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therainroguefanfiction · 4 years

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🌀 Storm Coming (A SKET Dance Fanfic) Chapter 3: A New Determination

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Previous Chapter

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That night, I tossed and turned, unable to grasp sleep for more than ten minutes as a time. Kevin’s words kept repeating in my mind like a ghostly echo. Being in a foreign bed, in a foreign country certainly didn’t help, either. So much had happened in such a short span of time and my body wasn’t handling it well. I wanted to go back to Florida. I wanted the comfort of my eight-year-old mattress and the cheetah print comforter my grandma had given me for my twelfth birthday. I wanted my room, with its dark walls covered in anime posters and random things I thought were cool at the time.

More than anything, I wanted security.

I rolled over onto my side. The red digits on the clock shined through the darkness like angry eyes. It’s only two in the morning? It felt like I had been lying here for ages. My gaze moved to the window. The tan shade had been pulled down, covering all but a small portion of the glass at the bottom. From this angle, I could just make out the darkness outside.

I forced my eyes closed. I needed sleep. Without it, my anxiety would be even more out of control.

It felt like I was lying there for hours with my eyes closed, but I refused to open them, I refused to move. If my body wouldn’t co-operate, then I would force it to sleep.

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My eyes fluttered open but quickly closed at the bright light shining directly on them. Shit, why is the sun so friggin’ bright? I forced myself into a sitting position, glaring at the small stream of sunlight filtering through the uncovered section of window. Man, I really hate the sun. I glanced at the clock, taking in the numbers that glared at me. Seven-thirty… I guess five or six hours isn’t too bad.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed, the carpet soft against my bare feet. I stretched my arms above my head, stifling a yawn as I headed for the bathroom down the hall.

I tried to ignore the mirror on my left but it was huge and I found my eyes snapping to it like a magnet. My hair, as black a raven’s feathers, was sticking up in all directions and looked greasy even though I had taken a shower before bed. I briefly wondered if I had sleep-walked my finger into a light socket. There were bags under my eyes, a combination of stress and fitful sleep, my green eyes dull and tired.

I pinched my cheeks, tugging them away from my face before releasing. My face is round and chubby, like a soccer ball. My nose is big, my eyebrows are bushy. I glanced down at my body, poking my stomach that had the quality of jello. Most Japanese high schoolers are thin and pretty, aren’t they?

I hung my head, turning the water on as I washed my face. I’m going to stick out like a sore thumb in class.

My eyes widened. W-Wait a minute… I’m talking like I’m going back to school… had I made up my mind without even realizing it? I looked back at the mirror, surprised to see the determination in my eyes. I gripped the edge of the sink, my mind made up. I wouldn’t let this chance slip by me!

When I stepped out of the bathroom, the smell of eggs and bacon reached my nose, making my stomach whine. Kevin was at the kitchen sink washing the dishes. Two plates of scrambled eggs, bacon, rice, and toast were sitting on the living room table, covered by plastic wrap to keep them warm.

“Good morning…” I said softly.

He smiled over his shoulder at me, turning the water off and drying his hands on the dishtowel perched on his shoulder. “Morning, Sammy. Did you sleep okay?”

Not at all, but I didn’t want to tell him that, so I just nodded. He motioned for me to take a seat before pouring out two glasses of orange juice and setting them on the table before sitting to my left.

“Were you… waiting on me?” I questioned.

“Of course! A family should always eat together!” He smiled, sticking his index finger in the air.

Together? My brow furrowed as I carefully unpeeled the plastic wrap from the plate. I couldn’t remember a time when mom and I had eaten together. Rarely did we cook our own food because she was always busy and I couldn’t be trusted not to burn down the house, so we usually just ate TV dinners or canned food. Occasionally she’d bring home some fast food, but we usually took it and went to our own rooms. There were no set meal times – we just ate whenever we felt hungry.

When was the last time either of us had even sat at the kitchen table?

I glanced at Kevin, who clapped his hands in front of him (“Itadakimasu!”) before digging into the food. Judging from his joyous expression, he really loved food, both cooking and eating it.

He noticed my gaze and frowned, lowering his plate. “Do you not like eggs? Alissa didn’t say anything about food preferences. I should have asked, but I was a bit… blown away at the time.”

“Ah, no… no, sorry.” I bowed my head and took a spoonful of eggs into my mouth. W-What is this… I’ve never tasted eggs that tasted this incredible before. I didn’t even know eggs could be this good, I didn’t know that someone could change the flavor of eggs so drastically. Without hesitation, I began to shovel the rest of the food into my mouth.

Kevin laughed and I froze. The flavor of the food had made me forget he was there. God, I must look like a pig. “I’m glad you enjoy my cooking. It’s something I’ve always prided myself on.” He took a long gulp of the juice before setting it back down, his hand lingering on the glass. “I was really worried about it. Alissa let me walk into this completely blind. She didn’t tell me what food you like or dislike, she didn’t mention any allergies either. It’s pretty important, so I assumed you didn’t have any, but I chose eggs because the likely hood of being allergic to those is very low.”

I lowered my spoon as I glanced at him. I thought I had been the only one that was going mad with worry about this situation, not wanting to step on his toes or burden him, but… he had been worrying about it, too, he just hid it better than I did. We’re complete strangers living under the same roof… we’re on the same playing field.

“I… I don’t mind eggs,” I mumbled, shifting slightly. “I… I hate onions, but onion powder doesn’t bother me. I can eat onion rings, though… mom always said that was weird.”

“The cheeseburgers last night had onions on them.” He stated, softly. “But you ate them because you didn’t want to upset me.”

I nodded, taking the last spoonful of eggs.

“Well, no more of that. I want you to feel comfortable being honest with me, no matter what it is, and I’ll do the same to you. Is that a deal?”

I chewed, thoughtfully for a moment. “So… If I become… too much for you, you’ll tell me… right?”

Kevin smiled softly, resting his hand on my arm. “You will never become ‘too much’ for me. Did you know I’ve always wanted a child? But I wanted to wait until I was financially stable and had gotten married. That way, my kid would grow up with two loving parents in a stable home. I didn’t want my child to grow up in a broken home like I did.” He paused, his thumb rubbing over my skin. “I’m not sure what came over me that night, the night I met your mom. Maybe it was the way she carried herself, the confidence she exuded.”

I studied his face as multiple emotions flickered through his eyes as he recalled the memory of that night.

“She was flirting with me all night and showed a genuine interest in me and my life. At one point, she even told me that she could picture us getting married and having a family.”

I held back a scoff at that comment. One thing my mom would never allow was for her to be tied down to a man. She loved the attention, but she refused to be in a relationship. There were always men asking her out, asking for her hand, but she always turned them down. To be honest, I’m surprised she kept me. I briefly wondered if she had tried to get rid of me but failed. I didn’t linger on that thought.

“I was a bit tipsy and completely smitten… After that night, I didn’t see her again, but we kept in contact over the phone. I tried to meet up with her several times, but she always had some excuse as to why she couldn’t see me. Eventually, I gave up on thinking we could have something, but I couldn’t bring myself to completely cut her out.” His eyes met mine and I saw the warmth and sadness in their depths. “I’m glad I didn’t because I might not have met you.”

My eyes widened as tears began to well up in his eyes.

“To think that I had a beautiful daughter all this time. I… I missed your first steps, your first words. I wasn’t there to comfort you, to protect you, to let you know that you were loved and wanted.”

Tears fell down my cheeks, matching the tracks against his own.

“I’m so sorry, Sam. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most…”

I don’t know what came over me, but my body acted on its own. I flung myself at him, clutching tightly onto his shirt like my life depended on the contact. I sobbed into his chest, his arms holding me close. Even though he was crying, too, he still comforted me, telling me it would be okay.

“I-I-It’s not your – your f-fault,” I sobbed.

His grip tightened. “I promise you, Samantha, I will make up for the lost time. I will protect and comfort you when you cry. I’ll be here for you, always and forever.”

“I-I promise that I will… I will change!” And in that moment, for the first time in my life, I felt confident that I could change, that I would change.

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“You can do it tomorrow?” Kevin glanced at me and I nodded nervously. “Tomorrow works for us, thank you so much for this, Karamatsu-san. See you soon!” He hung up the phone and smiled at me. “Okay, he’s going to set up the placement test for you.”

I nodded again, feeling my chest growing cold as my anxiety started to grip my heart. Now that it had been finalized, I was beginning to have second thoughts. I wasn’t sure if I could do this. I wasn’t even that smart, there’s no way I could pass.

A warm hand rested on my shoulder and I met Kevin’s warm eyes. “Don’t worry, you’ll do fine. I believe in you, now you just have to believe in yourself.”

Believing in myself was a subject I most definitely failed at, but… I didn’t want to let Kevin down. He had done so much for me in the short time I had known him, and he was so happy to have me in his life despite the trouble that I bring. I… I want to make him proud.

“I… I’m going to go study!” I announced, jumping up and heading to my room. I sat at my desk, opening my laptop, but I could only stare at the text entry field on the browser. What the hell am I supposed to search for? I typed in ‘placement test’ and got a bunch of results for college so I added ‘high school’ to the end. Several practice quizzes came up.

I clicked on the first one. Let’s see how bad this goes…

After about twenty minutes, fifteen questions and a bad headache, I finished the online test. I hovered the mouse over the results button but hesitated. What if I got them all wrong? No, I’m not a complete idiot, I had to have done decent… right?

I clicked the button and the results came up. Eight right and seven wrong. I winced at those numbers. Most of the questions I had gotten wrong had been math questions – my worst subject. I would be able to pass the test with this? I guess… even if I fail it’s not the worst thing in the world. I’ll still be allowed in as a first-year.

With a sigh, I grabbed a notebook from the drawer and began to search for free online study materials. I didn’t have much time, but I was determined to learn at least something before tomorrow.

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#storm coming #series #sket dance #anime #tsubaki sasuke #sasuke tsubaki #writing #creative writing #writeblr #scenario #scenarios #anime scenarios #anime scenario #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfics #anime fanfic #anime fanfics #first person

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dontfeedthebear · 4 years

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Today’s menu!

Breakfast: 1 overeasy egg, slice of toast, 1 tsp butter, 1 nectarine, cup of coffee with 1tbsp milk + 1tsp sugar. (304 cal) Lunch: 6 veggie pizza stuffed mushrooms over a bed of brown rice. (241 cal) Dinner: Cream of wheat, 2tsp brown sugar, 1/2 grapefruit. (295 cal) Snack: Pickled cucumbers and peppers (30 cal)

TOTAL: 870 cal.

Yes, I am having ‘breakfast’ for dinner. Why? I work night shift, and that ‘dinner’ is actually going to be had at about 7:00 am.

My way of doing things is going to be weird to most people that read this, since I live my life like a nocturnal little gremlin. I’ve never been big on eating in the mornings, I’ve always been a night owl who slept in past breakfast time... I just can’t seem to make myself eat in the morning and if I do, it definitely can’t be anything heavy like burgers or chicken. It just feels wrong.

Some people might ask: “What fad diet are you following?”

The answer is: None... I’m simply eating normal food at the correct portion size. (and counting calories because there’s no losing weight without math apparently.)

I got the idea to diet when I was browsing an antique store and found a really pretty dress from the 1950′s. Waist sizes were an average 11 inches smaller than average waistlines today.

Most old clothing is pretty small, and while it’s to be expected since the 20′s-40′s were a period of scarcity and doing without, the 1950′s were actually an upturn. People had money and they were consumers again! Yay capitalism!

It was also a period of dubious culinary experimentation. I will never, ever let an ‘aspic’ touch my lips. Leftovers are fine. Jello is fine. Together? They make the worst matrimony of both spongy and slippery textures. I imagine it’s a lot like eating boiled slugs gone cold and I will not waste food or time on such revolting endeavors...

So how did they stay so skinny, despite eating jello molds of foods laden with lard, butter, sugar, gluten and everything bad that today’s diet gurus preach against? Simple. Serving sizes were smaller and people actually ate from 7 food groups not the 4 we have today. There were also more veggies and fruit in their diet! Shocking concept I know.

Our food pyramid has changed drastically from that 1950′s model and several times in the last few decades. The 1970′s brought on the beginning of the end to tiny waistlines: the lowfat, high carb diet came into fashion and our waist lines exploded. Turns out that lowfat isn’t exactly the healthiest diet after all. (Not to mention that insipid eggs & wine diet that Vogue reprinted. How vile the bathrooms must have smelled afterwards!)

I have noticed while studying about diets that the trend is to idolize one ‘superfood’ or to gravitate to one type of food group. Atkins, Fruitarianism, anyone? That shit has to stop. We are omnivores, evolved with the teeth and everything. We need a balanced diet, which means a rotating plate of protein, fats, starch, vegetables and fruits. The fad diets need to end, because they are literally killing people. Talk to a doctor if you want to go on a special diet. Not some holistic nutjob though, please.

Anyway...

My mother was an awful cook. She was the product of a household that just cooked to fill your stomach up and not really about making something that tasted good or was actually good for you. Quantity was the name of the game in my grandmother’s household. I barely remember her meals whenever I visited, most of it was boxed or frozen. My mother continued that trend, sadly.

I associated home cooked meals with rubbery, overcooked chicken, dried out fish fillets, tough as leather pork chops and chewy, stringy cuts of beef. So I lived off sandwiches and snacks like chips, cakes, and cookies. Not to mention my biggest weakness: Soda. I drank liters of the shit at a time and I could not tell you if I ever drank a glass of water as a kid and not be made a liar. I’ve probably permanently damaged my kidneys and liver from filtering coca-cola for years. (how my teeth survived this long is a miracle!)

I always hated pork and fish. I was extremely picky about beef too. Chicken was on thin ice, but I only liked it fried or smothered in cheese. I ate a lot of pasta, rice, and bread.

It clicked for me when I went to dinner at a friend’s house and her parents cooked salmon. I was paralyzed with the fear of being rude but salmon was the number one fish I despised. It was like eating tuna from a can but served hot and with a strong biting aftertaste. So I took a small portion with the intent to gag it down and fill my stomach with some rice.

Imagine my consternation when the salmon was soft, delicate and not ‘fishy’ at all. It tasted of butter, lemon and salt and I think I ate two helpings of it. Puzzled, I asked them what kind of salmon it was-- they said frozen sockeye, which really confused me because that was the same thing my mother used.

Eating my mother’s salmon the next week confirmed my fears: She couldn’t cook and I didn’t hate certain foods. I just couldn’t stomach her cooking. I think mom had a deep fear of food poisoning, which is why she cooked every piece of meat in our house to death. I never asked why and I never told her how I felt and she lives in ignorance of her failing every day. (My siblings know though, I caught their blank 50 yard stares when we visited her a few months back and had to eat her shoeleather porkchops.)

I was not confident in cooking for myself either, because I didn’t have anyone to teach me. Youtube wasn’t around at that time-- and even if it was I didn’t know about it. Ah, the infancy of the internet... I’m so glad the information highway has expanded today because now I have taught myself quite a lot of things besides how to actually cook a slice of meat or bake a cake.

Times have certainly changed, sometimes for the worst. But a free and open internet is one thing I hope never changes, because I want to learn how to sew next.

#Daily calories #yes I know it's under the reccomended limit but it's to offset my cookie binge #don'tfeedthebear #weight loss #fat

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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705

You have $5 and need to buy snacks at a petrol station. What do you buy? That’s like ₱200 which is already quite a lot of money for a convenience store, so I’d get the foreign junk food since they’re always a bit pricier than local ones. I imagine myself reaching for Pringles and Lays. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be? Probably one of the more mysterious deep-sea creatures that live in the dark and up to like 500 years old and look more like rocks than animals. I hate not knowing the unknown, so I’d like to be the unknown hahahaha. Who\'s your favorite redhead? Becky fuckin’ Lynch. What do you order most off the internet? Usually just Christmas gifts. I never buy anything for myself. Last book you read? It’s a book on the fast food industry that I had to read for my business reporting class.

Describe the last time you were injured? I tripped on a wire and gashed my knee real bad. It happened in an area that was still under construction and the floor wasn’t refined at all yet, so it made the gash deeper and bleed more. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with? Gabie if I wanted to stay calm and get out in like 5 minutes; JM or Aya if I want to be kept laughing throughout the whole time we’re stuck. Rock concert or symphony? I would love to go to a symphony. I’ve only ever been to concerts. What is the wallpaper of your mobile phone? Here ya go:

Fizzy drink? No thanks. What type of top/teeshirt are you wearing? An old one from high school. Most recent movie you've watched at the cinema? It’s been a while but Knives Out was the most recent one. Name an actor/actress you've had the hots for? Kristen Stewart. What's your favorite kind of cake? CHEESECAKE What did you have for dinner last night? We had my mom’s binagoongan. Look to your left, what do you see? I see the other side of the couch and the living room wall. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nah I never do. Favorite toy as a child? Cash registers and cooking sets. The more buttons/features, the better. Do you buy your own food? Before the quarantine started I’d buy some meals for myself, usually dinner because I often get home late and there’d be no food left at the dining table at the end of the day. I usually get my breakfast and/or lunch from home though. Do you think people talk about you behind your back? Everyone talks about everyone behind their backs. When's the last time you had a sour gummy worm? A few weeks ago when Andrew brought a tub to school and he let us have some. What's your favourite fruit? Egh I hate all fruits but I’ll give an exception to avocado. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel? No. Have you ever eaten snow? I have not. What colour are your bedsheets? Currently they are blue and yellow. What's your favorite flower? Peonies. Have you ever done ballet? Yup, I did lessons when I was 5 but I didn’t last long because my body just didn’t carry the predisposition for ballet. It was very difficult to train me and my body was naturally on the stiff side. Do you listen to classical music? Sometimes. I haven’t had a classical music phase in a while, but these days I’d listen to the symphony that was featured from Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Do you watch Spongebob? I love Spongebob but like I don’t actively seek it out to want to watch it these days. Some days I’d watch a couple of episodes for the nostalgia factor but that’s it. Last food you ate? Pork belly, salted egg, and rice. Do people consider you intelligent? You’re gonna have to ask ‘people.’ What time is it? 12:49 PM. Is your messenger on? Yep, it’s always on. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together? No but I’ve spread glue all over my palm to peel it off after, heh. What curse word do you use the most? Fuck and all its variations. Do you own an iPod? I technically do but I haven’t used it in years. I’ve also lost the charger so I dunno if I could still even revive it and see what kind of music I listened to in high school other than punk rock, if there’s anything else. What time is your alarm clock set for? Back when I was still going to school I’d set it for 8 AM everyday. What CD is currently in your CD player? Also haven’t used a CD player in years. What movie do you know every line to? Titanic, Two for the Road, The Proposal, and High School Musical. Are you in love right now? Yes. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? I dunno. I think so. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 22. Do you enjoy giving hugs? Only to people I’m incredibly close with.

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach? Last night. What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? All my names are easy to pronounce - the only time I’ve seen my main name misspelled or mispronounced is at Starbucks. I’ve been called Ruben, Roben, and Roleen by baristas :/

#survey #surveys

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marvelxreader · 6 years

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Secrets - Part 3

You’re best friends with Ned and MJ. You’re really bad at making friends, but then they introduce you to Peter and there’s just something about him that you can’t explain. Who knows? Maybe you’ll actually get along with this guy.

Disclaimer: very fluffy and a few curse words, but oh well

Word count: 1,9 k

Y/N = Your Name

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

You were talking on the phone to MJ about last night, but decided not to mention the kiss. You assumed it wasn’t important anyways, since you haven’t heard from him after he left you standing there.

„I‘m really glad you‘re getting along with him, Y/N“

You just hummed in response, trying to hide the fact that you only told her half the story.

„Wanna hang out later?“, she asked you.

You would love to, but you knew Peter would be there as well and the thought of seeing him made your stomach turn.

„I can‘t, I still need to finish my science project. Sorry, MJ“, you said, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

„Alright then, see you tomorrow“

And with that, you hung up.

————————————————

You were scratching Tessa‘s favorite spot while watching the News.

„Spiderman put an end to a late night robbery at 1:15 am earlier this morning. He has reportedly fought 3 people trying to break into a cashpoint at the Queens Community Bank. Due to unknown circumstances, the Deli-Grocery on the other side of the street caught fire during the fight. While Spiderman was busy with the criminals, Iron Man rescued the owner of the Deli and his cat. Both heroes at the same time, in the same place? Doesn’t seem like a coincidence to us. Does this confirm Spiderman as a new member of the Avengers? We‘ll have to wait and see!“

And then it clicked. The sticky webs he made in chemistry class, him constantly leaving out of nowhere, the red and blue „sweater“ in his backpack yesterday and the „internship“ with Tony Stark. Your jaw dropped to the floor as you realized that Peter Parker, the boy you couldn‘t stop thinking about, was actually Spiderman. A wave of mixed feelings washed over you. You understood why he had to leave after the kiss, but you were still disappointed. It was the middle of the night and your apartment was a 45 minute walk away. What if something happened to you on your way home? You asked yourself what he would have done if you were the one who needed saving, but your thoughts got interrupted by the doorbell before you could think of an answer.

You got up and answered the door, Tessa following you like a shadow and to your surprise, Peter was standing right in front of you with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. You rolled your eyes and let him in.

„So, an internship huh? I don‘t think ‚internship’ is the right word for fighting bad guys and saving people with Iron Man, but maybe that‘s just me“, you said sarcastically, walking back to the living room, leaving him there with an open mouth.

„Does May know? Do Ned and MJ know? Or am I the only person on earth who didn‘t know that you‘re Peter during the day and fucking Spiderman at night?!“, you raised your voice, losing control for a moment.

Peter was just standing there, not saying a word, still holding the flowers in his hands. He was shocked that someone had figured out his biggest secret.

„I‘m sorry to break it to you, but if you came here to just stand in my hallway in silence, you can leave again“, you hissed.

„How did you find out?“, he said with a calm voice.

„You weren‘t hiding it very well. You make your webs in chemistry class and let them explode everywhere, like seriously? You told us about your ‚internship‘ with Tony Stark and suddenly Iron Man has a new sidekick? Come on, you don‘t have to be Sherlock to find out“

He nodded at your words, realizing his mistakes.

„To answer your question from earlier, no. No one knows, except for you and Mr. Stark and I don‘t want to change that for now“, Peter said.

„It’s a wonder that no one else figured it out yet, you‘re hiding skills are absolute trash“, you chuckled.

„I‘m actually here to apologize for yesterday. I would love to have stayed, but now you know the reason why I had to leave..“, he held out the flowers to you.

You looked at him, contemplating whether you would forgive him that easy or not.

„What if something happened to me while you were busy beating up three guys at a bank? You knew how long the walk back home would be, you live on the same street. You left me alone in drenched clothes at Central Park in the middle of the night, Peter“

Your words felt like a knife to his chest and you could see the guilt in his eyes.

„You‘re right. I‘m so sorry Y/N, I should have brought you back home safely. This internship is so important to me and I get a bit carried away with it. I won‘t leave you like this next time“

„What makes you so sure that there will be a next time?“, you asked him.

„Well, I was hoping we could spend some time together again“, he said shyly.

You smiled at him and accepted the flowers.

„You‘re lucky you‘re cute, Parker“

You hugged him, his big arms pulling you closer and you felt like he was going to crush you.

„You‘re suffocating me“, you chuckled.

„I‘m sorry, I‘m just so glad you‘re not mad at me. It feels good to have someone to talk to, thank you for understanding“

He looked at you lovingly and gave you a quick kiss on the forehead.

„I really could get used to this“, he said and you hummed in response.

————————————————

The two of you were discussing Einstein‘s theory of relativity while walking down the street towards your apartment, a bag of chinese take-out in your hand. The sun was about to set and Queens looked it‘s best in the golden hour.

You were standing in front of your apartment door, turning the key in it‘s lock. You went inside, got two pairs of cutlery and left the flat again.

„What are you doing, babe?“

„First of all, we‘re going to eat on the rooftop. Excellent view and it‘s golden hour, so it’s even more beautiful. Second of all, ‘babe’? Do you call that Mr. Stark as well? You know, I don‘t want him to get jealous or anything“, you jokingly said, earning a chuckle from Peter.

You got to the rooftop of your apartment building, stunned by the view once again. It just gets you every time.

You sat down on the edge with your legs hanging from the building, opening your box of fried rice.

„Isn‘t that a bit dangerous, so close to the edge?“, he asked you with a worried expression on his face.

„Oh come on, I‘m here with a goddamn superhero. Also, I think you‘ve done way more dangerous things during your ‚internship‘ than this“, you winked at him, patting the space beside you, signalling him to sit down.

„Hm, you’ve got a point there“ he mumbled while making himself comfortable next to you.

The two of you ate in comfortable silence, watching the sunset.

„So, how did this all start?“, you asked him.

„A spider bit me a few years ago and after that, I gained spider-like abilities. It was scary at first, but after a while I got the hang of it and decided to use it for good and fight crime in the neighborhood“

„What do you mean by spider-like abilities?“

„Well, I‘m strong and fast, I can climb walls, I heal a lot quicker than most people and my senses are just an absolute mess. It‘s like they‘ve been dialed to eleven“

„That sounds crazy.. Wait a minute, do you lay eggs?“, you looked at him with big eyes.

„What? No, of course not“, Peter laughed at your question.

„Thank god“, you exclaimed, „Have you met all the Avengers yet?“

„Actually yes. I‘ve already fought against half of them and believe it or not, I stole Captain America‘s shield“, he said, obviously proud of himself, „but enough of me. I want to hear more about you, Y/N“

„I‘m really not that interesting“

„I‘ve never been more interested in anything else“

You blushed at his sweet answer. What you had with Peter was something different. It felt like you‘ve known each other for a lifetime, but you don‘t even know his middle name. It was kind of weird, so you thought of some random things about you.

„I love Pizza, but I hate cheese. Pizza is literally the only cheesy thing I eat“

„Are you insane?“, he chuckled, „Tell me more“

„There’s nothing more fascinating to me than the universe, but I get really bad existential crises when I think too much about it. Also, the moon looks best when it‘s shaped like a toenail“, you looked at Peter, afraid you might bore him too much. He concentrated on every word though, so you kept going.

„My first pet was a hamster named Totoro and I still know the words to every song from High School Musical 1, 2 and 3. MJ and I used to watch it multiple times a day and we still sing the duets together sometimes. The only time we‘ve had a slight ‚argument‘ was when we both wanted to be Gabriella, so we forced Ned to sing Troy‘s part“, you laughed at the memory and Peter chimed in.

„Oh man, I wish I knew you back then. I would have happily been your Troy“, he said with a smile, looking at you.

„You certainly would have been a better choice than Ned, because that boy can‘t sing for shit. And don‘t get me started on his dancing..“, you chuckled.

You kept talking as Peter noticed little things about you. The way your eyes change color in different lighting, how your nose scrunches up when you laugh and the way your voice gets a bit higher when you talk about something you‘re passionate about.

„..And that‘s the story of me breaking Ned‘s nose by accident, but according to your expression you’ve already stopped listening to me about 5 minutes ago, so what‘s the matter?“, you pulled him out of his thoughts.

„Huh? Sorry, I was just.. thinking about something“

„Jokes on you, because you‘ve just missed a great story. What were you thinking about?“

„This probably sounds really cheesy, but you‘re just too stunning, it distracted me a bit“, he blushed and looked away.

„You‘re right, a bit too cheesy for my taste“, you said, intertwining your fingers with his, „but still cute“

He looked up at you and leaned in for a kiss, as you saw something suspicious on the street below you.

„No time for making out, there’s a lady getting robbed“, you said in a concerned voice, pointing down.

In an instant, Peter got his suit out of the backpack and changed into it. He climbed down the walls of your apartment building in a matter of seconds, catching the robber just in time, while you called the police.

Peter shot a web at him, so he couldn‘t escape before the police arrived and while the burglar stuck to the brick wall behind him, Peter made sure the lady was fine.

You knew this wasn‘t a big deal for him compared to the other things he has done, but you‘ve never felt so proud in your entire life and you had to admit, this was the moment you fell for Peter.

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker fanfic #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman imagine #spiderman fanfic #marvel x reader

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megwritesfanfiction · 6 years

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A/N: … This update happened by a miracle. My sinuses are all messed up, and I’m pretty sure I have bronchitis but I haven’t been defeated yet!! Let me know what you thought. Until next time friends… <3

Disclaimer: I do not own Boku No Hero Academia/My Hero Academia this is work of fiction that I am not making a profit off of.

Chapter One: Tumblr Chapter Two: Tumblr

Chapter 3 Chapter Summary: Did babies really need all this stuff?

He took slow steps down the aisle in shock as he looked at the items.

Katsuki had enough common sense to know that babies needed food, clothing, diapers, and medicine, but he hadn’t realized it was this complicated. He never noticed diapers came in sizes, not that he ever needed to know that particular information.

As much as Katsuki hated professional development days, they did come with one small benefit.

Regular hours.

Hero work wasn’t a normal nine to five job. There were times he’d start a shift at eight o’clock in the morning only to return home the next day tired, bruised, and expected to report back in twelve hours. There were times where he’d finish a shift only to called back before he could step foot outside.

Professional development days were different. Sessions started at eight o’clock in the morning, finished by five, and he was home before six. He didn’t have to worry about last-minute emergencies or paperwork from a robbery that took place fifteen minutes before he was officially off the clock. Once the presenter ended the session, he was free to go.

As long as his agency didn’t summon him for a last minute shift.

He wasn’t on call this week so the chances of them asking him to come in for the shift were low but not nonexistent. “Tadaima,” Katsuki grunted out, slipping off of his shoes as he entered their apartment. He shrugged out of his jacket as he walked toward the kitchen.

He found his wife perched on top of the kitchen counter like a little bird. Legs softly bent and feet planted against the granite top, Ochako sat hunched over the cutting board resting between her legs. She lifted her gaze from the carrots she was butchering clumsily, greeting him with a small smile, “Okaeri.”

“You know it’s much easier to just stand in front of the counter like a normal human being.” This wasn’t the first time he’d caught her sitting on the counter to use the cutting board.

She carefully set the knife down, leaning over to plant a soft kiss to his lips. “It’s easier,” she chuckled against his lips and kissing him once more.

“You’re not even that short.”

“It’s not about being short,” Ochako reminded him as she picked up her knife again. “This is more comfortable.”

He shook his head, “You won’t be saying that when you cut your leg.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she huffed with a little smirk as she continued to chop. She definitely would be able to do this in a couple months. “How was your day?”

“Eh.” Katsuki didn’t really want to talk about the seminars he attended. The images of those frightened children still sat at the forefront of his mind along with the unsettling list crimes that had happened recently. “Same old shit,” he muttered, snatching a piece of carrot from her board.

She laughed, sliding the pieces into the bowl, “Get any good swag?”

“I got you a pen and a water bottle.”

“Yes!” Ochako had an irrational love of free merchandise from vendors tables. Neither one of them needed another water bottle. There had to be at least twenty of them stuffed in the cabinet above the stove but that never seemed to stop her desire to keep taking them.

“So,” he started slowly. “You get in touch with your doctor?”

“I did.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded, picking up a potato and placing it on the board.

His eyes drifted over her carefully. “Well?”

“Well,” she sighed, looking at him with a small frown. “I can’t get an appointment until next week.”

“What?!”

“They don’t have anything available until next Thursday.”

“That’s bullshit!” he shouted, folding his arms across his chest. “What the hell are you supposed to do until then?”

Ochak shrugged, sliding the chunks of potato into the bowl. “There isn’t much that needs to be done right now-”

Katsuki could think of about a thousand things they needed to do at this very moment.

“I’m probably about two months pregnant. It’s still the first trimester, and this is about the time a lot of women have their first prenatal visit anyway,” she informed him as she slid off the counter. “She emailed me a bunch of information-” Ochako’s head was still swimming after reading only a fraction of the pages sent. “Told me to get some prenatal vitamins, eat small frequent meals during the day to help with nausea-”

“What did she say about work?” he questioned eyeing her carefully.

“I’m on office duty for at least the next year.”

“No patrol?”

“No patrol,” she told him sadly as she took out a pot and placing it on the stove. “She encouraged me to stay active but anything that could cause someone or something to hit my stomach is out of the question.”

Katsuki figured as much. He moved behind her wrapping his arms around her waist and placing a kiss on her neck.

“I also need to avoid anything that increases my risk of falling, high altitudes,” Ochako listed as she turned on the flame. “Deep sea diving.” Basically, anything that involved her doing her job as a rescue hero wasn’t an option.

He nodded, placing his chin at the crook of her neck. “You gonna talk to Ryukyu tomorrow?”

“No.” Ochako relaxed into his arms allowing her head to rest against his chest. “Doctor said she’d send the agency a generic medical excuse to keep me out of the field until the end of my first trimester.”

“Why? I don’t understand why we can’t just tell people you’re pregnant.” He’d already let it slip to Deku.

“Because,” she huffed. “We need the doctor to confirm-”

“For what? The doctor seems pretty convinced.”

“I know-” It had barely been twenty-four hours and the two of them were changing their lifestyles as well. “I trust the test too, but it doesn’t feel real yet.”

The test she’d taken last night had been the only thing to help confirm her condition. Nausea and morning sickness had only succeeded in making her feel gross and not pregnant.

“Plus people don’t know we’re married and now I’m pregnant, and,” Ochako inhaled loudly, drawing in a slow deep breath. “It’s a lot.”

His hands dug underneath her t-shirt allowing his palms to press against her flat stomach. “I know. It’s a lot for me too.”

“Yeah?” she questioned, turning her head toward him as she laced their fingers together.

“Yeah.”

“The doctor said a lot of women wait until they finish the first trimester before telling anyone they’re pregnant, so I figured we could take the next month or however long to absorb all this,” she whispered, nudging his cheek with her nose.

Seemed reasonable.

“And tell people we’re married.”

There was also that.

“It would be nice for me to start using Bakugo instead of Uraraka before this baby comes.” Officially, she was a Bakugo. They’d updated the family registry after their small ceremony, but she’d yet to actually use the name.

“Using Uraraka doesn’t make us any less married.” Katsuki hadn’t really cared too much about her using her married name.

“No,” she hummed thoughtfully. “But I want us all to use the same last name. You, me, and baby.”

The idea that it would no longer be the two of them still sounded so strange. “Okay.” He pressed a kiss to the side of her of her face. “You making cheater curry?” he questioned, releasing her from his arms and looking at the sauce mix pack on the counter.

“Whatever, it’s still good,” she told him tossing the oil and chopping onions in the pan. “And it’s quick. I figured we could take leftovers to work tomorrow for lunch.”

“Your stomach going to be okay with this?”

She laughed, “We’ll find out.” Ochako had only thrown up two more times after he left. “I think my stomach has settled for the moment. I’m actually hungry.”

“What’d you eat today?”

“Um, after you left I had some crackers and ginger tea, doctor said ginger would help with nausea. Also told me to get these ginger candies, but...” she shrugged adding the carrots and potatoes in. “I also had a couple pieces of cheese.”

“What cheese?”

“The cheese with pepper flakes in it.”

“The stuff I use for my eggs sometimes? You don’t even like it!”

“I never said that.”

Katsuki snorted, “Okay.”

“I said the pepper flakes were weird, but it looked really good so I had it with some of your beef jerky for lunch.” She poured water into the pot and placed the lid on.

He’d get on her about nutrition later. In this moment, he was just grateful she actually ate something while he was gone and was going to be eating real food for dinner. “How much longer is that gonna be?”

“Mmm,” Ochako peeked into the pot with a little shrug. “I dunno. The potatoes are gonna be a while, and I still need twenty minutes for the rice. Why?”

“Text me what the doctor told you to get. I’m going to run to the store,” he told her, placing a hand on top of her head and kissing her forehead.

“I figured I could get it tomorrow on my way home from work.”

“Might as well get it now.”

Stretching to her toes, she pressed a kiss to his lips, “You sure? I can get stu-”

“Aren’t you supposed to take those vitamins every day?” he questioned, eyes narrowed with concern.

“Yes, but I already take a multivitamin every day so I figure I’ll switch to the prenatal ones after tomorrow. No big deal.”

“Tch.”

“The doctor just said to get them as soon as possible.”

“Which is why I’m going now.” Katsuki kissed her one last time before heading toward the door. “Text me your list!”

xxxxxxxxx

Katsuki had found everything on the list no problem.

Crackers.

Ginger tea.

Ginger candies.

Peppermints.

Mouthwash.

All items he’d purchased before, but now they were specifically to help with Ochako’s morning sickness.

He sighed, basket clutched in one hand as he looked at his phone with the other. He just needed to pick up the prenatal vitamins. Tucking his phone in his pocket, Katsuki moved through the aisles toward the health section. Katsuki found the vitamins stocked on shelves across from infant supplies.

“Holy fucking shit,” he muttered, stepping down the aisle.

Did babies really need all this stuff?

He took slow steps down the aisle in shock as he looked at the items.

It made sense.

Babies came in all shapes and sizes just like adults. But in the few seconds he glanced at the store’s supply of diapers, Katsuki was able to about five or six different diaper sizes.

He picked up one of the packages examining it.

Would they really need to get all of these?

“Hey!”

“What?” he barked startled. The plastic packaging crumbled in his hands as he turned his head to the source of the voice.

A small child with big blue eyes and dark brown hair stared up him. “You’re Ground Zero aren’t ya?” he asked, tilting his head as his little eyes studied his face.

Katsuki’s brow made a stern line across his forehead, “You’re not supposed to talk to strangers, kid.” He narrowed his eyes at the boy, hoping his glare alone would send him away.

“So you are Ground Zero?” the kid questioned again. “Because if you are, you’re not a stranger. I’ve seen you on tv, and I know your name.”

“Where are your parents?”

“You can’t answer a question with a question,” the boy told him with a firm nod. “My mama says it’s rude.”

“I’m sure your mama also said for you not to talk to strangers,” Katsuki growled lightly at the child. “Or for you to run off in the store.”

“For your information, my mom told me to wait for her at the end of the aisle.” The boy grinned up at him, clasping his hands behind his back as he bounced on his heels. “Are you-”

“Yes.” It was obvious the kid wasn’t going to move. “I’m Ground Zero.”

“Whoa!” he marveled, eyes widening as he looked at him. “I didn’t know heroes went grocery shopping! That’s so cool! Do all heroes go to the store?”

Katsuki rolled his eyes, sighing tolerantly. “We have to eat, kid.” Though he was pretty sure he would have screamed if he ran into All Might as a child in the grocery store, so he couldn’t be too hard on the kid.

“Why are you buying diapers though?”

“Huh?” He looked down at the diapers he still held.

“I didn’t know you had a baby…”

“I don’t!” Not yet. “Look, kid,” Katsuki tossed the package onto the shelf, exhaling as he faced the kid sternly. “You didn’t see me holding that stuff.”

The boy frowned, “Why?”

“Because-” How was he supposed to explain this to a five year old? Katsuki didn’t think this kid had the power to spread rumors about his unborn child, but he’d already messed up and told Deku. “It’s a secret.” He didn’t need to screw up twice.

“What is?”

“Why I’m here.”

“Why are you here?”

Were all kids this nosey or just this kid? He couldn’t recall being this inquisitive as a child. Loud, yes. “Because I’m getting some stuff for someone really important.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Ochako was the most important person in his life.

“I don’t understand why diapers and groceries would be a secret but-” His little face wrinkled thoughtfully. “Okay. I won’t tell anyone,” the boy decided, holding out his hand. “I promise!”

Katsuki grunted, accepting the little hand and giving it a small shake.

“Haru! Where are you!?”

“Uh oh,” the child whispered, slowly lowering his hand.

“Haru!”

“That’s my mom. I gotta go.”

Katsuki looked down at the boy, “What? You said she told you to wait here for her.”

“Well,” Haru drawled, nervously shuffling his feet as he looked at his shoes. “She told me to wait at the end of the aisle for her, but she didn’t say which one.”

Katsuki shook his head, forcing himself not to smile. “Come on, you little-” He probably shouldn’t curse at random people’s children. “-brat. Let’s go find your mom!”

“Cool!” Haru grabbed his hand, leading him out of the aisle. “Will you take a picture with me too?”

This kid was absolutely ridiculous. “If your mother says it’s okay.”

“Yay! I’m so happy I went exploring in the supermarket! If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have seen you. This is the best day ever! All my friends are gonna be so jealous because I’m going to get a picture with Ground Zero.”

He almost liked the kid.

“Do you know Shouto? He’s almost as cool as you. Does he buy his groceries here too?”

Nevermind.

To be Continued...

#kacchako #kacchako fanfiction #bakugo x uraraka #katsuki bakugou #uraraka ochako

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hoodiehan · 6 years

Text

The Purge - Stray Kids Imagine (Part 1)

Synopsis: Once a year, the government commences the annual Purge. A night where all crimes, including murder, are considered legal for 12 hours. Many try to survive the night while others go out to make sure that people don't survive the night.

Genre: Thriller, angst

Pairing: Stray KidsxStray Kids

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: Death, violence, guns, murder, basically this is pretty horrific

Hyunjin stood next to his parents posed in the same old form; straight back posture, forced smile on his lips, and hands folded in front of his body. The cameras flashed in his face as his mom and dad waved politely smiling at all the new reporters and journalists as they ended the conference meeting about their plans for ending the purge. In the back of the room, he could see his best friend Changbin waiting for him to end the meeting so that the both of them could go get something to eat.

Hyunjin came from an anti-purger family meaning that every person that shared the same blood line as him were against the purge. They were against the idea of any crimes being allowed for 12 hours. The Purge wasn't just a night where people could go out and steal as much money as they wanted from a bank . No, it was a night where any murder was allowed. Where any torturous revenge and cruel intentions were to be legal for only 12 hours out of the entire year. Out of the 8,760 hours in one year, only 12 of them needed to make a drastic difference in the nation.

Hyunjin let out a sigh of relief once the security guards ushered him and his family off the stage signaling the end of the press conference. Finally, he could go out with Changbin. He hadn't eaten all day and was dying to get some meat in his stomach.

"Another successful meeting?" Changbin asked when Hyunjin approached him. Just like Hyunjin's family, Changbin was an anti-purger as well. He found no benefit in all the slaughters that occurred during the Purge and all the crimes that were committed. If anything, he thought that the aftermaths of the Purge were far worse than the actual Purge itself; hospitals that were overcrowded with victims from the night beforehand, the cleaning of the streets, all the family members grieving because of lost loved ones. Changbin despised the Purge with every fiber within him. He swore that he would never Purge and that he would do whatever he could to end it.

"I suppose," Hyunjin shrugged off his blazer and traded it for the bomber jacket that was offered by Changbin. "Another press conference is another step to the Purge ending."

"Soon enough, we won't have to live the through another Purge night again. Your parents seem to be close to their goal of ending the purge," Changbin remarked leading the way to his parked car.

"Yeah well, we can only hope that we don't have to live another 12 hours of fear again," Hyunjin said stepping into the passenger side of the car with Changbin sliding into the driver's seat.

"Speaking of which, are you ready for tonight?" Changin said referring to this year's annual purge.

"Of course. When am I not," Hyunjin let out a small sigh and gazed out the window staring at all the buildings that Changbin drove by.

It's just another year. Another 12 hours. Another night that he just has to survive.

Felix and Chan went through all of their duffle bags double checking their supplies.

Guns. Check.

Ammunition. Check.

Knives. Check.

Bandages. Check.

"Just a couple more hours. You ready for tonight, mate?" Chan asked clapping a hand on Felix's shoulder.

"Yeah. I'm ready. Another year, another 12 hours spent trying to save people," Felix said gazing at all the weapons that were laid out in front of the two.

Felix and Chan were boys that would never have the heart to kill someone. They much preferred to wound someone than the kill. The two boys were also anti-purgers. They despised the Purge with all their heart. But every year, when the 12 hours of legal crimes were commenced, both of them would go out to save anyone they saw and to protect any potential victims.

"Felix, listen," Chan said staring at the younger boy with sincerity. "I know that every year you say that you're down to do this. But you don't have to do this every year either. We can always skip this one year, or you can always just tap out of this entire thing now. I won't judge you, and I'll always try to protect you."

Felix smiled a little, appreciative of his older friend's caring nature. "Chan, don't worry. You tell me this every year too, y'know. We're in this together. If we don't go out tonight, then that's probably 10 lives lost that we could have saved. I want to do this."

Chan nodded, his gaze flickering between the younger boy and the plan that they had taped to the wall. The plan for the night that had told the two boys which areas they were going to focus on protecting, and what to do in case of an emergency.

Chan zipped up the duffle bags and made his way out of the room. "Alright well, come on. Let's go get something to eat before tonight. We can't be running around on empty stomachs now, can we?"

Seungmin was most definitely scared for tonight. He hated the Purge and every year he dreaded having to think "just survive the night". Seungmin sat in his dorm room, elbows resting upon his knees as he pondered all the possibilities and outcomes that could happen as a result of tonight. He could lose his friends, he could lose a family member, he could be another one of the body counts too. Anything was possible, and for him, it was hard to be optimistic during a time like this.

"Hey man, you want tamales or eggrolls?" Jisung asked walking into Seungmin's room holding bags of processed food in his hands.

Seungmin scrunched his eyebrows together. "Those are two foods that are on opposite sides of the food spectrum."

"Yeah well, it's all we got after Woojin ate all of the fried rice. And it's too late to go out now, unless you want me to die on the way home from the market," Jisung joked as he plopped down onto the seat next to Seungmin.

"Dude," Seungmin groaned, not laughing at Jisung's joke.

"What? It was funny. Come on, man. You always worry every year. But every year, we always walk out fine. We have the best security system in the whole building. Woojin's money didn't go to waste ya know," Jisung said waving the bag of egg rolls in the air for extra emphasis.

"You're right, you're right. I'm just still worried. What if we someone hacks into our system and gets into the apartment? What is someone comes banging on our door for help? What if-"

Jisung held a hand up in the air causing Seungmin to pause his speech.

"Those are very good 'what if's'. All of which are not going to happen. Lighten up, dude. It's gonna be alright! If not, then we have my guns to protect us," Jisung said standing up.

Seungmin's eyes widened. "What? You have guns?"

"Yeah," Jisung smirked. He rolled up his sleeves and flexed his arms. "These guns," Jisung poked his flexed biceps and nodded at the younger boy with a cocky expression on his face while sticking his tongue out of his mouth.

"Oh my god," Seungmin groaned, slapping a hand to his forehead. "That was... Disgusting. Get out of here."

Jisung laughed and skipped out of the room waving the bags of tamales and egg rolls in the air. "Dinner will be ready in twenty!"

Jeongin looked down at his watch and picked up his pace.

Oh no, he was going to be late for dinner. He wasn't going to make it home on time. His mom is going to be so mad at him if he doesn't-

Jeongin stopped and looked at his watch one more time. It was 6:59 pm. One more minute and then it would be time for the Purge.

Eyes widening, Jeongin wrapped his jacket closer around himself and picked up his pace. Soon enough, he was sprinting through the streets trying to make it home even though he knew that he wouldn't be able to make it home. His house was a good 15 minutes away, and he only had a mere couple of seconds left. Stopping, Jeongin scanned his settings trying to look for a hiding place. If he couldn't make it home, then he'd have to at least have to make do with where he was.

Jeongin's lip quivered as he realized the gravity of the situation. Tonight was the Purge and it was very plausible that tonight would be the last night that he lived.

Looking to his side, he noticed an apartment building that was open. Putting in all his energy and effort, he ran towards the building in hopes that there would be at least one family that would take him in for the night.

All of a sudden, the all too familiar sound of emergency broadcasting alarms blared throughout the city.

"This is not a test. This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the U.S. government.

Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed.

Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning until 7 a.m., when The Purge concludes.

Blessed be our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn. May God be with you all."

It had begun.

Seungmin and Jisung were sat on their living room couch with the television on in front of them. The broadcast system announcing the start of the Purge had played on the tv a couple of minutes ago. Woojin was walking around the apartment double checking the locks and blockades on the windows, doors and any possible entryways.

Seungmin's leg constantly shook as he bounced it up and down in anticipation for the night. His nerves were getting the best of him, and no matter how positive he tried to think, he just couldn't.

Jisung looked to his side to see Seungmin nervously biting away at his nails and bouncing his leg. Calmly, he laid a soft hand on Seungmin's leg, immediately stilling it as Seungmin looked at Jisung with a wide gaze.

"It's going to be okay," Jisung said looking into Seungmin's eyes trying to calm him down. Slowly, Seungmin nodded and placed his hand in his lap turning his focus to the cartoon that was being played on the screen in front of them.

"Okay, boys, and that is the last lock-" Woojin said sliding the lock into place on the front door.

Both Seungmin and Jisung let out a small sigh of relief as they felt a sense of security falling over the two of them.

"We just have to stay here for a couple of hours, not let anyone in and-" Woojin was cut off by banging on the front door. All three boys jumped in surprise as they didn't expect anyone to come so soon. Muffled pleas were heard on the other side of the door as more fists were hit against the door.

Cautiously, Woojin crept towards the monitor screen that was placed next to the door way and viewed whoever was drawing all the attention to their apartment. Turning back to look at Jisung and Seungmin, he whispered, "It's a boy."

"What? A boy? Hyung, don't let him in. You never know," Jisung advised standing up to look at the monitor too.

"He's so young though. And it doesn't look like has anything on him," Woojin responded looking at the screen to observe him.

"Yeah, but during a night like this, you can never be too sure- wait. Isn't that... Yang Jeongin?" Jisung asked looking at Seungmin who was still sitting on the couch.

"What?" Seungmin asked. Getting up, he approached the monitor trying to confirm if it was him or not. Seungmin let out a gasp. "That is him."

"Jeongin? You know this boy?" Woojin asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I go to school with him. I'm in the same class as him," Seungmin answered still staring at the screen in shock. "What is he doing outside though? I thought he was smarter than that."

"Please let me in! He's right behind me!" Jeongin begged, pounding on the door.

"Hyung, we have to let him in. Please. He's good, I swear," Seungmin said turning to Woojin.

"No. We're not going to let anyone in," Woojin said after pausing for a moment.

"What? No! We have to! Jeongin wouldn't hurt anybody! He's the nicest kid in the grade!" Seungmin pleaded with Woojin. He didn't know what he would do if Jeongin died during the purge. Seungmin could save Jeongin, all he had to do was just let him in.

"No, we are not going to let him in. If we let him in, then we're all at risk of any potential killers outside. I have to protect to you all and that is final," Woojin stated firmly. He wasn't going to put all of their lives at risk for one boy.

"Woojin, hyung, please. He's my friend, my classmate! You have to believe me-"

Seungmin was cut off by the sound of the front door being opened and pants coming in through the doorway. Turning around, he saw Jisung hastily ushering Jeongin into the apartment, while shutting the door behind the younger boy.

"Jisung," Woojin gasped. "Why would you do that?" Woojin approached the young boy who had just entered the apartment and shoved him against the wall.

"Woojin! What are you doing?" Jisung exclaimed, watching his older friend pat Jeongin's arms and legs.

"We have to check him to see if he has any weapons on him. Because unlike you all, I don't trust him."

"I have nothing on me, I swear," Jeongin gasped trying to regain his breath.

"Then what's this?" Woojin slid his hand into the waistband of the younger boy's pants and pulled out a knife.

Jisung and Seungmin stepped back the pair when they saw Woojin take the knife out.

"That was to protect me. I swear," Jeongin said still pressed up against the wall.

"You expect us to believe that you came in here with this gigantic knife that you hid in your pockets with the only intention of protecting yourself?" Woojin cried out, his voice near a shout but not as close.

"Yes! I had no intention of using the knife, but I found it on the streets, and I was so scared. He was just chasing me, and I was just going to use the knife as a last resort. I-"

"Wait," Jisung said cutting off Jeongin. "Who is he?"

"What?" Jeongin asked, still fazed by the entire encounter.

"You said someone was chasing you? Who was it?" Seungmin questioned, clarifying for Jisung.

Jeongin nervously swallowed before answering.

"Lee Minho. It was Lee Minho who was after me."

It was near midnight when Hyunjin finally concluded that everyone in his household was asleep. His parents were asleep in their room according to the monitors that showed all activity in the house. And Changbin, who insisted on sleeping over this year claiming that he had a bad feeling about this year's Purge, was fast asleep on Hyunjin's bedroom floor.

Creeping past the sleeping Changbin that laid on his bedroom's carpeted floor, Hyunjin grabbed his items and made his way through the house, disarming the home security on his way out.

Hyunjin was a couple of steps away from the house when he heard something behind him.

"Hyunjin? Why are you out here? Get back inside!"

Hyunjin paused his gait, caught in the middle of his plan. Turning around, Hyunjin faced an awake and alert Changbin. Changbin constantly looked around the neighborhood in fear of purgers coming out and finding the two out on the streets. With a family like Hyunjin's, his back had a large target upon it. Any purger would kill Hyunjin in an instant to threaten his parents to end their Anti-Purge campaign.

"Changbin, go back inside. You don't want to be out here," Hyunjin warned backing away from his older friend.

"Me?" Changbin gasped astounded. "More like you need to be inside! Why did you even decide to go outside?" Changbin hissed stepping closer to Hyunjin trying to grab his arm so that he could drag the boy back inside.

Hyunjin aggressively shook Changbin's grip off his arm. "Changbin, get out of here, now, or else," Hyunjin urged, his tone darker sounding than usual. Changbin took a step back from the younger boy, unsure of how to react.

"Hyunjin, what are you doing? Why are you acting like this? What's going on-"

In a flash, Hyunjin seized a gun that was hid by his shirt, aimed it in between Changbin's eyes and pulled the trigger.

"I told you to go back inside or else," Hyunjin said lowly. He let out a small sigh as he stared down at the lifeless body that now laid on the ground.

"What a shame," Hyunjin mocked as he tucked the gun back into his belt. "You were a great a friend." But in fact, Hyunjin felt no remorse for Changbin at all. Maybe later he would feel a slight sense of guilt, but on a night like this, Hyunjin couldn't be held back. Although he came from a family of anti-purgers, Hyunjin couldn't stand any of them. And Hyunjin especially couldn't stand it when Changbin constantly insulted a night as special as the Purge.

The Purge was one of Hyunjin's favorite nights. It was like Halloween, but so much more spectacular. Every year, he would always sneak out of his home to go purge, and every year he always got away with it. This year, he would get away with it too. It was going to be a special year for him, especially with his first kill already happening so soon.

Hyunjin grabbed the black mask that he had stowed away in his backpack and slid it into place on his face. The night had just begun for him.

196 notes · View notes

camilliar · 6 years

Text

zimbits mpreg scrap 1/3

So, this is weird: I’m posting the carcass of this Jack/Bitty mpreg fic I started writing in spring 2016. It was the first thing I began to write for Check, Please, mostly because I was just like, well, there’s no good mpreg for this fandom, someone ought to do it. I’ve returned to this well since, and I’m sorry I never finished this story, because I think it has the bones of something that could have satisfied. Maybe what I’m going to bring here still has the potential to satisfy, if someone’s interested in a Zimbits mpreg fic generally? I will post the rest of it separately.

Looking through this and posting it in an incomplete state is a marker of how my attitudes about the comic and the characters have changed, and also helpful for me in terms of seeing how I work on stories and what helps me finish things successfully, or not. If you read through this first part (of three!), you’ll see bits where my interpretation of the characters has definitely changed in the past two years, either because the comic itself challenged my interpretation, or because my initial impressions have become affected by being in the fandom and living with this story and its actors for a while. This is probably the most evident with Jack, whereas I think even after the start of year 4 this Suzanne Bittle is probably still how I’d write her now. It was the farthest thing from my mind that Jack would actually win a g.d. Stanley Cup in the g.d. comic!! I’m still just like wow, that happened. But like, in 2018, I don’t think Jack and his father would ever have the conversation I was writing them having here -- I don’t think either of them has it in him and, more to the point, I don’t think the comic will ever get near this kind of resolution; I think it’s chosen instead to just handwave it as everyone being okay now.

Because I can’t write anything straight, the plot is that Bitty and Jack are trying to have a baby, but it’s not going as planned. When I write mpreg, I tend to just go with setting the story in an amorphous AU where men just ... have babies. That said, hockey players don’t, but this entire thing just sidesteps any explanation for how or why men can, so if you’re looking for good mechanics in your mpreg this isn’t going to be that fic.

R-ish, Jack/Bitty, 6k/18k, mpreg

Eliminated in round one, and Jack woke up on the Monday after last week’s humiliating defeat in game six to a familiar feeling. It was failure entwined with relief, and the press of Bitty’s hand against his dick. “You’ve had enough time off,” Bitty said, hard against Jack’s ear. It was odd—his lips were so soft. “Let’s get back to work.”

“It’s not work exactly,” was the response Jack managed, as soon as he got his eyes open. There it was, atop him—Bitty, his short hair and his big eyes, the nervous smile he got when they were going to try again. It had been two years of trying. It was the promise of the long, hot summer before Jack’s eyes: morning runs, light traveling, and getting Bitty pregnant—or not, as the case might be. Jack was himself indifferent to children, or indifferent to having children. He liked children when they were out of diapers and cooperating. Jack had spent a lot of time thinking about this: he was dead-convinced that he’d make an awful father. He really shouldn’t be a father. He played hockey, for one thing; he couldn’t promise himself he’d always be there. He had rotten genes, for another. Or, good enough in most ways, just, bad brain, he liked to think of it.

But Bitty wanted it. Jack had thought many times of his own parents. They’d been a little older, in their early-mid thirties. Jack was just thirty now, Bitty five years younger. He started on the topic of kids quite suddenly when he’d moved in. “Well, I don’t know,” Jack had always said, when it came up. “We’ll see.” But Bitty wanted it. He wanted it, and Jack wasn’t managing to deliver. Like he hadn’t managed to deliver during Thursday night’s Power Play, not with all eyes on him, not like last year when he’d helped inch the Falconers into the finals. There’d be no finals this year. Jack had shaved the meager stubble from his face but hadn’t yet cut his hair.

So, it was kind of work—but pleasant work, enjoyable. Like hockey. The sort Jack got off on. Literally. He felt good about following through on this. He missed switching up. Postseason was too intense, so much back-and-forth; not a lot of quality time with Bittle. “Let’s make it count,” Bitty would say, and what he meant was, “If you’re too tired to do it more than once, it’s my turn.” He’d said that once, actually. It hurt, kind of, but the press of Bitty’s tight ass around his dick took out some of the sting. Well, there was one positive in loss: now they’d have time to take turns.

“You go first,” Jack said. He patted the sheet bunched around his thighs. “Get on up here.”

“I prefer second,” Bitty replied, “because I need to let it sort of set.”

“Like it’s a pudding,” said Jack. “Or a mousse?”

“Don’t.” Bitty swiped at him, kissing Jack’s chest and down to his stomach. “If you want me, honey, best get ready.”

“I was born ready.” It was true, and it wasn’t. He’d been born with all the parts, but he’d struggled to put them into play. He’d let his team down—no Cup again this year. He’d let Bitty down, too, though Bitty wouldn’t admit it. There was tension when they did it now—who wasn’t coming through? Which of them was defective? Jack would have said it was him, he was defective: bad brain, slow to realize, unable to make sense of other people. On the ice things were different, but then, how different were they? When Bitty was inside him, Jack tended to let go. That morning, his thoughts swirled around the fear Jack had managed, for two years, to avoid articulating, even to himself: What if he couldn’t give Bitty what he wanted?

And what if he didn’t want that, anyway?

Jack detested idleness, but he reveled in Bitty’s skin, in his short hair, in the way they kissed sloppily and breathed heavily on each other’s faces, the pure yellow light of April sun diffusing across Bitty’s toned shoulders when it spilled through their curtains. New England sun was cold and it wasn’t especially springlike yet; Jack hated springy postseasons anyway, because hockey was supposed to remind him of home. Yanked out of home already this year, he was grateful that Bitty wasn’t going in until the afternoon. When they lay in bed together, Jack got a pass. It was a pass he gave himself. Or Bitty gave it to him. He got a pass. He needn’t feel bad about running after breakfast instead of before.

“I’ll make something,” Bitty offered, sliding out of bed. The sheets cost…a lot of money. They were icy blue with scalloped edges, and they matched a quilt Bitty had bought on Brunswick last summer when they’d rented a cabin with the Bittles over a week in July. Coastal Georgia wasn’t Jack’s domain; he didn’t really care for the quilt. It had spilled onto the floor, anyway, or maybe Bitty had pushed it off the bed so as not to “mess it up,” which had happened with their last set of sheets. “What’re you hungry for?” Bitty asked. He picked up the quilt and was folding it, though throughout he kept twitching his hips. Jack had caught that move early on; only after the first time Bitty was inside him did Jack really understand what that little gesture meant: Bitty was trying not to leak.

“Don’t get it on the carpet.”

Bitty tossed the folded quilt on the bed and grinned. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Surprise me.”

“Okay!”

When Bitty had gone Jack lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Sometimes he had the misfortune to overhear people discussing him: commentators, gossip columnists, bloggers, fellow classmates, strangers he met on the street, fans of the opposing team, friends of the Bittles on one awkward visit a few years back, people one table over at the restaurant…all and sundry, really, were wont to comment on the inner life of Jack Zimmermann. The cruelest jab was when they assumed his mind was blank, that he was empty.

His mind was not blank. It was too full. He had too many thoughts. They scared him.

Bitty assembled parfaits. Jack ate his at the breakfast table with an espresso and the sports section from yesterday’s Journal. He thought about it: Greek yogurt, good source of protein. Raspberries, good source of antioxidants. Bitty’s granola, with flax seeds, good source of fiber; maple syrup, too sugary, but okay, since the berries were bitter. It wasn’t really the season yet. Cinnamon-sugared almonds, inadvisable, but he’d live. The fact that breakfast looked like an ice cream sundae: delightful. Bitty chided him not to read over breakfast. “I got work at one,” he reminded Jack. He was an assistant skating coach, not a bad one. Not a high-profile one. Over the summer he led camps for grade-schoolers. His “work” today would consist mostly of calling local stores to ensure they stocked the equipment Bitty recommended his campers’ parents buy. Jack pretty well knew what Bitty did at work, since they’d text each other ceaselessly throughout. Jack considered going to the rink and skating, but he needed a moment away from Bitty today. He’d miss Bitty, but then he’d fill up with guilt again: Bitty with kids, Bitty wanting a kid, Jack trying to give Bitty a kid, Jack failing to do that. With a sigh, he shed the sports section.

“I think I’m gonna go for a run.”

“Should I join you?”

“Yes.” Jack nodded. “You should. It’ll be fun.” They ran together pretty often. Bitty was fast. And he looked good in little running shorts and a tank top. Maybe they could do it again after the run. Maybe they could do it again in the shower.

Jack had not struggled to find himself lunch for years now. Bitty left him Tupperware filled with elaborate leftovers, often with handwritten instructions. Jack found a good one: grilled chicken breast, saffron rice pilaf, poached asparagus and peashoots: you can put a soft-boiled egg on if necessary, said the note. Of course Jack found it necessary; of course Bitty kept a Tupperware of soft-boiled eggs just for Jack to add to his lunches. He reheated according to direction, on one of the microwave-safe plates. Once Jack had put a piece of Bitty’s formal china in the dishwasher. It was fine, but also, ruined. “Do they not have porcelain in Canada?”

“Of course they do—we do,” Jack had said.

Bitty had sighed, “Oh lord,” and stared deeply into the face of his slightly faded plate. “So help us, don’t put any more of my nice plates in the dishwasher. Or the microwave. Or the oven.” Jack had promised.

He put on PBS and ate his lunch over the coffee table in the den. They had a big house. Not relative to other people’s, but relative to what they needed, which wasn’t much. Bitty liked to entertain, which, of course he did; Jack liked to sit quietly and watch documentaries. If Bitty hadn’t gone to work they would have eaten at the breakfast table again, and if Bitty did come home from work to catch Jack eating outside of the kitchen he’d probably get snippy about it: “That’s a fifteen-thousand-dollar couch, can’t you exercise a little caution? Why do you have to eat in front of the TV?” They’ve had that fight a couple of times, with Jack’s view being firmly that if Bitty would be upset by ruining a couch that expensive, they should have a cheaper couch. Ironically, the sofas in the living room were less expensive, and Bitty let people eat in there all the time. Jack wasn’t even sloppy. He didn’t get yolk anywhere but his soccer shorts.

Anyway, the house was too big. Jack missed his parents’ house, which was larger, but something about it didn’t feel quite so empty. He missed sitting in the backyard and watching the clouds pass over Westmount, then heading back into the house to find his parents and their friends laughing over drinks in the living room, low classical music filtering around the place. He had loved, as a boy, to read and re-read the inscriptions on the plaques and trophies that filled the house. He’d loved to look at the same glamor shots of his mother, over and over again. It was a strange wistfulness he felt for that place, since he’d spent so many nights there awake and absolutely terrified. “I was a happy kid who was miserable,” he’d once said to some therapist, and that made a lot of sense. If he couldn’t get comfortable in this house in Providence, she’d helped him see, it probably because he wouldn’t trust the Falconers would keep him on another year. Maybe he’d have to go elsewhere. “But I could keep the house,” Jack always said, whenever he talked about it. He didn’t talk about it much, though. When he started thinking about it he really preferred to eat leftovers in front of the TV.

Which Bitty caught him doing, hours later, in front of a documentary about Wallis Simpson. “What are you watching?” Bitty asked. He dropped his bag on a pocket chair, still dressed for work in his jeans and checked shirt, corduroy blazer. The fit was obscene. Jack would have liked to have torn it off of him.

“Did you get on the ice today?” Jack asked.

“No.” Bitty eyed the empty plate on the coffee table. “Did you get any food on my couch?”

“Our couch,” said Jack, “and, no. I don’t think so.”

With a sigh, Bitty removed Jack’s plate to the kitchen for him, and came back with a glass of sangria for himself. Why did Bitty get to drink wherever he liked, but Jack couldn’t eat lunch in front of the television? How was that fair? Thinking about it must have given him some look of judgment, because Bitty caught him staring and asked, “Did you want something?”

“No.” But he was actually thirsty, so he sat for another minute or two to prove his point, and then got up and went into the kitchen for some water. When he came back, Bitty had turned off PBS and put on some soap masquerading as “prestige” TV. Jack stood in the doorway for a few minutes drinking his water and trying to get into whatever this was on the screen.

Finally, Bitty paused it, turned around, and said, “Honey, you’re being creepy.”

“Okay,” Jack agreed, because sure, he probably was. He sighed, then left. He hoped Bitty felt guilty and came to find him before it was time to make dinner.

[OKAY in this section I was like, all right, I’d better introduce some other elements of the comic into this fic, Shitty should be a character, he and Jack are BFFs, I’ll write him in, I guess he lives in Boston and is a lawyer, let’s go from there. Obviously I was unaware that after summer 2016 Ngozi would stop writing about Shitty and start writing about like IDK Tango and Marty and the other characters we all love but I don’t care about. Pour one out for Shitty I guess. Except don’t, I wrote a whole other fic about him maybe I’ll post ... sometime.]

One thing Jack did with increased frequency over the off-season was drive to Boston and meet Shitty for lunch. He was clerking for the First Circuit Court of Appeals, routinely bored, and fond of offering Jack legal advice. In fact, Jack had a lawyer who specialized in sports law, who worked extensively with Jack’s agent and with whom Jack had virtually no contact. He had really only needed direct advice when his contract re-negotiations had come up, when he’d negotiated contracts for appearances and endorsements, and when he’d come out. Jack had few questions about law and expected that most of his activities were in compliance with it. Still, most of his conversations with Shitty these days turned into cautionary tales.

Jack mostly cringed through Shitty’s stories and tried to direct the conversation back to more domestic topics, with which Shitty seemed to have more trouble. It made Jack feel a little superior, which was nice.

[This was supposed to be something telling about Bitty working with kids and he would be good with his own kids etc.]

“Is he good with them?” Shitty asked. He meant the kids, Jack could tell.

“He’s great.”

[You can tell I was burning with passion to include other members of the cast in this stupid fic. I guess I thought I had to.

Something I was trying to do was build up skeptical voices around Jack and Bitty, who I was trying to characterize as insular and needing characters outside their relationship to counterbalance their insularity. Thank god that’s not an issue in the comic.]

For some time now Jack had wanted to spend a vacation somewhere else—on the other side of the world, across an ocean, someplace they didn’t speak English, maybe. He was interested in French-speaking locales: Geneva, Guiana, Réunion. He related somehow to the process through which displacement had deposited French nationals around the globe, turned them all into something other than French entirely. Surely those places had other customs, other foods, other dialects which would confuse and frustrate his wobbly joual. He’d written one essay on this topic for a freshman writing seminar themed around globalization, and had revised it into a term paper on French colonialism for his historical methods seminar the next year.

He’d never talked about travelling with Bitty; it was sort of pointless. Their schedules didn’t match; they really, really didn’t match. And Jack’s was unpredictable: he could be done playing and get some time off as early as March or as late as June. They’d never been to the West Coast together, save for one weekend at the start of Bitty’s spring break as a senior in college, when he’d flown out to Los Angeles and spent two nights there with Jack after a routing by the Kings. It was hot; they’d both gotten sunburns on the beach and spent the rest of the afternoon feeling miserable and blaming each other for having done so badly with sunscreen. Jack had been distracted by the loss and anxious to get back home so he could practice, and Bitty was frustrated with his anxiousness and trying to pretend he wasn’t scrambling to make up incompletes before he graduated. They really hadn’t agreed on what to do. Bitty had wanted to explore the finer points of California culture, which was to say, he wanted to scope out celebrities and go out at night in West Hollywood, eat doughnuts every time he turned around, and window shop for new clothing. When Jack had acquiesced to flying Bitty out to meet him, he had been envisioning running in the canyons, then running on the beach, swimming laps in nice pools, and maybe another run before dinner in a totally different canyon. “I’m not going to spend my whole day running!” Bitty had protested. “Lord, you’re crazy! I can do that at school if I want, sheesh. Just go on vacation for once!”

Jack was pretty confident he’d never been on vacation. He looked back on this trip and projected the experience forward: if he ever went anywhere he would spend it arguing with Bitty about what to do, exactly. Also, he would worry deeply, perhaps to the point of ruining himself, about disagreeing with Bitty and, worse yet, not being able to control his schedule. The idea of a romantic European village with twisting cobbled streets or a market square on some exotic isle evaporated when he considered that those places probably didn’t have top-flight gym equipment, or at least, Jack couldn’t ascertain whether they did, and he could just see himself in some gym in some hotel having a total breakdown over the fact that they didn’t have the particular size weights he wanted, which would be embarrassing. Then Bitty would probably have to come and get him, and Jack could imagine Bitty freaking out: “Why are you ruining this? Why can’t you just be normal and enjoy nice things?” Bitty had never flung any such accusation at Jack, at least, not in any way that wasn’t teasing and good-natured, but Jack could not see that Bitty would never, since even the patient had breaking points. It was all very speculative and what if and he sometimes drove himself to the point of exhaustion on these grim prognostications, but just because Bitty hadn’t didn’t mean that Bitty would never, and Jack’s particular dread was finding out at some point, some day, eventually that he had used up all of Bitty’s patience.

For all of this they had spent the past five years taking the same vacation: a week in Montreal, and a week in Georgia, over the end of June and the start of July. As with the year before, Bitty had to work, and so he had, as was his way, chosen to prioritize Georgia over Canada. Which—was fine by Jack, maybe. He would fly up and Bitty would meet him several days later.

[This section is just ... not written, and I don’t know what I was planning to put there -- something about being in Montreal, I guess, or maybe something about Jack’s parents.]

“It’s just that I am trying to accomplish something that I am failing to accomplish.”

“Well, what makes you say you’re failing at it? And more to the point, Jack, why do you look at it in such a narrow way? There are many games in a series, you know. You don’t have to sweep the series to move to the next round. There are many seasons in a career.”

“Why are you talking to me like this? You’ve never failed at anything. You don’t know what it feels like.”

“I’ve very clearly failed to instill you with a sense of self-worth,” said Bob. “I apparently failed to show you how to tell the difference between failure and making your own path. I’ve failed to teach you not to hurt yourself. I live with those failures every day.”

“You don’t know, Papa. You don’t know.”

“Jack, I don’t want you to win because winning in and of itself is great. I’ll be there for you no matter what. You’re my son no matter what. I want you to win if you want it. I don’t like seeing you suffer, Jack. It’s very draining.”

“Well, I can relate to that, at least,” Jack said.

“Oh?” his father asked, but Jack chose not to elaborate.

Having had this conversation, at least, was a relief for Jack. The rest of the visit was better, even relaxing. He lay that night wide-awake in the guest room with Bitty’s naked calves against his thighs. Bitty rubbed Jack’s stomach and said, in a quiet voice, “We should try tonight, unless you don’t want to.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to?”

“You don’t usually want to at your parents’ house.”

“That’s a silly thing for me to have worried about,” Jack said. “We can try. I’ll get some—did you bring any stuff?”

“Well, I didn’t, because I didn’t know if you’d wanna.”

“There’s some lotion or something slick, I’m sure, in the bathroom.”

“Oh, sure, okay.” Bitty untangled his legs and sat up. “I’ll go get it.”

Used to creeping about, Bitty snuck across the hall. Jack replayed the conversation with his father over again in his head. Years into his relationship with Bitty, he still felt odd being in his childhood home and not sleeping in his bedroom. There was musty wallpaper hung with a collection of his medals and clippings, and a little twin bed. Were it not for Bitty he would climb back into that bed and relive his best and worst. There had been a lot of unpleasantness, and Jack had spent many sleepless nights there. There had also been a lot of good: his mother kissing him awake on his birthdays and Christmas mornings, tangling his hands in Kent’s boxers, drifting to a deep medicated sleep on a nice set of sheets after a strong win, reading his acceptance letter to Samwell over and over and over, so many times that the paper became gray where his fingers had been clutching it. Bitty was there but the guest room would never contain Jack’s bed; it would never be his room. This room had a lighter palette and more furniture, and a whole lot less of everything else.

It was true that Jack did not feel entirely comfortable with doing it in his childhood home, but the sex wasn’t bad, just brief and efficient. Afterward, Bitty lay on his back with his legs up in the air—“pudding position,” he was calling it now. Jack couldn’t help but smile at that. He was uncomfortable with his own nudity, though, and got up to put a shirt on. Afterward he went into the bathroom to drink some water, then decided to go downstairs for ice. When he returned to bed with his glass of ice water in one hand, a second in the other, he found that Bitty had already climbed under the covers and gone to sleep.

They were due in Madison proceeding July fourth. Again this year they’d drive to the coast with the Bittles—in tandem, separate cars—and spend the holiday at the beach. The Atlantic was not the seascape of Jack’s dreams but Bitty was in his element there. Southern produce was phenomenal and Jack thought about different fruits and vegetables on the plane: the sweetest corn, a rainbow of cherry tomatoes, sopping watermelon, all kinds of summer berries like shiny jewels. Bitty would spend the holiday in the kitchen, recording videos and baking with his mother, working on elaborate summer dinners and trading gossip. Except for lunch at a touristy crab shack Jack would spend his days on the beach, under an umbrella with a stack of books. Bitty’s father would engage him awkwardly in small talk about sports. The NFL was something Jack followed from a distance; college teams from the South were more obscure to him. High school was off his radar entirely. He’d try to brush it away with the excuse that he was from Canada; it was years into this thing and Coach would still rib Jack about sometimes saying “American football.” “It comes naturally,” Jack would demure. He didn’t mind his beachy exile from the sweltering kitchen, but he would have preferred to pass it in silence. He was still reeling and had a lot to think about.

Jack would not spend Canada Day anywhere but Montreal. On the morning of the second, Jack’s father drove them to the airport. For the first time, as they were caught in traffic, Jack began to consider that someday, perhaps someday not far off, his father would no longer be able to drive and Jack would have to break this to him. Bob was a young 63 but this was all Jack could think about in the car: his parents were in their sixties, Jack was in his thirties, and it was possible that when he was in his forties he’d have to wrest control from his parents and make them stop doing the things that, for Jack’s entire life, they had been doing on their own. His father and Bitty were chatting, or Bitty was blathering about their Georgia plans and Bob was asking kind questions about it. For years now Bitty had been pressing Jack’s parents to come to Georgia.

“Seems like it would be awfully hot down there, son,” Bob was saying. “Wouldn’t it be better to go for Christmas?”

“The baking’s good at Christmas,” said Bitty, typically, “what with all the family in town, but we like hosting everyone! And besides, everyone in Georgia drives all over. There’s air conditioning everywhere. You might be cold, actually. Summer in Georgia needs a sweater.”

“I’ve never needed a sweater for cold in my life,” Bob bragged.

“But air conditioning is a different kind of cold.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not organic,” said Bitty. “It’s not elemental. It’s artificial. It’s mean.”

“That’s interesting.”

Jack would have engaged with this, because he knew what Bitty was talking about. But he was fixated on adding up numbers in his head: if he got Bitty pregnant this summer his parents would be 81 when the kid graduated high school and started college. They’d be 85 at college graduation. They’d be unaccountably ancient if their grandchild ever decided to get married. All Jack could think about was how this has never occurred to him before. He was sitting in the backseat and Bitty was next to Bob, spiritedly trading climate insights. Until Bitty entered Samwell he’d never seen a frozen pond, let alone skated on one; in Montreal the summer days could be intense but the heat would burn off by evening, whereas in Georgia the heat and humidity lingered and lingered throughout the evening.

“My parents’ house has a porch on it and you sit out there to get a nice cross-breeze.” It sounded more like Bitty was looking forward to this than purely describing it. “You sit out there with a glass of lemonade or sweet tea or, let’s be honest, a mint julep, and—”

“I thought they drank those at the Kentucky Derby,” said Bob.

“They’re good all the time, actually!”

They were stalled at a light and so Jack’s father turned to ask him, “Have you ever had a mint julep?”

“I don’t really drink,” said Jack. He could tell that they were both a bit unnerved that he wasn’t saying anything, and Jack couldn’t blame them. He was trying to add up all the milestones to his parents’ current ages. It could take another five or ten years to have kids. Internally, Jack berated himself for not having done this math. He had never particularly wanted kids and so he’d never pressed himself to think about it. His plans, until now, had been centered around hockey seasons and, in college, academic calendars. Weirdly, the two tended to sync up. Projecting beyond this framework was beginning to make him a little anxious.

Bob insisted on getting their bags out of the trunk, hugged Bitty, and put a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “You are going to be okay,” he said, in slurry joual. “But call me when you land in Atlanta anyhow. Call me any time, in fact.”

“You shouldn’t use French around Bittle. It’s rude,” Jack replied, in English.

“My French isn’t so bad.”

Jack raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

“Have a good holiday,” Bob said to both of them. “Enjoy the sweaty weather.”

Bitty said, “We will, thanks! Lovely as always. Give Alicia my best.”

The flight was broken up with a layover in Chicago, where Bitty purchased gourmet popcorn and ate it in the first-class lounge with a mimosa and a cup of coffee. Jack had nothing and just sat with him, staring at the O’Hare tarmac. They had learned long ago that immigration and customs at Hartsfield would spoil a trip before it began. Jack recalled things being easier as a kid, especially when he was very young and his mother would take him from Montreal to Pittsburgh to see his father play. He did not recall having a passport then. In his memory crossing from Canada to the US was as effortless as passing back and forth between French and English.

“You’re so quiet,” Bitty said, and he offered Jack his bag of popcorn. It was a mix of neon orange cheddar and brown caramel. “What’s wrong?”

Jack shook his head, but didn’t say anything.

The Chicago-Atlanta flight was under ninety minutes, and Jack resisted Bitty’s attempts to talk with him. “You know I hate it when you bottle it up,” he kept insisting, which just made Jack want to go to sleep. “Did your dad say something to you, about the team?”

“No,” said Jack.

“Did your mom?”

“No. She wouldn’t.”

“Are you going to be grumpy the whole time?”

“I’m not grumpy, I’m quiet,” said Jack. He saw Bitty motion to pull out his phone. “Do not purchase in-flight internet just to Tweet that.”

Bitty laughed, and asked the flight attendant for another mimosa when she passed.

Landing in Atlanta, they struggled onto the Plane Train, sleepwalked to baggage claim, collected their things, and were on the road to Madison in a rental car in thirty minutes. Bitty chatted as he drove, telling the same stories he’d told before about this rest stop or that billboard. It was hours later, but Jack’s thoughts were stuck on the idea that his parents would be 65 in two years. He had never thought of his parents as old before, but 65 was very old. This was inarguable. It was all Jack could think about.

They spent the afternoon on the porch with Suzanne Bittle, who made mint juleps. Jack had water. When Bitty was on his second julep, he leaned into his mother and said, sadly, “Maybe I shouldn’t be drinking so much.”

“Well, it’s a holiday,” she replied, though the holiday was two days off.

“Maybe it interferes with fertility,” said Bitty. “Maybe that’s why—”

“Well, people get drunk and fall pregnant all the time,” Suzanne said, “so if it interfered that wouldn’t happen.”

“Are you saying we should give it a shot this afternoon?” Bitty wrapped his free hand around Jack’s thigh and leaned in. “I’m feeling optimistic!”

“Um.” Jack could see Suzanne staring at him. He took an awkward sip of his water. They both laughed at him.

“Oh, honey,” said Bitty, his voice full of joy. “Never change, okay?”

After dinner, Bitty and his father hashed out their route for the next morning’s drive. They planned to take “scenic backroads,” which Coach swore would be less trafficky for the holiday. Jack listened in for a moment and then floated back into the kitchen, where Suzanne was washing up.

“I love having you boys,” she said. She wore yellow rubber gloves. Jack had never seen his own mother in a pair. “Y’all have to come down more often.”

“It’s hard during the season.” Jack never felt quite comfortable with her; she had always been kind to him and was often, in fact, over-the-top enthusiastic, but on their first meeting he had been incredibly rude. He would never get over this. It would haunt him forever.

“I understand,” she said. “It was always hard for Coach to get away. He always wanted to come up to Samwell and see Dicky play, but a schedule’s a schedule.” She cleared her throat. “So, I understand.”

“Thank you for understanding,” said Jack, “and for your hospitality.”

“Of course.” Her words slurred together like Bitty’s did, so that it came out uh-curse. “You sure you don’t want a drink?”

“I’m all right.”

“Can I tell you something? Can I talk for a sec?” She turned off the faucet and peeled off the gloves. She didn’t wait for him to say yes and just barreled into it: “I’m worried about Dicky.”

“Dicky’s fine,” said Jack.

“I know couples talk about these things together,” she said, “but it’s not easy to talk about this stuff.”

“What stuff?” he asked, though he knew immediately that she meant sex, more or less.

“You oughta encourage him to go see a specialist,” she said, softly. “You’re both young. He’s only twenty-five, you know, there’s no reason he shouldn’t be able to—you know. I mean, if you boys are trying, which, y’all are trying, right?”

Jack’s entire body seized up in discomfort. He hated this. He hated having this talk with her. “Yes,” he said. It was all he could get out. What he should have said was, “We are, but I worry that my lack of certainty is somehow emotionally hindering the process.” But he knew that wasn’t, medically, any kind of reason. He kept his mouth shut and listened.

“I bet there’s someone good up there y’all could see,” she said. “One of the neighbors, her husband’s brother’s up at Emory Hospital. He’s a fertility specialist. I could ask, you know, if he knows anyone, and you don’t have to tell Dicky you heard it from me. But I hope you can talk him into this, because I hate seeing him like that, you know? He doesn’t want to talk about it to me.”

“So, why the suggestion now?”

“Because he mentioned it earlier,” she said. “It’s hard for him to say difficult things to me. It’s always been hard and he’s stubborn about that.”

“He is stubborn,” Jack agreed. As they had to be up early, he did not bring it up with Bitty that night.

Jack brought it up in the car the next day. He had to talk himself into raising the issue, because Bitty was driving, and Bitty was not an exemplary multitasker. Here they had the radio on, the windows open, and Bitty was trying to keep an ear out for directions from his phone, Siri or whoever. Jack wasn’t totally sure who or what program was advising them to make such-and-such a turnoff around Macon, or whatever, and his offer to give directions with a paper map was met with, “Honey, please.” It had come in the glove compartment of the rental and it seemed, to Jack, a shame not to use it. Then again, he’d gotten his way and they were now listening to local country stations, so it would have been ungrateful to press it.

But when else were they going to talk about this? “So, uh, your mom—” Jack began.

“Ugh, tell me about it,” Bitty replied.

“I’m trying to. Did she give you the same lecture?”

“No, what lecture? I mean, offering you a drink—the nerve! I always tell her, Jack’ll get his own drink if he wants it, Mother, don’t even offer it to him. She’s going to want to take so many pictures of the Fourth, I’m almost dreading it. Pictures of me with pie dough on my hands and my hair all messed up, and such, I know she means well but she’s so intrusive it’s—”

Jack interrupted. “She actually asked me to talk to you about something else. She said she knows some guy who knows some guy who could maybe help us find a fertility specialist in Providence?” Jack paused. “I guess?

“The nerve of her!” Bitty exclaimed, snapping off the radio. “I’m so sorry, I can’t deal with this whiny music right now. I have told her it’s none of her business!”

“Isn’t it kind of, though? But in any case it seems clear that parents do not let up. You really can’t tell her not to get involved or she’ll somehow get more involved.”

“She is my best friend but she really ought to keep her nose out of it, is what she ought to do.”

“Okay, but, even if annoying—she’s not...wrong?”

“How isn’t she wrong?”

“Maybe you want to...see someone.” Jack said gently.

“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of it. I just feel so defective, like, why can’t I do this one very straightforward thing?”

“That’s what you consult a doctor to find out.”

“I can’t believe she roped you into lecturing me about it.”

“How do we know I’m not defective? Maybe that’s what she was talking about.”

Bitty laughed. “Ha, no. But, say you were. What business is it of hers?”

“She wants grandchildren, I guess. Also, maybe she’s worried about you.”

“Oh, everyone wants grandchildren, good for her. And you are not defective! How dare she suggest it?”

“I don’t know,” said Jack. “But in the past I have proven to be fairly defective. So, maybe she’s onto something.”

“Well, I’m sorry she cornered you, anyway.”

The rest of the drive was predominantly silent, except when they pulled off the road to get gas. They bought a Styrofoam cup of hot boiled peanuts and ate them before getting back in the car. Jack really loved them; Bitty pronounced them “the worst of Georgia” and went on to clarify, “There’s nothing wrong with boiled peanuts—lord knows, I love me a good peanut boil. But food should not be sold, let alone purchased, at a gas station. It is unseemly.”

“What’s wrong with gas station food? People need to eat.”

“I’m not going to explain the many things wrong with what just came out of your mouth,” said Bitty. They got back into the car and finished the drive to Tybee Island.

They went out for dinner that night with Bitty’s parents, who had somehow found the priciest place in town. Like many visitors to the South, Jack did not understand and refused to develop any comprehension of most Southern foods, but he ate them anyway because they were delicious and, more to the point, what was available. He ordered a whole broiled brook trout and it came with sides of ham-studded collard greens, pimento grits, and some variety of corn pudding. He ordered an iced tea to go with dinner and was greeted with the question, “Sweet or unsweet?”

“Just get the dang sweet tea,” said Bitty, who was drinking wine, “because you know you want it.”

“Do I really, though?”

Bitty asked the waiter, “Don’t you think he should have sweet tea?”

The waiter did not seem amused by having to answer: “If you’re undecided, I can come back later.”

“No,” said Bitty’s mother, “we’re ready to order. What are y’all doing? Dicky, just leave him alone, he knows what he wants to drink.”

“Well, sometimes he doesn’t.”

“Can the rest of us finish ordering, then?”

“Sure,” Bitty agreed, and they all placed their food orders.

Finally, the waiter came back to Jack and asked, “Do you want to order a drink, sir?”

Jack mumbled, “I’ll stick with water.”

After dinner Bitty’s parents drove home, and Jack and Bitty walked down to an ice cream shop. The little town culminated in a beach, and they sat by the ocean while they ate. It wasn’t particularly pleasant; it was a windy twilight and sand was blowing into their ice cream. The handful of families lingering on the beach were making an awful racket, and as they were facing the water, the sunset was behind them. Everything was flanked with palmettos and Jack began to wonder if that telltale chirping sound was made by crickets, or something else. Was it a locust year? Did they have those in Georgia? He did not ask because Bitty was blathering about going to the beach as a kid and crying when he got sand in his bathing suit. The longer they sat the more Jack became aware of the many mosquitos.

“Well, did y’all not have bugs in Canada?” Bitty asked, when Jack finally managed to bring it up.

“It is quite a bit colder by season,” said Jack, “so I don’t remember getting bugs like this, no.”

“Well, down here we just put up with it.”

“Yes, I know, thanks.” His scoop of cherries jubilee long finished, Jack tossed his empty paper dish into the nearby trash. “I guess you put up with a lot.”

“What do you mean? I’m okay.”

“I mean, me, your parents, work stuff.”

“That’s not stuff I put up with! It’s stuff I really love that can be a little annoying sometimes.”

“Oh. Well, that’s flattering, I guess.”

Bitty was still clutching a half-eaten cone in one hand; with the other, he brushed Jack’s bangs away from his eyes. ”Maybe you want to get a haircut after all. It’s getting a little unkempt.”

“That’s not important right now.” Jack felt the sticky ice cream wrapper in his sweaty hand. He would have traded anything to get up and walk back to the rental car, drive back to the place, and take a shower.

#fic post

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shytiff · 3 years

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June Small Wins

1 - ecmocard meeting with ppl from aussie to learn to sort out data. Felt better after the meeting cause i didnt feel like doing anything before. Got two season deli box cake from dapur cokelat for nessa. Videocalled w her and ren.

2 - dr eva chatted and gave things to do. I also need to make intern log for dr retha. I just cant bring myself to start. Finally mustered the courage. Im not the type of person for wfh. At least in this house. Finished reading love or hate. I rly felt like shit at night.

3 - started reading positively yours. Had no will to do anything

4 - some more sending spss work for dr eva. weekdays with no “outside work” rly render me useless in functioning. a vegetable

5 - iluni webinar. Lost my attention during electrolyte and fluid stuff. tried to cook ribeye steak lmao (meat from @/fridaymeatshop). Its too chewy and leathery. But its not too welldone. And at least it tastes good. Went to depok by krl. its quite quick since krl arrived just after im at poris and duri. went ahead of silvi devi. satpam on the lobby wont open the access hhhh (i dont have one. i dunno why. mom said she cant find it although we supposedly have 2). but my mood improved once im upstairs. we prepped a bit of deco. conversed in the dark so not to make racheel suspicious. surprisee. had truffle belly chicken cheese for dinner. the cheese was not to cheesy, its more of a gentle taste. mushroom tastes better. we watched sweet and sour from my mobile data. surprisingly, its not that much of data. slept at like 12-1ish

6 - the electric token went out in the morning. we went for a walk in ui. the PLK man across of st ui forbade us from going in. ugh. but it was rly empty. so we went from barel. its empty on the library. there was a dog that walked along with us. talked a bit in front of the lake. went back. i got 2 moon chicken (the basic flavor and not the wings) and spicy jumeokbap. the jumeokbap was nothing like what i had in korea. like the seaweed’s taste doesnt come out that much, and its not that flavorful/savory. the one in korea its good even by itself. went back to jkt nebeng reza silvi with devi. originally planned to go to flavola, but my head kinda hurts, so i finished my moon chicken at the mushola and asked juan to pick me up. still feel healthy and normal after going and staying out, so i started reading a book abt handwriting analysis lmaoo. fell asleep. tried several attempts to figure out my bpjs number and turns out the best there is to respond is BPJS’ twitter. the problem was solved under 5 mins.

7 - woke up, fell asleep again. Adita told me that i might be interviewed today for the ipd intern but theres no info. Did the registration stuff for my bpjs. Registered for npwp. Watched bts x na pd

8 - off to RSF. its audit day today. hiks to phonecall follow up work. i did not do anything inaco related, i just sat there and did dr dafsah’s excel. dr vera bought me pecel ayam hehe yay. went to como park to meet up with indah regen. tried ricotta pizza from pizza place (33k). the cheese is cheese but not that typical cheesy (?) coupled with mushroom. i had to add sauce to withstand the last bites (still kinda full). tried other’s as well, pesto and mushroom. pesto had the most taste. while waiting for doggo to arrive, we bought gelato (S: 35k). apparently their special flavor was ricotta lmao. tried green tea (bitter, which i like) and peanut butter + caramel, which makes you feel thirsty. watched the doggos from the sidelines. after maghrib we went to 1/15. ordered ice mocha (50k). the chocolate taste stood out more. not gonna order again lol. the staff initially recommended pandan flavor. took grab to gbk station to go home.

9 - rsf. second audit day. i hate it here lmao. im not even paid for my time here. excused myself to eat. turns out mbak Ai bought hokben. i almost forgot thanking her since i felt hungry with a bit of headache. talked a bit with dr retha regarding changes of assistant (since internship is soon). went back and immediately laid down in bed. mom bought pizza so thats what i ate for dinner. fell asleep (i can feel it. my face will get consequences)

10 - cant bring myself to do anything. i reread painter of the night lmao. seungho is a prick. inhun is also a prick (a greedy one). ate arirang bone marrow. put the egg-seasoning mixture to the pan since im not confident enough to just pour boiling water into the bowl. felt surprisingly full. went to sbux. green tea latte as usual. but turns out tumblr 50% promo only applies to sbux member. so i had to pay 40k for my green tea latte. at least i got to feel good from outside vibes. did some follow up for INACO patients.

11 - went to rm rsf. Took lots of photos of RM. I was given rujak by the rm staff lmaoo so cute. Didnt do any entry afterwards lmao i just laid down

12 - breakfast is paldo jjajangmen and egg. It tasted like soy. Its good but not in a micin way. Its quite fulfilling. Had some of the beef slices by putting it in a buttered pan (is it pan fried? Grilled? Idk). Had banana and brownies together (makes it rly good). Did a bit of clires work. I drank sbux's caramel macchiato but yall my stomach cant handle it lmao. It hurts so much that i even got a headache. So i just laid down in bed

13 - had arirang again loll. Inserted the egg to the pan still, but quicker this time. Its too salty today. Maybe its not enough water. I was eating it while googling how to remove excess sodium. Ate the rest of beef slices (shared with bros ofc) and mixed some with moms fried rice. Ate banana brownies again. Felt soooo full. Did some clires work accompanied by sbux matcha

14 - i felt like shit this morning. Watched leahs vid. Listened to her podcast while having bfast. I walked from moms car to bougenville while still feeling like shit. It slowly gets better afterwards, thankfully. Did some clires and follow up. Went to gandy steak in dr retha's car (which had anesthesiology textbook inside). Tried aus sirloin steak. The bread tasted ok. The garlic bread also ok. The mashed potato was so so (the one in depok was more creamy and smooth). The steak was good, especially the fat part, the sauce so so. Honestly that depok steak had more value for money compared to this, i think. Nebeng dr rara and husband to busway station. Arrived in ar and i immediately showered, such wow 👏👏

15 - today is no rsf day aka self made wfh day. Moms getting vaccinated today. I just lazed. And read kanej fics

16 - off to rsf. Took care of rm stuff. Tried social affair's croffle since i was so curious (60k [10k tip]). The nutella and cinnamon sugar one. Its crunchy and a bit crumbly inside, but not as fragile as croissant. Its quite fulfilling too. But its basically flour batter variations. (thats what mom would say). randomly chatted racheel and we ended up taking a walk and a bit of jog citra 6 (with my sneakon regular shoes). My left tendon was screaming lol. Picked up by juan who surprisingly effortlessly found the address at night.

17 - mbak aan chatted me today to go to rscm. Met prof murdani at pesc and he gave me ppt assigment for 13:30 THAT DAY. Finished it unsatisfyingly (i wish i couldve done more). Lunch was free bebek bkb yay thankyou Prof c: (he even asked what did i ate) took care of legalisir stuff. Went home by tj. Drank matcha w vsoy and i somehow was not sleepy after maghrib. I also changed my desj layout. Maybe it kinda works to separate my spaces

18 - arrived at rscm at 8-ish. sent updated thibbun nabawi ppt. literature search. and then somehow its 14:30. went to SCI w ara wani rasyid. tried bandeng nyonya, oyster, salmon, cumi lada garam (its crazy good among all the good tasting food wtff), shrimp and pocai telor (veggie stuff). dessert was thailand cassava. spent about 190k. went back by TJ. had wudu at pulomas and prayed ashar on the bus lol. i passed out after playing w my phone lmaoo

19 - spent almost the whole day just sleeping and eating. finally showered in the afternoon. had matcha vsoy latte after maghrib and with enough day sleeping, i did presentation outline. at like 1/2 am i initially planned to sleep but my eyes still have plenty of watts. so i read hold me tight. slept at like 4/5 am

20 - woke up at 9. off to om dokter’s house to ask for healthy letter. we talked almost the entire time im there lol. before u know it mom and dad’s done talking with grandma. om dokter shared some of his experiences in the past. and he said something about making your choice and living with it, and it will all have a meaning even if you might initially agonize about it. girl i was holding back tears. here he was talking about choices, something i never rly talk about at my house. im getting teary just typing this. he talked about it in a way that sounds simple, even though i agonized abt internship choices and sometimes avoid thinking about it. it rly rly was a new experience. i dont rly talk about “choices” with my parents. so hearing how to go through options in life from a person i can relate to regarding this med stuff is. i feel like i would have loved it if i can hear his wisdom earlier. i dont talk with him much if my parents are around bcs they will just meddle and say stuff that wreck my peace. they dont rly know what im going through but can be very opinionated. this peaceful one on one talk rly made me feel relieved and reassured. and i was today years old when i found out he initially wanted to be a psychiatrist. he would have been a great psychiatrist. i feel like we have some understanding thats left unsaid. like he knows how my parents are like. he would probably understand why i dont talk with him much at AR. after what feels super quick, we went back to AR. registered for STR. searched some literature for the topics that Prof is the moderator of. powered by matcha energy

21 - rscm as usual. the Prof did not come. lunch was bread i brought from home. waited for mom to pick me up at kfc so i bought pukis kfc. its like properly made pukis and not the street seller made ones. the chocolate one was good since the toppings generous. felt a bit feverish? like my body felt warm. fell asleep and then suddenly its 6 am in the morning.

22 - Prof still did not came. had amart’s ayam penyet jamur for lunch. turns out juan bought ayam geprek gendut for dinner. night time is diarrhea time lmaooooo. did not feel sleepy at AR but i skipped shower again lmao,,,,,,,, and then suddenly its morning again

23 - jajan from sisterfield today. tried their carrot cake and kopi susu gula aren. the carrot cake has that carrot texture. its different. the icing was fresh cream cheese that made the cake taste good. the coffee made my stomach ache a bit. it has that subtle chocolatey taste. fell asleep again. third time’s the charm (of 1x/day face wash). woke up at 3 am planning to sleep but i ended up washing my face. turns out atikah was still awake due to AZ fever.

24 - this is the bestest sleep i had in this week (?) had a dream about going to bandung and the car falling to water. forgot my headset today. can finally meet prof Mur. talked abt inaco stuff w agassi. reread komugi meruem lmaoo. felll asleep. somehow had the misfortune of hearing dad’s hurtful words to mom. i want to fall asleep again but its difficuly. i went through stages of pent up anger, some sort of selfishness (i will go out from jakarta for internship), amazement to mom, and... (continue 2moro)

25 - lunch was dori rice from kanprim thanks to rasyid’s jastip. watched bts’ butter norebang lolll :(((. arrived at AR the fastest ive been. mom came to me right before maghrib and summed some stuff dad said yesterday. she handled it in a trivial way. like she was unaffected. and that somehow helped me too. stuck around in the dining room for a while after maghrib. talked about internship w mom. i left some chance for dad to yap yap abt whatever related to internship (thankfully songs were full volume through my wireless headset) while im inhaling through my matcha latte. i wont write what he said bcs its lowkey super embarrassing. thank the gods for wireless speakers.

26 - did not do anything productive today. Had arirang salted egg for bfast (wont repurchase). Had the meat cubes i bought online and its rly good. Ran with racil at citra 6. The tendon in my left feet hurt lol. Gmeet with ara et al to discuss internship review

27 - lazed. Wanted to start my day early but couldnt bring myself to. Binge watched twoset videos. Did clires stuff. 1 more RM to wait from IRMIK. No gastro intern work this weekend aaaa im starting to panic.

28 - juan came along otw to rscm. Talked about iship otw. brought tons of stuff to eat, including matcha latte, but i was unable to finish it lol. Discussed research budgeting w Prof. Didnt do anything in home. Starting to panic with my ppt progress.

29 - discussed budgeting revision. Prof thought abt little details i didnt even consider. Didnt do anything while at ar anjengggg

30 - prof did not come to dept today. Listemed to agassi rambling abt intern stuff. Immediately opened my laptop in ar. Watched two set. Played marapets lmaooo i finally managed to gather 3 au for shop pricer. But still didnot wash my face 👁️👄🤦‍♀️ maybe bcs i hate doing what people tells me to do (re: shower due to covid scare). Had a nightmare abt being in a car ride alone w dad and it was rly rly awkward

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chestshot · 4 years

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A Cautionary Tale of India Pale

Prepare for Trouble, B-Side: A Cautionary Tale of India Pale,

Dark Holes and Transformations, or My Love Affair with xoxo<3Ms. Hopps <3xoxo

Little children were playing behind me. I was in space. Time was forgiving. Never get caught in a blackout. Some never find their way home. As the streetlights illuminate the path of the righteous, the guardians watch over as we sleep. The beetles and moths have gathered in a procession, to welcome the night. “So, where were you?” “I was playing in the dark, and I got lost. I had some breadcrumbs, thankfully.”

“This is going to hurt me more than you.” I never understood that logic. “So why can’t I do it to you, like you did it to me?” “I’m doing this because I love you. Your soul is in danger.” We used to kneel on the bare floor covered in rice.

What is obedience, and what happens when it is forced? Believe in unity. Value brotherhood. Seize any opportunity to join hands. Even as the big hands crush the small hands, like a fist full of lavender flowers. Don’t think so hard. The guardians have done all the thinking for us. Some things do not need an explanation. Guardians discourage the children from scrutinizing every detail. All we need is to believe. Can’t we all just come together as one? If I wanted to find everlasting life, why did I have to lay it down to begin with?

The Knights of Columbus hosted Sunday breakfast every month. My mother would always hand me a folded dollar bill when the collection basket came by. It was a little secret between our Father and I (Mathew 6:1-4). I was planting a seed for his kingdom, and if we did not fork over the dough, let us just say there was hell to pay.

The instructor told us that Jesus loved us, so he died on the cross for us. If we loved Jesus, too, we had to love each other. We colored the nativity scene and learned a few prayers. We were taught a theology approved by the Roman Catholic Church, and classes were $25 per child. Those must have been some expensive ass crayons. I was a good boy. Never an altar boy.

I had refused to help in the family garden in the front yard one time. The bathroom floor was cold on my cheek. The sweat and tears running down my neck fell on the yellow linoleum. My arm, bent around my back. Wrists too tight. Cheeks got so hot that the salt water started to dry up and irritate my skin. Was it worth it? I know it was fucking hot outside. The neighbors can hear. I’ve been getting ass beatings since I was alive. From the guardians, then from bad decisions, and possibly society. Sometimes the floor can become comfortable, waiting for the blackouts to cast a final spell.

“God helps those that help themselves”®…Is not in the bible!

The Sunday breakfast consisted of yellow “just add water” scrambled eggs. I was too young for coffee. Pass me the milk. I ate next to a church girl with an intellectual disability. Did God make her like that? I did not know. All I knew was that we were all equally hungry. I felt like all the dark holes in the floor were so much smaller back then. If I stepped on a crack, I could always find my balance, or the guardian would help me till I recuperated.

“Hey guys. Where’s Jesus’s cloths? Yeah… haven’t been able to hit up hot topic since COVID-19.”

Societies fascination for making atonement. Drink and drive? Dui. Tax evasion? Prison time (unless its some shit like a white-collar crime). $50 dollar fines for parking in front of a fire hydrant, that one time I moved out of my parents’ house and rented a room from some asshole named Evander. Not a child anymore. Learning from experience. If I only learned to come home on time. Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. The dark holes were still manageable. No claws yet. No transformation. The delinquencies were not ripe. There was not enough blood.

I helped myself to a glass of orange juice. High pulp. Tart. Almost as refreshing as the forgiveness of sins. Dixie paper cups. An old couple. They must have both been in their eighties. With not much time to live, they both enjoyed the pancakes with light butter. No syrup though. Diabetes. He pulled the chair out for her. He took off her sweater and placed it behind the chair. He wiped his head with a towel, then his mouth. He regained his balance. and shuffled to his own seat. Where had the time gone? Playing with little toy cars and dirt, in the streets of his home country, and now using dentures. There was such an age of trusting that the streetlights were guiding him all along. When he could hear his mother’s voice and know in his heart that the night was near, but only to visit. He led the prayer and they both sat down to share maybe their last breakfast. Listened to your guardians. You might live as long as them.

One time, Father Manuel unofficially sponsored Mission Tortillas. “Como Dios Manda” literally means “How God Orders” or more precisely “What God Demands of us”. He was calling out the young women who decided club wear for a Sunday mass was appropriate. Father Manuel roasted them. “Esta bien que sea Qinceniera. Pero esta es la casa de Dios.” We were all sinners, but some of us did a better job at hiding it. We were all trying to avoid the transformation. We all needed to love. We just needed time to patch things up.

Mother Theresa believed that suffering was how you got closer to God. She refused to let some children receive treatment, so naturally, they would die. Bandage them up and throw them in the dirt. Suffering is the polished rock for sharp claws and feasting vultures. This psychic in San Francisco told me that I would be responsible for what I touch and what I know. I did not let him read my palm. I was swimming in ignorance, and the spirit would guide me.

Their little Calcutta souls belonged with the Lord. For a while, I started to believe that I was suffering, and therefore, there was no God. Those little Calcutta souls were all fucked. I think we suffer because we think we must. We like to convince ourselves that it’s all part of some divine plan. We suffer because we all have things we conveniently forget about. We should know better.

It’s not normal to stay up all night. It’s not normal to operate a vehicle under the influence of anything. It’s not normal to lie to the person you are with. It’s not normal to wake up at 3 pm every fucking day. It’s not normal to put things up your nose. It’s not normal to get in the car with a complete stranger. It’s not normal to think that you can live with people for free. It’s not normal to pass out at the bar. It’s not normal to constantly burn bridges. It’s not normal to forget what you did the night before. The blackouts swallowed me alive, over and over and over. I couldn’t see the streetlights. There was no one left to pay for my sins.

Last week, and then the week before, and before that. I lost a part of me. I’ve lost a few parts of me. Like a lot. Who was I? I had checked into the catacomb of wasted ambitions. The creatures of the dark had left. I looked in the mirror and could not accept what I had become. What big claws and teeth. The beer was gone. It was a scared man. No. A big bad wolf. My tail was between my legs. I was pitiful. My drinking career choked on it’s vomit. My guardian told me there was going to be hell to pay.

I had a dream I was filling up one cup with another cup, like an endless water mill. I’m not sure why I always felt this way. An endless repetition that never ends, like new ideas filling old ones, but never quite arriving at a solution, or like fish eating fish eating fish… Like a two gallon hourglass, constantly being flipped on it’s other end, ass up, face down, full of itself. The air bubbles, trying to escape. The lump in the throat of my life, always sinking into my stomach. The transformation was complete. I was living in a blackout.

The beta, or Siamese fighting fish, is native to Thailand and Cambodia. You can pick them up at your local swap meet. I used to love going to the Broadacre swap meet after Sunday mass. I got my hands on everything an eight-year-old should never get their hands on: laser pointers, chained wallets, pocket knifes, fart bombs, shock pens, pet’s I wasn’t able to take care of. I’m not sure what the fish were so angry about. Probably from being confined to a tiny ass sandwich bag.

I got my ass kicked in a bar fight once, in 2018. Three against one. I do not remember. I was asking for something that was not on the menu. I was being annoying. Swings broke out like a Florida coastline and faster than you can say Tallahassee’s televised turnout tremendously terrified pterodactyls. Too small. Smack. Too slow. Smack. I fell to the floor, head between my knees. My jeans ripped. All I see is stars. I raised a barstool over my head and threw it against the bar, not sure if it landed on anyone. Always bust out the bar stool when you know you are going to get rocked. I ran out through the front entrance and I called 911. I left my bicycle behind. The cops were nice enough to drive it down to me. They told me that the security guard told them I was trying to buy drugs. I told them it was a hate crime. They told me to go home. I told them I would never go back to that bar again.

Pigs in a blanket. I think there was bacon. Bacon or sausage. No. I think there were both. I woke up at 6am to eat this at 10am. 10:15 if there was a line. Couldn’t everyone break bread the way we did? Always have to start a fight during a meal. If you’re a man of culture who would prefer to drink their meals, our fists made toasts to live long and pasta. The indigestion was the worst. I could not eat breakfast too early because my stomach lining was sensitive from the binge before. This did not stop me from killing a whole order of carne asada fries at night. I felt the weight of a bowling ball in my diaphragm when I woke up the next morning. Drinking water felt like swallowing marbles. This wasn’t normal. Nap. Bagel. Throw up.

SpaghettiOs. That’s not pasta. That’s an impasta.

My older sister became an usher at church. She showed everyone to their seats. She wore a sash that said “Orden” or literally “Order”. She asked people if they could scoot over. She made room where people were resting their purses or when someone decided that they needed to sit with their legs wide open. Me and my younger sister always got pinches during service if we were joking around or being distracting. How did the people really bring their kids to church like that? We were so rambunctious!

The dark holes just seem like the better option sometimes. If the blackout won’t take me now, then maybe tomorrow.

I had never wanted to grow up. I was so afraid that I would grow up to be a man with a wife and a house. I sounded like one of those kids who shits all over “the nuclear family” and the “white picket fence”. I had even said “I don’t want to have kids. I don’t want to bring more suffering into the world.” Then I would roll my eyes, take a puff of my cigarette and be proud of how postmodern I was.

The truth is, I was 26 years old, holding a fucking sign on the corner of Flamingo and Pecos at some Piano Lounge. Nobody wanted to marry me. I was living at my mothers house. I didn’t have a car or a drivers license. I hated everything I didn’t have. I still had my Lagunitas though. 7.1% a bottle meant I got nice and toasty after a six pack.

The Jack and Coke was just a nice butter and marmalade on top. Can’t have a nice toast without some warm butter and tangerine marmalade, raspberry jam. Ex-Pentecostal Holly Roller. I was so mad about that God Shit. I broke bread with my damaged complexion. I was a messy eater, leaving crumbs everywhere. Licking my claws like that racoon from Pocahontas. Like that, but still a big bad wolf…

I was on my way to the "party bridge" on the Las Vegas strip. I had just got off the bus, after a 6-8 hour shift holding a sign on the corner of Flamingo and Pecos. The job was shit, but it didn’t require much interaction with people. God, I used to hate people.

When I got there, the police were harassing a group of street performers. I like to get faded, and I like to do it on the street. I buy some street performers some beers, ask if I can play a couple of songs on their acoustic guitar, and we get smashed. The police were pissing on my parade and I was not going to let that happen.

I went to the CVS and bought a case of PBR. When I got back to the bridge, I started handing out some cans to the street kids being interrogated. The police told me to stop, and I did not listen. I got arrested for obstructing an officer and resisting arrest. This was probably one of the most punk rock things I ever did in my life. Resisting authority was my raspberry jam. I liked that it made me feel bad to the bone. I felt like even more of a bad ass when I offered the holy spirit into my life, on the rocks with a pickle back shot.

The police officer put me in handcuffs and took me to the cop car, outside of the Aria. I thought that I was standing up for the street performers. Really, I was just sticking my nose where it did not belong. When I got to the detention center downtown, the nurse asked me some questions. “Do you have a history of cocaine use in your family?” “Tu Madre!” I said. What the fuck did that have to do with anything? Faster than you can say “Pharmaceutical petty punks pretentiously pandered pedestrians” Five correction officers pin me to the wall. One of them had my arm bent behind my back and they were waiting for any reason to snap off my ring finger.

I stretched out my ear lobes. The holes were wide enough to stick a sharpy permanent marker through. One of the guards whispered in my ear “I like to rip out gauges.” My body went limp. I was going to get ripped apart like a fucking lasagna. “Please don’t do that.” One of the other guards brought in a retainment seat, on wheels. Think of an elementary school chair with straps. The blue ones, or orange, sometimes. Class was in session.

I was wheeled to a retaining room with another inmate who had acted out. He had asked to use the restroom, so he was granted the privilege to defecate. They wheeled him away. I pissed myself. One of the guards came in to get me and realized what I had done. “Son of a bitch.” He said under his breath, realizing that he still had to maintain professionalism. The female officer following him said “Mark.” With disapproval. Fuck authority. I’m still a big bad wolf. Its society that has to change. Do you know who I think I am? I’m no impasta.

The secret to having a good time is to show up to the bar with a few ounces of hard liquor already in your system. You save money and time. The bartender can never cut you off because they don’t even know what you act like when you’re sober. They’re not aware of the transformation. Pretty soon, I’m the big bad wolf with a bad haircut and jeans my mother bought for me at Ross. I say “LAGUNITAS” and the bartender takes my five. A cautionary tale of India pale: this shit will turn your brain to shit. Shit toast. From a shithole tavern, or Albertsons if I was emo and wanted to drink alone at the park.

I always went to the bar by myself. I would try and make conversations if I was feeling sociable. The best way to do this was to smoke a cigarette, and let the acquaintances come rolling in. “I’ll tell you a joke for a cigarette” was always a good conversation starter. I would have also accepted “hey man, can I give you a dollar for a cigarette? I left mine at home.” I didn’t always have spare cash, but when I did, I liked to drink around strangers and not feel the isolation covering me, like stars just beyond my reach. Like aircrafts. Black night sky. The tar in community college lungs. Little Red Riding Hood didn’t show up. Probably cause her sisters were talking shit about me. It’s ok. I’m still big and bad.

Drink some water. Jesus fishes. Say a prayer. Missing pieces. Dying wish. Deep dish pizza.

Cheap not-the-real-Bel-Air hotel. Right on the corner of Ellis and Jones. Junkies were chasing dragons in high definition on the sidewalk. God checked out. No housekeeping. Ash tray on the nightstand, some beer cans, and $6.14 in cash. What a splash. Making out with Hopps. She gives my stomach purple ulcer butterflies. Sedates my lungs a car crash plum. Mind calming lavender razorblades cut gently. Her love is a condor. She picks at my liver like silver bullets diving into passion fruit scum.

#publish #recovery #non fiction #pulp #fight club

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markonasurface · 7 years

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45/50 - "I think I made a mistake.”

Fandom: All for the Game/The Foxhole Court Characters/pairings: the Foxes (mostly Nicky, Kevin), Jeremy, Jean Summary: Nicky won’t stop making fun of Kevin’s healthy diet. Kevin has to be right. A/N: Because I saw this post and all I could think of was tfc/aftg. Tbh it’s all I think about these days.

http://maelerie.tumblr.com/post/135803922052/send-me-two-characters-or-more-and-a-prompt-and

Then I saw this post about Kevin eating whatever the fuck he wants. https://neiljousting.tumblr.com/post/160259602320/foxes-evermore-youve-heard-of-green-smoothie

“Kevin, leave me alone!” Nicky twisted his body into what should have been an impossible shape to try to escape Kevin’s grasp.

“We’re playing the Trojans.” Some of the annoyance left Kevin’s voice and was replaced with a reverent awe. “We can’t afford for you to be sluggish on the court because you’ve stuffed yourself full of sugary preservatives.”

Neil pulled on Kevin’s hands to get him to release Nicky. “You know he’s just going to buy it. You’re making a scene.”

Kevin glared. “We’re going to lose. None of you take your diet plans seriously and you eat whatever the fuck you want up until serve.”

A couple of the freshmen Foxes looked down at the treats in their arms. Nicky grinned at them. “Don’t worry. Kevin doesn’t know how to relax about anything because Tetsuji force fed him anything that was green or tasteless up until the night he showed up on our bus reeking of blood. He doesn’t know how to treat himself.”

Kevin made a noise.

“It’s true,” Nicky insisted. “If we win he’ll insist we start sticking to our diet plans and only drinking kale smoothies and shit. If we lose he’ll insist it’s our lack of devotion to Exy and our diet plans and force us all to start eating right and drinking raw eggs so we’re better next year. Have you ever had a bite of an Oreo, Queen?”

“You’ve bought me ice cream.”

“But have I ever seen you eat the ice cream I buy you?”

Neil sighed. “All we ever eat when we go to Sweetie’s is ice cream, Nicky. And Kevin was sponsored and there’s pictures of him eating an Oreo.”

Nicky looked betrayed. “One, it’s creepy that you know there’s specifically a picture of Kevin seemingly snacking on an Oreo. Two, I say seemingly because I’m not entirely convinced he didn’t spit it out after.”

“Fuck you.” Kevin walked away.

“Is he okay?” Sheena asked Dan.

Dan looked over to where Kevin stared at the scoreboard. She frowned. “Eh, Kevin has such a hard on for the Trojans that losing to them is almost an honor for him.”

Neil came up behind Kevin and knocked the back of his helmet. He spoke in French but Dan knew he was telling him to stop being such a traitor. Jean laughed and said something else.

“I normally hate that they purposely speak in other languages around us,” Sheena was still staring. “But it makes it even worse when they’re conversing with the other team in another language.”

“Come on,” Dan said, a little disappointed that this would be her last Exy game, but like the other upperclassmen and the monsters, glad that it was the Trojans knocking them out. “Let’s go shake hands.”

Wymack had booked six motel rooms for two nights so the Foxes could enjoy the California weather. They convened in Wymack and Abby’s room where there was pizza and alcohol and ice cream.

Abby handed Andrew one of the three 1.5 quarts of ice cream and a spoon. She didn’t wait for a thank you before moving on to handing out plates and napkins to the other Foxes.

“Hey, Abby,” Nicky called. “I hope you brought some lettuce and carrots cause otherwise Kevin will only be drinking his dinner.”

Kevin flipped him off but took one of the bottles off the dresser and went to lean against the wall.

Jeremy insisted on showing the Foxes around on Saturday so they met up with a good portion of the Trojan Exy team after breakfast. They crowded onto a bus and had to transfer once before ending up at the Venice Beach Boardwalk. Renee slipped her hand into Jean’s as they walked around.

“Have you guys eaten?” Jeremy asked.

“I’m sure Kevin’s already had his raw eggs, huh, Kev?” Nicky nudged him.

“Your jokes are never funny the first time.” Kevin responded.

Some of the Trojans split up and took the freshmen with them but Jeremy and Jean stayed with the upperclassmen Foxes and Andrew’s group. They split up in twos and threes to go into different stores every so often but never strayed far.

“Oh, we have to try the donuts here!” Nicky exclaimed when they all met up near the end of a line.

“They serve sandwiches, too,” Kevin pointed out.

“Jean,” Nicky whirled around to find the other ex-Raven. “Are you constantly on your teammates about eating healthy or is that just a Kevin thing?”

Jean looked surprised that anyone from Andrew’s group was speaking to him. “I - uh -”

Jeremy beamed at him. “Jean suggests I eat less donuts every time we come here but that’s about as far as the lectures go.”

“Then why is Kevin such a hardass about what I eat all the time?”

“We all play Exy,” Jean commented. “Don’t we all try to eat healthy? It’s a part of the training.”

Jeremy laughed, then said, “Try to remember that the next time we go to that little cafe that serves those little pastries you love so much. And the beignets!”

Jean’s cheeks turned pink and he tried not to look upset as he avoided looking directly at Kevin. “They’re the one good thing I remember before being bought,” he admitted in French.

Neil cocked his head in interest. He felt Andrew notice beside him. He joined Kevin and Jean’s conversation. “Is there a certain food you liked to eat before your mom died?”

Kevin froze. They never talked about his mother’s death. He had been only seven. “Nikuman,” his voice was quiet, almost nervous. “Kakigori. And senbei - uh, like, rice crackers?”

“Japanese food?” Neil questioned, a little confused.

Jean looked delighted. “I know just the place. I forgot you told me your mother liked to be reminded of her time spent in Japan. I know a place that makes really good nikuman.”

“What is that?” Dan asked.

“It’s like a - um, how do you say - uh pork in a bread?” Jean sounded excited. This had the Foxes exchanging glances and Renee and Jeremy beaming brightly. He still had a ways to go but he was far from the numb, broken thing that came to the Trojans. “We could get shaved ice. There’s a place near there and they have all sorts of toppings. They have, uh, sweet milk.”

Nicky grinned. “Sounds unhealthy. I bet Kevin won’t eat it.”

“Ten dollars he will,” Allison couldn’t help herself.

“Twenty he’ll take one bite,” Matt countered.

“Thirty he’ll have more than one serving,” Allison returned.

“Deal.”

“You guys aren’t coming.” Kevin was already walking away.

Jean led them away from the boardwalk to a small restaurant. As soon as they stepped inside, Kevin was reminded of the restaurant five blocks away from where he lived the first seven years of his life. If they weren’t traveling, his mom took him there at least once a week.

“Kevin?” The others were looking at him and he tried to stop his chin wobbling long enough to scowl.

The waitress came to take their drink orders and looked pleased when she forgot a word in english and Kevin was able to translate. Kevin and Jean ordered for the whole group.

“Can I ask -” Nicky started.

“No.”

“Kevin,” he said crossly. “Doesn’t Japanese food remind you of -”

“No.” Kevin said at the same time Jean said, “Yes.”

Nobody missed the concerned look Kevin discreetly sent Jean’s way.

“Riko wouldn’t have let us eat this stuff,” Jean explained slowly. “Our meals were pretty much always planned and we ate pretty much the same things every day.”

“My mom and I would come to a place like this almost every week,” Kevin said through his teeth and he didn’t know if it was because he was annoyed with the turn the conversation had taken or if it was to stop himself from crying. “So, no. Japanese food doesn’t always remind me of him.”

“Why would you ask that?” Aaron muttered next to Nicky.

The food arrived then and Nicky switched gears. “Ten dollars says you won’t even finish one serving of these bun things.”

Kevin leaned forward and stared at Nicky across from him. “One hundred says I’ll eat five servings and three shaved ice cones.”

Neil stared at Kevin, trying to get him to look at him. He turned to Andrew on his other side when he heard him state, “Idiot.”

As they got on their first bus back to USC’s campus, Neil saw Jeremy grab a few sick bags from the front. Kevin sat in the first available seat and Nicky sat next to him, smiling from ear to ear.

They weren’t even five minutes into their hour long bus ride when Kevin clapped a hand over his mouth. Jeremy had been watching him closely, suspecting like everyone else that this moment was bound to happen. He held out the sick bags and Kevin quickly snatched one.

Nicky laughed hysterically, gripping his stomach and sliding around in his seat. The others were less amused.

“Idiot.”

“Someone empty a shopping bag!” Jeremy called out to their group.

Unsurprisingly, Renee emptied her black plastic bag into Jean’s lap and passed the bag to Jeremy who held it open so Kevin could drop the sick bag inside and continue throwing up.

By the time they reached their transfer stop most of the other passengers had either gotten off or were glaring at the Exy players. Kevin was a little green and sweaty when they stepped off the bus.

“How about we walk?” Jeremy suggested amicably. “Maybe the fresh air will help.”

Kevin dropped his bag into the garbage can and followed along. Nicky grabbed his shoulders from behind and shook.

“You owe me one hundred bucks!” His shout was gleeful.

Kevin swallowed hard before opening his mouth. “You bet that I wouldn’t eat more than one serving. I bet that I would eat five servings and three shaved ice cones. Not that I wouldn’t puke it all up after. You. Owe me one hundred bucks.”

“No!” Nicky wailed dramatically, letting Kevin hold up his weight.

“A bet’s a bet.” Allison passed them. “You owe me ten.”

She cupped her hands around her mouth and called, “Matt! You owe me thirty dollars!”

At the motel Neil waited for Kevin as he bent over the bushes. He looked up at the top floor and saw the other Foxes going into their rooms. Andrew joined Wymack at the railing and held out a hand. Wymack dug in his back pocket and produced a cigarette and a lighter.

Kevin groaned bringing Neil’s attention back to him. He waited for Kevin to start toward the stairs before following along.

When they reached the third floor and approached Wymack and Andrew, Wymack asked, “Is he drunk?”

Neil glanced at Andrew and inwardly sighed, just knowing he had probably shrugged when Wymack asked him. Sometimes he could be difficult.

“No,” Neil said honestly.

“I think I made a mistake,” Kevin moaned, sounding more miserable than any morning he was suffering from a hangover.

“You think?” Andrew threw his cigarette over the railing and stepped toward their room. “Idiot.”

#tfc #aftg #kevin day #aftg fic #tfc fic

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phogenson · 8 years

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A Hard Year: Moving On

This is a post in three parts. First I'll sketch out what precipitated my sudden departure from Minneapolis, the circumstances, as I understood them, that pushed me out of my home and away from my support systems. Second I'll go in depth as to how I made this actual move, what steps I went through to leave Minneapolis and go back to Chicago. Third I'll introduce the natural sequel to this series, what I did next and was indeed affected by these weeks, as everything in my life has been, but which I can't rightly call the hardest days 2016.

I think for simplicities sake, the way I handled the early weeks of 2016 amounted to a retreat. Starting in January when I set myself about traveling in the spring, I ceded ground over how I governed my day to day life to my calendars. When I was in the ER I retreated into this beige room. At home I retreated from collaboration with my roommates. I retreated into my room. I've mentioned that I ceded a lot of the area of my house to people I was retreating from by the day. By taking medication, still the right choice, I ceded control over my mood to doctors and chemicals.

But there was some limit to retreating and I wasn't the best at maintaining the boundaries at all times. With so much ground given up, how could I really be expected to be? A panic attack can be like the rolling boil suddenly boiling over without touching the heat, just waiting too long. All my muscles would tense and neurons screamed from within my head. Call it an encroachment, an intrusion, a violation of privacy, ceding that ground eventually led to a collision on March 14, 2016.

And the retreat was the life equivalent of braking and swerving, anti-lock brakes tapping underfoot. When a driver walks away from a near wreck, hostility and paranoia are not the typical responses of onlookers. But that's where I wound up when a real argument with a roommate broke out over my retreated but heavily fortified position in the house. The argument was really like a bad fender-bender--we both walked away despite the anger and excitement, we accept the actions and events, some glass was broken but no one was hurt.

This collision eventually led to phone calls that left me raw on the floor of my room. It led me to the amazing generosity on my neighbor's couch. It led me to the worst coffee meeting ever. Eventually this collision pushed me out of my home. But this is a point where I actually found some strength, organization, and will power as well. On March 15, 2016 I met with a psychiatrist, by March 27, 2016 I was driving to Chicago. Here's how I did that.

March 19, 2016 I had this terrible coffee meeting. Then it was the weekend, but I was looking for leases that started in June. They were out there and eventually, with help, I found a studio to move into after June 3 and a view of the Minneapolis skyline. But frankly the lease was the easy part. I resolved to my therapist that I would be back on the couch, even though I hated living in Minneapolis, this was the wrong way to leave. That resolve underscored the hard arrangements I had to make.

I had to figure out what to do with my stuff--moving and storage. I had to make arrangements at my job, essentially, for a leave of absence. I had to plan these things, have these meetings, and act. And quickly.

A year or two earlier I'd house sat at a place just off MN-280 near Como, when I'd biked up there I always passed this U-Haul storage spot. So I went there and told them I'd need a storage space from March to June. The way the leases got hashed out, the cost actually seemed like a wash. I'd pay the same amount to store my stuff for three months as I would've paid for one month at the house I was leaving. The storage space was 5x10 and I had about half of my life to pack up in there.

Doing that right is life-size Tetris. To win you have to do front end work with measuring tape and organization. This was an opportunity to be obsessive. I made piles and taped off the area of the storage unit on my bedroom floor.

For a few days I was walking around these piles. Eventually I set things in the area of my room I'd taped off as the 1:1 schematic I'd figured out for the storage unit. This space I could walk around from any side rather than the actual unit which had a door everything would have to go through. There was a distinct ship in a bottle inspiration here, which I guess is a metaphor for what I was doing with my life. But what was more of a shocking experience was seeing everything, all my material life in one place like this.

I sketched it into my notebook and slept with this pile of stuff on it's side and packed together like a weird installation piece in a modern art museum.

I also came up with a routine for getting everything in place. Figuring out the order in which to do things is very important for efficiency--I knew exactly how I was going to pack this 5x10 unit; I had a sense of how many trips I wanted to take with a rental van; drawers were packed with items off my desk and taped shut; I knew where things could be stacked on top of stored furniture.

But there was some unexpected work to do. I didn't want to leave anything behind. So there was a night I just stood in every room in the house and cataloguing what was mine. Then I gathered it in my room. I took notes and started the sort of hypothetical schema of how things were going to further thin out in the future.

Two thirds my things I'd leave in Minneapolis, the size of the storage space. A third I'd bring to Chicago, it had to fit in a VW beetle. Some smaller group of things I'd take with me to Europe and then back to Minneapolis, which had to fit in a shoulder bag. Compartmentalizing life in these very distinct and logarithmic scales creates a very personalized existential feeling of butterflies in the stomach, like the powers of ten video. But this was also a bit of healing.

Previously this kind of planning was laborious albeit welcome, the only way through the grand scale of my life. Now I had to live in the day. I'd set out whole months where I intended to stay on the track of eating a cup of rice and an egg everyday and sipping 20 ounces of whole milk hot chocolate at work. When I was derailed it would take hours to get around to dialing phone numbers. Moving was like a splash of ice water to the face in the morning. This move was a bit of harsh medicine, moving back to taking the curveballs life throws and dealing with problems out of my control.

Finally, the day to move came. March 26, 2016 I was opening at the coffee shop, so I woke up at 4:00am. I got to work probably an hour later and worked a full shift till 1:30pm. I biked straight from work to the U-Haul center and picked up the van. I made a few calls. Then I started packing.

I had some help from my family to move some things around and get me out of the house I'd lived in since August 2015. Everything was in the storage unit by about 7:30pm, I hadn't eaten since before noon and was doing most of this moving with my wasted muscles on my own, and it started to rain. In the dark and rain I biked to my cousin's house and ate three sloppy-joe's in a row. That night we slept in a hotel. I'd been up for 17 hours, gone through full work day, moved 90 percent of my things, and packed this storage space with the help of my notebook before I got ready for bed.

March 27, 2016 I ate as much as I could at the continental breakfast. We packed the VW beetle. I wrote a letter to my roommate. Then I drove for eight hours back to Chicago. We only stopped at a purely Wisconsin road stop.

There's some important points I've glossed over. A breakfast with an old friend where I started to figure out what had happened for one. But more important, I received one of the greatest graces I've been offered during this week. My manager knew a lot of what I was dealing with at the time, I think just by observation and a few surprising interactions with my roommate, but we still needed to have a conversation.

I explained how suddenly everything had come to a head. There was already a time-off request that had been approved for April into May, but that had to change as a result of the situations I didn't choose but now had to deal with in the struggle toward Chicago and health. My manager generously made a deal with me: I had to send a weekly update about my plans, in return I'd still have a place when I got back and wouldn't have to go through the problems of transferring or reapplying. There's a lot that could be said about the place I worked, but the mantra of that company is that they are a people company that connects with customers with coffee. That means that they take good care of their employees. That was my experience, and I'm thankful for it.

To continue piecing together what happened to me last year, I'll be reviewing the letters to my manager over the next weeks concurrently with events as they unfolded a year ago. I sent updates every Monday. I recovered over the next months after these dramatic weeks at the beginning of 2016. But I was also, in some sense, completely unmoored; no home to come back to and just the promise of a job and the desire to continue healing when I came back to Minneapolis in June.

#Moving #planning #packing #arguments

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opepin · 8 years

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january: week one

02: i woke up late and waited for hillary to pick me up. i decided to go to gyu-kaku with everyone today but aimed to not get the all-you-can-eat. my stomach was feeling weird from the 3 arts club cafe burger. hillary picked me up and we drove to gyu-kaku. we found parking right in front of the place and then we went in and found out that the wait time was 1 hour and 30 minutes. we called up everyone and everyone said they were fine with it. so we met up with mindy and garrick and they got some coffee and we walked over to water tower. it was garrick’s first time there too! we ended up in “the limited” and i was so amazed by the fixtures and stuff. i would have bought some of it but i don’t think i needed anything. mindy, hillary, and ashley got things for real cheap because they were closing out. it was about time to head back and we got a call from them saying that our table was ready. we rushed back and sat down and everyone got $45 ayce because everyone wanted to sit together and just eat. we went for 3-4 rounds. i was the first one to tag out LOL. it was so salty and i just wanted dessert :( hahah. we managed to eat everything plus a lady m green tea cake. we were all dead after.

hillary drove home, mindy and garrick took a lyft, and then ashley and i walked to a starbucks near the red line so i could get on that and she could wait for her ride. hehe, thanks for guiding me, ashley! i got off diversey brown line and walked over to firecakes, where hen was working. i should have gotten off fullerton...because it was closer than diversey, but oh well, it was really nice to walk off some of the food. the clark st. firecakes’ location is so cute <333 hen threw out the garbage, i met her co-worker, and then we commuted home together because we were going the same way. we realized that everywhere was closed because new year is observed today so we just caught up on our ride back home. i’ve missed hen <33333 i love hanging out with her because i feel like she brings out something in me in a way she only can. we’re silly together. cluck cluck cluck.

hen gave me one of her beautifully crafted milk bottles and a beautiful notebook and a very touching card. i love this girl so much and only wish the best for her <3 so happy that she was one of the few friends i made while at SAIC. i ended the night by exercising because i felt like poop and then talking to kevin because he’s coming back tomorrow~~ tomorrow is a jam-packed day. i can’t wait.

03: i managed to get up at 6:20 am and tom actually picked me up at 6:40 am! go us! the only thing is that it was extremely foggy outside. it was so foggy that i could see it in my neighborhood LOL. we drove out to foster beach and then talked and waited to see the sunrise. we talked about how we’ve been doing and etc and it was really nice. i feel like tom expressed feelings that i’ve been feeling but haven’t really said it out loud. it’s nice knowing that a friend is going through the same thing as you. it hit 7:19 am and it was brighter, but there was no sun to be seen LOL. i think we stayed there a bit longer and then tom drove us to yellow rose cafe in jeff park. this diner is great! our waitress/maybe owner greeted us and took our orders. she gave tom the homemade hot sauce and his reaction was lulz. she made fun of him for a bit. tom and i ate and continued talking. it was one of those deep conversations that i haven’t had in a long time so it was something i realized i needed. the conversations continued in the car on the way back to my house and then he dropped me off. thank you for spending quality 1-on-1 time with me, tom! ((:

it was around 10:30 am when i got back and i ended up napping for an hour. then i put my jacket back on and brought my book bag and stuff and commuted to SAIC to meet up with chewy! we got into the office and talked with kate and nancy! they were the only ones we knew there and apparently, it was their first day back in the office from break. it was nice talking to them and updating them on our lives. i love them so! i’m said vicki and theresa were still on break and i missed them. chewy and i went to russian tea time and got afternoon tea. we got the savory items, tea, and chocolate lava cake (as usual). he caught up, talked, and etc. I’VE MISSED THIS GIRL SO MUCH! she’s been out in LA doing her thing for so long ): it was really great seeing her again. i walked her to the train and then waited for my mom to pick me up. it was like i was in school again lol. we stopped by hong kong market (for an hour, wut) and then drove back home. my mom made dinner, i fell asleep again, woke up and ate, and then we drove to union station to pick up kevin!!! <3333

we talked about his vacation and then kevin gave my family some holiday chocolates, unpacked-ish, and ate dinner. i missed this bear! hehe. we spent the night catching up and making sure that he wouldn’t get sicker haha. we went to sleep pretty late either at 1 or 2 am, but i can’t wait to spend time with kevin again in chicago (((((:

04: kevin and i met up with nluu in ford for lunch. we got lunch at tomate and walked over. i got my chicken quinoa salad with a chicken tamale. kevin got a gordita and a burrito? or a taco? i forget. it was yummy though. we caught up and talked. ryan came by after his class and we talked. they made plans to go climbing every day LOL. we walked with ryan back to tomate and then drove him to tech. then we drove back home and chilled until kevin went climbing. i stayed home and worked out. then i showered and ryan picked me up to go to dice dojo! ryan also was the mvp for ordering and getting our dinner from 527 cafe. we found parking, walked over, and went inside. omg, it’s such a cool place! it’s also much more spacious than i thought it would be. everyone was down in the basement. kevin, ryan, and i ate while watching them play a code/picture game. my popcorn chicken salad was bomb af. i would definitely get this again. i was on a salad streak because i wasn’t eating enough greens x_x i was trying to make up for it LOL.

i played fluxx with winson, ryan, and kevin. michelle came through! then me and the guys headed to a viet restaurant so winston could fill his belly. he got pho, ryan got some spring rolls (he gave me half of one), and kevin got a chicken banh mi with taro bubble tea, which i ate 1/3 and drank some. i got a thai iced tea. ryan’s hate for new york is amazing LOL. i love how he puts it into words. i agree with him but it seems like he was scarred from a past event (he wasn’t), but he is so particular about his reasons for disliking new york. it’s great. winston is planning to get a new job and move out there so that’s what sparked the conversation. i missed everyone <3 we all ran to walgreens and got a pack of water bottles and ran back to dice dojo. ryan ran like he stole it from there or something LOL. winston got hiccups from running with us. it was great lololol.

we passed out the water and then i got strung into playing avalon, which i was confused by and really didn’t like. i effed it up for our team because i didn’t see that kevin was on my team. i thought there were only 3 spies?! so i passed it on accident...sorta, but my team guessed winston was merlin and they were right! yeah, never playing that game. then we paired up and played dix it. jia and i were in last place but oh well haha. peter and nluu were killing it for some reason, ahah. then everyone left at 12 am? i think that was closing time and we said our goodbyes. i was nice seeing matthew and winston again! hehe. kevin drove us home and then we showered and went to sleep. zzz. it’s been an eventful week so far.

05: kevin and i woke up late and then ate some congee. then we drove out to cafe orient 33 to pick up food and eat it while watching pokemon sun and moon episodes. we were going to watch ‘la la land’ but i decided against it because it was kind of cold and i don’t know if kevin would like it. so we ate (i have missed this food -- still so good) and then chilled until i needed to meet hen for dinner and kevin had to meet up with everyone to go climbing. i met up with hen at sabri nihari and the service was great. our servers were so funny. i got to spend more time with hen talking about food and life. the chicken biryani was huge and i sacrificed my stomach for mango lassi. the samosas were so good! the vegetarian one is still my favorite. everything was delicious. we ate wayy too much though. we decided to walk back home in the freezing cold. we walked together until devon and california. hen actually moved closer to me T__T we are so close but yet so far away now! then i toughed it out and walked the rest of the way home. hen had a bit less to walk but we both made it!

kevin was still out so i did an intense af workout. i mixed up videos and did 20 minutes of hiit, 10 min of intense abs, 10 min of blogilate abs, and 20 minutes of hip hop cardio. it felt good but my body feels so weak now. i took a quick shower and then opened the door for kevin. he drank all of the mango lassi i got him when he came back. he ate a lot today .__. he also ate spicy rice cake at joong boo market before climbing. lolool. did he even climb? idk. :P jk haaha. o we digested and then went to sleep after a long day of activity out in the cold haha.

06: kevin dropped me off at cupitol so that i could meet up with michelle and nluu. i got there first so i ordered tea and the gravlax and eggs plate with gluten free bread except that the cashier kept putting in the bagel and i didn’t want the bagel because it had cream cheese and he was confused whether or not i wanted gluten free bread or not. x__x another person helped us out and then i grabbed a seat at the only empty large table so i could save michelle and nluu a seat. my food was disappointing because the smoked salmon was cut so freaking thick and i only got one slice of bread LOL. then a large group of people came and they kicked me out of my seat and then they changed their mind about dining here. .___. finally, michelle and nluu came. i pretty much was anxious the entire time at cupitol. i do not recommend this place. i feel like they are also a bit on the pricey side. so yeah. omg, too many things happening in the morning for me.

we ate lunch together and chilled until nluu had to go back to research. michelle dropped him off and then we drove to ikea. i listened to the moana soundtrack and also showed michelle jay park’s album LOL. i love it so much but i hate the lyrics T_T we talked and stuff and i realized that i was being real oversensitive about things and maybe other things were contributing to how i was feeling about being back in chicago and seeing people. michelle was supposed to figure out what bed frame and sofa she wanted. we did that but also focused on buying kitchen stuff and smaller apartment things. we got matching funnels, ayyy! i also finally got tape measure for my apartment lol. i learned that other ikeas are set up with show rooms first then items unlike this one near chicago. it kind of blew my mind because this ikea is all i know.

we ended the trip with a soft serve and a freshly baked cinnamon rolll. mmm. we also got everyone else a six pack of cinnamon rolls. michelle drove us back and we talked about life lol. it sucks to be in your early 20′s. we stopped by ryan’s and then drove out from there. i didn’t know how long the ikea trip was going to be so i had the house keys so when kevin was done visiting his lab at nu, he couldn’t get his climbing stuff to go with ryan T__T i felt so bad. but he chilled at lab for a bit longer and then met up with ryan at his apartment after. also, sorry ryan! lol he ended up climbing alone. poop. anyway, we all drove to dengeo’s (after getting ashley and winston) where we met up with tom, peter, and honglin. we ate and then michelle went to get terence. then we all drove to the escape room in morton grove. the location is shady af LOLOL.

we had orientation and then we basically pushed into the room and locked in. it was terrifying. there was a butler to help give us hints (helpful or not) and he gave us the backstory. i hear chains in the background so kevin and i move behind some people. then the lights flicker and the zombie actress pops out of nowhere and screams OMG OMG OMG LOLOLOL. kevin and i jumped in the opposite direction HAHAHA. she couldn’t get anywhere though because her chain wasn’t long enough yet... we were all shitting our pants trying to find clues and kevin and winston volunteered as tribute to go into the bathroom area (where the zombie was chained). there were a few seconds of feeding time when the zombie was eating, but that time ended and they were locked in the stall LOLOLOLOL. they “died” (zombie taps you, you’re out but the butler revives you after you do something silly for him) and it’s safe to say that they were scared shitless. kevin was the martyr of the group and he kept dying. i would like to think that she aimed for him because he was the funniest to scare (kevin would literally run backwards to the furthest wall). she also liked scaring peter. POOR PETER! haha.

i don’t think i helped much other than doing the final step of getting the keys. i got a key out with my fingers but the butler didn’t accept it because we were supposed to get the tools hung on the bathroom stall to open the vent where it was stuck...i also got the key from a painting’s eyeball too after helping figure out the morse code via the top planks of wood. we only got 3 out of the 4 keys and then we all died hahaha. it was a pretty great experience tbh. the zombie actress was soooo good! she like threw things (kind of at us but not really) and acted her part real well. she wasn’t so scary after the game ended. we all drove to ford to play telestrations and it was great. sarah can draw so well!!! terence is also a pretty great illustrator. we munched on the cinnamon rolls from ikea and candy that ryan bought. we played until 12 am and then we all drove home. kevin and i hugged everyone goodbye. it was a great end to our trip back home. the escape room and telestrations seemed like they happened on two different days though haha. kevin and i drove back and showered and went to sleep. zzz.

07: you guessed it! our flight got cancelled. that was the first thing i saw when i woke up in the morning. kevin had the option of switching his flight online but for some reason, i didn’t. so i called and waited. luckily, there was a 4:40 pm flight tomorrow so we both signed up for that. kevin went climbing with ryan and i just stayed in bed. i eventually got up and ate leftover chicken biryani for breakfast. then i snuggled with my mom on the couch. she fell asleep and kevin came back. then she went to sleep upstairs because she felt like she was getting sick D: kevin and i just chilled in the bedroom the entire day. my body felt blech too. i ended up dosing in and out multiple times during the day. we did manage to make reservations at sumi robata for dinner so that we would get some outside time lol. i got my mom water from downstairs and my brother was hanging out with his friend in the living room. when it was about time to go, we changed and headed out. i dropped off victoria’s gift at her apartment and then got her delicious peppermint mocha cookies. OMG I’M IN LOVE. THEY’RE SO DELICIOUS. my throat hurt but i kept eating them anyway.

we got a super close spot near sumi and then got seated. it was way busier than the last two times we went. there were some seating issues with another group and service seemed sloppier? we also had to wait for our tea for a while and had to ask for plates. they also no longer have the chopsticks and chopstick holders that we liked x__X idk. haha. overall, the food was great though. the chicken thigh and beef tsukune slider were still bomb af and their kakigori flavor was soo good. it was an orange creamsicle flavor. we also got baked scallops and the sweet potato fries, which were new to us but SO GOOD. we would eat that all day any day. after a day of staying in and eating, we settled back into bed and kevin tried watching a dota game but we both ended up falling asleep at like 1 am, ahahha.

08: we woke up later than i told my parents, but they weren’t really bothered by it. i think they were expecting it LOL. we finished packing and headed out. we went to cai to get dim sum and it was packed af! my mom managed to get us a table quickly :P she has real good bargaining skills. then kevin and i checked off things that we wanted and everyone ate pretty quickly. i obviously ordered the mango tapioca pudding with condensed milk <333 then i struggled to eat everything else we ordered. the mango mochi had a ton of cream inside, but it had chunks of mango in it too, which made me sad because i couldn’t eat all of it. the crab xiao long bao were disappointing...but everything else was fine. my parents drove us to midway and then we said goodbye. we got on the standby list for the 2:25 pm flight straight to boston. i realized that the 7 people in front of us were from the same family so i was hopeful that we’d get seats. gg us because they decided to take all 3 empty seats and split as a family -___-” wtf. we should have called earlier and asked to be put on standby :/

we waited until 4:40 pm to get on our original flight to kansas city. before we boarded, we were told our flight to boston would be delayed about 2 hours...we played pokemon on the flight and experienced some pretty bad turbulence before landing. we were then notified that our flight to boston would be delayed another 30 minutes. so kevin and i went to the nearest restaurant, which was a bbq place and got dinner. i got this less than avarage salmon salad for $17...and kevin got their beef brisket, which only tasted good dipped in bbq sauce. sigh. there was a lady in the same boat as us and she was so nice. we connected through this tragic flying situation and she offered us half of her fries LOL. we went down to wait and i tried walking around but there was pretty much nowhere to walk to because the airport was so small.

we played pokemon to pass the time. they also had boomerang and cartoon network playing on the screens, which was nice. we finally boarded at 9:30 pm and in the air at 9:50 pm. it was a long 4 hour flight (including the time difference). i played more pokemon, we tried napping, etc. we got wheat thins on this flight, which was nice. i sent an email to southwest complaining about my terrible experience all around and i hope they answer me. it’s fucking ridiculous tbh. anyway, we landed at like 2 am and got our bags. then we took an uber back and decided to stay up until 5 am unpacking, opening packages, reading mail, and making ourselves back at home. tomorrow is going to suck for kevin because he wants to go to work but we went to sleep at 5 am. this is my worst experience traveling so far. it was literally an entire day plus some of traveling.

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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What was the brand of your first ever cell phone? It was one of the Nokias with a lime green screen and Space Impact and a super ancient version of Snake. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? Twitter, YouTube, and Reddit. Do you have a favorite pair of blue jeans? Describe them. They’re skinny jeans and high-waisted. I just borrow them from my sister though so I don’t get to use it a lot. :( What profession do you respect? All of them. Have you ever been the recipient of a practical joke? Sure. My mom once pulled a joke on me when I was about 8. I told her my hiccups wouldn’t stop; she didn’t mind it first, but then she tells me about how she received a call from my school saying someone had stolen some of the eggs from the cafeteria. Now, as someone who used to buy egg sandwiches in school, I was immediately interested haha. Soon enough my mom tells me that the school claims they saw me did it, so I started to panic and beg for my mom to cover my ass. I was absolutely scared and freaking out at the mall at that point, and I just wanted to be let off the hook from this random-ass egg fiasco.

She ends her entire spiel by saying, “Your hiccups stopped, didn’t they?”

Have you ever ate something you've dropped on the floor, if so what? I eat food off the floor when I drop them all the time, but there was one instance my siomai fell onto the ground that had a gravel finish. Immediate regrets. Would you consider being an Uber driver if you needed to make extra money? Yes. How do you know when you're in love, what's the main sign? I’ve only fell in love once, but the main sign for me during the time was that I began crying over them. Like just outright emotional, and I didn’t understand why. Turns out that not-understanding is just me trying to deny it. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? I bought an already-autographed poster of AJ Lee. I dunno if that counts. Although, Andrew DID just have a meet-and-greet with another wrestler, Sheamus, last Tuesday. He said he had a print of Sheamus’ autographed for me. I don’t know if he was serious, but it would be so swell if it’s real. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? I haven’t been to either. What do you long for? A successful thesis. If you could be a personal assistant to anyone, who would it be? BEYONCÉ What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? Seeing a therapist would probably be the first, most obvious way to go. What makes it hard for you to keep your focus? The internet haha. Case in point: I planned to study a 33-page reading last night, but I kept getting distrated by notifications that came in my phone. Even if I tried to turn off the wi-fi, I’d turn it back on if I wanted to check for any new messages. After three hours, I was still only on page 9. Do you think society has become too PC (politically correct)? It definitely has, and I might be the only person on this hill but I’m kind of glad it has. I don’t mind a little or a lot of political correctness. PH isn’t a very progressive country in itself and you’d be shocked to find out just how many Filipinos still use a lot of backwards terms, so it’s healthy for me to know what the inoffensive words are. What tragic love story do you relate to? I don’t know if there’s any. Has your intuition or "gut" served you well? Its definitely had its ups. Back in 2015, coming home from school, I saw my mom’s car parked in our driveway. That NEVER happens. Immediately felt sick sick to my stomach and believed a grandparent had died. Not because my mom was sick and had to go home, not because my mom had an errand to run, but because a grandparent died. It was my grandfather (her dad) who died that day. What's the longest you've ever waited in line for something and what was it? My sister and I lined up for 8 hours outside the Mall of Asia Arena for our One Direction concert. The titanium section was first-come first-served, so we wanted to go in in early. SPOILER ALERT: arriving 8 hours before the concert – for One Direction for that matter – is late as fuck. Who is your favorite model? Taylor Hill or Kendall Jenner. What have you done that is out of character for you? Be head of the external affairs committee in my org. Literally the last committee I would have had signed up for. The job is everything I hate, until super super recently. Would you rather get a gift card or a gift that someone bought for you? As long as they thought of me while getting the gift, it’s immediately special for me. Who is the most visionary person in your life & how do they inspire you? My internship boss is so cool. She’s one of the smartest people I know and she has a really snappy sense of diskarte (Filipino word that’s hard to translate; think resourcefulness or mojo). She’s seen a lot and been through a lot, and I couldn’t help but look up to her during my stint in their company. How do you handle a betrayal? Cut the betrayer/s out of my life. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? Anything that aims to support or glorify the Marcoses. What's the biggest blooper you've never lived down? We were playing Heads Up! at a family Chrismas party several Christmases ago. My category was Filipino Christmas food – and mind you I’m not super familiar with all of them because I’m generally not a fan of Filipino rice cakes. Anyway, I name every food I know one by one, and I excitedly scream out “PUTO BIMBING” and I saw every single damn relative in front of me collapse and start having seizures and SCREAMING AT ME from laughing too hard. I swear they must have laughed in my face for like 3 minutes. Apparently, the right word is ‘puto bumbong.’ To this day I still don’t know why I blurted out bimbing, I’m literally laughing so hard right now just typing this down :((((( My family brings it up literally once every couple of months or so. This blooper is probably only funny for Filipinos, but still. If you owned a restaurant what kind of food do you want to serve? Gourmet burgers. What will we find if we look in the bottom of your closet today? You would see the books I was assigned to read in school, so that includes a copy of Holes, Number the Stars, Bridge to Terabithia, etc and all of my Shakespeares. All of my AJ Lee action figures are there too, as well as my signed poster of hers. There’s a bunch of other knickknacks in there. What kind of car did you learn how to drive on? The first car I ever tried to drive was my parents’ old Mitsubishi Lancer. I only drove it once because my trial drive drove my mom crazy. I passed my driving test in a Hyundai Elantra, which is honestly such a shitty car and I nearly failed the test because I simply didn’t work well with it. I mostly had to learn with my present car, my Mitsubishi Mirage. I was going to start college and had little time to practice, so when I had to start driving myself to school, that was my practice in itself. What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can't? Be in a healthy, long-term relationship. My mom used to tell me all the time that no one will ever love me because of how disorganized I am. She meant it seriously, so it stung for many years and also affected the way I dealt with other people. Have you ever had to go to court or testify and if so what for? Nope. Do you believe in karma? It’s fun to fantasize about, but I don’t religiously or spiritually believe in it. Are you more worried about doing the things right, or doing the right thing? Doing the right thing. I hate getting in trouble. Do you believe in the term "Mother knows best?” To some extent, yes. Who is your favorite movie action hero? I was never big on the hero narrative in movies, or any text for that matter. What is one thing you can get in your hometown you can't get elsewhere? My grandmother’s cooking. How important are looks in someone you're in a relationship with? Like, a 4 out of 10. I almost went with dating Mike because he’s really intelligent, even though I found him 0% attractive. What freedom do you feel is not really free anymore? Social media. It used to be a place where we would just post updates, share music, talk to our friends, be goofy in general; nowadays if you fuck up on a joke you thought was harmless, it’d be so easy to end you for good. Also, people would EASILY shoot you down over an opinion that’s different from theirs. I dunno, I just think that we think it’s a ginormous free space for all when really, everyone’s just kind of out there to catch our asses when they see fit. What are you most thankful for? The people who never left. Do you have any favorite talk shows or talk radio programs without music? Not really. I’m a fan of several YouTube series/specials, but I don’t follow talk shows a lot. What was the last book you read? Do readings count? I had to read materials for my Contemporary Philippines class just earlier. What's your favorite online store? I don’t remember where I bought my coloring books from, but it’s either Shopee or Lazada. What band would you love to tour with or be a roadie for? Paramore.

If you were to throw a message in a bottle into the ocean, it would say? I dunno how I feel about that. I feel like it contributes to polluting the oceans more, so I’d rather not do it even if I can come up with a witty message. Do you have common sense or do you think people are lacking in it? Hahahaha it’s here and there. Sometimes I embarrassingly lack it. What's your favorite non-alcoholic drink? Salty Cream Chocolate milk tea from CoCo. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? I don’t really go to those, but something similar we have is called ukay-ukay, which sells secondhand clothes. I’ve recently been converted as a fan after shunning them for a very long time, as all my new tops have been from ukay-ukays haha. What do you like to put gravy on? Fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? Yes! I did it in Palawan. It was breathtaking to do it there. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? Knowing where I go to school, hahaha. What is priceless to you? Dogs finding their forever homes. What do you wait for discount sales to buy? Clothes, mainly. What is one thing you know about your family history you're proud of? I have a lot of amazing ancestors who were crucial to my country’s history, e.g. I’m related to one of the women who sewed the first Philippine flag, one of the diplomats who signed the Treaty of Paris (the treaty in itself is definitely not something to be proud of, but my relative is permanently etched in history nonetheless because of this), and one of my distant great-uncles published a nationalist history book that’s still being greatly relied on in the PH educational system and academe to this day. There’s a lot to be proud of, definitely. What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? I don’t have a permanent three-song set as my favorites will always change. But right now, it would be composed of Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House, Pool by Paramore, and Outta My Head by Khalid and John Mayer. What is the craziest thing you've ever done for someone? When I was a freshie in college, I once drove for an hour and a half to visit Gabie for ten minutes. Do you keep a budget? I have to. If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? For freeloader groupmates to help out in class projects. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Uh. Sleep? Who depends on you the most? My parents, probably. Could you ever be someone's bodyguard? I doubt it. Pretty sure anyone could break my bones easily lol. Has one of your biggest fears come true? Nope. Is there anything about the opposite sex you just don't understand? A lot of things... Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? I’ve allowed Gabie many times because I was always just too weak, yeah. Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? Not really, but when I was in high school I had a stupid phase where I wanted my future boyfriend to be a certain name, because back then I thought that name was attractive LMAAAAOOOO.

If so, what were two things you wanted? He had to be named Gino (IT WAS A POPULAR FILIPINO NAME IN 2015 OK), and he had to be academically smart. This was before I realized I really really don’t like boys. Have you ever ridden on a subway or train an what did you like about it? I rode the train once when I had to do legwork for a journ class and there was no other way to get to the place than to commute. I rode with Jum because I have no idea how to commute alone. I remember liking the fact that it was cold and spacious in the train at the time I got in – then again, it was at a dead hour. I’m sure it’s nothing like that in reality. What song on your playlist gets played the most? I try to listen to all my favorite songs equally. Have you ever received a harsher punishment than you deserved? I don’t think so. Back when my mom used to ground me I used to think I was being abused and I felt so victimized lol. At 21, looking back, it turns out my rebel ass deserved to be whipped with a belt lmfao. Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? I prefer people I can vibe well with, regardless of their strengths and sex. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? Yes. Has anyone in your family ever served in the military? My great-grandfather is a WWII veteran and a survivor of the Death March in Bataan. Finish the next line in your style: Roses are red, violets are blue... Why am I on Tumblr, when I still have much to do? :((( What embarrasses you instantly? Dropping stuff. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? No, but I did want to be one when I was young. Firefighters have to be insanely strong because they carry a lot of heavy stuff and...I’m just not...that. Also because I panic easily, and that’s certainly not a good thing in that line of work. Do you often read your horoscope? Never. I don’t care for mine. What current event are you tired of hearing about? Mmm I’m not sure. I kind of care about everything that’s happening in the world at the moment, especially with regard to Hong Kong. Are you a daredevil? Nah. What do you think should be censored? Homophobic / biphobic / transphobic shit. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? I already expounded on this quite a few questions back in this survey. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Yeah, to people I find really important. How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? It doesn’t last forever and I’ll be getting my own house in the next 8-10 years. Have you ever fired a gun? Nope. Do you think people, including yourself live up to their full potential? We should be, anyway. I try to. How are you different from most people? My left pinky is super crooked :( What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? The ability to apologize to your child and recognize that parents can make mistakes too. What creature do you admire for its ability to adapt? As much as I despise them, fucking cockroaches. Have you ever stayed up for an entire 24 hours, why? Nah. I just know I wouldn’t function properly if I did, and I’d be so cranky too. Who is a female role model in your life? I don’t have any. What childhood dreams have you neglected? Being an astronaut, a veterinarian, a writer, and a firefighter. How often do you reevaluate your life? I honestly don’t get the time to, which sucks. I’ve always thought of getting one of those 5-year journals that let you answer one question everyday for the next five years so that you’re able to see how much you mature in that time. It would be nice to have mini-reflections/evaluations everyday, but one copy of it is pretty expensive so I never got around to buying them. What's your favorite place just to hang out? Coffee shops. What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? The future. What three things do you think of most of each day? The tasks I have to do, feeding my dog, and calculating the amount of sleep I’ll be getting at night. Would you travel to space if possible? YES. I’ve always said this has always been a dream of mine. Name a famous person you wouldn't mind for a business partner. Kylie Jenner.

#survey #surveys

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s3venpounds · 5 years

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1-98

thank you my dewd for giving me something to do! ngl was going kinda insane and i’ll take anything over doing chores tbh also sorry if this is hella late

weird asks that say a lot

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

coffee mugs usually because they hold more liquid and i use them for everything lol tea, coffee, alcohol, soda

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

lollipops, i like having something in my mouth for long amounts of time(and yes pun intended)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy oh my god. I have such a sweet tooth its ridiculous. I once bought 7 large bags of cotton candy from K days and ate them for the next 2 months even when they got hard and probably nasty lmao i just love that shit. even cotton candy flavoured stuff ( except vodka. thats a trap. )

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

shy, reserved, well behaved basically i was a wimpy little shit

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I like them in glass cups so i can clean it afterwards and use it again later, waste makes me feel guilty

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

if its applied to me? pastel. I love brighter colors after i stopped wearing blacks greys and whites. they feel so good and look so nice. on someone im interested in? sportswear, formal, grunge, goth, pastel, tomboy. in no particular order. if its sportswear stuff that really highlights muscles and how toned they are just MMMMMMMM. formal is fuckkkkkkking attractive. like if the white collar shirt is unbuttoned halfway and the blazer is rolled up? or no blazer but with suspenders and the sleeves rolled up? OMG i will literally lick their collarbones idgaf

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphones, mostly because its just healthier for your ears, as much as i like earphones and use them more often i just prefer headphones cuz people usually dont bother me, i do dislike the hat hair though and how bulky they are

8. movies or tv shows?

im kind of a weeb so i much prefer tv shows with regular releases so im not waiting 6 years or something for avengers lol i need my fixxxxxxxxxxx

9. favorite smell in the summer?

after rain smell or during rain smell idk. carnival food? the ocean? just water scents i guess

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

dance or volleyball both of which im still doing to this day very happily c:

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

cereal, maybe some nutella, whatevers left over if someone cooked the night prior or just basic bacon eggs and rice. fried rice if im feeling lucky

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Emotions empty. YEET

13. lanyard or key ring?

lanyard. I’ve had the same spidergwen/ghost spider lanyard since like 2015 and i refuse to use another lol. it feels so cool to yank on the lanyard and swing it around

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

rock candy. hands down. that shit makes me nutty. like if i was an earth bender or some shit i’d make a giant club made of the stuff and smack people with it and lick it afterwards

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

the outsiders probably i mean its not like crazy favourite but like its the one i enjoyed the most out of the ones i was forced to read (i really hate being forced to do shit)

16. most comfortable position to sit in? criss cross as im doing right now lmao or sitting on one of my legs

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? ah shit I just threw them out cuz they were old af but i had these nike high tops with the little puffy thing that inflates the sides of the shoes to make it more comfortable and it was so good in the winter and summer. it like breathed enough to let my feet stay nice and cool but it also stayed warm and never let snow get in my shoes cuz they were so high they acted like boots. i wore those for like my entire highschool experience

18. ideal weather?

raining. or breezy day. wind makes me sleepy and rain makes me excited to jump around in puddles and run as if my lifes calling is pulling me towards it

19. sleeping position?

I always sleep on my stomach. its my most comfortable position and i knock out so easily if i do. apparently its a family thing too lol my siblings all outgrew it but w.e

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

on a laptop or in my journal. the tapping of laptop keys makes me feel productive while writing in my journal makes me feel like itll be saved for the rest of my life

21. obsession from childhood?

psychology and the inner workings of the mind. why something thinks lowly of themselves, why someone thinks highly of themselves, how they came to this decision, why they thought to refuse this and that its really interesting to me to see peoples reasoning

22. role model?

not even a physical person but ALL MIGHT from my hero academia or boku no hero academia. yknow that phrase ? “ what would jesus do?” yeah its “what would all might do?” for me luuuuuuuuuuuuul

23. strange habits?

i dont really know any strange habits myself but im sure my friend justin knows a few

24. favorite crystal?

crystal???? uhhh i dont know much about this but i guess i would go with emerald? since its my birth stone?

25. first song you remember hearing?

a barney song. i shit you not.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

I dont really like the heat all that much. summer is just suffering to me tbh lol like what do you do when youve taken off all ur clothes, ur AC is dead and your room is the highest room in the house where all the heat gathers? nothing. you do nothing. you cry and almost get heat stroke.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

I loooooooooooove snowboarding im not good at it though but god damn its fun. specially with friends and learning together it makes me so happy seeing people grow c:

28. five songs to describe you?

fix you cold play(currently listening to this), im still here (treasure planet soundtrack) by john reznik, Good things fall apart Jon bellion, lost stars Adam levine, After Dark Asian Kung Fu Generation. is what i can say so far? i’ve got tons of songs i relate to those are the ones that just popped into mind

29. best way to bond with you?

be physical. touch me, graze me, be comfortable with me and hold up a conversation. As much as i like talking I LOVE hearing about the people im interacting with. hobbies, dreams, goals, nightmares everything. other than that? just spend time with me. any time is fine. i do prefer really deep conversations at like 3 am lol

30. places that you find sacred?

sacred to me? St. Clements park and not much else. a looooooooooot of shit has happened there. my first kiss, my worst break up, my best make up/make out, my best date.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

I got these leather boots that do a clack sound on pavement and i feel powerful as fuck. I got this really high quality black formal shirt from le chateau that breathes really well and highlights my figure. I have these black jeans with zippers above and below the kneecap that make me feel dope. so yeah full black lol. theres also this grey sweater i have that flows in the wing like a cape and i feel like a superhero when wind blows it behind me

32. top five favorite vines?

ok ok theres this one i cannot find again for the life of me but its like this asian guy sittin in a stall taking a dump and it cuts to an ice cream dispenser then some dude knocks on the door and the asian guy gasps and it cuts to the ice cream dispenser but goes backwards so the poop is like going back in and the asian guy goes like “ unnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhh” and shudders and i like fucking collapse a lung everytime i think about it. some of king vaders anime parodies are fucking hilarious, the dude who made that vine where “ if johnny has 23 dish soaps” and he goes “ wait why does johnny have 23 dish soaps” and he goes “ mind your business david” while playing with dishsoap lmao. OH OH and that one where the kid puts random shit on his head to signify its his mom like where he goes “ I like ya accent where ya from?” “ im from liberia” “ *in a whisper* oh my bad I like ya accent where ya from” yeah this is longer than i thought i’ll stop it here i still got like 60 questions left

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“lmao” i’ve now used to as a similar term to lol. sometimes i say it in irl like “ le mao” and i internally cringe everytime

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

pizza 73, sleep country canada “why buy a mattress any where elseee” and some spotify ads cuz theyre fucking everywhere

35. average time you fall asleep?

midnight or 10 at the earliest

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

god... uhhh.. one of those rage comics those old ass black n white memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag, i am NOT organized enough for a suitcase plus duffels i can carry across my chest like a backpack

38. lemonade or tea?

oof. lemonade from k days was really gooooooood. but tea is something im always comfortable with.. ill go with tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? cake defnitely. cake tastes more mellow while meringue is like a burst of flavour right away

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

a dude OD’d during school hours or that time a dude had a seisure in class

41. last person you texted?

clarence

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

jacket pockets if i wanna look badass, pants pockets if im just being a panda

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

oooof. uhh leather or bomber. leather because i love biker aesthetic too and bomber just looks comfy

44. favorite scent for soap?

i dont particularly have one but i do like old spice or irish spring

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

SUPERHERO. HANDS DOWN. fantasy second and sci fi 3rd.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

.... naked. only on days i cannot sleep at all

47. favorite type of cheese?

uhh fuck dude uhm.. toss up between cream cheese or parmesan

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

durian. I hate durian. its spiky on the outside, smells like burnt asshole but taste is redeeming

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

inside jokes with justin. just hanging out with the dude I had the best gut wrenching laughs of my life. laughs where my jaw hurt from laughing, i lost feeling in my cheeks, my face was red and couldnt stop crying. those laughs.

51. current stresses?

job security, love life, and friends who are currently getting more and more busy and cant hang out as often

52. favorite font?

IDK? Helvetica?

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry and typing.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

People are stupid as fuck. and coworkers are dangerous thanks alex for throwing a kitchen knife at me

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk if it counts since disney always makes fairytales but treasure planet?

56. favorite tradition?

probably christmas because i think its super important who you choose to spend it with and who you DO spend it with is a sign of how much they mean to you

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

dads abuse, my biggest break up, my friends attempted suicide

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

yknow the devil sign you make by closing your hand in a fist except your pinky and pointer finger? i can make my pointer and pinky touch. I also have been told my volleyball spikes have been really good recently. uhh my dancing I guess? singing?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

EVERYTHINGS FINE WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

My hero academia. hands down.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

You got the makings of greatness in you, but you gotta take the helm and chart your own course! Stick to it, no matter the squalls! And when the time comes, you'll get the chance to really test the cut of your sails and show what you're made of! And... well, I hope I'm there, catching some of the light coming off you that day. TREASURE FUCKING PLANET BOIIIIIIIIIIS

62. seven characters you relate to?

jim hawkins, hikigaya hachiman, shoya ishida, natsuki subaru, Hinata Shoyo, Hiccup, roxas.

63. five songs that would play in your club?

oh god. uhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. learn to fly foo fighters? castle on the hill ed sheeran? man idk im not huge on clubs, just shit from like 2000′s rock bands that white person knows the lyrics to and probably screamed in their room when they were mad

64. favorite website from your childhood?

YTV when they first released those side kick things thos games were so cool except that one day where the sidekick turned into a monster i legit got scared lol

65. any permanent scars?

tons actually and i love em! they remind me that things happened and that i wont ever forget them. currently tryna get a scar for volleyball HEHEHE

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont know much about flowers but roses and lavender is nice. and that flower in philippines where if you touch it, it like curls into itself.

67. good luck charms?

the keychains people i’ve fallen for have given to me. like this one bullet bill keychain AB gave me when we first met in highschool. i still have it. its faded and chipped in places but i feel like it makes me feel stronger yknow?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

birthday cake vodka. hands down. and i’ve literally tasted my own puss from an infected wound on accident

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

in philippines flies are always swarming around peoples food so what i learned was to rip up the napkin to look like that thing people used to dust the house and it keeps them away if you swing it at them

70. left or right handed?

right handed c:

71. least favorite pattern?

pattern? uhh anything disorienting i guess

72. worst subject?

math. 100% math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

meatball marinara sub with like every sauce from subway

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

8. i think i have a high pain tolerance

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i dont remember.. maybe like 6?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

MASHED POTATOES.FRJISD

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

not a big fan of plants....

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

sushi from a grocery store. just cuz im not willing to pay 30 bucks for somewhat fresh stuff from a retaurant

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? school id funny enough

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

...what? i guess jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

FIREFLIES OWL CITYYYYYYYYY

82. pc or console?

console. i have a better understanding of how console plays vs computer. computer is too finicky for me and aiming is a lot harder. console i know how people on console move and how i move and how to aim.

83. writing or drawing?

writing. if i knew how to draw though thatd be a different answer

84. podcasts or talk radio?

talk radio cuz i like to phone in and talk about my experiences lol i got to be on one actually it was dope

84. barbie or polly pocket?

uhhhhhh barbie?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

death. or atleast what happens afterwards

88. your greatest wish?

to be a hero.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Z

90. luckiest mistake?

one time in gym class we were playing dodgeball and i slipped trying to run backwards and a dude threw a ball at me but i kicked it in a way it went straight up and i had enough time to catch it

91. boxes or bags?

boxes, much better leverage and storing is like a game of tetris!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

lamps or overheads. sunlight has glare on my stuff and its hard to play and fairylights arent enough

93. nicknames?

tin man, AG, metal man, poetry man, silverado, silver city, quick silver anything with silver really.

94. favorite season?

fall and winter. winter being the best

95. favorite app on your phone?

Epic seven

96. desktop background? its a picture of hinata shoyo from HAIKYUU!! doing a spike with wings on his back!

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

only 1. thats my own lmao

98. favorite historical era?

uhhhhhh shit idk. they all seemed pretty shitty tbh..........

#ask me shit #ask me more things!#this was nice!

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