#i dont even know my own tagging system lmao

[constellationclarke]

In such a weird position reading A Darker Shade of Magic because story-wise it's excellent and a fun magic time and I know if I read it physically I wouldn't have any issues and it would probs go into my excellent fantasy works category, but I'm listening to the audiobook and hating every second of it jesus christ I can't stand this narrator he sucks but since I spent a credit on it and it was over a year ago so I now can't return it, I'm pushing through it and oh boy. i LOVE the story but I'm having the absolute WORST time of it

and i just finished this other audiobook too where the story was good but very mediocre yet the narrator was really good and had such a pleasing voice. It's just. Baffling and amazing how much the performance elevates or ruins a work

[coridallasmultipass]

Personal vent and ugly mental illness symptom talk

So, I should unpack this with my therapist, but shit's embarrassing, so I'm just gonna vent it out on the public internet lmao.

I was typing out a whole thing about how I KNOW I'm aromantic, and despite that, still have moments where my brain gaslights me into believing I'm in fairytale love.

I should preface by saying I have not officially been diagnosed with either additional mental illnesses I believe that I have (B.P//D and AD//HD [which lol being on AD//HD meds since antidepressants didn't do anything has given me some notable improvement, but I'm still without a diagnosis], nor Au//tism) DESPITE repeatedly asking multiple therapists multiple times and a psych like 100 times to give me a definitive yes or a no.

But holy shit. So I'm typing about how I've 'Favourite Person'-ed multiple people at multiple points in my life across all ages, and I'm like, okay, it's been a hot minute since I refreshed my definition of that, I should make sure that's still a thing and not something I just made up or has been dropped from the symptoms or whatever the case. I wanna make sure I'm using it right in this rant about how falling into Favourite Personing people in the past has made me believe 'wait, maybe I'm not aro, this HAS to be like the deepest truest love in existence, despite my years of knowing I'm aro.' Like, I'm so aro I once calculated out the date, months in advance, I was gonna tell someone I was dating that I loved them, only because it seemed like a socially acceptable amount of time to say it. I wasn't thinking about what I actually felt lmao. (And that was probably not a FP relationship, too, so I know that was absolutely an aro incident.)

Anyways, so I'm reading a couple articles to make sure I articulate my points about how it's conflicted with being aro, and I read about how people falling into having a FP will even hate that person for the slightest perceived wrongs. (I knew this, I just was thinking about the love incidents since that's what was related to my point about being aro.)

And holy shit. That just. Unlocked a memory I have about when I was an older kid, like probably 9ish (and older), I HATED my best friend of many years and who would continue being my bff for more years. Who was my everything. I couldn't stop thinking about how much I hated them. I would lie awake at night (insomnia too tho) thinking about how much I hated them and I couldn't understand why I didn't just stop being their friend and start hanging out with old friends more instead. I just couldn't do it, I wanted to hang out with THEM. I was so sick and feeling jealous of them whenever I found out they'd been hanging out with someone else one-on-one and I wasn't invited. Even when it was their own family. One time they brought me a plate of cookies by surprise for (before) a holiday that they'd just made with their cousin or something. And I felt so sick about how I wasn't there for that, it felt like an insult. I couldn't have put this into words, unless I just now read that point in an article and made a connection. It was so confusing, because usually the people who hated their 'best friend' was like, the mean girl kinda character who intentionally does it to hurt the innocent main character or something, but I was the one who felt wronged every time those feelings would come up. And this wasn't just a 'man it's so annoying when they do this specific thing.' This was active stewing, in a slow cooker, all day and all night kinda thing.

I was never romantically or sexually attracted to that person, but I probably wrote all this off as either unrelated sexuality or gender bullshit when I figured that out later. But knowing now that there was definitely someone (actually, I'm thinking of WAY more people as I'm typing this, and just realized why I stopped loving a band and started hating them 'for no reason' wow lmao) that I FP'ed who I definitely WASN'T attracted to, suddenly convinces me that I was probably right in suspecting B.P//D. (Or, y'know, maybe I don't have that specifically, and it's the symptom from a different facet of mental illness or whatever.) I've been so hung up over how I'm aro, sometimes ace, and then this 'only' happens towards people I am attracted to. Like, 'maybe it was love and I'm just terrible at it.' (No! It's not! Aro is correct! That's just the brain manipulating me to get another hit of dopamine off a FP! It's just easier to happen to someone I'm attracted to!)

It's no fucking wonder why I always worried about people hating me in secret, and it's because I was absolutely making myself insufferable because of that worry. I know for a fact that some people definitely did hate (or. Lmao. Shut up. Like, 'resented' maybe fits better) me for demanding constant attention that was never reciprocated by anyone I've ever met in my entire life.

I probably wrote-off so many symptoms as 'I was a moody teen and kind of an asshole.' Except it happened before and after I was a teen, too. I would have excused everything that happened during and before high school, when I should have been looking for these patterns I kept following for years after. It doesn't help that my first relationship was wildly toxic (mostly against me in this one case), and while I didn't feel particularly bothered by it after I got over the nightmare breakup, I just kept going 'What if it was the sole cause of all of this and I'm just repressing that?' Well, phew! No, it's not, that was thankfully just a toxic embarrassment, and not the source of all my problems. I was already on the shitstorm trajectory. That's a major relief. If you can call it that. I really don't like discussing that one, but not in a trauma way, more like a, you don't really wanna discuss pissing your pants on accident kinda way. Unpleasant to remember, wildly embarrassing to talk about, but ultimately not a life-altering event.

Ughhhhh. Maybe I should bring this (the mental illness not the relationship) up to the therapist. But like, I haven't been close friends with anyone in like 6 years or so, so I don't have any current or even recent examples about how being in friendships has always turned out Russian Roulette for me. My therapist doesn't seem to believe how bad it was for me to be in friendships where I was unintentionally FP'ing someone. Because besides the depression and anxiety (and mild OCD), I'm a totally normal person to her who's just dealing with shit health problems and grief (and frustration from being trans and not in a safe place to transition). Y'know, normal life problems most people will feel at some point, just chronic in my case. I may be weird, but I'm obviously far from the worst she's seen. I'm not uniquely mentally ill.

((Except the whole 'treatment resistant depression' diagnosis bullshit from the psych, but I'm learning it's not just mental issues I have that are treatment resistant lol.))

I tried talking to her about a small part of all this before, but IDK what I did wrong, she took it 100% as me being the one unintentionally wronged and not setting MY own boundaries (lmao), so like I don't know how to word this in a way she'd understand that most of my problems in this area were my own fault. (I mean that both negatively and neutrally, because it's an ugly side of mental illness, but not one I chose or know how to help.)

Not being in close friendships with anyone has had an understandably sane-ifying effect on me (barring the, y'know, depression/anxiety/OCD and baseline weirdness), which has gotten me trapped for the 5th time in 6 years of making my therapists believe I'm better off than I actually am. (I've done this to every therapist I've ever had before that, too.) But like, again, at least for the past 3 therapists and the latest psych, I AM actually better for not having close friends lmao. Only one therapist ever had one visit of me wanting to address these concerns specifically while they were currently active, and by the next visit, we had to shift exclusively to sudden new grief lol. (What a shitshow. It somehow always ends up that whenever I wanna treat an illness, it's like opening a can of worms, except the worms are firecrackers and I didn't set the can down and step back a few feet.)

Like, it obviously feels safer to not have close friends at all because there's no fear of abandonment if I have no one to begin with. And, genuinely, I operate better when I'm alone. But now that I've known safety, it's hard to imagine throwing myself back into the roulette wheel, hoping I don't land on red OR black. But fuck, man. It is lonely.

And being aro? It's freeing, and validating too, to have a word for it, but I'm not gonna mince words here, I hate it. I wish I could feel romantic love. Like normal, not mentally ill ""love."" I feel platonic love all the time, like for friends (not FP) always. I love saying 'I love you' to friends and meaning it. But I want to feel romantic love. I just don't. I just feel friendship, Favoriting, and/or sexual attraction sometimes. Probably why I'm so into shipping and fanfics. I got a lot more "probably why's" but I don't wanna go down that in this already vulnerable post lol. (I already made a whole post about one of the why's back in like 2013 or 14 lmao, without connecting it to this.)

Anyway, I put this whole mental illness and relationships deal into ugly imagery in a current fic WIP I'm working on, since recognizing I was aro took living through FP'ing a few 'romantic' relationships, before I even first heard the term FP. I only saw my experiences as 'I don't think I've been experiencing love' and that by itself felt like it fit. I didn't realize there was anything wrong, even as I outwardly said shit like 'I don't think I'm fit for being in a relationship' to the few people who asked me out, even when I wanted to say yes.

And then I kept trying to make relationships work lmao. I don't know why I even bothered. I just wanted to be wrong about being aro, especially when it was a point of contention (aro and ace separately) with some of the relationships.

I'd probably have to meet another aro person of the exact same flavour of aromanticism to make it work, but even then the mental illness would just be a ticking time bomb. No one wants to be the recipient of FP 'affection', except maybe sometimes the fictional people in a certain fiction trope that winds up being fetishistic, even if it's not intended to insult real people (but sometimes it is). And it's just a reminder of how I was probably a big source of toxicity for probably half the people who have ever been close with me, if it's even half of how fiction portrays people with this symptom.

I dunno where I wanted to end this vent, so here's probably a good place. Just wanted to get this off my chest, because it just now felt like a pretty big revelation that my problems weren't related to romanticism, I've had purely platonic instances of this dating back to being an older kid, and more during high school, and I just never connected the two before now.

[orionsangel86]

Content Filters - Your New Best Friend!

I dont think we take advantage of content filters enough. So I'm putting together a little tutorial in case anyone isn't aware of them.

Now we may all be aware of tag filters, both via tumblr saviour and also tumblrs in built tag filtration system.

But that still runs into issues as some people just dont tag their posts, and therefore some posts will still find their way to the dashboards of people that dont want to see certain content that they have blocked.

If you are in a small fandom, sometimes popular content that you arent interested in can become quite prevailent and unavoidable even if you have tags blocked. But there IS a way to avoid that content regardless of whether people are tagging their posts or not

CONTENT FILTERS.

Content filters work by blocking certain words that appear in posts. If there is a certain thing that you really want to avoid, you can just block that word or phrase and boom! You'll never have to see it and everyone will be happier for it. If you don't know where the content filters are, I can show you. On tumblr mobile go to account settings:

Then scroll down to "content you see":

Here you will find the filtered tags:

And if you're anything like me you'll have a nice long list of blocked tags to curate your feed.

However if you just scroll down to the bottom of your blocked tags list, you'll find this:

Here is where you add words you wanna block. You can block trigger words, you can block things like "blood" if thats not your jam, you can block "omegaverse" if that gives you a squick, and you can also block ship names and names of whole fandoms if you find them annoying (blocking Supernatural may help with your mental health lmao).

It can be overzealous, so its best to block phrases more than random words as those words can be used in many contexts after all (which is why its excellent for blocking fandom ships as those are usually portmanteaus that wont appear in regular language). Blocking the word "omega" may be a bit too wide a net for instance, but blocking something like "omega Dream" will work wonders and calm those buldging temple veins.

Now this is just a tumblr app tutorial but I believe the content filters are in the same place on desktop. Its not hard to find them and I strongly suggest everyone uses them.

We all want to have a peaceful pleasant fandom experience, and as always, the best way to do that is to CURATE YOUR OWN SPACE. I'm someone who loves searching in the fandom tags, so I dont rely on following/unfollowing to curate my feed. I often expose myself to things in the tags i may prefer to avoid, or maybe I follow people for some content but dont wanna see other content they reblog. Either way, the content filters protect me from triggers, things that squick me out, and content I just find annoying.

Whilst we can all ask that people tag appropriately, it is never the OPs fault if you have seen something you don't want to see. You have all the tools available to you to avoid everything you dont like. Use them.

[literallytooangrytodie]

(referring to your tags on a post) i'm so curious why you dont believe fkmt has outright condemned capitalism in his work with kaiji! i feel like that blatant condemnation is what makes up kaiji's whole appeal! although i'm definitely seeing his past (perceived by me) values getting "wishy-washy" in part 6 to say the least, if that's what you mean... but other than that, i feel like kaiji's whole plot has been pretty consistently caused by capitalism, and that teiai being the prime (and only true) enemy really displays that! would u disagree?😯 /genq

i hope this doesnt come off as confrontational or abrasive bc that's not my intention i'm just genuinely curious since it's a take that's so different from my own!! either way, take care!!

I can’t remember/find which post you’re referring to to look up the actual wording so imma take your word for it.

When I say he never “outright” condemn it I think I meant that he’s aware of the systemic problem but only to an extent. Like he recognized the class struggles that built capitalism, but that’s abt it.

It’s a thing I kinda noticed with cishet male writers lol. They’re aware of the classism and mistreatment but they’re also participating capitalism a lot of the time (bc patriarchy and capitalism always go hand in hand <33). When you compare his works to that of queer/women writers you can see how his approach is not to dismantle the system and make a new one but to play the game and hopefully cheat his way to the top.

Of course I believe that compare to other cishet writers he’s more kinly aware of certain things. He def understand that the system his characters are under do not allow the working class to hold onto wealth for too long (Kaiji literally loses his money to greedy businessmen everytime he wins lmfao).

I do believe he does condemn capitalism at the end of the day, what I wanna say was that his perspective is informed by his experience as a cishet man and that’s why I think he didn’t “outright” and not that he “never condemn”. Fkmt will say “society” before he says “capitalism” imo lmao 💀

But then again my takes are influenced by my personal experiences and biases as well, so I’m open to discussion anyday, so dw abt coming off confrontational or anything lol.

P/s: I haven’t read part 6 yet so I don’t know what to even say abt it 🤷‍♀️

[halinski]

Tagged by @all-or-nothing-baby 🥰🥰

15 QUESTIONS, 15 (or whatever) TAGS

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYBODY?

My mother's hs best friend basically! She lives in Bosnia so i don't know her much but I have met her

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Uhh i can't remember but probably like last week or so. I dissociate too much to remember when or why lmao

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

nope

4. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

Not much tbh. Im afraid of being misunderstood too much bc people generally do

5. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

Softball mostly!

6. WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE?

My gut feeling about them, and if they might understand mental health stuff or not

7. EYE COLOUR?

Hazel-green

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Scary movies for sure. Irrational happy endings make me angry

9. ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Central europe, meh

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Nature, reading, writing, sports, chilling with animals, learning stuff

12. DO YOU HAVE PETS?

2 cats! And a few past darlings in spirit

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

173cm

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

I used to always try to come up with some answer to this to please people but i didnt have one past 3rd grade bc i absolutely detested school, the educational systems and academia so fuck no, no favorite subjects. Fuck schools.

(The one good school i went to grade pre till 3rd i enjoyed also had really good pedagogists. In 3rd grade i think i loved math the most bc my teacher designed individual plans for us and my classmate and i raced to finish higher level work, in 2nd i think it was the class where we read and wrote and were creative like think tank and reading dino topia and writing our own magical treehouse, in 1st grade it was science and experementing and the frogs and butterfly class.

On my own time i watched so many animal rescue shows and nation geography and we had so many of their magazines and natyre magazines my mother got that were sorted out from the library. And i read a lot of history books about ancient and pre-historic times and different cultures and that was great. I was also obsessed with animals and read cyclodpedias and had them quickly memorized. But by the time i was 9 i was too depressed and i dont know shit anymore my brain too forgetful

and that's why i'm so mad about the school systems bc i truly loved, loved learning. But even the good school would give me failing grades for my social behavior. And without ranting even further, lets just say math used to be like breathing for me and now i can barely put 48+32 together without a calculater anymore bc my brain is so dead

So much more complicated issues yeah but school still makes me so fucking mad)

15. DREAM JOB?

somehow i got lucky and i kinda ended up in the field of my dream job: vet tech/nurse

i wish i could save any animal i come across though. Regardless of money, laws, etc. I wish i could save nature. Fix what humanity has done to the earth and to so many animals. Relieve suffering. Give love to every stray. Make sure every living being has a home. Get rid of ownership over land and living beings of any and all kind

---

If you see this, tag you're it and pls @ me!

[scarsmood]

how do you know you wont act upon the urges? doesnt the whole "searching out for more" thing about porn still apply to paraphilias? do you not fear of getting too comfortable and accepting of your paraphilias? how do you not fear of slipping up and acting on them?

Tw rape and paraphilia discussion

Here’s the thing you don’t know me lmao. I just make little tumblr post’s and that isn’t indicative to who I am as a person 24/7.

You have to accept your paraphilias actually that’s a healthy thing to do. You might be getting acceptance crossed with encouragement. You might wanna check my b3astiality tag but some studies found that actual beastiality isnt often committed from sexual attraction it’s usually motivated from other means. I think more often its commited sadozoophilia or sadistic zoophilia where you enjoy animals in pain.

I dont have that lol, i also am not afraid im gonna “do it” because i cant even act out my zoophilia specifically cause i only like animals x animals. So if i “lost it” the worst thing i could do is idk?? Watch animals get nasty like a little creep. Issue is i also only really get sexually attracted to animals like threatening wolves. So id specifically have to seek out tigers? Cause thats kinda close, even then its iffy. Probably isn’t gonna do anything for me tbh cause its still so far off.

It means typically what’s happening is my system is getting down w it internally or someone wants to do feral rp. You could commission art i guess. That’s still not that “crazy”

Let’s pick something else though. I have a few paraphilias and my zoophilia is basically useless. It’s not something I’m ever worried about but how about biastophilia or rape. That’s if you ask me much more worrying. Very real world and very easy to do.

That one specifically, because of my extensive sexual abuse history is what I’d call my “problem paraphilia” it also isn’t really recognized as one officially but thats okay this is more about answering the question “how do you handle impulses?”

I have gone and done extensive therapy for trauma, I’ll be honest pre-therapy i committed minor or major acts with sexual assault. So it’s a very alive problem. Because of DID i also didn’t even know i did this until roughly last year. So thats cool. Here’s what helps impulses I’ve found for paraphilias that actually have teeth and can cause serious harm.

Trauma associated with the paraphilia has to be treated, its a strong motivator to act. I did EMDR and still do it works very well for me. Secondly finding an outlet and appropriate expression is important it doesn’t have to be BDSM it could just be breaking things in a controlled area or drawing, walking, something to let out the energy that fulfills you and makes you feel safe.

You can still do BDSM, CNC does scratch the itch pretty well but what I find solves it more are trauma related grounding techniques. I have to avoid and neutralize triggers, do grounding techniques, toss in some DBT and CBT. Its an art form.

Do I feel like im gonna slip up ever? Honestly, yeah. Sometimes I feel out of control and it’s developed into a paranoia of “its gonna happen im a monster ect” that circles back to grounding and trauma therapy. I have my own set of grounding techniques when I feel that way. I do them until I become confident again that I’m okay and stable. If I can’t seem to that I do old reliable. Get the fuck away from me. I’m out of here im chilling in my room alone until this shit gets better.

Since the “paraphilia” or impulse is trauma based. I find i am most dangerous when someone tries to rape me. How ironic! This has happened a lot unfortunately and became a legitimate defense mechanism. I am quite happy to be monogamous now because instead of dealing with shit heads i get to be with my partner. If someone starts acting that way towards me now its easier to blow them off because i can justify thats cheating. So none of that bullshit.

Since my ex raped me a lot. Were talking upwards of 100+ cause it was weekly for 8 years. If i see someone that looks like him i can get a little angry that way. But after therapy its been pretty died down. It’s not a very visceral reaction i can accept the emotions and move on.

In summary, i think most paraphilias if theres is no harm specifically in their definition its not gonna be a problem. When it is though it’s best to learn DBT and CBT i enjoyed EMDR and my therapist helped me understand the signs before you commit to an impulse. Which will look different for everyone. You have to accept its a part of you as well. I didn’t pre therapy which meant i never understood until it was to late what i wanted to do. Recognizing your past, your impulses and how that’s also you and then embracing them and giving those parts of yourself resources to cope better is so hard. But it’s extremely important to do. It’s not beneficial for the person acting out those things either. It comes with guilt, shame the inability to trust yourself. Thats why it’s so important to even acknowledge its there.

With my sexual abuse it’s a family tradition/s the one that they all have in common is no one accepts it. No one talks about it. No one addresses it. You have to accept these things or else the cycle doesn’t stop. Hope that answers your question :>

[raid3r-r4bbit]

THE OC LONG LIST THAT MADE ME WANT TO CRY THINGIE!!!!!

@fuzzydreamin this was so much worse than i anticipated. IM TAGGING NOBODY BECAUSE I HAD TO GO OUTSIDE AND SIT ON MY PORCH FOR 15 WHOLE MINUTES AFTER MY COMPUTER CRASHED AND I LOST THE WHOLE THING :D!!!!!)

HOWDY! AS of posting, I'm on my way to the airport and going to be traveling to wasteland weekend, and while my posting's already been a little erratic in the last few days its about to do that again lol. I might have time to do some stuff while hanging out at the airport and while in air, not sure about actually at the air bnb and shit, but whatever. so no promises, no guarantees, treat it like a Wishlist, drop an ask or two (fr idc) and i might draw something. I will even make memes. OK Das it for announcements

(Lmao i typed this whole thing up and then my computer fucking crashed, saving none of it, so take two ig.

Fair warning, I make more drug references than probably needed in this, and made a fun little list at the end for you all. There's def a bunch of spelling errors, sorry I dont have the time to fix it all. I've also jumbled details about all of them together because of overlap, so if you really want to know you have to read the whole goddamn thing) Ok have fun reading.

JOLT ✧˖°. PERSONAL $ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed ( The four of them aren't nessiciarily impoverished, or living in poverty, but it's hard to expand when you're either living in a small city or traveling in a small trailer, life isn't the worst, nobody's strugling to make ends meet (not that anyones charging them rent, though.) but at the same time, they arent living in some kind of mansion. Jolt mostly manages money in the group, and all together they do pretty well.

Jolt is muscular, but he tends to over do it with training and fighting, occasionally skipping meals, definitly fit though. there isn't much of a caste system within the story, you've either got someplace to stay or you dont.

Jolt, like the rest of them, hasnt had a "proper formal education", but he's the most well written of the group, able to read and write in both spanish and english, as well as being fluent in both. His mathmatical skills are enough to get by with, simple maths. He's also read a lot of history books in his free time, so he knows a suprising amount of US history, not that most of it matters anymore.

Most of the time, the crimes he's commited have been done in places where it doesnt really matter- around other raiders, killing people in arena style fights, ect. He's not got the stickiest hands, but he's swiped a few things in his life. Over all, he's intimidating and skilled enough to swipe stuff without gettign caught.)

✧˖°. FAMILY ◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased/?????? ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable (Jolt is worried about the idea of raising children in the wasteland without a solid comunity or stable way of life, and he's also concerned about his own addiction and behavior affecting them, but he enjoy the idea of being a parent and raising kids.

Before everythign happened, his family was a very close unit, definitly closer to his mother than his father, though. His father rough around the edges, but overall a good man. His mother wanted to make sure her kids were intelligent and capable, and enjoyed passing on information from her life, and her family, history, to them. His siblings and him were also quite close, often depeneding on him when his mother passed away.

Jolt's mother died when he was around 14-15, and his father passed away a few weeks before he turned 19, after which he left his siblings. Over time he eventually found himself tangled with a few people and groups but never really found a home until he was tangled with Bux, Keres, and Rikki. The four of them make up a somewhat weird but very close family.)

✧˖°. TRAITS + TENDENCIES ♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between ♦ disorganized / organized / in-between ♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between ♦ calm / anxious / in-between ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between ♦ cautious / reckless / in-between / highly contextual ♦ patient / impatient / in-between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between ♦ leader / follower / in-between ♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between ♦ traditional / modern / in-between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown / highly contextual ♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown ((yea im not explaining all of that))

✧˖°. BELIEFS ★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don’t care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual ((spoilers?) Jolt's belief's are similar to Kere's somewhat pagan in nature, but also a bit alternative. One of his major beliefs is that most people are inherently evil, and people who claim they aren't are often far worse.)

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all (Jolt is demi Romantic and Pansexual, He doesnt really have a prefrence sexually, but romantically he isnt really insterested in dating women, (on top of not already being interested in dating.) He's previously been promiscuis, having hooks up and one night stands but mostly as a result of need or drunken mistakes. He's pretty tied to keres, however.)

✧˖°. ABILITIES ☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (Jolt has pretty extensive training and combat experience, and is likely not someone you want to pick a fight with, he does loose advantage in ranged combat, not being skilled with guns, and not being very fast and flexible, but he's pretty much gaurenteed to at least break limbs (at least ) in hand to hand combat.

There a few things he forgets how to spell, and occasionally forgets words in english/spanish, but nothing outside the normal relm of someone who's bilingul. He's decently literate though, and enjoys reading and writting.

Jolt paints fequently and paints things like aniamls and plants to catolauge them, writing down information as he learns about them, either for saftey, hunting, or foraging, sometimes even receipes. He's not super skilled at it, and struggles to draw people, but it's still a hobby of his.

He's skilled with things like cooking, construction, and he's pretty good at taking care of weapons/ maintaining them. he's not great with machinery, things like cars and what not, he is decent at wiring though, and can hot wire cars in case of emergency. )

✧˖°. HABITS ☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler (Jolt isnt an alcholic in the same what your mom isnt an alcholic but drinks 2-3 glasses of wine every night, except it's whiskey or burbon. He doenst really drink to get drunk, maybe a little bit buzzed, tipsy at most, but over all just enjoys the warmth from alcohol.

Jolt smokes pretty regularly, often smelling like it too. Nicotine is one of the only things that helps his hands from trembling, but also makes it worse in the long run.

He's got pretty hardcore psycho addiction. while using he's either highly aggressive and manic, but often is subject to bad trips becoming emotional and mostly inconsolable. He also uses day tripper and marijuana, but less recreational and more medicinal, using them to manage his psycho addiction and mental health issues.

stimpacks, med x, rad away, rad x for all of them, jolt also uses buffout but like a pre-workout/training situation, often only taking half a dose. He also uses Calmex but as directed.

Jolt dies most of the cooking, cooking a lot of mexican and native dishes (or as close as he can get) so mostly things fluctiate from extremely healthy to very deep fried. He really enjoys spicy food more then sweet food, and his favorite foods are often served over rice, or fried. Some of his favorites are Pemmican (my mom made this a lot as a kid and its like a larabar with meat. highly reccomend), Tamales, and menudo (personally, i hate tripe, it makes me want to crawl in a hole and die, but my mom loves and says its very good for you.)

He's pretty stingy with money, budgeting everything, drugs, drinks, cigarettes, food, everything is included. Every so often he'll splurge on new spices or food, paint suplies, or on something as a surprise for Keres (which is usually new herbs or candles.) He also enjoys buying and trying unique cuts of food or veggies or meats he's never tried before.

as for gambling:

gambled once, and vowed to never do it again. He does do betted fights, but he's rarely lost a fight, picking his opponents carefully.)

KERES (im switchin up the placement bite my ass i dont care) ✧˖°. PERSONAL $ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed (Keres is a little chubby, but not really over weight, just kinda thicc, but over all they are healthy.

Keres has proably had the best education of the group, learning both "traditional" subjects and also more alternative once (natrual medicines, and other things)

Surprisingly, Keres isnt really into the whole stealing things thing, and will pretty much only use violence as a means to protect themselves or their friends.)

✧˖°. FAMILY ◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable (Keres isn't sure if they want kids, or can even have them. Keres is intersex, and with their specific condition it isnt impossible, just highly unlikely. As for wanting kids, keres hasn't really been around enough children to know if that's what they want, basically raising Rikki and taking care of Bux pretty much fufills that need for them.

Keres had a close but strained relationship with their family, their parents being strict, but not rough or hateful. They chose to leave after taking in Rikki, seeing that their family wasnt really capable of feeding more people. Keres has five other siblings, none of which they're particularly close with. Over all like the rest of the group, its mostly a found family type situation.)

✧˖°. TRAITS + TENDENCIES ♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between ♦ disorganized / organized / in-between ♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between ♦ calm / anxious / in-between ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between ♦ cautious / reckless / in-between / highly contextual ♦ patient / impatient / in-between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between ♦ leader / follower / in-between ♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between ♦ traditional / modern / in-between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown / highly contextual ♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown ((yea im not explaining all of that))

✧˖°. BELIEFS ★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don’t care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual (again, very pagan like, but keres holds more beliefs than Jolt, believing things like almost anything pre war, with some exceptions (mostly the trailer and shoes if needed, other vehicles, and some simple things like abandoned tins, jars ,mugs ect.) are inherently evil and useless, and that items that are prewar are not to be used.

They spend a lot of time meditating, or crafting spells for the others, things like talismans and pocket spells.

Their over all belief is a bit similar to traditional Native American beliefs, celtic and/or norse paganism, and a few other things that have, like everything else in the wasteland, evolved or changed over time.)

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual/Other ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

(Keres is androsexual, preferring men/masculine individuals.)

✧˖°. ABILITIES ☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (not traditonally trained in combat, but decently skilled, enough to defend themselves or others, or potentially ward off potential threats.

Keres is mostly blind, having severe cataracts in both eyes. they could read previously, and with some aid still can. Jolt and Rikki often sit down and rewrite books using extra pressure so that keres can read the indents (like braille but none of them know it.) have several books they can use. Other wise, they are literate. they also know some spanish, not enough to be considered fluent, but enough to hold private conversations with Jolt right in fron to rikki and Bux.

Keres isnt the most technically skilled, they can sew decently well, can crochet and knit at alarming speed for someone with little to no vision, and again, despite being blind, makes a decent medic.)

✧˖°. HABITS ☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler (Keres drinks occasionally with the others, but otherwise rarely drinks. they enjoy the taste of alcohol, but they dont enjoy the feeling of being drunk, or getting disoriented. On occasion, they may get a little tipsy, provided someone is there to help them get back home.

They enjoy the smell of cigarette smoke on other people, but not the taste of inhaling smoke. they've smoked before, but never really enjoyed it.

Keres smokes a lot of weed, but also has a decently high tolerance to it, rarely actually getting high. They dont have a lot of anxiety but they seem to be a bit inattentive without it. They also use Jet, a lot, it helps again from being disassociated, or over stimulated, using it to regulate themselves.

Most medicinal medicines keres uses are once they've made themselves, and are usually tinctures, teas or topical ointments. Keres loves anything Jolt cooks, being unable to cook themselves, rikki being unable to handle spices very well and Bux incinerating everything he "cooks". His style of cooking is nearly identical to their families' and Jolt's curiosity for trying new receipies is exciting to keres, as it mean flavor and textural variety. They enjoy savory and bitter foods, and also fermented dishes. Keres doesn't really have any particularly favorite dishes, but anything with seafood, jerky, or fried is likely to be enjoyed. All that being said, they won't eat anythign pre-war. Probably for the best.

Keres is not allowed to buy things. They will spend all their money on candles or yarn.

Keres has never had in interest in gambling, but is inexplicably good at dominoes.)

RIKKI ✧˖°. PERSONAL $ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed (Rikki in on the underweight side of things, being incredibly thin. her anxiety makes it oftenndifficult to eat of keep food down. She's had no education, and Keres and Jolt have attempted to teach her how to read and write, with very little success. Jolt often sits down with her, making little work sheets for her. She picked up math pretty quickly however, and enjoys doing the various math problems the pair have her work out. Rikki is a little bit of a kelpto, and her small size and bubbly personality make it easy for her to get away with taking things, caught or not.)

✧˖°. FAMILY

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased/unknown ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable (Rikki is scared at the thought of having children. It's not that she doesnt enjoy children, it's just the idea of the entire proccess is traumatic for her.

Rikki doesn't know if she has siblings, She thinks she has a brother or a cousin. She knows she has a father, but she knows very little about him. the relationship between them is nonexsistent.)

✧˖°. TRAITS + TENDENCIES ♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between ♦ disorganized / organized / in-between ♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between ♦ calm / anxious / in-between ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between ♦ cautious / reckless / in-between / highly contextual ♦ patient / impatient / in-between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between ♦ leader / follower / in-between ♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between ♦ traditional / modern / in-between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown / highly contextual ♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown ((yea im not explaining all of that))

✧˖°. BELIEFS ★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don’t care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual (Rikki doesnt hold an particular beliefs, but enjoys watching/listeing to Keres and Jolt talk about things, and occasioanlly participates, enjoying having her palms read, or using tarot cards with keres, or listening to jolt ramble about nature while they forage together.)

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all (Rikki is Aceflux, she fluctates through various states, but over all reamains asexual, and is sexually replused. She isnt oppsed to the idea of being romantic with someone, but is often to anxious to persue a relationship.)

✧˖°. ABILITIES ☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (She isnt the best in an actual fight, but she's a phenominal sniper.

Rikki is surprisngly good at math, but also not very great at reading.

She can maybe draw some stick figures, but enjoys doodling with Bux.

Rikki is great at sewing, and also extremely talented at maintaining and fixing guns, and other mechanical weapons.)

✧˖°. HABITS ☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler (Over all, most subsance use on her end is pretty casual, rikki basically enjoying her freinds being around her and partaking a little bit here and there, or enjoying a drink on a nice after noon. She's the "designated driver" who cant actually drive.

Rikki is a very picky eater, typically subsiding off of simple sandwiches, or soups that are made specifically because of her squeamish nature to texturally adventurous foods, and she cant handle spicy foods to save her life.

Rikki likes to buy herself nice things sometimes, occasionally going overboard and buying mostly uselss trinkets.

She's a pretty decent gambler, and most of her money is made gambling people who clearly aren't great at what they're trying to do.)

BUX

✧˖°. PERSONAL $ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed (Other than the excessive drug use and munchies, Bux's pretty active, and stays pretty thin. He's got a good bit of muscle, and he sometimes has a little chub, but he's definitley not as fit as he could be.

He was in school for a bit before his parents divorced, he father then pulling him out of school to work on the farm. Bux has probably the stickiest fingers of the group, he could steal an entire cart of stuff and not only would you not see him do it, youd have no idea where any of it went. )

✧˖°. FAMILY

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable (He's not keen on the idea of having kids. he'd rather avoid them entierly.

He's got a complex relationship with most family members. He doesnt resent his mother, but he's upset with her for not taking him with her when she and walter divorced. Then she married Perry. Perry's great, super nice, and seems like he actually enjoy's Bux's enjoyment of machines and tattoos. But he still had two kids with his mom and didnt think to invite him over even once.

His two sisters adore him, having an older brother who got in trouble for sneeking out and hanging out with a bunch of raiders seems cool to them. He however, does not want to spend time with them. He doesnt hate them, but he feels a twang of envy and sometimes guilt everytime he sees them.)

✧˖°. TRAITS + TENDENCIES ♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between ♦ disorganized / organized / in-between ♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between ♦ calm / anxious / in-between ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between ♦ cautious / reckless / in-between / highly contextual ♦ patient / impatient / in-between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between ♦ leader / follower / in-between ♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between ♦ traditional / modern / in-between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown / highly contextual ♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown ((yea im not explaining all of that))

✧˖°. BELIEFS ★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don’t care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual (jesus himself could decend from heaven and bless this boy personally and he still wouldnt believe, but he swears up an down he's seen mothman.)

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all (he's bi, leaning prefrence towards women.)

✧˖°. ABILITIES ☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (Bux is not well trained in combat (despite Jolt's attempts.) but is still pretty skilled. Mostly melee, and using his terain to his benefit, prefering to ambush or corner people.

Bux can read, just not well or quickly; on top of needing to focus to read, he has no ability to focus, so he often seems illierate, but he's just a little stupid. He (and Rikki) only speak english, so hearing jolt constant swearing in spanish, or jolt and keres talking "serect older adult stuff" right in front of them is frustrating. Rikki's tried to pick up spanish, but picking it up from two affulent people (who aren't trying to teaching you) is harder then it looks (sounds?); Bux on the other hand, has chosen to ignore it.

Jolt is normally the one considered the artist of the group, and sure, when it comes to drawing plants and animals, he's better than Bux, but when drawing people Bux is usually better. Bux likes making more abstract desgins, anyways. He's maybe not the best with paint and paper, but he can tattoo something else.

On a technically level (on all levels except physical) Bux is pretty impressive. with machines, anyways. He seems to speak to the hardware, and know where it goes. software is a little trickier for him, which isnt saying much cause you could probably hand him a peice of technology he's never seen or heard of and be able to fix it after about five minutes of inspecting. ✧˖°. HABITS ☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler (When it comes to drinking, smoking, and drugs, Bux makes the others look like they only rarely or barely use. He's so constantly high or drunk that the few times Jolt has seen him sober he's been genuinely worried. If he's able to come down from it all gracefully, he hits a major low pretty easily. Often mopey, quiet, avoidant, and typically irratable. If not, He's more likely to have a shakey, screaming meltdown. Keres and Rikki cant handle the meltdowns, and Jolt is freaked out by the mellow (even if his highs can be annoying) so the group does not prevent him from indulging in his habits. He'll pretty much drink whatever, smoke whatever, but in general, Jet is his drug of choice. Jet, weed, and maybe a little calmex (generously spared by Jolt at the request of Keres when they travel.) other than the occaisonally calmex, he's taking mostly uppers.

Bux enjoys a good bit of Jolt's cooking, but he's not a fan of the more 'explorative' dishes, and isn't quite accustomed to other culture's foods, so he can be rather picky. He however, will devour anything prewar, very happily. His favorite are the yum yum deviled eggs. Jolt has attempted to make him fresh, homemade, non irradiated, likely moldy, and properly seasoned deviled eggs, but Bux still prefers the stuff out of the box. He does think Jolt's pork n' beans is better, though.

While not quite as bad as Keres, Bux is also not allowed to spend his own money. He gets an allowance though. He enjoys gambling, too, so that adds on to the "List of Reasons Why." posted on the fridge by Jolt. He mostly spends on drugs or food, but will also spend on tattoo and pericing supplies, or bust it all gambling. He likes dice games, and betting games. He's not great at it. )

(fun fact about the various drugs of fallout; they're inspired by real world drugs/medications, and when writing stories you can apply the real world affects and repercussions :D I've seen a few different interpretations, but here are mine personally (having worked in (and currently working for) various biomedical pharmaceutical distributions or management companies, and while not being a doctor, I know more than the average person about these drugs. (I've mostly included the ones that are important story wise.) Psycho: Methamphetamine Jet: Jenkem (I've seen some people say its an amphetamine, and i think the effects of jet are pretty similar canonically, but it's definetly jekem.) Med-x: Morphine Buffout: roids. Calmex: Ketamine. Daddy-o: Xanax or adderall. (Or something similar.) Day Tripper: LSD or shrooms but bottled for your conveinence. (some people say that day tripper is weed, going off the effects it could be, but i'd rather just have my characters smoking weed. )

[senorablack]

🌸 If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications, anonymously or not! Let's get to know the person behind the blog. 🌸

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okay three facts:

like okay gunna be braggy because im proud af ahah - solo hiked denali national park's triple lake trail. roughly 9.3mi north point to south, so like 19mi out and back. i did 15mi because it was starting to rain HARD. set out from the trailhead at 8am and didnt get back to the visitor center until like 6:30pm. read lord of the rings and ate lunch on a cliff. entire state is gorgeous ngl. but denali is OUT OF THIS DAMN WORLD. top tier happiest moments of my life because this was a day before my 31st birthday. it was BOMB. ah! i miss alaskaaaaaa.

i have a sticker phobia - its serious. seeing them on clothes, hair, skin, water bottles or laptops grosses me out. one time i punched a guy i worked with because he thought i was joking. bitch i was CRYING. we were housekeepers for our college and he peeled it off someones bed and put it on my shirt, and told him to get it the fuck off me and he just kept laughing and i socked that fool right in the chest. dont play with me boy. lmao. i'll even cut off the sticker on fruit. man my first college roommate used to collect fruit stickers and put them on our refrigerator door. i kept telling her to not do that because of the phobia. but what she do. not listen. brush it off. got my own place the next year. aha. god im telling you just talking about it ahaha makes me SICK. and im the only one that could laugh at me about it okay. im sensitive.

i used to make music about harry potter (wizard rock) when i was younger. since rowling outed her self as an asshole, i've of course been disenchanted with that fandom/franchise. sometimes ill read fic, and will always savor wizard rock/all the friends i had made through that particular sub-community, but for the most part ive distance myself from any new media row and co push out. was a big part of my life. now its not. shit happens. and there are other great stories to fall into. that don't propel systemic harm. :/

TAGGING bc im lazy - ahaha

@normyreedus @dallae @quiriusblack @onirislanding @procrastinatingplatypus @loudsnapdragon @elessanduril

[constellationclarke]

I'm so sorry but the One True Loves movie so far is so painful and I don't mean emotionally

[mxescargot]

wow pinned post!

[Profile picture description: An image of KAITO, an anime-style character with fair skin, short messy blue hair, and a headset, against a muted genderfluid pride flag background. End ID]

[Header description: a digital drawing of a glowing white butterfly perched atop the spherical knob of a brass cage. Also atop the cage is a decorative horn to one side of the knob; the entire cage is coated in a translucent, glowing white filigree pattern that varies in opacity, getting brighter towards the butterfly. End ID]

helix or leucine or kamino, they/them mostly, minor, east asian, adhd diagnosed autism vibechecked by every autistic person i know, disabled and a mobility aid user, very queer, also a median system that mostly uses i/me dwai

tealblood, prospit dreamer, mage of light ✨

i try to put image descriptions on my posts with images whenever possible and i use tonetags when i feel like tone is unclear. posts with undescribed images are tagged #no ids

i talk in caps and i dont tag weaponry or most "creepy crawlies"; i tag arthropods as #bugs for my own usage though. most common triggers + foo d and fire are tagged #trigger, #cw trigger, or #trigger mention

im buddhist and talk abt that + my interest in other religions under #religion

my occasional vents are tagged #vent, block that if u dont wanna see them

i reclaim cripple and queer

dni in a nutshell: dont be awful or assholeish or exclusionary (esp militantly so) thanks, more detailed dni in my carrd

i draw things sometimes (usually in autodesk sketchbook) and thats under #helix draws, sloppy stuff is under #helix doodles

i dont make much music but what i do is under #helix composes even though the only thing there rn is not an original composition

i answer mostly non-askgame asks under #helix answers and other talky talking is under #helix talks

i have so many fandoms a list can be found in my carrd although it is probably not complete also i have ocs in some of the fandoms and ocs in my own universes; here is a list of most of them

for whatever reason my current hyperfixation is now Homestuck (done reading canon story!), and i have special interests in biology, costuming/textiles, and linguistics as well as old sci fi, social justice, and US politics i think?

pfp by @prosekai-pride, header my own screenshot redraw from the silksong trailer

my carrd hasnt been seriously updated since i was in a big "heck yeah art is my Thing" phase sorry about that lmao

[lexiene]

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═══ . ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : 𝔻𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞 ℙ𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕟𝕤 : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ . ═══

"Connecting the dots clicks the connection of a flow even more, so I can spark with you."

ー Lexi

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[ ✧ Requesting ✧ ]

As much as possible please make the request exact, specific and understandable...

Though don't send super long request as if you've written your wanted request into fanfic already lmao..

Note that my grammar/language is not that good, I am still learning to improve and learn my writing skills I want to develop

Request will only have maximum of 10 request (if the request is closed it will be deleted )

Dont send request in comments...

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[ ✧ Tagging ✧ ]

Im new in tagging system, so I'll try

Only 10 tagged people in every each fic I post

Whoever place their name in ask/comment on that specific post will be listed immediately, after reaching 10 tags is closed! Try another time

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[ ✧ Format ✧ ]

I only write Fem and Gender Neutral

Reader & Characters are aged-up ( 19/20+ )

Writing on my own pace with the help of researching the facts and donts

I won't base everything in CANON (series or not), it DEPENDS and if NECESSARY

(For New Stars) I'll be writing the new stars (new characters) according/base on good media (as well the official story, sources and etc) and the good side of it like being able to enjoy life and etc and good flow of it that's all :v

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[ ✧ Importance ✧ ]

Please if your requesting something please have some language control (even though I put little swearing in my works it depends) but still control it

My Nsfw are limited base on the characters I like/love writing, if the ideas is working then yes, when it's not definitely no even they're popular or whatsoever no. So yup that's how it is...

Reading my soft/nsfw please READ at YOUR OWN RISK MINORS it's your RESPONSIBILITY on your media consumption not mine...

Reblogs would be lovely, Repost in other social media PLEASE NO

BLANK BIO AND NO PROFILE WILL BE BLOCKED IMMEDIATELY

I write fanfics for fun and stress relief, not for life advice..

Lastly, please don't expect me to rush anything bc ya know my work will end up dead to read and no essence at all so plsss, I need to rest too and ongoing real life situation

And that is all! Please always keep that in mind the rules and importance! Take your time to read it Im begging you

I tend to forget things easily so yah (2)

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[ ✧ What I write ✧ ]

Fluffs / Slightly Angsty ( angsty depends )

Domestic ( mostly I write )

ABO Verses ( depends on my mood, still learning )

Alternative Universe ( depends on my mood & ideas )

Soft NSFW & Slight Spicy ( depends on my mood )

Hybrid Reader ( specific hybrid only, still learning )

Other requests that is comfortable to work with :3

[ ✧ What I don't write ✧ ]

Explicit NSFW ( anything that is mentioned explicit )

Violence / Yandere / Gore ( disturbing )

Not my type / forte kind of fic

Uncomfortable requests >: (

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© Do not repost, refrain modifying any Lexiene works to any other soical media/platforms.

[kagejima]

Hi! You are very considerate to come up with this idea of venting as a reader/writer. And thank you so much for helping me say the stuff I would normally not say in my blog. I just hope this vent does not ruin your mood

Oftentimes I see big blogs on here subposting stuff about xreader tags or some sort of fic formats. And sometimes even about how short fics are nowadays. And it sort of hurts me a lot cuz these are people I look up to and aspire to write like but then they go and make such degrading posts and I can't help but wonder if they are talking about my fics or something u can't help it, being new comes with the additional baggage of insecurities but then if they want newbies to disappear where are they supposed to go? twitter? reddit? instagram? wattpad? let's not talk abt how they roast wattpad writers

I mean it's not that hard to tolerate bad writing right? It's just like how they have in their pinned posts- 'scroll the fuck away no need to put a show' People better themselves with practice. Can't this place become more tolerant to newbies and show some fucking support? Heck if they are this annoyed then what about instead of ranting and subposting stuff they come up with their own tagging system and make it universal or something? But then it all comes down to free will. There will always be bad fics where there are new writers. We learn with exposure and if lucky, feedback.

Lmao this tirade makes me sound like an insecure fuck I'm really not trust me but it just feels so bad when your ideals slap you like that. That makes me wonder if we could yk look at it like a teacher slapping a student. Question is if the underlying intentions are good or if they just don't care which writer's motivation they are killing. I dont even wanna type it cuz it makes me so pukish just thinking abt it I'm sorry I guess it also comes down to who you are as a human.

I just idk I think I just want people to stop being hostile? And maybe make kindness a habit? Yk there's a difference between mean and cool. Don't be so prickly about stuff that doesn't matter to your real life or something like that. I'll stop before I work myself up again and Omg this became longer than I imagined I'm so sorry if this is ruining your mood but I'm also grateful to you for opening such a considerate event. Thank you, and take care xoxo

I am monitoring a discussion this weekend between writers and readers about low interaction and frustrations. Please read the rules before submitting something.

Just as a reminder, if you wish to reply to someone's message, do not comment on it with your own handle. Instead, please link it in an anonymous reply of your own. If you do not know how to do this, I can walk you through it.

[kenmagoesblep]

tagged by @cubistemoji!! 

1) How many works in progress to do you currently have in progress?

I currently have like,,,,, 4 works in progress that i’m willing to continue, that are 3 oneshots (2 bnha and 1 haikyuu) and 1 multichaptered bokuaka fic that is posted right here. theres also 3 fics i completely gave up on, and at least 1 more fic i already have outlined but didnt begin lmao

2) Do you/would you write fan fiction?

i do!!! i really love fanfiction, and i even did a presentation about fanfiction for a class once. the teacher was very impressed klgsdhgldskg he knew nothing abt it

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

if i can choose, i’ll always try to go for paper books, bc i just really like the sensation of the paper in my hands and the smell of new, untouched books, as much as i like the characteristic old book smell. but if i really wanna read it and i cant get a physical copy, i wont hesitate to get a digital one, even tho i get really distracted in contact w tecnology

4) When did you start writing?

honestly? i dont really remember why i started writing in general. i remember writing original stories since age 8, because i was a very lonely child and spend a lot of my time alone, playing games on our old computer. i wanted to be a comic artist one day and i drew a lot of comics, but at some point i decided to start writing them down bc i’d forget them before getting the oportunity to draw them.

i started really writing fanfiction when i was 12 to 13 years old and i got really into anime to cope with my crippling anxiety and depression. anime gave me life, and i had already came across the concept of fanfiction before that, but never really got interested in reading or searching for it. i knew it existed, but wasnt particularly interested, until i was getting into soul eater and i came across a fic on google. clicked it, read it and i was like “WOW.... PEOPLE CAN GIVE COMPLETE DIFFERENT DESTINIES TO CHARACTERS.... I CAN DO THAT, TOO” 

it also gave me the oportunity to pretend to interact with those characters that i considered my friends, since i had no one irl. so i started writing slice of life, comedy fics with self-insert OC’s. 

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

my closest friends, especially @todoyamas, @jangbaekgi, @KwonSheri and @tinycute_turtle (all three from twitter), are usually the ones i ask for help the most, and the ones i trust the most. theyre almost always up to help me and theyve been supporting me almost since the beginning of time. sometimes i wonder how they never got tired of me. @shouyoto and a lot of other good people from our haikyuu!! server help me a lot, as well. 

6) Where is your favourite place to write?

on my computer, at home. cand and will write anywhere else if i’m either very inspired or bored. 

7) Favourite childhood book?

i dont remember most of their names since my actual favorite books were from my school’s library lhlkghsdglks but i remember all the clarice bean books as if they were written by me

8) Writing for fun or writing for publication?

mostly for fun and validation. writing is pretty much the only thing i feel like i’m any good at and the only thing i ever got validated for doing, so.... yes i like validation. and i also like making others happy. but its also because my ideas will haunt me like ghosts until i write them down, so i dont have much of a choice gklsdhgsdlk 

9) Pen and paper or computer?

nowadays i’d rather write on my computer, but when i was younger, i used to write on paper a lot, mostly because i’d get frequently grounded for things i didnt even do and had to entertain myself in some way. will still use pen and paper if, again, i’m feeling inspired or bored enough when im not home. 

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

i mean,,,,,,,,,,, not exactly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but i am a literature major mostly because i wanted to study literature and write better. so, in my head, my major is a fic major. i use all my literary knowledge in fanfiction lkgsdhglsdkgdsl dont tell my teachers shhhhhhh

11) What inspires you to write?

honestly, nowadays what keeps me going, what keeps me writing, is the love and support of my friends and my desire to make them happy. i thrive on people’s reaction, i live to make others happy. i’d probably wouldnt feel all that motivated to write if it was only for myself. i want to cause people emotional reactions, i want them to feel what i’m writing about, like i feel when i read great fics around ao3. knowing something i worked so hard on made someone’s day make my day.

but, in case this isnt what youre asking me, i guess a lot of little things inspire me??? the stories my literature teachers tell us in class, new songs i find around, good fanfiction, good games, ghibli movies, disney movies. and also sushi. sushi fuels my creativity gklshdglkds 

Thanks for tagging me!!! this was fun, and also very,,,, enlightening. i’m tagging @larytello , @smoke-and-bone-bender, @tenyalite, @tenseii and @shouyoto to do this game!!! ilu

[dyketubbo]

having skill in putting my feelings into words and enough hubris to speak up on things others may feel are too controversial to mention but being nerfed by neurodivergency so i skip over some words/sentences, forget things ive said/done, go on tangents, and forget to clarify even when i realize im being vague because i want to get my thoughts down is hell because it means my posts often get traction and in some cases im able to give a soapbox for others to stand on and talk about their own experiences and feelings, and ive seen excellent takes in tags and generally am able to see a bunch of people i maybe wouldnt have noticed before which is great.. but it also means people often misinterpret what i mean, get caught on a certain part or on my wording, and often make posts/points that i do agree with that read as if they believe my opinion directly opposes theirs. its both paranoia inducing and funny and also just sad, but at least it reminds me that no matter how concise i am, there will always be someone who finds a flaw in what i say. content creation, everyone

[hinamie]

[oc] 

even with refs i feel like im just Especially bad at drawing k*ssing dont look at me

[aziraphales-library]

hello!! first off, thank u so much for everything u all do!!

secondly, I was wondering if you had any recs for a/c parent fics where they’re both still an angel and a demon and their kid is Also… well some kind of angel/demon/supernatural being?? I’ve looked thru ur kid fic tag but ive currently drained it dry lmao

whether the kid is biologically their own or if they just found it on their doorstep or whatever I dont mind kdbdkd I just wanted some original-flavor parental omens with immortal kids and the thought of sifting thru all the human aus and raising-adam-or-warlock aus on ao3 makes my brain go ngk (I do like those kinds of aus too! they’re just not hittin this particular Craving yknow? kdbdkd)

thank u in advance for anything u find!!! 💖💖💖💖

Hey. We have some pregnancy fics here and as you mentioned we have our #kid fic tag. I’ve set up an ao3 search for you here, that includes the 'Original Child(ren) of Aziraphale and Crowley (Good Omens)’ tag and excludes the ‘Alternative Universe - Human’ tag, so you won’t have any sifting to do ;) For now, here is a selection of fics where Aziraphale and Crowley have non-human kids...

Pieces of Forever by GothRockFairy & KaytheJay (M)

Aziraphale disappeared without a trace for over three years. When he comes back, Crowley finds that he has had a number of secrets.

The true ineffability was the family we accidentally got along the way by SinfulLuca (T)

Aziraphale liked changes.

Changes were important and necessary. Changes were what made humanity humanity.

He might be slow to the adjustment but he liked changes.

…

Even when they broke his window.

The Ineffablility by TheAsexualHybrid (G)

Celestial is Heaven's youngest angel and given to Aziraphale to teach and train.

When Aziraphale loses the Flaming Sword, given to him to guard the Eastern Gate of The Garden of Eden, he and Celestial are tasked to remain on Earth and at first, things are great.

However, young Celestial and Aziraphale bonded and he took to raising her while on Earth, although once she reached her age, she became her own angel.

But when the Antichrist is born and Armageddon approaches, Celestial watches as her teacher/ father teams up with a demon named Crowley to stop it from happening!

And after a big mix up, she ends up meeting the real Antichrist and debates on whether or not to tell her adopted father.

Plan B is for Babysitting by Batscree (G)

In which our favorite archangel and Prince of Hell thought it was a good idea to kidnap half-angel, half-demon kids as revenge against the traitors who stopped Armageddon all those years ago. In hindsight, it wasn’t a well thought out plan on either side.

And a baby makes 3 by GreenGlitchBitch (T)

Crowley and Aziraphale find a baby angel in their garden, and decide to raise her. Fluff ensues.

The Butterfly Effect by NaoYoshikawa (M)

In mathematics and physics, the butterfly effect is a term that encapsulates the more technical notion of sensitive dependence on initial conditions found in chaos theory. The idea is that small variations in initial conditions produce large variations in the long-term behaviour of a system.

It is an ordinary autumn day when a little girl named El appears to Crowley and Aziraphale. The two do not yet know how much she will change their lives. Or how much they will change hers.

The butterfly that unleashes the storm with the beating of its wings.

- Mod D