#i cant put their relation into words but its incredible

[flovverworks]

was thinking of the times when akira express wanting to be rmbrd again weh

[nomaishuttle]

sry its just like rly incredibly annoying how much ppl will like. IDK. yes ik a lot of autistic and adhd ppl who do love music. and sometimes it is bc of their neurodivergence yk. music can be grounding its familiar its reliable and comfortable. i think its fine to say Autistic/ADHD ppl often find comfort in music. but its stupid as fuck to say Therefore enjoying music makes you autistic/adhd.

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 3

Propaganda:

Gene -

"Has a special interest in film and almost works himself to death because he doesn't think his film is as perfect as he wants it to be. He completely botches a project on purpose, an action blockbuster, because he felt like it wasn't respecting the thing he loves the most."

Kei -

"It was the scene in which Makoto and Nao discover that he was able to stuff so many wild plants into his bookbag bc there was literally nothing in it that sold it for me. I can't put it into words. I just see that and I know. I know that boy is autistic."

Arthur -

"His powers are literally fueled by his special interest in knights and chivalry."

Euini -

"I relate a lot to his social anxiety, especially his performance anxiety that occurs when he's being watched by people, particularly due to his stress at needing to follow the plan/do things the "proper" way in order to not feel like he's a failure. he also stands like a lil autistic kid and i appreciate him so much for that.

(LIGHT SPOILERS) basically, he has a test that he needs to take in order to advance as a witch, and he keeps failing it because he cant perform properly while being watched by other people, even though he knows the "right" spells to use and why he's supposed to use them. on his third attempt of the test, he's prepared a "script" to use so that he can follow it and not worry about failing in the moment (in this case, his script is a hand-written book of the proper spells to use and the order in which he's supposed to use them), but when a part of the exam changes, he's no longer able to follow his script. because he's been taught all his life that there's only one proper way of doing things, his way of thinking is very rigid and he's not able to deviate from his plan without panicking. luckily, one of his fellow examinees (richeh from the autistic anime girls poll 💕) is able to convince him to try and change the way that he does things to something that is more attuned to his personal needs- basically change the way that he casts his spells and which spells to use so that he doesn't need to struggle with doing things in the way that everyone says that he should; the way that he cant seem to manage. but, even before richeh helped him with that though, he was still finding way to modify the "proper" spells a little bit to better suit his weaknesses. he was trying so hard to fit in to the mold that witch society gave him, but it just wasnt right for him and he was making it work however he could."

Westar -

"something something Westar's entire character is an anomaly amongst the other denizens of Labyrinth in that he's a big goofball in a world where everything is dictated to the extreme by its ruler. if that's not an autism metaphor of some kind I don't know what is."

Sousuke -

"Sousuke Sagara is an ex-child soldier turned teenage special ops who has to go undercover at a high school to discreetly bodyguard another student. The only problem is that he has no IDEA how to act like a "normal" teenager. Sure, you can say that a lot of his mannerisms come from the whole "raised as a child soldier" thing which, fair, you could make a decent case for (C)PTSD. However, he's also extremely serious and has notorious flat affect and does not understand when other people are joking at all. He's incredibly literal; there's several scenes where he misinterprets what someone says, like the time he asked the art teacher what a model was supposed to do and got a rambling flowery metaphorical response about "becoming one with nature" so he ran off to hide in the woods. Another thing, his social skills are… lackluster at best. He's very blunt, and also a terrible liar for an undercover agent, when the student in question confronted him his strategy was to repeat the same phrase over and over again. One time he's challenged to see if he can pick up any girls, and after a brief misunderstanding his "improved" flirting tactic was to jump in front of them and say "Hi! Would you like to know the names of defense agency spies?" Speaking of, Sousuke has an obvious special interest in the military tech and giant robots he works with. He reads their magazines for fun and was able to rattle off the specs for a model Russian tank. The first time he actually looks happy is when he accidentally starts infodumping in front of the class while introducing himself. One time he got distracted on a mission (and need I remind you, Sousuke takes his job VERY seriously) because he found someone who was also interested in the giant robots and got into a full-on conversation with them and completely forgot what he was doing. It is IMPOSSIBLE to read this boy as allistic. And sure, he might be a little stiff, but he's also very caring in his own awkward way. One time he gave a girl flowers as an apology gift…because they were poppies and he told the girl she could get rich by selling opium on the black market. The "picking up girls" challenge mentioned earlier ended with him helping a grandmother pick out a toy for her grandson. He agreed to pretend to be someone's boyfriend for a day (it went exactly how you'd expect, but it's the thought that counts). In conclusion: stan Sousuke Sagara. and vote for him too."

Katsuhira -

"His entire thing over the course of the entire show is that he doesn't feel pain or emotions like other people. He isn't 'interested in himself' or other people (low empathy) and doesn't realize that the things that happen to/because of him do effect other people, he doesn't realize when people have a crush on him or want to be friends, and all of this is stuff he kinda comes to realize as the show progresses. He struggles to care for himself physically because of the lack of physical and emotional input he experiences, and his friends canonically often cook for him and have to remind him to eat, and is a bit picky about what he eats. He cannot read social cues to save his life and is very blunt and honest when communicating with others, and doesn't talk with much tone or emotion in his voice."

John -

"Is very loud and passionate and says everything he thinks out loud, not understanding why others may see that as weird. Has difficulty controlling his volume, so he's almost always shouting."

Yuuri -

"So he models his entire life around the first celebrity he gets a crush on. He's takes up that celebrity's hobby, he gets the same kind of dog that his crush has, and he definitely has his bedroom wallpaper with his crush's face. But then, he actually meets his crush. And his crush likes him back. Naturally he panics over this and proceeds to deny it for months until his crush straight up kisses him. Then like a day later, he just, buys a ring and proposed to his crush on the spot. He's the guy ever. He's so socially awkward, yet somehow still incredibly cocky."

Yoshimori -

"Baking special interest but does Not Get math my beloved."

[thatdeadaquarius]

after scrolling through your posts i felt complelled to send an ask (i wonder why)

This kinda? relates to all the languages posts you've been making (was giggling and kicking my feet while reading them, and got inspired) but because I only speak English, I wanted to put a twist on it.

Creator who has audio processing issues and doesn't realise that Teyvat DOES actually speak the same language as them for a good while.

Because as a person with very good hearing, i sure don't fucking understand what people are saying most of the time, especially in big crowds. (its like listening to the sims sometimes man, i'm fighting for my life trying to understand😭)

So imagine a Creator getting dropped into Teyvat and getting found by a group of hunters or treasure horders, who instantly start panicking and talking all at once because 'omg our god is here' and all that.

And the Creator is still confused and diorientated, so all they're hearing is ✨words✨and they just assume that no one in Teyvat will understand them.

And then when they arrive in one of the nations and get to meet the vision bearers for the first time, the Creator makes a thirsty comment about one of them (probably would be Diluc in my case) and the entire crowd just goes SILENT.

So silent that the Creator can perfectlly understand what that vision bearer said in response.

Anyway, i love your blog :) not sure when you're going to get this, time zones are funny, but I hope you like it

Giggling and kicking?? Over my stuff??? 🥺🥺🥺💘💘💘 You sneaky little charmer ✨️

ALSO

AUDIO PROCESSING DISORDER ASK!!!!?????!!!!

:D

IM IN THE MIDDLE OF TRYING TO GET ADHD DIAGNOSIS AND GOT AN APD TEST NOT TOO LONG AGO BC THOUGHT I HAD IT!!

FRIENDO!! THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!! ✨️✨️✨️🌸🌸🌸

Have a cookie!! 🤲🍪 tysm for the ask im very very happy to see it!! :D!!

(subliminalmessagingyouwillgoclicktheaskbuttonandsendmeanasksubliminalmessaging)

AHFJDLLAHFAAJSK!! LOSING IT OVER THIS!!

(Me from the future editing: Sorry i wrote an entire sloppy written scenario over this its diluc focused, jfc sorry and i hope u get smth outta it 💀)

Oh good lord you being some kind of Creator god after getting sucked into the goddmn video game world is absolute HELL for your APD

Aint nobody tellin u nothing bc i can totally see that scenario happening bc everyone is like blabbering at you constantly, they all wanna get close to you to talk so its just [insert that general cafe crowd noises here]

Like u wish u had lofi to go with it bc u sure as hell cant get a word in edgewise

I know i keep writing abt Mondstadt, mostly bc first city -> intro to game -> therefore you land there

But i promise ill branch out guys but i got an excuse this time u mentioned Diluc 🔥

Honestly bc u probably arent trying to talk back to them (which they dont rlly know why? Bc they totally have heard ur voice while u were in ur world, when they were ur vessels)

They kinda assumed either A. You lost your voice B. You're overwhelmed, ppl r getting WAY too close to you, back off Npcs C. Or you don't speak THEIR language

So ofc Mondstadt brings you into the city and their planning a big ol festival, u came right in time for Windblume anyway, and by the time your done shaking hands and just waving and smiling (bc what else can u do u cant hear these fuckers, maybe u caught a "the" or a "hello" but you could've definitely been imagining it)

And finally you are free of the general crowd, but most of the Vision bearers (Allogenes) who were ur vessels wanna stick around, so u all end up in Angel's Share somehow

It's hella packed, and it's a bar.

So yeah u still can't hear shit, and now it just sounds like one of those fantasy medieval bar audios ambience videos

Ur just kinda kicking ur feetsies on a bar stool while like,, 4 or 5 differrent special character dishes are sitting in front of you

Diluc's behind the bar, and has been so sweetly attentive to you all evening, no matter how many tipsy patrons come up yelling for refills or drinks (or at least thats what u assume, bc u kinda end up just,, jumping and hitching ur shoulders up and trying to be lowkey about covering ur ears...)

He always comes and refills ur glass when it gets to even half-full, swiping away plates that have gone cold, and if you still want smth off of it, he's so perceptive no language needed bc he just sees your face and starts heating up the plate again with his vision with his hand :)

He's actually been the best thruout all this bc he already isn't super talkative, so ur pretty sure you've only seen his mouth open a few times, but otherwise u just communicated with him via actions/expressions

So ur chilling, well sorta, ur starting to kinda get overstimulated by the day and now this loud ass bar, and the fact that ur convinced no one speaks English here...

But hey!

Diluc's cool, u got food, and maybe u can charade to him u wanna find somewhere to retire to now for the night,,

You try and do that but he's pretty busy running around still,

"Damn, at least I get to see his ass though."

.

..

...

Diluc freezes.

You freeze.

Jean, Lisa, Venti, Amber, Kaeya, Rosaria freezes.

The whole bar goes silent.

Their god of gods finally spoke.

Oh they can understand you alright. (Also u were looking right at Diluc when you said it so, kinda obvious who u mean, somebody points to you behind Diluc)

Diluc just kinda,, sputters, like jerkily turns around and everything like a fried robot

"I- ahem- I- um- y-your Grace- I-"

Poor guy.

He doesn't even know what to say 🤷‍♂️

He has been progressively getting closer and closer to his hair color, his cheeks, his neck, his ears its a full white boy flush he cant escape its so obvious (should he say thank you? How do u even begin to thank a god for complimenting ur ass??!!)

He's caught between facing you and turning around and ducking back into the kitchen and never coming out again (unless it's just you two)

...Was it always this hot in here? Or did Diluc do this to you? 😵‍💫

(Well at least it's a lot quieter now)

You take the next logical step in this situation, and gently let your head thud into the bar.

...

It's a tie between Venti and Kaeya who busts out laughing first.

CHRIST ALMIGHTY IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I HOPE TUMBLR MAKES IT "READ MORE" BC I CANT FIND THAT OPTION ON MOBILE

IF U KNOW WHERE THAT BUTTON IS PLS LET A BITCH KNO 😭😩

UPDATE I FIGURED IT OUT FUCK YEAH

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[fluidthoughts]

König general/random headcanons

This is my first time literally ever doing this, so if it sucks I'm really sorry. This also took me freaking forever to put together cause my brains a mess, and even now I'm feeling like it isn't finished, even though it'd already SO LONG IM SORRY LOL. But it'll do for now. I'm also thinking about making a separate post for relationship and NSFW headcanons soon. I just uh. Haven't begun to really jot those thoughts down yet, eheh.

- despite his incredibly large size, if he doesn't want to be seen or noticed, he won't be. A good part of it due to his anxiety that brings a strong desire to avoid being the center of attention. Soft silent footsteps, slinking himself right into the most unnoticed parts of a place, encompassed in the shadows until by some chance, you catch a glimmer of those intense, unwavering, piercing eyes.

- those damn eyes, always scanning, observing, calculating. Staring right through your very soul. It'd be absolutely frightening if it weren't for his inability to not fidget slightly as he stared.

- not a man of many words either. Mostly made up of silent nods and gestures. Chit chat doesn't come easily to someone like him, so when he does speak, he speaks honest and direct. At times taken by others as too blunt or abrasive, contrary to his intentions.

- and of course once he's set loose on the battlefield, that quiet unnerving focus he exudes changes into something entirely different. Something *terrifying*. The embodiment of primal power, pure adrenaline, and even what may be a grotesque sense of humor and pleasure as he tears his way through the enemy

- part of it could be due to this sense of despair in his fellow man, maybe even humankind he feels. He knows too well of the evils that exist in this world, (and maybe the next he fears, for he is just as washed in blood)

- he admires his team a lot though, for their lack of judgement with him, and how they all work together so well, makes him appreciate their dynamics such as he appreciates pack animals in the wild.

- he deeply adores and respects nature and animals. And being the giant muscled athlete he is, lots of outdoor activities are very much to his liking. Hiking, rafting, climbing, etc. When in nature, he feels envy for the innocence and beauty he sees around him. As well as feeling a sense of relatability to the primal instincts and violence and death.

- because of the bullying he endured throughout his life, and because of his size, he would get into fights. A lot. To this day, it still happens actually. Usually ending up in bar fights. As much as he tries to keep himself from it, the habit is there, and he's never one to let rowdy douches in the bars get away with their nasty jabs and comments. He's also been known to get into some of these fights defending someone else. Can't stand to see bullying happen in front of him. But there's also this part of him that thinks he still goes out and gets into these fights because maybe deep down he enjoys it.

- can play the mouth harp. No I will not elaborate. Other than his deep love for music and desire to play instruments, but he always had a hard time being able to focus his hands. Often thought to himself his hands were only good for killing. Turns out he had a knack for the mouth harp though.

- I wouldn't go as far to say he's a religious or overly spiritual man, but he's very enthralled by things like old folklore, tales and stories of things in the wilderness that are best left unknown to man. Hes definitely experienced some things himself that he cant quite explain. One could say it's the cause of his respect and carefulness for the wild parts of the world around him. One could also say its just superstition. He's also very into learning about and hearing stories about such legends of other places, the countries his teammates are from, locals when he's traveling in an unfamiliar place, etc.

- if he is comfortable enough, like he is with his team, he's witty and snarky as fuck. He loves to banter and tell dry jokes and just being a little menace overall. Especially if he's enjoying some drinks and feeling loosened up.

- he has a soft side, and deep down is even a hopeless romantic, but even in his own mind, he's more monster than man. His gentleness is buried deep, except for his interactions with animals. He has always wanted a pet of his own, but knows with his way of life, it wouldn't be for the best. And something like a relationship, he doesn't even get any hopes up for.

- is also a bit of a pyromaniac.

- also a very prideful man. Which makes him competitive, and all the more reluctant to really open himself up. He hates feeling like anyone might be pitying him, and is forever in a mindset of proving himself, pushing himself, and becoming more and more stoic. The type to be most adamant about refusing help from someone.

- he's got an insanely quick wit, but also just incredibly smart and able to learn and pick up on things almost immediately. He's especially handy with things that are of the "take apart and put back together" variety. Hence why he was always fond of firearms.

- he knows women notice him, he notices them too. He knows he's attractive as well. But ever since a cruel joke played on him in his teen years, he finds it all the more difficult to trust women in any sort of romantic or intimate way. "Brawls with other men at least bring total honesty with them" he thinks. And all the better to keep him less distracted from work anyways, right?

- Roze basically forced him (and the whole squad) to learn how to braid to help her and Calisto before missions. König's actually pretty good at it too for it being a hand based task.

[sukunasweetheart]

no energy to be spamming today but yes, only sukuna could ever blow my depression away and yet also give it back to me tenfold...

here are some spiraling thoughts and rambles from seeing the new ep today:

a really interesting thing abt sukuna is that he knows, he understands the thought process of others. and maybe its in a cold and calculative kinda way but still, i think it gives him more depth, he is incredibly aware and intelligent, and he shuns the idea of love not out of ignorance, but because he already "knows" what it is…

the way he witnessed jogo's last moments/words and recognised what it was that he really wanted, idk it just really is a poetic moment to me?? aagh i have so many jumbled thoughts but i cant put them into proper words but yea sukuna is such a deeply complex character

and honestly this only feeds into my delusions more bc it gives me the impression that if sukuna actually tried, he would be great at it, whether it be love or literally anything else…

and also was it just me that feels that sometimes his expressions feel a bit empty at times??? im not trying to say hes being emotional or anything, but all this reminds me of the theme of loneliness, the way he stares at jogo's melting body

ik the manga showed it kinda differently but i feel that maybe he's probably either reminiscing to something OR (ik this is a reach, leave me alone) its that feeling of "loneliness" peeking out slightly in him, because that gap in strength between him and literally everyone else in the world is never closing, he never feels the same sort of satisfaction that his opponents feel-- dying upon giving their all and then being acknowledged by someone stronger than them

perhaps thats what sukuna is referring to when he says "i dont know what that is either" because he doesnt relate to jogo's feelings at the end, sukuna's never needed anyone's acknowledgement ever because first and foremost he never cared abt others in the first place and second, he's always been the strongest(?)

[art-that-fucks-you-up-tournament]

Extra commentaries for "Untitled" (Portrait of Ross in L.A.)

a work that creates a metaphor for the loss of the artists partner by AIDS. There's a mass of candy equal to Ross at a healthy weight and gallery visitors are invited to take pieces of candy, dwindling the weight of the work to mirror Ross' drop in weight as his illness progressed. (cesiousblue)

I had to just kind of sit there trying to remember how to breathe for a few minutes after seeing it for the first time (courfeyracs-swordcane)

The themes of consumption in this work really get to me. It can be made by anyone, using the instructions of the artist, collecting a number of pieces of candy that weigh a total of 175 lbs, the weight of his partner who died that same year. This art hits me like a brick. (envelopedbyoblivion)

untitled (the one with the pile of candy) especially fucks me up bc of the extremely varied interpretations of it. my art history teacher told me that it represented someone spreading joy through ppls lives. a friend of mine said they viewed it as someone deteriorating due to aids-related complications. et cetera. either way it just feels so emotionally intense. (anonymous)

so this isn’t going to be articulated well especially since I’m not that familiar with conceptual art but I’m gonna try because I think it’s so incredible!!!! For a long time when I was younger I dismissed art like this and many pieces that fell under the modern art umbrella because I couldn’t really see the value in like, a dot on a piece of paper or what seemed like a random object placed in a room that someone decided was art for no particular reason. I never examined it and kinda dismissed it for being “low effort”, but this piece completely changed my mind and I was like holy shit I get it now! To elevate the seemingly ordinary, a pile of candy, into something so heartbreakingly meaningful, a portrait of his lover Ross who he lost to AIDS, is so meaningful! I feel like that’s so often what grief is, not the delicately crafted tributes that remind you of who you lost, but the ordinary objects that suddenly become imbued with so much meaning and sadness because they remind you of what’s been lost. It’s not to say that it’s not a delicately rendered portrait, because it is! But it’s like, not a portrait in the painting sense? It’s a snapshot of living with grief, without it it’s just a pile of candy, but when you carry that grief it becomes so much more. Another thing that I really like about this piece is that to me it’s less like a typical visual art piece and more like a song kinda? and as someone who was unfamiliar with conceptual art before seeing this, I think that’s so cool!? There is no “original” or one canvas that is The Art. If you place a pile of wrapped candies that weighs 175 pounds in a room, you now have “Untitled” (Portrait of Ross in L.A.). I realize a lot of conceptual art is like this, but this piece opened my eyes to that. I want to say more about the meaning of creating art that can persist anywhere when so many artists effected by HIV/AIDS were silenced or diminished, and how this piece also uses the audience in a really interesting way, but this is already way too long (sorry for rambling!). I really recommend reading up on this piece and it’s history. (anonymous)

A popular compliment/comment on art (at least in my tumblr circles) is 'i want to eat this art' and often it is illustrated or worded in a hedonistic tear into it wildly and animalistic eating way and thats great but this art is one I want to take one single 'bit', and let it savor on my tongue, put a hand on my stomach and think about how thankful i am to have gotten this bite. As a queer person its one of this installations i cant think about to long and not cry. I am young, too young to have lived through the AIDS crisis (as in the crisis of governments actively working against their people). Its an interactive piece of art and this kind of art always make me crazy the most (of course all art is interactive. the act of looking changes stuff already as we know from physics. looking and thinking about it is interacting) - you are invited to take one of the candy bits symbolising Ross. and on one hand that may sound horrifying to eat away a person who already had so much taken away, you take the part of the sickness of the government neglect. But as a queer person interacting i think about how matter never really goes away, things just transform. You take a piece. You eat it or share it with someone and you remember. You make him part of you. Queer community lost a lot because of AIDS but not all is lost, this work and others like the Quilt are remembrance, the galleries are stipulated to have the pile replenished - so Ross stays 'alive' and able to share bits of his history with people as long as the art work remains - and that makes me emotional (anonymous)

[dogcodedcatboy]

pre relationship: 3, general: 3, 6, love: 10, 13, domestic life: 7 !!

hihihihihihi !!!! i cant wait to start s2 tonight i need to see my kittycat i need to see him !!!!! thank u for always sending asks my aaroman warrior o7 u should rb this ask game 2 so i can pelt u w waystarshipping and jermstone questions

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

absolutely fucking not!!!!!!

by the time any of the roys find out its too late, theyre already very much together. i think the fam knows abt aaron before 04x03 and like, willingly keeps him a secret (have 2 believe none of them would out a family member for personal gain. if not just to avoid the shitstorm for logan). some of them wuld obviously would prefer for roman to a) not be gay or b) at least not be dating a Fucking Weirdo. oh well!

aarons friends are also not. thrilled. for obvious reasons. reactions range from 'ok...u r gold digging, right? does this mean we can afford a hot tub :D' to 'morally/ethically what the Actual fuck is wrong with you bro???'

What was their first kiss like?

hmm the first time they kiss probably an impulsive. half-drunken thing. prolly after their first '''date''' (which roman insists is not a date despite calling him up and inviting him for dinner and drinks). it's rlly messy, roman is kind of an awful kisser at first (out of practice #nobitches) so aaron is kinda like...ok....but it's very endearing somehow.

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

i could write a dissertation on. aaron and the roys. i think he's...polite? i mean, he knows roman is super close to them despite how fockin shitty they are to him all the time, so he's willing to grin and bear it. he doesnt like ken for Reasons (annoying on twitter, involvement in 'dog pound', annoying in real life)*, he's rightfully intimidated by shiv, he thinks connor is rlly fuckin funny, he has a weird psychosexual obsession w tom (as stated, would put tom in a saw trap), he thinks greg is cool and would like to talk about his record collection w him.

*authors footnote: i personally like kendall a lot i do love the fucked up brother dynamic between ken and rome BUT aaron is protective and an asshole and doesnt care abt nuance if youre mean to his boyfriend you go to the gulag for 1000 years ! aarons friends are hsi family! he lives w his childhood + college besties! they are all spectacular assholes as well so roman weirdly fits in! roman likes aarons bff because he is also a snarky asshole. one of aaron's college friends actually is from LA, so that's another person he can relate to somewhat. ovi he's a rich asshole tho and like, has to adapt to how normal people live and socialize (aaron and his friends arent even normal theyre like a weirdly codependent found family) but. they all kind come around to him! (will post extended oc universe lore someday on god)

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

i think they both are kinda stupid abt feelings and prefer physical affection, as sometimes its easier to manage than like, pouring your heart out. aaron is big on words of affirmation tho, once they r more comfy in their relationship/roman is more comfortable w receiving stuff like that.

Who remembers the little things?

aaron is def a romantic, he's big on anniversaries, quick to pick up little things like roman's coffee order, his favorite snacks, etc. roman is a little rusty but is surprisingly sensitive when he cares about someone. he's super in to aaron, so he makes sure to note all of aarons favorite movies and albums (so he can bring them up later and Totally sound like he knows what he's talking about).

[also they r a beautiful ocd (aaron) x adhd (roman) couple so in general aaron is Incredibly on top of things (or else he might die, who knows!) while roman is a fockin mess with remembering shit.]

Who kills the bugs in the house?

the real answer is gustav. he eats them. aaron will hold the cat up and he will take care of business.

[derzeitbistduegal]

back hugs | kamisato ayato

pairing: kamisato ayato & gn reader

contains: fluff, comfort, eventually ooc ayato?, please do tell me if i forgot anything!

warnings: reader has sh scars and they are mentioned along with the fact that they used to sh, they also talk about how they get insecure about their body from time to time, (most likely bad grammer because english isnt my first language and its in the middle of the night as im finishing this) once again please tell me if i forgot anything!

words: 1k

notes: this is my first post man im nervous. i used to sh and im trying my best to stay clean and i want to write this as a comfort thing for myself but also others who used to do so and are struggling :3 have fun reading this absolute monstrosity

it was a common habit of you to hug your boyfriend, ayato, from behind. whenever he came home from a long day of work and would enter your room you would go and hug him from behind and bury your face in his back and hold your arms tightly around his waist. or when you both woke up in the morning and he sat up to leave your guys shared bed, you would sit up behind him and hug him just as tightly as you did the evening before.

this morning was no different, you guys woke up and he sat up and wanted to leave your bed. that was until he felt two arms around his waist and a head on his back and a chest pressed against his back.

he chuckled at that but that chuckle fastly died down when his sight fell on your arms.

he did know about your scars, what youve been through and that you were doing your best to not do that stuff again.

you figured that he was staring and quickly pulled your arms away.

“sorry,” you awkwardly laughed “i wasnt wearing long sleves, i forgot.”

“you dont need to apologise, dear.” ayato said, now sitting so that he faced you. he shifted closer to you so that he now sat right in front of you.

“youre always the one hugging me,” he sighed and let out a small laugh. “it might not seem like a huge gesture to you, but it definitely is to me. i should return that gesture from time to time, shouldnt i?”

with those words spoken, you felt two strong arms wrap around your waist and at the same time you were pulled into someones lap. ayato pulled you into a hug - a tight one at that.

your face was pressed against his chest as he began talking more to you.

“while i cant relate to what you have been through in your past, i do want to let you know that i will never judge you for what you did. you know when i stare at your scars from time to time, im not filled with disgust or anything like that if you thought so. when i look at them, hmm”, he said while stroking your hair “im proud that you made it so far, dear, and i see how hard youre struggling every day to not do it again. i can only imagine how hard it is to resist the urge sometimes. but do know that im always here for you and if you ever feel like doing anything of that sort to yourself again, please reach out to me, you can talk to me, even if its hard. whatever youre going through, we will find a solution for this together. im glad that youre here with me now, and hopefully tomorrow and the day after too. i love you so much, i cant put into words how much knowing that i have you in my life brightens my day.”

he finished his talk but still continued stroking your hair until he felt something wet on his shirt that made him stop. his hands cupped your face so you were looking at him, and there he saw that tears were rolling down your cheeks. his eyes widened slightly at the sight, thinking he said something that might have upset you.

but before he couldve doubted himself any further you started speaking “thank you, love. im glad you feel that way, you know. it is hard to live with a body that looks like mine knowing full on well that i am the one to blame for the way it looks. from time to time i tend to get incredibly insecure about it, even around you, just like it happened a few minutes ago. i do know how you feel but sometimes i cant stop from letting the selfdoubt get to me. thank you for reminding me of that again. i love you too. having you in my life not only brightens my day, you know, it makes my entire existence more pleasant, it makes living actually worth and enjoyable. thank you for being here with and for me.”

as you spoke, your tears slowly stopped flowing and your hands laid on top of ayatos hands which still were cupping your face and he smiled at you. it was the smile that you loved so much, the one that only existed for you, the one he only gave to you.

he gently took your hands in his and started kissing both of your arms up and down.

“i love you”, he whispered against one of your arms “and i love your body, too, no matter how it may look like.”

“youre gonna make me cry again.” you said as he looked up to your face. as he did look up however he saw that you were smiling, at which he also smiled at.

one of your hands freed itself from his and went to cup his cheek. and with that, you gently pulled him into a kiss which he returned.

after you broke the kiss to breathe, he put his arms around your waist once again and he nuzzled his head in your neck.

“say, ayato, dont you have work to attend to? weve been in bed for way too long, havent we?” you asked.

“did i not tell you?”, he asked back, head still buried in your neck “its my day off today. we can stay in bed together as long as we please.”

you could basically feel his shit eating grin against your neck, but still, who were you to complain? after all staying in bed with your lover wasnt a bad thing.

“good, good.”, you started “lets stay like this for a little while longer.”

he hummed in response which sent slight shivers down your spine. “lets do just that.” he muttered as you kissed the top of his head.

[petitsoeufs]

I want to make a post just to get my thoughts down. This isnt going to be anything close to cohesive and is more of a personal vent tbh. Tw for abuse below

In late 2020 / early 2021, when I was 17, I met my ex partner through a dsmp server. He was a huuuge wilbur fan and I mean huge. He watched every stream religiously and would liveblog them to me, he defended c!wilburs actions to the death, he was wilburs self declared #1 fan. He was also incredibly abusive. Towards me, towards my friends, towards anyone within a 5 mile radius. I was involved with him for just over a year before cutting contact. Its been two years since and Im only barely starting to put back together the pieces of my life.

Seeing the news about wilbur and the accusations against him have. brought up some memories I really didn't want to think about again. and I dont really know what to do with these feelings. Its almost funny how similar the accusations being made against wilbur are to the things I accused my ex of. Almost. It would be funny if it didnt really fucking hurt.

Not only am I losing a creator whos been a huge part of my life the last few years, as well as my all time favourite band, I cant help but keep relating the things I'm seeing on my dash and social media to the abuse my ex put me through. Its honestly scary, seeing people make in depth posts about the different manipulation tactics and abusive things wilbur has said over the past years, and being able to apply it word for word to conversations and arguments I had with my ex.

I dont know where im going with this I think i just needed to get it out of my head. this all has been dragging up memories I thought i forgot about. may or may not be taking a break from engaging with mcyt content for a bit to get my bearings (my queue is still full so thatll keep going anyways).

[sabaramonds]

the thing about mikoto of milgram fame is that hes like. okay. so theres a lot that cant be said about him yet because his 2nd trial hasnt released and wont be for quite a while and his music video and interrogation only tell us so much. but what they DO tell us is um. enough to say some things if he answered his interrogation questions honestly, we know he has a younger sister he brags about, his parents are divorced and his father isnt involved in their lives. in regards to his mother, he says that “she raised me. i cant let her worry.” he downplays his own interests/hobbies a lot. he said he played baseball in high school but that he wasnt good at it; he went to an art school but did so in order to go into business (though design was related to his chosen company) and says that he likes drawing but, again, isnt good at it. he says he hates working late nights but we see him pulling an all nighter at work in ‘undercover’. when asked why hes working his current job, he says he worked incredibly hard to even get hired, so its something to be proud of. finally, when asked if he ever gets angry, he says he doesnt. he says, “i dont think ive ever gotten angry before. isnt it disgraceful to get angry?” theres also the following milgram portal conversation (src):

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right?

I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired?

Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you.

…….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

all these little things add up to paint a picture of a stressed and deeply repressed guy working a job he doesnt actually like (but he has to have a successful job he can brag about or his mother will worry) he thinks little of his own interests and hobbies and socializes more out of obligation than out of genuine desire. all of this culminates to um...his present situation... basically what i want to say is that i think its fine. also i think he killed someone and immediately repressed it but that incident is entirely unrelated to his anime brand DID and his alter. who aside from trying to whale on es that one time has only ever really showed up to be like “can you shut the fuck up. and get away from me. im trying to be normal over here and you are RUINING my life” or to pace around in mikotos cell in the middle of the night like a creature. i think mikoto 2 was entirely unrelated to mikotos repression stress induced rage murder but they might have cleaned up after him idk. we will see. mikoto wants to be a normal guy having a normal time and not worrying his family at all ever and never experiencing anything like anger or frustration at all EVER EVER!! because he has to set a good example for his sister and be the perfect son for his mom so she can relax. and he doesnt think he can do the things he enjoys for the sake of doing them. so what im saying is if he killed someone who cares. whatever. also we should all mass vote him forgiven/innocent just to spite kotoko after last nights birthday timeline post. AND because it would be funny as hell and the fandom flopped HARD voting haruka guilty/unforgiven. like god forbid girls have a little fun 🙄 btw its my firm belief that the tarot set we see in his mv (and i could talk a lot about the rest of the imagery used in that video but its almost 2am and ive rambled long enough) was designed by him during college. really funny to think about it like that. he does have one of the card designs (the. hangman, actually. i think) visible on a canvas in his apartment, partially obscured behind his couch at one point. so. lol

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics 🤣 i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

[finchers-ipad]

Okay so i watched ‘The Killer’ for a second time and think my brain has stopped melting out of my ears enough to form some coherent thoughts about it (spoiler free for the most part but if i do put one i’ll put a warning before that :D)

My favourite scenes:

Firstly the opening like 30mins which i’m counting as a scenes and if not it’s my favourite sequence. I love that we are introduced to this move called ‘The Killer’ which it’s opening titles show different ways of killing people etc so as an audience we expect to be thrust into a violent environment. But Fincher subverts those expectations by having us watch a guy wait around for 30mins.

(SPOILER) I LOVEEE the use of handheld in this movie and this scene/sequence has my favourite use of it in the film. When The Killer messes up his job, the camera immediately switches from a steady cam to handheld, to me this represents how unstable and panicked he feels in the moment. He has to go against his mantra and improvise and the handheld really heightens the tension.

Again, i know this happens throughout the film but the SOUND DESIGN IS SO INCREDIBLE OMG. I love how it is used to align us with Fassbenders charecter (eg if we are seeing from his POV we hear ‘How soon is Now?’ at full volume, however if we see a shot of him we hear the muffled sounds of his headphones playing the song). I also love the song choice for this scene. The sound design is like it’s own character in this film and is up there with ‘The Social Network’ in terms of its use in Fincher’s films.

I also love how this whole scene is basically an homage to Hitchcock’s ‘Rear Window’, i just love that film. (also this isn’t really related but Fincher also added a little homage to ‘Rear Window’ in ‘Panic Room’ where Andrew Kevin walker makes a cameo)

Another one of my favourite scenes is the fight scene in Florida (KIND OF SPOILER):

THIS FIGHT SCENE IS SO FUCKING EPIC!! the low light which allows things like them being illuminated by the tv and bathroom light look so cool, the controlled chaotic carmera movement, the use of props and set in the fight

yeah i honestly cant pinpoint necessarily what i love about this scene but it’s just so cool to watch!

Random thoughts/opinions:

Tilda Swinton competes with Fassbender for my favourite performance in this film. The monologue about the hunter and the bear she gives is so captivating and she has me hanging on her every word. Also i don’t know if this monologue is in the novel because i haven’t read it but either way, it is the most Andrew Kevin Walker dialogue in the film and reminds me a lot of ‘Se7en’

I think this film contains the most handheld shots in all of Fincher’s filmography

The films this is most similar too is ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ and ‘Gone Girl’ but kind of if you replaced Amy and Lisbeth with a guy who listens to The Smiths.

Ah i really didn’t like the opening credits they SCREAMED Netflix original, like what was with those Adobe-Premiere-Pro-ass transitions 💀. but honestly nothing can top ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’s opening credits so i shouldn’t get my hopes up lmao.

If i were to rank this film in Fincher’s filmography i think it would be pretty low-ish. That’s not to say this is a bad or even average film in any shape or form i just like a lot of his other films more than this one :) i am going to be really awkward with my rating and give it a 6.75/10 but i do feel like i need to watch it again lmao.

i am SO SO SO happy that i got to watch this in the cinema. it was over two weeks ago now and im still thrilled.

Ty for reading rambles! If anyone has any thoughts about ‘The Killer’ please share them with me!! :D

[sammygender]

things about homestuck i have discovered in my reread

terezi is my favourite character and will always be

caliborn is fucking HILARIOUS jesus christ somehow i forgot this (he hasnt got to the misogyny yet that part gets kind of less funny)

dave and karkat kind of ARE that good, regrettably. i feel like we all go through a davekat phase upon first reading and then gradually we get over dave and karkat and move onto other, better pursuits, like vrisrezi fanfiction or space player meta. rereading tho man they are excellent… not the most compelling characters of COURSE and really more like babys first analysis in terms of dissecting them, but man they are funny, man their emotional arcs are vivid and well written, man they are hilarious together also (penis ouija. yeah that was funny). coming out as a dave and karkat fan once again

homestuck in general but especially the start of act 6 is INCREDIBLY funny. for some reason i thought act 6 was less funny and more like plot-heavy which i guess it kind of us to an extent cause most of it is now Relevant all the time but oh my god the alpha kids are a trainwreck and its so funny

on the subject of the alpha kids. last time i properly read homestuck i was like 14. i had never experienced being the same age of the alpha kids and now looking back its insane. that is LITERALLY what being 15/16 is like. the romantic chaos the constant miscommunication the way this group of best friends just somehow have so many fucking problems with each other??? and the COMPLEXES. my god

appreciating roxy more this time round than i ever did before she rubbed me a little the wrong way first read i think maybe bc everyone heralded her as like The Unproblematic Alpha Kid when like oh my god she is a fucking MESS but when looking at her through that lens shes fantastic

jade harley should be mean more often. every PASSWORD FUCKASS interaction was an absolute delight. man she should get more page time

vriska is indefensible when u first meet her its so hard explaining to people that shes like The Fucking Best when she spends most of her intro mocking the guy she paralysed for being paralysed. sadly, she still IS the fucking best.

did i mention terezi pyrope is my favourite character ever in anything

i still cant pay attention to anything exile related i'm sorry. i just look at the pretty pictures and skip through it quickly as possible. if they dont have complex psychology and fun conversations idc sorry im a bad hs fan

calliope is both a delight and so wrong like all of the time. reading her i see where all the fandom misconceptions come from. ur not meant to take her word as 100% serious when she says stuff like male/female classes or whatever!! she sees everything through this incredibly binary 2 choice lens like caliborn bc thats literally the life she lives. this is also extra funny i guess considering shes literally kind of meant to represent the hs fandom

LIL HAL <33333333

sorry that so much of this is about the alpha kids im part way into act 6 now

dirkjake so far have not had a single interaction and iirc they never do??? fascinating storytelling since we still have a perfect picture of their dynamic

terezi is characteristically being stupid about vriska again, because she is complicatedly and unwittingly in love with her

DAVEREZI FOR THE FUCKING WIN MY GOD. THEYD NEVER WORK ENDGAME BUT THEY ARE SO FUNNY TOGETHER LITERALLY BFFS. no romance tho just vibes

does rose get confirmed as a lesbian later in the text or is that just a fandom interpretation cause ngl i have seen people harassed over bi rose which is kinda crazy anyway but would be even crazier if its not. an actual canon fact

LE SIGN IS UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED TO MEAN TOO BAD HES GAY YOU OBTUSE DUNDERFUCK from roxy compared to poor dirk calling the word gay antediluvian. man just wants to like jake in peace

honestly everything alpha kid wise is insane lets just. put it there

I MISS VRISKA

terezi is my favourite also have i said that already

[valsshadow]

Ok so by the request of @j2lx, a 500 word essay on any topic thats related to the people i simp for. And hence, i proudly present,

WHY CHROMES ARCLIGHT FRAME BEATS GLORY AND DESERVES BETTER

Here are my criterias. (Disclaimer everything here is purely my own opinion and my love for chrome)

1. Voicelines and poses

2. Coatings (yes i know theres a vampire skin but im in global and even then why that when abs)

3. Fight animations

4. The dorm chibis

5. Affection story

(And now before i go any further, yes i play all my games with chinese dub if they have it, but yes, i also call the commandant shikikan)

Voicelines and poses

I could go on a whole day about this but look arclight needs more lines. In comparison to the newer character frames, he has so few poses. BUT HIS LINES AND LITTLE GESTURES MAKE ME GO INSANE.

Like look at him going all shy and there are what, 5 of them?? Just imagine if we had more, how cute they would be. CHROME BEING SHY IS SO GODDAMN ADORABLE.

More examples^^ of his voicelines

And then we have the glory frame

These are literally the only 2 that make me feel anything but even then. IT DOESNT COMPARE TO ARCLIGHTS VOICELINES. Its almost as of he's grown a little more distant from shikikan after the new frame :(

Next Coatings

So since we have the standard ultima looks above, lets go with those first. So i wont deny that the glory frame looks better. (it's what made me get chrome after all) But i love the little ear decives chromes arclight frame has. Theyre jsut so cute but overall, in terms to standard frames, glory wins.

Now onto the frames you can buy

^glorys

Its cool and a little better than a similar one arclight has

^^im talking about this one

BUT

QLDHLQHWKGWLWYWUSUQGHWHFJWVWJX

You can see why. I dont need to say it. (Also, yes, i do have that camu skin. iykyk)

And therefore. My final conclusion is that arclights frame win this. I havent bought that skin yet but I'll probably get it soon.

Ok update: Halfway through writing this i decided yknow what, im pretty sure i have a lot of coating blueprints. Its only 49??? Such a steal. I still have soooo many coating sketches that i havent exchanged yet.

Can you hear me screaming? HES SO HOT GODDAMN SKJDKHDKAJSJK. NO REGRETS.

And.... onto fight animations

Ignore the terrible gameplay and the fact. its incredibly fast and the fact that im lagging a bit. I have absolutely no control over my dodges i know, im working on it.

(i wanted to add another short vid of arclight as the starter because he just looks so pretty but alas, tumblr wont let me so imma just gonna fangirl over that in another post)

Very honestly speaking, glorys animations and effects are better. Especially when the game ends and if youre caught in the midst of his signature or some attack. Although I'll admit that sometimes we get really strange angles

I cant really decide but I'll pick glory on this one. Simply because its really fun to just randomly ping an orb towards the end and hopefully get a cooler looking pose right before they play the battle end animation.

(theres gonna be a pt. 2 for this. i have so many photos and tumblr isnt letting me put more than 10 so-)

[inkybinkyboink]

hi sorry i gotta ramble incoherently for a second bc im like Moving Out tomorrow and i have. a lot of feelings. so of course i listened to into the woods and i got to stay with me and now i have even more feelings.

i love the idea in into the woods that "children will listen". i love it. the idea that sometimes, adults, and in the shows case, the witch, want kids to listen and think that they dont because they dont reflect the behaviour theyre being told to do. but the thing is they do listen. you just dont always know it. and sondheim says this verbatim in the show "careful the things you say, children will listen". kids hear the shit you say, and they take to heart. you cant control what that is or isnt. its kind of gut wrenching to realize that, and i remember wishing my mom could see that as well. that we are listening, and the shit she says has an impact.

my mom isnt the greatest, and so i remember relating to this song a lot in high school when i was like super into the show, i remember wishing i could show it to her bc it kind of puts into words what i constantly fail to. this idea that you have to let your kids go, that as bittersweet as it is, theyre not your kids. theyre their own entities and souls. it feels like, to this day, ive never been me in my moms eyes, but rather a reflection of different people she knows. it feels like shes never really let me be myself.

whats frustrating is that the witch is kind of in the right for a brief second. it is incredibly valid for not wanting rapunzel to get hurt. the line "princes wait there in the woods it's true/ princes yes but wolves and humans too" hits hard. i get it. but i feel like its human nature to not want your loved ones to get hurt (ignoring the witch's motives for a second) and i get that you'd want them to stay with you. but getting hurt is part of gaining life experience. speaking very broadly in terms of human connection, you learn from others. you learn what kind of people you like and dont like through the experiences you have with them. and thats something you can only really see if you go out into the world and live your life.

hearing the line "stay a child while you can be a child" (again, ignoring the "with me" that follows) is also really difficult to listen to because it's a really bitter pill to swallow. sondheim is so right in this and i agree. please, be a kid while you can still be a kid. being a kid is precious and fleeting and so so so vital and beautiful. but it's also...an unliveable life. you cannot remain a child forever. you must grow up at some point. and i think that's what im like,,,upset abt. ive rlly hit the point of no return. i have to be an adult now.

on a more hopeful note, if you look at this line and also integrate the witches motivations into it, it becomes really interesting. she wants rapunzel to stay a child, but i think you can grow up and still remain childish. and i dont mean childish in an immature sense, i mean it more like "youthful"? like in the little prince, when they say "growing up is not the problem, forgetting is". im criss-crossing themes and messages here but it just feels,,,relevant.

im scared of forgetting, i think? im scared of becoming cold and distant like the adults in the little prince, or mean and possessive like the witch. i dont want to, and i feel like somehow moving out means im inevitably going to wind up like That, even though it know it doesnt.

theres just a lot going on and change is hard and scary.