#i can't write meta for the life of me so all my headcanons and meta considerations have to go into fic

[spottedenchants]

**CR C3 Spoilers** So I was just reading “Just a Little Bit Longer, Love” in your TS series and in Chapter 3, when Essek’s teasing Caleb with all the names of his many aliases/disguises, you included: “Maybe Journey, or Seth?” Did you… did you somehow PREDICT his Cobalt Soul disguise???! 👀

okay short answer: no, not really xD

Seth (the name) is 100% from C3 ep94, and TS!Essek has had a Cobalt Soul persona in the bg of the the series for (irl) years. 'Prediction' feels like it requires some narrative foresight- I just wanted to make Essek do some community service xD

long answer with its own tl;dr:

One thing I like about fanfic is that it's a very fluid medium. One thing I like about writing TS as a non-chronological series is that fluidity is inherent to the 'overarching' story I am telling- it's like revisiting and revising memories. I'd like to think of TS as being canon-adjacent or canon-compatible, and I do on occasion edit minor details when something comes up in CR canon that I would like to include in the series. For example, the Nein Heroez is destroyed in Mighty Nein Reunited, so I went back through the series and renamed the ship to the Nein Heroez II because I thought the original getting destroyed was interesting while also still being very fond of its name.

'Seth' is not a name I came up with as an alias for Essek- that 100% came from C3 ep94. In fact, the original name I had there in Just a Little Bit Longer, Love was 'Tristan', an alias I have never used in TS save for that singular instance and thus far have not even drafted/planned anything for beyond a rough concept you can find on this post here.

THAT SAID (<- getting excited)

For the longest time, I have had TS!Essek doing Cobalt Soul work alongside Beauregard and Caleb in the background of the series (in the bg because idk how to write the work he is doing in an interesting way yet) and I am absolutely thrilled that Essek might be pursuing a similar path by 843 PD in CR canon AND that other people seem enthused about the idea too!

'Seth' as a concept (divorced from Cobalt Soul things) has helped me work through some open-ended tangles I've been picking at in my WIP pile for ages, such as Arc 2 TS!Essek being displeased when maintaining his persona of Phillip Sommer for prolonged periods of time. Phillip Sommer was drafted to be TS!Essek's main face in the Empire and thus his Cobalt Soul persona. However, all of TS!Essek's personas are gifted by his friends, kindly, yes, but gifted just the same, and that means none of them are Him- they don't look like him, their names don't sound like his, they are Different People. So 'Seth' slots in very nicely and I am Very excited to carve into TS!Essek's sense of self as it relates to 'Seth'.

TL;DR: While I do edit minor details like Tristan -> Seth, I am and have been a staunch supporter of Essek working with the Cobalt Soul for A While and I am so very excited to see others warm up to the concept so readily :D

[familyromantic]

Challenge/contest with a prize (spread the word y'all)

Okay, since there were some people interested, I announce a little contest for my fellow incest shippers.

Rules:

You must write about an incest or incest-adjacent ship that hasn't been featured on this blog. But, since I don't post about parentcest, grandparentcest and selfcest at all, it can't be a ship of these categories either. Don't have anything against it, just thought it would be fair. So bring on your unpopular ships ^^ You can check if your ship has been mentioned or not, by search. Try inputting characters' names or the media's title. Or you can just ask me and I'll say if this ship has been mentioned or not.

You must write an introduction to the ship, where it's made clear who they are and why do you ship them. Whether you include spoilers or not is your decision, but I'd prefer if you did go in depth and at least briefly described your ship's canon interactions.

Non blood-related ships are allowed, but fauxcest (think they're related but are not) isn't. And, just my personal preference, I can't stop you, of course, but I would really like to hear about blood-related ships more. AU ships, OC x canon, selfships etc. are also not allowed! (Forgot to add, but real people ships are very not allowed, but historical fiction is - for example, if you take Cesare/Lucrezia, you should specify which fandom are they from, but NOT real life Cesare and Lucrezia. That was an example, you can't take this ship obviously)

You can include your opinions, headcanons, meta, screenshots, whatever you want really, and if you don't want to, that's okay too, but make your introduction interesting to read. Basically, sell your ship to me 😁

Send it through the ask or submission. If you do so anonymously, then write your wishes for the prize in the same message in case you win, cause I won't be able to contact you obviously. Or you can send the message to me through DMs and I will post anonymously (so only I will know who the author is), but contact you if you win.

Prize:

I know how hard it is to find art of your favorite unpopular ship, so here's your treat: you'll get an art of your ship, made specially for your tastes! :) The art won't be drawn by me, you can rest assured that I wouldn't have anyone competing for that. It will be commissioned by me though. You can't choose the artist, sorry, but I promise you that I know decent artists and you won't be disappointed (I hope).

I will choose the winner myself, judging by how interesting their introduction was (I won't swear to be absolutely objective, but yk it's my contest soo 😂)

Timeframe:

From the time this was posted, to 10th of September.

Important: If there are less than 5 participants, the event will be cancelled.

(but I'll still post your message, of course)

[thebisexualdogdad]

Earth 2-Barry Allen x Male!reader headcanons

*I'm currently doing a rewatch of the arrowverse and got to the earth 2 episodes and earth 2 Barry was so adorable I just had to write something for him. Anyways here's a quick recap for earth 2 for anyone who's forgotten because I surely did; Barry is still a forensic scientist, Iris is a detective, Joe is a lounge singer, Caitlin, Ronnie and Cisco are all evil metas and I brought Eddie back just for fun since Barry is with reader

● you're a new detective who fell for the adorable nerdy forensic scientist Barry Allen of earth 2

● when you originally asked him out on a date he thought you were just messing with him cause everyone at the station knew he liked you

● but why would the handsome detective (who was also his best friend Iris' partner) want to go out with him?

● Iris assured him that you really did like him and that date eventually led to you guys getting married 3 years later

● every morning before work you make breakfast while he makes the coffee

● it's a nice peaceful moment to start your day and spend quality time with Barry

● you also help him pick out a bowtie that matches whatever sweater and vest he's wearing that day

● double dates out with Iris and Eddie to see Joe sing at Jitterbugs

● as well as having dinner once a week with his parents

● you hear the "so when are we getting grandkids" question all the time

● "soon mom, soon"

● he's so pure and never swears

● he only says "what the heck" or "dang it" or "fudge"

● it makes you laugh at how sweet it is

● watching sci fi shows with Barry and not knowing anything that's going on

● he tries to explain to you all the sciency stuff behind it which still doesn't make any sense but he gets so excited and is so cute doing so you happily listen to him

● being impressed by your husband every time he creates new tech to help in your hunt for Killer Frost, Deathstorm, Reverb and other metas

● Barry keeps tracks of every meta you have put away and all of your other achievements to brag about how great of a detective you are

● one time you and Iris faced off against Killer Frost and Deathstorm and she nearly froze you to death

● Barry never left your bedside in the months you were recovering

● "Barry stop worrying I'm okay"

● "you're the love of my life Y/N I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you"

● "well it's a good thing you don't have to find out"

● when you get approved to go back to work Barry and Iris throw you a big welcome back party

● Barry is super romantic

● he plans something big for every anniversary from the anniversary of the day you met to your first date/first kiss and even the day you proposed

● you don't know how but he manages to get reservations at the most exclusive restaurants in Central city

● Iris "so what did you and Barry get up to over the weekend?"

● "Barry surprised me with dinner at that fancy French place downtown"

● "how?? Eddie and I have been trying to get a reservation there for months but they are booked until next year"

● even though you've been together for years Barry is still so nervous in the bedroom like it's the first time

● he's clumsy and always knocking things over, you've had to replace so many lamps in your home

● he gets embarrassed by how his body reacts to you and still apologizes for moaning too loudly or bucking his hips uncontrollably

● which you always have to reassure him that it's okay for him to enjoy what's happening and that you love how turned on he gets

● especially when you are role-playing and pretending to arrest him

● or when he sees you in your gym clothes after a work out

● he really can't help staring at your biceps it's his weakness

● when earth 1 Barry shows up to fight zoom he is shocked to find out you two are married (as you are Joe's partner on his earth that he's been crushing on) after you take him to an empty hallway at the station to make out when he was pretending to be your Barry

● your Barry finds out and is not happy about it, "he got frisky with my husband?? I have to find this guy and give him a piece of my mind"

● "you're so cute when you're jealous"

● Cisco "I've been trying to get my Barry to ask you out Y/N for so long now I have proof that you guys would be adorable together"

● Barry "maybe we are just meant to be on every earth"

[itsclydebitches]

Does everyone know that one found family post going around that's something like, "What do you MEAN they all go their separate ways after the journey??"

That's how I feel about Ted going back to Kansas.

To be clear, I'm not arguing that it's an unlikely ending to the series. I think it's very likely, especially when I consider a lot of the cool meta people have been writing lately, but that likeliness leaves a sour taste in my mouth because what's waiting for Ted in Kansas? "Henry!" the fandom cries and yes, obviously, but that doesn't feel like enough to me (which I realize sounds like a callous statement regarding a father and son, but hear me out). The only other things Kansas has are an ex-wife, a horrifically unprofessional step-dad in the making, and a long line of comforts that Ted has outgrown. I've noticed that this season in particular Ted has been moving away from his American roots: he misses his BBQ sauce but manages to find a perfect replacement in Amsterdam, he's finding solace in paintings for temporary homesickness, he's using "football" and "maths" naturally in conversation, many of his speeches lately have been about how he once WAS this American so-and-so but has changed significantly since then. From a canonical perspective, Henry is the only thing in Kansas that's good for Ted anymore and even if we put that aside for a moment (which I don't think we should) it seems quite significant to me that Ted has spent three successful years parenting from across the pond.

Is that ideal? No, but Ted Lasso hasn't gone out of its way to paint this separation as a failure, or a crippling blow to Ted or Henry, despite them obviously missing each other a great deal at times. I'll admit that this aspect is absolutely colored by my own bias. As someone who doesn't want kids herself, I dislike the implicit message that a parent must give up everything they want/need in order to be 100% available to their child. I'm of the belief that there's a big difference between loving/raising your child and lacking a life outside of them because Every Aspect of Your Existence Must Serve Their Direct Needs Until the Magical Age of 18, so I've never jived with the "Ted is a horrible father who abandoned Henry!" takes. Not just because I think the show has made it clear that Henry doesn't feel abandoned, but because it tells viewers that parents can't have anything for themselves once they've brought a life into this world... which feels pretty shitty to me. Thus, that whole Henry-based argument rings as unpersuasive both from my biased perspective and a canonical perspective: "In order to be labeled a good father Ted MUST go back to Henry in Kansas, leaving behind every bond he's formed here, despite the fact that he's spent a significant amount of time making this long-distance relationship work really, really well."

Putting Henry aside and going back to my original point above, sending Ted to Kansas requires the audience to imagine up a life for him that has never existed on screen. Sure, we can assume that Ted will form new bonds and rekindle old ones there, but that would exist entirely off screen. Like the story that asks you to ignore the family that's been built right in front of you in favor of the headcanoned one that the characters are separating for, a Kansas ending would ask us to toss aside three seasons worth of family, community, and still developing relationships for... whatever it is we'd personally imagine up post-series. Audiences (by and large) don't WANT their protagonist to end up with [insert OCs here], they want them to stay with the developed cast, whether that's a romance, a friendship, or a family. To me, there's nothing satisfying about imagining Ted in a location the series has never explored with people who don't exist yet except for, as said, an ex, a man who justifiably makes him incredibly uncomfortable, and his child whom he already has a fantastic relationship with in the community where Ted is happy.

There are a lot of other reasons why this ending would be a big disappointment to me, most notably the rejection of untraditional forms of parenting + the message that Ted was always destined to "reset," returning to precisely where he started out, like he's just a hope dispenser who isn't allowed to significantly grow himself. Sure, you can divorce and get better about managing your anxiety... but making a permanent, positive life change? Nah, let's act like this is an episodic show and toss you back to the beginning. I've seen a couple of people compare Ted to Mary Poppins and while a part of my does like that connection, another part cringes at the idea of him playing the role of magical benefactor, his own future happiness deemed insignificant compared to the lives he's already changed. Thanks for the help, Ted! Hope you manage to find some more happiness for yourself back among everything you've spent the series leaving behind. Open your umbrella and let the wind take you; wherever you land and how hard the fall is doesn't matter because the show is over.

So there's a lot going on for me, however, the found family bit is where I'm truly stuck. You're really going to build up this community and Ted's place in it for three seasons, moving him from "wanker" all the way to beloved coach, only to pack him back to Kansas after he's finally carved out a place for himself? Kansas, the place the show has consistently argued has nothing to offer Ted except for the child he hasn't actually lost? Yeah no, sorry, I'm not a fan.

Which doesn't mean I think Ted Lasso is going to become a terrible show if they choose this - again, very likely - ending... but I will personally be pulling a Nick Fury about it.

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

I've decided to reduce my social media activity drastically to protect my mental health. Right now, it's being detrimental to my already low confidence and every post I make and every hour I spent in social networks only exacerbates my feelings of not being enough.

It's been two years since I came to this fandom, and in all this time, I failed to feel a part of something and form connections, and I very keenly feel the effects of this in everything I do. People who came here after me fared better in a shorter time. I don't blame anyone for this except myself. I've always been the misfit with the edgy uncomfortable opinions, I suck at social interactions, I've been told that my dry and academic tone comes across as condescending, I prefer dry facts over speculation, headcanons and vibes, and canon is my Prime Directive. Or in other words: I'm the antipode of what people love about fandom, I'm not fun. I see the result of this every day and it makes me feel like a failure (I even went so far as to analyse the stats of my posts and compare them to similar recent posts to confirm that this is not a sentiment).

Sharing a passion with hundreds of other people should make you happy. Most of the time, I only feel miserable.

My former fandom was so small that I never noticed these things, but now that I've in this very big fandom for two years, it's painfully clear that fandom is not for me.

In the past, I've tackled such situations by actively trying to change them. After I did that poll in January, I decided to post more and tried to interact more. But too many failed past attempts at interacting have left me disheartened and I can't possibly spend even more time on writing up a comprehensible post. Over the next couple of months, I'm going to face the biggest change in my life so far, and I need to focus on the things that bring me joy like writing. I can't afford keep doing things that only drag me down.

You're likely going to see posts from me now and then when I feel that I have something to say (I was working on a couple of metas) or because I posted a new chapter on AO3, and I have also a couple of scheduled reblogs left, but for the near future, I won't hang around to see what's going on. So please know that if I seem to ignore you, it's not because of you.

I'll probably be more active again when I feel more confident, but since this a permanent issue that has existed for as long as I can remember, this isn't magically going to change in the future.

Last but not least, I want to thank the handful of people who so far supported me by sharing my posts or recommending my works on a social network, or I had nice interactions with. Without you, I would have come to this point much sooner. Please know that you're appreciated <3

[i-heart-hxh]

Whenever you can I'd really like to hear your thoughts about this and if you think it's accurate! ❤️ I absolutely adore your hxh meta and can't wait to hear more!!!

Hello! Thank you so much for the kind words, it means a lot to me! ❤️ These are fantastic observations and questions, as these traits are an important part of the basis of Gon's issues, and this tendency of his to rush into danger leads him into a lot of dark situations throughout the series. It's one of the most concerning aspects of his character.

His self-esteem issues are definitely at the root of this. Gon seems to have a fundamental belief that his life isn't worth much--hence why he tells Killua he's allowed to talk about dying, but Killua isn't. I think a big piece of this comes from the abandonment issues, as well as his issues with guilt (which I still need to write a post about). If even his own father won't stick around for him, what is he worth? And notice he frames Ging's choice in such a way where he doesn't assign blame to Ging--he believes that in a choice between him and being a Hunter, he must just be the inferior choice. Not a great basis for self-worth.

As much as he looks up to Kite, I don't think his encounter with Kite when he was younger helped--he was blamed directly for the mama foxbear's death and Kon becoming an orphan. And while I don't doubt at all that Mito loves him, I think Gon may see himself as a burden on her to a certain degree, and he tries to be as self-sufficient as possible as a result. (That's more of a headcanon of mine, but I do think the complex way their relationship is framed and Gon's behavior in the series supports this to a degree.)

Because he doesn't see his life as being worth much, he tries to take on everything alone, and he sees strength and power as a method to prove that he does have worth after all. If he can prove he's strong, maybe he isn't worthless after all! If he's strong, maybe he won't be a burden to others or unintentionally cause them harm (think about the mama foxbear, and ultimately Kite himself)! If he can become a Hunter and find Ging, maybe he can understand why Ging didn't stay with him, and he won't have to wonder why he left him behind any more!

I definitely think dangerous situations and escaping death give him a a sense that he is capable and worthy, plus it's a rush to him--a form of excitement and stimulation that he craves. Also, keep in mind that Gon grew up among nature, including many wild animals. While "survival of the fittest" is an oversimplification of how nature works, certainly at the same time, a weak animal is more likely to fall prey to a predator. So of course being strong is the more advantageous position to be in, and especially as a person who isn't sure of his worth or his place in the world.

I think he believes the stronger he becomes, the more dangerous situations he can escape, and the more strong enemies he can defeat, the more capable and worthy he'll feel. Because of how much his self-esteem then hinges on whether he's strong or not, things like Hisoka punching him and giving him his badge make Gon struggle to feel like he has value. The times we see Gon cry, like in his conversation with Kurapika in the airship about that moment with Hisoka, or in the scene after he couldn't win against Knuckle and couldn't go to NGL to rescue Kite, often relate directly to him not feeling strong enough.

Also yet again (back to my usual refrain), this is in fact another subversion of shounen expectations. Shounen protagonists tend to be energetic and feisty teen boys who throw themselves into dangerous situations easily, and in most shounen series this is a trait that's not treated with much weight--they can handle it, nothing truly bad generally happens to them as a result, this trait of theirs is treated as something brave and admirable and "cool."

But with Gon, Togashi does give it weight--others worry about him and comment on this trait of his, his recklessness has real costs for him that escalate over time (think about the results of Gon tailing Hisoka in the Hunter Exam, Gon vs Gido, the end of Greed Island, and of course CAA), and ultimately his disregard for his own worth and safety essentially leads him to throw away his own life. In Gon, it's not an admirable trait, but a concerning and tragic one, with deep roots in his psyche.

It's brilliant to me how many of Gon's traits all link together--his low self-esteem comes from his abandonment issues and leads to his recklessness, he has a selfish streak because he's young and still somewhat immature and grew up isolated, and his short-sightedness as a result of that manifests in his sense of morality not being fully developed. And yet even with all of that, he's still a sweet, cheerful, kind, smart, and encouraging boy. I absolutely love the complexity of his character and how, if you carefully analyze him, the way he is makes so much sense.

Thank you for asking!

[case-of-traxits]

50 Random Character Asks:

Tseng, 1 - 50

You know you had this coming.

50 Random Character Asks: Tseng Edition

I can't even pretend to be surprised here, can I? Well, I got your second ask with your choices as well, so they're in here. 💖

50 questions. Whew. I'll give you guys a sampler on the first one, but the rest are going to be under a cut. This took me SO LONG to do. I've literally been working on it since the 17th! All together, there's 4934 words in this bad boy, excluding the questions.

So uh. Enjoy nearly 5k of meta about Tseng. XD

That said, please keep in mind that all of my answers are specific to how I personally write Tseng. I'm not going to necessarily distinguish every piece of canon from headcanon.

[For this ask game!] || [Still accepting]

1. Canon I outright reject

That Tseng knew Zack was being kept in Nibelheim. For me, it just doesn't work with the rest of Tseng's arc regarding Zack and Aerith and him keeping all of those letters. So. No. Technically, in BC, Tseng is aware that Zack and Cloud are both alive and badly injured, and Hojo orders for him to "prepare the mansion," but never actually says what he's going to be doing there. Tseng sends the Player Turk to clear it out, and then Veld shows up and sends all of the Turks to work on handling the townspeople and everything instead of the mansion. So it's entirely possible that Tseng never knew, according to BC, that Zack and Cloud were placed in those tubes in the basement.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

Tseng is absolutely capable of slapping Aerith.  I realize that they took that out of the Remake, but I just feel like it's critical for his character for you to know that he is absolutely capable of that level of violence, even against someone he cares about.

3. Obscure headcanon

Tseng is the third (and youngest) son of Kisaragi Godo's older brother, who was emperor during the Wutaian War.  He was brought up in one of the Leviathan Temples to keep him as an effective (and safe) spare to the throne before he defected to Shinra. His forehead marking is a holdover from his time in the Temple, and he'll never admit to a single soul that sometimes, he feels the guiding hand of destiny (or fate or whatever you want to call it) in his life.

4. Favorite line

"It must have been a real thrill for you… Did you enjoy it?" I think this is everyone's favorite canon line.  With the possible exception of the "Mr. President," line from the Remake. That one's pretty damn good, but it requires actual explanation, doesn't it? XD I will say, he also has the canon line of, "I put everyone else at risk because I feared feeling guilty," in BC.  Which is... telling.

5. Best personality trait

Tseng's loyalty is easily his best personality trait, in my opinion.  We see a lot of it in BC, with his dedication to trying to help and save both Veld and the department, as well as in CC, with his devotion to getting those letters to Zack.

6. Worst personality trait

Tseng's devotion to doing things "correctly" is definitely his worst personality trait.  I am firmly of the opinion that this is the thing that's held him back on just killing the President and installing Rufus early. I mean, I have no doubt that there is technically more to it, including the fact that we have no idea what kind of succession clause might have been put in place for Rufus to inherit.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon

Age // Born in 1975, so he is 8 years older than Rufus and Reno, 2 years older than Sephiroth, and 3 years younger than Reeve. Height // I usually go with 5'8", but I'm a little flexible on this. I'll go up to 5'10".  He cannot, however, be taller than Rufus for me. Weight // Eh, I don't really do weight HCs.

8. Unpopular opinion about them

Hm... Do I have an unpopular opinion about Tseng..?  I don't know that I interact with enough Tseng fans to know.  Maybe my insistence on him being fairly easy-going when he isn't at work?  I see Tseng as the sort who can go with the flow to some extent, mostly because I don't think he'd work as well with Reno if he wasn't.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

Oh man, honestly?  This might be my unpopular opinion, but his "death" scene in the OG.  With Sephiroth.  And no, not just because of my ship goggles. But there's just so much implied trust there, at a point where Tseng probably shouldn't trust Sephiroth.  He just... He talks to Sephiroth like he's still sane, and Sephiroth cuts him down during it, and then he still drags himself back through the entire Temple of the Ancients to get to the entrance so that he can let AVALANCHE in.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)

 See above.  I just... I love that scene.  It's easily his best scene.

11. Faceclaim for the role

Satoh Takeru.

12. Crack headcanon

So, I don't think I have a straight "crack" headcanon for Tseng.  I do have some crack-treated-seriously headcanons, including that he doesn't heal well magically (explaining why he spends so much more time in bandages and recovery than basically everyone else), and that if he's not friends with Reeve or in a romantic relationship with a partner who insists otherwise, he would live entirely on takeout. Tseng does not cook, in my opinion.  He's perfectly capable, but why?  He's spent years curating an extensive collection of takeout menus he considers acceptable food, and he eats exclusively from restaurants that have passed his very exacting standards. Ooh! And this: Tseng drives a small black sportscar at possibly dangerous speeds in Midgar.  It also has no plates, but there's not a cop in Midgar stupid enough to try to ticket it.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

Possibly trusting Sephiroth when he ran into him at the Temple of the Ancients, but honestly, there was probably no way he was walking out of that anyway, right?  So excluding that... Probably, the actual 'dumbest' thing he canonically does is in BC, when he chooses to rescue a single lone reactor guard instead of destroying a ship full of weapons that Shinra can't afford to let get out.  That's definitely treated as his dumbest choice by the canon.

14. Most heroic moment

When he literally, while dying, drags himself through the Temple to make sure Aerith gets the keystone.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done

I mean. He canonically murders people for his paycheck.  So probably that? Unless you're more offended by the 'abandoning his country' backstory, of course.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

He will always wonder if he could have made a difference for Wutai if he'd fought for them instead of going to Midgar. Not that he regrets leaving.  He is fairly sure that he was always meant to be at Rufus' side.  But there's always that small, lingering thought.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

I actually have an old fanmix that more or less I still use. That said, you can also add "Secret (Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists Theme)," covered by Denmark + Winter.

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about

I am going to read this is what he should see a therapist about because I'm pretty sure if he had to go see one, he would spend the entire session silent, watching the therapist and making them horribly uncomfortable. (Unless it's Angel, but she's one of @ladykf-writes' OCs that I gleefully borrow whenever I can.  She's a counselor specifically for Turks, and Tseng knows better than to try to argue with her.) Honestly though.  If Tseng were up to date on mental health, I think he'd need to see a therapist about his inability to be settled with anything less than perfection from himself.  And, you know, probably talk to them about the killing people thing.

19. Vices/bad habits

Tseng smokes.  It wasn't a habit he was in before Midgar, but while he was being 'debriefed,' he discovered that asking for a cigarette meant he got to go outside and see the sky and breathe the (admittedly not great) air.  However, due to him not healing super well magically and needing to actually recover naturally, he did eventually notice a cough and slight shortness of breath that he couldn't shake. So he tries not to smoke as much anymore.  Still, he does keep a pack of his clove cigarettes on him at all times.

20. Scars

Oh plenty. All the Turks have them, and Tseng has a few more than most given his difficulties in healing.

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)

Alcoholic // Junami sake, served warm.  He has a few brands that he likes, most of which need to be imported from Wutai. Non-alcoholic // Caramel Macchiato with extra caramel and extra whip.  Not that he'd let anyone catch him ordering it.  He has a single barista that he goes to in the coffee shop in the Tower (her name is Peony), and she knows better than to call his order out.  Tseng's sweet tooth is something he keeps very much under wraps.

22. Best physical feature

I mean. How do you pick? He's gorgeous. Maybe his hair, but I have a weakness for beautiful hair.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

Vetiver. But that's probably just because I HC his cologne as having notes of vetiver in it.

24. Most annoying habit

According to Reeve, it's Tseng's uncanny way of reading you.  There's nothing more frustrating to him than Tseng's little, "And is that all?" sort of question because he knows that Tseng means, 'I know there's something else and here's your opportunity to tell me what it is before I go digging.'

25. 3 things they’d want to take with them if they were dropped off in the middle of nowhere

Assuming he is not allowed to bring his phone, and assuming that a backpack full of his usual supplies (he has one in his apartment, one in his car, and one in his office; he finds it unlikely he'd be caught somewhere without it) doesn't count as a single item, and assuming that he's not stripped of his usual clothes/gear when he's dropped off... 1 // A survival radio with a rechargeable battery. 2 // A waterproof map. 3 // A first aid kit. Really, he'd probably be fine even if dropped off with absolutely nothing, but trust me, he would not be happy about it.

26. What they would do if stuck in an elevator with [Lazard]

At first, there would be a long stretch of silence as they both studied the number display and then the elevator panel itself.  Lazard would be the first one to move, leaning forward to punch a few of the buttons, but once it was clear that the elevator was not moving, Tseng would sigh and tip his head back and study the ceiling. He's cataloging everything he needs to do, wondering briefly what he can hand off, what he could text some of the others about to ensure it's done in time.  Then he looks over at Lazard, who is sighing and pushing his hand through his hair. There's another few moments of silence before Lazard pushes the emergency call button, and after they're both reassured by the voice on the other end that maintenance is aware of the issue and working to restore functionality, Tseng slides down to sit.  Lazard looks over at him, then sighs and takes that as an invitation to do the same. "Do you think it's inappropriate to text Reeve?" And Tseng looks up at Lazard, a small, knowing smile on his lips.  "That depends," he murmurs.  "Do you actually want to get to that meeting?" Lazard chuckles, reaching up to rub the bridge of his nose slightly, and he looks back down at his phone.  After a moment, he lays it face down on his leg and tips his head back against the glass wall of the elevator, and he looks out over the city on display behind Tseng. Tseng notices he doesn't start texting. The silence is comfortable.  Companionable.  Neither of them have any stake in impressing one another, and there's no need to fill the silence with talking only for the sake of talking. Tseng supposes that they're lucky that it isn't winter.  Else they would have to sit much, much closer. A glance over at Lazard, who has taken off his glasses briefly to rub one of his eyes, and a little smile touches Tseng's lips. Not, he decides after a minute, that it would be a bad thing, necessarily.

27. Their guilty pleasure

Tseng loves sweets.  Basically all kinds, but he does have a particular weakness for good chocolate and good caramel.  His secret indulgence that he'll never admit to anyone who knows him is that sometimes, during the winter, he'll order a large hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and get a caramel drizzle on it from the coffee shop in the Tower. But only if his usual barista (Peony) is working.  Since she already knows his coffee order is something equally ridiculously sweet, he finds that to be less humiliating than adding someone else in on the loop.

28. How they feel about [Reeve]

Complicated.  On the one hand, Tseng and Reeve are always, always good friends when I write.  One of Tseng's first long, solo missions with the Turks (and I really should rewrite that fic with my current Tseng's backstory and clean up the prose a little) was to function as Reeve's escort on a reactor tour.  That's a minimum of two weeks if they're taking advantage of helicopters periodically, more often three full weeks of travel when Reeve drives the whole thing.  And of course, the driving is definitely Reeve's preference.  Reactor tours are practically the only vacation he takes. But there's no way you don't spend three weeks on a cross-planet roadtrip and don't end up very close to the person you spent all that time with in the car (unless, of course, it's terrible and you just want to murder them).  But at the same time, there are secrets between them that they both know they can't know about one another.  Reeve can't know all the gory details about Tseng's life as a Turk, and Tseng can't know about Reeve's... let's call it his uncanny knack with the reactors. Now, do I ship them? Honestly, yes, sometimes.  I mean, I usually pair off Tseng with Sephiroth and Reeve with either Lazard (if I want canon to happen for something later) or Genesis (if I'm wanting a fix-it), but I can absolutely ship Tseng with Reeve.  Honestly though, that's kind of an unfair question.  I can ship Tseng and Reeve with nearly anyone.

29. Eating habits

 If it weren't for Reeve's insistence on a weekly meal with him and Reeve's occasional order of groceries simply arriving at Tseng's apartment unannounced (he only really sends dry goods these days; produce and dairy get delivered by Reeve himself when Tseng invites him over), Tseng would live exclusively on takeout. Expensive takeout. But takeout nonetheless.

30. Sleeping habits

Tseng slept in a Midgardian style bed for about a week while he was in debriefing after he defected, but eventually, he took all of his blankets and everything and just started sleeping on the floor instead. Now, in his apartment in Upper Eight in the middle of Little Wutai, he's found someone who can make him a gloriously oversized futon, and his one "concession" to the Midgardian way of doing things is that he no longer puts his futon up every morning.  He has four futons to rotate between, with a veritable army of sheets and blankets for them that he's gotten as what he suspects is something akin to 'tribute' from some of the Little Wutai locals. He's done his best to make it clear that he's to be treated as anyone else in the community, but he's hardly going to refuse these things. Tseng sleeps lightly, waking up at basically any sort of unexpected sound, but he has the enviable ability to drift right back off.

31. If the had a tumblr what would it look like?

Honestly? It would be all precisely curated images/gifs of nature. Probably of waterfalls and rivers and creeks. But it would be immaculate. Perfectly tagged and maintained.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh

I don't know that it is guaranteed, but Reno's antics often get a smile or a chuckle out of Tseng; particularly so when someone is underestimating Reno in some way.  He has a tendency to find amusement in watching someone walk right into something they should have seen coming. That said, both Reeve and Rufus are also able to routinely get a smile out of him; Reeve because he's just so warm that Tseng can't help but to smile back and Rufus because, well, to be perfectly frank, he's a sassy little shit sometimes and Tseng loves that about him. (For the record, Aerith also often fits in that "sassy little shit" box, but Tseng does his best not to let her see him smile, or else she'll take it as encouragement.) If we're talking about something other than people though, the sort of thing that will routinely get a smile out of Tseng is people watching.  He likes sitting on a bench in the Tower or in Midgar in general and just... watching people go by. It helps him feel grounded in the world.

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry

I don't know that anything specific is guaranteed to make him cry.  He's very much a 'buckle down and take care of things,' sort of guy instead of the emotional reaction sort of guy. That said, he doesn't handle it well after Nibelheim.  Even if he's not in a relationship with Sephiroth, the whole mess of 'handling' the survivors and realizing just how far the President will go to keep himself in power and the uncertainty of what's going on with Veld and with AVALANCHE and just... It's isn't pretty.

34. How they react when they are feeling [excited]

Tseng has, as a general rule, muted outward emotional tells for anything he's feeling.  It was trained into him when he was at the Temple, both as a potential heir to the throne as well as because he was being trained to be a priest.  That said, when he's genuinely excited about something and not just 'looking forward' to it, someone who knows him can tell. He's distracted from other things.  And sometimes, if you're talking to him and he's excited about something, he might ask you to repeat yourself. Not like, "Oh, I didn't hear you, what?" But you'll get a lot more of those little noncommittal "Mm?" sounds out of him. Unless you're talking about the thing he's excited about.  In that case, you'll have his complete attention, and his usually small, amused smiles (the smug ones; you know the ones) are a bit bigger, more genuine and, dare I say it, softer.

35. Their idea of a perfect day

Tseng's idea of a perfect day... well, to some extent, that varies based on where we are in the timeline and if he's in a romantic relationship, but in general, his idea of the perfect day is as follows: Nothing disastrous happens. Barring that, he'll settle for: Anything disastrous that did happen was handled.  Appropriately. In all seriousness, Tseng is very much the sort who focuses on living each day as though he won't have another, and he doesn't let himself indulge much in idle fantasies. He's much more interested in perfect moments.  A good morning run with someone he likes.  An effective training session with one of the other Turks.  Watching someone grasp something that he's been teaching them.  An evening walk with someone he loves.  Sharing a ridiculously rich chocolate cake with them afterwards.  That sort of thing.

36. Their favorite season

Tseng's favorite season in Midgar is fall, when there's a near constant wind coming off the mountains.  It can be difficult to track the seasons in Midgar, since there's not much by way of greenery, but fall means a cool wind that helps disperse some of the excess heat that comes off the Plate under his feet. Back in Wutai, his favorite season was summer.  He liked watching the fireflies in the dusk at the Temple, and no small part of him misses that.

37. What they really think about themselves

Deep down, no matter what else, Tseng knows that he is an oathbreaker.  He can justify it to himself or dress it up all he wants, but he knows that his father, that his brothers, that his country counted on him, and he walked away.  He abandoned everything he'd ever known and walked into the camp of the enemy and swore to help them instead. It's part of why his loyalty is so fiercely held now, and part of why he's so careful to be as pristine and perfect at what he does as is possible. He knows what his family— had they survived the war— would have said.  Once an oathbreaker, always an oathbreaker, and now, he's tied to the oaths he has made in a way that he wouldn't be if he hadn't defected, because he's terrified that they would be right. That puts him in the position of conflicting loyalties, and why he is so careful not to make promises once he's in Midgar.  His first loyalty is to Rufus now, his second to the rest of the Turks, and if there's anything that keeps him awake at night, it's how he's supposed to juggle the additional loyalties that he's found himself collecting (Aerith, Reeve, Zack, Sephiroth, Veld, Reno, etc.).

38. Favorite holiday

Valentine's Day.  Or, to be more exact, the day after.  When Tseng can get a box of very nice chocolates for extremely cheap. XD No, in all seriousness, Tseng quite likes the Midgar celebration of the dead, All Hallow's Eve, with the fixation on costumes and frightening people.  He finds it fascinating for a culture that spends so much of its time not talking about the dead.

39. Favorite game

Tseng likes card games.  He's good at them for the most part, and in fact, when he first defected and arrived in the SOLDIER camp, he realized very quickly that his traditional Wutaian garb was only going to keep him Othered.  So he learned to play poker from watching several hands, and he won himself gil and spare clothing alike off those SOLDIERs who heard his— at the time— thick accent and thought he'd be an easy mark. He still has a soft spot for poker.

40. Favorite book

Have two of Tseng's favorites.  Both titles have been translated from the original Wutaian for your convenience, but Tseng only has the Wutaian copies in his home. "When the Sun Rises in the West," by Yurieva Aiko.  This is a collection of poetry made from the letters recovered from the belongings of Wutaian soldiers after the war. "The Sleeve Cost Me Nothing Compared to You," by Sato Ivan.  This is a collection of short stories and poetry about love and the fleeting nature of romance.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be?

Before he defects // Tseng would like to have lunch with one of the previous emperors at this point, just to try to get some perspective on what's happening with his country.  Particularly, he desperately wishes he had someone to ask for advice from.  He's torn on what he sees going on, and he wonders what's wrong with him that he seems to be the only one who sees that there's no possible way for them to win this engagement with Shinra. After he defects // During his time in Shinra, given the option to have lunch with literally anyone, Tseng would like one more lunch with someone he loves.  He's very much of the opinion that the best thing to do is to savor every moment you get with someone, no matter how mundane or fleeting. Post-canon // He would like one more lunch with Aerith and Zack.  Just to see them again, and to convince himself to let their ghosts go.

42. 3 comfort items

1 // Tseng has kept, over the years, exactly one kimono from his time in Wutai, and while he never wears it anymore, sometimes, when he's feeling nostalgic, he'll go and run his hands over the silk. 2 // After he completed his training to be accepted into the Turks, before he left the Academy in Junon to go back to Midgar full time, the Acting Director of Operations in The Junon Branch of the Administrative Research, Anya (also one of @ladykf-writes' OCs), gave him an inlaid bone and black alloy knife with a blade cleaning kit.  This is the knife that Tseng wears strapped to his left thigh (the left pocket is cut open in every pair of his pants so that he can reach it). 3 // When Rufus was fifteen, he gifted Tseng a solid black watch with no markers on it besides a pair of mythril white hands and a single mythril accent on the face that marked the twelve.  Rufus never intended for Tseng to keep it as a staple, but while Rufus has gifted him other watches since then, this is the one that Tseng wears as his every day watch.

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise

Favorite Food 1 // Sushi from a tiny hole-in-the-wall place in Little Wutai.  And when he says hole-in-the-wall, he means this woman literally just sells bentos out of her kitchen. Favorite Food 2 // Fiola's in Upper Six is one of his favorites.  They have excellent Mideelan pasta and even better bread.  The bread is, in fact, good enough that while Tseng usually doesn't eat bread with his meals, he'll make an exception for Fiola's. Favorite Food 3 // There is a tiny bakery in Upper Three that sells the absolute best chocolate cake that Tseng has ever had.   Despised Food 1 // The "sushi" for sale in the Midgar cafeteria.  One of them had mayonnaise in it. Despised Food 2 // Pork rinds, a surprisingly popular snack in Midgar.  Tseng suspects it's a holdover from when the area was much more farming-oriented.  As it stands, every sector, Above and Below, has their own 'special' flavoring for them, and Tseng has yet to find anything redeeming about them. Despised Food 3 // Tseng doesn't despise bread exactly, but he fails to find it enjoyable to eat most of the time.  He'd prefer his carbs come in sugar, pasta, or rice, given the choice.

44. Their happiest memory

Tseng has a couple. The first one is of one of the last times he saw his mother. He was about eleven, and he was brought to her rooms so that she could see him.  They spent the evening reading poetry and him showing off his sword forms and her telling him how proud of him she was.  He helped her brush out her hair and braid it for bed, and then she returned the favor and kissed his forehead and sent him on back to his own rooms.  He has a small jade comb that he found in a secondhand shop in Little Wutai that makes him think of her. His second happiest memory is nearly always with Reeve, of their drive around the planet on that first reactor tour.  It was the first time Tseng traveled that he could just enjoy the process, and he has fond memories of the times they rolled the windows down and Tseng could let his hand hang out of the car and just... feel the breeze.  Reeve had been content to talk about nothing or put on an audiobook— and those had been something delightful to learn about, something that Tseng had immediately invested in because that was a great way to listen to the language— and let them just ride.

45. Their favorite celebrity

Tseng is embarrassed to admit it, but when he first arrived in Midgar and Junon, his Standard was not nearly as good as he'd thought it was.  The tutors he'd had in Wutai hadn't been native speakers, after all, and while he'd learned very well from them, there was no way he'd be mistaken for a natural speaker.  So he'd immediately immersed himself, watching the news and reading everything he could get his hands on, and eventually, he'd discovered what were called 'soaps.' He never really followed a lot of the plot lines— he felt sometimes like they had put several novels in a blender and poured the resulting concoction on the screen— but he did eventually decide there was one actress, Gabrielle Cooper, that he enjoyed watching. She had one of the most neutral accents he'd ever heard, and he followed her from show to show faithfully. Even long after he'd stopped watching soaps to help with his Standard, long after he'd more or less shed his own accent completely, he would catch himself picking up a magazine or a tabloid if she was featured on the cover.

46. The person they most admire

For a long, long time, it was Veld.  And then everything with Felicia happened.  And it isn't that he no longer admires Veld, but he certainly seems more human now.  What Tseng admires most about Veld now isn't the seemingly perfect Turk persona that he presents, but his dedication to what he thinks is right. Post-canon, the person he probably actually admires most is Rufus.  Rufus Shinra, who was brought up to rule the world and has been barred from the throne.  Rufus Shinra, who should have had everything and instead has had to cobble something together from the ruins left behind. In that vein, Reeve is an extremely close second. Reeve was never intended to be the one in charge, and Tseng knows that Reeve would like nothing more than to hand it all off to someone else and go back to designing houses and buildings and parks. But there's literally no one else to hand it off to. So he trudges on, running the now-largest military force in the world, making decisions that shape the entire world with almost no oversight.

47. Their dream job

If Tseng wasn't a Turk and hadn't been brought up in the Temple and was just an average Midgar citizen?  He'd be a restaurant critic.  He'd write the most detailed and possibly scathing reviews possible, and restaurants would fear him.

48. Scariest moment of their life

A few months before he defected, during a ritual for Leviathan at the Temple, Tseng nearly drowned.  This was one of his big catalyst moments for abandoning Wutai, as he realized in that moment that no matter what anyone told him about how important he was, they all saw him as expendable. After Advent Children, the scariest moment in Tseng's life was watching Rufus jump from that building.

49. Favorite toy as a child

Tseng was given a wooden training sword very young that he absolutely used to menace every Temple Guardian he ran across until he was big enough for proper training, and he cherished it right up until he left the temple.  He didn't take it with him, but he made sure to polish it and leave it in a respectful place when he left. He is sure that it was broken and/or burned upon discovery that he had chosen to side with Shinra.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out

I don't know that Tseng has very many memories that he's blocked out.  Tseng is very unflinching when it comes to facing who he is and what he's done and what's been done to him.  He believes in facing things head-on and in dealing with the consequences that brings.

Congratulations on making it all the way down here, omg. IT WAS SO LONG!!

All of the love. 💖

[angelsdean]

hi!! i've spent the better part of my morning browsing through some of your tags, and i just wanted to tell you how much i enjoy you posting about young dean / queer dean and how it makes me so genuinely happy to read your thoughts on the matter (that i generally completely agree with btw). dean being well aware of his sexuality from the start is one of the most important aspects of the show for me at the moment.

i don't want to write a whole poem in your inbox but i am having so many Thoughts! my personal interpretation is that dean had already pretty much come to terms with his sexuality pre stanford era, and was actively and deliberately seeking dudes in his late teens (esp when he was away from sam and john and maybe had a chance to feel more free and unrestrained). i completely understand why people look at him and think '🫵 repressed' (i did too) but to me its so much more interesting and compelling and it adds so much more to his character to imagine him growing into his queer identity so comfortably (i love to think that, despite eveything, there was a part of himself that he didn't completely hate or reject, does this make sense?). also as you said, being repressed is def not the only reason why a person might have to suppress/not be loud about their sexuality. we don't talk about this nearly enough!! i NEED to read headcanons and fics and metas and see art about young queer dean!

hi Mila! oh wow thank you so much 💖 young queer Dean is so important to me too!

I love Stanford Era so much because it's really this time where I see Dean being at his most free, but also most lonely. And I think he's trying to make connections, and trying new things, and really getting to be. And I also love the idea of teen Dean carving out these pockets for himself too, when John is away, or when Dean gets sent away :( :( :(

I think Dean started figuring out pretty early on that he was "different." I wrote this little fic a while back exploring some aspects of Dean's gender + sexuality throughout the years, I haven't revisited it in a while and I feel like some of my thoughts may have changed but it's still a really special fic to me.

Lately, I've also been working on another little fic set during the summer Dean is 14. He and Sam are staying at Bobby's and while the fic is centered around something else, there are small moments where we see Dean's budding awareness of his sexuality. (There's a cute boy at a produce stand and a hot lifeguard at the community pool and lots of magazine clippings of Harrison Ford and Patrick Swayze---he just wants to be like them, ok!) And it's like he's aware but he also can't really look at those feelings directly yet. (Also the art you made recently of young Dean "figuring it out" is so near and dear to my heart!!)

Then I have two Stanford Era time-travel WIPs (hiiii Cas!) And oh boy. This guy is SO GONE on Cas from the jump! And that's what I love so much about Stanford Era Dean (or well, my Stanford Era Dean), is that he's just in such a free point in his life, and so open to new experiences. He's not freaking out abt his immediate attraction and infatuation with Cas. In fact, where Older Dean (our Dean) is more...restrained, perhaps, in his feelings (not that he doesn't express them! i am team dean + his big feelings) but just that my personal interpretation re: the dean + his feelings for Cas timeline has him thinking / convincing himself that Cas doesn't feel the same way for him in the later seasons. So this Older Dean has kind of just, accepted that fact. And is trying not to wear his heart on his sleeve so much (and not really succeeding at all). But Stanford Era Dean? Oh no no no. He is a little shit stirrer and a smitten kitten and is both immediately clocking the situationship-and-mututal-feelings happening between Dean and Cas (it's so obvious to everyone on the outside looking in) AND he's actively flirting with Cas and just lighting up under any and all attention from him (because he's also so so lonely. and touch-starved. and craving affection).

Anyways, all this to say, I am always here to talk abt young queer Dean / Stanford Era Dean !!! I'd love to hear more of your headcanons too💞

[ultrakatua]

Writer interview game

Tagged by @reallyhatethiswebsite who is, indeed, good at describing dicks.

Tagging @queenlua because I'm nosy <3

When did you start writing?

Since forever. I still have old stories I wrote when I was like 7.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

A solid 90% of what I read is sci-fi. I don't have the brain required to write good sci-fi. Or maybe I just lack the confidence, I don't know. But yeah. It's intimidating.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

No. I'm pretty neutral about myself but like... If I'm not me, what's the point you know? I really don't admire people in general.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Most of it I do on my laptop. I'll sometimes write on my phone. Eveything is in my cloud. I'm employed and totally a boomer about the softwares I use, so I actually pay for Office and for a neat grammatical tool that doubles as a dictionary because English Is Hell.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I Don't Control The Hyperfixation.

(I'm just very weird about very specific things until they consume me)

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I like stories about people utterly destroyed by life and who are forced to confront all that stuff. But they can't be fixed. I love sad/bittersweet endings that have you look at the last words of the story and dissociate on the spot.

I've never written a happy end in my entire life and probably never will.

I'm a depressed bitch, so nothing really shocking there.

What is your reason for writing?

The whimsy answer: My internal dialog is ON h24. Putting it on paper feels good.

The rational answer: I used to have a blog dedicated to literary analysis and meta posting (something I'm actually totally ok to say I'm very good at), but with the death of blogging and the current state of fandom discourse, I stopped writing these things. Instead I shit all my headcanons into my fics.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

When people are as pretentious with my writing as I am with it in my head. I don't have to align with their understanding of the text, but I like to keep things ambiguous for that reason. I'm totally down for people overanalysing everything, because I do it as well. Keep in mind I'm the kind of weirdo who will spend 15 minutes thinking about what term I must use for "cock" to obtain the best effect.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Apparently people perceive me as cold and intimidating which is????

Like. I'm just some gal.

I hope people know that I always finish the stories I start, though. I want to be trustworthy in a sense.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I have no fucking idea. I'm a very analytical person, but it doesn't really translate to anything in creative writing... So going by what people have said of me: I'm good with characterization apparently.

How do you feel about your own writing?

When I write in French, it's all over for you (I literally never will).

But more seriously, English is challenging but I'm getting better at it. It's still a long way to go, though. I like to challenge myself to get better.

[kerryweaverlesbian]

I love your Daphne Allen posts; all of your posts talking about characters struggling with gender and sexual identity are so well written and thought out, especially genderqueer!Dean. Do you have any other thoughts on Daphne, no matter how small? I love hearing about your ideas ♥️

[Anon is referring to this fic and this poem]

:") everyone is nice to meeeee, thank you ❤️ I'm going to call Daphne he throughout this so don't get confused. I don't have bonus headcanons about him at the moment, I usually construct those for minor characters as I'm making a fic about them, but I'll talk broadly about my thoughts about him under the cut (it got long LOL).

I think Daphne gets to me in particular with gender, because:

a) Meet My Girlfriend by Transgenderism was the first time it really clicked in my head that you can just. Choose. To change your pronouns. If it makes you happy. And you can still be a lesbian. So he's linked in my mind with that revelation.

b) pulling some man out of a river and marrying him on the spot is PEAK compulsory (cis)heterosexuality. Like. Ah yes :) God has sent me a man to solve my problem and he doesn't know what Being A Man is so he's Safe plus 'this is normal heterosexual behaviour I'm pretty sure [it absolutely is not]'.

(Reading Adorned With Smoke For Clothes by lesbiansailor, where Daphne prays for salvation [from being a lesbian] and there stumbles upon "Emmanuel" and is like 'oh okay' really sank into my brain, that's definitely what happened.)

c) I've always loved 'teaching someone how to be human' but the sweet, sweet juice of "teaching someone how to be A Man when you are insecure and unhappy about your own gender role"? YUM YUM YUM. The act of finding yourself through the other!! That's how. To get a little introspective lol. That's how I tend to work through figuring stuff out about myself. There is someone in my life and I think to myself "ah they might be _. This explains me thinking about it so much." And then like 3-5 months later I'm like wait. I think I am _. Lol. So I can project that projection onto Daphne, but with bonus resentment because I love resentment it's so fun to write.

d) obviously him being partnered with Castiel, who I view as a secure trans man (he "became a father", he went from agender to man, he literally changed from a female vessel to a male one, many people in fandom have said this. He literally invented free will to choose to be a trans gay man ❤️*). Having someone SO sure that he's a man even when he lost ALL his memories and didn't even know how to use a toothbrush at first AND when he's doing manhood "wrong" and sensitively and queerly, to a transmasc Daphne that's got to feel like "he doesn't even care about what it means to be a man so I have to care about it for both of us and I still don't get to be one!!! I don't want to think about it!!!!"

e) the way prescriptive religion ties in with him, doubting his gender role means doubting God which means potentially upending his entire community and being so fucking lonely. We only see Daphne for like. 1 minute of screentime lmao so it is for the best that they didn't pile on more side characters but it gives the impression that he doesn't have any friends**, which makes me think about how Marge Simpson doesn't have any friends (highly recommend the Lola Sebastian video about Marge) which makes me think about (my) fear of becoming a housewife with no friends.

So, I think Daphne is afraid of being himself with the (justified!) fear of losing his present community, but in trying to avoid that, he can't get truly close to people and thus causes that lonliness anyway. A vicious cycle...

f) Daphne is a character firmly discarded by Supernatural - which is fine, I don't want every 3 second character to keep coming back or we'd have 100 Cole's and I couldn't stand 1 Cole - but finding love for minor characters in spn has become a particular fascination of mine ❤️ mostly due to the sapphicnatural community 🧡 With the meta context that minor characters are not only disregarded by the characters amd writers but disregarded by GOD, for a character like Daphne who throws himself so firmly into faith that he marries a man whom - I cannot stress enough - he found in a river, that dramatic irony is so delicious. He's putting his life in service of a guy who, if asked, might not even remember his name. JUICY.

And e and f together beg the question, if it doesn't make him less lonely and if God [who is also a misogynist just btw] doesn't care what he does. Why is he putting himself through the agony of the closest. If his life is so flimsy that he can marry a stranger like it's nothing, why can't he pursue a life that makes him HAPPY?

g) Johanna Marlowe's performance of Daphne....she [the actor] just looks so strangely afraid? Daphne had just been attacked, but even when he's safe and looking up at Emmanuel, there's something fearful there I think:

Like maybe that's just how her face looks, but there's also the way she decided to touch him glancingly, hesitant and fleeting. Look at her physicality choices in her one scene. If I were just attacked by a demon and my spouse came and untied me, I would probably, like, hug them and find reassurance in them? But Marlowe says no. I will touch his face as quickly as possible and then let him drag me around. They're not even holding hands!! He grabs her wrist and she makes a fist! I never noticed that before that's crazy. Anyway this may have been directorial just to get through the scene quickly, there's a lot to get through in the episode, but regardless of the practical reasons behind her performance, it is Text and it is Strange!

And finally. I realised I do actually have a small headcanon. I think Daphne's transmasc new name is one of three:

Emmanuel (he chose the name, he should get to keep it!); Samson (biblical, raised according to the instructions of angels, had his dark night of the soul from his beloved cutting his hair [PS I think Daphne grows out his hair through transition]); or he keeps Daphne. He can still be Daphne if he wants. You can do whatever you want forever!

I also think he keeps his faith in God. His logic is that he asked for salvation -> Emmanuel appeared -> Emmanuel's questioning of his life brought him to true understanding of himself, and this must be holy.

*(I actually think Cas can also be attracted to women personally but this post isn't about him)

** also the fact that no one talked him out of marrying Emmanuel lmao

***Also from the Wikipedia recounting of the bible version he might be really into bondage??? Get it Samson!!

[meldingintheunderdark]

I've been reading your metas. While I do agree with some of your points there is one thing I can't help but strongly disagree on. I think Halsin enjoyers are aware of Halsin's faults, his trauma, his struggles. We don't all think he's "a healthy partner devoid of problems" but I believe in my opinion, that Halsin has the potential to heal, to do better, and maybe this commune can help him and help others, not fully per se but help heal in some way. It's not going to be smooth sailing, there will be bumps along the way, Halsin does need support, there's no denying that. I don't think Halsin enjoyers are naïve to that, we just want to see him happy as well. But reading these metas feels like... there is no hope for Halsin, the children in his care are doomed and I don't think that's the case. It won't be easy but not hopeless, it won't be perfect, there is still room to grow and learn (though I am following a more tav mindset than a dark urge mindset)

Thank you for reading my metas!

It's embarrassing but English isn't my first language, therefore I might not be as clear as I thought.

This said, I've mentioned many times my headcanons are my own. I don't believe Halsin's dream will explode in a great ball of fire but it'll most certainly not be as happy and lighthearted as it is in game. There will be consequences and not all of them will be positive.

Reading your comment, I fail to comprehend the issue.

Isn't it obvious there is no correct way to interpret Halsin's actions? Isn't it evident our perception and understanding are heavily influenced by our own life experiences, our knowledge, our fields of study, work, mental health, etc? Everything I write is inherently subjective.

From my point of view, when you read my metas, it's crystal clear I have a colossal obsession with fatherhood, unhealthy coping mechanisms or even avoidance regarding mental health, and the pain they cause to oneself and loved ones. I relate so intensely to Halsin, thus I'm extremely critical of his choices. You prefer to focus on him partly healing thanks to nine wagons of children. To each their own. I relate to him because his hurt hurts others unintentionally and I want to talk about this.

I also have every right to voice my thoughts, to be upset for dumb reasons and to share my questionable opinions. I haven't done any proper case study of the Halsin-centric fandom. Nevertheless, it's hypocritical to pretend the fandom isn't overwhelmingly focused on a positive analysis of Halsin and his ending, hence your reaction. It's just how fandoms work. Some opinions are overly represented, therefore an echo chamber is created and maintained. It's also very human to yearn for a comforting character who does good, tries his best and succeeds. I find comfort in a character who is hurting, hurts others and, paradoxically, is so very selfless, good-hearted and caring. I'm not saying Halsin is abusive or so foolish he'll doom the world. I've not claimed Halsin won't learn to live with his trauma, won't be happy or won't help people. The commune seems filled with traumatized adults and kids, Halsin is no therapist. Good intentions don't magically lead to solely good outcomes. Some may be fantastic. A few neutral. Others damaging. It's life.

Every content created is not made for you specifically either. If my posts are unpleasant, and I'm aware they can be, please spare yourself and block me.

Last but not least, I am a Halsin enjoyer. He's my favorite character. My tumblr is about Halsin and my Durge. They'll have their well deserved happily ever after. I simply imagine more heartache and pain than you do.

[currymanganese]

"About the Blogger" Meme

Thanks to @all-inmoderation @bioloyg & @imliterallyjustablackgirl for tagging me! ❤️

Star Sign(s):

Sagittarius Sun, Virgo Moon, Pisces Rising <- What does it all mean? No idea! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Holidays:

Eid, Divali & Christmas <- Not for religious considerations, I associate them with having lots of delicious food, which is precious to me. 🤰🏽

Last Meal:

A slice of pawpaw (papaya), stew chicken, black eyed peas, white rice and sorrel juice. <- #grateful thanks mom 😔

Current Favorite Musician:

Khruangbin because Mark, Laura and DJ are all super talented and disciplined musicians, but also because I want the band's lead guitarist, Mark Speer and the bassist, Laura Lee, but especially Mark Speer, in ways that would shock and alarm you, like IDK anything about his personal life, but I think I'd combust if I met him. Mark if you're reading this that smut chapter in my songfic WIP was only possible because I just know you're good with your-[GUNSHOTS] <- He's not reading this, finish the meme! 😤

Last Music Listened To:

Total Control by The Motels for a The Bear meta post that I did and Hope Tala's "All My Girl's Like To Fight' from my small playlist of songs that I headcanon that Syd and Carmy from The Bear (2022) listen to. The playlist serves as a writing aid for me because regardless of the actual musical tastes of Syd and Carmy in the show's canon, this is a small sample of what the two of them like to listen to as I've characterized them in my fic.

Last Movie Watched:

Precious (2009) I was traumatizing myself and [SPOILERS]

Carmen Berzatto in my WIP fic, because Syd insults him using a gif from the movie and Carmy ends up watching this film so he'd understand the reference because he is a loser and is obsessed with his totally platonic coworker and he wants to know everything about her. 😔

Last TV Show Watched:

Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, @devisrina convinced me, but I haven't finished watching it yet and I'm not to sure when I'll resume because The Bear and Sydcarmy still have me in thrall. 😔

Last Book/Fic Finished:

Last book finished, Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson. Last fic finished.....I shan't say - I'll describe it though - it was a seedy, sketchy, funny, smutty, crack ship one shot gag fic on AO3. I'm ashamed of myself, some of those words in that fic were in The Bible, but chile........anyways. Moving on!

Last Book/Fic Abandoned:

Last book I stopped reading - Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson - Dalinar Kholin, you stupid cunt, why do you always-[GUNSHOTS] <-Girl walk away from the book if it's stressing you that bad, c'mon now - the fictional character's dumb decisions can't hurt you. I'm actually planning on finishing it someday, but I watched The Bear when I was a quarter of the way through the book and now I am totally useless for almost everything else.

Currently Reading:

Ten Myths About Israel by Ilan Pappe, get a free ebook copy of it here while you can. Also the Gaza Diary by Ziad, a 35 year old Palestinian man.

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation:

High blood pressure and pregnancy, and maternity leave in the US of A, and before that CBT case studies and CPTSD and ADHD, and before that meningitis and sepsis. <- All for my current Sydcarmy WIP.

Favorite Online Fandom Memory:

The day Richonne went canon, or rather that era. <- Love it when racists suffer, schadenfreude can be something so personal. 🥴

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence:

I want Star Wars and BNHA to be good, but alas....Next question. <- Anyways these franchise/series are making money hand over fist still, nobody cares if I never care about them again, but I do love the ship Inko Midoriya/All Might from BNHA and I ship UkaTake from Haikyuu!! <- I had a lot of fun in that niche marketplace for a time.

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did:

The Blue Castle by LM Montgomery FUCKS severely - I'm glad that it got a boost on here with The Blue Castle Book Club. Ms. Montgomery put her whole pussy into that book, every single cell and I relate to the book's protagonist, Valancy, quite a lot.

Also, The Queen's Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner has a smallish, but fairly active following on Tumblr, but it deserves the energy that is devoted to some more popular YA fantasy/historical novel series. <- All of these books are re-readable af, 10/10 no notes.

Tempting Project You're Trying to Reign In/Don't Have Time For:

No such thing because I am unemployed. <- have mercy on me O God! It's been the first year of my adult life that I haven't been in university or running myself through the gristmill of capital and I feel trapped and anxious and fed the fuck up. I hate it here, goddamn!

Sorry to end on such a bummer of a note, but thank you for reading if you've read this far and please, regardless of if you were tagged, play along if you can! I've seen a lot of my mutuals tagged in these things before, so apologies if you've already done this, but*

@vacationship @anxietycroissant @bulabujalam @tvfantic87 @devisrina @dreadfuldevotee @mod-doodles <- please come back to me, Mod, darling, I miss you! 🥲 @jub-jub @pureseasalt <- bestie I miss you too! @ashluvsu4ever @cchickki @parrradiseeee @margaery-bonaparte-said-so @seleneofthejungle @prowitchazel @gardenianoire @artemis0404 @polymorphposting @hauntedstrawberrygiver @justabovewater20 @monetbonet @sab-teraa @agoodworkerdoes @melfinawins @melaninerd @iwantadecentblogname @persephonelovesbooks @november-rising @yannaryartside @bitchqueenofthebitchsquad @waywarddeee @myelegieseulogizeme @paddington22017 @ruethrills @techliche @erins-quinn @sydcarmyfan @lunasink @perkedelktg @couldbemaybe @msmoiraine @darkostudios-blog @angelica4equity @theonlyamazingtazmin @mswyrr @chansoooo1-blog

*pretends all of your blog names rhyme with pikachu*, I choose you!

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

https://www.tumblr.com/perfectlypanda/659481021941710848/zutara-and-the-unimportance-of-canonicity

what do you think about it?

The points I agree with

1 - A ship being canon or not does not tell us anything about the quality of said ship.

2 - Zutara fans need to chill with craving canon validation.

3 - The spin-off works like the comics and The Legend Of Korra often contradict the canon of the original show, and thus people need to either take only one as canon and ignore the other, or have "double-thinking" to take both as true. Honestly, even just within the original show there are canon inconsistencies: We are told in Book 2, by Iroh himself, that he got the nickname "Dragon of The West" by breathing fire on his enemies like a dragon, but in Book 3 we get ANOTHER explanation for that name, that it is a title given to someone that killed an actual dragon.

4 - Bryke can be real dicks sometimes. Saying "you like this ship, therefore you're doomed to always have bad relationships" is just pure nonsense, because even with stuff that actually IS deeply problematic, what really tells if a person's idea of how romance works is deeply unhealthy is not their enjoyment of the fictional relationship, but rather if they can tell what would or would not be okay okay in real life. I LOVE Beauty & The Beast, this does not mean I think people should marry someone that held them as prisoners. Azula is my favorite character and I would like her to have a redemption arc (and for the comics to stop claiming that being mentally ill means you're evil and any abuse you suffer is justified because you're "crazy and unstable" even when you're not doing anything) - this does not mean I think she never did anything wrong and am "part of a cult" like Bryke said.

The point I slightly disagree with

"There is no canon confirmation that Aang and Katara kissed for the first time in Cave Of Two Lovers" that one is partially true - we did not see the kiss, and the characters did not mention it at other points in the story... but COME ON, if they didn't kiss, why were Aang and Katara blushing at the end of the episode, when hearing the song about Oma and Shu? Sure, it's not explicit confirmation, but it is the show VERY STRONGLY hinting that the kiss absolutely happened.

The point I REALLY disagree with

"Zutara would have objectively been a stronger narrative choice" No. Just no. Not only do I feel it would not have been a better choice than Kataang and Maiko, I say it would be a TERRIBLE writting choice.

I could end this post with a "we'll just have to agree to disagree", but unfortunatelly I can't, because this person did not say "In my opinion, Zutara would be the superior choice, here's a link to my thoughts on why that is" They said "OBJECTIVELY Zutara would be the superior choice, here's the list of 'proof' I got."

And that's the thing I cannot stand with Zutarians. Even when they're making a solid point (in this case "This fandom gotta chill with using canon to dunk on other people's personal preferences, or demanding their headcanons to be elevated to canon so they can dunk on other people's headcanons") they HAVE to ruin it by going "But Zutara is totally the best and if you disagree with me, you are just completely incorrect" without a shred of irony or self awareness.

This really is their equally terrible alternative to "It is totally canon, people just think otherwise because of an evil conspiracy Bryke was in charge of." Instead of saying that, they go with hidden entitlement "Canon does not equal good... but Zutara SHOULD have been canon because it is scientifically proven, by me, that it is the best ship ever"

People have every right to disagree with me when I say Zuko and Katara would never work as couple, or ever be into each other in the first place. They can write all the meta about it too. But they do not have the right to try to force me to change my mind - be it explicitly or trying to be sneaky about it.

[siriusly-sapphic]

thoughts on nobleflower i need to know i have so much in my brain

Oh oh oh! Yes!

Okay so I'm a little sick and my thoughts about anything Narcissa femslash related are usually already all over the place so? Bear with me while I type this on my phone?

First: let me establish the specific setting. Since I tend to mess about with Narcissa's age a little depending on the ship bc the canon Black family tree is a right mess that I've decided I can do whatever I want with. For alicissa tho, I tend to just go with Narcissa being 4/5 years older than the marauders, and Alice being like a year older than Narcissa.

And as for any Narcissa headcanon I have, I'm writing this with the idea of trans!narcissa in mind, though it works very similarly if you imagine her as cis. If you want more context for how I see trans!narcissa in canon compliant settings, I have a 7K meta post here but it's not necessary for this (I just like linking it).

Also we're going with some canon compliancy here. No happy endings today.

So.

Alicissa is one of those ships that, for me, starts out genuinely cute. Like... dorcissa starts out as denial and rivalry, narlily can end cute but starts messy. Alicissa starts sweet. It starts hopeful.

It starts in an icecream shop.

I'd say it starts the summer before Narcissa's 5th year, which is the time I headcanon she comes out as trans and has begun her transition. Which means 1. She is quite terrified of making 'another' mistake to embarrass her family and 2. The scariest moments of her life have just been blasted over Witch Weekly and the Daily Prophet. She is scared, she's being very brave about it, and she gets mean when she's nervous. (Well. Meaner than usual.)

Alice has a type of girl she loves and that type is brave and mean and a little sassy.

So you know, when Narcissa comes into Florean Fortescue's, ignores all the stares she gets, and gets snappy when Alice teases her about mint-chocolate chip being the worst flavour to order.... what choice does she really have except to fall in love right then and there?

And I think on Narcissa's side, developing any crush on a girl will always come with a bit of angst. Because from the moment she transitions, she has a very clear path in mind of what to do and what to be in order to make her family proud of them again. (I could go into more detail, but honestly for that if you're interested see the meta linked above.) And dating girls... not a part of that plan.

But she wants to.

And Alice makes it easier to be brave.

They're prefects in different years and different houses and they're good at keeping secrets and Narcissa can get Kingsley, the head boy, to move the prefect schedule so that she and Alice have rounds together. (She knows that Kingsley's into Rodolphus Lestrange like no other, and like I said. She can be a little mean.)

And I think that for that first year. The first two years, even, when they’re still at school and life hasn't gotten quite so tainted with war yet? They're happy. And they're cute. And it feels good. Like it can last.

It can't. Obviously.

One headcanon is that Narcissa starts struggling in school bc yknow she's going through some shit, and maybe there's a subject or two she's never been a natural at and is now falling behind in, and it just so happens that Alice is really good at that. So they can meet publicly in the library while Alice tutors her and Narcissa struggles to get over her embarrassment for needing a tutor.

Narcissa has only ever missed one quidditch game (she hates the game, but her best friends are the Lestrange brothers (oh yes that gets painful later) and they play on the team, sonshe has to go). That's the game Alice convinces her to come into the Gryffindor common room while everyone is gone and they make out in front of the fireplace.

They almost get caught. Narcissa avoids her for about a week. They never take that risk again.

And then the war. Alice graduates first, and I see her as being quite determined to make a difference in the war and unsure how to do it. Obviously the Order is a very secret organisation, and she doesn't know about it immediately, so she becomes an auror.

That's also where she meets her future husband Frank Longbottom (bless that man).

Meanwhile Narcissa is a seventh year, her best friends are losing their parents and are drowning in it and she is trying to balance NEWTs and helping the Lestrange twins and the ever important thing of Not Disappointing Her Parents (Again).

I think, however unjustly so, she starts blaming it on Alice for leaving. Which is obviously not actually Alice's fault bc that's just how gradustion works, but it's easier to blame a girl with who it never could've worked out (and maybe shouldn't have worked out as long as it did), than it is to realise that this is just a shitty collection of circumstances. Or worse, to blame her family. She can never blame her family. (She feels she owes her family too much to blame them)

So by the time Narcissa graduates, she's planning an engagement with Rabastan Lestrange that will fall through soon enough and she hasn't told Alice about yet. Alice, at that point, is an auror who's working together with Frank and feels so very betrayed when she does find out about Narcissa's engagement.

It's one of those things that has always been inevitable. But that Alice couldn't help but secretly hope wouldn't happen anyway.

And I think that's where it goes wrong.

Because Alice tells her not to marry Rabastan, around the same time that Rabastan is trying very hard to destroy everything good in his life because grief isn't kind, and Narcissa is the best damn thing to have happened to him. Druella Black ("you should do better than a miserable second son"), Alice Fortescue ("just get away from all of it"), and Rabastan Lestrange ("why are we bothering anyway?") himself, all tell her to break off an engagement that brought her SO much joy when it became reality.

And so Narcissa decides to hate all of them for it.

Except she can’t. Obviously. But she decides she does anyway.

Because Druella is still the mother she wants to be proud of her, and Rabastan is still her best friend who she wants to protect, and Alice is still the first person she ever really fell in love with. She can’t hate them. But she wants to.

But I think that strains alicissa's relationship a lot. Because it shows that Narcissa isn't just mean, she can be cruel and delusional. And it makes it clear that it doesn’t really matter how much Narcissa loves Alice (because she does. She really does.) Because as brave as Narcissa can be, she's a scared young woman who seeks to protect herself. And protecting herself in pureblood society means marrying a suitable pureblood wizard. It doesn’t mean running away with a halfblood witch and hoping life turns out alright.

Narcissa has always protected herself by planning ahead and following her plan. Alice doesn’t fit into that. And Alice isn't the type of woman who will wait around to see if Narcissa's plans change.

So when Narcissa gets engaged to Lucius Malfoy, and her happy and perfect smile is all over the Daily Prophet, Alice accepts Frank's invitation for a date.

And for a while that's that.

There's some looks, because Frank is a Longbottom and while he's on his way to become a traitor, his great aunt was a Black and he still gets invited to notable pureblood events. Not for long, but long enough. There are some strained conversations and longing glances and even, once or twice, guilt-ridden hookups when their respective husbands are out.

Alice feels a whole lot more terrible about that than Narcissa does. She loves Frank. I swear she does.

Alice is a renowned auror and joins the Order and is a genuine danger to any death eater who comes her way. Narcissa is terrified every day that her husband might die at her lover's hands — or god forbid the other way around.

Alice grows to hate Narcissa during that war. Because how dare she attend charity galas to safekeep the victims of a war, when she damn well knows it's her friends and family waging that war. The hypocrisy and the cruelty too much.

Alice likes her women brave and a little mean. Not cowardly and cruel.

They become mothers around the same time. Two months apart. When they’re both pregnant, they see each other occasionally in the same maternity shops and healer waiting rooms. There's a kinship there and this very strong desire for a closer bond, that ultimately can't withstand the hatred and the mistrust that the war and Narcissa's choices have brought upon them.

And then the war is over.

Narcissa and Lucius manage to escape any time in azkaban. Alice and Frank can finally settle and mourn their loved ones. All four of them can look at these beautiful young boys in their arms and hope with all their might that their lives will be easier.

(It’s unclear when the attack on the Longbottoms happened. We know it happened after the war, and we know it happened when people had just begun feeling safe again. We know there was enough time for Crouch sr to start greying by the time the Lestranges were put on trial.)

But that wrecks Narcissa.

I wanna say that Alice and Narcissa stopped actively seeing each other when the war ended. Alice doesn't want to have an affair when she is genuinely happily married and she has a son. Maybe she's trying for a second child.

But Narcissa’s best friends in the world. The family I tend to describe as "what the Potters and James were to Sirius, the Lestranges and Rodolphus were to Narcissa". And her sister. Two of whom knew just how fucking important Alice Fortescue was to Narcissa, once upon a time.

I genuinely don't think Narcissa believed it, when the Lestranges were first accused of that crime. I don't think she wanted to believe them capable of it. And when it turned out to be true.... I have so many thoughts about that connection I could fill another and longer post. But it wrecks her.

Narcissa only visits Alice once.

It's under the guise of "seeing what her sister has done, to put it behind her". Augusta Longbottom is there, in absolute pieces because her only son is gone. Neville is there, Draco's age. Alice doesn't recognise her. Narcissa thinks it might be better that way.

Narcissa just really doesn't belong there. And she doesn't belong there because of her own choices, her own mistakes. And I think that realisation breaks her even further.

Only one of them remembere what they used to be, and Narcissa selfishly wishes that it wasn't her.

Okay and this is getting long so. The rest is just little moments of pain. Draco writing home about how stupid this Longbottom kid is? The absolute guilt of knowing her darling boy is bullying the son of the woman Narcissa loved most? Post war, when maybe Neville is old enough to want to know more about Alice and find out that there aren’t many people alive who remember Alice when she was young. But Narcissa does.

And don't even get me started on the Lestranges escaping Azkaban. That's agony right there. I have no time. But also I have SO many thoughts and all of them heard more than the other so one day I'll inflict them on others.

This became so long I'm sorry lmao, but I hope you like the thoughts. This is why happier fix it AUs exists.

[swanmaids]

do you have any thoughts on maeglin or maeglin slander to share? he's a character i struggle to get hold on because of how divided the fandom opinions are and gondolin is your area of interest and your latest fic was so!!! if not than it's totally fine, feel free to ignore this <3

Ah Maeglin... Maeglin Maeglin Maeglin. Certainly a divisive character to say the least. I'll say first that I don't hate him, but those who hardcore love him may not like this post.

To start - yes, Maeglin's early start in life was horrible, growing up isolated with a violent father. And his early start in Gondolin was equally horrible, with his father murdering his mother in an attempt to murder him (side note. I think a part of Maeglin was probably relieved at Eol's death. Not all of him obviously, but there's a reason why domestic violence is sometimes referred to as "intimate terrorism" and knowing he was finally free of that terror would matter.). I also don't blame Maeglin for giving up the location of Gondolin under threat of torture. Hurin's resistance is a unique thing. I see Maeglin revealing the location as quite similar to Gorlim's betrayal - it's tragic and the one at fault is the dark lord.

However. His treatment of Idril is not okay, and I'm not okay with the way that the fandom seems to handwave it. See - it was a cultural misunderstanding, she was the only person who was nice to him and he didn't know how to react (not canon), she only hated him because she was prejudiced (not canon, also don't slander Idril), he was just a child (not canon, he was an adult when he left Nan Elmoth and it was his idea). Also, I'd like to see it aknowledged more that when he tries to take her as the city falls, he's taking her as his war prize to be raped - and in at least one version, willing to kill her son to do so. Of course people can have their own headcanons and write fic about whatever they want! I'd just rather see it not presented as gospel in metas.

Now. I'm not saying people can't like characters who have done terrible things or want them to find redemption. I have my own share of shitty faves who I want to have their utterly undeserved happy endings (hiiiiiiiii Celegorm!!) I just wish it was aknowledged more what the character was actually like in canon - aka not a poor woobie baby hated by everyone who did nothing wrong.

That fic was quite a personal one for me to write as I'm sure some readers have guessed, and I've been both pleased and saddened by the reaction to it - pleased that people have thought it resonates, but saddened that lots of people can relate to Idril's position there. Your own comments on it were very sweet, thank you so much!

[primordyalsoul]

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

the moment i started watching/reading eva rei was the character that intrigued me the most. she had such a magnetic, melancholy presence that always touched me, and the initial journey of discovering her origins made me SO sad i had to explore it.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

hmm not much I don't think? the only thing I can think of is something I don't even write and that's the CSA implications in rei's story. It's not something I think would come up much in threads anyway, but I avoid it because bc I wouldn't feel comfortable dealing with it.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

oh man, basically everything i do here ! particularly the different relationships Rei gets to develop...i get legit emotional thinking about her slowly realising she matters as a Person and not as an object or an end to a means. I also love writing the dichotomy between her wisdom and her inexperience, because she's very wise and perceptive but at the same time is a child who's very limited in life.

i also LOVE writing hcs and metas!! there's so much to explore i never get sick of it. I haven't posted any of them yet bc i still have to make my thoughts coherent, but i especially love writing about rei's ""childhood"", as in her time as Rei 1. I also wanna write about the difference between Rei 2 and Rei 3 and explore how I can portray that in how I write them.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

they're not headcanons, rei's my character everything i say about her is law.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

i gotta have something, usually music, something from rei's playlist.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

hmm both, really. when I read a reply from a mutual I find it very easy to pick out lines that stand out to me, which I then try to either incorporate in my response or build on how Rei reacts to it (which is always fun bc she's a very introspective character)

When writing I blurt out whatever comes to mind then spend a while re-wording + rearranging...a lot of the times i get stuck on a particular thing bc i want it to sound a certain way.

But when I can't start working on a reply right away I'll bullet point my ideas or any lines I wanna use then draft it so I don't forget.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

I do ! I think at heart I'm very lovey dovey so I do enjoy shipping a lot. Writing and drawing a ship I have with someone makes me very happy, and it's always so fun developing the relationship and seeing how it blossoms. Despite this, I don't have many romantic ships across any of my blogs, but I don't really mind or care because I have so many lovely platonic + familial dynamics that I find just as if not more investing.

For Rei, in general she's not the most shippable. She struggles enough with making friends as is, and has so many emotional and mental struggles that make it difficult for her to connect with others. BUT she's also a sweetheart and always gives her everything into her relationships, so it's fun and very cute when she gets crushes <3

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

Sumin or Su <3

ᴀɢᴇ?

twenty-one

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

january 17th

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

yellow, orange, red and pink and blue and-

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

always changing ! But as of late I've had these on repeat ; e.dge of seventeen by s.tevie nicks, n.othing matters by the l.ast dinner party, blast doors by e.verything e.verything, e.njoy the silence by d.epeche mode and ALL of the so much for s.tardust album by F.all Out Boy,

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

D.une p2

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

exactly one ep of Dun.geon M.eshi. I stopped bc I KNOW I'll get sucked into but I cannot be distracted rn!! I got a degree to finish!!

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

Everyone Adores You (At Least I Do) by M.att M.altese

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

ogugh so many....chicken curry, pine tart, turon, mochi, etc etc etc

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

I love autumn! But I'm also very fond of early spring

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

many :) i'm very thankful for the people i've met here

i yoinked this from @cloistress bc it looked fun! I'll tag: @gravltas , @dnangelic , @foolshoujo , @dimitresca , @enshijou , @kudakenai , @allevils @nagarese , @043094 aaand anyone who wants to! steal from me <3