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anne-i-write · 3 years

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moriarty the patriot headcannons

| requested by anon: can you write headcanons for moriarty brothers meeting and having dinner with s/o's parents for the first time? and s/o's father is overprotective. thanks 🤍🙆🏻 |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader

word count: 1857

tw: mentions of toxic behavior in albert’s hcs

a/n: IM BACK AND THRIVING BBS!!! it’s so good to be back again to writing!!! hhh i’m so sorry if this is far from what you wanted but i hope you all enjoy it nonetheless!!!! lowkey went off the railings w this one so 👀 also if i missed any tags, please let me know!!!!!

william: 803 words

it had been you and your father since you were younger bc your mom was the “lucky” choice of some noble

but you wouldn’t have it any other way

you two are very close and everyone in the town knows

that, and that you both hate nobles

so it’s no surprise when the moriartys move into town, you’re both less than pleased

you always try your best to avoid them whenever they come into your town and your father always begs his friends to take the nobles as customers, despite the fact it could be good for business

but the town you lived in was particularly small and you did end up bumping into william

literally

some stupid man didn’t see you crossing the road and you were nearly crushed by the carriage if it hadn’t been for the hand that pulled at your wrist

“i swear people these days don’t know how to drive carriages.”

you don’t know who you were expecting

BUT ANYONE BUT A NOBLE

“are you alright?”

“i’m fine thank you—“

you’re absolutely flustered

how did i not know that this was a noble??? he smells so clean!

“i’ve got to be on my way now!” and you left william there with no explanation

but lil did you know he actually knew who you were

or to an extent, you weren’t as sneaky as you’d hoped you’d be

he saw you hiding in corners and alleyways every time you two accidentally made eye contact

and some of the townsfolk actually told him a little about you and your father so he understood why you weren’t too welcoming

but to take great lengths to avoid him??? he is very intrigued

so he starts off small, trying to send you a kind smile before you dart off behind a fruit stall

he really tries his best to get close to you and after a few weeks (and a few persuasive friends), he finally gets to hold a conversation with you

and boy does he fall FAST

it takes a while but you finally reciprocate his feelings and he thinks its smooth sailing from there right???

lmao everyone knows your father is literally the most intimidating looking man that could ever walk the earth

if they didn’t know him personally, they would be afraid of getting curb stomped 🤠

i mean,, he’s a big softie but god forbid anyone even DARES to look at you in a romantic light

you warn william of this and he’s like “don’t worry love, it shouldn’t be too bad”

it is bad

even william has cold hands bc your father is giving him the dirtiest look

dinner isn’t even dinner it’s a grill with how much questions your father is asking him

it does NOT help that he’s a noble

“so,,, you’re a noble”

“your cooking is amazing sir”

your father leaves the table for a little bit and you can hear the quiet sigh of relief from william

“i’m sorry for my father”

“no, no,,, i just,,, your father’s really intimidating, isn’t he?”

you let out a chuckle and william relaxed, a soft smile gracing his lips

“he can be, but it’s just something he does.” you threw a wistful gaze at the door your father disappeared before.

“he’s just worried about you, i can see it. he doesn’t want you around people like me.” you grabbed his hand over the table and he gently squeezed your hand.

“if anything, if he’d give you a chance, he’d want me to be with you. noble or not”

you both continue to have a delightful conversation, your sweet laughs filling the room

however, you didn’t know your father was listening in on your conversation and he couldn’t agree more with william

your mother left with more than just a curt goodbye and unshed tears

she left you with a tear stained letter filled with sorrowful regrets and sincere apologies

he knew you would eventually grow up to be critical of the world and if you were to find out that your mother had left unwillingly, he was afraid that you would be too bitter towards the world

but as he hears your laugh and his worries are dulled down a little

he sees you smiling so happily at william and when he chances a glance at the noble beside you, his worries are completely erased

william’s looking at you the same way everyone swore he looked at your mother

it’s a gentle gaze filled with love and kindness, one that he knew could protect you and take care of you

your father hated nobles and hovered over you when it came to love

but he couldn’t help but hold back on questions when he came back and you instantly noticed that your father took a liking william

louis: 508 words

everyone knew you as “Little Noble” in your town

the sole reason being your father literally treating you like a noble lmao

he gave you the best of everything he could afford and tried his best to not let you do any work

tried

of course, you were a little angel and you HAD to help otherwise you’d cry about making someone else tired when you could’ve easily helped

you’ve carried this trait until your early twenties and there were no signs that you would stop

hence why you were bringing home some fresh fruits from the stall clerk before a man bumps into you

you were so caught off guard that your knee buckled and you fell on your butt

everyone was stunned into silence as you fell but louis was so apologetic

so when he helped you back up, he felt the chilling stares of the town burning into his back

and then you apologize for bumping into him when he was the one who bumped into you and you fell??????

“please, let me make you something! i feel so bad!”

he tries to decline but there was this odd pressure to say yes to you

he ends up going home with you

you’re both in front of the door before your father opens it, his eyes wide

“who is this boy?”

“oh, i didn’t get his name on the way here. what is your name?”

your poor father’s heart is pounding way too fast for his liking

“oh! look at that, thank you so much for bringing my child home! you should be going home now”

he tries to shut the door on louis but you hold it open and beckon louis inside

“i invited him here! i accidentally bumped into him earlier so i offered to make him something!”

louis is so awkward pls

your father reluctantly lets him in but gives him a side eye the whole time he’s in the house

“does your child do this often?”

“why? do you find it strange?”

YOUR FATHER IS SO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PLEASE SAVE LOUIS

anyways, you finish making your treat and give it to louis, your father glaring at your interaction

louis is still a little stiff but the more you talk to him, his guard is let down a little

soon enough he has to leave and you wish him well

he leaves with a wave and a kind smile and you look over at your father who had been scowling since you appeared at the front door

“he is a bit cute, don’t you think father?”

your father sputters, stunned by your bold claim

“y-you’re still too young to think about men like that!”

you laugh and shut the front door, teasing your poor father about finding love while also wondering if you would meet louis again

as you talk with your father behind closed doors, louis smiles to himself as he thinks about the unusual encounter today

surely, if i met them again tomorrow, it would make for a pleasant day

albert: 546 words

he meets your father before he meets you

it was during a ball your parents organized in order to connect with the more prestigious nobles around you

your parents were obsessed with the way your family was viewed and apparently being an earl wasn’t enough

so albert hears about you when your father boasts about how you’re the perfect child who answered to his every beck and call

in all honesty, albert was disgusted

no one deserved to be brought up like that

he casually makes his way into the conversation and your father is seething

“my child is your age, it’s a shame you act like this, i would have thought of you as a prime husband for them”

who is this earl to tell him what to do?

needless to say your father crosses him off of the guest list for the next ball

days go by and your father doesn’t know that you’re currently in town, doing what you can to help the working class as best as you can

it is on one particular day of visiting an orphanage do you run into the eldest moriarty brother

you two exchange polite greetings and you both pause

“your father is the earl, is he not?”

“you are a general of the army, are you not?”

a brief mention of your father and your mood dulls slightly

“yes, but i’m here on my own accord”

he would kill you if he found out you were amongst the “filth” as he called them

“well, i’ve brought books for the children, would you like to help me read some to them?”

he seemed sincere enough to not want anything more from you, so you agreed

he was actually very pleasant to be around and you find yourself enjoying his company

the meetups continued to happen and soon enough, albert finds himself standing in front of the doors to your family estate

your father is not pleased at all

“it’s nice to meet you again, sir”

“i didn’t forget about what you said to me at our first meeting”

and you’re sitting there like,, ????? they’ve met??? and your father doesn’t like albert???????

of course, inviting albert to your home would have repercussions but you didn’t expect your father to be so hostile

he was always hostile towards other nobles unless they were of higher importance than him

but for him to hate albert so quickly and openly??? this was quite new

you had mentioned that your father has always been one for power so it was clear to albert that you obviously grew up in a home that was more,,, toxic than protective

it was at dinner that this behavior reached its peak and albert despised the atmosphere and the way your father treated you

“i’ve come here to ask for your child’s hand in marriage”

your father rejects the idea without any hesitation

“i refuse to have them live the rest of their life in your household when they could do so much better”

when you invited albert that night, you knew there would be repercussions with your father

but what you didn’t expect was that you would leave your father and adopt the moriarty name as your own, the family welcoming you with open arms

moriarty the patriot taglist: @zoehanji

#moriarty the patriot #moriarty the patriot x reader #yuukoku no moriarty #yuukoku no moriarty x reader #albert james moriarty x reader #albert james moriarty #william james moriarty #william james moriarty x reader #louis james moriarty #louis james moriarty x reader

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captnjacksparrow · 3 years

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What are your full thoughts on Sakura's confession to Naruto? I've seen some fans blame it on Sai as he "emotionally manipulated" Sakura into doing all she can to stop Naruto which led to the fake confession.

Thanks for this ask @dinainwater 👍🏼 I always wanted to talk about that arc where all the characters' motivations were clearly set up. Sorry for the late response, Sakura’s prompts always makes my skin crawl.

I never knew that Sakura wankers would retort to such tactics by shifting the blame on Sai. I've said this in many posts and I don't mind repeating it here. Sakura was always written as a narrative tool to propagate the main characters, Naruto and Sasuke. This was always the case right from chapter 3.

This is also the arc where Team 7′s loyalty was put under the microscope for us viewers to observe. What will Team 7 do, when they hear about Sasuke who turned into a wanted Criminal??

SAKURA’S FAKE CONFESSION

Let’s start with Sai. He is also a member of Team 7. Sai doesn’t give a damn about Sasuke and he doesn’t have to. Because he never knew anything about him. But Sai really cared about Naruto more than Sakura ever did anything for Naruto combining Part 1 and Part 2. Unlike others, Sai started to care about Naruto because he saw something in him that reminded him of his brother Shin. Naruto didn’t have to prove anything to him to win his friendship like he did with Neji and others. In fact, Naruto hated him in the beginning.

Sai, a guy who couldn’t understand any feelings, has slowly started to understand something and he started to help/save Naruto without any motivations or expectations.

Well, I feel Kishi meant to parallel Sai with Sasuke not only in terms of looks but also when it comes to protecting him.

That’s why Sai went to Sakura to call her out for being a lazy donkey by dumping all the works on Naruto whereas she was sitting on her cool Ass without doing anything.

Well, I want everyone to put yourself in Sai’s place. What would you have done?While Naruto is getting beaten up for Sasuke’s sake and Sakura is sitting there leaving everything with Naruto to deal with the rough parts.

Now the wankers may make silly excuses like, ‘Naruto asked her to leave it to him’.

I am asking them, ‘Well, That didn’t stop Sai from not following what Naruto was about to do. He was worried about Naruto and followed him to see what he was going to do. And defended him from Karui’s attacks. Why couldn’t Sakura do this?’.

All these panels proves,

Sakura doesn’t give 2 shits about Naruto. But Sai genuinely cares about him a lot.

[[No wonder, Sai is one of the people with whom Naruto contacts a lot in Borutoverse also]]

Emotional manipulation is when someone uses their own feelings to make the other person feel guilty. I am pretty sure you all know who manipulated whom emotionally throughout the series.

Sai was simply acting here as the viewers’ voice. I don’t know about how viewers felt about the confrontation scene. I felt that Sai was asking what I was feeling about Sakura, the whole time!!!

Simply put,

“Just now, Karui beat Naruto into a pulp. He just doesn’t want to worry you by telling this. But why are you sitting simply without worrying about what’s happening to others? Do you really care about Naruto, a bit? You made some shitty promise with him some time ago and I don’t even know what it was. But he means to carry on that promise for the rest of his life because he likes you. Don’t you think you should take responsibility for putting such a burden on him?”

Now, This is where things get really interesting. Sai just observed Naruto’s behaviour around Sakura and concludes that Naruto is bearing all this pain for Sakura and to an extent for Sasuke but mostly for Sakura.

Sai comes to this conclusion because he never knew what happened between Naruto and Sasuke in part 1. He never saw their interaction or what’s going on between them. But Sakura does.

Sai feels deeply empathetic towards Naruto’s sadness and doesn’t want him to get hurt anymore. Hence he is calling her out for her insensitiveness when asking Naruto to make a Life Time Promise. Sai went one step ahead and added that everyone relies on Naruto too much. As a friend, Sai thinks that they all should shoulder Naruto’s burden.

There’s nothing wrong with Sai and his perspective.

Also, if he really intended to manipulate her, Sai shouldn’t have to tell Naruto about everything that had happened with Sakura and his Academy friends when he met him in the Land of Iron.

Even the most sensible Shikamaru thinks Sai was right.

For me, All of her Academy Classmates were speaking sense. Because, they were just observers.

Simply put, Sai and Everyone thinks that Sasuke has joined Akatsuki, the organization which destroyed their Village to the ground and was also hunting Naruto. But Sakura’s promise is putting Naruto’s life at danger because they feel Naruto is doing these for the Life Time promise he made 3 years ago before all of her Academy Classmates because everyone knows that Naruto never go back on his words.

Where is the emotional manipulation here?

The only problem from their opinion is that they never factored the extent of Naruto’s and Sasuke’s relationship into the equation and it’s not their fault. Because no one knows. But Sakura knows, atleast a bit if not entirely. We, the audience knew what happened in the VoTE1.

Sakura openly acknowledged to Sai that Naruto considers Sasuke as his brother. She even saw Naruto fall into the ground and bawling like a baby when Sasuke left with Orochimaru.

Can’t she put 2+2 to know that, Naruto is not just doing this for her??

Well, Since when has she ever been emotionally perceptive of others’ feelings? She always thought everything revolved around her. So, it’s not really surprising.

Well, in this scene I genuinely thought, She was going to do something good once and for all.

What Sakura could have done?

She should’ve confronted to them like a strong woman (as much as her wankers portrays her to be), ‘Naruto is not doing this for me. He may love me. But He is doing this not just for me. I knew about Naruto better than anyone. He truly wanted to save Sasuke for himself as well. We all should talk about this to Naruto and decide later.”

But she didn’t!!!

Later Sakura went on and proposed to Naruto pathetically and got rebuffed. She really thought Naruto would believe her proposal. She still thinks ‘Naruto is an idiot’. Even Kiba couldn’t believe this bullshit.

‘Sakura, You Dumb Biashhhh’, This is what Kiba must be thinking inside.

This is just another way for Kishi by dissing her and telling us that ‘Sakura never reached any emotional maturity. She is a self-absorbed girl who thinks that she is the center of everyone’s life. Sai, who spent very little time could understood Naruto better than Sakura, who was with him for a long time’.

From Writing point of View,

Up until that point, Kishi tried to build some platonic crush between Naruto and Sakura. But he decided to break that crush by making Naruto reject her Fake Confession and prefer Sasuke over Sakura.

Furthermore, He used her as a tool to make Naruto and Sasuke meet under the bridge, which was the iconic scene of the entire Series and that’s the moment, that particular Arc was leading upto. The writer is telling us that,

Even though Sakura wholeheartedly love Sasuke, when things don’t go well, she is not a person who will try to understand why Sasuke is doing whatever he did so far. Instead, she plunged right at him.

Even though Naruto likes Sakura, Sasuke trying to kill her will not evoke any kind of rage as one would display for their loved one when they gets hurt. Which means Naruto places Sasuke higher than Sakura.

Even though Sasuke plunged into the depth of darkness, seeing Sakura would not evoke any kind of positive feelings in him. But Naruto can.

Even though Sasuke turned into a killing machine, and the entire world turned upon him including his former Team, the only person who will stand with him will be Naruto, no matter what.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Sai has nothing to do with her delusion. Sai simply spoke his perspective about Naruto and his pain, excluding Sasuke (because he didn’t know about him). As someone who knew both Sasuke and Naruto, Sakura should have a better judgement in this matter. But she didn’t. She made a fool out of herself by taking a worst decision to confess dishonestly before Naruto and tried to kill Sasuke without understanding what both of them are going through.

Even if you live with this woman for 100 years, she is incapable of understanding anyone.

#ask #naruto analysis #naruto #sasuke #kiba #sai #anti sakura #antisakura

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mybg3notebook · 3 years

Text

The Party Scene

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were written up to the game version v4.1.104.3536 (Early access). As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information. Written in June 2021.

In these “scene posts” I will explore the scene of the title looking for the information in the dialogues. What I will be looking for is how much Gale “lies”, how much lore is provided, and any extra detail that may be of our interest to highlight. At the end of these posts there are summary points for those who don't want to read the whole post.

Additional disclaimers about meta-knowledge and interpretations in this (post) while disclaimers about Context in this (one).

The party scene, I personally think, needs plenty of polishing. The fact that many characters can have a "jealous" behaviour towards Tav no matter their approval looks suspicious to me. Gale's case is even weirder because if Tav did not romanced him at all, Gale will still share those judgemental comments that seem to come from jealousy, as well as strange dialogue options about “being a bad loser” when the context is not romantic at all. This would make some sense—to a certain extent—if Tav romanced him, but if Tav locked him as a friend, it has no purpose. Especially if Tav explores the option of suggesting him to spend the night together, which ends with Gale rejecting the situation because "they are just good companions" after such display of incoherent jealousy coming from a char who values privacy (and therefore would not meddle into Tav's personal affairs). It seems to contradict his character and therefore, it makes me suspect that the whole party scene is just very raw and unpolished in general.

As I said, the party interaction is very confusing since it doesn't follow the relationship context created by Tav, and in Gale's case looks inconsistent with his char as well, inviting a strong misinterpretations of his character (this is probably a consequence of the decision of making Gale part of EA in the last moment). So this scene analysis may be a bit messy since the scenes are messy too (hence this post's length. I'm sorry).

Whether Gale was locked into friendship or romance, Gale drops his famous line:

As they say in Waterdeep: In wine there is truth. That's usually followed by: In water there is good sense. Good sense will have to wait till the morrow.

A great warning line from a narrative point of view: he is basically saying that what will be shared that day under the effect of wine is true, but it certainly won't be "good sense".

In a friendship path, he would not want to waste Tav's time any longer, and will bid them a good night while promising a bed-story the next day. In that case, the wine line could be interpreted as the final decision of a confession that will happen the next day: Gale has finally reached a degree of trust in Tav that gives him enough courage to finally speak about the details of the "orb" (and I emphasise details because in broader aspect, he already shared what's most important: the "orb" in his chest is a dangerous thing. If Tav assisted with his death protocol, this is undeniable by now, unless Tav allowed him to keep his privacy).

In a romantic path, this wine line could be interpreted as the decision of inviting Tav to share a night, and explaining the details in the morning, the “good sense”. After the wine phrase, we have other piece of prose in which Gale describes a book that it's a bit more than a sexual book:

Gale: Allow me to make the following proposition: there is a book that circulates in Amn, detailing the first thousand nights of a newly-wed king and queen. They turned everything they did into an art. The art of conversation. The art of taste, time honoured and newly acquired. The art of the body. The exploration and acceptance of the self and the other. The art of the night itself. I say we take a page from their book.

Considering that Gale is not only a verbose char, but also a poet and a scholar, the enumeration of the concepts in the description of the book speaks a lot in my opinion. Gale is not inviting Tav to a night of sex (let's remember he never uses that word in EA) but to a deeper degree of "intimacy", as he calls it. There is a lot more involved in what he asks for: confessions in the art of conversation, pleasures in the art of the body, and, hopefully, acceptance. For Gale, acceptance is a big deal: it’s not by chance that he left it last in the enumeration, summarising the whole concepts with the "art of the night". Gale is truly eager to access these concepts, and in doing so, I personally believe he shows a fair level of naivety on this matter. It seems (especially later with his unpolished arguments in the morning) he felt he needed this level of intimacy—of acceptance first—so he could speak the details openly. He wants to have this night before any confession because he thinks that it would allow him to acquire something that would prevent the abandonment that he viscerally fears: acceptance.

Any of the options taken by Tav keeps showing his eagerness. He wants this to happen in whatever terms Tav desires: as a brand new experience (“blank slates on blank sheets”) or with the promise of commitment (writing the prequel of a newly-wed couple). Or if Tav romanced Gale and then chose to spend the night with another companion, Gale will still insist in sleeping together, showing he was open for Tav to have casual sex as long as the "commitment" part would be established with him. This is reinforced by the fact that, if Tav never shared the Weave with Gale, there is no way to sleep with him: Gale is not a character for one-stand nights. He craves for deep connection, for commitment, in whatever fashion he can get it. Mystra taught him not to ask about exclusivity after all.

Gale is so desperate to have this deep connection that if Tav doubts about spending the night with him, he will drop a line which can trigger an alarm in the player:

Tav: I'm not sure you're the one I want. Gale: That's because you've yet to find out what you're missing. Doubt is a spoilsport. Cast it aside.

Gale, the scholar, the one who kept encouraging Tav to doubt and to think critically about everything, suggests to dismiss doubts. Once more we see he needs this to happen. Some players interpret this as manipulation as well. I personally think this also says something else in Gale: since the dev's notes show no second intentions in the only two scenes where dev's notes existed, and instead, they display how much fear Gale has for a second abandonment, Gale is showing here his inexperience with relationships as well as a constant fear for abandonment.

Gale is looking for commitment, for something that can last longer than Mystra's affair did: he wants something solid, but his inexperience in this field made him "acquire" knowledge of how things should work via romanticized means such as books and poetry. In his mind, the acceptance he needs can only be acquired due to the "art of the night", very well detailed in this book he describes.

It's true that, all this part, if we completely ignore the narrative weight that the book has for a book-based character such as Gale, can be interpreted as Gale manipulating Tav to have sex alone; desperate to obtain it, doing everything in order to get it. We can also see the description of the book as a “bait”, as some people do. It's a valid interpretation, especially for a Tav who respected Gale's privacy during the Loss Scene and the protocol, so that Tav has no information with which to connect the dots. But I personally find it an over-magnification to see him as a "mastermind of manipulation". The few dev's notes we have about Gale seem to confirm that nothing shadier than his “orb” despair and his fear for abandonment are going on. These fears are constantly echoing in his mind, and they are, as I said in other posts, the main reasons why he becomes emotional and prone to make mistakes.

Is this action manipulative? It can be seen as “withholding information” by any Tav who didn't push him to explain, otherwise, all the information in a general way has been offered already and there is no withholding at all. Is Gale a manipulative character? In EA we don't see a pattern of that behaviour to qualify him as such. He has been quite honest, explaining in all scenes what he can say and what he cannot, drawing his boundaries clean and clear. We saw him struggling with the explanation of what he lost. The few Dev's notes reinforce mainly his fear for abandonment, lacking any manipulative behaviour behind his actions. His pattern, in my opinion, is that he tends to make mistakes in his emotional state, which is mostly triggered by the “orb” and the concept of “abandonment”. Not so much with Mystra per ser. He seems to be nostalgic but more aware of what loving a God causes (his regret is explicit during the conversation of Karsus). He is quite done with "her love as a lover", but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to be forgiven nor he doesn't love her as the essence of Magic itself. More details in the post of "Mystra and her Chosen ones".

After the party, Tav can have a romantic conversation before the sex “intimacy” or can reject the chance. What seems incoherent in this part is when Tav is not in the mood for sex, and Gale simply cuts off the situation. He is a character who craves connection and intimacy, and pretty much like Wyll, he needs a bond before stepping into romance. To waste a night of celebration that could be used to share any other level of intimacy (let's say, talking? The man clearly LOVES to talk) seems strange. If this reaction is truly meant to be in the game, it would seem that he certainly was more desperate for sex than what all the previous scenes hinted, but in that case it would have done little sense to leave the tale of the wizard for the next night. Gale already knew Tav did not want to have sex, so no point in delaying the explanation of the details. I personally suspect these incoherences are a consequence of Gale being added into EA at the last moment, making him more “shadier” than he is meant to be.

To justify my opinion that this seems to be an unpolished scene: if Gale is not romanced, and conditions are given, Lae'Zel will spend the night with him, talking. Why would Gale prefer to share a night of talks with a companion with whom he had not the Weave connection before, but he won't do it with a Tav who shared it? I see some incongruence here, probably as the result of being added into the EA in a rush. His scenes are less polished and much more messier than the other companions' (certainly not more than Wyll, though) and his bugs and triggering priority show it.

This part is also seen as "coercive" by some players:

Tav: I’m sorry, but I actually don’t think I can do this. I’m just not in the mood. Gale: Not even a simple kiss would change your mind? Tav: No, it wouldn’t.

Tav: Maybe a kiss was enough Gale: Are you sure? One kiss is like one chord in an entire symphony. It begs for more.

Gale: (disapproval) What a pity. One should never be afraid to live life to the fullest. Before we part.. I know there are many things about me that remain shrouded in mystery. You’ve been very patient with me, and I appreciate that. You’ve brought me back from the grey shores of death. You know of my condition, and you know about my unfortunate efforts to win Mystra’s favour, but those are but the broad strokes. The time has come to paint you the true picture. So come find me another night, yes? No kisses, just words. (Leaves)

Asking seems to be coercive for some people just because there is a disapproval. I personally separate very clearly what Tav sees and receives as information from the NPCs and what I, the player, do. Tav should react to what they see, but the player is having a “meta-knowledge” of the situation with the info of the narrator and the approval system. The player knows Gale is disappointed in not having intimacy now, and he expresses it. Then he behaves completely natural, and continues talking (of course) about what he will explain about in the following morning (I don't understand what impedes him to say it in that moment: is it the wine? He fears his charisma checks are at a disadvantage due to the wine? Is it just a reflection of the rush in which he was added to the game? We will see in the full release. To me it looks inconsistent.)

Anyways. The scene continues in the early morning or simply the next night depending on what option Tav picked. Here, Gale presents the details of the revelation: “It is a story full of answers long overdue. It is a story of a man who fell in love with a goddess.”

Tav: You're really about to tell me about another lover? What's wrong with you? Gale :I couldn’t do it before. I couldn’t ruin the chance for us to happen. You were there. How could I say no to you? Dev's notes: Gale revealed he was in love with Mystra. He tells this the morning after. Understandably, the player can react negatively to his timing. He tries to explain himself.

This line clearly shows that there was an intention in hiding the relationship he had with Mystra, which it's an “answer long overdue” (is it?). Now, some players consider this the proof of Gale's manipulations; the greatest betrayal, because people are entitled to know all the details of their partner's past before sleeping with them. Other players consider that it's in poor taste to disclose this exactly the morning after sharing the night with Gale. And I agree. However, I see a scene with a lot of over-magnifications and making things more problematic than they truly are. In my opinion, “the chance for us to happen” is deeply linked to the book of Amn for all the reasons explained before. It's not by chance that this book has such a weight in the scene. Gale also shows with this line that he has no experience nor idea how relationships develop.

I also think that Gale fails so much in delivering decent lines in this scene because, 1) this is a very unpolished text in EA, or 2) this is very on purpose, emphasising that Gale is ready to speak about the two topics that turn him into an emotional disaster and his word choices could be attributed to as someone failing many charisma checks. Maybe that's the intention.

If Tav considers this the greatest of the betrayals they can tell him to leave and Gale will not resist the rejection, leaving the party immediately and facing one of his biggest fears: Abandonment. And once more, the abandonment as a consequence of his own mistake. The irony of this path.

If Tav allows him to explain, Gale will accept any "judgement after telling his story". This is something very related to Gale's approvals: to have a complete grasp of a situation, you need to have all the evidence, hear all the details of the event, before drawing a conclusion. And curiously, no matter what aggressive option Tav picks, Gale gives no disapproval unless he is forced to leave the party. So, after some dramatic reaction, Gale will try to proceed with the telling.

Tav: It’s clear as day you are talking about yourself, you know Gale: I know, but a bit of narrative distance will make it all so much easier in the telling. Indulge me.

From here, Gale gives Tav another courtesy gesture: to pick the version in which this will be explained. He clarifies that the long version, more pompous and verbose and in third person, is the one he would prefer due to the distance. Since the first meeting on the road, or the stew scene, passing through the Loss Scene, we see this pattern again: Gale, the character who always has a lot of things to speak about, has also topics that are difficult to explain and needs to use narrative tricks to do it. Not by chance he is a reserved person: those topics he can't talk about are always personal.

Long version

Gale: Once upon a time, not quite that long ago, there lived a wizard in a tower. The wizard was what one might call a prodigy, who from an early age could not only control the Weave, but compose it, like a musician or a poet. Such was his skill that it earned him the attention of the mother of magic herself. The Lady Of Mysteries, Mystra.

Tav: What did Mystra’s attention feel like? Gale: Love. Dev's Notes: nostalgic, regretful, bitter, sad, lost romance–all with a bit of hesitation on the front of the line. Tav :He sounds like a very talented individual Gale: He was. Even though it was in Mystra’s affections that his true power lay. Tav: Teacher’s pet, was he? Gale: He fancied himself much more than that. He fancied himself favoured above all others.

These three options give interesting additional information: Gale was convinced that Mystra's attention was love, because he was young and naive. He is now very aware that his talent meant little, because the true power he had was in Mystra's affections, meaning in being a loved Chosen one. He fancied himself unique, as a Chosen would do.

Gale: Perhaps it was not quite love, Dev's Notes: A little embarrassed Gale: but you see, the wizard was but a very young man. It was most certainly love to him. Mystra showed him the secrets behind the veils. The gossamer veils first, draped across the Weave. The delicate veils next, draped across her body. ‘Chosen One’ she whispered, as she slipped them off completely.

This is another fragment with interesting, yet disturbing lines: Gale now, as a narrator, questions if that past feeling was Love. He has matured his sentiments for Mystra, they are less "teenager-like". He is convinced that in the past it was love to him, implying that now he has doubts (concept reinforced once more by the end of the scene). The disturbing line is the definition of "very young man", which I will talk about in the post of "Gale Hypotheses- Part 1", section: "Grooming".

Tav: The veils draped across the Weave? Gale: Indeed. What most wizards perceive is but the ripple of the Weave’s surface. Untold wonders lie beyond. I enjoyed them for a while, as we enjoyed each other.

Once more, in these details, the narrative reinforces how intense is the connection of Mystra with a Chosen one. Again, this is lore information. Chosen ones have a deep connection with Mystra/the Weave/Magic, which is unique. More on this matter can be read in the post about "Mystra and her Chosen ones".

Gale: One day all too soon, the whispers stopped. The goddess spurned the mortal. The veils were drawn once more, and the wizard was left behind heartbroken.

Tav: Poor wizard Gale: Poor wizard. Silly wizard too, for he wouldn’t take no for an answer Tav: What happened next? // I hate to say it, but he really could have seen this coming Gale: He was blinded by love. Good stories are rife with lovers’ follies after all. Tav: Perhaps she, like you, had other lovers she didn’t tell him about. Gale : She might well have had, but that didn’t stop the wizard from trying to reclaim her affections.

Gale: Like so many of the heartbroken, he did something infinitely foolish. One has to think big if one seeks to win back a goddess. So the wizard thought big. [Here he explains all about Karsus who] sought to usurp the goddess of magic so that he could become a god himself. He almost managed but not quite, and his entire empire – Netheril – came crashing down around him as he turned to stone. The magic unleashed that day was phenomenal, rolling like the prime chaos that outdated creation. A fragment of it was caught and sealed away in a book. No ordinary book, mind you; a tome of gateways that contained within it a bubble of Astral Plane. It was a fragment of primal Weave locked out of time – locked away from Mystra herself. ‘What if’, the silly wizard thought. ‘What if after all this time, I could return this lost part of herself to the Goddess?”

Another part of the scene that keeps giving us a lot of information: Gale is very aware now how silly he was in his youth (at this point, one can almost remember his words during Arabella's quest: she is not innocent but that doesn't mean she is guilty) and his past young self was unable to take a no as an answer (which apparently Gale learnt very well when before this revelation or after, Tav can reject him and he simply leaves the party without putting much resistance, despite knowing that Tav only has a fragment of the big picture). The other answer reinforces his blindness by this strange concept that Gale thought it was love, and pretty much uses the word Folly for describing or making an analogy with his past, which again, it's not a casual word: Folly is a formal way to say stupidity and it's also a word that Gale uses to compare his mistake with Karsus' folly. As an extra, the last answer seems to explain very much what he does when Tav romanced him and then slept with another companion. Details of this in the post "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Proposition to Cheat".

Short version:

This version is shorter and more into the point without an excess of dramatic details that may end up annoying Tav more than making the process of comprehension better. The short version makes much more clear where Gale is standing: the facts are presented without his typical pattern of embellishing the story.

Gale: […] I am what one might call a wizard prodigy, who from an early age could not only control the Weave, but compose it like a virtuoso. Such was my skill that it earned me the attention of Mystra herself. I soon fell in love with her, and she returned my affections. […] Before long Mystra tired of me. What was I, after all, but a mortal plaything in sacred hands? You have to realise I was heartbroken. I was a young man, she was my first love. I thought it would last forever.

This part reinforces once more that he is very aware that a relationship with a goddess was very unbalanced, that Mystra was his first love, he was a young man, and he thought it would last forever.

For completion's sake, the goblin version has a different introduction:

Gale: Let's just get this over with. No doubt you've guessed by now there was something rather special about my relationship with the goddess Mystra. The thing is, we were lovers once. I am what one might call a wizard prodigy [...follows the same speech of the short version]

Three versions converge in the kneeling. The scene in this point has a different narrative value; a proud character as he is, who has a deep regret for his mistake with the “orb” (he says it explicitly in the "Loss Scene" post) kneels before Tav to humbly show the traumatic experience by placing their hand on his heart, where the “orb” resides:

Gale: Here. Place your hand over my heart. Let me show you Narrator: You feel the tadpole quiver as you realise Gale is letting you in. Into the dark. You see through Gale’s eyes, staring down the corridors of a dread memory. A book, bound, then suddenly opened. Inside there are no pages, only a swirling mass of blackest Weave that pounces. It’s teeth, it’s claws, it’s unstoppable as it digs through you and becomes part of you. And gods, is it ever hungry…

This scene speaks of opennesses in all senses, honest and without any interest of pretence: Gale is showing his greatest regret, the lowest of the lowest he reached, the despair that it inspires. For once, he is not talking, he is showing it (because the experience is the one that makes him speechless and its memory seems to cause him great pain too due to the facial gesticulation). And what Tav sees shows again that Gale has nothing extra to hide: this has been the same exact information that Tav could extract from him in earlier opportunities with successful tadpole intrusions. So, if Tav never reveals that they saw this in Gale during the stew scene, Tav will realise that Gale kept his promise: he was reserved for a while, trusting slowly in Tav, to finally open up and show that he was going to explain the “why” much more later, because it's truly difficult for Gale to speak about.

1-Yank your hand away Gale: Terrifying isn’t it? And that is only the beginning 3-Tav: Gods – why show me this? Gale: I’m sorry, but I had to. After all, that is only the beginning 4-Tav: I slept with a monster. Gale: I didn’t sleep with a monster despite the tadpole in your head. We are none of us monsters. We are merely hatcheries for monstrous things. So we fight them.

This is one of the most ominous information Gale gives us, in my opinion: The experience of how the “Black Weave” rushed into his body is grotesque and painful, and it's meant to cause despair. But that was only the beginning: Gale is everyday dealing with that feeling, but on a bigger scale as its hunger increases with each passing day. The descriptions of his emotions during the artefact scenes adds more despair and anxiety to it. Gale is living in the worst mental state that a person can, but he manages it thanks to his wizard training and the Weave he consumes (he is still alive thanks to Magic, of all things). This shows the mental power of a wizard in DnD. And if you read the post about "Well-known Characters" section: "Elminster", Gale could have been inspired in him since I can see this level of endured torture similar to the one that Elminster was exposed to when he was kidnapped and dragged to the Hells.

Gale: This Netherese taint.. this orb, for lack of a better word, is balled up inside my chest. And it needs to be fed. As long as it absorbs Weave it remains stable – to an extent. The moment it becomes unstable, however..[...] It will erupt. I don’t know the exact magnitude of the eruption, but given my studies of Netherese magic, I’d say even a fragment as small as the one I carry…. It’d level a city the size of Waterdeep. Dev's Notes: He admits he’s a walking disaster waiting to happen. This is said very seriously. The truth is finally out and he has no idea how the player will react to such monstrous news.”

Tav: I should godsdamned kill you Gale: Perhaps that is what I deserve, but you deserve no such thing. To kill me is to unleash the orb. I understand your anger, I do […]

Here is where we know that Gale calls it “orb”, but it's not an orb. For more details, read the post about the "Orb". Tav already knew since the Stew scene that Gale could cause a catastrophe without artefacts. In this scene we just get some extra details about it.

Gale: It is my truth, finally revealed. It is this folly that led Mystra to abandon me completely. I can only hope you won’t abandon me as well. After all we’ve been through.. (After the night we spent together). Surely we can brave even this side by side. Dev's notes: Solemn. Full of yearning his news will not lead to him being abandoned by the player.

And there, Gale's “truth” is “revealed” (not truly, it is only more detailed in the information): We know that the Weave he consumes from the artefacts keeps this condition stable (something we already knew since the Stew Scene) and it will erupt if it doesn't consume artefacts (which is something we knew since the Stew Scene too). So the revelation scene is not so much of a revelation. The whole scene has a writing with a lot of weight in “shocking” revelations and “dramatic” reactions when the context provided shows that there is little to be shocked about, in my opinion. If anything, this whole scene needs serious polishing.

Then it follows the “coercive” part according to some players, which again... it's only Gale hoping this situation doesn't end in a second abandonment. The concept that the “intimacy” of the shared night gives more reasons to stay by his side seems pretty naïve, but maybe that was the intention (thus my suspicion that Gale has no experience at all in relationships, only what he learnt from romantic books). What it's clear is that after the detailed explanation, Gale is desperate to avoid a second abandonment, yet he knows it's unavoidable. This can be seen when Tav doesn't forgive his betrayal (?) of not saying anything about Mystra or the "orb" (he did in the Stew and following scenes, but this context is not acknowledged here), and Gale simply accepts it, showing that Mystra's experience made him learn to accept a no, leaving the party forever (in EA).

Tav: No. This is too large a betrayal. Gale: I see. I am sorry. I am sorry that it had to come to this. All that’s left to say is farewell. Dev's Notes: A slight hesitation, hurt but understanding. He makes a polite little bow, then we see him walk away.

Really, I don't understand what happened with this scene because it's either ignoring any annoyance that the situation can cause on a Tav who didn't push Gale to talk, or it offers an over-reaction when all the information has been shared already, at least in a very generalised way during the Stew Scene. A Tav who doesn't push Gale to speak will have no more details than the ones provided during the Stew Scene at this point in the game, but one who pushed Gale will basically have the whole story covered. The Rpg-options we get here are so white-and-black, and not even coherent with the context, no wonder so many players turned Gale into a “mastermind in manipulation”. This scene is very unpolished in my opinion.

Tav: Gale, are you still in love with Mystra? Gale: I’ll be honest with you; I don’t know. She is my muse still, the embodiment of magic, but the embodiment of love? Only if we ever meet again will I know

Here we have once more confirmation that Gale questions what kind of love he has for Mystra. Considering all the context he gave us previously, it seems that his love for his Goddess as a devotee will never cease, but romantic love is a big question for him. He has given Tav all the hints to make them suspect that Gale probably never knew romantic love outside his experience with Mystra or what he could read in books.

Tav: What would permanently rid you of the orb? Gale: The orb was kept safe and inert in a pocket of Astral Plane, suspended in time. If I can somehow manage to expel it from my body while in the Astral Plane, it will be rendered inert again. Alternatively, I could learn to control it’s chaotic magic, that is; to succeed where I failed before. But without Mystra’s favour, I don’t see how that may come to pass. Of course there could be different answers as well. Faerûn brims with more magic than any one wizard could fathom, let alone comprehend. Who knows what outlandish solutions may yet present themselves?

The last bits of information are more interesting: Gale thought of two possible solutions to solve his “orb”problem. One is to expel the object out of his body in the Astral Plane where time doesn't exist so its hunger or ticking mechanism stops, so the magic will remain inert. The other option is to control Netherese magic. He informed Tav that he already tried this option, so it's clear that Gale's intention when obtaining this book was to master this strange piece of Weave and give the secrets of that control to Mystra. But he failed.

Summary of the post:

There is an important emphasis in acceptance: only through acceptance Gale can open up to share the details of his mistake. He wants to have this night before any confession because he wants to acquire this acceptance that, in his mind, would prevent the abandonment he viscerally fears.

In all the scenes there are many hints suggesting Gale is very inexperienced in relationships: the acceptance he needs can only be acquired due to the "art of the night'', which is one of the main points in this book. His notions related to relationships seem to have been acquired via romanticised means: books and poetry. He may believe that intimacy guarantees acceptance.

Gale “reveals” his truth: he was a Chosen of Mystra, he was Mystra's lover, and the “orb” problem was a mistake he made to earn Mystra's attention. All this information is now detailed here when it had been shared already. There is little “revelation” in it.

Gale's actions can be interpreted as manipulative for a Tav who respects his privacy and has little information about the “orb”. But hardly the pattern extends to his behaviour. His need for acceptance makes him make bad decisions.

A Tav who pushed Gale to speak in previous scenes finds little new information in this one: they will have a more detailed picture of the situation and they will know that Gale and Mystra were lovers.

Gale is very aware that Mystra's love was not exactly love, but it felt like that when he was young. He also knows that the true power of a Chosen is related to being loved by her. He is also aware that a relationship with a goddess is a very unbalanced one. He states that Mystra was his first love, the affair happened when he was a (very) young man, and he thought it would last forever.

Potent narrative image: Gale, a proud character with great confidence, kneels before Tav to humbly show the traumatic experience by placing his hand on his heart, where the “orb”resides.

In general, the whole tone of the scene jumps constantly in my opinion. Tav's options are not toned to the general atmosphere of the scene: or they ignore completely the value of what Gale says, or over-react magnifying information as if it were the first time Gale says it, when a lot of it was shared during the Stew Scene and following scenes. It feels like a very unpolished scene, probably as the result of Gale being a companion added to the EA in a rush.

The Dev's notes explain the whole situation as:

Dev's notes: synopsis: The principal portion of this dialog consists of two main parts: a romantic night intro that leads to a fade to black and implied intimacy, and a section in which Gale tells you his true story in either of two ways (chosen by the player). These are the ‘story’ variant in third person, and the slimmed down ‘story-light’ version in first person. It is the story of how he fell in love with the goddess Mystra, was spurned by her after a brief affair, and how he got himself into big trouble when trying to win her back. The dialog was originally meant to contain only the above, but for recording and cinematic purposes, the story sections of it are also used in a variety of other ways, that is to say, the dialog also contains an intro section in which the scene begins with no romantic intent. In specific cases though, Gale will still try his luck, which you’ll see in the repeat of some lines of an earlier dialog.

This shows that, so far, the intention was always to make Gale explain the “true story” in this scene, which was the one we were told. I think that expecting more secrets would water down this intention here. In any case, the future secrets, if there are some left, may be secret even for Gale himself.

This post was written in June 2021. → For more Gale: Analysis Series Index

#bg3 meta #gale #gale of waterdeep #bg3 gale

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scoundrels-in-love · 3 years

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Almost 300 years a week later, here are some of my thoughts on Dan Ah and her actions through ep 11 and 12. I will try not to repeat too much of the points I made here, or elsewhere in my rambles, but if it happens, it happens. + I won’t operate on mindset that you’ve read it.

First, I think her saying ‘apologies are meaningless, I can’t take back things I said, only make up for it’ is incredibly telling of her as person and the kind of environment she grew up in - the high society and family where apologies are dished out hollowly and never followed through with intention of changing something for the better or your behavior. Time and how you spend it is very important to her. She even says as much in her confession and I think it only outlines how much her time is the one thing she tries to have control of, and exert it (over herself as well). Considering the concept of possibly terminal illness that she suffers from, it makes sense. She doesn’t have time to be patient, no one will wait for her, including her own health. Yeong Hwa is the one immovable object that forces her to slow down and readjust her whole approach to life and it’s been... Not comfortable, necessarily, but it’s been functional, so she struggles to redefine it, especially without real example.

Second, there’s lot of parallels to be drawn between her and Mi Joo. And I ended up writing this all backwards, so I am not sure if I’ll manage to include it, but in some ways, Mi Joo’s line about ‘I value myself more than anyone else’ both in the sense that she’s the most important to herself and that no one else values her truly highly is very reminiscent of Dan Ah’s attitude and the way she admitted she isn’t in control of her life entirely o Mi Joo.

And there’s. of course, that moment when Mi Joo responded sarcastically to Seun Gyeom, later to apologize for it, which he took in a stride (much as he had said that he had never felt Dan Ah walked over him unjustly), because he does understand where they come from and how they work, on a certain level (even if he underestimated just how his father would strike and manage to hurt Mi Joo). I think Dan Ah isn’t at place where she cay say that yet, but I do believe sentiment is within her.

If someone asked what motivates Dan Ah, her answer could be similar to Mi Joo’s - fear and obsession, rather than Seun Gyeom’s regret. Fear of being controlled, of being weak and sick, obsession of having and exerting certain power and keeping yourself safe. Now, this point altogether is purely speculation on my part, of course, but that’s my read on the character, but also her anxiety has been mentioned several times and anxiety is basically that - fear, especially of things going wrong/being out of control, if we wish to trivialize it.

And although Dan Ah merely adds that whatever she had, got taken away from her, she basically used same method as Mi Joo - set her goals and opted for the best ‘fake’ that she could get, in this case her company, rather than being football player or the gallery. Both, in the same way, would rather put up walls to not lose what little they have but the men in their lives just... Bypassed them.

It’s interesting to note that similarly as Mi Joo is currently trying to sort ouf what is real and to go for, instead of relying on having a ‘fake’, so does Dan Ah - it’s likely she is planning to expose the illegitimate status of both her brothers to gain what is technically rightfully hers (hence asking her younger brother to side with her even when it will not be comfortable for him).

Third, I think the way she’s seeking out Mi Joo and her opinion is very interesting. And it does loop back to Yeong Hwa as well!

From the very start, we see that Dan Ah actually cares to listen to other people to an extent (she asks her secretary what she did wrong to upset Seun Gyeom, even if she ends the conversation how much simpler it’d be if all of us thought were similar, which is strongly undermined by all of her interactions with Mi Joo and even Yeong Hwa essentially). She is interested in experiencing being opposed and challenged in a way that is not downright demeaning as she does in her family. She finds their view on world interesting, if somewhat incomprehensible, and listens to it, processes it inwardly, even if her initial reaction might be defensive. (Also, it shows from start she’s willing to admit she doesn’t have all answers, same as she does with Yeong Hwa telling him that she doesn’t know what answer he wants - as she would need to know in business deal which is what most of her world consists of.)

But in some ways, I also think she is interested in what Seun Gyeom and Mi Joo have created and how. She basically instantly could tell Seun Gyeom is interested in Mi Joo which is implied as rare occurrence (or perhaps even the only time since she says she’s the last woman he liked and he debunks the theory), she asks several times what Mi Joo sees in Seun Gyeom that makes her so protective of him (which I think is both a way to see how deeply Mi Joo cares for him and to see more of Seun Gyeom). But also in some way, although it is her own act to let Seun Gyeom, she “loses” him to his own path and Mi Joo both. Because I do think she cares for him as a friend, perhaps only one she has.

Although she puts Seun Gyeom’s picture by the trash, it’s actually not taken out for several days and it’s definitely not because the secretary or the cleaner are neglecting their duties. Rather, same way as he didn’t throw away the honey but handed it back to Yeong Hwa, the secretary is aware she’s not really emotionally throwing him away. Because once she likes something, she never really stops, as per her own admission.

So there’s this certain feeling of loss that she can’t quite admit to herself and want to know both what Mi Joo saw and supported in Seun Gyeom and how and a yearning for something similar, because this is basically the first friendship/not work based relationship of the kind that she sees. (The same way she marvels is this how full-blood siblings are supposed to be when Eun Bi is upset about Seun Gyeom’s picture and how she defends her brother and then, Dan Ah actually ‘tattles’ on her so he can protect her, which can be covered up with excuse it was over the schedule, but was it really?)

In fact, she seems to be somewhat envious of relationship her brother has with her secretary, saying he still cares for her brother more and also the way she wanted to be included in the whole cat talk. She is upset when he doesn’t say he’s her person, but employed by the company, she protects him the way she knows how to (regarding revenge kick) and generally cares for him. She just wants someone truly and personally on her side, even though she probably has a hard time admitting it to herself which results in these odd and halfway there and nowhere attempts, especially paired with the fact she doesn’t really know how to establish not-work-related connection on a deeper level.

I will add point fourth here, although it’s still technically third. It’s safer, far more practical and logical to stay detached. But the heart wants what it wants and it’s friendship, connection, being liked for who she is and being challenged but not seen as lesser, with someone who won’t smile because she’s his boss, although that sort of control is precious and hard fought to be had in part of her life.

Caring for something or someone is relinquishing this control, basically inviting the same result Seun Gyeom got taste of at ep of 12, the result she already experienced with her dreams of being football player crushed. Except if it involves another person, it increases the chances of being hurt by them exponentially. And it’s also worth considering that if her relationship with mother was close, she’s also already experienced abandonment and grief of losing someone dear and close. (Which, of the leads, only Mi Joo knows and even then it’s more the absence of reflection what other people around her have which hurts, but in a different way, as per my experience.)

Concept of Mi Joo’s friendship, and Yeong Hwa as a whole, become very images of these unsaid wish fulfillment because they’re not trying to be.

They’re themselves, argumentative and challenging, and teasing, despite her being ‘above them’ in power hierarchy, leveling the field by merely ignoring it, and, initially, she doesn’t even try to get Yeong Hwa sign a contract, it’s only when her own yearning for his work (and for him), and him denying her any of it becomes a problem that she ‘admits’ it was her own fault for not drawing the sort of lines she’s used to with everyone else, and even then she’s not really thrilled about him agreeing to it, because it’s not really what she wants from him, although it’s what would be the safest and make the most actual sense within her world.

Even then, as her employee, he refuses to follow her orders and tells her plainly - if she wants something, she is to be vulnerable and invest herself into it (she actually tries, by smiling because he had said it was cute) and she has to admit to herself and to him, that he has grown onto her, not as a ‘vending machine’ or ‘employee’, but person whose opinion and feelings toward her are very important to her.

Also, it’s very telling how she tells him she belongs to herself, of course, and that he, too, can still belong to himself. She wants him as individual separate from herself, but the thought that he is firmly on her side obviously makes her very happy. In some ways, it’s also upgrade from ‘my person’ claim she makes toward her secretary, a learning curve.

Fifth, I suppose. While I rewatched some scenes to make sure I wasn’t actually misremembering, I started to think of another motif that repeats through her conversations.

Dan Ah repeatedly tells him not to have expectations, sentiments, disappointments toward her. From one side, it’s to draw a clear line of employee/employer and view each other in a detached way (that she tries again and again herself, but fails to), but from other, is it that simple?

She is almost crying when she asks him if he’s really stopped liking her and from preview, we learn that no one has asked her out before, seemingly? Probably because she was too much of a boss ass bitch, but still possibly left with a certain sense of inadequacy and that ‘when I am being apologetically me and I will always be that, I am not likeable although I do not entirely understand why’, as per her wondering why people always think she’s mean when by most of her society’s standards, she is rather thoughtful.

Her want of gallery has been brought up several times, her older half brother often says her pick of artist will never be good enough, her father still sees her as a tool to marry off. She as person with her goals and dreams and what she has achieved, just isn’t good enough for people around her at large.

The moment he cares for her, the moment she inherently becomes capable of disappointing him. The moment she cares for him, the moment she becomes capable of disappointing him. And that thought, of doing that and not enough to Yeong Hwa who has sneakily smiled his way into her heart, the growing awareness she truly doesn’t know how to be in some aspects, is overwhelming and painful and she tries to shut the door to it.

Also, he tells her he likes her no matter what he does, but he hates it, which I imagine is double the punch and she tries to find a solution that would make him happy and stop hating it - the perfect answer, as she would in a business deal, but she can’t, until she commits to the truly mortifying ordeal of being known (as suggested by Mi Joo).

Sixth, I really liked that she (or the narrative) didn’t make fun of Yeong Hwa crying. In fact, she’s eyerolled about her younger brother’s temper, but not really in the present made fun of him for apparently being a ‘crybaby’ in the past. I think that in a sense shows her actual streak of empathy and maybe the fact that she’s familiar with need to cry herself and doesn’t find it ‘weak’ as most ‘tougher’ characters would. Also perhaps that she cares for her younger brother more than she has admitted to herself, similarly as she kept denying she cared for Yeong Hwa and went rather far to hurt him.

#run on #jtbc run on #kdrama #rainy watches kdrama #it's only midnight and I've been writing this on and off for two hours...#and it's 1 of 4 rambles #and I don't even know if it makes sense

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

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Imo there is enough to support the possibility of a romantic relationship, but you are writing full on narratives with impossible specificity. You know what confirmation bias is but some young impressionable people dont yet . Forgive me but misleading with ' alt facts' can hurt someone even if you dont mean it. I think you are a good person not looking to hurt anyone. But the way you postulate without any evidence makes your actions a little but like those of a charlatan. Peace and kindness

All these kind words you spew...

It feels more like an advice than a question so I'm not sure how to respond to it...

Let me just say thank you? I never quite understood what the brouhaha was about with my posts but after talking to a few people, 'on the other side' lol and reading your Ask, I think I'm starting to get a better sense of what the problem is.

Something about young impressionable minds or people?

Let the council of elders know, those are not my audience please. I cater to a much more mature audience- at least so far. The people that I interact with and engage with on my posts on and off Tumblr are very mature and not impressionable at all.

They are People with brains who can tell an opinion from fact and can engage in deep complex controversial conversations without throwing up, shedding tears or cussing through to the heavens.

If there are 'impressionable people' reading my blogs- they do so at their own risk. If you know any such people or they run to you with my theories kindly point out to them it's just theory because that's what my opinions are.

I think the best thing you can do is to advice such people to grow up if they are going to sit at the adult table or not read my posts at all. I think you need to learn to hold the right people accountable for their actions.

The best I can do in this case- to hold myself accountable, is to put up a disclaimer on my posts to let people know what it is that they are reading- something I do quite often. But I will make conscious efforts to put up those disclaimers each time henceforth. Thank you.

That I write full on narratives with impossible specificity:

Is this Latin for, 'you write fiction get the fuck outta here?' Chilee.

I don't even know what you mean by this exactly so I may not be able to respond to it to your satisfaction. Bare with me.

So what if I write fiction? What is wrong with writing fiction? Do you hate fiction writers? I don't get what the hate is with these complaints honestly. Do you want me to put up a disclaimer stating my blogs are fiction? Would that help? I would glady do it.

If it helps you sleep at night think of my blogs as fiction- a rose by any other name. I've been keeping up with Shakespeare. Lol.

I don't think it's that deep. Listen, you gotta understand that just because we both 'ship' Jikook don't mean we are on the same team...

Most alt shippers I know and who read my posts and engage with it are not even Army to begin with, for your information. They could care less about these shipping politics of yours. Have you thought about that?

Some simply ship JK and JM and support them because they believe they are members of the LGBTQ plus community not because they are part of BTS.

There are different communities out there who are also into Jikook- for very different reasons. You gotta respect that.

To you, Jikook is just a ship within BTS that may or may not be real, but to some of us they have very much outgrown that description...

They are a brand of their own, a power couple and members of the LGBTQ plus community- Gay Icons extraordinaire. I think we take very different stock in Jikook. So stop trying to fit us all into one box.

It's disrespectful to try and control the way that people perceive their OTP and support them. Jikook don't just belong to Army Jokers, they belong to different communities outside Army. Are you aware of that?

And please don't confuse the intersect. I am an alt-shipper yes but I just so happen to be an Army too. But if I wasn't an Army, I'd still pretty much 'ship' and support Jikook- make no mistake. There are quite a few of us running around these streets, you know?

So you have every right to want to gatekeep your Army Jikook- but you have to do that without infringing on other rights of other 'Jikook communities.'

Throughout my blogs I have tried to shed light on what altshipping is because I thought it would help bridge the gap but clearly that hasn't worked. Sigh.

Misleading alt facts

Do you not know what it means or you are just being ironic?👀

Why is it ok for you to believe and proclaim that JK and BigHit lied about JK dating the Tattoo artist but it's not ok for me to believe JK is telling the truth when he says he didn't date her and that BigHit saw an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone- hence why they didn't press charges against the shop for breach of privacy like they had said they were going to do. Instead, they had asked the shop to keep calm till the scandal died down on it's own?

You start your piece off with the whole, 'there is enough evidence to support a romantic relationship' between JK and the tattoo shop lady- I assume.

For context, this Ask by this anon is in response to my recent post/ answer on the tattoo girl scandal where the topic of discussion was on BigHit, JK and the tattoo artist and not Jikook perse.

A statement that is in direct conflict with JK's statement, BigHit's and the lady in questions, all denying that there was a romantic relationship between her and Jungkook- and somehow I am misleading who- who now with my theory??? Chileee.

Do you see the problem here? Double standards- the hallmark of bigotry. Lmho. You are literally doing the very thing you are accusing me of. Making confident assertions and claiming you know more about JK and the Lady's relationship and even have 'enough evidence' contrary to BigHit, JK and the Tattoo artist's statements denying the rumors- at least when I theorize I admit I'm being delusional. What's your excuse? When you say charlatan are you referring to yourself? You must be. Lmho.

Now I'm confident in my comprehension skills and intelligent enough to know when you make an assertion like this- it is your opinion and you are just stating your opinion. If you are not then honey you'd be opening yourself up to some serious litigation... goodluck I guess. Lol.

You are allowed to form an opinion about a topic. There is nothing wrong with that. If to you, JK and this person dated that is fine. I am not going to cyber bully you, stalk you, throw slurs at you, harrass you, dox you, slid into people's Dms to spread hate and lies about you just because I don't agree with your opinion. And for the record, I don't agree with your opinion. Hehehehe.

I have stated my opinion on the matter. I said I think JK and this person did hang out, go on dates but that there was no romantic sexual relationship between them because I believe that would have had much serious consequences and effects on Jikooks dynamics no matter how much they tried to keep a cool facade. Whoever felt cheated on would have acted more insecure than usual post the incident- how does this make me a charlatan? Are you saying it's wrong it have an opinion? Chileee.

Now if you can produce 'evidence' of them having sex or even kissing, then I will gladly change my mind on the topic and not sweat it.

Jikook have done way worse questionable things in 7 good years and people still don't believe they are dating. Jk hangs out with a female friend a few times in less than a month and suddenly he is dating her? Lmho.

You don't need me to tell you people are more eager to accept a heterosexual relationship than wrap their heads around the fact that two male idols are gay and in a gay relationship with eachother. Don't you just love it when homophobia meets heteronormativity and stinks? I do. Lol.

I mean this is a fandom that thinks JK is 'too touchy' and doesn't respect his boundaries- they practically swear JK is cheating on Jimin with every member any time he hugs, kisses, wings at within the group. You think they will be 'objective' about JK hanging out with a girl? Even if it happened once?

You said something about confirmation bias.... I will not touch it. Lmho.

This is not the first time JK has gone on a date with a girl. This is not the first time he has 'dated a girl', he has hand girls on his laps or whatever- what is a back hug? I think people need to stop defining Jikook's lives by their own standards. If a backhug is intimate to you. Thats you. If you think a grown ass man cannot hang out with a female friend, that's equally you.

You think if he thought it was inappropriate and risky he would do it 'in public?' Get with Kpop Idol dating culture. Lmho.

Do you know the lengths they go through to keep their relationships a secret? Especially non celebrity girlfriends? Chen from EXO got married and where is his wife? They keep their flings tighter than Trump keeps his toupee on his head. Lol.

They hide them not out of shame but out of love and the need to protect their loved ones. These idols have family members who have their restaurants and businesses shut down because they want to keep their privacy.

You think JungKook's girlfriend would- on her own, issue a statement regarding a scandal that Jungkook's agency had specifically directed her and her shop to keep quiet about and lay low till it blew away on its own? And later, started liking couple posts about her and JK? If they were dating, certainly JK would have dumped her after that move. In my opinion.

You think JK would let his fandom drag the person he is in a relationship with to the extent she loses her Job- when in his Itaewon gay pub scandal BigHit referred to the issue as his private affair immediately it happened? They could have kept the same energy with her, no?

They handled his gay pub scandal much better, with much respect and consideration for his privacy- if he dated her sorry but she mustn't have meant much to him at all. And if I were her I would have dumped him for that shit and not stay liking couple posts about us. Damn- But do you.

Taehyung was in a scandal with a girl too- did you see her liking posts and shit and going out of her way to do the most? Did you see how BigHit handled that scandal?

Nothing wrong if JK is 'dating' her or had 'dated' her and whatever person he decides he wants to be in a relationship with I will support him- that's why I support Jikook.

But your opinion is equally valid my guy. Just don't call me a charlatan for mine. You believe they dated, I believe they didn't- and to your impressionable young minds, I hope you are not selling them anything contrary to BigHit and JK's statement. That would be very irresponsible of you. Lol.

What else did you say?

Oh postulating without evidence...

Next time I write a theory based on my observations about Jikook, remind me to break off a piece of my brain and attach it to it- I guess that way people would finally understand when I say things like 'I think' 'in my opinion' 'I feel' 'I believe' that these are just my thoughts and opinions and not facts.

Let me leave you with this:

Peace and kindness. Namaste.

Signed,

GOLDY.

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jokertrap-ran · 3 years

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(未定事件簿) 莫弈 [剧情: 第2章] [Tears of Themis] Mo Yi Private Story Translations (Chapter 2-7)

*Tears of Themis Masterlist / Mo Yi’s Masterlist / Mobile Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Mo Yi’s Private Story tag is #Tears of a Personal Psychiatrist. *Chapter 1 can be viewed here!

Location: Mo's Mental Health Research Center

After confirming Li Yu's identity, Mo Yi rejected my request to continue taking part in the investigation.

MC: Why!?

MC: It wasn't easy for us to get this far, Dr. Mo! There's no way I can just give up on this so easily!

Mo Yi: …...

But Mo Yi only continued staring at me in silence, a thoughtful look on his face.

Mo Yi: ...Before we put this discussion on the table, please answer me this honestly: Have the PUAs come to you for revenge?

MC: Oh...No… They haven't; why do you ask…?

His sudden question caught me by surprise. I hurriedly avoided his eyes, pretending not to understand his question.

Mo Yi: I'm supposing that the "spam message" you received the other day was actually an SMS they'd sent as harassment.

Mo Yi: And recently, the actions that these people have been taking have been getting more and more aggressive; essentially having even affected your daily life to a certain extent.

Mo Yi: That's why you said they were "arrogant"; am I right?

MC: !!!

MC: ...Nothing gets past you after all.

I couldn’t help but to sigh, deciding to come clean about everything that I’d been hiding from him recently.

MC: Yeah. Some PUAs have been verbally harassing me with threats lately.

Mo Yi: When did this start?

MC: Probably not long after the “Anti-PUA” Club turned into a mutual aid group. Someone had suddenly added me as a friend one day.

MC: They asked if I was the Lawyer who’d helped Lin Yunyun, and I thought that they were also a fellow victim, so I replied in the affirmative; but in the end...

I couldn’t stop all the many different sorts of harassment messages that I’d received recently from popping back up in my mind at the thought of it.

Those messages, not fit to be shown to anyone at all, were always sent to my phone at fixed timings. There were countless, so many that I could never delete them all even if I tried. It gradually became a personal living hell of nightmares.

MC: There were only a few people who did it sporadically at first, so blacklisting and blocking them worked like a charm; but then the number of people doing it increased...

MC: Why do they always choose to bombard people during sleeping hours!? Don’t these people need sleep too!?

However, I’d failed to notice how Mo Yi’s face was twisting itself into an increasingly unsightly look at this moment in time.

Mo Yi: ...Why didn’t you tell me? How were you planning to put up with this alone, if I hadn’t asked today?

MC: Well… It wasn’t anything big at all. They only sent me a couple of unpleasant texts, and it didn’t really cause a big impact on me or anything like that.

MC: Anyway, let’s not talk about this anymore and get back on the topic of how to continue our investigation. I—

Mo Yi: I apologize, but my stand is still the same; it’ll be for the best if you don’t take part in the upcoming course of action.

MC: ……

Mo Yi: ……

That was how Mo Yi and I faced each other in a stand-off; neither of us saying anything, neither of us willing to back down.

The air came to a stand-still, the damning silence that would make anyone hold their breaths accompanied by the faint scent of “gunpowder”, as figurative sparks filled the air.

MC: Then, could you tell me a reason why I should not? I can’t give up on this just because you tell me to, Dr. Mo.

Mo Yi: ……

Mo Yi: I have three reasons for this.

Mo Yi: Firstly, although Li Yu’s story was created from one big patchwork, Wang Chen is still an experienced PUA, from what we can glimpse from the credible parts of her story.

Mo Yi: I cannot allow you to interact with him alone, considering how you’ve not received the relevant training.

Mo Yi: Secondly, although our actions have not been fully exposed yet, the fact that the other party retaliated against you means that they’ve already got their eye on you.

Mo Yi: If this goes any further, it will only escalate; and when the time comes, it won’t just be merely verbal words of threat.

Mo Yi: They will attempt to break through your psychological defenses from all angles, thus, endangering your very life itself.

Mo Yi: And lastly…

He placed the teacup in his hands down, his gaze dropping to my face, an inexplicable emotion within his golden orbs.

Mo Yi: Just what’s in your mind, as you do these things?

Mo Yi: Is it to uphold justice? To deter the other members of the PUA Group? Or is it to save all of the girls who’ve been harmed by it?

Mo Yi: Can you really do all of this?

Mo Yi: Even if we did settle this matter with Li Yu along with all the other people backing her, there’ll still be other PUA Groups in this world who lurk in the dark.

Mo Yi: They’ll continue hunting girls, and even go so far as to treat you as a right thorn in their side, using various methods to retaliate against you to no ends.

Mo Yi: And at the very end of it all, not only will you fail to protect others; You might also very well be unable to protect yourself.

Mo Yi: This fairness and justice you seek might not be able to see the light at all.

Mo Yi: Now, with all that considered; are you still willing to continue on?

He waited quietly for my answer after finishing.

He had a look of utter seriousness on his face, so focused he was. However, the corners of his eyes and his eyebrows still presented the same calm he’d always displayed. Hence, I couldn’t tell just what exactly was going through his head.

But none of these mattered anymore. I don’t even need to think to answer this question of his.

MC: Of course. Even so, I still wish to continue as usual.

Mo Yi: Why?

MC: You just asked me what’s in my mind as I do this, right? I’m actually not thinking of anything at all; no thoughts, head empty.

MC: I’ve never held onto any pipedreams, nor have I ever thought of using this PUA Group to go fight against the other PUAs.

MC: Granted, trying to rescue all the girls who’ve been victimized is an even bigger delusion.

MC: I’m only trying to do what I can as one, ordinary, Lawyer.

MC: That being said, there’s one thing that I know for certain. And that is that I cannot ignore the crimes that appear before me.

MC: I cannot allow the group that’s backing Li Yu to go scot-free, let alone allow them to challenge law and threaten justice as they so wish to.

Mo Yi: You...

MC: Secondly, you said that I “cannot protect others”; but there isn’t only just one fixed way of protection.

MC: Don't all the girls in Lin Yunyun's mutual aid group learn a lot about all sorts of things pertaining to PUA?

MC: All that's requires is for one of those girls to understand these through what I've done; so that they'll keep their guards up and watch out for these things.

MC: If so, then everything I've done up till today have already served some sort of purpose in protecting them.

MC: And lastly, about their cars if revenge…

I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes at the mere thought of those less than savory messages I'd received.

MC: I've already been prepared to face all sorts of people, who come up with all sorts of retaliation methods, since day one of being a Lawyer.

MC: But if really does come down to the point where it gets as serious as you've described, then that's when I'll wield the Law as my weapon and protect my own rights.

MC: The road to justice will always be a rocky one, but no one can stop me so long as I refuse to give up.

Mo Yi: ……

I blurted out everything that I had in my mind, even forgetting to check just what sort of expression Mo Yi currently wore.

It was only until I had regained my bearings that I looked back up at him. He was still looking at me with a serious look on his face, yet his eyes were like that of stormy seas.

Mo Yi: You… You’re really different from everyone else.

He suddenly laughed.

MC: What are you laughing about, Dr. Mo?

Mo Yi: Nothing. I’m just feeling slightly fortunate, and a little happy.

MC: Fortunate? Happy?

Mo Yi: Yes. Fortunate, that I chose to stay back then; and happy, because… I met you.

Mo Yi: You always never fail to surprise me.

MC: ……

He spoke slowly, but that didn't fail to impede the strength and impact that each word brought.

It was almost as if he had just conveyed some sort of inexplicable feeling to me through mere words. It was hot, yet full of possessiveness, almost engulfing me whole.

MC: Does this mean that… I can take part in the continuing investigations?

I hurriedly changed the subject upon seeing how the air around us was starting to turn increasingly warmer.

Mo Yi: Do I have any other reason to be denying you?

MC: Great! Then let’s hurry and get started!

MC: Do you need me to contact Wang Chen? Are we still going to be using our previous tactic?

Mo Yi: Don’t rush, for starters. I’ve got even better ideas.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

Previous Part: (Chapter 2-6) | Next Part: (Chapter 2-8)

#Tears of Themis #Mo Yi #Translations #Otome #Mihoyo #未定事件簿 #莫弈 #Private Story #Tears of a Personal Psychiatrist

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alipeeps · 3 years

Text

New tag game: Post pictures of your first ever (fictional/celeb) crush to the latest one and tag five others to continue the game

Thanks to @minmoyu for tagging me and ooof, are you sure you’re ready for this?!! :D I have been around/in fandom for a loooooong time and at first I thought, okay, no way I can list all my crushes, there have been SO many and we’ll be here all day but then as I started compiling a list I found I was having fun reminiscing and decided, what the heck, yeah, let’s do em all... or at least all I can remember! :D

There have absolutely for sure been other more minor crushes and passing fancies along the way, but these are the big ones that I remember (and that, in more recent years, I can track by going through my posted fanfics on AO3 and even *shudder* FFNET and seeing which shows I was into enough to want to write fic about the characters).

[Quick note: with rare exceptions, for actors I am listing them by the character they played rather than just the actor. Whilst there are actors that I like in multiple roles (and conversely, characters who on paper I would normally be into but are played by actors who do nothing for me, and hence the character generally does nothing for me either), for the most part it is the character I really have the crush on.]

I’m going to put this under a readmore cos it has gotten ridiculously long:

So... without further ado:

1. MORTEN HARKET from a-ha - OKay so, dating myself badly here but... I had the *biggest* crush on Morten Harket when I was a teenager. Pretty much the entirety of my side of the bedroom I shared with my sister was covered in posters of a-ha, and Morten in particular. I even had a heart-shaped Morten Harket pillow! :D I loved a-ha’s music (still do!) and I wanted to go see them in concert when I was 14 but my parents wouldn’t let me (*sob*). I did finally get to see them in concert in the early 2000s and they were BRILLIANT live (and Morten was still very very pretty)!

2. RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON as MACGYVER - MacGyver is the first tv character I remember being really into and having a crush on, to the extent that I would record episodes of the show off the tv (onto VHS tape - yes, I am *that* old!) so that I could rewatch them (especially the ones where he got hurt - yeah, I was a whumper even then! :D)

3. KEIFER SUTHERLAND - One of my rare exceptions. I think I first saw him in Lost Boys (and loved him in that film) but it was his role as Doc Scurlock in Young Guns that really made me fall for both the character and him. I definitely remember seeking out any and all films he was in and buying any magazine he was interviewed in (and knowing far more facts about him than was probably healthy! :D) and even drawing a fanart portrait of him. :)

4. KYLE MACLACHLAN as SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER - I remember hearing about Twin Peaks before it started airing in the UK and it sounded so different and interesting... I watched it from the very first episode and very quickly developed a crush on Coop.

5. BRENT SPINER as DATA - I think ST: TNG had been airing for a while before I stumbled across it but I quickly became hooked and Data was my favourite character right from the start. I definitely remember at one point buying an (unofficial) episode guide book so that I could look up which episodes were good Data-focused ones (especially ones where he got hurt! :D) so I could go out and buy the videos that had those episodes on (at the time the show was available to buy on VHS-tape with 2 episodes on each tape).

6. DAVID DUCHOVNY as FOX MULDER - Another show that I heard the buzz about and started watching right from the start and, like so many others, I immediately developed a crush on the snarky, enigmatic, troubled FBI agent with the weird name. The X-Files was the first show I ever tried writing (one, never-finished) fanfic for.

7. PAUL GROSS as BENTON FRASER - Man, Due South was such a good show! It was so quirky and clever and funny and Benton Fraser, with his huge heart and his serious demeanour and his gorgeous blue eyes, was just so darn attractive! He also got whumped a fair bit too! :D Due South was also the show that introduced me to the music of Sarah McLachlan (I was enough of a fan that I bought the show soundtrack on CD).

8. HUGH LAURIE as DR GREGORY HOUSE - This was a bit of an odd one for me because I had grown up knowing Hugh Laurie solely as a comedian/comic actor, known mostly for playing buffoons and genial idiots. And suddenly here he was with stubble, an American accent, and a limp, and he was hawt AF! :D It caused quite the feedback loop in my brain for a while which pretty much went “Wow, House is hot.... but it’s Hugh Laurie... but he’s hot... but it’s HUGH LAURIE!!1!”

I *loved* House (the first few seasons, at least) and oof a character with persistent pain (and a self-destructive streak a mile wide!) was a whumper’s dream. House was the first show for which I wrote - and published online - completed fanfics.

8. JOE FLANIGAN as JOHN SHEPPARD - Stargate Atlantis was my first proper online fandom, the first show I prolifically and repeatedly wrote fanfic for, and the first time I ever met in person an actor I was a big fan of (and while the show was still airing, to boot!). It was also my first introduction to the online community of whumpers! A bunch of us from the Shep Whump thread on Gateworld heard that Joe was going to be at a convention in London and we decided to book hotel rooms and meet up and go to the convention together and it was AWESOME! I can still remember seeing Joe *in person* for the first time and just,,,, struggling to believe he was actually here, in person, in front of me! He was super super lovely and humble too and took time to chat to everyone at the signing table and I clearly remember my brain just pretty much fritzing out during the photo session and being intensely aware of the sensation of Joe’s hand on my shoulder....

It was also super lovely to meet fellow fans, and online friends, in person for the first time and we had so much fun, and it kickstarted me going to lots of other conventions, including specific Stargate/SGA ones where I got to know lots of other lovely fans and online friends. I’ve met Joe about 4 or 5 times in total now and he’s been lovely every time.

9. PAUL BLACKTHORNE as HARRY DRESDEN - Gosh I loved the shortlived tv adaptation of The Dresden Files. I loved the fantasy aspect, the stories, the humour, and I especially loved Harry Dresden and how often he got whumped! :D

10. DAVID TENNANT as THE 10TH DOCTOR - I had watched the Christopher Ecclestone revival of Doctor Who and enjoyed it well enough but I can clearly remember watching David Tennant’s first episode as The Doctor - on Christmas Day, at my brother-in-law’s house - and being aware, as I watched it that... ooookay, yes, I’m in trouble here... I like him... I like him a lot... :D I mean, I’m sure the fact that he got whumped so thoroughly in his very first episode had nothing to do with how quickly I fell for him... right? :)

11. ALEX O’LAUGHLIN as MICK ST JOHN - Another show that ended far too soon and just as it was getting *seriously* good. But also a prime example of my point about having a crush on the character not the actor. I looooooved Alex as Mick St John... and yet in Hawaii 5.0 he pretty much does nothing for me (the character is too stoic and the whump often too unrealistically glossed over). Anyway, in Moonlight he was my favourite kind of character - angsty, brooding, dangerous AF when he needed to be... and essentially immortal so you could whump the heck out of him and he’d recover so you could whump him again! :D

12. SIMON BAKER as PATRICK JANE - There is so much to love about Patrick Jane... his smarts, his sass, his angst... and Simon is a rare “against type” blonde crush for me (you may have noticed by now that most of my crushes follow a similar physical aesthetic - tall, slim/wiry, and dark-haired) and again here I think my crush is almost all to do with the character rather than the actor.

12. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH as SHERLOCK HOLMES - I’m almost ashamed to admit it, given the clusterfuck that both the show and its fandom became, but in the earlier seasons I had quite the crush on Benedict’s Sherlock (and okay, a little bit on Benedict himself - I did definitely enjoy some of his other roles too). It helps that I was already a huge fan of the Sherlock Holmes character (I’ve read all the stories and novels multiple times and was a big fan of the Granada adaptation starring Jeremy Brett - whose Holmes would definitely count as one of my more minor/passing crushes) already. Benedict is another crush that I have met in person, at a (actually, the first!) Sherlock convention and he was lovely in person - very genuine, very articulate and thoughtful.

13. TOM MISON as ICHABOD CRANE - I was excited for Sleepy Hollow as soon as I heard about it and I was SUCH a fan for the first couple of seasons (before TPTB completely destroyed it and it inevitably got cancelled (I didn’t even watch the last season and a half)) and Tom’s Ichabod (and his amazing chemistry with Nicole’s Abbie) was a large part of why. I also quickly became a big fan of Tom himself as he came across as so witty and self-deprecating and *fun* in all the behind the scenes/convention clips etc. I was lucky enough to also meet Tom at a convention and he genuinely is that witty and charming and lovely.

14. TOM WISDOM as ARCHANGEL MICHAEL - I think Dominion was possibly the first show that I got sucked into by seeing whumpy gifsets on tumblr! :D It was such a great show and also to date the most immersive, welcoming, cast-and-crew-interactive fandom I have ever been in. The cast and crew regularly live-tweeted the episodes, and interacted with fans on Twitter, and it was SO much fun. And Tom’s Michael was my favourite character right from the start - seemingly aloof but so much going on under the surface... and some really nice whump, especially in season 2! I was heartbroken when it was cancelled after only 2 seasons (and just as the plot was getting *really* interesting).

15. OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN as LUCAS - I was hooked on Emerald City right from the first episode. It was visually stunning, so atmospheric, and really intruiging. I love love loved Adria Arjona’s Dorothy (ngl, I had a bit of a crush on her too) and she and Lucas together were just... *chef’s kiss*. I mean... what an introduction to a character... she finds him crucified, bleeding, his wrists tied with barbed wire, and amnesiac.... and the whump only gets better and better from there on in! Like the entire first two episodes are just... Lucas whump! :D And his devotion to her... Emerald City was honestly the first show where I really got into a ship. I was *invested* in Dorcas, dammit! Aaaand sadly another excellent show that never made it past its first season.

16. JASON RALPH as QUENTIN COLDWATER - Another show that I watched right from the start, was heavily invested in.... and that the writers absolutely tanked and destroyed in later seasons. *cries* Quentin was such a brilliant viewpoint character for the show and I loved his awkwardness, and his angst, and his enthusiasm, and his adorable floppy hair... and how often he got whumped!

17. COLIN MORGAN - I fell for Colin in Merlin (which I stumbled upon late, long after it had finished airing, and hence was able to binge-watch the entire 5 seasons!) and liked him enough to seek out his other works, such as The Fall, and Humans, and The Living and the Dead, and he was brilliant (and very pretty) in all of them... and his characters also seem to get whumped quite a lot! :D

18. MATT LANTER as WYATT LOGAN - Wyatt was another of my favourite archetypes... absolutely badass and competent... but also tortured and angsty and capable of intense devotion. Another show that I watched because of whumpy gifs on tumblr and the second ever show where I actually got invested in a ship - Lyatt all the way, baby!! :D - aaaaaand yet another show cancelled before its time.

19. NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM from FINAL FANTASY XV - my very first video game crush! I was recommended to play FFXV by fellow whumpers on the whumpshire discord because it was whumpy... and they were not wrong and I loved the game and I absolutely adored Noctis. FFXV is one of very very VERY few video games that I have actually played right through to the end. And possibly the only video game that has ever affected me to such an extent... I became so invested in the characters and their world and I actually found the last couple of chapters really hard to play because it was actually upsetting me emotionally. I had to take a break for a couple of weeks before I could go back and finish it!

20. CONNOR from DETROIT BECOME HUMAN - and from there I jumped straight into another video game crush! DBH was another game recommended to me for its whump potential and I, and many others, immediately fell in love with the quirky, sassy, self-sacrificing (if you play the game right!) “android sent by Cyberlife”. The game itself is really good too... although, I have tried to play through all the different endings to the story but have never yet managed to make myself play the machine Connor storyline.... I want to complete all the story branches... but I also just want Hank and Connor to be friends and to be happy! :D

21. ZHU YILONG - Ahhh... the beginning of the asian drama arc of my fandom life! I first came across Zhu Yilong after getting sucked into watching Guardian because of pretty (and whumpy) gifs on tumblr... and I’ve never looked back. He is one of the rare entries where I am pretty much guaranteed to like him in pretty much anything he does and my crush extends beyond Shen Wei, or his other characters, and into reblogging his fashion shoot photos, and keeping up with news of his work in general. He’s just... so darn pretty! And also so... blur! :D And the behind the scenes stuff and interviews of him with Bai Yu, during the Guardian era, just made me fall for him all the more. He’s also ridiculously talented - not only a fantastic actor, but a really good singer (I love his singing voice), he plays guitar and piano, and he can paint too!!

He’s also pretty much what made me start learning Chinese... because after Guardian I went seeking his other dramas to watch... only to find that many of them are only partially, or not at all, subbed. So I thought... why not try learning Chinese and then I’ll be able to watch his other shows? :D

21. JI CHANG WOOK - My first kdrama crush, and what a good one to start with! Healer was the first drama I ever watched and can you blame me for falling for JCW... especially when I followed up Healer with The K2?! I’ve liked him in pretty much everything I’ve watched him in. Although I do wish he would go back to doing more action-based shows as he is sooo good at them... but he seems to prefer the romcom genre these days, which is something I am nottt always a fan of tbh.

22. JAKE HSU as MENG SHAO FEI - Yet another show that I got sucked into by tumblr - and also one with a great, fun fandom through which I met lots of lovely people who I still follow/am mutuals with to this day. I just *adored* Jake’s character in History and I also loved the ship - Tang Fan and Meng Shaofei were awesome and adorable together and I was totally invested in both the ship and the gangster/cop/what happened years ago story happening alongside the ship. And Jake is just all kinds of cute.

23. XIAO ZHAN - Aaaand we are pretty much up to current day now... where The Untamed took over my life in the summer of 2019 and has yet to let me go. Xiao Zhan is another disgustingly talented human being - a fantastic singer and a really good actor, and also an artist - and he also just comes across as a genuinely sweet and charming person, and a very thoughful and earnest one too. And lbr he is ridiculously pretty, and his smile is just pure sunshine.

24. LEE DONG WOOK as LEE YEON - The most recent entry to the charts.... a Korean actor I was aware of but whose work I hadn’t watched and whose looks didn’t particularly seem to grab me... until I watched Tale of the Nine Tailed and fell head over heels for Lee Yeon (and daaayum does red hair suit LDW!!) and very quickly began to find LDW’s looks very appealing (and oh my, does Lee Yeon whump well!!). And yes, I have now started watching Goblin. :D

Phew! Aaaand we are done! I’ll admit, I did think of a few more as I was compiling this list but I decided to categorise them as more “minor” crushes and not include them... otherwise we really could be here all day!!

I’m going to tag: @sarah-yyy, @arlothia, @howdydowdy, @thepromiseweheldforlife and @the-wandering-whumper!

#meme #fandom #crushes

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seapandora · 4 years

Text

Sky High, Part 2

Part 1

Steve x fem!reader

A/N: So here is part 2 of Sky High. A little more dialougue and we´re gonna get to know more characters and such as we go. I loved writing up the end of this chapter, and I´m looking forward to more. @buckysknifecollection

Of course, GIF-credit to owner!

Warnings: Swearing (I swear a lot, okay), sexual innuendos (later chapters), alcohol, mentions of death/killing, mentions of religion(s)

Words: 2020

Y/N – your name

Y/H/N – your hair colour

Y/E/C – your eye colour

The Captain and James had stayed away from Y/N, which was good for them of course. She had been in no mood to talk to anyone, especially not any demons. She had only stayed shortly at the bar before she got to the place where she was sleeping. As confusing as it may be, there are many worlds out there and space in between them, where only certain creatures can exist. These worlds and the space between them have many names. Realm is a common name for them, and for this purpose, it fits quite well. Heaven was a realm. Hell too. Earth was also its own realm. Quite confusing for sure.

Natashas´ bar was in a realm called Wi. Technically Natasha was the ruler of that realm and she decided who could get in and who couldn’t. She had made it a safe-haven for angels and demons and the two species were also the only two that could get in. Y/N never slept in Wi. She trusted Natasha, but she didn’t trust the others who passed through, which is why she was now staying in the realm of Rowor. The home of her beloved Sofwas. They were the only species in their realm, and the elder wouldn’t let just anybody in. Their system of entry was based on runes. Runes you either got from the Sofwas or obtained “illegally”.

Y/N now had her personalized rune from the Sofwas, but the first time she was supposed to visit their realm she had to go to the brothers to get her rune. She loved the brothers. The blonde, beefy one was loud and was always making jokes, while his brother, the tall raven-haired magician was quiet and brooding. No matter what mood Y/N was in she could find someone to talk to between the two brothers. They also happened to have rune magic. That means they know runes and which allows you to travel there. It´s mostly an in-and-out rune, to get you to a realm and back. They weren´t cheap, luckily Y/N wasn’t paying for it herself. The Lady was, even if The Lady didn’t quite know what she was paying for.

You see, rune magic isn´t exactly legal… runes were supposed to be sacred and only known by the keeper of the realms. Of course, that had never worked, and smuggling was a big part of some species' survival. In that case, they needed runes, and the illegal market was the only option. The brothers were the only ones dealing with runes. They were gods and Y/Ns boss Maria, couldn’t exactly do anything about them. Their names you ask, well I think you know. Thor and Loki of course.

Y/Ns personalized rune had left her not having to interact with the brothers lately and she sort of missed them. They were the closest to friends she could have. Sure the other angels, but they were family. It was different. She would have to visit them soon enough if she only knew where they were at the moment. Oh well, that was a well-rested Y/Ns problem for tomorrow. Now she needed sleep among the Sofwas. Sofwas were tactile creatures, and Y/N didn’t mind as she appreciated their company and was the being they prayed to. She would do anything for them, they kept her alive, after all.

The Sofwas happily met up with her as she came across the bridge to the little town where they lived. They climbed up her legs, being only 2 inches tall, and hung on to her arms and shoulders as they showed her pictures of their day. Showed their pictures as in how Reneesme does it in Breaking Dawn part 2, only cooler. It was a little hard to keep the stories separated but Y/N managed quite well. She had known them all for a long time and could recognize them on the pattern they showed pictures in. They were non-verbal but understood her when she spoke to them.

Sofwalings, young Sofwas, asked Y/N about her latest adventures and whether she was staying for a long time. Y/N couldn´t talk about her missions and she wasn’t sure how long she could stay. She wanted to stay forever. It was the closest she had to a home. Y/N was lead by the sofwalings to the most central house in the village where the old Lady of the town came out to greet them. Y/N fell to her knees immediately and stretched out her two hands for the lady to climb upon. The other sofwas jumped off her as a sign of respect. Y/N brought her hands to her face and let the lady place her small hands on Y/Ns forehead. She was shown pictures of food, a bed, and a sunset and she smiled softly.

“Madam. I thank you, with all of my being for your kindness. It shall be an honor to stay here.” Y/N said softly. She had the voice of an angel but only used it in Rowor. The Sofwas cheered and Y/N gently sat the madam down on the ground and helped her back to her little house. Y/N herself was led to the outskirts where they had set up a canopy made from beige linen over a well-padded mattress with pillows. It was all to size for Y/N, of course. It was the sight where they would worship Y/N and the peace she brings.

Laid out on a table were food and drinks for her. She truly felt appreciated and cared for. She thanked the Sofwa´s who had guided her and sat down by the table to eat. She ate in her loneliness, but it had never bothered her. She wasn´t exactly a creature with needs and hence didn’t need social contact to feel okay or survive. She didn’t necessarily need food either, but her Wessel worked better if she got food and sleep.

A burning sensation in her left hand startled her but she quickly realized it was Maria wishing to come in contact with her. Angels often called it the scorching mark, but Y/N called it an annoyance. She looked at her hand and let out a loud groan as she saw it was the rune for the realm which held Earth, Midgard. She decided to ignore it for now and finished up her meal. She cleaned up after herself with a quick wave of her hand before she headed over to the mattress.

Y/N laid down and looked up at the canopy. She flicked her hand again and the scene above her changed into the Crab Nebula. Y/N didn’t know a lot about what humans called astrology but she liked colors and she liked the peaceful nature of the big, quiet space, that they all were a part of, even if they were in different realms. She fell asleep under the stars and forgot all about Marias' mission and humans.

Angels don´t dream. Well, they don’t until they find their one, their soulmate. Y/N didn’t believe in soulmates. She had lived for many lifetimes and yet hadn´t found hers. What was the point in that, she often asked herself, if she did indeed have a soulmate. Why was she supposed to wait for millennia for hers? It sucked. But again, she didn’t believe it… she didn’t have to bother with it, so why did another dreamless night bother her.

She sat up wide awake to silence that was suitable for a realm in which the inhabitants communicated by pictures instead of words. Y/N rubbed at her eyes and groaned softly to herself as she tried to rub the tiredness away. She wanted more sleep. She stretched her arms upward and checked her palm. The sign was still there and Y/N knew she had to handle it. It was her job, her sentence, her punishment.

Midgard… Y/Ns personal hell. We´ve been through this. Y/N hates humans and earth. She got herself ready for transportation. The place that came to her mind was Española Way in Miami, which meant that was where her mission was. She groaned to herself but transferred there without fuzz. Maria could at least have ruined a street like Hollywood Boulevard for Y/N, instead of THE food-street of Miami Beach.

The landing wasn’t a pleasant experience, at least not for those around. Angels landed in bolts of lightning and were always accompanied by thunderstorms and hard rain. It didn’t hurt the angel but could scare anyone around them. To some extent, the angel could adjust the effects of their landing. Y/N, for example, concentrated to not land with thunder when she landed in Rowor. On earth, it was a very different thing. Y/N landed with it all, that way she could scare whoever her mission was and make them an easier target. That’s what she did now.

And there she was. The mission. A woman in her 30s was watching Y/N, whos hair was flowing in the aftermath of the lightning. Y/ns eyes were also shining blue, she stood out from the crowd. Exactly her point. The woman began to run. Y/N followed her at a slower pace. She would catch up, and she was in no rush.

~ four hours later ~

“Hello!” Y/N said as Lorraine entered the apartment she had been renting for the past few months. “I´ve heard you´ve been a little busy… trading angels and weapons… Care to explain yourself before I zap you outta here?” Y/N asked and smiled sweetly as she cleaned her nails with her angel-blade. “Not that I care, I´ll zap you either way.” She continued and shrugged as she looked at the terrified Lorraine.

“Oh… You didn’t expect your maker to come after you, did you? Well, let me tell you a little secret. She doesn’t like it when you trade with her angels, and weapons that can kill her. She doesn’t like it when you go against her word.” Y/N whispered as she made her way over to Lorraine.

Lorraine stepped back, still too afraid to speak. Y/N sighed softly, “No? You don’t want to talk? That’s too bad, I was hoping you´d be up for a chat.” She said and quickly pierced Lorraine´s body with the blade. “Why do you all have to be so very boring.” She groaned and looked down at the body which was now laying in front of her on the floor.

Y/N looked up as she heard someone step through the door. It was a tall, blonde, man, well demon. It was The Captain. “What are you doing here?” She asked and grabbed her blade from Lorraines' body as she got ready for an attack. “You killed the human?!? What´s wrong with you angels always killing and never asking questions?” The Captain all but screamed at her. “Jesus, you woke up on the wrong side.” She said and frowned a bit. “Maria wanted her, I´m just following orders, now if you´ll excuse me I have to get this soul to her for interrogation.” Y/N said and bent down by the body ready to transfer to wherever Maria was.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t quick enough. She felt The Captain grab hold of her arm and looked up as they both transferred away. Now, transfers aren´t supposed to work with two `living` creatures. They had to transfer on their own. Y/N had never transferred with another before and it wasn’t pleasant.

Y/N recoiled and she landed on her back with a thud. It was light but cold. She was on some sort of gravel and she groaned as she sat up and looked over to see The Captain on his back. She was hoping the transfer had harmed him as much as it had hurt her, or more. She grabbed her angel blade and made herself ready. She looked around a bit and audibly groaned with annoyance as she didn’t see the body of Lorraine anywhere.

The Captain had not only hurt her, but he had also made Y/N fail a mission for the first time. She was going to enjoy killing the demon she now had in front of her.

#Steve Rogers #steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #seapandoraswritings #angel/demon au #captain america #fanfiction #fanfic #Avengers #avengers fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction

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warrioreowynofrohan · 4 years

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Break down: Galadriel

Oh, Galadriel’s a fascinating character. I don’t think I’m alone in the fandom in preferring Tolkien’s earlier versions of her, where she was more flawed, over her later ones. It’s a much more interesting story if she matures over time rather than always having been perfect.

I think, from the Second Age onward, she somewhat misread the idea of her ‘exile’. At the time when she decided not to return to Valinor, she still wanted realms and rulership of her own. My reading is that she had to choose what she wanted - she could stay in Middle-earth and be a ruler, or she could return, but she had to make that choice. And at the moment Frodo offered her the Ring and she refused it - accepted the loss and fading of her realm rather than taking up the ring and becoming the ruler of Middle-earth - she made that choice decisively, and from that moment she was able to return to Valinor. She just didn’t know it yet, hence her fear that she had given up hope of preserving Lothlórien but would still not be allowed to return. She was never being punished - she was just being told “you want two incompatible things and you’re going to have to decide between them”.

This is the best interpretation I can find to explain how she could both be doubtful of whether she would be allowed to return to Valinor and have enough sway once in Valinor to get Gimli, a mortal, admitted to Valinor on the sole grounds that he was a friend of hers and she’d like it. It’s beyond unprecedented! The only other mortals admitted were the Ring-bearers!

On another note, I think she really enjoyed the end of the War of the Ring. Everyone was happy about the downfall of Sauron, of course, but for Galadriel we’re talking about a three-ages-long grudge. This is the guy who murdered her big brother!

OTP: Galadriel/Celeborn. I go with the canon relationships.

Favourite non-romantic relationship: I do like her relationship with Gimli a lot, and yes, I’m classing that as ‘non-romantic’. It’s interesting to me that, although the language used is one of beauty, it’s beauty being used as a proxy, or a symbolic stand-in, for virtue. What makes Gimli admire her isn’t her appearance, it’s that she speaks to him in his language and validates his culture and its meaning and worthiness. All of Gimli’s disagreements with Legolas up to that point (as well as his interactions with the elves of Lothlorien) have been so characterized by defensiveness - We’re not the bad guys here, we’re not worse than you, we’re not untrustworthy - and having Galadriel agree that his culture is something to be valued and admired and that that they created beautiful things just breaks down those walls.

Unpopular opinions: As intriguing as the idea is, I really can’t square the idea of her fighting on the side of the Teleri at Alqualondë with the rest of the events in the Silmarillion. It doesn’t make sense that she would do that and then still be willing to use the stolen ships, and it would make for very, very strained relationships if she and Fingon were both taking leadership roles in the Crossing of the Helcaraxë despite having fought on opposite sides.

But I can believe that she was exceptionally angry with her cousins and moved to Doriath early in the First Age in part to avoid them, and chose to some extent to self-identify as Telerin/Sindar.

I think she left Beleriand and went east over the mountains at some point during the Long Peace, mostly because I want her to have been absent during the Leithian; it fits better for me than her having done absolutely nothing while her brother was imprisoned and killed by wolves.

Also, the names/characteristics of the elven-rings bug me to the point that I’m tempted to take it as authorial error. Elrond’s ring is blue, sapphire, and the only sense of its powers that we get - raising the Bruinen against the Nazgûl - identifies it with water. It should be Nenya, Ring of Water. Galadriel’s ring is clear, adamant, and guards the borders of her realm as some generalized barrier against evil; it should be Vilya, Ring of Air. But it’s the other way round.

(I do like @arrivisting’s idea of the three rings initially being identified with the three houses of Finwë, though.)

Something I wish had/did happen with them in canon: Well, it did happen, but I wish we got to see it. I’m very attached to her reuniting with all of her family (parents, brothers, daughter) again when she returned to Valinor. She must have missed everyone very much.

#tolkien #the lord of the rings #the silmarillion #galadriel #gimli #character asks #character thoughts

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komcrebi-moved · 4 years

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UA KIDS GO HARD! There is NO denying that. Imai Kazane is no exception!

Please, allow me to go off this time about how Kazane, holder of a CONDUIT type quirk.. can-- and with growth-- WILL go fucking HAM. Her quirk, briefly described: The ability to ABSORB, (& utilize for her own benefit), and PASS ON energy. Hence.. Conduit.;; Energy seems to be drawn to her in some fashion, at times without her even realizing her quirk has activated-- and as such, she sometimes has difficulty controlling her quirk due to it’s somewhat volatile nature. She’s practicing control and restraint everyday.

Below, I will be talking about how, with proper training and patience (& with help from the one and only one lunged, puppy dog of a teacher-- ahem. Andi Williamson--) Kazane will learn how to not only control, but use and expand on the power that has ruined her life up until now, and caused others to fear her, and write her off as not only dangerous, but as an undesirable. Kazane has a terrifying power. One capable of true Devastation at it’s peak potential, and only in due time, will she realize just how strong she truly can be. And with the expansion of her abilities and potential, she will... in time.. come to be able to harness the even the very energy from the sun itself.

Let me preface this by stating... Kazane has been mistreated, without exaggeration, ALL of her life. This is a general CONTENT WARNING for this muse to those who may read it. There will be mention of abuse, of bad home life, and of bullying and mental illness throughout her writing and interactions. That is part of her, forever.

I hold so much love for all of my characters, but let me talk about IMAI KAZANE for a hot second. My .. little, precious child. Who deserves... so much better. And so, is going to work to have so much better than she has had. She can be dark, and frightening, but there’s no mistaking that light in her heart that tells her that SHE CAN BE GOOD. She can be MORE than what others have told her she will be. More than a destroyer, or a force that only can TAKE. She’s going to GIVE it her best shot, here at UA, with the help of her friends, and her mentor, VEGAS, a young, mostly retired hero who too, is trying to be better.

In the past, her quirk has given her a lot of trouble, and it has forced her to become a loner, for fear she may accidentally hurt someone... again. And out of distrust for others due to her long-time mistreatment and the fear others hold for her ability to turn living things into a husk of what it formerly was. She has never killed anyone, but she has seriously harmed others on several occasions. Always by accident. mostly.

Something inside of her flipped like a light switch at the end of middle school. She found out her quirk was not simply VAMPIRIC, as it was originally assumed. With the discovery that she could, with some effort, RETURN energy she has leeched, she was determined to enter UA high, and to learn how to better understand her quirk as well as how to use it safely, and in a way that is useful.

‘ A vampiric quirk like that, where you only steal from others-- is something only a villain could have...’

She is determined to show that she too, someone with a frightening quirk, can be more than what the world expects of her, or assumes she can and cannot be. When she discovered by accident one day that her quirk was not what she thought it was (nor what everyone ELSE thought it was)... It opened doors she never even knew existed for her. She was terrified and overjoyed at the same time. For the first time in her life, . . . SHE HAD HOPE.

She started on her training, relentlessly practicing, overworking herself, overusing her quirk to the point she’s made herself sick on more than one occasion. Kazane was determined to change how things were for her... Because, she realized, no one else was going to do it for her. So she would not settle for less any longer. And that included her living situation with her current foster family. Overall, she will have made a momentous overhaul to her life after passing the entrance exams for UA. She passed, though just barely. Everyone was much quicker, much stronger, and knew how to use their quirk in creative ways. She wouldn’t be able to show her true strengths until the sports festival, where she will have had much more time and practice with her newfound abilities.

__ * Kazane is a troubled individual. She has been since childhood-- where most of her problems began. She has a darkness inside of her heart from her experiences in life, and it comes out most when she’s, of course, having a bad day... Or when she’s fighting. Given an enemy or opponent, Kazane has shown that she can be quite ruthless and cruel. Her hatred and anger is something she will forever carry in her heart, and she uses that to her advantage. RAGE is her motivation. Rage at her mistreatment, abuse, neglect, and the general state of the world and the suffering of herself, and other people. When she grows, it will evolve into OUTRAGE. Despite her overall quiet, calm, though melancholy demeanor-- she holds this anger in her heart like a burning coal, and stokes it to flames when necessary.

If, say, during a situation like the attack on UA-- she’s faced with a genuine enemy who wishes to do harm to her or her classmates.. She’ll go all out, and won’t hold back. If someone wants to truly hurt others, and she is faced with them, she will treat them as they treat others. She wouldn’t kill them (if she continues down the Hero route) But if she allows herself, she will become.. a rather frightening person to them, and to anyone unfortunate enough to witness her using them to lash out on. She believes that those who mistreat or hurt others for their own gain, or simply because... They Can... are truly despicable. And are deserving of punishment and any justice that may be brought upon them. She does not... and will not stand for these kinds of people-- some of the same kinds who have made her life a living hell-- to be allowed to continue to ruin the lives of others, or to cause further suffering.

Despite her frightening anger and self troubles and darkness and all... Kazane, at her core... Is Light. She has difficulty expressing herself and often sounds cold, or seems shy... But beneath it, she is kind. Or... she wants to be. She’s trying her best to be the best version of herself that she possibly can. She’s angry, and hurt, and troubled, yes. But she’s passionate and feels deeply for those who have, or are suffering. She wants to do good in the world, and to be a source of HOPE to those who need it most. Above all, she wants to be the hero she wished she had growing up. _ Kazane, while working with Andi, has improved DRASTICALLY. He encourages and supports her in ways that she has never experienced with another person. She gets angry and tired sometimes, and becomes frustrated when she doesn’t improve or understand how she could possibly do something. But with much patience, and a little help... And a little hard love, when needed... She’s able to overcome these obstacles. Andi has helped to teach Kazane to improve her overall abilities, in her quirk and in herself. He has helped improve her critical thinking, and to see through her emotions when they threaten to cloud her judgement. He uses his own experiences as examples when needed, wishing for her not to repeat any mistake that left him with life-altering consequences.

AND THEN, came the discussion that would change everything for her. It’s been discussed, analyzed, and thought through. And deemed dangerous, but worth the try... if it can be controlled. Any signs that it could possibly go haywire and bring their student to harm, and it would be stopped immediately. Though some may find it fantastical or ridiculous... The topic of discussion being... That the sun, is sometimes thought of...as a living thing.

Who’s to say that she COULDN’T harness the energy from the sun? She doesn’t need to TOUCH anything to absorb energy... So why would solar energy be any different? It’s all molecules, isn’t it? THIS will be the ultimate test for Kazane, and the ULTIMATE show of the true extent of her power. She has to meditate, build her tolerance, endurance, and concentration-- and push to the very limits of the CONTROL she holds over her own powers. And then push even beyond that. Andi has made it very clear to her, that the sun is an endless well of power she could potentially tap into. And be that as it may, it also means that it could endlessly fill her, and destroy her if her control slips for even a second.

Having too much energy, or more energy than she’s used to carrying in her body causes her great pain. Extended use of her quirk, and hoarding of excess energy if continued will eventually degrade her soft tissue, and in turn, will cause joint, tendon, and issues related to her internal organs. Having too much energy, and continuing to fill her cells with it far beyond her limits will essentially turn her into a walking atomic bomb... if she can even walk at that point. This is her OVERCHARGED state. And her most dangerous / powerful one, where if she is still conscious and capable of fighting, she can unleash powerful and devastating attacks that she otherwise would not be able to use. The downside, aside from.. you know. the sensation of every cell in her body burning, is the Uncontrolled Damage.

Because of her quirk, she actually suffers from chronic pain. She has tested her limits more than once, and it in turn, caused herself lasting damage to her joints. The issues she has are minimal at this point in her life, but if she were to continue without the use of any support items, it’s likely she may very well be through with her career by the time she’s forty.. if she can push herself that far.

#( ooc )#( imai kazane // ramblings )#long post for ts #long post #( KAZANE // INFO )#EEEEAHHHGGGGGG #IVE...HAD THIS.... in my drafts. unsure how to go about it after the initial desire to write it hgjfdgfd #BUT HERE WE ARE #honestly i just. wanted to talk about her lots uhsygdfhusjf #AND BOY HOWDY DID I EVER.!#anyway tho.... this is by no means a perfect or neat or tidy informational post about Kazane---#its .. its literally just me letting my Long Winded Bastard Syndrome go off as much as its little heart desires---#sorry if its messy or uggy or sounds cringey lmAO #TLDR THOUGH?#KAZANE IS.... A DRAMATIC... AND ANGY LITTLE THING......she has no bark but she do bite doe #THIS IS A LOT. BLESS YALLS SOUL... Whoever is into it enough to be willing to read all this business juhydghdfjg

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galaxiesinadot · 5 years

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Big Hero 6 Season 2

Okay, I just watched the City of Monsters: part 1 and 2, and I am still disappointed in the way the series is going. It feels wrong, like the creators don’t have a good grasp on any of the characters, their personalities, and their goals. It feels like they took one personality from each of the main 4 (everyone excluding Hiro and Baymax) and blew it up to an almost laughable proportion. I’m planning on explaining each of the main casts’ personalities and how they could further be developed in a later post.

Now, here are a few questions I have about the end of the City of Monsters’ arc:

What will happen to Diana?

She can’t just stay in jail and be forgotten about.

Will Liv pay for her crimes?

And before you ask, yes, she did commit a crime. She did not practice basic safety in experimentation, she made a clone (which is illegal, at least, in our universe), and she tried to blame all of what happened on something she made. I actually feel bad for Dia. She was made for a reason and was put into the world with no instructions but to save Liv, and yet she was arrested and degraded (by her own maker, no less) for doing that. I have a lot to say about how morals and justice are handled in this universe, but I won’t do it here. For now, I will say that Mel (the guy who made that invisible suit), High Voltage, and Dia should have been handled in a more just, fair, and empathetic way.

What will happen to Sycorax, and the news of what happened?

Duff Blunder simply saying, “I don’t know what happened,” does not cut it.

And lastly, where was the Karmi and Hiro relationship development?

This is going to be a bit longer. I want to first point out that I think it’s perfectly fine that a lot of people like her, and I fully support you all. However, even after seeing the finale, I couldn’t bring myself to like her. But this isn’t about exploring Karmi’s character, it’s about her relationship with Hiro. I see a lot of people saying they loved the way their development went, but I don’t see where that happened. To begin, the first time Hiro was introduced to Karmi was in:

“Issue 188”

As you all already know, she was two-faced; she only acted nice to Hiro when professor Granville was around. She frequently insulted Hiro which was mostly her saying that he wasn’t special, and that she wished he wasn’t there. I would understand this behavior if she was shown to be lacking of self-confidence or insecure, but we are shown multiple times that this wasn’t the case as she is shown to be knowledgeable and prideful (almost to an unpraiseworthy extent) of her skills and field. I would also understand this behavior if she was lacking in social skills but, again, this is not the case. We see her able to talk easily communicate with people and get along with them (i.e. Honey Lemon and Dia). Most of the things that explain her behavior (because she has no friends, she’s lonely, she was bullied before) are headcannons made by and that wouldn’t excuse her behavior. Her being young doesn’t excuse her either. Studies have shown infants able to tell right from wrong. So, all I can conclude from this is that she’s a bully.

This is fine; we’ve multiple redemption arcs of bullies who became friends with the protagonist. What really bothered me was that it was portrayed as okay, and that it was actually Hiro who needed to get over himself and make amends with Karmi. This was shown throughout this same episode with professor Granville forcing him to befriend her, and Gogo telling Hiro that he “took [Karmi’s] thing.”

I hate that they played this off as a rivalry. A rivalry has to be recognized by both parties, and it involves both people continuously rise above the other which, in turn, would cause each of those people to become a better version of themselves. This definition can not be used to explain Hiro and Karmi’s relationship. Karmi demeans Hiro until he finds a way to one-up her, and then she demeans him some more. No matter how nice he is to her, it isn’t returned (even in the latest episode, as I’ll explain).

“Failure mode”

They barely had any interaction in this episode, but it does support the fact that Karmi wants Hiro to fail as she is seen recording his project with a smile that disappears when he doesn’t fail. I know what you’re thinking, “Hiro took a picture of Karmi when she became upset about his project working.”

To this I say, “yes, he did, in retaliation, as were many of his actions throughout the series.”

“Small Hiro One”

Karmi is blatant in her criticism of Hiro. She insulted him when he couldn’t get in, and did so again when she found him with the little kids. Did Hiro insult her back? Nope. He apologized that she got kicked out.

It just angers me that she get away with this bullying with no consequences. It kind of feeds into that mentality that if a boy bullies a girl it’s wrong, but if a girl bullies a boy he just needs to suck it up and deal with it (which is what we see Hiro doing).

I’mnot going to document any more of these little interactions as they all went the same. Instead, I’ll just focus on those that are more major.

“Fanfriction”

This episode upset me the most. If someone was writing a fanfiction about how they love you, and want to kiss you, and be your partner, you would be as grossed out as Hiro. Hiro had every right to hate that fanfiction and show how uncomfortable it made him, but again, it was played off as something Hiro just needed to accept and Man-Up about. As Honey lemon put it, “she’s just having fun, Hiro. Why do you care so much?”

They all chalked it up to him being embarrassed about the crush, not that it was upsetting him and literally driving him mad. This happened all the way until the end of the episode where, when Hiro looked to them (grownups and friends) for help when Karmi hugged him, they urged him to reciprocate her feelings and give it a try.

“Big Problem”

I don’t even want to talk about this one. I hate that everyone just assumed he was jealous of Karmi when:

1. She took his spotlight. This wouldn’t have upset me as much if it hadn’t been for the reason Hiro was so bent on impressing Dia. The only way to get Tadashi’s invention out there is to set up relations with big companies who are able to expand his connections. Hiro was trying to follow Tadashi’s wish of helping people. In later episodes, Karmi states that she knew and admired Tadashi. Why didn’t she show that here. This was a missed opportunity for relationship development.

2. Dia completely dismissed Hiro’s invention and didn’t try to hear him out (anyone would be upset over this). It was even said that Dia came there for Hiro (yes, Baymax is indeed a work of combining biology and technology, hence “biotech.”)

3. Karmi, yet again, degraded Hiro who was desperately trying to regain Dia’s interest.

None of Hiro’s friends have been sticking up for him and this bothers me severely.

“Internabout”

More of the same thing. Hiro is pushed by Karmi’s high and mighty attitude over getting something he didn’t, so he does something Tadashi wouldn’t be happy about. He goes to join Krei, a man who, as Callghan put it, “cut’s corners and ignored sound science.” This is still true of Krei even in the series. Obviously, it didn’t go well for Hiro. He was talked into a contract, degraded by Krei and, when she found out, Karmi.

His friends did not try to stop him.

“Prey Date”

Karmi is shown to be angry that Hiro was hanging around the labs, and she seemed embarrassed that she be seen with him. I know a lot of people voiced happiness when she asked about Hiro, and if he was safe, but like… I would have thought she was heartless along with being a bully if she hadn’t. It was a basic thing to do. After the events she saw Hiro again, but she didn’t ask him about anything that happened (which would have been a much neded development). Instead, you guessed it, Hiro asked her how everything turned out and even complemented her skills. Karmi, despite Hiro having helped her gain access the data she needed to cure the mutants, did not reciprocate.

The episodes after this were mostly Karmi hitting (yes, hitting) and yelling at Hiro when he tried to tell her Dia was up to something. Karmi could have and should have started to trust Hiro more and believed him, especially after all their interactions thus far. This, again, was a missed opportunity.

“Nega-Globby”

Karmi insults Hiro right in front of Honey Lemon. All Honey Lemon says is that Hiro, “is actually a great person.”

No other interactions.

(Also, in a previous episode it was shown that Honey Lemon already knew the cure to Globby. Why did she need Karmi to help this time. It felt that she was forced into that situation.)

“Write Turn Here”

More of the same. Hiro is still irritated by Karmi’s obsession and everyone pretends that that’s fine and that Hiro should just brush it off (because it’s just a joke, a harmless nothing). Granville noticed Hiro’s discomfort and said nothing to Karmi. I understand that Hiro wanted to correct the falsities he was being presented by in Karmi’s fanfiction by writing his own story. It was spiteful of him, but reasonable, given the circumstances. I have seen a post in which someone said that you shouldn’t write something out of spite. In reality, that’s how a lot of great stories came to be.

City of Monsters: part 1 and 2

After everything I wrote here you can see why I would say this “friendship” seemed to suddenly appear out of nowhere. Hiro initiated this friendship, having to, like many time before, swallow his pride and ask if Karmi wanted any help and if she was willing to try being friends. This time, it worked. But right after that, Karmi still complains to Liv that Hiro is “usually the worst,” but countering this by basically only saying that he was useful.

After Karmi got mutated, it was Hiro who stated that he cared about her and stroked her ego by saying that she was smartest person he knew. It felt wrong and out of the blue. I think this scene would have played out much differently, and would have benefited their development, had Hiro been mutated and Karmi was the one to have saved him (so long as the other changes I mentioned were made as well.)

Then, after everything, Karmi just leaves. I understand that it was her parents’ doing, but she didn’t leave a message for him, try to text him, or get through to him by way of social media; this is especially wrong when you see how advanced their tech is.

Karmi never said sorry to Hiro for how she treated him, nor did she even think that what she was doing was wrong. Those small smiles she gave to Hiro, and those few times she acknowledged his kindness to her do not count. The way she treated Hiro was unfair and, since she had no DIRECT consequences to her actions, it makes it seem like that treatment was okay and can be overlooked. I say direct as in she was not called out or reprimanded for what she had been doing to Hiro (being turned to a mutant does not count). Not a good message to be sending to the younger audiences of the show.

Sorry for this long post. Seeing their relationship being talked about in a positive light bothers me as someone who knows people like Karmi. Their bullies, and their actions aren’t justified because [input reason], nor should they be encouraged.

@baymax-hiro-hearted I hope you like this read! Their relationship bothered and I couldn’t understand why. So, here are my thoughts in a more organized and logical manner.

#Karmi #Big Hero 6 #Big Hero 6: the Series #Analyses

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blissfulalchemist · 4 years

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1 + 2 + 3 + 4 for every oc? (Character solidifying!)

Thank you for asking! ☺️💖🌺Sorry for any spelling errors 😣

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have?

Catlina: She actually has a pretty good relationship with her father. He’s more of the quiet types of dads but he’s always been there for her. He just wasn’t always one to pick up the phone for a “Hey how are you doing?” kind of conversation. She loves him dearly and has always appreciated his sense of humor and never hated him even when her mom tried to make him out to be the bad guy during their divorce. Coming from a military background, Navy, he always put an emphasis on being able to defend yourself no matter what, he was never one to pressure his kids to take classes for guns or things like that, but more on the emphasis of if you can avoid a fight, do. Be smart of your surroundings and know what’s around you, be as observant as possible. He also influenced her to be well read and to just head strong for what you believe in. Overall she holds her father in well regards but he was never her hero but she loves and respects him dearly.

Chance: Oh man...Oh boy this boy only ever knew his father and his father’s father. They drive him and his character so much. He loved them both so much and Chance was absolutly heart broken when they both died. Chance doesn’t hate much about them really, he does wish his dad was a little more present and not so focused on his work at times, but loves that he was there when Chance asked or needed him most. Chance also loved how selfless his father was, this was a man that saw a young college girl going through a hard time, saw her potential and so he opened his home for her and her child(Chance!). He gave Chance a home and family after she abandoned Chance instead of putting him in the system, knowing there would be talk about him and his “relationship” with Chance’s mom. And then years later saw someone in trouble and wanted to help them, that plan didn’t happen but he tried. Chance’s grandfather now here was another person that raised and cared for Chance when he didn’t have to. Once Ray died Chance’s grandfather could have given him to the system but chose to keep Chance despite his age and health. Chance did hate how old school his grandfather was and how strict he could be, but he knows now that it was for good reason. Chance also loves the amount of things he learned about the outdoors because his grandfather taught him. This boy just loves them so much, they were his heroes even if he didn’t always treat them like it.

Lance: Lance didn’t know much about his father other than that he was married when he had an affair with his mom. Given that it was a bit of a small town where he grew up he did learn that his father was notorious for sleeping around. Lance grew up hating his father once he found out but that soon quelled as he came to realize it didn’t matter who his father was so long as he didn’t repeat the same mistakes. He’s very indifferent to him and the only influence his dad hand on him was being lesson one in what not to do in a relationship.

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

Catlina TW:mention of suicide: She...does not like her mother in the slightest. Catlina will be in a room with her if situations called for it, but interactions with her are very limited. To Cat her mother stopped being one when she emotionally abandoned her daughter after a suicide attempt. Cat’s mom made it all about her and calling Cat really crazy and dramatic, not believing much about what the doctors said about Cat’s mental state. Cat tried to have a better relationship with her mother but each time it seemed her mother’s love was conditional to when Cat could be happy and normal. Despite all this though she still holds a love for her mom and would care for her if she was to get sick but Cat hates herself for it. The influence on Cat her mother has is one that Cat finds to be very negative. To Cat she was the one that worsened her depression and anxiety in trying to please her mom and be everything she wanted. SHe also sees her mom as an example as to why one should not feel anger and let it out, her mother was well known for the screaming matches between...well almost anyone. It was her way or the highway. Overall despite feeling some love for her mom, she is everything negative about Cat, which makes it harder for Cat to feel like a whole person, and has been a negative influence on Cat’s life.

Chance: There are spoilers if I was to write this to the extent as Cat or Lance but here we go. Chance didn’t know his mom much and was always a little sad about it especially because his dad wouldn’t talk about her much other than saying that she had her own problems and that’s why she left Chance with him, so she could give Chance the best life he could have. After reading his father’s journals Chance finds out about how his mom hurt him in a way that would end in paralysis or death had there not been intervention, Chance does hold an anger and resentment for her. Though he is curious about her and does want to find out what happened to her.

Lance: Lance loves his mom and appreciates all that she did for him growing up despite the hardships. Her influence on him was his caring and softer side that never left. This is the main reason he was so involved with Sage’s life and why he develops soft spots for a certain deputy and herald. His mom LOVED the stories of Camalot and used it to teach him ways in being noble and a fighter for good. While Lance finds her views a little black and white and too optimistic he does still try to live that kind of life. Hence why despite looking like he caved in he is still so willing to help the Resistance and actually has disobeyed orders from them, he just knew how to make it look like he succeded or failed really well.

3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings?

Catlina: She has two sisters, Maya and Xander, and she loves them both so much with all her heart. She would do anything for them, even willing to cross a few lines. She misses them and hates how she got seperated from them. Cat only despises how their relationship with their mom is a lot better than Cat’s. Cat is glad she was the exception but she still feels envious of it.

Chance: He has no siblings that he is aware of. He has no idea who his birth father is or if his mom had any other kids.

Lance: He had three half siblings that he went to school with. He did hate how much better off they were while Lance and his mom struggled. He did remain friends with them never telling them he knew about their dads affairs and he being a product of one of them.

4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?

Catlina: She was raised in a semi-strict house. She was able to go out and do just about anything so long as certain criteria was met. Much of that criteria being that she maintained decent grades in school with no missing assignments, though once her depression started it was harder to maintain the missing assignments and deccent grades. Cat was grounded many times for it though she still found ways out of it and did sneak out of the house or snuck people in on occasion.

Chance: Chance’s father could be very absent at times with his work, but was there for Chance when he needed him. There wasn’t much in terms of harsh punishment since Chance’s dad saw mistakes as learning opportunities. When Chance lived with his grandfather there was a little bit more leniency with rules, think more like Iroh was with Zuko. There were a few strict groundings though when Chance tried to act out and even a few nights spent in the Hope County jail. If I have to classify the kind of parenting style Chance experienced it would fall into Authoritative Parenting. You’re free to do what you want but there are limits.

Lance: His mom worked a lot so he was free to do as he liked but his mom was not opposed to him spending a night or two in the local jail if he got out of line and got caught, where he was promptly grounded at home. Lance was never one to get in trouble other than your typical small town shenannigans

#chance ruicknar oc #catlina rojas oc #lance powell oc

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youtiaoshutiao · 5 years

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go go squid! eps 1-30 - thoughts

i’ve actually read the novel for this a few years ago as a teen and it was just alright in my estimation, it was cute overall and a fun read but i largely forgot about it in the past few years. checked out the drama out of curiosity as to how they’d adapt it. have watched up to ep 30 at this point and i’d say i’m rather ambivalent (though i’m still pretty engaged) so here’s some rambling about my thoughts about my watch so far.

Ngl, the first 7 eps were unbearable to watch imo. I have a super low tolerance for secondhand embarrassment when watching movies and dramas (which is why i can’t get behind some high school movies/dramas) and it was uttermost torture watching tongnian stalk her way (very incompetently too, i must add) to k&k’s resting quarters, even getting his identity wrong (despite being fully capable of baidu searching him given that she knew his full name + found out he was part of a famous team), intending to go to watch him the next day but not even thinking about buying tickets till she was actually at the event venue and then being all righteous about not buying tickets from scalpers... Worrying about causing a misunderstanding among gun’s trainees yet continually getting near him and hence causing a misunderstanding anyway... Though i knew that it was part of her character setup (high iq genius but nil experience in love?) but i couldn’t bear to watch all this unfold haha. Coupled with the very draggy endless flashback scenes and all the testosterone-pumped angst about solo (and now 30 eps in i’m very into Li Xian’s turn as han shangyan but my eyebrows were hurting watching him furrow his brow 24/7) i was almost prepared to quit but was told that everything would get better around ep 8.

And lo and behold... it did. As predicted, around ep 8/9 a switch flipped and i began to be more engaged and enjoy the drama more. I was trying to pinpoint what exactly changed my opinion and i think above all, it was the character of han shangyan that really captivated/held my interest. I started seeing gun not just as the typical 霸道总裁 trope that’s just meant to be confident and commanding and therefore hot but more as a very complex and well fleshed out human (more so than the novel i think, but i can’t really remember at this point as it’s been years, and anyway the novel is a pretty short book while this drama is considered quite long for a modern fluffy cdrama thus allowing more room for exploration).

I really appreciated seeing all the dualities to his character, e.g. his god-like status in his industry and being the idol of thousands and thousands of youth yet seeing how this celebrity status does not translate to being estimated highly by the people around him, and how it does feed into his ideas and perception of himself to a certain extent, though he is also adamant on doing what he deems right, not caring what people think. How he as a leader of k&k appears unflappable, in control, and is determined, eyes fixed on the prize; yet his softness and care for his boys and the elderly he employs and his past teammates shine through in quiet moments and little actions. He has lofty dreams and big goals and aspirations for the future of his team, yet he is also a man bogged down by tons of emotional baggage, stuck in ruts of nostalgia and guilt and unprocessed anger about the past and unable to let go of past enmities or relations. Even his small little quirks amuse/intrigue me, like his sucking on sweets whenever he’s bothered, like his weird obsession with that one Beyond song and playing it whenever he’s Brooding about his past (though it’s probably just the drama’s way of shilling Netease Music lol)

Reading Han Shangyan’s personality/character arc as such, I found myself very invested in what was happening to him/what he was doing/his interactions with the other characters in the story. Even the flashback scenes and SP team scenes that I found very droll initially and still do to a certain extent now held more of my interest as a gateway to understand HSY more. He’s definitely not a perfect character and is deeply flawed, but I appreciated that they portrayed him in such a manner as he definitely felt more real. (though when it came to how this comes into play with regards to his r/ship with Tong Nian, I had rather mixed feelings about it, which I’ll elaborate on further below)

Similarly, I also enjoyed the fleshing out of side characters like Mi Shaofei, Solo, Su Cheng, Xiao Ai etc. Mi Shaofei’s arc especially was very moving and wistful to me, seeing him have his dream of being a champion rekindled at the start of the drama and going back to be a competitive CTF athlete, yet having his age and his lack of practice cause him to not be in top form and doing badly, and eventually making the decision to retire. Seeing him express regret having quit together with Han Shangyan back in the day in a pique of anger and not having this arc resolve in a neat, fulfilling way - I really appreciated it and thought it illuminated quite a sobering reality that timing and circumstances may not always yield the best outcome, that actions from the past that you thought were the right thing to do may come back to haunt you, that you may regret your past actions, that you may have to close the door on certain things even if you really want it. And I really like Mi Shaofei’s personality as well, seeing how he has a good read on his friends’ temperaments and personalities and knows how to diffuse tense situations (especially when Han Shangyan is being prickly and abrasive), how he values the collective above himself, like being happy that SP team scores improved greatly even when the improvement came about due to his retirement. I’m glad that he now has a new path which he can work towards his original dream of being a champion, albeit in a different way that he had initially envisioned.

The main thing niggling at me/making me feel conflicted as I watch the drama is actually Tong Nian’s character/Tong Nian and HSY’s relationship. I don’t really know how to explain what exactly bothers me so much about this, but here’s a shoddy attempt:

In comparison to how well fleshed out Han Shang Yan’s character arc is, Tong Nian’s arc sadly feels very underwhelming in comparison, and I wish similar character development was afforded to her character. 30 episodes in, I literally know nothing about her inner thoughts, motivations, character etc that is not Gun-related gushing. And this is all the more a pity given that her character’s setup was so cool - being so smart and intelligent, being so advanced in a STEM field, also having such a successful online career out of her singing hobby - all these hint at such an interesting female lead, but ultimately feels like an empty shell of a person. There really is no scene where she exists independently, separate from Gun or Gun-related thoughts pervading her mind - e.g. even when she is pitching some cool project idea showcasing her computing skills to the police department, she’s hung up on Gun after breaking up with him; when she’s invigilating a class she’s still thinking about him; she’s coding some new game for him; she’s doing some debugging... but that’s because she’s devastated after he behaved in a shit way towards her; she’s at some tryouts to be the singer for the ctf theme song! she’s showcasing her singing! but somehow... the show still managed to make it all about how she’s heartbroken over him; she uploaded a new song! ... but it’s about how she’s in love with him...

The show tells me she has a life outside of her crush on Gun, but it doesn’t show it as such. Though I also understand that this is due to the drama being centered on esports and hence involving HSY more, and Tong Nian is an outsider to the esports scene and thus her own activities would not be featured as much. It is possible that should they have chosen to feature more about Tong Nian, it might have affected the cohesiveness and pacing and how tight the plot is. But but but... she is the female lead, after all?? I literally know more about Mi Shaofei than about Tong Nian, and he is a supporting character! And precisely because the show did such a good job of fleshing out HSY, whose job and aspiration and passion and friendship-related angst etc lend a lot of fodder to shape his character and that is totally unrelated to his romance with Tong Nian, Tong Nian’s character development seems really lacking in gravitas in comparison.

This sense of imbalance spills over to my perception of them as a couple. I definitely am not opposed to or feel squicked out by huge age gaps in principle, as long as there isn’t some power imbalance and no teenagers are involved. But something about the combination of Tong Nian being all about Han Shangyan (at least that’s how the drama portrayed it, even if it was unintentional) while Tong Nian is only one part of Han Shangyan’s life + Tong Nian’s almost worshipful sentiments towards Han Shangyan + the show’s tendency to highlight how much sleep or time she sacrifices to do stuff for him, on top of the huge age gap made me slightly uncomfortable...?

I think I felt it especially during the plot arc of the second break up. The events of this arc were standard asian drama angst fare - interference from well meaning but biased parent leading to melodramatic wallowing in angst and mean behaviour attempting to drive the other party away... If purely viewing this arc from the lens of character exploration, I think the (rather ridiculous) events in that arc like HSY promising Tong Nian’s mother to not bother Tong Nian anymore and all his subsequent shitty behaviour towards Tong Nian shed some light on HSY’s inner self abasement and 自卑感 and was fascinating in that regard. But then seeing how Tong Nian who definitely puts him on a pedestal just internalised all of that horrible behaviour and accepted it and even kept on excusing his actions or asking him if she had done something wrong or if he was mad at her about the cat (though i also was mad that she just got a pet as a gift without asking beforehand lolol) or if he wanted her to do anything... that was SO painful to watch. (Until he implied that he cheated on her, thankfully she drew a line at that!!) I felt like it was bordering on cold violence to some extent? Not that any part of the second break up was Tong Nian’s fault, but just the way the show portrayed Gun’s way of pushing Tong Nian away and Tong Nian’s subsequent response made it harder to just dismiss the entire saga as just pure asian drama typical noble idiocy angst and left a really bad taste in my mouth. And above all what made me quite exasperated was how in the end, HSY didn’t even apologise to Tong Nian about it, and even attempted (and was successful) to get back into her good graces by listing all the reasons why he should be pitied and hence activating Tong Nian’s ‘Han Shangyan is so pitiful and I love him and want to give him everything’ mode, and being so smug about it??

(I feel like I come off as being rather inconsistent here lolol, earlier gushing about how much I love HSY’s character and now ranting about him. I think I just feel very confused about what to feel when watching the drama, and partially I think it’s because the entire romantic plot and all the events of the drama... require some suspension of belief and are not really very cohesive or well plotted, in the sense that it doesn’t seem to flow organically together with the characters’ emotions and responses? i.e. the character’s emotions/motivations/thoughts don’t correspond to their subsequent actions and the other characters’ subsequent responses to said action doesn’t seem proportional at times. So at certain plot points like how HSY got back together with Tong Nian so easily I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel outraged or just take it in my stride?? I’m not sure if I’m making sense)

Oh, another thing that bothered me was this weird machoism (?? not sure how to explain it) that I sensed at some parts. An example off the top of my mind would be the entire sequence of HSY and Mi Shaofei going out together after Mi Shaofei announced his retirement, with Tong Nian and Yaya trailing at their heels. Once again, from a character development angle, I enjoyed the dialogues between MSF and HSY, between MSF and Yaya. But seeing MSF and HSY pass their coats to Yaya and Tong Nian then embarking on some bromantic tension-filled run together, while Yaya and Tong Nian are left hovering around waiting for them to return and holding their coats; or seeing MSF and HSY give each other Meaningful Looks and then downing a whole bowl of alcohol in some testosterone-fuelled display of Manly Sorrow and Solidarity as Tong Nian and Yaya watch from the sides, worried... Then having Tong Nian and Yaya each attempting to comfort their respective men... idk, i think coupled with the fact that the show is centred around esports, and most of the esports characters are male, and a larger proportion the main female characters we see are not directly involved and are more on the sidelines, it just gives off the sense of like, the men in this drama having their struggles, their aspirations, their sorrows be forefront and central in the plot, while the women are just there to fawn over them and support from the sidelines and tend to the guys’ emotional needs and baby them when they are being grown children. I’m definitely not explaining this well enough and I’m not sure if my impression is valid or I’m just being a hater or being subconsciously misogynistic and projecting or something lol. I’d love to hear what anyone thinks heh.

Thankfully, that part of the plot is over and now the romance part of the drama seems to be settled and the drama I’m assuming is gearing up towards winning the championships. This is promising haha because personally feel like the esports plotline is more captivating than the romance. I sense that now that Tong Nian/Gun are a properly established relationship and both are fully on board the dynamic might change a bit so I shall see how I feel about their relationship in the last quarter of the drama!

With regards to the cast, there was all round quite solid acting imo. I thought Li Xian seemed to be overdoing it with the frowning and grouchiness initially but I think it was alright after a few eps. His microexpressions and meaning-loaded gazes and quirked-lip-smiles are pretty affecting. I watched some interviews of him and he seems really different from Gun in real life so that’s quite impressive. Plus I love his slight slouchiness when portraying Gun in the more personal scenes where the facade of gruff boss!han shangyan disappears lolol. For all my problems with the way Tong Nian’s character was portrayed, Yang Zi does a great job in her role too. I think her crying scenes have always been on point and it was no different here. Special shoutout to the actors for Mi Shaofei, Solo and Xiao Ai, who portrayed their roles really well I think!

Lastly on a random note, I’m quite amused by how the soundtrack copiously borrows from the Suddenly This Summer soundtrack, but I’m not complaining because the OST is pretty evocative and whimsical and makes me hugely nostalgic for STS :)

#go go squid!#亲爱的热爱的 #cdramanet #li xian #yang zi #李现 #杨紫 #drama watching #this is so badly written i cannot english #but i hope it makes some sense and isn't gibberish

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