#i blame the fact that i tend to ramble especially when it comes to what i know about the lore of one of my favorite franchises

[violetganache42]

I've been reading the IDW comics, and I had a thought. If Shadow was a more sympathetic character, I can see him and Surge with "Nothing Left to Lose." It just feels like he could relate to being created with a dark purpose (Black Arms), and Surge just felt a lot like Cass, other than the "fate was mine to choose" part. Just a thought.

That is a really interesting thought. Cassandra's parts of the song easily resonate a lot with Surge because finding out she is a Mobian-turned-cyborg without any memories of who she used to be made her dead set on not only destroying Starline, but also the likes of Sonic, Eggman, and everyone associated with them. To her, if she can't remember or have her past, then they don't deserve a future. No matter what happens or what she does, nothing is going to change her mind of ridding the world of heroes and villains.

On that note, I can see why Shadow would be the closest candidate for Varian's parts. We all know he is an independent, stoic, and serious hedgehog, but there are instances where he's capable of showing compassion, whether it is sacrificing himself to save everyone from the Biolizard or learning Black Doom manipulated him into collecting the Chaos Emeralds so that he could wipe out humankind.

Huh. Funny enough, this had me thinking of his appearances in other Sonic media as I was answering this ask. lol After some thought, I feel like his depiction in the Archie comics' original continuity may be the best fit to him being a more sympathetic character. Prior to its reboot, Shadow still had his trademark character traits, but after learning Gerald made him to be Mobius' protector, he was shown to have become a more heroic and even somewhat more open individual. Most notably, one of his objectives in life after the revelations of his past is "to turn other 'living weapons' like him (such as Metal Sonic) to the side of good instead of destroying them."

Surge, no doubt, fits that equation because she was modified by Starline to be Sonic's imposter. A living weapon meant to destroy him, but has gone rogue on her "creator" all because he found the memories of her past to be irrelevant to his plans. Shadow knows what it's like to not remember the past or who you once were and I think it is safe to say his Pre-Super Genesis Wave counterpart would have an easier time expressing that to Surge and even try to convince her not to take the path of destroying everyone.

[epickiya722]

I'm new to the JJK fandom, and after one month of interacting with the fandom, I noticed that many view Gojo as a womanizer. I believe it to be false.

Maybe it's because of that one time Gege commented that he doesn't see Gojo being faithful to a woman (that man looks like a twink, so I don't blame you, Akutami). Nonetheless, I do not believe it means that Gojo is a playboy/ fuckboy.Let me tell you: while Gojo got the looks, it does not change the fact that he got no hoes He's a hoe repellent no matter the gender.

He is that type of guy that is really handsome, but the moment he opens his mouth, your perception of him changes so much that you would find Deadpool's left ass cheek more attractive. Hell, even Toji's worm. My dude is annoying as hell. He is rude, tactless, and privileged. Add to that the fact that he might also have mommy and daddy issues  because I'm sure he was not treated like a normal kid (but that is another discussion for another time).

Gojo might also have a lot of trust issues combined to the fact that he tends to isolate himself by not letting himself get too close to others. Like this guy is the strongest sorcerer, and his birth caused a shift in the Jujutsu world. Since his birth, people have been trying to kill him. Even the higher up in Jujutsu, see him as a nuisance and are waiting for the opportunity to do him dirty and you to tell me that he doesn't have trust issues? He has infinity on all the time, to the point that he does that subconsciously, and you want to tell me that he's gonna drop that just to get laid? So that he can get  a cursed technique aimed right at his balls?

And even if he is a playboy in the sense that it's not sexual and it's just emotional cheating. The dude feels like no one can relate to him. No one understands what it's like to be at the top, to be the strongest. So what would be the point?

I like Gojo, but in real life, being in a relationship with this man means you'll probably be his therapist because I know this guy has a lot of issues. At least he got money, so you'll be compensated I guess?

I'm rambling a lot, and it's not structured, but I also do not want to write a whole essay in your ask box.

In conclusion: It must be the cash cause it ain't your personality or whatever Beyoncé said.

What do you think?

When I tell you that "womanizer Gojo" is one of the characterizations I hate that some of the fandom has given him I HATE IT.

This is why we take the time to reread something and better understand it because in what world does a womanizing Gojo fits? Especially, in canon when it would be hard to maintain a romantic relationship given the risks Jujutsu sorcerers take? And with the description you gave are other reasons why Gojo wouldn't have a significant other.

Let's be honest, if there was one person who could handle Gojo it was Geto. This isn't me saying this as a shipper, but just stating a fact.

Like, if he would have a romantic partner, it would have him. Shoko's their friend, yes. But that is the most that she sees herself as. Chapter 220, she states hell would freeze over before she falls for any of those two. She's aware of the flaws they both have, but that doesn't she didn't want to be there for them.

One thing I like about Gojo is that despite the reputation he has as a sorcerer, he got his flaws that make him human. Just me, but I don't see the point of adding more flaws to him if I like him already as he is. Like, come on. Just make an OC, at this point.

I know sometimes canon can suck, but fanon? Is worse sometimes.

It's like how some people will depict Yuji drinking and eating anything because "Oh, he's a total dumbass".

I hate that. Yes, Yuji states he's dumb, but he has displayed he does have intelligence and sometimes even he ain't with the bullshit with others. When he said he'll eat anything, it was more on the lines of "I'll eat a cursed object to save people" not "I'll drink gasoline because I was dared to".

Like, damn, he ain't that careless! He ain't that stupid! (Just giving him the Kaminari treatment, huh?)

Just... I wish more people actually stop and think about what they're reading instead of running with it and going with a depiction that others say is "canon" (it's not) or "better than canon". Especially, with a media that isn't from your native country.

[kariachi]

This was supposed to be short, but I got rambling about Kevin’s past and what we’re told in UAF and the Rooters arc and... my poor son.

Have some shit.

Whatever the circumstances of him ending up on the streets, Kevin most likely felt going home would be worse than being homeless given that kids his age and younger (and with how well established he seems we're likely talking younger, it seems likely he's not new to this life) tend to stick close to home and not be gone especially long unless something happens to them. More specifically they generally don’t have the means to get far, tend to stick to areas they know and therefor are likely to be found in rather quickly, and more often than not quickly realize that whatever has driven them to run away is less horrible than being alone in the dark and the cold while you’re hungry and there’s bugs and animals running around. So normally, a runaway his age generally at least tries to go home if nothing horrible happens to stop them. But, again, we see Kevin’s hideout, he’s very well established, meaning it’s more likely than not he’s been in that spot for a relatively long time.

And when we look at what we see in the reboot, which isn’t a proper one-to-one for OS but can give us insight? Where he has no powers and still is very blatantly the victim of neglect, emotional, and verbal abuse at the very least? While OS!Kevin directly states that the issues with his family are due to them “not being thrilled with having a freak for a son”? He may not be entirely on the wrong track. He probably would’ve been safer at home, but given that kids who aren’t ‘normal’ tend to experience more and worse abuse, and he states he was born with his powers implying they’ve been notable for a long-ass time and therefor he would’ve been seeing the response to them for a long-ass time... It’s entirely possible, maybe even likely, that OS!Kevin was dealing with a whole other level of parental abuse than Reboot!Kevin, and Reboo!Kevin also clearly does not have any drive to go back home despite everything he’s been through.

And of course this is all assuming that he is a runaway. In OS he simply refers to his family as “long gone”, which doesn’t really tell us anything, but in UA he specifically states he was thrown out. Harvey says he wasn’t, but also doesn’t actually back up the statement with anything based on the transcripts I’m looking at, only going directly into claiming that he demolished his childhood home.

Which stands out to me, because it doesn’t really fit what we’ve seen of Kevin. He doesn’t demolish his own shit, and the shit he does demolish is generally either for work or retribution. That retribution may only be required in his own mind, and/or only when he’s unstable, but it’s still a consistent thing with him. It’s not until after he seems to run out of people to get back at that he starts targeting people to feed his addiction, and at no point are we given a reason to believe he targeted Harvey. 

Which is really fucking important to consider. Kevin very clearly has issues with his stepfather in UA- again, he blames him for his ending up on the streets- but despite having put a guy in traction over a tenner, we don’t see any real indication he intended to hurt him. Even when he threatens him, which only comes after telling him to get out of his way, the fact he holds it as a threat for as long as he does before Harvey calls his bluff implies that it was a bluff. Add in the fact Kevin at first assumes that the way they would be protecting Gwen would be to have his mother in there with her, and you get the feeling Kevin’s least likely to do things to harm his family. Which itself tracks with Hit ‘Em Where They Live, where he straight up says that they should kill anyone who threatens their families (which also means his treatment of Devlin in Ken 10 is an even greater crossing of the event horizon for him than originally intended- the Kevin we see in that future is the farthest gone, so much so that even this has left him in his quest for vengeance and power).

So, if Kevin’s not really a person who goes around destroying his own things, and he’s not a person who really threatens or even takes to threats to his family, why the fuck would he demolish his own home? And, even more importantly, how? The Kevin we meet in OS didn’t have that sort’ve power, unless he fucking ran a car into it, in which case we get back to why. And if it had been an accident, we then go back to two factors- 1) runaways his age don’t stay gone unless they can’t come back or feel that being gone is better than what’s waiting at home, and 2) Kevin thinks he was tossed out. If he just ran away due to the consequences of his actions, which seems to be what Harvey is implying, why would he think that? What consequences were there that made him think he was being kicked out?

Bringing us to a point- I don’t think we can trust what Harvey says here. It contradicts the other information we have, not just from out of Kevin’s mouth but from what we’ve seen of his behavior in the three series that existed at the time. Things don’t really add up. But then...

And then we get the Rooters arc. That makes Devin a non-entity and calls into question the stories of the parents Kevin is given in UAF, given at best his mother’s brain was messed with by Servantis and at worst, those weren’t his parents. The latter of which actually makes more sense with what we’re given. First, while we don’t know where for certain Bellwood is, it has to be in the west because there’s not deserts and wild cactus in the east, and WoG tries to say his parents are in Bellwood because he’s originally from there, but a young child getting all the way to the east coast from that far is incredibly unlikely, unless he was abandoned there, which again contradicts Harvey’s claim that they didn’t abandon him. Second, the easiest to way to keep Kevin in Bellwood- where Servantis needs him for his sleeper agent deal- is to put his family there, but the easiest way to do that would be to fake it. Moving Kevin’s original family there requires messing with a load of people’s minds because there’s a whole fucking family there to poke at any holes. Adding Kevin to a local family encounters the same problem. But if, say, you had a couple of the Rooters pretending to be his family while acting as his handlers...

We only see his mom and Harvey in two episodes- in Vendetta, where a man WoG would later reveal was a Rooter gets framed for Devin’s murder, attacks Kevin’s mom’s house while she’s so luckily not there, and she’s the one who informs him of what happened to Devin, leading to him killing said Rooter. This could serve two purposes for Servantis- who had to be involved if Ragnarok was a Rooter- in that it both proves Kevin isn’t going so soft he won’t still kill a bitch (if which case he’d probably need to be brought in and reprogrammed again) and would get rid of Ragnarok, who presumably had made himself disposable one way or another given he was dropped into the fucking sun.

Meanwhile, Harvey only shows up on screen during Absolute Power Part II, where Kevin has snapped but is targeting the wrong Tennyson, and the Tennysons are planning to kill him before he can, at which point Harvey... riles him up. Somebody he has a clearly bad history with shows up, calls his memory of what had to one of the most major events in his life bullshit, accuses him of having destroyed his childhood home, specifically notes his dad's being dead for some reason, gets in his way, and challenges him. Nobody in their right mind would’ve let Harvey get involved just in general, this is a not a situation where you want somebody the guy has beef with coming in if you don’t absolutely need the fucker, and that’s before you consider that the way he handles things is iffy and his claims don’t line up with what we know of Kevin and what he’s capable of.

But, looking specifically at the counter of Kevin’s memory of events and the claim of destruction, they make sense as a form of manipulation. Firstly, by making Kevin question his own memory- which again is liable to upset him and therefor get him more riled up, more likely to kill Ben which is what he’s been a sleeper agent for in the first place. It’s entirely possible that the story is one Servantis implanted in Kevin in the first place, which is why he doesn’t react more too it. Given in AF he ‘learns’ while he’s mutated how to shapeshift materials he’d made from, despite having already been shown doing this in OS, and the severely conflicting accounts here plus his minimal reaction compared to what you would expect, it’s entirely possible that dealing with energy doesn’t just fuck with his head, but also fucks with what Servantis did to his head. So a false memory of demolishing the house and running off gets superseded, and Harvey was bringing things back in line while also fucking with him and, again, riling him up.

Meanwhile, the claims of destruction don’t really make sense, Kevin isn’t known to shit where he eats and is clearly shown to not want harm on his family, even during this arc where he’s at least as bad off mentally as he was after a load of time alone on the streets which likely didn’t help his mental state, so what the fuck was going on there? And why bring it up like that, ‘we didn’t throw you out, you demolished the house’ and nothing further? But then you remember, part of how Servantis manipulates Kevin is through guilt. I’ve done a whole other post on Servantis’s manipulations, check the analysis tag, but Servantis has been shown giving a twisted viewpoint of reality and pushing guilt and responsibility onto Kevin in order to manipulate him, and the idea that he would do the same to push him further from the edge- especially with Ben right the fuck there and willing to get involved, especially to rescue what he thinks is a civilian? Not farfetched.

Get Kevin angry, upset, confused, get Kevin to start threatening his poor innocent stepfather, so Ben gets involved and Kevin, now more riled up than he was before, is more likely to kill him before he can be killed in turn and Servantis’s plans all fall apart at the seams.

I’ve seen some people suggest that the abandonment thing was the fake memory, which would scuttle this, but I don’t think it’s likely. For one thing, if these are his real parents, Servantis would have already been fucking with their heads to implant Devin and such, and I doubt he would’ve missed such a big hole as ‘not making sure one of his parents knows the history I need them to know’. For another, given Servantis would’ve wanted Kevin to stick around Bellwood to ensure close proximity to Ben- not only would this be less likely to happen if his parents were hanging around the place and he thought they’d thrown him out into the cold, but also it would be more likely to happen and make him even more trackable if, say, he felt guilty about demolishing the house and running away and therefor felt the need to make it up to his mom by doing things like buying her a new house and hanging around. Not things one does when they feel they were abandoned to the whims of fate.

Again, Servantis is known to use guilt to manipulate Kevin, and it adds another layer to bringing up the house thing. It wouldn’t just be feeding off guilt of the moment to worsen his mental state, but dragging in guilt he’s been dealing with since Servantis put that shit in his head, which would make the whole thing hit harder.

All of which is to say, here at the end, that given the Rooters arc makes what we’re shown of Kevin’s family and what they say questionable at least and an active lie at worst, Kevin was probably not a runaway in the original series. If he was it would still say a whole hell of a lot as I said at the start of this post, and again the reboot- being made by the collection that created him- gives us a damn good insight into his situation and why he may have run, but out of everything we hear in the sequels regarding Kevin’s pre-premiere history, his own claim of being thrown out is the one that aligns the most with what we already know about him, about his history, and about how mutants seem to be treated in-universe.

So, yeah, more likely than not OG!Kevin was neglected and majorly abused at home- verbally and emotionally at the very least- and could very reasonably be assumed to have eventually just been abandoned entirely.

[tacticalhimbo]

20-25 for the edgy oc asks— for phoebe and franklin cs OH my god?? love

[ ask meme ]

OOUHGHHH this is gonna be fun to answer as an otp thing for them!

i haven't written anything really for franklin himself, but my partner roleplays him and i love xyr portrayal of him so will be pulling from that (which, fun fact, is kinda where the idea of them as an oc/canon ship started from... but i love it sm i decided to separate it from just rp and make it a standalone thing teehee)

but anyway! below the cut bc i rambled about them... oops ^-^;

20. Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

phoebe does, and i think for her a lot of it stems from the fact attachment to others in general is a sensitive topic. she lost her parents, her brother jumped ship (and she has gotten over that, they're on good terms and she understands why he left los santos with his wife), and she really just. has nobody. so she does get worried when the few people she does genuinely attach herself to seemingly show signs of pulling back. it manifests as her withdrawing and becoming defensive of herself (expecting that withdraw and thus pushing the other party away).

franklin also seems like he does, and it's understandable in his case too. he's lost a lot of folk in his life, and those who are around are so stuck in a specific mindset that he feels ostracized for questioning it/trying to do something different with himself. ironically, they kind of deal with it in the same way. he gets upset and defensive, and he'll withdraw from the situation/the person(s) involved.

when it comes to their relationship, it does create tension and strain. understandably so. but a little time apart to cool off is often enough for them to wander back and talk things through.

21. Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

phoebe has no physical illnesses, but she definitely has underlying mental health concerns due to discovering her parents after a break-in gone wrong. she tends to handle it by putting herself into adverse situations as one, they give her a chance to prove others (and namely, herself) wrong about a perceived lack of ability and two, they serve as a distraction. can't think about how shit you feel when you're being shot at!

as for franklin, i imagine they're pretty similar in that regard. he's seen a lot of things go on (and often, go wrong), that it's gotta weigh on him. it does weigh on him. we see that a lot in his dialogs with the other characters (and to himself). i don't remember if it's explicit or implied canon, but he has depression of some sort. as for handling it/coping with it, he does try to distance himself from things at times. but his conscience always gets the better of him, especially where people he cares about are involved (re: his shenanigans with lamar), and he gets roped back into things.

22. What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

honestly they both have chaotic good energy.

phoebe i know for a fact is! she's not afraid to call bullshit as she sees it, and will often go against the societal norm to make things right (laws and regulations be damned)

franklin on the other hand, does fit that vibe but he's also less? energetic about it. i mean, he is depressed, so i don't blame him for that. but at the end of the day, he just wants things to be right. he could arguably also fit into true neutral territory, but i don't feel like he's really the "it is what it is" type.

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

easy answer for both of them: vulnerability. a lot of it is kinda repeat from the jealousy question, but genuinely?

it is so hard for them both to process anything that puts them at a perceived disadvantage socially. they've been through it. they've lost a lot. they don't want to appear 'weak' because it only further ostracizes them from the crowds they find themselves in.

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

i feel like, in an alternate life, phoebe either would have become some sort of influence or done work with animals. her sense of style is so bold and specific, and she does love engaging with new trends and keeping atop of that. of course, that's also expensive, and it likely would have become a side thing to working with animals. she never had pets until patches (her neighbors' boxer that she adopted out from them), but after taking care of him? yeah. she could see herself doing that on a larger scale/long-term. it's actually a back-burner kind of headcanon i have for her that, between heists, she does volunteer at the los santos county animal shelter. her life would have been very different; a lot more stable, frankly.

with franklin, we do get to see a look into an alternate life through the online lore re: him becoming the owner of a celebrity solutions agency (though his work is… very similar to the work he did with michael and trevor; just he's not on the ground as much and it's a lot more planned out/clean). that said, if he truly were to have an alternative life path, i feel like it would have been something with automotive work. as sleazy as simeon's business is, franklin seemed like he genuinely enjoyed working with the cars and prepping them for purchase/showcase! if he never got involved with michael and the boys(tm), his life would have been so much different.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

oh man…

my favorite thing about phoebe, besides her sense of style, is just how down-to-earth she is at the end of the day. like. she really is just some person when the job is said and done. most of the stuff i've written for her privately/through rp aren't even like… heist related. it's just her being within the boundaries of los santos and existing. she's met ramón (other oc) and chatted with him. she's done gun-for-hire work for laverne (oc), and subsequently sat and had lunch with her by the pier. her, candy, and faye (ocs) are best fucking friends. they always have girls nights out together at the vanilla unicorn and to the pier and up to blaine county to fuck around in the desert.

and my favorite thing about franklin is just how much he actually cares about people. he tries to hide it, but we can see time and time again that he genuinely wants what's best/safest for everyone. like. his relationship with lamar?? and the way he interacts with imani (gta online npc; daughter of one of his longer-term friends, pearlie)??? obsessed. he's so fucking… good. he's a good man. and he deserves the world.

then, as a bonus, my favorite thing about them/their relationship is how much they balance each other out. how they've become a safe space for one another, where (even if their psyches get the best of them) they can be vulnerable and wholly trusting about themselves, their thoughts, and their emotions. they fuck around and get into trouble, sure, and they have a lot of fun doing it...

but at the end of the day, their favorite thing to do is just exist together. turn on whatever shitty movie re-run is playing on the television, cuddle up on the couch, and just. exist. and i just think that's neat.

[langdhon]

I'm ready to throw hands with this meme because how can it expect me to mention JUST ONE THING??? I gotta go and agree with your pinned post tho about the deep dive into the psyche behind the title of antichrist. Your ability to show the multiple facets of his personality marks him as a complex individual. Does he embrace his purpose? Absolutely. But you highlight how he's so much more than that as well. His potential can grow and may even be a surprise when it happens. I also love seeing him manipulating the situations to better suit him. Gaslight gatekeep girlboss Michael 💅 . The way he plays situations, can read a room, can read the people he interacts with, it's interesting to watch how he shifts depending on those people while still being Michael at his core. There's this level of consistency between your interactions where it's easy to tell that you don't alter him for the sake of others. If he's ready to leave a situation? He'll walk out and you don't force him to stay for the sake of continuing a thread for a longer interaction. Sometimes moments are short and people don't stick around long and you show that Michael knows when to make a scene and when to leave one. 💕 I obviously will always find something to gush about your portrayal and you as a writer and a person so I'm gonna shut myself up now before I end up filling your entire inbox with my Michael and Ava tedtalk 💕

||| what is ONE THING you like about the way i play my character?

ANDY is2g you come for my throat every time to make me sob!!! And you cheated, like Lune, enjoy your high five, you two asdkjg Honestly, most of his development is to blame on Alice and you, because we have all these different situations and the deep dive with them, it's beautiful to see them both grow together! Also each individually under the influence their dynamic has on them. Yes, Michael is a manipulator and will cherry-pick which side he shows depending on the person he interacts with to get the best out of it; or leave the scene because there's simply things he doesn't deal with. It's even canon. That when someone annoys him, he'll just up and exit like 'bye bitch'. Honestly? The characters he does that to should consider themselves lucky because the alternative would entail brutality. He's super smart but incredibly dumb at the same time, which I love to play out in contrast to each other.

There's also so many vastly different personalities he gets to interact with that even they tend to tickle something out of him, something he either doesn't want to show or didn't know is in him. In fact, you and my other partners are the reasons we even get to see a great number of those nuances! For which I'm super thankful. Michael is a lot of fun to play and while I do tone down on the godmoddy bits of his powers, I'm happy to have partners who roll with his shit and let their muses react accordingly without fear of hurting me OOC. Because in the end, I don't make him to what I want, I let him do what I think is in character for him to do and my partners do the same with their muses. It's beautiful. NOW YOU MADE ME RAMBLE TOO. If I have to start about you and your muses, especially Alice and Morpheus, this reply would fill up everyone's entire first page on dash dlkfjlkjg

Just know I'm your biggest fan and there's no day I'm not grateful to have such an all round wonderful writing partner and friend ♥

[copiasblair]

oh boy this got realllll rambly but basically i got to thinking about some shitty stuff i went through when i was younger and how it kind of plays into me and copia's first big fight.

so maybe this is traumadumping or whatever but um when i was younger i had a friend group that was terribly emotionally manipulative and abusive to me, like a lot of stuff that i don't even want to talk about in detail because it still just shakes me up and mostly just makes me mad because they never faced any kind of consequence or had any remorse for what they did and instead blamed me (and also if i outlined all of their shitty behavior we would be here all day to be honest), but a big part of what they did was a lot of talking behind my back, as in they had a separate group chat from ours that was just the three of them and they would stay up later during sleepovers just to talk shit about me (i know because one time i just pretended to fall asleep and then when i revealed myself and called them out on it, and they basically tried to gaslight me and said i was paranoid and making up shit just to cause drama)

AND on top of that i come from a family of people who do that a LOT, like my mom in particular will be polite to someone face-to-face and then as soon as they leave talk about how much she hates them and how they do this thing or that that really gets on her nerves.

anyway all this to say that i have a really bad reaction to like, surprises, or people sneaking around around me. it just makes me really paranoid and anxious, especially if it's someone that i care about.

so around the time of copia's ascension he is acting secretive. this is necessary, he has a plan in place, and since failing could mean him getting killed, and very well me getting killed just by association. not to say too much but i think that whether or not nihil passed away naturally that night, nihil was going to die, if you know what i mean (copia was plotting to kill him, or have him assassinated). obviously i know the precedent at this point for What Happens At The Last Date Of The Tour, and also i'm well aware of the fates of the previous papas, and so as this date draws nearer and nearer i'm scared out of my fucking mind. and copia is giving me radio silence, he's barely talking with me, and i start to get seriously paranoid. and especially without him there to anchor me, my anxiety is spiralling hard and i spend most of my time just sleeping or crying, mostly sleeping so i don't have to think about it. i get this fear that i've made this huge mistake, that everything bad my family said about him and our relationship was right.

after his ascension (which the night of that is just a lot of mixed emotions, i have a fic in progress about it actually), things start to calm down a little obviously, i'm obviously super happy that he's not dead and that in fact he's doing better than ever, and for the first couple months things are kind of back to normal. eventually though, i just kind of feel like i never got any meaningful resolution, and it eats away at me. like he apologizes, obviously, but it's in a kind of "well yeah i'm sorry, but you can see why i did that right?" kind of way and not really addressing how it made me feel. and part of me is mad that he even felt like he needed to keep that secret from me in the first place, and especially given that i tend to be especially emotional about that kind of behavior. and a few months after his ascension it reaches a bit of a boiling point and that's our first all-out fight. like obviously we had argued about shit before, but this was like an i need to stay in a hotel for a few days we might break up kind of a fight.

but then, a few days later (days spent crying and going back and forth on calling my family, whom i ran away from to be with copia)i spend more time looking back on it, and especially when i try to think of it from his perspective i get it, but then of course i get too paralyzed with anxiety to actually fucking call him up to talk about it. especially given that this is my first relationship and this is our first fight like this, and that he's probably busy with all the new duties that come with being papa, my tendency to catastrophize leads me to think that the ship has sailed, that our relationship is over and it's all my fault, etc etc.

until he shows up at my door, and we have a very long emotional conversation about trust and really just trying to explain how to situation felt from both our perspectives and he acknowledges that his first apology was kind of shitty and i say it's fine, he was obviously really caught up in everything else going on, and especially once he talks about why he couldn't feel he could tell me what he was planning. i didn't even know about the whole murder plot thing until this point, and he explains that, and also that his not telling me wasn't because he didn't trust me, but because he wanted to protect me. if something went wrong, if things didn't go to plan, imperator (and nihil if he was still alive) would be on the warpath and in that situation it would probably be better that i genuinely Did Not Know what was going to happen. i talk a little about my childhood trauma and how that kind of behavior makes me just feel angry and powerless, and that in the future, if he has to keep secrets from me like that, i would hope that he could at least tell me that it's not something i did, or something about me.

and we make up make out etc etc, and go on with more clearly defined boundaries and maybe a better grip on each other's perspectives :))

[philsmeatylegss]

i would like to respectfully disagree with you being against autism self-diagnosis. feel free to ignore

i come from a unique place of being a glass child but also having to pick up the slack from my parents as even though my siblings are their priority they aren’t doing a good job and i so get where you’re coming from but it isn’t self-diagnosed autistics (even the tiktok ones who have watched one video and decided they’re autistic) that have done this to you.

i don’t agree with self-diagnosis unless the research is extensive but sometimes it is the only option. especially for kids with more severe autistic siblings because parents don’t want to put that label on their children unless they have to. my parents won’t let me get an autism diagnosis because they don’t want another one. as soon as they put a label on me there is no longer a reason to prioritise my siblings over me like they have.

that being said self diagnosed tiktok autistics, who seem to think autism is all hyperfixations and stimming sugarcoat autism (although you have to remember this is social media and everything is sugarcoated).

i have had knives pulled on me at 15 years old because my parents won’t do anything to calm my sister down. i’ve been the only one to comfort my nonverbal brother. but i’ve had my own struggles and just because they were and still are less visible to my parents (and they now blame them on my other diagnosed disorder that is completely different) and the fact im self-diagnosed doesn’t make them less valid

tldr: i have had similar experiences to your 3 months of your brother attempting to kill your mother but think a lack self diagnosis won’t fix that and am self diagnosed myself and your post upset me slightly :(

I’ll start with the tldr because I know I’m gonna ramble and lose the point I want to make:

TLDR: I agree with pretty much everything you just said. Your pov makes a lot of sense. I tend to trust your self diagnosis a lot more since you’ve personally seen all the sides and all the forms Autism presents itself. And you’re right. I should’ve specified that those who are glass children of autistic siblings who self diagnose are way more valid and more likely to be correct than someone who hasn’t experienced it. But even with all of that, I was ranting before and I definitely wasn’t fully thinking through every single possibility. And while I still agree with my original statement, I do believe situations like yours are an exception. But even if I didn’t see it that way, I’m sorry I said something upsetting. That’s never my intent and I always welcome criticism and civil discussions on certain topics. Thank you for sharing your story and making me think over my perspective from a different pov!

I swear I meant for the TLDR to be a sentence so my apologies. But as I said, I do think anon’s (very common) experience is the exception to when I say that self diagnosis for autism isn’t valid. I take into account a lot more when someone with an autistic sibling thinks they have autism for the same reason I get mad at people with no experience with autism who self diagnosis: they know what autism is. They’ve seen the non romanticized aspects of it like violence. They’ve witnessed the varying degrees the disorder presents itself. And most importantly, they know it’s not just a quirky personality trait. They understand the severity of the disorder and it’s not something to brag about.

I truly believe being a glass child, specifically a glass child with an autistic sibling is an experience you cannot fully grasp unless you yourself have gone through it. And though the research is very new, it is most likely that autism is genetic. That’s why it makes complete sense for multiple siblings to have autism with varying degrees of severity as they come from the same genetics. And the whole concept of being a glass child revolves around parents not seeing your needs as important and not having a diagnosis is exactly an example.

As i said, I never want to upset anyone and I always encourage respectful disagreements just as anon did. Explaining your pov without malice. And that’s how I believe both parties can actually learn something from disagreements. That being said, I agree with anon so there isn’t much disagreement.

I just personally believe that being a glass child of an autistic sibling with emotionally neglectful parents is such a unique form of trauma that even those who are experts on autism and on glass children cannot fully grasp. Therefore, I am sensitive to people who take a part of my experience and belittle it. One of my biggest problems is not dealing very well when I feel like someone doesn’t hear me. And this fucking phenomena of autism self diagnosis on tiktok where you’re sent massive amounts of hate for disagreeing is really upsetting for someone like me who is very sensitive to when my emotions and perspective are dismissed. All of this said, none of that applies to this response as I’m sure anon knows exactly where I’m coming from.

I’m just very defensive about the topic and the tendency to dismiss my input is very upsetting to me. So I do have moments when I say extreme statements without logically thinking it through. So I do want to revise my opinion that I do not believe in self diagnosis for autism unless the self diagnosis is being done by someone who has an autistic sibling. Thank you for making this point anon and I’m wishing you so much love <3

[robininthelabyrinth]

extra 3 for Tedious Joys

A/N: For all the anons who begged for the AU in which Lao Nie's stupid idea from extra 2 about a happy WRH/Lao Nie/LQR ever after actually works out, with specific shout outs to the ones who suggested (1) WRH as a bastard cat, (2) possessiveness, (3) erotic reading, and (4) that I couldn’t write WRH being anything but thoroughly awful, because so there.

A/N: warning for adult content

-

“Congratulations to you both,” Lan Qiren said, looking between Lao Nie and Wen Ruohan with what he was certain was an expression of utmost bemusement. “I don’t see why your decision to enter into a formal relationship merits a private announcement to me personally.”

“Formal relationship?” Wen Ruohan echoed.

“He means that we’re actually calling it a relationship instead of just skulking around in each other’s beds,” Lao Nie explained briefly, then turned back to Lan Qiren. “We’re telling you because you’re a critical part of it.”

Lan Qiren blinked.

“If I am to enter into a – formal relationship with Lao Nie,” Wen Ruohan said, his sneer expressing his thoughts on the matter of Lan Qiren’s wording choices, “he has made it clear that engaging with you is necessary.”

“Engaging with me,” Lan Qiren said.

“As an equal partner,” Lao Nie said, nodding.

“With…me.”

“Yes.”

Lan Qiren rubbed his eyes. “Lao Nie,” he said. “If I didn’t know better, this would sound a great deal like a husband introducing his first wife to his second.”

“Equal partner,” Lao Nie said, as if that was the problem. “It isn’t a marriage, so there’s no need to rank –”

“Lao Nie, we’re not married.”

“Aren’t you?” Wen Ruohan said, and Lan Qiren gaped at him. “Once you put aside the question of sex, which I’m given to understand you’re squeamish about.”

“I’m given to understand that that is a rather critical aspect in a marriage,” Lan Qiren said archly, ignoring Lao Nie’s mutter of it’s not squeamishness, he just doesn’t like it. “At any rate, I do not live with him, I do not bear him children –”

“You support him, you understand him, you are irrevocably associated,” Wen Ruohan said impatiently. “Of all other people, he would pick you first, and you him. You can use the term ‘sworn brothers’ if you prefer, but you must admit that your – formalized relationship with Lao Nie goes well beyond the usual intimacy of mere friendship.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Lan Qiren said, although on second thought he thought that perhaps it might be true. He had loved Cangse Sanren dearly, but it was very, very different from how he felt for Lao Nie.

Wen Ruohan snorted. “This is your problem,” he told Lao Nie.

“Our problem now,” Lao Nie said peaceably. “Qiren, I have no expectation of the two of us entering into a sexual relationship –”

Lan Qiren nodded, having not expected anything like that.

“Nor do I expect you to enter into a sexual relationship with Hanhan –”

Good.

“But I would appreciate it if you made an effort to get along a little better, at least for my sake. I care very deeply for both of you and would like to have you both in my life. At once. Without murder.”

Lan Qiren eyed Wen Ruohan, who eyed him right back.

“Well,” Lan Qiren said after a while. “I suppose?”

After all, it wasn’t as if he wasn’t already sharing Lao Nie’s time with him. This would simply be a further extension of that.

Nothing more.

-

“If it makes you uncomfortable –”

“I’ve already made clear that I don’t mind you two having sex while I’m in the room,” Lan Qiren said impatiently. “As long as I am not personally involved, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.”

“See,” Wen Ruohan said. “It doesn’t bother him in the slightest.”

Lan Qiren ignored him. He’d found that that was the easiest way to deal with Wen Ruohan when he was in a mood – not entirely unlike the way he dealt with some of his more troublesome students, in fact.

“What if you’re the subject of conversation?” Lao Nie persisted.

“Conversation?” Lan Qiren said, frowning. “Do you often converse while – uh –”

Wen Ruohan sniggered. “Yes,” he said. “Quite a great deal. We can be quite noisy, even.”

“I can assure you I’m already aware of that,” Lan Qiren informed him, long-suffering. Wooden walls, even with insulation, were simply insufficient.

“We’re getting away from the main point here,” Lao Nie said.

“The main point being that you wish to involve me in your sexual antics, but from a distance?”

“…basically.”

“Antics,” Wen Ruohan said, looking pained. “We’re not twelve. Sect Leader Lan, can we not agree to simply say that we wish to objectify and sexualize you as part of our relationship, but that your personal participation is not required?”

“If we wish to be pretentious about it, we can,” Lan Qiren said, and Wen Ruohan blinked as if surprised that Lan Qiren had the capacity for even such a mild rebuke. “Yes, go ahead. It’s fine, I’m used to it.”

Now they were both blinking at him.

“Being objectified,” he clarified. “Even with being lusted over, fantasized about within my hearing, that sort of thing. It’s quite common, you know.”

“It…is?” Wen Ruohan said. He had now started blinking rather rapidly. “You often allow people to have sexual thoughts and conversations about you, then?”

“Oh, every day.”

“Every…day?”

“My students,” Lan Qiren explained with a faint sigh. “The majority of them prefer to imagine me as far away from being sexualized as possible, which I appreciate, but quite a few of them go so far as to end up on the other end – and of course they’re at that age when their thoughts tend to dwell on all matters connected with sex.”

“Oh,” Lao Nie said. “Your students.”

“That makes a great deal more sense,” Wen Ruohan said, nodding.

“What did you think I meant?” Lan Qiren asked, frowning at them both. “I’ll have you know that they are exceedingly indiscreet about it – in terms of conversation, or the notes they include in their books, or even in offers –”

“You’ve gotten offers?”

“Too many. I’ve refused, of course.”

“Poor children, I can’t blame them for trying,” Lao Nie mused. “You’re very commanding when you take charge of a classroom.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Wen Ruohan remarked. “Listening to Sect Leader Lan ramble on does not strike me as the most inspiring set of circumstances.”

“That’s what I’ve always thought!” Lan Qiren said. “It was always a surprise. I’m well aware that I tend towards toneless monotony – yet apparently there are people who find that attractive.”

“I would,” Lao Nie said at once, because of course he would. He’d find just about anything attractive, as long as it had the capacity to end his life…though what that said about his views of Lan Qiren’s lectures, Lan Qiren wasn’t sure. “I’d be very happy to get off to you reading out one of your lectures.”

“You are not tainting my lectures with your deviance,” Lan Qiren informed him. “I’m happy to read any spring book you like, but leave my lectures out of it.”

They were both staring at him again.

“What?” he said, suspicious.

“Would you really?” Wen Ruohan asked, leaning forward. His gaze was suddenly very intent, in a way that resembled the way he usually looked at Lao Nie. “Read us a spring book?”

Lan Qiren blinked. “If you like? I warn you, it’ll be in the same tone I do all my other readings.”

“That’s fine,” Lao Nie said. He, too, looked oddly intent. “Very good, even.”

“Very good,” Wen Ruohan agreed effusively.

“…very well then,” Lan Qiren said, now completely lost. “Go fetch one, then.”

He’d never understood what people saw in sex, and he was starting to think he never would.

Especially if they were all this ridiculous.

-

“You don’t actually need to keep me company just because Lao Nie told you to,” Lan Qiren said to Wen Ruohan, who was sitting across from him and refusing to leave.

“No, he won the bet fair and square,” Wen Ruohan said, looking sulky. “While this is not exactly the promise I had hoped he would extract, I will comply with his wishes to the letter.”

Wen Ruohan had probably been hoping for a kinky sex game, Lan Qiren reflected. It was a pity that the threat against Lan Qiren had come in so soon before their bet had been resolved – and that they had not yet identified who it was that had sent the threat, nor how serious it was – and Lao Nie was for some reason convinced that there were internal threats within the Cloud Recesses that needed to be guarded against.

Thus the request.

“Then I suggest you find a way to entertain yourself,” Lan Qiren finally said, looking down at the papers at his desk. He really did need to finish reviewing them all, and he had wasted enough time attempting to play host to a recalcitrant guest who didn’t want to be appeased. “I can order more tea, if you’d like…”

“No, no,” Wen Ruohan said. “I can entertain myself just fine.”

Lan Qiren was unfortunately familiar with that tone of voice, and was therefore unsurprised when Wen Ruohan began to undo his robes, albeit just enough to pull out his cock.

Personally, Lan Qiren would not find public masturbation with gratuitous leering to be entertaining, but then again, he wasn’t Wen Ruohan.

He peacefully did his work for a while, ignoring the sound of self-pleasure from a few feet away, but after a while – and it was taking a while, presumably because Wen Ruohan kept getting distracted by his irritation with Lao Nie – he couldn’t help but glance over.

He frowned.

“You’re doing it wrong,” he said.

Wen Ruohan’s hand stopped. “Excuse me,” he said. “What did you say?”

“You’re doing it wrong,” Lan Qiren repeated.

Wen Ruohan gaped at him. “Are you – you – attempting to instruct me in how to – this?”

Lan Qiren rolled his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, and Wen Ruohan’s shoulders relaxed – sanity and order returning to the world, no doubt. “I’m referring to your cultivation. You don’t have to share details, but you do use a yang-oriented cultivation method, do you not?”

“I do.”

“You have a small blockage in the meridian next to your neck,” Lan Qiren said. “It’s slowing it down. You should release it.”

Wen Ruohan concentrated, then frowned. “I sense no such blockage.”

“It’s only apparent when you’re flushing your meridians with yang energy,” Lan Qiren said. “Do both at the same time.”

Wen Ruohan scowled at him. “That’s easier said than done.”

Lan Qiren shrugged and put his papers down, standing up. “In that case, I will assist.”

Wen Ruohan’s eyes bulged slightly.

Lan Qiren walked over and settled down behind him. “Carry on, then,” he said.

“Assist with releasing the blockage,” Wen Ruohan said. “Right. Yes. That makes – more sense.”

And then he did carry on, because he was shameless like that.

Lan Qiren waited until he could see the blockage again, and then put his hands on Wen Ruohan’s shoulders.

Wen Ruohan flinched, and the energy dissipated.

Lan Qiren heaved a sigh. “Really?” he said, disapproving. “Is this the best you can do? Sect Leader Wen, please. You are a famous cultivator, far more powerful than me – I would expect your concentration to be better than this.”

“Right,” Wen Ruohan said. His voice was strangely hoarse. He started moving his hand again. “Well, I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, Sect Leader Lan.”

Lan Qiren huffed, and noted that Wen Ruohan shivered. Perhaps he was sitting too close, and his breath had hit the back of Wen Ruohan’s neck, exposed as he curled forward over himself. “My request from you isn’t exactly difficult,” he said, a touch of asperity in his voice. “I’m certain you’ve done it many times before, and will many times again. If you can’t even perform such a straightforward task –”

Ah, there it was.

He put two fingers against the blocked meridian and firmly pressed, wielding his not inconsiderable arm strength against the tough skin Wen Ruohan had cultivated over the years.

Wen Ruohan made a choked noise.

The blockage released, the latent tension in the muscles releasing with it, and Wen Ruohan shuddered all over – presumably the yang energy that had been knotted up in there had also released, flooding through his meridians.

“Well done,” Lan Qiren said, inspecting his work. “The flow of energy is much smoother now. You should notice an immediate improvement in both temperament and swordplay.”

Wen Ruohan huffed and sat up straight again, starting to straighten his clothing. Apparently he’d finished the self-pleasure portion of the evening as well.

“I’m much obliged to you for your guidance, Teacher Lan,” he said, and it was Lan Qiren’s turn to blink, surprised – Wen Ruohan had never used that term of address for him before. “I look forward to attending your classes with you tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to,” Lan Qiren told him, although he used the opportunity to rise to his feet and return to his desk, intent on finishing his review. “There’s hardly any danger from my students.”

“No, no,” Wen Ruohan said. “I’m interested to see you – in your element, so to speak. I was perhaps too hasty in disregarding Lao Nie’s exhortations regarding the quality of your pedagogical skills.”

“Very well,” Lan Qiren said, a little suspicious. “You understand, of course, that you would not be permitted to…?”

“Around children? I assure you that that is not one of my proclivities.”

“Good,” Lan Qiren said, even though he was well aware that Wen Ruohan’s particular character was such that the fact that something was not within his so-called proclivities would in no way stop him if he thought he could get some benefit out of it. “Very well, then. If you insist –”

“I do,” Wen Ruohan said firmly. “I promised Lao Nie, did I not? I intend to keep my promise in the spirit in which it was requested.”

Lan Qiren sighed. This would probably end up only distracting his students more…hmm. Unless he used it to his advantage.

“Would you be willing to demonstrate some array techniques?” he asked. “I know they’re your area of expertise, and there are certain philosophical points I wish to convey to my students that may be more easily expressed with a visual demonstration.”

Wen Ruohan rolled his eyes, but it seemed to lack the usual sense of malice.

“You may use me as you wish, Teacher,” he said with a smirk. “I am at your service.”

-

“Is there anything you actually like?” Lan Qiren asked Wen Ruohan, aware that his tone was coming across as tetchy and irritable and wholly unable to stop it.

Wen Ruohan arched his eyebrows at him.

“Other than myself and Lao Nie, and definitely not sex,” Lan Qiren qualified. “Your birthday is coming up, and I’m having difficulty thinking of an appropriate present.”

“My – birthday?” Wen Ruohan asked, and then started smiling in amusement. “You can just get me whatever gift your sect has picked out for the event. I’m certain someone has already selected something –”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Lan Qiren said. “You’re my – lover by proxy, I suppose, or at least something resembling a friend.”

To the extent one could befriend an especially large, especially poisonous serpent, anyway. Despite this, Lan Qiren liked to think he wasn’t doing too bad a job at it.

“The least I can do is get you something you actually enjoy,” he added, scowling. “Unfortunately, despite all of our years of acquaintance, I honestly have no idea what that might be. I’m aware of your general penchant for torture, so I had initially considered a text on anatomy, but in all honesty supporting torture even by proxy makes me queasy so I had to discard that idea –”

“A text on anatomy,” Wen Ruohan interrupted, blinking in that strange way he had when he was surprised by something. Usually Lan Qiren, actually, although Lao Nie sometimes managed it, too. “You were thinking of getting me something on anatomy so that I could – torture people better?”

“It does seem to be one of the few things you like to do,” Lan Qiren pointed out. “And it’s not as if I have any treatises on clever machines one can use to extract entrails or something.”

“I’m delighted you even considered it,” Wen Ruohan said. He seemed to be fighting a laugh.

“Perhaps some medicine?” Lqn Qiren mused.

“I’m fairly sure my sect’s pharmacists are better than yours. I get all sorts of herbs to aid in cultivation from sects all over –”

“Not in aid of cultivation; I’m hardly going to gift you with your hundredth strand of ancient ginseng, am I? I meant for your anemia.”

“My – what?”

“You have a strange fixation on blood in all forms, whether the shedding in battle or merely at dinner. It occurred to me that you might be minorly anemic.”

Wen Ruohan covered his mouth with his sleeve. His shoulders were shaking.

“Listen, your only hobbies are sadism, blood, and power, and there’s nothing I can do for you on any of those scores,” Lan Qiren said, scowling. “You have to have some sort of thing that you can do –”

“I paint.”

Lan Qiren blinked. “You paint? Recreationally? Really?”

Wen Ruohan shrugged. “I used to, at any rate. It’s been – rather a while.”

For someone like Wen Ruohan, that ‘while’ might very well be as long as Lan Qiren’s life.

“I used to be rather good at it,” Wen Ruohan said thoughtfully. “Or at least I thought I was.”

“Have I seen any of your work?” Lan Qiren asked, and Wen Ruohan blinked at him. “You have art all over the Nightless City. Is any of it yours?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” Privately, Lan Qiren thought that it was because personal paintings did not demonstrate the extent of Wen Ruohan’s power over others, and were thereby less satisfying, but Wen Ruohan had shifted over to looking contemplative and even nostalgic.

“You know,” Wen Ruohan murmured. “I’m really not sure.”

“Well, I can certainly get you paints,” Lan Qiren said. “And Lao Nie and I can drag you to some secluded location with a good view to allow you some time to indulge in it; I think that sounds like an excellent gift. Thank you for the idea.”

“…think nothing of it.”

-

“I will rip him limb from limb,” Wen Ruohan hissed. “I will tear out his stomach and feed it to him.”

“You’re overreacting,” Lan Qiren said.

“I am not,” Wen Ruohan said, like a liar. “He nearly killed you!”

Lan Qiren turned his gaze to Lao Nie, who was usually fairly good at keeping Wen Ruohan back, but his old friend had his arms crossed over his chest and a thunderous scowl fixed firmly on his face.

Apparently, he agreed with Wen Ruohan.

“It wasn’t an attack meant to kill,” Lan Qiren tried to explain. “It was only meant to paralyze –”

“Oh, so severing your spine is no big deal then?”

“You have at least a dozen tools that are designed to do just that in your basement,” Lan Qiren reminded Wen Ruohan.

“I don’t use them anymore,” Wen Ruohan growled. “You’ve taken all the fun out of it, the two of you. If I want to hurt someone, Lao Nie is more fun; if I want a challenge, Teacher Lan is always available to be at my throat; if I want to exert power, I need only remind any sect leader in the cultivation world of our relationship and they will have no choice but to submit unhappily to reality. It’s hardly worth wasting my time on some random prisoners. Now don’t try to distract me – you can’t honestly say that you want to live the rest of your life without your legs!”

“Obviously not, though one might argue that my mobility is already limited enough that adding a wheelchair would not make that much of a difference. I’m just pointing out –”

“When he’s fully healed, we’re taking him on vacation,” Lao Nie said to Wen Ruohan, who nodded furiously. “A long one. The Lan sect can cope.”

“How did we get on the subject of vacation?” Lan Qiren asked, starting to wonder if it was him or them that had lost the thread of their conversation. “I merely wished to say that your reaction is overblown. The threat has passed, and I remain alive and intact –”

“Except for the gaping hole in your back.”

“It’s been bandaged and stitched up. I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, yes, you will be,” Wen Ruohan said, and finally sat down again, putting his hand on Lan Qiren’s hip to start transferring spiritual energy over. He had a truly obscene amount of qi – something Lan Qiren supposed he had to be grateful for, as it had been that, in conjunction with Lao Nie’s extraordinary fighting skills, that had saved his life. “I will make sure you’re fine. By force if necessary.”

“He was just upset –”

“Stop making excuses for him,” Lao Nie said. His voice was low and tight and angry and tired. “You’ve been apologizing for your brother since the first day I met you, Qiren. He doesn’t deserve it.”

“You were his friend once, too,” Lan Qiren reminded him.

“I was,” Lao Nie said. “There was something worth being friends with there, once. You’ve paid dearly for every mistake he’s ever made – but not this. Not this.”

“There is a boundary to filial piety,” Wen Ruohan agreed. “And in the end, he is only your elder brother. He is not entitled to your life.”

“He didn’t want my life,” Lan Qiren said. “He wanted me to suffer as he suffers. He’s not well.”

Insane, in fact. That would be the word for it.

Mad, raging, ravening – if Lan Qiren could blame a qi deviation, of the sort that tended to end Lao Nie’s family line when their meridians weren’t being constantly tended to by the most powerful cultivator alive with an obsession for keeping his lover alive, he would. That might yet be found to be the cause; he didn’t know, he wasn’t involved in the investigation.

It wouldn’t be appropriate for him to be involved, whether as the direct victim or the closest living family of the perpetrator.

Lan Qiren…didn’t know what to do with any of that.

He didn’t recognize his brother in the madman that tried to kill him simply for being happy, for being reputed to have taken on lovers. He didn’t recognize even the faintest shell of him.

“Maybe we should take him on that vacation now,” Lao Nie said to Wen Ruohan, who looked thoughtful. “Hanhan, do you still have that – that ridiculous carriage, the big wide one, the one designed to avoid any bumps…?”

“You’re not taking me away from the Cloud Recesses before the trial,” Lan Qiren said, though he wasn’t actually sure if there would even be a trial. It seemed like the sort of thing that his sect would prefer to cover up, though it might be difficult to do so with two other sect leaders aware of what had happened and angry about it. “I’m sect leader, remember?”

“Acting sect leader,” Wen Ruohan said, and for once the reminder wasn’t meant to be poisonous. “Leave the matter to your sect elders.” He paused. “Or to me, I could handle it.”

“You could commit a murder, you mean.”

“A justified murder.”

“No, Ruohan-xiong.”

“How do you put up with this?” Wen Ruohan complained to Lao Nie, who unbent just long enough to look amused. “This stubbornness.”

“Oh, come off it,” Lao Nie said. “You love it.”

“I admit to nothing.”

“You stopped trying to conquer the world for us, I don’t need you to say that you love us,” Lao Nie said. “You can give up on this murder for us, too. Now shift over, I’m taking the inside of the bed.”

“What? No! We’re not sharing a bed,” Lan Qiren said. “You’re both far too elbow-y.”

“That’s too bad for you,” Wen Ruohan said, curling up behind him, even as Lao Nie firmly planted himself in front of him, both of them careful to avoid the wound on Lan Qiren’s side and back. “This is an excellent position for dual cultivation –”

“Ruohan-xiong!”

“Non-sexual dual cultivation, Qiren, stop whining. You’re going to live a good long life whether you like it or not.”

“That’s not how that works,” Lan Qiren complained, but he knew he was already yielding.

“Yes, it is,” Wen Ruohan said in his ear. “I’ll make it be the way it works. You’ll see…”

[girlmeetsliv3]

Sandman II

Hyung Line X Reader

Genre: Mystery, Psychological Thriller, Horror

Rated: M

Word Count: 4.2K

Release Date: February 26, 2021 @ 5 p.m. (GMT-5)

“Three years ago, the town was rocked by the disappearance of YN YLN. A bright young girl who had dreams of attending university and becoming a nurse. YN was a kind, shy, studious girl who kept to herself and never caused any troubles associated with teens her age. So imagine her loved ones surprised when she disappears one night from bed - never to be seen again. The strangest part was that all her belongings had been taken, all the photos with her disappeared, and all her social medias deleted. But perhaps most peculiar was the wet sand found at the foot of her bed.”

Warning: Brief mention of death and suicide.

             The first words out of Kim Seokjin's mouth when they reached the car, after having been escorted through the back entrance to avoid the press, were "I'm sorry." YN hadn't even known how to react before Seokjin launched into a full-blown ramble, "I'm so sorry about that YN. I just - I have been so worried. We've all been, and we thought you - but now you're here. They didn't even tell us even though we're listed and to just think about how alone you've been. How confused you must feel -"

           YN placed her hands on top of his which rested on the shift gear, “It’s okay Jin. I understand.” She smiled at him tenderly before her sister’s words flashed through her mind, ‘Isn’t Seokjin the best?! He’s the only man you can truly rely on.’ Instantly YN took her hands off him, folding them on her lap. Now was not the time to dwell on those things. If Seokjin noticed the sudden shift in the air he didn’t comment on it, simply stating: “You’ve always been so understanding.” Before focusing on the road and turning the engine on, driving away. As they exited the parking lot, YN saw all the vans from the news outlets parked outside. Some she recognized, others she didn’t, but what she did notice was a large sign being held up by one of the reporters. It read: Sandman victim finally returns.

           It was as much a shock to me as it was to everyone when Seokjin and I started dating. He wasn’t my type. I can’t say for sure what it was that drew us together - maybe loneliness - or maybe I just liked the way people stared in shock at the fact that someone like him was with someone like me. That didn’t matter though, Seokjin and the others were always there. They were whatever I needed them to be. They would do anything to make me happy, but I wasn’t the only one they treated as special.

           When the car approached the front gate of Nagwon villas YN frowned, “Weren’t we going to the hospital?” The thought of being poked and prodded like a rag doll wasn’t a pleasing one, but she knew disappearing for three years and not remembering anything didn’t bode well. The only thing that could give a hint at what she’d endured, and why she’d forgotten, was her body. Seokjin shrugged, “I know you aren’t a big fan of doctors, so I asked Namjoon for a favor.” Namjoon? She wasn't sure she was ready to see Namjoon or any of them for that matter. She hadn't even thought about seeing Jin until he showed up. ‘He’s like something out of a fairy tale, isn’t he? A knight in shining armor.’ YN shook her head, don't think about her or you'll start crying like a child again. Everyone in her family had always called her a crybaby, teased her for not being able to hold her emotions in. Right now, though, she felt less like a newborn and more like an overflowed dam. About to break at any second.

           “Are the others going to be there?” Is he going to be there?

           “No, Hoseok is out of town. He should be coming back tomorrow though; I wasn’t sure if you wanted him to know you were back but it's all over the news.”

That wasn't who she was talking about and they both knew it. Still, if Seokjin was being ignorant then it was for a reason; so she went along with it. "Shouldn't it be Namjoon's dad?"

Seokjin glanced at her from the corner of his eye, “Namjoons a doctor now, babe. It’ll be him you’re seeing.” Perhaps still sensing her hesitance he continued, “Don’t worry his family has a private practice in their house for situations like this.”

“You’re all still friends?” She asked, looking outside the window at the passing houses. They passed several houses she recognized, having been inside a couple of them. Nagwon kids always threw the best parties; likely due to their houses being huge and the large amounts they could spend on booze. Her sister would always drag YN to one when she was stuck babysitting, at first she’d just sit around on her phone. Things became easier when they started hanging out with the guys though: there was always Hoseok to crack jokes, Namjoon to talk random things about, and Seokjin to offer whatever it was she needed. Yoongi was always there too, but they wouldn’t talk much just sit in silence.

“Of course, why wouldn’t we be? The best of friends.” There was no sarcasm or humor in his voice, he meant it. Maybe he truly didn’t care? Or three years was a long time to hold onto a grudge especially when the two at-fault for their problems disappeared from their lives. That’s probably why. With YN and her sister out of the way, things had gone back to normal for the men. Nonetheless, it felt like nothing between Seokjin and YN had changed, but that couldn't be true. It's been three years. That statement was difficult for her to wrap her head around, but it didn’t make it any less true. It had been three years and yet Seokjin acted like they hadn’t spent a single day apart. Her mind filled with questions and doubts, so much so she couldn’t help but ask.

“Did we hang out the night I disappeared?”

Seokjin took his hands off the wheel, she hadn’t even noticed the car had stopped, the look he gave her was a mixture of incredulity and hurt. “No, we didn’t. You told me you didn’t want to see me again.” His voice was tense, ears getting red the way they did whenever he was upset. “Don’t you remember?”

I did tell him that. She hadn't meant it of course, but YN tended to lash out when she felt cornered. Thinking back now, she remembered her cruel words how she had blamed Seokjin for something that was both their fault. The pain on his face and the desperation in his tone as he begged for her to forgive him, only for YN to kick him out and shut the door.

"I forgot. I'm sorry, Jin." She pressed her fingers into her palm, hoping the pain would take things off her mind.

“Hey.” Jin’s fingers gently gripped the bottom of her chin, “It’s okay. I forgive you, let’s just not talk about it again okay?” He pressed a quick kiss to the side of her head.

YN breathed deeply before unlocking the door and getting out. The Kim's large beige mansion stared down at her - it was the first time she’d been there, and the nerves were eating her up. Namjoon will probably have a lot of questions too. She had barely managed to get through one of Officer Taehyung’s questions before having a panic attack, YN had no idea how she would brave against Namjoon. With nerves clouding her senses she failed to notice the black motorcycle parked on the curve, slightly obscured by the shrubs. Had she YN would have avoided walking into a trap.

"Heard you got your ass whooped by Min." Jungkook laughed, as he sat on the edge of Taehyung's desk. "Did he take you over his knee and make you count to ten?" At that, a couple of others nearby chuckled. Taehyung rolled his eyes, "If he hears you, he'll take you over his knee." Jungkook shoved him softly, though 'softly' in this case meant Taehyung almost fell off his chair. Deciding to ignore him this time, he focused once again on the small font on his computer. Several minutes passed before Jungkook spoke again, "Is this about YN? If you're looking through the case files you won't find anything useful. Trust me, everyone in this room has gone through it multiple times."

There was a reason there was press lined up outside, nothing sold quite like a morbid story. ‘Girl disappears from her bed in the middle of the night with no trace behind’ had a nice hook to it. Taehyung had already been in the academy when it happened, but he was still shocked - especially once he found out it had happened in his hometown. Nothing ever happened in this town, they called it paradise for a reason. Yet someone had broken into the YLN family home and stolen a girl straight from her bed, nothing left behind but a bit of wet sand.

“It doesn’t hurt to look again, plus now we might get somewhere that she’s back. Find out who did it.” Taehyung scrolled down and started looking at all the pictures, he’d have to swing by the evidence locker later to see what they still had left physically.

“I’m just surprised the sister didn’t do it, given everything -”

Taehyung spun around quickly in his chair, “Don’t say that. Minsuh loved that kid, she’d never do anything to hurt her.”

“Yeah well that’s not what I heard,” Jungkook said matter-of-factly. “I know it isn’t good to speak ill of the dead, but Minsuh wasn’t as dignified as her name suggested.”

Taehyung turned away from the young cop, “Look you’re wasting my time and I have to focus on this case. YN’s going to come back tomorrow and we need to build a timeline, can’t do that without all the facts so just go away.”

Jungkook sighed, “Sorry man. I know the two of you were close,” Jungkook had seen how uncomfortable Taehyung had gotten when YN brought up him dating her sister. “But you know I’m not the only one that thinks so. Regardless, everyone knows it's not true now so there’s that.”

It doesn’t matter, Taehyung wanted to say, she died with everyone in this town thinking she was a murderer. Nothing will ever change that. Instead, he remained quiet, eyes focused on the computer screen. Gaze focused intensely on the pictures of YN’s bedroom as if they would wield together a logical story that would explain where she’d been this whole time.

Everyone in school had a crush on Namjoon. Smart Namjoon. Sweet Namjoon. Dimpled cheeks Namjoon. Girls and guys would swoon over him, talking about how they would love to feel his chest or sit on his thighs. They were all fools. Ah, yes, Kim Namjoon may look harmless but it's always the quiet ones you have to look out for.

It truly was a private practice, equipped with all sorts of equipment one might find in a typical emergency room. YN wondered why they would ever need something like that. Maybe high clientele? Though the closest things to celebrities that lived in this town were both Seokjin and Namjoon's families, then Jung's, and the Min's. Namjoon wasn't there when they first arrived but appeared quickly enough, the gentle smile on his face reminded YN of simpler times. "How are you?" It dawned on her then that was the first time she'd been asked the question. She'd been plagued by 'where were you?' 'how are you alive?' and 'I'm sorrys' since she'd woken up. No one ever thought to ask how she was.

“I’ve been better.” YN answered softly, afraid that if she spoke anymore, she would break down again. The men in the room seemed to read between the lines without her elaborating further. Seokjin squeezed her hand, “Well, I’ll give you two some privacy. I’ll be right outside if anything happens, okay?” Before YN could respond Jin once again kissed her forehead before walking away. Leaving her alone in the stark white room with Namjoon, who leaned against a medical bed. His left hand patting the space beside him, “Let’s talk YN.” She grimaced slightly. “You’re in a safe space YN. You know me I would never do anything to hurt you and Seokjin is right outside if you need him. We’re your family.”

Family. They had been a sort of family, the five of them: always hanging out, sharing stories, meals, and memories. It didn't matter that she was much younger or that the only reason she was tolerated was that Minsuh was dating Seokjin. They had always been kind, always been loving, always been there. Even when her actual family wasn't. They’re all I’ve got… at least until dad comes. Once she sat down the doctor offered a genuine smile, it reminded her of all the times the two would stay up late studying at the library. A warmth that eased away from the chill she'd had all day lead to the first genuine smile on her face, “Thanks Namjoon.”

“I told you to call me Joon remember?” His broad shoulder playfully brushed YN’s, before he began conducting his examinations.

      “You know being clandestine isn’t your strong suit.” Kim Seokjin leaned against the black LeoVince Racer waiting for his friend to exit from the back of Namjoon's private practice. Min Yoongi looked like he hadn't slept for days and had the corners of his lips turned upward in a way that was half-way between a snarl and a smirk. "I'd beg to differ." Yoongi responded, approaching the man as he adjusted white medical papers into his jacket's hidden pockets.

Seokjin eyed them carefully, “If you’re caught with those you could face serious trouble.”

Yoongi laughed, “Who’s going to catch me? The sheriff?”

           Seokjin rolled his eyes, empty threats and warnings weren’t going to change anything. “What do the papers say?” He tried to grab them, but Yoongi blocked his hand easily. Maneuvering Seokjin off his bike so he could get on it.

           "Ask the doc or her. She doesn't keep secrets from you." Yoongi's eyes were cold and his voice lacked the playfulness present before. Seokjin knew better than to press his buttons any further, "Go before she sees you." Not that it mattered much, YN would be face to face with all of them soon - a reunion was inevitable. Nonetheless, Yoongi was a sore spot for her; the more Seokjin could delay their meeting the more things could go according to plan.

        “So you’re officially a doctor?” YN asked as Namjoon finished up drawing the last of her blood. They'd done all types of x-rays, physical, and psychological examinations to check her well-being. No words had been shared between the two, but the silence was beginning to bother her.

“Well, yes and no. Still must finish my residency, but I have most of the hours done.” Namjoon replied nonchalantly.

Whenever the subject had come up before Namjoon had dreaded having to take over the family business, feeling it was a role he was being pushed into. Guess things have changed. “I thought you didn’t want to be a doctor.”

He shrugged in response, “I guess I finally understood why my dad loved it so much. Medicine, biology, psychology, chemistry are all things that are useful.”

“You became a doctor became because it was useful? That doesn’t make much sense.” YN chuckled as Namjoon placed a bandage on the inside of her arm. He chose not to reply immediately, instead, holding up a lollipop that was inside his pocket. She took it with little thought. “Little makes sense in life. Human beings are just inherent paradoxes.” Minsuh always said that. It was one of the things the two sisters never agreed on. Minsuh always argued that people could still technically be considered ‘good’ no matter what they did. YN disagreed. Can’t do bad things and still be a good person. Namjoon clapped his hands together, signaling they were done and proceeded to help YN off the bed.

“Thanks, Joon.” She shot him a smile which she hoped looked more sincere than it felt. Though tensions didn’t run as high with Namjoon as they did with the others, it didn’t mean it was smooth sailing. Namjoon, like always, understood exactly what she meant and didn’t push. “Of course, YN. Anything for you.” With the promise her results would be ready in a couple of days, he sent her back on her way.

When she exited Seokjin was waiting outside with a furrow on his brow. Now what? YN didn’t know where else to go from here, what else to do, it felt like she’d hit a roadblock. I could go back home. Was that place even home anymore? Without her family, furniture, memories – could she return, or would it be too painful? Was she even allowed to return? It had looked abandoned when she’d been inside, so certainly YN wasn’t trespassing.

“It’s okay YN. You can stay at mine until we figure something out. I wouldn’t want you out of my sight anyway, it’s dangerous.”

It didn’t sit right with her to rely on Seokjin so much – or be under the same roof as him – but she would be lying if she said it didn’t ease her anxiety. “You’ve already done so much. I couldn’t ask that of you.” Her hands were shaking as she said the words, but even if she wanted to say yes immediately. YN couldn’t be selfish.

“No, I haven’t. Trust me.”

Before YN could ask what he meant Seokjin took hold of her wrist gently pulling her to the car.

Jung Hoseok. Lovely Hoseok. Funny Hoseok. Sweet Hoseok. The boy whose smile lights up the sky and everyone just gravitates towards him. No one could ever dislike him. Mr. Popular always putting others before himself. Dear sweet Hobi is an angel sent from heaven, but he isn’t as innocent as he seems. People tend to forget Lucifer was god’s favorite before he fell from the sky.

“Honestly was it really necessary to put on this whole show?” Hoseok wiggled his wrists causing the handcuffs to jingle against the table. Taehyung’s face remained stoic as he proceeded to read from the file. “A bit strange isn’t that YLN YN returns when you just so happen to out of town, Mr. Jung.” His eyebrow arched highly, Hoseok would’ve laughed if not for the situation he was in. “No it isn’t. I take a family trip around this time every single year detective. I told this to the sheriff three years ago and I’ll repeat this now.” He leaned forward the mirth gone from his mouth, “I had nothing to do with what happened to YN. I wouldn’t hurt her or anyone else for that matter.” Hoseok sighed, leaning back on the uncomfortable chair. “Look officer, I know its procedure and the prime suspect is always the boyfriend, but it wasn’t me.”

Even if Taehyung doubted that with every fiber of his being, he had nothing else to go off on. Jung Hoseok’s alibis were airtight, had always been, not to mention it would be extremely out of character for him to harm a bug – much less orchestrate something to this degree. It had been reckless to ask for him to be picked up from the city, but today had been a long day and there were just too many coincidences for the investigator to ignore. “Very well Mr. Jung. You’re free to go but I suggest you don’t leave town on another family vacation any time soon.” He reached towards his belt, taking out the keys and uncuffing Hoseok. Taehyung was on a tight schedule anyway; it would only be a matter of time before the sheriff returned from his lunch break. Seeing his son’s best friend in handcuffs would only cause Taehyung to be even more reprimanded.

With the cuffs off him, Hoseok stood up, stretching his lithe limbs. "You used to call me Hyung remember? Back when you were desperate for Minsuh and you to be a thing." Taehyung recalled having felt the need to please her friends to get her to look twice at him. Where’s this coming from? Hoseok looked down at him with cold eyes, "You know we never blamed you for how you reacted to things ending Tae. Heartbreak can make a man go crazy after all." The tension in the room was palpable when suddenly a smile broke out on Hoseok's face. "Sorry, it was silly of me to bring that up. We were all kids after all." With that he walked away from the desk and opened the door, turning around just enough to wink at Taehyung before the door closed completely.

Hoseok felt his phone vibrate inside his pants and rolled his eyes, without even looking he knew who it was. Taking the phone out, he swiped right and immediately spoke. “Yah, you won’t believe what just fucking happened. Where are you anyway?”

“Sorry it isn’t much.” Seokjin apologized as he handed YN the pile of clothes. “Tomorrow we’ll go shopping for essentials.” YN shook her head, “Thanks, I don’t need much. My dad shouldn’t take too long in coming to get me anyway.” She placed the clothes on the banister in the bathroom, content to finally be able to shower and become clean. It had been a long day, some soap and water might not wash the pain away, but she could pretend it would. There was another thing weighing on her mind, a thought that would simply not go away. For as kind as Seokjin had always been with her, even he had his limits. This behavior felt a bit out of character with the person she knew – the one she remembered.

“Why are you doing all this Jin?”

The man in question froze as if stunned, "What do you mean?" His dark brows furrowed, his lips turning down into a grimace.

“Going to see me, Namjoon, letting me stay over. All of this,” she gestured to the bathroom which had been prepared with candles, bath bombs, and calming music. It’s out of character for you. Kim Seokjin had never really been the romantic type, caring yes, but not sentimental. “Is it out of guilt?” Is it out of pity? YN may not remember what happened the night she disappeared, but that summer would forever remain ingrained in her head. "Do you blame yourself for what happened?" Or are you doing this because you feel responsible? Which one was it? Maybe all of them combined?

Seokjin ran a hand through his hair, “Yes.” Without elaborating anymore, he walked out of the bathroom shutting the door behind him.

             When YN walked out of the bathroom she felt much better. All of the day’s events had worn her thin and she was ready to head straight to bed, but not without seeking Seokjin out and confronting him. Yes? Yes, to what exactly? Everything? She hadn’t been able to find the house slippers she’d borrowed, so she traveled through the house and down the stairs barefoot. Barely making any sound. She could hear loud audio coming from the living room and voices on the other side where the library was. Though she could recognize Seokjin as one of the voices, her feet dragged her to the living room, nonetheless. Deeming it better to wait until he was done than interrupting what sounded like an important conversation.

           The couch had been changed into a leather sectional angled towards the screen as had more of the décor. It looked less like a family home and more like a bachelor pad now if YN was honest. Seokjin the bachelor. He had always had someone attached to his side whether it be a dancer, cheerleader, private school girl, and eventually her sister. What about you? YN shook her head, wanting the thought to disappear as quickly as it had appeared. The television distracted her once she picked up on what was being said. It was a newsreel showing a bleached blonde with shiny hair and pouty lips holding a microphone. Behind him was YN’s home, or what used to be, in the dead of the night it looked eerie. After basic introductions the news anchor began speaking:

           “Three years ago, the town was rocked by the disappearance of YN YLN. A bright young girl who had dreams of attending university and becoming a nurse. YN was a kind, shy, studious girl who kept to herself and never caused any troubles associated with teens her age. Imagine her loved ones surprised when she disappears one night from bed - never to be seen again. The strangest part was that all her belongings had been taken, all the photos with her present disappeared, and all her social medias were deleted. Perhaps most peculiar was the only substantial evidence found by investigators was wet sand found at the foot of her bed.”

           “Try as they investigators could find nothing that could tell them what had happened to YN. Then a year later tragedy struck once more when on the anniversary of YN’s disappearance, YLN Minsuh – her older sister - took her and her mother’s life in a murder suicide. YN’s father who was present that night managed to survive. Many people took this to be an admission of guilt on the sister’s part, for the two had never had the best relationship. Though with no note, the case had no choice to remain open. Thankfully for a miracle would occur. Almost three years to the day, YN has returned to the exact spot of her disappearance. Residents and audiences nationally are overjoyed, and hope justice can now be served. Stay tuned as this tragic twisted tale continues to unfold. We’ll now switch back over to Bo for sports.”

           A piercing wail left YN’s mouth as she collapsed to the floor. Immediately, she was scooped off the ground into a warm embrace. “Jin?” She cried, but when she met the eyes of her savior the round hazel she was expecting was instead met with sharp feline ones. "Yoongi?!"

Tag List:

@saxpam24 

@cherriejams @electr1c-angel @uppiespuppy @illnevertrustmyselfagain

@dionysus-png @sugashaye​ @purpuravm​

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Happiness Continues

Part 12: Home

Summary: Jensen and Y/n are adjusting to being new parents when an unexpected visitor turns everything upside down.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 3.9K+

Warnings: Language, mentions of postpartum struggles, home invasion, attempted kidnapping

Author’s Note: Thank you all for the endless love, my girls who are always there to cheer me on, and my amazing beta @emoryhemsworth xoxo Alex

Catch up with the series masterlist and then check out Alexandra’s Library for more by yours truly!

4 Weeks Later

Steam billowed up from the mug that sat on the counter. Y/n dipped the teas bags in and out of the boiling water, letting the flavor steep out. Once she was satisfied that it had been long enough since she’d initially dropped the bags in, the mother pulled the soaking pouch from the mug, squeezing the excess water from them into the sink. She pulled open the tabs of the nursing bra she was wearing and stuck one bag into each cup, allowing the warm, humid, heat to surround her swollen nipples. 

“Every time I walk into this room you are doing something strange in our kitchen.” Jensen’s voice had her popping her head up, a soft smile on her face. Her husband was cradling their son in the crook of his arm, the infant cooing as he looked up at his father. 

“I looked it up online; it’s supposed to help with pain,” the noise that fell from her mouth was almost a whine… almost. 

“Have you talked to the doctor about it?” 

“Yeah, it’s likely he’s just cluster feeding because he’s going through his first growth spurt. It should taper off in a few days, but for now, he’s attached to my fucking breasts, so they are not having a good time.” Y/n picked up her mug and headed into the living room to plop down on the couch. 

It was no secret that parents, especially new parents, tended not to get much sleep, but nothing had prepared her for this level of exhaustion. Since birth, Y/n felt like she didn’t get any time to herself. She was a walking milk machine with her body attempting to heal at the same time, and more than once, she found herself in tears out of pure frustration. Jensen had been wonderful, of course, and having Donna around during that first week was a godsend, but they could only do so much, especially now that he was cluster feeding. The fact that Ezra was even letting Jensen hold him at the moment was something of a miracle. She was hoping the tea might help her sleep a tad more soundly, something she had been struggling with since her son was born, her body hyper-aware of everything happening around her, but she had to be careful and watch how it affected the baby. The tip about the tea bags on her sore nipples was a lucky bonus.

Jensen followed her to the couch, sitting beside her as their son babbled away in his arms. The new mother couldn’t even stop herself, her attention immediately on Ezra. She smiled brightly down at him, using her free hand to wipe away the flyaway hairs at the crown of his head. Her husband watched the exchange, an equally wide grin on his face. 

“He’s a growing boy, that’s for sure,” Jensen agreed, watching his wife with an amused smile. 

“Yeah, well, I wish he would stop.”

“Don’t all parents wish that?” He sat back in his seat, laying out Ezra along the length of his lap. The little boy peered up at his parents, his chubby legs and arms thrashing about. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted, her voice high as she played with the giggling baby during their conversation. Y/n continued to make faces at the smiling baby as she spoke, her attention divided between the men in her life. “I just know it makes me feel old.”

“It makes you feel old?” He scoffed out a laugh at her comment.

“You know what I mean. He’s already growing out of outfits. I blame you and your damned height for that.”

“Oh, as if height doesn’t run on your side of the family,” Jensen pursed his lips and she laughed at him. 

“Fine, you’ve got me on that one. I’ll just blame my dad.” She turned her attention from the infant, whose eyes had begun to grow heavy, a beaming smile on her face as she looked at her husband. 

“Sounds good to me,” he smiled back at her, leaning in to peck her lips. “I’m going to see if he’ll let me rock him.” 

“Okay, I’ll see you in bed.” Y/n watched as Jensen shifted Ezra back into his arms so he could stand. He turned to her as he got to his feet, the tall Texan bouncing the infant in place as he spoke. 

“It’s seven-thirty.”

“Yeah, so I’ll see you in bed,” she repeated with a pat to his behind as she stood along with him. Jensen shook his head as he headed off, leaving her to get ready for the night with a smile on both their faces. 

****

The cries ringing through the house grew insistent, the pitch rising fast through the baby monitor before she was jolted awake. Her body jumped from the bed on instinct, startling the sleeping man next to her. 

“Again?” He husked, his voice like gravel as he didn’t bother to open his eyes, but he recognized the sound filling the bedroom. Y/n wiped her hand over her face, rubbing her knuckles into her tired and sore eyes. 

“Yeah, it’s the damn cluster feeding,” she replied as she tossed the covers from her body. Jensen moved to get up from the bed at the same time, but she gently urged him back against the mattress. “I’ve got him.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, unless you want to breastfeed him.” It was supposed to be a joke, but she was too exhausted to attempt to hide the aggravation behind her statement. Her adamance about avoiding a bottle had turned into Ezra refusing them, which meant that she and her nipples got no breaks. Not to mention if they wanted to break the cluster feeding, baby-to-breast was the quickest way.

A wide yawn broke across her face as she fetched her robe, slipped it on, and headed to the nursery. She let her muscle memory guide her body through the house, her eyes still struggling to open fully as she shuffled across the floor. The fatigue in every cell of her body was fighting against being awake again. 

Y/n pushed open the door with another yawn, her eyes on the crib as she entered. Between the cries, the white noise machine, and the lethargy, her brain didn’t process that something was off until it was too late.

“Hello, Y/n.” Y/n whipped around, her breath catching in her throat at the sight in front of her. Seated in the glider in the corner of the nursery was Chandler, her son wailing away in his arms as the man rocked the chair back and forth. Y/n opened her mouth to talk, but for once she was truly speechless. Adrenaline was now coursing through her blood, the only thought in her head on getting her son away from him. 

“There’s no way...” When she finally willed away the lump in her throat, the words slipped past her lips, cracked with fear. Chandler’s menacing grin somehow grew wider on his round face as she spoke. 

“Where there is a will, there is a way,” Chandler chuckled to himself as if he’d cracked some code and not just uttered one of the most common idioms in the English language. “See, I overestimated your security system at first. It messed up my whole plan, and I had to improvise. No worries though, he will not notice anything.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Her mind was reeling. Part of her was attempting to assess the situation, looking for any way out, while the other half listened to the deranged words of a sick man, but it seemed Chandler was the priority. That is until he no longer had her son.

“He thought he was doing the right thing by changing out the system when in fact he just made my job of freeing you that much easier,” Chandler went on as if she hadn’t said anything. “Hooking everything up to the Internet just makes it easier to hack. Besides, I was already on your computer—”

“Wait, my computer?” Her voice broke through his rambling. 

“I’ve been waiting for years now to save you, but I had to make sure you were safe in the meantime… so I have been keeping an eye on you,” Chandler explained to her, the nonchalance in his voice terrifying as her son continued to cry in the man’s arms. 

“You cloned my computer.” The realization hit her like she had been slapped. 

“More or less,” Chandler rolled his eyes at her statement. That action somehow irritated her more than the fact that he was holding Ezra hostage at the moment.

“You keep saying ‘save me.’ Save me from what?” At this point, Y/n was only trying to buy herself some time to come up with a plan of her own. Her eyes flickered around the room, landing on the baby monitor sitting high on the wall. The green light on the side of the camera was not shining, signaling that it had been turned off. Whether it was Jensen or Chandler who had done it, she couldn’t be sure. Both her and Jensen were guilty of shutting the device off in the past if their son was still fussy as someone was attending to him in the middle of the night. It was the only way they managed to get an inkling of sleep some nights. Now she was afraid that it could be her undoing. 

“This obviously,” he indicated the child in his arms. The infant was still fussing, but his cries had grown softer in the mere minutes since she had walked into the room. “This cliché of a life you’ve gotten yourself into.”

“What if I told you I loved my life?”

“I sincerely doubt that.”

“You don’t even know me!” Y/n reared back at his observation, more than irritated that she had been dropped into the lunacy of this man’s head once again.

“I do know you!” Chandler yelled back, the roar in his voice startling the fussing baby and sending him into another frenzy of cries. He rose to his feet then, and she could now make out the holster on his hip. Y/n stepped back, the revelation of the possible escalation of the situation heavy on her shoulders. “I know you’re way too good just to be someone’s wife and mother!” 

It took her a moment to find her voice again, the frightened woman shaking where she stood as she kept her eyes on her son. All she wanted was for him to put Ezra down, but she had to be careful how she went about it. There was no telling what might set him off next time. 

“So what now?”

“We leave,” Chandler allowed the grin to return to his features, the triumph in his eyes not lost on Y/n. “You and me.”

Y/n bit down hard on the tip of her tongue, wanting to say anything but what she ended up saying next. “Okay.”

****

The faint sound of a distant shout and the continued muffled cries from across the house pulled Jensen back to consciousness. He blinked in the darkness, confusion taking over as he realized what he was hearing. 

He rolled over in the bed, noticing Y/n was still up, making the cries of his son unusual. The still groggy man crawled across the bed and snatched the baby monitor off of the nightstand. He hit the power button, bringing the screen back to life in no time. As it adjusted to the darkness of the room, he could see where his wife stood near the doorway, but she wasn’t holding Ezra, and Jensen couldn’t see him in the crib. The scene perplexed his tired mind. That was until his wife’s voice came through the small monitor.

“So what now?” 

“We leave.” 

The sound of a second voice in the room had Jensen on his feet in an instant. He cursed under his breath as he ran back to his side of the bed and pulled his pistol out of the locked compartment at the bottom of his drawer where it had been waiting for this very moment. Somewhere deep down, he’d always suspected they hadn’t seen the last of the man that haunted his wife’s dreams. Though he’d hoped that it wouldn’t play out this way, he hadn’t disregarded any of the potential scenarios where Chandler may re-emerge. 

Jensen expertly checked the magazine and chamber before flipping off the safety. He ripped his phone from the charger and dialed 9-1-1, putting it on speaker in front of the monitor before sprinting from the bedroom. His long legs brought him to the nursery in no time, his wife’s name on the tip of his tongue.

“Y/n!”

****

“Okay?”

“Yes, just—” The sound of her name had her spinning on her heel, her husband skidding to a stop behind her. His brow creased in the center of his forehead as they made eye contact before he lifted the gun in his hands. The glare that settled into his features as he took in the scene in front of him was downright terrifying to look at. “Jensen, no!” 

“I would listen to her,” Chandler challenged, his actions mirroring that of the enraged husband and father. With the baby in his grip, he was at a disadvantage physically, but the reality was that meant he now held all the cards. 

“Please?” Y/n put her hands up, one towards Jensen and one towards her stalker. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she turned a pleading gaze on her husband. “Jensen put the gun down.” 

“Y/n—”

“I’m leaving,” she hiccupped, hoping he would understand what she was doing, that every action from here on out was about making sure Ezra was safe. Most of all, she hoped Jensen knew that no matter what, she loved him. “Put it down.” 

Jensen searched her face, his eyes scanning over every inch of her tear-stained features, searching for anything to hint she was lying to him, but the truth was she had every intention of going. If it meant Ezra was safe, she would leave and figure the rest out later. It was all she had right now. He nodded, his eyes glistening as he succumbed to the truth in her words. He clicked the safety back on and set it on the ground before kicking it away from him. 

Y/n turned back to Chandler. “See, I’m coming with you, but you’ve got to put my son down. Please, just put him in the crib and I’ll go wherever you want.” The man eyed her before glancing at the crying infant. Carefully he placed Ezra into the crib, his eyes never leaving the couple as he did so. A shuddering breath escaped her chest as soon as her son was out of the line of fire. 

“Go,” Chandler indicated out the door with his gun, the action causing Y/n to flinch, but she did as she was told. Jensen was forced to step back and watch as the woman he loved was carted off at gunpoint. Instinct was yelling at him to go after them, but one false move could mean he risks her life and he had their son to think about too, so instead, he let her go. 

Y/n kept her head forward, blinking back the tears that were blurring her vision as she walked. The unknown laid out before her with every step she made, and it took everything in her to keep from breaking into hysterics. Her chest ached with every fractured breath she attempted, bordering on hyperventilating. Chandler grabbed her arm as she passed the door outside, tugging her back and out the door into the courtyard. She shivered in the night air, the stone wet and cold under her feet as he dragged her along. Her whole being wanted to protest, but there was no use anymore, she was at his mercy. 

He continued to drag her down the driveway and into the road, his grip tightening on her bicep. Her feet shuffled beneath her, her toes going numb from the cold with every step. There was no telling where or how far he would take her. She only hoped someone would be able to find her, or one day she’d be able to find her way back.

Chandler walked up to a parked car sitting at the end of the street less than two houses down from her home. He guided her to the passenger seat, unlocking the door and tugging it open for her. Y/n let out a huff as he shoved her forward, biting her tongue to stop the comment she wanted to spit at him. She turned her back on him before she got in, her eyes going straight to his hands and the gun where he was flipping off the safety. The once irritated woman saw his guard down as her opportunity to run, her stomach now in her throat. It was now or never. 

The woman used this momentary distraction to disarm him, the gun skidding against the asphalt and behind the car. She lunged for the device as he howled from the pain she inflicted to his wrist, picking up the pistol in trembling hands and bolting across the street. Temporarily dazed, Chandler unintentionally gave her a head start before chasing after, anger enticing his actions. His hand reached out just as she got to her feet, gun in hand, his fingers gripping a sliver of the tie of her robe to tug her backward, making Y/n lose her footing. Her body tumbled to the ground, the wet concrete slicing up the exposed skin of her extremities. 

“Stop!” She screamed as she hastily rolled onto her back, the gun aimed at his head as he loomed over her. Her heavy breaths fanned into the night sky in a plume of white mist as she laid out on her back in the middle of the street. 

“Ha, you won’t do it,” he snarled, taking in the way the adrenaline and cold had her whole body shaking. 

“Try me,” she growled back, refusing to give him the satisfaction of hearing her break yet again. His eyes narrowed as he contemplated whether or not she was capable, but Y/n held her ground, refusing to move first. The sound of police sirens hit before the blue and red flashing lights began to bounce off the nearby houses. Y/n let out a breath as a police car skidded to a stop just in front of them, the headlights bathing the two in blinding light. 

“Drop your weapon!” She heard the shouts coming at her, but she wasn’t ready to give in. More than anything she wanted to shoot him, for the months of worry and stress to be over once and for all, but she knew deep down that it was over. Y/n put her hands up in defense, dropping the clip from the gun before setting it down slowly and pushing it out of her reach. 

Then everything happened in a blurred mess. She was on her stomach, her hands being pulled behind her back and secured into metal cuffs before the officer brought her to her feet. It was now that she finally let the floodgates open, every emotion hitting her at once and racking her body with sobs. The cops must have thought she was crazy, but she honestly didn’t care. 

“Shit, Y/n!” Jensen’s voice had her popping her head up. He was jogging down the street towards her in just his boxers and a robe. The cop turned on him as he approached, stopping in his path. 

“Sir, please, you’re gonna have to stand back.” The cop grabbed him by his shoulders as Jensen continued to try and pass him.

“The hell I am! You have my wife in handcuffs!” Jensen barked as he knocked the hands of the cops away from his body. 

“This is your wife?”

“Yes, now will you tell me why she’s being detained?” Jensen kept trying to peek over the cop’s shoulder, trying to meet his wife’s eye as she continued to sob. The sight hurt worse than watching her walk out the door. After everything she’d been through, now this, and he couldn’t even be there to hold her. 

“She was pointing a gun at this man when we pulled up,” the police officer explained.

“Maybe because he was trying to kidnap her!”

“Sir, please, it's just procedure. Let us take both your statements and we can go from there,” he assured Jensen. 

“Can I at least see her?” The annoyance was heavy in his words. The cop nodded and Jensen didn’t think twice before rushing to her side. He pulled her body into his arms, cradling her head against his chest as he began to cry with her. “Don’t you ever do anything like that to me again.” 

“I’m sorry, I had to for Ezra,” she wept, her inability to hold him as well making everything worse. Jensen sighed, his whole body going slack when her words registered in his head.

“Shhh, I know, I know. I just—I can’t lose you.” He kissed the crown of her head, one hand moving to rub up and down her back as he continued to try and soothe her. 

The police officer returned with the gun now in an evidence bag. Y/n couldn’t believe what was happening. She felt like she was watching someone else’s life through their eyes and not her own. It was all so surreal. The officer took Jensen’s statement before she insisted he go back to the house. He didn’t want to go, but he’d been gone long enough, the baby monitor in his pocket not sufficient for anything longer than he had been away. He reluctantly left her in custody, placing one last kiss on her forehead before he returned to their son.

Once the paramedics arrived on the scene a few minutes later, the cops released her, Y/n’s statement, and Chandler’s record enough to explain the scene they had arrived at. She didn’t want to let the medics clean her wounds, her mind focusing only on returning home, but she eventually relented that it was the best course of action. The second they cleared her, Y/n was on her feet, running back to her house as if her life depended on it because honestly, she felt like it did. 

Jensen was waiting in the kitchen, attempting to feed a fighting Ezra a bottle. He turned when he heard the door opening, relief washing over him that she was back to him. The still shaking woman ran to her family, allowing her husband to properly wrap her in his arms as she held both of her men against her chest. Her face was shoved into his robe on his shoulder as she let the floodgates open, soaking the fabric in her tears. Jensen shushed her through the release, her body shaking as it came down from the high of everything that had happened. There was no stopping the trauma the night had inflicted upon her, no matter how much she tried. 

So she chose instead to let it out. At the end of it all, Y/n would push it all aside and move forward because she refused to let the experience control her any longer. All that mattered was continuing to build and nurture the family that she and Jensen had started. It wouldn’t be easy, but time would heal the wounds if she worked through them now, and her promise to the guys in her life was to figure it out. Her promise was one of a future filled with nothing but continued happiness.

Epilogue 

Forevers: @22sarah08 @akshi8278 @anathewierdo3467 @atc74 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @briagallen @callmekda @dawnie1988 @deandreamernp @deanwanddamons @ellewritesfix05 @emoryhemsworth @foxyjwls007 @hobby27 @janicho88 @jensengirl83 @katehuntington @lyarr24 @malfoysqueen14 @miss-nerd95 @mrsjenniferwinchester @msmarvelouswinchester @polina-93 @sleepylunarwolf @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan @smol-and-grumpy @suckmyapplejacks @superfanficnatural @supraveng @talesmaniac89 @tatted-trina6 @thoughts-and-funnies @tranquility-or-chaos @waywardbeanie @winchest09

Happiness Continues: @afangirlreacts @anaelsbrunette @ashleyrose0117 @austin-winchester67 @cno92 @deanbowlegsackles @deangirl93 @deans-baby-momma @death-unbecomes-you @dvnmbabe @fangirl199813 @harryhook-lover @hoboal87 @itsdesiree86 @jbsgirl4eber11 @let-me-luve-you @linki-locks11 @lunarmoon8 @neverland14353 @onethirstyunicorn @parinarain @rebeccathefangirl @rebelemilu @smoothdogsgirl @spnfamily-j2 @squirrelnotsam @stoneyggirl @supernatural3002 @traceyaudette @winchestergirl82 @winqhster @zpandaqueen

If your username is crossed out, Tumblr will not let me tag you. Sorry!

[quismetarc]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞   𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐧:   𝐚   𝐩𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥   𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐬

before reading this,  please keep in mind that by no means am i a medical professional trained in any sort of mental diagnoses.   these are all extrapolations and just because i personally love doing deep dives in a character’s psyche.   while i do have a science background,  it is not in psychology,  so this is based off very minimal psychology courses,  research and personal hypothesis.   below you will find a breakdown of what i perceive to be the psychological profile of love quinn,  both as per my portrayal of her and what i reference from the show.   for the sake of this not being many many pages long,  this has been narrowed down to what i think are some of the most important disorders to note and have been simplified drastically.

ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER

love has antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).   this is what is commonly referred to as psychopathy or sociopathy.   in order to be diagnosed with ASPD,  three or more of the criteria must be met past the age of 15.   below is the list of traits taken from the DSM-5, highlighted are the five love meets:

deceitfulness is one that can be argued,  because love tends to lie in order to cover any crimes or mistakes she’s made.   it doesn’t necessarily fall into the purpose of conning or personal profit or pleasure.   but i’ve highlighted it to make note that love can be incredibly deceitful and is a tactical liar.   it’s been said time and time again,  especially in season 3 that love quinn is impulsive.   every act of aggression she has shown has resulted in death because of how impulsive she can be.   this ties hand in hand with reckless disregard for safety of self or others.   while we see a brief moment where love seems to show remorse when it comes to gil’s death,  i think that primarily stems from the fact that her plans hadn’t panned out how she had expected them too.   i view every moment where love seems emotional about a death (i.e natalie and gil) to be a direct result of fear for herself and safety rather than remorse for her victim.   below is an excerpt from the DSM outlining the lack of remorse with examples that i think are appropriate for love:

they may be indifferent to, or provide a superficial rationalization for, having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from someone (e.g., 'Tife's unfair," "losers deserve to lose"). These individuals may blame the victims for being foolish, helpless, or deserving their fate (e.g., "he had it coming anyway"); they may minimize the harmful consequences of their actions; or they may simply indicate complete indifference.

a key note that the DSM makes is that “the occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.”   i will touch on love’s bipolar disorder,  but i don’t think any of her acts of aggression and violence were during any manic episodes.   they instead stemmed from impulsiveness and irritability.

to avoid rambling too much there are a few quotes in the DSM i’d like to highlight:

Biological relatives of individuals with this disorder are also at increased risk for somatic symptom disorder and substance use disorders:   in relation to forty’s substance abuse

There has been some concern that antisocial personality disorder may be underdiagnosed in females:   i think love was diagnosed with BP but never ASPD because of this

Child abuse or neglect, unstable or erratic parenting, or inconsistent parental discipline may increase the likelihood that conduct disorder will evolve into antisocial personality disorder:   see the treatment of love by dottie and ray quinn,  primarily dottie

while we know that love is a psychopath,  psychopathy isn’t explicitly defined in the DSM and instead has been proposed as a specifier under ASPD,  so that should be kept in mind.   i will separately post how i think love fares on the PCL-R (Psychopathy Checklist Revised) separately.

to note,  antisocial personality disorder cannot be diagnosed without a diagnosis of conduct disorder before age fifteen.

CONDUCT DISORDER

conduct disorder is broken into four categories:   aggression to people and animals,  destruction of property,  deceitfulness or theft,  serious violations of rules.   at the age of thirteen was when love had killed forty’s au pair,  which points to aggression to people and animals.   at least three of fifteen criteria must be met to be diagnosed with conduct disorder,  and i will only be highlighting the ones i believe she meets:

Has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others (e.g., a bat, brick, broken bottle, knife, gun):   love had used a knife to kill sofia

Often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid obligations (i.e., “cons” others):   as a child,  i think this was more prominent with love.   she would call them her white lies,  twisting the truth in order to get what she wanted.   i.e manipulating / gaslighting other people

i don’t think love would entirely meet the criteria for conduct disorder at first,  especially because it requires repetitive behaviour and only one major event would fall into the conduct disorder category.   but i do think this would be something noted in her profile and later re-examined when diagnosing ASPD.  in this examination,  the last criteria would be brought into play,  bringing her to a total of three out of fifteen:

Has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in the parental or parental surrogate home, or once without returning for a lengthy period:   i do think love has run away from home,  likely with forty when home got a little too much to handle.   however,  i do think this is something that would be disregarded as typical prepubescent teen behaviour and not noted until further examination of her profile

once again,  i don’t think conduct disorder entirely fits for love,  but there is evidence of conduct disorder which is what leads to the diagnosis of ASPD.

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

there is a slight reference by dottie to the fact that love has borderline personality disorder in season 3,  and for this reason i think that love does already take medications to treat her BPD.   that also means we don’t entirely have a full picture of the extent of love’s BPD.

similarly to ASPD,  BPD also has a set number of criteria that must be met in order to be diagnosed.   highlighted below are the following that i believe love exhibits:

going through this one at at a time below:

love clearly has a problem with abandonment,  and i think this stems from her attachment to forty.   she’s had multiple scares where she’s thought that she would lose her brother,  and a part of her fears come from that.   we see her frantic effort to avoid abandonment with how desperately she keeps joe around.   even more so,  when she had told joe about her paralyzing james,  it wasn’t to kill him.   it was to convince him to stay with her despite it all.

i think both love and joe do this.   it’s very clear that all of love’s personal relationships are incredibly intense,  seen with joe and forty primarily.   the idealization of these relationships is what leads to her intense connections.   and i think,  if time had permit,  she would have ended up devaluing her relationship with joe when he turned more and more into a man she didn’t want. 

i’ve touched on love’s impulsivity more than once,  so i think it’s self explanatory at this point.

i think that love lacks a sense of self.   she has grown so used to molding herself to become what everyone would like that she doesn’t have a real version of herself to fall back to and this results in this unstable sense of self.  as per the DSM:  There may be sudden changes in opinions and plans about career, sexual identity, values, and types of friends.   i think this is very clearly seen with the shift in love’s friend groups,  and her going from an independent woman to a very motherly,  homely figure in season three.

both her reactivity of mood and her inappropriate,  intense bursts of anger are seen time and time again in season 3 when she suddenly snaps.   like a boiling kettle,  she seems to blow in a second’s time.  “the anger is often elicited when a caregiver or lover is seen as neglectful, withholding, uncaring, or abandoning”   which is often the case when love snaps due to joe.

note this excerpt from the DSM that adequately explains love and how she develops her intense interpersonal relationships (point two):

They may idealize potential caregivers or lovers at the first or second meeting, demand to spend a lot of time together, and share the most intimate details early in a relationship.

a common co-occuring disorder is bipolar disorder,  which i believe love has shown signs of as well but will not be touched on in this post.

lastly,  to note:   “borderline personality disorder is diagnosed predominantly (about 75%) in females.”

to wrap this up,   once again,   i am not a professional and this is not an actual diagnosis.   all my information is taken from the DSM-5 and a few quick searches online,  very basic very bare bones.   i will reiterate time and time again,  that mental illness doesn’t make a murderer.   at the very least,  not the mental illness we talk about in terms of everyday society and mental health.   but a murderer’s psyche is not of the norm so this is an exploration as to how she would possibly be diagnosed if given the chance.

[snapeaddict]

Hi, what do you say to the people who claim Regulus is the real Slytherin hero, and not Snape? To me RAB always seemed like a plot device and nothing more so I don't get why he's being worshipped... He's just another rich pureblood kid...

I say this is a very bad take, and it is disrespectful (that's a strong word for something that isn't really important but I cannot think of a softer version) of the actual people who enjoy his character. I'm going to write down some thoughts, but there's more to it than just what I would reply to them - allow me to ramble a little on the roots of this claim and on the thought process embraced by Snaters and Marauders apologists (I've seen that some people don't like this term, so I mean people who erase the Marauders' flaws and make them morally superior to Snape, justifying them being abusers and him being abused.)

The nonsense of comparing a plot device to a complex, layered character: Comparing Severus and Regulus is ludicrous. You are comparing one of the most (I would argue the most well-written and complex, but Dumbledore is quite something as well) well-written, accomplished character of the books to a plot device. It is indeed what Regulus is, no matter if his character could have been really interesting/seems to be interesting: we know very little of him, and he exists solely for the Slytherin locket plot. The very little we know of him certainly isn't enough to express any critical judgment of his character; he is mostly made out of white pages which are filled out by his fans, which is great, and by the people making this kind of argument, which is unfortunate.

The interest in the character only stems in his usefulness: I would argue that the vast majority of people making this claim do not care at all for the character himself, despite using him as a moral high ground. It is not his character which interests them, but how useful he can be to fuel their hate and biased claims. His personality? Having being sorted in Slytherin. His merits? Being a Slytherin. This is the only fact that matters, because it allows them to 'prove' that Snape wasn't a hero (being a hero does not mean being a good person, by the way) and diminishes Severus' merits. Using a character solely for the purpose of depreciating, downgrading another is not appreciating them: it's just completely hypocritical. This is often the kind of flat argument used by people opposed to social justice movements, if you will allow the broad comparison: using something you have never cared for before (often minority populations) in an attempt to depreciate something, even though the very fact you are using them for this purpose shows how little concerned you are with the actual people you are talking about. Well, it reminds me of this a bit. The true purpose is to try and impose your own views, and here they try to legitimise them by filling an almost inexistent character with their views to carry on with their agenda.

The sudden leniency toward privileged characters: Making such a claim in fact once again proves that Snaters have an extremely biased, subjective and elitist vision of what being good means, an opinion on what is moral integrity (and superiority because they keep comparing people), which they also apply to James and Sirius. I think Regulus is loved because he is a Black, respected by the fandom because he comes from a pureblood, rich family. It is very easy to prove: look at how much love Draco and Lucius get, despite being supporters of blood supremacy, active members of a terrorist group, using discriminatory insults on a daily basis, being actively supportive of the murders of muggle borns/participating in these murders [do not misinterpret this - I'm pointing out double standards, not saying they should not be loved. One's interest in a character does not depend on the character's morals]. Look at how respected Snape was in the fandom before book 6, when people thought he was a rich pureblood from an ancient family. Social hierarchy has a great impact on how people view characters, and they tend to be much more lenient toward privileged characters, because prestige is attractive, even in fiction. Similarly - but it is more concealed - there is the usual refusal to acknowledge that social inequalities do impact one's life, choices, and opportunities to be or do good. The quote "You didn't make good choices! You had good choices" (Little Fires Everywhere) works quite well in this context, especially regarding James and Severus, but also regarding the Blacks versus Severus. Severus' survival was completely, utterly dependent on his adherence to blood supremacist values. This must be taken into account - but weirdly, this is an argument that is often used to prove Sirius' moral superiority, because his family required him to share their beliefs. This is ignoring that despite his difficulties, he still beneficiated from a support system and privileges that others did not have access to. Similarly, you cannot compare Regulus' and Severus' choices. And in my opinion, both are tragic; but if we had to take part in Snaters' silly arguments, then I would remind them that Regulus effectively had no obligation to join Voldemort, his parents were not death eaters. The pressure both characters experienced certainly wasn't of the same nature - even perhaps not of the same intensity. But does comparing them makes any sense, again...

The social biases: While Snape is blamed for his decision to join the death Eaters (rightly), Regulus is praised for his decision to leave them. While Regulus is pitied because he came from a family who brought him up with this ideology (just like Draco is), which apparently takes off all responsibility from him, Severus' background is never considered as a factor which pushed him right into extremists' opened arms. Regulus' privilege is used as an excuse; Snape's social disadvantage and familial issues are, at best, ignored, at worst, interpreted as proof of his inherently bad nature. Some people associate his upbringing with him being bad, whether they want to acknowledge it or not. While Regulus is headcanonned as handsome, Snape is constantly described as 'greasy' and 'ugly' by these same people, and you can see exactly how important appearances are to them. I'm even going to argue that worshipping a rich, handsome, privileged pureblood must sound better to them than being fond of the 'greasy git', and I am also saying these are mostly internalised biases. When you read these claims carefully, it sounds like in the mind of these people, Regulus is more legitimate as Slytherin's hero because he is better - inherently. And it is easy to see why.

The double-standards and their disturbing roots: This is also plainly ignoring the fact that Regulus and Snape defected for the same reasons, if we must make comparisons. Voldemort was targeting one of their loved ones, Kreatur for the former and Lily for the later, which made them realise, because they are humans and thus not selfless, how wrong his methods were when they turned against them. However, in Snape's case, turning against Voldemort in an attempt to save Lily is often held as proof of his selfishness/absence of morality: he wanted her for himself, he only deflected because someone he liked was in danger. In Regulus' case however, his gesture is seen as heroic and compassionate. Why? Well, there are a variety of reasons apart from Snaters' double standards, but I have noticed that most of them seem to think of Lily as 'belonging' to either James or Snape, and think Snape unworthy of having ever had Lily as a friend because of some kind of deep rooted flaws he had even as a child ('He tried to hurt Petunia with accidental magic when he was 11, he was always bad'. In fact I should make a post about how horrible this claim is.) In Regulus' case however, wanting to save Kreatur is seen as an act of compassion. Why? Not only because they want to make Regulus look better than Snape. I think it is also because Kreatur is a house-elf, an inferior being: Regulus' wish to protect him becomes praiseworthy, laudable, because house-elves do not really deserve consideration. So wanting to save him becomes an act of generosity. Even when you're not thinking of the double standards, this way of thinking is disturbing. Snape also turned against Voldemort at the age of 20, 21? Like Regulus did if I recall? They weren't death Eaters for very long. They both actively fought to bring Voldemort down. It would be tremendously hypocritical, wrong and plain bad faith to think of Regulus' action as superior to Snape's 20 years of hard work to bring Voldemort down.

So why can't Snape be a hero? I think this claim is a confession. To me it shows a very simplistic vision of heroism, of good and bad, of models, and a complete refusal to consider the grey, sometimes praise the grey- it's a failure to accept the complexity of the human functioning. Thinking that the people we praise for certain actions, or consider to be examples must be flawless is vain, simply because it is unrealistic, and we could not admire them/relate to them/like or dislike them/learn from them if they were not like us, layered and flawed - but this is exactly what this claim desperately wants us to believe. Or rather, what Snaters want to believe, while imposing their very biased views of good and bad, themselves rooted in prejudices. This is why they are using a character that is mostly inexistent: an empty, one dimensional character can fulfil this aim. This is also why so many people fail to appreciate characters such as James, Sirius and Remus without completely ripping off their flaws, and thus complexness - they cannot be loved if you can find fault in them.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

The Thief and the Tinker: a multipart Viren and Ethari theory

This one's got roots growing in several directions. I'll do my best to keep things succinct, but this will be a multipart post, each with an angst rating:

Part 1 (this post): Master Plan meets Lifelong Dream

Part 2: Out-crafting the Craftsman

Part 3: I See Fire

Part 4: Circles and Cycles

Part 5: Oops, I Did It Again

Part 1

Viren: Do you know how to pick a magical lock?

Ethari: No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it!

Master Plan Meets Lifelong Dream

Angst rating: 4/10

To begin, this is an expansion of an existing Viren theory I wrote up a while back, in which Viren manipulated events to draw Runaan to Katolis. In that theory, I guessed that he did it purely for answers about the mirror he'd stolen, and that he created his master plan on the spot once he got a good look at Laindrin's face markings.

Now I have more ideas to attach to that theory, both before and after the events in the Storm Spire and the dungeon, which change Viren's motives almost entirely and make him far more clever and hungry than before. God, I love a truly focused and galaxy-brained villain. It's so satisfying when they lose after stymieing protagonists for a good long while.

But Viren hasn't lost yet, and in this theoretical version of the future plot for TDP, he hasn't really begun to enact his master plan, either!

Let me start at the beginning:

Viren's self-worth issues probably started young, especially if he was befriended by a prince. That can do things to a young guy who's trying to prove himself (compare to Meng Yao from MDZS - his earnest tone hiding a constant misuse of facts, his tumble down a long staircase oop). Viren understands that knowledge is power, though, so he studies hard and learns well, hoping to be kept around by powerful people.

And then, as is only natural, he wants to be like those he admires. He wants his own power. But he doesn't believe that he has any, so he keeps his eye out for power that can be taken, possessed, used. That's all dark magic is, really. But the power of dark magic is temporary, fading as soon as the black leaves his eyes. Magical artifacts, now, those tend to stay around. Places of power, they endure. Viren would want these. Primal stones, his relic staff, Nexuses, artifacts, pendants, devices... these outlast any spell. They can be studied, and they can be defended - or destroyed.

Others may have dreamed of crowns and glory. Viren dreams of hardware. Magical hardware that he can hold and control. And I think he has already learned about an ultimate prize: something of great power in Xadia, which has a secret Key that's been lost.

Yes, I mean the thing that the Key of Aaravos is supposed to open. This whole theory turns on the point that Viren already knows it exists, that he's dedicated his life to finding a way to steal it. And I've got an idea for how he thinks he can do it.

It's the kind of plan that builds slowly, over years, and has dozens of steps. But this object, or place, or whatever it is, has been Viren's ultimate goal from the moment he understood what it could do for him. Everything he's done, in the past, in flashbacks, in the main plot, and everything he might do next, is in service to this one goal of possessing this mysterious power. Ingratiating himself with Harrow, Claudia and the unicorn, goading Harrow to kill Avizandum, and yes, even letting Aaravos spit in his eye and lead him into Xadia. Because by the time that happens, Viren has set everything in place, and Xadia is where he already knows he needs to go next.

And as of now, he's there. And maybe his next target doesn't have any idea he's coming, or what horrors he's perpetuated in preparation of their first meeting.

or does he

Yeah, this theory is going to get really dark. Feel free to start blaming @random-fandom-ramble too, though - she reminded me of the fire!

Haha, okay, let's back up just a little bit so I can be clear with what I'm theorizing for Viren.

Viren wants to break into this magical thing in Xadia because he can't find the key anywhere. And he's looked. Probably for years and years, with multiple trips all across the human lands, and probably into Xadia because Viren doesn't understand boundaries, to read scrolls and persuade people to part with their carefully guarded secrets.

I am loving the irony that Harrow, his best friend, has had it all along, and never told him. Maybe those two never once talked about these deep driving forces in their lives! Viren, who seeks this one device that can change his life, and Harrow, who guards this one device that he doesn't quite know what to do with. Did Harrow keep it from Viren on accident, or deliberately? It's way funnier and angstier if it's on accident and these two men just... never managed to speak about these matters that were so very near and dear to their hearts, despite calling each other a close friend.

So, Viren can't find the key. It might've vanished from official records 300 years ago, during the Mage Wars or something. So he searches fruitlessly for a long time before coming up with a better idea than wasting his time chasing less and less likely leads: crafting a new key.

If someone made a magical key once, he reasons, then someone else can make another one, right? All Viren needs to do is to find the perfect craftsman. Someone skilled with mechanics and fine details and magic alike. How hard can that be?

It could've taken him years and many failed attempts to locate people skilled enough to manage what he needed. Viren might've found some elves to motivate in assisting him, and they might not have worked willingly. I mean. He does have an elf skull on his shelf...

But then, one day, Viren hears about a skilled Xadian craftsman, good with enchantments, good with moving parts, a genius at his craft. He's so excited, he's found someone who can actually do what he needs done!

He has to try to contact him. It's of the utmost importance, a critical step in Viren's plan. No matter what it takes, he's got to convince Ethari to make this key for him.

Did he ask straight out, all excited and eager and pushy? I bet he had some kind of line to use on Ethari, all prepared. Something something peace and safety, end the war, everyone's happy, maybe? Appeal to his ego, to his intellect? "You and I, we're the same, no one else can grasp our genius"?

Viren's smooth, and he's memorized a lot of good lines. I bet he thought he could charm Ethari into doing what he wanted, one way or another. Especially if Ethari danced along and amused himself with pretending to listen (or thought he was keeping himself out of trouble by not saying No right off the bat and angering a dark mage).

But in the end, Viren couldn't charm him, and all his appeals fell on deaf ears. Once he truly grasped that he'd never earn Ethari's willing cooperation, he might've decided right then to make Ethari help him, because he needs what's behind that lock!

Such a move is very Viren, very "I know better than you." It would also be a great parallel with how Viren treated Runaan when he wanted answers about the mirror. And while Runaan was instantly "No, actually, fuck YOU" about his refusal to Viren, Ethari's a different elf, and he might have a very different approach to saying No when he must. Maybe he started with hints and demurring, hoping Viren would pick up on his reluctance, had to stand his ground at some point, and Viren accused him of sending mixed messages and got angry anyway, because how dare Ethari not give him what he obviously wanted and deserved all along.

Ah, Viren's character is so very capable of embodying all the metaphors for toxic dating culture. And I'm loving Viren vs. the elf husbands who are too loyal to each other Xadia to fall for his tricks.

Foreshadowy dialogue be like

Viren, mid-bargain: But I'll pay you whatever you want! Please!

Ethari, firmly: There is no coin of any value you could offer me to make me help you.

Viren: *grumpy we'll-see-about-that noises*

(and then we'd all have to wait for the penny to drop. as it were. please, I just want to make cheesy coin puns as a coping mechanism, is that too much to ask?)

Ethari might dance around a bit to avoid being rude (and avoid dying), but even if he found the thrill of the hunt desperately appealing, he'd never knowingly help a dark mage break through a magical lock. Right? Maybe? I think you'd need to hate Xadia to work with a dark mage, if you're an elf. I hope Ethari isn't in such a dark place. He's got enough dark places occupied already.

Alternately, consider this crackier take: Viren finds Ethari in Xadia before he marries Runaan, and he thinks he's making headway with his persuasive arguments, but on a later visit to seal the deal he can't find Ethari anywhere, and when he asks, he learns that his best bet for breaking into the vault of his dreams just married an assassin and disappeared into an invisible village. Cue Viren screeching into the night from a mountaintop like a rabid pterodactyl, and then framing dozens of humans for war crimes so Runaan has to leave home a lot to kill them, in an attempt to break them up so he can finally get Ethari to work for him.

I call it crack but my abuser literally tried that on me and my boyfriend, minus the war crimes. White Guys are great.

We'll come back to Ethari at the end for a big ol' helping of Heavy Angst, but for part 2, I want to explore what Viren might do to get Ethari's cooperation. He's not one to give up, not when he's put so much time and effort into his plan already.

part 2

[queertwilight]

LETS BE HUMAN FOR A DAY

Pairing: Edward x Bella (others will appear as the story progresses and no not all are canon)

And yes the person you think is a witch is a witch in this

This was in my drafts, idk if I’ll continue I guess it depends on if it’s any good?

Part One: Eyes

“Green,” he says out of nowhere and Bella tilts her head slightly even though she’s lying on her bed and he can’t see her from this angle. They are currently lying on opposite sides of her bed with their heads close together, so she knows he can feel her head move in a silent question. “My eyes were green, when I was human.”

“Green,” she murmurs testing how it sounds in her mouth. She’s too close to his face to look him in the eye, but from her angle she can see half of his iris and imagines it turning green. “What kind?”

He makes a small noise of confusion, almost like a humph, and she smiles knowing he’s annoyed at not knowing her question. He says it’s her mind’s brilliance that makes him so curious to hear her thoughts but she’s rather grateful he can’t. He didn’t need to know the amount of days she has spent drawing golden irises in the margins of her math homework. He’d think she was insane. “Bella?”

“What do you mean, what kind of green?”

His voice brings her back and she blinks rapidly to try and distract from the heat she feels climbing her neck to color her face red. “What kind of green?” She replies, knowing if she answers fast enough he’ll forget to tease her about her blush. And it works like a charm, he furrows his eyebrows as he peers sideways at her. She wants to reach out and smooth the skin there. Revel in how soft and smooth something so cold can be, in how his eyebrow muscles relax automatically at her touch.

“Yeah,” she whispers in reply. Their voices are softer now, as they tend to get when discussing his human days. Days she can never be a part of, days she wishes she could grasp from his mind to brush away the hurt that comes into his velvet voice when he remembers his mother. If she could soothe his pain how she soothes his furrowed brow, she would without a second thought. “Moss green? Jade green? Grass green? Blue green?”

“Ah,” Edward sighs as he understands at last where her mind had drifted to. “I don’t remember mine very well but I remember everyone comparing them to my mother’s. Carlisle says they were emerald.”

Of course, Bella thinks, they had to be as brilliant as a gemstone. Even human, Edward was beautiful and she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt for accidentally making him remember his mother. “They must have been beautiful, though I must admit I’m quite fond of golden myself.”

His quiet musical laughter shakes her bed, and her heart leaps at the joy she hears in it. That is until she realizes something, “Are you- I mean will you? Be fond of them too?” She stutters out the half question before realizing she could’ve just ruined the whole day. He didn’t particularly like remembering her decision to join him in becoming a vampire, and though they were better about communicating she still felt uneasy in mentioning it. The last time she had mentioned her transformation they had sat down and discussed how he would miss her heartbeat. It had been a moment of clarity for her, to realize that he loved her so much her heartbeat had become his personal version of a lullaby.

“What are you referring to?” His voice questions to her breaking her from her memories. Bella purses her lips, wondering if she should ask a different question, but the quirk in his eyebrow lets her know he can tell she’s plotting an escape. Even as she feels the apprehension rising in her stomach, she can’t help but smile slightly at how well they know each other.

“When,” she looks away and up towards the ceiling, “you change me. I know you’ll miss my eye color, you’ve said as much before. But will you learn to love my new eye color? Even before they turn gold, when they are still red? Or - I mean you don’t have to and please be honest don’t edit your answer to spare my feelings. I understand if you can’t - I know it will be a drastic change and I won’t force you to I mean we can completely ignore this in fact -“

“Bella,” his voice is firm but calm. She pauses in her rambling to see that he’s sitting against her pillows now with an easy crooked smile on his face. It makes her heart leap into her mouth and she swallows to try and get ahold of herself. It wasn’t fair how his smile still held the power to take her breath away or make her heart soar. His smile was home in its crookedness but just because it was home didn’t mean it wasn’t without its surprises. Sometimes she caught him smiling at her crookedly from the corner of her eye and the simple fact he looked at her like that without her always being aware of it caused her immense heart palpitations.

“Yeah?” Her voice wavers slightly but it’s not in fear of his anger. No, she knows him better now than to think he’s angry, besides his voice isn’t harsh or cutting when he says her name. Almost as if just the idea of saying her name in bitterness or reproach would burn his tongue, her name remains soft and warm in his mouth. His eyes aren’t clouded with anger or pain, they glisten in the late afternoon light with the curiousity she has often seen when he tries to disentangle her actions.

“Come here, love,” he says as he opens his arms to her, and she goes willingly. Settling at his side, curled so her legs rest on top of his, she sighs as he presses a gentle kiss to her hairline. “I think,” he begins as he sighs, “I may have inadvertently caused you some insecurity.”

“How?” She doesn’t glance up, instead she grasps his hand that lies on his stomach and begins to play with his fingers. Their coldness helping to ease her growing embarrassment. Bella knew she had insecurities, Edward knew she had them, hell most of the town new everyone else’s insecurities. Yet there is a difference between knowing someone’s insecurities and having them spelled out for you, especially by your lover. Edward sighs above her making her hair move and sending a small shiver down her spine. He chuckles as he hears her heart leap, her face reddens as she realizes she can’t blame the reaction on his coldness - not when it’s ninety-nine degrees outside and the humidity in her room is stifling.

“You seem to be under the impression I love your eyes more than you,” his voice is light but marred with a hint of worry. Of angering her? She doesn’t know, but she just continues to trace the outline of his fingers. “Bella, I love your eyes because they are yours. I’d love them if they were blue, green, grey, yellow,” he laughs a little before gently moving so that their fingers intertwine, “or red. I’m sorry I made you believe your eye color was more important than keeping you forever. Because it’s not Bella, your eyes aren’t what I care about keeping, it’s you.”

She closes her eyes against the onslaught of tears she feels collecting, her nose burning and itching as she fights to keep herself from whimpering. She didn’t know why she felt such relief, she knew Edward loved her and though he was difficult about the transformation she knew he wanted her forever. Yet here she was about to start blubbering because he had just eased a guilt she had unknowingly been carrying around in her chest for a while. The fear of taking away one more thing he loved. She bit her lip as she eased her breaths.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured “it’s silly to be crying I know. But I guess we’re alike that way, you want to give me things and I want to do the same for you. Changing my eye color...it’s so permanent - yes,” she says rolling her eyes as she peers up at him through blurry vision, “so is becoming a vampire but that’s different. I’ll still look like me just...more durable. I can’t make my eyes brown again. It’s just nice to know that even if they won’t be brown, you’ll love them.”

Edward barks out a laugh and she can’t help but feel thoroughly thrown off. Had she said something funny? “No you didn’t love. I’m sorry I’m not laughing at you.” Oh, she had spoken her question out loud, well that saved her having to figure it out on her own. She tilted her head so she could watch his laugh shake his body for a moment longer before he smiled down at her.

“Care to explain what was so funny?” Her eyes were almost completely dry but her nose still burned and her voice wobbled a bit.

“I feel like a right idiot,” he responds as he lets another small laugh take over, “no wonder you haven’t said yes to marrying me! I’m here whining about taking your soul and you’re guilt ridden over harming me with your transformation. Goodness, Alice was right we really should communicate about things more openly. I could’ve saved you so much heartache if I said I love you with and for everything you are,” he grows silent for a moment before adding, “and will be.”

Bella smiles. It’s the first time she has seen him smile at the mention of her impending vampirism and hearing his confirmation makes her shoulders drop as he continues, “how is it we’ve confessed our love for each other so many times yet forgotten the basics of ensuring we help each other through our insecurities? For the love of all that is holy, maybe Rosalie should have given me therapy sessions.” He sighs as he squeezes her hand, “maybe then I could be more forward in showing you that I am excited in having you forever by my side. Maybe if I were human I could feel secure in me being what you want.”

Edward’s smile was only a soft curve of his lips and Bella couldn’t help but feel the honesty of his words. And then it hit her - “That’s your insecurity? That you think you’re not ... enough?” Her eyes searched his, and for once she saw passed the walls he kept up and down into the worry that lined his eyes, the insecurities that made his brow furrow, the way fear locked his jaw in place.

“I wish we were on level ground, Bella. I don’t want you to have to adjust things for me or to be with me. I just want us to be Edward and Bella. You constantly compare yourself to how I look and it kills me to see how dejected you look. To know I’ve praised your human qualities so much you aren’t aware of how much I esteem your humor, your sarcasm, your wit, your inquisitiveness, your compassion, and your love. I’d give anything for you to see that even human me with terrible coordination, probably bad eyesight, and no social skills would want to marry you because I’m that sure I’d want you till my heart stops beating. Perhaps if I were human, you’d realize you’re my dream, too. That I’d change everything if it meant you not having to change for me. That I don’t want you to one day look back on this and hate me for not giving you all you deserve. I want to be enough for you for eternity.”

Her heart had never felt more love, as she stared up in realization that he was every inch the insecure teenager that she was. Her who constantly felt the need to try and appear like she belonged at his side was suddenly realizing he was trying just as hard to appear that he belonged with her. It made her throat tighten at the epiphany that this was what kept them from forever: themselves. He needed to know she would choose him regardless of what universe they met in, no matter in what life they had been born into, in what circumstance. She needed to know he loved her for her not just her human qualities like her heartbeat or blush but her personhood. And she knew just the way to do it. “Would you like to try?”

“Try?” His eyebrows rose in question as Bella’s smile morphed into its widest and giddiest form. He could practically feel her muscles tightening with the sudden spark of an idea her eyes held. He traced her features quickly, this, he thought silently, this is what she could give him forever - her smiles, her expressions, her radiance.

“To be human,” she replied as she scrambled to get off the bed. She began zipping around the room as he lay in the same position they had just been in curled up on his side slightly peering down at where she had lain. “For a day,” she turned after a few minutes, “be human with me. Then you can see I’m happily in love with you no matter what you are or who you are. Let me help ease your fears too. Please?” She walks to his side of the bed and holds out her hand for him to grasp, “Let me show you that you are enough.”

Bella swears the fireworks in her stomach erupted into masses of butterflies as Edward took her hand in his. “How?”

Bella smiles as Edward’s brow pinches in confusion as she proudly states her answer: “Angela.”

[spacetwiga]

leave c!phil out of bullshit 2k21 -- a not so tiny post by a new enthusiast

As someone who finds both common fanon and actual canon to be quite fun, I really think the general DSMP fandom would benefit greatly from a few things in general: the greatest, in my opinion, is learning to accept that popular fanon won’t usually be the canon you receive. Another, of course, is that POVs are golden, but with these two things being flimsy in being accepted, they are the major flaws that cause about 90% of the absolute messy takes that gain traction, oftentimes poisoning a canon character's ability to exist in the story.

My biggest beef regarding this comes from how y’all treat c!Phil, so here I am, being annoying on main side! 

TL;DR... Just because someone acted like like a guidance to others, doesn’t always mean that they'll want to be the father figure role for everyone that breathes. Similarly, pinning down a character on a single trope is wack, so don't be surprised if they grow away from it.

Baby’s first little dsmp rambling below!

(Warning: it's long as hell)

The Dream SMP plotline is not written out like most popular media. With so many moving parts in the form of daily streams and the wonderful tool of live improvisation, it makes perfect sense that such a giant cast would not always be on the same page. Adding onto that, it also makes more sense that a vast majority of the cast will be placed into supporting roles, as the story needs to have characters that serve as narrative anchors and others that function as the links in a chain, all weathering the storm that is the plot.

Screentime, of course, plays a major factor into canon exposure -- in terms of the Dream SMP, POV matters equally, if not more, too. 

It’s a pretty neat way of showing things, but in the end, the fanbase has a lovely (read: godawful /lh) way of analysing characters, particularly when it relates to how they interact with others from their fave character’s POV. The tendency to analyse things from a single character's POV is fine, but not when attempting to critique the greater whole of a conflict. Both sides, no matter how wrong they may seem to be, matter.

Adding onto the fact that everything is live, there are things that will spiral out of control, casual words being skewed and thus having the potential of a single line seemingly contradicting the entire ‘story’ that the fanbase has made. If it directly affects a fave's POV in particular, one is more likely to take offense, as bias immediately bars one from trying to see the other person's side of things.

POV is important. 

Which brings me to c!Phil, and how critics tend to ignore his perspective to prop up another character, or justify the tearing down of another.

Improvisation is both a blessing and a curse; the fanbase, however, loves to test out the latter. With it, the fanbase starts crafting tales to justify it...And so begins the mess that is c!Phil discourse.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is not supposed to be your fave’s fluffy father figure... unless you’re c!Wilbur!!!

😃☝🏾Dadza is good...👉🏾😎👉🏾 But fandom wants the excessive, idealized version.

-- birb 2k21

Family dynamics are generally loved for their potential for comfort, particularly those of a found family nature. Fandom in general tends to lean into them wholeheartedly, with most major bases having at least one prominent group present; SBI, of course, is no different. From fanart to popular fanfiction, it's arguably the biggest group dynamic alongside the Dream Team, and for that, a precedence was set. 

c!Phil, if he ever joined, would fix everything! All of the ‘kids’ would turn to their new mentor and everything would turn out fine! This all knowing, morally just character will chuckle at their antics and wacky hijinks will follow! Fun times, right? /s

The hope for it, however, has long since been shattered, and frankly, good for him!

To go a little ooc, cc!Phil has stated multiple times that, while he was friendly with a lot of the cast as c!Phil, his only paternal link (at least biologically) lies with c!Wilbur. Simple, right? It should be -- there are multiple clips of him saying this -- but fans choose to ignore it in their critiques, generally citing favouritism or downright neglect for the character’s flaws. From 'favoring' Techno (who, in canon, holds the highest link in friendship outside of c!Wilbur's familal link) to 'neglecting' to visit Tommy (who he barely knew, and also assumed, like many others, that he was fine), these critiques weigh heavily on the scale that judges Phil’s so called father figure trope. 

The story, however, has only leaned into (and persisted with) that for c!Wilbur alone, and adding onto it, there is an established acknowledgement from both ccs. That confirmation should hold the most weight, especially since both Phil and Wilbur seem alright with it. Even so, that familial has yet to be explored much for both characters, particularly regarding c!Phil, who has his debut (at least narratively) in a scene that feels opposite to the classic fatherly role.

c!Wilbur denounced accepting that helping hand to fall entirely into his explosive end, setting a precedence unlike most fatherly types arriving to save their kid. Usually, fandom narrative would love a close save, father and son uniting to heal and build up what was broken, but c!Phil’s entrance inks his story in failure. Angsty, right? We love angst!

And yet, as the story ticks on, the bad takes pile up.

Why? Well, I’l used to think that it is a “funny haha” type thing; a way to grieve for a character that was lost, as Alivebur was genuinely a great character. However, with the plot slowly progressing c!Phil’s story to evolve away from the ‘mentor the kids’ trope , I should have seen a storm on the horizon.

It should have been seen from the moment he stabbed c!Wilbur in the chest, but optimism is one hell of a smokescreen.

Built up fanon, however, is probably the greatest fog to ever exist.

There are lines before the button room confrontation that paint a picture of Wilbur seeking out the approval of his father (who seemed distant, at least from his POV), as well as hints to the SBI dynamic, but with the countless dismissals/retcons from CCs involved, as well as little to no consistent canon acknowledgement of this team dad role...Why base an entire hate piece of c!Phil just because popular fanon isn’t real? 

Why, for the sake of building up a well rounded character, would one place the title of a communal parental figure on a grieving father who has little attachment to the community involved, especially when most of them are too busy delving into their own issues?

Furthermore, why go for Mr. Philza Minecraft: Angel of Death, CEO of KEKW, Functioning Immortal????

It’s madness, luv, and frankly, antis cannot let c!Phil process any of his grief (or flesh out his character) without his contributions being fatherly. His role has been idealized to the point where he is not a character on his own, but an accessory to the happiness of other characters. That is not how the world works, and in a conflict riddled server like the dsmp, arguing that it should be like that is counterproductive.

c!Phil had his own shit to deal with, and as he slowly uncovers how fucked up the server actually was, he merely adapts to it. He learns to play the game by his own rules, and people become mad that he’s succeeding in his own way. It's as simple as that, particularly when referencing his initial exposure to the world he now inhabits.

c!Phil is a man who used to hear of his son’s success from the letters he received, words spinning tales of won revolutions and newfound friendships. To a father, those letters are more than enough to assume that all is well, and with it, he had no reason to check on his son, who was already old enough to be carving his path alone. For him to arrive and see just how broken his son actually was, and then, in front of faces he only vaguely knows, kill said son... There's a lot to take in.

He shouldn't have had to care about L'Manberg in those moments, not when he had his son in his arms, dead by his own goddamn weapon; his son who, to his knowledge, was doing pretty well up until he caught wind of his plot. Yet, he does.

He gives them the benefIt of the doubt, even ignoring the one person he has shown to have deep history with (c!Techno) to assist the nation in defeating the withers and rebuilding what was lost.

c!Phil stays in a nation that has seemingly brought his son right into his demise, holding in that grief to help people who he assumes have the chance to rebuild, to reform. For a moment, he trusts that the system can turn into something positive, offering to hunker down and do what he can to help. That’s the start of a fatherly type role for most -- with many expectations rising from fans to ‘fix’ all these traumatized characters.

In another plot, perhaps critics could have gotten the tropes they want from c!Phil, but to blame the character for reacting negatively to a world he barely knew, right after seeing it ruin his son and target a friend...Maybe the need for a "father figure" only stems from making their faves happy.

Characters that don't directly support your fave are not inherently awful characters. Critique based on that alone is...flimsy, really, but honestly, you can use to to show how they process things.

Which brings me to the events leading up to Doomsday, and with it, the steady rise of c!Phil’s defining traits.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is one of the most loyal members on the server, but loyalty doesn’t mean he's blindly following along!

😃☝🏾Butcher Army take this L👉🏾😎👉🏾 Found it in the L’Mancrater

-- birb 2k21

The butcher army arc, while nestled among the mainline story of Tommy’s exile (which I will not even mention, because those dadza takes about visiting may deserve a post on their own), allows for c!Phil to see into the minds of those who had once been with (or even against) his son’s plans. Sure, he may be witnessing them after the eve of their newfound traumas, but this is an important observation to make when comparing how easy it was to denounce his affiliation to them and side with c!Technoblade.

Unlike the new Administration, slowly dipping deeper and deeper into their own form of power hunger, c!Technoblade’s base desires had never wavered. His trust in others, however, had, still nursing the sting of a betrayal, but with no conflict in sight. He is reforming, finding comfort in his solitude, and still maintaining contact with those he trusts.

Techno's Compass, for one, is a major example of their mutual trust. Despite being on opposing territories, they are civil enough to trust each other, just like old friends.

Thus, when you take two old friends who are more than used to conflict -- one grieving and one betrayed, but both seeking neutrality -- it shouldn’t have surprised the antis that c!Phil would place c!Techno’s whereabouts (and life, mind you) over some government he barely knew. 

And yet, above all else, c!Phil starts off as a neutral party for everyone's sake, forgoing potential conquest for peace.

To c!Phil and c!Techno, it’s like fighting back to back, knowing that one can always trust the other to fend off those just waiting to take advantage of your blindspot, while also quelling the need to imagine your partner turning around and doing the same. That sort of friendship is forged through many, many hardships.

They betray what little trust he had built in them. That’s on them.

c!Phil is aware how untrusting c!Techno is, and while c!Techno feels safe enough to give his all for c!Phil, he never exploits it to get ahead, which is something L'Manbergians felt okay with doing.

They take a book out of the playbook used on c!Techno, for c!Techno.

They went after yet another person who was close to him, using their power and influence to hold an execution under the guise of seeking justice. If c!Wilbur, at least pre-corruption arc, sent letters to his father, one would at least expect some of his old ideals of freedom and fairness to leak through into his friends, right? To see those c!Phil assumed would hold similar ideals immediately skew towards a darker, brutal side, particularly in threatening others to get what they wanted...Well, shit hit the fan.

c!Phil does not have that strong relationship with any former L’Manbergians, and despite there being potential for such, it didn't work out that way; instead, however, those characters manage to mistake his kindness for weakness. They take his preferred neutrality as a way to exploit him, to gain in such a way that he lost agency...

No more Mister Nice Dadza, and honestly, he’s justified in that notion.

They’ve lost his trust, time too short to have gained that strong link like c!Techno’s or c!Wilbur’s, and with it, came the inevitable association with Doomsday.

c!Phil knew c!Techno’s intentions from the beginning -- which had only wavered into dormancy because he had grown tired of fighting, understanding that the cycle he wishes to break is not worth his efforts -- so the agreement in participating is effortless. 

c!Dream was there too, of course, but in their mutual quest for eradication, it’s made canon that c!Techno and c!Phil hid away most of their arsenal, despite seeming overprepared. They have no loyalty to c!Dream; they’re smart enough to play along, however. He was a means to an end.

There’s no lies present in their relationship; c!Phil needed someone who didn’t try and pull wool over his eyes, and c!Techno let him see.

c!Techno needed someone who wouldn't stab him in the back, and c!Phil stayed true as his hidden sword.

Which is why, as the two joined forces, ideals aligning and power synergized, they didn’t think twice about nuking the nation to bedrock. Mutually agreeing that the system needs to die, they did what they could, and they succeeded.

How cool of them, tbh LMAO.

New L’Manberg tugged too hard at the sleeping tiger’s tail; they shouldn’t have expected it to roll over.

Their openness to each other was known.

There was no need for underhanded plays, for hidden betrayals, for undisclosed words.

Their loyalties were strong.

They were in sync.

In conclusion (maybe, maybe not...this shit is long holy heck)

😃☝🏾 I may hate this analysis in 30 minutes👉🏾😎👉🏾 Or I may make a part 2. Fuck it!

-- birb 2k21

And that’s what makes c!Phil an interesting character: He tends to be critiqued in reference to chatacters who have very well wronged him, have no affiliation to him or get associated to him through popular fanon. There's a lot to cover that I haven't (from Ghostbur to the whole Tommy 'dilemna') but overall I'm digging what I have now and if I ever get more energy, I'll continue!

c!Phil enthusiasts, I hope I did you proud LMAO. It's my first forray into this side of tumblr 👉🏾👈🏾 I'm a lurker.

c!Phil antis, you can either act respectful or go argue with a wall. I got experience dealing with antis on Tumblr; I am immune to BS.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. Signing off!

- BIRB.

[farfromsugafanfic]

Sutures - Chapter Seven: Knotted

Genre: Soulmates AU, Idiots to Lovers, slight Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Yoongi/Named Reader

Warnings (chapter specific): eavesdropping, angst, Yoongi kinda being a dick but not too bad lol

Synopsis: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” –Jean de la Fontaine

There was only one thing you and Min Yoongi had in common that night. You were both brokenhearted. You only intended to be together for one night, but when you both end up in the hospital the next day you discover that you are soulmates. It could kill you to be apart. As you and Yoongi attempt to sever the bond between you, will another be formed?

Previous | Series Masterlist | Next

The warm water ran down your skin and onto the tiled floor of the shower. It was odd having a shower where you could stretch your arms out wide in, you were used to small showers that barely allowed you to shave your legs without hitting your head. But, the shower at the dorm was huge and you couldn't help, but stay in for much longer than was needed, allowing the water to massage your shoulders. 

After finding out that all of South Korea (and probably beyond) knew your name and thought you cheated on Minki, you'd curled up on the seat of the car. If you hadn't let Eunji drag you to the bar that night, none of this ever would've happened. You never would've met Yoongi. 

Your heart pained when the thought crossed your mind. Never meeting Yoongi. Despite the fact, he seemed to be more trouble than he was worth, there was part of your heart that didn't want to let go of him. And, it was the part you knew you needed to suppress. 

You heard a soft knock on the door, barely audible over the sound of the water. You knew it was him before he even spoke, you weren't sure if it was due to the soulmates thing or if your heart truly was betraying you because as soon as you heard his voice, all the stress you held in your chest released. 

"Sumi? Is it all right if I come in?"

"Yeah," you said. You weren't overly worried about Yoongi catching sight of your naked body. There was enough steam on the shower doors to disguise you, and it wasn't like he hadn't seen it before. 

"We can do my--uh--date once you get out," he said. "It's nothing much, but I hope it's okay. I brought you some clothes."

"Thanks." 

"Do you prefer coffee or tea?"

"Tea." 

"Okay, when you're done just come to my studio. I've left you a note with the code." 

---

You finished a few minutes later wrapping your hair up in a towel. You glanced down at the clothes he'd left for you, smiling when recognized them as pajamas with Shooky, his BT21 character on them. You smiled. 

You changed and braided your hair so that it would stay out of the way and would be easy to tend to the next morning before the flight to Japan. After washing your face, you reached into the pocket of the pajamas and pulled out the sticky note with the code to Yoongi's studio. 

Despite having been in his studio before, it felt odd entering the code yourself. You held your finger gingerly above the keypad and entered each number slowly, scared that if you messed up the code an alarm would go off. 

4...6...5...5...9...click!

The lock released and you heaved open the door surprised that it was so heavy. When you walked in, you found blankets on the couch and a laptop perched on the desk a couple feet from the desk. You smiled and sat down on the couch, crossing your legs, and pulling a blanket over yourself. 

Despite having been in the studio before, it seemed dirtier than before. Papers were scattered across his desk and a few coffee cups that escaped the trash. Ever since you had come together, it was obvious he wasn't getting as much work done, and that that was frustrating him. 

You also noticed the three framed photos near his main computer. One of him and the other members all wearing leis and posing in what you assumed as a Hawaiian airport. The other was of you presumed his family; his parents and what looked like an older brother. Yoongi was still a teenager in the picture and you couldn't help, but smile at how awkwardly adorable he looked with hair that stuck up and a face that wasn't quite adult yet. The third photo was that of a brown poodle puppy. 

You glanced down at the desk and noticed a photo peeking out from underneath a handful of papers. You pushed it aside and gasped when you saw that it was actually a print off of an email with a photo attachment. A photo of you and Yoongi from the alleyway. His arms around you and his mask down beneath his chin. From the angle, it looked as if he were kissing your forehead and you sighed, knowing Yoongi would probably not do such a thing in public, even if your relationship was completely real and straightforward. 

You noticed the email address came from the presumed photographer and your chest tied in knots as you hoped that meant Yoongi was trying to prevent the photo from being released. You heard the code being punched in and quickly shuffled the email back under papers and picked up the picture of Yoongi and his family and pretended to study it intensely. 

"Hey," he said, holding two mugs, making you curious as to how he opened the door in the first place. His eyes widened slightly when he saw you holding the framed photo. 

"Sorry," you said, placing the photo back on his desk. "Your family looks nice." 

Yoongi smiled. "They really want to meet you," he said. He handed you the hot mug of tea. "I didn't want to pressure you, especially since we're trying to sever this." 

"My parents have been the same," you said. "They're so happy about this whole soulmate thing. They didn't even care that you were an idol." 

"My parents were happy you were normal." 

You laughed. "Are we watching a movie?"

"Yeah," Yoongi said. "I have a couple things to finish up first if you don't mind. You can pick something while you wait, it should only be a few minutes." 

You nodded and started scrolling through Netflix on his laptop. You scrolled through the various offerings, unsure of Yoongi's preferences. Would it be inappropriate to watch something romance heavy? Would it make him uncomfortable? 

Yoongi seemed like the type of guy to like a classic gangster movie, but that wasn't something you were into. Although, you were fairly certain neither of you were huge fans of horror.

You eventually settled on a movie somewhere in the middle with a smattering of everything. A little action and a little romance, but not so unbearably cheesy that you wouldn't enjoy it. 

When you glanced up at Yoongi, he was seated at his desktop with headphones perched atop his gray hair. His head bounced slowly to a beat you couldn't hear and you could see bits of sounds and recordings that he was arranging on his screen. 

You took a sip of your tea and waited.

---

"Thanks for meeting up with me on such short notice," you said, adjusting the laptop screen so that there wasn't a glare on your face. "My schedule changed and I'm going to be out of the city for the next week." 

"It's not a problem," Jinwoo said, smiling, a pen in his hand and just the corner of his notebook visible. "If you don't mind me asking, where are you going?" 

"Japan," you said, not thinking much of your answer.

"Oh wait," Jinwoo said. "Jang Sumi? I think I saw you on a magazine cover? With Min Yoongi?" 

"Oh, uh, yeah," you said. "That's me." 

"So, you're his soulmate? How does that work?" 

"I don't really want to talk about this right now," you said. "Unless you can do it in English." You tried to lighten the mood, tried to make it sound like the fact your client knew what was happening in your personal life didn't make a rock sink low in your stomach.

Jinwoo laughed. "It's okay, I understand. I imagine it's hard having to uproot your life just because of your biological soulmate or whatever." 

You smiled, his flippant tone catching you off guard. "It would really help if he wasn't so busy. I can't blame the guy, he has a fantastic career, but it's hard on me." 

"You're still wearing his pajamas though."

"What?" 

"Shooky," he said. "Suga created that character." 

"Oh," you said. "He just gave them to me. Maybe he had an extra pair or something." 

"Or, he likes you more than he lets on."

"He really doesn't. We were supposed to have a date tonight, but he just kept working and forgot about it." Your lips tightened when you finished the sentence. You'd only talked to Jinwoo once before and your heart pounded as you realized what you'd just said. "Uh, sorry, you're just easy to talk to." 

"It's all right," he said. "I like to think we're friends, so it's okay."

---

Yoongi realized you were gone after almost two hours. He took off his headphones and glanced down at his watch and cursed. 

If it weren't for the crumpled blankets on the couch, he'd never know you'd ever been there. He knew he'd let you down, it was a simple movie, two hours at the most. He couldn't even spare two hours for you?

He exited his studio and headed down the hallway towards your room. He could hear your laugh, which made him smile. Thankful the hallway was abandoned, lest his smile due to your presence be discovered, he pressed his shoulder against your door frame. Your door was cracked and he could see you seated at your desk. He raised his hand to knock lightly on your door when he caught a look at your computer screen. 

It was another boy. He was young and Yoongi didn't like the way his eyes seemed to devour you, even through the screen. 

"He just gave them to me. Maybe he had an extra pair or something." You looked down at the pajamas you had on and ran your thumb over the collar.

He couldn't hear the boy's response, but your eyes widened and your shoulders tensed. 

"He really doesn't. We were supposed to have a date tonight, but he just kept working and forgot about it." Yoongi balled his fists. You were being reckless. It was obvious that you were uncomfortable with all the media attention, but you were doing nothing to help yourself. "Uh, sorry, you're just easy to talk to."  

Yoongi left your doorway and rambled back down the hallway.

---

"Hey Jiminie, can you pass me the other end?" 

Jimin sat on the opposite of the couch in the living room. He was in the middle of slurping up noodles, but quickly put down his bowl and chopsticks to hand you the end of the scarf. 

"Jiminie? I'm older than you, right?"

"Oh, I guess you are," you said. "But, you're so cute, it's easy to forget. You don't mind, do you?" A smirk broke out on your lips. 

"No, I like it actually." 

Jimin had just picked up his bowl of ramen when Yoongi came into the room. You could practically feel the anger rolling off him in waves. 

"Sumi," he said. "We need to talk?"

You looked up at him, your eyes large and confused. "About what?" 

Jimin had taken an interest, obviously noticing the older boy's anger. He sat down his ramen and scooted closer to you. "Yoongi, what's wrong?"

Jimin's question only annoyed him more. His body stiffened and his eyes looked nearly black. 

"What's wrong? She's so worried about her image and all the publicity, but yet is telling one of her clients all about us."

"Were you spying on me?"

"I came looking for you after--"

You looked up at him, your arms crossed. "I never would've left if--"

"That's not the point!" Yoongi's voice raised slightly. Although, he wasn't yelling. He didn't seem like to yell when he got angry, rather he sizzled in the heat until he popped like a popcorn kernel. "You can't just tell someone like him! You have no idea who this guy is! What if he goes to the press? We'd have another Minki on our hands! Are you stupid?"

Tears pricked at your vision and you felt Jimin's hand on your wrist, but it left as soon as you moved to rub your eyes. 

"Yoongi, calm down. She's not used to all this. She just made a mistake." 

"I didn't go on that date to watch you work, Yoongi. I'm sorry if I got frustrated and vented to someone who listened. But, this never would've happened if you would've just watched the movie. We were supposed to get to know each other." 

"I guess you know who I am now." 

---

"I'm sorry, Sumi," Jimin said, following you into your room and plopping beside you on your bed. "Yoongi sometimes gets like this. I promise he'll get over it in a couple days." 

"I really don't want to go to Japan, Jimin. I don't want to be around him." Your face fell into your hands. "But, I have to." 

"Shh, Sumi. It'll be okay. Just try to get some sleep. I'll stay with you if you want." 

You shook your head. "No," you said. "Thank you though. It just doesn't feel right." 

He nodded, seeming to understand and left you alone. 

You laid down and pulled the covers to your chin. You hated to turn Jimin away. The last thing you wanted was to be alone, but ever since that night with Yoongi, only his arms made you feel safe. 

You silently cursed and pulled Kitty to your chest.

---

Jimin shut your door quietly and shook his head. He hated to see you and Yoongi fight. From the day he met you, he could tell there something odd about your dynamic. The quiet understanding of each other, but yet the fierce opposition.

He passed by Yoongi's studio, the light on. Jimin knew Yoongi would probably spend the rest of the night there, not wanting to step foot in the hallway due to the fear of facing you again. 

Jimin smiled as he remembered your ragged stuffed cat. He'd done just as you had asked and placed Kitty in the donation pile. It was only later when making another trek into the living room to place more into boxes that he noticed Yoongi slipping the stuffed cat into his bag. 

He hadn't said anything then, but the morning you asked him if he was the one who'd saved the hapless creature, he couldn't help but sneak a glance at the true savior who hid his smile behind sips of morning coffee.