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#i cant stop saying this in my head rn
volos-wish · 6 months
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Me when slowly having an epiphany while on a mission with Deadpool:
Wade a minute....
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dizzybevvie · 3 months
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#im to embarassed to talk abt him but omg im gonna EXPLODE#cutest boy EVER in the world EVER EVER EVER#his cute glasses and his pretty eyes and his smile lines and crows feet and the way the hairs at the front curl into a heart shape#the way he sits and the way he stands and the way he talks to his family and the way the big t shirts he wears sits on his waistband and#hes insecure about his body and his acne but hes literally so gorgeous I have no idea why he is#goddddd cutest boy in the worldddd i like him so much it makes me feel sick#at prom (26th june) he tied some loose fabric around my wrist and its still there now#his jeans i see him wear all the time cus theyre his favourite like he has favourite jeans im àaaaaaaaaaa#the way he throws his head back when he laughs and the specific “ha-HAA” laugh he does when he isnt expecting it#his stupid chai latte that he really likes#how he always has to say goodnight 3 times before he stops talking#how he uses the purple heart emoji rather than the regular ones#i had a dream once that we were laying in my bed when everyone was asleep just whispering and giggling and he left in a hurry back to-#wherever he was staying and we were laughing and when the door clicked behind him i just felt so light#UGH HES SO CUTE#his big dramatic expressions and how everything becomes a story#the stupid facial expression he pulls where his tongue goes out and hos eye brows arch when he makes any kind of dance move#the way he giggles when hes about to make a joke#(richie tozier voice) CUTE CUTE CUTE#omg his VOICE. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god man. oh god. help me. god be with me. please.#hes playing troy bolton rn so he keeps singing HSM and im just AAAAAAA I CANT. I CANTICANTICANT#the way his instinct is to grab my wrist/lower arm/hand whenever anything happens#OAIAHAUAGAH GUYS. GUYS I WILL NOT SURVIVEEEEE#his eyes are like. slanted? idk how to describe it but theyre lower on the outside and theyre soooooo gorgeous#ughhh both his eyes and hair are like so-dark brown theyre nearly black and its so fucking pretty i cant do this#at prom i had to lean in to talk to him & vice versa and at some point we were sat towards eachother with his legs kinda like barricading-#mine yk. ugh. he was so sweet and so cute the whole time. like helping me walk in the heels and opening doors for me and following me around#UGHHHH I CANT. GUYS. HELP.#☕#beverly says stuff
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imflyingfish · 3 months
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I gotta be less hard on myself. Annoyingly i know that my best work comes from when i am hard on myself. But i keep stopping myself from doing things i want to due to perfectionism. Annoying.
#atm i feel like im just chasing interest after interest after interest#ive been working on my mimecraft base a lot but i have. complex feelings about the base atm#im happy with it and its paradise.#its too paradise that it makes me unsettled#which is nonsense its my place and my build#but i feel a lot of pressure to make it perfect#even though I and vee are the only ones who go there and i dont really care about the likes on my posts anymore#it still makes me feel. odd.#i love the work though i love the style and i love using it as a means to imagine a better world#atm im really enjoying just spending time on the server hanging out with vee#but i get into my own head a lot about the base#its not even just the base im talking about everything but the base is the example#i built a bit of a weird interior today i just went crazy with the terracotta and the plants and a pool of water#and i keep thinking on if it was the 'right' thing to do#and if i will be able to complete it properly to a high enough standard#it also doesnt help that ive improved over the course of the last 2 years in building#so now my house looks off and weird and theres trees that need to be taken down and paths that are over textured#but i find the process of doing it and the feeling of completion really deep and important#i dont know. i feel like im constantly in a battle of pushing myself to be better but limiting myself at the same time by having fun or sthn#i feel like i should be making youtube videos or at least prepping to#but i havent because i cant figure out how to organise mods and its freaking me out. theres just loads of excuses stopping me#i dont know.#the annoying thing is pushing myself creatively has resulted in massive benefits for me lately creatively#partly i think why im feeling odd with the base atm is because ive suddenly gone for being barely able to play an hour a night to having all#the time in the world so its created a sudden influx in development#idk. this is rambly#fish talks#i want to download a minec@ft map and remove the suburban housing to replace with higher density properties becsuse ive been watching too#much socialist urban planning videos again and c1t1es skyl1nes just isnt cutting the cheese rn#thats the wrong saying. fandoms censored to avoid crosstagging
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it#its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul#crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to#say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to#let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to#physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill#somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes#energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating#and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make#work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics#so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while#i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation#rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals#like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too#but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them#if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she#works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology#i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying#at least i get to work with some culturs this week#unrelated
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crescentfool · 1 year
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hello everyone! now that team picking is out i wanted to say that i am participating in artfight for the first time this year on team werewolves! (its the color blue. i love the color blue.)
you can find my profile here! https://artfight.net/~crescentfool
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bmpmp3 · 5 months
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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widevibratobitch · 6 months
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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uhhh something something 'the only time a yakuza should laugh with his teeth is when he's with family or in trouble' something something arakawa gradually doing so more and more when hanging around jo something something Uh Oh™️
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deadsh33p · 11 months
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bro full-on shoutout to you for trying to catch up on the chapters of my fic. they get longer and longer and one of them is over 20k LMAO good luck, I am so sorry. The newest ones are super short and easier to read, so it's less exhausting HSDJASGDJDG anyways. UM I'm I'm so sorry for what happens
I think I'm in the 20k chapter rn x'd tho idk lol. Also, seeing how you're saying "you're sorry' all the time makes me wonder what'll happen. I BET it is related to Oswald's paranoia, because you started highlightening it on the chapters I'm currently reading, unless it was mentioned before??? (I don't think so)
Anyways can't wait for all of their relationship to be ruined and for them turn into enemies to lovers LMAO/lh
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lonelyvomit · 2 years
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#hi im having a bad night and everyone is allowed to ignore this i literally just need to rant#.........................................................................#................................................................................................#.............................................................................................................#.........................................................................................#........................................................................................................#..........................................................................................#it's just not fucking getting better is it#I've been fucked in the head for 3 weeks cus I cant stop thinking about how 4 years ago this time I was at the psych ward#and honestly? I lowkey wish I was again. it was the most stress free period I remember ever having in my life.#and I'm getting more tired and it's causing a lot more bad days and days I'm too tired to talk to people properly#and of course. that has the same consequences it always does. I'm not fucking surprised.#but it's spiraling me right back into feeling like the worst friend in the world which in turn makes me convinced no one actually likes me#that everyone is secretly just fucking annoyed with me but no one is saying it out loud cause everyone else is pretending to like me too#and the worst thing is I'm supposed to go meet a bunch of people in Helsinki in 10 days but I feel like no one really cares if I go or not#probably even prefer if I didn't uknow I'm not really part of that group the same way the others are#I'm fucking terrified of sticking my nose where I'm not wanted.#and obvs if I was a normal fucking person I'd just talk to people and make sure we're still good and no one hates me#but I'm ill and exhausted which has my social battery in the fucking negatives and I just cant do Conversations rn#which. is the exact fucking problem. literally here I go again. this is why people hate me. this is why they leave.#and I cant fucking blame them. if being friends with me is like talking to a brick wall half of the time#why would anybody bother? I cant expect them to. I don't expect them to.#the question is do I wait til everybody drops me or do I make it easy for everyone and just go away myself.#..#anyway. like said my social battery is in the negatives anyway & I just wanted to scream.#no need to react to this in any way. not like I'll have the energy to answer 🙃#im gonna go watch stupid lets play videos and try not to cough my lungs out#cheers.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be#like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now#maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy#im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when#im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck#but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak#thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just#wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive#been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work#my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes#and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over#the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and#talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place.#could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it#so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree#inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im#glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of#couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot#unrelated#its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment#and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i#dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it
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master-of-heroes · 3 months
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autism-corner · 5 months
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i dont want to lose weight bc what if a pretty boy needs to cling to my arm or sit on my lap?? then where would they go?
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princessmyriad · 5 months
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#must not text him texting him is the growth killer#must not text him texting him would be bad because it will make us feel bad and its my fucking bday this weekend#im not letting me do that to us#but fucking god i miss him rn and a lot lately 😭😮‍💨 was there a traumaversary i didnt know about??#the only him related traumaversary already happened in feb and we handled it pretty fairly well (mostly due to the ffected being dormant)#but still like. what did i do last year for my bday? what did we do the year before he was probably there then but i dont remember feeling#this way around last bday? which he prroobbabblyy wasnt there for? time is not easy for me#idk its driving me crazypants lately like i miss him so much i thought he was my everything forever he told me he would be#but hes not and he never was and hes done a lot to hurt me but none of it was on purpose he was never mean or violent#and looking at old pictures we look so fucking good together and old chats the way he talked to me was so sweet and but that doesnt change#the fact that at this point in time and probably never again is he actually here#fuck this noise man ive got a cute outfit ready im going to the local museum with my grandma for my bday day#and ive got weed and tunes planned for the evening there are so many things to look forward to coming soon why#why do i seem to be stuck in the past lately. like not in active ptsd mode im not triggered as the kids love to say but i just cant stop#thinking abt him and the whole relationship and wishing he was here. wishing he never left? or more like wishing hed come back#hoping that hes changed enough and that i have too to make it work. i keep having awful visions of him coming to my door after a life attemp#and im so mad at him but i cant leave him out here so of course i invite him in to care for him and make sure hes ok#and its awful because it feels like a whisper away from being reality. its too close to what could be real#and its awful not because its a dream but because the closeness to what could be reality hurts so much when logic kicks in#and i know its not reality no matter how dang close it seems#personal#i think im splitty lately. im losing more time than usual and i cant get this boy outta my head.#i hope hes a lingering thought and not a permanent resident oh that would fuck us up so so bad#idk. idk dude! everythings fucked up atm im doing a lot of personal growth but im also behind on so many other things#i just want him out of my brain. its my fucking goddamn birthday and im making this one a good one for fucking once#i can handle the other shit later but this one do be fucking me up in a major way lately the last few days. weeks? who knows
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aropride · 11 months
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mutual 1: just got engaged lol <3 #slash serious
mutual 2: i know its been 3 years but i cant stop thinking about bloingo's arc in season 2 :(( my baby my baby youre my baby say it to me
mutual 3: This world is sweriously so fucking beautiful #Just had a snickers bar. effervescent
mutual 4: https://open.spotify.com/track/2P5yIMu2DNeMXTyOANKS6k #yeah...
mutual 5: [gerard way image] #i miss her thighs i mean her music
mutual 6: [this post contains filtered content: blood, gore, guts, wound, nsfw]
mutual 7: if bloingo was a deer he would have chronic wasting disease
mutual 8: [responding to the most insane anon hate you've ever seen] they anon on my askbox til i block #fslur girl slay
mutual 9: Next person to Fuck with mutual 8 has To go through me..... I Will Protect You
mutual 10: get me OUT of the fucking midwest bro #CANNOT take it anymore im srsly at my limit
mutual 11: [poll] should i get boba [yes] / [no] / [button for me]
mutual 12: i think i have a disorder
mutual 13: [rapidly reblogging gerard way images from 2010 with 6 notes]
mutual 14: dude i just got hit by a fucking car im not even joking im waiting for my uber to the hospital rn i think my legs are broken why does god hate me
mutual 15: JUST GOT MY NEUROSCIENCE PHD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mutual 16: [this post contains filtered tags: #[fandom you hate but you love ur mutual so much anyway]]
mutual 17: [reblogging bloingo fanart at a rate previously thought physically impossible]
mutual 18: One of the guys in my head ate my fucking ham sandwich
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Okay I hadn't rewatched The Eye Scene in quite a while but
The absolute Symbolic Powerhouse that is this shot:
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2. Jo mockingly switching to a Kansai accent for a sec? I never noticed it before but GOOD GOD. Also very cool for Tsutsumi since he's a Kansai native but never gets the opportunity to speak it, even outside of his roles.
3. This isn't even anything I just have Mine's dialogue embedded into my DNA sequence at this point, but. The similarity in how he and Jo structure the start and end of these sentences.
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1.) dawg its the way he carefully cradles his hand after puncturing a bro's eye in it's fuckin with me truly and thoroughly
2.) IT IS REAL GOOD AINT IT THE BIT'S SOOOO... i actually didnt know tsutsumi was from kansai but that explains why it sounds so good the few times i've heard it
3.) it COULD be Not Anything but it also COULD be SOMETHING... like another addition to my Mine/Sawashiro cork board....
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