#i did a read more bc i always talk a lot i didnt wanna be annoying lol........

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

reading the bluelock light novels and theres so many fun lil character traits and info thrown in (probably not on the wiki bc the LNs dont have an official english release yet)

isagi was a crybaby and a scardy cat as a kid

he was also really senitive to sounds and they’d make him cry (he just like me fr)

isagi’s always had really great spacial awareness and vision, even as a toddler

nagi lived at student dorms at hakuho academy (which explains why his parents dont live w/ him)

he got into hakuho, an elite tokyo prep school, with only two weeks of studying

there were two different rumors abt nagi amongst his classmates, one saying if you talked to him you’d be cursed with bad luck and the other saying youd find happiness after talking to him, the curse rumor is more popular 

(nagi my poor guy, his classmates think hes a weirdo just bc hes quiet an not interested in rich kid pissing contests)

he also has the nickname of ‘thousand year netaro’ bc he sleeps in class so much lmao

he doesnt study but still gets good grades, at least in social sciences

nagi helps his class win a volleyball tournament (that he was forced to participate in) despite knowing nothing abt the rules purely based off of his height, reflexes, trapping skills, and desire to finish the game quickly so he can go home lmao

bachira refers to his mother by her given name, yuu, which would typically be disrespectful af in japanese culture but in this context i think it just displays how close they are + the fact that bachira’s first/best friend is his mama :’)

he walked (dribbled), slept rough, and hitchhiked all the way to osaka from chiba prefecture for 5 days just to go see one of her art exhibitions too

he got a fortune from a shrine that literally read  that he will meet his “ 運命の相手” - unmei no aite, literally ‘partner of fate’ or ‘fated partner’, bachisagi soulmate-isms r crazy

he won a 4 on 1 fight with a bunch of delinquents in osaka

rin liked ice cream but really he’d be happy with anything as long as sae bought it for him

the itoshi bros played for the kamakura united youth club, which won the U15 national league

they shared a bedroom growing up

rin gets bad grades in every subject other than english bc hes too busy thinking abt football, and hes only good at english bc he wants to go pro and play internationally

rin got into horror movies and games only after sae left for spain, he likes the thrill they give him, especially splatter films

he found a scene of someone getting chopped up w/ a chainsaw calming after he had a rough day,, damn okay rin in there anything u wanna talk abt edgelord?

“Perhaps because of this stress, he has recently been watching shark movies at night, where sharks attack humans. It’s refreshing to see a giant man-eating shark attack and munch on humans.”  what a fuckin chuuni oml

sae got trending on japanese football twitter for scoring a hattrick for real madrid’s youth team

rin did the tongue-out-in-concentration/bloodlust thing pre-bluelock too apparantly

he didnt talk to sae whilst he was in spain bc he didnt want to bother him but he kept up news of him and thought abt him a lot

“He thought he would just shout out loud “I'm the best in Japan!” and hug him, but in reality, that didn't work out that way” <- rins first thought seeing sae after 4 years, excuse me whilst i sob

chigiri went to a ‘jitsugyo’ school, which is like a vocational tech or business school, it also has a foreign name (’lacosute’) so its probably a private school, maybe missionary?

chigiri likes cats awww, there was specially a stray black cat he’d talk to and buy karinto manju for

his ACL is attached to his knee in an odd which which is why he can run so fast

chigiri stopped cutting his hair after he quit going to his school’s football club once he finished rehab for his knee

reo got baya to hire him a whole team of ppl including a coach, nutritionist, nurse, etc once he decided on football, fuckin rich ppl i swear 

all the adults who worked w/ reo sing his praises but also said how cheeky he was lmaooo

reo was learning english, spanish, and german in preperation for going pro

he also got a specially made football training VR facility made for him this boy i swear

reo bribed the hakuho football club w/ fancy meat and the opportunity to meet idols to get them to put more effort in

immediately upon meeting nagi reo notices his height and how ‘cool’ and ‘intense’ his trapping is like okay fruit

[corvidae-00]

Tsudere /sub touch starved Jax in heat that pretends to hate the reader but does things to secretly be with them x a fem happy but smart Uzadere that loves being in the circus.She loves adventures,animals,cute things,fighting,food ect! lots of energy too but can be pretty insensitive and a little selfish with a little crush on jax. I feel like at first jax would completely reject liking her then he would be extra mean,then Maybe subconsciously know he likes her amd hates the feeling lol. cus he copes by trying to not have feelings and tries to act "tough". its pretty obvious that the reader is in love with him but his dumb ass cant catch on . She gives lots of compliments which makes him flustered and mad ( he is mad bc he thinks nobody likes him that much, he is mean to her to make her go away but it doesn't work ) but he pretends not to care. the reader would definitely confesses first tho. Sorry for such a long request its just that not many people write jax in this sorta way so i had to be detailed lol. also if you don't wanna use female pronouns you can make it non gender ofc 😅tysm for even reading such a long thing! and you don't have to do this at all lr you can switch it up. Anything is VERY appreciated tho😊 also i feel like max would be a massive virgin due to how annoying he is...he definitely a horny bitchless rabbit-

AHHHH! MY FIRST ASK ;0; Thank you!!! And i personally LOvE Jax- like its an issue 0-0 but im so happy to write for him first! your request is amazing and i truly love it! i hope i did it justice!!! i hope you dont mind HCs! if you did want a story just hit me back up in the answer box and ill write a lil something for ya! ;)

MDNI BELOW THE CUT+ Warnings: Smutty smut themes, bottom Jax <3- Cussing, swearing, the norm

The Reader definitely brought light to the Circus, when she first appeared she was the TALK OF THE TENT, everyone was happy to finally have someone around to liven up the place- > besides jax- the little shit made it his sole duty to make sure Reader was the punchline of his jokes or somehow always "in his way" and the Reader often got the butt of the assult. > Jax being Jax when the feelings for reader started to arise- he got scared- a little worried- upset even. More at himself than you but still pretty pissy- this just made the tourment wose oh lord- > Reader found this fun, more ways to annoy and poke and proad at Jax, finding his constant target on the Reader absolutely hilarious > Reader always calling the oblivious rabbit pet names!!! *Toots, Fluff butt, Shnookums (Only because it pissed Jax off and everyone would laugh), babes, Etc Etc, > Jax STILL oblivious to the reader ;0; taking it as her teasing him and pushing him and oh no we cant have that!!!! Jax haaates it. Secretly likes it HATES IT- >Despite the tension between the two Jax would often threaten Caine or sneak the other circus members things of value to be around reader. not knowing why- HE IS MADLY IN LOOOVE he wanted to be around Reader!! SMUT >Jax in heat is something i dont think even he saw coming- like they are digital code- BUT DAMN- > Stuck in his room alone humping a pillow and pulling his ears over his face embarrassed beyond belief at his own actions > Reader was coming to annoy Jax concerned why she didnt see him at breakfast (His favorite meal of the day may i add- >Knocking on his door reader had a shit eating grin "Sleeping in pookie?" She calls through the door only a groan and a loud huff was the response she got >Thats rude. Reader thinks and just assuming he is having one of his man period days- Reader enters his room- and boy is the sight she sees amazing- Jax face down and ass up with a pillow under his hips, face flushed a deep purple and his overalls down to his waist- > Reader and Jax are just staring at eachother with wide eyes >"G-GET OUT!!" "Nah i dont think i will" >Lets just say reader helps the little bunny get the relief he was so looking for- >They dont argue as much anymore-

----------------------------------------------------- THANK YOU FOR READING!!! I hope you enjoyed your request and it was too your liking! im still getting back into writing so its a slow process!! let me know what you think!!! thank you so much!!! <3333

[prestonmonterey]

hey so im v curious about like reality shifting and stuff but idk much about it and i have some questions

hii ok

im like

a bit eepy

but ill try to make my thoughts make sense

so

(forgive me, i wanna learn more about shifting and the community, but all of my knowledge comes from inherently critical sources, so im sorry if i come off as rude or anything, im not trying to be i genuinely want to learn more about this)

reality shifting

to my understanding

is like...kinda a combination of fiction/fanfic and dreaming.

and it stems from the idea of the multiverse?

and the idea. that you can exchange your consciousness with someones from another timeline/parallel universe

and usually this happens when youre dreaming or begins when you sleep

so

(also plz correct me if im wrong on any of the stuff above)

now onto question stuff

i think its pretty important, that like. a lot of the stuff ive seen around shifting and like, response to any criticism is basically like 'youre the only person holding yourself back" like, anyone can shift, so if you cant its your fault

and on one hand i guess this could be motivational? like as long as you try hard enough its possible?

basically i want to make sure it isnt hurting peoples self esteem or mental health

but also. i. had a similar experience with lucid dreaming when i was a kid. my mom had a phase about lucid dreaming and was telling me all about it and was like 'you should try it' so i did. i tried. over and over. to somehow just 'realize' i was dreaming and take control. it never worked for me. and my mom was like 'well i guess youre just not trying hard enough'

and it was really disheartening bc ive always had trouble with sleep (might have like. insomnia or something. ive never been able to sleep well through a full night even before my life was consumed by screens.) and ive always had extremely strange dreams. and in my waking mind of course i know that if my teacher turned into an octopus with an apple for a head (yes this did happen in a dream) i would definitely notice and be like 'hey, thats not right' but it doesnt work like that in dreams. in my dreams it kinda feels like my impulses control me and i dont have any sense of self or logic.

and it felt awful to be told that it was my fault that i couldnt do it.

i also know that lucid dreaming somewhat ties into shifting so thats one of my other concerns, bc ive never been able to lucid dream and i dont know if i ever will

also idk where to put this but like. safety is important to me. i have friends who shift and i want to make sure they arent like, actually at risk of dying? and even seperate from that im wondering if people use this as a form of escapism too often that it becomes unhealthy and like negatively affects other aspects of their life

next question: is there proof

of course theres going to be anecdotal evidence from individuals in the community, and thats super alright. but sometimes people make things up. and sometimes people tell made up things to young, impressionable children who carry those falsehoods into life. and im worried about that

ok so ive read like 1 artice about this all. but immediately it brought up a major red flag for me. it gave an example of a study on shifting. but. it didnt cite its sources

and if anyones wondering that is a huge no-no. anyone can make up conclusions from made up studies. the point of studies is to show that people who are properly educated and know what theyre doing support these claims.

now im not saying shifting is made up in any way. it just seems sketchy to me that seemingly widespread sources talk about studies but theres no links or anything. theyre basically saying 'i saw a thing about it. just trust me.'

also uhh...idk much about the multiverse. but from what i understand. it comes from the idea of free will. and that every time anyone makes a descision, a parallel universe is created where they made a different descision. so i get that that could change a lot of things about the world like the rate of inventions and industrialization and wars and stuff. but really the shifting that ive seen most is into more fantasy leaning worlds. and im kinda wondering how thats possible in the multiverse? like sure theres infinite timelines...but most of those timelines will just be like. the same as this one but samantha chose to put on her right sock first instead of her left sock or something. and physics still applies, right? so how does hogwarts exist? does hogwarts exist? if magic is real in a parallel universe, is it real here?

so basically to sum it up my main questions are:

how do we know shifting is possible for everyone?

is it safe? (mentally, physically etc)

is lucid dreaming necessary?

is there any proof or credible source that i can look to for more info?

and how does this tie into the multiverse theory

also if anyone has any information about scripting and like evrything about reality shifting that would be great

i wanna learn more but im afraid of finding misinformation

ty :3

[chimivx]

ok just reread nmwid with allll that context of cruel summer and i am heart broken even more than when i first read it JSAJJKSAJKA soobin is so perfect <3333 i am losing my mind AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

the whole argument with tae when she first arrives at the house all makes sense now. and she finally admits to him that she wished he just communicated with her instead of keeping secrets, which is all i was thinking when reading cruel summer lol. he never told her anything and i guess it was because he didnt wanna hurt her but in the end it hurt her even more, and himself too because there was just so much unspoken words between them. idk if them talking it out at night even did justice to what was left unsaid in the past, bc taehyun did hold back but jksajksakjsa idk idk idk!!!!

and i think if taehyun had just told beomgyu what he told her - that he wanted them to end up together bc they loved each other and realistically tae couldnt be with her, maybe they would have worked out. but idk , maybe something that happened when she was on break with soobin is why they never happened.

now i really wanna know what made gyu go no contact with her haha. i'm guessing it was another selfless act for her benefit just like how tae broke up with her and got with sana lol. theyre so messed up, but like it couldnt have gone any other way bc of how messed up their relationship was AAAAA. theres so much morally gray that i cant even say whats wrong or right. life just works out the way it does :(

but reading back with all the context, its nice to know she finally acknowledged her yearning is useless and that what she has right now with soobin and the 4 kids is good and that she doesnt need to go back to the what was in the past again. also the ending of nmwid still confuses me ajsjksajksa like i feel like the twins are beomgyu's, she even admits that, but why does joy think theyre taehyuns? if she knew about the 2 of them, she must have also known that beomgyu was involved too.....

anyways! lots of thoughts going on in my head haha. i am so glad you will be writing more for this universe, i love it so much <3

AHHHHH!!! You're so brave for doing that bestie omfg :''''')

Taehyun has and always will be HORRIBLE at conveying his true feelings. The man can never speak how he's truly feeling, or confront any of it. He'll try, and as an adult he begins to explore what that's like, but it's near impossible for him!

Reading NMWID is a rollercoaster even more so after Cruel Summer... You are BRAAAVE! <3

The morally grey, ugh, you're so right. It's like on one hand half of it is complete shit... but then WHY DOES IT MAKE SENSE! Ugh!!

Thank you for this, and thank you for reading!! <3

(imagine if taehyun did speak up and told mc & beomgyu what he thought should happen... sheeeeeesh....)

[kermiekermie]

btw heres some tumblr etiquette for the new twitter folks (feel free to rb):

yes, your likes can be public, but things you like wont come up on your followers' dash. ALWAYS RB ART AND CONTENT YOU LIKE!!

tags are just for rambling, usually. you can add tags to help people find your stuff (ex: #____ fanart, #character, #fandom, etc.) but you dont need to do that on rbs and just random shitposts. YOU CAN ADD SPACES TO TAGS! also, click enter before adding another tag orherwise youll get one big long tag

YOU DONT NEED TO TAG THINGS AS tw//___ LIKE ON TWITTER! add it in the tags as #tw ___ or #____ tw, then people can just filter that tag! (some people may also have ____ dont look tags that they filter for their personal triggers, use those if theyre your mutual as it makes things very easy imo)

for long posts (like in-depth explanations and arguments, analyzing content, etc.) use a read more divider. this makes scrolling a lot better bc you arent constsntly scrolling past massive walls of text. (on mobile, simply do :readmore: and press enter, and on desktop, click the 3 dots and add it!)

oh my god please fucking tag x reader fics if youre gonna write them i want to strangle the people who dont tag x readers

if u think ppl on twitter block a lot get ready for this! if you have a blank blog, blocked, youre a bot. if you post anything someone doesnt like, blocked. curate your experience! people (me included) arent very lenient with blocking and tend to check blogs much more here bc its easy to do, so just be careful if u dont wanna be blocked.

please respect dnis. its not that hard like actually

you can send asks and submissions anonymously! for asks, click the "send anonymously" button (not everyone has this feature turned on though!) and for submissions, log out and send your submission, and your url will not be attached!

arguing and discourse here is much more civil and in-depth than on twitter, because we dont have the character limit. yes, some ppl will still send you d34th threats instead of articulating themselves, but thats not nearly as common!!!!

don't tag mcyt posts with #minecraft or #mineblr. those r for pretty builds and minecraft updates and stuff. if u do this u are committing a cardinal sin and mineblr WILL deal w you......

genuinely, just be yourself! yes, "tumblr humor" is a thing that exists, but people will follow you for you and your content specifically, so dont feel pressured to talk and respond a certain way. i did that at first and tbh i didnt like it!!!! youre you!!!! express that!!!

i may add onto this post as things come to mind, but thats just what i can think of that i struggled with and others ive seen have struggled with, hope this helps!!

tumblr can be hard to use, and theres not really "big accounts". everyone is just roaming and doing their own thing. there can be a learning curve, and thats ok! its hard to discover new blogs here, but after a while you can get a hang on it and its a lot less toxic than other social medias imo!!!! its very easy to curate what you want to see.

[yuukei-yikes]

What’s your opinion on Harushin (Haruka and Shintaro)? Can be either platonic or romantic

i love that u had to clarify who they are LMAOOO

hmm well i don't like them romantically. when it comes to the yuukei quartet ships I'd put them at the bottom 💔 mostly cuz i just dont ship haruka with anyone other than takane (but for some reason i pass takane around like a blunt) and also it means a lot to me that the reason haruka recognizes he loves takane is bc he defines shintaro as a friend but feels sad putting takane in the same category bc of the different feelings she entails.

and I HAVE THIS PET PEEVE that is a bit silly and nuanced. and it implies a lil bit of jin bashing so TOTAL AND COMPLETE DISCLAIMER i love jin's work and his characters and i immensely respect everything he's done for this franchise he shares with us and clearly loves. that said fuck his misogynistic fucking writing

i could go on and on and on abt that but to answer this ask specifically, i just HATE that shintaro is so nice to haruka and he's just a total ass to ayano and takane for no goddamn reason. takane was SO nice to him at first, could u imagine the good buddies they would've been if shintaro was fucking normal. and shintaro LITERALLY stands in a 2 hour line at the festival just to insult her😭😭😭 he didn't even KNOW her. he's like "u act like this big shot bc all these ppl fawn over you" as if takane hadn't been literally sobbing miserably the whole afternoon precisely bc people were fawning over her and she found it mortifying. bc ofc he didnt know that!! LIKE WHAT WAS THE DAMN REASON HE DID THIS HES CRAZY i will never know what was going thru jin's mind writing that bit but ig all i can do is imagine shintaro was like GIRLS CANT PLAY GAMES *SHAKING* i know im always talking abt shintaro and takane's friendship and how much i love them but god the writing in the hs days is just inexcusable like shintaro is so damn unlikable. i hate when they put him and takane in the same level of irrational arguers bc truly takane is just fucking defending herself. how would u treat a person who didnt even give u a damn chance and just says all that shit to u first meeting. and she's also speaking for ayano too cuz her ass wont defend herself. and also haruka wont say anything. like takanes fighting for her life in here i 10000% support her actions as ene cuz man fuck that guy i find it insane she still cared for him anyway

and it pisses me off that then we see him in novel 6 being totally capable of being a decent fucking person to haruka. like seriously what's his damage. also idk japanese but i THINK shintaro speaks in a polite manner to haruka and not to ayano and takane. obligatory joke im gay not bc i like men but bc i hate women etc etc etc

i could rly go on abt how much it annoys me haruka and shintaro's friendship is super developed opposed to ayano and takane's pathetic dynamic that doesnt pass the already stupid bechdel test (i actually ranted a lil bit abt it on my side twitter a few days ago if you wanna read it LMAO) (it starts as a thread abt harutaka but then i get sidetracked cuz...yeah) BUT THIS IS ABT HARUKA AND SHINTARO SO. yeah u could excuse it with shintaro being the protag and ofc getting a lot more focus on his relationships but still. i kinda resent this aspect of their dynamic so i don't like the ship teehee i just... i think haruka is way too good for him sorry shintaro my man. i say this while shipping shinaya i know but to be fair i make them go through hell in my mind before they can properly be happy together if at all. bc when i start going off abt all this stuff i also start resenting shinaya LMAOOO sometimes i say i like it out of nostalgia but then their whole story together and how theyre literally always destined to find each other (holds head) ok. thats aside the point. i have a complicated relationship to shinaya. it's all abt drawing the line between author and creation and how much u can say augh author is being annoying and augh character is just an ass on purpose. and compared to the pov of all the other kagepro characters, u can indeed see that sexism shit in all of it (i could whip out examples in a second)but on shintaro it is noticeably worse LOL

and again im not blaming fictional characters for author's misogyny, like someone is writing this duuuh which is why haruka never points it out but FROM MY insane perspective i interpret it as haruka recognizing the pattern but he's so damn spineless he can't bring himself to stand up for ayano and takane. he probably makes some comments that shintaro just dimisses and haruka is too nervous to bring them up again *me going off abt the internalized misogyny of fictional characters headcanoned based on the author being misogynistic*

ERM. ANOTHER REMINDER I LOVE KAGEPRO AND I RESPECT JIN FOREVER BC HE IS THE CREATOR OF ALL MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS. but also lol. doesn't mean i cant point out some of this stuff yknooooow

uhhh soooo platonic wise i love them. but its also not my favorite dynamic to explore, id repeat some of the stuff ive already written, it does bother me shintaro is Normal to haruka and not to ayano and takane and haruka acts like nothing. it's just a big thing that annoys me generally abt them lol and i find it tough to separate from author like i normally would with these weird things he includes because this bit is just a whole dynamic you know?? i could.... go on abt this but um. sorry ive been talking for a while. its definitely something im kinda bitter about in the writing.

but still they're definitely sweet, and i understand the appeal completely!!! these are just My thoughts i think its 2023 and i wont get death threats for not liking a ship anymore but also haruka is shintaro's bisexual awakening that is for damn sure. i like entertaining the onesided concept. shintaro being like hahahaha what if we kisssed like ayano and takane apparently did and haruka is like No thanks.

[tojisun]

sun sun! can u give me some advice? IF NOT U CAN DISCARD THIS IGNORE IT AND ILL UNDERSTAND!!!

how do u meet people and talk to ppl and go on a date or something w them? i sound like im an alien but im literally too socially anxious (im sociable and get along well w ppl, but struggle heavily with approaching), self-conscious, n inexperienced to know what to do. i wanna make new friends and potentially date someone :<

(also did u get my last message in response to ur reply? or did tumblr eat it like a poopyhead?)

my love omg i have no game whatsoever so i cant *really* help u. my confidence is the size of an apple which is already a lot for me tbh bc it has to contend with my anxiety so my days are a cesspool of “i can do this… but what if i cant” energy LMFAO 🥲

AND IM LITERALLY LIKE THAT TOO OMG like im sociable bc i get adopted by extroverts but i cant approach on my own. and if i do, i find myself having so little i can even talk about past the surface level questions :((

to add, my prev partners were all my friends so i never really had the experience of asking out people and then going on dates to see if we’re gonna work out 😭

although i started mimicking my extroverted friends! theyre not extrovert in the archetype way wherein theyre bubbly or just so energetic? but theyre so proactive in making the conversation going and cementing a bond!

since i think you and i are alike (wherein our issue lies on the approaching part), id let u know what i do instead of what they do!

i started pretending to have confidence in what i say. for example in school? my current school friend and i started hanging out bc i went up to them and went “hey, just wondering if u read the readings yet?” (and then we snowballed there teehee they did actually read it so thats cool as we were able to have a discussion about the topic but even when they didnt, i just end up steering the conversation to something ik we both know—the lecture! it was what started our friendship, but we also began to talk about other things until we were sharing our interests with each other!)

work? same thing! i start with work related topics (i work at a firm so it usually is always our clients hehehe) and then i’d invite them for coffee or lunch! im blessed to have coworkers close to my age which makes it a lot easier to poke on interests. i asked her if she’s seen this video on tiktok (it was something about that love surge couple i think) and she did so we were also able to expand our conversation out of work!

the highlight is that i bullshitted my confidence until it eventually started feeling normal :’)

im sorry that this isnt a sound advice :((

of course its still so important to stay true to yourself and im not telling u to be fake and to not be urself! but faking confidence i think is different bc, for me, its grappling with the hurdle (my anxiety) and training myself until im eventually used to it! im still not 100% the one taking the first step but when i do, im glad that i did :’)

(now for relationships… yea that i got nothing 😭 im so sorry)

but um yea! im sorry for the rambling. it just made me realize how much more work i need to put into myself too!

take care my love and i wish you the best and kindest and loveliest ever!!!

-

(i just checked and i received ur other ask!! im sorry, im kinda swamped rn so my responses have been going down the drain dhejjd but i’ll reply to it too! thank u sm for ur kindness and love <333)

[curedeity]

If you’ve got any, 17 for the fanfic ask?

17. Do you have any other writers or works that inspire you (i think that was the question i didnt copy paste)

Yes always and inspo is one of my favorite things to talk about!

One of my first writing inspirations was the Percy Jackson books, and that phase of my life still kind of influences the genres im interested in writing and the like. I read a lot more novels when i was younger so i remember having more distinct favorites back then. As for novels right now, Id say Kelly Barnhill is one of the bedt authors ive recently read. Her narrative style is quite captivating, her chapters are short, and there is always a slightly different progression than i imagine there being. Ive only finished "the girl who drank the moon" but i started both "iron-heart(ed?) violet" and "when women were dragons". I wish i still used goodreads so i could go theough a list of what books id read recently, but i wanna quickly mention ve schwab. Her books are hit or miss and not always the best but damn sometimes she puts out a banger, and when she tries she can have an impeccable narrative style that leaves me breathless. Sometimes i also like reading neil gaiman works. They both intrigue and inspire me somewhat but i dont think to the same extent other authors have

Now that was JUST novel inspos!

A lot of my main writing inspiration actually comes from podcasts. Welcome to Night Vale was a huge early writing inspiration for me, introducing me to a surreal style of writing that i love getting to develop. Wtnv and other productions by its team are often so stylish that it is impossible to not be inspored listening to them. I think wtnv and within the wires are my faborites on a writing level.

Cant forget the magnus archives, the narration is very slick and the interconnected plot growth so well done, along with really good and intriguing inpersonal dynamics that never failed to offer something intriguing. I never finished season 5 but i remember listening to just some of the first episodes and being awestruck at how stylish the writing was.

Then there is unwell podcast! One of my favorite pidcasts to discuss on a writing level, it has so many ups and downs, but one thing i will give it is having great character voices! There is not a single character that doesnt speak distinctly and the dialogue flows so well, being one of the best parts of the show. Id love to be able to write character voices as well as they do.

For tv shows now!

Madoka Magica has squickly become a huge writing inspiration for me. Honestly, more like the crown jewel of great writing. I cannot praise madoka magicas writing enough. Its thematic unravelling is so layered, its character writing gripping, its way of writing narrative parallels and foils impeccable, and just. God. Incredible. I cannot explain how much i want to be able to write on madoka magicas level. But madoka magica is the only show ill mention bc the other stuff i watch is often shit.

Uhhhhhhh for video games... i havent played that many yet sorry. While i love pokemon, it isnt a writing inspiration, and most games i play dont speqk to me like that.

And then comes the format thet is probably most applicable... fanfic...

Ill admit i read a lot of fanfic, but i dont actually think that many inspire me writing wise, so ill take a second and just focus on beyblade to say Val was my biggest inspiration to write beyblade fanfic in my fandom early days. I was inspired by some of the stuff she did, and especially some character dynamics (madoka and yuki) but realized i wanted to do incredibly different things. So i think her inspiration wasnt so much of "oh god i love this idea and characyers and synamic and plot" but just like, more of a realization of what i might be able to do with the characters as a whole?

Also wanna drop that Sadie has an impeccable writing style omg im literally eating it up i need it. Sadies art is also a huge inspiration for me to the surprise of no one who has seen Hikarus Adoption Agenda.

[soraontop]

ok cause wait i just read over soras profile and shes CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS WITH SEUNGHAN??? i need to know more about them. is she close to riize too?

yes she is!! they were neighbors c: and of course they were born in the same year so they grew up in the same classes and their parents were friends so it was only inevitable!! even when she went to a different school, they always texted and hung out after school, even when she always had to take care of her brothers as soon as they all got home from school. he did notttt care if her attention had to be on mostly them 24/7 😭 he just wanted to be in her presence and also he is the main reason why while sora hates affection, she can deal with it from an affectionate person ie seunghan lmao

a lot of people genuinely thought they’d end up together lol. but they’re just besties. i mean, did sora and seunghan have a crush on the other at different points of time? oh yeah, definitely. but it’s never something either of them wanted to think further into, because they were content being just friends. this was around the same time sora debuted in ioi, sora thought her being busy in ioi was the way to get rid of her feelings which it did and she valued their friendship more lol. both of their feelings i feel were like that weird moment when they start realizing stuff about the other gender and are like well … oh he/she’s kinda cute and like just being around each other for a lot of the time didn’t help.

after ioi disbanded in 2017, seunghan wasn’t a trainee then and everything … just kind of went back to normal? like they didnt stop talking for weeks at a time bc of how busy sora was lol. its like nothing happened, theyre just that kind of besties.

also i wanna say seunghan has been there for sora’s ENTIREEE life like that boy isnt going anywhere (hopefully☝️) even when she tried pushing him away and being her difficult self, he still stuck by her side and she’ll be damned if she doesn’t do the same.

anyways, both are each other’s number one hype(wo)man!! sora encouraged seunghan to audition for companies and when he got into sm, she was really proud of him!! and she almost thought about leaving cre.ker and joining sm lol but like she was really loyal to cre.ker so she didn’t. when she debuted in enhypen, he was on burner accs defending her from antis lol but she doesnt know that

for riize, yes, she knows them!! seunghan tried his absolute hardest for them to become friends because theyre literally all the most important people in his life so duh. and sora is really easy to get along with so it worked !! theyre just not on that personal friendship do u know what i mean? the only one she’d tell something private to is seunghan atm. but yeah theyre all friends and its just a very easy going, laidback, funny vibe when theyre all hanging out together.

[hailieshapedbox]

ohhhh i just realized why i have no desire to sleep even though i in fact am getting tired🤪 my cousin was in psychosis for two weeks on coke off meds and two days ago he took a turn and directed all of his pain and anger at me n was talking shit about me saying vile things (mostly about being lesbian) till 4 am two days ago and till 6am last night. walking in the living room where i was juggling a knife and scraping it on our roomates doors, throwing n stabbing oranges around the house till he got 5250’d in the morning. i hope hes having an alright time in there he really needs help and hopefully rehab and hopefully he finally wants the change that he might not know he needs and actually does want. ya had to vent it out guys thx for reading my run on sentence, im actually tryna lead into a better, personal topic and this plays a part on it so i started there. i uh started recovery in AA 3 days ago and im so fucking happy to finally want to take my life back fully into my own hands and have the drive and ambition that i got easily with alcohol (fucking cop out). ik how this sounds to some people, i went to AA and NA for fun when i was in a grouphome at 17 bc it was another way for us to get off the campus and hangout with the other houses (they called them cottages🏡🕯️🎍☺️). so im very comfortable in that environment, it wasn’t an entirely new concept or energy to me, its been about ten years, but this is my first time coming with a severe desire to change and take back my life into my own hands. ya i had drank in highschool (fuckinn middle school too) but i dont think i ever had to drink and drink and drink till i passout and not be able to stop until im blacked out. that didnt happen till i was 23 in such a chaotic livlihood i couldnt stand any part of my reality, work, home, abusive relationship, i couldnt breathe but i could drink. to the point i was delivering weed from the dispensary drunk. it happened again over the summer for all of the same reasons but this time i had come back to my cousins house to get on my feet and ultimately ended up helping everyone else and their businesses and livlihood more than my own and i was drained out, favor not returned gang. i thought i was gonna stop drinking at the end of summer and i did a few times, a week, two a month but the binges were bad and i was in a lot of dangerous situations recently. everytime i thought i was ready, someone would give me a reason to catch a nice break from the chaos circus life, n who would say no to what sounds like bliss? the last time i drank i didnt even want to, i didnt even wanna go out shit, friend called me crying for help, by the end of the night i needed a relief drink joined got physically hurt (7 minor injuries but some are mid😭), stranded they took off w my phone and wallet in my bag, no sweater at 4am upset in a parking lot not tryna take three hour walk home. a ride from a nice lady w a sketchy guy judging me. how the fuck did it happen again, how easy couldve i prevented this. i had already reached out to a well versed friend that i need to get sober, she said she’d be around in a couple days n we would go. i told her again the next day i needed it even more now and we went that night, which she was wanting to bc she liked that specific meeting. well gang that specific meeting is always gonna be the story to the start of my meeting. i immediately got picked to lead and read through out the meeting on a little stage in front of everyone with the key speaker. as i expected haha, never heard of a lottery meeting like that. i made a home that night, i kept eveyones lottery ticket from the raffle that i picked (and the three left over), i hadnt felt so much support in years, and all at once and a whole room full of people.

i know im only three days in but ive been waiting my whole life to be here.

[sugar-omi]

Hiii I hope this isn't coming off as rude but a lot of what you said in that ask about baxter with a black wife perpetuates a Lot of anti black stereotypes (i.e how baxter is going to get fat from black and other enthic cultural foods, how brown people are always friendly, speaking about how baxter would do his kids hair and comb it when it takes a Lot of work to maintain 3 and 4 type hair and texturism is very much a thing, and the black women can fix a white man trope). We are also forgetting the fact that Baxter's parents are bigoted and that alone would have a Lot of black families not like him. This really doesn't help that you say you have no experiences with any of the things you're talking about, it's not a very good look and comes off as ignorant and antiblack. I'm not saying this to dissuade you from having black characters or anything of the sort, but black women (especially darker skinned women) are still People and shouldn't have their experiences watered down to something that is stereotyping and sexualizing them

I appreciate this comment!! but I think there is a small misunderstanding that I am white or not black or something or other.

but I am, I have a black mother, and i have type 3 hair n it's thick, and I know it is sometimes a pain to deal with bc of that and it's length, so my comment about hair was more meant about my experience, and how I know it took a lot for me to get my hair healthy again, and how I know what it was/is like for me to take care of my hair, and how my family took care of my hair when growing up

and I know as someone with a white dad, who had a white girlfriend (my parents aren't together), that my dad's now ex girlfriend said she went above and beyond to ask my mother n other black women about how to take care of my hair, and the comment wasn't meant disrespectfully, it was just a mention about how I'd hope most people would act and treat someone, especially someone close, with different hair than them

and part of what I said, abt cove specifically, was based off the wedding DLC and how cove left MC to do most of their hair on their own (if I remember correctly)

but I left texture out of it, and left my comments more open because I don't have course textured hair, my hair has a very silky texture and i can throw water on it and be done if I wanted to.

but I know it isn't like that for everyone, and I didn't wanna talk about things I have no experience with or ramble about something i didnt know abt.

I do know everyone takes time and care to comb their hair, and I know people use more or less products depending on their hair, and depending on what you or a child needs, I'd hope someone would learn to take care of it and understand what they're doing (because I know my dad didn't and didn't care to learn either)

I didn't think I portrayed it that badly, maybe I did, so I am sorry that it came across rudely or exclusive when I was trying to be more vague about things like that just for anyone reading. if that ramble was more refined and less a passing conversation/thought. I would have went into depth abt hair texture n all that stuff

the rest of your comment. I wasnt trying to sexualize black culture or people, so if it came across as such I do apologize.

anything that I said, was not meant maliciously or harmful in any way, but if it was taken as that I'm sorry.

and I think you're talking about my comment about how black people look good in yellow, that wasn't meant to sexualize anyone I just meant it as a compliment that I think yellow on brown skin, regardless of how light or dark, looks good and I appreciate their beauty regardless.

now, I'll be honest interracial dating makes me uncomfortable due to the nature of my childhood and all that sweet stuff. but I know many people, love baxter or cove or whoever, and I know there are some black fans of course and I'm not going to exclude anyone, and again. as someone half black, I can talk about it, mention a couple things, whatever

I will be honest. I completely forgot people fetishize interracial dating and black people, this stuff isn't always at the forefront of my mind.

my comments were meant as a "here's a few things baxter would do for his partner, especially if they have specific needs for their hair or something but here's a few things regardless of race, and more what he'd do for his partner/family"

now the "fattening them up" comments were not meant maliciously, I'm sorry for that. I mean, if you think about it, regardless of race/ethnicity, people like to feed others really well, and I meant it lightheartedly, and jokingly because I know people who always tell me to eat more so I'd imagine it be the same w others

I was thinking about my family when I said it, because my family cooks a lot and we eat well. and generally, you can fatten up anyone you give them enough food, it wasnt meant as "black people cook/eat a lot of fattening food"

it was a lighthearted comment based of my experience with people, that i can think of a few people who would definitely try to 'fatten' up baxter, it was not meant to contribute to anything harmful and was meant to be a light hearted joke but again, i can see how that looks now that im thinking about, and I'm sorry.

and about that "black people being friendly" I know not every black person is friendly. trust me I know. my family isn't the nicest, some individuals are meaner than others, and we have a couple family friends who aren't the nicest peopl.e.

I said that, because I'd hope you have a nice family. and I don't imagine you'd want to include your mean or bigoted family in a story or whatever, that you are probably reading for fun or escapism.

I thought about it, I didn't think it needed a disclaimer or anything like that, since I know and you know that not everyone and not every family is nice but this isn't meant to bring awareness to auch a thing

but again, I can see how it was taken as such, and I'm sorry because again, the thought evaded me and I suppose I should have put out my wish out there, so people knew I didn't mean it rudely, just that I'd hope you have a nice family (regardless of race) to introduce your lover to

about baxters family! I know! and I thought about it, and I know my mother wouldn't like him either. but I figured this wasn't a place to talk about it, or at least wasn't the time and this is all fictional work, hypothetical and completely imaginary, so I figured we can ignore the obvious for once.

but clearly, I made it seem like I was ignorant to such a thing, even though I was thinking about it. and I apologize for that illusion, I just try to keep harder topics off my posts most of the time when I'm not writing fics so that way people have a warning for any angst or hard topics.

I want this to be a safe space, and if there is anyone who uses my work as an escape, or a way to relax, I want to allow them to do that and ha e the ability to ignore their problems and relax for as long as possible.

and about my comment about having no experiences

I meant, I have no experience with a nice family or cultural food or activities, etc.

I have experience with textured and type 3 hair. I have experience with racism. I have experience with exclusion, etc

I just meant, I don't have experience with anything cultural or having big family experiences because my immediate family is very excluded and cut off from most of our family because we are poor and live in a small town, not near I'd say 90% of our family.

I have no experience with a family doting on me or anything like that. I see it, and it happens sometimes or someone does some caring action but that's it.

all that I mentioned above, is what I have no experience with.

I hope that addressed everything. if I forgot something let me know, I do offer a genuine apology because anything I said or ignored something said by others, since I mostly repeated my thoughts.

I apologize sincerely for and I hope I didn't come off defensively or disrespectfully since I didnt mean it as so, I do appreciate you saying this, because I don't want anyone to feel hurt or excluded or anything and think there's some ignorant white woman behind the screen spouting bullshit lol

[girlwithfish]

What gummies did u take? 👀👀 and how was the trip

the brand is called diamond shruumz i think, my local smoke shop sells them nd ive seen them at cbd/hemp/delta8 9 10 shops around here too and theyre somehow legal in my state bc it has like diff shroom variants nd idek but i doubted them at first tbh.. kinda underestimated it a bit or didnt think itd be that potent loll.. the brand has chocolate bars, gummies(with like 15 gummies per bag i think) and these packs of 2 cones. i tried the cones i just had one cone nd my bf had the other they tasted good and it took like 40-50min for me to feel it. ive never done any shrooms b4 but my bf has and he said it felt pretty similar to real shrooms yk. I read a lot of reddit comments abt it nd most ppl have tried the gummies, not many ppl have tried the chocolate bars but the few comments i saw abt it said they werent that good, and i havent seen any comments on reddit abt the cones but i saw a few reviews on the brand's website and theyre supposed to be more potent than the gummies so we ended up trying those lol. id say go w the gummies or cone depending on how experienced u r with pyschedelics ! gummies maybe r better if udont wanna take the whole thing bc u can take less. Most ppl i saw on reddit say they took the whole bag or like half etc, i think u deff feel it if u take a whole bag but idk i havent tried them yet lol. varied opinions on it and i think the brand is fairly new sooo opinions on it were pretty skeptical online for a few months but i found a big thread abt the brand from a month ago w a lot of ppl weighing in abt them nd most ppl saying they did feel it and it feels similar to shrooms but maybe a step down from it etc. some ppl got more visuals than others or some didnt, etc. and a lot of ppl sayinf the come up was kind of intense or a few ppl got sick LOl so tread lightlyy but i def agree the come up was reallyyy overwhelming and more than i expected, felt really similar to lsd for me with all the physical effects like my body gets really tense and feels wound up nd i got really heavy tbis trip and i got more visuals than my bf who didnt rly get any. mine were like subtle but still there like my phone looked crazy and like things in the room slightly pulsing nd ykyk but nothing super crazy but still there. idk if body weigyt nd stuff affects it but i tend to get more easily affected from psychedelics than my bf lol but yeah we both felt like really wound up nd my bf said his body felt like overwhelmed and kind of anxious even tho he wasnt anxious, same for me.. but it was still fun just didnt expect the come up to be that intense nd i watched an anime w my bf and then we watched adventure time which is fun but the really silly crazy episodes w a lot of action nd random shit felt really visually and like audibly overwhelming for me LOL.. then played guitar nd listened to mhsic nd sang songs together tho i did have a cliche emotional moment on shrooms and like started crying nd my bf and i had a like hour long sentimental and serious conversation which was nice Oh and i also get really giggly and laugh a lot on psychedelics same when im on acid its sillyyy and my body gets rly hot and sweaty.. and its hard for me to eat i hav like no appetite lol.. but i think i peaked during this time when i was crying nd just having a rly emotional moment Lol and then after talking for a while my bf and i both said the like tense physical feeling we had during the come up kind of disappeared for us nd i felt way more relaxed and everything.. but yeah the trip lasted like maybe 4 hrs for me it wore off kinda quick at the end 🙉overall good experience but the physicsl effects were really strong nd overwhelming at first so id keep that in mindd esp if u havent done psychedelics b4 and its always nice to b w someone too! i literally did not thknk these edibles wld b that potent or affect me that much lmaoo its kind of crazy theyre legal somehow😭

[pashminalamb]

OMG 4TH EDITION? HELL YEAH! I can't wait for april! i would be lying if i said i wasnt hoping for a chigiri one (which im gonna check for again bc eyes), BUT BACHI HAS MY HEART MAN <3 super excited for the 4th edition!

aside from that, how was your day today? good, bad? if it was bad, i hope i can make a little bit better! idk how, but have another virtual hug! and sakuras! 🌸🌸🌸

just curious, but whos your least favorite blue lock character? i know your favorite is olive man, but least favorite? 👀

i pray that you get rich overnight (like billion because taxes and crap) so you can buy the pink-est (did you see what i did to the text :0 I DIDNT KNOW YOU COULD DO THIS), most PASTEL AND AESTHETIC mansion ever and then just set up an aesthetic room for your writing like please? if you have one show? i would love to see if you have an area thats dedicated to your writing!

i would say more but head empty rn 😭 and since youre on break i dont wanna talk just about your works! theres more to a writer than just their writing afterall. tell me more about yourself if you wanna! i would love to listen read! <3

i hope you have a WONDERFUL day as well as enjoy the weather that may or may not be horrible where you are (hopefully it's good)! byebye!!

- 🌸 anon

I actually did want to write for Chigiri but 3 characters is my limit n if i push it, I tend to get extremely exhausted. fourth edition will be uploaded on my ao3 account (link attached to my pinned post) noa is one of my fav - poor baby has a tragic backstory that it makes me wanna cry, he worked so hard to get here n i'm so proud of him because of it Now that i think about it... Barou was supposed to be in the list for your words, my hurt too (might make a 5th edition or something cause of this)

My day has been good so far ; I finished reading 'my in laws are obsessed with me' the webtoon n i'm reading a new manga ... *sending a hug back* you’re so sweet! *sending you a bouquet* 💐

Olive man 😭 that’s a good one 🥹😂

Least favorite? Easy. Everyone in blue lock since they’re stupidly high egoists. But the ones I don’t like are - Itoshi brothers n Kaiser cause of their over the top god / superiority / king complex. I can still tolerate them in comparison to these two (don’t like the most) : Adam Blake n Chris Prince. Adam wants to have sex with women in kimonos (my attraction towards him died along with this) n Chris needs to be less of a camera whore

Aw, you’re so sweet mon ange <3 it’s good to know there’s another pink fanatic out there o^^o

Pinkest n most aesthetic mansion where my followers, moots n I will stay (yes I just picked up the grand Budapest hotel … think about it -it’s a safe haven for introverts n there are a lot of mountains as well as a little far from the city) my aesthetic writing room is the library - I’ve always wanted a library that the beast gave Belle in beauty and the beast 🥹

Hm… about myself - idk what to say, but there’s an about me page under “Isabelle” on my pinned post :x apart from that,

I listen to a lot of Lana del ray’s music, my aesthetics are conquette, princesscore n angelcore. I don’t have a particularly fav manga, anime or movie cause there are too many to name, I like spicy food n tiramisu. Hbu? <3

Weather is alright - feeling a lil sleepy (•_•) 💤

Hope you’re having a good day / evening / night 🤍

[yyxgin]

— tag game. ☔

recommend 5 or more of your own works that you would rec to someone asking what they should read first & explain a little bit about the work. these can be the most popular, the ones you think are underrated, or your own favorites! then tag five other writers! | tagged by @neo-shitty thanks toffee i love talking about myself! :p

you best believe i AM doing more than 5 because i write for a lot of groups and i truly believe those fics are worth reading!

seventeen.

sympathy subtraction (chwe vernon). okay so there is NO way im not mentioning this fic. AND im putting it on first place because its literally my child. my longest fic and the fic i hold the closest to my heart. 40k full of undying love for chwe vernon, this is. it also really closely follows my emotions about every single falling-out i've ever had. the perfect slice of life, the perfect coming of age. i shamelessly reread this from time to time from how well written it actually is. i am not afraid to say that i am the biggest fan of my own fic bc oh well. i write the fics i wanna read <3

this february 14th (kim mingyu). okay here's the tea. for a while, i really didnt like this fic and i despised seeing it in my notifications, BUT. it literally has 1k notes so i reread it last night and i literally forgot what this fic was about i kid you not 😭 after reading it again, i came to the conclusion that my writing style in this is actually really good and even though the plot is not anything special, i still think it was really sweet :p

nct.

happier than ever (huang renjun). a big FAT trauma dump. but i absolutely adore this fic. one of my absolute favorites. i somehow always give renjun the fics where i experience the most trauma lmao i treat writing for this boy like a therapy session. i think it has to do w the fact that i see myself a lot in renjun so it feels safe to write about him in this way :p anywAYS i still love the brother's best friend trope i incorporated in here. its also a fairly popular fic of mine, which is a pleasant surprise! a lot of coming of age/slice of life vibes, fluffy but also absolutely heartbreaking. <3

the borders (huang renjun). AAAAAAA another trauma dump 😭 hits a little less to home than the previous fic does, but still hits nonetheless. inspired by one of my most favorite songs ever! i always wanted to write a fic on this song, even back in my 5sos era, so i am glad i finally did it when writing for nct. handles very difficult themes, so i was a little scared of posting it, as it was the first full nct fic ive ever posted as well :) i said it the first time and i will say it again; handle this fic with care.

and i love her just like that (lee donghyuck). MY MOST POPULAR NCT FIC AND YOU KNOW WHAT? AS IT SHOULD BE. hyuck e2l just hitS 😩😩 i think about this fic at least two times a week when i go play table tennis with my dad. hyuck is a menace and i still wanna make out with him very badly at a ping-pong table. this fic represents just that. also slightly inspired by maniac by nct u bc hyuck ate

just saying (liu yangyang). my writing style in this >>>>> ngl i find myself really funny in this it might just be me but. this fic is top comedy. also i have a yangyang fic in my drafts that deserves to be in this list but i havent posted it yet😔😔😔 not yy being the only non dream member i write for from nct. his impact on me is truly impaccable.

seventeen going under (zhong chenle). another fic that might be difficult to handle and also another sam fender inspired fic. talks about suicide. with this, i wanted to speak up about the rate of male suicides and how we tend to overlook mental issues in men due to toxic masculinity. also, i loved the 'retro' film vibe and the chenji besties interactions i wrote in here<3

hypersonic missiles (na jaemin). bros i didnt expect this fic to get nearly as much attention as it has. idk man i dont really get much to say abt this one, other than the fact that its a sci-fi, which i dont usually write, but i fucking loved writing this it was so much fun i should do more sci-fi

stray kids.

lee felix's guide to hating you (lee felix). another popular one!! loved every second of writing this. it handles my own feelings and emotions and the fic is very personal to me hihi it also lowkey made my blog "blow up"?? not that its big rn or anything, but i think that most of my followers came from this fic! :)

my only hate, my only love (kim seungmin). bruh there's just something about seungmin that only allows me to write angst for him. i think there's like one (1) fluff that i wrote for him and even that one is a short drabble. im sorry seungmin. 😭 anyways i am a literature hoe and wrote this despite not reading romeo and juliet fully once!! had a lot of fun with it. e2l stays superior (not actually, i prefer f2l but shh)

meet you there (kim seungmin). another heavy one ooof- inspired by sky castle! ngl i am very much in love with kim donghee and he always reminded me of seungmin a bit and i think that's what made me write this fic? 😭 not sure.

tagging. @koishua @crispy-chan @chogiwow @mellow-midzy @aliceu @multi-kpop-fanfics @decembermoonskz and @tinami (if you come back to tumblr🤍) LETS SPREAD LOVE ABT OUR FICS AND ACT LIKE ARTISTS ON GENIUS EXPLAINING THE LYRICS 😡😡😡

[tuxedokit]

sashamilla?

SASHAMILLA SASHAMILLA SAHSAMILLA OUGH

when i started shipping it, if i did:

i dont even know when !!! it feels like i always have !!! i can guess it would be "i didnt know he noticed"

my thoughts:

ough. ough. ough. how do i put into words how much they mean to me. t4t, bi4bi. they are literally everything to me. i am constantly thinking about "we're always talking" and "camilla, there's something i have to tell you" and the way they were reaching for one another and the fact that they probably carpooled to whispering rock and and and and ugh i love them so god damn much

what makes me happy about them:

EVERYTHINGGGGGGG GOD I WANNA BLOW UP THEYRE EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEEEEEE. the inflection in her voice when she says, "i didn't know he noticed." the way HER NICKNAME WAS ENTIRELY CAUSE HE MISPRONOUNCED IT AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE?????? THE HUG THING??????

what makes me sad about them:

can i say bittersweet things instead? cause i have a lot of those. things that hurt me, but i love them so much. the way they reached for each other in the opening to ror. the way it was sorta confirmed that sasha always goes to confess when he thinks he's going to die, or going to lose her. the amount of loss they've both experienced, and the idea of them sharing their loss together, mourning together.

things done in fanfic that annoy me:

i haven't read much fic, but i worry that some might use milla and sashas' relationships to develop sasha without giving milla the same care and attention. but, i havent actually encountered that, thats just a worry i have

things i look for in fanfic:

i wanna read sahsamilla fake dating for a case, and that being how they confess cause it gets too real. something like that. that would activate all my braincells. or hurt/comfort. oooh or last moments. i like angst, but it would have to be specifically they love each other, do not make them hate or emotionally hurt each other, and i will die.

who i'd be comfortable with them ending up with, if not each other:

the idea of them not being in each others lives tears me apart.

my happily ever after for them:

partners in crime. maybe let them get married. let the wedding get crashed cause it was secretly a setup, and they knew it and were ready and smiling all the way. let it end as glamourously as it lived, hand in hand til the end. let the world fall apart around them, and let them accept it because they get to end it all together.

big spoon/little spoon:

they alternate bc i cant decide. i think they both are both. i think it depends who had a nightmare that night, or who's feeling more vulnerable or sad, or just who wants to be held and feel secure.

favourite activity:

MISSIONS TOGETHER !!!! they love the thrill, the action. theres something so personal about life or death situations, and theres no one they would rather spend what could be their last moments with than one another

[jackienautism]

ive always sort of taken ashley's reaction to that whole situation to be like. in that moment, emily goes from ally to potential threat, and ashley freaks out and her thought process is basically.... "remove the threat". it is mike who escalates and picks up the gun like you said. my guess is, seeing a friend get shot is way different than the possibility of them getting shot? so like... if mike shoots emily, ashley a) sees that reality and b) knows that it wouldn't have happened without her. hence the guilt. but in the case of mike putting the gun down, the potential threat is not gone in any way and ashley didnt have to see her friend Actually get shot. so her reaction is probably from the uneasiness of the situation being unresolved, until she reads the notebook, realizes there was never any danger to her from emily, and THEN feels guilty. hopefully that makes sense? combo of whether or not ashley's unease and panic is actually resolved in the moment, as well as Actually watching emily die or just... having that almost happen.

i honestly have no idea what this is in reference to, but it all makes sense to me yeah! all i wanted was just to talk abt how its kind of fucked (atleast to me) how sam's relationship goes up after ashley reveals the truth 😭 i didnt mean for this to end in a discussion abt the like...bite / shooting scene as a whole. but i appreciate you coming into my inbox nonetheless!

but yeah i really don't blame ashley for freaking out the way she did, its just silly bc didnt jack sooooort of explain the whole situation back in the lodge? i could be TOTALLY misremembering so dont take my word for it. but its just.... he mentions cannibalism and this isnt necessarily cannibalism correct? but yeah. still. ashley is totally one to jump to conclusions before her mind can rly like....digest the situation properly so its sooo in character for her to automatically assume the worse. bc look at the whole basement scene w/ the ghost? her emotions get the best of her and makes her believe things that otherwise have a "rational" / believable explanation. so i totally don't blame her at all for acting the way she does

once again, i totally forget what this could potentially be in reference to fdkgndfg so apologies for that. did they rly like. show that ash was guilty that well though? like. OBV the guilt is gonna be there since her words and actions and whatever sort of led up to the moment of em getting shot, but after that ? does she rly show anything ????? not to say that she doesn't regret what she did and said if em actually dies, bc i jusrt KNOW that isnt true, i just think mike shows more remorse than ashley does which sucks. unless its more of a ...... silent guilt. which is probably is. ive only rly watched the scene and the aftermath once so i cant remember it too clearly sorry

AND I THINK I FINALLY KNOW WHAT THIS IS TALLKING ABT.... ITS ABT THE COMMENT SHE MAKES IF MIKE DOESNT SHOOT EMILY RIGHT? hopefully thats what it is fkgnfg but yeah that totally makes sense to me! or wait. is this just abt the potential guilt ashley feels in this scene? AAAAA IM SO SORRY I SAY A LOT OF THINGS AND I DONT WHAT THE HELL I JUST SAID!!!! if you wanna clarify things for me if i didnt answer this to your satisfaction id appreciate it dfgknfg but once again, i appreciate the discussion regardless!

once again though, i think that does make sense yeah! esp in regards to ashley's "i hope you did" comment following mike failing to shoot em. bc youre right, the uneasiness and .... anxiety of the situation is still there, so it makes sense why she wouldnt seem very ..... happy over mike not shooting em / not getting her to leave

youre right though it def all depends on what occurs, which is like. realistic. esp from a Human Being perspective. so it sucks that a lot of ppl blow the scene out of proportion and unnecessarily hate on ashley for her (rather realistic) reactions to what's shown to her. bc yeah ok if its put out there or if it ever enters her mind, of COURSE shes gonnna freak out ove rth e potential of em "turning into one of them." the only one who doesnt rly believe it at first is sam and thats due to how ..... levelheaded she is, even under times of stress. but ashley is the COMPLETE opposite of that. she''s like. ive seen others talk abt this before but. she's not grounded in reality, which is a very interesting and good way of putting it. so yeah of course her imagination is going to take her into dangerous places and shit and therefore dictate how she reacts to what happens. hopefully this makes any sense? i know i dont necessarily need to defend her actions here (since plenty of others have already done the same) but i just wanted to get my thoughts down sdfnksdf