#i dont know what it is about dating men that makes women decide that everyone whos opinion they value is wrong about This One Thing

[ot3]

sometimes when life is bad i remind myself that i will never have to date a shitty boyfriend who every one of my friends and family hates and act like im enjoying myself love and light

[makos-ribcage]

No one loses ㅡ ༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

[] - You make Sanji jealous with the help of Zoro

𓇼afab!reader, she/her

! - Toxic relationship, hard language, sanji angst, soft nsfw and implied harsh nsfw

so ive realized how many ppl dont add the fact that sanji is a player when writing stuff about him, so i wanted to write smth based on it, i rlly like the start, enjoy :) if this get enough love ill write a second part :o

You knew what you were getting your ass into. You just didn't expected for it to be so bad from time to time.

You've been dating Sanji for a little longer than 3 months know, but knew him for years. You knew about his issues when it came to women. The fact that he would become a total dumbass, blindfolded, stupid ass man the second a woman appeared in his sight.

You knew that, but you also knew you really loved him, he would make you really happy, you loved the way he was such a gentleman, how he kept himself motivated despite his tragic past and every single little detail about his personality and looks that made him unique.

He also loved you deeply, more than any other woman, he thinks you're the prettiest and best woman out there. But that doesn't stop him to go back to his brainless self in front of women every now and then. You would usually just scold him a little, touch him or just talk to him and he would remember that he was taken and that he had to control his ass.

But not that night, you didn't even recognized him.

Once the Straw Hats became popular, a good amount of pirates and even just random people became "fanatics" of you. Fanatics of Sanji as well.

That blonde cook was good looking, with a deep sensual voice mixed with his height and his ability to cook, enough to make any woman fall over heels to him. Now that his popularity grew, women would even let slide when he was borderline a pervert just to get close to the straw hats or being able to fuck anyone that was part of the crew.

You were at a fancy bar, taking a lil rest from the piracy. Each one of the Straw Hats had a small group of people come around them as they entered the place and each one of them got rid of them in their own way.

Zoro ignored women until they grew tired, Nami stole every single men's wallet, Robin freaked them out with her hands, Luffy acted like Luffy, Usopp told a few lies so obvious that women realized it and you insulted any guy that approached you.

But Sanji? Oh, no. He totally forgot the fact that he was in a relationship the second more than 3 women surrounded him. Flirting with them, telling them that he can cook anything that they wanted, using that deep raspy voice that he knew you loved and place his big soft hands on the women's thigh.

You tried to get him out of there but he would make a comment about "Being enough for everyone", when you called him he basically ignored you, when you touched him he barely noticed. You felt terrible,

After that humiliation, you decided to seat down, your sadness quickly being replaced by anger. You stared at him from the bar with your drink in one hand. He was sitting on the opposite side of the bar with a bunch of women, one on each side of him, the rest surrounding him, massaging his shoulders, giving him compliments, making sure their boobs touched his arms.

You snapped when you saw one of those girls grab his cheeks and playfully kiss his lips. Him just accepting it with a big dumb smile on his face. What the fuck was he even thinking about? You came to the conclusion he wasn't thinking at all.

If he wanted to play a jealousy game, you could play too, and you were going to be the best at it. You knew how to hurt him, you were his girlfriend after all. Zoro.

Zoro and you were quite close. You were strong and independent and he really respected that coming from a woman, specially considering his childhood. You both saw each other as the same, you used to train together, you knowing he wasn't going to hold back because "You're a girl".

It wasn't something unknown that Sanji hated Zoro for some reason, he hated the fact that you trained together, getting to a point where he would just sit and watch your training sessions just to make sure he wasn't going to try anything on you.

You approached him on the bar. He was drinking one of the many drinks that he had planned for the night, slightly drunk but so were all of you. He stared at you as you came closer.

"I need help." You told him, an angry expression on your face that he mimicked right away, thinking it was a dead or life situationship. "Help me get Sanji jealous." His face relaxed.

"Are you serious?" He whispered, feeling like you were teenagers at school.

"Very. Look at him!" You pointed at him, knowing that you could be yelling his name and he wouldn't notice, he was staring directly into some women boobs as he grabbed her waist. "I'm mad as fuck, and you hate him, let's make him mad. No one loses" Besides of Sanji, of course, but he deserves it.

Zoro considered it for a second. He did hated him, he did wanted to help you and you were hot. He gets to be drunk, flirt with a hot girl and make his nemesis mad, he truly don't loses anything.

He chugged his drink, then stared at you. "'Kay, what's the plan?". You smiled.

He put one of his hands on your hip, his hand lingering to your ass slowly. Both of you stood next to a wall near Sanji, you against the wall and Zoro in front of you. Now that you had him so close you realized how big he was. Sanji was tall, sure, but Zoro was big, he covered your body completely, and you felt tiny with his hand on your waist.

Zoro put a happy hand on one of your thighs again, playfully sticking a few fingers under your skirt, wanting to make the best of the situation now that he was at it. You placed a hand on his chest, and he drew you closer with his free hand. Talking to each other while being very near of each other faces. You could breathe the alcohol on Zoro's mouth, and he had a nice view of your cleavage.

Sanji stared at both of you in confusion, he was jealous of you simply talking to him back in the Sunny, seeing both of you so touchy definitely called his attention. But not enough for him to put a stop to his playful flirting with the women.

"It's not working..." You whispered to Zoro, directing your view to Sanji, slightly pouting. He stared into your eyes. "How jealous you wanna make him?".  He grabbed your chin, making you face him again. Oh, he was drunk drunk.

His hand drifted to your neck, squeezing it slightly, enough for you to open your mouth slowly to breathe better. Not even trying to dismiss it as a romantic kiss, he licked your lips slowly, kissing you and quickly turning it into a french kiss.

Out of surprise, and maybe something else, you slightly moaned in his mouth, and you felt his lips curl up into a small smile. His hands kept you in place by your waist, you touched his chest not being sure what to do, deciding to hug him by the neck and pull him closer as well. That heated kiss lasted longer than you expected. Zoro's hands explored your body confidently, the hand on your neck slowly going down until reaching one of your boobs.

You grabbed his wrist, not sure if it was being too much. But his hand didn't stopped at all and you didn't knew if Sanji saw you.

It was something childish and dumb, you didn't just wanted to make him a little jealous, you wanted him to feel bad, as bad as you felt watching him not pay attention to you just get some other girls boobs on his face. It made you feel terrible, feel like you weren't enough, like you were replaceable and you were just some girl he said yes to being her boyfriend just to have some pussy that he was certain he would have available always.

Zoro broke the kiss first, staring directly to your red lips, not because of lipstick but because of such type of kiss.

You felt a presence next to you, when you turned your head, Sanji was there, clearly really mad.

"Oh, you're here, I thought I'd had to fuck Zoro to call your attention." You said, probably as mad as him, but keeping a calm nonchalant expression. It was obvious his actions affected you, but you didn't wanted to show that they did, yet.

"I don't mind." Zoro said, back to his usual, less hot, self, also staring at Sanji.

Sanji pushed both of you aside, deciding to deal with you first and then beat the living shit out of Zoro after he was done with you.

He grabbed your hand dragging you out of the bar. Being cornered in a wall once again on an alley a few streets out of the bar and near the docks where the sunny was, now by your boyfriend, you stared at him straight into his eyes.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He said, clear anger on the sound of his voice. "Out of all the men on that bar, It had to be Zoro, of course." He was mad, you could tell, but you decided to play your little act of not caring for longer.

"Yeah, but they were focused on how you were almost fucking every single girl in the bar, I bet they were jealous." You said, staring right into his eyes, he seemed to feel ashamed of his actions, just for a few seconds, a feeling that faded quickly as you kept talking. "But Zoro didn't seem to care, and since you were experimenting with girls hotter than me, I thought I'd do the same with someone hotter than you."

His face turned red quickly. He grabbed your face with one hand harshly. A grip tight enough to make your face hurt a little.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He yelled at you, startling you for a second, but you were sure he wouldn't hurt you, either because you trusted him, because you were drunk or because you were mad, you weren't too sure.

"I don't know, you tell me, you've been an asshole to me all night!" You answered, as harshly as him, quickly getting more and more heated by his lack of excuses, you knew you were wrong, but so was him. And he started the whole deal so he had to apologize first.

He released your face, placing his hand on one of his hips as the other one rested next to your head against the wall. "Of course not! I'd never do such thing! You were the one almost fucking Zoro." Now he was treating you like you were insane. Flirting with other girls was already bad enough, but acting like you hallucinated everything and faking dementia was going to make you genuinely insane.

"Yes you did such thing!" You mocked him, watching his gaze get madder and madder. "I even saw you kiss one!"

"Nope, I don't remember that" He played dumb, and you stared at him dumbfounded.

"You're unbelievable! I can't believe I even started dating you!" You turned your head way from him.

He stared at you in surprise, he knew he had a problem, but he did love you, as much as his stupid behavior allowed him. "What the fuck do you mean?" His expression of surprise was quickly replaced by the same stare of anger you saw directed to you all night. You were forced to face him again as he grabbed your forearm with a little too much strength. Pulling you closer where you could feel his familiar breath. "I mean that I hate you!" You replied quickly, not giving it a lot of thought, probably going to regret saying that as much as he's going to regret not paying you attention that night.

"Fine! I hate you too!" He answered, not letting you go neither pulling you away despite of his words. You stared at him, his blue eyes that looked at you with a hatred that you didn't believe was genuine at all, he probably thought the same of your own stare of hatred.

"Fine." You whispered, looking down to his lips for a few seconds, as you licked yours.

"Fine." He mirrored your expression. Staring into your lips.

Before you could even process that you "Hated each other", you pulled him closer, pressing your lips into his own. He placed a hand on the back of your head while the other one got around your waist.

You gripped his shirt as the kiss continued, unbuttoning the first buttons of his shirt while Sanji's hand on your waist lingered lower and lower.

"Let's go to the sunny." You felt that deep, raspy voice that you loved against your lips once again.

"Yes."

[i-cant-sing]

Would you ever do a yandere oc based on an urdu male lead? Maybe even with a foreigner reader learning his culture as an overseas worker?

-Thank you for reading!

OFCCCCC!!! Okay so I'm thinking of 2 Pakistani men, and these guys are bffs. OC #1 is a handsome dude that was born with a silver spoon, lives in a big ass haveli (or mansion. Just Google it) with his family- his parents and 3 brothers and he's the youngest and most loved of them all. This OC (I can't decide what job he has, so I'll leave it to u guys to vote on) is either going to be a business man who inherits his father's company, OR he can be a lawyer (very successful). OC #1 appears to be a cocky and overconfident, PLAYER who has the best luck but he's actually really hardworking and smart and was on the Dean's valedictorian list, he just doesn't take life too seriously. Hes very charming and charismatic and everyone wants to either be with him or BE HIM. His carefree attitude is often mistaken as him not being serious in any aspect of his life- be it love or career. But that's totally not true. He's worked hard for everything in life, and he may date a lot of people but he always makes sure that his dates know from day 1 that he's not serious about them. That it's just a fling.

OC #2 is a guy who's dark and brooding, completely opposite of sunshine OC #1. It's a mystery how the two ended up as best friends (OC#1 met OC#2 in kindergarten and demanded to be friends with him. #2 said no at first, but quickly came to realise that #1 was a true friend when he'd always share his lunch with him because #2 was dirt poor). This oc was basically very poor and had to work very hard from a very young age if he ever hoped to support his single mother(who he loves very much). His IQ? ITS 192. He's very intelligent, but still sort of keeps to himself, low key comes off as rude because of how quiet he is, seems and sometimes is least interested in other people (but that doesn't mean he doesn't notice them. He remembers everything). Growing up, his only friend has been OC #1, who he likes to pretend is a nuisance but he actually cares about him, especially because OC #1's family even treated him as their own. The two of them always did everything together, even applied to the same schools and would always have a friendly competition among themselves (no one else could even imagine to compete wuth them because theyd 1000% lose). OC #2 is very prideful and he never accepted charities, not even from his bff, was the valedictorian of his college (he was the top student in every institute he ever went to, and always got the first position in every exam he took). Not only is he academically very smart, but he's also very good in sports. So he's an all rounder. His job (again u guys have to decide) could be either business man (he started his own tech company.) Or he could be a lawyer (to fight injustice with his bff) OR he could be a SPY!

So basically, the story would go like Y/n coming into their life and yknow the basics- she's not fawning over them, is smart and independent, feminine and just like best girl everr. Anyways, the of them fall for her simultaneously, but you are the one thing that neither of them will ever compromise on, AND DONT BRING UP "SHARING YOU" they will actually murder whoever brings up the idea because monogamy is a big thing among these men (unless ur a Muslim guy, u can technically marry 4 women, but most don't opt to because they're very possessive and also the INFLATION???) Both of them are very possessive and are keeping tabs on you at all times.

Names for OC #1: Zulfiqar, Halim, Ibrahim, Ali Asghar, Haroon

Names for OC #2: Hashim, Mahir, Mehmet

Okay so help me choose their careers and names! And feel free to send asks for them. I'll answer them.

[letters-of-libertas]

I'm bi and yeah your note on women not having solidarity seems sadly true. Apart from not dating men would there be anything you would suggest to improve ones life apart from stating away from those women if possible?

I love this question because this is how to start thinking: being practical.

What it takes to "improve ones life" is subjective so with that said firstly define what a better life(style) for yourself away from moids would look like. Temporarily mentally remove xy terrorist existence. What would your habits/routine be? What would you work towards & pour your energy into? What would you want to be? What would you center your life around? Take your time with these questions or anymore that come up. Have a general idea then be more specific and start breaking your life down into sectors/sections/areas, then look at where you want to be in those areas and work towards it.

For example; I divide my life into 6-7 aspects:

Physical Strength - Not just about muscle but knowing how to fight, where to hit and when to fight. Being stronger makes it easier to defend yourself in altercations (especially with other women). Some mfs will try you & you cant always rely on others coming to your rescue. Also work on building stamina to help endurance, and keeping as healthy as possible.

Emotional Strength - If you cant control your emotions they will control you. In a world of chaos being emotionally strong will let you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters. Building emotional strength is not easy but it's worth it. Being able to rise above immediate reactions and pace yourself will allow you to assess situations more rationally & make more beneficial choices.

Finances - Get your bag up. Having money to gain resources is imperative to quality of life. I dont care what anyone says having a certain amount of money in life WILL make you happier as you're able to meet your needs better. Having more money/resources also makes it easier to support other women should you choose to do so, it also allows you to be more influential and have more control over your life. However, dont become a slave to getting money tho because that's how you get scammed.

Network - The type of people you hang around can make or break who you are as a person. Aim to connect with likeminded women who will encourage & inspire you as you go on this journey. Hang around people that value & will be honest with you while giving you grace. Not all women you engage with have to be single & childfree but beware the moid crazy ones because they will bring danger to you in their quest for maIe validation. Life isn't perfect but you cant go wrong having the right people around you, valuable relationships are hard to find but it goes a long way even if it's just online. However, no company > bad company.

Spirituality/Guide - Having something bigger than yourself to guide you through the chaos in this world can offer guidance/purpose that keeps you grounded & focused. For many people generally this is religion/god. Not everyone needs or ascribes to religion/spirituality though, but at least consider sets of morals/beliefs to follow. However even that isn't for everyone. So if you feel better off without spirituality or a 'higher' guide at least be clear on it & your reasons why (for yourself).

Hobbies & Interests - As turbulent as the world is, find things to enjoy amidst the chaos. Constant work, doom, and gloom will not change anything you will only hurt yourself. Take time to indulge in things that make you happy to recharge & relax. Engage in hobbies that serve you, share your passion with other women & hear theirs out too. It goes a long way in terms of mental health.

Security - It takes privilege to decide to not get married or have children as a woman & live it out. Everyone's situation is different so what I'll generally suggest is to constantly look into how you can protect yourself, have backup methods, and stay in the loop of xy predation. Dont drown in it but moids are predators & being completely blind to them is being blind to danger. Elaborated on point 10 here.

Sounds like a lot? Great, it'll keep you busy because this isn't a vacation or destination but a lifestyle. And to be honest, some of y'all can do with the busyness as it'll let you focus on what actually matters. This not to say to overwhelm yourself in things for the sake of it but to prioritise your energy on effective things for your life. As you focus on building you'll find that you have less energy to care about insignificant stuff or stuff out of your control anyways. For example, Instead of getting wound up about user somerandomadjectivefem stirring discourse calling you an extremist or whining about how impossible it is for her & other women to live without romantic love n' whatnot (or even women irl pulling this crap), you either ignore or quickly shut down the conversation & swiftly move on.

Everything I've mentioned are just examples, you may feel differently do whatever you feel best applies. Also remember to enjoy the process along the way as you are living through it afterall :3

Long story short: Work on building resources & other aspects of your life up for yourself.

[musubiki]

so yeah, heres the clarinette and lime story: (long post, its a short enough story that i can talk about it in one post i think)

about a year into lime working with the m34th, after a bunch of failed investigations and dead-ends when it came to finding mochi, he started thinking "God it would be nice if I could just get over her."

not in a bad vibes never-talk-to-her-again way, obviously would still be happy to see her again, but just to not have it at the forefront of his mind ALL THE TIME. so he falls back into his previous highschool mindset of "Maybe I just liked her because she gave me attention? Maybe I should just go out with someone to see if I can get over her that way. I never tried that yet, maybe that's the answer."

right around the same time, clarinette approached him and asked him (politely) if he wanted to get coffee with her sometime. they weren't especially close, theyd done a few missions together, but lime didnt know her very well. shed already been there a few years when he was recruited, and she (obviously) noticed him pretty quickly since he was so handsome and rose up through the ranks VERY fast. very impressive.

he knew OF her. and didnt have any strong feelings about her either way. she seemed nice enough, she asked him out in a very nice and casual way (gave him an easy out to say no, something like "I was wondering if you'd be free to get coffee sometime? Though I know work here can be tiring so I understand if you'd rather rest on your days off!", which he appreciated)

so when she asked him, he stood there for a while in silence, before going. "...sure, why not." and the whole room fell silent. she was NOT the first girl to ask him out there, and the whole times hes been there everyone had only ever seen him reject people. men going "Dude for real?!?!?" and women going "Clarinette how did you do it?!! How did you get him to say yes??!?"

anyway, when they actually go to get coffee, lime decides "Okay you're gonna give this your all. GENUINELY try to like her. Don't be an asshole." she tells him shed treat him since she invited him, but he rejects that and pays for her anyway. In his mind, its what he would do for mochi so hes gonna try and do everything the same. try to like her, he tells himself.

though the whole time she can tell he has a bit of a distant look in his eyes when he looks at her, so she eventually goes "...so tell me about her!" with a smile. and when he questions what shes talking about, she says something like "The girl in your wallet. She's special to you, right?" (very sweet vibes, not in a hostile tone.) lime says "Oh...I didn't realize you could tell." and after a long pause she goes "It's okay! I can tell you still love her, but...can we date anyway?"

and lime also appreciates this. honestly he didnt plan on telling her about mochi at all. dont really want to be talking about the girl you ACTUALLY love to the girl your dating, but clarinette lets him do that. she asks about mochi, and lime kinda rambles about her for a while, his eyes light up and he has a very soft look in his eyes (which honestly hurt when she sees this, but figures its a better strategy than trying to make him forget her entirely)

anyway, after a short bit of dating (maybe like 2 months?), clarinette likes him more and more and lime honestly....feels worse and worse. shes not a bad person, shes sweet and cute, but shes not mochi. and the more he hangs out with her, the more this eats away at him, and he finds himself missing mochi more. everytime he goes on a date with clarinette, the whole time hes wishing it was mochi there instead.

after one of their dates clarinette decides its time to (gently) confront him about mochi. he brings her up again in conversation, and clarinette goes "Lime...to be honest, I know you really liked her but...she's not here now. I am. So...I think that," and after pausing for a LONG time, says "...Y...you should focus on me more if we're going to keep dating!" (risky, she knows, but at the same time she wanted to TRY to move them forward. since she doesnt want him to be talking about his ex(???) the whole time theyre together)

and lime stands there in silence for a bit before saying "I know. You're right...I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm sorry." and clarinette is SHOOK. she didn't think hed choose his lost exgirlfriend (???) (shes still confused about what the relationship was) over her.

lime continues: "To be honest...I only dated you because I thought it would help get over her, but it didn't. I know you probably thought I'd pick you, but....honestly, anytime I'm with you, I'm constantly wishing it was her instead. And it's wrong, and not fair to you-- you deserve someone who actually wants you, so...I'm sorry."

"I hope this doesn't make things too weird at work, (mumbling to himself: I should've picked someone outside the workplace)..." and the whole time hes talking shes lowkey panicking. eventually interrupts him with something like "W-wait, you're not serious right? I-I was just kidding! Let's go back to how things were before!! I was being hasty!! Hey, they sell some good smoothies just down the road, you wanna get some??" desperately trying to backtrack, but lime is already set in his decision.

he tells her maybe 2 or 3 more times that hes serious, that he genuinely doesnt want to date her anymore as she keeps pushing, and every time he has to reiterate he gets a little more mean about it (partly to convince her hes not worth the trouble, partly because hes getting annoyed).

up until now he didnt realize she was the persistent type, who is his least favorite type of person (he likes the type of person who respects when he says no and he doesnt have to be mean to them). he didnt reject her off the bat, so in the moment he now realizes that he didnt know whether she was the type to take no for an answer (she isnt).

anyway, after this she keeps trying to get him to like her again. he STRAIGHT UP tells her he doesnt like persistent women, but she figures that if she doesnt try at all, she'll never have a chance period.

continues to bring him cookies and hand-knit scarves, invites him to amusement parks, etc, and he rejects every single one. next time hes talking to oscar, coco and taffy goes "See this is why I don't date people, I hate having to deal with this shit. Why doesn't she just leave me alone?! I already said no a THOUSAND times."

eventually he gets desensitized to rejecting her and it becomes a normal daily occurrence. not even a gentle rejection, he is actually mean about it (to try to get her to stop), but shes the happy nothing-gets-me-down type, so is immune to the mean-ness.

side note: after theyre not going out anymore, sometimes people refer to clarinette as his "ex-girlfriend", which lime is quick to correct because she was never his girlfriend, they never got that far. they just went on a few dates

side note (2): they never kissed or did anything physical. lime didnt have it in him. he couldnt do it. the most theyve ever done is she held his hand during one of their dates.

[elipheleh]

The truth is every queer person has the right to come out on their own terms, and on their own timeline. They also have the right to choose not to come out at all. The forced conformity of the closet can not be answered with the forced conformity in coming out of it.

-Alex, Red White & Royal Blue (2023)

i want to talk about this quote. full disclosure, it’s because i keep seeing some really frustrating takes (some of which veer into queerphobia) and i am getting a bit annoyed with people and rather than directly addressing it with them & appear to be picking a fight im going to make an analysis post in my space. (tbf. its mostly on twitter and i have a priv account so that limits me)

disclaimer; this is my interpretation, im not saying its the only interpretation just something to consider. i am queer & cognitively disabled - don’t assume malice and dont be cruel. i will ignore and block freely.

tl;dr/very simplified summary: it doesn’t mean “dont ever speculate about other people’s sexuality” but rather that ‘coming out’ in the way society understands it shouldn’t be a necessity for queer people to exist openly as queer. full context under the cut & self-exploration questions at the end.

so lets start with the context. alex is talking at a point in time when the world has read their emails and so knows both are queer (bi & gay, specifically), but neither alex/the white house or henry/the palace have commented. so more simply - alex and henry are known to be queer, but have not come out. alex uses the speech to come out as bi, and as being in love with henry. he also uses it to imply that he & henry should have the right to choose not to do this formal coming out alex is doing.

—

okay. lets get into the quote analysis.

The truth is every queer person has the right to come out on their own terms, and on their own timeline.

reasonably self explanatory. each queer person gets to decide their own timing for coming out, and the way that they want to address their sexuality.

They also have the right to choose not to come out at all.

this is where problems with interpretation have started to appear. fundamentally yes, this means people are allowed to not be openly queer/‘out’ if that is what their decision is. but it also means that they can be visibly queer - for example being in a visibly queer relationship; signalling with their aesthetic (e.g. someone being butch, someone who wears only ‘girl’ clothes despite that being at odds to their assigned gender); casually posting about queer things on social media etc - without addressing their own sexuality to others.

it does not mean that you should assume everyone is straight until they explicitly tell you otherwise. and quite frankly insisting that it does mean that is veering into homo-/bi-/queer-phobia because you are insinuating that being not-straight is a negative thing.

The forced conformity of the closet can not be answered with the forced conformity in coming out of it.

some people seem to be interpreting this as ‘you shouldnt force people out of the closet’ and i don’t think thats quite to the nuance of what it means. yes, i do think that is part of it - in much the same way as the previous sentence - but it is not really the whole of it. in my opinion this is actually addressing - at least to some degree - the concept of ‘we should assume people are straight until they explicitly say otherwise’.

the ‘forced conformity of coming out’ addresses the idea that to be “out” you have to follow these steps; that you have to make a public statement that ‘this is my sexuality and i am [queer/bi/gay/pan/ace/etc]’. you are conforming to this precedent of “how to come out” that countless queer people have followed. there’s nothing inherently wrong with doing so, but actually there are different ways to be queer - and even being “out” as queer - that don’t involve following that playbook.

here’s a hypothetical to demonstrate my point. two men, who have never dated any women, live together & spend basically all their time together over 5-10 years. they holiday with each other’s family, they’re always together at events (e.g. weddings of non-mutual friends), but they’ve never told you/the public that they’re queer and/or dating each other. at what point does one start to assume they’re together? and does the answer change if its a man & a woman rather than two men? if a man & a woman did that, people would assume pretty early on they’re probably dating. but yet when it’s two men suddenly it’s invasive to speculate. this is where this concept of the forced conformity of coming out comes in - along with the veering into homophobia i referenced earlier - why must they say the words “i am gay” for it to then be ‘okay’ to consider that they’re together? (the homophobia comes into play because if you think being gay is morally neutral (which it is) then you shouldn’t have any issue with the speculation about people being together regardless of their genders.) the idea that straight is the default is where this forced conformity starts to really kick in.

—

i guess the main things i want people to ask themselves are these (and i have been asking myself these questions, there is no judgement or censure just self examination):

1. do you think people can be openly queer publicly without explicitly sharing that they are queer? (by this i mean in an announcement or in casual conversation. can you be openly queer without ever addressing it explicitly?)

2. if you do, why do you think that talking about the possibility someone is queer is something that should be hushed up? is it because there is an internalised concept that being queer is something abnormal and/or negative? if it was a straight couple would you feel the same way?

3. what does “coming out” mean to you? why does it mean that, what have you internalised to get to that conclusion & is it something that always works or are there other ways to be openly queer (or ‘out’ if you prefer)?

4. is it possible that there are queer people living openly and happily as themselves without explicitly addressing their sexuality to the wider world, who don’t want to address it publicly? does this make them closeted or ‘less’ queer to you? if so, what makes you think that?

[blonde-tori-spring555]

sexuality advice

something that helped me was trying not to define my attraction. at first, what that looked like it just saying, “okay. im bi.” as if i had always been bi. then i started looking at my attraction as if i had always been bi. if i had always been bi, would i have said i had a crush on this girl? if bring bi was the norm, would i think i were attracted to her?

later down the road, it was saying i was unlabelled. it took me a while to get there because i spent so much time thinking about my sexuality, but when i did it was extremely freeing. i could just say that i liked everyone in a different way and not worry about gender.

so i guess what im saying here, is try out the aueer labels. maybe not to your friends, maybe just to yourself, but try them out and see if they make sense. after all, youve been trying out straight for a long time.

also, stupid thing but something that helped me A LOT: make a self insert character. what is your immediate impulse to give them for sexuality?

you can say youre straight and like women. you can say youre bi and mainly be attracted to men. you can say youre queer and not put a label on it. you could look for microlabels that fit. but realistically, its up to you to decide what you want to call it.

and, just for the record? straight people usually don’t question that much. not saying you are bi, but your feelings are valid.

sorry if this was too much but this is what helped me, i dont know if it will help you personally

if you want to talk more about it though im always here <333

tysm x

the bs thing is i was kinda hinting to my mum like we were talking about heartstopper (she knows i like the show and books and STRAIGHT PEOPLE CAN LIKE IT, thats what heartstopper is about, being inclusive) anyway my mum isnt homophobic she just doesnt rlly get it anyway she says like "people cant know what they rlly r until theyre like 18+" so i ranted to her about how anyone could change at anytime and my lil hint was "im straight now but in a few years time i might realise im bi" and that shut her up

but i might give this a go, it just scared me idk why, like its not like i look at girls a go, ooo i would date her, but i look at boys like, oo i would date him, so i think if lets say i am bi, i would def be more attracted to men, but like sometime my stupid little brain says 'ur just saying it because its 'easier" or 'u dont mean it, ur just saying it for attention' like i just hate it, like ive not rlly had a 'awakening' but like sometimes bi sounds right while other times straight does

but i might do what u say and try our 'being bi' for a bit and see how i feel

it sounds weird but i feel like i need to have this awakening and like i need to see a girl and think ooo i have a crush, like i do with boys

idk its weird

and ik what u mean by straight people dont question it that much, and ik what ur saying because that fact scares me to mf shits, but tbh i only think about it when that area of things r brought into my head yk?

anyway sorry for ranting

[menalez]

as a bisexual minor, i follow mostly only other radblr minors and every. single. one of them that's a lesbian has either reblogged or made their own posts about "lesbophobia" this or "lesbophobia" that and it's so frustrating as a febfem to see girls my own age saying things like lesbians have nothing in common with bisexual girls or that our experiences are different or that bisexual girls have the power to oppress them. like hello?? bisexual girls get hated on by both lesbians and straight people, we only have community with each other because we don't want community with straight girls but lesbians act like we're the freaking devil or we're gross fetishists or something and it's not fair just because i was born being attracted to guys despite the fact i will never freaking date a guy ever ever that i'm suddenly this oppressive figure or i'm privileged or this or that and it's so freaking tiring like i'm not even doing anything and i can't help but feel like all the girls reblogging/making these posts somehow hate me like they don't like me just because i'm bisexual despite the fact i only ever relate to lesbian posts on here than bisexual posts. i feel like dionne had a point, elle-aquitaine had a point, you have a point… but like there's no point to all this arguing other than to turn girls against each other for whatever choices they choose to make. radical feminism doesn't and shouldn't exist as monolith, like we should all be allowed to do whatever it is we want to do like for example the girls who date guys, without being treated like they're evil. and it goes the same for lesbians, you should be allowed to exist without people being phobic towards you. all the discourse just feels like it was planned by someone specifically for everyone on here to stop focusing on real matters but it really hurts to see so many girls i follow or like on here being angry about lesbophobia and thinking it's non lesbian girls who are the problem. i don't like the us vs them stance everyone seems to have started to take recently.

i almost completely disagree with you and idk where to begin with it. like

one of them that's a lesbian has either reblogged or made their own posts about "lesbophobia" this or "lesbophobia" that and it's so frustrating as a febfem

?? why is lesbophobia in quotations

hello?? bisexual girls get hated on by both lesbians and straight people

lesbians get hated on by both bisexuals and straight people. we get told our sexuality is close-mindedness, have our sexualities appropriated, are shamed for not being OSA, etc. we get called terfs and exclusionary etc for our innate sexualities, often perpetuated very heavily by bi people.

we don't want community with straight girls but lesbians act like we're the freaking devil or we're gross fetishists

most lesbians i know either dont mind being among bisexual women or specifically have issues with bi women bc of bi women being lesbophobic and indeed fetishising lesbians. beyond that bi women outnumber us like 3 to 1 so like honestly theres no loss for bi women regardless lol

i feel like dionne had a point, elle-aquitaine had a point, you have a point

both of their points was more or less downplaying the reality of lesbophobia bc theyre not lesbians and will never experience lesbophobia.

but like there's no point to all this arguing other than to turn girls against each other for whatever choices they choose to make

i very explicitly stated many times that it doesnt matter to me what women decide to do, whether it is date men or not. my issue is with people being lesbophobic when they very much can oppose separatism or whatever else without being lesbophobic.

radical feminism doesn't and shouldn't exist as monolith, like we should all be allowed to do whatever it is we want to do

thats liberal feminism / choice feminism which very much is antithetical to radical feminism

it really hurts to see so many girls i follow or like on here being angry about lesbophobia and thinking it's non lesbian girls who are the problem

imagine how much it hurts for a lesbian to see people treat us talking about our oppression and wishing for allyship from other women as a bad thing.

[explosivepies]

i just think its so funny how i basically break my own heart over them and want them so badly, while i dont think that they would.

the thing that turns me off the most about them is the fact they told me they dont like body hair on women at all.

and while right now i'm not the most certain about the whole woman thing, i am certain that i will simply not hurt myself to look smooth for some idiot. and i'm aware that they would only see me as a woman, which i don't necessarily have a problem with, as long as they are okay with me not being womanly about 85% of the time.

starting from my own brain and experience: if they really want to have me, they will take me, hair or no hair.

and even if they would like me and accept me and want me, there are aspects to them that should give me the hugest ick and that i would feel guilty for tolerating, but also in the same breath, aspects that are so common in basically everyone i've seen so far. so in this sense, i'm caught between being attracted to (and potentially dating) people with admittedly shitty views, and just... being single.

the issue with the latter is that i'm bored of it. i want to cuddle someone, i want to fuck someone, i want someone to talk to at the end of a long day, i want help and i want to offer help, and i crave romantic love, even though admitting that makes me want to puke.

so should i settle?

don't "yas queen" me. i don't wanna be told that i'm a strong independent [redacted] who don't need no man. i'm aware.

i'm also done being strong, it's exhausting. i've been strong my whole life and even though i'm fully capable of protecting myself, please just please, i also want someone to do that when i'm tired of it.

and of course i'll be there for them, when they feel like bored or tired of being strong, of standing up, of whatever. i will hold them close and burn anyone who comes for them.

however, the person i have a crush on, also gives me the ick with another thing: they seem to be the edgy person i was at 17. i genuinely feel, in some aspects, way more mature than them, and they are older than me. previously when i had crushes on people, they were the more mature ones.

usually it's at this point of doubting basically everything about relationships and crushes, that i decide "okay fuck it, it's hookup culture for me then". but i don't want that. sure, it helps for the part when someone puts his dick in me (it's way easier with men) and i'll be honest, i loved that and i want more. but it's also not worth the effort of talking to someone, of going through god knows how mny profiles, and definitely not worth the risk of them wanting to smoke while at my place.

then i think, for this purpose we also hve the certified office fuckboy, i'm pretty sure he'd be glad to, AND THEN i think "but my crush would know and would be disgusted", and i wouldn't blame them. i mean, they told me basically, of how some guys at the office talk about women, of how workplace relations are often disgustingly public, and first, i want none of that, second, i especially don't want that someone else hears.

though, i guess, if the pffice fuckboy were to talk, i could reciprocate and spread more gossip. ahhh, the toxicity. i guess that would also bring problems + alienate my crush.

no, i want what my old german teacher had, a "seasonl partner" who stays for a predetermined amount of time and then it's done.

i want to have someone for 6 months, and after 6 months, maybe revise it, or just leave and start again.

i also want someone that would fuck me brainless in my lunch break so that i can relax a bit.

damn.

life is hard.

[theshelbyclan]

Childhood Sweethearts

Summary: You and Finn had been together for a while now and it was all going great. The only problem was, all of the brothers didn’t know yet

A/N: Requested by a lovely anon: hey can i request a Finnxreader where Finn got her pregnant and her brothers come in the Garrison with guns and all and are like "We dont care who you. That you're a shelby, but you got her pregnant and you're gonna marry her" and than Finn has to explain to his bros that he is kinda dating her for a year and some fluff please??? I got so many requests for my baby Finn and I’m ignoring how they changed him in season 5. Hope you like it!

Words: 2605

***

When you’d first met Finn, he’d been boxing. You had only been fourteen at the time and he was only thirteen, but he was a Shelby, so there were expectations. “Call yourself a Shelby?” the owner had kept on shouting out at him. And you could see Finn was really trying, but he just wasn’t that type of Shelby. 

Your brothers were at the gym as well, which is why you were there. Women weren’t allowed, no exceptions. Well, except little sisters. You were let in when you came to pick them up and the youngest Shelby sister couldn’t be kept away, but apart from that, no women allowed.

And then it’d happened. Arthur went feral, everyone went crazy and Finn reacted like no one else could. And you watched him, calmly, but with interest. Afterwards, you handed him a towel. He suddenly looked young, not at all like he had seemed while fighting, and he’d said: “No women allowed.” You had smirked and replied, “Then go.” *** And so the two of you had become friends. First it had just been talking on the streets about brothers and life in general. Because if there was one thing the two of you had in common, it was the burden of having too many older brothers. While the Shelby’s had big plans with young Finn, yours seemed to want to keep you ‘sweet and innocent’ for as long as possible. Neither fit the pair of you really.

“What would you do?” Finn asked you one day, “You know, if you could do anything.” “Hmm…” you thought out loud, while trying to balance on some forgotten piece of scrap, “I could open a salon, or make ice-cream all day, or I could fly a hot-air balloon to Paris!” You were always the one making up stories and Finn would just sit there and listen. He was definitely the quiet one. In his world of chaos and violence, he could do with a bit of imagining. “I could buy a camel!” you laughed out loud, “Go to Egypt dressed as a man and raid one of the pyramids. I’d become the richest woman alive and no one would ever even know that it was all stolen, including my fake name.”

Finn grinned, “You’d probably get away with it too…” “Or, I could steal some expensive jewels and seduce the man guarding them,” you spun around a lantern post feigning seducing it, “I’d kiss him when he’d catch me and tell him I’ll split the profit with him. I’d say to meet me in Paris at midnight, but never show up. Then, years later, after I’ve come back from Mexico…” “Mexico?” Finn called out, enjoying this story way too much. “Mexico, obviously, where I’ve been hiding?” you replied with a face like it was obvious, “After Mexico, I’d go back to find this man and tell him to follow me. He would, of course, and I’d tell him to meet me in London. Then, and this is the best bit, I go back to Paris to get the jewels and blame it on him!” Finn grabbed your hand and spun you around, both laughing, “Y/N? Ever thought of becoming a Peaky Blinder?” “That!” you joked, “If I could do anything, I’d take over the Peaky Blinders and…” “Move to Mexico,” he finished. “Move to Mexico,” you said softly, because the two of you were suddenly no longer dancing. Standing closely, noses almost touching, you were, for the first time, lost for words. “Ask me,” Finn practically whispered. You raised your eyebrows slightly in question. “Ask me, Y/N,” he repeated, “What I would do if I could do anything.”

You indulged, “What would you do, Finn?” “I’d marry you.” “But we’re only fourteen,” you blushed a little. He was completely serious however. The two of you were always laughing and playing, but his eyes were no longer sparkling with childhood joy. Something else had settled in there, “Then I’ll wait, for now.” After that one evening, the two of you became inseparable. ***

Sneaking out at night was easy, especially after the two of you just watched how Ada did it. As you got older, your games of truth or dare became more and more dangerous. Late at night, you met in dangerous places and together, you grew up at midnight. Making love under the bridge, kissing quickly in the Garrison when no saw and holding hands under the table, it was all still a game to you. But the love, that was real, and it only kept on growing. How no one found out about it was a miracle and a tragedy at the same time. You’d grown up with five older brothers and a part of you now wondered if they even acknowledged your existence. Surely, you two were not that subtle? And besides, you had the horrible habit of talking too much and had often divulged a little, but they never picked up on it. Guess they were too busy with their own lives, which was just as well, because loving a Shelby was not a preferable situation. But sneaking off to secret rendezvous was easy, concealing love was also manageable, but hiding a belly with a baby inside of it? That was going to be hard. “They are literally going to kill me, Finn,” you sobbed. Why did you even sob? You never cried before. “Don’t worry,” he put his arms around you and spoke soft and lovingly, “They’ll kill me, not you.”

“That is not fucking helpful!” “I know,” he looked down, “Sorry…” The two of you were sitting in a closed Garrison. Luckily, the pub was never truly closed for a Shelby. Here you could find some peace at least and no one there to disturb you. “A baby though, Y/N,” you could see the sparkle in his eyes, “Our little baby!” You sighed deeply, “I don’t think you understand how serious this is.” “I don’t think you understand how wonderful this is!” “Finn…” “No,” he interrupted you, which he never ever did, “We made that.We did. Like, I loved you so much and you put up with me for so long and then this happened. Can you imagine? That’s amazing, isn’t it?” You couldn’t help but smile at his awkwardness and excitement, “Someone did tell you where babies come from, right?” He smiled broadly and kissed you suddenly. “Finn?” you asked, a little unsure, “I think my mum knows I’m pregnant.” “How would she know?” “She knows these things,” you shrugged, “She had seven kids.” Finn frowned, “What do we do?” “Well, if she knows, we’ll find out soon enough.” You hadn’t even finished your sentence properly, when a loud noise came from the door of the Garrison and five big men walked in. They didn’t look pleased. “On your feet, boy!” one of them bellowed. Finn had no idea what to do, so he decided it would be best to get up.

“This him?” one of your brothers now turned to you.

You nodded solemnly, “This is indeed Finn Shelby.” Another asked, “This the one that knocked you up?”

“That’s a charming way of putting it…” you protested. “Well, how do you want us to put it?” “You could ask me if I’m alright?” you suggested, “Or: is this the boy of your dreams? Or: is this the man who will take you to Mexico? Or…” “Alright, we get the fucking idea, Y/N,” your eldest brother interrupted you, “No need to get poetic about it.” From the corner of your eye, you could see Finn had sat back down again. While you and your brothers continued arguing, he started downing whiskey. Did you blame him? Not really, what else was there for him to do but wait really.

And suddenly one of your brothers turned away from you and pointed at Finn, “Right, now I know you’re a Shelby and we know how you do things!” “Do things?” Finn genuinely didn’t understand. “You’ll not be taken our sister to some fucking doctor.” “Finn wouldn’t,” you quickly said, “He’s not like that.” Finn still didn’t understand though. “You don’t even know him,” your brother said, “Just because he fucked you…” “Oi!” Finn called out suddenly, lifting one hand to his cap. But your brothers were big and annoyed, so they picked Finn up like it was nothing and simply placed him outside the pub. If you weren’t pregnant and miserable, you could’ve died of laughter.

“Okay, listen…” you started, but they didn’t let you finish. Through the door they started shouting at Finn about taking responsibility and pretty soon you decided it was no use trying to get them to listen. So you rolled your eyes, sat back and waited for the storm to be over. And then there were more voices coming from outside the pub and you sat up to try and get a look at them. An angry voice seemed to be reprimanding Finn and a calm, low voice kept on interrupting the other. Without warning, the three oldest Shelby brothers barged in. Now, this was all you needed: more brothers in the room. There were eight now, all yelling, and slowly, you could see Finn moving back in through the door. You two exchanged glances, admitting defeat and decided to just wait.

“I don’t give a fuck who you people are…” one of your brothers was now actually screaming. “Let’s not play games, eh?” Tommy replied calmly, “You know exactly who we are.” “He will do the fucking right thing!” “And he will!” “That little rat may have thought he could just have his way with her and not carry the consequences...” “WHO THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU CALLING A RAT…” Finn crept down next to you and leaned over to whisper in your ear, “Should we tell them?” “How?” you mouthed back, “They’re kind of busy right now, wouldn’t you think?” “Let’s wait,” Finn suggested. So, the two of you got back to watching eight grown men bicker like small children.

“This was never her idea!” “Wasn’t Finn’s either, he doesn’t even know how to spell his own name, isn’t that right, Arthur!” “She’s nineteen! She’s just a child!” “She might be your sister, but she’s a grown woman.” “Okay, why the fuck are we talking about Y/N? Heis responsible and he is going to marry her.” “I agree,” Tommy suddenly said. So, Finn decided this was the best time to try again, “Actually, if you’d all listen for a second…” “I think you’ve done enough, mate,” one of your loudest brothers interrupted quickly. “But, me and Y/N…” Then Arthur was the one to push his little brother back in his seat, “Shut up Finn and let us handle this. Full of frustration, the youngest Shelby sat back down, only to stand back up again. He picked up another bottle of whiskey and started pacing the room a little. “Stay off the whiskey, Finn!” one of his brothers scolded, “Here, eat this,” and he handed him an apple. With eyes wide, he stared at the sudden piece of fruit in his hand and exclaimed, “I’m not a fucking child anymore, John.” But his brother just winked and said, “Apparently,” and went back to arguing. So Finn walked and bit his nails and paced and pondered and decided there was nothing left to do, but eat the apple and jump in the Cut.And you couldn’t help yourself. A small giggle escaped you mouth and soon after you could no longer contain yourself and burst out laughing. “What’s the matter with you?” Finn hissed. “Don’t know…” you hiccupped, “but by the time they’ve finished I’ve already given birth probably!” And out of nowhere, all the brothers fell silent. Tommy, as always, took the word, “Right, this is how we’ve decided to do it…” “You’vedecided?” you repeated angrily. “Shut up, Y/N, you’re in enough trouble as it is,” one of your brothers bit.

But the great Thomas Shelby held up a hand and silenced the room with a gesture, “We’ve decided that the two of you are getting married. Now, you might hardly now each other, but the damage is done, eh?” “Actually…” “Finn, shut up, I’m still talking. Now, don’t worry Y/N, Finn will take good care of you. And Finn, you do the deed, you pay the consequences. The marriage is in a fortnight. Congratulations.” The room went quiet again and all eyes were on the two of you. You could now actually taste blood and realised you’d been biting your lip to keep from laughing a little too hard. Finn looked like he was either going to explode or just disappear. Almost inaudible, he muttered, “In a fortnight…” “Yes,” his brother confirmed, “Gives you a chance to get to know your bride.” “I’VE KNOWN HER FOR FOUR FUCKING YEARS, TOM”

So he did explode. “EVER SINCE SHE WAS FOURTEEN AND I WAS THIRTEEN, WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER.” “Finn, babe,” you put a hand on his arm, “Calm down.” He turned to you, his eyes still hilariously wide, “Why the fuck do they never listen? Pinch me or something… can you even see me? Am I real? Am I a ghost?” So you did as any woman would and slapped him in the face, “Stop the dramatics. You’re here.” “Ask her,” one of his brothers urged him, “Ask her properly.” Finn sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair, “I did ask her ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO.” You nodded wisely, “He did.” “Well, what did she say?”

“That we were too young?” ‘Too fucking right!” one of your brothers shouted out. Within seconds, eight men were once again yelling without listening to each other, and the Garrison became chaos for a second time.

“Okay, wait!” you held up both hands and much to your surprise, everyone stopped talking. Guess there really was power in being pregnant, “This is good news, right? We both want to get married! Yay?” And then they all started again! New subjects for arguments were found in the fact that you’d been sneaking out, that they let their brother be with you, where the wedding would be and who with, and there seemed to be no end to it. So, Finn put the apple in his pocket and with a sudden certainty to it, grabbed you by the hand and marched you out the door of the Garrison. There, in the filthy streets of Small Heath, he kissed you long and deep. “How about it then?” he asked. You smiled back at this wonderful boy and said, “No, let me do it. You already got to do it when we were kids.” “Okay,” he agreed at once. “Finn, if you could do anything, what would you do?” “I’d marry you in a fortnight!” he almost shouted out. And you deeply into his eyes, wondering how you’d even managed to find such a soft, sweet and still strong man, and finally said, “Will you marry me?” “Yes,” he said almost before you could finish the question. After another long, long kiss he got this sudden twinkle in his eyes and suggested, “Let’s go home.” “Home?” you laughed.   “Yeah,” he pointed to the Garrison, “They’re all busy in there, right? The house is empty…” You looked down at your bulging stomach and joked, “Damage’s already done.”

Hand in hand you walked through the streets, feeling like the king and queen of Birmingham.

“Mexico then?” a small smile was tugging at his mouth now too. You nodded, feeling more in love than ever, “Mexico.”

*** Masterlist

[sereniv]

Not a terf genuinely asking

Anon ask: if trans women aren't male what are they transitioning from

EDIT: Buckle up this is long. but i hope i was able to answer the question?

Ill reply about trans women but this obviously applies to other trans people too (myself included)

It can be complicated when it comes to sex and gender and what science says and what different societies believe.

Because science says "We have common combinations (what western society says is biological male/female) but there are also less common yet still significant combinations (intersex people/and others) that happen that boils down to male and female being a social construction rather than a biological truth"

And our society says "I lack the education and experience of those who fit outside what i believe is male and female, therefor i have a hard time being open to said education and experience. This is mainly because of colonization, white supremacy, and corruption (bigotry) in science.

So gender, how one presents ones self, gender roles, sex- the way we categorize these things are limiting, because it is a fact that not everyone fits in those boxes

Not to mention the more accepted trans, intersex, and other people who fit outside societies idea of male and female, the more we will see that its not small minority of people. They are not anomalies.

So what is a male? Society says its someone with XY chromosomes exclusively. Society also likes to say that someone born with a penis is male, someone with higher testosterone.

Science says, that there are people with different types of chromosomes makeup like xxy or xy females. People who have a penis but also a uterus. Someone with testicles and a vagina. Whos chromosomes can vary

And we still put them in boxes, and for intersex people that can mean invasive sex changing procedures without their consent.

No one is looking into what chromosomes people have, they just look at a childs genitals and decide by the vagina or length of penis/clitoris

So societies idea of male is limited and even new. Sciences idea is naturally complex, but there can still be bias within the community (as there is racism, sexism, etc)

So a trans women born with a penis and xy chromosomes. Society says shes male, science might put her in the category of male.

So to many, and maybe even to herself, a trans woman can transition from male. A sterotypical common combination of what one considers Male.

But what I like to think of in general, is that we should be born as people. A baby. A baby with a penis, a baby with xy chromosomes But what about male is so important?

Because when we say that one is attracted to men, usually what comes to mind is someone with a penis. But what if a man was born with a deformity, and has no penis? Or had to have it removed due to some disease.

Is he now not a man? Because some people (terfs) would move back to chromosomes, yet you dont know for sure what someones chromosomes are when you date

so what really makes a man?

Is it the roles one has? or the socialization? That changes from place to place from era to era.

So it comes down to, a human person with traits that typically are boxed together and labled Male.

We are born babies. and we should be taught the same values regardless of our genitals, and we should be allowed to wear whatever color or clothing style we want.

It all comes down to the difference between Male and Female can be vast and it can be the same and it depends on who you ask

So a trans women might feel that she used to me a man. That she was born a boy, and felt like a boy, up until she didnt. Realizing that the way she saw herself was different than how society sees her. And thus begins her transition from her definition and reality as Male, to her definition, and reality as a Woman.

On the other hand, maybe you have a trans women who was born a girl, but no one else saw it that way. And so by her definition and reality as a girl, transitions to what fits. Aka: She changes her name or goes on hormones or gets surgery or changes clothes or even just changes pronouns. Until she feels that it reflects how she percieves herself

Because at the end of the day, cis women can be hairy, they can be butch, they can have muscles and angles, some have no uterus some have no reproductive organs at all, etc.

But because people want to define womenhood by trauma experience, it warps into white christian view of what a woman is, which ends up targeting poc and intersex people.

What should define womanhood is euphoria. The fight for being a woman. Not trauma, but togetherness. And acknowledging that what society says is a woman is not a fact. Not by science, but more importantly not by reality

So yeah, sometimes trans women do transition from men. And sometimes they simply transition into what they need to be percieved as to thrive emotionally and mentally

Also something i forgot is socialization and the patriarchy. Terfs like to claim that trans women grow up male, but fail to understand that if applied to other scenarios it falls apart and just really isnt an argument

For example. Someone who grows up with heterosexuality everywhere, isnt socialized as straight, they are socialized with homophobia.

Even someone who might grow up a boy and identifies their past self as male, should not have to define the person they are today

Theres a lot of things we grow up with in this society, bigotry being one of them. This doesnt mean you grow up a bigot, but you grow up with it like on tv. All it takes is realization of predjudices or ignorance, to change how you view and interact with things

so a trans woman who identifies her born self as male, and so was technically socialized as male, doesnt mean that that is an inherent truth to her person. Because once she realizes that "Hey, actually I think im a girl" her mind has already started experiencing the constriction that is transphobia and transmisogyny. She notices bias that include her now.

Just because you are socialized one way doesnt mean it sticks, but it also doesnt define you, or doesnt have to be. Also socialization is complicated and has a lot of factors in it like how someone was brought up. did society socialize them or the parents or both etc etc.

Gender Euphoria will always top connecting gender through trauma. Because not every gendered trauma is the same.

Black women historically and now have had a very different experience than white women when it comes to misogyny, sexism, or even being seen as human let a lone a "proper" woman.

And historically, when white women were trying to gain rights they left out black women. so their womanhood is not the same pain and trauma and experience.

Thats why misogynoir as a term exists. Because the trauma that they face is different from the trauma that other poc face or white people. And that is just like the tip of the iceberg.

So instead, i think womanhood should be based in positive connection. That doesnt mean womanhood is always positive. but it means that the relation to each other is based off of euphoric sense of gender. If it feels like home, then your a woman.

Womanhood should be fighting for women, whoever may fit under that. Not truama as a whole (since everyones is different), but collective pride. It should be hearing being refered to as a woman and feeling joy and connection.

And what makes that different from any gender? you can just say anything and now youre it?

Thats whats so great about it. Its widening the spectrum of identity, yet still keeping connections under common frameworks.

Example: a cis woman, being happy and comfortable, resonates with other women in all forms, and is proud of who she is. Then shes looking around and she sees the cis men, and that community is nice but woman still feels at home.

then she sees the trans men. same thing, shes not a man shes a woman. Then she sees the nonbinaries, and that kind of calls to her

And suddenly, she has one foot in the woman community and one in the nonbinary. She now has a new community that she feels euphoria with and fights with but she is still a woman. She is both. Seperately and as one. And really only something she can experience, but she sees other women in front of her, experincing the same thing except in their own unique way.

And shes allowed this because she has oppened herself up to defining her version of womanhood without changing others, and if she had closed herself off and defined womanhood by her genitals or what she looked like or even the pain of descrimination, there would be people excludes from her idea of what the community should consist of, and then she would never feel that euphoria

and to only fight for one portion of womanhood. because once youve got equal marriage, gotten rid of sexism, then there are still racism left. theres still intersex people. you leave other women out of the fight because all of them isnt welcome in your definition.

if that makes sense

I am WAY off track lol I am very adhd and autistic. even reading this back its barely coherent so sorry. someone translate for me lol

but yeah, trans women transition from their former selves, to their current selves. And i dont think theres any point to looking any further than that

A trans woman is a woman, because that is how she percieves herself. Holds herself. How she connects with other women. Her experience of womanhood is inherent, because she is a woman.

[billionairesitgirl]

Hi, how are you?

I have been wanting to introduce myself to this world and have tried couple of times but i also have been afraid since i dont know exactly where and how to begin and your blog literally appeared to me like magic.

Im a mexican girl, 24 and i really want to know how to do it and mostly gain some mentorship from this people. Also, i wish to know how to be careful and what to be careful of since there's an obvious risk as well.

Started looking for many times but i would back down cuz i didn't know or wanted to expose myself to any danger.

Couple of times i have been approached by man that seem/are wealthy and they ask me out or to meet with me to talk about a possible agreement, and i know i can manage to do it thats why i feel a bit enthusiastic to start in this world.

Any mentoring tips from you?

Thank you so much 🌼

Hi, I am great... April has been a little weird... 

“I have been wanting to introduce myself to this world and have tried couple of times but i also have been afraid since i dont know exactly where and how to begin and your blog literally appeared to me like magic.”

It sounds like you are not quite sure which of the world you want to be in.

Do you know? Everyone here is not in the same life nor do we have the same goals. You have to decide which it is for you... Your reasons, your goals, and what level of men you want to do deal witth, in what capacity and what your current resources, your level of perseverance for what you want to achieve are etc

Im a mexican girl, 24 and i really want to know how to do it and mostly gain some mentorship from this people. Also, i wish to know how to be careful and what to be careful of since there's an obvious risk as well.

Where are you? And what exactly is stopping you other than the fear of danger?

Cause there are many non dangerous ways of meeting affluent men... Maybe a little expensive but certainly less dangerous...

Where are you located... Who are your friends? who do you hang out with? where do you spend your time? 

Just as an example: Who are you swiping right to on dating apps? what are their credentials and their stance on providing for a woman? You can simply start by dating ceo’s of small companies, managing directors who make millions etc that you meet on dating apps... Dating those will help increase your network...

Assuming you lacked network. 

What are you doing that you need mentorship in?

Then align yourself with the type of men who can offer mentorship and enjoy it (be careful of those who just offer it in exchange for sex...  They are not capable of mentoring you majority of the time)

What type and caliber of men are you meeting... Not everyone who is an “SD” has the capability to offer useful mentorship. 

For me... I am so extremely careful that this week alone i got blocked out of annoyance by a man worth at least 100 million and another worth at least 10 million because i am blatant about keeping every conversation classy and non-sexual. And I know these men are capable of wooing me the way i like... But i do not play about my boundaries... If a man can’t respect it... that means a lot of things to me... GRANTED they will be back... Men love women who confound them... But i digress.

(How do i know? They are easily googled, I met them at a mini luxury party on one of my trips last month... ) 

What am trying to say is... Create boundaries, listen to your intuition and do not... I REPEAT... do not deal with anyone who does not respect your boundaries. until you are in a full relationship and certain you can make compromise and that person does for you too... But boundaries are still boundaries.

Even if the man promises you the world... Do not be quick to give your information... Make use of some resources some girls share here to check the men out... 

Practice extreme safety.... There is nothing like being too safe.

If you can, only date men who have more to lose than you; should anything happen and men who are respectful of your space and boundaries...

If anyone has more please leave it in the comment for her

Also always keep yourself and dress sophisticated ... Men grade women unfortuately...

Couple of times i have been approached by man that seem/are wealthy and they ask me out or to meet with me to talk about a possible agreement, and i know i can manage to do it thats why i feel a bit enthusiastic to start in this world.

Well, appearing and seeming to be wealthy doesn’t mean they are so be careful and Vet well.

Secondly, since the seemingly wealthy men are approaching you, it means you are around areas where you could meet men.

So why not go on some fine dining date(sss).. chat and get to know each other... subtly wring information about them and their capability from them... Guage and learn how they react to your boundariees or to something they want and that you sublty decline... 

Try to go on afternoon walking dates... just absent-mindedly walk into a flower shop and start looking around  point at one and look at him.

If not a flower shop, find a jewerly or clothing or shoe boutique (something expensive) and enter abse-mindedly talking about how you’ve actually been meaning to do this... Guage their ability and seriousness to have an arrangment by how they react...

Their reaction to your boundaries and these little feeminine quirks should helpfully be a guide

NOTE: To be able to pull off wanting the designer item... You dont have to have brand name from had to toe... But you have to look like the kind of woman that actually step in there (if not all the time) but at least  from time to time... 

Again there are many ways of dressing sophisticated that makes it hard for a man to gauge who you are wearing but assume it is top of the line

Hope this helps

#sugardating  #sugardatingadvice #sugardatingtips  #hypergamy #sugardatingtip

[witchvspatriarchy]

Goo Hara's story is one of the most tragic and rough in kpop history. And in light of the recent events, I'd like to share it.

It's pretty possible that most of you (ppl who weren't around for 2nd generation prime) dont know Goo Hara or her legendary group KARA. The group was among the top three girl groups nation wise, and number one in Japan.

But when KARA debuted it wasn't very popular, so when one member left, the company saw the opportunity to revamp the group and they added two new members. One of those was Goo Hara. She was introduced as main dancer and visual.

Hara's integration helped the group. Her innocent beauty in contrast to an effortless sex appeal caused men and women, children and adults, to fall in love with the idol, and this new fandom catapulted the group. Even though before debut she already had many fans, she already had antis too. A big portion of the original fandom rejected the integration of Hara. So from day one Hara had a strong individual fandom, but the group's fandom hated her.

Hara became the it girl of the moment, getting all the commercial contracts - this generated animosity from the fandom that questioned why she was the only one who was given the opportunities and why she did not participate in the commercial activities of the group. This did not weigh much on Hara at first, since she was somewhat accustomed to hate for no reason - in high school she was the victim of such extreme bullying that she had to change schools several times. She had the general public in her palms, so a portion of the fandom hating her was manageable.

But the love and support from the general public didn't last long, as netizens searched the internet to find something to destroy her and succeeded. They found Hara's teenage blog from before she was and idol, and in it they found photos of her in a hostel on her 17th birthday with her boyfriend at the time. They published them saying that Hara had had a romantic stay at the hostel and therefore she had sex while being a minor. And although the company denied it and Hara's friends said it had been a group trip, the netizens sought witnesses to support their accusations and thus began the gossip that Hara was promiscuous. This accusations gained notoriety when her relationship with Junhyun of B2ST became public. And so netizens invented her love affairs with many idols.

The situation reached a climax in Radio Star, when the MC asked KARA what topic they didn't want to talk about, to which Hara replied "dating." The three MCs started joking with Hara's promiscuity in a rather heavy way. And although it is well known that this type of image is harmful to an idol (mostly female idols) the MCs continued with the jokes. Hara tried to laugh it off but it was a comment from Kyuhyun that made her crack, being the gossip expert on the show, he said "if I said what I know, her career would be over." It was then that Hara threw him a bottle of juice playfully and then broke into tears. Hara was accused of being violent, unprofessional and disrespectful by netizens. And when one of the MCs came out in her defense and apologized for what they had done, the netizens said that "Hara's tantrums had forced him to apologize" and they hated her more.

Shortly after this, KARA disintegrated. But despite everything, Hara made a fortune as a commercial model. And there is nothing that netizens hate more than a successful, independent and wealthy woman. Especially if she achieves so despite public hate. And even more, if this successful, independent and wealthy woman is best friends with another successful, independent and wealthy woman (Sulli) that netizens also tried to destroy. And so, Goo Hara moved on with her life, even though the hate never stopped.

On September 4, 2018, Goo Hara (who is 1.64 and is so thin that she has been accused of being anorexic) was accused of beating her boyfriend. For the following week there were no signs of Hara, while the boyfriend appeared in the media several times a day giving interviews about it, and saying that she had gone crazy when he tried to end the relationship. He said he wasn't going to go public at first but when he got home he realized she had "disfigured" him and his face "is a big part of how he makes a living" (he's a hairdresser) so he decided to let everyone know the type of person she is. At some point the guy gave an interview in a hospital gown and connected to serum, despite having given interviews without these things several days before, and the hospital records shows he only had scratches. But despite being suspicious, the netizens did not need more, and cited what happened on radio star, her promiscuity and her friendship with Sulli as evidence of her violence and imbalance, and demanded jail time for Hara.

Time after that, Hara finally appeared on the media, which she had not done because she had been hospitalized due to the beating that the boyfriend (the alleged victim) gave her. Attack that damaged her internal organs to the degree of causing severe bleeding. Incidentally, there was damage to her intimate organs, so a rape is suspected, although it was never confirmed as such. And although Hara presented evidence and a witness, the netizens did not believe her, they said that she paid the witness and that, because she was promiscuous, her word had no worth. It was then that Dispatch revealed that the boyfriend had offered them the premise of the matter, then screenshots of the guy blackmailing Hara with an intimate video that he filmed against her will came to light. Just then the netizens decided to listen to her. The witness (Hara's roomie) came out to give her version of the facts: the guy had entered without permission with the access code and had woken Hara by kicking the bed. The witness and the messages proved that Hara had broke up with him and he wanted to blackmail her with the intimate video and threatened to end her career, Hara tried to take the video, and the guy beat her up. After that, he destroyed averything and anything he could find at the apartment, while Hara begged him not to publish the video. In the week that Hara was hospitalized the guy sent her threats and fragments of the video as blackmail.

For a while Hara had the empathy of the netizens, but the case was never resolved judicially, and the public eventually forgot what happened and attacked Hara again. This year Hara uploaded a photo to her social media for the first time, thanking the support she received in those difficult moments. And the netizens accused her of attention seeking, they said that if she was really hurt she shouldn't be on social media after what happened, and accused her of being unaware of the damage she caused her ex - who could no longer show his face in public. Soon she went to Japan to fulfill previous contracts and they accused her of fleeing, of indifference and said that what had happened hadn't been so serious if she was already working and she had made a big drama for nothing. Meanwhile the ex is active in social media and opened a new beauty salon, which was very successful. And as if that were not enough, the ex-boyfriend, Junghyun (B2ST) ended up entangled in the Seungri/Rising Sun scandal. And although it has been said that he was not an active participant beyond commenting on the videos that JJY sent, the netizens insisted that there were videos and intimate photos of Hara in the infamous chats.

After this, Hara uploaded a picture and netizens accused her of getting plastic surgery. Hara said that she had eyelid surgery for medical reasons and asked people to stop attacking her, but the netizens ignored and attacked her for the surgery.

May 25th 2019, Hara was found unconscious in her apartment. It was said it had been a suicide attempt. This incident, unlike others in the world of kpop, did not have a wave of positive and empathetic comments wishing her recovery, but the comments were insults, offenses and ridicule towards Hara. They even reproached her for her lack of success in committing suicide, accused her of faking it, said that the news were false to get attention and attacked her more than ever.

Soon after that Hara los her best friend.

This news were devastating but they were not a surprise, at least to me. I made a post about Sulli's passing asking people to support Hara, because I knew that she would be next. She had already tried. And she got hate for not succeeding.

A lot of the kpop fandom now wasn't around for most of the second generation mess. We had idols poisoned, attacked, and destroyed by netizens. There still are many idols victims of slave contracts and abuse but back then you saw the proof of those things regularly. With idols passing out and stuff.

Korea, specifically its treatment of celebrities is crap. Its inhuman. As international fans we should spread love for idols. And ask the companies to care for them, we should watch for their best interests as humans. What Hyuna and Edawn are doing, going on variety shows and doing photoshoots together as a couple is huge. What Mamamoo has been doing is huge. What Holland is doing is huge. Please support the idols who are actively fighting to change Koreas celebrity culture. ITS IMPORTANT.

And its important to know the stories of idols like Hara, Hangeng, T-ARA... because this idols were victims and where given nothing but hate. Hate that ended their careers or in Hara and Sulli's case, their lives. Hate kills. Haters kill. Not allowing people to live a plenty life, kills. Not allowing people to make mistakes, kills. I hope you read Hara's story and pay attention to female idols with a bad reputation, they're vulnerable in so many ways. And I hope that, in the future, when an idol survives a suicide attempt y'all wont ignore it like you did Hara.

REST IN PEACE🙏💔💔🙏

[oneandonlysoftie]

Hi dear! I've seen you didn't talk much about Sadistic Beauty these days... What are your thoughts on ending and two side stories? Especially Wookying and Minho's one? Tbh I'm disappointed and disturbed :(

i had to step out of this story bc it was leaving me frustrated, irritated and disappointed not to mention very confused LOL. yep, im still fairly disappointed with where the author went with this. a major conflict that should or could have been in the main story was the whole drama including wookyung fighting with doona to get minho but it was swept under the rug only to return as some after thought as a side story (probably excluding doona).  there was such a great opportunity to finish it in the main story but the author decided that minho had to suffer all of the consequences and everyone else is going scot-free LOL. truly a shame. i wasnt surprised that doona was ending up with haesol, never was into them, still not into them. i have a certain distaste for characters like haesol, he’d be best described as a simp. and i absolutely loathe simps lol. there’s a fine line with being there for someone and being there in hopes that smth more might change, he def wants to date doona and saying that he’s okay with how things are and if they don’t date, is basically a blatant lie to himself. if that was the case, he wouldn’t let her string him along and use him for sex. the feelings he has for her will just be kept in the back, but it will most likely resurface in some way or another. in the long run, it’d hurt him and that’s just not worth the hassle. obv since the writer wanted them to happen, he’s prob gonna get what he wants lol. i def found the whole rivalry btw donna and wookyung in order to get to minho way more fascinating, and wished it was explored more. now, the only thing im happy with is gyerin is probably getting her happy ending with the new girl. she’s also the only one who went “fuck this” once she saw doona wasn’t going to reciprocate her feelings, and im rlly glad she did that. at first, i didnt think much of her, but now, seeing how the story went (lmao), im all for gyerin being happy. and as for wookyung and minho, im interested in how their story will unfold. but i feel so so bad for minho, he was a jerk and an asshole i wont deny that, but he didnt deserve all of the hate and harm he got and still is receiving according to the side story preview. wookyung is still a great and fascinating character, i do like characters like him, but how he was used was just not satisfying. and it seems like there might be a case of stockholm syndrome coming up where he might fall for wookyung. i just wish doona had smth to do with it before she parted ways or she could have helped minho, but yeah. *shrugs* this story left me confused as to what the author is doing, there is wasted potential and opportunities at every corner. the plot goes one way then goes another to end on a weird note. i also think the whole gl, bl stuff was more of a fanservice thing and that’s probably why it’s more of a disjointed story? as in, i feel like the gl and bl stuff should either have been more of a focus and woven into the story or it should have been entirely separate so the author wouldn’t have to shove many things at once and just focus on one or two pairing. one thing i might add for the story is that it felt as if it was trying to make us surprised, but the so called “twists” that happened just made it more confusing and those probably shouldn’t have been there as they don’t add much to the story narrative. back to gyerin, you can see that gyerin and the new girl can have their own separate story from the start (she didn’t have much to do with the primary conflict and could easily have a flashback to doona instead of the whole fanservice lol). the same goes for wookyung and minho as well, and it’d have been perfectly fine. at the end you basically see three pairings, the m/f, the f/f and the m/m. however, we dont even know if minho is into men? so i’m not sure how’s that gonna be considered BL? then again, every pairing could have been in the main story, but it’s not? for some reason??? it feels as if the author wanted their pairings without putting in the effort of making it into the main story, hence the side stories or they just wanted to make it separated without putting too many characters in it. obviously, for wookyung and minho, there’s no way doona wouldn’t have done smth if it was fully explored in the main story, and it might have changed the ending too. there’s multiple ways the story could have gone, but this one was the only conflict that was much more interesting imo, but it wasnt used that much.

gyerin didn’t really have much to do there other than be lesbian fanservice for doona (and the audience, writer and maybe the artist too?), and to be some kind of support for haesol. that’s about it, so i can understand why she’d not have a full blown romance in the main story, but seeing that she keeps reappearing, she still could have her side story integrated into it. lmao i don’t even kno if doona is bi/pan lol or if she just had sex bc she was drunk then did it just for pleasure without being interested in women at all.

EDIT: iirc doona did get aroused seeing gyerin uh doing stuff, so it could be possible that she is interested in women, but maybe only sexually? although i still could be wrong lol and it could just have been a moment of “I’m straight, but horny and u’ll do for now”. she could be in the closet too, who knows.

overall, sadistic beauty had some interesting conflict, some good characters (ill never like haesol lol), good art and the storytelling by this artist is well paced, but the execution and where the story went leaves a sour taste in my mouth. would i recommend this story? absolutely not. it is so frustrating, and for what? i wish i had saved myself this headache from the very start but the art and the fact that doona was a dom was what reeled me in. i only came back to it to see if the writer redeemed their story in some ways, but... well... you saw how that went.  i would follow the artist if i could, their art is beautiful. however, i cannot say the same for the writer. from my exp, it seems that many webtoons have good art, but the writing definitely leaves way more room for improvement. that said, i do hope ppl will learn that in order to make a great comic/webtoon/manga and so on, it is not only about pretty drawings. the story and writing should be up to par with the art. if not, it should be at least close to it. because the art might attract people, but if the story doesn’t resonate, if it doesn’t make much sense, then ppl are bound to leave and drop it. and what is a story, but pretty pictures and nothing substantial in it? nothing, but superficial beauty.

[enola-holmess]

you know now that theres a hint that buck moves in with eddie and chris i had a nice idea and you need to deal with that.

so its its like chris talking with buck and telling him that he feels weird with ana dating his dad or whatever, so buck trys to explains to him why its important because his dad loves her. So chris asked why he his dad isnt dating buck because he loves him too, so buck is like "aha haha" (u know what i mean the "i dont know how to react laugh he always makes") and sais something like "see chris thats not how it works. not..not like thats doesnt work because we are both men i mean for us i doesnt work but it..its a thing and nothing bad and....ANYway." so chris asked him why it doesnt work for his dads and buck is confused and flustered and doesnt know how to react. he thinks about it a lot and realizes that he is in love with Eddie and is like "oh shit".

later that day/ep/whatever chris talks with his dad and asked Him why his dads arent together because they love each other and Eddie is just confused about everything and talks to Bobby but like SUPER vaguely but Bobby knows (duh) but doesnt say anything to him jut tells Athena about his suspicion and she just sais something like "makes sense. theyd be a cute couple" and just bobby nods and replies "true" and they go to sleep.

meanwhile buck talks to hen and is more open about it and tells her about his confusing feelings like "hey u know i might be in love" "oh really? whos the lucky lady?" and hes like "..... :| weLL" and tells her about that its a guy. So shes a bit shocked but not very shocked and then sais something like "that makes so much sense" and he asks why and she explains to him different situations where it seemed like he flirted with a guy (and theres a little woah-moment in his brain). he sais that he still likes women tho and she starts to exolain to him what different labels there are.

at home he researches the ones that sounded most fitting to him (bisexual i assume) and is like "yeah i like that. thats me i think" and us really happy about it for a moment and then he realizes that he feels the urge to tell people and doenst know where to start n stuff.

so in the end he decideds to tell maddie first (or second if u count hen). hes nervous and all but she is of course super supportive and tells him again and againg that its great that he found out more about himself, and that she still loves him and that everyone else will still love him and they hug.

then the emotional scene is over and she looks at him for like 2 seconds and asks him who it is. hes genuinly confused and asks what she means and shes like "come on, someone mustve made u realize that u like men too. who is it???". and he awkwardly laughs, with his hand on his neck questioning if he should tell her and decides that yes he should. So he tells her that hes "apparently" hes in love with eddie. and maddie (the big sis she is) gets SUPER exited and teases him a bit with it.

and like the next days or something eddie and buck act kinda awkward around each other, ESPECIALLY in these moments (u know what i mean) and the crew just stands there, a bit apart watching them with a "something is off and they act weird" so chim or so sais "they are acting weird" and bobbys like "yeah eddie and i had a weird talk a few days ago" and hen is like "yeah i had something like that with buck too" and they look at each other with a 'wait a minute' look on their faces but refusing to tell secrets of their friends. so this awkward situation goes on for a while

thats everything. this was supposed to be short goddamnit. Im sorry, im not a professsional ok??? this was just something on my mind and thwn it evolved even further and .. well here we are

and thank you to @uselesslesbianhufflepuff for helping me to find out who buck would go first!!

drink game: everytime i used the word "like" and the phrase "and then" XD

[questioning-gender-theory]

So I'm basically making this account to try to come to grips with some of my thoughts about gender, transgender people and terfs. I have grown a degree of sympathy with gender critical views, I have a certain amount of agreement with terfs but still a certain amount of disagreement, and I am open to conversations with anyone from any side of these debates, in fact I explicitly want people to tell me what they think.

EDIT: thought I should maybe say a bit about myself, I am a lesbian, I am a socialist, I do believe in equality and I think that should be the fundamental goal ie I think both sides should be open to the idea that a given action/belief actually reinforces inequality. I also have a masters in physics and consider myself quite well verse in good and bad interpretations of science. A lot of evidence held up as proof on both sides actually isnt proving anything. The reality is there is a huge lack of genuine study into these issues. This is something that actually made me question the trans narrative a bit; it feels like people are almost opposed to research into the more controversial topics because science inherently requires viewing any conclusion as potential finding, and it is allegedly transphobic to consider the possibility the conclusion that would support trans people isnt true.

Areas in which I agree with terfs:

What actually is a woman? This is kind of key to my thought process; if anyone and everyone can decide to be a woman then what does it mean?

Woman used to mean the same thing as "vagina haver". Why is it inherently worse to exclude someone with a penis from "women" than it is to exclude them from "vagina haver"? These are really just words that describe something.

Intersex people are basically irrelevant to whether you can identify as a different gender. Even if we accept the rationale of “sex is a spectrum/there are infinite sexes”, that still wouldn’t mean you can transition from one to the other. We should be questioning why people develop gender dysphoria and what it really means.

The trans rights movement is pushing gender stereotypes more and more frequently. As above, the whole concept kind of pushes stereotypes.

Calling people cisgender and equating trans with gnc, talking as though cis and gnc are opposites (even without saying it outright), and assuming cis means "comfortable with the gender assigned at birth" is demeaning and presumptious.

Trans women are not like, the most oppressed group ever in the way that is implied.

There is no proof that transwomen are socialised like women. Specifically there is no proof that they are less likely to sexually assault than men are.

Being "AFAB" or whatever you want to call it does lead to a distinct oppression. There is ofc stuff like fgm, abortion laws, period stigma etc that is entirely anatomical, and additionally stats suggest that AFAB people are more likely to be sexually assaulted, sexually harassed and objectified, less likely to recieve promotions etc. This does therefore mean than an axis of oppression that is trans v cis does not entirely hold up.

You do not experience misogyny simply by identifying as a woman.

Things such as "wanting to be a woman is the only thing that makes you a woman" (real thing I have seen) is misogynistic and entirely ignores womens oppression.

Misognyny does mean a lot of women will feel uncomfortable with their assigned gender at birth. This doesn't mean they are trans.

Bouncing from the last point, the surge of "AFAB" people identifying as another gender should be looked into, and the idea that these are women suffering the effects of misogyny should at the very least be an option to be considered, if not considered the most likely.

Men identifying as women simply to sexually harass and assault women is not beyond the realm of possibility, and should not be assumed to be.

Lesbians are being pressured into sleeping with trans women. The "cotton ceiling" should never even have been devised and certainly should not be defended.

TERFS are not some mega threatening organisation. The way trans rights supporters talk of terfs reminds me of how the right talk of "Antifa".

Women absolutely are being accused of being terfs left right and centre.

It says something that JKR talking about gender identity (even when she clearly said she was friends with trans women, that she does absolutely view as women) created a much bigger scandal than male celebrities raping women.

There are outright lies being told in the aim of supporting trans people. "Marsha P Johnson was a trans woman who started pride" and "trans women are the most at risk of violent crime" are both untrue and yet common rallying cries of trans rights.

I dont usually like to compare oppressions but really can someone tell me why the same people who think "transracial" is horrifically racist but insist everyone loves and supports trans women.

Areas in which I disagree with terfs:

Its a stretch to say that a trans woman who has "fully" transitioned is like, societally exactly the same as the average man.

Its also a stretch to say that lesbians who date any transwoman has to be bisexual. There are quite a few transwomen who do at least look like women, and especially if you meet them post transition, they would be attractive to someone who is into women.

Calling someone cisgender as in "does identify as the gender they were assigned at birth" is not inherently offensive.

Trans women do experience a significant amount of oppression. Even if you think of them as just very gender non conforming men, this still puts them at quite high risk.

Trans women who do look like women are probably at risk of sexism.

Trans women can pass as women, maybe you can always tell if they are scrutinising someone (I really have no idea) but most people just make a split second subconcious judgement on someones sex.

Transitioning isnt inherently wrong, if people are suffering from dysphoria and this is the only known way of helping then it should certainly be an option

I may add to this if more things to mention come to me, but in the mean time if people have thoughts about this please do let me know what you think.