#i cant make myself believe this person is gonna wanna help

[eldritchqueerture]

kinda insane how scary this podcast is. jesus christ. what is even going on

[lovelyrotter]

STILL feeling like the only fictive on this site whos really fuckin uncomfortable with other fictives talking about generally-to-really-personal shit and *tagging it with ships* like please. please stop. i want to look at davedirk in peace without some random guy running into the room yelling HEY YOURE LOOKING AT ME ACTUALLY. like bro i get it i am also ''a dave'' but im just a fuckin guy first. person first fictive 3rd tbh

[hecksupremechips]

Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺

[todomemolesta18]

The amazing digital circus! (review)

So... people actually want my opinion and Im like

*sniff* Ok, guys! Im gonna try to do my best to review (?) the pilot ep for Tadc! (Spoiler alert: I enjoyed a lot!)

First of all, the animation. IS. BEAUTIFUL.

So elastic, so expresive, so shiny, is just perfect!

Like, for example, just look at her pupils, how she slightly moves her head, is something little but add a lot of life to the character.

And they are so expresive like you can see their fear and stuff, especially Pomni.

(I love this shot of her haha)

Everything is so full of life and colours, I just love when animators actually take advantage of animation and go crazy with it.

And the designs are really good too! I love them. The best ones are Caine and Kinger.

They are so... crazy. And thats great! Besides, I think the giant eyes on Kinger just makes him look more traumatized, which makes sense, because for what we know, he has been in the circus the longest.

Now the characters themselves. I like them. Just so much personality, and fun. Specially Jax.. he is an unapologetic asshole and I just love that.

Ragatha is nice. Hope to see more of her, but rigth know I dont have a lot to say about her, but she is likeable and kind. She is just what Pomni needs.

Il talk about Pomni, but later, cause I wanna comment some interesting stuff about her.

Gangle is cute and deserves a big hug.

Zooble is... okay too. I dont dislike her and she has some funny momens, but like Ragatha, I need to see more of her to make a more complete opinion. I KNOW is the pilot, but I still need more content. IM NOT CRITICIZING, IS JUST MY OPINION. Actually is good that they dont focus a lot on ALL the characters, because it would be a confusing mess, so, well done there, Glitch and Goose.

Kinger was freaking hilarious. Like when Jax mentions how stable Kinger and Gangle are, Kingle start to shake in a really weird but hilarious way. Or when he screams randomly and says that Gangle startled him.

I like this guy :D

Then we have Caine... oh boy, he is one of the most interesting characters, with Pomni and... Kaufmo.

He acts so happy and cheerful and stuff, and like a presenter. He is actually kinda nice, but is obvious that he is hiding something, like when Pomni asks about the exit and he gets all weird.

NOW. Lets talk about my waifu- about Pomni.

She is so realistic and human and relatable and I love that. And not just because she is so super confused and scared and anxious, but for other scenes.

The moment where Ragatha needs help, and Pomni actually extends her hand and grabs her, only to start glitching. She gest scared, apologizes and runs away. But she feels guilty and comes back to apologizes to Ragatha, who forgives her.

I LOVED THIS SCENE SO MUCH. Pomni became more than just the anxious main character and became a bit more tridimensional.

Another moment I loved related to her. This:

Is a very short scene... but it means so much. How she is just in shock an touches her face, like she just cant believe this is her. This is happening to her. And it adds to the existencial horror of the show.

And the most incredible one and amazed me is when she actually goes in the exit door. Like... she did want to help Ragatha, but this could have been her only chance to escape. Im sure anyone of us, including myself, would have done it.

But then the poor woman is traped in a bucle and starts to get crazy and laugh... I think I would have reacted exactly the same.

Or that last shot of her and her disturbed face.

DAMN, EVERYTHING IS SO GOOD. AND THE MUSIC TOO.

I LOVED THE INTRO. The comedy too! And the outro was so cute!

This show has showed us the potential it has for the horror AND I CANT WAIT.

This are all my personal toughs! What do you guys think?

[rknchan]

HAPPINESS CHARGE PRETTY CURE LOVE POST

i just finished hcpc and i really enjoyed it !!!!!! its not going to be some kind of deep analysis i just gonna be silly about things i like in hcpc

THE CHARACTERS i adore each and every one of them (except for namakeruda i wanna punch him with lovely punching punch)

MEGUMI CHAAAN shes so precious to me !!!! so pure so truly lovely her desire to make everyone happy is so heartwarming megumichan always puts a smile on my face whenever shes on screen ^^

i saw people thinking shes mary sue but i cannot agree :c for me marysue is a character so perfect that theyre unbelievable (!)

and megumi IS believable to me . people like megumi do exist,,,,, and she has more serious flaws than being clumsy and bad at studying;

shes all about helping others but cares about herself little, when shes suffering her pain is hidden behind a smile to the point she can't resist her pain anymore, she worries about being weak and her help is not needed - altruistic people like megumi often experience this feelings too

also she reminds me of my fav person </3 and she motivates me to become a better person myself and believe in love and happiness,,, sorry it sounded cheesy but its true.. thank you megumi ^^

HIME HIME HIME my blorbo !!!!! at the beginning her anxiety and arkwardness, feeling of being not worthy enough to be a precure, escaping from problems felt so relatable :c and it felt so good to see her grow. the moment when she saved iona was so powerful. i wish we saw more of her family when she returned to blue sky

btw i love meguhime as friends and as a pairing theyre so pure so cute they care for each other so much awwww,w,w,,w,w,w, *holds them gently*

YUKOO precious rice bean and the most canonical lesbian of hcpc

i love her rice song its cute and catchy i often chant it ahhahaha

also i like how she always wants to keep peace, to befriend villains and give them love they lacked !!! "why keep fighting if we can eat delicious rice together" SAY THIS LOUDER QUEEN HONEY shes so based for this

i can't say much about iona maybe ??? shes a deep and realistic character and her story with cure tender makes me cry but tbh she put me off in the beginning as it was uncomfortable to watch her being harsh on hime (tho its justified)... but she grew a lot too ,,,,

i expected to dislike seiji but actually he was such a nice character and a loyal friend who actually has chemistry with megumi and role in the plot

QUEEN MIRAGE is my fav villain ever and tbh i can even relate to her

deranged traumatised emowoman ily

the story of her relationship with blue breaks my heart ... the moments when she still wants to be loved by blue but cant resist her anxious thoughts and red's manipulation... HER PURIFICATION SCENE WHEN ALL THE CURES COMFORTED MIRAGE;;;;; HER REUNION WITH BLUE;;;;;;;; sobs

the generals are so fun to watch :) dorks with goofy hats

hosshiwa remains my crush forever..... and oresky and namakeruda are just fuking silly smashing them smashing them

tho their final battle with the cures and their purification was such a deep and impressing scene

i love how brutal and creative was this season with its attacks. lovely punching punch <333 lovely beam <33 princess bullet machine gun <333 let cute girls do some violence

and their innocent form attacks are just beautiful

hcpc is often criticized for its repetitive designs and i sorta agree... but at least they were creative with international cures designs (aloha and bomber girls are my favourite, also im glad to see a cure from my country !!!! cure katyusha <3) and form changes AND FOREVER LOVELY DESIGN JUST SLAYS. SHE LOOKS LIKE A LITERAL ANGEL

also maybe theres a meaning behind the similar designs??? like, all the cures all over the world have similar costumes and it can symbolize they have a lot in common, theyre unite, they are a million-cure team .. while the phantom generals are all different, there's nothing uniting them, there's no team spirit or friendship between them

also the soundtrack is so good and catchy !!!!! i adore the opening and the rice song (and especially honey and hosshiwa's song battle) and the innocent song !!!!

i love the message of hcpc that everyone is worthy to be happy and loved, even if youre in deep despair, disappointed in life, thinking you'll never be loved and thus love is worth nothing - someone is always going to be here for you

but at the same time it points out that love can be a destructive force (red, mirage, dark seiji), that its impossible to be happy all the time, that feeling pain and hate is valid

sorry it turned out so long i hope i could share my love for happiness charge with you ,,,,,

i love you megumi i love you hime i love you yuko i love you iona i love you blue i love you red i love you mirage i love you seiji i love you masukomio i love you phantomu i love you hosshiwa i hate you namakeruda i love you oresky I LOVE YOU HAPPINESS CHARGE

[pray4byron]

CONGRATS ON 300 YOU DESERVE ITT!!!! (And i cant wait to see you grow!)i hope reqs for matchups are still okay!!

If so…. Here are some things about me!!

Honestly i’d like to think im Ambiverted, i’m pretty shy at first, but when I get out of my shell I talk NON-STOP. Im a pretty sensitive person though, so usually people have to watch what they say if they don’t want me to blow a fuse. I also really hate to see other people upset, so i’d do anything to try and make them happy! People usually tell me im also pretty funny, and outgoing after a while. I always love to make my friends happy and laugh, and putting a smile on their face!

Im also Bisexual. (So go for whoever you see fit!)

I currently work as a hairstylist! Still a student, but i do hair on the side. People usually tell me how much they love how I massage them lol.

I actually used to play piano for a couple of years, (i started at 9 and finished at 17.) and i still do voice lessons!

Im apart of a choir, and i always do musicals and plays! (I love being on stage.)

I also do dance pretty much everywhere. It ranges from ballet and lyrical, to hip hop and traditional dancing.

I speak eng, italian and albanian +a little Russian ! (And i love learning more languages <3)

I also really love music, i find it so comforting. I losten to all genres, but so far some of my favorites are rock and classical!!

I hope this was enough for you!!!! And i hope your account grows so much more!! I love your stuff!

hello anon!! i keep getting requests for matchups, so i’m gonna say this here (no hate to the anon who sent this!!), but i’m no longer taking matchups. they closed feburary 18th, and i believe i made an announcement about it (i post too much at this point so if you wanna find it you’ll have to scroll a bit)

i wasn’t gonna reply to you originally, but since you were, oh so sweet abt my work i couldn’t help myself💕

BUT DON’T WORRY, you can still get a matchup!!

my dear friend @si1vya (faith) is doing matchups now so if you want one definitely go check them out!! they deserve so much more love than they already have haha, their the sweetest little thing

i hope this clears this up, and GO SUPPORT FAITH !!!

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

I FUCKING FORGOT THE SONG

"On the day I was born / The sky shattered and wept / You best believe it was something to see, baby / Savior born sinner delivered as flesh" UM HELLO PARTY POISON + MARTYR COMPLEX THEY'RE SO CONVINCED THEY HAVE TO GIVE THEMSELVES UP TO SAVE EVERYTHING THAT THEYRE LIKE THE MESSIAH OR SOMETHING i could go on for years about exreligious party poison

"I come alive, forged in fire / My love will break these chains built from pain / They cant hold me down" I DONT WANNA SPOIL TMWYA BC YOU HAVENT READ IT YET BUT. YOU'LL UNDERSTAND?

"There was a time I let hatred define me / I wrestle those demons and left pride in my wake / Rise and wake up / It's our time to prevail / How could you think I would ever decieve you / I live by the sword and I'll die by my word" I CANT PUT IT INTO WORDS RN BUT DO YOU GET ME

YE SYES YES IUNDERSTAND OH MY GODDDD

that last part is so fucking- waaaghsgsg because there WAS a time when their core personality trait, their response to everything was anger and hatred and mistrust. they get out to the zones and theyre terrified of everything and everyone that comes their way- they dont know who to trust so they put up these walls and now that theyve grown into this well known figure theyve developed this huge fucking ego as a cover for all that. they dont need your fucking help or your opinions or anything from you- theyre goddamn motherfucking party poison!!! they dont ask for help, they dont need help, theyre the one who helps people

"how could you think i would ever deceive you". theyre not a liar. theyre not. they may bury their emotions and twist and bend and recolor them until whatever it is theyre projecting is an unrecognizable shell of what they really feel but they are not a liar. and that combines with their ego, their bones deep assurance that they know theyre always right (because is they cant trust themself then they can trust no one at all), and it especially effects their relationship with kobra (and eventually others they need to protect) because how could you think i would ever deceive you? how could you not listen to me, not trust in me when i tell you that i can handle this, that ill keep you safe, that ill make sure everything is gonna be okay? i love by the sword and ill die by my word, i live soley to protect you and i keep my goddamn promises and i will make sure you are safe. no matter what. they cant hold me down, they cant keep me quiet, they cant stop me from fighting and burning and fucking killing myself in order to keep you safe.

and they push people back, they dont accept help from anyone, they put themself in danger to keep the other out of it because theyre goddamn motherfucking party poison. if they know one thing, its that no ones as capable as them. theyre the best around so they have to fight the battles, have to keep the others- the actually important people- safe. they cant trust anyone else with such a holy responsibility

[nerves-nebula]

was wonderinv who to ask then saw ur poston art school and went . yo!

anyway can i ask hows art school? like . is it worth it?? whats the experience and everything like + do u regret ur decision to go there? (dont feel forced to answer any of these) (for context + incase it wasn’t obvious ive been wanting and thinking of going to one if ever given the chance)

Oh man, where to start. Well first of all some of the main reasons to go to art school are the resources and the connections.

If you wanna get into furniture for example, that’s a lot easier if you have access to a whole workshop with tons of different saws. I’ve learned to use three different book binders as well as done hand binding myself, which is great fun for me but idk how I’ll make money out of that.

The thing is that depending on your major/department, a lot of the stuff you do in art school you could theoretically do on your own as well. So if you think you have enough willpower to make your own schedule and find your own resources then I’d say do that, and work on building your portfolio so you can show it off if you ever get the chance. especially if you don’t really have the money for college (I’m incredibly lucky to have someone help me cuz otherwise I’d be screwed)

If I’m honest, I didn’t really want to go to college at the time of me applying. I was kind of interested in learning how to wrap cars, and I wanted to take a course in that, if you can believe it. but all of my parents kids have to go to college no matter what (as in my mom forced me to apply to college and then sent me off like “I can’t help you pay for college btw good luck!”) so it was inevitable that I was going to go to an art school. which is fine because i've also always kind of wanted to go to a school, i was just stressed about not being able to afford it haha.

THEN there's what kind of art school you're going to. I'm at one of the most prestigious fine arts schools in the USA, because though I got admitted to others, I couldn't afford to go to others. the one I'm at offered the most money, because they could afford to. Idk what I'm gonna do with this degree but im in graphic design rn so I'll probably do something in that field. and it helps that the name of my school is renowned.

but if you, say, want to get into animation you're probably going to NEED to go to an art school. even if you cant get into an animation school specifically, any art school at all is better than none when it comes to animation (I think, idk for sure i'm not interested in animation as a job. my friend is tho so maybe I'll ask him)

now, HOW is art school? WELL. I've heard this isn't uncommon, but the first year was literally actual torture. it was really really bad. it made me more suicidal than I'd been since I was 12 and it ALSO made me start cutting for the first time ever. but I survived it, and the second year was way better! (if still stressful) the first year is for where they try to kill you, and the second year is where they go "haha just kidding ok lets get into what you want to know" at least that's how it is at where I am.

DESPITE the pain, and despite how even now I'm anxious about going back, I don't regret it at all. I really like my classmates and I love my professors. I love a lot of the work I've done and the skills I've learned. I liked living on campus and being so close to all that Art Stuff, even if i was too tired all the time to ever go out to any of the events.

plus on a more personal level, anywhere is better than living with my parents. so even if it was hellish the first year, i'm at least happy that i got things done and i wasn't wasting away at home with my mom.

hope that answers all your questions :)

[mintyeels]

BYF/DNI

Call me Splat or Scissors. I go by xe/god/slime/it. I prefer masculine language.

Alright fuckers, this is my honesty account! Im gonna be keeping this separate from my mains for a good fucking reason because like fuck am I losing all my damn moots and shit for this <3

I am (or we are) a polyfrag multigenic system with npd, bpd aspd, and possible hpd along with several other mental illnesses. I experience psycosis, I have adhd and autism, and I have several controversial special interests. Get used to that if you stay here.

I will not censor my thoughts here. If you wanna be friends then you should know im a two-faced cowardly bitch who loves attention and pushing others away. I do not fucking trust you <3

That being said if I say something bigoted or unjust, lmk. I’m incredibly aware of my potential impact on others, and I pride myself on being helpful, non-harmful, and using progressive language. I am physically disabled.

(That is to say, in non aspd language: pls lmk if I say smth offensive. I genuinely want to learn and become more aware, as its important to me that im not harming others with my language or actions. Call my bullshit out (politely!) and I will be more than willing to accommodate and adjust!)

I am currently in an environment where I cannot safely seek treatment or therapy for my personality disorders & systemhood at the moment, however I am educated on mental health, mental illness, and psychology (self researched). I also plan to pursue a career in social work or psychology.

With that context it should be clear that I DO NOT self-diagnose myself lightly. I am not making light of, purposefully demonizing, or making a bad name for people with these disorders. I am simply being honest about how they affect my life and outlook on this blog.

I have been medically recognized as a system, and don’t give a fuck what you think of my origin or pronouns. Mind your fucking business and shut your fucking mouth.

Self diagnosis is valid. Endogenics are safe and accepted here. Introjects are real (I cant believe I have to say that). I refuse to call source memories/exomemories “psuedomemories,” as it is invalidating imo.

My proper BYF is much longer, but here’s the gist. [late addition, im anti sexual age-regression (CGLG/LB [squick] or CGLG/LB agere [amoral imo]), and pro nonsexual age-regression. sfw regressors are welcome here, though please be aware that this blog is not always child/little-friendly!]

(ID: A black box with neon green text reading, “This blog is Endo-Friendly, MOGAI/LIOM friendly, Kin friendly, Supports ALL pwPDs, Does NOT believe in “narc-abuse,” and is anti-truscum/transmed, anti-terf/radfem/radqueer, and Anti-PEAR/Proshipper/Anti-Anti. Do NOT bring syscourse into my inbox. You will be ignored and blocked.”)

My spins (special interests are):

Hermitcraft

Zombies

Apocalypses

Art

Shifting (scientific interest)

Dsmp (dream sucks.)

Slimecicle

Slimecicle cinematic universe

Ranboo

AstralSpiff

Asmr

Video games

Categories of suicide and/or muder

Witchcraft/paganism

The sorry boys

Half-life/Portal

Systemhood

Mental health

Personality disorders

Creepypasta

Marble hornets

Scp

Indie Horror

The forest

Batim/batdr

Poppy playtime

Resident evil

[zhalar]

I feel like HOT! EMOTIONAL! GARBAGEEEEEEE.

how much stuff must an ""adult"" own to live their life without daily hurdles!!! Why is it always dirty somehow in this apartment!!!! Dishes!!! Laundry!!! Vaccuuming!!!! Im supposed to start school the first of august but im not sure if ive actually even been accepted to the school!!!!! To be totally honest i almost hope i havent been!!! Im so fucking scared!! I dont know how to learn new things and i dont know how to kickstart my brain to function in that way and i dont know where i can find HELP!!!!! I have to go grocery shopping EVERY WEEK. AND MAKE FOOD FOR MYSELF!!!! everythings so fucking overwhelming!!! Im not doing anything!! Im envious of everyone else my age!!!!! I want top surgery!! I want to get on T!!!! IM SO FUCKING SCARED TO EVEN CHANGE MY NAME THO!!!!!!! My fear of throwing up has never been as clearcut and CONSTANT as its been this past year!!!! Its fucking ruining my life i think!!!! SUMMERS GONNA END SOON WHY ARE THERE BACK TO SCHOOL STANDS IN SHOPS ALREADY!!! Im not the person i want to be yet on any level!!!!! Idk how to reach out to people!!!! NOTHING INTERESTS ME OR MOTIVATES ME!! IM NOT PASSIONATE ABOUT ANYTHING. I want to buy a tablet!!!! I dont need a tablet!!!!! I want control over my life!!!! I WANNA MOVE!! I WANNA CREATE!! IM SO TIRED ALL THE TIME!!!!! IM ONLY IN MY TWENTIES!!!!!!! I dont know how to cook good!!!!! I hate whining but i cant keep keeping it all inside my brain im going INSANE! WHY HAVENT I READ ANYTHING IN A MONTH!!!! i hate that i cant put stuff up onto my walls in this apartment!!!! Ive got so many dishes!!!!! My fingers hurt and i dont understand why!!!!! I have to start applying for financial support things once again sooner or later and idk if i have the right for 'commuting allowance' from my summer job!!! I BELIEVE IN THE GOOD OF PEOPLE BUT SOME OF THE SHIT MY COWORKERS AND THE FINNISH GOVERNMENT SAY AND DO AND IMPLY IS MAKING IT REALLL FUCKING DIFFICULT. Any time someone asks me about my feelings and thoughts or prompts me to open up about my plans for the future i start to tear up and its EMBARRASING and PROBABLY NOT NORMAL!!!! WHY can i not start on any (creative) project and stick to it until its finished and or i get GOOD at it!!!!! SHIT SUCKS!!!!!! I hate social media!!! I wish i was something in a nobody type of way!!!!! THANK YOU! SORRY LOL

[xbooklover26x]

Things about me that probably no one will ever care to know

- I love reading cos it lets me escape for a while

- I'm obsessed with the characters and they mean a lot to me cos they're a constant, they're reliable and they cant hurt me

- every night I fall asleep to scenarios i make up in my head cos I dont think I'm ever going to experience the scenarios in real life so scenarios are the best I'm gonna get

- I still love teddies and stuff cos I dont think I get enough hugs in real life, so i go to them for hugs

- I love stray kids sm bcos the way they connect with their fans sm makes me feel loved and appreciated, ik its sad

- I've always been drawn to felix bcos his soul seems so pure and hes such a beautiful person that it gives me hope for people ig

- every night I have to have at least a few hours completely alone in my room or everything can feel a bit too much

- fandoms are my safe place bcos I dont feel judged when I'm in them

- I'm a hellenic polytheist or a hellenic pagan, I havent worked that part out yet

- I feel such a huge connection and pull to the greek deities and I respect them sm

- i dont have to convince myself I believe in them like I had to with the Christian god, i truly do just believe in them

- after I got confirmed I had about a week or so where I tried so hard to be a good Christian

- I stopped following christian beliefs when I realised I didnt understand why such a benevolent god would allow so much hatred and pain on the earth

- only about 5 people know about my religion, I hate it but I'm too scared to tell people bcos I think they'll think its stupid

- I have to have music playing if I'm doing everyday tasks, it helps me focus and enjoy what in doing

- my biggest bookshelf is organised by the first letter of the last name of the author bcos it's easy for me to navigate

- I'm secretly so proud of the way my bookshelves look, I tried pretty hard to make them look nice and they bring me a lot of happiness

- last time I counted, i had 417 books, i was so proud of my collection

- I have a lot of mental health problems, but I ignore them most of the time cos my friends are more important than me

- I create a different personality for basically everyone I meet bcos it's so important to me that people like me

- I've done it so much I'm not sure what my actual personality is

- I discovered I was pansexual after I decided I enjoyed 'I Kissed A Girl' too much and did some Google quizzes during lockdown

- I hadnt heard of pansexuality before but when I looked into it the label felt so right

- I spent my 16th birthday with 2 of the most important people to me, and I loved it

- I'm scared of trying to find a fashion style to wear bcos I'm worried I'm not thin enough to make outfits look good

- I love so passionately and strongly, and I'm scared no one will return that love but I'm also kinda proud of how much I can love ig

- crying gives me a headache and itchy eyes, so when I feel like crying I watch something ik will make me laugh

- after closing night of my first (and last) school show I cried the entire night

- I make myself laugh a lot more than I probably should

- I'll go through periods of not eating fruit then one day randomly eat a banana and remember how much I like them

- I'm bad at saving money but I wanna get better

- I have a strong attachment to the show All Of Us Are Dead bcos the characters feel familiar and real

- and the cast is really pretty

- when I love something I try to force it upon my friends, usually unsuccessfully

- I think nature cam be really pretty but I'm hardly in it cos it makes my hayfever bad

- I'm learning Korean and Greek bcos I think both are such beautiful languages and I like the challenge

- the day I realised I'd matured was when I felt more drawn to characters who would be good for me in a relationship situation, rather than ones who would be kinda toxic or too difficult

- I could talk about the things I love for hours (especially stray kids right now) but I hardly ever get the chance to

- I wrote all of this to see if it would make me feel better about me to be so truthful, and ig it did a bit

[berryunho]

Just binge-read The Answer in a day and let me say that the plot is fucking insane, how the hell do you people come up with something so intense? Lmao, anyways I love reacting to mc's actions and inner monologue like a bff hearing some tea over a videocall "girl no he stabbed you, dont think about him as a normal person, he isnt one, with him its supposed to be throwing hands on sight for sURVIVAL"

And yet I still managed to get gaslit, girlbossed and gatekept by her relationship with san, tell me why I was here reading chapter 29 and thinking "wow he really is bringing up some red flags now after that fight" and then had to stop myself right there because the very first red flag that man had raised was from the very beginning wheRE HE GREETS HER TO THE CULT *BC HE IS PART OF THE MF CULT*

I CANT BELIEVE I FELL FOR IT, WTF

Anyways, can't wait for more, but take your time lol, I am as excited as everyone else but you are doing this for free and with something this good it's honestly such a service, thanks for all the effort <3 hope you're doing well and hope that you keep writing even after or outside of The Answer because you genuinely do such an amazing job building up descriptions and characters, I am very curious about everything we are yet to see, and I did wanna ask, sorry if you have answered this before, but do you already have an ending planned for the story?

- 👁👁

UM ? I LOVE YOU WAIT LET ME PUT THE OTHER MESSAGES UNDER THE READ MORE AND THEN RESPOND LAKDJF;ALKSDFJ

Just wanted to add that not only do I react like a nosy bff in a call with the mc as I read The Answer, but I also judge the absolute hell out of her choices not as in "this is gonna get you killed" but as in "I would 100% be going tinfoil hat in HJ's ass about the other world ages ago for entertainment alone" I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE CMON Mr Cultist wants me to go from city dwelling college student to hillbilly cult wifey in 2 days? HE TAKES AWAY MY PHONE ONLY TO TELL ME HIS BIBLE FANFIC IS BASED OFF THE SHIFTING REALITIES COMMUNITY? THE ONE THAT WAS BIG ON TIKTOK IN 2021? Be fucking for real, I would, on day 1, sit down in front of him and go "already, so whats up with the other you? You two still chat? Also whats up with his version of Hwa? Is he a petty little shit too? Are they in a questionable fwb situationship too? Do you still get prophecies? If so, why are there so many prints of your walmart bible around? Cause that seems like an awful waste when you will inevitably have to print just as many more with the new updates so wtf" He takes away my entertainment when I have the attention span of a 4 year old? Fine, he is gonna have to entertain *me* now to make up for it, bible study time? More like you are now my social media outlet where I'm gonna rant about my crazy theories, my favorite ships and I will overanalyze each and every plot hole in your bible sir, I don't care that its a prophecy, I want consistency from your writing about the other world, I want detailed descriptions, I want to feel like I am there, how do you expect to win New York's best seller with this vague ass paragraph about your little lost boys crew in trenchcoats? I'm gonna annoy him into killing me and realizing I'm not the one, his stalking time all going down the drain. I consider this an absolute win for me.

Okay I'm so sorry for sending another ask when I just sent two humongous ones lol but I did remember one thing I wanted to ask and I hope it doesn't come off wrong bc I mean nothing bad about it at all but back when HJ was all "I'm only gonna do the devils tango with you when you beg me to uwu" and mc thinks "damn, at least my local cult leader got some consent morals going" I couldn't help but stop myself and wonder: girl. He made out with you. In front of at least 40 people. When you were drugged. Clearly tripping. By his orders. And he stabbed you right after but most importantly he has bragged about making out with you IN FRONT OF A CROWD WHEN YOU WERE TRIPPING BY HIS OWN DESIGN And yknow, my question is: was mc's (continuous) lapse in judgment in this moment to blame for her not realizing he in fact does not give a flying fuck about consent and she just let that slide bc the cult mentality was getting to her (which we do see progress over the story, and its been one of the most interesting parts of the fic btw, I think you did really well with that) or did you not mean for it to be that and I read too much into it? Lol because yeah he is a self admitted and apparently diagnosed psycho but you'd think he would see how this morals he just tried to brag and seduce her with are not moralling at all. Or maybe he just hoped she wouldn't realize his delusional-moral compass isn't gonna point correctly no matter what way he tries, I'm definitely thinking too hard about it at this point lmao HE REALLY IS GETTING INTO MY PARANOID BRAIN, THE MIND GAMES ARE CONSUMING ME FR Anyways, again, sorry for the long asks one right after the other, I'll stop pestering now.

I fucking lied, I'm sending another one to ask if you happen to have any fics to recommend that maybe give off The Answer vibes or that you think may be a good read while we are all on standby bc I just got hit by the withdrawals-after-a-good-fic now that I realized I can't keep reading since I got to the last chapter lol. I'm so sorry. - 👁👁

first of all let me say it again: i love you. thank you so much for reading the answer and for being kind and for wanting to tell me and ask me so many things!! i really, really appreciate it and pls dont feel bad for sending me asks (big or small) bc it just makes me SO happy lol i feel bad that you've been waiting for a response for so long but LKJF:KDJF:AKDF I WILL DO MY BEST TO ADDRESS EVERYTHING so here we go:

I did wanna ask, sorry if you have answered this before, but do you already have an ending planned for the story?

hehe no worries at all!! i do have an ending planned and i know how we will get there, but there are certain elements and plot points that aren't solid yet and could be changed!! but i am set on the ending ^^

the entire second ask is just so valid. like tbh i would absolutely be the same. like id be scared af for a few days but once i realized i wasnt gonna like DIE immediately and that i could get away with annoying hj like at least a little bit id be on his ass. honestly and truly the main reason that i havent written more of like... the answer in the story is bc im too concerned that anything i wrote would be torn apart for analysis when i wouldnt actually be reading that far into it LKJA;SKFDJSD bc like you're right anything that hj would be writing would be very pertinent information TO HIM but like... does it actually mean anything... or is it just words... LOL idk if that makes sense but everytime i try to write like in the style of a religious text with the answer lore it sounds so ridiculous i just cannot take myself seriously enough to do it KLAJKS;DFJASKFD BUT HELP YOU POINTING OUT THE SHIFTING LORE? LITERALLY THE EXACT SYSTEM I STOLE THIS LORE FROM I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING WHEN I STARTED WRITING I WAS JUST LIKE idfk whats something weird that i can connect to the ateez lore that i dont remotely understand AND THATS WHAT I CAME UP WITHALKDSFLA;JDSFJLSKDJ you are real

And yknow, my question is: was mc's (continuous) lapse in judgment in this moment to blame for her not realizing he in fact does not give a flying fuck about consent and she just let that slide bc the cult mentality was getting to her (which we do see progress over the story, and its been one of the most interesting parts of the fic btw, I think you did really well with that) or did you not mean for it to be that and I read too much into it?

eheheeheheheheh i really was waiting for someone to point this one out!!! i definitely meant it to be a lapse in her judgement and like a ...... hmmm idk how to put it like she's selectively forgetting things that don't match with what she WANTS to believe !! like personally i would never in my life write a member of ateez to be a rapist so we obvs won't be worrying about that BUT if this were a real situation, that would probably be a very real fear to have and i figured it would be a good thing to address in case anyone was like. worried about that. LKAJSKFDJASDLFK but yes you're right they're obviously not above MURDER so like. how much credit can we give them. its really just mc wanting desperately to alleviate some of her fear and believe that she is at least a tiny bit safe (even though that is CLEARLY not the case)

if you happen to have any fics to recommend that maybe give off The Answer vibes or that you think may be a good read while we are all on standby

heh this one is tough because ... im not really a fanfic reader LAKJDFKLAJSDFK but my beloved mutuals bee (@atzfilm) and caly (@hongism) are geniuses hehe !! bee writes dark fics that are mwah chefs kiss and caly writes mists of celeste which has a toxic unyielding leader hongjoong. so. you know.

SO YEAH ANYWAYS? THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR THESE ASKS AJDKFALSDKFJSKLDJ AND IM SORRY AGAIN THAT IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO REPLY AND THAT THE UPDATE IS ALSO TAKING FOREVER LOL I HOPE YOU'RE STILL AROUND LAKJDFLKSJDF

[spidrstar]

STARS RULES

GENERAL RULES

★彡 Welcome to my rulebook my loves!! <3

★彡 Im still getting the hang of tumblr, just keep that in mind 🥲

★彡 When I say i’m gonna upload a certain day and i don’t sometimes please don’t get upset, it’s a thing i do where i make a schedule and don’t end up following it (it’s really not my fault, shit happens bare with me😔)

REQUEST RULES

★彡 I’m always open to requests!! I tend to run out of ideas quickly, you’ll know when they’re closed when i say so in my ask box :)

★彡 I will write for - miles morales (e!42) and miles morales (e!1610)

WONT WRITE

★彡 ‘character’ x ‘character’ aka ships, to me personally they’re boring and if i think that when i read them i wouldn’t be able to write them ‘reader’ x ‘character’ only sorry!!

★彡 NSFW (i feel so weird and uncomfy when writing shit like.. ‘his cock went in and out of her pussy🤓’ i’m sorry i physically cant ..) NO OFFENSE TO THOSE WHO WRITE LIKE THIS!! i have no issue reading them it’s just when it comes to writing i have.. a problem. The farthest i can go is dick and that’s it. 😭

★彡 ‘male reader’ x ‘character’ Im a female and do not know shit about being a male (obvi..) so won’t be doin any of that sorry!!

★彡 Anything that has to do with rape, abuse, racism or homophobia.

WILL WRITE

★彡 Female reader

★彡 I can try my best to do gender neutral

★彡 I know i said no smut/NSFW, but there will be suggestive content so dw i got y’all😉

DOS

★彡 Give me your honest opinions!! Please give feedback and criticism if you have it, tell me what you think about my work or anything that could help me improve my writing.

★彡 Be patient. I work hard on everything I write and usually i take my time to make sure it comes out great for you guys to read + I have to make sure I, myself, am satisfied with what I wrote; (brainstorming ideas/adding more interesting things/plot twists etc.)

DONTS

★彡 Don’t rush me!! ESPECIALLY if you request something. I’ll get to it when I get to it. If you want high quality work you gotta wait, and if you don’t wanna then get off my page 🤷‍♀️ And again, when I post things like “i’ll have this up by (set date)“ please don’t believe me most of those times.. I usually have things going on I won’t know about until then and will have to pause on my writing so it’ll come out later than usual.

★彡 DOOOO NOTTTT STEALLL MYYY WORKK!!!!!! I literally stay up til like 11 am writing some of these and i put so much effort, and it’s definitely not for people to just go and steal/repost/claim my work. If you ever get inspired, just give credit.

★彡 Send hate, give harsh/mean opinions that are not needed, death threats etc. I will either ignore them or come right back at you with the same energy.❤️

That’s all!! These will change whenever i feel like changing them, because it’s my rulebook ;3 If you cannot follow any of the things listed please DNI. G’Bye!!

[finalmoment]

Oh do you wanna choose violence? (ask game) 1, 2, 6, 7, 8, 16, 19? 9 and 10 can be optional but this is already a lot so

01. honestly? alhaitham. people seem to think he's an asshole or unempathetic and unkind but really he's just very reserved and he has a tendency to be playful in his own way while being unwilling to truly explain himself to others. he's an autistic king and i love him.

02. hmm i'm gonna do this for diluc: i think diluc has a very intense need for control, especially when it comes to his interactions with kaeya. he can and does relax in most settings over time but i also believe that diluc had a nonzero number of unpleasant sexual interactions in his travels and it's made him averse to the loss of sexual control specifically. also, he's a bit of a masochist but he's much more of a sadist, and he finds kaeya's responses to pain enchanting. they're both very tangled by their history, by the fact that kaeya seeks often to punish himself through diluc and diluc has calcified into the role of protector/punisher over time and now needs a lot of handholding to step out of it and their sexual dynamic is in many ways a return to a rawer and more unfiltered state of being.

06. kaebedo fans have irritated me since forever. also chaeya fans. both ships are good by themselves but a lot of their shippers seem more interested in avoiding kaeluc/luckae than whatever they're actually shipping so they're also the annoying "siblings brothering fraternally" type of ragbros fans (this is how twt user @/cryovishap puts it afksdjf and i agree). i love chaeya by itself and i also enjoy albedo/kaeya but the twitter fans make me wanna put a pillow over my ears.

07. kaveh. im carefully extracting myself from every other opinion about him in order to preserve my tentative affection

08. would it be mean to say "most of them"? i dont even know what common fandom opinions on a lot of things are. i dont look at the fandom at large much if i can help it

16. oh. so many. many kinds of kidfic, revenge fantasy plots (elaborate constructions of "a character is wronged and they &or their lover Destroy Everyone about it"), shovel talks (i hate shovel talks), anything where diluc lacks his violent/sadistic/mildly crazy streak, overinvestment in monogamy or virginity (shipping that's desperate to preclude even the option of other meaningful romantic or romance-adjacent relationships, and things where characters desperately assure each other that they've saved themselves up for this like good christian kids). probably other things, but this is off the top of my head.

one thing i REALLY don't like in general is when top/dom characters aren't allowed to be shamelessly kinky in their own right. like, it's a particular thing if their character is such that they won't want to inflict pain or misery on their partner, but it's very often less a characterization thing and more. a subtle implication that this is how people think doms/tops should be in order for their sexual dealings to be Ethical, as though wanting to cause pain, or being interested in choking someone out, or having cnc fantasies about being the aggressor rather than the victim, are morally indicative desires. subs are always given leeway to want something in ways that doms aren't because victimhood is more morally pure than aggression even when that victimhood or aggression is within the space of kink (or maybe even especially so bc getting off on something makes it worse). but it's always super important to me personally that doms get to be wholeheartedly into whatever they're doing to their sub. they don't have to be shameless about it (shame and guilt are interesting!) but like. they should also be rock fuckin hard at the same time.

19. haikaveh. i know this is so vanilla but gughgjgh i would erase them from my brain if i could

i wouldn't mind doing 9 and 10 but i cant think of anything. thank you for the asks! if anyone read all of this but disagrees with me that's fine you're good i'm not judging anybody and people have complex reasons for liking things that i am not privy to.

[effymefy]

every night i feel so lonely. whenever someone need i’ll be there no matter what the time is, but when i feel down, sad and lonely and i need someone to talk to theres nobody as fast as i am to reply. it does feel lonely and sad sometimes. whats the point of being “well known” and have lot of friends when non of them are there for me when i feel like im at the lowest. im lying to myself. i force myself to be okay. im actually not okay. im actually in pain deep inside my heart making the scars of my own. i shouldnt have care anymore. i dont miss her but it hurts so much to know ive been replaced so damn fucking fast. its been like what ? 4 weeks and she already have someone new as her SO ? im that worthless that im not worth to move on from ? im not suck as a partner that my love just being replaced like that ? when u said no i would be single cause u got tired and cant commit and yet u accept some guy and what worst is its someone u called and say bestfriend to my face. reason is u accept cause he didnt give up having feelings for u for 4 years? u literally make him as your rebound cause deep inside u know u cant be alone . but i shouldt have feel bitter about it cause probably thats what your coping mechanism are like. u hide your stories from me cause u aint ready telling me yet but i knew about it already. whats the point of u hiding it again from me when i sitll knew ? hiding things make it worst honestly and u never learn from your mistakes and keep making it again. u sure are not that matured enough to deal with this kind of situation. i might be over reacting but know my place of feeling shit that ive easily replaced just like that. should have listen to my head and my mom. fyi mom never like u anyway cause she can feel u aint right for me and here your actions speaks louder. so kids, trust your mom instinct and advice cause believe me its going to come true. oh everytime i had a nightmare something bad gonna happen. it did happen. twice. sucks right ? waiting for the day of your pain might come cause u knew that worst will come based on the hint given in your dream. God really love me that He show me signs. i have to let things go but its really hard for me to forgive your mistakes hiding things from me. u know them well how my past happened and u did those shit anyway. fuck u for that. anyway i saw your new picture with him and u look happy. eventho youre with him but deep inside i feel calm looking at you seeing u look happy. eventho its not me who make you feeling that way. reason why i ended the relationship/friendship we had cause i know things gonna become toxic and i cant deal with it professionally. its better we become stranger where its easier for me to forget about u and not care about your shit anymore. hope this rant helps me with what i wanna say in my heart and in my mind. this is the only safe place without people knowing my stories and judging me. the only place i can write and vent things out. fuck this is so sad. im the most happiest and happy go lucky person and people destroy me. screw u shitt. night

[lowestechelonabomination]

good evening. heres your o overcoat askliveblogging notes:

- the first paragraph is already so cinematic wtf ech

- at this point im gonna turn this into a film myself

- "people were weak by nature; he knew that lesson well" heyyyyyy echie is that a reference to dazai abusing him heyyyyy ☹️

- THEY TALK TELEPAHITHICALLY OH MY GOD

- frilly neck thing he could never remember the name of

- I THINK HIS SOCKS WOULD HAVE CATS AND PUMPKINS ON THEM

- god i wanna draw rashoumon in an apron now

- ITS LIKE A MOM HAHAHAJAAHHDDH

- "take ur melatonin u sick overworked bitch"

- god his thought process is spot on echelon this is gorgeous. dazai teaching him that actions always have a negative consequence and that he needs to be taught a lesson is so awfully heartbreaking

- dude its like he gave birth to his ability i LOVE this

- GROCERY STORE UWWWAAAHHSHFHF

- RASHOUMON MOM CANON

- gin laughing 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- OH MY GOD. GINS DEAL. IM GONNA LOSE T HELP ME HAHAJAJAHSHHD I LOVE THEM SM

- "A flower born in darkness could only ever stay in darkness because anything light that dared come near would instantly be tainted." oh my lord.

- he totally liked that plush

- okay ive gotta say i LOVE your characterization of akutagawa. the way he is trying so hard to not yell at the cashier is spot on, especially considering that he probably doesnt know proper communication skills. you. oh my god /pos

- oh god this cant be good. not dazai

- PLEASE I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT TACHIHARAS NAME WAS LMAOOO

- "The day Dazai left the Port Mafia was the day Akutagawa snapped. It was as if something holding him from within had crumbled away, and the shards dug themselves into every part of his soul." i cant even emphasize how much i love this bit. i wanna carve the words into my arm and stare at them for the rest of eternity

- originally i thought that chuuya wouldve sent him the basket, especially because he mentioned akutagawa being sick towards the beginning, but now dazai makes sense. also i LOVE how you word akutagawas mindset throughout the fic. its obvious he has trauma and i just adore how you arent portraying it as seeking approval and rather being immature and mentally painting dazai as someone bad because thats all he knows

- he refuses to believe that dazai had changed and was becoming a better person. its gorgeous. my god.

- KATAI??? YOU PULLED OUT THE B I G GUNS MFER OH MY HAHAJAJAHSHDJ

- my jaw is wide open btw i was NOT expecting him

- "you think a VPN can stop me?" said every pirater ever (me)

- KATAIIIISISHSHUEHFHFHFJFJF

- ECHELON HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE HOW HE DOES IN KUNIKIDA AND KATAIS BRILLIANT DAYS IM GONNA CRY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

- watch: its tachihara. boom case solved.- akutagawa has autism pov

- I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KN E W W W WIT WAS CHUUYA

- chuuya shit-eating note 💀💀💀💀💀

- ohhhhhhh gin my girl i love them so much i love gin 🥺🥺

- SLEEP DEPRIVED AKUTAGAWA LETS GO MFERS

final thoughts:this was a gift from god, truly. this is easily one of my favoritest fics ive ever read to this date. akutagawa's persistent villanizing of atsushi and dazai is perfect, and his anger is just so hdhejhskajsjfjfjfshdndjfjdbd i cant even. i love this so much and i have no words <3

ajhsdjkhsdksdhkds literally grinning at my screen as I read this :D :D :D

I'm so so glad you like the first paragraph because starting paragraphs are one of the hardest things to write and usually turn out to be not the best :'). I had a sketch of Rashoumon in an apron somewhere but I can't find it *sobs*. I never actually came up with any of their fake names because I was lazy, but Tachihara's fake name is basically the equivalent of "the peepee poopoo man" or something similar. unfortunately I don't think I did Katai justice in this fic because I wrote this before I read Brilliant Days, but I guess he can have some dumb jokes as a treat. also autistic Akutagawa so true

anyway, if you're curious and have the time, you can go back and try to find all of the tiny, subtle things I hid in the actual text. most of them are about how Akutagawa refers to things

also THANK YOU THANK YOU THANKYOUTHAKNYIOU SDJHGFKSDKLDSJ :DDDDDD