#i do talk to myself. very frequently apparently

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

I wanted to post my year in review but Tumblr said no 😔

Recap for my own posterity:

3,158 posts in 2022 (wtf)

1,242 posts that I created (39%) (jfc)

1,916 reblogged (61%)

2,051 tagged posts (that's not bad actually, I thought that'd be worse. I'm terrible about tagging)

Top tags are... not hard to predict lmao. DC, the Flash, DC comics, Wally West, Bart Allen, ect

Longest tag was just all hearts for some reason. I swear I've done longer...

And blogs I reblogged from the most:

1) EMBARRASSINGLY.... Myself. LMAO. I swear I'm not a narcissist I just have ADHD and I like to add things I think of later 😭 also sometimes it's funny

2) @thebartallenblog

3) @catgirldawn

4) @upagainstthesunset

5) @soft-spot-for-speedsters

^ and none of that surprises me even slightly. Fantastic people, great blogs, stellar content.

Uh and I'm not gonna link my top posts because I am on mobile but that's 2022 babey~

[birdiewriteslit]

omg omg i would LOVVVEEE if like [reader] and luke were dating behind percy’s back cuz of how sassy he would be n stuff but after like a date or kiss from luke the reader would gush about it to either annabeth, grover, or clarisse and one of them tells percy by accident during a convo and then percy like goes up to reader and confronts the reader about it and like scolds the reader and give them a whole lecture about how luke isn’t the right guy then luke overhears and like joins in <333

i love this idea!!

luke castellan x daughter of poseidon!reader

warnings: persassy (once again), fluff, mention of kissing, ignorance of the plot of the show for the sake of my happiness

nobody: me gaslighting myself into thinking i could fix luke:

You and your boyfriend had an agreement. Your relationship was private. It wasn’t necessarily a secret, but it was private.

This was a conclusion you came to before Percy arrived at camp, before you knew you had a brother. At first, you didn’t care much if he figured it out.

That was until you realized what a sassafras he was.

Percy was always sassing you about chores, about activities, and especially about camp boys.

You thought it was cute in the beginning, your little brother being protective over you, but then it became a real nuisance.

“Y/n, stay away from the Ares boys, I don’t like them.”

“Y/n, don’t date an Apollo guy, he’d write you some crappy poetry.”

“Y/n, for the love of gods, stay away from the Dionysus twins, I never want to have Mr. D as a relative.”

These were the types of things you would hear throughout the day as Percy got to know the other campers better.

You thought it better if you kept a low profile when you were around Luke, at least until Percy calmed down a little.

Most of the older campers knew about your relationship, but they were used to it and rarely talked about it.

“Having marriage problems?” Annabeth asked you one day during arts and crafts, where you were both about to give up on your ugly collaborative birdhouse.

“What? I’m not married,” you said, trying to fix a particularly garish looking bird.

She set her paintbrush down, officially proving she was over it. “Obviously. I mean Luke. I noticed you haven’t been around each other as much.”

You could tell she was a little worried. She wouldn’t be asking if she wasn’t. Annabeth had known you and Luke longer than any other campers, and she looked up to both of you. Plus, she always wanted to know about your experience with romance.

“It’s not what you think, Annabeth. We’re really fine,” you said. “In fact, just last night, he took me out on the dock.”

Your nightly meetups with Luke had always been a thing, but had become more frequent as of late.

“And?” Annabeth prompted.

“And, we hung out.” You were now furiously painting over the entire bird you failed to fix.

“You mean you made out,” she said, giving you a knowing look.

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t think you were interested in that part,” you said. “Now pick up that paintbrush, missy. I’m not doing this whole thing myself.”

Annabeth reluctantly dipped the brush in some blue paint, looking like she wanted more details about your date.

Private means private, you thought dismissively.

At campfire, you discovered that private didn’t mean private. You were sitting alone when Percy plopped down next to you. You frowned because you were saving that spot for Luke.

“Annabeth has just told me something very interesting,” he said, glaring at the spot where Luke stood, talking to one of his brothers.

“What would that be, Perce?” you said absentmindedly.

“Apparently Luke was macking on you last night.” He made a sound to imitate vomiting.

You grimaced. “Please never say that word again.”

“So? Is it true or not true?”

You sighed. No point in denying it now. “It’s true.”

Percy somehow managed to look even more disgusted. “Ew, why him?”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, gee, I don’t know, maybe because I’ve known him for years, he’s kind, strong, and handsome. Wouldn’t you think that had something to do with it?”

“Oh, gods, forget I even asked,” Percy said, retching. “I just think you could do better. Look at all of these lovely candidates. Apollo guys are poets.”

“I thought that was too cringe for you.”

He ignored you and went on, “A Hephaestus guy could forge you some nice jewelry, and Athena guys are smart. You deserve a smart guy. Not Luke, no, he doesn’t have any good qualities like that.”

You noticed a figure approaching you over Percy’s shoulder, and you tried your best to hide the amused smile threatening to break across your face as Luke came to a stop behind him, waiting for the right moment to interrupt.

“All in all, Y/n, I think Luke’s a pretty bad guy for you. You should really reconsider.”

“Oh, I’m a bad guy, am I?” Luke finally spoke up, smirking as Percy slowly turned around to see him peering down at him.

“Not like a bad guy- just, you know, not right for my sister,” Percy said, his confidence leaving him.

“What makes me not right for her?” Luke asked, clearly loving the reaction he was getting.

“I- uh- you know,” Percy stammered.

“Oh, knock it off, Luke. Leave the poor kid alone,” you said, failing to hide your laughter.

“That sound is music to my ears,” Luke said seriously. Jeez, he was really laying it on thick.

Percy’s face returned to the look of disgust. “I’ll be leaving now,” he excused himself, hurrying off to where Grover and Annabeth were sitting on the other side of the fire. You could still see him glaring at Luke as he sat down next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

You leaned into him, relishing in the combined warmth of the fire and his body heat. “What do you think? Am I getting sassed out tomorrow?” Luke asked, looking down at you.

“No, he looked pretty grossed out. I’m hoping he just avoids the topic altogether,” you said, trailing your fingers over the fabric of his shirt.

“We both know that’s not going to happen,” he concluded, smiling as he pressed a soft kiss to your temple.

[demilypyro]

Okay so I know this is random as fuck but I somewhat relate to the leg issues thing you were posting my knees don't stay in place and I have at least weekly dislocations and need crutches pretty frequently so it's kinda cool seeing someone openly talk about leg issues without it being seen as like a negative thing

I used to be more private about my leg problems, but eventually it's just an aspect of your life. It's not nearly as apparent to other people as it would be if I used a wheelchair or a cane, but the fact is it does affect how I live my life every day. I have to take specific routes just so I can find places to sit down and rest regularly. I'm very glad I have my own shower now. I was able to buy a shower stool so I don't have to stand while I wash myself. That was a big source of pain for me over the years. I don't know if I feel comfortable calling myself "disabled" but I do have a disability so speaking literally the term probably applies.

[imaginesheaven]

Bar owner!Reader x TF 141

Friendship headcanons

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of injuries, a bit of angst?

This literally turned almost into an Oneshot *haha* I couldn’t help myself ;D Enjoy~

Your bar “Tango Down” is known by almost every soldier and police officer. It is the ultimate spot to meet for drinks after a hard work day or mission. Since your bar has a very good reputation you are also known and well respected.

Of course, the Task Force 141 visits frequently when they are not away for a mission. “Hey, (Y/N)”, Price greets as he enters the bar firstly. To hear his voice once again brings a big smile on your lips, “Look who’s still alive! The usual, boys?” They give you all nods as they take their places on their usual table.

Years ago, when you first opened your bar Price was one of the first customers you had. Still to this day he is your favorite and most frequent one. After the Task Force 141 was built he brought them to this place, where you all grew extremely close with time. Even grumpy Ghost has a soft spot for you.

“Good to see you all. How you are doing?”, you put the drinks down on the table. A flash of fur whizzes between your legs right into the loving arms of Soap. “Bloody Jesus, Cougar! I wish this freaking dog would love me as much as he loves Soap”, you roll your eyes playfully annoyed as the soldiers cuddles your “scary” Belgian Malinois named Cougar.

“Sometimes I believe you are only here for Cougar”, Soap shrugs his shoulders grinning like he isn’t even sorry for stealing your dog away every single time he steps into the bar. “We brought you a present”, Gaz can’t contain his pure joy as he holds out the bottle of Whiskey. “Thank you so much! That goes directly into our cabinet for special events!”

Price started this tradition years ago when he started to visit your bar regularly. Every time he came back from a mission you got another expensive and exotic bottle of alcohol like Whiskey or Wine. John was and is still incredibly grateful to have you at his side after hard missions talking to him, pouring drinks and keeping his mind occupied with happy thoughts. The Task Force 141 keeps this tradition still going. Here and there when there is a reason to celebrate you pop open one of the bottles with them.

“Don’t worry, love, at least Ghost, Gaz and I are here for you”, Price puts his hand on your shoulder smirking as you take a seat with them. Soap is way too distracted to follow the conversation at all. He keeps playing with Cougar. The two of them have an own tradition. Soap gets Cougar after every mission a new toy to play with him.

It’s usually very calm and quiet in the bar due to the high number of soldiers and police officers. They can keep everything in order for you if you need it, but you are actually able to sort it out on your own. Just like this evening…

“What is going on here, Kick?”, you ask your bartender. He rolls his eyes annoyed, “Just a round of men making trouble. They keep talking trash about the soldiers.” You let out a whistle to call Cougar to you, “We take care of it.”

“Guys, your time is over here. I don’t tolerate little boys talking bullshit about real men”, you stand your ground against the five men. They might be taller than you, but it doesn’t intimidate you at all. They start to laugh, “How about no? What will you do?” Apparently, the leader of this little gang takes out a handgun from the back of his jeans.

Without flinching you grab his hand aiming the gun at the ceiling punching with the other against his throat. That leaves him choking for a few moments as you take the gun apart leaving it useless at the table. The guy doesn’t have enough yet trying to grab you. Quite painful you twist his arm as you push his face against the surface of the table. “Leave. Now”, as you let go of the men they bolt out of the bar scared for their dear life.

For a second the silence is deafening in the bar until the Task Force 141 starts cheering. They others follow suit very fast, but you wave them off with a red dust on your cheeks, “Stop it, please.” You store the gun behind the counter, “Drinks on me for everyone … BUT ONLY IF YOU STOP CHEERING!” Within a second everything is back to normal.

“Stop messing with my jukebox, Soap”, you have your back to the machine as you prepare the drinks, but you are sure he is already on his way to turn on a certain song. Soap loves messing with you and getting on your nerves playing one song over and over again until you lose your bloody mind.  

He looks at you with his puppy eyes, “Come on! It’s my absolute favorite song!” Smirking you roll your eyes and make your way towards the table with new drinks. “What did we just witness? You absolutely wrecked this guy”, Gaz stares at you in disbelief. “You were in military, right?”, Ghost recognizes a soldier when he sees one and you were for sure one. You let out a sigh, “Yeah, Special Forces for a few years.” Price raises his eyebrows surprised. “Don’t you dare to take a look at my file, John. That’s the past”, you wink at him grinning. Sometimes you could read him like an open book.

“Enjoy your drinks, boys!” The team shares a brief glance. Every time they are at your bar they learn something incredible new about you. It is like you are a never-ending pit of surprises. It makes them wonder what person you have been in the past. Especially John Price. He might have a look into your file nevertheless.

The night comes to an end. You keep sorting out the rest of the bar alone as the light goes out suddenly. The little hairs on your neck start to stand up and your senses tingle to warn you from the oncoming danger. Upstairs where you live above the bar you can hear Cougar barking. You already brought him up so he can rest. Now you realize your mistake. He would have protected you.

A hand grabs your neck from behind as the first punch lands. The fist collides with your stomach and the pain leaves you breathless. You can’t see their faces in the dark but you are more than sure that these are the troublemakers from earlier. They keep beating you. The pain is just overwhelming until the darkness takes over.

Captain Price enters the bar followed by his team. To his displeasure you are not behind the counter to greet them with your usual bright smile. “Kick, where is (Y/N)?”, Soap asks the bartender. They all feel that something is very off and they don’t like it at all. Even Cougar can’t be seen anywhere.

“(Y/N) is upstairs. Recovering. I’m not sure about company, but I guess you can try”, Kick knows it would be useless to tell them you don’t want to see anyone. They are going to make sure you are okay and no one will stop them. Price makes his way upstairs followed by the others.

They can hear Cougar barking at them coming up the stairs. “It’s okay, Cougar, it’s just the boys”, you say calmly to the dog as you pet his soft fur. Cougar greets them happily when they come through the door. Of course, the dog makes his way towards Soap to beg for some scratches. After a few head rubs Cougar is satisfied and comes back to your side placing his head onto your leg. You have never seen the dog that clingy, but he is ready to protect you with all he has.

John seems cool, collected and focused on the outside, but on the inside he is raging. Just like the others. Your face shows the last remnants of the beating. A black eye, a bloody, split lip and so on. They don’t even want to imagine what bruises your clothes are hiding. “It’s okay. It looks probably worse than it actually is”, you try to downplay the truth, but all of them can see it in your eyes. These troublemakers broke you a little bit and no one was there to protect you.

Ghost takes a step forward and grabs your chin softly to take a closer look at your face, “This is absolutely not okay. They made it personal.” Without a further word he let go of you giving Price a short nod. They know what they have to do.

“Wait! Please be careful. All of you”, you grab Price’s sleeve to keep them from leaving. There is no chance you can stop them at all. You just want them to come back to you safe and sound. John gives you a reassuring smile, “Of course, love.”

With that they went away to deal with the problem. None of the men told you what they did to the troublemakers and you never asked. They would literally give their life to keep you safe. After that everything just went back to normal.

“Johnny! No!”, you try to pry the beer bottle out of Soap’s hands as he reaches over the counter. “You have to be faster than that, sweetheart!”, he celebrates his achievement and takes a gulp from the beer. “No jukebox for you for a whole week! It’s like I’m dealing with children!”, you give up laughing. Price shrugs his shoulders, “Now you know how I feel.” You lean against the counter watching the boys. Gaz and Soap try to out beat each other in darts, while Ghost gives Cougar some head scratches hidden beneath the table. No one should see what a softie he turns into around you and Cougar.

This is literally perfection for all of you.

   Bonus

“Isn’t that the owner of your favorite bar?”, Laswell hands Price the file after he bugged him for weeks, “Are you sure that’s right?” John shrugs with one shoulder not really interested in getting a lecture, “Yes, just making sure who’s serving me drinks. I’ll take that with me.” He leaves Laswell’s office with the file under his arm. John is going to take his sweet time to read through your past.

Laswell leans back in her chair dialing your number, “He got your file, (Y/N).” She almost can hear you grinning through the phone, “Almost everything is classified so John won’t learn much about me. He just could have asked, you know? Thanks for letting me know, Kate. Greet your wife!”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for sleeping with a 20 year old?

tw: mentions of potential grooming, age gap relationships, nsft/nsfw, vague discussions of sex

So, me (38m) and my wife (39f) are in an open relationship. Basically, we’re both bisexual and not quite ready to limit our sex lives to one person yet. So, we decided to allow friends with benefits situations outside of our relationship. No romantic stuff, no dating, just sex.

In January, my wife went to stay at her best friend’s (28f) house and have some fun together. I don’t mind at all, I was kind of glad to have our apartment to myself for a week. Now, there’s this queer bar that me and my wife frequent and it’s a good mix of all age demographics and identities.

There’s this one trans guy, I’ll call him M, that most people in the local community know because he’s very attractive. He reminds me of a very short Eric Draven mixed with Eddie Vedder. (Oddly specific, I know) Like, he has long-ish curly brown hair, big brown eyes, the sweetest smile ever and he dresses very well. A little grunge here, a little rockstar there. Good jewelry. You get it.

I always catch people staring at him when he’s at the bar with his friends. (We live in Europe btw, legal drinking age is 18.) In short, I find him very cute. He’s basically a micro celebrity among the community and he doesn’t even know it.

So, while my wife was away I went down to the bar and his friend group invited me to come sit with them. We started talking, he’s super funny and we began talking about Pearl Jam because of the shirt I was wearing. Found out he’s obsessed with the music scene of the 90s, specifically rock and grunge, and I happen to have a collection of merchandise of the big 4. I invited him to come check it out and he eagerly accepted. None of his friends wanted to come, so it was just us two. Showed him the stuff, he got super excited about it and I even let him keep one of my Soundgarden shirts and some CDs.

I offered to cook dinner, we ate and then had some weed brownies for dessert. We got posted on the couch, talked for a good while and he began confiding in me. I’m not gonna go into detail because that’s shitty, but he basically told me he’d never had a positive sexual experience up to that point. Apparently all of his exes were switches leaning submissive and he’s purely submissive, so things never really worked out and he never finished with any of them.

I told him about me and my wife’s arrangements and some other stuff about our sex life. (Don’t worry, my wife is 100% okay with this. Even in this context.)

Here’s where I might be the asshole, if not the creep:

Now, I was pretty high at that point and I joked about how I could give him a positive experience. To my surprise, he actually eagerly accepted. I was a bit hesitant because we were both buzzed, but he kept reiterating that he’s consenting and that he’s sure he wants this. So, I made sure he had a good night and he actually ended up sleeping over and we cuddled. It was super nice and he seemed genuinely ecstatic about it the next morning, it was adorable. I was honestly just happy that I was able to give him a positive sexual encounter.

We exchanged numbers, kept texting for two days and he ended up coming over again. Had some more fun together and he went to go sleep over at a friend’s place. At that point, I sort of realized that I may be catching feelings for him. Which is against me and my wife’s rules and also just a horrible idea, especially considering the age gap. So, I let him know that I need some distance and he was super understanding. He was understandably a bit disappointed but didn’t complain or anything.

Once my wife came back, I told her about everything. This is just a thing we do because it helps avoid speculation and unnecessary jealousy. We always tell each other about what happens with our other sexual partners, but only if they consent to it. Which most of them do because they’re our friends. She seemed a bit unnerved by it, not because of the fact that I had feelings for him, but because of the age difference. She said it’s weird and predatory and told me she needed some time to think.

Apparently, she went to go check in on M and asked him if I pressured him into anything. He said it was a 100% mutual thing and he’s very much into older guys, so he enjoyed it quite a lot.

This put her mind at ease but I’m still quite shaken by it. I never stopped to consider the fact that the age difference is quite concerning. I can’t help but feel like a nasty creep that bribed some poor 20 year with old band shirts to come sleep with him. I don’t like that I didn’t even think about it. Talking with M came so easy and we share a lot of interests. I’m not about to go and say he’s 'mature for his age' because he isn’t, he acts like any other 20 year old.

I was just so focused on how attractive and interesting he is to me, I fear I might’ve acted extremely selfish and should’ve stopped to take his lack of experience and his naivety into account. Of course he’d sleep with me, he’s 20 and doesn’t know any better. It should’ve been my job, as the older adult, to put a stop to it. Please don’t hesitate to give it to me straight.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[coraniaid]

I'm pretty critical of Buffy's final season (because ... well, I've watched it), but there are some things I think it does well and, since I'm trying to talk myself into working on my S7 AU fic again, I thought it might be worth trying to write down what they are.

I like the sense of completeness there is in going back to some of the show's beginnings. I like seeing Buffy in school again, but this time as an adult with a job. It doesn't just let us re-examine the high school years from a new perspective, it gives Buffy's arc over the last few seasons a nice sense of direction. I like what little we see of Dawn in high school. (I wish there were more episodes like Help.) In principle, I even like the fact that this season's Big Bad is a supernatural threat we've seen on the show before.

While I think there are a lot of problems with the execution (and even with the wider concept) of making the First Evil the primary (frequently the only) antagonist, the First being around does give you a lot of possibilities for having characters literally come face to face with their pasts. I like the final scene of Lessons and I like Conversations With Dead People and I like seeing the Mayor on screen again. I wish the show had done more with this concept.

I like meeting new (Potential) Slayers and finding out more about past Slayers. I like Robin Wood. I like Kennedy. (I wish the show did a better job making the audience care about any of the other Potentials.) I like that Faith comes back. I like that there is a focus on what it means to be a Slayer this season (compare how the show opens, with Buffy taking Dawn on patrol and telling her "it's about power..." [which Dawn doesn't have], to the scene in Chosen where Buffy asks the Potentials "what if you could have that power?").

I also (sorry) really like the fact that the writers resisted the urge to make Dawn a Potential or have her suddenly develop any magical powers as a result of being the Key (which there are at least rumours they were talking about doing). I like that the show stuck with the idea that Dawn is the part of Buffy who gets to be an ordinary girl.

For all its flaws (silly CGI battle against monsters I don't care about which is resolved by a random mcguffin from a different show; weird retcon about Sunnydale apparently being inland; a bunch of other unfortunate writing choices I won't get into here) I really do like Chosen a lot. It feels very fitting that the show ends with Buffy both finally getting to leave Sunnydale and with her no longer having to shoulde the burden of being "the" Slayer (or one of only two Slayers, anyway) anymore. I love how open-ended and hopeful that manages to be.

And speaking of Chosen, I like Buffy's "cookie dough" speech. I like the fact that the show lets Buffy end the series single, and recognizing that she doesn't have to be in a serious romantic relationship if she doesn't feel she's ready for one right now. (I like post-S7 Fuffy as a concept a lot, sure, but I think I prefer it as something that neither of them rushes into.)

I like that Amy comes back? I mean, I don't like anything the season does with her, but still: points for remembering she exists, I guess.

I like the fact that Willow gets to grieve Tara but also move on with her life and start dating again. [I don't know if I would have killed Tara off if I was writing S6 -- I think probably not -- but given that Tara did die I think this is the only good option.]

Empty Places is a good .... name for an episode?

For all my (many, many) issues with Andrew Wells this season (and in particular with just how much Andrew Wells is in this season, which is ... a lot), I think Storyteller is ... pretty good? I liked Jonathan, I think it's sad he dies (and his speech about missing high school now that he's left is another good moment from this season) but I wouldn't really have wanted to have him turn up and help save the day either. Having Andrew kill him (and then have to face up to the fact) feels like the right choice, to me, if you were going to bring either character back [I'm not really sure I would have done that though, to be honest].

Equally, for all my irritation at the time wasted on the "is Giles the First Evil?" subplot and at some of the other character deaths the writers did go for, I'm glad that the Core Four all survive. What the season actually does with Giles isn't very good, and neither Xander nor Willow are in this season enough (especially not in its second half), but at least they all get to live.

Oh, and Anya. I'm glad the writers didn't give in to the temptation to kill off Anya for some sort of cheap shock value, the way some leaked early drafts of Chosen suggest they were thinking of doing. Can you imagine how infuriating that would have been? I don't know if I would ever have accepted it. I might even now be living in denial. Thankfully common sense prevailed there and Anya definitely survived.

[offtorivendell]

On Elain, Gwyn and their apparent romantic worthiness.

TW: mentions of death, violent or sexual assault, infertility and pregnancy/childbirth related trauma. Please do not proceed if these topics bother you.

Disclaimer: please, please engage with this post with kindness. I promise I am not writing it to stir the pot, but because I - and many others - are fed up with seeing hurtful and harmful rhetoric spewed by the fandom, yet having no back up when dealing with it. Word vomit incoming, I'm sorry. This has been bothering me for a while.

My love to everyone who has been hurt by things they've read in this fandom. 💜

It's 2024 and I cannot believe we are still seeing posts, almost daily, about both of these women; all giving reasons why they cannot possibly be with Azriel. And I don't mean the debatable but utterly harmless discussions about Elain not looking good in black or Gwyn blabbing to Merrill when asked not to. Whatever, go nuts. I mean the truly horrific takes based around things these two women have had no control.

Now, my post history makes it very obvious where I stand in terms of ships, and yes, I'm well aware I've spoken before about the inherent power imbalance - that I perceive - which would exist if Azriel ever became involved with any of the priestesses in the women's shelter he is charged with protecting (to be clear, that's not me suggesting that Gwyn and her story isn't powerful, or powerful representation to those who see themselves in her, nor is it personal to Gwyn, or indicative of any of the sheltered priestesses and their ability to heal; it's purely a function of Azriel's position of authority over their sanctuary). I want to reiterate that my stating my feelings about this was never done with the intent to shame people who do ship them; we all ship who we like, and real world ethics should rarely come into it.

That being said, the following, in my opinion, is one of those times.

Firstly, I just want to say that lived experience informs how we interpret fiction, so please let me clarify something: the people who have said that they don't think Gwyn is ready for a relationship yet, and that NSFW fan art of her with anyone makes them uncomfortable, are not in any way in the wrong. They're simply the other side of the coin to those who find it empowering, and both are valid responses, often related to personal trauma. The problem lies with those very few who say that Gwyn could never have a romantic relationship, and call those who talk and/or post about it "gross." Some have called her "damaged goods." This is absolutely wrong and whoever is doing it needs to stop.

The entire fandom, even those who find romantic or NSFW content involving Gwyn uncomfortable to consume, frequently acknowledges that her trauma doesn't define her, and of course she should be able to enjoy love whenever she feels ready for it. Those who say otherwise are readily condemned from all corners. I've seen it happen and called the people out myself, as have many other Elriel shippers when necessary. However, Elriels are still very regularly and very publicly blamed for the actions of a few (some of whom I truly believe are burner accounts wanting to cause chaos, with their Elriel themed usernames and no post history), despite our largely collective action to call them out when we see it.

Could we do better? Absolutely, but so can you!

Because, on the other hand, I've noticed that, whenever I or others have tried to explain why the pliable bones "theory" - which attempts to reason that Elain could never be endgame with Azriel, as she and any baby would die during the course of pregnancy or childbirth - is equally as harmful, we are met with people publicly and wholeheartedly refusing to understand why (especially recently). Some horrific comments have been made to my friends, not to mention all of those I see well after the fact, which are never widely condemned by any but us. People will argue back that we're wrong, and have even suggested we're weaponising infertility! On Mothers' Day, of all the fucking painful days to say that.

Some of the push back I've seen recently includes:

"Nobody has said Elain is infertile."

No, nobody has, and that's not what we're saying or have ever said. We know you don't think this, as the Elucien fandom loves to write and draw Elain and Lucien's hypothetical future children (which is super understandable, as this is a romantasy fandom after all - no shame, enjoy your warm fuzzies).

What we are saying is that, if it's true that Elain's anatomy wasn't changed as Feyre and Nesta's was - and to be clear I cannot stand that entire plot, I wish SJM had chosen literally any other reason why Feyre's pregnancy was dangerous, as it is simultaneously degrading and doesn't fit with her previously established lore - then Elain and Azriel, together^, would be functionally infertile. Yet it's only ever framed as Elain's body not being able to work with Azriel's, never the other way around.*

^Why didn't the bat boys have to sacrifice their wings to keep their wives/mates safe? Why did the women have to change their anatomy? Because it would make it harder for them to be all powerful? Well Nesta sacrificed her powers! Why not just have Feyre be cursed by an enemy or something, and Nesta found a way to use the Dread Trove to save them all. Ugh. I love SJM's books, but this was such a miss.

*HOSAB/HOFAS SPOILER: funnily enough, this was never said about Ruhn and his eventual mate, even though he actually did think he may be unable to father children, thanks to the Oracle's prophecy. People shipped the hell out of him and a couple of different women throughout the CC series, despite the chance he could never get them pregnant.

"People haven't called Elain damaged goods, so it's not the same. We're allowed to not like her."

My faerie porn* lover in christ, what the fuck do you think the pliable bones "theory" is actually doing? It is suggesting that Elain's hypothetical inability to survive having children with Azriel, and for those children to also survive childbirth, is impaired. Ergo, she's damaged.

We don't care if you don't like Elain, we're allowed to have different preferences in characters and ships. That has never been the problem.

*I use this term with affection as a great lover of the genre.

But "damaged" vs a functionally "impaired" uterus? It's the same damn thing, and sorry, it's misogynistic af, not to mention ableist and homophobic at a minimum. In the same breath you are also reducing your favourite to her apparently functional uterus (even though the pliable bones argument is medically inaccurate, by the way - this is really damning of the state of health education across so many countries).

"Hahaha/lol."

Yes, I have seen people laugh and treat this as a joke. As recently as tonight, in fact. It's disgusting.

Regardless of your lived experiences and shipping preferences, both of these takes about Elain and Gwyn are equally degrading and horrific and need to stop, but if you're only calling out the comments that hurt you/your friends/your ship and not the others, then you should maybe attempt some basic self reflection and analyse those double standards you're carrying.

This entire fandom needs to do better. I'll say again, for the umpteenth time, to any of my fellow Elriels that if you think mocking Gwyn's past is funny, then you're not mature enough to read an adult series. But this works both ways, and if you think mocking infertility is funny/use it as a win, then you're just as immature. I would really and truly appreciate it if we were not left alone to argue over and over again why discriminating against someone who couldn't "have a man's children" is wrong, and why many, many people in this adult fandom - that is largely comprised of women! - might find such a theory, and the resulting discourse, incredibly upsetting.

Infertility hurts; not having a kid when you want one can be viscerally painful. Besides that, I know very few people who have given birth who don't carry around some sort of emotional or physical trauma from doing so. Treating a character's hypothetical infertility with one man as a joke is gross.

Please don't call Gwyn "damaged goods" or suggest that Azriel would choose somebody else over Elain because she couldn't have his kids.

They are the same thing.

It's not hard to be kind. Pain is not a competition.

We should all do better, and take care of each other.

[gabessquishytum]

I know we love us a good stalker au, but I’ve been tickling myself lately with the idea of a stalker fail au 😁

Teenage Dream is utterly obsessed with his older neighbor Hob, and takes any possible excuse he can think of to visit and spend time with him; on top of being utterly gorgeous, Hob is just so interesting and engaging, Dream could happily spend hours listening to him talk.

When he can’t think of a good excuse, Dream spends most of the rest of his free time spying on him, drinking in the sight of him from all angles as he goes about his day (Hob works from home and enjoys sunbathing during his breaks, so Dream gets lots of lovely opportune angles).

He’s even managed to claim a pair of Hob’s underwear to enjoy in the scant hours he’s not in Hob’s vicinity; on one of his visits when Hob had invited him inside, Dream had passed by the open door to the laundry room and saw a pile of clothes waiting for a turn in the wash, and there was a pair of underwear right on top. Dream had managed to snatch it while Hob was distracted, and somehow remained calm and casual the rest of the visit while it burned a hole in his pocket. Now it’s his to enjoy and masturbate with when Hob is unavailable to him.

Of course, Dream’s ultimate favorite activity is watching Hob go to bed at the end of the day; his bedroom is on the ground floor, windows shielded from any casual onlookers by tall bushes, but the window directly facing the bed has a cozy little space between the wall and the greenery, providing a perfect spot for Dream to kneel and watch his private show.

Nearly every night Hob seems to luxuriate in a ritual of slowly peeling off his clothes one piece at a time, before pulling on some kind of lovely and mouthwatering nighttime lingerie. Then, draping himself on top of the bed, he begins to touch himself. It’s the most beautiful and arousing thing Dream has ever seen—no matter how many times he sees it—and he feels no shame at all in pulling his own cock out and attempting to time his orgasm to coincide with Hob’s (he frequently fails and comes much sooner than Hob does, but thankfully he’s young and able to quickly get it back up and try again).

He’s often contemplated working up the courage to properly confess his feelings to Hob, as the only thing better than all his watching would be to become an active participant. But he considers the risk of Hob rejecting him, or worse discovering and taking offense to his spying activities, to be high enough to dissuade him. Better to stay in the safe anonymity of his clever hiding places.

——

Hob is in fact fully aware that his teenage neighbor Dream is stalking and spying on him. He probably would’ve put a stop to it by now if it weren’t for a few very pertinent facts: 1) Hob is a bit of an exhibitionist and enjoys the idea of someone watching him, 2) Dream is such a pretty young thing that the attention is rather flattering, and 3) the poor boy is so bad at being sneaky that it’s almost as funny as the spying is hot.

It’s very conspicuous that Dream comes over so often, and he’s not very good at hiding the hearts in his eyes or the blushes that appear if even a sliver of extra skin is revealed, so already his crush on Hob is obvious. Hob was also definitely watching when Dream swiped his underwear, and he actually saw it hanging out of Dream’s pocket a little for the entire rest of his visit. He considers it an accomplishment that he didn’t laugh in the boy’s face, since he seemed so excited to have accomplished his heist.

Dream’s not very good at hiding either, as when it comes to vantage points he apparently prioritizes getting a good view of Hob over ensuring he’s fully out of sight. It doesn’t take very long for Hob to either spot his fluffy black hair as he peers over the fence or through a window, or to hear Dream’s sighs and moans when he sees Hob doing something he considers attractive. He’s in fact taken to wearing less and less when he goes out to sunbathe, for the sole purpose of hearing Dream squeak from somewhere nearby.

His nighttime routine is also specifically put on for Dream’s benefit, treating the lad to a show and enjoying the response he gets in return (Dream unknowingly has nearly his entire face in view in order to watch Hob masturbate, and he never seems to realize that with the window cracked open as it is, Hob can clearly hear him panting and whimpering as he jerks himself off as well).

At some point soon Hob will probably put the poor thing out of his misery and finally take him to bed, but in the meantime he’s having too much fun winding Dream up.

-🪽anon

Poor little cringefail Dream, he's trying so hard and making himself look so silly in the process! And he has to watch Hob bringing home dates and letting them fuck his gorgeous arse and it's just not fair!!! The worst part is that Dream is legal now and Hob still hasn't made a move on him.

Thank goodness Hob is actually quite a sweetheart, and doesn't intend to keep Dream in misery forever. However embarrassing his attempts at stalking may be.

So he sends a quick text, inviting Dream to pop over for a drink. He's amused to see Dream practically falling over in his eagerness to get next door - it's really very flattering. Even more flattering when Dream actually sees Hob and his jaw literally drops. Hob’s wearing his softest, most revealing negligee and he's beckoning for Dream to join him upstairs.

Dream manages to only embarrass himself further by busting a nut in his skinny jeans before they even make it to Hob’s bedroom, and yes Hob does laugh at him... but the good thing about having a youthful lover is that you never have to wait long for the next boner. So Dream gets a second chance, and finally gets to fuck his beloved neighbour. It's even better than he'd imagined (and that's saying something because he spent a loooong time imagining).

He's still really bad at stealing underwear, but Hob finds it endearing at this point. Maybe next time, he'll swipe some of Dream’s instead... and wear them while he sunbathes :D

[catboybiologist]

Okay maybe it's time to make an actual designated pinned post

Edit: hiya! A new pinned post will come, but quick note that I am starting my transition MtF now. This pinned post, and all the pictures in it, predate that, however. General guide is that I'm referring to pre transition me as a femboy, and will be referring to myself as a trans woman to moment I start HRT. But I'm leaving this old pinned post up for now.

Hi! I'm CatboyBiologist. I'm a grad student in Molecular Biology with a passion for the ocean, nature, Fromsoft games, national parks, and weird tech stuff. I tastefully hornypost about men, women, and all others (so be warned), post spicy hot memes (fuck you I'm the funniest mfer alive), type out long rambles about science and nature, and play Fromsoft games. PLEASE send me cute pictures of your pets.

Oh yeah, I'm also a cis man who does this sometimes:

I also make shitposts out of myself sometimes

I've also made a couple guides on how to replicate these kinds of looks.

General overview of femboy stuff:

How I create cleavage looks from a relatively flat chest:

If you want a somewhat more realistic idea of what my figure looks like:

The best way to specifically see those posts and filter out everything else is probably to use the femboy tag on my profile.

Pronouns? Uuuuuhhhhhhhhh, idk dude just use whatever. It's far more gratifying to me to throw a look out there and see what people wanna use for it than to declare my pronouns. If that doesn't make sense to you, they/them or he/him is cool.

Asks and DMs are always open for science talk, cute animal pictures, casual non creepy flirting, or whatever else... With the SOLE exception of these two questions that I get WAY too often and will give final answers to here:

"Are you a biologist who studies catboys or a biologist that just happens to be a Catboy?"

Both. Do humans not study human biology?

(also I'm actually studying bio irl)

"why is it not catboyologist, hmmm? I am very clever"

To give a serious answer to a joking question I get way too much: This online persona (or whatever you want to call it) is about balancing and integrating two large parts of my personality: my career in and passion for biology, and my queerness and gender nonconformity. I wanted both of those parts to be clear, in a cute and fun username. Basically, "catboyologist" only has the same effect as my actual username if you already know my actual username- you can't interpret the "biologist" part from "catboyologist".

Plus, "catboyologist" has too many consecutive wide vowels. CatboyBiologist breaks it up so it sounds punchier.

Oh yeah and apparently I was a 196 microcelebrity? I never to thought I was popular enough for that but apparently some people do 🤷‍♀️. So uh, hi 196 tag, I'm abusing you for my pinned post LOL

I'll also abuse other tags I use somewhat frequently, so hi y'all

[lu-dao-writes]

— 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐎𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐥𝐞 (𝙇𝙤𝙧𝙚)

Summary: An oracle unknowingly lived in a cult their entire life, cursed with a touch that sends people into madness and elation. The cult’s goal was to resurrect the demon, Māra, but thanks to being enlightened with the truth, the oracle destroys the cult and flees in search of the Senobium, desperate for a cure; and if no cure was possible then they’d open themself into death’s arms. They had no idea of the dangerous people they’d encounter in the downtrodden and shady city that is Eridia.

— 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐬

(So that I don’t repeat myself too much, I had my friend, who is very knowledgeable in tarot, help me understand the cards when trying to figure out how this bunch feels about me. Please don’t take these as canon.)

Leander: two of cups, the lovers, wheel of fortune reversed, eight of cups reversed, knight of swords, and knight of wands.

I thought right away that with my background in mind, I’d be the perfect victim for Leander. In desperate need of help, and nowhere to go and no one to trust.

My friend pretty much said he thinks we’re made for each other even though it’s utterly toxic. He knows what he feels and wants to do is bad, but he doesn’t care and is willing to continue a toxic cycle.

All in all, scary stuff, and I’ve all but walked into the trap he laid out.

Vere: the magician, judgment, king of coins, king of swords

When I first went over it, I was puzzled because to me it seemed too positive, because it’s Vere we’re talking about. Overall I thought that Vere could see that I’ve been dealt a bad hand in life, but I have the tools to avoid that again if I’m smart enough to not let it happen.

My friend sums it up to Vere thinks I’m capable enough to hurt him. He doesn’t underestimate me because he believes if he slips up, I can get him. If I act clueless (when I truly am just clueless), he doesn’t believe me. But our relationship overall can end up a bit positively as long as I continue to treat him like a person rather than a pet.

And apparently he’s willing to be my pet😅😳🫣… (y’all when I was told that I was wheezing. Honestly thought he’d hate my guts fr.)

Mhin: Ace of coins reversed, king of cups, the high priestess, three of coins

In short of Mhin and I’s relationship: “Don’t wanna fuck with you, but I still care a little.”

Much like how they pay attention to Ais, they pay attention to me, but they aren’t keen on getting close. Our overall relationship can be very sweet though because we can grow from one another and lean on each other strengths. “Where you fall short, Mhin can help, and where they fall short, you can assist.”

Ais: Four of Wands reversed, Ace of cups, two of cups, nine of wands reversed, four of coins, the fool reversed, ten of cups.

Wooo I tell you-.

Ais and I are quite alike, and we both draw each other in. But overall we’re fantasizing the impossible. If Ais and I were to get together, to cross the line where it’s no longer platonic, things can and will become more complicated and hard for us. We’re both too different that we’d never have much progress.

We looked more into it and it seems that arguments are frequent to happen, mainly due to Ais not wanting to change.

Bonus: Ocudeus: Three of Coins, Magician (sideways), knight of wands reversed

I forgot to write the notes down, but I believe Ocudeus has almost the same mindset as Vere with not wanting to underestimate me. Mainly just lurking I believe.

Kuras: Queen of cups reversed, the lovers, the tower reversed, ten of wands.

I think this one’s almost as bittersweet- maybe if not more- as Ais’s and I’s relationship.

My friend got orpheus and eurydice vibes. Our story is supposed to end in tragedy and he can only watch it happen. I’m supposed to be his, but it doesn’t work. We’re both shouldered with burden. Definitely also some reincarnation vibes which is a theory I’ve seen mentioned and can get behind due to the demo.

Elyon: three of cups, eight of swords reversed, The World, Seven of wands, Five of swords reversed, and Four or wands reversed.

Y’all don’t know how stunned I was at this one lol.

So my friend said that we’re close friends, and him being protective. It could be for his own benefit but he’s also genuine in wanting to keep me safe at the same time.

When I asked how we even became close because of our clear differences (him being a wealthy businessman and me a random poor individual), I got page of cups reversed, empress reversed, and queen of coins reversed.

Initially I thought I went to his brothel to feel less insecure, but my friend said he saw it more as he gives me compliments or something because he can tell I’m insecure. Maybe even offered the brothel to help with that because I need money.

Sen: Temperance reversed, six of swords reversed, ten of swords reversed, and five of swords reversed.

To put it simply, Sen is obsessed with the idea that I can possibly kill her, but I refuse to do so.

I asked my deck which love interest is best suited for me and Mhin takes the cake; and I found it very interesting because in my deck the card I got was the three of swords and the story chosen for the card is “The Crane Wife”.

— 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐲𝐦𝐛𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦

𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐧/𝐃𝐚𝐨 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐞𝐧

𝐁𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

· · ───── ·𖥸· ───── · ·

⟡ 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲 & 𝐒𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

⟡ 𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 & 𝐑𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐥

⟡ 𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲 & 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

[moonpie016]

Moon goes on a whole talking session.

*Walks in and realizes that this is becoming a frequent thing to post on here. And I'm happy about that, because I get to show what I make all the time. :]*

But now onto the drawings, and will eventually make a list on things I want to do next because that'll help me stay on track.

---

Positive stuff below the drawing.

---

It's the dudes inside my head, yay. Though they're all asleep, well two of em are. I drew this for whatever purpose it would serve, that being that my insides, while still a confused state and overall over reactive response to anything that needs rephrasing. Or just anything that happens, good, bad, whatever, that it has a way of comforting itself. It tries.

It tries to do the bare minimum of existing, even if it is tricky with having to always remember and think of more to do.

How to react appropriately, how to understand things to its full capability. How to understand others and everything more.

It's difficult, not in the way that doing things is difficult, but however that goes. These conceptualized beings of emotion have existed for some time, don't remember when but they have. But they always hadn't looked like this, obviously/lh.

But they all serve the same purpose combined or separate.

---

And, to go completely off topic, to go ramble.

Songs have whatever emotional attachment they can hold, whether important or not, it's just something that sticks. Helps.

And as you can see how much art I make, how many times I've probably listened to most of all the songs on repeat by now, what random pieces of dialogue I'll spew to write.

Chonny's music is comfort. Now it isn't just his, other artists as well. But those aren't important rn. His music in general, not just CCCC. Through whatever emotional moment months ago that made me feel lost and confused on what to do, what do I do now. I needed to find something to latch onto, if not, I'd feel..off. like I wasn't doing anything, because I wasn't doing anything. I tried to get into stuff but it wasn't working, like it needed to naturally happen instead of force myself.

The music has related to my state of mind (no pun) at certain points. And I find that comforting. Concerning? Maybe, but comforting.

Like, getting into what's popular, what new game, but that didn't work. And I'm kinda happy my brain decided to be now fixated on this man's music. Sure every time I'd like to explain or show someone, I need to specify and always show specific songs. Cus. Yeah. But now, I see people's work and stuff, and it's all so cool. And though the inconsistency of this blog is very apparent. I've enjoyed my time on here, very much. Even if I don't always actually speak to someone, because I don't really know what to say or start a conversation. (Seeds/social anxiety). I'm still happy for whatever interaction I get. I'm happy to feel included in this bizarre/pos and silly household. Idk why I'm calling it a household. Just go with it.

Even if I linger around or just post a drawing, I'm enjoying it. Some artwork may be more serious than silly. But yeah.

And to also just say whatever without rethinking is great, now I'm not going to say anything out of word. But just being silly in general with my wording. Y'know? Make odd jokes or talk excessively. (Wow).

Sum it up, I appreciate you all. Though you don't know me or I know you, it means a lot. I didn't think a joke about Heart beating up Mind would be turned into anything else, or that people would actually say anything.

This is just a happy little appreciation thing. I don't know how to end it! I just felt to write this.

So, uh yeah. :3

*Runs back into the hills*

Thanks for reading my ramble/pos.

---

[utilitycaster]

The thing I've realized, in the broader Actual Play space, is that a lot of creators are trying to turn Actual Play shows into TV shows.

You mentioned Kollok in your tags, and the creator of that has mentioned creating Kollok in a way to try to appeal to the Netflix audience.

And I'm all for experimentation, but tbh if I wanted to watch a TV show, I would go watch a TV show. That's not what I'm looking for in an Actual Play and over editing and gimmicks actively turn me off from it.

Folks creating Actual Play seem to put a lot of weight on it, but I don't know if it's that important from an audience perspective.

Hey anon,

Huge same - I've been thinking about this for a while, especially in regards to choices I didn't like (notably on D20, though the Candela split screen in chapter 3, while relatively minor, felt like part of the same trend and I'm really interested in seeing whether they keep it). I actually did mean to write more about this not in the tags of a reblog, so thanks for this ask because it gives me that motivation to do it!

Earlier this year I was at an event and someone who to be totally honest I found kind of annoying was talking about Dimension 20, and I decided to keep quiet and listen to what other people had to say, and another person (whom I respect and specifically know to be like, left-leaning and inclusive and not gatekeeper dudebro type, which is relevant to the next statement) who is solidly in Gen X and has been playing D&D since at least 2e mentioned that he doesn't like Actual Play at all because he is from the era where D&D was frequently played in third person and is somewhat of a purist in that sense. Ie, this guy would say "Gawain pulls out his sword and smites the dragon, with a 24 to hit", rather than "I'm going to pull out my sword and smite the dragon." He described his idea of D&D as being very much collaborative storytelling in the sense of a bunch of third person narrators who happen to be the storytellers for one specific character, not a first-person acted scene.

I happen to like both forms of narration and am not a purist either way, and indeed use both third person and first person myself as a player (as do many actual players; you see this on CR and D20 all the time). But I think this does show just how broad this spectrum is. You have people all the way on the "I am narrating an improvised story, I am the storyteller puppeting my character and I am not trying to be immersed" side and then you have shows that are trying to push this into full immersion...but so long as you have dice rolls, you'll never achieve it.

I prefer something in between: I do love watching people act, but I really like the gears and wires! I love mechanics! I think people who say "I love actual play D&D but I don't really care for combat, only RP" don't actually like actual play D&D! This is a specific format and I do not want people to hide the fact that they are using the rules of a game and are at a table, because they are and we know it.

This came up when I and others talked about the Legend of Vox Machina adaptation: they're probably going to have to find a way to convey the same tragedy and gravity of Scanlan's ninth level counterspell that doesn't require viewers to know the mechanics, because if you watch that scene as actual play the meaning of Sam saying "Nine" is immediately apparent. It hits hard with that one single word, but that won't be the case in an animated adaptation where no one is rolling a D20. Mechanics are in intrinsic part of actual play. You can enjoy actual play without that knowledge, but a solid grounding in those mechanics will only enhance that enjoyment (well, unless you're one of those rules-lawyery weirdos who gets bitter about any GM rule of cool/homebrew that they couldn't predict from the rulebooks but those people will never be happy).

The more general context of "being in a game", not just mechanics, is also in my opinion valuable. Brennan, on a Worlds Beyond Number fireside chat, referred to certain NPCs like Caramelinda as "furious that they are in a D&D game" and it's a funny and true statement. I feel like trying to push actual play into the realm of scripted shows is that: it feels like you're trying to hide the origins, and I think the quality of the show will ultimately suffer when you do that. It feels almost ashamed of what it is, and I don't think you can make something that transforms a medium/genre/thing in between the two without having a profound love and respect for the original, even if you also find it flawed. (This is also, tbh, how I feel about a lot of attempts to divorce D&D from the fact that it is ultimately a game influenced heavily by sword-and-sorcery fantasy, or about attempts to turn high or heroic fantasy into something that neatly affirms all of one's 2024 real world political beliefs, but that's another post).

I also think that the out-of-character element of actual play is a big draw. I have been open about having complicated feelings about the parasocial and projection aspects; but those feelings are "hey, this is still a show that is a source of livelihood, you are not hanging out in someone's living room and getting weird about the fact that the CR cast no longer responds to every tweet is dumb" and "you have not been betrayed by the creators because you didn't get the plot you wanted," and "the fact that two actors sit next to each other is not, in fact, a solid basis for shipping." I am equally opposed to the idea of "the actors do not exist, only the characters do," put forward in that attempt to make actual play Netflix-ready. It's fun to watch the CR cast rib Travis for turning bright red for, as people said, pretend kissing his real wife. It's fun to watch the Intrepid Heroes heckle Brennan when he plays a villain. It's fun to hear Aabria and Erika scream at WBN plot developments and for the McElroys or the NADDPod crew to wheeze with laughter and all of these shows but CR are to a degree edited, and all leave that element in, which I think says something really important about what actual play is understood to be!

It does not escape me that the seasons/shows using heavier camera edits have often, in my opinion, sacrificed story quality for a visual style I don't even care for. I do watch prestige television, and one of the more striking cinematographic choices I've seen lately are the extremely long single take shots used on both Succession's final season (Connor's Wedding, 4x03) and The Bear's first season (Review, 1x07). Prestige TV is not doing the glitchy Neverafter stuff. Hell, I liked Sagas of Sundry: Dread and never finished Madness before it went offline and haven't made an effort to seek it out specifically because the black box theater feel of Dread felt fun and new but not too removed from actual play vibes, whereas the higher production values of Madness, ironically, made it feel too artificial and stilted to keep my interest.

Actual play is its own beast, and in trying to appeal to a new audience you're probably going to lose a lot of the one you have. A big part of why I haven't been motivated to check out Kollok is that everything I hear about it, even positive reviews, makes it sound like it's missing the things I like from actual play and doesn't achieve the level of scripted shows. Honestly I think the REAL answer here is that if you want to find a space between a Netflix drama and an Actual Play show, ditch the rules and make stuff like Midst, which is as discussed inspired by ttrpg/actual play spaces, but is broadly plotted out in advance. I think that approach can combine the best of both worlds, whereas I feel as though attempting to be a Netflix show will usually spend so much time trying to hide the fact that there's a table there that it will detract from the actual story.

[my-darling-boy]

Have you had any ✨Ghost Experiences✨ in Scotland yet? Meet any new ghosts???

Ohhhh plenty, but far too many to list without going off on a ramble haha

We’ve done many overnights in castles and old buildings up and down the UK with a team of investigators which has led to really neat experiences, some of them absolutely poignant. I think my favourite interaction has been with a sweetheart of a young seaman called William aboard the RRS Discovery docked in Dundee, also the best K2 session I’ve ever had was there. But yeah, various castles, historic buildings, manors, prisons, etc with some really fascinating results.

I do like how it’s also putting the mediumship to the test which is something I still don’t really like bringing up in general to people but I have apparently shocked investigators/employees at these places with describing events, people, and other things with detail that is not even public or only known privately by people who frequent that location. Nearly all locations I’ve never been to and make a point not to read up on them before I go, which makes these instances more compelling? I often don’t even know the significance of what I’m (sheepishly) describing only to be told I just described a specific thing that happened in a room when there’s no way I could know about said thing. One of the best instances of this was on the RRS Discovery when trailing behind the group in the lower decks, I stopped suddenly. It felt as though something SMACKED very hard and very sudden right where I was standing, someone had lost their life in this very spot. I thought with the boilers around perhaps someone had been hit somehow and died or maybe fallen from the above platform and hit their head on the metal below but was told there were no known records of someone dying in that room and that the platforms didn’t exist at the time. I was perplexed by this as I was 100% sure something had happened there but I just ignored it, maybe I was wrong. We get up to the top deck finally and are told about a boy who, in 1901, tragically fell from the crows nest and died. The investigator and I suddenly realised I had been standing directly below the spot he would have hit on the upper deck when he fell. Another would be a nice young man I’d encountered at a private castle who seemed to be wearing some sort of chainmail and white tunic, followed me around for most of the night, and at one point I picked up on a story about a strange looking gold disc with all these markings on it on the alter in the chapel which he immediately told me not to ask about and refused to elaborate more, I had no idea why he was so adamant about this. I later learned after enquiry the castle historians have documented the place being used by the Templars and it’s a private fact at this location that the Templars have buried artefacts beneath the castle they are working to recover… most notably, beneath the chapel. I’d be talking for ages if I described the other occurrences, but that’s one I’ll always remember!

All and all, I do actually recommend doing it, even if you don’t believe in the stuff, because you get entire historic locations basically all to yourself, at night, which is cooler. I once sat for nearly an hour in a 200 year old jail on the floor, in the dark, at 2 AM, just chilling. On free roam while everyone is usually at base, I’ve been able to explore places by myself, in the dark, opening doors to rooms not even shown to us, panning my torch to old paintings and artefacts in basements to attics and bedrooms and so much more. I’ve sat alone in century old ships and played sea shanties which echoed hauntingly down the passageways. Sprawled out in the pews of medieval chapels in the pitch dark, wandered dark castle corridors alone, sometimes I’ll sing out old songs and just listen to it drift out through the halls and rooms. You feel like some character in a novel, it’s quite a liminal space! Like all these places where so many other people came before you, where people lived and died, sometimes even right where you’re sitting, and you’re able to lay out on the stones in the dark with it all and just feel connected to it yk?

Anyway that still ended up being a ramble HAHA so yeah! I recommend it for both believers and those less inclined because at the end of the day, you’ve basically got several hours of private access to historical locations, at night, no tourists, and sometimes to places the public isn’t allowed at all, and hey maybe something Strange will happen while you’re alone in the darkness.

[askmerriauthor]

Regarding this post I made earlier examining Geeta's antics in Paldea.

In Defense of Geeta

I feel like Geeta absolutely was written to be the shitty boss she is intentionally. There's too many situations where attention is drawn to her bad habits, either as them being directly pointed out or indirectly referenced. But what I really hope the case ends up being is that she's not at all a villain. Pokemon has gone the route of the suspicious CEO-type character being the "twist villain nobody could have seen coming!" for several games now. It's getting pretty old and I feel like it would be a weak direction for S/V to take.

Interestingly enough, one actually can look at all of Geeta's actions and not really see anything nefarious about them. Discussion after the jump for the sake of spoilers and wall'o'text.

It's very easy to look at Geeta and think she's a Bad Guy, given her strange behavior and all the negative attention she gets among the fandom. I'm certainly not innocent of seeing her in a less than endearing light, given my prior post. But a lot of that view does come from real world parallels and comparing the game's presentation to past Pokemon games in which nobody ever says the slightest criticism of the Champion, which may not necessarily be fair.

One of the biggest justifications Players have to indicate Geeta is bad is the way she meddles with the Gym Leaders and how corporate she's made the League. I pointed that out myself. But to flip it around... maybe she behaves that way because it's what the Gym Leaders need?

We constantly see Geeta inserting herself into events throughout the game. She shows up at the Academy, pops up at Gyms seemingly at random, and is always talking about how she has other pressing business that pulls her away from lingering too long. The only way she gets time to participate in casual encounters is when others (usually Nemona or the Player, if not both) take some of her workload off her plate. While I criticized the way Geeta had apparently deeply intertwined the Pokemon League, the Academy, and the Paldean economy itself, it does stand to reason doing so puts a ton of work on her having to maintain it. That's her own doing though, so it's a case of her getting what she signed up for and she never seems to shy away from it despite her habit of recruiting others to help.

The Gym Leaders, though? While they do remark about Geeta meddling with them, giving frequent reviews, and otherwise sticking her nose into their business, they've also shown that they're all pretty flaky. Rather, they're a total mess both individually and collectively. It's possible that the reason Geeta is constantly keeping an eye on them is because they need that in order to fit the direction Geeta is trying to guide the League in.

When we meet each of the Gym Leaders both in our first encounter and in the rematch post-game, we learn a lot about their behaviors through casual exposure. All of the Gym Leaders have a job besides running a Gym and, with the exception of Grusha, all of them show that running the Gym is by no means their top priority. Nor are any of them especially reliable when it comes to managing their Gyms. Based on past games, we're accustomed to Gym Leaders taking a large amount of pride in their position and holding it in esteem even when they also had other simultaneous jobs. We've seen Gym Leaders and Elite Four who were also artists, performers, athletes, CEOs, and such before. That's not the case with Paldea though; to these Gym Leaders, it's just a job and not necessarily one they put a lot of personal investment into compared to their actual passions/careers. It's mentioned that Geeta "strong-armed them" into taking on the role, which can be read that she went out of her way to convince strong, capable Trainers to become Gym Leaders for the sake of Paldea and because she saw the potential they held but weren't utilizing.

Katy flat-out forgot that she was under review and only appeared for the rematch by pure coincidence because she just so happened to visit that day. When we first meet Kofu, he and his assistant are both a totally scatterbrained mess. Iono only bothers with being a Gym Leader because it gets her viewership for her streamer career; if something else better came along, she'd surely jump for it immediately. Brassius is very upfront about his artistic passions being the number one thing in his life and openly abandons his responsibilities as a Gym Leader to pursue them during the rematch. Tulip's modeling career keeps her busy and she only has just enough time to show up for a brief match before immediately leaving to get back to her work. Ryme is more focused on her music career and wasn't even the original Gym Leader; that position belonged to her sister, Professor Tyme, who left the role to become a teacher. Larry, despite being the most vocal about his dislike of Geeta's habits, is also the most distracted as he has three simultaneous jobs and constantly works overtime. Finally, Grusha doesn't have any job besides being a Gym Leader, but that's only due to an injury that has made it impossible for him to pursue his original passion. That same injury has likewise cost him his motivation and drive to improve; he's only hanging onto his role as Gym Leader because he doesn't think he has anything else going for him now.

With all that in mind, it makes sense a rigid sort like Geeta would want to keep a close watch and short leash on all these unreliable personalities, doesn't it? She has to keep tabs on them because they risk failing the various Trainers who hope to challenge them otherwise, along with squandering their own potential. Geeta is always very open about her desire to foster powerful Trainers out of Paldea, if nothing else. After the rematch, all the Gym Leaders express a level of understanding and even appreciation toward Geeta for what she's done for them. Grusha and Larry stand out in particular, as they both confess that her meddling has helped motivate them to go beyond what they've settled into. Where Larry mentions that Geeta will dock his pay if he wastes time, he also mentions that she insists he stop overworking himself with overtime hours. So it's possible she's simultaneously trying to keep him focused without letting him overdo it as well.

When it comes to how corporate Geeta has made the League, that's not technically fair to say either. It's an easy shorthand but not entirely accurate. The goal of corporations is to make profit no matter what, but that's not really Geeta's motivation. She's not looking to get rich or powerful, but to rally as many genuinely powerful and talented Trainers up within Paldea as she can. That, in and of itself, isn't at all a bad thing and is commonly shared among all regions that have a League. While I criticize League Points as being company scrip, it does supply not just Trainers but all citizens of Paldea with an alternative way of funding themselves. This would include the Gym Leaders; despite common remarks (which I have made myself) about Geeta not paying the Gym Leaders a living wage, it's entirely possible they do indeed make plenty to thrive on and just have their non-Gym Leader job because that's their true passion that they want to put their effort into. Be it cash or League Points, they do have a salary. Larry himself mentions it outright, while Grusha and Brassius don't seem to be in any financial straits despite their unstable working conditions outside the Gyms. When it comes to the region's economy as a whole, subsidizing major commercial chains throughout the region just to make food and supplies more accessible can't be cheap; when you sell goods to the PokeMart for cash, you only get a fraction of the total value, but get significantly more (usually double) the value in League Points. Geeta's overall emphasis doesn't seem to be shaping the League and its sphere of influence within Paldea to make herself wealthy or powerful, but rather to make the whole affair as plainly efficient and self-sustaining as possible. In that regard, she's done a fantastic job.

When all is said and done, I genuinely hope Geeta isn't a villain but simply a boss with lofty visions, exacting demands, and absolutely terrible interpersonal skills. I feel like she'd be a lot more interesting that way in that she'd be a genuinely flawed person without her issues just being dismissed as "because she's the Bad Guy".

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for breaking up with a man to immediately date a woman?👩‍❤️‍👩

So a couple of years ago I (at the time 25F) identified as bisexual and ace. I had dated before, but it was all long distance relationships, and all men. At this point, I was single, and while in university, I met a guy (Jake, 26M) and he confessed he was into me. I only really thought of Jake as a friend, but I agreed we could date- because I've always confused platonic/romantic feelings, and foolishly thought I could probably "grow into" the relationship, like my previous ones. Jake is smart, friendly, very sweet and supportive, thoughtful, I didn't see why we couldn't date! But of course, as relationships do, suddenly he becomes more physical, more affectionate with me- which duh, we're dating, I should've expected this- but it blindsided me.

I would very frequently communicate to him what I was comfortable/uncomfortable with, and he'd be okay backing off and taking things more slowly, but would occasionally gently push my boundaries. I'd have to remind him that I wasn't comfortable, and he'd back off and would tell me it's okay- but I don't think he meant it. I think he was hoping I would "get over" these uncomfortable feelings and give him what he wants, eventually. It got to a point I was uncomfortable even being alone with him, because I knew he'd start acting this way. I was deeply appreciative of his patience, since I know I was being weird about our relationship.

While this is happening, I was venting to my dear friend Mary (25F) about how I felt terrible, how I felt stuck, and Mary would support me, hear me out, and comfort me. I had also met Mary in university, and Jake and Mary knew each other and were also friends. We were all a part of the same friend group- but I only would talk to Mary about what was going on between me and Jake.

A few months of this passes, and it occurs to me that I had a crush on Mary. A real, actual, true crush. One I'd never felt before in any of my other relationships- I had a connection with her, she and I understood each other. One night, we jokingly both kind of confessed to each other at the same time. It was then that it all clicked for me- I'm not bi… I'm a lesbian. It's why I've felt that I've had to "grow into" my previous relationships with men. I never truly was attracted to them, and just thought that was how all relationships were. Mary was the first person I actually felt like I could be myself.

Anyway- Mary knew about Jake obviously, and I told her up front that I'd need time to break up with him. She understood completely. I broke up with him the next day or so in person, quietly, in private. I didn't tell him about Mary, nor about me realizing that I'm a lesbian. I just said that I didn't think we could work out- that he wants more than I could give, and that I wasn't good for him, he deserved someone better. He understood, but he was very upset. And angry. He threatened me with a "If you date anybody in our group- we won't be friends anymore." and stormed off. I cried, but figured I deserved it. He truly cared about me, and I feel like I lied to him through our whole relationship- even if I didn't realize it.

Mary and I dated in secret shortly after, to prevent Jake from finding out and hating the both of us and causing turmoil in our group. He went around and told all of our male friends to leave me alone and not to touch me, so I'm pretty sure he never suspected Mary. I only found out about this because one of said other male friends approached me and told me what Jake had said- Jake never made this apparent to me.

But me and Mary? I've never been happier. We cuddle, we kiss- we do everything you'd expect in a relationship, and I'm never uncomfortable. And when I AM uncomfortable, Mary leaves it alone. She never pushes my boundaries unless I try something on my own terms or we talk about it first. She's a dream come true, and she's beautiful and I love her.

Cut to years later- me and Mary have been together for 10 years now. We've both graduated university, we live together, and we're soon to be married. We're still very close with our friend group- we regularly meet up for movie nights, dinner outings and dnd sessions. Jake's still one of our best friends, and he knows that we're dating, now. I've never addressed me and Mary to Jake directly, so I've never known how he's felt about us.

This is years after the fact, of course, and Jake is still a wonderful friend and (seemingly) has moved on/doesn't care about me and Mary. But I'm occasionally haunted by this mess that I caused, and I feel like I was terrible to Jake. So, Tumblr, I leave you all to judge me. Was I the asshole?

[kickthecan-revolution]

I’ve had a very odd experience at the airport. I was on the escalator to a train that takes me to my gate and a panicked young woman yells “please let me by I have to run!”. I scooted quickly to the right and could feel her panic. We were on the same train and I could tell she was crying - I asked her if there was anything I could do and she said her grandfather was dying and she barely got on the last flight out to his city, that if she didn’t get on this one, he’d be gone by tomorrow.

I can’t explain it, I felt this rush of…..maternal love, I guess? I took my mask off and said you are absolutely going to make it to the gate on time and you are going to make this flight. It’s all going to be fine. You need to be first to the escalator so when the doors open, run straight to the right and don’t worry about being polite.” I checked on her at her gate and they weren’t going to let her in but between the two of us, we explained what was happening. He was kind (as so many Alaska Airlines employees are) and he made it happen. She got her ticket and I backed away but she turned and gave me the biggest hug, her whole body shaking. I looked at her straight in the eyes and said she needs to drink a lot of water on the plane because she is in shock and likely dehydrated. That I believe she will see him again and he knows how much she loves him, and he’ll carry that with him in his ears, eyes and heart on the Way to whatever is next.” We were both emotional. Wild.

Then at my gate, some drunk dude was screaming at these two older men about the election. apparently it started out as a civil conversation and when he discovered they are moderate Conservatives, He was yelling how he’s a radical Leftist and “isnt it weird how Conservatives have become the scum of the country.” these guys were showing a lot of restraint and being kind - I on the other hand said “well I’m on the Left too and think you need to just shut the fuck up.” He got up and left, and I spent the rest of the time talking to these guys who are going to Alaska about all of the different types of whales they are going to see, so excited for them.

I’m a Karen, I know. I’m so sick of the meanness and the strident, black and white positions and how we reduce each other to objects. We choose that, no politician has made us do that, in my opinion. We’re grown. I’ll admit, I’ve frequently made this choice that it’s ok to not actually see people as human beings because of what they value and how that shows up in their politics. It’s always been here, when the first Black kids went to a white school. Fucking horrifying. Shell shocked 19 year olds coming back from Vietnam getting spit on - fucking horrifying.

Passion only takes me so far. Staring down the barrel of a cancer diagnosis has forced me to appreciate and embrace the duality of ideas, values and feelings in myself. I’m rethinking and being honest about how frequently I ask myself, “what if I’m wrong? What if I don’t have all of the information? Is it really that simple that if someone doesn’t do X then the totality of them means Y?” that makes me a little sick to my stomach to consider. I’m afraid of that question. It’s concerning how quick I was to shut that guy down. He wasn’t human to me in that moment compared to a few minutes earlier where I had an important moment between two humans who had a shared experience of grief.

Is this what this all is? Are we all grieving?

I reblogged something from @hthrrloooo that is profound, how behind kindness can be real destruction. I saw myself in that. I saw people I care about.

Maybe the veil is lifting and being ugly about each other and to each other is the season we need to wake up. Maybe virtuous people are dicks, the saints certainly were, maybe they don’t care about being liked so that coat of performative civility isn’t there and we judge them for it. Mr Theresa had a shit ton of enemies and in the end, not too many friends. Or was she full of shit at times too? Anger and loss are activating agents. Is shame? Maybe, in different parts of the world, Shame vs Honor is a value system continuum much like in the west, Good vs Evil is. It has been for me at times. Where does love come in? Ultimately, I don’t think a lot of people believe in the power of collective love anymore. I think it’s disappeared. Was it ever here? I’m wondering if we know how to talk about what we are afraid of and if we had that capacity, how it might help. Or do I define “love” as being liked and I’m just too chicken shit to take a stand where I might not be. That tracks.

It’s beyond tone, at least it is for me. I felt so virtuous when I shut that guy down and now all I feel is gross.

Anyway. I’m sitting here waiting for the plane to take off really wishing I could think about this over a gin and tonic with my friends. The Libra in me sees every aspect of every side and feels it deeply. This week I become a cancer patient again and I’m oissed about it. so that’s what I’m focusing on.