#i cant look at some things the same way anymore...sometimes i wonder if it was for the best...i wonder what life would be like...

[sk3l3t0n444]

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[consistencynevermether]

Ice cold: Astarion x reader

content: ascended Astarion x gn tav, angst, tav is goin through it in this one yall, i give karlach a more hopeful ending in the background bc i just want her to be happy, karlach and tav besties agenda, sfw, cannon typical violence

summary: after breaking it off with ascended Astarion, you meet again at a winter ball

word count: 6k (apparently i cant shut up about this man)

a/n: man i gotta write more happy Astarion content fr i keep putting this man in situations.

How many years had it been since you’d seen Astarion? 3? 5? Maybe more? You try to remember what your last moments with him were like before you decided to break things off. It was definitely after he ascended, but was it before you had gotten rid of the tadpole, or after? Honestly, after a while things had started to blur together really. After so many years, only the painful parts remained clear in your memory. How you, with tears in your eyes, had told him you couldn’t do this anymore. And the look of condescending and uncaring as he stared back. It had shattered you into a million pieces to end things with Astarion, but it would have hurt even more if you had stayed. Whoever he had become after he ascended, it wasn’t your astarion, not really.

Why were you reminiscing about your lost love? Well because after all these years apart, he was now standing about 5 feet away from you. Gods above how did you get yourself in this situation?

Let’s start a few years back after Astarion had left to be the new lord of Baldur’s Gate and you had stayed, shattered. Having to pick up the broken pieces of what you once were, having to figure out who you would be without him. You probably should have taken some time alone, now that you think about it. Processed your emotions, talked to a professional, properly mourned what you had lost before continuing on.

Of course, you had done the opposite and instead had decided to travel with Karlach and Wyll to Avernus. Going to hell is probably not the best way to cope with a breakup, but that was the only option anyone could think of to try and save Karlach from the fate of the engine in her chest. And after what had happened to Astarion you just-

You just couldn’t 

You couldn’t lose someone else, if you did, you felt like you would have been shattered past the point of repair. You couldn’t take losing one of your only friends right after losing your love. So you gathered up the broken pieces of yourself and headed straight into the hells. 

You were down there for a few years probably. 

Maybe? 

Honestly, you didn’t remember. Time became sluggish and foggy after Astarion had left because it kept marching forward, away from your time together with him.

Yet in the end, Karlach had gotten her engine fixed and all 3 of you had climbed out of hell. A few more burn marks and scars, but nothing more than that had changed. Physically at least.

You had somehow managed to put your broken pieces back together, but you weren’t the same as before. You didn’t feel complete, more like a jumble of razor-sharp shards being forcefully welded together trying to imitate what you once were. But now you were jagged, and cracked, and tired

Gods, you were tired. The dark circles under your eyes never left, no matter how much you slept. Or tried to sleep that is.

Sometimes in the dead of night, you would replay Astarion's ascendance in your mind over and over again, wondering what you could have done differently then. Or even before. Where had you gone wrong? Was there another outcome that you failed to make happen? Was there another reality where the two of you were happy together? Gods how that thought hurt. 

 Sometimes, you thought about the what-ifs. You imagined what would have happened if he hadn’t chosen to ascend. What both of you could have been. What you so desperately wanted but could never reach. Eventually, you stopped that line of thought at night. It was too crushing to imagine how things could have been different. What you could have done differently. 

After emerging from hell, you had on and off traveled with some of your previous party. 

You and Wyll had headed to Waterdeep once to help Gale with a sea monster problem 

In an amusing team-up, you had helped Halsin and Lazel find an enchanted bracelet they were both searching for, though they both argued on how to act upon most things during that entire adventure, so you had felt almost like it was a babysitting gig the entire trip. 

There was also that time you helped Minsc dispose of some bandits robbing people near Baldur's gate, but you had dealt with that sorry lot fairly quickly and got far away from Baldur's Gate even quicker. You didn’t want to accidentally run into a certain lord. 

And now you had an entirely new quest, in the bitter cold land of Sossal. A few weeks ago, you met back up with Karlach who apparently had been looking for you.

It’s not that you disliked seeing Karlach at all, in fact, you were both very close, which was part of the problem really. Part of why it stung a little to see her. 

She saw you. She saw how much you hurt even after all this time. Your other friends seemed to have assumed that you had gotten better. That over time you had healed and it had gotten easier for you to come to terms with leaving Astarion. But Karlach knew the truth, She saw right through you, and it was mortifying. That every day the hole inside your heart had just got wider. She feared it would swallow you up one day, and you didn’t blame her. It didn’t help that being around her just made you feel so

Pathetic. 

She had been to literal Hell and back and could still smile and laugh, while you had only lost one person and had cracked and splintered like glass. It hurt to see the light that shined off her while you could only fall deeper into darkness. 

Of course, you knew none of that was her fault, you only had yourself to blame for who you were, so when she came asking for help, you didn’t hesitate to say yes. 

She was having engine troubles again. It wasn’t as bad as before, thank the gods, but it did have a tendency to overheat ever so slightly whenever she felt a strong emotion, and if you didn’t do something one wrong spook could set her ablaze. Luckily she had gone to Gale first and discovered a gem Called the frostbite tear. He could attune the gem to Karlach and make it so that every time her engine began to overheat, the jewel would immediately cool it down, negating the problem before it became a real issue like when you had first met her. Last anyone had heard of the gem it was with some noble in Sossal. 

So here you were. You, Karlach, Shadowheart, and Gale all together at the midwinters ball held here in the capital. Gale had procured the invites for you all, and every noble in Sossal, plus some from other territories, would be here for this celebration. Gale had even been nice enough to give you a beautiful outfit for the ball, made of silvery-white sparking silk. It reminded you of fresh snowfall on a winter's night. Admittedly it wasn’t very practical, and Gale did make you shower before putting it on. (Rude. You didn’t think you smelled t h a t bad.)

You were so focused on helping find this noble (and robbing him of the frostbite tear) that you hadn’t even considered Astarion might be here. 

Not up until the moment that his vibrant red eyes locked onto yours across the room. 

You couldn’t move. Everything was moving too fast and also in slow motion. Your legs felt like lead and your mouth was bone dry. The numbness that had settled in your chest for years now cracked open with new pain, and you weren’t sure which of the sensations you hated more. 

All all this panic and emotions, and yet in your mind all you could think of was how he looked just the same as the day you left. He hadn’t changed. And that made it all the harder. Because now it was easier to forget all the years between you two. He still looked the same as what you saw when you closed your eyes each night. It was Astarion. But on closer examination, not your Astarion. 

There was a coldness to him now. A certain reservation in his smile that made you feel like you would be a mere annoyance to him if you dared to approach. He seemed sharper somehow as well, like a finely honed blade. And his attire was extravagantly beautiful, the white fur-lined cloak he was wearing was probably more expensive than anything you had ever owned, including your current attire. 

You were so busy taking this all in mentally that when you went to glance at him again he was gone. For a split second, you genuinely wondered if you had finally snapped and just hallucinated all of that when an all too familiar hand took yours. 

You hadn't looked away for more than a second and astarion was right there in front of you, kissing your knuckles. The brush of his lips on your skin was nearly enough to bring you to your knees. All these years, and he still had so much power over you with one little motion.

To any outsider, this looked like quite the cute interaction really. The handsome new lord of Baldur's gate spots an incomparable beauty from across the room and is instantly smitten, so he effortlessly woes them the second he steps into the ballroom. But life is no romantic play. 

“Hello darling, it certainly has been a while. We simply must catch up” 

Before you could even attempt to respond, his hands were around your waist, guiding you to the dancefloor as the orchestra began to play, and other couples began to join the dancefloor as well. 

You’d hoped maybe the dance would save you from the conversation, but it seemed the opposite was what occurred, as Astarion leaned closer to your ear to whisper, “So, 7 years without a trace, and suddenly you show up looking positively exquisite. Do tell me what you’ve been up to.” 

Your mouth opens to respond, but you realize you have no idea what to say. What could you possibly say to him, and why would you even say it? 

Luckily you were spared any more torture when you noticed Astarion staring intently at your neck. The sight reminded you of that night you found out he was a vampire spawn, and you had let him drink from you for the first time. But instead of hunger Astarions brown was furrowed with another emotion. Annoyance? Concern? Worry? You couldn’t tell anymore. It had been years since you could tell what Astarion was thinking

His voice broke the silence once again. 

“Is this new?” His long pale fingers brushed across the burn scar near your collarbone.

Ah. So that’s what he was staring at. 

“Well it’s been there a few years, so I wouldn’t really consider it new but-“ you shrug at the end of your sentence, and you both know what you meant. It was only new to him. He may have stayed unchanged all these years, but you certainly hadn’t. And it seemed Astarion was beginning to notice. 

His eyes raked over you, taking in the changes. You were a bit more muscular now, all that constant fighting no doubt. Your new(er) scars were more visible in this outfit, which admittedly was a little revealing and definitely not meant to withstand the harsh outside winter. And the years now showed in the tired look in your eyes. You imagine that your eyes aged you quite a bit honestly, maybe you should be shocked he even recognized you now. 

“So”, he started, decidedly keeping his hand firmly around your waist so you couldn’t run from the conversation, “when you made my undead heart beat again only to toss it on the ground at my feet again like it was nothing all those years ago, I always imagined how nice it would feel to see you struggle while I thrived as lord of Baldur's Gate.” 

Wow. Impressively bad flirting. Had he gotten worse at this over the years? Or maybe he just detested you so much he didn’t even think there was a point in even pretending to like you anymore. 

“But now that I’m actually here and you look-“

He gestured at you vaguely 

“Well a bit like you’d been the one who got dumped, it doesn’t feel very satisfying.” 

“Mhm,” you responded, in a stroke of pure poetry. 

“Darling, you have to give me more than that. The silent treatment after all this time is just petty, even for me.”

He had a point. And part of you did want to know-

“How have you been, Astarion?” 

His steps faltered a little when you said his name, but he quickly recovered, smoothly continuing the dance 

He smirked, his fangs visible on one side “Well certainly better than you if I had to wager, the stuff under my eyes is eyeliner, not sleep deprivation side effects.”

You close the distance between you two involuntarily to get a closer look at his face. He was wearing some sort of golden liquid as eyeliner on his bottom lids. It was subtle but beautiful, and it shined when the light hit his face just right. On instinct, you began to reach towards his face, but you quickly stopped yourself. You needed to stay focused, damnit. You were here to help Karlach.

Astarion's smooth voice cut in once again. “Still making me do all the talking? Honestly, I don’t ever remember you being this quiet before.” 

You startled and realized you had been staring at his face for a while, and then trying to snap yourself out of it, all while not making a sound

Gods you don’t remember it being this hard to talk to him. But then again, you found it harder to talk to anyone these days. you just-

You just didn’t expect that to also apply to Astarion. Further proof that despite him looking the same, there was distance now. A silent gaping chasm that you had no way to cross. But that is what you wanted, wasn't it? To get away from this Astarion. The one who considered you a pet, or an object to be displayed. Treasured, and loved, but never his equal. Never fully having free will, everything you would have done would have had to be something he approved of. 

You loved him, more than anything. You still did. Deep down you knew you would die for this twisted version of your love, and if he asked you to rip out your own heart and serve it to him, you would. But you couldn’t be with him. Everything else you would do for him, but that was where you drew the line. It hurt too much, to be reminded every day of what you had lost. Of what you have failed to protect. That sweet high elf with a silver tongue and a heart of gold he let so few see. The one who wished for freedom more than anything, but still stuck by your side. Because at some point, he wanted to be free with you. And that was not this Astarion. 

Despite all that, just for this moment, you wanted to forget it all. To be held in his arms once again. Maybe, if the gods blessed you, see a real smile of his. You just wanted this one moment. Then your greedy heart would be satisfied. You could burn this image of the two of you dancing forever in your mind and have it sustain you. You’d gladly take another trip to the hells if it meant just a moment where you could pretend you were with your astarion. The one that lived on in your memories. Though you didn’t dare hope that he was still in there somewhere, you don’t think your heart could take it. 

You inhale deeply and begin to talk. You tell him about the quests you’ve been on, the adventures you’ve had, what you’ve been up to these past years. Including why you were here, and your quest to help Karlach and find the frostbite tear.

Eventually, you get to the point where you tell him why you're here, and what you're looking for. But as you do you see a scowl twist on his face. 

“Astarion?” You question, “What’s bothering you?”

He huffs in reply, and you can’t help but smirk. 

“I’m sorry but I do remember someone just talking about how petty the silent treatment is.” You prod, and lock eyes, a sign for him to tell you what’s on his mind

He rolls his eyes at your persistence, but nonetheless, he begins to speak. 

“Hm. Just seems like you and Karlach are so very happy together. A bit of a downgrade if you ask me, but that’s certainly no fault of hers. I mean, once you’ve had me, all you can do is go down from there.” 

“Karlach and I aren’t dating.” You deadpan. 

She was more like a sister to you than anything, and besides you’re pretty sure she already has eyes for someone. 

“Oh?” Astarions eyebrow raises. “So who have you been shagging all these years then? Wyll? Shadowheart? Surely not Gale. Oh please tell me it’s not Gale, I think that might actually hurt my feelings a little if we both shared being to your tastes.” 

“Be nice. Gales is a good friend. FRIEND. They all are. And to answer your prying question, I’m not with anyone. Not since you.” 

It was true. You hadn’t loved anyone since astarion. It just didn’t feel right. Even the idea of a casual fling didn’t feel at all satisfying. And there was no way you would actually consider dating someone again. Not when Astarion still held your heart. 

You could see a few emotions go across Astarion’s face, but you couldn’t recognize them. You remember when you used to be able to know what he was thinking, when he was lying or not. But not anymore. Maybe it was because he was always putting on some act now. 

As you stared, his hand wrapped around your waist and for a breathless moment, he effortlessly lifted you up into the air, gently twirling you around him. then he put you down and smoothly continued the dance as if that was always part of the steps. 

Your face flushed at the amount of contact, and the smirk once again graced Astarion’s lips.

“So, nobody since me? Seems like someone’s not quite over the Lord of Baldur’s Gate.” He singsonged, taking great pleasure in how momentarily flustered you were. “It's ok if you're not over me darling, I can’t blame you.” 

Clearly, he meant this as a joke, one you were supposed to roll your eyes at and ignore. But there was no point in lying, so you just nodded and continued the steps of the dance. 

Astarion stopped dead in his tracks. 

“I-

Wait what? You're still-

Ah- 

You're not over me?” 

“Astarion, the song isn’t over.” You tried to nudge him back into the dance, but his feet were planted firmly, and he wasn’t going to budge. 

“Answer me.” 

You sigh. He wasn’t going to move. So now you were just standing here. In the middle of a ballroom. With everyone else dancing around you. Great. This was super inconspicuous and undercover. 

“I will only continue to talk if you move your damn feet Astarion. Hells I’m supposed to be blending in not standing out.” You hiss and kick at the side of his shoes to indicate for him to get moving.

He recognizes the determination in your eyes and you can see him deciding mentally that he’ll probably get his answer sooner if he does as you ask, so he picks up the dance once again. His grip on your waist is now like iron though, not painful in any way, but there’s absolutely no way you could get out of his grasp now. Not even if you put all your efforts into trying. 

His eyes never left yours, his intense stare practically commanding you to talk.

Which you did say you would do. 

“I still love you.” You shrug. “Never stopped loving you.”

“Then why did you leave?” The hurt in his voice is evident, and you immediately feel like someone hurled a spear of ice directly into your chest. 

You can barely raise your voice above a whisper without it cracking. “You know why. I already told you when I left.” 

“Bullshit. Because you loved the person that I was? He was pathetic. Only a fool would want the lesser version.” His voice was like ice, you could feel the hatred he held for himself.

And you instantly felt your anger flare up at his words.

“Don’t you ever talk about-

About him like that”

It felt weird referring to past Astarion as someone else. But it was true. They were two completely different people now. And honestly, you didn’t care about the semantics, your blood was practically boiling. 

“He was the love of my life. He was everything to me. So don’t you dare insult him.” You spat, practically seeing red

Astarion's face twisted in rage. 

“Maybe you liked me pathetic, hm? Maybe the only way you could possibly love me was if I was beneath you. A precious pet spawn, entirely dependent on you, living in your shadow to protect me from the sun that I now bask in.” He sneered, meeting your rage with his own.

And just like that, you had shattered all over again. 

It was your turn to stop dancing now, unmoving in the sea of swaying nobles. 

Astarion's rage seemed to have flickered out seeing the look on your face.

What did your face look like? Were you shocked? Were you crying? Somewhere in the back of your mind, you could register the feeling of hot tears down your cheeks, but you paid it no heed. 

Instead, you wrapped your arms around Astarion, putting your face in the crook of his neck. 

Astarion completely froze at the sudden contact, not even taking a breath. Although he probably didn’t need to actually breathe anyways so maybe that was normal.

“I’m sorry. If-

-If you truly believe that I ever thought that way about you, then I messed up beyond repair. I'm so sorry.” 

You tried to continue, to apologize for all the times you had failed him. For making him feel like that. But you realized you couldn’t speak. Your body was silently heaving with sobs, tears flowing down your face and ruining Astarion's nice clothing.

Great. You couldn’t even cry without screwing him over. And this was definitely not inconspicuous. 

You lifted your head, making a move to step away, but as you did you saw a blue glint on one of the lapels of some well-dressed lord.

Holy shit.

The frostbite tear. You had found it. And all it took was sobbing on your ex to spot the damn thing. That didn’t make you feel pathetic at all. Though admittedly this was the perfect distraction from this soul-crushing conversation. Maybe with any luck you wouldn’t even have to address that embarrassing display that no doubt disgusted astarion, he was probably hoping you’d get the hell off him already.

So you did just that, jerking back from the hug and keeping your eyes glued on the gem. 

“Astarion look. It’s the frostbite tear. On that lord.”

But you could tell Astarion’s eyes were firmly glued to your face. 

You tried to slip away, to follow the frostbite tears owner and relieve him from its ownership, whether that be by swiping it, lying, or just straight up threatening the guy. But Astarion held you firmly in place. 

“What are you doing?” You whispered, to not startle your target. “He’s right there. Let go.”

“You can’t just drop that on me and leave” he whisper-yelled back 

“I’m not leaving, I’m just grabbing something real quick. Now let go, it’ll take 5 minutes tops.”

“What if you decide you don’t wanna talk again and run off?” He countered 

“Then you can corner me because you're the vampire ascendant.” 

“What if he catches you and you get arrested?”

“Then you can visit me in jail because you're the vampire ascendant.” 

“What if-“

Oh for fucks sake. 

“Whatever happens, I assure you, you will be able to say whatever you want to me after because you are the vampire ascendant. You made that fact very clear to me when we were together. Now let go.” You cut him off, and then try once again to move towards the target. But his grip remained firm 

You look up at him, now filled with annoyance and desperation. The noble could escape if you didn’t do something now, and yet Astarion seemed insistent on trapping you. 

“Just one more dance, alright?” He bargained.

Unbelievable. That was his priority? You knew it had been a while but you never expected him to disregard a former ally so blatantly. Karlach needed this. 

But upon closer inspection, he almost looked… a little guilty? Worried maybe? That didn’t seem right. What on earth?

Just then, Astarion pushed your face into his chest, wrapping his arms around you, almost protective. Protective but restrictive. You couldn’t move away no matter how much you pushed on his chest or tried to slip out of his hold. 

“Astarion. Let. Go.” You hissed.

But your attempts at breaking free immediately stopped when you heard an ear-piercing screech and the sound of heavy footsteps. 

On instinct, you reached for where your weapon would normally be, but you had nothing on you. Shadowheart had a few small weapons concealed on her in case things got messy, considering her attire was a bit more conservative than yours, but she wasn’t anywhere near you now. 

Damnit. On instinct, you tried to twist around in Astarion's grasp to a more protective stance. Of course, you knew he didn’t need your protection at all, it was just a base instinct kicking in. Unfortunately, he didn’t allow you to move out of his grasp, so all you could do was squirm. 

“What is wrong with you??” You practically shouted. If there was danger, then just standing here like this would leave you both wide open. Had he lost all common sense? 

Unless- 

At that exact point, a guard of the lord of Sossal burst through the doors, covered in blood. 

“Vampire spawn are attacking the gates!” She exclaimed, cradling her arm, which was profusely bleeding. 

“I didn’t know you would be here.” He murmurs, almost as if he’s telling this to himself more than you. 

He wasn’t trying to keep you here, you realize. He was protecting you. None of the spawn would dare come near you if they saw Astarion holding you like this. 

But at this moment you didn’t care. For years you had mourned over the loss of your Astarion. You had tried so hard, attempting to separate him from this ascended Astarion. But you had never been truly able to get over him, to accept he was gone. Because deep, deep down, no matter what you told yourself, you still believed he was in there somewhere. Behind all the silks and sharp gazes.

And you felt that hope die as you heard the hissing of the dozens of spawn outside, mingled with the screams and cries of the guards. He was gone. And your heart was shattered all over again. 

But it was different this time. Before, you had pulled yourself together again, deformed and jagged, but still together. You couldn’t do that this time. There was no coming back from this. You could feel it. This pain wouldn’t fade. But there was something else there that wasn’t there before. Anger.

Astarion was protecting you, yes, but Gale, Shadowheart, and Karlach were here too. If the spawn got into the ballroom, they would be in danger. Not to mention this made procuring the frostbite tear infinitely more difficult. 

Rage burned in your eyes, and for the first time, you saw the great vampire ascendant stumble over his words a little, as he tried to explain something about how the lord of Sossal had insulted him, but you weren’t listening. 

While Astarion was struggling to explain himself, you realized he wasn’t paying as much attention to you. Good.

In one swift movement, you slipped out of his grasp and frantically looked around, searching for your friends. It was nearly impossible to hear anything over the screaming and panic of the nobles. It also wasn’t helping that Astarion was probably going to be right on your heels the second he recovered. Or maybe he’d just leave you to be eaten by his spawn. You didn’t really care. 

After continuing to weave your way past frantic nobles and shouting their names, you were able to see a red hand waving you down from the far left balcony. It was Karlach, and she was with Gale and Shadowheart. Good. With all 3 of them together any spawn that came after them would be screwed. But you still had a mission to complete.

You looked up at Shadowheart and held your hand out for a weapon. You were going to track down that damn gem if it killed you. That noble was about to have a very bad day. Well. A worse day. 

You were focusing all your hurt onto this, all your rage. But you needed to. You needed it because you had no idea what else you could do now. You needed something to focus on. Something to distract you from your shattered heart. 

Shadowheart saw your determination and tossed a short sword down to you. Not your preferred weapon of choice, but it would do.

You whipped around, hand around the short sword at the ready, but also because it felt grounding, to be fighting once again. Now it was time to hunt down your prey.

You quickly ran in the direction you’d last seen, glancing over every lapel for that glowing blue light. It was hard, many of the nobles were dressed in a winter theme, so shades of white, silver, and blue were all too common in the sea of panic. 

You continued to push past nobles, searching for that faint blue glow. You refused to let this go, you would not let Karlach down. You fought for too many years in hell getting the engine in her repaired to go all the way back to square one again. 

You feel yourself tunnel vision on finding a blue light, your head whipping back and forth on the hunt, it felt good to let everything else fade away into numbness as your only thought is tracking down this gem.

A glimmer out of the corner of your eye. A flash of blue. The shine of fine silk. There he was. In a crowd of panicked nobles trying to run into other parts of the castle and hide from Astarion's horde gathering outside. Honestly, it was a pretty understandable reaction, you didn't blame him for running at all, but you needed that gem. You hope he survived honestly.

Survived.

Because Astarion planned to turn this place into a bloodbath. Your Astarion. The one who you had sat under the stars with, and he would teach you all the constellations whose names you didn't know, his silky voice lulling you to sleep when insomnia or worry had hit you. 

You'd rather still be in the hells honestly. 

You took a deep breath, centering yourself back to the present. Get the gem. 

You dashed after the noble, drawing your shortsword and charging at the man. If possible, you'd do this quickly.

Ducking under the other guests, you grab this unfortunate noble by the collar, the moment you do he screeches, clearly fearing the worst. Luckily for him, you were only after his gem, not his blood. With one slice you cut the gem off the cloak, shredding the beautiful white fabric. 

Not even bothering to explain yourself to him, you pocket your prize and turn on your heel, heading back in your friend's direction, when all of a sudden you hear the noble you had just stolen from scream again. But this time it was followed by the screams of a few others 

You look back and that’s when you see her. A vampire spawn. Clearly on her way to the ballroom, but judging by her smile, it was clear she had just found some horderves. 

You could have run. You were the only person with a weapon and the farthest away from her. She definitely wouldn’t pick you as her first target, she’d go for one of the defenseless nobles right next to her. You should have met up with the others and gotten the hells out of this place.

But the noble whose lapel you had just torn apart was so young. They were people. Scared people who got unlucky and were about to die because someone had offended the great vampire ascendant. Maybe you wanted to save them. But more likely, you just wanted something to take your anger out on. Or maybe you were just dumb as a rock.

But regardless you turned around and began to sprint towards the spawn instead of away, angling your weapon so that you would have the perfect angle to go for her collarbone. 

Yet as soon as you locked her on as a target, her eyes went wide with..fear? She was a vampire spawn, surely she’d had a few of her victims fight back yes? Was this her first hunt? 

Soon you realized that wasn’t the case at all as you felt a chill run down your spine. Even now with all his power, it wasn’t hard for you to identify the presence now standing menacingly right behind you. The familiar smell of bergamot filled your senses with the closeness. You could feel his chest pressed against your back. You didn’t know what kind of face Astarion was making right now, but whatever it was, it terrified the vampire spawn, her form now shaking and cowering before her master. 

Funny. Even now after everything, you couldn’t find astarion scary. You probably should, considering how he just appeared behind you. But after everything you still couldn’t. 

There was no point in delaying this any further. You turn around, and as you do his eyes immediately move from the spawn back to you. And his gaze softened. Before this whole ordeal that single action probably would have caused you to melt. But now it was different. You had already resigned yourself to being without him. You couldn’t turn back time. You couldn’t save him. All you could do now was try and find a way forward. And you certainly wouldn’t find that staring into his crimson eyes. 

This felt awful. You felt awful. Walking away from him now didn’t feel like closure, it felt like someone had just stopped writing on the page mid-sentence. But you had to stop. Just stop. You couldn’t spend the rest of your life like this, mourning what you lost. Astarion would have an eternity to forget about you, but you only had this one life. And for the first time in a long time, you finally felt like you wanted to move forward with your life. To start living again. You were still mad. And upset. And it still hurt. But you wanted to get better. 

So you turned around, not looking at Astarion, and left. Walked right past him without saying a word. You didn’t know what he would do. Let you leave and forget you ever existed? Grab your arm and try to talk again? Decide he had had enough and just drain you dry? You honestly had no idea anymore. But you knew one thing.

You wouldn’t be the one to look back.

[marymary-diva17]

I will always love you all (Modern au)

Jake x tonowari x reader x neytiri x ronal

Love is something that will last forever and had been built over the years, when it comes to loving someone a person will put their whole heart and effort into it as well. Soon this love will lead to a marriage with the promise of the marriage and relationship lasting forever, and never coming to and end. Then what happens when the said love that once was there, was no longer possessed by the ones involved in this relationship. What become of someone who still holds love for those who don't love them back anymore.

y/n " ........" You had married your childhood friends and taught your marriage will go well with them, as the relationship you had with them was something special. Special enough to finally marry them and soon enough start a family as well, but now it seems like that love was gone. Everything was going well but now it seems like everything was coming cashing down now.

Jake " look we are sorry we had told you like this but we need to tell you"

y/n " divorce or separation" you had looked at your spouse hoping to get some answers from them, but they all looked at each other.

neytiri " divcore"

y/n " so you all ... can you explain this one more time to me please"

tonowari " for some time we have realized the love we once had for you is no longer here, we thought it was just a moment of something but kept on growing we all soon felt it"

y/n " so you all wish to have a divorce from me ... to end our marriage and relationship"

ronal " we will still have an relationship with your but not this one anymore"

y/n " cant we try marriage consultation or separation for a time frame ... it can't end like this"

Jake " we all want to marriage consolation without you we still have love for each other, but we found out we no longer love you"

y/n " so you all been feeling this way for sometime and went to this meeting without sharing it with me or anything"

tonowari " yes we are sorry we didn't want to hurt you or the kids, we just need to get some help"

y/n " so what are we going to tell the children you know they will not take this well"

ronal " we will tell them and deal with everything later on as it comes ... please we cnat make this hard we have to do our best" your had felt your heart break just last week you had gone on date with them, and everything was fine or maybe that was you see everything through rose thinned glasses. It had taken a couple days to tell the kids the news and they didn't take it that well, tuk ran into her room and cried she was followed by her sister. that boys got mad and stormed off to spider house. it felt like everything was coming apart for you and the family.

months later

y/n " I only get visitation and some holidays with my kids"

lawyer " I'm sorry y/n but you are none of the kids birth mothers and it seems, like my clients had this all planned out well"

lawyer 2 " that not fair y/n her raised this kids as her own she stayed home with them, and gave up some career choices"

lawyer " look coming from the kids statement you are a good mother y/n and wonderful person indeed but think about, them you don't have claim over the house and the kids have lives here ... you might have to move which will end up with them switch schools do you wish that for them"

y/n " no ... cant I just talk it out with my spouses please"

lawyer " ex spouse they already signed all the papers but you, this causing troubles at home right"

y/n " yes the kids are become mad fights are happing at home .... matters are no longer the same anymore I miss my old family"

lawyer " look there are some things we have to do and that might be giving up so others can be happy ... you wish for everyone to be happy right"

y/n " yes"

lawyer 2 " I can help you with anything in the future y/n"

y/n " I will sign the papers and make everyone happy ... I just want my kids to be happy again and no longer made and the home to be at peace" you had signed the papers and your were no longer with your exes anymore. it broke your heart to sign the papers and as life will no longer be the same. The whole process had caused trouble for you and your exes, most of your friends were there and they seem to be siding with your exes. You had barely saw the kids as they were always busy with their School life or their family life, and they seem to be keep some distance at the moment. You had lost your job as well making life harder for you, and when you had chance of getting a job you were regret over and over again.

months later

y/n " what I'm going to go nothing going well ... but everyone else is happy" you were staying at an house you brought at the moment you were planning for the kids to come see the place. That never happened and you wish to not cause anymore trouble.

y/n " huh" soon there was a knock at your door it was late at night so you were being careful, at first your thought it was the children to come see you. A smile grows on your face but when you open the door you saw it was some stranger.

??????" are you y/n l/n"

y/n " yes that me"

stranger " hello ma'am I have been order by my boss to offer you job you were a scientist and researcher right before, your marriage and becoming a mom right" it was some man dressed up in fancy suit that was at your door and care behind him, that same very expensive as well.

y/n " yes I was"

stranger " look my boss is looking for a smart mind like you someone who can get the job done and do the best for humility, your lawyer dropped your name she seems to know my boss ... you will get paid well and have a better place to stay a place for your kids to come see you"

y/n " will I be doing good or bad"

stranger " I'm guessing coming here at night is not a good sign" you had laugh at the stranger words making him smile.

y/n " nope but I have heard about what you were talking about, strangely I was told about this form old coworker"

stranger " so you know about us good so what will you say to job yes or no ... it will be good and it seems like you need some positive change in your lives" there was no lying there maybe some chance was good for you, and maybe this will be good for the kids as well. They had been missing you and this will follow the rules made between you and your exes.

y/n " deal"

stranger " good all your stuff will be packed up and sent over, in couple days a private jet will come get you and take you over to you new home ... make sure you tell your lawyer of this as well and anyone else"

y/n "thank you for the offer"

stranger " you welcome and if you most know the comply helps those who been through hard times, and they all have been like you and now it your turn to help others and yourself as well" you had nodded your head your as the stranger walked off into the night. During the next couple days you got everything ready to move, well mostly everything.

y/n " make this quickly y/n just tell them the news and move on" you had soon rang the door bell, waiting for someone to answer.

neytiri " y/n hello it good to see you what are you doing here"

y/n " I came to speak with you all and the kids I'm not here to causing trouble"

ronal " y/n"

y/n " hello"

?????? " mama" you are soon hugged by the kids and you hug them back happy to see them.

tuk " mama are you coming back home and we can be a family again"

y/n " I'm sorry sweetie but we are still a family"

Jake " hey y/n"

tonowari " hello"

y/n " hello look I know this news comes as surprise but I had been given a job offer"

aonung " that wonderful mama now we can come see you more and, you can be helpful again and do all the good you did before"

y/n " yes but I will not be staying here"

kiri " what"

y/n " this job is faraway so I will be moving away"

lo'ak " no mama"

y/n " I know my loves we been through alot this past couples months, but it will all be good now I will have a new job that has given me a new house big enough for you all to come stay for holidays it will be fun"

rotxo " can we come see you"

y/n " after everything is agreed upon and approved and if you dads and moms say yes, then you all can come see me and we will have fun"

tsireya " well mama if this makes you happy then we are happy for you"

y/n" we can still gave our family calls and group chat I want you to text or call me each day, and I will do the same ... so we all make sure we are happy and safe"

neteyam " deal mama"

y/n " that what I love to hear my children I will always love you guys no matter what, make sure you do good in school and have a fun time .... call me when you feel sad and I will be there or just for a talk" the kids had nodded their heads and soon hugged you one last time.

tuk " can I have a puppy or kitten at your home mommy"

y/n " we can talk this out more later all of you get ready for school, I'm not having my kids be tardy when I'm here"

neteyam " yes mama"

y/n " I will send you pictures our the our new home and everything else I see okay"

the kids " okay" the kids soon walked into the house to get ready for School, as you are left alone with your exes looking at them.

y/n " my lawyer will be in contact with you all for any updated information, I hope I can get more time with the kids for longer vacations or anything else"

Jake " sure are you sure about this job it sounds like it far away"

y/n " yes and it think it will be for the best for us all the kids can stay here and be happy with their friends and family here, I will still be there for them ..... we all need some change in our lives"

tonowari " are you sure we can help you get a job here you still have friends here as well"

y/n" no need I'm okay I can stand on my own now and I still talk with them .... I will always love you all and wish you the best and hope you find happiness if anything happens I will call .... take care all of you"

neytiri " y/n we ...." neytiri was cut off when the sound of car honking had gone off getting everyone attention, the kids rush out to see what happing.

y/n " that my ride I can't miss this I will call you all tonight I love you"

kids " love you mama"

tuk " wait mama take this a gift we been making it pictures of us all.. that why we couldn't see you that much we wanted to make you smile again"

y/n " I love them baby I will hang them up on my wall" you hug and kiss your kids goodbye and you walked away from them and got in the car. You waved goodbye to the kids from the car as you drove off the kids, are sad and happy they were going to miss you but happy you were finding happiness now in your life. It seems like your ex seem to having a hard time coming to terms what happened right now. It took the flight a long time to get there but soon enough you were there, and now you are starting your life here. You had sent the kids some photos and they were happy. When you face time them they asked to see everything and got to pick their room as well, everyone was all smile sand happiness, you are happy and couldn't wait to see what will come for you in the future.

[elcpsstuff]

The Summer I Remembered You (C.F) (Part 14)

A/N: Went through a tidal wave of emotions writing this but enjoy 😉 Also poor yn had the shittiest birthday

Synopsis: After affects of the party are worse then anyone thought, Frankie talks to Conrad, and with the rain comes realizations in cousins.

—

“Yn..”

My eyes opened but only slightly because the light made me go crazy. My head began to pound and my vision still wasn’t the best. What had happened? What-

Oh. Oh Fuck.

Thoughts of the party begin to resurface my mind and that’s when I see Laurel waving a hand in my face. I was in my room. I didn’t even have to look around to see, I could smell it.

I sat up on my bed and the pounding only got worse because Laurel just continued to scream some nonsense.

“Are you even listening to me?”

I rub my eyes while Laurel looks at me, waiting for a response. “What.. what’s going on?” Is all I can manage to mutter.

“Oh I’ll tell you what’s going on.” She begins, “Me and Susannah decided to let you kids have fun last night so we left, but that didn’t ever imply you all THROWING a party?!”

I shake my head and stand up, but I’m forced to grab onto my night stand because my head begins to spin again.

“I can’t believe you. What were you thinking?!” The walls are thin and i’m pretty sure everybody can hear us, but it didn’t matter because anger filled my lungs and everything around me.

“Your seriously going to blame this all on me? It was all of our ideas!”

“Yeah, right. It’s your birthday yn! For fucks sake what’s wrong with you! Cant you at least be a little bit responsible?!”

Classic Laurel. Putting blame on the only child that didn’t actually come from her.

“Laurel please—”

“I don’t wanna hear it, your in big shit right now.”

“I can’t believe you? This was on everyone, not just me. God, I already know you hate me and wish I was in the car that night with my parents, but can’t you—”

Smack.

The last thing I saw was Laurels hand coming to my face and a burn coming over my left cheek before I fell. I heard a gasp come from the hallway. I was on the floor now and just realized how pathetic I look. How stupid this all really is.

I slowly got up and to my surprise Laurel looks terrible. That only made me feel worse and ai pushed my way past her, ignoring any calls.

Conrad, Belly, and Jeremiah were all in the hallway and my cheek was flaming red at this point.

“yn—”

“Don’t.” I shake my head at Belly and rush down the stairs, tears streaming my face. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I just wanted to cry. Cry forever.

—

Conrad POV:

I wanted to go after her, but i’m sure that’s the last thing she would want. I felt horrible. For her. She was right, Laurel never gave her the time of day. It’s not her fault things happened.

After a couple of minutes I walked down the stairs to see the house a mess. Steven, Frankie, and Taylor were all cleaning up.

Steven locks eyes with me and sheds a half smile, “Hey man.”

I nod awkwardly, “Hey.”

Frankie and Taylor don’t even acknowledge my existence, which wasn’t really surprising. I picked up a garbage bag and started to work, knowing that’s the best option for right now.

Eventually, I slowly made my way over to Frankie and cleared my throat to get her attention. She didn’t look amused.

“What?” She says.

“Have you uh- talked to yn?” I rub the back of my neck and Frankie shakes her head, picking up a empty vodka bottle and tossing it.

“No, she went to the beach, I think Jeremiah or Belly went after her.” Oh.

“Okay.” I say.

We go back to working silently but I stay close in case she decides to say something else. She does.

“Why couldn’t you let it be?”

I furrow my eyebrows, “What?”

“Don’t act like that Conrad. Why couldn’t you let her forget about you?” She whispers.

I swallow the guilt in my throat because I now know what she’s talking about and sometimes I wonder the same thing, “I- I don’t—”

“I- but no, Conrad. I’ve tried to get yn to forget about you but she can’t, so I thought maybe he cares about her but all i’ve been hearing is what an ass you’ve been all summer long.”

“Fra—”

“Shut up, okay? Either you end things, whatever it is, or you actually commit to her. At least have some dignity.”

She didn’t give me a chance to talk because she walks away. The worse part it is, she’s right.

—

Here I am sat on the beach, my head between my hands with a pounding headache. Was this my endgame? A life alone and eventually I would just drift out to sea?

“Still here?” I turn my head to see Jeremiah sitting down next to me and I look back out at the ocean. Not many things were said, the silence was defeating.

“Barely.” I whisper. I see him nod a little bit and shuffle closer to me, “I’m sorry about earlier.”

There were a lot of things to be sorry about, on all of our parts. We’ve all done stuff we’re not proud of, that’s for sure. How do we even come back from it?

“Laurel was right. I’ve been such a bitch.”

“No, yn, it’s not fair to put that much pressure on someone. We all threw this party.” He brushed my shoulder with his and I know he’s right. Deep down.

“Have you talked to Conrad?”

Jeremiah shakes his head, “No, and I really don’t want to.” I go to open my mouth but eventually decided against it.

“So it’s true, what happened between you two?”

I sigh, rubbing my eyes again. “It’s not something i’m proud of, okay?” I fiddle with my fingers and wait for him to respond. He could at least give me that.

“It doesn’t just affect you two, yn.” My face turns a bright before facing him again, and I can’t tell if he’s being smug or genuine.

I dig my hands through the sand, but not too deep because I don’t want to risk pulling out a crab. It happened when I was 10 and I never wanna feel it again.

“Then who does it affect? Because I feel pretty shitty right now.” The words come out of my mouth like sour milk and I can’t help but feel bad. It’s not really his fault. Any of this. It’s on me and Conrad and I know that.

“All of us, yn. Seriously it does. You might not notice it but you and Conrad have been acting weird all summer and it’s pretty obvious.” He stands up, wiping sand off of his pants.

I follow his actions, “So this is all my fault now?”

“I never meant that, okay? I’m just saying that you and Conrad need to figure your stuff out before it’s too late, you get me?”

I did. So I nodded. It didn’t take him long after that to walk away and I was left in a ocean of my own thoughts, that would one day eat me up. I think that day was coming because as soon as Jeremiah left I kneeled to the ground and a pool of disgust and guilt came out of me.

—

Our punishment was followed later that day. Which was basically house arrest for 3 days. I felt terrible because my whole trip with Frankie was ruined and this wasn’t the experience I wanted for her. I blamed myself for that.

Taylor’s parents were still out of town so she stayed, but later that night me and Frankie made the decision for her to leave.

“I hate we have to cut this short.” I mope.

“I know, but this feels more familial now, you know? I’m still a call away.” I know she’s right and I hate it so instead of words i engulf her in a giant hug. We stay like that for a while until she walks out the door. I felt like crying. Just endlessly crying until I couldn’t anymore.

Just as If things couldn’t get any worse, it started to rain that night. We were still cleaning up the house and the walls from the night before, and the rain made me irritated. I hated rain. It scared me when it poured down too hard but it was just a light drizzle at first.

Everyone was silent but i didn’t mind. Me and Belly didn’t even look at each other but I could see her in my rear view.

Getting ready for bed that night was the worst because we still had 3 long days ahead of us and we couldn’t even swim because of the rain. Thunder and lighting began and I shivered in my bed.

That’s when I felt a ding in my pocket and pulled it out to see a text.

Conrad: are you okay??

Even in times like these he still remembered. I said yes and then put my phone on the nightstand and went to bed.

The next day out it was pouring. We always take it as a bad sign when it rains in cousins because it never happens. But I guess this is the only way we’ll learn.

Taylor and Belly stayed in her room all day and I only went downstairs to eat a couple of times. Jeremiah played video games but after a while I could even see how bored he was. He was always so full of energy but he looked drained.

Sometimes I heard Conrad string a tune on the guitar. Our rooms were close and sometimes I would close my eyes and even fall asleep to the tune. That day I did.

When I woke up it was 8 at night and no one was downstairs. It occurred to me how much of a reck this house was. Susannah shed a smile occasionally but nothing else. Laurel hadn’t even talked to me. Until today.

I found her sitting on the couch with a bottle of wine and when she saw me I went to turn away but her facial expression said otherwise. Like she wanted to talk to me.

So I sat on the couch, a little far from her because I really don’t feel like getting slapped again.

“I’m sorry.” We’re the last words I expected to come out but they did. They were vulnerable and pure words.

“I’m sorry.” I repeat and she shakes her head moving closer to me. “I shouldn’t have slapped you.” For a moment I contemplated saying your right but that would ruin the moment.

“It’s not all your fault, okay? Nothing is.”

“It’s just hard.” I whisper. “All of it.”

“I know.”

And then I was sobbing in Laurel’s arms for a good 10 minutes. The tears from the outdoors had soaked into my eyes. It was refreshing.

That night the rain got worse and Laurel and Susannah had to stay up and call the dads in case of a flood to know what to do. The windows in my room banged and I felt terrified. So terrified that my mind led me to one place.

I knocked on his door so lightly in hopes no one would hear. When he didn’t answer I couldn’t help but peer through the door a little. He was sleeping like an angel so who was I to bother? I go to leave but hear a faint voice:

“Come in.”

I didn’t know if I was dreaming but when I opened the door a little more Conrad was there with a sleepy face. It was only 11:30 but everyone seemed to be sleeping earlier these past few days.

I close the door lightly, “Sorry to bother..” Truthfully I didn’t know if he wanted to see me. I felt like coming here. I always used to during thunder storms.

“Cant sleep?” He read my mind. Fast. I nodded quickly and to my surprise he opens his arms motioning me to get on the bed. That’s when I locked the door so no one would come in and get the wrong idea.

I got in slowly and Conrad didn’t hesitate to pull me closer to him and wrap his arms around me. My head was spinning but in a good way.

I nuzzled my face into his shoulder and I felt him kiss the top of my head. Lighting and thunder struck again but I didn’t feel so scared anymore. Conrad would just hold me tighter. That night on the beach replayed in my head for a while before drifting off to sleep.

The next morning the rain had calmed down for an hour or so, but there was a light drizzle. I knew outside would smell horrible and the pool would need a deep cleaning. To my surprise we didn’t flood.

I was wrapped up in Conrad’s arms. A smile was on his face and when I moved a little he held me even tighter.

“Not yet, please.” I knew what he meant. As soon as I left his room, out those doors everything would be the same. I didn’t want that either. So I nodded and played with his hair while he kissed my jaw.

In all the madness, there was still Conrad. That I knew.

That day me and Belly talked. It was only a few words but it was something. I was getting a popsicle from the fridge when I turned around to see Belly at the counter.

“Want something?” Was all I could muster.

“The milk.” She replies softly.

I nod and hand it to her, closing the fridge.

I didn’t want to leave but I didn’t know if she wanted to talk to me either. Either one was awkward.

“I wonder if the rains ever gonna stop, we can’t even swim.” She says it with a small smile on her face and that’s how I knew we would be okay.

That night Laurel pulled us all into the living room and scolded us for our behavior which was a long time coming. She told us our punishment would be done after today, a day earlier which was nice but considering the rain, we still were locked inside.

Conrad and Jeremiah talked, I think. They weren’t as awkward anymore. Taylor would occasionally try and flirt with Steven too.

Later that night in bed, the rain wasn’t too bad. It made me hopeful, especially when I got a text from Conrad to come in his room. When I closed the door to his room, it wasn’t even a question to jump into his bed.

We were tangled with each other. His arms were around me while stroking my face and I felt much more comfort than I had in a while. We talked a little but it was mostly silent. Until he spoke up.

“I’m sorry about a couple of nights ago, at the beach.” I didn’t know what he was sorry for, saying he loved me, or fighting.

“It’s okay—”

“It’s not, you were right. I should’ve— I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. Not with you.” He mumbles it against my hair which sends tingles throughout my body.

I stayed silent.

“I did mean it though. What I said.”

“What?”

“You know.”

I did know. I love you. Please.

The rest of the night was spent whispering in Conrad’s ear and he even placed a kiss under my ear in my weak spot, making me feel weak. It was a risky game, what we were doing.

“I think the rain might stop.” I mumble.

“Mm, really?”

“Yes, really.”

Soon enough I was fast asleep but I didn’t miss the kiss on my cheek. These days had been a absolute blur, but something did come out of them.

—

A/N: Y’all 😏 Anyone like the little season 2 spin I added on this? Next chapter coming very soon and another series 🤞🏻

tag list: @kkrenae @callsignwidow @drikawinchester @johannelis2302nely @allnrsnz @galaxy13sworld @paytonloiselle @i-think-you-are-gr8 @imaspecialpersonwhoneedshelp @awatt31 @user0440822

[onskepa]

So i've seen this edit about quaritch and spider with that song "oh i love it and hate it at the same time, you and i drinking poison from the same vine" and just image it; reader who has an avatar and neteyam as her mate and she told everybody that her was mom was na'vi and her dad was an avatar. When lo'ak and neteyam went to save spider they see reader in her human form and she thinks neteyam is dissapointed in her. Her avatar dies and she has to live with neteyam in her human form. The reader thinks he hates her or smtg. I thank you very much if you could write my ideea or just react <3

Hello sweetie! Thanks for requesting this. I hope you don't mind if I switched things around a bit. also I tried my best to add some angst, Idk if I did a good job, however! Hope you all enjoy!

pt2

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Law'si

Trust, honesty, and loyalty. Those are the three main keys in a relationship, be is family, lover, friendship, kinship, it doesn't matter. Those three play a key role. The three main core. Everything.

Law'si is a kind girl, who would give anything for those she loves dearly. Especially her mate neteyam. She wonders sometimes what did she do for Eywa to unite her with neteyam. The love of her life, her sweet and kind mate. He is all and more.

Which is why at times, the guilt burns her, it is like having acid climb up your throat and cant keep it down. The lies she has told all to not just her mate, but to everyone.

She isn't a half-bred like neteyam and his siblings. Law'si is a avatar, a dream walker. She never united her soul with her na'vi body. Telling everyone that her mother was na'vi and her father was a avatar. Much like jake and neytiri. That way no one would question her much less her background.

For a long time it worked, no one suspected anything. It was fine, no signs of suspicions, no lies detected, her life was fine. Everything is fine.

Until it wasn't anymore.

the RDA came back, stronger and more cruel. Weapons of mass destruction to attack and kill the peaceful tulkun. And to make matters worse, the very demon who destroyed many na'vi lives has come back in a na'vi body himself. A true demon in the flesh.

Of only that demon didnt come back, none of this mess would have happened...

"please!! we have to get spider!" lo'ak begged neteyam and law'si to help him rescue spider. Law'si had a bad feeling, she knew something wasnt going to end up right.

Oh how she hated that she was right.

"NO!!" quickly and swiftly she pushed neteyam down to the waters, letting one of the metal bullets pierce her shoulder, letting her fall down into the cold waters.

Neteyam cheers at the success but was cut too short, he sees his mate struggling to keep her head up for air.

"I've been shot....!!" she says weakly. Neteyam began to panic, seeing her blood flow in the water, dying it red. A rush of adrenaline coursed through his body. Quickly getting her to a ilu tsrieya brought with her, quickly mounting on it with tsireya, lo'ak and spider holding tight.

"its going to be ok yawne! you're going to be ok!!" he tries to reassure law'si, but really, he was reassuring more himself. Taking her to the flat rocks, neteyam gently places her down and trying to inspect the wound. Tsireya looked into it as well, in her training, she knew law'si wasn't going to make it.

Neteyam applied pressure to the wound as means to stop the bleeding, but the flow never stopped. His blue hands now covered in her blood. Cold fear runs down his back.

"n-net..." law'si tries to speak. Her breathing short and heavy, trying to keep herself awake. Neytiri and jake arrived to see the horrifying scene before them.

"h-home..!!" she continues to try speaking out, trying to make sense for neteyam. "w-we're going home yawne...!" his voice cracks, trying his bet to be composed but was failing miserably.

Neytiri was crying as well, she did not wish to see her son witness his mates death. No one should ever. Neytiri gently strokes law'si head, whispering reassuring words into her ears.

"we're going home....!! y-you will be fine..!! its going to be ok!!" neteyam says more, stroking her beloveds face. "nete I am...." her pupils dilate, her last breathe leaving her body and her limbs limp.

"law'si? no no no..!! LAW'SI!!" neteyam screams his heart out, shaking furiously. Holding her limp body, his tears flow none stop. Jake tries to pull him away from the body but neteyam kept a firm grip on his mate. Praying to great mother to bring back his love, his life, his everything. No matter his loud he screams, he begs, neteyam isn't going to see his beloved again.

Or so he thought.

A week has past since the great battle. A week since neteyam lost his beloved. A week since her funeral. A week of misery. Everyone tried to help neteyam, ease his mourning. He didn't eat as much, slept as much, never smiled again. His family, his friends, they all tried, really. But there really isn't nothing to help him, poor boy lost his mate. A wound that would take years to heal, if it ever does.

That is, until one day, norm came in his avatar form, and he wasn't alone. He brought someone with him, someone unfamiliar yet familiar.

"neteyam, someone wants to see you. It is really important that you se her.." norm talks to him, face to face. Neteyam wasn't really in the mood to see anyone. Only tracing the beads of his beloved's songchord. The only thing he was able to keep after her burial.

"not now norm" he mutters. Still able to hear him though. Norm nods a bit.

"but at least hear me out-"

"what part of not now don't you understand?!" neteyam lashes out. He is tired, and just wants to be in his own thoughts.

"not now? or not ever?"

Neteyam froze. He knows that voice. That sweet kind voice he missed so much.

Standing at the entrance of his home stood a human girl. If her not wearing a mask didn't surprise him, it was those familiar eyes. Those human eyes held the same love, the same warmth and comfort his mate once had.

"w-who are you...?" neteyam asks in a whisper like tone. The girl smiles nervously as she rubs her hands together.

"law'si"

Neteyam stood up so quick it catches both norm and law'si by surprised. In mere seconds, neteyam was already up and front with law'si. Examining her very carefully, taking in all the details the human has before him. The eyes were the same, her lips, her smile, even the way she is standing!

"it really is you...but how?! I saw you die....!!" tears were gathering at the corner of his eyes, ready to cry once more. Law'si beat him to it. As she began to cry.

"I was scared to tell you! I was never a half-bred like you, I was a dream walker this whole time. I didn't know how to tell you so I lied. I lied and it led you to believe I died. I am so so sorry neteyam. I shouldn't have put you through that!!" she hugs him as tightly as she could while crying her soul out.

Neteyam was processing what was revealed, before gently wrapping his big arms around her. Taking in her scent, she smelled the same as always. Fresh grass and flowery aroma.

"its ok, its ok yawne. It's still you, I am so happy you're alright. Im so happy!!" he cries soon after. Both hugging tightly and never wanting to let go.

The way neteyam sees it, he is eternally grateful to have his mate back with him. May not be the same but it will work. She is still the same lovable girl who stole his heart. And nothing will change that. Be it na'vi or human. Neteyam doesn't care. Law'si is still law'si.

And that is all for this request! I hope you all enjoyed it! until next time! see ya!

Law'si = make clear, clarify

[magmythedevil]

Hi! So I've got a question, what are your opinions and thoughts on the YouTuber, "Vanitymoth" he's kinda a Murder Drones reviewer and has done a couple of content related to the series, I'm interested if you heard of him or see his contact and I wanted to know your thoughts, it looks like he'll also be reviewing EP 6 which is probably gonna be negative because that's just how he is unfortunately.

And that's honestly my main issue with him, now it's fine having opinions and being honest and not sugar coding anything, but it just feels like this dude is negative about almost everything he reviews (somebody even pointed that out in his comments+ community post and said that's just how he rolls) he isn't fun, funny and just not entertaining. And he's also kinda boring to listen to as well, imo and just not very fun to watch, he also made a horrible and trashfire review of Lackadaisy. It also feels like him and others are kinda turning on Murder Drones and are disliking it because of it's story direction...and it makes me wonder sometimes, is MD REALLY a bad show and not as good as we thought, and do fans just have their rose tinted glasses on and are only trying to see the positive side and ignore criticism? Do you believe the show is good, or is it going downhill like others have been saying? I'm still new to the show myself and wanted to know your thoughts on this, it kinda does feel sad people are turning on MD (people still wanna compare it to shows like HB, some have said it's going downhill and turning bad like that show) as I think it's still a unique and watchable show and it honestly deserves it's love and support, it's not perfect..but I still feel saddened it's being hated and torn apart now by some, especially by some toxic fans, fans on reddit and Vanitymoth himself. :(

Honestly that guy probally has a very biased opinion on the show at this point. It never feels like he gets satisfied with anything from the show anymore. (And i really feel like it has something to do with Nuzi )

And all the bad reviews i have been seeing can be resumed to a simple "Its not the same thing that used to be" or "this is not the direction i wanted" tbh

I guess they thought Liam was a edgy guy who only enjoys creepy and meta dark edgy stuff. They din't expect to the guy to be an actual writter lmfao

Am i saying this show is perfect? Ofc not. But all the reviews i have seen so far from the people who dont have any weird bias are saying this episode was one of the most greatest yet, im not a writter but i can totally agree with that, in the same way i agreed with them with how "home" really was one of the weakest/most confusing

I honestly don't think majority of these guys are giving genuine criticism, they just really weren't expecting to the show to go to such an emotinal direction.

If you ever see any blog or post with a person giving GENUINE criticism feel free to send it to me to talk about it! But for now i cant really take those guys seriously, they all sound so petty and childish

Even the comments of his community post are saying "if you dont think this episode was good idk what to tell you" lmfaool

Also, If they really think dead end was a weak episode they are INSANE these people are blind hello?????

[pyrrhiccomedy]

Excuse me, I was wondering if you had any thoughts to share on AI produced content like art or writing? I believe you briefly touched upon it earlier but I cant find the post anymore

oh boy like

which conversation are we even having

there's the conversation about how AI-produced art will make it even much more extremely difficult for actual human artists to earn money from their work, which is bad

there's the conversation about how AI-produced art democratizes the availability of art for other kinds of creators, like hobbyists and writers and independent game designers, which is good

there's the conversation about how the databases for these AIs are populated unethically with art spiritually (if not legally) stolen from the same artists they are putting out of work, which is bad

there's the conversation about the exercise of creating an art AI is itself potentially a creative act, and that creating art with those AIs can also be a creative act, which is not bad, and also interesting

there's the conversation about how AIs, in reproducing the biases inherent in the images that they are trained on, make it very easy to produce highly realistic sexualized images of minors, which is very alarming

there's the conversation about whether or not images depicting harmful acts that did not involve the harm of an actual human being in producing them should actually be considered morally wrong, which isn't even about AI but becomes unavoidable if you dig into this for too long, which is, like, a whole can of worms

there's the legal question of whether or not users of these AIs can be held criminally liable for images they did not request or themselves produce but nonetheless do possess, potentially even without their knowledge, as for example when Lensa produces (unprompted) images of sexualized children when provided perfectly innocent portraits and saves them onto your system's temporary memory, which is a quagmire

there's the question of whether AI might actually be technologically capable of solving the problems of AI itself, becoming intelligent enough to 'edit' its problematic outputs, which requires a degree in some appropriate field to discuss in a meaningful way

there's the 'genie's out of the bottle, so what will the world look like now' argument

there's the 'chinese room' conversation, about whether or not AIs which produce art that is impossible to tell apart from human-made art should be considered 'artists' in their own right

there's the 'what IS art' conversation, which never goes anywhere but people do love having it

there's the conversation about how if a piece of art moves you, is it relevant or not that no human was involved in its creation

there's the conversation about neuroscience that's just interested in whether or not the human imagination is something that can be successfully patterned and replicated at all

there's the consumerist conversation, which posits that if no one misses art made by human artists and they are just as happy with AI-generated art, is that actually a bad thing?

there's the 'is AI-generated art a flash in the pan and will people get tired of it eventually' argument

there's the problem of AI-generated deepfakes becoming so realistic that even expert analysis sometimes fails to detect them, which, like, yikes

like I could go on and on, it's such a complicated topic with so many chewy lil morsels embedded in it it's hard to know where to start.

[fairycosmos]

(I’m sending it again just once in case u didn’t see it before. I won’t send anymore just in case you don’t want to answer 💘)

Do you have any tips for having fun alone out of the house? I’ve been going on walks but because I’ve struggled with agoraphobia in the past I p much always go to the same park instead of trying to find new places close by. I kind of need to know where I’m going so I feel at ease, which maybe kills them whimsy of a walk lol I’ve been thinking of going to watch a movie on my own, which I’ve never done, and maybe visiting public libraries and bookshops I haven’t been to yet. Anyway, only thing I probably wouldn’t do is go out to eat cause I hate eating in public (unless it’s a lil snack, that would be fine), but other than that I’m very open! Thank u angel 💫💗🪸

hi sorry i didn't see this the first time! very proud of ya for getting out there and taking these steps, it's not easy but it's always sooooooo worth it. i cant remember taking a walk/trip i've ever regretted, especially when i'm just hanging on my own. i think the movies, library and bookshops are all wonderful ideas!! you know what i do sometimes, i just look on google maps for things to do in my vicinity and then i plan a short excursion around it, like i super low pressure and low key, i just dip in to check it out. coffee shops, parks, local classes and community centers, museums are a good one, nature trails, shopping centers, you could go and get your hair done, maybe see some local live music. hell even a gym, just to get used to being around people again, and to get out there. i felt so silly when i started doing this at first, like some sort of robot trying to participate in regular human activities, often i still do. and it takes a lot of energy out of me, i can't manage it often tbh. but getting out of my head is so fucking important for my mental health it's insane. moving through the world and seeing that it's much much much muchhh bigger than me and my worries and just being a person and not a pair of eyes sleeping or crying or looking at a screen. it can feel like a lot of pressure, but once you've done it a few times it kinda becomes something to look forward to. and if i'm not in the mood i just tell myself i will stay for 10 minutes and then head home, like i'm always aiming to be super flexible and gentle with myself so i don't get discouraged from trying at all. something else that helps me get out of the house is taking headphones for the walk, and also taking my phone/camera to take pretty pics on my way along. just makes it feel a little easier and more fun because sometimes just leaving the house at all exhausts me. but honestly i have no hang ups on doing things alone and you shouldn't either - time spent with yourself is still time spent with the world etc etc. any effort you make is absolutely going to pay off, sometimes just in a short term way, sometimes in a long term way, and sometimes both! much love, i hope you're able to find a routine that works for you. <3

[changbinsboobs]

interesting so you would say its quite accurate to how they would personally view xyz things? do you then get dreams of them often or not at all? if you get the same info months later then u would know its accurate to what they personally desire or idfk maybe they prefer something else later down the line but i read readings on several groups and theres quite a few similarities among different types of members so leaders seem to be quite possessive maybe tad controlling of their partners, like hongjoong as well for example

I do wonder sometimes bc it is impossible to really know them only from their on screen personality and kpop likes to blur things out that may be considered an imperfection? idk how to describe it but like they cant really be fully themselves so in readings it gives a greater sense of who they are without being too invasive kinda like inside info without doing the stalking that sasaengs do to get such info.

would be so cool to know them personally like u get to see the raw them what they think on xyz subjects not the stuff they cant tell their fans. i bet they have good amounts of gossip about their teammates too. i wonder if their interests in lesser common people stems from the fact kpop is so particular that when theh meet someone entirely different to what kpop is or stands for then it really draws them in to that person or maybe those. i mean with todays technology idols do sometimes have less boundaries or maybe the tendancy to overshare things that dont need to be shared so maybe in readings idols look for people outside of kpop world and maybe thats why they show up in tarot readers dreams so often bc they have particular message or situation going on n they want to show it to someone. sorry for rambling but theyre such interesting ppl.

who in skz do u think would have maybe not a crush on the same person but idk they could have a desire to win the person over from another member if that makes sense?

Hey, so no i don't really dream much about them anymore. But i used to have A LOT of very very interesting dreams with them during a certain period of time. I especially often dream about Lee Know, and i had very interesting dreams with Felix and Hyunjin too. Changbin too but he was kind of a hidden protector and it wasn't really him...ufhfbf i don't know how to explain it but i think I'll make a post someday and love to hear other peoples dreams with them too💗 about your other question with the similarities in readings etc, i did another answer before your where i explain my view a little bit.

And yeah i think tarot is a great way to get closer to the idols - of course consumed and performed in a healthy, respectful way - i believe there might actually be lots of idols that may somehow feel relief through such reading, on an uncounscous level because we shine light on matters they aren't allowed to talk about but would love to express. Like in Chan's case, as i said he seems very eager to "talk" during my readings and is always ready and the first one to spill the tea freely😂 i sometimes can see him giggling and wiggling in excitement, or giving me a spicy side eye or whatever😂

And regarding your question at the end, i still haven't done enough readings on them to be able to just make a speculation, so i layed some cards on it. I don't have a definitive answer but i belive someone was in a relationship and there were 2 members that had their eye on that person. I believe on of the "admirers" was felix. And i have a strong feeling the member with the "girlfriend" was Changbin. Now i put those "" on girlfriend, because it doesnt seem to me that they were necesarily in a relationship, but rather courting? Like they definitely had some give and take at least energetically and in conversations. I cant really tell how far that connection went and if ever really was a relationship but there was def something. And 2 memebrs looked at that person with drool coming out of their mouth😂 felix being one of them, and again i see that weird sleazy energy that freaks me out🥲 its not malicious but its really weird and unnerving, he is very obvious in his liking to that person, but he doesnt take any steps or seem threatening, but his energy is so shameless and direct and penetrating. The other person was more hidden with his liking, but i think changbin still knew. He def knew about felix, and i think he suspected about the other person too. Weirdly enough i dont pick up on him being mad or feeling betrayed or threatened. Quite the oposite actually, i think felt like a boss😂 having "access" or a "chance" with something that others also want. He felt powerful in a way.

*take this with a grain of salt.

[callieponders]

NGL sometimes I look at the crew's tweets about him needing to stop being in anger mode 24/7 and reintegrate into society, and I wonder: are we supposed to expect him to work through that by himself? Do we expect great emotional regulation and self-awareness from an elementary schooler in an abusive household? He absolutely shouldn't be redirecting his anger at the people around him (note: Hazel. she didn't deserve that ire at all and doesn't owe him any patience about it), but I can't help looking at him and thinking that he needs, like. I dunno. A therapist. An adult. Someone or something that's actually guaranteed to help him out a little. The adults present in the show... didn't seem very interested in doing that, despite seeming to know what his actual core issue was? Maddening. Anyway

(disclaimer before anything i say. i just need yall to know this show could be the worst thing ive ever seen and id still hope the best for the crew bc its their job and people need to eat alright. that being said i do enjoy the show, please dont take this as me saying they need to NEVER WORK AGAIN ala nostalgia critic style or something)

that wording is so funny though, reintegrate into society... the boy is a small child not someone coming out of prison

but seriously this is exactly the type of stuff im thinking, i dont really go on twitter much anymore because i dislike it so i wasnt aware of the things the crew said (and dont envy them because oh man this was a divisive finale it seems). i dont expect an episode like "dev goes to therapy" and the wacky adventures of him going to therapy or something, but im really hoping in s2 they have peri held more accountable for majorly screwing up here and trying to do right by dev with another chance given to him.

the frustrating thing is i cant blame people defending the choices because some people are genuinely really bad at voicing their opinion/critique, especially because it feels like a lot of people arent having the balls to actually point out peri, even cosmo and (frankly the worse one of the two bc she was so much harder on dev) wanda are a bigger blame for the situation with dev. of course people are gonna assume people are putting the responsibility on hazel, id also be defensive about that because thats a ridiculous thing to expect, but like nah its clear its not her responsibility. she is also 10 and has a world outside of dev, and dev SHOULD be held accountable for his actions in regards to lashing out at others around him when hes upset. the fact hes given more critique than the adults around him that are meant to guide him and help him is the bigger issue than that alone.

on that same note, hazel should also be held accountable for the same things, like saying devs problems werent that deep and having wanda, a FAIRY GODPARENT, basically agree??? also when she was like "oh friends work things out" i didnt hear no apology for not hearing dev out or at least for leaving him in the dark on if theyre friends or not. and the thing is i dont expect her to do that on her own, because shes 10, but theyre fictional 10 year olds who will have more maturity than most real kids either way, so like... yknow?

additionally its kind of a double standard either way, if you dont expect hazel to act mature, why on gods green earth would you expect DEV to??? and hazel, compared to dev, has people to guide her the right way and people that are patient with her, meanwhile dev doesnt get that, the most hes ever gotten is hazel and THATS NOT HAZELS JOB!!! im not saying the writers are claiming it is, its just that its frustrating that the writing has ended up with her feeling like the only person who really gives a damn yknow

[mspaintbrush]

Baptiste thoughts

always wears his bonnet while sleeping (protect da hair)

Weighted blanket. He just needs something holding him (down)

Not used to a good bed, seems like the guy to sleep on an old thin mattress on the floor in an empty apartment. (No luxury when you are on the run)

Can sleep anywhere under any circumstances.

Kinda horrible in the kitchen (im just getting this vibe from him)

He would take a little too much liberty from the recipes

Dont let him cook unsupervised

Great with spices though. Let him do the seasoning. only that.

Eats almost anything, couldnt afford to be picky for a long time.

Likes music. Hangs with Lucio often.

Especially enjoys Lucio playing the guitar/ukulele (nostalgia-melancholy). (Maybe he teaches him?????????)

I imagine Lucio often asks him for his advice and even if Bap doesnt know the musical terms he can give useful feedback.

Tries very hard to only be cheerful, relaxed and easy-going around everybody, feeling as if everything else isnt good enough.

Constant feeling of impostor syndrome as if he cant believe he is actually part of Overwatch and given this second chance.

So he constantly needs to always be giving his best and only showing his best parts because if its anything below that then he wouldnt be worthy to stay anymore.

Eventually, he WILL crack though.

I imagine maybe after a failed mission where he just made too many "wrong decisions" and he still pretends to be alright on the way back, but some notice he is more quiet than usual. And he disappears to his room earlier.

And I'm sure Lucio would pick up on it or maybe Brig because they are closest with him and have high emotional intelligence. So I just imagine Lucio knocking on Baps door, asking if he can come hang and as he peeks into the room its just Baptiste sitting there in the dark on the floor having a breakdown.

He and Zarya are gym buddies

He isnt as much as an expert as her, but he picked up a thing or two from training with Mauga (who canonically is into lifting and stuff and a fan of Zarya)

She shows him some tricks and gives him advice and in return he spots her

They dont talk much. Bap picks up on Zarya preferring silence very quickly. The gym ends up as a place for him where he can turn off emotions and just focus on his body. (Only if they are alone though)

His love language is quality time

Thats it thats the thought

Chronically flirty

He cant even control it anymore it just comes naturally and sometimes he doesnt notice until the adressed reacts weird

At the same time caught off-guard when people start flirting back (right now I only see Lifeweaver, Mauga, maybe Genji and Cass doing that (and only two of those are in overwatch))

Subconsciously still on the run. If he is really sleep deprived he gets a little paranoid.

Imagine one time afted a sleepless night Baptiste sleeps in and Rheinhardt goes to wake him up. But as Baptiste is woken up by Rhein leaning over and shaking him (patented rhein wake-up tactic) he just sees a giant muscular man and in this semi-conscious state his mind connects to the first and most logical thing: Mauga. So he shoots awake shouting and maybe kicking and crawling away hastily before coming to his senses. Nearby agents look into the room worried about the noise and they just see Bap apologizing profusely to a confused Rhein who wonders if his face is really that scary

[booboodaddysblog]

He found out...

Excerpt from improvised conversations with my friend Roberta @robnovetre as Mr.March's fiancée!

Mr.March: Dearest! Sometimes you make me sad, but I try not to show it. I hope you know what I mean…

Roberta: Ooooh darling, if I make you sad, I'm sorry but I surely have my reasons! You are not always a good boy!

Mr.March: You have your reasons?! What is more important than me? Or who is more important than me? Dearest, I don't like it when you leave the hotel without telling me where you are going?

Roberta: My big love of my life, I only left the hotel once! Nobody is more important than you, and sometimes I can leave the hotel without telling you, I'm not your hostage, MY DEAR!

Mr.March: Dearest, I smelled the familiar scent of men's perfume from you recently and so I began to wonder where you were!

Roberta: No dear I know you're not stupid, but your wrong! Because I accidentally try on a men's perfume at the mall!

Mr.March: Accidentally? How could it have happened? Did you bump into a perfume stand?

Roberta: I was looking for a perfume for YOU and I accidently try it on me, and I have also bought it! You ruined my surprise with your stupid jealousy!

Mr.March: Perfume for the ghost? I am not jealous, although yes, I am jealous! I don't want any surprises. I already have everything, I HAVE YOU!

Roberta: I have never been with a ghost before, it's my first experience! I thought it would be a kind thing to do, ok I won't do other surprises but I need my freedom.. If I want to leave the hotel, I will leave the hotel!

Mr.March: I think I may never let you go!

Roberta: WHAT?! I LOVE YOU BUT YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME!

Mr.March: I can do anything I feel like doing! And I fancy you to be by my side all the time! I ask you not to oppose me!

Roberta: NO! I don't accept it!

Mr.March: I hope you won't behave like that after the wedding! It's sad…

Roberta: Say yes to everything you say is not written in our marriage deal! You have to respect my freedom, I'm alive, I need to go out and live my life!

Mr.March: Dearest we'll change the subject.... How was the outside darling?

Roberta: Mmmh outside is good!

Mr.March: Splendid! It’s fascinating!

Roberta: Yes splendid! But I really don't understand your behavior, my dear. By the way tonight I will go outside….

Mr.March: Your friend has upset me a lot, trying to calm down, please let me. If not, I will leave this room. And where do you want to go?!

Roberta: Let's have a toast, as you desire! I know my friend is a little bit irritating but don't worry, I will talk with her. I’m going to meet with some friends…

Mr.March: Do I know these friends?

Roberta: There is no need to know ALL my friends I don't know all your friends, do I ?!

Mr.March: You don't know and you won't know, because they are all dead already!

Roberta: Ok, I accept your decision, I beg you to make the same, my dear! Can I go to get ready for the night?!

Mr.March: Let it be! Can I watch you get ready to go? Or I may never let you go!

Roberta: Ok, but don't complain about my outfit!!

Mr.March: In that case, what will you wear?

Roberta: Mmm I was thinking maybe a mini dress, I know you like the red one…

Mr.March: Oh Dearest, I was just thinking of blood red! It's my favorite color!

Next day….

Roberta: Yesterday night was the last time you watch me getting ready, my friends really missed me because you don't late me go out!

Mr.March: May it be as you wish…

Roberta: Mmmh I really don't know if I can believe you... Even though I love when you are jealous…

Mr.March: I'm not a child anymore, you can trust me!

Roberta: I hope so!

Mr.March: I'm glad we're getting along!

Roberta: I know! When I don't say anything, you are very glad!

Mr.March: You can remain silent, but in another room I don't like it when you don't say anything!

Roberta: James!

Mr.March: Yes, Dearest?

Roberta: You’re driving me crazy!

-----------------------------------------------------

There will be more!

If you like it let me know by ❤️

Part two

[onlyjaeyun]

The way I’m shaking like a leaf… She cried? Oh my gosh. She really feels not so great about herself right now… Poor baby 🥺 I hope Hoon says something or does something to make it better. An offhand comment. Some amazing aftercare. Something! Oh my gosh I was literally shaking after reading. But knowing Hoon he’ll just go beat the shiz out of somebody over it.

I am very curious to see if he’ll mention it or ignore it or what. Literally I’m just so excited for what happens next.

Like I just know they’re in their head about each other. I saw your beautiful thought about the skating rink and I wondered whether there are moments when they’re together that their bodies and minds remember what it was like to hold each other. They had to trust each other so much to be partners. Know each others unspoken communication and body language and they never forgot. That’s probably why they’re so good together in bed. I just have it in my head that she looks down at him—meeting his gaze when he’s about to taste and her mind flashes back to that same face so much younger and happier. Eyes filled with affection and laughter—all for her—all about her—and it’s so painful and beautiful at the same time that she has to turn away… There’s such a tragic beauty to losing love in childhood. Your heart and innocence is just frozen there in your memories… When I tell you this chapter broke my heart…

Like I know he doesn’t want to care but I would be willing to bet in that moment, when he saw her cry, he had that same kind of flashback, you know? Her tears probably always tore him apart because her smiles were so beautiful. Maybe once upon a time it broke him to see her in pain… and maybe he hates that it still does. Maybe that’s why Jaemin had to suffer. Because he can’t (shouldn’t want to) fix what’s broken in her anymore so he settles for breaking what broke her instead.

It’s all there… you painted this incredible world filled with emotion and it’s all there and I just let myself drift in it sometimes. That’s really the magic of a truly good story with really amazing characterization like yours…

I haven’t had time to write in a long time. I miss it so much, and stories like this make me remember why. I hope you know that you really are that talented.

I really can’t wait for more. I just love this story. It’s a lovely highlight to my day. I look forward to it. When I was writing I would get anons and followers that would write me long paragraphs and daydreams about my characters and my stories and my worlds (especially The Alpha—I used to receive NOVELS about that story) They always made me smile because I knew it meant that they were as invested in the world and characters I created as I was. So I hope me sending you these daydreams doesn’t make you frustrated or uncomfortable. To me, creating a world that is rich enough to daydream in is the highest achievement. And you really have done that. Thank you so much.

STOP you know one thing i LOVE about writers who read? they just send you comments like this so casually like bestie you just wrote the most beautiful and well thought through commentaty on my work and i just wanna say i love and appreciate you so much.

i always see your comments and asks and replies and i cant lie they never fail to make me tear up. maybe its your phenomenal way with words or just the way it feels so kind and genuine but either way i just wanna say that i genuinely and truly appreciate every word you've sent my way 🥺

the fact CH is such a big part of your day is smth i will forever keep close to my heart and honestly i dont even wanna comment on your thoughts bc theyre so beautiful and ive been thinking about them so much yet have not find the right ways to reply. i love and appreciate you so, so so much i hope you know that 🥺💗

[writerracha]

OKAY GONNA START SCREAMING

I think wish you back, like volcano, contains a deeper meaning besides missing a lover. THE ENTIRE SONG IS A EUPHEMISM FOR WANTING YOUR OLD/CHILDHOOD SELF BACK SHSHDJDJEK TELL ME IM WRONG

firstly, the chorus. "you were my story" is his younger self, his past self, which is why it's his story - it's his life. he gathers those memories and looks at the photographs of him when he was younger, and cherishes them because he can't go back. he's reminiscing about the past, the good times that he once had, when he had no worries and was happy.

the first verse is even more obvious: maybe he's going through something, or in the process of growing up, he slowly lost the sense of carefreeness and happiness he once had. and it makes him think back to those times when he still had those feelings. he wonders if he'll lose that memory, too. "put your small hands together" is an even more obvious hint that he was a kid then. "in the days when every moment was beautiful and splendid" is EXACTLY the feeling you have as a child where you're not consumed by worries and anxiety. "you were the main character in the movie called me" JUST CONFIRMS IT. because ONLY HIS PAST SELF CAN BE THE MAIN CHARACTER OF HIS MOVIE AHSJEKKEKE

and he says that even if he travels around the world, fill his mind with other thoughts, he can't outrun it, because this feeling is inside of him. he can't escape it.

he wishes his old self back. he's tired of "sitting in a room all day long and turning off the light". he doesn't feel okay, but he knows that he can't go back to the past. you can't rewind time, and even though maybe his past self made a promise to himself to not be defeated, it falls forfeit when he had to say goodbye to his past self as he grew up.

and even though he knows this, he's still holding out for a chance that one day, he can be as happy and carefree as his past self was again. he looks at the picture of his younger self and himself right now, and he wants to be able to see himself smile so brightly again in the mirror. he doesn't want to feel this way anymore. so he holds out hope, and waits.

IDK IT COULD BE A SONG ABOUT A LOVER THAT GOT AWAY OR STH,, but idk the lyrics are kinda way too ambiguous for me to think that way, especially the parts about the main character of his movie ajsjsnsm

OKAY BUT ALSO IF WISH YOU BACK IS ABOUT HIS PAST SELF CLOSE COULD BE ABOUT HIS FUTURE SELF AHSJJSKWKS OK ILL STOP

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE AND I ADORE YOU FOR THIS. I CANT TELL YOU YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!

I absolutely love this analysis. Because I truly believe Jisung is very good at self exploration and introspection HOW CAN HE NOT BE. This man overthinks everything I'm pretty sure about it and his medium is song writing. SO DEFINITELY!!!!!!!! That makes so much sense I don't even know what to tell you except stand up and CLAP

i think all of his songs have double, triple, multiple meaning, it's the beauty of his story telling, he writes about so many things so you can apply it to what speaks to u. that's also just good narrative skills in my opinion. if your story is too obvious it can be good but for me somethng that is open to interpretation is even better, and ji does that so perfectly he understands that i think. or if he doesn't he's just a genius WHICH IS ALSO TRUE

like definitely a past self. his past self. but also his other selves?? all the people he could have been?? and sometimes you change but you want to get that person back??? "the photo engraved in my heart"... i also love how he's able to portray that when we miss someone (or ourselves) it is triggered by things in our day, it doesn't happen in the same manner. it's about being haunted by something but also "you're on my mind MORE TODAY" like. some days you wake up and you're inhabited by something. and that speaks to it SO MUCH. and THE WAY HE SINGS THAT DESPAIR AND FEELING HIS VOICE SENDS ME EVERY GODDAMN TIME THERE'S SO MUCH IN IT AOISFHASF

i also love that he talks about missing something and that it hurts and that we accept this hurt because missing someone also means we care, we love, we are human. and that's so beautiful. THE HUMANITY IN HIS SONGS

I mean I can imagine how someone like Ji could miss previous days... it must be a tough life sometimes, going back to being "carefree" or being "no one"... I get that. That makes me emotional because it's not that he doesn't like his life now, missing our younger self is not about hating our life now, it's just about nostalgia and that's so ok. ANYWAY WOW I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS FOR SO LONG IMMA STOP NOW but thank you for sharing that. truly. i appreciate it so so much, thank you for trusting me with your thoughts

LOTS OF LOVE

(CLOSE NEXT?????)

[wisteria-lodge]

unBurnt Lion primary + burnt badger secondary (Bird model)

Hi there! I hope you wouldn't mind sorting me! Sorry in advance if this gets long, and obviously you can delete it and all that.

Im not entirely sure about my primary. Ive always been very opinionated about my beliefs and I have dropped people very quickly if they dont agree with things that are important to me, like 2slgbt+ rights or the environment. I also am not really a fan of communities, because I feel like a lot of the time communities will close ranks around bad people in order to keep the peace, and I think thats unfair.

So far, so Lion.

I dont really feel the need to belong anywhere, but I do like having words for what Im feeling,

So far, responsible Lion.

and oftentimes that means Im identified with communities even when I dont want to be.

Hmmm. Interesting. I wonder if there might have been a period of burning in your past. Burnt Lions will sometimes latch onto groups as replacement moralities.

I have been pretty easy to sway with an opinion - especially when I dont understand whats being talked about, and I have bought into some pretty shitty belief systems in the past.

Lion primaries have been known to be *especially* vulnerable to propaganda. Especially if it's something that skips right over logic and goes right for your heartstrings.

I was *so sure* at the time that I was doing the right thing, even though I know now that I wasnt. I wasnt even convinced out of them with logic, either, despite being convinced by "logic" in the first place.

Since you went and put "logic" in air quotes, I feel pretty good about slotting it up into the "propaganda" category. As for the rest... it's hard for a Lion to logic their way out of something. They've got to *feel* their way out.

It was more like this weird feeling that I was being a shitty person and had to stop (im not sure if this helps, but any time i lie i get this twinge in the back of my neck, and sometimes it helps me figure out if im subconciously lying to myself).

So this is so, so Lion that I'm starting to wonder if you've written a Lion ask on purpose and *want* me to tell you Lion. :D

It took a few weeks and I kind of floundered the whole time after I realized I had been in the wrong, but looking back I can point out little things that had been bugging me that I think just built up until I couldnt ignore it anymore. I think from the outside it looked like a did an 180° turn, and it felt like it at the time, but im very bad at listening to myself and had felt Really Bad for quite some time leading up to the moment I chose to leave. I feel like im still working through a lot of that and trying to be better.

You're doing real good. I think that you had a fairly burned primary for a while, and that's what's messed up up.

(I feel a hell of a lot of guilt about ever believing it in the first place though, and it makes me think that if I have a moral compass its probably really defective, because I shouldnt have ever bought in to any of it. I dont think being in a bad place excuses it either, because it was just wrong all the way down.)

You're not psychic, and your moral compass is fine (although it might not feel that way right now.) Lions take in information just like Birds do, and they can take in faulty information just the same. Only, they process it differently, and favor different kinds of input.

But, doing a serious 180 as a Lion is... like you describe. A long time coming. Very emotionally messy. And the actual transition takes a non-zero amount of time as well.

A really big aspect of my life is my spirituality, and Ive definitely been pretty quick to study and practice anything that seems like it might fit (so long as its not a closed practice, obviously!). Nothing has ever really felt right to me, either because the art and music don't match how I feel about it or because I feel like some really shitty things are in the belief system and I cant stand by and let that happen again. Its like, Im waiting for this "click" to happen and nothing Ive participated in has ever given me that feeling. I cant even describe it properly with words, but I know what Im looking for, I just dont know where it is, which is really frustrating.

Hmm. I wonder if any existing spiritual community is ever going fit you 100%, especially since you're a bit of a loner. You're aloud to use the parts that work for you, and idk - make your own art/music that reflects how you feel.

But this section is making me think a little of the sort of Burnt Lion secondary who needs help/support propping up their own felt impulses, and goes out looking for an existing community/ philosophy that matches perfectly. And then will inevitably be disappointed when their *thing* doesn't match them exactly. I'd keep an eye on that impulse. After all, nothing human-made is completely flawless.

For my secondary, im pretty awful at social situations (thanks neuodivergency!)

You started off with some apologies, which started to make me suspect that you might have a burnt secondary... and I'm becoming more convinced.

so I seriously struggle with trying to see how I react in social situations. I definitely script everything because I know that people dont like it if you say the wrong thing or dont follow all of these weird unspoken rules. My scripts are generally more of an outline of what im supposed to say, or like a mental list of rules to remember (people want eye contact, use these words for teachers and these words for friends, that sort of thing).

Yep. Running scripts. Know all about that. The classic neurodivergent Actor Bird secondary.

I find it a lot more relaxing to be with other neurodivergent people, because then I can just chill and don't need the running commentary. I tend to be fiercely independent and I have been told that I dont keep secrets well - Im a bad liar unless its me lying to myself I guess?

That is your primary talking.

- and I know for a fact that im inflexible as all hell and hate suprise changes. I like to know whats happening and why (again, neurodivergency for the win).

That's definitely neurodivergent stuff. Probably autism spectrum (especially combined with running the scripts.)

In terms of more concrete examples for either my primary or my secondary, my special interest is video games so ill just rapid fire some video game stuff. I love games with a grind, because I like seeing my characters get gradually stronger - but I hate minmaxing and I would rather have fun and play my own way then be efficent.

Well this is sounding like some Badger secondary love of consistent effort, versus the Bird secondary 'work smarter not harder.'

I am also willing to cheat the grind a little but only if I think that the original method is dumb.

Badger.

In one game, they wanted you to collect thousands of items in order to upgrade a character, so I just cheated them in because I didnt want to spend hundereds of hours on it. But had it been a slightly more realistic number, i probably would have just done it the normal way (in another game, I was willing to farm for a few hours to get a really nice hat because it was a smaller time commitment and more fun). I really love games that give you a lot of freedom in where you can go and what you can do, and I like finding little secrets that the developers hide around. I tend to be pretty quick to point out fake doors or other things like that, because I love them a lot.

Still Badger.

When I was a kid I really wanted to be a video game tester because I want to just run into walls and jump around levels and stuff.

Hey, maybe you'd like it, but personally I hated being a game tester, because what you've got to do is play stupidly, and badly, and in ways the game was obviously not intended to be played.

I do notice that I tend to play the same character no matter what game I play, and find it hard to really roleplay as anyone that isnt at least kind of like me personality wise. Like obviously theyre pixelated people, but I dont like the idea that Im hiding my opinions from them and telling them what they want to hear.

I suspect this might be more common with Lion primary people.

This is really difficult in games like dragon age, because confronation isnt my strong suit at all. And you cant run away from scripted cutscenes!

mmmm. "Run away" as a default problem solving method sounds pretty burnt secondary to me.

I know I collect information, and I really like learning about the tings Im interested in (video games, religion, mythology, that kinda thing) but if im not interested I just cant work up the drive to do anything with it at all.

This is "preferred task" stuff, and it definitely gets brought into the neurodivergent mix, especially if there are some ADHD-esque tendencies in there.

Its also never come in handy solving a problem. If anything, I feel like when I have problems my first response is to just freeze and then run away

^ burnt secondary.

but if I cant run then I kind of just do whatever I think of first. Theres probably some wheels turning but in the moment a lot of the time im just thinking "aaaaaaaah".

^ burnt secondary.

When I was trying to figure out where I wanted to go to school, everyone in my life was in my head trying to tell me what I should do. I listened to them because I was tired and angry that I didnt have time to think, and ended up being kind of miserable.

That sounds like tired, burnt Lion primary.

I justified to myself in the moment by pretending that I was having fun, but really I spent most of it wishing I had done something else. Now that Im officially graduated, im trying to break into a craeer that I actually want instead of the one I went to school for, and Im proud of myself for trying to be more open about what I want to do and how I want to get there, even if im not entirely sure about the specifics.

Congratulations. Seriously. It sounds like you're doing a *fantastic* job.

Sorry again for the novel, I seriously appreciate you taking the time to read this.

I think you're going to be just fine.

[makahimetenshi]

Fooling around together - Paladin Danse x Sole Survivor Fanfic

This is the 5 part of a series of fics im writing lately, the order will be:

May I use your shower?

Volver a tener algo

Addicted to Chems

This one: Fooling around together

Traumas at the Commonwealth

Being awake

Since im in a rampage writing with this new ship I want to make some announcements

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and coments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive coments of wanting to know what happends next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

  Danse didnt know how much of his life was actually…his life…

There was Haylen and Rhys since all the other members of his squad died under his command…theres also the registers on the brotherhood…but he cant access anymore since he was banished and there also was…

Nate.

But he didn’t have much record, a few months maybe.

Now and on he has Nate to count on him, of course the man wouldn’t only be a register of his existence but…he is a relieave proof of existence…

Maybe Nate can ask about the registers of his ADN on the brotherhood files but…

Danse sighted, he didn’t know how to ask that…

He didn’t know a lot of things. He was so unsure of everything…well Nate also was unsure, more paranoid than anything…

But now he had him, and Nate refused to let him go despite his true identity

-I love you beyond that-the man said to him in an ocation he was having a dark episode, is not like he didn’t care or take it on consideration but…-I love you Danse- love was stronger

A blush appeared on his face, and when it was time to came out his thoughts…

Ok it was 19hs and they were lucky to find an abandoned house with  the walls in almost acceptable state, the rest of the house of course had already been looted and scrapped but…having 4 walls to sleep was a start, at least to avoid the commonwealth animals around…it was getting dark and they needed a place to sleep for tonight, Nate learned the bad way to not  travel at night so when Danse said a few hours ago to start looking for a place to settle…he obey.

It didn’t pass much time since…they confessed, and expend together their first sleep, it wasn’t a big thing tho, just a few blowjobs and handjobs, this days weren’t nice and they didn’t find a nice spot to sleep or bath, at least he can think that’s the reason why they didn’t advance much…there was rush there was definetly rush but…Nate wanted to stop, and he was fine with it, but it makes him wonder what was happening since the vault man was the one who started…and seem more hungry of his body even but he always wanted to stop at some point…

Tonight…he sighted…well it was still an awfull place for that…maybe that was the reason? A special place and ocation? It was weird since they were both pretty adult man and that was…a really childish reason…a hygiene thing? Sure they didn’t bath but sometimes Danse think that Nate was going to devour him and then stops!

Grieve? He was a widower after all…maybe he is dealing with some feelings…

The house they were now setted…was weird…small, one of that classic wood American houses of less than 10m but two floors…beautifull garden and terrain but small house, as he saw in Santuary Hills Nate had one completely different, modern, he will say,  large with a low height but 4 rooms…this was weird because you enter, see the living room with the table and tv for family dinner,  a little kitchen to the side… a door out to the garden…a circular stair to go up and two bedrooms but…where the hell, where the hell where the bathrooms!? This was weird!

Not like he didn’t care about the poor choices an arquitec made building this house 200 years ago but this was weird, and a lot of houses around the commonwealth have the same problems, you see that wooden furniture full of decorations…so this people had money…but not a bathroom!

-Are you done with the checkings? –scream Danse to the upside floor, they went in the house and agree that there was no much time to keep wandering at open field to walk, so better just take this one to sleep and make a fire, but but but always was important to check out, you never know when theres a feral ghoul sleeping under the bed…maybe he was a normal person until a week ago an just transformed while cooking and out of nothing you get a bit on the neck trying to rip you off, so the procedure to find a place to sleep was…

1- Find a place

2-Check open spots on the rooft, find a place to put a bed

3- Look out for people, ghouls, or some animals

4- Loot if theres anything

5- Secure doors and open windows

6-Step out the power armors and park them in front of the door the room you are sleeping

7- ?????

Finding a place with a bathroom was secondary tho, there wasn’t much of that around so better not have hopes about it…

I mean they can poop in a bag and trow the bag away from a window at least, of course that wasn’t the best but is not like there was another option…

-Seems fine…theres a lot of furniture we can use to seal the windows, help me with the power armor- As soon he went up the stairs Nate was waiting for him with a wooden table flip to the side –help me to move, I preffer to not have sunlight than let a pack of flys get inside in the night –the ex-paladin nooded and help the new-paladin to place the table as a woodenboard –theres that drawer, crate,  organizer and bookshelds…none of this windows have glass so…-again, the ex-paladin noded like he was the soldier under the commander officer…but he was now so, better help…

Once the original order of the room has been complete changed in order to protect their asses, practically boarding the entire room booth looked at their work, Nate sighted.

-There are some matress here we can use? Or better unpack the sleepingbags?

-Nono…apparently two adult people lived here, no childen, theres one matress on each room, lets pick them, move them here and trow the beds into the stairs, I don’t thrust the entrance of this house, better have the way blocked.

-And how are you planning to get out the house in the morning? We cant just make our way out with the power armors its difficult to move and punch stuff, better not get stuck.

-Lets jump from the windows, we are not that high from regular ground, but imagine if some raiders have in the night the same idea as us, these roads at not so lonely as you may think, theres a lot of caravans also so better make this place…unusable for any one that isn’t us…after all this house doesn’t have a bathroom what the fuck

Danse giggled, he had his same idea, it was silly because it was an obvious thing to notice but…it melted his heart.

-Let me force the door, put a booksheld in the front, get up and then we are trowing the beds down and let them crash okay? –Nate nooded and Danse went down, as he see around  the little kitchen still have the refrigerator, so with the power armor strength he took out the steel door, use it as a block on the main door of the house, and then, just for security, picked up the entire refrigerator and trow it to the entrance, crealy blocking the way out…

Well there was open windows around the living room…but thing wasn’t to let people know they were setting up for the night so the less scandal they do the better, after all it was just a place to sleep…just 8 hours and out it cant be that difficult…he went up and meet his partner, then both went to the room and pick up the bed each one from one side, moved a bit to the stairs to position and…Danse kicked it down the stairs, obviously the crash against the bars and walls make the furniture break and collapse, making a mess difficult to clean up. Then the process was repited with a second bed, and now there was two broken wood beds in the middle of the stairs, blocking the way to the first floor of the house, if anyone wanted to surprise them it would surely have to explode the entire floor to make them come down.

That was unlicky to happen, possible yes but pretty crazy also…

Behind him, Nate went to pick up another booksheld with the hands of the power armorand kick it where it was the start of the stairs, moving it, still blocking the way, more even, surprising Danse at the harsh sounds of everything crashing and breaking.

The man was paranoid lately.

-Help me with a second one-said the man looking to anoooother booksheld not so far but…

-Don’t you think is enough with this? If we block out the only source of air we left we might intoxicate if a fire starts or something

-I mean its not like the room is hermetic but…you have a point, alright –then, Nate take out his headpiece, letting it rest over his hands –lets go to the room, im all sore from walking in this all day

The ex-paladin laughted, his partner never was a fan of using a  power armor, too much worry he said, it breaks so easy he said, it uses so many materials to repair he said…so winy.

He started wearing all the time after they left the brotherhood behind…well Nate didn’t say he did

Danse sighted  at thinking in that and went into the room, the procedure was as always, close the door, block it with drawer and then park the power armor in front of the furniture that blocked the way…Nate did that, apparently in a hurry to be normal again and not a steel doll, the man still have his fusion core on the hand…

-Want me to have it for a bit? –Danse offer his best help at seeing him so exhausted, but it was useless, since he came back from the institute he always looked this way.

-No, just came off yours so I can hide your fusion core too, park it in front of the matress, back to us like always.

The ex-paladin was actually happy of having this security procedures together, it went all one day that one caraban stole one of Nate power armors…the ones he collected at Santuary Hills…he always left them with the fusion core on until a woman name Carla stole one and refused to get out, the vault man didn’t want to kill her but he went sure to make a few holes on the armor with a  carabin…..

Still, not enough to scare her and have the armor back so…never a fusion core at anyones reach, too risky

He did as he was told, after all Nate was a paladin now and he was a…citizen of the commonwealth…not a paladin anymore…damn he broke his ass for that title…but Nate too, still he didn’t have to obey him for that but it was time to rest anyway, the day was long and difficult as most days wandering in the wastelands…

Danse sighted at coming out the power armor, and then feel the other man hugging his waist, placing his cheek over his arm, the ex-paladin place a hand over the one on his waist and smiled, Nate craved sometimes for the touch, he didn’t like being separated with the armors.

-Do you want to start a fire or better eat some cans?

-Lets eat cans, I need the aluminium and the weight off, the water ones specially…is 1lt of water so…its weight…-the ex-paladin nodded and went to pick up their stuff, getting a can of purified water and some 200 years old pasta they found somewhere…radioactive? Hell yeah, it does matter? Well not exactly now for him as he was a synth…and Nate said something weird of not being affected by rads in the food after leveling up or something he didn’t pay too much attention.

Was he now or maybe always not affected by radiation? Was his human synthetized body affected or not? He was a bio-robot, clearly bio, Nate explained him the process how a synth is created in the institute and they managed to create life…soulless life, bodys without purpose until they put synth components to give them a personality, a memory bank, a processor…his mind wouldn’t be affected never by the radiation but his body…maybe yes…but what was the limitations of a super human robot? Maybe they were designed to not be injured by radiation, after all they were designed super human robots, why not delete all flaws? If they were trying to continue human species like before the war…

Stop.

Don’t keep thinking on it.

His brain repeated, for the third time in the day.

Sometimes he looses on the confusion of now being a synth but all life before being human…his sane mental state some times appeared to take him out the thinking depressive things hole, he was gratefull that still being walking on this difficult new path he was sane and conscious of how things were developing.

And Nate was right there to help him too.

They didn’t have forks or spoons to eat, they mostly put the can in their mouths and pray for the food to decide to come down onto their throats, then clean with a tissue, poor? Yes, the only option they had now? Also yes? Confortable? Well definetly not but…Nate say they were still together like this, that it wasn’t going to be much different for him to be all alone in Post Bravo…

The new paladin sat over the matress and went to open the pasta cans, Danse was so unsure of so many things lately…does he need to eat? He preffered to give Nate the food if he really was a robot but he remember feeling hungry or fainting from starvation before…those were really vivid memories…

-You seem in pain –said Danse sitting next to him, the man looked uncomfortable, the way his back was arched didn’t look right.

-You know im not fond of 24/7 power armor as you, it wasn’t a good idea to travel with one…I don’t wanna leave it behind but I don’t wanna use it either…-it was funny how there wasn’t a real currency and still Nate managed to be miserly about resources –I could hide my face some other way…

-I preffer your safety, is important to use it

-I been picked up and trow to a wall more times than my hand fingers can count without a power armor –said giving Danse one of the cans, the man picked it and moved the cold pasta a bit with his finger to make it loose

-I still preffer you with one on

-Im eating, make a pee and go to sleep, tonight is cold and im tired, we walked a lot

-Want me to take a guard?

-No, lets sleep together, I need your warm –Danse cheeks burned, it wasn’t like a code or anything but lately that phrase ended up with them getting all horny whenever they are sleeping, it was true they sleep more confortable in each other arms but it was also true that most of the situations ended up with them making up.

Alright then, this would be the night maybe?

Danse place the can over his lips and open his mouth, waiting for the pasta to go down to think in something else.

Situation wasn’t perfect, hell yeah it was shitty, they been in this exact same position before so it wasn’t new but there wasn’t any hope of a hot shower for Danse anymore now, there wasn’t a clear future for him, it disappoint Nate so much that the only thing he can offer the man was this…poor living conditions…better this than let him sacrifice for the Brotherhood ideals but still…he save him and force him into a crusade to run around the Commonwealth and avoid his responsabilities…this was the best he can offer right now…

Of course, he can come back to Sanctuary, Codsworth was always waiting for him but…one day he saw a small camp with a perfect view to the vault 111 in the forest with one small symbol drawed very similar to the ones the Railroad uses…that realization make his spine shiver, he would never feel safe at home again, someone is always watching, no matter on which side.

The thought made his body tremble, and as fast Danse noticed this, he put an arm around his shoulders.

Nate thought that Danse did it because it was cold, but the ex-paladin knew that Nate has demons just like him inside his mind, all the time…

There was noise, a lot of dark and ugly noise around them and it was their duty to mutually take care of each other and disperse the noise away from their minds.

He often find the man zooning out, trembling, falling, sighting or wanting to suppress a unexpected cry.

And just like Nate did it with him, he would watch over him too.

Danse finished his can of pasta, trow it to the next wall and then place his head over Nates shoulder, placing a hand over his knee while the man eat.

The man became a mistery after coming back from the institute…well both have flipping life changing experiences after all…like seeing the world burn wasn’t enough for Nate…

After Nate finished eating and drinking for the night, the miserly man pick up the cans and let them next to his things, preparing to go to sleep.

-Do you realize we need to find a station to fix your power armor right? Im not going to carry your trash until we find that –Danse was already laying on the matress, looking at his boyfriend peing against a hole in the wall, goddamit the new paladin find it hilarious to do that silly stuff and Danse didn’t get it, I mean it was practicall since the liquid and the smell wouldn’t stay with them but he did this in everyplace they sleep.

-Im not planning to, when did I ever gave you my trash?

-Im still carrying your fat-man

-Oh no im not hearing this, you are carring it because when I tried to get rid of it you said “nonono you cant go around dropping valuable things like that” like a angry dad, even if theres fat-man all around the corners…

-Well i…

-If it bothers you so much I should scrap it…

-Don’t even think on that

There was a brief silence, then a buckle from Nate, and then one from Danse, both laughted.

Nate tucked his dong after using a tissue, but didn’t actually fix his pants, when he turn around Danse saw him and blushed a bit, yeah, he suspected well…The man slowly made his way to sit next to him in the second matress and hold his cheek, looking directly at his eyes.

-Are you alright? –this was a way Nate had to ask him if it was okay to…advance…if he was unconfortable, too tired, too cold, sick, hurt or emotional he preffered to wait for the next day, but yeah, today he was fine, a bit tired just like him but…as fine you can be in the wastelands…

-Im okay –Danse hands went to the sides of Nates hips, making the man tremble a bit at the touch, but as soon he did that the new paladin lift his leg to sat over his stomach.

The positive thing about being on top of Danse was the view…Danse was actually a bit skinny but in comparision he was huge in size and Nate was so in love with that...both hands went to his cheeks, caressing the tick hairs of his black beard…gosh it was so masculine and handsome…

-I look at you and I cannot think on another thing more than telling you how much I love you…-the ex-paladin laughted a bit, enyoing the sensation of his fingers in his jaw, moving his fingers in circles over his hips

-You sure you are not just lusting?

-I think I have reasons to say that I love you deeply –Nate gave him a playfull smile at it, getting more closer to his face, and then out of nothing Danse hand moved to his crotch, pressing over the pants and the underwear,  surprising Nate but taking a soft moan out.

-I have my reasons too –Nate laughted and his torso went down, laying on top of Danse chest, his mouth looked for his and  he was well received with a deep and warm kiss, moving his head to the side to make them space confortable.

Yeah, this was right, this was definetly the thing he looked all over the day, if they could just disappear and be this close together without having to worry about surviving…

Danse hummed on his mouth and that surprised the other man, apparently he was having a blast with just a kiss, his hands moved to his wast, securing his grip at hugging him tightly, Nate moved his head a bit and the ex-paladin went desesperate to eat his mouth, they were not getting separed for  oxigen until someones head gets red and both separate laughting from the intensity

Nates hands went down, moving all around his chest, pressing firmly with the tip of his fingers all it was avalible to touch, he loved how the man feel so firm and hard anywhere, the thing that really make him have doubts in the first place was how handsome and perfect he was and…he was having it, it was his, after wishing it for so long…

Nate went off the kiss because he was smiling, took some air and then went back to eat the ex paladin mouth in a tongue kiss, hands getting brave to get under his shirt and feel the warm of his skin, not to mention the beautifull sensation of the hair of his torso and arms…

Danse felt hot, really hot, Nate always rushed, had a level of intensity hard to keep, same as fightings, the man jumped directly in the face of danger and in bed he jumped directly to what he most desired…He loved that hands, hands that didn’t despise him for what it was, he could believe that as a synth he had no right to be loved or desired but it wasn’t like that, the other man was so fonded with him that he couldn’t care less about it, having that deep conection really make the ex paladin head fly…yeah…he liked this…he whished for this moments with him…a moan died between  their tongues and he could feel how Nate went more exited from it, the man moved to sit more confortable over his hips and have a better pose, moving his hands to the side of Danse body, firmly grabbing and getting delighted with his abs, again, making the ex paladin moan, it tickle but also feel good.

Danse hands moved down again, placing over Nates pants in his clothed ass gripping with a bit of strenght, the man on top of him shiver at the touch, but as he bite his tongue and rob a moan he didn’t pay much attention to the rest…the feeling of Nates fingers tangling over the hairs on his chest make him snap a bit and pay attention to the sensations over his body, above being hotheaded, he was hard, very hard, his buldge was against Nates leg where he was sitted and take a moment to check over the situation, looking down, confusing the vault man who was enjoing the kiss at being separated like it…

Well look at that…an unconscious reflex made him buckle his hips, making the man on top move a bit, a groan came from the back of his throat at how good it felt, calling Nate attention, who stood up just to look too…Danse hands secure his grip onto his hips and set a peace where he would buckle slowly and soft into him and would move him a bit, trying to be circular but of course it wasn’t perfect, he close his eyes, goddamn it felt good, the rubbing with his crotch and his body was amazing but…

-Danse –Nate called for him, Danse was in a trance that took a few more attempts of him calling his attention before he could snap-Danse! –he sluddenly open his eyes…why wasn’t Nate moving? His hands went down, wasn’t he enjoying it as much as him?

-Are you alright? –said the ex paladin, it was true, the man didn’t make any move but he also wasn’t playing much attention. Nate seemed a bit…conflicted…not confortable…

-Sorry theres something I want to tell you –the ex paladin went up on his elbows, looking at his face, Nate went to cup his cheeks with a hand and place the other over his hot neck, liking how thick it was under his fingers.

This was it, this was the moment where they stopped but he never ask to…talk before…it was good it was good it was an advance…

-Yes?

-Sorry i…-the man sighted for a moment, taking a breath before looking down again- I been thinking a lot this days…and I really try to be open and give it a chance…to like it…-one of his hands grabbed Danse to put it over his crotch, sure he had an erection, he was hot but…all rubbery…not hard hard…it was very different from him, that sadded Danse for a moment but he was willing to hear his concerns…-I do not feel comfortable receiving…this…-he said as he pushed his ass against Danse buldge- doesn’t feel right for me…

Wow…

Danse sighted in surprise…ok he could deal with this is it was nothing…

-Its okay, do not feel bad for it –while this is clearly a turn off because of how much he was enjoing it he can understand the man worries…

-I do, because I want you…but I know I don’t like this…-said again, jumping a bit over the ex paladin erection still on his underwear, he was doing it on purpose- sorry I been trying for days to try to feel confortable with the idea but I cant…

-We can do another stuff…-this hit hard because lately he was thinking what was his real sexual experience…he cant make differences between the memorys implanted by the Institute and the ones he at least lived the last months so…

-You don’t get it –the vault man went down, facing him, lips against each other, talking with his warm breath against his skin while looking directly at his eyes –I want you…

-Oh…-Danse hands moved up, to catch his shoulders and secure him there, it was a nice pose, he liked how his eyes melted over his…

God this was hot, so hot, body was burning in desire right now even if the goddamn conversation was just about not doing it…His head moved to the side and sighted frustrated but then, out of nothing, Nate went to his ear and left a little wet kiss before whispering with his hot breath..

-Don’t worry ill just have to find the best way to fuck you –hearing that last one make the ex paladin slurp saliva hard, frozen…but not frozen…completely still on his place but burning like crazy, a wave of heat danced from his toes to forehead at hearing that. God having pants on now was killing him, he didn’t want to make the other man uncomfortable but…

-I think we are kinda familiar with anal sex at his age…

Silence…

Nate went back and had to use his hand to cup his mouth, snorking hard from the nose, Danse see the little wet drops from his nose as he tried to not burst in tears of laught, seeing him like that make the man also laught silly, it wasn’t actually that funny….but it was enough to trigger the silliness in Nates mind, and that always make Danse laught with him…

A few hands fly all around, playing with each other, laughting loud at the bad joke, Danse hands went to his stomach to pinch and play a bit making tickles and Nate went to defend himself from the little attacks, hugging the big man and moving around the matress.

Joy, this moments with him bring Danse joy…he could feel the man smile against his arm and shoulder and it make him feel his chest full of a very nice sensation.

A few moments later they relaxed a bit, Nate hugged him by the waist and make a hand find a way under his pants, finding so amazing how warm the skin of that zone was…

-I can help you for tonight…

-You don’t want anything? –Nate denied with his head, his fingers went more brave and down at meeting with his pubes, playing with the thick dark hairs at their encounter

-When I say im tired from the day I mean it…and I finally let this off my chest…I been forcing myself to try to like it so this is a relief

A bit disappointing? Yes but they weren’t in a rush or anything, and it could get better, he trusted the other man…habilities…

Danse kissed his forehead.

-You sure? –while he also desired the other man, to touch and kiss and bite and get off all the goddamn clothes off him…it was okay for this night, he admitted this wasn’t the best place and the conditions weren’t favorable –Okay…

Fingers went down down, getting lost between his dark hairs, making Danse shiver at expectation.

Nate moved to be between his legs, locking their eyes together and just make the most sexy smile he had ever seen, Danse feeled like he was going to be eat…and expected it harsh

-Stay with me for the rest of the night okay? I want your warm…-wait didn’t he say before that he needed the warm? the way that words left his mouth make his cock twitch, and the next thing Danse see before being obliged to close his eyes is the other man pulling his pants down to devour him entirely.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14236049/1/Fooling-around-together