#i don’t think it’s enough to read the one poem that got popular all of a sudden it’s also important to look more deeply into their work

[firstfullmoon]

what i love the most is stumbling upon a poem by a previously unknown (to me) poet & loving the style so much i look them up & end up devouring their poetry published online & falling in love right then

[burberrycanary]

I, too, want to procrastinate right now so thanks @zenaidamacrouras1 for the tag <3333

Rules: Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass this onto other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

I’ve been on a writing streak lately and I’m usually most excited by what I’m currently working on. But, taking a look back, here are some works I’m proud of.

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Still Left with the River (The Paradox of Motion) - 14k | G | Steve/Bucky, MCU

Summary: Coming back from as good as dead to a changed world is easier the second time around. But then Steve supposes that, like with most things, you get better with practice. 

A post-The Falcon and The Winter Soldier Stucky Endgame fix-it where even if you can’t go home again, you’ve got to go somewhere.

This is part of my massive labor of love stucky end game fix-it and probably my favorite story in the series, viewed individually. As I was writing this I went: no one is going to want to read a G-rated post-TFATWS stucky fic that doesn’t provide pretty immediate shippy gratification. But I love watching Steve have to pick himself up and go on after making a huge mistake that deeply hurt the people he loves most. While it can be cathartic as a reader to watch the people Steve left behind be furious, chewing him out until Steve has suffered some amount that’s “enough,” what I wanted to focus on is how hurting and disappointing the people closest to you, who continue to love you painfully through the hurt, creates such a complicated mess of damaged relationships. Steve, re-isolated by so much death and his own mistakes, now has to deal with repairing what he put wrong, if he can and if he’s given the chance to. But as the paradox of motion title would suggest, crossing that distance isn't easy.

This story is a quiet complicated love letter to New York City while this whole series is a massive intricate love letter to Bucky Barnes. Plus, Steve quietly pining is so my jam I can’t even. Come for Steve pining, stay for Steve making things right again.

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What the Living Do - 10k and counting  | G-E ratings | Henry/Alex, RWRB

Series Summary: This story is set a few months post-film and in a better universe than ours. Henry divides his time between New York and Kensington Palace. Alex is a second year student at Georgetown Law in Washington D.C. and lives in the White House. The distance is hard, but they're making it work.

We want the spring to come and the winter to pass. We want whoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss—we want more and more and then more of it.

The epigraph of this series is from Marie Howe’s What the Living Do, which is a poem she wrote to her brother who had died from AIDS. It beautifully balances grief and living.

I’m drawn to characters who aren’t going to immediately tell you everything they are thinking and feeling—and to performances where so much is conveyed through micro-expressions that you don’t need dialogue.

Which means this RWRB series is an interesting challenge for me as an author that’s involved writing a lot of very direct communication all the way up to out-in-out Relationship talks. And a lot of fluff. But thanks to the series being told from Henry’s POV, it’s fluff in a minor-key mood. So if you like your bantery domestic fluff shot through with slowly healing grief and the lingering impact of spending years in the closet without a supportive family only to be traumatically outed, then this is the series for you.

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The Art of the Possible - 9k | M | Sharon-centric, TFATWS/MCU

Summary: Maybe whether you’ve picked the wrong side depends on where you’re standing—but if you can’t tell who the sucker at the poker table is: it’s you.

Sharon before, during, and after Madripoor.

I had so much fun writing this with @village-skeptic though it is absolutely not a story for everyone: non-linear and less than straightforward without the hook of a popular ship. Maybe I’m just drawn to characters the MCU keeps doing dirty (cough Bucky cough), but the incoherently bad writing of TFATWS created openings to tell a story that focuses on the bleakly dark aspects of the thematic and subtextual storytelling that is foundational to the MCU. And Sharon was the right character for telling that story.

But for anyone troubled by the politics of the MCU? This is a story for you and I hope you give it a try.

The trick to telling a story with heroes is knowing when to stop and what to leave out.

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I Leave This at Your Ear - 5k | E | Betty/Jughead, Riverdale

Summary: They sort of break up again on February 17 and definitely get back together on March 15. They barely talk between “the Valentine's Day massacre and the ides of March,” he jokes later, sitting next to her in a booth at Pop’s and hoping that she’ll slide closer to rest her head on his shoulder like she used to.

Ah, the brief golden age of Riverdale when that sandbox was fun to play in. This is probably the single best expression of my style as a writer: lyrical, a lot more show than tell, starting in medias res with people talking around strong feelings that are conveyed without being directly mentioned much of anywhere. I’m drawn to focusing on the hard and messy parts of relationships without the big drama of external angst or the relatively easy knots to untie that are misunderstandings—a Marmite tendency, I know. But I love thinking about the part where you go, ok, but how do we actually live with everything that’s happened? Getting back together is easy in comparison to going forward afterward—that is what’s hard.

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Exactly the Contents of One - 6k | M | Starsky/Hutch, Starsky & Hutch

The day's smoggy and breathless, already in the mid-eighties with the weatherman promising worse tomorrow, but as long as they keep moving it's not so bad.

(Or, becoming Starsky and Hutch.)

I definitely have a type: two characters who are very different people but share common values and are fighting for something bigger than themselves—idealists who get all mucked up and worn out in the trenches while loving each other too deeply and too much, generally in ways that are at odds with the society around them. Yeah, that’s my ship type. 

This is a throwback pick for an old fic, but I’ve always been interested in how slash developed as a genre and a subculture. I ended up taking a tour of some OG ships from the 60s and 70s, including going pretty deep down a Starsky/Hutch rabbit hole (the 70s TV series and not the film remake, I cannot emphasize enough). I was nervous about signing up for this because there was a 5k minimum word count and at the time I’d never written anything near that long. So, wow, I’ve come a long way.

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I'm not sure how long this game has been going around, but if @skarabrae-stone, @sullypants, @beaarthurpendragon or @controlofwhatido haven't played yet and would like to, please have some self-rec love 🥰

[banthacakes]

Please understand that I want everyone to love Hera Lindsay Bird as much as I love Hera Lindsay Bird. To that end, please find transcribed below a poem that makes me laugh out loud every time I read it:

Monica (you can read more poems by Hera Lindsay Bird, and also Hera Lindsay Bird's incredible advice column, at the Spinoff) (what do we call people who get into NZ because of the locked tomb? not me obviously, as an Australian it's not possible for me to 'get into' NZ, but like - kiwiboos? anyway -)

Monica

Monica

Monica

Monica

Monica Geller off popular sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Is one of the worst characters in the history of television

She makes me want to wash my hands with hand sanitizer

She makes me want to stand in an abandoned Ukrainian parking lot

And scream her name at a bunch of dead crows

Nobody liked her, except for Chandler

He married her, and that brings me to my second point

What kind of a name for a show was F.R.I.E.N.D.S

When two of them were related

And the rest of them just fucked for ten seasons?

Maybe their fucking was secondary to their friendship

Or they all had enough emotional equilibrium

To be able to maintain a constant state of mutual-respect

Despite the fucking

Or conspicuous nonfucking

That was occurring in their lives

But I have to say

It just doesn’t seem emotionally realistic

Especially considering that

They were not the most self-aware of people

And to be able to maintain a friendship

Through the various complications of heterosexual monogamy

Is enormously difficult

Especially when you take into consideration

What cunts they all were

I fell in love with a friend once

And we liked to congratulate each other what good friends we were

And how it was great that we could be such good friends, and still fuck

Until we stopped fucking

And then we weren’t such good friends anymore

I had a dream the other night

About this friend, and how we were walking

Through sunlight, many years ago

Dragged up from the vaults, like

Old military propaganda

You know the kind; young women leaving a factory

Arm in arm, while their fiancées

Are being handsomely shot to death in Prague

And even though this friend doesn’t love me anymore

And I don’t love them

At least, not in a romantic sense

The memory of what it had been like not to want

To strap concrete blocks to my head

And drown myself in a public fountain rather than spend another day

With them not talking to me

Came back, and I remembered the world

For a moment, as it had been

When we had just met, and love seemed possible

And neither of us resented the other one

And it made me sad

Not just because things ended badly

But more broadly

Because my sadness had less to do with the emotional specifics of that situation

And more to do with the transitory nature of romantic love

Which is becoming relevant to me once again

Because I just met someone new

And this dream reminded me

That, although I believe that there are ways that love can endure

It’s just that statistically, or

Based on personal experience

It’s unlikely that things are going to go well for long

There is such a narrow window

For happiness in this life

And if the past is anything to go by

Everything is about to go slowly but inevitably wrong

In a non-confrontational, but ultimately disappointing way

Monica

Monica

Monica

Monica

Monica Geller from popular sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Was the favourite character of the Uber driver

Who drove me home the other day

And is the main reason for this poem

Because I remember thinking Monica???

Maybe he doesn’t remember who she is

Because when I asked him specifically

Which character he liked best off F.R.I.E.N.D.S

He said ‘the woman’

And when I listed their names for him

Phoebe, Rachel and Monica

He said Monica

But he said it with a kind of question mark at the end

Like……. Monica?

Which led me to believe

Either, he was ashamed of liking her

Or he didn’t know who he was talking about

And had got her confused with one of the other

Less objectively terrible characters.

I think the driver meant to say Phoebe

Because Phoebe is everyone’s favourite

She once stabbed a police officer

She once gave birth to her brother’s triplets

She doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks about her

Monica gives a shit what everyone thinks about her

Monica’s parents didn’t treat her very well

And that’s probably where a lot of her underlying insecurities come from

That have since manifested themselves in controlling

And manipulative behaviour

It’s not that I think Monica is unredeemable

I can recognize that her personality has been shaped

By a desire to succeed

And that even when she did succeed, it was never enough

Particularly for her mother, who made her feel like her dreams were stupid

And a waste of time

And that kind of constant belittlement can do fucked up things to a person

So maybe, getting really upset when people don’t use coasters

Is an understandable, or at least comparatively sane response

To the psychic baggage

Of your parents never having believed in you

Often I look at the world

And I am dumbfounded that anyone can function at all

Given the kind of violence that

So many people have inherited from the past

But that’s still no excuse to throw

A dinner plate at your friends, during a quiet game of Pictionary

And even if that was an isolated incident

And she was able to move on from it

It still doesn’t make me want to watch her on TV

I am falling in love and I don’t know what to do about it

Throw me in a haunted wheelbarrow and set me on fire

And don’t even get me started on Ross

[tickldpnk8]

Distant Mirrors Reread: August

So here’s the thing, I kind of hated this story the first time I read it. It didn’t seem to give much to the overall plot. I don’t know enough about ancient Roman history to understand the allusions, but I knew that I didn’t care for the rape undertones.

But I’m rereading the comics carefully for any hints to the ending or for any world-building clues, and I was shocked at just how chock-full this issue is. So this recap is way longer than I thought it would be. (and this is also why it took me longer to pull together)

On Dream's Ravens

We get an introduction to another of Dream's ravens in this issue: Aristeas of Marmora. So as far as I can tell, the order for the ravens we know by name is:

Lucien/Lucienne Aristeas Jessamy Matthew

What's cool about Aristeas is his connection to both Apollo and Griffins. If he existed, he was a poet who lived in Ancient Greece and he shows up in Herodotus' The Histories. It's said that he appeared 240 yrs after his death to ask for an altar to be set up to him and the god Apollo...who he had been living with as a raven since his death. The poem he is attributed as having written describes the "far North" where griffins guard gold among other things. Which is likely where Morpheus got his Griffen to guard his castle...as said Griffen tells Matthew he was hatched in the fictional Arimaspia mentioned in the poem.

We get this entire backstory (minus the griffins) summed up for us in just 3 lines of dialog where Augustus asks the raven who he is and follows it up with "the poet, who became Apollo's raven?" when Aristeas introduces himself. I totally missed this when I first read this issue.

On the nature of gods

Gods are born of the Dreaming and return to it when they "die". This gives a bit of a different color to the conversations we saw in Season of Mists. When gods (such as Bast) die—presumably from lack of believers/worship—they return to the Dreaming. In a sense, all of Morpheus' petitioners were seeking favor with their creator. Or at least one who has the power to unmake them. Including Loki.

And then there's the fact that Morpheus tends to get mixed up with Apollo since they have similar attributes. See the reference to Aristeas above, but also this panel:

This is a great little snippet that I think serves no other purpose than to explain why popular Greek myths list Apollo as Orpheus' father when in the comics it's Morpheus. And to maybe make space for the Endless within the larger pantheon of pantheons.

And this panel was interesting because it implies that Morpheus takes counsel from the Roman pantheon. In it, he's explaining why he is coming to Augustus to help him plan for Rome's future. And says that the god Terminus requested that Morpheus help Augustus.

Terminus is the god of boundaries and is usually depicted as a bust on a boundary stone. As far as I know, he doesn't have any relation to existing Sandman characters and doesn't appear again in the overall story. So the question I have is how much overlap is there in this universe between the Greek and Roman pantheons? How does this pantheon relate to his relationship with Calliope and the Greek gods?

On the nature of Dreams and the Dreaming

It's in this issue that we finally get an explanation of the Gates of Horn and Ivory. Augustus explains that dreams come through 2 gates. The dreams that lie come through the gates of Ivory, while the true dreams pass through the gates of Horn. This notion is something that Gaiman borrowed from the Ancient Greeks: it first appeared written down in The Odyssey.

It's interesting to me that he mentions having false dreams every spring. I can only assume he's referring to the dreams we see of his childhood rape(s) and how scared he was. And that makes me wonder upon this second reading what he believes to be lies about them: maybe the incident(s) didn't happen? Perhaps, but I think it's more likely that he no longer sees himself as being a victim.

There's also a lot of discussion around what makes Rome great and how power is conferred on it's leaders. There's this lovely line where Augustus states that leaders are motivated by dreams.

I think Dream would definitely agree with this statement, and I think we'll see more of he's willing to prove his point in the next issue. The idea is that dreams are powerful motivators. And it's interesting that Caius Augustus Caesar, of all people, is saying that powerful leaders are motivated by dreams...when some folks might suggest that those who gain power might be motivated by desire/lust for power. (cough, Desire, cough)

And he talks a lot about dreams in this issue. There are lots of allusions to them in his figures of speech. For example, he talks about the 2 possible futures of the Roman Empire and how it could expand into lands the Romans have barely Dreamed of. In general, I can see how someone who puts so much faith/power/meaning in dreams might be assisted by Dream himself.

A Day to Live

And Morpheus does help Augustus plan away from the watchful eyes of the gods. He suggests that August take a day every year to not be Emperor.

It's got a nice symmetry with what Death was already doing at the time: taking a day off every century to not be Death. Sure she describes it as experiencing Life, meeting her own self, becoming closer to the beings she is in service of, etc etc. But at it's core, she's take a day to not be herself (at least in part).

And in turn, it also has a nice symmetry with what Morpheus eventually does with Hob: take a day off to essentially not be Dream. In sitting and listening to Hob's stories, the Prince of Stories becomes the listener instead of the storyteller.

So yeah, a jam-packed issue, and I found I enjoyed it a lot more while clue hunting than I did on my first read-through.

[ramblinguitar]

Happy Saturday from your Secret Santa 🎅. I am doing well. How are you doing today?

And thank you! Hopefully this message is just as lovely 🥰.

In regards to Etsy, what made you decide to start selling on there, and what do you find to be your most popular items? My degree is in art, and I like to draw and paint, so I'm thinking handpainting items to sell on there. I just have to make a supply of thing haha.

I also see you like to write! I enjoy writing some too. What kind of things do you generally like to write about? And are your writings available anywhere to read?

I have a soft spot for Nirvana too from my high-school days. I listened to them alot. I know some Soundgarden songs, but admittedly, I haven't delved too deep into their catalog. That's something I know I should do though. Do you have any song recommendations by them?

What other kinds of hobbies do you have? Or things that just interest you in general?

Sorry about the plethora of questions I just dumped on you! I like asking questions 🤣

I will be stopping by again soon, and I hope you have an amazing day! 👋

Hello! I’m so sorry this took me a bit to get to (and no it isn’t too much at all! I thoroughly enjoy it, I wanted to give it time bc of the recs, and then I got busy, and forgot).

For Etsy - I’ve never had like a ‘best seller’, or anything. If one sold more than all the others, it would probably be the Loki one. It was intended for more of a pagan audience, but I’m pretty sure it’s mostly hit the marvel demographic 🤷‍♀️

I think that’s a wonderful idea! I’m also into art (wanted to go to college for it, but didn’t). What medium do you enjoy best? If you intend to sell your works, I’d start with a mix of prints and originals/canvas. And maybe a few stickers. Start with around twenty-twenty five items. Make sure you charge fairly! It can be challenging doing that, and feel like it’s ‘too much’, but you deserve to be paid fairly for your work and time. I’m speaking from experience on that because I didn’t charge properly at first, wanted to make them accessible to everyone as much as possible, and didn’t make enough to meet the cost of materials which I almost had to close the shop over.

I do! Writing has always been a passion of mine. I’d like to publish one day, if I can manage it. I have some works up on here! You can view @skohliwrites for a few poems and one short story. I have others under the #mywriting on this blog. If they don’t show up, let me know, I’d be happy to repost something for you, if you’d like!

I generally writing in the sci-fi fantasy genres, both YA and adult. I also like historical fiction. My current favorite author would probably be Pierce Brown off the top of my head, whom wrote the Red Rising series. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend!

What genres do you like to write in, or read?

Ooo, I love giving song recs 😂 there’s a tag for it here, too! Feel free to give it a browse - #musicrecs

Here’s a few of my favorite Soundgarden songs, in no order:

And from Chris’ other band, Audioslave, because I need you to hear these vocals:

My other hobbies include playing guitar, being out in nature, reading (that might’ve been a given), crocheting, cooking, and I’m sure there’s some others lol what about you? What’re your hobbies?

Have a wonderful day 🎅! Until next time!

[moth-feeet]

lately i’ve been seeing lots of posts on here saying things like “how to be a better person”, or “how to be a classy woman” and while i think they have the right ideas at heart, they’re just being very obtuse with the words they choose.

to be a better person you don’t have to speak 7 languages, or only eat raw vegan, or even let everyone tell you their problems.

to be classy you don’t have to have perfectly flat, fly-away-free glossy hair.

the people i see saying these things aren’t thinking about actually being better;

to be good isn’t to be perfect, to be classy doesn’t mean you have to be a white woman with straight blonde hair.

what made me a much better person was realizing i wasn’t a good person.

most of the people giving this advice don’t realize it’s not going to change your life, it won’t make you smart or kind to wear the colors that match your skin tone best. though you might look great, that doesn’t solve the pain.

i think you all deserve some advice from someone with mental illness, who isn’t vegan, who isn’t perfectly tidy, or even popular.

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ̀ˋ

i became a softer, kinder, person when i sat down and saw who i really was, a self centered, mean, sad, bully.

i am fortunate enough to has access to therapy, which absolutely helped me but i did a lot more growth on my own. i’m not gonna say journal, or do shadow work because that meant nothing to me at the time, not to say i don’t journal but whatever, what actually helped me was spending time outside.

i called it “outside time”, original i know, but genuinely everyday for months straight i would go out on the porch in the mornings (i started in winter and through spring - cooler months are best) and i would sit. alone. with nothing but my mind, a piece of paper and a pencil, and the sound of birds and the breeze. it became integral for my day, i had to do it or i didn’t have a good day. these moments were the times i wrote my best poems, or saw myself as who i truly was. i got back into reading and ate through book after book.

spending time outside with nothing but the universe and classical music playing gave me time to ask the universe some questions. i asked her how i got here, what i need to change, why she lead me to this realization, and i got my answer every time.

no, god didn’t come down and speak to me, the stars didn’t write it out, and no one actually said anything. the universe told me through memories, late night conversations with myself, and daydreams of better lives.

i picked up some things through this healing process that i think had a hand in my softening.

baking, cooking in general. though it started as a new year resolution, i learned it’s my love language. sharing my recipes and taking requests, it makes me feel wanted.

i started sleeping better, which was a breakthrough for me. i was prescribed a sleeping medication for chronic insomnia, and it’s helped a lot.

i started spending more time on self care.

now this is what i saw a lot of in the posts i was talking about. i saw lots of, “start a keto diet, start doing face masks, shower twice a week, always go on a run or workout!”

but that’s not what i mean. i started washing my makeup off at night, a revelation for someone with such awful depression at the time. i started brushing my teeth which certainly wasn’t a priority when i was rotting in bed everyday. i learned how to properly care for my curls. i even just left dr.pepper for tea. don’t get me wrong i have a dr.pepper sat next to me right now. i never cut it out i just laid off it.

one of the far more controversial aspects i changed was, not letting everybody dump their trials and tribulations onto me. i have always been very empathetic and therefore seen as a person to talk to about your troubles. and while i tried my best, i don’t have the advice a 50 year old woman in the middle of a divorce is looking for (and i was asked for it). i didn’t just let people tell me what they were going through. it seems cruel but it really helped me let go. i always described my mental health as those statues in dispicable me that slowly get crushed. and most of that came from listening to everyone’s thoughts and also carrying my own.

inevitably i had to stop. i had to let people know i wasn’t the person who could help them, and when i would listen my advice was, “i suggest you talk to someone better equipped for these issues”. i lead a lot of people to school counseling, or even social services at times. but i never forced them to take the steps to get better, because they were never my responsibility.

of course i wanted to help, sometimes i understood more than you could imagine, i never said it, because when someone reached out for help i chose to grab their hand and lead them to the real recuse team. because you and i are not trained therapists, we aren’t cps, we aren’t letting ourselves be crushed.

growing for me meant guiding people to the people who helped me. i wasn’t mentally prepared for someone to share a trauma or a struggle, i had and still have my own to work through.

.

all this is to say; no one grows the same way. maybe for some, reading classic literature changed their mentality in life, but i find books from the 1800s boring; and maybe some people feel classiest in all gold jewelry, maybe i don’t get it.

that’s just not what i think would save me. so, if you’re trying to carry yourself with more kindness, if you want to be the ‘it girl’, if you plan to be your best. before you jump to a new wardrobe or a drastic diet change, try spending time with your head. no stimulation, no music or books or anything. sit and color in a coloring book by an open window. ask the universe how you got here, and wait.

frighting with your head won’t get you where you dream to be, sometimes work has to stop for you to start again.

i really hope that the people who truly do want to change, find the right ways to.

with all my love, i am rooting for you.

love, K

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

2 Nonbinarys, 1 Milkshake

I yam survivng getting my Rite titty smacked by a bony boy at Hoyt Schemmorhone n trying to get my power back by txting club promotors to giv meh more than just a table but to secure the Bag bitch!. n within the Last 2 weekZzzz i Did coke w a person named Smiley in the Bossa baffroom then followed a stranger to a supposed afterparty tht didnt rly exist like 5 blocks down then got scared N ran away :-D !!!. K holed and became a metallic lilac crayon who had the zoomiezz. also saw a bunch of Froggie paper macheys holding handz. now it my favs things in tha world n being dramatic to ppl i don’t know in a white pedo van outside of a wegmansz n Being on set again n lending ppl my journal to use as a hard surface to sketch n Do art but feeling mistrustful if they gonna peek inside N read my unedited poems i feel insecure ab idk why cuz i feel like so transparent all the time but also the feeling of wanting to hide myself constantly at the same time but also fighting the FeelIng and Fe sr of being a wallflower n Musterd ing up courage to Just share n la la la la la la so i don’t know how to stop turning my head back a million times cuz im anxious ab it all n I love vanilla coke !!!! I hav a crush on someone in seattle and i feel sad that whenever i talk to them i talk really fast n get embarsssed.

“technicolour radiostatic heart

moonchild warm illumination .. reaching for sweet milk with the long fingernails , green sunbeams,” randdoooo phrases of stuffs i hav scribbled down / A poem ab someone i love.

i H8 waking up to long paragraphs from Nyu studentZ?.!!! just Kall me or continue to mutually ghost meh!! even then i regret screaming when i shuld hav just been liKe confident n held my tongue knowinG i invented Wickbush .

Im writing this while sitting in a popup cinema snack bar in greenpoint n still amazed i walked here with only 20 min of sleep n absolutely no stimulants n a big blister on my left foot from my $18 wooden leather jeffrey campbells Chaffing against my shmexy twiggy baby cow cows (calves ). Wait i meant shins. Which rhymes w double chin . =} Which i don’t hav but i wish i did . ! There is keylime cheesecake n Redd Velvet Kake here n Mayb 1 day i will b able to eat desserts again.. mayb 1 day i will be able to eat in restaurants randomly with my friends , and not have to plan it out or decide whether or not to eat based on how big i feel or how bad my stomach aches for it or not. Cuz it’s not ab deserving to eat or not it’s just about eating simply Knowing tht when ur choosing to eat u choose to live . i Wanna share 1 milkshakes w two straws w my Nonbinary crush N know that Tis Gonna B OKIE

I luv when ppl share their porn addiction with me when we just met n i really luv feeling like a cardboard box aka safe space . :3 n i literally don’t know what to think ab the snowrain rainsnow. No one can understand meh sppecchh rn cuz ive been chaknsmoking since Chinese lunar yr cuz i felt like hurting moiself :-] yay!

I love sweating w my friends on drugs n i love when they sweat on meh beCuzz they have a uncardiovascular disease Condition on their hands i forget the name of it but i think it’s KewL . i Luvv hangin out n being popular n cool n also wishing for many wishes in one wish on a shooting star Green Comet except i forgot but i prayed the morning of for

- a less fat pussy

- be able to hold my breath for 86.6978738 seconds under water

- Lobotomy (as a verb and noun)

- B able to b cool enough to say “i smoke weed” by actually smoking weed again .

i got married dis week with ringpop n planned my wedding . Tiz will take place at olive garden where everyone will have a mandatory dress code of “bread stick . “ Then throw italian wedding heart shaped rice in my face . All i want on my honeymoon registration is pink heart shaped Bubble wrap from Etsy . Rsvp NOW!!! What does it mean to be someone’s bossa nova?? All i kno is i found Comfort in my friends farts when they refuse to withhold them from meh N smelling their insides . N holding each other in the afternoon after blacking out the nite b4 n kissing each other’s itchy tattoos itchy kisses w pierced lips in crowded and small bathroom stallz at Bushwig ice house in non bushwick / East Williamsburg. Snorting n feeling unashamed n blissfully unaware promising each other things we can’t Promise ourselves n Vocalizing our drug preferences and chatting ab prison n heaven n long lives n last lives .

hElped style for Bella hadid shoot last wk cuz og stylist for the shoot couldn’t make it or whayytevvzz n i had to change my tiktok name for Vidz credit . rip “renny69247” :-[[[ n Heyo just cuz u fuck cis men does not mean ur less queer n i Found the queen kunty book while walking in nyc stopping wickbush n i think it’s a sign from god . I luv my hood n knowing i am emotionally intelligent just as much as i am street smart . I luv staying up all nite kholing w moi friends n having dance partties tht r EPIC N SWAGGY n baking brownies 4 pplz n having sleepoverzz n having SO MANY CRUSHES!!!!! i also LOVE ECZEMA!!!! YAH i’m a profesh mouse catcher not so much releaser tho N i wanna thank all service tops 4 their service esp doubly if they r real veterans . and non monogamy with a underscore and italicized “n” cuz im like red gelatinous jelly .?

. Im dyke spongebob and lesbian Hash slinging slasher who hangs out w ppl with alpaca hair teddybears and german shepherd Border collie Mix coats cuz Peta is actually not as cool as We all thought in our spiritual vegan Cali Wave . n a vegan who eats chikkin. it’s BRICK OUTSIDE n i kant wait to go to coHeed n cambia cambria concert in may SOOOOO Stay fergalicious defanicious Make dem boiZ Go L0c0!!!.!!! which rhymes with h0L0 kind of . i luv holo! Kant wait for denim party n clown core vday party n remember if u placebo urself to believe ur hi on addy u ARE high on adderal :-D o and ! i am cum and my situation ship is lube!

Xx, renny =} <3

[onebluebookworm]

Ranking Books I Read In 2022 - 60-56

It’s time once again to rank the books I read this year! Enjoy!

Spoiler warnings for all books from here on out. I’ll provide trigger warnings where I think they’re needed.

60. Rubyfruit Jungle - Rita Mae Brown

What I liked: If we’re being honest, nothing. Which infuriates me because this is a pillar of LGBT literature, and I really wanted to like it. What I didn’t like: Molly is insufferable. The writing is juvenile, which is fine when your protagonist is a child, but as they grow, the writing should really grow with them, and this stays painfully childish. I had to read the words “incest doesn’t seem much like trauma to me” with my own two eyes, and far be it from me to go purity police on anybody, but fuck that. Also parenthesis happen in dialogue which just...no. Final thoughts: This book was gross, I hated it terribly, and that makes me more mad than any stupid brain fart Rita Mae Brown put to paper in this book. TW for incest.

59. Dagon - Fred Chappell

What I Liked: Strong start, with some absolutely gorgeous language that really conjures up a feeling of being sweaty, hot, and dirty. What I Didn’t Like: Another victim of what I now call the Daphne Byrne effect - builds so much atmosphere (which is good) but then doesn’t do anything with it (which is bad and irritating and makes the book feel like it’s moving at a snail’s pace. Final thoughts: Could have been really good, but it gets so caught up in setting this unsettling, eerie mood that it forgets to do anything with it until it just kind of fizzles out at the end. There’s nothing sadder than wasted potential.

58. Adulthood Is A Myth - Sarah Anderson

What I Liked: Some of the strips did manage to get a giggle out of me. What I Didn’t Like: Had too many nlog vibes for me to really connect with. Basically told the same joke over and over again. Final thoughts: I understand why these are so popular, but I just don’t really care for them the older I get. You can only make so many comics about being a weirdo, just switching out the quirky nouns and verbs for other quirky nouns and verbs before it gets stale. Definitely doesn’t make me want to read the other books.

57. Stuff White People Like - Christian Lander

What I Liked: Again, managed to get a giggle out of me every now and then. What I Didn’t Like: Got really stale after the first several entries. Final thoughts: Much like Adulthood is a Myth, the joke just gets stale after the first several times you hear it, but at the opposite end of the spectrum. We get it, white liberals think they’re special because they aren’t like other girls. You didn’t need to write a 200-ish page listicle to tell us that.

56. The Women Who Hate Me - Dorothy Allison

What I Liked: Um...I’ll get back to you... What I Didn’t Like: Honestly, I’m hard pressed to recall any of the poems in this book. I didn’t write down anything about it, and can’t recall a single one from memory. Final thoughts: Definitely the least impressive poetry collection I read, but not really annoying enough to go higher in the list. Just unmemorable.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #068

Are you someone’s best friend? Girt calls me his best friend. Do you have a dog? She's technically my mom's, but yeah. How many kids do you want when you’re older? I'm not having any kids because I would be a horrible mother. What’s your most popular post? On what? On a public social media site (so excluding like Facebook where only friends are able to interact with my stuff), it would be a gif I made on my old Tumblr of Markiplier's dog Chica with angel wings running into his arms. That one went fandom-viral to where Mark even saw and reblogged it and I couldn't sleep for like three days lmfao. A popular book you haven’t read yet? To Kill a Mockingbird is one.

Do you have a lock number or pattern for your phone? No. What was the last present someone gave you and what was the occasion? Omg so Girt got me a case AND manual for Silent Hill 2, both in pristine condition, and I almost screamed lmao. I have all my cases and/or manuals for almost the whole series on one of my walls, and missing SH2 was a sore thing to lack, because it's my favorite. D: For context, physical copies of old Silent Hill games aren't produced anymore, so they're not easy to come by. He got it for me for our anniversary. Do you have any pets? How long have you had them? I list my pets enough, so I'll just do the second half of the question. Venus: since 2017. Roman: I think like... around a year after Venus? Idr. Cookie: almost a year. What’s the WORST show on Adult Swim? I fucking hated Rooster Teeth the very few times I've seen it. If you could work at any retail store, which one would it be? I will fucking never work in retail EVER again. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? Roman! (: Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yep. When was the last time it rained where you live? Just a few days ago. We got some of the remnants of Hurricane Ian and so we had a streak of rain for a few days. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're real cute. Do you have a friend whose name starts with "L?" Describe him/her. I'll go with my friend Lyndsey here! She's the guild master of my main character's guild in World of Warcraft, and she's a firecracker. Super funny and loves to tease her buds, absolutely including me, ha ha. She is a very friendly and welcoming person and I'm always happy if I see her on if I'm also in the game. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? I have, more than once. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Not that I know of. Who are five people you find attractive? Mark Fischbach, Richard Kruspe, Oliver Riedel, Ruby Rose, and Link Neal. Would you let your kid smoke weed? I wouldn't be happy about it because I don't want my child inhaling smoke, but if they were maybe like... 16 and super super firm about it (AND if it was legal), I guess? They wouldn't be allowed to in our house, though. You're stepping outside for that. My house will not smell like smoke. Do you think marijuana is safer than alcohol? Of course I do. Both have health hazards obviously, but alcohol... you abuse that and it will SERIOUSLY fuck your shit up. What is the closest thing to you that is pink? The big water bottle I got from my sister has a marbled pattern on it that has some pinks. Are tomatoes the best food in the world? I actually don't really like tomatoes. Have you seen The Blindside? I have not, actually. Who was the last person to call you babe? Girt. According to your ex you are...? According to "the" ex Jason, he probably thinks I'm crazy still. If he thinks ANYTHING about me after all this time. Most recent ex I'm sure thinks I'm a bitch. Do you like the government? ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL ASKING THIS What’s your religion? I'm anti-religion. It's caused far, FAR more harm than good and I don't want a goddamn thing to do with it. Do you like America, do you really? HELL fucking no, this is such a fucking garbage country that somehow thinks it's the hottest shit. Would you rather have roommates or live alone? I could NEVER live alone. I would go insane with depression and loneliness. Is your profile private? My Facebook profile is, yes. Do you break things when you are mad? No. I want fucking NOTHING to do with people like that. Is your father considered the head of the household? First off, my parents aren't together, but when they were, Mom was definitely the boss. I don't think she was financially and with legal stuff, but my mom was absolutely the boss. I don't know if he's considered the "head of the household" with his current wife and stepson. What personality traits did you acquire from your dad? This is gonna sound mean, but... I got his total and complete lack of common sense. What do you and your father do together? Not very much these days. I rarely ever see him. When I do, it's usually my sisters, me, him, and his wife going out for a meal. Growing up we went fishing together all the time, but I'm not into fishing for fun anymore so I don't really ask him to go. Do you look anything like your father? I've heard I do before. What Christmas (or Hanukkah) present do you remember the most? Getting a container of dog food waaaaay in the back of the tree that meant I was finally getting a dog. <3 Then we got my Teddy boy. :') If your partner wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, would you stay in that relationship? Yep, no biggie. What’s your favorite Tumblr tag to track? Just "Rammstein," really. Or "Paulchard" which is the ship between the two guitarists. 😭 If you go back to one point in time to give advice to yourself, when would you go and what would you say? I would want to go to the night of my breakup before I tried to do any real damage to myself and tell myself I WILL get over Jason. What is the best TV theme song ever? I've always loved the tune for That '70s Show. Have you ever met someone through the internet, then met them in real life? Once, yes. I want to meet more people, too. <3 Do you believe in giving kids medals and trophies for participation? Yes, honestly. Let them know their efforts were worth something and seen and applauded. Would you ever use an online dating service? Nah, never again. What is your ethnic heritage? German, Irish, and a tiny bit of Polish. It's possible there's more because we don't know my dad's history. Would you prefer to live in: a city, the suburbs, the countryside, or the mountains? The mountains are my fucking DREAM, but I'm totally into the countryside/middle or nowhere too. Would you want to know the exact date and time you were going to die? Absolutely not. What have you never tried, but would really like to someday? What’s holding you back? Weed honestly, ha ha. But because I don't want to smoke anything, it'd have to be an edible, which I know have some REAL horror stories. I am very curious how it would affect my anxiety and depression. How do you express your creativity? I write and draw. The person you last kissed finds someone new, what is your reaction? I'd be completely devastated. Has someone that you liked told you that you are a waste of their time? WOW, no. Ever been called a bitch? Yes. Who is the last person you were in a car with? My mom. How often do you straighten your hair? Never. Were you a planned baby? I know Mom wanted a kid when she got pregnant with me, but idk about my dad. I would hope it was something they agreed upon. Were your parents married when you were born? No, actually. What is your birth date? February 5th, 1996. Were you a strange child? I think I was. It's the root of me thinking people think I'm weird in a bad way. Are you scared of growing up old alone? Yeah, honestly... Favorite food? I'm fucking horrible, I like things like cheeseburgers, pizza, chocolate, all that bad shit, ha ha. What food makes you want to gag? Beans is one. I can't swallow them. Have you ever been in love? Yes, twice. Has anyone ever been in love with you? I know two people have. Have you ever worn fishnets? I have fishnet fingerless gloves I used to wear a lot in high school. Do you have any secrets that nobody knows about? Yes. Does your bathroom have a window? No. Are tongue piercings slutty? Oh wow, I had no idea piercings were capable of being slutty. Learn something new everyday. Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? Yeah, a good number of people. Last person to take off your pants, besides you? ... That's a good question? That's probably not happened since I was with Jason. Do you and your dad get along? Yeah. Do you shop mostly with your parents, your friends, or by yourself? My mom. How easy was it to get over the person you last dated? It was honestly pretty easy. I'm probably never gonna truly understand what Sara and I had. What are you listening to right now? Watching WoolieVS play Devil May Cry 5. That was a series I've always wanted to play more of myself, only played the third one and I couldn't beat the final boss, ha ha. When was the last time you got a haircut? I'm actually getting it cut AND dyed tomorrow!! Are you tired right now? No. What’s something you do that really frustrates people who are closest to you? How much I overthink, probably. As well as how picky I am with food. Have you ever been in an adult toy store? No. Ever had unprotected sex? No. Ever worn lingerie? No. Have you ever been “choked”? UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH yes Most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)? Ummmm... probably mountains, but idk. Or maybe when I went to an island on a 4th grade field trip and the far end of the island's beach was wild with aggressive waves and stuff. Do you like to travel? God, I wish I could. I've barely travelled anywhere but it's always amazing. Who knows you better than anyone else? Mom. Favorite genre of music? Heavy metal. Ever slow danced with anyone? One person. Is it cute when a guy buys you flowers? So it's weird, I don't like the concept of pulling out a flower and thus killing it just to give it to someone else, but I gotta admit, it's cute somehow. Do you know a secret about one of your friends that would embarrass them? It probably would. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? It was in his house with family over, so I'm sure. How many times a week do you see the person you have feelings for? Not even always once a week. It sucks, honestly, but I get it. How do you feel about chocolate covered strawberries? I like 'em. Have you ever been called a bad influence? Yes, by someone who was in NO goddamn place to say that about me when she was a garbage fucking woman.

[en-hale-archives]

Me with You ~~

pairing ⑅ bestfriend!Jake x fem!reader

genre ⑅ friends to lovers, fluff, slow dancing, suggestive/smut

words/read time ⑅ 3.9k/12-19 mins

warnings ⑅ 18+ content, light cussing

synopsis ⑅ Jake is back in his hometown to spend time with his closest friend. During some fun and frivolous dancing, things start to heat up...

author's note ⑅ I’m really proud of how this story turned out. I'm not a huge fan of second person, so I wrote in first, but if anyone asks, I can copy and post again in second person. It's more fluff than anything, but it does get a bit steamier towards the end, so I’m just going to go ahead and put a warning.

————✧————

When the back door finally slammed shut and the cacophony of barks faded down the street, I could finally let out my sigh of relief that I had been holding in since this morning. I tapped on my phone. How many days had we been watching Mrs. Chen’s pets? And just how was I able to put up with hours of barking, the smell of fresh turd lying across the lawn, and dog walks till dark? Including their rigorous feeding times and bathroom breaks -- I’m surprised I haven’t exploded yet.

I had so much planned the minute they left my house, but instead, the sudden silence felt all too relaxing and I laid my head against the cold countertop. I could finally stop stressing, stop thinking, and stop worrying about reprimanding for chewing on my shoes or peeing in the house or the continued barking that never ended. I was free. I felt like I could’ve stayed laid on the countertop forever, drowning in the evening sun. Who knew watching five dogs would take such a burden out of a person. Jake and I had taken on the job of dog sitting for Mrs. Chen while she visited some family in Tokyo. We both switched off every other day; some of the dogs at my house and the others at his; until we realized it would be easier if he just spent the few days at my house as we co-doggy sat. He got up bright and early to take them on their walks while I prepared their highly detailed and specific meals. Then from there, we spent the rest of the day making sure they didn’t run off somewhere or cause too much destruction in the house. But alas, Mrs. Chen came back early from her getaway and picked up Toby, Caleb, Khao, Sofia, and Pickle on her way home. Although I was exhausted from watching 3-foot dogs all day, the pay was amazing for me, and it would help tremendously for all the online classes I was going to be taking next semester.

The warmth of the sun cast a comforting trance over my heavy eyelids, and soon enough I was fast asleep, standing in the middle of the kitchen with the soft sound of nothing surrounding me.

By the time I had fluttered my eyes open, I had realized I was now seated in my dining chair and a large black jacket was placed over my shoulders. I sat up and let out a yawn, wincing at the bright light coming from the tv and shaking my now numb arm awake. I must have been sleeping for a while because the evening sun had turned to pitch of black. The moonlight beamed through the window and danced along with the sways of the large oak tree out front. I stood up and walked over to the refrigerator in which I grabbed two water bottles and some leftover pasta.

I was sure that Jake hadn’t eaten since lunch, seeing as he only ate if someone sat food in front of his face. I dragged my feet up the stairs until I heard the slamming of a book and the fast typing of a keyboard come from the living room. I turned and looked behind me. Jake had settled his things on the coffee table and floor, large books, folders, and several amounts of crumpled up pieces of paper found their way around Jake, himself slouched up against the edge of the couch. He had changed clothes since the last time I had seen him, he now wore a plain blue shirt with grey sweats, his eyebrows furrowed as he worked hard on whatever he was getting at.

“Oh yes, I was starving!” Propping himself up on the couch, he took the plate of pasta. I placed the waters on the coffee table and settled comfortably on the couch beside him.

“I can’t say that I’ve ever seen anybody sleep standing up before. Look,” Jake took his phone off the charger. “I got a picture.” He pushed the screen in my face, and of course, there was my unconscious body laying on the counter, mouth open and all. I playfully pushed it back his way as his face lit up with a smile I was all too familiar with.

“What are you doing down here so late, it’s almost 12 in the morning,” I asked. Jake’s smile disappeared when he was reminded of the work he had been doing seconds before.

He let out a large huff of air. “Trying to get some words on paper but instead it turned into a paper massacre,” he jokingly replied, “sorry for the mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, taking a swig of water. I was going to ask if he wanted to watch a late-night movie, or pull an all-nighter and talk endlessly until the sun rose, but I could tell by each passing second that Jake was worried about this, and he wanted the time he had now over the summer to work on his music. I wished I was motivated to work on my own music, but unlike Jake, I wasn’t in a globally popular boy band. My complicated best friend for over 10 years had been working his butt off since middle school. It was his annual time to sit back and relax while he had the time to, but instead, he chose to use that time to help watch a bunch of dogs with his hometown bestie. God, I loved him.

Jake pulled himself off the couch and right back onto the floor, leaving the rest of the pasta to me. He picked up his pen again and started scribbling down words as quickly as he could, trying hard not to forget the lyrics that had floated into his head. Until he stopped, closing his eyes for just a split second, and let out a powerful sigh. Crumpling up the sheet, he stacks it on top of the others in frustration and started frantically tapping his pencil against the table.

“Maybe it’s best to just try again in the morning,” I advised, taking a small bite of the pasta that was left by my side.

“How come I’m having such a hard time with this?” He gazed up at me frantically for a clue, as if I had the answer to fix a problem as big and as important as his was. I looked at his doleful eyes and the bags that were starting to grow underneath them. I couldn’t help but think, because I made you sit up and watch a bunch of dogs with me.

“Do you want me to see if I could come up with something?”

“If you want. But, hold on, I think my thoughts are coming back up.” He quickly grabbed another piece of paper, his eyes narrowed in concentration.

I tried my best to keep occupied by watching videos on my phone, but I found myself suddenly bored out of my mind. I laid out on my back and picked up one of Jake’s folders. Briefly looking through it, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous at the amount of fan art and letters, praising him and the other members. Followed with that were just more and more engene stuff, full of nothing but kind words and heartfelt messages. Part of me wished that I was able to travel with Jake and see the world like he was. How fun would it be to meet people that praised you? And how cool would it be to see that you had fans? I couldn’t help but plaster on a huge smile as I skimmed through some of the notes until I finally came to one with familiar handwriting.

Remember Me were the words written on the top of the paper in bold and bright colors. But the message written underneath is what caught my attention:

To the person that makes me the luckiest guy in the world, this song is for you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but please just remember me -- it was Jake’s handwriting.

I didn’t feel like I was breaking any crime reading his stuff until this moment, but curiosity killed the cat, and right now I didn’t mind being a feline. I checked to make sure Jake was still busy, and he was, almost like he had teleported into his own world. I quietly turned back to the sheet and started reading. It was about a girl, presumably his crush I’m sure. She was someone important to him, someone who made him love so much that it hurt. But this was far from a happy song, in fact, it was terribly heartbreaking. She didn’t understand his love, she wasn’t able to interpret it like he wanted her to. But he confesses that he was scared of what telling her would do, worried that she wouldn’t feel the same. So instead, it was like he was apologizing, and asking that she forgive him for not being brave enough to tell her, and if he did ever get the courage to, for her to remember him even if she wasn’t able to love him like he wanted her to.

The song ends like how the title began, and I find myself flabbergasted at the beautiful mixes of rhymes and metaphors that read like a poem. This was the first of Jake’s songs that made me feel this way, like I had just finished watching a tragedy movie with Ryan Renolds starring. I blink back the tears that I didn’t realize were forming. How come he never told me this? We never kept secrets from each other, like ever. It never mattered the subject or the severity, we had always promised that we would be open and honest with each other. I wish I would’ve known this sooner, maybe I could’ve saved him from feeling this way. And what girl could it possibly be? I knew for sure I was the only girl he was presumably close to; but was there someone else?

I glanced down at Jake, who was still in a focused state of mind with the pencil in his mouth and mumbling lyrics softly under his breath. I tried picturing my bubbly Jake writing these agonizing words and miserably failed.

Jake looked up at me as if he could feel my gaze on the back of his head. “I think I’ve found the chorus, but it’s the rest of the song I’m not able to get, and how come it’s so hard to find another word that rhymes with severe? Beer? Sphere? Revere? Appear? Gosh, rhyming sucks some serious ass!”

“This song is beautiful.”

Jake furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Huh?”

“This song I found in your folder.” I glanced back at it in my hand. “Remember Me.”

Jake’s gaze leaped from my eyes to the sheet, and I felt his body tense. “Where’d you get that from?”

“I was just going through one of your folders. Did you accidentally get it mixed up in your fan folder? Cause this is -”

“Did you read it?” He interrupted.

“Yeah, and it’s perfect.”

Jake glanced at me for a split second before turning back around, obviously uncomfortable. “I was watching one of those Kdramas you love so much and it inspired me. Could you help me rhyme with severe now?”

I knew Jake like the back of my hand, so I knew continuing on with this conversation would get him upset if he’s clearly avoiding it. But, I wasn’t going to just let him off that quickly. “Jake, come on, you can tell me anything. Who is this about?”

Jake looked back at me with a hint of something in his eyes, something I’ve never seen before, and something I wasn't able to decipher. “Nobody, I was just feeling really inspired, that's it.” His tone had switched from calm to agitated.

I give him my I’m-not-stupid look and he comes back with his own you’re-being-delusional stare. “It’s seriously nobody, truthfully and honestly.”

“Okay, okay I’ll back off.” I could tell he was starting to get defensive, and when he got like that, it took him at least a few hours before returning to normal. I watched Jake's Adam's apple move up and down, a way in which I could tell he knew I was not convinced in the slightest. “Well, sometimes we go through things that can remind us of situations like that, but not necessarily in that same exact context, you know? It has to be amplified for that audience appeal.”

“Okay...but have you ever felt this way before? Not exactly like how it’s written, but maybe somewhere along these lines?”

I thought I was going to get another vague answer, or worse, an aggravated one. But instead Jake looked down at his pencil as he tapped it along his wrist. “...maybe, but I think everyone can connect to the words in some way. I mean, everyone feels some kind of heartbreak in their life, right?” Jake's answer was still pretty vague, but at least I was able to get something out of him.

“Okay, but you know you can tell me anything, like, anything ever because you know that you’ll never actually have to feel this way, right?” I said, maybe too much in a hurry.

“Of course I know that.” He replied, giving one of his awkward grins.

“And if anyone has made you feel this way, then you know you can tell me that too cause there a sucker to lose out on a perfect person like you.” I teased in a sing-song way, poking his shoulder hard. Jake chuckled and poked me back.

A weird silence grew in the room, and Jake went back to trying to find rhyming words. I tried getting back on my phone, but I knew I needed to say something to let go of the tenseness in the air.

“Hey, crystal clear rhymes!”

He leaned his head back and looked up at me. “Nevermind, I give up for tonight.”

I could see the stress that played on his face. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, but by the time I do, it’ll be too late.”

“What do you mean?”

Jake pulled his knees up to his chest and spoke. “This was going to go on our album comeback that needs to be finished in the next four months. By the time I think of something, it'll be too late and I’ll have to wait until the next four months. But by then, I'll have forgotten. This always happens and I have no idea how the hell to fix it.” I couldn’t tell if he wanted my help or just a bit of comfort.

“Did you try asking the other guys to see if they had any ideas?”

“Yeah, but they’re working on their own parts, I can’t ask them to do this too.”

“I’m sure they’d be willing to help if you asked,” I assured him.

“I know they would, but I just don’t want to. I always ask them for help, I thought being away from the studio and being back home would help my brainstorming abilities.” He gave a weary chuckle that almost sounded like a groan.

“Well, maybe tomorrow will come with better results.” I did my best to give him some motivation, but I could tell I was failing miserably at that too.

Jake watched as a car zoomed past the window, a low bass sounding off as it zoomed away. “I bet it’s easier to just listen to music than to try and come up with it. I remember when I would just blare NCT all day long and jam out in my room. It seemed so much easier back then to come up with stuff than it does now. I miss it.” He took a slight pause before continuing. “ Did you know that song you read was the easiest thing I have written in my life? I remember writing too. I just had this super weird feeling in my chest one day so I basically locked myself in my room and took maybe two hours and just wrote a bunch of words down and connected them to sound like a song. For once my mind had just gone blank and I couldn’t stop thinking and feeling that song, like I knew what it was supposed to sound like, I knew what the lyrics were supposed to mean. I just knew everything. And I miss that feeling, that feeling of like- '' He broke off his sentence when he looked back up to my eyes. It seemed like he was talking more to himself than to me. He swallowed hard and looked back at the pencil still in hand.

“Well, I'm sorry you don’t feel free anymore. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel like that again-”

“No, please don’t feel like that. It’s just something that had just recently started happening, something I really just can’t fix…” His voice gets softer and softer the more he spoke.

“Have you spoken to your manager about it?” I asked. “He’s super nice from what I understand. And he’ll probably have better answers than your friend who can barely play the piano, let alone produce an entire song.”

Jake laughed before I had the chance to. “ See, now you're underestimating yourself. Remember that song from freshman year? The one about-- what was his name, Josh?” Jake teased. I grabbed a pillow and slammed it into the back of his head. “Oh my gosh, I thought we promised we’d never bring it up again!”

Jake chuckled and laid his arm on the couch completely turning towards me. “How about we sneak out and go get ice cream and try to not wake up your mom in the process?”

I suddenly jumped to my feet when I have the perfect idea on how to cheer up the gloomy Mr. Shim. “Or, we could do something even better!”

“Urgh!” Jake groaned.

I grabbed my phone and hooked it up to the speaker. I was going to turn on his hit song Drunk-Dazed as a joke, but Jake needed this break from his career, so instead, I crunk up Beyonce as loud as it could go without disturbing my mom who slept upstairs. I turn back to Jake and reach out for his hands, already moving my hips to the music.

He shook his head and threw it back onto the couch as if throwing a temper tantrum. “I literally dance for a living.”

“Okay but this will be different, I promise.” I grabbed the piles of papers on the ground and threw them in the trash, I then pushed the coffee table near the wall and piled his folders and books neatly on top.

“Come on, cowboy!” I grabbed his hands and helped him up. He was reluctant to get up, but he threw one last groan before standing on his feet.

“This will get the brain juices flowing again!” I told him. I go back to my phone and switch it to one of my favorite Beyonce songs that she covered, At Last.

I sang dramatically to get Jake to smile, and luckily, it worked. I placed both my hands over his shoulders and swayed us back and forth, still miming the song as overly exaggerated as I could. Jake still couldn’t help but smile, and it didn’t take him long to join me in the rhythm and sway naturally with me. I learned at our middle school dance that Jake had perfect rhythm. He was able to impress the rest of the crowd when he busted out moves from BTS. Everyone was impressed, including me.

Now we were on a steady roll. I accidentally stepped on his feet a few times, but it was fine seeing as I was wearing foam flip-flops and he was barefooted. After a while, the song switched and played another of my favorites that didn’t match our style of dance, but we still moved slowly to the beat. Jake tried twirling me, but since I have two left feet, I almost ended up hitting the wall each time and Jake laughed loud at my clumsiness. The moonlight from the kitchen had now switched to the window in the living room. It gleamed through and glistened on Jake like a spotlight, just like the ones on the stage did for him. In a split second, I was reminded that he wouldn’t be here forever, just like he wasn’t here for the past year. I tried to not let it settle on my face that I was scared to see him go again, so I played up on the fun we were having now. Jake looked like he was at ease; finally, since he’d been here, he looked genuinely happy and I wasn’t going to ruin that.

After another handful of songs full of laughs and giggles, we were soon sweating and taking deeper breaths than normal. Each song was different from the one before, but it didn’t stop us from sticking to our style of dance. Even with the simplicity of the moves and the slowness of the steps, I had to take a minute to relax. I hooked my arms around his neck and rested my entire body on his. I could feel Jake’s own sweat seeping through his shirt, But I didn’t mind the wetness that was now attached to my cheek. I thought he would act awkward and ask for me to pull away, but instead, he gripped tighter on my hips and started slowly moving me side to side. I let out a long overdue sigh, trying my best to match the steady breathing of Jake’s with my own. It was actually therapeutic: hearing his heartbeat in one ear and the softness of the music in the other.

I tried to continue our steady breathing together, but his had picked up a bit, almost out of nowhere. I felt the heat of his breath on the nape of my neck, and it made my entire body tingle in a way it never had before. After this sudden feeling, I realized just how close we really were. His leg hair tickled my legs, I could feel the bone of his foot connecting to mine, I could feel his thin waist against mine as well. I felt like I needed to back up, but instead, I couldn’t and continued to sway softly against him. A few seconds later, Jake’s hands rose a little higher, planting themselves on my waist and tightening their grip as if they were trying to pull me closer than we already were.

The sensation hadn’t stopped though, it clung to my body like my damp shorts did on my thighs. Sooner or later I felt pressure on the lower part of my stomach and thought for sure that Jake was messing around and wasn’t feeling what I was, which indicated that I needed to pull back before this feeling became too much.

This is so embarrassing. I thought. How could I let myself feel like this? How was this in any way okay? I finally pulled back, the sensation becoming too unbearable, and glanced up at his face. His pupils were large in a way I hadn’t seen before. His mouth was slightly open and a drop of sweat slowly traced down his forehead, onto his nose. That pressure I was feeling on my stomach had now doubled in force, and Jake's face had switched from calm and subtle, to alarmed and panicked...

————✧————

(part 2 possibly...?)

Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Please, leave any constructive criticism you have on helping improve my writing!

————✧————

None of the images are mine, They all belong to their rightful owners :)

[thewertsearch]

Asks Compilation 13/05

They really are. A lot of these kids seem very isolated (I mean, we know Jade is), and it makes a lot of sense why they’d gravitate to online friendships the way they did. Plus, they subconsciously know they’re going to be co-players, so maybe they were always destined to vibe well together. 

I’ll think about it! Honestly, though, I don’t know if it’d add much. I might try and experiment with different formats down the line, especially for ‘event’ flashes like that - we’ll see. 

[ Super popular (half-serious) fan headcanon  is that Prospit = you make your bed, Derse = you don’t make it. you got lots of asks about this but lots have spoilers so I thought I’d just tell you directly since I know you’d want to know 😂 - Cat ] 

What do ya know, I’m a Derse girl! 

Damnit, I wanted those prophecy clouds. Instead, I’m stuck with an asteroid belt, a sky full of monsters. and close proximity to a gang of murderous Agents. Derse’s perks better be good!!  

Lot of fun Charles Barkley Lore here. I can always count on you guys to explain Hussie’s latest reference to me. 

Now we know where Rose got this enigmatic quote. I like to think that in this world, T.S. Eliot never existed, and Barkley actually wrote all of Eliot’s poems himself, juggling Modernist poetry with his basketball career. 

Yeah, it’s just edging out Doom. It’s a weird pair of elements (aspects?) to be associated with, and I kind of love it.  

Combining the two just makes me think of this guy!

Thanks for the recs, guys! Other than Dumbing of Age, I haven’t heard of any of these, but based on their about pages:

Never Satisfied is a webcomic about politics, and also being a cool wizard. Strangely enough, I think those two would mesh pretty well. 

Sleelpess Domain is a dark magical girl webcomic with an urban-fantasy setting. I really like the artstyle for this one. 

Widdershins is an anthology fantasy series in a Victorian-inspired setting. Anthologies are a lot of fun - I find they really help the worldbuilding unfold. 

Black Book is a card-based RPG, a type of game system that I used to shun, but one that I’ve really been getting into recently. 

Dumbing of Age, which I keep meaning to check out, is, I think, a slice-of-life story about college students. They’re just like me fr

You really have be on the ball with Homestuck. The recap was one of the most information-dense pages in the comic so far, and if I’d been reading casually, I probably would have skipped it!

I guess the character naming pages were Hussie’s author avatar all along. 

This gif kind of mirrors WV’s terminal introduction, and when you think about it, authors are kind of ‘super-Exiles’, sending ‘commands’ which can’t be disobeyed. 

Like, I get it. John has no memory of that timeline, and is already primed not to trust Dave, but it still hurts to see him so dismissive of Davesprite. I think the ‘real Dave’ fuckup was because part of him still isn’t buying it. 

I honestly think one of the Daves might end up snapping eventually, and then John will get his wakeup call. 

Yup, it matches the kids’ introduction order, as most other things do. 

These patterns show up everywhere, and when they do, it’s impossible to tell in advance whether they’re going to be subverted. Hussie caught me out this time!  

.....oh my god?

Sweet!

It’s a good Cal. It’d have been hard to fully capture Comic Cal’s aura in realspace, so changing his design a little was the right move here. 

[merakiui]

I was reading through your tags and you mentioned at some point the kazuscara roommates finding your onlyfans and I think I completely combusted—thus i present to you my brain rot of late: you attend the same school as them but you’re not actually friends, all you know about kazuha is that he’s the friendly regular at the cafe you work at, who makes polite conversation every now and then but otherwise is nothing of note. In reality he’s been stalking you for weeks ever since your first encounter, and is dead set on the idea that you’re this innocent, weak thing that needs to be protected (maybe he stepped in when you had a bad customer and your meek reply helped fester his delusions?). Scara, on the other hand, is only aware of your presence since you’re his favourite cam model that he recently found. (Since he’s a harbinger he’s probs loaded) Weeks of funnelling money towards you cause him to feel this unwarranted possessiveness, believing that since he’s been providing so much in your “relationship” that it’s time you reward him in turn. However, despite the unbridled interest they have toward you neither are aware of each other’s feelings for you— that is, until you happen to run into the both of them heading to your class. While both are known for maintaining their stoic masks, they’re friends for a reason— and instantly can tell the attraction their roommates have towards their own “lover”. After kazuha finds your onlyfans he’s certain that you’ve been coerced and wants to save you, while scara thinks it’s time that he’s stopped letting other plebeians look at his possession—so, despite their initial reservations, come together to form the ideal plan. When you find yourself waking up groggy in a room you don’t recognize, all they can do is look on with glee whilst planning their next course of action with their new belonging. They’re friends after all, and good friends share though, don’t they?

This is v long srry lol you can ignore this ofc!!

AAAH, ANON!! YES!!! <3 I couldn’t resist writing more on this concept. orz They make for such a terrifying pair when they work together!

(cw: yandere, stalking, nsfw, implied kidnapping/drugging, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, delusional thoughts, savior complex, implied violence)

What if Kazuha and Scara were just acquainted with one another and actually became closer through their mutual obsession with you? Yes, they’re roommates and ought to get along because they’re living together but they haven’t exactly clicked yet. They talk every now and then and know little things about each other. Nothing too special. They don’t really hang out outside of their dorm either, what with their class schedules being vastly different. And Kazuha’s always out of the dorm doing who-knows-what. Most of his time is spent at a café, where he’ll write and read and stare at you while you work. On the other hand, Scara prefers to stay inside if he doesn’t have a good reason to go out. He likes his alone time. Although he has enjoyed going to the library every now and then to study.

So maybe they need to find some common ground. Maybe they need a push in the right direction before they get closer.

Kazuha likes to stare. Talking to you is great, but he worries he’ll say too much and then he’ll be a nuisance, or you might not want to talk to him at all since you’re working. But you always regard him with a warm smile, happy to scribble his name on the plastic cup because you remember him. Because you recognize his familiar face and soft, gentle eyes. He’s the one who saved you from that rude customer, after all, and he’s a polite regular. Why wouldn’t you know him? You might look like you can handle those types of situations, but what Kazuha saw that day was something entirely different. You were nervous—so soft-spoken and scared. He absolutely has to protect you from those kinds of people now, doesn’t he?

And he does exactly that. He’s your second pair of eyes—your valiant knight in shining armor—who sees and hears all. Sometimes he goes to the café with the intention to simply watch over you and make sure no one’s bothering you. He can recall one time when a customer was speaking rudely about you because her drink hadn’t been prepared in a ‘timely manner.’ In reality it’s impossible to make a drink within a few seconds, especially when you’re already preoccupied with making another customer’s drink. She must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed, or maybe she’s just a hateful person in general. You didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of such fiery insults, though.

Her eyes just can’t see your perfection and therefore she does not deserve to see out of them.

Kazuha’s willing to wrestle with all of this darkness if it means you’ll stay safe, oblivious, and pure. You’re like a defenseless kitten, unable to protect yourself from the scary world. He writes about you a lot in his journal; you’re his muse—someone who constantly shows up in poems and short paragraphs where he tries to describe what your dream date might be or what type of wedding you’d prefer. Things get darker the deeper you delve into his writings, where you’ll find entries in great detail. Kazuha writes a lot and he doesn’t even mean to. He just has to get all of his thoughts on paper before they abandon him and he’s left with emptiness.

Everything you do is pure; you’re almost an equivalent to a holy being. Your smell is pure. Your body is pure. Your actions are pure. Your smile is pure. Even when you’re on the verge of crying from harsh customers or when you’re turning down a confession, you’re still pure. And Kazuha likes that about you because it’s special. There aren’t many people in his life who are completely pure. He’s been through a lot of rough things and has seen firsthand how impure people can be. It’s only fair that he gets a chance to protect purity itself.

He might have some impurities, but that doesn’t deter him from watching over you. As gentle and unassuming as he is, there are times when even he loses his composure. Not many are privy to these dark emotions of his. His smiles are sharp and venomous and his eyes fill with a gloom so dark it can swallow you whole. You’ll never see this side of him; he won’t allow it. Instead you’re treated to his sweet, calm side, where he feigns perfection in hopes of catching your interest.

As for Scara… He doesn’t really care about Kazuha in the beginning. He’s just someone he has to live with. It’s not a big deal and as long as he doesn’t try to make lots of pointless conversation everything will be okay. He prefers the peace and quiet, considering he’s acquainted with people who are far from peaceful and quiet. Scara’s relieved that Kazuha leaves the dorm so often because it gives him an opportunity to watch his favorite cam star’s most recent video. He’s your most loyal follower—someone who’s paid lots of money just to have access to the highest tier of rewards and such. He even got a private video where you addressed him and moaned out his name with lustful thoughts of him. Having lots of money comes in handy.

When he finds out that you go to the same school as him, he’s a little shocked. He didn’t expect you to be so close. You’re practically within touching distance. If only he knew your schedule. If only you were in one of his classes. It’s really annoying that he only knows your online presence and not who you might be in your personal life. The last thing he’s going to do is consult Childe, that popular athlete who knows literally everyone in the school for whatever reason. Surely he knows you. But he’ll die before he ever asks Childe for a favor.

Scara loves you out of every other cam model because you’re different. You’re not just trying to get fast cash. You’re genuine. You listen to your subscribers and their feedback. You do your best to improve and do even better streams than the previous ones. All of your hard work is overlooked by the other fools who watch your streams, but it isn’t overlooked by him. Scara appreciates your attention to detail and the way you’re able to hook him with your breathless voice alone. You’re very skilled at what you do, so it’s only fair you get paid for it.

But buying your services isn’t enough. It’s not a real relationship, but it certainly feels like it when he buys preferential treatment. Private shows, special requests, odd favors—you do it all because he pays for it. But this relationship isn’t going to be one-sided forever. You’ll have to pay him back in full eventually. Scara likes to think he has patience and that waiting is fine. It gives him more time to plan his next move—to figure out what he should do to finally have you all to himself. So that those private shows he watches through a screen can finally be real.

Scara finds the journal sitting innocently on Kazuha’s bed, its maroon cover and maple leaves pulling at his curiosity. He might not know everything about Kazuha, but he’d recognize this journal anywhere. His roommate almost always has it on his person. Scara wouldn’t be surprised if he slept with it. To say he’s curious would be absolutely correct. He can only wonder what Kazuha writes in that thing. Perhaps it’s just notes for a class. That’s what anyone would think, right?

Scara opens it and flips through the first few pages. They’re normal for the most part. Just a bunch of haikus and other useless scribbles. When he skips over some pages, he starts to find things that are far more interesting than poetry and doodles of cats. He finds the majority of the journal is comprised of information. More specifically, there are facts and other knowledge about you—the cam model he’s been obsessed with ever since he stumbled upon your onlyfans. He reads through as much of the journal as he can and instantly learns so much: your address, your roommate, your workplace, your friends’ names, names of any potential exes. The list goes on and on.

Scara doesn’t have anything against Kazuha. His first impression of him wasn’t anything groundbreaking. He thought he was a pushover at first. But now that he knows what this journal holds… Well, it sheds an entirely new light on his roommate.

Just days before Scara took a peek inside his journal, Kazuha discovers your secret online life. He snoops through Scara’s laptop when he steps out, having left it open and unlocked. He’s just trying to find what could have caught Scara’s interest, as he’s almost always glued to his laptop on specific days at specific times, with his headphones on and his gaze unyielding. He doesn’t intend to find the file of one of your private videos—something that was meant only for Scara’s eyes.

He clicks on the video out of interest. He’s not sure what he was expecting to see, but it definitely wasn’t this. Kazuha sits there and stares at the sight before him. You’re dressed in skimpy lingerie and you’re muttering the dirtiest things while coating your fingers in lube. And your hands are stroking a thick toy and you’re addressing Scara and you’re lining it up to your hole and— He shuts the laptop before it can get even more explicit than it already is. He’s so conflicted, fraught with a betrayal so strong it weighs his heart down.

Why would he have this sort of video on his laptop? Did you give it to him? Did he make you do this? Are you in danger? Are you still pure?

Kazuha can’t kill on campus. It’s way too risky and he’d be one of the first suspects if Scara’s body is found. Besides, it’s not like he has the full story. He doesn’t know whether or not Scara’s done something that’s worthy of death. You could just be in a tight spot. He knows how easily you give in when you’re under pressure. Maybe you’re just doing this because you feel like it’s the only thing you can do. Not to worry; Kazuha will save you before Scara can ruin your purity with his twisted fantasies.

They confront each other when the time feels right. Kazuha struggles to keep a smile plastered to his face for the sake of politeness, while Scara holds in his raging temper so that he can bear some semblance of cooperation. Neither of them is happy to hear that the other went through their stuff, but they force themselves to make up because a more pressing issue is at hand: their connection to you.

Kazuha says he’s your secret admirer. Scara says he’s in a relationship with you. There’s no way you’d ever date someone like Scara—Kazuha knows this for a fact. Yet he falters at the confidence in Scara’s tone. That can’t be the truth, right? Despite this, Kazuha still strikes up an offer: If they work together to get what they both want, they’ll be unstoppable. With Scara’s riches and his influence and Kazuha’s charisma and clever thinking, they can easily get their hands on you. Of course this means they’ll have to share, but it’s not a big deal when they’re already in so deep. They both know the other’s secret; now they’re swearing to keep it in the pursuit of having you all to themselves. And luckily Scara agrees to the deal, but that doesn’t give Kazuha a reason to lower his guard.

However despite how well they work together when it comes to planning the kidnapping and actually executing it, they both have their own reasons for wanting you. Scara wishes to make his relationship with you a reality—to toss aside the screen that once held him back and finally do all of the things he could only do in his dreams. Kazuha seeks to protect your fragile heart, lest you crumble under Scara’s intense way of doing things and cling to him for salvation. You can’t do those sorts of things with Scara; he won’t allow it. Your purity is meant for him and no one else.

But sharing is caring and some have to learn that the hard way. It definitely brings Kazuha and Scara closer together, even if neither of them will admit it. If they look past their desires, they can be friends. And soon enough they’ll have to accept this new friendship if they want to avoid any unnecessary complications.

However there are times when they’ll cooperate in order to do things with you. They’re a packaged deal you can’t get rid of.

[harfanfare]

How to win a heart of Jamil Viper?

1.   Don’t be a typical hero(ine).

Contrary to the popular romance trope, tripping over the air to land on a certain cool-looking boy, and dropping all carried things, wouldn’t make Jamil fall for you. Instead, just falling because of you and sharply crashing with a floor would make him rather cautious around you and keeping a distance whether he has anything in his hands.

Believe him or not, he doesn’t need another ditsy and erratic person around him—like a certain leader from a certain dorm, who happens to create a mess anytime, anywhere.

So, let someone else be the protagonist of the story.

In that situation, you may be a side character that gets its way through obstacles and classic borders of story scheme and is much more interesting than the main persona.

That’s how you get his attention.

‎‎‎‎‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

2.   Be a help.

Oh, a person that would help him with his chores means to him much more than gold. Sometimes.

“Can I help you anyhow?” you asked when Jamil was going to the kitchen after a daily training with the rest of the dorm. He lifted his eyebrow, waiting for further explanation. “I mean with cleaning or something.”

Jamil glanced at you, not sure about your intentions.

Who would like to do something to help without having something in return? With only your will? No, it doesn’t work well in the same sentence.

But some help would be great. So, he just needs to keep sure that he won’t fall into any trap for letting you help, yes?

“Sure,” he said casually, not letting his face nor voice reveal any of his thoughts he run into. “[Name], right? Could you bring and clean the dishes from longue?”

And you helped. You really helped him a lot, staying over two hours till everything was shimmering with cleanliness and your abrupt desire to clean something and be more useful, burned out.

“Thank you for your help,” Jamil said, after correcting the last cushion in the Scarabia’s longue. You flashed him a smile. “But why, if I can ask, did you offer it in the first place?”

He got a quick response in form of a shrug.

“I... don’t really know,” you admitted, glancing at him. “...But you don’t complain, no?”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

3.   Be his dish taster.

“The way to a one's heart is through his stomach.”

“Try it,” Jamil handed you a spoon filled with some kind of stew. You consentaneously your opened mouth and drank all content of the spoon. Your mouth filled with many flavours and you couldn’t be sure if you ever ate that good combination in your life. “How was that?”

“Excellent as always.”

You said it all sincerely and maybe would have asked for seconds, if not the fact that Jamil already turned his back to you and got back to pots. He took another spoon and tried the dish himself, clicked his tongue and added more salt.

Once again, he turned to you and handed you a spoon.

“And how was that now?”

“Excellent as always,” you chuckled as he frowned at you.

“Don’t you think that you should add more words to your dictionary? You say the same thing on every dish,” once he said that you finished drying the last plate and preparing silverware for today’s fiesta.

“Don’t you think that I won’t be able to eat anything at the party when I will eat enough of your cooking now to write a poem about each of your culinary masterpieces?” Jamil chuckled slightly at your words.

“So, you don’t want any more?” he teased, but inside he was really flushed. Praises or cajolery, it all makes his heart skip a beat.

Finally, there was someone who appreciated all work he’s done.

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

4.   Distract Kalim from him.

“You really shouldn’t go there,” you said, your voice as serious as you could keep it. “I mean, what if there is a monster who wants to kidnap you?”

Kalim cocked his head a little, considering your words. After a while, he nodded, fully convinced by your argument.

“You’re right,” he said. “I will warn others about this..!”

Kalim turned on his heel and spotted some people returning from morning classes. He ran to them, greeting them and walking with them as he tried to introduce the situation.

Still not believing Kalim fall for your words, you were standing alone in the centre of the corridor, a bit dumbstruck to discover the excuse Jamil came up with work.

“...Are you sure, you don’t want to tell him that some student’s from other dorm are here?” you asked as if saying to yourself your thoughts aloud.

But there was someone, someone who was hiding behind a big potted palm. He only gave you thumbs up as a preventative measure if there was still a chance that Kalim didn’t just dash through the halls to talk with some dorm students.

Jamil only looked at you and mouthed “No. Party. Today.” and quietly shifted to the corner, where the wall hid him and he could finally get up.

Mission accomplished.

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

5.   Get rid of bugs for him.

“[Name],” Jamil called out to you, bursting through the door to your room. He looked very pale and panic was staying still in his eyes. “Would you be so kind to... deal with an intruder?”

You frowned a little before biting back a sigh. At first, you were concerned. Even Kalim getting in a serious mess didn’t make him react that seriously. But then you remembered that there was one thing that could make Jamil call you out of nowhere, acting like in an emergency. Emergency only in eyes of few.

Bugs.

Jamil never admitted to you that he is scared of them, but every time you brought up the topis, he snapped his fingers at it, saying that insects just aren’t his favourite kind of animal.

“Hmm~ Maybe after I finish this chapter,” you said, conspicuously turning a page of the book you were reading and with all your will trying not to smile nor to look at the wincing expression Jamil was wearing.

“[Name],” he said, his voice shaking with anger or frustration. “Go there right now or I will make sure you won’t get today’s dinner.”

...No dinner?

“Yes, mum,” you said putting the textbook aside and getting up from the comfortable couch.

Of all people, Jamil is probably the only one—well, maybe also Trey—that could make those words sound dangerous. Like, no dinner made by the best chef in Scarabia? It would be pure agony.

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

6.   Have competitions.

“Aren’t you a little too good in this game?” you asked, regretfully placing pieces of the game back to the initial places.

He gave you a smile that slowly turned into a smirk, as you groaned at the next round you have lost. You flopped on the big pillow, all your will to play destroyed, as you sank between really cosy material.

“I told you I won’t give you a head start,” Jamil said, his steady voice mixed with amusement. “You even told me that you don’t want me to go easy on you before the game started.”

“Too bad,” you clicked your tongue at his response. “I was sure that after watching you play with Kalim, I remembered your tactics.”

You’ve watched at least eight rounds of Jamil and Kalim playing this game, and when it was coming to end, you were almost sure you understood and remembered the technique he was using in certain situations.

But, to your disappointment, it looked like he – even without using any of his tricky cards in his sleeve – was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, because, after three moves, you knew that probably all three were wrong when the opponent was Jamil.

“You gained nothing by it. Of course, I lost to him or... there would be a trouble,” he exclaimed. “You are different.”

“Oh, thank you. I can lose but he can’t, huh?” you frowned at him as he almost choked on the surprise he felt by hearing your response.

“...Yeah, that’s it. Just it.”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

7.   Have study sessions together.

“One class had a test before us,” you said scrolling through your class chat group. “They said that there wasn’t any question about these dates.”

Jamil scribbled down years of the most important magic wars, from time to time looking at you who were listing some test exercises and feeling somehow unmotivated to even properly open a history book.

Your notebook was lying in front of you, today’s lesson topic on the top of the page and many detailed doodles on its margin.

Once again... what was the unit you are having an exam about?

“It doesn’t mean, we won’t get a question about that,” Jamil tried to convince you, sliding textbook your way. “Now, read that aloud, while I prepare notes.”

You blinked twice as if woken up from daydreaming. Were you daydreaming?

“Are you sure..? I mean, all I will do is reading. Wouldn’t you rather want us to read it silently and then share our notes after this?”

“Don’t think about it much. I really like your voice,” he said it so thoughtlessly you weren’t sure if said it as an unarguable fact or just his smooth talker abilities were showing off, “and gave me your notes for the last exam so we’re even. And you won’t do any good notes when you’re sulking over this exam like that.”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

8.   Remind him to take breaks.

“You won’t get out of here,” you exclaimed spreading your arms as shielding a door from him. “Not a chance.”

Jamil stood a feet next to you, grimace stretching on his lips as he knew what’s coming up.

“I have to go, [Name].”

He tried to get through you, lightly removing you of his way. He wasn’t a fan of using force on anyone, and he was a hater of using force on you.

Much more than a speakable argument, you were pushing each other closer or further from the door, having a staring contest and reciting all the things he had done in the past two days; except for his daily duties and with the upcoming birthday party of few students of Scarabia who happen to have a celebration in the same day, the number of tasks he was given was overwhelming.

“Stop it!” you protested, trying to push him back. “I am seriously worried about you! Please... take a break.”

Every time he was coming closer to the exit, you stepped back, blocking his way, bumping into him and having to try again.

“You know I have a lot of work to do,” he said, finally stepping back and giving you a break from trying to separate him from the door. “I can’t just give up all my duties, even if I would love a break.”

“I can do it for you,” you quickly offered. “But please, now, go to sleep and don’t you dare touch anything related to school or cleaning.”

...What a weird request.

When was the last time anyone told him to take a break?

He doesn’t remember.

But now, he can say it was recently, all thanks to you.

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

9.   Promise.

It was really hard for him once all his hard work to keep a high position within the dorm students suddenly dropped after his overblot accident.

“[Name]...”

However, the thing he regretted the most was hurting you. Taking the whole dorm under his unique magic spell, the hypnosis also affected you, making you another servant of his. Even you weren’t the one he ordered a lot, you felt betrayed that even the friendship you two developed didn’t stop him from overblotting.

And if he knew that you would avoid him like fire after the accident, he would probably hesitate a lot.

His throat tightened as he saw you one day in the corridor, looking somehow lonely and tired. He dashed to you, beseeching you to talk to him.

“Sorry for asking, but, Jamil, you don’t hate me, right?” you asked with a pain in your voice. You couldn’t even look at his face, feeling the incomprehensible weight in your gaze. “I mean... Do you only act in front of me friendly? ...Like... with Kalim..?”

“No, no, no,” he protested quickly, making it almost sound like a plea. He gently grabbed your hands, praying that you won’t harshly jerk them back because of him. “I don’t hate you. I really like you. I mean every word I said to you.”

The feeling of release struck you like thunder, you took a big breath, your eyes watering. You slowly reached for his touch, finally ending in a hug.

Jamil ran his fingers through your hair, smelling a familiar, reassuring scent of yours. After a while, he whispered a question.

“So... could you please not avoid me anymore? I know it will be hard to bring up the same relationship we had, but... could you give me a second chance?”

“Okay. But under one condition,” you said, slightly backing off from him. Before he could wonder about the term you would require from him, you finished your thought. “You must be honest with me. I... don’t know what will I do if it all turned to be a play...”

“I will,” he replied, putting his whole heart in these two words. “I will always be honest with you. And won’t ever use my unique magic on you.”

You looked up at him, a small smile starting to rise and heart-throbbing more wilder with his words. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

10.            Make him confess.

“What are you doing this weekend?”

Jamil appeared in front of you, almost like popping out of nowhere, as you were done with today’s lessons and slowly heading to your dorm. He caught up with you, changing his pace to match yours.

“I have no plans. I will be probably sleeping or something,” you answered honestly, shrugging and reminding yourself that you should finally hang out with some people from your class to make sure your social life isn’t all over dead.

You were walking in quietly before Jamil broke silence and spoke up again.

“Would you like to go somewhere?” he asked his voice only giving a hint of nervousness—it was nothing compared to the stress he felt inside. It was just a “yes or no” question, he knew that he will meet in future many amazing people like you and shouldn’t be stressed, but having someone so dear to him being asked for a meeting where he will try to finally out find his feeling... it is stressful.

“Hehe~ what, are you asking me on the date?” you teased, but much more than mocking, you were hoping for an answer. For the honest answer, he promised you.

“...And what if I am?” he asked, his voice a bit hushed, but steady.

You felt how heat was coming all the way up to your cheeks, although you tried your best not to let anything more, as if a blush wasn’t obvious enough, know how excited and spellbound you are.

“Then, your wish is my command.”

[onovnii]

Hi! Could you you do the love letter thing with satan and asmo? I really liked that prompt ♡

# love letters 2

feat. satan , asmodeus x gn!mc

summary. mc gives their boys a love letter :)

cw. none, just fluff!

author n. sure thing anon! hope you like it ^^

satan.

▸ giving satan a love letter is a perfect idea. it’s straight out of a romance novel

▸ despite what many may think, cliches like that are his guilty pleasures.

once you had found out about satan’s love for reading, curiosity had gotten the best of you, as usual.

when he had invited you to the library in HoL, you decided it was a perfect time to ask questions. partially out of curiosity, but mostly because you had a plan. you’ve had a little crush on the fourth born since nearly the start of the exchange program. despite it being months into it, you still felt your heart race whenever he’s near.

“ah— satan, may i ask you something?” you nervously inquired while looking at the selection of books. looking over to your side, satan was skimming through the book summaries.

“hmm? what is it?”

“do you read romance— i uh- i mean, what kind of romance…tropes do you like in books….” satan only laughed at the awkwardness of that question. you felt your face getting hot with embarrassment.

“well, most of the romance books i’ve read came from the human world. you humans have such an interesting way of writing for it” satan handed you a book. it was a popular book back in the human world, you recognized it’s title. satan began to further explain what he likes.

apparently, he loves cliches. that was more than enough for you.

▸ the idea came to you in the middle of the night.

▸ thinking it was the best idea ever, you quickly got up out of your bed and rushed towards your desk.

▸ you started drafting it. you needed this letter to be perfect.

▸ satan is picky, he likes things a certain way.

▸ if you wanted him to accept your love, you needed to go all the way.

▸ so of course, you went for his weakness.

▸ poetry.

▸ satan loves poems of any kind. he thinks poetry is the best way to write an emotional piece. (he knows from experience)

▸ thanking the gods for human schools constantly cramming poetry down your throat, you had a basic idea on how to write it.

▸ after 17 different drafts later, you finally finalized one that you deemed perfect…but you still were nervous…

▸ so naturally, you wanted someone to read it through beforehand.

- who else but the one brother who’s not only the closest to satan, but an expert on love? asmodeus.

▸ you waited until the “day” to tell him about it.

▸ during breakfast, you came into the room asking for asmo.

▸ much to the other brothers dismay, asmo happily retreated back to your room.

▸ he was excited. you never really call him to your room after all! ‘oh what could the adorable human want’ he’d think

▸ when he finds out about your little plan though… he’s ecstatic! not only for you, but for satan as well!

▸ while reading it, asmo could feel his heart melt at every word.

▸ if this letter was for him, he would’ve kissed you on the spot!

▸ asmo tells you it’s perfect as is.

▸ he also tells you the perfect time to give this to him, at night.

▸ it’s when satan’s the most calm. more emotional as well.

▸  asmo promises to keep this a secret from satan. (but his excitement throughout the day causes satan to get suspicious….)

▸ either way, once “night” fell, you knocked softly on satan’s door.

▸ already knowing it was you, satan opened the door.

▸ his soft expression when he saw you almost made you combust.

▸ you don’t think your heart could take it…

▸ once you stepped into his room, you could feel your heart pounding in your chest. your hands already sweaty and your feet shifting weight from one to the other.

▸ satan is no idiot, he sensed your nervousness.

▸ before he could ask, you reached into your pocket and pulled out a light green envelope.

▸ you couldn’t even say anything, too nervous to speak.

▸ one word and you could ruin this whole thing, you thought.

▸ satan opened the envelope, a white sheet of paper with words written in cursive.

▸ he carefully read through it.

▸ you couldn’t tell what he was thinking, his face was completely straight.

▸ you felt like you were gonna throw up…did he not like it? did he not like you???

▸ little did you know, satan did like you.

▸ satan could feel the emotions that were poured into this short poem.

▸ it was enough to awaken a sort of emotion within him, something he didn’t think he would really feel.

▸ the feeling was love.

▸ he’s loved before— cats , his brothers to an extent,

▸ but never has he felt this kind of love. the sort of love he’s read about, seen in movies, dreamt of.

▸ the love that makes you feel whole. for a moment, he had forgotten he was a demon born from rage.

▸ satan didn’t say anything— he couldn’t. no amount of words could ever phrase what he wad feeling at the moment.

▸ instead, he took your hands and looked you in the eyes.

▸ his gaze was soft and uncertain.

▸ satan kissed each of your knuckles, an action that only further flustered you.

“thank you, mc. i’m at a loss for words… but just know i share the feeling, okay? i love you just as much, if not more”

amsodeus.

▸ he’s recieved many, many, many letters before.

▸ as much as he’s loved them all, asmo never truly treasured them. he’s never kept any of them either.

▸ asmo prefers a more direct way of confessing.

▸ but, if it’s you… you can expect him to frame your letter.

giving a love letter to asmo is tricky. there’s a certain way you gotta go about it to catch his attention. stuffing it into his locker at school would never work. it’ll only get drowned in the sea of letters he gets daily.

there’s only one way you can do this— directly. just giving it to him out of the blue wont work either. while he might see it, it won’t necessarily catch him off guard and make him go “wow!” , the reaction you want from him.

so, you devised a plan, something that’ll really knock asmo off his feet. you’ll take asmo out for a date first— you usually do anyway so he won’t suspect a thing. you’ll dress in an outfit he got you, asmo always loved seeing you in clothes he picked. you’ll personally treat him this whole day.

▸ after working your ass off for WEEKS you had enough money to splurge ! enough that’ll make mammon cry tears of joy. (too bad this isnt for him)

▸ you had texted asmo the night before, asking if he could spend the day with you.

▸ of course, he said yes. why would he ever turn down such a request??

▸ today neither of you had school. it was a free day (assuming they have one 💀)

▸ you popped into his room while he was getting ready.

▸ asmo was in the middle of doing his eyeliner when he saw you.

▸ he turned to face you and smiled, that smile you loved so much.

▸ it was the kind of smile that had you smiling too. the kind where you could spend hours looking at.

▸ you could feel yourself falling deeper for him... he probably knew it too

▸ he was dressed in something cute, cherry red. a color asmo had taken a liking to recently.

▸ you pulled out a small box from your pocket and gave it to him.

▸ it was a necklace, one he had been wanting for a while but never got the chance to get it.

“mc!! darling, how did you get this?? it’s beautiful thank you!”

▸ amso excitedly wrapped his arms around you.

▸ his scent was intoxicating to say the least… you nearly forgot why you were there.

▸ anyways, back to the date— it went amazing.

▸ you fr was asmo’s sugar daddy/mommy for a day 💀

▸ going out shopping, taking him out to eat, etc etc. asmo was having fun and so were you.

▸ when it was nearly the end, asmo thanked you for today.

▸ but he asked if there was something on your mind

▸ apparently, he could tell there was something you wanted to say to hum all day. not surprising. he’s always been very in tune with you.

▸ you sigh and pull a small letter from your pocket. it was the same shade of red he liked.

▸ you told him you wanted today to be special. just so when you gave the letter it had more meaning behind it.

▸ asmo read through the letter and smiled.

“oh mc… you’re so cute you know that? you didn’t have to go all out for me! as much as i appreciate it, i would’ve loved it even if you just handed it to me. letters like these are more meaningful when they come from someone special, right?”

▸ he leaned in close to give you a chaste kiss

▸ he laughed at your taken back reaction

“thank you, my love. i’ll forever cherish today.”

- val

[destieldailynews]

Misha Collins Cameo Videos (Top Trending)

March 17, 2021

On Tuesday March 16, supernatural star Misha Collins released his first batch of cameo videos. In combination, these videos caused supernatural to trend once again across platforms. The most popular of the cameo videos are transcribed here with links (we will release another post summarizing the rest of the videos, which are mostly personal greetings.)

Still Beautiful & What Cas is Doing Now 

“Hey heller friends. Bridget wanted me to say hi, and to say [Cas voice] Still beautiful, still Dean Winchester. [regular voice] Shit! My Cas voice is rusty. I don’t know what I, how, Hogwarts house Cas is in. I know that I am a...flugmort. I don’t even know the names of the hogwarts houses, guys, this is not working for me. What do i think Cas is up to now? I think Cas is up there, with his sleeves rolled up, having a massive...ping pong championship in Heaven. There’s ping pong everywhere, that’s all people do now. It’s like, um, It’s like Forrest Gump when he was recuperating. Any words of wisdom to my fans? Stay happy, do your best”

link to video on twitter

Talking about Cas Coming Out (from CTE)

The prompt was: Could you please record yourself as Cas and talk about what his coming out meant to him? 

“I’m not going to speak as Castiel because [chuckle] Warner Brothers has specifically forbidden it. But I will tell you this. As the actor who plays Castiel I can say that the scene in 15x18 when castiel expressed his love for Dean was very important to me, and it felt like a really meaningful, deeply important conclusion to my character’s arc on the show, and I’ve heard a lot of people saying that it meant a lot to them, and that means the world to me. Umm, that's a conversation that i would love to have more of, but, uh thank you [wink] bye!’

link to video on twitter

Ideal Destiel Kiss?

“Hey Jess, I...I was not able to read your story because I just, I just don’t have time right now. I am trying to help a friend who has a very sick kid and it’s kind of taken over my day. But I, I will tell you this.  When I got your request to describe the ideal Destiel kiss, that’s not something I have put enough thought into. But I will tell you this: I am deeply gratified and grateful that Castiel got to have his parting words on the show. That, for me, was so so meaningful and I was so grateful that Cas got to have that ending. I hope you’re well. Sending love, bye!”

link to video on Cameo 

Destiel Reunion Hug

The prompt was: Since we were unable to see Cas rescued from the Empty & in heaven in the finale after his romantic confession to Dean & subsequent death, what would you have liked to have seen for Dean & Cas’ reunion if given the opportunity to decide yourself? 

“I’ll answer this question for you about Dean and Cas and a reunion. I would love to just see the most authentic, loving hug. I could imagine them just, like, grabbing each other and hugging.”

link to video on tumblr 

Cas’s Retirement In Heaven 

“Hey Caryn! I love that you are looking out for Cas’s posthumous well-being in Heaven. Is it posthumous...I guess he’s resurrected, and now he’s rebuilding heaven. I would say this about Cas and what he’s doing in Heaven: I think cas, sadly, will never retired, but I think that also for Cas, doing good work is what he would want to do in his retirement anyway, and I’m sure that he’s doing good work now. I think he’ll never stop. Bye...I hope the same is true of you!”

link to video on Cameo 

Theoretical SPN Revival 

“Hey Alex. I would love to one day get the band back together for a SPN revival of some sort, whether it’s a movie, or a limited run series, or just some little odd casts. Wouldn't it be fun to get together Sam, Dean, Cas, and Alex for a, I mean Jack, for a little, little chit-chat, vocal, audio, podcast? And it would be lovely, one day, to see, to have Dean discuss the impact of Cas’s comments, cause it was never really done. I’m sending you love. Bye!”

link to video on twitter

More Ping Pong

“[Cas voice] Hello Dean. [regular voice] No, no, no. Hello, Kyalin, how are you? I don’t know, I don’t know if you’ve thought about this at all, but I think Cas and Dean are probably playing a lot of ping pong in heaven right now. As you know, they’re ping pong fanatics. I hope that you’re having fun. I hope you’re having fun with your mom, who takes such good care of you. You’re a lucky one [wink] bye!” 

link to video on twitter

Thoughts on how Cas Helped People

“Hey Rich, thanks for your messages. Really gratifying to hear and of course I’m so sorry to hear that you went through such a rough stretch but I’m glad you’re alive, I’m glad these fictional characters helped you, and I...I’m just going to say i'm really happy that Cas got to go out sending a message that authentically loving who you want to love is something that can potentially save the world. That’s a nice message, maybe something to carry with us.”

Personal Congratulations and Poem Reading 

“Hey Fitz. I am wishing you a happy top surgery. What a monumental moment for you, that’s huge. Take care of yourself, rest up, be gentle in your recovery. And now I’m going to read you a paragraph, because I have been instructed to. This is from your friend Brook. [Cas voice] We are the last of all things. Come to me in darkness and daylight and aching. Come to me mourning: proselytizing. [regular voice] I can’t talk like Cas anymore [laugh] oh my goodness. Come to me, Sisyphus, we’ll roll this boulder back down the hill together. If we go fast enough it feels like falling or flying. I really don’t know what just happened to me [laugh] it’s rusty.” 

[italicized sections are quotes from the poem] 

link to video on tumblr

link to original poem and author's tumblr 

Request From MCR-Natural 

 “Hey MRC Natural Discord. I don’t...know what that is. The question is: what member of Team free Will would most likely get a stigmata and what would Castiel’s role be in such said scenario, and the answer is obviously Sam and the rationale is that, oh no, Castiel’s involvement is that he secretly used his angel blade to cause the stigmata, while Sam was sleeping. He numbed him with his magical powers and then secretly gave him a stigmata to help exacerbate his savior complex. Thanks, bye.”

[wingodex]

Sourcing Copley’s Sociogram

so this started out because i recognized some of the photographs and art on copley’s wall, and got curious about everything else. i know that the dates and locations of the original pictures don’t necessarily have anything to do with what they’re supposed to be in the movie but i thought it was interesting enough to share. plus i spent a not insignificant amount of time tracking down some of these images. the organization is a mixture between chronologically in the show and from a timeline perspective. the rest is under the cut

So we start out with this mosaic that you see when Andy looks at the sociogram for the first time while confronting Copley. This is a Roman mosaic found in Antioch, which is near modern-day Antakya, Turkey. It’s from the 4th century CE and shows an Amazon Warrior in mounted combat against a Greek soldier. Mosaics were found in both private and public buildings throughout the Roman empire. They’re made up of small cut pieces of marble, tile, glass, pottery, stone and shells called tesserae.

Here you have the title page of the 1668 edition of Andromaque, a play written by Jean Racine. It was first performed in November of 1667 for the court of Louis XIV by a company of actors called “les Grands Comédiens.” The play follows the story of Andromache after the Trojan War when her husband Hector has been killed and she has been taken prisoner.

The portrait of Andromache is from the book “Promptuarium Iconum Insigniorum” by Guillaume Rouillé. The book was published in Lyon, France, in 1553. The book is made up of portraits designed as medals, along with brief biographies for notable figures. The art was done using woodcut and there are 950 woodcut portraits in the book.

This is a fresco of Mycenaean woman bearing gifts. It’s from Thebes and was reconstructed by H. Reusch in 1956. The original fresco is from 1400-1200 BCE. Frescos were popular decoration, not just in palaces and tombs but in storerooms, kitchens and workshops. Fresco painting is a technique where the drawing is made on wet plaster. When the plaster dries, the image becomes a permanent part of the wall.

You also have a map by Bernardus Sylvanus (Bernardo Silvano) of Northern India and Central Asia. It’s one of the earliest obtainable maps of the area and the first printed in two colors. This map first appeared in Silvanus’ “Claudii Ptholemaei Alexandrini liber Geographicae” published in Venice in 1511.

This is a photograph of an ornamented, golden Minoan double-axe, or a “labrys.” In ancient Crete, the double axe was an important sacred symbol of the supposed Minoan religion. In Crete the double axe only accompanies female goddesses, never male gods. In Roman Crete, the labrys was often associated with the mythological Amazons.

This is a picture of the Holyland Model of Jerusalem in the Israel Museum. It’s a 1:50 scale model of Jerusalem in the late Second Temple period. It was originally commissioned in 1966 by the owner of the Holyland Hotel and was eventually relocated to the Israel Museum in 2006.

The first image is the cover of the book “Heroines of the Crusades” by C. A. Bloss. I don’t know if this is the original cover, but it is certainly an older edition. The book was originally published in 1853 and contains biographies of notable women who were involved with the crusades, as well as a general overview of the first through to the eighth crusade.

And then hey, it’s The Hague Map of Jerusalem! This is one of the artworks that I knew before. The original map is from 1190-1200 CE. The map takes some liberties with the layout of the city, prioritizing aesthetics decisions like making it have the layout of a cruciform. Circular maps are also like a thing from this time. It also uhhhhh mislabels some things, such as the Dome of the Rock and the al-Aqsa Mosque, but that’s maybe expected. At the bottom you can see some mounted crusaders chasing after Muslim fighters. It’s drawn on vellum.

I’m grouping these two images together for clarity, because they’re both by the same painter. From the moment I saw the paintings, I thought that this was kind of a weird pull for Copley, but not necessarily for us as viewers. These paintings were done by Italian painter Paolo Domenico Finoglia (known as Finoglio) and are from a series of large paintings based on the poem “Gerusalemme Liberata” (Jerusalem Delivered) published in 1581. These paintings are baroque in style and were commissioned in 1634. The first painting is “The Duel of Raymond of Toulouse and Argante” and the second painting is “The Duel of Tancred and Clorinda”. Now, when I say this choice of paintings makes sense to us, what I mean is that parts of the poem Jerusalem Delivered are about a Christian crusader falling in love with a Muslim defender who he then kills on the battlefield (that’s the second painting of Tancred and Clorinda). It’s a fun parallel, although Clorinda converts to Christianity before she dies. Sidenote, but Joe and Nicky probably hated Jerusalem Delivered if they ever read it

This motherfucking painting. Finding out where this painting came from was an absolute nightmare. Not the worst to find, but certainly frustrating. So this painting can be found in the Borodino Panorama museum, although it’s not part of the panorama. The artist is unknown. The year it was painted is unknown. For all we know fucking Joe painted it. This is such a deep dive, I don’t know how Copley found this image. This painting shows French soldiers in Moscow as it burned. It’s called “Французы в Москве” or “The French in Moscow”.

Did you think we were finished talking about Napoleon? Well, we’re not! Copley has a lot of paintings from Napoleon’s Russian campaign on his board. There might be more on his eastern Europe wall too, but unfortunately, I can’t see it well enough to identify any.

The counterfeits potentially made by Booker show the 40 franc gold coin, known informally as the double Napoleon. These coins were first issued by Napoleon in 1803 to replace the earlier Louis coins. They were originally minted in two denominations: 20 francs and 40 francs, although they were minted in denominations of 5, 10 and 50 at various other times. The coins were designed and engraved by Jean Pierre Droz, and Pierre-Joseph Tiolier respectively. In the particular image of the coin that I found, you can actually see Droz’s signature. Tiolier’s signature appears in full on the dies that he cut himself (these coins only have a monogram). From screenshots of the end credits, I can’t actually see the specific denomination, nor can I see the date clearly, however I do know that the coins were minted sometime between 1807 and 1808. There were many different issues of these coins during Napoleon’s reign, and the fact that Napoleon has a laurel crowned head and that the coin says République Française rather than Empire Français narrows the timeline a bit. I might revisit this topic at a later date so watch out for that.

The first painting is “The Battle of Borodino, 7 September 1812” by Louis-François Lejeune in 1822. It’s oil on canvas. This painting depicts the attack on the Shevardino Redoubt, seen from the French side. While it was a French victory, it was a costly battle for both sides. During the Russian Campaign, Lejeune was général de brigade, although he ended up abandoning his post because of frostbite during the retreat and got arrested. He actually kept his paintbrushes with him on the battlefield. This painting was his masterwork. Now, with regards to the actual content of the painting, Booker would have been in the Battle of Borodino, as he didn’t try to desert until after the Battle of Smolensk.

The second painting is “Die Schlacht bei Borodino” (The Battle of Borodino) by Peter von Hess. It was painted in 1843 and is oil on canvas. Von Hess was a German painter who specialized in historic paintings of the Napoleonic Wars and the Greek War of Independence. This painting depicts the same battle as the previous one, although the focus is on the Russian and Lithuanian soldiers, rather than the French. This also shows an event from later in the battle; the counterattack on the Rayevsky Battery.

The last image is “The Boasted Crossing of the Niemen at the Opening of the Campaign of 1812 by N. Bonaparte” by John Heaviside Clark and Matthew Dubourg. The painting was based on a sketch by an officer, then painted by Heaviside Clark and engraved by Dubourg. It’s a coloured aquatint and was published in 1816. The crossing of the Niemen marks the beginning of the Russian Campaign in June of 1812.

There are actually quite a few photos of ToG during the Crimean war (1853-1856). These are actually some of the first war photographs ever taken, which is kind of neat, I guess. These photos were taken by Roger Fenton, a British photographer. These photos would have all been taken in 1855, so the tags on the photos are anachronistic but we can let it slide. The first image with Joe and Nicky is of Croat labourers. The second image of Andy is of a vivandière, a French woman attached to military regiments as a sutler. The last image (also of Joe and Nicky) is of British soldiers and is on of the covers of the book Victorians at War by Ian Beckett.

The photograph from the American civil war was originally of Union Generals, including General Philip Sheridan. At the time of this picture, Sheridan lead the Cavalry Corps, and the flag that you see in the picture is cavalry, so ToG rode horses during the American Civil War, according to this picture. It was taken in 1864.

I find the pictures of Haiti to be very interesting. First off, (and unrelated to the photographs themselves) because there was literally a coup d’état about every two years during this period in Haiti and unlike some of the other photos, these ones don’t even try to pretend they were all taken at the same time, or that they’re related at all. They’re just some pictures of Haiti during the early 20th century and it’s funny. All of photographs were taken in Port-au-Prince in Haiti. The first picture (from the upper left corner) is of the Market Square between 1909-1920. The second image is a street scene, between 1890 and 1901. Now the third photograph is making me lose it because in the movie it’s all mysterious, with a figure circled and a question mark, but in the original image it’s just a little kid standing on a public fountain. He’s not a member of the old guard. He’s not even 10 years old. This picture was also taken between 1890 and 1901. The last photo is another street scene, taken in 1901. I have to say, I’m very glad that the people in charge of the sociogram didn’t edited any of the guards’ faces on to anyone in these photos considering every single person in them is Black.

Okay, so now we’re getting into the First World War photos. There are A Lot of WW1 photos. This photo of Andy is actually from Gallipoli and was taken in 1915 by Ernest Brooks, an official war photographer. The Gallipoli campaign was an attempt by the Entente to weaken the Ottoman Empire by taking control of the Turkish Straits. All invasion attempts were unsuccessful and eventually they evacuated the area at the end of 1915. Andy seems to be wearing an Anzac uniform.

As for the rest of the photos in this shot, they’re also all from the Gallipoli campaign. The first photo is from War Illustrated in June of 1915 and shows  Australians soldiers dragging an artillery piece into position at Anzac during the Battle of Gallipoli. The second image is also from 1915 and shows soldiers bringing supplies to the Australian camp. The last image is of Anzac cove shortly after the landing there in 1915.

Originally I didn’t notice that this was an edited picture, but since I was already looking, I decided to track this one down too, and turns out it is edited. I honestly can’t tell whether it’s Booker or Joe, but that kind of looks like Matthias Schoenaerts’ nose, so I’m gonna say that’s Booker. This photograph was taken in May 1917 by Lieutenant John Warwick Brooke in Arras, France. These are British troops at the Battle of Arras, which at the time achieved the honor of longest advance in trench warfare. The battle was very costly on both sides, with around 290,000 casualties total. Warwick Brooke was an official British war photographer.

On the very right-hand side, you can see two pictures. The first one is of infantry of the 1st Canadian Division having a meal in the trenches at Ploegsteert, March 1916. It was taken by another official British war photographer, Lieutenant Ernest Brooks.

The next photo is from a series of photos of a raiding party of the 10th Battalion. It’s of the Cameronians (Scottish Rifles) waiting in nap for the signal to go. John Warwick Brooke, the photographer, followed them in the sap, where a shell fell short killing seven men. It was taken near Arras in March 1917. This photo takes place after the Battle of the Somme, during the German withdrawals to the Hindenburg line.

This fucking image. I’m so angry about this image. I spent hours going through World War 1 photo databases and then when I found the original source of the image it told me absolutely nothing!!! A waste of time!!! This is an image of a British soldier assisting two little French girls who had just escaped death but I knew that already, that’s how I found it in the first place. This photo was from the Haig “Official Photographs” series, which were from 1916 onwards. Edit: I found it again!!! This photo was taken in Bethune in May 1918. It was taken by war photographer Ernest Brooks. In April of 1918, the German Sixth Army tried to attack Bethune during the Battle of Lys (Fourth Battle of Ypres) but were repulsed. It was taken between offensives on the Western Front during the German spring offensive. The next major battle on this part of the Western Front began weeks after this picture was taken.

On the top of the screen there are two photographs. The first is a photo by Ernest Brooks from the Battle of Broodseinde (October 1917). The battle was part of a larger offensive - the third Battle of Ypres - engineered by Sir Douglas Haig to capture the Passchendaele ridge. This is an anti-aircraft gun in action during the battle. 

The next photograph is also from the German spring offensive, between the Battle of Lys and the Battle of the Third Battle of the Aisne. It shows a 12-inch gun (named "Bunty") of the Royal Garrison Artillery firing at Louez in May 1918. This is another photograph by John Warwick Brooke.

This image of Andy was also originally a photograph taken by Lieutenant John Warwick Brooke. This photo is of the 4th Battalion, Gordon Highlanders (51st Division) feeding a French refugee child in their improvised trench near Locon, France in 1918.

There are so many WW1 photos. The rest of these don’t have any of the characters in them as far as we know, so I’ll go over these quickly. The first picture is from the Western Front in France and was likely taken by John Warwick Brooke. This photograph was taken at night and shows two teams of machine gunners, strategically positioned behind some vegetation. The ground behind them looks sandy, suggesting they might be near the coast. Directly in front of the gunners a mine has just exploded, showering the men with debris. This picture was taken in sometime between 1916-18.

The next photo was also taken by John Warwick Brooke in 1917. This picture is of the Battle of Cambrai and shows a 'C' Battalion tank bringing in a captured 15 cm naval gun. Cambrai is an interesting battle because it was a tank/artillery fight mostly, and the British used a lot of new tank/infantry maneuvers. It also ended very badly for the British.

The third photograph was taken by Ernest Brooks. It shows soldiers of the 8th East Yorkshire Regiment moving to the front near Frezenberg in October 1917 prior to the assault (Battle of Broodseinde) the following morning. It was a victory for the British, which eventually led to the Germans withdrawing from the Belgian coast.

The last photograph was taken by Lieutenant William Ivor Castle, the Canadian official photographer in September 1916. It shows a shell being loaded into a 15 inch howitzer. This photograph is from the Battle of the Somme. The Somme was a Franco-British victory but of the 3 million men who fought in it, around 1 million were either injured or killed, making it one of the deadliest battles in human history.

So there’s actually photographic evidence of almost all of ToG being involved with the Spanish Civil War, but I’ll get to those in a second. The image that we see of Nicky in the credits places him at the Battle of Irún in 1936. He is with the Spanish Republican People’s Army. This was a major battle at the beginning of the war, as it allowed the Nationalist Army to capture the province of Gipuzkoa after Irún fell, which had been held by the Republic. It allowed the Nationalist Army to control supplies. The photographer is unknown.

Jumping forward a bit here, but I can’t believe I found this photo, like I wasn’t even looking for it and I found it, but still. Wow. So on the board, it’s shown that Nicky was in the Congo in 1964 during the Simba Rebellion. The original image is of mercenary Gerry Moggach, from Scotland, with self-made guns (Molotov cocktails lmaoo) in November 1964. The Congo Crisis was a period of political upheaval and conflict in the Republic of the Congo (which is now the DRC) and involved a bunch of civil wars that also served as a proxy conflict in the Cold War.

Now, back to Spain and the rest of the guard. From this BTS image of Copley’s sociogram we know that both Booker and Andy were involved in the Spanish Civil War as well. The first image, which Andy is apparently in, was taken in 1936 and shows her with a miliciana, which were battalions of woman who fought to defend the Republic. The photographer is unknown. The second image is of Republican soldiers and civilians. Booker is in this image. The original was taken in 1937 by an unknown photographer.

Now we get into the World War II photographs. This photo of Booker from WW2 was originally taken at Mount Tambu, New Guinea in July of 1943, by Gordon Short. The photo is of Leslie “Bull” Allen, an Australian soldier who was awarded the US Silver Star for rescuing 12 US soldiers while under fire. The battle was fought between Japanese and Allied forces. Australian forces eventually secured the area in August of that year.

This photo frustrates me. First, it doesn’t even look like they manipulated it, but also because “pacific” is written in the near the bottom right corner. Now, I’m not saying that Nicky wasn’t in the Pacific Theatre but now that I know where this image was actually taken it’s like. Ugh. This photo was not taken in the Pacific Theatre, it was taken of American soldiers at Omaha Beach on D-Day, June 6, 1944.  Omaha was the codename given to one of the five sections during the Allied invasion of Normandy. D-Day is the largest seaborne invasion in history, and it eventually led to the liberation of France and the Allied victory on the Western Front. Now personally, I think Nicky being there is very interesting and the timeline meets up better with his other WW2 picture. If you’ve ever seen Saving Private Ryan (1998), that movie opens with the invasion of Omaha Beach.

This photo of Nicky excites me for several reasons but also brings up some important questions about what the fuck Nicky was up to in 1944. The original photograph shows Private G.R. MacDonald giving first aid to a French boy in Brionne on August of 1944. The interesting part for me is the uniform though. MacDonald was part of the Toronto Scottish Regiment (75th Battalion). The Toronto Scottish Regiment were actually part of Operation Jubilee, although they weren’t able to land because of the tide and only had one fatal casualty, which good for them considering what happened to everyone else at Dieppe. Although Nicky probably wasn’t a part of that considering he was with American soldiers earlier in 1944.

Next to Nicky, on the right, you can see a picture of a plane and an explosion behind it. That picture is from Pearl Harbor in December 1941. The picture is taken at the Ford Island seaplane base and you can see the USS Shaw (DD-373) explode in the center background. USS Nevada (BB-36) is also visible in the middle background, with her bow headed toward the left. Several planes are in the foreground, a consolidated PBY, Vought OS2Us and Curtiss SOCs. The wrecked wing in the foreground is from a PBY.

This photograph is of French resistance fighters and was taken in September of 1944. The French resistance was a movement that fought against the occupation of Nazi Germany after 1940. The resistance engaged in guerilla warfare, published underground newspapers, acted as spies for the Allied forces and kept up escape networks for trapped soldiers and airmen. Although the woman in the original picture isn’t identified, there were many other women involved with the French resistance like Simone Segouin, Marie-Madeleine Fourcade, Lucie Aubrac, and Marie-Hélène Lefaucheux.

The first image is of a Boeing B-29A-45-BN Superfortress 44-61784 6 Bombardment Group G 24 BS. It was taken in June of 1945 while it was firebombing Osaka, Japan.

The next two images are of the smoke from the atomic bombs. The first picture is of the mushroom cloud over Hiroshima and was taken by George R. Caron on August 6th, 1945. The second image shows the cloud over Nagasaki and was taken by Charles Levy on August 9th, 1945.

Okay, so this is my absolute fav manipulation in the whole movie, because it looks so good. Here we have Nicky, Joe and Booker as guerrillas during the Cuban Revolution. If you saw this image and thought “wait is that Fidel Castro?” you’d be right! The man gesturing to the ground with a stick is in fact Fidel Castro. Now, what you might have missed is the man next to Castro who has been edited to look like Booker... yeah I’m like 95% sure they put Booker’s face on Che Guevara.

This image of Nicky during the American Civil Rights Movement is from the March on Washington which happened in August of 1963. 250,000 people gathered at the Lincoln Memorial to call for fair treatment and equal opportunity for Black Americans. This is where Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his “I have a Dream” speech.

This picture of Andy, Joe and Nicky is of Martin Luther King Jr’s speech at UC Berkeley in May of 1967. The speech was attended by about 7000 students and he spoke against the Vietnam war. Photograph by Michael Ochs (?)

This photo was taken of US soldiers in Huế during the Vietnam War. The photo was taken in 1968 during the Tet Offensive. Booker is the one behind the medic. There’s a post it note that you can see fully in a BTS image of the sociogram that confirms it’s Booker. The Tet Offensive, which was launched in January of 1968, was one of the largest military campaigns of the Vietnam War, and the largest up to that point. It was a campaign of surprise attacks by the VC and PAVN against military and civilian command and control centers in South Vietnam (ARVN and the USA). The Battle of Huế lasted over a month and resulted in the destruction of the city and the massacre of thousands of civilians.

This photo of Andy helping with Operation Babylift was originally taken in 1975. Operation Babylift was an evacuation of orphans from Saigon in the face of a North Vietnamese Offensive. 3000 orphans were evacuated and at the end of April, Northern Vietnamese forces launched rockets at Saigon.

This image of Andy shows her on the Berlin Wall. The original photo was taken near the Brandenburger Tor in November of 1989. The photo shows West Berliners helping East Berliners climb the Berlin Wall after the opening of the wall was announced by the East German Communist government. The photo was taken by Jockel Finck.

tw ethnic cleansing, tw islamophobia, tw genocide. The photos of Booker in Bosnia and Herzegovina as a combat medic indicate that Booker was in Sarajevo for the Siege of Sarajevo during the Bosnian War, however the original photo was taken of the Cheshire Regiment (1st Battalion) in Ahmići, in April of 1993. The Ahmići Massacre was committed by the Croats during the conflict and was part of a larger series of attacks called the Lašva Valley ethnic cleansing, and targeted Bosnian Muslim civilians. Around 120 people were murdered in Ahmići.

These last images are all from wars within the last 20 years. The first image was taken in Daychopan, Afghanistan by Sgt. Kyle Davis in September, 2003. The photo is of Company A, 2nd Battalion, 22nd Infantry Regiment, 10th Mountain Division. They were searching for Taliban fighters and weapon caches.

The next image is of two aerial photos of the ISIS command and control Centre in Syria, before and after it was bombed by a US F-22 fighter jet in September 2014.

The last image is of a US soldier assisting a wounded Iraqi civilian in Fallujah, Iraq in November, 2004. Photograph was taken by Cpl. Theresa M. Medina.

As for the rest of the photos, (Joe and Nicky saving the man in the cave, Joe in the DRC, some WW2 photos and some background photos in the BTS images and during the movie) I haven’t been able to find them because they’re not clear, I don’t want to look at historical archives anymore or I don’t even know where to start with searching for them. I might pick up searching again later if I decide to become even more like Copley than I already am. If you have any additional info about some of the missing photos let me know! Also if you want any of the original photos or resources just let me know and I can send them to you!

edit: I just want to make this very clear, but some of TOGs involvement here is suspicious as hell. Obviously we don’t know the exact circumstances, but things like Nicky being shown as a mercenary during the Simba rebellion, Booker as an American soldier during the Vietnam War and the images of US soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan have some incredibly negative and incriminating implications. I worry that in my excitement about finding some of these images I glossed over pretty horrific details and context. It’s important to be conscious of some of the very real tragedies and atrocities being shown here.