#i do like how this turned out tho bc 1) continuous and 2) the people’s faces are shrouded in darkness......almost as if theyre......masked

[tastesousweet]

⭒ the girl with the tattoo (iv) - pt 1 pt 2 p3

matt sturniolo x fem!oc / reader

summary : maybe the only way matt and y/n can stand being around each other is to fuck each other

warnings : weed, alcohol/drinking, smut (slightly rough but not very?? pretty filthy tho), profanity

mickey speaks : rlly hate how the smut turned out but maybe its jus me being a perfectionist + i changed a lot of shit ab UCLA (mostly grad dates) to fit into my narrative okay, i knowwww. only sorta proofread bc ive been busy, enjoy <3

THIS IS PART FOUR GO READ THE FIRST THREE PARTS DUHH

"FUCK!"

the turn of spring to summer in LA is typically the most eventful time of year. more parties are thrown than ever before in celebration of the season change, the boom of tourism begins, and of course school years are ending.

you celebrated your college graduation from UCLA only a week ago, with a large dinner at your favorite seafood restaurant and your friends all excitedly in attendance. matt was also there but you let it be known you invited him only so you wouldn’t feel bad (though he claims he wouldn’t have cared if you did or not).

you also shared an excruciating breakfast that same morning with your parents (both suffocating you with their traditional views that reminded you exactly why you moved hours away from them to attend school). you were cautious to wear items of clothing that would hide your tattoo and kept any conversations on the topic of your schooling rather than outside interests (not that they even care to ask) out of fear you may expose your routine of going out to party most weekends.

your brother was also at breakfast and you could tell he was trying his hardest to keep a positive attitude for you. you immediately noticed his wet face when you gave him a full hug after your ceremony, which made you cry, mostly out of missing him and love.

"it's not that bad!" andrea looks at you in the mirror as she continues to give herself soft curls.

“how the fuck did i manage to make this one downturned and this one up,” you reply in frustration while you point to either wing of eyeliner on your grimaced face.

andrea giggles and aims the stick of the curling iron at makeup remover lying in the sink, “just get a q-tip and fix it, cariño.” (“honey”)

you move around her to grab a q-tip from a small jar in the medicine cabinet before following her instructions, getting extra close to the mirror.

remi barges in the bathroom dressed in a mini skirt and a detailed patterned top, “hi nick!” she exclaims to her phone screen, placing it down on the counter while untwisting her lipgloss.

you can see nick’s awkward face as he sits in the car (making his camera jump at any dip or bump in the road), “sooo…this better be erin’s bathroom ceiling im staring at.”

“and if i say it’s not?” remi giggles to herself before rubbing her lips together to spread the gloss further.

“i’d say what the fuck are you guys still doing at home?! y/n’s our mutual friend that even got us into this bitch and i’m not just walking into some sorority house acting like i know any of these fucking people.”

“and we didn’t go to college!” chris exclaims to add to the point.

“yeah, we didn’t go to fuckin’ college!” nicks adds before his face falters, “the fuck does that have to do with it?”

chris’ voice is low as he explains himself, “you know…like, obviously we aren’t gonna know shit about some delta kappa omega?”

nick comedically pauses and the three of you watch the screen to see him staring at chris with no facial expression, “…okay chris. anyway, get your asses over here ASAP. we need you.”

“okay, we don’t need them. you’re being dramatic just chill out,” matt huffs from the driver’s seat.

“hey, we’re leaving soon i promise, nick.” andrea assures and remi picks her phone off of the counter to show the girl.

"thanks, but we'll be fine. erin told me where to find her, let's not get ridiculous." matt continues dismissing the conversation he finds so unnecessary.

you hold yourself back from saying anything but you can’t help but wonder just how close erin has got to matt. and how she managed to hold any conversations without pissing him off (no way a little lap dance dismissed matt’s entire personality). she hasn’t been too explicit about anything happening between them, only cluing you all in through her frequent mentions of him.

chris’ loud voice beams, “yeah, you ladies take your time! nick gimme the phone-” chris’ smiley face takes up remi’s screen now that the phone has shifted, “you know, who the fuck are we to tell any of you to rush?!” he sees andrea in view (with a form fitting dress and warm toned makeup) and can’t help the rush of words that decide to spill from his mouth, “andreayoulookfineasshitbytheway- and i just think, uh,” he giggles at his poor recovery and at andrea shaking her head and biting the side of her mouth (her very andrea way of blushing). “um, yeah, fuck, what was i sayin’?” he turns to matt.

nick laughs from the backseat at chris’ comment (he thinks it’s generally embarrassing opposed to andrea who finds herself embarrassingly flattered by him).

“nothing important, say your goodbyes now, we just pulled up.” matt gives his short advice and takes the phone. “see you, bye,” he hangs up and chris punches his arm immediately.

“dudeee!” chris groans. matt doesn’t give any reaction besides handing nick his phone back without looking at him.

“we’ll see them in less than an hour, get your shit.” matt tilts his head out the door as he opens it and exits the car.

“he’s so annoying.” chris huffs and turns to nick as he unbuckles his seatbelt.

“i don’t know him, he’s your fuckin’ brother.” nick shrugs and acts clueless. chris laughs into his seat and nick knows making chris laugh makes him feel way better than just shitting on matt would’ve.

matt opens his door again, “get your gigglin’ asses out here!”

౨ৎ

matt's suprised he's lasted this long at this party without a fucking drink.

he's seen just about every partygoer trope there is - drunk guys and "you need to sober up" girlfriends, overly excited drunks far too impressed by each new song that plays, the loner type who strictly speak within their circle even when wasted, et cetera - and has managed to lose everyone he knows in this crowd, leaving him alone with DD responsibilities in a sorority house bouncing with excitement in honor of their “graduating senior sisters.”

speaking of, he’s only spoken to erin once all night. he did see you with your friends briefly, early in the night before you were swooped away with nick to be introduced to some guy he just met.

so like all times matt is bitchless and bored, he decides to smoke. he reaches in his jacket pocket for the joint he rolled before the party, in case of emergency.

but just as he raises the lighter towards his mouth he's interrupted by an airy, high pitched voice, “um, excuse me!” matt looks over, “yeah, you. sorry, you can't have drugs in the house.” the blonde frowns.

“it’s weed…” matt clarifies, taking the joint from between his lips.

“uh huh! and that is prohibited, outside please,” she guides her hand, drink in tow, towards a sliding door behind her.

he's not gonna nitpick with some chick about the umbrella term of 'drugs' or debate whether the alcohol she's drinking lies under it, so he just nods his head “cool,” and removes himself from his spot against the wall to walk around her and out of the door.

౨ৎ

you slump against a nearby couch as you recover from a hour of dancing alongside your best friends. remi sits next to you and leans her head on your shoulder as you both look around at the room full of people (a shade of deep fuchsia covers the room from multiple LED lights around the large house).

when you feel your own blinks become slower you shrug your shoulder and look at remi's profile, "we should probably get up rem, or else we'll fall asleep. this couch is way too comfy." you sigh.

"mmm... yeah. kinda want another drink but," she turns to look behind you both, "the kitchen's all the way over there..."

"now i know you two aren't tapping out of my party already?!"

you both look over to see erin dressed in a small glittered party dress, making her shine as she walks closer. "erin, where the fuck have you been?!" you excitedly rise from the couch and give her a hug.

"it's actually so fucking hard to host a graduation party, especially with my sorority sisters- they've had me doing all these traditions and shit, i haven't had time to talk to like anyone!" she explains to both you and remi.

"well, at least you look good, bitch!" remi adds and holds erins hand to make her twirl in her dress.

"thank you," she blushes and looks down then back to you two, "have either of you seen the triplets?"

"i think nick's off with some dude and chris is 'teaching' drea how to play beer pong..." you trail off and look to remi, "have you seen matt at all...?"

"not recently, i don't think so?" she looks over to erin.

"oh okay, that's fine. just wanna make sure they're having funnn." she draws her words out as she plays with the ends of her hair and smiles. you and remi can both tell she something bothers her more than she's leading on.

"e, come with us to grab drinks," you hold both remi and erin's hands and guide them with you to the kitchen.

౨ৎ

matt hadn't realized how hard he was staring at you dancing until chris came up to him with wild eyes and a loud laugh, making him snap away from whatever trance he was in.

"you okay, matt? your brain's not buzzkillin' right?"

matt straightens himself to no longer lean on the wall, "no."

"you sure?"

"yes?"

"maybe you should say fuck DD and have a drink or two, might give you somethin' to smileee aboutttt!" chris laughs.

"don't be stupid, chris. 'm not driving drunk."

"obviously we'd get an uber, matt." he emphasizes with a 'duh' attitude. "i get funnier when drunk, not stupid."

"right," matt offers a light laugh.

he throws a hand over matt's shoulder as they both face the crowd of dancing people, "god damn andrea's fucking hot- swear she's been feelin' me all night," chris hypes himself up then brings his red solo cup towards his mouth.

matt's eyes shift from you to andrea, who's limbs move just as freely and smile is just as wide. "that's good, that's good," matt nods. "she's nice."

"she's everything, bro." chris shakes his head in awe, "but, uh, do you have any cash on you?" matt turns his head, eyes showing his annoyance. "i'll pay you back, you know that matt. just like $20 to get me in the poker game outside."

"chris-"

"please, matt," he begs.

matt lets a heavy sigh out through his nose as he rustles in his pocket for his wallet. "you're my favorite now," chris kisses matt's hand quickly before he's heading off with a crumpled twenty in hand.

matt's eyes follow him until he's fully gone, then he's turning to look for you again. only this time it's not a challenge at all, you're already on your way.

you pull at the bottom of your little black dress (which rode up some due to your eccentric dancing) as you approach. "hi, matttt," you sing. it's known to most of your friends that when you're drunk your emotions are ten times stronger, and right now you're feeling extra carefree.

matt can tell you've definitely had a few drinks, so he tries to keep the conversation civil. "hey," he cracks a smile.

"are you not having fun?" you ask. you've wondered ever since you recognized him across the room.

"sure, i'm having fun." he shrugs, keeping eye contact with you.

you notice his all black outfit and blue jean jacket, "we kinda match," you look down at yourself then towards him, "i had a jean jacket too...it's um, in a closet somewhere i think."

"then you must have great style," matt jokes.

"oh i think that was clear before i happened to match you," you joke making use of your hands while speaking.

"mhm, sure..."

"so, do you wanna dance with us?" you smile in question.

"absolutely not," matt laughs and brings a fist to his mouth.

your smile drops, "right, you watch us dance but laugh at the thought of participating...?" you move your eyes to each side, "'cause that makes sense, matthew."

"no, it's not like that. you go have fun, i'm just not one to make myself look stupid for fun." he shrugs.

"so we...look stupid?" you squint your eyes in amusement knowing matt is trying to be such a hard ass for no reason.

"you said it," he laughs.

now you're a bit annoyed. "so you go back to being a loser all alone right here in this corner, and i'll go back to this stupid party and enjoy myself."

"alright," he rolls his eyes, "go ahead and be dramatic about it."

"will do," you sigh and begin to walk over to your friends, presenting matt with the gift of your middle finger directed towards him behind your back.

and matt thinks he just might take chris' advice on having a drink or two.

౨ৎ

you hate that matt is still on your mind.

and it irritates the fuck out of you that you're now giddy seeing him for a third time tonight. but to give yourself the benefit of the doubt, you've gotten to the point where you're so buzzed you've become horny.

you came outside on the hunt for remi, who told you she was looking for erin, and ended up finding all three triplets at a makeshift poker table full of rowdy men.

and as some wise person must have said: when horny, find someone to fuck.

"y/n!! whatcha doin'?" nick notices you and gives you a wide grin offering you a chair near the table.

"hey, nick. 'm sorry i can't really stay i just, um, need to borrow matt."

matt. who isn't paying much attention to anything around him now that the four shots he took settled. with his phone in one hand and a beer resting in his other, he's bound to be startled when you come behind him and whisper in his ear, "heyyy, sorry to bother but can we talk?"

he blinks and looks behind him, "y/n?!"

"come," you motion with your fingers and begin to walk away as he rubs his fingers over his eyes and starts to stand up.

"yeah?" he asks getting closer to you.

you wordlessly bring him back into the heated house and navigate until you find a mostly empty hallway (all while he keeps annoying you by repeatedly asking what you want).

his back falls against the wall, "way to confuse the fuck outta me. what's good?" the hand you were once holding dives into his front pocket out of habit and the other continues to hold his beer.

"i just need you to take me home."

"y/n, i'm no longer driving myself home, let alone you," he shakes his head.

"right, i figured, smartass."

"glad those comprehension skills still work. grab your phone and order an uber, 'm sure you dont need my help."

"matt. i want you to come home with me." you sigh in defeat.

"oh shit." matt dead pans. "ohhh shit." his eyes widen before a a laugh breaks through his closed mouth, "sunshine...you're tryna' fuck?" he looks up at you from his spot against the wall.

you scramble a lie to make yourself look less pathetic, "you're a last resort trust me," you roll your eyes. this was way better in your drunken mind than reality.

"still made the list though!" matt jokes, "wow. who knew you were so romantic? bringing me all the way over here just to tell me you wanna fuck. and at your place? how sweet," he can't help but poke fun.

"fuck you," you say under your breath.

"well only because you asked so kindly!" he goes to wrap his arms around you before you push him back against the wall.

"are you done?"

"i guess." he shrugs.

"so will you or not," you try to keep your confidence and not allow matt's comments to embarrass you. "it's fine if not, just-"

"yeah," matt's smirk slowly grows. "meet me out front, i'll have to go lie to my brothers but i can be quick."

౨ৎ

"why am i shocked you're actually here?" you ask as you shut the car door and look over to matt, phone screen reflected on his face.

the car begins to speed out of the neighborhood as he turns off his phone and shoves it in his jacket pocket, "let's be serious for one second," he reaches over and pulls at the end of your dress, "you wear this and look like that and you think i'd say no? i'd be crazy. i mean, yeah, your fuckin' mouth can irritate me to pieces but-"

"actually just shut up, matt" you remove your head from leaning against the window and move across the middle seat to kiss him. you pull apart fairly quickly though, "how are you less mean yet extra annoying when drunk? i shoulda went with my last last resort." you shake your head.

matt grumbles before leaning to kiss you again.

౨ৎ

after a car ride full of teasing and rushed kisses, you both made it to your apartment complex.

you fumble with your purse as you search for your house keys, distracted by matt’s lips moving over your neck. you pinch your eyes shut in frustration, “mattt, give me a second,” you nudge your shoulder into him to get him off of you.

“let me see it,” he grumbles grabbing your purse and finding your keys with ease, moving his arms around you and unlocking the door.

“you make it look so easy,” you breathe and open the door with your body pressed against it.

matt lets go of you and follows you inside.

you lean a hand on the wall next to the door to quickly remove your heeled shoes and matt watches you with dopey eyes and glossy, excessively bitten lips before deciding to take his shoes off as well.

you walk closer to him once he’s done, your dress riding up your legs and barely covering your ass at this point. you look up to him and softly ask, “do you need anything to drink?”

he brings his right hand up to hold your face and moves close to your lips, “you know i don’t want a fucking drink.”

“you don’t?" your pout is genuine even though you're teasing him. he knows you're sweet enough to really get him a drink if he desired. he draws his thumb across your slumped lip before you speak again, "well…what do you want, matt?” you move your hands to the waist of his jeans, tracing the outer seam.

he pinches his eyes shut and moves his head to lean on your shoulder, he’s not gonna be the one to say he wants to fuck you. you want to fuck him, that's why he's here. so he’s definitely not begging you to touch him.

“hmm…?” you hum as your hands go to either side of his face, bringing him back to look at you. he looks into your eyes as he drops his hand from your jaw. you notice the pink splotches that still linger on his face, recovering from the heat of the party atmosphere and now the heat of this moment.

matt looks down at your lips, “you know what i want, and you want it too.” his hands travel down and push the front of your mini dress up as he feels over your underwear.

you mouth hangs open and you move your hips against him softly. begging him with your actions rather than your words. and those tend to speak the loudest.

"so what do you want, y/n?" he asks quietly without breaking eye contact.

"matt-" you breathe, wanting him to do anything more than a juvenile rub over your underwear.

he licks and sucks your neck as your hands capture his hair. “where do you want me?” he sounds out of breath when he asks so close to your ear. he finally moves his fingers past the waistband of your panties to nudge your clit as he taunts, “hmm…? you want me right here?”

you whine, “we can’t right here."

"why not?" he breathes against you, annoyed.

"i can't have you fuck me in the foyer i share with my best friend,” you just know andrea would be pissed if either of your body’s fluids made it onto the freshly vacuumed carpet.

he retracts his hand, “then why are we just standing around? show me to your room,” his voice is rough.

“why don’t you try to guess which is my room is mine?” you smile with your faces far too close together.

“why don’t you be a good host and give me a tour?” he retorts.

“that’s not fun,” you push.

he growls and lifts you up, walking past the living room and into a hallway that splits in two (all while you incessantly kiss his jaw and upper neck). he huffs at his ridiculous situation and reaches for the first door he sees. a toilet sits at the end of the room and a cluttered counter to the left.

“bathroom,” you mutter with a giggle.

matt responds with a snipped tone, “mhm yeah i’ve seen one before.”

his grip on your waist grows harsher as he opens and closes a multitude of doors with you commentating over.

he finally makes it to your room with you mocking him in a cheer of celebration as you climb off of him and turn on the dim light near your bedside.

matt would normally take in the room around him but his headspace is far too sexually frustrated to give a shit about how you decorate your room.

he opts to stand near the door and eye you from afar, wanting nothing more than to pounce on you.

you notice this (as well as the fact that matt hasn’t listened to a word you’ve said about minding the mess of clothes piled in the corner from your struggle to pick an outfit earlier) and slowly walk back towards him. the soft yellow light blurs behind you and highlights the edges of your figure in a mouthwateringly pretty way that makes matt antsy.

when you’re close enough matt somehow pulls you closer. his nose nudges against yours messily before capturing your mouth in a heated kiss. your hands feel for the end of his shirt and move underneath it to touch his warm lower stomach. you can feel how his body expands and curls as he breathes through your unwavering kiss.

despite wanting to keep the tension high, you break apart from matt to tease a bit, “can i touch you?” his face is scrunched absentmindedly from his desire and his lower lip finds its place tucked behind his front teeth when he rushes a nod to you in encouragement.

you push him away from you softly, “take your jacket off.” you move to your bed and after the sound of a jacket hitting the floor, you find him right on your feet, chasing your kiss and heat.

he leans over you and immediately finds your lips once more. now that he’s on top of you he finds himself wanting to get you to say how bad you want him.

his hands meet your thighs and move your dress as they run up to your rib cage before moving back down to squeeze your thighs.

matt’s surprised when you’re the one to involve your tongue in the mix, making the kiss sloppy yet intimate. your hand then crawls into his hair to keep him close.

but he doesn’t let you hold him for long, taking your hand from his hair and laying it against the bed, raising himself above you. “what do you want sweetheart?” he lowers his other hand towards your stomach, grazing your tattooed hip gently before feeling your underwear.

“you,” you respond in defeat and desperation.

“oh? and you want me to…?”

“matt. touch me,” you take your free hand and guide his own under the waistband of your underwear.

“but i thought you wanted to touch me? now you’re just bein’ selfish.” he keeps his hand close to your pussy, running his index finger across your lips kindly.

you look at him with droopy eyes, “please."

so matt lets you be selfish. he selfishly wants to taste you after all. he lowers himself to your face and captures your bottom lip once more, sucking then biting down slightly before moving his face further down your body slowly. your dress maintains its rippled shape in a bunch right where your tits lie.

he makes his way to your tattooed lower hip, still a little impressed with his execution of the cartoon (as it's not his typical style) and showing this with a kiss, then a light lick (making you shudder the tiniest bit). as he furthers, he finds the space on the bed is not enough, opting for the plush, carpeted floor.

matt sits on the back of his calves to watch how your body reacts when he pulls your panties down, only he misses the satisfied smile curling onto your face when you move your head to the the side.

he shifts your pliable legs to give him a better view of your heat's entirety, spreading your folds gently as he gathers spit in his mouth and spills it onto your clit. his eyes flicker from your face (choking on a moan) to the bead of saliva mixing with your natural slick that has him on edge. “that feel good?” he asks and moves his fingers up and down your pussy slowly, bumping your clit but not lingering long enough.

“yes...so good, matt,” you encourage in a broken whimper.

he hums, placing his mouth over your clit and sucking hard. you moan out lowly and you can't help but close your legs around matt's head. he normally would lay them flat again and tease you but he finds the pressure and dizziness turns him on so much more. his hands rest at your hips, moving up and down and your legs cradle his head as he works his mouth and tongue on you.

"mm fuck," you reach above your head to grip the soft colored comforter in your manicured hands. matt never falters, his licks only become needier when he adds two of his fingers to curl inside of you.

he continues his restless actions until the moment right before you have registered you were about to cum. then, he's immediately removing himself and standing up, wiping his face with one hand as the other hurries to unbuckle his chunky black belt.

you grumble and fix yourself to sit up and look at him, now discarding the belt into his own growing pile of clothes on your floor. he begins to unbutton his pants when he hears you whine and pull at his ego to get him to come back. “how fucking typical. should’ve known i'd barely get one orgasm, let alone two out if this.”

matt immediately stops unzipping his jeans and comes closer to stand above you, his face clearly annoyed. he gives your pussy a light slap, making you whimper. “keep talking shit, brat.” he grits through his teeth and slaps it again making a filthily wet sound that has you moaning.

he doesn't stop at that; he begins to harshly rub your clit back and forth without mercy, keeping eye contact as his face hovers your own, before moving his fingers inside of you while his thumb continues to work your clit. continuous loud moans crowd your room before you eventually meet your high with rolled eyes and shaking legs.

matt quickly pulls his fingers out and wipes them against your thigh leaving it sticky and shiny like golden honey. finally able to unzip and remove his jeans and boxers, allowing his needy cock to be free from the tightness. you move to the edge of your bed when you hear the small clap against his stomach, eager to find matt as ready for you as you are for him.

he watches from above as you admire his length while your fingers ghost over his sensitive dick. you then bring your mouth closer, dribbling spit over his tip and wrapping a fist around him. you look up into his hooded eyes for approval then take him in your mouth and jerk the rest of him with your hand.

he groans and bites his pink and undoubtedly swollen bottom lip as you suck and hollow your cheeks around him, even taking him all the way at some points. and though this feels fucking amazing, he wants nothing more than to be inside of you right now.

he holds the base of your neck then squeezes lightly to get you to pull away, spit erotically traveling with your lips. “can i fuck you now?” his voice is perfectly hushed yet demanding in tone.

you nod and matt wipes your lips, “good, take that dress off.” he removes his own shirt and reaches for a spare condom he’d put in his pocket before leaving the house (for no particular reason). he turns back to you, with your breasts now on display for him, ripping the package with his teeth.

you motion for him to give it to you and he complies. somehow even when you’re literally putting a condom over his dick, you’re a sweetheart about it: kissing it once he’s fully covered and turning yourself over onto all fours without him having to ask. because you understand yourself and have the confidence to choose the position you’d like to be fucked in. and matt would be lying if he said that isn't so fucking attractive.

he smirks as he adjusts himself on the bed, feeling out every inch of your full ass before moving his hands to squeeze your waist. you lay your head against the plush comforter, arching yourself further in anticipation. “matt,” you blubber out a whine.

he takes the base of his cock and guides it through your folds, “mhm…i know.” he sees your face twist in amusement, “oh, you like that, huh?”

you lick your lips and nod your head before matt finally pushes himself fully inside of you. his hips start in slow, rhythmic patterns before becoming uncontrolled and incomplete- and the same goes for your moans.

matt's almost hypnotized by the way your ass moves in reaction to his thrusts (slowing himself down just to watch in detail and only speeding up when you start to get really antsy over it).

as you both get sloppier and chase your highs, matt decides to flip you over and tuck your legs into your chest for a different angle. there's something especially needy in the way he rubs at your clit and makes a mess of your tits with his mouth that drives you insane with pleasure.

"my- shit!" you moan harshly under matt.

"hold it," he huffs.

"can't," you whimper, "just-"

"shhh," matt captures your lips as he quickens his pace, feeling his own climax approaching. after a few moments you're breaking the kiss to roll your head away, exposing your neck as you uncontrollably cum around matt.

"fuck," he moans, stilling his movements to maximize his release.

he takes a moment to breathe before removing himself from you, immediately fucking his fingers into you while rubbing your weak clit (just to be annoying) until you push him away and tell him to fuck off.

he lets out a chuckle as he removes the condom and discards it appropriately. when he comes back over to you you're on your side with your own arm wrapped around your waist in comfort.

matt sits next to you, "that good for you?"

you just nod and bite back a smile.

matt hums in pride, running a hand over your exposed ass before leaning down to kiss and suck a dark hickey into the skin.

"c'mere," you tug his hand.

he complies and you turn to open your legs for him once more, grinding a bit once the two of you begin to kiss again.

you reach between the two of you, taking matt's half-hard dick in your hand and stroking. as you pick up your pace he whines and begins to thrust into your hand in need.

until you hear your front door open. to which you push matt off of you and on to the floor, hearing him groan as you snap at him to get in your closet.

you crawl under your comforter while matt hurries to gather his things from your floor and get into your closet.

you hear andrea stumble a little making her way through the house and you catch your breath just as she knocks on your door and cracks it to check if you're sleeping.

"y/n, you awake?" she slurs a whisper.

"yes. hi drea, how'd you get home?"

she opens the door a little further but continues to lean on the door frame, "how did you get home? was lookin' all over like 'where's my girl?' everyone was usless though," she sighs.

"sorry, i took an uber," you giggle, "i got sleepy, i guess."

"mhm...you and me both." she yawns expectedly.

"you should get some sleep, we can talk in the morning, okay?" you smile from your bed.

andrea nods, "'kay, love you." she leaves with a sleepy smile.

"love you," you reply as she shuts the door again.

you let out a relieved breath, glad she hadn't suggested a sleepover like you'd both normally do when drunk.

matt walks out of your closet, almost fully clothed, buckling his belt again, "gave me fucking rug burn, thanks."

you move a hand over your face, "sorry- i just don't need anyone seeing you here."

"'s fine," he shrugs and takes a seat on your bed, "how long is it gonna take her to sleep so i can leave?"

"less than five minutes," you pick at one of your acrylic nails, seeing matt place his jacket on your bed makes you almost laugh to yourself, "shit, i left my jacket at erin's."

matt grins to himself and adds, "shit, i left my car at erin's," with a shake of his head.

you both laugh softly before it fizzles.

matt's back is towards you as he opens his phone to order another uber home. and now the silence brings you back into reality and suddenly you're feeling sick to your stomach about erin.

it takes you a little but you eventually mumble towards his back, "matt you didn’t fuck erin, right?"

"no," his voice sounds distracted and like he wouldn't care even if he did.

you focus on a loose thread in your comforter that you pick at, "...kay. not that it matters 'cause this was only for tonight. but i know i would probably die from guilt knowing i fucked with you after she did."

he turns to see you genuinely out of it and seeming to shelter yourself under your blanket. he leans towards you and rubs your arm softly before whispering, "don't make it a big fucking deal, nothing's different." his stare actually makes you feel far worse but you nod as if you agree anyway.

he stands up and puts his jacket on, “you sleep well okay, sunny?”

"shut the fuck up, you don't care about how i sleep," you whisper.

he breathes a laugh and reaches for your door.

꩜⋆ ˚｡⋆🎱˚

tag list (ily):

@rootbeerworshiper

[flavorita]

hi! riddle smut pt 2 pls??

like y/n answers wrong…

hurt/comfort like she’s crying like bc of the degradation and edging

ur fine to use dick !

aftercare too! like a fluffy one maybe

tyty !!

LMAO OKAY

Idk how much aftercare we can do at a library tho but I'll try 🥴👍

Dumb and Dumber Part 2

Riddle Rosehearts x Fem!Reader Smut 🔞

Part 1

TW: Degradation, Edging, Rough Fucking

Riddle had you thrown onto the table, pencils and papers askewed, as punishment for answering every single question he had asked you incorrectly.

He had you bent over the table, with your skirt thrown up and your panties tossed aside. He thrusted his dick in where his fingers had been moments before as you could only scream in pleasure from his harsh thrusts against your cervix. He hadn't even given you time to adjust and had begun to unbutton your shirt. He roughly groped and massaged your breasts after pulling your bra down and began to pinch and prod at your nipples sending jolts of electricity to your clit with each ministration.

"Ah, h-", Riddle crudely shoved his fingers into your mouth. "Shhhhh", his other hand began to grope your breast even harder, "I don't want to be caught with the likes of you."

"Hnnn!", you squealed out as much as you could with Riddle's fingers muffling your noises.

You could hear Riddle sigh and slow his thrusts into your cunt. No, don't stop! were your only thoughts as you fervently tried to rut against him.

Riddle pushed his chest further onto your back making your breasts flatten against the desk while his dick continued to push into you until you felt like you were going to burst.

"Y/N, what did I say?" His other hand grabs you by the throat and forces you to look him in the eyes. You could see he was disappointed.

"Mmph mmm", you really don't want to disappoint Riddle but you can't speak with his fingers, coated in your cum and spit, stuffed into your mouth.

"Aw~, you stupid slut."

Your mouth opened in a silent scream and your eyes went blank as you felt Riddle pull out to immediately shove himself back in to the hilt. "It's to keep you quiet, dear Y/N."

Riddle grabbed you by the arms and began to plow into you. His thrusts were as harsh as the words flowing freely from his mouth as if all of his pent-up frustration was being taken out on you.

"Ungh, no Riddle!"

The pleasure and pain was too much. Your hands twisted and turned in his steely grip, trying to find anything to hold on to as his hips collided with yours at an infuriating pace. Your stomach hurt from how hard you were being banged against the table and your breasts were being rubbed raw. Each push of Riddle's rough manhandling sent you closer to the edge, but not before your eyes begin watering.

Why are you so mean? Why do you hate me? I'm sorry for not being smart enough for you... Riddle!

Quiet.

Absolute silence filled your ears as your heart began to calm and your blood began to cool. You felt the pressure in your abdomen lift as it seemed Riddle had stopped moving?

"Is that really," you heard Riddle's breath hitch, "how you feel?"

Had... Did you say all that aloud?

Your arms limply fell to your sides and you could finally feel how sore they were as you rubbed the bruises on your wrists.

"Y/N," Riddle had wrapped his arms around your stomach and buried his head into the crook of your neck. It almost sounded like a whisper but you could hear a faint, "I'm sorry".

Did you hear that right? Your dorm leader was saying sorry? To you of all people?

"Riddle?", you turned your head to look back at him but he refused to look up. You reached your hand to pet his hair, but decided otherwise. As you began to draw your hand back, you felt Riddle wrap his hand around yours. Gently. Almost as if he were afraid.

He gave your neck a tender peck as he continued to hold your hand with a slight blush on his face.

You reached out to him with your other hand and placed it on his cheek as he leaned into it with a pitiful look, as if he was begging for forgiveness over hurting you but was too prideful to ask.

"Riddle," his face perked up as he listened to you attentively. "Can we study in your room next time?"

His face lit up with a smile as he placed a tender kiss on your palm, "I'd love that, Y/N."

[zzencat]

What If I Don’t Really Believe?

tl;dr : having trust in the universe

———-

I had a magical moment today that I wanted to share with you guys. So for the past week, I’d been reconsidering quitting the job I literally just got like 3 weeks ago-ish due to how it thrusted me too fast into situations where my anxiety would freeeeaaak. A lot of networking has to be done too so it’s not just approaching random people on the side. I know that tackling these skills and developing them would help me immensely in the real world, but my introverted mentally-shaken self kept pushing back on it. The dilemma was against gaining these new skills by going full force out there or quitting and waiting for a less demanding, mentally and emotionally taxing position in August. Only last night was I really debating about it after a team meeting, and being in PMS mode doesn’t help. I was like “*fidgeting fingers* I should have a 1-on-1 with the boss” but I didn’t know how to bring it up or approach the topic since I could probably get fired for “not being desperate enough” to be there or work for them. Or he’s just so busy that he might not have time to talk. I asked my spirit guides for a sign because I was stuck af, in my own mental hell and the overwhelmingness of it all. I haven’t been seeing signs or synchronicities as often as I have and I was so desperate for an answer. I was like “if you guys want me to continue with this, I will. If you don’t, so be it. Give me something pls” with my hands clasped together n everything. Said it out loud with my brows pulled together and eyes screwed tight.

We had a team meeting this morning—which I also wanted to 98% ditch bc I was considering just distancing myself just in case they did kick me out, but I attended anyway. With a lot of hesitance and anxiety tho. My stomach was hatin it. Turns out they were offering new positions to this girl and I to just call people and connect them to the main man. TOO LUCKY!! I was like “yeah sure; it’ll help me build some kind of foundation” since I’m fairly new in the whole job world.

After the meeting, the boss CALLS ME. I was gonna reach out and be honest abt how I was feeling pretty unsure and I didn’t wanna be out and selling (especially things I’m not particularly passionate abt), and that maybe I should just quit…BUT BRO CALLED ME. Right after the meeting. I couldn’t believe. he caught me up with speed, is a very nice little man, very understanding and overall, a great teacher. I confessed my thoughts and feelings & he did his. He basically did a private tutoring session with me before his next meeting, AND even considered the ADHD part bc apparently his cousin has it too and he had to teach him before. Chances like these don’t land before your feet everyday, like ever.

I got into it a good 2 years ago and have been fuckin w it ever since. It was such an odd time for me but I took my chances and went with the wind, catapulted myself out of a toxic environment without looking back just because some tarot lady on Youtube told me to. That in itself was crazy. But it was my first act of sacrifice and very much a blind leap, putting my full trust into my spirit team and the universe- I swear my intuition has grown so much and I’ve first had my doubts about this whole tarot spirituality intuition thing, but they always come around. I saw small signs literally the first few days, but was like “nahh it’s just a coincidence…bc no way…right?” When I pick piles/have someone do readings on me, I always take them with a grain of salt in case things switch up. But I promise you, if you have even a sliver of thought that it’s real, it will be. There’ve been too many signs and happenings for me since then to not NOT believe. But don’t forget, you have to put in work to manifest as well (I will link a specific pac I liked.)

So my lesson today is…HAVE FAITH AND TRUST IN THE UNIVERSE. DON’T LOSE HOPE. Ask when you need help. Something will work out for you!

[eldritch-araneae]

So; I finally finished watching earthspark; and I truly want to hug Bee; like a lot; my bot does not deserve all that happened to him. I also need more information about breakdown and brawl. Also where was Optimus. Also megatron gets a hug. And Tarantulas and hashtag!

Where is grimloc?

Bee needs a medic, by the way.

There are many more questions and feelings.

But I will end this here.

You also get a hug!

Rev

I have a lot of thought about this! Earthspark Spoilers under cut!

1)Bumblebee def needs a hug and I really hope he will receive some, poor guy! That's a great set up for his character arc as well, which I thinking will happen in second season. His struggles with the alt-mode, agent Schloder being so obsessed and incredibly angry as Bee, and the whole thing with Breakdown. Can't wait to see how this gonna play out.

2) Yeah I also wonder who will treat Bumblebee's injuries? Will it be one of Autobot medic? Or one of Terrans will take this role?

3) About Optimus it's very interesting how he was absent, there are mostly theories how he's being mind controlled by GHOST and such so I wont repeat those, bc I have an additional thought that maybe Optimus is working on better solution. Perhaps with work with some government people to get legal protections for cybertronians on Earth, but he must do this in secret bc GHOST might find out ( and lets face it, Megatron is unreliable in current state).

The reason why no one think of this is bc everyone projecting IDW, and I sincerely hope the ES writers didn't go the exactly same path as comics. Decepticons being oppressed while being the military faction, and Autobots being the oppressors while they are mostly represented by civilians and workers never sits well with me. Besides there an an official continuity where the roles are reversed and it's called Shattered Glass. Ofc there is still big possibility that writer still copied the IDW formula, which would be super disappointing to me, but I'll live. As long as they butcher Bumblebee ahaha. But so far I do like it what I see in the show in current state. GHOST being corrupted organization ( and we don't know if it was always corrupted or it got corrupted over years) but it's the only somewhat support Autobots had and Optimus knows it and he also knows it will affect everyone (which why he hides a lot of Autobots and Terrans in first place). And he's know there is some shady shit on, but doesn't know what exactly (and same with half of GHOST bc Schoder isn't aware either) that's he's trying to find a better way. (Side Note: Tbh, I think about how Croft's possible end goal is got get full control over cybertronians ( and even over humans, we saw how immediately she gain full control over Mandroid and he fails to see it bc of his own hatred) to use them as war machines to her army! Even Optimus kinds implied it when he said "I'm afraid GHOST might use them (Terrans) as asset", like asset for what? There is only one answer for it and we all know military do with those assets.)

Optimus is very interesting, he's really in bad situation right now, and he tries his best to solve it, but its really difficult and he often has to morally compromise just to prevent another war from starting.

And Megatron, even tho he good intentions to break down the oppressive system on Cybertron, he failed, and the main reason why he failed bc he surrounded himself with enemies like Shockwave (which I'm surprised on one else pointed this out yet). So his faction turned into yet another tool of oppression, bringing the war to Earth and trying to conquer it. And what I find interesting is just the fact Megatron isn't there yet!

Right now to me he appears to be someone, who only started to accepts his mistakes, but he doesn't take full responsibility yet. He doesn't realize that his movement was doomed to fail bc of ppl like Shockwave and the fact his still call him a friend after how badly Shockwave treated Terrans really screams it.

And if this gonna be a story not how Megatron isn't actually a traitor of Decepticons, but he was surrounded by traitors and Megatron finally realising it - this would be very cool and thousands times better than whatever it was in IDW!

And I much prefer the situation that a lot of cons joined the cause bc they were ether lied to, or were in desperate situation and Shockwave took advantage of this. This would make perfect sense for "not all cons are evil" and "cons are evil and they choose to be".

[starheirxero]

i want to hear you ramble about your au

I FELL ASLEEP LIKE IMMEDIATELY AFTER I POSTED THAT POST BUT YAYYYY OKOK SO.

In this au, I’ve decided 1) that I want to blend the fnaf sb canon as well as the tsams canon and Also my headcanons for both, 2) THAT EVERYONE IS ALIVE AND OKAY, 3) that the exploration and understanding of the kill code is a big focus!

It’s set in a post-Eclipse world where he no longer has the star and no longer continues his reign of terror because he just. doesn’t have enough anger to fuel him to keep going anymore. Eclipse bitterly gives the star back to Moon (who isn’t reset btw!) who either destroys it or keeps it real real locked away, I haven’t decided yet. I think the next several months would be everyone sort of putting their guards down and setting things aside for the sake of being like, “well. we can actually just live… normal lives. we can be like actual people now if we wanted. we don’t have to worry about a persistent, lurking threat… so. who wants to come make a barbie dreamhouse with me.” ya know AHSJABDD

These are the main situations of everyone in the world right now !! I’m gunna elaborate a lil more on each bc uhmmm I have thoughts and feelings and I’m diseased about my own au. anyways more under the cut LOL

So! Due to a reason I haven’t fully decided on yet (either the pizzaplex is no longer inhabitable or it was shut down because of how much shady shit has happened), Sun and Moon no longer have the pizzaplex to work and stay at and didn’t rlly know what 2 do at that point. Earth says that running their own daycare without the influence of fazbear entertainment over their heads is a possibility, and since it’s mostly second nature to them now, they agreed. The building has an area in the back that is disguised as an “employees only” area but that’s just bc it’s where they have their bedrooms and living space stuff lol

Killcode had insisted it be alone after Eclipse stepped down, but Solar Flare’s base programming said that they must help Killcode at every turn. At this point, their sentience had further developed, and KC was like “dude. buddy. u don’t have to follow ur base code u know that right. u can do whatever u want forever.” and Solar Flare was just kinda like. “well. uhm. well what if i want to still stay with you. what if i just want to be around you, despite my primary objective of protecting you.” and KC was like “that’s. that’s really sweet actually okay if u insist” and now I have to just sort out what their living situation is LMAO

Lunar has their own place!!!! I think this was something I decided almost immediately because I don’t think they’d have a whole HOUSE for themselves, but I do think they’d want their own little one bedroom apartment yk?? So they can actually feel independent!! At the time of the story they haven’t had it long enough to be like, super decorated or anything, but it’s still their own home and they love it to death.

and Bloodmoon is the one who’s often at Lunar’s apartment!!! They visit often enough that Lunar has a little area in the living room for them to call their own, as well as a whole shelf in the fridge dedicated to keeping blood bags so they don’t go hungry when they visit. KC also has the same tho!! Except KC might have a whole room for them, depending on whether I make them settled or wanderers.

Eclipse chose where he lives himself. He knows it’s far, he knows it’s quiet, he knows it’s not really his element, but he knows what he’s done. He knows that most of the cast is still in the area where the pizzaplex was, and he doesn’t want to risk bumping into anyone on the off chance it’s someone who decides they should finish their plan to kill him. He isn’t really better, though. He sits and he stews in his own frustration until he can’t handle it anymore and either breaks something or obsessively buries himself in a project so he doesn’t have to think about his own emotions. A stray cat visits him every few days, though, and he thinks he’s starting to get attached.

ANYWAYS AHAIAHSIAHSD THIS IS ALREADY SO LONG. THE JIST IS THAT LUNAR WANTS TI ACTUALLY KNOW HOW THE KILL CODE WORKS SINCE IT EFFECTS SO MANY PPL IN THEIR FAMILY SO HERE’S A SNIPPET OF THE FIC WHERE LUNAR ASKS BLOODMOON ABOUT IT

[chthonicgodling]

~*Seph's Daughters*~

first - next - last

cranking out Melinoe content as the one person who knew abt her before Had2 comes out - JOAKS,, anyway fr do you too forget all the time that Maci and Meli are half sisters bc OOPS!! though of course Meli's since been adopted by Euriales so -

weeelll for the uninformed, since i dont talk about Meli much here (anymore ah), lets delve into a very long recap<333 for you new people but also for you old people for funsiess – ahem! underr the cut! This is a massive lore dump!!!

FIRST: Melinoe! version: BLANK.  the backstory – 2,000 years ago, she was born the daughter of persephone and ZEUS, who saw an awful "opportunity" when the Underworld royal family was in turmoil immediately following the thanatos debacle and seized it :(( Melinoe was born with two physical souls inside of her, one of them the embodiment of all good and the other the incarnation of all evil, prophesied by Fate to lean one way or the other but ONLY one at a time depending on how she was treated

Her “family”… fuckin ignored this and proceeded to neglect and ignore her for eight solid years – mostly Hades but YES also Maci who 1) is not always the best person im sorry you had to find out this way fjfhfhg but also 2) was heavily influenced by Hades who was manipulating the fuck out of her too so idk I guess she cant fully be blamed??? She certainly should be tho cmonn. The Blank Early Melinoe, while the dual souls inside of her each waited to seize control of her vessel, did not speak (actually fun gross fact whenever she’s Blank shes got no physical tongue fhfhg), or sleep or really do anything, just quietly haunted the palace. Her aura was split down the middle black and white! and then!

SECOND: iiits OrigiMel! version: EVIL. “origiMel” is not a real name first of all its just Melinoe but she is considered the ORIGINALL incarnation of Melinoe hence the OoC nickname to differentiate, by age 8 the evil side of her had had enough and wrested control of the physical vessel and assumed her role as Goddess of Ghosts, Most Evil Creature In the Universe and thus began a reign of terror that would continue for two fuckin millenia. Her aura turning black. She murdered lots and lots of mortals and has done SO many awful things! Shed also hypnotize their ghosts of mortals she killed to serve her as endless slaves and playthings forever. Bc she reached her full powers so goddamn early thanks to Hades and Seph an Maci treating her like shit, Melinoe is forever 8 years old (out of universe this is. Because when I created her 15 years ago I was fucking obsessed with the ring that’s literally it. Self callout ig whatever lmfao) but was theeee most physically powerful being in the entire underworld.

Eventually due to her persistent hatred for Maci and family she focused all of her evil energies on the mortal Maci was DATING 2,000 years later – this of course was Tory – and she terrorized HIM specifically in some really really awful ways, before they got together, AFTER they got together – shes actually a huge part of Maci and Tory's story as their main villain forget about fuckin Thanatos,,, well this all culminated in the absolute last straw when she murdered Tory’s mother :((( in,, front of him,,, , eventually the Elysium gang figured out that by erasing her memories, they could reset her Blank again and give the good half of her a chance to take over, so after she was captured following that murder, Epi and Maci and Tory and Lethe forcibly erased OrigiMel's memory which turned her Blank indeed and then-

THIRD: finally, Meli! version: GOOD. That’s exactly what happened! When OrigiMel’s memory was erased, she was taken in by Epi and Eury (before they had other children, she was their first ,,) who adopted her as their own and cared for her lovingly, eventually the good half of her seized control. This is the Meli of today! She is sweet and kind and compassionate, still eternally eight years old, she has a family who she loves and so many siblings (including Ty and Bel who are her BABY BROTHERS no matter how old they get!), she loves to draw and hang out with her best friends whomst are all ghost children fggkgkh.,, The first thing she did as new Meli was cut her hair.

Meli’s aura glows white – WITH PATCHES OUT OF IT, becauuuse well oh god it’s a very long story but years later the evil half of her briefly escaped and umm killed Epi and eury’s first bio baby Melanie, before she was immortal in utero, tearing her soul to shreds as goddess of ghosts and uh. Aahh. Meli found all the pieces and glued them back together using parts of her own aura :’))) Melanie’s soul was reincarnated into Ty and Bel hence why they’re one split into two!!! Anyway as for Maci and Meli – i guess tbh they never really formed any sort of formal sisterly relationship since Seph's so disowned her and Meli is so completely Epi and Eury’s daughter, but Maci does love her and uh. Is super embarrassed and regretful of allowing all that to happen so. Happily ever after now!

Aaaaand that’s it weeooo. Anyway enjoy these three pictures rffjghjgjhkgggjkfgj i didnt need to write all that if you made it to the end. hi. thanks.

[daz4i]

ok ok rather than make a bunch of annoying vent posts i'm just gonna put everything on my mind all in one post to let it out 🔥 you absolutely do not need to read this, this is honestly so ridiculously long. my brain better feel clean for like at least 2 days after this fr

i knew i was gonna crash after this week and i think this is it 🥲 i was so tense for literally a whole week (even more tbh, bc i was preemptively scared of how much i have to do too) and i think the adrenaline drop kicked in after the peak of this one (aka being in a big social event. haven't been to one of those in literal years)

also. my parents have been sick this week and i think i maybe have contracted it too? 😭 if that is indeed the case it literally kicked in in the last like hour of the event, i was perfectly fine beforehand bc i avoided being in the same closed space as them when i could (aka kept my distance or made sure windows were open around me all the time jic). bc suddenly my whole body hurts like it hasn't in a long while. tho that might be the adrenaline crash too who knows 🥲 ig i'll see how i feel when i wake up

i have not been creative in awhile and i can feel my brain drowning in gunk lol. technically i tried writing songs a couple of times lately but they came out so bad i can't finish them. or anything. and i feel like shit abt failing to create literally anything. and i keep seeing people be creative and make so much or sharing their work fearlessly and it's always so much better than mine too that i'm burning with jealousy that i can't turn off (and can't channel into my own creation bc well. it comes out shitty! so the cycle not only continues but in fact gets worse each time). every time someone tells me i'm good it feels like they're lying to make me feel better or bc they love me so they're. biased and see everything i make as good bc it's me, so i can't count that. every time *i* feel like smth i made is good there's some glaring imperfection i don't know how to iron out so i start hating the whole piece. i don't know how to become better when every time i try to practice i end up wanting to claw my own eyes out as punishment for being so talentless and dumb

(the dumb thing too is. oh my god this is gonna sound so silly but. i try to make myself feel better by solving puzzles or trivia or riddles etc bc these are things i'm usually good at. but lately i can't be proud of myself for succeeding at any of them, and i keep beating myself harder for every time i fail or don't do as well as i used to, bc it feels like i'm failing at the only thing i'm supposed to be good at. also i just generally keep doing stupid things lately esp when it comes to my time management or taking care of my body in various ways, i keep forgetting things which is smth i almost never do, i struggle to get through conversations with others bc i trip over my words or make mistakes constantly, generally i'm just being stupid in various ways)

right now i am. so anxious. about so many things. here let me just make it into a list starting with very small to. probably still small but it feels big to me

1. this is so silly but. i am literally too tired to put small earrings back in after changing them to long one for the party. and i'm scared the holes will close up in my sleep. but this is literally so much work 💔 idk if the holes haven't healed properly or if i'm using the wrong metal so i keep getting infections bc it's been A While (two years. apparently. maybe more??) and they haven't healed yet. like i said a silly thing to get stressed over but i am. very tense

2. i don't know. if the people i knew in the party actually didn't recognize me or if they ignored me on purpose. bc i stood next to some of them while my besties were talking to them too and they didn't even say hi (or like introduced themselves the way others that i didn't know have done). one of them was literally my bestie for a good few months a few years ago and even tho i grew a beard i. don't think i changed THAT much??? also i don't think it's hard to make the connection abt who i am given how tight this community is. someone i haven't talked to since like 2015 bc we had beef recognized me even. so how come they didn't. i met one in a con recently and she did recognize me so. h. did i do something wrong. did someone say smth bad about me. i don't know i don't understand social rules enough to figure it out 😭

3. this is another thing abt that tbh 🥲 while it was very fun and a super cool event, it did remind me very painfully of why my social anxiety is so bad 😭 i felt like i made 10 social errors per minute. i didn't know what to say half the time so i just smiled or laughed and i think that made me seem creepy idk. a lot of people were very nice and i think i did mostly fine with them but also maybe not. idk. i am definitely overthinking things but what if i'm right. it's not that out of the question. i am known to fail social interactions there's a reason why i do my best to avoid them

4. and this is kinda bringing me to a thing i have on my mind a lot recently. bc i'm doing the recovery thing. and a lot of people - friends family and professionals who help me there - tell me i am capable of more than i think or admit. and i get WHY they think that bc i *am* doing a lot compared to the literal nothing i've been up to for years. but i am very much pushing outside my limits, which is why i'm constantly feeling like shit lately i think (not that i was doing great before but. yeah). it probably seems mostly effortless bc i just do them without beating much around the bush but that's only when i mentally prepare myself days or even weeks ahead (for reference, i'm talking about things like. being in public. or taking a bus). or the work i do for projects that... honestly idk how i'm doing that either. i am the laziest person ever and i have no ability to concentrate yet i managed to sit down and do work and do it well and learn text by heart and research and write for hours and ??? it does not feel like myself. but it also kinda does bc i need to very forcefully push myself into it and berate myself for hours until i actually get up to do anything so. it's not smth that comes naturally to me. i don't consider myself capable of things. i'm just very good at pretending i'm unbothered (up until i start crying uncontrollably at least lol) so ppl think i am. unfortunately. bc then they expect me to do more. or they pressure me into it then get disappointed when i can't do it (ig that's the core of it for me... i don't want anyone to develop expectations about me, bc i know i won't be able to meet them, at least not long term. so i insist i can't do anything, bc sometimes - often - i really really can't. i don't wanna be judged by my best. feels false to even call it that tbh. but that's bc it's so rare, it's the best for a reason, the absolute peak i can get to, as pathetic as it is. bc the problem is, when this is already beyond my limits, i literally can't go further, but that's what they want me to do 💔)

5. god. this is also a small thing probably but the accidental lie i mentioned. for context i am giving a lecture abt p5's mythology in the next con, that's the thing i was working on lately. anyway when i signed up i gave background information about myself, and to make myself sound more fitting for the job i said that i learned the topic in [university that specializes in said topic] bc i did - just. 2 classes. that's it. i was telling the truth there, technically (most of my knowledge on the topic comes from independent research, but the classes i took did help with that too, as in i knew where to look for info and things to look out for) (also for reference i'm gonna be fr. i did not finish these classes. social anxiety got to me and i was scared to go to anything outside zoom lessons which weren't an option anymore unfortunately)

ANYWAY when they told me i got in they sent me a "revised" bio which was just what i originally sent them, so i said okay. but now the whole thingie was posted and i can see my bio there and. they said i graduated from [uni] and used language that implies i have a degree in it, probably to make me sound more credible, but it's not true!!!! 😭😭😭 the thing i said was definitely embellishment but it WAS true enough that if asked directly about it i could spin it somehow ("oh i haven't finished yet" "yeah i took a couple of classes when i could to enrich my knowledge") but this. makes it so much harder

chances are i won't be asked bc why would anyone ask abt that. but ever since i started writing the script i was so stressed about people calling me out for being wrong abt info, so i even added a disclaimer of "these are old texts that have many versions that vary according to location or were changed with time uwu if you know a different version of this story that's probably why uwu" and "due to the time constraint i'm giving a very simplified and short version of this topic uwu" bc given that i'm talking a lot abt judaism. to a mainly (or most likely, entirely) jewish audience. it's enough that there is someone who is religious or previously ultra orthodox in the audience that if i make a mistake they could point it out. and then i'll start panicking and lose my train of thought and fuck everything up while i'm already so stressed as is and-

so like i've been super stressed abt all that^ until now but that misinfo in my bio is raising the stakes for me 😭 bc now what if someone who went to this uni and majored in this topic calls me out on never seeing me there. or they can tell the info i'm giving isn't smth that's taught there or isn't the way it's taught there. this is such a specific and unlikely fear but i can't not stress about it because TECHNICALLY it's possible, it COULD happen even if that's not too likely

6. all of this is while i'm also struggling with bureaucracy around that art program i'm signing up to, idk if i'll get in yet or not bc i need some files to be approved and idk if they would, and idk what i'll do if they don't. or what if they do! i'm honestly so scared to start it, idk how i'm gonna go from nothing to waking up early and driving an hour 4 times a week to be active and around people for a few hours. tbh i don't think i can, but also if this gets approved then i have to, so the government's money doesn't get flushed down the toilet bc of me.

7. all this shit has a major impact on my physical health 🥲 not getting into details bc that's def tmi territory but. i'm fighting for my life over a certain stress-caused medical thing for weeks now. only other time i had it was when the war originally started so naturally i was extra stressed then, but like, this is to give you a reference for how majorly stressed i am now. my regular pains are flaring up more often too which makes things harder to handle as well (like, stressing abt not doing enough work, bc i'm literally in too much pain to do anything but lie down. or being scared of the plans i have for the week bc what if these pains catch me when i'm outside or with people. how am i supposed to push through them. what if they catch me when i'm in public and i have to sit down in the middle of the street. what if i'm with people and i'm holding them back from doing smth bc of that. etc etc)

8. ofc all this is happening during the war and i keep seeing things i really don't wanna see from ppl in my country and the west 🥲 and it's like, the mix of guilt over this happening at all, and the frustration over feeling like i have nothing to do about it, and fear about how things are gonna escalate in either direction, and seeing friends from other countries posting things i agree with but can't condone full heartedly bc well. this'll hurt me directly, as selfish as it sounds (tbf, when i say hurt me directly, i'm talking about me and my loved ones' lives being endangered), but also seeing said loved ones talking about things i can't agree with morally, yet can't fully refute either because life is. complicated. i have a lot more to say tbh but i'm too tired to acknowledge every single facet of every single related issue which will open me to a lot of hate so. best to leave it here. unfortunately

idk where to put this. sorry for the sudden topic change. it feels bad to be stressed over that but, there is a guy who i know likes me like a lot. i think i'm like exactly his taste and he's always so excited about seeing or talking to me. one of my besties - or maybe more. idk - really wants us to get together bc tbh it'll probably be good for both of us, and y'all know how desperate i am to be loved lol. but i can't bring myself to like him the way he likes me 💔 he's fun but i have a hard time with one on one interactions so i can't really progress things and tbh, idk if i'm currently in a mindset where i even should, given all that^. also i know for a fact i can't handle an actual relationship, and i'm scared i'll disappoint him or drive him away if i'll be my real unfiltered self, and ik i need to be obsessed with someone to get attached this quickly but i can't force it either. and to put it more directly... i'm perfect for him and his taste, but not the other way around 🥲 (tho tbf idk what my taste even is. i identify as aroace for a reason). i don't wanna string him along but i think i already kind of am 😭 i like him but not as much as he likes me, but what i probably like here even more is the feeling of being liked. and that makes me feel like a dick. i also feel guilty for not liking him the same way ig even tho ik it's stupid bc it's not like i can control it. and yet

so yeah this is. a lot of shit. all at once. both silly and not silly at all. my brain is in constant overload. i get violently suicidal every time i have a moment alone with my thoughts or when i see anything that reminds me of that. bc all this stress makes life feel so impossible - it IS impossible - that i can't handle the thought of it, but half of the things that cause me stress are supposed to be for the purpose of distracting me from how stressful everything is. so. what the fuck am i supposed to do about all that. how am i supposed to live like at all

[strawberry-creep]

Okay idea, TMNT2012 x Sweet tooth

Mikey (10) as Gus

Casey (18) as Jep

Karai (20) as Bear

Shini (20) as Tiger

Donnie (18) as Aditya Singh

April (20) as Rani Singh

(theyre more like found family not romantic partners tho)

Shredder/ Oroku Saki (old as dirt) as Douglas Abott

Leo (16) as Wendy

Raph (13) as Tommy (could change)

Jennika (adult idk what age // yeah i know shes not a part of 2012 but shjh) as Aimee Eden

Splinter (deceased lmfao) as Pubba (Richard Fox)

Tan Shen as Birdie

and thats as far as ive gotten

Few things i have changed, Both Hamato Yoshi and Tan Shen were scientists who worked together and eventually fell in love and started a family their oldest Miwa, second oldest Donatello, Middle child Leonardo, second youngest Raphael and youngest Michelangelo. Yoshi had always known Martial Arts and taught his children when they were old enough to learn. Yoshi and Shen being home mutagen that is highly dangerous bc they dont know shit abt it yet. Donnie having a love for science and wanting to impress his mom takes it upon himself to go and investigate it which prompts his siblings to want to check it out too. Raph having an obsession with turtles brings his pet to come watch and Mikey crawls in (hes around 1-2 ish at the time). The mutagen spills mutating all the brothers but in different ways: Donnie only gets a turtle shell with all his other features being relatively human like, Raph gets mutated into a half turtle half human hybrid (like regular 2012 raph), Leo has turtle like limbs with the rest of his torso and head being human like, and mikey gets mutated into a half human half turtle hybrid like raph since he was exposed to it super young. Miwa finds them and calls for her parents who at first freak out and then try to find the cause of the mutation to turn their children back. (I havent fleshed out what the virus would be but lets just say the kraang had something to do with it) Then the government starts freaking out about the virus which causes chaos and once they find the mutated brothers they arrest tan shen and Don, Raph, and Leo leaving Miwa alone because shes human. Yoshi is in his lab monitoring Mikey because hes still a baby and just got mutated. Once he catches wind of the arrests he flees into the woods with mikey thinking that Miwa is safe. She wasnt and she and donnie were separated from their mother, raph and leo (who escaped). Oroku Saki being the person people go to for answers sees the potential in Donnies smarts and Miwas skills and decides to keep Donnie alive because of it having his partial mutation be a manipulation point for him and giving him to a wealthy and smart family where he can continue to advance in his studies (the o’neils) while oroku trains Miwa. After a few years of training under oroku miwa and her girlfriend Harmony escape and decided to form their own pack of children who lost their parents the foot clan and train them in martial arts they were taught. Both change their names Miwa becomes Karai and Harmony becomes Shinigami

During the shake down Casey Jones’ younger sister was born her being a hybrid (plot hole i will patch up later) which causes him to freak out

Back with Mikey and Yoshi, Yoshi changes his name to splinter as to not associate himself with his scientific discovery gone wrong and trains mikey for 10 years of his life also telling him stories of how life was and his family before all this happened until Casey finds Mikey and Splinter (dead), Mikey who has grown up with the sense that there was more to the world than what splinter told him wants to go and see for himself and find his family. Casey having a soft spot for hybrids agrees and together they travel

thats as much as im going to write bc its two am and i have school in four hours

[draconixiaa]

tired but i'll do a bit of this (will be a bit rambly:D)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

24,, wow not bad

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

165.5k wow thats a lot,, most of it comes from one tho; everything else are shortfics

3. What fandoms do you write for?

DSMP and ive just started a bit of genshin at the behest of my Tartaglia-obsessed irl and he's kinda cool but like for 95% of my other fics its all cdream ahahahhh(dies)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

"Consequences" tops the charts obviously bc its my one and only longfic and it was written during the peak of dsmp and man id link it bc i love my storyline (cdream obviously gets messed up in prison but then gets a healing arc) there but at the same time i feel like the writing had too many grammar mistakes and could be better so nahh

"North Star to Freedom" is one im actually really proud of, like obviously the writing could be better bc ive improved, but i just like it and id deffo rewrite it too if i had time or steal it into an original fic (premise is that cdream escapes prison with the rebibe book and oh lord my lingo anyways (spoilers) he dies and he gives techno book)

"Persevere" is third, wow that's a long time ago, its alright, i like it in general, but it feels almost cheesy. idk. i like it, but i dont like it. its not mixed feelings, but eh. anyways, something about cdream getting captured by the egg which is about to take over the world but he sacrifices himself to cleanse it. the most acute thing i rember about it is that its a 3parter

"Coup de Grace" ok wth i didnt expect this to be on there it was a small little cdream suffering in prison and cphil comes over, sees him in pain, and cough relieves him of it, and i dont like the writing in a specific part of it, but i like it in some other parts, so eh

"turn the claret tides" whoops i forgot what this one was about ok i glanced through the doc its ctechno getting cdream out of prison wow that title was really vague but he gets the letter and things went on.. it was inspired by another fic and happened during the hype of the prison arc which is kinda cool

(man im looking at the amount of fics i want to rewrite but it aint happening sadge)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Sometimes, most of the times nowadays, if it particularly made my day or it has something deep and insightful or literally makes any observation on my fic. sometimes im just too tired to answer,, maybe laziness is a part of it too, but i stare and its like,, i cant generate a response . but nowadays, i do it most of the times bc i appreciate my commenters :D

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

my recent fics mostly have happy endings, but all my pre-like, mid 2023 fics were all sad sad sad. they all ended in cdream dying, one way or the other. so idk which ones the saddest now its been too long,, the one i personally think is the saddest is one that i like, was listening to sad music to, the song being 'sociopath,' an orchestral piece (or was it piano?)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

consequences

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

once on consequences bc that was max cdream apologists vs inniters era

9. Do you write smut?

nop never ever ever

10. Do you write crossovers?

dream + tartaglia is one i wrote in fudging october that i am still trying to find time to continue

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

prob not, if there is, then i wouldnt know of it

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope, if there was, i also dont know of it

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

wow thats crazy that i havent, but idk, teamwork and coordination just go meh when i only share my interests with online people

14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

idk i dont do ships but my fav friendship is dream + techno or dream + punz

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

all my chapter continuations except the tartaglia + dream one i Need to finish that. but also the palace of stone idea will Never Ever get written

16. What’s your writing strengths?

descriptions idk they go lengthy but ive practiced with them a lot so ive gotten kinda good

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, pacing, idk literally everything, i can prob improve on anything and every aspect of my writing rn, and i just need to practice more

19. First fandom you wrote for?

DSMP lmao

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

consequences i love the storyline + ending of that one even if the writing couldve been better

uhh tagging? idk if theres anyone that doesnt overlap wiht people whove been tagged b4 les see: @milktearosethorn , @victoriacoffee , ,, oh theres only two ok well, have fun if u decide to do this!

[deepestbluesky]

i was tagged by @minnarr to list my 5 favorite fics i've written! it's actually very funny to me, because i saw one of these posts yesterday from a writer i like very much who i've followed for ages, and then i got tagged today, and i realized the connecting thread is literally just one person in between. anyway!

note: in case you haven't looked closely at my ao3 page (or. not closely tbh. to my eternal regret, it's still my top fandom), i used to write hockey rpf. i don't anymore, because i think hockey and especially the nhl is morally bankrupt and actively harmful, and i no longer feel comfortable writing about nhl players or sharing fic about them. this is all to say: 1, i actually don't think i've explicitly said that before and it's important to me, and 2, i will not mention any fics from this fandom.

LUCKILY, i've somehow???? written a lot????? since then????? this continues to baffle me. how did i get here. (🎶letting the days go by🎶) (if you think, gee, did sky have trouble picking 5 fics? it has been fully half an hour and i'm still at 11 fics. the lengths i go to for tumblr posts that don't matter.) (have now picked fics, didn't take much longer bc i decided to try and go for a wide spread of fandoms, and also to pick the ones in that 11-fic list that had the lowest kudos lol)

give thanks to the broken bones. this is a batfam fic in which bruce wayne gets kidnapped as a civilian and dick grayson comes to rescue him. i have some defensive feelings about this and about the way dick and bruce's relationship is written here, but i often feel like i'm not great at writing complicated relationships that aren't just fluffy, and i feel like i nailed it here. also: gen fics.

tired of waiting for tomorrow to come. another batfam fic! this one a character study of sorts about jason todd and also my love letter about bruce springsteen's music. it's one of the most self-indulgent fics i've ever written and i'm really satisfied with it, even tho there are definitely things i wish i'd done differently too. i wrote a dvd commentary companion too so if you want Even More Of My Thoughts about it, they are on ao3 :D

daydreamers please wake up. there are goddamn NINE fics for this fucking fandom and mine is the LONGEST??? this is a fic for another dc comic, Far Sector, written by nk jemisin and drawn by jamal campbell. i loved far sector, i think it's gorgeous and fun and a cool sci fi story with very fun characters, and so when i had a chance to write a fic for it for yuletide, i was DELIGHTED. and then i realized i had to figure out how to write horror for the first time. it was a lot of work and i think it turned out really well.

don't let the stars get you down. this is a fic for the untamed, and it's jiang yanli and jin zixuan. i have now written TWO platonic marriage fics for the untamed, and i'm personally thrilled about this fact. this one is shorter but also, in some ways, more interesting to me. i really love fics that dig into jyl and what she's doing and thinking and i haven't written as many as i'd like, but that is very much what this fic is. also i just have so much love and affection in my heart for the idea of two people being married and having a kid while not being In Love and in fact having sex with and falling in love with other people.

you're a curious one. this is a word of honor fic, and it is, of course, hanwenzhou. so, to be clear, if you count shl/tyk/qy together, it's CLEARLY my second most written fandom. and yet it ended up with only one representative on this list, partially because i have more kudos in this fandom lol. but that said, if i was only gonna pick one, it had to be REALLY on brand, and this fic is PEAK sky is on her bullshit. inspired by a critical role scene with sexy dangerous vampire attacks. the whole fic is building tension that never quite resolves bc building the tension is way more fun to me than writing sex scenes usually. spoiler: everything is actually fine and there's a happy resolution. this concept still lives in my head rent free.

idk who to tag, so AS USUAL, if you see this and want to play the game, do it and say i tagged you! i am very serious, you can tag me even if we've never interacted. you can also not tag me but say you got it from me! whatever works.

[anosci]

(1-15 albums etc that I've listened to this year, copied from twitter) (now with art.) (media version) Jan [1] Feb [2] [3] Mar [4] [5] [6] Apr [7] [8] May [9] [10] [11] Jun [12] [13] [14] Jul [15] Aug [16] [17] [18] [19] Sep [20] [21] [22] Oct [23] [24] Nov [25] [26] Dec [27] [28]

names and thoughts below cut

1/ Ken Ishii - Flatspin (2000) this dude has a really lovely synth style that feels just right every time.

---

2/ (every Dream Wave Project release from 2001) golly, I don't like trance, especially from around the turn of the century! anyway I wonder if this y2k trance netlabel will have anything good. (<- clueless) somehow there were a few bangers tho. Link-D innerflux? top notch.

---

3/ DJ Technorch & 九十九音夢 – Strong Anthropic Principle (2016) holy shit tracks 1 and 3 immediately jumped into my fav of all time list EZ. the m1dy remix is ace too but wow tough competition.

---

4/ maj7jam - cover ring III (2023) wall to wall slappers. (I'm on here too!) its a variety thing so i cant rly summarize it but... big favs: "Dear Siren" "dissociate for frogs" "blank disquette" how did a remix of my tune turn into the funkiest thing here? hot damn

---

5/ かたぎり – かたぎりは電気狐の夢を見るか？ (2021) feels like its been a while since ive chewed on some breakcore. this one's delicious. I love that rapidly changing textural stuff. "Code Name: Romeo" and "Stray Cat Syndrome". is there a name for that technique? good stuff

---

6/ Nav Katze - Never Mind The Distortion (1996) ive been thinking about checking out the original albums that afx's "26 mixes for cash" were pulled from. idk if i'll continue the trend, but this one was well worth the listen. lovely late-era bleep sound all around

---

7/ Paradigm Shift - Paradigm Shift (1995) from a rabbit hole of recommendations: "it's good i promise". and yep. it's GOOD. slightly chilled chemical breaks. considering the date and long-lasting freshness I'm kinda surprised this isn't more highly acclaimed.

---

8/ Faith Massive - Drum & Bass for the Masses (1998) more from the rabbit hole. I have a soft spot for mid-to-late 90s liquid dnb, and this hits that spot for me. the synths in "Downtreader" especially.

---

9/ Todd Edwards - Full On, Vol. 1 (2001) endless high quality chops. it's one of those styles that still sounds futuristic in a way.

---

10/ Orbital - The Altogether (2001) i wonder why i skipped this when i was digging through orbital's stuff. (listens) oh. because it doesn't click with me. [some of] the remixes on the associated singles are a bit better tho.

---

11/ DJ Krush - Reload (The Remix Collection) (2001) kinda a mixed bag, which is to be expected for a collection (of remixes) "Maiden Voyage" hits just right tho

---

12/ Capitol K - Notes From Life On The Wire With A Wrecking Ball (2008) i love Capitol K's soundscapes but I'm very particular about vocals. these vocals DO NOT vibe with me :( there are a few instrumental tracks, luckily for me

---

13/ Wevie Stonder - Drawing On Other People's Heads (2001) feels like a turntablism thing but... drum machine? akai? idk. a little different. i do kinda think the vocal samples are excessive, but not enough to throw out the entire album yknow?

---

14/ Hol Bauman - Human (2008) surprisingly haunting.

--- February ---

15/ VA - We Are Friends, Vol. 11 (2023) this year, im planning to [try 2] keep up with new releases from artists/labels i like. this is the first one that really hit me tho. which is cool bc mau5trap is... usually so-so imo. highlights: "Another Day", "I Like Math", "11:11"

---

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

god the patronizing hand wringing i've read worrying that if izzy is 'redeemed' in season 2 then all the haters will turn on the show and accuse it of changing its plans to pander to izzy's fandom favoritism. and like, no, probably not! if the writers decide to go in a direction where izzy starts to do better and heals, i currently trust the writer's room to figure out a way to do it that serves the narrative in a satisfying way. idk what could be the catalyst for that kind of growth and change, but i couldn't have predicted most of season 1 so i'll let the big brains on the show figure out if that's something that could work.

i'm more worried about The Discourse if he doesn't get that. certain izzy stans have so wildly reinterpreted the show to make him into who they want him to be, someone's bound to feel betrayed if he continues to be a villain. like i look at the way people complained about infinity train season 3's villain arc for simon, who was imo more sympathetic than izzy, but was given every opportunity to be better and instead doubled down every time until it killed him. so much blame was heaped on grace, who started out in the same place as him, but did put in the work to start doing better, for not trying harder to help him. (how shocking that the black girl who was having a rough enough go at having her own worldviews shattered and confronting and recognizing harm that she'd caused that couldn't be undone was criticized by fans for not also correctly managing the feelings of an angry white boy who decided that any change in opinion was a betrayal to him.)

all that is to say, are izzy stans going to be okay if their guy isn't given the redemption, or in some cases, the hero's vindication they think he deserves? or are they going to blame other characters for not trying hard enough to help him find a way to do better?

i mean, there probably WILL be some people complaining if izzy gets redeemed. i know i take a very firm izzy-critical stance and have gotten into a few arguments w izzy fans about it, but in a fandom this big there are people who are unhinged in all sorts of ways. i dont doubt that SOMEONE out there will get real pissed at the writers if izzy gets a redemption

i am torn tho whether i want an izzy redemption or not. for story purposes ive talked before abt why i think a bad ending for izzy would be interesting to see from a STORY perspective (and also a personal taste perspective), but like you said, if any writers' room could do an izzy redemption arc justice, it's this one. if i think there's something to criticize in ofmd i will criticize it (i have an entire tag for it), but im not gonna like. harass the writers just bc they didnt kill off my least favorite character. nobody with any braincells would do that.

the thing is tho. while i have no problem with an izzy redemption arc as long as it's well-written, i AM kind of terrified of izzy apologists to having MORE reason to interpret izzy as a poor innocent victim. not that i think the writers would actually portray him like that, but if we're given any actual in-text reasons to sympathize with izzy (instead of subtext and headcanon) you KNOW there's gonna be a huge chunk of izzy fans who will be INSUFFERABLE about it

but then youre right, if izzy doesn't get redeemed there's gonna be SO MUCH SHIT. the people who interpret ed as izzy's abuser (🤢) are already gonna have a hard time when ed ends up in a happy relationship with stede (honestly, what fucking show do they think they're watching?), i dont want to even think abt the discourse that'll happen if izzy isn't redeemed. i was only ever in the periphery of the infinity train fandom, but from what ive heard, the discourse was truly horrific

(also tho it's so funny that u mention infinity train bc i brought up simon in the tags of BOTH of those posts i linked above and then i got an anon rlly coming to simon's defense. i didnt rlly get that deep into the discussion w them bc i dont remember a lot of the specific details of infinity train and please nobody send me anons telling me more things abt what happens in infinity train i dont want to talk abt infinity train but i do agree w ur opinion lmao. simon infinitytrain is a crusty-ass white boy who do i feel very bad for but his story was very well-written. grace infinitytrain my beloved <3<3<3)

[mikeellee]

Sending an ask to continue the convo bc my phone is lagging due to the many many posts

I understand that Bakugo was chained bc he was raving like a lunatic, yes. Obviously if he just behaved, that wouldn't have happened. Tho that's not the point I'm trying to make. They didn't have to parade him like that or chain him if they just didn't give him the award (in a way, he forfeited the award but they just. Didn't accept it. Like I rlly don't agree with that. If he doesn't want it, don't give it to him. There is rlly no need to chain a 16 yr old boy to a pedastal just to show that he won. If this had to happen in this society, ppl would be like "wtf?" but bc it's anime, it's seen as smth funny when it's just. Inhumane.)

I don't like Bakugo bc he put Izuku through that. I actually HATED him in season 1 and about half of season 2 bc of it. And when I say the toxicity of hero society, I don't just mean abt quirks and he's not the only one who is like a representative for it. Take Shoto's parents for example. It was an arranged marriage bc children with powerful quirks and that's how Shoto happened. Like, u can't tell me that isn't showcasing the toxicity of hero society. Same thing with Izuku getting bullied for being quirkless and Bakugo looking up to All Might - the no. 1 hero - and creating this "I will win by my standards" ideology that literally breaks him beyond repair. He gets sucked into his own ideals so much that he gained a superiority complex that was toxic to others and then an inferiority complex that was toxic to himself. And if u rlly think abt it, if this whole thing abt ranking heroes and stuff wasn't a thing, they wouldn't be in these situations. If ppl without quirks weren't looked down upon as weak, he probably wouldn't have bullied Izuku. If there was no ranking for best hero, he probably wouldn't want to win at everything and Shoto Probs wouldn't have even been born...

Bakugo is indeed important to the story and he doesn't only exist for Izuku's development. He gets his own development and we can see that by looking at how he was in season 1 and how he is now (Season 3 and 5 are the best examples tbh). And he's part of the main 3, who are all important to the storyline. A story isn't only plot-related, it's character based as well. Even tho Horikoshi is doing a bad job rn, he isn't a total idiot who made a story with absolutely no morals. If you analyze the specifics, u can see so many problems that are staring you right in the face but never make themselves known (bc it's for you, the watcher/reader, to wonder about and that's what makes stories fun) and it's especially interesting in mha bc of how it gets portrayed (I love talking abt Bakugo when I mention this; bro cries more than Izuku in mha and no one else seems to notice (I rewatched it a few times and actually got shocked with how many tears he shed but it was never obvious bc NO ONE LOOKS AT HIS EYES SPECIFICALLY WHEN THEY SHOW HIS FACE, HIS MOUTH IS TOO BIG))

Ok NOOOO, I can absolutely not agree with that- the story was originally supposed to be abt how Izuku becomes a hero without a quirk. I'm not sure why Hori scrapped that idea but I'm glad he did bc this is much more interesting than the cliche underdog stories. Mha does have many messages... We just need to look for it. A rlly obvious and out-there one is how most villains are just people who's stories haven't been told... In the MVA arc, we see everyone's reasons for siding with Shiggy and can understand where they're coming from. And for most ppl, that's where they took a turn and no longer knew which side they were on. I can go further and say that the hero system is a very black and white system that doesn't see the grey parts (this was emphasized by the fact Stain like. Exists.) He kept going on abt "fake heroes" and how they needed to eradicated and then u have Shiggy, seeing potential in him and trying to recruit him to the villain side. But Stain wouldn't have that. He wanted to continue being a vigilante. As for the heroes, they see Stain as not only a vigilante but a villain as well. And yeah... U can probably predict where I'm going with this

Felt

No clue... Missing in action

Lol...

Huh, for Stain...let me ask this. Have you noticed how his arc is pointless? Not sure if is the right word. But Stain appears and....nothing really changes, you know?

Shiggy? Oh Shiggy. As someone who likes Shiggy.....he could have handle better. To me, he is forever AFO's meat puppet. Shiggy never really try to understsnd people, he is thr type to bite first ....and be shocked when people dont offer him a hand. Like, his first apperance in the show is....him wanting to murder kids.

"But he made a good point" ok but his speech lost any meaning the moment he goes "huh what if I try to murder those innocent students"

[drbtinglecannon]

001 with TOH! Or, because that one was predictable, 003 with Lilith 💜

I'm a'ok with predictable haha, I'll do both!

TOH

1. Favorite character:

This is so difficult but I'll have to say it's a tie between Eda & Darius

2. Least favorite character:

Tibbles, other vile chars (Odalia, Kikimora, Terra, Adrian) are at least fun to hate, have good designs, and contribute to good char analyses on why they're like that & the harm their abuses caused. Tibbles is just...a capitalist pig, which is a great pun but he's still boring

3. 5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

Raeda, Lumity, Huntlow, Gustholomule, Dariraeda. Or every char x therapy

4. Character I find most attractive:

Darius, Raine, Eda, Camila, & Steve all take turns bearing the title of "most fuckable person in the grocery store". Lilith isn't qualified solely out of respect

5. Character I would marry:

I feel like Camila would be the best choice haha

6. Character I would be best friends with:

I would've loved to have Luz as a friend in HS

7. A random thought:

A headcanon I have is that Eberwolf's a polyphyodont (his teeth continually replace themselves) like a shark. This horrified Darius at first

8. An unpopular opinion:

*sighs* Huntlow is a perfectly cute ship that's still important representation regardless if either char is queer or not, and if it ended up canon it would not ruin the queerness of the show nor would it be "horrible rushed writing". There are clear hints for a romantic angle plus it's been directly paralleled to both Lumity & Caleb/Wittewife, and after everything the show has been through & did for queer rep it's fucking nuts people are this mad over something minor. No one has to like x pairing but it's honestly depressing to see these complaints so often.

Also m/f does not automatically mean "allocishet" nor is it inherently bad, signed a queer person in a straight passing relationship

9. My canon OTP:

Lumity & Raeda are so fucking incredible and both mean so much to me, sometimes I can't believe they're canon

10. My non-canon OTP:

There's a lot of ship questions huh. So here I'll put "Darius Eber Hunter & Flapjack all live together & it's sweet chaos" because I have put a lot of HCs, writing, and energy into thinking about them

11. Most badass character:

Steve convinced a god to not care about godhood during his journey of leaving "faceless minor character status" via quietly quitting a cult. Goals

12. Most epic villain:

Belos is really the only choice, but even further Belos is probably one of the top villains in western animation, guy is unstable yet iconic

13. Pairing I am not a fan of:

Bosh//low & gold//ric were unavoidable for years (2yrs for bw 1yr for eh) it was awful

14. Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

I don't wanna say "screwed up" bc despite any gripes I have I love almost every character, but I think Lilith got shafted esp with how prevalent she was at the beginning of S2 before leaving. I know why storylines had to be dropped but I think Lilith suffered a lot more from it than others

15. Favorite friendship:

Gus & Hunter, I had no idea what to expect going into LR and I adore every moment of it & everything that's come since

16. Character I most identify with:

Amity & Eda are both extremely relatable

17. Character I wish I could be:

Eda hands down I wish I was that trash milf criminal

--

Lilith

1. How I feel about this character:

I'm an outlier in that I always loved Lilith, even after S1 first ended and so much of the fandom hated her (for good reason tho). Her friendship with Hooty means so much to me and was so funny to see start

2. Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character:

N/A aroace queen

3. My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character:

The tragedy of her relationship with Eda is just. Ah. It kills. Lifelong damage that she can't ever take back from a moment of weakness caused by the world Belos made, but she was able to lessen the load of it and through that finally starts to really understand & sympathize with her sister and work to rebuild their relationship after decades

4. My unpopular opinion about this character:

I don't think it was bad writing that Luz so easily forgave Lilith at the start of S2, that fits Luz's character so much to think of transgressions against herself so lightly and focus more on the ones against Eda -- but since Eda also easily forgave Lilith bc that also fits her character so much, Luz would follow Eda's lead there. That said I'm gonna write a fic about the hard apology Lilith gave Luz offscreen

5. One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon:

Apologies to Luz, King, & Eda, the heart-to-heart with Gwen & Dell, the confrontation with Raine about cursing Eda

6. Favorite friendship for this character:

I think so much about how Lilith befriending Hooty is what made everyone else finally start treating Hooty with any respect or kindness

7. My crossover ship:

N/a aroace queen

[olivieraa]

I've a busy few days ahead but can't start anything for another 3 so I'm wasting time by doing this for my own curiosity cause why not

so my abridged run-through with my niece continues, and I have a few opinions on the abridged series this time around

but before the opinions, I wanna figure out the timeline (not highly in depth, but partially, bc it'll still be a long post even without me going into depth).

2007-2008 - is when I believe the show started.

the channel itself was made in 2007, but ep 1 doesn't have its original date under it as it is a reupload. the reason I know is bc ep 31 says 2008, but eps 1-30 say 2009 which is obviously wrong. I do remember Konami or something kept getting LK's videos flagged.

oh and these eps during this time were uploaded weekly.

I think, and its not definite, that I may have started watching the show around the time when these eps came out:

2010 - is when I personally got into the show. there's a CHANCE it was 2009, but I'm going with 2010 for simplicity's sake.

my life during 2010. I was just finishing up school and was about to move to our 6th house. I'd just turned 18 as well. I remember joking about the abridged in school with some friends. in fact, I skipped school a lot and chilled in a friend or two's house while we watched it, and then referenced it a lot. when I turned 18, I went to my first nightclub that night and on the dance floor, Bad Romance by Gaga came on and instead of singing "love love love I want your love" I sang "tush tush tush right on my tush" bc I'd honestly forgotten what the real lyrics were. I was even poking my friends ass. she liked my lyrics better (she had no idea what it was from tho lol). but yes 2 days later I moved away and began my first of my four years of isolation. the abridged itself, anime in general, online friends and tumblr became the winning combo for the following 3-4 years of my life, from 2010 (when I moved away) to 2014.

so I was online a lot for those years. I lived in nowhere land. imagine your house smack dab in this with one neighbour, as an 18 year old

so yes, I was online a lot. I had time to be. I had time for anime.

still 2010 - the first time I can see a big gap are these eps from 2010 during the Noah arc (aka season 3 of both ygo and ygo abridged). 48 being ep 1 of the Noah arc

48 - Aug 2010

49 - Sep 2010

50 - Nov 2010

51 - Apr 2011

so the first couple of Noah's arc eps were monthly, like usual. like how I always knew then. and then there was a bit of a jump 4 eps into Noah's arc at ep 51. but here's the thing... LK filled up a lot of space around this time with side videos. from song parodies, to the evil council of doom, to con promo vids, to just fun extras. majority of which I forgot about until right now

I esp forgot about these, they defo need a rewatch

but I'll wait till my niece is back over cause she'll definitely love that first one.

2011 - I met LK twice at two different cons during when those above Noah arc eps would've been coming out at that new slower pace, so I know he was at peak busy that specific year and the episodes were hotly anticipated at the time. so he really was doing his best. uploading not monthly anymore but still releasing fun vids in between, AND going to cons. plus like, his own personal life and issues to deal with. so it was all still steady going.

online wise for me after I'd moved, I was frequenting youtube the most to talk to people (and fanfiction for alone time lol). but mid or late 2011, I joined tumblr the same time as those youtube friends, so we chatted on here the most and youtube got lost in the abyss. and so during 2011, during my new tumblr time, ep 52 and 53 came out. and yeah, ygo was what my online friends and I found the most common ground in and that included the abridged series. the ygo fandom was growing on tumblr because of the abridged.

so ep 53 was in July 2011 but then a big gap happened and episode 54 was FEB 2012

2012 - I met rp!Florence the exact next day, Feb 8th, so I'm thinking the release of this ep (LK's first ep in after a 7 month gap) inspired the decision behind making Flo? idk.

(so I now know, thanks to making this post, that when I was online in 2012 rping and shit, the Noah's arc was near ending. but also, it had completely stopped its monthly drop at this point, which I remember was annoying, y'know, rping with an abridged character who had to take more from canon!ygo than abridged!ygo bc there was so little to go on. the pro side of that tho, is that you'd get really excited when an ep did appear. more so than before. tumblr pm went like this

so that above ep (54, Feb 7th) up to episode 58 were all done in 2012. almost like an ep was dropped per weather season. and I remember this one so well because

I got a tonne of anon messages calling my Joey 'Susan' :')

so it went from weekly, to monthly, and then as of 2012, once every 4 months.

2013 comes along - and... the first episode of that year is in JULY, and the second and only other one in 2013 was September. again, this was during my constantly online rp time. so when they did drop, it really was like

2013 had just two eps. that's it.

aaaaand... it's kind of been that way ever since. so I was right in thinking it was 2013 when the eps slowed down and became the official beginning of the rarely out eps. the past 10 years now LK will release just one or two eps a year. no side videos either, no con promos (idk if he goes to cons but he defo doesn't promo them), he did a bunch of Marik Plays Bloodlines but then stopped that and it hasn't been updated in 7 years. and he officially moved onto talking about wrestling and reviewing YGO GX.

and so here's how I feel.

first of all, the Noah's arc was out way earlier than I thought it was. I know it was still going in 2012, but I thought it started in 2012, when in actuality, it was going for 2 years, since 2010. during the time I was in school! I was shocked learning that. I also consider Noah's arc to be the worst arc, but I didn't think that while watching it back in the day, just upon rewatch

watching the show now in my 30's and passing it onto my niece (she's prob too young for it but she does love the kid friendly jokes, also she thinks I'm like Kaiba and she's Mokuba) it has a heavy nostalgic feel to it ofc. like I said, it was around during very specific times in my life, when it needed to be basically, and during the past 10 years, it became the "oh hey, a new ep just dropped on youtube" show that you don't think about UNTIL an ep drops. you're not waiting for it. it just appears. and when it does you're like :))) and you pick up from where you left off bc its easy enough to do without looking back on past eps bc its... well its a parody. there's no solid "plot"

to "review" it in a sense.... ok. in 2012... I was just happy to have an episode bc like I said, they weren't monthly anymore. and there was always something funny about them. whether it was one joke or four jokes. however, I didn't notice it then, but the quality dropped significantly (but luckily picked up by the end of 2012 and did eventually get better)

so where the bad starts imo... if you watch this episode (the last episode RIGHT before the Noah's arc, an early 2010 ep), its full of classic moments

its highly quotable and its memorable. this could be due to LK's favouritism towards Marik so he puts his best jokes onto Marik like "use the celtic guardian aibouuu" to "a rhetorical WANKER" to "you tell 'em, honey!" and then the Stand By Me singing. its a v good, memorable ep.

ep 47, the first ep of Noah arc, follows it and it... just goes downhill. all of Noah's arc is quite bad, and the main problem I found while rewatching, was that the jokes were draaaaagged out. the penguin thing, the stairs thing, Tristan being a "funny guy", and lots more. it was annoying. and the additional voice actors weren't good either, with the exception of two of them sounding almost exactly like the dub voices, so I'll give them credit for that

now like I said, LK was at his busiest in 2011 (which would have been exclusively Noah's arc eps which are the worst eps), and it was straight after Noah's arc that he uploaded less frequently. and he was diagnosed with depression which probably affected him during this whole arc and so he basically knew, to give out the quality people wanted, he had to resort to taking more time for himself and uploading less. and for his health it was obviously the best decision, but even for his channel it was too.

so to repeat - end of 2012 saw the end of Noah's arc and I remember this ep dropping and everyone quoting it

and also this one like I already said

they still weren't LK's best but they were better. and the abridged was important to me in 2012 eps considering I had an abridged partner, so we were always happy to get new content.

this 2013 ep to me was the return of classic abridged

it was so good that my friend at the time changed her username to one of the quotes from the ep. and why was it so good? bc there was a 7 month gap between this ep and the last, and like I said, uploading less frequently ended up working wonders for LK. he had time to plan it well.

2014 - end of season 3 (noahs arc and battle city combine. just 3 eps that year

2015-2018 - season 4

2019&2020 - nothing

2021-2025 - season 5, ongoing.

so anyone that has seen the original YGO knows season 5 has two parts. the grand champion ship part that nobody likes (14 eps), and the Egyptian arc which finally gives Bakura the spotlight (26 eps).

he is currently still in that first part, and has prob 3 more eps left of it.

so yes, he uploaded nothing in all of 2019 and 2020, which I honestly would've thought during the pandemic it would be the change he'd needed to be able to upload more frequently. but nope, it was all this instead

he only returned then in 2021 and so far has released just 4 eps from 2021 to 2024.

that Joey one being only a couple of months ago.

so its for sure at a super slow once a year pace.

ngl, I am curious about his mindset, but this stems from my own ignorance, and I'm sure with a bit of research (and profile stalking) I could probably figure out why its so rare. but I don't care that much despite this post. like I can say - why doesn't he upload a slight bit faster (nobody is out here waiting for an ep a month, but at least 3 eps a year?). or I can think - does he still think fans from 15 years ago are gonna stick with him to the end? does he think his fans are that die hard?

but again, being ignorant - idk how youtube works. idk how creators get paid. idk if he gets paid for the eps. idk if he gets paid more (or only) for non eps (and so therefore abd eps are the last things he wants to do bc no pay). idk if this is his job or he has a day job. idk what his current health status is. idk if he's still doing the eps just to finish the show or bc he actually likes doing it. idk how he views the fact that majority of old fans are prob not around anymore. idk if he's actually online all the time, just not on youtube.

I don't know.

I quickly checked just there and he's still frequenting twitter

but also

what

there's drama in the abridged world????

I'm.................. so out of touch.

how active is the abridged fandom even. are they all gen z. are they all offended by the old jokes, I assume so tbh

I'm bewildered, don't care enough, but still curious

for another day I think........

BUT ANYWAYS. yeah, I just needed to waste time. this show was special to me at one point. never thought I'd be watching it with my 7 year old niece. she's addicted. she can't wait till bed time. this is her bed time story. Joey is her fave, so she was raised right. ...even if that's a different type of Joey it still applies.

I... think I'll be watching this show up until it ends. I'm not really a social media person. Im not subbed to many on youtube. but I never unsubbed LK so I see the eps drop randomly sometimes a year. and in another 10 years (I mean at this pace, probably) I'll most likely still be watching it. I'm generally smiling the whole time anyways

[humanoidtyphoons]

trigun omnibus vol 2:

-oh no kidding, vash is much more angry in the manga. like his rage towards knives is just. jeez, you have to take a minute to let sink in how much he hates knives! (despite everything, in 98 & tristamp, i don't think vash hates knives, he's disappointed and afraid but also... doesn't know what to do with him either when they meet, so he runs, and kinda hopes the meeting never comes, imo?) 98!vash is... to me, he's primarily true self is sad, and he's a lil glass eyed and cheery; i'm not quite decided on tristamp!vash, tbh. but vash -- no, i think monev is right in the manga: the real vash is angry beyond belief -- he's looking for knives to kill him bc he killed rem but simultaneously doesn't know where he is since july, those 20 years ago. but i also really like how he tries to use his image of rem as a morality point, when he despairs, when he is about to kill, he relies on her image to hold himself back.

-oh so knives does have a mole under his eye in the manga! i couldn't really see it in vol 1, but vol 2? def. visible!!!! long haired knives is a look, ngl!!

-wolfwood, wolfwood, wolfwood! my darling boy!!!! okay so one of my favourite things about characters is that -- they make a nice likeable impression, and then a lil bit later, that character turns up again and it's like oh shit, they're more integral to the plot than i thought!! they're potentially more sinister than i first assumed! i'm in trouble! an excellent example of that is meeting blackbeard for the first time in one piece, bc you don't know his name until the end of his first appearance and then he reveals it and then oh shit, yk??? and so him and vash meeting on the bus, vash spotting him in the desert, and wolfwood mentioning his motorbike, and then they just... vibe, it's... sweet, yk? that vash begins the chapter by saying 'i can see the true heart of people, what they're like', and then wolfwood says 'finally, a real smile on your face... the other one is so forced it's heartbreaking', and. just. ugh. ugh. ugh.

-anyway then, when they split ways, and wolfwood goes to the church, and meets legato, where he's called chapel... i just love it. their pathways happened to have crossed, bc they were going the same direction, not knowing (i think) that they were destined to be against each other.

-the whole knives vs vash fight. it's so different to the 98 anime, where i think legato causes it to happen, and wolfwood is outside augusta, and arrives too late, and kills raidei. but in the manga? something about all of the remaining gung ho guns watching in the shadows like observers, and wolfwood is just. freaking out. bc vash shot the moon. it's so good. it's SO good. and god!!!!! i need a third anime that's more faithful bc it's cinematic to me.

-the angelic imagery. the feathers. it's so... it's breathtaking and i'm so glad it continues in trimax bc the body horror of it all... it's gorgeous.

-something soooo interesting about pairing monev the gale fight vs vash, with flashbacks of bb vash&knives, even tho knives is unseen, he's there. i think maybe 98 did better by removing the flashback and giving its own separate episode after augusta gets destroyed tbh, but then. it's so intriguing to juxtapose them here, bc monev is the first one to go after vash, tho legato gives a 'friendly' heads' up, and it's just. mm, no wonder vash is furious.

-fuck, the two years later thing happens here in the manga. ooh tristar, i am excited!!! eriks eriks eriks!!!

-ngl i kinda dig milly/vash a smidge more in the manga? like her perception... while not always 100%, i do like that she's the one who is always a bit. aware of the changes in vash's expressions, she notices, so he has to put his glasses on so he becomes harder to read.

-it's so interesting that vash doesn't have much of a relationship/friendship with milly and meryl in the manga. like i love 98 for meryl (esp.) coming to terms with vash, and from being kinda annoyed by him, to slowly caring and worrying about him. and while you do have that in the manga, it's not... quite as gradual? meryl is shocked that vash actually calls them by their names for the first time, and it's been like 14 chapters since they met, and vash is about to fight monev. but it also feels harder to call them friends? bc the pacing is kinda choppy and frenetic, whereas 98 got to meander for a bit before things felt serious and vash wanted to cut ties with them much later.

-pilot chapter is so cute! vash you freaking weirdo dancing into a ransom situation!!! you're so cute!!! you're so cute!!! vash doing his morning routine and going by a different name is also v. cute, and i like how the anime included them.

-knives hitting legato and saying who said you could kill vash? while i don't think it's as... extreme? as the tristamp version, i do dig his possessiveness. but there's a monstrousness in tristamp knives love that i adore, his selfish fierce protection of vash, that he wants to kill humanity to that extent, to keep vash safe, to not let tesla repeat ever again, regardless if that's what vash wants. (it isn't what vash wants at all.) it's not quite that in trimax, tbh, but it's still. still compels me.

okay curious to know where the true divergence happens, bc trimax must have started already, bc the 98 anime continues to include aspects of it, and makes it its own, even tho there's a lot that changes too.

-tbh... i still think vash masks less in the manga than the anime? i think it's easier for 98 vash to mask, bc there's a lot of filler episodes so he can have that front more evident when comparing to later episodes, so he gets to be more silly thanks to the situations made up for him, but i also think the vocal performance helps immensely, bc of how his voice changes based on the situation. like he's still does mask in the manga, dgmw, bc meryl and milly see his scarred torso, and are shocked at the sight, the price he has to pay, bc of his ideals, whereas he often acts as if... he's fine, his injuries don't affect him. (but they do. they don't regenerate. i thought maybe he might heal faster, but he's never getting his arm back, he's never going to be unscarred either i don't think, but maybe he recovers fasher than a normal human being would.)

anyway, onto trimax vol 1!