now we've analysed the similarities of the characters, let's take a look at the story of the Treasures.

'The king's greed', huh...

... Huh. Geeta, who owns a Kingambit, who is the Top Champion. Now, aside from Larry, who seems to just straight-up dislike her, we don't know how the other three feel about their 'king' here - but we do know from the gym leader rematches that multiple of those guys aren't fans of her hardline stance. She and Tulip style-clash, Katy resents her for having her go easy on challengers, and Grusha seems afraid of her power to oust him. She seems to be a divisive woman, and... well, it's irrelevant, because we're here to imagine an alternate universe, friends. In another life, Geeta greedily overworks her people, taking the desire she has to host the greatest League and turning it dark; in another life, grudges, hates, fears and envies lead to a world of destruction and rebellion instead of a united found family. What is a king there is a queen here, and what would our queen be able to do, if she was attacked by all four of her treasures at once? Very little.

Four treasures, one king, two worlds. We even have the people to 'seal them away' - us, Nemona, Penny, Arven, and all the rematch gym leaders, who at that point outlevel the Elite Four. After all, if the shoe fits... two of us have already have taken down all four of them.

Let's all be glad we live in the good timeline, folks, where our Elite Four are loved and wholesome.

... It's fascinating isn't it, that we've pulled up these stakes up, crumbled them to dust... released the Poison, the Fighting, the Grass, the Water... that we've all seeped toxicity into the earth, lost the fight, had the life sucked away, and doused youthful enthusiasm.

... Nah, can't mean anything. Can't mean anything that we're the wielders who have already defeated them. Can't mean anything that Geeta's name in Japanese is 'omodaka', which directly translates to 'heightened surface', like the high places you nearly always find these stakes on.

... Nah, guys. Just a coincidence. They're all perfectly lovely... in our world. Still, quite the AU, right? ;)

[circeius-invidioso]

Context

Cover art for a fanfic with fallen Sanguinius, Mephiston and Raldoron.

If you are here for bad anatomy and colors stay up.

Ignore the rest.

Cause. I have a few things I want to say that don't have to do with that 👆🏻.

If you are going to be like.

🌈🌈UwU your art is good don't put yourself down. 🌈🌈

Don't. Alright. I don't wear rubber boots or sport some fancy waders. We aren't fishing for sympathy in this house.

So.

Where were we?

Art

I am objectively talentless when it comes to art. But. It won't stop me from pursuing it.

Even though I should but that's beside the point.

In my life I have spent 500 hours (rounded out) of learning and doing art. Above is the result of that.

With all that time I must have gathered enough experience to be better. Right?

Those are a lot of hours.

But I am not. And imma prove how bad this is by pointing out every large flaw with the piece.

> Sanguinius' nose looks broken. The shadows are wrong. They just are. His face looks like rubber. His body looks... awful. Let's move on. God it hurts to look at it.

> Raldoron's face scars should have been paler and not that dark. Scar tissue doesn't look like that. His face looks like its melting but let's move on.

> Mephiston looks fucking hurt in general. Straw hair and broken faced. A lethal combo if you ask me.

> The highlights are overblown and the shadows too dark. The contrast is all over the place.

The only thing that might be salvagable are the roses and the fabric on sanguinius' cloak. That's it. The rest can take a long walk over a short pier.

I've been trying to learn how to draw faces, learn anatomy, basics etc etc. I've been trying to art as a whole. And unholy shit its hard.

Imma say it. I struggle big time. 10 out of 5 times the final product looks damaged. Like somewhere in the journey something went wrong and then the rest crashed and burned on the way to the finish line.

Thank satan I don't post those things because I feel someone might sue me for emotional damages.

I don't know how to color, and I don't know how to shade. I know nothing and every day I find even more things I don't know.

But you know what? It's fine. I don't have that artists eye, that magical ability to see as an artist sees.

I just have to try ten times as much to reach the results of those with talent. This knowledge needs to be beaten into submission and then shoved into my skull.

All I need is patience and practise.

Practise till my fingers fall off.

Until then. Imma learn from my mistakes and move on.

We fuck around and find out. Alongside cultivating an iron stomach to handle all those failures.

So from this point on imma put a counter and track how many hours I spend practising and learning every time I decide to embarass myself by posting artworks. For me, for you. For whoever finds my journey out of hell interesting.

God gives his toughest battles to his gayest clowns. Am I right?🌈🫠🌈

Total: 500

[justplainwhump]

Deal

Don't mind me, thinking about "voluntarily" acquisitions.

Content: BBU setting, blackmail, threat of deportation, abuse of office, implied dubcon.

The man sitting across from her in the tiny interrogation room frowns at her, a look filled with grave seriosity. It's ridiculous. The only reason that Morva doesn't break into laughter is that she's a better actor than him. She is, in fact, fantastic.

It's not her skill who has brought them here; it's fucking Eddie's failure. It's not the first time she needs to get out of somebody else's mess. Morva will manage. She always does.

And step one is, do not laugh in the face of a small officer in a too large suit, who pretends to give a shit.

"I've looked into your files, Ms Gholamali. It doesn't look good."

She raises an eyebrow, a hint of amusement that she doesn't feel. He's not supposed to know that name. "I am sorry," she says. "There must be a mix up. My name is Mary Ann Ellis. I'm American."

"No, you're not." There's a smugness in his smile, and this time, he's dropped the act.

Well. Fuck.

"Morvarid Gholamali. It was your birthday yesterday. 20 years old. Quite the impressive criminal record, given how short you've been in the US. Illegally."

She doesn't flinch. Just tiredly rolls her eyes and lifts her cuffed hands. "Sir," she says with a bored voice. "That's ridiculous. I'm from Maine. I don't even know how to pronounce that name you just said. Where is it even from?"

"Iran." The man gives a thin lipped smile. "You'll hear the proper pronounciation of that name soon enough. Regardless of what you say, paperwork is being processed right now. You'll be deported."

"I don't-"

"Ms Gholamali", he interrupts her.

"Ms Ellis," she corrects automatically. His Persian proununciation is a nightmare. Still, she'll prefer hearing it from him than from an Iranian border officer. Fuck. This is taking a turn she does not appreciate.

The man goes on, unimpressed. "You're a criminal. A plain boring little thief. I bet you call yourself con artist, somewhere in your head, because you fucked your victims before robbing them, but you're not special in any way. You're a criminal, you're an illegal immigrant, and we don't want you here."

Behind her fake, confused smile, Morva grits her teeth. That asshole didn't talk about the fucking part by chance, she's sure of it. Her toolbox is a lot larger than that. If he mentions sex, he wants to get somewhere with it.

Fine. She's fucked men for way less than her own fucking chance at freedom.

"I'm American," she insists, still. "You can't deport me."

"You know.... An American would have other options," he says slowly. Almost thoughtful. Almost like he didn't plan this thing from the fucking start. "Do you know WRU?"

This does catch her off guard. "WRU? The... The pet distributors?"

"They have a program for people facing jail time to sign up, as part of their sentence." The man smiles. She hates that for a second, she doesn't even want to punch him. She wants to hear him out. He nods. "They could stay here, be reeducated, do a service to society again, in a way. Get assigned an owner, live with them, be-"

"Be a pet."

"Be in America."

She swallows, as he holds her gaze and goes on talking.

"So... Hypothetically. If I were to believe you, disregard all the talk about Ms Gholamali - would the American national Ms Mary Ann Ellis take this option?"

Her mind is racing. It can't be that bad now, can it?

She's been acting all her life, she's degraded herself so often to play a role, seduced men to get into their homes and wallets. She could become a pet, sure. She'd find a way to get out of it on the other side. She could, here. She couldn't, back home.

"Ms Ellis would certainly consider it," Morva says softly, looking down at her handcuffs and back at him through her lashes. "If only you were to believe her identity."

He smirks and raises an eyebrow, gaze wandering down her body slowly. "Interesting."

It's almost a relief. This is something she understands. A game she's played hundreds of times. Never as desperate. But always successful.

She can do this.

"Is... Is there something I could do to convince you?" She bites her lip. "Sir?"

"You know what?" He chuckles and leans in, loosens his tie with his free hand. "I think there is."

[bosskie]

Molluck Study Night

Man, I don't remember when was the last time I managed to draw this many sketches in a day... Last night I studied Molluck's anatomy, so the rest of the sketches here will be about naked Molluck. But this was the last one I did since I also wanted to just practice drawing his face. I had no idea how to draw him but then I just looked at those cutscenes and wanted to draw this one because he is just so cute when he is pondering after looking at the blimps in the first part of the good ending! This wasn't easy one to draw and I actually fixed this a bit digitally since I realized my mistakes while editing the photo of this... It just feels like I still have so much to learn how to draw this Gluk... I feel like I lack of something, making me unable to ever be professional in art, but maybe I just haven't been doing enough art, studies etc...

But currently, I do am trying to improve my art since I feel like I'm just stuck and haven't really improved in a decade... So, here's some random Molluck anatomy studies, being in order I made them:

These are actually quickly made sketches, so that's how I was actually able to draw this much in one night... Though, I finished that portrait after waking up since I become too sleepy to finish it. I personally feel like these sketches only show how poor my anatomy skills are, so I wasn't even sure if I post these or not but well, still wanted to be brave and show my poor skills bare naked, just like Molluck is... This is just how I feel about these sketches... They show my real skill level and I don't think that it's good... Well, gotta just keep drawing. Though, I do still sketch a lot poorer stuff when I try to figure out how to realize my drawing ideas... Well, I guess that I could give you a look at these actually awful sketches:

All of these are made for a sketch/drawing I have posted here. (Yes, I tend to sketch stuff using Paint.) Frankly, this is how I tend to see my skills, how I feel when I look at my stuff... I know that it's not nice to see an artist calling their art bad but I just wanna be honest, like brutally honest about how I see my stuff, so here's kinda like a visualisation of how I see my stuff, at least during my worst moments... There do are moments when I do feel like I can actually draw but they seem to be just little moments and I'm soon back to thinking about that I cannot draw a thing. It's depressing and it makes me feel kinda depressed when I look at the stuff on this post but well, this blog has also kinda been about the journey I have been doing with my Molluck art/stuff, in many ways.

I'm sorry but I just cannot pretend that I loved my art... I love Molluck so much but at the same time, I just hate myself so much... I don't even know why but I just feel like my life is already a failure... Just feel like how this stuff shows how I cannot truly draw... How me being skilled is just a lie... Man, I just have so bad impostor syndrome... I feel the best when I forget myself but when I think about myself, it only depresses me... I just tend to think that every energy/time/etc. spent on me is wasted...

Even looking at the stuff on this post makes me feel worse, I still wanna post this bad art. I just don't feel like that the portrait looks great either but I tried my best and that's the main thing. I just feel so bad about myself... It feels like I'm only able to practice self-love thru Molluck, making him being kind to me while I tell myself the worst possible things... This is one of the reasons why he is so important to me... He is the one that tells me inside my head not to do it, not to end it all... Frankly, like I said some time ago, it's actually like a mundane thing for me to think about suicidal things, just nothing special anymore, it's been so long like this, over a decade... This also kinda one reason why I'm so open about my own situation, I'm getting so tired of this... To describe how awful my mind is, I can say that it has just laughed at me when I have been reading about how seriously suicidal thoughts should be taken, said how I'm not worth saving but all the others are...

But I'm still trying to fight, even I have felt like life is pointless for over a decade... The cycle of life has just felt so odd: born, grow up, (breed,) die... Like, what's the point of this all? Why to live, why to survive... Thinking this stuff was the reason why I got depressed, just don't understand the point of living, doing anything in life... Maybe it's my personality that just makes me unable to enjoy life, stop caring about this... But like I have said, I do still feel like I'm a failure, so I'll never really be anything... This is how I just feel and I don't know how to stop feeling like this... Just everything I have 'achieved' feels like mere luck or 'lucky mistakes'... I just feel like I'm a living lie, my impostor syndrome is this bad...

I don't wanna depress anyone else but my blog has kinda become like this, that I also write how I'm doing with my mind since it affects my stuff a lot and Molluck kinda just keeps my mental health 'in place'. I really had some positive things in mind to write here but I just cannot when I feel like my 'art' looks so bad right now... Well, another time then. I'm sorry but I'm just fighting for my own life with my mind... Since I more like hate my creations, I'm only able to show my stuff related to Molluck since this Gluk is just the love of my life... This was also the reason why I didn't take part in that OWI's fan celebration thing they just held, just have no mood for making my stuff more visible, show it around but here. Like I have said many times, I felt like deleting my submission to that SoulStorm tattoo contest I won, it just looked so bad in my opinion... I only wish I was able to see what the people who enjoy my stuff see... Why is my mind just trying to kill me, but there somewhere I still know that I'm not so awful as my ill mind tells me, that I do have hope, that I shouldn't take my own life... Man, brains are so odd too...

I don't wish that I end this all because of all the bad things I tell myself. I more like wish that me being open about this can help the others like me. That's why I'm also working on a game related to mental health issues like mine. Thinking about publishing/showing it makes me feel nervous though but I'm trying my best with being able to show my stuff since my life kinda depends on it... Man, why it's so difficult to feel anything positive about myself... I seriously don't know why I hate myself so much... Why I have so high expectations for myself... Why I feel like I can do nothing in reality...

[whysojiminimnida]

So What's with Jimin Lately, You Asked

WARNING THIS IS A LONG-ASS POST And please remember that this is a NO SOURCE NO RECEIPTS HOUSEHOLD OKAY. I don't know shit, I ain't confirming a damn thing, anything you read is my opinion based on maybe info or maybe utter garbage. That's my disclaimer and I am STICKING TO IT. I can't be the only one who has noticed our Jiminie looking a bit...like this, recently:

And I think I may have one reason why.

Scandals are a fact of life among idols. What in the West might be considered a normal life event is, in the world of the K-pop system, often a career-ending event. Like, IDK, members dating actual women. Or men. Or each other.

In the last couple of months, all of these things have been alleged - one of them in the press. The other two, behind the scenes. We know about Jimin's mail being stolen and the security failure there, and it's not a stretch to believe that security for BTS overall has taken a hit. It was adequate, even excellent, for years. BigHit pays very well.

But information pays better, and blackmail pays best. Lest you think "NO but that whole Taehyung-Jennie thing was a stunt"... maybe. Maybe not. Tae, actually, is one of the most scandal-proof idols in the business because he primarily or only dates women. Sorry not sorry, I said what I said and I ain't wrong.

I have said privately, if not publicly, that Hybe will NEVER DENY THOSE RUMORS because Taehyung himself will not deny them. They aren't even bothering to keep them out of the press.

Being straight or even passably so is not a problem, for artists on Bangtan's level (is anyone else even ON Bangtan's level? NO.) The Jeon-Parks, though.

See, the thing about being *gaily involved* in Korea is that... it's a problem no matter how famous or powerful you are. Idols are not immune - ask Holland.

That's Homo Hill, kids - the WeHo of Seoul. The gayest gayborhood in the entire of Korea. And famous unstr8 people are not safe, there, now.

There was a pay-for-info attempt floating around about JeiKei awhile back. And he was alibi'd for the date(s) in question. Wasn't there, wasn't him, the fakes were good but not good enough to put him somewhere he wasn't. You maybe didn't hear about it because those of us who did, didn't discuss it out loud.

More recently, though.... I'm gonna say this in public this ONE TIME and we will not speak of it again. OKAY? Okay. Sometimes people are for sale that shouldn't be. And security failure has happened more than once in the last couple of months - a problem that, I am told, has since been rectified. And I am not saying money changed hands, do not get me wrong. I'll come find you if you say I said that. But there are REASONS that Jimin and Jungkook are currently not sharing vehicles, not being seen as too friendly, are not "together" in public, not even in interviews or photoshoots. Sometimes a bit of perceived distance is necessary. I don't feel like I should or should need to elaborate.

Add to that the depth of emotional and psychological damage, it's no wonder Jimin doesn't trust anyone, very much, lately.

My favorite couple have not been seen together in public since their off period began and I don't think I need to further expound on why, unless you're completely unaware of the eyes that are currently on BTS as a whole. (Sorry, I keep deleting stuff. This is taking longer than I thought). But Jimin was the one whose security had already failed - enough that Hybe had to clean up after them.

The others have had sasaeng problems and those are constant and pretty normal business. All idols get that. But all of them are not Park "It Boy" Jimin.

So being threatened with a very real tax lien, and immediately following that even a hint of the possibility of being outed, right NOW? I've deleted a lot more than I can ever write on how gross, how invasive, that is. And that when this is his normal commute:

In the West, Jimin gets a lot of hate from cultists and we don't like to talk about that. But within the last year, a small but rude wave of anti-Jimin sentiment has made its way into Korea. Airplanes and money exist. I've been shocked at what some people are willing to do to further their narrative. If your favorite translator can afford to hit every show with their anti buddies but can't seem to remember to support Jimin's OSTs or solo efforts, ask yourself how they benefit from that and who they support and what else they might be up to that we aren't aware of. If you casually see cult-adjacent accounts that seem to somehow be turning a for-profit narrative ask yourself what loyalty that cash might be buying. It doesn't take a lot of people to crowdfund someone's entire livelihood. Maybe 1000 at $5 a month could get it done.

HELL IF I COULD COMMAND $5K A MONTH FROM Y'ALL I WOULD MOVE OUT MY MAMA'S HOUSE NEXT WEEK AND PAY MY MEDICAL BILLS.

If y'all don't have anything else going on I'll just put me up a whole Ko-fi or Patreon and write fanfiction for a damn living and YOU THINK I AM JOKING I AM NOT EVEN. My services can be bought. Most people can, if they like what they're doing and can get paid to do it. I won't lie to you for cash and I mouth off here for free but hey, a girl needs rent all right, my fanfiction commissions are OPEN.

Get up to a quarter, half-million ad-revenued followers and do the math on that kind of income.

We can't all be Ryan Kaji, Super Spy, but it ain't for lack of trying.

Now imagine a paparazzi journalist with the idea of a second and third source of cash, plus the street cred of breaking the biggest news story in K-pop history, and their neighbor's second cousin happens to know someone with a vacant window view to a certain apartment and this is how careers get shot down and reinvented much later on another continent.

That's the level of stress, I think, for all of them in general but for Jimin in particular. Maybe on a similar level for Jungkook, somewhat less so for Taehyung. The hyungs have it a little easier, but not by much.

Now add to that Schrodinger's Hiatus and other things we never know about - family stress, life in general, maybe Jimin's plumbing went out or his invisible cat got sick, we don't know everything -- how would we begin to look at our lives, in Jimin's place? Would it be worth it?

Based on his smile at MNet last night, I really hope so.

[finlaena]

2023 marked 20-odd years of me posting art online so at some point during the year, I pulled out a tried and true art meme from the early days of DeviantArt and decided to try and compile a 20 year artistic journey of some kind.

20-odd because I'd actually been posting art since 2000 on Side7, but anything before the end of 2004 is considered lost media for a variety of reasons and 2003 was the year I got my first drawing tablet (Wacom Graphire II in Ruby, btw). And thanks to the Wayback Machine, I was able to find some rarities from 2003 to use.

I honestly thought the exercise would be a good way to see how much improvement there's been and sure, there is. Truth be told, putting everything together ended up making me depressed and sad.

Depressed because of all the years I squandered by not taking things too seriously and sad because it reminded me how much of a failure I am compared to peers in my age bracket or people younger than me who have made art their careers and livelihood in professional capacities by now.

It also made me realize how much I've squandered a lot of stuff because of the subject matter: whether it be fan art (being the sort who finds drawing anything popular or trendy in a fandom to be antithetical to who I am as a creator) or original works that are just all over the place yet I want to keep them to myself because that's just how I am lmao.

If you'll allow me to vent a little, I'm flat-out rudderless if not lifeless as an artist these days. Found a nice side hobby in doing doll customization (I find rerooting to be a tedious yet godsend of a task as it keeps my mind focused on something specific) but that's just a bandaid on a bigger infection, if that makes any sense.

Like, I still can't find any joy in doing Warframe fan art with how everything is going so breakneck fast and people want to see art related to the newest content (even though I'm not really feeling it), or even Legacy of Kain stuff I'm hesitant to share because I don't know how people will receive it and I burned myself out to an absolute crisp on the Sisyphean boulder of OCs for 5 years to a point where my crankiness shoots through the roof at the thought of drawing them.

idk idk.

Maybe in another life I was somebody as an artist. Maybe if I hadn't been so stubborn, or been bold enough to pursue SCAD despite the odds being stacked against, or... bah. Whatever.

It is what it is.

[teeth-cable]

Hey. I've seen some of your HB rewrites and their pretty cool. I even like some of the ideas you came up with (ex. Stolas & Stella being political enemies rather than a married couple, imps being intersex & following a binary gender system, etc).

I was wondering if you could give me some writing advice with rewrite stuff. See, I have this portfolio-like series called 'Let's Reimagine', where I revision (i.e. rewrite and/or redesign) a piece of media (be it a show, movie, webcomic, video game, etc), whether it be something I like, or something that while I'm not a fan of, believe that it could've been great (or at least decent) had it been handled better, while also integrating my OCs (including self-inserts) into my revisions as if they were canon characters in said media. This is one of my passion projects that I'd love to bring to life someday, as I wish to make YouTube videos about them when I create my YT channel (which doesn't exist at this point in time) in the future, so for now, I'm starting small by making posts talking about my revisions on Tumblr & Reddit as like a practice run of sorts (like for ex. creating a manga and then having that manga get an anime adaptation, or creating a comic (like a webcomic) and having that be adapted into an animation of some sort (ex. series, short(s), etc), or creating a book or novel and having said book or novel being adapted into a movie and/or series).

I'm also an aspiring writer who wishes to share their stories with everyone for them to enjoy, including 'Let's Reimagine' (where Helluva Boss is one of the shows I plan on reimagining, due to the many issues it's got, especially with the increase of them in Season 2; as much as I like & enjoy HB, I do have to agree that it's kind of a mess, and I get where fans are coming from with its criticisms, especially towards Season 2). However, there are some issues of mine that I feel could detriment my writing abilities & projects (including 'Let's Reimagine') in general (ex. not thinking about potential plot holes, inconsistencies, worldbuilding/lore issues, & questionable/weak/bad writing choices/ideas, rushing into things before thinking & planning stuff out, worrying about my stories not being good enough for anyone to enjoy, feeling inferior compared to other artists & writers, people hating what I make, and thinking the worst possible outcomes; apologizes if that got a little too personal and if I (potentially) made you worried; I suffer from anxiety and have a tendency to get anxious and worked up too quickly, especially when thinking negatively, and trying to be a perfectionist, worrying that if I or my content aren't perfect, then I come across as a failure; but I assure you that I am trying to work on these issues and getting past them for the better).

So, with all that said, do you have any advice in creating & doing rewrites/revisions (ex. planning stuff out, character arcs/development, worldbuilding/lore, plot points, fixing & covering plot holes & inconsistences, fulfilling wasted/missed potential & missed opportunities, avoiding questionable/weak/bad writing choices/ideas, integrating ocs/self-inserts into said rewrite/revision, etc) to any writers out there (including aspiring ones)?

Feel free to respond back to me whenever you get the chance. Thank you and have a wonderful day/afternoon/night. 🤗💕❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖💕🤗

This is very late, I'm so sorry it took me this long to answer your ask.

Things has changed sufficiently from when this ask was submitted. My HB rewrite is on currently on pause so I can focus on my Hazbin one instead.

I do like the concept of your Let's Reimagine series. It sounds like a fun passionate project in which you experiment with your writing and show tough love for the shows you're rewriting for. I hope soon you'll be able to release your first rewrite for the series.

I have some general writing advice and one specific advice for rewrites I personally use.

Create the world building first

If your rewrite takes place in a fantasy world, I suggest fleshing the world building first before the characters. This is a different world from our, so their rules and lore will affect these characters differently, and you should know why first to explain the certain elements of the both the characters and world. Fleshing the world building first can help create plot ideas and external conflict easier.

Have a Beta Reader

This one is standard. I suggest having a beta reader to review your rewrites and concepts. As writers, we think our stories make sense because we know the context, but to readers who don't know anything, our scripts realistically be confusing at first. Along the same vain, they can help you realize that an idea is underdeveloped or useless. Another good reason is they can offer new and improved concepts and ideas you didn’t or wouldn't think of before.

Be open to criticism

Criticism will help you grow as a writer. You don't have to like them all or listen to every piece, but still keep an open mind because they can and will help you. I heavily suggest being open to criticism specially when you’re writing a topic you have no experience in (Ex: mental illness, addiction, a specific identity). Again, not only will it help you improve, but also portray those topics better.

Rewrite

My only rewrite specific advice is to expand and flesh out ideas and characters, you felt the original show skimmed over. In both of my rewrites, I'm putting a greater focus on the world building, dark character concepts and how they intertwined with each other because the shows barely touches on them. It's your rewrite so do whatever you want with it, don’t feel limitless.

I hope this helps!

[archiveofkloss]

vogue: “Karlie Kloss and Tabria Majors Discuss the Physical Toll (and Joy) of Motherhood” by Audrey Noble

“Are you by chance part of the mom tribe?” Karlie Kloss asks me over the phone. It’s a natural—even expected—start to our conversation about the model and entrepreneur’s latest campaign for diaper brand Coterie, which is all about celebrating the physical journey of motherhood.

Though I am very much in my single, child-free era, motherhood is something that I hope is in the cards for me. And it is Kloss’s and fellow model and Coterie campaign costar Tabria Majors’s palpable excitement on my respective phone calls with each where they gushed about their little ones that strengthened my resolve to have a family of my own one day. (So much so, that I may or may not have enlisted their help to manifest it for me). Simply put: They love beings moms.

“It’s the greatest experience in my life,” Kloss tells Vogue. “I mean, maybe it’s the hormones, but it just gives me the greatest joy every single day to wake up and have these two little delicious humans whom I just love so much.”

“It’s just crazy to see how much she’s changed and seeing her little personality developing,” Majors says of her six-month-old daughter. “Just seeing her laugh all the time, it just warms my heart.”

The campaign, which debuted in early February, features Kloss (who invested in the Coterie late last year); Majors; board-certified pediatrician Dr. Mona Amin, MD; celebrity nail artist Mei Kawajiri; and influencer Reese Blutstein, sharing their pregnancy stories in hopes of inspiring others who might be struggling with the changes to their bodies—which is a topic that isn’t often spoken about.

Studies show that the rib cage can expand two to three inches and ligaments can stretch between the second and third trimester. According to the Mayo Clinic, the heart pumps 50 percent more blood to nourish the baby, while the American Academy of Dermatology notes that hair loss is prevalent in new moms. When you pair systemic failures in proper reproductive education with societal expectations to look “perfect” 24/7, many might feel confused and discouraged when witnessing their bodies go through major changes.

“You kind of just have to trust the process. I have learned to love and respect my body through this process, and with that comes changes,” says Kloss. “Of course, I have all the things like stretch marks and all the fun post-baby body things that I’m not mad at. They make me who I am, and I’m so grateful for that.”

Pre- and post-pregnancy can be a lonely experience, even if you are lucky enough to have a full support system. Which is why Majors says sharing pregnancy stories is important to help people feel less alone. She tells me about the outpour of love and support from fans over her birthing story has been an emotional, yet beautiful experience. She even recalls one woman messaging her and saying that her story encouraged her to proceed with her own home birthing—something that Majors says she will never forget. “I just thought that was really powerful and inspiring for me,” she says. “That just makes me feel really good that my story could impact somebody in such a way.”

It would be remiss to not acknowledge that the launch of Coterie’s campaign coincidently coincides with news of the Alabama Supreme Court ruling that embryos created through in vitro fertilization (IVF) are considered people, putting the legality of the procedure into question and further harming reproductive health care. The fight to protect reproductive rights is at the forefront during what is shaping to be a contentious presidential election year. These issues are not lost on either Kloss or Majors, who both intentionally pick brand partnerships that not only align with their personal beliefs but can also help make a difference. Both credit Coterie for creating a safe space for women to advocate for themselves.

“[I] hate that our bodies are being policed; I don’t understand how that’s even a thing. It makes no sense,” says Majors. “I think that’s why it's important for these partnerships to happen. [But] even outside of partnerships, you don’t have to be paid to speak up. You should just want to speak up naturally because this affects everybody on such a macro level.”

“It’s an individual's choice if and when they’re ready to become a parent. This is such a profound life change in every way and I think it should be an individual’s choice if and when they’re ready for that,” adds Kloss. “It [has] only reconfirmed my passion and commitment to fighting for reproductive rights, certainly in every state in this country.”

I ask them what’s the best mom advice they’ve received, and both give two truths that could be applied to all facets of life: Trust the timing of the universe and trust yourself. “You just have to learn to roll with the punches,” says Kloss. “Motherhood is messy and amazing. I think [it has] actually been so important for me to be more comfortable with not being able to control everything because that’s just the way it goes.”

“Trust your gut, trust your instinct,” adds Majors. “Especially as a first-time parent, you think that you don’t know anything (and you don’t), but you figure it out as you go along. And even if you didn’t research yourself to death, which I know everybody does nowadays, you will know what to do. You will figure out what to do. Your instincts will kick in, and it’s just a crazy feeling.”

Noted for my future self.

[icedmetaltea]

Talking about stuff

Really contemplating leaving tumblr for another site in the near future... does anyone know a good substitute? Like, on one hand I love this site, but on the other hand man. I've been getting way less notes lately. I can't help but feel like it's my fault, that either I've been posting too much and am annoying people or my art/writing has gotten worse. Same issue with ao3 so leaning on the latter possibility.

I know it's selfish, but it's not like I'm the only one who feels this way. Lots of artists and writers have been complaining about the discrepancy between likes/reblogs. No matter how many followers I've gotten over the years, the success of any piece of art/writing will depend on who reblogs it and when, and how many reblogs it gets in general. If it doesn't get enough it quickly gets swept under the rug like it never existed.

A single piece of art or writing can equate to many hours of work on my part, and if it's barely seen it's like... why bother.

I know it's selfish, I know there are still people who reblog and comment and everything, and truly I appreciate it, more than anyone could ever know.

But I also just feel like an annoying failure who never stops talking and that people would prefer if I was gone. So they can look forward to seeing stuff from the real artists, the real writers, the people who actually have talent.

I want to be someone people see and are able to feel happier as a result... right now I just feel like a burden to not only everyone in my life (hence why I've been distracting myself by drowning myself in art lately) but also you guys.

I know I'm not just a source of entertainment, I know I shouldn't care so damned much about what others think, and again I know I sound really fucking selfish to worry about all this, but it's been eating at me so much lately.

So I see a couple options.

Take time away and let the water run clear so to speak then abuse the fuck out of the queue so I stop mass reblogging (a nasty habit of mine, surely annoying to many)

Move to a different site, if there are any where I won't feel like such a speck. Idk. Maybe I'll feel like that everywhere.

I guess I could rectify that side blog idea I had a while back so asks, headcanons, doodles, non-fnaf posts and whatnot, just keep this up for main art/writing. Kinda leaning toward that rn. Less spam, less annoyance.

Just disappear for good. Delete it all. It's been a thought in the back of my head for a long time anyway. Start new somewhere else. Or just draw/write for myself. I also don't want to make any rash choices atm cause I know the past 3 months have been hell and I'm not thinking clearly. I've been depressed as fuck and I may regret choices I make right now. But what if I don't? Maybe I'll be better for it idk

[hadesfromspace]

jrwi riptide ep 94 spoilers

I've been thinking a lot about Gillion and his relation to art and this episode felt like a gut punch to me because of this line:

"I'm bad at drawing and writing and creating."

I understand the artist's imposter syndrome of "i'm bad at drawing and writing i can't do good art" but he's saying that he's bad at CREATING. And I firmly believe that he was taught that by the elders.

Because we know that Gillion does art! Canonically! It was for one episode only (i think) but in episode 17 he pulls out a water-proof scroll and starts drawing the jellyfish! That is a sign that he's drawn before, he's used to drawing under water with scrolls but he just doesn't anymore! Why?

Yknow i'm still not really sure on how Gillion's backstory works and when exactly he was taken by The Elders, but i imagine that he got into art while training under The Elders, around the same time when he still took lectures and studied. Water-proof scrolls filled with notes and doodles of leviathans and cool sea creatures, sometimes whole scrolls dedicated to just drawings. Maybe not straight-up masterpieces at around 10~12 years old, but he drew a lot and put a lot of work in them. He had a hobby that he enjoyed.

And this did not go well with The Elders. They couldn't have a Chosen One who didn't spend every waking hour of his life training, and instead wasting precious scrolls on drawing pictures. So they start critiquing him on them. Discouraging him from drawing at all, telling him to use his time on something useful like training and practicing. Soon they start telling him that he's just not cut out for it. He's made to be a warrior, not an artist. A soldier, not a poet.

He's bad at creating.

And he doesn't pick up the pen after that. He discards his scrolls, probably throws out his artworks. Every single one of them. Tears them up, shreds them to pieces. He doesn't want to be reminded of another one of his failures, he doesn't want to be reminded of something that he thought he was good at. But after he gets kicked out by them, he goes to pack his things in a hurry. And he takes the scrolls out of an old habit from around his school days, stuffs them in his bag and rushes out, not thinking about it further.

I really want to see Gillion start to embrace his artistic side more and more once time goes on. The picture book was such a big step in that direction, and I think that the two rolls on performance really felt realistic; he drew the first one and he immediately felt that it was horrible, and he rips it off. The second one was a little bit better, but he still insists that "If you don't like it we'll just burn it." when he hands the book over, because he doesn't appreciate his art anymore. He doesn't appreciate the things he does because in his head, he can't create. He's bad at creating, he's a soldier and not a poet. A warrior, not an artist.

And I want him to find that spark again, to create and do art. Shitty art, mediocre art and good art. I want to see him create more things, slowly but surely getting out of the mindset that he's not good enough to create anything. Because that's not true.

TLDR; i get emotional over fish guy having creative imposter syndrome, something something he's a poet forced to be a soldier, i am going to strange every single one of The Elders fuck you you gave a perfectly good fish anxiety

[definitely-not-the-kgb]

It is long political post time, motherfucks

Today's heart attack:

Situationism

Now, I wouldn't be able to determine whether it is a leftwards radicalisation of the anti-consumerist right, if it is a counter-cultural movement to the consumer culture of the post-war economic boom, or if it is a rightwards degeneration of anti-capitalism to fit the Overton window of its time. In doubt, we'll use the prior under the assumption that a counter-cultural movement to consumerism existed before the economic boom and that Situationism is a byproduct of that movement.

So, for the sake of this post, Situationism is, in and of itself, a leftwards radicalisation of the anti-consumerist right in the specific ambits of art, advertisement, and commodity culture with a background of -at least partial- class consciousness.

With the definition out of the way, let's get to the juicy parts:

Situationism and philosophy

Situationism believes that Marx did not concentrate thoroughly enough on the philosophical aspects of capitalism, and -in a way- that may be considered correct, as Marx mainly addressed the practical incoherences and material failures of the capitalist system. Despite that, I would say such a material analysis is intrinsically philosophical.

Capitalism is not evil due to its inconsistencies or failures but for its design and consequences: Both factors are born of the liberal philosophy of the 18th century that gave birth to the concept of modern industrial capitalism. Capitalism is born of philosophy, and -consequently- any critique of capitalism is a critique of the liberal ideas and conception of liberty that moulded it.

I am not trying to say the Situationist analysis of the system of capital is incorrect, but that it is misguided in its interpretation of what capitalism ultimately is. And while the theory of isolation and fulfilment perpetrated by capitalism is correct, it falls entirely within the Marxist perspective of nature and is implicit in the belief that capitalism aims to bend the meaning of the word "humanity" for its goals.

"Situations"

Situations are, according to Situationist literature, "a moment of life concretely and deliberately constructed by the collective organisation of a unitary ambience and a game of events.". In this, we can see the use of dialectical Marxism, as the term "Situation" then started meaning a more general merging of life with art, with the principal example of the Paris Commune as a "Revolutionary Moment".

The concept of Situations, in my eyes, is one of the few entirely good characteristics of Situationism, not necessarily from a political point of view, but a more human one: it allows us to perceive the "Revolutionary moments" not as "Failed Revolutions which the damn anarchists praise" or "Perfect examples of why my specific ideological current is perfect above all others", but as small steps that the leftist movement has historically taken that prove the theory of material conditions and from which we can learn as we wait for the next time those conditions fully develop. 

Détournement and "Anti-Capitalism"

In addition to the worldview and theory of Situationism, one must logically analyse its praxis: A praxis funded on an individualistic and artistic approach to small-scale revolution, not to overthrow the system but to reject it. The use of capitalist tactics against the system of capital itself cannot destroy the system but can ridicule it, which is something we can see abundantly on the internet nowadays since even on the right, many people hold anti-corporatist, anti-consumerist, and anti-monopoly beliefs that they turn into Situationist protest through things like memes.

The "Anti-Capitalist" beliefs of the Situationist movement become, through the use of inefficient means of fight, ridicules and critiques that do not affect the system of capital but that make people more prone to understanding the system and its flaws: In this, Situationist praxis becomes not a way to overthrow the system of markets and spectacles, but a way to raise awareness of its incoherences and failures.

Arts and Politics

Another Situationist praxis is the rejection of non-political and bourgeois art and its usage for societal critique and analysis. What do I have to say other than this praxis is a little short of perfect? Arts should be the means people express concerns, ideals, and passions, and they should refer to politics and current events. This type of praxis naturally ties to what I previously stated regarding awareness and class consciousness.

"Work, leisure, and play" and Psychogeography

The concepts of "Work, leisure, and play" and Psychogeography are very similar in nature to the Philosophical critique of Marxism by Situationists, meaning that they are fundamentally Marxist concepts that have been restructured from a different perspective and misunderstood as products of Situationism.

The "Work, leisure, and play" concept is one of the most jarring contradictions of capitalism: it is the same concept Marx talked about concerning the dichotomy of profits and wages under the capitalist system.

Psychogeography can be seen not as a purely Marxist thought but as a shared view of the Communist Left and Centre: the National Ways to Communism. Psychogeography, as such, ends up being nothing more than the theory of the praxis of leftist view, turning into the study of what those ways could be for each psychogeographical group (the nations as defined by Stalin).

Conclusions

To sum up this analysis:

Situationism is a very interesting ideology that does a great deal to bring revolution in people's everyday lives, but its critique of Marxism suppresses its Marxist inspiration. The tendency of the Situationists to both take from Marxism and then criticise it until they express their equal thoughts as separate and unique brings the ideology to artificially moderate itself into protest and a refusal to comply rather than a shot to overthrow the system.

I am all for the revival of the Situationist movement, but -this time- it ought to be openly Marxist and instead of being inspired by it, it must be its direct extension into the arts and the lives of the people.

I'm sorry if it ended a bit more confusing than it began, but I'm tired and in a hurry now.

[hidras-tiny-cave]

Journal Of A Human Failure

Part two: I am Hate personified.

I love too much.

I love too much but violently, aggressively. Things only feel like love if there's hate in it and hate doesn’t feel like love.

Love doesn’t feel like love, it feels like “like”. “Like” is not enough. Its never enough, I always need more, I always want more. I live in desperation for a saving, a savior.

I live, praying for an angel to bring me salvation. I am self aware, aware of how twisted and dangerous I am. But I cannot help it, I cannot stop it. I do not want to stop, i want more, I’m not satisfied. I’ll never be satisfied. So I will keep hurting others, just I will keep loving in the most unhealthy way I can think of.

Things don’t feel good if it isn't a rough, hateful touch.

I don’t need kindness, i don’t want kindness, I want hate, I want abuse.

I want to be just like I was when things were good. I want to go back to how it was before, when I lived with mom. I don’t ever want to see mom again. I want to give up all humanity I have left.

I want to keep writing nonsense, to go back and forth without making a real point.

I don’t want to sound special, I don’t want to be seen as an artist, a genius of modern literature.

I want the words to be raw, senseless, as gross as can be and I want others to hate me for it.

I hope people look at my poems, my pages, my words, and think “that's terrible, that's bad, it cant be worse”.

Because it could be worse, but I don’t have the talent to make it worse.

Isn't “the worst” simply the best but from a different perspective?

I'm bad enough by myself, and my “self” is seen through my work.

You’ll hate it, and I’ll smile at you. You’ll think “you disgust me” and I’ll say it back to you with a joyful expression.

Your disgust fuels me to keep going, your sharp hateful gaze makes me want to get worse.

So does your hopes of me being good, deep inside. I’m not good, I’m a bad person, rotten work.

Mom said I was rotten work, dad said it too, and so did God.

I sat in church, praying for the urges to go away, praying for my sinful thoughts to disasppear.

God said to me: “you wont erase it, you wont be forgiven, you have become the sin, you are the sinner, you are the core of hate.”

And that was when I realized it.

God was right, but he spoke to me, said I was a lost cause.

I was the chosen one. Nothing else mattered! I was the one, the bad one, the bad guy, and there was no point in even trying to make life better! My actions were justified by my nature, my actions may have had consequences, but it was all justified.

But then, could I really be considered bad? Was I not just following my destiny? Wasn't it God’s fault? It must've been someone’s fault! It couldn’t be me! If we all followed fate, then I did not have free will, i was simply following a made up path in wich God guided me! Then why do you hate me? Why do you not simply get it? Why is it okay if you follow your destiny but its not okay if I follow mine?

[byebyebriar]

“You liked this before you knew it was AI so you must admit it’s good!”

No? I don’t have to like something if all the reasons I liked it are false?

I like art because of the effort that goes into it. It’s hard drawing perfect circles! Shading is difficult! Sculpting is incredibly easy to fuck up! I love being in awe of someone’s skill.

There is no awe for AI. I feel exactly as much awe at someone’s AI work as I do finding out they copy and pasted from a different artist. They put the same level of effort in after all.

Frankly, I give art a pass to suck because failure is necessary to improve. I know that the sloppy shading and messed up hands is somebody’s doing the terrifying step of putting their work out there for judgement. Who am I to throw stones?

AI has no such person. There is no beginner’s dreams to crush. So, yeah. I’m going to be way harder on a piece of art if I know that my stone is going to hit a computer chip and not flesh.

That’s not even getting into the removal of the conscience and sub-conscience! I don’t like art because it looks neat. I like it because someone wanted something enough to make it a reality!

I like finding the clues put into art! The Easter Eggs and hidden meanings! The satire of real people/politics and the artists slipping past censures because fuck the Hayes Code! Half the fun of art is wondering if the artists knew they were flying their freak flag or if it slipped out like an octopus.

The relationship to the art is half the piece and half the puppet master. AI generated shreds that relationship. The only context for the art is that this is the mathematical average of the prompt.

And…it’s fucking sad? Like, nobody chose the details. Nobody weighed their options (what does culture say about this flower? Is the main character too close to a real life person? Am I out of the color blue? Does the dragon slap?) and made a choice. It’s all just averages with some rules thrown in so porn and copywriter stuff didn’t pop up.

The image you got putting a prompt into Midjourney was always going to be that image. The reply you got from OpenAI was always going to be that reply.

There is no person. There is no free will creature making a choice. There is just the mathematical predictions that were always going to spit out that option because that’s all they can do.

So yeah, I’m going to continue to think AI generated content sucks. Give me the person using their free will and daring to try over it any day.