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#i dont have a place left to just *exist*
squidgirlautism · 6 months
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scrolling through blogs on here like are you a misinformed wacko or lying about being jewish
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infinitystation · 4 months
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seeing a whole lot of "just run everything through nightshade or glaze" posts from people who forgot that some blogs are over a decade old. and that tumblr doesnt edit reblogs if the original post was edited
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astro-inthestars · 1 year
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Hi guess who feels like he just experienced 8 consecutive days in a matter of 2?
#rennikorambles#holy fuHUCK I AM SO EXHAUSTED. I AM LITERALLY EXHAUSTED#I WOULDNT BE SURPRISED IF I SAY THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST EXHAUSTING TWO DAYS OF MY FUCKING EXISTENCE...#yesterday in class our very first subject was our advisory one and since the cheer dance has been crucial we just went down to practice#great straining start to the day! (i do like our cheer dance though i think we'll beat the other sections but MAN IS IT TIRING.)#and then i had to go over to the avr to get prized and shit for winning 1st place on the spelling bee(it was nothing dont even care abt it)#and then after that immediately had to go down (since this was the end of class) and practice AGAIN for 2 more hours#good god and thats friday for you#and im pretty sure this was when i discovered that my brother (who usually goes home at 4 and my practice ended then)#had left me behind and gone home already. and like usually whenever i have practice and end at 4 we just go home w#*together#but. yeah. that didnt have me feeling good but it was okay#and when i was ready to pass out hoHOH NOO NONO#my aunt decided hey! we should celebrate your wonderful high grades by going out together (me my brother and my cousin) and h#have a sleepover! and we were just. sure ok. so we had to pack IMMEDIATELY and get on going#more stuff and more waiting in traffic happened and shit and more shit#and then we got to the street mall and hogh boy MORE WALKING. but i love the place so i didnt mind (still walking though. haugh)#and then ate at a place ive never eaten at. i liked the food really! but then my stomach decided death for me#(apparently eating dinner 9 hours after lunch isnt good..?) so the rest of the time my stomach was squeezing and i felt like throwing up#but it was fine i didnt throw up! AND THEN ALSO I FAILED TO MENTION. My class paid to reserve 4 hours at a court to practice#which was at 10 am the next day. so i had to sleep early which i did! woke up at 7 <3 watched enola holmes....#bUT I STILL GOT SO FUCKING LATE I ARRIVED AT 11. didnt even get to savor the sleepover haugh..... and then practice OH practice. sufferings#after a whole problem with a bunch of idiots at the court that barged in we decided to cut the practice at 12:30#i got picked up by my parents then we went home! .BUT ITS NOT OVER YET. WE HAD TO BRING OUR HOUSEHELP TO HER HOUSE#and they said it'd be quick. just a quick drop off to help her.#bUT NOOOOO WE WENT TO THE FILIPINO EQUIVALENT OF COSTCO AND THEN AN AMUSEMENT PARK#WHICH WAS SO COOL OH MY FUCK BUT ALSO HOLY SHIT.#first of all i got to finally try the Vikings ride and a roller coaster! good news i can handle roller coasters!#bad news i cannot handle vikings. theyre.... overwhelming- i couldnt even SCREAM from how scared i was#anyways i roamed phil costco it was so fun. but my poor feet. i have sustained 5 different kinds of body pain.
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solaaresque · 1 year
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day 874392857 of ??? where i am so fucking tired of this house and the people inside it that killing myself is looking better and better each day :/
#reze stfu#god i honestly. idk what to say#my parents aren't bad in terms of it. they're pretty good as far as parents go#but like. imso fucking tired of being expected to act and talk a certain way. yes. i am your first child#that is exactly the reason i am so fucked up!! because you didnt know how to deal with children when you had me an i was basically a...#idk. an experiment or wtv#I WISH THEY COULD UNDERSTAND THAT !!#i know there is something wrong with me. because i've been told that. to my face. repeatedly#and people wonder why my self esteem is so low :/#maybe if you didnt amke me question my fucking existance i wouldnt be this way. you ever thought of that??#just two more years . i gotta hanf on for two more years. thats all. thats all. and them im our im out of this house#maybe ill like them better when i dont see tjem everyday#god i love being deathly terrified of my own parents. sometimes i dont even think i love them. i think im just so scared of them#that ive deluded myself into thinking that i love them and theyd never do anything to hurt me#despite KNOWING that isnt true#and its worse when my sisters have to deal with the fallout like. im used to being the buffer. i can deal with that. but please please#please dont expect me to parent. dont expect me to take your place. side eyes my father#WHY am i the most responsible person in that house???#you expect me to trust you ??? after you left 2 10 year olds alone in a playground in the hot sun for 3 hours with no food no water no money#no way back home??? and you fucking forgot about them???? and i had to remind you????????#i dont know. maybe im just lashing out. maybe im just tired of being the fuckup#its hard to be proud of yourself when you end up being told that there is something about you that is not right in the head ykwim?#ugh im sorry for ranting i just. idek what set me off and now i have nail marks in my arm and my skin is raw again#and my eyes are bloodshot. so i guess. ill be crying myself to sleep again. yay#that is if i even GET to sleep. i just wasted 20 mins i couldve used to be working having a mental breakdown. fun fun#tw suicide#tw vent
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downfallofi · 9 months
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yuridovewing · 1 year
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ok unprompted actually i know but in my au, i would axe mapleshade being shoved into everyone else’s story and i think she pisses off all the other dark forest cats during oot because she keeps running to the mountains trying to make feathertail miserable but cant because feathertails an atheist now and doesnt give a fuck
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the-kipsabian · 1 year
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once again fellas, its time to Stress
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rise-my-angel · 2 years
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#im pretty convinced that if Oberyn weren't so integral to the plot of season 4#no one from Dorne would ever have been in the show#going back through season 5 onward with the Dorne plot#its obvious that the only reason it exists is beacuse Oberyn was such a major character that they knew they had to do something#with the people he left behind#but beacuse they had no interest they just wrote it however they wanted with zero interest in the actual characters#im 100% willing to bet if they could have gotten away with writing Oberyn Martell out of season 4 they would have#beacuse they clearly have zero interest in his family or people or country#and how badly it was handled after shows they dont care about Oberyns actions in the first place#im not saying it was racist fueled#but it sure feels pretty sus that the only kingdom in Westeros with prominently darker skin#are ultimately portrayed as evil snakey bad people who only care for blood sex and violence#when no others series of characters were as mishandled as Ellaria the sand snakes and the remaining Martells#like i know the meme of dragon lady bad#but like#shes one white woman who went out of character at the very last second of the show#they spent seasons 5 through 8 purposely portraying Ellaria and the Sand Snakes as despicable blood thristy women#and made Doran a complete idiot who literally does the exact opposite of everything he did in the books#like#that is way worse then whatever people complained about dragon lady bad#im so convinced they probably wished they could have written Oberyn out so they could avoid all this Dorne storylines#but George RR Martin was still consulting and assisting with writinf for the show in season 4 so they couldnt get away with it#guys its 4am#i havent written more then a few paragraphs all day but ive also spent all day engrossed in GoT meta
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jvzebel-x · 1 year
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🦋
#'wUtS sO wrOnG aBouT tRyInG tO gEt HawAiIaNs oFf tHe StReeTs--'#'im HaWaIiAn tOo n tHiS iS wHy wE cAnT gEt aHeaD--'#girl just say youre one of the extremely few hawaiians who grew up on those islands&had the privilege not to spend any time homeless#&shut the fuck up LMAO.#there is no 'pOliTiCs' to be on the right or wrong side of LMAO we do not need an outsider haole who owns land while the bulk of OUR ppl#left on the islands is fucking homeless&we sure as shit dont need him or any of his ppl telling us how they plan on assauging that fact#WITHOUT giving up their land or their power lmao like shut the FUCK up.#tell me w/o telling me that you dont know anything about the state of homelssness in the islands lmao.#he wants to set up tiny home camps to model after the one thats been up in kakaako for years like kakaako isnt STILL home to the largest#homeless camp on oahu or like ppl who are homeless&housing insecure-- ACROSS THE NATION not just in hawaii-- havent been talking for YEARS#about why these mini camps meant to mirror homelss shelters but w/ individual rooms to give the illusion of privacy#while 'advocates&volunteers' demand ID&talk down to you&refuse to let you bring in your own items or exist according to your own schedule.#tell me w/o telling me youve never dealt w/ actual land development issues in your life lmao even w/ these terrible plans#what PLANET do the protected historic lands need to lose protection so the state can work w/ PRIVATE LAND OWNERSHIP to build these places?#'i Am HaWaIiAn--' girl shut the fuck up why should that matter to me if youre sucking haole cock&telling us were all failing#bc we wont do the same LMAO.#hope sacrificing your integrity&connection to us is worth it white supremacy will have a ball using you until you act up.
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agayconcept · 2 years
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imblocking-you · 2 years
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Why are the <School Tales> kids so curious and inquisitive? They're either brave or stupid.
Like it's dark, and you're in a cramp, old, and crumbling place; You're the only one there and suddenly a voice calls out to you or a book falls down out of seemingly nowhere and it's the one coincidentally titled "book of corpses". girlie, that is your cue to get the fuck out of there 😭
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dandyshucks · 2 months
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best part of non-real worldbuilds (like any worldbuilds that aren't just... our actual world we're living in rn exactly as it is fdsjkl) is that I can just decide transphobia does not exist in them and that I could be gendered correctly and it would not be an issue in any way shape or form.
Guz is cool with me being nonbinary/transneutral because I've decided that is just a normal thing in pkmn world. people like me exist and it's totally normal. and yknow,,, even if i did a real-world AU with him, he still would be chill about trans and nonbinary ppl existing bc his whole thing is like. going against traditions he thinks are stupid and shaking up the status quo and being a leader for outcasts so,,,, him being transphobic would just be stupid and OOC lmao
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aashiq-bf · 3 months
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I lied
#so#dni#idek where to start man#the first thing i can remember is that im a misogynist now apparently#wait not now#ive always been#that i judge girls for living their life and guys for having what I don't have#surely not what i want to be like literally the last thing i want to be is a misogynist#the world is not a sunshine place i imagine it to be where nobody is a racist or sexist or homophobic or ableist and everybody sings hakuna#matata or sunshine songs its pathetic it makes me wanna vomit i want to be happy but it forces me to become nihilistic with my thoughts#its fucked up its just so rotten at its core that even the smallest emotions feels like a huge generosity from the gods themselves#im at the pojnt in my life thaf if i dont act now im going to lose the years ive already lost#my entirety of teenage is gone now and im unprepared and unequipped to fight around for my life#im left catching up and apparently ive been sleeping on the track even though im the turtle#it fucking sucks to be me yk#im so so soo self centred btw i cant think of others i cant care for others unless its about me somehow#i deserve to die for whatever goes on in my head its so blasphemous to existence itself its pointless to even exist anymore#i have everything a person could ask for#loving parents a normal life a good college friends who care for me and who i care for not that financially fucked up a good career#lined up in the future#i could be stable yk i could be happy grateful satistfied#i should even be working harder to achieve what i want without losing up on reality chasing my dreams#and what do i do#what the fuck do i do?????#cry over a girl just because she was supposed to *save* her virginity for when we got married???????#how stupid is that?????#she doesnt owe me anything she can do what she wants with her life she isnt someone i control or any such thing#who am i to judge people im literally just a loser npc simpleton who's been left alone and normal so long he's forgotten how to exist#i feel disgusted with myself#its just like the times i have the wild theories about whos doing what behind my back
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qqueenofhades · 4 months
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https://www.tumblr.com/qqueenofhades/743255237060689920/the-thing-that-confuses-me-about-the-dont-vote
The “don’t vote” left’s point is basically that, if Biden gets a second term, it’ll basically signal that “They’ll vote for us as long as we’re not Republicans, why don’t we do some REAL fucked up shit, if we can get away with it?” It takes the power out of the people’s hands and places it firmly in the party’s.
I can’t completely disagree with that, my caveat is that there’s no real alternative system or party in place, because top-down change is ineffective; a third party president has to contend with a two party congress.
Except no. This whole "Biden just wants to do as much fucked up shit as possible while not being a Republican, and if you give him a second term he'll do more fucked up shit deliberately to spite you" mindset is only possible as an interpretation if you a) deliberately and comprehensively ignore everything he has done to date, and b) you approach the situation with the maximum bad faith possible. Not to mention, the ultimate outcome of this Big Important Teaching Biden A Lesson is that Trump gets back into power and makes everything orders of magnitude worse, because he does in fact want to deliberately do evil shit to everyone and says so at every opportunity. There is not some magical happy alternative that springs into existence by not voting. If you choose this as a year to Teach Biden A Lesson, you are enabling Trump. Trump will be much, much worse. If you don't care about that, I still do not care what your Great Ideology is. You are not helping anyone and you are directly and irreversibly hurting everyone.
I made a post a few days ago wherein I mentioned that I want to assess Biden fairly, taking into account both strengths and weaknesses, but the rampant bad-faith, lying, misreading, misrepresentation, and open sabotage of him (especially by the online left; the GOP sometimes only wishes they were as good at turning Biden's voter pool against him) makes it really difficult to do that. My frustration with those people makes me just want to go "BIDEN IS GREAT THE END." I know he is a flawed old man (though by literally every account of a career spent in public service, he really does care about making the world a better place and any remotely good faith reading of his accomplishments thus far can see that). It is also very likely that he goes MORE left in a second term because he won't have to face the electorate again, he has always gone more left when pushed before, and he's not actually the scheming genocidal mastermind that leftist social media paints him as. Shocking, I know.
I know there are things in the world we don't like and don't want and want to stop, and therefore we blame our own president for not making it stop. But I have zero, no, none, absolutely none whatsoever sympathy for this pseudo-populist "WE NEED TO TEACH BIDEN A LESSON BY ELECTING TRUMP AGAIN, I AM VERY MORAL MUCH ACTIVIST" mindset. There's this funny thing about America wherein it is still (for now) a democracy. If Biden wins a second term, he can't run again. I would take literally anything these people said more seriously if they focused on developing their dream progressive successor for 2028 (and also figured out how to get that person elected and in a place to make real change) rather than cynically sabotaging Biden in the most consequential election year, again, of our lifetimes. If you don't like him now, find a way to make his successor a better option. Throwing a toddler tantrum and handing the country back to a senile, deranged, fascist, revenge-riddled, theocratic Trump HELPS. NOBODY. I still don't know how many times I'm going to have to say that, but yeah.
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talbotgrimes · 1 year
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theood · 1 year
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I've been making so many adult phone calls recently and now Im playing will my doctor fill my t prescription, they haven't gotten back to me I've been off T since the day after my one month mark, they needed PA for my insurance to cover it, "we'll get back to you in one to two business days" it's been much longer, the pharmacy wont tell me when PA is required leaving me to wait longer, I still don't have a job, I have to call my doctor tomorrow to ask whats going on. If I get told anything with my insurance is fucky, that the PA didn't go through, I have to pay out of pocket I can't afford my T. I was so fucking happy to start it, I was over the moon I FELT happier, I was so excited to wake up every day, I haven't felt like that in so long and it all got torn from under me and I am trying to hard to stay positive and that it will all be okay because it HAS to be okay because I chose to live, because I chose to keep going, because I want to be alive, but all of this really takes it toll and I am just tired. I am so tired of being the adult. I've been playing adult for so long I want to step back and I cant and I have to keep going because that's just life and I just want one stable thing again
I want to be on T again. I want to be happy. I want to be myself. I chose to be happy why is that so hard too keep
#elias.zip#I guess. im not going to lie I feel very fucking defeated. I got told I would get an email from a place I applied to tonight. I will give#her a couple days bfore I try calling again and hope they don't blacklist me. Im going to ask to switch to shots because I cant keep doing#this PA stuff. I cant. i just want to get my T at reasonable times and have it when I need it. Why does everyone else get to have it no pr#oblem and I dont? I am doinf my best to stay positive I am trying to change how I let my internal dialogue talk but man it feels so fucking#right to me that I should just give up. Starting T was a joke. Im never getting on it again. I'll be 30 and no ones going to know Elias be#cause he doesnt exist and im never going to hear my name said and I was never meant to be happy and I will rot in my room just like I did#when I was younger and I never really left my childhood home. and I never grew up#and tomorrow im going to get up and make another adult phonecall and ask nicely about my prescription and if I can switch or if switching#would negate the PA request I am not told about and I will have to scrounge for money and save every penny and tell the voices#thank you for helping and hang up and go on with my day where I do nothing because I am nothing and then I will smile at everyone and#say I love you#I dont even have any money for shots or for needles. sure my insurance says they cover shots and shots usually provide less trouble but w#hat about the needles. the disposal. a safe place to put those. i cant ask my mom and dad. im alone in this. i cant pay anyone back. no#place wants a deadbeat as a hire and thats all I am to any job no matter how hopeful I come in. no one wants to work with me. no one wants#to train me. my teacher was right on how I was going to grow up.#and yet. again. tomorrow im going to wake up and go 'this is fine' and im going to call and act like everything is ok and assure myself its#ok because it has to be. if I tell myself that enough it has to be true. thats how it works#fake it till you make it and all that#just. man all the adults in my life were right about me lol
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