#i cant even focus on numbers because i don't know the date

[gentil-minou]

Hello! I’ve loved your ml psychology analyses, and I was wondering if you’d being to answer a question of mine! I’ve been thinking on whether or not I want to study psychology and be a counselor, as I love to figure out how people (fictional characters for the most part lol) end up the way they do, and what is influencing their choices. I also really like to help other people who are struggling and try to give them as much support as possible because I’ve also struggled in the past, and I thought that maybe analysis and Listening skills would indicate that I might like the career, but I’m still unsure. Sorry for the rambling, but I guess I was just wondering what made you want to work in mental health and did you find your initial idea of what psychology is vs what you learned in school to be jarring? Sorry to bug, but I thought hearing what someone who’s work I look up fo would think!

ahhhh i always love questions like this because this field is, in my humble and completely unbiased opinion, one of the most important out there, and so i just love when folks are interested! especially because it's such a rewarding career even with all its difficulty!

Read more cause i rambled too much what a shock hfdjsd

my own path towards becoming a therapist is a bit of a weird one because i didn't actually take any psych classes until I was getting my masters in it shjdjkdfs (I was originally in STEM sciences).

becoming a therapist kind of happened by fortuitous happenstance: i was a teacher and found i had an especially great talent for getting kids to open up and talk about themselves and their worries. i'm also very neurodivergent and have my own complicated healing history, and once i got better i realized i really didn't want kids to go through what i went through growing up. it feels a bit selfish but in the best way, because by helping kids out i can make up for the time i spent suffering. it makes me feel good, i guess if that makes sense djkfhds

anyways, my rambling aside i think there are a couple main takeaways that i hope people going into this field can be prepared for so!

practice!!!!!!!!!!! like seriously this is one field where i think the best practice is by doing.

therapy is kinda like dating, in that sometimes you won't click with your client and they might ask to see someone else. it might not be anything personal or it might be, maybe wrong gender or ethnicity or orientation, or they just don't like your vibes. it will be okay, and it doesn't mean anything about you. when that happens i usually focus on the clients i have clicked really well with and remind myself that the client who is leaving is looking to get the best support possible, and it helps

dont trust the movies, it's way more complicated than just asking how someone feels. a lot of times people don't know how they're feeling. kinda got to work your way up to it, and first learn what feelings are

get comfortable with silence. i hate it, i suck at it. but sometimes you gotta make it reallyyyyy awkward before it can get better and the client cant open up

you will have to explain things so sometimes it will feel a lot like teaching. but it's not always so bad

so many fucking acronyms. be prepared

don't be your friends/family's therapist. don't offer unsolicited advice, unless they are open or interested. once you recognize the signs and can diagnose people it becomes waaaaay too easy. it's not always welcome, and sometimes we have to be okay with that

people won't always have the same values or opinions as you, and sometimes it might be triggering. i have a number of clients i wouldn't like or want to be around outside of work, and that's okay. remember to check in with yourself and let yourself have feelings. rely on your empathy and understanding to remind you that the person is what matters, not their beliefs/values. and what your job is

if you work with kids (both young and teens) you will have to work with parents. it might not be fun, but you gotta

you are human, you are born with emotions. you WILL be affected by the things people say and are going through. it isn't easy. the most important thing for anyone in this field is to get their own therapist and really make sure you stay on top of your self-care. think of it like how on airplanes you have to put an oxygen mask on yourself before you can help others; you have to help yourself before you help others.

depending on what you might specialize in (for me it's depression and anxiety) there is a significant chance you might lose a client in the worst way. it will suck and you will grieve, and it will be okay but not really. it's the reality of the field and one that's hard to accept, but i hope folks realize that

nothing beats the feeling of a client you've been seeing for a while start to unconsciously do the things you practiced in session. actually the one thing that beats it is when the client realizes they've gotten better and have made progress. it's the best feeling in the world

kinda related to the last one but it's not uncommon for someone who has made loadsssss of progress to end up experiencing something minor or major that spirals them down. they will feel bad and upset and disappointed, and that's normal. just remember that life is a series of hurdles and it's important to get back up.

this goes the same for therapists!!!! you will make mistakes! and it will be okay! you might say or do something that you think back on and go ah shit i really shouldnt have done that. and that's okay, just get back up and try again

I realize this is becoming very long and may not be as specific, but i feel like this is what i learned that was most valuable over my years in this field. if you have any specific questions i'm happy to go into more details (though my education was a bit unorthodox soooo)

[louiseyesinsky]

Your recent posts make me feel really identified. I feel like everything is going downhill. I've lived all of Louis solo career and you can't really put a finger where does it start, or where it gets better. Its always been the same thing and we always justify it with "stunts". I was really excited about the tour and the documentary and all that excitement just flew away for this shit. I love him so much but I love his career better, and if all they can give us is his private life then I'm unstanning. He also doesn't look miserable in the photos or uncomfortable to me

Hi! for those who are here from the beginning all this is tiring. Just today i thought i was 13/14 when i really started to get into oned and now i'm 24, 10 years of these bullshit and yeah solo louies cant understand most of them are here from pandemic? After lockdown? They will never understand how we are feeling. Today I read "you are childish" "act as a 22" (so the age of the girl) "it's no the end of world" and other things...him fake date a girl for a year, two years whatever isnt the end of world i fucking know it, "the end of the world" is his team after 283783 years still prioritize his "private life" still put money on it instead of putting money on real promo and still sell an image and narrative no longer sells, we are no longer in 2000-2010. Also he is losing fans from the beginning of FITF promo because that promo, that narrative, a good team would have looked at those numbers and said "ok let's find what's wrong and fix it" no "let's add material so that he loses even more fans".

I promised myself that from tomorrow I will try not to comment his 'private life', if they are as d*uis i will wake up every day with shit...*gasp* i cant. Try it too, just focus on his music (i know it's difficult cause with louis his career is almost his 'private life' 😑) I don't know if I can as you can see I can't hold my tongue, but let me know how it goes for you

[atnaturesmercy]

my brain is actually broken and irreparable. im never going to escape the broken record bathtub drain. i despise it. i almost convinced myself i was a person. no, fuck, i did. i actually want to be taken out back and shot like a lame horse. i'm about to snap and have a nervous paranoid-psychotic breakdown. everything is hilarious, nothing has consequences. plaything. doll. pet. mommy's little helper. hm. tired of keeping it all together. not tired because i want to spiral (i don't), but tired because of the effort it's taking. when the fuck will it pay off. things like that. im like five coffees in trying not to day drink

[nordic-language-love]

Hei :) I have aquestion about learning japanese. Because, I try to learn kanjis, but I cant get it all in my head. when i see the kanji, i know what it means, in my own language but i cant remember the japanese word for it. its like, i see a picture of a dog and i know its a dog. do you have a trick when learning kanji? knowing a kanji is easy, knowing a word not so much:/

Hi there! I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask as I'm still a beginner (I'm going to assume you are too), but I'll tell you my experience:

I had a similar problem the first time I tried learning Japanese. I spent a lot of time practising writing kanji and trying to learn to recognise them, and I ended up not making much progress with the language. I could recognise and draw the kanji for something, but I wouldn't know how to say it. Even now my Japanese teacher will ask me if I know how to say X in Japanese and I'll tell her "I know how to draw the kanji" (which is super not useful in the middle of a conversation lol).

My number one advice to you (assuming you're a newbie like me) is just don't focus so much on kanji. You don't need to be able to write kanji at beginner level - you can write everything in hiragana and katakana (and maybe some basic kanji). You'll learn to recognise kanji through exposure to it, and then you can learn to draw it at a later date.

My second piece of advice is to type Japanese on your phone/computer. Handwriting practice is important too, of course, but you can't just type kanji on a computer; you have to type the hiragana, and then it'll suggest kanji for you. You can check it's the right one by cross-referencing with Jisho or google translate. By practising typing the hiragana, you'll be forced to learn the actual word and not just the kanji. If you're using Duolingo, use the keyboard to type rather than just choosing the correct words as much as possible.

Another thing you can do is use reading materials for beginners (such as NHK Easy News), which will usually have furigana over the kanji you're reading. That way, you get used to seeing the kanji and also how it's pronounced.

I also recommend practising speaking! You don't have to get a tutor or a conversation partner if that's too much for you, but practise saying words aloud and maybe talking to yourself (even if you're just mumbling under your breath because you're worried your family/housemates will hear you). You can't just draw kanji when you're speaking, so you'll need to get used to saying the words aloud.

In a nutshell: learn the word first, make sure you're completely confident with it, and only then learn the kanji.

Hope that helps! Good luck with your Japanese journey!

If anyone else has any tips, please do reblog/comment and share them!

[iyabutterfly]

Im ready to throw my hands in the air, and give my kids away to the first person that raises their hand. What advice do you have for this single mother? Im stressed. I can't find a way out. It doesn't matter what "best decision" I make, because it always ends up bitting me in the rear. And I'm only human, so you already know I make "bad decisions" as well.

I just never saw myself as a Single Mother. I was with my Children's Father since high-school. 14 years we made it. We never got married, and that's only my second mistake. My first mistake was committing and moving in so young. I was too young, so what did I know? We got together junior year, and I moved in with his parents right after graduation. Never even had a real date. Like, whoo raised me??!! (That's a whole other post on childhood traumas😒)

Anyway, I gave him ALL of me. All of my time and commitment. All of my love and nurturing. I wasn't perfect but my world revolved around him, his family and his needs. Who knows what that did to me and my family?? It estranged me. I'm the second oldest of my Mothers 6 kids. The 4th oldest of my Fathers 5 and when my Mother finally married, that added 5 more to my list. "You only call when you need something" "Where's *******?" At this point I'm just ashamed and embarrassed.

We broke up so many times...And took each other back....again and again. TOXIC MADNESS. verbal abuse. mental abuse. physical abuse. I played my toxic role. No lies. I won't even make excuses about how "I can only take so much before I clash back". Because sometimes, I picked with him first.

And it wasn't always all bad. We had some amazing times as well. I know he loved me just as much as I loved him. I just don't know what happened. Where did I fail? NOW I have nothing. I stayed at home and taught my boys and catered to him for so long, I'm lost now. No home. No financial or emotional support. My anxieties are through the roof. Everything that I spent my young life creating, just ripped away. I'm really so angry AND sad.

And now I'm really screwed up, because my anxieties and depression led me to alcohol. I got into trouble. And not just once. My record is now tampered with, making it hard to get a decent paying job. And the decent paying ones that I can get are so far away that it's hard to balance my life on the bus line. School is starting back up Monday. Due to my living situation, I have to take the bus to get them to school. The bus is my life.. What does their Father help me with?? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not a penny. Not an hour. And do you know why? Because I won't give him sex. He feels like if he does anything for me, then he deserves my body. Im halfway tempted to give in, for a number of reasons. I need help. I CANT THINK STRAIGHT. I CANT FOCUS. I have so much to get done and think about, I can't think. The boys are always with me. I had to take them to an interview 😫 Guess how that went. Nothing I start gets completed. I'm looking and looking into resources. Either nothing for me, or I'm not in the district or I simply missed the appointment. I'm up late night because it's my only place and then I can't hear my alarm in the am. ON TOP OF needing to get things done, I have these handsome, innocent sweet little boys that deserve the world. I can't give it to them. I get impatient 😔 I yell. It's killing me that they have gone through so much, and I'm just putting them through more. It's killing me that I can't tend to all their needs. I'm dying inside. I need my village but it doesn't seem that I have one. I let my relationship shut everyone out, and now it's just too late. I really can go on and on and on. I could write books detaling my life and Noone would ever get bored. I guess the advice that I need is

HOW DO YOU FOCUS?

HOW DO YOU, as a Single parent, juggle life with work and kids and cleaning and self care? How do you get these things done, without pulling out your hair or thrusting your head through the wall?

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 14

post directory

obsetress:

obsetress: viola

em: holy shit

em: i think viola could hold a truly ridiculous number of things in her hands

em: danis like i have a little fanny pack right here- and violas like (turns up nose) absolutely not

obsetress: pre therapy viola during her relationship w dani: buys dani a birkin too, is like "here baby, so you don't have to use that fanny pack"

obsetress: dani's like "oh. i, um. like my fanny pack"

obsetress: viola therapy era after her relationship with dani: buys her a hermes fanny pack instead

obsetress: jamie rolls her eyes but dani is literally

em: i think a lot abt viola offering solutions completely unprompted n then being really offended when ppl dont take her up on it

em: pre therapy obvs

obsetress: SAME

obsetress: oh link is gross

obsetress: cost is grosser

obsetress: but viola lloyd dropping $2550 on a fanny pack for her ex gf? chefs kiss

---

obsetress: ok just remembered viola slouching or leaning or w/e n like

obsetress: brain practically applying that to exes au and imagining when and where she'd slouch n everyone's reactions to htat

obsetress: bc like she has perfect posture but when she chooses to do it it's a power move

obsetress: and i. hm

em: yeah

obsetress: viola sitting up stock straight when they first get to brunch and as soon as she's ordered her bloody mary shes pulling off her sunglasses and dropping them on the table and just sinking back

em: how to phrase this w/o sounding too much like a whore

em: actually no way to say this but like i feel v strongly abt the way we make women take up less space wrt to knees together calves touching type deal and i think maybe

em: maybe viola can manspread a bit as a treat

em: hate that term but i cant think of a better one

obsetress: nah she does n it's hot

obsetress: just had this image pre divorce of viola and arthur at marriage counseling on opp ends of the couch n arthur's sitting v tight close and vi is just

obsetress: leaning and spreading a lil

obsetress: the first time jamie sees her do it she's so taken aback

obsetress: because she's NOT expecting it

em: jamies like ah ok late in life lesbian deal and then jokes on her viola is fluent in dyke slouch

obsetress: jamie immediately trying to suss out just how long viola has been fucking women

obsetress: she says to dani later "i thought she was all proper like" and dani's like "she is" and jamie's like "so wot was that then" and dani's like "well, people are gay, jamie,"

em: ghfjhgljkJFDASJKKJFGA

em: jamies like so wait how long HAS viola been

obsetress: jamie: so you were vi's first serious girlfriend right? dani: dani: jamie: right???????

em: violas been fucking women longer than jamie has lbr

em: i mean shes clearly only 35, jamie,

obsetress: jamie: so... vi... viola: hm? jamie: you're, uh, gay, right? viola: obviously jamie: right. well dani told me you've been dating women since–– viola: since i was 15, yes jamie: but you married a man

em: violas like u went to jail everyone does stupid shit occasionally

em: jamie: so how long have you been dating women viola: since i was 15 jamie: no i meant like. in years viola raises her eyebrows and jamies just like haha nevermind fuck

obsetress: she tried!

obsetress: she tried

em: jamie on her 35th birthday pencilling 'many happy returns' into violas ????th 35th birthday card

em: yknow i think

em: i think something's afoot

obsetress: jamie, giving up on the direct approach

obsetress: slipping in next to rebecca at the wine bar

obsetress: "becca"

obsetress: "hi, jamie" "hi. how old is your girlfriend"

em: am fucking losing it thinking abt jamie like. realising how much gay energy viola has

em: like taken ABACK

obsetress: fksljfLKSDJFLJ

obsetress: just like

obsetress: why are jamies reactions to viola so funny

obsetress: montage of jamie realizing how much gay energy viola has

obsetress: jamie watching viola sitting

obsetress: jamie watching viola pick up a variety of glasses and mugs

obsetress: jamie watching viola compare hand sizes with dani, jamie's girlfriend and viola's ex girlfriend who she dated for literal years and whose hand size she definitely already knows

em: NOT THE HAND SZIES

em: they go for a walk and viola immediately complains about the sun and jamie's like

em: i have a spare hat but ur not gonna like it

em: its a snapback that says daddy or smthn in gold, owen got it for jamie for her bday, jamie Loathes it

obsetress: BYE

obsetress: viola looks better in it than jamie does

em: jamie has that

em: am i attracted to viola? moment

em: it passses

em: she has already compartmentalised the weird psychosexual power play

em: queen of compartmentalising

obsetress: jamie: had another one of those moments today dani: what moments? jamie: where i thought i might be attracted to vi dani: well, you did let her fuck you... what was it, four? times in one night, so

em: jamie; yeah but like that aside

em: jamie 'thats neither here nor there' taylor

obsetress: she is the queen of compartmentalizing tho

em: i was gonna be like. 'jamies like wait i dont remember saying four' but. i think she would tell dani

em: because the flip of that is dani callin up vi n i dont think she would necessarily

obsetress: i think she would and dani would make her anyway

obsetress: well make her is harsh but

obsetress: dani would very curiously ask in very convincing ways

em: lovingly coax it out of her

em: dani: what if i fucked you four times in o

obsetress: dani: let me do five

em: viola probably wears so many rings jamie doesn’t even clock the ever present thumb ring

obsetress: jamie just. writes it all off

em: am laughing abt like. viola v meticulously taking off every single ring and putting it in its proper location before...

obsetress: there is something. so hot about that

obsetress: im gonna scream i think

em: i was just meming and now im thinking abt it and

em: truly played myself

em: actually this is me refusing to unpack whatever the hell theo crain gloves made me feel

obsetress: sdkfmsldjfa

obsetress: fair

em: sublimate it into rings

obsetress: i just like um

obsetress: thinkin about when she and dani are together and like

obsetress: it's intentional and everything has its place but vi also makes a show out of it

obsetress: and like

obsetress: she's SO painstaking about it and definitely makes dani wait a little bit and

em: helps dani outta her big ass earrings

em: i mean dani doesnt even Need the help

em: viola meticulous lloyd

em: i mean she just wears so much goddamn jewellry

obsetress: she can tell when dani's getting impatient and goes even slower

em: viola has like

em: viola is one of thos ppl thats really into expensive watches

obsetress: !!!!!!

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: nice lil canon nod too

em: she drags dani to antique auctions n danis like i cant. actually tell the difference between the real and the forgery and violas like (passionately explains it for like 30 minutes) and dani is

em: like shes mentally checked out but also v intensely watching violas hands as she points to the parts of the watch

em: rebecca gets it tho

em: rebecca Gets It

obsetress: dani shoving vi into the bathroom at the auction house and tugging vi's hand between her legs v rebecca grabbing her own auction paddle and bidding against viola for the same watch

obsetress: (rebecca n vi fuck in the car on the ride home)

em: dani grabs a paddle n mimes spanking viola n then the auctioneer is like '$250 to 201' and danis like aw Fcuk

em: violas like i cant take u Anywhere

obsetress: dani gives her the 🥺😌and viola's immediately over it and pulling out $250

obsetress: dani: i didn't even want it, i was just–– vi: i know dani: what am i even gonna do with a–– vi: i'll sell it for $500 at a private auction next week dani: so technically i'm making you money dani, grinning: it's like i'm your employee dani: do you have any more assignments for me, boss? vi: dani get your hand out of my pocket i need to focu––

[ablackfangirlwrites]

New neighbor

Parts 1, 2

"By the way I cant make it to that thing...i sorta have a date." You told your friend

They frowned at you, "A date? You don't like people."

You laughed, "True...but this guy...is kinda cute."

Your friend rolled their eyes, "Whats his name?" they asked pulling out their phone

Your friend was a social media expert and could find anything about anyone

"What are you doing?"

"Making sure your not going out with a weirdo whats his name?"

You shrugged, "Takami Keigo...he mentioned he was a hero i think..."

You friend stared at you, "keigo...takami...like as in the hero hawks?"

You snapped your fingers, "Yeah he said that was his hero name you've heard of him?"

"Y/N!" They yelled at you

"Do you have any idea who that is?"

"I just assume he was a little hero I mean his wings are pretty big, but who really cares about some winged hero."

"Literally everyone!" They yelled at you

"Keigo takami is the number 3 hero!"

"What?" You asked not believing them

But they passed you their phone

You stared at it stunned

And saw a picture of your neighbor

You snatched the phone

And looked back at your friend

"I'm going on a date with him!"

They however didn't show you any sympathy "You should have know who hawks is."

You had a mortified look over your face, "how was I supposed to know that?"

Your friend looked at you like you were stupid, "hes like the hottest hero there is! Hell he's the number 3 hero right now."

"I cant go on a date with him!" You realized

You just were bewildered

You had just found out that your neighbor who you agreed to go on a date with was much more popular than you had ever imagined

How was he even your next door neighbor?

They laughed at you, Why not?"

You were scrolling through some pictures he took at some photo shoot

"Because-cause just look at him!"

Your friends just laughed at you, "shame hes hot and I’m sure they're a lot of others people who'd love to be in your shoes."

You just sat there thinking and feeling bad knowing that you were going to have to cancel your plans

It was a shame he was so cute

Keigo on the other hand was excited

It had been a while since he talked to someone in a romantic way

Sure he had a few flings here and there but they only talked to him since he was a hero

But you were going to be different

You didn't even know he was a hero and when you did found out you didnt care

Keigo for once actually had hope that this was going to be the start of a beautiful relationship

When he got home that day he saw you standing outside your door

Like you were waiting for something

"Hey there neighbor." He said with a cute smile

That made you heart flutter

Which really made you feel uneasy

He seemed like a real nice guy...and hell he had to be to an extent he was a the number 3 hero after all

"Hey..." you started, "So about that date..."

"I was thinking we could go out tomorrow night...i know this little dinner not that far-"

"I cant go on a date with you." You cut him off

Keigo just stared at you, "hmm? Like is tomorrow a bad day or?"

"I wont be dating you period..." you said avoiding his eyes

Keigo frowned and was going to say something but decided against it

"Okay...sure."

Feeling guilty you tried to stop him before he went into his apartment

"It inst you or anything...its an issue I have...but i hope we can still be friends."

Keigo clearly gave you a fake smile, "Of course no harm no foul."

You saw right through his response and figured it would be pointless to try and make him feel better so you left it at that

The two of you went into your apartments

For the rest of the night keigo was upset

He was really looking forward to going out with you

And if he was honest this was the first time he had been rejected

And it was keeping him up that night

And he hated it

He always got what he wanted and being told no was new to him

Not being able to take it anymore he got up and went to your apartment and knocked on your door

You answered your door tired obviously he had just woke you up but he didnt really care

Not caring how late into the night it was

He needed a answer

"Takami?"

"Okay but why?" Was what he asked sounding irritated

"Did i say or do something to upset you?"

"Hmm?" You yawned

And hawks couldn't help but think you were so cute in your pajamas with your hair wild and your sleepy eyes

But he couldn't focus on that now

Realizing what he was talking about you shook your head, "oh no. It wasnt you...i mean it is, but its nothing you can changed."

Hawks was even more confused, "What?"

You sighed, "look I try to make it a habit to not date heros."

Keigo looked at you dumbfounded, "But you knew i was a hero before you agreed-"

"Yeah, I know." You started to tell him, "but I thought you were some small hero who helped like the neighborhood kids or something silly like that. I had no idea you're the number 3 hero."

Hawks blinked at you, "So you wont date me because im the number 3?"

"Yes." You answered frustrated that he woke you up when he could have asked you all this earlier, "Now if you're dont mind I'd like to go back to bed."

Hawks just nodded and you closed your door

He didnt know your exact reason for not wanting to date heros

This was definitely a first for him

Everyone loved the fact that he was ranked so high

And here you were rejecting him because of it

But he had to admit now the rejection only made him want to change your mind

[nudibutch]

hii advice ask anon here, so for context, im 19 n ive only ever hooked up with guys before n that was ethically icky so it doesnt count in my head🤝. basicallt i dont have a lot of experience being a Participant in sex lol. anyway since covid ended (here) ive been going out more to clubs and bars and it made me realize i can pretty much have sex with a girl anytime i want since i get hit on a lot, and i want to. and im moving soon so im not really into dating rn so hookups r my best bet to do that. but idk how to approach it cause likeee. emotionally im fine with it and i feel like i dont need any accommodation on behalf of the person to make me comfortable or whatever. But physically. cant you TELL of someone has never had sex with a woman. cause i rly dont want them to be able to tell because its not that deep for me and i dont want it to be a thing but like rn for instance i would only feel comfortable being on the receiving end of anything if im just with with a random person bc of emotional reasons. but is that how club hookups even work?? isnt it rude to not want to reciprocate? sorry i know this sounds rambly but im pretty sure ur gonna get it or at least the overall theme😭 tldr:I just feel like if im already in 18+ queer spaces everyone around u assumes youre cool and confident about everythint n im only 50% that and i dont want to have to be in a loving committed relationship to have sex with a girl becayse im not into that rn. Thank u in advance sorry for the long rant and also ur so sweet for making that long reply post i appreciate it

hey there! thanks for elaborating. i'm going to answer the rest of your ask in parts below the cut since there are multiple things i want to comment on.

"anyway since covid ended (here)"

while covid restrictions may have been lifted in your area, still be careful! especially with non-pandemic related illnesses, such as STDs. if you need any pointers on how to have safe sex, especially with someone with a vagina (since I feel like that's less emphasized than condoms and dicks), please ask.

"im not really into dating rn so hookups r my best bet to do that. but idk how to approach it cause likeee. emotionally im fine with it and i feel like i dont need any accommodation on behalf of the person to make me comfortable or whatever."

define "make you comfortable"? hookups don't have to be completely devoid of caring. it's just two people looking for a fun time. if you're nervous, maybe it isn't the time to seek a hookup yet. i can't really tell you if you're ready or not; only you know that. but i do want to remind you that you should feel comfortable during the hookup -- if you aren't comfortable, it won't be an enjoyable experience for you.

for example, the closest thing i came to a "hookup" was a short fling i had (we had sex once and only hung out maybe two or three times). it was a waitress that had given me her number. we met for a date, made sure we both weren't weirdos, and talked a lot about other things and only had sex like 1/3 of the time we did our fling thing. but even during hooking up, we were communicating and checking in and even derailing a little with conversations.

again, your wording here is vague, but i just wanted to remind you that hooking up doesn't need to be super impersonal.

"But physically. cant you TELL of someone has never had sex with a woman."

i think the main thing you need to focus on is listening to the other person. i've had sex with different people, but each new person i have sex with there's an adjustment period because their body likes different things. so it's kind of like i'm having sex for the first time each time. even though i have a general sense of what people like on average, i'm always asking the other person if what i'm doing is good. and a lot of times, i have to change what i'm doing. no harm, no foul, strongly encouraged.

"cause i rly dont want them to be able to tell because its not that deep for me and i dont want it to be a thing"

this is a conflicting statement to me. it sounds like it's important to you, and i think you should really evaluate whether them "being able to tell" is something that will bother you or not. if it's seriously distracting to you, that might cause undue anxiety during sex, which will definitely make it less fun for you.

"for instance i would only feel comfortable being on the receiving end of anything if im just with with a random person bc of emotional reasons. but is that how club hookups even work?? isnt it rude to not want to reciprocate?"

1) you are allowed to have whatever boundaries you want. if that means only receiving, that is 100% okay. in general: it's okay to only want to receive. you aren't selfish.

2) here's how any sex, club hookup or not, should work: you lay out your boundaries. you do not owe that person an explanation unless you want to give one. the person lays out their boundaries. you both say "yeah im okay with that!" and have sex.

if you say "hey, i'm really only okay receiving right now, this is just where i'm at" and they shit on you or pressure you to reciprocate, thats not a person you should be having sex with.

additionally - there are plenty of people out there (like me!) who only want to give and prefer giving. main takeaway is that you should not EVER feel like you need to relinquish your boundaries for someone else, no matter if it's a club hookup or a serious relationship.

"I just feel like if im already in 18+ queer spaces everyone around u assumes youre cool and confident about everythint n im only 50% that"

i'll let you know right now that other people your age have also worried about this exact same thing -- why? because a lot of gay people experience these things later in life for multiple reasons (no out people to date in high school, stayed in closet for safety, etc.) like i said in my last answer to your first ask, performance anxiety is normal. but a lot of gay people your age are in the same boat, and many people don't experience their first kiss or have sex until their 20s, 30s, etc.

you don't owe anyone a "hey ive never had sex with a girl" unless telling them that (or something along those lines) makes you feel better. more likely than not a lot of people in the bar have never had sex, or very little sex, also. if someone's a dick about it to you, makes a rude comment or something...well, they're not a very good sexual partner anyway, and not worth your time.

my parting note: don't feel like you have to rush into things. i'm glad i could help clarify some things for you, but if you're about to move, etc., and are still grappling with some of this stuff...there's no rush. there's absolutely nothing wrong with being 19 (or 20, or 30...etc) and having not had sex yet. and about having sex with men in the past...i also want to remind you that this does not make you any less of a gay person (lesbian? i'm getting the vibe from this ask), especially with that shitty "gold star lesbian" thing that always goes around...you're all good. don't even sweat it. <3

i know this was long, but i hope there was something in here that helped! good luck out there and stay safe.

[jising-jisang-jisung]

Every Single Time | Lee Jeno

Genre: well floof ofc

Word count: 1.8k

A/n: I wrote this during my online class at school today for no reason other than avoiding ap Spanish yikerz. N e wayz it's kinda clichè and cheesey but I hope yall enjoy it nonetheless :)

It's one of my last fics in my jb song series!! Based off this Jonas Brothers song

To say you'd been in love was an understatement. More specifically, you had been in love with one (1) boy for five (5) years. Who is this boy, you ask. Well, none other than your very best friend, Lee Jeno.

You'd been crushing on him since eighth grade and have been friends for essentially your whole lives. The thing is, Jeno has always had other crushes and girlfriends. Of course, being that you two are besties, he tells you all about this and it lowkey highkey breaks your sensitive little heart.

To be fair, you have also had your fair share of boyfriends. Freshman year you dated Lee Donghyuck and later, Huang Renjun. The only reason you ever said yes to them was in hope of getting over your crush on Jeno. However, it never seemed to work and you were still left, well, crushed. Sophomore year you dated Chenle, but you two discovered that you worked much better as friends. Lastly, during your junior year you dated the school flirt, Na Jaemin. Everyone wondered how you managed to get such a renowned hottie. The thing is, Jaemin is another one of your friends so he knew about your crush. You two only went out because he was getting over his ex as well.

Now, in the middle of senior year, you find yourself sitting at lunch, mindlessly staring at the boy you're hopelessly in love with.

"Hey, y/n! Are you good?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, right. Yeah I'm fine," you barely managed to convince Jeno after he caught you. Chenle gave you a knowing look from across the table, to which you responded with a glare.

As odd as it was, Chenle is still one of your best friends and he knows about your ongoing crush. In fact, he was one of the first people to tell you about it, because you were too dense to realize it yourself. Quite frankly, you think that may be the reason your exes dumped you, they could see your feelings for Jeno. However, it seems that you're lucky enough because Jeno has yet to catch on.

~

"Y/n, I think you should just confess. What's the worst that could happen?" Chenle suggested.

"He could hate me," you respond coldly.

"Okay yeah, but that would only last for the rest of senior year. Then, you'll both go to college and, if need be, never see one another ever again." :D

"Wow. That makes it sound so much better," you say in a sarcastic tone.

"Who knows, y/n, he might actually like you back. I get the feeling he does."

"What makes you say that?"

"Let's make a bet. 20 bucks says you won't confess to Jeno before winter break."

"I don't want to make any bets I know I'm going to lose," you pout.

"Fine then. 20 bucks says Jeno will confess first."

"That's a bet I can win."

"That's the spirit, y/n!"

"Because Jeno doesn't have feelings for me so he'll never confess!"

"You're hopeless."

"C'mon Lele, he's always surrounded by other girls. I wouldn't even have a chance."

"Okay, but you've dated other boys too," your friend reminds you.

"That's different. Throughout high school I only dated boys to get over Jeno." You paused briefly before continuing, "but it never worked. Every single time, I keep on going back. He's always on my mind. It doesn't matter what I do." You finally looked up at Chenle again only to find him fast asleep on your bed. Late night study dates with Chenle were always like this: deep conversation from you but snooze from him.

~

You sat impatiently in your physics class, waiting for the bell to ring. As you turn your head to check the clock yet again, you are met with Jeno's eyes staring back at yours. "Y/n," he started quietly, "you should be working on your project right now not staring off into space. We only have 2 more days before it's due."

You throw him a shy smile, blushing at his observation of you. "You're probably right," you whisper back. Instead of listening to his advice, you go back into staring off. This, however, was not to your advantage because he began to wonder about what Chenle said. Maybe you should just confess. What if Jeno actually does reciprocate your feelings? You turned to face him again only for your thoughts to be interrupted by his knowing look.

"Y/n, don't make me say it again. You need to finish your project so you don't have to finish it all in one night like last time." Of course. How could you forget the last project that you made Jeno stay up all night to help you finish on time. It's not your fault that he's much superior in physics. Oh gosh. There's no way he could feel anything for you when your literally so stupid! Yes, y/n, you are just so so stupid smh.

~

You checked the time on your phone. 3 am. Another all nighter to finish your dumb project. Okay so maybe Jeno had a point the other day. As you set your phone down it began to vibrate. "Hey Lele," you answer after reading his caller ID. "I'm sorry but I cant talk now because I need to finish this project. Why are you even up at 3 in the morning? If this is some lame attempt to convince me to tell Jeno about how I feel, it's not gonna work. He obviously doesn't like me back."

You waited for a response, but the line went dead. Maybe it was just a butt dial. Or a PRANK!! THAT LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP! Calm down, y/n. It's physics time right now.

~

Jeno sat at Chenle's desk, helping him study for his Calculus test tomorrow. "Chenle, you are just like y/n, always waiting until the last minute. I should call her. I bet she's pulling an all nighter right now to finish that project."

"That's not fair. We can't help it that we don't have the same level of intellect as the great Lee Jeno," Chenle mocked.

"No. You two are just bad when it comes to procrastinating. My phone is dead, can I use yours?" Chenle tossed Jeno his phone and he quickly dialed your number. You answered almost immediately. Stupid y/n, staying up so late.

"I'm sorry but I cant talk now, Lele, because I need to finish this project. Why are you even up at 3 in the morning? If this is some lame attempt to convince me to tell Jeno about how I feel, it's not gonna work. He obviously doesn't like me back."

The boy sat there, his mouth a bit agape. "Jeno. Jeno. Yo! Jeno what did she say?" Chenle finally recovered Jeno's attention.

"Oh, right. Yeah she just said she was busy and could talk right now. And then she hung up," he lied just a little. "N E ways. Back to limits. If the x in the denominator is..."

~

As you walk into school the next day, you are caught a bit off guard. Jeno was waiting for you at your locker. "Hey, y/n," he smiled brightly. How could anyone not fall for that? "Did you have to stay up all night again for your project?" He asks, playing dumb.

"N-no. Not all night," you argue despite him assuming correctly.

He laughs a little. "You're cute when you try to lie." And with that, he walks off, leaving you flustered at your locker. The warning bell rings and you quickly gather your things for your first class. Not that it'll matter. There's no way you could focus now.

~

The rest of the day was fairly normal until lunch. You sat down next to Chenle like usual, but Jeno was acting a bit,, unusual. He was looking at you almost lovingly and it was starting to get a little creepy. <(￣︶￣)> "Isn't y/n just do pretty today?"

Chenle just kinda looked at you like （＞д＜）which you responded with 乁། ˵ ◕ – ◕ ˵ །ㄏ

"What do you mean, Jeno? Is y/n not pretty everyday?" Chenle questions him.

"Oh. Of course she is pretty everyday! But today she is extra prettyyyyy," he draws out the last word adding to his cuteness.

You obviously wanted to join the conversation as opposed to awkwardly sitting silently but you couldn't come up with any words. You could feel the red tint burning across your face, but it's not like you could stop it. "Uh oh. Y/n is blushing. That must mean you like me too, huh?"

"What?" Your mouth hung open. Earth to y/n!! Did you hear that right? Did he really just say too? Say something!

"Ha! That's 20 bucks, y/n! I knew you couldn't tell him first," Chenle screeched, only briefly capturing the attention of the lunchroom. After the students returned to their own lunches and conversations, Jeno continued:

"I asked if you liked me. Of course, I already know the answer."

"Then why do you ask?" You reply rather innocently.

"Because I want to hear you say it again."

"Again?!" You question at the same time that Chenle shouts it.

"Yeah, again. Y/n confessed to me on the phone last night," Jeno elaborates. "So if that was some sort of bet, well, she won I guess."

You nearly died of embarrassment. "Wait so that wasn't Lele calling me yesterday? It was you? And I just-"

"Wait Jeno, you said she just hung up after explaining that she was busy," Chenle argues.

"Did I forget to mention that part?"

"Oh my gosh. I can't believe I did that. Ugh," you complain while facepalming.

"So, are you gonna say it?"

"Do I have to?"

"If you want to hear me say it again then I have to hear you say it first."

"Fine. Jeno, I have had the biggest crush on you since middle school. I really like you."

"Y/n, I have had a crush on you for some time as well. I really like you too," and of course to make matters even worse for your flustered state, he adorns his confession with that signature smile that makes your heart go we got that BOOM BOOM.

~

So yeah, y/no is the ship of the school. Y'all cute or whateva. Jeno always takes you out on fun dates like roller skating or bowling. He is also SUPER CLINGY which you didn't know back when you were only friends. He loves loves loves to cuddle and can almost always be found with his arms around your waist like a koala.

[stark-barness]

Headcanons for reddie and Stenbrough being married happily to each other till Mike calls them back to derry. They don't remember knowing each other from their childhood unroll Mike calls.

aw this is fuckin sad. anon, you made me sad

- well for one im sure eddie n richie’sbeen married for a decade and a half (i’ve got this headcanon that theygravitate towards each other no matter what they do or where they are)

- and bill n stan’s been married for a goodsturdy five years

- the toziers have twins (8 yrs old)(maggie and jessie) - the denbrough-uris’ have just adopted their first kid, acurly haired angel named Ray (1)

- my boy eddie’s a pediatrician andrichie’s a voice actor (think troy baker) and  he does stories with great voicesto his daughters and they fuckin love it.

- mike calls richie randomly one day afterthey’ve put their kiddos to bed and eddie’s on their bed, reading a book, andwhen he hears mike’s voice and it does isn’t scare him; it reminds him thatthere was a time before this that he loved eddie with all he is

- but when eddie comes on the phone he hasa panic attack that wakes up their kids

- the little darlings hug their papa andtell him it’s going to be okay but eddie knows it won’t be okay

- they leave their kids with good friendsand promises to come back after three days. eddie cries in the car, and richiejust pulls over, gets out of the car, pulls eddie out and hugs him.

- “i promise i’ll get you back to our kids,okay? they’ll kill me otherwise. no fucking clown with a kink for eating kidswill fucking stop me.”

- eddie laughs at that, “yeah, maggie andjessie are scarier than some fucking clown.”

- bill’s an engineer and stan was a teacherbut he’s resigned from his job so he can focus more on their kid

- so it’s understandable that he’s the onewho answers the phone when mike calls.

- it just breaks my fuckin heart that he’sgot his little boy on his hip as he answers mike and his mind goes blank themoment he hears mike’s voice because all he sees and hear is the darkness andthree little lights and he cant even hear his baby boy crying out for him

– in a trance, he leaves their home and hiskid with the neighbours and goes for a little walk alone but before he goes hekisses his little boy’s forehead and tells him “daddy loves you okay” andleaves - he remembers everything and his face feels as if he’s being gripped bythat monster again.

- bill comes home from work and immediatelytakes his kid from the neighbours, straps him into the kid’s seat in his car,and looks for stan

- he’s desperately trying to be calm aboutit but his husband is fucking missing and his kid’s freaking and he doesn’tfucking know why

- he finds stan in the first place theywent on a date to, a little cafe near the central park’s lake, sitting on abench. he’s playing with his wedding ring, and bill comes up to him, relievedthat he found stan. - stan doesn’t look at him. “bill denbrough,” he says, “youleft me once, you know? do you remember? and you’re going to leave me again.” -“i-i don’t understand,”

- “i loved you then, bill. but you didn’t.” 

-“let’s just go home, baby. ray’s freaking out.”

- they go home but stan’s cold towards him.he just gives bill the phone and goes to take care of their baby and bill looksat the phone, calling the last number on it. the moment he hears mike, all heremembers is unfamiliar red hair, and scared eyes, stan’s eyes, and a sense ofguilt overcomes him.

[jisoos-wife]

50 facts you probably don't know about me.

I got bored/ couldn't sleep so this happened. 1- i have severe anxiety that manifests in nervous ticks. 2- im impulsive and change my mind constantly. 3- in middle school i was in drama club and used to write plays. 4- i have 3 full brothers. 2 step brothers. And 1 step sister. 5- i can't cross my eyes. 6- my nails are always painted. It makes me anxious when they arent. 7- i have 5 tattoos. 8- i bite my lip when im nervous/anxious and have made myself bleed by doing it on accident. 9- i have bipolar depression. And it sucks. 10- while i come off as loud and extroverted on tumblr, in real life im much more contained and introverted. 11- im afraid of the dark 12- ive been sexually assaulted by 2 different people. 13- i can count the number of people i consider friends on 1 hand. 14- i grew up in the Mormom church, and was the last member of my family to have my name removed from the church records. 15- i first got into kpop in 2009, but in late 2012 i stopped keeping up with it and didn't get back into kpop until January of 2016. 16- i don't believe in a single 'god' figure. Im not atheist, i just dont think there is one all mighty god who judges us. 17- i don't drink milk. 18- my favorite animals are guinea pigs and sloths. 19- i struggle with self confidence, and have times where i genuinely dont like myself. 20- ive only ever felt a sexual attraction to one person. 21- i have never been grounded. 22- ive kept a journal consistently since i was 13, and have them all in a box. To this day, i still write in my journal at least once a week. 23- im allergic to strawberries and bees. 24- i can make my tongue look like a 4 leaf clover. Its pretty cool. 25- my first celebrity crush was on Natalie Portman circa star wars episode 1. To this day, i still have a crush on her. 26- im secretly a huge nerd and love watching documentaries. 27- my favorite documentaries are about the British royal family. I love queen Elizabeth. 28- i don't cry in front of anyone. To this day i think the only person who has seen my cry is my mom. 29- i paint and crochet to relieve stress. Sometimes i will crochet an entire blanket and unravel it just to do it again. It's very therapeutic. 30 - i only make blankets for people im close to. A handmade blanket is very personal for me, so if ive made you one, there's a reason. 31- i believe in soulmates. Both platonic and romantic. 32- i believe you can be in love with more than one person at a time. 33- i still sleep with a stuffed animal. It changes, but currently i have a giant stuffed sloth that i sleep with. 34- i have insomnia, and the longest ive gone without sleeping is 4 days. 35- i love blankets. Even in the summer i always have at least 2 on my bed. To me its comforting to have them. 36- I got drunk at my cousins wedding, and started my maid of honor speech with "this bitch right here" and pointed at my cousin. 37- evem though im 22, and know how to, i dont drive. It makes me so anxious that i cant focus. Maybe one day I'll get over it. 38- for years i wouldn't let anyone touch me without asking. And even then i usually said no. But now i crave physical affection. 39- ive never been hungover. 40- i collect movie ticket stubs. 41- when something is wrong, i usually dont tell anyone because i dont want them to feel burdened by my problems. 42- i don't drink coffee. It makes me jittery and anxious. So i drink tea instead. 43- im the only person in my family other than my 2 younger brothers that has never smoked weed. 44- when i was 16 i dated someone who was 20. Not my best decision. 45- my emotions have 2 settings. I either feel every thing so intensely it scares me. Or I don't feel anything. There is no middle ground. 46- people scare me. Im afraid to let people in because i don't want to love them and have them decide they don't want the burden of being close to me. Its happened too many times to count. 47- im extremely close to my younger brothers. I would do anything for them. 48- im anemic, and it affects me almost daily. 49- my favorite foods are sushi, and popcorn. And also pancakes. 50- my biggest regret is that i spent years being the person i thought everyone else wanted me to be instead of being who i wanted to be. So im making up for it by doing things that make me happy. I no longer crave their approval.

[confusedlucifer]

(advice anon) you did make sense and that was some very good advice! I think once I'm in a relationship, I tend to be fine (at least, in the two short ones I've been in) bc I learned to prioritize communication. It's just that right now, I haven't dated in years (since I graduated), I don't know to how flirt with other women, I feel that I don't know where to start. I'd been thinking it's good to focus on improving myself, but now I wonder if that's made me think I'm not worthy of dating yet?

sorry this took a while to reply to, i had a whole long thing written out for you three days ago and then tumblr deleted it and so i sulked for a bit!!

but yeah i get where youre coming from. prioritizing communication is definitely the best thing you can do and keep up in any long term relationships as well bc the minute you cant or are unwilling to talk something out openly, it all goes to hell sooner or later.

i guess it also depends what do you mean in terms of improving yourself. are you trying to improve yourself physically? mentally? both? and i mean there are many ways to work on yourself, ykno outside of hitting the gym theres going through your wardrobe and getting some new outfits that make you feel good or getting a fresh haircut and maybe a touch of different color, tattoos or any kind of body modifications that make you feel more at home in your body. because ultimately your quest for self improvement should make you feel better about yourself and more confident. if it’s not achieving that its time to analyze what exactly are you doing and what can you change, so you strive towards building yourself up instead of feeling not good enough.

i also have no idea how to flirt with women, or anyone, that im actually interested in! i’ve found what worked in terms of like dating while queer is either 1. dating apps, are loathsome as they are, because they put you in the position of Yes We Are Both Interested In Trying This Date Thing, Romantically, And It Really Is a Date 2. hurling yourself into hobby groups like, anything where ppl meet regularly for events or to play games or read books or whatever interests you, because its sooo much easier to start a conversation and connect when you already have something in common! if you dont know where to look i can recommend the app Meetup bc like w dating apps, everyone on there going to like random events or meetings is generally looking for friends so people are more open to connecting! (number 2 can also work great for your quest for improvement as well)

but yeah i think one of the worst things you can do to yourself is putting yourself under too much pressure to find someone, and ideally the Perfect Someone you can immediately settle into a relationship with. sometimes it just doesnt happen, but sometimes you get to share some really lovely experiences with a person and it doesnt end up going anywhere but i think its important to value the ephemeral - its still good and fun even if it doesnt last! open yourself to those experiences, even if its scary.

[asintoticamente]

Calling you 'non-white looking' isn't an insult- just an observation. Have you seen Francesco Gabbani? He doesn't look white, Italians don't look white period. Why is a person whose country is a okay with their PM publicly fucking teen prostitutes + female ministers, concerned with Macron saying it's ok for teens to date teachers? Focus on your third world acid attacks on Italian women by misogynistic pig Italian men --> theguardian(.)com/world/2017/apr/29/acid-attacks-italy-gessica-notaro

I dont care about looking white or not tbh i'm cute 0:) and nice job finding the like only acid attack in like ... 20 years while you've got entire parts of multiple towns that women cant even cross without being harassed and also attacks on beaches to women who wear bikinis because france is a-ok for girls lmaoNever excused silvio's paedo ass either, but he's like... Gone now yk and ppl didnt vote for him after the scandal while you're the ones with a paedo first lady and chronic liar president while KNOWING this history so i mean.... Anything you say is pretty much silly haha Honestly you are so upset it's incredible you even had to send anons to my friends about me because of how much of a quivering angery u are literally screaming at the wind and making accusations about past, looks, eurovision(??), mafia, mysoginy, third worlds.... It's incredible the level of agitation you're reaching just because someone said your first lady is a wannabe kiddy fucker who cheated on her fam for years tbhAnyway get therapy if a post makes you soupset you need to send not one, not two, but FOUR (4!!) walls of text on anon plus another unknown number to my frienss because that concerningBut then again i'd be on the edge of insanity too if i were french so i understand xox