#i do think hes a catty gay guy . at heart . but i think even the way thats displayed is like . a front in a way ?

[funkily]

i think traffic scott has crazy issues with his sense of self . i cant defend this at the moment but i feel it in my heart and also depending on how u look at his character i think there is canon backing

[aqueeracademic]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 17:

season 5, episode 1, “Muse”:

note: this episode deals with some really dark topics; i don’t really get into it in this post but be wary of the content

- okay season 5‼️‼️

- let’s get gay

- this guy seems a little young to be a professor

- oh he isn’t a professor he’s just some guy

- i want to live in a windmill tbh

- strange playing the trombone agenda!

- pause did morse not move to london?

- me when i have no clue what’s going on

- DETECTIVE SERGEANT?????? ULTIMATE PAUSE

- HE PASSED HIS SERGEANTS

- shit i guess he stayed

- living with strange! besties 4 lyfe

- these umbrellas are doing nothing to keep them dry

- the way debryn is giving his analysis directly to morse 🥰🥰🥰

- bro knows morse is the only one who’s gonna pay attention tbh

- about WHAT morse situation 🤨🤨🤨🤨

- i love frazil she’s always rooting for morse

- hello who tf is that

- george fancy

- WAIT

- i cant experience the george fancy story again.

- can’t handle it.

- “i’m used to working alone, sir.”

- no ur not morse u just miss jakes

- WHAT. SITUATION.

- oh

- okay

- so they’re just not gonna move him 🙄

- made me panic for no good damn reason

- morse is so disrespectful to fancy and for what

- “what’s a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?” “my job.” 😐

- i forgot i also hated fancy for a long time

- morse was right ‼️

- “hard to get, eh?” why don’t you! shut your mouth!

- “you have no idea.” “i like a challenge.”

- WHY DONT YOU! shut up ❤️

- in fairness morse was really upfront with george about his expectations so after a certain point it’s george’s fault for being a dumbass and annoying him

- that’s just me tho!

- okay ew i did not need to see debryn pull that spike out of the dudes ear

- i am experiencing debilitating heart burn right now i think im gonna die

- anywho

- thursday just roasting the shit out of nero while morse stands there like 😮

- JOAN ‼️‼️‼️

- omg she’s back

- morse is so awkward 🙄

- morse is just… drinking milk. just a glass of milk. like 🥛. im disgusted

- ayo

- body took me by surprise to say the least

- morse is getting awfully comfortable looking at dead people

- i feel like fancy is already a lot like jakes and that’s what’s irritating morse

- he keeps asking questions the same way jakes did

- it’s different though because fancy is asking because hes ignorant, not because he’s challenging morse

- and morse is irritated because jakes was an intellectual challenge

- he had to be certain before presenting anything to jakes because jakes would ask questions to force him to prove it or think it through all the way

- fancy isn’t challenging him intellectually even though he’s taking jakes’ spot

- and morse doesn’t want a replacement he just wants jakes

- ykwim??????????????

- great!

- moving on

- “dipped his quill in any ink pot.”

- bro was a whore

- i’m also assuming he was a lil…. fruity

- but don’t ask me for proof! i operate on vibes and vibes alone

- the way i thought that glider was small 💀💀

- it was literally carrying around an entire human being

- “i don’t think she likes men.” “maybe it’s just you she doesn’t like.”

- morse is SO catty i love him

- he clocked that guy as a scumbag and just ran w it

- IM DYING at morse saying what shade the lipstick is and debryn instantly knowing the line it’s from

- that’s a little 💅

- i’m just saying

- for this time period?

- also the silence after he says it 💀

- and morse just carries on 💀

- i love debryn

- george is doing his best tho

- morse just misses jakes and doesn’t want someone else hanging around and i’m SICK OVER IT

- morse watched that entire strip show and for what 😐

- you could have just gone straight to the dressing room babes

- the way he doesn’t check her out ONCE when she stands up

- respect 😔✊

- i’m watching this on amazon and the amount of times the captioning has said [inaudible] is killing me

- AYO eve is gorgeous

- i know that’s the point but like goddam 😭

- “he’d seen me dancing.” “stripping.”

- morse ur being annoying

- they’re dancers whether or not they take clothes off and ur stripping them of their dignity by belittling their careers

- there’s 0 reason to slut shame them for dancing even if it is stripping

- don’t be a dick ‼️

- naur why was morse the one to uncover the body 🥺

- i literally hate him and then immediately feel terrible for him and love him again 🙄

- i’m weak what can i say

- the way morse looks at trewlove during the interrogation and she’s just like 😳

- girl didn’t want to know a singular thing about morse’s sex life

- straight up trapped

- i’m honestly confused how fancy forgot to get the contents booked

- like you went to do it right away

- did you just?? stop? doing it???

- and then morse just covers for him to thursday to keep him in everyone’s good graces

- he’s sooooooo

- ugh.

- if there’s an opportunity to be self sacrificing he’s gonna take it and i hate it

- because being self sacrificing IS the example he sets fancy

- and we all know how that ends up

- i love it when morse is alone in the nick and opera music is playing

- it makes me think that it’s playing in his mind

- like he is constantly hearing opera when he’s working even if it’s not playing

- he’s just hearing it

- i love it

- a touch of the tism perhaps…

- ^me projecting

- that student that morse keeps talking to about the life model? the one w the blonde fringe? yeah! he’s gay.

- once again, no proof. vibes and vibes alone!

- GO CASS GO!

- out ur husband as a con artist!

- werk

- ooo dr croxley is gay for sure

- i’m so low on actual queer content from this show rn i’m just assuming every single side character is gay

- “i beg your pardon?” “you can beg my fat ass!”

- ROAST HIM FRED!!

- get his ass

- thursday has absolutely zero reservations about this shit i love him

- this is reminding me of the riot club tbh

- idk if any of you have seen that movie but the group of men behave just like the riot club

- morse giving a theory out and then bright going “and the rest?” and him being like 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ is SO REAL

- some of these episodes have so many characters, and i am so bad with names, i’ll get to the like one hour mark and have no idea who anyone is talking about anymore

- joan and thursday speaking for the first time in like a year is… hmmm

- she used to be such a daddy’s girl and now she hates his guts i am WRECKED

- dhmu 😔💔

- “that was quick.” “you asked for it.” “you’re a good sergeant, jim. good man, too.”

- you tell him thursday!

- me when i’m a jim strange STAN

- i’m nervous why is the music so scary

- oh literally nothing happened

- she just invited him inside

- he’s gonna sleep w her huh? 🙄

- he’s a slut

- i read the books! i know!

- “save it for your clients. i’m immune.”

- first of all, morse, we ALL KNOW that that isn’t true 🤨 no need to lie 😐

- “you’ve got need coming off you like a junkie gouging for a spike, but you won’t do anything about it.”

- this line is ABSOLUTELY INSANE i’m going feral

- like why would you say that 😭😭😭😭

- oh my god his face while she’s offering herself to him is so 😧

- i can’t do this tonight ✋😁

- the way he backs away from her when he starts to figure her out

- he’s so scared

- all the time!

- i hate it here

- sidebar:

- this is literally the plot of the riot club

- like what happened to the women and how the men behave and the fact that the men were scholars and it’s an elite group and they all call each other by different names

- it’s literally the riot club

- a movie i HATED and did not finish btw

- this is open riot club slander that movie was terrible

- feel free to watch it if you don’t believe me tho!

- but anyways this feels like the aftermath of that movie

- these girls are right and should be allowed to get away with it tho

- morse should have just pretended to never figure it out and let her get away with it

- i erased this episode from my memory this shit is so hard to watch

- justice for ruth astor.

- i’m sobbing my eyes out right now! literally sobbing.

- morse slut shames these girls the entire episode and then feels terrible at the end as he fucking should

- i hate men.

- just throwing in the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. at the end????

- like hello?

- idk if that’s supposed to feel random but it certainly does

- ok that episode traumatized me

- on to the next!

[sunshineseung]

My assumptions about you based on who your stray kids bias is~

Bang Chan: you’re constantly horny, but you mask it with 🌸🥺💗💌 but we all know what you’re thinking about, and it’s Chris’ arms. 90% of your camera roll is pictures of Chan being cute or sexy, and your YouTube history is just Chan’s room clips. You’re also super duper OT8 though. You love these boys almost as much as your bias does. I’m guessing you went through an emo phase sometime in your life, or at least often wear all black with layers upon layers no matter the weather. 

Lee Know: you’re really smart and/or really gay. Lesbians love Lino! You’ve probably read the hunger games or a similar book series at some point, and now you just like guys that are cold or serious a lot. You’re some of the only people that see minho for more than just being “mean”, and I really appreciate that. Also, you’re all cat people. Unlike stray kids, you can name and identify all of Minho’s cats, and I’m sure he appreciates that. Although most people would get mad, you’re through the moon when your favorite idols post selfies with stupid, face-warping filters, and theyre more than often your lock screen. Overall, you’re the superior kind of stay, and far too powerful to be contained.

Changbin: Oh my god, we get it, you love him. (kidding, please keep talking about him). You have a real heart of gold. Basically the nicest person ever, but you can still pick on your friends from time to time. There’s so much love in your heart, but most of it is for Changbin. No offence, but you’re probably short (although arent most stays short?). Crazy assumption, but did you go through a steven universe/gravity falls phase? Don’t worry, the best of us did. You probably have very fond memories of children’s media like cartoons or childrens books, and i’m nearly certain you own at least two Squishmallows. I will protect you at all costs.

Hyunjin: Oh, so you’re really hot. You’re also very opinionated and outgoing when needed, but damn. Leave some for the rest of us. You don’t even know you’re breaking hearts left and right, but please don’t stop. You don’t have a ton of friends, but a few very close ones, and you’re okay with that. You’re also very talented at a lot of things, even things you don’t know or think you’re good at. The jack of all trades type. You’re very much the kind of person to speak up when you see something going wrong, whether it’s bigotry, bullying, or anything you personally don’t agree with. Don’t get it wrong, though, if anyone even mentions Hyunjin or Stray Kids, you’re ready to go on a 5 hours tirade about how amazing and talented and pretty Hwang Hyunjin is. May god have mercy on those who are within earshot. 

Han: Stop acting so tough. We all know you’re just a little softy. No amount of silver jewelry or punk/alternative clothing can hide who you are inside: a baby. Han Jisung is your wallpaper, your app icons, your inspiration, your happiness!!! You would do anything to protect Jisung and make him happy. If you ever hear your friends or loved ones talking poorly about themselves, you’re ready to jump on them and cover them in love and compliments and reassure them that they are incredible. You’re everyone’s best friend and you don’t even know it. You’re also super duper funny! This might sound odd, but you probably have a strong opinion about tiktok houses. Quick question: what’s your favorite sitcom to reference? Or what’s the tiktok audio you reference constantly for a month before forgetting it exists? 

Felix: You’re adorable. You make my fragile little heart melt. Your existence lights up the lives of everyone around you, and the brightness of your smile is rivalled only by the sun. Although you might be a little anxious sometimes, your presence is a present and everyone adores you! You’re so nice to everyone around you, and we all appreciate it. To you, Felix is your happy place. Truly, just looking at a picture of Felix makes you feel warm and cozy in the best way possible. Although you first fell in love with him for his voice, by now you understand all of his talents and charms. You’re beyond whipped for this man, but whenever asked about it, you just say “I love him” :) super cute omg. Sorry if this calls you out, but you probably went through a Dan and Phil phase, and you might even still watch them to this day, albeit without the sharpie whiskers. Stay cute, babes!

Seungmin: You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. You look like Linda Evangelista. You’re a model. Did you stone those tights? Oh, you’re smiling! ... okay but can we talk about how amazing Seungmin biased people are? Literally so nice and well mannered, and I’m not just saying that because I’m one of them. You’re sometimes really sassy and catty, but most of the time, you’re just a ball of sunshine. You’re super cute, and you’re probably obsessed with cottage core aesthetic or Sanrio characters (or both)! You probably play and instrument of some kind, or even sing a little. Maybe even draw omg you’re talentedddd. You’re also accidentally funny a lot, whether that’s from clumsiness or cuteness. Despite looking adorable, you’re uper smart and cunning, probably witty as fuck when you get into arguments, which isn’t often because you shut down the other person faster than they can think of a response. Lovely lovely lovely people!

Jeongin: You’re either a few years older than Jeongin and baby him to death or you’re a few years younger than him and you just think he’s cute (although he’s getting a lot hotter omg did you see his arms???) You can be a little quiet sometimes, but whenever you talk, it’s something mindblowingly insightful or painfully hilarious. You can be super cute when you need to get something, and only when you want something. Again, you break hearts left and right, but don’t stop. Everyone fucking loooooooves you, and your friend group will not hesitate to remind you how much they appreciate you. You have a bunch of hidden talents that only a very few amount of people know, because to you, they’re just hobbies. You’re super talented and amazing, and you don’t even know it! You’re probably very clumsy and bubbly, even when no one is around. There’s probably some Panic! at the Disco or Troye Sivan on your playlist. 

woof this was rough lol i hope this was funny to some people. reblog with how much i got right about you in the tags, cuties! :)

[save-the-spiral]

PLS PLS LIST THE SWAPS!! TELL ME ABOUT THE SIBLINGS AND ALSO HIFUMI BECAUSE I LOVE HIM (IF YOU WANT!) I will also send more questions in the morning too, excited to see what you’ve been working on!!

OK OK OK !!!!! AHH! So, before assigning talents, I swapped the pools, so for the first game, I use the talents from the second game, and vis versa! For some i listed gender, sexuality, or neurodivergencies, though this isn’t all of them, and I haven’t developed them all to the same level!

This is SO long. I didn’t even bother mentioning things like my plans for the killing games. (I have DR1 planned out in full, but only parts of DR2 and the v3 anime)

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK MY HEART SKIPPED A BEAT IN HAPPINESS WHEN I SAW I HAD NEW ASK NOTIFS!!

LIST:

Trigger Happy Havoc (first game)

Kyoko Kirigiri- Ultimate Luckster- Mastermind (: Sometimes lesbians can be evil okay! was trained as a detective like everyone in her family and didn’t get the ultimate :) she’s definitely not mad about that :) her luck cycle depends on how far she plans things ahead. her good luck is when she’s spontaneous! She hates when ‘normal’ people are accepted by ultimates.

Makoto Naegi- Photographer (Mostly wildlife and nature photography, with Sayaka helping him for some animal photography (: trans and bi <3 One of sayaka’s birds nests in his hair like all the time)

Kiyotaka Ishimaru- Ultimate Swordsman (AUTISTIC ICON, has trained in kendo since he was a kid, then was essentially given away to the Fujisaki clan by his very stressed dad. Semiverbal, rarely speaks.)

Chihiro Fujisaki- Ultimate Yakuza (Taka is her bodyguard! His family is in debt to hers, the Fujisaki clan is the most powerful in Japan. trans icon, of course, dates Sayaka! Very direct, though she’s far more delicate and polite when talking to taka, her best friend)

Sakura Oogami- Ultimate Nurse (Works as an EMT- her clan still is in martial arts, so she’s still very buff, she assists in injuries at the family dojo. Autistic Icon)

Asahina Aoi- Ultimate Gamer (ULTIMATE ADHD. streams and has a ton of fun, will ramble while breaking records, demigirl who loves her girlfriend sakura :)

Mukuro Ikusaba- Ultimate Chef (Works best with ‘cheap’ food, and making them taste good. a byproduct of growing up on the streets with junko, and junko being bored of the same old food they dug out of the trash. now works closely with junko for her teams’ nutritional needs! autistic and sapphic.)

Junko Enoshima- Ultimate Team Manager (there are SO many sports she can never get bored, and the professional scene is always changing! prefers coaching womens’ teams, because being an ultimate brings them more publicity and usually higher pay :)

Mondo Oowada- Ultimate Prince (OH MY BOY. trans adhd icon. now the crown prince of Novoselic, with a reagent in his place until he comes of age. His service dog Chuck is a maltese and an absolute sweetheart. Chihiro takes him under her wing to teach leadership. also dates taka later OF COURSE, though they’re poly and I may add more ppl to their relationship later.)

Celestia Ludenburg- Ultimate Musician (specializes in violin, most strings, though she can play any instrument. grew up poor, dedicated herself to an instrument and persona to cope)

Byakuya Togami- Ultimate Musician (Yep. two musicians. two catty trans gay icons about to throw down. they HATE each other and grew up as rivals. specialize in classical, they literally tore a professional orchestra full of grown adults apart trying to make them side with who was the best musician. they’re so good that they’re matched, and Hope’s Peak accepts them as one student and combined ultimate. they room together. they fight. Literally if one of them gets expelled, the other does too, so they’re STUCK. eventually they become literally inseparable and insufferable together like the WORST siblings. I love them.)

Sayaka Maizono- Breeder (animal handler) (Specializes in birds!!!!!! has songbirds on her shoulders all the time. will give unsettling animal facts without realizing they’re unsettling. sends her songbirds to serenade chihiro when they start dating <3)

Yasuhiro Hagakure- Gymnast (you see this tall goof who acts like an older brother to everyone and wonder HOW he’s a gymnast. he’s completely different in competitions, though still lighthearted. becomes a big brother figure to mukuro and junko especially <3 also trans bc i say so.)

Leon Kuwata- Traditional Dancer (he just. kinda hates it. it takes SO much work and effort but he takes to it naturally. his cousin kanon is NOT like in canon, instead she’s helpful. he’d literally rather be doing anything else. doesn’t know how to do anything like... basic either. can’t cook. cant do his own laundry. everything was dedicated to traditional japanese dancing before he attended HPA.)

Toko Fukawa- Engineer (writes schematics and is very good at it. gets VERY upset when her plans go wrong. her notes are orderly and perfect. host for their system!)

Syo- Mechanic (a factive of genocider syo, NOT an actual killer. she’s a protector mainly, and also is more adept at hands on skills when it comes to fixing things, her hands are less shaky. Her notes are a disaster and she does it to spite Toko.)

Hifumi Yamada- (???) (reserve course) Protagonist! My BOY. HIFUMI IS GOOD OKAY. He’s autistic and loves anime and gaming! he’s not particularly ultimate-leveled at them, or anything else! Attending Hope’s Peak as a reserve course student! At one point he joins the student council as a reserve course representative even if he’s only a freshman :) He’s also a moderator in Hina’s livestream chat, under the username of JusticeHammer, fastest ban hammer this side of the internet. He's internet friends with hina and sakura, and doesn’t realize Oh We Go To the same SCHOOL until he bumps into them. and realizes hina doesnt know what he looks like. but sakura does. its hilarious. he’s aroace, and during the year they’re locked in HPA, is in a queer platonic partnership with Hina and Sakura, while they’re dating each other. it’s great.)

Goodbye Despair! (second game)

Peko Pekoyama- Lucky student (ohohoh. her luck relies on her conviction. if she has doubts her bad luck strikes HARD. trans!, was taken in by Fuyuhiko’s family when she was a baby, grew up as just another kid in the family. They all expected Fuyu to go off to HPA on his own and then BOOM acceptance letter)

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu- Programmer (He. gets so angry while coding. He has an array of rubber ducks to talk to and work through his coding issues with. trans of course. Very protective of Peko when people say she doesn’t have a ‘real’ ultimate. ADHD and Autistic)

Sonia Nevermind- Writer (Literary Girl) (Her family immigrated to Japan when she was young! She writes a lot of serial killer novels, murder mysteries and horror and all that! Trans and bi :)

Gundham Tanaka- Detective (YEAH my guy is a detective. still talks Like That. Trans and bi and he and Sonia were kinda-dating (t4t autistic power couple in the making) when things started happening. He spends some time with his cool older sister who he looks up to a LOT. He and Sonia talk through things together a lot, they both have those red string walls, one for murder cases, another for a fictional plot lmao.)

Mahiru Koizumi- Moral Compass (my GIRL. autistic. Her morals rely a lot on people taking responsibility and being reliable, and she ends up having to work through some biases she didn’t realize she had when she arrived at HPA. Is still protective of Hiyoko, though that protectiveness is spread a bit thinner to extend to the rest of the class.)

Hiyoko Saionji- Clairvoyant!!! (HI YES I COULD TALK ABOUT HER FOR DAYS. Has actual visions in dreams and when she suddenly faints, but doesn’t really realize they’re uhh Real Visions for a WHILE. uses her status as an ultimate clairvoyant to trick and bully kids when in school for a LONG time, though her homelife wasn’t great with her grandmother trying to find ways to make her visions more consistent. SHES ALSO 12 WHEN SHE JOINS THE 77TH CLASS. she’s just so advanced in academics and her ultimate is so interesting hope’s peak cant HELP but scout her early. she has SO many issues guys no one appreciates hiyoko enough, autistic gifted kid hiyoko my beloved.)

Akane Owari- Gambler (started gambling to help out her family and Got Good at it. is very very conscious of money and food like all the time. Runs the hope’s peak betting pools once she arrives. these ultimates bet on a lot of things. she ALWAYS wins. until she doesnt!!!)

Mikan Tsumiki- Martial Artist (ohhhh Mikan. Still anxious and clumsy (though not like THAT in canon) and literally no one looks at her and thinks Oh The ULTIMATE martial artist?? it isn’t until you see her in the ring that you understand. She started learning self defense as a kid because her (bad) parents essentially said she had to rely on and protect herself and no one else would help.)

Kazuichi Souda- Pop Idol (OH TRANS ICON? he’s nervous and paranoid about Everything still, though now it’s like. oh the entire world is always watching my every move this is Okay (: has the brightest neon album eras. he literally keeps up a like. weird chad persona when interacting with people because he’s masking how hard he’s constantly just internally screaming.)

Nagito Komaeda- Soldier (AHAHAH my mans got issues problems disorder he’s a messssss, this trans guy, this absolute gay. this boy leveled a city of thousands of people with his own hands and some bombs. Still has medical issues, but most of his like. treatments and medicine is hold hostage as long as he stays in line. believes the ends justify the means and anyone who dies to him is obviously weak, because look at him! he’s weak, but that doesn’t matter because he doesn’t have to be the strongest, he just has to be stronger than the weakest scum.)

Chiaki Nanami- Heir (OOF. Agender, uses any pronouns. Doesn’t really. enjoy being the heir. grew up with Byakuya in the same circles. she treats the economy and stock market and stuff like games. enjoys gaming but isn’t good at them. collects so many things. has halls full of collections. Her parents stopped controlling her once she was able to prove she had more money than them and could literally bankrupt them if she wanted.)

Hajime Hinata- Baseball Star (Chiaki’s best friend, his family was upper middle class until he hit it BIG as a baseball star. wants to do BIG things and wants to attend hope’s peak more than anything!! Doesn’t really think of baseball as his THING, just a means to an end! trans :)

Teruteru Hanamura- Biker Gang Leader (started with shaking down some jerks who didn’t pay their food and drink tabs at his mama’s restaurant. now he RUNS their tiny town. His siblings are essentially gang mascots, he works hard to keep them out of trouble (while bringing them to like. meetings where he ends up beating a dude almost to death. its fine). most of what he does it to get more money to keep the restaurant afloat and care for his mama with her health conditions.)

Nekomaru Nidai- Fashionista (the drama. the CHAOS. most people are like ohhh we can never understand this artistic genius when he’s literally just. vibing and has ADHD and a love for coffee. Works a lot on accessible clothing lines for disabled people! Also he and Kazuichi work together sometimes, Nekomaru is good at calming Kaz down and seeing like, the root of whatever problem and making it better. ALSO A TRANS ICON and just flaunts it.)

Imposter- In the hope’s peak days they are impersonating Ryota Mitarai, as a part of the 77th class. In the Killing Game they impersonate Mondo Oowada as the Ultimate Prince. They’re doin’ their best.

Ibuki Mioda- (???) (Izuru Kamakura) Protagonist! Gundham Tanaka’s older sister (though they’re in the same school year). Nonbinary and using just. an array of pronouns alongside she/her, and jokingly fights with gundham for neopronouns like MOM said it’s MY TURN on the rawrself pronouns. She attends the reserve course to stay at her brother’s side. She dresses loudly and acts even louder because !!! she wants to stand out!! in the middle of this drab reserve course hell!!  but when things go down, she wants to be someone, to be worthy of being her amazing brother’s big sister. so she accepts some offers.

NON-KILLING GAME:

Ryota Mitarai- Ultimate Analyst (stays in his room. He’s terrified of the outside world but fascinated by it. watches hope’s peak academy through security feeds, picking up on little details. he just wants to understand things but never looks at the big picture.)

Chisa Yukizome- Ultimate Boxer (Homeroom teacher!! She’s working really hard and believes in everyone! Some are intimidated by talent, but she’s never hurt anyone outside of the ring! Dating Kyosuke)

Juzo Sakakura- Ultimate Student Council President (Has anger issues, though his work at reigning them in assisted in becoming an Ultimate. Was responsible for security and the Hope’s Peak student council. Dating Kyosuke)

Kyosuke Munakata- Ultimate Housekeeper (Meticulous, works himself to the BONE even if he’s good enough to not have to do that. Is working on establishing another Hope’s Peak! Dating Chisa and Jozu!!!)

Seiko Kimura- Ultimate Blacksmith (GIVE MY GIRL KNIVES!! She’s an anxious gal, always wearing a facemask that filters the air in her forge because she has some respiratory problems. she prefers making more decorative pieces like an artist, but sometimes can create utilitarian pieces or tools to fit specific needs. Still a doormat)

Ruruka Ando- Ultimate Pharmacist (She constantly asks Seiko for new tools for her developments in medicine, saying its all for the advancement of humanity, so Seiko denying any request is SELFISH, though she never thinks to make anything for seiko’s health issues. Dating Izayoi. Specializes in medicine for mental health. Not Doing Great :)

Sonosuke Izayoi- Ultimate Confectioner (He loves sweets. LOVES them. Creates things that look plain, ordinary. but taste so GOOD you CRY and maybe ascend for a little bit. sometimes Ando makes cool new drugs to put in the sweets, who knows! It’s a mystery! He always has like. a huge refrigerated case of fresh cakes, and constantly has a lollipop in his own specialty recipe in his mouth.)

[el-oh-her]

Barbie Movies That Are More Relevant Than You Think

1. Barbie’s Princess and the Pauper 

> The Big Thing: Shows a realistic representation of 1st world problems and 3rd world Problems coexisting. Annalise is a princess in an arranged marraige and Erika is an indentured servent, both looking to esacpe, but are determined to overcome these issues. They acknowledge that they have differerent problems but are both struggling in their own right. It’s important to know that they don’t wish they were someone else, they just wish they could escape their personal struggles. 

> Women supporting women! 

> Female Leads that are friends and aren’t catty towards each other 

> Annalise and Erika talk about things other than boys, althrough an arranged marraige is a plot point and all boy talk is really about that particular plot point. 

> “Duty is doing the things your heart may well regret” is the most badass line in exsitance, okay? 

> The Princess loved science. 

2. Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princessess 

> The Big Thing: This story is about extremism and the dangers of a binary system. In this case, it’s Law vs Chaos, and unregulated freedom of expression vs overregulated conformity. The 12 are unruly and chaotic and uncaring about their royal status which causes strain on the kingdom and they are super unprepared for royal life. The antagonist comes in, strips the color and the fun and is all rules and control and is trying to teach them how to be “proper ladies” which is also done in an extreme. Neither of these are right, and in the end the girls use their unique interests to save their father, and they acknowledge they should behave better and be prepared for royal life. They essentially find their middle way. 

> Realistic siblings. No one calls the other “sister” 

> Lacy, the frail sister, is never treated poorly by her sisters despite the fact she causes a few issues in the plot. Super supportive sisters. 

> LI isn’t a prince. He’s a shoemaker. 

> There’s an assassination attempt in this one! It technically succeeds. Really good show on adult topics in a children’s movie. 

> Power and Corruption are thematic here with the villain. 

3. Barbie’s Mariposa

> The Big Thing: This one is about destorying an entire society for personal gain and power. If you’re American, you’d understand why THIS is super relevant. The queen is bring poisoned and is the life source for all the lights, and those lights are what protect faeries from the monsters in the dark. The Big Bad Guy plans to take the throne with these monsters as her minions, promising them they can eat faeries. She will destory this land to gain the throne, and she doesn’t care who dies along the way. 

> Has a Cinderella vibe to it. Good rendition 

> Two First World Entittled rich faries are humbled through the journey, and learn to be king and selfless despite starting with selfish intentions. GROWTH. 

> Skeezite is a funny word. 

> ACCENTS. I think they’re all Spanish, but can’t confirm. The only Barbie movie that didn’t do British Accents, I’m pretty sure. Vocal Diversity is 10/10 

4. Barbie Fairytopia Series 

> The Big Thing: DISABILITY IN A FANTASY WORLD DONE WELL. Like holy shit the plot is the Big Bad is commiting bio-terrorism by poisoning the air that affects all faeries except for Elina because she was born without wings. DISABILITY BECOMING THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE YOU. YES. She does  get wings at the end, but I always saw it as a prostetic because if she lost her necklace she lost her wings. And in a later movie she has to trade them away to save someone. 

> Bibble is valid 

> This series does the “girl who doesn’t fit in” trope well because Elina is constantly seen as the girl who doesn’t fit in. In the first movie she’s the girl without wings, in the second she’s the faerie, not a mermaid (Nori gets mean towards her because the mermaid prince wanted a fairy to save him or someting like that), and in the last one, I’m pretty sure she’s sort of regarded as the charity case. I can’t remember exactly, so don’t quote me. Either way, Elina is the most relateable Barbie character for people who struggle fitting in wherever they go because Elina never fits in at first (but it’s a barbie movie, so you know, acceptance and stuff) 

> This marks the third movie on this list with an assassination attempt for power. Power #Corrupts 

> Good overcoming narrative. Elina survives all her trials towards being accepted in society. 

5. Barbie as the Island Princess

> The Big Thing: This one is tricky because Barbie is a white character, and that is a valid critique for this one. However, the topic is handled well despite this fault due to the movie’s context. This one is about a status quo society and their treatment towards a different “Cultural” upbringing. Ro grew up on an island alone outside of society and talks to animals. She has an entire different set of values and beliefs. Her curiosity sets her off into a populated civilzation and a big part of the movie is the Prince Character making genuine efforts to help her adapt and make her comfortable for what she is used to, and the rest of the society relegating her to a barbarian. She struggles trying to fit in to a society that wants her to adapt to their society, but refuses to make any adaptions to hers. Her not being from there is eventually what saves the day, which is a healthy message that differnet people learn the world differnetly, and these cultures can meet and interact and help each other without forcing one to obliterate itself. Ro doesn’t stay in that society. She goes off sailing with the prince character, a happy medium from her island roots and desire to be around other people. 

> ANOTHER assassination attempt. 

> Big Bad has a daughter she’s trying to marry to the Prince, but the daughter doesn’t love him and is happy that he finds love. she and Ro are friends. 10/10 Women supporting women. 

> Ro’s cultural roots are celebrated a lot. It’s nice! 

> Prince never puts Ro in a corner to change, from what I remember. He guides her through what she’s willing to do, and helps accomidate her with that makes her uncomfortable (sleeps in the greenhouse,for example). 10/10 m8

6. Barbie and the Diamond Castle

> The Big Thing: The catalyst of this movie is Liana and Alexa’s lively hood being destoryed by a storm, and now homeless and jobless, they end up questing with a magic mirror to save Melody and the other trapped Muses. Alexa is hesitant and even gives up to stay in a Lotus Casino type place because there’s food and shelter there. There’s a heavy value on having enough to eat, and having a place to live. Displacement and poverty, I guess is the right word for this. 

> Okay so I heard around that Alexa and Liana are queer coded based on their dress colors in the final scene matching the Lesbian and Bisexual Flag and I stan that because honestly, Barbie need some gay. 

> The Will Sing For Food scene hits differently than any other scene in Barbie Movies. It’s just such a real thing. 

7. Barbie and the Three Musketeers 

> The Big Thing: Sexsim. This one is very on the nose of “women can’t do this.” and then Barbie adn Co proves them wrong!! 

> I am pretty sure there are SEVERAL assasination attempts in this one. 

> “Release the Fireworks!!” is carved into my mind. 

> The Master Trainer is an old lady maid. Cool trope subversion. 

Honestly, people who cry about adult themes in their kids movies need to watch these movies. Did you notice how many ASSASSINATIONS happen in these movies? SO MUCH ASSASSINATION. 

These movies are deeper and more complex than given credit for. I can admit that Barbie’s early movies didn’t do great with racial representation, but we can also praise them for accomplishing their aim of empowering young girls as much as they did. 

I can’t say much for mordern Barbie since that’s not my era. Perhaps someone else can comment about that better than I can. 

TL;DR: Barbie movies deal with adult themes in a child friendly setting and they are well done and you should go watch them and see how much deeper and complex these movies can be. 

A Barbie Movie I DO NOT STAN: Princess and the Pop Star. That movie is “Two whiny girls hate their privlaged life and wish they were someone else’s privlaged life and I guess help the poor” It’s not good. You can enjoy the bops it produced, but that movie is INSANELY Problomatic. 

[kogo-dogo]

i like your skyrim stuff and i wanna know more about the funky little dudes you posted in those “sentences” lol. instead of asking for more snips

You have made a mistake. Prepare for an essay.

But, joking aside, they’re Morrowind characters. I do like Skyrim, but Morrowind is my favorite game of all time and the entire reason I got into the TES fandom years ago. I don’t talk about it much on here because everyone is here for Half-Life and HRV, but... you know what? I’mma take this opportunity. To yell.

About The Guys(tm).

So, basically, in my Personal Canon, I don’t just have a Nerevarine (i.e. Protagonist) character. I have an entire crew of people who help him get through things because it just seems... more realistic for my Extremely Flawed and Terrible Nerevarine. Also, I just had a lot of characters conjured up as a teenager and it was fun to evolve it over time so they’re all friends.

They are, as follows:

- Jo’Karsa (a.k.a. “Karsaga”). Battlemage born under the Atronach. Afflicted with Wombburn. Also the Nerevarine. He’s an abnormally large Cathay-raht who has had an unusual upbringing. He was originally an orphan plucked off the streets in Corinthe and trafficked to Morrowind where he was sold as a slave. As fate would have it, a houseman under his owner took a shine to him and stole him away when they fled to Cyrodiil to avoid political assassination. Karsaga has been raised Telvanni in Imperial territory so, despite being a mighty brute of a Khajiit, he has an extreme affinity for magic and an equally extreme disconnect from his Khajiiti roots.

He speaks like a Dunmer, carries himself like a Dunmer, and has very Telvanni sensibilities. He also has an extensive criminal record from his time spent as a bandit outside of Cheydinhal, and that is eventually how he ends up on the prison boat that sends him to Morrowind. He has a bunch of aliases and an unhealthy penchant for drink and smoke. Not a fan of skooma, though. As gruff and sarcastic as he is, he has a very silver tongue and a way of winning people over and talking himself out of trouble.

Also, “youth born under a certain sign?” Nah, this bitch is 34. And smells like a wet dog.

- Dasrazel. Altmer Nightblade and Quarra vampire. He contracted his vampiric curse while trying to save his lover from the clutches of an undead menace during the Second Era, after a life working various quasilegal oddjobs that brought shame on his noble family. In life, he was a likeable but lowkey individual, and in undeath he’s still very lowkey... but perhaps not as likeable. He has to take a low dose of a calming potion to keep the inherent, violent bloodlust of his Quarra curse at bay, and it does a lot to deaden his emotions. Combine that with hundreds of years to learn how to not give a fuck, and you have a very blunt, stoic, matter-of-fact creature who only very occasionally makes quips and usually just wants to be left alone.

He is Karsaga’s closest ally, right hand man, and platonic soulmate. They met after Karsaga robbed him blind at a bar (thinking him to just be some weird, frail elf), and Dasrazel took pity on him after Karsaga ran him through with an iron saber and panicked when it... did nothing. Their bond is one of a mutual distaste for most people and Dasrazel’s desire to have companionship again.

They’re very much bros, even if Dasrazel spends most of his time not understanding why Karsaga is the way he is.

-  Neira Brenur. Dunmer Witchhunter and low-ranking member of House Redoran. She’s the daughter of a Camonna Tong member and an Ashlander woman, though her mother is dead and she spends a lot of time trying to distance herself from her racist father. She joined Redoran in hopes of atoning for the crime of just being born into a bad family, but has a really difficult time fitting in. She’s very meek and empathetic and does better in controlled duels than actual combat. The idea of actually hurting an opponent makes her sick to her stomach.

She kind of just happened to Karsaga one day, courtesy of him running afoul of her not-so-popular friend, Vandrith (we’ll get to that trainwreck later). She mainly acts as a translator for Vandrith and tries to play mediator when Karsaga starts getting too aggressive with others. She’s in good with some odd folks in Redoran and a very aggressive supporter of the Tribunal Temple, which makes it hard for her to wrap her mind around Karsaga’s existence as the Nerevarine.

Also, the fact she’s an absolute pushover means she just accepts the less-than-savory people Karsaga pals around with. She’s got a big heart and feels actual pity for his blasphemous, undead, and criminal friends. They’re good people on the inside (probably).

- Vandrith Valen. Dunmer Ordinator and conglomeration of a lot of factors coming together in the worst way possible. He is naturally “blessed by Azura” and has some degree of prophetic power, though he’s choked it down after a life of being raised Indoril. He also came to the unfortunate realization after being stationed on Vvardenfell, that he is also a descendant of House Dagoth and is haunted by the Poison Song, a “song” sent out by Dagoth Ur that warps the minds of those who are of his blood and turns them into Sleepers and Dreamers.

These two traits do not mesh well and make Vandrith more than a little unstable.

Vandrith is... prone to erratic behavior and violent outbursts and is largely under the care of his paternal uncle, Tuls Valen, the head priest of the Ald’ruhn Temple. Vandrith is also a clever and tricky bastard who has been trying to figure out how to discern Dagoth Ur’s plans from the Poison Song in order to prevent bad things from happening. Usually, he can keep things under control, but extremely bad visions, close proximity to items/places corrupted by House Dagoth, and stress can cause him to be difficult.

Beyond this, though, he’s not what you’d expect from an Ordinator. He’s very witty with a somewhat bawdy sense of humor, a very devil-may-care attitude, and he’s a huge fan of causing mischief. He forced his way into Karsaga’s social circle due to his absolute certainty that Karsaga could bring down Dagoth Ur, and Neira is his closest (and for a long time only) friend, who has figured out what all of his weird ramblings mean.

- Bashinga. Sorceress and Aundae vampire. She is an old acquaintance of Dasrazel’s who has ties to Telvanni, the Mage’s Guild, and several circles of warlocks and witches. She’s very much a self-serving sort, more interested in the acquisition of power than the wellbeing of Morrowind, but she is fiercely protective of the people she deems worthy (and she has a soft spot for Neira she can’t really explain).

Once upon a time, she was a dancer and performer with a traveling circus, and her fall into undeath and wizardry was a happy accident after being taken as cattle by rogue Aundae. She’s got a good set of vocal cords and can move with grace and ease, but she speaks very bitterly a lot of the time and is difficult to get along with.

She’s one of those people who Karsaga immediately took a shine to because they both like to sit around and bitch about people. Dasrazel and Bashinga mostly get along by the time-honored tradition of “two very gay individuals being catty at each other as a sign of affection, though outsiders would think they hate one another.”

- Jai Swift-Fly. Cathay assassin and member of the Morag Tong. She was born and raised in Elsweyr in a more tribal environment, and is an old friend of Vandrith’s (odd, considering they met because she took a grey writ to knock him off and, instead, he knocked her out). She mostly comes into the fold because Karsaga needed somebody to break into the Ministry of Truth to free Mehra Milo, and she came highly recommended (by Vandrith; Vandrith recommended her). 

She’s a married mother of two, is big and strong and very proud of being big and strong, and a crack shot with a bow. She’s also deaf as hell and communicates through a series of homebrew gestures. Her decision to stick around and help Karsaga after completing the job she was hired to do stems primarily from her extreme curiosity. She has no stake in the Nerevarine Prophecy or this group of losers, but by god does she want to see what it looks like when a god dies.

Fun fact: Jai is dead by the events of Skyrim, but two of her descendants remain. Shevah and J’Rakka. They’re a brother-and-sister duo. Shevah is as much of a curious, troublemaking adventurer as her so-many-greats grandmother. J’Rakka is a werewolf who mostly hunts bounties to make a living.

- Dravyn Telvayn (no picture of him, sorry D:). Dunmer assassin and member of the Morag Tong. Former highwayman and current Berne vampire. Husband of Jai and perpetually confused, mainly over the fact he has kids with Jai and... well, every book he’s read has indicated that that should be impossible for a variety of reasons. He lives in the sewers of the Arena canton in Vivec City and is allowed work in the Morag Tong due to his efficacy at eliminating very high risk targets, though he’s basically “on his own” if he ever gets caught. They’re sure as fuck not giving him writs of execution to present to guards when the Tong could end up fucked over if their relationship with a vampire gets out.

He’s mostly in the background and tags along due to his extreme dedication to Jai. He doesn’t get along with hardly anyone but her, though he is the one who coined the term “Council of Accidents” in relation to him, Dasrazel, and Bashinga. He feels a loose kinship with them in that they’re all members of different vampire clans, but all members whose sires want nothing to do with them, rendering them outcasts. Even after the events of Morrowind, he keeps in infrequent contact with the others. 

After Jai’s death, he acts as a weird “ancestral guardian” to his own descendants. As of the time of Skyrim, he spends most of his time trying to keep Shevah from getting killed. He is very tired. She is a lot.

[tfw-no-tennis]

continuted hxh thotz

we watched more so i continue my ramblings 

so we finished the trick tower stuff and started on the stuff on the island where theyre all hunting each other....wow finally some hunting in hunter x hunter 

can i just say....fuck hisoka i hate that guyyyy oh my goddddd hes the worst. i just feel incandescent rage whenever hes on screen vhbjdshfjhbsd smarmy horny clown bitch. looooord. he invokes a similar emotion to part 1 dio tbh....like i lose my domestication when i see both those bitches 

oh god that part where hisoka had just spent like hours de-hornifying himself or w/e and he looks all crusty and dehydrated and then he spots that old guy who looks kinda ghibli and he just goes AFTER ghibli man....like hisoka literally had one of those wack ass super detailed faces and just started screaming and running at that guy...like man i wouldve died instantly on the spot. jesus 

gon remains best best perfect baby boy. every time he does something so cute and pure that my heart starts palpating, i get even more nervous for the shit hes gonna go thru someday 

gon and killua are literally soooo precious theyre just two lil boys!!! two lads!!! lad boys! augh i love how much theyre vibing all the time...like on the boat to the island when theyre like refusing to tell each other who their target is and then they both start laughing and then show each other....so precious

honestly im really enjoying how they dont really have a rivalry (yet?) - theyre not like ‘yes we are friends but we’re also COMPETING! so we cant be That nice to each other bc that wouldnt be fair! or w/e you know that typical shounen stuff. i only enjoy that sometimes and im glad its not a thing rn, and if it does become like that later i probs wont mind bc i feel like itd be done well 

so ruth and i caught on to the fact that that weird guy with the pins stuck all over himself was illuminati or w/e his name is (illumi? illumini? i forget already) but HOLY FUCK we both thought he was wearing a mask....god i wish that were the case, that face transformation shit was the WORST. sir why can you do that 

also when hisoka just watched this and was like ‘i always like seeing you do that’ or whatever god gross nasty i hate them

my take on the little we’ve seen of hisoka and illumitations relationship: theyre like the catty mean girls-types but Super Fucking Weird. idk if theyre gay togther (probably) but theyd be the epitome of a ‘is this allowed? [gestures at All That]’ couple. i had more thoughts on them but i forgt 

i find it funny that they havent shown killua like at all during this island hunting thing hvbhsdhfbjdk he probably has like 10 randos badges already. i feel like he would give gon a badge or 2 if gon needed them but that doesnt seem to be the case 

when hisoka spotted leorio and kurapika and went after them i was like [guy yelling NOOOOOOOOOOO meme] freal 

thank goodness kurapika could recognize that they would Fucking Die trying to fight hisoka, and bargained w/him instead. also seeing the flashback of leorio trying to fight hisoka was so funny. my man WHAT! were you thinking 

this is probably the stage that tonpa is getting out on and can i just say thank god i hate that guy. good riddance 

that sniper lady looked cool and im bummed illuminty took her out offscreen :( i also thought the black guy with the beehive stick thing was gonna do more but guess not

i find it funny that so many characters have these loud character designs but end up not having a lot of screentime...i feel like ive been conditioned by one piece to see an eye-catching character and mentally prepare to see a wholeass backstory lol

also. illunikn is clearly a huge freak which is probably why hisoka is willing to work w/him, but his design is weirdly cute sometimes (when hes not doing absolutely freaky shit, which....admittedly isnt often)

like the part where he transforms into his True Cat Man Form and then, without changing expression, digs a giant hole with his bare hands (with the body language of a feral person) and then gets into it to nap.....like.....bro. 

also ik illiminini is killuas brother (i think brother?) and wow that family has some strong Cat genes 

i find it interesting that hisoka has been working with illiimini this whole time, hisoka strikes me as a solo type of guy who would be all like ‘teamwork is beneath me’ and only have minions (a la dio, espec p1 dio) but he seems to have a fairly even relationship w/illuimian which is wild. i rlly wonder if thatll last or if hisoka is gonna like, murder/abandon ilubimi later bc he ‘gets in hisokas way’ or st 

i like that kurapika and leorio teamed up....married

i generally really like how the relationships between the main characters are handled, its sweet how theyre just like....generally nice to each other and stuff lol 

also oh my god i forgot that last time i hadnt seen the end of trick tower i need to talk abt that 

KILLUA MY BOY OH MY GOD....ive been waiting for this ngl. ily smug murderous catboy

i love so much how killua casually kills this ~*~scary guy~*~ and everyones like :0 but gon is just like yep thats killua! hes from a family of assassins! like the way he says it so casually and kinda cheery aw i love him. he doesnt even care that killua can murder people in 2 seconds flat, he thinks killua is AWESOME 

and oh my god i love how hard killua is trying like, all the time. he is trying his HARDEST to be AS COOL AS POSSIBLE for gon and thats adorable. its working too gon clearly thinks killua is SUPER cool 

the eternally hilarious part where kurapika asked what killuas secret tactic are re: ripping that guys heart out, and killua is just like ‘uh i just ripped it out. yknow...as one does..’ and kurapika is like wow im glad this murder catboy is on our side.. 

the psychology stuff in the trick tower was interesting as hell (catch me brushing off my psych minor like, oh yeah i know abt this stuff lol)...i like the stuff abt leorio getting discouraged/disgruntled when the majority ended up being against him a lot bc thats true!! thats how it works!! it leads to learned helplessness and stuff like that...also that animation of kurapika and leorio playing cards to explain the tough candle choice was sooo cute 

i really loved the solution to the final majority rule things....ingeniously following the rules while still managing to circumvent them in ways...love it

also gon is so perfect have i mentioned that already

im so curious whos gonna pass the hunter exam, i legit have no idea and i would find it so funny if gon becomes a hunter in the first goddamn arc hjhbdfhsdjbgk as ruth said, itd kinda be like luffy becoming pirate king in like chapter 70

i mean tbf if i had to guess id say gon passes, simply bc i cant see the story taking the time to have him do the hunter exam again in a year. also his motivation is to become a hunter in order to see what its all about bc of his dad - not JUST to become a hunter 

gons fishing rod is so cute. perfect item for a perfect boy 

his training was adorable. hes a smart lad! formidable baby 

the blooderflies were so cool and OH MY GOD how could i forget the part where gon had two blooderflies with little leashes on and had the leashes tied to one of his fingers....OOOUGHHHHGBSJFHSJBFUHEJKSDD bro my heart literally palpated like it does when my cat does something rlly cute, gon is seriously That cute and pure and good

every time hisoka is anywhere near gon i just wanna call the FBI on that clowns ass oh y god. pls leave ladboy alone....

anyways i love the main characters (HISOKA DONT INTERACT) and i cant wait to see what happens next. i might have more thoughts but coherency is not one of my strengths so bye

[elareine]

In the shallows

Chapters: 1/6 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, some swearing Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd Characters: Tim Drake, Donna Troy Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, NO CAPES, Identity Porn, Romantic Comedy, Drama & Romance, Texting, Online Dating AO3: /18803473

Summary: Jason Todd is a rock star... and an asshole. Dick Grayson has to do a movie with him. Luckily, there's this cute guy he's started texting recently.

Jason Todd was a rock star.

Yeah, exactly. Now, Dick had worked with some… less than talented people on set before. He’d made his debut in dance movies, for God’s sake, of course not everyone had been ready to play Hamlet.

But a total newbie? Never been on stage or on a movie set before? Dick really wished the producers had consulted him about that before making the decision. They hadn’t even done a chemistry test.  

Okay, sure, it was a blockbuster movie about an interracial gay couple. Funding wouldn’t come easy. If the names ‘Richard Grayson’ and ‘Jason Todd’ had to be attached to make the money happen, they would be. And Dick knew Tim Drake, the executive producer, well enough to trust him with this. Tim wouldn’t have cast Jason if he thought it’d be a total shit show.

The thing was - the script was beautiful. The writers had really poured their hearts into it, and it showed. Dick had almost forgotten to read it from an actor’s perspective, he’d been so engrossed. By the end, blinking away tears, he had texted his agent that he would do it before going on a run to shake some of the heaviness away.

It wasn’t like there was a sad ending, exactly. Dick wouldn’t have taken anything with a ‘bury your gays’ feel to it. It was just… it made him feel a lot, this script.

He wanted to do it justice. Hopefully, Jason Todd wouldn’t be the one to drag them all down.

Dick sighed and looked at the script in front of him again. Specifically, at the part marked: ‘Vano: [singing]…’

The other worry he had was quite the opposite from his first. At least Jason Todd didn’t have to worry about singing. Dick had heard his songs as much as anyone could without actively seeking them out, which was to say all the time and everywhere. Jason had been around for years at this point; it didn’t seem likely that his popularity would be abating any time soon.

(When he wasn’t busy critiquing Jason’s casting, Dick could freely admit that his songs were pretty great. They always gave him that on-the-road-looking-for-freedom feeling that he loved. He might be following Jason on Spotify, even, but shush.)

Dick, however… well. He’d been taking singing lessons ever since he’d moved into closer consideration for this role. His vocal coach attested him with enough skills for the songs he’d seen so far. He’d gotten the accent of his character down to pat, too, even when singing and screaming. Still, compared to Jason Todd…

And they would be singing duets.

Giving up on his concentration for the evening, Dick decided to just go for a run. He was already pretty sure he wouldn’t sleep tonight, but exhaustion might help.

It didn’t really. Dick slept like shit and then had to deal with the worst traffic he’d ever seen (and he’d lived in New York for years). He barely made it in time. Tim was already waiting for him outside the lot. That was a sure sign he was getting ready to herd Dick exactly where he needed to be as quickly as possible.

Tim greeted him with a friendly wave. “Hi, Dick, welcome on set! Kate is over at the sound studio, but she’ll be here any minute to start the read-through.”

“Thanks, Tim. Good to see you.” Dick refrained from hugging him only because he knew the younger man preferred it that way on set. “Sorry, I wanted to be here early. I seriously underestimated LA traffic.”

“Yes, I expected that. Just plan in enough time from now on, okay?”

“Of course, Tim.”

Tim sighed. “We’ll see, I guess.”

They entered the building together. Tim guided him towards a smaller meeting room. Jason Todd was already there, sitting in the small circle of chairs. There would be a full cast reading tomorrow; today it was pretty much only Kate, Jason and Dick with the producers.

Dick’s first thought was that he hadn’t expected Jason to look so… soft. He was used to the torn jeans and t-shirt look he rocked in his videos. The knitted sweater he was wearing didn’t exactly fit that image.

The smirk on his face, however, did.

Dick mentally steeled himself. Here we go. He held out his hand. “Hi, Jason. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Hi, Dick.” Jason’s handshake was firm without being too crushing. “Sorry we couldn’t meet up before. I’m pretty literally just coming back from a World Tour.”

Oh, great. Bragging.

“No worries. It’s good to get this started now.” He looked pointedly at the script in Jason’s hand. If Jason had just been on a world tour… “Did you get any time to prepare?”

“I’ll know my lines if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“It’s kind of about more than that.” Okay, that came out catty. “Like, the music, for example.”

Jason seemed to perk up at that. “Oh, yeah, that’s done. I did send the tapes of some suggestions to Kate. But we’ll workshop together, see what you think first.”

Dick would’ve preferred it if Jason had just presented him with finished sheet music and a tape he could imitate, honestly. He had no idea if he had any musical input to offer. And how did you workshop music, anyway? He’d done that with scenes before (though Kate wasn’t the type to welcome a lot of input from her actors beforehand), even settings, but music?

“Sure. Yeah. Let’s do that.” He tried to smile. “I’m looking forward to hearing what you came up with.”  

It was probably a good thing Kate entered the room at that moment, introducing herself again and bidding them to start the read-through.

Dick usually lost himself in a performance pretty easily. Even in a read-through, it only meant that he focused even more on letting every emotion shine through his voice.

Vano was pretty unlike Dick himself. Sensitive, shy, in desperate need of approval (okay, that one Dick could relate to) and unsure. Dick found it interesting how his character was juxtaposed with his actions. Vano was so, so afraid; yet he let himself be swept up in a whirlwind romance and even ended up the one pursuing Jason’s character when everything seemed to fall apart. His courage, in the end, was as quiet as it was present. Dick was determined to do him right.

So he concentrated on developing his voice further. He wanted it to be recognisably different from Jason’s character, but also harmonious.

Still, he couldn’t help but judge Jason’s performance.

He wasn’t bad. Honestly, this wasn’t a great script for a read-through - a lot of stuff went unsaid between the two main characters. So a little wooden-ness was expected. Dick was a bit annoyed at the way he stumbled over lines sometimes as if he was reading them for the first time, though. Unprepared partners were the worst.

Afterwards, Kate didn’t look happy. Her first critique was voluminous, including more background notes on their characters and a very detailed rundown of what had sucked about their dialogue. Ah, well. Dick didn’t mind. She wasn’t known to be a coddler.

She complimented Dick on his excellent accent, though. He thought Jason (who spoke in his own accent, or at least the one he always used in interviews and stuff) looked a bit sour at that, which pissed Dick off. He’d worked hard for this, okay. He was actually a trained and studied actor, despite what some people might think.

It also made him wary of the months ahead. Jealousy on set wasn’t cool, even if it was purely professional.

“Tomorrow we’ll go through the script scene by scene and talk through your suggestions. Is there anything fundamental you’d like to say now?” Kate asked.

Dick shook his head. This was honestly one of the best scripts he’d ever read, and he trusted her direction fully. Jason seemed to hesitate, but then he followed suit.  

Dick spent some time after talking with some of the crew members that were setting up the sets. He knew some of them from previous movie sets - Tim liked to reward good work with more, better-paid work - and was glad to chit-chat about their careers and families.

Still, Jason seemed to take his time, too. They arrived at the parking lot at about the same time.

“Can I give you a ride?” Dick offered when he noted that Jason was looking a bit lost.

“I’m actually here on my bike,” Jason said, pointing at a frankly gorgeous machine, black, sleek and utterly pretentious.

Dick mentally snorted. Of course he was. Rock star and all that

His own family sized van didn’t match up to that, but honestly, who cared.

“Okay. See you tomorrow, then.”

Jason didn’t even say goodbye, just waved. Dick was tired of him already.

When he entered the house he’d rented for the year, Dick headed straight for his studio and dropped down onto the mat. He needed a proper stretching after today and couldn’t quite face this house yet.

Mostly he was happy with it. It was spacious, including his own dance studio and a pool, and not too far away from the Wayne Brothers lot, but he was able to keep it up without no personnel beyond a cleaner and the occasional garden hand.

Days like these, it was a bit… lonely.

He would have been better off staying with his friend Donna Troy. She’d offered, after all. Dick had thought he would need some quiet to focus on this part, not to mention a room where he could practice his singing parts without annoying the shit out of everyone.

It was just that he wasn’t made for the quiet. His head got too loud when he wasn’t exercising. Usually, he filled that space by concentrating on his current role; he wasn’t precisely method but slipping into someone else’s headspace had always come easy to him. Today, though, that was exactly what he wanted to get away from.

He briefly toyed with the idea of going out and picking someone up. Getting laid worked better than pretty much anything else for him.

Except that wasn’t exactly what he wanted, either.  

Look. It wasn’t as if Dick had problems meeting people. The opposite, really. Dick knew he had a good body, okay, and he was charming enough.

He wanted something else, though. He wanted to get to know someone without them already knowing (or thinking they knew) everything about him. He wanted to be sure someone actually liked him for himself. He wanted someone to call in the evenings when he came home from set. Someone to come home to.

Dick sighed and re-arranged his limbs into a backstretch.

People wished for this kind of things all the time. He was just being silly. His mother would’ve straight up laughed at him if he went to her complaining about the drawbacks of fame, a profession he loved and obscene amounts of money.

Dropping his hips open and leaning into that delicious burn, he took out his phone and texted Donna: Going out and getting laid, yes or no? Any bar tips?

The answer was immediate.

Donna: Honey just use tinder like the rest of us

 …Why not.

 Donna: That was a joke.

 Donna: But go ahead I guess.

Thinking about it, Dick finished his routine and headed upstairs to change into some comfy sweats, then back down to the kitchen. A bowl of cereal wasn’t exactly a glamorous meal for a movie star - but neither were Dick’s cooking skills.

Grabbing a beer, he plopped down on his couch and gave in. At least the tinder app was free on the app store. Going through the set-up motions, he hit the next snag, though.

What do I use as a profile picture??? I can’t show my face on this, can I?

Donna: Use your abs

Donna: no wait

Donna: Your butt

Donna: Or maybe that’s too recognisable. Abs it is.

Dick chuckled.

  …Thanks I think.

For a second he considered just cutting something out of a promo pic or one of his dozens of semi-nude photoshoots, but who the fuck knew how well Google would be able to match these up. Dick wasn’t going to risk the headline ‘Actor famous for starring in romances is looking for hook-up on tinder’ (though of course TMZ would be far pithier than that) just for his vanity.

Though he did find some shots that hadn’t ever been released and cropped his face out of one of these. That would do. As for his username… he went with the hero of the first movie he’d ever starred in and combined that with his year of birth once the system informed him the name was taken.

After a brief hesitation, he set his sexual preferences to ‘all genders’.

Finally, everything was set up. Dick settled down to check out some hot singles in his area.

Sadly, the selection wasn’t that great. Especially with the dudes. Dick was sure that about half of them were either a decade older or younger than they pretended to be. The women were clearly better at taking selfies, too.  

It was possibly the wrong time to be picky. Dick wasn’t usually - a good smile was pretty much all it took on a good day. But hey, he had just spent the day in the company of the hottest rock star the 21st century had produced so far. Every mortal would have difficulty competing with that.

(Not with Jason’s personality though. Easily bottom 20% material there. Urgh. Dick was trying to forget about that.)

After that thought, he swiped right a few times. So far, no one had matched with him, but that was fine. He had just signed up, after all.

Then, finally, came a pic that stood out.

Funnily enough, this profile pic was as profile-less as Dick’s. All it showed was a bare back. It was mirror shot, probably, but with none of the glariness of the other pictures. The guy’s skin was almost as tanned as Dick’s, but what caught his eyes was the sheer endless mass of muscles it stretched across.

Dick swiped right.

A message appeared on the screen. ‘You matched with Rock_n_Rumble, 29’.

He switched apps and texted Donna again: There’s a cute guy! We matched! But I can’t just go meet up with him, can I? Wally would kill me

Donna: you genuinely just thought of that???

Yes^^’

Donna: Stop trying to make manga emojis happen again, Dick

Donna: Just… talk to him, flirt a bit; maybe it’ll be ok

Donna: This is    LA after all

Donna: Or he’ll just send you a dick pic

Donna: I do not want to know if either of these possibilities occurs.

I will describe everything that happens in explicit, excruciating detail.  

Dick switched back to tinder and pressed ‘OK’. A chatroom opened. He stared at the entry field for a long second, pondering how to start the conversation. He’d never felt the need for chat up lines before. Honesty and friendliness had always worked best for him. Hopefully, that would translate over into the Internet.

Nightwing86: Hi

Rock_n_Rumble: Hi.

This was where Dick would usually make a comment about the venue they were at or the way the other person looked, but… how did you compliment someone’s bare back without sounding like a total creep?

As he watched the seconds tick by without either of them writing anything, he realised that oh. Rock_n_Rumble wasn’t exactly in a better situation. Oh well, there was nothing for it then.

Nightwing86:  With a body like that - what on Earth are you doing on this site?

Rock_n_Rumble: Shouldn’t I ask you the same thing?

Rock_n_Rumble: Musician, ex-addict, grew up in New York - and also shit at flirting, in case you didn’t notice. Should I continue with that list? 

Nightwing86: Eh, you’re doing fine.

He was. Dick kinda dug the self-deprecating sarcasm. And at least he had something to work with now.

Nightwing86: Musician?

Rock_n_Rumble: I’m a guitarist

Nightwing86: Oh, you’re in a band?

Rock_n_Rumble: Kind of

Rock_n_Rumble: Nothing fixed, but I go on tour a lot. Weird staying in one place for work right now

He must be recording an album then. Considering that good guitarists in LA were like sand at a beach, Dick mentally re-evaluated the fame level of his conversation partner.

Nightwing86: I get that; I travel for work a lot too  

Rock_n_Rumble: What do you do?

Dick considered lying, but honestly, what was the point? And anyway, they were in LA. There were thousands of people calling themselves actors here.

Nightwing86: I’m an actor.

Rock_n_Rumble: oh cool. Film or theatre?  

Nightwing86: Mostly film these days. Was up on stage in NY for a bit, kinda miss it.  

Rock_n_Rumble: Oh really? When? Might’ve seen you, I went to Broadway a lot once I could afford it.

Nightwing86: its been a while, 2004-2006

That information wouldn’t give him away. Again, tons of people tried to make it on Broadway. Still, maybe he should address the fact that he wasn’t ready to talk about who he was.

Rock_n_Rumble: So I notice neither of us is forthcoming about names and identifying information.  

Rock_n_Rumble: Proposal: We stay anonymous for now, see how we get along, decide if we want to actually meet up later.

Nightwing86: oh thank god

Nightwing86: yeah, that would be great. I don’t like lying, but coming out to a stranger isn’t…

Rock_n_Rumble: same. Like, I’m technically out, but with the industry being what it is, the gossip isn’t fun.

Nightwing86: How does being ‘technically out’ work? All I ever get is ‘if you so much as breathe into the direction of someone who isn’t a cis woman we’ll kill you’

Rock_n_Rumble: It’s called ‘being a shit liar’.

Rock_n_Rumble: Also contrary enough that management knows that my reaction to being told that would probably result in me sucking a dick on stage.

Dick laughed.  

Nightwing86: Now that is a mental image to take to bed with.

Rock_n_Rumble: I like that we’ve been chatting for ten minutes and I’ve already got a kink noted down.  

Nightwing86: You remember you’re talking to an actor, right? Pretty sure we’re 85% exhibitionists.

Rock_n_Rumble: …okay, that’s a fair point.

Rock_n_Rumble: Still noting it down, though.

Nightwing86: Please tell me you’re not literally doing that.

Rock_n_Rumble: Maybe.

Rock_n_Rumble: Look, you want to exchange numbers? I’m not going to stay on this platform, I think.

Nightwing86: Aww, am I enough for you?

Nightwing86: 344-394-2222. Do me a favour and don’t pass that on.

Rock_n_Rumble: Promise. I’ll text you, just one sec.

Barely a few seconds later, a WhatsApp message popped up: Hi it’s Rock_n_Rumble. Thought this might work out better than text if you’re travelling a lot, too.

After some consideration, Dick saved the contact as ‘R_n_R’. The consideration was mostly about adding a butt or shoulder emoji to it, but he decided to be classy instead.

Out of curiosity, he checked out the WhatsApp profile of the other guy. Sadly, the pic was of a bright red guitar. His own was of the bird plushie that had accompanied him through his childhood and ever since, though, so he probably shouldn’t complain.

Hi again. Good thinking.

R_n_R: Oh good, it’s you and not someone completely unsuspecting.

R_n_R: So what are you up to? Apart from tindering, obviously.

Trying to decide if I want to watch something. Any Netflix recs?

Dick later mentally congratulated himself, because that question started a conversation that lasted for at least half an hour. Their taste didn’t seem too different, though Dick kinda had to snort when R_n_R recommended some of his own movies to him. In the end, they settled on ‘Luther’, because Idris Elba and murder. How exactly ‘recommend me a movie’ had turned into ‘let’s watch this series at the same time and shoot the shit over text’, Dick wasn’t sure, but it was pretty fun.

So fun, actually, that it took a text from Donna to remind him how much time had passed.

Donna: So how was it? Don’t leave me hanging, bird-boy.

I’m getting rid of tinder. All I got were three dick pics and two girls accusing me of catfishing them using Dick Grayson’s photos. Another girl explained to me that headless pics usually mean someone is married or in a relationship and doesn’t want their significant other to see. She called me an asshole for that, that’s why she even swiped right. Then she blocked me.

And if Dick was honest… he kinda liked the thought of trying this with Rock_n_Rumble, and Rock_n_Rumble only. The first person he’d talked to on there. The only one he connected to, even if only on a superficial level so far.

(Yes, he had screenshotted and saved that picture. Whatever.)

Donna: One gender clearly came out ahead in this.

And the cute guy is still chatting with me. We’re keeping it anon for now though. It’s been an hour and no sex talk, so I guess he’s legit.

Donna: facepalm Dick, do you ever consider your life might’ve turned into a romantic comedy?

We’re just talking.

Donna: Right. Well, I’ll leave you to do that. Good night, Dick. Have fun.

[lynxgriffin]

Straight Outta Monster Narnia

HEY HEY I WASN’T EXPECTING TO DO THIS EVER AGAIN BUT WE’RE BACK

I’M GONNA PLAY ME SOME DELTA RUNE HERE

THOUGHTS AS I GO! ARE UNDER THE CUT!

Here we GOOOOOOO~!

Survey Program! Nice! Ominous!

I am here yes!

Truly excellent dude

OH MAKING A VESSEL NOW what are we Xehanort

NEATO I can pick Chara or Frisk heads or others…

Let’s do someone new. This kinda longish hair head.

STRIPES FOR DAYS! Longish sleeves, methinks

The legs are almost all the same LMAO

This is so friggin creepy I l OVE IT

Favorite food is PAIN nah it’s soft

BLOOD TYPE D. D for DOGGO

You have been gifted with kindness, not-XionFrisk

Pain AND seizure. Kinda wonder what happens if you say no tho…

But I don’t want to start over so let’s go with yes

OH FRIGGIN BUUUUURNED BY THE GAME, HAHAHA

Hi Toriel, you’re looking nice!

That’s a lot of friggin trophies over there

Also Kris, you need some eyes

RELIGIOUS SKA

So we have overachieving perfect child and sad boring child, okay

Awww Gerson wrote a book! How neat

It’s only you…..FOR NOW!!!!

It just isn’t home without white fur stuck in the drain, is it

CHAIRIEL’S RETURN!!!!

Also there’s some weird graphical flicker going on when I move and I wonder if it’s not because I’m playing full screen here

“Spray For The Boys, Flamin’ Hot Pizza Flavor” Damn Toby I missed your incredible sense of humor

DOES TORIEL USE PET SHAMPOO please say yes

ASRIEL’S AT COLLEGE AND UNDYNE’S A POLICE MONSTER, PERFECT

PROFESSOR ALPHYS IMMA GET AN A+ IN ANIME CLASS

DAMN who do I pick as my partner

Like…I really want Temmie…but also Snowdrake…

Random snake is also very good…

Ahhh I see this is gonna be pre-determined

HAHAHAHA FUCKIN BURNED AGAIN BY THIS HORRIBLE BLUE DUCK

Thank you cool snake I love your origin story

Oh this reindeer girl is very cute

MOTHA. FOKKIN. SUSIE

I instantly love her, goodbye

Oh Alphys you’re so not good at putting anyone in trouble

I JUST REALIZED TEMMIE HAS HER EGG ON THE DESK

Susie are you eating chalk

Oh sheet I like Susie less now

GAH DAMN THIS ESCALATED QUICKLY

Susie, Kris doesn’t even HAVE a face

Haha totally cut off my answer there

Hmm. I sense…a theme here.

Wow this really is putting on the restrictive aspects here

Now that’s a spooky face

Oh it ain’t gonna be that simple, mean girls

Well, this sure seems like an underground! Also…Kris is green now, okay

Hi there creepy waving things!

To reiterate: this is soooo creepy AND I LOVE IT

Puzzles! We got puzzles again! CREEPY PUZZLES

Whelp, we found Susie, just kinda hiding out in a…dead dust bunny thingie

LOL so much for a party member following you around

Well this is a new and interesting take on the bullet hell mechanics

Such interesting and different architecture

THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESSSSS

Yes let’s take a sudden HARD SHIFT into Final Fantasy

THE QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS that was an MST3K ep you know

About like…Leonardo da Vinci actually. Except he was a whiny bitch

LMAO Susie just “nah destroying the world sounds neat”

JOKESTER SANS GLIDES IN A FLAMING TRICYCLE SURE WHY NOT

VERY DIFFERENT COMBAT SYSTEM

“Dunno how I got an ax but like, that’s cool”

CAN’T WAIT FOR THE REMIXES OF THIS BATTLE MUSIC OKAY

Dunno if there’s a pacifist version of this game but I stick to tradition so I’m gonna try it

RALSEI. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

THE POWER OF FLUFFY BOYS SHINES WITHIN YOU it sure as hell does, game

The heckin heck Ralsei is so cute

Yup yup we gonna try pacifist this first time!

“If you’re reading this…I guess you’re dead.” Fair enough.

Gaster noises when trying to use the cell phone, hmmmm…

It’s an inverse papou fruit!

Susie just up and attacks this cake, all right

Battle is cool but it’s gonna take some getting used to, think I accidentally used both of my items

YOUR SENSE OF DIRECTION WON’T SAVE YOU NOW

“It’s like a dinner made out of three glasses of milk” Ralsei you’re SO CUTE

Now to see if TP stays leveled between battles…

“I thought you were running away.” / “Yeah, I finished.”

Fugdamn I want —pictures of Spiderman— remixes of this music ON MY DESK TODAY

FRIGHTENING FANFARE

Damn that puzzle still is tricky

Gah damn that was hilarious but also terrifying

We have the power of FLUFFY BOYS and MEAN GIRLS we are UNSTOPPABLE

Ohhh so that’s what the heart outline does!

Now that is a coooool cat and I like him already

Awww I don’t have enough money for the spooky sword

Susie just roastin’ everybody left and right

THEY GOT BARRY

These mechanics continue to be interesting and a bit more complex

“Damn, didn’t get to impale myself” I’m sure you’ll get your chance Susie

It’s really interesting how we’re basically group-battling to PREVENT the tank from beating the crap out of everyone

Oh now that light trick is weird

They keep throwing the usual chess and playing card guys at us and somehow I’m Suspicious

Is that a bucket. ARE Y’ALL HOMESTUCKING AT ME AGAIN

LMAO did Susie call us the Fuckboys or something

Oh, the Shit Squad, I guess!

THE POWER OF THE SHIT SQUAD SHINES WITHIN YOU HECK YESSSS

“I, Mr. Society, am far too intelligent to ever bow down to such a tyrant!” Hmmm.

Oh, it’s Sir Lion Plateface again

L E G S

THE BOSS JUST DRINKS A GALLON OF MILK THAT’S FINE

Well Ralsei got kinda junked there but WE DEFEATED SIR LION PLATEFACE

Cakes…are also my enemy…

Yeeeeah kinda saw that one coming

Susie I get the feeling you’re not going to enjoy being a bad guy either

Dang son I have no clue what’s going on anymore WE JUST HAD SOME SALSA IN A TREE STUMP

This jack’s got my number

That sure is a three-eyed three-headed cat thingamajig

Awww I like Clover

“All proceeds go to kicking your ass” CAN I USE THIS LINE IN REAL LIFE PLEASE

Hot damn we just squeaky hammered our broken cake into ULTIMATE CAKE

Why does a sweet little boy have a mustache indeed.

Create a machine to thrash your own ass, nice

It’s my beautiful death laser duck! Tops in GUN’S

Man Susie and Lancer are just having the time of their lives here

Finally, respect for pinecone-eaters!

Awww Susie, are you actually starting to worry about someone who respects your eating of chalk and pinecones

Oh thank goodness, got through that maze thing

Yes, finally, it’s our DUCK TANK LASER

Why does it say Tuna on it

“Your design sucked so we blew it up” This is like that one Berlin tour guide I had

GANGED UP ON THEM WITH KINDNESS, HA

Whelp, back to telling enemies that Susie will kick them in the shins I guess!

YES LANCER JOIN THE SHIT SQUAD

OMFG THAT FAAAAACE WHAT IS THAT FACE

Hey we’ve got a full Final Fantasy team now! Neat

STOOL FORME

I like how Lancer just sliiiiiides around outside the party instead of walking with

Hmmm well that friendship feeling didn’t last long

You done got locked in the dungeon

Yup sure did eat that jail moss two minutes in

HUH, we’re controlling Susie now

In which choices do not matter…

SUSIE’S FOKKIN PISSED

And we can’t control her actions…but why controlling the human soul?

A pair of eyes got arrested?! What IS the world coming to?!!

Oh dear, we found a bunch of kings in baby jail

Why are these filthy cages so happy-looking

Awwww Susie joined the party for realizes!

So, this about final boss point for this business?

Why are you guys just sitting on a pile of loot

And just who is this sassy lost child?

BAAHAHAHAAA

HECK YEAH WE GET TO FLIRT AGAIN

I am now BED INSPECTOR yes

Hello again fancy blue boy

“Can…can we see it” / “No.”

This sure is a jammin party with CLUB MUSIC OH HO HO HO

Awww he put his bicycle to bed

‘Welcome to my shop, you ungrateful worms” HELL YEAH

I do not wisheth to hear your MP3s! I would rather listen to the sweet song of Death!

Prepare for a battle with…WHATEVER THIS IS!!!!

JUST FUGGIN CHUCK RALSEI AT SIR LION PLATEFACE, I LIKE IT

Six dollars, for all of that?! Geez

WHELP this looks like final boss time…

Hiiiii there Lancer

Oh dang is gettin serious now

Oh woooow that’s…someone’s fetish right there

HOKAY that was tricky but! Having the defense abilities certainly helped with pacifism through that…

Despite ending this peacefully, I don’t think this scene is gonna end on a happy note…

W H E L P

DAYUM that face from Susie!!

Awwww poor Ralsei

We only have BAD-byes WUAH WUAH WUAAAH

DAWWW lil’ Asriel-lookin dude with glasses (and YES I see that anagram there)

LMAO Susie’s face

EPIC ROCK MUSIIIIIC

Also I’ve really been enjoying the color effects

Awww look at this epic adventure you two had in the closet

So basically we went to Monster Narnia, neat

Awww Susie likes Monster Narnia

Oh no we worried Toriel! THE WORST

LIBRARBY

YOU STUDY THOSE HOT DEMON COMICS FOR COLLEGE, TEMMIE

Hiiii Toby you busy makin’ something!

ALPHYS NO, YOU BETRAY MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE

OFFICE UNDYNE, DOn’T ARREST ME

I like reindeer girl’s rowdy hospitalized dad

PARTY ANIMAL TORIEL CONFIRMED

I like how there’s just a poster on the wall in this room that reads PAIN

The police tape simply reads NGGAAAAAHHHHH!

Good grief there’s SO MUCH STUFF TO EXPLORE HERE BUT I HAVE TO KEEP GOING

Snowdrakes don’t have arms, oh no!!!

“Does it hurt to be made of blood??” ….Yes. Yes it does.

HIIIIIIIII SANS

Woah woah woah WOAH WOAH SANS

Everyone is here! Even Ice Wolf!

Yes I’ll take a Double Ice Pizza you weirdos

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD IT’S BURGERPANTS

10 OUT OF 10 GAME NOW

HIS FACES!!!! “C H I C K S”

That was brilliant, Burgerpants, thank you for existing

Catty!!! Hey where’s Bratty!

Noooo you gotta be besties with Bratty!

Brother Doug…?

Oh no, Mettaton, come out and talk to us!

ASGORE, HELLO

OMG Asgore hugs

Soul flowers….???

Awwww got some flowers for Toriel

THE GAY GUARDS IN THEIR GAY FLANNEL, YAY

It’s so late but I can’t stop until I’ve talked to LITERALLY EVERYONE

Thaaaat’s politics! …Rarely.

Comes to church for the fruit juice, sounds about right

DOG GRAVE, NO

Let’s go into the woods…what could go wrong…

Why can’t I get into the creepy shed…

Well, I think I got everything, so let’s go home now…

ASRIEL MAINS YOSHI IN SMASH CONFIRMED

Awwww Toriel is not big on Asgore’s bouquet!

OKAY decided to go to sleep here.

…Well that didn’t work out great

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

UUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHAT??????????

WHAT????????????

WHAT?????????

HAHA I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THE FUK HAPPENED IN ALL OF THIS BUT UH. WHEN’S CHAPTER TWO??

THAT SURE WAS A HELL OF A THING

No really Toby please WHAAAAAAATTT

OKAY I HOPE I DIDN’T MISS ANYTHING IMPORTANT BYYYYEEEE

[messedupessy]

1. 2. 29. 30. 35. 48. 56. 57. 58. 63. 65. 68.

Holy fuck man that is allot of them but bless u xD skipping the ones I already answered ye

1. Who’s your favourite character from UT?

Papyrus fyuck yeah, tho Undyne, Asgore and Flowey are very close after UwU❤

2. Who’s your least favourite character from UT?

I think I might have already answered this one, but I like don’t have any character that is like my least fave that much like except maybe Jerry but that’s like a default you dislike him on default bc everyone else do give or take, and bc he is shitty af xD 

29. Your favourite UT au:

Gods is it arrogant to say my own?? Because gods I love Seaswap so frikking much man pffkjregknerj

Tho ok if I don’t go with my own, I guess out of the so called main 3 au’s I guess it’s like Underswap?? even tho most of ppl’s takes on it is hella meh for me but my own take and some friends and other ppl’s take on it I just love af, and there is a reason why swap pap is my fucking muse man xD but like there are so ‘smany damn good au’s out there that I srs love it’s hard to pick just one pfft

30. Your least favourite UT au:

Any au that is Sans centric only, like I get why they exist and hey everyone is allowed to do their own thing, but I am just so tired of this constant overpowered Sanses which then get put in situations with a bunch of others like its not fun for me at all its not interesting at all I need all of the characters in an au or most at least not just Sans xD it’s not fun for me at all, but like I said you do you man but that kind of au’s are just not my thing 

35. If you could choose one type of food from UT, what would it be?

Crab apple, I wanna feel crabby UwU 🦀

56. Your OTP(s):

Ohh yeess got so many yes, ok Alphyne ofc gotta love them gays UwU the royal guards like yeess, also ship Bratty and Catty allot too tho I love them platonic as well

Sansby is good, Papby too yes, Sansgore yes yes and sansgoriel is also good but maybe not otp but still good, oh and NicePants yes that is some good stuff there too yes 

And also ship still a bit of asgoriel, like know that they will never get together again probably which is kind of good too bc it would just be unhealthy af man, but still ship it xD 

I did use to ship Frans allot back when I joined the fandom, grown up Frisk ofc ya nasties, not super into it anymore but its still a ship close to my heart as it was my first ye UwU 

AND THE DOGS DOG MARRIAGE YES OTP RIGHT THERE YES 

57. Your NOTP(s):

Sans and Papyrus, I do not like or ship the classic bros at all its a big no for me xD

Undyne with any guy as I see her as a complete lesbian, like I do at times like a little bit with her and Papyrus but I prefer them bros aye, and then there is classic papgore it just nah not for me

and soriel is a big no too, mostly because I always find it so damn forced, like let a guy and gal be pals without making them into more, no hate or anything on u ppl who do ship it you do you man and i fucking support you, but its just not my thing ye

papyton is also a bit no, like I used to like it allot at first but now its like nah not my thing anymore ye

58. Your BROTP(s):

Undyne and Papyrus ofc! number one brotp right there! Snas and Pap too, Alphys and Mettaton, Bratty and Catty, Sans and Alphys, Undyne and Asgore, there are prolly more but those are the one’s that comes to mind UwU

63. Which ending is your favourite?

Full pacifist fuck yeah! It’s the only ending I have done because I am unable to be properly mean, so only pacifist for me ye UwU

65. Any post pacifist run headcanons?

Yes I got so fucking many!

Like Papyrus becomes the fucking ambassador, and mascot, and is doing such a fucking good job of it

Asgore opens a flower shop ofc

Toriel comes to terms that she too fucked up allot and was at fault for the shit that happened, and she and Asgore kinda reconcile at least so much that they can talk like fucking adults, like she will never forgive him for what he did and he will never forgive himself either, but they will at least become somewhat friends again at least, as I consider them originally been best friends before they got romantically involved and both miss it allot

Frisk eventually succeeds in getting Flowey up with them from the underground because there is no fucking way they are letting him stay down there in his own misery

Undyne and Alphys got the gayest and more anime inspired wedding of all fucking time on the beach

Burgerpants quits his job at Mettaton’s and ends up working for the Nice cream bunny, who I like to call Rupert, where Burgerpants gets his shit together properly and also finds love bc I ship that ok

Mettaton too gets like a proper realism check over the stuff he done and becomes a better person

Dogamy and Dogaressa gets a bunch of fucking puppies together and are so fucking happy

The royal guard do not dissolve but instead becomes the police force because there must be some sort of law enforcement for monsters after all 

Sans gets happier and more open about his issues and gets some therapy, all of them that needs therapy gets some because fuck you

Fuck I could go on with this all day because I got so many but these will do for now pfft

68. The funniest situation:

Anything with Papyrus, just just fucking anything with him and Undyne are the fucking best of the whole game man, their calls are so frikking goo and just yeah gerjkgnjekgkje too many I can’t choose just one xD

Undertale ask thingies here

[tedfashionski]

Finking, Finking.

Hi, welcome to my ted talk. (That is the only time I will ever make that joke. This is Fashionski Finks. Expect radically low standards of self-involved rantiness with zero research or accountability from here on out). For a while there I seriously thought that the covid-19 quarantine was going to result in people being increasingly placid and accepting of creeping extensions of the police state. But here I am, getting depressed again, not about the protests, which I love, but more about my relationship to in-group pressure dynamics. One of the problems with being a relentless contrarian is the discomfort of my impulse to rebel against groups even when they’re championing the right thing. I have to find my own way to fight against the system as an outsider. No gods, no masters, no fucking peer pressure.  I’ll never be happy joining a chorus line. I don’t sign fucking petitions (they’re just lists for the NSA). I do donate, but like fuck will I do it performatively. I can’t go to protests cus I get panic attacky in crowds. I empathise pretty strongly with outsiders of all stripes but believe ridiculously excessively in the public good of criticism, and have a nostalgic love of trolling (I like to think I’m gentle with it though). Bring back the troll! We need that fucker, he’s a sign of a healthy internet. I’m writing this blog thing as an extension of my need to vent my extreme negativity. TBH I never expected to get any followers with ted twitter and the bizarre welcomingness of the hf twitter community totally wrongfooted me. I’m not nice. Ted isn’t meant to likable. He’s my dark side. I was meant to be using this alt as a way to terrorise the nice nice (secretly cruel) fashion people. I’m gunna try and up that aspect more. Just bear in mind, my complaints are largely about the system, but if I see you perpetuating fashion’s entrenched anti-intellectualism or its insidery bullshit, I’ll come for you with a little meta-bomb with your name on it. Maintaining my misanthropic tone does take work tho, like, deep down in some twisted part of my psyche, I guess I do actually want to be liked. It’s fucked up.

I suppose it’s only fair to explain this Ted fursona. Like, new concept, who dis? Why all the furry porn? …..because I just think it’s hilarious. Every time I think about the furries I cackle (not at them, mind). I just love the mad corruption of pure Disney aesthetics into hardcore pornography. That’s anti-authoritarian as fuck. I love the sincerity of their culture. The way the crazy fetish aspect means they’ll never be fully blandified by mainstream acceptance. The way it’s so cringe but so delightful. And more seriously, I’m interested in how a culture of mostly gay male nerds developed to the point where they’ll invest 10k in custom fursuits and support eachother’s independent businesses in ways that the fashion community completely fails to do. The fashion world sucks. There’s so many correlations there that I want to investigate: the newness (furries date from around the 70s, fashion culture in its self-aware state dates from the late 19th C – both very young fields); the centralisation/decentralisation; the hierarchy (furries can be pretty catty, I have discovered in my research, and we all know what fashion people are like); the adoption of new identities; the cis-boy gayness aspect (I’m increasingly tired of the extreme nasty hierarchy of certain CSM queens. It’s all very UGH. Just, fuck those particular bitches.) There’s more to the furry love, but I’ll explore it in future posts.

More importantly, why Ted fucking Kaczynski? I’m not like, actually a terrorist. (….yet. tehehe. NO, seriously I like non-maiming violence. Fuck yeah to property damage. Fuck yeah to disabling the system in extreme way. But no to wooden IEDs. Think of my shitty jokes that fail to land as my hand-crafted bombs). I think I like the shitness of Ted. He was just an epic fail of a terrorist. I’m a little white girl living in London. I’m not actually a primitivist, as much as I crave a hut in the woods. I did go to an elite school though. I had some really shitty experiences in the fashion industry in my early 20s, and I watch my friends who are relatively successful in that system and I get so angry on their behalf at their poor treatment. They think I’m too angry. Fuck that. They should be more angry, and the fact that they can’t be angry at their extreme precarity and the fact they’re still insecure and terrified of being ejected by the system after all their investment and skills they’ve built up is BULLSHIT. I’ll be double angry for them, I’m not invested in that system. I don’t need it to pay my rent. I’m free, motherfuckers, and I’m coming for the abusers and exploiters. If you’re a complacent industry figure not fighting hard from within, uggghhhhh fuck you. Yes, YOU. Soooo, I relate pretty hard to the MK ultra stuff. (go look him up, he was basically tortured and experimented upon by the elite). But there’s a pretty big chasm between my views and his, and I’ll try to be clear about the extent of my interest in his extreme beliefs. I haven’t even finished reading the manifesto. Basically, I watched that shitty show on Netflix with sam worthington around the same time I watched Joker (that movie fucked me up) and thought it’d be a good outlet to larp online as a terrorist. There’s the angry white alt-right school shooter aspect, which I’m still figuring out, cus I’m non-binary and I was raised by nutso trumpy right-wingers, who I barely speak to anymore, and I struggle to get along with people generally. There’s sad, self-pitying rage here. I empathise with the angry white dudes too much. I feel guilty about it. That’s good ground for artmaking (yes, shamefully, this…is…art. Sorry). I modelled this fursona a little after my brother, who I spent years living with and arguing with and trying to lift out of his scary racist youtube rabbit holes. This is actually quite an emotional thing for me, cus I did the ‘talk to your fascist family’ thing. And I completely failed. I realised his right-winginess wasn’t lessening, I wasn’t gaining ground, and in fact my excessive empathy and desire to reach out to the relative most similar to me in character meant his extremism was rubbing off on me. Making me more resentful and depressed. Feeling powerless. I was being too kind-hearted and forgiving of his masculine impotence. So I’m exploring some personal shit here. But Ted is also a cute lil fuzzball teddy bear. He means well, but me being super autistic and faily at social skills means he’s kind of a dick, cus I am. I’m going to try and further develop this character, this POV, and this post is the only time I’ll explain the divide between him and his creator (moi). The ‘I’ on the twitter and here is Ted Fashionski, I need that space between me and him. Masks give us this freedom to be more ourselves. Internet culture has lost a lot of its wild brutal anonymity in the last decade or so, now everyone’s afraid of making mistakes. How the hell do you grow if you’re not allowed to fuck up? This is a vital outlet. He’s become an important part of my life and I have to say, I love being Ted Fashionski. He’s like Paddington Bear who just escaped form Guantanamo or something.

I get pretty fatigued as a matter of course. I’m a long-term depressive since childhood. I have a difficult time keeping my hard-on for living. I don’t get suicidal really but I do struggle with extreme fatigue. I sleep a lot. I often fall into spirals of self-hate. And as someone who utterly believes in revolutionary leftist politics, I beat myself up about not doing enough. I’m so middle class and english and white. I was raised in such a chauvinistic and complacent culture; I don’t even know where to start. I’m wading my way through post-colonial literature and beating myself up for finding it boring and uncomfortable. It’s hard to force yourself to acknowledge your culture is The Bad Guys. It’s easier to fall into fanstasies of supremacy and butthurt misunderstoodness. And it’s not like my depressive brain needs any encouragement to hate me. My trajectory is ever leftwards, but I remember the righteous fury of being right-wing. I get it, that was me. We need more paths back from fascism, more comprehension of why people are that kind of shitty. I talk less, and less well, the more depressed I am. If I’m talking, it means im feeling a lot better. Just, fyi.

Give me a minute to be critical here. With the George Floyd protests, a lot of the cool guys on fashion twitter has gone blazingly hardcore on the political side. But there’s this troubling rhetoric about ‘no return to normal content’ or ‘this isn’t the time for fashion’. Like fuck it isn’t. This is a key problem with fashion culture right here, we have this received perception of fashion as empty escapism. Escapism matters in fashion, yes. But seriously, talking about the surfaces of things does not equal not caring about deeper meaning. What the fuck. Clothes are a connective tissue, a membrane between us. They’re emotional and powerful. We can talk about things that matter THROUGH clothes. I speak fashion, pretty fucking well. Most people who work at fashion magazines are morons with no understanding or respect for their subject. They’re incapable of doing it justice, and that’s deliberate. On this tumblr you’ll see rants and reviews of fashion and other artforms, always interpreting through a fashion lens. cus it matters, cus it’s a vital part of the culture, cus just because something has a glittery, seductive surface doesn’t mean it doesn’t communicate or contain depth. There’s no going back to ‘normal fashion content’, yes. Normal fashion content is a fucking psyop to divert legitimate interest in aesthetics amongst largely non-academic dyslexic visual types away from careful thought/feeling and towards empty consumerist commericiality. The traditional fashion media wants you to express yourself and your interest in the zeitgeist through buying more shit. Another fashion world is possible. Let’s destroy the old and build a new one, one where surface and spirit are connected and true and fashion can’t be abused in service of evil industrial monopolists.

/end rant. TLDR: angry fictional teddy bear with tin-foil hat and an eco-anarchist fetish says no to stupid fashion and yes to the renewal of conceptual fashion. Also, Fuck White People.

[swan-archive]

so: ya gal viewed a Certain Notorious Play the other night in SF

a little post-mortem, because i just KNOW you all needed another one of THOSE

Michael Luwoye was a wonderful Hamilton. i know it’s catty to rag on LMM’s voice, but really, the sheer DIFFERENCE it makes when you have an actor with a powerful voice in the role. doesn’t even compare. he roared and howled and bellowed and felt like a tiny compact hurricane bursting off the stage. amazing.

- i specify “tiny” because he was VISIBLY SHORTER than both Solea Pfeiffer and Amber Iman. TINY HAM IS CANON

- Luwoye’s act 1 young Ham was maybe the cutest thing i’ve ever seen! he was SO thrilled to meet Burr and SO excited to make friends and SO jazzed to go out drinking and revolution-ing with them, just so desperate to be liked and find a place and make his name. cute boy. excitable boy.

- not to monster au at yall but Luwoye literally SNARLED “call me son ONE MORE TIME” and uuuuhhhhhh it’s all canon, all monster aus are canon now, i don’t make the rules, i just live in fear of them like yall do

- and then the turnaround between that and a more tired, more morally compromised, running-out-of-options Ham in act 2! a really deft character shift and one that was delightful to watch.

- interesting little character moment: from what i’ve heard/seen most Hamiltons jump right back into the game after “Say No To This,” bantering with Burr and bouncing off to the meeting with Jefferson and Madison to Get Shit Done. Luwoye did not play it like this. his Hamilton was visibly wrung out and sick at heart at the beginning of “Room Where It Happens,” answering Burr in clipped monosyllables and not looking at him and standing all stiff and still until he started to mimic Burr’s “talk less / smile more” in an intentionally crude and sorta nasty style. this Ham was not happy to have to take a page out of Burr’s book.

- Luwoye’s “Hurricane” was a powerhouse. the rapped section was this howl of defiance that nearly knocked me out of my seat, Ham standing there and daring God to do His worst and vowing he’d get back up again. ooooooof. intense.

- Luwoye emoted like a MOTHERFUCKER. his break in “It’s Quiet Uptown” was gutting. tears literally dripping off his face.

- this cast seemed...lighter on the Lams than other productions, which was a bit disappointing, but at Laurens’ first verse in “My Shot,” Luwoye did that hilarious deer-in-the-headlights fullbody freeze at him as he had a Strong Gay Moment

Joshua Henry’s Burr felt very different from Leslie’s as it comes across on the cast album/b**tl*g, but in a super compelling way. i think i saw an article that referred to his Burr as more of a “showman” than Leslie’s, and if i’m remembering right, i agree with that description. Henry!Burr was very mobile and raggedly charming, always had a disingenuous wide-eyed smile hitched up, except for...when it slipped. the untrustworthy self-serving mercenary Ham sees by the end of act 2 was very much in evidence here. 

- and his Burr broke SO EARLY! by “Winter’s Ball” he was already visibly/audibly like WHAT THE HAP IS FUCKENING re: Hamilton’s ascent. his “Wait For It” right on the heels of that was so angry. you could feel his desperation as he tried to justify his methods to the audience, and his unspoken understanding that nothing he is doing makes sense. this was a Burr who, on some level, KNEW that his schtick was not going to remain tenable for long, even if he didn’t know the exact nature of his own breaking point. suuuuuuuuuper engaging to watch.

- ahhahahaha and his delivery of the “...Okay,” in “Non-Stop” was HILARIOUS it was like “hmm yes please keep doing this thing where you say nice things about me perhaps”

- ...also, not to be crass, but somewhere around “Non-Stop” i became suddenly and powerfully aware of how his thighs looked in his costume and uuhhhhhhhhhhh. can we just like. get a Yell Heah real quick for Buff Burr? Yell. H e a h

- act 2 Burr spiraled REAL quick. his “Room Where It Happens” was wild-eyed and electric and frantic and by the time they got to “Your Obedient Servant” and TWWWE he was just a WRECK. where Leslie’s Burr gave at least the impression of making a measured choice to shoot to kill, Henry’s was clearly running on fumes and not in control, and it was terrifying and great.

- and not to go too out of order but can i just say, “Aaron Burr, Sir” is kind of a throwaway exposition-y song, but having it played between two black men? REVELATORY. INCREDIBLE. “fools who run their mouths oft wind up dead.” we were five minutes into the play and i was already like ulp

Emmy Raver-Lampman is the great love of my life and she will be my bride one day, even if i have to defeat Daveed Diggs in unarmed single combat for the privilege. i will do it. i will do whatever it takes to know the touch of her hand. are you listening, Emmy? i’m right here. i’m right h e r e

- my favorite thing about her act 1 Angelica was how YOUNG she played her. which, granted, she is a younger actress than Renee/Karen/Mandy, but i thought it was a really powerful interpretation given that Angelica really is only two years older than Eliza, is still not all that old herself when Eliza’s doing her giddy “Helpless.”

- okay. okay, so. Emmy’s “Satisfied.” okay. a YOUNG “Satisfied.” instead of a mature regretful reflection on a decision that had pros and cons on either side, the regret and the loneliness and the love felt incredibly raw and immediate. Emmy’s interpretation was very “yes, i made this choice, and oh my god what if this was IT, what if this was the END what if there is nothing like this for me ever AGAIN, i cannot take it back and i would not take it back but oh god oh god oh god” and it. destroyed. me. she had that flutter in her voice that you get when you’re crying and laughing at the same time at the second “to the groom / to the bride” and holy shit it was devastating

- also: G5 BITCH TEAR OUT MY THROAT WITH YOUR TEETH

- another fun thing about Emmy’s Angelica was how utterly unimpressed she was with every man she interacted with! her teardown of Burr almost felt like an afterthought in how easily it came out. her chemistry with Luwoye wasn’t as immediately sparky as, say, Renee and Javi’s, but their back-and-forth was very banter-y and instantly comfortable and you really got the sense of two people who could have clicked together given the chance.

- her act 2 interactions with Ham were delightful too—at the end of “Take a Break,” the staging has Angelica start to chase after Ham when he leaves all “i can’t stop until i get my plan through congress.” this was not an “i languished in a loveless marriage in London i lived only to read your letters” chase as Emmy played it. it was a “bitch i have been on a boat for THREE MONTHS and if you think i’m gonna just be like oh hahah whatever we don’t need to hang out when i came all the way over here to see your wife and you then THINK AGAIN—” chase. it was Good. her rejection of Ham in “Reynolds Pamphlet” was so complete and crushing too—it was obvious that Ham was not even on her mind, she was there for Eliza.

i expected to like Amber Iman as Peggy/Maria, but i didn’t expect the extent to which she would steal the stage whenever she was featured in a song! she was so lively and read so well from the audience and was just a joy to watch.

- her Peggy was HILARIOUS. where Jazzy’s Peggy in “Schuyler Sisters” seemed more bratty-kid-sister-i-wanna-go-home-i’m-tiiiiiiiiiiired, Amber’s was like “you guys. you guys. we’re going to get mugged. we’re going to get shot. we’re going to get mugged, and then shot, and then murdered for good measure and WHY IS NOBODY LISTENING TO ME FUFKDCHSDKSFKHEJ” and the fact that this came across so strongly when she was sharing the stage with The Great Love Of My Life and could not have rightfully expected to claim any part of my attention is a credit to her

- the faces she was making at every male cast member who came within 2 feet of her were HILARIOUS. THE FUCK IS THIS. THE FUCK IS YOU. this was a Strong Lesbian Peggy for sure.

- and then her Maria! her Maria was magnetic. she played her as complicit but very obviously unhappy about it; whenever she stepped away from Ham as he did one of his monologue bits you could see the tension and nervousness and distaste on her face, but then he’d turn back to her and the mask would snap back up. not to toot my own horn but like...I Have Been Right This Whole Time.

- and then that red dress just draws the eye whenever Maria’s onstage, such that you couldn’t help but seek her out and watch her standing there silently as Ham drove himself over a cliff into the ocean. she was RIGHT THERE for all of “We Know,” standing there under one of the staircases next to Ham as he went off, watching watching watching and UGH it was such a little thing but it was so good.

i was surprisingly not as sold on Solea Pfeiffer as Eliza as I thought i would be? she had some great moments and was overall a strong performer but for whatever reason they never quite added up to a cohesive whole for me. whatever. still gonna marry her

- her “That Would Be Enough” with Michael Luwoye was actually deeply tragic in a way i’ve never seen/heard from any of the other Eliza/Alex pair-ups. these were clearly two people on completely different pages, having conversations right past each other, and that hurt me very deeply as someone who ships the thing. but it was in my mind also very believable characterization! whatever. i wanted to die. TALK ABOUT YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS, CHILDREN

- actually one of my favorite moments of hers was a teeny tiny one in “Take a Break,” during the verse where Angelica is reading the comma sexting letter. Eliza is onstage but out of the spotlight at this point, tidying up, and she’s bent over and closing the piano when they get to the “my Dearest...Angelica.” for a second she raised her head and half looked over her shoulder and i was like OOOHHHHH SHIT because it felt very, like, “Eliza knows about this flirtation but trusts Angelica not to overstep her bounds BUT is still deeply unsatisfied with how it is playing out” and i just. liked it. good shit.

- i think there’s a spectrum of “Burn”/post-“Burn” Elizas; in my mind i look at it as the spectrum of ice Elizas (exemplified by Pippa) to fire Elizas (exemplified by Aubin Wise/Lexi Lawson). Solea’s “Burn” fell closer to Pippa’s on that scale, very cold vengeance and restrained but ugly hurt, but after that song she ran even colder than Pippa’s Eliza. she didn’t break at all in “It’s Quiet Uptown,” not even when Ham did. her air was this frigidly magnanimous “yes. you did this to us. don’t presume to do it again,” and she looked to be the one supporting him as they exited. i don’t know that that’s my Eliza, but it was interesting to watch.

didn’t have super strong feelings about any of the revset/dual cast folks, aside from surprisingly Jordan Donica as Laf/Jefferson! was not expecting to jive on him, given Daveed is such a charismatic actor in both those roles, and he was clearly working hard for the trickier raps, but he was very funny and fun to watch.

- as Laf, he really got across the sheer Badness of Lafayette as a person, in the sense that he was deeply uncool and trying real hard and just. not. quite. making it. he was also very good at the physical comedy bits given that he is built like a man who is half human, half giraffe, and half random bag of pipe cleaners stashed in the back of the crafts closet of an elementary school classroom.

- seriously he is ALL LIMB. he TOWERED over everyone else onstage. A MONSTER. A MISSHAPEN GIANT

- he also played a very slick and menacing Jefferson who was constantly using his height advantage to attempt to intimidate Ham. didn’t work, obviously, but made for some very striking tableaux in the cabinet battles.

Ruben Carbajal had a lovely voice but i believed him more as Philip than as Laurens because HE LOOKED LIKE A LITERAL CHILD. HOLY SHIT. chubby cheeks and petulant pout and all. it was nuts. where is hamilton casting getting ahold of all these FETUSES

- as i mentioned i preferred Anthony’s Laurens but i did enjoy what a fratty little fucker Ruben’s Laurens came off as. like a hummingbird given human form. that was fun.

Mathenee Treco was a good Herc, kinda camp gay dad friend? which was unexpected but fun. his Mads was a little more vital than it seems like other people’s tend to run; he came off as someone who would overreach himself and then break down into coughing. something a little different.

i eh...didn’t particularly care for Isiah Johnson’s Washington. it was a fairly played straight Local Dad Fed Up With This Shit, Just Wants To Go Home And Build A Deck, which like...isn’t wrong, but there could be more, you know? eh. nothing’s perfect i guess.

i think it was @duckbunny who characterized Rory O’Malley’s King George as “bratty spoiled rich child throwing a temper tantrum” to Groff’s “sleazy abusive bf” King George? or maybe that was someone else? anyway i believed it, both because of his very round babyish face and because of his lack of poise compared to Groff’s King. he was scaryfunny. i habitually skip kgiii’s songs when listening to the cast album, so i was pleased to find myself enjoying all of them live. still think either “What Comes Next?” or “I Know Him” could’ve stood to be cut and replaced with...almost anything else to cover the costume change, really, but they’re fun, no big deal.

this has very little to do with anything but the ensemble featured dupes for Carleigh Bettiol, Betsy Struxness, and Ariana DeBose, i wasn’t sure what to do with this information, perhaps you are not sure what to do with it either, we can just hang out and be puzzled together, it’s chill

[lesbian-ed]

I know that you can't define my sexuality for me but you can probably help me figuring it out. I started to question my identity about a year and a half ago when a friend came out as gay. I looked some stuff up and I felt comfortable with the bisexual label. I was all about girls, my attraction to guys was rather small and I was proud of who I was/identified as. But recently I started to think that I made my sapphicness up and that I am lying to myself. I don't know who I am anymore...

Hi!

Buddy, let me tell you, this is super common. We’re always talking about our compulsory heterosexuality tag for a reason.

This feeling is soo so common amongst lesbians, and even bisexual women too.

It is, unfortunately, very normal for lesbians and bi women to question their feelings for women, and to think they could be completely made up. But here’s a few things I wanna assure you about: 

First of all, on a personal level, from what you said (”I was all about girls, my attraction to guys was rather small”) makes me think you are probably even more attracted to women than to men. It sounds like women were number one in your mind. What made you start questioning that? Are you sure you actually feel differently about women now? Because it sounds to me like you’re having an internal debacle of “am I gay enough to call myself bi”. And to me the answer is always yes. Bisexuality is categorized by attraction to both sexes, male and female, but it nowhere have I heard it said it has to be a 50/50 kinda deal. 

Now, when it comes to being sapphic (aka a lesbian), maybe that’s another conversation you might wanna have with yourself.

Now, one of the most common feelings I’ve seen lesbians/bi women expressing when it comes to questioning their attraction to women, is to say that they feel they must have made it up, must have learned it from movies or TV shows, must have read the signs wrong…  

So if that’s ever crossed your mind, I’d like to point out that the way media portrays women is not a coincidence, but it is also not aimed at women, at least not in the same way it is aimed at men.But that sexualization, the male gaze, it is aimed at men. Men are the ones who learn to sexualize women from those depictions, because they use factors that appeal to men. 

Ever seen a muscly man depicted in a sexual way, say, a slow motion pan out from head to toe, slow music playing in the background, which ends up seeming kinda comic? Or even it’s coded as “gay” (as in, the man is the object of a gay man’s attraction)? There’s a reason. It’s not only because it’s not common for men to be shown that way, but also because that kinda representation is supposed to be appealing only to men. That kind of camera movement usually refers to how men look at women. 

On the other hand, usually the moment a woman notices her atraction for a man in a movie is way different: maybe a close shot of his face, while he says something sweet which steals her heart. Zoomed in shots of faces are a movie trick to emulate emotional closeness. The more involved in the scene that character is, the closer to the camera their face will be.

What women take out of this kind of thing is not that other women are only sexual objects, but that we are sexual objects. We learn that this is how other people look at us, and how we should want to be seen.

If you think women are beautiful, if you think they are attractive, if you wanna hold their hand, kiss their cheek, their lips… This is not a kind of affection that you could have been fed. Society doesn’t incentivate women to want women in any way. On the contrary, it incentivates us to be “catty”, always fighting, always in some sort of competition.

In conclusion, my TL;DR if you will, you are right. I couldn’t really tell you what your sexuality is. I can’t know every detail of how you experience attraction to men and women… But I do know that many women who love other women feel the same way. It can only be seen as normal to question ourselves and our attraction constantly, when you realize that society just doesn’t take our attraction to other women seriously. I’d recommend you check our [comp het tag], because I never want you to have to feel alone in this. We’re all struggling, but we are here for you if you need anything…

Anyways, I hope this helped you clear some things out, I know how agonizing and frustrating it can be to feel like you don’t even know yourself anymore… Please come back with more questions if you feel this was’t clear enough or just if you wanna talk more about this. You are always welcome!

/Mod A 💞

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 3 - Ball Is Life

In which things get progressively gayer, Neil has a boner over Orange Sportsball, Andrew’s Serious Issues™ continue and youth alcoholism has never looked this good.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

           Neil spotted the Foxhole Court long before they made it onto the stadium parking lot. Built to seat sixty-five thousand fans, it’d been placed on the outskirts on campus.

SIXTY-FIVE THOUSAND WHAT. To put this into perspective, the three biggest stadiums currently used in American lacrosse seat 30,000 (Harvard Stadium, Boston Cannons/Harvard Crimson), 34,000 (Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium, Chesapeake Bayhawks) and 70,000 (Sports Authority Field at Mile High, Denver Outlaws).

It should look something like this (the Hard Rock Stadium in Miami, used in football, seating exactly 65,000):

And that’s the seating capacity for a shitty Exy team.

What the fuck. I’m beginning to realise that this sport may be bigger than I initially thought.

           Neil went up to the fence and stared through it at the outer grounds. (…) It made every hair on his body stand on end, and his heartbeat echoing in his ears sounded like an Exy ball rebounding off a court wall.

This is some Oliver Wood type of sportsball obsession, holy shit. Calm down, hombre.

(Will I make a Harry Potter reference every single chapter? Probably.)

And now, things get good:

           “What’d your girlfriend get you [for your birthday]?”

           Neil looked at him. “What?”

           “Come on, cute face like yours has to have a girlfriend.”

Okay, first I freaked out over this because he’s canonically cute omg this is the best th-

And then this happens.

           “Unless you swing my way, of course, in which case please tell me now and save me the trouble of having to figure it out.”

NICKY I LOVE YOU. YOUR ASS HAS JUST BEEN INSTANTLY PROMOTED TO SECOND FAVE.

Canon gay people!! I expected this but still!! This is chapter three and we’ve already got canon gay people!!

Am I biased because of my own queerness? Totally. Ya girl loves herself some good representation.

But hold on, my friends! This masterpiece of a scene isn’t done yet!

           Neil stared at him, wondering how Nicky could care about such things when the stadium was right there.

I am HOWLING. This may be the best sentence in this entire chapter.

BALL IS LIFE. BALL IS LOVE.

Neil has priorities, you guys.

           “I don’t swing either way,” Neil said. “Let’s go in.”

           “Bullshit,” Nicky said.

           “I don’t,” Neil said, and impatience put an edge in his voice. It wasn’t quite the truth, but it was close enough.

Spoiler alert: He’s demisexual, tumblr (and certain demisexual friends) have told me this as I got it wrong in my powerpoint slideshow post. Sorry about that.

S/o to all my demisexual peeps, and s/o to Nora Sakavic for representation beyond the usual. ❤

           The majority of the pictures looked like they’d been taken by one of the Foxes themselves. These were scattered anywhere they could fit and held up by tape.

Where is the Foxes’ snapchat I need to see it.

Nicky probably uses the Fox filter all the time. Andrew probably hits him for it.

           Exy was a co-ed sport, but few colleges wanted women in their lines. According to Fox lore, Palmetto State refused to approve any of the women Wymack asked for his first year.

*effie trinket voice* That is MISOGYNY!

           Nicky tapped the faces in the closest photograph. “Dan, Renee and Allison. Dan’s good people, but she’ll work you to the bone. Allison’s a catty bitch you should avoid at all costs. Renee’s a sweetheart. Be nice to her.”

Yet another quote I fucking knew by heart before even starting the books. Y’all really aren’t very creative in finding captions for your grunge-y pastel moodboards.

Also, if Renee is such a sweet soft angel (which is pointed out again later, so I believe it), the fuck is she doing with the Foxes? Has she killed a man with kindness? Am intrigued. When do we meet this murderous snowflake.

Next up, they enter the actual stadium and Neil proceeds to have the Biggest Sports Boner Ever over the court.

I can’t quote here because this description goes on for two pages, but I would like to point out that this is one of the most well-written passages of the book so far. I had the scene play in my head like a film, lights flooding the stadium, Neil imagining what it would look like flooded with people caught up in thrill of a game, his longing to play this court even if it will cost him his freedom. Chapeau, Miss Sakavic.

Also damn. And they said Kevin is the obsessed one.

(Cue generic “enemies discover they have more in common than initially thought and overcome their differences by playing sports together and become close friends” trope.)

(I apologize for calling this generic. I love it.)

           “Satellites can pick these [windbreakers] up in outer space,” [Neil] said.

           Nicky laughed at that. “Dan commissioned them her first year here. She said she was tired of everyone trying to look past us.”

Nicky laughs, my skin is cleared, my crops are growing and an angel gets his wings.

Also I will present this Dan with the Best Captain Ever Award instantly when we meet her.

           “You know we donate a portion of our ticket sales to charity? Our tickets cost a little more than anyone else’s because of that. Renee’s idea. Told you she’s pure gold.”

WE HAVE FOUND THE SECOND HUFFLEPUFF THIS IS NOT A DRILL. RENEE LET ME LOVE YOU.

And now it’s Orange Sportsball time!

           “Is Kevin not going to play today?”

           Nicky looked surprised that he’d ask. “Kevin only tolerates our court under two conditions: Alone, or with Andrew on it.”

Ah yes, thank you for reminding me, I had momentarily forgotten what level of EXTRA Kevin is on.

           “Thank you,” Neil said belatedly.

           “Huh? Oh no. Don’t worry about it. You can make it up to me some other time when the others aren’t around.”

           “Can you try and get ass when I’m not standing right here?” Aaron asked.

I thank our otherworldly overlords every day for the comedic gay blessing that is Nicky Hemmings.

           “If you take German as your elective here, just let me know and I’ll tutor you. I’m good with my tongue.”

For fuck’s sake, keep it in your goddamned pants.

Or, as Germans would say: Jetzt ist nicht der richtige Zeitpunkt, den Lörres reinzuhämmern, mein Freund. #erstmaldlrh

Also, is this Erik guy for real? He sounds p irrelevant. 10 bucks says they’re gonna break up.

They play a beautiful game of Orange Sportsball, Neil gets a glimpse of happiness (yay), and on their way out they are greeted by Kevin being Mad and Extra.

           Kevin got right in his face and tangled his fingers through the netting on Neil’s racquet. (…)

          “Forget the stadium. Forget the Foxes and your useless high school team and your family. See it the only way it really matters, where Exy is the only road to take. What do you see?”

          [bla bla long sequence in which Neil ponders on the fact that Exy is Everything™]

          “You,” Neil said at last.

          “Tell me I can have your game.”

          It wouldn’t do them any good, but Neil wasn’t going to get into that. “Take it.”

          “Neil understands,” Kevin said.

*”enemies discover they have more in common than initially thought and overcome their differences by playing sports together and become close friends” trope intensifies*

Do people ship those two? Because I can totally see that happening.

Speaking of shipping: Andrew is back!

           [Andrew] scooped the whiskey up and twisted the lid off.

          (…) “About time you stopped that, don’t you think? Abby’s going to beat me senseless if she realizes you’ve been drinking.”

          “Doesn’t sound like my problem,” Andrew said with a brilliant smile.

Daamn Andrew, back at it again with the youth alcoholism!

I’m not kidding though, manic Andrew scares me so much more than soulless Andrew did. I want my murder son back, not this fake-cheery, Joker rip-off version.

I’m temporarily comforted as we are reminded that Wymack is, in fact, the Best Person Ever:

           “Showers aren’t communal here. Coach put in stalls when he built the stadium. The board wouldn’t pay for it – they didn’t see the point – so it came out of Coach’s own pocket.”

LET ME LOVE YOU, YOU WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING.

Andrew makes fun of Neil for wanting to shower in privacy and for having a beat up body, Neil freaks out, yadda yadda, go die in a fire, you manic asshole.

Also, I know this isn’t what’s meant here, but I’m really liking the idea of trans!Neil. Scars on his torso? Always showers in privacy? Changed his identity and his name? Just saying.

They then drive over to Abby’s house, who also immediately claims a place in my too-big heart:

           “David? Shut up and make sure the vegetables aren’t boiling over. Kevin, check the bread. It’s in the oven. Nicky, table. Aaron, help him. Andrew Joseph Minyard, that better not be what I think it is.”

What. A. Mom.

For the record: I’m chipping in with Nicky’s betting pot as well. Those two have skipped long past the boning zone, straight into actual married couple land.

Everyone gathers round and eats some lasagna like the wonderful dysfunctional family that they are. Yay. Now I want some lasagna.

(Note to self: Do not read before dinner.)

Then, Neil is taken to his new home by Coach Wymack, and Nora Sakavic gets childhood abuse trauma spot on once again:

           Getting in the car alone with [Wymack] was the hardest thing Neil had done all day. Andrew was crazy, but Neil had an ingrained distrust of men old enough to be his father. He spent the entire ride frozen and silent in the passenger seat.

Kudos.

However, of course, Wymack is totally undeserving of distrust as he is the Best Person Ever, Coach of Champions, Owner of My Heart.

           “Use what you need, and take what you want from the kitchen. It’ll piss me off more if you act like a skittish stray cat than it will if you eat the last bowl of cereal.”

Happy sigh.

Nicki out.

[lanceconnor07-blog]

When Your Friend Is Gay: For all my straight ‘friends’

So you have gay friends. You have them because they make you laugh. You love them because they compliment your outfit and your make-up and you can do girly things with them. Like shop. And whine about boys. And get drunk without worrying you'll end up carrying an embryo the next day.

You love your gay boys because unlike your catty girlfriends, they don't compete with you in beauty, or for men, or for airtime. You love the brazen ones you call funny for calling out what's wrong with that approaching girl's attire. You love the promiscuous ones who can graphically describe without shame the fellatio you also performed last night.

So you love to chill with your lesbian friends because they don't have man drama. Especially in couples, all they do is cook and nest, or make improvements to their house. Or you like their edginess and their defiance, you're enamored by their strength.

You want to wear their clothes but you don't want to be called a dyke. You give them girly fashion advice, and think it's great they can play ball with your boy-toy but they won't steal his heart.

You blush when a guy says you'd be hot making out with your lesbian friends. You like it when a lesbian has a crush on you, even if you'll never reciprocate. But you won't tell either misguided soul to stop.

So you have gay friends, and that makes you cool and progressive. In your eyes, you're mindful of that minority. You support them, meaning you hang out and you don't mind sharing a laugh.

You've been friends for years, and they've seen you through your ups and downs. But they know better than to mention to you their troubles at home and at work, unless they want to hear you say, "Maybe you should man up." Or worse, you'll try to set up a lifelong lesbian with a guy.

When pushed to define your stand on an LGBTQ issue, you begin with "Hey, I have gay friends," like a qualifier to show you're not as hateful as the venomous "BUT" you're about to drop — "BUT marriage is only between a man and a woman, " or "I'm Catholic/Christian. The bible says homosexuality is wrong."

Conveniently you forget that the Bible also prohibits many things you already do, like have sex before marriage, or masturbate, or let your boyfie touch your breasts when you make out.

Unlike you, your gay friends don't throw that irony back in your face. Unlike you, your gay friends don't quote the Bible when they're asked how they feel about your rights. They believe you should have the same rights as everyone else. You don't doubt they would fight for your right to healthcare, your access to contraception, and the right to marry the person you want.

"But it's society," you say, "homosexuality has always been wrong," forgetting that it's also been taboo to marry outside your race or your religion, but we don't outlaw that.

"Ang sagwa lang tignan,” you'll say about two men or two women kissing. (It's hard on the eyes.) Never mind if your odd-looking boyfriend is much, much harder on the eyes. Your gay friends know better than to get in the way of who and how you love.

"Why do we have to be so serious, why can't we just have fun?" You'll say this if there's even a mention of the glaring reality of discrimination against your gay friends and their kind. You believe they're already accepted, because you see Vice Ganda on TV as the token funny bakla, and hey, you and your gays and lesbians all get along! They're accepted, see? They're not getting hurt. That should be all they want!

Not that your gay friends will complain. Watch them nod when you say, "We're really friends naman, di ba?" Most of them hang around you because it's as familiar as the rhetoric they've heard all their lives. They'll adapt and conform so they won't get hurt, and they won't stir the pot.

They will allow the straight girl to shine. She'll get the boy he wants because he's unlovable, and even if he does become loved he can't get married. Even his best girl friend says it's against the law of God.

But you, you're the fag hag and your besties are trannies! You boast this fact as if you and your friends are inseparable. Except that as soon as you can, you pray: Please dear God, don't let that happen to my son. Right?

Except you're different! You're open-minded and believe that friends can have differences in opinion. We can coexist without seeing eye to eye. That is true when opposing opinions are respected and not used to impact friends' daily lives.

However, your "opinion" against same-sex marriage reaches past your own option to not marry the same sex. You're fine with laws that prohibit your own friends from protecting their families and marrying the ones they love. Your "opinion" on homosexuality being a sin is allowing your own friends to be marginalized at work or at school, all while you sit down and wait for the next time you and your precious friends can hang out.

You say you love your friends. Unfortunately, love does not let you pick and choose at your convenience only the qualities you want. Love will not let you mock their lifetime struggles, their childhood taunts and their adolescent black eyes by dismissing their issues.

You cannot claim you love gay people when, on the day of their historic victory, you aroused men by kissing your first cousin, and then captioned it "Our take on gay rights. Haha."

Congratulations, you've just insulted and invalidated the happiness of your own friends for publicity. But of course they'll never tell you that. They love you so much they don't want to hurt your feelings. What could be more tragic than that?

To you, straight friend, a wake up call: You haven't accepted your friends. You've only accepted how the world treats them, and you want them to be fine with that.

Saying "I have gay friends" and wanting less for them is not friendship. You wouldn't be fine with any other (straight) friend being denied the right to work, study, or marry. Prohibiting your gay friends from celebrating their love because your religion prohibits YOU from doing it does not make you holy. It makes you a bad friend, and a hypocrite. It also makes as much sense as scolding a Catholic for eating during Ramadan.

The next time you mention your "gay friends," think about whether you treat them and respect them the way you respect everyone else you call "friend." If you're friends with gay people because they make you laugh and entertain you, or go with you to your errands, but you're fine with them not having the same rights as you, stop calling them friends. Call them clowns. Call them bodyguards. But don't fool them with the term "friend" because friends aren't fine with their friends having different rights.

In the meantime, your gay friends should stop thinking you're their friend, because you'll sell them out anytime. No? Then say it out loud: I believe my gay friends should have absolutely everything that I have.

[myjustgaypages-blog]

Nothing to be ashamed of

In high school, I was a product of my surroundings. Nearly every guy I went to school with was completely irrationally homophobic, including myself. Looking back as an adult it seems so absurd. What really stands out, however, is the memory of the evening when my mind was opened.

There was a guy named Paul that went to my school. He stood out from our class mates for a couple of reasons. He was very tall, moderately over weight, was a fantastic singer (he was a theater kid), and he was the most flamboyantly gay man anyone in my class had ever met at the time. He was a living stereotype in so many ways. He was friends with all the girls, he was catty / fiesty, and he loved to talk about his sexual preferences loud and proud. Any time he would talk about the huge dick he get to wrap his lips around over the weekend, my group of friends used to yell slurs at him. The things we said were truly horrible and I regret all of them, but Paul never flinched. He loved what he loved and he loved who he was.

In the months leading up to graduation I did a lot of partying and drinking. I was still a virgin at this point, something that I was ashamed of and was occasionally ridiculed for by my friends. One evening I was at a friends house, and while my friends were all shacking up with their ladies I was busy getting drunk by the pool. Eventually I was joined by none other than Paul and a few of his girl friends.

Now keep in mind that Paul and I knew very little about eachother. I knew that Paul was gay and for some reason unbeknownst to me I hated him for it. He knew me as one of dozens of guys who relentlessly ridiculed him for being gay for years. The only thing that was different about me was that I was still a virgin, and he picked this evening to attack for the first time.

Over the next hour+ he offered to take my virginity by giving me my first blowjob. He was just as relentless as I had been all those times when I yelled obscenities at him for being gay, and it made me extremely uncomfortable being on the receiving end of it for the first time. I got up and walked away, but he and his crew would always find me and resume their pestering propositioning. He would say things like "Come on man! A mouth is a mouth!" and "Don't you want your first time to be with a true master of the craft!" Eventually everyone that was at the party was fully aware of what Paul was doing and they all though it was completely fucking hilarious. Every time I think back today I can't help but laugh as well, but back then it felt like my life was ending.

After a while I ended up sitting in my car, sobering up and feeling pretty defeated. Paul came over to me and I told him to fuck off. He took a serious tone for the first time and sincerely apologized. I wanted to keep on hating him so bad, but in a moment it just stopped. I accepted his apology and we ended up talking for hours, away from the rest of the party. I remember being nervous that people would see us talking and they would assume that I had given in to his advances, but ultimately I didn't care enough to stop. This was the first nice turn of the evening, after all.

After talking about random shit like college and video games for an hour the conversation took a turn I wasn't expecting.

Paul: "You know that there is nothing to be ashamed of, right?"

Me: "Ashamed of what?"

Paul: "If you wanted me to give you a blowjob. There is no shame in that at all."

I laughed it off, like he was pulling my leg again, but I could hear the half hearted proposition in his voice. Still, I insisted that I wasn't gay and that I was fine being a virgin.

Paul: "You say that, but until i came out here to talk to you you were all by yourself. If you are truely content not having sex, you must be depressed about something else."

The conversation took a pretty dramatic turn. I would deny wanting to do anything about my virginity and that I would do it when the time was right, and with a woman. He insisted that he could do it better and he would do it now, all I needed to do was ask. He even went as far as to say that he could prove that I was gay, and if he was right I had to let him give me a blowjob. I was still certain that I was straight, but he did not relent and eventually I gave in.

We hopped in my car and drove back to his place. His parents were out of town and the house was empty. He told me to lay down on his couch and get comfortable, and he sat at the other end of the couch with my legs on his lap.

Me: "So how are you going to test me."

Paul: "If I tell you, the test results won't be accurate."

We watched TV for a while, just relaxing and getting comfortable. Eventually he started rubbing my calf muscle and slowly working up to my thigh. He was intently watching my crotch while this was happening, and I was watching his hands. He didn't know at the time, but I was already in the palm of his hands. Part of me wanted to fail the test miserably so that I could get my rocks off with this guy, but the other part of was still the ape brain telling me that "GAY BAD! NO DO GAY THING!"

Paul was starting to get close to my groin. With each stroke of my thigh he was lightly brushing against my balls, but I was still soft. I was crazy turned on at this point, but my groin had not betrayed me yet. Then, suddenly, Paul reached into the leg of my pants, fished his way into the fly of my boxers and cupped both of my balls in his hand. I sat up with must have been a look of shock on my face, but I didn't say or do anything else. Paul smiled back at me and said "I told you!"

Paul started to slowly graze his finger nails up and down across my scrotum, and it felt absolutely amazing. This was the first time I was touched there by anyone other than a doctor and it shot me all the way to the stratosphere in seconds. Within seconds of this starting, I had a full erection and Paul's hand was gently wrapped around it. He stroked me slowly and smiled, while I was moaning and squirming in his grip. Paul got between my legs, opened my fly and dug his other hand inside my boxers to massage my balls while the other hand was gently stroking my cock.

Paul: "Shhhh. There is nothing to be ashamed of."

These words will stay with me forever. In the moment they were such an incredible turn on. Each time he said them more of my preconceived notions and irrational hatred of homosexuality melted away and were replaced with ecstasy and a love for the man who was giving me sexual gratification for the first time in my young life.

Satisfied that he had proved my declared sexuality a sham, Paul undid my belt and pulled my pants and boxers down at the same time, allowing my concerning hard cock to spring out and smack against my shirt, staining it with my precum. He locked eyes with me and, without breaking contact, lowered his head down to my lap and swallowed the entirety of my 7" dick without flinching. He swirled his tongue around my shaft and gradually pulled back up to the tip, squirmed the tip of his tongue under my foreskin and swirled some more. I didn't even last a minute before shooting a load big enough to choke a horse at the back of Paul's throat.

Paul sucked me clean and swallowed the whole load before sitting back on the couch and just smiled at me while I sat there completely spent.