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bmpmp3 · 2 months

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i often, with very little seriousness, say that i prefer to read shoujo, josei, and the occasional seinen manga over anything from shounen magazines because even if they take a turn in quality, at least they will End within my lifetime HFKJSDHKDSHFD and this really is a joke: mostly as a way to combat the last 15 years of shounen elitists coming at me for liking things published in different magazines while also, in a slightly self deprecating way, pointing out how a lot of series in other magazine demographics usually either end at a natural stopping point or get canned unceremoniously with no conclusion (although shounen magazines are no stranger to the latter either LOL the nature of magazine publishing........) compared to just going on for hundreds of chapters after the quality took a nosedive

but make no mistake, despite how a lot (and i mean a LOT) of shoujosei is cancelled early before it can really start to get bad (or it gets trapped in an eternal hiatus because of magazine changes, or it just ends normally LOL), there are still plenty of series that went on way too long or struggled because of their length. some are worse than others: i remember Special A being solid but with a serious plateauing problem in like the latter half where it felt stagnant and boring (albeit not egregious or anger inducing or anything). but then theres other stuff like. hkjfdajhkgrlfjd. Peach Girl my beloved and beloathed <3 HHRJKFJRFEd and dont even talk to me about Vampire Knight or Black Bird. don't even say those words to me

and of course getting cancelled early can also give a series a great opportunity to fumble the bag horrendously in 3 chapters or less: one of my favourite shoujo manga of all time, Penguin Revolution, has an absolutely hilarious last chapter in that you can feel how much the author was like "SHIT FUCK I NEED TO WRAP THINGS UP RIGHT NOW" so hard that i cant even be mad about it LOL

and with that as a preamble: last night i finished reading A Devil and Her Love Song/Akuma to Love Song and well. um.,

quick TW: because of the topics that the manga touches on, I am going to talk a little bit about sexual assault, specifically sexual assault of a minor, and suicide. i will do it somewhat frankly because i want to take it seriously and not beat around the bush and i will do my best, but feel free to let me know if im off-base

SO the first half of the series is really solid, specifically with the characters. Maria in the beginning, especially with the bullying arc, was really engaging as someone so (intentionally or otherwise) neurodivergently coded. and The Boys: Shin and Yusuke were also really strong - moreso on Yusuke's end as like, a foil to Maria's complete inability to mask, Yusuke is like the king of masking. but even Shin, despite everything that comes later (and we'll get to that. by god we will get to that) was also interesting as like a foil in a different direction: a person resigned to his loneliness compared to Maria's drive to connect despite her struggles. And despite how sidelined the girls get, in theory I really loved Ayu and Tomoyo's connection to Maria and the whole squad as well (can't help but love a mean girl redeemed and a shy but secret goth kid respectively)

the series starts to take a turn for the worse after the new school bullying storyline and into the beginning of the Anna Situation. im gonna refer to this Anna, the friend of Maria's from her old catholic school who lost her voice as Anna (friend). it seems clunky but we'll come back to that LOL

i actually didn't hate the whole situation, i found Anna pretty compelling in her anger and resentment and even cruelty, and i was invested in seeing how her relationship with Maria would pan out. unfortunately she herself was basically forgotten about after she moves away to america and instead a lot of the situation was spent focusing on Shin's turmoil which was where his character started to. test me.

this is where Maria's backstory with her mother comes in: maria was born from the rape of her 14 year old mother, who then committed suicide with a preschooler Maria in her arms because of the turmoil and the way she and Maria were treated in the aftermath. this is. an absolutely unreal turn. really fucking dark and tough topic, but i had an inkling of hope! the series was handling its first like, 30 chapters with a surprising amount of care despite some clumsiness...

and the thing is i love a lot of stories that attempt to handle dark topics in loud, fumbling ways as long as theres a sense of compassion and honesty in it you know? and compassion and honest really is the thing, i actually prefer a messy but earnest story about dark and sad events compared to something that knows all the correct words to say while still dancing around serious topics (this is a problem i run into often in recent years. i think its a selfconciousness in storytelling that makes me feel like im being talked down to you know?)

but there is a difference between fumbling a bit an dropping the ball entirely. and MAN that ball was dropped HARD when you bring in the american soldier kidnapper and rapist of the main character's middleschool aged mother and try to turn him into some "redeemed" priest goofy crybaby dad character for the main character to forgive and reconnect with. but we'll get to that, i need to get back to shin

Shin learns from Anna (friend) about Maria's past and how Maria had forgotten it all because of the trauma, but may remember when she's held by others. not wanting to retraumatize her, and believing not remembering her past is what's best for her, he starts distancing himself from her. he also tells the other boys, the blonde bitches (Yusuke and Kurosu (we'll get to him later i prommy)) that have a crush on Maria as well about this, essentially deciding for Maria that she should never learn her past and attempting to control her relationships with other boys behind her back. THIS is intensely possessive and paternalistic WHICH in a vacuum COULD BE a really interesting, dark, but prescient and complex major character flaw to explore (especially in a story written for young women and girls like a manga serialized in Margaret would be). unfortunately the story never grapples with it, its framed like your classic possessive-but-like-in-a-sexy-fantasy-way despite being written in an incredibly embarassing and pathetic manner

like dear GOD i wanted nothing more than him to get some sense knocked into him by the blonde bitches. i LOVE a good character arc where a shojo manga love interest with possessive tendencies learns to respect his gf's autonomy its a classic!! especially with Maria's past, learning that helping someone with trauma means being there for her, not controlling her life behind her back! so much potential there

but alas. all we got was Shin hiding in the shadows from Maria for several volumes until, during an argument where Maria remembers her past and has a panic attack, he attempts to force himself on her and gets his hand hurt in the process. and. god. this is a shojo manga trope i Do Not Care For, honestly it is one of the few things that'll sour me complete on something:

the plotline where through a series of very bizarre circumstances the main love interest will sexually assault (or attempt to) the main character and then get really mopey about it (ouuhhhh im the baad guy how could i do thisssss i feel so sorrrrrrry for myself) and then the narrative will bend over backwards to say that UMMM ACTUALLY its okay the main character wasn't upset about that! it was something else! she didn't think it was rape!! she's cool with it!!! don't feel bad love interest guy!!! LITERALLY i hate it so much. the next several volumes spends so much time on Shin trying to make him feel better about his hand injury and how everything he did was okay because Maria loves him and it was PAINFUL so so frustrating

which brings me to the other guys, the blond bitches. Yusuke is mvp we know this, especially in the early volumes. but after he realized maria's in love with Shin no matter what and he has no chance, he also becomes frustrating because all his edges get sanded off, he's still a wonderful friend to Maria (although he unfortunately drinks Shin's koolaid and also hides her past from her) but he completely stops pushing Shin to be better which makes both characters worse. he was so interesting as the king of masking, such a relatable character type but MAN things went downhill

earlier in the series before Shin tries to push himself on Maria and I was still a bit sympathetic to him, i was thinking like damn. Maria should just get with Shin because she likes him but also setup a polycule where the two blonde bitches can orbit around and keep shin in check LOL

and kurosu. im going back to kurosu finally. a third anime boy has hit the love triangle. hes contentious for very valid reasons but the thing is. i kinda liked him? OKAY okay he has serious SERIOUS personal space issues which were played a little too much for laughs and we'll get to his relationship with Maria's father in a moment but i couldnt help but relate to a big dumb seemingly outgoing but still distant kid who talks too much about horny shit. Yusuke is just like me fr but. also. Kurosu is just like me (idiot highschooler edition) frrrrrrrrrrrrrr sorry i do see a bit of myself in him. hell i even see a bit of myself (dumb possessive middleschooler edition) in the earlier versions of Shin (before you know. he went off the rails), and i think thats whats so frustrating: these characters start with ideas that are ALMOST relatable and intriguing character flaws and then it just descends into madness

and back on kurosu's relationship with Maria's biological father, it is pretty fucked that he hides the fact that he knows Maria is the daughter of the child his adoptive father figure raped for so long, and its especially fucked he brought Maria to the church where maria's bio dad is now a priest taking care of orphans as like a way to "reunite" them and show that "he's changed" and such, but this is really a problem less with the characters and more with the way the story's themes are coalescing in general. The character of Kurosu himself was quite interesting as like a foil to the foils of maria and yusuke, simultaneously really good at masking while also not being good at ALL. and I loved that he got on Shin's case to stop being so possessive and weird about maria. And not to be all "he's literally neurodivergent and a minor" but i can't get all that mad at a 15 year old who (as revealed really quickly in a random chapter near the end) who had to leave his abusive father and scared abused mother under really traumatic circumstances and then suddenly was taken in by a seemingly kind priest trying so hard to defend said priest. i think theres something very compelling and emotionally resonant there: grappling with the the fact that someone you love, someone who treats you with such kindness, someone who you think saved you even, could have been so cruel to your other loved ones.

i know i have a bajillion experiences like that (much smaller scale things like finding out a person who was nice to u is bullying others, or more serious things. im sure im not the only one who's got crazy shit happening with cousins and aunties and uncles and such). like it changes things: you can't just sit idle about it, but you also don't have the authority to confront anyone, you can't go back to the way things were before and there's an irreparable distance between you, but you don't know how to move forward other than letting that distance grow. I think theres something here!!! but unfortunately, the series as a whole was largely uninterested with anything other than turning the main character's mother's rapist into a doting father type character out of nowhere, treating the aforementioned rape as if it was just a little "mistake"

when i read or watch something and i have a very strong reaction to it, good or bad, i often like to look at reviews afterwards. a lot of people seem to think theres no reason to look at reviews if you already have your own opinion, but i personally find them really helpful to get new perspectives and sometimes find catharsis with others with similar perspectives to mind. and so i was looking at some fan reviews and this review's first line killed me

THEYRE NOT WRONG the full sentence is "This story really reminds me of Usagi Drop, just for the way that the ending butchers my enjoyment fo the entire series" which is VERY true, but also its very true more specifically n the sense of WHY on gods green earth is this series trying to frame the rape of a young teenager as a romantic thing (albeit in akuma to love song's case the circumstances are less grooming and more violence, which just makes it bizarre in a different way). but this person's review is great, it just puts the problems with the series in such a succinct way: it swiftly turns from a decent little drama about teenagers learning to grapple with communication into Rape Apologia: The Manga.

all in all i think the big problem with akuma to love song is how much the story is just uninterested in the topics it brings up. its not a matter of taking on tough subject matter and handling it in a slightly clumsy way, its a matter of taking on tough subject matter and then trying to tie it all up in a neat little black and white bow. the series best part of the series, which is kind of seen in the section where all the kids go to the beach together, is when the characters try to learn to communicate and be honest with eachother despite their difficulties. but that was forgotten and thrown away for some very bizarrely cruel melodrama, brushing aside one of the biggest victims: Anna (mother), the girl who was assaulted and the abandoned by all her loved ones in the process. a teenage girl alone with just a toddler. a character the series had no interest in, not her life or thoughts or agency. really depressing

also yeah maria's teenage mother has the same name (and looks???) as one of her former best friends. and you know. thats what got me kind of thinking. with how much Anna (friend) was like completely forgotten about. i honestly wonder how the writing for this series went. this is why ive been so frustrated after all, its highs are so good but its lows are so so SO disastrous. it appears to have been in a biweekly version of Margaret, im unsure if it was published in every issue though. if it was, maybe rushing to get out something every two weeks was in part to blame for how downhill the writing got? i dont think manga should be published more than once a month at most, i think its unethical working conditions for the sake of a worse product and its bad for everyone involved.

and i know its not really considered standard in art and media criticism to focus so much on the working conditions and mindset the author was in while creating. looking at art as itself divorced from its circumstances and death of the author (as in the actual essay meaning like the author is not god and the intended interpretation is no more or less important than the audiences) and so on and so forth. but i can't help it ive always been like this LOL if something bad i wonder how the creator felt creating it....

but anyway. now. one thing i will give the series: they did not randomly pair off the remaining ensemble cast at the end. one thing about shoujo manga, especially from the 2000s is that if there are an equal number of boys and girls, they will be unceremoniously split into couples by the end regardless of how compatible they are HJKDLDHFJKD i was so scared when i realized there were three boys and maria had two gal pals. i was so scared. but we were spared from that at least orz

i do want you to know something though. despite all my criticism, the thing about this all: i love garbage. i love trash. i will read like anything even if its bad as long as i think i can get SOMETHING out of it. even if that something is just "wow that was bad". do you remember the aforementioned Black Bird? what did i get out of that? i dunno, probably just something absolutely crazy to read in a public library as a 17 year old LOL. i love garbage melodramatic soap opera bullshit so much

but i think what frustrated me so much about akuma to love song, as mentioned before, is that it was like. genuinely really good! in some parts! its the potential that is killing me i think. its one thing to read some big dumb and questionable melodrama knowing what youre getting into in the first few chapters, and its another thing to start out written with such emotional intelligence only to take a complete and utter nosedive so dramatically

is this how shounen manga readers feel all the time. dear god.

but well. i guess i still got something out of 90 chapters of this. a really strong start. some good art. and a what-not-to-do manual for the latter half

#impromptu reviews with bmpmp3 #im ignoring an assignment again. why write a 200 word mini essay for class #when i can write a 2000+ word blog post about a manga that pissed me off instead <3

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justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms · 6 months

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...

Should i make this long or short?

I request for a matchup for bsd(bubgo stary dogs.) and genshin, please.

Name: Rieh.

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: i.. Honestly don't know, straight? Lesbian? Bisexual-? Ig bisexual, but more on girls.

Zodiac+mbti: pisces and intj

Appearance:hair: medium brown withstreaks of blonde.

eyes: brown.

height: 4'11

Glasses, yes(they're pink btw)

I usually wear like some bunny headband..? Like the one that stretches but on the neck.. Like a choker..??? I also wear headphones went i go out.

Personality: mood swings, whole..some..?(sometimes), childish(sometimes), rude/blunt(mostly)

Likes+dislikes:likes: candy. Fun stuff. (WHAT DO I LIKEE) uhm.. Myself 😃.

Dislikes: dust, stickiness, dirt.

Hobbies: playing genshin with that one song on repeat(like all day-), playing prosekai, practising chess, playing badminton, doing embroidery while watching sxf(spy x family) and kcc(komi can't communicate), sleeping, like literally. Thinking of scenarios or dramas that i could write or make, listening to music, eavesdropping(shh).

Any extra infromation: (finally the part where i can freely say stuff-) im kinda a self-centered girl who loves (mostly) for drama and twists and the fun in life and is kinda careless who doesn't even know what her sexuality. I want people to think im cute so i can have privilage to like ask my classmate for candy or sum shi, thats why i wear a bunny choker-like thingy around my neck. I am.. Very clumsy, even just covering a marker, i can get myself injured and have my finger bleeding. I sometimes just carry my plush anywhere i go. I pretend im like talking to someone all the time in my head. Also when i say 'music' i dont mean like gmfu, or simon says and shi like that, like i lit meant songs like, tondemo wonderz, or theme of niccori, or maybe sweety glitch from prosekai, haha.. I also play those songs like on full volume to make sure everyone around me will be reminded that im the youngest in sophomore year and think I'm cute. I also sometimes think like im in the spotlight, like im in some kind of show, and is the protagonist of the story, is that weird? I sometimes get to impress people with 'magic' and when someone asks me something... I just answer 'magic'. Would knowing my favourite characters in other fandoms work..? My fav character in kny(demon slayer) is Mitsuri and Muichiro, in prosekai probably Emu and Kanade, and like in kcc, in my head, i act like like naruse(how was his name spelt? I dont remember.) my favourite character in kcc is probably najimi and kaede, in oshi no ko probably ruby. ALSO DONT GUESS THAT MY FAVOURITE COLOUR IS PINK WHEN ITS ACTUALLY CERULEAN BLUE-!

Did that 'extra information' help? Anyways thanks for listening, cant wait to see what matchup i got!!

(lit just asked this to you in like midnight.)

Hi Rieh! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I hope you like your matchups!

In Bungo Stray Dogs, I match you with...

You and Akiko are a powerful and, at times, scary couple. Between your mood swings and her…medical inclinations, a lot people are timid when approaching you.

That’s not to say you won’t make friends though. The rest of the Armed Detective Agency love you and think you balance out Akiko’s intense nature well.

I can see Akiko as someone who is surprisingly into wholesome anime like Spy x Family. She thinks it’s sweet and it’s a nice break from her usual day to day. She especially likes Yor though she’s not sure why…

Due to her medical training, she’s a very neat and tidy person so no need to worry about dust, dirt, or stickiness around home. She’s not fond of them either so the house will always be tidy and clean.

Definitely thinks your cute. She can handle a lot so your mood swings won’t affect her a whole lot. She’s got the training to know how to help your mood swings be a bit more manageable so if you want some tips and tricks, she’s more than happy to help.

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

Oh, Lisa thinks you’re just the cutest! Sure, she calls everyone cute but she thinks you’re especially adorable.

Don’t think you’re going to be able to easily manipulate her though. She’s seen some things in her time and knows what she’s doing. She won’t be mad that you’re trying to manipulate her but she will suggest you redirect and manipulate people into returning their books on time.

Enjoys taking naps with you. Lisa is already a pretty laid-back person but with you around in the library, the chances of Jean finding her asleep among the books with you next to her definitely increases.

Dust is to a certain extent unavoidable in the library but Lisa’s more than willing to join you in tidying the place up a bit. She’s been meaning to for a while, this is just the push she needed.

Please embroider things for her. Her clothes, her hat, her lunch bag. Anything and everything you want to embroider, she won’t way no to. It’s a little reminder of you when she’s away for a while.

#writing #fanfic #request #matchup request #matchup #bungo stray dogs #yosano akiko #genshin impact #lisa

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lokiified · 6 months

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rant piece

i made the wrong fucking choice i actually cant believe it, i was so focused on proving my parents wrong that i convinced myself it would never work with you and now im regretting so badly. i focused on the attention he was giving me but really he never did anything for me like you did, we went on three damn dates in a day, you flew across the country to come see me, you let me pick any book at coles as an early birthday present, you tried to give me everything but i wanted my parents to be wrong so badly that i ignored it for him and he was new and cute and he seemed to like me and you literally told me you didnt have feelings for me why did you do that i probably wouldve chosen you if i knew you felt the same way.

i found the pin i got at the museum with you. i found the pictures i took of you in the weird red room with all the lizards in it. ive been thinking about the used book store a lot lately. i was talking to a friend who i thought i had feelings for and we started talking about book stores and i was struck with an inconsolable sadness at the memories of being there with you for hours, trying to find the right books.

i found the videos and pictures from the mock prom, how well you got along with my friends and how you looked in your suit, how excited you were for that night

i remember how angry your mother was when i chose him over you and i thought she was crazy at the time but she was right, i made the stupidest decision of my life when i picked him.

you came to a baseball game with my family and you dont even like baseball for fucks sake, an hour ride 3 hour game and hour ride back who would do that if they didnt have fucking feelings for someone.

i had to spend an hour and a half sitting in a hotel hallway trying to calm down his anxiety about my relationship with you while you tried to give me everything and lied to my face that you had a girlfriend just to try and protect my feelings.

why did you have to go and say you didn't have any feelings for me when i told you that day.

and now youre in your 20s and you have a girlfriend and youre probably gonna get married and im gonna regret it for what feels like forever.

i made the wrong choice and i dont know what to do

i cant tell my parents and i cant tell you because youre probably gonna marry her and you talked to me about her like shes the best person in the whole world so yeah im definitely not, you live on the other side of the country so ill probably never see you again so yeah i blew it.

you made a playlist for me of all kinds of songs you liked and 80% of them were love songs and i thought it was nothing when EVERYTHING you were doing and saying pointed to having some kinds of feelings for me but i dumped it all for him because i was scared of my parents saying they told me so.

and i certainly cant tell him because what the hell is he gonna say, im sorry you decided to waste a year on me while your real love was off making a life for himself?

i dont even know if i love you i just know that i missed out on something good just because i was scared

i convinced myself you were too much like david, that you werent even cute, excuses upon excuses when really i was just scared and i felt like he was the safer choice because there would be so much less people disappointed if it went south

for gods sake he wouldnt even dance with me at prom and now all i can think about is dancing with you at that mock prom that i thought was so stupid, i ruined all my mom's planning and probably shattered all your hopes for the night, i wish id worn my prom dress and let it happen because obviously it was supposed to

#rant #i hate this

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commanderquinn · 10 months

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Good Space Chapter 4: Ya Better Stop

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

—

master list / ao3 chapter link

—

warnings: james buchanan barnes being james buchanan barnes (derogatory) (i HATE him sm u dont even know), theres a lab scene but no bad brain talk i promise

song: sinatra has arrived babes!!! it is time for the golden oldies to begin their invasion 🥰

ava gets first pov this time!! probably a repeating thing, all i know rn is i needed it for narrative flow. remember how i warned you way back that i am in No Rush? this chapter is one of those. no flashbacks, only extra flirting and pining 🤌

ALSO if u are a walker fan (look im not judging. but im not agreeing) im really really sorry but im abt to bully the everloving fuck out of him. i cant stand him. i cant. every possible chance to dunk on him that i find, i will take 👾

—

She hasn't seen Bucky in six days.

Ava isn't counting.

But she hasn't seen him in six days.

He's been away on another mission. His first extended one since she took on his case. She was told ahead of time, so she wasn't waiting around for his morning drop-in. JARVIS let her know it would be ongoing and that the sergeant would be unavailable due to the stealth designation. SHIELD has to be the go-between if there's anything that needs to get passed, just like when Paige gets assigned to them.

His mission status is listed right there in his file. The medical reports from the column marked completed aren't blacked out like they were before. She had to ask JARVIS to reset the file she keeps for Tony when her new settings cleared the privacy wall he keeps. That's how far the copy of Bucky's access extends.

SHIELD gave him everything. All of their records on known organizations, detailed reports on all globally known assets like the Winter Soldier, internal investigations of SHIELD itself after the near collapse of the organization, all of it. A nauseating amount of the HYDRA portion centers around Zola, unsurprisingly. She would resurrect the monster in a second if it meant giving Bucky some time alone in a room with him.

After her first night of reading until the tears overwhelmed her, she went to Steve for a debrief of sorts. He confirmed he was the driving force behind SHIELD's full disclosure to Bucky. Natasha was the backup he needed to convince Fury.

Ava managed to talk the captain into coming to her office for lunch with Paige, mainly as an apology for getting in his face. He's assured her repeatedly in the days since that it's the exact kind of moral standing he was looking for with the case. He doesn't begrudge her anger; he understands it entirely.

For days now, Ava's been trying not to let her eyes skim the vitals being submitted intermittently from the sergeant's ongoing mission. It makes the worry she isn't feeling get worse. In hindsight, setting herself as his primary in the tower might not have been such a great idea. She's been trying not to think about it.

All she's thinking about at the tipping point into his seventh day gone is her favorite Tove Lo album.

She spins around her lab on enthusiastic feet, dramatically shouting the bittersweet lyrics of stranger with abandon. Her head bangs to the beat, switching to exaggerated flips during the instrumentals. There's seemingly no end of perks when it comes to mortgaging her soul to her billionaire friend and the government organization he works for. Having a state-of-the-art lab to dance around alone in at midnight is pretty high on the list.

She still hasn't hit her coffee crash of the day, thanks to numerous refills, so she's bouncing by the time the final breakdown of the song hits. Her hair goes wild, her arms thrown up as she jumps to the rhythm. She stops when the music does, giving herself a moment to catch her breath between songs. Her fist is raised high and ready to swing to the beat of bitches as the opening blares, echoing off glass walls that would rattle if they weren't bulletproof.

Ava is elated as she swings her hips and steadies her head to sing. She fucking loves this song. It makes her feel good. Bubbly. More than a little powerful. The lines flow out of her like water, the words familiar and comforting on her tongue.

"Know your own love, I don't fuck with no glove," she proudly shouts one of her favorite lines. Her foot slams down on the floor, and she pivots herself around with the momentum of her hips. "So why complicate it? Let me be— "

In one of the most mortifying moments of her life, Ava spots Sergeant Barnes in his not-uniform, standing in the wide open door of her lab. Shock hits her before common sense does, and her first reaction is to cover her mouth. Not attempt to stop the song. The one now loudly carrying into the—god fucking willing—deserted hallway behind him.

—your guide when you eat my pussy out, Tove Lo's voice continues without her accompaniment.

Bucky was already watching her with glee, but the words make his head come forward with a shocked laugh. He doesn't bother hiding it, or his smile, behind his hand. Not the way she is with her horrified expression.

Ava's hand folds with an awkward jerk of her fingers, her eyes still locked with his. "JARVIS! Pause, please!"

—had one or two, even a few. Yeah, more than you.

"Oh really?" Bucky questions loudly in response to the lyrics, his eyes widening even further. She can barely hear him over the music. The smile he's got aimed at her—

"My apologies, Dr. Ryder," JARVIS cuts in without lowering the volume, "but as per your rules, any ongoing music in the lab—" There's joy sitting in the AI's voice; she can hear it. Pure, sadistic joy.

"Now is the worst time for revenge," Ava tries to reason with JARVIS.

"—cannot be changed without a majority vote. Seeing as you are no longer the majority—"

"JAR!"

"—Sergeant Barnes is now entitled to vote on the matter. Do let me know if you find you require a tiebreaker."

Bucky raises a hand to his chest with nothing but mischief in his eyes. That fucking grin. It's the one she's only seen in photos on Steve's desk. The one powered by a thousand watts that charmed its way through all five boroughs before the draft. It's threatening to knock the breath out of her all over again. "Is it my birthday? Did I get put in cryo on the way back without someone telling me?"

"Bucky Barnes! If you don't cut the shit—" She points an angry finger at him that does nothing to dissuade him.

"These weren't in your playlists. What's this one called? Maybe I haven't gotten to it—"

Huffing with embarrassed indignance, she gives up trying to pull mercy from either of them. She turns on her heel and heads for her desk to shut off the song manually. In one of JARVIS' oh-so-funny jokes, the window minimizes on the first try. He lets her hit the pause button without interruption on the second attempt.

"I'm pretty sure I'd remember something like that," Bucky continues in the silence that follows, coming into the lab with confident strides. He's the most impossibly smug bastard. A goddamn terror, that's what he is. She should testify to help throw his ass in jail, but not because of anything to do with Nazis.

"I locked all the dirty ones before I gave you those playlists; sorry to disappoint," she sasses back to regain some ground. "I didn't want to be responsible for giving a dinosaur a heart attack. I'm not sure who'd come after me first, the paleontologists or the cardiologists."

Bucky leans against the other side of the desk she's definitely not hiding behind. With him closing in like this, her nose is picking up the lingering remnants of burned gunpowder. "Mmm. Well. I'm not feeling any pain in my—You know, come to think of it." He glances down at his mechanical shoulder, his eyes taking a bored journey down the shiny metallic arm. The fact that his gear leaves it exposed— "That's probably not going to be a good way to tell anymore."

Her music library might not kill him, but his dry humor is absolutely going to be the end of her. She has to bite her lip for a long moment to hold back a laugh.

She lets it back out of her teeth. Her cheeks feel like they're on fire. "I'm starting to think you super soldiers have an inclination for ambushing unsuspecting doctors at night."

"It breaks my heart to tell you, it really does, but you got set up for this. And it wasn't even by me. I know. I'm as surprised as you are." His eyes glance down at her outfit while she looks at him in exasperation, the movement fast and deliberate. Mildly tame. More than a few steps up from not taking her bait in the early days of their appointments. "Gotta say, though, I'm enjoying being the linchpin here."

"Set up by who? Steve?" Though the captain had looked appeased after getting to trade shy laughter with Paige, Ava wouldn't be surprised to hear it at all. Given how hard she's been teasing the poor guy lately, she had something like this coming.

"I believe set up is an exaggeration," JARVIS says far too innocently, making Ava's eyes widen in shock. It reignites Bucky's smile.

"JAR!" She lets the feeling of betrayal surface in her voice. "How could you?"

"I have done nothing."

"After all we've been through!"

"I merely informed Sergeant Barnes that you were in the building upon his return. He was the one to decide on an early visit."

"Careful," Bucky warns with a chuckle. "She can go check for herself how much suggestion was involved; she's got log permissions now."

"And I'll be using them," Ava threatens with another stern point of her finger, first at the sergeant, then at the security camera mounted on the ceiling. "Don't you two forget that while you're plotting your next attack."

"I haven't plotted anything. Scout's honor." He raises his flesh hand in oath, then frowns, momentarily looking off to the side. When his eyes come back to hers, there's not an ounce of shame in them. Only trouble. The hand stays up. "Alright. I haven't plotted anything with JARVIS."

Ava crosses her arms over her chest, entirely unimpressed now that the shock is wearing off. Her cheeks are taking their sweet time cooling down. "Did you come here for actual medical care, or are you just here to wreak havoc?"

"Definitely the latter. You could probably talk me into the former; you're pretty good at doing that. Might take some effort to convince me this time. I'm fresh from the field—"

"Shut up and get that gun locker you call an outfit out of my way, Barnes."

"That'll work." Bucky has the nerve to wink at her as he pushes up from her desk. It makes her hide behind her hand while she circles back around. She hears his jacket land on the thick glass while she grabs a medkit, reminding her of the accuracy of her teasing.

"What the hell do you keep in that thing? Chainmail?" He doesn't have to jump to sit on the desk the way she does. It makes Ava want to shove him off of it for a split second. The nerve of this man to be that big. In her lab.

"I can take you on a tour if you want. Don't expect anything too flashy. I keep all the good shit in my end of the world go-bag."

There's a new bullet wound to be found over his collarbone when he gets his shirt off. She'd been expecting it, thanks to the updates in his files. Seeing flesh already scarred over in less than three days is still jarring.

He didn't need to come in for that field injury the other week. She already knew that from a logical, medical standpoint. Looking at the proof with her own eyes feels different, though. It makes the heat threaten to return to her cheeks.

"And how often does that one get brought out?"

"Only a few times a month, don't worry. Things have been pretty calm for a while." For the first time, he turns his head to watch her fingers check the outer edge of his cybernetic shoulder. She's expecting to see unease sitting in his eyes when she looks up. All she finds is peaceful interest.

"You missed me," Ava softly accuses before she can stop herself. It makes her eyes rush back down to focus on her work.

"Of course I did." Damn him; there's no hesitation in his answer. "It's been a week without bagels and lollipops. You wanna guess how many jokes I came up with for that ballsack roaming around your house?"

"His name is Oreo, and you will use it with respect."

"Yes, ma'am. The utmost respect for Oreo the Ba—"

"Watch it." She's already made it to his back, so she only gets a side view of the smirk he gives her in response. "In any case, he spends more time roaming around Paige's apartment than my house."

"She stole your cat?"

"No," she giggles at the seriousness in his voice. "I stay at her place most days of the week. Her dad has an auto shop about fifteen minutes from here, and her apartment is right above it. I live pretty far outside of the city. Even with the way I drive, it's like an eight-hour round trip. That's why I try to leave early on Fridays."

"You only spend three nights a week in your own house?"

"I did say try. Sometimes—alright, most times, it's less than that. Lucky for me, Oreo doesn't mind hanging out with the grease monkeys while I poke at gray matter."

"I can drop you off."

Ava blinks, her hands pausing while scraping a pick along his shoulder blade. "I—what?" Her brows pull in, trying to figure out where he's going with this latest hard turn. "At the shop? Don't worry about it. I like night drives—"

"No, your house. I can cut that round-trip down to a fuckin' blink whenever you want. The cat can come, too."

"I'm sorry, does the serum give you a roadrunner setting I don't know about?"

"God, no. I prefer to take my t—" The first sign of hesitation surfaces in him as he pauses for a split second. It makes her look up at the back of his head, right at the bun his hair is in. "I was talking about a Quinjet."

He's flirting with her, she realizes. And it's not just a throwaway line this time. He's also trying to offer her the fastest carpool on the damn planet.

"Hang on—back up a step for a minute." She watches his shoulders go stiff, and she panics. He thinks he overstepped, her mind throws at her. Fix it. "I'm still trying to get over the fact that someone gave you a license for a car. Now you're telling me someone lets you behind the controls of a jet?"

The tension is gone from his posture before she even finishes bullying him. "They threaten to revoke the driver's license a lot. Steve and I tend to scare the shit out of people when we get on motorcycles. They only complain about how I fly when I bump Sam mid-air."

"You do not try to—"

"Oh, there's no try about it. I never miss my mark, doc. It really pisses him off." The overwhelming pride in his voice makes her laugh, despite the nerve-wracking image in her head.

Ava swats at his right shoulder, trying to avoid a bruise from the metal one. She learned that lesson the hard way. "You hit your friends with jets?"

"Just that one. It's a love tap. He barely even feels anything. He's got a big fancy Stark suit these days; he'll be fine."

"Where's your big fancy Stark suit? Is Tony withholding it until you let him take you to Vegas?"

Bucky snorts loudly. "He pulled that shit with you, too?"

"Mhmm. There's a veteran's center in West Virginia that has a state-of-the-art walk-in clinic because I let that idiot keep me locked in Caesar's Palace for three days. I've never been so hungover in my life." She's pretty sure it was Pepper's suggestion. An effort to get her out of the house when things first turned rocky with Alec.

"He still hasn't managed to rope me into it. That particular string wasn't tied to the suit offer."

"So what made you pass on a shiny new Stark toy?"

"Have you watched those rackety things in action?" Bucky's head shakes with mild disgust. "No thanks. I prefer being able to control when people hear me."

"No shit," Ava mumbles with poorly restrained annoyance.

He chuckles and straightens his head up without her having to ask. She's guessing he memorized her path to his neck on the very first cleaning appointment. "You're distracting; you know that? I can't remember the last time I let someone talk me off my point. Which I'm circling back to now. How far's your house in miles?"

The question catches her off guard enough to make her stop again. "You don't know my address?"

"I—shit, I was going to try to assure you I don't know anything about your house that you haven't told me. But that's not... entirely honest."

"I don't mind you knowing the things in my file," she reminds him gently. "I wouldn't have given it to Steve otherwise."

He shifts on the desk slightly. "I might... know some other stuff about it."

The guarded tone makes her snort. She recognizes it well, having lived through a divorce to a Colonel. Gossip moves the fastest in the barracks and the lunches of wives left behind. "Like maybe who I used to live in it with?"

"Like maybe that. And that you've been busy redecorating."

"Mmm, I don't know that you can classify it as redecorating. I did manage to win a few fights about furniture before the divorce. Some of the house was built to my taste. Now all of it is."

"I'm picturing—" Bucky stops again, and she hears a surprised chuckle. "I used to think your deflection didn't work on me."

"I'm not deflecting!" She giggles along with him, trying to focus on where she's got the top of his spine open to the world. "Maybe you're the one throwing off my train of thought. Have you considered that?"

"Here I was thinking it's because no one's taught you the imperial system, and you were too embarrassed—"

"You do understand that the rest of the world makes fun of you guys for using that, correct?"

"You guys, she says. Are you still clinging to your motherland's meters? That's embarrassing, Ryder. Where's your national pride?"

"Take the moose out of Canada, et cetera, et cetera." Ava swaps out for the hydrating wipes she started stocking because of him to clean up her work. The motion reminds her that it's been a while since her last tattoo. It brings out the itch for a new one. "By the way, after I'm done with this, I'm going to walk you back into my office and show you a list of—"

"Here it comes."

"—allll my outrageously expensive degrees."

"Now, how did I guess?"

"That way, the next time you feel like bullying me—"

"I'm certainly starting to enjoy it."

"—you can remember that I'm actually way smarter than you."

"I don't doubt that for a second, doll."

The—petname makes her smile wide enough to hurt. The way his voice dips as he says it lights her cheeks on fire. Again. "Good. There's hope for you yet."

"So I've been told." He says it so nonchalantly. Usually, she can anticipate the gallow's humor reflex. Usually.

"You break my heart sometimes; you know that?" She moves her fingers over his flesh shoulder in sympathy. The fact that he can't feel anything in the mechanical one makes her irate.

"Sounds like someone had fun reading." With her hands safely off his neck, Bucky turns his head to give her a sideways look. "How many new questions did it bring?"

The look she gives him in return is almost sheepish. "Steve answered most of them; you don't have to worry about it."

"Most." Bucky's eyebrow raises momentarily. "Lay 'em on me. That's why I gave you the clearance."

Ava's trying very hard to respect the choice. She leans forward, her free hand coming up to brace on his other shoulder. There's something contemptible about getting this far into the man's personal space, especially while he's shirtless in an exam. But the idea of not offering up the human contact while he's tearing open a wound that raw—especially while he's shirtless in an exam—makes her sick to her stomach.

Bucky doesn't seem to mind the proximity. Or the touch.

"Okay," she replies gently, trying to avoid putting any rejection in her tone. "I think we should wait until a reasonable hour, though. Next appointment?"

He looks down at his lap. "I think that's a great idea. You look like you need sleep. How about we talk about it when I come to pick you up from your house tomorrow morning?"

Ava stutters around a laugh, backing up from him once again. "I haven't agreed to anything; nice try."

"I didn't say you did. I'm pushing for an answer to a question you deflected; there's a difference."

"I did not defl—why am I trying to argue with a spy."

"I don't know. It'd be a lot easier if you—"

"You're not picking me up for work in a jet, you lunatic. I like driving."

"Is it because it gives you extra time to listen to Lady Wood?" The smug bastard has the nerve to pause, giving her a chance to think of a response to his ambush. She is, unsurprisingly, unsuccessful. "Which one do you like better, phase one or phase two?"

"You said you didn't recognize them!"

"I didn't." His hand comes up over his shoulder, showing her his phone. There's a webpage open detailing Tove Lo's entire discography—her writing credits included. "Google did."

"Someone gave you internet privileges?"

Bucky turns enough to look her in the eyes, unbearably pleased with himself. "It's so helpful."

Finally giving in to the urge to remove him from her desk, Ava shoves at his naked shoulders. Six-and-a-half feet of super serum doesn't move unless it wants to, so he doesn't exactly go anywhere with the force of it. But it does make him laugh and stand back up, so she counts it as a half-win.

"You gonna answer my new question? Or do I have to do the diploma tour first?"

"Who says you'd even get the answer then?" She crosses her arms over her chest and smirks up at him. "I've been through a divorce. You'll have to try a lot harder than that for me to fall for a loophole."

The six-and-a-half feet of super serum actually turns bashful on her. Bucky's eyes take on a bit of guilt, and his grin loses most of the mischief. "Sorry. Professional hazard. I did warn you I'm fresh from the field. It takes a day or two to reset the headspace."

"You're lucky I don't mind it," she offers to try to reassure him. His heart is the last in the world that she would doubt. "I missed you, too, you goddamn terror."

That thousand fucking watt smile hits her at full force. Seeing it on Bucky's face is almost worth giving him the crushing amount of ego it takes to power it. "Show me those degrees you earned so I can get back to hearing about your music."

Ava rolls her eyes, returning to the medkit to clear it from her desk. "I'll text you the list; how about that?"

"You don't have to send me the playlist links again; you can just unlock the dirty ones. I'll find them from there."

"I meant the—" She stops to ball up one of the wrappers from the hydrating wipes and throws it at him. He catches it mid-air before it hits his bare chest. "I meant the degrees, you degenerate."

He scoffs. "Big talk for a woman dancing to pussy eating mu—"

"Is there something else you need?"she stresses with a nervous burst of laughter. He's awful. Horrendous. She missed him so much that it's ridiculous.

On his end, Bucky doesn't miss a beat. "Yeah, my lollipop. You know, I bet I can guess which album you like better. I bet I can guess your favorite song from each one, too."

She points a finger at him without looking up from the medkit. "If you say disco tits, I'm making you sit through post-McCarthy retrospective documentaries just to decondition you."

"I'd be alright with that. But you'll still have to look me in the eye knowing it's in your top three." Even if she can't see him, she can hear him smile when her finger goes back down. "That's what I thought."

"Maybe I'm just out of things to throw at you."

"Blue Lips was the album you had on. Great name, by the way. Let's start with your favorite from that, which we've already established isn't disco tits. If you tell me that it's one of the sad ones, you're gonna break my heart."

"You don't have any favorite sad songs?" She's not... entirely deflecting. The comment just sparked her interest.

"Plenty. But now I know that's not the real answer."

"Jesus," Ava mutters with a huff of laughter. "Remind me to shut my mouth if you ever suspect me of a crime."

"I'm usually the guy people call to break out of prison. Might wanna keep that in mind if this whole doctor thing doesn't work out. That said, it's adorable that you keep trying to pin law-abiding qualities on me. You shouldn't mention the theory around the Avengers; they will laugh you out of the room."

Ava bites her lip again. She's out of tasks to stall with. He caught her as she was technically packing up for the night, and the medkit never takes much to put away. Turning to face him, she puts one hand on her hip and leans on the desk with the other. "Some people would classify it as a sad song."

Bucky folds his arms, his legs adjusting to widen his stance. He wasn't kidding about the sergeant mode. "Your favorite from the second album? What do you classify it as?"

She hesitates. Giving him the first word that comes to mind would give away the song too easily. "I... I don't know. I don't find longing sad, personally." He doesn't immediately reply. Most of the mirth has faded, and he's watching her intently. "What? You're telling me the moody spy disagrees with the sentiment?"

He blinks and takes a deep breath in, shaking his head slightly. She catches sight of a hard swallow that makes her nervous, but then he smirks at her. So, one of his introspective moments, then. "No, I agree with it. Do you want me to wait until you hand over my lollipop to give you the answer?"

"You have not guessed it already."

"You're right; I haven't. I've already figured it out. But we can pretend I didn't for a little while to make you feel better."

Ducking her head to hide a smile, Ava turns to walk into her office. She barely resists the urge to point another accusing finger at him. "You're lucky I think your ego is charming. Otherwise, I'd be tempted to withhold the gift I got you."

"You got me a gift?" The surprise in his voice softens his tone.

"I did, so you should stop bullying me long enough to receive it."

"Yes, ma'am. I'm on my best behavior for the rest of the night. What'd you get me?" He wasn't following behind at first, but he is now, and he's closing in on her fast.

"Well, you said you liked my puns, so—"

"Now that's an outright lie. I've told you they're terrible—"

"Which means you really like them. I wanted to give you one to have whenever you want, wherever you want." Ava stretches over her desk, not bothering to walk all the way around it. It takes some digging in her top drawer to find the little blue box she painted. When she turns back to look at him, his eyes are moving around the office. "Here. Use it in good health."

Bucky looks back and takes the box into his hand, a small smile coming up. It stretches across his entire lower face as he gets it open and spots what's nestled inside. "This is the worst one yet."

"Thank you," she replies proudly. "It's one of my favorites."

His cybernetic hand reaches into the box and clinks against the miniature rectangle when he picks it up. He turns it around to look at the back and snorts. "It's a pin."

"Like I said. You get to put it wherever you want, whenever you want."

"So, you won't fly with me, but you'll fly with me—"

The words pull a startled laugh from her. "Oh my god, did you just try to make a pun?" He doesn't respond, looking down at the pin to smile at it some more. She folds her arms around herself, less in defense and more in comfort. "I didn't say I wouldn't fly with you. I really do like driving. It's soothing."

Bucky nods slowly. He walks over to her desk, getting in close while he puts the box down. Turning the pin over in his hands, he pulls the backing off. He tosses the gigantic tactical vest onto the glass surface, then tucks his hand under the dark leather to line up the tiny, glossy pun.

Right there. On his not-uniform. Just off to one shoulder. Toward the metal arm.

It almost brings tears to her eyes to watch. Her throat tightens up, but she can't bring herself to break the silence by trying to clear it.

"You're going to have to get me replacements when it gets shot off," he jokes quietly. She's pretty sure it's a joke.

"That's fine." Her voice isn't all the way steady. But it's most of the way there. She might have gotten away with playing it off if he wasn't the world's most well-trained assassin. "I put everything on the card Tony gave me for work, anyways. I'm hoping the accountants don't notice. Nobody really hands me a paycheck around here, so."

Bucky tugs his skin-tight undershirt back on. It makes the dork look like he's about to put on a scuba suit. "Have you seen what he buys? I think you're in the clear on that one." He leans down and thumbs at the pin now secured to his vest, making that soft metallic clink rise up again over and over. It sounds like the rhythm of a heartbeat. "Thanks, doll."

—

"Why am I looking at the file of a grunt?"

"He's not a grunt."

"He's a level four."

"He's in charge of away teams; that's not a grunt. Plus, he's got like two medals of honor or something."

"Three. What's that supposed to prove anyways? Every Howlie there ever was had one—me included—and we were a buncha drunk dipshits who couldn't tell our ass from a campfire most nights. SHIELD pulled this kid from the military to run errands. What are we doing here, Steve?"

"I didn't ask you to be here. You showed up. And I am handling a problem before it starts." He sees Steve frown out of the corner of his eye. "Responsibly. With facts, not assumptions."

"What problem? Miserable leadership reviews? He'll filter out on his own—"

"That's the kind of attitude that let HYDRA tarnish Peggy's legacy."

The unwavering tone makes Bucky look up from the file on his tablet long enough to give his friend a sidelong glare. "You're so full of shit."

Steve turns to face him in his signature cranky captain stomp. "You wanna run that by me again, asshole?"

"That might be the reason you're sinking your teeth into him, but that's not why we're here. You wanna fess up now or wait for me to find it myself?"

Steve turns back to the one-way glass in front of them and shifts his weight irritably. His arms flex where they're crossed over his chest. A century-old geezer, and he's pouting. "There's nothing to find. I'm doing my job as a level eight."

Bucky's head falls back, and his eyes roll with exaggeration. "Oh my god, if you ever get held hostage, we are so completely fucked. Every state secret this country has is gonna be up for grabs—"

"Once again, I don't remember asking you to be here."

"No, you asked Nat, which was your first mistake. She's even more suspicious, but she's not going to tell either of us what she's figured out in the last twelve hours. Not until it suits her." He looks back down at his tablet pointedly, his voice heading towards mockery. "So, if you don't mind, I'd like to get caught up before the show starts. I hate being distracted during her warm-up swings."

"Yeah, well. I don't care what Nat knows."

Bucky's laugh starts as a chuckle, building higher until it echoes off the glass. "Oh, maaan. So, it's something she's already made fun of you for, and you're gritting your teeth through it. Was he a dick to that lady at the cafeteria? The one who always gives you an extra dessert without charging you?"

"No. I don't know what he does in his down—" Steve pauses, another frown of reconsideration coming up. "JARVIS, can you forward me—"

"Agent Romanoff has already requested I evaluate the security footage of Agent Walker's public interactions within the tower," the AI responds calmly. "She did not find anything of to be of worthy note."

"Hey there, JARVIS. Long time no—hear. Exactly how many grudges are you focused on tonight?" With his head down at this angle, Bucky can see his new pin reflecting the light from the other room in his peripherals. Right next to his shoulder that just got cleaned by his favorite hippie. God, he's in a good fucking mood at the moment.

"I do not hold grudges. I am merely doing my job as a level JARVIS."

Bucky snorts loudly. Steve looks up at the ceiling in exasperation.

"Your jokes are getting worse," the captain accuses. "It's Banner's fault, isn't it?"

"I believe it is the influence of the tower's other pacifist, Dr. Ryder. Her humor is rather snappy, as Sergeant Barnes can attest."

"Don't let her hear you call it humor," Bucky argues with all the sincerity he can muster. "The last thing that woman needs is justification for her verbal crimes."

"What's that thing on your vest, then?"

The sound of Natasha's voice makes Steve jump. Bucky catches his reaction just in time to stop it.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Steve swears under his breath.

"Language, Rogers," Bucky and Natasha hit him with simultaneously. He's hoping jumping on it with her will distract her from—

"That little strip of tin and enamel sure looks like enabling behavior to me."

Damn. It was a long shot to begin with.

"Ava put something on your vest?" Steve's head is getting in his space now, trying to look around to find what Bucky definitely isn't angling to hide.

"I put it there," Bucky corrects briskly. "To shame her."

"Where is it?"

"Fuck off." He shoves at his best friend's hands as they come for his shoulders, trying to stop the effort to rotate him. He's unsuccessful.

"What is that—is that a pin? Quit struggling, shithead; just let me see. What's it say—oh my god."

"Shut up."

"I can't see it real well. Read it to me," Natasha requests calmly. Bucky can hear her blowing on a cup of coffee while he continues to struggle with his best friend.

"Shut the fuck up—"

"It says I bee leaf in you," Steve answers, his voice going obnoxiously high. The asshole is smiling from ear to ear. There's even moisture starting to build in his eyes. "With a little cartoon bee! And a leaf!"

Bucky knew this was coming. He knew it was coming. He was just hoping it would be during the next mission, not here in the tower. Somewhere he could shoot at both of them to make them shut up without having to go to HR for an incident report. Getting Ava's worst pun yet is, apparently, the only good thing the universe is going to grant him this week.

Alright. That new round of painful tactical analysis when she was bent over her own desk trying to find it for him was pretty nice, too. So was watching her dance like that. She's—distractingly nimble. Not much can kill him these days, but the sight of her without a lab coat on keeps coming pretty damn close.

"Now, isn't that precious?" The savage joy in Natasha's voice makes Bucky want to throw his tablet at her.

"I'm shaming her. Making her look at her crimes."

"Don't you go to her office in fatigues?"

"Are you gonna switch it to those when you go see her?" Steve's voice is still too high. He's close enough for Bucky to swing at, so he does, with a solid hook to his shoulder.

"No. I picked it for my gear. I'm not going to move it."

"You picked the spot?"

"Have you cleaned your ears this month? I'm shaming her—"

"Bucky, that's so—"

"Shut up. "

"—sweet. I can't believe—bee leaf!" The dumbass pauses, stumbling over his own stupid laughter. "She got you a pun pin. Did she paint this?"

"I—" Bucky freezes. He didn't think to ask. She'd been pretty choked up after he picked a spot by his left arm. He wanted to give her room, especially after hounding her about taking her home. "I don't know. She painted the box it came in, though."

"Did you keep it?"

He crosses his arms defensively. "Of course I did. She painted it for me. I'm not fucking rude."

"Can I see it?"

"Absolutely fucking not." He shoves at Steve's shoulders, forcing him back. "What's he hiding, Nat?"

She snorts, still not having moved an inch from the back wall. "What, you think I've finished with you?"

"You tell me. What sounds more fun—"

"I feel like this pin thing is pretty serious," Steve tries to argue.

"Trying to pry another reaction out of me or batting Stevie around—"

"Nat, come on, this is a big change—you agree with me—"

"—while you wait for Wakeman—"

"Walker," Natasha corrects before going for another sip of coffee.

"Poster Boy to finish sweating," Bucky finally gets out.

She takes her time enjoying her drink while they both watch her anxiously. When her eyes open back up, she looks tired but pleased. "You should check his away missions."

"Aww, come on—you're about to go in there and leave me to deal with him alone," Steve complains like the giant baby he is.

"Maybe if you bee leaf in him, he won't ridicule you."

"Shut up," Bucky grumbles, already pulling up Agent Walkman's recent away missions. He'll start there, then branch out. His best friend is being a lot more defensive than usual, so it's something good.

"Actually, check his eval for me. I haven't decided how hot I'm going in. Give me your read."

Without hesitation, Bucky does as she asked, opening up the errand boy's medical records to skim the psych evaluation. He gets why Natasha's asking. Sitting in the headspace of someone who breaks people without laying a finger on them gets loud sometimes. It can get hard to remember where the line is. He's not going to deny her the request for a check-in. Not ever. Not with how often she does it for him.

He shrugs at the end of his check, finding nothing out of the ordinary. "He's never been confronted with failure in his life. I'm assuming that's the play?"

"Mhm."

"Hammer it."

"No reservations?"

Bucky snorts. "What's your reservation? You worried about making a West Point brat cry?"

"Nah. Only wanted a second read of the land." He hears Natasha's back crack in a couple of places as she pushes off the wall, proving she's been there for a while. Little shit probably snuck in behind him when he came in and waited. "Thanks. Have fun, boys."

Steve waits until she shuts the door behind her to offer up a bribe. "I'll drop the pin commentary if you close that file."

"You make this too easy."

"I'm serious. I won't say another word about it."

"Yeah, you'll just wind Sam up to do it for you. Is it because his team got paired with Coulson's? Don't make me read through whole logs to find this. It's just going to make it worse when I do."

"You're going to be disappointed when this turns out to be nothing. I'm just doing my job, Buck."

On the other side of the one-way glass, the door to the interview room Waldorf is already sitting in opens. Natasha walks in, her head down and her eyes skimming over the file she definitely had memorized before she got here. It makes the level four who's been waiting on someone for—Bucky's eyes flick over to the timer kept on the wall to document interviews—two hours and nineteen minutes sit up in his chair.

"Agent Romanoff," Wilbur greets her. Bold choice, trying to start them off on equal footing. "Good to finally—"

"Name?" Natasha immediately knocks his dick in the dirt with.

"Oof," Steve mutters, sounding far too pleased. It raises Bucky's suspicion level another notch.

"Ah—John Walker," he answers, his posture shifting as the professional stick goes rigid in his ass. How so very boring.

Bucky's hoping Natasha provides some fireworks here because otherwise, he wasted the trip. The effort had mainly been about harassing Steve for a few minutes after a long week without having the chance to. He could be up in his room right now, bullshitting himself that he's a good enough man to not beat off to the thought of the good doctor again. For the half-dozenth time. The words she was singing at the top of her lungs sure as shit aren't going to help his efforts to be a gentleman tonight. At all.

"Right." Natasha drops the tablet on the table, letting it impact heavily. She leans over it to type in a few details as if adding him to a list. "Tell me why I'm here, Walker."

The agent hesitates. Strike two. "I'm not sure, to be honest with you. I got the call; I went where I was told."

Of course he did, Bucky thinks bitterly. That's what they taught us.

"How long have you been sitting here?"

"Well—I can't give you exact timing without checking in with JARVIS." He pauses again, no doubt waiting for the AI to take the opportunity to assist. When nothing follows, Watson's face falls, and he tries for a quick recovery. He pulls a recruiter-pamphlet-smile directly from his ass. "I know it's somewhere around the two-hour mark. Sorry, I was catching up on some paperwork. I wasn't paying much attention to the clock—"

"Do you normally have to catch up on paperwork?" She's still typing away while she lays her first trap, still refusing to sit. Lining the guy up on her razor's edge.

"I would hope it's as often as my fellow agents. Knowing my tendency to put it off, it's probably not as—"

"You don't know their work ethic enough to say definitively?"

Steep jump from competency to teamwork. Then there's the silent implication that he fucked up the competency question by going for the casual humor of someone being offered a job. That's a heavy floodlight she's pointing at his ego. Bucky is more than willing to count this as fireworks now.

"If we're talking about people I work with regularly, I absolutely do. But, no, I can't say that I know how I compare to—"

"I didn't ask how you compare. I asked if you know your teammates well enough to do so."

Whitman is trying his damndest to keep that smile on his face. There's frustration building behind it, and Bucky can spot the expectation of a test in his eyes. "In that case. I can only tell you about the people I work with the most often. They tend to be better at submitting their paperwork on time, ma'am."

"Romanoff or Agent Romanoff." Natasha's never given a shit about what title people use for her; Bucky knows that. But she sure does love to use it as a tool. "Tell me about these incident reports I'm looking at."

Some of the color drains from the agent's face. "Sorry, what incident reports are we—"

"The ones right here, from your first, second, and fourth deployment." Natasha looks up, finally making eye contact. "Why the radio silence during the third? Boring post?"

"I…. Those are—Nothing of any kind of significance has ever been on my record—"

"I don't need an official military record. SHIELD keeps the field notes from your former superiors." In a move she had to have pre-planned given how flawlessly it's executed, Natasha unzips the jacket she walked in wearing. She shakes off the heavy leather, showing the civies she's got on under it. No uniform, giving the implication that this late-night interview is out of the blue. And a personal favor. "You made quite a few friends on that ladder."

"A few." The confidence in Walter is wavering. The expectation of this being a lateral kind of test isn't front and center in the man's expression. He's trying to find a rock in quicksand.

"Tell me about them."

Bucky tunes out, looking back down at the tablet in his hands. She'll be hunting for ammunition for a while. People the kid respects, positions he was passed up for, grudges—professional or otherwise—to pick at, et cetra. Most of it she'll already know on her end. All of it she'll use against him.

After a minute of droning from the errand boy, he catches sight of Steve's arms unfolding from his chest, his hands tucking into his pants pockets. "So. A late appointment, huh? Was that Ava's request?"

"Nice try, asshole," Bucky grumbles. "I've been gone a week. I told JARVIS to let her know she could call me in whenever. He let me know she was still in the building." Shrugging, he skips to the next mission in Winston's history. "I went so she knows I'm taking this seriously. She offered. I accepted."

"And then she gave you a bee."

"And then she gave me a bee."

"A very cute bee."

"Shut. Up."

"Okay." He sees Steve rock back and forth from the corner of his eye. It makes him skim the mission details faster. He's gotta find the lead before— "Is it because she's divorced?"

"What?" He looks over at Steve in genuine shock. "Why the hell would that matter?"

"Maybe because of who she used to be married to."

"You think I'm intimidated?" Bucky scoffs, insulted. He could rise to that level of expectation—if he wanted to. And there's not a shot in hell that this Alec prick is any kind of a threat.

"By the idea of going out with a civilian woman who just left a career soldier?" The way Steve phrases it makes him freeze in place. "Yeah, Buck, I think that'd be a little intimidating."

Bucky, somewhat slowly, looks back at his tablet. That—it hadn't occurred to him. That particular angle. About Ava and—other expectations she might have when it comes to him.

You'll have to try a lot harder than that for me to fall for a loophole.

Bucky has a lot of self-awareness; he knows how hard he is to deal with. He tried backing off whenever it felt as if he was going too far in her office. She had picked up the other end of the bait every time, and everything seemed good. The Totalitarian jokes she throws at him are only jokes; she wouldn't give him the time of day if they weren't.

But it's not hard to figure out that they're rooted somewhere deep. Somewhere real. She's big on boundaries. She's gravely serious about consent. Those aren't the kind of qualities people hold that high without motivation. Personal motivation.

Giving her full access was the right call. Bucky's wholeheartedly convinced of it on multiple fronts.

"It's not like that," he assures, keeping his voice serious. "There's no plan here. No intentions, either. She puts up with me. I'm trying not to make that a miserable experience for her."

"Sure."

"Fuck off."

"Don't you mean buzz off?" There's no hesitation in Bucky's movements as he swings the tablet off to the side to nail his best friend in the arm with. "Oww!"

"You had it coming. Stop laughing before the grunt hears you, stupid."

The chuckles coming from Steve taper off until it's just snickering. "I think it's sweet."

"So you've said." Bucky tries to work up the nerve for his next question. It takes a few minutes of watching Natasha play with her food. "How pissed was he?"

The silence that followed Steve's snickering gets broken by his snort. "Well, his head didn't actually explode, but, you know, pretty damn pissed."

"Sorry."

"You don't have to be."

"It took a lot for you to—"

"Yes. It did. It took more than even you know, and Nat's made sure you'll never find out exactly how much." Steve looks over and doesn't say anything. Not until Bucky has the nads to meet his gaze. "And the whole point of it was to put it in your hands. That comes with the expectation that you'll use it as you see fit. It's not your problem that Fury likes to selectively forget he agreed to that."

"That doesn't mean it should have to be yours. I'm the one that handed it off to a civilian without asking for—"

"You shouldn't have to ask. That was the whole point." Bucky looks away, but Steve doesn't relent. "We wouldn't have put in the effort if we weren't willing to back it up over time."

"I can sit in for a meeting this time."

"I'm not going to tell you no." Of course he won't. Steve never does. Not when it's something like this. "But I am going to remind you that the two of you have conflicting buttons. More importantly, you don't need to."

"I know. I want to. It's not about—This isn't a challenge for me." He pauses, trying to decide on a way to phrase it. "I'm not looking to win a fight. I want to explain."

"Alright. Spending a week in the doghouse without complaint probably won you some leniency." There's pride sitting in Steve's voice.

It almost makes Bucky avoid bringing up the other thing eating him alive. He could handle it himself behind the scenes. He could even tell Ava to keep it to herself when he eventually fills her in.

But honesty is a two-way street.

"I got a question I gotta ask you," he starts off gently. It's the worst way—Steve's going to pick up on something being wrong and get worried. But Bucky can't think of an alternative.

"Shoot." Yeah. Yeah, there's the nerves surfacing in his voice.

"When you taught her the code—" His best friend's posture stiffens in his peripherals. It makes him switch to treating this like a bandage to rip off. "What language did you teach it to her in?"

Steve's head turns at a speed that looks dizzying, even for their equilibrium. "That only matters if she says it in the right—you're kidding. What the hell—what were you two even talking about that—"

"It wasn't like that," Bucky stresses, hearing the suspicion creeping in. "We were talking about music. She was telling me she doesn't find it sad."

"Jesus," Steve whispers. He follows it up with about a dozen other curses under his breath. "I'm sorry, Buck, I—"

"I know. I'm not looking to blame you. It's happened with other people before; you know that. And it's not like I suspect her of anything. I just—"

"Yeah, no, checking makes complete sense. No one would fault you for that. Did you talk to her about it yet?"

"I'm not planning on talking to her about any of it at the moment."

"Bucky. You can't just—she has to know, she's made that clear—I should have told her from the start—"

"I'm not saying I'm keeping her in the dark forever. I'm saying I'm not telling her right now."

Steve goes quiet again, and Bucky can practically hear the cogs turning in his brain. "I can talk to her about it."

"No."

"It's not like she'd have an issue with pretending it didn't happen—"

"I don't want to pretend it didn't happen." The words come out a lot more forceful than he intended.

"Okay." Steve's not being condescending. There's no dismissal in his tone. He reached a boundary Bucky's made and didn't take offense to it.

A year ago, Bucky wouldn't have been able to handle so much as bringing something like this up. He would have internalized every last part of it. Three years ago, Steve would have questioned him on a hard line like this being drawn. And then gone and done everything without asking, leaving Bucky to feel like an infant.

Not even a few weeks ago, Bucky would have bitten the head off of a level four analyst just because he can't get any decent sleep.

"I felt human again for a minute," he admits quietly. He curls his head in like a fucking coward, using his hair as a heavy curtain to block the view of his best friend. "She said it, and I got to come back down from it, and she didn't know. I'll tell her. I just want to wait until she's had long enough to forget she said it."

He doesn't want to give up how good it felt to flirt with Ava. To feel that warmth and hear that soothing melody. To sit in it all for a minute and let himself live. To be a bastard chasing after a girl way out of his league the way he used to, even if he knows it won't ever go anywhere. To forget, for just a handful of minutes, that he was ever made into a monster.

A couple more weeks of bothering her in the mornings. That'll be enough time for her to forget what words she used tonight. Then he'll have Steve give her the code in every language she speaks.

"That sounds like a good plan." The words don't sound like bullshit with the way Steve's voice stays rock fucking solid in its support. "You wanna... maybe talk about what led to it—"

Bucky straightens his head back up with a long inhale, moving his hair out of the way once again. "I don't know, Steve. Do you want me to try to go to bed for the next three hours, or do you want me to keep reading mission logs?"

"...I hope you get some good rest."

"That's what I thought."

"I'll see you in the morning. We've got that weapons brief—"

"I know."

"—so don't forget—yeah, okay, yup. You already know."

Locking his tablet and heading for the door, Bucky rolls his eyes. "When she comes in for a refill, remind her to run the mom test."

"Will do. Goodnight, Buck."

"Goodnight."

He's almost tempted to check in with JARVIS about Ava. Then he remembers that he doesn't have to do that.

Stepping onto the only elevator leading to the Avengers floor, he pulls his phone from his back pocket and opens their texts. He smiles down at the last picture of Ava's dumbass cat that she graced him with before he got sent out on punishment. There's a miniature, painted straw hat sitting on his bald little head.

Did the moose make it across the road okay? he types out. It takes three tries to force himself to hit send.

Bucky slides his phone back into his pocket. This is the latest he's ever sent her a message. God willing, she's got her ringer off. There's no way she's not in bed by now; it's nearly 0200. If he finds out this woke her up, he'll feel awful. He didn't exactly say he was going to be checking up on her.

Now he's worried he shouldn't have. Back in the day, it would have been second nature to make a quick call once he got back to his own place. He can't tell if that's the polite thing to do in this case or if it's too—

Bucky's phone vibrates against his left ass cheek not even thirty seconds after he put it there. He's got it back in his hand, held up to his face, in less than two.

see! you love my puns. and i am not currently roadkill! bonus points, reads her reply text.

He grins down at his phone like a fucking idiot. When Natasha eventually finds the security footage, and she will, he's not even going to be mad about being bullied for it.

Before he can type a reply, she hits him with another. dont g-men have bedtimes?

Yes, ma'am. The government just doesn't have the budget to implement them, he sends back.

This texting thing is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, he gets to talk to her without having to work up the nerve to call her. On the other, he can't see how much that made her smile.

Not having the face-to-face usually doesn't bother Bucky. Then again, he usually doesn't text outside of work, so that's probably got something to do with it.

She sends back a laughing emoji rapid fire, then those three little dots dance for a minute while she goes back to typing. are you even allowed to make those kinds of jokes? doesnt SHIELD pay your phone bill?

Probably. I haven't bothered asking.

about the permission or the bill?

Both.

He gets another laughing emoji. go to bed, idiot. you looked like you were ready to fall over in my office. believe it or not, your brain needs this funny thing called SLEEP.

Sleep well, doll. Bucky's finger hovers over the send button, but he doesn't hit it.

He used the word in her office. It slipped out on accident the first time. The second time had been a check-in that she didn't seem to scorn. That might have been because she was choked up. Having to read it now makes the word feel heavier. Too heavy.

He hits the backspace to change it out for doc instead at the last minute. The send button is a lot easier to hit after that. He's banking on the fact that the choice didn't take long to make. Maybe, just maybe, she didn't notice.

you too, she signs off with.

Bucky doesn't move as the elevator doors open in front of him. He keeps his eyes locked on his phone. Focused right on the little heart emoji she put after the last word.

A slow, shy smile starts to creep up on him. He steps off the elevator, walking distractedly to his room to try to catch a REM cycle or two. It's still there on his face as he strips out of his gear, thinking about the doctor. It doesn't fade, even as he tosses his comforter, blanket, and lone pillow onto the floor.

He manages to be a gentleman that night. Mainly because he falls asleep listening to her playlist titled chill sketching before his hand can find any trouble.

—

u wanna know why the howlies couldnt tell their ass from a campfire most nights? its bc their asses fell INTO the campfire most nights. god i fucking love those idiots. i REALLY wanna do some howlies fics at some point (and i kinda want it to be a biker!au if im honest. i could undo the trauma SoA put me through by making comfort fics abt big biker man and his lil doc 🥺)

anyways there IS a reason i go so hard on discount cap, its not just bc he smells and i hate him. i have a hc for bucky’s opinion on dudes like him thatll get brought up at some point, youll see. it got pretty heavily hinted at in this chapter

also, other quick hc, if natasha romanoff were to be given the big boy serum and a lil sippy sip from the fountain of youth, the galaxy would be safe literally forever. we wouldnt need any more super heroes, everyone could retire. no one can convince me otherwise 😤

im (kind of) up and running on tumblr!! same handle, i reserved it when i got this act. ignore how bare bones the chapter posts are, ill make fancy formatting and graphics later. the initial wave was a panic back up when i realized im not saving these anywhere after posting and ao3 shut down for a few days lmao

i WILL put in a real effort to go track down blogs to follow and add other stuff at some point, pinky promise!! if you wanna find me for mutual fandom screaming, thats where ill be babes 💖🥰 im 98% sure i remembered to set up all the anon stuff properly for anyone thats Shy ❤️ you are more than welcome to submit requests 💞 ill make a pinned post abt it at some point

#chapter update

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mosviqu · 11 months

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yessss i love the choreography i was so shocked when i first saw it it's so amazing!!! how did u like the album if u managed to listen to it??:o

one day maybe i will get there until then i'm glad u got out of being the copier!!🥳

I HATE THOSE KIND OF TWEETS SO MUCH but he is definitely not going to stream as much for obvious reasons and that is just💔💔love watching his streams☹️BUT I ACTUALLY LOVE IT SO MUCH HOW BIG OF A WILBUR FAN U ARE!!!🥳🫡

FOR ZEROBASE ONE A TRAILER/CONCEPT VIDEO IS OUT IDK IF U SAW IT BUT IT LOOKS SO PROMISING!!!!!! I LIKED IT VERY MUCH SO IF U END UP WATCHING IT PLS LET ME KNOW HOW U LIKED IT!!! (and sorry if u already saw it like usual i wanst on tumblr☹️☹️☹️)

KISS ME IF U CAN IS ONE OF THEIR BEST SONGS!!! well the last kiss me if u can was sang by new but idk if u mean just that😟but u probably by now have it figured out CUZ I SUCK AT REPLYING IM SO SORRY

AND I RELLY HOPE U ARE WELL AND WILL BE GOING TO BE FEELING BETTER!!! I WANT TO FIGHT OF ALL OF UR PROBLEMS (ง'̀-'́)ง WISHING U ALL THE BEST🥳💖💘💞 (liebestraum anon🥸💞)

I havent managed to listen to the whole album yet but i definitely have it on my mental to-do list!!! do tell me if u listened to it and how u liked it 👀

i mean i figured he's not gonna stream as much that is like inevitable with the way lovejoy is kicking off, but the thought of him stopping completely freaked me out and i dont even watch his streams 😭😭😭

I just watched the trailer bc i genuinely forgot it got released- IT LOOKS SO GOOD ???? the concept is very interesting indeed i am into it 👀 i have a good feeling about this debut please dont make me disappointed boys!!!

okay so i watched a color coded lyric vid and i definitely meant eric's rap it got me GASPING for air like the KISS SOUND AT THE END OF HIS RAP OH LORDDDDD but i also loved sunwoo's parts bc of course i did....the fucker..😔 also in the boyz news i just realised i am watching a webdrama with younghoon in it LMAO they also played a the boyz song in the earlier episodes i just forgot which one tho

DONT BE SORRY FOR REPLYING LATE BC OH WELL.... I CANT EVEN REMEMBER HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO REPLY TO THIS I AM SO SORRY 😭😭😭 i kinda hate life rn so interacting is a struggle. also i am aware that i havent replied to the ask u sent on rrxnjun but i kinda went on a hiatus and dont rlly check that blog rn so i hope u dont mind me replying to that one when im back ☹

also.........i may be seeing 5sos in budapest....?? still dont have the tickets bc im waiting for my friend to get paid first (its complicated) but my mum said yes.... so its like. 50/50 rn so im not trying to get too excited abt it but man...... once the tickets are bought and in my hands im gonna freak out.

#take care ily #i hope youre doing well!!!#liebestraum anon

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tuxedokit · 1 year

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Ooo, just remembered another song that I connect to Dion! "INEXPLICABLE" by The Correspondents. I just.

"when I was four / i raised my finger to a moving car / it crashed / so i assumed i had a super power / i didn't raise that finger until i was nine / when a school boy attacked me for the 25th time. / down i went, my index still up / so convinced that he would just drop / powerless to make it stop / powerless to make it stop" and like. Dion not believing in the curse until he sees it in action.

The second verse "at 19 / i still just about believed in god / i guess / that i was pretty late to shake it off" if we change the age then like. Dion still holding onto her psychophobia and ignoring the damage it's doing to her family. Having trouble shaking off her belief in the curse even after the events of the game, because that's not a belief that's easily shaken. And then "faulty magic whispered to the man who can mend / i tricked myself in thinking he could cure my best friend / two weeks in his insides gave up / if drugs can't help why would words bring him luck / powerless to make it stop / powerless to make it stop" being a reference to the astrolaithe and the events of the games. Like if this song were an animatic that is the imagery that comes to mind. "two weeks in" raz runs away and maybe a week later everything falls apart.

And then the third verse being Dion having to figure out what the fuck she needs to do no. Having to pick up the pieces and reconcile. "now / my hands are pulling at the donkey's reigns / i feel / i've gone the wrong route down a dusty lane / the grass could have been greener down the first road i took / i'd give up my happiness just for one look" and Dion having to reconcile everything, how she hurt her siblings and how the curse hurt the family. "My lust to win is eating me up / a game i can't win up against my own clock" Dion having to unlearn her own bad habits and work through her issues if she wants to be a better brother.

And throughout all of this we've got the refrain which is just. Vibes. "Inexplicably high / inexplicably low" The curse isn't real (high)! They lost so many opportunities to it (low)! Raz is okay, the whole family is still here (high)! But his grandmother is his great aunt, his father's dealing with a sudden onslaught of new memories, the whole family is having to unlearn their prejudices, and Dion ran her big mean mouth at Raz (low). "I think i know what i want / but i don't know where to go" there's a clear goal to adapt to everything and keep going, show must go on and all that, but also not really knowing how to start picking up the pieces. Dion knows she needs to apologize but she isn't sure how.

"And all the while it seems / that i'm living in my dreams / not in the now / no, not in the now." Dion having her whole world turned upside down feels.

Like. This song could be linked to the Aquatos as a whole but those first two verses got me to connect it to Dion and their feelings on the curse and psychics and the events of the games. And so the rest of the song got connected to Dion from there.

-💜

you cant keep giving me dion songs i cant memorize them fast enough

#/lh /j please keep going #💜 anon #carpet shut up challenge #psychonauts #dion aquato

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souleaterpostanime · 1 year

Text

SE-POST Reread part 3/4

chapter 20:Well took only 20 chapters to show Maka's mother, just probably in a way people don't like. But I thought it would be more interesting to show her as deeply flawed and hurt by the world and not as a paragon of virtue (partially because the later would maybe be even more difficult to write without resorting to killing her of for drama, which would be cheap, especially when just having a perfect person die is more boring than somebody whos flawed and who you havent fully resolved your isuess with yet...) But anyways, I think the chapter worked overall, one could complain about the convenienves of charachters meeting and going to places in oportune times but eh, I dont think that is a real problem. Also I hope I captured Spirits personality more or less, thought the concept of two awkard people talking and messing up while trying to fix it would be funny, but not sure if it landed, but atleast it mostly worked for me. Anyways, think the next chapter will let me write something more substantial about this mini arc, but we'll see.chapter

21: Play "Cold shoulder to cry on" by Werewolf hair if you want an eno enough song for the sad parts of the chapter lol. But nah seriously, dunno, yeah maybe I shouldnt have rushed the art of this one, cause some action panels got ruinned by not being clear enough, but I think the jist of it survived. Think the idea of taking vikings, who were known to pillage and enslave people and to combine it with a overzealous social worker who can't wait to take away kids for any reason more clvever than people would admit. Especially when I kinda was "inspired" by a scandal of one of these organizations ,in Norway I think, taking away the kid of a family, just because they were another etnhicity and culture, guess old habbits die fast with nazi collaborators... But maybe I'm to harsh on them, but after hearing a few months ago that scandinavians dont even give food to their guests, it seems I was right all along, lol. Nah weird jokes aside, I guess maybe I showed Makas mood changing a bit too fast, and maybe the small.teases for charachters who will apear more in the next chapter could be kinda distracting, but I think they served the porpuse to show the time passing of Maka sleeping and waking up. Still this chapter was important to set up some developments in the future, even if it may went a bit "too real" with just parents bickering and causing kids to cry... Eh who knows If these notes seem usesless to you, just comment to ask a question, maybe I'll have something more intersting to say?chapter

22:Yeah this one isn't one of the best... Just the fact the art kinda sucks again and maybe I also overdid it with the switching of perspectives and flashbacks, most be confusing for any reader. Still I think I thought I could use a chapter to pay off some things, and to set up them further. And also Liz having a trip from an exotic icecream flavor and anxiety is kinda funny, and I think a feat like that suits her charachter. Also making the one woman that saved Giriko kinda stupid seemed to work in a weird way. Still dunno, maybe the whole commentary on Blairs role and the choice of being human may be a bit to weird, but eh, I already commited to that, so if any "cringe reaction" community finds my stuff they will have enough material, unless I pull of what I plan to do succesfully, then I cant wait for the 10 hour long video essays exhalting my genius. (And atleast I didnt just discard a charachter I found "problematic", which would have been the easy way). Anyways eh who knows, maybe somebody reading this got something out of this, I atleast did.chapter

23:At the first pages when rereading this one I though "man will this be more boring and tedious than I remember?" But then by the time I finished I was somehow really engadged lol, funny how a "ship" I did partly just for the hell of it developed in such a way that I like it that much, especially as someone who doesnt really care for romance storys and shit. Maybe one could say I wrote Ragnarok to be a bit too nice with Tsubaki, but with all the charachter development and stuff I guess its justifiable, makes the contrast more noticable. Still I remember thinking if Tsubakis homesickness could come off as a "first world problem", especially in a silly action story with death and monster like soul eater, but eh dunno seemed to be a idea that could work with her, especially as a bigger part of her regrett and feelings of being ignored. Maybe for it to work I had to make Blackstar to much of a dick, but some sacrifices have to be made, guess I have to give him more positive moments. But funny thing I got a comment on this chapter once which said the art was hard to read, and while I agree with that sentiment, especially in fights, I didnt really notice that this much in this chapter, especially when it was so dialog focused, and even if some panels looked goofy. But I think thats the problem of being the maker of if - you cant really tell what isnt clear to you because you now what happens better than anybody else. So whenever you dont get something stay free to comment, no mater how harsh your critique will sound. Anyways I end it with saying this: I want some cherry pepsi.chapter

24:This one felt surprisingly short when reading, maybe because it didnt have as much dialog and discussion as the last one or maybe I was engadged in whats happening. Still I hoped I conveid the concept of Crona having a good day and succeding well, so it would make sense that his anti demon wavelength would be strong enough to temporatily purifie his blood. Also I hope there were enough hints to show he hasnt solved all his problems (think the blind man was obvious enough, maybe even a bit too much?). Still liked the villian at the start, and the misdirect who the crimson king is (and the hint that this wouldnt be a only positvie title, but one showing a split in sanity too... Dunno maybe Im trying to get too much out of the musical reference). Anyways, the action in it looked better than I remember ed, so thats a plus too. And yeah I think this is the point things finally start to heat up, but maybe Im misrembering. But next is the infamous Kim chapter so we'll see...chapter

25:I normally dont talk a lot about the coverpages in the notes, mostly because Im not satisfied with most, they just seem rushed or just fundementally broken from the beginning, except maybe for the flow and composition of them. But in this one I even remember the first time really being proud with the cover, while it not being super simplistic. Even now, while the feeling has diminished a bit and I see in more ways how it isnt all good and looks amateurish in a few ways, I still overall am satisfied enough with it, and see it as a succesfull atempt in rendering, unlike for example the witch mass one that was just a mess. Guess it helps that I just like the whole idea of the picture, think it conveis the feeling of the chapter in a way.(just sucks that I didnt notice the typo and still am to lazy to correct it lol) Anyways, speaking of the content of it, maybe I didnt make it clear enough that Death was being kinda a dick partly because I wanted to show his "aging" when old people can get angry and irritated, not hiding their prejudices, but maybe it just went out of charachter, even if he was more like that in his youth in a way?Anyways, dont know how people see the whole Kim and Jackie dynamic, I guess I didnt have a lot to work of from the show, think they got more charachterization in the comic, which probably is more different. Still I got a backstory planned, which will show why they are childhood friends and how they didnt meet just at the academy like in the source material (I mean, maybe thats the wronf word, think the anime didnt clarify that and I base everything on that so I aint breakin' no lore lol) Still maybe this could be seen as generic drama, of a teenager being depressed and her friend showing support but eh, seemed to work, maybe it doesnt count as emotional manipulation? Also Maka getting teary eyed when mentioning how she didnt go saving Soul right away may be a bit too much, but I think in her current mental state it may be justifiable. Oh and "violence on tv" was a good joke, I dont care.chapter

26:Hm, maybe something was missing to make Cronas mood change seem believable, but I did build it up for some time and I think exploring some childish entitlment and resentment due to trauma may be more intetestting than just the played out self loathing and crying I mean how many people do you know that instead of being happy for what they have, are pissed that they didnt get it sooner or got even more, you know what I mean, think everybody thinks in a immature way like that sometimes, especially when agitatated. But besides that, think the whole parralel between Crona and Kim worked mostly in this chapter, maybe it got a bit clunky in the perspective shifts and flashbacks but eh. Think both sides got shown as not really being "good guys" in this situation, with Kim lashing out horribly and Crona being filled with anger the whole day, which makes him snap easier. Still both are also partly justified in their actions and feelings. I dunno, maybe this ambiguity is too much for a story like that? chapter

27:The most dramatic chapter of the story I had done to this point, probably. The fight went a bit quicker than I remember, still was intersting to incorporate such a unique weapon like Jaqueline, even if I probably didnt use it in the most creative ways. I guess one could complain that I gave Crona a bew abilitie out of nowhere with the whole pausing of the resonance and then finishing it later, but I thought with all the training from Stein and his recent confidence boost, he would be able to do something like that, specially when it fits the whole music/noise team and in the end it doesnt seem to be something to complicated just a clever/sneaky way of using soul resonance. Anyways, think Crona being "betrayed" wasnt completly justified but in a situation like that it was understandable, even if Crona could have actually even died (maybe not high risk, probably would have been found unconsious before getting heatstroke or starving but with all the commotion who knows) Anyways, yeah pushing a little kid is never ok, but just shows how messed up Crona was mentally at the moment and how strong his hatred for witches got, atleast he seemed to regret it instantly, but I wonder if for some readers that is crossing a line Anyways, at the mirror scene I made the dialog to be ambigious on porpuse so you are not sure if its Crona speaking about himself, witches or his imagination as the witches roasting him, it was supposed to flow from one to another. And the glass breaking is just a cool visual, even with my art.Anyways the shaved head might seem like a very weird decision, but with the whole trope of meaningful haircuts, I thought it would work as a fun visual meatphor and something to ease tension but also show the "transformation".

#soul eater post #soul eater #reread #comic #sketches

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dr4cking · 3 years

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Can you write a Draco imagine based on the song traitor by Olivia Rodrigo. Where Draco and fem!xreader are dating since their third year, used to do everything together, they went to yule ball together, but in sixth year when Draco becomes a death eater, their relationship is not working anymore and the reader is not happy, she breaks up with him and starts dating Blaise shortly after like the song says, years later he gets a wedding invitation from them and she is pregnant with Blaise's baby?

Traitor.

masterlist taglist

draco malfoy x reader | angst |

a/n : i’ve been listening to traitor for a whole week and it hurts me a lot skskskk but thank you for requesting! <3

draco loved her so much and he thought they would have their future just like the way they always imagined it to be, but he clearly was wrong.

he cherished every moments he had with her. when the first time he asked her out nervously and she agreed eventually. since then, they started dating. they’ve been dating since their third year.

he remembered when they were an iconic couple back then, people are so envy with their relationship. and when the yule ball comes, they came together and that night couldnt be more perfect.

that was until his sixth year. the worst year in his life.

he got chosen by the dark lord, he was marked as a death eater. y/n knew about it and told him it was fine because he didnt want to be one in the first place.

then he got his first task. he was so stressed about it. if he didnt succeed, ‘he’ threatened to kill him and her.

and thats when he grew distant. he was so focused on the task that he didnt paid any attention to his girlfriend.

but he did noticed, he noticed how she gets closer to one of his best mate, blaise zabini. at first it was just a simple conversation, until it turned into something more.

he saw it with his own eyes. he talked to her about it but she always brushed it off.

“y/n..” he called out making her turning her head to him.

“yes draco?”

“i- i want you to be honest with me..” y/n swore she could feel her heart dropped to her stomach. she signaling him to go on.

“are you seeing blaise?” she froze at her seat. she takes a big sighed before answering.

“no, i’m not draco. we’re just friends. he knew i’m with you.”

she always dodged his questions and telling him that he was just being paranoid because of his tasks and he believed it.

“draco you’re just being paranoid!” she shouted in the middle of their argument. they’ve been fighting these past few days.

“relax, draco. i think you just got overwhelmed with all of the dark lord’s tasks.” she sat him up on the bed, pulling him into her warm embrace until it turned into more than innocent comfort.

y/n started to hanging out more with blaise, whenever he wasnt there, she always seek her chance to see him. he knew about it, but he just keep quiet so that he could kept her.

it wasn’t her fault, its his. if only he didnt became a death eater, if he could spend more time with her, this wouldnt happened.

and thats when it hit him.

“draco i- i think we should see other people. this isnt working out anymore, you know it. i’m really sorry”

no you weren’t sorry.

“its blaise, isnt it?”

“no. draco listen, i still care about you and you can always talk to me whenever you need it, but this relationship is just- its just not working out anymore.” she repeated her words, still avoiding his assumptions, but he already knew.

draco cried that night in his dorm. wishing that he could turn back the time to where they were still happy with each other. and he blamed it all on the dark lord.

it only took her 2 weeks to go off and date blaise. after they called it quit, she already became his.

how could he be so stupid? it was so obvious. he wondered if she even loved him in the first place. and thats when the realization hit him, it wasnt his fault.

he know she didnt cheat, but she is still a traitor.

years passed, they’ve graduated and separated on their own ways, he has been seeing astoria greengrass lately, his parents arranged her for him. but he would be lying if he said his first love has left his heart yet.

draco was standing by his balcony, staring at the view in front of him, inhaling the fresh air, he closed his eyes.

but suddenly an owl flew to him, sitting on the edge of his balcony. he takes the letter the owl sent him, he opened it only to broke his heart even more.

it was a wedding invitation. its written y/n’s name and blaise zabini on it. he stared at the invitation blankly until he realized tears already building up in his eyes. he threw the invitation.

little did they know, draco came that day. he watched them getting married to each other from far away. then he noticed y/n has a little bump in her stomach, she’s pregnant, with blaise’s child.

he told himself it should’ve been him. stood in the altar with her and she carrying his child. it was supposed to be him, they always planned their future like that. if only she didn’t became a traitor.

draco went back to his manor, he cant take it anymore. seeing his first love getting married to the person he always considered as his brother.

he walked inside his home, he wanted to meet his father, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this but he would take it anyway.

“father? can i have a word with you?” lucius straightened up his body on his seat, he motioned draco to take a seat in front of him.

“go ahead, son.” draco takes a deep sigh before opening his mouth.

“i accept the arrangements.”

god, i wish you had thought this through before i went and fell in love with you.

she turned him into a mess.

all because of she had betrayed him.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i feel really bad for draco after writing this lol

tagging : @dracoscum @hellounicorn @onyourgoddamnleft @whoreforgeorgeandfred @turn-to-page-394-please @malfoysbiitch @dracmalf0y-dm @f4iryluvy @arzfia @slut4dracoo @alexthealexthealex

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x y/n #draco oneshot #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy smut #draco angst #draco x y/n #draco x reader #draco x you #harry potter #draco smut

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0mrs-evans0 · 3 years

Text

𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬... 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞

Warnings: smut +18, sexual content, fingering, f x f, lesbian sex, cunnilingus, sex in public, cheating

+18 MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Words: 1,8k

Summary: Your best friend helps you detach yourself from reality.

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Enjoy the reading!

You were so tired of faking that everything is alright. Your relationship fell apart with each passing day. It wasn't the same as it used to be. Once you both loved each other, now you were together because it was much easier that way. Pretend you still feel something for him every day. Your life has become monotonous.

All the hours spent together looked the same. Nothing has changed. Well, maybe apart from the feeling you once had. You didn't feel anything for Bruce anymore. Just sad indifference. Pretending to be a happy couple in front of people was not easy. Just the thought of having to grab his hand made you disgusted. You didn't even sleep in one bed.

You weren't even sure what you were doing this for. You didn't care about him. Perhaps the thought that you would admit your mistake to your parents, who did not support the relationship from the beginning.

That evening you made an appointment with Natasha for a couple of drinks. You had a day off from work so you didn't want to stay home because you knew Bruce would be there. You didn't have to spend time with him unless it was necessary.

You started the preparations with a hot bath. You needed to relax, for a long time now your whole body was terribly tense. You poured your beloved chocolate bubble bath into the water. It was your favorite fragrance. You shake everything with your hand to make foam. You took off all your unnecessary clothing.

You stared at your naked reflection in the mirror for a moment. What happened to this confident young woman? Everything has changed since you started dating Bruce. You didn't feel so attractive anymore. You don't even remember the last time he praised you, what your body looks like. You wanted to see yourself as goddesses. You deserve it. You have decided that tonight will change your life. You will love yourself and your curves again.

You carefully put one foot in the bathtub, making sure the temperature is right. The water was hot. Only that could help soothe your sore muscles. You get immersed in the water. You don't remember the last time you were so relaxed. The light from the candles gave you a blissful feeling of peace. You reached for a glass of wine you put on the edge of the tub.

After an hour you stand on the bathroom tiles. You shudder at the feeling of their coldness, wrapped your body in a fluffy white towel, and brushed your teeth. Then did some facial treatments. The next step was to lubricate the body. For today, you've chosen a balm with a slightly chocolate-strawberry aroma.

Completely refreshed, you returned to the bedroom and then to the dressing room. From the cupboard, you pulled out new baby pink lace underwear. For a moment you wondered what to wear for tonight. You've chosen a short, satin dress that you haven't had the chance to test yet. Looking in the mirror you marveled at how well it fits all your curves. You looked really sexy. You finally felt as beautiful as one time.

You put on more makeup than usual. Now, your eyes were shimmering with the glitter you used. The lips looked really tempting in that blood-red lipstick. The confidence emanated from your posture, and that was it all about. The highlighter made you look like a celebrity.

You packed the phone and keys in a small purse. Finally, you were ready to leave. Without even looking at the couch where your "boyfriend" was sitting, you made your way to the door.

You got into the yellow taxi and after a while, you stood in front of the "Inferno" club illuminated by red neon lights. You wrote to Natasha, she was already inside.

Without waiting for anything else, you entered the club and immediately went to the bar next to which your friend was standing. "Hi!" As soon as Nat noticed you, she stepped off the barstool and hugged you. "You look so beautiful in that dress, honey!"

You smiled slightly at her praise. Bruce probably wouldn't even notice your little change. You ordered yourselves a drink, sitting at the bar all the time, laughing and talking. You don't even remember the last time you had so much fun. Banner restricted all of your life areas. You finally felt free. "That's my favorite song!" Romanoff tried to shout over the loud music. "You have to go dancing with me!"

Without waiting for your reply, she pulled your hand and led you out onto the crowded dance floor. Honestly, you didn't want to dance, but you didn't want to say "no" to her either.

You don't even know at what point you started rubbing against each other. The feeling of her body against yours was heavenly. Natasha, as if reading your mind, turned to look at you. You felt her hands on your hips. Your lips started a fight for domination. Her hand began to wander down your dress. She tugged its end gently.

Your whole body stiffened as Romanoff touched your smooth pussy. She didn't care if you were still on the dance floor full of people where someone might notice it at any moment. "God!" She moaned into your ear. "You're so wet for me. When was the last time someone touched you the way I do?" "I don't remember." Your cheeks turned red in the embarrassment. They resembled the color of a ripe tomato. Natasha did not expect such honesty.

She laughed a little, which made you worse embarrassed. Without asking any more questions, she took her hand out from your panties and licked her wet fingers provocatively.

After a while, you both ended up in a bathroom. Natasha pushed you onto the dark tiles. She smiled as she noticed the goosebumps on your skin. You couldn't help it that your own friend turned you on.

You had never thought of her that way before. "Tell me, sweetheart..." Her lips were on your neck. More shivers passed you as Natasha left bite marks on your sensitive skin. "Do you want me to ruin that pretty body of yours?" "Y-yes." You stuttered. "Yes, what?" She smiled maliciously.

"Yes, please." You said quietly. "You have to be louder. I want everyone in this fucking club to hear how thirsty you are for me. "Please fuck me!" You practically screamed. "If you are asking so nicely." She smiled seeing what state she brought you to. Just at that moment, you felt her fingers inside you.

You groaned out loud at a feeling you've never had before. You were not used to such delicate hands, but to be honest you liked what Natasha did to your body much more than men did.

Her fingers skimming along your slick lower lips. You couldn't help but keep out loud moans and gasps. Her free hand slid against the side of your face straight to the mouth. You sucked her finger at which Romanoff snarled loudly.

She had dreamed about this moment for so long. Now that she finally had you at her disposal, she couldn't get enough of your beautiful face. Your moans made Natasha want you even more. She has long suspected you're not straight. Tonight she found out the hard way.

Seeing her watching you fiercely, you pulled Natasha into a careless kiss. Her lips were soft and juicy. It was a nice change from the dry ones you've always been in contact with.

She cupped your jaw and titled your head back. She wanted to remember this view for the rest of her life. You were canting your hips for more. Natasha's fingers coated in your arousal. She was so close to your clit. She moved her thumb so she could circle it.

You were squirming at the pleasure she gave you. Your lips didn't part, you both wanted more. Suddenly she knelt down in front of you, tore your soaked panties to shreds, and made her way to your inner thighs. The feeling of her lips against your body was indescribable. You grabbed the strands of her hair with trembling hands. You weren't worried about her hairstyle, which was ruined at the moment. You had to hold on to the wall, you knew you could fall at any moment, and you were already very close to it.

Her tongue on your pussy was incredible. You knew this one time would not be enough. Natasha made you addicted to her touch and the pleasure it carried.

You were like a junkie, missing the right dose for months. Your friend was like a drug and you wanted more with every second. You would give anything to feel like this all the time. You were high. "I'm gonna cum." You moaned. "Cum, baby." She said with her lips still on your sensitive area. "Cum for me!"

"Everything fine there?" You heard a knock on the bathroom door and a concerned woman's voice. You got scared a little, but you didn't want Nat to stop. "Yeah! Everything is fine!" At the same moment you came with a loud groan.

Natasha laughed, which sent shivers down your body. "Did he ever make you so wet?" She asked with a mocking smile. Even though she had wanted you for a long time, playing with a girl of the would-be boyfriend was satisfying, to say the least. Romanoff knew she got you into a state you never knew before. Natasha made a beast out of you.

You came home on shaky legs. You still got chills at what you did with Nat. She made you addicted to herself. You wanted more and more.

When you entered the apartment, you noticed that Bruce was still sitting on the couch in the living room. Hearing the door open, he glanced towards you. "How was your night with Nat?" Bruce asked. He noticed the smudged lipstick you had all over your chin. "It was..." You have been wondering for a moment. "Intensive."

Just remembering it, wetness floated down your naked thighs.

#natsha romanoff #natasha romanoff x you #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow smut #natasha romanoff imagine #black widow imagine #natasha x you #natasha x y/n

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amazingphilza · 3 years

Text

maniac :: cc!tommy x reader

angst (?) , platonic (?) , gender neutral ! ib: conan gray’s maniac

this is satire & note that i write the reader to be a few months younger than tommy (besides that, i think it is fully inclusive !)

synopsis : you put all your hard work towards a useless crush. with no expectation for reciprocated feelings in the first place, it still all ends in a bittersweet slap to reality.

you grew up with minecraft and it was an understatement to say it was part of your childhood

even years later, you still maintained interested in the game

it wasn’t just a simple video game, the community inspired you to do many things

you aspired to be like the creators you watched at a young age like sky, dantdm, cupquake, stampy, and many more

making people happy and entertained was a dream

and when minecraft slowly began trending again in 2019, you started making your own content whenever you felt like it out of fun

you never got much views but it was an enjoyable experience nonetheless

but it wasn’t until the first minecraft monday you decided to push a bit more with your hobbies and worked hard to make it somewhere

however balancing your passions with school wasn’t the easiest

given, you were still only around 15 and your content wasn’t even that good

with not much of a goal or plan with your youtube channel, you fell out of interest eventually

you loved minecraft but you always a rocky relationship with it; getting back into it for a few months then pretending it never really existed for another few

besides the occasional videos you watched in your pass time, you didn’t stay that updated

then lockdown happened

it changed everything and even got you regressing back to old interests

soon enough you were back to minecraft

there was so much to catch up on

hermitcraft season 7 just started, there was minecraft championships, and smp earth and smp live, and so much more to look forward to watching

you were a bit late on both of the smps but your interest peaked specially towards smp earth and it didn’t stop you from watching the past videos

you first gravitated towards a certain youtuber’s videos first since you remember stumbling onto his videos before from your recommended page; wilbur soot

besides recognizing him from his you laugh you lose series and making parody-type of songs, you didn’t know much

however with a few clicks, you had binge watched his smp earth series effortlessly

you found yourself falling down the endless hole, finding more creators to watch through wilbur

one in particular caught your eye in an interesting way

tommyinnit

my god, how can someone be so annoying and pushy in these videos? like shut up already

and to find out he was barely months older than you frustrated you

you just wanted to be better in some way

if someone like him could be popular, why can’t you? yelling at others and causing problems didn’t seem that hard

and so you went back to working hard on your previously failed youtube channel but this time with a goal; be better than tommyinnit

it was a weird aspiration in your head but it worked

he was your age and successful, why need a better motivator?

tommy wasn’t the sole reason why you strive to make content since you truly did want to create videos to entertain people like the youtubers you originally grew up watching

and with the amount of free time you had, you thoroughly analyzed his content; what was the most popular, how he streamed, edited his videos, everything

you just completely studied the algorithm in general

along the way, tommy’s personality grew on you

tommy was undoubtedly a very loud and energetic person but you became fond of his ambitions

you understood why he was popular at such a young age; he was a natural entertainer

your spite towards the boy turned into a hope

a hope to be at par with him someday and even be mutuals

and it was like your dreams were suddenly manifested into existence

you gained a large following in the early months of lockdown and even was recognized to be apart of minecraft championships

it felt like yesterday that you were just watching your favorite youtubers livestream the same competition

and now you were situation in a team to play yourself for the first time instead of being a viewer for once

not to mention, with tommyinnit as a teammate

how did you manage to get so lucky?

under the excitement, you felt beyond never nervous waiting in the empty discord call for your team to join you to practice the mini-games

in the middle of gathering your thoughts together, you heard a sound from discord signaling someone joined the call

“uh, hello?”

you heard the familiar british accent you spent hours listening to from countless streams and videos

“h-hi! i’m y/n, how are you?”

you hoped tommy couldn’t hear the strain in your voice due to fighting your nerves, but you quietly celebrated that you didn’t freeze up altogether

“oh i’m good, thank you. and i’m tommy by the way, this is the first time we’re speaking, yeah?”

“yep! it’s nice to meet you”

“yeah, i’ve seen your name around the timeline a few times, you seem cool”

oh my god what?

“thanks! um i actually really enjoy your content not gonna lie”

“oh wow, good shit!”

and the conversation smoothly went on, bouncing back and forth between you two before your other two teammates joined the call

once everyone was situated, you decided to start streaming since it was your first mcc and you wanted a vod of you practicing to look at later on as a memory

your chat immediately noticed how much you were enjoying yourself, especially after all the short stories of talking about who inspired you in the past

the smile plastered on your face never left

after stream and your other teammates went offline, it was you and tommy left in the call once together again

“it was nice talking to you tommy! and the practice was really fun, i cant wait for the actual competition!”

“yeah definitely, we’ll for sure place high”

“hopefully. it’s my first time and i hope i don’t cost us the dub”

“nah, you think so? i mean rt and plumbella are also our team mates so you know, it’s all for fun in the end”

you knew tommy was implying the teamwork wasn’t going to be the best compared to the other teams but at least in the end you’ve both made a new friend

“yeah you’re right!”

“anyway it’s getting late imma hop off”

“okay tommy, talk to you soon?”

“yep!”

“alright byee”

“bye!”

the moment he left the call, you felt a sense of relief before a small wave of sadness took over

you wanted to continue talking to tommy but you knew you had other responsibilities to tend to

for the rest of the day, you couldn’t stop thinking of the call and mcc practice

the funny jokes, singing random songs, screaming for no reason, everything

it even kept you awake until the early morning

you buried your head in a pillow and screamed into it after realization hit

y/n no

no no no no no no no

you tried to recall anything that remotely related your other teammates which you remembered that didn’t include tommy

even if it was a few hours ago, you couldn’t pin point something specific

i must just be forgetful, right?

what the hell did rt and plumbella even say that whole call?

you vividly remembered everything with tommy and it was clear to you why

surely not

with putting a hand on your chest above your heart, you confirmed that you couldn’t lie to yourself based on the rapid speed

you liked tommy for a good while but it hadn’t clicked to you until now

eventually you fell asleep due to exhaustion but that’s to say you didn’t do so without imagining spending more time with tommy

ever since that day, time went by in a flash

your team didn’t do the best in mcc but it had been a while since then to have that as a concern

sadly you and tommy didn’t talk as often as you hoped but that didn’t make you have less feelings for him

on some days you felt bad since you thought you didn’t know enough about him to even be allowed to crush on him

it was a bit unprofessional but you were nearly 16, it’s normal to have these little crushes right?

eventually time came to rescue when tommy asked you if you wanted to accompany him in the dream smp

undoubtedly, you said yes

and for the few months during summer, it was where you two became even closer than before

however, once both of you two had to go back and attend school, it was harder to catch up with each other

even on calls together off stream, the occasional snapchat notification going off irked you in a way you couldn’t explain

only winter break was the small pause on your disappointment

but even then, it was a slow but steady hill of repressed sadness and frustration until early spring of the following year

you had hoped 2021 would be better than last year but after scrolling through twitter one day and seeing stans making rumors about how tommy had a crush on one of his classmates gave you the same pain you felt when school started last fall

you dreaded to look over at tommy’s most recent story time stream vod where all the gossip arose from; it was him stumbling over his words with the mention of a girl during a certain part

jealousy wasn’t the right word to describe the way you felt

you would never go out of your way to make tommy reciprocate the feelings you had for him

and if he liked someone else the way you saw him, you wouldn’t mind

having a crush is ecstatic, and if he has someone like that too, you should be happy

right?

you tried

what finally broke you was seeing a tiktok a few weeks later of tommy in college with eryn and another girl talking

you didn’t know how she looked like or anything but you wanted to sob

good for him

she didn’t even say much in the video and you dont know enough about tommy’s personal life to jump to conclusions like this

you knew you were acting irrational and you couldn’t be upset at tommy for something he couldn’t control

if anything, you never directly showed interest in him

you didn’t want to in the first place

it was a bad idea from the start

you looked back at the past year and all your intentions

what kind of sick fanfiction did you think you were living?

becoming a content creator, hoping to blow up, just to talk to a big youtuber you had a crush on?

oh my god

y/n what is wrong with you?

listen to yourself, y/n

you need to get some help

whether tommy was dating or even just had interest someone was none of your business

you had to move on no matter what it was and be good and supportive friend

it was dreadful to get over a stupid crush like this but after so much work you put in, you gave some sympathy for yourself

in a friend perspective, you were happy with whatever tommy did and was satisfied your friendship together, but you hadn’t realized how much you gambled from the beginning

and just for a crush?

you couldn’t comprehend how far you gone because you fancied someone

it wasn’t like anyone could get famous and become a popular content creator either

and now with you being on the dream smp along with a successful youtube channel at 16? you were grateful something pushed you enough to work this hard

but you’d never forget the fact everything that lead up to this point was a crush on no other than tommyinnit which first spurred from complete spite

“who’s the one better off now?” your thoughts mocked you from the complete irony

sigh

y/n, you maniac

#idk whether to actually call this platonic but it’s not exactly romance so #tommyinnit x reader #tommyinnit x y/n #tommyinnit x you #tommyinnit fanfic #tommyinnit imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt x y/n #mcyt x you #mcyt fanfic #mcyt imagine

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