#i do NOT know what happened here

[zytes]

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

[oldbutchdaniel]

hey guys if you’re planning on making a vaguepost on the dashboard can you message me with the details and some of the lore behind the vague post you’re making. a vaguepost for the dash and a detailedpost for me. because i like to know what’s going on. if you do this i will automatically take your side because you’ve done the right thing by letting me know what’s up. thanks in advance ❤️

[krysmcscience]

I have some questions about karaoke night, Alex Hirsch. Very Important Questions. Which I will happily scream at a poor hapless baby triangle who can have no answers for me, and possibly also does not have object permanence yet.

Follow-up that is I guess suggestive, but let's be real here, Bill's a fucking triangle:

Dude slipped right into his birthday suit, lmao

this is so stupid :D

Anyway, I don't care what anyone says, this brilliant individual knows what's up - Bill is absolutely way more of a monsterfucker than Ford could or ever will be, full stop.

[lazylittledragon]

if i had a nickel for every au spawned from twitter that i SWORE i was going to be normal about

[iamanartichoke]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -

I am fine with "the audience" -

downloading my fics

printing my fics

copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics

sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3

making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss

doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc

I am not fine with "the audience"

doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity

feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever

Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.

Enjoy the fandom things.

[avid-adoxography]

💩headcanon!

OK, so! Since I've been given absolute freedom with this one, I think I'm gonna do two: one for an F/O of mine and another for their respective S/I. Because what's more romantic that having our wigs snatched together? jfksabgfjs

Also, spinning roulette guide me through this task, for I can't choose for shit <3c

Edit: it turned out waaay darker than expected, I'm so sorry besties

💩 : An embarrassing headcanon for Lord Bhaltair Kardok -> He can't swim. He's fine with crossing bodies of water or standing/walking in the shallows, but once the water gets near his elbow (the horse one, to be clear) he's out.

It'd be hilarious to think about this huge scary centaur warlord getting flustered by something so small, but instead it's actually really sad once you know the reason why (<- abusive father has entered the chat).

💩 : An embarrassing headcanon for [undone] -> Hopeless fingernail and skin biter, to the point of even drawing blood when she gets particularly stressed or overwhelmed. And being able to turn into a dragon doesn't change a thing: she will gnaw on those claws and you can't stop her (literally). Also...

Under the cut because of TW: pregnancy talk, gore, cannibalism(?). Idk man, I'm gonna put it here just in case. You can stop here dw.

Emoji prompts ask

She was also seen, naked and wide-eyed, as she was feverishly devouring her own placenta over the corpse of her fallen husband after giving birth to their son on the battlefield, cradling him in one arm while sinking her teeth in her bloody meal, crying and disheveled. But, that's a story for another time I guess...

[clownowo]

been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading

[egophiliac]

queen of diamonds, upright + reversed 💎

I've redone this like eighty times, I have to just be done with it now and stop staring at all my mistakes oh no 🫠

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

Hot take maybe but I think Bertie would be FAR more likely to survive the first two months of Dracula than Jeeves would be. Bertie has a healthy sense of self-preservation. Jeeves consistently underestimates how dangerous a situation might get (Steeple Bumpleigh, the club book) because he’s overconfident about his level of control over any given situation. He'd handle Dracula masterfully if they faced off in England, but on Dracula's home turf? Much more doubtful.

I realize this might be a tough sell, so I will explain further (or it's not a tough sell, and I'm going to explain further because I want to). (criteria taken from @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula) Without further ado.

Would Jeeves and Wooster survive Castle Dracula?

Jeeves

Jeeves' survival will depend on how long Dracula finds him more entertaining than irritating. On that basis, I don't think he's long for this world. On the one hand, he has a huge wealth of knowledge about English society and culture that he can recite perfectly from memory. That should buy him at least a little time with noted teaboo Dracula.

On the other hand, he would be absolutely no fun as a vampire plaything. Jeeves cannot be got. Sneaking up on him while he's shaving will yield zero reaction (though that's at least good for his short-term survival--given that, although he DID take the crucifix from the old woman out of politeness, he certainly isn't going to wear it. The rules of fashion don't go out the window just because you're in a spooky castle). Then, although managing the whims of rich jerks is not an insignificant part of a valet's job, Jeeves usually does this by bending his employers to his will. Dracula is not the sort of employer this will work on. It'll just add insult to injury when on top of being impossible to scare, NOW Jeeves is telling Dracula that his favorite cloak is several centuries out of fashion and he's not allowed to wear it anymore.

Jeeves will 100% go exploring in the areas he was told not to go-- though to be fair, he MIGHT actually get away with this, what with his superpower of appearing in rooms without being seen or heard. Said superpower might save him from the brides as well (though this is by no means guaranteed). Since I find it doubtful that Dracula would come to rescue his annoying ass, not being noticed is his best defense.

There are a couple other things working in Jeeves's favor; the question is just whether they'll be enough to save him.

He DOES know shorthand, and could try to send coded letters. He might even have the foresight to squirrel away some extra stationary where Dracula can't find it. But could he get them posted? Would it even do him any good?

He certainly has enough cultural literacy to figure out what his new boss is pretty quickly. If he didn't chuck the crucifix out the carriage window, he might start carrying it around in his pocket.

Psychology of the individual, sure, but the individual in question is a 400-year-old vampire who lives in an isolated castle in a foreign country and is regarded as a terrifying mythological figure in the surrounding villages. Jeeves has never come up against anything this alien before, he's cut off from his normal resources, and opportunities to play people against each other are limited.

He probably has enough upper body strength from all that shrimping and fishing to climb the wall, so he COULD escape if he wanted to, if he survived long enough. It's just, again, that overconfidence, and also Dracula has a vast library full of rare old books that are entirely at his disposal. He's keeping his eyes and ears alert for potential escape strategies, of course, but I don't see him being as desperate to get out as Jonathan was.

There are just a lot of "depends on"s here, and I'm not convinced that luck would shake out in Jeeves's favor, all things considered.

Bertie

Bertie is so perfect for the job of Castle Dracula Prisoner it's like it was made for him. Think about it. Being held against his will in big manor houses comes more naturally to him than breathing. He's afraid of things that are scary. A lifetime of dealing with Aunt Agatha has made him the world's preeminent expert in "curl[ing] up in a ball in the hope that a meek subservience [will] enable [him] to get off lightly." He will NEVER go exploring in places he's been warned away from if nobody is forcing him to (Rev. Aubrey Upjohn's office notwithstanding. There were biscuits in there). He's both fun to talk to and easy to toy with (and extremely English). A+ prisoner. Dracula adores him.

In my opinion, Bertie is at Castle Dracula either because Aunt Agatha got some wires seriously crossed and thinks he’s going to meet an eligible potential bride (I mean, there are certainly brides there), or because Dracula has something Aunt Dahlia wants him to steal (far less likely, given that one of Dracula’s THINGS is famously not owning anything silver). Either way, he's shown himself entirely willing and able to escape down drainpipes if a sitch gets too scaly.

He DOES take the crucifix, and DOES wear it (which is what will save him during the shaving scene, because you KNOW he's going to jump a foot and cut himself like the dickens). He's read enough supernatural goosefleshers to be genre savvy about terrified old women cryptically pushing crucifixes into one's hands. I also think his sunny disposish endeared him to the villagers, and they were particularly vehement about urging him not to go. He doesn't speak German or Romanian, but he's empathetic enough to recognize Pure Terror. So by the time he actually gets to the castle, his imagination is already running wild and he's plenty aware that he is in imminent danger.

I think the biggest risk to Bertie will be the brides; whether or not he's susceptible to trances, if he thinks they're trying to marry him, it's against the code of the Woosters to turn them down. But that only becomes an issue if he comes face to face with them, which, luckily, I think is unlikely on account of the aforementioned "won't go exploring" (and if he did, Dracula would definitely rescue him).

I'm inclined to say due to his drainpipe-escape habits that he WOULD be able to climb the wall and MAY attempt to sneak into Dracula's room to look for the keys if his desperation grows to outweigh his fear. Whether he does or not, though, he does NOT have the stomach to attempt shovel murder, and therefore won't get magic brain fever, and may very well simply walk out the front doors when the people come to take the boxes away. OR he climbs his way out like Jonathan did. Either way.

When Bertie tells this story at the Drones later, Tuppy will say that no doubt it's been greatly exaggerated and all that probably happened was that he spent a couple months in an oldish house entertaining a weird loner.

[inkskinned]

the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

[hinamie]

itakugi sillies fr the soul

[possiblyawesometmblr]

i'm allowing myself exactly one (1) moment of pure delusion:

jon martin jonah. thanks for your time.

[twinstxrs]

so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

[jekyllnahyena]

Give it some time Fox, he's trying his best

more dumb doodles in the Fox is the fav and thus has somehow ended up with an allpowerful evil grandpa

[decimatlas]

“ is it bad i really want to kiss you right now? ” / brooke to leon

❛ Yes, it’s terrible. You’re being unprofessional. ❜    Leon, who had previously been leaning over Brooke to look at the monitors with her, now stands upright. Their faces had been inches apart before, but as soon as he straightens out, he successfully eliminates the closeness between them. In response, Brooke attempts to swivel around in the chair to face him, but he grabs the back of the chair and turns it back around to face the screens again. 

❛ You need to focus. New security system isn’t going to learn itself. ❜    He remains standing behind her now, his hands grabbing the back of her chair to ensure she stays still.    ❛ Anyway. Night vision’s activated by the key that says ‘NV,’ but we also have thermals now. See the key that looks like a circle? Press it. ❜

Leon can tell Brooke is disgruntled by the way she reaches forward to press the key to activate the thermal cameras. His lips pull into a smirk and his hands begin to slide down the side of the chair onto her shoulders. Before she can press the button, he tugs her back against the chair again. He expects her to make a comment immediately, but before she can, he leans down and presses his lips to the side of her neck. He lets out a breathy laugh against her skin as her head instinctively rolls back, and he works his way down her neck, to her collarbone. 

‘ You’re being unprofessional, ’    Brooke pokes at him through hitched breaths, to which Leon smugly responds,    ❛ I can stop. ❜    ‘ Don’t you dare. ’

So, he finally swivels the chair around now, dipping down to kiss her but keeping his hands firmly pressed against her shoulders so she can’t get up.    ‘ Leon. ’    ❛ Mm, mm. ❜    He responds to her protests, and she lets out a breathy laugh against his lips as she finally stops trying to stand up from her seat. One of his hands releases her shoulder and begins to snake down, over her breasts and he presses his fingers against the crotch of her pants. This is met with a gasp and a soft moan from Brooke, and she once again lets out a,    ‘ Leon... ’    This time, it’s laced with longing – yet warning, and Leon peeps an eye open to look at the monitors behind them. 

❛ We have fifteen minutes ‘til Eden gets back. ❜    Leon moves his hand back up slightly and starts undoing Brooke’s belt, while his kisses become even more eager. His tongue slips between Brooke’s lips, and she reaches a hand up to tangle in his hair, tugging at it. Eventually, he slips her belt off and opens the button of her jeans.    ❛ Don’t move. ❜    He instructs her, letting go of her shoulder with his other hand. Leon pulls back, smirking as he sees Brooke is trying to catch her breath, as her eyes follow him. 

Slowly –– almost painfully slowly –– Leon sinks to his knees, his hands reaching to tug her jeans down. When Brooke moves to help him, he takes her hands and puts them back on the sides of the chair, shaking his head and continuing to slowly pull them off himself. As he reveals her skin underneath, Leon moves forward and begins to press kisses against her thighs, his eyes flitting upwards to look at her as she reaches one of her hands to grab at his hair again. She’s not-so-sneakily trying to guide him.  

So, Leon pulls back again, looking up at her as he reaches to tug her panties down. He pushes her legs further apart, but rises back up for a moment to deeply kiss her once again. Brooke lets out a whimper as she feels his middle and ring finger sneak down to rub against her folds. As he hears her breathy attempt to say his name again, Leon once more sinks down to the ground. This time, Brooke’s fingers tightly grip his hair, and Leon lets out a soft chuckle. 

❛ Beautiful. ❜    He begins to kiss her thighs again, but he soon makes his way between her legs. As Leon’s tongue finally slips into her slit, Brooke lets out a loud moan and throws her head back.    ❛ Mm, that’s my girl. ❜    He pulls back and mumbles against her warmth before his tongue gets back to work. 

[lizardkingeliot]

Buenos Aires, as fast as we can.