#i dont know what words or actions could fix whats wrong with me

[goredboy]

.

[todayisafridaynight]

YEAH........... YEAH..... LIKEWISE, NO NOTES AT ALL, THAT'S EXACTLY IT... Main antagonist deaths are often treated as "comeuppance," but that would be the ultimate comeuppance for Aoki. As it stands, the only people who actually suffer for it are Ichiban and Jo, and Ichi didn't even do anything wrong. Also please I'm positive there's more to wring out of Aoki and Jo for an essay 😭😭at the very least, I always love to hear your perspective!

"he'd made a social circle for himself where people predominantly liked him for the power and influence" <- incredibly Mine-core of Aoki btw (I also feel the rest applies a little in terms of Mine probably being very quick to write off people who Do care about him as not caring about him, as with Katase, but it's nowhere near the extent of the Arakawas)

Wait actually it's kind of funny... for both Mine and Aoki, I was so sure their endings would go a certain way. Mine and Kiryu'd fight Richardson off together and Ichi'd, I don't know, shield Aoki or hug him so Kume couldn't get to him in the first place, or after that INSANE direct parallel to Arakawa running to the hospital with Masato, he'd miraculously pull through like he did on New Year's. Tormented with visions of the better timeline... With Aoki in particular, it makes me want to tear my hair out because the moment of him choosing to put the gun in the locker was REVOLUTIONARY for the series, looking at the characters he was most heavily based on.

Anyway. Bottom line. These bitches need to hug it out. It was so evil Arakawa didn't hug Ichi at Omi HQ or on the waterfront like bro stop being """manly""" for five seconds you're ruining my life you're ruining your own lives

There'd genuinely be nothing more painful yet more satisfying for an antagonist than being confronted with the consequences of their actions and having to navigate life after having making those decisions, ESPECIALLY when it comes to mending the bonds that- for anyone else- would have shattered long ago. With Aoki being motivated by the want to be loved and appreciated for himself, it would've been nice to see him finally acknowledge that he did have that love and start to better himself as a result (however much he'd be able to while in prison anyway lmao).

The Mine and Aoki comparisons are so real though, I remember joking to myself about it days after beating the game but it just fuels my mental illness every time I think about it ☠️ I LEGALLY AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO OFF ABOUT THE Y7 ENDING I'VE DONE IT TOO MUCH it makes me so mad every time I think about it 😭 ESPECIALLY THE PARALLELS WITH ARAKAWA AND THE LOCKERS UGGGHHH IT COULD HAVE BEEN SUCH AN EPIC CONCLUSION WITH THAT... Arakawa running from the lockers at the start of Aoki's life compared to Ichiban running from the lockers and getting Aoki to the hospital so Aoki can restart life I'm Going To Kill Someone (myself) (in Minecraft)

[adeptus-nonsense]

humans are poets as well as warmongers

Humans nowadays are well known far and wide in this galaxy. Mostly because they are some of the most chaotic, Stupid or bold "daredevils" around (think i used that word correctly).

While i do recall my first meeting with the humans very V E R Y badly since i served in the contact wars when the Graktuka a well known theocratic empire and very influential and politically strong contender in the galaxy stumbled across human colonies. They saw this as an hostile action since the planet they were settling were a holy world, That however is a story for another time.

Just know that the Graktuka empire shrunk by a significant margin to the point where they asked for militairy support. The humans had apparently developed a kind of magnetic accelerated firing plattform piercing through multiple layers of hull completely ignoring shields. Given that Graktuka empire relied on shields since most of the galactic arsenal is plasma based but their hull wasn't weak at all. Unconventional weapons had to be used to even dent their armour. Realising that the humans ships were massive but rather primitive and slow a ground based invasion was seen to be the optimal way off going.

If you were there you would know why humanity is as feared as they are. Masters of the what did they call it? Art of war? Yeah something like that. Fields of bombs buried into the ground detonating with a light step. Weapons dedicated to injure soldiers just enough to save them but not kill them in order to make the invader spend more resources on saving said soldier.

Even our bases of operations with shields were not safe, let me tell you if you think regular humans can cause damage to stuff by touching things dont even get near trained saboteurs with your stuff. They break things in a ways that seems like a simple malfunction and will work after a simple repair. When the shield generator first broke down i thought i could fix it in a matter of minutes, I still havent fixed it to this day and i have taken that thing apart thousands of times without finding the fault.

safe to say we lost that war and this is just one one planet. This was the short part. Just be glad that they pack bond with just about anything. Saw a human carry a cleaning unit and named it "Ronald the Roomba" And that is apparently our ships mascot. But this is things we all are aware of. Let me tell you of their poetic side

This is not something most of us see as common knowledge about humans, but their cultural aspect besides war is for a lack of better words beautiful. This thing they call music.

for all their wars they know how brutal they are and write songs about everything they did wrong and how they wished how they could change it. But that is not all, according to human Jakob music portrays emotions and ones feelings in a way that regular communication doesn't and you dont even need to understand the words to understand the emotion said piece is carrying. Which i know to be true, it's almost therapeutic

I think My log of it will be a better way to describe since it is honestly hard to describe [alltough be careful their music is quite loud for most prey species]

Year 4574 human sector 456854 log 1 of service leave. I am currently here on a passion project of mine. While the war has ended 6 years ago off now the tensions do still exist. Me and some comrades in service are taking some time off and going to what humans call a bar and apparently there is a human performing. I have no idea of how this is gonna go. All i know is humans are incredibly chaotic especially when intoxicated. Still i should probably record this for the culture scientists at social scientific hub.

Log 2

*murmur and loud talking in the background at the bar*

"for clarifications sake, my name is Groakslo, i am here with my two comrades Kyukla and Telosa. We are currently at the bar only to see that humans are actively drinking poison, i was quite shocked to hear this and asked if it isn't dangerous and the bartender said and i quote "nah we gucci" note to self find out what gucci is."

Log 3

"the humans were beginning to get rowdy and even slight outbursts of violence did occur but nothing the surprisingly loud bartender couldn't handle by a very concerning threat, followed by him saying that the band is preparing so settle down. Telosa and i looked at each other very confused but still awaited this "band"

Log 4

"the band arrived and started to set up weird things, long instruments with metal strings, of varying thickness, i asked the a human who were close by what they were and he said instruments. I asked what they were used for and he said to play music. I was getting nowhere and decided to see for myself what they were gonna do."

Log 5 (i decided to be quiet for this one)

"welcome folks and aliens of all sorts shapes and kinds! Thank you for coming to this bar for our first debut our name is The Lines In between, and for those who dont know human music, we'll slowly lean you into it with this first on and it is namned Memories beneath the stars" [3 hours of music recorded]

Final log (yes i know i could voice record but i want to write while the memory is fresh i'm bad with words)

I never knew that humans could make such songs. Telosa and Kyukla was particurlarly affected. The song was as the name suggest the memories we made sneaking out to watch the stars as younglings, reminiscing about the times when the stars were the most unknown, adventure filled and beautiful place to be in. But also about the connections they've lost over the years, the good times wiped away like a water slowly polishing a stone into sand. It was odd, beautiful calm, sad all at once.

The voices i heard when i fought humans in war can not even be compared to that of the singer in that band, what is most perplexing is that the once borderline rioting bar was completely quiet when the band was performing, almost as if in a trance completely captured by the singers voice, smooth, rough, raspy but controlled in a way i thought impossible. A song about 4 human minutes somehow managed to capture the full emotional spektrum of not only humans but multiple species in that bar.

Humans truly are an astounding species. Truly a species that are on all of the extremes, stupidity, ingenuity, violence, poetry and many many more. For now i'll sign off and hope you at the social cultural exchange fellas have a field day with the music file attached to this.

Grokslo, highly decorated former geothermical shield generator militairy specialist.

[just-some-random-blogger]

hello gorgeous! if you doesn't mind, i have an idea. yk this cliche where 1 person makes another jealous just to fire them up and to make them confess their feelings/make out/have sex. i'm always conflicted bc yes i'm a flirty person myself but if someone does it to me? cty instantly. so can you imagine daemon making reader (who's the one he knows he will marry or they're just betrothed) jealous a lot bc he's a big shit and wants her to pay all her attention to him. but he didn't thought about oh. she's cold and strong-willed. so instead of some love making she ignores him for weeks if not months not even saying go back to your whores (sorry). just want him to beg for her love and attention bc that's what he deserves. idk about smut but angst. love angst and having power over powerful men. thank u in advance! take care!

It Takes Two

Daemon Targaryen x Reader

Summary: Just because you knew Daemon flirted as though it was a sport his life depended on, didn't mean he would not meet the flames of your wrath.

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: daemon being a man 🤢, fem!reader, wife!reader, gaslight gatekeep girlboss, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: HI NONNIE im blushing over here with you calling me gorgeous. I love me some good old fashioned 'oh no the consequences of my actions' and a good femme fatale i hope you like it lovie HELP IT ACCIDENTALLY TURNED INTO FLUFF IM SO SORRY I DONT HAVE THE BRAIN POWER TO FIX IT sigh i guess its what God intended because my last daemon fic was dark af Tagging: @pinksirensong @deniixlovezelda @targeryenmoony @ly--canthrope Part 2 "Since You Asked So Nicely"

He sees me from atop his horse. He is already smirking because of the ladies circled around him. He only cares to dismount after I walk away. "Slow down!" Daemon calls chuckling, removing his stupid headpiece, discarding it without a care. When he manages to grab me, I turn and crush my heel onto his foot. He lurches back in pain, snorting angrily as he watches me walk away for the second time. He manages to grab me again, only this time, he is seething and has his hands locked on both my shoulders, "what has inspired your anger this time, wife?" My nostrils in anger. I shove his iron clad chest away from me, but he does not budge, "ask your admirers, prince." Daemon's lips quirk. He releases me. I storm away. He laughs as he calls a servant, instructing him to retrieve his helmet before he follows after his enraged dragon lover.

Daemon could no longer mask that he had been annoyed, no, worried, that up till now, the doors have not opened, and the person he had been waiting for all night has not arrived.

"Is something wrong, my prince?" the woman states in a ditzy manner.

She had been a pastime, a pawn in his game. She had grown honest with the alcohol, now unable to mask the fact she was, in fact, flirting with him. He liked her better when she talked about her dress, not that he could care any less about it. But at least she sounded like she knew what she was talking about, and not like she was measuring each word she would speak before it was spoken.

Daemon does not offer her a word in regard before walking away.

He walks up to the guard that should not be in the banquet this evening, not alone, and surely not enjoying it, as though he should not be on duty.

"Elias!" the prince calls, making the man chatting with someone, turn and straighten at the sight of him walking over.

"My prince," Elias nods in regard, lowering the cup he hand in hand slightly.

"Where is the princess?" he quips, "why are you here when she is not?"

The princess' guard shakes his head and shrugs, "she is in your chambers. Rowan is keeping guard."

Daemon's brows tighten in annoyance, "she's not finished changing still?"

The guard tilts his head, "my prince, she will not be in attendance of the banquet this eve."

"What?"

"Did she not tell you?" he mutters, "she said that she felt faint and did not want to go."

Daemon's face hardens.

Without another word, he storms out of the banquet hall.

I turn to the door from the page of the book my eyes were on when I hear it burst open.

Daemon is heaving when he stills just outside the door.

"Has something happened?" I ask, with no real interest.

The prince marches over to me. I watch him up until he sits by my side and places a hand on my forehead, "are you ill?"

I push his hand away, "no."

"Are you with child?"

I roll my eyes, closing the book in my hand, "wouldn't you like that."

"Then why are you not at the banquet, by my side?"

"Hmp," I shift, turning my body to him, "I did not know you were expecting me."

"You are my wife," Daemon grabs my hand, "everyone is expecting you to be at my side."

I hum, puling my hand away. I inch past him to place my book on the bedside table, "and tell me, husband, where you waiting in earnest or with some woman by your side?"

He does not speak a word.

I scoff at him, shaking my head as I pull back and scooch down under the covers, "that is what I thought."

I snap at him when gets to his feet and rips my blanket off me.

"I've had enough of your games," he points at me, "you have been maddening as of late."

His words make me chuckle dryly. I knit my brows. "Is it I that has been playing games, Daemon?!" I quip, sitting back up, "you have been doing nothing but egg me on ever since your damned tourney and I've about had enough of you!"

I pull the blankets back up, only to have him pull it back down again.

"You know I only do this to get your attention," he says, kicking his shoes off.

I growl, swatting at him as I move to grab the blanket, "you are truly inept if you believe throwing yourself at another woman's feet will merit my attention or good graces."

He grabs the blanket from me and pulls at it, "I only meant to recreate the moment we had after the recent tourney, my love."

I practically steam in anger, releasing the blanket, making him topple back.

"If you are so desperate to recreate it that you resort to speaking with other women, then I do not want you anywhere near me!"

Daemon sighs as he crawls towards me on the bed.

I kick him off, "begone, cretin!"

Daemon, much like him, begins to find excitement in this, and even allows a smirk to play on his lips, "I love it when you call me names."

He manages to grab my leg. When he does so, he pulls me close and pins me down underneath him with his bodyweight.

"Get off!" I shove him off.

"My love," he sighs, grabbing my wrists, pressing them down beside my head, "quit the act-"

"Daemon, I swear to you, if you do not get off me this instant, I will not speak to you for an entire moon cycle."

He stills, looking down at me as he measures my words.

I raise my brows at him in challenge, "do you think I could not do it?"

It take a moments before he releases me. I could not help but gasp when he crumbles above me, sequentially nuzzling his head beside mine.

I clench my jaw at his unwanted affections, repeating more sternly, "get. off."

"You can't make me," he snips like a spiteful child.

I begin to struggle underneath him.

He whines out a desperate, "no!" He pushes down on me, nuzzling further into my shoulder. His breath is hot on my skin when he mutters something in High Valyrian that I do not understand.

I snip, "what was that?"

"I said I did not mean to actually upset you," he quickly admits.

I snort, "didn't you?"

"..."

I relax beneath him.

"... not like this."

"Then I demand an apology with tears."

"..."

"Daemon."

"Enough, I'm going to sleep."

"You are not sleeping in that," I push him off, catching him off guard. He begrudgingly rolls on his back and releases a dramatic sigh. I look at him and raise a brow, "get up right now, or I will make you get up."

He does not listen to a word I say.

The next moment, I have him off the bed. He falls with a yelp and a thud after I kick him.

Daemon rises on his knees eyeing me darkly as I pull the blankets over my me once more, "I told you so."

[headchamberlain]

The confession of Ivan Goncharov.

TW: TWISTED religious imagery, excusing abuse and even calling it a blessing, unhealthy obsession, overall disturbing things.

In this I'll be trying to flesh out Ivan's character, why he's the way he is and how the lobotomy affects him today. This is written from his perspective. Take the tags seriously, please.

...

"IT ALL STARTED SO LONG AGO. HOW LONG AGO? I CANT REMEMBER. I DONT NEED TO REMEMBER. ANYTHING BEFORE MEETING YOU IS INSIGNIFICANT. MY FAMILY... MY FRIENDS- IF I HAD ANY- THEYRE INSIGNIFICANT NOW. NOTHING BUT SOMETHING I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE, SUPPOSED TO CARE FOR, BUT THEY DONT UNDERSTAND ME. THEY DONT UNDERSTAND ME LIKE YOU DO, MASTER.

I WAS STRUGGLING. I COULDNT CONTROL ANYTHING. NOT EVEN MY OWN LIFE. IT KEPT GOING DOWNHILL. I WAS HANGING ON- I HUNG ON BY A THREAD- BUT EVEN THEN I GAVE UP AND LET GO. I WAS SO LONELY. WHAT DID YOU SEE IN ME, MASTER? I WAS HOPELESS. I WAS WEAK. ID LOST MY FAITH; IN FACT I BELIEVED GOD HATED ME. I BELIEVED GOD JUST WANTED ME TO SUFFER FOR HIS ENTERTAINMENT. BUT THAT WAS UNTIL YOU CAME. YOU OFFERED ME A HAND. YOU SAID I HAD THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME MORE THAN WHAT I AM. I DIDNT BELIEVE YOU. YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD A WAY TO FIX ME- TO MAKE SURE I NEVER FELT THOSE HIDEOUS, HORRIBLE EMOTIONS AGAIN. I WAS INTERESTED. I TOOK YOUR HAND. YOUR HAND WAS SO COLD, MASTER... BUT IT WAS SO WARM. YOUR FINGERS WERE BONY AND THIN. YOU WERE SO PALE. YOU WERE SO TIRED. I COULD TELL YOU WERE WEAK, TOO. BUY YOU WERE FAR FROM THAT.

A SURGERY, YOU SAID. A SURGERY THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY AGAIN. FOREVER. I TOLD YOU THAT WAS INSANE; I TOLD YOU THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE. BUT YOU TOLD ME TO THINK ABOUT IT. WOULD I GET THIS CHANCE AGAIN? WOULD MY LIFE EVER GET BETTER? YOU WERE A MESSENGER FROM GOD, I REALIZED. YOU HAD ANGELS AT YOUR HAND, WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER. WHY ME, I ASKED. WHY AM I BEING CHOSEN TO BE BLESSED? WHY IS A PIECE OF FILTH LIKE ME CAPABLE OF HAVING THIS KINDNESS? BECAUSE, YOU TOLD ME, THAT YOU SPOKE WITH GOD. AND GOD SAID HE NEEDED ME TO LIVE.

YOU ARE A BLESSING, MASTER. YOU REALLY ARE. I COULD WORSHIP YOU. I COULD WORSHIP EVERYTHING YOU DO. IF I DIED I WOULD WANT TO DIE WORSHIPPING YOU. PEOPLE TOLD ME I WAS INSANE, THAT I WOULD GO TO HELL FOR WORSHIPPING YOU; BUT I KNOW THEY WERE WRONG. THEY HADN'T HAD A CHANCE TO MEET YOU. YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME. PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR ACTIONS LIKE I DO, MASTER. PEOPLE SAID WHAT YOU DID WAS EVIL; SUCH HENIOUS CRIMES, THEY WOULD SAY. BUT IS DESTRUCTION AND WAR REALLY A SIN? IS IT NOT CONSIDERED RIGHTEOUS? WHEN THE ANGELS CAME DOWN WITH TRUMPETS TO DESTROY THE EARTH, WAS IT NOT GOD'S WILL? WAS IT NOT HIS WILL TO TURN THE RIVERS AND LAKES TO BLOOD, TO UNLEASH DEMONS THAT SPOKE BLASPHEMOUS THINGS? YOU ARE RE-CONSTRUCTING THE EARTH. WHEN BUILDINGS FALL AND BURN, WHEN PEOPLE DIE, YOU ARE DOING IT TO FREE THE WORLD OF SIN. WHEN GOD FLOODED THE EARTH THAT IS WHAT HE DID. HE PROMISED HE WOULDN'T DO IT AGAIN. SO HE SENT YOU INSTEAD. EVEM GOD'S LOVE HAS LIMITS.

AFTER MY SURGERY, I WAS TERRIFIED, MASTER. I WAS TERRIFIED. I PICKED UP A PEN; BUT NOTHING CAME TO MIND. I COULDN'T WRITE. I COULDN'T READ. I SOBBED, MASTER, I SOBBED; BUT I SOBBED WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE. WASN'T MY VOICE SO BEAUTIFUL? WASN'T IT BEAUTIFUL THAT I CHOKED AND SOBBED IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD? WASN'T IT BEAUTIFUL HOW I COULDN'T GET A WORD OUT, HOW FAT TEARS ROLLED DOWN MY CHEEKS AND STAINED THE CARPET? YOU WEREN'T ANGRY AT ME. YOU BLESSED ME AGAIN, MASTER. YOU BLESSED ME WITH PURPOSE; I LEARNED EVERYTHING FOR YOU. I LEARNED HOW TO COOK, I LEARNED HOW TO CLEAN, I LEARNED YOUR TASTES. WHAT KIND OF TEA YOU LIKE, WHAT FABRICS YOU PREFER, HOW WARM YOU WANT YOUR BATH. I LEARNED EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND I MENORIZED IT. THAT IS MY ONLY PURPOSE, MASTER, TO SERVE YOU.

I WELCOMED EACH BLESSING YOU GAVE ME; I WELCOMED THE BRUISES YOU GAVE ME, I WELCOMED THEM ALL. I WANT YOU TO HIT ME ALL YOU WANT AND THEN KISS THE BRUISES AFTERWARDS. I WANT YOU TO TEAR ME APART AND SAY SORRY AFTERWARDS, EVEN IF I KNOW YOU DON'T MEAN IT, EVEN IF I KNOW YOU'LL DO IT AGAIN. OVER AND OVER.

IS IT SO WRONG FOR ME TO BE YOUR TOY? IS IT REALLY SO WRONG? IS IT SO WRONG FOR ME TO BE YOUR SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT? BEING GOD'S FAVOURITE COMES WITH RESPONSIBILITIES. GOD NEEDS SOMEONE TO HURT, SOMEONE TO TOY WITH, SOMEONE TO RUIN. THAT'S OKAY. I AM YOUR ANGEL. I AM YOUR ANGEL.

AREN'T I BEAUTIFUL, MASTER? PLEASE SAY I'M BEAUTIFUL. TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AND ILL BE BEGGING FOR YOUR ATTENTION LIKE A DOG. IM A NERVOUS DOG. IM A BAD DOG. I WAIT BY THE DOOR EVEN IF I KNOW ILL STARVE BY IT. PLEASE LOOK AT ME MASTER. PLEASE LOVE ME. I LOVE YOU MASTER. PLEASE LOOK AT ME. PLEASE LOOK AT ME, I'M BEGGING YOU, MASTER, DONT STOP BEING MY SAVIOR. DON'T STOP BEING THE ONE PERSON I RELY ON. I CANT FUNCTION WITHOUT YOU. I KNOW YOU SO MUCH IVE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF. I DONT HAVE MY OWN ROUTINE; MY LIFE REVOLVES AROUND YOU. I CANT LEAVE YOU EVEN IF I WAS GIVEN A CHANCE TO, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU MASTER

IM YOUR PERFECT SACRIFICAL LAMB. MY WOOL IS SO PURE AND WHITE AND FLUFFY AND SOFT. WHEN THEY LEAD ME TO YOU THEY DONT HAVE TO TIE ME DOWN- I HOLD PERFECTLY STILL WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE. AS THE KNIFE DIGS INTO ME MY INTESTINES SPILL OUT SO BEAUTIFULLY AND CLEANLY AND IT STAINS MY PRETTY WOOL RED. WHEN I DIE YOU REVIVE ME AGAIN AND YOU TELL ME IM YOUR FAVOURITE. YOU DONT REVIVE THE OTHER LAMBS BECAUSE IM YOUR FAVOURITE. I TROT ALONG SO HAPPILY BECAUSE IM YOUR FAVOURITE. IM SO PURE LIKE A PORCELAIN DOLL LIKE A FLOWER LIKE AN ANGEL THAT LOST ITS WINGS.

PLEASE LOOK AT ME MASTER.

PLEASE.

I SEE THEM. I SEE THEM EVERY DAY AND THEY KEEP TELLING ME YOU DONT LOVE ME. SOMETIMES I SEE IT IN THE CORNER OF MY EYE. SOMETIMES THEY WHISPER MY NAME EVER SO SOFTLY; THEY TELL ME YOU DONT LOVE ME. THATS NOT TRUE, MASTER. I LOVE YOU. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. SAY IT BACK. SAY IT BACK OR IM GONNA HAVE TO BEG YOU"

... -Written by Kiji.

If you've actually read all of this; I'm proud!

[seiquack]

Just For Tonight

☆ || Sanzu / Haruchiyo Akashi | 明司 春千夜 x gn!reader

angst, comfort (?), reader and sanzu aren't together here, I dont think Sanzus personality is accurate, I'll just let you think what au Sanzu is from lol, not proofread!

The both of you lay in Sanzu's bed in his apartment, it was quiet only the tick of the clock and soft breathing could only be heard

Your relationship was over and the both of you decided to stay as friends, after a few drinks at the bar he offered to take you to his home since you lived far away and you were too intoxicated to commute back home

You lay on the old side of the bed you used to sleep on wearing your old pajamas that were kept in Sanzus closet where your clothes used to be hung on

He never thought of removing your old clothes from his closet since he always hoped that you would come back again and sleep next to him

He was on the other side of the bed turning his back against you facing the wall, wearing a shirt and pajama pants you urged him to buy one time the both of you went out to shop for clothes together

The only thing that separated the two of you was a pillow that served as a barrier between the two of you. One of you could've just slept on the couch or the guest room yet neither the two of you brought to the idea and just let the other do anything

sobering up unable to sleep you thought if this was appropriate, if exes should even still be in contact let alone share a bed

The whole time the tension was awkward between the two of you, you wanted to speak up and ask if it was okay for you to occupy the guest room. But that was an hour ago

You didn't know the time it was too dark to see what time it was from the clock, you remind yourself to tell him to get a digital alarm clock before you leave tomorrow morning

Sanzu wanted to turn around, throw the pillow separating the both of you, ask what led to your breakup, apologize for it, and hug you. He couldn't just do that and expect you to let him do it, his stomach weighed heavy as minutes passed by all he could do was stare at whatever he was facing

Thinking if he should talk to you or not, he doesn't know what you'll say and a part of him doesn't want to hear it

He doesn't want to hear you talk fearing he'll start crying in front of you. He can't handle the fact that he isn't in your life anymore and he should not try and make his way in again

He was too immersed in his thoughts that he didn't feel the bed move slightly as you moved to face his back

he only realized when you called out to him

"Haru" you call out to him whispering

There, it was the nickname you used to call him.

You called out to him in a voice that made his insides feel warm, a voice that belonged to the person he loves since he could remember.

he doesn't face you, he doesn't want to know why you decided to say his name

"Haru" you call him again, hesitant about your actions and the world that threatened to spill from your mouth

You feel the bed move and hear the sheets crinkle as he turns over to face you, you felt his eyes looking at you even though you couldn't see his face

"Yeah?" he answers "What's wrong?" he asks you in a hushed concerned tone

You didn't know if the words that came out of you were caused by the tone of his voice or the leftover alcohol that was still in your system

"Can you hold me like before, please?"

You asked moving closer to him ignoring the pillow that was supposed to keep you both separated, he was taken back by your sudden request

He let out a quiet "ok" removing the pillow tossing it somewhere in the room and moving closer to you

You wrap your arms around his neck hiding on his neck and tangling your legs together, he hugs you leaving his hands on your back

The feeling of hugging him again makes you miss this feeling and him

knowing this was only for tonight and never again.

You missed this feeling badly, and so did he.

( a/n: Im so tired I've been repeatedly fixing and reposting for like 3 times now cause tumblr wont post it. Anyways this is inspired by the storu i saw here abt Matsukawa x reader from a hq blog acc yet I cant find it pls let me know if you do know what im talking about. All my posts seem to be the same huh no wonder I feel like all of them are trash )

Likes and Reblogs are appreciated (⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠) ♡ !

m.listU⁠ ⁠´⁠꓃⁠ ⁠`⁠ ⁠U

[thatlonelycactus]

Okay so I’m actually really I interested in what people think about the post-bodyswap convo because whilst we know that they were both extremely effected by experiencing how each others sides treated the other, we don’t know how much the other knows about how the event effected them (if that makes sense- the words aren’t wording).

Like, we know that Crowley knows at least some of Aziraphale’s experience in hell but we dont know how much. Does Crowley know that Aziraphale fears for what might have happened every time Crowley disappeared for decades on end? Does he know about how his fellow demon cheered for his demise? The thirst for blood on their tongues? Does he know that only a few minutes down in his main office broke the heart of his (more than) best friend- that realizing the group that Crowley, the Fallen, who never really did anything wrong, Crowley, who only ever asked questions, who gave humanity their ability to question, the starmaker whose kindness knows no bounds broke some part of Aziraphale and made him realize that maybe the system had gone to shit? Does he? No, I doubt he does.

But what does Aziraphale know about Crowley’s time in heaven? I don’t think we ever see Crowley talk about it to Aziraphale. Because Crowley didn’t learn anything new about his old employers- he’d always known their injustice and cruelty. However maybe he was simply reminded. Maybe he let himself believe that there was something wrong about his actions- some way to justify his fall. But, as wrong as his actions may or may not have been, he knew that Aziraphale had never did any wrong. So when the Supreme Archangel, a being who was meant to represent light and truth and everything Aziraphale believed heaven stood for, told the only being who had ever truly shown Crowley love and kindness, who had convinced Crowley that there still might be good in the system to “shut his mouth and die”, any respect Crowley had of the above must have dissipated. And when they got back to each other, alive, happy, how could Crowley tell Aziraphale how easily the side he had spent 6000 years defending, working for, believing in would throw him away just like that? Like a worthless piece of rubbish? As if he was well- as if he were like Crowley? How could Crowley tell the being that he loved that the thing he’d spent his entire existence loving something that would discard him without batting an eye?? He couldn’t. And some small part of me wonders “what if?” What if he had? Would Aziraphale have still left? Or would his resolve to fix the system remain? I think that his experience in hell definitely showed him that the system needs fixing but what if he realised that heaven was just the same? Maybe even worse???

Who knows. Maybe this is all bullshit and Aziraphale knows about what happened in heaven (but Crowley’s convo with Jim in s2 suggests that he prob doesn’t know most of the story).

[iheartmalewives]

"Is this a dream?"

Vil catching feelings for gn!reader?!?! Fluff

It has been a while since Vil felt this way.

His heart would race whenever you smile at him, cheeks clearly red as he watches you walk away.

The famous star, Vil Schoenheit, was in love.

_

At first, he shrugged it off as nothing. His pride was too high to fall in love with a simple person like you, and he knows that; but the way you started clouding his mind 24/7, proved him wrong.

Rook took notice of his actions almost instantly, the way he would slip up and stutter whenever you're around and the way he would blankly stare at his paper from time to time.

"Roi du poison, are you feeling alright?" The blonde male scooted over next to his acquaintance, his sharp eyes scanning Vil up and down.

"You're in love arent you?"

Thats when Vil snapped out of his thoughts, jolting at Rook's sudden question. "Must you always make an assumption?" He replied whilst fixing the papers in front of him in attempt to "act cool."

"i know when someone is in love, Monsieur." Rook laughed out loud and then smiled at Vil, "You dont have to hide it." He continued, placing his head on top of his palm, staring quietly at Vil Schoenheit.

"Oh, what should I do? I cant believe that.. potato.. is making me fall for them." He confessed, clicking his tongue in annoyance, wondering how out of all the people in the world, YOU were able to steal his heart.

Do you have a grudge on him or something? Did you perhaps slip in a love potion in his drink?

These questions made Vil even more frustrated than before, face flushed as he angrily stared at his own reflection. "Oh Mon Dieu! You're gonna get wrinkles if you continue making that face." Rook exclaimed.

"Oh shut it, will you?" Vil clenched his teeth in frustration before relaxing his whole face, taking a deep breath in. "I advise you to confess to them, Roi Du poison. You have to let your feelings out."

Vil sighed at Rook's suggestion, closing his eyes softly before speaking, "You're right, I do need to let these feelings out, otherwise if i keep bottling it up, it might affect me."

After that conversation; Vil planned out his confession.

He doesnt really need to prepare, after all hes confident enough to voice his feelings out. Though, he does need to make certain preparations so that no one will bother you two.

It was hard to plan this at first considering the fact that Vil had many upcoming photoshoots, but he gladly cancelled them all just for you.

When the day finally came, he was a nervous wreck. He hasnt felt THIS nervous since he entered his first movie shoot.

He was praying to the Great Sevens that he wont mess up his words and slip up a few of this and that.

When you got out of your last class, Vil instantly pulled you aside, taking you to god knows where.

"Vil?! Where are you taking me?" You exclaimed in surprise, "We need to talk, thats all."

At first, those 6 words made your body pale, out of fear, but when you two finally arrived at the venue, it was beautiful. The sun was already setting and you could feel your heart race as Vil glanced at you with soft eyes.

"I love you." He suddenly blurted out, making you jump at his sudden words. "I love you I love you I love you. I dont know HOW you made me feel this way." He looked away for a second before looking at you once more, your body was frozen like a statue.

"I want to be your boyfriend. I want to be yours."

You could've sworn someone was filming you two. It felt like you were in the movies, after all, THE Vil Schoenheit is confessing his love for you.

You couldnt believe it, the whole scene felt like a fever dream. "Am i dreaming?" You accidentally blurted out, smacking your mouth shut and internally cursing yourself for asking such a thing.

"Should I kiss you then? Maybe that will wake you up"

"Wait Vi-" Your mouth was then sealed shut as his lips pressed unto yours. You couldve sworn you felt millions of butterflies swirling in your stomach, his kiss felt so surreal.

When he pulled away, you stared at him in shock, soft smile turning into a slight smirk as he looked deeply into your eyes,

"Do you still think this is a dream?"

"No.. not anymore." You felt your cheeks redden, heat spreading across your skin. "i love you too, Vil."

_

This fanfic is a gift for lorie because they are writing me good trey fanfics 💔 love u lorie poo/p

anyway! I hope you guys enjoyed reading that. Sorry if Vil is alittle ooc, IM STILL NEW TO BOOK 5.

[kittychosis]

honestly ive been having a really hard time thinking about family lately. im reliving high school the same way i was reliving my childhood in high school. i see all the ugliness for what it was in the moment, i do not have to disguise it as something pleasant like i did in the moment. all the words, prolonged silences, all the backhanded niceness, all the ways my family laid their hands on me. i have struggled for the longest time with the idea of forgiveness, i genuinely think i cannot offer it to some of the people that i would like to give it to. i would like to be able to give my trust back to the people who broke it but in reality i dont think that is in the cards. i dont think some things that have been broken can be fixed. i dont think i will ever be able to trust an adult again, which adds a whole new layer when you are an adult too. i see my brothers in a way i never did when i was a child, in a way i didnt even in high school. i forgive them, through it all i FORGIVE them. no matter how bad or how hard, i can forgive them. i can offer them this thing i so badly wish i could give to my parents. i relive the hardest moments with them and even through the tears and internal pain it has caused me to endure this, i know deep down i forgive them. i know that i can because they were the same as me, they did not understand the evilness in our house and they were only slightly responsible for their actions. i forgive them because we were all just kids who were taught that that was the way life was, that was the way it was always going to be. and i love them both more than life itself for being able to change. i feel an undescribable relief that we have used our abilities to change in areas where our parents felt comfortable staying the same. but i cant forgive my parents. it was too little too late. it was almost nothing at all. for my dad it was nothing. he died holding onto the beleif that nothing he did was wrong. i dont know if my mom will die the same way but im at a point where i dont know if it would even matter anymore. the damage has been done and she did not stick around to help pick up the pieces. but she didnt hesitate to show back up as a "supportive parent" the second we all left and she realized what her fate had become. i dont know if i can forgive someone who has only their best interest at heart when it comes to our relationship. i feel like a horrible daughter, a horrible person in general for creating a larger and larger space between us. it is heartbreaking to imagine how that must feel for her, after all, at the end of the day she was a girl just like me. but i dont know if i can keep blaming myself for her facing the consequences of her actions. at the same time it feels hopelessly horrible to realize you really truely have no parents when it comes down to it. i dont know which burden is greater to bare.

[soupjug]

people with szpd and other more obscure pds, do you have like therapists that like specialize in that area? could you tell me if that makes much of a difference whether they are or not ?

kinda vent shit below

because at the moment my therapist is treating me like a normal person with an understanding of my own emotional state, without this complicated emotional block, and like a want for human connection. i can’t even explain my own actions or my thought process. plus i’m pretty sure my memory’s so shot from dissociating almost constantly from like age 7. there’s just not much information i can give her besides objective facts. and she’s taking in what she’s observing of me as i talk as if that fully entirely me, and not just a persona ( i can’t think of another word ) that i put on when i have to talk to people. i’m sitting there smiling ( shaking a little mind you ) while talking about some of the worst shit that’s happened to me and she’s got no idea what to do

the moment i finally started crying she jumped on that so hard. she felt so smug when she was trying to get me to say that i shouldn’t feel guilty. and i know that. honestly i should’ve said that i’d known that and that hadn’t change anything. but i didn’t cause it didn’t occur to me. i just went along with what she was saying. my own feelings / opinions become background noise when talking to someone else. i felt awful physically but left feeling pretty good emotionally. when i got home though and had time to sit by myself i was almost angry. for one she didn’t keep her promise about finishing my assessment test thing. two we haven’t gotten anywhere. nothings happened. she’s thinking that i want to fix the problems in my life and i dont. i want to deal with the shit inside my head. and i don’t think she knows how to help me with that.

as it stands right now i don’t wanna go back. I feel wrong. i feel different in my body then i did yesterday. i’m tired my body feels heavy and smiling hurts. I was just starting to enjoy my summer break and now I don’t want to. I was supposed to do shit today and I’ve done is sleep. any kind of emotions are just bouncing off of me. usually I’d watch a show or do something to like distract myself, but it’s not working.

[softapollo]

hello, i am sorry to bother you but can i ask you a question??

i am a person who is very interested in hellenist paganism, especially apollo (i personally do feel to have some connection with him spritiually...) how am i supposed to start? are here fixed prayers or anything?

i know ancient greek (my level is to be able to read senophoon, i am a classics student) if it helps btw.

first of all you are absolutely no bother!! i would be happy to help/give advice. secondly, tumblr deleted my entire reply when i was basically done with it, so, fuck. this is gonna be worded a lot worse this time over, sorry :\

there is no one right way to begin practicing hellenic paganism at all. it depends on the person, their interests, and their current situation. don't feel like you can't be a "real" hellenic pagan because you can't do certain things.

when i started, it was quite casual, and i was only reaching out to apollo first. these days i'd probably want something slightly less casual, but that's just because of how i've changed and perhaps how my beliefs have changed. do what feels right for you, what you're comfortable with, what makes sense and your situation allows for. don't think you can't be a real/good/proper hellenic pagan just because of your living situation, energy levels, finances, mental state, or whatever.

you can start small; a simple prayer you wrote yourself (you could totally do so in ancient greek if you feel like it, but your mother tongue works too), as casual as you want it to be could work well, or one you found online. one of the easiest things is a simple offering (olive oil, water, a bit of bread). i think that's what i did at first. you can also dedicate an action to them (e.g. if you're making art, dedicate it to apollo), allow them to hangout during an activity, share your own food or tea or coffee with them. research the deities you're interested in (both their ancient and modern information). feel it out, be patient with yourself. you're not doing anything "wrong" if you dont feel an instant connection. it's barely ever something grandiose and extreme as maybe some people make it seem.

more specific information would definitely depend on your situation/feelings/questions you may have. feel free to message me privately if you want more specific info or just want to chat, i'm very much okay with that. sorry if this felt a lil rushed, blame tumblr :\

[ilikecheeseandchocolatee]

Hi vent time. Haven’t done this in a while but today I feel like I could use some help. Same as usual, do not read if not in the right mental space.

I mean the first time I was asked if im autistic is when I moved from India to the UK the third time (second if you dont count me as a baby tho). A lot of people asked me and until then I just thought its likely I have ADHD and I didnt really think about autism. But yeah. Got assessed, turns out im autistic. Which also showed me that damn, I excel at masking.

Until today. Thing is its not so useful to know im autistic if no one in my immediate family knows/acknowledges that im autistic. Even as a tween I discovered that apparently the expression on my face doesn’t reflect how im actually feeling, which is really goddamn inconvenient when im TRYING to communicate in a meaningful way because some people think im angry when in fact im thinking, some people think im sad when im angry, some people think im happy when im devastated. It doesn’t help but I genuinely believed id gotten better at expressions, I can smile and laugh like a normal person now and it makes me so proud.

But today “arguing” with my sister (in my mind it was more of a debate where we both put forward our points and counterpoints and such but I guess this explains why my sister kept circling back to her original point when I said something she apparently didnt have a counterpoint to) showed me that I still don’t have a proper understanding of how to control my expression. Which apparently also includes verbal expression, as in the words I use.

Apparently “why would I say that?” Is the same as “I never said that”. I genuinely do not understand how else im supposed to communicate that I genuinely am wondering why id say something like that. Obviously I acknowledge that my sister isnt stupid, so im wondering what reasons i had to say the things she’s claiming I said (for context I have really bad memory issues so I forget what I say almost immediately at times). She took that as me denying I ever said it. I dont understand how else to EXPRESS myself then. And apparently the entire time I was giving off the impression that I thought she was stupid when in fact its the opposite, I know she’s smart, im constantly telling her she’s smart (like not right now but at general times), she’s constantly denying that she’s smart, I genuinely do believe she’s smart. But apparently the words I was using and my body language was implying to her that I think she’s stupid. I dont know what those words were, or what those actions were. And I DONT know how to amend that if I dont know what I was doing wrong.

When my dad came to mediate between us (she’s started yelling so my dad had decided to intervene), he agreed with her saying that the fact that my expressions are inaccurate according to me complicates things a lot, and that I have to do something about that and become more normal. I mean theyre not wrong it DOES complicate things but it also complicates things for me and I dont know how to fix it. I’ve told him and my sister about my autism diagnosis but I dont think they realize the full implications of that.

So that means i have to mask better. I genuinely thought I rock at masking but apparently I dont. And my family is unlikely to be accepting of my incompetence at being normal so I just have to try harder. Im now asking tumblr if anyone has any tips for masking better and specifically how to communicate my thoughts without coming off the wrong way, or if you guys can link me to some guides. Because I tried to look it up and all I can find is tips on how autistic people can wear face masks, how to recognise masking in autistic people, how to NOT mask. I need to learn how to mask. At least until I get out of here. Please someone help.

[37q]

thank you so much for the sources and directives wrt tara :) i'm not a buddhist (yet?) but i've been reading a lot about the female deities of dharmic traditions, shaktism, the Mahavidya, etc. and honestly the idea of being heard, understood and protected by an all-powerful feminine entity feels like salvation to me right now. like, i crave tara's Liberation more than any other gift or miracle she could give me atm lol how did you get into buddhism and the tara practice btw?

my dearly unacquainted your words struck a chord in my chest. i hope you read this, its for you and me and everyone like us.

the search for liberation is endless and i hope tara can show you how to break the cycle. please, read this message as a journey. if i play u the melody, can you hear the karmic harmonies?

i got into buddhism because im a woman who refuses to be one. growing up trying to be something thats harmful to myself and others, where everyones place in line comes from hideous cruelty, covert or otherwise, and being trained under social conditions which ultimately seek to accelerate mass suffering via systemic domination -- that all made me a little sensitive to the idea of anything being "fixed".

maybe i should say -- i craved impermanence. please dont let this be innate. this cant be forever. what i am, everything thats been done to me, all their pain. i saw my pain everywhere else, in everyone else. i saw my pain before and after me, i saw everyones pain in their walk in life and i saw the pain held over our heads. it was hard not to see it as connected, like everyone is just clinging to our histories of interdependent pain and it makes us who we are. gender made it obvious, although thats a basic benefit of feminist standpoint epistemology.

i got into buddhism because in order to survive i needed a respite from the systemic suffering caused by social attachments. gender, like all phenomena, must be impermanent or people like us are doomed. fundamentally i wanted a world of compassion and empathy, forgiveness and change. buddhism offers such a path. despite my desire for it to serve as a refuge from gendered violence however, its clear that there is a current of antifeminism or general misogyny present in many sanghas. i recoiled more into cycles of womanhood once i felt my status as a human mightve been called into question.

stranger, do me a favor? pause and read tara's vow, reflect on all this a bit before going on.

do you know what bodhicitta is? its the endeavor to achieve true liberation, buddhahood, for the sake of all living beings. the pursuit of ending the suffering of all living beings, only reaching liberation with everyone else. returning with each life to the suffering world of samsara, bound by the restraints of our worlds attachments. remember this.

i found my way to chenrezigs lineage and the impacts of his legacy as bodhisattva of compassion. ohhhh how important buddhist compassion has been to me. always aiming for selflessness but avoiding habitual nihilism. dissolution rather than destruction, seeing through the conditions and loving the emptiness inside.

(recommended reading for the next part isnt dharma, its monique wittigs One Is Not Born A Woman.)

my first step in finding female solace in a doctrine of non-attachment was with his female form known to some as guanyin, or guanshiyin, who hears the cries of the world. she always lacked a certain... bite my practice needed. in my experience emancipatory compassion is disruptive sometimes. we connected, dont get me wrong, but it was hard to separate her pacifism from the training ive received in gendered submission.

well, then i found green tara, or she found me or something, not to get too new age-y. guanyin, the surveyor and listener, contrasted with tara, already stepping out to take action. my personal relationship with her is one whose compassion cuts through my karma. deep enough compassion tears down the walls of our attachments.

ive always been troubled to find this-world radical applications of the dharma, or to find this-world radicalism in the dharma itself. reproducing the gendered self by looking for reflections of my social conditions in a god is not radical, but dissolving the self without addressing these unjust social conditions isnt radical either...

in her vow, that tara returns. just like any other bodhisattva she heeds the constraints of her rebirth and transforms those chains into a vehicle of liberation. the "karma" of womanhood is a mere microcosm of samsara's suffering, she says, and as a bodhisattva she is an expert in engineering mechanisms of suffering into dharmic opportunities.

that womanhood, that divine femininity we see in her. ugh. such an illusion -- we project it in others minds! such falsehood -- its conceptual boundaries dont reflect reality! such conditionality -- in ourselves, throughout history, how we enact it! such instability -- we require life long conditioning and policing to maintain its peaceful performance!

stranger, do me another favor? read through the short green tara practice. meditate on what it means to look for solace in divine reflections.

do you know why the bulk of even basic tantric visualization practices are inaccessible to the uninitiated? two examples. one is that it requires education and training in action rooted in dharma versus action rooted in attachment. another is that it requires a deep understanding of emptiness.

when you look for tara youre looking for help. you need the second part of a hug. youre in crisis, and you need to get out. total solitude and nowhere left to turn. we reach this point in our lives where we can barely even find joy within ourselves, so we look for transcendental salvation elsewhere.

tantric practices employ, for the sake of this piece, two basic assumptions. one is that yidam visualization, such as with tara, manifests the persisting merits of the yidam nondually, so neither from within or without. another is that desire can serve dharmic purposes when not rooted in attachment.

lets revisit visualization. when you look for tara you look for help. you look for someone like you, as stable as divinity can get. she is separate from you, yet you see yourself in her.

visualization takes that projection a step beyond via what some call "manifestation", and so that requisite understanding of emptiness comes into play here, as does the knowledge of desire not rooted in attachment. it requires a practitioner with no self from which to draw attachments in their work. so i want you to listen closely.

when youre more attached to your karmic conditions than you are to liberation, you will bring that suffering with you in your path.

read that again. i am explicitly warning you from finding feminine solace in tara.

returning to samsara ad infinitum, rebirth only as a woman, manifesting taras protection, these actions seek to abolish the processes which allow their existence. to end the cycle of rebirth, to end the cycle of reproducing gender in our liberation, to end the cycle of reproducing the self and the god. these actions require you to dissolve their fundamental, impermanent dualities before you can free yourself with them.

when you attempt to visualize tara while still clinging to an impermanent sense of self such as with gender, she loses all emancipatory potential. her merit twists, soiled with your attachments to a divinely persisting feminine, female, or womanhood, serving only to reproduce those mechanisms of suffering within you.

i want you to interrogate these little things you do to feel better about your suffering in life. please, acknowledge that gender causes suffering. whether it be its systemic enforcement or because of our attachment to something ultimately impermanent, please recognize that looking to deify something so fraught will only hurt you.

ask tara where one can even find refuge on a sinking ship. ask her how she found liberation in something meant to subjugate. start to wonder where all the answers are coming from, doubt your sanity, try to find the border between yourself and her and find nothing. find that everywhere else, too.

dearly unacquainted your search is your karma. your findings will be your karma. tara asks you to stop searching, stop finding. she will show you the dead end, and i ask that you address that proactively rather than keep digging.

reblogging with links to side reading :)

[cactusringed]

I WAS SO OUT OF FOCUS I ENDED MY SCARDUBS RANT BAD HI ITS ME HI HI. THIS IS A PART 2 EVERYONE NEW TO THIS ASK READ PART ONE IF YOU WANT IDC I DONT CONTROL YOU ITS 5AM I HAVENT SLEPT

OKAY SO

BDUBS WAS FURIOUS WHEN HE AGREED TO ATTACK SCAR. HE HAD WANTED TO, HE WANTED IT TO HURT, HE KNEW HE COULD HURT

BUT I THINK THAT SEEING THE FEAR BETRAYAL HURT IN SCARS FACE AS HIS SWORD CUT THROUGH HIS SKIN CAUGHT HIM OFF GUARD. YEAH, HE WAS FURIOUS AT SCAR IN A WAY HE KNEW HE HAD NEVER BEEN BEFORE, BUT SEEING THAT LOOK ON SCARS FACE WASNT WHAT HE EXPECTED. THE WEIGHT OF WHAT HE WAS DOING TRULY SET ON HIS SHOULDERS AND HIS HEART BROKE.

WHEN HE SAW SCAR PULL BACK THE STRING OF THE BOW, SHAKING AND TREMBLING, HE UNDERSTOOD. SCAR HAD FORGOTTEN THE WEIGHT LIKE BDUBS MUST HAVE, BDUBS WAS SURPRISED TO SEE IT ACTUALLY HURT SCAR.

HE UNDERSTOOD THAT THIS IS AN AWFUL PLACE TO BE IN, WHEN YOURE SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS AND YOUR ACTIONS HAVE A WEIGHT YOURE NOT USED TO. A WEIGHT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO BEGIN TO NAVIGATE OR HANDLE. THEY DID HORRIBLE THINGS BUT ITS THEIR SITUATION, NOT THEM. THEY CAN MOVE PAST IT

BDUBS *APOLOGISED*. HE TRIED TO FIX IT. FOR JUST A MOMENT, HIS ANGER WAS AT THE WORLD, NOT SCAR

BUT THEN SCAR BRUSHED OFF WHAT HE DID, WHILE BEING UPSET WITH WHAT BDUBS DID

HE WHINED AND WHINGED AND COMPLAINED ABOUT NO NO, **HE** DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG BUT BDUBS DID. IT WAS DURING A GAME BUT BDUBS WAS OUT OF NOWHERE

OUT OF NOWHERE????

A GAME THEY WERE WORKING TOGETHER IN. THEY WERE ALL GOING TO WIN WITH MINIMAL HARM. IT WASNT JUST OUT OF NOWHERE, IT WAS DURING A MOMENT OF HEARTFELT COMPASSION AND TRUST IN A TASK THAT WAS MEANT TO HURT THEM ALL

OUT OF NOWHERE????

SCAR WAS MAD AT HIM FOR RETALIATING AGAINST SCAR ***KILLING HIM***. IT COULDNT HAVE BEEN MORE THAN, WHAT, SEVEN HEARTS?

BDUBS DIDNT THINK HE WAS EVER ANGRIER. HE KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THAT ANGER. NOT WITH THE RESTRICTIONS, NOT WHEN HE WAS FULLY UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING TO HARM SCAR HOW SCAR HAD HARMED HIM. NOT WHEN THERE WAS NOTHING HE COULD DO TO HURT SCAR OVER AND OVER AND OVER UNTIL HE GOT IT THROUGH HIS THICK HEAD

NOT WHEN THEY HAD A TASK TO COMPLETE TOGETHER

YOU EVER HEARD OF SUPERHEATED WATER??? ITS WHEN THE WATER MOLECULES THEMSELVES GET HEATED IN THE MICROWAVE, INSTEAD OF THE CONTAINER. IT LEADS TO THE WATER BEING COMPLETELY STILL UNTIL SOMETHING BREAKS THE SURFACE TENSION. ONLY THEN DOES IT LOOK LIKE IT'S BOILING

THAT WAS BDUBS!!!!

BDUBS WAS DETERMINED TO PUT IT ASIDE FOR NOW, THEY HAD A CHALLENGE TO COMPLETE. AND UNLIKE SOMEONE, HE WAS A MAN OF HIS WORD. HE WAS GOING TO MAKE SURE ALL THREE OF THEM SUCCEEDED. HE WASNT GOING TO BETRAY THEM LIKE SCAR HAD HIM, EVEN AFTER SCAR ***KILLED HIM***

AND SCAR? SCAR JUST SAW STILL WATER. HE DIDNT SEE THE BOILING BUBBLING ANGER WHEN HE AND BDUBS WORKED TOGETHER ON THEIR TASK. WHEN BDUBS HELPED HIM COMPLETE IT HIMSELF, HE ASSUMED THAT MEANT ALL IS WELL

NOW TELL ME

TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMETHING BREAKS THE SURFACE TENSION

Giggles part 1 here

Bro honestly the fact that Scar got mad at BDUBS for fair and square retaliating OHHHHHH god you're so right actually. I think bdubs would've probably let it go it bitterly if scar genuinely apologised and took it as them being even but saying bdubs HIT HIM OUT OF NOWHERE. OHHHHH

this is bdubs' season baby, Bdubs who always put himself in the side character's shoes learning to be the main character (killing the ender dragon), having OTHER PEOPLE work to get him to the top (pearl rooting for him) and now babygirl's holding grudges because he's LEARNED HIS WORTH BABYYYYY OUGHHHHHGHG I HOPE HE KILLS SCAR I HOPE NEXT SESSION SEES HIS RAGE GROW OHHHHHH I WANT THE SCARDUBS TO BE SO DRAMATIC. OH BABEY

[isuckatwritingsobenice]

𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫

Chapter three: Don't say it

masterlist // disney nav

notes: Modern AU-ish! They're all around 15-16 in this fic, This is not an X Reader fic!! Likes & Reblogs are appreciated !

chapter 2

chapter 4

"So, Hiro got me these?" Violet asked as Wilbur handed her the bouqet. She nodded and she felt herself frown.

"What's wrong?" He asked, and Violet shook her head.

" I just, feel bad." She said, moving to lean on the wall, placing the bouquet on its side. " They're very pretty. But I dont like Hiro like that." Violet said quietly. Wilbur stood next to her, watching her lean against the wall. He caught himself staring at her hair, feeling content with the way her hair shined at night.

"Vi, Im sure he'll understand." Wilbur said, and Violet shook her head.

"I don't think he will." She said, looking down. Quickly she felt tears roll down her face. All her emotions were hitting her at once, and now she felt like she was going to burst at any moment.

"You okay Vi?" Wilbur asked, and she broke down. She bent down, hugging her knees to her chest as she cried. Wilbur frowned and sat next to her, trying not to internally panic. He didn't say anything, instead he wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her into a hug, gently drawing soft patterns on her back. If there was one thing he was good at doing, it was saying nothing at all when he didn't need too.

"I'm sorry." She said, and Wilbur chuckled.

"Vi don't be sorry, everyone cries." He said, and she looked up at him, her teary eyes made him feel hurt.

"I guess. Today was supposed to be good when it hasn't been at all." She said, and Wilbur shrugged.

"It's alright. A lot happened. This reaction is probably the most normal thing about you." He joked, and Violet laughed. He wiped her tears a bit, fixing her hair before pulling her up to stand with him.

" Yeah, that sounds about right." Violet said, and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"How about we think about something else. What makes you happy?" Wilbur asked, and before Violet could stop herself, the words flew out of her mouth.

"You." She said, before slapping both hands over her mouth. Wilbur and her sat in silence for a moment, before Violet went invisible. Wilbur began to laugh.

".. I make you happy?" Wilbur asked, a large smile beginning to form. She slowly showed herself again, and nodded.

"Is that weird?" She asked, and Wilbur scoffed.

"Please I'm Wilbur Robinson, I make everyone happy." He said and Violet giggled.

"Yeah sure. Everyone." She joked, before moving to sit on the wall again. Wilbur followed.

"Well, if it's worth anything, you make me happy too." Wilbur said, looking down. He brought his knee to his chest, twirling his shoelace around his finger.

"oh...thank you." Violet said, and the silence fell between the two. Violet looked out to the ocean, while Wilbur continued to mess with his shoe. Until a question plagued her mind. " How did you remember my favorite flower?" Violet asked, and Wilbur's head snapped up to look at her.

"w-well, I like hearing you talk. So I just remember a lot of what you say." He said, with a shrug. " I was also going to get you them. But my dad said by the time they'd get here some would be damaged." Wilbur said quietly. Violet blushed, before she smiled.

"Oh, I didn't know that... but thank you. I like hearing you talk too. You sound like you always know what your talking about." Violet said, and he scoffed.

" I always know what i'm talking about." He said, and Violet laughed.

"Okay sure, and I live in the cleanest house in town." Violet joked. Wilbur chuckled and stared at her, watching her features change. Something about the action made himself feel relaxed.

"I know what I'm talking about when it comes to you." Wilbur says, and Violet raises her brow.

"Oh really? Explain then." She says, and he nods. He stands near Penny's bike and begins to explain.

"Your favorite color is purple, your favorite type of food is italian food but your favorite dish is actually pizza, on occasion you'll say spaghetti. You like the 90's a little too much, and your favorite movie is save the last dance but you also can pick if its up against ten things I hate about you. Speaking of which, your a shy dancer but your actually good at it. You like 90's music, mainly R&B but you don't care much for modern pop, aside from the weird stuff. You like a lot of indie rock and play that one song from TV Girl a lot." He said, tapping his chin to think again. His eyes widen along with a smile on his face again.

"You adore Jack-Jack even though his mood swings scare you. Obviously we know your favorite flower. Your favorite drink is a coke, but you prefer it slightly shaken because you said the fizz makes you hiccup and you hate it." Wilbur said, walking closer to her. "Did I miss anything?" Violet shook her head, before she exhaled.

"Wow, that's a lot." Violet said, unsure of where to look. She felt her nerves jump around, unsure of what to say. She felt like she should say more, she just wasn't sure what. "I'm gonna be honest." She said, getting off the wall. " I don't know what to say." Violet said nervously. Wilbur nodded as the two awkwardly laughed.

"Sorry, I don't know if that came off weird."Wilbur said, and Violet shook her head.

"Trust me, we're far from weird." She said, and smiled. They were far from weird. But thankfully, they were comfortable enough to know what each other meant without speaking so much.

At least one good thing came out of tonight.

"Hey Vi!" Penny said happily as she saw Wilbur and Violet make theyre way down the block. Hiro was counting up tickets while holding a few prizes in his arms, before staring up at them. He almost shrieked when he noticed the flowers he bought were being held by Violet.

"Hey guys!" Violet said with a smile.

"How was your movie?" Penny asked, before Violet shrugged.

"Eh, it was alright, I ended up going with Boomer instead." Violet said, and Hiro coughed.

"O-oh, why's that?" Hiro asked, before Violet just smiled. Penny and Hiro both took note of how red her face was.

"Brick ended up going with Blossom, so me and her just swapped seats." Violet said, before putting the flowers in Penny's basket. " Boomer got me popcorn and stuff. He's actually really funny." She said, before puling her phone out. Wilbur set Penny's bike on a nearby tree, before turning to face them.

"So how did you two find each other?" Penny asked, gesturing to Violet and Wilbur. He shrugged.

"That is an excellent question!" Wilbur said, leaning over Violet. She rolled her eyes before pushing his face away.

"I was by the board walk and we saw each other. Boomer was going to walk me home but then he showed up and Boomer got awkward and left." Violet said before Hiro laughed.

"He saved you, whats there to complain about?" Hiro asked, nudging Wilburs arm with his elbow.

" Yeah, mhm sure." Violet said as Penny grabbed her bike.

"Well, what do you think of the flowers?" Penny said, noticing Hiro eyeing them. Violet got silent for a few seconds, before smiling.

"You guys really didn't need to get me these. But they're very pretty so thank you." She said, hugging Penny. She was shocked, before hugging Violet back, giving Wilbur the 'what did you say?" stare. He put his hands up defensively as Violet gave Hiro a side hug, before giving Wilbur a genuine one. Hiro raised his brow but said nothing, growing more suspicious by the second.

"Well, who's ready to go home? I'm tired." Wilbur said, acting as if Violet still wasn't hugging him. Penny nodded, trying to ignore the hurt she felt, deciding to change the topic. The four began to walk home, Hiro and Penny trying to work over the fact Wilbur and Violet were basically glued at the hip the entire walk.

'Someone's definitely lying.' Penny thought.

[pinksparklelps]

I really need to get this off my chest. Whether to just, inform, or give myself some kind of peace of mind. Because i think about this so frequently and sometimes it gets so overwhelming. Everything will be under the cut, so please, protect yourself if you do not like to read about discourse/drama.

First things first, im gonna do what i REALLY dont want to do, and thats ping who exactly im talking to. Even if they dont work at all. @velvet-sword @fluffnstuffq you two. You two are the main sources of my endless thoughts.

I want to start this off with how childish you were. Your “proof” is not proof. I am not, and never will be that stupid asshole terf Florence. I am just as much of a victim as all of you, and you have no right to say otherwise. I guess i could say its my fault for getting so close to popular people that are/are nearly adults when im STILL a kid. And when all of that shit went down i was, what, 14? And you expect me to act like the mature one.

Im so tired of thinking of this almost everyday because you caused me, AND MY GF so much pain and paranoia. Why, WHY on gods green earth would i EVER want to be florence? Tell me. Give me what you think are my thoughts. Because let me tell you, I HATE ATTENTION. Good, bad, neutral, ALL OF IT!! I do not like to be complimented because i feel like i dont deserve it, i dont like to be yelled at because i feel like a failure, i hate when people even LOOK at me because who KNOWS what on earth they could think about me? Even if its just polite eye contact, the thought of someone watching me makes me freeze.

I admit, i have used gacha back then, and I occasionally use it now because the minigames are fun. Character creators are good because i can make characters like that if im not feeling inspired. But SOOO many people use gacha life/club/whatever. Whos to say one of you didnt or did have it installed? I have no proof it was you, you have no proof it was me.

And the fact that you were harassing more people just solidifies the fact that i made a huge mistake in idolizing you back then. I was just a kid who like a silly game about music and shapes, and you basically ostracized me from the entire fandom. I havent played the game in like 2 years because of the terrible memories of you.

And Blitz!! Remember that one person you mentioned that you got us all against? I know them. Theyre actually a nice person. AND. You and gingy. You crossed the line, especially gingy. Stealing my characters after the fact, redesigning them EVER SO SLIGHTLY, and making a goddamn story with them? Even my spiritual oc’s that represent parts of me. You guys are supposed to be role models. You are popular, and older, and you do this to a fucking child? Ive been more mature than youve been in that situation. You all sent hate anons when i just walked away. I wanted to leave but you kept chasing me. Funny how i got no more hate after threatening to block them.

Speaking of which, “changing typing styles.” Only way i change my typing/writing is for fanfiction/stories and when i meet new people. I naturally incorporate others words and phrasing into my language. Hell, one of my new friends got “skill issue” from me haha. It seems to me like you couldve been projecting. Taking your actions and saying IVE done them so everyone looks at me instead of you. Funny, since you care so much about justice. Justice for everyone except the child who was also a victim of tracing and cyber bullying.

And i cant BELIEVE you would think i was abusing my gf. Shes smarter than that you know. If she were in a bad situation i know she would want to leave. If i knew i were hurting someone i would feel so guilty and push who i was hurting away. Well it seems my “loving and sweet gf” facade has worked for 2 years huh. Impressive of me isnt it? No. Me and my s/o are happy and we help each other grow every day. I do something wrong? They point it out, I apologize and do my best to fix it, and vice versa. Unlike you, i know that we are happy and in a really healthy relationship.

And since im talking about all this, rainb! Yes you! You were so incredibly uncomfortable to be around. Just seeing you type was enough for fight or flight to kick in. You were so harsh and not at all understanding and its a miracle you were allowed to be a mod. Sometimes i wonder how many people in that server got hurt and how much the server has fallen into disarray. I just hope people get out of toxic situations like i did.

And lastly, how dare you make fun of my fucking vents. You, you all are utterly amazing! I couldnt even begin to THINK of the possibility of someone doing that! You fucking assholes. I can be scared of my mom and still seek guidance from her. Shes my MOTHER! And i did NOT hide behind her, and it was only ONE TIME when you all were ganging up on me in a private chat. Its not my fault i froze and fucking broke down because you thought i could cause mass chaos in a community i loved. The second you start making fun of someones feelings that they trusted you with, you have become the monster.

No matter how much I despise each and every one of you, i do not wish for you to come to harm, even though you so obviously deserve it. I hate that i want you to be happy. But my mom told me it shows that im just a kind person. Sometimes i miss you, and i hate it because you were awful. I wholeheartedly believe in karma, but i also believe you can do better. I want, need, and deserve an apology, but i know you wont give it. And even if you do, im never ever going to forgive you for what you did to me. I once almost committed suic*de because i couldnt contact you and i didnt want to lose my friends. I couldve been sent to the mental institute back then because i cared so much about losing who i loved. But i see i put my life in the wrong hands.

I felt so hopeless in that server, but in my new group, i see so many talented people and know i trust them. I love them, and i dont feel sad knowing im not as good as them. They are talented, and even if i cant fully see it, i am too. I could never see myself as good enough with you all. But now im happier, and have good friends and family that i know care about me, even if i dont fully think i deserve it. Im happy with where i am. Im happy with how much ive grown.

And even though it hurt so much, im happy i met you guys because it was a learning experience that i never asked for.

I dont care what you have to say to or about me anymore.

Im happy.