#i couldn't force myself through 11

[mingigoo]

hi sie!! i'm happy to see that your requests are open and would like to request something myself c: 1. seonghwa 2. roommate au 3. prompts 11 and 17 4. with spice please 🙏 thanks so much! i rly appreciate you and your writing even if you can't get to this 💕

I hope you like this!!! really enjoyed writing this one :)

— sleep-talker || p.sh (m.)

“You know you sleep talk?” 

“Stop looking at me like that.

🌊pairing ⇢ (fem) reader x roommate! Seonghwa

🌊 summary ⇢ when you and your friends decide on a trip to the beach for spring break, you get stuck rooming with the man you "hate" the most. The line between love and hate is as thin as ice, and you were about to break it.

🌊 genre/au ⇢ roommates au, vacation au, one bed trope, forced proximity au, smut

🌊 warnings/tags ⇢ 18+ minors DNI, wet dreams, fingering, rough sex, unprotected sex, cream pie, PDA, "enemies" to lovers, one-bed trope, teasing, jealousy, intense tension like holy hell

🌊 word count ⇢ 10.2k words

🌊 taglist ⇢ @jjhmk @yesv01 @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @yukine-smx @y00nzin0 @8tinytings @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover @wooyoungjpg @lonewolfjinji @asjkdk @charreddonuts (please let me know if I forgot you!)

masterlist

ateez masterlist

“Are you for real right now?”

Spring break. A time for rest, relaxation, and lots and lots of sex.

And now, your plans of being a whore for the vacation were ruined.

“Yes, y/n. I can't afford another room just for you to have to yourself,” Hongjoong, your older brother, mumbled as he stuffed the last bit of clothes into his luggage. “You’ll have to room with Seonghwa. San and Wooyoung already called each other.”

He zipped up his suitcase and stood up to leave, but he couldn't get off that easily. “Please, Joong. I’ll do anything. Cant I just room with you and Mingi?” he hastily made his way out of his room and into the living room, trying his hardest to get away from you. “I’ll sleep on the floor. No blanket, just the floor. Please.”

He turned to face you, a confused expression on his face. “Why are you so adamant about not staying with Hwa? What did he ever do to you?” he asked you, genuinely curious. The truth is, he did nothing to you personally. Maybe that was why you hated him, because god, if he gave you the time of day, you would pounce on him like a cat in heat.

You groaned, running a hand through your messy, unwashed hair. “Because he’s a dumb ass jerk that gets everything he wants.” 

Hongjoong laughed at you and turned away. “It's only a week, y/n. He’ll probably spend most of his time in our room, anyway. Just bring a book to read or something to distract yourself.”

As if reading is the thing you'll be focused on if you were in a room with him. Oh Nah, you'll be wishing he’d walk around shirtless and hoping he somehow takes a shower and walks out with nothing on—

“I hope you're packed and ready….” Joong trailed off as he looked at your messy exterior, and stifled a laugh. “And if you're thinking of getting laid, you might want to shower.”

You slapped him on the shoulder, having no drive to shower. You'll get one when you get there. It's not like you were that stinky.

“Shut up, dickhead.”

You stood on the sidewalk of your apartment building, Hongjoong’s little yellow Geo Tracker sitting there lookin’ all cute. However, the tiny thing only had five seats.

There were six of you.

“Welp looks like I can't go! What a shame, what a shame,” you sarcastically yelled out, tossing your hands in the air exasperatedly.  “Have fun without me!”

“Shut your mouth, will you?” Hongjoong groaned, tossing your luggage into the “trunk” or whatever it was. “It's only a ride to the airport. You can sit on someone’s lap for ten minutes.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “Why am I the one that has to do that? Wooyoung is like the size of my arm. He can do it.”

Joong shut the trunk with force at your comment, totally disregarding you. “Hop in,” he said. “Enjoy shotgun while you have the chance.”

You got in reluctantly, even though you were very excited about the beach itself. Your excitement was short-lived as you approached the devil’s lair.

“Stay here, I’ll go help them,” Hongjoong mumbled, pushing his sunglasses up on his forehead as he put the car in park. 

You nodded, your arms crossed over your chest. You didn't mind the rest of the group— San and Wooyoung always knew how to make you laugh, and Mingi was absolutely eye candy. You wouldn't mind sitting on his lap on the way to the airport.

Just as you got comfortable with your head resting against the window, the door abruptly opened, causing you to nearly fall out of the vehicle. “For fuck’s sake, who the hell—” your words got caught in your throat as you met eyes with Park fucking Seonghwa. “Oh, it's you…”

He stood there, his thin torso draped in a sheer white top and his long, lean legs covered in a pair of black pants. You swallowed your drool like a schoolgirl, making sure he never knows how you think of him.

“What?” you raised your eyebrow, not moving an inch and not even reaching to unplug your seatbelt. “This seat’s taken, buddy.”

He snickered, his lips mockingly curled up in a sneer. “Oh, aren't you a sweetheart? Now move, I called shotgun.”

“Well, I did first.”

“No, you didn't.”

“Yes, I did.”

“No.”

“Yes—”

“Neither of you are getting shotgun,” your brother laughed from behind Seonghwa, San and Wooyoung giggling like the goofs they are next to him. You still didn't move, even as Joong approached and unbuckled your seatbelt for you. “Y/N, please help me out here.”

You debated on throwing a fit, but knowing that it would just cause more problems, you sighed and pushed yourself out of the front seat. Now standing on the curb of the sidewalk right in front of Seonghwa, you tilted your head up to look him in the eyes. His gaze was intense—it made you envision what it would be like in bed, looking down at him from above, and how his eyebrows would knit together in pleasure. God, you needed to get laid this vacation, or you were going to be suffering from delusions.

Without warning, Mingi pushed through both of you, interrupting your staring contest.

“We better go, I don't want to listen to their bickering any longer,” the tall boy huffed as he plopped himself in the front seat, a proud smile resting on his lips. 

San sat in the backseat on the right, Wooyoung next to him in the middle. That left either you or seonghwa to fight to the death for that last seat, but you knew how this was going to end.

And it wasn't going to end well.

—

“You comfortable, y/n?” your brother called from the driver’s seat, looking back at you through the rearview mirror.

You frowned so deeply you could've sworn your face was permanently stuck like that.

There you were, in the back of the car, in the most uncomfortable seat ever. Seonghwa groaned underneath you, his bony body not offering you any wiggle room. You didn't answer your brother, you were certain your expression was enough of a response.

You adjusted yourself on Seonghwa’s lap, looking out the window for any distraction. As you moved, you felt him move his hips, and you had to shut away your filthy thoughts about him as soon as they came. Between his movements and his groans, your stomach was knotting in something more than butterflies.

The car was filled with conversation, however, you and Seonghwa remained quiet and in your own little worlds. As the others bantered, you pushed yourself up further on his lap, grimacing as you heard him let out a grunt in your ear. 

And then when his hands gripped onto your bare thighs, you were the one to gasp.

“Stop moving,” he whispered in your ear with haste, almost like a sneer. You kept your vision forward as his breath danced in your ear. “It hurts.”

You swallowed hard. “Oh? Is your little dick that sensitive?” you whispered back, smirking. You moved again, this time on purpose, feeling his bulge through his pants. You kept your cool, ignoring his shaky breaths from behind you. “Are you that happy to see me, Hwa?”

“Shut your mouth or you won’t see the sunrise,” he hissed, but his voice was weak. 

The ten-minute ride felt like an eternity as he breathed underneath you, your mind constantly thinking about how hard he was getting underneath you and how sweet it would be to turn around and face him to see his reaction to you.

You looked to your right, seeing Wooyoung with a knowing smile on his face. “What?” you asked him, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged, grinning. “Nothing, nothing,” he said, letting out a giggle. “Just that you both seem…cozy.” 

You slapped him on the shoulder, your movements causing Seonghwa to wiggle underneath you.

“Dammit, Y/N I told you to stop moving,” he seethed, his grip on your thigh tightening. Hongjoong looked back through the mirror, worry in his expression.

“Everything okay?” he asked, meeting your eyes before focusing on the road once again. “We’re almost there, only about a minute or two.”

“Ten-minute ride my ass,” you mumbled, and as you entered the Airport, you should've known that there were going to be speed bumps on the way in….

The shitty old car hopped over the bump, feeling like it hit a huge boulder. You bounced up, not held by any seatbelt, landing hard, right on Seonghwa’s family jewels.

“Fuck,” he cried, tossing his head back against the headrest. Your hands were now holding onto his legs for dear life.

“Joong, will you slow down for those things? Some of us are suffering back here,” you said, to which seonghwa started laughing.

“You're telling me.” he scoffed.

“Okay okay, I just have to park. I have no idea how this works….where the hell is the long-term parking—”

“Probably over there,” Mingi pointed in the opposite direction.

“No, no, I think it’s—”

“I can't take this anymore!” you cried out, leaning forward to assist Hongjoong since Mingi isn't helping. “There's a huge sign in front of us. How can you miss that? It spells it out, dammit.” you huffed, throwing yourself back into your “seat.” This time, he didn't let out a single groan, probably just as fed up with you as you were with him.

Finally, Hongjoong found the lot and parked the car, and as soon as it was stationary, you tossed yourself out of the vehicle like there was no tomorrow. You knew that you couldn't last a minute more on his lap, because if you did, you would be so tempted to turn around and make out with those painfully pretty lips of his. God, he made you so mad. Ever since you met him, there were only the same thoughts circulating round and round. 

Dirty thoughts.

Seonghwa crawled out of the car like a decrepit old spider, his long legs holding up his body with grace. You bit your lip, looking down at where you were sitting on him. Quickly, you looked away as he noticed your gaze, and ran away to go help the others with the luggage.

You weren't quick enough to miss the achingly attractive smirk on Seonghwa’s face.

Why did he have to be so….. libidinous? He was like a wild animal, able to take the lives away of his prey with just an expression.

No more seonghwa on the brain—it was beach time. You were certain you could find someone at a bar to sleep with later, and it wouldn't be Hwa.

Not now, not ever.

—

You got lucky with the plane ride.

Your seat buddy was Mingi, and Hongjoong knew how much you like your window seats.

Mingi nearly slept the whole flight, his head rested against your shoulder. He snored a little, but it didn't matter. The gentle giant had a place in your heart, so he could do no wrong. 

You often stole glances at Seonghwa across the aisle, his head bobbing up and down as he fought his tiredness. He was so much more likable when he was sleeping, but that was definitely due to the fact that he couldn't stare at you with those entrancing eyes or run that mouth of his.

You were the only one awake by the end of the flight. It was difficult for you to sleep in public places. It didn't feel right. So you would fight off sleep as hard as you could and distract yourself with anything around you.

After the fiasco of leaving the plane, you anxiously trailed behind Hongjoong through the busy airport, pushing past loads of people who had places to be. Thank goodness you were able to leave the airport without a fuss, even if seonghwa was nearly breathing down your neck as you exited.

Luckily, the ride to the hotel wasn't far—and there were more than enough seats for all of you. You distanced yourself from Seonghwa, ignoring his hellish gaze.

The hotel you were staying at stood tall, facing the gorgeous blue ocean for a perfect view. You shut your eyes as you took everything in, smelling the saltiness and the warmth of the air. You smiled to yourself, but your delightful moment didn't last long.

Seonghwa bumped into you purposely, digging his shoulder into yours before walking past you toward the hotel entrance. “Hey, what was that for?” you growled, a scowl on your face.

“You were in the way,” is all he said, not even bothering to turn to face you as he spoke. He continued walking, his beautiful silhouette showing through his sheer shirt. Oh, you wanted to tear it off of him so badly.

You let out a huff of air, but then followed your friends into the building, knowing the end was near if you had to share the room with your snack of choice.

Hongjoong went up to the front desk as you and the boys stood near the doorway, waiting for him to check us in. It didn't take him long, and soon enough, he was walking back over, key cards in his hand, and a bright smile on his face. “All checked in! This’ll be our home for the next week.”

San grabbed his key card first. “Are we all on the same floor? Like in a row? It would be no fun if I had to actually put on clothes to go on the elevator.”

“Yes, San, we’re all on the same floor.” Hongjoong held in his laugh, already clearly enjoying his time away from reality. You stood angrily with your arms across your chest next to seonghwa, who didn't look any happier than you. “And will you two brighten up? You’re killing the vibe.”

You rolled your eyes, glancing up at the boy next to you. His dark hair was slightly frizzy from the humidity, sticking to his forehead like it would if he were sweating. You gulped, thinking dirty thoughts once more before regaining your peace of mind. “I’m not doing anything. It’s all him.”

“No, it’s all you, not me.” he retaliated.

“You’re the one that got a hard-on from me just innocently sitting on your lap.”

“You were purposely shoving your ass on me like a freak—”

“You are ruining the vacation already—”

“Annnd we’re not doing this again,” Mingi sighed and then gripped onto your arm to pull you towards the elevator. 

“Let’s go, we got bars to get wrecked at.”

—

“Oh, hell no.”

You dropped your luggage as you entered your room for the week, staring at what was in it.

Or lack thereof.

One bed—a queen, maybe, sat in the middle of the room. A chair was tilted by the sliding glass doors that opened to the balcony, and a lamp stood in the corner. It was cute, of course, but you thought this couldn't get any worse.

Seonghwa walked past you into the room, setting his suitcase on the floor by the chair. “Don't worry,” he hummed, his voice low. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“I–” you paused, taking in a breath before continuing. “You can sleep on the bed, I ain't that mean.”

“So you think I’m going to let my best friend’s sister sleep on the floor?” he laughed, but it wasn't out of humor. “That’s funny. I’d get my ass beat.” He sat down on the floor, stretching out his long legs before opening his suitcase. “Just forget about me like you usually do and take the bed.”

You had no snarky remarks to throw at him this time, your eyelids feeling heavier than ever. You sighed, sitting down on the bed with a thud. “Okay, fine. Wake me up when we are going to leave.”

“Yeah yeah,” he snarkily replied, too focused on his luggage in front of him. You shut your eyes slowly, holding on to your consciousness a little longer, before drifting off into a sleep that would cause an unexpected uproar a few hours later.

—

After your amazing nap, you and the boys found your way to a beach bar, sand filling the floor and loud music playing in the background. You took your rightful spot at the bar, sitting right next to Wooyoung, who was already chugging a fruity margarita. 

“You should try this, Y/N,” he let out a satisfied sigh after he finished his gulp. “Tastes like fucking unicorns and rainbows.”

You laughed. “Sounds divine, but I’ll pass and get my whiskey sour.”

He grimaced. “Ew, you should spruce it up a little bit sometimes.”

San sat down on the other side of him, a fancy glass in his hands as well. “Yeah, you’re kind of a bore.”

“San what the—”

“She is, isn't she?” Seonghwa hummed from behind you, and of course, sat his ass in the chair right next to you. You groaned, ignoring him once again, although it was quite hard to not drool as he gulped his beer, his throat bobbing as he drank it.

Fucking hell.

You looked around for any sign of your brother to save you, and once you saw him, you cringed, turning right back around to face the bar. “Dear god, can't he keep his dick in his pants for five minutes?” you shivered, trying to think of anything else other than your brother making out with a random person. 

Seonghwa looked back, a smirk on his face as you ordered your drink. “Hypocrite. Just last week I walked in on you with Mingi in the chem lab,” he snickered, his midnight eyes catching the neon lights behind the bar. “Your tongue was so far down his throat I swear I—”

“Says the guy who I caught watching porn freshman year in the computer lab—”

“Here’s your Whiskey sour,” the bartender awkwardly interrupted, but thank god he did. You quickly chugged it, finishing it within a minute of getting it. He gave you another right away, and you downed that one as quickly as it came. He was cute, a little on the scruffy side, but definitely a good one-night. You gave him a look, feeling accomplished as he smirked a little before serving someone else.

“Maybe you shouldn't drink so fast, y/n,” San murmured from Wooyoung’s side, his strong arms holding his weight against the table. “You get drunk really quick on an empty stomach. Remember what happened last time? You have a bad habit of trying to kiss everything you see.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, setting the empty glass down on the bar. As you did that, you felt the warmth of the alcohol fill your body. “What? Who did I kiss?”

Seonghwa laughed from the other side of you while you focused on San.

“Me.” San blinked. “Tongue and all. But not just me, you kissed the statue outside our campus. You know, that really rusty one?”

You gagged. “Ew, no. stop. No, I didn't.”

“Oh, yes you did,” Seongwha piped in, sipping on his third or fourth beer. “And then you threw up on my shoes when I brought you home.”

You let out an exaggerated sigh of relief, taking his beer right out of his hands. “Phew, thank god I didn't kiss you,” you shivered, bringing the bottle up to your lips. After you started chugging it a little bit, Hwa ripped the bottle away from you.

You felt your vision start to sway from the alcohol. You loved the feeling of being drunk—just hated the hangovers. Right now though, you wanted to get wasted and go home with a stranger. The hangover will be tomorrow’s problem.

But seonghwa had to just run his mouth once again.

“You know you talk in your sleep, right?” He laughed, a full, humorous laugh. He tossed the bottle to the back of his throat and then continued to laugh at you. “Something about how awful the airplane food was and how drinking milk reminds you of cum.” he grimaced at the last part, but a playful smile still rested on his face. “God you are explicit.”

Your cheeks flushed, looking anywhere but his direction. “I do not sleeptalk.”

You looked to Wooyoung and San for help, but they looked dumbfounded. “I wouldn't know, y/n, I never slept with you,” San smirked, smiling deviously at you. “Unless you’re down with that, I’m all for hearing you sleeptalk in my ear all night.”

“Yeah, me too,” Woo played along, knowing he was just doing it to tease you. Seonghwa, on the other hand, was trying desperately to embarrass you in front of the hot bartender.

“God, it’s so annoying, I wanted to rip my hair out earlier,” he smiled devilishly, his teeth even brighter than normal under all the neon lights. “I thought I couldn't hate you more, but you proved me wrong.”

You looked straight ahead, ignoring Seonghwa’s goofy smile. “Whatever,” you huffed, resting your face on your hand, your elbow holding up the weight. You watched the sexy bartender notice your stare. He smiled and walked over to you.

“Need another sour?” he asked, his cheeks pinched with dimples. You had your eyes set on going home with him, and you were going to follow through with it. Seonghwa can stay outside for the night—or watch, it didn't matter to you. 

“Actually,” you pondered, blinking slowly as the alcohol hit your system even harder. “I’ll take a vodka and Sprite. Grey Goose.” you hummed, watching him nod with a smirk on his face.

Seonghwa chuckled, but you were too focused on your mission to hear him blab about how much he hated you over and over again. Soon enough, that damn grey goose hit you harder than anything. Your eyes fluttered after your second glass, your vision fuzzy, and your heartbeat racing. 

You let out a heavy sigh, unable to remember your original mission.

“Hey,” you coughed, your cheeks burning up from the toxin. You looked around the bar, only meeting Seonghwa’s eyes…..oh…they’re so pretty. “Where did everyone else go?”

He was facing you, looking at you through those sparkling irises of his. He took in a breath, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well, your brother left with that girl he was making out with earlier….San and Woo left not too long ago to go to another bar, and Mingi….” he paused, watching your expression change when mingi was mentioned. “Mingi went with them.”

“Ah,” you nodded. “Why’d you stop at mingi like that?”

He furrowed his brows. “Why’d you look like that when I mentioned him?”

You sniffled, feeling a burning sensation in your throat from all the vodka. “What do you mean?” you were too messed up to defend yourself. You didn't even know your expression changed.

“You looked…different when I said his name.”

You couldn't help but laugh at his dreary tone. “Pfft. Hwa, do you think that just because I slept with him once that I have feelings for him?”

He frowned, his eyebrows knit with confusion. “You slept with him? Mingi?”

You shrugged. “Yeah. Just once, though.” Oh god, you officially couldn't think straight. Why were you even telling him this? “But that was it.”

He looked at you with an unknown expression, flattening his lips. “So you just sleep with anyone, huh?”

You scoffed. “Well, no, not usually.” you bit your lip, looking at him without knowing how you were looking at him. “I kind of always wanted you, but I didn’t understand why, so I ignore the feeling by sleeping with other guys.”

“That makes no sense, y/n,” he spat. “What are you saying?”

You rolled your eyes, drunkenly gripping his broad shoulders, shaking him slightly. “Awh, shut it, Hwa. Haven't you ever felt that before?” you paused, not realizing how close you were. His eyes were sharp, and his lips parted. “Wanting someone you can't have? Knowing that they wouldn't want anything to do with you?”

He swallowed hard, his gaze piercing into you sharply. “You’re drunk, y/n,” he paused, looking at you intently before shaking your hands away. “Let’s go back to the hotel.”

“Oooh, don't tempt me, baby,” you poked his chest, giggling as he stood up off the barstool. You were completely oblivious to the fact that you just admitted to wanting him, but it didn't seem like he took it seriously. 

“Get up,” he huffed, gripping under your arms and lifting you off your chair. You groaned, wrapping your arms around his waist. You held onto him tightly as he reached into his back pocket to grab money, tossing it onto the counter with a glare at the bartender. 

“Enjoy your night,” Seonghwa growled, holding onto you, and made his way towards the hotel with you clung to him.

“Seonghwa,” you whispered, a giggle under your breath.

He grunted, pulling you along with him. “What?”

You sniffed. “Can I kiss you?”

He sighed. “No.”

“Why?” you mumbled, shoving your face into his chest.

“Because it’s your drunk habit.”

“So would you kiss me if it wasn't?” you asked, completely obliterated. There was no way you were going to remember this in the morning. 

He didn't answer you.

“Come on, Hwa,” you moaned, stopping and gripping onto his collar in front of the hotel. You looked up into his eyes, feeling his intense gaze cut right through your intoxication. You needed him. Needed him bad. “Just once. God, just once.”

“I…” he swallowed, his hands twitching at his sides, crying out to touch you. He kept them away, even if he didn't want to. “Not now. Not while you’re drunk.”

You blinked slowly, watching his lips flatten into a frown. “Does that mean you want to?”

He sighed, running his hands through his hair aggressively. “Please just….let’s get back to the room and get you to bed.”

You groaned, but complied, following him into the hotel and into the elevator. The ride was silent, Seonghwa standing in the corner, farthest away from you, his breathing slowed. You stared at him, leaning up against the wall.

“I really hate you,” you mumbled, glaring at him. He was too sexy, his hair messy, his eyes dark, his long legs taller than a skyscraper. You only admitted your attraction to him when you were drunk, but you couldn't deny the pull you had to him.

He looked up at you, his starry eyes looking from your legs, up to your hips, over your breasts, and finally to your eyes. He took in a sharp breath, biting the corner of his lip.

“I hate you too,” he whispered, his vision low.

And in what world would the words I hate you cause someone’s heart to flutter?

The elevator dinged at your floor, and after a moment of longing stares, Seonghwa gripped your arm and dragged you out. He held onto your drunken body as he searched for his keycard, and once he found it, you tumbled into the room together. 

Your back was pressed against the wall, his arms caging you in on both sides. His forehead was on yours, and you were able to feel his hot breath against your lips.

“Oh,” you hummed, your hands subconsciously dancing at the hem of his t-shirt. You watched his throat bob anxiously as you looked into his eyes.

It took everything in him to move away. He coughed awkwardly and then nodded toward the bed. “Come on, you need to rest.”

“Mhm,” you murmured, unable to move in a straight line. You kicked off your sandals, and pulled off your shirt with ease, leaving you only in your bra and that skimpy skirt seonghwa was looking at all night.

He watched as you walked, holding his breath without meaning to. 

As you neared the bed, you reached back to unclip your bra, but you couldn't reach it. “Hwa?”

He was looking at the floor. “Hm?” 

“Can you…” you paused, giving up on trying to get it off. “Take this off of me? It’s really uncomfortable.”

He blinked, his eyes wide. You couldn't see the confusion in his expression, but you heard the shakiness of his tone. “W-what? Your….bra?”

“Yeah.”

He didn't say anything else. He slowly walked over to where you were, and as his fingertips traced the middle of your back, you shivered under his touch.

He unclasped the hook, but held on to both ends of the bra, afraid to let it drop. “It’s done,” he whispered, backing up slightly.

You dropped the bra onto the floor and then reached to take off your skirt. As you slid it down your hips, you heard seonghwa nearly trip over his feet trying to turn away.

“Do you…always sleep naked?” he asked you, looking anywhere but where you were. You were way too drunk to care about what he sees, but you were also too tired to try. You fell onto the bed, your arm covering your breasts and your underwear still on.

“Fuck, y/n,” Seonghwa huffed, finally looking over and doing everything to not look where he shouldn't. He gently reached for the blanket, tossing it over you in one swift motion.

You shut your eyes tight, feeling his presence loom over you. He brushed away the stray hairs on your face and made sure you were laying on your side. 

“.... I’m so screwed,” he muttered, giving you one last look before walking into the bathroom and turning on the cold water. 

A cold shower, especially knowing that there was a beautiful, nearly naked girl in the bed just outside the door. 

The cold water ran down his body, giving him a rush of pain. 

“Fuck,” he hissed, biting his lip as his attraction to you only worsened. 

—

After his attempt to cleanse his messy thoughts, Seonghwa stepped out of the bathroom, towel hanging low on his hips. He hesitated before looking over at you, and after he got a good look at your pretty face, he made his way to his luggage, rooting in there for a t-shirt to toss on.

“...seong…hwa,” you moaned. 

Moaned. 

“....y/n?” he whispered, maybe thinking you were awake and needed something. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but that sounded too….sensual than just a normal tone.

“I…ugh,” you groaned, “don't stop, please. H…Hwa.”

Seonghwa raised his eyebrows, dropping the clothes he had in his hands, eyes wide.

“Seonghwa….”

Okay, that was the third time. You were most definitely dreaming about him….

“Oh…my…god.” Hwa gulped, cautiously standing up and backing away as far as he could from you.

Little did he know how detailed your dream was.

—

His hands snaked up your bare hips, your legs wrapped around his waist. His lips were on your ear, biting, teeth clashing against your skin. 

He thrusted into you, hard, his hips buckling as he moaned. You cried out his name, back arching, nails scratching. He fucked you hard, his forehead against yours, and his eyes rolled back into his head. 

“You like that?” he whispered, his tongue sliding into your mouth before you could answer. His sweat fell on your cheek, and you moaned out his name once more. You weren't sure how you got here, how this came about, or anything. All that mattered was that you were finally with him, the man you always thought you hated.

“…hwa,” you moaned, “fuck me harder.”

And as he slammed into you with even more force than before, his lips crashed onto yours, his black hair blocking your vision. You wanted more, and more and more—

“Y/n,” 

“Just shut up and keep going,” you cried out.

“Y/N!”

You shot awake, gasping for air as your back hit the headboard. You breathed heavily, realizing that you were dreaming about all of that and that the real seonghwa was standing in front of you, shirtless, with an expression you weren't quite sure you’d ever seen before.

“Seonghwa, what—”

“S..stop it. Don't say my name,” he stuttered, looking anywhere but your body. He quickly tossed a t-shirt at you—his t-shirt. “Just put this on. The guys are down getting breakfast, so we gotta go.”

He quickly walked to his own luggage and grabbed a shirt for himself. You watched him as he tossed it on and slid on his shoes, and with one last awkward glance at you, he left the room in haste.

You were too scared to look down, hoping that you still had underwear on. You weren't too sure if that was a dream or not, but given the way he acted, it made you even more confused.

You felt the wetness between your thighs, clenching them with a sigh. You stood up, tossing on the bra that was laying on the floor as if it was thrown off of you.

After cleaning yourself up a bit, you made your way to the breakfast area on the first floor, immediately noticed by Hongjoong. “There you are! I was worried you weren't going to—” he stopped, noticing the shirt that was way too big on you. “That’s the shirt I got Hwa….”

Seonghwa cleared his throat, shoving a bagel into his mouth to distract himself.

You ignored him and sat down across from him and next to Mingi. You looked up, meeting eyes with the man you thought so filthily about, seeing a swipe of cream cheese on the bottom of his lip. You held back, knowing that it’ll just send you into another spiral if you pointed it out.

But when he stuck his tongue out to lick it off, you felt the tingle in your stomach once more, thinking back at the dream you had, and how his tongue caressed you in more ways than one.

He met eyes with you, his lips parting slightly. His gaze was much different than it ever has been. You've never seen him so….lost. His expression was conflicted, his eyes not leaving your lips.

Wooyoung smirked. “Did you guys fuck or something? What’s with the mood?”

“Wooyoung!” Hongjoong yelled.

“What? I’m just pointing out the obvious,” he shrugged.

“We didn't. Keep dreaming,” Seonghwa muttered lowly, taking another bite of his bagel.

Hongjoong huffed. “I don't want to imagine my sister and seonghwa in that way…that’s super weird.”

“Why?” seonghwa questioned, his tone serious. You looked at him, confused as to why he cared. It seemed like everyone else was just as confused as you. “Ahem, I mean…uh, is it that hard to imagine?” Seonghwa’s voice was shaky, his gaze hopping from Hongjoong to you.

It made your brother laugh. “Well, yeah. You guys hate each other, right?” he took a sip of his coffee before continuing. “It makes no sense for you to even see eye to eye, I couldn't imagine you two in any type of relationship. Maybe her and Mingi, out of everyone.”

Seonghwa dropped his bagel face down onto his plate. “Why Mingi? What’s so special about—”

“I’m right here guys….” Mingi tried to interrupt, but Seonghwa shot him a dangerous glare, causing the gentle giant to hold his tongue.

Hongjoong looked around at the boys awkwardly and picked up his fork to continue eating his eggs. “I’m just saying.”

This was too awkward. You kept stealing glances at Hwa as if he were a magnet. You assumed he felt similarly, because every time you looked, your eyes would meet, and then you would awkwardly stare for a moment too long before looking away.

And when he got up to get more food, you got up, too.

“We need to talk,” you whispered, coming right up next to him as he put a muffin on his plate. “Why are you acting weird?”

He sighed and continued to add food to his plate. “I’m not acting weird.”

As he moved to get a drink from the drink machine, you continued to follow him. “Did I do something wrong yesterday?” you gasped, holding a hand over your mouth as he still ignored you. “Did I kiss you? Dear god, I hope not—”

“No, you didn't,” he said quietly, walking back over to the table.

“Something must have happened, seonghwa—”

He stopped, nearly causing you to bump into his back. “Don't.” he paused, taking in a sharp breath, looking over his shoulder at you. “Don't say my name.”

You frowned in confusion, watching the muscles in his back move as he walked away. You couldn't remember your antics yesterday, but maybe you made him uncomfortable by sleeping nearly naked—he hated you, so you could only imagine how irritated he was.

“Listen, if it was because I was naked, I'm sorry—” 

Everyone at the table looked up as you spoke, including seonghwa. He looked shy, a blush on his cheeks, and he sat down quickly and stuffed the muffin in his mouth.

“Naked?” Mingi laughed, looking from you to seonghwa suggestively. “Sounds awfully smutty, Seonghwa.”

“We didn't—” he groaned, running a hand down his face. “Nothing happened with us.”

“Mhm, okay,” San smirked. “Whatever you say. Anyway, we have a whole day out planned, so you two better get back to your normal selves or we won't have any fun.”

You really needed to talk to seonghwa, but it seemed like you'll be busy the whole day with the boys—and he didn't seem to be very interested in talking to you, anyway.

You tilted your head in curiosity. 

“What are we doing?”

—

The day was eventful.

First, you went to the beach. Seemed innocent, until Seonghwa took off his shirt and got all soaking wet, sending you in a mess of thoughts and a mess below. He would look over at you, and wouldn't look away, paying intense attention to your body in a skimpy little bikini. 

When you went to talk to him, he body-slammed you into the ocean, and normally you would've fumed, but this time, you enjoyed his hands on your bare skin. 

After the beach, you walked along the boardwalk of shops and lots of food. You grabbed a popsicle, licking it without a thought, but when you felt an intense pressure on you, you looked over to see seonghwa looking at you with an expression you've never seen on him. His eyes were focused on your lips, his own lips curled up as he bit them. You continued to eat your popsicle, but couldn't stop looking at him.

When you tried to bring up last night, Hongjoong came over and took the rest of your pop, running away from you like a child.

At dinner, you sat at the far end of the table, as far away as possible from Seonghwa. It wasn't intended, but now there was no way you could talk, as everyone would hear your conversation.

You ate, feeling defeated. Maybe you should just forget about it.

It was still daylight after dinner. As the guys conversed about what to do next, San and Wooyoung decided to go their own way and walk the beach, which was just their code word for “shopping” for girls. Hongjoong agreed with them, shocking you since he was always hell-bent on not going off a schedule. You assumed he was just going to meet that girl he was with yesterday, but whatever, it just meant that you could be left alone with Seonghwa.

After those three left, it was only you, Seonghwa, and Mingi. Hwa stood with his hands in his pockets, awkwardly looking around as you stood outside the restaurant. Mingi was even more awkward, looking at you before speaking.

“Um, I’m just gonna go with Woo and San, so,” he breathed, looking to seonghwa now. “I’ll see you guys back at the hotel tonight.”

“Okay, Mingi,” you smiled. “See you later.”

You watched him leave and then looked at the boy standing next to you.

“So,” you tried to initiate conversation, but seonghwa started walking in the opposite direction from where everyone else went. You followed. “What should we do?”

“I’m going surfing,” he said blandly. “I don't know about you, though.”

“I’ll come with you,” you smiled, finally catching up to him. He let out an aggravated groan as you walked close to him. “Do you even know how to surf?”

He scoffed. “Yeah, of course, I do.” 

“I’m just saying,” you noted, shrugging as you followed him. “You’re too….dainty. I feel like if you fell off you’d break every bone in your body.”

Seonghwa didn't react in any way you were hoping he would. Instead, he kept walking silently, until you reached the part of the beach where the surf shack was. Wetsuits were laid out, ready to be picked up, and surfboards stood tall through the sand and against the building. You stared in awe as you approached, seeing that there was no one else here but you two.

Finally, alone at last. 

“Grab a suit if you’re gonna do this,” he pointed to them, raising an eyebrow when you stood there anxiously. “What? Don't you know how to surf?” he mocked.

You kicked at the sand, your hands behind your back. “Pff. yeah, of course, I….no. I don't.” you pleaded with your eyes sweetly, despite all of the dirty things you wanted to do to him. “Could you please teach me? Pretty please?”

He held his own suit close to his chest as he looked down at you. “Why should I?”

You stepped closer to him, causing him to step back cautiously. “Because I’m pretty?”

“Oh honey, who lied to you?” he joked.

“Please, Seonghwa?” you stressed his name, hoping to break him. You watched his eye twitch as you said it, reminding you of earlier when he told you not to say his name.

“Seonghwa seonghwa seonghwa seong—”

“Okay, fine! Jeez,” he huffed, tossing you a suit, only for it to hit you in the face. “Get dressed.”

You walked into the shack with him, going your separate ways at the locker rooms. Everything went smoothly until you tried to zipper the suit up, only being able to get it halfway. You pondered on asking seonghwa for help or completely turning into a contortionist, but after failing to do it yourself, you gave up and left the room to ask him.

Seonghwa stood amongst the surfboards, his lean body looking delicious in that surf suit. You nearly drooled looking at him.

“Hey,” you started, slowly approaching him as he picked out a board. “Can you help me zipper this?”

He turned to you, his expression conflicted as he saw you. You turned around, showing your exposed back, causing him to clear his throat. “O..okay.”

His delicate fingers brushed against the skin of your back, nearly causing you to shiver. You felt his breath hit the back of your neck as the zipper moved up and up until he zipped it completely.

“....There,” he said, swallowing. “You’re all good.”

He didn't move his hands until you pulled away from him, turning back around to face him. The silence was deafening, so you decided to break it.

“Seonghwa, about last night, what exactly happened—”

“Let’s just get started before the sun goes down,” he interrupted, looking anywhere but your eyes. “We’ll talk later.”

That was good enough for now. You watched him try to pick out a board, but he seemed extremely nervous. After a good bit of time, he grabbed a pink one, causing you to smile. Pink suited him so much, more than he’d probably like to admit.

“Let’s start with some basics,” he spoke smoothly, tossing the board down onto the sand. “Get on it. On your stomach.”

You lay down on the board, looking up at him for more directions. He taught you how to paddle with your arms, explaining that you'll have to dive under the waves sometimes if you were okay with doing that. You couldn't look weak now, especially not to him. So after the little training lesson, you were finally in the shallow water, sand already in every nook and cranny of you.

“Try to keep balance,” he said, his voice raspy. It wasn't the time to turn you on, but of course, he could do it just by his voice. “Keep your chest up.” his hand caressed your back, down your spine.

You looked up at him, his wet hair dripping down his face. You held back, as much as you could, from pouncing on him.

But when you fell off the board and got stuck underwater, you’ve never seen him so concerned before.

He grabbed you under your arms, pulling you back up and holding him to you while you coughed. You were perfectly fine—maybe a little too much water in the ears, but it was the least of your worries. What you cared about was the look on his face and the way he caged you to his body.

“y/n?” he rushed his hand over your face, pushing away your drenched hair so he could see you. “Are you okay?”

You coughed, blinking away the salt that infiltrated your eyes. Seonghwa noticed your distress and gently rubbed your face with the pad of his thumb. 

“Don't rub your eyes,” he pushed your hand away, still not letting you go from his embrace. “You'll make it worse.”

“It hurts,” you mumbled, causing his look of worry to worsen. True, the salt started burning your eyes, but you couldn't get enough of his caring touch—maybe because he’s never shown this side of himself to you.

He took in an anxious breath as he looked around. “Maybe we should get back to the hotel,” he spoke softly, the sound of water filling your senses as you looked at him. 

Everything about his appearance aggravated you—from the way his midnight hair draped his face, dripping with water down his cheeks, to the way his normally judgemental eyes seemed gentle and sweet. He looked kind, the type of man who would worship his lover like a queen, and all the time knowing him, you tried your hardest to only see him in a negative light.

Now, as he held you in the cold, sparkling ocean as the sun was setting, all you saw was your reflection in his eyes and all you felt was the undeniable pull to be with him. To touch him. To kiss him. To tell him that maybe, just maybe, you’ve always had a piece of him in your heart.

“Seonghwa, I…” you paused, ignoring the burn from the salt water. You watched his lips as they slowly parted, his eyes wide as he picked you apart. They looked at you differently, like they never looked at you before, and you wanted him to never stop looking at you. 

The distance between the two of you was nonexistent—you saw every drop of water on his skin, and you were certain he was able to gather the meaning behind your gaze. If he did, he didn't say anything—he only looked back at you with those entrancing irises of his, a look you’ve never seen from him. He waited patiently for you to finish your sentence, but you had nothing else to say.

As your lips neared his, you heard his breath get caught in his throat, and you felt his embrace tighten around you. You closed your eyes, taking in the feeling, hoping that he would be the one to lean in and meet your lips.

He didn't. 

Instead, his hands trailed down your back, the pink surfboard still floating next to you despite being forgotten. His breath was shaky as he touched you, but the moment ended too quickly as he shook himself out of his trance.

“I um, we should, you know,” he nodded towards the beach, even though you weren't too far out. “We should get back to the room.”

You slowly blinked at him, watching his expression stay the same despite the change of mind. He coughed, letting go of you, but then he grabbed your hand and the board before pulling you to shore.

The walk back was quiet. He didn't let go of your hand until you got back to the surf shack, and he reluctantly let go knowing you had to change.

You both were silent as you looked at each other, but the ache in your chest convinced you to break this tension.

Before you entered the changing room, you quickly turned back around to face seonghwa, who still stood with that….sex-charged expression on his face.

“….Stop looking at me like that,” you hummed, your chest heavy as he breathed in deeply. He looked at you with those bedroom eyes of his, half of his wetsuit already off. He looked deadly, which didn't help your desire.

He swallowed hard but tried his best to remain calm. “Like what?”

You took a step closer, reaching back to your zipper to pull it down just a little. You shrugged it down your bare shoulders, making sure he got to know that there was nothing else but you under that wetsuit once again.

And when you got as close as you could, you said the words you knew would be life or death for him. 

“Like you want to fuck me,” you shrugged, acting all cool even though you were falling apart by the second. You were lucky you were at the surf shack at such a late time of day, and that no one else was here except you. 

He choked on air, stepping away from you until his back hit the wall. You noticed how his chest rose and fell as he breathed in, and how delicious it would be to just lick him all over….

“I…” he gulped, but his eyes lingered on your shoulders and the curve of your breasts. “I don't know what you mean?”

You smiled through your haze, mind focused on getting to the bottom of his sudden change of attitude towards you. You reached out, gently guiding your hand down the plain of his chest, down his slim, but muscular waist. Oh, you couldn't get enough of him already.

You smirked. “Then tell me why you’ve been eye fucking me all day, or at least what happened last night, so I can understand.”

He blinked fast, looking from your lips, down your neck, to your bare shoulders. 

“You…” he took in a sharp breath as your hands trailed down his body. “You sleeptalk.”

“I know that already,” you whispered, looking into his captivating gaze. 

He leaned forward slightly, veins popping in his neck as he strained against his judgment. “I mean, you…kept moaning my name. I…I couldn't take it anymore….I can't take it anymore. Every time you speak I just want to fucking shut you up with my mouth for fucks sake.” he huffed, subconsciously gripping your hips as he grits his teeth. “You so annoying, so damn annoying, I can't—”

“Then take me,” you spoke against his lips. “Fuck me. Just like you did in my dreams.”

His forehead pressed against yours as you pushed him further against the wall.

“And how did I do that?” he growled, his fingertips tugging at your wetsuit. “Was I rough? Gentle?” he paused, lips pressed to your neck. “Did I make you say my name, or was that all you with that filthy little mouth of yours?”

You couldn't speak as his lips glided down your neck to your collarbone. He sucked on the skin there, roughly, causing you to suck in a sharp breath and run your hands through his dripping-wet hair.

You moaned, biting his earlobe. “I want you to tear me apart.”

He smirked against your skin, his eyes finally meeting yours. 

“Rough it is, then.”

Without warning, he bit his lip hard as he pulled your wetsuit right down to your ankles, the water from his hair dripping onto your bare shoulders. He nearly growled as you stood in front of him, naked as ever, his gaze darkening before gripping the back of your neck to pull you to him.

As he sucked on your neck, you pulled down his suit with aggression, not quick enough for the hunger in both of your souls. His hot breath tickled your skin, his hands clawed at your hips, and his lips begged to kiss yours as you shoved him against the wall once again, skin on skin. He breathed heavily, his eyes dancing from your breasts to your waist, to your lips.

You gripped onto his hair, staring into his eyes for a moment before you locked your lips with his, tasting the saltiness of the ocean and the sweet warmth of his saliva. Your tongues fought for their lives, dancing as you deepened the kiss. Foreheads slamming, hands invading space. It was all over for your sanity the minute his long fingers glided against your core, his middle finger finding your clit and rubbing gently. His kisses were rough as his fingers delicately touched you, fueling the fire within you even more than it already was.

“Seonghwa,” you moaned against his ear, causing him to move his hand faster with a grunt. “Push them in me.”

He hissed, his eyes rolling back into his head as he pulled his hands away for a moment, only to suck his fingers in front of you before shoving them into you, curling them up inside you. You arched your back against him, crying out as his lips found yours once again.

He kissed you deeply as he made love to you with his hands, his fingers long enough to reach deep inside of you—but it wasn't enough. You bit his lip sharply as he fingered you, causing him to hiss in pleasure. “I need your cock in me. Now.” you licked his jawline, watching him squirm in your embrace. 

His cheeks were flushed red as he looked at you, his eyes looking as if he were intoxicated. “I…fuck,” he sucked in a breath, kissing you as his fingers moved faster and faster. “Okay.” 

As he pulled his fingers out of you, he licked them once more, his eyes on yours seductively. 

“You taste so good.” he moaned, his mouth parted. He then lifted you up, walking you over to the table of waxed surfboards in the middle of the room. Shoving everything off with one hand, he threw you onto the wood, causing you to let out a little grunt.

“You’re so sexy,” he leaned over you, slamming your hands above your head before silencing your moans with a rough kiss. “So fucking sexy, you have no idea how long I wanted to shove my dick inside you.” His words were like gasoline to your fire, causing you to cry out in a whimper for him to do exactly what he said he would do. You kept your mouth shut as he tugged you to the edge of the table, lining up his hard-on to enter you.

After a look of longing, he spit onto his fingers and rubbed them onto his cock and your heat, his chest falling and rising with his heavy breathing. He then buried himself inside you, deeply, causing your breath to hitch. He was even bigger than your dreams, tearing apart your expectations of his skills. You tried your best to free your arms from his hold, but as he moved in and out of you, you had lost the desire to escape it. You really liked the feeling of his fingernails tearing into your skin.

“Ah,” he whimpered, his hips rocking quickly, his eyes shut tight. His thrusts were deep, not slowing down for a second.

Your legs curled around his shoulders, his one arm holding your hands and his other piercing into your ankle. He grunted as he pumped into you, tearing at your insides, feeling him fill you up. “Hwa,” you groaned, back arching in pleasure. “Harder. Fuck me harder.”

He grunted in response, speeding up faster as his hips slammed into yours. You felt him quiver inside you, precum dripping into you without a care. You loved the feeling, you didn't care about the risks in the moment. 

You climaxed without warning, your legs tightening around his head. He kept muttering your name over and over again against you, kissing the skin of your ankles as he continued to fuck the living shit out of you. You started to see stars as he nearly cracked your spine, and right before he nearly came, he flipped you over onto your stomach without ever leaving you.

Your face was shoved against the wood of the table, the sweet smell of sex enveloping your senses. You cried out his name as he gripped onto your hips, moving faster as his own orgasm came close. His lips met the small of your back, his fingers gripped your ass with haste. 

“I’m going to come,” he mumbled, his voice raspy. “Can I come in you?”

“Yes,” you breathed. “Come inside me.”

As if your words stirred something within him, he immediately moved in shorter movements, his grip on your ass tightening as his orgasm came. His breathing shallowed as he came into you, filling you up with his cum. You let out one last moan as you felt his warmth, and he kissed the back of your neck as he finished.

He pulled out of you slowly despite how rough he was—he could've been rougher, but you didn't want him to think of you as the insane slut everyone thought you were.

Even though you only ever slept with others because you couldn't have him.

And now…..what comes next?

He helped you sit back up to a normal position, and when he saw the dark, purple bruises on your neck and collarbone, he gasped. “Oh, I’m sorry,” his fingers gently brushed against your hot skin as if he didn't just totally destroy you. “I kind of….went crazy, didn't I?”

You smiled up at him in a daze, both your cheeks blushed in embarrassment and enjoyment. “I like crazy.”

He paused, standing proudly in front of you with that delicious body of his. You sighed in contentment, a lazy smile on your lips. “I dreamt of this. Literally.” you reached out to him, pulling his lips down to yours. He kissed them softly, opening his mouth wide as he made out with you. You didn't want to pull away, but as the thought of you both having sex in a public surf shack came to your mind, you pulled away quickly, startling him.

“Um, so,” you laughed awkwardly. “Should we head back now? We are kind of in a public place….”

Seonghwa looked around, smirking as he leaned forward on the table, kissing you once more. “It was kind of thrilling, not gonna lie.”

You leaned into his embrace, his hands caressing your back romantically. “So,” you whispered against his lips. “We should get back. And this time, you better sleep in the bed with me.”

“Oh, baby, I plan on doing more than just sleeping.”

—

After countless rounds of ‘sleeping’, you ended up waking up late in Seonghwa’s embrace, his lips pressed against the curve of your shoulder as he held you. He quite literally rocked you all night long, and you even discovered his love for reverse cowgirl—making him come within two minutes of the fifth round.

Now, as you lay in his arms while he slept, you finally felt content. He was all you ever wanted, even though your words said otherwise this whole time of knowing him.

“Hey,” you turned around in his embrace, pressing your lips against his forehead. “Seonghwa.”

“Hm?” he grumbled sleepily, his eyes blinking open to meet yours. 

You smiled, running a hand through his messy hair. “We should get up. The others are probably waiting for us in the lobby.”

“Ugh, why?” he groaned, holding onto you tighter. “ I don't want to leave this bed today. Or ever.”

You giggled, pecking his lips. “Come on, Hwa. I really would like to get a tan on the sand today.”

His eyes were wide open now, but he blinked slowly from his sleepiness. “We barely got any sleep,” he huffed, shoving his head into your shoulder. “And I can't kiss you in front of everyone, I can't wait the whole day to touch you.”

You grinned chaotically.

“Who says we have to hide it?”

—

“Dear lord,” Wooyoung huffed, sitting with his arms crossed at the beach. “Are they ever going to stop and come up for air?”

Your friends sat on towels on the sand, while you sat on Seonghwa’s lap as you made out with him. His hands gripped your face as he stuck his tongue in your mouth, both of you having no care for those around you. 

“I knew this was going to happen,” San mumbled with a smirk, elbowing Wooyoung playfully. “Just let them have their fun. It’s been a long time coming.”

“Pfft,” Woo scoffed, looking at how seonghwa touched you.

 “I always thought I would be the one tapping that.”

“Wooyoung shut the fuck up.”

[just-your-average-tangerine]

So, a lot of people are talking on my 'people assume gay trans men aren't shamed for our sexualities' post about things like the transphobic use of fujoshi, and being called a straight girl, things of that nature.

Which is all very important, and so I'm not going to edit or add to that post. That post can be about that now. But that's not entirely what I meant, and I think this needs to be addressed as well so:

Cis gay men are shamed for their sexuality because men are "supposed" to be attracted to women, so being attracted to men deviates from that. Often, this shame and mistreatment starts young. Gay men grow up being taught that the attraction they experience is wrong, even before they're old enough to understand it.

And so people assume that gay trans men, raised as girls, aren't shamed in that way. We're attracted to the "correct" gender therfore there is no "deviance," and we're not treated as such. When that is, very often, not the case.

I've talked before about my joke that I knew I was a gay man before I knew I was a man. But I remember being 10 or 11 years old amd hearing my mothers very southern baptist friend who worked a museum in the park where pride was held, talking about "those men" and "how disgusting" it is and that she "wouldn't wish seeing that on anybody". And I remember sinking down in my chair, hoping no one saw me, because I knew she was talking about me. I didn't know what being gay was, I didn't know what pride was, but I knew that this thing she hated was me.

When I was taught that snapping a rubber band on your wrist is a good way to break a bad habit, I decided that I could "fix myself" by snapping the rubber band every time I felt even the most basic passing interest in the "wrong gender". Except, the interest I felt wrong about was my attraction to men. That's what I felt ashamed of, that's when I felt like I was doing something wrong. I would go through cycles of checking out a guy at the mall, feeling ashamed, snapping that rubber band, then realizing that was supposed to be right, forcing myself to check out girls, just to punish myself for it. By the time I started to accept my queerness, I convinced myself I was bisexual solely because I didn't feel like I was doing something wrong by being with a girl. It didn't appeal to me, I had no interest in being a relationship with a girl, especially not long term. But I wasn't ashamed of it, so it must be right.

I know so many other gay trans men who experienced things like this. And yet the assumption that we couldn't have this experience is used to deny us community with cis gay men on the grounds that we "just don't understand what its like to grow up gay."

[auraworkshop]

MY STORY OF SUCCESSFULY CONQUERING THE VOID STATE

Trigger warning: Sexual abuse, trauma etc.

I was raised in a loving and nurturing household. My childhood was hunky-dory and I remember myself as a bright and happy child, frolicking around in a carefree environment. I was pampered by a set of very loving and supportive parents. Alas, my protected bubble shattered, when at the age of 11, I went through sexual abuse and my life changed. The incident led to repressed anxiety, depression, and lingering PTSD for almost a decade.

I was sexually abused at the age of 11

Considering I was just 11-years-old when the heinous incident took place, I was too young to register the gravity or impact of such a crime. Revisiting the incident is still very painful. It happened about nine years ago, at an outstation wedding. I was sleeping alone in a hotel room, when the abuser entered my room and forced himself upon me. I remember distinctly how dark the room was. I was in a deep slumber and didn't realize that someone other than me was in the room as well. I wasn't able to respond or react, as I couldn't escape or stop the person. I was left in pain.

While I did inform my parents immediately, for some reason, the abuse and its record got shushed. My parents didn't want it to be made public or for it to harm my image in the society. Their response towards my trauma festered as a scar in the coming years.Living with depression, anxiety and PTSD As much as I tried to move on from that horrendous night, it kept coming back to me.

Unfortunately, I was too young to repair the damage. I began to feel lethargic and fatigued all the time. Something as small as brushing my teeth became a laborious task. I withdrew from merrymaking, public engagements, and activities that I had found joy in earlier. I failed to find any joy in life anymore.

I made many attempts. I think they started as a result of feeling unhappy with myself. All the failed attempts were a call for help and desperation. I felt helpless and alone and I couldn't dare to face the demon. I began to get triggered by even the mere mention of weddings. I think, my parents untimely and apathetic response to my suffering was the nail in the coffin-I lost trust in anybody whom I considered close. The replaying of the incident, over and over again, left my conscious and spirit bruised and broken. I became quiet and reclusive. This was when my life slowly started to change, as I found out about law of assumption and then the void state. After knowing that I can change my life completely through the void I tried every single night till yesterday to enter the void state at any cost. I was so desperate to get in. I slapped myself every night to enter otherwise my life would never change and I'll also be miserable. I did everything that can be done but still I saw no progress. I slowly started to get super jealous of other people's success stories. Everytime I saw a new void success story here on Tumblr, I would cry so hard and isolate myself. Yeah :) I was so Harsh on myself.

But, Then I found out about you and your subliminals and then about your paid custom subliminal and how magically they work, and yeah I was a bit hesitant to pay you for the subliminal as I got scammed by people so many times but all those success people got from using your subliminal boosted my motivation and trust in you! and see, my money was worth it!!

I listened to that sub on loop for 3 hours for 4 days continuously and the night of the 4th day I ended up in the void. It was instant and so effortless, it all happened so effortlessly. I never thought I would enter like this after beating, slapping, and isolating myself to enter.

Thankyou for helping me, thankyou for the hardwork you put in your subliminals, thankyou for your sweet and motivating words ♡

Bye to Tumblr, all my fav bloggers, anons and Aura.

Signing off...

Wow! You did a great job my girl, Your success story is truly a GEM.

Sorry for everything you went through, I LOVE YOU <3

And Thankyou so much for taking your time and writing this beautiful success story to all of us 🤍

[sinner-sunflower]

A HH Lucifer-centric AU 19/?

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 20, PART 21, PART 22

Hello!!! How's everyone's weekend?!

I had the most relaxing trip of my life. Me and my best friend went on a picnic and the place was so gorgeous I wish I was rich enough to have that kind of landscaping.

Anyway!

Here's my update. I hope you all enjoy.

As always: likes, reblogs, and ESPECIALLY COMMENTS are so appreciated and it honestly gives me motivation. We're near the end meaning this might end this week :((

Disclaimer: I did get some help with chat gpt for some paragraphs just to get my ideas across and also because English is not my first languagee. I edited them of course myself because u know how automated shit can be.

I'm learning I promise!

-------------------------------------------------

Every denizen of Hell held their breath in anticipation as each agonizing minute passed without a word from the King. Some feared he had met his demise the moment he entered, leaving them grasping at false hope. The Overlords pondered the same grim possibility but dared not voice it in the presence of higher demons.

Amidst the tension, the task of pacifying Paimon fell upon the Goetias, who found themselves ensnared in his relentless tirade about their illustrious King and their collective duty to fix Hell's problems, a duty he believed lay solely with them, not Lucifer.

The Sins, meanwhile, remained vigilant, their eyes fixated on the entrance through which Lucifer had disappeared, searching for any subtle sign of their brother's fate.

Satan, ever watchful, kept a peripheral eye on Goodie. The Good of Humanity had fallen into an unusual silence since Lucifer embarked on his suicide mission. Unlike the rest, she wore neither worry nor despair on her face, hell, not even of glee; instead, there was a knowing glint in her eyes the Sin of Wrath definitely did not like. He could only hope Lucifer emerges from all of this still himself.

At the very back, Vox stole a glance at his rival, noting the whatever-the-fuck thing he had with the King. He half-expected the radio demon to remain his usual apathetic self. And he was half right. The guy was smiling with no care in the world. Yet, to his surprise, a strained smile is etched the demon's face. It's not as noticeable but if you've been looking at Alastor as closely as Vox had been for the past how many years, it's like a giant pimple you can't ignore. There was a glassy look in his eyes, as if the radio demon is going to-

Vox wonders incredulously if his wiring got fried by that shockwave earlier because there is no fucking way.

The media demon is silently thankful he couldn't finish that thought as they are knocked down once more.

----------------------------------------------

It all unfolded in a blink, leaving them no time to respond. The ground quaked with a force that they realized was from the towering tree that's trembling before them. Roots and branches contorted, twisting inwards and outwards like a well-oiled machine, as if the very essence of the tree was tearing itself apart. Red flowers all around withered as the oppressive miasma dispersed. Then, with a thunderous crash, the colossal tree collapsed into a single heap.

The dust clears presenting a lone figure stands in the center of it all.

Belphagor: Lucifer!

There stood the King of Hell, his horns protruding proudly and his corrupted halo casting an ominous black glow. His six wings spread wide, a testament to his power and dominance. It was Lucifer. But... something seemed off.

The Sin of Pride appeared altered. His once pure white attire had transformed into black, adorned with accents of red. His porcelain skin, once flawless, now bore a grayish, melancholic hue. However, the most striking change lay in his hair—it was no longer the radiant gold of angels, but a sinister black with tendrils of creeping red, moving like of the deadly miasma.

Lucifer looked like a shadow of himself.

Before anyone could react, the fallen angel lunged towards Goodie, swiftly pinning her to the ground.

Lucifer: Ẏ̷̨̖̯͎̤͎͖̪̆̀̊͌͑̓̇o̵̻͗̔͊̃͘̚͠ṳ̸͎̍̊͗̌̈ ̵̱͙͇͛͑i̴̳͈̗̺͒̏̃̀̚͝n̸̢̧̖͖͚͉͙̤͇͆̃͛͊̿͛́̚͘s̸͇͚̱͍͈̤̘̒̂̈́̆͗̈̆ͅó̵̇̅́͜l̶͇̝̞̜̰̘͊̒͂̓͝ë̶̮͔̰́̀̑̔̽͊̐n̶̡̧̗̤̘̞̑̇̀t̴͙̲̳̦̦͎͔̠̔ ̵̮̰̞͐̌͌b̸̧͚̾i̴̧̜̪̳̤͔̹͉̦̇͠t̴͖̐̀̾̌̽̎̂̅͜ͅc̵̛̞̳͛̋̆̏͆̏h̷̟̺̬̗͗̉̓̍!̴͉̲̼̪͓̻̪̻̀̊ ̷͇͓̲̬͍̦̙̹͓̔̈́͊̇

Goodie chokes from the stench of hellfire on her skin.

Goodie: I never lied to you, angel. I told you that you were the key.

Lucifer: Y̷̢̘̻̩̲͐͋̐̌́́͝ŏ̴͎̌́u̷̟̯͋ ̶͔̝̘̓̈́̄̈́́̀̐ǵ̸͍͌͝͝á̵̧̫͔̤̘̹̓͗͂v̶̢͕̘̼̦̰̐ẽ̵̝̥͈̝̓͋̌̋͠ ̸̝͙̐̓m̵̩͖͍͒͌͛̔e̸̤̹̻̪͇͔̽̇ ̵̜̬̰̟̖̘͈̐̆̀á̸̻̜̬̫̝͇͚ ̷̢̗̠̮͊ͅf̶̡̩̟͘͝a̵̢͎͆k̷̲̰͓̤̐͌̽͐̿̕͠e̷̛̪̖̅̒̀̓͐͜ͅ ̸̭͙̫̂̚ͅs̴̩̝̺͕̲̯͒e̸̮͍̤̦̯̎̈́̔̌̇͌ä̷̳̖͓̒̕l̶̦̬̙̘̝̉̏̔̈́͆͘͠.̸̨͓͉͒̄̚ ̶͈͆̽̿̋̑̈̕T̶̗̹̱̞̭̩͉̍͆̀̚é̵̹̗͖ļ̶̜̬͍͓̗̿͑̾̋̏̕l̸̛̀̆̓̾ͅ ̷̡̗̼̀̿̓m̸̛̗̞͕̠̟ę̵̬̰̻̮͎̉̓ ̵̥̩̞̮͈͖̅̃̑͜͝ŵ̷͈̥͕̦̘̙̏h̶̝͈̬͖̲̯̝͊̓̕ȳ̴̱̓̄̎͝ ̵̛̣̭̘͔͋̏́̀̋I̵̡̦̬̬̫͓̭͆̍͌͗̍́̀ ̶̛͈͆s̵̛̗͙̙̭h̷̝͌͌͜͝͠ȏ̴̝̹̻͚̾́̃̔͘͝ư̸̮͓̰̖͔̙̇́͊̽̐̔l̶͙̟̙̣̮̱̞̂͌̏͗d̴̢͊͒̉̈ ̸̠̠̮̉̿n̴͚̯̜̫̊ō̴̡͉̪̥̗̹̲̽̄̀̕t̴̢̺̱̊̉̎̕͜͠ ̷̛̹̜̿͝ķ̴̻͚̙͔̈́͊̍í̸̥̼͕̮̾̿͌l̷̢͂̏͆͊̃͠l̷̡̨͎̪̝̖̱̽̽̓͐̀́̈́ ̷͖̿̋͛y̶̻̝̆͂͝ỏ̸̧̹͇̫̀̐̀̍͋̃ų̶̟̩͔͇̝͚̎̈́̑̕͠ ̵͍̃͗͠ẁ̷̝̟̥̰̘͎͒͛́͒h̵̦̜̩̬͋͐̋ė̶̃͜ṙ̸̡̧̟͉̻̬͚̅e̵̤̮̟͌̓ ̴̹͕̮͍̺̲͇̉y̴̨̛̪͛̍̓̏ô̴͔͍͉̅̈́̌u̴̙͖͖͎͐͛̒ ̶̟̙͍̖̭̃̌́l̵̙̽̈́̐͝á̷̡͔̞͈̜͎͒͌̑̐͝y̴̼̹̪̻̒̓̽̀̚?̴̛̻̘͈͍͕̒̃̀̓̏

Goodie: It was not a fake. Without it, you would have perished the moment you set foot in-ah!-side.

Lucifer: H̵̹̩̗̑̎̈́́̕o̷̘͝ẇ̷̢̨̛͇̞̝̦̠̎ ̸̯̹͋̃͑͘͝d̴͉̭̟̫̙̠͂à̶͎̮̝̺̺̥͙̓͛͂̒́ŗ̴̡̺̬̭̝̳̓̈́̑̍͝ĕ̷͓̕ ̸̺͈̖̣̳̃y̴̜̞͆͑̉͠o̴͓͋ủ̸͈͎̳̥͈̞̍̀͜ ̸̥̑͐̇̂̈́̐͝t̶͓͋r̶̼͠ỉ̸͍̻̫̩͍̓͌̍̄͝ċ̷̞̤̭̳̈́̓́̃k̶̖̹͙̋̓̑̀̅̔͊ ̵͙̠̻̜̎ͅt̵̛͇̀̑̀h̴̛̥͉̲̬̰͛̊̀̅͝e̵͇̮̫̟̗̍͊̓ ̶̰͎̟̜̗̈̋͂̓K̶̞͉̰̫̂͂̋͝ͅi̷̯̟̤̽͛̈͑n̵̬͙͑̉̍͊̕͠ģ̸͖͍̪̉͗̂͠ ̷̣̯͖̭̜̀ͅǫ̵̨̣̿̽̑͜f̶͔͖̬͐͌ ̸̼̅̿͒̎́Ḣ̴͎͕̳́ͅe̶̛̞̱̦͈l̴̡̲̯͔̰̱̂̅̀̄̈͗͋l̸͍̩̯̗̏?̴̯̥̭̦͙̃̏!̸̼̹͍͖͒̊̅̊̌̔̍

Goodie: Do not delude yourself. There was no chance that this could have ended differently.

Lucifer was heaving so much that Goodie could sense his energy waning. Seizing the opportunity, she managed to escape his clutches. Despite the danger surrounding her, (such bothersome loyalty) she couldn't resist letting out a chuckle, teasing the angel one last time.

Goodie: I gotta say, angel, I do like your new look. Corruption definitely suits you.

Lucifer: F̸̢̨͔̲͖̖̳͍̑̽͜U̵̼̪̰͈̟̜͙͌́́̅̈́̔C̷̢̯͓̘̬͖̝̎K̶̳̖͓̘̝̗̀̓̈́̾̉̾̾͊͠͝Î̶͇͕͚̪̭̎N̴͉̟͍̻͇̚G̵̠̲̰͈̖̎͂͋̾ ̴̧̥͕̹̭̘̜͍̟̎̂̔͗̋̿̒B̶̢̦̤̥͕͉͋̂͌́́͂̈̔͠I̸̗̭̼͊̐͂̀̈́̐̏̐T̸̠̹͓̮̱̻̹̯͉̦̍̔̽̍̄͌̆C̸͍̩̉̈́̈́̄͒̓͑̾͝ͅḨ̴̦̙͉̫̪̫̇̀̄̈́̋͘!

Lucifer then collapses to his knees, clutching his throat as if he's drowning in searing heat. Confusion and desperation fill his voice as he struggles for breath.

Lucifer: How? *gasp* why? *gasp* -trusted-

There's a flurry of movement around him, voices overlapping and blending into a chaotic white noise. Amidst it all, someone speaks with a commanding tone, their words cutting through the haze.

Alastor: Listen to only me, my dear.

There was a faint humming of music? Was Alastor here?

Alastor: I'm here, my Majesty. Calm yourself. You need not to panic.

He's trying, he really is. But his ears are muddled and he can't understand anything anymore. Everything is happening all at once, leaving him disoriented and terrified.

As consciousness begins to slip through his grasp, the Sin of Pride feels a sense of detachment. A new presence moves in front of him, accompanied by a chorus of apologies that echo faintly in his ears.

A cool sensation brushes against his fevered forehead, offering a brief respite from the overwhelming heat and chaos. And with that fleeting moment of relief, Lucifer succumbs to the darkness.

Roo: How fun~

--------------------------------------

Transformation central! (Transformation central!)

Reformation central! (Reformation central!)

Transmogrification central!

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC Lucien’s On Fire MQ translation + video with sub EN (Part 3/3)

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

This post contains a detailed spoiler for an MQ that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

On Fire MQ | Part 1 (1-2) | Part 2 (3-4) | Part 3 (5-6) | Moisturize ASMR

[Warning]: The content of this MQ is currently the most explicit compared to other dates and may not be suitable for individuals under the age of 17 (CN server). It is recommended that those who do not meet this age requirement refrain from proceeding beyond this point.

Part 3 & 4-> [Here]

✂———————–

[Subbed Video, TURN ON CC!]

✂———————–

—[Part 5]— Video Timestamp [31:11]

The kitchen is filled with all sorts of ingredients.

After studying a few recipes, Lucien starts by cleaning the vegetables one by one, arranging them neatly based on size and color.

I put the excess ingredients into the refrigerator and see him preparing to chop vegetables on the cutting board. His movements are meticulous yet unfamiliar.

MC: Do you want some help?

Lucien arches an eyebrow ever so slightly, then frees up one hand to pull me behind him, his voice gentle.

Lucien: Yes, then come closer and help me, okay?

I wrap my arms around Lucien from behind, adjusting his hand to control the force and posture of chopping vegetables.

MC: [smiles softly]...Are you sure about this?

Lucien: Mm, I'm not particularly skilled at this. This position makes it easy for you to correct me at any time.

I wrap my arm around him with some struggle. I can feel his heat seeping through our clothes, causing a slight warmth in my ears.

Unwittingly, I remember the first time I spent New Year's Eve with Lucien. He also once stood behind me and wrapped his arm around me under the pretext of learning to make dumplings.

MC: ...Then, I'll make an effort to not get distracted.

MC: It's better to cut in from this angle...

Two people working together noticeably accelerate the process. After the pot is ready, Lucien and I stand on either side of it, seasoning it together.

Seasonal vegetables lose their raw appearance in the sizzling hot oil, transforming into delectable dishes on the dining table.

MC: The colors are right, and the cuts are similar. At least in terms of appearance, we've perfectly replicated these dishes.

MC: I just wonder how they taste. These dishes look so good, they couldn't possibly be bad, right?

Lucien: They're definitely going to be delicious. After all, we made them together.

Lucien: However, in the coming year, I will try my best to break away from this lady’s help and lead this process independently.

MC: Hehe, it's okay if you don't break away.

MC: I'm happy to accompany you and enjoy this process together. Plus, occasionally being Professor Lucien's "guide", I couldn't ask for more.

Lucien glances at me with a smile on his face, then bends down to kiss me lightly on the eyes.

Lucien: [chuckle then KISS!!!!] Since I have your permission, I won't insist on proving myself anymore.

Lucien: In the days ahead, accompany me to tackle more complex menus.

At the dining table, Lucien picks up his chopsticks, slowly bringing each dish to his mouth. He chews carefully, seeming to savor the unique taste of each dish

Though it's just an ordinary lunch, he eats with exceptional seriousness.

Lucien: The change in cutting technique has a much greater impact on the crispness of the vegetables than I anticipated.

MC: It's subtle, isn't it? Even though the cooking method remains the same, just changing the cutting technique makes the texture much crispier!

Lucien: Hmm, it's also interesting to stew meat with fruits.

MC: Hehe, that's because fruit acids not only tenderize the muscle tissue but also blend in smoothly with the flavor.

Lucien: [chuckles] So, although all these dishes are delicious, I particularly enjoy the stew you've added your ingenuity to.

It's rare to see him provide detailed commentary on dishes beyond just "delicious", and I can't help but raise my chin in pride.

MC: I've actually made some observations before when cooking. Just a slight change in the dish can make a huge difference in taste!

MC: It's kind of like the difference between the front leg meat and the hind leg meat, very distinct!

Lucien's gaze, which was originally focused on tasting the dishes, shifts towards me. Under the lamplight, his eyes soften, as gentle as water flowing into a stream.

Lucien: This classmate's metaphors are always so imaginative.

Lucien: It seems like every inch of the world you perceive is so vibrant and intriguing—

Lucien: Just like these rich dishes, they can evoke a range of emotions and also spark inspiration.

I prop my chin up, looking at him with interest.

MC: If that's the case, then I also want to be the “fruit” in the stew, making Professor Lucien even "sweeter"~

MC: Every happy and interesting experience in my perception, I want you to experience them together with me~

Lucien's eyes soften, and he taps his knuckles gently on the table.

Lucien: [whispers] In that case, can we do something fun together right now?

My eyes light up, and I stand up, walking over to his side. I cup his face in my hands, smiling as we lock eyes.

MC: Of course, then... what do you want to do?

Before I finish speaking, Lucien's hand gently lowers my head, and he plants a light kiss on my lips.

Although it's just a gentle touch, and although the atmosphere isn't ambiguous, I feel my heart beating wildly due to the unexpected intimacy.

I look at him with a flushed face, seeing overflowing tenderness in his eyes, and a magnified reflection of myself.

Lucien: I want to thank this lady who “shares the world” with me.

Then, he leans down, slowly closing the distance between us—

Until our hearts and minds feel the same frequency, melding together into the gentle twilight.

As the last rays of twilight fall, Lucien invites me to experience the festival in this small town.

Lanterns adorned with festive decorations hang on the streetlights, and the air is filled with the scent of firecrackers.

As New Year's Eve approaches, there are already many stalls in the small night market, with couplets, paper-cut decorations, and various potted plants joyfully arranged together.

MC: These paper-cut decorations are quite ordinary, yet they're selling for two digits. They're not as pretty as the ones you've made, but I just bought something really nice!

I take out a box of pink, peach-shaped pastries and hand one to Lucien.

MC: "Longevity Peach Buns"~ Would you like to try one?

Lucien takes a bite, his brows furrowing momentarily as he examines the bun in his hand with a hint of skepticism.

Lucien: [smiles helplessly] I wouldn't recommend it.

Even Lucien, who isn't usually picky about food, expressed dissatisfaction with the bun, which piqued my interest.

I take a bite, and the dry bun with a hint of artificial flavoring fails to satisfy even basic taste expectations.

MC: Uh...!

MC: [unamused] Although it's not tasty, it does look festive... Let's just display it at home when we get back.

Lucien smiles and shakes his head, then picks up a set of spring festival couplets from a nearby stall.

Lucien: The wording on these couplets seems rather ordinary.

Lucien: I'm thinking, why don't we buy some raw materials and try writing our own couplets at home?

MC: Sounds good! Then when the God of Wealth arrives, he'll see that the couplets we've put up are heartfelt and sincere.

MC: If he's in a good mood, who knows, maybe we'll strike it rich~

From the "福" (fortune/blessings) character for the front door to the refrigerator and even the shoe cabinet, to the money tree for the entrance and the glowing little dragon...

As we chat and laugh, the bags we're carrying are already overloaded.

We load the bags into the car and return to our seats. Just as I start to fasten my seatbelt, Lucien pushes open the car door again.

Lucien: I suddenly remembered there's something else I need to buy.

MC: Then I'll go with you.

Lucien: No need, it's right nearby. I'll be back soon.

Before I could react, Lucien had already closed the car door and disappeared into the bustling crowd once again.

✂———————–

—[Part 6]— Video Timestamp [36:42]

(T/N: if you haven't watched the video, please watch it from this timestamp! The BGM choice + voice acting really help set the mood~)

MC: What did Lucien go to buy...?

Snacks, or decorations? Before my thoughts can stray any further, Lucien's figure returns to the car with bags in hand.

MC: You're back!

The car door is pulled open, and along with Lucien’s scent, the chilly wind brings in a subtle smell... of gunpowder?

Lucien: [chuckles] I bought some fireworks...

MC: Oh~

Lucien: And firecrackers.

MC: [surprised] Eh?

I widen my eyes and look into the bag. Besides a few fireworks, there are…

MC: O- one-thousand-firecrackers-rolls and firework rockets?

Seeing my reaction, Lucien satisfactorily curls up the corners of his lips.

Lucien: As an "experiencer," of course I must try some sufficiently exciting things.

The car, loaded with goods, returns to our courtyard. Lucien parks the car and, together with me, we unroll the long red firecrackers on the ground.

The long firecrackers snake around like a red dragon lying on the ground, almost covering the entire courtyard.

I hold the lighter, watching the fuse that is about to ignite the firecrackers and can’t help but feel nervous in my heart.

MC: Lucien, could you, could you wait a moment? I'm not quite mentally prepared yet!

Lucien: [chuckles] Then allow me.

Lucien seems to chuckle softly. Before I can react, he has already struck the match, and the flame dances on his fingertips.

The fuse instantly ignites, speeding forward like a shooting star. I quickly grab Lucien's hand tightly, pulling him away as we run.

The next second, the firecrackers erupt like an awakened dragon, emitting a thrilling roar.

My body instinctively tenses, and I hastily cover Lucien's ears while he does the same for mine.

(the way they instinctively protect each other instead of themselves :”…)

His broad palm reassuringly shields those startling explosions.

Despite the barrier, my hearing becomes even more acute, listening as the firecrackers "rampage" through the courtyard.

I look at Lucien, in the faint red glow, his face is coated with a shimmering warm light, and from beginning to end, his lips are always brimming with a smile.

The bright light swiftly dashes through the dark night. After the long-lasting thousand blasts fade away, the air in the courtyard seems to have turned red.

Lucien waves his hand in front of him, trying to dispel the pungent smell of firecrackers, yet the smile on his lips never falters.

Lucien: Whether it's from the sense of hearing or the sense of smell... The stimulation I'm receiving is far more excessive than I anticipated.

MC: Many things you just have to experience firsthand to truly feel them!

MC: Just like I've come to realize, besides with the beauty of fireworks, Professor Lucien and the firecrackers are also quite "compatible"!

Lucien raises an eyebrow and takes out all the remaining fireworks and firecrackers from the car.

Lucien: That sentence sounds like a stereotypical impression of "Professor Lucien".

Lucien: Fortunately, tonight happens to be a good opportunity for "out with the old, in with the new."

The night sky stretches endlessly, as dark as a piece of black velvet, while the courtyard ground is scattered with remnants of red firecrackers.

Lucien stands between the darkness of the night and the redness around him, with the match he ignites in his hand being the only source of light around.

This glimmer of light remains silent, yet always manages to ignite clusters of earth-shattering fireworks in my world.

So I walk towards him, and together we light up all these fireworks.

The light flies into the night sky, showering down gently, casting warm hues upon us.

And beside me, Lucien's smiling expression is just like the fireworks filling up the sky.

In the end, Lucien and I left a few fireworks unlit and returned to the car for warmth.

The distant sound of firecrackers can be faintly heard, with occasional fireworks lighting up the night sky, illuminating the scene inside the car.

We sit side by side in the back seat, enjoying a moment of tranquility after the playful revelry.

Bright light filters through the car window, casting ambiguous light and shadows on Lucien's face. I trace his profile, and my heart is filled with joy.

MC: Looking back, we've had a lot of fun in just a few days.

MC: Going to the home exhibition together, selecting ingredients and cooking together, wandering through the festival night market, and even setting off fireworks and firecrackers...

MC: I wonder how Professor Lucien feels about this "town trip"?

Lucien meets my expectant gaze, but instead of immediately responding, he ponders for a moment.

Lucien: I've thought of many different answers, many different adjectives.

Lucien: Happiness, warmth, contentment... Each word seems to encapsulate my feelings, yet they all appear a little shallow.

I listen earnestly, reaching out my hand to intertwine with his palm.

Lucien: Whether it's in the warm room, cooking together under the bright lights, or lighting firecrackers together and making "noise".

Lucien: At the moment of accomplishing these things, I have a vague feeling.

Lucien: These seem to be things I've never consciously longed for but deeply desire to do.

Lucien: And year after year, in the New Year, you've helped me realize these, even wishes that I myself didn't fully grasp.

Lucien pauses unusually as if carefully considering his words. After a while, he simply casts his gaze toward me.

Lucien: So if there's anything missing, it's that I want my little lady to feel my happiness.

MC: I've already felt it...

But Lucien gently shakes his head.

Lucien: I want to paint it more vividly for you. Not through carefully crafted rhetoric, perhaps not even by speaking.

(T/N: insert the solemn, melancholic, yet hopeful 5th anniv special theatre BGM 😭 if you've read this far and haven't watched the video, I’d actually beg you to watch 🥺 The timestamp is: [42:09] )

Lucien gently takes my hand and places it over his heart.

In an instant, the world quieted down.

With the familiar heartbeat in my palm, it feels as if the overflowing sense of happiness is also held within my grasp.

"Thump, thump," resounding as if echoing through the entire universe. And it speaks—

Lucien is very happy, very content with life.

And so am I.

At this moment, I seem to also taste the shallowness of "words", for no matter how many words are spoken, they can't fully express the deep love beating in my heart.

So I recklessly approached him, wanting to convey my most profound feelings to him.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, my fingertips threading through his soft hair, as I lean in closer, Lucien gently but firmly pulls me into his embrace.

The smell of gunpowder fills my nostrils, seemingly carrying the heat capable of igniting flames with it.

The lips merely brush against each other, then clinging lovingly and inseparably, unwilling to part ever again.

Our tongues entwine as if thirsting, drawing out every bit of sweetness, until our breaths become so chaotic that they can't be distinguished from each other.

Can a deep kiss express this love? Can a long embrace reveal the yearning in the depths of our hearts?

While thinking about all this in a daze, Lucien's whisper comes to my ear.

Lucien: [whispers breathlessly] Is this kiss enough to explain it all?

MC: Not enough...

I instinctively spoke out, not knowing whether I was answering him or telling myself.

Upon hearing this, with one arm still around me, Lucien unbuttons his shirt with his other hand, revealing his well-defined physique.

Lucien: [chuckles and whispers] Then tonight, I will lay bare all of myself to you, okay?

His eyes still carry a faint smile, but they are moist as if they've captured light, burning and deeply sincere.

I nod and kiss the corner of his eye, taking in all of him.

His warm lips carry a slightly wet sensation as they wander over my body, igniting my skin like clusters of flame.

The intimate and meticulous licking makes me feel like I'm about to melt, my body instinctively tensing up, sliding towards the only fulcrum.

Lucien: [noises of him eating… something, and sighs in satisfaction] ….

The fingers holding my calves suddenly tighten, pulling them wider apart. I sit back heavily and then whimper out in pain.

MC: [blushing] Lucien….

My voice comes out sweetly and aggrievedly, elongating the end of his name with a deliberate undertone. It sounds like pleading for mercy yet also carries a tacit demand.

The sound of muffled laughter reaches my ears, Lucien flips over to be on top of me and presses me down, kissing me on the lips.

Between the disorganized breaths, he murmurs something on the tip of his tongue.

Lucien: [whispers] Sorry, does it hurt a bit?

I nod, but in contrast to my answer, I thrust my hips upward, wanting to fit even closer to him. In the process, I almost hit my head on the car door, but Lucien protected me.

The decorations on my clothes roughly brush against Lucien's exposed skin as he moves, causing him to tremble lightly.

Lucien: [chuckles] These little decorations are a bit in the way.

Those words are much colder than his kisses, and I can't help but watch my heart beat faster as he gently picks at them and lets the decorations fall.

It's just that there seem to be more and more things that get in the way between us… the top, the belt, and the skirt, they all seem a bit unnecessary.

The car's air conditioning blows dry, warm air, dispersing the remaining traces of coldness on our skin.

The moist sensation behind my ears makes me feel like I'm lying on a stream, his voice, hoarse and low, reveals a fervent longing.

Lucien: [hoarsely] Now, can you understand this feeling clearly?

My heart beats fiercely, and within my hazy consciousness, I seem to hear the emotions hidden behind Lucien's questions.

Instinctively, I tighten my arms around his neck and wrap my legs behind his waist. My hand gently caresses him.

MC: I think... I still need more time to understand.

MC: This is what you want too, isn't it?

Lucien’s laughter-tinged voice drifts into my ears.

Lucien:  [whispers followed by more wet kiss noises] The night is still very long.

The ambiguous warmth inside the car envelops us like the steam of a hot spring, carrying us into the clouds.

It seems there are small trinkets on the dashboard that can't withstand the shaking, but we are too preoccupied to notice.

Unintentionally, someone presses the car window button, and the distant sound of fireworks leaps into our ears.

Tiny snowflakes land on my outstretched arms, only to be melted into droplets by the heat.

"Splat," "splat."

This night, when the old days and the new years merge, we seem to need a little more warmth.

--———FIN————–

✂———————

[Bonus: some h-word translation notes before afterword because I don't want to ruin the beautiful smut with my dumb commentary]

Lucien: [whispers] Sorry, does it hurt a bit? I nod, but in contrast to my answer, I thrust my hips upward, wanting to fit even closer to him. In the process, I almost hit my head on the car door, but Lucien protected me.

(T/N: this sentence implies that the pain is not from her sitting back but… him fitting inside *cough*)

The car's air conditioning blows dry, warm air, dispersing the remaining traces of coldness on our skin.

(T/N: this description implies that they are both already completely undressed at that point. To counteract the chill from being unclothed, the warm air conditioner is turned on :>)

✂———————

[Afterword, rambles and highlight(s)]

⎯ Just like how sunlight helps plants to grow, love nurtures Lucien's growth over the years.

Even after 6 years, Love and Producer still have such a talented writing team that never FAILS at making us feel h-word and cry at almost the same time ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽. This date is not angsty in the traditional sense, in fact, the date in general is so sweet and full of daily life. But the end really punches you just right in the feelings ESPECIALLY with the 5th anniversary special theatre BGM.

Honestly, it’s hard to explain why this date is so good and makes many CN stans cry by the end of the date. It’s… something that you can experience only if you know him for so, so long. It's something that can only be felt by witnessing his growth from the moment you first 'met' him until now. The feelings of observing someone you've ‘nurtured’ with love and care for years finally blossoming into the most colorful and unique 'fireworks' you've ever witnessed… they’re really hard to describe.

But anyway, before this essay turns into an analysis of "The Little Prince" and Lucien, let’s talk about the date, shall we? If last year's date theme was along the lines of "accepting yourself and your emotions from the past," then I predict that this year's theme seems to be about "experiencing and living the present"; and this is such a fitting theme for Lucien. Why? Because as a character, before he met the MC, he was simply an "observer" instead of a “participant”, curiously observing and experimenting on everything around him, and yet never really ‘participates’ and ‘experiences’ in it.  However, thanks to MC, he has begun to actively participate in the hustle and bustle of the world, experiencing many things that have made him more vibrant and ‘alive’. This transition from ‘observer’ to ‘participant’ is cleverly depicted in this date by making him into a participant in the experiments with MC, rather than solely being the experimenter as usual.

This date as a whole centers around two important things, experience and emotions. While the relationship between experience and emotion can be complex and multifaceted, the way I get it from this date is that; if ‘experience’ is more about the ‘input’ that we get from our senses, then ‘emotions’ are the ‘output’ of our experience. In other words, experiences provide the stimuli that trigger emotional responses. Both experience and emotions are important things for us humans; together, they contribute to our ability to fully engage with and appreciate the present moment, rather than simply going through the motions of survival… They’re also two things that Lucien has been learning over the years.

First, let’s talk about experience, when our observer scientist sheds his lab coat and removes his glasses, he transforms into an ordinary person sincerely in love with you and deeply experiencing love. This date depicts how he experiences love in the warmth of everyday life, and amusingly, it almost makes this date feel as if MC and Lucien are newlyweds on their honeymoon ahah. From shopping for furniture for their new home to encountering silly and unexpected problems that the organizer throws at them (just like how everyday lives always throw problems at us lol), to grocery shopping and cooking together, and cough even the fact that they’re basically ‘on fire’ everyday cough— The grocery shopping parts are especially funny (with just Lucien being Lucien lol)... and cooking scene is just chef kiss. It's really endearing to witness how he adapts to homemaking tasks in his unique way, all because of his love for you.

Still on the topic of ‘experience’; do you know that both of the more descriptive spicy scenes are part of the plot? First, the spicy domming ‘guiding’ scene. In that scene, MC guides him to focus on what his senses told him instead of giving processed answers. And this seems to work because, throughout the date, you can notice him developing more opinions on things based on his senses as he experiences everything. Previously, because he never slowed down and always looked far ahead (See also, his Summer UR MQ, recent CN birthday date and story for more in-depth digging about this theme-), he never fully ‘experienced’ life. But with MC's guidance, her “sharing the world” with him, he starts to perceive the world around him more keenly. This transformation is evident in tasting scenes and fireworks scenes, where he earnestly uses his senses to taste their cooking, hearing the loud firecracker noises, and smelling the scent of gunpowder. She doesn’t only ‘bring’ color to his monochrome world, but also the taste, smell and noises of the world around him as he experiences the present. All these stimuli make his world no longer feel ‘silent’ to him. Sometimes, loving him feels like pulling a ‘god’ from his pedestal to experience the lively and ordinary life of mortals. Perhaps he loses some of his ‘invincibility’ (like for example, that causes him to fall for consumerism trap lol), but in this way, he becomes more alive and real.

Then about emotions. The initial discussion about emotions centers around “emotional synchronization” between lovers, setting the stage for exploring how MC and Lucien perceive and handle each other's emotions. Just as MC accepts all of Lucien's emotions, whether they be sadness or happiness [referencing Lucien’s CN birthday date in 2023], Lucien reciprocates by accepting all of her emotions. Lucien demonstrates emotional stability and maturity as a partner, creating an environment where MC feels no need to restrain her emotions in his presence. He is fond of and intrigued by her colorful range of emotions (and a bittersweet reminder of how her moods affect her “color” in his eyes ahah:”””). This highlights their curiosity and fascination with understanding each other on a deeper level.

For them, all human emotions are important, but MC initially wanted Lucien to feel more positive emotions. With the concept of “emotional sync” in mind, she promises to convey more positive emotions for him, inadvertently restraining her own emotions in the process. However, during their time together in the small city, she learns that even so-called “negative emotions” have value. Despite facing challenges or "troubles," both characters find joy and support in each other's company. MC finds Lucien's moments of vulnerability endearing, while Lucien appreciates MC's encouragement and companionship. They both come to acknowledge the natural ebb and flow of emotions in their relationship, realizing that some negative emotions are far from being detrimental; it’s simply part of their day-to-day life. Those emotional fluctuations are just a very small part of their overall happiness~

ALL THE FEELINGS FROM THE SECOND EXPLICIT SPICY SCENES SUCCESSFULLY MADE ME CRY. Experiencing all sorts of things with her during experiments and everyday life … even things and wishes that he never consciously longed for yet always wanted:

许墨很快乐,很幸福

The meaning of these words are difficult to render accurately in English, and my “Xu Mo/Lucien is very happy, very content with his life.” are just barely scratching the surface… While 快乐(kuài lè) refers to a more transient or temporary feeling of happiness and joy, often related to a fun event, 幸福 (xìng fú) encompasses a profound and enduring sense of happiness and contentment in life. It signifies a state of well-being that extends beyond momentary pleasures, often associated with having a loving family, spouse, fulfilling relationships, and a sense of overall satisfaction with one's life. So when combined, it emphasizes the fact that while experiencing all the ups and downs of the world with her, Lucien is not only feeling immediate joy and pleasure ("快乐"), but also enjoying a deeper, more lasting sense of happiness and fulfilment ("幸福"), he is both happy in the moment and all of his life. By slowing down and deeply experiencing each moment of their shared life, he discovers his own happiness and longing that even he himself never knows about. So, he wants her to experience every bit of his happiness and love that has blossomed because of her… candidly and unrestrainedly wants her to experience all of him.

In another vein, LOVE IS A VERB, NOT A NOUN!!! It's a continual action, continual choice, continual promise to another person. And no matter how many words are spoken, both of them can't fully express the deep love beating in heart. So, when words are too “shallow” to even capture a fraction of deep love and happiness, he can only confess them through instinctive actions, recklessly pouring out his heart in every embrace, every kiss, and every touch. And yet, the question still stands, Can a deep kiss express this love? Can a long embrace reveal the yearning in the depths of our hearts? They’ve done everything, yet it still feels not enough, and perhaps… it will take a lifetime of shared experiences and ‘confessions’ to fully reveal the depths of his love and longing for her.

AND SPEAKING OF CHOICE(S), the BGM choice for that last spicy scene is freaking genius!!! It comes from 5th-anniversary special theatre“The many choices of life” video (You can check it on my YT!). This special video is all about the power of your/MC’s choice. I want to highlight the first “what if” scenario. The first “what if” is about what would happen if she had chosen to not meet Lucien.

In this scenario, the narrative explores what would have happened if MC hadn't met Lucien. Without their encounter, Lucien would still be questioning and seeking understanding from the world around him. He would have found another path, albeit one that didn't involve her, dedicating himself to searching for the 'most optimal solution.' However, his world would remain black and white, indifferent to whether there were people who tried to understand him and care for him :”. Anyway, by using this as a BGM choice, it accentuates the power of your/MC’s choice in shaping him being the way he is right now; while still running on the path to explore truth with dedication, he also finds happiness and contentment along the way because of her choice.

In conclusion, Lucien’s writers never fail to captivate us and deliver top-tier writing! This date highlights the importance of experiencing life fully and embracing all emotions, while also underscoring the transformative power of love~ His writers really excel at utilizing his character to its fullest potential. I can go on and on, talking about all the small details and references on this date but this UR won’t be published any time soon if I do LOL. If you’ve read so far, thank you for reading this date and my rambles~

[pauking5]

Addicting Taste ~ Chapter 1 ~

Ongoing Series

Synopsis: Enishi Yukishiro was on a mission to execute his piece de la resistance. A plan to avenge his beloved sister. Until you showed up, rattling open the icy closed gates of his heart. Will you be a part of his downfall or will you try to save him?

Pairing: Enishi Yukishiro x fem reader oc

Genre: strangers to lovers, sunshine and grumpy, slow burn, a lot of fluff, occasional smut, angst by the bucket

Words: 6.7k +

A/N: I couldn’t hold back anymore and had to make a fic for Enishi. It won’t exactly follow the Rurouni Kenshin timeline for now but it will later develop into it. This is the first chapter in the series with more chapters coming. It is a reader insert as I couldn’t help but indulge myself in it completely. Powered by Mackenyu’s outstanding portrayal of Enishi’s character in Rurouni Kenshin: The Final, I hereby present you a story ripped from the figments of my mind. I hope you’ll love their story as much as I do. Enjoy lovelies, Paula.

Also thank you @eureka-its-zico for supporting me with this and getting me writing again 🫶

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Bonus Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11

“Just how stupid are you?”

A loud smack echoed in the room upon connecting with his cheek, heavy rugged palm twisting his face to the side. He clicked his jaw menacingly, facing forward once more with another devilish smirk.

“You thought you could just get away with it?”

Another heavy punch collided with his face, this one making him drop to his knees. He might have been kneeling, completely at the mercy of someone with much more power in command, but this show of authority trying to assert him into submission did absolutely nothing for him.

Lest the displeasure of being Shanghai's commander in chief's unexpected catch of the night. Maybe even the catch of his whole career.

“You’re a fool.”

Heard that one before, he prepared to spit out like burning acid crawled out of his throat.

Just as the rims of his mouth opened to let the words out, he got cut off by an uppercut digging hard under his chin, throwing his body backwards. He tasted iron on his lips. The force of the blow made blood pool in his mouth surprisingly. He didn't think the old man capable of this much damage but as it turns out he had a thing for facial damage. A pleasure Enishi wanted so badly to return.

Spitting it out through clenched teeth at the side, staining the limestone carpet with crimson splotches to redecorate the man's office with a little color. He would've added other shades of red to the whole carpet, rounding it up on each and every shimmering golden seam until everyone in the room contributed. If only his hands were not bound behind his back, constricting most of his movement.

The man standing tall before him left his face full of cuts and bruises. But that was the least of Enishi’s worries right now.

Many months were spent tracking down the biggest shipment of weapons set to leave Shanghai for Kanagawa. Tonight, Enishi’s men were supposed to rob the storage by the docks completely dry before the ship set sail in the morning with empty cargo. But it turned out to be a harder task than it was intended to be.

He couldn't tell where it all went wrong.

Was it just bad luck? That would've been a first under the remarkable security he had around the area.

Was it a tip-off from the inside? Highly unlikely. If that was the case, he would've smelled the motherfucker who chirped before they even thought it possible to cross him.

Whatever it was, changed the course of the whole plan, rendering it nothing short of a total fail.

That fail was also what led to his current position - with his hands tied roughly behind his back, bloody with his patience running thinner with each breath, lying on the floor of the most secure precinct in Shanghai.

A few hours ago

“These dumplings are amazing,” you sighed happily, munching on three baozi dumplings at once.

The lady vendor grimaced at you. Well, less at you and more at your clear lack of manners since you were practically inhaling the soft dough before it even landed in the palm of your hands like a famished grizzly bear.

Leftover crumbs decorated the edges of your lips as you chomped down on the dumplings. You forgot all about etiquette when the food literally melted in your mouth. Heaven was definitely found in food and not in the afterlife and these little desserts were the very proof of it. Your stomach also agreed with that claim every time your mouth touched dumplings in any shape, form or filling.

Who could resist those plump, freshly made babies?

Not me. Ya'll stay safe though.

A little boy walked by with his mother when he caught sight of the dumpling cart. He ran to the cart gluing his face to the glass to watch the lady work the next batch. His breaths fogged up the glass as he gaped at the steaming dumplings in awe and adoration. But when he turned his head and saw the way you were devouring the small pastry like a goblin from the woods his face turned to pure disgust.

What do you want child, you muttered, cheeks filled with the new cherry filling you were trying out. He said nothing, continuing to stare you down as if you had some unresolved business with him.

You were getting annoyed by his staring, so you shot the little boy a slightly threatening look in hopes he would turn back to watch the magic dough rather than try to make enemies with you. Instead he started crying, running off in the direction he came from. You watched until he got tinier and tinier, disappearing somewhere in the depths of the street.

His mother watched the whole exchange from behind you. Upon meeting her burning gaze, she regarded you with a condescending look then followed after her child.

You turned back to your dumplings, chewing slowly in guilt. It wasn't your fault children had the temperament of the unpredictable weather forecast. The vendor lady did not seem to share your opinion, pinning you with an icy authoritative glare typical of her generation. The one that usually scared off the youngsters.

“Can you leave before you scare all my clients away?” she said, irritated with the fact that you’ve been hogging her cart for the past half an hour and you didn't look like you would be leaving anytime soon.

“Listen lady, I am your only client. Plus, I could buy your whole cart if I wanted to. Just let me enjoy these,” you said with your mouth full, reaching for another bag of dumplings on sale. She smacked your hand away, looking down at the bags you were already holding safely on your chest.

“I’ll be the one leaving then," she hissed as she started to put away the steaming buns away and gathered all her tools, folding the cart faster than you could catch up to her. "You might spoil my dough from raising if I stay here any longer,”

“Wait! You can’t just leave -"

By the time you yelled after trying to stop her from leaving with the heaven-sent goodies, she was already gone. Old ladies really are a different breed these days, you thought. Cooking, knitting and chit-chatting were activities that seemingly didn't provide them with enough soul sucking out of people to their heart's content.

Anywho, there went your only meal for the day. At least it was a nice filling one to last you some time and kick in some energy your body desperately needed. You looked down at your stomach with a sigh, patting in a comforting manner before you turned to go on your own way.

The crisp air of mid-October made its presence felt as an icy gust blew against the sleeves of your cotton dress making the material flutter and fill you up with cold air. Your attire was nothing short of inappropriate for the lingering cold season, but the leather bits, like the corset laced up over your chest or the pants under it, kept a fraction of warmth with you.

The chilly weather made it harder to do any jobs, take out hitlist services not requested as much in this period of time. Rage requests usually came with the hot scorching summer rather than the fall of the first autumnal fog. That meant you never knew where your next meal would be coming from most of the time, so you powered through with anything you could find. Though your money was slowly running on empty, you always made sure to keep some aside for your delicacy cravings.

Only mad people walked the streets of Shanghai, the city of all things food confectionery, without indulging in at least one treat from the vendors. Broke or not, you emptied your pockets here on good measure.

There was a downside to all good things in life.

The once bustling street, buzzing with chatter and sizzling pans where savory and sweet scents danced in the air, turned awfully quiet with nightfall. It was the norm in this part of the city. Vendors were quickly packed away and activity was slowly coming to a halt in the wake of the coming night. Any normal person in these parts would know that being on the streets when the last flicker of daylight disappears wasn’t safe in the slightest.

Who would want to be out in the dark with the Shanghai mafia having a full blown war with the commander in chief on the streets until the early hours of dawn? Definitely no one in all faculties of the mind or at least some.

Clutching the rest of your dumplings closer, you made your way down the narrow pathways circling the outskirts of the city. As you padded the cobblestone road, windows hatched closed, doors shut and all light dimmed to ward off danger. The people of Shanghai lived in fear of this war every night. You did too. But at least you had weapons and could defend yourself in case of anything.

The place you resided in for the time being was just a hop down from the city docks. It was a modest room at the top of an abandoned jewelry shop, furnished with a desk, a small wardrobe, and a corner to store the little belongings you carried around. It was not the comfiest nor the safest place in the world, but it provided a space to roll your futon for the night and that was as good as anything.

The bags in your hands shuffled with each step you took. You cast a look at the buns, the delicious smell still wafting up to your nose even as they were covered and tucked inside the paper. On impulse, you bought a bunch of different flavors with all kinds of fillings you haven’t tried before. Just thinking of taste testing all of them made your mouth water and your step quicken with happy strides.

Whilst getting lost in your pastry daydreams, you were shaken back to earth by persistent yelling. As you were making your way further down to the docks, more agitated shouting ensued and the quick pace of your walk slowed down. You were far away from the entrance, unable to really see anything, but the growing commotion piqued your curiosity.

It wouldn’t hurt to take a closer look, right? It's in the way anyway, you shrugged.

Inching closer to the side of the docks entrance, you hid behind an abandoned fishing boat perched up on empty fishing crates. They might've been rusty from being left outside for god knows how long but they still smelled like few days old catch that went off. Ignoring the horrendous smell and tucking your petite form well enough so you wouldn’t be spotted, you looked over the edge of the boat to see what was going on.

Moving your eyes around you counted about twenty masked men, all dressed in black with swords attached to the hip. Mercenaries. You didn't need to see more than the blades and their eyes to be able to tell they were possibly wanted people.

Most of them were frantically rushing in and out of the biggest storage on the other side, holding cases filled with… guns?

As more of them came out you realized it wasn’t just guns - there was long and short range artillery, fuses, even more blades and all kinds of artisanal bombs. It looked like the place to be for pyromaniacs and sadists. Depending on which category took your fancy, there was something for every sin you wanted to commit, from arson all the way to testing out painful killing methods.

Whatever these guys were planning was nothing short of mass destruction.

“We’ve secured all the weapons, Master,” a shushed voice spoke in Japanese from your right. He came closer, standing right in front of the boat you were using as a hiding spot.

He looked about half a person in height. If a wild gust of wind blew his way he would most likely topple over and become dust. Besides that, what caught your attention was the unsure nature of his Japanese accent. He definitely wasn't Japanese but whoever he talked to just now was because they replied in a grave pronounced tone, one hundred percent of Edo origin.

“Good work,” said a deeper voice from the left as he approached too. The way he spoke those simple words was enough to make tremors run down your spine in sheer thrill.

Weird, you shook them off trying to get a better view of the owner of the voice. A curly, tangled mop of white hair entered your vision. The roots were darker than the silvery ends shimmering in the pale blue moonlight.

Damn, this guy was long overdue for a haircut. And a hair dye session. Who was this gramps?

Trailing your eyes further down you took in his sturdy physique that was outlined through the clothes he was wearing. Wait. This is no gramps body. You could tell he was trained in some kind of martial arts. No one just walked around with heaps of muscles like those. You could easily draw a map of the world between those wide shoulders if you focused hard enough on just what lay beneath those tight, crunched up cotton creases- Snap out of it, Miyu.

The loud crash of crates rattling to the floor brought you back to reality. You weren't supposed to be there, eavesdropping and peeking like a spy when these people could probably cut you to pieces in one breath.

I need to get out of here ASAP.

You couldn’t risk getting caught and brought in by the commander in chief. If he wasn’t alerted yet he sure got wind of things by now. That man definitely has mutant senses. You didn't need to get caught by this mafia either because from the looks of it they definitely were part of one.

The last thing you needed was them catching wind of your location. You've spent so long staying under the radar and now was not the time to advertise your whereabouts like you were the main specialty on sale in the morning newspaper.

I am void. I don’t care. I haven’t seen anything.

I am not getting involved with this.

Repeating that mantra several times in your head in order to calm down, you had to figure out a way to sneak out as smoothly as possible without alerting anybody. Not even a fly and especially not the strong muscular white mop of hair who hasn’t moved at all from his spot right in front of you. He was probably one of those people gifted with extended field of vision that could see the world in one side to side look like a bird, so any move or choked breath of yours would fall on his alarm sensors instantly.

After a quick scan of your surroundings, you came to two viable options that would help you avoid getting skewered: going left, straight through the docks and to your hideout located just on the other side; or going right, having to circle around the whole city to get back.

It wasn’t hard to figure out which one was safer. You’d rather go around the whole city as many times as you needed if it meant staying away from whatever they had planned. You just had to wait for the right time to make your way out.

Any minute now...

The two continued supervising the undercover operation, not once moving away. Not even one accidental turn of their heads somewhere else.

More like any day...

If you didn't know any better, you'd think they picked up on your scent and were just waiting for you to breathe through the wrong nostril before they jumped you. The singular possibility of that drenched your spine with cold drops of nervous sweat. You've done the stake out thing a million times before, but this one was somehow so different - gut twisting in churns and knots like you took a hit of deja vu different. Like disaster waited patiently at those rusty gates to catch and cradle you sweet like a lover from the very moment your eyes first laid on the docks tonight.

After an agonizing long while, the two men blocking your view finally moved, heading towards the rest of their squad on the other side of the docks. That was your chance. All you had to do was get set, lift your ass from the floor and sprint the hell out of there before someone caught you and made you fish food.

If only things would play out like that but they rarely do for normal people.

Raising to half your height, trying to keep cover behind the boat, you turned to the right. In your rush to escape, you missed a teeny tiny key detail that was in your way to freedom - a dark brown fishing cord extending from the boat to the other pile of empty crates behind you.

You didn't see it in the darkened confined space around you and if you did, you took notice of it too late, barely making it two steps before your leg tangled in it and you were falling face first to the hard concrete floor, taking the crates behind with you. Disaster caught up to you, smiling sickly at your futile attempt to escape so easily.

The steaming buns you tried so hard to keep close spilled all over the ground in the process. That was the least of your worries. What should've worried you was that you just made the loudest sounds known to man that were probably heard under the sea. The clangs from the metal cages rattling on top of each other before crashing to the ground with a thud, rolling into other piles like rumbling waves of a raging sea, echoing deafeningly in your ears.

Once they stopped, the loud screeching of the crates was replaced by the loud beating of your heart with the realization that your body was halfway exposed to the other side of the docks. In full view for anyone to snap your details. The danger alarm rang multiple times in your head but your body just refused to move.

There was nowhere for you to run without getting caught now.

I’m. so. fucked.

“What was that?” growled one of the masked goons on the other side.

Mophead stopped in his tracks, muscles in his back contracting with impending doom. He turned around swiftly, faster than a wild feline, locking eyes on you. Lifting your own gaze from your uncomfortable spot on the floor, you connected it with his. You choked on a breath caught halfway in your throat before it could reach your lungs.

Dark black eyes akin to predators that lurk in the dead of night pierced yours. They screamed murder. The ‘chop you apart for funsies’ kind of murder, in a silent, more maniacal and lethal manner than serial killers normally sported.

But something about those eyes caught you off guard. He was just a few feet away. Close enough to reach for you and squeeze the life out of you. Close enough to catch the blue hue outlining his pupils. Something about those eyes, though eerie and downright terrifying, awaking every urge to take off to safety, was so oddly familiar that it froze you in place.

Where have I seen these eyes before?

He seemed to be stuck in his own reverie, fixed on your own for a good while. A tilt of his head could only signal his confusion to your presence. Or was it recognition? It could be both.

You don’t even know how long you were both stuck soul searching each other until the roaring sound of gunfire descended down on the docks.

Breaking your staring contest apart, you frantically craned your head behind trying to locate where the firing came from. Then it dawned on you.

The commander in chief is here. Knowing him, he was just waiting for his cue to shine like the superstar pawn of the government he is.

Mophead set off in your direction, most likely to grab you, but he only managed to take a step before bullets lined up a few feet in front of him. With a low grunt, he spared you one last deadly stare marking you as a new enemy to his possibly extended list before retreating back to his gang.

The bullets flew closer and closer to your spot and the intense smell of gun powder filled your nostrils. This was your cue to exit stage. In any direction at this point.

You got to your feet in seconds, saving what was left of your steamed dumplings and made a run for it. A few bullets narrowly grazed the low ends of your dress but you quickly made it to the safety of a dark alleyway close by.

Checking on your precious dumplings in the crumpled paper bags, you saw most of them were unharmed and let out a breath of relief. Then you cursed yourself for leaving your weapons on your neatly folded futon the one time you could actually make use of them.

The blaring gunshots halted all of a sudden. The docks were quiet again. Way too quiet. Strange. Did they run out of ammo this fast? I thought the police got endless resources in that field. Nevermind that, the mob had thousands of them at hand, itching for a little assembling and bullets. A showdown between a gang and the authorities couldn't have just ended this fast. Something felt off.

You made sure the shadow of the brick wall covered you whole before peering over to the docks from the corner of the alley. Assessing the situation, you noticed that half of mophead’s party was shot down by the commander’s force. Blood was everywhere, splattered on the cement from the entrance as far as you could see. Possibly all the way to the other end of the pier. Big and burly bodies that were swarming the warehouse and executing orders just moments ago, now laid lifeless next to and on top of some of the crates filled with weapons. Some of them managed to flee the scene when the firing started, abandoning ship cowardly. The rest of them that were still alive and kicking were captured and put in restraints to be taken into custody, together with their leader who must have been a ticking bomb of rage on the inside by now.

The more you looked at it, you didn't take him for someone that would get caught so easily. He gave the impression of the superior kind of thug. The type that calculates and plans until all doubts, variables and collaterals were executed off the table.

Something didn't add up.

What is really peculiar was that this part of the harbor was not even on the open side, clearly to make the storing of arm supplies as reclusive as possible. But anyone who wanted a hit and run, quick and fast, could flee the scene absolutely undetected under the safety of nightfall. The only way you could get caught was if someone chirped like a hummingbird, loud and close to the commander's ear. You nearly giggled at the possibility until you took another look down at the pier and all amusement in you dissipated.

Maybe it was the smug look on the commander’s face as his men rounded up the thugs. Or the way most of his force came out from what looked like stationed places at the other end of the docks entrance. Even the sure nods the officers shared as they shoved the last of the goons to their knees behind their leader.

It almost seemed like they knew mophead and his crew were going to be here tonight, set on stealing the armament.

No way.

Was this a set up?

Back at the precinct

Enishi was fuming.

Things went sideways too quickly for his liking tonight. The only feasible explanation was that someone talked and he was going to make sure they weren’t seeing the light of day under his watch. Once he made it out of the shithole he was currently held in that was. Which seemed to be somewhere in the far future.

The old man ceased his relentless show of authority punches, changing the plate for questioning, trying to intimidate Enishi. Too bad. Having the man breathe opium smoke in his face did not phase him at all.

“I’m going to ask again," sneered the commander, puffing up his chest with another intake of the drug. "Why were you stealing weapons?”

His patience was running thin, beyond irritation, showing in the way the veins on his neck strained. But he could press on as much as he wanted. Enishi wasn’t going to give him shit.

“Either you talk or your good for nothing squad will suffer in your place.”

He really thought he did something with that line. Those men were disposable. The real ones waited back at the base. He wasn't mad to deploy them for a mission that was supposed to be easy. But this was probably the last time he employed outside resources for a mission.

“I don’t give two flying fucks about them,” spat Enishi. He hoped some of the drops of blood flew to land on the commander's face.

That geature only earned him another punch, this time deep to the stomach. The guards who were holding him let him drop to the floor, more blood dripping on the side of his mouth.

The commander handed his pipe to one of the officers, discarding his coat on a chair before letting his fingers work to roll the sleeves of his shirt up. He moved around his golden desk furniture with the grace of an old dragon, aware of the ways of the world. That was what he wanted his assailants to believe. Truth be told, he was nothing but a puppet for the higher ups.

“I guess I’ll have to beat it out of you then,” said the commander, cracking his knuckles.

Bracing for the commander’s punishment, his thoughts wandered somewhere else. Not to the mission. Not to the missing weapons. Not to his men. But to the girl who was there tonight, hiding behind the boat.

He wasn’t stupid. He sensed someone was eavesdropping from somewhere. It just wasn't in his benefit to do something about it when they weren't showing up to lay claim to the weapons or to stop him from taking them.

But you weren’t supposed to be there. You were a variable in his plan that he couldn’t have predicted. A wildcard? A hidden weapon he could've used? He didn't know. Where a handful of questions swarmed around in his head, three of them stood out the most, distracting him from the incoming hit to his side.

Why were you there tonight?

Who were you working for?

And where have I seen you before?

Ten armed guards at the front of the building. Another two securing the entrance from the inside. Five more moving around the halls. None on the top floor.

Bingo.

Sliding open the glass window on the roof of the precinct, you snuck in quietly. You landed down swiftly, arching your heels like a cat to keep you steady. Stealth mode switched on in your head as you carefully inspected your surroundings.

The top floor is clear.

Tightening the grip on your twin Remingtons, you straightened and advanced to the walls on your right, opposite to the railing on the other side overlooking the secured entrance. No one seemed to be on this level at all.

As you rounded the corners, you spotted a staircase going down to what looked like a meeting hall.

Angry shouting and what resembled the sound of slapping got louder the more steps you descended. Someone was either receiving a beating or they were just into kinky shit.

You were on the last three steps when a guard's boots fell in step close by. Aligning yourself with the wall, you became one with the shadows. You held your breath, keeping your heartbeat under control as well as any other signs that could get you spotted. On the inhale, he walked by. On the exhale, he continued on his path. As he got further away, you tilted your head towards the glass ceiling and released the breath you were holding.

This was a terrible idea.

What were you even doing here in the first place? This was not your fight.

But your conscience convinced you that you were somehow responsible for the unsuccessful outcome of mophead’s mission. Call it remorseful helping.

You weren’t supposed to be there tonight. It was just incidental. Your stupid craving for dumplings made you come out of your extremely comfortable refuge and one thing led to another and you found yourself in the middle of the crossfire. The very thing you hoped to avoid at all costs.

Without thinking too much of your bad choices for the day, you geared up to save mophead. You didn’t know why you were going this far for someone you didn’t know. But you felt needed for once in a while and like you finally had a job to do. That and the fact that the betrayal under his command hit a little too close to home.

There was something else that bothered you about your encounter with him. The moment he locked eyes with you was branded into your head like a burn wound. Your brain replayed it over and over again for no specific reason until it drove you crazy.

Those eyes bugged you to the world’s end. There was something so addicting and familiar to them. But you couldn’t recall where you’ve seen them before no matter how hard you tried.

You needed to find out who this man is. So, like any normal person looking for answers, you went to ask him. Well, you will ask him. As soon as you busted him out of the most secure precinct in Shanghai.

In the meeting hall

“This would be so much easier if you just talked,” yelled the commander in chief.

“How about… fuck you. Good talk,” said Enishi with a sick grin.

“You son of a—,” the commander was cut off by the sound of shots being fired outside the meeting hall. Grunting and yelling ensued for a good minute until everything turned quiet. Everyone’s ears perked up listening for what could follow.

A powerful kick thundered against the golden door to the hall, making it come off its hinges and cave in on itself. The bolts creaked, splintering on the sides and the door fell with a loud thud. You stepped over it, the click of your heeled boots bouncing off the echo in the room.

All eyes were trained on you.

“Who’s ready to have some fun?” you chirped, enthusiastically twirling the guns in your hands. They landed perfectly in your hold and you cocked them right at the men in the middle of the room.

“Who are you?,” asked the commander in chief.

“Let’s just say I’m someone you don’t want to mess with,” you said confidently.

“You’re just a stupid girl if you think you can just come in here —“

“This stupid girl just took out most of your guards on duty. It will be her utmost pleasure to take you out too,” you said with a smirk.

Enishi was watching the exchange, his head swimming with confusion for the second time tonight.

Just who exactly were you? And why were you crossing paths again? Also, were you insane to just waltz in the commander in chief's lair like that?

You first show up as a hindrance to his plan and now you’re here to probably mess up more than you already have. He was also kind of blaming you for the situation he was in at the moment. You weren't of any help in his eyes.

At least you proved useful in distracting the guards and the commander so he could work on getting his hands free of the rope tugging at his wrists. Okay, maybe you were useful.

Looking over at mophead, you noticed he freed himself. You haven’t worked in a team in so long so you threw him a look asking for guidance on what to do now. What he saw however, was more of a weird face that kind of creeped him out, but he quickly caught onto what you meant.

He wasn’t sure whether to trust you. But he didn’t have the luxury to audition for partners right now. So, sending a silent nod your way, you let the fun begin.

Mophead lunged for the commander in chief while you preoccupied yourself with the five guards in the room. You easily took out the first one by the couch at the side. Pointing your gun to the next one, you pulled the trigger but nothing happened. You tried the other gun receiving the same vacant response. You were left without bullets having emptied most of them on the guards outside.

Strapping the guns back to your belt, you took a fighting stance and beckoned the officers to you.

Hand to hand combat it is.

The closest guard lunged at you and your fist connected with his nose. A loud crack echoed upon contact, blood seeping through his hands as he cradled his nose.

“You bitch—,” you cut him off by hooking your leg to the back of his neck, dragging him to the floor.

“Did your mother not teach you how to speak to a lady?”

He got back up and got ready to throw another snarky remark but you wasted no time in shutting him up with a nearby chair. The wood broke to pieces as it made contact with him, knocking him out cold. Once he fell to the floor, you directed your attention at the other three guards that started circling you from different sides. Showtime.

You let them come at you. The taller one came first, swinging a baton at your head. Ducking successfully to avoid having your head turned into a baseball, you went for a roundhouse kick to his head. He got projected to the other side from the force you put into the move.

The last two attacked you at the same time. One of them had a knife that managed to get a few cuts through the sleeves of your dress as he kept swinging at you recklessly. He wasn't even looking where he sent his blade. He probably just hoped they got you. If this was the training they got the armed forces were doomed.

You huffed disappointedly as you lifted a slashed piece to check the damage. “I just got this one."

Getting annoyed with his incessant flailing about, you caught his hand just as a slightly smaller in stature officer came from behind you. Kicking back your right leg into the stomach of the one behind, you got a chance to take the knife, throwing it away and out of his reach. You turned and elbowed the knife wielder in the stomach, directing another knee at his ribcage letting him fall flat to the floor.

One more to go.

Standing face to face with your last enemy, you spared mophead a quick look. He was struggling with the commander as he pushed him face down on the big wooden desk. He quickly turned the power around and got him into a deadly chokehold instead.

You didn’t even notice his outerwear was discarded and he was left only in a tank top. His huge biceps flexed dangerously as he tightened his hold on the commander’s neck, pushing into him with all his strength. Sweat was piling like rain drops down his arms and you found yourself drooling. Maybe you digged the whole white mop of hair look.

You were snapped out of your fantasies by the small garden goblin running towards you with a spiked staff. Where the fuck did he get that from?

Do these guys not have one normal weapon on them? Where do they get all this ridiculous stuff from?

You dodged his attacks and his futile attempts at trying to spear you like Dracula, until he got tired and his swings turned sloppy. Finding an opening way too easily, you caught the end of the staff with your right hand and turned your left into an uppercut diving it under his chin. The impact of your hit had him landing in a star shape on the floor. His eyes rolled around unable to focus like birds chirped around his head.

Just as you were finished with him, mophead finally squeezed the living daylights out of the commander and let him fall splat to the floor. He wasn't dead. Just out of service for the day.

Sensing the ruckus in the hall, the rest of the guards from outside started piling up into the hall. You both walked towards each other until you were back to back. In other circumstances you would’ve loved the way your heavy breaths mingled and the way your shoulders shyly grazed each other. But now was not the time to crush on your new partner.

“Any chance you have a plan to get us out of here?” asked mophead. Guards surrounded you from all sides, covering all exit points. The only way to escape was to fight your way out.

“I’m guessing breaking some more necks wouldn’t hurt,” you replied hastily.

“You take the ones on the right. I take the ones on the left,” he directed.

With another nod, you both got into position and waited as the guards descended upon you.

A storm of fists came your way. You tried blocking them as much as you could but five to one was too much to handle without a weapon. Mophead noticed your struggle and tried to get rid of the three baton swingers in front of him. With a low sweep kick to their ankles they all fell over at once, hitting each other with the bats they were holding.

You were holding onto three bats with all your might, pushing your arm muscles to greater strength than they were capable of. Two guards sneaked behind you, ready to deliver a dangerous blow. Enishi intercepted them before they could carry out their plan, catching their arms mid swing and twisting their arms to inhuman angles.

“Don’t you know it’s bad manners to hit a lady, especially from behind?” he said, towering over them, pushing them to their knees as they writhed in pain.

You finally managed to throw the three men backwards, taking to delivering a kick to each of them. By the time you were done with them you were breathing heavily. You were a good fighter, but your stamina was always holding you back. Mophead seemed to be more trained in that field though as you saw him cutting through the lines of guards with ease, taking down two or three at the time. And he was injured.

Five more guards circled both of you.

“Give me a hand,” you said as you ran towards mophead.

He sensed your idea right away. Latching your hand with his, you created enough momentum for him to pull you around in a circle to kick down all of the guards. Once you got both feet back on the ground looking for your next victims, you noticed the secure hand sitting idly on your waist.

Looking up at him, you saw he’s about a head taller than you. He was scanning the room too. Feeling you tense in his hold, he quickly dropped his hand from your waist and trained his gaze on the broken down door.

“We have to go before more of them come.”

“What about your crew? Are you just going to leave them here?”

“They can get out just fine by themselves,” he growled, annoyed and pissed enough to think of those fuckers too.

And with that he grabbed your hand and you made a run for it, stepping over the bodies of the commander's regiment, falling out into the precinct.

Next

Thank you for reading! Comments, notes and reblogs are always welcome :)

[thehighpriestess1]

August : 11

Summary : Fights, doubts, anger and love surround Gojo and Y/n as they try to figure out how to deal with the reunion.

Pairing : Gojo x y/n

Word count : 12k.

Warning : angst, language, slight smut. 18+ only.

Masterlist : Previous

Ask Box

There was momentary silence followed by Gojo’s threat. Trample this village to the ground? You stared at him in disbelief. His gaze sharp as a knife, pierced through your heart. In one life Gojo had broken your heart for the third time. There was no point in arguing with him. He always gets what he wants. Always. And you? You were well aware of your luck by now. You hated him. You hated him so much. You wanted to scream and shout and throw a fit but you couldn’t. True rage is always silent and often unnoticed. You had no power over him, you thought. You were just a pawn in his game. But even a  pawn can be dangerous when it has the  right motivation, you turned and looked at your son. You couldn’t hide anymore. No matter where’d run off too, Gojo will always find you.

“How dare you come here and threaten me?!”. You snarled.

“How dare I?”. Gojo scoffed. “How could you keep my son away from me?!”. Gojo stepped towards you. 

“What was I supposed to do Gojo?! I know It wasn’t right of me but what else did you expect from me?!”. You yelled. “I didn't know what was out there or who was waiting to kill me! I was terrified! There were people showing up at the house asking for me and these people protected me by risking their lives and now you stand here and threaten them! I was terrified!. Your knees felt weak but you held your ground by leaning on the crib. “I was so scared,you have no idea..”. You sobbed. 

Gojo looked at you sobbing  with tears in his eyes. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to take the step and hold you in his arms and assure you that everything would be alright but he couldn’t. There was an invisible force field separating the two of you. 

You looked up at him, “You think it was easy for me to do all of this alone? Do you really think I would keep our child away just to get some revenge on you? Is that what you think of me?”. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand. “I would have reached out to you eventually if it was just me but I couldn’t risk his life. I didn’t know who was waiting out there, Was it Naoya? Utahime? I didn’t know. All I knew was that ..”. You took a deep breath and looked down in the crib. “..I had to protect him.”.

Gojo stared at you in silence, he didn’t realize the weight of his words until it was too late. When he saw the look on your face he knew he went too far. He was desperate. Desperate to have you.  He sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes as you turned to Keisuke. “Y/n  I..I thought you were dead. You..I know it was hard for you but it wasn’t easy for me either. I couldn't eat! I couldn't sleep! For god's sake y/n I lived with your ghost! When I saw you today I…I thought I was dreaming but when I realized that you were really here I…I felt like I could breathe again. You had Keisuke but I had no one y/n. I kept cursing myself for leaving you that day. I shouldn't have left you. I should have listened to you! I…I am not asking you to forgive me just yet. I'm asking you to pity me and give me another chance to live because I don't think I can live without you anymore!!". Gojo let out a heavy breath. You looked at him, he looked desperate, tired, like a man who returned from a lost war.  "I didn’t mean to do it this way but I..I can’t risk losing you again”. He was gasping for breath. 

This was a dilemma. You knew you could no longer continue to live like you lived. You couldn't run, you didn't want to run. 

"There is no point in arguing anymore. You always get what you want anyway so fine let's do it your way but I have a few conditions”. You spoke bleakley. Pleadingly. Turning away to look at your son. 

“Anything. I'd give you anything y/n”. Gojo said, staring at your back.

You turned around and looked at him helplessly. He knew that look. That’s the same way people looked at him when they begged for their lives. He had never thought he would see you this way and it broke his heart.

“I want Keisuke to live a healthy and happy life”.

“Okay”. Gojo ran his hand through his hair  and leaned back against the cream wall.

“I mean, I want to  keep him away from …. Whatever that you do. No weapons or dirty business around him”.

Gojo gritted his teeth. It was insulting the lowly you  thought of him. “Ok”.

“I will have a say in every decision when it comes to him”.

.

.

“Obviously”. 

.

.

“I..I don’t know ..what..”.  You hesitated. “..our relation is but-”.

.

“You’re my wife”. Gojo cut you off. It was non-negotiable. 

You looked at him and walked over to the counter to pull out the proof of your new identity. “Y/n L/n was your wife. I am officially Hana Sato”. You handed him the plastic card.

Gojo took the card from your hand with a frown on your face. He looked at the card and then back at you. It was your face but not your name.Did Hiro give this to you? Is this why Yuta couldn’t find you? He smiled and then broke the card in two pieces. “Problem solved”.

You  stared at him with your mouth hung open. “You..did you just?”. You pointed at the broken pieces of plastic in his hand. 

“Next”. Gojo cut you off again.

“Are we  married?”

“Yes”.

“Are we married legally?”.

“Yes”.

You took a deep breath. “Then I want a divorce”.

.

.

Gojo straightened up and put his hands in his pockets. “No”. 

“Gojo..plea-”.

“No means no, y/n. We are married and we are going to stay that way. Regardless of what you think of me I am not going to raise my child in a broken home”. 

It hurt that Gojo was right. “Fine then. Stay married to me. But you can’t ..have relations with any other woman”.

Gojo let out a tired sigh. Did you really have to tell him that? “Agreed”. But then it clicked. “Wait..did you have any..boyfriend..or whatever ..here?”. Gojo asked, frowning.

“That’s none of your business”. You replied coldly.

Keisuke let out a whimper, you pressed your palm flat against your forehead and took a deep breath. What a mess this whole situation was. “I need to feed him so ..please leave now”. You turned and picked up Keisuke from the crib and brought him to bed. 

“No. I..I want to..be here and help”. 

“And how do you think you could help me feed him?”. 

The sarcasm in your tone irked Gojo. Like it reminded him of his place. “What else can I do then?”.

You sighed. There was so much to do. You had to feed Keisuke, pack your bags, and tell Mr. and Mrs.Itadori what happened. You didn’t have the energy to argue with Gojo now. 

“Fine. If you want to help then can you just…pack the bags?”. 

“You don’t need to take anything y/n. I can have everything there before we reach”.

You glared at him. “Can you please just do as I say?”.

“Fine”.

You turned around and faced the wall as you fed Keisuke. It was awkward with Gojo in the room. Keisuke who was blissfully unaware of the situation tugged on your hair strand while he sucked on happily. “There is a black suitcase in the cupboard behind the crib. Did you find it?”.

Gojo rolled up his shirt sleeves and looked around until he saw the said cupboard. “Yes”. He took the suitcase out and unzipped it. 

“In the drawer ..on the right side of the cupboard you will see his sweaters, take out the red one and put it in the crib”.

Gojo stood up and started pulling out the sweaters until he saw the red one.

“Ouch baby slowly!”. You winched when Keisuke tugged with force.

Gojo paused, “Sorry”.

“Not you!”. You groaned. 

“Oh right..sorry. I got the sweater. Where did you even buy this?”. Gojo asked.

“I..knitted it. Ouch! Keisuke stop pulling my hair”. 

Gojo turned around momentarily and thought maybe he should say something. “Stop annoying mom. We need to leave soon”. 

To your sad surprise, Keisuke let go of your hair strand. But you didn’t tell it to Gojo.

“Pick out a few of his overalls from the drawer below and pack them. Take out the blue one with the giraffe and keep it on the crib”.

Gojo did as he was told. HIs eyes welled up lightly thinking about how he didn’t get to pick clothes for his son. “Done”.

“In the drawer below that, you’ll see his shoes. Pick out the blue ones and keep the rest in a suitcase”. 

Gojo held the shoes in the palm of his hand, they were so small and adorable. “Done”. 

“You will see three stuffed toys in his crib”. You continued ordering Gojo around. 

“Yes!”. 

“Pack the shark, carrot and the bunny…keep the carrot out and pack the other two”.

Gojo stared at the crochet stuffed toys. He picked them up and gave it a light squish. He has missed out on so much when it came to his own son. Was the carrot his favorite toy? 

“Are you listening?”. You called out.

Gojo glared at you and tossed the two toys in the suitcase and kept the carrot out. “Done”. He spoke sternly. 

“There is a travel bag under his crib. It’s pink in color”. 

Gojo bent down and toko the cushioned bag out. “Got it”.

“There is baby formula and a bottle inside it. Can you make it?”. 

Gojo glared at you, if you had been facing him, his stare would have scared you. “No Y/n”. Gojo gritted his teeth. “I can’t make it”.

“Ugh. Fine I’ll do it”. Luckily Keisuke was done. You wiped his mouth with the cloth and picked him up. You turned out and let out an audible tired sigh when you saw the condition of the room. Clothes were falling out of the drawer, drawers were left open, the cupboard door was open. You felt dizzy but you had to push through. 

“Can you..make him burp?”. You asked, looking at clueless Gojo. 

“I can try..what do I do?”. 

“Hold him, how I am holding him right now”. 

Gojo nodded and extended his arm forward. He took Keisuke from you and surprisingly did a good job at holding him. He was too scared to move. This was the second time he was holding his son. He was so small and warm and soft and Gojo was scared to even breathe. He looked at him and then hugged him a little tighter. Keisuke giggled and Gojo smiled. Keisuke grabbed Gojo's ear and Gojo winced initially but then he smiled when he realized that it was his son. Gojo never wanted to let him go. 

“Good", you replied." Now just walk around slowly and pat his back lightly”. Gojo was nervous but he did as he was told and followed you into the kitchen. 

“Did you eat breakfast?”. You asked as you tied your hair up once again in a bun and began prepping. You wanted to scream and fight but you had to remain calm and think rationally. Everything was happening too fast. One moment you were angry at Gojo and next you were internally gushing over him holding Keisuke. You had imagined how Gojo would look walking around with Keisuke in his arms, would he hold him properly? How would Keisuke react? Now that you had seen it you felt guilty about your intentions. 

“No”. Gojo said as he continued doing what he was told. He stood in the entryway to the kitchen and watched you. This felt warmly domestic. 

“Ok ok. Ummmm ok”. You continued without looking at him. “First we need to boil the bottle. We do this to disinfect. While this happens we boil the water for the formula. It will take two minutes so keep an eye on the electric kettle”. You put the bottle in a pan filled with water. 

“Why are we making him burp?”. Gojo asked. 

“Because if we don’t then he might puke out the food and we don’t want that”. 

Gojo nodded. He wondered how you manage everything. 

“While that is happening..”. You trailed off as you put rice in a ceramic bowl and kept it on the table. You had Miso soup in the fridge and you took it out and warmed it on another stove. “..right where were we? Bottle..yes. You see the bubbles forming. It means it’s done”. You took out the bottle from the pan with tongs and kept it on a clean tray to cool. The water in the kettle has cooled down.

You continued to make the baby formula and Gojo watched your every move. Though he doubted he would ever need to do this but as a father he should know this. You kept the bottle in the travel bag and took Keisuke from his hand. “I have kept your breakfast on the counter. Eat it. I will go an..explain something to  Mr. and mrs.Itadori”. 

You left the room through the other door to go meet the family. 

Gojo watched you leave in a hurry and then stared at the two bowls of food in front of him. He smiled as he brought the tray to the small table and sat on the wooden chair. He ate and looked around the house. He pictured you, waddling around with your belly growing everyday. Did you have a healthy pregnancy? He realized he should have asked that. He pictured you walking through the door with the newborn baby, did you think of him when you went into labor? Did you think of him when you delivered? Did you ever think of reaching out to him after he was born? There were so many questions he wanted to ask but he didn’t know how to, or when to ask them. He didn’t know where the boundary began and where did it end? It was blurry in places and non-existent in others. But when it came to your personal life, he realized that it was rock solid. He wondered if you'd ever open up to him. Will the two of you spend the rest of your life living like a cold distant couple? 

Gojo hardly eats breakfast but he looked at the empty bowls in front of him and realized he could eat this very meal everyday. He picked up the tray and took it to sink. There were a few other dishes in there and he realized it was unlike you to leave them this way. So he began cleaning. He cleaned and wiped the plates,bowls and spoons and kept them neatly on a side. He realized that you had created this home, bit by bit, straw by straw, and he was going to uproot it. He realized that he didn’t ask you if you wanted to come with him, he didn’t give you an option, he realized that he selfishly demanded you to come with him. He’d apologize for that later, when you’d have some time together. 

He sat down on the couch and stared blankly at the door through which you left. You were alive. It finally dawned on him. He chuckled. His y/n was alive. The love of his life was alive! He had a son! Gojo smiled ear to ear like a mad man. He was relieved. He was glad he kept the ring all this time. Will you wear it again? He was glad for the clothes he bought for you. But Keisuke would need clothes. He took his phone out and had almost texted Yuri to buy baby clothes when he stopped. No. He wanted to shop for clothes with you. He will paint the nursery with you. He will set up the crib himself. He smiled thinking about it. 

-X-

“What do you mean you are leaving now?!”. Mrs.Itadori gasped.

Mr.Itadori remained calm. He knew that Keisuke needed a father. He watched as you sobbed silently across from them. It had hardly been 30 minutes since they came back from the temple  when you walked down holding Keisuke. 

“I know it’s sudden. But we don’t have time. I don’t want to turn him away”. Half lie, half truth. You couldn’t turn him away. If you do, then everyone will lose everything. “I promise you I will call and I will visit whenever I get a chance”.

Mrs.Itadori held your hand, “I am not stopping you, y/n. I want you to live a good life. Is there anything we could do to-”.

“No. You have done more than anyone. You made me realize what family truly means and I will miss you so much”. You wiped your tears with the tissue paper. 

“It’s okay y/n. We will visit you too. Mrs.itadori walked around the table and hugged you. You wrapped your arms around her waist and sobbed into her chest. She stroked your hair and controlled her own tears. In the past one year you had become the daughter she never had. 

“Y/n-chan is going?”. Yuji asked innocently with his two front teeth missing.

You pulled back from the hug and knelt on the ground to pull Yuji into a hug. “I promise I will visit you”. You kissed his cheek and handed him the toy you had bought for him earlier. 

“Are you taking Keisoo too?”. He asked as he took the toy from your hand.

“Yes baby. I have to”. You smoothed out his spiky hair. 

Yuji’s face turned red and he threw the toy on the floor. “I don’t want your toy! You can’t leave yuji!”.

Mr.Itadori picked up the toy and patted Yuji’s head. “That's a bad habit! Y/n has to go. Like Yuji has to go to school”.

Yuji looked at you with puffed up cheeks. “You..you will come again?”.

“Yes I will. I promise I will!”. You peppered kisses all over his face.

"Don't go! Don't leave Yuji!". You held you and started crying and you picked him up and wiped his tears. "I promise I will visit you. I will bring more toys for you!". 

“Do you need any help with Packing?”. Mrs.Itadori asked.

You kept Yuji down and smoothed your dress. “No no. I have packed everything. We will leave in a while”.

Mr.Itadori picked up Keisuke from the baby chair and cooed. “My baby boy. Grow up healthy and strong and take care of you mommy”. Keisuke babeled something and mr.Itadori laughed. “Tell me y/n, Is this man a good person? If you have any doubt you tell me right now. I will not let you leave with him”.

You chewed on your lip. What were you to tell him that the man who was the father of your child is the same man who killed Hiro?. “Yes. He is a good man”.

-X-

You entered your room and saw Gojo cleaning up the bedroom. You didn’t want to leave. You didn’t want to leave the family. You felt powerless. 

“Oh you’re here. I have called the driver and he will be here in 30 minutes”. 

You sobbed and nodded your head. “Can you…can you”. You sniffled. You shook your head and took a deep breath. “Can you please hold him for a while..I ..I need to be alone”.

Gojo stepped forward and took the baby from your hand. You walked inside the bedroom and closed the door behind you. Gojo heard a lock click but didn’t say anything. He sat down on the couch silently. 

As soon as you were alone you started heaving. Was it another anxiety attack? You went into the bathroom and closed the door behind you and sat down on the floor. You cried, you wanted to cry and yell but instead you kept a hand over your mouth to prevent any noise from escaping. You were leaving, you were really leaving. You thought about how you painted the room in summer, how you bought a measuring tape and decided on which wall to measure Keisuke’s height, how you were thinking about adding more cartoon stickers on the wall next summer, how you built the crib, and now you were leaving all of it behind. You were leaving the only people who had ever cared about you. You cursed the gods for this fate.Why show you happiness when they always take it away in the end? Your throat hurt and your head felt heavy. You wished you had never gone down to the store in the morning. Then maybe..just maybe..you could have continued to live here in your little paradise.

You got out of the room draggin the suitcase behind you. Gojo stood up  immediately as soon as he heard the door unlock. “I have packed everything we need in this. I have kept his medical documents in the pink bag”. You kept both the bags in the center of the room. You turned around and took in the view of your apartment one last time. 

Gojo could see the pain on your face. Your eyes were red and heavy, your face had lost its color and somehow you looked weaker than you did this morning. He held the baby with one hand and tried reaching for yours with another but you pulled your arm away as soon as you felt his touch. 

“I need to get him ready”. You made Keisuke lie down on the couch and started dressing him. Gojo kneeled down on the floor next to you. “Y/n..please look at me”. He didn’t try to touch you. He just wanted you to look at him. 

You stopped what you were doing and turned your head towards him, “What do you want?”. You asked. 

"Love ..I know it's hard-". 

"Don't call me that. It makes me sick". You snapped back at him.

Gojo's words died down in his throat . He shook his head and you turned yours back to Keisuke. Once he was done getting ready, you packed away his old clothes in the bag. 

“Do you even have a car seat?”. You asked.

“I have arranged for it. There is also a doctor on standby at every hospital on the way”. 

You nodded your head. You sat on the floor,holding Keisuke in your hand, with your back resting against the couch and Gojo sat next to you. “Can I ask you for a favor?”. You gulped harshly.

“Anything”. Gojo replied as he stared ahead at the wall.

“Can you ..please..get someone to clean out this apartment. I don’t want to trouble them”.

“Done”. 

“And..And can you get help for them? Preferably a woman. They are getting old and Yuji is still young”.

“Done”.

“Thank you”.

Gojo turned his head and saw a tear roll down your cheeks. 

“And Gojo..”. You turned towards him.”..if anything happens to me tell Keisuke about me. Bring him here once in a while. Please”.

“No. Nothing will happen to you”. Gojo frowned, why were you making this request? What will happen to you? He won't let anything happen to you.

“Just..promise me”.

Gojo sighed. “I promise”. 

-X-

Gojo stood near the car as you said your goodbyes. Mrs.Itadori handed you another bag full of food and a sweater she had knit for Keisuke. You hugged the family one last time and kissed Yuji before walking away for forever. You looked up at where your apartment was and imagined it to be lifeless and haunted. You bit your lip and turned away before you brokedown once again. 

Gojo fastened Keisuke in the car seat placed between the two of you. You sat down in your seat and wiped your tears with the tissue paper. Your eyes burnt with all the crying. Keisuke was dozing off and the driver was given clear instructions on when to stop for rest and how to drive. 

“He’s asleep”. Gojo commented, trying to start a conversation as the car turned. 

But you didn’t reply and kept staring outside at the village you called home. You kept on staring without blinking at the shop until it was out of sight and when it was you closed your eyes and leaned back in the leather seat. 

“I know it’s tough for you to leave but-”.

“You could have at least asked me what I wanted”. You mumbled. Gojo could see your lips quivering. “It’s too late now anyway”. You kept your eyes closed but didn’t wipe the tears rolling down the corners.

Gojo bit his lip. “Please y/n. You have to understand that it wasn’t that easy for me either”. 

“And yet I am the one leaving everything behind”. 

It was true, Gojo thought as he looked away. Was this the right time to talk? He wondered. He looked at Keisuke sleeping blissfully in the car seat with Mr.carrot by his side. He looked healthy and happy. You had taken good care of him, but who took care of you? 

“I hope you know that I will look for a lawyer when we reach Tokyo”. You spoke, looking straight ahead.

Gojo’s heart skipped a beat. “Y/n you can't be serious. Do you really want to raise our son in-”.

“I will raise my son how I see fit. I have gone through the entire pregnancy without you and I am sure I can raise him well on my own. I would rather he grow up without a father than grow up in your world”.

Your words pierced his heart like a dagger. You knew your words stung and your intentions were cruel but you were ready to do anything and everything in your power to give Keisuke a better life. 

Gojo gritted his teeth. This was not the reunion he had expected. Were you forgetting that you were the one who had betrayed him? You were the one who lied to him? Had you told him the truth then none of this would have been happening right now. “Do you really think it is in the best interest of Keisuke?”. Gojo asked. 

No. You knew that it was not. You knew what it was like to grow up in a  dysfunctional family and you knew you were acting selfish. “Yes”. You said. Even if it kills you for real this time, you will fight for your son.

“Why?”. Gojo asked. “Why do all this when we can try and be a family?”. 

“Family?”. You turned towards him with a shocked face. “Do you even love me? Do you even care about what I want? Have you ever cared about what I want? You wanted to marry Utahime so you left me! You wanted to be with me so you practically kidnapped me and lied to me about everything! You..you killed Hiro for god's sake! And now you..you didn’t even bother to ask me if I want to come with you. You threatened me! Where is love in all this Gojo?!”. You put your hand over your eye and slumped back in the seat. 

Gojo sat silently. How could you ask him that? He knew what he did was wrong. He knew you had every right to be angry but..”I have loved you since the day I saw you y/n. I have made many mistakes along the way but I  never..”. His voice quivered. “..I never meant to hurt you. I know I acted harshly but I did it out of desperation but I swear I did it all to protect you. I agree my means were not the most ethical and I deserve your hatred but I did to protect you. I didn’t know better back then y/n. But I do now so please just give us a chance”.

Gojo leaned his head back and took a quick breath. He didn’t want to lose his composure on you when he was already a villain in your eyes. “I always wanted to have a family. You knew that. I..I missed out on so much. I wanted to be there with you and I couldn’t”.

No. You were not going to believe him. You had heard enough. You had seen enough. You had been through enough. “I Know that you have every power in the world to take Keisuke away from me and I..I can’t risk that. He means everything to me and I can’t live without him”. You spoke as you turned your face away.

Gojo hummed. “And I can’t live without you y/n. Every power I have means nothing in front of you. I just want a chance to prove that I deserve to have you and Keisuke in my life”.

You frowned. “Fine. A month. You get a month”

“Fine then”. Gojo smiled sadly. “But remember that I will be fighting not just for Keisuke but for you too and I will win”. 

You poked your tongue in cheek in annoyance. 

“..and y/n?”. Gojo smiled.

“What?”. You snapped back.

“Stop calling me Gojo. You’re a Gojo too”.  Gojo bent down and kissed Kisuke gently. “-and so is he”.

-X-

Yuri woke up in Gojo's bed, wearing Gojo’s shirt. She wasn’t allowed in here. No one was, except Jerry. But since Gojo was out, she took the liberty. She took in his scent and smiled lazily to herself. She missed him already. Missed his smile. His anger. His eyes. She was hopelessly in love with Gojo Satoru. She turned to see the photo frame on his nightstand. It had black and white photobooth photos collaged together. She wondered why he ever fell for you? You looked normal. A bit dull compared to him. She wished she could scratch off your face from every photo but there were lines she couldn’t cross yet. She had always thought that all men want is sex, but to her surprise Gojo Satoru was different. He turned down her advances. She had tried to get him drunk so he would finally fall for her and thought she had succeeded when Gojo let her kiss her cheek but at the end of the night he went back to his room. She had to make him love her. She turned on her back and stared at the ceiling. 

Once your death anniversary passes, she will marry Gojo Satoru. “Gojo Yuri”. She giggled to herself. She wondered how their first night would be. Would he be wild with her or would he be gentle? She wondered how it’d feel when he’d kiss her. Her hand slipped inside her thong as she imagined it to be his fingers, his tongue, his cock. She wondered how he’d look above her, beneath her, behind her. Her breath quickened as she increased the pace. She wondered what term of endearment he would use for her. Her hips twitched as she neared her climax. She imagined his moans and groans as she came whimpering his name. This wasn’t the first time she had cum thinking about him but she was getting tired of using her fingers. 

She turned her head and picked up her phone, 9:00 AM. Gojo must be done with his work. He said he would return by night, she would make dinner for him. Steak? Pasta? She wondered what he would be in the mood of. 

“Jerry!...Jerry!”. She yelled on top of her lungs.

“Yes Ms.Yuri”. Jerry hurriedly rushed in. He was terrified of Yuri and disliked her severely. She had tormented many of the house staff and he had to go above and beyond to either make them stay or compensate them adequately. 

“What’s for breakfast?”.

“Mr.Gojo is not here today”. Jerry replied with his eyes set on the floor. Yuri had asked him to never look her in the eyes and always keep his hands folded in front of him whenever he was talking to her or Gojo. She said it was to remind him of his place. After 10 years of service, he naturally felt insulted by her demand but obeyed anyway. 

“So? Is he the only one who eats in this house?”.

“I’m sorry ma’am. I wasn’t aware that you’d be eating your breakfast here today”. 

Yuri scoffed. “I want a blueberry smoothie and scrambled egg. Got it?”.

“Yes…ma’am”. 

Yuri walked to the dining area with two helpers behind her, one carrying her black Birkin bag and other carrying her cashmere coat. Her red bottom heels clicked with every step. Another help stepped forward and opened the door for her. Another help pulled out her chair for her. Every house help hated being in her presence. Even Gojo Satoru didn’t treat them this way then who did she think she was to demand this treatment. But they were always too scared to say anything. The last help who spoke up was tortured for three days straight. 

Yuri scrolled on her instagram as she finished the last bits of her eggs. She had nothing to do today. Maybe she would go shopping or to a spa or both. She was about to leave when she saw Gojo’s message. She read it and then read it again. No. It can’t be possible. She called Gojo immediately but he cut the call. She called again and he cut the call again. 

“NO! NO! NO!!! NO!!”. She yelled as she threw the glasses and plated at the wall. Jerry and others stood at a distance and watched her. 

When she was done breaking every piece of breakable thing in the room she stood up straight, her hair stuck to her forehead, chest heaving, mouth open, eyes wide with shock. She turned towards Jerry and gritted her teeth. “That bitch!...That fucking bitch is alive!”. 

She opened her phone again. “y/n is alive. I am bringing her and the baby home”. She looked at Jerry again. “Did Satoru text you?”.

“Yes he did”.

“What did he say?”. Yuri asked and she pushed aside her hair. 

“He has asked me to get the house ready. They will be here before dinner”. 

Yuri stared at the phone in her hand, and chuckled. “You can get the downstairs bedroom ready for her and her little spawn”. 

“Mr.Gojo has asked us to..get his room ready for them”.

Yuri raised an eyebrow. “What?”.

“He said that they will be sleeping in the master bedroom”. 

-X-

The car ride was silent for most of the time. You made a mental note of things you would need to do.A month seemed too long and too short at the same time but it could give you enough time to find your footing if you were to divorce Gojo. You wondered if you could tell Gojo everything that had happened but would he use it against you. He could. Your head felt heavy thinking about everything. You looked at Keisuke, still fast asleep and thanked the gods that Keisuke did not wake up. But it was post lunch and you wanted to feed him. 

“What happened?”. Gojo asked, looking at you. You looked adorable, like a kid trying to decide which candy to buy. 

“He is sleeping a lot”. You said.

“Isn’t that a good thing?”. Gojo questioned. He had been reading articles all this time on babies and fatherhood but he felt he still had a lot to learn.

“Not really. If he sleeps now then he won't sleep at night. If he doesn’t sleep at night then I won’t sleep at night”.

“We won’t sleep at night”. Gojo corrected. 

You rolled your eyes at him and tried to wake up Keisuke. Gojo checked his watch, it was 2:00 PM. Let’s stop for lunch. He told the driver who gave him a curt nod. Keisuke opened his eyes and stretched his arms. You were accustomed to his cuteness and yet it melted your heart but watching Gojo melt over his toothless yawns and spit bubbles was even more endearing. 

“Aaaw that’s a big yawn! Mumma woke up my baby”. Gojo stroked Keisuke’s cheeks. 

“Are you hungry?”. You bent down and patted his stomach lightly. Keisuke looked between the two of you and then gave a toothless smile. 

“Aaah his cuteness will give me a heart attack”. Gojo put his palm over his chest and you chuckled. 

The car came to a halt at a pitstop. “You should eat something”. Gojo said as you pulled out the milk bottle from the bag.

“I’m not hungry”. You replied coldly. Gojo could pretend to be a happy family all he wanted but you were not going to budge. 

“You gave me a month, remember? So let me take care of my love ”. Gojo pleaded. 

You bit the inside of your cheek, “Do whatever you want”. You replied without looking at him and just like that your armor was up.

Gojo smiled, He knew it wasn’t a yes but it wasn’t a no either, and got out of the car. You let Keisuke stay in the car seat and fed him from the bottle. You won’t lie that motherhood is tiring and tough. Maybe having Gojo around until you settle down on your own wouldn’t be a bad thing. 

Gojo walked in between the aisles of 7-Eleven and cursed himself for not thinking this through. He would never let you eat any of this. This is not something a new mother should be eating. He groaned in frustration, how the hell was he going to prove himself to you if he didn’t even know what you could eat or not. He picked up his phone and called the only person who could help him. Shoko.

It had been over 20 minutes since Gojo left and Keisuke was done feeding. He was wide awake now so you opened the car door and got down with him in your arms. The weather was perfect. The sun shone brightly and the air was cool. Keisuke burped twice as you patted his back. 

“Why are you out of the car?”. You heard Gojo’s voice and turned around to see him walking towards you.

“Just wanted to stretch my legs and he needed to burp”. You smiled. You realized that you had kept your sweater in the car and now you were starting to feel the winter. You kept Keisuke down back in the seat and cracked your fingers. He was starting to get heavy. 

“Here. I got sandwiches, chocolate milk, juice, and kit-kats. I wanted to get coffee but I wasn’t sure if you could drink it”.

“Gojo it’s a lot”. You stared at the bag. 

“Then we better get started, right?”. He smiled and handed you a sandwich. 

The two of you ate in silence standing outside as Keisuke played with the carrot in the car seat.

“Gojo, can I ask you something?”. You asked as you kept the sandwich wrapper in the brown trash bag.

“Yes Gojo you can”. Gojo replied.

You rolled your eyes, “I am serious right now”.

“Fine..y/n. Ask”.

“Did you or do you have a ..girlfriend? If you do then I will have to meet her before letting her get near my son”. You looked down, hesitant to meet his eyes. 

“No”. Gojo replied immediately. “I have only loved one woman. My wife. But she ran away last year and now I don’t know where she is”.

You sucked in a sharp breath. “It’s not funny”.

“I mean it. I don’t have any other woman in my life”. Gojo said as he opened the bottle of chocolate milk and handed it to you. You took it without looking at him. “What about you? Any man in your life?”.

“I told you, it’s none of your business”. 

Gojo blinked slowly. He knew you were pregnant for most part of the year but how could anyone not fall for you? Was there someone back in the village? He felt a jealous rage course through him. He swore that if he ever found this man he would make him disappear for laying his eyes on you. 

“If you do then I will have to meet the man before letting him get anywhere near ‘our’ son”. Gojo retorted.

“Fine”. You replied. 

Gojo scoffed but dropped the topic. He could always find out on his own. “Can I ask you something?”. Gojo asked.

“Sure”.

“What did you crave the most when you were pregnant?” 

You turned around and leaned back on the car. “I craved a lot of sweets. Mostly warm bread with honey and whipped cream with lots of mochi.It was like a mochi sandwich. Also a lot of cranberry juice”. 

Gojo chuckled. Looks like Keisuke took after him. Mochi sandwich? It sounded interesting and something he would love for sure.

You cursed yourself for not carrying your coat. The temperature was dropping every hour and it looked like it would snow soon. You straightened up and turned away to check on Keisuke and felt something warm envelop you. Gojo had put his overcoat around your shoulders. 

“It’s fine. I’m not-”. You tried to take it off but Gojo stopped you.

“Keep it. You need to stay warm”.

-X-

You felt someone nudge at your arm. You opened your eyes slowly to see Gojo looking at you. “We are here”. 

You straightened up and took a deep breath, “I didn’t realize I had..why didn't you wake me up?” You asked. 

“You were sleeping so peacefully”. 

You wiped your face with your hand and took Keisuke in your arms. He was awake and looking out with curiosity. Gojo got down from the car and walked around to open the door for you. He held out his hand and you took it as you got out of the car. You looked at the huge traditional mansion in front of you. The entire village could live here happily, You thought to yourself. Gojo stood next to you with his arm resting against your back. You didn’t ask him to move it. 

Yuri watched as Gojo held the door open for you and gave his hand out to you. She frowned, Gojo never opened the door for himself. What changed in 12 hours. But she maintained the smile on her face. Whoever you were, you were no match for her. She looked at the baby in your arms and scowled. What a waste of Gojo genetics, she thought to herself. Were you wearing his coat? She scoffed, in her eyes you were nothing more than a farm animal, a charity case for Gojo. But her resolve faltered when she saw the way Gojo looked at you. He looked …alive.

Jerry stood on the other side of the door with a genuine smile on his face. He had met you a few times before and liked you. He was happy to know that you were coming home. 

“Hello Jerry”. You greeted him at the door. You were happy to see a familiar face.

“Hello Ms.Y/n. You look beautiful”. Jerry said and gave you a curt bow. “Who do we have here?”. He cooed when he saw Keisuke stare at him. “He is adorable”. Jerry smiled at him and Keisuke being the good boy he was, gave a toothless grin. 

“How are you Jerry? And how is Rose?”. You asked. 

Jerry’s heart swelled up. You remembered his wife even if you had met her only once. “We are both good and healthy. welcome to Tokyo Ms.y/n”

“Oh he is so adorable!’. Yuri squealed as she stepped in between you and Jerry bent down to look at Keisuke. She looked up at Gojo and winked. “He looked just like you toru”. She cooed. You turned your head back and glared at Gojo. 

“Y/n, this is Yuri. She is my assistant”. Gojo said as he pulled you into him. He was just as shocked at Yuri’s reaction as Jerry was. He wasn't expecting her to be here at this time.

“I thought Miwa was your assistant”. You couldn’t control your smile. You were not stupid. You knew what was happening here and you found it extremely amusing. You finally had something over Gojo. 

“I am his personal assistant”. Yuri chirped in. 

You turned towards Yuri and she smiled and tried to touch Keisuke but you moved your shoulder and blocked it. "Don't touch him". You said and walked away with Gojo in tow. 

Yuri was left standing there and the whole fleet walked in front of her to follow you. Who the fuck did you think you were? Did you look down on her? You looked down on her?! She gritted her teeth and walked back in. She saw how you greeted all of the staff and smiled at them. Oh you were faking it for sure. Pretending to be a kind hearted person just so you could get money from Gojo. 

“Where do I stay?”. You asked Gojo. 

Gojo smiled. “We stay that way”. He said and led you to the master bedroom. The whole mansion was not only huge but was sprawled out over a vast land. It was  traditional for most parts. As you walked next to Gojo you noticed how no one looked at you. They greeted you but looked terrified for some reason. The master wing of the mansion was at the farthest end which Gojo deemed to be the safest place. The sun had begun to set and the atmosphere was getting colder and you just wanted a hot bath and sleep. 

You didn't want to fight him anymore when he pulled you closer to him. Maybe because a part of you wanted it or maybe because you were too tired to argue. The room was on the top most floor of the mansion and you were surprised to see an elevator leading up to it. You walked out the elevator into a living room with a couch and a small dining table. You walked through the room into the bedroom and when you entered the bedroom you were surprised by the whiteness of it. The most colorful thing in the room was ironically Mr.Carrot you walked in with Keisuke in your arms and You wondered how many nights did Gojo spend here thinking about you you? You turned towards the bed and saw the photo frame of your photos. Your eyes welled up. You wondered how many times he looked at it and how many times did it flip it down? There was a book on the nightstand, was it the same…

"Yeah…I kept it because..just in case". Gojo spoke, standing behind you. 

You looked at him and then averted your gaze. "Okay". You said and made Keisuke lie on the bed. You had to bathe him..

You felt guilty. Like you had stolen something from him. Like you owed him glimpses of things you stole and yet you were being selfish. You got on your knees and started undressing Keisuke. "Do you want to help?". You asked without looking at Gojo but he was next to you, kneeling on the ground in a second. 

"He's so soft". Gojo said. 

"He's just a baby". 

"He is the most adorable baby in the world!!". Gojo spoke and kissed Keisuke's nose.

You looked at him, his face red with baby fever. You smiled to yourself and let him do the job. 

Yuri stood at the door and watched you watch him. It was unfair how easily you got access to things that were prohibited for her. Jerry walked past her with a tray, she watched and scoffed. You didn't even have to ask for anything. 

"Ms.Y/n". Jerry called out. 

You turned around and stood up. You took the glass of water. "Thank you Jerry". 

Gojo stood up and took the second glass. "By the way Jerry". Gojo said before he took a huge sip. "She is Mrs.Gojo now". He winked at Jerry, making him chuckle.  

"My bad, Mrs.Gojo". 

You rolled your eyes. "Please just call me y/n, Jerry". 

Gojo smiled sadly. 

"Well then tell me y/n, what would you like for dinner?". Jerry chirped. 

"Really anything is fine. I don't want to trouble you too much". 

"Oh no trouble at all ma'am". 

Gojo put his glass back on the tray. "Something light should be fine. Oh and send it to the room, we'll have dinner here". 

Yuri watched the whole interaction from the shadows, Mrs.Gojo? A tear rolled down her cheek. She watched how Gojo's hand stayed on your back, how he looked at you when you talked to Jerry. Even Jerry seemed genuinely happy to see you! Why?! Why?! Why?! As Jerry walked past her again she took a deep breath and stepped inside with a smile on her face. "Satoru, I'm sorry to interrupt you". 

Both you and Gojo turned towards her. You exchanged looks. Gojo sighed as he looked at Yuri. He didn't want to waste a second being with you. What could she need now?

"Yes, Yuri?". He asked tiredly. 

Yuri's face dropped. Did he just sigh at her? But her mask was back on in a second. "I just wanted  to remind you of your schedule tom-".

"Cancel everything".  Gojo said without a second thought.

"But we have-".

"Yuri". Gojo interrupted her again. "I said cancel everything".  

"If you have work then you should go". You spoke sweetly as you looked up at him. "We will be fine".

"And leave you here all alone?" Gojo smiled. "Absolutely not". 

"I can survive a few hours without you". You gave Gojo a soft smile.

Gojo chuckled, "But I can't". 

You shook your head and walked back to the bed. 

"You may leave now". He said to her but his eyes were set on you.  

Yuri smiled and walked back. She could hear the baby giggle. As soon as she was in the elevator alone, her smile turned to glare. A dangerous glare. 

You knelt on the bathroom floor as you gave Keisuke a sponge bath. Gojo sat opposite to you, holding Keisuke in his arms. 

"I can't get over how small he js". Gojo said, he looked at the tiny feet and tiny hands. Gojo's palm could easily cover his whole torso.

"He is only two months old but he is growing fast". You said calmly. 

Keisuke wrapped his hand around Gojo's finger and babelled as you wiped his torso. Gojo smiled and shook his hand gently. 

"Turn him around". You said and Gojo obeyed. He held Keisuke upright and you scooted closer to wipe him.

"Where are we?". You asked, looking at Gojo. 

"What do you mean?". Gojo frowned.  

"I…I mean the address. I need to call a cab tomorrow morning". 

"Where are you going?". Gojo asked, scanning your face. 

"I need to go to City to get some things for him". You asked and soaked the sponge in the warm water. 

"We'll go together". Gojo said. He couldn't believe you were still trying to keep him away. 

"It's not that". You read his face. "I don't want to take him out just yet. The weather is getting colder and it's already a new environment for him. He might get sick". You explained as you say back on your heels. 

Gojo's face relaxed. "Don't worry. He'll be safe here with Jerry". 

"I have never left him alone..". 

Gojo smiled and held your hand. "Don't worry y/n, it'll be just for a few hours and you know we can trust Jerry". 

You looked down at where his hand rested on yours. It felt nice. Like you finally had someone on your side.

Gojo looked down at your hands. He could actually feel your skin against his. It was another reminder that you were really here. He knew he had a long way to go before he could earn your trust. But for now even your hesitant touches were more than enough for him. 

"Okay". You replied with a small smile."we'll go together then". 

Gojo had insisted that you take a shower first. He would have preferred to take it with you but he didn't want to push his luck. You were thankful that Gojo was giving you space to adjust. You took a deep breath and let the warm water cascade down your back. You could hear Gojo talking to Keisuke outside and Keisuke replying in spit bubbles. It was funny how alike those two were. Clingy. Talkative. Demanding. Absolute menace. You knew he was going to be like Gojo when all you craved during pregnancy was mochi sandwich. What a concoction that was. But you were sure it was something Gojo…Satoru would love. Maybe you'll make it for him someday. 

The thought of filing for a divorce still weighed heavily on your mind and heart. A part of you wanted to give this a chance but another part of you couldn't get Hiro's words out of your mind. You wondered what he would say if he saw you here with him. Would he be happy that you have a family or would he curse you for settling down with his killer? Hiro saved your life by giving you a chance to escape but he was also the reason you were there in the first place. Gojo saved your life too when he took you away from Utahime and Naoya but Gojo also killed Hiro. You were lied to but you also kept Gojo's son away from him. Gojo missed out on the birth of Keisuke and you knew that if you left Gojo then one day Keisuke would ask who his father was. Even if you stay with Gojo you won't have an explanation for why his father wasn't there at his birth. You had unknowingly hurt your son too. No one was innocent, the only question was did everyone pay for their crimes?  

Gojo was absolutely in love with Keisuke. His little giggles. His tiny arms and feet. His toothless smile. His doe eyes. His tiny button nose. His amusement at everything. But above all he loved that Keisuke was a part of you. You and Him created him. He was proof that your love still existed..it bloomed even when he was going through his darkest days. Gojo stroked his puffy cheeks. He was not going to give up. No. He was going to fight for you and him. He was going to win. 

"Can you tell your mom that I love her and I missed her? She is so stubborn, isn't she?" Gojo scrunched his nose." I hope you didn't trouble her too much. You are going to grow up to be a handsome boy. But remember that you mom is my girl". Gojo winked and kissed Keisuke's cheeks.  

"You can go and shower now". You said as you walked to the bed. Gojo gave Keisuke a parting kiss and got off the floor. 

You were dressed in another one of your dresses. It wasn't the most ideal thing to sleep in but your options were limited. You made a mental note of shopping for some more clothes tomorrow. 

"I..have your clothes here". Gojo said and pointed towards the wardrobe. He thanked the past for thinking ahead. Being delusional paid off. 

"My clothes?". You asked. Gojo walked towards the wardrobe and you followed him. Your eyes widened when he flicked on the light switch. The walk in was filled with more clothes that you've ever had. You walked between the rows of clothes. 

"I..wanted to be ready for whenever I'd see you". Gojo tried to explain. 

"Didn't you think that I was dead?". You turned your head back and looked at him. 

"I was.. hopeful". 

You smiled and walked to the glass top counter. The jewelry inside would put any collector to shame. But your eyes landed on a familiar ring in the center.

"Where did you find this?". You asked, eyes still set on the ring. 

"I found it that night," Gojo said as he walked towards you."After the explosion. I was told that Naoya killed you and before I could search the place it exploded and this was all I could find". He stood behind you with his hand resting on your back.  

"Who told you that Naoya killed me?". .You frowned. 

"Joichiro did". Gojo spoke sternly. 

You let out a sigh and turned around to find yourself in the arms of your alleged husband. Your breath hitched for a second. You couldn't move back and he was staring innocently at you as if he was unaware of your rapid beating of your heart. 

"Do you ..do you want me to put it on you?". Gojo asked. He was serious. He looked down at you, your cheeks had turned pink and he wondered if that was because of the hot shower you took or because you were mad at him. 

Did you want to wear it? You didn't know. Maybe…yes. But no. 

Gojo sensed your confusion and smiled in return. "You don't have to answer now". He stepped back and walked away. You watched in shock, was he really that unaware? You shook your head and picked out a checkered button down shirt and matching shorts to change into. 

When you walked out of the closet you saw Yuri or was it Yumi? Standing near the bed. For some reason you didn't like her. Maybe it was the way she looked at Gojo that irked you. You didn't think you were jealous. Why would you be jealous over him? It didn't make sense right.

"Do you need anything?". You asked as you walked over to her. 

"Just wanted to drop these files off for Satoru". She smiled at you. 

It wasn't a friendly smile. It was a smile that said that she was close enough to call him by his first name. 

"You can give them to me. I'll give it to him". You said, not returning the smile. 

Yuri smiled again. "I'll wait for him. He doesn't take more than 20 minutes to shower anyway". 

You took a deep breath. "He takes exactly 25 minutes to shower. Then another 7 to get ready. I'd rather you keep the files on the table than stand in front of me for another 32 minutes". You pointed at the small table near the door. 

Yuri gritted her teeth. "Do you think you're special?". Her smile had faded. 

"Why don't you ask Satoru what I am?". You smiled. 

Yuri looked you up. "Do you even know how much the clothes on your body cost? The one that you put on so casually? You think all of this is something you are entitled to and you can look down on me only because you have a child with him?You're nothing but a charity case for him". Yuri tilted her head and shrugged.

Few years ago you would have been offended by the comment but you had been through enough to know what this was. "Looking at the efforts he had made so far, I'd say he is extremely charitable".

Yuri bit her bottom lip. You were definitely something. "Just know that if he hadn't run into you today, he would have been mine". 

You gulped. You were angry, not jealous. You convinced yourself. "If he couldn't be yours when I was dead then what makes you think he could be yours now?". You gave her a pressed smile. 

Yuri scoffed and opened her mouth to say something but couldn't. She walked away, throwing the file on the table. You stood there, seething. Even if you were going to leave Gojo, there was no way you were going to let her walk all over you. 

Jerry brought in dinner soon after and by that time Keisuke had been fed and asleep. Gojo sat opposite to you on the small coffee table near the balcony. He watched you poke the bowl of half eaten rice. 

"Is everything okay?". He asked. 

You snapped out of your thoughts and smiled at him. "Yeah. Just tired". 

Gojo watched you like a hawk. "No. It's something else". 

"All of this. It happened so soon. I just want to give him a home and I can't even seem to do that". 

Gojo sighed. It was his fault and you were blaming yourself. "It's not your fault. You have done a great job bringing him up on your own. You don't have to do it all alone anymore. Let me help you when I can". 

You smiled and nodded your head. 

Gojo smiled and kept a piece of spinach on top of your rice. "for now eat this. I read that the new mothers have iron deficiency and usually it goes unchecked until it's too late. Let's go for a check up tomorrow".

You watched him with your mouth agape. "Where did you read this?".

Gojo's cheeks turned pink. "On a blog called daddy and me". 

"I don't want to go for a check up". You replied and shoved the food in your mouth. 

Gojo hummed. "Why not?". 

You chewed your food and kept your eyes fixed on the table.

"Y/n, why don't you want to go for a check up?".  Gojo pressed on. He could read you like an open book. 

You swallowed painfully and looked at him. You knew that sooner or later you will have to tell him. Will he get angry? Will he get mad at you?

"I don't want to"

"Why not?". Gojo asked calmly.

You sighed in frustration. "Because I don't want to! Isn't that enough?". You asked angrily. 

"No it's not!". Gojo replied. "God y/n! You could keep your favorite color from me ',if you want to, but this.." Gojo's voice dropped. "...this seems serious and as your husband and the father of our child I have the right to know ". 

You sighed. "Fine but try not to make a big deal out of it, okay?".

Gojo stared at you blankly. Since when did you get so rude? "Fine". He replied. 

"Keisuke was born perfectly fine. But after delivering him". You looked down at your hands in your lap. "I didn't stop bleeding for quite some time. I had lost too much blood and doctors weren't sure if I'd even make it. But fortunately, they were able to control the bleeding but I was unconscious for a day".  

There was a heavy silence between the two of you. Gojo was shaking but he remained calm on the surface. You had gone through so much and yet you didn't reach out to him? Did you hate him that much? Was he that bad of a person?

"Because of that I have postpartum anemia. Usually it improves in two months but it hasn't in my case". You kept your eyes fixed in your lap.

Gojo let out a heavy breath and leaned back in the chair. How was he ever going to fix the mess he made? He was angry. He was hurt. But he knew he deserved it. 

"But I assure you that Keisuke is fine and you can see his reports". You tried to explain. 

"It's not just about Keisuke,y/n. You are just as important to me as he is. I..I don't know what to say… Fine. We'll still go to a doctor and get a consultation. For my sake, please?". He didn't want to force you anymore than he already had. He could only please and pray that you listen to him.  

"Fine". You replied with a smile. Sometimes you have to let go of control.

Since there was no crib yet, Keisuke slept in between you and Gojo on the bed. He was deep in his sleep surrounded by his toys. Both you and Gojo looked at him sleeping with his mouth open slightly. You bent down and kissed his head good night and so did Gojo. As you closed your eyes and tried to get a much needed sleep, Gojo couldn't bring himself to sleep. A part of him was scared that if he closed his eyes then all of this would vanish. He looked at his son and then at you. Gojo knew that you were strong and capable and he was going to give you the freedom to decide what you wanted to do but a part of him, the part that lurked in the shadows, the part that made him the infamous ice Prince, that part reminded him that you were too precious to be out in the world alone. You were too kind. Too delicate. Too good to be out in this dark dark world. There were some really bad people out there and as your husband, as your lover, as the father of your child, he was going to protect you, shield you from everything. If you want to fight then he will let you fight. If you wanted to hurt him then he would let you hurt him. But he was not going to let you go. In this world you were his salvation. You were his sun and the moon. You were his'. 

-X-

You woke up the next day to see Keisuke cooing next to you. "Good morning baby". You spoke in your baby voice You smiled and kissed him. Keisuke giggled. "Did you sleep well? Of course you did! You didn't wake up mama once. My good boy". You peppered his face with kisses. 

You frowned when you saw a beautiful bouquet of white dahlias. You smiled and propped up on one elbow and picked up the bouquet. It was beautiful. There was a note attached to it,

Good morning love! 

Come down for breakfast!

You rolled your eyes at the pet name. Stubborn and annoying and too sweet. You fed and changed Keisuke and freshened up and changed into one of your own dresses. The only problem, you didn't know where the kitchen was. You got out of the bedroom and made your way to the elevator. A note was stuck on the door.

"You don't know where the kitchen is? Go down the elevator and turn left". With the note was another flower, white Chrysanthemum.

Is this what he spent the whole morning on? "Look at what your dad is up to?". You kept the note and the flower in your dress pockets and went down the elevator. When you got out you took a left turn and a help handed you another note. 

You rolled your eyes and chuckled. "He could have just asked you to take me there". You joke but the girl kept her head bowed down. 

You frowned and adjusted Keisuke in your arm. "Hey..Look at me. Are you okay?". You said. 

The girl looked up hesitantly. The moment your eyes met she looked down again. Did Gojo ask her to do this? "Look, I don't care what anyone else has told you but when you talk to me or help me, you look at me". You said. 

"Yes ma'am". She replied and looked up. She looked slightly younger than you. 

"Why didn't you look before?". You asked. 

"I was told not to". 

"By who?". You demanded. 

"Ms.Yuri". She replied. 

You bit your lip and took a deep breath. "What's your name?". 

"Nia…ma'am". 

"Nia". You spoke softly. The girl looked terrified and you didn't want to scare her more. "you don't answer to Yuri. Okay? If she does or says anything to you, you tell me okay?". 

Nia smiled and nodded her head. "Yes ma'am". She handed you the note and another chrysanthemum. 

You looked at the note, 

I can't see you now but I'm sure you look beautiful. Hurry up now. I'm waiting for you

"Looks like you were supposed to take me there". 

Nia nodded her head and led you. 

You walked in an open kitchen facing the backyard and a dining table. The air was warm and smelled of freshly baked cookies. 

"Good morning!". Gojo yelled as soon as he saw you walk in. He walked over and wrapped you and Keisuke in his arms. This was the first time you were this close to him. Even Gojo was taken aback by his actions but he went with it. He was holding his whole world in his arms and he was not going to apologize for it. He could feel you stiffen and then relax and smiled when you did not push him back. 

He felt warm. His white button down shirt smelled of cookies and you felt safe. Even Keisuke seemed to have relaxed in your arms. You wanted to hold him but had Keisuke in your arms so you just let him hold you instead. You liked this feelin.  

Gojo kissed Keisuke and stepped back. “Look what I have here”. Gojo spoke excitedly and brought a baby rocker from under the table. “It’s perfect for 1-3 months old”. Gojo continued.

You looked at him, he looked happy, excited. You returned his smile and bent down to put Keisuke in. You were thankful for this as he was getting heavier and your arms hurt a little.

“When did you wake up?”. You asked Gojo. 

Gojo looked at Keisuke and both of them exchanged a look of secrecy. Gojo didn’t sleep for more than three hours last night. Keisuke woke up every two hours and Gojo walked around the room holding him, trying to put him to sleep. At one point, both of them watched youtube videos on how to put babies to sleep. It worked but only for two hours. Gojo understood that it was because of the new environment but he didn’t want to wake you up. You had traveled a lot and needed the rest.

“I woke up a few hours ago”. Gojo replied casually. 

“You woke up at six?”. Your eyes widened. 

No. He woke up at 5 because he wanted to go to the florist and hand pick the best flowers for you. “Yeah. around that time”. Gojo chuckled. “Now sit down and let me serve you your breakfast”. 

You rolled your eyes and took your seat at the table. Gojo brought a huge tray of the most elaborate breakfast you had ever seen. Green smoothies, warm oats and honey, fruits cut in heart shape, blueberry pancakes, waffles and whipped cream. 

“I can’t eat all this”. You chuckled. 

Gojo smiled. Your smile had all the tiredness leaving his body. “It’s fine. Have as much as you can just don't forget the smoothie. I read that this spinach smoothie is great for mothers with iron deficiency”.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. "You and your daddy and me blog". 

You smiled and started the breakfast with Gojo. The morning sun filtered through the large windows and as you discussed the shopping list with Gojo,With Kisuke’s toy tune playing in the background, you realized that this was what you wanted when you were a child. A loving home. Breakfast table conversation about the day ahead, flowers  and fruits on the table, someone to look at you how Gojo was looking at you right now. It was peaceful. It was your own little world. Somewhere in the background Keisuke giggled, making both you and Gojo smile and shake your head. You watched as Gojo bent down and played with him. You didn’t know whether he loved you or not, you didn’t know if his words could be trusted when it came to you, but you knew that he loved your son. He would never let anything happen to Keisuke. So was it fair for you to take all of this away from him? You couldn’t live without Keisuke, Gojo couldn’t live without Keisuke, but could both of you live together? You had a month to decide and Gojo had a month to prove himself.

@hiqhkey @chemtrails-club @simplyrosesxr @foggyperfectiondragon @sofi786 @vesta-ro @kimvmarvel @mykyoon @shintin @attackonsimpp @pyschopotatomeme @lilith412426 @shuxjodie @sagejin @cloudsinthecosmos @hecateria @froggylust @lightblueexorcist @watyousayin @creolequeen11210 @s13nnnna @shartnart1 @the-crane-wives @musababy @loquia @ackerstain @allofffmypeaches @regalillegal @erintaro @commandertorinshepard @gojo-sunglasses @tspice283 @iam-mia9 @screwyou3 @denypipa @smolkazumi @winter-bearv @mc-reborn @pangolynnn @sindela @daintyazra @purpleguk @iam-mia9 @sammyiguess

[remindingpersephone]

Curveballs

When life gives you . . . stitches? So I had to have a cyst removed from my back and it was a big boy, so it took 13 stitches to close that hole up (there are so many jokes here). The doc said no lifting, no stretching, because stitches on the back (it's actually closer to shoulder) can rip easily. Since I can't get into the pool - healing wound = no soaking - and it's 9,823 degrees outside so no walking, my living room workouts are the only option. But when I do those it's a lot of arm flailing and improvising because I cannot follow choreography to save my life.

Now, there was a time when I would have used these restrictions as an excuse to completely abandon my fitness goals. I would stop all cardio, sit on the couch, eat way too many brownies, and totally derail my fitness progress.

But this time was different. I've kept up with all lower body strength workouts, and for cardio I bought an under-the-desk, mini-bike-peddle machine. Now, no one is going to mistake this for a real bike. But let me tell you I have gotten my heart rate way the hell up on that little thing. And I can keep my upper body stabile so as not to rip those stitches.

I've also been trying out intermittent fasting, although it didn't really start out with that as the goal. I wanted to see if I was eating because I was hungry, or just out of habit/schedule/when I thought I should eat. Also, my 6:30am breakfasts were starting to feel like habit instead of hunger. So I stopped eating until I was actually hungry. Turns out I'm not really hungry until about 11:30 AM. I also stopped eating after 8PM at night. I had always been a late dinner and even later dessert/snacker. Not only has eating mostly between the hours of 11:30am and 7:30pm helped my digestion, it's lowered my overall calorie intake. It's also making me stop and really think if I'm actually hungry before I eat. Do I need that snack or am I just bored? Do I need that treat or am I just emotional? I know the word "intuitive" is over-used these days, but that's pretty much what I did.

Now, I know tomorrow or next week this could all change. I am a person who not only embraces change, but seeks it out. I am always changing things up in small and large ways. Sometimes routines work for me and sometimes they don't. I'm getting better at not trying to force myself to do things just because the generally accepted wisdom says I should. Or the current trends are encouraging this thing or that thing.

Since we're talking about health, I will tell you I've cut way back on my social media consumption. It just got to a point where I was internalizing a lot of what I was reading and watching, and as we all know, a lot of what's on social media is negative. That negativity was having a bigger effect on me than I realized. Until that over-exposure was gone, I couldn't make the connection on some unexpected effects it was having. Sorry, I'm not intentionally trying to be vague. I just can't really explain it other than to say reducing my exposure to the ugliness and fear that perpetuates even Tumblr and Instagram has had a positive effect on my state of mind. This is a long and rambly way of me saying I'm sorry if I haven't been hearting and commenting on my mutuals posts like I once had. I try to pop in when I can, and I really do read what I heart. I just can't consume it at the rate I once did. But please know that I am always here for DMs and you can email me at anindependentguinevere {at} g mail dot com anytime you want to chat or need support. I am here for that always.

Wow, that was way longer than I intended. Hugs and kisses to those you who made it all the way through. Now let's go get some ice cream!

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Tally- Doctor Who.

Summary: You’re running from the silence. You’ve been separated from the doctor and the Ponds and life seems to be slowly coming to an end. What if the madman doesn’t come to save you?

Warnings: Fear, pain, mentions of death, dehydration, exhaustion, pet names, mentions of hallucinations, crying.

Pairing: Eleventh Doctor x GN!reader. (Platonic or otherwise.)

Word count: 1,151.

The rushing of blood echoed in my ears and my limbs ached with exhaustion. I had been running for god knows how long and I just seemed to get more lost. I allowed myself a break, falling to my knees in the fine, desert sand, chest heaving as I caught my breath. Dizzying pain ripped through my ribs from the stitch I had; I knew I couldn't stop for long. I didn't know what I was running from, but the fear that had acclimated forced me to run. Whatever it was, my body was in fight or flight and my senses told me it was something life-threatening.

An assortment of tally marks stained my skin, and though I knew I was the one who put them there, I couldn't remember why and that chilled me to the bone. The marker pen in my pocket seemed to dig into my flesh as my ears caught a gurgling sound behind me. My head turned slowly to face the noise as my hand grappled to pull the pen from my jeans as the creature came into view. My body felt as though it was sinking into the ground as I scrambled against the ground.

The wind seemed to pick up out of nowhere as it lumbered closer to me, kicking sand into the air around us. I groaned in pain as it blew into my eyes, blinking furiously.

My mind felt fuzzy as the sand finally cleared and I sat up, shaking my head to clear it before standing. My heart was beating a million miles an hour, but I didn't understand why. Fresh markings littered my skin and I stared at them, questions and fears rolling around in my head. My eyes watered as I scraped through my mind to work out what was happening but all I could work out was I was terrified and whatever I was terrified of was causing me to lose my memory.

I let out a few sobs as I fought off my panic before huffing out a long sigh. Now wasn't the time to break down, now was the time I needed to run and find someone who knew what was happening. I had to keep moving. I was in a desert with no food or water and was constantly moving. I wasn't stupid, I knew I had days to live in this condition and I didn't know how long I had been running for.

In the past hour, I had gained a total of 11 extra tallies despite the empty desert around me. My legs were barely holding me up, knees trembling with exertion but I forced myself to keep going. I longed for the wheezing of that beautiful blue box to fill the dry air, desperate to feel the cold metal of her interior on my scorched flesh. And that madman's voice to just tell me everything was okay, that he had fixed everything and I was safe but I had slowed to a stumble.

I didn't have the energy to run anymore and soon I would collapse, the sand would cover me and I would be forgotten to the world. There was no TARDIS on the horizon, no Doctor to save me and no Ponds to make me feel better.

Precious tears streamed down my face as my body gasped for breath, pain flaring through my body as my knees buckled beneath me. I didn't want to die, not like this and not in such a beautifully dangerous place but as hope drained from my body, I was slowly coming to terms with it.

"Y/N!" My head snapped up at the voice and my eyes zeroed in on the gorgeous blue monument ahead of me. "Don't give up, keep going," I scoffed at the hallucination of the Doctor, of course, it was him my dying brain would imagine. "You're nearly there now, Love." I clambered to my feet unsteadily, if I was going out then I might as well use every ounce of energy.

The sun glared into my eyes as I trudged along, feet slipping against mounds of sand. The TARDIS seemed to get closer and I had a horrible feeling that as soon as I reached her, I was going to die. She was like my light that people warned you not to walk into. So be it, I'd die happy if they were my afterlife.

"Nearly there, come on, you can do it." He coaxed me closer, holding open the door as I kicked up sand in my fight to reach him. I held my hand out towards the Timelord, his hallucination blurred by tears as I closed my eyes to welcome death.

But death never came. Instead, my hand was met with the calloused skin of another as fingers curled around my own. He was never a hallucination.

My eyes shot open as the hand pulled me forward, the familiar creaking of the TARDIS door behind me, as I all but fell into the police box and into waiting arms. The pen in my pocket clattered to the floor as I gripped the tweed jacket and buried my head against the time lord.

"I know, you're safe, Love, just breathe." My sobs echoed through the console as my body became overwhelmed with relief and pain, dragging me through a tidal wave of emotion.

I gasped as we sunk to the floor; pain, exhaustion, confusion, fear, relief, and happiness all at once. The chest beneath my head vibrated as softly spoken words carried me through the feelings.

"I've got you, you're safe," he whispered into my ear, my gasps settling to shuddering breaths. "I'm so sorry Y/N," my body leant against him bonelessly as his hand smoothed over my hair, the other rubbing gentle circles into my back. "That's it, good job, Love." Silence followed as I clung to him, the ambience of the TARDIS comforting me. After a few minutes, I tilted my head to look into those beautifully old eyes and smiled weakly.

"Knew you'd find me," I whispered, ignoring my hoarse throat. "Cutting a bit short weren't you." I teased, his green eyes glazed with tears as he smiled down at me, wiping my cheeks gently.

"We had some trouble," he chuckled, "Someone didn't want us to find you but I couldn't let that slide now could I? Not for one of my favourite humans eh?" I forced my arms to wrap around him, gripping the back of his jacket in a hug and buried my head in his neck as the past few days caught up with me.

I was safe now, my body had clocked on to that fact. I couldn't help how my eyes slipped closed as I relaxed into the Timelord's grip, finally letting my body and mind shut down to recover from the ordeal.

He would always save me, no matter what.

[aithusarosekiller]

fic recs, some positivity for your blog!!

(all on ao3, it's all i use)

"only the brave" by solmussa is genuinely my favourite fic ever (in my years of obsessive fanfic reading), it's got jegulus, wolfstar, dorlene, rosekiller, pandalily, amazing ocs (elspeth fawley my love my darling my beloved), MOONWATER FRIENDSHIP SUPREMACY, regulus being an evil (not actually) mastermind and literally i like fucking cannot. i cant even begin to describe how much i love this fic, 100/10 absolutely recommend reading if you haven't already [completed, 64 chapters, 645k words]

"go east" by xinasvoice is a wolfstar howls moving castle au, literally need i say more [completed, 11 chapters, 84k words]

"threes family" and it's sequel "eights company" by darkbluedark, im obsessed with marauders time travel fics if you couldn't tell [threes family is complete, 5 chapters, almost 20k words; eights company is a wip, 3 chapters, 15k words]

"the golden king" by maladaptivewriting, another time travel fic!! jegulus, wolfstar, drarry, regulus being a slayboss icon as per usual [wip, but already has 123 chapters and almost 500k words]

"like real people do" by arins_writings has jegulus, wolfstar, dorlene, time travel (yippie!!!), enemies to lovers, forced (ish) proximity and all sorts of shit that makes my autism happy [completed, 60 chapters, 201k words. sequel is a wip, 6 chapters, 16k words]

"into the dark" by phantomgrimalkin another time travel fic!!! wolfstar, jily, drarry, bastard rat ass motherfucker albus dumbledore [complete, 20 chapters, 88k words]

"(i will) wear you down" by rainiris is an amazing motherfucking concept, really slow updates but is absolutely worth it. jegulus, wolfstar, marylily, dorlene, past jily (and harry!), basically regulus fakes his death but james goes looking for him, the cutie patootie [wip, 18/32 chapters, 121k words]

"you only live twice" by drift99 is also really good, it's wolfstar, jily (jegulily later on ehehe), polyamory time travel bullshit (literally my favourite kind of bullshit). remus and hermione saving the world, underrated friendship tbh [completed, 47 chapters, 95k words]

"anti-hero" by rweoutofthewoods has jegulus, wolfstar, bamf regulus, moonwater friendship!!! regulus fakes his death, but remus finds him. platonic soulmates istg. also has marylily but it doesn't end well for them :((… [completed, 41 chapters, 237k words]

"dear your holiness" by mollymarymarie is basically, at it's barest bones, a wolfstar fleabag au. priest remus lupin, modern au, sorta-partly-kinda texting fic, very very sacrilegious, and a happy ending! [completed, 12 chapters, 142k words]

"saccharine" by moonymoment is a sweet little (maybe not little, but shorter than my usual 100k+ word fics) wolfstar modern ghost au! background jily, happy ending, basically sirius is a ghost that haunts remus' apartment and its really domestic

if you've read any/all of these pls lmk what you think i love to talk about the marauders

OMG HIIII

I also only use ao3 so don't you even worry 😭 ao3 is my baby I live there

THIS IS PERFECT TIMING bc i started only the brave last year big for some reason stopped? Idk if it was school work or something but I've been telling myself that this summer im gonna read it all the way through because I remember loving the writing and the story so I can't wait to sit and get all the way through it again. I've already seen so many spoilers but I'm gonna pretend I haven't 💀

I've been subscribed to the golden king since Reg's first Diagon trip and it LOVE IT SO MUCH 😭 the bond with Harry, the relationship with Sirius creeping back, the entire MESS with James. I love it. So good.

Okay about like real people do 😭 I SWEAR I MUST HAVE READ IT???? I love time-travel and I love Jegulus and I love long fics....and I SWEAR it rings a bell in my mind so tell me why I just went over to ao3 to double check and I literally cannot remember it 😞 maybe I read a bit then lost the tab???? Or started smth else and forgot to go back???? Either way it's going back onto the tbr bc why the hell would I not have read it all that's insane. Thank you for reviving my pea-memory so I can come back to this one 🙏

I LOVE ANTI HERO SO SO MUCH DUDE like I remember reading it last year and not putting my phone down until it was done, it's a PROBLEM. Whenever I think about reg lives I think about that even when I've read so many others with the concept it's just so...AAAAA. The desert scene of forever stuck in my mind for some reason idk 😭

I personally will probably not read the others (the people who know my blog could smell this coming, I see you) because wolfstar and jily aren't really my thing anymore (I dealt with a few elitist/aggressive fans over the years which has unfortunately just completely put me off being able to enjoy any content for them anymore :( still makes me sad icl) but!! I will tag it with them so all the people who DO love them can see these recs and go and read them if they haven't already because the premises look SO cool

[agirlwithdemonblood]

The Celebrity Next Door: Chapter 11 - Broken Glass, Mended Hearts

Pairings: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Chapter Summary: Jensen reaches out to Y/N, regretting everything that was said and done.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of injuries, panic and tears.

Series Masterlist here!! & Main masterlist here!

When I was 12, I broke my leg.

I remember crying so hard, thinking the pain would never end. It was the worst pain I've ever experienced, and I was terrified I'd never get better, but I did.

Whenever I faced pain-physical or emotional, I always reminded myself; nothing hurt as much as my broken leg. It always helped me push through.

But this new type of pain was unlike anything i've experienced before. My heart felt shattered, my body numb, and my mind screaming like it never has before. This pain made my broken leg seem minor. It terrified me, making me doubt if i could ever recover.

There was no cast for this kind of hurt. I didn't know where to begin.

I'm not sure how long it had been since I left Jensen's, but the setting sun and creeping night suggested it was well into the evening. I hadn't moved from my spot against the wall, too scared and shocked to stand. The tears had finally stopped, leaving me sitting there empty and broken.

His words echoed in my head. "Maybe it's true." Deep down, I always knew I wasn't worth it. I wasn't enough.

Who was I kidding?

He was a celebrity, and I was just me-ordinary, with no interesting job, no talents, not even looking as attractive as the other girls around. I had fooled myself into thinking I could ever be with someone like him.

Anxiety rose, and I closed my eyes tightly, trying to block out the thoughts. I considered going outside for air, or a change of scenery, but I couldn't bring myself to move.

Glancing at my legs stretched out in front of me, I noticed the pool of blood beneath my foot. Right-the glass. I didn't bother to check or bandage it after I removed it.

As soon as I got home, I collapsed against the wall in a flood of tears, my emotions overwhelming me like an earthquake. I sighed deeply, slowly returning to reality as exhaustion set in.

Loud knocking on the door made me flinch, but I stayed put, unwilling to see anyone or get up. The knocking persisted, I knew who it was, but I couldn't face him. Not like this.

The house fell silent, the knocking ceased. Then a new sound filled my ears. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping.

Over and over again.

Rolling my eyes, I reached into my sweater and grabbed my phone with slightly shanking hands. Tears welled up as I saw Jensen's name, along with multiple messages.

Pulling myself off the floor, a small whimper escaped my lips as the wound on my heel touched the wood. I staggered to the door, my heart pounding, anxiety rising. I wasn't ready to face him, especially after everything that had been said. It was humiliating.

I slowly unlocked the door and opened it, keeping my head down. I only knew he was there by the sight of his shoes, and the hitch in his breath upon seeing me.

Turning away from him, I limped back to the wall where I had spent the past hours, sliding back into my spot. His footsteps followed me, slow but determined, until he stood right in front of me.

He let out a heartbreaking sight, his hand gently turning my foot towards him. I debated hiding from him, but I knew he wouldn't leave until he knew I was okay.

He winced and gasped as his his eyes met the wound on my heel, "Fuck, this must really hurt." he whispered.

I remained silent.

He stood and walked to my kitchen. The sound of the tap running and drawers opening caught my attention, filling me with guilt. Here he was again, taking care of me, forced back into my life out of pity.

I didn't even realize he had returned until my foot was lifted onto his lap, causing me to hiss in pain.

Almost inaudibly, he mumbled, "Sorry." the word heavy with a different kind of weight. His eyes remained focused on the task, furrowing his eyebrows in concentration so adorably, that it was frustrating.

The longer we sat in silence, the heavier the tension grew. Every gentle touch of his fingers on my skin intensified the twinge of heartbreak.

With a sigh, he finished his work, patting my foot gently before standing to clean up the torn bandage wrappers and bloody tissues.

I stayed still, head low, avoiding his gaze as best as I could. I knew if I looked into his eyes, I'd dissolve into a puddle of sadness and tears.

He returned, crouching inches away from where I sat. I swallowed hard, the words threatening to spill out, the only three I wanted to say, but that wouldn't be fair. He spoke first.

"Are you going to leave me?" he whispered, his voice trembling.

I turned slightly, swallowing hard. "You should be the one leaving me, not the other way around."

He shook his head, his hand moving to my knee with such tenderness I almost didn't feel it. "You did nothing wrong. I don't want us to end, but I know how badly I messed up..."

I wiped a tear from my eye, frowning. "You only spoke the truth."

He moved closer, his hands finding my cheeks, gently turning my face to meet his tear-filled eyes. I almost broke down at the sight.

"Please! Please believe me when I say that what I said was the furthest thing from the truth. I know I can't take it back, and I know I hurt you, but I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. I'm the one whos fucked up."

I shook my head, tears streaming down. I desperately wanted to believe him, knowing he didn't mean to hurt me. But deep down, I still felt unworthy. I knew a celebrity like him would never fall for someone like me.

"No, your not fucked up. You're everything. You're handsome, smart, talented... I'm nothing."

A sob escaped him, and I turned to face him directly as he broke down. "You're everything Y/N. I'm sorry you can't see it, and I'm sorry I'm part of the reason why but you... God. I can't even describe how much I love you."

I froze as his words broke through my defenses, finally one of us said those three words we both feared. I moved closer, my hand finding his knee as I stared into his tear-soaked green eyes. "What?"

He shook his head, wiping his eyes. "I love you. I love you more than anything. I messed up, I know that. I got scared... so scared you were going to leave me."

"Why would you ever think that?" I whispered.

"Because when you came back after talking to her, I thought it was over. I thought she convinced you to leave me, just like she did. Even though I was with her for a long time, I've never felt this much love for someone. When you said you wanted to go home, I thought it was the end. I lashed out, and it was wrong. I can't apologize enough..."

I stared in awe at the man before me, feeling relief wash over me. I knew he was right; he didn't mean it. And as much as I still doubted my worth, I knew he would love me despite it all.

I grabbed his arm, pulling him closer, smiling at the slight confusion on his face. I climbed onto his lap, wrapping my arms around him tightly, refusing to let him break. His head rested against the crook of my neck as sobs racked his body.

"I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry Y/N." He cried out, breaking my heart with his pain.

I nodded, kissing his head. "I know. I'm sorry too."

He lifted his head, gazing into my eyes. "For what?"

"For not telling you sooner. I love you so much, Jensen."

I saw his heart skip a beat, a small smile spreading across his lips. "You do?"

"I do."

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter 11 coming soon stay tuned!

Like, comment, and reblog, feedback is my fuel 💕

[girls-alias]

Have A Little Faith - Dean Winchester P11

Title: Have A Little Faith - Dean Winchester Part 11

Words: 924

Relations: Dean Winchester X Reader

TW: SPOILERS S1E12

Part 10

We drove into town and found a motel. When Sam turned the car off I sat forward. "I'll get us a room if you get him to a doctor?" I asked and Sam nodded starting the engine again.

"What, I don't get a say in this?" Dean asked pretending to be offended. I laughed.

"No," I replied before leaning forward and kissing his cheek. I grabbed my bag from the boot before heading to the reception area. I thought as I walked. My brain started ticking away and something didn't seem right. If this guy is the real deal why isn't every hunter using him as their nurse? I couldn't stop thinking. I was so deep in thought that I got a fright when I almost walked into a wall not watching where I was going. I shook it away.

I walked into the reception area and asked for two double bedrooms, the woman at the desk accepted my payment and handed me the keys. I carried my bag to one of the rooms and let myself in. I instantly put my bag down and got my laptop out. I just couldn't shake the feeling that something shady was going on. I started doing as much research as I could, anything I could find. I seemed to be coming up with nothing. I sighed as I rubbed my eyes. Maybe I'm just overthinking it. My phone ringing beside me caught my attention I answered with a smile.

"Hey, baby. We're heading back to the motel now, what room are you in?" Dean asked through the phone instantly making me smile.

"I'm in room 18, what did the doctor say?" I asked getting up from the bed and walking away from the laptop sick of seeing the words taunting me on the screen.

"She said that my heart was perfectly healthy. It's a miracle," He performed making me laugh.

"Well, I'm really glad, I can't wait to see you," I smiled.

"I can't wait for that thing you promised, I might believe in the Lord," Dean joked in a seductive tone and my brain finally clicked.

"Wait, what did you say? Say it again," I quickly instructed as I rushed back to my laptop.

"I can't wait for that thing you promised," Dean answered slightly confused.

"No after that," I explained as I tapped away on my laptop.

"I might believe in the lord," Dean answered very confusedly.

"I have to go see you soon, kiss kiss," I said quickly before hanging up and dropping the phone on the bed before typing as quick as I could.

When sudden footsteps approached the motel door I rolled into action literally. I rolled off the bed and instantly grabbed my gun from my bag. I cocked it and aimed it at the door. The door swung open with force, I stiffened my trigger finger ready to shoot when I noticed it was Dean. I sighed with relief and stood up, Dean only just noticed me as I was peeking from the bottom of the bed. He looked worried, I was confused as he stormed over to me.

"Are you okay? What happened?" He asked quickly grabbing me and looking me over. I looked at him confused.

"What are you talking about?" I asked as Sam closed the motel door and started searching the room. "What is going on?" I asked grabbing their attention.

"You hung up, you sounded off," Dean explained but I laughed. He looked at me confused.

"I had an idea, I think something going on with the preacher," I explained going to my laptop to show the boys my research.

"See, I told you something is going on," Dean bragged to Sam as Dean approached me sitting behind me to look at the screen over my shoulder. He hugged me from behind slightly making me smile.

"Well, I thought the whole thing was odd, you know. If this guy is the real deal why wouldn't the evil in the world try and kill him or why haven't hunters claimed him as their nurse, that's when I remembered something weird he said," I explained looking between Sam and Dean to make sure they were listening. Sam took a seat on the back of the couch to face us. "The preacher said and I quote." "It is a lord who does the healing," I quoted and looked at the guys to see if they pieced it together as well but they were just looking at me confused. "Dean on the phone you said that you believed in 'THE' Lord, the bible referring only to one God. So, why did the preacher say 'A' Lord like it wasn't God? I did some research and found a Lord of healing, Jehovah Rapha," I explained turning the laptop to show them the search results I got. "God referred to himself as Jehovah Rapha multiple times in the bible, I was thinking that if a demon were posing as God they wouldn't be able to say or hear God's name. They might call themselves Jehovah Rapha," I explained and Sam looked confused.

"But why would a Demon be healing people?" Sam asked so I sighed.

"That's the part I get stuck on," I sighed looking at Dean for answers.

"Can I see the laptop?" Sam asked so I nodded and smiled. Sam started tapping away on the computer seeming to instantly zone out, I leant back into Dean so he wrapped his arms around me fully and kissed my head.

Masterlist

Working On

[dogboystory]

A/N: i will be continuing this (~_~)

TAGS: Bucky is actually kinda insane in this one ngl, Reader, Yanderé? Bucky, Fear, Helplessness, Reader actually tries to fight for themselves for once

DARK! BUCKY X READER

NUMBER 19

My new neighbour scares the hell out of me.

He's unlike anyone I've ever seen; broad, broodish, and impeccably disciplined. He only leaves his apartment at night, and he does it with such stalking grace that I didn't notice him leave on the first few occasions.

But my curiousity peaked, and I couldn't help myself.

Around 11:30PM, though his depature time changes each night, I stealthily creep to my door and peak through the looking glass. Cast in shadow, his door creaks open.

My pulse quickens, though I'm unclear why. I feel like I could be caught, at any moment.

But I'm not doing anything wrong.

To avoid being obvious, I withdraw from my hiding spot, slowly inhale, and then shakily peer back into the hallway.

The clock strikes 11:32PM, and I frown while searching frantically.

Why isn't he out yet?

"It's rude to stare."

I choke and whip around. My eyes widen impossibly.

In the lamplight that he's tactically avoided, I struggle to find him. For a split second, I convince myself that the voice was a hallucination, or my subconsious chiding me.

But then I see him.

My terrifying neighbour is leaning, casually, against my bedroom door.

My hands twitch for the door. His eyes catch it, and I must be going insane, because I swear the corner of his lip twitches too.

"Get the fuck out," I shake relentlessly, and blame it on anger; how dare he? "If you don't get out within five fucking seconds, I'll scream."

The man doesn't move. At all. Almost like his muscles were chiseled of pure stone. He blinks.

I despise the way he looks at me like I'm overreacting — Like I'm the insane one.

"One-"

"I saw the way that receptionist looked at you." He interrupts, voice low and controlled.

I blankly stare, in utter terror. Confused and astounded at his impudence. "What?"

"Maybe you didn't notice," He hums, "but he looked at you like you were a piece of meat; his toy to ruin and throw out."

Uncontrollably, I scoff. "I don't know if you've noticed, Mr. hero complex, but most men look at people like that. Now, can you kindly fuck-"

"I killed him."

My heart seizes in my throat. The ticking clock, the blaring traffic outside, it all fades into nothingness.

Tremouring, I reach for the door.

"You're lying."

"Then why are you scared?" He counters, and I blanch when I realise he's closer than before.

"Because a fucking stranger broke into my-" I yell in outrage, but his gloved hand clamps my jaw shut. Instinctively, I claw for his thumb, but he slams me into the frail door.

I cry out, though his force winded me, and my voice is subdued by his palm.

"Shut the fuck up," he breathes into my ear, "before I do something about it."

I desperately inhale, and search for a weapon. My doorway is barren apart from the shoes halfhazardly strewn around.

When I inevitably halt my fighting, he unfurls his iron grip on my jaw.

"You don't have to believe me," the man whispers, tauntingly, "but it's true. He doesn't get to stare at what's mine anymore. And I'll slice up the next fucker that tries, just like him."

The tears stream down my cheeks freely. His height impares me from seeing my apartment, so I'm helplessly trapped against his frame. The world feels dauntingly small, compared to him.

I find myself searching his eyes, in hopes he'll regain composure and realise how fucking insane he is. But this pleading attitude just seems to stirr him on.

"You should get better security."

And with that, he's gone.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][]

Surprisingly, I invest in better security.

It would've been begrudgingly, if I weren't so petrified.

That night, I lock all of my windows and barricade the door. A kitchen knife was religiously kept by my side, and I jumped at every slight noise from the Brooklyn outdoors.

It was futile to attempt sleep, so I scowled the internet for affordable security options.

My mind was racing, akin to my pulse, about calling the police.

Would he know? There's no possible way for him to know, not until they arrive at the apartment entrance.

But it feels too risky. So I wait until morning; cornered in my room, with the knife clenched in my hands as if it'll be ripped away.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][]

Twelve hours after my neighbour broke into my apartment, my packages arrive downstairs.

Internally, I'm screaming at myself.

You can't go outside, are you insane?

It's not much safer in here.

But he's right there. What if he attacks me, when I open the door?

Surely I'd be able to fend him off, right? Someone would hear, or I'd use the kitchen knife.

No one heard you last night.

Arguing with myself for an hour was exhausting, and eventually I came to a conclusion; I'm better out there, than in here. At least until I set up the locks and alarms.

I creep up to my door, fully aware of the similarities between now and last night. I anxiously slip into some shoes and clasp the knife that I've hidden in my jacket.

The lock clicks unbearingly loud. I wait with baited breath.

Nothing happens.

Of course nothing happens, you fucking idiot. Stop being a pussy and get the one goddamn thing that's going to keep you safe.

I yank open the door and sprint down the hallway, without glancing at his door. My palms sweat around the handle of the knife, as I fly by the apartments designated fire escape and down the croaky old stairs.

In the lobby, my package awaits in the mail box. Each apartment number is listed and accompanied by the tenants last names.

Adjacent to my locker, I notice a new name:

No.19

B. Barnes

That bastard.

The key feels heavy and unstable in my trembling hand, then I pause.

My eyes search, desperately, around the reception. Behind the desk, a woman notices my frozen form. She's applying creamy red lipstick in her compact mirror.

"You alright, sugar?" She smiles politely.

I nod, but I know something feels odd.

Several uniformed men bustle through the doors.

"This is the police, this building is required to go into lockdown."

Barnes wasn't lying.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][]

TO BE CONTINUED

[guppybubbles]

Sweet Dreams are Made of This. [1/3]

(A/N: Kind of a sequel to my other fic, ROLL ME A 6 ! :> You don't need to read that though to understand this!)

Borrower Tommy accidentally shifts into a universe where his homebrew DND world is real. He still sucks at being a giant.

WORD COUNT: 1,341 words

WARNINGS: None.

"Tommy opened his eyes and what he saw was unlike anything he's seen before…"

Tommy listened in anticipation. What could it be? A new friend, a new foe? He looked at his dad, a smug little smile barely hidden by his serious storytelling.

 

"And we'll find that out in the next session."

Halfway through his sentence, he and his brothers already knew it was the end of their game for the day. All groaning and complaining about Phil leaving it in such a dumb cliffhanger, Phil only laughed. 

It couldn't have been hours already, had it? They barely started! He still had to redeem himself and his character into great glory! "No, come on, let's do one more hour— please, please?" He begged, holding onto one of Phil's fingers like he had all the power to hold him down and force him into another round. 

With his other hand, Phil picked up the die and tossed it into the container— folding up the map before putting it back in the box. Tommy knew it was over, they'd start another session again sooner or later. 

But he wanted to do another hour, or maybe two more, now. "Pleasee, I rolled so low every turn, I need to redeem myself!" 

"I wish we could continue, mate." Phil smiled, "But I got work tomorrow and it's already…" He stared at the clock, making a surprised sound at the 11:48 PM on the wall. Phil cursed under his breath, gently, slowly pulling his hand away from Tommy’s hold. "Alright, get to bed you three." 

The blond borrower knew there was no convincing Dad anymore. He crossed his arms with a humph, upset with his bad luck during the game. "Cheer up, Toms! I'm sure luck will make you do justice next time." Wilbur consoled, pushing his chair into the table and picking up the box with their fantasy map and die. 

“You are horrible at throwing the die for me,” Tommy grumbled, narrowing his eyes at his older brother who had offered to throw the dice for him earlier. Wilbur’s luck when it came to the game was pretty good, yet whenever he tossed the die for Tommy, the luck seemed to plummet- doing worse than when the borrower himself threw the die. 

In the corner of his eyes, he could see Wilbur’s lips press into a thin line. He was stopping himself from being amused at Tommy’s anger. “It really wasn’t on purpose.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Tommy replied. Not upset at Wilbur, nor was he upset at the game. He swears he would be able to throw the dice better if he was just… more human-sized. 

“You’ll do better next game, I’ll make sure of it,” Wilbur promises.

Tommy looks at him incredulously, slightly laughing. “What, are we gonna cheat or something?”

In response, Wilbur shrugged, a playful smile tugging at his lips. “Dunno, maybe.”

Holding the game board, he placed his other hand on the desk. A trust exercise that slowly grew into a habit none of them thought was strange anymore, Tommy hopped on the hand and held onto the fingers for support. He used to have to walk from place to place, no matter how far it was because the big man was too stubborn to accept and ask for help. In response, they all worked together to install little stairs everywhere so Tommy would at least be able to reach things without having to heave himself up with a rope and a hook. He almost cried in front of them because of how much he appreciated the gesture. 

That night, Tommy lay in his bed, uncharacteristically quiet as he stared at the ceiling. His room looked so much like a human's room- constructed by his family after nearly a year of accidentally revealing himself to them. It wasn’t exactly like him to be upset for the dice throws during the game, it really wasn’t Wilbur’s fault. On a good day, he throws exceptionally well for Tommy’s character too. 

But Tommy isn’t upset about the dice, is he?

It was never the dice, never Wilbur, never his family, but him. 

If he was truly meant to be their family, then couldn’t the universe make him human? Did he seriously have to be something that was never allowed to mingle with larger beings? It was a written code since the beginning of time that borrowers were never allowed to be with humans. Never share anything, what you are, what your name was. Most importantly, never be seen. 

Were they never supposed to be a family then? Did he have to break the borrower’s code just to be a part of something he’s not supposed to? He’s not a borrower anymore, he knows that. He barely even follows the code anymore, but he’s not human either. Too exposed to be a borrower, too small to be a human.

Then what was he?

Tommy released a loud, exasperated sigh. His calloused hands rubbed over his face. He knows he shouldn’t think about such things, but lately, he’s been more aware than ever. He notices how Techno looms over him when they do woodwork together, Wilbur’s singing voice goes from soothing to too loud, and Phil barely gives him any chores (Maybe he shouldn’t complain about that one, actually).

They don’t mean it, of course, they didn’t. They probably don’t even notice it as well. Something so small and insignificant to them could be so overwhelming for him. He just wants to be bigger, to fit in… 

He should go to sleep. He'll forget about it tomorrow and everything will continue on like it usually does (until the nagging feeling returns and he feels like he's rotting in bed).

Goodnight, me. Tommy closed his eyes, unable to rid of the heavy weight in his chest. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

If Tommy could recall this correctly— and while he may not have the best memory, he can certainly tell when something is just plain wrong… He fell asleep on his bed, right?

His eyes blurred as he gained consciousness and though he wasn't aware of where he was— he could sense danger even from a mile away. His shoulders ached, raised high above him. Something was holding his arms upwards. Cold, tight metal gripping his wrists, uncomfortably pressing into his skin. He tried tugging it downwards, but it barely moved. 

Instead of lying on a soft, warm bed, it felt like he'd been kneeling for Prime knows how long. His legs felt numb, ringing uncomfortably no matter how much he tried to move. It didn't matter because he was stuck in place. 

It was hot. Sweat was dripping from his forehead to his nose and down to either his clothes or the floor (he made a mental note that he wasn’t wearing his pajamas). 

He sucked in a deep breath, humid air filling his lungs in a way that didn't calm him down, but just made him panic more. 

Tommy's vision began clearing up and despite the little ache in his neck, he decided to look around. The room was dimly lit, weak artificial lighting barely reflecting the big, metal room he resided in. 

There were mini stairs and platforms built around him. The platforms in front of him connected through the middle and had a door on each side of the wall. Above the platform in the wall in front of him was glass, he couldn't make out anything inside, it was darker than the room he was in.

The metal room he sat in was quite spacey. The ceiling was quite high but he couldn't stand up even if he attempted to— his ankles were chained as well, shorter in length compared to the ones around his wrist. Tommy struggled against the chains, everything looked so.. small yet so oddly detailed. 

Where was he? Who were these stairs for? Were there more beings smaller than a borrower? Prime, how would they even look next to a human?

Does his family know where he is right now..?

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

yayaya thank you sm for reading! & holy shit guppy writing fics comeback??? no way!!!

[444meat]

this post is a bit long but please read it if you do not have a sleep disorder, more specifically if you don't have a circadian rhythm disorder, i need y'all to understand something

i never thought i would have to write this, but yes, sleep disorders can be incredibly disabling. my sleep disorder is a disability.

i had to drop out of highschool as soon as i was legally able to do so. i had health issues my entire life, both physical and mental, but the brunt of my physical health issues started when i was fourteen. i had to repeat grades and certain classes due to frequent absences. by the time i was sixteen, i could not attend school without a manual wheelchair. as a young adult now, i can't leave my house without a powerchair if i'll be expected to walk more than five minutes, and even then, it's much better for me to just use one unless it's totally impossible. on top of that, i experience flu-like symptoms that make leaving my house extraordinarily difficult. by the time i dropped out, these symptoms were disabling enough to keep me home, though they were not as bad as they are now.

i bring this up to point out that i am otherwise physically disabled, and to carry on to say that these symptoms were not the driving factor to me dropping out. living in a major city, there is a significant chance that i could have found a school to attend which could accommodate me. it would not be easy and i would still have a much harder time than other students, but it would be an avenue worth exploring. i would be able to try it. considering my financial situation, i would have been able to afford a private school. i could do online schooling. there were options.

because of my sleep disorder, we literally could not even look.

my waking hours vary wildly from day to day. sometimes for weeks at a time i will wake up after sunset and fall asleep after the sun has risen. i've had weeks where my sleep schedule more closely resembled friends i had made on the other side of the world than people i knew in person. even then, i cannot properly adjust to being awake at night, because there are also times when i'm awake on a seemingly normal schedule.

i briefly attended an asynchronous online school before dropping out. it was the best one i could access. it was awful. the lessons were bad, the teachers were bad, the work was bad... not even only in quality. there was a lot of ableism and other bigotries that demoralised me. because i couldn't attend the virtual classes due to my sleep schedule, i also fell behind academically, and because of my other health issues, i didn't have the energy to catch up.

making doctors appointments is terrifying because i never know what my sleep schedule will be like when the time comes. most doctors in my area are extremely booked. i've missed a rheumatology appointment and had to reschedule for six months in the future, and because i had to stop taking my pain meds from GI side effects and my allergy meds stopped working, i had to go without any medication that entire time. i physically cannot force myself to wake up without getting enough sleep because my body is fragile and i will start experiencing severe & unbearable symptoms of my other disorders. these cannot be pushed through. i cannot even try.

the "best doctor" for circadian rhythm issues in my area — a major city, might i remind you — only takes patients during early morning hours. this is not a joke. despite the most common circadian rhythm disorder causing people to wake up late and fall asleep late, the guy who is the "best" for treating them doesn't see people after 11 am. it is easier for me to maintain a 'wake up at 3pm, fall asleep at 6am' schedule than a 'wake up at 3am, fall asleep at 6pm' schedule. i cannot see this doctor. when i briefly managed one appointment with his secretary, she just told me to set an alarm and fall asleep at the same time every day. that was all of her advice. like i have not tried that.

as far as i'm aware, there is a single medicine approved to treat the condition i have. last time i checked, it costs something like three thousand US dollars a month. 6 times as much as my old heart meds, which were already very difficult to get covered, even with really good health insurance. the meds supposedly take months to even start working.

i had a delayed sleep wake rhythm my entire life and ran on very little sleep to get to school, to the point that i started uncontrollably falling asleep at school after my health issues started and necessitated more energy than my body had. my sleep cycle started moving forwards as it does now when i was sixteen. before i stopped attending, i would frequently attend school on 0 hours of sleep, get home, and fall asleep immediately.

the world is not built for people with circadian rhythm disorders. my sleep disorder makes functioning on a normative level impossible.

i NEED people without sleep disorders to stop treating this like it's some funky and low stakes thing to deal with. i am so tired of having people tell me they 'wish they could be nocturnal' or that they 'love staying up all night' when i tell them about my sleep disorder. you DO NOT want this, and this is VERY DIFFERENT from occasionally staying up late for fun. yes, being awake during nighttime hours can be freeing. it stops being freeing when you have no choice on the matter, have to be socially isolated for weeks on end, cannot reliably schedule doctors appointments, cannot attend school or work any job with specific hours, cannot maintain an eating schedule or a schedule for taking medication because you're never awake at normal times, etc etc etc.

and it's not as simple as taking melatonin. when i take melatonin it stops working after two uses and the times it does work i get at most 3 hours of non-restorative sleep and my sleep schedule either goes back to what it was before the next day or gets significantly worse much faster than it normally would. it's not as simple as not using screens. i've been in settings without screens for months and still had it happen. i've lied down for 8 hours trying to sleep and failed. there is no easy fix. this is how my body works.

yes it's a disability. no you don't want it. it's not a quirky character trait. think before you speak please.

a note: this is not intended to state that being otherwise disabled is not also a valid or genuine reason for dropping out of school. there's a good chance i would've had to drop out anyways, and i can't attend school now with how my symptoms have progressed, regardless of the sleep schedule. i wanted to illustrate how the combination of a sleep disorder and other chronic illness makes my life significantly more difficult and how it reduces my access to accommodations and care.

[moononmyfloor]

Dashing Youth Ep 22-25 Commentary

Ep 1-10, Ep 11-16, Ep 17-21, Ep 22-25, Ep 26-32, Ep 33-35, Ep 36-40

Ep 22

That's it. I've found my most favorite Cdrama character of the year. Do I love everything about him? No. Is he very relatable? No. Is he the best acting performance of the year? No. But heavens forbid if Master Li is written in a way that is just SO understandable and consistent for the setup of a sunny fearless youth who became an immortal and grew weary and bored with time, and decided to just stop with immortality and take one more chance at truly enjoying the mortal world so he could die satisfied. He's just so fucking intriguing to me I could write a 5 page essay about him! I guess I have already written about 2.5!

Dingzhi baby I wish you stop trying to hoard all your grievances and responsibilities in your heart all alone 😔 Tbh can't blame him, that's what happens when you were brutally stripped from your family and friends as a child and grew up with noone but an equally sad master, it stops occurring to you that you need to depend on other people sometimes. And it's not like Dongjun is the brightest bulb in the room to get a proper reading of everything Dingzhi is hiding behind his dazzling grins.

On the positive notes, Changfeng finally seems to be here to stay! Finally! They sleep seperated by a homophobic modesty table tho, boo

Ep 23

Presses play on Dashing Youth ep 23

*immeadietely spits tea out

Yeah I'm.... reading that dialogue.... bit differently. Cough

Help

me

What's going on 😭

Dude my bois were peacefully having their first time nobody asked you to invite yourself in huhu

That was so impolite to just crash and flash!!!

Oh my gods lol. Never make an enemy of Master Li. He will do planned cockblocking on you few decades in advance, AND make you and your partner the CEOs of his company, and sashay away to have his own honeymoon 🤣 You wouldn't have the time to say Jack Robinson.

I love how he developed a soft spot for Changfeng. I mean, who wouldn't

And Changfeng is like: I literally don't know how I got to this point of my life but boy I'm gonna have a good time

He's the underdog sidekick who ended up the ultimate winner and he wouldn't be able to explain how. He's so inspiring like all you have to do is being a nice person and mind your own business and treat your friends with honesty and the rest will work out by themselves.

Man I'm just so bloody uninterested in Dongjun/Yue Yao tho🤣

Dingzhi is that infamous bad boy in high school who is actually a doll and ends up winning over all the head-teachers to everyone's surprise

Ep 24

Ughh the wedding is going to take place I'm nauseous and I want to murder Wenjun's dad

Go, my boy. Even though you two will only get a pocket of happiness, you should get it. 😔

Ep 25

*screaming my head off

I fucking hate you so much. You are not a good guy but you aren't willing to full-on embrace that you are a bad guy either, which makes you a good politician and a good candidate for the throne and therefore the absolute worst scum. Bah.

Gods I think the last time I saw (and cared for) a het estranged couple (plus the girl being forced into a romantic/sexual arrangement she didn't want) was in Shaolin Wendao, but at least there was solace at the end of the story for the sheer agony the characters and the viewers went through. And I already know there will be none for Dashing Youth😭 Why am I doing this to myself.

I need to rewatch BoY just so I can see the younger gen stand up to the monarchy that their parents gen couldn't topple.

Grandparents: "For the greater good" let's downplay the corruption and raise our kids worry-free. If we close our eyes, the evil doesn't exist.

Parents: Dreamers, romantics, unprepared for the cruelty of the world, everyone gets heartbroken and traumatised for life

Kids: Fuck all this we can barely pay rent