#i can already feel the pain of future me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cye-wiz · 9 months

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i need a t-shirt that says "i survived the darkmoor dungeon and all i got was this shirt"

i am not excited to farm this

#wizard101 #wiz101 #wizzy fandom #storm wizard #i am no longer terrified of it #i can already feel the pain of future me #this is going to be as bad as blood moss farming i just know it

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caffeinatedopossum · 6 months

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I'm still grieving the dreams I lost due to my disability and I just added another one

#ones id already lost: wanting to hold any job at all. wanting to be a doctor. wanting to be a gymnast. wanting to play bass #wanting to be a therapist (maybe still possible? this is due to my inability to hold any job but im still hopeful i may be able to do this)#i wanted to go to school... i can still learn things of course but its harder and there's no community #i wanted to learn everything. everything about plants and animals and quantum mechanics and languages #everything about history and culture and sciences. but i can't. i mean that was never a realistic goal of course #but I cant get as close to it now as i wouldve if i was healthy #the one i recently added is discovering my fingers have deteriorated so much that playing keyboard is nearly impossible #thats been a lifelong dream of mine... even drawing hurts unless i draw with my finger. i cant hold a pencil without pain #like im figuring things out. working through accommodations and making new goals #but that grief is still there and the wound is still fresh and sometimes it just feels like its growing and it will never stop #i need too much that i cant have. I have so few options #i really dont know what kind of future there is for me if my pain and disability is already this bad in my 20s

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sonknuxadow · 2 months

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I believe that IF Silver IS a descendent of Sonic/Shadow/Amy/anyone else, he's a descendent via adoption because the only Sonic character that I accept having kids is Vanilla.

honestly part of the reason im not a fan of the ideas of silver being a descendant of other characters we already know is because i just dont see why its necessary for them to be related ..? idk i just dont think anything that could be gained from him being shadows kid or sonics descendant or whatever is worth losing part of whats already compelling about silver and also making things super confusing. plus none of the pairings of already existing characters people have suggested as silvers bio parents make any sense, usually because its impossible from a timeline perspective but also because theyre always picking characters who would NOT have kids either in general or with the specific people theyre being paired with

#i also just kinda have a hard time imagining most sonic characters who arent already parents (so. most of them) wanting to be parents #it just does not feel right to me #i guess part of it could be an age thing . being a parent is an Adult thing and most sonic characters are not adults #so imagining them doings things that only adults do by in universe standards just feels strange and foreign to me #even though these scenarios would obviously take place a couple decades into the future #but also even when specifically thinking about it through the lens of ''would this character want to be a parent when theyre older''#the answer is usually no or idk #because there are a lot of characters where it just doesnt feel like it fits them?#sonic and rouge are a couple characters i can name off the top of my head who i know for sure would not have kids.#shadow im not so sure about either. yet he is the most common choice for silvers bio parent. pain #thing about shadow and silver is i think a timeline where shadow is actually around to meet little silver and is like #a mentor/older brother/guardian figure of sorts does kinda have potential to be interesting but i dont really want that to be made canon #but shadow straight up being his dad? idk man. not really into that. shadow being his biological dad? ABSOLUTELY not into that .#people having the present version of shadow whos a teenager barely older than silver being a dad to him?? weird as hell. no #asks #also part of what bugs me about the shadow as silvers dad stuff is people pretending its anything more than a baseless headcanon #like im not saying all headcanons have to have proof behind them but people act like the shadow as silvers dad thing #is an actual plausible theory that could be true and has tons of evidence? when it really doesnt ??#i feel the need to specify that im not trying to police what people do or aynthing just sharing my opinions

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goldensunset · 4 months

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as an underclassman early morning classes and boring classes were what i detested and feared most of all. now it’s difficult classes and evening classes. my evening class last semester actively made me want to become the joker with how disruptive it was to my schedule. i sure would have never wanted to switch into a 9am yawnnnn history lecture class but at this point that sounds like a dream compared to all the tons of active work outside of class with every single professor trying to scare us to death on the first day. i would rather wake up early every day than suffer the hell that i’m currently slated for. last semester brutalized me so badly it’s not even funny i can’t do the same workload again yet worse i need a relative mental break. i do not have that dog in me. i will be going to my advisor screaming and crying tomorrow asking her to make some changes

#like i will take almost anything i can get into at this point #if it fits into my schedule contributes to my actual credit requirements and does not actively make me upset #sounds perfect #and like i am a night owl. it is known i am a night owl #but i can suffer the pain of waking up early for the greater good #i cannot suffer the pain of multiple classes at once in which the professor acts like we don’t have other work to do #like genuinely the workload hasn’t even started yet this semester we’ve had one day of each class so far #and i am like already in absolute dread and depression. just from how they’re making me feel right off the bat #i need out #i need to fix this i thought it would be ok back in november but i don’t know if the pain of last semester really sunk in until afterwards #during winter break i was like oh yay break :]#now that i’m back at school i’m like Huh. so there’s something i never actually recovered from i guess #like now that i’m here i’m like you’re telling me .. i have to do it again. even worse.#and like i was off for 3.5 weeks. but now i understand no amount of time would have ever been enough to prepare me for this #i don’t care if it means i have more work later i’m ahead on credits #this course i wanna drop isn’t strictly required anyway so like.#why kill myself. especially now of all times #sounds like a problem for a future me who isn’t having a mental episode #peach rambles

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m00ngbin · 5 months

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Uh warning this whole thing is me complaining about my bones and pain and stuff so if you're sick of hearing about that you should probably ignore this

Whatever's wrong with my knee spread to my hip so I think that maybe I WILL be needing a cane or something soon and it's not just a joke I was making cause I had to keep sitting down in random places

Joke might be the wrong word because it wasn't really a joke and it wasn't funny, I was just trying to be lighthearted and it didn't seem like it was really happening or that it was probable

#sorry if we're ever in a public place and i suddenly make us stop so i can sit down for a few seconds #its not because im lazy or im trying to be annoying i swear #something ive been thinking about is disability #i don't think im disabled because i can still get around and do things but sometimes it is a little difficult and im worried that #in the future I'll have a really hard time walking without pain and ill have to depend on someone more than i already do #im already going to need to live with someone for the rest of my life anyway because of mental health stuff and i really dont want to have #to give up what freedom i have left #i read somewhere that disability forces you to rely on people and it takes away your independence and totally overhauls your life #and that disability really destroys your walls surrounding asking others for help/support #being independent and being self sufficient #i pride myself on my independence and self sufficiency and seeing that slowly start trickling away while theres nothing i can do about it #and nobody knows what to do to stop it is really painful #maybe it wont get so bad that ill be fully reliant but the possibility is there and not knowing is really scary #my choice and my autonomy are being ripped away and it not a person thats doing it its my own body #im not in control of my own body anymore #maybe im being dramatic but it really doesnt feel like it #because i am slowly watching my joints get worse and i am completely helpless. i cant do anything. im watching whatever this is spread and #not a single person can tell me what it is or why its happening

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pepprs · 1 year

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anyways. i hit tag limit and now im going to go to bed late bc i have to clean the whole kitchen. but the last 48 hours have just been so emotionally intense and exhausting and painful. i relived july 5-29 2022 in 48 hours. and it was better than that ofc bc i wasn’t uhmmmm shut down and unable to express my feelings 😍😍😍😍😍😍 but it was still horrible and the worst is over but im still in so much emotional / mental pain rn and it’s gonna take a while to recover from that and i don’t have the emotional resources i need to do so obviously. yayyyyy 🥳

#purrs #delete later #the MMMMMORTIFYING. MORTIFYING. ordeal. of romy leaving the way she did. and never being able to recover from that so the wound has festered #only for someone else i love and cherish and depend on to leave. LIKE IFS INSANE TO ME. it is so crazymaking. i can’t withstand the pain of #it. but OF COURSE i can like they’re not d*ad or anything god forbid a million times they’re just moving on. but im just taking it so hard.#in ways that are so… unhealthy and abnormal and hard to carry and hard to live through. and again living in fear that it will happen one #more time and i’ll be truly alone then. but then it’s like silly tess pepprs you already WERE alone! because nobody can meet the four needs #except for you… or like a significant other if you could get around your psychic block 🥰 but yeah. i am not functioning well and i #don’t know how to get the relief and healing i need because it’s a process etc etc. i just wish this wasn’t happening. i feel so wounded and #bruised and horrible rn. like my heart physically hurts… ermmmmm 😳‼️#also im namedropping at this point idec. i feel bad about it and i shouldn’t but imgonna give myself and my future self this one today LOL

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true-blue-sonic · 11 months

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The reason I’m wondering about Shadow’s ageing over 200 years time is because I am rotating the idea of a Silver fangame inside my mind like a microwave, and even though I will probably never possess the skills or time needed to make such a thing a reality I’m writing all my ideas down all the same. It would be neat for Silver to come across Shadow and maybe also Omega in the future, I think!

#for me personally I do think Shadow's personality has changed: namely that he has become even more quiet over time #he's already not very chatty but I cannot imagine losing most of his friends helped much with his wellbeing #and what's even more messed-up is that Silver does not experience that 200-year timespan between eras #he hops right between Shadow From The Past and Shadow From The Future and they are so different and I feel like he would understand #but what can he do to help?#it's simply an impossibly painful situation Shadow is trapped in #and it must be a gut punch for Silver too to know that in his era his friends are gone except Shadow #who looks like he stepped right out of Sonic's era with no changes to him in body and only in mind #a really intriguing scenario for sure but definitely a saddening one!

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jeezypetes · 1 year

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Ahhhh the job I thought i didn’t get bc they never got back to me after my interview (which I thought went really well) just reached out to me bc apparently the person they tried to hire backed out.,.. and now its gonna be like another month of wondering if I’m gonna have to decide if I want to move to another state where I don’t know anyone. And i was kind of relieved when i never heard back bc I’m really happy here with my family and gf and friends but the fact is my job here is a contract with very slim hopes of developing into a real job with benefits and i live with my parents bc i love them and our house and our town but i know i have to seriously consider this opportunity bc it would be a good career move and i want to live a rich and interesting life. But I don’t want to talk about it with anyone irl because my dad has covid which has been my number 1 fear since the start of the pandemic (he’s 71 and immunocompromised but he’s doing well and not needed the hospital) and I just want to be able to only worry about that I can’t even talk about the job thing which i drove myself and everyone around me crazy with already back in October. Which is why I’m just posting it vjfdhk I’m being tormented by forces beyond my control i feel like this is the sort of thing it would be really helpful to believe in God about

#like people who say He has a plan which i guess is comforting but his plans are so inscrutable they may as well be random. but some people #think he wants the best for us??? which seems so unlikely to me I can’t even try to believe it #anyways i think my dad willbe fine but I’m worried about long term health issues which would make it really really hard to move away bc my #mom is already basically disabled. and i want the house I want it so bad but I can’t afford to buy it from them bc our neighborhood has #gotten sooo much more expensive then it was when they moved here in the 80s and i know they’re planning on selling it to fund their #retirement. but i love it here so much I want to live here forever and die here but its not realistic and maybe it would be easier if i #moved away and put down roots somewhere else and then it will be less painful when they sell the house and less painful when they die #i just want things ro stay likethis forever I’ve #spent so much time these past few years walking around this neighborhood its like the veins in my arms i can live other places i have for #years but they never get this deep im so scared for the futuy #future but there’s absolutely nothing i can do to stop it. except kill myself i guess but it’s #not nearly at that point yet ckgdf it would make a lot of people very upset. it is sort of comforting to remember though i have that option.#god i hope they don’t offer me the job I’m a wreck just thinking about it #i really haven’t made any special efforts to reach out to them or anything. obv I wasn’t their first choice i have no idea if I’m their #second. i think they really liked me but I’m guessing im younger and less experienced than other candidates #hi if ur reading this btw its me a stranger on the internet and you know something my closest friends and family don’t know. congrats #I’ll talk to someone in a few days when my dad is feeling better. really hope my mom doesn’t get sick too she’s been coughing a bit but #testing negative. idc if i get covid i actually hope i get it bc that will prove I didn’t give it to my dad asymptotically #that’s not a secret i toldmy mom she was like jesus Christ don’t think like that

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milo-is-rambling · 1 year

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Chronic pain really got me going to bed before it’s even dark out (also my little pink unicorn lights Millie got me look so cool in the second pic)

#my back and shoulder are killing me and I’ve done nothing but smoke weed and stretch and I just hurt so bad #so I’m gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better tomorrow #I work at nine again tomorrow so if anything hopefully going to bed early helps that #I’m excited to sleep hopefully a lot and hopefully really well bc 1) weed. 2) took sleepy cough meds to try and mooch extra pain reliever #out of meds in my cabinet. 3) took a back and muscle pain Aleve (even tho I hate taking pills and it took me like three whole min to get it #down my fucking throat. 4) tired from actually using my brain and anxiety from work tired #5) period tired and chronic pain tired #like guys my brain and my body are both exhausted and the idea of getting up tomorrow and doing any of it again makes me miserable and I did #nothing but sit at a computer for three and a half hours that’s itttttt #like doing two week road-trip then non stop either emotional or physical shit every day until my first day at work #like I’m already setting myself up for this to be the summer of the grind #gonna make a bunch of money (and spend too much and blame it on the summer time and needing a little treat every time I venture out into the #heat or work a day or do anything at all) and then save a bunch all fall winter spring and once it gets colder and I feel like I can handle #my job more I want to focus on how to make moving out happen. like I need to figure out if maybe there’s somewhere I want to live that has #an Office Depot I could transfer to cause office depots are everywhere and maybe that’s an added way for me to figure out where I want to #move #hmmm okay I’m gonna lay in bed on google maps looking at Office Depot locations in New England and I’m just gonna daydream and try to fall #asleep and I’ll look at / add to my Pinterest board of house and apartment inspo #going to think about the future because I want to live !!!!#anyways yeah this is the summer of being miserable and spending all my money on bullshit and daydreaming and disappointing my mother #and also the summer of my weed tolerance doubling forever until I’m back to smoking constantly to the point where I’m making myself sick and #then I’ll get sick of smoking weed for a bit and that’ll lead me into saving money again #or force me into a tolerance break where I stop buying weed #either way I’m going to smoke all summer it’s gonna be weed and sweat and fresh fruit and laying in my room during all of my days off and it #it’s gonna suck and I’m gonna be thinking about my dad the whole time and it’ll be depressing and isolating and lonely and I’ll come out of #the summer recentered and motivated towards big goals again like I always am #and then I’ll crash and burn next spring as always. cycles continue forever thank u seasonal depression.#I want to grow up and mature in the ways I deal with myself my health and advocating for my mental health I feel like I need to grow up a #bit so I hope I do that and it feels good. I hope I make friends and I can daydream about the future every night and my room will smell like #weed and incense and sweat and love and tears and it will be incredible

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starpros-sunshine · 1 year

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i also do this dont even worrya bout it

Sometimes all a person needs is to sit in a tight space for a bit and I think that's beautiful<3

#getting up is gonna be such a pain though I can already feel my spine starting to hurt #but eh whatever thats something for future me to deal with #it's so comfy though and for what #robin🍬

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713-4th-ward-g · 2 years

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#sigh #i don't think im ever going to get over losing two close friends...#i can't believe im going through this again..#Edward if only you were alive and not me.. you would have accomplished so much more than i have in these 17 years since you died #i still can't believe i lost my best friend at 10 years old and now i lost two close close friends again...#so much of me just wants to quit.. i have done nothing to build a future with and i know im not close to anyone #everyone of my friends have closer friends... im just here I'm only living for my parents right now #i can't fathom the pain they'll be in I already attempted before and failed and they have no clue of it that was in 2018...#and now its 2022 an ive lost such great friends again i wish i had the bravery to try again but i can't stop seeing my moms face man fuck #im such a failure of a son of a student and as a friend... i dont deserve to have good things...#I've been stuck like this for years this is all my doing and now im turning 27 and im still not doing anything with my life #i don't think i can take this much longer #i really feel my thoughts getting the better of me and im afraid of what ima do to myself in the future...#whats wrong with me i used to be such a happy cheerful person with always something quirky to say...#and now im just this lonely slob of nothingness that deserve nothing #im wearing myself out with these negative thoughts... i stopped taking my anti depression pills cause i want control of myself not sum pill #i still feel like yall are still here and we can just chill and smoke again #i wish i could be better and do better.. i just want to matter.. i want to feel seen and not forgotten of..#im just a small note stamp in peoples pages left to be seen peripherally and skipped over i am nothing of use i bring nothing to anyone #i just wish i could die already i wish i could skip to my future death and leave this all behind.. i don't want to die before my parents..#i can't bear to have my mom cry over me.. i was never good at anything other than being sad and lonely.. whats wrong with me #i just want to be loved to feel seen to feel wanted and not something they can just easily dismiss... i dont care about being a priority #i just want to matter and bring something positive to someone im never a good influence.. im such a horrible person...

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impossible-rat-babies · 2 years

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laying in bed thinking about post vault times and. yeah

#owen plays ffxiv #I’m just. yup #oof I gotta think back and wonder like. how much eyrie didn’t sleep after that #I’m just. hmm about the narrative of shoving grief down to look towards something brighter #a future the deceased would want someone to see #and just. i dunno where is the chance for the crash before the rise #you can only rise so high before the fall is fatal #oh look at that metaphor huh #but yeah. eyrie having this facade of grief when attending to things and just in the privacy of everything #just. breaking down into a heap #I think about eyrie still crying over redacted. the smile until they couldn’t hold it any longer and just the grief and loss swallowed them #and also aymeric holding them and trying his best to soothe them #and the realization of how just. eyrie is so heroic but they’re human too and they feel that pain #i love a good trope of people realizing how fragile the hero is #also eyrie was 200 percent going to stay with redacted until he shoved them away #GOD just eyrie and yda both on the edge of the airship just screaming for redacted to come back #eyrie’s already beaten so much—what’s one more thing? what’s one more thing to maybe die from?#me grabbing the narrative by the throat at this point

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gemharvest · 6 months

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mmmmmmmmm this is looking alright so far 👍

#ramblings #I HATE BACKGROUNDS they feel so tedious to do #but unfortunately i need to have this down so i how where will can walk aouhgh #i thiiiiinkk theres only one other shot where i have to get this much in but all of the tables and shit are gonna be far away w #the camera angle i wanna do. so it shouldnt be as much of a pain in the ass lol #i need more work with drawing environments and especially indoor ones + work with perspective #so like. the ones in this pmv probably wont be peak. but thats ok im learning #i think its already goofy with how im doing the catified guys here so yk. as i get more experience with shit #i hope to maybe remake this one day when im confident in animating humans or somethingg #we will see if thats something i can ever do 👍 i know its goofy to plan that when im still working on ``the original``#but yaknow? i wanna do this now but i also would like to see me do it again in the future when i can make it more polished #gotta start somewhere and i must start here and now to get to the later

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natalieironside · 6 months

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So I used to be a pizza deliver driver, and that was pretty great for me; it made me feel like a video game character doing Quests. And when you started your shift as a driver, you got a wad of 15 singles for making change which was deducted from your tips at the end of the night. And this was back in the very early 20teens so $15 American just so happened to also be the price of half a tank of gas and a pack of Marlboro reds, so it was often also a sort of interest-free loan.

Now, a trope in pornography which was once so common that I myself have never actually seen a genuine portrayal of it but only seen it parodied runs thusly: A brave hero is delivering a pizza to some beautiful person who, upon receipt of the pizza, says, "Unfortunately I don't have any money; could I perhaps cover the cost of the pizza with sexual favors?" And always the hero agrees to this Faustian bargain which I'm sure must seem quite reasonable to you uninitiated civilians.

But, see, I'm making minimum wage. I have no savings. And I already spent my bank on half a tank of gas and a pack of Marlboro reds. So I'm $15 in the hole, and do you know what happens when you don't cash out at the end of the night? The manager calls the cops, and the cops come to your house. Mr. Domino is gonna get his $15 back by hook or by crook. I seen it happen. So if I accept the beautiful person's modest proposal, I'm mortgaging future tips against the $15 *and* the price of the pizza--which can get up there, depending on the order--and if I don't fix those books by the end of my shift, that could get to be a real pain in my ass.

Just doesn't make sense, y'know, from like a business perspective. Maybe it'd be worth a gamble. Maybe if it was like a beautiful woman who was a service top and also a werewolf, maybe you roll the dice and hope for the hard 6. But you gotta be risk-aware, is all I'm sayin.

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rubys-domain · 11 months

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i'm a little upset because i spent all day grinding for primos and didn't get a single chong const on either of my accounts. i got a fourth lion fang and the bell of all things. literally why

#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo，ide yo !!#seriously i don't need so many copies of the lion fang #if ur gonna be a 4 star weapon at least be sac frag or smth #now i'm thinking that i should just give up on pulling for consts on main #im probably already at soft pity and i already feel like if i get yoimiya i won't be able to get kazuha at the rate that i'm grinding primo #so i guess my son will have to stay at c2 for... a while... /sigh/#i haven't gotten a single chong const from standard so limited banners like this are my only chance to get chong consts #besides waiting for the next lantern rite #i'm still good to keep pulling on the alt tho #the banner ends in a few days and i highly doubt i'll ruin my pity within that time #at the current rate i'm earning primos anyway #besides kazuha isn't a MUST must pull for the alt right now #i can always get him in a future rerun #and my goal is to be able to solo every single boss with pyro chong #i wonder if i should switch gears and pull on the yae side this time tho #i obviously don't have cyno on the alt and i'm really unsatisfied with the electro characters i do have #but i won't be all that disappointed if i don't get her. just if i do end up with another early 5 star #might as well get a new character #also mona really got me through yae's raiden shogun training. i-frames and all that shit my feeble mind cannot comprehend #i didn't have an alternate sprinter when i did that on main (still dont rip) so it was PAINFUL #mona to dodge attacks，yoimiya to quickly destroy the exploding electro thingies at the end #why is the training so much harder than the actual shogun weekly boss lol

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pepprs · 1 year

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i wish i’d kept pushing the point (<- vagueposting). im so tired i’m hitting a wall. but why is the answer to feeling bottomlessly lonely just to love myself and be loved by myself? isn’t that only more loneliness?

#purrs #i know being by myself is not aloneness. but like seriously are you actually serious that there is no one coming to save me? that I have to #walk around with this giant gaping wound forever and no one will be able yo close it? i need total nurturance and comfort badly and to have #any less than total is.. well i don’t want to say it’s as bad as having none at all because obviously it’s not true. but it’s still bad. it #makes it harder to ask for more when you already have some and have reached the limit of what you can ask for. i just feel bottomlessly #lonely. i know things will get better. but what i really need is a long hug and a good cry in someone’s arms. not isolating myself in a #cabin for a week (though i know i desperately need that too). like we’re human beings and we can do that for each other so why don’t we? why #can’t we fix each other? why can’t we be nurturing like that and fill the voids for people who have them. and i know it’s rich coming from m #me bc iam skittish like a horse around emotions and also that it’s pitifully expected from me bc i am reading too much into normal experien #nces most people have. but how am i supposed to just accept that i didn’t get the love i needed (even if im romanticizing m*therlove lmao) a #and then move on as if that’s fine? how can i just snap my fingers and be an autonomous adult when ive spent years accruing psychological #damage with the most limited kind of cushioning? when every second brings with it a potential jab to my River of Pain nerve? idk.#i was deeply violently depressed abt this stuff earlier this week but tonight im just quietly sad. i want the stability and certainty of #(unconditional) love. i want my whole future safe and warm and now or at least the ability to trust it will exist which is also called hope.#i don’t want to be alone and wretched anymore.

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